#without considering that the pain might be a literal physical cause

[vanilla-voyeur]

looking at those posts where people talk about how people without chronic pain will never understand the pain intensity of chronic pain and concluding my near constant dull full body ache must not count as true chronic pain

[tanoraqui]

Dungeon Meshi Liveblog: I thought I wasn't going to have strong opinions about the Laios-Shuro fight, but...

Laios was right about this! Yes, they had 2 physical fights first, but it's important to note that Laios was right about this!

.

^ -man who would literally kill to stay in this room and observe this private conversation.

.

Sir, your unfaltering little wide-eyed, amiable smile while seriously considering topics that are obviously un-smile-worth has charmed me utterly. I wish to study you like an climate-entomologist yearns for the butterfly that causes storms.

.

She seems fine.

.

If I start screencapping Laios's and Marcille's faces in this fight, I will never stop because literally every panel is devasting.

.

Kuro has done distinctly the most damage so far this fight, just stabbing and gnawing, and I think we should recognize and appreciate that fact.

.

I really miss the animation we got of Rin's lightning blast slicing narrowly past Laios.

I love how fast, if reluctantly, Laios accepts that if - not, that Falin is a true "monster", inhuman and hurting people relentlessly and unapologetically, and thus she needs to be killed before she kills them, like any other monster. I also love that Marcille doesn't accept this. Characters!

.

+1 to qualification to kingship! Kabru is one again surprised (you can tell by how he's not smiling) (though this might also be due to the significant injuries he just took).

I do have several emotions about how Falin immediately yanks away and kills Kabru, without touching Laios. That's her brother!!

.

I really like this little cluster because it says to me that Shuro still has very good "do what Marcille says when she abruptly shouts magic-related directions in combat" instincts. He's a mirror of the "You're already on the Christmas card, buddy" meme - more like, "You're still on the Christmas card." Just like Namari: no one really stops being fond of, and battle companions with, these weirdos.

.

I think the most painful part of this probably is that Marcille isn't certain. Maybe this IS her fault. At minimum, she knows she might have mixed the dragon's soul into Falin's, which enabled this even if it didn't create it. But she can't 100% rule out the possibility that it's more her fault than that - which is, of course, the absolute worst thing to say to all of these people looking at her violently askance for using dark magic.

.

yeahhhhhh "Lunatic Magician" REALLY lacks the oomph of "Mad Mage"

ANGRY LAIOS! It's such a rare expression on him, it's exciting to see.

.

Yesss look at my man Chilchuck use available tools in his environment and save this little goober who thinks it's cool to resent adults.

I really like how they show the social consequences of dark magic. Much beyond Shuro's anger: the other mages are now shutting Marcille down, especially where resurrection magic is concerned. She's made herself untrusted by her peers, whether or not the magic she used on Falin is truly "evil."

.

I really enjoy the, like, narratively obligatory, not actually real (well, maybe to Rin) "will they-won't they" between Kabru and Rin. In the story that this isn't, where Kabru is the protagonist with his quirky gang of found family who are helping him save the island and prevent another bloodbath like in his angsty backstory, she IS the One (Human) Female on the Team who is obviously his love interest - often the first to challenge him, battle mage rather than healer ie a Strong Female Character who nonetheless doesn't use unfeminine brute force, forced by happenstance to kiss...

Alas! Kabru is not the protagonist of this story, so Rin shall remain disappointed.

Also this montage of people healing and reuniting while in the background Laios and Shuro whale on each other remains SO funny. Flawless comedic timing.

.

Alright, hot take time: I feel like all the debate I've seen about the Shuro/Laios fight depict it as revealing the friendship basically shattered, and never real in the first place. Whereas I'm mostly warmed by how real it clearly was despite everything that just happened?

Shuro is operating on no food and less sleep, desperate to save the woman he idolizes without truly understanding her loves, who is now apparently a monster who nearly slaughtered his most loyal followers. In the past like 2 weeks, Laios has: watched his sister die to save his life (his little sister, whom he is supposed to protect), walked headfirst into a nigh-unwinnable fight to get her back, held her skull in his hands, got her back and held her in his arms, lost her again about 6 hours later in an even more unwinnable fight, which was proven even more unwinnable when the Mage twisted the dungeon itself against them, saw her again but as a murderous monster now (which might be due to the magic he agreed to use to resurrect her), swiftly and sternly resigned himself to fighting and potentially killing her (his little sister! whom he is supposed to protect!), had her recognize him (and no one else!) despite her monstrosity, watched her be killed (again!) in part thanks to him distracting her, except it didn't work and then she fled.

This is an immature, ignoring-immediate-needs (ie, food, healing) knock-down drag-out fight between two men at the absolute ends of their ropes, who, sure, have built-up resentments against each other and the world, and an inciting incident pushing them over the edge - but mostly neither of them can punch in the face the fact that they can't save Falin. So they punch each other instead.

I won't even address the prologue to the fight, where Laios tells him about the black magic and Shuro promptly tries to strangle him then levels a sword at him. Kabru already nailed that: Shuro was worried about Falin - that the magic had hurt her, that the social consequences would be worse. Laios knew this enough that he didn't fight back, then. But now?

The first shove is Shuro demanding, Don't you fucking DARE give me false hope.

I cannot emphasize enough how hard I would also slap someone for suggesting that I wasn't taking the death and monsterization of my younger sibling seriously.

Shuro knows it, too. He doesn't respond to this, he just punches, and Laios punches back. Shuro doesn't speak again until Laios knocks him all the way down, and

Shuro is at his absolute depth. The lowest point he (feels that he) can go. He cannot save Falin. He's shamed himself as a leader and heir by getting his people killed (they got better, but that's beside the point.) He's been beaten in hand-to-hand combat by this idiot northern peasant. He lets down his guard and pride enough to mutter this self-deprecation aloud...and the idiot northern peasant hears, compounding every shame - and it's infuriating especially because he doesn't even hear properly, just like he never hears properly - he's so frustrating in his friendly but oblivious constant irritation and THIS, Shuro can still be furious about, to avoid his grief/hopelessness/self-loathing/shame. This, he can still fight about!

So he does.

They're both wrong in this fight. They're both right. Laios was consistently inconsiderate; knowing this about himself - because it's not like by his early 20s he didn't know that he didn't Get people the way most people Get people - he should've made more of an effort, and picked up any of the hints Shuro was laying down. Shuro was too caught up in his own pride and out-of-place manners: when it was clear that Laios wasn't going to pick up on even the strongest "hint", he should've said something plainly instead of just letting his resentment build until he was effectively lying to Laios about, if not their entire friendship, certainly the shape of it.

But they were friends. They are friends. This isn't the posture or conversation of two guys who don't like each other.

It's two guys who are still, in fact, fucking exhausted, physically and emotionally - but they just got rid of a lot of extra, furious, helpless energy, so they're finally satisfied to just sit. Their posture is relaxed and casual; their conversation straightforward and companionable, if serious.

This is two guys who've sat like this many time at a campfire, in just these poses. Who've kept watch together late at night and stayed awake by talking.

Laios cares about Falin more than anyone in the world, and even after the words and blows they just exchanged, he's still willing to put Shuro's suit to her. Shuro didn't tell Falin he was interested in her until he proposed to her, but he's telling it all to Laios. Admittedly, this is because Laios is, Shuro assumes, the closest he'll ever get to being able to tell it all to Falin...but still. And he admits vulnerability, which he clearly wouldn't have done before, even to his most loyal and loved companions as they urged him to eat and sleep.

Yeah, they're buddies. If I had to describe it, I'd say: their relationship was built on unsteady, false foundations, but they built something sturdy on it anyway, and the sturdy thing survives even when the foundations shake and re-settle.

Lol at Shuro. "I'm going to report you to the local authorities for your crimes because it's the right thing to do. But if you survive, I'll totally use my power and influence to help you flee the country, and live peacefully on my estate beyond where an extradition treaty can reach you."

[ctheathy]

HI again! I was wondering if you could do a flippy+fliqpy x reader who is very kind and sweet to him and just gives him the love he MOST DEFF deserves? already dating headcannons if your able to

Flippy+Fliqpy w/ Sweetheart!Darling

Flippy x Reader x Fliqpy

General+Fluff Headcanons

Short Concept

Both Flippy and Fliqpy shall be kept in different sections to prevent confusion between the two as always!!

Flippy/Reader/Fliqpy [Romantic]

[Gender-neutral Darling|Female Darling|Male Darling]

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

PTSD symptoms [On Flippy’s part] • Mentions of war • Overworking •

╭┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

Flippy :

Honey, you and your antics are literally all the man needs in his life. I can see Flippy finding a massive amount of emotional support from you just being there for him, your presence is more than enough to cease any considered stress he might have been feeling beforehand and soften up his mood for the rest of the day. He always seems to be happy and relaxed whenever you happen to be around. You’re truly like the only comfort person the green bear has in his life. And he shall do everything in his power to make sure to keep you aware of that fact. He’ll oftentimes bring you gifts and other small items to showcase his appreciation for your constant, endearing kindness to him. As it means more to the male than words could ever tell you.

He tends to shy away from too much physical contact at times, but he’ll certainly hold your hand here and there for emotional support. Especially whenever feeling overwhelmed in the slightest, one tiny squeeze can put him back at ease. He is so internally grateful for the fact you manage to keep him stable like this, which is why he... attempts to return the favour. Flippy tries to be so incredibly gentle when it comes to you, knowing he can have quite the harsh and strong grip as a whole. But this also causes him to be slightly awkward and knowing where to put his hands and such for the longest time. You’ll have to ease him into it little by little, and that’s when he becomes a little teddybear towards you. As soon as you warm him up to it, there’s not gonna be a single moment where he doesn’t crave your touch. He’ll become slightly more clingy due to your caring and loving nature. Including giving you affection of his own. Such as caresses whenever he gets close, an arm around your shoulder, and all the many many times where he entangles his pinky finger with your own whenever on a walk; Associating it with a sense of promise.

Flippy would oftentimes offer for the both of you to go on soothing and gentle dates with one another. Picnics, skygazing, tea parties; uncomplicated deeds such as those, just wanting to go out with you without potential stressful situations. We all know Flippy here isn’t the biggest fan of activities that can result in trouble, are too noisy for his liking or may have a chance of triggering his ptsd in one way or another. He has always been haunted by the mere thought of the battlefields he faced in the past, so all he truthfully desires is a simple and familiar routine in his life where he can live without feeling the constant need to flee for his safety. He just wants an easy-peasy life with you that isn’t revolved around war and the pain of others. As the simple thought of losing you to the same incidents he has lost his peers to leaves the bear shaken up and absolutely mortified.

╰┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

╭┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

Fliqpy :

Being the defense mechanism to Flippy’s trauma, it’s only natural he is going to be a lot less humane with you and more on the rough side than his merciful counterpart. But considering Flippy’s undying love for you, Fliqpy is going to be growing a soft spot of his own. Even if he tends to show you this through ... rather unique ways and means. He’s a big tease and takes any opportunity to just- bully you. You better expect a daily flick to your forehead, cause it’s going to happen. At this rate, he would pretty much do anything to just get on your nerves and get a reaction out of you. Would put down constant traps in order to just troll you. And as soon as you manage to get lured into one, he is going to be laughing at you like a madman and ridicule you for not being careful enough with your step.

Fliqpy would constantly insist and technically just force you along with the prompt that he gets to train with you and learn you the basics of self defense and combat. He’d sometimes slinger around commentary and scary suggestions that could result in similar motives for you to keep your guard up around the place. He’d teach you how to work with the more common variants of weapons for the sake of your safety, even if it happens to be against your agreement; you’ll be dragged into it whenever you have interest in it or not. These little training sessions can definitely cause you to grow overworked and exhausted rather quickly though, as Fliqpy treats you as he would a comrade back during the violent attacks of war itself.

On a sweeter note, though; you’ll probably be the only individual he can tolerate enough to share his background with. He’ll want to tell you everything he experienced in graphic detail and leave nothing out of the story. He’ll tell you about the many secrets of any vicious ambushes he and his team faced back in the day. Including what the experience can actually do to a person, leading to some more deep and serious conversational topics. With your influence, I also believe Fliqpy to grow the ability to become less hostile over time. His killings are most likely not going to take a stop, but he tends to grow the slightest bit more forbearing towards the other bystanders while being less bloodthirsty than he was before. And all because he got the experience the chance to share these horrible occurrences and traumatic events among somebody he grew a sense of trust with.

╰┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

[mumms-the-word]

your tags about wyll being another disabled person standing up for stelmane... yeah. like all the characters have amazing links to disability like gale's orb, karlach's heart, astarion's hunger all being chronic illnesses essentially, shadowheart dealing with chronic pain, lae'zel i think is the only one without disability coding like that? but wyll being like obviously physically disabled in a different way to everyone else feels important. and the whole thing of overt physical disability being treated completely differently to invisible disability bc there is no way to hide so you're an obvious target (ask me how i know...) so yeah wyll. ugh 💜

I have MANY thoughts about the various disabilities in the game and the way that BG3 is ultimately a Search for a Cure game that dares to suggest “but what if you don’t want the cure? We have a path for that”

But yes to catch others up:

Wyll is physically disabled because he is missing an eye, so he is half blind (though for gameplay purposes we don’t see him with a debuff in accuracy or a lower movement range like we see with completely-blind Zanner Toobin)

Karlach has a chronic heart condition, her heart is a literal machine and it causes her a great deal of pain and discomfort and it will eventually kill her

Gale has the orb, it causes heart-pain/chest-pain-like aches and if left unaddressed will literally disabled him in terms of gameplay because he will slow down and all his attack/defense dice rolls take a hit

Shadowheart has the mark on her hand, which flares up at random and comes with a sharp pain. She also has amnesia, which can be considered a disability

Astarion has vampirism, which, depending on how you read it, is itself a kind of disability (though the tadpole negates a lot of the disabling parts of vampirism for him). I don’t read his hunger as chronic illness mostly because regular hunger isn’t chronic illness and he does find ways to manage his hunger; he is however traumatized and likely has a host of mental illnesses that I won’t diagnose him with, though CPTSD seems like the obvious low hanging fruit

Lae’zel’s only known disability or illness is the tadpole. And she treats it like a disabiltiy or an illness rather than an asset. Unlike others, she’s seeking to cure it, point blank, no negotiations

So the game is full of unexpected and intentional disability representation, even when actual disability isn’t like….actually affecting your gameplay. Sometimes it does, like with Gale, but often it doesn’t mess with your dice rolls or attack range or accuracy. The game just isn’t built for that.

But anyway you point is not about the gameplay. It’s about Wyll.

Wyll I think is interesting because out of the Core Six, he’s the only one comfortable with his disability. I think this is partly because it doesn’t cause him pain. (Pain is after all the Great Complicator in disability discussion.) Even when he turns into a devil, which would do wild things to his psyche, he takes it in stride. This might be bad writing or it might be intentional—physical difference just doesn’t fluster him

But anyway he’s so comfortable in his disability that he jokes with you when you join the “One Eye Club.” He speaks of Stelmane post-stroke as a survivor and a person of value. I imagine he doesn’t have much experience with chronic pain or chronic illness but he’s probably dealt with tons of injuries (look at all his scars) even at his young age. He’s an idealist, but I think he also speaks from experience when he says that Stelmane is “no less worthy of life or success because she is disabled”

I think he thinks the same of his friends. Karlach, Gale, Shadowheart, Astarion, Lae’zel, even if they were able to cure their tadpoles or fix their conditions, he would find them no less valuable and worthy before or after their cures. I don’t think he always understands exactly the chronic pain/illness element but he would never ever say that a person is less worthy of simply living or succeeding or becoming a hero or becoming anything they want to be just because they have a disability or illness

Chalk it up to his idealism but I think that makes Wyll one of the more surprising and uplifting characters in the game, among his other surprising and uplifting characteristics. Like…he’s going to believe in you, no matter what. And he’s going to support you however he can. We see that with Karlach, and how much he would prefer his best friend live with her chronic illness in an environment that will lessen her pain than die. He’d probably give up his magic boots off his feet for Gale. He’d probably agree to fight Shar one on one to try and get her to stop plaguing Shadowheart with pain. He doesn’t want his friends to hurt, but he doesn’t think they’re less valuable or weak for hurting, you know?

Anyway we don’t deserve Wyll Ravengard

[7ndipity]

Their Crush Has a Date

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: Pt.3 of the Secret Crush series, how they would react to you going on a date with someone or finding out that another member liked you.

Warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of drinking, not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this!

Masterlist

Requests are open

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin:

When you told him about the date, he was honestly surprised by his own reaction; the sudden, rising sense of panic enough to make him feel physically ill, but he tries to hide it.

As much as it kills him though, your happiness is still the most important thing to him, so he lets you go without saying anything.

He even tries to ask you how things went the next day, even though the question feels like a fistfull of wet sand in his mouth.

When he hears you had a lousy time however, he’s hit with a wave of elation, followed immediately by guilt, as he listens to you explain how you never feel comfortable with anyone the way you are with him.

The whole ordeal is the final push he needs to admit to himself that he has to tell you how he feels.

Yoongi:

As soon as he hears mention of you having a date, he turns soo sullen. Like, this is one the few times his poker face would slip and you can practically see the raincloud over his head.

Probably lowkey avoids you for the days leading up to and following your date, cause he doesn’t want to hear, or even think about it.

Until you call to check on him and he finds out that you didn’t even go on the date after all, and his attitude does a full 180, suddenly sounding much brighter as he asks if you wanna hang out.

Despite his relief, there’s a new, lingering worry in his mind about what if you find someone else.

Starts trying to do extra things with you that are more couple-y, trying to subtly show you what being in a relationship with him could be like.

Hobi:

Full on panicking.

The mere idea of you with someone else brings out a possessive side of him that he didn’t even realize was there.

Like, he didn’t consider himself a jealous person, but after he almost punched Jungkook for just saying that he thought you were attractive, he’s not so sure.

This would for sure be the thing that ends up causing him to snap and confess.

Like, he would show up at your door and just spill out this big, rambly speech he only half thought through on the way over because he can’t take it anymore. He loves you, and he needs you to know.

Namjoon:

He would get soo passive aggressive and salty about the whole situation, though of course you don’t understand his sudden attitude shift.

Y’all would end up having a big fight about the whole thing and wind up not talking for a bit.

Until he hears from one of the other guys that the date went absolutely awful, and then he’s immediately calling or showing up at your place, to make sure you're okay.

Is super apologetic as he tries to comfort you as best he can, feeling like shit for having made the situation worse for you.

Starts realizing that he needs to come clean about his feelings for you, but isn’t sure how to proceed.

Jimin:

The human embodiment of the “this is fine” meme.

Wants desperately to distance himself from the whole situation, but he literally can never stay away from you, so he ends up just trying to smile through the pain as you go on about how excited you are.

Convinces himself that one date’s not that big of a deal, it doesn’t mean anything.

He would crack though if one of the other members showed interest in you, pulling them aside and telling them what’s going on, wanting to avoid any potential issues.

Seriously considers confessing after talking things through with them, though it might take him a while to get up the nerve.

Taehyung:

When he finds out about your date, he doesn’t even bother trying to hide his distaste for the whole situation, becoming withdrawn and sulky.

When you comment on it though, saying he's acting like he’s jealous or smth, he’ll vehemently deny it, but he’s not fooling anyone.

Mainly just avoids talking about it as much as possible tho.

If one of the other members says anything about being into you, however, all attempts at a poker face go out the window, telling them point blank to back off.

He would end up planning to confess after that, realizing that if he doesn’t, he’ll lose you to someone else.

Jungkook:

I know I sound like a broken record, but this is his kryptonite. He absolutely cannot stand to see you with someone else.

If another member even hints about being interested in you, he’s shutting them down soo fast, inadvertently letting his own feelings for you show through, but they don’t say anything.

Like Hobi, he would end up confessing, though it would probably come out in the middle of a fight.

Like, he would be going off about why are you going out with somebody like them?! “You deserve so much better!” “Why do you even care?!��� “Because I love you!”

And everything just freezes for a minute before you both slowly sit down, finally talking everything out properly.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[lilybecca1]

I open TikTok and of course this is the first thing that came up

And it's true. I think we all tend to look past how broken Bakugou Katsuki actually is, and how he's been broken down piece by piece ever since the beginning of the manga. So they say he hasn't gotten any karma for what he said to Izuku? He was literally one of the people who suffered the most in the entire story.

His entire world was flipped upside down, he went through feelings of betrayal when he thought Izuku lied to him his whole life, his own insecurities have been brought forth almost every moment, his ego was beaten down episode by episode, which yeah, we can say he deserved that, but that doesn't mean it wasn't any less painful and that he didn't suffer through all that humiliation and constantly being reminded that he isn't unbeatable, that he's weak.

And he also had his fair share of panic attacks, more than most of the others. He was humiliated and his weakness was shown for the whole world to see when he got kidnapped, and had to experience everyone believing that he could turn into a villain when his whole life was basically about how much he wanted to be a hero. And if we look back at how many times we've seen him cry, which is also more than most of the others, then it's a lot, especially for a person who is supposed to be someone who doesn't cry, who always remains strong. Yet he was the one that always broke down, that had to deal with the most inner turmoil in the span of that one year, which must have been a hell of a hard time of suffering for him after years and years of suppressing those emotions.

In the beginning of the manga, he started off as someone egoistic with a superior complex who would never ever admit that he was wrong, and by the end of it we got someone who apologized out of his own will. For someone like the person that he was, to even consider, yet alone want to apologize, on his own will, without anyone pushing him to do so, is a big fucking thing.

We forget the fact that these children have literally went through hell, emotionally, physically, mentally. They're just CHILDREN. Hell, Bakugo literally died, if that year wasn't traumatic enough for him. He had to experience what it feels like to lose someone important, first with All Might (the fact that he caused it adds even more to it), then losing Deku, then losing his OWN LIFE. And yes, he did lose Deku, because when he was in the hospital, the others literally told him that there's no way of knowing if Deku would even wake up or not. Do you guys have any idea how it would feel to hear THAT about someone you care about? That they might not even wake up? When you haven't even apologized about everything that you have done to him, haven't come clean about your past to him?

Yeah no, shit, I know it must have terrified Bakugo like hell. Then he ended up losing Deku again when Deku left UA to begin his Vigilante Arc. He left without saying goodbye after Bakugo thought he might lose him, now tell me that isn't painful enough as it is.

This guy went through fucking hell, people should stop throwing so much shit on him. He's been broken to the point that he basically became an entire different person than who he was. And I don't care that he told Izuku to jump, because he is not that person anymore, and not just because he apologized. No, that person has been beaten down rough, left broken, alone, confused and in pain, not understanding his own feelings. The person that he used to be was beaten down and left so broken, that he couldn't be built back into the same person anymore. He went through trauma after trauma, went through all kind of emotional turmoil, pain, anguish, shock, humiliation, guilt, remorse, and worst of all, he died, losing his life at just 16 years old.

He came back to life NOT the same person that he was. Not the same heart, not the same feelings. Whether you understand it or not, that guy is not the Bakugou Katsuki that he used to be, and he never will be. All that anger, that shell around his heart has been broken into millions of pieces, leaving only this pure and sensitive soul who has gone through too much pain to comprehend.

Trauma changes you, it makes you become a completely new person. Bakugou Katsuki died in the war, and it's Bakugou Kacchan who came back to life and survived to live on.

[kinki-cami]

Yknow im split again on whether or not i would want the affini to exist

Because honestly, truely, if i could literally just have basically star trek with pretty much infinite ethical food, slay but also if it was just like me and my like 8 neighbors (making 10 total people) i wouldnt mind, like just nature and chilling

Cause lets be honest, if you were sad in any way shape or form, even if its simply "i want to go take a 5 hour walk in a real forest" the affini would probably just be like "oh petal dont be sad" and inject you with (i can never remember the class names but i know what they do so) what is essential dopamine/serotonin, and youre pretty much removed of any individuality which. Suuucks. Especially for someone like myself who pretty much never had an opportunity to fully express myself.

Now dont get me wrong i LOVE identity death BUT i wouldnt wanna be erased, instead id rather just be trapped into a paradise of my own making in my mind. Like. I can look at whats happening to my body, buuutttt for the most part i just get to experience things i wanted to but never had the opportunity to, hell, {in the ben sharpiro talks about banning luigi from ssbu meme voice} lets say, hyypothetically, luigi grabs you- kidding! No lets say this scenario did happen, if the affini in charge of me pretty much told my replacement if any trauma was effecting that paradise to tell them and theyd deal with it, that would be even better bc i think i do have trauma considering every fictional character I've ever made that i would use another character that represented me to talk to, ""my"" ""friends"" (the fictional characters) always resent ""me"" (the character that represents me) in some way always using an annoyed tone

So yknow if i were to just exist as essentially a repressed thing in the back of my mind but i have my own little world i get to interact with back there while physical me is completely otherwise braindead from the affini, then i wouldnt mind, but yeah as it stands, uhh yeah i dont like 24/7 bdsm relationships, i want there to be a seperation between sexual me and normal me, especially since there already is a massive divide in that form, only really noticeable in private vs public and edged vs finished

And otherwise if i was in the hdg world and didnt have that option, you know the moment i was left alone after being captured by an affini and they didnt say that theyd do that, id be dead on the floor, probably crying as i die bc i wouldnt know a very good way to die, bc presumably humanity would have found a cure to diabetes by then, i mean considering it might happen by 2026 uhh i could also just inject myself with a lethal amount of insulin and go peacefully although probably panicked, otherwise, assuming theres no non oxygen, non carbon dioxide gas on the ship, yeah i would probably die a pretty painful yet pretty fast death, crying the whole way there bc fuck if i have to chose to basically watch myself lose myself, death, or trapped in my own mind but i dont know i am i would take option 3... unless thats unavailable, then i would take option 2

Now would they try to keep me alive? Yeah probably but then again you cant really recover a stab to the heart, neck, and lungs, or a hanging, or insulin with about 20 minutes of wait time so yknow

Idfk why im talking about this im depressed as FUCK right now but I'm also being real about if i was in that situation because... yeahhhhh but yeah uhh this is definitely a combo of saying "hey heres my solution!" And "fuck i have horrible thoughts i dont want in my head right now i dont know how to get them out without fucking doing something l Iike fucking finding sone way to cut myself, drink alcohol, or literally have enough fucking energy to get up, which i dont have that energy right now sooo yeah uhh fucking no ones going to read this haha its WAYYYYY too late so like 95% of people who follow me arent online and like , lets be real who the fuck is going to like a post about "oh if i was given the chance to remove all ambitions i had in life to just live in pleasure or do that but its all fake OR kill myself, i would kill myself" like. Thats fucked up. And also now that i think about it its like that comic about the time traveler who goes to the future and is given a choice to continue on her journey or experience eternal pleasure as you hallucinate the things you love and are constantly injected with dopamine and she never leaves and it shows basically everyone doing the same thing sooo uhhh yeah good luck finding THIS post sherlock, i doubt even BATMAN could find this post

[system-of-a-feather]

Hi, I saw a post Ray made about inner worlds and part of it was about inner world trauma/abuse. As a part in a system who's grappling with that kind of thing right now, do you have any advice or suggestions or insights you could share about addressing and processing them specifically? Is there really even much of a difference in approach, considering at their core they mirror/reflect/obscure/etcetera and connect to external events? (I just talked with our therapist about the internal stuff for the first time today, and we're doing a EMDR-adjacent thing called ART next session to hopefully help me jumpstart processing, so this is more a 'what worked for you all; what might be worth trying -- safely! -- on my own/under watch of the therapist?' question. I hope that makes sense?) Thanks in advance. I hope you feel okay answering this question, and please don't feel obligated to answer at all. (I did read your boundaries page-- if this oversteps I'm sorry, and I apologize.)

Oh man was that an old post of ours if I'm correctly thinking of the situation that had me talking about that back then. Honestly, I don't really think there is anything of a huge difference in how processing for that works beyond the sort of "meta" challenges which are the "well this isn't real so (a lot of self invalidation / reasons to deny self the space to really feel and processes the emotions around it)" that don't really exist when it is a trauma that physically happened.

In that sense, I think the only real key thing to keep in mind for that is to honestly honor it and treat it with the sensitivity that you would a trauma that happened outside of the inner world ESPECIALLY in the privacy of your own thoughts, life and therapy sessions.

One can argue being a little more cautious when in public spaces as a respect thing especially if the trauma is """more extreme""" than what you experienced; I personally have mixed feelings about that notion, but that's a matter of opinion and at the end of the day, when it comes to public spaces we go on the principle of "say what will allow you to sleep at night and what you are secure standing by".

At the end of the day, denying yourself your genuine emotions and feelings of hurt and pain towards something is really a way to let it control you and to keep it around longer. Finding a safe space internally and - if possible - externally to give those feelings, even if 'silly' 'cringe' or 'not real', will go a mile in helping move forward and heal from it.

Honestly, other parts have processed some of "the actual trauma that happened" because I know what trauma got interpreted into my inner world trauma, but I honestly never actually went back to The Actual Trauma as much as I just processed what 'my trauma' was.

I don't think, even if I wanted to and tried my hardest, I could turn what I experienced internally, to relate to my sister because as far as I am aware (or more accurately, feel) my sister has literally no relevance to me or my life. Yes I know the trauma and dynamic that I had with an old part of ours was that way BECAUSE of what our sister was doing with us and that the dynamic heavily mirrored the Actual Dynamic we had with her, but as Ray I never really paid attention to her or really gave a shit about her so I really genuinely can't find myself emotionally invested in all that.

Even so, I did process the hurt I had with the part that followed a similar pattern and it did a lot of healing for me and - as a result - everyone in the system / the whole as well, so like..

Honestly, TLDR, the main thing is to just approach it without judgement and give it the respect it deserves as a genuine trauma, cause it is genuine real trauma even if its proceeded and experienced in a weird way.

[courtkossai]

some thoughts on discernment - is this shift , or crisis ?

this is not and never will be full guide to every possible medical reason , but , want to share some of discernment practises and questions for those who might have less experience .

as well , kossai write this as guide for one to evaluate self - not as tool for others to armchair diagnose . please do not harass strangers with these questions .

for any shift type .

think about what possibly trigger . maybe that is very clear , or maybe need to retrace steps . is this trigger consistent ? keep log if necessary . if there is no consistent trigger despite reoccurrence , or only ever come on once , please treat this as yellow flag . 

second , how much is this experience comfort , and how much is this experience stressful ? if stress equal or outweigh comfort , why is this ? sometimes experiences can be stressful for outside factors , like worry of others witness in mental shift , but other times that stress is directly from experience . 

mental shifts .

do this state of mind bring total emotional crash at any time before , during , or after ? 

if this state of mind cloud judgment and/or impulse control , how severe is this ? if potentially fatal impulses enter mind , how high is chance of follow through ?

if ever experience loss of language or comprehension during state of mind , what is chance this was some form of stroke ? some strokes can be fairly silent , but still leave with big problems .

stroke risk or not , big red flag if come out of experience with new cognitive difficulties , especially without recovery or improvement .

is there any yellow or red flags in family medical history , such as bipolar disorder , schizophrenia , or anything which impede blood flow and function ?

is there any yellow or red flags in personal medical history , such as brain injuries , or anything in previous point ?

phantom shifts in general .

where and what is this phantom sensation ? how real do this sensation feel ?

what is impact of this phantom sensation ? is this comfort ? why or why not ? 

is there any visual component to this sensation ? what type , and how strong ? some folks do go through visualisation work , but if this come without prior experience in visualisation , consider this yellow to red flag .

phantom shifts with pain .

how strong is this pain ? often phantom shift is not source of pain , but may seem to explain by coincidence - especially true if this pain is strong .

do this pain correspond with current medical diagnoses or known family history ? for example , phantom wings , back pains , and family history of scoliosis . 

sometimes pain is ambiguous in origin , or refer in other places entirely - organs especially can be hard , since there is no way to see these . is any of this pain coincidentally around organs , or refer in ways organ pains might ?

sensory / perception shifts . 

these shifts do not necessarily mean literal change in sensory ability - rather could be another form of mental shift , changes in how mind categorise and react . for example here , scent shift is not literal super smell , but rather mind seek out and tune into scents that might normally gloss over . 

still , sometimes there is ambiguity , or difficulty rather than apparent gain . in these cases , would say treat any changes in sensory ability as yellow to red flag . this means any new difficulties in ability to see , hear , smell , taste , or feel physical sensations . tragedies like brain tumours do not play around , even if this is least likely of causes . 

to bring this all around with example …

kossai have periods of " low human filter " , which might consider cousin term to mental shift . kossai can purposefully induce this , and help to release stress . still hold onto judgment and impulse control during these , bar some minor social impulses , and slightly more wacky artistic endeavours . there is no crash at any point , and experiences relieve rather than bring stress - so overall , this is pretty safe . 

someone who feel distress during or after experiences , though , might want to look into triggers more carefully and find ways to manage . especially true if these experiences bring feelings of inability to hurt or to die , lack of appetite , impair vital judgment or impulse control , or otherwise feel likely at risk of injury or death without management . 

finally , please note .

some of these questions come from roots in mental health , others come from physical problems , and some even can be either or . kossai is not doctor of any sort and can not say what best management is , not even if give full details of personal experience . still , if nothing else , please reach out to friends and communities and get more opinions . 

as for fellow community members , if someone reach out with experience that is potentially of concern , for either physical or mental health , please treat with kindness - and once again , do not use these questions to harass others . hostility and refusal of autonomy still will not help . 

[vxsellie]

okokok so ik i JUST posted about hozier, but i have another song to yap about while i'm here

and idc what anybody says bc 'in the woods somewhere' is a literary fucking masterpiece and deserves to be talked about

it's a story of grief and mourning, depicting the narrator learning to live his life again without his lover in it. it's written in a way that's easy to understand, yet still poetic and symbolic, leaving a mark on anyone who takes the time to actually understand what this genius of a man is trying to say

"my head was warm, my skin was soaked, i called your name 'til the fever broke. when i awoke, the moon still hung, the night so black that the darkness hummed."

the first few lines paint a picture of grief as well as the sorrow that follows it. the narrator is lost and in pain because he'd succumbed to a fever that was caused by his own lack of care for himself.

he wakes in the middle of the night, which shows that all this misery that he'd been enduring is all very small in the grand scheme of things. it's one thing to endure all this for days on end. but it's a whole separate thing to go through pain and suffering only to find out its only been a few hours.

"i raised myself, my legs were weak, i prayed my mind be good to me."

this is simply more description on how poorly he's doing. before, it was showing his health in a mental sense. now, however, the song is going on to depict how this ignorance toward himself is effecting his body in a physical sense as well.

"an awful noise filled the air. i heard a scream, in the woods somewhere."

i feel like this bit is self explanatory. he woke in the middle of the night, tormented by memories of whoever he's mourning (the person whose name they were screaming in the beginning) and now we know that he's also in the middle of the woods ???

him being in the woods can be symbolic to his lack of awareness for the world around him amid his time of grief, but it can also be in a literal sense ⎯ which is the one that i'll be diving into

"a woman's voice. i quickly ran, into the trees with empty hands."

this is the HUUUUUGE turning point for the narrator's character.

somebody who is grief stricken would normally sleep their days away and let themselves feel nothing but the pain that they believe they deserve. clearly, the narrator is no acceptation to this. we don't know how long he'd been wasting away ⎯ allowing their fever to get worse and their legs to grow weak. though, if anyone were to guess, it's likely been a long time.

now he suddenly hears somebody scream in the distance. and, without a second thought nor a moment of hesitation, he runs directly into the woods without any weapon or means to protect himself.

i feel like this shows how much he truly doesn't care for his health or his life at all, as most people wouldn't run toward danger so impulsively. or if they were to, they'd at least bring something for defense.

but the fact that our narrator didn't goes to show his lack of interest for his own wellbeing ⎯ which is telling, considering he still clearly cares for others around him (hence him running toward danger simply bc someone screamed & might need his help).

"a fox it was. he shook, afraid, i spoke no words. no sound he made."

mic drop.

he heard a woman's scream and ran towards it despite his fever, his weak legs, and his lack of, well, health in general. he did all this only to learn that it's not a woman. it's a fox.

the two creatures ⎯ man and for ⎯ stare at one another, not a single noise being made by either of them.

i like to think that the narrator is seeing himself in the fox for this verse. the way it's staring at him with scared eyes, shaking with fear. there's no way he's looking at it without at least a little bit of recognition, knowing how it feels to be so lost and alone, seeing as he was in that same boat only moments ago.

"his bone exposed, his hind was lame. i rose a stone, to end his pain."

the narrator now sees how awful the fox's situation is. bone exposed, the song says. this means it's likely covered in blood and nearing it's death. in other words, the animal that the narrator could see himself in? it's dying. quite symbolic if i do say so myself ⎯ the fox acting as a mirror for the man to see himself through the eyes of an outsider. and what's the first thing he does when he sees the pure misery of the fox? seek to put the poor thing out of it.

the awareness of there similarities would normally push someone to treat the animal with kindness ⎯ to at least try to help it live. but our narrator knows better. living on when one doesn't want to is oftentimes worse than dying, because you likely already feel dead.

"what caused the wound? how large the teeth? i saw new eyes were watching me."

this verse shows that he's now not just seeing the animal as a random creature. he's pondering and wondering what hurt it and why.

then, he realizes that the animal that hurt the fox isn't yet gone. it's watching him. this is a simple verse ⎯ wondering why the fox was hurt, then turning and seeing the animal that hurt it.

but nothing by hozier is simple, there's always an underlying message. here, i think the message is that the narrator is the new prey. he's now being put in the position that the fox was just in ⎯ parallel to how the fox is in the pained position that the narrator was just in.

"the creature lunged, i turned and ran, to save a life i didn't have."

okay. now this?

THIS?

this is where it's proven that the narrator is experiencing some character development.

at the beginning, he was rotting away in the soil of some random woods, not caring for his health, wellbeing, or life at all. he didn't give a single fuck whether or not he would die - hence why he's sleeping in the center of the woods with no means of protection on him.

but as soon as this allegedly meaningless life is in danger or put at stake, he now desperately want to save himself. he's trying to save his own life. one that he wasn't sure he even had to begin with.

"deer in the chase, there as i flew. forgot all prayers of joining you."

okay okay okay. bare with me here.

hozier, the man that you are. they could never make me hate you. and this is why.

see, the idea that the narrator was now the prey is confirmed here. he very blatantly compares himself to a deer ⎯ an animal that's known for being prey to those larger than it. he fled the scene like a deer. like prey. like the fox.

"forgot all prayers of joining you" is such an insanely heavy line that i cannot even try and fit it all in here. i could yap forever on it.

we already knew that he wanted to die. we already knew that he nearly killed the thing that he saw as himself [the fox]. we already knew that he was mourning someone.

but here it is, laid out bare and comprehensible.

the narrator had prayed to join his lover, thereby having prayed to die. but now, when it actually comes down to it, he's fighting to live.

"i clutched my life and wished it kept. my dearest love, i'm not done yet."

ASJHDAJSHGDKAHSDHJAS

him clutching his life just shows how painfully desperate he is to live. to not die. he's holding it the way he (should have) held a weapon to defend himself. but due to his previous ignorance for his own life, he now has no way to save this life.

he can do naught but wish. it. kept.

the fact that he's wishing for their life to continue when we just learned that he had wished for it to end??? that's fucking unreal. like. what.

the bolded line is my absolute favorite hozier lyric to exist. there's so many beautiful lyrics that andrew has written and so many that i absolutely adore & could yap about forever, but nothing compares to that line. nothing compares to the first time i registered what it meant and how extremely fucking insane it is.

because. the narrator is not apologizing to his lover, he's simply informing them that he now wishes to live.

but he could have said "i want to live" which would be more simple and much more easy for people to understand. he also could have said "i don't want to die" which, again, would be so much easier to comprehend.

instead, he say "i am not done yet" and i think that wording is so powerfully heavy as it appeals to the idea that more is to come. more bad things are inevitably to present themselves in his life. and, despite that, he wishes to continue.

"how many years i know i'll bear i found something in the woods somewhere."

he then goes on to say that the remaining years of his life will be a burden. he will 'bear' them. he won't live them, because he never said that he wishes to be happy. he simply doesn't wish to die any longer than he already had felt dead.

he says that he found something that day. he found life.

also, this is irrelevant, but i love the fact that the song ended on with the title, but didn't begin with it. because their life started at the end of the song, not at the beginning.

[seeminglyseph]

There’s…. Something. In the fact that like in Polyphemus;

A trade, you see? A gift from you and a gift from me

where Odysseus sort of. in one case he is being extremely presumptuous of Polyphemus' intelligence and generosity by sort of... hoping he can set either set the value of the sheep and barter it down from blood to wine, without taking the actual truth of the barter into consideration "trespassing and murder, a violation of hospitality of a powerful being who is childlike, but not stupid. Who is monstrous but prideful as the son of a god."

Odysseus views Polyphemus as someone he can look down on because Odysseus has been a King At War for the past decade, and Polyphemus is a non-citizen monstrosity. like. he's a physical threat at the moment but politically Odysseus has been providing for his men by raiding and pillaging for 10 years. In his head he's a raiding king and this shepherd should be grateful for having his life spared. The original Odyssey is being told about and to people in the act of colonial expansion and war and it asked its audience simply to consider the concept of. like. When your armies go to war and raid villages and stuff for food, killing and enslaving the people. Whose children are they? What will their children become? (And hey, it's still a valid story worth telling today, who knew, that's why they call 'em the classics!)

it's kind of present in the whole treatment of Polyphemus and the Cyclops Saga as a whole. He goes on a raiding party, shoots first and asks questions later, presumes to set a value on what he damaged, presumes that the agreement is settled based on his own statement of it, then presumes his own act of mercy will be enough to undo the acts of hostility he's already taken, and the breaches of hospitality he has committed that need to be answered for. Like he might have maybe almost declared war with the "I am the reigning king of Ithaca... ...Odysseus!" thing. like. you're lucky the price was named at 600, honestly? I don't. Remember how the Odyssey ends. But like. you literally could have declared Ithaca at war with Poseidon and like. Girliepop you live on an island.

It presents again kind of and is like... kind of directly called out in Ruthlessness multiple times because like Jorge fully knows what's up and that's a blast, and Ruthlessness is like. so much theme packed into one song that like. Truly. The most Villain Song to Ever Villain Song. Because it draws on every weakness and insecurity of our protagonist and pulls them up to the surface for everyone to see. And then we get that last Evil of Pandora's Jar and Poseidon offers to let it go with a full apology for the trespasses against his son. And

Poseidon, we meant no harm We only hurt him to disarm him We took no pleasure in his pain We only wanted to escape

Odysseus lies, technically. In Odysseus' memory the crime they committed was attacking and blinding Polyphemus, so it makes sense, probably Poseidon is upset about Polyphemus being injured, Odysseus is constantly thinking about his son and going home, and Poseidon asked for an apology for his pain and cries so in his head, the first offense is when Polyphemus attacked them and they had to defend themselves to save their lives. He has fully failed to factor in the concept that he has trespassed on Poseidon's son's home and killed his sheep and caused him to grieve, then given him a poisoned wine and attempted to kill him when a price has been demanded in return for the violation of hospitality committed against him.

Odysseus has not reached a point where he considers Polyphemus something on a level of respect high enough that he could have some kind of hospitality to be respected. Odysseus is still a conqueror who breached the impenetrable walls of Troy. He'd seen sons of gods die horrible deaths in the last ten years. I feel like life feels wrong a million times over??? But he's entirely wrong in the scope of Poseidon's rage and sense of justice. Because some things are obligations as much as they are about compassion.

like. You trespassed against Polyphemus and left a calling card, Polyphemus went to his father to request a price be paid in blood for the trespasses that were done to him, Poseidon must honour this request made by his son or he will be known not to punish those who trespass against him and those who are his family or followers. If he cannot punish those who trespass against his own, then he cannot defend himself and is weak and unworthy of respect. He cannot allow the possibility of this disrespect to foster, for if he ask something great of his followers he needs them to give without question, knowing that he will defend them from others who would trespass upon them. Like the mob I guess? They are swimming with the shark now. oh no

so I feel like Odysseus' trait as a Trickster Hero is honestly what bites him, if he had been like. a traditionally noble King he might have been able to talk his way out of this, theoretically. If he had stopped escalating. because further trespasses require further payment.

Also this last bit is wild speculation but if Odysseus trespasses upon Poseidon's son and declares himself and his kingdom and Athena did not cut ties with him, would it create like. the god equivalent of like. fucking international incident? Poseidon and Athena go to war because her Warrior of the Mind doxxed himself in Sicily.

Anyway I need to stop typing now.

[candycainforrest]

Now, I'm not saying that Jax is a perfect little angel, he's a dick and such and that's being acknowledged here.

Now with that out of the way:

I see a lot of people in every comment section talking about why they don't like Ragatha or why Ragatha isn't literally perfect say something about Jax throwing her in the deep fryer, hitting Gangle with a softball, etc. All the physical nonsense.

Now, does Jax bully people emotionally? Yes. But we're not talking about that today because I'd like to point out how those are separate issues.

And then people ask "how is Ragatha worse?" as if that... matters (look, two characters are both allowed to be flawed and discussed together and separately without one being "worse" than the other). But honestly? Ragatha might not be worse, but she's certainly not better IN MY OPINION.

People can't die in the circus. They can get hurt. But they can't die. People CAN abstract in the circus. They can get hurt emotionally and freak out so hard they stop existing as a normal person, this is the closest thing to death they can experience. That's why Kinger says that the worst thing you can do is make someone feel like they're not wanted or loved.

Ragatha is always being positive and helpful, and that's a great thing to be until people start questioning whether or not you actually care about them or if you just want them to like you without you liking them, or if you're really being honest in your positivity. When that happens, as Gangle expressed it did, the constant positivity becomes meaningless and kind of hurtful because it reminds you that the relationships you forge here, the thing generally standing between people and abstraction because that's where a lot of them find emotional security, might be as artificial as the circus itself.

Remember Kafmo? He went insane because he found an exit and really wanted to leave- AND no one believed him! I personally believe that Kafmo might not have abstracted if people took the time to believe him and look into what he was saying, but instead he felt unappreciated and foolish. On top of that:

No one liked his jokes, which was the barrier between him and staying sane: people appreciating him for what he did and who he was.

You can't afford that kind of dishonesty, intentional or not, so when people are given reason to think you might not be honest when you, say, give them a compliment- whether or not you mean it- that becomes an actual danger to them.

And it's not just Gangle that sees this in Ragatha, it's also Jax and MAYBE Pomni too! Which means that it's putting everyone a little closer to abstraction- Ragatha included because the poor girl is unintentionally isolating herself too.

So, yes, Jax threw her in the deep fryer. And he generally sucks as a person, I'm willing to admit that. I couldn't not admit that, it's his whole character. But he's consistent in who he is, and he can be trusted to be largely honest about whether or not he likes you. I think not having to play that mental game with someone, whether or not they're intentionally doing this (because Ragatha would never hurt people on purpose, she's an actual sweetheart), is better for you than possibly false positivity. And I also think that the mental damage from that could be worse than or comparable to, say, hunting people and biting them.

The emotional stress it causes to be constantly questioning what's arguably the most important thing in the circus, relationships, could be worse than being hurt when someone throws a bowling ball at you.

I actually think I like Ragatha a lot more since she became interesting with her flaws, and it'd do wonders for our understanding of her character if we could properly acknowledge them and contextualize them. We can't judge people with the moral standards of the real world because they're not in the real world- a lot of the time in real life physical pain is considered to be worse than emotional pain, but that doesn't hold up in this setting, and we can't compare the two based on our personal experiences because the setting of the show works completely differently, and that's WHY it's one of my favorite pieces of media out there.

Also, apologies for the poor writing quality, this more a "word vomit your stream of consciousness" than it is a professional essay.

[cosmichorrorsarestillnicerthanme]

Artoria Caster X Reader

Requested by Sharnout on Ao3

Artoria Caster, first and foremost, will always tell you and only exactly what she wants and needs.

She doesn’t put on a brave face with you.

She doesn’t lie about what she feels like knowing what her future is going to be.

With you the mask she wears is placed to the side, and her truest feelings and fears are laid bare.

Her fear of failing the people who truly need her.

Her fear of what will happen after she fulfills her purpose.

Her fear of the responsibility that will inevitably come to her.

And because of this, you are the only person in the world, including Artoria herself, who truly knows what makes Artoria, Artoria.

Her ability to continue onward, no matter how much she stumbles, now matter how much she falls.

That being said.

This girl needs adult supervision at all times so she doesn’t burn the house or world down trying to make something for you, and no Oberon doesn’t count.

She’s very affectionate in private, however PDA isn’t something she really knows how to do nor is it something she’s entirely comfortable with aside from a side hug or linking fingers briefly.

Not to mention that physical affection, while a big part of how she shows her love, isn’t her main way of doing it.

That, for better or for worse, goes to acts of service and gifts.

I say for better or for worse because she will go to the literal ends of time and space for you.

For example if you offhandedly mentioned something that would be nice to have that’s old or an artifact of some sort, Artoria will activate her british skills, and just *Yoink* that bitch to give it to you, regardless of what happened to get it.

Luckily, you know Oberon.

Unluckily, you know Oberon.

But time to get back on track.

Artoria might be a bit pessimistic at times but that’s something to be expected considering her life, but if you manage to pull her away to somewhere for a moment and give her a little peck it’ll for one, completely shut her down even if it was only on the cheek, and two give her a ton of energy that will cancel out her pessimism, even if only for the day.

Because of this you are the first person Artoria turns to whenever she wants to “Plan” something, which she only ever does when she’s nervous and scared.

That means you and her “Plan” things out a lot.

In summary, you are a guidepost and rock for Artoria, a haven where she can be herself without fear or concern for who might see her, and because of that she will go to extremes to try and pay you back for simply existing and being with her, and no matter what you say to her this is unlikely to change, so keep her close so you can keep an eye on her, keep her loved so you can try and fix the pain her life has caused her, and most importantly, tell her the truth, tell her your honest opinion, tell her that no matter what happens you’ll always be in her corner.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Sorry for how short it is, while in the middle of finishing this up a gas leak decided to happen, everything's fine I just have a massive headache and couldn't find the force of will to make it any longer, if any of you need me I'm going to be taking a nap.

[backjustforberena]

Hi! I've been reflecting on whether Corlys feels guilty about Rhaenys, especially considering how things were between them in their final days. Steve suggests that, even though Corlys doesn't openly admit it, he's aware that their relationship was falling apart and that he bears responsibility for it. This makes me wonder if Rhaenys' death, without having resolved their issues, leaves Corlys feeling guilty and perhaps blaming himself for not doing more. I find it hard to answer because Rhaenys is my favorite character, and I don't empathize with Corlys enough to understand his perspective. I'd love to hear someone else's thoughts on this.

Guilt wouldn't be the first word that springs to mind when I think about Corlys's thoughts on Rhaenys's death. The circumstances that led up to Rhaenys's death have nothing to do with him and it's no failure on his part or contribution on his part that led up to her death. He didn't let her down, he didn't make her go, he didn't have the power to stop her going and there's nothing within his ability that could have prevented her from dying in that battle. He couldn't have changed anything.

For me, his reaction to her death, such as we've seen it so far, is just because he's lost the love of his life and the last real pillar of his life. She was the reason for a lot of his motivations and his actions and happiness. I don't think it's any more complicated than that, and I don't think it needs to be. It's just devastating for him. It's destabilising. It's painful.

We don't know how Rhaenys and Corlys leave things between each other. A last scene between them, and a goodbye, is something we don't get from the episode and we have no information to inform us, concretely, what a goodbye might have looked like. The last on-screen words they speak to one another is the dock scene, with Alyn. But the last on-screen interaction are those Black Council meetings, where he shows up for her and sticks with her for at least a day or two, being by her side until Rhaenyra returns.

I no doubt think Corlys probably feels a lot of regret about the relationship. It's not ideal or what he wanted. It's certainly not what she wanted either. But so much of that fracture is that it's just beginning. To me, at least, it's like they haven't even started fighting: there's no hatred or fire or anger or any sense of cathartic exorcism from either party. They haven't been honest because both of them are deeply fragile and deeply vulnerable, and circumstances are (with the war and with various other factors) that they can't talk about it. They keep going on and turning away from each other because they think turning away from each other is going to maintain the strength or allow them to gain the strength needed to fight this war and then (possibly) tackle the issues. And it's also going to keep their partner from hurting.

It's not just Corlys's habits that are breaking them, though he is the major one at fault (especially with Alyn but honestly, that secret is so minor in the grand scheme of those four episodes, to me - it's not the root cause, it's just a contributing factor i.e Corlys's evasiveness and Rhaenys's walls). It's both of them not feeling able to rely on each other, for the sake of the other one.

Corlys has literally come back from the brink. He's broken, grieving and a bit lost, as well as physically depleted and unwell. Rhaenys cannot lean on him like she used to or like she might want to because she's too busy worrying about him and viewing him as fragile. He's got enough on his plate, you could say, and some of that is because she's convinced him to throw in their lot with this fight and so he's got the Fleet to muster and, now, an heir to mourn. So, she sucks it up. She looks after him, she looks after everyone, she puts her head down and gets on with the job of patrolling and going to council meetings and supporting Rhaenyra and she never actually says what she needs from him. She doesn't show him how much he's hurting because she loves him. Oh, the irony.

Meanwhile, Corlys knows he's mucked up. He knows he's less than the man she deserves (which he is consistently reminded of thanks to Alyn's proximity), and less than able to be what she needs. He knows that he's an invalid. He knows that he left for six years and she's had to be incredibly strong. He knows that he's not good at facing death and yet is having to, possibly for the first time, really mourn and stick with it rather than running away. Even on a practical sense, what Rhaenys needs right now is a pillar of strength, an asset in the war, a warrior and the Fleet to be in top condition. Meeting her practical needs is far easier for Corlys to grasp so he looks to building his Fleet back up, he shows up to that Black Council, he holds her and reassures her that he's feeling better etc etc.

But he's pulling away because he doesn't want to be found lacking. He hasn't got answers to questions she wants to put to bed (like about heirs) and he doesn't want to contemplate any more death and see her struggle and see her worry. I think he absolutely sees that she's carrying so much and the easiest way for him to reconcile that is to try and NOT be something else for her to carry. And that means evading her, in case she spies that vulnerability and thinks she can't rely on him. Which... doesn't work because he is just pulling away from her!

I think Corlys thinks they have more time. I genuinely think that he was expecting some point (and it may have been just there, right before she dies, when he shows up for her), when he's physically recovered and his ships is all fixed and he's feeling himself again, at which he'd be able to take it all on. Everything with Rhaenys and for Rhaenys. Where he'd feel strong enough and steady enough and healthy enough and tough enough to be what she needed. To earn her. Be worthy of the love that she does give him, and show the love that he has for her in a way that is constructive enough to heal a rift that's just starting to widen.

The problem with being someone's rock is that you can't be someone's rock if you're not feeling rock-steady. And neither Corlys or Rhaenys were feeling rock-steady, and their partner knew it.

So, going back to your original ask, I don't think Corlys feels guilt, specifically. I think he just feels loss. And regret that they didn't have more time. And a sense of the unfairness of it all. I don't think it's any more nuanced than that.

[oddaesthetin]

“you’re a stupid, stupid man.” brows furrowed, hands on hips, you stand firmly just in front of the hospital room door. “people call you clever, even the mafia boss considers you scary, but no no, they’re very wrong cause i really think you’re an idiot.”

the pout on dazai’s face grew even bigger, but you knew better than to believe that facade. before he could say anything, you sighed and harshly combed your hair. the man sitting on the bed just watched as you try hard to calm yourself down. the last thing you wanna do to the stabbed man was to insult him and add salt to his injury, quite literally, even more.

“you were perfectly aware yosano would not be able to treat you, correct?”

with the fake pout still on, he scratched his face. “i guess, i might have, just quite, known a little bit.”

“and yet, after the warnings i gave you, you went on and got yourself almost killed.” you sighed again, “were the past action scenes becoming a bit boring to you already and you’re now trying to entangle yourself in people who are absolutely, more physically and naturally capable than you?”

he removed his eyes on you and lied down, then proceeded to turn his back as if hinting he’s hurt and doesn’t wanna talk to you anymore. “i don’t like being scolded by a pretty woman. it makes me look uncool.”

feeling petty, you muttered. “joke’s on you cause you never looked cool anyway.”

which was the perfect response that made him snap from the previous position and looked at you annoyingly. you weren’t that dumb either to not notice how he winced after the sudden movement, clearly reflecting how he’s still in pain and is really just trying his best to look cool.

“how can you not spare the sick man some of your caring side, brains. i thought partners are supposed to care about each other?”

with the second combing of your hair, you sighed again, and finally decided to let your pride go and went close to the bandaged man. he’s gotten you far too soft for him already to try to resist, especially now that he looks this helpless and desperate. you sat on the clear space he provided on his bed.

“stop calling me ‘brains’ you stupid bandage-squandering-machine,” you replied, staring into the air.

at least now you’re relieved he’s fine and functional. said the little voice inside your head.

to be honest, you don’t know what to say anymore which was in contrast to what you were expecting to happen earlier. your fear was far too strong than anger while you were on your way here. but then again, he’s dazai. nothing really affects him. or so he would like to believe.

little did you know tho, it was not just you who became soft. with the silence growing even louder, it is without your notice that the sick man beside you also grew even more concerned if you’re in fact, very seriously angry.

“oi, brains. you mad?” the sick man spoke again. the question remained greeted with silence.

it’s not like you don’t want to answer him, you just don’t know what to answer him. you’re also far too smart to tell him you were scared because again, he’s dazai. he’s smart, and he’s probably expected this already long before it happened. it just bothers you how he can easily offer himself to pain. how casually he let himself be the bait of his own plans, even after knowing there’s you, and other people worrying about him. even after noticing how much change he’s gone into, mentally speaking.

a sudden cold feeling covered your hand. your attention shifted from the air to the chilly hand that’s now covering yours. you looked at his face and noticed the mix of cluelessness and worry in his eyes. you snapped back to reality and blew a breath for the nth time.

“do you wanna stay at my place when you get out of here tomorrow?” you bursted.

taken a back, he answered. “really?” you looked mad just earlier.

“yes. you’re weak, and clearly in pain. you can’t stay alone in your apartment cause we both know you’ll resort to drinking sake and tuna instead of actually eating real food and taking care of yourself. besides…,” you trailed off, “it’s kind of my responsibility as your girlfriend to take care of you.”

the weak man laughed heartily. the mischief now back in his eyes. never in his life did he expect himself to feel this happy and excited about having someone taking care of him. a very beautiful someone. for so long it was just him and his darkness. and to think he used to be sure he knows himself wholly before you came into his life.

“my, my, i guess i’m really that pitiful looking to make you worry about me that bad, huh?”

“yes, but there’s a catch.” you smirked. “i only have one room, and i don’t wanna sleep with a stabbed man so you’d have to sleep in the living room.”

all the happiness and smug he was feeling very obviously escaped his spirit as he let you finish your sentence. it was like giving a kid candy and taking it back after a mere second. it was bullying. he was sure of that.

“but, y/n, you see, i’m sick. it’s actually my hospital bed your sitting on right now. shouldn’t you be the one sleeping on the sofa instead?” the taunting continues, still letting off a smile that was obviously fake.

“what? no. it’s my house, it’s my rules.”

“then we should just stay at my apartment instead and you take care of me there!” he recommended very excitedly. inside his mind, he succeeded, because, yes. he is, indeed, dazai. and he’s expected this long before it happened. and yes, he knew right then he’d be willing to sacrifice himself to any pain if it means you’ll be there to ask him to stay with you and be taken care of by you.

he’s dazai, and he purposely got himself in trouble in order to be babied by you.

like??? i was half asleep when i wrote this. if its not for the note i wrote before i fully went into a slumber, i wouldve never known i wrote this.

THIS HAS NOT BEEN PROOFREAD YET

and i was actually not sure if i wanted to post it cause the plot was messy and is just full of ramblings but 🥲🥲 its kinda long im gunna feel bad if i let it go to waste

[uvobreakmylegs]

GEEZ this complete lamp of the body story was such an amazing and sinister read!

The two main theories I had going into Dark Light Within were either a) nightmares were caused by residue nen leftover in the eyes after the death of one of the kurta victims or b) nightmares caused by Chrollo himself tormenting reader for some unforeseen but necessary purpose (at the time I assumed, the suffocation might have been a troupe member or chrollo himself trying to pin down reader due to the process of implanting the eyes being potentially very painful and/or traumatic. And the reason the pain and nightmares kept continuing, I assumed, was due to Chrollo needing to constantly use nen or some convoluted/agonising procedure in order to make sure the eyes wouldn't 'reject' their new host since they're the body parts of such a unique and isolated ethnic group).

In the end, I was halfway right on both parts, but even so, I didn't expect the reason for Chrollo to be doing all this to be so callous. Because wow, this was definitely one of the cruelest Chrollo's fics out there! I was lulled into a sense of false security in part 1 due to how soothing and considerate he behaved (albeit still controlling and manipulative) but fuck, here? He was absolutely merciless; partly shown in how violently he fucked the reader, but ESPECIALLY in the way he deceives and violates her so deeply with literally zero remorse or regret during his POV. Like god, he's such a selfish bastard. The cheek! When I first read the line about him smiling after reader confirmed they'd never leave him, I definitely thought he'd felt genuine relief that she'd never abandon him. But lol, now? All I can think about is how smug and smarmy that smile must have been because his sneaky ass knew DAMN well how codependent reader was – he said it himself, he didn't even need Pakunoda to see how distressed she was without him. And yet, he had the gall to act like he was legitimately worried over her leaving him. Classic husband crying tears for sympathy when they abuse their spouse technique and he's not even ashamed about it.

And UGH... The fact he was so focused on the eyes when fucking reader... it really gave the impression he was objectifying her so deeply, roughly treating her like a breathing fleshlight in the pursuit of getting off to the radiance of the scarlet eyes, a body part that doesn't even belong to her, like her own actual physical beauty has diminished in the light of the kurta eyes next to them. Like her actual body was, at least in that moment, just a tool for Chrollo to indulge in an old unearthed obsession. The fact he so insidiously objectifies both this poor dead kurta clan victim AND reader, both subjects of his viciousness and abuse in completely different ways, and gets off to the fact that one of his murder victims is being forced into a form of intimacy with him after he literally snuffed them out... This poor kurta clan member can't receive any rest or peace or dignity even in death... Just horrible. Not to mention the fact he was completely unbothered by the fact that hunting for the eyes for so long was inducing so much pent up anxiety and stress in reader, especially considering she'd just suffered such a deeply isolating and traumatic accident. The fact he feels zero guilt in torturing/tormenting reader for months on end both awake and when she was asleep, completely vulnerable, even though the night terrors and panic attacks clearly traumatised and debilitated her. His callous usage of her for his own curiosity/sadistic pleasure escalates to the point he becomes so audacious he chokes her during a moment where she's genuinely lucid! He doesn't even care anymore that he's strangling her whilst she's wide awake! And the worst part is she's just too deferential towards him to legitimately confront it.

Which leads to the saddest person in the fic: poor poor reader. Honestly, when it comes to stories like this, I feel like people tend to believe aggressive readers that are combative and fight back are the ones who suffer the most since their obviously resistant behaviour tends to inspire rage in the yandere in question and severe punishment as a result. But I've always felt like readers such as this one, readers who are overly generous and submissive are amongst the most tragic of all, because by being so forgiving and boundary-less, they allow insatiable yanderes like Chrollo here, to take more and more and more of their dignity, their identity, their personhood... They're so profoundly mutilated from their own self-worth they just let things like this happen, their lack of sense of self/independence and the normalisation of their abuse is so ingrained it feels like even daring to fight for their own worth and dignity would be arrogant, selfish ... almost even petty. It's like watching a prey animal just lie down and do nothing whilst it's being eaten alive by a tiger, completely giving up on themselves and their own existence, giving in completely to the unrelenting oppressiveness of their environment. Though, having said all that... I do have to wonder if Chrollo may have shot himself in the foot here. Because those scarlet eyes still have nen in them, given how they interacted, if only fleetingly, with reader. I wonder if being attached to a living body now, and being activated to glow scarlet so often, especially by their own personal killer, will inspire that nen to grow, and lead to a subtle growing resentment/bloodthirstiness in reader that Chrollo won't see coming, especially from so 'servile' a victim. It would certainly be a very ironic and very deserved case of hubris if that were to happen, made even more poignant by the fact that it would be ushered into motion by one of Chrollo's past victims empowering the current. Like his victims are somehow uniting, empowering, uplifting each other, in whatever small ways they can, even after death, to gnaw at the chain of Chrollo's iron abuse.

Just amazing, I had a hell of a time reading this fic – left me thinking on ever since it was posted, thank you so so much <3 🩷❤️

First off, thank you so much for sending this! It was a lot of fun to read over all of your thoughts regarding my fic❤️❤️❤️

I had a lot of moments while writing this where I thought to myself of just how awful Chrollo was being to both reader and especially the unknown member of the Kurta Clan. You're absolutely correct when you say that they can't get any peace or dignity in death. Chrollo is just too selfish and greedy

Poor reader really should've stayed home that day and dealt with being a lil lonely while she waited for Chrollo to come back😭

I'm very glad that you enjoyed the fic! It always makes me happy to hear when people enjoy my work! And thank you again for this detailed message. It was very nice to see when I opened up my inbox today🥰🥰🥰