#without that there's a lot of context missing & i don't mean to hide things from my literal best friend but like

[syabm]

Radfems aren't exactly leftists. They're pretty roundly shunned by leftists because of their transphobia.

BZZT! Wrong!

TERFs are hated, because they hate trans ladies, who out-minority regular ladies. Non-TERF radfems have mostly been ignored as an embarrassment, like Rochester's wife in the attic.

Frankly, I think it's quite telling that the only type of feminists it's okay for mainstream progressives to openly hate are two degrees from regular feminism.

And even then, a lot of people ignore how the hatred of trans women is from hating men, and misuse "TERF" as a shorthand for "anyone considered transphobic".

Including me. And I'm a man.

Also, they don't stop being leftists just because other leftists hate them. By that logic, all the times communists and socialists have tussled means neither of those groups were leftist.

Please note that I have seen quite a few explicitly leftist radfems.

Most of my friends are leftist women. If they hate me for being a man, they hide it well. Even the lesbians.

Your experiences are not universal.

Such as, somehow, missing the Man vs Bear In The Woods meme. Or the M&Ms meme. Or Schrodinger's Rapist. Or Russian Roulette.

In fact, feminists have spent a lot of time and effort on ways to say it's perfectly fine for women to assume a man is a bad person by default.

To say any group dominated by men will be misogynist, but not being worried about the converse, ever.

I think that qualifies as "hate".

"funny how women dont turn to fascism and rightwing politics in masses because of the hatred and discrimination we are and have been faced with for centuries 🤨" Don't take things out of context.

See, I interpreted that part as the cause.

Saying women aren't becoming right wing "in masses", and it is because they have been discriminated against for centuries.

You could argue that the radfems I mentioned are an exception to the rule I pointed out of how right-wing women downplay misogyny to spite feminism, but radfems don't neatly fall on either side of the left/right divide. They're too feminist for the right and too transphobic for the left.

Here's a clue. The name.

Feminists are progressives. Radical feminists, as the name would indicate, are extremists, so they're just further along that line.

Which leaves them progressive-to-leftist, IME.

Also, Trans-Inclusionary radfems are a thing.

I'm not sure why you're devoting so much effort to addressing this one tangent, instead of my much more important and relevant points.

But I can guess.

I just want to remind you that I consider you someone who is always wrong and acts out of left-wing partisanship, so I have literally no reason to believe a word you say without very, very good evidence.

Also, my hands are cramping now, and this is already off topic, so I'm gonna stop. Night!

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[mourningcttlfsh]

uhh its in the tags but like vent tw?? kinda (especially the tags) sorry this is also like a bit long

does anybody else just like. not talk to people not because you don't enjoy talking to people in fact you love talking to people so much & wish you could do it more but because you feel like you have nothing interesting to say & the other person is probably going to think you're cringe & they won't want to be your friend anymore & also they don't care about a single word that comes out of your mouth even though said person has never done anything to show that they would react in this way or is it just me ahaha

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Silent Treatment

SUMMARY: How would they react to you giving them the Silent Treatment?

CHARACTERS: Demon Brothers (Lucifer; Mammon; Leviathan; Satan; Asmodeus; Beelzebub & Belphegor)

TAGS: Fluff; GN Reader 

WORD COUNT: An average of 540 words per character.

COMMENTS: I remember I had this idea after reading that Mammon had stolen and sold something from MC. MC used STAY on him, but if he did that to me I would be so upset that I would want him to suffer more than that. And I thought about the silent treatment, which would certainly be his worst nightmare. And that's why I thought of making this post. Beel's part is the shortest, but you'll see why.

I hope you enjoy 🤫

CONTEXT: This takes place in the Original timeline and not Nightbringer. So, to make matters worse for them/him, you live with them in the House of Lamentation.

Your argument was probably about Lucifer working too much and you wanting to give him a break. But his stress mixed with pride made him deny this offer in a rather mean and perhaps even disrespectful way.

Does he not want you to bother him? Very well then. What if you never bother him again?

At home, you ignore him. He tries to talk to you, but seeing how stubborn you are he ends up giving up. But this is already bothering him a lot.

At school, if necessary, you will talk to him about importante matters related to RAD as if he were any other student at school. And that's it. Anything else outside of that, you will continue to ignore it.

And that just makes everything worse for him. To have YOU of all people talk to him like he was just any student?! Not only does this hurt his pride, but this small sample of conversation with you makes him miss you more and more. But he will continue to hide it.

The last straw will be at home, when he asks you something directly and you ask one of his brothers to answer for you. Bonus if it's someone from the Anti-Lucifer League. But he must have lasted two or three days without talking to you.

He will lure you to his office, where it all started. Maybe he'll tell you to go get some important papers. You won't see him inside, but as soon as you're close to the desk you'll hear the door closing and locking. And that's when you see him calmly walking down the office stairs to meet you.

“So you decided to give me the silent treatment.” Lucifer says as he walks down the stairs.

“Didn't you want me to leave you alone?” You say, still not looking at him.

“I never said that and you are perfectly aware of that.” He finishes down the stairs and walks over to you. “I just didn't want to rest because I needed to finish that.” You don't answer him again. He already knows what you think about that. Your back is to him and he stops right behind you. “*Sigh* I'm sorry. I know you only want me well. I was just... I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I promise that next time I will consider the break.”

His voice is sad, so you know he was being sincere. But you wanted to see how much he missed you, so you remained silent and with your back turned to him. And he knows you. He knows what you want. He sighs again, more deeply, as if you're making him admit something that hurts his pride.

“Please... I miss you...” You haven't turned around yet. That wasn't enough and it bothers him. You had his desk in front of you.

He rests his hand on the table, leaning on it, and leans in to bring his face closer to yours. “Now you're just teasing me, aren't you?” He was now with that smug on his face. And he sees you give a little smile, which was the sign he understood to move forward. He holds your chin and makes you face him. “You missed me too, didn't you?” he whispers near your lips “You little tease.” And he kisses you passionately and provocatively.

Mammon probably sold something of yours. Or maybe another things of yours. Of course, you hate it when he does that. So you decide to give him the silent treatment, because you know, you know perfectly well that he won't handle it. There is nothing else you can be so sure about as this.

The moment he realizes what you are doing, he collapses. The day wasn't even over yet. In fact, you were on break from classes.

He even gets kicked out of class for constantly trying to talk to you.

You know how much he hates being ignored and being ignored by you breaks his heart into pieces.

He wants to resolve this as quickly as possible, but not in front of his brothers. He waits for you to be alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your door and you ask who it is.

“It's me, the Great Mammon. I got your stuff back. All of them. Open the door and see.”

You decide to open the door, even if it was just out of curiosity and you see Mammon holding so many things that you can barely see his face. You can see your stuff that he sold and some gifts like a teddy bear, chocolates, clothes, accessories, your favourite nerd/geek/otako related stuff, etc... You let him in and put all that on top of your bed.

“I got it all back! But, um, you don't mind if some of them are new right? I also bought you more things. These are your favourite chocolates, right? And you really wanted this plush, didn't you?”

You remain silent, looking at him with your arms crossed. This already happened once and he sold your things again.

“I won't sell your stuff again, I promise. You can hit me with your stay if I ever do it again.”

You turn your back on him and go do something, like homework for example. You went back to ignoring him because he used that excuse before.

“Please hang me upside down like Lucifer, use your stay on me at full power, but please stop ignoring me.” he sounds desperate.

You sit at the table you have in the room behind the bed. Continuing to ignore him. The next scene you see is him kneeling next to you, his head at the same level as your thighs, and looking at you like a puppy with tears starting to come out of his eyes.

“Please. I never thought this was so bad. I can't stand not having you anymore. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. Damn it, I miss you yelling at me.” He places his chin on your thigh, looking at you. “Please, talk to me again~”

You can't take so much cuteness anymore. “Don't sell my stuff again! You hear me, you idiot?!”

His face lights up. "Am I forgiven?"

“Yes, for now you are.”

He gets up and hugs you, showering you with kisses. He won't leave you alone for the rest of the day.

Levi would hardly do anything that deserved the silent treatment. He practically idolizes you, he would never do anything to hurt you. So, something like this would definitely have been an accident.

He had arranged a date with you. But then an Ruri-chan's event came up and he ended up going to it instead of going to you. He got the dates wrong and thought the date with you was the next day.

And he only realized this mistake when the next day he sent you a message asking where you were and if you had forgotten about the date, and you replied that he was the one who forgot that the date had been the day before.

After that, you are bombarded with messages apologizing and saying how much of a complete idiot he is and doesn't deserve you. You don't respond anymore, which leaves him in a dilemma to decide whether to go to you or never see you again because you don't deserve to hear the excuses of someone as pathetic as him.

But he has to do it! He has to apologize to you in person! Even if it means you telling him to his face that you never want to see him again. He would deserve it anyway.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. The moment you open the door, Levi kneels down and places his forehead on the floor.

“I am so sorry! I'm an embarrassment of a partner. I don't even deserve your forgiveness. But I needed to show you my regret.”

Maybe you were already feeling a little bad for him, but you were also curious to know how far your silence could take him. You turned away from the door, gesturing for him to enter your room.

He enters with mixed feelings, on the one hand he was afraid of what you could do if you wanted to punish him. On the other hand... wasn't he kinda into those things?

But no, you just sit on the bed and use your cell phone to send a message to Levi, asking why he missed the date the day before. You still needed to talk to him, but not yet with your voice that he loves so much. When he happily tells you that it was because of Ruri-chan's event, you look even more upset.

“N-N-N-N-NO WAIT! I'm so sorry! Exchanging you for anyone else, even Ruri-chan is unforgivable! I should have warned you. I wanted to tell you, but it was all so short notice.”

You still didn't say anything and even crossed your arms with a sulky expression. He kneels at your feet and gets so close to your legs that he could even hug them.

“I know that what I did was a complete betrayal, and a wretch like me doesn't deserve another opportunity, but please, just let me hear your voice one last time, even if it's to say that you hate me.”

And you finally break. You know he didn't do it out of spite and you've already punished him enough. You know you're practically torturing him at this point.

Regardless of how you say or show that you forgive him, he will praise you, maybe even cry and if you let him hug you, he will cling to you desperately.

Satan was probably on a bad day. A really bad day. That kind of day where anything irritates him, even you trying to calm him down. And he ended up saying what he would regret the moment you left his side: He told you to shut up.

And that's what you did, but for longer than he was expecting. He realized you were giving him the silent treatment when he came up to you to ask if the two of you could talk alone, so he could apologize to you, and you acted like he wasn't there. He was upset at first, but soon after he realized that that was exactly what led to this situation.

He won't try to talk to you in public again. He's prideful too. He'll wait until you two get home, and you are alone in your room.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door. When you open it, you see Satan with a big bouquet of flowers in his hands. Either they're your favourite flowers, or your favourite colour or anything he knows you would like.

“Would you allow me to speak to you, please?” He wasn't angry, he was sorry and you could see it in his eyes.

You don't answer, but you let him into your room. If you pick up the flowers, he'll be a little more relieved. But if not, he'll put them on the table and get a little more worried.

“I'm so sorry. I should never talk to you like that. I regretted my words the moment you walked out the door. I realize what you are doing, you are doing what I asked you to do, and it tears me apart. I'm not mad at what you're doing to me, I deserve it and worse.” He kneels in front of you and bows his head. “But please tell me what I have to do for you to forgive me. Because no words can mend the ones I used.”

If those words weren't enough for you and you're feeling like he deserves to "suffer" a little more for the way he treated you, you send him a message (he still doesn't deserve to hear your voice) saying that if he's really sorry about that, he could be your cat butler for a day.

He lifts his head and looks at you, blushing slightly. “With a condition: It will be for your eyes and your eyes alone! No making me go to the kitchen or something while any of my brothers is there!”

And if you agree, he will do it. Any request he will fulfill. If you tell him to end his sentences with "Nya" he will do it, partially embarrassed but partially enjoying it.

And at the end of the day, when you finally let him hear your voice again saying that you forgive him, but that you hope it doesn't happen again, he smiles, kiss your hands like a gentleman and asks permission to hug and kiss you again, after so long.

There's a good chance you decided to do this because you started seeing Asmo with more and more succubuses and incubuses.

Well, if he likes being with them so much instead of you, let's see what happens if you prefer to talk to the other brothers instead of him.

He starts the day with no idea what you've decided to do, so he compliments everyone, especially you. And the moment you don't greet him back he knows something is very wrong.

He cannot, nor does he want to, hide how devastated he already is. Of all the demon brothers he is the one who loves attention the most and not getting it from YOU is the worst thing that could happen to him.

In return, you will have ALL his attention. He won't leave you for a second. He needs to know what happened, even if he has to make a dramatic spectacle at your feet.

He will speak to you in the sweetest of voices, calling you all the affectionate names he knows of, even if he has to do so in other languages. Hon, honey, love, darling, Mon cher, mon amour, mi amor, amore mio...

If you just want to talk to him at the House of Lamentation, you'll have to ask the other brothers to basically be your bodyguards. Which will only make the situation worse for Asmo. And more fun for his brothers.

When you get home you tell one of the brothers to tell Asmo that when you are available to talk to him you will send him a message.

You were alone in your room when you sent the message to Asmo saying that you could "talk" in your room. Not a second had passed when he knocked on your door, almost as if he had been waiting in the hallway that entire time.

He’ll walk in like a happy puppy whose owner has finally opened the door for him. He will try to hug you, but you can't give in. You stray, cross your arms and looks in any direction other than at him.

“Why are you being so mean to me?” he asks in that cute, sad voice. “What could someone as cute as me have done to deserve this?”

To continue guarding your voice until he deserves to hear it, you write and send him a message. In it you talk about the succubuses and incubuses with whom he took a ton of photos and posted a bunch of stories, and it started to be much more than normal.

“Aww, my little sheep is jealous, that's so cute!” You turn your back to him. “HA! NO! Wait! I'm sorry! I'm so so sorry! I thought you knew that you are the one I love the most in all three worlds. I love you almost as much as I love myself. I couldn't say no to my fans. Oh, I know! What if we spend a whole day together? What if we went on a special date? I can prepare everything! I'll reserve a table at your favorite restaurant. I can even buy you new clothes if you want.” You turned back to him, but still didn't say anything. “Pwease, talk to me again~ I'm sowwy~”

If you accept his apology and tell him so with your voice, he will hug you and kiss you al over your face. “Ahhh! I missed you so much~!”

Honestly, I can't imagine a single scenario where Beel would do something that would deserve the silent treatment. He's the type to apologize even if it's not his fault. Even if he ate something of yours, he would apologize in the next second.

So, most likely, you and Belphie were just curious to know how Beel would react. And this would probably happen after you had done this to everyone else but him and his brothers wanted to know how he would react.

At breakfast he greets everyone, but you're the only one who doesn't greet him back. And you already feel horrible because you can feel his sad gaze on you.

"(Y/N)? Is everything okay?" he asks in an already apologetic voice. You still don't answer him, and that hurts so much, poor thing.

The other brothers tell Beel to start eating otherwise everyone will be late. But he says he doesn't want to. And everyone looks at him in amazement, except you. He is looking at you and only you, no one else matters, not even the food.

“Are you angry with me? I'm sorry. I'm not sure what I did this time, but I'm sorry. Did I eat something that was yours?” You still don't respond but you're almost at your breaking point. “(Y/N)?” He says your name in the cutest regretful voice that only he could do and you break down.

You turn to him and hug him, apologizing. You explain that he didn't do anything and explain that everything is fine. If you offer him the rest of your breakfast he will be very happy.

But he will be much closer to you for the rest of the day. It hurt him a lot and he just wants to make sure that everything was really okay. He will really like it if you two cuddle a little when your back home.

What could he do to make you mad at him? *cough* Lesson 16 *cough*. Anyway. There's a good chance he's been a little more selfish lately. Always wanting your free time to be spent with him, and try to convince you to fall into the temptation of laziness and exchange your responsibilities for him.

He needed to learn a lesson. He needed to value you more and realize that you are not a guarantee. Let's see what happens if he no longer has you.

He realizes something is wrong when you don't respond to him.

He tries to convince you to talk to him by being cute. That younger brother cuteness that he always uses against his brothers.

When he realizes that this isn't going to work, he isn't exactly going to give up. He will stop trying to convince you with words, yes. But he won't leave your side. He will be almost like a ghost behind you. At least until you all get home.

You'll have to lose him or convince his brothers to help you if you don't want him to follow you to your room the moment you get to the House of Lamentation.

If you manage to do this, you will be bombarded with messages until you finally respond saying he can come talk to you in your room.

He knocks on your bedroom door like he normally does. As soon as you let him in and close the door he will get extremely close to you, but he won't hug you no matter how much he wants to. He knows that could make the situation worse.

“So, what happened?” he asks close to your ear and in his calm voice. “Why are you upset with me?”

You poke your head in a gesture.

“Do you want me to think? To guess? *Sigh* Fine...” he says pouting sadly. “Um... I know you get upset because I make you late with your work. Sorry. I promise I'll stop being so pushy about that. But, you know I want to be with you.”

That was a good start, but it still wasn't enough for you. You had your back turned to him without speaking.

“You know, it really hurts to see you mad at me like this. I miss you.” and then it hits him. “Oh... that’s it, I miss you. I don’t think anyone likes to be seen as a guarantee, right? I'm sorry, for being so selfish with you. You always try to make me happy by giving in to my whims, I should do the same for you more often... I mean, I will do the same for you more often. I promise.” You turn to him, but still don't say anything. “um... What if... tomorrow, I have to give in to whatever whims you have? But go easy on me, okay?”

You accept the deal, and tell him so. He laughs, saying that he already missed hearing your voice so much. And if you let him, he'll hug you.

“We still have a lot of time until dinner, and I miss your cuddles. You're not going to say you didn't miss me too, right? Come on, just a few minutes. I promise I'll spoil you more than you spoil me, he he.”

If you would like to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[discursiverecursion]

Psst... Queer American fam...

A lot of us are in survival mode right now, and who knows how long that is going to last. An onslaught could begin the first day, or it could be relatively quiet until a storm breaks, so our background stress/anxiety levels are going to be high, and some of the effects of excess circulating cortisol include anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, headaches, digestive problems, and problems with memory and focus.

It’s normal to be struggling right now.

It means you’re human.

I know this sounds bad, but I’m restating a thing I think many people already know, because the thing is, a common tactic of the Right is to put people in a stressful situation and then blame them for their response to it (I’ve seen this referred to in other contexts as “reactive trauma”). As queer folks and people being targeted, we might think we are immune to this, but it works more insidiously than that. It can tear us apart, and it plays out like the following:

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As violence towards our community escalates, they will start publically pointing at things “we are doing” that are “causing” the escalation. 

They will use this term “we”, because they don’t understand that we are not homogeneous.

Sometimes we ourselves, as individuals, will not be part of that “we”. 

It will be terrifying, in that moment, to have rights stripped away (or worse) without having any perceived control, and that lack of control will feel like it is due to the actions of another being blamed on you. 

DON’T FALL FOR IT THOUGH!

This is misdirection. They do not have to hurt us, even if we are loudly gay, even if we protest the ways they are hurting us already.

Please, please don’t let yourself get to a safe place and wonder why others aren’t hiding. You are allowed to keep yourself safe. In fact, I encourage it, but please remember that those of us fighting this thing publicly are not the enemy. We need your support and solidarity.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

We are a big family with many different survival strategies:

We don't all have to utilize the same one

We don't have to stick with our original choice over time

We are not bound to only using one at a time

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m going to end this with a list of some survival strategies found in nature, because I'm definitely rambling and this was the thought I actually started typing this post with:

Do you recognize any of your own strategies in the list below?

Do you recognize any that are the opposite?

Can you hold that we are all in this together coping in our own ways, that we are not each others’ enemies?

Can you remember that "health" is a social construct, and that a strategy doesn't have to be the "best" one for it to be functional for the time being to keep someone alive?

I hope you can, because we will need each other to get through the coming years.

—---------------------------------------------------------------------------

STRATEGIES:

Becoming a spore (more info) - Shutting down completely for a bit - Sleeping more - Building mental walls

Playing dead (more info) - Retreating from social life  - Retreating from social media - Missing work

Camouflage (more info) - Going back in the closet - Codeswitching - Becoming extremely quiet

Mimicry of a more dangerous creature (more info) - Being argumentative/loud - Being assertive - Presenting even more queerly

Nocturnality (more info) - Nocturnality - Avoiding people - Staying in a social bubble

Distraction (more info) - Drag - Hacking - Certain forms of protest

Pursuit-Deterrent Signals (more info) - Making oneself needed - Feigning compliance - Presenting in “stealth” mode

Mobbing (more info) - Protests - Taking down websites - Coworker solidarity to create workspace change

Staying in the middle of a group (more info) - Being in community support networks - Going to therapy - Getting to know your neighbors

Sounding an alarm (more info) - Being loud on social media - Being loud in the workplace - Naming the quiet parts out loud

[togglesbloggle]

In Defense of Bad Things

'Bad' here meaning mostly 'amateur'; stuff made enthusiastically by people at an unprofessional level. Art with visible gaps between what the artist imagined and what they achieved, products of flawed craftsmanship. I suppose everybody can appreciate them to some extent, it's a rare parent that doesn't put up their kid's drawings on the fridge in one way or another. But it turns out to be a fully general skill you can cultivate, and the more I do, the more I'm glad I did.

Partly, it's the teacher thing; finding delight in amateur work is one of the ways to find delight in the process of learning. Cultivating a love of striving-qua-striving can help make you a force for good in the world, as people start to feel safe trying to do things when you're around, even when their efforts are wobbly. You get to participate a little more in the process of atoms spinning themselves into ideas, even when there aren't any illusions about whether you're helping cultivate some revolutionary genius in the field.

And partly it's a fabulous way to build community. By necessity, our professional-level skills tend to be at the service of other people, performed for economic benefit; that's kind of how you get professionally good at something in the first place. When we're acting for our own sake, and among friends, most of what we do with one another is amateurish. I only cook middling-okay, I can't hold a tune that well, I'll never be a speed runner for anything. If you can only enjoy singing from the hundred best singers in the whole world, manufactured and polished by major studios, then you and your friends will sit shoulder-to-shoulder and passively listen to music. But it's so much richer an experience to sit face-to-face, actually singing together, even badly; you expose yourself to so many new ways to appreciate and respect one another, building relationships on what you've accomplished and not just by witty criticism or liking the same things.

And partly it's because some of the most powerful and innovative artistic experiences are in high-churn environments with low expectations and low barriers to entry, if only because those catch the passionate and driven young people that have been otherwise overlooked by our systems. The golden age of webcomics meant that a ton of the actual art involved was pretty lousy, but it also produced work that people still talk about today. D&D began as a profoundly unpolished collection of handmade rulebooks sold at cons in a plastic baggie. By the time these products of enthusiastic amateurs filter themselves through various levels of popularity and absorb mainstream cash influx, they're often risk-averse and missing a lot of the bold spark that inspired their fans in the first place; others will simply never drift towards the mainstream at all. I'm not saying you should be the person who goes out to dig through the slush piles of the internet looking for overlooked art, unless you want to be-- but sometimes a work of actual staggering genius also happens to be a Supernatural fanfic by a first-time author who's a little hazy on commas, and if that's a dealbreaker, you're going to miss out on some profoundly valuable experiences.

And hiding behind all of these things is, like...

Our appreciation of beauty has an odd structure, right? When things are done very skillfully, by brilliant artists with years of training, we can usually appreciate those accomplishments. And when we're looking at nature without human influence, and especially when we think very deeply about natural processes and understand them in context, we often rediscover that sense of beauty. There's just this bizarre hole in the middle where we declare things 'ugly'; as if a little skill is worse than none at all.

I really don't trust that gap. It feels like a trick my brain is playing on me, you know? It has me suspicious that a lot of what I consider 'ugly' or 'bad' is not a very direct experience of the world at all, or an informed judgment. That it is, rather, a declaration of (self-, social-) identity; a desire to be seen as a person of good taste, or as somebody who does things well, or just more primitively as one of the monkeys who is in the good-stuff-tribe and not one of the monkeys who is in the bad-stuff-tribe.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Mini & Moni Music was... interesting, kind of concerning? We really know so little about the members - especially if you're like me and don't watch all the lives and documentaries, and read every book or interview. Even if I did all that, though, I wouldn't know much. The more honest they are, the more obvious it is they're "hiding" so much from us and how little we know them. This honesty unintentionally increases the disconnect between us and them, throwing every memory of them in a different light. A lot of the intimacy we feel/felt isn't real because, sometimes, when they look happy they're actually struggling while we enjoy ourselves and their "happiness".

The thing about RM for me is I've struggled to understand him, even if I probably have more in common with him than other members. The way he expresses himself is very opaque to me. I lack the sensibility, or context, I guess, to understand his thought process.

This special content between Jimin and Namjoon was a bit sad. RM doesn't seem happy. Every year, I feel like he reveals that he wasn't happy in the previous year. Has there been any year where Namjoon didn't suddenly reveal he'd been struggling? Because last year he made it seem as if he'd been doing pretty well, and I guess he was better at some point, while working on RPWP, but he'd been having a really rough time. Hearing him say he had to distance himself from BTS in order to heal (I think in 2023, after Indigo, but also applies to chapter 2 in general?) and Jimin saying the members thought he liked them less now... was sad.

RM really had(s) been struggling with the group. I know Hobi really wanted a chance to do something solo, but Festa dinner still feels mostly like it was brought on by Namjoon. I'm pretty sure Jungkook, Jimin, Jin, Suga, and V would've been fine carrying on with group activities with little to no solo activities, and Hobi only wanted a chance to do something different, not necessarily a big break from the group (I think; I haven't watched a lot of chapter 2 solo content, maybe I'm wrong). But RM was truly "done", to the point where the members felt him pulling away from them... RM popping up during one of Jungkook's live and their whole interaction kind of takes on a new meaning. Jungkook had been really happy to talk to Namjoon, and Namjoon said he missed Jungkook and that they needed to hang out. At the time maybe RM had already created distance between himself and the members so they missed each other a lot and there was a kind of uncertainty in their relationship.

I believe in BTS, but this content has made RM, the leader, seem the least excited about BTS, which may be untrue - contradictory and conflicted feelings can coexist. I kind of became concerned about how they'll return as a group (and what that will sound like...) if RM just looks so burnt out and even regretful about many things in their past (like his seriousness before). I know that each member struggled a lot, and for every hard moment there is a good one RM remembers, but I hope that when he comes back he learns how to enjoy being in the group again (or maybe for the first time; maybe he never really knew how to love the group without feeling weighted down by it). Like he says, RM speaks for the group. Most of Festa seems like him speaking for the group while the group itself didn't share his feelings completely but wanted to support him. It's ironic because RM said he feared that the group only represented his thoughts and not the group's, but I really want to know what the other members think. Suga, for example, has always blamed their hiatus on the enlistment, whereas Namjoon has made it clear that wasn't the main reason.

I don't know, I know the group has been through a lot, including the time they almost disbanded (I say almost, but how close were they, truly? Thinking heavily about something and having the intention of doing it are quite different), but this made me lose confidence in the group a bit, at least in RM. In the eyes of the members he's equated to BTS, but it seems like he's drifted apart from them. That's life, but as a fan it was hard to hear. Maybe they all feel the same, and I'm putting it all on Namjoon... This conversation with Jimin was very negative, but that's not the whole truth, and I shouldn't forget that.

[alexanderwales]

Game Review: Final Fantasy 7 Remake

I'll try to keep this one short.

In theory, I am the sort of person that this game was made for. I played the original Final Fantasy 7 on the original Playstation around 1999, when I was thirteen years old. I have a lot of nostalgia for it.

Unfortunately, it's been 25 years.

Doubly unfortunately, the game, in spite of its name, is not actually a remake.

I go into a lot of games very blind, mostly because I tend to play them either right when they come out (when there's not yet any discourse) or years after they come out (when I've missed everything people are saying). And then I also don't tend to seek out discourse for things until after I've experienced them anyway, which means that I don't have a lot of priming.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake does some alternate timeline fighting against fate things that are supposed to be in conversation with the original game, a path of destiny that they're deviating from in a diegetic way. This did not at all work for me, because my memory of the original game was far too fuzzy: the game covers just the Midgar section of the original, which was a scant four to six hours that I played an entire lifetime ago.

The story sort of works without the context of extensive comparison to the original, but there's a lot that was confusing and was clearly meant to have an impact that was lost on me. The whispers seem to show up when the game threatens to diverge from canon, and ... you know, even when I had made that connection, it was just totally lost on me what canon event was being dodged. If I had known that this was one of the conceits of the game, I would have played the Midgar section of the original first. If I had done that, maybe I would have liked the game better.

Setting all that aside, how is it as a game?

I have two major gripes. The first is that this is a game that just completely disrespects my time with long, repetitive animations and significant portions of playtime that are just "hold left stick forward". Some of this is probably to hiding loading as I was repeatedly squeezing through cracks, but I don't care why it happens, only that it happens and is annoying. The game also liked to give me slow-moving cutscenes that are communicating nothing, and likes to slow Cloud down to a trot, and in general feels sluggish in a way that I kind of hated.

The other major gripe is the combat, which is a weird hybrid of real-time and turn-based. The original was kind of turn-based, and here they gave Cloud a dodge-roll, guard, and basic attack. I personally did not feel like this worked basically at all, but it might be because the dodge roll screams "Dark Souls" to me and then the actual combat has poorly telegraphed attacks with incredibly difficult wind ups and undodgeable stuff. The combat really seems to love long "get back up" animations, interrupts, stunlocks, and other things that take away control, which I despise. I wouldn't say it was hard, but even toward the end I wasn't sure I was playing it "right". In Dark Souls, taking damage is a sign that you're doing something wrong, but this game seems to just assume that you're constantly being whittled down and will need periodic heals. Very possibly a skill issue here, but if it was, then the game's too easy, since I never really had much trouble.

In terms of my overall enjoyment, I think the game was at its best when it was driving forward and being big and ridiculous. Cloud has his huge sword, Barret has his machine gun arm, Midgar is class struggle incarnate, Sephiroth has his angel wing, and it's very fun when it's over the top. Where the game was at its worst, it was giving me busywork and adding in filler. There's a thing a lot of games do where they put their money into the huge set pieces and then skimp on everything else, and for this game, I could really tell, not just in the texture and animations, but the writing. I think I did about half of the side stuff, and if I had to do it over, I would have done less. When I was tearing through Shinra dudes going up the tower? That was great. When I was fighting endless enemies in the lab for not that much reason? Much less great. There was lots of stuff that could have been cut to improve the experience. The ending goes on for far, far too long, with way too many battles, some of which seem like they were added just to have another setpiece.

Since it's been so long since I've played the original, I was getting reintroduced to the characters. Tifa is still the best, Cloud is much more of a nothing character than I remembered him, I think they gave Barret more clear politics, and Aerith ... I still feel like I don't have that much of a sense of her, maybe because there's so much she's keeping to herself for so much of the game (I had never liked her much, for reasons that are still kind of unclear to me). Aerith and Tifa are a great pair though, which I don't think I remember from the original. The love triangle thing doesn't work for me, however.

I'm not sure I'm going to play Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth. Remake was just way too slow for my tastes, roughly 30 hours of what could have been a 10 hour story. My enjoyment of the combat went from "merely okay" to "hate this", with the one highlight being the one-on-one fight with Rufus on top of the Shinra building, maybe because it felt more controlled. Another thirty hours does not really appeal to me, at least right now. I probably will play the Midgar section of the original, especially since that should only take a sliver of time. Maybe that will retroactively make me like this game more.

I was hoping that Remake would make me feel like I felt when I was 13, which I've found remakes and remasters can sometimes achieve, and I only got a few flashes of that.

[notvv0ltz]

Self

Alright everyone, this topic isn't going to be about an art but rather about self… Or selves (foreshadowing). I'm writing this because not much of people are describing their experiences in this complicated sense of self.

So, like… Originally this post was planned to go deep through my traumatic experiences, but then I realized that no one needs to hear that. And it was also mentally breaking to me, so I will mention things only briefly just to give a context.

Still, the warning stays the same: my opinion on such matter and use of terms may differ from your own, and it still stays as an extremely personal post from a mentally ill person, read at your own risk.

I'm a guy who lives in a much better place now with queer found family, but before that my life quite sucked. I can barely remember my childhood, but I know that my trust was betrayed, and I couldn't rely on people in real life at all for different reasons. Not going into details of this one, but I'll just say this: I feel physically unwell when people are angry at me, especially when they're gaslighting me, and that's not without a reason. There was also a time when one parental figure drank heavily since I was 4 and continues to do so in a "mild" manner. I also have a physical evidence that I was "too tired" when I was 6 already. Overall, there were situations which my brain perceived as not safe.

It all made me socially isolated and apathetic for a long period of time. And I also had a vivid imagination. So vivid that I could stare at ceilings for hours without moving. It became maladaptive at my worse periods of life and disrupted me from doing schoolwork. But out of every other ways to cope I could have at that time, this one was the most harmless.

This had its own consequences, though… Everything changed when I had a breakdown in teens and I started feeling someone patting my back, but no one was there. It was my character (if you know, you know), that since then lives rent-free in my head.

What that truly was is still unknown to me, like why he suddenly feels like a very real person talking to me and why his speech doesn't feel scripted at all. He progressed from being my protector from The Bad to someone with his own desires and urges that contradict mine. To someone who disagrees with me sometimes and gives me another perspective. To someone who feels differently. But at the same time, with a lot of similarities because, well, we share the same brain.

What did none of us expect is that there were times when he took control of the body. No one from outside notices anything different, but internally it was quite weird to hear myself in my head in a muted way, as if I'm in a backstage. And it was odd and agonizing even for him to control the body that didn't reflect at all his self-image. Every time it happens, we prefer to wait out when he goes back to the "backstage". He is very ashamed of his own existence, so if he ever makes an attempt to not hide, please be nice to him.

Even with such complications, I love him very deeply. Without him, I wouldn't survive, and I'm serious about this. He helped me to process emotions, "co-piloted" when I was in severe stress, he made me feel less alone and misunderstood.

I think, at it's core, it's a healthy coping mechanism. It's just that there are conflicts that are unresolved, and that requires a therapist. I also tried to fit in plural communities, but it did literally nothing good to us. We felt like we needed to qualify for the label and thought that I'm just asking for attention despite us documenting our "huh that's interesting" moments. Because I'm in a better state, the other guy in my head appears less, but that doesn't deny that I have something going on. I don't think that collapsing over a sudden change in feeling self means that we're just, you know, role playing. We should treat people in this confusing state better, even if it ends up that they weren't plural. The rampant fake claiming culture misses the fact that no person that didn't struggle in life would consider this label. You can easily make someone's health worse by not giving them a room to explore themselves and sometimes admit that they were wrong. So please, be kinder.

I hope this post wasn't a bit too much for this blog and was helpful to someone. I tried to cut off the details of my traumas, but it was crucial to note that without them nothing would've happened to me. I also prefer to use more broad terms over specific ones to describe our experience because we're still not sure what's going on. Thanks for reading.

[nights-flying-fox]

Leo Blues

Leon (Future Leo) realizes that his younger self is feeling a bit blue and decides to help him feel better.

I wrote half of this months ago and the other half today. Shoutout to my friend @little-banjo-frog for giving some ideas and helping with the fic!!! :D

This is part of an AU but you don't really need to know context. Just that Future Leo is back to past, and maybe some other family members, and he is hanging out in the lair with others.

Oh also this is inspired by @tmnt-event-blog 's prompt (basically what motivated me to finish it haha)

Word Count: 2530 ☆ Fandom: rottmnt ☆ Warnings: a very brief implication of death/losing someone close ☆ AO3 Link: Here!! ☆

Leon knew himself well. Not himself himself, but his younger self. Leo was a younger version of Leon after all, and Leon knew what it did mean when he sulked away from everyone. 

Today Leo was less chatty, he didn’t leave his room other than to get breakfast and join his brothers to help them with some things. These two things were more than enough to tell Leon his younger self was in a bad mood. 

That is exactly why right now Leon was on his way to Leo’s room. He didn’t tell anyone else, since he knew how he used to be around on such days. Always hiding his negative emotions and keeping it to himself. Not wanting to share the hurt and make anyone else sad. Leon was worried that he wouldn’t talk to him either, but he had to try his chance. What were your future selves if not to help you when needed, right? Ignoring the 'annoying them till they start throwing stuff at you' part, of course.

He knocked the wall before opening the curtain and entering Leo’s room. As he expected, he found the boy sitting on his bed with legs crossed, his phone in his hand but his eyes blankly staring at the ground. Leon wasn’t even sure if he heard him coming. He most probably didn’t, considering how he flinched when Leon put his hand on his shoulder and sat next to him. 

 “Hey, pequeñin ,” He said as he kept his voice low and smiled softly. 

 Leo gave him a confused look before smirking. “Hey, anciano .”

 The older turtle rolled his eyes, but said nothing. He wasn’t here to jokingly bicker with his younger self. “Haven’t seen you around a lot today.”

 “Eh, got stuff to watch and catch up.” Leo shrugged.

  Lies. “Ah, so feeling blue , huh?” Leon stated the fact, but not without smirking at his word choice.

 “Blue suits me well after all.” Leo replied casually, with a wink and matching smirk. 

 Leon felt himself relax a bit, at least his younger self felt comfortable enough to open up with how he was feeling to him, even if it was in the form of joking. “Has no one ever told you being this blue is too much?” Leon asked.

 “I thought you’d know the answer already, considering we share the same sixteen years of the past.” Leo answered.

 “Heh, you’re right. How did I miss that?” 

 The two sat on the bed for some seconds, enough for Leo to slowly lean towards his bed frame and for Leon to come up with a quick plan to repaint Leo’s mood. 

 As he got up he said “I’ll be right back, and don’t worry I’m not bringing anyone.” to Leo. The other was quiet, only watching him leave. 

 Leon’s first destination was the living room. The last place he had seen Leo’s tablet (which he probably had forgotten to pick it up yesterday). Entering in, he saw it was still on the same spot as before. The room was empty, nobody other than Splinter who was enjoying his usual commercials. Leon smiled at the nostalgic scenery. No matter how long passed since he returned to the past, he still couldn’t get used to the fact he once again was back at home. Back to the casual chaotic life he had before the apocalypse. The little simple things would forever make him feel warm. 

 After picking up the tablet, he walked towards his next destination: His room. Or rather his, Future Mystic Hands’ (they really needed a shorter ‘official’ nickname that both Mikeys would accept) and Case’s room. He took the extra blankets (Mikey Two wouldn’t need them anytime soon) and left. 

 Next up was the kitchen, which was the final room to visit before returning to Leo’s room. As he came close to the entrance he heard the chatter. Casey, Donnie and April’s laughter filled the kitchen. The three were sitting on the chairs, mugs of three different kinds of drinks on the table. Casey was the first one to notice him: “Hi Sensei!”

 "Hey Case," Leon ruffled the boy's hair as he walked by him. Casey grumbled in protest, but Leon could see his grin. What a hypocrite. 

 "Will you join us Big Blue?" April asked with a smile, "Mikey's made hot cocoa."

 "Sorry guys, got other plans." 

 "What other plans?" Casey questioned, raising a bow. 

 "Finally catching up on some TV series." He answered.

 "All by yourself?" April asked.

 Leon got two mugs. "Yeah, myself and I." 

 "I see, you mean you and Leo ." Donnie pointed out. "And here Future Boy was telling us some future stories." 

 Leon turned to squint at Casey. "What kind of future stories?"

 "Ummmmm…" Casey looked away. Bad sign. A very bad sign.

 "Nothing you should worry about." April said and sipped from her cocoa.

 "Somehow this makes me worry even more." Leon deadpanned. Then he turned back to what he was doing.

 Donnie smirked, "You'll most likely find out soon anyways." 

 That could only mean an embarrassing story. But hey, two could play that game. "Well, maybe you'll find out more future stories too." 

 "Oh ho ho, tell us all of them man." April sounded excited to learn more embarrassing stories. Leon couldn't blame her, there were a lot of crazy silly things going on even in the doomed future.

 "Maybe not all of them." Casey chipped in, looking with somewhat pleading eyes to his sensei. 

 "Perhaps." Leon replied, meanwhile finishing with preparing the tray with the snacks, leftover pizza and hot cocoa mugs. "But not yet."

 "Leaving us at cliffhanger?" April huffed.

 "I didn't even start saying anything."

 "The trailer was enough." 

 Leon grinned, "Soon in the lair… stories from the future." He said dramatically.

 "Three V.I.P. tickets, please." Donnie said after sipping his probably way too sweet coffee. "For the premiere."

 "We accept payment with story sharing." Leon smirked.

 "Deal. Junior shared plenty." 

 "Sweet."

 Leon turned to look at his protégé. Casey watched with confusion. Then Leon realized that the boy didn't know– or rather didn’t remember. "Do you remember cinemas, Case?" 

 "Yes?" His eyes shined brightly the moment he connected the dots, "Oh!" 

 "...Future didn't have cinemas." Donnie announced his own findings as he thought out loud. "I hadn't considered that."

 "I believe you guys can fill him with some culture of the present?" Leon asked.

 "Of course, there's so much for the Future Boy to discover!" April got her arm around Casey's neck and pulled him closer. Casey smiled, putting down his mug of tea to side hug her. 

 It was good to see the boy had gotten better at being relaxed. Being always on alarm was a hard habit to break from after everything he went through. 

 As the three began talking about all the places and things his future lacked, Leon left the kitchen and headed back to Leo's room.

 The boy was now under the blanket. Leon could tell that he still was on his phone from the subtle light. 

 "Hot cocoa delivery," Leon announced. 

 "Mikey's?" Leo asked from the spot he was in.

 "Yep."

 He peeked and then reached to him, "Gimme!"

 Leon gladly gave him one of the mugs. "If you come out we can share the snacks."

 This perked Leo's interest a bit more. He squirmed out of the blanket, no more laying on the bed. He noticed the rest of what Leon collected on his short trip in the lair. 

 Leon took his place next to him and wrapped the blankets he brought around them. He placed the snacks and pineapple pizza between them, and the tablet in front of them. "What do you wanna watch?"

 Leo shrugged, "Dunno." 

 Good thing Leon was still a Leo. He knew what his comfort movies were and he could use this to his advantage. “Kung Fu Panda?”

“Sure. Are we doing a marathon?” Leo asked.

“You bet. After all, it has been a while since I last saw them.” Leon grinned. He barely could remember the movies, or the days he would watch them with his family thanks to Donnie, in the middle of the apocalypse. He really hoped they could do that again, just not in an apocalyptic situation.

Leo looked at him, with a glint of sadness. He quickly looked away towards the screen. “You better plan watching Secrets of the Scroll too, then.” He said. Voice completely normal, as if it wasn’t him who was hiding under blankets a short while ago.

“You know I will.” Leon hummed. He hadn’t missed that look, and he would help himself. “Before that… is there something you want to talk about? You seemed like you wanted to say something a second ago.”

He seemed uncertain for a moment, “Ah, no. Nope.”

“Are you sure?” Leon knew that this was a lie. “Because whatever you say, stays between us.”

“Yeah, yeah… just…” Ah, there it was. “Remember last night’s patrol?” He said a bit quietly.

Leon nodded, “Yeah. Didn’t you guys end up kicking Stockboy’s butt?”

“Yes… but…” Leo pulled his legs towards himself. “I almost failed.” He whispered.

“But you didn’t.” Leon pointed out, urging his younger self to talk.

“But I almost did!” Leo repeated. His hold on the mug tightened.

“And why is it a problem?” Leon questioned, genuinely. He wanted to know why Leo found it such a big problem.

“Because the last time I failed, everyone I loved almost died .” 

Leo sounded so tired, and equally panicked. And Leon couldn’t even blame him. Not when he did the same thing. Not when he did lose them. Not when he froze once he heard the words.

Leo took a breath, “Sorry, I… I didn’t mean to. I…”

Leon looked at him. The boy he once was. So young, sad, broken… Unfairly punished by a cruel fate. And never ever let himself relax, to be seen weak. Especially after the apocalypse. After losing so much. After becoming a leader, responsible for whatever is left. This boy had almost experienced it. He almost had the same life as him. And even though he managed to escape the hell, he still was suffering from it. Even though he literally had sacrificed himself, he had given his everything to save everyone, he was still hurting thinking of what could’ve been. Of what happened.

And, oh, how unfair that was.

  He put his mug aside, then gently took the mug Leo was holding from his hands (who looked at him confusedly) and put it next to his. Then he pulled the boy into a tight hug. “It is okay, Leo.” He said, voice small but powerful. “It has passed, everything will be alright.”

“But what if I make another mistake? What if everything goes bad again, because of me ?” Leo responded, his voice trying to stay strong but clearly close to breaking.

“You will make mistakes.” Leon said. “You will make so many of them. Just like I did. Even after everything that happened. Even when I was a leader.” He pushed away the memories full of pain, regret, and shame that creeped from the back of his mind. He had learned to accept them, once he had time to recover and focus on himself. Or rather he was learning to, it was a hard process to return to what you had locked to survive. He didn’t want Leo to do something similar, or let his fear destroy him. “And you know what? It is amazing that you make mistakes. It means you are trying something new. You are trying to be better. To learn. That you realize them means you are trying to learn from them.”

“And what if I don’t have time to learn from them the next time I make a mistake?” Leon knew Leo had shut his eyes and was doing his best to not let everything out, to not break in front of him. He was holding Leon tightly too.

“You will have time. Trust me.” Leon affirmed. “After all, what is important is the fact that you are trying. You aren’t giving up. You are trying to be better. And I am so proud of you.” He broke the hug and looked at his eyes. “I know you think otherwise, but you are actually a much cooler dude than me. You are even teaching me new stuff every day.”

Leo smiled a bit, a shaky one. “How so?”

“You were the one to remind me what I always fought for, you are the one to remind me who I was– or rather, I am .” Leon smiled at him. “You are beating yourself up for something impossible, and while I know it is hard to not to do so, I also know you are strong, Leo. And you are never alone.”

And with those words, Leo finally let himself relax and smile. Then Leon saw as tears fell, right before Leo hugged him tightly. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t really have to. Leon knew how much it meant to be reminded of having someone by your side even at the worst times. For someone to confirm even when the world felt like it was ending (which was not an unfamiliar concept for both of them, sadly) things would turn out well. So he held the boy, until he stopped crying and shaking, letting everything out after who knows how long.

When Leo broke the hug and sat, leaning to Leon instead of his bed, Leon patted his head. “How blue are you feeling?” He asked, handing back now luke warm hot cocoa. Somehow, they hadn’t gone cold, which to be honest was weird.

“Less than before.” Leo smiled. “I never had thought I’d end up getting hugs from my older self, but here you are.”

“Isn’t it insane?” Leon replied with a smirk.

“It is.” Leo grinned. Then he added. “Thank you.”

“Don’t even mention it.” Leon replied. “Now drink your cocoa and get ready, because I want to watch Kung Fu Panda.”

Leo grinned. “Sure thing, old man.”

“No, even after those hugs? You are cruel.” Leon teased.

“Those are just facts.” Leo smirked. Then he sipped the hot cocoa, “Mmm, this is good.”

“I bet it is.” Leon said as he sipped his. Oh, it was even better than he remembered it to be. “It really is…” He nodded. He had missed this so much.

“So are we watching the movies or..?” Leo asked, a fake hastiness in his tone.

Leon laughed, “Yeah, let’s start.” He grinned as he opened the movie.

He didn’t think much of it, but he was grateful for Leo. He wouldn’t ever talk about it, but those words he told his younger self? He needed to hear them too. He had forgotten them. He may have had his family back, but still sometimes it was hard to remember things weren’t always bad. That things would be okay in the end, and that he wouldn’t ever be alone.

So in the end of the day, both blue masked turtles had ended up feeling better– or as they would call it, less blue.

[luonnon-varainen]

It's about 20 days to toh final. I'm rewatching whole serie to catch all hints what may happened in last episode. During "Witches before wizards" I noticed how many foreshadows were in this episode, but it didn't really drawn my attention. There is enough content that explain what mean what, nothing to add. Thing that really makes me "woooo bro hold on" was 2-3 second clip of the blue shooting star.

It is probably just another foreshadow, but I think it might be something way more interesting - that might mean that elder collectors are way closer to the Boiling Isles planet than we thought and they check what is going down there.

Just by looking at the star, it is visible how similar colours are used in this one and those made by the Collector. Shape, type of movement and lenght of comet tail. Whole motive gives this little "ojoj" vibe. It couldn't be just a coincidence~

(Colour comparison. Ignore Luz, she end up here because same colours and shape of "celestial staff's" magic, which is also concerning)

But it leads to one simple question: Why?

Clearly there is no point in checking up this planet and being so close to it. Everything is probably already collected, clearing the planet has happened and new start has been put in motion. Elder collectors won the war, they don't need to check if titans are trying to rise again against them, they already all dead and obedient(one titan won't stop the extinction of entire species, sorry King). There is no threat to watch over and control in case of a rebellion. King is all alone, by himself, without any perspective to stop the extinction, so there is no need to still look for him. Also all this happened at least 500 years earlier. This activity seems to be just wasting energy, unless the reason for checking up on the planet is different.

Elders may not look for a titan, but for their missing kid.

For some weird reason there is nothing, absolutely nothing about whether elders looked for the Collector or not. I think they did or rather are looking for the kid. Yeah, they are nightmare fuel for every organic/living being, but I really don't think they are such a bad parents, who don't care about own offspring. It wouldn't make sense judging by collectors huggy/touchy personality(in context they really often touches King, hugs him, hold his hands ect. somebody probably had very contactual family) and painting where is clearly visible that they really enjoy the kid's company and are delighted by the fact they joined them.

After the Collector's disappearance, elders would start searching for the kid. Probably a lot as any other parents, whose kid get lost in shopping centre. Considering their op tracking and hunting abilities, collectors should quickly find the mirror, but they didn't. It sounds a bit inconsistent, unless the fact that collectors opponents were titans. It's been shown that titans knows the hiding "glyph". In " Echoes of the past" and "King's tide" this symnols are exposed. It means that they are capable of creating spells that can camouflage objects and living beings from collectors sharpen senses. That may mean that the mirror has the same quality to be undetectable by them.

Elders didn't free the Collector, because they do not care. They didn't do that, because there is no way for them to sens and find this tiny prison. No matter how hard they tried to find the child, they physically couldn't. Collectors keep checking up on the Boiling Isles till modern time hoping that sealing spell faded away (probably all spells have their expiry date and for star-long-lifetime beings it not so long to wait for) and make reunion with the missing child.

The reunion probably wouldn't be the nicest one. Full of arguing, cring, explaining, persuading and other emotional forms of "discussing", yet very important for both sides.

[marshmallowprotection]

am i too delusional to think that there is a possibility of the twins being “free” (like in saeran’s AE) but in the secret ending??? 😭😭 it’s kind of my favorite timeline but it makes me so sad to imagine that despite everything the twins and mc wouldn’t be able to do ordinary things in public for example

I don't think it's at all delusional to hold out on the chance they could be free in that ending as well. It's important to point out that those endings were the first to be written. As in, Casual and Deep Route! I have the boring answer for everyone and that is simply the fact that anything that isn't talked about before the release of AS wasn't fleshed out because they didn't feel a need to do that. In some ways, it definitely helped them to have those open endings because it gave them the opportunity to build the missing pieces.

It means a lot of the elements they put into those situations needed to be enhanced to make sense or fleshed out later on to allow for more content to be created. Those timelines were considered first and worked out years before Another Story. That means anything that wasn't given to us before the release of Another Story and the Rika Behind Story do not contain as many answers. It was left open to player interpretation in many ways. That means that you would have to decide what would happen after the curtains closed.

There are also things that people would claim or implied to have taken place because of a minor implication in the details, but it was just far too open-ended to give a clear perspective. A great example of that is how many people believed that Unknown was originally the one who killed his own mother (This comes to us from a scene that's in Yoosung's Route). I never thought that's what he was talking about in that situation, but I can see how people could presume it as fact before Another Story revealed otherwise.

But, that's just a part of the situation. When you don't have a lot of information to go off of, you have to make your own conclusion. You have to figure out where it's going to go when they give you so little to figure out.

Before Another Story, there is so much information we were not privy to about the characters. We had no idea who Saejoong Choi was. All you're presented with is that the twins have a high ranking official for a father and he could completely destroy them if he found them. Without the context you get in the other timeline later on, it may be scary to see but it's not as scary as having context. Without the context you need, it's hard to ascertain what would happen in the Post-Secret Ending timeline.

Frankly, in our world, we know that the twins are going to have to continue to hide because their father is a threat, but if you are in that reality and with them, you wouldn't have the complete context for all of that information because it was just never elaborated to you. Saeyoung doesn't get into detail about his father. All you know is that there are just people out there who would readily kill Saeyoung and Saeran for sport. That lack of information can definitely be frustrating because you don't want them to have to live in hiding.

But, that's just the way it is for the time being because the game didn't have the expanded information you get in the other timeline. That's purely because they added on and figured out those elements after the fact. It doesn't mean that Saeran or V have the only reality where the twins are capable of being free, thus making them the "true endings". It simply means the information that is presented to us in Another Story has the luxury of being made after the fact. After the initial story and concept had been done for years. Casual and Deep we're there from the get-go and it took two extra years to Another Story. Whereas the original routes had to have been in development for years well before that fact.

All of this to say that I do think the twins will be able to be free in the secret ending. It's just unfortunate that you as the player have to figure out the best way to make that happen for yourself in your head. You have to make that content for you. You have to decide the best way for them to confront their father. You have to figure out how to make all that work and that's satisfying in some ways because you get to make sure that it works out the way you want it to.

Frankly, I've actually written a conclusion to the Secret Ending that confronts this. Of course, you have to be willing to read a Saeran x Reader to get that. Iris is a story about his former assistant and believer who encounters him after 2 years of being separated but their story isn't over and there's still threats on the horizon. Included in such is the very infamous prime minister.

I don't think they're going to be trapped forever because their father is going to make a point of coming after them. The agency was destroyed in that timeline and that is something he works with closely to get what he wants. It won't be long before he starts looking into what went wrong because the public is well aware of the underground agency and what they are capable of. The government cannot avoid it and who is in the government? Oh, yeah, Saejoong Choi.

So, even though it is not explored in the content that we are given officially, it is most definitely going to happen no matter what. Given the information that we are told about that man, he would do anything to maintain power and it wouldn't surprise me to see him coming after his sons no matter what. It is the small chance of them being a stain on his reputation that forces him to play every card in his hand and destroy them.

It might be a tough situation because it's not going to play out the way it did for Saeran's After Ending. But, it's going to happen eventually, no matter how much everyone tries to avoid it, it's going to happen. Not even Jumin can prevent it and he's one of the people trying to make sure that nobody catches wind of the twins. Can I say how exactly that situation would play out? No, I have my speculation and theories about it, but what I think won't be the same as what the next person thinks.

All this to say that no ending is created better than another, and I hope everybody understands the little intricacies about the situation. None of these things were done intentionally to make one character look better than the other, it's just an unfortunate casualty of the way that things are created that some of the content is more fleshed out than other parts.

[mephestopheles]

Next episode predictions, we're going to see a fallout of a few things, including the probably mentioned death/murder of a baby grape.

I have an issue with the idea that the baby grape might be a true heir to the vegetanian throne. Setting aside whatever weird genetics fruitarians and vegetanians have, I doubt it's possible for a mango and an artichoke to have a concord grape. And if we are going to allow that and handwave the genetics discussion, I know an age wasn't mentioned but two years had passed, that kid was definitely less than a year old, at least based on context.

So if we suppose that Amangeaux and Cardoon, managed to suddenly produce an heir before his tragic death and she wasn't aware of her pregnancy in the first episode, that kid would be around 15 months old. Walking, definitely babbling and talking a bit, and less likely to be spitting up.

This got long but if you're here for the ride, I've put it behind the cut.

The spitting up phase is usually before solid foods. So the clues don't add up that this concord grape baby is an heir and Amangeaux is hiding one.

Politically, it makes even less sense to hide a child. If she had an heir to the vegetanian throne, and she was pregnant at the point of Cardoon's death, Raphinel could have spun that into a holy miracle and the bulbian church would have put its weight behind Amangeaux. She also would have had a stronger claim than Tomaté as the regent and sitting authority to rule Vegetania in her child's stead until they grew up.

Now, most beneficial for Amangeaux and Raphinel would be a son. Easy line of succession, no missed beats, and anyone who wanted to get into the new kings good graces would have to go through the bishop and dowager queen.

If she had a daughter, the most politically advantageous thing would be to set up the eventual marriage of the only heir of the Vegetanian throne to one of the other kingdoms. Fructeran is possible, but might be seen as the fructerians stealing the Vegetanian throne. That leaves Ceresia, the Meat Lands, The Dairy Isles and of course, Canadia. Amethar is 21 and kind of too old for that but should Amethar make a politically good match - which maybe without the war, marrying the girl from the dairy islands didn't happen, or maybe it did - his heir would be around the same time. The only hitch here is that, Amethar is fourth in line for the throne because Candia's line of succession is different from the other kingdoms. This doesn't take out Cruller as a villain, but it does make his assassinations of the sisters much more difficult.

I don't remember a lot of the internal politics of the other kingdoms, but Raphinel and Amangeaux could spin a true heir into a lot of political power. Yes, that does mean an heir is also in danger of assassination, but the church could protect them.

So, it doesn't make sense for her to hide the child, unless she was pregnant with a Fructeran baby, the sudden child out of wedlock would cast a pall over her time as queen. And call into question whether she intentionally kept an heir from the Vegetanian throne. Yes, she's hiding the child from everyone, but that's only because it would put herself at risk during the war and make her a target.

[ecoevoexo]

@miss--celestine

you're right that i'm overreacting to the level of evidence provided and being irresponsible. i don't go on mastodon, and haven't seen it first hand, and the currently circulating evidence is based on multiple accounts that someone revealed LB's identity, and that solid proof is forthcoming. if it turns out to be wrong, i will make an apology and a retraction.

some context: im currently in the early recovery process of being manipulated, abused, and raped by someone, so i'm very triggered around this entire subject. i know people can be falsely accused of things and cancelmobbed; ive experienced that myself multiple times in the past. in fact, LB participated in doing so, back when she didn't have to keep her identity hidden. when i say i'm willing to change my tune with further evidence i mean it. i also am not currently a big fish. only a few people ever interact with my posts, frequently no one. you are the first and so far sole person to interact with the post where im venting about LB, which i made a do-not-reblog so it wouldn't be potentially spread around.

that said, there's a few things i did personally experience around this. firstly, i was mutuals with Slaanesh during the KYLR discourse a couple months ago on twitter. i was arguing that nuance is needed because trans women are so frequently falsely accused, and its therefore important not to jump to conclusions with how response to sexual assault is carried out. on every occasion that she interacted with the discussion, Slaanesh derailed the conversation into vitriol, arguing that anyone pro-KYLR was actually transmisogynist, and generally making it impossible to have a nuanced debate. she was not the only one; there were also people doing the same thing on the other side of the argument. but it raised a yellow flag for me.

then, when people began to leave twitter, a number of posts were made to the effect that eightpoint was the only space for trans women to go to (its not), that it was the only safe space, that no one should stay on twitter, they should instead go to eightpoint. again, i have never been on mastodon, but it raised a lot more yellow flags for me seeing how people were talking about it, and trying to spread around the message that it was the one place people should go. this i witnessed personally, and Slaanesh was only one of the people making these posts.

then, again on twitter, i saw people talking about negative experiences with eightpoint's rules causing them to be isolated, and people defending what looked to me as basically a policy of 'you can never talk about problems you've had with people'. around this time i became aware of certain associations between people involved with eightpoint and the r/antiwork events, which i have not fully investigated yet.

now a claim is circulating without substantiating evidence, and while triggered last night i made this post. again, you are the only person to interact with it, my posts on twitter got a little more interaction but are still a small part of the overall reaction. i do not currently have a big audience, and did not write this post thinking i would have a big social effect. mostly i was in a state of triggered panic (again, im just starting recovery from an abuser whose abuse patterns have some overlap with LB's) and wanted to create personal distance from anyone involved while venting about my frustration with the broader pattern of repeat serial abusers in the trans community.

i'm gonna make the post private unless more evidence comes forward. i'm sure my reasoning is not satisfactory to you, but i'm doing my best and am not used to being in this state of being triggered. i should not really be posting about community issues in this state of mind, and if i have misidentified this person i'm sorry. i've also been told there is a pattern of people being falsely accused of being LB, which i am not familiar with--during my interactions with her years ago she did not hide her identity. i do genuinely feel very uncomfortable with what has gone down and even if LB turns out to be in now way involved i think there's some solid questions to be asked about how eightpoint was advertised to people; these were concerns i had well before LB's name was mentioned.

i remain surprised this post got noticed at all, given that other posts where i'm venting more about personal problems i'm experiencing rarely do.

[kajibunny]

°˖➴ (my love) letter to you~ ₊⋆♡⸝⸝💌⊹ w/ the wind breaker boys

✿ featuring: haruka sakura, hajime umemiya, ren kaji, hayato suo, akihiko nirei, jo togame ✿ fluff, f!reader, pet names for you!, some suggestive content for togame, suo and kaji (pls i had to)  ✿ a/n: love letters from the love of your life! (this was supposed to be for just one of them (guess who) but it's too cute to not to have it for all of them - so why not!) please give them all some love, cuties! ♡ (〃ω〃)  ✿ wc: 2.6k

you've got mail! reply? ₊˚⊹♡

── . ♥︎ from: kaji 

hey brat, 

this is all your fault. i may have asked hiragi-san yesterday...for advice. after i talked about you, and what i felt, he came up with the conclusion that i was 'madly in love with you', but i decided to ask you myself if you think that's the case, and if you feel the same way?

when did i start feeling this way? after our first date, i think. when i walked you home after my patrol. 

you asked me if i wanted to hold hands while we crossed the street. you asked me what my favorite lollipop flavor was. you asked me without context whether i preferred the lights on or off. (please clarify these things before asking, i almost got the wrong idea, damn it!!!) i don't think i've had anyone ask me that many questions, it was like you were interested in the most miniscule details about me for some reason.

though, i'm always interested in hearing what you have to say. (fine, i'll take off my headphones anytime you want to talk my ear off, so don't pout anymore!)

your curiosity knows no bounds. it's one of the things i like about you, i think. you also asked me what my favorite song was. there's quite a lot to choose from, but right now, your voice is my favorite song. i could listen to it on repeat if it was a full album, you know? (hell, i sound like a lovesick fool. and no, that won't be the title of our next playlist.)

so anyway, here are my symptoms: the pace of my heartbeat quickens (i thought i was going to get a heart attack) but only every time i see you, i get really anxious whenever you aren't by my side, and i always tend to end up doing stupid things when i'm with you. remember our first kiss? yeah, sorry. didn't mean to bite your bottom lip really hard there. also didn't mean to make fun of you when you asked me to 'kiss it better'. you're just too...cute sometimes. 

p.s. also, don't think that you're so sly, because i'm fully aware of all the things you're trying to pull on me too. i didn't miss the way you went for me while i was sleeping on your lap on the rooftop the other day, i know you kissed me while my eyes were closed. i felt it and i tasted cherries on my lips. the same cherry lip balm you use sometimes. i thought it was my lollipop because it was sweet, but it was soft, so i know it's you.

i remember when i asked you for music recommendations, then you sent me this ridiculous playlist? (with the title: kissing kaji??? really??) you said you sent it by accident but i don't buy it at all.

yes, i did read each title - what even is a lollipop kiss? and no, i'm not sure how you have the time or energy to come up with these things, but nice try.

also, when i went to your house then you answered the door in just my hoodie, nothing underneath, what was that about? (and don't ask me how i noticed that you were wearing only that). 

i don't think i can enumerate everything, because then it would take forever for you to finish reading, so this is it for now. i think i've said too much.

let me know what you think? i just can't help but notice the littlest things about you, too. i know you very well, so don't even hide or try to pretend with me. let me know if you're developing the same symptoms as i am. if yes, i think you may be 'madly in love' with me too? 

i'm yours if you'll have me, 

ren

— after reading his letter, you tell kaji that you've caught a serious case of the "i love ren kaji syndrome" and that the only thing that can cure it is if kaji gives you a thousand "passionate and steamy" kisses. kaji flicks your forehead softly and tells you "it's incurable and you'll have it forever, idiot. i love you too." 

── . ♥︎ from: umemiya

hi my pretty flower!

hope you're all better now? 

you seem tired because you've fallen asleep while cuddling with me by the bonfire yesterday at our BBQ party. you're so cute, though, rubbing your cheek against my chest. (yes, you were also snoring, drooling, and sleep talking, but it's adorable and i love everything about you!) 

i also just wanted to say thank you for taking care of me yesterday! the party wouldn't have been the success that it was if you hadn't done all that cute decorating! and planned all those fun games. everyone loved you! (but of course, i love you the most!) i think the activities tired you out? and sakura and sugishita were sure a handful, huh? we had to step up and be parents to a dozen rough and rowdy boys! kidding aside, i'm sorry you had to go through all that, my poor baby. now it's my turn to take care of you!

i'm not sure if you remember this, but i carried you up to my room, (bridal style, of course. i know you wouldn't have it any other way. i had to, since all of them kept telling us to 'get a room' - as usual haha) when i tried to sleep next to you, you pulled me in and hugged me tightly, then kept softly planting kisses to my face and my hair, (particularly pressing gentle ones to the scar on my eyebrow), and murmuring about how you thought it was so beautiful, how much you loved me, and that i was your hajime (your first). i don't know what i did to deserve you, my darling. 

no one's ever made me feel the way you do. (well, granted, i love my garden, i love eating, i love my siblings, and of course i love bofurin, but the way i love you is different.) 

i know you'll see this once you wake up and you'll tell me you don't remember that any of this ever happened (because you're so shy and a cutie) but it's okay, because i'll always be here to remind you.

i love you with all my heart, 

(your) hajime

— you smile to yourself as you look over at the sleeping umemiya laid down next to you, lips all red and raw from all the kissing the two of you did after you had read his special love letter addressed to you.

── . ♥︎ from: nirei

dear princess, (can i call you that?) 

i couldn't believe it when you said you liked me? are you sure? sorry for asking again, i just didn't know how someone like me would get so lucky to have someone like you. you're just so pretty and nice inside and out! 

by the way, you look so gorgeous today (as you always do) with your sundress on! it suits you so well! you're so elegant, like a princess. (hence the nickname.)  

also, thank you for letting me take you out on a date! i had so much fun just walking around the amusement park and sharing crepes with you. i feel bad that i had to hold on to you during the horror house. and the roller coaster. and the teacup ride. you said it was alright and you even kissed my forehead (for some reason, it calmed me down alot! - sorry for almost fainting, though. but rest assured i really liked it!) 

i was really nervous the night before our date, so i asked suo for dating tips. he told me to just be myself, so i tried to, but it's just hard to seem cool and composed in front of someone i really like.

truth be told, i've liked you for a while now. i may have written about you in my journal, too. hope that's alright with you? i can show it to you someday, but just giving you a heads up that it's mostly about how cute you are and how your smile is enough to make my entire day.

i'm pretty shy about admitting this to you, truth be told. that's why i was struggling to form sentences when you did my hair with the pins, and told me i looked like a sunflower. i think that's the sweetest thing that anyone's ever said to me. 

thanks for taking a chance on me, i hope i can express myself more on our second date? (would it be alright if i go for a kiss next time too?)

nirei

— you fold the letter and return it where it was once placed, stacked among a pile of many others, neatly arranged in a box labeled: "to my princess: on our wedding day", as you return and read it again and again, smiling brightly at your dashing husband, akihiko nirei.

── . ♥︎ from: sakura

hey. you. 

why are there so many pictures of you on my phone? i'm not mad, okay. i'm just not used to it. i'm not used to seeing your smiling face every time i unlock my phone. it's too radiant, i think. and i see you every day anyway. you look just as...radiant, in person. but, i guess i don't really mind. i used to have nothing much stored on my phone, until you came along. 

i used to not like eating vegetables, too. (i mean, i still don't like them) but whenever you lectured me on my health and how you'd "get so lonely and have no one to kiss" if i got sick and died from not eating vegetables - fine, i'll eat them for you. i hate seeing you worried more than i hate eating vegetables anyway. and i wouldn't ever want you to be lonely, i know what that feels like, but now i don't anymore, since i have you.

i used to have no pillows too, until you did your "shopping haul", is that what it's called? i honestly have no idea. i asked what you wanted in return and you told me you just wanted me to be your pillow. what do you even mean by that? is it the way you hug me tightly every night as if i am your pillow? am i just some inanimate object to you?!

sorry. didn't mean it to come out that way. suo says i should be gentle with you and remind you everyday about how beautiful you are. pretty sure that guy does not know what he is talking about because i'm sure you already know that. that you're very beautiful. i'm sure you do, because every day i see new pictures of your face on my phone. you wouldn't take that many pictures if you didn't know you were pretty. i think, looking at them now, i don't think i'll ever get tired of your face.

i used to have nothing before i had you.

you're everything to me,

sakura

— sakura wondered why you were bawling your eyes out, as he was sure he hadn't intended his letter to be sad or to make you cry. you buried yourself in his outstretched arms, unable to recover from the most romantic thing you've ever read in your life. "you're my everything too, haruka." you whisper in his ear, feeling sakura hold back a choked sob from your embrace.

── . ♥︎ from: suo

my dearest love, 

you said you couldn't figure me out sometimes and wanted to read what's on my mind, so here it is, i'll let you read it, literally! anything for you, my love. i guess i'm writing it all down in a letter because i'm quite a bit old fashioned that way! 

speaking of old fashioned, i hope you like the flowers i sent you the other day? i hope you find them beautiful, though i'd like to point out that of course, nothing can ever compare to how beautiful you are. in flower language, i think you would be a ghost orchid - one of the rarest flowers in the world, known for its otherworldly beauty and is a symbol of imagination. it is also called to be the "star of the forest" for it's star-like shape and ethereal growth in the darkness. 

cheesy as it sounds, you're my ghost orchid. the light that appears through my dark tunnels. you've wholeheartedly accepted me for who i am, even if i told you i had an ancient spirit sealed in my eye. i vividly remember you telling me: "hayato, i don't really mind but i hope your ancient spirit doesn't also mind watching us kiss. because we are going to. a lot." you're just so charming, love.

you're also the only one my negotiation tactics don't work on, it seems. there's just no fooling you, you always see right through me. it scares me, but in a good way. 

i said once that i was afraid of manju...yeah, besides from it being an iconic comedic line, i was also thinking of you. you're like a manju. your soft skin is similar to a piece of fluffy dough. i'm scared because i might fall in too deep. i'm scared because you're so soft and fluffy and i'm afraid i would ruin you. 

now that these things are known to you, me baring some of my deepest thoughts, being openly vulnerable, there's no turning back is there? 

you'll just have to tell me yours too, 

hayato

— that night, you bared your soul to suo, as well as your body. suo loved you as you are, including all your vulnerabilities. well, maybe you did give in to his negotiation tactics, sometimes. there's just something about his letter that made you want to share your innermost thoughts and desires with him, too. 

── . ♥︎ from: togame

hello, sweetheart.

where do i even begin? 

you make me so happy, and i just wanted to let you know that not an hour passes by that i'm not thinking about you. we spent the whole day together yesterday, but why is it that i'm still constantly thinking about you? 

maybe it's the way i notice how you express your love languages to me. every single one of them, just for me.

maybe it's the way you looked so surprised when you held my hand and found out it was so much bigger than yours, then you said you loved how big i am. (my height, right?) (words of affirmation)

maybe it's the way you automatically knew i wanted a ramune from the convenience store, then tried (and struggled) to open it up for me. the way you furrowed your brows and pouted while pushing the cap was really cute of you. thank you for trying so hard for me, baby. (acts of service)

maybe it's the way you immediately rushed to the stall i was working at during the summer festival and demanded that i give you "ten of everything we have as well as the biggest serving of jo togame possible." even though i'm sure you won't be able to finish all of that. (yes, myself included.) you're so adorable and funny. (quality time)

maybe it's the way you throw your arms around my neck whenever we kiss, like you depend on me for support. i'd like you to know that i depend on you just as much. i like when you sit on my lap, too. it makes me feel so close to you. (physical touch)

i hope i didn't miss anything? (except you, i always miss you.)

maybe it's just the way that you're perfect for me, and i love everything about you. let me express that to you through my words and actions too.  

told you i'm always thinking about you, 

jo 

— as soon as you read his letter, you decided to draft up one of your own, too, but ended up crumpling it in the end because you didn't know how to sum up the immense love you felt for your jo in just a few words. actions spoke louder than words when it came to togame, anyway. so there you were, ramune in hand, surprising your boyfriend at the ori, inviting him to 'toast to finding the one man you will love for the rest of your life.'

© kajibunny 2024 / all rights reserved

[lividria]

i swear every time i get into a game that has an actual community it'll feel like i just woke up on mars because i usually dig really deep into a game's lore, history, trivia, unused content, etc. and THEN i'll find stuff from the community and i don't even mean for that to happen it just works that way and it always plays out the exact same way without fail besides for when there is no community

like, a week or two ago i remembered OFF exists, watched a whole playthrough of it, have been listening to it's OST an unhealthy amount (I'm doing it right now, Unreasonable Behavior is so good), i go onto tumblr, first OFF post i see once i add it's tag to my feed is someone's art for an AU where all the characters all like hang out at a cafe together or something and everything is chill, which is like the antithesis of everything i had just experienced related to the game and i couldn't help but laugh in confusion once i realized what i was looking at

i go in the discord server for iconoclasts after obsessing over the game for like a year and annoying the fuck out of my friends about it, literally the only fanmade character i have seen is a chemico contra member who's also a phlebotomist, i had to google what a phlebotomist is and like... i didn't look into their lore by ctrl-f-ing or whatever so i'm probably missing something, but how do you come to this conclusion (actually i think i know, they mentioned they actually became one at some point after making this character which is really funny actually)

i start watching videos about pikmin after finally beginning to slowly come off one of the most intense hyperfixations i've had in my entire life to the point i had played through all 5 games in the series and dedicated weeks and entire days to trying to figure out the lore before giving up because it's nintendo lol and spending a roughly equal amount of time trying to come up with intentionally terrible ideas for more games in the series only to accidentally get WAY too into it (see my alph wraith post lol), i am greeted with Fiddlebert, and a later a dub of an AU where the player character is actually a wraith and is hiding it from the rest of the rescue corps (this post is still probably one of the funniest jokes i've ever seen) and the entire thing scarily resembles the type of shit i'd write if i was given this premise to work with down to the mention of an innocent child being consumed that's first brought up with a doodle of them saying "Oh boy I sure do hope being alive!" while holding The Goo THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I TREAT HORRIBLE EVENTS IN MY STORIES WHEN I'M TALKING ABOUT THEM

i look at the tag for ultrakill on tumblr and feel like i just got sent to hell myself with the punishment of being stuck in a permanent state of confusion due to the sheer contrast to the source material all the fanart has, same goes for most of the posts about it in general actually, i go in expecting like blood & violence and instead i'm greeted with gabriel & v1 making out. drawn by 50 different users. (i don't even need to link anything here just check #ultrakill you'll see)

and this isn't even touching on all of the ships i've seen that are utterly incomprehensible to me because. like. why magolor and the snowman enemy? why kingsly and puddle??? i thought alph didn't like louie? wait also what do you mean at least two people's headcanon is that louie is trans? (ok i couldn't re-find some of the things in this paragraph and i'm too tired to conduct an in-depth search but you could probably find it if you looked)

i'm not hating on anything i brought up here it's just a bunch of funny examples i think about a lot now that i've seen them, you guys go do whatever you want even if i don't get it go have fun lol, i just love the feeling of pure confusion when i walk into the room and get punched in the face with a complete subversion of my expectations because it feels like i'm missing SO MUCH CONTEXT and i never get used to it i love it i love the internet

[soaringwide]

Hey 👋🏻

I'm a new follower. How are you doing? May i get a reading please? I want to know myself better, like most of my life i have focused on others and not at all on myself so i sort of don't know myself, i mean i do but i also don't ykwim?

Thank you sm in advance. I hope you have a nice month ahead. Take care

Hello, thank you for reaching out :)

I designed a 6 cards spread (we'll se how many pop out in the end, I take whatever shows up for this position and clarifiers, so between 1-3 per position) to help you get you to know yourself better. Hope that helps and as always I'll be glad to hear if you have feedback!

Note: free readings are currently closed.

Let's start with the bottom of the deck which shows the overarching theme of the reading. You got Justice which definitely points towards a desire to assess an issue in a neutral way to be able to understand and judge it fairly. However, too much neutrality is not necessarily a good thing in your case since it can show some type of detachment or feeling like you're watching things from the outside when, really, you're in control of your life and who you are. Perhaps this card indicates a necessity to put yourself back into the driving seat, being the one who decides and take control.

As for who you are right now, I think you're currently feeling a bit frustrated with the pace of your growth. I think you tend to compare yourself to others and wondering why things feel so stagnant right now for you. Perhaps you're wondering what piece of the puzzle you're missing in order to feel complete, and that others seem to have figured out, and that's pushing you to look outside of yourself. The eight of wands coupled with jealousy (both reversed) are very outward cards, which is interesting because it's in the position defining yourself, showing that you're directing your energy outside of yourself a lot in a situation where you should be doing the opposite, which is creating this feeling of blockage and stagnancy.

For your strengths, the upright Ace of Swords typically shows someone who is communicative and decisive with a clear understanding of their thoughts and inner processes. They are not afraid to speak up and express their opinion. However, it appears reversed, which to me shows that you gives away your power, or rather, hide it from others and yourself. I feel like you're someone who's selfless and wants to spread harmony wherever you go, you fear being seen as too imposing and self-centered, which is an amazing quality but I think it's unbalanced here. So I think you have the potential to embody the qualities of the upright Ace of Swords while maintaining your gentle core, but there are things that get in the way. The fact that you are aware of your shortcoming as shown in your message show me that you really have this quality, there are just things getting in the way of the next step.

Your subconscious influences (or shadow in this situation if you will) are shown by a tendency to struggle to feel free being yourself, which makes total sense in your context. You feel like you need to be someone specific or be a certain way and you don't allow yourself the freedom to explore who you are, within yourself and in the way you express it to others. You need to learn to be a bit more carefree and to let go of the expectations you've internalized from others. The Sun card shows a joyful child who enjoys life without thinking of the consequences, and I think that's precisely what you have trouble setting free within yourself.

As for how you see yourself, you see yourself as someone who mirrors their inner values in the world, and is a good influence on others. You see yourself as someone who is there to support everyone and be the one we call when we are in distress. There might be a bit of a savior complex. You feel like you have a good idea of how you can help others and you want to show them how. Again the idea of selflessness shows up. There is a seriousness to this card that is in stark contrast with your child-like, subconscious influences, showing that you're blind to a big part of yourself.

The way you think others view you is again represented by a card that shows the influence you have on others, this time structured around the idea of change. You feel like others see your transformative power on them, but that it's not always positively welcomed because change can be painful and scary. However you also feel like people don't see your loving desire to take care of them and might misinterpret it and not trust it. Perhaps you think others are a bit intimidated by you and don't see the positive impact you can have on them. Of course the way people actually see yourself will vary a lot, this is only the way you *think* others view you.

Finally, the advice for how to get to know yourself better came with three cards that feel like a natural progression.

First, you need to understand that no matter the tough situation you feel you are in, the only thing you can do when you've hit rock bottom is to get back up and move again. 10 is a completion, so you have the opportunity to start fresh after what felt like a defeat. Clarity (Ace/1 of Swords) is just around the corner if only you dare having faith in it. Your current foggy landscape is not definitive and you have the power to clear your mind.

Once you've realized that, you need to evaluate what it is you feel unclear and indecisive about and spend time pondering over it. There are inner conflicts within you that you haven't addressed, and I think the issues we talked about in this reading are a good place to start. Why do you think you need to erase yourself for others? Why do you only see value in what you can bring others? Why are you afraid to be a bit more carefree? What's stopping you from expressing yourself freely?

I'm not saying you need to ditch your personality. I think you have very noble qualities, but they are unbalanced and it's draining you in the long run and stopping you from being happy.

This need to restore balance is shown by the final card, Temperance reversed. This Major Arcana is all about tempering the various aspects of yourself, and the rx position shows the need to restore this balance. You need to learn to get back in touch with yourself which will provide deep healing for you.

There are multiple ways you could go on about it. You could journal with the goal to answer the questions that arise within you, sort of like an introspective journey. Try to reflect on what happened during the day, how and why you reacted the way you did. You could also start therapy (look into systemic therapy, which focuses on interpersonal relationships) to support you on your journey of self-discovery. Doing both would be the best as it will speed up the process and give you a safe space to explore.

Another thing is to get in touch with what bring you joy, for yourself only. Look into self care practices and try to see what you've always wanted to do but never dared to. You don't have to do complicated things. Perhaps going on a walk in nature and just spending time in silence with yourself would bring you great comfort. Or taking care of something you've neglected for too long.

Another thing would be picking up a new hobby (or going back to something you've left behind for whatever reason) that makes you feel enthusiastic and stimulated. I believe that when we're learning and developing new skills, a side effect of it is expanding who we are and helping us discover new aspects of ourselves. There is great knowledge and pleasure to gain from such things and I think you would benefit from it greatly.