#word vomiting into the void

[shy-writer-999]

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

A/N: Here’s a disturbing one-shot that will undoubtedly leave all of you questioning my character! Let’s just not talk about that part. As for the content—the “reader” emotionally cheats on Sanji with Zoro. This is very much giving OC vibes, the character is just generally a pretty shitty person I guess idek. ~2k words. Will edit later.

CW: Infidelity, pining, angst (i guess), a minuscule amount of smut.

---

Sanji was your doting, loving, caring boyfriend. He tended to your every need. In his presence, you wanted for nothing. You were a queen to him, an angel, a sacred being whom he aimed to please. You occupied his mind constantly. He would whisper pet names to you any time he could, he’d bring you sweet treats and fruity drinks, pet your head and smooth your hair down, kiss you and tell you “I love you.” He would bring you presents and tickle your back lightly at night—he’d say sickeningly sweet things, like “you’re so pretty when you cry, you look like a movie star” and “I want to spend forever with you.”

And while Sanji called you an angel, you knew you were the opposite.

Sanji would give you anything you could possibly dream of—if you wanted to get married, he’d get married. If you wanted kids, he’d happily oblige. And even though Sanji offered the world to you on a silver platter, even though you were a goddess to him, you knew that you were sick and depraved inside.

When you were with Sanji, you enjoyed yourself. You felt loved and you loved him in return. You had great (albeit vanilla) sex, he supported you through your worst, he shared every single part of himself with you—but the issue was that you didn’t share every single part of yourself with Sanji. There was some little voice inside of you saying that you shouldn’t, that you couldn’t.

There was a part of you that hid in the shadows of your mind, a twisted, poisoned, cowardly part of you that knew things and didn’t share them with anyone else. That part of you knew that deep down, things with Sanji would come to an end someday. You could feel it. No matter how many times he said that it would be forever, no matter how many times you said it back to him, you knew it wouldn’t last. Things would come to an end with Sanji because you wanted more than the everything that he offered you. You wanted something different.

But now that you were so far and so deep into your relationship with Sanji, so caught up in the lovey dovey sweet talk, the feelings of safety and security… you didn’t know what to do. You acted cowardly. Sure, you did love him. And sure, it would be nice to have something that lasted forever. And sure, he made you feel good and loved and cherished and wanted.

But why was that depraved part of yourself whispering that you needed something different? Why did you feel like you wanted someone different? Was there any way to mend this huge chasm, this rupture in the firm ground of your relationship? Did you even want to stitch it back together? How long could you go on pretending like you were satisfied and fulfilled, when you weren’t?

What the fuck was wrong with you?

You asked yourself that regularly. Why did you continue putting on this show for Sanji, when the sand in the hourglass timer of your relationship ran out, grain by grain?

There was a glaring problem to you. That nasty little part of yourself wanted someone else. It wanted the worst person it could possibly want. It fantasized about him, idealized him, and contemplated him.

Zoro.

Was Zoro Sanji’s best friend? Or were they nemeses? They bickered, but they loved each other like brothers. They never showed it, but you could tell. They trash talked each other like no one’s business but they talked about each other too. In your mind, they were frenemies, but he was the closest thing Sanji had to a best friend, other than Luffy. Would the term be best frenemies?

Whatever the nature of their relationship, Zoro was a problem for you.

You were sick and twisted, alright. A coward, too. Pathetic. Pining after the worst person on the planet you could have chosen, maintaining the façade of a happy relationship because the breakup would be too painful and you couldn’t handle it right now. Putting it off for another day, another month, another time—and all the while, seeing that man, Zoro, walk around deck… It gnawed at something inside of you. Your rotted heart started to twist and squeeze when he walked by. Why were you so interested in him? Why did you perk up anytime he was mentioned, anytime he talked, any time he looked at you?

A big part of the explanation is that before you and Sanji made things official, you and Zoro flirted pretty intensely, you even talked about having sex a couple of times, though nothing ever happened. He said things back then that stayed with you forever. One time, he described his type, and you fit it to a T. Another time, after you and Sanji got together, he remarked to Sanji, “I wish I had a girlfriend like her.” Zoro was chronically single. He would never get a girlfriend like you, because there wasn’t anyone else he wanted. You didn’t know that, though.

Your chemistry with Zoro was just off the charts. It was unnaturally good, agonizingly good. You got on so well that you hung out without Sanji a couple of times. Sanji didn’t seem to have a problem with it, and in fact, he didn’t have the slightest clue how you felt about Zoro. It would stay that way. Sometimes he felt a little weird around the pair of you, but he chalked it up to him being insecure.

Once, you and Zoro were really getting along (like you always did), fucking around on deck, talking shit, teasing each other, catching up. Sanji joined the conversation, but you and Zoro shared a moment mid-conversation that struck him. The pair of you referenced some inside joke, smiling and laughing at each other, eyes locked for a good ten seconds—it’s like you forgot he was there. He could feel the bolt of lightning pass between you two. Later that night he had to soothe himself. He asked you, “Is everything okay, my love? I know this is insecure of me to say, but for a second earlier, I… I felt like you liked him more than me.” You reassured Sanji, “What? No, babe, that’s silly. Of course I like you more.” The knife twisted in your heart. You hated yourself for it.

Sometimes, most of the time, actually, you wished that Zoro wanted you. You wished you could change yourself to be exactly what he liked. He was frank with you about the sort of women he liked, and a couple years ago, when you had been flirting, you fit that perfectly. But you had since changed—you were glad for the change, you were confident, felt good about yourself (except for that fucked up part of you)—but you had this nagging, disgusting urge, this desire for Zoro to want you too. You wanted to be perfect for him. That depraved part wanted to know if he thought about you. If he wanted you. How badly he wanted you.

Amidst this wanting, you were painfully self-aware. You knew that (A) you were acting like a major asshole (to say the least), leading Sanji on, and you’d hurt him deeper and deeper every day that you stayed with him. You didn’t want to admit to yourself how long that had been going on, it was neither here nor there. We’ll say it was a long time and leave it at that. And (B) you were confused about why you wanted Zoro this bad. Thinking someone is hot and wanting to fuck them is one thing (and that sentiment certainly was present), but the other thing, the really fucked up thing, was that you wanted Zoro. All of him. His heart. 

You wanted to wear one of Zoro’s hoodies. To feel how his big, rough hands felt in yours. You wanted to bask in his gaze, rub your lips over his cheeks and stubble, pull him into a kiss. You had stared at those lips for long enough to know that they would feel good pressed on yours. You wanted to get centimeters away from him and stare in his eyes, you wanted him to look into your soul and say “I love you.”

Why did you want someone like him to be in bed with you? Not even to fuck, but literally to lay down with and look at and share thoughts with? This is how you knew you were too far gone.

Were the notes of sweetness you read in him just a façade? He was an asshole, certainly, but… Not to you directly. Never to you directly.

When you saw women falling all over him at bars, he’d look at you and roll his eyes or give you that shit-eating grin. Like he was acknowledging something. And you wished it could be you who was falling all over him like that. He wouldn’t roll his eyes then. He didn’t roll his eyes the one time you got so drunk you were (literally) falling on him—he steadied you by your waist, smoothed your hair out, ran a thumb over your cheek, and asked “you doing ok, princess?” He forgot himself in that moment, forgot what the dynamic was supposed to be. You could feel it. That moment was stuck in your mind like glue.

Your shameless thirsting only made you feel so guilty. The guilt would disappear into thin air any time he was shirtless near you or anytime he wore shorts. He was just too fucking hot, it was painful. You’d let yourself get carried away sometimes, imagining what it would be like to ride his thigh to completion with his encouragement, or what it would be like to grind your wet core on his shaft until he was whimpering and begging for you to fuck yourself with it. You wondered what it would be like to have him smack your ass so hard tears formed in your eyes, or how it would feel for him to look into your eyes with his cock buried inside and hear him moan your name.

You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t acknowledge that the way he looked at you sometimes was… Hm. He looked at you like he wanted you. You caught him staring at you a few times, staring at your tits, quietly studying your face. Any time you’d look at him during those moments, he’d meet your eyes and do this little eyebrow raise to you. It made your stomach flip.

One time about a year into your relationship with Sanji, you and Zoro almost kissed. You didn't initially think that the interaction would lead into a kiss, and only afterwards were you left wondering about Zoro's response to the situation.

You were wearing a new perfume and he said “something smells good.” You immediately knew that it was your perfume. Knowing that he thought it smelled good was one of those things that gave you a sick sense of satisfaction.

“You think so? I got a new perfume. Want to smell it?” You looked at him with a smile and turned your head slightly, gesturing to your neck. Zoro indulged and leaned in to take a breath of your perfume, unnervingly close. His hand came around to press on the small of your back. He didn’t mean to do that, he just forgot himself. He often forgot himself around you.

When he was done taking a deep breath of your perfume, he looked at you. You were just a couple inches away from each other’s faces. You both held your breath for a moment. Three seconds passed and it was so quiet that you could have heard a pin drop. You clammed up and didn’t say a word because fuck, he was so gorgeous up close.

After a moment, Zoro turned bright red, withdrew his hand, and basically jumped backwards. He tried to play if off with a feigned chuckle. “That was weird!”

“What? You don't like how it smells?”

“No, it smells good.”

You responded, sincerely puzzled. “What was weird about it then?”

He waved a hand and shook his head. “I don’t know.”

You dropped the subject. Later, when you reflected on why he thought it was weird, you realized that maybe he thought that you were about to kiss. That was the only explanation you could come up with.

Moments like that had been eating away at you for months. You couldn’t help but wonder what life would be like if you said no to Sanji initially when he asked you to be with him. You loved him, though. Maybe you forgot it sometimes, but you truly loved him—that is, if you can truly love someone and forget it sometimes. The answer to that is probably a no, though. If you forget it sometimes, it isn’t true love.

How long would it be until you did something about it?

[omega-e123]

The ultimate life form?

The ultimate failure.

Bioengineered from an alien race which sought to destroy the planet. Heartless…

His purpose to save and cure the one person he cared about. Failed.

Given a mission by her to protect the hopes and dreams of humans. Nearly failed, by his own doing.

No different from the DNA from where he came from.

Although the Black Arms have been defeated and he had long since declared who “Shadow” is, claws of the past tear into his being. Seeds of doubt ever growing… Seemingly impossible to weed out.

His arms wrap around himself in attempts to comfort and console. Sometimes he can still feel her hugging him whenever he had bouts of self-loathing.

“You are more than what you were made for.”

Repeating those words forever until it stands true in his heart.

One step forward, two steps back. A day at a time, to prove his worth. That he is allowed to keep existing despite the short comings.

Ruby red eyes gaze out to the vast open waters. Calm waves lap at the shore in a gentle rhythm. A breeze blows past, sending shivers down his spine. Cold reminder of being alone.

Only he’s not. Shadow’s ear flicks in the direction of crunching sand growing louder and louder until— it halts. Another pair of arms other than the hedgehog’s own wraps around him.

“Brooding again?”

“Mmnh.”

“Well, don’t frown too much or your face will get stuck like that. Then you’ll really age with the wrinkles you give yourself,” you tease, attempting to take his mind off of things.

Somehow it kinda works. The thoughts that had threaten to drown him, are over powered by your voice. Since when have you been an ever present light in his life?

He speaks up, “You’re an idiot for seeking out someone like me.”

“Yeah, but I’m your idiot. Don’t you forget that.”

“Pff,” the corners of Shadow’s lips twitch upwards.

✧.*

A shadow guides the way to the light

Never lost with a heart so bright

[gentlenotes-moved]

"you're flawless!" "you're perfect!" or!!!!!! maybe you're a little flawed. maybe you've fucked up. maybe you're a human with scars and faults. a human who's wronged and who's been wronged. maybe you've messed up. but... maybe you're a human that deserves love and happiness and good things in life. a human that deserves to heal and to be loved because you're worth something just for being alive.

[lostagoodcigar]

Brought to you by a tiktok where this guy was talking abt a girl he was seeing and how every time they had sex she’d give him a little treat afterwards (like a lil candy bar)

Like it starts when you jokingly toss Johnny one of the chocolates you had sitting on your nightstand after he ate you out like his life depended on it- he eats the candy immediately obviously as he laughs

Then you end up with a little candy dish on the nightstand, or in the drawer, any time you and Johnny have sex you give him a piece of candy, throw him a bone so to speak. Not on purpose but you think it’s cute- the way his face lights up when given the candy

You find yourself fucking somewhere in the house that isn’t the bedroom? Johnnys right behind you as you make your way to your shared room for his treat, not even realizing he’s doing it.

Whether you forget on purpose or on accident one day he just kinda stands in the kitchen like a kicked puppy and, “didn’t do somethin’ to upset ya did I hen?” His head tilted to the side slightly.

“What? No- what do you mean?” You are genuinely confused until he mumbles a “didn’t get my treat- ya know-“

You have to stop yourself from laughing as you ruffle his slightly overgrown mohawk before you’re off to the bedroom to toss him his little candy.

Honorable mention: I’d like to think Johnnys somehow ended up explaining this to the others, maybe just Ghost at first. And Ghost immediately understands it and is thankful his smile is covered by his balaclava- leave it to Johnny to get himself trained like a good dog

Basically what im trying to say is doing this to Soap would have him so down bad I think

[solarfracture]

I am like actually gonna fucking die. Who thought this was a good idea for a cover?? CAUSE ITS FUCKING PERFECT I WANNA VOMIT. ITS SO SO SO SO CUTE AND I LOVE SESAME STREET (who doesnt tho??) UGHHH… I need to talk about Void rivals with someone so bad cause OML…… sobbing. Cant wait to buy the new issue of transformers next week!! Im so hyped!! Called up my local comic book store to ensure I’ll get a copy. I cant wait for the next issue of Void Rivals cause ???? I have GOT to know what happens next. UGHH…. So excited…

[kacievvbbbb]

Some Goth Fam Modern AU headcanons I can't stop thinking about and will probably explode if I don't put pen to paper or in this case- Type to screen

Here we go. This is going to be a long one;

-Shanks isnt officially part of the goth family. Even though he's know these kids since mihawk had them, helped raise them is always there in the morning to take them to school and is practically their other father. Perona and Zoro still refer to him as "Mihawk's bum of a boyfriend" (byprodcut of hearing mihawk call shanks a bum one to many times).

-Zoro and Perona relentlessly troll mihawk for having only 2 friends and they are his boyfriend and business partner. even though perona herself only has like 1 friend and a gaggle of minions.

-Perona got a giant bear cut out all the stuffing and used to make a baby zoro wear the carcass of her destuffed bear. baby zoro was very chill about all this.

-People think mihawk is a housewife but he actually has a job with the government that nobody really knows what it is and nobody is really allowed to talk about. he just never goes in except for the once a month meeting where they threaten to fire him.

-They have a groupchat just the three of them called "The Family" and then another one with shanks sinces hes the one that actually drives them places called "the family and shanks"

-Mihawk is the type of person to get a family portrait every time the kids have grown to look significantly different from the last so every couple of years. They are all extremely giant and actually painted. these are the only family picture hanging on the walls. even tho mihawk secretly scrapbooks all the pictures shanks takes.

-Mihawk has had them since they were toddlers they still call him Mihawk tho. excpet zoro hits 13 and starts exclusively referring to him as Hawkeyes or "that guy".

-Mihawk is a crunchy mom tm and they grew up in an ingredient household. But because mihawk is a grazer at heart and zoro needs fuel like a truck and all their little friends all practically live at their house. Theres awlays charcuterie boards on hand. Zoro never had a pop tart until he went to Luffy's house one time. He asked Mihawk what fruit snacks are and he reacted like zoro just summoned the devil into their home. He's very Nara smith I cook all my kids meals from scratch coded. He's definitely running one of those mommy blogs and being really bitchy and personal attacky about the whole thing and hes not even trying to hide it. Literally two steps away from bring a mommy influencer. literally just needs the instagram page (which he has but doesn't know its run by perona).

-Despite this zoro and perona cant cook for shit. That one tiktok video of the woman showing her husband what she used to have for a midnight snake as a kid in an ingredient house and it was just a bowl of mixed vegetables is so them coded. Despite mihawk's nara smith tendencies once thye get to a certain age every meal but dinner is every man for himself. mihawk only cooks once and so raises a family of girl lunch havers and grazers. Zoro thinks a greenshake is a snack. his eating habits are a source of constant stress for sanji.

-Perona is definitely an influencer her content ranges from fashion stuff to content about her strange family (she tries to get them to make tiktoks and msot of the videos are just zoro's resignantion and mihawk's funnily shutting that shit down with a swiftness) and just stories of her weird family and her brothers even weirder friends. nobody can figure out what their family dynamics are.

-shanks definelty makes those "dealing my italian husband psychic damage videos" except they are like my Spanish-Romanian husband and mihawk get genuinely upset and every video ends witrh the threat of shanks being murdered.

-Nobody on these channels realizes that this mihawk is the same internationally recognized as the best swordfighter to ever live Dracule Mihawk.

-Zoro goes to the local community college with most of the gang while perona goes to a fashion college as a fashion/fashion history major. she lives on campus but is home every weekend tho so mihawk can do her laundry and restock her fridge.

-Only luffy and nami who are his childhood friends truly know just how fucking rich his family is even tho Zoro and the parent that zoro and luffy both weirdly share, despite not being otherwise related, look and act like bums. They meet the rest of the straw hats in college.

-At no given time do shanks or zoro even have 20 dollars on them something that endlessly frustrates everyone else around them. Usopp has bought one to many meals for zoro to be nothing other than incensed when he is invited to "summer" at their lake house thats more like a resort. Zoro can live in a converted mid century castle but Usopp has seen him pay for a sandwhich with a collection of change.

-people often wonder where exactly perona got her bratty attitude from because zoro and mihawk are pretty chill, composed guys. and then they see how mihawk acts around Shanks and the lenghts of childishness Shanks can push him too and then they

-Zoro and Mihawk are endlessly competing at petty meaningless activities espoecially if they involve cutting things with a blade. they have a running count into the 300s off how much mihawk has won vs zoro and he is endlessly smug about it. Zoro has only just begun to start clawing more victories for himself. He recently won their speed cucumber cutting challenge and mihawk was non to pleased about this.

-Adopted this one from a mutual; but Mihawk used to take Perona to all the twighlight, pop girlie, pastel goth stuff and pretends that its all a hastle even tho he's really into the stuff and has been since perona got into it.

-They are the kind of family that always had dinner together but would have every other meal wherever and whenever but since perona is away at college it became sunday lunch and dinner which just turned into sunday bruch for practically the entire neighborhood because zoro and perona keep inviting their weird friends over. and now its a whole thing and mihawk is none to pleased.

-Mihawk was about to be an empty nester and then s-hawk falls in his lap and heres another kid he has to look after and makes sure survives till adulthood 🙄. S-hawk ironically for all he looks exactly like him is the child that acts the least like him (This is largely zoro's influence) And he's definetly that stereotype of when you parents decide to have a kid in their 40s and they grow up in a completely different household than you did. like who even are these people?? S-hawk actually gets to have fruit snacks and zoro is still super salty about this. Because Mihawk was just off achieving his biggest dream with nothing better to do that to pout all his energy into being a parent to these two monsters. but now he has actually has a job that he actively needs to work at🙄

-Zoro looks baby sits s-hawk the most and like s-hawk is like 5 to zoro's 20 and zoro is definitely one of those people that doesnt "play" with kids instead he just folds s-hawk into whatever routine he has for the day without missing a step. He takes him with him to his classes at the community college. He pulls up a chair for s-hawk he has his own little notebook and everything everytime people try to coo at him Zoro tells them to leave him a lone the little dude's trying to learn here. He takes him to the gym like all those videos with dads and their babies repping sets. He gives s-hawk baby dumbells and teaches him proper form and everything. just goes about his life like there isnt a 5 year old trailing him like a duckling. Zoro puts on act for mihawk but he loves having a little buddy since chopper's kind of outgrown it.

-Zoro and Mihawk both talk to baby s-hawk like a regular person. Mihawk talks to him likes he's a distinguished gentleman with thoughts and opinions and who should know better than to fling food and toys and he often reads him the news. Zoro talks to him like he's just a dude definetly the type to have a beer with the baby while they sit on the couch watching sports. Perona and Shanks are the ones that actually treat him like a baby and baby talk him and shanks is definietly one of those parents that's always doing extreme sports stuff with a baby while Perona essentially treats him like a teddy bear / dress up doll. she and mihawk are the only ones allowed to make clothing decisons for him after the time he came home from a shopping trip with zoro and shanks looking like both a bum and a middle aged dad on vacation. Shanks was allowed to keep one tiny s-hawk sized haiwain shirt.

-Zoro essentially raises s-hawk like he's his child 😭. Like Junior and devante from Black-ish but he's less upront about this. He keeps adding things to the kid's schedule without telling Mihawk and essentially treats mihawk like the unwanted third in their relationship. He takes him everywhere with him. People would think that was his kid if he didn't look so intensely like mihawk. He signs baby hawk up for kendo classes from the age like 3 cause he'll be damned if he takes after mihawk's swordsmanship. He attends every practice he gets very intense during matches. its a whole thing. He also keeps signing baby hawk up for random extracurriclars that Mihawk can't keep up with and change depending on season. Baby hawk is in baby gymnastics with all the other seraphim. Zoro is very invested in this. Zoro the type to pull up to a heist with a baby.

[i-eat-large-amounts-of-pasta]

I don't understand why I never hear people talking about Wreck-it Ralph. Maybe it's because it's not something that adults nowadays are nostalgic about or something, but I loved that movie. I still do. It's one of those movies that nobody talked about because it wasn't awful and wasn't perfect. It was just really good.

But it's SUCH A GOOD MOVIE. It's a movie about being a fish out of water, about coming to terms with the consequences of your actions, and making friends who love you for all your flaws. But most of all, it's about coming to love yourself for all of your flaws. Self-acceptance is a core theme especially in the climax of the film. Ralph is only able to beat King Candy by accepting himself and using his unique skills to help in spite of his label as a "bad guy". He is not defined by the label he was given. He doesn't need other people to tell him who he is anymore.

The one quote that I'll never forget, one which helps me to know myself, is said once at the beginning of the film and once at the end, with both having completely different context

"I'm bad, and that's good. I will never be good, and that's not bad. There is no one I'd rather be Than me."

This is significant to me in ways I don't have the words to describe sometimes. I am broken. The way I see the world is fundamentally different to most other people. There are others who are also warped in similar ways, who see the same bent shapes as me. Ralph is not alone, and neither am I. Neither are you. Don't let other people tell you who you are. Life isn't binary. Make friends with people who understand and love you for exactly who you are, and remember to extend them the same courtesy to them. Don't treat people differently based on what labels society has given them.

All these lessons from an animated comedy movie for kids that's rated 87% on Rotten Tomatoes.

If you haven't watched this movie, I highly encourage it. It's still my favorite Disney film (followed closely by Treasure Planet) and still watch it from time to time. It's just called Wreck-It Ralph and it's on Disney Plus. Or pirate it. I don't really care. I hold an immense amount of disdain for Disney, sooooooo...

[forgetriestowrite]

There's something about how the Archeart kept saying "we are just like you, we are animals, etc etc" and like yeah at their cores all the gods are like mortals in that they want to survive but also no my dude, just because you can die doesn't mean this is going to be a simple yes-or-no decision, save the gods or don't, because you are not just like us, everything you do affects the entire world, and it's so interesting to me because it's a mirror to what Ashton said however many episodes ago about how BH should be the ones to make the decision because "we're nobodies", which yeah compared to gods you are nothing but you are also not the laymen anymore. You are not just the lowly criminal, just the farm girl, just the guard, just the toymaker. You are the last remnant of the Titans, an Exalted Ruidusborn destined to save or destroy the world, the Savior Blade of the Tempest, a centuries-old werewolf with more life and experience under his belt than most of the people you know. What you do affects the entire world.

AND

How the Archeart, the entire time they were saying all these things, relating themself to BH, had this tone like "I know everything, I know what's right and here's a simple solution, an out so you don't have to keep agonizing over this" but it's not simple. It has never been simple. "Predathos won't go after the world because you are just crumbs to it" but how do you know that. Because you're a god? I'm calling bullshit because this is the one thing that scares you, or at least scares your family. Just because Predathos ate two gods and nothing else before doesn't mean that's how it's going to go again, especially now that the gods are harder to get to this time. Like Orym said, when something is starving, it will go for the crumbs if that's all there is.

idk ruminating on that whole conversation has been really interesting because it looks like a simple solution, but it's another suggestion from someone who's afraid, but yet again thinks they have the right answer.

[justablah56]

do you guys ever like . think about Glenn close .

do you ever think about how all he ever wanted was for everything to stay the same . that it would all be okay and chill and nothing *really* bad would happen to him .

do you ever think about how his son was more important to him than that .

do you ever think about how much Glenn really truly cares about Nicky .

like . ok listen . he literally . he was literally trying so hard . the sacrifices he forced himself to make so that Nick could live a life he would enjoy . he assumed that his son knew how much he loved him and that was where he failed . glenns real motive is that he's willing to loose Nick if it means that Nick gets to be happy , regardless of his own feelings on the matter . before the realms it's going out on tour for long gigs , he's willing to leave because it'll bring money in and Nick will have a comfortable home . he assumes that Nick knows it's hard on him , but Nick just saw his dad leaving . because Glenn will give and give and give anything that he can for the people he cares about , but use all the effort in the world to try and appear as though he's not . that what he's doing to help isn't actually that big of a deal . and that's what tore him and Nick apart . is Glenn giving all the time he could to keep him and Nick afloat and trying to hide how hard it was for him . and Nick only seeing his dad leave him every chance he got .

anyways I'm going rabid . Glenn close .

[patolemus]

i'm currently reading carpe noctem and i need someone to fucking sedate me

[greenerteacups]

Hi! I am an ardent fan of your writing, and I hope to be as sorted and planned as you some day in my own writing journey.

My question is: you have a keen eye when it comes to planning character personality, dynamics, and such. I've also been wading through your ask replies, and your insights into how you write people and how you make them play off of each other is so wonderful to read. If it's not too personal a q, how did you learn how to write like this? Did you go to school for writing, does it come from years of observing people, do you have reading list recs for "how to write real people and real interactions"?

Thanks! This is a really flattering question. I'll try to answer it honestly, because I wish someone had been brutally honest about this with me when I was a young writer.

I didn't go to school for writing. I started doing it when I was about nine years old. It sucked very badly. I kept writing throughout high school, and it still mostly sucked, but some of it was occasionally interesting. ("Interesting" here does not mean "good," by the way.) I took a break in college, and then came back. I've been writing ever since. Sometimes, I feel good about it. A lot of the time, I don't!

I hate giving this advice, because I remember how it feels to get it, and it's the most uninspiring, boring-ass, dog shit advice you can get, but it's also the only advice that is 100% unequivocally true: you have to write, and specifically, you have to write things that suck.

I do not mean that you should make things that suck on purpose. I mean that you have to sit down and try your absolute hardest to make something good. You have to put in the hours, the elbow grease, the blood, sweat, and tears, and then you have to read it over and accept that it just totally sucks. There is no way around this, and you should be wary of people who tell you there is. There is no trick, no rule, no book you can buy or article you can read, that will make your writing not suck. The best someone else can do is tell you what good writing looks like, and chances are, you knew that anyway — after all, you love to read. You wouldn't be trying to do this if you didn't. And anyone who says they can teach you to write so good it doesn't suck at first is either lying to you, or they have forgotten how they learned to write in the first place.

So the trick is to sit there in the miserable doldrums of Suck, write a ton, and learn to like it. Because this is the phase of your path as an artist when you find what it is you love about writing, and it cannot be the chance to make "good writing." This will be the thing that bears you through and compels you to keep going when your writing is shit, i.e., the very thing that makes you a writer in the first place. So find that, and you've got a good start.

Some people know this, but assume that perseverance as a writer is about trying to get to the point where you don't suck anymore. This is not true, and it is an actively dangerous lie to tell young writers. You are not aiming to feel like your writing doesn't suck. You are aiming to write. You are aiming to have written. Everything else is dust and rust. And of course, you'll find things you like about your pieces, you'll find things you're proud of, you'll learn to love the things you've made. But that little itch of self-criticism, in the back of your brain — the one that cringes when you read a clunky line, or thinks of a better character beat right after it's far too late to change — that's never going away. That's the Writer part of you. Read Kafka, read Dickens, read Tolstoy, you will find diary entries where they lament how absolutely fucking atrocious their writing was, and how angry they are that they can't do better. A good writer hates their sentences because they can always imagine better ones. And the ability to imagine a better sentence is what's going to make you pick up the pen again tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.

Which is what I mean, and probably what all those other annoying, preachy advice-givers mean, when we say: a good writer is just someone who writes every day. It's that easy, and that hard.

[distant-screaming]

Thinking about how Sand fits into the theme of ephemerality that's being discussed - how the entirety of episode 5 is centered around Sand's sentiment of 'everyone has the same 24 hours in a day - Ray is my 25th'. We're given a look into Sand's life - how he's constantly moving, constantly working, how Sand lives very differently compared to the others. The overarching theme with the other characters seems to be living without consequences, while Sand here is living with nothing but consequences. He's working to pay off his mother's debt, to fund his future, to keep himself financially stable - all things rooted in the idea of planning and eventual outcomes. All 24 hours of his day go into working and earning money.

However, the 'extra hour' he assigns to Ray has none of this. Instead, as we see in this episode's not-date, Ray Hour is all about spending money, about living without consequences (going to a performance, getting high and having sex on the balcony) - about living ephemerally. For Sand, Ray seems to function as a way to let go of control. The boundaries he sets are easily broken by Ray and his pout, and Sand gets swept up in whatever it is Ray is considering at the moment - which yet again links back to ephemerality and the permanence of these boundaries.

It's a very interesting role Sand has of being a contrast to the main friend group while also still embodying the big theme of ephemerality - and having that be because of Ray. Something is bound to give out, to crash and burn, because this isn't how Sand has been living.

Also, side note, out of the three main couple sandray is the only one that never brings up or incorporates photos (and there's been discussions of photography and permanence going around too).

[umbrelladroid]

ok before act 3 drops i need to confess that i’ve grown to actually like jayce talis. he is a failguy who reached his breaking point, which made him hotter and more interesting

his actions and their consequences are a different conversation that i do not care about until i see the remaining episodes ! i just think he’s neat.

[corviiids]

complaining

[foreverxdaydreaming]

x

[elecman108]

If there is anything that makes me wanna say "I called it" on, it's the characterization of the Daycare Attendant (Sun specifically) in Help Wanted 2. My version of Sun's personality is almost exactly like the Sun in HW2, and I made him after playing Security Breach (the only difference being he cusses and that Moon is more chill).

I deadass looked at this cheerful weirdo we barely got to see in that game and went "he is both the only adult serving cunt and the most friendly guy to ONLY children out there". And now that's CANON. He is the exact opposite of that one meme image that has "fuck them kids" on it. Sun says "fuck them adults" lmao.