#work + school is kicking my ass and i lost motivation on this

[transearthmover]

scraps from a thing i won’t finish

[rorykeanersactualgf]

request where the reader and Benny have a sleepover

CW: symptoms of a panic attack, descriptions of Benny being hurt (just a dream dw xx), fluffy stuff because Benny is the absolute best boy, Benny having happy tears from our love because he's so sweet and deserves all the love in the world :))

A/N: im so sorry these are taking a long time to get out but school has been kicking my ass and removing all motivation from me recently, especially with all the work i have to catch up on from reading full books for classes and doing course work but i have not left and i don't think i ever will :) as always if there is something wrong with this or anything you want changing then i am more than happy to help xx

The Night After

Through the night of the sleepover, a few... troubling dreams befell me through the night. Vivid images of blood, violent screams, and worst of all, Benny in despair, writhing beneath various torture contraptions, similar to the ones in the movies we saw earlier. I couldn't handle it.

I arose, sudden with a cold sweat running over me; hyper aware of my surroundings, but not aware enough to know that I woke Benny up. My breath shuddered and my shoulders trembled in the cold air of his room. I felt tears run hot down my face, mixing with my sweat and collecting at the base of my chin, some dripping down my neck and others cascading down onto my sleep shirt. I was in a trance, heavy attempts at breath failing to permeate my lungs and body, making me disassociate more. The warm hand placed gently on my shaking shoulder and a small murmur broke me out of it, I couldn't hear what he had said but when I looked over to him, my chest swelled with joy that he was okay and that it was all a dream.

It didn't stop the tremors that racked through my body, almost vibrating the bed but when I started to calm down a bit I could actually hear what he was saying now. Small affirmations that whatever woke me up was just a dream and that everything was okay fell from his soft lips and filled my ears, I turned towards him, feeling like a fragile piece of glass that could break any second. My eyes met his, my vision started to become more wobbly and distorted, my face felt hot, either from embarrassment or the tears but it didn't deter Benny.

His soft, deft hands wiping my tears away and stroking my hair, holding me close to him. While I leant in to him, my hands came up and held onto his forearms, legs came and entwined themselves in his and relaxed in to his side. After a few moments of silence, he spoke up,

"Do you want to talk about it?" His voice croaked, still full of sleep.

"You almost died in my nightmare, I thought I lost you," my voice tapered off at the end, hoarse from sleep, struggling to breathe, and crying.

"Was it because of the movies earlier?" He asked with concern and love in his tone.

I didn't say much other than nodding and still basically seeing what was happening to him in my mind, hearing his vocal cords scrape while screaming, making me spill more hot tears, this time onto his shirt.

"I know, it's stupid. I'm sorry for getting my tears on your shirt," I say while trying to wipe them off, "I'm okay now, you should go back to sleep." I said with a small smile that barely reached my eyes.

Immediately, he started to shut that down, "No, no, no, no, no, its not stupid for crying over a nightmare that basically counts as trauma, you shouldn't feel sorry for getting your tears on my shirt, I don't mind baby, and I'm not going back to sleep knowing that you are definitely not okay. I'm staying up with you whether you like it or not my love," he said, a small smile on his lips and a gently kiss being left on my forehead and his arms gently tightening around me so I know he's serious.

We stayed up for a bit longer, making small jokes to make each other laugh and to cheer me up so I go to sleep easier and hopefully not wake up again through the night. Which actually worked, I fell asleep on Benny's chest, a stray leg strung across his legs and my arm holding him close like I was protecting him from the night. His head planted stop mine, a gentle kiss left on the crown of my head and his hand holding my leg in place.

When we woke up a few hours later, we laid in a comfortable silence, completely content with each others presence, happy that we were both still okay. I looked up towards his face and saw his sleepy grin, that seemed to never leave his face. My hand crept up to cradle the side of his face and rub small circles into it, his head leaning into the palm of my hand and letting a soft sigh escape.

We eventually got up and got dressed, brushed our teeth, and had some breakfast. We were sat in my living room when he turned to me,

"Want to go to the mall and window-shop, eat, and mess around in random arcades?" He said with a slight smile gracing his face and a head tilt, knowing that I would want all of that.

A small "Mhm," gave Benny the initiative to jump up and start getting some things together for our trip to the mall. When 15 minutes passed and I heard a big bang upstairs, I knew it was him. I cautiously climbed the stairs and peeked my head around the corner, being met with Benny laid on his back in the corridor, laughing slightly but I could tell he was in pain.

I stepped closer and noticed he was holding his foot, probably from stubbing one of his toes. My theory was proven right when he looked at me, a playful pout on his face with a small embarrassed laugh reverberating in his chest. I helped him up and asked what he was doing, to which he answered with a wince in pain and a simple "I was thinking of how to surprise you with these," holding up a copy of my favourite movie and a teddy bear, which he made with his magic.

I gave him an upside down smile and a kiss to his forehead and thanked him for being so thoughtful and sweet. We went back downstairs and after I helped him with his foot and we were off to the mall.

After a short bus ride to the mall, Benny and I had a walk around the various stores; looking at all the figurines of our favourite characters in some games stores, meandering through the aisles in hot topic, going to clothes shops and making some god awful outfit mixes that had us doubling over in the middle of an urban outfitters, and getting some pizza to top off our little visit.

While walking out of the mall, I saw a small ice cream stand, holding our favourite flavours, dragging a happy Benny over to the stand with a big smile on my face, bounding like a child seeing a puppy and when Benny realised why I was so happy; he reflected that by grabbing me by my forearm and sprinting over to the stand, effectively dragging me until I caught up with him.

Slowing down when we were a few feet away, we waited in line for a few minutes and started talking again. It was mainly about the stuff we got and what we wanted to do afterwards, bringing up the point of wanting to stay at Benny's that night. He was immediately on board because not only did he get to spend more time with his hot partner, he also saw it as an opportunity to make it up to me for having that nightmare earlier, even though it wasn't his fault.

We got our ice creams and started walking to his house. About 10 minutes into our walk to a bus stop, we finished our ice cream and continued in a comfortable silence until we got the bus stop. We sat down and only then did the events of the day caught up with me and I felt tired.

With my eyes drooping and my breathing levelling out, I rested my head on Benny's shoulder and held onto his arm and nuzzled my head into his neck, inhaling deeply and sighing, feeling more comfortable.

Benny looked down at me and held his arm around my waist after I let him go and held his other hand instead, his gentle grip around me made me feel safe in his arms and let me relax further. This became more apparent when he started drawing soft circles into my side, tickling but not enough for me to move away.

When the bus eventually came, he nudged me to wake me up and we got on the bus to his house. The journey didn't take long since he laid on my lap having a little nap of his own while I played with his hair and listened to music. On the odd time I would go to change the song and stop playing with his hair for a bit, his nose would scrunch up a bit and start reaching for my hand again, not without a few disgruntled groans leaving his chest.

We eventually made it to a bus stop near his house so I had to wake him, which was easier said than done. Once he finally woke up, we rushed off the bus, just barely getting off before it left.

We got inside and we started planning what we wanted to do, Benny using most of my ideas since he still felt bad. We ended up playing a few board and video games, Benny still being as competitive as ever but not without making sure I still won now and again. As the night progressed, we started getting hungry again so we ordered some take out and put on a movie while we waited.

He let me pick the movie and because we needed a good distraction for about 30-45 minutes, I put on my favourite comedy movie. 20 minutes in to the movie and we had basically forgotten about the take out and was almost crying with laughter.

After a few more minutes, the loud knocks took us out of our fits of laughter, looking over at each other and starting to giggle a bit. Benny took liberty of getting the food and came over with the take out bags and boxes and placed them down on the coffee table, getting a plate and some utensils from the kitchen.

We continued to eat and talk while watching movies and tv shows, soon getting tired and curling up together. The warmth of Benny's hands placed featherlight on my sides gave me a comforting shiver up my sides and spine, feeling my eyes slowly close when I remembered I didn't have any pj's. I sat up and turned to Benny, sat bushy tailed and happy.

"You okay?" Benny asked with a quirk of curiosity in his voice.

"This might sound weird but I forgot my pj's, can I borrow some of your clothes?" A shy smile found its way onto my face, blush slowly creeping up my neck in anticipation of his answer.

"Of course you can, what do you want to wear?" His enthusiasm seeping into his words, making my heart flutter in my chest.

We went upstairs and looked for some clothes for me to wear. I ended up with a slightly oversized collared shirt and a pair of his shorts, quickly changing in his bathroom and getting ready for bed while he went downstairs to let me change and quietly shouted up to me to bring down a pillow and blanket since he had forgot them when he was up there with me.

Benny saw me slowly descend the stairs as to not wake up his grandma and he swears it was like something out of a movie, like I was walking down the steps in a ballgown/suit/fancy clothing, to meet him and let him take me by the arm to a fancy dinner. In reality, I was in mismatched socks, his clothes, and a pillow and blanket stuffed under my arm.

He met me at the bottom of the stairs, taking the blanket and pillow from under my arm and giving me a small kiss on my forehead, leaning to my ear and whispering "You look amazing in my clothes, I love you."

We made our way to the couch and turned on a random movie, instantly curling into each other. My arms wrapping tightly around Benny's shoulders, my hands drawing feather-light designs on his arms, back, and shirt, occasionally making him shy away from it when accidentally tickling his sides.

One of my legs laid absentmindedly over his stomach, leaving just enough room for him to hold it and rub gentle circles on the outside, a warm feeling flooding my chest at his simple acts of affection that I would never get used to and never tire from. His face nuzzled into the side of my neck since he was laid lower than me, a soft kiss was left on the edge of my jaw and one right on my cheek, slowly inching towards my lips. I turned to him and left a long kiss on his lips and when we pulled away from each other, his face and ears flushed a bright shade of red, still not used to the affection I gave him either apparently. At this, his head laid on my chest, definitely hearing my heart pound in my ribcage from our close proximity and the shared love we have for each other. Of course, because he is Benny, he had to make a comment about it.

"Is that all it took to make your heart race? I should do that more often." His signature smirk following.

"I don't know how your talking with that blush all over your face and ears, B." I replied, matching his tone.

"Shut up." His smirk turned into a lopsided smile, blush only creeping over his face, and now neck, even more.

We both laughed and turned back to the movie, trying to pay attention to it. I, however, struggled to keep my eyes off of the boy laid with me, his fluffy brown hair tickling my neck and chin when he moved, his surprisingly strong arms wrapping around me even tighter the more tired he got, his gorgeous green eyes, sparking like emeralds in the occasional bright flash of light from the tv, his soft lips that seemed to always be pulled in a smile or smirk, his frequent nerdy outbursts when we were together and I would reference something, knowing he would love it, his awkward but cute dress sense, just everything about him made me fall more and more in love with him everyday.

I started playing with his hair while he was talking about a little easter egg he noticed that connected movies together and he stopped abruptly in his tracks. His gaze averting from the tv and going towards my face, curious to what I was up to, if anything.

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing, I'm just admiring you my love. I've never really noticed how absolutely beautiful you are, not only are you beautiful but you're funny, sweet, cute, nerdy, a gentleman, a man with a heart of pure gold, but you know just how to make me feel better when I'm upset or annoyed at something because you listen so well, you never judge me no matter how strange some of the things that I say or do are. I'm so happy that you're with me and that I get to give you all the love you deserve because you're perfect, I wouldn't change you for the world. I love you Benny Weir. I mean it."

When I finished my little monologue of love for him, I felt him squeeze me tighter to him, warm tears fell down his face, making me panic slightly. Sitting up and pulling him with me, I held both sides of his face, scanning fervently over his features to see if I said something wrong when I was met with his growing smile. Confused, I inquired why he was crying.

"It's just - um, no ones ever said anything like that to me before. Stuff like that just doesn't really happen to me. I'm sorry for crying, I'm just so happy and I feel so loved. I love you, I can't live without you." He rambled, the word melding together but still making sense. I pulled him closer and fell back with him laid fully on top of me, and I whispered in his ear.

"I'll tell you things like that everyday if I have to just to make you feel loved because you deserve it, B. I love you." I solidified my last sentence with a kiss and a long hug caressing his back, shoulders, and playing with his hair, continuing to whisper sweet nothings to him. Unbeknownst to me, his heart fluttered in his chest at my words, his brain almost short-circuiting and his tears coming to a slow stop.

He looked at me with puffy eyes, a red nose and a lovesick smile, still absolutely gorgeous to me. My hand came up and brushed away his previously fallen tears, then holding his face in my hands to keep him as close as humanly possible. We shared that moment of closeness for what felt like eternity, which in reality was only a few minutes before he leaned back to look at me for a while. I could practically feel the heart-eyes and love emanating from his face, soaring to my eyes and soul, not wanting to look away.

It only took us a moment for us to be back to giggling from our serious moment, from us both not really being used to having moments like that. We shared one final kiss before Benny laid back down on my chest, head resting over my heart, hearing it beat just for him, knowing that he was the only one I loved.

We ended up falling asleep, not knowing what time it was when we did but content in our places.

The following morning :))

Apparently, Benny had made plans with Ethan to come over the next morning to hang out with us, it was that or he managed to break in without waking us or his grandma up, which was a miracle in of itself seeing as to how clumsy he is. I woke up to a fairly confused Ethan looking at the mess we made from the sleepover, to Benny's clothes on me, and to his lightly snoring best friend, clinging to me like I was a form of life support. He didn't say much but I could tell he had a few questions, some I don't think even he wanted the answer to.

I just looked at him and shrugged, a quiet `I don't even know myself,' was all that could be heard... aside from his slightly growing in volume snores. I didn't want to share Benny's moment of vulnerability seeing as it was something he apologised about doing, I would let him bring it up on his own terms if he pleased.

Eventually, Benny woke up in the middle of a conversation about what ice cream flavour we would be and why, to which Benny answered "Personally, I'd be vanilla and chocolate brownie. Basic, but a classic that you can never go wrong with." We continued to talk and debate, spanning from which animals we could beat in a fight to what superpower would be the worst to have and why.

Our lives were strange, there's no doubt about that... but I wouldn't have it any other way.

[somevillainfuckery]

Howdy Dowdy, Guys Gals & Non-binary Pals, Time for a Life Update

Its a bit past 2:00 now I haven't slept a wink My dickhead aunt and her bf have complete control over the temperature bullshit in my house, so the house is cold asf rn (THEY NEVER TURN OFF THE GODDAMN AC) I'm running on shitty fanfiction and the will to make like- 6 cavities go away because they don't hurt but I've still completely fucked myself over and I HATE the dentist We're moving soon [majority of shit in my house is already in storage except clothes, and dishes, and the singular functioning tv], I just have literally no fucking clue where we are moving to

Lets see uhm what else- Discord is indeed working, yippie ofc, but I- [*thinking thoughts being thunk*] I lost motivation to talk to people for some reason, at least I think Im wording that right. Mostly cause on Discord, I love the people I talk to, I really do, but I never realized how hard it is being a therapist in a jester costume for everyone, so with that plus all the bullshit of moving plus the fact not a single person in my family can get along for more than five seconds uhm... yeah- I'm exhausted, and because its only two people moving all this shit [that being me and my parental figure] I feel like my bones got thrown into a blender, which doesn't help because I'm naturally weak to the point even my xbox alone is super heavy- dunno if my weak ass body structure should be a concerning thing??

BUT- LISTEN UP- HEAR ME OUT- Me and my parental figure MIGHT be getting into this really nice 1 bedroom apartment, its not much, but its super pretty, and theres actually other families there n shit, so like ✨yay I finally get to socialize face to face with people even though face-to-face interaction sounds like a dream and a nightmare✨ PLUS- I got the haircut I've been dying for, and it came out super nice :D PLUS PLUS- I got some super old slinkydog toy and a switchblade comb from Cracker Barrel PLUS PLUS PLUS- Its been a very long time since I've been yelled at, and so far, no physical harm has been done to me by my family [aside from my toddler cousins punching me and shooting me with nerf guns Lmao] so FUCK YEEEAAAHHH FEELIN ✨G O O D✨

PLUS PLUS PLUS PLUS- I'm finally getting a job soon [my school NEVER gave me a work permit, and I'm old enough to work anyways]. I'm planning at working at the movie theater since we already live close to it, and if we get the apartment I had liked, we still live close to it :D It'll probably be sometime after we get settled in the new place

Life ain't too bad rn, I've randomly been getting like- midnight existential dread??- that or my random spikes of paranoia are just really kicking in because of the move- so now whatever the fuck it is is just being used as a motivation to focus on a future I want, will enjoy, and will support me all throughout. For once, I actually see my future being bright :D

[dissolvedgrill]

There are spaces in time, in the life of every person (I think) where one feels alone, lost, foreign to the external reality and consumed by the self reality.

I remember being a child, and looking at a tree, its leaves, and I remember it so vividly. It’s one of my first memories and it lingers in my head, because it is the first time I doubted reality.

How could I be real? How is this tree real and why am I here standing right underneath it? A lot of questions came to my mind at that moment, questions that I still can’t answer.

My first thoughts about dying were when I was a little girl too. Just the thought of dying or being dead felt right to me, and now, from time to time, it still does, and it’s such a familiar feeling, I’m used to the thoughts of death, but I have never acted upon those thoughts. I try to brush it under the carpet because I’m aware of the damage it can cause to the people that are left living, and I just can’t make myself put them under the grief.

But I also question myself, why do I have to live under this grief of living? Even in my happiest moments, I’m unable to feel at peace. I loose interest in everything, I can’t seem to commit to anything, relationships have been hard and I’ve allowed people to hurt me, abuse me, take advantage of me, and I’m always unable to finish things off because I can’t just do that.

I can’t say that I haven’t tried to improve my perspective about life or about myself, because it has improved, I used to try to save for my funeral, because in my mind suicide was inevitable and I was going to commit it. I left so many things behind because I wasn’t planning on getting very far in life, I had no interest. Now that I’m a bit older i went back to school, got braces (finally) and at times I feel like I’m so much better.

However, depression is one of those creatures that never truly go away (that’s why it’s called chronic depression, right?) and we, somehow, have to lean how to cope with it, HOWEVER, it;’s not always easy, not always doable, not always something that we can fight against. It does win, sometimes, and sometimes I can kick depressions ass right in its stupid ass forehead (i imagine depression would have a stupid look if it were a person).

Right now it is winning, I am leaving a lot of things behind because I just can’t feel like I can do it. I feel numb to every feeling and have lost interest in everything I do in life. I only work because I need money to sustain my life and my kitties. And being realistic, I have hopes that i will feel better and I can’t fuck up my life entirely just because i FEEL A LITTLE FUCKED IN THE HEAD RIGHT NOW.

THIS IS A LONG POSOT AND i LIKE TO DO LONG POSTS FROM TIME TO TIME WHEN i FEEL i NEED TO GET SHIT OUTTA MY HEAD.

I haven’t been even going to the gym, but I’m planning on going tomorrow and I hope that makes me feel a bit better or motivated.

peace out.

[runthepockets]

Getting into Hellsing proper as an adult is really funny. All my friends read it in middle school, and I kinda didn't understand the hype cus the art style gave me "hentai artist turned serious writer" vibes, which very rarely turns out well narratively, and all I knew about it was that Alucard was depressed and horny and all my female friends had a crush on him, which was not something I cared about as a 13 year old boy. I find Alucard a lot more interesting as an adult (and goddamn if his role as the male Trump Card of this ruthless vampire hunting organization and his contrast with his more...submissive and vulnerable side around Integra isn't the coolest shit ever), but I still stand by the belief that he's not even the most interesting character, he's absurdly powerful, charismatic, and fun to watch in random settings cus you always know he's gonna turn someone into a cherry smoothie by the end of the interaction, but not my favorite character by a longshot.

By the end of my watch, my favorite characters were hands down, Anderson, Integra, Maxwell, and Walter. Their backstories and positions in the drawn out war were the most interesting to me, and I especially thought the Iscariot branch of the church was the most fascinating organization in the show. Anderson sacrificing his humanity for one more chance at taking down a vampire, just cus his faith in god and purpose were that intense, watching the guy get really solemn and emotional after basically having to put down his own son for rising to fascism (imagine raising a little boy who's clearly very ambitious and power hungry from the jump and just having to sit there stony faced while he gets eaten alive by ghouls yelling out "ANDERSON PLEASE HELP ME I DON'T DESERVE THIS", like holy fucking shit. It's like watching the parent of a school shooter sit there while their kid has to pay for his crimes against humanity) gently carrassing his head in his lap and shutting his eyes and murmuring about how stupid he was to try to carry out a fuckin. 1500s esque Catholic crusade in 1999, dropping an "I wish I'd been born a force of nature so I never had to feel anything like this." Like fuck. The whole time you think the guy is just your standard raving Catholic old guy with cool weapons and cool hair and a badass coat, then you realize he's kinda spent the last 30 years raising these people he's fighting alongside as if they were his own children, and then sending them off to war. I'd be fucking crazy and bloodthirsty too, after all that.

Then you have Integra, whose position as the only female with a knight title in an organization full of old white dudes is pretty much the entire core of her character. But she carries herself with such confidence and toughness that you wouldn't guess it bothered her at all. She kicks a lot of ass and barks orders with no hesitation and takes very good care of her men while else holding them to realistic standards and not tolerating any slack or backtalk, and deals with most problems that would make even the biggest strongest dudes shit their pants with total apathy and control. It's so cool and incredibly attractive inspiring. I guess there's little else to be expected from a lady who lost her dad and almost got killed by her uncle within a 24 hour span when she was like, 9 or 10, an experience like that will definitely put hair on your chest. And the twist at the end with Walter brought me from "oh, cool old guy" to "INSANELY cool old guy". The whole time the guy was just as crazy-- if not more crazy by virtue of betraying queen and country and holding all of that fury in for as long as he did-- as anyone else who worked for that organization, he was just way better at hiding it. And it's not like his motives were unjustified; I mean, everyone is scared of being old and useless and forgotten a little bit, everyone always feels like they have something to prove, he just actually had the balls to act on it. Hellsing takes a lot of questions and aspects of humanity's biggest flaws and the human condition and kinda just. Leaves you to your own devices to decipher what it all means. It's so dope.

[project-sour-grapes]

Day 5 Rebound

Day 5 working on the business and I've already hit a slog. Today is okay, but yesterday I was straight-up depressed. Like "arms weigh 100 pounds and my stomach feels like a rock" depressed. The night before, I did laundry but forewent folding it for putting it all in a pile on the ground instead. Knowing that action despite lack of motivation can break the depression cycle, I folded it the next morning (day 4), but I continued to nosedive the rest of the day.

Today is actually okay due to happenstance, where my whole apartment lost hot water. I had to take a cold shower after my run. That actually broke the depression cycle for the rest of the night, and now today I'm actually feeling okay. It kicked my adrenaline up enough that the weird heavy stomach and limb symptoms went away.

The loss of structure and concrete end goal seem to be getting to me already. I didn't even want to run yesterday. I dragged my ass through the whole thing. People call me disciplined for running and eating right, but maybe I don't have any discipline at all. Without structure, I tend to do nothing. It seems that having the EMT job (or any job) just allowed me to live a life where I work for 2 days, then spend the next 4 off filling my time with things, like running, as a distraction until the next 2-day shift. I didn't do anything out of discipline, but just as a way to entertain myself or feel good. I never really thought of the end goal. I figured, "Hey, if I can get a half-decent body in a few months by exercising, then why not?" It was very passive. There's something to be said about passivity and not trying too hard in a Bukowski kind of way. But it speaks to why I am having difficulty right this second getting myself to go balls-to-the-wall toward making my business work. Only working for 3 hours a day max is not discipline.

Over the next few days, I'm going to process the loss of structure (or "mourn" if we want to be extreme) and envision a new, more concrete end goal for this business. One thing that big goals (a la medical school) do is provide an easily understood visual of the end result. That is part of the appeal for me. "Doctor" is clearcut and easy to communicate to myself and others. "Business owner" is more malleable and kind of forms to whichever container it occupies. My next task is to come up with what success roughly (or precisely, if that's more expedient) looks like over the next 6 months, year, etc. I'm going to have a picture in my head of what needs to happen and how to get there, which will hopefully stave off the cycle of aimlessness and depression that I get into whenever I lose societally and socially prescribe structure.

[malfoysstilinski]

Hi!!!! Can I request a Draco Malfoy smut where the readers gives him a blowjob before the game, and they fuck after?

rewards | DRACO MALFOY (smut)

PAIRING: Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: public sex, degradation kink, oral sex (both receiving), spitting, hair pulling, rough sex, probably more.  

AN: sorry it’s been a while. nothing’s wrong, i’m just lazy :)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK/POST TO OTHER PLATFORMS.

“Calm down, Draco,” you murmur, running your hand across your boyfriend’s shoulder as he curses out Potter one more time. “You’re a far better Seeker than Potter. One of the best Slytherin’s ever had. The team would be nothing without you.”

Draco sighs, running a hand through his blond hair. It flops back onto his forehead immediately, soft and shiny from the lack of product in it. He never puts any gel in when he plays, knowing the wind and sweat will only mess it up later. You prefer it this way— natural and soft so you can run your fingers through it easily if you want.

“I hate him,” Draco grits his teeth. “I really do.”

“Fred and George were bluffing,” you refer to the way that they had previously been mocking Draco before the Gryffindors entered their changing rooms. “He won’t beat you.”

“I know,” Draco states, though he doesn’t sound as confident as he usually does.

You know how you could get some adrenaline pumping through his veins.

Draco’s lost in thought as he adjusts his Slytherin jersey in the mirror inside the changing room you’d snuck into. The rest of his team mates were already dressed and hanging around some benches, so you’d grown worried when you realised Draco was still inside.

You take his moment of distraction to smooth your hand down his strong arm. Draco glances at you through the mirror, eyes darkening at the realisation of what you’re doing when you purposely trail your fingers back up his arm lightly. Your eyes meet his in the mirror.

“Y/N...” he warns.

“You have fifteen minutes until you have to be out there,” you say, gliding your hand back up his arm. “Give me seven— max.”

Draco’s brows raise slightly at your proposal and he turns so he doesn’t have to watch you through the mirror anymore. Your other hand now moves to his other arm, but instead of doing the caressing game on it to get him all hot and bothered, you grab him and move him backwards.

Draco feels the back of his legs hit the wooden bench behind him and he drops down onto the seats. Your hand grabs his chin, fingers gliding across his strong jaw as you forced him to look into your eyes.

Your leg pushes his even further apart and you slowly fall down onto your knees, his silver storms studying your every move. Hands smooth out his trousers, and then grab his knees as you lean up, pressing your lips against his. He sloppily kisses back as your fingers trace back to the zipper of his trousers, undoing them.

As you manage to pull his dick out of his underwear, Draco’s hand twists into your hair, pulling slightly when you start to jerk him up and down, feeling him harden to his full potential. His lips continue to work against yours until your thumb swipes over his tip, coming back sticky with precum, and that’s when he tugs your hair back roughly.

You whimper at the pain, looking up at the sneering look on his face.

“That’s a minute gone,” he warned, “You should be spending the rest it far more usefully.” 

His hand shoves your head down, closer to his cock. It twitches slightly as your mouth closes over the top of it, your tongue flattening as you use the tip of your muscle to run across his shaft whilst you suck.

“Fuck,” he hisses, “See? Much more effective when you use your mouth on other places.”

You don’t reply, you’re too busy ensuring that Draco’s mind is blown. Your hand that had been previously gripping his thigh moves to the base of his cock, and you jerk it up and down as you spit down his length, using your saliva to slick him up.

Draco’s hand scrunches in your hair harder and his head tilts back, jaw clenching. He swears he can see stars as his hand shoves you down further, hearing and feeling you gag around him. Your eyes water and you breathe through your nose the best you can as you bob your head up and down.

You pull off of him after three minutes. “Please use me, Draco,” you beg him, reaching down and moving you hand beneath your skirt. “Fuck my face like I’m just your toy.”

“You are just my toy,” Draco spits as he stands, grabbing the sides of your head and sliding his cock back into your warm mouth. “It’s all you are, all you’ll ever be. You’re such a useless slut- your only purpose is to make me cum.”

He pulls out of your mouth but before you can close it, he grabs you by your cheeks and squishes your face together. As he gives you room to open your lips, Draco spits directly into your mouth and then thrusts his cock back inside.

“Mhmmm,” you moan around him, the vibrations causing Draco to pick up the pace as he thrusts in and out of your mouth, hitting the back of your throat.

Your choking sounds and the wet noises of your throat only drive him to go faster, knowing for a fact that your throat will be wrecked after this. But you willingly let him.

Draco smacks your arm. “Stop touching your pussy. Toys don’t get to cum. Only if I say so.”

You obey and peer up at him as he continues to thrust into you. When Draco looks down and your eyes meet, you feel him twitch again inside your mouth and you know he’s done. A loud groan escapes his lips, his head throwing back and his cum spurting from his tip. It goes straight down your throat as he thrusts lazily, grip tightening on your hair. You swallow it all.

Draco breathes nearly as heavily as you as he pulls his cock out of your mouth. He glances down when he’s recovered, finding you with mascara beneath your eyes, lips swollen and hair messy, cheeks flushed. Some of his cum had managed to land on your bottom lip.

He reaches down, his thumb swiping it off before he shoves it into your mouth. You suck eagerly, making Draco smirk.

“Good slut,” he says, “You’ll be rewarded for staying truthful to your word.” He looks down at your watch. “Six minutes. A minute earlier than you promised.”

You fight the urge to smirk. By now you know Draco and what he likes like the back of your hand.

“For now, I have a game to win.”

Draco didn’t lie. He caught the Snitch before Harry could, Slytherin beating Gryffindor by a landslide. Fred and George were left displeased, but Draco was as smug as ever. He waited in the changing rooms for all of his team mates to get changed and leave, his back to you when you finally peel open the door and step inside.

He’d slid off his jersey, leaving himself in just his trousers. You breathe out at the sight of his pale back, the muscles rippling as he reaches up and runs a hand through his sweaty blond hair. Draco turns to face you, face lifting into a smirk.

“I believe a congratulations is in order,” you smile proudly, ignoring the dampness in your underwear that had been there since before the game. Watching him soar across the pitch like a God hadn’t helped either. Or his words from before.

You wrap you arms around his neck, looking up into his silver eyes. His hands land on your hips, tugging you closer to him.

“Well, it’s all thanks to you, darling...” he says, hand moving to caress your cheek and brush the hair out of your face, tucking it behind your ear. “And the motivation you gave me beforehand.”

“Hm?” You smile innocently.

“I believe I owe you a reward,” Draco says, “For making me cum. For being Slytherin’s biggest slut.”

“Draco,” you breathe, feeling a wave of arousal rush through you.

“Bend over the bench.”

You do what he tells you to do, sticking your ass up into the air slightly so your school skirt barely covers your lace knickers. Draco makes a sound of approval at the sight, his large hand brushing your ass and hooking onto your pants. He tugs them down to your ankles and brushes your skirt up, sending a swift smack to your ass.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, “Such a fucking perfect sight.”

“Draco, please,” you whine.

“Please what?” He demands.

“Please touch me,” you plead with him. “Make me cum.”

Draco’s behind you then, his finger swiping up your wet heat and collecting all of your arousal. He makes the usual comment about how wet you are, attempting to humiliate you, but you just agree eagerly.

“All for you,” you say.

“All for me, hm?” Draco murmurs as his fingers start to rub circles on your swollen clit. “Tell me more.”

“I couldn’t stop imagining this during your game,” you admit, whining when two of his fingers suddenly hook inside of you, curling up and hitting your walls. “I was clenching around nothing. Wishing it was you though.”

Draco thrusts his fingers in and out faster and rougher, your whines growing louder and a wet sound filling the empty changing rooms.

“Oh, yeah? What part of me?” Draco hums, “My fingers or my cock?”

“Your cock,” you cry out when he thrusts at your g-spot, your legs clamping together.

Draco smacks your ass and pries your thighs apart, pulling his hand away from your soaked heat. You nearly cry in disappointment, the tightening feeling in your stomach vanishing.

“You’ve been a good girl today, I suppose you deserve it,” Draco agrees, “Stand up. Remove your jumper and bra.”

You peel off the Slytherin jumper you’d been wearing in support of your boyfriend and then unhook your bra like he told you to. Draco reaches out and palms your breasts, tweaking painfully at one of your nipples and making you cry out.

He kicks up his jersey off of the ground and slides it over your head, your hard nipples peaking through it. He gropes at you underneath his green jersey.

“You look so fucking hot,” he hisses before he grabs your hips and turns you, slamming you up against the lockers.

Your cheek is pressed against the locker and you breathe heavily as his large hand reaches around to shove your bottom half our further. Your ass presses up against his erection as he pulls it out of his trousers again, sliding the tip up and down your soaked heat from behind.

“C’mon then, whore,” Draco demands roughly, “Don’t hold back. Show me how much you appreciate my cock in your worthless hole.”

He suddenly shoves into you. You immediately whine, clawing at the lockers you’re pressed against as Draco pulls out nearly all the way before slamming back inside. He does it again and again, slowly and teasingly at first just to listen to your pleads and moans, and then his hands move to grip your shoulders.

He starts to pound hard into you, the sound of skin slapping filling the changing rooms whilst he bites down on his bottom lip and works on thrusting as hard and fast as he possibly can.

“Dr-Draco!” You cry out. “You’re so— ah! You’re so fucking huge.”

“You were made for me,” Draco hisses against your ear from behind you as he doesn’t slow down the relentless fucking. “This pussy is mine. Mine to pleasure, mine to take from.”

“It’s yours,” you whine in agreement. “All yours.”

He reaches around and starts to rub against your clit. You scream as he uses his other hand to shove your face further into the locker. The pain mixes with the pleasure and has you trembling around him, crying out from a mixture of his cock sliding in and out of you and his slender fingers abusing your clit.

“Cum,” Draco orders, “Cum, you useless slut, or I will and then you won’t get to. Not until tomorrow.”

Draco smacks your clit and you shudder around him, crying out his name as your walls clench his cock unforgivingly. You pulsate, withering and clawing, your body jerking uncontrollably from between the lockers and Draco. Your orgasm is so intense that Draco has to shove you harder against the green lockers to stop his thrusting cock from slipping out of your drenched heat.

When you come down from your orgasm, panting and crying, Draco gives one more thrust and hisses your name, his cum suddenly flooding your walls. You moan as he gives a few more jerks.

“Yeah, take my cum, slut,” Draco pants, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

He eventually slides out of you, the two of you smiling slightly and covered in sweat. Draco runs a hand through his soaked hair and pulls himself back into his underwear and trousers. You slide your skirt back down so it’s covering you.

“That was amazing,” Draco murmurs, “Thanks for... well, distracting me before the game.”

You smirk and press a kiss to his lips. “Thanks for distracting me after the game too.”

[silk-heartss]

STUDYING WITH THE AOT BOYS

while feverishly studying for my final exam this quarter, i decided to write this on a study break for a boost of motivation :]

⤍ various aot characters x gn!reader

⤍ includes eren, armin, jean, connie, reiner

⤍ sfw , fluff , cursing , established relationships , the boys either being geniuses or absolute idiots

EREN JAEGER.

don’t even get me started on this boy.

i just know he doesn’t pay attention in class.

i feel he’s very smart but just doesn’t want to apply himself, so his assignments are always late or he doesn’t hand them in at all.

feels the need to be rewarded after every right question.

“hey!! i got that right :( i want a kiss.”

will complain about the atmosphere no matter where you are, he just REALLY doesn’t wanna be there.

if he’s quizzing you, i’m so sorry.

it’s like sitting at the kitchen table with your dad as he yells at you since you can’t long divide.

he gets frustrated so fast.

he doesn’t mean it though, he’s really trying.

if he gets a question right and you don’t, he’s about to hold that over your head for the next decade.

he lost all his notes so all he carries around is a pen that was borrowed from someone else. man’s doesn’t even know where his textbooks are.

so he’s gonna have to borrow your stuff.

his writing is so fucking messy.

after ten minutes, he’s convinced that studying should be over now.

you have to drag him back into his chair.

i feel like you guys would study at a starbucks or in his room, he probably got you guys kicked out of starbucks.

ARMIN ARLERT.

you ALREADY KNOW.

chances are he’s helping YOU study, let’s be real.

and armin is the perfect study buddy!! he’s very patient and organized, since he thoroughly enjoys studying, you’re on the lucky side of it all.

probably likes to study at the library or in a starbucks, somewhere moderately quiet but still cozy.

he. is. prepared.

he’s got pens, pencils, highlighters, notebooks, his laptop, textbooks, sticky notes, dividers, etc.

i just know he’d be so sweet if you were beginning to grow frustrated.

“hey, it’s okay!! try one more question and then we can a break, i promise. you’re doing great!!”

never gives up on you :’)

he also loves quiet studying, where you’re both together but looking at different things.

might get distracted from his own studying if he sees what you’re working on.

will ask you what it is and be genuinely interested if he doesn’t already know.

has snacks and coffee for those late night study sessions, will give you his hoodie too.

again. he’s always prepared.

JEAN KIRSCHTEIN.

i feel like jean is a piece of work at first.

he’s the type of guy to act all careless about his school work like some “bad boy” and then pretend he doesn’t care about his grades.

but he’s actually really smart and gets really good grades.

he probably gets so excited looking at a paper with an impressive grade on it but acts like it’s no big deal.

so he pretends to be all bored when you study with him.

but he’s actually so excited. he brought food, he brought you a hoodie of his if you get cold and all his books.

eventually, after you FINALLY wearing him down (it took ages), he sheds the bored facade and actually studies with interest.

will get distracted by you. sorry not sorry.

“jean, look at your notes.”

“but you’re so pretty.”

“jean!”

subtly brags about his casual 100%’s and good feedback from teachers.

if he’s helping you, i feel he’d be pretty patient. but he might throw in some remark on how easy it was for him to get it.

he always has to be the best.

will share an earbud with you if you guys listen to music while studying.

likes to study in his room/dorm or outside on a picnic blanket if it’s nice.

CONNIE SPRINGER.

it’s like eren all over again.

except connie is actually dumb LMAO.

but he doesn’t wanna work. he’s gonna get distracted.

“YO LOOK AT THAT BIRD.”

“connie, sit your ass down right now.”

he gets really hungry. and he’s barely working.

but he convinces you to take a break and get some food with him.

big mistake.

he’s even more distracted now and probably hyper off something sugary.

like eren, you gotta use some reward system.

give him a kiss or a snack with each right answer and eventually you’ll get somewhere.

insists that you write down notes in different coloured pens because he likes how pretty it looks.

doesn’t even HAVE the textbooks he needs, he swears he never got them in the first place.

very much the type of guy to be like “wait—we have a test?” or “we had homework?”

likes to study in, wait for it, his car.

you guys tried it once before you vetoed it from happening ever again.

will make you get up and take dance breaks with him. he swears it helps his brain think better.

no it doesn’t.

REINER BRAUN.

like armin, i feel like reiner would be a very good study buddy.

i feel like he’s in the middle, he’s not super brainy/nerdy but he’s not totally clueless and unmotivated either.

i feel like reiner really likes the peaceful ambience of the library, especially if it’s raining outside and you can hear it.

he probably owns just a few notebooks and pens but at least he has his textbooks.

if he doesn’t get something right away, he’s gonna get frustrated and need reassurance.

he loves it when you’re teaching him stuff, it takes away from the looming feeling that he always has to be the bigger person.

but he’s still a good teacher himself, i feel he’s pretty patient. but if you can’t grasp what he’s explaining to you, he might give up after a while and get you to google the answer.

brings coffee to your study dates and remembers your order every. single. time.

doesn’t like to study super late, eventually he’s gonna close your books too and insist you rest.

takes pictures of your notes cause he likes them more than his.

may or may not pretend he doesn’t get something just so you’ll explain it again.

“sorry, can you explain that again?”

“reiner, i’ve explained it five times.”

“i think one more time should do it :)”

thinks you’re cute while you’re studying and sneaks a few peeks in every so often.

© silk-heartss

[supercorp-hosie]

Thoughts on Holarke? Do you think they would have a potential start of relationship?

Thank you for asking! If I remember correctly you’re my first ask, congrats!

I love them, though I’m convinced that the writers are still obsessed with Handon. So the chance of happening is just low. Judging from “kids”, they kind of make themselves clear. I do think that Hosie has better chances than Holarke. Even they are all just as low as hell😂. My reason is Hosie happening can actually benefit the show more in my sense of logical.

Of course they have the potential of starting a relationship! If we don’t consider the writers as a variable, they can.

First, it’s the chemistry, I feel them the most starting from 116. They are fighting, working against each other, but they have this undercurrent beneath them, like a cosmic pull. During their hostility, they also get to gradually understand each other, I just feel that they’re just not entirely against each other. It’s just their stance that make them so. The aura I got from 116 when they grabbed each other’s neck, oh damn. That’s the first struck on me.

Secondly, their experiences are very similar. Their whole life is like an never ending trauma, as they said. It helps a lot for them to understand each other, because their whole lives, they are trying to break that traumatic cycle. They can feel for each other. This make them available to be close with each other extremely easy.

Next, they have some similar personalities. They always choose fight mode between flight or fight situations. They face them straight up, they work hard to solve the problems. In a Hogwarts house sense, they are definitely both Slytherin. They don’t actually care what means to use when it comes to achieving their desired results. Plus their wittiness, they can be great partners in crime.

Moreover, their differences are what bring them together too.

Fourthly, in the experiences perspective: For Clarke, he overcame his connection with Malivore, which is his huge breakthrough after hundreds of years. For Hope, her struggle with Malivore just barely started. Clarke’s experiences of working alone in this breakthrough of trauma cycle can be a great inspiration to Hope, as we can see in 316. He’s the one that can convince Hope to rely on friends and enemies, because he speaks from experiences. He can guide Hope through it. In the contrary, Hope has experiences in working with friends and family to overcome problems even though sometimes she prefer to work alone. Clarke hadn’t had a real friends for hundreds of years, so he will be very unfamiliar in the department, as all his life, he can only trust himself and all he knows is manipulating people into helping his cause. It’s easier when Hope helps him with that. It’s especially easier for them to communicate in that department because Hope had been a lone wolf for many years, it will help them being on the same page for starters, as to how to work with friends and family. They’ll need their unique way of adapting that. Clarke can help Hope integrate more and wholeheartedly because Clarke knows the importance of friends and family, he can bring Hope to integrate more along him in the process. Especially helping Hope strengthening her ties with everyone at the school, instead of how previously she just kind of abandoned her other relationships for Landon.

Besides, Hope has a better sense of morality than Clarke. She is more of a selfless person while Clarke has this habit of fighting for himself for a very very long time. She is not like Josie that can allow people to walk over her, and she will fight if people treated her wrongly. So when this blend with Clarke, there can be fights between them, but they can absolutely improved a lot because Clarke must have this urge to hold his relationships dearly after centuries of longing for them. It’s the motive that will make him develop a better sense of moral when treating people. As for working together, Hope can be the one that keep them in a right direction with moral. As a group without moral in achieving their cause always fail eventually, because people can’t always tolerate them. One day, a group without moral and justice will just meet its death from the crowd that they have wronged.

As for the age difference that people doesn’t like at all, I see perks from them. Yes the different viewpoints for certain things may be driving them apart, but they can also help with giving a new perspective of solving problems and experiencing life. The elder ones always consider more and rather conservative, the younger ones can be impulsive and innovative. The elder can guide the younger one with the problems that they encountered while the younger one can guide the elder one to embrace new concept and adapt to new things easier. They just balance each other out. Not to mention, Hope is bound to be a full tribrid sometime while Clarke has lived a lifetime, without the Mikaelsons present, Clarke is just the one to comfort Hope on how to face that fear of living a lifetime. Clarke can become a vampire.

In addition, there are actually great moments between them. “I don’t hate you”, the snarky banters, how Clarke can make Hope laughs, how Hope is the first to comfort Clarke in his whole life, “Merry Christmas, Clarke”. The comfort spell, and Clarke’s “thank you”. I just feel like even though they tried to kill each other, they just have this unspoken mutual trust between each other. There must be scenes that I don’t recall, I feel like there are more.

Most importantly, both of them are intelligent and resourceful, they can kick each other asses, even though Hope kicks Clarke asses more, but still. The one that knows you more is your opponent. It’s why that they can be your life-long opponent. They are equal. Even with the age difference, there are not so much power imbalance between them, the power dynamics can be healthy, they’re definitely not doctor-patient, boss-subordinate, teacher-student, etc. They are definitely equal, even though Clarke called them “kids”, but if he really think they’re not equal, he wouldn’t suggest friends and got a “frenemies at best” from Hope in return. I love when there’s this competition between them to kick each other asses, while at the same time, they’re working alongside each other, supporting each other with the same thing they want, and finally developed something. It’s an interesting dynamic. They’re definitely equals no matter what Clarke claims.

Every time Clarke says “kids”, I just think that do you remember how many times this “kid” kicks your ass? Sometimes I just see Lizdon in them. I’ll wait until the time where he got enough of it and finally admit that he can’t say “kid” anymore. Another thing is that, someone reminded me of this line where Clarke said he’s just a kid who want to be free of something? So that put them as equal too.

Hope and Clarke are these lonely souls that are always fighting against the traumatic events in their lives. Hope has lost so much while Clarke has nothing to begin with. They’re just Holarke, perfectly good to lick their wounds together, face them together , and gradually heal each other.

[spxllcxstxr]

Bridge Over Troubled Water • R.L

(Gif not mine)

Requests: can you do a blurb with Remus where the reader is nervous and anxious, maybe has a tough week and he gives her a massage and helps her relax? — anon and Hi! can you write an imagine where the reader is dating Remus and is disappointed in her school grades / results and is overall doubting herself and is disappointed with herself? — @emmaev

Summary: Things are getting really tough. Remus is here for you.

Warnings: mention of food, not eating/skipping a meal, hunger, depression, anxiety, a bit of a panic attack, homework, school, self deprecating thoughts, kinda take how we’re feeling in this pandemic and that’s kinda what this fic is, Snape being an ass for like two sentences, crying

Word Count: 1.7k

A.N: I hope it’s alright that I combined your two requests. But, I decided to make it longer with a lot more comfort. I really hope it’s ok with you guys ❤️ Kinda a vent fic? So that’s why it’s lowkey all over the place and the ending is sorta..abrupt? I hope you like it, though. I wanna say that I’m always here for you guys. This whole thing has been kicking my ass and school has been extremely tough for me, so know that you’re not alone. Know that you’ve got this. I believe wholeheartedly in you. Love you all. ❤️

Title: Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water

****

You trudge up the stone steps to the boys dorms, your bag dragging heavily behind you. With your robes slipping from your shoulders and your tie dangling loosely around your neck, you almost consider letting your bag go. Watching the heavy sack of books tumble recklessly down the spiral staircase seems like a great idea to you. However, you make it to the sixth year dorms before you’re able to loosen your grip.

The oak door was closed but not locked. What use was a lock when the door was charmed to singe off the eyebrows of any unwelcome visitor? Thankfully, the boys granted you complete access to their room in third year, so the door couldn’t harm you.

Turning the brass doorknob and stepping through the threshold, you’re greeted by somewhat organized chaos.

Sirius and Peter’s side of the room was a complete disaster while James and Remus’ side was at least nicer to look at. Sure a few books were scattered on the floor and James’ red and yellow underwear was hanging from his bedpost visible to anyone who walked in, but that’s nothing compared to whatever the other two have going on. You don’t even want to look at it, knowing full well that just one tiny glance would make your already terrible day worse.

The room is empty and completely quiet, the boys, just like every other person in the castle, were down in the Great Hall for dinner. At the thought of dinner just downstairs, your stomach grumbles before quickly churning in agony.

Quickly, you dump your bag next to the door and go through Remus’ drawers, searching for that one specific jumper.

It’s the deep blue cable knit one that always smells like him. The jumper is soft and warm and the perfect piece of clothing to cuddle into when you needed a good cry. And Godric, you needed a good, long, ugly cry.

After finding it and throwing it on, you barely lift up your feet walking to your boyfriend’s bed to get swallowed up by his blankets.

The weight of the day hits you full force the moment your head collides with his pillow, and your lips wobbles, the day replaying in your mind.

Your morning started with a Transfiguration exam that definitely was not on what you studied all night for.

Then, your potion bubbled out of your cauldron and started disintegrating the stone flooring, making Slughorn shoot you very disappointed look that made you want to disappear into the Forbidden Forest forever.

Defense Against the Dark Arts turned into a complete disaster as well when Professor Bluebell handed back your essays on inferi, and yours ended up with a spikey red D scrawled angrily on the top. D, which stands for Dreadful, as Snape snidely reminded you from over your shoulder. He flashed you smug little smirk along with the delicate O that adorned his own essay.

And to top it all off, you had to meet up with Flitwick right after classes to go over the vinegar to wine charm that for some reason wouldn’t work for you no matter how hard you tried. And you still weren’t successful.

This was becoming a common occurrence.

You always knew that your N.E.W.T. year was going to be tough, but Merlin, you never expected it to be this awful.

Classes were longer and harder and your professors were relentless and unforgiving with the amount of homework and exams they started handing out.

Sure you had more free periods, but those were filled with research and essays and studying, you had no free time at all—it was all a lie.

You couldn’t escape it. Sleep was just more time to be plagued by anxiety to the point you barely even slept at all. Most of the time you stared blankly up at the ceiling thinking about all the assignments you could be doing instead.

It’s this torturous and vicious cycle that you just can’t get out of.

And your motivation was quickly disappearing.

It was getting tougher and tougher each time to even do your homework. Lifting up your quill and taking out a stack of parchment was just difficult. It took too much energy out of you.

Smothering your face in Remus’ pillow, you groan out your frustration, balling your fists around the frayed sleeves of the jumper.

You’re so wrapped up in your despair and panic that you don’t hear the door creak open and four sets of footfalls and laughter bounce around the room.

“Damn, what’s up with you?” Sirius chuckles. You hear him flop onto his own bed.

You bury your nose in the fabric of the jumper, inhaling the sweet and comforting scent of chocolate and old parchment that always accompanies Remus Lupin.

“Don’t be a git, Pads.” Remus scoffs, making his way towards you.

He crouches down by your head, placing a delicate thumb on your cheekbone.

“Darling, what’s wrong?” His tone turns soft, drenched with concern.

You squeeze your eyes shut tight, tears trickling down the bridge of your nose and dripping down to the white sheets.

“Alright, darling, hold on.” Remus whispers, placing a dainty kiss on your forehead.

He straightens up, knees creaking the way no sixteen year old’s should.

“Alright, lads, clear out.” Remus declares to his friends.

“You can’t kick me out of my room, Moony. No way.” You hear James whine.

“Yes, I can, Prongs, c’mon. Go play chess with Peter or something.”

“But he always beats me.”

“C’mon, Prongsie, we can scam the first years by making them place bets on you winning.” Sirius suggests. His boots click against the floorboards, trailing towards the door.

Peter’s light footsteps follow after them.

“Fine.” James huffs dramatically. “But I’m not sleeping on the couch again, so no funny business.”

The door slams shut and once again you’re met with silence, though you do hear Remus changing out of his uniform and into more comfortable attire.

The bed dips underneath Remus’ weight and his hand gently starts to stroke through your hair.

“Tell me what’s wrong, my love.” Remus mumbles just loud enough for you to hear.

You try to swallow down the lump in the back of your throat.

“Just a very shitty day, Rem.” You manage to croak out, the words choppy and wavering.

Tears begin to flow freely, warm salty streaks making their way down your face in rapid succession.

“Oh darling.” Remus coos, practically pulling you into his arms and between his legs. You bury your face into his neck, tears dampening his scarred flesh. “It’s alright, let it out.” He continues to run your hair between his fingers. “Let it all out...”

“I-I’m just so stupid!” You sob, choking on spit. “Everything’s just getting too much and I can’t fucking take it anymore!”

He squeezes you closer to his chest, opting to stay silent so you can vent everything off of your chest. His cheek is pressed to the top of your head and you’re vaguely aware that you’re being rocked gently back and forth.

“It’s so hard!” You continue to wail, lungs constricting rapidly. It’s a struggle to keep breathing and your words barely come out fully, instead broken fragments are the only things spewing out.

“I’m a failure!” You spit out, face wet with tears.

“You’re not a failure, my love. I promise.” Remus tried to soothe, his voice adopting a small but noticeable waver. His hand rubs your back.

“I am! I’m a disappointment!” You sniff, taking in deep gulps of air.

“Shh...” Remus pulls you back a bit so he can see your entire face.

You already know you look disgusting. Eyes blotchy and red, tears streaming down your face. Snotty, spitty, wobbling, and watery features taking up his entire vision.

“What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours, hm? Let me help.” He consoles you softly.

You gaze into his warm honey brown eyes, glistening with his own tears.

You sniff, rubbing the sleeves of Remus’ stolen jumper across your face in an attempt to dry yourself off.

“Everything’s slipping, Rem. My grades, my mental health, everything. And I’m so lost I don’t know what to do anymore.” You confess. “What am I supposed to do?” You bring your hands up to you hair, tugging at your scalp enough for you to feel sparks of pain.

Quickly, his own trembling hands take yours. He stops you from tugging, instead bringing them to rest on his jumper clad chest.

You swallow harshly.

“I’m going to help you, (Y/n)—“

“You can’t help me, Remus! I’m beyond help—“

“No, you’re not.” He retorts lightly. “I’ll help you with homework and help you ask for a few extensions...we can get you back on track.”

“Remus...” Your voice trembles at his kindness.

“I’m sorry.” He rasps out, a tear or two slipping from his waterline. “I’m so so sorry that I didn’t see you suffering like this. Merlin, (Y/n).”

Shaking his head at himself, he brings his forehead down to your own.

“I’ll be better. I’ll be better, I swear.” Remus keeps repeating in a pained mutter.

“It’s not your fault, Rem. I got good at acting like everything was fine.” Your voice cracks.

“Still! I should’ve realized!” He mutters angrily.

“I love you, Remus. I love you so much, please don’t beat yourself up over this.” You plead.

He bites his lip, deciding to drop it, instead focusing on you.

“Why don’t we try to relax, hm? Just take a nice night off?” Remus suggests, pulling away to brush strands of hair away from your sticky face.

“But what about homework—?”

“Tomorrow, love. I think we deserve a break, don’t you?”

You shlyly nod, and he presses his lips to your forehead.

“You’re beautiful, darling.” Remus whispers.

“I just bawled my eyes out, Rem, I’m sure I look like a swamp hag.” You snort.

He brings his hands to your shoulders, rubbing deep circles into your back muscles. The knots start to dissipate.

“Never seen a swamp hag as angelic as you.” Remus flirts. But his voice is so sincere and honest, you have no choice but to somewhat believe him.

“Thank you, Remus.” You smile. “It means so much to me.”

“Anything for the love of my life.” He confesses, trailing his pink lips down your neck. “Now let me hold you close.”

He lays down, resting his head on his pillow, your head resting on his chest.

Things are going to get better.

Probably not tomorrow.

Probably not this week.

But things will.

•

All Character Taglist: @aspiringsloth20

[jeagerhearts]

HI GUYS ITS BEEN SO LONG!!!

(this is makiszn i’ll have a new user by the time most of u see this)

i’m sorry for disappearing, online school kicked my ASS i don’t even wanna talk abt it

but i’m in my senior year now!! it’s been going so well and i’m ready to start writing again ^^

i think instead of this being just a smau blog i’ll make it my main and just interact from @akaashigiri because i wanna start taking requests too

as for stereo hearts i’ll start working on it again but i cant promise anything anytime soon D: i lost motivation for it but not all the way

andlooking back at my old post my humor was so bad someoje pelase i’m gonna cry

[cyannaid]

A letter to Technoblade:

Two years ago, I was at my lowest point, my last year of high school was the MOST miserable I have ever been. I completely lost all energy to do anything kike I wouldn’t turn in my assignments, later I would start skipping classes, stopped doing the things I used to love. Hell, it got to the point where even eating or going to the bathroom was *exhausting* for me. I spent most of my time in bed, basically sleeping all day. I honestly couldn’t see a better future from here.

……….

October 2020. I first get introduced to the Dream SMP. I remember laughing like crazy watching compilations of the vods, I haven’t felt such joy in a long time.

Two weeks later, November 16, 2020. The finale of the l’manburg war. I didn’t know what twitch was or how it worked, so I watched the very first stream that was available to me: Technoblade’s. And I’m SO glad I did. I remember being at the edge of my seat completely amazed by everything that unfolded, especially his character and acting. I kept repeating parts and snippets of his stream over and over again because he was just SO badass!

Technoblade instantly became my favorite character.

From then on, I could only wander “what’s gonna happen from here???”. And *THAT* SIMPLE THING is what gave me the energy and my motivation to get up from bed for the next months. To see where this silly little Minecraft roleplay story was going, mostly through the perspective of Technoblade. Each time he always delivered with his acting, humor, wit. He’s overall personality quickly drew me in, so I decided to also check some of his other content.

Technoblade instantly became one of my favorite Minecraft ccs.

He always made me laugh, put a smile on my face when I needed it the most at the time.

If I didn’t come across him, I probably would’ve never gotten up from my bed…

…………

2021. I begin going to therapy and taking medication. I survive graduate from high school, partly thanks to that now I had a distraction. After that here I go... now what?

Watching your passion for what you did was contagious, it infected me soon after. MY passion for my interests not only started to come back… I also started to learn how not to be embarrassed of them anymore... of what I do (I’m still learning).

YOU reminded me what I loved about drawing,, watching cartoons,, playing videogames,, what I love about CREATION: THE JOY IT BRINGS.

…………

July 2022. I now have a new outlook on life. I’m about to start my second year of college for a career I love so far. I’ve made new friends like I’ve NEVER had before. I hope I keep getting to do what I do; I even hope someday I become a content creator of my own!

……….

I recognize my own strength; I know the progress I made in my journey of healing was all due to my efforts. But Techno… YOU were the one who JUMPSTARTED this journey

I feel kind of dumb writing all this out, afterall we’re strangers to each other. But in the short time I was your fan, you’ve made such a huge impact on my life and I will FOREVER be grateful.

You were an amazing person Alexander ‘Technoblade’ but you were taken too soon. However, you fought bravely with your humor and positivity at the face of adversity till the very end! Rest assured your legend will never die! Because Technoblade never dies!! If a heaven does exist, I hope your kicking the ass of whatever god is up there!!!  >:] hehe…

So long, King 

Rest easy 🤍

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with MustangSally

MustangSally has 33 stories at Gossamer. Even if you haven’t read it, you’ve probably heard of at least one of them, Iolokus, since it’s an X-Files fanfic classic. All her fics hit big and are well worth your time. I’ve recced some of my favorites here before, including And Dance by the Light of the Moon, All the Children are Insane, and Iolokus. Big thanks to MustangSally for doing this interview.

What's the story behind your pen name?

I could tell you but then I would have to kill you.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

Yes and no. Yes, because life has moved on since the early nineties and the characters and the fans are in vastly different places now. Our current tech would make the premise of the X-Files impossible. No, because of the longevity of some of the Star Trek TOS work (there’s an archive of hard copy fanzines at the University of Iowa). Top-drawer authors started out in TOS fandom.

I’m just greatly saddened that my physical body is showing wear and tear while the fic doesn’t. Fic gets to stay smooth-skinned and muscular, captured at the peak of perfection.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

At the risk of sounding atrociously trite, I think of the friends I made.  I met some very remarkable women that I’ve been able to stay friends with online for over twenty-five years.  We may have moved to Facebook and post entirely too much about our pets and which of our body parts has sagged this week, but we’re friends.  It’s a furiously funny, feminist, and well-educated group of women with jobs in the highest levels of academia, finance, communications, and media.  I’m amused by the fact that if I have a question about how a virus replicates, I can ask a PhD I’ve been drunk with in Las Vegas.

Back in the day, I had a job that sent me traveling around major cities in the US and UK. I could post on a message board and within ten minutes there were people I could go out for dinner and drinks with. We already knew we had something we could talk about for at least a couple of hours. Additionally, most of these people were women so there was an added level of security. Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

Well, it was mostly atxc and the Yahoo! groups mailing lists that spiraled out into Geocities sites and, eventually, LiveJournal. The amusing thing is that getting in on the ground floor of social media and the Internet has helped me get jobs!  When I look at a new piece of software, I think, ‘this is hella easier than uploading to Geocities.’  We had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, on dial-up, fighting off dinosaurs with our AOL CDs while writing HTML code. What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

DO NOT FEED THE TROLLS.

The past four years in politics have basically been the ugliest online kerfuffle the world has ever seen. I survived the Shipper Wars of ’96 and I thought those were brutal, but that was NOTHING. The only way to win an argument online is to not have the argument at all. Arguing with a troll is like mudwrestling a pig: You both get filthy and only the pig is happy.

Also, READ THE FUCKING TERMS OF SERVICE.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

I had the most terrible straight-girl crush on Scully. I wanted to be her best friend, I wanted to BE her.  I wanted to order Chinese food and paint each other’s nails and talk about bones.  Scully and Princess Leia and I could all just hang out poolside with hot and cold running waiters and poolboys, drink margaritas, and bitch about how unfair it all was – if the stupid men would just get OUT OF THE WAY AND LET US DO OUR JOBS, the world would be so much better. What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

This question is really about Iolokus, isn’t it?  You can’t fool me. [Lilydale note: I can neither confirm nor deny the motivation for this question, but I cannot complain about the answer.]

Simply put, I was enraged. The moment it was revealed that Scully’s ova had been used in experimentation, I lost my feminist mind. It was the most obscene defilement imaginable.  Scully wasn’t nearly as angry as I was.  What I thought needed to happen was for Scully to become a fiery force of vengeance against the MEN who had done this to her.  Clearly, I was not going to get that level of satisfaction from the show, as I was imagining Kali-like carnage on a global scale. I emailed RivkaT (whom I did not know well at that point) with a proposition that we work together. Strangely enough, we didn’t meet face to face until we were well into the project, but we did talk on the phone quite a bit. The rules were simple – everyone had to be punished in truly horrific ways, and at some point, we had to see if we could write a car chase (only because that seemed impossible).  Then it basically turned into a very twisted game of chicken to see who could be the most outrageous in terms of killing people off or writing really horrific things that fit within the structure of the narrative.  I did, in the end, write the car chase, but RivkaT one-upped me by throwing in a helicopter (a FOX News helicopter, at that).  

Really, RivkaT?  A helicopter? What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom? I am terribly proud of what I wrote, pleased that it brought pain and pleasure in equal amount to people, and, again, thrilled by the people I became friends with. I admit that I stopped watching the show when Scully announced her pregnancy.  I could only see a long jump over a shark tank for the rest of the series. I haven’t watched the new episodes, either.  It is complete in my mind and doesn’t need to be continued.  I wouldn’t say no to having a reunion with some of my fic friends, although we’re still chatting online like everyone does.   Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

Rivka and I wrote in the Buffy fandom for a few years, but then we moved on to real adult jobs that left absolutely no time for me to write. I’m in education, and I regularly sweat blood for fear that someone is going to find my old fic. The Buffy people were fun; there was a certain *shininess* to them that I really enjoyed. The X-men authors were just batshit and delightful, and some amazing stuff came out of Marvel fandom, particularly in the Thor/Loki and Steve/Bucky subgenres. I’ve learned to appreciate a good coffee shop AU and one famous Erik/Charles fic where all the main characters are crabs. Seriously, crabs—it’s hysterical. [Lilydale note: Other Crabs Cannot Be Trusted by groovyphilia currently has almost 2,500 kudos at AO3.]

Every few years, I’ll have a student try to explain to me what fandom is and I just smirk. Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully? No. Not really. Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom? I fell into an X-Men hole a few years back and had a great old time wallowing in the Cherik muck, and there was a flirtation with BBC Sherlock as well. Strangely enough, I became interested in A/B/O fics only because of what they were saying about the role of women in our society. The limitations on the male omegas seem absurd and then you realize those are the same limitations put on women all. the. time.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

RivkaT very nicely formatted everything and put it up on AO3. What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I will always be stupidly proud of how shocked and horrified people were by Iolokus. The truth of the matter is that Iolokus has Greek drama at its core. Scully is Medea, and the entire story is lousy with “blood on the threshing floor” and Dionysian rites. The everyday is subverted into horror, and wives and daughters will tear men limb from limb like the Maenads. Since I was ultimately disappointed with what Chris Carter did with the entire show, that approach seemed appropriate.

At a certain level, all fic is corrective fic.  Like critic Anne Jamison said, “Irritated fans produce fanfic like irritated oysters produce pearls.”  And because fic has fallen so much into women’s sphere, a pure form of correction is not just the death of the author but the MURDER, a new creation springing up from the spilled blood like Cadmus sowing dragon’s teeth.

Okay, that’s a bit much. Maybe I should just take myself back to the isle of Goth Amazons or something. Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I had to write a self-evaluation and a reflection on pedagogy today. If that’s not fiction, I don’t know what the fuck is.

All my creativity is caught up in trying to pretend to be a normal middle-aged white woman so no one knows I am really a lizard.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

Keep writing, keep reading, keep fighting the commercialization of narratives. As things grow more and more commodified, all our dreams and desires reduced to tchotchkes made in China, it’s a revolutionary act to separate your work from the marketplace. Be bold, take chances, turn the trope on its ear and kick it in the ass. Take everything the creators have done to make a work palatable to the unwashed masses and set it on fire.

Be subversive.

Be mean.

Have a great fucking time.

(Posted by Lilydale on March 2, 2021)

[superworldunkown]

It’s a date! (x3) Part 1 - The Agreement

AN: I’ve wanted to draft this one out for awhile but I don’t have the time to crank it all out in one go so breaking it up into 4 parts! Can’t wait for you all to read.

Summary: You’ve done it again. Thrown yourself in harms way and now you’ve left Midoriya, Todoroki, and Bakugou to take care of you. When you half assed admitted you wanted all of them to take you out on a date for your heroic deed, you were surprised that when you had awoken, they agreed and set the plans in motion. 

(Sorry Kiri with the beautiful bouquet - you aren’t in this story but that is because you’d literally blow all these emotionally constipated beans out of the water. The world isn’t ready for your level of manliness and quite frankly we don’t deserve it!) 

“Y/N! Y/N Please, please keep your eyes on me okay!” Midorya’s voice was frantic, on the verge of several different emotions that all seemed to be vying for attention. 

“Yellin’ ain’t going to fill the hole in her fucking chest ya damn nerd!!” Bakugou’s brash voice cut through the panic and the surrounding chaos around them, “Icy Hot where’s the damn first aid...and don’t you dare die on me, ya hear. I still haveta kick your ass for that stupid stunt you pulled back there.” 

Todoroki, ever so calm and lacking emotions, though inside he was screaming, "Both of you need to calm down. Y/N try to stay awake for a little longer. Medics are on the way.” 

Despite your lungs collapsing and your blood escaping at an alarming rate, you found the situation quite hilarious. “Please,” you managed to gurgle out, “Don’t tell me you boys...are fighting over me again.” 

“This isn’t the time for jokes,” Todoroki hushed while placing torn piece of his uniform against your chest, “You need to heal.” 

The green haired student was on the verge of tears, “Please don’t die-” 

“Shut it Deku!” Bakugou snapped.

You rolled your eyes, gasping slightly, “I’ll live, on one condition,” Your eyes became a bit glazy, “You all gotta take me on date when I wake up, okay?” 

“Deal.” Izuku was the first to speak up, his hand clutching around yours. 

“Sure,” Todoroki agreed while putting pressure on your wound, “Just stay with us, help is almost here.” 

Bakugou was last to confirm. He muttered a quick fine before his calloused hands drew themselves to your neck, checking your pulse to ensure you had enough fight in you before he darted off to blast the bastards that got them all in this mess in the first place.  

You had kept your promise, holding on until the medic team arrived and you promptly passed out once you were airlifted to the hospital. 

The week after the attack was hell. You had an enormous amount of healing to do. Your body had to practically learn to breathe on its own again. But, each day you slowly gained more of your strength, and eventually the levels of oxygen you needed lowered to a point where you could see the light, and your discharge at the end of the tunnel. You still needed a small oxygen tube in your nostrils - after all, you could barely make it around the hospital floor without collapsing. 

But, it felt good to almost, almost be up to speed again. After a day of rehab your body stretched in the armchair in your hospital room, your eyes studying a text book as you attempted to regain a weeks worth of school before you were allowed back to class. However, the familiar arguing of your three favorite heroes-to-be distracted you once again. 

The door slammed open and Bakugou, Midoriya and Todoroki stumbled into the room as if they were racing to see who would get in first. Your mind flashed back to the Sports Festival from your first year at UA. Things were so much simpler back then. And the relationship between the three of you was much less complicated. You were rivals and nothing more. Now you found yourself in an an emotional web. You were close with all of them in your own way, but the emotions between them varied. 

You held such a deep emotional bond with Midoriya. His heroic energy drew you in and his soul was pure in ways yours could never be. He help you be a better person and you were forever grateful and in his debt for that. 

Todoroki you cared for on a personal level. You knew his struggles of acceptance, defiance and trauma first hand. The two of you would often get lost in conversation that only spanned 20 words or would spend hours walking along the campus grounds saying nothing or talking absentmindedly. Plus, his deadpan sense of humor was an absolute joy to be around. 

Then, there was Bakugou. Oh, Bakugou. All of them had their own flaws but of course you had to be enamored with the one with a raging ego muddled with imposter syndrome mixed with perfectionism. He was terrible, but wonderful. A loner, and Loyal. Like you he had a very backwards way of showing his kindness and care towards others, but you’ve grown to love the way he challenges you, motivates you, and stands by you (even if its far away from the corner of his eye). You couldn’t help it. He was your person. But, both of you were too shy and stubborn to admit it. 

“Y/N...are you alright?” Your green haired little bean asked, putting your mind back to the present moment. The three of them were standing next to you. One with a look of innocence, the second a look of emotionless concern, and the third...anger and spite. 

Ah, those were the faces of your boys. 

“I’m fine,” You reassured them, “Tired, but fine. What are you all doing here?” 

“We’re here about our promise.” Todoroki spoke first. Bakugou grunted while crossing his arms and Midoriya clasped his hands together, “And we talked it over on how it will work out.” 

Your confused face further irritated the blonde, “See, I told ya she’d forget. Way to put it back in her brain IcyHot.” 

“...is this about the date?” It finally clicked, “Guys, I wasn’t serious. I mean, not all the way.” 

“Well we promised.” Midoriya reiterated. “So this week we’re taking turns! I’ll be taking you out this Monday. Then Todoroki will on Wednesday, and then its Kacchan’s turn on Friday!” 

“You’re serious? I’m still in the hospital, I can’t even breathe on my own!”  You protested.

“Well we figured that into the equation so we’re doing it all here in the hospital. You don’t even have to worry about leaving. So, what do you say Y/N?” 

All three of them eyed you while awaiting your answer, some with hopeful orbs, others with a ‘just out with it!’ expression. You let out a sigh with a smile while nodding your head, “Okay, I agree. This should be very...very interesting.”

Oh, and it was.

AN: First part complete! I’ll be breaking this up into 3 parts with each new part as a date. First up, Midoriya! Click below!

[house-of-cakes]

Jamais Vu

Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Prev || Next

Chapter 14: Consider it Done 😇

Jungkook x Reader: enemy to lovers AU

Word count: 1505

Warnings: Swearing and Jungkook is the official president of the “I hate Y/N” Club 

Premise: “There’s an opposite to déjà vu. They call it jamais vu. It’s when you meet the same people or visit places, again and again, but each time is the first. Everybody is always a stranger… Nothing is ever familiar” – Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

AKA Jungkook goes in search of the girl who got him expelled.

Author’s note: There’s a slight error in the dates for this chapter. All of the dates should read for the month of February and not January. I think my social media app had a meltdown and I realised too late 😅. 

If you would like to give feedback or be tagged in this story please send me an ask/message 😊

Tagged list: @inspinkyring​ @betysotelo18​ @kardia-apo-marmelada​ @casspirit0705​ @preciouschimine​ @therealsugababe​  @lucedelsole97​ @deolly​ @lexy9716​​  @thesweetest-peas​ 

STORY CONTINUED BELOW THE CUT

Y/N climbed the stairs to the balcony and scanned the area for her intended target. She smirked to herself when she found the ash-blonde bombshell sitting by herself and made her way over to her.

She plopped herself beside the girl and let out an overexaggerated sigh of relief. She leaned her arm on the back of the couch and rested her face in her palm. Y/N positioned herself so that her body was turned towards the girl and waited for her to look up from her phone to notice her presence.

The girl grunted in annoyance at the disturbance and looked up from her phone, ready to tell off the stranger who had interrupted her peace.  The girl swallowed the dry lump that had formed in her throat once she realised who was sitting next to her.

She was in deep shit and she knew it.

It was common knowledge that Y/N never socialised outside of her friendship group and when she did it was never for a good reason.

“Hey! How’s your night going?” YN’s voice and smile was so sugary sweet which was a totally contradicted the dark and piercing look in her eyes. “You must be having a great time, I’ve been seeing you up top a lot lately.”

“U-u-h yeah.” She stammered as she racked her braining trying to recall what she had done wrong to get on Y/N’s bad side like this.

“I bet you thought you’d be able to come in here, bat those cute little doe eyes a few more times and soon enough you’d be securing a permanent spot on the balcony, right?” The girl sat up straighter and shook her head trying to deny the accusations.

“No tha-”

Y/N cut her off before she could explain

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t blame you for using your looks… I of all people know how far a pretty face gets you in a place like this” Y/N’s hand reached out to play with the ends of her short hair that perfectly framed her face. “But don’t think for a second your beauty act is convincing anyone that you’re anything more than a filthy thief.

“Is this because I like Tae?” the panic evident on the girls face “I promise I will leave him alone.”

YN realised why the blonde had chosen to sit where she did. From her spot she had a perfect line of sight of Taehyung where he sat with her friends and the rest of her brother’s crew.  

“Nah, that’s not it. Although it did piss me off to hear that you were harassing Sunnie again the other day for his number” Y/N shrugged it off nonchalantly even if she was filled with excitement, she was literally working a job that took care of a criminal and a thirsty-ass social climber.  “No that’s definitely not the reason why I’m coming after you…it sure does sweeten the deal though”

The girl started to sob, the jig was up. If Y/N exposed her for what she was she would be ruined.

If Y/N was aware about her sticky fingers she definitely knew about her other criminal activities. The girl knew that Y/N had her ways for digging up dirt on people and she was not afraid to expose them if it meant protecting her friends.  

She once heard a rumour that an older guy was bullying Jimin. When Y/N demanded he stay away from her friend he laughed in her face and said she wouldn’t dare touch him as he was the son of the local police chief. When the guy refused to listen to her warning, she got the guy expelled then exposed his father for his corrupt ways and got him fired.

“People are going to assume I’m exiling you because your one of Tae’s groupies and by all means feel free to continue that narrative...You’ll get to protect your innocent persona and people will continue to see how far I will go for my best friends.”

“You’re a crazy bitch! You know that right?!” she cried out

“Yes, I do and the more people who know that the better.” Y/N needed people to believe this take down was motivated by her dislike for groupies and not for the actual reason. She was very diligent in keeping the Magic Shop’s identity concealed and didn’t want her role as the Shop Keeper to be apparent.

“You can’t banish me!”

“Ahh you see, that’s where you’re wrong...I keep management very happy by keeping the Basement a trash free zone and they thank me by letting me do whatever the fuck I want.”

Y/N snapped her fingers in the air and pointed down to the girl next to her and immediately a security guard rushed over to throw the girl out.

“Thank you, Bounce.” Y/N offered her favourite bouncer a playful smile as she waved condescendingly to the disgraced girl.

From his spot next to Jin, Jungkook’s mouth fell open in shocked as he witnessed Y/N having an innocent girl thrown out. He thought whole scene was a disgusting display of an abuse of power.

“What the hell was that?!” Jungkook leaned over to whisper in Jin’s ear. He was very aware of the crowd he was sitting with and didn’t want to her brother or friends to overhear him.

“What was what?” Jin tore himself from the conversation he was having with Yoongi to answer him. Both of them turned their attention to him and waited for him to explain what he was going on about. When Jungkook didn’t answer immediately, Yoongi got the hint that the conversation was intended to be shared between the two cousins and turned to initiate conversation with Namjoon. Jungkook paused a moment longer, insuring the conversation was completely private before nodding his head in Y/N’s direction.

“Y/N just pointed at a girl and a bouncer came out of now where and threw her out!”

“Oh, that?” He replied nonchalantly, he hardly believed the question was so important that he needed to stop his conversation he was having with Yoongi. “You just saw your first Y/N take down.”

Jungkook’s face twisted in disgust at his cousin’s total lack of concern.

“How are you ok with that?!”

Jin shrugged in response.

“It’s not like she does it all the time or without reason. The people she kicks out are normally girls harassing Tae or Sunnie. She’s very protective and that’s what actually makes her a really good friend.”

Jungkook hated how quick Jin was to always defend this girl. From the moment she got him kicked out of the Basement to the time she kicked his ass at Reload, he saw no redeeming qualities in her. He thought the way she carried herself was rude and arrogant and the more he thought about how people let her get away with being a spoilt brat the more he grew irritated.

“Uh…what about the time she got me kicked out? What did I do to her then?!”

“I hate to break it to you kid but from what you told me…you bumped into her and Bounce kicked you out…she never asked him to do that”

“Everyone kisses the ground she walks on. She’s such a spoilt princess!”  Jin’s face hardened at the hostility in Jungkook’s voice. He noticed the ever-increasing negativity towards Y/N and it was begging to wear his patience thin.

Jin was aware that Jungkook was very popular at his old school and he believed that through his former popularity he had grown accustomed to the arrogance that came with being a part of the highest social standing.

Things worked differently here and although the scene was growing quite fond of him, there was a lot Jungkook needed to learn.

It was easy to misunderstand Y/N. It was even easier to believe this imagine that Basement portrayed of her. From the years that he had been Namjoon’s best friend he had come to see past the preconceptions that followed Y/N along.

Y/N didn’t need to be protected by anyone, much less Jin but he helped Jungkook get into the Basement and he, himself would gladly get his cousin kicked out if that’s what is needed for him to be humbled.

“Cut it out, Jungkook.” Jin’s voice was stern. It was very rare for Jungkook to see Jin call him by his name. The way he spoke to him was much like a parent scolding a child throwing a tantrum.

“But Hyung -” He went to continued however the sentence was lost when the group erupted in cheers as Y/N made her way to the group.

“Hey fam!” she greeted everyone then plopped herself into Taehyung lap. Jungkook watched as she threw her arm around his neck and beckoned her friends closer to her. She whispered to the group and when they pulled back their faces were plastered with smiles. 

Jungkook shook his head in disapproval. 

Everyone else may be able to be fooled by her pretty face but he would not.

[kitazura]

it’s the thought that counts, tendō satori

1.6k words of fluff; gn!reader

synopsis: tendō doesn’t understand the excitement surrounding valentine’s day until he decides to celebrate it with you.

notes: i haven’t finished the manga but i’m making timeskip content :D thank u rissie (@sugas-cookie) for beta-ing mwah <3

Tendō’s come to learn that Valentine’s day brings waves of purchases made by eager youth preparing to confess their affections, frantic lovers who’d completely forgotten about the occasion, and other last-minute shoppers looking for gifts to give their loved ones. This year is no different; the orders pile up so quickly he can barely keep up with them.

He’s not complaining—not when his bills are getting paid—he just doesn’t understand why everyone lets themselves get carried away by the Valentine rush. At the root of it all, it’s blatant commercialism, another scheme by society to run your bank account dry through obligatory benevolence, so why play into it? Well, as long as it keeps him in business, he supposes he’ll keep his critiques to himself.

“Don’t you think you’re being a little cynical?” you say when he shares his thoughts, the gentle smile on your lips showing you mean no harm. “I think the idea behind Valentine’s day is charming.”

He brushes his thumb over your cheek, humming in response. “Why’s that?”

“Isn’t it sweet when someone puts time and effort into something just for you?” you gush. Tendō watches your gaze turn dreamy as your mind wanders off into the clouds. “Like making chocolates for the person you like.”

“That’s what I do for a living, darling.”

“You like all of your customers?”

“Of course; they give me money, after all.”

You laugh, swatting his arm lightly. “I guess it’s hard to romanticize something you do as work.”

You’re not wrong. At some point, it’s expected for your job to lose its magic, no matter how passionate you are about it in the beginning. Chocolate has long lost its allure to Tendō, and now he spends day in and day out pouring it into molds and hurrying to shape it before it hardens beyond salvation. It’s become a chore for him, and even just catching a whiff of a candy bar sends his brain into the stress of work mode.

“What do you think about when you make chocolate, Satori?” you ask, interrupting his thoughts.

“What an odd question,” he remarks, clicking his tongue like a fussy mother hen. “I think about what I have to do to make it look presentable, of course. And then I count down the minutes until I come home to you.” He beams, proud of his response.

But pride turns to dismay when he catches a glint of disappointment in your eyes. His expression falls as he pulls you closer. “What’s the matter?”

You shake your head. “Nothing, nothing. Would you ever make me Valentine’s day chocolates?”

He tilts his head in surprise, then kisses your forehead. “I’d make you chocolate any day; all you have to do is ask.”

You seem to drop the matter, although he swears you sigh, “It’s not the same.”

He spends the next couple of days convincing himself he’d only imagined it, but something about your tone and attitude makes it stick in his brain. Whether you’d said it or not, there was clearly something behind your first question.

He asks you about it over dinner: “Is there a reason you want Valentine-themed chocolates in particular?”

“You’ve been thinking about that?” You laugh a little, surprised. “It’s not the Valentine theme I want; just the knowledge that you’re thinking of me on that day.”

He pesters you to elaborate—he’s always thinking of you, don’t you know that?—but you dodge his questions, leaving him in the dark once more.

Since you won’t give him any answers, he’ll just look for them on his own.

He texts Ushijima that night: “Why do you buy chocolate for the one you love?”

“Because they like it,” comes the reply. It’s simple, straightforward, but it’s not what he’s looking for.

He texts Semi the same question. The response is the length of a school essay, explaining the motivations of love in depths only a poet could reach, but it’s still not enough.

At work, your question echoes in his mind: What do you think about when you make chocolate, Satori?

What was he supposed to think about aside from the process? His customers?

He looks again at the order he’s making. It’s one he expects every year—it comes a week before Valentine’s, by a man whose wife adores chocolate covered strawberries. Tendō remembers it not only because of its consistency, but also because it’s always preceded by an order by the aforementioned wife, who asks for milk chocolate filled with raspberry créme that her husband is so fond of.

He wonders why they order the same thing at the same time every year. There’s no surprise in it, so what’s the point? Had he been in the husband’s place and you in the wife’s, he’d make sure to buy you something different every year, each present more extravagant than the last. He’d make sure that you’d always have something to look forward to in your married life.

A cheery little tune takes form beneath his breath as he pictures a life with you: silver bands around your fingers, lazy mornings on your days off, walks along the Seine.

He sweeps the excess chocolate off the molds in one clean stroke, sighing dreamily. You would buy a bigger, better apartment once you’d saved up enough, or even move to a quiet little cottage in the countryside.

His thoughts wander through the clouds as he mindlessly flits from one project to the next, forgetting to count the hours until his duty for today is through.

Lately, some of Tendō’s usual customers have been dropping by to say the same thing: there’s something different about his work these days. It’s not negative; on the contrary, actually, the quality’s spiked. But he can’t figure out what he’s been doing differently for the life of him.

It weighs on his mind from the time he clocks in to when he clocks out. He’s been using the same ingredients, the same equipment, so what was it?

His answer arrives in the form of the Chocolate Strawberry man, on the very eve of Valentine’s.

The man enthusiastically shakes Satori’s hand and thanks Him for his work, his hands warm and clammy from excitement despite the biting Parisian air.

“My wife would have liked to come along as well, but she’s preoccupied with the baby,” the man explains. “She wants you to know how much she enjoys your work, though. We look forward to it every year.”

“Then why not buy it off-season, when it’s cheaper?” Tendō asks. The man looks surprised, prompting him to continue. “With all due respect, you order the same thing every year, anyway, so why wait?”

The man laughs at the sincere look of curiosity in the chocolatier’s eyes, patting him on the shoulder, like a father to his son. “Why wait until birthdays to buy a cake? Why wait until Christmas to exchange gifts and set up the tree? It’s old advice, but it’s good: it’s always the thought that counts.” With one last pat on the back and an affectionate chuckle, the man wishes Tendō a good night—“Enjoy tomorrow with your loved ones.”

The stores are packed with the usual extremely last minute rush on Valentine’s morning, and for the first time, Tendō Satori is part of that crowd.

His arms are filled with the goodies he’d woken up early to buy: heavily discounted candies in tacky packages, a cheesy card, a bouquet, an offensively pink stuffed bear, crumpled foil balloons. (He’d made chocolates for you too; those were waiting in the fridge at home.) If it was an authentic Valentine’s experience you wanted, he decided, then it was an authentic Valentine’s experience you’d get.

He’d sent you out to pick up a cake across the city just before he’d left that morning, so the apartment is still empty when he returns. He checks his watch—only half an hour at most until you’d come back. Setting the bear on the counter, he gives it a determined grin.

“Think I can set everything up in fifteen?”

He’s just barely managed tying the balloons closed when he hears the knob on the front door jiggle as you unlock it.

“I’m home!” Your shoes thud to the floor, joined by Tendō’s footsteps as he hurries to help you with the cake. You thank him when he takes it out of your hands and leads you to the dining table while you chatter away. “Boy, did you see how many people are out there? It’s like all of Paris decided to run their errands this morning. It’s a miracle I got the cake here in one piece—what’s all this?”

Tendō grins, proudly motioning to his handiwork. The bouquet sits in the center of the table, surrounded by neatly arranged dishes of your favorite foods. The plush bear sits at the head, the card and candies tucked into its paws. Balloons reading “Happy Valentine’s” are tied to your chairs, gently swaying to and fro in greeting.

“Do you like it?” he asks. “I figured you wanted to do something for Valentine’s, but all the restaurants are booked so I had to improvise—”

You cut him off with a kiss, and another, then another. “I love it! I love you and I love”—you wave at the room—“all of this.” Another kiss to his cheek. “Thank you for thinking of me, Satori.”

He laughs as you hug him, squeezing as tight as you can. He thinks back to the strawberry man’s remark, “It’s the thought that counts.” And maybe, just a little, he’s starting to understand that there’s more to Valentine’s than business.

As you prepare the cake and gush over the bear, he pats the pocket of his jacket. The pretty little velvet box would have to wait until after lunch.

postscript: heyyy <3 i stopped writing for like three months srry LMAO but im back in business baby !! if i try hard enough and school stops kicking my ass maybe i’ll start posting twice a month ahaha ... unless?