#with no influence from outside sources cause that's just not how things work ]

[lokilysolbitch]

Psychosis Discussion for the Witchy/Pagan Folks In My Phone

also i'm not an expert, this is based off personal experience, personal research, formal research (my past college classes, but it's not like we had an in depth class for psychosis specifically, we just touched on it for like a week or two total), what i've heard from others, and observation

u know what. no one tells y'all what to do if you think ur in spiritual psychosis* (or just psychosis). all they do is make fun of people they think are in psychosis and use the term like a weapon.

here's what to do

eat enough (this one is underrated. how will your brain be able to work properly if not given the fuel? it takes energy to emotionally regulate and double check conclusions you come to)

drink water

try to get enough sleep (also underrated)

do something non psychosis related. draw something silly, or go sit outside, or watch a comfort show. observe how your body feels without assigning explanations to why it feels that way. these are all to help ground yourself. (sometimes grounding is explained with a spiritual lens and you may not want to get into that if you're trying to take a break from spirituality). if you're delusions are about deities, take a break from your deities. they won't be mad, they've seen psychosis before and they love you.

address your distress. i can't speak much for manic feeling types of psychosis, my episodes were very anxiety based. but for anxiety, use coping mechanisms for calming yourself down. do something that doesn't harm you but makes you feel safe.

if you can, get professional help, or get medications adjusted if that's what's causing it

if you know the source or something heavily influencing your psychosis, distance yourself from it. witchtok is known for fearmongering and feeding peoples psychosis

reach out to friends if you've been isolating yourself. you can just spend time together doing something chill. something that helped my episodes was being with people who weren't tied to the themes of my psychosis, so if your psychosis is tied to witchcraft for example, hang out with friends who don't do anything witchy, or stay off the topic of witchcraft if your friends are all into witchcraft

hold off on major decisions like large purchases, getting rid of lots of personal items, moving, etc until you feel better and more stable

a bonus tip is to spend time away from people who are toxic or who make you feel confused and off kilter. if there's someone who for reasons you can or cant explain, just repeatedly makes you feel bad about yourself or guilty or angry, it might be because they're toxic in a way you havent noticed yet. if i had a nickel for every time someone told me they thought they were going insane until they spent less time with someone who turned out to be an abuser, and they suddenly got better, i'd have three nickels including myself.

i see too many people in witch/pagan communities acting like the psychosis is just when people are weird or when believe weird things and it's such a bold thing to say when we literally talk to gods and/or light candles to get money. it makes it seem like the bad part of psychosis is being weird or cringy. that is not what is destructive about psychosis. what's destructive is the social isolation, obsession, anxiety, paranoia, lack of self care, and big impulsive decisions. if you feel safe, are safe, and aren't harming others, your beliefs are not a major concern. you're either right, or harmlessly wrong. nothing wrong with that. so stop bullying people you think are weird, i will always repeat this sentiment

if something happens in your practice that is a little wacky, just keep taking care of yourself. the priority is your safety and others' safety. there's a lot of fearmongering in witchy spaces about being wildly wrong meaning you're in psychosis, but being wrong is okay. do some research (not on social media), ask for signs you can't miss, get a tarot reading from someone you trust, and remember spirituality is just wacky sometimes. we can't prove every single spiritual occurrence. we can only prove if we're physically taken care of. if you're safe, and the people around you are safe, and you don't feel overwhelmed with paranoia or anxiety or mania, you're probably okay to move forward, and just accept you could be right or wrong.

also, coming out of psychosis is a slow process. you're changing your view of your own reality. that doesn't happen in one night.

*i want to add to this, it is possible to know you're in psychosis, it's just not always common. if you are feeling like everyone is out to get you (thinking everyone is trying to hex you or you're being constantly spiritually attacked), or that you are more special than everyone (thinking youre a gods favorite devotee, that you're the most powerful witch, thinking you're the only one stopping an astral war, for me i thought i personally would cause the rapture), feeling like everything is a sign, those could be delusions. (the ones i'm describing here are delusions of persecution, grandeur, and reference. i see these most often in witchy/pagan/spiritual spaces)

also this might just be me, i have chronic dissociation, OCD, GAD, and such but psychosis has its own separate feeling of "i'm losing it". it feels like that mental thing you get in dreams where you just don't question anything. once you're out of it, you're like "why did i just believe that???". and like you can question yourself in a dream, but you'll only catch one thing. you'll recognize the clocks are look weird, but you won't notice the walls changing colors, you know? so if you feel that half-in a dream, reasoning isn't working right feeling, that could be a signal too. i think the closest feeling i've had to this was a PTSD (not a cptsd one in this case) flashback after a night of no sleep.

okay i'm rambling. tldr: if you think you're developing are/in psychosis, do basic physical self care (especially eating enough). do things that are simple and fun that isn't related to what is triggering you (so like grounding). social self care, like meeting with friends to do things not related to your psychosis triggers. try to use basic coping skills for anxiety, guilt, fear, things like that. you don't need to dig into why you feel it, just how to calm it down.

and stop bullying ppl online, doesn't matter how insane you think they are

(i have DID and it's hard to keep track of what i say without rambling and switching trains of thought and repeating myself without realizing so if this is confusing. uhh. rip lmao)

[windvexer]

Maybe this is a dumb baby question but, How do you know if a spell works? I’m investigating different practices and all the spells are like… focus, luck, etc, like things that are supposed to either influence my interior state or encourage certain events to occur. But I can’t help but think that if magic was “real” it could do things that are obvious or immediately observable. Have you ever done anything you think was undeniably magic? How did you know?

Not a dumb baby question.

It works if it works! And you can test this.

Broadly speaking we can divide all practical sorcery into two categories: verifiable and unverifiable.

It's really hard to know if an unverifiable spell works. E.g., a spell for focus could often be explainable by the placebo effect. (Or, this lovely Guardian Animal Shielding exercise, which is a fun and relaxing thing to do).

But a verifiable spell is something that you should be able to test and see if your magic did or didn't work.

A good way to find sources of verifiable magic in your life is to observe relatively stable patterns in your own life which have been going on for months, and then cast a spell to directly change it.

An example might be always getting a bad parking spot at work - and then trying to get a very good parking spot.

Either you get to work and have a great place to park even though the whole lot is normally full, or you don't. The spell worked, or it didn't.

Yes, I've worked magic that is obvious and immediately observable. I've worked so much of it and some of it is so miraculous that I don't talk about it publicly because practitioners have a lot of hangups about what kind of magic they think is allowed to exist.

But more importantly I think that while wanting magic to be real, and sorcery to work, are very valid, just chasing that realness alone is probably going to lead you to a path of misery. Here are some of my thoughts on this: On witchcraft as spirituality

Here are some random stories:

At one time there were many arguments in the household due to home renovations (stressful!). I cast a spell to cause one person in the household to be more mindful of the situation. I cast the spell and stepped outside of my practice space. That person was, surprisingly, in the yard and started asking me questions about the exact issue I had just cast on. We ended up having a very long conversation and after that the arguments stopped.

Some years ago the neighbor was causing horrible ruckus and giving my partner awful anxiety, as he could clearly hear it through the old, thin window. I found a bit of thread and "tied up" the neighbor's loud sounds into a knot, and weighted it down with a rock on the windowsill. At this time I wasn't living with my partner, so I came back some weeks later to see the knot. I thought I'd get rid of it, but when I moved the rock my partner stopped me.

"You know what's strange? After you put that there, the neighbor stopped being loud."

I looked at the disrupted rock, which was to "weigh down" the spell, and immediately the neighbor started yelling. I put the rock back, and about 30 minutes later he piped down again and stayed quiet.

Years later, after many calls to the police from many people in the neighborhood with no traction at all, I used the Justice tarot card in a spell and that neighbor was permanently removed from the home within a couple of weeks.

At one time, I was trying to do a distance energy reading for someone. But something was wrong; I couldn't see clearly. In fact it looked like they were consumed by a black void... then presently a lighter blue color was around the blackness, then white, then dark blue. It was no energy I was familiar with and I double-checked with the person that they had no magical protections to stop me from Seeing them.

"Oh, the only ward I didn't take down was my nazar." 🧿🧿🧿🧿

I have Very Silly Tendons, and in the morning I usually have a painful limp for several minutes until my foot stretches out. That is, of course, unless I remember to do a very simple energy exercise the night before. Then my foot is as loose and supple as a bowl of buttered noodles.

Once, I cast a spell using the planetary energies of Mercury in order to secure a good deal on a used van. I put in very specific requirements, and asked that if I tried to buy a van that didn't meet these requirements, that the elementals would stop me and not let the deal go through. Immediately after I cast the spell I found a van which was disqualified from the list, but I reallllly wanted it. I contacted the Craiglist seller, who didn't respond for a couple of days, but the listing stayed up.

The next morning my friend contacts me. She says she had a dream that yellow tornadoes came and told her to give me a message; that I was making a mistake.

Well if you know Mercury, then you know yellow airy energies are really his thing.

I immediately set up the spell again, retracted my requests, and apologized for going against what I said I wanted.

The seller contacted me within the hour, and I got the van.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 22)

Uzi did finally get that baby bag.

It wasn't much, a glorified swaddle made from a purple blanket that wrapped around her torso so that Tera could rest at her side without pulling while she walked around. It had been almost scary, she'd seen new mothers walk around with them all the time when she was younger.

And now… here she was, baby strapped to her side as she went home. Home as in, her dad's apartment, her apartment, or maybe not anymore, after today.

N had gone off to pick up the newly made crib early that morning, yes morning. Neither of them had needed to go outside for a least a week, and they're schedules were starting to cycle back into what other drones would consider normal.

But even then it gave them a little time to talk about how raising Tera was going to work.

Her room in her apartment was too small to raise a baby in, it was almost too small for her, with stuff just shoved unceremoniously wherever there was room. It was too messy, and dangerous! Her railgun was still in peices on the couch, and while it was broken there were still several parts that could discharge and hurt someone.

Which left N's apartment, which had plenty of room, as it was nearly empty, he'd brought in the very little stuff he owned (blankets, pillows and plush toys) but all of that easily fit in the bedroom with plenty of room to spare.

Plenty of room for her stuff.

And that thought on it's own made her fluster, they'd spent plenty of nights together, especially recently. But it had always been under the pretense that she'd be going back home eventually. That she didn't live there.

Robo-god she was about to see her dad. Her dad which had zero context for what she was about to unleash on him. That her and N were together now, that he had a granddaughter, that she was… moving out.

So much had happened this week. Hell, so much had been happening almost every week. And all of it was stressful, wether it be life threatening or just life changing, it seemed like after years of nothing happening, it was all catching up with her with everything happening at once.

“Doorman?” A voice she recognized, a voice she really didn’t want to see, preferably ever, but especially not right now, with Tera awake and babbling from her bag.

“What is it Lizzy?” She deadpanned, not bringing any attention to the baby strapped to her side even though that was clearly what caught the other drones attention, her pink eyes locked to the bag in surprise.

“Oh shit, that was actually your kid?” Lizzy immediately asked, making Uzi roll her eyes as she remembered that Lizzy was the one that had initially exposed her.

“Yup. This is Tera.” Admitting it at first felt strange, like her tongue had wanted to reject it, but it quickly settled into contentment, yeah, this was right. And honestly, trying to make Lizzy feel bad about something felt too good to say anything else.

“I had wanted to keep some things private, but somebody took a picture of us bringing her home.” Yeah she wasn't going to let Lizzy get away with that without a jab or two, she'd caused a bigger headache than what was already happening, and Uzi was itching for some revenge, even if it was just light teasing.

“Oh come on! Like you wouldn't have done the same thing.” She snapped back, although she sounded less bratty than usual, although wether that was V's influence or the fact a baby was present was unclear.

“Snapped a picture, totally, blackmail is blackmail, immediately post it to every inbox in range… No.” She replied, not wanting this conversation to last much longer than it had to, she didn't particularly like Lizzy, her being a main source of her suffering for a long time.

She just needed to get that jab in.

Lizzy just scoffed, looking her up and down and crossing her arms as if searching for something, probably something else to mock her for, Uzi found herself rolling her eyes again, turning to walk away from her and the conversation before Lizzy started talking again.

“Sorry or whatever, I thought you were just babysitting or something. Didn't think it'd be a big deal.”

Holy Shit, was Lizzy apologizing?

“Uh.” Honestly Uzi wasn't sure how to respond, she'd wanted her to feel bad sure, but she wasn't sure if that was even possible, and she'd never in a million years think she'd be hearing Lizzy apologize.

“Yeah, sure.” Is what came defensively out of her mouth as she walked away, Tera blew a raspberry at Lizzy from the bag, giggling when she got pink hollow eyelights in return.

Okay, so maybe she could keep her edginess and still be motherly figure to Tera, that hadn't occurred to her as an option, a part of her thought she'd become a different person, and maybe she was around N and Tera behind closed doors, but here? She didn't feel soft, she felt like she always did, slightly bitter, like licorice.

She passed more drones on her way, some didn't seem to notice her which was absolutely fine with her, but some definitely did, stopping and staring at the neighborhood goth carrying around a giggling baby in a cute little purple swaddle.

She could understand why they were staring, it was quite the image, but it didn't mean she had to like it.

Tera on the other hand was loving the attention, each set of eyelights on her produced another laugh and some rolling that had Uzi holding the side of the bag so she wouldn't roll out onto the floor.

One drone was a little too obvious for Uzi's liking, staring at the bag like it would suddenly come to life and harm him.

“Hey! Stop staring and mind your business!” She turned to the guy, who immediately looked scared out of his mind, his purple eyelights hollowing as he nodded.

“Yes ma’am sorry!” He raised his hands before scampering away with his tail between his legs, if he had one, that is.

She smirked a little before moving on, it was a powerful feeling, to scare someone off, and it was satisfying as well, she didn't like the way he was looking at her baby.

She finally, finally reached where she wanted to be, well not wanted, she wanted to be anywhere else. But where she needed to be.

She knocked. Which was weird because it was her door, she had the key to get in whenever she wanted. But it still felt like the right thing to do at the moment, she heard shuffling from the other side of the heavy steel, great, her dad was home.

Her dad, the one who'd left her to die, the one who left her alone to cry herself to sleep after her mother died, the main reason her core had such heavy shielding protecting the softness inside. Why her first instinct to any problem was to yell at it, or turn to science to better choose violence.

She held a lot of resentment towards him, something she'd shown time and time again, a part of her wanting to hurt him the same way he'd been hurting her. But she could never bring herself to hate him, not when she did still have memories of him being a halfway decent father, holding her when she'd have nightmares, giving her piggyback rides, being the first one to teach her about mechanics, and give her her first toolset.

“Coming!” Khan shouted, he'd been drafting of some blueprints. Not of doors, but of something for N, if he wanted it.

A cap for his tail, made out of solid steel and form fitting, so it slid right over the needle, it was just a concept for now, he didn't have the exact measurements of his tail and he wasn't even sure N would want something like that, he seemed to have good control over it. But if Khan had a tail with a stinger, he'd want to make sure his infant daughter couldn't accidentally grab it, just to be safe.

So really it was gift for Tera, but, nonetheless.

He opened the door, surprised to see his daughter of all drones knocking, she never knocked, she lived here!

“Uzi? Why'd you knock? Did you lose your key?” He tilted his head in confusion before his eyes followed the strap of the baby bag, he blinked, and tiny purple eyelights blinked back.

“I-is that?” His voice almost immediately turned warbly, he didn't hadn't ever seen Tera before, he didn't realize how much she looked like his daughter, at least when she was also a pillbaby.

“That's Tera Dad, can I- can I come in?” Her voice sounded muted, not like the fiery rebellious drone he'd come to know as his daughter, he moved out of the way wordlessly, eyes still trained on the tiny droneling at her side.

She was giggling at him, rolling madly in an attempt to escape her confines, Uzi dipped her arm into the bag and lifted her up into her arms.

“Stop squirming Jellybean, or you're gonna fall.”

Tera was just happy for the attention attempting to roll more even though she was trapped in Uzi's hands. She sighed.

“Sorry, she has a lot of energy.” She smiled warily at her dad, who looked like his core had been ejected and thrown halfway across the room.

All he could see was his wife, the first month or two they had Uzi and she was a cryer, there were no moments of silence in the Doorman household, if Uzi was left alone for even a millisecond she'd begin to wail which meant either Nori or himself would have to be with her at all hours.

And Uzi shared her mother's stress lines, looking a little bit worn out but satisfied and happy, eye's shining with so much raw affection for the child in her arms that Khan knew, without another word spoken, that he had a granddaughter.

“That's quite alright dronelette…” He managed to force out the words, hopefully without sounding too strained, he wanted Uzi to feel comfortable enough to talk to him, to tell him things. Even if she thought he didn't like it.

And a part of him didn't, she was 18, not quite even an adult yet but her birthday was coming up soon. And dammit she was still his daughter, watching her grow up this much in such a little amount of time was harrowing, and only reminded him of how much he'd missed while wallowing in his grief.

Another part of him was almost giddy, a granddaughter, a granddaughter, it was honestly something he never even hoped to have, Uzi had never been one to make freinds, much less romantic connections.

“Yeah- uh, this is Tera, N's daughter.” She repeated, obviously nervous and tired. Khan wondered if N looked equally run down. And if perhaps Tera was the same level of clingy Uzi had been.

“I wanted you to meet her, since I've been spending so much time with the both of them…”

He could only bring himself to smile and nod, but wanted to freeze as Uzi came toward him and outstretched her arms, he clumsily stepped forward and took the tiny droneling into his arms, core stopping for a moment.

“She learns names pretty quick, oh, and she's a hugger, so uh, beware.” She warned, still seemingly nervous, he was sure he'd know exactly why soon, although he had a feeling he might already know.

Khan looked down at the baby, which felt like lead in his hands as she smiled up at him, weirdly silent considering all the babbling he'd just heard.

“Tera, this is Khan.” Uzi spoke softly to the baby, standing beside her father as he looked like he was about keel over. “He's my dad.”

Tera's smile grew bigger, although she didn't attempt to say his name, perhaps more than a single letter was too much for her. Instead she blew a goofy raspberry, rolling around in his arms for a moment before rolling into him, giving him a hug.

Tears sprung up in his eyes as something in his core snapped, he held her closely, and a sniffle escaped his voice box before he could stop himself.

“Dad?” Uzi sounded slightly worried for him, she'd known he'd might have some kind of reaction to seeing Tera, but this was a little more then she'd expected.

“I-I'm alright! I just-” He blinked away the tears and tried to steel himself, thoughts running a mile a minute. “I see why you warned me. Hah…”

“Yeah… you should have seen V, you could see the exact second her core melted.” Khan only could nod, the droneling now pressed up against him made a chirping noise, happy and content at any love given to her.

“But ah…that's uh, not the only reason I came here, just to… introduce you to a droneling that… that you're not gonna see often. You are gonna see her often, A-at least I hope you do, C-cause she's not just N's… she's-she's mine… too.” She rambled and sputtered as she tried to find the words to say, Khan felt himself smiling as she continued, she was expressing a want to have him around, that he wouldn't be mad. That'd he'd want to be-

“She's your granddaughter… dad.” She finished, looking more stressed then ever, like he could ever possibly tell her that he didn't want to be in her life anymore.

He winced as he remembered all the times he did indirectly. Leaving her alone so he could throw himself into another project, neglecting the one person he still had as family simply because she looked too much like Nori to look in the eye.

And she really looked like her now.

He looked back down at Tera, at his granddaughter, and felt himself begin to tear up again. She was smiling at him, babbling and cooing up at him as he launched forward and hugged his daughter with all his might.

He felt her tense, then, thankfully, she relaxed, mindful of the child as she curled up in his arms much like she did when she was little, and she'd needed comfort from a nightmare. He felt her visor press against his chest, breathing shaky, like she herself was about to cry.

How could he have left her, how? What kind of parent was he that he left his own daughter? What kind of man?

And how could she have ever forgiven him? He knew he could never forgive himself.

“I'm sorry dronelette, I'm so so sorry.” He cracked out, petting her hair, he felt some kind of pressure on his back, her hand most likely, and she almost laughed, though it sounded pained.

“I'm still… so angry at you.” She admitted, slowly, though not pulling away. And he felt more pained steel settle in his core, he deserved this… whatever she needed to say. If she needed curse at him, to hit him even, he'd deserve it, although he hoped she wouldn't in front of Tera.

“But I missed you more.”

And thats all it took for them both to sob like newborns, her face burying into his shoulder as she let years worth of coiled pain escape her, despite all she'd done, how much she'd grown, she was still 18, still much a kid herself.

And they remained like that for some time, at least until Tera got uncomfortable being sandwiched between them and began to fuss, which finally ended the long overdue hug between father and daughter.

“H-here, give her to me.” She stammered out, either slightly embarrassed or still a little emotional, and Khan did as he was told, handing daughter back to mother.

She rocked her until she stopped fussing, and Khan led them both to the couch with his hand, still recovering himself.

She flopped on the couch like she carried the entire weight of the world on her shoulders, Tera held gingerly until she was placed between them do she could freely roll around, which she did happily.

“I'm assuming that means N is my son in law now?” He chuckled out, trying to lighten the somewhat oppressive mood that had settled over them. She blushed heavily, sputtering out a surprised response.

“We're not- he's- uh… He's my… boyfriend now yeah.”

He laughed, even though he saw it coming a mile away, he thought he might be more upset about it then he was, but N had more than proven Uzi was his priority, even over himself at times.

“And you need help moving your stuff out?” He continued, smiling through the small amount of pain the thought caused him, she was growing up, but if that hug had shown him anything, she still needed her dad, and he couldn't ignore that, he wouldn't, not anymore.

Next ->

[arcane-ish]

@alisha-on-arcane

Also... in s1 both Shimmer and Hextech were parallels in being irresponsibly developed potential weapons tech with real practical uses. Piltover has Hextech, Zaun has Shimmer, there's an equivalence there. And Heimerdinger isn't wrong, powerful things are dangerous and rushing to commercialisation can be unwise!

When I was watching season 1, I was more influenced by League canon and so to me it was always:

Piltover = Hextech Zaun = Chemtech

So I was more open to seeing Shimmer as the new "radical" element, where it makes sense for it to be not there anymore.

The thing is... what exactly to we classify the hoverboard technology as? I presume Ekko wouldn't use Shimmer for it as he hates it. So that is chemtech too?

Is that the "responsible use of chemtech"?

To be honest, I'm not even completely sure on what the state of Shimmer is in the end. Is it gone after the destruction of the factories, the death of Rio, the arrest of Singed?

I'm sad that again, they never really went into it. I expected them to at least confirm that Rio is the one original source of it. And it bugs me that there seems to be little mention of what the removal of Shimmer does to the society other than getting the chem barons to fight.

I tend to head canon that it's gone outside maybe some left over stashes in season 2 because nobody knows about the Singed and Singed is doing his own project. But I would expect Sevika and the addicts to handle it worse. (it would have been interesting to lead back the whole "mayhem in the streets" more directly to people having withdrawals, but they never did)

Sevika's shimmer based arm is broken. Smeech uses shimmer personally but seems to be using a chem tech based prosthetic and offers to make Sevika one but then of course gets a mechanics based one from Jinx. Why is Sevika handling it so well even though she was presumably a pretty regular user? (pr does Shimmer not have the one main characteristic that we associate with drugs, addictiveness? And it's just what, Huck and his peeps having odd reactions to it?)

=> which brings up an interesting thing. To me Renni and the council attack seem more chemtech than shimmer to me. Or at least a mixture.

Maybe Silco himself after Act 1 came to see Shimmer as thing that isn't actually useful as a weapon? Maybe because it's too unreliable. And hence spends the years putting time into accumulating power on one side and developing chemtech on the other?

That Shimmer's primary use as a drug and something that makes Silco money and less as a weapon and the weapon focus turns more on chemtech. Or that Shimmer is more as a catalysator, it makes chem tech powerful and maybe it mixes with hextech/the void as well? I remember some people saying that Viktor's shimmer dripping on the hextech stuff causes it to deform and create the anomaly.

(I also just watched a theory video that says that Shimmer amplifies people's dominant abilities, which is why some people get bulky but Jinx gets speed. But yeah, not sure how convinced of them, I think the "different strain/mixture" headcanons work better there)

So when Hextech turns out to have side effects in s2, I think it's reasonable to say "in the utopia, neither tech was developed". And I appreciate all the good-coded science in s2ep7, I think the creators were trying really hard to avoid "science is bad" as a takeaway.

I can read the AU as "they found a third option and the third option is nature/plants" and neither Shimmer nor hextech are a big factor in the AU. And the main universe is a more "flawed" ending of compromise and hence some hextech and some chemtech is still around and Shimmer is being phased out.

That's again probably because of what I said first that to me "Zaun = chemtech", so to me the balance doesn't rely as much on Shimmer. I can read it more as Shimmer being the new (=Arcane tv show without League Lore) element that was introduced specifically for this story.

I think there's some appeal to portraying Shimmer as the big poison the big catalysator that maybe poisoned Silco, poisoned the hextech, that works at the catalyst in combination with both hextech and chemtech and makes everything and everybody worse ... but to me it just doesn't work really line up again with the whole "seems to work for Jinx alright" and to me the whole herald thing just goes into a completely different direction it just doesn't make sense to me anymore to trace it back to Shimmer in a visual language kind of way.

Like the whole thing where the Arcane is still a blobby cube

I can maybe picture that as "Shimmer interacting the Arcane and birthing something new and misshapen". That this is visual language of "it's not supposed to look like that, something is being tainted".

But by the time Viktor's puppets run around and Viktor is all ancient mage it just feels too clean. to me it doesn't visually refer back to Shimmer anymore.

I guess Viktor has still some of the Shimmer purple in his color language

And when they heal/transform Viktor into the herald, you can read it that they just throw everything together? The Arcane, Shimmer, Chemtech, Warwick's regen factor or blood?

So maybe the herald is supposed to be the amalgam, the blend of all the powerful things that run around?

But yeah, my world building headcanon has been that Zaun runs out of Shimmer because Singed took his operation elsewhere/started to focus on something new and they focus more on their own tech.

[sjsmith56]

Assignment Bucky Barnes, Chapter 7 - Reset

Summary: Concerned that things are moving too quickly between Bucky and Ariel, she is ordered to slow things down with him. Evidence mounts of an unknown outside influence on the couple, causing additional difficulties.

Length: 4.4 K

Characters: Bucky, Ariel, Merton, Peri, Steve.

Warnings: Apparent heartbreak, miscommunication, misunderstandings leading to Bucky and Ariel having a serious argument.

Author notes: This chapter may be confusing as the characters are puzzled by different things as seen from their perspective. Remember there is interference from the future on this past timeline and while the Historians Guild works hard not to change the past there are others that want to blow it up completely.

<<Chapter 6

Nothing was said as they went up to the room on the 3rd floor but Ariel could see that Merton was agitated.  He did look at her once they were inside the room and started up the console.  After he entered his credentials and requested a secure connection he turned to her and put his hand on her arm sympathetically.

"I'm sorry," he said.  "It was necessary to get him out of there immediately.  Once a month all the resident historians from the surrounding area meet with the council.  When it came time for my report I told them how quickly you and Bucky connected.  At first Peri was happy then she got a report on a screen that we couldn't see.  Someone is manipulating this timeline, seemingly making it go faster than it should have.  Apparently, you two shouldn't have been compatible so quickly.  When I said you were together at the beach all day and I wouldn't be back until late they ordered me to intervene and get him out of here."

"I don't understand," she said. 

"You had your first sexual encounter three days after you met, your second today," he said.  "According to Peri's new information it shouldn't have happened for a week at least.  I read your diary before the meeting.  He shouldn't have declared his love so quickly."  He looked apologetically at her.  "There's concern you have become too emotionally involved but I told them I encouraged it.  What is evident is that someone wants the relationship to flame out and fast.  I don't know what they're going to do about it.  It's beyond my pay grade."

Peri's face appeared in the holographic display and she looked grim.  "Well, this is unexpected," she said.  "I wish I could say there's an easy fix but there isn't.  Ariel, I know we told you that Barnes relationships or lack of weren't documented in the time period of June 1940 to June 1943.  That's not entirely true but it's always been need to know because the sources were second hand.  You and Merton weren't in that select group of people who needed to know."

Ariel said nothing at first as it wasn't something that was upsetting to her.  As a rookie historian on her first assignment it wasn't unusual not to be told all the details.  It was standard procedure to make sure the historian didn't try to change the timeline.  The little details, if they happened, were an indicator the timeline was true.

"Have I changed Bucky's timeline?" she asked. 

"You may have if Merton didn't kick him out of your bed," said Peri.  "You may have to break it off and observe his reactions to it."

"So, that's it?" asked Ariel.  "Just as I declare my feelings for him you decide no more dating, no more sex.  Why do you need me here then?  Merton could do the observations.  An android could do it."

Peri and Merton both looked at Ariel with concern.  Then Peri's attention was taken by something out of view of the other two and she shook her head.  She became distracted by whatever she was looking at.

"What is it, what's wrong?" asked Merton.

"Continuing the relationship may not change Bucky's timeline after all, at least not in a manner that will change his fate," said Peri, finally.  "I'm sorry, I'm getting all sorts of confusing data here.  It's going to take some time for the council to wade through it and determine our next course of action.  Until then, Merton you play the part of the over protective uncle.  Don't let the couple be alone.  Ariel, be upset, which I don't think you'll have to fake but do not let Bucky back into your bed.  Not yet, anyway."

Both Ariel and Merton verbally gave their compliance and the communication was terminated.  They looked at each other for a moment then with an audible sigh Ariel got up and went to her room.  She opened the window as it was stifling in her bedroom and put some clothes on.  Picking up what was left of the condom and the package she put them in the trash bin then sat at the kitchen table. 

"Are you alright?" asked Merton.  "I know this is unexpected.  It doesn't happen often but he is an enigma, and we couldn't have known this would happen.  It could be why previous attempts failed.  For what it's worth I thought you were making progress just based on what you wrote in your diary."

"Maybe," replied Ariel some despondently, "but she's right.  Tell me truthfully, have any historians become so emotionally involved with their subject that they leave the profession and choose to stay with their subject?"

She could see him wrestle with what to tell her but the truth won out.  "Yes, it has happened," he said reluctantly.  "It's not something the guild is keen on acknowledging as they tend to see it as a failure of the training.  But, in my opinion, historians are people, just like the subject of their research.  They have emotional needs, human faults, and make mistakes like everyone else.  As far as I know none of those who stayed changed their subject's timeline.  In most cases it confirmed it. However, if you stayed with him, you could theoretically change history.  The implications of that would fill a quantum drive with all the computations and repercussions of this one man if his fate was changed."

"I know that," she said quietly.  "But I don't care.  I want him in my life, Merton, at least until he has to go.  I don't know if I want to give him up though."

She began to cry and Merton put his arms around her.  He told her to go lie down and he would make something to eat for both of them.  While she laid on her bed she heard a sound outside and went to the window.  Bucky was on the ground, looking up at the window.  He climbed onto the roof of the one story addition and came to the window as she stuck her head out from the curtain.  Quickly Ariel shook her head and looked behind her so he could see the open door.  He nodded, then took her hand and kissed it as she sat on the edge of the windowsill.

"Did he hurt you?" asked Bucky in a low voice.  "Did he hit you?"

A strong emotion rose in her with the realization that Bucky was already so protective of her his first concern was that Merton had abused her.  The historian in her made a note to mark it down but the woman in Ariel fell in love a little deeper with the caring man standing on the roof outside her window.

"No, he didn't even yell after," she whispered.  "But he doesn't want me to see you any more."

Bucky shook his head in a display of determination, then grasped Ariel's hands.  "That's not his decision.  We'll get our own place.  I make enough money to support us.  We could get married.  You're of legal age to determine your own path."

He was so earnest and part of Ariel wanted nothing more than to go with Bucky and have him to herself but if she did she would be setting in motion a whole new timeline, one that could change history in so many ways.  Considering Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier she could be saving lives.  But there are other lives that would be changed and not for the good.   That thought rang in her head and she made a decision, the only logical one she could make as a historian, to not interfere in the timeline.

"I think we should step back for a while.  I don't know for how long.  He's my only living relative and I don't want to lose him."  She looked at Bucky, pained at how her words affected him.  "It doesn't mean I don't want to be with you because I do but maybe we were moving too fast.  I love you, Bucky, but I want to slow down."

His eyes glistened and he swallowed hard then he nodded.  "Alright," he said.  "You did say at the beginning you wanted to take it slow.  I just thought when you let me into your bed that you were okay with moving faster.  Maybe I pressured you into saying yes and I'm sorry if I did.  I love you, Ariel.  But I'll step back until you're ready."

He kissed her with a finality that frightened her then went to the edge of the addition and jumped off, reminding her of footage of him as the Winter Soldier.  For a devastating moment she felt like she had sealed his fate.  It took all of her willpower not to climb out the window and ask him to catch her so they could run away together but instead she forced herself to watch as he jumped over the fence and walked away, looking back just once with a tortured expression on his face that wrenched her soul.

Over the next three days they didn't see each other at all and nothing was heard from him or from Steve.  She went out on Tuesday to buy a present for Steve, a new product called watercolour pencils.   Ariel thought with his art interests it might be something he would like to try.   She saw them in an art store when she walked to the grocers for the pie ingredients, still intending to bake it.  On the Wednesday, after finishing work at the Library, Ariel came out to find Steve waiting for her.  He smiled grimly at her as she approached him and they began walking.

"How is he?" she asked.  "I thought I would hear something from him but he hasn't called or been around."

"Not good," replied Steve.  "Heartbroken, in fact.  He thinks it's over between you two."

"I didn't tell him that," protested Ariel.  "I just said we should take a step back.  He wanted me to run away with him and get married but if I did then I would lose my uncle and he's my only living family.  Would you do that as an orphan?  Would you turn your back on the only family you have?  I couldn't do it."

"No, I guess I wouldn't," he answered solemnly.  "Bucky feels things deeply, even though he doesn't always show it.  He was crazy for you and it's like he's going cold turkey in getting over you.  I told him to give you and your uncle time but he's not the most patient guy."

"What would you do, Steve?" she asked.  "How can I fix it?  I don't want to lose him."

"Come tomorrow," he replied.  "I'll be there about 2 pm.  Will your uncle let you come over?  It's not like Bucky would do anything your uncle could object to with his parents and sister there."  His face coloured slightly.  "He told me how your uncle found you."

They talked more about it on the way to the antique store then Steve made his goodbyes.  Ariel kissed him on the cheek for being a good friend, making him blush.  When she entered the store Merton looked at her with concern.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Bucky's not doing well," said Ariel.  "According to Steve he's already thinking that it's over between us.  Steve thinks I should come to the party tomorrow to reassure him."

Merton gave an audible sigh.  "I checked and there were no messages.  Maybe after supper we can call again and get their opinion on it.  I certainly don't want him to break it off as that would defeat the purpose of having you here."

After dinner they went up to the communications room and started up the set.  Merton entered his credentials and requested a conversation with Peri.  About five minutes later she looked at both of them expectantly.

"Well, how did it go?" she asked.

"How did what go?" countered Merton.  "We've heard nothing since Sunday."

Peri's face went hard.  "What do you mean?  I sent a detailed plan of action through the message channels on Monday."

Merton opened the messaging function and looked at Peri.  "There's nothing.  I received nothing."

Peri swore, an unusual thing for the mostly unflappable 97 year old.  "It's gone from my sent folder as well.  I don't know what to say.  Someone is obviously sabotaging things."

"What did you want us to do?" asked Merton.

"Resume the relationship," she replied.  "But slow down the sexual part of it.  You need to have a serious talk with the young man, Merton and tell him your concern about being too intense for Ariel.  Merton, did any of the other resident historians express any concerns about changes to the assignments they were overseeing before the meeting with the council?"

"No, not exactly," he replied.  "There were the historians who were watching over Bucky's future fellow soldiers; two of them in particular, Dum Dum Dugan and Gabriel Jones.  The historian watching Dugan said there have been attempts to draw the man into a fight several times, something he's not inclined to do.  As for Jones, he has been harassed by the police for instigating unrest when he hasn't been anywhere near the incidents in question.  Both men will enlist at the same time as Barnes and they will become friends in boot camp, good friends.  But if either of them end up in jail before they enlist they could theoretically be put into different units.  They go on to be part of the Howling Commandos and Jones will be one of the men on the train when Bucky falls."

"That's definitely interference," she said.  "Let me look into that.  I will speak to our security lead and see if they can find out what happened to the files I sent to you.  There has to be a digital footprint somewhere.  It might also be a good idea to relocate the portal apparatus as it's been in the same location for some time.  I am concerned that someone will attempt to meddle with it."

"I'll call a couple of the resident historians tonight and move it tomorrow," said Merton.  "I've been feeling that our time in that location is running out as city council have been talking about redeveloping the area with public housing."  They disconnected the call and Merton shrugged before facing Ariel.  "Call him.  Tell him that I will let him see you if he comes to see me first and we set some ground rules.  I'll even see him tonight if he's inclined to come over."

Ariel went down to the kitchen where the telephone was.  She picked up the receiver and dialled the number, watching the circular dial go back to the starting point after she turned it to the number.  There were three rings before Mrs. Barnes answered.

"Mrs. Barnes?  It's Ariel.  May I speak to Bucky please?"  There was a pause as Mrs. Barnes said something.  "Yes, ma'am, I'll be there.  I'm unsure of my uncle as he promised a friend to run an errand with him.  I'll see you tomorrow." 

She waited some more before Merton joined her so Ariel told him that she had made his attendance on July 4 unsure, thinking he wanted to talk to Bucky first.  He agreed that was the prudent thing to do.  Then Bucky came on the line and he could hear the relief in Ariel's voice.

"Bucky?  It's good to hear your voice.  I was worried about you.  Steve said you weren't doing well.  I don't want to break up, Bucky." She listened as he said something and he envisioned Bucky trying to let her down easy.  "Well, Uncle Merton says he's had a bit of a change of heart.  He wants to talk to you first but he's willing to let us continue seeing each other with some conditions.  Can you come over now and talk to him while he's willing?"  She paused again biting her bottom lip as she listened then nodded her head.  "Okay, I'll tell him you'll be here in 15 minutes.  Thank you, Bucky."

Merton placed a call to several other historians and they agreed to move the portal apparatus to a new location the following morning.  They all agreed it was long past time for the move.  Merton would meet them at the portal location with his van.  At the appointed time they heard the door to the stairwell open and Bucky's footsteps coming up the stairs.  He knocked on the apartment door and Merton answered it to Bucky carrying a bouquet of sweet peas, which looked like they had just been picked from a garden. 

"Go put them in water and then wait in your room, Ariel," said Merton, authoritatively.  "Bucky and I will talk out here."

She took the flowers from Bucky; their fingers brushing against each other as he handed over the bouquet then he sat on the couch in the parlour area.  Ariel put the sweet peas into a vase and filled it up with water then took it to her room and closed the door, her eyes meeting Bucky's before it was closed completely.  Merton brought an unopened bottle of scotch and two glasses over, peeling the paper off of the top before pouring some out for each of them.

"Here's to a resolution we can both live with," he said taking a sip.

Bucky did the same.  "Before you start I just want to apologize for taking advantage of your hospitality.  I talked Ariel into it.  She's been a lady since we met and I allowed my desires to overrule my common sense.  She has no blame in this.  Only I do."

"That's very gallant of you Bucky," replied Merton.  "But she basically said the opposite.  I'm guessing the truth is somewhere in between."  Bucky started to protest and Merton raised his hand.  "I don't want to quarrel with you.  The fact remains that you each took advantage of my absence and used my home to satisfy your carnal desires.  I appreciate that you at least made sure that Ariel wouldn't end up in the family way."  Merton took a deep breath and another sip of the scotch.  "Since that evening Ariel has been miserable and it's made me realize that her attachment to you is deep.  How do you feel about her?"

"I love her," said Bucky.  "I know we've barely known each other a week but I think about her constantly and only want to make her happy.  In fact, I would like to ask for her hand in marriage, if you're inclined to allow me."

Merton sat back in the arm chair, appearing to give Bucky's offer great thought.  "I'm going to say no, at this time," he replied, putting his hand up to keep Bucky from interjecting.  "However, I am willing for you to continue to court her, provided you promise as a gentleman that you will not pressure her to bed with you again.  I do that so you have the opportunity to get to know each other better without the spectre of intercourse between you.  If you truly love her you will abide by my wishes.  If, after a time, I am satisfied with your conduct you may make the offer again and I promise to give it the full attention it deserves.  Those are my conditions, Bucky.  I love my niece.  She is the spitting image of my late sister who I doted on when she was a child.  Ariel's well being is my responsibility to her late parents to make sure she marries well and for the best of reasons."

He sat back again and watched Bucky carefully, thankful that he had his own recording devices going.  The young man took a sip of his scotch then looked at Ariel's bedroom door before offering his hand to Merton.

"I accept," said Bucky.  "She is a unique woman and I would be a fool to allow my pride to keep me from doing whatever it takes to win her hand in marriage.  I promise to respect her and assure you there will not be a repeat of Sunday evening between us."

Merton shook Bucky's hand then went to Ariel's door and told her that Bucky had accepted his terms for their continued acquaintance.  Looking relieved Ariel came out and went straight to Bucky, allowing him to hold her and comfort her.  Her uncle watched the pair then picked up his glass and the bottle of scotch.

"I have some ledger work to do," he said.  "You may visit here in the parlour while I work in the kitchen.  Once your scotch is finished you can say good night to each other."

He turned and went for the books, spreading them out on the table.  To make it seem like he was giving them privacy he turned on the radio in the kitchen but kept his recording devices on in the living room.  As soon as the music came on Bucky clasped Ariel close to his chest and stroked her hair. 

"He's agreed to let us see each other but he doesn't want us going to bed together," he whispered.  "I had to agree.  I've been miserable without you."

"I know, me too," she whispered back.  "Oh Bucky, I thought I lost you."

"Never," he said.  "When I've proven myself we'll get married and we'll be together forever."

There was no verbal response from Ariel but she squeezed him around the waist and they stood for a short time before sitting on the couch.  Curling her legs up as she sat on the couch Bucky put his arm around her shoulders so she could rest her head in the crook of his arm.

"We'll get married at City Hall, then have a little wedding lunch at my parent's house," he said wistfully.  "There are some nice furnished flats near the Library.  We can rent one of them and make it our own.  Just you and me, and Rosie, can't forget Rosie."  The kitten had climbed over Ariel's lap and was now curled up in between them.  Bucky scratched her head behind the ears.  "I'll take as much overtime as I can at the docks to save up enough for a down payment on a brownstone and then we'll start a family.  It will be wonderful, because we'll be together."

As Bucky went on about what they would do together as a couple, then as a family, Ariel listened without commenting, knowing it would and could never happen.  As much as she loved him their futures would split apart when he went to England, possibly later if they decided to write to each other.  Her assignment would be over and she would return back to 2142 to go through her recordings and diary entries, creating her report and submitting it to the guild for publication.  Merton said she had already found some information that wasn't known, yet it seemed like Peri knew more about Bucky than she was letting on.  She felt a hand caress her face and she looked up at Bucky.

"Hey, you were somewhere else for a little while," he said.  "I asked you a question and you didn't answer."

"Sorry, I was daydreaming," she replied.  "What did you ask?"

"How many kids do you want?" he asked, smiling.  "I always wished I had another brother and sister so we each had someone we could be close with.  What do you think of four kids?"

She smiled softly.  "I think four is a good number.  We'll have to get someone to look after them while I'm working at the Library."

"You won't have to work," said Bucky.  "I'll make enough to support us all.  A mother should be home with her children."

Ariel sat up and looked at him with concern.  "I didn't go to college to stay at home and just have children.  Yes, I want them but I want my career as well.  You understand that, don't you?"

He licked his lips with what looked like exasperation.  "What kind of man would make his wife work?  How are you going to cook the meals, do the laundry and the housework if you work?  I mean, I guess we could get a housekeeper but that would need more overtime at the docks and I'd never see you and the children.  No, you won't be working, not as my wife, you won't."

Ariel could feel the heat rising in her.  There was no pretence in the frustration she was feeling at the moment and she stood up.  "Well, I'm glad I found that out now.  You don't own me, Bucky.  I'm a modern woman, with plans to run a library someday.  What if something happened to you?  An industrial accident, or maybe the war between England and Germany spills over here and you go off to fight and get killed.  Wouldn't you want me to be able to work and put food on the table for your children?"

"Now you're talking nonsense," said Bucky.  "I'm a careful worker and I don't take any unnecessary risks.  As for a war, where did that come from?  The U.S. won't get involved in any else's war.  That's just silly."

"Why is it silly?" she asked.  "Look at the newspapers.  Hitler is invading all over Europe.  You think this country is going to sit back and let that happen?  They didn't in World War I and Hitler isn't to be trusted.  Every treaty he has signed promising not to invade a country he has broken.  You don't think he won't do the same with America?"

Merton came out from the kitchen and looked at the couple.  This wasn't supposed to happen.  "I think you two need to cool down," he said calmly.  "Bucky, maybe you should go home.  Both of you need to take a step back before you say something you'll regret."

Ariel folded her arms across her chest and shook her head angrily.  Bucky stood up, went to the door shaking his head and went down the stairs without a word.  She stormed off to her room and slammed the door.  Merton took a deep breath.  He would look at the recordings before he made any decision on how to deal with what just happened.  If he didn't know better he would think Ariel was the one trying to sabotage the relationship.

Part 8>>

Series Masterlist

Comments and reblogs are appreciated.

[cj-is-sleeping]

Below is a speech that i wrote this year during my last year of highschool debate league. I never got to use it, and it never got finished (was going to add quotes and sources i liked related to the subject) but i’m rather proud of what i have left here.

Close your eyes. What is behind your eyelids? Is it pitch black? Do you see the specks of light flickering through the thin layer of skin? Do the colorful squiggles leftover from the light dance just outside of your peripheral vision?

Or is it more like TV static? Black and white speckles that move perpetually, maybe?

Can you feel your pulse in your eyelids? The rush of blood through those tiny vessels, hm? Are your eyes moving? Can’t you stop them? Hold them still? Do they drift ever so slightly when you try to keep them still, or do they jump around dramatically, chasing those shapes away from your peripheral vision? When you breathe do your lungs fill up from the bottom first or top first? Did the pulsing in your eyelids quicken when you just tried to check? Did you start breathing slower to make the pulsing slow down?

Now open your eyes again. That probably feels a bit better, right? Not focusing on the blood rushing through those tiny vessels in your eyelids. Can you still feel it when you blink, though? Have you blinked? Are you blinking enough? Aren’t your eyes feeling a bit dry? Maybe a bit itchy? Are you sure you’re blinking enough? Is thinking about this making you want to blink? Or maybe you’ve already forced it a few times, just to make sure you’re blinking enough.

Maybe this little trick works on you. Maybe it doesn’t. It’s a well known internet joke, to say something like “manual breathing” or “manual blinking” to try and make you self aware of your naturally subconscious bodily functions. It works on me, and most of the time, it works on those I know when I want to bother them.

What I was attempting to do here, all those questions, and little statements about how you should feel, was a systematic attempt to manipulate your beliefs about how you felt, your actions regarding your breathing and blinking, and your attitude. Make you annoyed or uncomfortable.

on a completely unrelated note, let’s talk a bit about propaganda.

the definition of propaganda is “a set of strategies used to persuade people to believe something or support a cause.” OR, “a systematic attempt to manipulate people's beliefs, actions, or attitudes.”.

okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly unrelated.

“You are not immune to propaganda.”

I’m sure you’ve heard this quote- or something similar- at least once.

Now I don’t know about you, but I definitely know a few people who think that’s false. Who think they ARE immune to propaganda. Who think they’re smart enough to avoid the manipulator.

The thing about that is it’s not about how smart you are. It has nothing to do with intelligence. People are malleable. People are not hard to influence. Maybe you went to the grocery store and saw the store brand next to a name brand, and decided to pick the name brand because it MUST be better than the basic… right?

Or maybe you weren’t going to buy it at ALL until a coupon for it came in the mail… so it must be worth it!

Now obviously this type of small everyday “manipulation” is not comparable to propaganda. But, you have almost definitely fallen for it, or something similar.

And that’s just the simple stuff.

Propaganda is specifically designed to make you feel strongly about something.

To make you angry, or scared, or sad.

So when -and I DO mean when- you fall for it, it won’t make you want to do something as simple as buy something pricier at the grocery store.

Back in the day, propaganda catered towards the young men- no, the young BOYS of our society told them that if they didn’t join the army to fight for their country, then they weren’t really men.

You are not immune to propaganda.

You are not immune to simple manipulation.

You are not immune.

You can be influenced.

If my beginning statements made you at all uncomfortable, made you think about the pulse in your eyelids or how often you were blinking or how slow you were breathing, then you are not immune.

During a pandemic, what is something you do to avoid catching the illness?

You be weary. You know who around you is sick, and who around you is safe. You watch your surroundings, and keep extra clean.

You stay cautious.

You are not immune to propaganda, just as you are not immune to the sickness of a pandemic.

Be weary. Be cautious.

Know what is happening around you. Pay attention to the spoken word and what’s written around you. Pay attention and recognize that those in power are not shy to use propaganda. Don’t be so easily influenced.

By the way, have you blinked in a while?

[actual-changeling]

Does Crowley have memory loss like how Jim does? (an empty house and looking where the furniture isn't. It hurts to remember. I know, try harder). If so is there any evidence of this and do you think the memory loss or things related to it (Crowley's angelic identity, rank, or his fall) will play a role in next season?

Crowley definitely has memory loss, but I think it's very different from the kind Jim/Gabriel has.

We can broadly divide memory loss into natural and artificial, with natural memory loss being the brain's response to a trauma while artificial memory loss is either caused by an external source or done intentionally, e.g. Gabriel putting his memories into the fly.

The house metaphor works regardless, though with the difference being that Gabriel's memory furniture can be recovered completely while Crowley's can't. I've talked about trauma-related memory loss at length before, but let's have a little review:

When faced with a traumatic situation that you cannot escape by fight, flight, or fawn, your nervous system falls back on 'freeze' and dissociation. It cannot cope with what is happening, so it tries to remove your/your awareness from reality as much as possible.. During dissociative episodes, the processing of external & internal input and the forming of memories is impaired, meaning that once you are in a safe environment and can 'return' to reality, everything you experienced before is blurry or foggy in some way.

Depending on the how, when, and what of trauma—especially if it's on-going and there is no actual safe environment you can escape to later—the dissociative barriers can become strong enough to turn the person that went through the trauma into Not You. We see this with Crowley and the way he talks about the Starmaker: the angel you knew isn't me, that was a long time ago, etc.

If it wasn't You that the bad things happened to, then the trauma no longer feels as inescapable as when you acknowledge that it was You—it's the brain saying "I cannot deal with this" and pushing it to the extreme.

That is why, in my opinion, Crowley has trouble recalling anything related to his fall, the Great War, and his time as the Starmaker, he can only access more memories when he is back in a triggered state, like after the bookshop fire. Emotional flashbacks force you to reconnect with memories and experiences, and you may remember more during that time just to forget about it again once you're back to normal.

We see Crowley slip into a dissociative episode during the final fifteen, but it also happens several times throughout the show before that.

Maybe there is also an outside influence on top of that, though I personally hope that Neil won't go down that road. Crowley's trauma-related memory loss and the cPTSD he has to deal with feels very realistic and accurate, and it adds a lot to him as a character.

Still, his fall will probably be quite important, memories or no memories, and we have already gotten a lot of fragmented facts about the extent of Crowley's powers both before and after the fall. There's a lot for Neil to work with here.

[cacodaemonia]

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing? 

Ohh that's a good one, but very tough! I could probably pick specific influences for some of my individual fics or AUs, but overall... Huh. Well, I was reminded of Watership Down the other day, and I just realized something.

It's one of my absolute favorite books and I've read it many many times. Some of my favorite aspects of the story are how all of these different characters come together to work toward a shared goal (even if they don't always know exactly what it is), and each of them has their own strengths that allow them to contribute. They have disagreements among themselves, of course, but they move past those, and the story doesn't dwell on the drama of conflicts and misunderstandings. There are outside forces that cause conflict, but some good comes even from those, and the characters learn new things from them.

A lot of stories use conflicts between the protagonists as major sources of drama, and that's something I generally dislike, because it always makes me ask, "If none of you like each other, then why should I, the viewer, care about any of you?" 😂 But in stories like Watership Down, you can feel the characters' love for each other and see their loyalty in their actions.

I think I try to handle characters in my stories in similar ways. I want them to be good to each other and work together as much as possible, even if they mess up sometimes. Aaaaand now I'm on my feelings about rabbits again T^T Hhhhh I love that book so much.

Sorry that was such a long answer! XD But thanks for the ask! 🧡

[inkblackorchid]

What the hell happened with Crow: an autopsy (Part 1)

*deep breath* Hiiiiiiii.

After sitting on this for ages, I finally decided to make the Crow post. And because this ended up getting stupidly long, I decided to turn this into part one of two, maybe three, we'll see (which I honestly should have done with the Aki posts too, but oh well). So let me quickly make it clear what I'm about here: This analysis is not meant to convince people who hate Crow to change their mind. It is also not meant to dissuade people who love Crow from doing so. Instead, I wanna look at how Crow was handled during the show (up until the end of the DS arc for now, I'll dive into the rest later) and give my own take on why he developed the way he did and turned into such a polarising character. Also, disclaimer, despite the fact that I'll be making an effort to analyse things objectively, I am a mere human and obviously not the one and only expert on all things 5Ds. My only claim to knowledge here is that I've watched 5Ds several times now, love the show and its characters deeply, and like to think I have a decent amount of media literacy. Also, I take no responsibility for the length of this post. Despite me splitting things up, it's stupidly, exhaustingly long. Like, very, very long. So. Let's hop to it, shall we?

Before I get into the meat of things, there's one more thing I would like to get out of the way: I know plenty of people, even now, so long after the show ended, would answer the question of "what happened with Crow, anyway" with something along the lines of "well Blackwings got so popular" or "well Aki's VA got pregnant so Crow stole her spotlight" and I need to burst some people's bubbles here because no. Neither of these things are true. Nor is the infamous "well Crow was meant to be the main villain", actually! And I could go into all of that here, but that would be a whole post of its own for each topic, and luckily, someone else has already done all of that work. I direct you to two posts over on Reddit from @mbg159, who did an absurd amount of digging to comprehensively disprove two of the 5Ds fandom's favourite scapegoat theories:

No, Crow was not meant to be a dark signer, and most certainly not the boss of the dark signers.

No, Aki being sidelined and suddenly having less presence in the narrative than him was not because her VA got pregnant.

I really don't want this to come off as an "assigned reading"-thing, but it is so, so important to keep these things in mind when looking at Crow, and honestly? I'm just tired of these rumours at this point. It's been 12 years since the show ended, we don't need to keep believing this nonsense. And the posts linked above aren't crackpot theories or anything of the sort—they provide sources all over and all of the links still work. If you still can't be bothered to read them (they are long, yes), then at least take away this tl;dr: Crow allegedly having been planned as a villain doesn't work because there is no evidence that supports it, and both his spike in screentime being caused by the Blackwings' popularity and him "taking Aki's spot" because her VA got pregnant make zero sense because they simply don't match up with the production timeline of the show. It is literally impossible for either of these things to be true. (And believe me, I am as mad as anyone that Aki got shafted, maybe even madder than the average fan, but if it doesn't add up, it simply doesn't add up and there were no regrettable outside influences, someone just actively made shitty writing decisions and that's that.) So please. It has been 12 years. Forget this stuff. Ditch it. Let it die. Because I'm not here to spin conspiracy theories, I'm here to analyse the writing of the show as best I'm able. Okay? Okay.

Now, for the good part. Shall we start with some facts? Let's start with some facts.

Crow is introduced to the audience in episode 30, shortly after the dark signers arc kicks off. And considering that he later ends up as one of the main characters, arguably even the third most important character in the show after Yusei and Jack, this immediately stands out. For reference, the rest of the signer group is introduced within the first 14 episodes of the show. Even Aki, who is the last signer to be introduced, takes less than half the number of episodes Crow does to finally make her debut. And I don't think you could blame anyone for finding this weird. 30 episodes, even in a show with a relatively short episode length like 5Ds, is an absurd amount of time for a protagonist to get introduced. As for how he's introduced to us...

We get the gist of his character pretty quickly. He's a daredevil, he's used to flipping sector security the bird (pun not intended), he's got a soft spot for kids, and he knows Yusei well—well enough for the two of them to tag-duel some security officers almost immediately after not seeing each other for an undefined amount of time, which, if you know anything about yugioh, says it all.

(Pictured: two lads getting up to Shenanigans.)

There is history there. These two know each other's decks. They know how each the other plays. They can work together immediately and seamlessly. This is a big deal. Aaaaannd... It immediately begs some questions: If this guy knows Yusei so well, and they are really close friends, why the hell is he only showing up now? Why wasn't he helping Yusei put together his duel runner? Why didn't he help him stick it to sector security at the start? Why weren't they in contact?

The thing is, the show never really answers any of that. At least not properly. We can only read between the lines as to why Crow wasn't with Yusei from the start. (At least in-universe. Irl, it's easy enough to guess that Crow was not there at the start of the show because the writers at first didn't think they'd be putting this side character Takahashi originally came up with into the show.) Which brings me to the Enforcers. (Side note: As a sub watcher, I know the Japanese name is Team Satisfaction and I know Kiryu's catchphrase works a million times better with that name, but "Team Satisfaction" will always sound like a boyband name to me and I like to mix and match the sub and dub names based on what I like better on an individual basis anyway, please bear with me.) And before I properly open that can of worms, I feel the need to point something out: After Crow made his debut in episode 30 and got the opportunity to show off his duelling a bit during episodes 30-31, we are immediately introduced to Kiryu/Kalin at the end of episode 32. What this means for Crow is that he has zero backstory at this point and his character had zero time to settle. His only tie to the main story, as far as the audience is concerned, is that he's Yusei's friend from however long ago, and aside from that, he's only got two other things going to endear him to viewers: 1. he stands up to sector security (whom the first season did a pretty good job of establishing as pigs) and 2. he cares for abandoned children. He gets a "Save the Cat" moment and a tie to the main character, and that's it. Just to put that into perspective, we know the most important points of all the other signers' backstories by that point. Jack and Yusei's deal is made obvious to us within the first five episodes; the twins, though the narrative largely only spares them breadcrumbs, anyway, at least have that bit about Ruka/Luna having been in a coma at one point and having a connection to the spirit world shown during episodes 18-19; and though it once again takes Aki the longest to reveal what she's all about, we at least have a good idea of why she is the way she is by episode 24, and we get the icing on the cake of her traumatic past during the narratively excellent duel in episodes 40-41 (no, I will never shut up about how much I love this duel). Plus, she arguably has the most complicated backstory, so it's no surprise that it takes longer to reveal. But here's where the Enforcers come in again.

(And here we see the arguably most deranged rat bastard of a man (affectionate) in the entire show. But hey, at least he has an exquisite sense for dramatics.)

As far as backstory for Crow is concerned, the Enforcers drama initially revealed during episodes 33-35 is as much as we get for him after his introduction. His later duel with dark signer!Bommer/Greiger during episodes 51-53 offers a bit more, but more on that later. First, I want to preface this by saying that I don't think it was a coincidence that Crow and Kiryu/Kalin were introduced so shortly after one another. Because at this point in the story, I think Crow's main role is to add a counterweight to Kiryu/Kalin. To Crow, whatever happened with the Enforcers was evidently not enough to break the friendship between him and Yusei—they're still close and get along well. And then we have Kiryu/Kalin—for him, whatever happened with the Enforcers was a big deal and he's more than a little resentful about it, to the point of wanting to murder Yusei in revenge. (It is also noteworthy that this is the first thing that ever calls Yusei's character into question, because here is a guy who evidently knew him well once and absolutely loathes him, and it's clearly not because of his Satellite upbringing, his marker, or any of the stuff the other antagonists up until this point hated him for. Yusei fucked something up here. Big time. But let's not get sidetracked.) So, what does the Enforcer drama tell us about Crow, anyway? Frankly, not much. We learn two things: One, same as Yusei and Jack, Crow was all for the "liberating Satellite"-thing at first. Two (and this one's way spicier), unlike Yusei, he had the guts to ditch Kiryu/Kalin when it became clear he was willing to go too far. He was even the first to do it. (And I'd argue that if Crow hadn't walked away, Jack wouldn't have, either, but the relationship between these two is a whole other funky can of worms.)

(I love how Yusei grabs him like a naughty cat every time Crow gets worked up.)

The thing is, I wish I could say this tells us something integral to Crow's character, but looking at the rest of the show... it kind of doesn't. Implicitly, it shows us that he draws the line somewhere, and where people he loves doing absolutely insane things is concerned, he does it sooner than Yusei. It's just that this is never brought up again. And as far as his introduction is concerned, this, the first dark signer!Kiryu/Kalin duel, and him rushing to get Yusei to Martha's on his runner is the last we see of Crow for a while.

(For the love of all that's good and holy, why on earth did he deposit Yusei on his runner like that, shrapnel-stab-wound-side down?? Did he pull out the biggest piece of shrapnel before doing this? How did Yusei's legs not drag on the asphalt? Why did nobody think to tie something around his stomach to slow down the bleeding? Ok I need to calm down I'm overthinking this)

After this bit, the signers are pulled centre stage for a while—which was to be expected, for one, and also seems like the right call, writing-wise. After all, they're the ones the audience expects to save the day. As far as viewers are concerned at this point, Crow is just Some Dude who happens to be good friends with Yusei. We've had characters like this before. Hell, the opening episode of 5Ds introduced us to a whole four of them, and for all we know, Crow could have a first been intended to be precisely that, just another Satellite side character, who just so happens to have ties to the Enforcers-debacle that the others don't.

However. Where the writing for Crow as a character, especially considering where he ends up later, is concerned, this looks like less of a smart move. Because the "set-up" (if you can even call it that) to make Crow a protagonist later is... shaky, to say the least. And I'll be frank with you, I'm pretty sure this is because Crow was intended to be neither a dark signer nor a signer (which the Reddit post about him I linked above also proposes). In other words, it was never meant to be set-up in the first place. Considering how the show developed and turned him into a protagonist later, though, I can't help but wonder how Crow could have been written differently to make him actually slot in well with the rest of the signers without stepping on many people's toes. But before we dive into hypotheticals, let's continue looking at what they did with him first.

We see him between episodes 30 and 35, and then he briefly poofs out of existence until episodes 43-44 where he... mistakes Yaeger/Lazar for a dark signer and has a duel with no outcome against him, which only barely serves to keep him relevant.

(The face of a dark mastermind, servant of an ancient, immeasurable evil. Truly.)

Though him outmanoeuvring the vice director despite all the data he has on him shows him to be a cunning duellist, it feels a bit like a throwaway episode, like the show saying "oh yeah wait don't forget that this guy's also there". Crow exists in the narrative—and gets to duel, which sets him apart from Yusei's other Satellite friends—but he does nothing to advance the plot, despite getting whole episode segments dedicated solely to what he's currently getting up to. He's just kind of there, and it doesn't help to set up any of what comes later, except the idea that he can and will fight a dark signer if he finds one, maybe. But the thing is, Crow vanishes after this duel. Literally.

(Run, bird boy, run! Or, uh... drive?)

And look. The way this moment looks? With the black fog literally catching back up to Crow on-screen? And with what he says, swearing that he won't die here, which is strikingly similar to how the other dark signers refused to die, swearing themselves to revenge instead? I get why people thought this would be the moment Crow died and turned into a dark signer himself. But the thing is, even without all the hints pointing to Goodwin instead of him from the start (Goodwin speaks about being willing to sacrifice Satellite within the first ten episodes, the condor is literally on his shirt, ffs, and the corresponding geoglyph is shown in the background when he talks about the Nazca Lines, I am not making this up), Crow becoming a dark signer makes zero sense because it doesn't fit his character. He has no motivation to become a dark signer, because the dark signers ultimately aim to destroy Satellite. And even with what little the audience knows about Crow at this point, it is crystal clear that Crow would never destroy Satellite, not to speak of sacrificing the children he cares for to summon an Earthbound Immortal. It simply doesn't work, because his character doesn't work like that. Crow is deeply protective of Satellite—as his devotion to making it better during the Enforcer days shows—and he is even more fiercely protective of the kids he takes care of. Destroying either or both to turn the world into a literal hellscape instead goes against everything we've seen him say and do up until this point.

However, this is where we have to address the refrigerator in the room.

(Ah yes. The fridge for Crow. The fridge for Crow that was there from the start. The fridge that Crow totally had the time to curl up and hide inside of. The fridge specifically for Crow. Crow's fridge.)

Every time I watch this moment, I don't know whether to laugh like a maniac or heave the biggest sigh of my life. Even when you're being extremely generous with the show and its writing, there is no getting around the fact that this is as though someone wrote DEUS EX MACHINA all across the screen in bold, red letters. And again, I get why people thought this was the moment where the writers decided to do a 180 and turn Crow into a good guy instead of a dark signer due to the popularity of his cards or whatever. The production timeline still doesn't add up, but I get it. And cards or no cards, you can tell that someone made an out-of-left-field decision in Crow's writing for this moment to exist, because the way things were going for him before, purely based on visual evidence, it looked more like he was going to be another victim of the ominous black fog here, for someone (presumably Yusei) to have an angsty moment about later. (Or, hell, perhaps somewhere around this point, they decided that the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin would be a 3v1 turbo duel, which Aki, despite being a kickass duellist, categorically couldn't participate in because she doesn't have a license at this point! It could have been as simple as that.) To contextualise this, between Crow vanishing and him reappearing here, 7 whole episodes pass. He vanishes in episode 44 and reappears in episode 51. His saving grace is that all the duels in between canonically take place within the same night, which is why it's technically not unrealistic for him to be stuck in a fridge for a few hours. Technically. Ok, but what does he reappear for? Well, to have his very own dark signer duel, of course.

(Not pictured: Bommer's hilariously large runner.)

This is the first time we get to see Crow actively contributing to the larger plot, and in light of where he ends up later, I think this duel does a world of good for him. Firstly, it offers us more backstory (though still less than for the other signers), establishing why Crow's so attached to his orphans, why he's so close to Yusei, and throwing in tidbits like how he learned to read from duel monsters cards. It's "Save the Cat" moments all over, and it also does two other things well: For one, this is the only dark signer duel we get where both parties technically have the exact same goal—revenge. Bommer wants to avenge his hometown, Crow his kids. This duel, more than anything else, shows us that Crow could have become a dark signer—in a world where doing so didn't also mean destroying Satellite and killing his kids. Plus, it's the only duel against a dark signer we get that is fought and won by someone who, at this point, is not a signer. And this is especially important to me because it supports themes the show already began establishing with Rudger/Roman Goodwin and continues much later with Team Ragnarok and the likes: Fate is bullshit, the future is not set in stone, it is determined by what we do here and now and we have to fight to make it better. Therefore, contrary to what "fate" would dictate, Bommer/Greiger is not beaten by a signer. He's beaten by Crow. This is an extremely solid bit of writing that 100% supports the show's themes. (Arguably, this duel might have been even more solid if Crow hadn't actually turned into a signer, because him as a non-signer who stayed a non-signer would have been an even bigger "fuck you" to fate than him becoming the replacement fifth signer later.)

And, well, we know where Crow ends up after that. Seeing as he's been freed from fridge-prison and seeing as Aki doesn't have a runner yet, but the final boss duel is set up as a turbo duel, he joins the fray next to Yusei and Jack to fight Rex Goodwin. And the only thing this duel does for Crow character-wise is bring the whole Daedalus Bridge story full circle.

Which. Let me swing back to that for a second and put on my extra big nerd glasses because wouldn't you know it, I'm a greek mythology nerd and when I hear the name "Daedalus", I perk up like a dog that just spotted a piece of ham.

(Pictured: The least OSHA compliant bridge in the world, probably.)

So. As not to derail this with greek mythology, the short version of the Daedalus myth, as far as it's relevant here, for people who don't know it: Daedalus was a famed architect of Crete, who (among other things) built the labyrinth that kept the Minotaur imprisoned. What he also built was a pair of functional, sort-of mechanical wings held together by wax (because he needed to make a quick getaway at some point, but let's not go there). And he had a son: Icarus. Who famously donned the wings his father built and flew too close to the sun, which made the wax holding the wings together melt, causing him to fall into the sea and die, leaving his father to grieve.

I don't think it's hard to see how the Daedalus-Icarus story connects to the bridge. The Daedalus bridge is named after the genius inventor, reaches into the sky towards the sun, and our mechanical wings in this case are the wings attached first to Rex Goodwin's duel runner and then, you guessed it, the Blackbird. This would lead us to liken Rex Goodwin, of all people, to Icarus, then. And I'd argue the comparison works, too. See, the reason for which Goodwin actually built the bridge at first is left completely up in the air. We know that Crow believes a version wherein the "legendary duellist" wanted to build that bridge to reunite Satellite and the city—and the thing is, for all we know, that might be true. Goodwin never contradicts it, he only claims he was doing it to "oppose destiny" (read: follow Rudger/Roman's plan to take his brother's mark, assemble the signers and fight and win against the dark signers instead of having someone bear both a dark signer and a signer mark on themselves).

(Since when does becoming a dark signer make people swole, anyway? Where was that beef when Kiryu became a dark signer?)

Perhaps along the way, he thought he might as well reunite Satellite with the city, since things were already going to hell there. (Before he became director, which I find very interesting. Did the city decide immediately after the explosion that Satellite was contaminated and needed to be isolated or some such? Were efforts made to reunite city people with their relatives who might now have been stranded in Satellite? Did MIDS, hoping to cover up their mistake, lobby for cutting the Satellite off from the city? Was corruption involved? So many questions...) Or perhaps he simply built the bridge for himself, to get back to civilisation in order to follow his brother's plan and everyone else just interpreted it differently. It matters little—the only thing that matters is how Crow sees it. To him, building the bridge was obviously an attempt to reach the city, despite how hopeless things in Satellite seemed, and Goodwin's final ditch effort to jump off the bridge and "fly" on his duel runner was an act of defiance that turned him into a legend. Most importantly, both these things connect to freedom for Crow. Freedom from the misery in Satellite, freedom from sector security, and arguably, freedom from destiny. But then Goodwin tells him that all building the Daedalus Bridge and jumping off it did for him was teach him that destiny is inevitable. And Crow calls bullshit, because of course he does.

And I'd argue this is even more of a reason why Goodwin works as Icarus: He jumped off the bridge (flew too close to the sun), fell and lost his arm (the wax melted and he crashed into the sea), and ultimately, that fall completely changed his outlook on life and turned him from a (possible) hero into a villain (he "died", metaphorically speaking). This led to him now confronting every hopeful, younger person with the outlook that fate cannot be altered unless you're willing to sacrifice your very humanity itself. And there's Crow, a non-signer partaking in a "destined battle" only signers are supposed to be part of, calling bullshit on all of that merely by breathing.

(Bird boy is angry, watch out)

This moment could have been exemplary to emphasising the show's later themes (and I think to those who love Crow, it is), yet, at the same time, I understand why some people think the writers fumbled the ball with his introduction and role in the plot and cast of characters too much for it to hit as well as it could have. There is also the argument to be considered that the whole Daedalus Bridge-thing, though it might thematically fit Satellite, feels like it could have been written in solely to prop up Crow's character and give him something to clash with Goodwin about. Which, you know. I can't refute that, really. It might have been. And the timeline on Goodwin's shenanigans as the legendary duellist is a bit wonky, too, unfortunately—after all, we know only that the Zero Reverse happened 17 years before the show's start, when Yusei is only a year old. Crow's story would then lead us to believe that Goodwin, after somehow surviving that explosion, stayed in Satellite long enough to see it start turning into a floating heap of junk. (Which means this either happened very quickly or it took him a good few years to start building the bridge; both options have some logisitical issues.) Then he builds the bridge, gets cornered by security, jumps off, and... Then what? He looses his arm (but somehow manages to hold onto his brother's??), somehow makes it over to the city anyway (wow, he must be a great swimmer), then... manages to get hired by the public maintenance bureau somehow, only to climb the ranks at record speed and become director within only a few years? (Or did he meet Iliaster first and they somehow helped him climb to the city's political top?) It's all rather nebulous, and does suggest that Goodwin was not originally written with this bit as part of his backstory in mind. But can I prove that? Nope. Might also just be another instance of the writers fumbling the ball, despite having a solid story outline.

At the end of the day, Crow closes out the dark signers arc by establishing himself as a part of our team of heroes—which is, of course, strongly emphasised by him receiving the dragon's tail mark, while the dragon's head switches over to Yusei.

(The Crimson Dragon, probably: Oh, sod it. Fine, the other guy went batshit and you actually helped. Here's your mark. I'll get you a dragon later or whatever.)

Now, I know this in and of itself was already a polarising moment for people—and the funny thing is, I know that even some people who like Crow hated this moment. And I can see why. Crow's whole thing during the latter half of the DS arc up until here was that he was the only one taking part in the destined battle who was decidedly not destined to be a part of it. He was repeatedly spitting in fate's face, and as I mentioned, this could have been brilliant to throw some weight behind themes the show later brings up again. So in terms of character writing, this moment might have undermined Crow's character, rather than supported it, because it feels like less of a reward and more of a "gotcha": If you're extra uncharitable, Crow suddenly isn't the guy who defied fate and fought for the future (does that ring a bell?) anyway, he's the guy who was supposed to become a chosen one anyway and, like Yusei during the start of the Fortune Cup, simply didn't have a visible mark yet. However. There is also the bigger picture to consider. Character writing aside, Rudger/Roman Goodwin dying would have had a rather sizeable impact on the story, had nobody else become a signer in his stead—because there are supposed to be five signers and Rudger/Roman dying would have seen the group short one chosen one (and short one dragon, but we'll get to THAT can of worms in part two). So, to add my two cents for a minute, I don't think adding a new signer was a bad idea, per se. The execution of this move, however...

And I can hear you yelling. "Rua/Leo should have become a signer instead". And yes. I get that, too. And yes, I know Life Stream Dragon was teased before Black-Winged Dragon was ever conceived of, probably. So yes, Rua/Leo should have become a signer earlier. The question is just where. Because the way this final boss duel is set up, nobody could become an additional signer before this point, it would have turned Rex Goodwin's whole shindig on its head. (Even though the duel against Dimak/Devack could have been a good opportunity to reward Rua with a signer mark early.) Arguably, making Rua a signer instead but letting Crow join the main cast anyway could have made for a stronger showing overall. It would have made the twins harder to sideline the way they were later. And it would have kept Crow's "piss on fate"-theme.

But. This is what we got. Crow got a fast-paced introduction, was quickly made as likeable as possible, had an unfortunate stretch of episodes where he vanished very suspiciously (what I wouldn't give to know what decisions were made among the writers in that period), came back to make a very strong showing against Bommer/Greiger and then participate in the final boss duel against Rex Goodwin, where he got to shove his fate-nonsense back in his face, too. A smooth character arc? Hardly. And with everything laid out like this, I get why he rubbed some people the wrong way. Similarly, I get why he's some people's absolute favourite, though. Both sides have a basis in canon. (But please, let's not justify either with decade-old production conspiracy theories, okay?)

To close this out, allow me to do my thing for a moment and imagine a 5Ds canon where Crow was handled in a way that allowed his character to shine more, and maybe not piss as many people off.

Imagine a Crow who was there with Yusei from the start, alongside Nerve, Blitz, Taka, and Rally. A Crow who was, maybe, angrier at Jack for leaving and stealing Stardust than Yusei was, and who was determined to help his friend get his dragon back. A Crow who still had his kids to look after, and who introduced us to the Daedalus Bridge legend way earlier, to establish it as an organic part of Satellite culture, and who maybe drops hints about the Enforcers earlier, too. And we switch back to him every once in a while as the Fortune Cup is going on. Maybe he's the only one who's slippery enough to outrun Yaeger/Lazar's people when they come to capture Yusei's friends in order to use them as blackmail against him. And he starts looking for them, and runs into Saiga/Blister, and learns what's going on over in the city. Maybe he tries to follow Yusei because all of it rings alarm bells for him, maybe he doesn't because he figures security will be too tight now that Yusei has escaped. Instead of them stumbling out of a container to find TV conveniently playing the Fortune Cup Finale, Yusei's friends are found by Crow, who gets them back to the hideout, where they all catch the finale with Saiga/Blister. (Optional: If we want him to stay a signer, maybe he gets a weird feeling while watching the finale.) Then Yusei's suddenly back and Kiryu/Kalin's introduction proceeds as we know it. Yusei's injured, but Crow sticks around for a little longer, leaving only once he knows Yusei's gonna be fine. Then he decides that he needs to take up arms against the dark signers, too, because like hell is he gonna let anyone destroy Satellite and sacrifice his kids. He can still duel Yeager/Lazar while Aki and Yusei are duking it out in the hospital and the signers learn what the hell being a signer means, it matters little. Maybe this time, he outruns the black fog—barely—and there's no fridge. And he realises that stuff makes people vanish. While the signers start their big battle, he races back to check on the kids and finds the same disaster we already know, and everything else from there on out proceeds as previously. (Except that maybe, the first time Crow sees Jack again, he has some choice words for him for legging it to the city and stealing from Yusei.) Whether he turns into a signer at the end or not is up to preference, I think.

Nobody has to be on board with this version, but this is probably how I would have adjusted it to make things less jarring.

For now, see you in part two.

[sunny6677]

Spookytale: The Rewrite.

Spooky Month x Undertale crossover.

Summary:

After hearing the call of a strange, hypnotizing flute—Skid awakes to find himself laying on a bed of golden flowers—with several others surrounding him, and a strange bright light he hadn't seen before beaming it's rays down.

Meanwhile, John—who has no idea how any of them ended up in this strange place, attempts to guide the group to a way out. But he finds himself going on a journey he never thought he'd ever find himself on.

PROLOGUE, PART 2: Panic.

( @mayisgoingnuts @crossover-enthusiast @facelessthefreak @dexter-apologist-5000 )

————

..John, despite the aching pain he felt in his head and all over his body, was able to vividly recall what had took place. Even though he shouldn't have—considering the impact of the fall appeared to be very long—judging from the distance between the ground and the hole.

He shouldn't have survived. None of them should have survived. He didn't think anyone would actually survive when he found his work at the station interrupted by the distant noise of a soft flute. Playing the same eery tune.

He felt himself sent into a panic—rushing around the corridors as the melody sounded in the air. He burst into the main area of the station where his partner had sat with the phone ringing continously in his hand.

He had screamed that the piper was back. And after that, they.. and sort of rushed out toward the vehicle outside of the station and dashed toward the forest. They ended up finding Ms. Lila's kid sobbing on the sidewalk, and picked him up to keep him safe since he was the one unaffected.

And.. well.. after that, it got kind of blurry. Either the kid had run out at some point and they went after him. Or he had ran in while they were confronting Piper.

Regardless, all John remembered was Jack just shooting at Piper, and then..

Well—the music defintely wasn't coming from him, seeing as it kept playing. All John remembered was them staring at the hole. And then everything fading to darkness.

And then the next thing he knew, he.. just woke here. A few moments ago in fact. His eyes barely spreading open as the light from up above filled his sensitive eyes.

For a moment, he glanced behind himself. On the flooring that wasn't covered by a patch of green, there was simple stone ground leading up to a long dark hallway up ahead. The hallway made him feel a chill run down his spine, and swallowing, he looked away.

He stared longer around the area. Everyone in town that he knew appeared to be here. Ms. Lila, her kid, that candy kid, and.. well, from what it seemed, none of them were under that melody's influence anymore. Judging by the clearer stare in their eyes, and the confused expressions on their faces rather than ones of shocked bliss.

"Ra—Rad?"

He heard a familiar voice speak softly from behind him. Seemingly not to him. But the sound of the voice caused him to snap his head in it's direction as everyone spoke out of turn. Different voice grunting from all sides of the room.

"Wil—wha.. what's going on?"

"..uh.. I dunno. Skid—do you know?"

"No. I just heard weird music and everyone started following it. It wasn't spooky at all. It was-a scary.."

"..kids?"

"Kevin!"

"..what the—where.. how did I end up here?! What—what is this place?!"

"..Streber?"

"..wh.. mmh.. Eth—Ethan..?"

"Wh.. what are you two weird kids doing here?! Where'd you take us?!"

John, despite the many voices echoing echoing around him, managed to tune them out. And focused on the familiar source of the voice he had heard. In the corner up against the wall. A small, long-faced boy with a dimple on the right side of his face—his hair made into blonde girls and his blue cap laying on the flower bed. Alongside a taller young man with curls of blonde hair, and a dimple on the left side of his face.

The younger man forced himself upward by prodding his elbows against the ground, grunting. "..ughh.."

The small boys eyes trailed over him, his mouth slightly hanging open as he did so. Finally, after a moment, the younger man's eyes darted toward him. And his eyes quickly became wide. "Wh—what the—Robert? Dude—what are you doing here? You.."

He stopped. His eyes scanning around the area. "..where.. what is this place?"

"I—I don't know. I just.."

The smaller boy paused. His eyes now wide. It was only after a moment of standing that John realized the boy was now staring back at him.

Immediately gaining his senses back, John walked foward—forcing himself to ignore the ache in his legs.

"..un—uncle John? What—" Robert stuttered, his face now worried sick and his mouth twisted into a frown of concern. "What are you doing here? How did we—"

"I.. I dunno, kid. I really don't." Johns eyes scanned around the area once more. He saw a black haired man with a round face and a missing arm being helped up by another more gothic-looking guy. Jack slowly helping up Patty who had apparently been in the corner.

He went quiet, and sighed. "Look—just—just stay calm, okay?"

He then turned around. Everyone appeared to either be helping themselves up, glancing around in confusion or on the verge of having a panic attack, or clearly still passed out.

Lifting his hands, he grunted out, "Okay—people, I need you to stay calm." His voice rang out among the several others that mingled together, all of which seemed to slightly hush upon noticing he was speaking.

"Do—do any of you actually remember how you got down here?"

Silence filled the air. Everyone looked around in confusion. A soft voice from a young girl in the corner spoke up.

"..uh.. I don't. All I remember was that I was just drawing, and then.. I.. I heard something. And everything went dark."

"Yeah." A kid in a pumpkin mask nodded, "I was playing in my room, and then I heard a song."

"Okay. Is.. is that true for everyone else here?"

The silence appeared to signal a yes, as they simply glanced around at eachother in quietness.

"..I see. Well.."

John spun around with a slight huff. "Al—Alright, I'm.. I'm not really sure how to tell you how y'all got down here. Honestly, I'm.. not even sure what actually happened. Does anyone remember anything different?"

The room was filled by people either shaking their heads, or giving a verbal refusal.

"..well.. alright. Okay—just.. gimme a second, people—alright? I'll talk with my partner about what to do. Don't panic yet. Just sit tight til we figure out what to do."

Voices of soft protest began to erupt—some either protesting directly against what he had said, and others simply talking to whoever was next to them.

"Wh—what?!" He heard the candy kid yell out, "How are we supposed to stay calm?! We literally—"

"Mom—what's.. what's going on?"

"Hold on, hold on—we can't just—!"

"People—people. Just stay calm—I'll figure things out. We—"

"Ugh.. why did we have to get stuck down here with you—plebians?! What's happening?!"

"Wait—there's a hallway right there, isn't it? Why can't we just go through that?"

"Dude, that's just gonna lead to one of us going missing like in one of the horror movies!"

..John let out a long sigh, quietly approaching Jack who stood beside Patty. A frown curled on his thin lips, with Patty who was practically slumped against his shoulder.

John muttered, "You okay, Patty?"

"..yeah." Flatly, Patty said. "I'm fine."

"What.. what are we gonna do?" Jack softly inquired, lifting his head in Johns direction.

John hesitated, before letting out yet another sigh.

"..I guess we're just gonna have to figure that out."

Grumbling a bit, his eyes darted toward the ceiling of.. whatever it was they were in again. The dark rock from above made it appear as if they were inside something. And they most likely were. The only possible conclusion he could come to was that they were beneath a cave of some sort, or a mountain.

But.. that wasn't possible. They fell through a hole that was in the grass of the forest. They hadn't gone to a mountain or a cave at all. At least.. he didn't remember doing so.

..he needed to find some solution here. And fast.

————

..the area around them as completely filled with soft chattering as Skid sat beside his friend. Who had comfortably shifted next to him and his mom, along with Susie who appeared to be fidgeting with her hands and anxiously glancing around.

Skid wanted to know why they were here or what the music had even led them to. The slight panic he felt was somewhat calmer now. To be honest, the area looked pretty spooky with how dark it was.

From all around him—different voices chattered at once, discussing possible scenarios or just what to do in general. It was only after a while as the dampness hung in the air that a gruff, masculine voice spoke up from the farther end of the room.

"Okay.. everyone—everyone."

Everyone appeared to slightly hush, some either still talking or slowly looking over at him. The black haired one shifted beside him on his left, holding a stern expression on his face.

When the room became quiet enough, the sheriff grunted, "Okay.. I'm not sure how many of you noticed, but there's a hallway right behind us." He gestured in it's direction. "I dunno what it might lead to. But.. incase there's a way out, me and my partner will go check."

"Wai—wait.." The man with the movie glasses on stuttered, "But—but what if there's something dangerous back there? You might get hurt!"

"Son, we have guns." Huffed the officer. "It'll be fine. If there's anything dangerous, we'll let you know."

The officer let out a long sigh again. The round headed man with red glasses and a missing limb spoke again, his somewhat nasally voice speaking up over the several others.

"Wa—wait—what are we supposed to do if you don't come back? What if something bad happens to us if you go off?"

"..I'm.. I'm not sure. But—just stay put. If you think somethings gonna happen, then feel free to get up and go wherever we went."

"..mmh.."

The Gothic man from beside him gently asked him if we was okay, and John looked around. The balding man from before still hadn't woken up yet. And several people still spoke all at once.

..this seemed sort of familiar to Skid. Not the experience itself, but rather the situation. And in all honesty, he wasn't sure why.

The brown haired officer finally turned around, the black haired one slowly turning at the same rate.

"Just stay put, okay?"

The officer huffed, now facing the darkness of the narrow hallway—the dark shadows seeming eager to swallow them whole as they let out a sigh.

"We'll be back in a second."

[etho-slabbers]

I've done it for lifesteal so I think I should do it for hermitcraft... sooo,, what I think every hermit would choose in infinite realms and (maybe) why.

warning, infinite realms spoilers lie ahead.

(any names or terms I use will be explained under cut/in a reply to this post)

Bdubs- classer 100% he would choose either a gardener based class, along the lines of Ender Ornn's one or he's a builder,,, (actually he could also be a formations master, which is cultivation but he might be that too.) His secondary is definitely skills though, no doubt, he probably advances them like Zenker does.

Cub- He would be a cultivator with a secondary focus as classer 'cause he wants the perks from it. Probably on a path based around speed and empowering himself.

Doc- he's a mainly a skill user with a secondary of cultivation. He's on a destructive path, like Ryun or Tali's main paths, his second path is formations, like Eratemus.

Etho- pure skills user, like zenker. Actually, quite like zenker, but he probably did it abit faster. He spent ages building his skills up and locking in parts of himself. He is most likely an explorer.

False- classer, with a sword based class. (I don't watch false sorry </3)

Gem- cultivator, like Anrosh but kinda better, she got her own inspiration. Uses class as secondary, finds it more useful. Main weapon is a sword. Uses a formation based secondary path.

gonna make this a multi-part thing, I wanna keep rereading the book >:3.

EXPLANATIONS. (some haven't come up yet it's just so I can just link this post to all of these & add any extras here too.)

classers get perks every 5(?) levels and get 6 stat points each time, 3 are allocated to their primary and secondary attributes and the other 3 are free. They get a class evolution every 60 levels (I think) and get a class defining perk 30 levels after that. Classes are based on achievements and influence from inside.

Cultivators advance through realms, starting at early mortal and finishing at peak eternal. Each realm has three stages, early, mid and peak. They require inspiration to advance through realms, inspiration can be shared but doing so cripples the cultivator to never be able to change techniques or gain their own inspiration again. Paths influence from outside.

Skills require understanding to advance, to advance a skill you must understand how it works and you must understand yourself. To make a tier 6 skill, you must lock in part of yourself, that part can't change.

Formations- essence arranged by a cultivator to do something, such as working as a TV or to send signals from place to place. They can do basically anything.

Focus madness- having focuses too close in tiers of power, pushing and pulling. Makes the holder insane, driven to do only what the core concepts of their, class/path and twists the wording of locked skills.

Essence- what everything in the infinite realm is made of literally, from the ground to the concept of space itself. It is also used as currency. Cultivators can pull it into their core, they can also pull only certain ones in based on their qi aspect.

Aspect- what taints a cultivator's qi.

Qi- power source of a cultivator.

Ranker- someone who comes from an iteration, their wasn't always part of the framework.

Framework- what gives the ability for classes, paths and skills to even exist.

Sect- a primarily cultivator faction.

Sect head- leader/owner of a sect.

Sect leader- helps the sect head run the sect.

Runes- like really simple formations, requires a part of your soul to be infused to work.

Twin aspects of true death- Formerly the aspect of true death itself. Also formerly held by Ryun and Melody. Currently held by Ryun and Selia.

Ender Ornn- Ender Ornn Dagada. Classer. Olriginally found by Kayra Ornn, with his garden. I think he was a ranker. Originally focus mad. Died to Ra' azel.

Zenker- Zenker Brokentail, a full skill user. Reached the peak of skills. Died to Hastur.

Ryun- Ryun Nacht Wol. Cultivator. 7th iteration ranker. Killed everyone on a planet besides Zacharia Gardener. One half of the twin aspects of true death (Reaper). Sect head of the Twilight Melody Sect. Alive.

Tali- Antalien Far Sola Wol. Cultivator. Ruler of the empty skys. Formerly crippled cultivator and slave, for about 500 years. Freed by Ryun. Alive??, captured by Ra'azel.

Anrosh- Anrosh Kesh Wol. Cultivator. Sect leader of the Twilight Melody Sect. Second in command. Raised by Ryun, after she asked, to protect the sect better. Alive.

Melody- Classer. Former Scythe of true death. Ryun's former partner. Killed by governor on earth. (unsure of last name)

Selia- Selia Ha Jhan-Ekoa. Cultivator. Current Scythe of true death. Alive.

Kayra Ornn- Kayra Ornn Dagada. Classer. 3rd iteration ranker. Formerly of House Ornn in the 3rd empire. currently of the Dagada family in the Twilight Melody Sect. Alive.

Ra' azel- Yeti of a old framework attempt. Otherwise known as the Runesmith. Freed by Zacharia Gardener. Absolute menace (/hj)

Hastur- 11th dome leader. Based on lovecraftian horror.

Zacharia Gardener- Classer. 7th iteration ranker. Formerly the No.1 Ryun Nacht hater. Oldest chosen in the infinite realm. Got stuck in a mind-palace for 5000 years and can't remember most before it. Alive.

[rayadraws]

I recently read a book about motivation and I found it quite interesting - and couldn't help but see a lot of parallels related to artists and art block. I thought I would share some of the points the book makes, which might be interesting for artists, writers and other creative people.

Motivation

We need motivation to start on and continue working on a task. We can find our motivation in different things, each with good and bad side effects - some of them have a tendency to shift our focus (for instance if you're motivated by feedback/praise you may end up spending more energy chasing that than at the task at hand).

Motivation can broadly be divided into external and internal.

External - rewards, compliments, likes

Internal - your own drive to do/finish a meaningful task

When possible, internal motivation tends to work better than external motivation, we’re more tenacious when our motivation comes from ourselves rather than outside sources. Internal motivation is strengthened by:

- Learning to master a new skill

- Experiencing autonomy (making your own decisions, this is self-rewarding)

- Being part of a community

- Feedback from others

- Performing a task that's suitable for our skill level/previous experience

- Getting to choose your own task

By contrast, external motivation can consist of:

- Bribes, such as treating yourself after finishing a task. This is a double-edged sword - it will further convince your mind that the task isn't worth doing for its own sake, but if the alternative is that you won't finish the task at all this is a better alternative.

- Grades, can motivate but also cause stress and be associated with personal worth, which is detrimental. If you can view grades as neutral feedback you can utilize them best.

- Social influence, such as not wanting to disappoint others. Can strengthen internal motivation but also cause fear or an unwillingness to challenge yourself in case you fail.

- Status, power, money, you can become addicted to these factors.

If you want to be more motivated you need to first understand why your motivation is lacking in the first place. A common issue is that you're too worried about what others think about you.

Self-worth & the idea of talent

There is also our feelings of self-worth and how capable we view ourselves that influence our motivation. If we knock ourselves down ("I bet I can't do it anyway") it'll lower our chances of success. If we believe in ourselves and our skills we're more likely to succeed.

When possible it's valuable to have a role model, having one can motivate us a lot. Is there none? Perhaps you'll be the first role model for others following in your footsteps.

In modern society we often put the idea of "talent" on a piedestal, of having been given the gift of expertise without putting in the hard work. In truth no such kind of talent exists, expertise comes from hard effort.

We also have to watch out for over-commitment, which can lead to stress, exhaustion and anxiety. Two major risk factors are the feeling of being watched/judged and a lack of balance, typically the concept of talent again - the end result should be perfect, but should also appear as if it took no effort, an impossible task. The concept of talent leads us to the next point:

Deliberate practice

There is the concept of deliberate practice, meaning that how we practice is more important than how often we do it. You can spearhead your growth by making your practice intense, conscious and tenacious. To use drawing as an example, you'll learn more by practicing something you feel uncertain about than just repeating what you already know. Likewise, learning more about different fields/parts/subjects makes us more well-rounded in general. For instance, if you learn to draw one kind of animal it'll be easier to draw animals related to that one. Learn to draw a completely different animal from the first one and you'll struggle less with animals related to that one too. We grow and learn the most when we manage to find the right balance of staying inside and stepping outside our comfort zone.

You can think about how video games are set up and draw comparisons with a good way of learning a skill - you start at an easy level, gradually add more challenges and focus on your progress rather than your mistakes (just don't fall into the trap of a bonus system of quick rewards).

Our brains need to be challenged to grow, but we also need time to recover. In other words, alternate between trying new things and doing what's familiar.

If you are putting a lot of effort into a task it's a sign that you're learning. If things are too easy it's time to raise the difficulty.

Mindset

Mindset is about how you react to when things go well - and when they go badly. You can't change your mindset before you're aware of it.

We have a tendency to let feedback we receive (or lack thereof) colour our feelings of self-worth. Viewing your accomplishments as part of your personal worth is a surefire way to ruin your motivation, your tenacity and eventually your health.

A poor view of your self-worth also steals a lot of energy. You view your skill as a personality trait and base your inherent value on the feedback of others, such as the number of likes you receive. You run a higher risk of failing a task if you’ve tied it to your self-image or if you're addicted to praise.

On the other hand, positive affirmations are actually not as helpful as we’re often told, they mostly reassure people who are already very confident. High confidence is not automatically tied to successful accomplishments but can be a source of joy and determination - though that confidence can be at risk of quickly shattering if things don't go as we hoped.

Focus

When we pick up a new hobby we're often very motivated at first. This tends to stem from being at a suitable challenge level for our skill level, we get in the "flow" and we can easily see/follow our progress at mastering a new skill.

Over time it becomes more challenging to balance our challenge level with our skill level, risking us growing bored or frustrated. To counteract this, learn to compare yourself only with your own growth, not anyone else's, it’s not relevant to you.

Feedback

Contrary to what one might think, feedback is not always helpful. We're often already aware of our mistakes and having them pointed out is not helpful unless we ask for it.

Negative feedback is much more helpful if it leaves room to adjust/fix the issue, otherwise it's not really helpful. Mark the difference between small slips (not worth bringing up) and mistakes (that can be corrected).

Many of us are addicted to praise. It gives us a form of external reward, feedback and it makes us feel valuable, but there's risks too, such as setting too high expectations and thinking you only have value while you're productive.

Feedback associated with our feelings of self-worth, like "I'm the best", adds nothing. Focus on your achievement, not your self-image. If you view failed tasks as failures of yourself as a person you'll run a high risk of giving up. Constantly focusing on high achievements will eventually lead to exhaustion.

Giving feedback to someone else:

- Be gentle

- Help a person stuck in a negative spiral to formulate a less destructive way of thinking of themselves

- A failure is just a failure, it doesn't define a person

- Keep offering praise even if the recipient isn't used to it and try to wave it away

- Usually we should focus on the achievement, not the person, but it's fine to also give person-based praise sometimes ("you're the best!"), as long as it's not always the main focus

Source: 'Motivated' by Alva Appelgren

[aluckiicoin]

Gua can't really write yet, but he has learnt how to send voice messages. It's sometimes easier to say things that way than doing it face-to-face. He hesitates for a moment, but then he presses send.

[msg -> Ven]: «voice message»

"Hi, I don't know how to s-start, but I feel like this n-n-needs to be said. I don't think you hate me or anything, but I don't w-want to come in the w-way between you and Sampo. I know he wants me to s-s-stay, but you don't seem to want me around, which is f-fine, I totally understand that, no hard f-feelings or anything. Just... let me know if you want me to leave. I don't w-w-want to cause problems and I can handle myself on my own and Sampo can find another kid, a better one, if he w-wants to. Maybe you two can even get a baby together, you could raise that baby as your own instead of having me. I'm not w-w-worth any trouble. So... just let me know and I'll leave, okay."

He was out and about in the cold, hurrying from one appointment to the next when his beacon gave out the shrill sound that signalled an incoming message. It wasn't the melody he had assigned to his dear rat, neither the blaring sirens that would signal a work message. So, it left either spam – fairly unlikely given Jarilo-VI was still rather unknown and the few sources of scam mails would also know him and his number and therefore not dare to cross his established influence. In the end he found shelter underneath a roof over another person's doorway to read the words directed at him. Then he had to find out that it was not a written message at all. It was a rather long voice mail or voice message from no other than the Foxian Sampo had taken in. Little Guā had reached out to him in word not text. Aventurine was completely unprepared to what he would have to listen to. It was... heartbreaking, really. With the words spoken his grip around the beacon intensified. Ah, it was his fault, really. While his dear thief was always warm and open – he was quite the opposite. No matter how grand and flashy his persona was, outside of the spotlight the blonde was cautious, aloof and... somewhat reclusive. Yet he certainly did not want to give off the impression that he did not want the boy around. He could however see how the young one came to the conclusion. It was his avoidance, probably. The gambler was always worried to make things worse given he had no experience with actually raising a child. Everything he knew and learned were things coming from a far darker place than he would like Guā to be. Now, how was he supposed to answer that message? There were no proper words to begin with, especially not over phone and telling the boy they had to talk would likely only increase the anxiousness. So he settled on the snowed in steps, sighing deeply, a hand rubbing against his eyes. He could do this. Avgin were supposed to have silver tongue after all.

“I am aware a voice message might be easier for you but this is hardly something that should be discussed via phone.”, he started, leaving the statement as an message as it was before settling onto explaining further. “Neither of us wants a baby. And I will not tell you to leave. But – I will tell you to remember this because we will have to talk about it in person when I return.”, even if neither of them would be happy about doing so.

[feminaferitas]

supernatural/monster au character backgrounds

v: it's not evil - just hungry, available for shauna/jackie/misty/nat note: full background/social and timeframe setting for verse/threads is flexible dependent on plotting with partner

Cast: Shauna the psychopomp, Jackie the siren, Natalie the dhampir, Misty the hag-touched.

Shauna Shipman: Psychopomp

A psychopomp, or in essence, a reaper, is a melancholy and misunderstood figure. Associated with death but never the cause of it, Shauna is feared all the same. She arrives at the site of death and quietly begins the work of preparing the soul for its next stage of being. She does not judge or condemn the dead, but simply makes the transition to the afterlife a little easier, perhaps a little kinder. Her hunter's knife is the scythe by which she severs the threads to the mortal plane, whether or not there is a body left to carve. It is somber, solitary work to clean up the place where a life once was, but she dutifully does her work no matter how many believe her to be a butcher.

Shauna often does not know those she is tasked with ferrying, but if she learns anything of them, she writes down details of who they once were in her journal. Much of a life is lost to time, but she tries to remember the ones she helps.

She sometimes takes the form of her young self, and sometimes she is older, but Shauna exists outside of linear time and most frequently appears to be her teenage self (even if she never really was a teenager). She can also manifest in animal forms, occasionally a deer or a flock of birds waiting just beyond the body.

Shauna doesn't appear naturally to the living, unless they have some connection to the otherworldly -- the killers, those who have had near-death experiences, and others who have witnessed a lot of death may be included in this, but there isn't an exact science to it.

Jackie Taylor: Siren

What she lacks in skill and acuity she makes up for in influence. Sirens have that sort of hold on people, after all. For the longest time, Jackie never really understood why she always got what she wanted -- she just knew the universe conspired to make it happen. It wasn't until she told a guy in high school to "go fuck himself" that she finally realized there was something more to her words and her voice. That said, not everything she says is compelling -- Jackie has learned to hone "the voice" she uses to influence and beguile. In the meantime, it doesn't hurt she's gorgeous and well-liked. And that wasn't because she forced anyone to believe it... right?

Contrary to popular belief, she's not the type of siren that people think should be related to mermaids. They're more classically bird-women, but Jackie doesn't manifest any avian traits (apart from sometimes getting really sharp manicures, but that's purely aesthetic).

Jackie is skilled in vocal mimicry and even if she's not the world's best singer, her influencing abilities can be dangerous to weak-minded individuals. If she's swapped spit with you too, she's likely to have a stronger hold. If she's silenced, gagged, made to bite her own tongue, or deafened, her powers lose their effect.

Jackie also has synesthesia and can clearly see and distinguish the source of sounds (granted that they're not overpowering -- she can be prone to overstimulation).

Natalie Scatorccio: Dhampir

A cursed child often born of a vampiric father and a human mother. A mix of both worlds, belonging to neither. Natalie has always been an outcast in every sense of the word, right down to her very biology. And as she slowly learned the truth about her parentage, things began to become clearer. As vampiric offspring are wont to do, Nat was responsible for the death of her father, but it didn't do anything to solve her own affliction. It did, however, free her mother from his thrall -- but her mother still resents her daughter for what she did, even if it was ultimately a good thing.

As a dhampir, she has a weakened mix of the strengths and vulnerabilities as a vampire (though of course, stakes to the heart and decapitation will do the trick). Natalie is prone to sunburns and is sensitive to light, but is slightly stronger, faster, and more durable than humans. Religious iconography does still impact her, though she does not need invitation over thresholds and is not weak to running water.

Her blood and bile are toxic to full-blooded vampires, and her own appetite for carnage can mostly be suppressed, but she does still need to drink blood every so often, especially when injured or weak. (This is a mix of dhampir lore sources, I don't love when they're just All Vampire Awesomeness with No Weaknesses.)

Natalie will stop aging on a human timescale when she hits adulthood, if she lives that long. In the meantime, she indulges in nightlife, intoxicants, and other experiences to try to numb the pain and distract from the fact there's nowhere she truly belongs.

Misty Quigley: Hag-touched

She wasn't born a witch, and she's not innately magical. But Misty saw the sorts of powers that existed just beyond the fingertips of most normal lives and wanted some of it for herself. For those who aren't lucky enough to have natural magic, well, there's always a hag coven. Misty found a gathering of powerful women who were willing to make a bargain and bring the blonde into their society. And Misty prefers this type of wicked handiwork to simply waving fingers and casting spells. Just... don't leave strands of hair or fingernail clippings where she can find them for her "experiments".

Inspired by various hag folklore and D&D depictions, Misty's magic is based in exchange and component value -- she excels in curses, inconveniences, and changes in fortune, but she's not entire malevolent. She isn't wholly benevolent either, extracting some sort of price from those who seek her aid. And if they don't, she just has fun making whatever mischief she can -- often targeting individuals to whom she later proposes the solution to their woes.

Also, not all hags are old and ugly -- Misty resents that idea, thank you!

[emotionally-charged-arson]

Political Machinations, Source (Ayreon) Edition

Have some headcanons.

Whatever country on Alpha the story takes place in is a presidential democracy. You never really get into specifics, but there’s two “abnormal” points to consider: legislation moves considerably faster than, say, the US system, and immigrants are allowed to run for president so long as they are naturalized citizens having lived in the country for ten years.

About two years pre-‘Frame takeover, the dominant political party was a group of standard pro-industrialization idiots, whose actions had just come back to bite them in the ass what with the pollution and withdrawal of aid from international powers over petty fights and such. The president (not Russell) eventually resigned halfway through his term in total defeat, kickstarting a new election. This is done two years after another abrupt resignation by Simone Simons (Counselor), his personal therapist, who saw how volatile things had become in the political sphere and didn’t want to be involved anymore.

The next most powerful party in government for the last five years had been a group called the Conservationists, environmentalists led by The Opposition Leader, who we’ll just call Tommy, an argumentative political minister with a history of ecoterrorism early in his career. This is where most of the album characters naturally place their loyalties, on account of them being mostly scientists who like the focus on rejection of unnecessary technology and healing of the planet and such. Said characters form a sort of “inner circle,” existing outside of politics but still using influence to push the party’s agenda, sometimes using underhanded tactics:

The Biologist (Floor) is the technical founder of the party, organizing support and pushing Tommy into politics a little over ten years pre-TDTTWD. She continues influencing policy, public image and recruitment.

The Captain (Tobias) is an engineer with billions in inheritance money and influence over the space program he’s happy to drain into the cause, so long as they entertain his ideas of leaving Alpha entirely. They have an odd, careful agreement that they’ll let him go nuts with his exodus spaceship antics, but only if things are REALLY hopeless. He has personal motivation as well, having known Tommy for over almost twenty years.

He’s also unintentionally helpful to public opinion of the party, as he’s native to the country, while the other “bosses” (Tommy and Floor), are both immigrated.

The Historian (James) conducts funded research in environmental history at the capital city university lots of characters are affiliated with. He’s publicly affiliated with the party, leaving him on thin ice with said uni (on account of them desperately accepting funding from shady sources that support “over-evolution” and rejection of natural preservation as a necessity. This leads to to massive bias in research and teaching within the institution, sometimes going as far as outright censorship). But he’s crafted a very odd strategy to support the Conservationists and still keep his position, that is publishing work with wildly opposing viewpoints so the school can’t accuse him of leaning one way or the other. So like, he’ll write a scathing commentary on increasing lack of breathable air in lower city levels and its causes, and before he can be targeted for it he’ll whip out a journal article about how it’s actually totally fine if all the fish are dying because it’s good for the economy. He feigns neutrality through pure confusion while the actual party uses select research of his to promote their cause.

The Astronomer (Hansi) is in a similar predicament. He’s a high level professor with ties to Floor, who abandoned a teaching career herself to join in on Tommy’s politics and tried to take Hansi with her. He refused initially, too attached to his job security to take a risk like that. He did eventually join in, but only after the party came to more substantial power (and when the state of the planet got substantially worse). His situation is a peculiar one, though. He’s still intent on keeping his job, but uses it for the party’s benefit. In short he preaches their ideology in his completely unrelated astronomy classes, in hopes of educating and swaying younger people (often coming from very wealthy backgrounds) to their efforts. Amazingly, he’s been able to do this for years without being suspected on a large scale. Floor is the only one that even knows about his involvement.

The Prophet and The Preacher (Nils and Zaher) are exactly that. Religious figures that run a local, newly popular religion related to the Universal Migrator.

The Migrator’s existence is a relatively new discovery, made at this capital university, and the nature of it caused people to question already established religions on Alpha. It’s an actual answer to the deepest questions in the known universe, and it destabilized faith in other higher powers while spawning a religion of its own, with Zaher being one of its earliest public figures. A few years later, Nils gained his prescience spontaneously, and attributed it to The Migrator which he learned about through his research in theoretical astronomy. In reality Nils’ visions and the Migrator have almost no relation (it’s actually Time Telepathy but that’s a whole other can of worms), but it’s not like HE knows that. He leaves the university, declares his faith and starts working with Zaher to spread it.

The religion’s popularity skyrockets once Nils gets involved. His visions are, apparently, founded in reality. All at once, the Migrator’s existence and power is proven while also appearing to have more spiritual qualities than its hardcore scientific discovery likes to admit.

More importantly, those visions validate practically everything the Conservationists promote (the end of the world via technology, etc), and at Tommy’s request Nils and Zaher affiliate themselves with him. The party now appeals to a new and LARGE demographic, even if it alienates members of other religions. At this point the Migrator one has become the dominant faith in the country anyways.

Everything is great. We’re influencing politics in a real way. We’re making progress.

Except we’re not doing it fast enough.

So says Russell, some GUY who shows up out of nowhere trying to run for president when Tommy would otherwise have campaigned completely unopposed. His whole shtick, of course, is using the Frame to solve all the world's problems and he presents it in a very hopeful and upbeat tone. He’s recruited the singular competent person from the previous presidential administration, The Diplomat (Mike), who had lots of public favor given that he was the one keeping the shitshow in one piece for years on end. Mike vouches for him and this is very helpful but it’s supplementary to Russell's specific talents.

Against the Conservationists-their endless funding, big name supporters and heaps of evidence and political experience-Russell has something none of them do, even the previous president before him: the ability to pacify the public. Tommy and Floor, two people with insane and unchecked environmental anxiety, are very prone to using scare tactics in their politics. Promises of Alpha's destruction if they don’t heed their warnings combined with Tommy's aggressive rhetoric and tone of voice. The previous president loved deflection and false promises, standard government official behavior. But Russell is a calming, charismatic and genuinely positive person that seems almost docile next to the others, and in that he’s the 'comfortable' option. He makes people feel safe and is offering a fast, even possible solution to their suffering. People LOVE him.

This whips everyone into a panic. The Conservationists supposedly know that the Frame will turn on humanity and out of their fear, that gradually becomes the main focus of their campaign. So much power is turned against Russell that they seem even more aggressive to people than they did before, no matter what they stand for and they start losing credibility. Eventually, obviously, Russell obtains the presidency, a month before TDTTWBD.

As a show of good faith, the losers are invited to Russell's inauguration. Floor, the more reasonable of her group, is hopeful that if they play along for a while then they can corner Russell and talk him out of his Frame plan. All that goes down the drain when Russell lets a snarky comment slip during his speech and Tommy, hopeless and erratic, starts beating his lights out in public. Him and several higher ups on his side are arrested for attempted assassination, setting off a domino effect of trials and investigations (including Hansi and James) over the next few weeks as the party is legally dissolved.

From there, into the main plot, viewpoints of characters begin to unravel. Russell's whole Frame plan existed because he KNEW there was no other option, and soon enough Floor starts understanding that. All of a sudden as the literal apocalypse rages outside, Tobias’ plan has become the most reasonable, the Nils’ visions shift accordingly. Tommy is released from death row on Russell’s orders, and a hinge point of the two’s conflict is wondering if he did that out of actual compassion or because he knew Tommy would have done far more damage as a martyr. Everyone gets to grapple with how little the work they poured their lives into mattered now that Alpha is gone.

Et cetera, et cetera. Sorry I didn’t talk about Chemist, maybe he’ll have his own post. Man is his own mess that doesn’t even become plot relevant until Star of Sirrah.

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Eeeeee I never know if my rambles are any good but here is me doing a sort of study into Dazai and Ranpo kinda analyzing their intelligence.

Could it be completely wrong... yeah... is it a bit of a personal take... kinda... did I kinda do some research? I did actually but surface level.

It's 1,667 words : )

Confidence to post this from my moot @pompompurin1028

Character studies:

Dazai and Ranpo

Dazai and Ranpo are both incredibly interesting characters. In more than one way they remind me of one another. The two are both highly intelligent and it's hard to say which would outsmart the other considering their intelligence differences.

Dazai is shown to be more of a mastermind. His intelligence is specific and direct. He bases predictions on the observations of people and the natural order of how a person operates. It's almost philosophical in a way. There's this certain disconnect to the world.

While on the other hand, Ranpo shares a similar disconnect but in a very different manner. Ranpo's definite is being able to observe and connect quickly. Hexs somebody who is hyper-observant and his brain processes information quickly and efficiently. He can "see through" people because he observes the smallest details most wouldn't notice. He can't actually do anything without evidence. We see his downfall with the perfect crime. However, through observing outside information from the crowd to things he noticed and looked around he was still able to find the murderer. Be it he did this a bit slower than he is used to he solved something that nobody else in this universe would have been able to solve.

It's arguable that perhaps Dazai may have been able to but I'd say because Dazai is oriented towards predictability and problem-solving he wouldn't have been able to find the perpetrator. Dazai would have observed that something was wrong, it was too perfect. There was a lack of evidence. Yes, you can create a perfect crime but Dazai most likely would have found something up with the scenario and looked for an ability that would have caused this.

My basis for why this sort of scenario would take Dazai longer is purely in the way we have seen him act. When it came to seeing Ranpo work he was rather impressed and admits to admiring him. It's not direct but the panel says "why ranpo is admonished by the agency." If Dazai didn't also think he was impressive then these words would have had a different spacing or flow and different words completely. I genuinely think Dazai in a way sees his flaws as being backed up by Ranpo.

Both are incredibly intelligent and have been such since they were small children.

The only difference is their environment.

The environment a child grows in and learns has a large impact on the development of their intellectual capabilities.

I don't think the Dazai we see today is the same type of smart as the Dazai we see in 15.

(Welcome to Lu losing their academic sources : (... oops )

I read in some studies that a child with an above-average IQ that is nurtured and has positive influences even when faced with trauma will develop an outlook that allows them to slip better into society and feel less estranged from others. Ranpo is a fine example of this. He suffered a great trauma with the loss of his parents but because of Fukuzawa, he was raised in those important teen years by somebody who nurtured and gave him hope allowing him to "fit in" his intelligence was forced in front of him and flaunted. That seemed to be avoided by Fukuzawa. He didn't want the child to grow up thinking he was too different and to put himself at risk because numbers said he'd be fine. This is shown when he gets so upset at Ranpo for putting his life on the line to solve a case. Ranpo is shown that intelligence isn't everything he's just like everybody else a life worth existing. He learned that lives should never be risked for the sake of a successful plan there will always be a route around. He became egotistical and motivated by praise but he values the lives of others and grew compassionate.

On the other end of this spectrum is a child whose intelligence is shoved in their face. It's the only trait that is ever acknowledged and they are even punished when that single aspect is not up to performing In other words an environment where the child is scolded and only ever acknowledged for intelligence in an abusive situation is commonly going to befall a bath of separation from others or will dehumanizing themselves. Dazai is a prime example of a child's intelligence being incorrectly handled. We don't know how things were for him before mori but some of the most crucial years of a child's life are those teen years. As intelligent as he was at the time, an adult influence still would have made a huge impact, and whether it's something that is solid or not Mori's role in his life was the most prominent adult presence. From the age of 14 to 18 Mori's abusive treatment of Dazai would have shaped his intelligence to look past morals and "basic human ideology" and see simply the open board. I like that it's often shown as Dazai making moves in chess because it's a very good example. Chess is a game of sacrifice and risk. This type of raw intelligence isn't a natural talent. You can be born with a high IQ but the shape of that IQ is nurtured. Dazai had to be cunning, risky, and sacrificial in the Mafia. It's not a place where he could place value on life. It's highly likely his situation pre-mafia wasn't any better. He already felt separated from humanity Mori's "care" only made things worse for a kind already starting to separate himself from others. If Dazai had been in a situation similar to Ranpo's he would likely have seen his intelligence lean closer to Ranpo's observational intelligence.

I also like to look at the two of them, now versus then.

We see a huge change with Ranpo. He doesn't take huge risks like sacrificing people on purpose. He tries to solve things without doing harm. When. He shakes the agency shakes. They rely on him because he's empathetic and understanding though he doesn't make it obvious.

Dazai is less obvious but if we look at 15 dazai and the current dazai there's a definite difference between the two of them. 15 Dazai was still exploring his capabilities. Planning and acting was still somewhat new having only just truly gotten into the mafia. We see him predict things and notice things but his details and explanations are mainly observational habits. We don't see him purposefully putting him or Chuuya into severe life-threatening danger the way we see him act in Storm Bringer. He doesn't sacrifice "pieces" then in Dark Era we see a severe drop in his attitude toward others. Even somebody he is close to is put to the test and toyed with in a way. We see him more organized and far more willing to sacrifice others for his goals than we noticed in 15. Then there is the ADA Dazai. There's manipulation of feelings but he's never put others in a place where the risk was overly dramatic. Kyouka was a gamble but it can be inferred that it was indeed the only way to save her from either execution or being killed in action. Even in Dead Apple, his gamble did put others at risk but he didn't purposefully try and kill any of his coworkers or pieces. I believe it's a fair assumption that none of them were in real grave danger. Dazai in prison however can be seen as almost slipping back. I believe the influence on Dazai with his surroundings is more important than anything else with him. Around Fyodor we see the light in his eyes drain. BSD really likes paying close attention to the eyes in the manga It tells us a lot about a character. Dazai's emptier looks usually reflect when he's around remnants of his past or he's acting similar to how he would have in the mafia. It's not a complete slip but he takes gambles that could get others killed. We don't know of it was his intentions are with a lot of his "moves" but what little we can infer from panels and expressions it's clear Dazai has less regard for human life and the only reason he doesn't do things the way he did is because of his promise to Oda. Oda was the first positive influence he had as a child. Around oda Dazai's intelligence was observational rather than performing in an analytical way. He wasn't taking knowing the situation and doing background research to figure out he'd lose his friends. No, he analyzed Ango's small details. He recognized things without any sacrifices and came to the conclusion that things wouldn't stay like this because of a pattern of events in his life not the rules of the world. He subjected himself to personal feelings and thoughts rather than the logical straightforward approach. This part could be argued but I truly think Dazai's thought process altered around Ango and Oda then around the agency he began to see a bit more of why protecting people was better than sacrificing them.

I believe Dazai and Ranpo have equal intelligence they just have separate types of intellectual capability because of their differentiating upbringings. I want to look more into how they contrast and yet complete each other's weaker areas eventually but at the moment this is all I have written out and all the journals I've read so far. I have a feeling that Ranpo is sorta that white knight of intelligence while Dazai is the dark knight of intelligence. They are equal and yet completely different and yet both are just as important to the overall "game". I could also probably go more into detail about how Dazai's upbringing with his intellect only created a worse issue of separation between himself and those around him. It's a concept I'm still building on but I think Dazai and Ranpo complement each other in a parallel kind of way.