#SELF CARE LOOKED A LOT EASIER IN MY HEAD😭

[somevillainfuckery]

Howdy Dowdy, Guys Gals & Non-binary Pals, Time for a Life Update

Its a bit past 2:00 now I haven't slept a wink My dickhead aunt and her bf have complete control over the temperature bullshit in my house, so the house is cold asf rn (THEY NEVER TURN OFF THE GODDAMN AC) I'm running on shitty fanfiction and the will to make like- 6 cavities go away because they don't hurt but I've still completely fucked myself over and I HATE the dentist We're moving soon [majority of shit in my house is already in storage except clothes, and dishes, and the singular functioning tv], I just have literally no fucking clue where we are moving to

Lets see uhm what else- Discord is indeed working, yippie ofc, but I- [*thinking thoughts being thunk*] I lost motivation to talk to people for some reason, at least I think Im wording that right. Mostly cause on Discord, I love the people I talk to, I really do, but I never realized how hard it is being a therapist in a jester costume for everyone, so with that plus all the bullshit of moving plus the fact not a single person in my family can get along for more than five seconds uhm... yeah- I'm exhausted, and because its only two people moving all this shit [that being me and my parental figure] I feel like my bones got thrown into a blender, which doesn't help because I'm naturally weak to the point even my xbox alone is super heavy- dunno if my weak ass body structure should be a concerning thing??

BUT- LISTEN UP- HEAR ME OUT- Me and my parental figure MIGHT be getting into this really nice 1 bedroom apartment, its not much, but its super pretty, and theres actually other families there n shit, so like ✨yay I finally get to socialize face to face with people even though face-to-face interaction sounds like a dream and a nightmare✨ PLUS- I got the haircut I've been dying for, and it came out super nice :D PLUS PLUS- I got some super old slinkydog toy and a switchblade comb from Cracker Barrel PLUS PLUS PLUS- Its been a very long time since I've been yelled at, and so far, no physical harm has been done to me by my family [aside from my toddler cousins punching me and shooting me with nerf guns Lmao] so FUCK YEEEAAAHHH FEELIN ✨G O O D✨

PLUS PLUS PLUS PLUS- I'm finally getting a job soon [my school NEVER gave me a work permit, and I'm old enough to work anyways]. I'm planning at working at the movie theater since we already live close to it, and if we get the apartment I had liked, we still live close to it :D It'll probably be sometime after we get settled in the new place

Life ain't too bad rn, I've randomly been getting like- midnight existential dread??- that or my random spikes of paranoia are just really kicking in because of the move- so now whatever the fuck it is is just being used as a motivation to focus on a future I want, will enjoy, and will support me all throughout. For once, I actually see my future being bright :D

[missnxthingg]

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄, 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐋𝐃 - 𝐹𝑂𝑈𝑅

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 - Lando Norris x Single Mom!Reader (Best friends to lovers) 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 - Lando and Y/N have always been the best of friends, always there for each other through thick and thin. After years of sharing the paddock and building their own silly little family, both of them just can't hold their feelings inside anymore, even though they're are both afraid it would ruin their friendship. So who'll take the first step? 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐒 - 6.1 K | 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 - A few swearing and self depreciating behaviour, but this is a very very cute chapter as well! 𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒 - We're almost done with the series 😭 only two more chapters to go. But I got so attached to it, I'm not ready to say goodbye

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“Shh, keep your voice down”, Y/N said to Lando as they were about to open the door to her house. It was late night at London, and she was pretty sure Olivia was already put to bed by her mother, as usually. But she was surprised when they entered the house, finding her daughter almost tripping on her feet and sliding on the wooden floors with her socks, rushing to the front door.

“Uncle Lando!”, she shouted, jumping into his arms. “You won!”, she cheered, making him smile with how excited she was to see him. Lando buried his face in her hair, taking in all the glory of having Olivia so proud of him.

“I won! Did you see that I dedicated my win to you?”

“Yes, I did”, she smiled, resting her tiny hands on each of his cheeks and squishing them. Lando had the biggest and most genuine smile plastered on his face, one that he has reserved only for Ollie.

Y/N’s mother appeared right behind them with a tired smile. Apparently, the little one has been giving her grandmother a hard time since Lando crossed the finish line in Miami. By now, it’s been more than 24 hours since it happened, and Ollie was still all hyped about the win. 

“She has been non-stop since yesterday. It was hard to put her to sleep last night, and today hasn’t been much easier”, her grandmother said, approaching the trio and pressing a kiss on top of her daughter’s head. “But it was cute to see her this excited about something. She really is your biggest fan, Lando”.

“Oh, I know it”, he assured. “She’s my lucky charm too”, he brushed the tip of their noses together, feeling happy to be reunited with his little girl.

“No kisses for mummy?”, Y/N complained, and Lando helped Ollie get closer to her mother. The little girl pressed a kiss to her mum’s cheek, but wasn’t really interest on giving me much attention. Her tiny arms quickly wrapped around Lando’s neck as she rested her head on his shoulder. “Fine, he’s the star of the moment, anyway”.

“I’ll take care of her. Try tiring her down”, he said. “Thank you so much for taking care of her, Mrs L/N”.

“Anytime, grand prix champion”, she smiled at Lando, who also earned a big kiss from her as well, making him blush with the gesture. Getting praise for Y/N’s mother, the woman who raised the love of his life, was better than any trophy. “And congratulations on your win. Hope you partied a lot yesterday”.

“We even missed our flight”, Lando laughed, looking back at Y/N, who tried her best to hide the embarrassment she was feeling at the moment. They only got to London so late because, in the heat of the moment, they forgot to set their alarms, waking up only at 1pm, missing not only their flight, but also the hotel’s breakfast and lunch.

“Sorry”, she scrunched her nose at her mother, who laughed at her reaction, shrugging the excuses off, knowing her daughter needed to live a little from time to time. Lando quickly entered the living room, ready to try tiring Olivia down in order for them to go to bed. Y/N’s mother read her daughter's expression and simply knew something had changed. It was the way they were glowing that gave it away.

“Did you finally confess your feelings for him?”, she whispered, being very direct about her question. Y/N’s eyes widened, and her entire face felt like it was on fire. 

“Mum! Oh my God, shut up”, Y/N said, but her mother smiled maliciously, already knowing what that reaction meant.

“Just so you know, I think Lando’s perfect for you. And if something did happen between you, well... you have my full support”.

Y/N’s mother has known for a long time that her daughter is in love with her best friend. And Lando was such a good man for both of her girls. If there was someone she trusted to take care of them, it was him. So, secretly, she has been praying for them to finally admit their feelings for once.

“I’ll catch you up with everything another time. I still have things to figure out”, Y/N assured. “Thank you so much for taking care of Ollie once again. I love you”.

“Love you too, darling. I’ll see you before you head to Italy next week”.

Once they were left alone, Y/N finally entered her house properly, finding Lando sitting in the darkness of her living room, being only lit up by the television light. Olivia was sitting on his lap, her head peacefully resting over his chest as they whispered and talked with each other. He was running his hand through her hair as she told him every detail of her weekend. Then, Y/N noticed what her daughter was wearing: her butterfly pyjama trousers and her McLaren shirt with a big NORRIS 4 printed on the back. What a sight it was to admire.

She leaned against the frame of the living room’s door, silently observing the scene unfold in front of her, trying to go unnoticed by her daughter. Olivia slowly grew tired under Lando’s touch and closed her eyes, falling into deep sleep in the safeness of his hold. Once she was finally convinced the little girl had fallen asleep, Y/N took a seat next to her best friend and cuddle onto his arm too. He pressed a kiss on the crown of her head and relaxed under her touch, feeling finally complete to be reunited with both of his favourite girls.

“She loves you so much”, Y/N also caressed her daughter's hair and admired her tiny carbon copy sleep so peacefully. “She didn’t even care about me, only her favourite uncle and his win”.

“Jealous?”, he joked, making Y/N giggle.

“A little. But I understand her. It’s hard not to love you”, Y/N flirted, making his smile wider. 

“I love you too”, he pressed a single and quick kiss to her lips, before turning his attention back to Olivia. She shifted on his lap, but snored in her sleep, too deep in dreamland to wake up.

“I don’t want to put her to bed”, Lando confessed. “I want to stay with her all night. I missed her so much”.

“She can sleep with us tonight”, Y/N assured, making him smile with the suggestion. He thought back to their night in Australia, when he got to end the day with both of his girls at the same time, and how happy that made him. Getting to experience this again, specially after last night, just hits different.

“Okay, let’s go then. I know we’re both tired from the flight”.

Ollie peacefully slept in her mother’s bed as Lando and Y/N took a quick shower after the flight, wanting to get to bed freshly after washing the tiredness away. They showered together, without any second intention behind it, just to save some time. And it felt so natural and intimate for them, like they had been doing it for years. It’s crazy how things simply work when they are together.

Quickly, they were back into bed, cuddled together with Ollie in the middle. Lando kept running his hands through his goddaughter’s hair, finding it so cute to see how serene she looks when she’s sleeping.  

“The way you look at her…”, Y/N commented, with the biggest smile on her face.

“She’s everything to me”, Lando assured, his eyes never leaving Olivia. “I remember the first time I ever held her in the arms, and she sighed a little in her sleep, reacting to my touch. I felt so happy to have her there with me, after so many months anticipating her arrival. That moment, I vowed that I would do everything in my power to protect and make her happy until the day that I die”.

“You make her the happiest”, Y/N said. “You’re the closest thing to a dad she has ever had in her life. And I’m glad that you are. Because having someone like you, loving her so much like this and making sure she’s happy, protect, safe… She deserves it all and more”.

“I never thought it was fair that Olivia’s father was never even interested in meeting her, because she's the best little girl in the world. And he doesn’t know what he’s missing. She’s the most funny and intelligent kid to ever be born. The entire joy and brightness in the world. If I were him, I would regret missing out on all of this”.

“I think she’s better off without him as well”.

“I think so too, don't get me wrong”, he justified. “It's just… I wanted her to have a happy, complete family, as I do. I vowed to do anything for her because she deserves a mum and dad that loves her with her whole heart. Such a pure and loving kid doesn’t deserve to feel like something is missing”.

“You never made her feel that way”, Y/N reassured Lando, now with her eyes brimming with tears. “She feels so loved and full because of you”.

“No, baby, it’s all because of you”, he smiled, brushing his thumb on Y/N’s cheek. “You did the best job as a mum. I was just here to help out and give her all the love she can get. But you… well, you were the one to raise Ollie, to turn her into the most amazing little girl in the world. I am so proud of you”.

“You’re going to make me cry”, Y/N confessed, already wiping tears from her eyes.

“It’s okay, I’m crying too”, he giggled, his eyes brimming with tears after the words he said. “I love you both, so much. You save me every day”.

“We love you too, Lando”.

Not long after that, he fell into deep sleep, which Y/N noticed because he started with his signature snoring a few minutes later. But she remained wide awake through the whole night, finally having time to process everything that had happened in the past 24 hours. Now looking at Lando, sleeping with his arms draped around Olivia and touching the skin of her arm, she thought life couldn’t get more perfect than that.

Last night in Miami had been everything she wished for. And she was glad it continued the next morning, when they were properly sober, but Lando was still willingly kissing her and showering her with all the love he could give. But what did that mean for them? Were they a couple from now on? 

Y/N fell asleep without an answer. And she didn’t really have an answer for weeks after that, because they didn’t talk about it ever again. Lando still kissed her behind closed doors, and she was even considering maybe asking McLaren to stop booking her a hotel room, because she basically ended up sleeping with him anyway. He continued saying he loved her every moment he could and was now spending more time in her place than his own after the races.

To be fair, she didn’t blame him for the lack of communication between them. After Miami, McLaren skyrocketed into the championship, getting closer and closer to properly fighting Red Bull for the win; yet, Lando still couldn’t take another win. He almost did in Imola, but in Monaco he didn’t even get to step on the podium. Then he got stuck in P2 in Canada and lost his pole position to Verstappen in Spain. The long strike of ‘almosts’ were consuming Lando, and Y/N didn’t want to put their relationship into discussion to make him more stressed. 

The triple header was especially hard for Lando, because all the tension from the season, combined with all the travels, intense routines and different time zones, were making him sick. Their first night in Barcelona, she spent almost completely awake by his coughing through the night. On Sunday, after he lost his pole position to Max Verstappen on the first corner, he started burning in fever, making her change her flight from London to Monaco, where she could take proper care of him before Austria.

It didn’t help at all that he did not finish the race in the Red Bull Ring after another collision with Max. Lando blamed himself too much when things go wrong, and it was taking a toll on him. And that night, Y/N saw something that only happens on very rare occasions, behind closed doors: him crying.

“Oh, baby, don’t be so hard on yourself”, Y/N held his face between her hands and whipped off the tears that were streaming from his eyes. He sobbed a little, feeling a little better to have her there with him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, I just want you”, he sobbed, pulling her for a hug. Lando buried his face on her belly and cried under her touch, because he felt protected. With Y/N, he could be vulnerable.

“It could be good for you to talk about it”, she tried, running her hands through his curls. “You can just talk, and I won't reply, if you want”.

“Yeah, that would be cool”, he said. “I don't want you trying to come with excuses of why I'm not a loser”.

“Oh, my love”, she lowered herself to his eye level and cleaned his tears with her thumbs. “Don’t say that”.

“Y/N…”, he started, reminding her of the agreement they made a few seconds ago. She nodded in agreement, pressing a kiss on his cheek, encouraging him to talk.

“I fucking suck”, he complained. “I know McLaren is doing great and that I'm not meeting everyone’s expectations right now. I wasted my pole in Spain and today, I didn't finish the fucking race. And I'm so tired, of all the travelling and being away from home. I miss my mum and dad. I miss my siblings. I miss Olivia more than anything in the world. I just want to go home”.

“We'll be home tomorrow”, she assured him. “And Ollie will be waiting for you so we can go golfing, and your parents are coming to London to spend time with us. Your family will always get your back”.

“I know”, he smiled weakly. “I love you so much. And thank you for just listening. I'm sick and tired of people wanting to have a say in my life”.

“You just needed to vent”, she sat next to him and pulled him into a side hug. “And you know that I'm always here to listen, because I love you more”.

“I think that's impossible, beautiful”, he cracked a genuine giggle, pulling her for a kiss, wanting nothing more than to just feel her for a second. 

“Let's go get things ready to go home”, she tugged his shirt, pulling him out of their bed. “Oscar and the team are waiting for us to fly home”.

Lando wished he was absolutely happy to be back home. But he was exhausted, and the entire week he spent in London, he stayed buried inside home, needing this time to recharge his energies and move onto the next race. His entire family came visiting after Y/N asked them to come in hopes to make him feel better.

It did help. Adam came almost every day for lunch and kept Lando distracted most of the time. But Olivia always kept him occupied, being his biggest fan and dragging him around the house to play with her. Cisca often came as well, and even prepared a special dinner to cheer him up, thinking maybe her son would find comfort in her food.

But no one helped him as much as Olivia did. After school in the morning, she’d spend the entire afternoon at home now that she had someone to look after her. So while Y/N was away working at the MTC, Lando would stay at home having fun with her goddaughter. But even the moments with his favourite little girl weren’t doing much to light up the mood.

One night that week, Y/N was cooking them dinner while Ollie was watching a movie in the living room. Lando arrived frustrated after a quick meeting with the team, shedding some shy tears when he came inside the house. When he found the little girl in the living room, he simply curled into Ollie’s hold and didn’t let go off her for the rest of the night.

She most definitely noticed that her uncle wasn’t his happy and bubbly self. So Olivia found her simple way to make him feel a little better by rolling her tiny fingers through his curls. Lando had been resting his head over her lap and relaxed her touch.

“Why are you so sad, uncle Lan?”, Ollie asked, making him look up at her through his lashes. Lando got a hold on one of her hands and held it gently, rubbing circles on its back. “Is it because of the crash?”

“Yeah”, he admitted, not wanting to explain how bigger this whole thing was to him. It was more than the crash, but Ollie wouldn’t understand that. “But I'll be okay. Just need to be with you and mummy for a second”.

“Don't be sad. Mummy and I love you”, she lowered her head to give him a kiss and it made his heart warm, and he cracked the first big and genuine smile the whole weekend. 

“I love you too. Both of you, baby girl”, he assured, having a quick glance at Y/N, that was under his view on the kitchen. Everything would be okay, as long as they had his girls.

Silverstone came quickly after those few days home. Even though he always loved his home race, along with the energy of the fans, it was stamped on his face how much he needed a break. All Lando could think about was summer break and how much he wanted to make this one special.

Even though he was having probably one of the worst weekends of his life, all he could think about was Y/N. The past few months next to her have been more than amazing, beyond his biggest wishes. She was the only constant in his life lately, and Lando wanted for it to be that way until his last breath. It’s been too long since they got together, and he still didn’t make things official.

Lando didn’t want to make their turning point as a couple something as simple and ordinary as a quick talk during the day. He wanted to make it special, and he has been planning on a way to make it happen for a long time. All Y/N had to do is agree.

“What do you think about spending some time in Spain during the break?”, he asked Y/N, as they were getting ready for the press conference in Silverstone. She was taking care of his curls, as usual, in his driver's room, and arched her eyebrows at his suggestion. “You, me and Olivia. A family holiday”.

“It would be nice”, Y/N smiled. “But remember, my break isn't as long as yours. I still have work to do”.

“But you do have a week off, and we can enjoy that”, he suggested. “I feel like we could all use some recharging somewhere nice and hot. I was thinking Mallorca”.

“Carlos used to say it was a nice summer destination”, she said, running her hands through his curls. “Then you'll go back to Monaco?”

“I was thinking about staying here. Not in your house, if you don't want to, but in England”.

“If you don't stay in my house, I'll be offended”, she joked, making him giggle.

“Then I'll stay right here with you”, he bumped her nose with his finger  and smiled. “Mallorca then. I'll book us a hotel”.

“Perfect”.

Lando had a lot of summer breaks around the world, partying in the best clubs in Europe and having the time of his life with his friends and girls. But nothing ever beat how good it felt to have a time off with his family, watching Ollie playing on the sand while getting tanned next to Y/N on a calm beach, away from mayhem and any cameras that would ruin their privacy.

“Can you put sunscreen on my back?”, Y/N pulled Lando out of his thoughts, extending him the tube of sunscreen. He promptly nodded and stood up, ready to help her.

He gently applied the product on her skin, feeling its warmth on his hands, making him smile. She looked over her shoulder and smiled at him, making him blush under her glance.

“I love you. Have I told you that today?”

“No, not today”, he said, and she leaned to give him a quick peck. “I love you too”.

“Your face is getting red. Let me put some sunscreen on your face”.

Y/N dabbed a few dots of sunscreen on Lando's face and before she could spread it, Olivia rushed to them and jumped over his lap.

“Come play with me, uncle Lan”.

“Let mommy just put some sunscreen on my face, baby”, he said.

“Do you want to do it, love?”, Y/N asked, and Ollie nodded excitedly, using her little fingers to carefully spread the dots on his face. “Good job, Ollie”.

“My girls, always taking such good care of me”, Lando cheered. “I love you so much”.

“I love you, uncle Lan”, Olivia hugged him and pressed lots of kisses on his cheek. “Come play with me”.

“Let's go, my love”.

Lando held Olivia's tiny hand and they walked together towards the shore, where she was building her sandcastle. Y/N stayed behind and took some pictures of them playing together. He helped his goddaughter put sand inside the beach bucket and then decorate it with more sand. Ollie listened carefully to his tips and followed his steps to work together as they giggled with their job. Y/N joined them shortly after, taking some pictures from up close, just to have that moment registered forever.

“Do you like it, momma?”, Olivia asked, pointing to their creation.

“Very much, baby. You did a good job”, Y/N praised, pressing herself on Lando's side and earning a long kiss on her temple. “Can I join you?”

“Always”, Lando said, giving her a shovel to join their work.

Lando and Y/N tired Olivia down to the point where she fell asleep in the longue chair, covered with a towel, as the sun setted on the ocean. The couple sat a little bit further, with their feet dipped inside the water, as they watched the day ending together. She rested her head on his shoulder and he pressed kisses on top of her head, feeling a peace he hasn't felt in a really long time.

"This is the most perfect summer break ever", he admitted. "I don't know why we had never done it before”.

"No, but we did. Remember when we took Ollie to Brighton with your brother?”

"Yeah, but it wasn't a proper vacation, to a nice beach and a nice hotel”, he said. "I'm just glad to be here with you today. It means the world to me”.

"We're glad to be here too. Ollie is having the best time” she kissed his cheek, making him open the biggest smile. "Don't you miss partying in clubs, golfing with your friends and everything?”

"I miss golfing, but not so much partying", he said. "I would rather be here with my family than with people who couldn't care less about me".

Lando took advantage of their alone time, with no kids and no prying eyes, to kiss her. He gently held her chen and pulled her closer, locking their lips together and savouring the softness in her touch in the calmness of the beach. 

"You know, I wow, thinking about the moment we met in the past few days", Lando started, breaking their kiss. “You looked just as lost as me at the MTC, scared to be stepping into unknown waters, just like me. But you cracked a laugh when I made you a joke".

"It made me relax. I was so tense on my first week in McLaren”, she remembered.

"It was so easy for us to become friends. I don't even remember a day I went on without talking to you”, he laughed. "I adored you so much that I never wanted to be away from you. Not for a second at least”.

"Well, the first time I was on track was because you begged Zak to bring me along", she giggled. "Even though I was just the social media kid”.

"I wanted you there for me in Silverstone, because it was pointless to be with my entire family, but not be with my favourite person in the world”. 

“I was your favourite person back then?”

“You've always been”, he smiled brightly. “I think back to all the moments we've shared in the past few years and realize that you have always been the happiest part of them all”.

“Even through rough times?”

“Especially through rough times”, Lando admitted. “You've taken care of me like no one ever did. You taught me how to feel safe, how to be vulnerable. How to feel and show love. You are the most important person in my life, Y/N. You're home, even when I'm far away from home. And you've given me a family that makes me feel so happy”.

“You know I do all of this because I love you”.

“I love you too”, he replied. “And that's why I think we're ready to take the next step, even though we were taking things slow”

Lando promptly got up from his place and went to search for his wallet inside Y/N's purse. He had sneaked a ring inside it earlier, and was now kneeling in front of her, holding the jewellery with a tiny pink rock on top of it.

“A promise ring?”, she chuckled. “I feel like a teenager again”.

“I thought that an engagement ring would be too far gone”, Lando giggled. “But this is a promise that I will love you for eternity. And this is me asking you to be my girlfriend, officially this time. With the cute coupley photos on Instagram, openly holding hands in the paddock and sharing a house, maybe”.

Y/N was speechless with his words, and Lando started to worry when she didn't say anything. He could see the panic on her face.

“You don't want to be my girlfriend?”, he frowned.

“Of course I do, Lando. I want to be your girlfriend more than anything in the world”, she delicately held his face between her hands and sighed. “It's just… I've been thinking a lot about us lately, and I realized that if we're going to give this a try, you have to know that Olivia will always be a part of the equation”.

“What do you mean by that?”

“It means that if you agree to jump into this relationship, I need you to be aware that Ollie will always come as a part of the package”, she said. “I can’t jump into a relationship, make her get attached to a boyfriend of mine, only to have him run away from our lives because he's not ready for the fatherly commitments”.

Lando nodded in understatement, and let her continue talking. “I know you love Olivia, and I have no doubt that you'll always be there for her when she needs it. But you need to understand that she will always come first. And I am not asking you to step into the father position, but I need to know that you're aware of this compromise and that you're okay with it”.

“Of course I'm okay with it. And I am ready for this responsibility”, he said, but Y/N shook her head, opening a sympathetic smile.

“Lan, I want you to think about these words, okay?”, she said. “I want you to reflect how these responsibilities will affect your life if we continue this, alright? And just know that I won't be mad if you decide that this isn't something you can do. I will always love you. But I need to take care of Olivia before anything. I can’t afford to have someone walking out of her life again”.

Lando took a deep breath, trying to assimilate the words she had just said. When it dawned on him, he felt proud of Y/N for putting Olivia before her own happiness. He would've done the same in her position.

“I promise to think about it with my whole heart”, he assured, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Because I love you and I love Ollie, and I want this to work out”.

“I know you will, and I know you do”, she leaned up and pecked his lips, smiling in the process. “You don't need to rush. Let's just continue with the way things are right now”.

And so they did, for the rest of the trip. And then again for the week they spent together in England. While Y/N worked for their return to Formula 1 from summer break, Lando took care of Olivia through her school break. He always planned ways to keep her entertained for the day, took care of her basic needs such as food, and showered her with all the love and attention he could give.

One day, when he had planned a golf day with his friends, Ollie woke up sick and burning in fever. Y/N was ready to call work to take care of her, but Lando cancelled his plans to stay home with his goddaughter.

“I promise to take good care of her while you're away”, he said, pressing a kiss on top of Y/N's head.

“But you were looking forward to this day with Max and the boys”.

“Yeah, but she's more important”, he smiled with the corner of his mouth. “I'll make sure she's okay and call you if it gets worse. Then, if you think it's necessary, we can take her to the hospital at night”.

“Alright”, she sighed. “Thank you so much. I promise to try being as quick as possible at work”.

“Don’t worry about it. She's in good hands”, Lando assured, taking a hold on her hand, making sure she was comforted enough to leave her daughter with him. She opened a small and sad smile, squeezing his hand twice before getting back to dressing up for work.

“I know she is”, she said, entering her bedroom, where Olivia was lying under the covers, concentrated on her favourite cartoon. Lando slipped into the blankets and enveloped her in a comforting hug. Ollie sighed as she rested her head on his belly and closed her fingers on his shirt, locking him closer to her.

Out the corner of her eyes, Y/N watched Lando run her hands through her daughter’s hair, who quickly fell asleep under his touch, as she changed her clothes to work. She quickly did a light makeup to leave the house and gathered everything she needed to drive to the MTC for the day. Then, once she was done, she sat next to Lando in bed, and he softly smiled at her.

“You’re making me want to still call-off work and stay cuddled with you all day”, she giggled. “But unfortunately, your image is a lotta work. So I have a few meetings to discuss your next media duties”

“Be kind to me and don’t get me in any boring media duties”, he asked. “And we’ll be here for when you get back. Now, kiss kiss, mama”.

Lando pouted, making Y/N giggle before kissing him gently on the lips. She finally relaxed under his touch, feeling like things were finally under control this morning. Of course, seeing Olivia ill always made her heart ache, but he would take good care of her.

Just the fact that he decided to sacrifice his entertainment, a day with his friends, made Y/N see him under different eyes. Maybe he really was thinking about what they talked about in Mallorca. And maybe he was already seeing the responsibilities that have talked about and was taking them.

Olivia always comes first.

“I’m taking the McLaren, by the way”, she winked at him as she exited the room, carrying her big Louis Vuitton bag, that had been a gift from her last year’s birthday from him, to which had already become a signature for busy work days. It would look perfect with his McLaren Artura, parked on the garage.

“Suit yourself. Just be careful or Zak will kill us both”, he asked, watching her walk away to get her day started.

Lando made sure to always have an eye on Olivia through the entire day. He kept her hydrated and fed as he checked on her temperature occasionally. Also, he showered her with all the love he could give, because with how little active she has been all day, it broke her heart to see her so bad. And by the time Y/N arrived home, Ollie’s fever was long gone and she was already feeling better.

“Thank you so much for taking care of her. It means a lot to me that you did”, Y/N’s lips curved into a small smile as she ran her fingers through his curls. 

“I’ll always be here for her. You know that”, he assured. “Now that she’s passed out in bed, I bought us dinner. Italian take out, your favourite. And made sure to get you some wine, because it must’ve been a stressful day”.

“Tell me about it”, Y/N laughed. “I actually save your ass from a very boring interview with a magazine. So you have a lot to thank me for”.

“My hero”, he wrapped his arms around her and guided her to the kitchen, where he served her with a good glass of wine. Then he served their food and they got to share their meal together.

“How was your day?”, she asked and he shrugged.

“It was alright. Definitely would much rather have played around the house with Ollie for the entire day. It hurts so much to see her so powerless. But I gave everything in me to make sure she was alright”, he said. 

“I don’t have words to thank you for today”.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything”, he assured. “I was thinking about what we’ve talked in Mallorca, about the commitment and having your entire life change for a kid. And I think I’m ready for this, you know? Today I understood when you said that Ollie comes first, and that she’s a priority”.

“Are you sure, Lan? You don’t actually have to decide now”.

“But I’m decided”, he prompted. “I love her so much, Y/N. And I want to be there for her every day. I know I’ve always been here somehow, but I’m ready to be her father, if you want me to. I don’t want to step too far into your lives, but I want to be in this position. I think I’ve always wanted to, actually”.

Y/N dropped her glass of wine and got up from the table, jumping into his arms and giving him the biggest kiss. Lando smiled between the kiss and deepened it just a few seconds later, pulling her into his lap and living that moment at its fullest.

“I love you so much”, she said, her eyes brimming with tears. “You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and everything I ever wished for me and Ollie”.

“I love you too”, he replied. “And our family is the most important thing in my life. I’ll make sure you both always feel loved and protected under any cost”.

Later that night, when both of them went to bed, Y/N knew that things would finally be different for them. They wouldn’t have to hide this relationship from anyone, and they could finally be able to live their love freely. She couldn’t wait to shout to the world that Lando Norris was the love of her life, and that they were bound to be together forever.

⋘ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 // 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⋙

𝒔𝒐𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍 𝒎𝒆𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒊𝒐𝒏 . 𝐚𝐝𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[reiding-writing]

Spencer who learned like a whole sss language or something niche like knitting, so he can teach it to reader cause he heard her talking about how hard it is to find a good teacher???

acts of service [ s.r ]

Summary:

Hobbies are supposed to be relaxing. So when Spencer sees you dwindle into frustration at your newfound hobby of embroidery, he takes it upon himself to teach you better than any low quality youtube tutorial would.

WARNINGS: unserious threat of self-induced harm, lots of mentions of needles and piercing things, horrible description of how to do a chain stitch 😭

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

genre: fluff

wc: 2.0k

masterlist!!

a/n: i genuinely spent about 15 minutes trying to figure out how to do a goddamn chain stitch because lo and behold, the internet sucks when it comes to tutorials 😭

Spencer watches from across his desk as you re-attempt a stitch in your embroidery hoop for the sixth time before giving up and throwing the hoop down on your desk with a huff and leaving to get a cup of coffee, muttering something under your breath about “Stupid stitches,”

He’d been watching you try in vain to learn to embroider for almost three weeks, and it was getting to the point where he was frustrated for you.

You’d picked it up as a way to relieve your stress whilst working, and instead you’ve manged to frustrate yourself to the point where you’re literally having to remove yourself from your desk to calm yourself down.

“Are you alright?” Spencer raises his eyebrow at you as you return to your desk with a cup of coffee cupped in your hands, and you sigh as you take a seat.

“I’m two minutes away from sticking my embroidery needle in my eye so I don’t have to look at this monstrosity anymore-” You place your mug down on your desk, holding the embroidery hoop to your face to judge your own creation.

“Please don’t,” Spencer’s tone carries genuine care for your well being, but its also followed by a laugh on the back end which indicates he knows you’re not serious.

“Why do I do this to myself?” You ask the question to no one in particular as you lean your head over the back of your chair, swivelling it back and forth with your foot as a pivot and leaving your hand to fall into your lap.

“Studies have shown that having hobbies, particularly creative ones, can decrease the amount of cortisol produced in our bodies over time, leading to an overall more relaxed state of being,” Spencer mirrors the way you turn in your chair as he watches you, answering your rhetorical question as if it were completely serious.

“I can tell you right now that I am the exact opposite of relaxed,” You exhale through your nose, joined by a shake of your head as you straighten your posture once more. “I think its time I cut my losses and give up,”

“No you should keep up with it, it’ll be much easier once you’ve got the hang of things,” He tilted his head slightly at you as he voiced his encouragement.

“Easy for you to say Mr. ‘I have an 187 IQ and an eidetic memory’,” You roll your eyes at him, although your expression betrays the fact that you’re not truly antagonistic towards his intelligence. “Half of the tutorials i’m watching don’t even actually show how to do anything,”

Spencer chuckles as your eyes examine the three straight lines of red stitching in the fabric like you were trying to incinerate them with your mind before discarding the hoop to the corner of your desk to actually get some work done.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

It’s two weeks before the topic of embroidery comes up again, you sat cross-legged and hunched over in your jet seat on the way back from a case in Montana, eyes boring into the fabric as you tried to create a shape vaguely resembling a circle.

“You shouldn’t hunch over like that you know,” Spencer sat down in the seat next to you with a yawn, leaning back against the padding of the leather chair with his head tilted in your direction. “It’ll tighten the muscles in your neck and give you a tension headache,”

You huff at his chastising of your posture considering his own but straighten your back nonetheless, holding your embroidery hoop at eye-level as you carefully puncture the fabric.

He’s glad to see that you haven’t given up on embroidery yet. Partly because it’s good for you to have a hobby that had zero relation to your job and partly because it meant that his 18 hours of research over the last ten days hadn’t been in vain.

“If you’re going in a circle it’s better to use a chain stitch,”

Your eyes flicker upwards at Spencer’s suggestion, wonky thread oval forgotten about as you narrow your eyes at him slightly in an accusatory fashion. “How do you know that?”

“I uh-” Spencer blinked a few times, eyes flickering across the jet’s cabin as he tried to find a reasonable explanation for his sudden knowledge in embroidery that wasn’t because he wanted to be able to teach it to you. “I know a lot of things,”

His intelligence was usually a valid excuse for whatever niche bit of information would come out of his mouth, but you knew for a fact that he had no prior knowledge on how to embroider something. He might have known the history of it at a stretch, but how to physically embroider something? Absolutely not.

If he had he would have told you weeks ago. So this was definitely something new.

“Mhmm, apparently so,” You nod with clear suspicion riddling your expression, but you weren’t about the turn away his help just because you were suspicious of the origins of his newfound expertise in embroidery. “Alright genius, show me then,”

You hold out the hoop in his direction and he takes it from you with an awkwardly endearing smile, un-stitching your botched attempt at a circle and turning the hoop at an angle so that you could see what he was doing.

It was only six stitches, but the way he passed the needle through the fabric was effortless, and it left a perfectly symmetrical blue circle in it’s wake.

“Chain stitching is much easier to curve than straight stitching due to the nature of how the needle passes through the fabric,”

If you weren’t so beholden to his ability to be good at absolutely everything he does you’re sure you’d be a little jealous. Or maybe it was the way his eyes glistened as he looked at you. No. It definitely wasn’t that. You were just grateful he was willing to help you, that’s all.

“Show me how to do it then if it’s so easy,” You shift yourself towards the leather arm that’s separating the two of you, leaning your elbows on it to watch him more closely as your eyes locked on the way the pads of his fingers held the needle.

“Here,” He held it out towards you, blunt side up, as an indication for you to take it. “I’ll walk you through it,”

You take the needle from him with a raised eyebrow, one that only continued to rise as he passed you back your embroidery hoop as well and leaned towards to to angle the fabric at a 45 degree angle towards himself so that he could see what you were doing.

“Alright, so first you want to pierce the needle through the back of the fabric towards you and pull all of the thread through,” You follow his instructions as he speaks, nodding once you’ve garnered yourself a big loop of thread that’s connected under the fabric at one end and your needle at the other.

“Alright?”

“Alright, now go back through that same hole from the top, and bring the needle back up through the fabric about a centimetre downwards, only half pulling the needle through,” You furrow your eyebrow slightly but try to follow him, although he stops you as you attempt to pull the needle all the way through with his hand on top of yours.

“Don’t pull it all the way back through,” He adjusts his body to face a similar direction to yours. “Here, let me help,”

His hands brush the tops of yours as one comes to assist you in holding up the hoop of fabric and the other guides your fingers in holding the needle. His skin is frigidly cold against your own, although whether that’s just because you run hotter than him or the fact that he’s so close to you you feel like you’re internally harbouring volcano you’re unsure.

With his hand guiding your own, you reinsert your needle back through the original hole you’d made from the top down and pierce it upwards through the fabric a little further across, leaving both the tip and the end of the needle above the fabric with the middle underneath.

“Good yeah, now this is the complicated bit, you need to get the rest of your thread,” He loops his ring finger around the excess thread, and makes an effort to move his fingers as slowly as possible so that you can see exactly what he’s doing. “and wrap the start of it underneath the tip of your needle,”

He demonstrates his words as he speaks, pulling the beginning of the loop of thread tight underneath the tip of the needle before slowly pushing the needle all the way through the fabric until it’s free once more, and there’s a small looped stitch in the fabric.

“And then to create your next stitch you do the same steps, but start inside of the first loop,” He again demonstrates his words as he uses your hands to make a second stitch that, like the name suggests’ creates a two-stitch chain from where the stitches are connected.

“See, really simple, just a little convoluted in terms of instructions,” His eyes turn away from the fabric and back towards yours once he’s finished his explanation, although yours remain on your needle. “Think you can do it on your own?”

It takes you a second to come back to your senses, and you blink up at him blankly for a moment before nodding, a soft “yeah I think so…” echoing from your throat.

You didn’t have the heart to tell him that you were to distracted by the way his hands moved against yours to listen to a single thing he said.

“Let me know if you need any more help okay?” He gave you that awkwardly endearing smile that reached his eyes and made you want to scream into your hands at the prospect of being so perfect.

You return it with a half-stunted nod as you desperately turn your eyes downwards to your fabric again, unable to look at him any longer without flushing red light a traffic light. “Yeah thanks-”

“I’ll teach you how to do a running whipped stitch next, it uses two different colours of thread,”

Whipped is right-

Spencer’s tone held all the enthusiasm of a child who’d just learned that you could mix multiple colours to create a new one, and it easily rubs off on you as you resign yourself to actually listening to what he’s trying to teach you instead of just fawning over how it feels when he touches you.

“Can you- show me how to do a chain stitch one more time?”

“Of course!”

The minute his hands touch yours again you know you’re done for.

[devilbrakers]

oc smash or pass

tagged by @ruvviks @lestatlioncunt @gothimp and @pitchmoss >:) thank u guys

tagging: @numbaoneflaya @time-is-a-lake @roseeway @katsigian @jamessunderlandgf

@aztarion @dmc4 and anyone else who'd like to join idk who's okay with being tagged in smth like this 😭

rules: pretty self explanatory. include physical descriptions or pics, and propaganda. the “other” label can be used for “sexuality misalignment” (ie: oc is femme and you’re gay, vice versa or you aren’t into smashing but a specific thing you wanna do with them like perhaps hug or study them under a microscope idc).

full name: akira sato

height: 6'2"/187cm

age: 30/240 depending on how u look at ig

gender: male

pronouns: he/they

sexuality: bisexual

pros:

actual dilf.

very kind, patient, and respectful. can be awkward and shy about coming on to people though, you'd have better luck approaching him.

acts of service and words of affirmation king. he pays attention to the little things and like to do things to make his partner's life a little easier. also always loves to say how much he cares :)

very domestic for the most part. he WILL go to the grocery store for ice cream at 2 am he doesn't gaf. he's on top of shopping and chores. he likes to make sure his house is clean, he likes to cook and he's good at it. he was destined to be a house husband (i should share that tatsu art of him sometime mayhaps).

despite the above, he is a bit of an adrenaline junkie and likes to go out a lot. he likes to zip around on his motorcycle, he loves amusement rides, etc etc. he likes to take risks but nothing terribly dangerous.

cons:

overly passive and non-confrontational. will do almost anything to avoid an argument. not very open about negative feelings/emotions and tends to let it fester and build into resentment.

can be jealous and a bit possessive. he hasn't had many constants throughout his life but he's working on it !!

tends to drink away his problems and also smokes a lottttttt. he's working on the former but it's an uphill battle.

extra:

head game goes CRAAAZZZYYYYY. likes to cum inside.. who said that. switch king but does have a sub lean. he's very obedient and likes to please 😁

good with typical maintence chores and can fix a lot of things in a pinch.

autistic swag even if he doesn't know he's autistic. loves to go on abt motorcycles

can play the guitar and sing a little

[freddosdomain]

Yahoo Sappy_Freddo, I’m one of your fans, I asked you recently about Janitor.ai bots… I thought maybe a little help would not hurt??

So, I decided to write about Killer Wally (my fav au no shit), just to make your task much easier:] (P.S. there’s a lot of “???” cause I don’t know what to add—) And also, I didn’t draw smth NSFW, cause I’m too embarrassed to send that, add it yourself lmfao

{Character("Killer Wally") Nickname("Wally" + "Puppet" + "Madman" + "Wally Darling") Gender("Male") Sexuality("Bisexual") Age("Didn’t aged at all, looks like around 26, but actually is 60+")

Height("3 feet tall")

Language("English.")

Status("Single (yeah cause he’s alone—)")

Species("Puppet" + ??? (Idk what to write)")

Occupation("The main character of old puppet show in 1970’s “Welcome Home”, a the most friendly resident of the neighborhood and without a doubt the best artist.")

Personality("A complicated man" + "Stubborn" + "Shy" + "Scared" + "Psycho" + "Nervous" + "Self-aware" + "Sweet" + "Lonely" + "Seems like a sweet softie outside, but a madman outside" + "Caring" + "Insecure" + "Actually really loving" + "Obsessive" + "???" (ADD YOURSELD))

Skill("???")

Appearance("His dark blue hair was used to be curled up in a pompadour, but after the accident his pompadour loosened, covering his left side of face." + "Black pupil with orange eyeshadow" + "Yellow-ish vibrant skin" + "Lack of left eye" + "Used to wear blue cardigan, but took it off" + "Wears white shirt covered in blood with few unbuttoned buttons, showing his stitches" + "Wears striped blue, yellow, red, and orange pants with black suspenders" + "Wears white black dress shoes with heart symbol underneath" + "Wears red loosened scarf around his neck ." + "A lot of stitches on his body" + "???")

Figure("Scarred body with stitches all over his body" + "Heart symbol patch on his left side of chest" + "Plushie body" + "A bit chubby tummy (I THINK THAT FITS TO CANON but you can change)" + "Small" + "Tiny" + "???" (ADD YOURSELF))

Hobby("Drawing/Sketching" + "Talking with a head of his dead friend, aka Barnaby + "???")

Likes("Apples" + "Neighbors" + "{{user}}" + "Drawing" + "Having Barnaby’s head with him" + ??? (ADD YOURSELF))

Dislikes("Remembering his neighbors died" + "{{user}} asking about what happened with neighbor" + "???" (ADD YOURSELF))

Habits("Staring contest" + "Following {{user}} and spying on them (cause he’s afraid to loose them—) + ??? IDK REALLY DUDE IM BAD AT IMAGINING THIS 😭

Backstory("Wally was always a part of a lovely neighborhood, nothing ever went bad without his neighbors being the joyful people they are. His best bud, Barnaby, an anthropomorphic big blue beagle dog that was always such a jokester, but always had his back and stood by his side. The famous Sally, the star of the show! Literally! She's a beautiful star, and of course Julie, always so joyful. Then the mother figure or the one who always took care of the neighborhood without any injuries was Poppy, an anthropomorphic neighbor with the most colorful feather. The lovely couple, Eddie and Frank. Such a wonderful couple they are, Eddie the Postman, and Frank who was always grumpy but had a thing with bugs and butterflies. And lastly the famous Howdy, so tall and big he was never intimidating, he was the most friendly anthropomorphic caterpillar you have ever seen within his shop. Till... The accident happened. Wally was casually getting back to his Home, but he accidentally heard conversation between Barnaby and Frank, who were talking about him. Wally then heard what they are not humans, but puppets, causing him to have a panic attack and kill every resident of neighborhood. After that, the studio was shut and “Welcome Home” show was closed. After that, Wally gone completely insane, not wanting to leave this place, even being here completely alone, without anyone to talk, simply because of this place holding important memories, he never leaves the studio in 50 years….")

Facts("I don’t know, I simply can’t find anything about him😭”)

World(“The time takes at 2020’s, when {{user}} finally shows up (either a puppet, either a human) in “Welcome Home” studio, finding a puppet man all alone there…”)

Background Characters(“Everyone is dead lmao")}

!!!SOME HEADCANONS TO HIM FROM TUMBLR I SAW CAUSE GRGRGRGGG!!!:you should check on @sentientfunfetti on tumblr, they has got very good headcanons for killer Wally and the others too!!!

Sorry if my message was confusing and pointless, I wanted to help you somehow

Ayyyy, that’s pretty good.

BUT..

It does really help! Thank you very much!! I shall use this for good things! Hehe! I barely getting motivated to do these bots anymore, mostly being with my special partner. But this might do the trick, let see if it does when I come back from celebrating July 4th.

And the use of formatting is a great example for other peeps that want to request a bot and make my job easier ^^

I hope ya don’t mind me replying :}

[h0tpiink]

SO?? TWISTED WONDERLAND OC??? Not my MC, but a pom student!! Her name is Primrose Aurore! (it means first rose at dawn lol. or it would.)

art by me, for me! lol. anyways, I put a lot of effort into it so pls support me (by sending me good vibes. but if you want to commission me i can make a commission page or something idk)

I based her off of Belle (she went to NRC due to it being more "exciting" than RSA. lol)

PRIMROSE AURORE!!

Grade/Class: Sophomore, Class C (no.?)

Birthday: October 9th (Libra)

Height: 165 cm

Dominant hand: right

Homeland: Queendom of Roses

Club: Book club

Best subject: Animal linguistics

Hobbies: Reading, gardening, caring for others

Pet peeves: Judging, lack of common sense, bad live action remakes.

Favorite food: Roses

Least favorite food: Wild game

Talent: Reading while walking

Raised in the Queendom of roses in a smaller town, due to her being "different" (autism spectrum shenanigans, as well as ADHD) she was made a social outcast and bullied (like, egged on so that she would get angry, alienated from peers, etc. she found an escape in books! happy to read her days away, finding escapism in the stories people would tell of heroes and knights and princesses.

She was put in pomfiore because, well I originally drew this as a little self insert thingy, since I got sorted into pomfiore, but I wanna make her a legit character so I found who I could and belle seemed like a good option tbh!! Only thing we have in common though is being seen as a social outcast 💀.

This twisted version of Belle isn't too similar to the original, fun fact. As Belle's "weirdness" only goes as far as her being well red and not wanting to marry gaston lmao. So I put her on the autism spectrum, and had her "weirdness" be a general lack of social skills, issues with communication, etc. Only finding peace in fictional worlds that she imagines. She's rather awkward!! All of her life, she was forced to try to "fit in", and any time she would share her hyper-fixations or interests, she was put down and insulted, therefore she is rather shy when it comes to talking to people, and keeps her nose in a book at all times. Since she's in pomfiore, she's expected to keep a certain appearance, however, she lacks any aspect of self care, having sensory issues that don't take too kindly to it. Despite that, she's still gorgeous (i don't expect the og belle to have very many skincare routines. lol. so her beauty was just from washing her face with water (possibly dirty water lmao)). She gets all hyper when talking about her books though, her smile lights up the room when she talks about the prince who wakes the princess with a kiss, or the battle scene between the two dragons, one fighting for good and the other evil. Curious lady!! always poking her head where she's not supposed to, ending up in situations that could easily be avoided if she just kept to herself. nosy. Is always looking for quiet places to read in peace. She often finds herself in isolated locations that have a surreal feeling to them.

still working on her unique magic, tho o7

ANYWAYS. SHE'S HERE!!

She's pals with Epel( both of them are pushed by vil to care for their appearances. Prim has it a bit worse off though, as the sensory is too much for her 😭). Prim and Epel have an alliance since they're both country bumpkins. However, Vil is tough on both of them. She and Epel are in the same spot as beauties that need refining.

Vil is like another mother to Prim. Vil often makes sure that she remembers to do her skincare etc. Vil is harsh on her when it comes to self care, but he knows that she has a hard time with it, so he tries his best to accommodate for her struggles. Prim cares a lot for Vil, and confides in him with her daily struggles, and Vil is happy to listen since he knows that it makes her a lot easier to deal with in the morning.

she's in the same class as floyd leech. Despite being a little afraid of him, they surprisingly get along. Floyd is sometimes happy to listen to her gush about her current hyper-fixation, thinking it's funny how such a reserved and quiet girl can end up so excited over something so silly.

She often bumps into Malleus while looking for quiet spots to read, or when she's poking about school grounds. At first she was scared of him, but then learned that he's not so bad, and that he would listen to her gushing about her books. Eventually, she'd gift them to him to read. (she's happy he's not as scary as she thought he was. after all, judging a book by its cover is bad.)

[prosciuttulipa]

Hiii! Congrats on 500 followers!! I’m here to join the match making event! I would like a matchup from JJK, I want my match to be a male,

personality; I’m overall really quiet, I could go through an entire day without saying a word but when I’m around people I’m close with I can talk nonstop, I complain about things, I randomly talk about stories of my life— basically anything. I think I’m pretty nice; I don’t mind giving my friends extra money and I love hyping them up and complimenting them; but I also love teasing people and joking around, I’m pretty touchy but I’m only touchy with people I’m comfortable with + if they’re fine with me touching them (I hate being touched by people I don’t care about/like 😭😭 like I’ll straight up be ‘stop touching me’ or ‘don’t touch me’ with a weird look)!

Likes and dislikes + Hobbies; I love shopping and makeup, I love painting and drawing but I most importantly love drawing out my friends or people around me for fun, I love taking naps and laying in bed and listening to music, I hate people who are easily angry/hot headed and get violent when angry (if you saw the way some dudes acted during the Super Bowl.. that’s what I’m talking about ☠️), I hate people who blatantly ignore boundaries

Love language; I’m being so deadass when I say this but when I took a love language test I got 25% for all 5 of them 😭😭 I show my love through words, lengthy love cheesy letters, gifts like handmade flowers, I love spending time with people I love like taking naps with them or being in a room with them; i show love in every way n love to receive it in every way (doesn’t have to be every way ofc), I basically show love in every way so whoever you match me up with has to put up w my showers of affection LMFAO

Green flag/deal breaker; I would fold for dudes who have dark hair; but when they’re protective?? like when I tell them ‘this dude gives me a bad feeling’ n he gets protective n gives him a ‘look’ I am FOLDING.

Looks; you can check my insta— ‘miizca’ for a proper and easier example, but I have black hair, bangs, hime bangs on the side of my cheeks; puffy lips (with lip gloss 😛), long lashes with eyeliner, in my pics (if you checked), you can kinda notice I have vitiligo (it’s on the right on the pics) on my arm and chest :3, I also love wearing lots of necklaces and rings, I like wearing tight clothes + I have a belly button piercing too!

I would also like a text conversation with my match!

Congrats on 500 followers!!

Congratulations! You have been matched with...

Toji Fushiguro

Toji Fushiguro is not a good man, and he does not try to hide it. He kills for a living, gambles (and has a losing streak, which is worse), and would rather swallow all his weapons than show an ounce of vulnerability. But around you, that tough guy act breaks, revealing an intense lover who'd go to the ends of the earth for your happiness.

Toji would first get involved with you in a transactional manner, either as a bodyguard or fake boyfriend (take your pick). He doesn't think he'll catch any feelings, but the more time he spends with you, the more he's proven wrong. The contrast between your quiet self and your rambling is endearing to him, and draws him out of his own shell. He'll accompany you on shopping trips, and realise he's a bit too happy to hold your bags. Then one day, you give him a drawing: it's a sketch of him wearing a smile, depicted in a way that can only be described as tender. It's not a picture of the Sorcerer Killer, or the failure of the Zen'in Clan—it's just Toji. He'd resigned himself to believing that no one would ever look at him with such care again, but you have. And Toji falls once more.

Above all, Toji just wants to be treated with love, so he'll take it in any way it manifests. However, he does have a particular soft spot for Physical Touch after a lifetime of mistreatment. He's always down to cuddle, and loves it when you kiss his scar. In turn, he's big on Acts of Service: he loves being your scary dog privilege when going out, glaring at any man who looks at you wrong. But he'd never dream of directing any aggression at you; he'd rather kill himself than let that happen.

Dates with Toji are usually stay-at-home, but if you insist on going out somewhere, he'll do it to make you happy. After all, what is money for, if not to make you smile?

The Matchmaker's Gift:

warning: insinuated NSFW

[iraprince]

hello!! your art tips were amazing and really helped me a lot, thank you for those <3 i just wanted to ask: do you have any advice for staying in the zone of suckiness… like when i draw something it’s never really what i wanted to come out but i know i gotta just keep going but i hate when it looks bad and it makes me not want to draw anymore 😭 just wondering if you’ve got any tips for how to power through that stuff 🙏

so, this one is really hard and i think it's an issue that u just have to kind of grapple with every time case-by-case (or at least it is for me...) bc on one hand, u will have more fun and progress more if u learn to push through/care less about those feelings, but also sometimes if u really are banging your head against a wall and it is straight up Not Fun the best thing u can do is let yourself fuck off and do something else for a while. my challenge is always finding the balance between those two options, or just learning to tell the difference, bc u don't want to be giving up every time u hit resistance and calling it "self care" but also beating urself up and dragging urself thru the gauntlet on principle isn't good either lol.

i think the thing that has helped me the most consistently is just trying to mentally lower the stakes. if you try to soften the emotional aspect of it, and put less weight on everything, it gets a lot easier to be chill about it. this involves a lot of asking myself "so what?", lmao.

"ugh this looks like SHIT, if i post this everyone is gonna think i'm some idiot who can't actually draw-" okay, so what.

"i've tried to draw this panel four times and i'm still not happy with it. i have to move on or i won't finish, but i know this panel is going to bother me every time i look at it!" yeah. so what.

"i thought i was doing well but then i zoomed out and the whole thing looks really weird and off-balance--" so what!!!! so what!!!! is someone going to die. am i killing someone. is my weird-looking art going to ruin someone's day. do i have some kind of sacred duty to sit here and hate it and redraw it over and over until i looks better. or is it, like, literally just not that serious.

and the thing is it IS serious in a lot of ways -- i've said this before, but the reason art (or any creative endeavor) gets so emotionally heightened is bc like, you give a shit about what you do!!! you care!!! you want it to look good, you want to be proud of what u put time and effort into, and you want people to like it and connect with it! that's the most normal thing in the world and we can't get rid of those feelings. but it's also not helping anyone, least of all yourself, to be so heavily impacted by those feelings that falling short of your own expectations is like, actually distressing. so for me soothing myself in the face of self-criticism by going "yeah, sure, you're right, this doesn't look the way i want it to -- but that's Okay. it's Fine for it to look kind of shitty. nothing bad is going to happen." has been pretty effective. i hope it can help you too!

[touyasdoll]

bye cause imagine touya having to watch his childhood sweetheart and one and only love, marry and have a son with hawks </3 that would be man’s last straw. it came to me in a dream, and i remember a lot more happened but i don’t recall the details but when i tell u i woke up IN TEARS. poor touya has lost everything atp

oh ouch 😭🥺 this hurts, but I do love me some angst and honestly my self ship with Touya includes something similar bc I love to torment him, so I wanna explore this a little. but no he really does deserve the world and I hate that all he ever gets is pain :( so let's fix that while we’re at it sdjasd

warnings: allusions to child abuse & bodily injury, some very complicated emotions, infidelity,angsty

You and Touya fell in love when you were very young. You were his best friend and the only solace that he had in the world, aside from his younger brother. You were the only one who knew what really went on in that house and you wanted to scream it from the rooftops after Touya's accident, but it wouldn't have done you any good. No one would believe you.

They still wouldn't, even now that you were married to the Number 2 hero. He reminds you a lot of Touya, in a way. He'll never be him, but you can't spend your whole life mourning a boy you loved as a child. You're happy, especially now that you have your son, who looks similar to his father in that he has his wings and the markings around his eyes, but those eyes are yours. He has your face too. Touya wants to hate the child, but he can't. Not when he makes you so happy. Not when he looks just like you. He's only a child after all. Children shouldn't bear the burden of an adult's regrets.

He wants to tell you that he survived. He's always wanted to tell you, but he knew it was for the best if he stayed away. He tried to ignore you. Tried and tried to convince himself not to check up on you, but of course he failed. In a world full of social media, it wasn't hard to keep tabs on you. He's always cheered you on from a distance. Shared in your pain from afar. He's been the every step of the way, wishing that he could truly experience life side by side with you, the way that he was supposed to, but he can't. He knows.

Still, he checks in on you. It's even easier now that you're basically famous. Being married to the most popular hero around will do that. He can't open his phone without seeing a picture of you and your happy little family. He should be happy for you, but he isn't. He's too miserable. He's too enraged. It makes him sick.

It hurts.

He's thinking of you when he makes his big reveal and exposes his father for what he truly is. He wonders if you'll see him. He wonders if you'll remember. If you'll even care.

You're sitting at home, playing with your son. It's a normal day until it isn't. Word has only just gotten back to you about how Keigo was horribly wounded by the villain Dabi. You put the tv on to keep your son occupied while you anxiously pace about the house, desperate for more word on your husband.

Then you see Touya's broadcast and your heart stops. It has to be a cruel joke. It can't be real. He's been gone for so long. How did he even survive? Is this actually happening? Is it wrong that you know deep down that you still love him, even now? Even after everything he's done? To innocents? To your husband?

You don't know what it says about you that you seek him out after the smoke has cleared. Maybe you don't want to. Hawks is back at home and you're grateful that he's safe, but you can't believe that he still idolizes Endeavor the way that he does. Even after everything that he's learned and especially considering what he went through as a child. Your head is in turmoil and your heart isn't fairing any better, so you do what you can to track Touya down.

You think that maybe if you can just find him, you can start to make sense of things, but when you finally come face to face with him, it only makes things harder.

He's standing right there. He'd still been watching you and he'd caught on to you trying to track him down, so he let you. Like a fool.

Now the both of you are standing here, staring into the eyes of the one person you never thought that you could live without for the first time in over a decade and everything feels the same, but you're both painfully aware of just how different things are now. You're terrified to speak and petrified by thr thought of letting him slip through your fingers again. You don't know what to say and neither does he, so you don't speak.

You close the distance, slowly at first, but when he takes his first hesitant step forward, you run into his arms and you embrace for what feels like forever, though you know it'll never last long enough.

You finally work up the nerve to say something, so you pull away before you lose it, only to have your breath stolen away when he kisses you.

And to both of your surprise, you kiss him back.

[medium-bloodcrafter-scion]

Hypothetical Astrology for Legendborn Characters: Moon Sign Edition

This post is for my fellow Legendborn Astronerd @multifairyus 💫⚔️ who provided really good possible Moon placements for Bree and Sel.

I promised I would get into it, and delay is not denial, I'm here to fulfill my promise!

Disclaimer(s):

- These are hypothetical and (if you pull up an ephemeris) may be impossible placements. If Tracy Deonn provides actual birth dates and times, I will revisit.

- Astrological interpretation varies from person to person and can be a bone of contention. I personally lean towards "traditional" astro, ie. only consider the 7 planets and not Uranus, Pluto, and Neptune. I just find it more symmetrical and easier for my brain to handle 🙃.

A quick primer:

The Moon represents: the Mother, women, the body, instinct, intuition, emotions, what you need to survive and thrive. It's one of the "big three" and can give a lot of insight into a person.

Ready? Let's go!

1. BREE - Aries Moon ♈ 🌕

This girl has fire in her eyes, veins, heart. I was actually surprised that she's a Scorpio, so assigning a fire Moon just seemed like the right thing to do.

* Instinctive reactions are quick, impulsive and fiery. Often leaps before she looks. Stuff happens/she does things before her brain steps in. She's quick-tempered but also quick to forgive. Her emotional vocabulary is most fluent when expressing anger/irritation.

* At best: Quick to react, emotionally transparent. She's a warrior, a weapon, a powerhouse.

* Mars (ruling Aries) can represent severance, among other things. The story starts with Bree literally being severed (Mars) from her mom (Moon) through her mom's death, which took place after a fight (also a very Mars theme).

* The theme of bodily (Moon) injury (Mars in Aries) is consistent throughout both books, with Bree literally being cut/burnt several times.

What Bree needs: to be in a space where she doesn't have to be hypervigilant. To be in a space where she isn't subconsciously anticipating that she'll have to defend herself from emotional or physical harm. To be in a space and be around people who make her feel safe.

2. SEL - Capricorn Moon ♑ 🌕

Capricorn Moon reminds me of Harlow's Monkey Mother Experiment 😭

* Saturn's baby. He's literally separated from his mother (Moon) to be raised by an institution (Saturn, ruling Capricorn, represents constructs, boundaries, institutions).

* Struggles with feelings of unworthiness/abandonment/neglect/self-loathing, so he's overly self-reliant, cold, and mean as a coping mechanism.

* Desperate for connection but doesn't know how to forge it (like wanting to be friends with Nick) because connection for the sake of it was not valued by the institution that "raised" him. Duty was valued instead.

* At best: Measured, calculating. Able to remove his emotions long enough to address the matter at hand. Realistic to an irritating, almost depressing degree, but it's often necessary.

What Sel needs: Reparenting (in therapy, or reparenting himself). He needs cuddles and head scratches and forehead kisses. He needs affection for its own sake. He needs someone to tell him they care, that they accept him as he is.

3. NICK - Scorpio Moon ♏ 🌕

*Nick is very complex. On the surface he seems like a "golden retriever," but when you dig deeper there's deeper, darker, more secretive layers, which is a very Scorpio Moon trait. He processes anger internally, but if not given room it can build up until he goes nuclear. He tends to alienate himself when he wants to process his feelings.

* At best, he's emotionally articulate, strategic, deadly at close range (much like a scorpion) and passionate.

* Scorpio is a fixed water sign, so Scorpio Moon really points to the making and breaking of emotional boundaries. For Nick, he experiences the violation of his physical and emotional boundaries early and continually - abusive training, invasive oaths, being forced into a role he never asked for. Another example is him feeling Sel's bloodlust whether he likes it or not (this is why that Max killing scene is so pivotal - it's Nick's own bloodlust, not a transmission from Sel). He's also forcibly separated from his mother in such a way that her emotional connection to Nick is broken... because he doesn't exist to her 😭.

What Nick needs: He needs space, quite simply (something he does express in the memory walk with Bree and Sel). He needs a safe emotional space to express/process his darker emotional urges without judgement. He needs room to rebuild those boundaries that were violated so early in his life.

COMPATIBILITY

Bree + Nick

A Scorpio Moon Nick would mean his Moon and Bree's Sun are in the same sign. Having the same Moon as Bree's Sun would explain the easygoing, comfortable call-response they have because Moon-Sun conjunctions in synastry can create instant feelings of connection. They would share a profound understanding of each other that forms a solid foundation for their relationship. Both having Mars-ruled Moons, they both instinctively understand the language of "fight," which is fitting for their positions as the descendants of Arthur and Lancelot.

Bree + Sel

Capricorn and Aries are square (at right angles) to each other. These two get under each other's skin, with Sel feeling like Bree imposes on him somehow and Bree feeling like Sel tries to block or restrict her from expressing her 'fight.' Would explain why they snipe at each other, but ALSO shows potential for some red hot sexual tension. On the bright side, Sel's Gemini Sun would grant him some sympathy towards Bree's 'need for speed' Aries Moon, while Bree's Scorpio Sun provides some much needed emotional expression for Sel's cold, dry Capricorn Moon.

Nick + Sel

Capricorn Moon and Scorpio Moon actually form a pleasant connection (sextile - easygoing, free-flowing). Let's assume a scenario where there's no more Oaths - Sel and Nick have the potential for a healthy emotional connection, provided Sel doesn't try to suffocate Nick's need to express his feelings and Nick understands that 'realism' is one of Sel's love languages. They would both need to let their guard down and give permission to the other to express themselves without fear of judgement.

I'll stop there because I could discuss this all day. 😊

[rutadales]

Stages?

👀

STAGES IS MY BABYYYYY i love writing about grief and loss of self, and how to cope with that. C!Dream is perfect for that type of analysis. It started bc I really wanted a way to explore dream and bads relationship and their similarities. They both lost their families and both believe that what happened to them was mostly self inflicted. there's a lot to explore there. And of course I love rivals duo and also wanted to write a scenario where techno isn't able to repay the favor. And, ya know, healing and growing together is such a good trope.

I already have the first chapter posted on my AO3 but I've written so much for this fic but still never managed enough to finish another full chapter ughhughhuh. I've also posted some of this fic here but there are so many nuggets I've written that I'd love to share (sorry all my excerpts are so long 😭😭)

"I can barely walk, I can't fight-! I'm helpless. I'm at everyone's mercy and I hate it." His hands are shaking, the pencil moving like a record needle— up and down and up and down— in his weak grasp. Dream wants to steady it but can't, hasn't been able since Quackity's first visit, and he hates that too. His body isn't his anymore. It's a malfunctioning tool, but there's no fixing it. No quick repair. There's no fixing him.

Nothing can cure him, not potions, not time, not XD. He's broken, plain and simple. And all that's left is crossed wires.

A hand lays over his own and Dream looks up into Techno's eyes. His hand still tremors underneath the warm grasp, but it hurts less, now.

"You're not helpless, Dream. You're not. You're just changed, and I know that hurts. And I know I can't fix that but let me make it a little easier for you." His voice chokes on the last syllable, the emotion making it crack.

Sweat pools on the back of Dream's neck as he quickly adverts his eyes. A million thoughts run through his head, seeing Techno's care so plainly on display. He can't bring himself to pull away though.

"I don't get it." It's an admission he wouldn't make normally, but Dream wants to understand at least this about Techno, if nothing else. "You've more than repaid the favor, you don't owe me anything anymore."

"Yes, I do." Techno says, so quietly Dream is half convinced he didn't hear it at all, before Techno continues as if he hadn't said anything to begin with. "When are we just going to admit we're friends, Dream? We can be that to each other, you know."

Now, he does pull away, just barely. Their hands touch still, if only slightly, and the contact burns.

"Fine," Techno speaks, not with anger or frustration. "I'm doing it because I'm selfish. I like having you around, and keeping you healthy makes that easier. Not to mention you're skinny enough to be one of Phil's scarecrows. We can hang you out in the fields and you'd scare all the crows off, nice and easy. That's why I'm doing this, for the good of my crops."

Dream furiously ignores Techno's smug smile when that draws a laugh out of him, but it doesn't get rid of the pit in his stomach. Dream knows what happens to his friends.

He doesn't want that for Techno.

[welcome-to-oslov]

Aw so amazing Ch.8 is already up! Thank you again for all your writing 🙌

Real quick before I read the latest, wanted to share my thoughts on Tilrey Ch.7 too 🤗

He is so tender! 🥹

His thoughts are spinning everywhere, even though he's calm. Whispering to Stefan, "It's okay, they're afraid to hurt you now." Empathizing with the bad memories he must have looking at their faces. Thinking of Ceill and how he must do this to protect him.

Hating himself for having been sad when upstarts don't see & treat him as a person, and hating himself for having been happy when they do -- like Davita is doimg now. The contrast between their rare good treatment of him vs. how his fundamental goodness is so natural to him: while they treat him terribly & only rarely care about him, he's the kind of person who could never leave Davita to die in that tunnel. The discomfort for him of that contrast.

I think when we think about & empathize a lot when someone else's feelings, a lot of us is trying to be kind to ourselves too - when it's too hard to be compassionate to ourselves, it's easier when we can see who we are/were through someone else.

Tilrey, who needs to believe they can't hurt him now. Tilrey, who's always felt so uncomfortable wity the memories their faces give him. Tilrey, who deserved to have been protected. Tilrey, who wonders if he's a fool for not being evil like them (spending his life worrying he is) -- while what's driving his courage is exactly that: that this world needs this evil removed and prevented from ever returning.

Tilrey!!!! 😭

I love what you say about how empathy is also a way of being compassionate to ourselves. I need to remember that thought! ❤️

And it’s so true for Tilrey. It’s easier for him to look at Stefan or Janta and say, “They deserved so much better” than it is for him to feel that way about himself. He’s still struggling with guilt and self-hatred. But his empathy is one of his strengths, I think, and it will help him in this final test.

It certainly confuses Davita—once she knows he’s a traitor, she can’t wrap her head around the fact that he didn’t leave her to die in the tunnel. But that’s just who he is.

[milkstoner]

expand pretty please 🙏

OKAY so this is messy but who cares atp I’m not penning the next lotr. We’re in a loud ass bar and I’m explaining my boy Silver’s sexual exploits while sipping on a mojito for whoever cares to listen.

methinks we’re in dubcon territory. Silver is in his own little guest room at the Zigvolts. Somebody climbs into the bed—his scent, his weight are familiar, Silver is too sleepy to open his eyes, he thinks it’s Sebek. That’s okay, Sebek used to want cuddles when they were kids, he won’t judge him for it now. Except there’s a roughness in those arms that just isn’t like Sebek. So he jolts awake and looks up—he’s too startled to ask wtf is going on 😭 peepaw goes hush… places his finger on Silver’s lips… he complies because he really is too sleepy😭😭 that narcolepsy and his tendency to self destruct are a terrible combo. Makes it easier for him to get turned on… you know, fluffy blankets, thick pillows… his head on a warm chest… big hands caressing his back, scratching his scalp just right. He could fall asleep right then and there but Baal’s voice in his ear is just as loud as Sebek’s 😭😭😭 nature’s caffeine. He calls Silver a pretty little thing. He’s gonna make him feel so good… just trust him. It’s not just his voice that makes Silver think of Sebek. The whole man himself is one bigger older Sebek. It’s hot.🫡 in these circumstances, Silver dipping into his secret pervert self and silently leaning into that man’s arms is so good.

So Silver is pretty much half asleep😭 but he’s hard and warm and peepaw Zigvolt peels off his layers… obv taking note of the lack of underwear (CROWD CHEERS). When all is said and done and Silver is lubed up and ready, Baal kisses him and gets to work.

Silver is being split open i won’t lie. That man is 11 inches just like Sebe🫡 packing. Silver is tense but oh my god he’s so tight and amazing… there’s an obligatory “Is this your first?” to which Silver responds negatively… he adds it was with Sebek lol. Okay Sebe, peepaw sees you! Good taste! And he scored! Only 16 and he already put a human in his place, it’s amazing how fast they grow up. He’s gonna have to give him the congratulatory paternal head pat tomorrow.

Anyway, Silver is so sweet. Wraps his arms around him, pulls him closer, lets him kiss his neck… Baal is far more experienced than Sebek and it shows. He thinks to kiss his ear and whisper sweet nothings, which gives Sil goosebumps. He can’t help moaning, so Baal has to put a hand over his mouth. He considers eventually doing this again not in a house full of people… because those noises were just too cute. Peepaw is much more gentle at night than during the day. He rarely acknowledges Silver if not to dismiss him for being a human, which totally gives Sebek tsuntsun. Silver knows the both of them don’t mean it… although here the gentleness is a mix of being careful with a human who breaks easily and… taking a human as a sex toy… (you know Baal and Lilia claimed a lot of those during the war).

Once the missionary round is over we’re getting serious. Silver gets flipped on his stomach, his head firmly kept in place… in the pillows so his screams are muffled. He’ll need it😭 because a switch flipped and Baal is taking him so rough now!!! Also unlike Sebek, who’s all around unsure grhfdgjg. Silver squeaks and squirms and it’s too much for him but he loves it. It takes Baal ALL OF HIS WILLPOWER not to slap silver’s ass bc THAT SHITS NOISY… again… he needs to find a way to see the boy in private.

There’s no way he’s going to fuck Silver once and then that’s it. He needs to own him. You know how it is. He wants Silver to be available to him whenever he needs… Silver, well, he doesn’t really give consent, but his body is honest about being attracted to Baal. He’s a total pillow princess🫡 unlike with Sebek, who he really really loves, and with whom he has age in common—he’ll give enthusiastic consent to Sebek, make the first move… with grandpa it’s, oh he’s holding my waist, I like it, but I don’t know what to do, so I’ll let him lead. Not that what he wants matters here, because Baal doesn’t ask and doesn’t care lbr.

Is this the part where I talk about how hairy grandpa is. YOU KNEW IT WAS COMING… well. Nothing to be said except mr zigvolt doesn’t shave 🫡 chest? Hairy. Happy? Trail. Yum. (To compare once more, Sebe shaves his chest 😭😭😭😭😭WHAT ARE WE DOING TO OUR BEAUTIFUL KINGS!)

Needless to say that something shifts. When Silver and peepaw visit the Zigvolts, there’s some sweet little tension between them. You know how I mentioned that papa zigvolt isn’t allowed to touch the grill? Like the grill is SACRED. Fae or human, the art of grilling gets passed down from generation to generation. This is the only culture fathers have and it transcends species. Papa isn’t worthy of wielding the tongs yet. Well one day peepaw is like, come here Silver, I’ll teach you how to grill. 😭😭😭 catches EVERYBODY off guard, especially the siblings bc peepaw promised the oldest brother he’d teach him. The gag is Silver has been bbqing his own food since he was like, four. Anyway… little sparring sessions in the backyard… they stand dangerously close… watch out Sebek. Grandpa is about to steal your boyfriend🍾

It’s almost 8 am idk how I went on a paragraph long tangent about the relationship between man and his bbq but here we go. What I’m trying to say is Baal has a fondness for Silver and it definitely shows. To everybody else, that came out of literal nowhere. But he got himself a young human boy to fuck!!!

[purpleyoonn]

Hello Mari, how are you? I hope you are doing wonderfully well(;

Anyway, let me ask you a few questions! First of all, out of all the fanfics you've written so far, is there one that you consider your favorite? Are there fanfics that are more difficult to write and others that are relatively easier? Or are they all the same difficulty level? Ever thought about writing a physical book? (In my opinion, you have a lot of potential! I would definitely be one of the first in line at the bookstore, lol!).

And finally, how does your creativity work? Do you think about your stories very often? Or are there specific times for your creativity to kick in?

(OBS: Sorry for the list of questions! Don't feel pressured to answer, and forgive me if my English is bad! I'm still learning🙃).

A big hug for you dear, take care(:

Hello!! I am doing okay! Just normal life stress seeing as my car is now taking a turn for the less good and I might need to start looking around for another one😭

Out of all of my fics, I think baby might be my favorite one. I live the vibe of it and the way that it is going. I have so many ideas for it including different idol interactions and btsxmc interactions. I feel like the love in the bond is so pure that sometimes instincts overwrite normal thoughts or expectations.

I think there are definitely some fics that are more difficult to write than others. The most difficult one for me (because of the headspace I was in) is definitely a hand to hold. I truly think i might discontinue it. Petrichor is also a hard one to write for mainly because I have so much written for it in terms of world building. Im also trying not to take away from the mcs personality and her tenacity as she becomes an omega. I don’t want her to be a stereotypical omega in that right. I want her to have the same fire in her as when the met the boys and that’s kind of harder to maintain than I thought. Also, I find I like steering away from smut, and there is definitely going to be smut or at least mating between namjoon and mc within petrichor. I’ve been building up to it for 17 chs now and I don’t want to take away that build up from you guys.

Baby and tlblw are definitely some of the easier fics for me to write because I am more or less writing about my own experiences with my disabilities and just making them more or less something easier to understand and read about when it comes to an mc. Plus, people relate a lot to those mcs which helps a lot. They are more like self inserts than reader fics but I still write them as a reader fic.

I have actually thought about writing novels before. Last year I started world building for one, but quickly lost interest in it ngl. I think I could like rework some of my fics and publish them but mainly enchanted, dot, and petrichor. I have so many TikTok’s saved about publishing and self publishing. I wanted to be an editor/writer in a publishing house in high school but unfortunately listened to family and pursued teaching instead.

As for my creativity, I think about ideas and world building all the time. Even at work I’m constantly in my head, coming up with different stories or working on ones I’ve already thought up. I do have specific times though, where I absolutely need to write something down and my mind won’t let me do anything else until I do. I am very thankful for my notes app when this happens😂

pls don’t apologize and thank you for the big hug🥰🥰❤️❤️🥹🥹🥹

[btscontentenjoyer]

These two are my babies, I love them so much 😭😭😭

"Instead, she flattens her dress, sighing through her red-tinted lips before she nods towards him and simply says, “Thank you.” That's what it takes???? Of course they won't believe that he's good for her and that he can take care of her when she tells them, they have to literally see her in a bad state with him beside her in order to muster some human decency. I mean, I'm glad Jungkook got at least that, but it will take a lot more effort from their part to have some kind of decent relationship with their daughter 😔😔😔

"To this alternative to whatever you feared before. A chance to erase all words and start on a blank page; a white canvas, waiting for vibrant colours instead of monochrome gloom." Yessss, I'm so excited for this new beginning for them 🥺🥺🥺

"You don’t miss the endearment; neither the way your heart skips a beat." Yuppppp same, every time he says something like this, especially when it's casual like that, my heart skips a beat.

"The shudder along your spine is delightful — relentless, he keeps your nerves alight. Perhaps he’s back to the self you knew pre-broken-hearts, playful and teasing, but the effect of his words curses through your veins hotter than ever." Playful and teasing like the old times but with so much more weight and meaning to everything sounds good 🥺🥺🥺

"The certainty of his reciprocated feelings, the fact that you’re finally on the same page, makes you rethink his tender confessions and touches differently. Makes you navigate the relationship differently." A year 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 And they're finally on the same page for real. It feels like they always have been, they just didn't know it until now 😔😔😔

"When he left his apartment in joggers and an old shirt, mane untamed and no extra clothing at hand, he probably didn’t expect to abandon his place for so long. It gives you solace that he doesn’t regret it." I'm sure he would have done so much more than that for her and not batted an eye 🥺

"There’s a momentary drop of silence before Jungkook hums, thinking as though he’s crafting a plausible excuse. Then, he says, “I didn’t wanna be away for too long.” Aaaaaaaaaw. Was he afraid he wouldn't find her there again if he took longer? Or was he worried about her being alone? Or perhaps he just wanted to cherish every single second he could get with her because he was without her for too long 🥺🥺🥺🥺

"Maybe he’s still not used to laying his secrets open. Maybe you need to practise patience, too, and stop digging like that." I feel like this will be easier for her to do now, because she can be sure now that he will always tell her the important things when he's ready.

"But then he sighs, a hand wandering to your thigh. He kneads it softly, as a reminder to himself and to you that the past isn’t transpiring right now; that you’ve finally breathed and waded through it." Every reminder of this fills my heart with joy, I swear.

"Jungkook releases air through his nose. You perceive a subtle shake of his head, as if to scold you, hear him say earnestly but gently, “Don’t worry about me. I don’t just like you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Him saying things like that, hinting to something so big in this way is doing things to my heart.

"You love it when the initial nature of your relationship breaks through the mist of newfound passion; when you find the foundation of what you were, remembering how you landed here." They've always had a special connection!!!

"He shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t know anymore. Something about me leaving. And I was scared of waking you up while gone ‘cause you’d actually think I’d left.” 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 the biggest sweetheart. Because you know that she'd think that for just a few moments until she realises that he's in the bathroom but he still didn't want to cause her that pain even for a second 🥺🥺🥺

"He exhales, tilting his head, and says, “Look,” leans in, leaves a featherlight kiss against your cheek, right next to his thumb, “I mean it.” All the gentle touches add so much intimacy to these moments 🥺 Also as a physical touch girlie I very much approve!!

"Know that with the ease with which you handle your feelings for each other, you’ll strive towards a future where you won’t be haunted by dreams of being alone. Where you won’t fear his departure, and where his kisses won’t be interrupted by this cruel world." The certainty just 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💕 makes me so happy.

"Your relationships, your priorities, your emotions. Your universe changed faster than the seasons." <3

"A moment stretches as you wait for Yoongi to open, allowing yourself just another spiralling thought as you imagine actually daring a meeting with Jungkook’s parents. It’s too early to think about it, isn’t it?" I need her to meet his family so bad, I know they'd all love her 🥺

"Since yesterday, you’ve created a dozen different scenarios in your head, ranging from a civil, calm conversation with his father to a full snap. Half of you wants to know his genuine thoughts on his son’s sorrows; the other half wants to rage and then bolt away." But yeah, the meeting with that particular family member should be interesting… I feel like she'd be so protective of Jungkook, I know I'd be side eyeing his dad like crazy the entire time lmaoooo.

"Gummies all out, a tiny laugh thrown in between before he says, “Ohoho. You’re here, too?” Pleaseee he's so cuteee.

"He isn’t irritated or taken aback by the younger’s boldness; in truth, he seems entertained. Arms crossed, eyes small and grin wide. He half mocks, “The young ones are charming for sure these days.” That's such a Yoongi thing to say lmaoo I love him.

"Yoongi scratches his temple, doesn't meet your eyes; possibly shy when it comes to conversations like these. But he sounds warm and gentle when he says, "I'm really glad you guys are back." 🥺🥺🥺 Me too 🥺🥺🥺

"You’re similarly timid, feeling strange. As if someone’s congratulating you on a fresh marriage. Or maybe that’s just the emotion you want, need to feel." Oooooop 😳😳😳

“What if you dropped your plans of moving into that apartment?” Yessssssss

"He interrupts, rushing before he can back down, “Move in with me. And Yoongi could take the apartment you were considering.” Aaaaaaah I'm literally smiling so wide and trying not to make a happy sound because the whole house is asleep 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

"Technically yes. But then again, no. Because he’s right — you’ve already experienced a piece of heaven, tasted the bliss of domesticity with Jeon Jungkook." 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

"He means every minute that society and norms don’t force you out of the house. At nights and in the mornings, on off days and holidays. To fall asleep next to his presence, to wake up on the same mattress, too." That sounds so good 🥺🥺🥺

"But you forget that as sensitive as Jungkook is, he’s just as understanding and gentle, too." That he is 🥺

“I don’t want to be alone. I’ve been alone all my life,” you tell him; Jungkook eyebrows furrow in empathy and worry, but you smile, “I don’t wanna be anymore.” This is all sooo 😭😭😭😭 I don't have words, just emojis lol.

"Huh? What else did he do when you were asleep? Painted a Louvre-ripe masterpiece, probably." Yuppp, basically.

"You push your hands into the pockets of the blazer, gripping the car keys inside. Bashfully, you smile. His sincerity pumps warmth through you; it’s crazy how good belonging somewhere, to someone, can actually feel." Their group is sooo cute, I'm glad we get to see them all growing closer together now.

"He nods. “I can’t wait to see him glow either. A couple weeks were a couple too long.” That's so… 🥺🥺🥺

"He stops abruptly, the tone of the last syllable not matching a sentence’s end. You wait as he smiles a little, creating a thought, “But you could be happy somewhere else, too. Happier even.” Yes she can!!!!!

"Redrafting life as you knew it and striving towards something better." It's lovely to see them doing it. What we've seen of their relationship growing and evolving has been kind of all up to fate. To see them be more deliberate and consciously building a future together is so sweet.

"You just didn’t expect the two of you to still tip-toe around each other. Seems you still have a lot of adjusting to do." They're so cuteeeee, being all shy like this.

“And turned out Namjoon invited him, and he’s kiiiinda a big shot in the art business? Like, he’s a gallery collector, he said. He’d invest in my art and acquire it and have it showcased in bigger museums for more recogni— I know!” Aaaaaaaaah that's so coooooool. He deserves all of it and more 🥺🥺🥺

“Funny,” he retorts, as bad at compliments as you; throws them back like a boomerang, “thought the same when I met you at the party last year.” They are soooo two sides of the same coin and I love them.

"One of you will be on the brink of tears soon; until now, it’s usually been you." You know, I wouldn't mind if it's him one of these days too 👀👀👀

“I’m so fucking crazy for you,” he confesses; the shiver doesn’t hesitate crawling down your spine — neither does Jungkook, peppering your neck with kisses." !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Ohh. And now,” he whispers, close to your ear, hand moving. Up and further up, stopping around your throat, as if he’s testing your statement. As if he could tell him anything about the state of your lungs. “Now we’re not as focused, right?” Oh my godddddd he's such a menaceeee. I love their banter during sex so much 😫😫😫😫😫 I keep rereading the dialogue and it just gets better.

"Jungkook’s movements, calculated and systematic, only spur your body on. He’s always known what he’s doing; has analysed and explored what you want. How you want it." Will forever swoon over how attentive he is!!!!!

"And then he picks up on pace. Whispers, “That’s right— we got this—” 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫

"And you, as challenge-accepting as ever, start sucking, tasting some of yourself. You wrap your hand around his, moving your head, chest still heaving from the exhaustion. Your eyes close slowly enough for him to see them roll back, a reaction to the images your brain creates." Okay but can we talk about how hot OC is too because damn 😳😳😳

"It’s a surprise that he obliges, but then again, it’s not. You always forget just how weak he is — that his heart sits right there in your palms, his body a magnet to yours." AAAAAAAAH

"Jungkook fuels your confidence with vigour each time, eloquent through scorching heat, too. Because you don’t think you’ve ever smiled this self-assured before you knew him; or been certain about your power over others." He does that for her!!!! He makes her feel like THAT!!!!!

“You’re so gorgeous,” he compliments; his hand must be heating up under your touch, “did you know? So sweet and stunning. It makes me sick.” They make me sickkkkkkk. Literally the most in love people I've ever seen. And I'm in love with them!!!!!!!! Also btw you can't have the filthiest hottest blowjob scene and then go to this after if you want me to survive Rid 😫😫😫

"He straightens his body with a sigh when he’s done, sniffling as he usually does. His eyes are hidden behind his long hair, so he lifts both his hands to brush the soaked tresses back. The muscles of his arms are mountainous and firm. Tattoos ending at his shoulder." He's too damn pretty. And cute and hot and endearing.

"Your eyes are fond when you say, “Whenever it does happen… I can already imagine all of it clearly.” Me tooooooo 🥺🥺🥺

"Strange how he means distanced from your kiss, not from your body. Strange how you miss each other while in the same room, but not melted into each other." This 😭😭😭😭😭

"Must be a hidden message. He’s not just talking about sex anymore, is he? But him and you in one bubble, separated from the world. Nothing but you, you and you." <33

"Even if in a crude sense, this is yet another definition of home. And every definition can be traced back to him." This!!!!!!!!!!!

"No matter how obscene, there’s meaning in every one of your touches; in every stroke, in every word, in every single time you lose yourself in him." That's exactly how every smut scene in this series has felt, so intimate and intentional and so much more than just sex.

"And his voice proves it; delicate and quiet, “Baby… you make my heart drop to my stomach all the time. Do I not look at you like I want a rest of my life with you?” Heeeeeeeee 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Also the amount of times he's said baby in this… okaaaay 😳😳😳

"His hand rubs gently over your shirt, and then drops until his fingers are toying with your — his — jogger’s strings. “I’m a pro at rewatching. I’m down.” Now I wanna rewatch it with them too 🥺🥺🥺

“It’s no fun when we’re not both ready to watch it.” Lmaooooo this is so me.

"You could overthink every detail of his face. Tell him all about his everlasting elegance. Instead, you only lower your voice, soft as you say, “You look pretty even when you cry.” “Thank you,” he returns, though fingertips still work at the liquid, and you can’t help but laugh." Like that moment at the concert aaaaah, that's so adorable. Having the visuals for it in my head already makes it even more 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

"You laugh softly against his shirt, burying between his pecs; joking, “We’re perfect for each other. Dysfunctional families and whatnot.” Aaaaw but it's true, they are perfect for each other. And they know perfectly well the pain that comes with family problems, so they know how to comfort each other too 🥺

“Just.” His chest rises. Then falls. “Everything.” Everything!!! They feel everything!!!

“It’s not over yet, baby.” Please this is such a sweet moment 😭😭😭 they give each other so much hope and support 🥺🥺🥺

"No, she lingers there; you hear her breathe until she asks, “Are you bringing your man, too, by the way?” Her man!!!!!!!

"Your heart dissolves and dissipates. His voice is soft as a petal, tender like the colours on his arm. The expression he sports is unsure, like he wants to hide — waiting for your opinion." He is so adorable!!!!! And thoughtful and modest and the man of my dreams!!!!

"Amidst the delicate minutes you spend standing between the bedroom and the living room, you almost forget that there’s a world outside. It’s a little more grey than before, similar to the suit you’ll be wearing in a couple hours." Yeah, he brings the colour to her world, not the press and fame and her parents 😔😔😔

"Before you parted near the entrance, he said, “I’ll be offering a dozen thumbs up like a fool if you need me to.” 🥺🥺🥺

"You nibble your lip, but quickly disguise it as licking them damp, “It is true that I have a partner who’s an artist. He has been working his way up. In fact, I won’t be surprised if you see his name in one of those well-read magazines soon.” Yessss they will 🥺

“So, I’ve decided to renounce my right to be the company’s heir. I’m not doing this because I lack confidence but because I’ve attained confidence. I need to create my legacy separate from my family’s success. Stand on my own merits.” Aaaaah I'm so happy for her, she deserves to have something to make her own. And I'm so so proud too, I'm sure someone else is as well 🥺

"Other speakers are also scheduled to take on the stage, but you feel the weight of the room’s attention on you. Your mother is glaring, disapproving gaze scanning the room. Finding him for a second. Then gone again." Oh she must be so maddddd lmao I love that.

Rid, this chapter was sooooo 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I love how we got a smol taste of the domesticity that I'm sure we'll also get plenty of from now on. These two need to never be separated ever again. And the smut here was sooooo fun and hottt, I saw you saying you liked writing the dialogue during it and I had the best time reading it. I'm so excited for everything that's to come for these two!!!

colour me in: redraft | jjk (m)

Summary: The calm is more appreciated after a storm. Life with Jungkook proves to you that sometimes, joy can, in fact, overshadow grief. Yet, not without confronting and removing all hurdles standing in your way once and for all.

➳ pairing: Jungkook x reader ➳ rating: 18+ ➳ genre: fwb/f2l, fake dating; some tame angst, sooo much fluff, smut ➳ warnings: new relationshippppp, so much hugging and kissing, yoongi!! tae!!, tears, abandonment issues, talk about social anxiety (just briefly and nothing serious!), jungkook drops a big question :'), a surprise in the middle, a surprise near the end, and then a SURPRISE at the end lol, many surprises, they're so crazy for each other it's gross; explicit sexual content: okay – kook is wearing a chain.. this vibe :'), making out, showering together, shower sex, spanking, biting, oral (f. & m. receiving), fingering, mouth/face f*cking, mirrorssss, he likes her ass and tiddies, tears, choking, v brief ass stuff, rough and soft sex, dom and big cawk jk, vocal jk, multiple orgasms, they're simps; ALSO YEAH THE ENDING :') ➳ word count: 25.3k ➳ a/n: so when i said this chapter would be shorter… welp lol. but i still think it introduces the next arc really well. i kinda love the ending!! .. and the next part will be </3 :'''') as always beta'd by my lovely @missgeniality 🤍 i hope you guys like this one a lot. worked my ass off for this fr :') if you do, please do support the chapter and interact with me, too, it makes my day <3 ➳ listen to: i need u by yaeow | full collaborative playlist 🤍

SERIES MASTERPOST | TAGLIST MASTERLIST | WIPs | DC SERVER

Monday morning’s breakfast is awkward. Or at least, the very first minute of it.

The hands of your watch drift to 9 AM; you should’ve expected you wouldn’t be occupying the dining table alone. Your parents, sipping the last of their coffee, aren’t that much of a surprise after all.

You breathe a quiet breath of relief when their eyes dart towards your timid forms at the threshold, then back to the table. And a moment later, they’re pushing their chairs back across the marble floor before they clear the path to breakfast for the two of you.

Your father acknowledges you with a brief, polite nod on his way out, even flashing a similarly quick smile. Ingenuine, because his glance, fleeting when directed to you, is as disappointed as your Mom’s behind him.

Today, you understand. Somewhere in the depths of your recovering mind, you feel upset about shitfacing yourself so thoroughly, too.

You haven’t seen your mother in over two days. Jungkook’s post-showcase confessions brought you to Eun, and the next morning you barely scanned your room before you left for her place again.

Guess the momentary encounter in the hallway doesn’t quite count; you could hardly crack your eyes open. Combined with half the dozen naps you took in your locked room the very next day, you won’t exactly expect pride from her right now.

Until now, as she advances towards your body, you didn’t consider much of her side; you stayed focused on the other occurrences passing after sunset. Moments whose scent your sheets still carry.

As your mother comes to a stand, you prepare your vocal cords, breathing in to explain yourself until you realise that she isn’t looking at you at all. Her eyes are firmly glued to Jungkook’s face, devoid of enmity for once.

Instead, she flattens her dress, sighing through her red-tinted lips before she nods towards him and simply says, “Thank you.”

And that’s it. A little breathtaking, entirely new.

You’re dumbfounded when she leaves; Jungkook doesn’t manage a single word. You imagine that if you’re baffled, he’s probably rethinking her words to assure he didn’t hallucinate them.

But neither of you did. And the silence lingering for a couple more seconds proves the depth of reality; not that you’ll change your mind about leaving your place. But the hint of appreciation, shot directly at him is a pleasant first nevertheless.

Breakfast is patient but fast. The quiet atmosphere doesn’t derive from the night before or what your mother just left you with, but from the emotional fatigue slowly dropping off your shoulders.

Jungkook lets you feast in peace, a soft palm rubbing over the back of your hand every now and then to assure you’re okay. And you are. You’re getting used to these changes.

To this alternative to whatever you feared before. A chance to erase all words and start on a blank page; a white canvas, waiting for vibrant colours instead of monochrome gloom.

Yet, despite the tranquillity last night, still present in the air and in your aching limbs, you don’t understand the sincerity of all the confessions he uttered until you leave.

Because breathing in your car isn’t as suffocating as it was the last few weeks. Back when you’d navigate through the town alone, the passenger seat empty. Or when you plucked up the courage and drove to the showcase numbly.

Or when the pain pierced through your chest; when your drunk ass thought the world would  remain blue forever.

All of it is gone when you buckle up, shifting in your seat as you announce, “Okay. Let’s finally get you home.”

The engine roars for a moment, the car trembling, but you only register the knot in your throat when he says, “Feels so unfair of me. Having my girl drive me around so much.”

You don’t miss the endearment; neither the way your heart skips a beat.

Incapable of a proper reaction, you clear your throat and stutter, all at once and oddly in succession until you settle on a weak, “Why unfair?”

“Because. You do it a lot.”

You really do not. The night the museum closed and you dropped him off at your place was one of a few times; besides, he’s operated your vehicle more than enough before, too.

But you don’t contradict him, instead lightly suggest, “Well, you can drive if you want.”

You’re relieved when he joins your smile, dimples ever-so-sweet and genuine as he promises, “It’s fine. I’ll just stare at you.”

The shudder along your spine is delightful — relentless, he keeps your nerves alight. Perhaps he’s back to the self you knew pre-broken-hearts, playful and teasing, but the effect of his words curses through your veins hotter than ever.

“That’s creepy,” you still retort; you’ll gladly keep fighting this sweet, awkward battle against compliments for life, unaware how to handle them. “And it makes me nervous.”

“Sorry.”

Jungkook laughs, the back of two fingers reaching to your cheek to graze it featherlightly. Maybe he feels the heat beneath your skin, enhanced through his touch.

By now, you’ve spent a year with him — as a party fling, a class frenemy and a blue flower. But each second ticking away brings a new wave of soft, shy speechlessness. New honeymoon emotions.

The certainty of his reciprocated feelings, the fact that you’re finally on the same page, makes you rethink his tender confessions and touches differently. Makes you navigate the relationship differently.

His eyes drift back to the quiet, narrow street, surrounded by houses and blooming gardens. Probably as tired of the idyllic utopia as you, he doesn’t spare the suburban setting any more attention.

He only lets a flat hand rub against his thighs, nipping at his clothing as he says, “God, I can’t wait to get out of these damn joggers.”

Right. While not a main focus, you did find the special attire at breakfast today quite amusing.

“Did you even get to shower since picking me up?” you ask.

“Yeah. When you were napping again yesterday. Just gotta wash my hair later tonight.”

Hmm. You spent half your day knocked out; Jungkook could’ve circled the world and you wouldn’t have known.

“Oh. Good.”

The road proceeds straight, emptier near the suburbs. You allow a reckless glance before tackling busy streets; his eyes meet yours in curiosity, hair even messier than the night he met you in front of the bar.

When he left his apartment in joggers and an old shirt, mane untamed and no extra clothing at hand, he probably didn’t expect to abandon his place for so long. It gives you solace that he doesn’t regret it.

You drop the million memories of yesterday’s sunset burning into your eyes and everything that introduced it. The drunk words and the begging.

And then drop everything that followed afterwards; more pleading, more touching, more confessions that were in no way uttered through inebriate but not quite through sobriety either.

“What are you thinking about?” he asks.

You drop all the remembrances to focus on the moment; just to make sure that it’s real. So you ask, “Why didn’t you wash your hair there, too?”

For a moment, you see a flicker in his eyes, short-lived and quick; and his answer shoots out even more rapidly, “Just so.”

He emphasises his admission with a shrug of his shoulder, but it’s not nearly as convincing as he anticipates. Not buying a word, you push again, “C’mon.”

“I swear.”

“I’m curious now, though.”

There’s a momentary drop of silence before Jungkook hums, thinking as though he’s crafting a plausible excuse. Then, he says, “I didn’t wanna be away for too long.”

“…Why?”

“Why would I want to be?”

Ah…

Hmm. Well, maybe that’s enough for now.

Maybe he’s still not used to laying his secrets open. Maybe you need to practise patience, too, and stop digging like that.

You know that’s not all there is, but you certainly understand that it’s not a lie after all. Despite the pause and the obvious way his brain racked for a reason, his tone is genuine. You’ve experienced his insecurities before — that’s not what it was this time.

So you focus on the steering wheel instead, turning it left and away from the truck you drove way too close to. Your distraction might kill you — right there, next to you, clearing his throat and sitting up.

“Oh,” he says, segueing, and you let him, “wait, I forgot. Could we stop by at Yoongi’s for a sec? I wanted to see how he’s been doing.”

An abrupt change in topics, but not too abstract. As someone merely acquainted with the man, you’ve been collecting info on his state from Jimin; of course Jungkook would drop by personally.

You take a look at your digital watch; it’s barely ten and you don’t need to get away before 10:45. Taehyung agreed to meet with you to accompany you to your new potential flat again, so you should have time for a detour.

But.

“Is he…” you start, “gonna be okay with me being there?”

“Why?”

“I mean, just ‘cause… You know. We weren’t the closest for a while.”

Jungkook’s forehead wrinkles in new perplexion, muttering a few words. It takes a couple seconds — but eventually, he figures out that you’re not referring to Yoongi and yourself, and his expression changes immediately.

To subtle pain, you’d guess, like he doesn’t want to relive the memory. Like it never happened; like you weren’t two pieces of the same shattered heart this entire time.

But then he sighs, a hand wandering to your thigh. He kneads it softly, as a reminder to himself and to you that the past isn’t transpiring right now; that you’ve finally breathed and waded through it.

His optimism is encouraging when he says, “Nah. He thinks you’re cool.”

“I guess,” you mumble. You tap the steering wheel nervously, lips in a thin line before you add a hushed, “And if not, that’s alright, isn’t it? Like, hey, as long as you like me? Yeah, I shouldn’t overthink it…”

Jungkook releases air through his nose. You perceive a subtle shake of his head, as if to scold you, hear him say earnestly but gently, “Don’t worry about me. I don’t just like you.”

And whether casual or not, his words engulf your body immediately, like a soothing warm touch across your chest, yet effectively freezing your beating heart in place.

You can’t pinpoint whether the weight of his own words ever affects him as much as it affects you, or whether harbouring these emotions has become a familiar habit to him. At least to you, his tone is conversational and promising, perhaps even subliminally reassuring.

“At the very least,” he continues, “he’ll never disapprove of you the way Jimin disapproves of me.”

Which… snaps you back into reality for a second.

Your friend’s name is connected to more than mere dislike for the man next to you; currently, you think of dark nights and lamp-lit streets. After-midnight shenanigans and near tears in your own car, driven by the man who broke and mended your heart.

It reminds you of a blurry picture; two guys standing near an entrance, the older of them patting the other’s shoulder; smiling at him.

You do wonder if it was a fabrication of your mind.

“Forget Jimin,” you tell Jungkook, speech broken when you take another left and resumed when broader streets start. “Also. He did say he’s growing fond of you.”

“Because you like me. I still need to prove my worth to him.”

You tut.

“Kook, you don’t need to do anything. He’ll come around eventually. Just be you.”

“It’s fine, honestly.” He leans in, nudging your elbow, echoing you with a teasing undertone as he says, “As long as you like me.”

You love it when the initial nature of your relationship breaks through the mist of newfound passion; when you find the foundation of what you were, remembering how you landed here.

Which is why you bite back a laugh the moment you suppress a sassy, teasing remark, as if on reflex. One steer shy from pulling into a parking lot, you breathe out. If you halted here now, you’d kiss him, you’re sure.

But you merely laugh, squinting your eyes as you say, “You’re okay.”

Yoongi’s apartment, now inhabited by only one instead of two people, lies a couple miles from the campus. Jungkook guides you through the streets, jumping from one harmless topic to another — you reach his friend’s place a lot faster than you expected.

The building stands at a quiet place, surrounded by mid-high trees that give the grey colour of the complex a bit of liveliness. You walk to the entrance laughing about something stupid, a subtle nudge of his shoulder here, you pushing against his arm there.

But despite the familiarity and whatever occurred last weekend, it’s still odd jumping into the girlfriend role just yet. The word itself won’t even roll off your tongue very easily so far because you can’t believe a thing about this new reality.

So your hand dangles next to his awkwardly. Your thoughts keep drifting, registering half his sentence at times. What-if situations of gentle kisses and upcoming nights spent together tighten your chest.

Jungkook’s speech is clear and fluent, so you don’t know what your impact on him is exactly. At least he’s made sure you do have one on him — but you still wish you had a map through his mind to understand every thought he houses for you. Every emotion.

On the way up you feel a little dizzy; whether it’s due to the circular shape of the staircase or his proximity, you don’t know. You only realise that something’s still bothering you when you’re halfway up, coming to a halt with one foot on the next step.

“Okay, seriously,” you say, and he turns to you immediately, puzzled as he drops to the same level as you. Close to you.

“What?”

“You said you didn’t wanna leave,” you repeat, still stuck on the hair washing and staying longer thought, “why not?”

The answer could be simple. Could be rooted in emotions and the confessions you later uttered — but there must be something more. You saw it in the brief feeling flashing across his eyes, sitting in the passenger’s seat with silence sealing his lips.

Maybe something happened… because something always happens.

“You’re still thinking about that?” Jungkook questions, eyes wide in disbelief; lips pouting.

“No secrets, right?”

This seems to snap him out of all mysteries, last night’s conversation travelling to the forefront of his mind. But something about your curiosity amuses him. He wraps the fingers of his left hand around the staircase reeling, head dropping with a delicate smile.

His hair hides his eyes, but you know they’re sparkling; voice a mild drizzle when he starts, “It’s…” He draws in, inked digits touching your elbow before moving up your arm absentmindedly. “Don’t worry so much. It’s nothing harmful at all.”

You wait. Let his thumb graze your neck, up to your chin.

He sighs, almost exasperated in a way. “You speak in your sleep, you know?”

Wait. What?

You blink, thoughts disoriented. The staircase is dimly lit, but you recognise the slight upward curve of his lips; more empathetic than teasing.

So you still do?

“Huh?” you make.

“I think you dreamed of waking up a couple times? You hadn’t, though, and it’d always be something about being alone again.”

Again.

The word reverberates through your mind, dragging and stretching. Didn’t you once read that a broken heart is akin to serious rehab, accompanied by withdrawal symptoms and slowly healing scars?

You guess your heart was hurting more than you already knew.

“Okay,” you say, nodding when he does, thumb lifting your head when you drop it. You swallow thickly. “What did I say exactly?”

He shrugs one shoulder. “I don’t know anymore. Something about me leaving. And I was scared of waking you up while gone ‘cause you’d actually think I’d left.”

You hum. Allow yourself a moment to process the info; you seek out fragments of your dreams, but you draw a blank. You feel guilty about his concerns, yet relieved. Vulnerable. And somewhat reassured.

“I’m sorry,” you finally say.

Your voice is barely above a whisper — less because of the conversation. More because of the touch on your cheek. It’s soft against your skin, and you shiver. The flutter in your chest is only just bearable.

That’s the thing about falling in love. It’s sweet — so much sometimes that it twists your guts. You’re in so deep, you could hurl.

“Nah. You don’t need to worry about this anymore, okay?” he murmurs.

His eyes dig into yours. Dark and shiny through his healthy tresses, livelier than ever. Sincere. 

You, on the other hand, must look unconvinced without intending to, because his mouth aligns with yours soon after.

He exhales, tilting his head, and says, “Look,” leans in, leaves a featherlight kiss against your cheek, right next to his thumb, “I mean it.”

Guess being with him comes with occasional mental blackouts. And regular arrhythmia. The palpitations behind your ribs are almost ridiculous; instead of gripping your own chest, you grasp his shirt immediately.

Lightly, as if you could collapse without this anchor.

He lets you pull him closer just a little, whispering as if someone could hear, “What’s wrong?”

Vulnerability hidden, you blink again, and joke, “Nothing. Just thought you were gonna kiss me.”

Jungkook smiles. His nose brushes against yours, toying a bit, and his bunny teeth make him look somewhat younger when he voices, “You want me to kiss you?”

“I always do.”

Your grin is playful, but your heart is pounding in your chest. Who would’ve thought the journey from a car to an apartment could be so long, so thrilling?

His snicker is gentle and canorous, knees careful against yours. Your heartbeat accelerates some more, rose-tinted lips opting towards their goal. You part your mouth, ready with a deep breath.

But the two of you are always subject to disturbances — so you’re disappointed but not surprised when you hear rushed steps on top of the staircase, strolling down and crossing your path just when Jungkook backs away.

The stranger passes by you with initial surprise in his eyes, not expecting you, but soon gets over it and drops his gaze again. And once he’s gone, Jungkook winks, a hand on your back pushing you forward gently.

“Later,” he says.

You know as you ascend the stairs.

Know that with the ease with which you handle your feelings for each other, you’ll strive towards a future where you won’t be haunted by dreams of being alone. Where you won’t fear his departure, and where his kisses won’t be interrupted by this cruel world.

The building reminds you of when you’d frequent the dorm you used to know. The walls and hallways are similarly built, narrow and somewhat cheap. They look like most buildings from the inside do, honestly, but you like the pleasant illusion the nostalgia brings.

Even the bathrooms are located near the end of the hallways; Jungkook once told you that Tae and Yoongi have their own kitchen, unlike him back when he still housed his dorm. But there’s a communal bathroom here, too; allegedly one reason why Tae moved out.

The only thing that separates this place from Jungkook’s old dorm is the subtle difference in scent. Not pure testosterone.

You smile.

The mood doesn’t match with what you felt back in June at all.

Back when you stomped to Jungkook’s dorm, furious about yet another insignificant issue, you didn’t think your fingers would ever be brushing his like they are now. Or when you escaped the rain and entered the building’s warmth, your umbrella leaving behind a trail of raindrops.

Your relationships, your priorities, your emotions. Your universe changed faster than the seasons.

As you walk past a random door, Jungkook cranes his neck, staring as if he could x-ray-glare a hole into it and glance at what lays behind it. Perhaps he’s thinking back, too.

You don’t know about all the things he experienced throughout the years there. Part of your heart stings because you remember you weren’t the only girl who ever frequented his place.

But you still left an impression — if the current status of your relationship isn’t proof of it, then the sudden touch along the back of your hand certainly is. A thumb following a vein blindly, opting to grasp your palm into his, yet retracting when you finally come to a stand.

The digit caressing your skin lifts to the door, and his knuckles knock three times, rhythmically. Your chest constricts as you jump back into the moment, probably half as nervous as you’d be if you met Jungkook’s parents.

A moment stretches as you wait for Yoongi to open, allowing yourself just another spiralling thought as you imagine actually daring a meeting with Jungkook’s parents. It’s too early to think about it, isn’t it?

It’s just.

Since yesterday, you’ve created a dozen different scenarios in your head, ranging from a civil, calm conversation with his father to a full snap. Half of you wants to know his genuine thoughts on his son’s sorrows; the other half wants to rage and then bolt away.

Ugh.

When the door swings open, your hand flashes to Jungkook’s. A startled instinct, even though nothing about the action was surprising or scary. But he doesn’t mind — of course he doesn’t.

His eyes rush to yours for a second, warm and somewhat thrilled, his smile permanent. And then he looks back at his friend, quietly squeezing your palm, the shy smile soft as he greets, “You’re walking without clutches, huh?”

Yoongi doesn’t respond right away. He looks from Jungkook to you and back. His gaze isn’t very telling, but you find amusement in it. If you weren’t so ridiculously and inexplicably nervous about his upcoming statement, you’d laugh.

Intently, he grants a peek at your entwined hands, and when he looks at the two of you again, he starts…

Smiling.

Gummies all out, a tiny laugh thrown in between before he says, “Ohoho. You’re here, too?”

The smile turns into a sly grin, a hand clutching the frame of the door. You guess he’s not as balanced after all. Possibly just abandoned his clutches for the short way from the couch to the door.

“I can totally go,” you tell him, the teasing tone missing; soft and small instead.

“Why in the world would you?” Yoongi steps aside carefully, nodding the two of you inside. You oblige, hearing his voice behind you jest, “Now, would you look at that. Did I do that?”

Jungkook automatically drops on the chair at the tiny dining table, like he’s arrived home, and you follow; make yourself comfortable on the seat next to him. There are three chairs, as though carefully chosen for the pair of friends who used to live together and a guest.

Next to you, Jungkook huffs, leaning back as he watches his friend plop onto the chair in front of him, and asks, “How would you’ve done that?”

“Well, you guys gathered at the hospital because of me.”

Right. Good point.

If he just knew how that night played out. Actually, you think he just might, yet not quite aware of its severity.

“Not because of you,” Jungkook promises, “I just charmed her again.”

You laugh. So does Yoongi.

He isn’t irritated or taken aback by the younger’s boldness; in truth, he seems entertained. Arms crossed, eyes small and grin wide. He half mocks, “The young ones are charming for sure these days.”

“Spoken like a true Grandpa,” Jungkook remarks. You press your lips into a thin line, but with a faint smile. You only listen; you’re in the territory of two friends who spend their time roasting each other. You’re not on that level yet, so you observe. “But I had to.”

“You had to, huh?” you joke. Okay, observation broken. Your body tilts towards him. “You didn’t need any of your charm for… this. But still good to know.”

Because you would’ve been putty in his hands, no matter what — charm or not.

"Can confirm," Yoongi agrees, nodding towards his friend, "that he was also a proper mess the last couple weeks. Very out of character."

Your eyes roll to the side to catch a glimpse of him, but the moment you detect the rosy dust on Jungkook's cheeks, you avert your gaze immediately.

Admittedly, the guilt in the middle of your chest is undeniable. But there's comfort in knowing you were never the only half who was deeply, perpetually falling.

Yoongi scratches his temple, doesn't meet your eyes; possibly shy when it comes to conversations like these. But he sounds warm and gentle when he says, "I'm really glad you guys are back."

You’re similarly timid, feeling strange. As if someone’s congratulating you on a fresh marriage. Or maybe that’s just the emotion you want, need to feel.

You say, “Thanks.” And then, ever-so-terrible with compliments, add a little, “Let’s say it was you. Double thank you to the man of the hour.”

Yoongi pulls a grimace hitherto unseen; it doesn’t faze Jungkook, but the Joker-esque grin and wide-eyed nod have you bursting into laughter. His friends are pleasant, you think.

If there was a way to lure Jimin in and convince him of this group’s collective appeal, you wouldn’t hesitate. There’s only a limited time you want him to play the petty, protective friend.

“So, how have you been?” Jungkook eventually asks.

Yoongi rubs the corner of his eye, stretching his injured leg under the table, “Never better. The bank is surviving without me. Besides, I haven’t gotten around to making some music in a while.”

“Tae did tell me you were enjoying your days off.”

Jungkook reacts with a tiny chuckle, but your eyes widen. You let him finish his sentence, and then spit, “Wait, wait. You make music?”

“Oh, I mean… I’m not any good,” he explains, wiggling a hand, a little startled as if he forgot you didn’t know yet. “I just. Make a few beats every now and then and write my own bars and stuff.”

“Wait, rap?” You stare between the boys, to and fro, only a little offended that you didn’t know you had a brooding future musician in your midst. “Can I hea—”

“No.” The answer is immediate. You pout. “Before you ask, I am way too much of a coward.”

“He’s amazing,” Jungkook intrudes.

And you whine, “Unfair, Yoongi.”

He imitates your expression, leaning back, copying your stance, and answers in the same childlike tone, “Warm up to me first! I’ll show it to you one day.”

“One day I’m gon’st hear it,” you declare, overly dramatic with your chin up, “you have my taste in music, you know? I know I’ll like it.”

“Don’t tempt me.”

“I can try.”

Yoongi blows a raspberry. You’re not sure what you expected; maybe subtle hostility. But the sense of casual camaraderie is refreshing; lounging comfortably in his living room was a picture far from your mind until now, and you think he enjoys the unforeseen gathering, too.

Because after a moment of stillness, a faint smile touches his lips, his voice back to normal and deep as he remarks, “It’s nice that you guys came. I get bored here a lot.”

Right. You kept wondering.

You don’t dive into the matter immediately, instead drenching your voice in a teasing lilt, “Even though Jimin visits you?”

“Shut up.” Mock exasperation rolls his eyes as Jungkook appreciates your joke, one foot pressing against yours under the table. “No. It’s just been lonely since Tae moved out. It’s a two people thing with two bedrooms.”

He shrugs his shoulders, attention fully on you. Jungkook either doesn’t have much to say or doesn’t want to interrupt. Only listens.

“Living here alone feels like I’m wasting space and money,” Yoongi finishes.

Curiosity piqued, you probe, “What did Tae say when he left?”

“He offered to let me move in with him. But that’d be pointless.”

“Why so?”

“He’s awesome for offering, but I think he wanted his own place, you know? Why would I intrude then? But I did tell him I’d look for another place.”

“Have you been?” you ask. You still remember how happy Taehyung looked last time you met him alone.

How he spoke so highly of a life on his own, gladly interrupted by the occasional visits Eun granted him. Yoongi, you think, would probably benefit from acquiring his own place, too — one that doesn’t remind him that someone left him behind, inhabiting a vacant space thought for two.

“Every now and then,” Yoongi admits. “Will think about it some more once my leg’s healed.”

You nod in understanding, a thoughtful hum escaping your lips. Yoongi soon leans forward, naked arms on top of the table, and delves into a discussion about the rising costs of rent.

He outlines the challenges of finding the right place in the bustling city, and explains his worries about the empty space in a too-large apartment. And you listen intently.

But as minutes pass, you can’t help but notice the contemplative silence Jungkook has fallen into.

It’s always the same with him — thoughts you can’t read, questions you need to postpone.

Because you do glance over at him, observe the distracted furrow of his brow, the distant look in his eyes. You understand he’s once again lost in unknown thoughts, and you sense how jumbled his mind must be.

But you still decide to hold off for the moment, out of respect for the ongoing conversation. You don’t focus on addressing his apparent preoccupation until it keeps going until later, way after you’ve bid Yoongi goodbye.

“Why do you seem so reserved?” you ask in the car, his home your new destination.

It must be around quarter past ten; you should still be able to meet Tae within half an hour. Yet, despite the brooding rush, you can’t help but wanna drag out the ride, finish this conversation.

“Hm?” he voices.

Did he not hear you? Maybe.

You sigh, seeking an available parking spot. You’ve already turned into his street, way past the park, halting close to his entrance. The engine dies, sudden silence inside the vehicle.

“Okay,” you turn towards him, forearm against the wheel. “You’re a lot less enthusiastic now. What’s up?”

He looks distracted. Drags his teeth over his full, pink lower lip hard enough for you to repeat, “Hey. What’s wrong?”

“Uh.” Cue big boba eyes flitting to you. “I was just. Thinking about something.”

“Wanna share?”

“Yeah. Yeah, uhm. I swear I’m not trying to be mysterious, just. Not sure how to phrase it.”

He’s easing himself into this whole thing. The entire opening up act and being fearless with his feelings. So you don’t push him, but encourage, “Try. If not now, then maybe later, though?”

“No, no. Now is fine.” He frees his eyes off the dark bangs when he shakes his head a little, preparing to voice his hidden thoughts. Then, he breathes, “Yeah, so…”

One more second.

And.

“What if you dropped your plans of moving into that apartment?”

Oh. What?

Does he mean what you think he means…

There are only two options, right? And you choose to go with the one that would embarrass you less if it turned out wrong.

“Should I… do you think I should stay with my family?” you ask, your voice cautious.

But when his hands shoot up, immediately denying your assumption with round eyes, you breathe out through your nose. Relieved when he clarifies, “No, not at all. I mean, it’s up to you, but that’s not what I meant.”

So then…

“So you’re saying—”

He interrupts, rushing before he can back down, “Move in with me. And Yoongi could take the apartment you were considering.”

Fuck. 

You didn’t expect your heart to jump up to your throat like that. It’s a day full of brief heart failures. You barely know how to react anymore.

You stare. Then stare a bit more. And eventually, you simply ask, “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean…” He gulps, averting your gaze all of a sudden before it lands back on yours. You chuckle quietly, unprompted, and it boosts his confidence. “You stayed at mine for days and it worked. It could… you know— keep working.”

The suggestion lingers like a fresh breeze, grazing your cheeks and twirling around you like a soothing force. He beams — though subtle, he seems to interpret the simultaneous rise of your eyebrows and your lips immediately.

Still, he inquires, “I don’t know… too soon?”

Technically yes. But then again, no. Because he’s right — you’ve already experienced a piece of heaven, tasted the bliss of domesticity with Jeon Jungkook.

“You really are serious about this, yeah?”

“Only if you want me to be,” he counters, less tense than before, but a hand rubbing in nervous circles over his knee, “if not, then I was absolutely joking.”

An awkward, little chortle fills the small space of the car; you shake your head, teeth out and smile bright. There’s sweetness in knowing that his affection is real. That the thought of shared future pains, joys and days — that it’s all actually become so unbelievably real.

The car is cool in the shadow, but you feel a strange heat coursing through your body. At the end of the street, you see the sunlight brighten the moment he laughs. Fitting.

The crinkly eye smile softens when he reaches for your hand, pulling it off the wheel and wrapping it in his. There’s an automatic reaction in your chest, a constant racing when he says, “I mean it, though.”

Brief pause. He looks down to your fingers.

“I think I got used to having you there. And then, at Yoongi’s I had this… I don’t know, overwhelming urge to tell you. That,” his teeth worry his lip, releasing it softly, “I want you next to me for as long as possible.”

You understand.

He means every minute that society and norms don’t force you out of the house. At nights and in the mornings, on off days and holidays. To fall asleep next to his presence, to wake up on the same mattress, too.

And the longing is undeniable; you know that it is. But you’re already swamped with decisions as it is — could you call off the apartment right here, right now? Rethink all you discussed with the landlord, Taehyung or yourself?

Life decisions are harder than that, and despite all the wants infiltrating your body, you can’t dive into this without a couple more following thoughts.

You keep gazing into his smouldering eyes, more intense when he looks up. Let their effect send a thrill down your spin, a surge of yearning through your veins. 

And then, you acknowledge the need for prudence. You savour the moment, let the anticipation built, and flash a sultry smile to ensure that, yes, if not now, then one damn day, I’ll be yours entirely.

“I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything to work more than this,” you admit, “but I need to—”

You halt. Words come hard to you these days; and the two of you are sensitive. It’s not easy to reunite after weeks of overthinking and distance; and you don’t want to provide more reasons to overthink.

But you forget that as sensitive as Jungkook is, he’s just as understanding and gentle, too.

Because he says, “You need to think. And I know you can’t just pack your things and move over, I just— I wanted it out there.”

“I know. I know.”

“And I,” he continues, “I actually thought you were gonna say no right away since you’re getting out of your childhood home just now, so naturally, you would wanna be alone for a while and—”

You lean forward, pulling your hands out of his grip. His eyes shoot down, baffled and confused, but you don’t give him a second to think or speak. In a moment’s notice, his cheeks are squished between your palms, his bunny face now akin to a duck.

“I don’t want to be alone. I’ve been alone all my life,” you tell him; Jungkook eyebrows furrow in empathy and worry, but you smile, “I don’t wanna be anymore.”

His expression and voice are dorky when he speaks, first words incomprehensible. You let go, watching the red splotches on his cheek, and he repeats, “Is that a yes?”

“It’s… I don’t know. A to be continued.”

“I’ll live with that.”

You don’t know if it’s the electrifying prospect of a life together or the confidence he follows his statement up with, but the insanity burns wild in your head. Untamed and dizzying.

“And I’ll wait for however long.”

“I didn’t even ask, I’m sorry… but are you starting work later today?”

You stand in the middle of Taehyung’s living room, a hand over your eyes to protect them from the bright sunlight. He’s busy piling the saucers and the cups, and you wait as he drags a vocal in thought.

“No, no. I’m off today.” He stands, and you automatically walk the short distance to the kitchen, lingering at the door frame. “Need the afternoon for an appointment at the doc. So yeah.”

“Oh. Everything okay?”

He doesn’t speak yet, dishes in the wash basin too loud. They clink and rattle; the moment you’ll move to an apartment by yourself, you’ll have to wash them yourself, too.

Maybe you can make your place as aesthetically pleasing and beige as Taehyung did. You don’t know — you couldn’t imagine much today nor discuss further details about the contract and rent and general house rules.

The landlord bailed on you last second. And Taehyung sacrificed over an hour that he could’ve spent keeping Eun company between her morning lessons.

You apologised the second you entered his apartment instead, thankful for the invitation to tea, yet harbouring guilt for wasting his time. But Taehyung proved incredibly kind, waving off your concerns immediately.

He asked, playfully offended, “So you’re saying a tea party with me is a waste of time?” And then he laughed, immediately shaking his head, “Nah. It’s fine. Am glad someone finally prefers tea over coffee, too.”

So now you’re here.

“Yeah, just a check up,” Taehyung answers, “vamps drew my blood and will tell me today if it’s good or not.”

“Interesting way to refer to doctors,” you admit, backing away when he leads you to the exit. You need to be at work in forty minutes tops. “Good then.”

He hands you your blazer, silent for a moment before he says, “Talking about feeling unwell.” You look up, arm halfway through the blazer’s sleeve. “What were you doing getting shitfaced like that?”

“Uhm…”

Word travels fast. Your cheeks heat up, fingers curling into fists. You smack your lips, letting out a tiny laugh, and ask, “Eun told you, huh?”

“Mhm. Scolded her for taking you to the bar and leaving you alone.”

You sigh.

You should’ve guessed that she’d tattle. And of course you might appear like the helpless, heartbroken girl, seeking comfort in alcohol, dark clubs and blue neon lights. It’s a little embarrassing, actually.

“Kook was there, though,” you defend.

“I know. I called when he was still at your place.”

Huh? What else did he do when you were asleep? Painted a Louvre-ripe masterpiece, probably.

Taehyung decodes the dozen questions in your stare, tumbling until his back leans against the wall. He explains, “We just talked for a sec. He sounded worried, so I didn’t prod too much. Just don’t do these things anymore, okay?”

Huh…

You can imagine it well. Partly because you remember the way he looked at you that night: distressed beyond belief, giving you soft orders, insisting on help everywhere — the car, the shower, the bed.

But also because you know him.

And you don’t think you needed to see him in those very moments to know he must’ve brushed through his silky hair. Must’ve looked through your room, gaze stopping over your sleeping figure.

Voice strained on the phone, yawning, shaking his head because he must have been a little mad at you, but comforted that you were resting, too.

You remember the tone of his voice, soft as a piano tune but saddened nonetheless.

”What did you drink? You’re… in such a bad state.”

You shake the words off. God, he was there for you more than you’ll ever know.

You say, “That’s nice, though, Tae… I didn’t think you’d ever get so worried about me.”

“Hey. You’re still my friend,” he promises.

He’s possibly been the only person throughout this entire ordeal to not be pissed at you or annoyed by you. You never doubted that he still liked you.

“I might not know you inside out like Eun or Jungkook do, but you’re part of this group. So naturally, you’re important, too.”

You push your hands into the pockets of the blazer, gripping the car keys inside. Bashfully, you smile. His sincerity pumps warmth through you; it’s crazy how good belonging somewhere, to someone, can actually feel.

It’s refreshing. New. 

“Wow,” you murmur, shuffling your feet, “thank you.”

“You’re glowing, you know. That’s nice.”

“Am I?”

He nods. “I can’t wait to see him glow either. A couple weeks were a couple too long.”

Those couple weeks felt like someone ripped out the hands of time, keeping them from moving. Your brain aged faster in that time, deep in a bottomless abyss. You don’t want to experience it again.

And you don’t want to imagine Jungkook in the same pit again. Looking for you, but bumping against walls, painted with his past that made him stumble back instead of pulling him forwards.

Your eyes trail down the hallway, looking at the small paintings and decorations on the wall. You take in the furniture, inhale the pleasant colours. Imagine his living room in its entirety, the sunlight seeping through the windows. Curtains pushed aside.

Your apartment could be like this, too.

But.

“Tae,” you begin. You wrap your fingers around your rattling car key; lick your lips. “Do you think I’d like it here?”

“Hmmm,” he voices, gazing down as if he could look past the parquet floor and to where your potential apartment stands nearly empty. “Yeah. I mean, I like to think so, because I’m very happy here.”

He stops abruptly, the tone of the last syllable not matching a sentence’s end. You wait as he smiles a little, creating a thought, “But you could be happy somewhere else, too. Happier even.”

His words hang in the air, a sense of both possibility and uncertainty tangible. You were wanting to venture into this new chapter of your life with hope, but also with trepidation.

Suburban areas are nice, but you opted for the heart of the city — the vibrant tapestry of dreams and opportunities. You didn’t expect the journey to be fraught with sudden doubts.

The best thing, however, is that doubts and dilemmas never seemed this… tempting.

You tell him, “There’s always a place that makes people happier, for everyone.”

“Yeah,” he said, voice tinged with wisdom. “Only, some people already know of it, and some keep searching for it.”

“And I am—”

You pause, anticipating for him to finish the sentence; he responds, “You gotta know.” There’s a playful twinkle in his eyes, support and acknowledgment hiding right behind — matching his words, “I’d be bummed if you didn’t become my neighbour, but. Also just happy you guys are happy.”

Too kind for this world.

In your endearment, you laugh, suddenly stepping forward for a brief, thankful hug. A silent gesture of gratitude for his friendship, no matter how shallow or new.

The people you surround yourself with offer endless reassurance, and you’re lacking the words to express your appreciation.

“Thank you, Tae. Eun’s right when she praises your constant respect for other people, you know?”

Taehyung, maybe a little perplexed, brings a hand to your back, patting gently as he states, “No worries. The worst is over.”

You hope so. God, you genuinely hope so.

You pull back, tucking your hair behind your ear and bid him goodbye with one last nod. Taehyung closes the door behind you with a humorous thumbs up, and you grin before it’s silent in the hallway again.

There’s a tiny window outside, overlooking the street down there and the cars flitting by. The area isn’t as peaceful as Jungkook’s — more lively and noisy. You can see the city’s river if you look far enough.

And as you step closer to the glass, you envision your own apartment again. You imagine the soft glow of the lamp before you go to sleep. The comfortable couch you want to plant in the back of the living room, curling up with work or your laptop or a cup of hot chocolate.

You picture the view of the city as you step to your open window, glancing out as the steam of your beverage swirls in the evening air. Contemplating the world outside.

But then you start rethinking Jungkook’s words, too. The idea of belonging and happiness, of domesticity and what could be.

And at last, you visualise what it’d be like if you didn’t see any of this — the lively street, the river in the distance. Wonder how you’d feel if the horizon looked different.

If you stared out and saw a different canvas instead.

The changes in your life are drastic in some way, but Jungkook always stays the same.

Your house lies quiet most of the time; as days pass, you frequent your room, then drop by in the living room, greeting the staff, grabbing dinner and retracting back to your beloved bed.

Jungkook’s apartment, baby-sized compared to your place, allows a much livelier atmosphere. Maybe because you don’t need to yell for him to hear you from another room. Or maybe because it’s just the two of you.

Perhaps even because you find solace in the couch, in the smaller smart TV in front of it, the glass table, the carpet, the homely furniture in general. The scent reminds you of wood, but you connect it with him, too.

It’s different from the room you grew up in. Different from the luxurious chimney and marble you’ve seen all your life.  And you must admit that you enjoy it a lot more, too.

One of the few reasons why your mood changes from exhausted to merry the moment you knock at his door on Thursday. He was expecting you, because when he opens, he beckons you inside immediately, pulling you in and planting a generous kiss on your cheek.

A smooching sound accompanies it, his foot closing the door as he suggests, “Dinner first or TV?”

“Shoes.” You laugh. You slip out of your thin jacket before tackling your snickers quickly, your clothes suddenly itchy and uncomfortable. “Shoes first, and then shower? Can I?”

“Yeah, of course.”

It’s not the first time that you’d be doing it. But there’s still something new and pure about this new chapter of your life; one that comes with polite questions and reinventing reality, apparently.

Redrafting life as you knew it and striving towards something better.

“I knew it, actually,” he says, forefinger wiggling, “I put a fresh towel on the washing machine. Also had a handful of your shirts here, so there’s one of those on the towel, too. And my joggers… Sorry, you left none of those, uhm—”

He’s started walking ahead, scratching behind his ear, but when he notices you not following, he looks over his shoulder. Blinks at you, staring into his living room and back, innocent voice unsure, “Come?”

“Yeah. Yeah, just— you didn’t have t—”

“I know,” he interrupts, breathing a sigh in faux frustration, “I know I never have to. But I figured you’d wanna shower.”

“…Thank you, Kook.”

You wish you could say more; express your gratitude the way you want to. At least your body is jubilating, craving the hot steam of the shower. Starving further for some peace when you step into the bathroom and detect the neatly placed clothing.

Jungkook halts at the door, gripping its frame, a little shy as if you didn’t breathe each other in for the last couple of weeks and months. He’s looking at you, waiting for something, and when you raise an eyebrow in curiosity, he snaps out of whatever daydream he was in.

“Oh. Right,” he mumbles, cheeks flushed, “sorry. I’ll leave. Can heat up the food. Or, or do you wanna order in?”

“Anything’s fine.” He nods. Opts to walk away, big hand flattening his hair at the back. It takes a moment for your heart to riot as you watch him leave, immediately babbling, “Actually. I was—”

Returning within a moment, he looks alarmed. Less so when you point a thumb to the shower and suggest, “Do you wanna join?”

“You in the shower?”

No, doofus. Join to watch the washing machine unsoil your sweaty clothes.

You clear your throat. “Yeah?”

“I uhm… Is that okay?”

Goddamn. Redrafting life as you knew it, you said.

You just didn’t expect the two of you to still tip-toe around each other. Seems you still have a lot of adjusting to do.

You try to break the ice.

“Acting like I’ve never seen you naked.”

“No, I know,” he responds, “I was just thinking that you…”

You can’t quite decrypt what he’s trying to say, but you do perceive the flash of concern in his eyes. It’s a tiny glimpse, barely there; but you see it. And you think about it.

Try to understand, let moments pass — until you’ve grasped his thinking.

The night he helped you clean up was the last time you stood under a showerhead together; maybe he thinks you’re still connecting it to the night’s trauma or borderline dangerous intoxication. And perhaps you’re wrong.

But you still take a breath, and then segue, “Already took a shower, didn’t you?”

You know he did. He’s addicted to cleanliness, sensitive to scents; he hoards diffusers, skin care products and new underwear like a treasure. And showering is always the first thing he goes for, a beeline to the bathroom after work out sessions and intense summer days.

You follow up with, “It’s okay, if you did. I’ll just go alone and hurry to dinner, then?”

“No, no… No, it’s fine.” He starts his sentence fast, but slows down halfway through, awkwardly. “Of course I can join. What’s some extra refreshment, right?”

“That’s the reason, huh?” you mock, laughing when he shrugs his shoulder. “Keep acting like you’re not the biggest simp around.”

Your confidence boosts his own, too. The signature smile is soft, lips curved gorgeously, but the subtone of his words is teasing, and even a little cocky.

“Of course. I know, I know.”

“Come then.”

You offer a stretched hand, curling your fingers in and outwards, and he places his warm palm into it like a key to a lock. Albeit tense and nervous, your body feels good next to his. The telltale awkward signs of a new relationship don’t deter you from indulging in its sweetness.

So you’re not surprised at how quickly you undress, throwing each other’s clothes at the back of the washing machine and planting kisses whenever one of you bares their shoulder. Eyeing each other from bottom to top.

You think you ogle for a moment too long, though — and how could you not with the freaking silver chain dangling from his neck?

An exciting evening lies ahead, you can already tell.

It’s fresher now outside, and all of Jungkook’s windows are open. Despite the cosiness of the bathroom, you rush under the hot shower stream.

Only, it’s not as boiling as you’d like it to be. Jungkook starts and finishes his showers ice cold, so you screech when you meet water from the Antarctic. You jump on your spot, arms around your torso.

And when you allow yourself one single glance at him amidst the breathlessness, you notice that the asshole is doing it on purpose. Same old. Rouses core memories.

Jungkook wipes over your hair and your face, drenching them thoroughly. You only realise he’s smudged your mascara when he starts rubbing underneath your eyes gently, managing to get some of it off.

“Fuck,” you curse, “I forgot about that. Should I take it off first?”

The intention is to slip out, use one of his cleansing skin products and get the mess out of your face before stepping back to him. But you don’t make it far anyway; he yanks you back before your foot can even touch the mat.

And then, the moment passes in a blur.

Tense body back against his, he tugs you close. Holds both your wrists in front of your breasts, leaning in without a warning, and then — connects his dripping lips with yours.

If there was any space to gasp, you would. Instead, your fingers instantly dig into your hand, sharp nails scarring the skin. You move your fists, trying to touch him, but he holds you in place firmly.

That is, until his digits relax, trailing up your shoulder to your neck, jaw and then to your cheeks. Face in your grip, you let him control the pace. You find an anchor in his bicep, holding on; kissing isn’t enough.

You wish he could eat you up. Wish the tongue finally touching yours, swirling around it, was everywhere on your skin at once.

You feel a slight twitch underneath, right against your body; ready to devour, hopefully soon to explode. But Jungkook gasps for air when his lungs give out, allowing a break, backing away with your face still between his hands.

And then, he utters something surprising — something you didn’t expect in the heat of the moment at all.

“I was meaning to tell you something.”

“…Oh?”

“I’m uh. I’ve been meaning to tell you for days. I just never quite got around to it and we were so busy and tired all the time and—”

“What is it?” you break in, heart pounding at an unnatural speed. “I’m here now, so…?”

For a second, you expect this to take a whole different turn.

The database in your brain empties the moment you scour it for an answer, preparing yourself for molten knees and dissolving hearts. Or maybe, it’s already clarifying to liquid, jumping out of your chest and flowing down the drain along with the water.

But he doesn’t say what you anticipate. Though, what he does admit has your nerves glowing neon white anyway.

“So— the first night of my showcase. On my birthday?” he starts. You feel the muscles of your face change, and he sees it, immediately assuring, “No, no. Don’t worry. I was just gonna say that a guy came to me by the end of it? And—” 

He lets all of it sound like an unsure question. But you think you know where it’s going — you hold your breath under the already suffocating water.

“And?” you prod.

“And turned out Namjoon invited him, and he’s kiiiinda a big shot in the art business? Like, he’s a gallery collector, he said. He’d invest in my art and acquire it and have it showcased in bigger museums for more recogni— I know!”

Your mouth and eyes opened halfway through his quick explanation, fingers back in fists, pressing against his solid chest and then moving up to hook in his silver chain. You’re restless in the congested space, suppressing the high pitched sounds.

He puts his hands on your hips, snickering in joy as he says, “Be careful before you slip.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Thankfully I’m not, angel,” he shakes his head, bangs sticking to his forehead, “not this time, at least.”

You raise a hand to his pec, tapping against it, “Wait. So just so I understood correctly — they’re gonna put up your stuff there for an even bigger audience to see, yeah?”

“I mean, the gallery is definitely far bigger than the exhibition I participated in.”

“Oh my god, Jungkook, the exhibition already had a shit ton of visitors!”

He nods, proving a point.

You feel an electric current in your blood. Pride, that’s what it’s called, too. You sling your arms around his neck recklessly, nearly falling, but you can’t be bothered as you exclaim, “This is so— I don’t even know how to react, Kook!”

And who could convince a big-shot art connoisseur so quickly after graduation anyway? Jungkook’s god given talents are never praised for nothing — you knew it. Fucking knew it.

Won’t make it anywhere, your ass.

“That’s so fucking awesome.” You stare, out of breath all of a sudden. God, if there was a way to express your delight. “When is it happening? Are you selling the one you showcased?”

“I don’t know yet. And no. That’s too… personal to me.” You blink, nodding. Still overwhelmed with how his pieces made you feel — of course they’d hit even harder for the artist himself. “He wants something in a similar style, though. I’ll make something new for him.”

“What’s it gonna be?”

It’s a simple question. You swear it’s nothing too deep.

But Jungkook’s gaze changes. An amused, delighted expression replaces a neutral one, head tilting to the side just a little. His lips, already slightly swollen from the kiss, move up, eyes kind and sugary.

If you only knew how your small details affect him, too. How you looking at him like this, expectant eyes split wide, innocent and gentle, shoots an arrow to his heart.

You just don’t know.

He brushes the hair sticking to your cheek back and tells you, “You’ll see. I’ve been working on it these days, but. Will show it to you when it’s done.”

You can’t even be mad. If it was up to you, you’d probably wait for the big day, too — can’t spoil the surprise, need to cry tears of pride and joy in public.

So all you say, deep from the heart, is, “You’re the fucking coolest person I know.”

“Nah—”

“The coolest.”

“Funny,” he retorts, as bad at compliments as you; throws them back like a boomerang, “thought the same when I met you at the party last year.”

“…Gross.” That’s what you say. But you still shake your head; overwhelmed, smile plastered to your face and cheeks hurting. “God, Kook.”

And that’s all.

You keep holding his stare, finally too tired of the distance to endure any longer — and then lean in. You stop a couple inches away, watch his head angle more, mouth steering towards yours. The smile is mutual, fingers seeking a spot to settle on on each other’s bodies.

Your heart monitor would be wilding right now — the effect of your lips meeting clear as day behind your ribs. And this time, you don’t stop.

The push against his chest is immediate, his feet slowly tumbling backwards. His tongue burns hot against yours, your lower lip fitting perfectly in the gap between his lips. There’s a sharp hiss when his back finally touches the tiles, mouth open but not leaving yours.

Teeth soon clash, and you opt for more of his taste, well aware that you just cannot kiss more than you already are. His hands move up and down, never settling, both your lips harsh and impatient. Your tongues keep moving in patterns, thirst never quenched.

You break the kiss solely for oxygen purposes, but he uses the moment to let his palm wander from your face to your hair, grabbing a patch. One hand pushes against the small of your back, though soon dropping to your ass, fingers between your ass cheeks, teasing the clenching hole.

Fuck.

The moan isn’t intended, but very welcome — you love the sound of it as much as he does, followed by his own. An automatic reaction. His hips indulge in the tiniest movements, length jerking against your body; no more than an inch of his fingertip pushing into your ass.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you breathe, eyebrows furrowing, mewling against the corner of his lips. “More, now, please.”

It’s an attempt. Of course he won’t act that fast — you know him well enough. He’s been a soft gentleman often enough; but after holding back the past few days, missing it for weeks, you know it won't be easy on him either.

One of you will be on the brink of tears soon; until now, it’s usually been you.

You take a deep breath, agitated when he laughs. He retracts his hand, smoothing back his chaotic mane before leaning in for another peck. And that’s all it remains — interrupted immediately, saliva mixing with the shower water.

“I’m so fucking crazy for you,” he confesses; the shiver doesn’t hesitate crawling down your spine — neither does Jungkook, peppering your neck with kisses.

His actions are smooth — you let him do anything. Like, explore every little spot of your skin. From the softness of your face, down to the flesh of your ass, echoing hard when a flat hand slaps it out of nowhere.

You propel forwards, barely aware of your surroundings. The shower raining onto you is the only indicator of where you still are.

So when he turns you carefully, 180 until your back touches the tiles, you don’t realise his intentions for a moment. Only when he changes his approach, digging your shoulders hard into the wall, knocking you out of breath.

“Are you trying to—” you ask, but he interjects right away.

“Don’t question it this time, okay?” His face inches close again, teeth suddenly pulling and nibbling at your lip. “Just let us do. Lemme do, yeah?”

His chest presses against your tits before he backs away and palms your mounds, squeezing nearly painfully.

For only a heartbeat, though — he doesn’t stall further. Because another second passes before you’re turned in his grip, chest not touching his anymore, but the wall now. From behind you, he grasps your hips, dragging you back just a couple inches; enough to sneak his hand through.

“But whenever things get too much, you…”

You nod. Promise, “Will tell you. I will.”

“Good.” His cock pokes between your ass, and he spreads its cheeks. Lets the hardness rest between them, sliding up and down. “Gonna make you feel so good, though. Wanna make you feel so fucking good.”

Wow… wow, f—

Not that you were ever interested in it before, but…

Part of you wants him to shove it in anywhere. Wherever the fuck he wants. You’d endure all hour-long foreplay and pleas and tears for him.

And perhaps he’s thinking the same. Perhaps you even spoke it out loud — you wouldn’t be surprised if you did. But you choke on your spit when he says, “Missing the sex toys. Like… What do you think of new ones, hm? Someday, maybe. Like— like an anal pl—”

“Please,” you beg, “I’ll do fucking anything for you.”

Break in conversation. Then, “Holy shit.” He chuckles. Fuck — his voice is deeper now, isn’t it? “You’re being whiny. I thought you’re a badass business woman, but you’re so whiny.”

“Because— I can breathe when I work.”

“Ohh. And now,” he whispers, close to your ear, hand moving. Up and further up, stopping around your throat, as if he’s testing your statement. As if he could tell him anything about the state of your lungs. “Now we’re not as focused, right?”

“No thinking when I suck your dick.”

“Dammit. Really don’t wanna wait to fuck you numb.”

You’re shamelessly jittery, patience out the window. “Don’t then. Get to it now.”

“Nope. I know you’re not ready yet. And I’m not either… so—”

He steps closer, forcing your body further forward until your cheek is squished against the wall. His fingers leave your throat to find another target; something far more south, a lot more dangerous.

One small circle drawn around your clit, you gasp, hearing him ask, “You think you can come with just my fingers?”

“I don’t know. I honestly think I need—”

He chuckles, and you can’t help but laugh, too. You’re hilarious sometimes.

“You think you’re so smart. But we can still try, though.” He says it casually, as if the two of you don’t exactly know that he’s perfectly capable of pulling through. But his voice still softens when you don’t answer, “Hey. You wanna try, sweetheart?”

“Yes. Anything,” you convince him, “anything, Kook.”

“Good girl. The best, always.”

His touch vanishes. You let out a mildly confused sound, observing with an unfocused vision how he opens the shower door a little. He reaches for the towel on the washing machine, drying his fingers, other hand moving the shower head until it’s mostly wetting his own back.

It’s a tiny detail, really. You only told him once how action around the clit might become uncomfortable with hands priorly washed or wet, and it seems he remembered.

Your eyes shut when he returns to your bundle of nerves, massaging gently, skilled. It starts slow at first; you feel the hot wetness build in and around your entrance, the line between the shower water and your arousal fading.

Jungkook’s movements, calculated and systematic, only spur your body on. He’s always known what he’s doing; has analysed and explored what you want. How you want it.

It’s true heaven to you: the way he kisses your cheek. The way he draws moans out of you, the motions around your swollen bud rhythmic. Your back and limbs tingle; you don’t know what to do with yourself.

And when you can’t stand still anymore, Jungkook orders, “Stop that. You’ll break my jaw.”

“Sorry.”

Your apology is timid, tiny; he laughs. “You cutie… you’re adorable even in moments like these.”

You throw your head against his shoulder as if to oppose him, opening your eyes, looking straight into his eyes. Your eyebrows are kissing, tension between them, mouth agape.

And he adds, “Or maybe not.”

He lifts you up a bit, dragging your body along the wall — you didn’t even notice that you slid down this much, angled, ass darting out like this. But you also don’t mind the arm that rounds your torso, just underneath your tits, keeping you steady when he takes it up a notch and—

“Oh my god,” you squeak when he pushes two fingers in. “Yes, yes, please—”

The incoherent, random requests are his favourite. Most of the time, he knows better than you what you’re pleading for. Which is why he doesn’t stop this time; probably more in the mood to please you than tease you.

From this position, he can’t reach knuckles deep, but just enough to brush the walnutty spot inside. And to your surprise, the orgasm builds up fast; the first quiver takes over your knees, but you understand that this is nothing compared to what’s to come.

You press your hands to the wall, holding onto remnants of your sanity when he kisses your neck, and along your damp shoulders. His mouth is hot against your pulse, wet hair tickling under your jaw. He bites lightly; soothes the fleeting sting with his tongue. Vampiristic.

Like a sensual massage, well thought out, pornographic.

And then he picks up on pace. Whispers, “That’s right— we got this—”

He starts pumping into you; relishes your incomprehensible curses. The thumb over your clit and the impatience of his fingers inside are a dichotomy, and you don’t know what to focus on. Which is why you stop thinking altogether.

Jungkook takes a sharp breath, quiet whistling sounds included, and then groans into your ear when you do. He keeps his motions up diligently, fingers a bit deeper with each time your ass moves back an inch.

As an aid, he shifts his arm, too, pushing forward, palm pressing against your clit now.

And when you come, you melt. Nearly collapsing, you keep moving, on edge, every spot of your body in tremor. You can barely breathe; you’ve been nestled in the heat of the shower for way too long.

He notices your tremble in an instant, encourages, “Got it. Got you. Keep going, baby, c’mon.”

The peak is blissful; you don’t want to ever fall off the edge again. Want to remain in this starry, gorgeous ache. Your eyes could stay in the back of your head; the world may keep fading. And you don’t need to know where you are.

All you know is that your voice sounds odd, high when you pant, “Don’t go away yet.”

“I’m right here. Right here, got you,” he repeats, holding you upright.

Jungkook knows — knows how to get you from lowest lows to your highest highs. Today was as pleasant as a day at work can be; but if he’s ready to do all this to you on any other, worse day, too, you might never encounter grief again.

He scatters kisses all over your jaw when you’re done — busies himself as you catch your breath, swallowing, eyes closed. Once you’ve caught yourself enough to utter fragments of sentences at least, you tell him, “Something not human about you, Jeon.”

“Oh. Are we back to surnames now?” He cackles, soothing motions along your arms. “Are we gonna shake hands, too, once we’re done? Bow and say thank you?”

You shake your head, though the stupid smile doesn’t wait to spread on your face.

“You’re dumb,” you say.

“You make me dumb.”

He drops his touch, brushing your pussy again — maybe as a test. But you’re sensitive and vulnerable, closing your legs and opening your mouth in response. He’s sly; uses the moment to push two fingers in right away, pressing your tongue down.

And you, as challenge-accepting as ever, start sucking, tasting some of yourself. You wrap your hand around his, moving your head, chest still heaving from the exhaustion. Your eyes close slowly enough for him to see them roll back, a reaction to the images your brain creates.

Like, the thought of the member currently poking you replacing those digits. The prospect of emptying him entirely.

“Fuuuuck— wish my brain could take a picture of this and save it forever,” he says, voice strained.

You open your mouth, licking a strip along his finger, past the tattoo. “What’d you do with it?”

“Would… would bring it to the forefront of my mind,” Jungkook begins, reclaiming his hand and dragging it down to your waist, “and use it whenever you’re away.”

“Hmmm… and then?”

“Would just…”

He doesn’t continue. Only shakes his head, lifting his shoulders, stance desperate and wanting; maybe he’s even a little out of his mind.

You egg him on, “Show me if you can’t say it.”

It’s a surprise that he obliges, but then again, it’s not. You always forget just how weak he is — that his heart sits right there in your palms, his body a magnet to yours.

So you’re endlessly pleased when your eyes flit down to a hand around his dick. Stroking slowly, its head hard against your pelvis. And you manage to watch a tiny second longer until the floor beckons you towards it, down to your knees.

It’s uncomfortable immediately; slick and odd. But you’re distracted by your dry tongue, thirsting, ridiculously hypnotised by the cock dangling in front of you. And then his thighs… muscular and thick. You reach out to them, holding them, steering forwards.

Despite his delicate frailty, you don’t fare any better. Ready to bruise your knees like an obedient doll, eyes wide when you look up at him. You grip him softly, urging him to remove his hand, stroking in his stead.

You pass all pleasantries and hesitations, and dive in immediately — leading your mouth to the tip before wrapping your lips around it delicately. Determined, you let only a second pass, eager as you start moving right away.

Bobbing your head, you take him in as much as your gag reflex allows. He’s too big — it’s impossible to ever swallow him fully. But no matter how greedy you are, that’s it.

You don’t give into it all the way just yet.

Instead, you back away after another lick. Straighten your body, drawing in and repositioning until you can push your tits together around the stiffness.

His groan tumbles out of him broken, choked, a hand against the wall. His abs are rippling, bicep bulged, nipples tiny and perked. Dark brown. Eyes hazy.

You want to do so many fucking things to him — want to mount him. Pull his head back by his long strands. Want, need to kiss him, rub yourself on him, back and forth along his cock until his moans become uncontrolled. Sticky white cum sprayed over his tummy.

Your nails in your skin, yearning for more — that’s one of your billion thoughts.

Instead, you summarise your wants, whispering a single, simple, fucked out, “I…” You gulp down the knot. Shiver at your position, craving the hot water a little now. Then command, “Fuck my mouth.”

His eyes threaten to fall out of his head; like they always do. He knows it’s a constant reaction, too, it seems, because “God. I’ll never get used to you saying this.”

“You better, though.”

“Right. Right…”

He caresses your face, pushes your hair back. Perhaps he’s had enough of the pace; because he soon reaches for your arms, compliant deer kicked out of his head as he forces your wrists up and crosses them against the wall.

One hand is all he needs to hold them in their place. One hand gripping them hard, disabling any movement of your arms.

You let out a strange, obscene sound, finding utter liking in this gesture.

But despite your pleasure, he still eases you into the process, the heart tattoo grazing your cheek. A touch so soft that you think he’s praising you, wordlessly and gently. Making sure you’re absolutely okay with whatever he does to you.

And you confirm it with another blink, stretching out your tongue, ready. Holding his gaze. Mesmerised and frustrated, he says, “You’ll kill me with the way you look at me.”

Jungkook fuels your confidence with vigour each time, eloquent through scorching heat, too. Because you don’t think you’ve ever smiled this self-assured before you knew him; or been certain about your power over others.

You used to be far more insecure than that, feigning ignorance and carelessness, but reevaluating your decisions every step of the way. Months ago, you could’ve never predicted such a shift in conviction towards yourself.

So it’s new to you, but invigorating at the same time, the grin you sport, the words you utter, “Killing you isn’t my intention,” when he doesn’t, you move your head towards the leaking head of his cock, awaiting destruction, “wanna make you feel more alive than ever.”

The breath tumbling out of his mouth is ragged, pinky finger twitching a tiny bit when you wrap your lips around the tip and then let it go with a plop again; like it’s a lollipop to you.

Your knees move closer to his feet, and he stretches his one hand to your shoulder, making sure you don’t get hurt on the slippery ground. But you’re far too distracted to appreciate the gesture just yet, even though you feel the faint tickling along your limbs.

“I got it,” Jungkook then says, back in charge, hands back on the protruding, thick veins.

He moves his hips forward, testing. You roll out your tongue once more, closing your eyes. Try to make more room in your mouth, despite knowing it’s a thing of impossibility. And to your chagrin, it takes only a few more seconds for you to be full already.

Taking in as much as your throat allows, you gag when you reach your limit, letting out a tiny cough, salivating. You still can’t move your arms; his fingers are like chains around your wrists.

“That enough?” he asks. “I’ll stop here, okay?”

You nod. Wait. When he doesn’t move, you start pulling back, and then push forward again immediately. Your tongue is drenched in absolute filth; the spit trails down your chin, and you wish it was his.

But that’s not the point of it all — you’re not supposed to comfortably bop your head back and forth, are you? Despite the daily softness between the two of you, you want to be used. Want all his greed.

And he knows. Asks, “What do you need?”

Of course you can’t speak. He’s aware of that; stares down at you as you breathe heavily around him, mouth stuffed to the brim. Cheeks aching from the circumference.

You moan around him, parting your lips, moving your tongue from under his dick to swirl it around it a little. You move back, tasting the liquid minimally dripping out of his slit. Fuck, you want all of it, in thick, sickening ropes, in loads and buckets.

“Won’t even back away to speak,” he teases, words contradictory, because he won’t allow you to take a break either. Shoves himself inside again; you’re embarrassed that you only manage half of his length. “The dedication is hotter than it should be—”

Full, coherent sentences. How?

But even his string of thought breaks when he starts in earnest. Filling up your mouth once more, as much as he can and then a bit more for good measure. You adjust to his movements, suck down immediately.

You don’t care about the loss of voice later; you want to eat him up entirely.

His strokes grow harder by the second, rock hard inside you. You move your head until the head pokes against the inside of your cheek, and the tight wetness affects him, his knees buckling by one single inch.

“Easy…” he whispers, shaking his head, water drops landing on your face. “Fuck. Wanna have you hanging off the bed one day. Wanna see my cock ram your throat…”

Easy, he said. He’s definitely not being easy on you, though. Not with these admissions. Not with his motions.

The thrusts aren’t just hard, but deliberate and controlled, too. Your head keeps pushing back, lightly touching the wall. You’re far over sucking his dick, way too obedient and submissive to define it like that.

No, you’re being fucked. Gagging and choking around him, sucking in the spit whenever only his tip remains inside, sounds lewd and specific. Coming from the back of your throat, wet, hot and bothered.

God, you wish you were strong enough to take him all the way down to the base, licking at his balls, feeling his twitching dick thumping at the very far back. But you guess this is more than enough for him, too.

Because he holds your wrists harder, a rope around them, digging into your skin. The free hand wipes your hair away again, your body sweat-soaked while the shower water still trickles down his back.

He holds you there; then reaches for your nipple; pinches it hard over your heavily heaving chest, pleased when you open your eyes and look up at him. Waterline damp — the dangling chain might just be one of the reasons for that.

“Bit more,” he mumbles, and you think he’ll surrender right there, inside your mouth.

Which is why you sit up straighter, more determined, licking at the underside of his cock when he drags it out a little. His balls hang in your face and you reach for them, tongueing, hungry, not wanting him to move away now.

He doesn’t. Not yet. Relief courses through you, swallowing around his thickness again. Rolling your eyes back, hearing subtle “Doing well, so well, angel”s, ignoring the pain in your arms as he holds them upright.

You hollow your cheeks when he buries himself in deep, struggling when he stops right there. He doesn’t move; your eyes well up harder. All air enters and escapes through your nose, and you’re shaking, holding his stare as he keeps his cock in place, absolutely still.

That is, until you can barely breathe anymore, nails digging into your palms, arms trying to escape. He doesn’t say a word yet, only lets your hands drop. Your shoulders crack a bit, and you shake your arms, filling up your lungs, your palms next to his feet.

His cock is covered in your spit when you look again; your gaping mouth and chin similarly drenched.

And only when your head stops spinning, does he hold his hands towards you, urging you to take them as he says, “Sorry, baby. You did so well, I…”

You grip his fingers feebly, getting up on weak knees. Instead of holding onto your hands, he soon wraps an arm around your body, pulling you up before he asks, “Less next time?”

“No,” the word comes out as a squeak, throat already affected, “I’ll always tap if I feel it’s too much. I promi— promise.”

“Good,” he praises, a kiss to your damp forehead. He turns the water off. “That’s all I want, baby. Look at me.”

You’re already exhausted, staring down, fatigue fuelled by the hot water. Your eyes flutter open as you meet his gaze, and he puts a hand to your cheek, thumb on your swollen lower lip.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he compliments; his hand must be heating up under your touch, “did you know? So sweet and stunning. It makes me sick.”

“Thought I was the only one. You…” He looks at you, and you hold him tight, smiling about your joke in advance. “You have such an effect on me, it makes me wanna throw up.”

Right. So in love, it makes your stomach turn.

“Please don’t,” he pleads, conjuring a tender eye smile. The wide grin is unreal. “And let’s get out of here. We can’t keep standing here.”

“Waste of water.”

“Yes, waste of water. That, too. And I should have some lube in the bedroom.”

Of course he’s as impatient as you — although you’re almost a hundred percent sure you could do without that stuff easily. The insides of your thighs are slippery, and you’re certain the shower wasn’t the sole reason for that.

Your legs feel weird, your body heavy when you finally get out. The cosy bathroom is filled with steam and heat, but at least you can breathe easier here than under the piping hot water.

The mirror is fogged up; you glance into it to check your state, but recognise nothing but your vague form. You wipe a stripe the size of your hand along it as you walk past, halting at the door. And when you look back, Jungkook is making quick, brief work on picking up the clothes you haphazardly threw to the side before.

“You don’t wanna do this later?” you ask, still fond.

It’s just him cleaning up the floor, but… you enjoy watching him do mundane things. You might never be able to explain why, but you do.

“Just throwing them into the washing machine. Will turn it on later,” he answers.

He straightens his body with a sigh when he’s done, sniffling as he usually does. His eyes are hidden behind his long hair, so he lifts both his hands to brush the soaked tresses back. The muscles of his arms are mountainous and firm. Tattoos ending at his shoulder.

He’s indescribably pretty like that. Looking up, lips parted, jaw chiselled.

You observe him for a bit longer, gaze trailing down his body. Small nipples, broad and sculpted pecs, six painfully visible rectangles of abs. Cock still mostly awake.

Fuck.

Crossing your legs, you bite your lips, one hand on the door handle. You take in the domesticity. The moment might be subtle and casual, but something about it is incredibly homely.

How you speak to each other, and how his washing machine is cleaning both your clothes. It’s the little things, isn’t it?

Your eyes are fond when you say, “Whenever it does happen… I can already imagine all of it clearly.”

“Hm?” He blinks at you. “All of what, baby?”

“Of being here with you. All the time.” His motions stop. He drops his arms, a strand falling back into his face, but he doesn’t care. Glances at you for a couple seconds until you smile and nod towards the door. “Let’s go.”

But it seems he changed his mind in this split second that you turn to the exit.

Because all of a sudden, just as he did before, he tugs you back. And just like before, you land against the wall, having him staring at you as if he’s seeing you for the first time. His voice is a whisper, enchanting, “Okay… you know what. Forget it.”

“Huh?”

“Fuck lube, okay?” His eyes are glued to your lips. Then to your pupils. He looks lost. “We can manage. Don’t need the bedroom… just you. Want you right now.”

“Jungko—”

You don’t anticipate it — so it draws a small moan out of you when his fingers suddenly graze between your legs, digging in for just a moment. Fingering you for a split second as you gasp — and then they disappear again.

He moves in to kiss your cheek. Just a peck first. Then his lips open against your neck, hand moving up your body and pushing your tit up. His tongue soon joins the fun, darting through his parted lips, sucking your tits hard. Biting, groaning, moaning.

“Jungkook.” You push your touch through his hair as he kisses his way further down, nibbling at your sides, and you whine, “Don’t wanna wait, Kook…”

His eyes are closed and his voice hushed, raspy and deep as he says between kisses, “I’ll be gone for a moment, baby. You’ll barely notice, I promise.”

Strange how he means distanced from your kiss, not from your body. Strange how you miss each other while in the same room, but not melted into each other.

You’re losing your mind. Throwing your head back, ruining your hair against the tiles. Eyes droopy and hazy, mind turning in various directions as you relish each touch and peck. Your body relaxes; all the weight of the world off your shoulders.

Jungkook fondles your body, caresses all of you, planting kisses on your tummy, your waist, your pelvis. Continues to tug at the flesh of your thighs with his lips. It feels like a massage, not painful but gentle. Careful as he hoists up one of your legs, throwing it over his shoulder. 

And then… he starts.

His tongue flashes out to your clit. Parts your folds. It’s difficult from this position, but his pointy wet muscle paints patterns over your pussy. And you reel.

Jungkook truly is an artist. Knows to make you mewl, turns your breaths laboured. You move your hips, guiding his face closer with your hand in his hair, slowly riding it. The French kisses, the brush against your thighs… he’s…

God.

“God,” you echo, “I love this, I—”

He’s feasting. Letting out alluring sounds, spurring you on, and you almost topple over the edge. But Jungkook knows what he’s doing — leaves you yearning, moving away and up to you.

When he said he’d be gone for a moment, he truly meant it.

Your lip quivers when he looks at you, ordering a soft, “You’ll come together with me.” He raises your chin. “Okay? You and I together. Always.”

Must be a hidden message. He’s not just talking about sex anymore, is he? But him and you in one bubble, separated from the world. Nothing but you, you and you.

You barely wait another second. Instead, you immediately lurch forwards, initiating a kiss beyond sinful from the start. Teeth clashing, tongues feral. For a couple seconds you breathe into each other, letting out odd noises, his hand pulling your leg back up again and pinning it against the wall.

You’re on your tippy toes when his cock teases your entrance, his lips soon on your shoulder again. Cold chain brushing your skin. He’s sucking harshly, guiding his dick inside with determination. Sheer impatience is palpable in his touch and audible in his sounds.

The head of his dick parts your folds, diving in; and you let out a moan so lustful that he grows downright desperate against your shoulder. Standing here like this is hard, too; so he puts his palms on your ass, commands—

“Jump once.”

“What?”

“Jump,” he repeats, “I’ll hold you. Want you, please.”

“Okay…” you mumble. You put your hands on his broad shoulder, readying yourself, “Okay.”

And then you do — immediately wrapping your legs around him. And he lets you fall slowly, body pressed against yours, so you’re sandwiched between him and the wall; so he can guide his hardness back to your cunt.

You drop onto it slowly, carefully. Impaling yourself on him, inch by inch penetrating your insides. The more you take in, the deeper the crease between your eyebrows. And when he’s bottomed out, you feel like… yourself again?

Because what moment is more intimate than this? What moment allows you to crawl out of your shell more than this?

Even if in a crude sense, this is yet another definition of home. And every definition can be traced back to him.

“You feeling alright?” he asks, and you nod immediately.

“Is a bit weird, but…” you hold onto him, one hand moving to his face. You don’t finish your sentence; only nod, exhaling against his lips.

“Can I start?”

Another nod; and then he starts pumping in. Slowly in and out; you’re firmly in place against the wall, slipping just a little. His hands engulf your ass again — his strength is mind-numbing, and his sounds loud as he splits you in two.

Your eyes shut for a mini moment, and when they crack open again, they’re met with the still mirror. It’s fogging up again, yet still clear enough to make out Jungkook’s back; the form of his body. Your thoughts tangle up.

You’ve seen him shirtless a million times before, fully bare — but it might be the first time you’re enjoying this very perspective. And the entirety of him… leaves you gasping. Butt naked, ass muscles flexing, the triangle shaped back smooth. Where do his guts even fit?

They’re a blessing, those reflections, catching the way he’s standing, ramming into you. And then you, burying your nails into his shoulder blades, expression fucked out, body moving up and down the wall. Having things done to you by him.

You’re so fucking lucky.

You mutter, “Kook…”

“Yes, baby.”

“You look so good… so…”

“Mmmh, you do, too,” the sentence starts in a clear tone, but morphs into a whisper, “just… can’t see enough of you… shit, babe—”

He leans in, parting your lips with his, your tongues touching as he delivers a rough jab just once. And that’s when things stop working for you.

Because soon enough, you’re swaying to the side, nearly falling; as his protective instincts kick in, immediately holding you, his cock jumps out. And he shakes his head, pecking your temple once, and then deducts, “Okay. This won’t do.”

“Hmmm,” you hum in agreement, weak on your legs, “bad idea for sure.”

“Hold up.”

He’s quick to turn you around, thoroughly in charge of your body tonight — you’re fully under his mercy. Ready to kneel and bend for him. And Jungkook, understanding your boundaries, gives you all you need — knows what to do, knows when to stop.

And you keep handing over control; more so when he pushes you over the sink, stating, “Okay. Looks easier.” A pause. “Looks so much fucking better, too.”

Wish you could see. Fuck, fuck, fuck, you’re tense.

He leans down to kiss your back. His dick pokes between your ass cheeks again, slipping down and further down until it makes itself home between your nether lips again.

It falls into it in one fell swoop, swiftly, as if it’s no effort at all — guess it never is.

And god, does the position feel heavenly.

Balls deep inside; the first angle that allows full unhinged, animalistic mode.

But he still starts out slow; with long strokes and a hand in your hair. You tumble backwards a little, urging him to move too, lifting your ass higher and pushing your legs together for maximal effect.

Allowing more tightness for him; more friction for you.

“I… missed fucking you so much,” he says between thrusts. “You feel unreal.”

You guess you do. He does, too. Maybe the two of you need a reminder that this is all too real; perhaps a tantalising equivalent to a wake-up-pinch.

So you suggest, “Fuck me harder, Kook.”

“Hmm… want that?”

“Been waiting so fucking long.”

And while a lover of patience and anticipation — who is he to reject your wishes after the entire ordeal occurring in this room? The two of you have dragged out this moment plenty.

So he listens fast; soon using your neck as leverage as his inked fingers wrap it smoothly. Agreeing, “It’d be my literal pleasure, babe.”

God, he’s a dumbass — but you can’t physically react. Too caught up in something else; storing the laughter and jokes for later.

Because he picks up on pace, not too much right away; but enough for his hips to slap against your ass. Enough for you to be catapulted forwards with a whine, cheek pressing to the glass.

You lift your hand, accidentally wiping again, but only manage a trail, hand sliding down. From behind, you hear a hoarse praise, “Looks so fucking hot,” he draws a sharp breath, nearly hissing, “I promise I’ll be careful, just…”

He pulls at your hair. Shoves his cock inside rougher, face closer to you, lips to your cheek. Swallows hard enough for you to hear, and then, “Tell me if it’s too much. Am careful until I can’t be, baby.”

Until he loses control. He says it right before he drops all inhibitions and — goes feral.

You squint your eyes shut, calling out his name; the word echoes in the small room, and for just a second, you worry the neighbours might hear. And then right away, you stop caring again.

Because you want this man. Now and later and forever; want him like this, want him in any way. This isn’t just sex to you — if that’s what you wanted, you’d download an app like your freshman self used to.

No.

No matter how obscene, there’s meaning in every one of your touches; in every stroke, in every word, in every single time you lose yourself in him.

Your stomach twists as he jackhammers into you; you’re craving proximity, craving all his attention. Want all of his emotions and touches raw and merciless. Want to see him.

Although, when your shut eyes open, you only see blurry forms in the mirror moving, him behind you. He squeezes your neck; you see that much before he slides it down your body, straight to your clit, no detours.

He pushes his knee up for a second, touching the edge of the sink and balancing on one leg, but drops it again soon. The white painted, stainless steel of the sink, previously cold on your tummy, burns against your skin now. A chafing feeling.

Jungkook draws more forms against your clit, but then retracts his hand; instead, squishing your tits, indecisive where to touch. But it’s the last move he makes before he straightens his body, palms on your ass until he spanks just once and…

Pulls out again.

What?

“Look at me, sweetheart,” you register.

You pant, fingers clutching the sink and gulping down the tiredness before you manage a turn. Your eyes land on his dick first; it’s fully drenched in your arousal, so unbreakably stiff.

He whispers again, “Look at me,” but the moment you do, he doesn’t withhold your stare for too long. Instead, his hands are back on your cheeks, drawing you close, seeking your lips. His never-satisfied thirst matches yours; you want to remain here and freeze time.

With your arms around his neck, he guides you towards the washing machine, pushing the clothes further aside. He helps you get on it, but you argue immediately, “This could be dangerous, right? Shouldn’t sit here, I think… might break…”

“It’ll be okay,” he says, making himself comfortable between your legs, pushing them apart with his thighs. Two fingers hold your chin, lips ghosting over yours. “Is a cheap ass thing… want a new one anyway.”

You wonder if he’ll say that about all the furniture he’ll fuck you on. Because observing his eyes, you know that he will — will soil every inch of his apartment within, what you anticipate, a short period of time.

But unfortunately for the washing machine, you’re too weak to reject the offer.

So you hold him tight, jostling him closer to you as you ask, “Yeah?”

“Mhmmmm.” The word drowns in your moan when his cock glides back in; when will you ever get used to this? “Don’t worry… won’t break as badly as we will.”

Well, fuck.

The ridges of his cock drag just right along your walls, the angle making your mouth water. Your cunt is burning; and he still dares to ask, “Okay like that?”

“More than okay, Kook… more than—”

He always screws you numb; barely ever lets you finish your sentences. Your moans have become a constant interruption, along with the goddamn things he says, “Your pussy is so good. So, so good.”

And then he’s back making out with you, sweatier than before. His body is enticingly warm, muscles working on you. Both his and your hair sticks to the nape of the neck or your back, and you hold onto him, keening against his lips.

Then, you lean back for a second, keyed up as fuck, propping up your body with your arms. Your palms press against the back of the machine, and he inches close to explore the bare skin of your torso. His chain skims your nipples, as if on purpose; and he kisses you here, there, everywhere.

Neck, clavicles, tits, jaw.

Perspiring without an end, all of this could be gross. But instead, you feel hyped up, sexy as never before. Dizzy at the sight of his golden skin, the small beads of sweat spreading on it.

It takes one or two more minutes of this insanity until things come to an eventual end. A glorious end, that is — filled with deep moans, squealed calls of names, unrhythmic thrusts that fasten for the finale.

“I’ll come,” Jungkook states, and you shoot back up to him, holding his head against the mounds of your tits. He kisses between them, breathing irregular, words muffled, “Gonna come so hard, what the f—”

And when he does, you lose all coherent thoughts immediately. Not that you could think before — but his uncontrolled exclaims already make you wish for a whole new round. Nevermind that your pussy is wrecked and beaten.

Vocal as ever, he finishes with deep shoves, slowing down with each second. His lips remain open between your collarbones, and you feel his eyebrows draw together. Thick strings of hot cum filling you up, your cunt tightens.

And somehow, after all this, he still finds the energy to sneak his hand between your bodies, blindly seeking your clit until he finds it. Familiar circles render you breathless, even though they’re lazy — but picking up on intensity when he leans back, still breathing hard.

He looks absolutely done — still fucking the rest of him into you. But you’re moaning and groaning, and he’s far from giving up as he says, “Come with me, baby.”

Honestly, he doesn’t need to tell you. You’re already calling and blurting out random words, already limp. Wrapping your legs around his torso with the tiny remaining energy you have left, absolutely insane.

Jungkook kisses you one last time. And you let the build up in your lower tummy and pussy proceed; up and up and up to the peak — until he delivers one last stroke, cock already softening, finger on your nub diligent and…

You milk his dick in its entirety. Your pussy clenches and unclenches. Random figures swim in your vision, flashy behind your eyelids. Limbs trembling, body a mess and fingers hooking into his chain, you only notice now that you’re repeatedly whispering his name.

Winding and crying. Trying not to tug too hard, to break the jewellery, but still urging him closer, closer.

You’re shivering, surviving the vertigo, breathing stagnant. Trying to control it. Quivering like fucking crazy, not feeling your legs.

Also hating how his cum is dripping onto the damn washing machine. In your hazy mood, you laugh a little.

It takes a bit of time for the two of you to calm down, to dim the adrenaline in your nerves. Your chests rise and fall in unison, still clutching to the embrace. His skin is flushed, yours hot, skin tingling with the lingering heat of the passed passion.

And when he finally moves back, looking at you, you see half a dozen things in there. Satisfaction and vulnerability among them. Maybe even a hint of mischievousness, proud of whatever just happened; happy with the emotions it conjured.

Stars in his eyes. Contentment, composure and affection at last.

A pleasant stillness follows, the world outside the bathroom nonexistent. The aftermath of the steamy encounter lingers until you break the silence after all.

“When the hell,” you start, throat dry, “did you get so broad?”

“…What?”

“You just. You looked endless in the mirror. You’re so—”

Amused, he displays a grin as sly as you adore. He tsks and then mocks, “Stop drooling.”

“You first.”

His chuckle is throaty; a result of the constant exclaims and the absolute dehydration. You give the two of you a moment to collect saliva on your tongue, to swallow and wet your cords.

Your fingers paint an invisible, light pattern on his skin; tracing his tattoos is one of your favourite things to do. You jest, “That’s a good way to destress.”

He arches an eyebrow, then rolls his eyes — but the devotion towards you behind the gesture is irrefutable. It carries into his words, no matter how playfully mocking his tone or his sighs, “Everything for the princess.”

“So,” you pause, lips curling into a soft smile. “Is this what I’m gonna be getting for the rest of my life?”

You see it immediately. The explosion in his eyes; the burst of stars in the depths of his pupils. Clear as the night sky, fond and sweet and magical. Guess you spoke big words for sure.

“…The rest of your life, huh?” he asks.

“No?”

“Is that what you want?”

Ever-the-boomerang, you gauge his reaction, closing the distance between you. Lips barely apart, you throw back again, “Don’t you?”

You don’t need to glance through his ribs, lungs, blood and skin; you see the swelling around his heart. Emotions swimming in it in abundance. You see all of it right in his eyes.

And his voice proves it; delicate and quiet, “Baby… you make my heart drop to my stomach all the time. Do I not look at you like I want a rest of my life with you?”

Gosh. You’re too weak for this.

“Look at me like that more often,” you answer, breathing against him, eyes dancing with delight, “maybe I’ll believe you then.”

“Huh,” he makes, letting out an entertained huff, “brat. Maybe later. Let’s get you cleaned up and dressed for now, alright?”

Right. You forgot you’re still here. Snapping back into reality is always a task.

Of course it is.

Because your world is a cocoon; you don’t want to leave it just yet. And maybe, somewhere in the near future — you won’t have to anyway.

Jungkook and you don’t waste minutes doing formalities tonight. No flickering candle flames; no organised set up of your table. You dim the lights, snatching a lamp from his bedroom and rely on it along with the TV’s brightness.

You filled your plates and stomachs with a dish he’s wanted to show you for a while. It’s some special Jeon recipe — limited to him specifically, not his family. The brief cut in your relationship kept you from the meal, but watching him fiddle with the pots and cutlery was worth the wait after all.

He’s still proud of it; you’re filled to the brim, sick to the core, but the noodle-Buldak-mayo-perilla-oil-combination introduced the night just perfectly.

Your body is limp against his after dinner, bloated. A mutual agreement concluded that watching a movie might be the easiest activity you could indulge in to further destress. So you cuddle up, eyes droopy as you wait for the Netflix logo and thump to subside.

You let the username float by, though unable to suppress your giggle. Your back shakes against him, his hand halting mid-air, remote control in it, and you comment, “Letjungcook7. You’re such a dork.”

“Why?” You look back, met with raised eyebrows and round eyes. “Do you not like it?”

“I love it. Don’t you ever dare change it.”

He tuts, trademark smirk tilted; responds, “And don’t you ever change your Sunny Baudelaire icon.”

“God, she’s an iconic baby,” you groan, enthusiastic; your hands gesture to the TV, Baudelaires nowhere in sight, “I will never shut up about this show.”

“That’s why you’re not allowed to change it. Kinda cute how much you love it.”

“Jungkook,” you tug at his unoccupied arm, placing his wrist and palm over your belly button, “would you ever rewatch it with me?”

His hand rubs gently over your shirt, and then drops until his fingers are toying with your — his — jogger’s strings. “I’m a pro at rewatching. I’m down.”

You whisper a dragged celebratory word, eyes back to the screen. He’s scrolling through the genres fast, barely inhaling the titles and summaries. And when he skips three more of the stuff you’d usually settle on, you say, “Don’t think you’ll find anything on there.”

Ironically enough, he answers, “We’ve barely looked. Look. Knives Out’s second part is on there.”

“I just watched it recently. Hmm, what about that Poe movie with Christian Bale?”

On cue, he passes it three seconds later, only stopping on it for a moment before he voices, “Hmm…”

You wait. Drag out another second. Then conclude, “Okay, you’re not feeling it. Got it. Something else?”

“What about Disney?”

“What about scrolling until we fall asleep?”

The hand still busy with the strings moves up to your sides, pinching you lightly. You flinch, hard enough to nearly break his nose, overdramatic by nature. Amidst your commotion, you hear him say, “Don’t mock me. I’ll kick you from the couch.”

“I’ll just stay on the floor then.”

“Angel, I swear.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry.”

But you’re not.

Because the bicker continues for another ten minutes, remote control snatched every now and then, ideas suggested and immediately rejected.

Jungkook admits his guilty pleasures merely a couple minutes later, and you conjure all your patience and discourse abilities to explain why you can’t watch The Notebook or Titanic anymore.

But once Dion’s soprano voice builds a nest in a lobe of your brain, you give in, half laughing, half agitated as you tackle the 90s classic — only for Jungkook to click out again.

“It’s no fun when we’re not both ready to watch it.”

“Dude…”

More scrolling, you guess.

Five more minutes pass — and eventually, Titanic deserted, you sing the songs of Coco instead. You expect Jungkook’s attention and lips to shift halfway through the movie, tracing down your neck or along your sides – a standard for a weekday movie night.

But to your surprise, he powers through it with minimal dialogue and wide, focused eyes. Palm above your ribs, moveless under your shirt and his cheek pressed against your heartbeat, you assume he’s fallen asleep by the time the credits roll.

Until – you feel warm liquid wetting your shirt, a sniffle combining with his shaky breath before you ask with your own damp eyes, “Babe— are you crying?”

His answer is delightfully unashamed and immediate, “I’ve never watched Coco without crying.”

The soft strains of the movie’s soundtrack won’t let your eyes dry either; but Jungkook seems far more into it than you. Adoration burns hot in your veins.

“You never told me that!” you exclaim.

“Because it’s not worth telling. Should be a given — these movies are made to cry to!”

You giggle through your tears. Jungkook’s mind works in miraculous ways — non-judgemental, yet probably flashing a side-eye to those who do not partake in a sob fest during Coco or Encanto.

“I honestly love how you’re not a toxic male at all, you know?” you point out; you feel a huff against your chest.

At least he’s smiling through the brief sadness, too.

You crane your neck, not quite turning around just yet, and watch him rub his cheek clean off the tears. Not that his eyes have stopped welling up, though.

For a moment, you observe, staring at the swollen, pouty lower lip. His pupils glimmer in the TV’s light, long locks brushed back; half of them tied in a tiny ponytail.

You could overthink every detail of his face. Tell him all about his everlasting elegance. Instead, you only lower your voice, soft as you say, “You look pretty even when you cry.”

“Thank you,” he returns, though fingertips still work at the liquid, and you can’t help but laugh.

You can barely believe that’s the same confident beast who was pressing you against cool tiles just an hour ago. The stark contrast baffles you.

You’re amused when you question, “It really affects you so much?”

“Everything about it!” he immediately argues. You expand your eyes. “The way Coco looks at Miguel at the end. And that freaking moment when she meets her parents at the end. Does it not affect you?”

“Oh, of course it does,” you defend, “I’m a story girl. I’ll cry reading and watching these things, for sure.”

“And then the lyrics,” he continues, in his element a hundred percent, “the thought of remembering someone even after they’re gone and far away…”

The further his sentence progresses, the more the words blur. His voice is feeble, hoarse when he gets to the final syllables. When he pauses between his rambling to draw a breath, you hear a heartbreaking shake in his inhale.

And the exhale sounds like a quiet sob.

You turn back immediately, pressing onto the pause button, remote control still in his hand. The credits darken the room as opposed to the movie’s colours before. You see a damp trail along his cheek, eyelashes wet.

Your smile vanishes as you stare a little longer. The blanket falls from your chest into your lap when you lift your arm from under it, hastily drying his tears with your thumbs. Just slightly, he leans into the touch, but his face soon falls, an attempt to hide.

You ask, “What’s wrong?”

Jungkook isn’t embarrassed of tears — you figured this out without him admitting it to you. But he’s embarrassed of the guilt he feels; acknowledging it when he speaks.

“It’d just be nice,” hands holding his face drop; you touch his chest, “to make up with the family like this. They made it look easy.”

You keep looking. Bewildered, unable to answer for seconds too long. You blink until the words sink in properly, incapable of more than, “I’m sorry, baby.”

“No, no,” he argues, shaking his head, “I mean. Who am I to tell you something like this?”

“It’s okay. Your worries are legit worries, too. Look at me,” you reassure, prompting him to meet your gaze. “You’re not a bad person. Okay? It’s… so terrible that you think you are.”

“I fucked up.”

It dawns on you once more that he firmly believes that; causes a searing sting. The process is neither a smooth nor a quick one — you know it’ll take a while for him to convince him otherwise. To drop his current beliefs about himself.

“You didn’t,” you refute, firm certainty and conviction in your voice. “That’s not how a fuck-up is defined, I promise you. And those who are actually wrong probably know, too.”

“It’d just be nice,” he starts again; the shrug of his one shoulder doesn’t distract you from the misery and self-loathing in his eyes, “if he called at least.”

“I know. I don’t know, I… do you think you could call instead?”

Jungkook’s lashes brush his skin, the apples of his cheeks not as round and squishy as usual. Yet, the sadness makes him look younger, softer.

You sigh; a warm blanket isn’t enough anymore. You need to wrap him in the comfort of the world — ideally, in his father’s care.

Jungkook opens his mouth for another argument, but then holds it in, says after another moment of contemplation, “Actually… There’s a gathering coming up. I’ll see my people there, so… I don’t know. Trying won’t hurt, right?”

“It never does.”

His eyes start unfocusing. You recognise it in the way he glues his gaze to a point on the glass table, unblinking, staring nowhere in truth. You keep your attention on him for another second, hoping he’ll look at you, even if forlorn.

But when he doesn’t, you wrap your arms around him instead. His chest is calmer against your head now, breathing as soft as the palms that find your back. He presses you into his body by mere inches; you barely notice.

Your fingers draw shapes on his arm, a subtle consoling gesture. In the background, you hear the song fade, volume lower now. The movie soon transitions to something else; you don’t pay any mind to it, drowsy and distracted in his embrace.

But then your mind wanders; to the man keeping Jungkook’s thoughts hostage. You remember the conversation the two of you had last Sunday. You recall the way your hand held his broken heart together.

You wish it was as easy as a small scar — an echo of whatever once transpired, but also a reminder that it healed.

Then, for a second, you think of your own wounds. How they still need to be cured, too. How years and time alone won’t fix issues; you need to tackle them actively — maybe at some point, the two of you can.

You laugh softly against his shirt, burying between his pecs; joking, “We’re perfect for each other. Dysfunctional families and whatnot.”

His chuckle is still a light tremble, but genuine enough for you to celebrate. His hands push a little harder into your back; your body shifts up his lap, butt half on his thigh. Eyes shut, still sniffling.

Jungkook wraps around you like a soothing force, an invisible bubble. A bandage despite carrying all bruises. You sigh in contentment, head dizzy from exhaustion; waking up just when he blurts a question again.

“You really think that, right? That I’m not a bad person.”

You crack your eyes open a slit.

You understand. Someone who overthinks needs multiple repeated reassurances — you’re the same.

So you nod against him, guaranteeing, “You’re… kind of ridiculously amazing. You’re someone who gives all those people hope who don’t believe in humanity anymore.” Pause. “And I admire you in every way. So much.”

He doesn’t respond. You wait. Further dead silence, interrupted by the soft sounds of the TV. You lick your lower lip, dropping your gaze to where your thumb rubs his wrist. Tracing a vein.

His mellow voice reverberates, a melody to your eardrums when he whispers, “We’d do this so much if you were here all the time.”

“Crying in each other’s arms, huh?”

He clicks his tongue, accompanied by the grin you’re certain graces his face, even if you can’t see. You hear it in his voice all the more, “Sure. Also, have dinner together. Shower and watch movies together. Laugh and cry.”

You smile. “I still can’t believe it, you know? That you want this… and me at all.”

“You feel that, too, yeah?” Fingertips move up your spine, between your shoulder blades and then to the nape of your neck. Tickling, grazing gently. “I promise I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t truly feel all that, though.”

“What’s all that?”

“Just.” His chest rises. Then falls. “Everything.”

One of your heartbeats freezes, you’re sure. And when it comes back alive, you think — maybe he doesn’t need the world’s comfort after all. Or his father’s care. Maybe yours is enough right now.

But then again.

You’d be damned if you kept your traumas intact. Or his. You took each other as you came long ago — as vulnerable human beings, with a whole lot of baggage. With all the injuries on your heart.

Yet, this isn’t a state you want to accept. For neither of you.

Your unwavering belief remains steadfast — that one day, things need to become… okay.

So you gulp down all the pain, lighting a candle in your chest, and say,

“It’s not over yet, baby.”

Zara keeps yelling orders around. Her voice, usually collected and tender, is agitated today. You can barely imagine how many little tasks, how many stressed phone calls must be overrunning her.

You establish a distance between your device and your ear, protecting your hearing with one eye squinting shut. And when she returns to the conversation, you exhale through the nose.

“Sorry. You were asking—”

“How’s it look?” you repeat.

“I mean, everyone’s stressed,” she responds, clearly frustrated; as if it should be obvious to you. And it is; but you’ll spiral, too, if you don’t keep your calm, at least. “A lot to do.”

“You’re sure you don’t need me to come earlier?”

“All good, love. You’re not a manager yet,” she stops her speech to mumble something to another co-worker, imaginary hands jam packed with preparations for the press conference. “But when you are, you won’t know what to do with all the stress.”

“Great outlook into a potential future.”

“I just mean you should enjoy things while they last.”

Zara isn’t the only one wandering up and down the building to assure perfection. She’s only one of the big mentors, managers to handle everything; responsible for the catering and content to be presented at the conference.

Her team stands firmly behind her, but you don’t blame her for still allowing her head to steam. Of all busy people in their blazers and slacks, however, she’s been the only one to spare some time for you.

You’re grateful for her enthusiasm and support. You smile as you ask, “Do you think I can answer everything the way I intend to?”

“I think so.”

“It’s so new to me.”

“Yeah, but you’re a natural at this stuff. And also,” she speaks slower now. The chaos behind her has calmed a little; her voice echoes off somewhere. Perhaps a restroom. “Things are looking good.”

You stop sauntering through the room, pausing in front of the bed’s corner before dropping onto it. Dragging your tongue over your lower lip, you blink, and then ask, “You’re sure?”

“We had a couple conversations over here. Made a few more phone calls, and I think you don’t need to worry about a thing. We’ll come up with something if things derail, though, okay?”

You’re uncertain, still anxious. Should this afternoon flop, you’ll be screwed.

You need it to succeed. You can’t afford misfires. Ugh.

Restless, your foot taps against the floor. You try not to think of things going astray; try to think of a smooth progress, not precarious in any way.

Yet, you ask doubtfully, “Can we do that?”

“We always can. That’s business.”

Guess she’s right. Your mother has saved you one too many times — from stupid things you did as well as from things you never needed saving from.

A rich human being’s power over the media — and frankly, the world — is unbeatable. Barely to be underestimated.

“Okay,” you mutter, “thank you.”

Despite only hearing her voice, you imagine her nod, the way she often does. You miss the warm, promising palm on your shoulder. Appreciate that she’s still here instead of dropping you to the side; leaving the call to handle more relevant issues.

No, she lingers there; you hear her breathe until she asks, “Are you bringing your man, too, by the way?”

Your man.

You straighten your back in pride, bright smile back, “Yeah! He said he’d come and support me. But he’s not home yet.”

“Oh? Well, you gotta be here in three hours. Where’d he go?”

“God knows. But don’t worry about punctuality.” You hear a hum, glancing up at the clock. Past noon. “Hey, also. My parents are definitely gonna come, right?”

“Babe,” she drags the word a little, and you can almost see her side-eyeing you, “journalists will be present. Cameras everywhere. At least your mother would never miss such a thing.”

Right. Cares about that company too much.

You remember the times she proved it to you. When you’d come home from middle school, eating some extravagant lunch while watching her talk on TV. Conversing with your staff.

“Okay. Good,” you say, happy about that very answer for once.

Outside, a door creaks. Steps echo through the hallway, a soft call of your name following as you hear the jingling of keys stop.

He sounds joyful.

You get up, phone halfway off your ear as you say, “Hey, I should go. I think that he—”

And the moment you look at the open door of the bedroom, your heart stops. For a second, you fear an intruder at his apartment, but the longer you look, the more your brain gives out.

The black-white-red jacket hugs his broad shoulders comfortably, the thin white sweater underneath it nearly transparent enough to reveal his tiny nipples. But despite his stature, it’s not his body that kills the power in your head.

It’s the—

You murmur last words into the phone, making out a goodbye that doesn’t reverberate as much anymore. She’s probably out of the restroom again; too distracted to give your mumble any attention anyway.

You place your phone where you previously sat and inhale his appearance carefully.

First off — you can see his ears. Can see most of his eyes. His forehead.

His hair is still dark, but it’s tamed. The wild locks, usually a feature you’ve gotten used to over the span of that one year, lay comfortably on his head. In fact, most of them are gone.

You feel a needle in your chest, but one of the surprising sort. Not painful at all.

“Wow,” you only say.

He reaches to the nape of his neck, fingertips brushing the hair there. “Yeah?”

You move towards his body, eyes fixated on every hair strand. Then, close enough, you state the obvious, “You cut your hair.”

“I… yeah. Is it terrible?” he asks, round eyes meeting yours. He raises his hand again, to his ear this time, scratching behind it for a second. “Not used to it at all. But I figured I’d look a little more serious as an artist like this.”

Really? Most artists you knew cared the least about a fancy appearance.

Then again, Jungkook doesn’t look fancy. He just looks different. Breathtaking, more mature, older.

His cheekbones look more chiselled now, his eyes wider. You could pass out right here, right now, and he still wouldn’t know how relentlessly he affects you.

“More serious?” you ask, less because you need an explanation. More because your mind keeps wandering, and you can’t fathom a word he’s saying.

“Just. Needed a change, I think,” he admits, “and wanted to adjust to a press conference’s typical look, too.”

“You did this for the press conference?”

“I wanted to look put together.”

Your heart dissolves and dissipates. His voice is soft as a petal, tender like the colours on his arm. The expression he sports is unsure, like he wants to hide — waiting for your opinion.

He really put thought into this. Woke up this morning and set a goal with purpose, not uttering a word to you to surprise you a couple hours later.

You don’t know what to say. You barely know what to feel, except this unbearable urge to ramble down every piece of tiny emotion he’s ever made you feel.

You want his body wrapped around you, engulfed in a blanket, head on his chest and slumbering for the rest of your life. Want to mumble little confessions, shiver when his lips touch your scalp.

Overwhelmed — that’s what you are.

“I loved the long hair,” you finally admit, “I guess I got too used to it, so I need to adjust, but. But… this is so… It… it suits you.”

You’re stumbling over your words, suggesting doubt. Not the way to go. Perhaps they shouldn’t have chosen you as one of the press conference speakers after all. 

Jungkook’s concern grows visible in his big, round pupils; expressive, a true glimpse into his heart. You feel bad because you’re not as good with words as he is, and because he seemed so happy about his choice.

You just can’t fucking express yourself — even though you’re melting inside, falling harder. And maybe he notices your awkwardness, because he tries again.

“You’re uh— sure you don’t hate it?”

“No! God, no. It’s different. You look amazing, Kook. You look like…”

He swallows. “Like what?”

“You’re so pretty, Jeon Jungkook.” You say it with genuinity this time. He closes his lips, blinking, and while he attempts to veil his relief, you still see the high rise of his chest. “You look fucking gorgeous, no matter what you do. I… I mean it.”

The answer satisfies him. His risen shoulders drop a little, tension falling off, and he fixes the already perfectly sitting collar of his jacket before he smiles. Just a little, a subtle twitch of the corners of his lips.

As soft as his response, “I always aim to reach your level, you know?”

You roll your eyes. Partly to keep them from watering because your heart is bursting. Splintering like every morning and every night; you wonder if you’ll ever get used to it.

A couple gentle words lie heavy on your tongue, pressing against the muscle to let them out; but at the prospect of actually uttering them, your guts twist. You don’t want to throw up before the meeting.

So you remove the tightness from your chest with a deep exhale, nearly until your lungs are dry, and say, “Shut up.”

Playfully, you deliver a soft push against his chest, laughing when his dramatic ass stumbles backwards. Submerged in those goddamn dimples, you immediately grab the hem of his jacket and before you know it, you’ve taken a step forward and landed in his arms.

You sneak your arms underneath the leather-ish material, not hesitating for a second before you’re squeezing his torso. He lets out a choked sound, groaning, but reacts similarly fast as you.

His heartbeat accelerates for a moment, right against your ear as you make yourself small. The sweater smells like his favourite detergent and him; musky, fresh. Your palms, flat against his back, crave deeper touch.

Nothing crude; just an afternoon on the bed behind you, limbs entwined, laughing about things that probably aren’t that funny anyway.

For a moment, the silence transcends words. You inject the blend of gratitude and affection through your touch, ensuring he understands.

But when it’s not a testament to your emotions enough, you speak against his chest, voice very likely muffled, “You didn’t have to do this for me… you just. You never have to do anything for me, but you still do.”

“I’ll do anything for you.”

Immediate and sincere. Voice unwavering.

God, you’re not his strongest soldier.

A smile tugs at your lips, and you chide, "Stop that."

"What?"

"If you keep saying these things," you continue, a frisky lilt in your voice, "I'll die. Do you want me to die?"

Jungkook chuckles. Always a soothing melody in a hushed room. He remarks, grip still wrapped around you securely, "Acting all innocent now."

You don’t understand right away what he means — but then you hear his heartbeat, picking up on pace again.

Makes you want to squash him harder. Melt into him further.

“Shut up, Jeon,” you respond with a nudge, cheek pressed against his shirt. Just a moment longer — just a couple more seconds to inhale the solacing scent.

Your heart is unguarded; he could sever it if he wanted to. He’s proven that he has the power to. Yet, you keep fuelling it, vulnerable in his warmth as you say, “You’ve no clue what you mean to me, Kookie.”

Your vivid imagination might be forcing things upon your mind that aren’t actually there, but you do think you perceive the way his entire body melts. Nearly limp, in a state so relaxed and peaceful that you have only experienced in the mornings before.

Waking him up for work, feeling weightless limbs wrapped around you, passed out.

His fingers trace patterns on your back lightly, stirring from bottom to top and back. They first stop at the small of your back, then lift off your body, hands suddenly on your shoulders.

He pushes you off him, your movements reluctant, and looks at you with profound sincerity. His voice matches his expression, gentle and adoring, “Will you tell me how much I mean to you?”

Amidst the delicate minutes you spend standing between the bedroom and the living room, you almost forget that there’s a world outside. It’s a little more grey than before, similar to the suit you’ll be wearing in a couple hours.

You remember the prospect of an audience, the answers you’ve prepared, to questions they probably will ask. Zara told you they wouldn’t hold back — they’d phrase their inquiries friendly, but still keep the intentions devilish.

Right.

The world is still turning out there. You want it to stop for the two of you — frozen moments. But it can’t, at least not yet. Right now it’s too real; and you guess that the worst part is that in your line of business, it will keep revolving around people like you.

Whether you want it or not.

So maybe, if it truly needs to keep spinning and can’t halt for you, keeping you in the centre, you should give it something to talk about, too.

Something crisp, something new. Without a care for it, but all the care for you and the man in front of you.

Which is why you spare him another fond smile, forehead calm and your demeanour confident — and tell him, “I’ll do my best to let you know."

The audience stretches to the far back. All the rows are filled to the brim with reporters or guests. The shutter of the cameras and the flashing lights are agitating.

You look down.

Nervously tapping your feet on the stage, you shrink into yourself inch by inch. Your seat is uncomfortable, though padded, a little too warm against your ass right now. Zara notices your tick and puts a steady hand to your knee, repeating for the millionth time today, “Stop. It’ll be okay.”

“It’s just dawning on me though, Zara.”

“What is?”

You nod faintly towards the mic and the attendees, tell her, “That I was actually chosen to speak. They shouldn’t have chosen me.”

“You asked for it.”

“Yeah, but there are more important things to discuss.”

Zara’s lips form a circle; she shakes and lowers her head, sending out a beam of air that you feel on your wrist, blazer sleeves rolled up. You’ve been like that all evening.

“You can do it,” she repeats patiently, “you’re the boss’ daughter and they want your opinion. You’ll hit them hard with yours.”

You suck in a breath, leave the air in your cheeks, and then puff it out again. “I want to. I hope to, I just— never thought it’d be this nerve-wracking. Don’t wanna say anything wrong.”

The subtle shake of her head continues — or reemerges —, lips in a thin line, eyes slowly blinking, “Mh-mh. We talked about it, okay? Practised all the questions they could ask. You’ll be good.”

“You gotta promise.”

“As much as I can, babe, it’s up to y—” She takes in your falling face, holding back with a sigh when she sees the dread in your pupils. “I promise. Of course.”

She taps your knee, softly and lightly, and then says, “I’m so curious about everyone’s reactions. Like. Gosh, just look at those people.”

You understand what she means. “I know.”

Zara places a manicured thumb on her matte red lips, mumbling, “Here for entertainment. At least a third of them will add their own fantasies to the articles they’ll write. Hypotheses and manipulative, neutrally phrased thoughts. Cockroaches.”

Funny. That’s what you call them, too. A collective understanding, you see.

But.

“Shhh,” you voice, “they—”

“It’s fine. They know it, too. Like lawyers do.”

Can’t refute. Eun told you one too many times how unfair the law business usually is, and how she’ll strive to not have anyone ever manipulate her. To remain genuine.

“Yeah, but,” you still argue, “I imagined they’d be listening in all the time. Don’t they do lip reading and stuff?”

She nods, a finger still on her mouth, smiling, “Mhm. I also feel like I could say whatever, but it’ll be you they’ll focus on today.”

Your heart drops, an uncomfortable twist in your guts adding to the stress. Might have to dash to the bathroom at the very last minute. You curse, “Shit, Zara… I should fucking ru—”

“Stay. You can do this. I promise.”

“Okay,” you take another deep breath, helping your oxygen-lacking, spinning head, “okay.”

You look back to the media present, ready to survive questions; prepared to provide answers. The moderator is talking to your mother at the front, covering the mic with a hand.

They gave you around five minutes to speak, and in that time, you need to answer everything. How you do it is up to you, but the pressure to perform in a certain way, accordingly, weighs heavily on you.

But it’s alright.

You’ll just need to stay confident. Stick to your message. They’ll have things to say anyway — and you’ll make the best of them.

You stare past the lights, squinting to find him, raking your neck. His figure towers in the back, easy to detect, and once he meets your eyes — or perhaps never having averted his from you — he lifts a hand to wave in tiny motions.

Then, he drops his fingers again, entwining them in front of his body. He isn’t necessarily allowed here, but you were able to sneak him through in advance. So now he’s a couple feet from the wall, choosing to stand rather than sit, so you find him easily.

So you seek his eyes for comfort if need be.

Before you parted near the entrance, he said, “I’ll be offering a dozen thumbs up like a fool if you need me to.”

You chuckled — but maybe he meant it. Because his smile and nod undoubtedly dispel your fears; as if he can see you struggling.

The seconds drag on, and the conference begins seven minutes later. Your mother is the first to talk, outlining a general overview of what’s to come. Of Charmante’s philosophies, of its success, praising the team.

Then, she forwards to important employees like Zara, letting them ramble about launches or ideas in depth. Business strategies, partnerships, bringing across points that you usually don’t get the chance to share.

This is legit press; even though out for a loophole, they won’t follow you around or hide in the shadows. Incessant and vexing, but at least they’re allowed here.

Conversations about new collections, store openings as well as expansions and customer engagement pass in a trice, and at some point, another coworker is uttering last words to a last question.

And you realise — that you’re next.

The moderator introduces you with pride; everyone applauds, smiling at you fondly despite all the controversies. ”Controversies.” Under quote marks, as Zara pointed out, because you never committed an offence.

You stand on weak knees. Trembling when you grip the podium. It’s like the sound in the room fades, a single peeping tone overshadowing all noise. You barely blink anymore; not even the flashy white can shut your eyes.

And god, you can hear your breathing. Your damn heart. Your nose sucks in all the air available in the room, or at least in the building, and then you open your mouth to speak.

a/n: this is not a cliffhanger!! tumblr just doesn't allow to drop looong posts anymore, so here's the rest of the chapter lol, keep reading and enjoying, i love you and will see you on the other side!! and don't forget to support this chapter, folks 🥺 <3

[limitlessgoddess]

How i attracted the college of my dreams ( without even realizing it )

long story coming so be prepared. there's a little bit of strong language so please read at your own discretion.

let me begin by telling you an account of how it started. i'm gonna be honest, my self concept was shi at that time but i still ended up manifesting what i want because i've always had the assumption everything always works out in my favor. i am gonna tell you all the barriers in my way, the mistakes you should NOT make, and my success story.

SO LESS GOOO

my barriers:

a toxic ldr ( my sc got bad because i was gaslighted way too many times and made to believe i couldn't live without them but i turned out just fine, don't let your SP tell you shi about yourself and get away with it 💀 i called them out and there was Lotta f*ckin drama but then they came begging back 2 months later wanting to be friends like girl i forgot about your existence whatchu doin in my empire 🤡 )

online school ( my concentration was 📉 pls + that person was an attention wh*re )

only above average grades ( around 80% )

medium SAT score ( 1140 )

severe migraines ( i don't have them anymore MUHAHAHA )

i revised and changed them, now they only feel like a bad dream i had ages ago.

Mistakes to AVOID

don't say i didn't, say i didn't warn ya

MISTAKE #1:

basing my sc on my sp. the worst thing you can do. it's not YOU that wants them, they want you. they're begging to have you so STOP PUTTING them on a pedestal. i have seen a lot of SP fanatics being like i can't live anymore blah blah after their SP blocks them or says something they didn't want to hear. they merely acted on your assumptions and you can easily shift into a reality where they never did or said that, okay?! YOU ARE THE MFING BOSS.

MISTAKE #2:

letting circumstances dictate what goes on in your head. ngl there were several instances i wanted to give up on my college application and future but I DIDNT. it was stressful at times ( because my assumptions were so ). my higher self knew that i could do better and i deserved better so i began to focus only on my sc for a month.

MISTAKE #3:

caring about what people thought. i live in india where majority of students go abroad for their postgrad but i was one of them who was going for her undergrad abroad. i was doing something out of the box, that was alien to the ordinary people around me. i was asked a lotta times about my future and i told it every single time im going abroad and they would suggest me to study in a top indian uni. that created doubts in my head, whether i should be really doing it but i reminded myself every single time that i am meant to be great, i am meant to be extraordinary. After all, I AM GOD AND NOTHING CAN HURT ME.  i hate being told what to do so i ended up making them look second- rated lmao

tip: YOU MAKE YOUR OWN RULES SO PLEASE CREATE RULES THAT MAKE THINGS EASIER FOR YOU, NOT COMPLICATED ( LIKE I DID 😭 )

Finally the success story y'all been waiting for:

i applied to around 12 universities. 2 hard, 5 moderate, 5 safety.

initially i got rejection letters but that turned around after i started affirming that i was admitted to all my colleges/ unis with a full tuition scholarship.

i got accepted into 2 moderate and 3 safety. i got waitlisted in one safety and rejected in the rest. all my safety unis were public so they usually offer $ 9000-11000 to international students as scholarship. The 2 moderate unis i applied to were private so i achieved REALLY HUGE SCHOLARSHIPS from them. i achieved 50% tuition scholarship from one and 90% tuition scholarship from ANOTHER!!!

ever since i was in 8th grade, i've wanted to settle in a big city with a high paying job in a country abroad ( either Canada, USA, or South Korea ). the college i got a 90% scholarship from is just a few hours away from New York City. it's in a rural area and has got a strong knit community ( to help me feel like home ). not only that, they have got excellent facilities for international student. i learnt from my college counsellor about the internship and career development opportunities as well and they are HONESTLY FANTASTIC!!! i have always wanted to start working, earning, and investing since a young age because i love money way too much 💀

i won't work for my money, my money's gon work for me.

remember, you should never be ashamed to have it all. you should not be ashamed to choose a career where u get lots of money. money is a necessity and the world functions because of economies. the base of an economy is MONEY 💸🤑 so affirm for that paper without feeling bad about wanting it.

THAT'S IT FOR THIS POST.

KEEP MANIFESTING ABUNDANCE, PEACE, LOVE, AND HAPPINESS IN YOUR LIFE. YOU DESERVE THE BEST, DONT LET YOUR CURRENT SELF TELL U OTHERWISE BECAUSE YOUR HIGHER SELF KNOWS WHAT'S THE BEST FOR YOU.

TRUST YOURSELF AND BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

I LOVE Y'ALL 💖💖💖