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just-some-random-blogger · 2 years ago

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You're Not Cute

Pedro Pascal x Reader

Summary: i saw a fucking tiktok of pedro reciting shakespeare and i will never forgive him for not letting me lie on his lap while he strokes my hair and recites said shakespeare to me. i thought you were a feminist pedrito?! i trusted you pepe. fuck you (me).

Word Count: 1k+

Warnings: gender neutral!reader, actor/actress!reader, reader has hair im sorry if ur bald T_T and whipped for pedro and reading this, established but not public relationship (shhh it'll make sense), pedro go to jail party, crack fic, fluff, typos, etc.

A/N: we all know pedro pascal watches his edits, but i wonder if he's ever... read fics of himself 💀💀💀💀 hi papi! if you're reading this first of all why second of all i love you the tiktok in question that has me at gunpoint tumblr. look at this gif. this is your man??? this is OUR man? fuck off. ALSO I HAVENT PROOFREAD THIS COS I GOT CHORES BYE Tagging: @pinksirensong @aralezinspace @sloanexx @amis-love-bugs @top1bbgloak @sunfairyy @djarinsstuff @mooniesyubi @pedropascalgirly @mmmmandoz

"Wooooweeee!"

My eyes dart from my reflection on the mirror to the grinning man who popped up from behind me. I turn to him just as he begins wiggling his brows. I make a face him as he narrows his eyes and snaps his fingers while trotting over to me, "looking good, mi amor," he rolls his tongue to mimic a purr and gestures like a cat, "RRRRRRRRRRR."

I roll my eyes at him as I chuckle, turning back to my reflection, "hands off Pedro."

He gasps in offence, raising his hands, "I haven't even touched you yet!"

I lean in to more clearly see the dark blue line I was drawing by my eyes, "ok then," I shrug, "sorry for assuming."

Pedro tilts his head and waves his hands, "apology accepted--" he moves forward until he was close enough to snake his arms around me, "--in form of touching you."

I huff at his shenanigans but do not fight him off. In fact, I lean into his back hug and rest my head against him as we both look at our reflections in the mirror. I motion to my face amidst my scrutiny, "is the eyeliner too much?"

"Nope," he kisses my temple then retorts rather seriously, "it's yas slay."

I make a face.

His serious expression only lasts two seconds before he explodes into laughter. I release a huff as I bring my hand to my face while he thoroughly enjoys his own stupidity. I release one airy chuckle before giving myself a final once over, deciding I looked well put together enough. He inhales deeply to catch his breath then sighs against me, "you smell soooo good."

"It's called a shower," I moved to elbow him off, "you should try it sometime."

I grunt as I struggle against him. I hiss when I feel his mouth on me, "PEDRO!"

He pulls back, all after managing to leave a wet bite on my neck.

Pedro recoils and raises his hands in defeat. I punch him on the chest before wiping his mark.

He sighs, "it's kinda hard to shower by yourself, ya know. I need some help. Also!" he points, "you're dirty now, you got a little," he motions to his neck, "dribble on you-"

"PEDRO PLEASE," I pinch my fingers together, "my interview is in like, ten minutes," I point at him and scold, "contain yourself. Stay in your room."

I begin to storm off and he watches, moaning like a baby, "you mean our ro-"

I feel him follow after me. I snap, "STAY IN YOUR ROOM!" halting in my tracks. I push him back as I grab the door knob. He gives me a puppy dog frown. I give him one last point before closing the door behind me on my way out, "stay here."

Alas. I was in the living room, with a laptop set up in front of me as I did my online interview. I was glad that my Pedrito followed my orders and stayed in the bedroom for the entire duration. Not long now before it ends.

I smile to the interviewers as they begin to wrap up our short segment. I, along with he two hosts from a live news channel, laugh at the closing remarks. Suddenly, I find myself looking out to my side when I see an incoming Pedro just about to pass by.

He was stretching as he walked. He looked like he managed a brief power nap.

Oh fucking shit, he's going to the bathroom. And he's going to pass behind me to get there.

"Now, do you want to invite your fans to watch your film?" the male host asks.

"Uhhh," I trial off, as I turn to my side, rather un-inconspicuously. Pedro was soooooooo close now.

I panic as I turn between my camera and my impeding doom, "uhhh."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Aint no way he was about to pass behind me and expose us like this.

THINK! WHAT DO WE DO?!??!

If I say his name, they're going to know it's him, but if I don't they're going to ask who I'm talking to anyway, but if I ignore him, he's going to pass and reveal himself. FUCKKKKK-

And in the split second of panic, I burst out the secret fourth option, and quite possibly the worst one, "FUCK!"

Yeah. Everyone stops.

Cue, my string of panicked apologize, "shit, I'm- fuck, SORRY SORRY SORRY!"

I catch Pedro, just as he realized what he has just done, or what he was about to do, rather.

"Sorry," I cover my hands on my face, "Sorry I-"

The interviewers laugh at me as I recuperate.

I sigh, turning to my side, "it's- there's a ghost that lives in my house."

"Oh, wow, you live in a haunted house?" the female host chuckles, "how thrilling."

"Yeah," I turn back to my camera, "it's quite stressful."

The interviewers chuckle as I regain composure and wave at my camera, "anyway, the ghost in my house says go watch the film with your loved ones, with family, friends, and your house ghosts too. We all worked very hard on the film, and we hope you enjoy it as much as we enjoyed working on it."

"Right!" Pedro agrees off camera, making me tense in my seat. He adds rather weakly as we make quick eye contact, "right."

The male host laughs, "wow, your ghost is really excited about this film."

"The ghost is going to get evicted soon. I'm calling an exorcist." I force a smile.

Finally, we say our goodbyes and I immediately shut my computer before any other fiasco happens.

"Sorry!" Pedro says immediately once he drops to his knees next to me, "I had booger brain. I woke up from a nap."

I look down at his messy hair and remorseful face. He grabs onto my legs and continuously apologizes to me.

I roll my eyes at him and tilt his head up at me as I grab him by his dark hair, "apology with tears."

He pouts, "I'm really, really sorry, baby. My booger brain..."

I release my grip on him and he immediately sits down next to me and pulls me into him. He continuously apologizes and I lean into his touch, beginning to feel bad for how genuinely remorseful he was. Just a little. He's kinda cute when he's pathetic like this.

"Pedro it's fine," I say, turning to him, pecking his lips repeatedly, "nothing happened. The hosts played it off too, which was really nice of them."

I crawl onto his lap and embrace him. He sighs and embraces me back. I nuzzle my face into his neck and murmur, "weren't you going to the bathroom?"

"Hmm? No, I was going to make a sandwich."

I snort, "of course you were."

I pull my head back and we look at each other. Pedro rubs my back. An idea springs into mind. I smile deviously, "I have decided that your apology will be in a form of Shakespeare."

When I shift off him to lie on the sofa and prop my head on his thigh, he looks down at me with furrowed brows. He brings his hands to his chest, "is the genuineness of my remorse not sufficient enough for you?"

"No, Don John," I sigh, "hark to me. From the top. Much Ado About Nothing."

Pedro chuckles airily before gathering my hair and pulling it back so that he could comb through it with his fingers. He sighs, and I turn to him as he scrunches his face, "I don't fucking remember."

"Do the, 'I must be sad when I...' like, feel like it, or some shit."

Pedro throws his head back and laughs. He sucks in a sharp breath, "like," he says with his exaggerated LA accent, "I have to be sad when I feel like I need to be sad."

"Exactly! Do that part," I giggle.

He continues, "I also will totally not smile at your lame jokes," he purses his lips and makes a face.

"Wait, that's what that means?"

Pedro nods at me, "yeah that's what that means."

"I thought that meant, like, I'll cry when I want to and smile when I want to."

"Well," he caresses my cheek, "you're not too far off."

I wave my hands, "ok, ok, now do the rest, and do it properly this time."

He playfully growls at me, "well, it's kinda hard to do Shakespeare when this cute lil thing is distracting me."

"Do better then."

"I'd rather do you."

"Pedro."

"What? You started it!"

I roll my eyes make a zipper motion to my mouth.

Pedro clears his throat. He mumbles some lines to himself to jog his memory, "... sleep when I am drowsy and tend on no man’s business," he states in an exaggerated manner, "laugh when I am merry and claw no man in his humor."

I hold in a laugh as he raises his hands in dramatics.

"And then," Pedro calls, "Conrad says something but I can't remember what he says."

"Pedro!" I whine.

"What?! I can't recite something I forgot, now can I?" he replies, busying himself with brushing my hair again.

I cross my arms, "boomer."

"Yeah, but I'm your boomer," he says pinches my nose. I wrangle against his actions and sequentially sit up.

Before I could retaliate, a phone rings across the room. It takes a second for me to realize it was I that received a phone call. I go ahead and answer upon seeing it was from my manager.

"Hello?"

"What have you done?!"

I pull my head back at her tone, "uh... hello to you too. What do you-"

"Are you aware you have a mirror behind your sofa?" she says.

I make a face. What does that-

I freeze, expression dropping as I turn to Pedro and slowly then to the mirror behind my sofa. There's a mirror behind my sofa. I have a fucking mirror behind my sofa.

My manager hums at my silence, "so, you want to make a statement with the ghost in your house before people catch on, or-"

I sigh as my manager begins to run down the possible things we could do. Pedro looks at me in concern as I wipe my face in frustration.

"Yeah, okay, okay. Let me call back in a minute. Bye."

Once I hang up, Pedro shifts on his spot and raises his brows at me.

I purse my lips, "they could see you in the mirror, Pedro."

He knits his brows, "see me in the mirror?"

I raise my brows at him.

He tries to piece it together, "see me in the... OH."

"Yeah, oh. My manager already spoke to yours, and they want to know what we want to do before people start making memes about your ugly face in my fucking mirror."

Pedro gives a guilty look. He throws his arm on the backrest and drops his head on his shoulder, "I... could change my name on Instagram to 'Ghost'."

I roll my eyes, "not fucking helping, Pedro."

"NO! But I'm serious, I-"

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