#with higher production value this time lmao

[honkytonka]

I am mentally ill. Have this Ramattra x listener scnario in which the listener is hiding from him. (she/her pronouns for listener, it was what was available)

[bobzora]

there are some bits of what they did with the rooftop scene that i like and others where i was like :/ this isn't as good as it could be. and this is an important scene lmao

[prettieinpink]

REBRANDING YOURSELF

COLLAB WITH THE HOTTIE????!!!!!!! @honeytonedhottie. LMAO NOT US PLANNING THIS IN LIKE DEC THEN RELEASING IN APRIL. I luv you so much ur my fav moot. moots who collab together, stay together. Check out her post on her page too, as usual, she makes the best points so y'all better listen.

Rebranding is a process in which you redefine who you are and how others perceive you. Each journey of rebranding yourself is personal and individual. When you rebrand yourself, you further align yourself with your higher you. This post is a guide to getting started on your journey!

UNDERSTAND YOUR CURRENT SELF.

So, take a step back and think about who you are as an individual right now. What are your values and beliefs? Does your external self reflect your inner self? Are you comfortable in your current environment?

These questions and more will help to see which aspects of your life you may need to redefine. See if there’s anything that doesn’t align with your higher self. 

After that, pick those aspects that need to be redefined. Why do you want to change this? How has this been impacting you internally/externally? Does this aspect stem from your environment or yourself? See why this aspect needs to be improved. 

DESIGNING YOUR BRAND

This is more of a fun step! So, using your aspects design how you want that specific thing to look and feel like. Avoid being vague or non-specific. Try to put in as much detail as you can for each aspect. 

If you’d prefer, you don’t have to use ‘aspects’ and instead use your life generally. This is your redesign, so do whatever is more comfortable and achievable for you.

ASPECTS

Health

Social life

Career

Hobbies

Family

Finance

Spirituality

Personal development (mindset, goals, improvement)

Self care

Culture

Well-being

Things to include

Achievable goals

How your environment looks like

How your daily life like

How you see yourself

What do you feel after

Why this is alignment within yourself? 

You can do this any way you want. The one I would recommend for redesigning your life would be a vision board, preferably a physical one. If you don’t want to do that, there are still a lot of options such as writing it down into a pretty poster, creating a playlist that will reflect your brand, creating a pretty list, or having sticky notes around your room as reminders. 

Be creative and detailed with this. You should spend at least an hour if not more trying to redesign your life/aspects.

CREATING GOALS

Goals are so important, especially when we are moving in a different direction than we were before. As we’ve got the current status of who we are and what we want to be, creating goals should be easy. 

Make your goals visible. Put a sticky note on your mirrors, put it as your laptop background, put a reminder on your phone, listen to a playlist that motivates you of your goals or anything else that will constantly remind you of your goals. 

Other than that, remember that goals have to be achievable, mindful, and flexible.

ESTABLISHING HABITS

Habits are so important to rebrand yourself. Habits make up your identity. The way you act, speak, and do daily, can subconsciously influence you to be someone who isn’t in alignment with your higher self.

 As much as it’s important to establish new habits that align with you, you have to root out the habits that are pushing you off track from achieving your goals. 

The good thing is that you can do both at the same time. Replace those old habits, with brand new ones. For example, when you open your phone first thing in the morning instead of opening up TikTok, get YouTube opened and start a 5-minute meditation to start your day.

However, just because a habit is beneficial for you, it doesn’t mean it is in alignment for you. For many people, they prefer to read books as a productive alternative for leisure, however, you may not be able to read a book and focus. In that case, you may want to watch an educational video instead. You’re still getting the benefits, but just in a different way. 

STEP FIVE: IMPLEMENTING YOUR BRAND DAILY

Think about all the little details of how this person would act, from morning until night. Embody their actions, words, aura, and vibes. This is when having a visual of your goals is good, so you can see what you need to do.

This includes no longer indulging in things your higher self wouldn’t do. Regardless of how much comfort, entertainment, or dopamine something gives you, you have to let it go if it is destroying your mind. 

I way I recommend implementing your brand daily by creating a daily routine that focuses on a different goal each day of the week. E.g:

Monday - Practicing being mindful (meditation, journaling, connecting with your religion)

Tuesday - Fitness (pilates, weightlifting, hot girl walks)

Wednesday - Socialising (going out to meet new people/connecting with old friends)

Thursday - Productivity (Schoolwork, studying, business, workplace tasks)

Friday - Self-care (taking a slow day however you’d like)

ta-daa!! thanks 4 reading. now go follow @honeytonedhottie 💕😍

[myrmyrtheorca]

Myeeeeell! Hi, hi~!! I hope you're doing well, dear! I'll ask about my personal favourite: Lidija. "What would your character wear if they were told they had to gussy up?", "Would your character prefer something bought or made personally?" and "What type of environment does your character like best?"

Hello Momo 🩵🩵 boredom at work strikes again so it's time to be productive and keep answering questions~

Putting this under the read more jail because Lidija has a lot to say about dresses LMAO

- What would [Lidija] wear if they were told they had to gussy up: ok disclaimer, I've never heard of this expression before so I had to look it up, hopefully I understood the assignment here and answered correctly if not please feel free to tell me if I missed the mark 🙏 if there are any subtle meanings to the phrase I'm pretty sure I didn't catch them lel

After freaking out from the excitement of being invited to some event where she can dress up and taking approximately one week (in the best case scenario) to choose what to wear, our little princess will be up and running ready to blind you with her sparks! This sounds like PR and it is, this is a Lidija-sponsored post here we celebrate the marshmallow

Her favourite choices include long dresses, because she feels really uncomfortable when her legs are showing, even if it's just the ankles. The puffier/larger/more full the skirt is, the better: anything too tight will show her silhouette and hinder her when it's time to ✨dance✨ (she's convinced it's an established part of every social gathering) So no cocktail or sheath dresses, and mermaid ones only when she's super confident about it.

She has much less problems with showing her shoulders and arms, though, and this makes her a big fan of strapless dresses! I'd say her perfect fit would be a strapless top with a gown-like lower half, and an empire or basque-style waistline.

You'll probably notice I've only talked about dresses, and that's because it's her favourite thing to wear. Long palazzo pants are the most daring piece of clothing she'll wear. She's a big fan of blouses knot right under the bust though! So if it's a more informal type of gathering, she'll probably attend with one of those and a long high-waist skirt.

As for shoes and accessories, high-heel boots are her go-to for anything. In general the higher the heels are, the better. She likes to style her hair a lot and has scrunchies/pins/circlets for every occasion. She must stand out, she's royalty!

Favourite colours: pastels, shades of red, ABSOLUTELY NOT PURPLE.

Favourite patterns: polka dots, Scottish,plain with sparkles/small shiny decors, lace.

- What type of environment does [Lidija] like best: the bustling streets of a big city! Much like Myr, Lidija likes places full of stimuli (and shops). She's very extroverted and feels at ease in the crowd. Bonus points if it's one of those picturesque villages aimed at tourists like Cortina d'Ampezzo.

- Would [Lidija] prefer something bought or made personally: if you make something for her with your own hands she'll find that very sweet and thank you profusely.

Having said that, if you bring her to one of those fancy malls and there's a Celine or Yves Saint Laurent boutique... she'll find that VERY sweet and will thank you PROFUSELY.

May the lord himself financially help whoever she ends up with.

Ok memes aside, she really values it when someone takes the time to make stuff for her, because it doesn't really happen often. But if given money, she's a menace and spends it in the blink of an eye, so letting her indulge in her shopping habits by giving her a hand would also make her super happy.

[paper--machete]

idk if you did this before but ummm rank all qotsa albums including them crooked vultures

I'll do you one better! I'll include the desert sessions 11+12 cus imo it's too thoroughly produced to not include

10. lullabies to paralyze

no hate on lullabies but honestly the whole vibe of the record is just sooooo 2005. in my head has to be their worst song just because of how embarassing that chorus is and also there's just a lot of fluff, even the deep cuts on this album feel like throwaway tracks (which I would even say about my favorite songs on the album, tangled up in plaid and broken box). the whole album just feels like a radio-friendly attempt to prove they still had their edge after Nick was kicked out

favorite songs: tangled up in plaid, little sister, i never came, the blood is love, broken box

9. villains

villains gets too much hate. people always point to Mark Ronson for ruining the album but honestly I'm glad we live in the alternate timeline where qotsa made a pop album. the way you used to do is awesome (ESPECIALLY the live version), domesticated animals is awesome, un-reborn again is one of their best songs. hideaway has always sucked tho and I hate the ending of the evil has landed because it just sounds like they were trying to do 3s and 7s again for some reason (with the slide guitars and Josh going "way-ee-ay") but otherwise also one of their best songs. also I wanna mention that Jon Theodore is at his best on this album, you can really hear his background in prog shine through on certain songs

favorite songs: the way you used to do, domesticated animals, fortress, un-reborn again, the evil has landed

8. desert sessions 11+12

first and foremost noses in roses forever is one of the best songs jho has ever written. DS11/12 basically feels like josh decided he wanted to do his own Gorillaz style collaborative project thanks to the increased production values and honestly it just makes me want another desert sessions release just like it.... which contradicts the other thing I wanted to say which is that there's really no album that sounds like 11/12 out there. nowhere else will you hear a song like chic tweetz because any other album would’ve left it on the cutting room floor for being too stupid. i love it

also I wanna say that i think crucifire is for royal blood what ultralight beam was for chance the rapper lmao

favorite songs: noses in roses forever, chic tweetz, easier said than done

7. in times new roman

damn I'm surprised the recency bias isn't getting to me on this one lmao. ITNR has a lot of really good songs on it but put together into an album it really feels like they’re just treading old ground. (I was originally gonna write a review of it when it came out titled “new dog, old tricks”). despite this there’s a lot of great stuff, paper machete and emotion sickness are two of my fav qotsa songs and straight jacket fitting might be their best closer? idk. this would be higher if it didn’t just feel like a “more of the same” type album

favorite songs: paper machete, negative space, made to parade, emotion sickness

6. self-titled

this placement hurts so much because like a year and a half ago this wouldve been #2 😭 anyway i love the self titled so much because it sounds so different from the rest of their discography… you can hear alot of the leftover kyuss influence in the heavier songs and riff writing, plus what other album is gonna try some crazy shit like walkin on the sidewalks or hispanic impressions? (btw hispanic impressions is their most underrated song) also the expanded edition is better for having spiders and vinegaroons but worse for having droids

favorite songs: regular john, avon, how to handle a rope, hispanic impressions, you can’t quit me baby

5. songs for the deaf

i’ve always had beef with songs for the deaf…. i’ve always felt like the best songs on it are so good that they make the lesser songs seem worse in comparison. like another love song is great but when it’s sandwiched between god is in the radio and song for the deaf its like. well obviously this is one of the weaker songs on the album. anyway it’s still good, being the other nick-era qotsa album you can really hear the collaboration between the band’s all-star lineup across the whole thing

favorite songs: hanging tree, go with the flow, god is in the radio, song for the deaf, mosquito song

4. them crooked vultures 

TCV is just a really, really solid album. the sequencing is great, the songs are all great, the musicians are all at their A game, ESPECIALLY josh as it’s not an unpopular opinion to say this album is where he really started tapping into his skills as a vocalist. while i consider TCV to be the honorary bonus qotsa album, i feel like it also manages to stand on its own thanks to the creative contributions of dave grohl and john paul jones.

favorite songs: mind eraser no chaser, dead end friends, bandoliers, warsaw, spinning in daffodils

3.5. over the years and through the woods

maybe I'm biased cus qotsa brainworms but the dvd of this is the best concert film/album I've ever heard. there's a perfect balance between songs being played as they are on the record and songs having things tweaked or even reworked entirely, which is something i’m picky about when it comes to concerts (i saw jack white two years ago and he changed waaaaay too many songs :P) also there’s a lot of neat little bonus things in the set, like an early version of make it wit chu, another desert sessions track (covered in punk’s blood) and of course the live performance of fun machine which is a top 3 song for them and always will be

favorite songs: feel good hit of the summer, avon, little sister, you can’t quit me baby, the fun machine took a shit and died

3. rated R

rated R is a perfect album! i think its greatest strength is its sequencing tbh, it succeeds at both giving the impression of it being a concept album (while not necessarily conforming to the concept) as well as having a super diverse tracklist where no two songs sound alike. also characteristic of nick-era qotsa, i love how rated R isn’t afraid to have short songs or long songs, though unlike on songs for the deaf the short/long songs here feel like they don’t sacrifice length for substance relative to other songs. 

favorite songs: feel good hit of the summer, leg of lamb, auto pilot, better living through chemistry, i think i lost my headache

2. era vulgaris

there is no album that sounds like era vulgaris. why does misfit love sound like that? why does battery acid sound like that? WHY DOES I’M DESIGNER SOUND LIKE THAT??? it’s so fucking weird and rich with ideas, there isn’t a single moment on era vulgaris where the band isn’t trying something new. even my least favorite songs on here have something new and unique to offer while also being the most fucked up little beast creature thing youve ever heard.

favorite songs: turnin on the screw, i’m designer, into the hollow, 3’s and 7’s, run pig run

1. ...like clockwork

i’m an artsy kid, i like artsy albums, and i love like clockwork for how mature it is. every song feels like a statement, an emotion concentrated into a 4-minute masterpiece. while the lows on here are lower for me than on other albums, they still make important contributions to the album experience as a whole (not to mention the highs soar, i appear missing and fairweather friends are top 5 material for them. I appear missing might even be top 1 tbh.) i’m out of things to say so uhhh yeah like clockwork is my favorite :)

favorite songs: i sat by the ocean, the vampyre of time and memory, fairweather friends, i appear missing

[femmmie]

smoshblr tag game wheee!!!

“tagged” by the amazing @lumiereandcogsworth thank you <333

1. how long have you been watching smosh? I actually didn't know about their youtube channel for a minute while I did frequent smosh.com the website LOL so I don't really recall, but it's a long ass time lmao!

2. favorite smosh cast member(s)? Ian for suuuurrre also Anthony but I'm still mad at him for leaving x33 and I really love Amanda she is so magical. She is truly the best thing to happen to Smosh like, what an actress. What an ICON. She's larger than life and I am at her feet.

3. favorite pairing(s)?

I mean, let's be real. It's Ianthony <3 I do love Amangela, but the thing is... my eyes are on Amanda only, I've found out about myself x3 maybe a self-insert ship with me and Amanda hahaha what?

4. favorite reoccurring character? Listen, Fred Darts is an instant classic, he NEEDS to return and continue to be iconic.

5. favorite smosh video? yesss another opportunity to spread the Claus Winklestein agenda >:) the bi-con we need but don't deserve x)

The video is so problematic for so many reasons lmao but it remains my absolute favorite. Something about Anthony as a girl *_* is always SO mesmerizing like?? The whole concept is genius, there's subplot, there is character development, the bisexual energy is off the charts and I have lots of thoughts about lots of scenes that I won't get into here bc I hate discourse lmao. But it's really something. I was like 'bring back claus winklestein!' in one of the member chats and they didn't even remember him and I was very offended LMAO <3

6. first video that got you into smosh? truly I don't remember but one of the first ones I do remember are the lip-syncing ones of course.

7. favorite picture of the cast?

I love this moment lmao the dynamic of Angela and Chanse being reverse boomers like they have no idea what is going on

8. favorite picture of your fave?

I love everything about this whole shoot 🙏🙏🙏

9. what smosh series do you want to see more of?

I really would like more Sword AF but with video x3 I would even like it to have higher production value so they can cut to scenes of them in full constume, cgi stuff and playing out some scenes 🥹

10. dream guest on smosh mouth?

*heavy breathing* I'm pleading the fifth

tagging: @only-frann @generaltrashshecox @smoshidiot @hecoxthirst @wazurenaide @lilac-hecox + anyone else who wants to do this! :D I'd love to read and watch your answers!

[balaclavacharles]

Sleep deprivation is a prevalent issue affecting a significant portion of the global population. In today's fast-paced society, individuals often prioritize work, social activities, and electronic devices over obtaining sufficient sleep. The detrimental effects of sleep deprivation on various aspects of human health and functioning, including cognitive abilities, emotional well-being, physical health, and occupational performance are vast and by understanding these consequences, we can emphasize the importance of prioritizing healthy sleep habits for overall well-being.

One of the primary effects of sleep deprivation is cognitive impairment. Lack of sleep negatively impacts attention, concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities. Reduced sleep duration and quality impair information processing, reaction time, and problem-solving skills (Alhola & Polo-Kantola, 2007). Prolonged sleep deprivation can lead to cognitive decline, resembling the effects of aging (Banks & Dinges, 2007).

Sleep deprivation also has a significant impact on emotional well-being. It is associated with increased irritability, mood swings, anxiety, and depression. Chronic sleep deprivation disrupts the regulation of emotions, resulting in heightened negative emotional responses and reduced emotional resilience (Banks & Dinges, 2007). Proper sleep is essential for emotional stability and mental health.

Moreover, chronic sleep deprivation increases the risk of developing various chronic diseases. It is associated with diabetes, cardiovascular diseases, and certain types of cancer. Disruptions in metabolic processes, hormonal imbalances, and inflammation caused by sleep deprivation contribute to the development of these conditions (Cappuccio et al., 2010). Prioritizing adequate sleep is crucial for maintaining long-term physical health.

It has a profound impact on occupational performance. Sleep-deprived individuals experience reduced productivity, increased errors, and higher accident rates. Attention lapses, reduced vigilance, and impaired decision-making are common consequences of sleep deprivation (Williamson & Feyer, 2000). In safety-sensitive professions, such as healthcare or transportation, these impairments can have severe consequences.

Going without sleep poses significant risks to various aspects of human health and functioning. It impairs cognitive abilities, disrupts emotional regulation, compromises immune function, increases the risk of chronic diseases, and undermines occupational performance. Recognizing the detrimental effects of sleep deprivation highlights the importance of prioritizing healthy sleep habits and ensuring adequate sleep for overall well-being. It is essential to create a culture that values and promotes sufficient sleep to optimize individual health and societal productivity. In conclusion :sparkles: sleep :sparkles:

Citations

Alhola, P., & Polo-Kantola, P. (2007). Sleep deprivation: Impact on cognitive performance. Neuropsychiatric disease and treatment, 3(5), 553-567.

Banks, S., & Dinges, D. F. (2007). Behavioral and physiological consequences of sleep restriction. Journal of clinical sleep medicine, 3(5), 519-528.

Cappuccio, F. P., D'Elia, L., Strazzullo, P., & Miller, M. A. (2010). Sleep duration and all-cause mortality: a systematic review and meta-analysis of prospective studies. Sleep, 33(5), 585-592.

Williamson, A. M., & Feyer, A. M. (2000). Moderate sleep deprivation produces impairments in cognitive and motor performance equivalent to legally prescribed levels of alcohol intoxication. Occupational and environmental medicine, 57(10), 649-655.

Lmao, okay Rinno, thanks 😂😂

[thetoxicgamer]

The LMAO Major: English-Speaking Dota 2 Fans Are Upset With the Lima Major Production

The group stage matches for the Dota 2 Lima Major started today. Delays and overlay issues on the first day of the tournament's broadcast made it difficult for viewers to enjoy watching the event on Twitch. The poor viewing experience has left many questioning the quality of the tournament’s coverage from the get-go, with some fans even saying they’d prefer PGL, Dota 2’s controversial tournament organizer. The hype levels for the Major were at an all-time high, with 4D Esports dropping a banger anthem, and other broadcasts than the English, hosted by Epulze, seemed to be doing fine throughout the day. While South American and Russian Dota 2 fans were enjoying the Major in their native language broadcasts, though, English-speaking viewers were dealing with constant broadcast errors that made the event unwatchable. From overlay oversights to panels talking over each other, the English broadcast had its fair share of troubles, especially during the first hours. Given PGL’s absence from the event, fans were also expecting a higher production value but instead were treated to a low-budget setup. The production panel was a hit or miss, depending on which fans you asked. Some viewers expressed their dislike of the panel, while others appreciated the local touch. Considering Dota 2 has been in a downward trend in tournament productions since the AniMajor, production companies can’t seem to get on fans’ good side. The quality of Dota 2 matches has been making up for the shortcomings of productions and streams for over a year now, but the fans are getting frustrated by the representation that their favorite game gets in some of the biggest tournaments of the year. Read the full article

[sailorspazz]

After the last update with Aki being like "bruh, what's wrong with you", I hoped that it'd be the push Suzuki needed to finally break free from his shackles of angst and go to his fucking man already. And wow, he's actually doing it!! When he said, "I'm such an idiot", I couldn't help but yell YEAH WE KNOW lol.

Side note, his hair is very bouncy and cute as he rushes around the city in this chapter.

Another side note, this one about language use, it's interesting to see the development here from earlier chapters. Before, Suzuki was mainly using English while speaking to Norman, then started mixing in Japanese, and then in this chapter addressed him solely in Japanese (with the exception of one line in Spanish, which is also not Norman's native language but presumably one he knows a little bit). Granted, he didn't have a lot of dialogue, and wasn't saying anything particularly complicated, so he assumed Norman could understand well enough. And maybe it's been a while since Norman had a significant number of lines, but I noticed particularly in this chapter that his English (as portrayed in Japanese) includes regular use of somewhat archaic terms and grammar. Now knowing his secret background, I'd guess it's done to give him a bit of royal flair. Just one of those interesting things that stuck out to me, and makes me appreciate the detail that goes in to this series.

So the main content here is the conversation with Norman. It's fascinating to see the dichotomy between Norman's inner and outer dialogue here, my man is having two entirely different conversations lol. It hadn't seemed up to this point that he really cared about Suzuki; even his inner thoughts in 39 when he saw Sugiki and felt sorry not sorry about fooling around with his fave, he was still thinking "we're just using each other". Whether that's what he really felt or just what he was telling himself so it wouldn't hurt when it ended isn't clear. From the very first time they slept together, he thought about how kind and compassionate Suzuki was and that it might be hard to let him go. So maybe he enjoyed the companionship and closeness they shared and didn't want to give thst up, rather than truly falling for him in a romantic way...

But then Norman went and gave him a watch of incredibly high monetary and sentimental value, and now I don't know what to think. From the start of this fuck buddies arrangement, I wasn't sure if they were joking about Norman paying Suzuki to sleep with him, and I guess the answer is nope, they meant it. Suzuki is now officially a (very highly paid) sex worker lol. I looked into the watch brand Norman mentioned, on the low end you're looking at products in the $20,000 range, going up into hundreds of thousands and even millions of dollars! Given that Norman's was an inherited royal heirloom, it has to be on the higher end of that scale. So he has to care about Suzuki quite a bit to give him something so valuable, even though he was trying so desperately to appear like he didn't care. I don't know if Suzuki realized anything, but he is a good-hearted man (despite being told he's awful lol), and his expression looked gentle, maybe a bit pained. He's definitely not in love with Norman, but is concerned for him and didn't want him to be hurt by this. Norman may have successfully held in his feelings until Suzuki left, but if Suzuki looks up the value of that watch he might suspect something. I also wonder if he's going to start wearing it (doesn't really seem his style to wear something so valuable, unless for a special occasion), or give it to someone. Norman would be seething if he gave to Sugiki I'm sure, it seems bad etiquette to regift something from a client(?!) to your boyfriend lmao. He did suggest someone "trustworthy", which Suzuki has called Saichi before...though that would probably be an overly extravagant gift for him as well. Depending on if anything happens with it, this parting gift could possibly result in some kind of drama.

I felt bad for Norman when he broke down. He's my problematic son, a bitter bitch who's wormed his way into my heart. Don't worry, babygirl, Max is there to comfort you! I had to laugh a bit when he showed up, since I thought he might be the one to console Norman, but I didn't think it'd be so immediate, like literally as he's still crying from getting dumped lol. And he's brought a bottle of sake, I guess he knows the way to man's heart is through his alcoholism. As always, I have questions about his motivation, like is it really as simple as just wanting a drinking buddy, or did he think about Sugiki's accusation that he *gasp* likes Norman and decide to give it a shot? And will that bottle of sake lead to Norman making some questionable decisions, possibly opening his heart and legs to Max? I'm invested in these two becoming a couple, so I'd like to see this scene continue.

But most exciting of all is our main couple of stupid Shinyas finally seeming to be on the right path. Suzuki is running, Sugiki is sensing him, they just have to reunite in the next chapter! And what will happen once they do? A serious conversation about what they need to figure out to be a couple? A passionate haze of making out? Pent up emotional release through dance? They desperately need all of these, I genuinely don't know what I want to see most. But I very much want them to fuck sooner rather than later. I am salivating at the thought of the next chapter, and am more hyped than ever to see where this leads!

10 Dance - chapter 41, part 2 summary

Suzuki comes to a decision upon hearing Aki's love advice. After stopping to have an important conversation with Norman, Suzuki heads down a new path.

Full summary and highlight images under the cut.

Chapter 41, part 2: Time to Say Goodbye, and

Published online on March 8th, 2024, available to purchase on Comic Days, or rent for 10 days on Yanmaga.

Suzuki places a call to Saichi as he runs down the sidewalk, telling him that their photoshoot is finished and asking if he can come pick up Aki. Suzuki says that he has something he needs to take care of alone, and thinks about what a complete idiot he’s been as he recalls Aki urging him to be happy with the one he loves.

Suzuki arrives out of breath at Norman’s place, who greets him with the comment that he didn’t think Suzuki would be coming to see him anymore. He asks if he wants to come in and have some tea, but Suzuki chooses to stay in the entryway. He states that this is the last time he’s coming here, and Norman asks if that’s because he’s in love with Sugiki. Internally, Norman wishes that Suzuki would choose him and be his Lovely, but aloud he says that Sugiki is now as vulnerable as a kitten due to his situation with Suzuki, and in his opinion Suzuki should take advantage of that and beat him while he’s down. However, Norman found out on the day of the Japan International what sort of relationship the two Shinyas shared. Suzuki says that makes no difference, and he's still going to win. Norman declares that their “lover’s contract” is hereby terminated and takes off his watch, saying that Suzuki can have it as payment for the use of his body. Norman thinks that he wishes he never met this man, and is peeved that he has to hand him over to Sugiki of all people. He internally recalls when Sugiki took the championship title away from him, and remembers the feelings he had while watching him dance that day, thinking that Sugiki was masculine and powerful yet still elegant, and his dynamic lead showed how competitive dance would evolve from there on; he was the man-made epitome of the ideal man. Aloud to Suzuki, he explains that this is a Patek brand watch, and he inherited it from a princess. It would probably fetch a very high price if he sold it, but this isn’t the kind of thing that should be sold off. It has some wear since Norman has used it for a long time, so he suggests that Suzuki could change out the band to a new one. If he doesn't want to keep it for himself, he should give it to someone trustworthy. Suzuki says that he can’t take such a valuable watch, but Norman insists that he have it, so Suzuki accepts and says he’ll take good care of it.

Suzuki says “Thanks for everything” in Spanish and reaches forward for a hug, but Norman puts his hands up to stop him, saying he never wants to touch him in that way again. He says Suzuki truly is an awful man except when he's dancing. Dance is nothing without connection, and all sorts of feelings can arise when paired up with a partner. As the lead, they need to carefully envelop their partner like a treasure, and it's their duty to make them contentedly enjoy the dance; Norman came all the way to Japan to drill this idea into him. If a man who ruins people like Suzuki does can manage to incorporate Norman's technique, he may truly become unbeatable. He says starting today he will no longer be Suzuki's teacher and will instead become his master. With that, Norman tells him to get going; he's sure Suzuki has somewhere else he needs to be, so he shouldn't keep dawdling here. Suzuki thanks him and heads out the door. Once he's gone, Norman breaks down in tears.

Suzuki rushes through the train station, thinking that he needs to see Sugiki right away. Meanwhile, at his studio, Sugiki raises his hand up and seems to sense something through the intangible thread that connects the two of them.

Max, holding a bottle of sake, suddenly peeks in from the porch at Norman's place, asking why he's crying (addressing him as Edward). Norman yells that he can't just show up uninvited and to get out of his house. Max explains that he just wanted to share his sake with someone, but Norman tells him again to leave.

Previous chapter: #41 part 1

Next chapter: There is currently no information on the next release date.

[silent-partner-412]

i get why so many people say xenoblade 1 has the worst quests in the series but i just don’t agree lol not even a bit (minor spoilers for all 3 games, i’ll be ranting about a side quests a lot lmao)

pretty sure the main problem people have with them is the lack of meat to most of them, to the point where every area has quests that are literally just numbered “go collect/kill this thing”, which i think is honestly a little overblown. there are plenty of quests that start off bland but build into another quest, or whole chains of quests that only get better as they go along. this is compounded by the affinity chart being by far the best in this game; it’s easy to follow and pretty much every single relationship link change makes sense (unlike in 3 where sometimes shit would just change and i would have no idea why). i definitely understand wishing there was more to a lot of these, and i would never say no to better content, but also this was something that never really bothered me because they’re SO EASY TO DO… especially in DE, the UI in the game is so good that it’s super easy to just accept literally every quest you see and just follow the exclamation marks. there’s still some shit you’re probably gonna look up here and there to make your life easier, but you have to do that in 2 and 3 as well. it’s so easy for me to lose track of time doing quests in this game because they just feel good to do; the rewards are good, leveling up the colonies feels good, watching the little affinity stars pop up feels good, and nothing is super cumbersome like the other games (especially 2) can be.

i’m comparing this to 2 where i’m gonna be honest, i think the quests are so bad in this game lol. the UI for this game is much worse so most of the “generic” quests just are not as satisfying to take care of. you don’t have a quest log or affinity chart to track your progress, so there doesn’t really feel like you’re gaining anything from doing the quests, which is especially bad when they just feel worse to do. i don’t feel like the content of these quests on average are significantly better than 1 either, but maybe that’s just me idk. the major good thing 2 has over 1 is the introduction of blade quests, which clearly have higher production value than 1’s quests did and feature our fun rare blades, but even that i feel is hindered by the fact that half the blade quests are either extremely mediocre and forgettable or so bad it hurts. i would rather do the late game high entia quests or the nopon drug ring quests in 1 over the best blade quests in 2 any day of the week.

the one saving grace to 2’s quests is the existence of Torna having just. better written quests that i actually end up caring about. but overall it’s just a really weak system and one of the weakest parts about 2 in my opinion.

of course, the punchline here is that 3 improved upon both of them thanks to the introduction of heroes making literally everything better. almost every hero quest is as good or better than the best blade quests in 2 (plus the worst hero quests aren’t nearly as bad as the worst blade quests), and the heroes don’t stop being relevant once you finish their quests. pretty much every commander is involved in most of the quests of their colonies, which makes the heroes more compelling as characters and makes you get more attached to the colonies as a result. i really enjoyed teaching the kids in colony gamma, growing potatoes with zeon in colony 9, learning how insane colony 11 is, helping the poor children in colonies mu and 0, and honestly the list goes on. i think the only issues i have with 3’s quests as a whole (other than that some of them just aren’t very good, though the ratio for that is much smaller than in 1 and 2) are that material quests are soooo much worse than they were in DE for some reason cuz they fucked up the UI somehow, and also the affinity chart isn’t nearly as neat and organized as it is in 1 (though having it back at all is really great regardless).

tl;dr: xenoblade 1 quests good and way overhated, xenoblade 2 quests bad and overrated, xenoblade 3 quests better than 1 or 2 easily

[or-ng-c-ss-dy]

my brain is broken today, i’m about to drink a fourth cup of coffee, and i’m ignoring every single one of my responsibilities for as long as humanly possible so

let’s talk porn au lmao, nsfw under the cut

au where dustin, needing to do something with his production degree, ends up responding to some ad for a small studio that ends up being a pretty low budget pornography studio. and he needs the money, and the work is fairly easy, he just stands around and films mainly women who also need money. and he gets sort of a reputation for being a good guy because he’s not some creep, he’s just there to earn some cash to live, he didn’t sign up to look at naked girls.

but, also, working in porn sorta kills porn for him. like he used to watch it like any guy, just some material to get off to but, now, it’s like work to him lmao. like he can’t watch a finished video without picturing some broke dude fresh out of college, standing there with a camera, getting that angle from behind that no one really likes, all while some other poor asshole fresh out of college stands besides him with a mic to get the fake moans of “ooo yes daddyyyy right there~”

anyway, he does it for long enough that he ends up getting a much better, much higher paying offer from a company with actual production value, some modicum of respect for the performers, and just less seediness all around. the studio just happens to be gay porn but that’s fine, he didn’t take the job to look at women, it’s just...now the people watching actually want to see that angle from behind, and the fake moans are deeper, it’s the same thing, there’s just two (or more) men.

first day on the job, he’s checking out the camera they’ve provided for him, a lot higher quality than the one from his old job. he’s messing around, zooming in and out, when he happens to zoom in on a hot lil bod, all abs and what looks like fuckin gils, and wow, this guy is good looking. he zooms out, sees blond and a trim little beard and pink pink pink lips, and dustin has to put the camera down to take in the whole picture.

“who is that?” he ends up asking his new co-worker, some guy similar to him, a little further out of college, needing money still.

greg’s worked there longer than him, and he looks at him for a long time like he’s stupid, which is annoying because the first words that greg said to him that morning upon first meeting was asking him if he sits or stands to wipe his ass.

“that’s jim. he’s like...one of the lead stars here, did you do no research?”

“...i’m not gay...” which doesn’t even sound convincing when he’s still looking at very pink lips, but greg doesn’t seem to notice.

“neither am i, man,” greg says, sounding way more sincere than dustin, “but still, you gotta watch a video or two to see what you’re working with.”

which sounds dumb because porn is porn, it’s work. he points the camera at the action and then someone edits it and posts it online. he’s used to being around dicks, so what if there’s more than one this time?

anyway, the whole thing freaks dustin out, he records hot little jim doing porn, all abs and slender hips, definitely fake moaning while he takes some guy’s dick only it kinda sounds real as it hits his ears, and then has to go home and do.....research.........

watching jim work doesn’t feel like work though, fisting the arms of his chair, pants too tight, and it’s going to be a real big problem for everyone involved, but mainly dustin!

[cavity-collector]

i don’t personally like monomania more than htlt but there are definitely reasons why one might prefer monomania

monomania continues and concludes (not counting FtF because thats a remake) the themes and “storyline” (im aware its based on toledos real relationship and stuff but im not analyzing it that way because it gets into weird intrusive territory) explored in twin fantasy and most of toledos early work, and for someone who was heavily effected by that period of wills stuff it makes complete sense to prefer the heavily self referential lyricism of monomania. (woah big word! i could not figure out how to phrase it less pretentiously lmao) htlt is a lot different than basically all of the csh albums that came before it, and for someone who started with earlier stuff it’d definitely be a pretty extreme shift. htlt dropped the extreme lofi bit of early csh which adds to the possible alienation of early listeners, as well as removing some of the personality of the old stuff.

personally, i prefer the higher production value and love htlt. i think monomania has earned the title of “incel album” pretty well and its kind of uncomfortable to listen to at points (ESPECIALLY anchorite, despite my love for that song it can be really :| ) but i also started listening with TF FtF so i didn’t get into them at the right time to experience the shift in sound and subject matter. only recently got rlly into monomania so pre basically a month ago i would probably have the same question, but i think i get it now. (i am very autistic about this band)

Round 3

How to Leave Town vs Monomania

[antiloreolympus]

14 Anti LO Asks

1. The nepotism in LO is so bad, and also gets justified. Minthe is literally getting replaced by Persephone, despite literally being dependent on Hades for living. Hades is repeating the same cycle with Persephone, as well. The only difference is Persephone does zero work and gets everything, but Minthe actually does her job. The entire scene before Minthe turned into a plant just rubs me the wrong way and shows how possessive Hades is over his lover's lives. P is in the same state as M, but rich.

2. I’m curious to see if the later LO books will be honest and at least credit each artist who actually had to do the work for Rachel, because if not that will be really shitty to claim that’s all her work when it’s clearly not. I would also hope they’d get some residuals from the books sales too since that’s their work being sold at a much higher price, but something tells me Rachel isn’t going to do that, just off her history of low pay in working for her in general. 

3. My new fav defense of LO is claiming its actually diverse because “the whole cast is made of people of color”

Yes, they’re unironically claiming being pink and blue is now the same as being BIPOC, and Rachel is now the most diverse creator ever for it. I hate these white kids so much lmao. 

4. I just realized Persephone has told everyone about her trauma EXCEPT her therapist asfgjakdh WHY CAN'T RACHEL JUST FUCKING HAVE HER TALK ABOUT IT IN A SAFE SPACE WITH A TRAINED PRACTICIONER? THAT ONE SESSION WITH THE THERAPIST COULD HAVE SO MUCH MORE POTENTIAL AND INSTEAD IT WAS A ONE TIME THING.

But no, instead she's forced to talk about it with someone who she's known for a month, whose only reason to be attracted to her is his lust (anything aside from that is bullshit, there's no chemistry between them, and their "relationship" had literally no time to progress in any way that's healthy) AND SHE WON'T EVEN TELL HER MOTHER. DEMETER SHOULD BE THE FIRST PERSON SHE OPENS UP TO (if at all) NOT THE PINK GUY WHO DRUGGED HER AND PUT HER IN A STRANGER'S CAR, OR HADES WHO MEANS NOTHING TO HER COMPARED TO THE RELATIONSHIP SHE HAS WITH HER MOTHER.

5. It’s just wild to me that even ancient sources of mythology all made a point the gods loved and cared for humanity and mortals yet LO claims to be “modern” and “progressive” and has the gods not caring about them and even being openly ok with their mass murder and torture because of any little annoyance they may have. Even this trial is more focused on trying (and tbh, failing) to make you feel bad for Persephone over the thousands of innocent people she murdered! Only like three farmers were responsible for the nymphs who died, yet we’re supposed to be on persephone’s side for murdering countless innocent people? How is this “modern” with modern values? 

6. The sexualization in the early part of LO is ... odd, but not too offensive. It's post her being r//ped and she's still being sexualized to an extremes especially by Hades and even when she's alone, is what I take massive issue with. I'm not saying a victim can't be confident in their body, especially if helps them reclaim their autonomy, but Rachel even admitted Persephone has no idea she's being viewed this way, so it's just Rachel using Persephone's body as something to ogle at and that's it.

7. ok but the "rachel has put years in lo" is actually a worse excuse bc that means shes spent so much time on it and its still bad? like thats actually a negative, not a positive.

8. lo must be having slumping numbers or something if theyve kept it on banner for over three days now. they never do this unless LO needs a bump back up. dont they have other series that need the promotion way more than one with millions of subscribers?

9. webtoons is now forcing lo on banner for literal days now while completely ignoring hooky is getting countess award noms for being one of the best graphic novels of the year. go figure they need to appease the white lady's ego on her mediocre product thats still doing fine (are the numbers declining behind the scenes or something? why the promo out of nowhere?) while the mexican woman's comic is actually making huge strides without webtoons' help or them even mentioning it exists 😒

10. i absolutely hate that line of poseidon pointing out an emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one because not only is it immediately undercut as a "joke" by poseidon being dumb, but its literally rachel ADMITTING hades & persephone are cheating with each other but its ok and we're supposed to cheer it on because its against minthe? the woman who was actually trying to make the relationship work and was being exclusive with hades while he cheated on her with his teenage intern? no thanks.

11. at this point i just want to see what other gods rachel tears down for hxp. how much more stupid can she get with it. at this point even dionysus will be made evil to make them look better.

12. Btw I don't really understand what kind of punishment people want for Persephone like yeah she should get one for killing innocent people in the town, but the ones who picked the flowers were guilty? I'm just genuinely curious, bc in my opinion she should get therapy and controlling powers courses.

13. Hera is awful. Not only does she quickly stop worrying about the age gap of HxP, she's an elitist.  She is written like she never cared for Zeus and only about being Queen of Gods. She cheats on him with Hades too, which goes against everything myth Hera was, and is so stupid. It just makes her a hypocrite. She's also racist to nymphs and rude to lower class citizens. Any good she does it outclassed by selfishness and bias towards Persephone. Guilt tripping w/ Hebe is weird but she does it often

-----

From OP: This next ask mentions the Rittenhouse case so I’d recommend skipping if it’s triggering for you /srs

14. TW: //shootings

Nah, this trial makes total sense. Persephone is a spoiled little rich girl who Rachel casts as white, everyone from the media to the jury and even judge Zeus is being super lenient to her and making any excuse on the book to get her off while she cries on the stand she’s “so sowwy” and she gets away with literal mass murder and won’t suffer a day of actual consequence for the pain and suffering she’s caused so many. We just saw this exact circumstance happen with Rittenhouse, the problem is Rachel thinks she’s the progressive and feminist one because it’s a girl getting away with her mass murder over a boy.

From OP: I get where you’re coming from but I will say that the context make this way different especially since LO’s world has different rules and Persephone didn’t mean to kill (most of) the mortals. I do agree that she shouldn’t get away with what she did though.

[kexing]

I have now watched both Word of Honor and The Untamed, and I really like both! I think even though The Untamed is an overall “better” show - higher production values, more interesting plot and world building, more consistent acting, etc - and I did enjoy the main characters and pairing plenty, WoH’s characters are just a bit more compelling to me. Maybe two broken people finding something redeemable in each other is just more interesting? Idk. I’m curious for your thoughts on how they compare!

hi there!!! they’re both so good 🥺🥺🥺

i’m pretty much the same as you tho? akdksksk each show has their merits, of course, and while i do think the untamed is better than woh in almost every way, woh is much more personal to me. the amount of times i’d be watching a scene and just know for a fact that i would never forget how that made me feel is too many to count and it made my experience absolutely priceless

i can’t really explain the grip that this show has on me??? but it’s Tight and it is my favorite drama, after all akskaksksk

and i definitely agree that wenzhou’s premise is infinitely interesting, from a storytelling point of view. it goes beyond good or bad, black or white, hero or villain. it humanizes these characters that have explicitly made so many bad decisions for one reason or another, puts them on an even ground and it explicitly tells us that they make each other better through love and understanding. i personally think it was done v well. they rearranged the chemistry of my brain several times over and i can’t even remember who i was before them lmao

but in the end, it’s just a matter of preference ❤️💙

[magnoliamyrrh]

"capitalism leads to more innovation" is a lie for so many reasons but a particularly tragic and obvious one is that it doesnt lead to more innovation, it just funnels most of the innovation into the higher classes & corporations

in terms of artistic, day to day innovation at least, this was much more accessible back in the day. not only could one make a reliable or semi reliable and anyway, decent living being an artisan or knowing a trade; which sometimes you were born into sometimes you could learn, but peasants had the access, time, and resources for the creation of unique products and items of personal/family use (things also used to have spiritual and religious value at some point but whatver were way past that now). whereas, today, art, craft, creation, etc. are often innacessable to the lower and middle classes because of both cost and, again, lack of time. whereas, today, everything is mass produced and imported and exported for pennies by massive inhumane corporations; and despite how theres such a push to commodify every possible talent you have and every minute; competing and making a living from artisanal talent - necessary for much of traditional culture to survive - is quite hard (making a full, complex, traditional costume, from scratch, or a complex rug. - things that used to be so common. whose gonna pay that much money and then wait - what - 1-2-3 years for it to be complete nowadays? whats gonna keep you alive in the meantime? so the traditional costume becomes more and more simplified so that it may be mass produced and also probably commodified for tourism, bc this is the only way it can be profitable enough vs the time invested) (im pretty sure by this point, if i were to have the skill to replicate one of the full traditional costumes i have. and i werent to undervalue the work and time, it would cost way more than buying an old one did; bc ive seen new blouses which were more complex but.. not very, go for at least 150 (more like 200+) dollars. which may sound like a lot, but, doing the math; for the wage to be at least 10 dollars an hour (lower than the min wage here by 5-6), the whole blouse would have to be completed in 15 hours. which... maybe can happen with w a machine. but a hand made, hand sown, somewhat complex blouse is going to take much, much, much longer than that. so, what you end up with is that at least in the online market of today where youre most likely going to be trying to sell this thing... a blouse which through the will of god alone you managed to complete in only a week and a half (10.5 days of 8 hours of work per day, 84 hours total), would be at least 840 dollars. which is an insane price mostly nobody is going to pay you and also, youre not gonna finish that thing in a week and a half anyway....and so. what. a full costume would cost, easily in the thousands of dollars? even if we do the calculations on romanias minimum wage of 15.2 ron/h, approx ~3 euro/dollars, a blouse completed in a week and half would cost ~ 250 dollars; which already means you likely wont be able to consistently sell them every week. and a costume you could complete in 5 weeks of working 8 hours a day, would cost at least 1000 dollars anyway already, on a 3 dollar wage...maybeeee this would b profitable living in the balkans and selling in euro and dollar and not working alone but even then i dont know whose paying this much money when old ones of similar complexity would be exponentially cheaper. these arent fursuits lmao theres no market for this. and thus, uniqued innovation and artisanal craft, cannot survive, in the face of mass scale Capitalist Innovation from Hell)

[secondhand-trash]

Heart Knot

A/N: this is in honor of the whole 30 minutes in which I knew how to knit because I was bored at a school function and forced my friend who brought an unfinished scarf with her to teach me lmao

Description: You did not have much happy memories regarding both knitting and your past crushes, but the boy that had your heart now just so happened to be a great knitter. 

Pairing: Kita Shinsuke x reader

Word count: 7827

Playlist:

Permanence//Bears In Trees

The Way You Look Tonight//Frank Sinatra

Hiding Tonight//Alex Turner

-

Kita Shinsuke’s first exposure to the art of knitting was through his grandmother, who taught her grandson the ways you could weave anything into something from doing each repetitive action properly and with care.

Something beautiful, something soft, something that could bring warmth to someone else on a harsh winter morning.

Winter in Hyogo could be rough, with inches and inches of snow blocking the road from down the mountains and into the towns. Kita Shinsuke spent his winter days away from school still waking up at the first ray of sunshine beaming through the paper window, his body glued down on the sweet comfort of his futon but still, he never overslept even as other kids his age would protest just for a few extra seconds in the warmth. 

By the time he was done with the daily chores, it would already be way into the afternoon and his tiny hands, soaked in water to wet the towels, would be shaking under the cold. Grandma Yumie always brought out the kotatsu in times like this. “It is a luxury,” she said with a chuckle as her grandson watched in awe at how the tiny round table in the living room had now been transformed into a warm cave, shielding the winter cold out with the blanket draping down the sides, “a reward for those who worked hard in the cold.”

The days he spent with his grandmother was some of his fondest memories, to the point where years later, even as he was old enough to have his own house with paper windows and a round table perfect for being turned into a kotatsu, he still insisted that there weren’t any feeling better than laying under the warm blankets after a hard day at work with the tv playing and a cup of warm tea in his hand.

When he was small, very small, with his fingers still a bit clumsy and not quite able to aim at the little loops held together by the yarn, Kita would sit there and watched as grandma Yumie brought out the baskets and baskets of colourful yarn, all sorts of sizes and patterns, and let him pick which one she should use that day. The afternoon news was playing in the background, and baby Kita had his palms holding on the warm mug of tea that was far more diluted and with way more honey drizzled into it than the one sitting in front of the older woman. His golden eyes all round and focused on the needles going in and out of the woolen piece that grew longer and longer with each flick of her wrist.

He could not figure out what had happened in the quiet hours where he just stared, not yet worked out the way each loop and thread came together in holding everything together, but all he knew was that the scarfs grandma gave him were always the softest and warmest, and comes in all the colours that lighted up the roads of Hyogo that were covered in white.

Kita learnt how to knit when he was old enough to remember the sequence at which the needle thread through the yarn. One hook under the open loop, the other holding it still, before pulling it out and putting the neat knot in place. He started with the thickest needle and the yarn that showed every knot and pattern clearly, before slowly moving to thinner threads and fancier ways of knitting. Now, winter afternoon at the Kita household consisted of grandmother and grandson sitting side by side around the kotatsu, the afternoon programs playing softly at the background as the sounds of yarns brushing against each thread filled the air.

There had never been a single cast out of place in whatever he made, whether it be a scarf or a pair of socks or a little hat for the puppy next doors. Because knitting was about patience, the knowing that you just had to keep repeating and repeating to make sure everything holds together, until you eventually had something good in your hands. It was feeling the tiny bumps under your finger once you had the finished product laid out in front of you, knowing that you put time and care into every single one of them.

Grandma Yumie complimented her grandson on everything he had ever made, smiling until her eyes were just two thin curves as she watched the boy who wasn’t so tiny anymore with his golden eyes fixed on the needle going in and out of each loop, the knitted fabric growing longer with each flick of his wrist.

-

You could not knit to save a life.

But you had tried, you really did. 

Once, when you were 12 and sitting in art class, your eyes beaming at the many balls of yarn your teacher had brought in.

“Today, we’re going to learn how to knit!” The teacher, with pins all over her apron and a book of stickers for the kids who did well poking out of its pocket, said as she placed the plastic box on the table, “By the end of class, you can all bring home something you made to give to your parents!”

You liked art class. It was fun being able to play around with crafts supplies under the disguise of early creativity development, and the things you brought home were always somewhere around the house.

You liked the way you could walk past something you had made and know that it was good enough to be put up, and liked the feeling of showing people the things you were proud of.

You picked out your colours carefully, imaging the way your father would have fitted a dark brown scarf into his work clothes or how mom could have used something in that lovely cream coloured yarn that was ignored by the other kids who went straight for the blues and yellows. You ended up with balls of grey in your arms as you made way back to your seat, thinking that it would go well with, well, everything.

You did not quite remember how you felt about the knitting process itself, all you knew was the excitement budding up in your chest as you just kept repeating and repeating, until the grey bundle of yarn got smaller and smaller.

You knew you could make something they would like, you just knew it.

The outcome of the hour and a half where you did nothing but fidget with yarn and needle was a subtly misformed scarf, a bit crooked at the edges because you forgot how to tie up the piece by the time it was long enough to be thrown around your shoulders and back. It wasn’t exactly the most intricate piece of knitwear, with small ends of the thick thread clumsily tugged back within the grids and some places missing a loop or two. 

But still, it held together nicely with the softest texture, and you were proud of yourself.

Your parents took the gift graciously when you presented it to them like you were handing them something of the uttermost value, complimenting you on your hard work and thought as they felt the piece in their hand. You made your father promised to wear it out the next day and he complied with a grin as he threw the scarf around his neck.

Now that you looked back on it, it was definitely not something a proper adult would prefer to be seen in in the public since it was rather... wonky, to put it lightly.

But you were small, and you did not have any idea that even though you tried what you thought was your best, sometimes your best was just not enough.

Oh, the way you froze when your father handed the pile of loose yarn to you that was all bundled up with a worried stare, your throat tight while you used all the might in you to suppress the urge to let the tears just fall.

You soon learned that loose ends and hasty stitches meant that even the slightest tug would make the whole thing crumble, and hours of your dedication was not a match to even the most accidental pull at the widened hole where you tried to hide all the mistakes you made.

You told yourself you were never knitting ever again at age 11, with your face buried in your pillow at the late nights when you didn’t have to fear letting anyone know that you were crying over a few balls of yarn.

At age 15, you had your first real, serious crush, the kind that made the pitch of your voice go higher unconsciously and the corner of your lips tug up just at a passing thought. Your crush was popular, the type of boys that spoke each word loud and clear like they had endless energy. You thought he was dazzlingly good-looking, even though he still had a bit of the awkwardness of being mid-puberty left in the soft arc of his brows and loop-sided grin. He was the captain of the football team, always the first to dash out the classroom with a dusty ball in his arms during break. You spent a good amount of your recesses just looking out of the window with your elbows propping you up against the frame, pretending to listen to whatever your friends were saying when you were looking at him instead.

Occasionally, he would look up from the field as he jogged backwards, and your heart always skipped a bit at the possibility that maybe his gaze had stopped at you for even just a second.

Holiday season rolled around the corner as you looked out one morning to see dots of white landing on the glass, each speckle of the snowflake clearly visible as it plastered on the window, the one you always pretend to not be looking too longingly out of while doing exactly just that. The nearer your last day of school before winter break was, the more you felt the knot twisting and turning in your stomach at the thought of whether you should try and disguise all that feeling into what could be as simple as a normal holiday greeting, between normal classmates.

It was at a passing that you overheard your crush telling the group of people who were crowding around his table during one lunch break that he thought it was attractive when people hand out handmade gifts, earning a round of high-pitched responses from those who were smiling a bit too widely for it to be natural around him, each one of them claiming that then they would try to make something for him.

You shifted in your seat, pretending that you were just napping on your desk casually instead of pitifully eavesdropping on a conversation you both wished you were part of and was absolutely detested by.

You had long decided that you could not even pretend that you were crafty by any means, but sadly, you were also young and very much so head-over-heels in love with a boy who just announced to everyone who was, like you, trying hard to impress him that he basically preferred people who make their own presents.

So that was how you found your way back to the knitting needle that you had not touched since 4 years ago, after how every single trashy article in every single teen magazine that you, at age 15, read an unhealthy amount of, told you that there was no better present to give that would portray the amount of thought and care you were willing to put into something like a garment that was hand knitted with only the receiver in thought.

It should be quite clear that the editors of those articles were just too lazy to come up with something new and picked the safest, most conventional option to put in there, but you were too desperate to find something you too could do that you didn’t care.

You left school each day in complete darkness now that the sun was long gone in the middle of the day as the end of the year approached, and spent the little free time you had to yourself at home struggling to knit. Your hands were a lot more in control compared to the last time you knitted, but the lack of guidance in every step of the way as you relearnt how to knit all from the very beginning.

It was cold, and your fingers were already hurting from the chill, but it did not stop you from staying up each night trying to get the piece done before it was finally the holidays.

You had spent hours looking for tutorials only, always battling between the knowledge that your skill was not enough to replicate a good half of the videos you had bookmarked and thinking that the easy ones were too basic for you to gift to someone. You settled on a neck warmer, something you could imagine the boy you so pined after wearing while running on the court. And as you held the finished piece up under the light, you were proud of yourself for actually carrying through.

There were no messy threads in the scarf this time, and you were sure this was something that could at least be of use to whoever got it.

The day when you were supposed to gather the courage to hand out the present came sooner than you were ready for. You came back to school early that day, knowing that your crush was usually having morning practice at the hour and no one else would be around. 

To your surprise, there was already another neatly wrapped box inside of his desk drawer by the time you got back. Its tag was hanging out of the tray rather deliberately, like a sly wink and a wave. Your chest tightened that someone was already one step ahead of you, but quickly fed yourself the narrative that it was actually better this way. This way, your gift would not stand out and seemed like it did not belong there. 

It was just a scarf, but the little paper bag that you spent an embarrassingly long amount of time decorating the night before felt so heavy in your hands as you stared blankly at it, the nerves settling in your stomach as your throat tightened at the last minute conflict.

The loud footsteps that neared broke you out of your trance, and you threw the gift bag into your drawer before pretending like you were doing something else. You cursed inwardly when you saw that it was the last person you wished to see at this moment, a rare sentiment given how your eyes usually search for him in a crowd.

The group of boys didn’t seem to pay you much mind as they huffed, laughing at something you did not catch on to as they threw their bags down. You masked the pounding of your chest with a violent stroke of your highlighter against the notebook that opened up hastily in front of you when you heard them going near the table you had been eyeing all morning.

“Huh? What is this?” 

You buried your nose in your book, but glanced at the few boys gathering around the desk from the corner of your eyes. 

Your heart wrenched when you heard one of the boys snorted, before shoving the box into your crush’s chest. “It’s for you.”

The sharp tear made your scalp tingle, but you fought back the urge to sit up straighter in reflex.

Couldn’t let them know you were listening, couldn’t let them know you cared.

“Ah... it’s a scarf,” even in your most delusional mind, there was no way you could ignore the slight hint of annoyance at his voice. 

“Hm, they said they made it themselves.”

The density of the air around you was a stark comparison to the boys’ howling and laughing that followed. The recipient of the gift only shoved the garment into the box roughly before plopping the lid back on.

“So?” one of his friends asked, snickering, “what are you going to do about it?”

The click of his tongue that followed twisted around your throat until all the blood rushed up to your face, burning and suffocating you. “Do you want it?”

“Hell no, why would I want a re-gift?” The other boy yelled with a holler, “why don’t you just keep it yourself  

“Well, I can’t wear it, can I? It’s gonna give them the wrong idea.” The nonchalant way he so easily brushed off the undoubted hours and hours of effort whoever made the gift must have dedicated to the present that was now pushed to the very back of his drawer felt foreign to you. A pang of bitterness welled up in your mouth, running your tongue dry as your mind go blank. 

“Besides, don’t you think getting something handknitted from someone you aren’t with is a bit too suffocating?”

The gift bag in your drawer remained to stay right where it was when other people started rushing into the room, when the class bell rang, when the same boy who you now realised wasn’t as nice as you thought he might be rushed out with the same smile he had on when he came in that morning. 

You shoved it into your bag first thing when you were getting ready to leave, hoping that no one would catch on.

You were surprisingly serene when you tore into hours and hours of effort until it was just a bundle of yarn on the floor.

You were age 15, swearing that you were never doing crushes ever again and finally decided with determination that knitting was just not for you

-

But life has its ways of making you think twice about every promise you had made to yourself.

First in the form of a snowfall you had not expected, and then with a boy who was always prepared for the cold.

Waking up early in the mornings just to tread yourself through the chilly streets sucked, but having to rush out because the initial “5 minutes more” you told yourself as you pulled the futon over your head once more turned into you having to rush out the door with your coat barely even worn properly in the matter of a flutter of your eyes. 

Your mouth was dry and your stomach empty from skipping past the breakfast that had already gone cold on the table by the time you passed it by. It wasn’t until you felt the pain tearing at your skin from the few bits of your body exposed to the specks of snow flowing down onto the back of your hand, so cold that it felt almost like a burn when the feeling settled, that you remembered the mittens you had also left at the side of your dresser. 

Great, just wonderful.

Winter in Hyogo was forgiving on some days, brutal and mocking on the others. The grey clouds were thick and gloomy as you dashed down the road, pulling the collar of your jacket up desperately to shield your face from the wind that you were up against face first, slicing down like blades before you finally made the last turn into the comforting walls of your school building. Your face felt numb of any senses even as you brought your palm up to try and give it some warmth, only to hiss into your hand when the frosted tips of your fingers brushed against your skin.

The bell rang almost right on cue as you stepped into the classroom, letting out a sigh and salvaging in the temporary supply of warmth from your own breath. Your lips were so dry and so chapped from the cold, even just darting your tongue out to swipe over the rough edges had it almost tearing at the thin skin. You winced at the pain, which did not serve you anything other than making the ache worse.

You sighed as you sunk down on your chair, finally able to let your limbs go slack at your sides after being so tense all the way through your walk. The sudden release of the tension you had been holding on you resulted in a broken inhale as you tried to calm the beating dee under the many layers you were wearing, feeling as if you were suffocated in your core with the heat trapped in and only within the center of your body.

“Are you alright?”

Turning to your side was a struggle as you shrugged off the stiff coat you were wearing. You were sure you looked nothing short of ridiculous as the puffer jacket hung loosely around your arms, your arms extended awkwardly to hold it from sliding off the ground. Your state of being was a stark contrast to the boy who was sitting next to you, his back all straight and proper. 

You did not really think much about Kita Shinsuke, even though he had been sitting next to you for almost half a year now. There was something distant about him, like he was in a whole world of his own while everyone else just circulated around. He was always polite, never slipped up, getting back earlier than most and arrived at each function punctually. Your image of him was that he was always paying attention in class while everyone else was drooling off, his voice loud but calm when he was suddenly called to read out whatever passage you were supposed to have read at home but obviously didn’t.

It was strange, you were almost distancing yourself from him despite physically being next to him at all times.

He just didn’t seem so real, didn’t feel very human to you.

“Are you alright?” Kita asked again, this time tilting his head a little seeing that you were looking ahead blankly instead of responding.

You snapped out of your trance, quickly yanking off your jacket to place it on your lap in what you hoped was a swift motion to save the embarrassment of acting like a socially numb idiot.

“Oh, I’m fine,” you smiled, shoving your hands under your coat to try and warm up the fingers you still couldn’t feel under the fleece, “thank you for asking.” You added, almost like a second thought as you grew more and more uneased by his seemingly doubtful gaze.

Kita’s eyes went to your hair that was still not yet tidied up from being tangled up by the wind, the dots of water on your coat that was no doubt left from the snow, and your hands that were now rubbing together again and again under the coat according to his guess.

His brows furrowed at the way you were folding yourself smaller and smaller, pulling the heavy jacket that was about to slip off your lap up against your body desperately.

There was a rush of shiver to your spine at the way he pursed his lips together, and you gulped as subtly as you could while trying to maintain the smile on your face. 

There was a speckle, a tiny bud of warmth setting off in your stomach when he turned around and slipped his hands into his jacket, hung neatly at the back of his chair unlike yours, and took out a small packet. It was a white fabric pocket but you could see the black powder inside from the thin fabric. 

You did not react when he held his hand out, slender fingers holding on the hand warmer mid-air as he waited for you to take it from him. You blinked at the boy who you had never really looked at properly until now, and felt a strange twist in your stomach at the notice that there was a slight flush on his face from the cold, dusting over his cheeks and leading your gaze to his eyes that were looking at you patiently.

He must have thought that you were so strange, you grimaced to yourself when the pang of guilt rushed to your face and burning to the tip of your ears at the remembrance that you had assumed him to be the strange one when you were being so disrespectful right now.

You held out both hands in front of him, looking like a child when he dropped the little bag in your hand. Nothing could stop the sigh from slipping out of your lips when you felt the heat it was emitting, landing on your fingertips like coal in the snow and seeping into your skin.

The warmth travelled from your skin down to your veins, running slowly and slowly until it settled down as a fuzzy tingle in your chest at the thought that it was so warm because he had been the one keeping it in his pocket, likely trapping the heat within his palms when he was holding the warmer himself.

“Thank you Kita kun...” you said appreciatively, swallowing the whine that was threatening to come out with the last note of your voice when you felt your senses slowly returning to you.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, and your heart skipped a beat when he leaned his chin on his palm and gave you a tiny smile, “you should keep it, my hands don’t get cold that easily and I brought mittens.”

You did not speak to him again that day as class started and he, like the good student you never were, put his attention back to things that were more worthwhile. But you could not help but listen carefully for the first time ever when he was once again called to read out the lengthy piece of literature you didn’t study, and feeling a burst of exciting, nerve-wracking warmth budding in your chest.

-

At age 15, you promised yourself you were not doing crushes over dumb teenage boys again. At age 17, you realised that the pang in your chest when Kita Shinsuke replied to your greeting each morning (one that you tried hard to make it sound as casual as one could get, if you may add) with a smile was the same as that when you imagined your old crushed looking up from the ball court to lock gazes with you. 

But Kita was not a dumb teenage boy, he was nice and well-mannered and asked you if you were alright on a winter day. So you told yourself you did not exactly break your promise, even though there was a lingering fear at the knowing that there too was a time when you thought the boy who sneered at the carefully wrapped box on his desk was nice and beaming like the sun.

(You had, however, screamed into your pillow in frustration the day he told you they made him the captain of the volleyball team for the next year when you carefully suggested that he seemed happier than usual. “Captains,” you groaned into your make-shift punching bag, “why are they always captains?”)

Winter passed, and then it was spring. Spring was the time for a new start, but you were not excited about changes. You had been content with a simple “good morning” every day made possible by the convenience of your adjacent tables, but how were you supposed to conceal your yearning for a smile and a nonchalant word of care as nothing out of place if you had to go out your way just to even catch a glimpse at him?　

You had to force yourself, clamp your lips tight together to stop the pitiful squeal that was close to bursting out from the back of your throat when you saw the familiar kanji, the same one as the direction always pointing people forward and the brightest star hanging on the sky, at the “ki” column of the class list. 

Your third and last year and still in the same class, this was a sign, this had got to be a sign.

The anticipation was hard to conceal as you paced down the hallway until stopping at the sign of “3-7″ above the door. The embarrassment immediately followed the initial rush of glee at the boy who was, as expected already there. He was sitting at the first seat at the row leaning by the wall and even though your heart died a little at the conflict that you could not slack in class with the whoever it was standing in front of the blackboard so close to you, you still walked closer to the table right behind his with carefully controlled steps.

“Good morning Kita kun,” you said, still fumbling to find a balanced tone between letting him know you were happy to see him but not too much, glad that you were in the same class but not in a creepy way, hoping that he also searched for your name the way you looked for his but not holding out too much for it.

your throat tightened when he smiled back at you, “Good morning, (y/l/n) san.”

“You are early,” you blurted out, praying that it wasn’t too sudden.

“Yes, I had to stop by the club room to prepare for the upcoming tryouts before coming back.” He had turned around to face you completely, and you searched for everything your brain could come up with to keep the conversation going.

“Oh right, you are the captain now,” you cursed yourself for stating something so obvious in your brain, absolutely loathing air-headed your own voice sounded in your head. You breathed in, mastering your courage to appear confident and charming, “I hope it’s alright if I sit here behind you?”

You were smiling, but your knuckles were hurting from how hard you had to grip at the handle of your bag just to hold yourself back from fidgeting. The chair was already half pulled-out, and you crouched down just slightly as you waited for a response.

You knew you were the one who asked, but what if he said no?

But he didn’t, and not even the fear of appearing like a fool in front of the boy you so wanted to impress could stop you from grinning ear to ear when he laughed. You didn’t think you had heard Kita laugh before. It was an addicting sound, crisp like bells and like the pink petals that were falling off the trees all around campus. 

You knew at that moment you didn’t care if this crush was just as dumb as the last one, or that you might end up looking like a fool for going against what you had so sternly told yourself when you were 15.

Screw 15 year old you, they knew nothing.

“Of course.”

-

Then winter rolled by the corner, as an angry current sweeping the dried leaves off the road and the temperature dropping and dropping until you were taking out your heavy coat from the back of your closet again.

It was with great regret and exasperation that you found out, one year after starting to learn more about Kita Shinsuke, that he was brilliant and absolutely so passionate about knitting.

The way you had a whole storm brewing in your head over something as simple as getting back to your classroom after lunch break to see a very calm, serene Kita at his table, with a ball of yarn on his lap and two needles threading with each other in his hand, was an absolute joke. You had tried to form an interest in volleyball just to have more chances to talk to him, going as far as to sit through the hour long practices matches that Inarizaki always had with other schools at the far back corner of the gym just to have something to bring up in a passing the next day. But of all the things, of all the things this person who seemed to be good at everything liked, it has got to be the one thing that you associated with nothing but bad memories.

“What are you making?” you asked, holding back the screaming thoughts in your head as you slid down into your own seat and leaned forward.

The little glimmer of joy in his eyes was hard to miss, and you were not sure if you want to feel triumphant for finding a new excuse to talk to him or cry because you had not looked at a knitting needle in years.

“I’m knitting socks,” he said and held up the tunnel of knitted fabric dangling off his needles, “it’s almost Christmas, and I wanted to make something practical for my teammates.” 

“Hm?” You nodded, urging him to go on as if your own scalp was not frying from the recoil of what happened the last few times you wanted to make something practical for someone.

“This is for Akagi from class 6,” he immediately added, thinking about how you might not know who Akagi from class 6 was, “he had been complaining about having cold feet at morning practices lately.”

(You did, in fact, know who Akagi from class 6 was, but decided to let him give you the information instead of exposing how much attention you paid to the Inarizaki Volleyball Club.)

Man, you had never wished you knew how to knit as much you do now.

“Can you teach me how to knit?”

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck-

You froze at the words that went straight through your brain to your mouth and vocalised in the quiet classroom. 

“There’s something I want to make,” you gulped, stumbling to force a smile onto your face, “for someone.”

Someone as in, well, him.

You had already braced yourself to chuckle it off when he said that he was busy, or just some sort of well-intended reasoning that would all point to the immediate  conclusion in your head that you were just overstepping boundaries as no one but another classmate who just happened to sit near him for the past year.

But the screaming in your head stopped, leaving your world in absolute silence when he placed the ball of yarn onto his table and pulled another ball out from his bag.

“Sure.”

-

You did not notice, which was strange because you were usually the first to overthink on each of his miniatures, that Kita Shinsuke nearly dropped the needles in his hand when you quickly, in the middle of your inner panicking, suggested that there was someone you wanted to knit for.

He wavered for a brief moment, wondering if he really wanted to teach you how to knit for someone else, before feeling a sour guilt that he was being a bad friend by hesitating to help you when you asked.

He wondered who it was that you wanted to make something for, he thought to himself as he handed you the spare pair of needles he had.

Must be someone important to you.

-

So every day until you eventually go on break for Christmas and the new years, you would go back to your classroom early during lunch period to learn how to knit from Kita Shinsuke, who was coincidentally who the eventually finished piece that you hope you would finish was meant for.

You went into this with no thought other than to suck up on your own impulsiveness and just milked what had become of it as much as you could, trying to fish the opportunity of spending extra time with him. You were not even sure if you would actually give him the finished piece if there would be any, you were not sure if you were prepared to go down the progress of determination turned hesitation turned eventual heartbreak that last time you had to muster up any courage just to gift something to another person.

Even though this was all an excuse for you to talk to Kita, there was no denying that the 3 years in which you avoided knitting only made your hands even clumsier than before. He was always patient, always stopping his hands with whatever sock or hat or glove he was making to take a look at what would hopefully become an intact piece of knitwork dangling off of your needles.

“Let me see.”

The soft hum from his nasal every time you called for his assistant was enough to have you weak, and you were so glad that he put all his focus on helping you because then he wouldn’t notice you staring at him rather shamelessly.

On days when the weather was good, it was as if his eyes were the winter sun, the same one that was spilling in through the windows and casting a soft halo around him, all while his brows contorted in concentration over your work.

It turned out that Kita Shinsuke was great at teaching, and while much slower than him, you eventually managed to sit in comfort silent with him in the tender winter afternoons of Hyogo and let the sounds of thread pulling filled the air. You were trying but he was a natural, even though he claimed that it was just a direct result from years, a decade of practicing.

In the time you had struggled to focus on one piece, you had seen Kita worked on a multitude of things you were sure you should not even attempt to make. There was a nice thick pair of gloves for Ojiro, the trusty spiker who was feeling bothered by his dry hands from cold water. Another pair of gloves but this time fingerless because, to quote Kita, Suna Rintarou probably wouldn’t wear anything that kept him away from his lovely touch screen. You saw woollen hats twice but in different colours, and he had explained that he thought of making something different for the ruckus twin boys but figured they would just get into yet another fight over who gets what.

Crush aside, you wished you had a slither of his skills.

“I think anyone can be good at knitting,” he said, handing you back the row of maroon casts you had asked him to check up on with an approving nod. His fingertips just barely brushed against yours as he let go of the needles, sending shivers up your forearm that you were so glad was covered by your cardigan.

You laughed, brushing your finger at the few spots that you struggled to get right on the pattern, “I doubt.”

His eyebrows furrowed. “What do you mean?” he said, pointing towards the casts that got neater and neater as you progressed visibly, “you are already getting better.”

You pursed your lips, toying with the unfinished hem.

You had learnt a long time ago that sometimes you tried your best, but the best was not always enough. Sometimes, the best would get you a huff and a complaint that your heart and soul was too heavy, too suffocating. Sometimes the more and more you put into something meant that you did not know where to put it anymore once you tore it apart after no longer having someone to give it too, but it was too much to shove back into the hole in your heart.

You wondered if your best or your “better” was enough this time.

“Kita kun.”

“Hm?” he hummed, like how he always did when you look up at him from your hands. But you did not look at him this time, twirling the loose end of the yarn in your index finger instead.

“Do you think getting something handknitted from someone you aren’t with is suffocating?”

Kita frowned at the sad smile that was on your lips. You were looking at what he assumed would be a scarf from the casting and the patterns, rubbing at the slightly crooked cable. Were you thinking of the person you want to give it to? Were you worried that they wouldn’t like it? He had made himself stop speculating who it was that made you get back early each day and struggle so clearly with something you didn’t seem to exactly enjoy just to make something thoughtful for them, but he couldn’t stop the bitterness from welling up that it was someone who made you worry over them finding you suffocating.

He wanted to tell you that anyone who thought so was not someone who deserved your time, but swallowed it down anyways.

“No,” he said, and you finally looked up at him, “I think it is rude to think that of someone who put effort into doing anything with me in mind.”

And there it was again, the same warmth that tingled until it was all you could feel. Like a hand warmer, like a simple hello in the mornings, like the winter sun that was shining on you.

Right.

You smiled, a genuine one this time.

Because Kita Shinsuke was not just some dumb crush, because he wasn’t like the boy who never really did look up to see you, because you were ok with breaking every single promise you had made to shield yourself off just for a chance with him.

He seemed confused at your sudden change of mood, but you only shook your head and picked up the knitting needles again.

“You’re right.”

-

To say that everyone was hyped for winter break was an understatement.

But you, you were just really nervous.

You greeted Kita when you came back in the morning as usual, feeling the nerve bundling up in your stomach already just from knowing that if this went badly, you could not bear it to pretend to still be his friend from then on. Classes did not pique your interest in the slightest, and the only time you even diverted your gaze upwards from the book you were staring at blankly was when Kita’s voice rang in the classroom, blocking the blackboard from your view as he stood up to answer some question you did not know the answer to.

He looked warm, you remarked to yourself as your eyes scanned through the grey vest he was wearing.

Did he make it himself? Maybe you should ask him for a tutorial later.

And then you remembered that it was the last day before break, and your knitting sessions with him was already over. Your scarf was finished, he even complimented you on it. (“I’m sure whoever got this will be very pleased,” he had said, and you were just praying to whatever entity you could think of that he would still think so when you give it to him) It wouldn’t make sense for you to go to him anymore, and it would be awkward for both of you if he knew that you were only learning how to knit to be around him.

Your hands were so cold, nearly in pain as you grip on the box that you had been hiding in your bag all day long. You backed out of giving it to him during lunch when no one else was around, deciding that you would rather not stare at his back for another few hours after basically exposing yourself. But the day was about to come to an end. The winter sun was always gone early, and the sky was lit up in shades of orange and red as students rushed home for the start of their break.

You sucked in a deep breath when you saw him packing up his things after the end-of-class bell rang.

“Kita kun?”

“Yes?”

All you could hear was the beating in your ears and the hilt of what was a steady rhythm when he turned to look at you. His voice still made you melt, and heat spread on your face like the fiery cloud hanging on the sky from the setting sun.

Warm, bright, beautiful.

“This is for you,” you tried to stop your voice from shaking as you looked into his eyes, the same ones that widened when he saw the box on your extended hands, “thank you for helping me all through last year.”

You had to remind yourself to breath as Kita took the wrapped present. “Can I open it?” he asked, his hand hovering above the ribbon.

You tried to maintain the smile on your face.

“Of course.”

Kita knew the scarf that was sitting inside the box, he could point out which cast was his doing and which ones you had asked him for help even with his eyes closed. He had wondered about what you had done with it, whether the person who got it was worth your heart and soul.

He had wished, with sincerity, that it would go well for you but there was also a selfish part of him that pondered, contemplated how it might go if he told you he would love to have that scarf.

You grimaced when he didn’t say a word, before slowly closing up the box. You had prepared yourself for this outcome, but part of you still felt a familiar sting in your chest.

Until you saw him digging into his own bag and pulling out a tiny bag. You were still dazed as he handed it to you, his fingers holding onto the handle and a smile on his face as he waited for you to take it. You reached out with both palms, before the weight of it settled in your hand.

It was a pair of gloves, soft and sturdy in your hands without a single stitch out of place. Your finger brushed against the intricate patterns at the center before stopping at the elastic hem. You could not help but slid it on, gasping in awe at how it fit perfectly.

Kita was smiling at you, and he was throwing the end of the scarf to his back when you looked up at him. The one he had worn that morning when he made way back to school under the cold was shoved into his bag and replaced by the less well-made one you had given him.

But he didn’t care, he loved it.

“Should we go?” He asked, holding his own gloved-hand out, “They are closing the school soon.”

You finally got to be mesmerised by him without having to shy away, and the way his eyes were full of you could only be matched to the sun that was setting outside, rays of what would be the last of its shine until tomorrow reflecting off the snow.

Beautiful, soft, and had your heart all warm and gooey.

“Let’s go.” You replied, grinning ear to ear, before taking his hand.

And it was so, so warm.