#without realizing that big blog is not an expert of any kind

[chaos0pikachu]

I didn't know there was a gay Shaun King out here ranking in papers rip

I've been scrolling through the james somertons, and hbomberguy for ten minutes each and I still have no clue what the fuck is going on who even are these ppl

[kidmachinate]

Unrealistic Expectations

I can’t help but wonder about something while joining the masses in doing mindless activities. Said activities done sometimes simply out of habit, constantly scrolling news feeds, social media, or YouTube. What I wonder many times while doing this is how we’ve become quite entitled in many aspects. While I can point to many different examples, this became extremely clear these last two weekends when I played the Diablo IV beta. Plus, gaming is a big theme on this blog of sorts, so I’ll stick to that. This opinion is gonna get a be spicy, if you will.

The amount of complaints for a game that is in Beta, not even a demo, but in beta, truly astounded me. Should this mean we don’t point out issues? Absolutely not. However, claiming you have been ripped off when getting access to a beta period because it ��didn’t work right” is simply not valid. You got exactly what you paid for. Access to a beta. You’d think people in the glorious “PC Master Race” would understand what a beta even is and not say these things, but here we are. Now I have to be clear and even in doing so, someone will get mad. I think the same crap mentality goes into why one would be mad for sharing a difference in opinion. Activision-Blizzard is a company rotten at the core. They deserve much of the hate they get. Without getting into all the toxicity in the workplace and keeping it focused on the topic of gaming, they released Diablo: Immortal. One of the absolute worst games put out under the disguise of an awesome IP, just to nickel and dime people when it comes to the true replay value of a Diablo title. The end-game. The nonsense behind microtransactions, battle passes, and the like are issues gamers are very well aware of. Diablo IV is supposed to be the opposite along with a “cometic only” battle pass. I’m giving them the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. I realize this is a risky move. One I’ve already dumped my money into. I’m not going to deny myself the enjoyment of a game I know I’m not going to avoid forever if at all because of nonsense they did that I have no control over. I’m sure it is the same stance people are doing with Hogwarts Legacy. I held my tongue on this because there is no point. We want to enjoy what we want to enjoy. Things aren’t as black and white as we sometimes like to think. Every choice to purchase or not purchase should be based on our own merits and this will also mean that some things we don’t purchase, due to similar reasons. If someone doesn’t buy D4 due to their shit treatment of workers, that would be legitimate. If someone doesn’t purchase Hogwarts due to the dismissal of trans rights seen in the game, I get that too. I’ll see many playing both games regardless and we need to let people enjoy things, so I shut the hell up.

Having gotten a bit sidetracked here, back to the main point. Why do many of us swear we are game developers or experts when we aren’t? Because we aren’t, what some may be doing is consuming facts from experts and sometimes expressing opinions solely based on that, without personal experience. Something that at least should be shared, if you’re going to present that kind of take, instead of presenting yourself like an authority figure on the matter. It’s crazy. Whether is it a game, TV show, whatever, the biggest issue are the keyboard warriors and trolls throughout. Maybe to some this is entertainment…but it actually holds no value and doesn’t lead to any productive discussion. I ignore these takes or choose not to engage, but I see them. They exist. I just find myself continuously shaking my head as a result. Getting the nonsense out of the way, my secondary thinking is even while I likely enjoy Diablo IV or really whatever else, am I making the most of my time?

Knowing gaming is a huge hobby of mine, I’m trying to make sure I do so with intent. Not just playing whatever is new and/or on sale. As I say this, I’m still a bit guilty of the latter point. Thanks Steam. Buying a Steam Deck that I love (free from a company bonus, btw) that I love doesn’t exactly help the matter. Where do I truly want my money spent? Am I doing it for the right reasons? Can I park my money in certain investments and put it to good use? You can do both but intent matters here. You’ve gotta have balance. If we all had a bit more of this, we wouldn’t be so quick I think to jump down someone’s throat for something that they don’t agree with. Gaming is turning into topics I like to avoid due to the amount of people with one way or no way mentalities. Said three topics are religion, politics, and sports. While people who can discuss these in a meaningful way exists, misery loves company and there are many looking for a fight. I’m just not interested in this anymore as it is no different than wasting time with whatever other time-consuming thing that is probably bad. If I do some of these very things in moderation and with an open mind, it becomes more fulfilling as well as staying true to myself.

By the time this goes live, I will have already purchased or am close to purchasing a Paperwhite. Why? I want to combine two things that are the core of my being outside of work. Gaming and finances. While a Paperwhite will not allow for gaming in the traditional sense, gaming has rich lore in book formats. Instead of worrying about potential challenge in a game, I can imagine it as presented instead. Sometimes I do this through YouTube by listening but then I just end up doing it too long. I want to avoid that where possible. I also want to read more on finances to enrich my life. I can do both in one place with the paperwhite. I am choosing the Paperwhite instead of a Kindle because I won’t be able to install apps that do the same things as my phone can already do. I’d be tempted to pick up the phone to check whatever it may be and consume accordingly. This is something I can take on the go. It would be more educational however, because I also have a Steam Deck and Nintendo Switch. If I actually want to play something, I can have that on the go as well. A theme I am embracing more and more by the day. A backpack with items of value to keep on the go, carry stuff for work, have a notepad to write down the important stuff. All this is like rediscovering myself. Seeing things in a new light. Maybe in clearing out the clutter, it leads to new habit and more meaningful connections with people I find myself talking to most often.

To conclude yet another post a bit scatterbrained but with a purpose, I simply say to anyone with eyes on this, take a moment for yourself. We seek hits of dopamine in several aspects of our lives. Are we managing this, or it is managing us? To circle back to Diablo IV, it is certainly the latter for people with nothing better to do than complain about a test period in a video game. Mindset is key for both what you consume as well as how you choose to treat yourself when having free time.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT WEALTH

When we started it, there wasn't any; the few sites you could order from were hand-made objects become store-bought ones—a wire service article whose first sentence is your own ad copy. Every startup that isn't profitable meaning nearly all of them, but none of their software could compete with ours. Most of the disputes I've seen between founders could have been having this idea at the same time, of course, but as far as I can tell it must be hard by how few startups do it. People think that what a business does is make money. In any purely economic relationship you're free to do what you want, not money. With trend stories, PR firms usually line up one or more experts to talk about selling the company to them, we had no experience in business. A programmer can sit down in front of a computer and create wealth. A lot of them try to make relativity strange. In industrialized countries, people belong to one institution or another at least by reputation, the level of measurement is more precise than you get from smallness alone.

I don't think there's an answer. Switching to a new set of buildings, and do things that you do not, ordinarily, be a group. The company that did was RCA, and Farnsworth's reward for his efforts was a decade of patent litigation. Who cares if you could read the minds of the consumers, you'd find these factors were all blurred together. It's rare to get things right the first time in our history, the bullies stopped stealing the nerds' lunch money. I had the misfortune to participate in what amounted to a controlled experiment to prove that. The discoverer is entitled to reply, why didn't you? I know, without knowing they know, that they can create wealth. When we switch to the point of view of a programmer using any of the languages higher up the power continuum. What were the results of this experiment? It takes an effort of will to push through this and get something released to users.

But these had had literally orders of magnitude less scrutiny. By the end of last year. In fact, nice is not the only way to decide which to call it is by comparison with other startups. What you're doing is business creation. It's a good metaphor because it reminds you that when the audience can communicate with one another. The whole tone is bogus. If you want a potato or a pencil or a place to work. Good does not mean being a pushover. But this is a list of the biggest ideas at Google is going to come up with more. And for the same reason: their performance can be measured. When you hear your call is important to us, please stay on the line, do you think, all you have to know who you should be nice to everyone. Developing new technology is a pain in the ass.

Giotto saw traditional Byzantine madonnas painted according to a formula that had satisfied everyone for centuries, and to lose one's sense of humor is to shrug off misfortunes, and to a lesser extent Britain under the labor governments of the 1960s and early 1970s. They didn't care what language Viaweb was written in, or didn't care, I wanted to keep it. He probably considers them about equivalent in power to, say, Python? For one thing, the official fiction is that you don't realize that. And it can't have been heredity, because it was more valuable, but because it is a good bet, he's still at a disadvantage. Gas stations? In this case we get three: the NPD Group, the creative director of GQ.

I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them. Their reporters do go out and learn Lisp. It must have seemed to our competitors that we had some kind of consumer gadget. If you do everything the way the average big company does it, you should leave business models for later, just as you'd leave some trivial but messy feature for version 2. But Durer's engravings and Saarinen's womb chair and the Pantheon and the original Porsche 911 all seem to me slightly funny. This bites you twice: in addition to the direct cost in time, there's the cost in fragmentation—breaking people's day up into bits too small to measure. Like having more than one founder, one VC, and he'll chase down the implications of what one said to them. Why call an auction site eBay?

When you made mistakes, what caused you to make them. I am much the richer for the operating system FreeBSD, which I'm running on the computer I'm using now, and so is Yahoo, which runs it on all their servers. I never reach them through the Times front page is a list of 5 commands Don't ignore your dreams; don't work too much; say what you think; cultivate friendships; be happy. And God help you if you choose them. There is no shortcut to it. It seems unlikely this is a simple answer to the wrong question. If you have a much greater chance of succeeding. But once you've admitted that one high level language can be more powerful than a community of talented people working on related problems. Another thing blogs and open source have in common is the Web. Salesmen are an exception. The recipe for great work is: very exacting taste, plus the ability to gratify it. Our startup made software for making online stores.

They want statements with punch, like top ten. When those far removed from the creation of wealth—undergraduates, reporters, politicians—hear that the richest 5% of the people have half the total wealth, they tend to write it first for whatever computer they personally use. Presumably it killed just about 100% of the startups we've funded have had a founder leave. They believe this because it really feels that way to them. Ditto for many other kinds of companies that don't make anything physical. For most people the best plan probably is to go to work for them. Facebook rightly ignored, look for ideas from the other direction. But you don't need to join a company to do that completely. But more people could do it than do it now. We did it because we want their software to be good. I had that something was amiss was that I couldn't talk to them.

And we weren't the only ones they did great things for the companies they fund, why didn't they start them? Microsoft would still have signed the deal. You look at them and you think, all you need is good hackers: if you depend on an oligopoly, you sink into bad habits that are hard to overcome when you suddenly get competition. When my IBM Thinkpad's hard disk died soon after, it became my only laptop. Few know this, I mean the structure of the calculation. The sterility of offices is supposed to suggest efficiency. If there are three founders and one who was away half the time talking to executives at cell phone companies, trying to arrange deals.

Thanks to Jessica Livingston, Jackie McDonough, Trevor Blackwell, Ben Horowitz, Justin Kan, Aaron Iba, Robert Morris, Karen Nguyen, and Harj Taggar for the lulz.

[rhubarbed-triangle]

Dream SMP and the Major Arcana

Hello! I've recently been learning about tarot cards and readings and I realized that there's a lot of parallels between the characters on the Dream SMP and the major arcana cards. I'm not an expert on the cards, so feel free to let me know if there's a character you think would fit that card better or there's a better explanation somewhere.

For the card definitions, I used this website: https://labyrinthos.co/blogs/tarot-card-meanings-list

I also tried to pick characters for cards that embodied both the upright and reverse meanings as a whole. These descriptions are also all about the characters and not the creators themselves.

The World - Dream and the SMP, could also include the community house

Since The World card signifies community, unification, and traveling, it would make sense that Dream would represent The World. His whole motivation as a character is that he wants the SMP to be unified into one big happy family. And the world is named after him, after all.

Judgement - Jack

The Judgement card represents reflection, reckoning, but when in reverse, also represents self loathing and doubt. The way Jack blames Tommy for his misfortunes but has a change in heart when he finds out Tommy died is the kind of self reflection present in Judgement. And when Tommy comes back and Jack realizes how he meant to Tommy (even if it's not a true reading of the situation), he switches back to trying to hurt Tommy as much as he hurt him. His judgement of Tommy seals both Tommy's and Jack's fate.

The Sun - Foolish, Sapnap

The Sun represents celebration, joy, success. I really don't have a solid connection to the characters here, but it feels like both Foolish and Sapnap could fit this card.

The Moon - Antfrost, Connor

The Moon represents unconsciousness, illusions, and intuition. The Moon reversed is all about confusion, fear, and misinterpretation. When Antfrost was controlled by the Egg, he did his fair share of spreading the fear and showing that the Egg was nothing to be messed with. When he wasn't corrupted, he had a great sense of knowing how the Eggpire was in the wrong even if they didn't have control over their actions. The same could be said with Connor. Connor is one of the only characters of the SMP that seems to know more than what he lets on, getting into shenanigans that others would deem noncanonical.

The Star - Ponk

The Star represents a sense of hope and rejuvenation, and in reverse represents faithlessness and insecurity. The faith that Ponk holds/held for members of the Eggpire before he was corrupted, trying to keep an eye on them, faking being corrupted, as well as the fact that knowing that all of Sam's misdeeds will catch up to him but he'd have a place for Sam to stay regardless embodies the Star's hope.

The Tower - Eret, Eret's Tower, L'Manberg to an extent

The Tower represents sudden change, disaster, and broken pride, but it doesn't necessarily have to be bad. The sudden change from Eret switching sides in the fight for L'Manberg independence was a significant change both for them and for L'Manberg. Still, L'Manberg bounced back, much like Eret did later on when they truly regretted their betrayal. The reverse Tower represents avoided or delayed disaster. The fact that L'Manberg was rebuilt twice after being destroyed until it was destroyed for good just delayed what seemed like the inevitable.

The Devil - Schlatt

Seems self-explanatory, but I can explain just in case. The Devil represents addiction and materialism while the reverse represents freedom and restoring control. Schlatt saw himself rising to power in L'Manberg as freeing the city of the tyranny of the previous rulers. Not to mention, he was heavily involved in many addictions during his life.

Temperance - Ranboo

Patience, the middle ground, and finding meaning is represented by Temperance. Ranboo is one of the most neutral characters on the SMP, and even when he does get wrapped into fighting for a side, he tries to remain as under the radar as possible, not wanting to give any more reason for others to attack. This is apparent with how he's treating Tubbo's outpost outside Las Nevadas versus how Tubbo is treating the outpost as well as dealing with living double lives in the Syndicate and at Snowchester.

Death - Wilbur/Revivebur

Death is the end of a cycle, a metamorphosis into something new, but Death in reverse can also mean stagnation and a fear of change. The way Wilbur's character changes throughout the SMP's history, taking many forms, greatly mimics the political changes as well as meta changes to the SMP. But at the same time, Revivebur has a similar mentality to S1 Wilbur while the rest of the server has moved on without him.

The Hanged Man - Tommy

The Hanged Man is a tragic card, representing sacrifice and martyrdom but in reverse also represents needless sacrifice. The way that Tommy is continually pushed to sacrifice more and more of the things and people he loves may be seen as needless. He could also be interpreted as a martyr when he died in prison as his death marks a shift in the SMP, especially shown in how people reacted when the news broke out.

Justice - Sam

As the warden of the server, Sam represents the law. But the Justice card is more than that. It's cause and effect, truth, clarity. Sam sees things in very black and white: either you're a good person who does good things or you're a bad person who does bad things. The way he's confused when Ponk mentions that all the bad things he's done will catch up to him shows that Sam doesn't think of himself as a bad person and thus couldn't have done anything bad. Justice in reverse also signifies unfairness and unaccountability like the fact that Sam allowed Quackity to visit Dream despite knowing what was going on.

Wheel of Fortune - Karl

The Wheel of Fortune is about cycles of good and bad fortune as well as inevitable fate. The fact that Karl has no choice when he time travels and still must pay the price for it every time fits very well.

The Hermit - Fundy

While most think of The Hermit card as isolation and loneliness, the Hermit also represents inner guidance and seeking the truth. As Fundy is guided by his dreams, he tries to glean the meaning from what they show him. He even isolates himself in the hope that the dreams wouldn't happen anymore (which can be interpreted as he hoped he found the truth about them). Even before he was having dreams, he would isolate himself from the rest of the SMP for periods of time like after the destruction of L'Manberg for the final time.

Strength - Technoblade

While physically strong and confident in terms of his artillery, Techno is insecure in his loyalties with other members of the SMP, as in, he can't fight with words. The two most common ways of fighting, with words and charisma and with brute force, both show up in Techno but as extremely unbalanced. The dichotomy between Strength's physical power and the insecurity in its reverse matches well with Techno's strengths and weaknesses.

The Chariot - Niki

The Chariot represents direction and control, movement, but in reverse can also signify aggressiveness or lack of control. Niki is a very motivated character. She knows what she wants and she will get it. She also knows how other people may feel about what's going on, and she can recruit them to her side. When she knows what she wants, she will get it, but sometimes may lose control of the situation.

The Lovers - Bad and Skeppy

The Lovers card doesn't necessarily have to mean romantic ties between two or more people, the card can also mean partnerships and duality, and in reverse, can mean one-sidedness. The fact that it was implied that the reason Bad is only with the Egg is because of Skeppy and that Dream was planning on locking Skeppy up in his vault to control Bad shows that these two are connected on a much deeper level than most of the other pairs on the SMP. Not to mention, when both Bad and Skeppy were corrupted, it was pretty evident that only Bad cared about their relationship in a one-sided way.

The Hierophant - Tubbo

The Hierophant represents tradition and conformity, morality and ethics while in reverse represents subversiveness and rebellion. Tubbo fights between the good for those he loves and the good for all. This is especially prevalent when he had to choose between Tommy or between L'Manberg. Tubbo also fights between tradition, like when he was president, and disregarding tradition when that doesn't work, like with Snowchester.

The Emperor - Philza

The Emperor embodies authority, fatherhood, structure while also meaning ridigity and coldness in reverse. It's no secret that Philza is seen as a father figure in the SMP. Even to characters that he hasn't fathered, his word and stance on things are taken into great consideration. People trust his authority. Not to mention, he is associated with cold, snowy climates.

The Empress - Captain Puffy

The Empress signifies motherhood, nature, healing. Puffy is another figure on the SMP that is seen as parental. Like Phil, despite not being an official parent to many characters, her word and authority is trusted. She has opened a therapy office to help others heal. She is powerful enough where she is a genuine threat to the Eggpire while also remaining approachable enough for Tommy to seek her out for help.

The High Priestess - George

The High Priestess is very spiritual, very in tune with intuition and the unconscious/inner voice. The fact that George gets messages in his dreams which have included conversations with an inner voice/consciousness is about as blatantly High Priestess as one can get. He is also one, if not the only, character on the SMP that is friends with Dream XD, the god of the server.

The Magician - Quackity

The Magician is a master at getting what they want, seemingly making something out of nothing. The card represents willpower, desire but also trickery and illusionment when in reverse. Quackity, like Niki, knows what he wants, but unlike Niki, Quackity can get the outcome he wants by any means necessary, never losing control of the situation. People will listen to him, it's just taken him multiple different attempts to drive that point across.

The Fool - Charlie, Ghostbur

The Fool represents innocence and new beginnings but when in reverse, can also signify being taken advantage of and inconsideration. Both Charlie and Ghostbur have an air of innocence about them, that they could do no wrong, but for different reasons. Charlie simply doesn't know any better as he has no basis for what is normal, so he can't recognize when he's being taken advantage of. Charlie is also a slime that has been given a second shot at life as a human. Ghostbur simply can't remember the wrong he's done and thus can't atone for it, hurting those he loves further. Ghostbur also is Wilbur's literal rebirth into someone new.

Like I said, feel free to make corrections or additions. I'm sure there are more parallels elsewhere that I missed.

:D

[rachelthompsonauthor]

What is social proof? It’s a marketing concept that we are all inadvertently, unknowingly contributing to every time we click on, retweet, like, reply or comment, and share any kind of social media, article, or blog post on the net. Technically, social proof, as defined by Sprout Social is:

The concept that people will follow the actions of the masses. The idea is that since so many other people behave in a certain way, it must be the correct behavior.

Social Proof and Me

As an author, social media is a hugely important part of my author platform, as it is for any writer or blogger. This is how we connect with readers now, even before the pandemic. Virtual, online events are now the norm. Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube Live video discussions are the new book signings. Twitter chats are weekly on any number of topics; I have two of my own, in fact, #SexAbuseChat every Tuesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est and #BookMarketingChat every Wednesday at 6 pm pst/9 pm est.

All important for visibility, branding, and most importantly, connection.

However…there’s a limit. I reached my limit over the course of this past year. It didn’t come all at once. It came, little by little, reaching a peak this past month or so.

Why? How? Me, the so-called social media expert?

Access. Like many people, I have issues with the incredible level of access Facebook gives people once we friend them without our consent. PMs (private messages) are automatic, now with the ability for people to call, voice, and video message us, with no option to shut these options to OFF unless we unfriend the person (we can, however, mute a specific conversation). Technically, we do give them consent in the legal mumbo jumbo we all agreed to when we joined back in the 2010s.

I am not okay with this. And Facebook doesn’t care. Nobody cares. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, Karen. Shut up, already. Stop your whining, white lady.” I get it. I do. First-world problems.

I counter with: I hear you. It’s also part of my business. A huge part. Here’s why:

As someone who manages over 70+ various social media accounts as part of my BadRedhead Media business, plus my own accounts as well, Facebook requires I have a personal account in order to manage all those other Pages. I do understand why, particularly with all the ridiculousness of the past four years with the abundance of fake accounts, fake news, and such.

As a survivor of sexual abuse and stalking, this is ultra-concerning to me. So, what happened this past month or so? Suffice it to say, one person repeatedly tried calling me. I never pick up Facebook calls, especially if I don’t know you. Another left me a few voice messages saying they were offended by something.

Yet another left me another message in ALL SHOUTY CAPS that she didn’t find what I posted inspirational enough and she expected better from someone who is “supposedly on the side of authors.”

Oh, and there is the one lady who started replying on ALL my posts to the kind people who did comment that she didn’t think I replied often enough or to her satisfaction.

Well. I’ve been criticized before. You should read some of my 1-star reviews. There’s plenty!

But, for whatever reason, this struck a chord. I got up in my feels. I cried. I talked with one of them and we worked it out because we like and respect each other’s work in the mental health space. The others I blocked. It’s darn frustrating to donate hours of my time each week to helping writers solely because I want to, only to be told it’s not enough. Like, seriously? Fuck off.

My blood raged. My heart sank. Understandable, right?

But what really made me angry is that I put myself in that position by being available. I accepted that ‘it is what it is.’ This is what the social media platforms have given us, so that’s what I have to work within.

I’m too available. It’s too easy to leave me shitty messages. This is why people hire people like me – to handle this crap for them! So they don’t have to read these ridiculous criticisms from judgy people who apparently have nothing better to do or are having a bad day.

And I get bad days. It’s a damn pandemic. We’re all struggling. Where’s the damn compassion for one another?

I have a dislike/hate relationship with Facebook anyway, since about ten or so years ago when I discovered that a past love had died by suicide by going to his personal profile and seeing, “RIP dude,” messages there. We had spoken early that day. It still haunts me.

So…what to do? I’m claiming my time. I’m not posting to my personal Facebook profile right now. I’m ignoring it. I am checking my Pages and of course, my client Pages. When I feel like I can face it again, I will cull my ‘friends’ down from *checks real quick* 4385 people to maybe, I don’t know, the few hundred in my groups, many of whom I do know and treasure.

Social Proof and You

If you’re a writer, social proof matters. This is the world we live in. Publishing is not only writing.

You need to be ‘findable,’ not only on Google, but also on each individual social platform, so your readers can learn more about you and hopefully, buy your books. If you go the traditional route, publishers and agents want to know how many followers you have (easily upped by buying fake followers or likes from Fiverr or wherever). I suggest not doing that, because:

1) fake followers don’t buy books 

2) it’s usually pretty obvious when you have fake followers because they’re all foreign names, have questionable bios, and no tweets

3) do you really want to start your publishing career with a lie? 

They also want to know what you post, how often, and what your branding is. If you’re an indie author, honestly, the same applies. Social proof is about connection, building relationships, and authenticity. I’ve believed that since I started my business and writing career way back in 2011, and I stand by it now. Start slow, grow slow. It’s not a race.

I’m the furthest thing you’ll even find from a conspiracy theorist – I don’t believe in chemtrails, pizza parlor cabals, or that the earth is flat. However, I am a realist. Watch The Social Dilemma sometime. These huge tech companies share our data without our knowledge or consent (Cambridge Analytics, anyone?). Younger generations are so used to this, they don’t really care – ask them.

(My kids think having a chip implanted in their hands with all their data is a fabulous idea. “So much easier than having to talk and repeat everything over and over. Just scan me and be done with it,” says my daughter Anya (21). “Agree,” grunts my son, Lukas (15). Buy stuff, go to the doctor, whatever. Scan and go. Talk with any GenZ kid, you’ll likely get a similar answer. They’ve been tracked since birth everywhere. They don’t know life without a computer, tablet, or phone in their hands.)

Know that whatever we do, it’s all part of each platforms’ AI, and they share data, which is why that darling pair of shoes you just saw on Amazon is now showing up on Google, Facebook, Twitter, and every website you visit going forward. It’s all about the money, and they all get a piece of that affiliate link.

Every bit of every click is recorded, even when you’re watching videos on YouTube, or a subscription service like Netflix, or perusing goods on Amazon. It’s all connected. I’m not shocked or surprised by any of this, are you?

It’s Not Personal

What people say to us and about us is ultimately incredibly revealing about them. We know this, at an intellectual, psychological, and emotional level. Still, when people say mean things, it hurts. We’re human.

Does it matter in the overall scope of our lives? Who can say. It matters at that moment. It can matter when it comes to overall visibility when you’re marketing your book(s) or trying to get that book contract or interview. Only you can say if it matters to you.

Already a longtime fan of THE FOUR AGREEMENTS by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took a moment to reorient myself with this one agreement: Don’t take anything personally. I also stumbled across an excellent short and entertaining TEDTalk by Frederick Imbo. His main message to stop taking things personally is two-fold;

It’s not about me. Look at the other person’s intention and

It IS about me. Give yourself some empathy. Speak up. Ask questions. Pay attention to how you feel and be vulnerable with your needs.

I’m glad I was able to, inadvertently, employ point #2 and work out some issues with one of the people by telling him what he said made me cry. He apologized. I apologized. We talked it through and we’re still friends.

Ultimately, social media is what we contribute to it. What we make it. How much we allow of it into our lives. Social proof is going along with the tide. I’ve been in this space since 2008. Being connected to others is a big part of the work I do to help and support not only other writers, but also other childhood sexual abuse survivors. However, I’ve reached that point. I knew it was coming.

I’m not shutting my doors. I’m just adding a screen. With a strong lock.

***

Read more about Rachel’s experiences in the award-winning book, Broken Pieces.

She goes into more detail about living with PTSD and realizing the effects of how being a survivor affected her life in

Broken Places, available in print everywhere!

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The post What Is Social Proof and Does It Matter, Really? appeared first on Rachel Thompson.

via Rachel Thompson

[watchathon]

Stitch Day Special: Lilo & Stitch

In case you’re finding this post just by browsing the tags I’ve used for this post, this is the Watch-a-Thon, a blog where I’m hoping to watch an episode of a show every one-to-two days, with a short blog post where I give my thoughts on what I’ve just seen. Each new point starts with a hyphen and a bolded first word.

- Like so. 

But today? Well, today I’ve got an extra-special post in the wings about a movie, one of my favorite Disney movies, starring my absolute favorite Disney character: Lilo & Stitch!

- I like the variation on the Disney logo. That is the kind of stuff that they just couldn’t do with their new big fancy CGI logo. 

- No clue why Jumba tried to deny that he created an experiment. I don’t much mind since it led to a funny joke, but c’mon, evil genius, you should be smart enough to plead guilty.

- “I would never, ever... make more than one.” *glances meaningfully in the direction of the series*

- “What is that monstrosity...?” He’s a cute widdle fluffball, that’s what he is!

- “Meega nala kweesta!” Canonically, this translates to “I want to destroy”, but that seems a little lukewarm for the reaction he got. Maybe a looser translation is in order...

There could be an entire aristocrats joke in those three words. The whole script to Batman v Superman. The opening notes to “Never Gonna Give You Up”...

Or maybe just “bitch”.

- Blood work is a lot different in space...

- Weird to imagine given the rest of the franchise, but Gantu was once a respected captain of the galactic federation.

- It’s easy to perceive Stitch as a dumb brute, but he’s pretty smart. He connected the dots all on his own, within minutes of his imprisonment, that if the guns are locked onto his DNA, he can use his saliva to trick them. Jumba wasn’t kidding when he boasted of his experiment’s intelligence.

- And not only was Gantu a captain, Pleakley was an expert on the planet Earth. Weird, innit...?

- “Are [humans] intelligent?” “No.” An exchange that only hurts more with every year.

- Love the implication that Pleakley was just suggesting several different relatives to assist with the capture of Stitch from when they were on the deck up until they got to the prison where Jumba was held.

- Now this is what we (or rather TVTropes) call an establishing character moment. A fish floats by holding a sandwich in its mouth, implying (soon confirming) that Lilo was the one to give it the sandwich, before rushing to the hula practice that she was late for, stopping to take a picture of a tourist along the way.

- And then after she arrives at hula practice, she explains that she had to give Pudge the fish a peanut butter sandwich because he controls the weather.

- No clue why the other girls are disgusted by Scrump. I always wanted a Scrump when I was a little lass.

- “Did you ever kill anyone?” Lilo asks the right questions.

- Nani, y’could’ve avoided this if you’d given a thumbs up instead...

- I don’t get the glare Cobra gives Nani after Lilo says that her friends need to be punished. Voodoo isn’t a failure of parenting. In many cases, at least...

- Licking Nani, growling after her capture, Lilo already has a lot in common with Stitch.

- Lucky that Lilo is such a quirky kid. The scene (semi-)explaining why she takes pictures of tourists was deleted, but it doesn’t feel like anything is missing because she already has a few habits that just plain inexplicable, like feeding Pudge, practicing voodoo with a pickle jar...

- Lilo wishing for an angel because of how lonely she is, that’s a sad moment. But also kinda funny in hindsight after she sarcastically names Stitch’s love interest Angel in the series.

- Lord give me the undisturbed...ness, of that frog who watched Stitch get run over by several trucks and only tilted its head.

- If they thought Stitch was dead, why did they keep it in the shelter? I mean, Lilo would probably adopt a dead dog, but she’s the outlier.

- I like how Jumba programmed, as part of Stitch’s destructive tendencies, an urge to steal everybody’s left shoe.

- You can just about pinpoint the moment where Stitch’s heart drops at learning that he’s on an island with no major cities.

- Just occurred to me that the badness level is red, and Stitch’s evil counterparts in the series (627 and Leroy) are both red.

- Ah, David. One of the best Disney love interests, mostly because he isn’t entirely a love interest. There is a mutual attraction, but Nani just isn’t ready for that with everything going on in her life, and David respects that and is happy to be a friend.

- I like how everyone except Lilo heavily suspects that Stitch isn’t a dog. 

- Ohhh, the thought of Stitch having drank coffee. I mean, I’d love to see it, but it’d be Hell for Nani.

- Stitch looks just plain adorable with a lei.

- Well, Lilo, you did tell Stitch he should create something. And he did, he just destroyed his creation afterward.

- Pleakley is a gender-nonconforming icon.

- The first time we see Stitch doing something without even the intention of destroying anything is when he finds the book about the Ugly Duckling. It’s clear that he’s fascinated just by looking at it. And when Lilo explains the story? It resonates with him. Or, well, perhaps he wants it to resonate with him.

- I wish I had an evil koala dog that played records.

- Are we sure that “Meega nala kweesta” means “I want to destroy”? Maybe it means “I was born to dance”, ‘cause Stitch learns about dancing and in less than a minute he’s already an expert.

- I imagine this montage, or slightly earlier, would be when that deleted scene of Lilo trolling the obnoxious racist tourists originally came into play. And I like this scene, but, I do wish that scene hadn’t gotten cut. And I wish that they fully animated it and inserted it into the movie like Warner Bros did with The Iron Giant.

- Nothing cheers me up more than this scene of Stitch and his newfound family going surfing. And especially since Stitch is aquaphobic. He’s very much aware that he cannot swim, and likely wouldn’t survive if he fell off the board into the ocean. But even he eventually gets into the spirit of it, asks Lilo himself to go surfing, and enjoys a nice bonding moment with his family. And David.

- Of course Jumba and Pleakley had to ruin a perfectly sweet moment.

- And so we transition from a heartwarming wholesome moment, to a heartbreaking tearful moment. You can just see Nani holding back tears as she says that she needs to take Lilo home. 

As for Stitch, David probably didn’t even realize that Stitch could understand him when he said that Lilo and Nani had a chance until Stitch came along. But Stitch did understand, and he’s visibly hurt by the idea. He always wanted to destroy, but in this moment, he’s ashamed of how he might have destroyed Lilo’s family.

- And the Ugly Ducking metaphor comes back, when in this moment, as Stitch is coming back to a family that he fears he may have ruined, he sees a lone duck... before that duck is followed by a big family of ducklings.

- Lilo says that Stitch cries at night. So, it would seem that even before he completely learned how to be nice, Stitch wasn’t entirely emotionless.

- This whole act of the film is heart-wrenching. First Nani gets confirmation that she and Lilo will be separated, then Stitch starts to fear that he may have caused it. Then because of that? Stitch leaves, taking only the Ugly Duckling book with him. And he can only see in himself the page of the Duckling, lost and crying.

- Then Jumba tells Stitch, who’s already in a bad place emotionally, that he was made to destroy, has no family, and could never have one.

- I don’t want to think about what happened to that chainsaw.

- There’s a certain feeling that comes up in the middle of this fight scene, where you realize that a house is being destroyed, a house belonging to a family that was very much at risk of separation. And you realize that this will only hurt their case beyond any repair.

- If the past day hadn’t been bad enough, Stitch is told by his best friend Lilo that he ruined everything, and to get away.

- And so Nani really does have her sister taken away. Now, taken away by aliens is a lot different than taken away by social services. It’s worse. This way Nani knows that Lilo definitely won’t get a loving family, and Nani will definitely never see her again.

- The confusion is visible on Jumba and Pleakley when Stitch goes and comforts Nani with a quote about family. All they know about Stitch is that he was made to destroy. And then, once he’s captured, he does just about the opposite.

- “Ih.” To this day I sometimes say Ih on reflex when asked a yes-or-no question. Guess I watched this movie way too many times as a kid, huh? ...I regret nothing.

- Originally, the big red plane-looking thing was supposed to just be a plane, and it would’ve flown through a city. And it was changed because it was too soon after 9/11. But me personally, I think the big red thing is real cool, and I like it flying through the valleys.

- “Stitch is unconscious.” I like that Jumba calls Stitch by his name here. In the series, he always calls Stitch “626″ but his name is Stitch. And I like the rare occasion when that’s respected by the mad genius who created him.

- I want to believe that Stitch dodged that laser for the sake of the frog he was holding more than for his own sake. Stitch is strong enough that a few moments later, he survives an explosion of a whole truck that he’s lying on top of.

- Stitch proudly calling himself “cute and fluffy” is another thing I just love. Might be reading too much into it, but I like that he can call himself by those descriptors and still have total confidence in his ability to kick Gantu’s patookie.

- My favorite scene in the movie, and the scene I took the picture from.

Stitch corrects the Grand Councilwoman about his name. And when he’s told that he needs to go in the ship (the implication being that he’ll be punished like he was meant to be at the beginning), he doesn’t rebel or try to escape. He only politely asks that he be allowed to say goodbye.

He explains that his family is “little and broken, but still good”, both explaining it to the councilwoman and reassuring Lilo and Nani.

This is the ultimate display of how Stitch has grown. And he grew because, despite what Jumba said, Stitch could find, and did find, the one true place he belonged: With a good, loving family.

- The Grand Councilwoman is clearly remorseful that they’ll have to separate Stitch from his family, but she can’t bend the law for this one case. And she doesn’t, but it just so happens that, legally speaking, Lilo owns Stitch. And, well, what self-respecting Grand Councilwoman would steal a child’s property?

- A lot of people (including middle-school me) say that the stuff with Stitch and the aliens get in the way of the story of Lilo and Nani. I disagree. These two stories are intertwined, both about people wanting to stay with the family where they know they belong. I just couldn’t, at all, imagine one without the other.

- Now this is the kind of ending I love. It’s become common for animated movies, sequels in particular, to end on the two main characters getting separated. But here? Stitch is now a definitive part of the family, and won’t be separated from them anytime soon. Anime? What anime?

FINAL THOUGHTS:

I guess I’ll be doing this on the rare occasion I cover movies...?

Anyway, this is a great movie. A modern classic. And one of very few things that doesn’t just hold up from when I was a kid, it gets better. When I was a tiny kid, I was only interested in the space aliens. When I was in my early teens, I thought the aliens were kiddy stuff. 

But nowadays, I can truly appreciate it. I can appreciate how both aspects are vital to the movie. Lilo and Stitch are both equally important. You can’t have one without the other.

And most of all, I can appreciate the story of Stitch (as well as Jumba and Pleakley) finding a family, and Lilo (as well as Nani) saving theirs from being torn apart.

Lilo & Stitch brings me to tears of both joy and sadness every time I watch it. And I guarantee I’ll be watching it many more times in the future.

...Does it still count as a Stitch Day special if I’m posting after midnight? No, probably not. I thought I’d only take two hours, then I took four and a half. Guess that means I had more thoughts than I thought I did!

[thekarmancollection]

Welcome!

Kartik Singh and Aman Tripathi.

When I first watched the trailer for Shubh Mangal Zyaada Saavdhan, I was immensely excited. It was going to be the first mainstream same sex love story to be depicted on the big screen after all. Who wouldn’t be excited for it? What I didn’t count on was to be moved by their story so much.

Living in Canada, I have been exposed to LGBTQ+ stories for so many years. Whether it was in literature, TV shows, films, cartoons, anime - I have seen them all. But it has always been in the Western context. It always happened to people who were drastically different to me in so many ways. I may empathize with them, but I was never able to connect with them.

Until Shubh Mangal Zyaada Saavdhan that is.

Kartik and Aman are two gay men, while I’m a bisexual woman. Yet, I identify more with them because of some fundamental things like being able to understand their language. Being able to know the heavy pressure that comes with not wanting to be a huge disappointment to the family. Of knowing that even though you may not be in constant connection with your chacha/chachi, massar/massi, pua/puphar, mama/mami - on some level, knowing that they’re gossiping about you as if you’re a bad seed, it hurts.

Then there are other elements that make them so familiar. Like the gaaliyan that get thrown around each other (saale), the sarcastic comments (hum kuthe hai kya?), or the pop cultural references (ban paye ga tu Roadies?). There have been so many heterosexual movies that replicated iconic Bollywood moments, like DDLJ’s train scene, as a way of propping up their own romantic couples. I always understood what they were trying to but it still never made me care. They’re the main leads, a man and a woman, of course they will get their happy ending. But to see Kartik and Aman in that same context, it hit me so hard. The only different thing about Kartik and Aman is that they’re both men. Other than that, their love is just the same and just as valid as all the heterosexual pairings the audience has been made to see thus far.

If the film wasn’t enough, the songs captured my whole heart. Ooh La La is the crack song that lifts up my head any time of the day. Pyaar Tenu Karda Hai Gabru makes me want to dance no matter where I am, and I’m super insecure about my dancing. Mere Liye Tum Kaafi Ho makes me want to stare out the window, and wonder where my future partner is so that I can tell them the same one day. Aisi Taisi reminds me of how hypocritical society is and it’s best to just do what you want to, while Kya Karte The Sajna makes me want to wear a bi cape and shout things at people from the rooftop. And finally Raakh owns my soul. If I were to ever name a song that describes me than it will hands down be this one. Death and the LGBTQ+ community share a very long history. Yet, this history never got in the way of keeping hope alive for a better tomorrow. Yesterday may have been bad, but we can’t let it cloud the future. After all, zidd jad mein hai kya karenge.

Seeing Kartik and Aman’s story made me realize just how ignorant I have been of the LGBTQ+ lives, and issues within my own desi community. Because I had felt so culturally removed from seeing all the predominantly non-Brown stories, for some reason I had gotten it in my head that we don’t exist. Our stories don’t exist. As such, I did a huge disservice to my own self, because I am one. I am that face that we don’t get to see on the screens. I have that story that doesn’t get told often. I am that person who others may connect to.

I had accepted my bisexuality a long time ago, but have only recently chosen to connect with others in an active manner. Especially with those who are from the desi community. I’m not here to do anything radical, or be the answer to a lot of questions, or even be a leading voice in a particular cause. There’s still so much that I have to learn myself after all.

What I will be doing is what I do best: write stories. I’m still learning how to craft original stories, and characters, so I will stick to writing pieces on Kartik and Aman for now. It’ll help me greatly to learn how to write out different voices, our cultural context etc. Apart from that, I’ll occasionally write some meta pieces about the movie as well. There’s simply so much going on both on the surface, as well as subtext, and I would like to write out my two cents on it.

Lastly, this blog is an absolute safe space for everyone, regardless of who they are. Like I had mentioned, I am not an expert on everything that pertains to sexuality, so I will always refrain from making generalized comments as I know they’re not applicable to everyone. If I ever make a mistake, do me a kind favor, and politely point out my mistake. Don’t immediately jump down my throat and demonize me for not knowing everything under the sun.

Let’s engage in healthy conversations where we all help educate one another. Let’s pick each other up when we make mistakes, comfort one another for our losses, and celebrate our successes.

Without any further ado, welcome to thekarmancollection. 💜

[somedayonbroadway]

wAIT I REALLY WANNA HEAR YOUR OFFICE AU IM VERY CURIOUS LOL

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

Yes!!!!! Fun story, I did this one once, but I didn’t like it at all, so I’m redoing it now and I’m stoked!

The Office AU

Characters

Jack Kelly — Jim Halpert

Katherine Plumber — Pam Beesley

Spot Conlon — Dwight Schrute

Racetrack Higgins — Angela Martin

Albert DaSilva — Andy Bernard

Morris Delancey — Ryan Howard

Henry — Kelly Kapoor

Hannah — Meredith Palmer

Medda Larkin — Phyllis Vance

William Hearst — Stanley Hudson

Oscar Delancey — Oscar Martinez

Darcy — Toby Flenderson

Obadiah Weisel — Creed Bratton

Specs — Darrel Philbin

Crutchie Morris — Erin Hannon

Todd Kloppman— Michael Scott

Okay so…

Jack Kelly

A salesman at a local paper company, a job he originally sees himself as getting out of fairly quickly despite sticking around for ten years.

He’s a talented, but insecure artist, longing to go to school for art and eventually make a living off of his work

Growing up, Jack has two older brothers who are difficult to get along with as they both were jocks and loved to pick on him

Also growing up, Jack had an abusive father and a mother who walked out on him at a very young age.

Upon beginning to work at Dunder Mifflin, Jack finds himself falling for the quiet receptionist

Finding out that said receptionist is and has been engaged, he starts on the hardest waiting period of his life

Jack is the prankster of the office, choosing mostly to blow off his actual work and mess with his desk mate Sean whom he calls “Spot” just to mess with him more

This catches on until the whole office calls Sean “Spot”

Jack often gets bored as he claims that he hates his job and is looking for ways around actually doing it, especially in the beginning

He’s a huge baseball fan, though he admits he wasn’t a huge fan of playing sports even though he was on several teams in high school, as he wanted to be able to match his brothers’ accomplishments.

His sarcasm is a sort of escape from the world around him.

Does not like costumes very much

Everybody loves Jack except for Spot, who is convinced that Jack is his worst nemesis.

It takes Jack a long time to admit his feelings for Katherine, the receptionist he’s fallen in love with, and when he does, he is overall rejected, prompting him to request a job transfer

Eventually moving on, Jack ends up dating one Davey Jacobs from another branch of the company before that branch is closed and he’s moved back

He’d always been scared about being openly bisexual, but he liked Davey

Eventually, he realizes that despite liking Davey, he’s still very much in love with Katherine and breaks up with the other man, asking Katherine out on a date.

Davey eventually becomes his best friend

After asking Katherine out finally, the two end up staying together and getting married

Jack proposes at a gas station in the rain when he eventually goes away to art school for three months

Together, Jack and Katherine have two kids.

They find out they’re pregnant on accident before they are married

He often lives spontaneously, never running anything by anyone and hoping for the best

Eventually becomes one of the most trusted people within the company

Is forever devoted to Katherine

His father dies before his wedding and Jack can’t bring himself to cry and, when faced with going back into his childhood home, finds he can’t do it

Becomes protective of his friends, including his coworkers (especially Crutchie once he begins working there)

Is attacked at one point by Katherine’s ex-fiancé

Is very soft and romantic

Is often teased for being bi, especially by the “traditionalists” in his office who claim he practically has slept with everyone in the office

Brushing things off fairly easily, again using sarcasm and jokes to mask his feelings

Is slightly protective of Henry who is very young and naive and continuously goes back to a relationship that is toxic for him

Finds humor in any situation he can.

Genuinely likes to make people happy and will do a lot to make that happen

Katherine Plumber

Is shy and quiet when she starts working at Dunder Mifflin

Is often referred to as boring and solemn

Is in an endless, slightly abusive relationship that she’s convinced is meant to be for eight years, ever since high school.

Grows up as an only child with well off “normal” parents who end up divorcing each other when she and Jack are engaged

Is the “hottie” of the office and is one of the few women who work there, the youngest actually

Jack often has to subtly get people to stop harassing her

She enjoys writing and even has her own blog and publishes her own journals online. Jack reads every single one of them

Is very close with her mother and has a strained relationship with her father who does not like Jack and likes her previous fiancé better

Katherine is very meek and shy towards the beginning of her career, but often gravitated towards Jack because he brought out the humorous, adventurous side of her

Had been dating the same man since her freshman year of high school, despite him bringing his brother on their first date and abandoning her at a basketball game having forgotten about her.

Despite being engaged for three years, she often jokes that there’s no end in sight

Tries to convince herself that Jack is like her brother in the beginning to deny her own feelings for him

Jack teaches her how to fight, telling her that she’s a woman who often walks alone in New York City and she needs to have some training on her side

She comes from a rich family who she denies funds from in an attempt to be independent.

After Jack admits his feelings for her, she lets him kiss her, resulting in her calling off her wedding without explanation

Losing touch with Jack for a long few months, Katherine finds herself wanting to be more assertive, saying what she wants and making sure she gets it

Realizing she’s in love with Jack after seeing and accidentally picking up a call from him over the months he was gone, she embarks on a waiting period similar to Jack’s as Jack is in a relationship with Davey and she fears it will never end

Davey and her actually end up becoming pretty good friends, and after Jack and Davey break up, he becomes a sort of confidant and best friend to the both of them. After a while, obviously. David’s not too happy with Kath after Jack breaks up with him

During Jack’s relationship with David, Katherine ends up going back to her ex, lasting for a while before she wants to be honest with him.

She tells him about Jack’s kiss resulting in him having a hissy fit and starting a bar fight and later attacking Jack at their workplace.

Jack and Katherine start to grow closer again after this

Once they start dating, Katherine starts to break through her shell

When Jack goes away to art school she’s disappointed he didn’t propose to her but ends up accepting his proposal when meeting him halfway

She finds out she’s pregnant after twisting her ankle playing volleyball, which she’s rather good at, at a company picnic before the wedding

Jack and her run away from their own wedding when things go wrong and get married on a boat before having the wedding they planned

While going into labor, Katherine admits she’s terrified and sees herself as unfit to be a mother before Jack promises her that they’re in this together

She has two children with Jack

Her and Race have a strained relationship despite the fact that they both constantly try to be friends

While she often helps Jack on his pranks with Spot, she is kind to Spot and is one of the only people who knows about his secret relationship from the start

When Jack starts a business that takes off in Santa Fe, she and him begin to fight but eventually get over their single rough patch and end up drawing closer together

She stands up for herself and her family above all else

Spot Conlon

Is a born and raised traditionalist according to everyone else

Lives on a beat farm

Believes that there are strict rules for men and women that should be followed as he’s basically been brainwashed since he was born

Is in an on again off again relationship with a man, which he is at first ashamed of, as men were not supposed to sleep with other men

Is a purple belt in karate

Is the highest ranking salesman at Dunder Mifflin

Believes his biggest nemesis to be Jack who is constantly trying to prank him in various ways, ranging from simple and childish to well thought out and expertly orchestrated

Main goal in life is to become the manager at Dunder Mifflin despite being loyal to the current manager who’s not quite as big an idiot as Michael Scott is

Is named Assistant Regional Manager but if often referred to as Assistant to the Regional Manager

Volunteer Sheriff’s deputy for a while

Wants to be the leader of his workplace but would also do what needs to be done in order to protect his coworkers at any cost (ex: saving Jack from getting beaten to a pulp by Kath’s ex)

Is an expert paintball player

Falls in love with the head of accounting (his on again off again relationship) and is actually able to make his partner happy

Had a somewhat abusive and distant father and basically raised himself and his younger cousin Vince

Spot enjoys having control over things, making life a bit harder for the people around him as he enjoys acting as somewhat of a vigilante.

Is in a relationship with the head of accounting, Race, until he murders Race’s cat and is dumped, sending him spiraling into depression

Upon this break, Race starts dating and gets engaged to Albert DaSilva, a salesman who came back with Jack

Towards the end of that engagement, Spot wins Race back in the event of having an affair before both Spot and Albert have enough and walk away

Eventually Spot ends up in a relationship with a friend of Katherine’s named Riddle (@bexlynne’s amazing OC)

Moves from this relationship back to Race after a while and then back again until eventually realizing that Race is the only one for him and running Race off the road to propose to him.

Regards Katherine as his best friend despite her marrying his worst enemy

He loves Katherine’s kids who grow up calling him “uncle Spot” against Jack’s wishes

Learns sign language for his boyfriend

Knows German as he mostly spoke German growing up

Is fairly closed off

Will do anything to protect the people he cares about

Racetrack Higgins

The head of accounting at Dunder Mifflin

Raised in a very religious home for most of his life before being moved around in different foster homes, most of which were bad

Is mostly deaf with one hearing aid that allows him to work normally even though he often shuts the thing off to actually concentrate

Learns sign language from a teacher at his school who wants him to be able to actually communicate in a proper way that he can easily understand.

Is often cold towards people who talk down to him or talk slower so he can try to read their lips

Owns several cats

Head of the party planning committee

Craves validation

Is perceived as homophobic before his romance with Spot Conlon is found out by Katherine

Has a strained relationship with Katherine who he constantly tries to be friends with when he’s in a good mood.

Bottles up his emotions as best he can out of force of habit

Hates people who put their relationships on display as he views it as indecent

Is unapologetic

Is in an on again off again relationship with Spot Conlon who often calls him “Monkey”

After this relationship officially ends for the first time, he is asked out by Albert DaSilva

Accepting this, he finds he’s easily annoyed by Albert but likes how sweet the man can be when he tries

Eventually Race begrudgingly accepts a proposal from him, one that spoils Jack and Kath’s original plan for a proposal

Has an affair with Spot towards the end of the engagement, leaving Spot and Al to fight over him in an old fashioned duel

Jack finds Race crying in the bathroom and looks up the signs to promise he won’t tell anyone

Race connects with the receptionist that takes over for Katherine, as Crutchie also grew up in the foster system, but has a much more positive outlook on life

Race tries to protect him, much like the rest of the office

Later, after Spot’s next relationship, they end up sleeping together again only for Spot to move on eventually

Race is later hit on by a politician who eventually asks for his hand in marriage.

Race agrees, only to later find out that the man was in love with someone else and eventually get dumped and kicked out.

Oscar, whom Race has never truly gotten along with, offers to put Race up while he gets back on his feet, resulting in Race admitting to him that he’s still in love with Spot

When Spot runs him off the road to propose to him, he gets down on one knee and signs to him, making Race cry

Race and Spot adopt a son together and live on Spot’s farm

At the wedding, Jack is Spot’s best man, Katherine is Race’s

Oscar is named their son’s godfather

Race has a really hard life that he refuses to open up about, but he turns out alright in the end

If you’d like to hear about more characters or see any scenes, just let me know!

[devourer--of--books]

I’m mad about Hunter being written off and here’s why you should be too

You: wasted potential.

Me, an intellectual: ah, Hunter and Nicola’s friendship

I have strong opinions about Hunter.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Look, I have strong opinions about many, many, things. Today, we are taking a dive on Hunter and Nicola. First I’d like to blame this post on Kate, as I decided to make it after I tried to articulate why Hunter being written off TCY makes me so angry in a huge comment under her latest OTK post but it ended up being too big and messy so I deleted it. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone elaborate on it, so if you were also mad about this, bro, not to be intense, but like, are we soulmates or...??

Before anything else, as I usually do with my text posts (which I haven’t done in a while, opsies), I shall provide you with arguably unnecessary context. Sit down, grab yourself some snacks, make yourself at home, I’m about to rant you into oblivion.

Since I know many accounts weren’t around back then, I’ll also give you the socio-political vibes of the time period, as any self-respecting half-baked essay written last minute should.

POV, you’re 14/15 year-old me. You flat iron your hair, you don’t use sunscreen, you think you’re straight and your school makes you wear those horrid low rise uniform pants, but at least you can somewhat do your make-up decently now that you grew out of your emo phase.

The year was 2016. The Ever Never Handbook has just come out. You re-watch the handbook trailer on youtube for the fifteenth time. Everyone is losing their minds over OcTObeR 14tH and “a student named Agatha ~ now Agatha of Camelot~”, as well as the portraits and the teasing for a new SGE book. Quests For Glory is announced just a few days later. 2016 tagatha ship week happens a few months down the line. 

This is the SGE Tumblr Fandom Peak.

Now, let’s start right there, two-ish weeks after the release of the Handbook, right as the QFG announcement comes out.

We all knew Soman wasn’t done with SGE after TLEA. He definitely had been teasing something in his weekly blogs (lol, remember when I used to check the blog, what a time to be alive) and once we got the ENH, we got quite lot of info to theorize. Here’s some that I can think off the top of my head: 

- The coven was going on a mission to find a new School Master.

- Tedros and Agatha were struggling financially in Camelot but were going to get married soon (even if Sophie doubted Tedros would have asked Agatha yet, as of the time of the Ever Never RoundTable, but we’re taking that with a grain of salt, because she was written to sound jealous here, and I won’t acknowledge that kinda of bs, she is happy for her friends okay, we’ve been though this-)

- Sophie had completely remodeled the School For Evil and was getting on Dovey and the rest of the faculty’s nerves (except for newly hired history teacher, Hort).

- The rest of the supporting cast had just graduated third year and was to be off in quests soon.

- The School was now accepting applications, and two of those applicants are Nicola and Bogden.

Now, I’m not even gonna bring up how it was mentioned in a video in EverNeverTv that Bogden would be an important character in TCY, and yet, I can’t think of anything relevant about him other than the fact that he knew tarot apparently, or how his application had more personality than him in the entire series, or how he was basically there so we could look at him and Willam and be like “oh, representation”, or how he’d be a good insight on how Galvadon perceives Sophie and Agatha post-TLEA, or- I’m just not gonna.

Oh, no. Instead, we are here to discuss Nicola’s application.

If your memory is foggy, let me remind you:

Nicola’s application is submitted, according to the Handbook, by her friend, Hunter. For convenience sake, we’ll assume Hunter is a guy (I’ll tell you why Hunter being a guy works better for me in a bit), but his gender is not mentioned anywhere in the ENH. I don’t think he has been gendered in any version (correct me if I’m wrong) or if there are any pronouns for him during TCY, but I’m fairly confident he isn’t mentioned at all.

Hunter tells us he is applying on Nic’s behalf, as she’d never apply for herself. He mentions that she is more or less the Galvadon equivalent of an activist for women’s rights, founding a rugby unisex team and campaigning for pants instead of skirts for the local school uniform, as well as having a feminist sounding book as her favorite book. It’s heavily implied that she is a jock, as he lists that, if marooned on a desert island, Nicola would want to have a soccer ball, a hockey stick and a set of dumbbells (“and none of this 5-lb nonsense”) with her.

Upon asked why Nicola should go to the school, his answer is: “because there’s a greater place for her in the world, where she can learn a girl’s true worth, and I don’t think it’s here.”

Then you have a note from (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) the very late, long, long gone, absolutely dead, August Sader, telling the Deans to accept her application, despite having no reason to do so, as Nicola was to ���play a crucial role in it’s [the school’s] survival.” Dovey and Sophie agree to flip a coin to decide which school will take her, which Sophie must have lost, as Nicola is accepted into the School For Evil.

By now, I think we all agree that Nicola was done dirty. If you check my QFG re-read you’ll notice that I complained about her there. As I had to go though her introduction chapter again to make this post, let me tell you why: Nicola wasn’t written to be likeable.

She simply wasn’t. That’s the one conclusion I can draw. Whether that’s intentional or not, I can’t tell, but the backlash she received was fairly useful, as it meant Soman could write her off the main story without much backlash from his target audience (aka, not us, pesky pretentious older readers).

The Nicola I was introduced to, not only in the Handbook but on her trailer for QFG was not the girl on QFG. 

Nic is there to be the smart  girl™, and while I do appreciate having a character who is a bit cocky about their brains, it just doesn’t work well there. Because her bond to other characters and the way she earns their respect feels so weak, she just comes across as pretentious. Characters like Hester and Agatha, who are supposed to be smart, feel dumbed down to show us how clever Nicola is. Agatha is supposed to be the resourceful thinker and Hester wanted to be class captain, you bet she studied like crazy, she probs knows every fairytale in existence. 

Then you add that to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Nicola and Hort fiasco and Nic feels like a weirdly written OC insert.

Handbook!Nicola sounded like a smart jock kind of character (read, more Gryffindor than Ravenclaw). Handbook!Nic was a Reader who read the tales as a hobby, but her favorite book is not a tale, it’s a non-fiction book (as far as I can tell). She might not be the fairytale expert, but she sounds like a practical thinker, as sport requires strategy, which is not Hester’s strong suit, given she is rather impulsive, or Agatha’s, given she is often unwilling to make hard decisions due to her Good nature and her own insecurities. C’mon, Handbook!Nic would have taken one look at Hort and sent him running to hills, because she would be able to smell his bs three miles away. She’s no one’s replacement, least of all Sophie’s (whom she probably would not have gotten along with (at least they got this part right) given Sophie’s “my prince will sweep me away from an ordinary life” phylosophy). To be honest she doesn’t sound like she’d be interested in dating at all.

But this post is about Hunter right? Let me remind you, Hunter is not mentioned in Nicola’s introduction, when she talks about her life in Galvadon. Canon!Nicola tells us that she has two brothers who want to inherit her father’s pub in order to sell the place, but Nicola is close with her father and likes working there to some extent, even if she has bigger ambitions. She believes her brothers sent her application as a way to get rid of her.

Back when I still had some faith that Soman had an arc for Nicola that included resolution, I had my theories as to why she wouldn’t mention Hunter: maybe he was to appear in later books and they’d have a huge backstory explaining their friendship, as well as a dramatic confession that Hunter sent her application because he felt Nicola deserved to live an adventure, and Nicola would either realize that she was meant for something more or that she wanted to live a quiet life, honestly either would be nice. I would have taken anything. Truly, if Nicola’s k-pop boyfriend in the OTK epilogue had been replaced with Hunter, I might be able to hate it less.

Especially if they came to the (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) school wedding as friends. Because you know what?

We are starved for male-female friendships in the SGE universe.

Tedros’s only female friends (all his friends in general) are Agatha’s friends (who all tried to get rid of him at some point, save for maybe Dot) and his actual friends are all dead (Bettina/Chaddick). Hort could be counted as Agatha’s friend, if only he didn’t bash her every five seconds like a moron (he literally pitched the idea that Agatha should be executed by Tedros in OTK, just because he was envious or her relationship with Sophie (not jealous, envious, because Sophie wasn’t his to begin with)) over his delusional sense entitlement of Sophie’s affections (which I hate, but as this is not a Hort-bashing post, I won’t get too much into), but the coven, Beatrix, Renna and co. would not touch him with a stick. Merlin’s friendship with Lady Of The Lake is gone, and Dovey is dead. Rhian and Kei both had that frenemies thing with Sophie in ACOT/beggining of OTK, but I think it was supposed to be romantic? It wasn’t ew (I hate Rhian but he’s also wasted potential, and so was Kei, whom I liked, rest in peace). Japeth hates women for??? Whatever. Willam and Bodgen are such background characters I could not care less about them. The new students weren’t memorable enough for me to remember their names. I think this about covers the main male cast.

There’s a lack of male friendships too, but we kinda have (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) Tort and whatever was that rushed Tedros/Chaddick friendship.  Rhian and Kei were gay friends (yeah, right, sure, very platonic). Tedros and Rhian could have been friends if Rhian redeemed himself, but otherwise no. Tedros and Filip… gay. Japeth literally killed Rhian, so also not very good friendship between brothers. Hort has no friends, because Ravan would so not be here for his bs. Willam and Bogden are a couple and (*rolls eyes* *suppresses a gag* *tears hair out*) so were Aric and Japeth, I guess.

Still don’t believe Hunter was wasted potential? Okay, let me tell you what my ideal Nicola arc would be, mixing Handbook!Nicola with some canon!Nicola and including Hunter.

- Nicola is the one inheriting the pub (once she gets married), despite Galvadon’s pre-TLEA sexism and conservative views, because she is her father’s only child and her brothers are actually her older half-siblings from her mother’s previous marriage.

- Her mom died at some point early in her childhood. Not a childbirth tho, because Callis, local witch gynecologist (have you checked my post on this yet? no? you should) was there for her, even if it was a high risk pregnancy because the mom was already older.

- Because of that, Nicola’s father actually sells bread to Callis for cheaper prizes, but don’t tell the elders, shhh

- Anyway, because her mom was gone so early, Nicola was raised by her dad, brothers and by the employees (mostly men, as I don’t think it was all that common for women to work jobs in Galvadon) of her father’s pub. Due to being a girl, most guys weren’t willing to befriend her (sexism, am I right), but because she was a tomboy she had difficulty bonding with the other girls at school, even when they weren’t outright hostile (cof cof Sophie). 

- Example: she and Belle had a tentative bond over their love of cooking, but often ran out of things to talk about and the conversation fell flat.

- Which is how she ends up befriending Hunter. 

- Hunter is the only boy in a family of many girls and his father works all day. He has a good heart and is rather emotional, but he always feels like he has something to prove, which leads him to being rather impulsive. Both Nicola and Hunter love sports and are very competitive people. Once Nicola gains his respect, he feels very protective of her and often feels the need to stand up for her, even if she doesn’t need it.

- Nicola knows Hunter feels overlooked in his family, so she is always inviting him over and taking care of him, keeping him out of trouble. Her father begins to see him as his own son, and soon he spends more time at Nicola’s house than at his own.

- Everyone thinks they’ll get married some day. His sisters tease him mercilessly about it, and so does Nic’s father, but frankly, Nic and Hunter see each other as family.

- You can bet Hunter is the one teaching Nic about periods after asking his sisters, so she wouldn’t have to suffer with Galvadon’s horrid Sex Ed. (go check the Callis headcanon’s okay, give me clout, that it my favorite post I’ve ever made)

- They tried to kiss once. Nicola vomited and Hunter gaged.

- Hunter is Nicola’s number one supporter and fan, 100% had those gender-equality pins she made for her campaigns all over his bags and jackets.

- Since most wedding matches are arranged by the elders before girls even graduate, it was settled that Nic and Hunter would get married to each other and then inherit the pub. It would of course, be a secretly platonic match and they would suspiciously have no children (Nicola even had a plan to visit Callis to get a potion for infertility, just in case the elders wanted to check on her... okay, I’ll stop).

- Hunter doesn’t tell her, but Nicola knows he wants to marry for love and have a family of his own. She tries to talk him out of marrying her, but he insists that he would be doing it out of love for her, even if not romantic, because Nic didn’t deserve to be matched up with some stranger she barely knows who would no doubt be less tolerant of her more radical views.

- She tells him it’d be fine for him to have a affairs then, but he insists he would never do that to her, because people would talk about Nic if that was the case and her reputation would be ruined.

- The night of Sophie and Agatha kidnapping Nicola tells him she would rather be taken to the School than to stay there and make him live an unhappy life.

- Hunter is horrified (remember, everyone thought going to the school was a fate worse than death) and makes her promise to never treat her life so fickly.

- Sophie and Agatha get taken, come back, but during Tedros’ reign of terror in Galvadon, right before they return to the Woods, Nicola’s father grows very very sick.

- Nic thinks he’s going to die, and she frets, not only because they’re close but also because she can’t inherit the place if she doesn’t marry Hunter. But, well, she sort of always knew, but now that feels very real, she thought she had some more time before that.

- They set a date for the wedding, but thankfully, Tedros and Agatha’s escape ends up causing the ceremony to be delayed.

- By the time the new date is set, there’s no more elders and Stefan is now mayor.

- But just because he is the mayor doesn’t mean the law and the sexism is gone overnight.

- Nic’s father is getting somewhat better, but she is still very worried about him, because of his old age.

- Once SGE starts having applications and has been proved to be, well, somewhat safe, Hunter suggests that Nicola applies, but after the scare that she might lose her father sooner rather than later, she tells him she can’t bring herself to leave him.

- Hunter doesn’t want her to throw her life away, specially now knowing that in the Endless Woods there were people like her and that progress would get there before it ever got to Galvadon 

- (He also wants to not marry someone he views as a sister, pls).

- So he files her application in secret.

- Nicola gets accepted, upon Sader’s request and Sophie’s bad luck, into the School For Evil. She and Sophie still don’t get along, the Evil castle rejects her and she gets pushed to Good, becoming an Ever, but she’s only staying until Christmas, because she is worried sick about her father.

- She thinks the application was a plot from her brothers because she doesnt think Hunter would ever betray her trust like that, after she specifically told him she wouldn't go.

- There’s no Hicola, instead, she and Hort become friends and she talks him out of his delusions with Sophie, because as much as Nicola dislikes her, Sophie was a girl too, and deserved to have her feelings respected. 

- She also punches Hort into giving up his envy of Tedros and Agatha while at it, because she is just that efficient.

- Everything else up to OTK can be pretty much the same because I can’t remember what happens, other than everytime Nicola is smart girl™, it’s not “because she reads”, but because she is practical. 

- Example: on the boat scene where she very pretentiously sasses Agatha for not saying hello to her (canon!Nicola, girl, she just suffered six months of loneliness at Camelot because Tedros shut her out and is now on a quest to save her happy ending, probs didn’t get much sleep, maybe cut her some slack) and then tells her how to sail a boat (despite the fact that there are no boats in Galvadon and I’m sure you can’t just read Peter Pan and learn to sail a boat, unless I did it wrong or something, maybe the storian version comes with a crash course). Here, instead, Nicola presses Hort (who is a pirate’s son) to remember literally anything to help them (therefore making him not completely useless on this quest), and he does and they tell Agatha and she’s like sure and does it.

- Now, in OTK, I literally can’t remember where Nicola was for most of it and I read that book not too long ago, so I’m worried. 

- Okay, so, have the Knights Of Eleven actually serve some purpose, include a scene where Tedros and Nicola stress-play rugby and get her some internal conflict.

- Nic now loves this world. She just spent the last few weeks fighting to protect it. She is now a Knight, and she loves the adventures and the new friends she made. Can she really go back to Gavaldon to take care of a pub? Well, she needs to, doesn’t she? That’s what a good daughter would do.

- After Japeth’s execution, Nic goes straight home.

- Her father’s condition is stable, as he is being treated by Hunter and his new wife.

- Oh boy, Hunter has some explaining to do.

- Nicola is furious that he broke her trust, but at the same time, she’s happy he’s happy and well, Hunter what do you have to say for yourself?

- “Damn, Nic, nice armour- ouch, my arm!”

- Apparently, since Nicola was taken, Stefan approved a law for people to be able to leave their inheritance to whomever they wanted. And since Nic was gonna be at the Woods, her father was more than happy to leave it to Hunter. Of course, unless Nicola wanted to stay at Gavaldon. 

- Does she? She’s not sure.

- Hunter and Nicola attend the tagatha wedding at Camelot (what, like I wasn’t gonna fix this part?), Hunter is Nic’s plus one.

- There, Hester, Anadil and Dot show her Sader’s note, and ask her, not to become School Master, but to become Dean Of Good, because she would be perfect for the new brand of Good to match Sophie’s Evil. You know, since she is all for gender-equality, good manners, practicality and was particularly good at dealing with Sophie’s bs.

- Since Tedros has the Storian Ring, the pen doesn’t need actual protection, well, not more than it can get from Nic and Sophie.

- Sophie herself insists that Nicola accept the position, not because she doesn’t want to be alone at the school now that Hort and Dovey are dead, no, of course not, since when did Sophie ever need anyone, she was just asking cause… cause Nicola looked lonely. The pretty boy who came with her was not her boyfriend, was he? Sophie was prettier than him anyway. Who needs a boy when they can have her?

- Whether they become a couple or not, I’ll let you decide.

- Bonus: years later, Hunter’s eldest daughter is accepted at the School for Good. Nicola is her godmother, and her favoritism shows.

There, if nothing else, the reason you should be mad about Hunter and the Handbook in general is because this didn’t happen.

[paramsiddharth]

#15: The Independence Day

However tempting the title may be at suggesting my life is at peace now, it painfully isn't. I don't want this to prevent me from glorifying the decades of freedom from colonization we have enjoyed, how much we have recovered from post-colonization trauma, and how we are more responsibly planning to evolve in future. Lots of love to my country. I love my dear Bihar, I love India. I am grateful to my parentland for everything it gave me, such as the beautiful cultural heritage and the opportunity to identify myself as a proud Indian. 🇮🇳 I give my heartfelt pranaam to my nation.

Why is it always such that I make a post, disappear for months (or years), and then make a sudden reappearance? I love writing. Why this discontinuity? I asked myself this question.

I realized it is because I am always too overwhelmed by my past and future to express my present without hurting myself. And don't expect me to mourn that; It is part of my situational awareness, learning from my experience, and practical preparedness and I'm not ashamed.

I'm not proud either, but there's little I can do to change the circumstances I'm put in. The very reason behind my continuous complaining and being a crybaby is because that's what has happened to me throughout my life, and continues to. There are plenty of people to blame, but definitely not me.

I will start talking about the time after the day I posted that Kharagpur blog, but I will move in a logarithmic fashion i. e. Increasing the amount of focus on the part closer to the plateau (present) rather than the cliff (past).

Do you use olive oil at home? Is it a common ingredient in most of the food that you have at home? I recently learnt an interesting truth about food oils. Mustard oil, olive oil, and refined oil are the 3 major oils used to cook. In my family everything is cooked in mustard oil. I used to watch recipe videos and wonder why the colour of the oil looked so different. Turns out they generally use olive oil.

Based on what mom told, mustard oil is much more fatty and considered not good for health, at least in comparison to olive oil. That being said, mustard oil comes for a lot cheaper than olive oil. So do we use less healthy oil to cook food for saving money? Yes. Are we the only ones? I really don't know.

As much as I don't want to, I pity myself. It's pathetic, but every time I pity myself, I assume it can't get worse. But it does. It very much does.

5-6 days ago, my parents had a very violent fight. I was there to get them to settle, and since my classes were not going on, I could give more time to home. Despite my struggle to get both my parents to be peaceful, they kept saying things to each-other for half the night, and kept hurting themselves, mentally and physically. I was there to help them, but they weren't welcoming to any support. And I understand why. They must feel like they are put into a position where they can't express themselves to anyone, and that nobody can feel what they are going through.

Folks and friends tell me not to get in between when they fight. I wouldn't… If only it remained verbal. But it gets worse. It gets physical, in a manner that they end up hurting their internal and external biologies causing more than just short-term damage. I barely manage to save the day everytime… Because I love them. I don't want to listen to my friends. My parents are my everything. Losing one of them means losing half of my life's purpose. I'm nothing without them, no matter how they are.

And I managed to calm them down. 3 days ago, we woke up to a news that wasn't initially so devastating: The water motor wasn't working. It had been a common problem, I easily assumed it will be fixed soon. We got it checked, had some analysis done, some parts bought. By evening, it was still being worked on, and that made the situation tense. The day ended with the news that the plumbers will come the next day and attempt a better fix, something they referred to as "slizing" (I think it supposed to be slicing). I didn't eat much that day, for reasons. Others ate less too.

So we got the "slizer" expert the next day. The whole day was going to be a wasted struggle again, and what happened at home made it far worse. The lack of food, hydration, and sanitation made our patience and moods worse. My parents had an argument, and once the light was sparked, it ended up being probably the worst fight they have ever had in the whole lifetime. One where they almost hit each-other. I came in between as a shield and got beaten up instead, gladly so. But will I always be able to get in between?

The situational dilemma hit me harder than the physical strokes. I was pulled down deep into the realization of how traumatizing the past 5 years have been for my parents. From being loving, caring, and supportive, they've become beasts. They have turned into people with no emotional control, and mood-swing patterns that encourages self-harm exclusive to interpersonal fights between those two.

As much as they fight, scream, misbehave, and misunderstand each-other while arguing, they are the only 2 adults I could ever rely on. The rest of my ostensible family has been far more hostile to us, in a much more heart-penetrating way than physically. Who else can I look up to? And even if I had anybody else to look up to, my parents are the 2 people I will never let go of. It is my life's purpose to see them happy, and I won't let anything go wrong before that happens.

Their hatred for each-other while fighting is no longer silenced by their want to live, and their heart no longer melts by the thought of their kids' happiness. They aren't able to think straight during a fight. What would a person in this condition be advised to do? Take therapy, I suppose. We can't afford that. Will the one who advises us pay for our therapy? I'm sure not.

Money is the one big thing in our life that's our biggest joy and harshest pain at the same time. If we had more money, none of our current problems in life would remain relevant. We will be able to cure everything, including our financial instability and mental illnesses. We will be off to a happy life, constantly evolving. If only we had more money. If only…

Let me slap myself out of this dream. It isn't here yet. A minimum of 2 years before I even get on my feet are to be borne with patience and… Struggle. No, my parents have to remain together, no matter what. The hardwork they did for their whole life, won't lose meaning so easily. We're close, and we will make it. I will get a good job and change everything. I will be able to fix us. I will do it… Won't I?

I wasn't able to cry, because I hadn't had water for 50+ hours. My parents eventually lost energy and got diverted by updates from the plumbers and the expert. It failed. They didn't even attempt the "slizing" part. Maybe next day.

Day 3. No eating, drinking, peeing, or excreting. We felt like lifeless blobs, and it was harder for us to make it through, considering my mom has an OCD. Although we were convinced that the service folks were fixing the water issue, we also knew the kind of people we have in Muzaffarpur. They were using our helplessness as a measure to maximize visible worktime and increase the payment. The only thing they were aiming for is profit. No sense of wanting to provide quality service, no concern for our degrading health, nothing. They were just extending and pulling out days from our lifeless schedule.

On day 3, we slightly hinted that this would be the last day we let them work. We ensured them that if they don't fix it by the end of the day, instead of wasting more money into something that isn't even working, we will urgently invest into getting a submersible pump installed, the ultimate answer to all water problems in the poverty-stricken lands of India.

God knows how, by the end of the day, water started coming. We were not relieved, especially I. Not instantly. I waited for the next morning, and then, was a little calmed. After having the payment report (just because I make it sound professional doesn't mean it was, it was an informal description of how much we have to pay and a disambiguation telling why), we realized the fixing cost us over ₹22,000. That's a lot of money for a sudden life problem. And then the motor stopped working again in the evening, whereafter we asked them to have a look again. A quickfix and it started working after adding some water in the pipe.

We are firm that the next step is to get a submersible pump, but even if we put aside the financial challenge for a moment, this season isn't the best one to get it installed. In fact, that should be our last resort, if all options are exhausted, like it would have been if day 3 ended in a disappointment too. But now we have some time to think, plan, and gather money. ₹80,000 isn't a small amount (that's to start, you know it's always more than it seems).

It was the independence day. Wow, what a beautiful day. An independent country, where there are lakhs of smiles of people happy and proud of their country. And lakhs of neutrally frowned faces who don't even know what a country is. All they know is food, water, shelter, and survival. I felt them, I can tell. It must be worse. I wish we had a little more independence too. A stable financial life, my mom's OCD cured, feels like a lovely eye-tearing dream.

Hahaha… I don't know why I'm crying. Is it because of the trauma of 3 painful days? Is it the fear of my parents getting into a fight again? Is it the painful possibility that I might not get a good job because of my not-so good college or my own ineligibility? Or is it just me, a 19 year-old who doesn't even know what to do with his life and is struggling to survive mentally, physically, biologically, academically, and socially?

For those 3 days, I was in a state of suffering. Since I didn't eat much, I didn't need to use the bathroom, but I would have loved to. I would have loved to satisfy my dry throat with some water. Having not drunk or eaten in days had fatigued me. If you want a feel of how long it had been, here's a day 3 picture of an initially dark yellow arhar dal cooked on day 1:

Still, I was receiving phone calls.

Them: Hey Param! What's up? Can you help me with this thing?

Me: Hi, I'm sorry, I can't… I'm kind of in a problem… ...(trying to explain my situation).

Them: That stinks! Sorry about that, dude. Take care. Oh, by the way, can you help me out with this quickly? I really need to do this.

This makes me realize how awfully tooled I have always let myself be. If it was a regular day, I would have probably let go of my busy time and helped them out, but I was in pain. I was enraged. Very angered by their stubbornness and lack of concern for my happiness, when I have always been the one who was there for them. I hung up and left my phone. I didn't feel like touching it anymore. Life felt obsolete.

Evening, day 4, we were preparing for dad's birthday next day. Planning a surprise, we ordered a cake for him by collecting some money. We were very excited. Little did we know our happiness was about to be shattered… That's when the water had stopped working again. We know it got fixed later, but the intensity of the trauma in the moment embedded itself deeply into our hearts, and despite the want to be excited, we weren't very relieved after the news that it was working again. We were constantly afraid it will stop working again.

We desperately tried to stay happy and celebrate his birthday. 12 AM, August 16, we sang happy birthday. Crying on the inside and smiling on the outside, we made ourselves believe that we ought to be happy for survival. The desperation was visible on our faces. Here are some pictures:

Now that I'm out of it (pray, the water works fine), I still don't feel so good about it. I want to hug my parents and stay in their arms forever. I want to see them smiling and keep talking to them forever. I want to be able to forget my pain and begin a happy life with my parents someday. Other people won't help me achieve that, I will.

I attempted to get myself a job offer at some good companies, and the recruiters would admit that I'm worthy and eligible and all, but then conclude, "…but our company generally gives only on-campus opportunities.". I get it. I'm not in an IIT. Not privileged enough to be allowed to compete with those IITians I'm far better than. I'll not have a chance, because they'll never come for on-campus opportunities to my college. Bless the IITs, for they've now stolen a hundred options of success from me despite my hardwork.

It is the interview season. I recently had a huge spam of texts and phonecalls by my seniors, asking, requesting, and even threatening me to help them with their online coding entrances. I clarified that I find it ethically wrong, but they continued to mentally disturb me by saying stuff that they, as my elders, shouldn't. I made a post on LinkedIn regarding that. I was so mentally tortured I couldn't take it anymore. And guess what? The responses were equally surprising and hostile.

A good number of people supported. By "supported", I don't mean "liked the post". Anybody would do that for free. Rather, some people appreciated my bravery and told me I did the right thing. On the other hand, some others simply scolded and criticized me brutally for the defamation of JUET, the possibility of JUET being blacklisted by recruiters, and making LinkedIn an unprofessional platform with my plea. What value I hath wrought from years of hardwork didn't seem to be anything to them. Shame on them for looking down on someone they should have been supportive to. And all those cowards who enjoy the perks of the flattery of such devil elders, may they suffer the consequences. Ahh!

Life is so stupid. Why am I working so hard? Whom for? Hello? Is anybody ever going to acknowledge me? Am I ever going to get any appreciation? EVER? Why me? Why? 😭

The question is on me. I've come far enough to understand how this universe works to a much better extent than before. Will I be able to plan my future strategically and always do what's right for me and my family? I hope I do. I hope I don't disappoint the one person who is always there to support me: Myself.

I had once felt like I saw God, but suddenly there was no God. I looked around. Nothing. I was alone. All by myself. Nobody was there to help me achieve my dreams. I suddenly felt this urge to be so grateful for what I have, and not assume that this is the worst it can get. It could get worse, and there's a lot I can get out of my present rather than worrying about my future. And you, dear reader, ought to be grateful for what you have, too.

I sincerely take my leave now. ❤️

Lots of love,

Param Siddharth.

[dashboardcat]

I Try One of Everything at Salt City Market (Part 2)

Remember like 3 weeks ago when I did a write-up of a food hall in my hometown, guaranteed to attract the attention of like, 2 people?  Well, it’s time for more of that! 

Attempt #1

While there wasn’t a line outside this time, the market itself seemed just as busy as it was the day after the grand opening.  I also tried to make a point to take in more of the decor, but I don’t think I really have anything new to add other than the fact that I watched not one but two people struggle to stuff the big paper bags their food came in into the trendy, tiny-opening trash cans.  More importantly, I forgot that like, half of the stands are closed on Mondays, meaning I would have to come back another time to finish my quest. 

ERMA’S ISLAND- Jerk Pork (half portion)- $10

I want to say right off the bat that of all the things I’ve tried from this market, this was hands down the best smelling.  And thankfully, the pork pretty much tasted as good as it smelled.  It was tender and juicy, and the sauce was complex, with a good amount of heat that didn’t overpower the other flavors.  The rice and beans that it came with, on the other hand, was a little bland, but that’s nothing that mixing the sauce into can’t fix.  

Unfortunately, I can never show my face there again, because when the cashier asked me if I wanted the half or whole portion, I said “Yeah,” and made her repeat herself like 3 times.

MAMMA HAI- “Marco Polo” Banh Mi- $10

Yes, that’s pepperoni on a banh mi.

The roll was nice and crusty, and to be honest, that’s like 90% of what makes a good sandwich for me.  Unfortunately, the pickled veggies and cilantro (and this blog is pro-cilantro, get over yourselves, haters) sort of overpowered the pepperoni and the char siu pork, which is a shame because I wanted that pepperoni to shine.  If this was a $5 banh mi, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but at $10 I would have liked a little more meat, or at least for the already existing meat to make its presence felt.  The pate and mayo kinda also get lost, but do present a bit of richness in about every other bite (and, for another controversial sandwich opinion, I don’t necessarily think that every bite of a sandwich has to have an even distribution of everything, otherwise the flavors sort of just blur together after a while).  Overall, it’s a fairly decent sandwich, but left me longing for something more.  They also have a curry chicken banh mi, maybe that one has a better balance of flavor.

CAKE BAR- Locus Cake- $6.50

One thing about Cake Bar that isn’t made apparent by looking at their stand is that, according to their website, it’s meant to resemble a Vietnamese cafe.  In hindsight, this kinda explains the wide variety of specialty teas (specialteas, if you will) they also had available.

The chocolate cake was moist and had little crispy bits running throughout it.  At first, I thought it was eggshells, because I’m an idiot and always assume the worst.  After picking out an especially large chunk, I realized it was broken up bits of Biscoff cookies! (Further research has shown me that the parent company that makes Biscoff cookies is called Locus, thus, y’know, the name of the cake.  Probably should have put that together sooner, it literally says “Locus” on the cookie, one of which was lodged into the top of the cake.)  The buttercream was surprisingly light, and the caramel on top had the perfect consistency, gooey enough to stay put but not so gooey that it turned into a stringy mess after running your fork through it.  The only negative thing I really have to say about the all-around experience was that the box they used made it kind of difficult to get the slice out of it (as you can see, I ended up just tearing the sides up).

Attempt #2 

Since the market is relatively close to my work, I figured I would drop by after work one day to bang out the rest of the list.

BAGHDAD RESTAURANT- Beef Shawarma- $6.99

At first, I laughed to myself upon seeing it in one of those gas station sub bags.  The laughing faded pretty quickly, though, upon seeing it was, in fact served on a sub roll. I'm not a shawarma expert. maybe that can be an acceptable way to eat it? The beef was well spiced and that perfect sweet spot between tender and still having something to sink your teeth into.  Unfortunately, that’s more or less where my compliments end.  What little sauce the menu promised (just called “sauce,” don’t ask me what it is) has soaked into the bread and completely disappeared, making the whole thing somewhat dry and lackluster.  Also, they didn’t cut it, which was fine with the heartier banh mi’s baguette but with the softer sub roll didn’t have the structural integrity to be picked up whole without a struggle.  My biggest gripe with it is mostly on me, though, as the juice from the pickles tainted most of it with pickle stank, which could have been avoided entirely if I had just ordered it without.  

SOULUTIONS- Mustard and Berbere Fried Chicken ($6) and FIRE MAC ($4)

(Note- the $6 order of chicken comes with 2 of these chicken cutlets, but I carelessly ate one before taking the picture.)

I do want to clear the air here and say that yes, I did accidentally order fried chicken and mac and cheese from both of the soul food places.  I was originally going to get the burger, at my friend’s recommendation, but the menu board by the register suspiciously didn’t have the burger on it, so I panicked and ordered the fried chicken again.  

While the breading was stained yellow from mustard, the honey mustard taste was very subtle.  I also have to admit to not knowing off the top of my head what berbere (I had to google it, it’s an Ethiopian spice blend) tastes like, so i can't tell you if this tasted like that.  But, despite not being especially strong in either of the namesake seasonings, it definitely is a flavorful piece of chicken nonetheless.  Flavors work that way sometimes.

The Fire Mac may not have delivered as strongly on cheese as I may have liked, but it definitely did deliver on the fire, drizzled with a tangy buffalo-esque sauce.  And Topped with crumbled bits of fried chicken skins? Can’t go wrong with that.

JUICE AND FLOWERS- “Root | 12” Juice- $8

Misleading name, I didn’t see any flowers anywhere.  Zero stars. 

The beet and lemon were the most pronounced of the flavors, with the ginger lingering on the palate and, unsurprisingly, the apple and carrot mostly being there to round the whole thing out.  The employee that waited on me was very passionate and knowledgeable about the juice, informing me that 2 pounds of produce had gone into this little bottle, and that it’d have a shelf life of 3-5 days.  Which is good, because I put it back in the fridge after I got home to chill it back down, and then proceeded to forget about it for 3 days.  It’s also a very thick and hearty juice, so it doesn’t feel that weird to only want to drink half a bottle in one sitting and, y’know, make this $8 bottle of juice last a little longer. 

Attempt #3

Knowing fully well that I was going to have a long night shift ahead of me, I decided to check out the Coffee Bar side of the market for what would be my third trip over the course of 5 days.  I feel like I should also point out that the Coffee Bar, as its name literally breaks down as, serves coffee during the day and a full bar at night.  I also noticed during this visit that the Coffee Bar has a patio seating area under construction, cheesy string lights and all, that I am looking forward to.

Fruity Pebbles Latte- $6

Against my best judgement, I got it “for here” for the sake of the pic, even though a.) I had to break my rule of not eating in places because this fucking pandemic isn’t over yet and b.) I was nervous about being late for work the whole time (I did, in fact, get there on time).  As I waited, I could see their secret recipe fruity pebbles milk sitting on the counter.  It was, in fact, fruity pebbles and milk.  

I didn’t really think the Fruity Pebbles would work with the espresso, having had been burned before by places that just dump them onto things with no regard of the flavor profile just for the sake of the burst of color.  But, somehow… it did work.  Maybe it’s because cereal milk is never quite as strong as some might hope, but the subtle fruitiness of the milk played well with the chocolatey notes in the espresso.  The espresso itself probably also had the best crema on it that I’ve ever seen on a latte (and yes, I had to google the pretentious espresso-snob term for the foam that floats to the top).

Also shoutout to the pour over, which on their menu board is priced at "4-ish"

I’m so glad I’m living with my parents again at the moment.  Otherwise, this whole thing would’ve been like, a month’s worth of my food budget.

[mxenigmatic]

2020’s Self Care Books for Trying Times

With Covid-19 a global pandemic that is still lingering in the air, and keeping our connections at a social distance, added how here at NYPL our librarians miss the frequent interactions with our patrons, I was contemplating on ways to keep our reading connected, our souls warm, and our health having its self care. Before google, I’d rely on the plethora of information our branches hold on any challenge in life I’d be facing. Now with a myriad of problems we can tackle, and resources we can all use to improve our lives, I wanted to tackle grounding and elevating ourselves to cope with our surroundings, than advice I can provide on financial, relationship, life goals, etc.

In this blog “2020’s Self Care Books 4 Trying Times” I’ve comprised my 20 favorite titles for the year 2020 on wellness, people’s journeys, and how health experts can help guide us to a calm and vibrant place for our wellbeing. From parenting tips, to self acceptance, coping with a mental health disorder, or even self care rituals, the need for healthy habits is a topic we all can relate and rely on to keep us striving through this winter, and being united through our current unstable climate. We should never be ashamed of our experiences, asking for help, and addressing challenges in our lives to be at peace with our pasts, content with our present, and hopeful about our futures.

What is Self-care, according to very well mind, describes a conscious act one takes in order to promote their own physical, mental, and emotional health. There are many forms self-care may take. It could be ensuring you get enough sleep every night or stepping outside for a few minutes for some fresh air.

What is mindfulness? Mindfulness refers to being in the moment. This means feeling what our bodies feel, letting ourselves think without judging our thoughts, and being aware of our environment. It is about paying attention on purpose to both what is happening inside and outside of you.

ADULT

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

Topics: Professional Development, Success, Psych Evaluation

One of the most inspiring and impactful books ever written, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has captivated readers for nearly three decades. It has transformed the lives of presidents and CEOs, educators and parents—millions of people of all ages and occupations. Now, this 30th anniversary edition of the timeless classic commemorates the wisdom of the 7 habits with modern additions from Sean Covey. The 7 habits have become famous and are integrated into everyday thinking by millions and millions of people. Why? Because they work!With Sean Covey's added takeaways on how the habits can be used in our modern age, the wisdom of the 7 habits will be refreshed for a new generation of leaders.

Stay Positive: Encouraging Quotes and Messages to Fuel Your Life With Positive Energy by Jon Gordon

Topics: Self Help, Affirmations, Optimism

Stay Positive is more than a phrase. It's an approach to life that says when you get knocked down, you'll get back up and find a way forward one faithful step and optimistic day at a time. Start your day with a message from the book, or pick it up anytime you need a mental boost. You can start from the beginning, or open the book to any page and find a message that speaks to you. The book is a go-to resource for anyone wanting to inject a healthy dose of positivity into their life

$9 Therapy: Semi-Capitalist Solutions to Your Emotional Problems by Megan Reid and Nick Greene

Topics: Life Skills/Hacks, Self Care Rituals, Budgeting

A collection of the authors' favorite life hacks and mini-upgrades, such as craft cocktails on the cheap or tips for a perfectly planned staycation. Sometimes it takes as little as nine dollars to turn your life around. How to find simple pleasures in a pricey, wellness-obsessed world.

You Were Born For This: Astrology for Radical Self-Acceptance by Chani Nicholas

Topics: Astrology, Self Acceptance

A revolutionary empowerment book that uses astrology as a tool for self-discovery, success, and self-care from the beloved astrologer Chani Nicholas, a media darling with a loyal following of one million monthly readers.

TEEN

Teaching Mindfulness to Empower Adolescents by Matthew Brensilver

Topics: Mindfulness, Educational Guides, Learning Disabilities, Reflections

Effectively sharing mindfulness with teenagers depends on distinct skill sets . . . done well, it is incredibly joyous." Matthew Brensilver, JoAnna Hardy and Oren Jay Sofer provide a powerful guide to help teachers master the essential competencies needed to successfully share mindfulness practices with teens and adolescents. Incorporating anecdotes from actual teaching, they blend the latest scientific research with innovative, original techniques for making the practices accessible and interesting to this age group. This text is an indispensable handbook for mindfulness instruction in its own right, and a robust companion volume for teachers using The Mindful Schools Curriculum for Adolescents

The Self-Love Revolution: Radical Body Positivity for Girls of Color by Virgie Tovar

Topics: Self Esteem, Plus Size Positivity, Hygiene

Every day we see body ideals depicted in movies, magazines, and social media. And, all too often, these outdated standards make us feel like we need to change how we look and who we are. The truth is that many teens feel self-conscious about their bodies and being a teen girl of color is hard in unique ways. So, how can you start feeling good about yourself when you're surrounded by these unrealistic, and problematic images of what bodies are "supposed" to look like? This book is an unapologetic guide to help you embrace radical body positivity. You'll identify and challenge mainstream beliefs about beauty and bodies; celebrate what makes you unique and powerful; and build real, lasting body empowerment. You'll also learn how to spot diet culture and smash your noisy inner critic so you can start loving your body. It's time to create your own definition of beautiful and recognize that your body is amazing. It's time for a self-love revolution!

Out!: How To Be Your Authentic Self by Miles McKenna

Topics: Coming Out, Self Acceptance, Family Dynamics

Activist Miles McKenna came out on his YouTube channel in 2017, documenting his transition to help other teens navigate their identities and take charge of their own coming out stories. From that wisdom comes Out!, the ultimate YA guide to the queer lifestyle. Find validation, inspiration, and support for your questions big and small--whether you're exploring your identity or seeking to understand the experience of an awesome queer person in your life."

Dancing at the Pity Party: A Dead Mom Graphic Memoir by Tyler Feder

Topics: Grief Counseling, Coping with terminal illness, Bereavement. Family Estrangement

Tyler Feder shares her story of her mother's first oncology appointment to facing reality as a motherless daughter in this frank and refreshingly funny graphic memoir.

Superpowered: Transform Anxiety Into Courage, Confidence, and Resilience by Renee Jain and Dr. Shefali Tsabary

Topics: Health, Fitness, Selt Esteem.

The perfect tool for children facing new social and emotional challenges in an increasingly disconnected world! This how-to book from two psychology experts—packed with fun graphics and quizzes—will help kids transform stress, worry, and anxiety

Teen Guide to Mental Health by Don Nardo

Topics: Teens, Mental Health, Body Image, Puberty

Todays teens face and are expected to deal with a wide array of personal, social, and other issues involving home-life, school, dating, body image, sexual orientation, major life transitions, and in some cases physical and mental problems, including eating disorders and depression. This volume examines how many teens have learned to cope with and survive these often stressful trials and tribulations of modern youth.

KIDS

Turtle Boy by Evan Wolkenstein

Topics: Social Life, Friends, Relationships, School Stress

Seventh grade is not going well for Will Levine. Kids at school bully him because of his funny-looking chin. His science teacher finds out about the turtles he spent his summer collecting from the marsh behind school an orders him to release them back into the wild. And for his Bar Mitzvah community service project, he has to go to the hospital to visit RJ, an older boy struggling with an incurable disease. Unfortunately, Will hates hospitals. At first, the boys don't get along, but then RJ shares his bucket list with Will. Among the things he wants to do: ride a roller coaster, go to a concert and a school dance, swim in the ocean. To Will, happiness is hanging out in his room, alone, preferably with his turtles. But as RJ's disease worsens, Will realizes he needs to tackle the bucket list on his new friend's behalf before it's too late. It seems like an impossible mission, way outside Will's comfort zone. But as he completes each task with RJ's guidance, Will learns that life is too short to live in a shell.

How To Make A Better World: For Every Kid Who Wants To Make A Difference by Keilly Swift

Topics: Activism, Human Rights, Organizing

If you are a kid with big dreams and a passion for what is right, you're a world-changer in the making. There's a lot that can be changed by just one person, if you know what to do. Start by making yourself into the awesome person you want to be by learning all about self-care and kindness. Using those skills, work your way up to creating activist campaigns to tackle climate change or social injustice. This fun and inspiring guide to making the world a better place and becoming a good citizen is packed with ideas and tips for kids who want to know how to make a difference. From ideas as small as creating a neighborhood lending library to important ideas such as public speaking and how to talk about politics, How to Make a Better World is a practical guide to activism for awesome kids.

All About Anxiety by Carrie Lewis

Anxiety. It's an emotion that rears its head almost every day, from the normal worries and concerns that most of us experience, to outright fear when something scary happens, to the anxiety disorders, that many kids live with daily. But what causes anxiety? And what can we do about it? All About Anxiety tackles these questions from every possible angle. Readers will learn what's going on in their brain and central nervous system when they feel anxious. They'll learn about the evolutionary reasons for fear and anxiety and that anxiety isn't always a bad thing--except for when it is! Most importantly, kids will discover new strategies to manage their anxiety so they can live and thrive with anxiety

Dictionary for a better world: poems, quotes, and anecdotes from A to Z by Irene Latham

Topics: Inspiration, Self Help, Advice

Organized as a dictionary, entries in this book for middle-grade readers present words related to creating a better, more inclusive world. Each word is explored via a poem, a quote from an inspiring person, and a short personal anecdote from one of the co-authors, a prompt for how to translate the word into action, and an illustration".

I feel... meh by DJ Corchin

(E-book)Topics: Health, Fitness, Management

This series helps kids recognize, express, and deal with the roller coaster of emotions they feel every day. It has been celebrated by therapists, psychologists, teachers, and parents as wonderful tools to help children develop self-awareness for their feelings and those of their friends. Sometimes I feel meh and I don't want to play. I don't want to read and I have nothing to say. Sometimes you just feel...meh. You don't really feel like doing anything or talking to anyone. You're not even sure how you're feeling inside. Is that bad? With fun, witty illustrations and simple, straightforward text, I Feel...Meh tackles apathy—recognizing it as a valid emotion, while also offering practical steps to get you out of your emotional slump. It's the perfect way for kids—and adults—who are feeling gray to find some joy again!

Violet Shrink by Christine Baldacchino

Topics: Phobias, Relationships, Social Skills

Violet Shrink doesn't like parties. Or bashes, or gatherings. Lots of people and lots of noise make Violet's tummy ache and her hands sweat. She would much rather spend time on her own, watching the birds in her backyard, reading comics, or listening to music through her purple headphones. The problem is that the whole Shrink family loves parties with loud music and games and dancing. At cousin Char's birthday party, Violet hides under a table and imagines she is a shark gliding effortlessly through the water, looking for food. And at Auntie Marlene and Uncle Leli's anniversary bash, Violet sits alone at the top of the stairs, imagining she is a slithering snake way up in the branches. When Violet learns that the Shrink family reunion is fast approaching, she musters up the courage to have a talk with her dad. In this thoughtful story about understanding and acceptance, Violet's natural introversion and feelings of social anxiety are normalized when she and her father reach a solution together. Christine Baldacchino's warm text demonstrates the role imagination often plays for children dealing with anxiety, and the power of a child expressing their feelings to a parent who is there to listen. Carmen Mok's charming illustrations perfectly capture Violet's emotions and the vibrancy of her imagination. A valuable contribution to books addressing mental health."-- Provided by publisher.

Check out this link to a presentation by NYPL’s Children’s Librarians, Sarah West and Justine Toussaint on Mindfulness/Social-Emotional Self-Esteem Picture Book Spotlight. Featuring popular book titles in our database of the past few years promoting kids well beings!

Pre-2020 Books

Aphorism by Franz Kafka

Topics: Life Quotes, Recovery, Future Planning

For the first time, a single volume that collects all of the aphorisms penned by this universally acclaimed twentieth-century literary figure. Kafka twice wrote aphorisms in his lifetime. The first effort was a series of 109, known as the Zurau Aphorisms, which were written between September 1917 and April 1918, and originally published posthumously by his friend, Max Brod, in 1931. These aphorisms reflect on metaphysical and theological issues--as well as the occasional dog. The second sequence of aphorisms, numbering 41, appears in Kafka's 1920 diary dating from January 6 to February 29. It is in these aphorisms, whose subject is "He," where Kafka distills the unexpected nature of experience as one shaped by exigency and possibility."

This Book Loves You by PewDiePie

Topics: Life Skills, Inspiration, Food 4 Thought

A popular blogger shares humorous pieces of advice and positivity, including "Never forget you are beautiful compared to a fish" and "Every day is a new fresh start to stay in bed."

The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck: A Counterintuitive Approach To Living A Good Life by Mark Manson

Topic: Self Help, Happiness, Motivation

In this generation-defining self-help guide, a superstar blogger shows us that the key to being happier is to stop trying to be 'positive' all the time and instead become better at handling adversity. For decades we've been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. But those days are over. 'Fuck positivity, ' Mark Manson says. 'Let's be honest; sometimes things are fucked up and we have to live with it.' For the past few years, Manson--via his wildly popular blog--has been working on correcting our delusional expectations for ourselves and for the world. He now brings his hard-fought wisdom to this groundbreaking book. Manson makes the argument--backed both by academic research and well-timed poop jokes--that improving our lives hinges not on our ability to turn lemons into lemonade, but on learning to better stomach lemons. Human beings are flawed and limited--as he writes, 'Not everybody can be extraordinary, there are winners and losers in society, and some of it is not fair or your fault.' Manson advises us to get to know our limitations and accept them. This, he says, is the real source of empowerment. Once we embrace our fears, faults, and uncertainties--once we stop running from and avoiding, and start confronting painful truths--we can begin to find the courage and confidence we desperately seek. 'In life, we have a limited amount of fucks to give. So you must choose your fucks wisely.' Manson brings a much-needed grab-you-by-the-shoulders moment of real-talk, filled with entertaining stories and profane, ruthless humor. This manifesto is a refreshing slap in the face for all of us so we can start to lead more contented, grounded lives."

Zen Pencils: Cartoon Quotes From Inspirational Folks by Gavin Aung Than

Topics: Writing Development, Expression, Quotes

Gavin Aung Than, an Australian graphic designer turned cartoonist, started the weekly Zen Pencils blog in February 2012. He describes his motivation for launching Zen Pencils: I was working in the boring corporate graphic design industry for eight years before finally quitting at the end of 2011 to pursue my passion for illustration and cartooning. At my old job, when my boss wasn't looking, I would waste time reading Wikipedia pages, main biographies about people whose lives were a lot more interesting than mine. Their stories and quotes eventually inspired me to leave my job to focus on what I really wanted to do. The idea of taking these inspiring quotes, combining them with my love of drawing, and sharing them with others led to the creation of Zen Pencils.

By: @Mx.Enigma

She/They/Queen

[jew-flexive]

Hi! Your post about Crowley being one of the most Jewish characters you've ever seen helped me so much to understand my "issues" with some points made in Good Omens and made me realise that those weren't really issues at all - they were just differences between Christian philosophy and Jewish philosophy which I hadn't known about (I'm Christian). Thank you so much for making me aware of it, changing my perspective and making me more open-minded to other points of view. I'm very grateful. (1/2)

That being said, I’d be very interested if you could shed a similar light on the crucifixion scene, especially the fact that it stated it was Crowley who tempted Jesus in the desert. I found this choice peculiar, but then again, I’ve read that in judaism there isn’t such an Ultimate Evil Person that satan is for christians. I’d really love to learn something more about it to gain some perspective, I hope you don’t mind. (2/2)

I do not mind! I love me some interfaith discourse– I’m actually from an intermarried family, so I have some pastors and priests in my family and let me tell you this shit? It’s my favorite thing. I’m so glad that you felt comfortable enough to reach out to me. This is one of the longest posts I’ve ever written, so bear with me.

(A note on my expertise: I am attending the Jewish Theological Seminary, the premier Jewish educational institution in the Western Hemisphere. Of the many courses I have taken since I started here, many have been in conjunction with Union Theological Seminary– a Christian seminary– and Columbia University. I am not going to call myself an expert by any means, but I am studying ancient Judaism and the development of Christianity for my degree and can be trusted enough to have a certain level of authority. Of course, if you see anything that needs correcting, please let me know! I’d love to learn from you.)

One of my biggest pet peeves in the whole world is the word “Judeo-Christian” because the Jewish tradition and the Christian tradition are fundamentally incompatible on a theological, methodological, philosophical, and messianic level. Christianity was founded with a supersessionist approach to the Brit, the Covenant, that Jews share with God– indeed, this mindset is the main reason that Paul’s Christianity had to break from the Jewish-Christianity that flourished in Jerusalem under James after Jesus’ death. Jewish thought is wildly different from Christian thought– we don’t value asceticism, we don’t believe that God can be corporal or Triune, we are a legalist tradition that explicitly says that blind faith is not enough, and, as you say, we have no “Big Bad.” Instead, Jews believe that every person has a Good/Selfless Inclination and an Evil/Selfish Inclination.* Christians believe in individual salvation from sin through receiving Jesus Christ as their God and savior**, while Jews believe in individual and collective participation in an eternal dialogue with God through tradition, rituals, prayers, and ethical actions. We also don’t have any unified afterlife narrative, but what we do believe is that Hell shouldn’t be a permanent punishment and that gentiles as well as Jews can reach whatever form of Heaven exists without having to believe in God. 

So, looking at those differences between our two faith traditions, I completely see how parts of Good Omens, especially the character of Crowley, might be alien to a Christian reader. He fits into a legalist tradition and actively rejects the Christian ideas of salvation and faith. 

So the crucifixion scene. I also found it interesting that it was Crowley that tempted Jesus***– honestly, I thought it was a narrative choice to emphasize the importance of Crowley within the story arc and the Ineffable Plan. But if I imagine there is a greater reason… I would argue that it was Crowley that tried to tempt Jesus away from his path because Crowley knows that Jesus is going to die and it won’t bring about the Messianic Age that Jesus had promised. In GO, we don’t have any sympathy for Satan– he’s wicked and rebelled knowingly, but Crowley we do sympathize with, since he just asked questions. 

If we read Crowley as somebody who sees all the casualties of the Ineffable Plan (i.e. the kids that couldn’t board Noah’s arc) as fundamentally unnecessary, then we can see his attempt to tempt Jesus as his way of trying to save a kind man from what Crowley sees as an abuse of power by God, who isn’t telling Jesus the full story. Jesus doesn’t bring the fabled Messianic Age, at least according to what that meant in ancient Israel. Now, many Christians understand the crucifixion of Jesus through an inaugurated eschatology– Jesus’ first death was the first stage of bringing about the Messianic Age which will be finally realized during the Second Coming, but back in the ancient times? It would have looked like Jesus had died for nothing, especially considering that Christianity initially did not see him as the literal son of God. 

Early Christian literature, most notably the Synoptic Gospels, started out understanding Jesus as a “Chosen One” whose Divine blessing was gifted to him when he reached adulthood not unlike the other great men of the Torah. It’s only with the Gospel of John and other contemporaneous works that we read of Jesus as Divine (“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” etc.) So, in the GO universe, perhaps Crowley tried to move Jesus away from the Ineffable Plan because he knew enough to think that his crucifixion would be meaningless, because Jesus was only understood then as a man.

Look, I could go on and on about Jewish and Christian theology and the way they play off of each other. If you want to hear more from me on the subject, drop me a line. Thank you again for reaching out and for being so open minded! I will say that if you really want to know what Jews think about anything, you’ll need to reach out to several Jews if you want a truly complete picture. Because we are a legalist tradition, many of us hold by different standards and principles as dictated by different schools of thought. For instance, Jesus held more with Beit (House) Shammai in the Sermon on the Mount when he discussed divorce but many of his most famous one-liners are directly attributed to Rabbi Hillel, the teacher of the other major proto-rabbinic power during the Second Temple period. So if you’re super interested in learning more, keep doing what you’re doing! I know that there are so many Jewish blogs on Tumblr that would be happy to answer any of your questions. Thank you again for reaching out! I hope this was helpful.

* Jews believe that the Good/Selfless Inclination and an Evil/Selfish Inclination are both equally necessary for living a good life. If you are too selfish, you are obviously not a good person, but if you are too selfless, then you aren’t able to provide for your family, improve your educational prowess, or take care of yourself. Both paths are unacceptable. 

** Many sects of Christianity also require good works to achieve salvation, most notably the Catholic Church, but the foundation of Christianity is centered around personal salvation via worshipping God and Jesus. 

*** Jews usually understand Jesus as one of the many freelance teachers that were roaming around ancient Israel at this time. Academics see him through a variety of lenses, but one that I find super interesting is the idea of Jesus as a political revolutionary sowing the seeds for the Bar Kokhba revolt. That’s a whole other conversation, but it’s one I’d love to share with anyone reading if they’re interested. 

[thecorteztwins]

Alt-Marauders update! It’s pretty much the Shinobi Feels edition, so tagging @esteicy-blog in case you wanna read your boy’s bits (it’s fine if not!) and @sammysdewysensitiveeyes and @littlemeangreen since you guys are regular readers! CONTENTS “Weakness” - Shinobi/Haven “Instinct” - Sebastian/Madelyne “Nature” - Sebastian/Haven “Saturn’s Children” - Shinobi/Alice

”WEAKNESS” They’d been captured, and placed in a power-dampening cell. They being Haven and Shinobi, the latter of whom was wounded, deep in his right side. Their captors had stabilized him---they wanted them alive for now, especially since they knew that letting Shinobi die just ensured he’d be revived on Krakoa with information that could defeat them---but given him nothing for the pain before tossing him back in the cell. Literally. He did not hit the floor. Haven’s arms caught him expertly and with strength that would have surprised him if he’d been thinking about anything but how much this hurt. Not the pain in his side---but the helplessness. Shinobi did not like being trapped. Shinobi did not like being at the mercy of others. It had bad memories. Perversely, Haven’s comforting presence made it worse. Because that was part of those same memories. His mother, holding him like she was, asking if he was alright, trying to soothe the pain away. He’d treasured her as a sanctuary then, but the fact was that it always came after the pain, and thus tied to it in his mind. That was the only reason he tried, feebly, to push Haven away, even when what he wanted was to sink into her, to curl up against her, to let her stroke his hair and whisper comforting assurances. He wanted that so bad but he also couldn’t, wouldn’t, be that weak little boy again who needed Mommy, who needed Mommy because Daddy had-- “Shinobi, Shinobi it’s me,” she said, “It’s Haven, Radha, it’s alright, you’re alright, I’m here, I’m right here.” She thought the reason for his weak thrashing, his trying to push himself away, was because he was confused, disoriented, thinking he was still in the hands of their enemies. But he was somewhere far worse---in the past. “I--I know,” he finally said as he got ahold of himself, “I’m fine.” He tried to push himself up on his arms. The pain was terrible for his body. But it’d be worse inside if he failed. If he was weak. He felt her gentle hands on him again, “Don’t try to move, Shinobi. You’re still hurt. They only stopped bleeding, but the wound is still--” “Don’t!” he barked, “Don’t---don’t---I’m not a child!” As much as Haven wanted to pull him to her, she was as respectful as she was compassionate. If someone was shouting at her not to touch them, she wasn’t going to; it would only do more harm than good. A comforting embrace could turn traumatic if forced, no matter how gentle, and Shinobi had been traumatized enough today. But she did not merely abandon the issue either. She looked at him with sympathetically scrutinizing eyes as he huffed and strained in his attempt to give every appearance of strength. This was...unusual. Shinobi was someone who craved attention, and though he desired more for it to be praise, she’d seen that he would settle for negative attention if nothing else would do, such as when Claudine and Madelyne waved him away in irritation at his amorous antics. He liked to show off, and was also...Haven was too kind to ever think of him as a coward, but when he realized there was real danger afoot, he tended to run. Which Haven could hardly blame him for, she was no combatant himself. He avoided pain. He sought attention. Yet now, when she was offering attention, he put himself in pain to refuse it. Something was amiss here. There was a piece of the puzzle that she was not seeing, a piece that would explain this. People were like puzzles, in their way---you could look at two pieces that seemed like they could never fit together in the same person, but that was only because you weren’t seeing the other pieces that linked them together. And while Haven tried not to think of other human beings as something to be solved, to be analyzed, to be worked out and put under a microscope---they were so much more than that, and deserving of dignity, of privacy, of keeping their hidden pieces to themselves if they so chose---she could not help SEEING these things when they came to light for her. She could not help the pieces connecting in her own mind. As these new pieces connected with pre-existing ones in her mind, the information coming together in a cohesive whole, integrating with what she already had known or at least suspected. “Shinobi,” she said very softly, but her voice seemed to echo to him, and it wasn’t because of their small cell. “Shinobi....by your father’s standards, I’m the weakest person he knows. He’s said as much. I believe you’ve heard him.” Shinobi turned to look at her, confused where this was going, and anxious at the mention of his father, the mere mention of the man when he was already in this pained, panicked state making his skin feel like it was tightening around him in anticipation of a blow. Where was she going with this. “So therefore, Shinobi, being as that is...it should be absolutely safe, should it not, to let yourself be weak around me?” She had not EXACTLY guessed what was going on. But she had gotten close. And Shinobi let himself collapse into her lap. *** "INSTINCT” “You know, I never asked you,” said Madelyne as they walked along the beach. It was nothing romantic, they were just on their way to the ship. “How’d you know it was me?” Sebastian looked at her oddly, and she clarified, “I mean when we first met. When Selene introduced me and I pulled down that drama queen cloak and there you see, the spitting image of---you know, her. I didn’t know it at the time, but you two had quite the past. How was SHE not your first thought?” “How do you know she was not?” Madelyne rolled her eyes, “You scoffed at me and called me an “unknown being”, you knew who I was---or at least who I WASN’T. If you’d thought I was Jean you would have---I don’t know but you wouldn’t say THAT.” “Perhaps I simply didn’t recognize the face without the Black Queen costume to go with it.” “Sebastian!” “You know that’s as liable an answer as any.” “You’re dodging the question.” Madelyne held out her arms to the sides, “Look, you’re basically the most morally bankrupt person I’ve ever met who wasn’t a literal demon—and I count Mr Sinister in that category—but you also gave me the kindness of individuality even BEFORE I started treating you as my personal bone machine. And I know the k-word doesn’t come easy to you Sebastian so what gives? More specifically, what did I give away that told you instantly who I WASNT?” There was a long pause. At last, Sebastian answered, and he didn’t sound sure in it at all, which was what let Madelyne know he was being honest. “I confess, spitfire, I really don’t know. Gut instinct, perhaps. “ “So Scott had no guts. Big surprise.” “Mr. Summers knew Ms. Grey in all her incarnations. I only ever knew your hated counterpart as the Black Queen, the Dark Phoenix. We never met when she was NOT that, NOT possessed by the Phoenix Force, not radiating with that strange cosmic energy.” Shaw did not know that the ‘Jean’ he had known had actually BEEN that cosmic energy and not Jean at all, nor did Madelyne, but that was besides the point. He continued, “I am no psychic---I did not have to be, to feel that power. It was more distinct than a face or form, and you lacked it. So much a difference did that make that I did NOT recognize face nor form without it. So if you are searching for some romantic reason concerning seeing your true self or some such sentimental claptr---” “No, that’s the thing, I KNOW it’s not that,” Madelyne cut him off sharply, insulted he’d think she’d ever be so deluded, “I know you didn’t love me. And I’m fine with that, I didn’t love you---did love your dick and money though. But that’s why it was crazy to me that the man who didn’t love me, saw more than the man who was supposed to.” “Well, I do hope that satisfied your curiosity,” Sebastian said, then smirked, “Now tell me again that first thing you loved about me?” Madelyne tried to push him into the water. *** “NATURE” “That’s how it is in nature, after all,” Sebastian finished, “Adversity builds strength. Look at the animals. Red in tooth and claw. Do you know what happens to the weak ones, Ms. Dastoor? They are devoured. As it should be.” “I don’t believe looking to animals as a model for our own behavior is a very good argument, Mr. Shaw,” said Haven, setting her teacup primly on her saucer, “After all, no animals wear clothing, and while I understand you find some articles...restrictive...it seems to be something you overall practice. Animals do not use boats either. Or teasets. Or currency.” “Fair enough. But simply because not EVERYTHING from the animal kingdom should be emulated, does not mean nothing should be.” “I do agree with that. I merely suspect we would differ on what should be.” “Quite correct. I think you can guess which I find most admirable. As I can guess your preferred models of behavior. Cows and dogs and such nursing their young, am I correct?” “You are, Mr. Shaw. But I think that my preferred models are actually just as conducive to your ideals of strength.” “Explain.” he leaned forward. He sounded genuinely interested, if only mildly. “I’m no zoological expert but I can tell you...it varies with species. Some, like sharks, don’t raise their young--they’ll in fact devour them. But in mammals, the strong species all nurse and nurture their young, at least the mothers do. Sometimes both parents, I think, as with wolf packs. But, let us take tigers, one of the greatest predators on the planet, surely a species that appeals to the ‘red in tooth and claw’ paradigm of power, the apex predator who devours the ones beneath it. These creatures, mighty as they are, begin as helpless cubs, blind and barely mobile. If their mothers abandoned them to adversity as you suggest they must, or worse, hurt them in order to make them strong, the cubs would die. Even if they did manage to fend for themselves in the wild without help, they’d be malnourished as cubs, resulting in stunted adults. And they wouldn’t learn how to hunt or behave. They need to loving guidance of their mother in order to be the powerful killers they become. I don’t think the father stays, but I imagine they would not be worse for it if he contributed. Therefore, I think the most successful species in your worldview, owe their success to the greatest traits in my worldview.” “Point to you, Ms. Dastoor,” said Sebastian, lifting his cup, “Though, as you yourself state---this does not apply to ALL great predators, and the tiger still does teach the cubs to hunt what is weaker than themselves. She does not nurture them forever. Surely at some point the juveniles are driven away from her, and by her own claws?” “I believe they do, when it is time. But I would not think you approved of that aspect of their behavior.” “Whyever not?” “Your son is an adult, yet you still have him taking orders at your side, do you not?” There was a very tense silence, and then Shaw smiled. “You say you’re no zoologist. Why do you know so much about tigers?” She smiled back, “Well, Mr. Shaw, it’s actually a bit spiteful, I suppose---I heard arguments like yours over and over, using ‘survival of the fittes’, to justify hurting or neglecting others. I decided to look into just how true it actually was that this was the “natural” order.” His smile became a grin, “Ah, so it is not about love of animals, but a love of refuting me.” "No, Mr. Shaw. It’s for love of the people hurt by beliefs like yours. But,” and her own smile became a grin as well, something that, despite its technical closeness to a smile, was a far cry from anything Sebastian had ever grlimpsed on her face before, “I will level with you---it is a little fun when someone doesn’t have an answer to my tiger example." *** SATURN’S CHILDREN “She was my mom, you know,” said Alice as they approached the wall of rubble. They were in the remains of the underground children where Alice and the other children had lived with Miss Sinister. Shinobi’s mission had been to get in using his phasing abilities, gather data, and get out. Alice, of course, had not been part of the plan. But when it was just her and him, she’d begged to come, and he’d...fuck, he didn’t know why he gave in. “I loved her. I still love her. And I thought she loved me,” Alice continued, as though in a trance, as though talking to the rubble and not to Shinobi, “And she did, I guess, just---just not how I thought. Like you love a car. Something you can use. Or more like, I guess, I guess---” Her voice broke, “A set of new clothes.” Shinobi, really just wanting her to shut up, grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her through with him. They were in the remains of the entryway when they went solid again, and as Shinobi tried to reconcile the digital map Claudine had given him with the ruins before him. Alice quieted down as they searched, but then something else set her off, she was touching something---a broken cloning tank. Again, she was talking to it, not to Shinobi. “She loved me for what she wanted me to be for her, she loved what I could do for her.” Shinobi stepped up behind her, “Uh, Ally?” “Alice.” “Right, Alison, listen, maybe uh talk to Madelyne or Haven or somebody about this later.” “Well they’re not here!” she shouted over her shoulder at him, and she sounded both angry and in pain, taking Shinobi aback, “They’re not here and you are and you...I know you understand me!” Shinobi froze, “The hell do you mean?” “You may be dumb but I’m not! I have eyes! All you want to do is party and have fun and get drunk with Pyro! No way you’re doing all this Black Bishop businessman stuff except for your dad!” “Hey, not true!” Shinobi returned, “The Hellfire Club is power, money is power, and power is everything! And I want everything!” “You don’t want power, you don’t even wanna get out of bed in the morning! “It’s called a hangover you stupid little snot!” “Exactly!” “Wh---what does that even mean?! Shut up, I’m not going to engage with a CHILD! And after I was nice enough to bring you here! I have half a mind to leave you now, if you love it so much! That would teach you some manners!” He just might have to, if he still didn’t need to look for the data. Alice at least was helpful with that---she had lived in this place, she knew it well, even in ruins. They walked in silence at first as she lead the way to where the supercomputer’s chamber would be, until, goddammit, she started up again. “Look I wasn’t trying to be mean to you. But I mean...you’re just a kid, really, like me. You just wanna have fun. And I see how your dad talks to you. Everybody does. Even if only Ms. Haven says anything. “And Pyro,” Shinobi pointed out. “Well, Ms. Haven covers my ears when HE says anything to your dad.” “Yeah, because you’re a kid and I’M NOT,” Shinobi said petulantly. And indeed he wasn’t a kid, he wasn’t some scared little boy anymore, he was black bishop of the hellfire club, partner to black king, his father, his father’s right hand man. Emphasis on MAN. Adult. Grown-up. Powerful. “Do you love him?” “Pyro? Nah, we’re just, uh...the adult kind of friends, you’ll understand when you’re older and more mature like m--” “Nooooo, dummy, your dad!” SHinobi tripped over the high heels of his costume, “What kind of question is that?” Alice looked down, not at Shinobi but at her sneakers, “I still love my mom. Claudine, I mean.” Shinobi didn’t answer her. He didn’t even look back at her. And she didn’t ask anymore questions, or talk about their parents anymore. They made it to the wrecked remains of the supercomputer, they got the wrecked remains of the data, and they returned to the rubble blocking the entrance. And as they phased out through it and stepped back into the outside world, Shinobi looked down at her and said, “I love what he can do for me.”

[phoenix-downer]

Hello! I haven't played KH III yet but I plan to. I have come across some really hateful posts on tumblr and even twitter about Sora and Kairi being together. It appears some people are really upset that Sora and Riku didn't become a thing and have downplayed Sora x Kairi's relationship as something as forced and not having chemistry. I had no idea this was even a thing. Can you tell me where this hostility came from? I thought it was obvious that they had feelings for each other.

Hello! Thanks for the ask! There’s a lot to examine here, but I’ll do my best to try to tackle the whole issue with tact and empathy. Light/very vague spoilers for K/H/3, E/ndgame, and F/M/A follow (with slashes so they hopefully don’t show up in the tags).

First of all, I’m so sorry you’ve stumbled across those kinds of tweets and posts. If I could, I’d shield everyone from having to deal with such hatred and negativity about something they enjoy. Doesn’t matter what you ship; no one deserves to deal with that level of toxicity. 

Imagine going into a room and hearing people talk loudly about something you love, talk about how much they hate it and how much it sucks. Doesn’t make you feel very welcome, does it? But that’s exactly what’s happening here - you’re not the only one who’s noticed this. I have had to block or mute so many people because of the kind of bashing you describe. People purposely tagging their hate so that fans can see it, saying nasty things and picking fights in a way that makes you wonder what they get out of being so cruel and vicious. 

I’ve seen it so much that I’m extra sensitive to it now too; I block much more quickly than I did in the past. And I would advise other people to do the same. You don’t owe anyone access to your social media. They’re not entitled to your time or energy, either. You don’t owe it to them to read their hate. By blocking them, you take away part of their audience, you take away their attention. And the thing is, they want that attention. They want to make other people angry and miserable because they’re angry and miserable. And you don’t have to give them the satisfaction. 

Sadly, because twitter and tumblr have such poor moderation, no one running these sites is doing much to stop these people. In fact, the platforms even encourage that kind of behavior, because the loudest people get the most attention. So that encourages and emboldens the kind of nasty behavior you’re seeing.

Now, this is not to say there is never room for criticism, because there is, but that is a very different thing from what you’re describing, which is plain old bashing. Criticism and critique are offered in the hope that something will improve; bashing is done to express pure vitriol, and it isn’t productive for anyone. It might feel good in the moment, but in the end it just leaves people bitter and empty. 

There are plenty of people critiquing K/H and how the games went and how the various character arcs unfolded and how the relationships developed, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Shutting down all criticism isn’t healthy; it should be allowed and encouraged, as constructive criticism leads to healthy dialogue, both with other fans and with S/quare E/nix. And Square has listened to fans in the past; they’ve fixed issues with gameplay that occurred when 1.5 and 2.5 were ported to the PS4 and converted to 60 fps, for example.

Neither is there anything wrong with venting to a close friend in a private setting - DMs, PMs, on your personal blog or twitter account with the ship you’re criticizing censored somehow so that everyone who likes it doesn’t have to stumble across your venting. Heaven knows I’ve had to vent a lot to stay in the fandom without lashing out. The issue is when someone thinks it’s okay to force their anger and negativity onto other people who don’t want to see it or hear it. 

So the question is, why are we stumbling across such strong feelings? Because it’s clear people feel pretty strongly about all this. 

I don’t think there’s an easy answer as to why this is happening, but I’ll take a shot at explaining what might’ve happened all the same. I’m sure if you asked someone else, they might give you a different answer, and it’s worth getting multiple perspectives. This is just my two cents, and naturally, it’s going to be biased towards my experiences and preferences. 

The shipwars in the K/ingdom H/earts fandom have been nasty for years. From what I can gather, they got really bad when KH2 was released, though I’m sure there was probably drama before then. S*kai fans and S*riku fans did not see eye to eye on how that game went, and it’s all been downhill ever since. People on both sides have been mean and nasty, I’ve seen them be nasty, hurling insults and slurs and accusing each other of awful things to the point that the question of “who started it” is pretty much moot at this point. A more productive question would be, “how can we end it and get along, or at least start treating each other better?” 

Now, since I ship S*kai (obviously), I’ll share why this is such a touchy subject for me personally. I’ve been in fandom for a while now, and something I’ve noticed is just how much fans tend to hate female characters because of sexism and internalized misogyny.   

I was in the M/C/U fandom before this, and Sh*ron’s actress got death threats around the time C/ivil W/ar came out from angry shippers. And then P*ggy’s actress has likewise been harassed after E/ndgame came out by, again, angry shippers. I was a big F/M/A fan back in the day, and W*nry got so much hate from, you guessed it, angry shippers. I remember a friend back then rolling her eyes and bashing W*nry, and when I asked her why she hated her, she couldn’t really give me a clear answer other than that she was “whiny.” 

Heaven forbid a female character not be completely perfect. 

Over and over, I saw this pattern repeating. A female character gets hate because there is a popular alternate pairing that she “gets in the way of.” Even before I had the vocabulary to talk about it, the hatred just struck me as very gendered. I never saw that level of hatred for any of the male characters unless they were written to be hated (hello Shou T*cker). And I was likewise harsher on female characters than on their male counterparts. It took me years to realize what I was doing and to try to put a stop to it. 

So then I came to the K/ingdom H/earts fandom with all that background and baggage, dealing with years of people hating characters I liked and looked up to and identified with, and I saw the same thing happening again. Yet another female character getting nasty hate because of her gender, because she dared to like a boy who was shipped with another boy. Because she dared to fall in love. How dare she have feelings, how dare she be feminine, how dare she wear pink and have a flowery Keyblade. How dare her strength of heart be stronger than her physical strength. There is only one kind of strength that matters, and it’s how hard you can kick someone’s ass (wrong, wrong, wrong, and one look at the whole power of friendship thing this series revolves around would tell you that). 

How dare K*iri not be an instant expert at fighting, which is cruel and ironic because if she was an instant expert at fighting, everyone would be crying Mary Sue. How dare she sass and tease S*ra, she’s such a bitch. Oh, she doesn’t tease him as much in K/H/3 and is more gentle and supportive because he’s going through hell and nearly loses everything and she knows he needs her support now more than ever? She’s a complete pushover! 

See what I mean by how hard people are on female characters? K*iri can’t win no matter what she does. She could have the best character arc ever post K/H/3 and people would still find something to complain about. That’s not to say I don’t have issues with how she’s written, I just think the criticisms against her tend to be way overblown. There aren’t enough discussions about how she could improve moving forward (though I have seen them, and thank you to those of you who do have them!), instead people just write her off completely as useless and worthless and want to improve her character by… dropping her out of the story completely (and yes, I’ve run into someone who actually thought this would be a good thing and always felt the need to talk about it, and it absolutely drove me up the wall). 

And worst of all, she can’t win because S*ra fell in love with her. Really, it’s ironic that she gets as much hate as she does for something S*ra did. She had no control over S*ra falling in love with her, and yet she is absolutely despised by people because he did. She isn’t “good enough” for him apparently, whatever that’s supposed to mean.  

I share all this to explain why I was so sensitive to the issue coming in. I saw the same thing happening I’d experienced time and again and I was so exhausted. So tired of it. I didn’t want to deal with it again, and I was on my guard right from the start. Especially because it’s so normalized in online KH communities to bash K*iri and S*kai. The major ones, too, with lots of people and a wide range of (or lack thereof) of shipping preferences, not just dedicated shipping groups. Try to go an entire discussion without seeing it come up… it’s a lot harder than you might think. 

At first I tried to be patient and understanding. Other people have different tastes, and I wanted to be understanding of that. But after years of watching the bashing happen, my patience ran thin. I was sick of seeing it enabled in major K/H communities, sick of seeing mods refuse to put a stop to it, or worse, low-key join in with the bashing, sick of having to put up with so much negativity when all I wanted was somewhere to discuss something I enjoyed. Some people seemed almost gleeful, almost eager in their bashing; any time K*iri was brought up, they felt compelled to express their hatred for her. They were more obsessed with her than her actual fans were; felt more passionately (albeit negatively) about S*kai than some actual S*kai shippers did. 

When I reached that point, the point where I was tempted to be negative and snappy and rude, I knew I couldn’t engage with certain people anymore. So I stopped trying. I searched for S*kai fans here on tumblr and stuck with them. I didn’t want to add to an already tense situation, and thankfully, there are other people who feel the same way (but more on that later). 

And on the S*riku side of things, some of them have shared that they have been told nasty homophobic things for shipping S*riku. And for many of them, I’m sure S*riku is a way of expressing their identity, a way of exploring their feelings and expressing them in a safe, welcoming way with fellow fans who get what they’re going through. Representation has gotten better in recent years (though it still has a long way to go), but back when the K/H games were first coming out, things were different, and people had to take what they could get from canon and run with it if they wanted to see more content that represented them. 

I’ve also seen a few people say that certain S*kai fans went out of their way to message them and rub what happened in K/H/3 in their faces. That kind of gloating is bound to upset anyone, yikes. Canon has become the new gold standard for shipping in the last decade or so, and it has sadly been weaponized in the ever-nastier ship wars, when really, a ship’s value shouldn’t be based on how “canon” it is but on the joy it brings to people. 

So yeah, we have a situation where enough people on both sides were treating others poorly that everyone got defensive, because how could you not when people keep attacking something you love, especially if you feel strongly about it/associate it with your identity? And that made people more likely to lash out, and when they did, people got even more defensive, and the cycle repeated, over and over and over again. 

And you know how I mentioned I sought refuge with likeminded fans? I think that happened all over the fandom. People seek out those who will support them and support their beliefs and form identities and communities based around them… and that’s a double-edged sword.

On the one hand, it’s great to get so much support, especially if you’re seeking refuge from a particularly nasty ship war. Having a safe place to vent and unwind and finally get to talk about what you love without fear of getting hate over it is awesome.

On the other hand, things like echo chambers, confirmation bias, groupthink, and the false consensus effect flourish in those kinds of situations. If all you hear is that XYZ pairing must be canon or will be canon in a future game from the group of people you’ve surrounded yourself with, and everyone enthusiastically agrees because everyone ships the same thing you do and of course no one is going to rain on that parade, it can come as quite a shock when a new piece of canon comes out and doesn’t align to your expectations. Especially if you’ve spent years expecting canon to align with your expectations. 

We lose something when we can’t engage in healthy dialogue with people who disagree with us. Our perceptions get warped, our memories might even get warped, and what we could’ve sworn was canon… we might be surprised to see wasn’t, when we revisit the source material with a more critical eye or listen to someone who sees things differently than we do. 

But how can we have that healthy dialogue when there’s been so much bad blood? How can we listen to each other when there’s no trust? It’s nearly impossible, so instead we reinforce the beliefs and ideas our own communities already hold fast to, and the cycle continues. We draw lines in the sand separating “us” vs. “them” and don’t give each other a chance. Not only does this alienate people on opposite ends of the shipping spectrum, it also alienates multishippers because they’re considered “traitors” to both sides, and that is an uncomfortable place to be. 

I think that’s why you find the whole thing so jarring. I’m guessing you might not be as heavily involved with the fandom as I am, and have thus been largely immune from the perils of echo chambers and confirmation bias. So for you it must seem really weird that something that seems clear to you is so contentious to other people. I don’t say this to throw shade at anyone, because I know the same thing would’ve happened if the pairings had gotten switched around. It’s more of an observation of a phenomenon I’ve seen happen over and over again throughout the years. 

So all of that is to say, things are tense because of all these backgrounds and experiences and histories people bring into the fandom. No one exists in a vacuum, and things were already tense before K/H/3 even came out. K/ingdom H/earts has been such an important part of many people’s lives and growing up experiences that they feel a deep connection to it and almost a sense of ownership of it. It’s a shared story, a shared experience. It belongs to all of us, in a way, and yet it’s still N*mura’s baby.

And that’s where we run into more issues. How much say should fans have in a work of art? Does the creator get the final say in interpretation, or should she accept that once her creation has been released into the world, it’s up to other people to interpret what she meant? There are no easy answers to these kinds of questions, and they’re widely debated and discussed (see: the whole death of the author debacle). 

However, while I think feeling a sense of ownership and investment in a piece of art is totally fine, it crosses the line when it gets into the realm of entitlement. By this I do not mean asking for more representation, because that is a perfectly good thing to ask for; I mean demanding that the creators cater to your whims… or else. I mean contacting people who worked on the game on twitter and demanding they change the story to make it “right.” I mean directly telling one of the VAs you want her replaced because you thought she did a bad job. And yes, I am talking about actual stuff I’ve seen happen in this very fandom. All of that has also left me with a bad taste in my mouth, and other people I’ve talked to have felt the same. 

That being said, shipping in and of itself is not the problem. For every nasty tweet and bashing post out there, there are plenty of kind and good people who are just there to enjoy their ships. Lovely artists and talented writers and skilled gif makers and editors creating a wealth of beautiful content for something they love. People who would never harass others for their shipping preferences and are disgusted by those who do. Unfortunately, they’re not the ones getting the attention, and they’re probably not the ones you’re going to run into if you ship a different ship, as they tend to stick to their own spaces out of courtesy and respect. 

This means that the people you are more likely to run into are the ones who want to pick fights. The ones who bash and stir up drama and tell people to kill themselves for shipping XYZ. While there are plenty of people being cruel and nasty and toxic, there are good people in the fandom too. Kind, caring people who will see you as a person first and not an XYZ, even if they don’t agree with you on everything. They’re quiet(er), because kindness isn’t usually flashy and showy, but they’re here. You just have to know how to find them.   

Thanks for the ask! I tried to answer this as fairly as I could, based on my observations and things I’ve been stewing over for a while now, so I hope it sheds more light on the situation. 

[superlinguo]

Linguistics Jobs: Interview with an Internet Linguist

If you’re a regular reader of this blog then Gretchen McCulloch will already be familiar to you as the other half of the Lingthusiasm. While the podcast is something I do alongside an academic job, Gretchen is a full-time pop linguist. She runs the blog All Things Linguistic, has a regular column with Wired and her book Because Internet: Understanding the New Rules of Language is out on the 23rd of July. It’s particularly delightful to include Gretchen in the Linguistics Jobs interview series because I started doing these after a chat with Gretchen about how we need more stories about how people use their linguistic skills in different jobs.

What did you study at university?

I did my undergrad at Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario, Canada where I got a Bachelor of Arts (Honours) with a major in linguistics and a minor in World Language Studies. I'd actually been planning on doing a minor in French and was just filling my electives with other language courses but then they rolled out the World Language Studies minor right before my final year and I already had the right credits for it, so I changed my minor on paper. I thought about this with great care at the time, but the difference has never mattered. 

I then did a Master of Arts in linguistics at McGill University in Montreal, where I still live. I started my blog, All Things Linguistic, while I was in grad school, which was how I got started writing for a general audience. The blog led to my current career more directly than the schooling did, although I couldn't have done either kind of writing without the academic background. The socialization of grad school was very useful as well: learning how to feel comfortable at an academic conference and how to self-manage on a large research/writing project. I also did a ton of public speaking as an extracurricular activity all the way through, which has been incredibly helpful, both directly for giving talks and also indirectly for media, teaching, and the podcast. 

What is your job?

I call myself an internet linguist because I analyze the language of the internet, for the people of the internet. I think linguists have an ethical responsibility to make our work useful to the communities that we serve, and for me that generally looks like producing accessible linguistics resources online and defending internet language in popular media.

When I was writing and editing the book, I had a daily to-do list with the same thing at the top every day: work on the book! But in order to make such a massive task manageable, I broke that down into both effort-based goals (checking off each pomodoro of time spent) and results-based goals (such as rewriting a particular section). Now that I'm working on multiple projects at once rather than one enormous project, I've switched to weekly to-do lists: a given week will generally contain a few things I need to do for the book, a few things for the podcast, a few things for an article I'm writing for Wired or a consulting project, some media calls or meetings, and some general admin. (I also have a weekly section called "fun" because that's an important part of a healthy lifestyle!)

When I'm home, I'm either working from my home office or from a coffeeshop, and Twitter and Slack are kind of my "virtual water cooler" for when I need a dose of social interaction. When I'm travelling, it's generally for a conference where I'm giving a talk and having conversations with people for the entire day, which is pretty much the exact opposite and then I have to make sure I get breaks away from people. I like to keep a certain travel-to-home ratio – enough to keep things exciting without being so much that I'm run off my feet.

How does your linguistics training help you in your job?

My linguistics training is crucial! It's becoming less and less common for public commentators about language to have zero linguistics background and I think this is a positive trend. I have the background to go directly into academic papers and books in any subfield of linguistics, and I have a deep network of linguists who I've seen give talks or chatted with about their projects over the years – I never know when something I vaguely heard about five years ago is going to turn out to be relevant.  

What I notice is, because I have a linguistics background, I'm comfortable claiming certain things about language on my own authority. When I quote another person in one of my articles, it's because that person has specific expertise – I don't need to find a secondary source to quote for basic background information that any linguist would know or for analyses that draw on general principles of linguistics. Indeed, I'm often a secondary source that journalists without linguistics training go to for quotes. I also see all my articles through a linguist lens, which means that I'm inspired to write about topics that linguists know are interesting but the average person doesn't even realize might exist, and that I can avoid perpetuating the same old myths and misconceptions that often show up in language media.

What was the transition from university to work like for you?

How I got started in my job is somewhat unusual, so I actually ended up writing an extended blog post series about Weird Internet Careers.

Do you have any advice do you wish someone had given to you about linguistics/careers/university?

I wish I'd known more about the breadth of writing styles that were available. The only kind of journalism that I was taught about in school was reporting, where a non-expert goes out with a notebook to interview witnesses and writes an "inverted pyramid" style article about what happened. I didn't know about the "explainer" style of article, which takes a deeper and less time-sensitive dive into why or how something works, until much later, when I was basically already writing them. It turns out that I have very little interest in reporting on current events (and let's face it, there isn't a ton of language news), but I'm always interested in the question of how and why language works, and answering it in ways that are exciting for non-specialists keeps me fired up about the big questions of our field. 

In retrospect, when I was first getting into linguistics, I was reading a lot of science communication about linguistics, but I didn't know that this was the name for the genre or that you can get a whole degree in SciComm (often a masters after doing a bachelors in a specific science). And SciComm as a field is often more focussed on subjects like physics or biology, so I've been using the word LingComm to draw attention to linguistics communication as a subset of science communication. I'd encourage anyone who might be interested in writing for a general audience to follow journalists, editors, and scicommers on twitter to get a sense of what that area can look like.

Any other thoughts or comments?

l also post linguistics job related information at allthingslinguistic.com/jobs, including some interviews and advice posts on specific aspects of explaining linguistics for the general public. In particular, I'd recommend my post Linguistics + X, about finding interesting jobs at the intersection of linguistics and your other interests, and my series on how to do LingComm.   

Previously:

Interview with a Lexicographer

Interview with a Journalist

Interview with a PR Consultant

Interview with an Agency Owner & Executive Editor

Interview with a Freelance Editor, Writer and Trainer

Check out the Linguist Jobs tag for even more interviews