#woke rules

[isawthismeme]

Conservatives and their optics outrage, hilarious!

[opiopal]

I had the stupidest thought ever the moment I woke up, hear me out, OM au where everything’s the same, but the brothers call mc “human” because they didn’t catch their name when dia said it the first time and they’ve been too embarrassed to ask, and when mc finally realizes they don’t tell them but instead prolong the learning of their name,

imagine, everyone’s eating breakfast, they all just got back from the retreat the other day and a few pacts have already been made, breakfast feels a little tense at least between Luci and mc, however it’s silent. mc is just sitting calmly, ignoring luci glaring daggers at them, trying to remember what they need to do at RAD today, “I need to stop by the student council room and grab my note book… then i need to pick up a copy of the history assignment, and then go and turn in that potions essay- which I still need to put my…. Name…. On.” they pause their thoughts for a moment as their brows furrow, suddenly they look up from the plate and around the table,

Mc: do you guys know my name?

If the silence could get silent it did. But those who mc didn’t have a pact with looked annoyed but… glance away? The others avoid eye contact and their cheeks redden, mc raises a brow,

Mc: seriously guys? I’ve been here for how many months now?

mam: I- HEY- of course we know your name!

Mc: are you sure? Cause I’ve heard you guys call me anything but-

They pause as they go to say their name, watching everyone perk up slightly as they were getting ready to. Then they get an idea and go back to eating calmly,

luci, clearing his throat: you were saying?

Mc: hm? No I wasn’t saying,

luci: are… you sure?

Mc: yup! Since you guys are confident, I guess I shouldn’t have even brought it up!

for the next month or two mc avoids any information they could give the brothers that would hint at their name, they even get the others to just call them random nicknames instead of their actual name just to mess with them all. All the brothers are dying of embarrassment while mc thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world.

[ahollowgrave]

My birthday is next week (Oct 9th) and if I asked everyone to take thirst screens of their OCs as a gift for me.............. Would you?

[jadewritesficshere]

Would you rather

Eddie Munson x Reader

Synopsis: Eddie asks you a question late in the night (<1k words)

Contains: reader is not gendered, hypothetical questions, discussions of sex and oral sex (there is a reference to messy sex, specifically spit, but only one line and not in detail), clowns

18+only

You're laying on your side staring at the wall when his voice pierces the quiet. "Are you awake?" Eddie whispers in the dark. It's almost 2am. The last remnants of weed in your system should have made it easy to fall asleep, but not tonight. You roll onto your back and look over at him," Yeah?"

Eddie shuffles in the bed closer to you," Got a question." Eddie's hand lightly touches your arm, taps it a few times as if to make sure you were there, before retreating. His hand lays next to you, close enough you can feel the warmth. "It's pretty serious." He mumbles.

You can feel your heart beat faster. A pretty serious question could mean anything. Maybe it's about the Upside Down, maybe about your future togeth-

"Would you rather be considered the world's best kisser but be terrible at sex, or be the best at sex but a terrible kisser?"

You pause for a moment.

"That's your question?" You shake your head smiling. The bed shifts as Eddie presses his face into his pillow as if to hide," Nevermind, it's dum-" "It's not dumb! I'm just thinking." Your hand grasps his, squeezing it lightly. "Do i have time to make a pros and cons list?"

"Gut instinct." Eddie pokes at your side and you slap his hand away. "Clarification, does oral count as sex or kissing?" "Hmm," Eddie's brow furrows," I mean it's called oral sex right? So that implies sex."

"Oh then a terrible kisser and good at sex. Good for you and me right? Besides, what's a terrible kiss? A lil messy? You like that-" "Okay shut up!" Eddie slaps you with his pillow causing you to chuckle. Eddie shakes his head before returning his pillow to where it was.

"Now you get to ask one." Eddie's fingers tap out a rhythm against your interlocked hand. You hum, thinking deeply,"Would you love me if I was a worm?" "Thats not a would you rather!" "Okay, would you love me if I was a worm rather then a human."

"That's not- that isn't," Eddie laughs," Okay sure, uh, are you a human sized worm or a regular worm?" "Worm sized." "Do you keep your ass?" You both giggle at the imagery.

"Imagine a worm with just a huge ass," you gasp out," Do worms even have asses?" You both continue to giggle quietly, the bed shaking slightly from your laughter.

"Yeah. I would still love you. I just wake up one day and you've turned into a worm? No, yeah of course I'd still love you. Then I'd go and find the witch that cursed you. I'd galavant through the trees, singing songs of your beauty and our love. Once I find the witch, I'd fall to my knees and beg for them to turn you back." Eddie rambles on, weaving a magical tale of adventure.

"Where am I in all this?" You ask kicking his shin lightly. Eddie traps your leg in his," In my pocket. I'll knit you a little blanket. Wrap it around you. Make you a lil bed and-" You gasp," Like Slimey?" "Like Slimey." Eddie agrees shifting closer to you.

Your eyes have adjusted well to the darkness. You can see his hair going every direction. His lips are slightly chapped but still kissable. His tank top has shifted, showing off a scandalous amount of skin, tattoos, sparse chest hair, and his nipple.

"Would you rather fuck a clown or a mime?" Eddie whispers. "I already fuck a clown i fuck you." You bite your lip to hold back your laughter

Eddie's shocked gasp has you that laughter escaping. "That's it! We're done!" Eddie jokingly pushes away from you as you protest with an "I'm kidding!".

You scoot closer, grasping onto his bicep. You kiss his cheek and continue to murmur apologies. Eddie sighs loudly as he wraps his arms around you. "Calling me a clown," Eddie makes a noise of disgust whilst shaking his head.

Your laughter settles as you gaze into Eddie's eyes. Your noses are almost touching. You can feel the warm exhale of his breath against your face. Eddie kisses you lightly before looking imploringly into your eyes," No, but which would you rather fuck?"

You pause a moment to think. A grin starts to spread across your face," All I can imagine is you go to grab a clown's ass and it just makes one of those squeaky horn noises." Eddie giggles and then mimicks the noise, lightly grabbing your ass.

For whatever reason, it sets you both off laughing. Maybe it's the imagery. Maybe it's the fact that it's 2 am and you both are sleep deprived. Maybe it's the fact you both feel safe and comfortable to be yourself around each other. Maybe it's the leftover weed in your systems.

"Imagine-" Eddie wheezes on a laugh," you go to remove the underwear and as you remove it- wheeze- more just keeps coming. Like those handkerchiefs that never end." The laughter in the room grows louder.

You can feel Eddie's body shake with laughter as he holds you close. Your eyes well up with tears as you imagine Eddie doing a sexy lil dance, removing a pair of underwear from under his skirt, and more keep coming as he said.

A banging on the door causes you both to jump. "Will you two shut up, some of us are trying to sleep!" Steve's grumpy, sleep-addled voice breaks through the silence. "Sorry!" Eddie calls bashful. "Waking me up...got an early shift...need my beauty sleep..fucking fools..." Steve mutters, footsteps sounding as he walks away.

"I think he means fucking clowns." You whisper in Eddie's ear. A fit of giggles fills the air again as you lay in each other's arms.

[heshemejoshi]

going west

[buttdumplin]

thinking about sudden and surprise new parent reader fumbling at the little grocery store that has lights that are quiet enough, cart full of everything you think you might need but still you don't head for the register because what if you're missing something really important? and you don't have anyone you can call so you're left with a sweet sleeping infant and an arm that's screaming from having to hold her up and sweat pooling on your temples and the bittersweet scent of the desperate need for a pack that alex picks up the moment he steps through the automated doors. he quickly tracks you down, concern brimming, because you've never smelled like that before, you've always been friendly and chatted so sweetly when your carts have crossed paths and he always finds himself looking forward to bumping into you so what if this sudden change means it's because you're hurt? but when he spots you, smiling down at the little girl in your arms even as your eyes shine from unshed tears, he knows. he's yours, he was always meant to be, always belonged to you and that darling girl with a head full of dark hair

[mellonyheart]

Some mornings are heavenly. In the traditional human sense anyway.

You open your eyes lazily and slowly blink away speep. You're warm and cozy. Beside you, with an arm over your torso, is Mammon. Still fast asleep. Soft snores and bedhead. He looks so peaceful and you can't help the fond smile that graces your face. You never really want to get up.

Some mornings are... something else.

You wake up groggy and wonder why you feel like you're in a sauna. The answer is basically on top of you. Mammon is on his back and draped over your middle. Loud snoring and the occasional snort tell you he's still passed out. The blankets are... somewhere. And your feet are cold. You gotta pee but the demon is heavy. Is it even morning yet?!

May or may not be hungover too...

[bootleg-nessie]

The WOKE left is shoehorning women into EVERYTHING these days!!!!!1!!1!!!!1 Having them in porn is already bad enough but putting them in video games??? TOO FAR! They even forced me to have a woman present at my birth >:(

What will the woke mafia ruin next smh

[aleksanderscult]

That recent meta I wrote deserved this meme 😭

[iguessitsjustme]

I want Mhok to truly ghost. Disappear. I want Porjai to call Night looking for Day and for Day to tell her what happened. I want her to show up and yell at Day and let all of her worried about Mhok come to the surface. I want her to say “the last time I couldn’t find him, his sister died. What if it’s him this time?” I want Mhok to go to Hawaii and send Porjai a post card so she knows he’s alright. And I want Day to spend the time skip becoming independent and capable and worried. So, so worried because Mhok is gone and he has no way to know anything. Day’s gone to his house to find it vacant. Eventually Porjai tells him she got the post card so she knows Mhok is okay but that’s it. Day has to live with his regret. That *he* put his blindness over Mhok’s feelings and pain and hurt. And now Mhok is gone.

[turnipoddity]

I was talking to a friend about your art and when I showed them your tumblr they said they recognised the art from somewhere. They pulled up the Saw tag on Rule 34 😭😭

IM SORRY???

[therealhoodiewearer]

huffing too much robot boysmell and dying from chemical poisoning

[thebeigelunatics]

i think for standish's next birthday river and louisa should host an office-wide tournament where they play all of her favourite board games. the losers have to turn their work in on time for a month and stack it really neatly on her desk. i expect standish will win but if she doesn't, the winner is in charge of reminding river to restock the milk.

[hanzajesthanza]

(Adam Dudaczyk) The fact that vampires drink blood to get that *meaningful hand-neck gesture* - you made that up? (Andrzej Sapkowski) Yes, I didn't model myself on anyone here, I don't know anyone who wrote before me about the fact that vampires drink blood not to satisfy their hunger, but to satisfy their thirst for… entertainment. Texts: the guys sent me to get blood, I was flying drunk… The fun was great.

as i reread this i couldn't stop thinking of this meme

[couchsterfield]

oh my gosh more old sketches i found

Paul Denton vs Patrick Bateman

[t4transsexual]

this may be a controversial post especially in the trans/t4t dating sphere and all love to girlcock too and all but if you dont like pussy you should not date trans women lol