#with each passing day that i don’t see that movie i feel more insane

[crowleysfall]

y’all don’t understand i need to see the queer movie so badly and it isn’t playing anywhere near me this is so incredibly sick and twisted

[willowed-wisp]

sweethearts [ johnny ‘soap’ mactavish ]

johnny ‘soap’ mactavish x f!reader

You had known him forever. Since nursery school and all the time in between.

John MacTavish- though, you called him Johnny. And in later life, that turned into calling him ‘Soap’.

He had been gunning for that uniform since you were 15 and he was 16… falsifying his age only to fail miserably.

It was culture shock to when he left when he was 18… he was your first friend, first kiss, first young love. Yet, it was nothing official. Just two best friends experimenting with each other. You couldn’t have asked for a better person.

You were there when he came back- more of a man than the boy who left. All of him larger than before even that indicative smile. But HE hadn’t changed, still the same snack eating, football loving Scotsman.

That meant your attraction for him was worse than ever- having been in love with Johnny for most of your life. His sky bursted gaze enough to drive you crazy.

Someone like him would never feel the same about you- strictly friends.

Mates who got mistaken for boyfriend and girlfriend most days of the week. Neither of you minded it but it was always you who persisted the, ‘as if… he drives me insane…’ the pining kind of insanity.

His return led you to distance yourself, an insecure freshly turned 18 year old, distracting herself from the boy next door. Johnny could do much better for friends than you, he was the youngest SAS recruit to pass the selection.

HE COULD DO MUCH BETTER THAN YOU.

You didn’t even go say goodbye to him when he left for his first mission- somewhere you’d never know.

Instead, he came to you. Stood at your doorstep.

His face gloomy, “So you weren’ even gonna say goodbye?” Not knowing what to do, your shoulders shrugged and silence ensued. “You’ve been off for weeks, when was the last time we had a movie night? Is it because of the training? Me leavin’?”

Fingers picking at your nails; you’d never been nervous around him. But this was the first time seeing him in god-knows how long, when you hadn’t spent a day away from each other. “I don’t know, John- ,”

“You do know and that’s the problem, Y/N, because you won’t bloody tell me what I’ve done wrong,” he spoke harsher than intended, regretting it within an instant as your stepped forward- sizing the six foot something soldier up.

Staring up at him, ��Why do you bother with me when you could have anybody around you? I’m not going anywhere with my life!” It wasn’t envy that spurred you on, it was the fact he was going to leave you.

Heartbroken and yearning. Lost without the boy who had always bolstered you up when you had been thrown to the ground.

Johnny’s eyes welled with tears, “What’s made you think that?”

In a whisper, “You’ve just gotten into the fucking SAS, Johnny…”

“So what? I’m still the same guy… nothing’s ever gonna change me… you should know that by now…”

You wanted things to change- the dynamics between you. Before he found somebody who would knock him off his feet and you’d never get the chance.

His fingers trailed your arm, before he cupped your hand. Blue coveted your vision, “Nothing’s goin’ to change us, you’re my absolute best mate…”

Like a dagger, he struck a nerve, “Maybe I don’t want to be your ‘best mate’, I’m sick of pining for you when clearly you’ll never feel the same way,” a quick pause, “Go and find a pretty gir- ,” Before you knew it, his kiss smothered you. More intimate than when you were twelve, with more intent.

Instead of resisting, you caved in. Hands balanced holding his jawline, clean shaven.

Exploring every inch of your body in that hurried kiss. It was better than anything you had dreamed.

Before you pulled away first, “You’re my everything, Y/N…” Thumbs rubbing circles at your waist. “I cannot tell you how long I’ve wanted to do tha’…”

The memory ran writhe in your brain. That was 8 years ago…

Since then you were happily married with a baby on the way. Johnny had been deployed for over a month. Today he was supposed to be returning- from where you didn’t have a clue but he always came home safely.

That’s what mattered.

You expected the phone to start buzzing, the usual unknown number saying to go to the airport. Instead, a knock at the door.

It was like him not to want to run you around pregnant. But it was Simon who answered the door.

Not able to help the tremble. Air caught in your throat, choking on nothing. “He’s not… is he?” Stopping those tears from coming down- clutching your belly.

You’d have fallen to your knees- had it not been for capable hands.

You looked up, blue eyes for days and a face contorted worriedly, “What did you say, to ‘er, LT?” He held you close, but it would never be enough for you. “You and munchkin okay?” He rubbed your large stomach.

You crushed him in your arms. “Darlin’, I’m a bit tender…” Only then did you notice the sling in his arm, a bandage skirting beneath his shirt.

“What happened?” He shook his head, a grin on his face.

One of nervousness, “It could have been a lot worse,” Simon was as gruff as usual. You would never be allowed to know what happened.

“I’m just glad you’re safe and sound,” Thumb rubbing along longer stubble on his cheek, there was more to the story than either him or Simon were telling you. “You too, Si, thanks for taking care of him.” Spoken wholeheartedly, “Dinners on, you can stay if you want?”

He accepted as he usually did. The mood held less tension as time went on. You came to the conclusion that you were lucky to have Johnny in front of you, laughing at some stupid dad joke Simon said.

All you did was sit there, looking at the guy you had loved all your life.

Your Johnny…

————

I contemplated 💀 Johnny but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’s just too sweet and just too tragic to write.

Thank you for reading :) xx

————

masterlist

[taesanrot]

[moved on] fwb!taesan x f!reader | 0.7k words shorter drabble inspired by the song moved on by laundry day!

my heart is saying things my mind just cannot speak ... i don't know what is wrong with me

taesan was an avoidant. he was good at ignoring things, pushing away the elephant in the room and pretending he doesn't care, that it couldn't bother him any less. he was good at ignoring the way your glances at him grew longer and fonder. he was even better at ignoring the way your doe eyes and soft hair made his heart race and stomach turn.

i'm clinging onto you just like i cannot breathe ... i don't know what is wrong with me

he knew it hurt you and he hated himself for it. you two had agreed to keep things between the two of you casual, seeking comfort in each others' touch in the late hours of the weekend and barely speaking the days in between. at the time it started, taesan's fleeting presence filled you up, bringing you out of the emotional trenches school had sent you into.

maybе I'm the problem saying this is alright ... am i coming on too strong?

that was your first mistake -- you should've known you were setting yourself up for failure right then and there. letting the raven haired boy light up your day with a simple stroke of his hand against your cheek; your heart never stood a chance against the curse of time.

please make sure you call, just to say it's alright ... am i waking you all night?

as the days passed, it was taesan who became the reason you ached on late nights. staring at your still unread message, you wondered why things were like this. the boy's actions twisted your mind in ways he'd never know. at times like this your mind flashed back to the way he was after the sun had set, when it was just the two of you in your own world.

we get together but things might just be better if we moved on

the way his warm lips felt against your neck, the way his fingers burned into your skin, it was all imprinted on your mind. the moments you two shared felt so intimate, and they replayed in your mind over and over like a broken record.

turning around under your heavy blanket for the tenth time that night, you screwed your eyes shut as more and more memories invaded your mind and dreams.

the two of you had been watching a movie, your head laying on his chest and his hand rubbing your shoulder softly. eyes trained on your laptop, you almost missed taesan’s face in your peripheral vision, peeking over at you. he had a habit of doing this — you always assumed he was simply checking if you were awake. you always stayed silent, just smiling and blinking delicately at him.

“i’m awake, san” you don’t know what made you blurt out defensively, but taesan shook his head softly at your words.

“i know, i was just looking at you.” your stomach still turns at the thought of the smile he was adorning as those words fell from his pretty lips.

his fond smile only looked wicked to you now, his words singing your skin and burning your resolve. how could he say all of that without feeling a single thing? you thought to yourself bitterly.

am i giving you up? ... changing seasons, can't believe it now i'm leaving you

sometimes taesan too thought he was insane. it stung to think about the sweet things he'd said or done to you -- it scared him how he meant it all completely. the boy didn't know what was wrong with him, why he couldn't just let the two of you be happy and togehter. he felt like a speed bump in the road, stubbornly and selfishly guarding his heart at the expense of your fragile mind.

hindsight is 20/20, and sitting alone in his cold and you-less bed, taesan knows what he should've done and said to you, what was staring him in the face this whole time. he was utterly in love with you and he didn't even realize.

bitterly, he pulls his phone out of his pocket and reads over your last text to him again.

[2:47 a.m]

y/n: i can't keep doing this anymore. i'm sorry, let's stop seeing each other.

you have been blocked by this number!

[agaypanic]

omg requests are open!! i hope you’re having a great day, i’d like to request reader is malcolm’s childhood best friend and starts to realize she likes reese, reese has the same realization + how malcolm would take the news tyyy

My Best Friend's Brother (Reese Wilkerson X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You always thought of Reese as your best friend’s mean older brother, and Reese always thought of you as his little brother’s annoying tag-along. But as you get older, you realize that feelings can change. 

A/N: i had no idea how to end this :///

***

Knowing Malcolm for years, you didn’t mind that his family was a bit insane. You had grown to embrace the chaos. You seemed to be more accepting of it than your best friend, who constantly complained about how he wished he had a normal family.

The only family member you joined Malcolm in complaining about was his older brother, Reese. He was a menace, probably psychotic if you were being honest. He was known for being a bully and an asshole, and no matter how hard you tried to look on the bright side of things, you couldn’t help but agree with those judgments.

Reese returned your feelings of annoyance and light loathing. Every time he saw you at his house, he complained about how it was like you lived at the Wilkersons instead of your own place. And whenever he saw you at school, he talked about how he could never escape your presence no matter how hard you tried.

Safe to say, Malcolm did his best to keep the two of you away from each other.

But then, one day, things changed. At least for you.

You were waiting for Malcolm in the living room. The two of you were planning to study at the library and see a movie. You decided to flip through channels on the TV while Malcolm got dressed and got his things together.

“Don’t you have your own house to hang around?” You rolled your eyes at Reese’s voice. 

“And don’t you have some kid to beat up? Or a class to fail?” You tossed the remote on the couch, letting the TV stay on some random channel as you turned your head to look at Malcolm’s brother. But when your eyes fell on him, it felt like your brain stopped functioning.

Reese stood just a few feet away from you, the only thing covering him being a towel wrapped around his waist. His usually spiky hair lay flat and wet on his head. His bare chest was covered in water droplets, falling over his abs and v-line, which disappeared beneath the towel.

“What are you looking at?” He smirked at your speechlessness, a rare state for you to be in. You cleared your throat, turning away from him to turn off the TV before standing up.

“Put on a shirt,” you say, bumping into his lean but muscled arm as you pass by him to go find Malcolm. “Weirdo.”

***

Ever since that day, you’ve been looking at Reese differently. At first, you chalked it up to just being horny or something, because all you could think about was his body. But then you started getting nervous anytime he came around. Whenever you knew you were going over to Malcolm’s house, you put a bit more effort into your appearance just in case you saw Reese. And whenever Malcolm complained about his brother, you didn’t add onto it like you usually did.

“Hey.” You watched Reese make dinner, which you were staying at the Wilkersons for. He glanced up at you, brows furrowing as he returned to the pasta he was cooking.

“What do you want?”

“Can I help?” You blurted out, surprising the both of you. You didn’t really want to cook, but standing next to Reese and helping him make spaghetti was probably better than just ogling him.

Reese took a second to think about it, eyes darting around the kitchen, which was cluttered with ingredients and cookware.

“Okay.” He beckoned you closer and pointed to a jar of sauce and a cluster of seasonings. “You can make the sauce.”

You nodded, pouring the tomato sauce into a pot and turning on the burner. As you stirred, Reese moved away and out of sight, which disappointed you slightly. But you brushed it off and continued cooking.

And then suddenly, he was right behind you.

“Lift your head up.” You tried to disguise the shiver that went down your spine with a deep breath, straightening up like Reese had said. Something passed over your head, and then Reese’s arms reached around your waist. He snugly tied the apron he had put on you, taking a moment before moving back to his previous place beside you. “Don’t forget the seasonings.”

“Yes, chef.” You busied yourself with the sauce so you could ignore your cheeks heating up. Reese gave you a look you didn’t see before clearing his throat and returning to the pasta.

***

“Y/n!?” Malcolm called out as he entered your seemingly empty house. You were supposed to meet him at the park for studying and lunch, and you were an hour late. This was extremely unlike you, so Malcolm decided to swing by your place to see what the hold-up was. “Y/n, are you here?”

At first, Malcolm thought that shouting through the house was useless, because it seemed like you weren’t there. But as he walked through the house, getting close to your bedroom, he realized he wasn’t the only person in it.

He didn’t realize until it was too late that there was one more person in the house than he thought.

“Oh my God!” Malcolm yelled in horror as he looked in your room. Surprised by Malcolm’s sudden presence, you froze, which wasn’t the best thing to do, considering that you were straddling Reese’s lap while he sat up against your headboard. “What the hell are you guys doing?!”

“Malcolm, what are you doing here?” You scrambled off of Reese, who seemed less shocked than you about his brother catching you making out.

“What am I doing here? What’s he doing here?!” Malcolm slammed the door behind him, forcing the three of you to bask in the awkwardness. “How long has this been going on?”

You and Reese looked at each other, silently arguing about who would answer Malcolm’s interrogations. 

“A couple weeks,” Reese finally said, eyes glued on you. “And before you say anything Malcolm, I’m not gonna stop seeing her. I don’t care if she’s your best friend.”

“And I don’t care if he’s your brother.” You added.

Malcolm looked like he was about to explode.

“What?!”

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

Reese Wilkerson Taglist: @hollymaybank @theogirlovermattheogirl

[numberonetacostan]

polycule anon is back i have more thoughts (just gonna use ✨ as a sort of tag so you know it’s me lmao)

i have more hcs:

- more tacomic centered but i could totally see mic fidgeting via doing taco’s hair in tiny little braids. not only bc it’s cute but also bc i think taco really likes having her hair played with for some reason. just thinking about them watching a movie together with taco leaning against mic while mic braids and unbraids her hair to keep her hands busy

- i love the nest hc that i’ve seen on this blog as well and i think it’d be 10x more fun with the polycule. girl is stealing all of their clothes and there’s nothing they can do to stop her. she is such a little thief

- again related to a hc mentioned on this blog: taco hoarding stuff. she totally steals random little trinkets from everyone in the polycule (provided they’re not important to them bc she would never upset them like that) and stashes it away in one of her little hiding spots that nobody else can fit in. sometimes just to mess with them she’ll return it to the exact same spot she found it in days or weeks later. mepad is 100% sure it’s her but just lets her keep doing it since it’s not harming anyone

- just. all the little passing touches between them all. hand holding, little kisses when they’re saying hello or goodbye, etc. i personally think taco is really sensitive to touch bc it’s just been so long, so she reacts a lot better to random light touches than sudden hugs or smth. in turn she’d probably act the same with everyone else since it’s what she’s comfortable with. so just. constant little passing touches whenever they see each other

- i love the wingman idea you mentioned so much. i think it’d be extra funny if mepad was completely aware that taco liked him but knew she needed to take her time sorting it out and all. he’d probably wait for her to come to him unless it becomes increasingly obvious that she won’t and he has to do something or she’s just going to be constantly trying to awkwardly flirt with him but never going any further

- give me taco and toilet bonding over the fact that they both messed up so much but still have people that care about them and want to help them. they are genuinely so similar to each other it drives me insane

- mepad is so sweet with all of them even before they get together. he’s always willing to help comfort any of them and is the first to offer up encouragement or kind words. i think he’d also be the first to say how proud he is of them when they do something they’ve struggled with in the past (ex. mic standing up for herself, she’s def gotten better about it but i’m sure she still struggles at times; taco actually communicating properly and being more open about her emotions; i don’t have a example for toilet tbh i tried coming up with one and just couldn’t)

- related to the above, mepad definitely has to help mediate when taco and mic have issues in their relationship. they both tend to fall back into their own patterns which is not healthy and only really causes problems. he notices them start to avoid each other a bit and sits them both down to talk out what happened and why they’re both upset. it helps when he knows enough about taco to figure out what she may have done even if she won’t say it

Hi Sparkle!!!!!!!!!^^ happy to have you back, and thank you for submitting more of the polycule of all time!!!!!!! XD

Awwwww hewjjwhw!!!! I imagine that after all the time in the woods, Taco is really really happy to be able to have clean hair again!!!!!! So getting it played with like this would make her so happy!!! No more oily, matted hair, only soft happy braidable hair!!!!! And Mic would love love to touch it!!!!!!^^

LITTLE THIEF!!!!!!!!!!^^ yay!!!! I'm so glad you like my hc!!!!!! :D omg she would steal clothes from all of them and just!! Revel in how safe and warm she feels with something of theirs surrounding her!!!!! Mepad's stuff would be so massive compared to her it's so cute <3 <3

Omg little thief part 2!!!!!!!! She can take little knick-knacks of theirs and keep them in her shell too!!!!!!! Just something little from each of them so she always has her partners with her, in a way. Mepad would find it very cute <3!!!!!

YES YES YES!!!!! She would be so sensitive to touch after the homeless era!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They would be so sweet and patient with her, letting her take the lead in a case-by-case basis. Some days Taco maybe want to snuggle for hours, and some she doesn't want to be touched at all!!! And that's perfectly okay and they never touch her without knowing she'll be okay with it!!!!!^^

OMGA Mepad knows and is totally chill and just gonna let her figure things out for herself and even though he reciprocates he wants to give her that space aaaaaaaaaa I love Mepad so much. I also think he would be a better wingman than Mic, but only because he's subtle about it. Mic is not.

TOICO PARALLELS DID SOMEONE SAY TOICO PARALLELS BOTH WHO HAVE MADE SO MANY MISTAKES AND ARE CONSTANTLY TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR THEM AND DO WELL. WHO HAD MEPAD AS THE ONE PERSON WILLING TO BELIEVE THEY WERE MORE THAN THOSE MISTAKES??? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I am #1 toico supporter in any dynamic they can be platonic romantic anywhere in between and i love them

OUGH AUGH GAH MEPAD BEING THE SUPPORTIVE KING HE IS. HE IS SO SO PROUD OF ALL OF THEM. *gently taps mepad because I would NEVER slap him* this bad boy can fit so much love inside him. Guh I'm so sorry most of this is just me gushing over what you've said rather than giving an actual response.

Oh yeah he would absolutely be the mediator for them. He's an excellent mediator anyways, and for Taco and Mic he'd have such a solid understand of both of them he'd really be able to help them work it out. Toilet tried once when Mepad was taking a well-deserved Me-day and. Well nothing actually got resolved but it did dissolve into chaos that left them all laughing so hard that Taco and Mic forgot what they were upset about. Thank you, Toilet <3.

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 4 (MBJ x Black OC)

Warnings: mentions of grief and death… NSFW, public sex, name calling, BDSM themes

A/N: lol remember when I said this was gonna be two parts? Well I finished both so I said why not lol long chapter ahead but I hope you enjoy!

***

“It’s really insane when you think about it,” she laughed. “I mean God, these people are saying shit I wouldn’t dare breathe out loud… to a complete stranger. Do your DMs always look like this?” 

Michael nodded, causing Raven to shake her head in complete disbelief. “I don’t see most of ‘em but my team likes to share the wildest ones sometimes. The people are mad creative.”

“You don’t ever feel objectified by it?” Raven asked, her nails tapping quietly against her screen as she deleted DM after DM. 

“Sometimes but it’s par the course in my world. And they do it to all celebrities. It’s also not like me and my team don’t play into that shit. So it’s kinda hard to get mad. When you get branded as a sex symbol, people treat you like one. And generally, people don’t mean any harm by it. As long as people, you know, keep that shit on social, I don’t get bothered.”

“Fair. People need to like get offline and touch grass. The amount of women in my DMs insulting me for ‘stealing you?’ You’d think I wrecked their fantasy home. It’s kinda disturbing, not gonna lie.” 

Despite the rise in explicit DMs, Raven was pleasantly surprised at how little her life had changed since she became the public girlfriend of a mega movie star. She had never seen so many follow requests in her life and the cameras swarmed the library for the first few days. However, other than that and one or two articles detailing the sparse details of her life that were available, things were pretty much exactly the same. It also helped that there was a major celebrity scandal each week so their relationship had quickly become old news. But they were the new “it couple” on the block. The world bought their act hook, line, and sinker. A few more months of this and the debacle of their first date would be a funny passing joke on SNL or Late Night tv and nothing more. 

“I feel bad dragging you to this shit on your birthday,” Michael mumbled apologetically. 

Raven scoffed. “It’s a dinner party at Ryan Coogler’s with the cast of my favorite superhero movie of all time,” she exclaimed, a bit of her fan girl side slipping out. “Hardly a punishment. We got our photo so you can post something cute and sappy for the gram and I get to do something fun completely unrelated to my birthday. Win, win.” She assured him with a smile. 

Michael still did not understand her aversion to her birthday, it was one of the many things about her that were a big question mark. He thought she was just being modest when she told him so when Ryan invited the couple to dinner at his spot, he felt bad for even asking her to give up her special day for a work event. However, she said yes immediately, clearly thankful for a work obligation to fill up her evening. 

Her phone rang, interrupting Michael’s response. She rolled her eyes when she saw her sister’s name pop up. She had been dodging her and her dad’s calls left and right since she and Michael’s first date weeks ago. She knew her sister would find out from social media and would tell their dad, and she knew they both were just calling with their hands outstretched. She could tolerate them asking for her money and the money she did not have yet, she always found it and, even if she complained, she would give it. But she would not entertain requests for money that was not hers to give away, nor would she give Michael the impression she was a gold digger trying to bleed him dry. He was upholding his end of the bargain, she would not milk him for anymore than that. She let it go to voicemail, however, soon the car filled with the constant dings of her texts.

“You gotta take that?” 

“Umm… yea,” Michael could feel her entire mood sour at the idea. “It’s just my sister. She’ll never stop calling if I don’t. You mind? Sorry,” her tone was apologetic, knowing how frustrating it would be to listen to half a conversation in a car you can’t escape from. 

She held the phone to her ear and waited for her to pick up, making sure to turn the volume down as low as possible in hopes Michael would hear as little of whatever insanity her sister would spew. She knew she was not calling to merely offer happy birthday wishes, if she even acknowledged the day at all.

“Raven! I’ve been calling you for days. What the fuck?” Kiara’s voice filled her ears. 

“Hi Kiara. Sorry, I’ve been a little busy. How are you?” 

“I’m fine.” She responded shortly without asking Raven the same. “And yea, a little busy all over the fuckin’ ShadeRoom. You know how fuckin’ embarrassing it is to find out you’re dating MY celebrity crush on Insta?? You didn’t even like that nigga or his movies.” 

Not true, Raven wanted to yell into the phone. She and her sister were not close enough to know each other’s favorite movies or actors, hell even favorite colors, let alone gossip about their relationships together. So she was not sure why Kiara even expected to know about her relationship, even if it hadn’t been a complete farce. 

“You have me out here lookin’ stupid as shit to my friends.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize how it would impact you.” There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, which she could tell Michael picked up on as he choked back a laugh. However, she knew Kiara was too self absorbed to notice.

“When are you gonna bring him here for us to meet him? The girls want to meet him too.”  

“You and dad are always welcome to come to LA and meet him. O-Or just, you know, visit me?” she threw him an apologetic shrug that just made him laugh. She wished she could laugh at how quickly her family’s tune had changed about seeing her. She had invited them to LA countless times before everything fell apart but they couldn’t have cared less about her life and how she was doing. And when she tried to visit them, they made excuse after excuse about why it was not a “good time.” But now that she had a famous boyfriend, it was “when are you coming to visit?” As if the invitation had always been open. She had not seen her family in two years. “Don’t think either of us have time to come to y’all with his schedule. He’s going out of town soon for his new movie.”

“Maybe I can convince dad if you can get us tickets to the premiere of that movie…. What’s the name? I don’t remember. The girls would love that shit. Or… oh! He has to be invited to the new Black Panther premiere next month too. Maybe we can go to that? I don’t know what that shit’s about but it’s Black Panther so you know hella celebs will be there. He’s gotta be a brand ambassador for some fancy shit. Can you get us some Birkins or something?”

Raven clenched her eyes shut as her sister outlined her laundry list of impossible wants from her “boyfriend.” She knew she could never and would never ask Michael for a fraction of these things. And if she was going to ask him for something out of their contractual obligations, she doubted whether it would be to benefit Kiara of all people. She would do it on behalf of someone who would actually appreciate it.

“I’ll ask him. But maybe for now, you can settle for an autograph? Look, we are actually headed out on a date. Did you or dad need something?”

“Oh yea… I need money for a lawyer for that charge from a couple weeks ago. You know that fuck ass bar is suing us for damages? But that shit wasn’t even our fault.” 

Raven’s head lazily fell to the side as she half-listened to her sister complain for several minutes, drowning on with details from the fight  that made Raven think the bar was well within their rights to demand payment. But accountability was not Kiara’s strong suit. She offered lame “ohs” and “wows” to give the impression that she was truly paying attention. She was just waiting for the ask, there always was one and everything before it was pointless. She finally tuned back in when her sister demanded cash. 

“I gave dad the rest of my savings to bail you and your boyfriend out of jail. And I already sent money for the mortgage and dad’s car. I’m tapped out this month.” 

“Fuck you mean tapped out? You’re living like a fuckin’ big shot in LA with a millionaire for a boyfriend and you can’t slide me money for a lawyer? That’s fuckin’ foul, Raven.” 

Raven clenched her eyes shut. It had already been hard enough to keep up the appearances that she had a thriving career in LA. Adding a fake relationship to the house of lies she existed in did not help matters. Her family had no idea how much she was struggling now and while she knew she could tell them, she did not want to deal with their reactions, which she knew would likely be to blame her. She felt enough guilt and blame for her situation as it was. 

“I can’t just make money I don’t have materialize, Kiara.” She lowered her voice though she knew there was no way Michael was not listening. “You know just because I let you and dad treat me like an ATM, doesn’t mean I do that to other people. I don’t have the money right now but I can pay the bar in installments when I come into more in a couple weeks and just pay off the damages for you.” 

“No, we aren’t payin’ the fuckin’ bar cause we didn’t do shit. And wow… God. You’re so fuckin’ selfish, running off to LA and abandoning us here to make all that money with your fancy degrees and shit.” 

“Did I run off and abandon you or did you make it impossible to stay?” Raven asked, her exhaustion at constantly being the villain of her family’s story getting the better of her. 

“Poor Raven. Always the fuckin’ victim as if everything that’s wrong in this family isn’t your fault. And to pull that card today of all days when you know it’s the anniversary of mom’s death. If it weren’t for you…” Kiara started to say before Raven cut her off, tears welling up in her eyes as she already could hear her sister and father’s voice finishing that sentence. 

“I’ll figure it out and send the money, ok?” She called out, cutting her sister’s words off completely. “I’m getting an advance from my next book in a couple weeks. Find a couple lawyers, meet with them and get their rates and I’ll pay for it. No one crazy expensive, Ki.” 

She knew lying was wrong but she did not have any other option. She couldn’t tell her family where the money would be really coming from. Michael had a whole list of things for her for the next two weeks before he went on his press tour, which meant she would easily make enough to pay her sister’s legal fees and pass it off as an advance. 

“This is me and Jay’s lives, Raven. It’s not like you don’t have the money or access to itto pay for the best.” 

Raven focused her eyes on the ceiling of the car, a sorry attempt to stop tears of guilt and frustration from falling. She felt a tidal wave of shame hit her knowing Michael was seeing her like this. “Whatever you need. But once my advance money is gone, I’m tapped out for a while. Seriously, Kiara.” 

“Yea yea yea. I gotta go. I’ll call you in two weeks about the lawyer. Bye.”

Raven clenched her phone in her hand with a fist, her entire body turning away from Michael as a small frustrated sob escaped her that she couldn’t quite keep in. She tossed her phone down on the seat and wiped her eyes. 

She had hoped to make it through today, the annual reminder of the worst day of her life, without thinking too much about it. But there her sister was, picking at the threads of her composure, forcing her to unravel. 

The worst part of all of it was she could not even be mad at her sister or her father and how they treated her. She deserved it and she knew it. She had ruined their lives and this was her atonement. So she endured it, every slight, every barb, every wound because she - perhaps foolishly - hoped that if she kept reaching out her hand and kept giving, one day they would reach back and not expect something in it. They would forgive her and she would have a real family again. 

It did not matter how they spoke to her or treated her, she just repeated the same mantra over and over and over again.  

Keep reaching out your hand, she reminded herself as she took a few deep breaths. 

“You good? We can drive around for a bit longer if you need a minute.” 

“Yea, yea.” She sniffled and cleared her throat. “Just stupid family shit. One day we’ll have a date without me crying o-or having a panic attack,” she let out a watery laugh as she forced a smile onto her lips. 

The smile was wide, and Michael knew, to a stranger, it would likely seem authentic and bright. It would certainly be enough to fool everyone at dinner tonight. But he could see its inauthenticity in her eyes, that’s where all of her emotions shown through. And her eyes? They were void of even the minuscule amounts of light and joy he typically saw and that were present moments before that phone rang. Now, she just looked torn down. And this version of her did not have enough energy to do more than put on that facade and pray no one looked too closely. But when it came to Raven, Michael always looked too closely… and he knew that was the problem. 

Michael slumped back in his seat for a few moments, the wheels turning in his mind as he studied her. He knew he could continue with their plan for the night, that she would play her part and play it well. However, he could not, in good faith, allow that. All their dates thus far had been about him. She deserved for the one day to celebrate her to be all about her. He pulled out his phone and went to Google. After a few minutes of searching, he closed that and opened his call log. 

“Hey Coog.” His voice filled the car, Raven glancing over to him as she continued trying to reign in her emotions so she could play her part.  “My bad, man but we ain’t gon’ make it tonight. Send my apologies to the rest of the team and your wife.”

Raven’s head whipped to the side as she listened to his words. She could hear the faint accent of Ryan Coogler asking if everything was ok. She immediately turned to him and threw an expression at Michael before mouthing, “What are you doing??” 

Michael merely winked at her before answering Ryan. “Yea yea. Just somethin’ came up I gotta take care of.” Michael chuckled. “Aight, ‘preciate you, brah. I’ll make it up to you. Talk to you later.” 

As soon as he hung up the phone, Raven immediately spoke up. “What was that? Why aren’t we going to dinner?” 

Michael ignored her and directed his next statement to Allen. “New plan, Allen. Just sent you the address.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

He continued to avoid her confused and wide eyes. He could not sit at a dinner party, regardless of how fun it was going to be to see the entire cast, knowing Raven was in pain. And even if he did not know or understand the extent of it, he could empathize and recognize she needed a night of someone caring for her, not the other way around. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.” 

When Allen finally stopped, Michael helped Raven out and handed one of the cards out of his wallet to Allen, whispering something in his ear that Raven could not hear. With that, Allen sped off, leaving the two behind. Michael placed his hand on the small of Raven’s back and directed her down the block. 

“What about your dinner party?” 

“That nigga hosts a dinner party for everythin’. My role in the movie ain’t that big. Just settin’ up future shit so they won’t miss me. He’ll host another after the premiere next month and at the end of the award season if it gets nominated. Trust me, we ain’t missing shit.” 

“But you’re paying me to go to work events with you?” Raven hated that once again, he felt the need to cater to her and her emotions. “I don’t need to be coddled. O-or for you to rearrange shit to celebrate a day I don’t even want to celebrate. You’re paying me to do a job, let me do it.” 

“Yea and now I’m paying you to have a relaxin’ evening with me. This’ll be more fun anyway. We can still pretend it ain’t your birthday if you want.” 

“Relaxing… at a rage room?” She glanced up and gestured toward the sign outside of the building they were standing in front of. It was quiet, no one but a front desk attendant gawking at them. But she was not surprised it was quiet for a Wednesday night. 

“You tellin’ me you don’t have some rage you wanna exercise a bit, ma?”

She chewed on her lip, she had more than enough rage to get out, but she needed to fix that on her own time, not his. “I do… we all do, I’m sure but… then you shouldn’t pay me for the night. This isn’t work. You’re just doing this to make me feel better and I’m good. We really should go to that party. You can’t just blow off work obligations because your fake girlfriend’s having a bad day.”

Michael closed the distance between them and used his fingers to pry her lip out from between her teeth. He wanted to smile at how she rolled her eyes and pouted a bit, clearly resisting the urge to draw her lip back where it was.  

“You aren’t ‘good.’ I don’t know you that well but I do know that much. Just because this ain’t real doesn’t mean I want to watch you suffer on the one day of the year that’s supposed to be about you. A dinner party isn’t what you need. You need fun, seems like you get little of that shit anyway. So since I’m payin’ for your time, I’m tellin’ you not to worry about my shit. And I’m tellin’ you that your only job today is to have fun. And I don’t like having my money wasted, baby girl.” His voice dropped to his commanding tone, a tone that let her know he’d pull out the flogger again if she did waste his time. 

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Fine. But this really isn’t necessary.” 

“It’s my money. Let me decide what’s necessary and what’s not. Now come on.” He pulled her in the door, using his award winning smile to get them into the largest room that was clearly meant for more than two people. 

The attendant got them set up in their protective gear and closed the door behind them, locking them in the room for an hour. 

“So what do we do?” Raven muttered as she glanced around, quietly giggling at their absurd bee-keeper style gear. The room was filled with breakable items, bats and golf clubs and other makeshift weapons. There were holes in the walls and punching bags and dummies and stacks of plates. 

He picked up a vase and chucked it at the wall, the glass shattering against the wall. Then he picked up another one and handed it to her. 

His hand pressed into her chest, right above her heart. “Every negative thing you feel in here? Destroy everythin’ in this room til it doesn’t feel like you’re drownin’ in it.” 

She grabbed the vase from his hand and held it for a moment before she threw it as hard as she could at the same spot on the wall. Lacking his strength, it did not make it to the wall but she did enjoy the rush of adrenaline and satisfying crash it made as it shattered to the ground.  She did not even need further prompting as she picked up the discarded baseball bat near her and started using it to break everything she could see that was breakable. 

Michael spent most of the hour cheering her on as she released every bit of pent up frustration and anger and pain and shame she felt. She was so tightly wound all of the time, never letting any of it show so she could never let any of it go. But this was a cathartic release that she did not even know she needed. She knew she would feel it all again tomorrow but every crash, every piece of glass shattered, every dent she made into the walls of that room felt like a small bit of everything she kept in started to vanish piece by piece.

By the time the buzzer rang, signaling the end of their session, she was exhausted, her arms tired but she had never felt lighter. 

“That was…” she breathed heavily as they walked out toward Michael’s SUV. “Amazing. I didn’t know I needed that. Thank you.” 

“See? You gotta trust me more, baby girl. I know more than just what your body needs.” He winked at her as he closed the door behind him. “And now, we have one more stop.” 

They spent the entire drive recapping their favorite things to break in the rage room, which “weapons” caused the most damage. 

“Remind me never to piss you off,” Michael joked as Allen pulled off onto an overlook. 

“What do you mean??” 

“You were downright terrifyin’ with that damn bat. Can’t have you goin’ all Jazmine Sullivan or Carrie Underwood on my car.” 

“Whatchu know about Before He Cheats?” 

He let out a barking laugh. “Enough to know niggas go up for that song, me included.” He admitted. “But if you try to sell that to a gossip site, I’ll deny it.” 

“Wow, learning something new about you every day. And please, I’m sure there are more effective ways to hurt you if you pissed me off,” she teased. “You’d have a new car before I even finished taking a bat to the old one.”

“You might be right about that.”

“Where are we?” She asked as Michael helped her out of the car and she followed him around to the back of the SUV. He opened the trunk and laid out a picnic blanket and soft pillows that Allen had purchased while they were raging and jogged up to the front to grab the box of Prince St. Pizza that had made Raven’s stomach growl the entire ride and a bottle of white wine. 

“Overlook by the Hollywood sign. Perfect view of the city with my favorite white wine and favorite pizza.”

Raven smiled as he helped her climb into the back of the SUV, both of them leaning on the back as they looked out over the city. The silence was comforting, both of them eating their way through the giant pepperoni pizza and several glasses of wine. When they finished one bottle, Allen just produced another from the front seat and handed it back to them. 

“Thank you… for tonight,” Raven smiled as he poured her another glass of wine. “I… did really need this. And you didn’t have to.” 

“Don’t mention it. Seemed like you needed this more than I needed a dinner party.” He paused. “So your sister… did she even say happy birthday to you?” 

Raven let out a cold laugh as she took a long sip from her glass. “Nope. But I didn’t expect her to. Told you,” she whispered as her fingers played with the strings on the edge of their blanket. “Just another day. 

“So that’s why you don’t celebrate your birthday? Your mom?” At her startled expression, he shrugged apologetically. “I didn’t hear everythin’ but your sister was talkin’ loud as fuck toward the end. When’d she die?”

Raven sighed. “She died in labor. Had some condition, doctors told her no more kids… she got pregnant by accident. My dad wanted her to have an abortion, she refused. She gave birth and died a couple hours later.”  

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, his hand rubbing her thigh. He had tuned out most of their conversation, not wanting to eavesdrop. But the moment he heard frustration and pain in Raven’s voice, he could no longer block it out. He heard every word her sister hurled at her and he hated that they treated her so callously. “And they blame you?” 

She wiped her tears for a moment before muttering. “I blame me.” 

“You were a baby, didn’t ask to be born. How is her choice your fault?” Michael reasoned, hating that she blamed herself for something so out of her control. But he also knew grief was not the most logical of emotions, particularly grief as deep seeded as this.

“My dad could barely look at me as a kid, wanted nothing to do with me beyond keeping me clothed and fed. The only person who didn’t blame me was my grandma, she basically raised me until she passed when I was in middle school. And I get it,” her voice broke slightly with her grief. “If it weren’t for me, my dad would still have his wife and my sister would have a mom. So yea… I was born and she died for that… not much worth celebrating in my book… or anyone’s really.” Her voice trailed off to a soft whisper before she shook her head and rolled her shoulders back as if she could shake out the negative emotions. “But you didn’t bring me to this gorgeous spot to trade childhood trauma. Thank you for helping me take my mind off all that for a bit.” He could tell by her tone that she did not want to discuss it anymore. “I don’t know why you’re so nice to me,” she mumbled as she took another bite of pizza. 

He wrinkled his nose. “Am I not supposed to be?”

“No, no. I just… still waiting for you to be what I’d thought you’d be, I guess. What Tasha warned me you’d be.” 

“And what was that?” 

“An asshole,” she answered bluntly, Michael chuckling as he bowed his head. 

“I am… an asshole,” he admitted. “I’ll never deny that. Couple bad decisions after a bad break up and Hollywood bad boy became the image so I leaned into it. Self-centered, arrogant, cold… Aside from my family, that’s the version of me people see.” 

“But that’s not you.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “How you know? We just met a month ago.” 

She examined him with a soft smile before sitting up a bit straighter. “Because a self centered, arrogant asshole doesn’t do half the things you’ve done for me. You don’t treat me like a body or a business transaction. You treat me like… a friend? Even when you have no reason to. You may be a jerk but hell, plenty of niggas are jerks. You may even be a little selfish, not shocking when the world caters to you. But I think the real you is kind and thoughtful. I don’t know why you don’t want to show the world the side of you I see.” 

“Cause that nigga gets taken advantage of, gets heartbroken.” 

She nodded, she knew more than a thing or two about being taken advantage of. 

“Who was it then?” 

“Hm?” 

“The girl that broke your heart and created this version of you?” 

He let out a humorless chuckle and placed his hand on her knee. “One day, I’ll tell you.” He paused, glancing at her. “I treat you like a friend because I think we are… friends?”

He wanted to be so much more than friends. Every date, every moment with her he realized that more and more. However, if friends was as intimate as their relationship could ever truly be, he would settle for it. Anything, just to have her nearby. 

The small smile on her face turned brighter. “I think we’re friends too.” 

With the declaration of their friendship, both of them laid back against the pillows on their backs so they could stare out of the sunroof at the midnight sky. The sky was so perfectly clear, she could see endless stretches of stars. 

“What made you decide to be a writer?” Michael asked as they laid there. 

“I used to dream of being anywhere but where I was,” she admitted. “Still do most of the time. And when I was a kid, books, particularly fantasy books, were just the one place I could always escape to. Other worlds and lives so vivid so I could leave this one behind for a short while. And they always gave me hope that things could get better, maybe. I wouldn’t get saved by a dazzling prince or whatever. But they made me think things could turn around somehow. But when I was young, so few books had characters who looked like me or were written by women who looked like me.” 

“‘If there’s a book you wanna read, but it hasn’t been written, then you have to write it,’” he quoted the quote she had above her desk in her room. 

“Exactly.” 

“Why’d you stop after one book?” 

She clenched her eyes shut. “Didn’t have much of a choice. A… misunderstanding,” she muttered the word bitterly, “with my editor at my publishing house… and they dropped me, wasn’t able to find another. So I got the job at the library to tide me over till I figured shit out.  That was… about a year and a half ago? Haven’t been able to write much since.”

“A misunderstanding?” He repeated, glancing over at her, his question clear even though he did not explicitly ask it. However, when he felt her body shift uncomfortably next to him, he quickly backtracked. She had already rehashed so much that she did not need to tonight, there was no need to unearth anything else. She kept giving him more puzzle pieces but the picture remained a mystery. However, he could tell that it was one that held as much darkness as it did beauty. 

His hand grasped hers and squeezed. “You ain’t gotta tell me. Add it to the one day list?” 

Her eyes were still closed but he felt her squeeze back. “Thanks.” 

Silence fell over them as they laid there. Michael rarely just laid and did nothing like this. It was contemplative and nice, to simply exist beside her. He spent so much time being on, playing a part or an image. But he liked that he did not have to do that with Raven when they were alone. She let him be Bakari… the version of him that was only safe with his family and closest friends. 

“Tonight… I needed it too,” he offered, ending the silent reprieve. “So thank you for indulgin’ me.”

Raven turned and propped her head up on her hand, turning her body to face his profile. He looked different bathed in the moonlight. He was gorgeous, anyone with eyes could see that. But he seemed more youthful to her, his features more relaxed than they typically were when they were on dates. His jaw was relaxed, his lips settled into a smile that was effortless… not his movie star smile, which she had seen enough times to recognize the nuances that signaled its inauthenticity. This one though, his real smile,… it made him heartbreakingly gorgeous.  

“Thank you for caring about me a-and for today. Haven’t had anyone do that in a long time,” she admitted before settling back on her pillows.

He knew she had that void in her life but hearing her admit it out loud broke his heart in places he was not expecting.

“What about right now?” 

“What about right now?” She asked, her tone filled with confusion. 

“Do you wish you were anywhere else but here right now?” He asked.

She tilted her head to glance at him, finding his eyes trained on her and not on the sky above. She let out a deep breath as she studied him. 

“No, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

He smiled. “Good.”  

They turned back toward the sunroof, content smiles on both of their faces. They did not talk much beyond that, both of them enjoying the silence and each other’s company. 

She did not even know how much time had passed when something finally broke that precious silence, the buzzing of Michael’s phone. Instinctively, she glanced over and caught a glimpse of his bright screen. Tasha’s name scrolled across, Michael sighing a bit as he sent the call to voicemail. 

Suddenly, Raven felt overwhelmed with discomfort. He was still seeing Tasha… why did that upset her so much? He had never promised not to, at least not to her. So she knew she had no reason to be mad. But she could stop the claws of jealousy from sinking their talons into her heart and soul. And when that subsided, all she felt was inadequacy. Another moment where she was not enough for someone. 

She cleared her throat. “It’s… um kinda late?” she glanced down at her watch before sitting up and sliding out of the back of the car. “L-Looks like you’ve got plans?” She tried to hide the bitterness in her voice but she knew she failed, knew Michael could see all of it.  

Michael shook his head. “Nah, it’s not wh-” 

Raven cut him off. “I have an early shift tomorrow… would hate to oversleep. Mind taking me home?” She did not know why she lied, her shift was not until noon. However, she knew it was an excuse he could not argue with. 

Raven started to walk around to the car door when she felt Michael’s grip around her arm, halting her movements. Michael hated that she saw that. Similar to her, but for entirely different reasons, he had been dodging Tasha’s calls like they were the plague. Usually he reached out to her to set up dates but when two weeks passed with radio silence from her best and most frequent customer, she started calling more often. He met up with her once, an act he regretted the morning after when he woke up. But she had promised discretion, if anyone knew how much of a farce he and Raven’s relationship was, it was Tasha. But he did not even enjoy it in the same way, he felt like he was just going through the motions. So when she reached back out earlier that week to set up another date, he ignored it. And ignored all the subsequent messages. He could not avoid her forever, but he knew he needed to put her on pause until Raven was out of his life and out of his system. While he was drugged up on her, no other fix was as worthy or quite as right. 

But he did not know how to explain that to Raven. He had not promised her exclusivity but it had most certainly been implied. He would not be pleased if he found out another man she had fucked was calling her.

“Tasha and I aren’t…” he started to say but Raven pressed her hand to his chest to stop him. 

“You don’t gotta lie to me. You’re allowed to sleep with other women, Michael. This isn’t real, we’re just friends at the end of the day. All good. I’m really tired though and need to get up early.” 

With that, she gently maneuvered her arm out of his grasp and slid into her seat in the car. She was thankful with every passing mile that took her closer to her apartment and out of his presence. She did not have a right to be upset but she could not change the fact that she was. She enjoyed being his only and she wasn’t, and she was wholly unprepared for how that would make her feel. But that’s what she got, for thinking his feelings for her extended past their business relationship. He was kind but she had signed up to be used and he was getting what he wanted. She had to accept that. 

“Thanks for the ride, Allen,” she said as she opened the door. She fixed her face and offered him a smile that was a bit forced but, despite the end to the night, still was partially genuine. “Thanks for tonight, seriously. I had fun.” His phone buzzed again, causing her to grimace. “And have fun with Tasha. Night, Michael.” She did not let him respond before she let the car door slam shut and she raced inside as fast her legs in her heels could carry her. 

Michael groaned, his head thudding back against the headrest as he looked at his phone screen. 

“I fucked that up, didn’t I?” 

“Wasn’t your shining moment with her, sir.” 

He clenched his hand into a fist before answering the phone. He never wanted to see that look on Raven’s face again and truthfully, he did not care to frequent Tasha anymore. He knew Raven and he had a shelf life that would expire but even when it did, he was not sure he could go back to fucking Tasha like Raven never existed. She had infiltrated every aspect of his being in the last two week and tonight had only made him fall deeper for her, made him want to give her everything she did not have. It was strange to feel this emotion again, to long for someone like he did her. Even if it could not be something long term, he wanted to savor it while he had her. 

But that was not something he was truly ready to admit to himself, let alone to Tasha. So he decided to take the easy road out and blame it on something else: the image and his manager. Tasha would have to respect that, right? And he would spin some lie about seeing her after Raven and he broke up, even though he was not sure if he had the desire for dispassionate, unattached sex in him anymore. 

“Hey Tash,” he muttered coldly into the phone. 

“Hey baby… wanted to see if you wanted to meet up tonight? I miss you,” her voice was sultry and inviting, a voice that, once upon a time, would have had him racing through LA to get to a hotel with her. But today, it did nothing. “And a little birdie told me you were headed to Paris in two weeks for press. Should I pack a bag?” 

Michael rolled his eyes. That was his own fault. He flew her out once last year to Cannes Film Festival and now she thought she was invited on every trip. There was only one person he wanted to take on this trip with him and after tonight, he was not even sure she’d say yes. 

“Yea… listen Tash. You know how I feel about you. But I can’t see you anymore… just for a few months.” 

“What?? Why?” 

He rolled his eyes, she knew why. “Well, you know… I got this relationship with Raven that is really important for my career and I can’t be seen with other women. We’re gonna have an amicable split in a few months and then I’m all yours again. But until then, we gotta keep our distance.” 

He could hear the frustration and bitterness in her voice, though she tried and failed to hide it. “You’re my best customer, Michael. You can’t just… drop me outta nowhere.” 

“It’s just temporary. Just a couple months. And I’ll send you some money to tide you over till you get a new client. Also means no Paris. Sorry, I just really gotta focus on cleaning up the image over the next few months. You understand, don’t you? You know you’ll always be my favorite girl.”

There was a long pause that made Michael check to ensure the call had not been disconnected. 

“Yea I understand. Just a few months though, right? Then you’re droppin’ the new girl?” 

Michael rolled his eyes before nodding, though she could not see him. “Of course, baby. Just a couple months and then she’s gone. Promise.” 

They shared a few pleasantries before Michael hung up and prayed she did not call him again for a while. His fingers itched to text or call Raven and explain. But something stopped him, the part of him that still adamantly rejected his feelings toward her roaring. He did not owe her an explanation, he did not owe her anything but the money he paid for her dates. She did not ask for an explanation either so why would he volunteer one? Those two parts of him battled until he threw his phone to the side in frustration. 

He sighed and took a deep breath as Allen pulled up in front of his family home in the hills, his oasis, Raven’s perfume still lingering in the car… that hint of lavender danced on his nose. He fell asleep with that phantom smell haunting him, Raven finding ways to pop up in every dream he had that night, leaving him no escape from her or his feelings for her. 

***

“Here you go.” Michael handed her an envelope filled with cash. “I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.” 

Raven nodded and stored it in her overnight bag before grabbing her clutch. They were finally alone after being poked and prodded all afternoon by his stylist and glam teams to get ready for the premiere. They had ten minutes before the car would be there to take them. And then Michael would be jetting off at an ungodly hour to New York and then Paris for press. Raven was actually a bit sad to see him go. 

Though they never discussed the Tasha debacle from her birthday two weeks prior, she and Michael were slowly but surely getting closer and closer each day. They had had an event or something to go to almost every night, Raven was shocked at the amount of money she had been able to make in such a short window of time. Even helping her sister with her lawyer, she felt as if she could actually breathe easy for the first time in a while. And on the nights they were not together, they generally texted or talked on the phone at some point. They hadn’t had sex again, Raven finding any and all excuses to avoid that since he was still seeing Tasha. He never pushed or seemed angry, albeit a bit disappointed when every date ended with her asking Allen to take her home. It was petty she knew it but she did not care. She had no interest in competing with Tasha, she knew who would win every time. 

“Thanks.” 

“You sure you’re gonna be good while I’m gone?” 

Raven glanced at him and rolled her eyes as she threw her lipstick in her clutch. She did not quite understand how the small bag was even functional, it did not even fit her ID. But Michael’s stylist said it fit the look so she did not question it. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mr. Jordan. I’ll be just fine without you for a few weeks.” 

Michael came up behind her and laughed. “You ain’t gotta pretend like you ain’t gon’ miss me, baby girl. I mean… you know, financially. I’m in New York for a week then Paris for a week. That’s a while without dates. I can slide you some extra if you need it.” 

Raven bristled at the idea, she did not want him to view her as a charity case. 

“No,” she responded shortly, immediately regretting the sharp edge in her tone as his face fell. “S-Sorry. No, thank you but I’m good.” 

“Even after your sister’s legal shit or whatever?” 

She let out a small huff. “Yea… she managed to pick the most expensive lawyer below the damn Mason Dixon line but I got it covered, I think. And with this,” she gestured toward her bag. “I’m good on the other stuff too. Seriously, you shouldn’t worry yourself about my finances. I always figure it out.”  

He grabbed her wrist to stop her from walking away from him.

“It ain't charity or worry. Don’t want you stressin’ and shit while I’m gone. And I like to know my friends and everyone on my team are good. You’re both… why would I treat you any differently?” 

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me. Or fix my problems.”

“You’re here fixin’ my problems. I can’t  return the favor?”

“Because… that’s not what we agreed to. This is a job, you pay me… we go out. That’s it. My family shit has no part in this and isn’t your concern. I’ll deal with them.” 

“Why do you?” At her raised eyebrow, he added, “Deal with that?” 

“You don’t give up on your family. You reach out your hand even when they swat it away. And one day, they’ll see all I’ve done for them and how much I love them and they’ll come around.” 

“Seems to me that you let them bleed you dry as if it’ll pay whatever debt you think you owe them. And they seem content with lettin’ you bleed out in the street.” 

She chuckled mirthlessly. “They’re all I got… so I don’t have much of a choice. It’ll pay off. All of it,” she forced more conviction in her voice. “One day.” 

“You really believe that?” 

She turned to look at him. He could tell there was genuine hope in her eyes, true belief that things would get better. A dreamer, indeed. 

“Yea… I have to.” 

“I dunno... There’s gotta be better out there for you… you certainly deserve better.” There was a not-so-small part of him, a part that grew with every moment he spent with her, that desperately wanted to be that more for her. 

“This world is filled with people who deserve better, Michael. But we’re stuck with the hand we’re dealt until better comes along. And I don’t see any better hands coming my way. Just a long game of this shitty hand,” she whispered the last part under her breath as she checked herself in the mirror once more. She grabbed her clutch and started toward the door. “You ready? Car should be here, right?” 

He hated how resigned she was to her fate and treatment. He had more than enough money to give his family and friends, more than enough for them to take advantage of if they chose and none of them did. Raven had none of that and still gave her last to people that clearly did not appreciate it. And to know, she had every intention of doing it under some misguided belief they would thank her for it later broke his heart. It reminded him of how pure and kind-hearted she was but he knew her efforts would likely be wasted. But he would have loved to be proven wrong. 

He did not know her family so he knew it was wrong to judge them but all he felt was red hot anger. Quite frankly, the only benefit he saw to the reality that this arrangement was fake was that he would not have to meet her family himself. He did not know if he could even sit in the same room with them. 

“Before we go… got somethin’ for you.”

Raven raised an eyebrow, “I don’t need a gift. It’s your special night.” 

“Yea but wanted to give you somethin’ to remember me by. It benefits both of us, don’t worry.” His face was a sly smirk that told her the gift was not a normal one. “But first, Tasha and I aren’t hookin’ up anymore.” 

“Michael… you don’t have to…” 

He shook his head and interrupted her. “Nope. You didn’t let me finish that night and you’ve been weird about it ever since. So now, I’m talkin’ and you’re gonna listen. It’s ok to be annoyed. We should be exclusive. I called her and put that shit on pause until our arrangement is done. We’ve only hooked up once since we started dating and it was early on. But either way, you don’t gotta worry about her callin’ or me seein’ her while I’m with you. I got my hands full with you anyway,” he winked at her. 

Raven tried to limit the smile that wanted to blossom at his words. She was happy to hear she was not “competing” with Tasha as she thought. It was a narrative her own insecurities and anxieties created and fueled, a narrative that now seemed foolish. She still did not know why it mattered so much to her. Or rather, she knew, but she would never admit it out loud. 

“So we’re good?” 

“Y-Yea we’re good. Wasn’t worried,” she lied, trying to make her voice sound aloof and unbothered. She did not know why she bothered, she supposed she did not want her pride to be anymore damaged than it already was. 

Michael merely pursed his lips and chuckled before nodding toward the bed. “So you ready to be my slut again or am I still on pause?” 

Raven smiled. “I’m all yours.” 

“Good. Lay down for me, panties to the side.” 

Raven laid back on the bed, hiking up her dress to her waist so she could part her legs. She pulled her thong to the side, Michael licking his lips as he took in the mess between her thighs. 

“Already so wet for me. You missed me too, huh? This is gonna be fun,” he muttered to himself as he pulled a gold vibrator out of his pocket before sitting on the bed beside her, careful not to ruffle his perfectly-tailored tuxedo. 

He wasted no time sliding the vibrator inside her, Raven moaning lightly at the intrusion, the way his finger brushed against her clit. She wanted more, desperately. Her hips rolled to find his touch, his hand, her body begging for more action. But he denied her. His other hand fiddled with something small that looked like a remote control. 

“Know what this is?” 

“No, sir.” 

“It’s the controller. Tonight, you’re gonna keep that in you and I’m gonna have a little fun with this.” 

Raven let out a shaky breath. “Y-You expect me to keep this in… while we’re at a movie premiere? No way.” 

He nodded, a mischievous grin in his eye. “I recall you wanting to explore some fantasies. You tellin’ me sex in public ain’t one you’ve had?” 

She bit her lip as she contemplated it. The idea was certainly an intriguing one… but the risks?? 

“When would you use that?” 

“Whenever I want. That’s the fun part… for me anyway. And you’re gonna spend the night making sure that sexy ass face when you cum isn’t plastered across TMZ tomorrow.” 

Raven shook her head. “I dunno, Michael. I’m all for risk but this seems insane.” 

He let out an exaggerated sigh, his voice playful and teasing. “I thought you’d be up for it, thought you wanted to have fun but I understand if you’re too scared.” 

She heard the challenge in his voice. He was testing her, trying to see if she was really up for anything. She could not deny that the idea was intriguing. Having her orgasms at his mercy in public? Per usual with him, she knew she could say no. But as she ran over the risks, all she could think of was the thrill of it. She wanted it. She hated that she wanted it and hated that he knew she wanted it. But she did. 

She sat up and swung her legs off the bed. She clenched her muscles to ensure the new addition to her ensemble stayed tucked where it needed to be and she shimmied the delicate fabric of her gown back down to its proper place. 

“Car’s waiting,” she offered with a smirk as she grabbed her purse and walked out of his bedroom, deciding then and there that she would win whatever game he was playing tonight, and would show him that she was indeed up for any and everything. 

Michael watched her ass sway as she exited and smiled. 

“Gonna have a lot of fun with this.” 

***

Raven was so overwhelmed by the screaming fans and reporters and flashing lights that she almost forgot about the “gift” nestled in her core. She kept her smile bright as she and Michael started down the red carpet, his arm tightly wrapped around her waist. 

He looked down at her like the perfect image of a doting boyfriend, with love and protection in his eyes. He played the role so well, Raven almost caught herself falling for the act. But she supposed that was a good thing because it made her glances back at him more genuine. She knew they looked like the picture perfect couple, every gossip site raved about them after every date. She knew tonight would be no different. 

She was so focused on keeping her smile intact and her eyes from blinking too much as they stood on the red carpet that she failed to notice Michael slip his hand into his pocket. Her smile faltered for just a second as she felt the device come alive, sending shock waves directly against her g-spot. It was a steady soft buzz, just enough to make her feel it, causing the heat to rise throughout her body. But it was not enough to overwhelm her.  

Once she got over the initial surprise of the vibration, she was able to recompose herself with ease. She played off the change in her expression by adjusting something on her dress and continued posing with him.

Minutes passed and the vibration continued at its low pace, Raven enjoying the small jolts of pleasure. This was what she was supposed to be worried about? This was a piece of cake.

She leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek before turning her head from the cameras and whispering in his ear, “This is easier than I thought it’d be.”

Michael let out a deep laugh as if she had told a funny joke and pecked her sweetly on the nose, continuing their slow march down the carpet. 

Raven genuinely felt like she could deal with that all night as she listened to Michael give an interview. She remained tucked at his side with a smile on her face. The interviewer did not really ask her any questions, thank God. So she just smiled and concentrated on keeping her thighs together. 

“So Raven, I have to say, you look gorgeous. Who are you wearing?” 

“Th-” her words were cut short as the vibration pattern changed, this time a long vibration that steady increased before pulsing against her g-spot and starting over again. She coughed awkwardly, pretending as if she had swallowed wrong before saying. “T-thanks. V-versace.” 

Her answer was clipped and short, afraid her words would betray her if she opened her mouth. This was far different, this was ecstasy. Each vibration felt like the slowest, most tantalizing march up a mountain before someone pushed her back toward the bottom to do it all over again. And that pulse at the top? It sent a shockwave through her that made her see stars. Each time, she felt her fingers grip the fabric of Michael’s tuxedo jacket harder. The longer it droned on, the more her legs started to shake. 

“You ok, baby?” he asked sweetly, kissing her on the cheek innocently. 

“Y-Yea, of course.” 

“You two are so cute. Thanks for chatting with me and I can’t wait to see the film.” 

Michael said his goodbyes to the interviewer before guiding Raven away. 

“What’s harder?” he whispered in her ear as they walked inside the venue. He stopped her in the corner of the giant atrium before they walked into the screening room and tucked her against a wall in a corner. Only official photographers were allowed at this point. To anyone passing by, they just looked like a couple having a sweet moment.

“W-what?” She found even such a simple word laborious to get out and it sounded more like a moan than a word. With him mostly covering her body from view, she could not stop the way her hips rolled as the setting changed again. The pattern was the same but the cycle was faster, the intensity overwhelming as he  increased it to the next setting. 

“What’s harder?” he leaned in and whispered in her ear so lowly she almost could not hear her. “Keepin’ that pretty smile on your face when all you wanna do is close your eyes and bite your lip while you cum? Hidin’ your moans so no one here knows you’re a loud filthy slut? Or stoppin’ yourself from beggin’ me to fuck you in the bathroom over there?” 

She felt as if her entire body was in a frenzy. It was not just the vibrator, it was his hands gently pressing her to the wall innocently, it was the courses of people walking by them having no clue that she was on the cusp of the greatest pleasure of her life, it was that she could not stop it or him if he decided he wanted her to cum right then and there in front of everyone. 

“A-all… of it,” she whispered, her face burying itself in the nook of his neck, which helped hide the pleasure swimming in her eyes but only increased it as she took in his scent. His signature cologne had become intoxicating to her. 

“You wanna cum for daddy, baby?” His words were a light whisper that they knew could not be heard over the conversations and music playing throughout the hallway. 

It was taking everything in her not to collapse in front of him, his arm around her waist was the only thing keeping her standing. Her legs were pure jello, every inch of her body was on fire, boiling with pleasure and humiliation at being brought to orgasm at the nicest event she’d ever been to in her life. All she wanted to do was cum but she did not trust herself to hide it. 

“P-Please…” she whispered. She did not know if that please was to stop or to keep going. 

Michael smirked as he felt her hips buck against his again. She was so close, he could see it in her eyes, feel it in the way her hips ground against nothing but air. It was subtle, not obvious to anyone else from the angle they stood at but he could feel it. 

“Beg.” He demanded. 

She clenched her eyes closed. All she wanted was to fall over this particular edge, right then and right now. She was so close, so close, it was almost agonizing to hold it in until he gave her permission. She glanced down as his finger hovered over the button to increase the setting again, knowing that she could not will him to hit that button. She would have to give him exactly what he wanted, what he always wanted. Submission. 

“P-Please… m-make me cum,” she muttered in his ear. “I-I need… it… p-please.” Tears stung in her eyes as she struggled to fight the urge to let go right then and there, hearing her own needy voice in the space. 

“Hm.” he offered quietly. “I don’t think you deserve it.” And with that, the vibration stopped completely. 

Raven could not stop the groan that escaped her lips as he stole her orgasm, her body screaming and protesting at her in pain at the sudden loss of pleasure. 

She let out a soft gasp as she glanced up at him. “You mother-” 

He leaned forward and kissed her deeply, completely silencing her. Raven’s entire body fell into his as they kissed, she could hear the soft snapping of a camera nearby on her right side. 

He offered her the sweetest smile before leaning to her left so the camera could not catch what he was saying.

“If you wanna cum at all tonight, I wouldn’t finish that sentence.” He straightened up and pressed his lips to her forehead, his arm still around her waist. His voice returned to a normal volume as he fixed her hair and ran his hand over the front of her dress. He looked like he was helping her adjust herself but he also wanted to make sure there was no evidence of their crimes. “It’s time for us to go to our seats. You ready?” 

Raven felt like she had whiplash from the last 5 minutes. He was good, far better than she gave him credit for at these games. She thought this was just going to be a fun experiment. But Michael never did anything small. And she was foolish to underestimate him. 24 hours ago, she would have never thought she would enjoy something like this. But now? She could play this game all night long, even though she was losing miserably. 

She peeled herself off the wall, her own hands running against the bodice of her dress. Her legs still felt a bit wobbly so she wrapped her arm in Michael’s to steady herself. She nodded and allowed him to lead her into the theater. 

She barely paid attention to the movie as she spent the entire two hours watching Michael like a hawk. Every time he shifted in his seat or moved one of his hands, she wondered if he was going to turn the vibrator back on. Halfway through the film, she realized it was not because she was dreading it. She wanted him to. She was internally willing him to turn the stupid thing back on, even if it was only at its lowest setting. Because even at the lowest setting, she knew she was sensitive enough to get where she wanted to be. She wanted to feel the tidal wave of pleasure, she wanted to drown in and bask in it and feel the adrenaline of doing so in public. Besides, the dark theater seemed like the perfect time if he truly wanted to push her completely over the edge. When she wasn’t praying to God that he would turn it on, she was wishing it was his fingers or his dick filling her and not a toy. 

She needed him so bad and truth be told, would have begged him to fuck her right then and there if they weren’t surrounded by hundreds of people. 

However, nothing happened. He paid her no attention throughout the entire film except for the hand that rested on her thigh. The minutes ticked on and on and on as the cast went up on stage to say a few words when the film ended. By the time they finally finished and were in the car to the afterparty, she was a horny, disgruntled mess. 

She kept her eyes trained on the window, even though it was tinted, when she felt Michael slide into the seat next to her. Two could play the ignoring game, she decided. 

His hand slid into the slit of her dress, pushing the expensive material to the side so he could have full access. When she did not part her legs for him immediately, he let out a disgruntled growl that was meant to be a command. She pretended she did not hear him and ignored it. 

He merely shook his head and laughed. “Aight, baby girl.” He pushed her knees apart with his hands, it took everything in her not to moan and keep her face stoic. 

His fingers immediately slid into her panties, the heat of her arousal hiting his skin before he even made contact with her body. He caressed soft circles into her clit. She gave him nothing, no moans, no humping into his hand. Nothing. So he upped the ante and turned the device on to the highest setting it had available. 

“Fuck!” She cried out, unable to keep it in as her body was assaulted with pleasure. The vibrator was more than enough to make her cum but adding his thumb against her clit was just simply unfair in her opinion. 

His free hand grasped her chin, firmly but loose enough that it was not painful and forced her eyes on him. Her breathing was heavy as she felt pleasure building fast in her core. Tears pricked her eyes, not from pain, but overwhelming, soul shattering pleasure, “You wanted me to make you cum in that theater, didn't you? In front of all those people like the filthy whore you are? Didn’t you? Upset that I ignored you? But guess what, baby girl?” he switched the setting to a lower one to keep her on the cusp of pleasure without sending her over. 

She let out a soft sob of agony as he held her there, suspended right at the cusp of her orgasm. This was more tortuous than him stopping cold turkey because she was so close she could taste it. And he kept it just out of reach. Every pulse, every caress of his finger was so much and overwhelming but still was not enough. And there was nothing she could do to force him to give her more. 

“Your body is mine, your pleasure is mine. And I decide when to fuck you, when you cum, when you suck my dick… I decide when you’ve been good… when you’ve been bad and what to do about it. It’s all mine. You can ignore me all you want but see how quickly you fell apart? You can’t win against me, baby girl. Daddy always wins. You understand?” 

She nodded rapidly, her body shaking lightly as she teetered on the edge, pleasure was consuming her every cell. She could barely think of anything but the raging inferno in her core.  “I-I understand. P-Please…” her voice broke. She felt as if she would quite literally perish if she did not come soon. He had never kept her on edge this long, a few seconds sure. But time was stretching into minutes. 

“You think you deserve it?” 

She didn’t deserve it, she knew the answer he wanted. “N-No, no… I’ve b-been bad, a bad girl. I d-deserve to be punished b-but I’m begging you… l-let me cum. I c-can’t… P-please,” her voice begged him for mercy. 

Deciding that she would pass out if he continued this game any farther, he pressed the button to return it to its highest setting. Her scream was nearly inaudible as she came on his fingers, her body shook as she gripped the door handle, shuddering through an intense orgasm. 

“That’s it, cum for me,” he whispered in her ear. “That’s a good girl…” 

“Thank you, t-thank you,” she babbled back to him as he talked her through her orgasm. He turned the vibrator off completely, finally giving her a break. 

“Allen, circle the block a few times.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

At the sound of Allen’s voice, Raven’s eyes flew open and shock and humiliation set in. She had just cum… with another person in the car. And she had completely forgotten he was there. Once Michael had started going, the presence of another human being in their vicinity had completely vanished. She glanced up, surprised to find the limo divider up. She didn't even know when that happened. However, she knew that that barrier was not sound proof. However, instead of being utterly turned off by that idea, it just turned her on more. 

“You like knowing Allen heard you?” Michael whispered in her ear. 

“No,” she shot back as she fixed her dress and used the compact mirror she had stored in the limo before the premiere to fix her makeup. Thankfully she still looked pristine, despite feeling physically depleted. She did not know how she and Michael went round after round when one orgasm made her want to cuddle up under the covers and fall asleep. 

“I keep tellin’ you how much I hate lies. But you never listen. Might think because we have a long night and I got an early mornin’ that you’ll escape punishment. But you won’t. Means I have a couple weeks to think of the perfect punishment for such… insubordination.” 

“Don't threaten me with a good time,” she offered with a sweet smile and a wink that made him laugh. 

He did not get a chance to retort when Allen pulled up at the venue of the after party. He gave Raven a once over before getting out of the limo and grasping her hand. He longed to bury himself inside her but he knew he did not have time, at least not enough time to satisfy the urges he had. And while he would toy with public sex, this was not the venue or event to be caught fucking in the bathroom, as much as he wanted to. 

No, he supposed he would just deal with cold showers for two weeks until he could fuck her again, and spank her until she begged for mercy. Her pleas had done something to him, sweet music to his ears. The perfect orchestra. And he would use every free moment of the next few weeks to think of ways to get that sound again. 

***

Michael rubbed his eyes as he scrolled through his email. He knew he would sleep well on the plane. He hated the first thing in the morning flights but he knew they were the only way to keep up with his crazy press schedule. 

“We’ve arrived, Mr. Jordan,” Allen called from the front seat, Michael immediately hopping out. Allen grabbed his sea of bags as he waved at his castmates who were also just arriving to the tarmac. 

“Thanks, man. See you when I get back. Make sure Rae gets home ok today, aight? Then enjoy your time off.” 

“Thank you, sir,” Allen responded as he handed off his bags to the baggage attendants who would ensure they made it onto the plane. 

Michael started to walk away and head to the flight when he heard his name behind him. 

“Mr. Jordan!” Allen called after him, causing Michael to turn around. The older man jogged up to him. “A word of advice? If I am not overstepping my bounds?” 

Michael nodded, allowing the man to continue. Allen rarely spoke, he was the type who liked to do his job quietly and fade into the background.  And he preferred to keep it professional with Michael though there were a few topics they could shoot the shit over while in the car like basketball and the like. But Michael knew that meant Allen likely knew more about him than anyone else on this planet, which meant he would have been a fool not to hear him out. 

“Avoiding love and companionship, even when it is right there waiting for you to take it, will never bring you happiness. And some would say such an ill-guided venture was foolish and selfish, particularly when the world is filled with people like Ms. Turner who love and seek out love with their whole souls and it's denied to them at every turn. And you may be a bit selfish, Mr. Jordan,” Allen admitted. “But I never pegged you as foolish.” 

“What’re you sayin’?” 

“I’m saying that it does not matter how this whole thing between the two of you started. It only matters how you end it. And whether you are brave enough to admit to her and yourself that perhaps you don’t want it to end at all.” Allen patted him on the arm before taking a step back. “There’s no reward for loneliness, Mr. Jordan… no Oscar to win for denying yourself more when you know you want it. The only prize those actions will give you is a lifetime of regret. And I believe you’re living a life too bright to have it dimmed by regrets.” he paused. “I hope I have not overstepped too much. But… well, there was a time a decade or two ago when I would’ve liked someone to overstep and tell me that.” 

Michael stared at him for a few moments before he nodded. After his last very public and embarrassing breakup, he vowed never to fall in love again. Years of women warming his bed before he kicked them out before sunrise. He got what he wanted and gave nothing of himself… to any of them. But Raven… from the moment he watched her staring out that window, he gave without even realizing how much he had given. And now, he felt things for her that he had not felt for a woman in so long. Hell, he wondered if he had ever felt this strongly for another person in his entire life. He wanted more… not a contract or a business dealing. He wanted her. Was he being utterly foolish by pretending that was not the case? 

 “You did… overstep.” His tone was a bit cold but he was unsurprised at how Allen did not backtrack or shrink. He said his piece, called him out and was willing to accept whatever the consequences of that were. “But maybe I need more people to do that. Will you do me a couple favors when you go back to the penthouse to pick up Raven?” 

“Anything, sir.” 

***

Raven groaned as she turned over in Michael’s soft bed. She had fallen asleep in his master bedroom alone, as she always did when they slept here. He always took the guest room. She wondered if she should be more sad that they slept separately but she agreed that that was not intimacy either one of them truly needed. She groped around the bed for her phone, groaning when she realized it was already 11 a.m. Thankfully, she had another two hours before her shift but she knew she needed to hurry up so she could get home and change into her real clothes, not the fancy designer ones she kept there. 

She pulled herself out of bed and stretched, part of her sad that Michael opted to go to sleep instead of fucking her. She understood he had an early day but she could not deny that all she wanted was for him to bend her into a pretzel after that orgasm in the car. But last night was, for the most part, strictly work. They did not get home and go to bed until 3 am and he had to get up shortly thereafter to catch his flight. And now she was left with nothing but a vibrator and fantasies of him to occupy her until he returned. But he had succeeded in giving her something to remember him by. She walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, rubbing her eyes as she dragged her feet across the hardwood floors.

Michael gave her free reign of his penthouse, even when he was not there. She did not spend the night there often but she had started to learn her way around, figure out where the sparse things he kept there were. A few dishes, a couple glasses, a fridge filled with coconut water and little food. When she slept there, so did he. But she had never really stopped to wonder where he spent the rest of his time. She guessed he had some giant mansion in the hills like every other star. But she wondered if that one was just as cold as this one, just as void of comfort and love, just as sterile. 

She guessed it was not. Otherwise, he would have her come there. No, that one was the sanctuary for the real him, she imagined it was warm and overflowing with his favorite things. Japanese anime artifacts and art and memorabilia and his awards and family photos and all the things that meant something to him. And this one was merely for his image, sterile and artificial. 

She blinked a couple of times, shocked to find a neat and perfectly packaged gift bag waiting on the counter with a long envelope sitting up against it. 

She sucked her teeth and chuckled, “This nigga. I thought I said no gifts,” she muttered to herself as she grabbed a glass of water and sat at the barstool. Part of her contemplated not opening it. What had he even given her a gift for? Her birthday was weeks ago. But her desire to know what he got her won out. 

She went to the envelope first, her name written in handwriting far too nice to be Michael’s on the front. She flipped it over and smiled as the person had written on the back: Open me last :) 

“On the other side of the damn country and still giving commands.” 

And you’re still following them, she imagined his voice shooting back at her as she placed the thick envelope to the side and reached into the bag. She made quick work of discarding the multi-colored gift bag paper to reveal two books. She pulled the first one out. 

“Whoa,” she muttered as she took in a first edition copy of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. She turned it over in her hands, mouth agape as she studied it. It was beautiful and she knew it cost a pretty penny.  

Her hand reached into the bag and pulled out a book she knew all too well. Her own. An odd gift, she thought, though she supposed it was sweet that he went looking for it in the first place. She wondered how he found it as she published under a pseudonym but she imagined a man with his resources could find out almost anything he wanted with time. 

She flipped it open as she sat back down on her bed, a smaller envelope the size of a card falling out of it. He had stuck it in on the acknowledgements page, which read: From one dreamer to another. 

She opened Michael’s card and took in his handwriting. 

Thank you for sharing what you did with me on your birthday. I know the day isn’t easy. And apologies that this gift was so late - but I figured this was a loophole in the no gifts rule if you got it weeks later? And it took some time to track down your book. You didn’t make it easy. I’m looking forward to reading it on my flight. I generally agree with everything you say but I would disagree with one thing you said that night. The first time we met, you said Maya Angelou’s book saved you and gave you hope. I’m sure somewhere in this world, a young girl is reading your book and it’s doing the same for her. That’s something good that came out of October 15: the world got you. And that’s worth celebrating in my opinion. 

I hope, one day, you see that too.

Happy Birthday

Michael 

Raven let the tears that streamed down her face fall, one of them splashing against the glossy cover of her book. She wiped it away before rereading his card over and over again. She hated how he seemed to see her, really see her, and everything she truly needed. There he was again, caring more than anyone else, more than he should have, even when she was mad at him.  It just made her want him for every reason she shouldn’t. She should want to fuck him… she should want his money… That was all she signed up to get. A few months of cash and to let him dick her down better than she ever had been before. All her problems and loneliness solved, at least temporarily.

Instead, her heart and soul were slipping deep into dangerous territory, he was dangerous territory. She still tried to force herself to resist it, her body hanging by a rope that was fraying at the middle as if an invisible force was taking an ax to it. And she did not know if she wanted to scramble back onto the ledge or let herself fall.

After a few minutes, she picked up the other envelope and slid the folded up pieces of paper out of it. The first one made her gasp… a flight confirmation for a first class ticket to Paris dated for one week from today. The second page was a short list of the things she should pack.  And the third was her hotel confirmation, a suite at a hotel she could not even pronounce but one quick google search let her know it was one of the nicest and most expensive hotels the city had to offer. 

The last page only contained two sentences in Michael’s handwriting. 

I hope you have a passport. See you in one week.

Raven spread the pages out on the counter, her face paralyzed in shock. 

“What the actual fuck?” She examined all of them, rereading as if the information on them would vanish or change right before her eyes. But the flight confirmation had her name on it, the hotel room… her name. It was all there in black and white. He was inviting her to Paris. 

“I should say no…” she spoke to herself, a false ring of conviction in her voice. “I can’t accept this.” Her internal debate raged as she paced up and down by the kitchen island, her eyes studying the papers with each pass. 

You know you want to, the devil on her shoulder reasoned. And fuck, did she want to. It’s fun… when’s the last time we took a trip or did anything fun? 

She had never wanted to accept anything as badly as she wanted to accept this. She chewed on her lip so hard she was surprised she did not draw blood as she debated and debated. Until her phone buzzed with a text from Mr. Surprises himself.

Michael: damn you sleep late as hell. 

Michael: Am I gonna see you in Paris in a week?

Raven: This was a huge gamble… What if I didn’t have a passport? 🤔

Michael: It was a huge gamble but not because of the passport. Consider it PTO… Come live a little. 

Michael: So did my gamble pay off or nah? 

She read through the papers one more time, deciding then and there that she was 100% going to Paris. Even her pride could not allow her to deny herself this experience. However, she decided to make him sweat a little, though she doubted he actually would. 

Raven: I guess you’ll find out in seven days. Thanks for the gift.  

Raven locked her phone before chuckling to herself. She grabbed her phone and the itinerary page and let out an excited squeal and did a happy dance before she raced off to her closet. She had a trip to pack for. 

Tag list: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333@roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc

***

A/N: Wellllllllll… a lot happened! A little angst, a little fluff, a little smut lol just gave y'all the full spectrum of things. And it wouldn't be one of my fics if I didn't give you a character or two to despise along the way lol

Next chapter, we go to Paris, which not gonna lie… that wasn't in the OG outline of this haha but inspiration struck and now I'm very excited lol Drop a comment and let me know all your thoughts lol Thanks for reading!

[yeetusthemighty]

So I got a little insane about Ninjago when I stayed up too late one night

[this is copy-pasted from my notes app]

So I was listening to lysergide daydream and then Christmas kids came along and I was reading a Ninjago fic when it happened and and what if they were normal. And ok? And like just were friends. Hanging out. Doing stupid bullshit together. And then like what if that’s what they all want at some level. What if they daydream about going on stupid camping trips and accidentally falling in the lake. What if they daydream about going to their favorite noodle restaurant and challenging each other to see who can eat the most bowls before throwing up?

What if Jay and Nya wish they could go watch a bad movie together and go to a greasy diner after? What if Zane and Pixal want to be able to do the same without getting weird looks everywhere they go? What if Lloyd wants to go to a normal school where he is rewarded for good behavior, and have his only worry be how he is going to finish an essay and science project by Friday? What if Cole wants to be able to go hiking in the woods and camp under the stars for a few nights, just because? What if Kai wants to spend a night out in Ninjago city where he doesn’t have to look down every alleyway he passes?

What if Lloyd finds a postcard in the rubble of a fallen building during the latest attack and longs so desperately that he and his friends could be the people in that photo that he keeps that postcard under his pillow every night after? What if Zane tries to join his friends outside one winter to enjoy the snow but has to lock himself in the basement of the monastery for hours afterward reminding himself of where he is? What if Jay can’t bring himself to go into antique stores because once he went to buy an old radio that his parents would’ve loved but one of the lamps in there looked a little too familiar, so he had to run out without it? What if Nya wants to go back to her favorite meditation spot at a waterfall but she can’t stand the sound of running water anymore because underneath it she can still hear those faint whispers calling her back home? What if Cole dreads when he goes to honor his mom on each Day of the Departed because every time he feels a little bit of himself silp away, and he is afraid that one day the last of him will go too? What if Kai doesn’t fully enjoy using his elemental powers anymore because something is different about them after he watched Aspheera use them to burn Ninjago city to the ground? What if Pixal realized that none of the nindroids shes ever met were able to live normally, so she secretly built another nindroid to give them that chance, but they were destroyed when the spider bombs went off, and that crushed her more than any of the ninja will ever know.

What if. 

What if. 

What if.

What if Zane can’t bring himself to go back to the crossroads because during his lookalike contest he realized that there were no Formlings, no ice fishers? Not even one of those helmets he can instantly recognize? And somehow the lack of anything there is so much worse than seeing them again ever was. Because it gives him a gut punch that leaves him hollow for days after. Because he knows that they know. That the things he did will forever be immortalized in the stories that they tell for generations to come. And that he sees the same hollow fear in Fritz’s eyes too?

Ugh ugh ugh 

Sopping. 

I’m gonna design them to cope.

Timestamp: 2:40AM

Never let me listen to songs at 2:00 in the morning ever again [this will happen again]

Erryck I don’t know if this is comprehensible or not but but like do you understand???

None of them are mentally well but they pretend they don’t care because none of them know how to cope with the loss of their chance at life.

[emmyrosee]

Kirishima???? Did you mean The best boyfriend to ever exist????? His shirt? Boyfriend material. His hoodie? Bf material. Everything about him just screams best boyfriend energy I can explain it??? (also huge bi wife energy but that’s a topic for another day and might just be me thinking that but 👀)

like he’s so sweet and caring and he is the most golden retriever bf ever imo. comforts you like you’ve never been comforted before, he’s also like SO playful it’s insane. baby forgets he’s that strong sometimes and would definitely be apologizing profusely after accidentally launching you onto the bed a bit too harshly while you’re laughing your head off. also he definitely cries during any dog movie ever, even if it’s happy. Hypes you up always even if he doesn’t get what’s happening yet. best bf. what a guy. you’d be the parents of your friend group as a couple but also just so individually childish it gives them whiplash.

If you couldn’t tell, I love kirishima with my whole heart and will take any opportunity to talk abt him ty for giving me the opportunity hehehe <3

IM LITERALLY GOINF TO LIGHT MTSELF ON FIRE AND NO ONE PUT ME OUT-

Kirishima absolutely launching me out of bed is an image I needed like. Three years ago. I love it so much. Like just patting the bed next to you to invite him in to cuddle, and he just leaps next to you and, effectively, flings you into the air and nearly onto the floor.

“BABY!” He shrieks, trying to grab all your limbs and pull you back up, while you just scream and giggle in reply.

He just. HFBDOEND

And he’d text you all the time about silly nonsense because he thinks you’ll want to know about anything and everything he sees through the day, and when you ask him about it, he smiles and confidently admits that he wants it to feel like you’re there with him, and it makes your bottom lip quiver slightly because why is he so sweet, come on now-

He doesn’t really get why it made you slightly emotional, but hey- free, cuddly hugs make him weak and who would he be to complain?

He’s just so sweet. And he’s so considerate, he’s always the boyfriend who switches food with you because you don’t like yours, always has some money for vending machines that he knows you’ll want something from, and he does it all with a loving smile on his face.

One day, you noticed how he started carrying around a lot more coins, and when you asked, he confessed that it was for when you pass a crane machine or gashapon machine because he knows you’ll ask him to try it, and who would he be to say no? Cruel, that’s who.

And when it comes to the nitty gritty, the core of your relationship, yeah, it’s chaos. And your friends tease you both all the time for it, how “obsessed” you two are with each other, but that’s how it should be. Two people in love, who can barely keep their hands off of each other, can’t go more than an hour without texting, and the worst fights they get into are what kind of chips they should by at the store. Who’s communication is just that solid, their loyalty undeniable and fresh and secure.

And if your friends don’t seem to get that?

Their loss.

[traineecryptid]

NPSS Weibo Q&A (20240831) Part 4

This is a Q&A session held on Weibo. People will tag their questions with the hashtag #南派三叔藏海花在线答疑# (#NPSS Zang Hai Hua Online Q&A#) and NPSS will look through the tag to pick some to answer. The event started at 1500 hours on 2024 August 31st.

Folder with screenshots and big compilation google doc is here. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here. Part 3 is here.

1608

Q: Man crush, honestly, do you think that West Lake Vinegar Fish is delicious? Can you finish a plate of Vinegar Fish from Louwailou by yourself?

A: Actually, I really can’t. At most, I can eat two bites. But I’ve heard that they’ve improved their recipe lately and now it’s very delicious.

1609

Q: Shu, how long do you spend online from day to night? Your mental state is great. (T/N: “great” as in “wow what a mental state!”) A: I actually have too many things to write but well, I’m a liuliang celebrity, aren’t I?

1609

Q: The unbeatable, most handsome man crush in the universe, may I ask if Wu Xie would get caught by Xiaoge and Pangzi for sneakily buying game currency in LOL so he can buy skins? A: You can’t skimp on skins no matter how poor you are. Everyone understands this.

1611

Q: Sanshu, you have written about so many places in China, have you considered letting the Iron Triangle go tomb robbing overseas? A: I’ve written a movie script previously. The three of them were kidnapped and brought inside a pyramid. I was prepared to direct it myself but there was an Ebola outbreak right when the filming site in West Sahara finished construction.

1611

Q: I’ll post this again. Lei, can you invite the original singer to perform Three Days of Silence next year? People go to the bathroom three times (T/N: this is the proverb meaning to visit a place persistently until you get the result you want), why don't you go to the bathroom three hundred times. After all, there’s still more than 300 days till the next 817.

A: I visit once per day? Won’t it make me look like a loan shark?

1613

Q: When will this Q&A end?

A: It won’t end. I will answer at any time.

1613

Q: Shu, you’ve previously said that you’ll slowly delete the drafts on your public account. Can you not delete them? I really like to read the drafts over and over again.

A: There isn’t enough space. There’s too many [drafts]. Even if I don’t delete them, you can’t find them either.

1615

Q: If Zhang Qiling could only say one sentence to Wu Xie in this lifetime, what would he say?

A: I can only say one sentence to you in this lifetime, go get paper and pencil, I’m going to start saying this sentence and try my best to not stop and tell you everything that I can say, don’t interrupt me, let’s see how long I can make this sentence, now listen up, Wu Xie, my plan is goes like this bla bla bla bla bla—

1616

Q: Do you think that you can write better than you have previously? Or has that best feeling stage passed? A: I can go back [to that state], but I will go insane. Once I go insane, I will hurt everyone, including you all.

1618

Q: Shu, I think you wrote the best when you were in the psychiatry hospital. Can you trouble yourself and fulfill us and go there again? A: Here comes the crazy guy.

1620

Q: I’m praying for Shu to get Tianshou today and update nonstop.

A: Once the Tianshou ends, there’s a great probability that I will go to Liuheta (T/N: a culture park in Hangzhou, West Lake area) and run around naked.

1623

Q: What were the first impressions Zhang Qiling and Wu Xie had of each other?

A: Wu: Wah, it’s a show off. Zhang: Looks like there’s a layman on the team.

1624

Q: Man crush, if you were to choose a birthplace in DMBJ, would you choose the Golmud Sanatorium or the Bronze Gate?

A: Are these birth places? What is my mom thinking?

1629

Q: Which one do you like more; going to work or going to jail? Can you write while you’re in jail or write while you’re at work?

A: What’s the difference?

1631

Q: Shu, what do you think ZHH means to you?

A: I was suffering a lot when I wrote ZHH. It was before my mental breakdown. I went crazy after finishing it.

60 questions in! /laid flat on the ground. Only 60 questions in... and the list keeps getting longer. On one hand, I kinda regret spacing these out so much but on the other hand... I need something to fill my days between the ZHH updates. Maybe I'll do double updates tomorrow! Who Knows!

[currrsy]

☕️ kyman office au ☕️

(sorry for my bad eng, anyway - enjoy!)

College (19-24 years old)

 After graduating from high school, Kyle and Eric entered the same college, where they became roommates (the guys were randomly assigned to the same room, and they had to get along with each other). Kyle was studying to be a lawyer and Eric was studying to be an economist.  At first, it was difficult for them to live together (they constantly quarreled, fought, etc.), but Cartman tried in every possible way to get closer to Kyle. As a result, they found a common language and became friends (having a joint time at the same table in the dining room, watching a movie with a bottle of beer and a pack of chips, discussing personal problems, talking about life, and even sleeping on the same bed). - Cartman... - Mm?.. - Why are you sleeping in my bed? - Huh? You let me in here last night. - I don't remember anything… - You were very drunk, Kahl, and now shut up and sleep.  One day, drunk, Eric tried to kiss Kyle, which made him angry and Kyle hit Cartman hard; they fought. Their relationship became strained again, and it remained that way until the very end of college. In fact, Kyle had feelings for Eric, but constantly repressed it and lied to himself (Kyle suffered from internalized homophobia). Eric, on the contrary, always loved Kyle and wanted to be with him. Subsequently, their relationship did not improve, and after graduation, Kyle decisively cut off all ties with Eric.  Kyle: Stop calling and texting me, I don't want to have anything to do with you. Forget me.

Adult life, office work (42-43 years old)

 Having matured, Kyle gets a job as a secretary in a large company, the boss of which is Cartman. Kyle sincerely thought that he would never see Eric again, but this meeting makes him remember his former love and time spent together with Cartman in college (which Eric himself remembered, who, deep down, was insanely glad that he met Broflovski).  Cartman constantly played pranks on Kyle and was not shy about flirting, which irritated Broflovski (Kyle tried to calmly do his job, interacting with Cartman as little as possible). Once, for a good job, Eric invited Kyle to dinner at a restaurant, where he later, drunk, sang Lady Gaga songs in karaoke and yelled about how much he loved Kyle (Kyle had to take him home and stay overnight to monitor his condition ). Over time, Kyle became easier to relate to his feelings and even noticed for himself that Eric became even more attractive and solid.  - Cartman, I don't understand how you can be so smart, charismatic and at the same time stupid piece of shit?   - Kyle??? If Eric tried to take the first step during studies, then this time Kyle did it.    Kyle: So many years have passed, so much time. I kept convincing myself that everything was wrong, that my feelings were false! I sincerely believed that I hated you, but it turned out that I love you more than I hate.  Cartman: I could have had you earlier, but then I would have had to break you; I didn't do this and suffered, looking at the fact that you reject me over and over again. - what will happen in the end, I have not decided yet, specifically in this case, I like to think about different scenarios ^^

на русском!

☕️ Кайман офис ау ☕️

Колледж (19-24 года)

 После окончания школы Кайл и Эрик поступили в один колледж, где стали соседями по комнате (ребят случайно распределили в одну комнату, и им пришлось уживаться друг с другом). Кайл учился на юриста, а Эрик - на экономиста. Поначалу им было трудно жить вместе (они постоянно скандалили, ссорились, дрались и т.д.), однако Картман всячески пытался сблизиться с Кайлом. По итогу они нашли общий язык и стали приятелями (совместное времяпровождение за одним столиком в столовой, просмотр кино под бутылку пива и пачку чипсов, обсуждение личных проблем, разговоры о жизни и даже сон на одной кровати). - Картман… - Мм?.. - Почему ты спишь в моей кровати? - А?.. Ты же сам меня сюда пустил прошлой ночью. - Я ничего не помню… - Ты был сильно пьян, Каел, а теперь заткнись и спи.  Однажды, подвыпив, Эрик попытался поцеловать Кайла, из-за чего тот разозлился и сильно ударил Картмана; они подрались. Их отношения вновь стали напряженными, и так было до самого конца обучения в колледже. На самом деле Кайл испытывал к Эрику чувства, но постоянно их подавлял и врал самому себе (Кайл страдал от внутренней гомофобии). Эрик же наоборот всегда любил Кайла и хотел быть с ним. Впоследствии их отношения так и не наладились, а после окончания учебы Кайл решительно оборвал все связи с Эриком.  Кайл: Перестань мне звонить и писать, я не хочу иметь с тобой ничего общего. Забудь меня.

Взрослая жизнь, работа в офисе (42-43 года)

 Повзрослев, Кайл устраивается на работу секретарем в большую компанию, боссом которой оказывается Картман. Кайл искренне думал, что больше никогда не увидит Эрика, но эта встреча заставляет его вспомнить о былой влюбленности и времени, проведенном вместе с Картманом в колледже (о чем вспомнил и сам Эрик, который в глубине души был безумно рад, что встретил Брофловски).  Картман постоянно подшучивал над Кайлом и не стеснялся заигрывать, что раздражало Брофловски (Кайл старался спокойно выполнять свою работу, как можно реже взаимодействуя с Картманом). Однажды за хорошую работу Эрик пригласил Кайла на ужин в ресторан, где потом, опьянев, пел в караоке песни Леди Гаги и орал о том, как сильно любит Кайла (Кайлу пришлось отвезти его домой и остаться у него на ночевку, чтобы проследить за его состоянием). Со временем Кайл стал проще относиться к своим чувствам и даже подметил для себя, что Эрик стал еще привлекательнее и солиднее. - Картман, я не понимаю, как ты можешь быть таким сообразительным, харизматичным и одновременно тупым куском дерьма? - Кайл???  Если во время учебы первый шаг старался сделать Эрик, то в этот раз это сделал Кайл.  Кайл: Столько лет прошло, так много времени упущено. Я все убеждал себя, что все не так, что мои чувства фальшивы! Я искренне верил, что ненавижу тебя, а оказалось, что больше люблю, чем ненавижу…  Картман: Я мог бы заполучить тебя еще раньше, но тогда мне пришлось бы тебя сломать; я не стал этого делать и страдал, смотря на то, как раз за разом ты меня отве��гаешь. - что будет в итоге я еще не решила, конкретно в этом случае мне нравится думать о разных вариантах развития событий ^^

[myloveforhergoeson]

That's All She Wrote - Chapter 28

Chapter Index

Find me on wattpad + ao3!

Chapter 28: Five Minutes to Midnight ~ 25k

hi! this chapter is a collection of short stories - time skips are denoted by "~" and story changes are denoted by "***" :) tw: mentions of underage drinking

The day after Christmas, the largest snowstorm the Midwest had seen in 30 years subsided, and Big Time Rush, their assistant, and family members were able to get their flights rescheduled so they could spend some time back home before the new year. 

Though Roxy and Declan had to part with the boys, Katie, and Mrs. Knight at their flight gate, it didn’t stop the young writer and her boyfriend from a parting goodbye that felt as though it belonged in an old black and white movie. To an onlooker, it might have seemed as though James and Roxy would never see each other ever again when in reality, he was flying to Duluth and she was flying to Green Bay. 

Somebody had to collect the ancient Somerset family truck, Dynamo, from Wisconsin, and Roxy certainly wasn’t going to make her father do it alone, especially after his wonderful holiday surprise of meeting her in Los Angeles so they didn’t spend Christmas apart. Despite it adding five more hours to their travel time to Duluth, she was more than happy to spend it with him. 

More than once on the way to the airport, Roxy asked James to come with her and her father to Green Bay, but he unfortunately had to decline the invitation. He assured her he’d much rather spend the time with her, but his father was already made aware of their flight plans and was going to meet him and Carlos at the Duluth airport to take them both home. 

So, the pair had a dramatic farewell - James being entirely over the top as he quietly double-checked to make sure his girlfriend had taken her air sickness medication and Roxy clinging to him so tightly she probably left a few crescent-shaped indentations on his skin from her nails - and after a deep kiss and lots of groans from their friends, the two groups managed to go their separate ways through the bustling airport. 

Admittedly, the songwriter was quite worried as she and her dad passed through the large crowds of people. This was the first time in her life she’d be taking a flight without James and that wasn’t sitting well with her. Even if he hadn’t been there for her on their first two flights, their solo trek back to Los Angeles at the beginning of the summer had been far different. 

Of course, Roxy hadn’t realized it at the time, but It would be impossible for her to ever forget the jitters she felt when he held her hand during take-off or the way he checked on her whenever she finally felt well enough to weakly lift her head off his shoulder. Despite what felt like the entire world crumbling around them as they had jettisoned back out to California to work with a criminally insane record producer without their best friends, he had stayed awake the entire red-eye flight to comfort her as if she were the only thing in the world that mattered to him. 

While she reflected, she could feel the smile tugging at her lips. I love being the center of his attention.

Just as the pair of them happened upon the correct gate, C10, Roxy heard her father mutter something as he stared out of the large, floor-to-ceiling windows. At the base of the plane they’d be traveling on, the luggage handlers were roughly loading everything into the spacious haul, including two identical black guitar cases. 

“What was that?” She said teasingly, nudging him with her elbow as they continued to stare, watching as their items rode up the conveyor belt and into the luggage compartment. 

Declan blinked before guiding his daughter to a few open seats in front of the airline help desk. “I said ‘This is why I hate flying.’ On top of the damn ticket check-in an’ obnoxious TSA screenings an’ ridiculously priced coffee,” He gestured to a small cafe in front of them advertising seven-dollar lattes, “They don’t even handle your things with care! He just threw a 300-dollar guitar on the belt like it was nothing!”

While his complaints were entirely valid, Roxy had known him more than long enough to know none of those reasons were truly what was riling him up. As they sat beside each other, she noticed his bouncing leg and tight grip on the armrest beside him. That, mixed with his fast-paced rambling and thickening of his Southern accent, told her one thing. Her father, the bravest man she knew, was anxious and she was pretty sure she could figure out why.

That explains why we’ve never flown anywhere together…

Roxy had figured it was simply because flying was expensive; She and her father hadn’t ever vacationed far from home - Always to locations within acceptable driving distance. But now, watching him fiddle with the zipper on his carry-on, she couldn’t help but chuckle.

Another nudge. “That’s the only thing you hate about flying?” 

“I don’t care for the tiny, crowded seats, either.” His voice was barely heard over the hustle and bustle of other airport patrons around them.

“You’re so pessimistic.” She rolled her eyes.

“Well if you want me to say something nice, I suppose I can’t complain about the little peanuts they give you.”

“Those are only good if you can manage to keep them down.”

Finally, eyes widening, Declan caught drift of what Roxy was trying to get at. Apparently, airsickness ran in the family. 

“No… Not you too, honey bun…”

Slowly, she nodded. “It would’ve been nice of you to warn me of that before I got on my first plane!”

“I was hoping it had skipped a generation. Sucks all the fun out of goin’ places, doesn’t it?” When he finally turned to face her, watching as she placed her carry-on luggage between her knees, he nervously rubbed one calloused hand over his tattooed forearm. “There’s only been three times in my life I’ve been on a plane. Once, your grammy took me to Disney World when I graduated eighth grade, then when I chased Dana from Austin to Duluth, and then again, yesterday, to meet you here.”

Grammy. Dana. Two people her father rarely mentioned, but both of them in one go? Unheard of. 

Roxy swallowed, letting his words sink in. It was hard to figure out what to say whenever he brought up people from his past. Neither of those individuals were people he spoke to anymore, for good reason in her opinion, so the subject was always a bit touchy. For a moment, she wondered if her grandmother would be proud of the man he had become since cutting her off seventeen years ago. 

She certainly was proud of him; There wasn’t any man on Earth better than her father. 

“We’re tied then.” The girl settled on, ignoring the people Declan had mentioned entirely, reaching out to place one hand over his to help ease some of the tension. “Twice to LA, once to Duluth. They tried to get me on a plane during tour but I flat-out refused and took the bus cross-country instead. But you learn a few things when your job requires such consistent travel…” Using one hand to flip open the black flap of the mini backpack in her lap, Roxy rooted around for the small white capsule containing the Dramamine Mrs. Knight had offered her before their departure. “Take a few of these. It won’t really help, but sometimes it’s enough to trick your body into chilling out for the first half hour-ish. We’ll get through the rest together.”

Shockingly enough, Declan sighed, accepting the small tube from his daughter and swallowing two of the little pills dry. Then, slinging a lazy arm around her shoulder, he pulled her into a small half-hug. “That’s my girl. So grown up, jet-setting across the States with her pop band… You hardly need me to take care of you anymore, huh?” 

That was true, she felt, and she admittedly had for quite some time, but she’d never, ever let him know that. It didn’t change their relationship in the slightest; It didn’t affect just how much love she had for him. “Don’t be silly, Dad, I’ll always need you to take care of me.”

~

Both Roxy and Declan had a miserable flight to Wisconsin, running to opposite sides of the plane like clockwork to take care of their sickness. Whenever they returned to their seats, however, they had a brief period of respite where they were able to weakly hold a conversation or talk about something that had been going on in their separate worlds. 

Secretly, Roxy wished James were there, but respected the commitment he and his father had made to meet back in Duluth. Through most of her nausea, she couldn’t concentrate on much else, but when her head was clear enough, she sometimes wondered if he thought it was a chore to take care of her when they had flown back to Los Angeles together. The thoughts were unwelcome and hard to neglect, but she chalked it up to her illness as she burrowed into her Dad’s shoulder - when he was around at least - and tried to focus on the rock music flooding through their shared headphones. 

Declan’s playlists always brought back welcome memories of the times he’d picked her up from school, the special songs he’d taught her to play on the guitar as she was growing up, every time he’d play music trivia with her while they made dinner together. The hold music had on both of their lives was simultaneously the same and vastly different, shaping who each of them were while together and apart. All the comforting feelings from the familiar guitar chords and rebellious lyrics eased the girl greatly, eventually allowing her to ward off her ailment enough to close her eyes and nod off for a while.

By the time they arrived in Green Bay, the pair were more than ecstatic to get off the plane as quickly as possible, and take one more trip to the bathroom, before gathering their additional luggage and guitars. While the hustle and bustle of this airport was nothing like LAX, it was still busy regardless, taking even more time to get to the parking garage from the influx of people heading out of the baggage claim. Each moment that ticked by where she wasn’t getting any closer to Duluth was a moment Roxy began to miss her friends even more.

It was strange, being so connected to the band she physically felt an emptiness when they weren’t near each other, but unsurprising. Those four had a way of digging into her heart since the very first moment they’d met and had been subtly carving themselves deeper and deeper with each passing day. 

Aren’t you supposed to get tired of the people you spend every single moment of every single day with? She thought to herself, half-joking to try and dull the ache. 

When they finally found the ancient, rusty blue truck in the airport parking lot, Declan realized something was bugging Roxy, so he let her pick the music for their long ride home. That was something he always did when she was in a bad mood; It was an unspoken invitation to talk it out or leave nothing said as they simply enjoyed each other’s comforting company to the sound of a background track. 

First, she dug around in Dynamo’s glove box while her father took his place behind the wheel. Most of the tapes they had each made were in there, the ones they’d deemed travel-worthy anyway, along with the truck’s registration and various, small emergency supplies. The collection she had managed to pull out on her first try yielded one of the first tapes she had ever made - All her favorite songs from about five years ago - and the mix her dad had made for her to listen to as she was growing up. Each of them held 45 minutes on each side, so they’d have enough time to listen to both, and she popped in the cassette her father constructed to listen to first while he started up the vehicle. 

After a few turns of the key, Dynamo’s engine loudly roared to life with a shutter that reached the entire cab. Another familiar feeling, one she certainly didn’t ever get in the Pontiac, as her father pulled the car out of its parking spot and the two began the journey home. 

The idle small talk they had been making stopped the moment the first song began to play through the old, on the verge of blowing out speakers. 

Being the music-obsessed man he was, of course, the first song Declan had chosen for his daughter’s tape was “Roxanne” by the Police. Not only was it one of his favorite songs of all time, but it had been the inspiration for her name.

“A musical name for my musical girl,” He’d always told her whenever he played the song for Roxy when she was younger. “This one was on the radio when I received the best news of my life…”

Declan claimed to have made many mistakes as a teenager, but assured her that listening to this song always reminded him that his life had turned out on the right track. Without “Roxanne” he’d never have fallen in love with music, he’d never have started his own band and discovered the emerging punk scene in his hometown of Austin, Texas, and without that, he’d have never had Roxanne. 

When Roxy was old enough to begin to understand the lyrics and asked him what it meant to “put on the red light,” it had originally been to make him squirm, get him to admit that he didn’t really think about what it meant to name her after the song. Her rebellious phase hit quite swiftly once she turned thirteen, but dissipated about a year after, so now, she’d sometimes ask him randomly, for fun. In those cases, he’d ruffle her hair and make up a new absurd lie each time; Something silly and stupid, never truly telling her what it meant, though he knew for a fact she knew. 

She suspected this song had something to do with her favorite color being red. 

Leaning her head in the crook of her arm and staring out the window as they flew down the highway, Roxy reached for the dial and turned the volume up a few notches, but asked, “Tell me what putting on the red light means again?”

“Aren’t you listening to the song? She’s clearly using the light to interrupt a secret spy code!”

“Roxanne the spy does have a nice ring to it… Roxanne de la Rouge!”

He didn’t respond after that, though he did crack a small smile, simply tapping the wheel to the drum beat and checking the road signs to make sure they were on the right track. 

The more cars they passed, the heavier her eyelids felt. Flying always took a lot out of her - Far more than she cared to admit. By the time the second song rolled around, “Ever Fallen in Love (With Someone You Shouldn’t’ve?)” by Buzzcocks, she was in and out of consciousness, thinking about how much she couldn’t wait to be back in Minnesota with her friends. At song three, “Real Cool Time” by the Stooges, she realized what a strange thought that was, considering months ago, that had been her worst nightmare.

Wherever we are… As long as we’re together, was her final conclusion, before slipping off to dreamland. 

~

They stopped halfway home to have lunch at a diner off the side of the highway. It was a much-needed break, and a good idea for the pair to refuel at the gas station on the opposite corner, but in the blink of an eye Declan and Roxy were back in the truck, motoring as quickly as they could to get back home. 

The grease dripping off of Roxy’s burger had settled nicely in her stomach, making her crave something from Duluth’s Bun In A Million; Still trying to wrap her head around the fact she was excited to be back in the Midwest. 

By the time her tape of songs had run out, she hardly even noticed, spacing out as she stared at the miles of farmland whizzing by her window. Wordlessly, her dad reached out across the center console and nudged her to pull her out of her daze, pointing to the glove box. 

Popping the small compartment in front of her open, Roxy blinked a few times to focus her attention and began to push various papers and items out of her way to find the other tapes they had stashed in Dynamo. It wouldn’t be so messy if he had just bought the tape organizer I told him to…

When her hands finally found something plastic under a box of bandaids, she pulled it out to discover a cassette she had never seen in the car before. Instead of the standard black of the blank tapes Declan had scattered all over their house, this one was bright white, with his smudged handwriting sprawled across the top. 

BTR

Roxy could hardly contain the grin curling her lips as she hastily popped her mix out of the car’s stereo and inserted the recording of her band’s first album. Though it took a few seconds to play - Declan had never been the best at making pristine recordings - by the time the intro to “Big Time Rush” started she could hear his deep laughter standing out against the melody. 

When their first album had been released, she had been sure to send a signed CD home as a testament to her songwriting ability. Though she had assumed her dad had tucked it away somewhere for safekeeping, she’d never have guessed he would’ve made a tape of it to listen on the go. When the first chorus hit, Roxy learned something else: Declan knew all the words. 

 It was almost enough for her to erupt in a fit of giggles, listening to him unabashedly belt out his declaration to go “big time” and at the bridge, she decided to join him in singing while playing air guitar to the chords she’d written her first night in Los Angeles. 

The pair continued like that, through “Famous” and “Any Kind of Guy” and then the rest of the tracks, all the way to the end with “Stuck” when they were interrupted by the sound of Roxy’s phone going off. 

Now “Boyfriend” was attempting to get into the song mix, with the writer swiftly taking her phone out of her back pocket and turning down the car’s stereo emphasizing the riff coming from the tiny cell speakers. A picture of her and James on their second-first date lit up her screen as she accepted the call. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, babe! Just wanted to let you know we all made it home safe and sound.” 

It wasn’t lost on Roxy that her dad snorted at James’ words; She mustn’t have had her speaker volume turned down enough. 

Shifting the device to her right hand, she slugged Declan on the shoulder. “Ugh, I’m so jealous. We’ve still got about two hours left, I think.” By the way the sun was beginning to shine directly into her eyes, she guessed, “Probably won’t be back until way after dark.”

On the other line, she heard some background deliberation meaning James was probably with Kendall, Carlos, and Logan, and it took a second for him to respond, “The guys and I are going to kick it at Carlos’ for the night, think you can make it?”

How are they so go, go, go…

“As much as I’d love to, jet lag is kicking my ass. It’s time for a much-needed night in for me.”

“Suit yourself!” He laughed before lowering his voice. Roxy could practically imagine him turning away from his friends and cradling his phone to his ear while he said, “Let me know when you make it to town. Since I’m not there to kiss you goodnight in person I figured I could-”

Immediately, her cheeks flushed before remembering where she was. “O-okay! Yes, I’ll… do that. Bye!”

His confused, “Bye?” hardly made it through the speaker before she ended the call, scrambling to put her phone back into her pocket and pretending to be very interested in the small town she and her dad were passing through out the window. 

Declan shuffled a bit, the aging leather of Dynamo’s seats letting out a squeak in response. Soon after, “Stuck” ended and Roxy heard him flip the tape over to a live version of the unreleased “This is Our Someday.” A recording he must have made at their hometown concert over the summer. 

Though she much preferred the guitar piece she had written for the live show, she hoped her dad would enjoy the studio version just as much. 

While the song played, Roxy still stared out the window, trying to work through the complex emotions of being embarrassed by her unsuspecting boyfriend in front of her father. We sure are on a roll this week…

“He’s good to you, right?”

The girl felt her eyes widen, letting the question rattle around in her brain for a minute before sighing, “Dad…”

Music turned down to zero, Declan asked her again. 

“I’ll call Jo and Camille. The three of you can deliberate on it,” Roxy tried to quip, wanting to have literally any conversation but this one with her father. If she could sink into her seat and disappear at this very moment, she probably would.

Leather squeaking again, Declan blew out a large puff of air. “Seriously, Honey Bun. Teenage musicians, they’re-”

 “I know!” 

Like really. I know. Not that her father ever needed to hear about Dak Zevon. If that went anything like their conversation after her fiasco with Mag last year, he’d probably end up with his face plastered on wanted posters on every street corner of California. 

“Roxanne,” Declan said softly. “Please. Even with you living all the way across the country, I’m still your Dad. I gotta make sure.”

His daughter crossed her arms, pulling her knees up to her chest even with the uncomfortable seat belt cutting into her collarbone. “Yes, James is good to me.” Though that alone felt a bit unconvincing, and she audibly swallowed before following, “More like, perfect to me. He listens to me ramble about songwriting, always makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful person he’s ever seen, we never fight… We spend as much time together as possible and I’m really happy being with him.”

For someone who writes love songs… Damn, that was cliche.

“Okay, alright… Thank you.” Her father conceded, seemingly content with the answer she had given him. There was a beat of silence before he gripped the steering wheel tightener, “And you’re being safe?”

“Dad!” 

Her exasperation was enough to get him to finally let out a little chuckle, “He’s your first boyfriend, Roxy! A boy and a musician. I’ve just gotta double-check!”

“We’re not-” The writer stopped herself from saying anything else in immediate response, doing her best to understand where her father was coming from. More than anyone, he understood her situation best. He had been a teenage boy and a musician - one who often proclaimed he hadn’t been safe when he was her age. His questions weren’t to annoy her, he just needed to fuel his peace of mind. “The last year has been the best year of my life. I’m not going to do anything that puts my future in danger.” Roxy turned away from the window, finally glancing over at her dad to catch his solemn nod of understanding. “And one day this might be easy to talk about, but it’s fresh, and it’s new, and… you’re my dad.”

Declan nodded again, anxiously rubbing the back of his neck at the response he had elicited from his daughter. “Yeah… Sorry for the ninth degree. I just love you. Loads.”

“Sorry for snapping back,” She mumbled, but she knew he didn’t care. As much as they’d pushed each other's buttons in the past, he’d never, ever been angry with her. “And I love you too.”

Catching his half smile as he kept his eyes on the road, Roxy felt herself begin to smile too. She had forgotten just what it felt like to have her dad around, and now the excitement of being home wasn’t all that confusing anymore. 

She didn’t miss being in Duluth, she missed being around her father. 

***

Finding something to wear to a show was always a struggle for Roxy. Back in Brand New Day, an old band t-shirt or flannel, some skinny jeans, and black boots were practically a uniform worn at every single gig. While on the Big Time Rush tour, her options were equally as simple - Something cute, matching whatever colors the boys were wearing that night, that didn’t make her stand out in the slightest. But to a basement show in her hometown? Nothing in her closet seemed like the right way to go.

She hadn’t even been planning on going to one over the holiday break, but she had run into her old lab partner, Catherine Endicott while at the grocery store earlier, and she wasn’t ever one to pass up an invitation to enjoy the local music scene. So many incredible bands and musicians had come out of Minnesota; It would be a shame to miss out on potentially seeing the next big thing right as they got their start. 

“Bob Dylan, The Replacements, Hüsker Dü, Big Time Rush… Minnesota is crawling with musical talent,” She rambled, twisting her hair up into a large claw clip and letting the ends stick up, framing the top of her head like a spiky crown, while speaking to a spaced-out James. “Now we get to see Cait’s band, Under the Bleachers!”

It sounded like he was humming along to the OneRepublic song on the radio station he’d picked, sitting on top of her messily made bed while she dug through her closet to try and find something she’d feel comfortable in. 

Fashion was always a mixed bag at underground shows, and that had never really bothered her before, but she’d found she favored more colorful and trendy outfits than the experimental and quirky style she often saw at house gigs. Typically, she’d just wear whatever and bolster the strange looks because she’d be with her dad - in his own grunge style - and he’d ward off any unwanted glances or sly comments. But going with James, the poster boy for everything mainstream, would not afford her such grace. 

So… Blend in but make it my own… She determined, reaching all the way into the back of her closet for the punkish outfits she used to wear while she was in Brand New Day. It felt like forever ago now, but that had been her style when trying to fit in with Mag and Dani at their shows, but these days, not so much. 

“So we’re going to see a show by a band you’ve never heard of because someone you kind of know invited you?” James asked, clarifying the situation she had hurriedly explained to him on the phone as she’d come home from the store. Of course, he had been more than eager to bike over to her place in his “alternative” outfit - which to him was a pair of nice black jeans, a black v-neck, and a black jacket - but was having some trouble grasping the concept of seeing an artist they didn’t know. 

Even though he couldn’t see her buried in the back of her closet, the girl nodded as she slid hanger after hanger toward her to check out all her options. “Duh. Most of the people at our first show didn’t know who we were either, but they came because of our amazing advertising!”

Oh… Good times, Roxy fondly recalled running around L.A. handing out as many Big Time Rush fliers as she could and inviting anyone to their show that would stop long enough to listen. Brand New Day’s advertising strategy had been similar, but she also had the power of the airwaves to help her out at the Project Pop radio station. 

Taking in her words, James continued humming to the radio, as Roxy’s fingers landed on a long-forgotten t-shirt she had been keeping tucked away for a special occasion. James’ first basement show seemed like as good a time as any, and she managed to pair it with a short, red skirt and a pair of black fishnet tights. 

 As quickly as she had found it, she ran into the bathroom to change, feeling much more like herself than she had figured she would as she admired her picks in the large mirror. Not only was this her first concert with James, but it would also be her first underground show since she left Brand New Day. A part of her was irrationally worried that she’d see Mag and Dani there, but Duluth wasn’t that small a city, and Cait hadn’t mentioned running into them during their brief conversation earlier. 

Then again… They did show up at the Palm Woods…

“When you say ‘we’ are you talking about Big Time Rush or your old band?” She heard James call through the closed door, just as she managed to slip the final component of her outfit on; A gold chain belt cooly rested against her exposed midriff after she’d tied up the shirt, matching the charm necklace hanging around her neck.

Aside from the time Kendall had stolen her journal and passed it off to famous internet blogger Deke, that had been the first time he’d asked her something regarding her musical past. Not that she didn’t mind sharing - with him at least - the question simply caught her off guard. Despite a long-standing friendship, their relationship was still in the beginning stages. Roxy’s heart skipped; It was nice that even after knowing each other quite well, there was still much for them to learn about each other.

Slowly opening the door to the bathroom and making a beeline back to her closet for a pair of black boots, Roxy considered her next words carefully, “Yes to both; But each time we did a significant amount of advertising. Word of mouth does wonders in any town… Ergo, we’re seeing Cait’s band.”

When she finally turned around to find the jewelry box on her dresser, she felt James’ eyes glued to her as she crossed the small room. It made her chest flutter, knowing he couldn’t stop staring at her, and just for fun, she used it to her advantage as she coyly glanced over her shoulder and shot him a wink before picking out a pair of matching earrings. 

“Rox…” He almost whispered, and the springs of her bed groaned as he stood up. In response, he brought a fist to his mouth before clearing his throat and she didn’t miss the unmistakable dusting of pink blushing the top of his ears. “I know you’re going to be freezing but is it bad that I don’t care? I never want you to take that off…”

In the vanity mirror she was using to check her outfit, she noticed he crept closer while he spoke, gaze suspiciously targeting her legs. When he reached out to wrap his arms around her, she playfully evaded his grasp with a nicely timed side-step.

“Oh, my God!” Roxy cried, cutting into his sentence with a few uncontrollable snorts of laughter and an accusatory finger, meeting him in the middle of the room. “You’ve got a thing for fishnets!”

She watched James freeze, glancing up at the ceiling fan lazily rotating around. In response, he let out a few beats of an innocent whistle before rocking back and forth on his heels. “Whaaat! No!”

Acting against his words, his hand reached out to grab hers at the same time his gaze flickered down just long enough to give her another once-over, noticeably lingering on her tights. When the writer opened her mouth again to tease him, he beat her to the punch and changed the subject, pointing to the old black and white band t-shirt she had tied up above her navel. “Who’s Dec and the Desires? Never heard you talk about them before.”

 Another question that made her giddy, and she grinned as she laced her fingers between his and pulled him into the living room toward the front door, making sure to grab a lighter from the kitchen junk drawer on the way out. “An underground punk band I love. They were really big in the late 80’s and early 90’s in Austin, Texas. Though, I figure you can put the rest together yourself, considering you know the lead singer.”

It seemed as though her words confused her boyfriend for a moment, as they stepped out of the Somerset’s one-story and out onto the freezing streets of Minnesota. Of course, James had been right, and Roxy was freezing, but Cait’s house was only a few blocks away. She could brave the cold in the name of fashion. 

Besides, I’ve got my own personal space heater…

“I do?” He asked, eyes darting around the empty driveway before his brows knit in confusion. 

Roxy carefully tugged him toward the mostly snow-cleared sidewalk, silently letting him know they’d be walking to their destination instead of driving; Someone had been caught up at work after taking an impromptu day off on Christmas Eve and kept Dynamo out late. “Yes, baby. Dec… and the Desires?”

James blinked, either still confused or taking in the pet name he wasn’t quite used to as he followed her lead.

Oh my…

“Declan?” She tried again, doing her best to keep from shivering too much as she and James traversed the icy path. “Somerset?”

“Oh! Your dad was in a band like you?” The genuine curiosity in his voice made her melt a smidge and she snugged his arm into her chest as she practically pulled him down the street to Cait’s. “I didn’t know that, Rox! Kendall and I talked his ear off about sports backstage when we could’ve been asking for music advice! He’s way nicer than Gustavo.”

Her heart involuntarily squeezed at the thought of James feeling comfortable going to her father for advice. “Yeah, they were really going places. Headlining local venues, sending for record labels, lining up an independently run U.S. tour, until…” She paused, realizing she’d never spoken with anyone besides her dad and old band about his small stint in the music industry. Until me. “He’ll talk your ear off about the glory days if you’d let him.”

 “It’s neat that the two of you have so much in common… My parents always had to drag me to stuff about Brooke Diamond Cosmetics - Thank God that’s all over,” James nodded, slinging an arm around his girlfriend as they walked. Try as she might to contain her shivers, he could feel the involuntary shakes and goosebumps riddling her arm under his fingertips. “What did I tell you about being cold?!”

Roxy knew he was changing the subject so she wouldn’t ask any follow-up questions about his statement. In all the time they’d known each other, this was the first in which he’d willingly brought up the company his mother ran. Besides, the writer had only made the connection that he was the Brooke Diamond’s son during an interview on the band’s summer tour - If James had wanted her to know that sooner, he would’ve told her.

Just as he was interested to learn more about her past, she was curious about his, but decided not to push her luck as they traveled on to Cait’s. James would share when he was ready and that was perfectly fine with Roxy.

~

They hadn’t even been in the crowded, boiling basement for 10 minutes when a guy around James and Roxy’s age, dripping in metal spikes and heavy chains, came up to them, asking the latter if she was ever in a band because she looked “kinda, sorta, super familiar.” The show wasn’t even close to starting yet.

The writer shrugged him off, playing with the rim of the red Solo cup in her hand when she brought up Big Time Rush - knowing full well that wasn’t what he had meant by his question - and introduced him to James who was far more versed in interactions like these. Just as quickly as the guy had come to speak with them, he wrinkled his nose at the thought of meeting a member of a boy band and disappeared into the sea of people around them. 

Five minutes, and Roxy’s nervous downing of her drink later, someone else stopped by the couple and asked her the same question. Though she wanted them to stick around a bit and ask for a few tips on how they got their sharp-edged eyeliner to stand out so nicely against their dark eyeshadow, her response was the same as before, as was the individual’s when she brought up the pop band she wrote and composed for. 

James, bless his heart, looked a bit uncomfortable with the sheer amount of people packed into the small space and stuck close to her side as she navigated them as best she could around the small space. Despite pouring him a cup straight from the ice-bathing keg’s tap in the corner closest to the entrance, he had declined the drink - “Need to bike home, babe,” - and passed it off to the girl in line behind them.

Then, she asked Roxy if she’d been in a band as well.

Just the thought of anyone associating her with Brand New Day made her nauseous, so she used to boy band line again, and the young girl scurried off to her group of friends, shaking her head at them as if they’d all been wondering the same thing. 

Ignoring the slight shake in her fingers as she reached for her boyfriend’s hand, Roxy told herself she brushed off the questions only because Brand New Day was openly establishing themselves as a duo now that they’d moved to Hollywood and signed with Galactic Records. Telling someone she used to play with them might make her look like a liar, or worse, a delusional fan girl. 

Yup, that’s totally worse than being a liar, she decided, squeezing James’ hand for comfort while waving in and out through the mass of individuals to try and get to the center of the room. I never want to be associated with them again.

“We’ll be able to hear the best from here!” Roxy assured James as they’d reached the middle of the crowd, having to raise her voice over the noise level, even though she couldn’t see where Cait had set up the instruments over everyone standing in front of her. In her opinion, the only downfall to house shows was the absence of an elevated stage. “Think you’ll be able to see alright?” 

The question was inherently dumb; One look over the cramped space told her he was one of the tallest people there - excluding those who had used an insane amount of hairspray to hold up their hairdos and those in platform shoes. 

Instead of answering her question, James squeezed her hand back before warmly saying, “You’re famous.”

No question mark, no hesitation. Spoken as though it were the truest of facts.

Taking another sip of her drink, Roxy held it on her tongue for a moment, letting the pungent taste linger before swallowing while she considered his words. Then, the sickly feeling from before returned, heartbeat drumming uncomfortably in her chest, and her immediate reaction was to deflect his statement. “You’re the one in a boy band.”

“No one’s asked me if I was in a band tonight.”

“No one here listens to that kind of music.”

When James realized he wasn’t getting anywhere with this conversation, he sighed and shifted his attention forward to the non-existent stage, while his girlfriend realized how combative her words were coming off. Which, unfortunately, they were designed to be. Brand New Day was the last thing she’d wanted to think about at the show tonight, but he wasn’t asking to be a bother. She knew that, But this wasn’t the setting in which she wanted to have that conversation.

It had just been a long time since she’d considered her past in the Duluth music scene. She never handled the unwanted feelings about her old band members and stolen intellectual property well, as evidenced by the slightly mean tone she’d taken with him. 

Though she thought she was over it after she vowed to move on after her last encounter with Mag and Dani at AM LA, actions certainly spoke louder than words. 

 Roxy took another sip of her drink, starting to feel the beginnings of a buzz itch at the back of her brain. Way to go Rox, drive off the one guy you’ve managed to keep around...

Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, she felt James squeeze her hand again. “Did you play a lot of shows in places like this? How could you stand the distinct… skunky and sweaty smell?” 

Saying a silent prayer of thanks he had moved on from the previous line of questioning, Roxy felt her rapid breathing begin to slow.

“More than I could count. Dani’s basement was a bit bigger than this one, though, but most times we’d jump in on someone else’s show if we begged them hard enough,” She shared in earnest, trying to tell herself it wouldn’t be as bad to talk it out with someone she cared about. “Loved every moment of it, too.”

By now, she had finally worked up enough courage to glance up at her boyfriend in the low light, finding him raising an eyebrow at her comment. 

“Even the skunky and sweaty smell! Got used to it after a while… But you,” Roxy reached up and poked at his cheek with a loose giggle, “You’ve been venue spoiled. Free snacks and gifts, clean green rooms, crowds of thousands screaming your name… Lucky, lucky boy.”

“That I am,” James assured her, bending down to press a much-wanted kiss to her cheek to let her know everything was alright. “Sounds like you get free drinks at shows like these though. That’s not a perk of our job quite yet.”

Of course, his timing was perfect to when she went to take a sip of her drink, causing her to nearly spit out what little she had left as she snorted a bit of buzz-induced laughter. “Only if you’re friends with the homeowner or you’re incredibly cute. So both of us are in the clear tonight, superstar, because those jeans you’re wearing make me wanna-”

The distinct ringing of microphone feedback surged through her ears, immediately cutting her off from her train of thought as Under the Bleachers took their places at the front of the room and soon, it was replaced with the deep kick of the drum echoing in her chest, carrying over the second-hand speakers. Wasting no time, the band jumped straight into their first song, leaving her little choice but to pull her boyfriend down for a quick kiss against the beginnings of a guitar melody meant to promise there was much more in store for him later. 

~

Lucky for James, Roxy cashed in on her silent promise about halfway through the set when the ear-splittingly loud music had thoroughly rattled her brain and she had managed to finish off her second cup of beer. The room was warm, sure, but he’d wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer a few minutes ago, and the temperature prickling her skin reached inferno-like levels just from his touch. Be it the heightened state she had found herself in, the adrenalin rush of her first show in so long, or the fact Cait’s band wrote excellent make-out music, Roxy had dragged James out of the crowd to the back of the room and spent most of the set’s remaining time pressed up against the basement wall with her lips locked onto his. 

That was, until the most pit opened, of course.

When the show ended, she nearly cried, but allowed James to navigate them up the staircase and out into Cait’s backyard with everyone else, before eventually making it back out to the sidewalk and heading in the direction of her house. 

“Tonight was perfect!” She yelled without regard for the late hour, throwing her head and hands back as the sound echoed off the houses on the road they took. “Can you believe Under the Bleachers are so, so, so good? We should call Gustavo - He needs a girl band and they need a record contract! An album too, lots of albums. So many albums…”

The heat of the basement had almost made them forget the below-freezing temperature outside, but Roxy could hardly feel it as she twirled down the sidewalk, humming what she could remember of the songs they’d played. At some point, her boyfriend had given her his coat, but she didn’t remember when. 

When she almost hit a metal mailbox on the street with her hands, James poorly tried to conceal his smile as he caught her around the wrist and pulled her into his side, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Careful, crazy girl. I know you punks like to break stuff, but let’s keep the damages to a minimum.”

At his statement, she squeezed her eyes shut and stuck out her tongue, shaking her head at the notion. “Not a punk! Not even close!”

Roxy managed to pop one eye open and glance his way, noting the way his head tilted to the side, bottom lip stuck out. It made her giggle.

“Wanna know a secret?” She said, fully intending to whisper it in his ear, but she was too busy continuing to stare at his mouth to focus on her volume. The pair had split her last cup of lukewarm beer; The relaxation it brought had caused her newfound loose lips. “I just like the music, making me the world's biggest poser! I’m not connected to the culture at all; Not like Dad.”

Hand moving up and down on her arm to spark some heat, the perplexed look on James’ face remained. “You think? From what you said earlier it sounds like the two of you were in pretty similar situations. Playing the shows, writing the music, connecting with others around town… Sounds pretty punk to me.”

“He and his band wrote about real issues,” Roxy blurted out, still failing to find the balance between what she should and shouldn’t say. There had been a reason she’d needed to share her last cup with James - The looseness had traveled to whatever part of her brain filtered her speech. “Racism, religious conservatism, labor rights… Shit was bad and they were able to channel it into a musical act of protest. All I ever managed to write about was stupid, trivial teenage stuff to pair over a punky-sounding guitar riff. I still do that, just.. Poppy now.”

James didn’t say anything for a moment, and when she turned to look at him as they rounded the corner of her street, she swore she could see the gears turning in his head. “It’s all about self-expression, though, right?”

A good point - one she hadn’t been expecting him to make. In fact, that had been something she had neglected to realize all night, despite that being one of the core tenets of the genre. 

“Getting in touch with your emotions, writing them out, being brave enough to share them… That’s hard for a lot of people, Rox.” The hesitation in his voice made her feel as though he was speaking from experience, but she certainly wasn’t in a state to ask him. “Whether or not you think it’s punk is up to you, but I think it’s pretty extraordinary.”

There were only two times in her life Roxy could remember being rendered speechless - The first time her dad played her Definitely Maybe by Oasis and the first time she’d met Dak Zevon - and now, this was a conversation she could file away in that folder as well. He wasn’t known for always saying the right thing at the right time, but she internalized his words, playing them over and over in her mind as they approached her front door. While she did, her heart was pounding to the point of ache, almost as though it were attempting to break free from her chest and make a new home for itself in James’ hands. 

Just as she was figuring out how to respond, he continued with a crack of a smile, “Especially extraordinary when the song you write is about me! Perfect subject matter for my perfect songwriter.”

***

On her third day home, Roxy woke up with a raging headache. 

I should’ve listened to James… was her very first thought, muttering out a curse at her last-night self for not drinking the glass of water he had grabbed for her before he’d left to go home. Two and a half cups typically didn’t affect her, but it had been quite some time since her last show. 

Through sleep-blurred eyes, she blindly reached out to her bedside table, flailing her hand around to try and find the glass, but her hand managed to catch a small paper note instead. Pulling it close to her face, Roxy had to squint to make out her boyfriend’s beautiful script as she ignored the pounding in her brain. 

Hope you drank this - If not, you’re in for a fun day tomorrow.

Asked your dad to tape the afternoon episode of MacKenzie Falls so you wouldn’t miss it if you slept in btw. Not sure how he feels about you drinking, but he gave me the stink eye when I walked you in. Hope he doesn’t blame me.

Had a great time tonight, thanks for inviting me. Can’t wait til our next show.

XX Superstar

Though the note was sweet, she cringed at the silly nickname she’d given him before the show started. In her defense, she wasn’t thinking all that clearly, but someone who works with words for a living certainly should have been able to come up with something more eloquent than Superstar. 

Oh, well she told herself, before throwing the covers off her body, not realizing the rapid motion would only aggravate her headache more, and greedily chugging down the tall glass beside the note. I’ll feel better after a shower.

And she did, mostly, after she adjusted to the bright white lights of her bathroom, though the ache in her head was slowly starting to carry down her arms and legs as the bruises from last night’s mosh pit began to fully form on her skin, blotting in dark clusters of greens, blues, and purples. 

When Roxy caught the damage to her body in the large mirror, it should have worried her, but instead, she ran a few fingers over them, careful not to poke them any further, and smiled. The sign of a good show…

By the time she had dried her hair and picked out her warmest winter outfit to see if her dad wanted to go for a walk on his day off, her cell phone began to ring, buzzing about 20 times louder in her ears thanks to her headache. 

It was a struggle to run from her bathroom all the way to her bedside table to turn off the smooth guitar solo of “One of Those Nights” by the Eagles, meaning Kendall was waiting for her to pick up the phone. It had been tough to pick out a song for his ringtone, considering how he had almost zero music taste outside of his own band, but during their guitar lessons, he’d asked her how quickly he’d be able to play the tune currently traveling through her speakers, so “One of Those Nights” it was. 

Flopping back down onto her bed, Roxy pressed accept and brought the cell to her ear. “Hello?”

“Roxyyy!” Kendall called, and his assistant winced at the sheer volume of his excited tone. “Two questions: Guess who passed their driver's test? And did you bring your skates home with you?”

“Katie passed?” The girl deadpanned, letting his snort carry over the line before she responded, “And yes, I did. I figured I might get dragged back onto the ice at some point.”

“Well, I know you suck at skating. So, as a payment for all your guitar lessons, allow me to help show you how we hockey heads master the ice!”

“Dude! Not all of us were born with ice skates strapped to our feet! 

Roxy focused on the insulting part of his statement and could almost hear the Knight smirk crawling across his lips as he continued, “Exactly! Which is why you and I are taking advantage of Duluth’s finest frozen lake this afternoon.”

While that did sound like loads of fun, Roxy still had more questions about his plan than answers. “And what does this have to do with you getting your driver’s license again?”

“My mom’s taking our van downtown to hang out with some of her friends.”

“And?”

Kendall coughed. “And I was hoping… In celebration… That the world’s best songwriter-assistant would let me drive her ancient truck around town a bit before we hit the ice.”

“Why do the four of you think you can just drive my cars around whenever you want?”

“We can stop by the grocery store and I’ll buy you this month’s Pop Tiger.”

“Deal! See you in 20!” 

~

By the time Roxy had followed Kendall's texted instructions for how to get to his place from the main road, it was nearly too late for her to realize her beaten-up truck was almost out of gas. So, when the blond opened the driver's side door and his assistant slid over the bench seating to the passenger side, she was more than happy to pass Dynamo off. 

“Driving a car is a huge responsibility,” She told him jokingly, attempting to put on her most authoritative voice as her friend climbed behind the wheel, tossed his skates and two hockey sticks in the backseat, and adjusted the mirrors. “Taking care of the car is just as important as taking care of yourself. Making sure there’s wiper fluid, getting the oil changed every 3,000 miles, making sure there’s enough gas in the tank…” Rolling his eyes, Kendall was quick to combat her words with a “Yeah, yeah, Rox, I already know all that junk,” but she watched his eyes flicker down to the dashboard to check all the lights and gauges before putting the car into drive, narrowing. “You’re not getting anything but a magazine off me.”

“Isn’t it your mom who always preaches love and kindness and helping others whenever you can?” His assistant hummed against the stereo, observing the idyllic houses they passed by as they exited Kendall’s neighborhood. 

“Roxy-”

Without thinking, she immediately cut him off to pretend as though she was reading a sensationalized news headline in one of her favorite magazines, “Kendall Knight, international pop star, refuses to help Big Time Rush’s number one fan after she grants him a massive favor!”

There were a few seconds without a response, Roxy’s tape still spinning in the background, before Kendall sighed, “You’ve got to stop hanging out with Katie.”

“Now you don’t want your sister to have a talented, confident role model to look up to?” 

At the very least, that comment elicited a bit of laughter from her friend, who reluctantly turned the wheel to pull Dynamo into a gas station once they found themselves closer to town. “Talented? Undeniably. But confident…”

When she glanced over at him and noticed his raised brow once he’d parked in front of an open pump, she reached over the console and shoved him in the shoulder when she couldn’t hide her own grin, “I’m going to start charging you for guitar lessons, asshole.”

Dynamo’s ancient door screeched open. “Any chance I could get a friends and family discount?” 

The last thing Kendall heard before closing the door was a very loud snort, “You wish.”

~

Thirty minutes, and what she suspected was likely Kendall’s form of payback, later, Roxy was regretting her jokingly harsh words as she stood stranded in the middle of the large frozen lake he had taken her to. “I’m sorry! Hear me? I’m so sorry! Lessons are free for life! And I won’t complain when you don’t practice between sessions! And I’ll stop making you play songs only I like!”

As the blond whizzed by her, going so fast and getting so dangerously close to where she stood she almost slipped off her skates, he just cackled before skating off in a new direction, looping around, and doing it again. He was running circles around her, even managing to spray some ice her way and add to the chill creeping into her bones purely from being outside in the Minnesota winter, but still looked completely in his element. 

The only time she’d been to the ice rink with the boys had been after their exhausting battle with Mercedes Griffin to secure their spot as Rocque Records sole band after their demo tracks had been completed. Though it had been ages ago, and Roxy had spent most of her time attached to James while he helped her scoot around the rink, she remembered the high speeds at which her friends had sped around the arena as they played their own version of literal freeze tag. She could only imagine what they’d look like at a hockey game, weaving in and out between each other and their opponents, slapping the black rubber puck back and forth around the playing field.

While that sounded more like a nightmare to the writer, she could see the determination in Kendall’s narrowed eyes as he skated around, even if it was only to torture her, and the pure power it took to have even an iota of control over his direction, speed, and balance. Even without the pressure of a cheering audience, a stick in his hand, or the pounds of gear covering his body, she knew he was pushing himself to do his very best; The same look often appeared on his face during Big Time Rush’s dance practices. 

To Roxy’s credit, she wasn’t completely stuck either. Kendall had been kind enough to give her some basic pointers when it came to skating on a natural surface, so she didn’t have to spend the whole time clinging to his arm, but at the rate he was zooming around, she was worried if she moved, she’d find herself right in the middle of his path and collide into a big bloody mess. So, she resigned herself to bundle into her red puffer jacket and wait until he finished having his fun. 

Which he did after about a dozen more laps around his assistant. 

“Come here!” He called out to her, finally coming to a stop by the edge of the ice. It was close to where the pair had trailblazed through the small section of wood from the parking lot, so he had dropped the hockey sticks and puck he’d brought in the snow bank. 

Slowly but surely, Roxy managed to get herself over the rough, yet slippery surface without falling, and though she didn’t know a thing about playing ice hockey, she was happy for the small amount of stability the stick granted her once she took it from the blond. 

The writer watched as Kendall scooped the puck up from the powder it rested on and flicked his wrist, throwing it out over the ice like a frisbee before he took off after it, with the same determined look he had before. In a flash, he’d caught up to it and slapped it across the lake with a tight snap! before glancing back over his shoulder to see where Roxy had gone. 

“What’s the hold-up?”

Roxy blinked, still leaning on the stick in her grasp for support. “Uh… Am I supposed to be chasing it too?”

Throwing his arms up in exasperation, Kendall waved his stick above his head, “Obviously! This game isn’t fun with only one player.”

“It’s not much of a game when you’re leagues faster than me!” She protested, almost catching herself off balance when she tossed up the hand holding the stick. 

“Well, how else are you gonna get better?”

Ugh, she grumbled before tentatively pushing off her back leg, how am I supposed to dispute that? “Who the hell died and made you coach?”

Not her best rebuttal, but one that left her feeling satisfied all the same once she finally reached his side. 

In an instant, he took off after the puck again, and this time, she followed.

“Daniel Rogers, beginning of my sophomore year,” He quipped, though Roxy could barely hear him as the distance between them grew. “And not coach - captain!”

When he finally reached the puck across the way, he shot it back in Roxy’s direction, and she did her best to hit it right back. Unfortunately for her, however, she completely whiffed it, and while the puck sailed right past her, the sheer force she had attempted to put into her slapshot sent her tumbling to the ice. Had she not been so roughed up from the night before, it probably wouldn’t have hurt so much when she connected with the solid ground. 

The shock to her system ran straight from her backside and through her spine; Roxy sucked in a sharp breath of air. 

Seconds later he was by her side, hockey stick clattering to the ground as he hauled her off of the ice and back onto her feet like it was no big deal. “Jesus, Rox, take it easy!”

First, it’s “How else are you gonna get better?” Then it’s “Take it easy!” Familiar heat of embarrassment climbed up her body, and she hoped if Kendall noticed any splotches of red forming on her skin, he’d chalk it up to the frigidity of the weather. With a weak smile designed to mask her wince as she found her footing again, she joked, “Probably not a good idea to make me goalie, Captain.”

“Oh, I’d never dream of it, believe me,” He whistled, letting go of his grip around her arms once he was sure she’d be able to stand again. “Carlos Garcia is the best damn goalie this town has ever seen… There’s no one else I’d trust in front of the net. They don’t call him “Shutout Sensacional’ for nothing, you know.”

“They call him what?” Roxy giggled in response, half at the silly title and half at Kendall’s complete butchering of the Spanish term, though she certainly wanted to know more. “Do all of you get nicknames?” 

Grinning, Kendall began to skate toward the puck again, and this time, his assistant eagerly followed after him. Still not as fast, but at least the distance between them was respectable this time. 

“It doesn’t sound as cool when you put it like that,” He huffed, managing to shoot the puck back toward her, much slower this time so she actually had a chance at passing it back. “James is Pretty Boy for obvious reasons and Logan is ‘Tensie on account of how tense ‘e is and-”

When the blond cut himself off, Roxy assumed he was refraining from sharing his as she finally managed to rear her stick back and sent the puck flying his way, “Oh, yes! Did you see that?! I did it!” The smile lighting up Kendall’s face as he took off toward her poorly aimed pass made her light up equally as bright, “But that doesn’t mean you don’t tell me your nickname either, Captain!”

When he caught up to the puck, instead of shooting it her way, he kept it in his possession as he raced back toward her. His moves were similar to before, circling around her as quickly as he could, all while keeping the puck under the control of his stick. 

“Surrounded!” Kendall said between breaths as he went around again and again. 

Still coming down from her high of managing to get a pass in, Roxy chuckled at his actions, having half a mind to hold her stick out and catch him off guard if he wanted to keep annoying her. “I know I’m surrounded! Don’t wear yourself out there, Cap. I might be able to get the puck away from you after a few more circles…”

Kendall came to a dramatic stop, kicking up more flakes of ice with his skates as he turned his feet to angle the blades and threw up a peace sign with his free hand. “You misunderstand. Two words: Sir. Rounded.”

“Oh, a little knight pun. How adorable,” His assistant scrunched her nose up as she teased him. “Very clever use of your - two words - Sir. Name.”

Bringing his stick to hers with an annoying crack, Kendall signaled it was time to start up their game again by sticking out his tongue at her equally terrible pun. “Catch me if you can, Roxstar!”

As quickly as they could, Kendall and Roxy kicked off their back legs and staked off toward the puck, blades carrying them across the ice faster than ever before. 

Maybe Kendall’s right… I am getting better at this.

~

It took forever for Dynamo’s archaic heater to kick in once the singer and his assistant climbed back into the truck’s cab, placing their skating and hockey equipment in the backseat before peeling out of the parking lot and heading back toward town. 

“So, are we planning on picking up Shutout Sensacional, Pretty Boy, and ‘Tensie? We haven’t hung out together in a while,” Roxy asked, digging through the truck’s glove box to try and find a tape she wanted to play on their 20-minute journey. By “a while” she’d only meant a few days, but the five of them were so used to being around each other all the time, it was almost strange they hadn’t done something together in Duluth. 

Drumming his fingers along the cracked wheel, Kendall sighed, “Would you believe me if I told you I was a bit worn out? I’ve lost my stamina…”

“Boo hoo.” Popping a cassette into the player, Roxy turned the volume dial a few notches to the right. “It’s been a while since you’ve been on the ice, man, cut yourself some slack.”

“Oh, that reminds me! One of the guys on the MAHS team, Hawkins, is throwing a New Year’s get-together on Thursday. Think you’d wanna come?”

Taking in the gorgeous sight of the snow-covered pine trees on the side of the highway, Roxy tilted her head, “A normal get-together or a Big Time Rush get-together?”

“Definitely a Big Time Rush get-together; His parents are out of town,” He replied, which was just codeword for “party!”

Slowly, the writer nodded. “If he doesn’t mind the four of you taking a plus one, I’d be happy to come.”

He kept his eyes on the road, but Roxy could just imagine the sparkle mixed in with the foresty green of his irises at her answer. “Sick! All the guys are going to be so stoked to meet you.”

At that notion, Roxy felt her stomach flutter. James had learned plenty about her last night, voluntarily and involuntarily, and now it was her turn to get to know more about him through his friends at Mountain Aire. “It’ll be nice to meet some of the people I was supposed to go to high school with,” she mused. “I didn’t really get to know anyone during my first few weeks there.”

“Everyone on the team is super chill for a bunch of guys that play a pretty violent sport. They’ll be sure to tell you all the embarrassing stories about the four of us they can.”

“Thank God. You boys all tell the same stories over and over again. I’ll be glad to get some new ones to make fun of you for…”

Kendall scoffed before reaching out and poking her in the arm, “If you dish it, you better be prepared to take it!”

In response, Roxy blew a raspberry. “You have to be nice to me or I’ll stop writing your songs!”

“Oh, whatever!” The blond huffed over the soft music. “You’d never do that.”

“Yeah… You’re right. Never, ever,” She giggled back, realizing she may have threatened that one too many times now for it to hold any weight. 

By the time the pair made it back into town, the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, painting the road ahead in a soft golden glow. It was hard to imagine they’d been out for most of the day, but the aches beginning to set into Roxy’s legs certainly reminded her of the time they’d spent on the ice. While fun, skating was cruelly physically demanding.

No wonder they can dance around on stage for hours and make it look easy… Roxy got winded just thinking about it. 

After a quick stop at the Sherwood to pick up her promised magazine, and an unpleasant encounter with Kendall’s old boss who practically begged him to take the night shift, the pair pulled up to the Knight’s abode. Grabbing the stuff from the back seat, the frontman reluctantly slid out of the driver’s seat and out onto the street while his assistant took her rightful place behind the wheel.

While waiting for him to enter his house before driving off, Kendall was cut off on the small section of cleared sidewalk by his little sister, dashing in the direction of Roxy’s car. 

“Roxy, Roxy, Roxy! I need you to take me somewhere!” Small cross-body purse slung across one shoulder, Katie Knight tore down the path and into Dynamo’s passenger seat so swiftly it made the writer’s head spin. 

Are all of the Knights that fast?

When Roxy didn’t respond quickly enough, Katie poked her in the arm, “Please? Please?”

Whatever it was, it must have been urgent. Katie usually avoided begging whenever possible, often choosing more surefire ways of getting what she wanted, like blackmail. 

When she looked beyond the young girl, to Kendall through the window for some sort of answer, he just shrugged, then trudged back into the house before closing the front door. 

“Uh, does your mom know you’re going out? It’s kinda late, Katie,” Roxy cautiously asked. She had no issue taking the young Knight anywhere she wanted to go, but Mrs. Knight was quite strict when it came to her kids and their curfews. Hell, Mrs. Knight thought Katie still needed a babysitter; There was no way she would cool with her daughter taking off at this time of day. 

Katie and her brother rolled their eyes in the exact same annoying way, “Mom’s still out with her friends. She won’t get mad at you and she won’t get mad at me… Unless I get caught.”

Gripping the steering wheel, Roxy narrowed her eyes. 

“And I’ll buy you the new edition of Pop Tiger!” 

“Oh,” The writer loudly sucked in a breath to bug the girl sitting beside her. “Your brother beat you to it. It’s a good edition too - Joe Jonas mini-mag inside and everything, so don’t tell James! He’ll try and steal it from me.”

“Please?” Katie tried again, and the older girl made the mistake of glancing her way.

She knew better than to fall victim to the girl’s puppy dog eyes, but as Katie stared her down and puffed out an equally sad pout, Roxy felt utterly horrible for protesting. Big brown teary eyes and a quivering bottom lip really got to her, and Katie was certainly using that to her advantage; Even reaching out to the stereo’s controls and switching the music from one of the cassettes to a classical music channel that just happened to be playing a sad symphony. 

That was the one thing that didn’t fly with Roxy, “Fine! Just leave my radio alone!” 

Next to her, Katie hissed out a “Yes!” while eagerly clipping her seatbelt in, beaming, as the writer switched the settings back to how she liked them. 

“Where to then?” Asked the driver, feeling a bit like a chauffeur, placing the car into drive. 

Picking up her purse, Katie shook it, making what sounded like a large collection of coins inside clank together. “The arcade!”

***

Tucked away on an old, pothole-ridden side street in Downtown Duluth, the retro Lunarcade had been in operation for as long as the writer could remember. While she’d only been a handful of times with her father, and once at the end of the last year for a birthday party Dani had thrown, it always looked and sounded exactly the same. 

Rows upon rows of aged video games filled the small hole-in-the-wall, flashing bright colors and releasing attention-grabbing sounds to try and draw in anyone who walked by. Newer games toward the front, older games toward the back, and a row of pinball machines right down the middle. 

“This place hasn’t changed a bit,” Roxy thought out loud, finding it difficult to hear the thoughts in her head against the chatter of patrons, the pop station playing on the speakers overhead, and the sounds from the machines. Examining the space to try and remember where her favorite games were, she narrowly missed Katie darting off between the rows as if she were a bat out of hell. 

The writer was a bit taken aback, I’m not that unpleasant to be around… Am I? before resigning to the fact that when she was Katie’s age, she also never wanted to be around her father whenever they went places together. Being right on the cusp of her teenage years while not quite able to be independent quite yet was probably hard enough for the young girl, so Roxy let it go, digging around in her mini backpack to try and find her wallet. 

Of the few bills she had, she headed to the counter to break them and was greeted by a nice, young woman who happily gave her a small plastic cup full of quarters in exchange. 

Soon enough, the writer was lost in a world of pixelated graphics, joysticks, and button mashing as she roamed up and down the aisles, stopping at whatever machines caught her eye. The narrow pathways were almost impossible to traverse, especially when multiple people crowded around a machine, but she managed well enough, expecting to bump into Kaite at some point. 

While not much of a game player herself, she still had some fun, especially on a handful of the older machines she and her dad used to play when she was younger. She had even passed a few she remembered playing with Mag and Dani, stopping at her favorite, Space Invaders. Last time she was here, she’d set the high score and had been met with an eruption of celebration from her friends but now, as she popped her quarters into the coin slot, all she received was the game’s soundtrack.

Thirty seconds later, her character was dead, and she let out a displeased grumble. Not only was she out of practice, but when the score screen flashed by, she noticed ROX was nowhere to be found in the top ten. 

Another handful of quarters and she performed better this time around, but still nowhere good enough to put her name up on the board with her Space Invaders-loving peers.

So there she stayed, until her quarter well ran dry, and she nearly kicked the leg of the machine out of frustration. 

Maybe it’s time to back off… She cautioned herself, resigning to pull away from the restored rectangular machine and weave through the aisles to the snack counter for a consolation prize. Some M&M’s or a Peppy Cola should cheer me up…

As she rounded the corner, she accidentally bumped into a kid holding two canned sodas and managed to save one she knocked out of his hand from falling to the ground.

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” She told him, making sure he was balanced again before handing the cold can back over. “Are you alright?”

In response, the boy just smiled, running a hand through his dirty blond hair before taking the can back. “Yeah, all good. How about you, Miss?”

“All good,” Roxy parroted, waving one hand to show it was no big deal. “The pop should be alright, but if it explodes when you open it, come and find me. I’ll get you something else.”

As he opened his mouth to respond, someone cut him off. “Ray? What’s the hold-up?”

From one of the rows leading to the snack bar, a familiar voice called out to the boy Roxy presumed she was talking to. When she looked up from the boy in front of her, she and Katie locked eyes, and the young girl turned as white as a ghost - Save for the red forming on her already rosy cheeks.

No way…

Ray looked over his shoulder, a wicked grin forming on his face, “Hey! Sorry. I just bumped into this lady here. If you shake up the can before you open it, she said she’ll buy you a second one.”

“That’s not-”

Before Roxy could get another word out, Katie grabbed his arm and pulled him back into the many, many rows of the arcade, presumably hoping to get lost among the flashing lights and sounds again. 

Forgetting her own quest for a snack, Roxy’s hand immediately flew to her back pocket, whipping out her phone and pressing the first number on her speed dial. 

When the dial tone connected, she didn’t even wait for a greeting before she exploded over the receiver, “James, you are never going to believe what’s happening to me right now!”

His garbled, “What?” came through the speaker. “Is everything alright?”

“I think I just took Katie out on her first date!”

~

The car ride home was eerily silent, with neither Katie nor Roxy saying anything at all. No one even bothered to turn the radio on.

While she turned off the side street and back onto the main road, Roxy glanced over to Katie and tried to hide the obnoxious smile that had practically been plastered on her face since her realization Katie might have been on a date. There was nothing on Earth she wanted to talk about more at this moment; How they’d met, who asked who out, what she liked about him… On the other hand, it was clear Katie wanted to talk about anything else, based on the way she gripped her seatbelt until her knuckles were white and stared out the window. 

It was oddly reminiscent of the conversation she and her father had while on their road trip, except now the roles were reversed. Roxy made a mental note to apologize to her dad again later. 

After a few more minutes of speechless agony, Roxy decided to break the silence. “I’m not going to ask you about it if you don’t want to talk about it…”

No response from Katie, just another thousand-yard stare out the window. 

“...But I promise if you do, I won't tell your brother anything. That’s kind of a central tenet of girl code.” 

The mention of Kendall seemed to make the girl tense up again, so Roxy decided to drop the subject entirely. If her words were going to do more harm than good, the least she could do was shut up for the remainder of the ride. 

With a soft clearing of her throat, Roxy switched the stereo on as she navigated back to the Knight’s residence. “What Goes Around…/…Comes Around (Interlude)” by Justin Timberlake surrounded them and the writer eagerly hummed along.

Not even halfway through the song, her passenger reached out and switched it off - which still annoyed the shit out of Roxy - before letting out a large sigh. 

“How did you know you liked James?” 

The driver blinked, the question catching her off guard, and she glanced over to see Katie looking back at her with wide eyes. She’d never been this vulnerable with her before, normally all of Katie’s questions were about the entertainment industry or asking if Roxy wanted a new manager in six years.

As she thought back to the beginnings of her relationship, a bit of heat licked up her spine. Was it embarrassing? Sure, but Katie had asked in such earnest, that it would be wrong of her not to share.

“Well…” Roxy began, struggling to put her feelings into words. “I realized I liked him when we flew back out to Los Angeles together. He was so determined to make his dream a reality, which was inspiring in itself, but he was also very adamant that I was along for the ride with him.”

From the corner of her eye, she noticed Katie nodding, but the young girl didn’t say anything, so she continued on. 

“He took care of me on the flight over, he comforted me the first night in our apartment, he stood up for me at Hawk Records… And when we reunited with the other guys at Rocque Records he was just so happy. When I saw his smiling face it just… clicked. But, honestly, I think it took me quite some time to figure that out. Maybe… I’d liked him since the night of the dance, but I was too stubborn to let myself realize it.” 

More nods, but at least Katie had uncrossed her arms. 

“And, he’s not too bad on the eyes…” Roxy joked, reaching over to elbow her friend when she finally snorted out a laugh. “Whenever we’re in a room together it’s like we gravitate toward each other. And, God, Katie, he makes me laugh all the time, and my heart beat at a million miles an hour, and when we kiss-”

“Alright! Enough! Enough!” Katie cried as her hands flew to cover her ears, sticking her tongue out in disgust followed by an overexaggerated “Blegh!”

Her reaction made the writer crack up so hard that she nearly missed the turn into the neighborhood, whipping Dynamo around the corner far faster than he was built for. 

“You asked!” She protested, just to bug Katie again. “But in all seriousness… It’s hard to describe - I just know that I do. I can’t imagine my life without him. I don’t want to imagine my life without him.”

That statement was followed by more silence, and Roxy feared she may have gone a bit too far with her answer, until Katie shifted around in her seat, playing with the zipper on her purse. “I don’t think I like Ray like that.”

“And that’s perfectly fine! That’s what dates are for, to give you time to figure it out.”

“If he asks me out again, what do I say?” This question was asked in a far less confident manner. 

Just as they pulled up to the Knight’s, Roxy put the car into park and turned to face the girl, “You tell him the truth. That you had fun today, but you’re just not interested in him like that. If he cares about you, he’ll understand.”

“And if he doesn’t?” 

Roxy’s heart sank at the thought, but she played it off as best she could with a smile, “Then you call me or your brother and we’ll wrangle the other three up. That goes for anyone who doesn’t give you the respect you deserve, okay?” 

“Okay!” Katie agreed, finally seeming as though she was getting back to being her normal self. When she nudged the door open, she stepped out and turned back to Roxy, “...Thanks,” and shut it before the driver got a chance to respond. 

“No problem,” Roxy chuckled to herself as she waited for Katie to get in the front door. Her drive home was also absent of music, but only because she was too busy thinking about James and all the reasons she loved being with him to notice. 

***

When she got home, her dad had dinner on the table and the two shared a lovely meal as they recapped their days. By the time they’d finished, Declan migrated to the living room and flipped on a TV movie to watch before promptly falling asleep fifteen minutes in like he usually did. The only thing he ever managed to stay awake for these days was football. 

Taking a spare blanket from their linen closet, Roxy draped it over him before turning the appliance and lights off before heading to her room for the remainder of the night. 

Once she finished cleaning up and changing into the PJs the boys had bought her, she noticed a collection of text messages on her phone’s home screen from Jo and Camille. 

J: Free soon? Miss you both and want to talk

C: yes! give me five to get away from this hectic house and I’ll set up a conference

J: Yesss! 

J: Roxy? Yoo hoo?

C: probably too busy macking on her boyfriend…

R: HEY!

R: AM NOT!

R: EVEN IF I’D REALLY LIKE TO BE!

J: BWAHAHAH

R: But yes! I’m free! Call!!!!

A minute later Camille’s ringtone, Beyoncé’s “Crazy In Love,” came through her phone’s speakers and the pair exchanged an excited greeting. They only paused their chatter for a moment while the actress added Jo to the line and waited for her to pick up, only for their greetings to repeat. 

All three of them were buzzing with information to share about their respective trips; So many things had happened over the last few days that were just too difficult to convey over a text message. 

Jo and Camille elected Roxy to go first, mostly because they wanted to hear about Kendall and Logan. While Roxy hadn’t heard much from her studious friend since he’d landed back home, she was happy to share about their chaotic Christmas saga, her date with James, her skate session with Kendall, and most importantly, Katie’s date. 

“...So yeah, we might have to give her the dating talk when we all get back to Hollywood. Only if she brings it up again! It seemed like it was hard for her to talk about,” Roxy concluded, as she cradled her phone between her cheek and shoulder, filing her nails. She was long overdue for a manicure. “Which color should I go with? Blue or yellow?”

“Blue!” Jo answered at the same time Camille responded, “Yellow!”

The three erupted in a fit of giggles. 

“We’ll keep a lookout for guys her age at our auditions, won’t we Jo?” The ravenette asked.

“Duh! I’m pretty sure there’s a guy on the fifth floor she plays video games with, too. Kendall was pretty suspicious but I managed to convince him otherwise… As Roxy began to apply the first coat of paint, alternating colors on each finger, Camille went next. Her holiday had been chaotic as well, but purely because of the sheer amount of people her family had decided to house in New Windsor, Connecticut. On top of Camille, her parents, and five brothers, they had three additional guests in the five-bedroom home which made it virtually impossible for anyone to get any peace and quiet. 

“Things are dying down, so it’s not all that bad. Gabriel and his husband are leaving tomorrow, so we’ll be down two. My mom almost had a fit though - crying about how she never gets to see them.”

Camille’s oldest brother and his husband lived in upstate New York, both plastic surgeons with busy, busy schedules. She had said it was a miracle they’d even been able to get a few days off to come down and visit. 

“Elliott, Claude, and their roommates Roshan and Asa are staying until January like me. Even that was a lot for her to take in. She’s acting like we’ve already left! I have no idea what she does while we’re all gone but I know it drives Jules and Jean-Luc crazy.”

Elliott and Claude, twins, and their roommates had come home from college to spend the break together. Jules, only a year older than Camille, was finishing up his last year of high school before joining his brothers at Northeastern University. Jean-Luc was in the transitional stage between graduating and trying to find his first career-oriented job, so he was often around the most to see to Camille’s mother while she and her father were away in Hollywood. 

It was hard to process all of this while Camille was talking. Each time she threw out a new name, Roxy had to go through her mental list and recall everything she had shared about them over the course of their friendship. While it was rare she talked about her family, what she did share was chock-full of information about each and every member. 

“And you’ll never believe this…” Camille continued in a hush, as Jo and Roxy both let out a teasing, “Ooh!”

The writer could imagine the blush forming on her friend’s porcelain cheeks; Judging by her tone, this was a voice she only brought out when talking about Logan, so maybe something had developed on that front after their abrupt break up in October. 

“Roshan asked if I wanted to go to a New Year’s party with him and I think I might say yes. I’ve been waiting for Logan to forgive me for so long… I don’t know-”

On the other line, Jo squealed, “Camille! If you want to go, just go! It’s only a party. With college guys!”

Roxy was still frozen mid-stroke, undoubtedly overloading her ring finger with far too much of the electric blue polish she had found in her bathroom. Oh, God. What’s Logan going to think… 

“Yeah!” She chimed in, trying to sound as excited as Jo. “Sounds super low-stakes and you can get to know him better.”

Maybe some part of her was hoping she and Logan would get back together, but Camille was right, it wasn’t up to her at all. Logan was still working through what had happened between them, which was perfectly understandable, but she also knew how Camille was bouncing from one thing to the next. Being stationary for too long made her anxious, hence her penchant for jumping from different types of creative projects to another. If she was tired of waiting for him to make his decision, of course she was thinking of moving on. 

“Like I said, I don’t know… It feels a bit quick, but I still have a bit to decide. I’ll keep you both updated, though… And that’s all for my turn, you next, Jo!”

Camille, spotlight lover, wasn’t always quick to turn the conversation away from herself, which told Roxy she was still a bit anxious about her decision, even if she was only in the beginning stages of making it. 

By the silence on the other line, she could tell Jo sensed it too, but soon enough, she began to report on her time in North Carolina. 

Like she had predicted, being back home was a mess. Between seeing her estranged mother and sister, which she was dreading, it was even worse because they’d brought along her mother’s new boyfriend. “Who brings a guy you just met to a family holiday?!” But, she was more than ecstatic to see her grandmother and said they’d spent the majority of their time together. Not only had she learned a new cookie recipe she was dying to make for her friends, but she and her grandma were learning to knit together. 

“It’s a bit old lady for me, but I’m making a beanie for Kendall… I hope he likes it.”

“Of course he will, he practically lives in them!” Roxy cut in, finally moving onto her second coat after saving what she could of her ring finger. “Especially if you hand make it… Are you kidding me? So romantic!”

Hearing Camille’s laugh after nothing from her line the last few minutes was comforting. “He’s at the ice rink, like, all the time, right? That’s a perfect gift!”

“Ugh, I hope so. I’ve been so stressed making it, I just want it to be perfect. All this time away from him is making me realize how much he means to me…” There was a long, noticeable pause on her end, but neither girl cut in. “I think I love him.”

Camille and Roxy screamed. So loud, it wouldn’t have shocked any of them if the sound waves had traveled all the way to Marion, North Carolina from Duluth and New Haven without the use of a telephone. 

Heart pounding at her friend’s confession, Roxy’s chest felt like a balloon had swelled inside. “Love?!” She cried. “My best friend is in love?!”

“She’s in love!” Camille confirmed, “Lovely, lovely, love!”

It sounded like Jo was about to add something on, when the sound of Roxy’s bedroom door flying open interrupted, and her half-asleep father stood in the doorway, blanket halfway on the ground, with a baseball bat. “Wha-?”

Of course, he hadn’t meant to scare her, but he most certainly did, and the bottle of pale yellow polish dropped from her hand and all over her floral-covered duvet.

“Dad!” She yelled, heart now pounding from excitement and fear, but she couldn’t care less about the mess she’d made. “Jo’s in love! She loves Kendall!” 

“I think!” The blonde added on, but it was mostly drowned out by Camille’s never-ending hoots and hollers. 

“Oh,” was all her dad managed, setting the bat down in the hallway once he determined his daughter was okay and tugging the blanket back over his shoulders. Declan raked a hand through his long hair. “Alright then, congratulations, darling.”

For a moment, he stood there and rubbed his eyes, before reaching out and blowing Roxy a kiss, closing her door again. Jo let out an intelligible sound from her end of the line and Roxy promised, “He’s the only person I’ll tell! I swear!” 

“And you!” Called Camille, and all three of them knew she was speaking directly to Jo. “You better tell him when you give him the beanie!” 

“No promises!” Jo bit back, and Roxy imagined the grin taking up her beautiful features. “But… That does seem like the best time to tell him.” 

***

Hardly able to sleep after learning such valuable information from her best friends, Roxy was tossing and turning all night thinking about Jo’s confession. How lucky she was to be experiencing such a euphoric feeling, one she could not only put into words but felt as though she needed to share with her partner. 

One day, I’ll feel like that too. Just the thought of it made her giddy. 

It was a bit of a shock when her phone rang early in the morning again, the opening chords to “The Scientist” by Coldplay this time, signaling something was up with Logan. 

When she answered, her voice was a bit groggy from sleep, but she did her best to put on a cheery tone. 

Turns out, Logan wanted to go shopping, citing a major sale at the Duluth mall, but he didn’t want to go alone. “I’ll drive and everything, my mother is off work and said we can take her car if you’d like.”

Sale at the mall? Roxy didn’t need to be asked twice before she hopped out of bed and pulled something on, meeting her friend outside about fifteen minutes later. 

Logan’s mother’s car was a far nicer ride than Dynamo was, which was to be said about most vehicles, but for her first time in a BMW, she was thoroughly enjoying it. No blown-out speakers, peeling leather seats, cracked windshields, or broken gauges, just pure luxury in the passenger seat as Logan flew down the open road. 

He was a much more reserved driver in Los Angeles, probably due to the sheer amount of other crazy drivers in the area, but back home, he was quite the speed demon. Maybe it was the rap station on the radio inspiring him or maybe he was more comfortable with the city’s roads, but they’d made it to the mall far quicker than she ever would have. 

Gotta love an after-holiday sale… She thought as he pulled her through the parking lot and into the first department store that caught his eye. 

The shopping trip had honestly lasted a lot longer than she’d expected; She felt a bit bad they hadn’t invited James along with them either. Apparently, Logan had accumulated quite the chunk of Christmas cash from his relatives and had decided to revamp his wardrobe.

And by “revamp” he mostly meant refresh - The sweaters and cardigans he already owned were getting rotated out for fresh new ones in the same neutral tones he loved. How he could wear these during the Los Angeles summer, she never understood, but that was what he preferred, so no one questioned him differently. However, she was able to convince him to let her pick an outfit out for him, something out of his ordinary closet with more of a “cool” vibe. 

Black leather jacket, a nice pair of shades, some tight jeans…

As they passed by rack after rack, sometimes Roxy would stop and pick something up as well, but her clothing choices were more appropriate for the California heat. James’ words from the other night stuck with her, so he was mostly making sure her items appropriately showed off her legs in a way that still made her feel confident and beautiful, while also potentially riling him up a bit. 

They even had what felt like a silly teen movie montage, trying on all of their outfits one by one in the dressing room and coming out to show the other to get opinions or change pieces out for ones that fit them better. 

By the time they’d covered almost the entire mall front to back, each of them was sufficiently shopped out and stopped by the food court for a little snack - What was a trip to the mall without some pretzels? - before hopping back in the BMW and heading back to their corner of town. 

“My moms are dying to see you again,” He confessed to her, never taking his eyes off the road, over the Dr. Dre track playing in the background. “Humor them and come over for dinner?”

Roxy wasn’t aware she had made such an impact on them back at their Duluth Big Time Rush show, considering she’d been a bit too preoccupied with James on her mind to really feel as though she was present in the moment. Both Sabina and Joanna mostly kept to themselves, but if she recalled they had a brief conversation about how well Logan was doing in Hollywood. They cared for him so much, and it was evident to the girl after one conversation with them, so there wasn’t any point in not stopping by to see them again. 

“Yeah, sure! That sounds wonderful,” She told him, watching as they passed the road into her neighborhood and down a few blocks to his. 

Logan beamed, tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the song, “Mom’s at work showing a house right now, but Mother has the afternoon off, which is rare. It feels like the hospital always needs her…”

The last time she’d been in Duluth, she’d brought up how strange it was for all five of them to live so close to each other, but never have met until their audition to James, and as they turned into Logan’s street, that statement felt even more true than before. He was probably a ten-minute walk from her, but state boundary lines had zoned her for a different high school. 

My life would certainly be much different had I met them earlier, Roxy concluded, though she wasn’t quite sure how. Maybe they’ve saved me from my terrible band and we would’ve started our own sooner…

She didn’t have much more time to consider it, because when they pulled up to Logan’s house, Roxy’s jaw visibly dropped. 

Mansion was a more accurate description of the sprawling two-story abode they pulled into the driveway of, opening one of two garages for Logan to park the BMW in. It was nearly impossible for her to get a good look at the entire home; the bright white paneling from ground to roof was so clean it was blinding and stood out gorgeously against the black and tan wood accents around the doors and windows. Of the other mansion she’d been to in her life, she’d already preferred this one’s modern style of architecture to the Spanish style of Gustavo’s. 

Of course, to Logan, this was a sight he’d seen millions of times, so when he popped open the car door and motioned toward the door that would lead them inside, he forgot to let Roxy take a moment to process. 

“Wow,” She breathed, finally managing to join him in the spacious garage, then the laundry room attached, and finally into the open kitchen space. “It must’ve sucked to move into the Palm Woods…”

The way her voice echoed off the high ceilings startled her, as she turned in place to take the impressive space in. 

“What do you mean?” He asked her, cocking his head while he opened the fridge to grab two cans of soda. “I get to live with my best friends… What more could I ever want?” 

Ugh, he’s so sweet, Roxy thought, following her friend into the living room and down a large hallway, before he stopped at a closed door and knocked a few times. Maybe your own room, or a gigantic kitchen, or a sweet ride-

“Come in!” came a cheery voice from inside, and the boy managed to press down on the handle despite both of his hands being full. 

When the pair stepped in, bookshelf after bookshelf surrounded them, completely covering the space from floor to ceiling - save the section towards the outside of the house and its massive bay window. 

What Roxy would give to curl up in James’ lap and read a book in the warm, shining sun…

“Hey, I’m home!” He called out among the shelves, peering down each long column they passed, “Brought a friend.”

“Hi!” Roxy tentatively called out as well, thinking it might be rude if she didn’t announce her presence right then and there. 

There was the sound of shuffling feet, and a few rows down, Sabina popped her head around one of the shelves, blazing blue eyes sparking the minute she laid eyes on her son. “Logie-Bear! You brought Roxanne!” 

“Don’t act like you’re more excited to see her than me…” He trailed off, speeding over to trap her in a hug. The way he buried his head in the crook of his mother’s neck was likely to hide his embarrassment from the silly nickname.

It was a bit of an awkward embrace, considering his full hands, and the giant medical textbook Sabina was attempting to keep her place in, but they made it work in their own strange way. 

“Thanks for having me,” The writer blurted out. It had been a long, long time since she’d been invited over to someone’s house. “You have such a lovely home.”

“That’s what a life of hard work and dedication will get ya!” Sabina winked, taking her arm from around Logan’s shoulders and pulling Roxy into a hug as well. “Both of you are right on track for that, huh?” 

Is she talking about being in a band? Or Logan being a doctor? 

Both kids nodded, watching as the woman tucked an old Polaroid photo of her, her wife, and Logan on her page then set her book back onto the nearest shelf, making sure the volume she was reading was in the correct numeral spot. The dark tan binding blended almost perfectly with her tan skin. “How does butter chicken sound for dinner? Your mom told me she was craving it earlier.”

As a guest, Roxy had no say in whatever was being made, she was simply along for the ride. Logan’s eyes widened in response, and his nodding from before grew more invigorated; A good sign if Roxy’d ever seen one. 

“Is there anything I can do to help?” She offered, now following Sabina and Logan from the library back to the kitchen, knowing her culinary skills weren’t as impressive as they could be.

Almost drowned out by the sound of her heels clicking on the tile floors, Sabina smiled over her shoulder, “Aren’t you just a doll for asking?! How about you and Logie go fetch some vegetables from the garden? I just know the two of you will make a wonderful salad…”

The garden? One almost completely covered in snow?

Logan must’ve seen the confusion written all over his friend’s face, so he wordlessly set the sodas he had grabbed down on the kitchen counter and looped his arm through Roxy’s, leading her away from the kitchen and through another long hallway. When they came upon two large glass doors, showing a breathtaking winter landscape in the backyard, she dug her heels into the ground. 

“You’re crazy if you think I’m going out there without my big coat! I’m all Los Angeles acclimatized now!”

“Roxy, I promise you can handle, like, thirty seconds in the cold.” 

He didn’t wait for her reply, simply opening the door and tugging her through, and leading down a nicely shoveled cobblestone path to the side of the white home. All the while, she huddled into him, trying to steal as much of his body heat as physically possible - Though she almost missed the immaculately manicured bushes and pine trees covered in a light dusting of last night’s snow. 

Out over the large expanse of yard he showed her through, she noticed a small, frozen river running along what she assumed was the back line of the property that separated off into a large section of woods. No fence surrounding everything suggested they weren’t too worried about animals coming through and stealing their food. As they rounded the corner, she noticed some neglected-looking patio furniture, probably all soaking wet and frozen cushions, and some flower pots, completely empty. 

If the flower pots are empty- 

“Here we are!” Logan announced, and Roxy turned from where she was looking to take note of a medium-sized structure, constructed floor to ceiling with transparent, fogged glass panes. A door in the center opened as he pushed in on it, and soon enough the pair were out of the winter weather and back into something that felt a lot more like Hollywood than she’d ever expected in the Midwest. 

In front of them, four carefully constructed rows of soil were dug in the ground, running straight back from where they stood. Various gardening supplies, and the overwhelming smell of manure, surrounded Roxy and Logan as they searched the personal greenhouse for the necessary ingredients. 

“I think lettuce is over there…” Logan vaguely pointed off to the right, and Roxy followed his directions and took the farthest row to search, more than happy to spend as much time in the cozy, warm space as possible. “And tomatoes and cucumbers should be over here…” Taking off in the opposite direction. 

None of the plants were labeled, and she certainly didn’t have any gardening experience, so she gently lifted large leaves to see if they were bearing any other vegetables she thought might go well in a salad, before realizing she had no idea what lettuce looked like if it wasn’t sitting on the shelf in a grocery store. 

Thankfully, however, she happened upon a green, leafy plant she was 90% sure was a head of lettuce and squatted down to attempt to harvest it. Just as she reached out, she heard a soft mrow, and a jet-black cat with the biggest green eyes she’d ever seen sauntered through the vegetation and rubbed up against her outstretched hand. 

Like the greenhouse, the cat was warm against her skin, eagerly awaiting for her to continue petting its soft fur as if it were trying to capture all of her attention.  

“Uh, Logan?” She hesitantly called, but it seemed as though he was already making his way over to her with the tomato and cucumber he had been looking for. 

“Hm?” He mumbled, preoccupied with the food in his hands before the cat let out another mrow. “Hippocrates?” 

From where she squatted on the floor, still petting the gorgeous cat, she looked up and cocked an eyebrow at him. 

“What? He’s the father of medicine!”

Roxy just let out a chuckle in response, deciding to sit down on the least dusty part of the cobblestone path lining and coax Hippocrates over with a “Psst, psst, psst!”

Soon enough, the salad ingredients were all but forgotten when the animal settled down between her crossed legs, batting up at the fingers she dangled over him. “You never mentioned you had a cat! And such a cutie-patootie one at that!” 

The boy just rolled his eyes at her baby talk as they continued to play together. 

“Such a pretty kitty! Pretty kitty!” Roxy continued, now tickling his soft belly as he continued to play with her other hand. “With your fur so black it’s almost blue? You remind me of-”

Immediately she snapped her mouth shut, eyes widening, before she managed to say Camille’s name. It was not smooth in the slightest, and she noticed the way Logan temporarily froze while he was working on getting the head of lettuce off the underground stalk. 

Before she got the chance to apologize, the boy cleared his throat and got back to work, speaking in a hushed tone, “You can say ‘Camille.’ It’s not like some magic spell that’ll ward me off or something.”

“Ah… Then you’re far better than me. I still cringe whenever I hear Dak’s name,” Roxy responded, after giving Hippocrates some more tummy tickles to combat the turning of her stomach. “Even saying it just then made me feel nauseous.”  

“So, you’re telling me it won’t get better? At all? Rox, it’s been months since you and Dak broke up.”

“If you can even call what we had a relationship…” The writer chuckled. 

Is it me or is the greenhouse getting hotter?

Shifting uncomfortably, she hoped that would be the end of the conversation as Logan continued hacking away at the lettuce with the small tool he held in his hand. 

“She and I weren’t together much longer. Well, not officially.” 

“You two always did have that infuriating ‘will-they, won’t they’ thing going on.” 

“Oh, you’re one to talk!” He jokingly spit back, before removing the leafy greens and moving to sit beside her, reaching over to give Hippocrates a few scratches on the head. “Whatever you and James were doing was so much worse.”

Doing her best not to disturb the cat in her lap, Roxy shoved her shoulder into Logan’s with a shy smile. “That’s not the point of this conversation. If you’re asking me how I got over being cheated on, just go ahead and ask.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re over it to me…” Logan said, shoving his shoulder back into hers and startling Hippocrates to his feet. In a flash, he took off between the leaves again, off to find another warm corner of the greenhouse to curl up in. 

Roxy let out an offended gasp, “Of course I am! I wrote a song about it, made a lot of money, got to perform it at every show, and I have a super ultra-hot boyfriend who is way better than Dak ever would’ve been to me. I’m totally all well-adjusted about it and stuff.”

Their laughter roared through the space, bouncing off the glass walls until they were leaning on each other for support, gasping for air at Roxy’s ridiculously shallow statement. Two of the tomatoes Logan had been gathering up to take back inside rolled off his lap and off under one of the tables holding the innumerable gardening supplies, and Roxy had to use her quick reflexes to save the cucumber from the same fate. 

As he helped her off the ground, and they gathered up everything they had taken from the garden, Roxy stopped him before they ran through the freezing backyard and back into the house. 

“I’m not an expert or anything, but I think you just need to give it time. It might be something you think about a lot - and I mean a lot - right now, but in a few months, eventually you’ll start to think about it less and less, until eventually, you don’t think about it at all. The pain may seem permanent now, but I promise it isn’t everlasting.”

Logan bumped his shoulder into hers again with a small smile. “Thanks, Rox… And you’re right, I have been thinking about it a lot and…” 

His tone matched that of Camilles on their phone call last night; She knew exactly what he was about to say, and her heart dropped to her stomach. “It might be time for me to branch out, you know? Expand my horizons a little bit. Do you think it’s too soon for me to think about maybe seeing someone else?”

Rolling the cucumber between both of her hands, Roxy tried poorly to hide her audible gulp. “No, of course not. If you think that’s what you need to do… that’s what you need to do.”

“It’s just a thought!” He followed up, quickly enough for her to think he didn’t really mean what he was saying. Maybe something was still keeping him tied to Camille despite everything that had happened between them. “I don’t really know many other girls at the Palm Woods… It’s always been Camille.”

“Any girl at the Palm Woods, or elsewhere, would be lucky to have you, Logan,” His assistant shared, in earnest. “And I’m here for you, no matter what you decide.”

When they reached the door, that conversation came to its natural conclusion, and the pair braced themselves for the harsh winter conditions awaiting them outside. 

“Alright, ready?” Logan asked, slowly reaching toward the door to pull it open. At Roxy’s nod, he began to count down, “3… 2… 1… Go!”

The both of them took off toward the house, struggling to keep hold of all their vegetables as they ran laughing down the cobblestone path.

***

How Roxy let Carlos rope her into an early morning run, she didn’t know.

It had sounded like a good idea when he’d called her last night while she sprawled out on her bed, attempting to digest the delicious meal Sabina had put together for her, Logan, and Joanna. 

“I’m never eating that much again!” She’d promised him, agreeing to his request to take a run around his neighborhood. “I’m going to need to work all this off if I don’t want Jo to kick my ass at the gym this week.”

Carlos’ giggles burst through the other line, “Sounds like a plan then! I’ll see you in the morning at Kamford Gardens. Oh! And I’m bringing a friend, hope you don’t mind.”

Not at all, Roxy figured after they’d hung up. If she was already going to meet the other members of the boys’ hockey team at the New Year’s party, there was no harm in getting to know another new face. I wonder what they’ll be like.

From the brief bits and pieces Roxy heard about the band’s life before fame, all four of them had been quite popular; It came with the territory of being some of the best athletes on the school's most important sports team. 

At Twin Oaks, Roxy’s first high school, that sport had been football, and it was no secret that the players on the team were given special treatment by just about anyone they came in contact with. From students, to teachers, to admin… Everyone wanted some sort of connection with their hometown sports stars. Though it was a sweeping generalization, she assumed the treatment at Mountain Aire was similar for those talented enough to make the hockey team.

Now, Roxy sat under the large gazebo on the outskirts of the park, waiting for Carlos and his friend to arrive so they could get a move on. After the run, she was planning on heading home to freshen up and meet with James for a date. 

Most of the snow was still piled high from the storm a few days ago, but the city had done a wonderful job at clearing and salting the paved trail around the park. No major ice patches or dangerous snowbanks should stand in their way during their workout and they had the privilege of taking in the incredible sites around them. Roxy had never been to Kamford, but Carlos was pretty adamant that it be the location for their run. Wide sprawling fields, a slowly melting lake, and plenty of benches along the trail made Roxy a tad nostalgic for the park closer to her house. It was a staple for her and her father when they were younger; At times he was off work early they’d often take a few laps around the area before bed to work off any excess energy.

You certainly don’t get sights like this in Los Angeles… Sure, Griffith Park was nice, but nothing felt as homey and familiar as the snow-covered scene before her. Roxy could do without the shivering, however, considering all of her workout clothing had been purchased in California. As she jammed her hands into the thin pockets of her sage green windbreaker, she prayed the thermal leggings she’d dug out of her drawer would be enough to keep her warm until they began their run. 

“Roxyyy!” Someone called from behind her, and she quickly stood from the park bench she was sitting on. A small twinge of anxiety bolted through her, hopefully Carlos’ friend is nice, when she turned to face him. 

The first thing she noticed was his outfit - shorts,  t-shirt, no helmet, despite the below-freezing temperatures turning their exposed bits of skin bright red. Second, his bright, dazzling smile as he jogged over to her. And third, the large dog running beside him, attached to a hot pink leash and matching collar. It stood out nicely against its snow-white coat, littered with black dots, and hot pink booties around all four paws. 

By the time they caught up, Carlos almost crashed Roxy into a hug when he failed to slow down fast enough, which the dog was more than eager to join in on, jumping up on back paws to try and be a part of the action. 

After a cordial greeting between the two friends, the Dalmatian leapt up onto the bench beside them, as if it were waiting to be introduced to the writer. 

“And this is Missy!” Carlos shared, petting down between his dog’s ears. Lazily, Missy’s tongue rolled out of her mouth, as though she were smiling, like she understood she was the center of the conversation. “She’s our little ball of energy - She knows this place like the back of her paw!”

Just as Roxy had geeked over Logan’s cat, her smile grew about a million times wider as her hands flew to scratch behind Missy’s velvety ears. “Hi, Missy! Are you coming for a little run with us today?” 

The dog practically melted into her touch, turning her head from side to side like she was trying to decide where the best scratches were coming from. 

“Oh, no,” Her friend informed her, tugging once on the leash to coax Missy down off the bench. “We’re going for a run with her.” 

Roxy swore the dog must’ve been fluent in English, because as soon as her owner finished his sentence, she took off toward the path, tugging him along with her.

“Alright then… Here we go!” The writer laughed, breaking out in a run to catch up to her friend. “Show us all the good spots then, Missy!”

And show them the good spots she did, after one continuous lap around the large lake. That dog sure knew she was in charge, leading them down a marked trail through the woods for a bit of off-road action, before pulling them back toward the playground and gazebo again. 

Since she and the boys rarely worked out together - the schedule Gustavo and Mr. X had them stick to was a bit too strict for her liking - she had forgotten just how fast Carlos was. On top of his insane hockey player stamina, he was also the fastest of their four friends, as evidenced by the Palm Woods Invitational All-Terrain Disc-Cathlon Classic he had won earlier in the year, all while carrying his assistant on his back. It was a struggle to keep up sometimes, but Roxy held her own and imagined Missy slowed the pace down just for her.

Lungs burning, eyes watering, hands freezing, they finally came to a stop right back at where they’d started about twenty minutes later - Missy hopping back up onto the bench for pets as she panted away, while Carlos and Roxy obliged her wishes and took a breather, trying to come down from their runner’s high. 

“This is her favorite place, I swear!” The boy said through labored breaths. “And she hasn’t run like that in a while! She must really like you.”

The assistant weighed the pros and cons of laying on the paved concrete floor below them, wondering if it would ease the growing ache in her legs. “Well, I like her too… But I also really hate her for working us so hard!” Missy barked, as though she resented the statement. “She’d get along great with Lighting, you know.” 

Scoffing, Carlos checked his watch, before clicking his tongue a few times to get the Dalmatian back off the bench. “I’m not letting my precious baby girl anywhere near that womanizer!”

A growl rolled out of Missy’s throat, suggesting she also hated the idea as well, before she began to tug on the leash again, wanting to check out one of the snowbanks beside the gazebo. 

“I certainly don’t need the two of you ganging up on me…” Huffed Roxy, slowly trailing along after the two as the dog sniffed around, lazily meandering down the path.

Though it was still quite early, more and more people were starting to head onto the park grounds to enjoy the nice weather - nice weather for Minnesota at least. A few more dogs as well, who Missy nearly bounded over to in order to play, while Carlos and Roxy made polite small talk with their owners. On top of the views, that was something else Minnesota had Los Angeles beat on: Everyone was always so friendly. 

Maybe I just needed to get out of here for a while to appreciate just how nice Duluth is.

When Missy decided she was done playing, she trotted back over to Roxy and Carlos, tongue lolling and tail wagging back and forth a mile a minute while she patiently waited to be clipped back onto her leash. 

“Did you have a good time, Missy?” Roxy asked, baby voice and all as she ran her hand down the Dalmatian’s smooth coat. “It looks like you’re getting tired!” Again, the dog must have understood exactly what Roxy was saying, because in response, she tugged on the leash and led the two back onto the path they’d just run, sniffing down the path while she dragged them around. 

Carlos reached out and swatted her ponytail, “You can’t say the t-word around her! If she thinks we’re going home, she always tries to extend her walk.”

“I thought the t-word was ’treat’?”

Missy stopped her sniffing and looked back over her shoulder. 

“That’s one of them!” The boy sighed, and reached into his pocket for a small baggie of round dog treats, extending one out to his assistant. 

She scrunched her nose up, “No, thanks. Not a fan of that flavor.”

“You said it, you give it to her,” Carlos informed her, whistling Missy back toward them. “And, they don't actually taste that bad if you want one.”

An unpleasant image of Carlos guzzling dog treats filled her mind. Yuck.

The feeling of Missy’s tongue licking around her fingers to capture the treat shocked her against the cold feeling her fingers had gotten used to. 

“Aw, ew! She’s all slobbery,” The girl cried, shaking her hand around in the air to try and relieve the unpleasant sensation before her eyes landed on her laughing friend. “What do you think you’re laughing at?” 

Carlos just kept wheezing, and it was riling Missy up when he bent over to hug his sides. However, he didn’t find it as funny when Roxy held out her palm, wiggling her fingers, and attempted to wipe it off on the sleeve of his shirt. In fact, he quickly realized he’d need to run away from her, taking Missy with him, as she chased after him with her slobber-covered hand. 

Neither of them had noticed just how far they’d gotten on the park trail until they reached the edge of the paved area, running along the smooth stoned sides of the melting creek. At one point, they’d even hopped over one of the narrow parts, despite the desperate plea of her heart to slow down, for a while before eventually getting back on the correct trail.

“Just… Use the water!” Carlos eventually called over his shoulder, motioning to his left at the small amount of runoff coming from the melting snow, and his assistant had no choice but to take his suggestion even if the slobber was frozen to her fingers at this point. 

Her footsteps slowed, until she was eventually able to ease herself into a stop, and she squatted down to let the water run over her hand. Of course, it had been as cold as she had been expecting, but it didn’t stop her from flinching the moment the sensation hit her fingertips. “Dude, I think there’s something swimming around in here!”

From a few feet away, the boy turned his head to the side, “Really?” and took a few steps closer before bending down to see what his assistant was talking about. 

With a snicker, Roxy raised her hand from the water and flicked her fingers toward him, covering his face in the snowy runoff. “Ha! Gotcha!”

A small gasp of surprise left his lips, but it didn’t take him any more than a second to dip his hand into the stream and splash Roxy as well, giggling just as loud as she was. 

Even Missy wanted to get in on the fun, splashing into the river with her hot pink booties and causing the other two to scramble away from her as she jumped around. A few more rounds back and forth, both of them too focused on the task at hand while they tormented each other, neither of them noticed the tags on her collar jingle back and forth as she began to shake off the water on her coat. 

When she had gotten so wet, Roxy and Carlos didn’t know, but soon they were pelted as the water jetted off her fur, cold little bombs erupted on their clothing and skin when each drop hit. Soon enough, they’d forgotten they were even messing with each other; Instead, they clutched onto each other as they ran to the closest path of wood they could find that wasn’t covered in snow, and collapsed together into a dripping, giggling mess. 

Of course, Missy wasn’t far behind, and she practically launched herself into their laps, willfully begging for pets as the two finally allowed themselves a moment of rest together. 

“Oh, God, I’m exhausted,” The writer announced, running one more hand down Missy’s back before collapsing back onto the forest floor behind her. Pine trees surrounded them, blocking out most of her view of the sky, but a few white patches poked through, likely promising another snowfall later in the day. “We’re not allowed to run together anymore…”

“Aw!” Carlos whined, plopping down beside her and poking her cheek. “I’ve got memories with all my favorite people at this park. Figured it wouldn’t hurt to make one with you too… But if it was that bad-”

She cut him off by driving a hand into his side, “I didn’t know that! I take it back, I swear!”

“Nope… It’s too late,” He pretended to sniffle, bringing a hand under his eyes as he wiped away his crocodile tears. “The damage has been done.”

“No! Now you need to tell me!” She fought back, coaxing Missy over to cuddle with her. “List. Now. Starting with ‘Fight with Roxy’ at the top, then…”

“Then, coming here almost every day after elementary school with my sisters. We’d wait here after school for mom to come pick us up, and sometimes the ice cream man would come by and they’d get me one of those messed up-looking popsicles with the gumball eyes.”

Roxy had only come into contact with Carlos’ three older sisters, Maria, Lupe, and Alena, but from what she knew about them, that tracked. They’d gushed over him backstage at their Duluth concert, so she imagined he’d been getting similar treatment now that he was back home. 

“And next… Probably playing flag football over the summers with James! Those big fields are perfect for sports when they’re not covered with snow,” He grinned, “Ah, so you’re not just hockey heads, you’re ballers too?”

“Just the two of us… Logan didn’t like the rules and Kendall is hockey loyal. But! Logan and I used to run up and down the river here and catch little crayfish critters sometimes. And Kendall was here when I ran into a tree with my bike and gave myself this super nasty concussion!”

Shifting up onto one arm, still petting Missy with the other, Roxy rolled over to look at him, “These are supposed to be good memories.”

Carlos blinked his big brown eyes, “But it is! Because for my next birthday, you’ll never believe what he got me.”

“Better breaks?” 

“A helmet! All nice and shiny brand new… It was glorious!” He continued to gush, smiling up at the clouds. “I’d just turned ten and I promised him I’d wear it for the rest of my life.”

His friend cocked a brow, “So you lied to him?” 

Still staring upward as he lay on his back, Carlos reached out and captured her face in his palm, gently pushing her back down to the forest floor. “No. I grew out of it and got another one, then another one, then another one…”

As Carlos rattled on, Roxy half-tuned in as she tracked the movements of a crow hopping from branch to branch above them. She was almost jealous of him, getting to make so many good memories he was able to look back on fondly with his best friends about their hometown. Most of her favorite places here were stained with the memory of Mag and Dani, though she supposed it wasn’t all that bad. 

Now I’ve got new memories of Cait’s basement, Kendall’s lake, Logan’s house, and Carlos’ park… 

“And now I’ve got this one!” Carlos finished, reaching up to slap his head, only to wince when he realized he wasn’t wearing his normal protective gear, “...Back at home.”

At his pained words, Missy growled a bit, shaking herself from Roxy’s grip and walking over to her owner to lick at his face. 

Incredible instinct on that one.

“Aw, baby,” The boy cooed, taking Missy’s face in his hands and giving her a boatload of scratches. “Is it time to go?” 

The dog barked her confirmation, and when Carlos moved to stand, Roxy held out her hand. “Can we wait just a few more minutes? I’m still making my memory.”

***

When Roxy drove to James’ house to grab him that evening, she took a deep breath as she pulled up in front of his house and turned Dynamo’s rattling engine off. 

Carefully, she flipped down the sun visor, checking her make-up meticulously in the mirror. If she was planning on meeting the Este Lauder of the Midwest tonight, nothing could be out of place. Even as she hopped out of the cab, she smoothed out the wrinkles in her dress despite her shaking hands. 

James had it easy, she decided, getting to meet my dad before we were even together.

With a deep breath, she walked up the path leading through the meticulously manicured lawn on her way to the front door, only to be met with her boyfriend pulling open the door and slipping out to meet her before she was even halfway to the porch. 

“Hey, babe!” He kissed her cheek, running a hand down her arm and lacing his fingers with hers as he pulled her back toward her tuck. “Love the dress… Do a little spin for me?” 

“Uh,” The writer faltered, blinking up at James before doing as he asked. With each pound of her heel on the pavement as she turned, her pulse grew faster. “Don’t you think I should meet your mom before we head out?” 

Again, James was pulling her back toward Dynamo. “Yeah, that’d be super, but she’s not home right now.”

Though she loved the wonderful view of his backside in his slacks and dress shirt as he trailed ahead of her, her eyes flickered to the right. A white Jeep Wrangler sat in the driveway. 

“Did I tell you where we’re going tonight?” James asked her, interrupting her train of thought. “It’s this cool little hole-in-the-wall Italian place downtown. Owned by one of the guys on the MAHS team's family too. They’ll treat us like VIPs! Speaking of, Kendall said you’re coming to the party tomorrow, right?” 

Roxy loved listening to him talk, no matter the circumstance, but right now, it felt like he was trying to bounce from subject to subject; She was having trouble following everything he’d asked her.

Smiling, the writer squeezed his hand as he opened the car door for her and waited for her to climb in before shutting it. 

“Thanks, James,” She’d muttered when he finally took his place on the passenger’s side. “No, you didn’t say, but it sounds lovely! And yes, I’ll go if you’re going.”

There was an awkward pause, something quite new for the couple. 

“Think she’ll be here when we get back? I’d like to meet her.” 

That was a half-life, Roxy was terrified, especially considering all she knew of Brooke Diamond was her tragic, messy, public divorce, how protective she was of her son, and how little James talked about her. 

“Probably, but she’s got a strict bedtime - 9 p.m. or she complains about puffy eyes the next day. It’s such a pain.” Her boyfriend reached for the stereo - she thought about slapping his hand away - turning up the volume on the tape Roxy’d popped in as she was driving over. “Who’s this? Sounds like something you’d be really good at playing on the guitar.”

James was trying to distract her.  

“Fall Out Boy.” She took his bait, pulling away from the sidewalk with a knot in her stomach. “Dad and I saw them a couple of years ago. Tickets were almost impossible to get, but one of his friends from work knew someone who ran at the venue.”

Reaching out to turn it up again, Roxy gripped the wheel tighter at his next words. “You’re kidding! How sick… Did you two go to a lot of shows together?” 

“How about we save the small talk for our date?” She said, putting on her best cheery voice despite how quickly she felt like spiraling. “Which road do I turn down once we’re in town?” 

As James pulled out the printed directions from his front pocket, he scanned the page for the answer to her girlfriend’s question. 

Meanwhile, she was attempting to get rid of the dull ache blooming in her chest, thinking she had been justified in her worry all those weeks ago. 

Am I not the kind of girl you take home to your parents?

***

Jo and Camille had assured Roxy she was being ridiculous on their emergency-slash-Happy Birthday, Camille phone call last night. So, when she’d finally picked all her friends up, managed to make it to “Hawkins’ Haus,” and passed her keyes off to their designated driver, Kendall, Roxy was ready to forget all about the dark worry itching at the back of her mind. 

Drink, dance, have a good time… Simple, she planned out in her head, clutching at her boyfriend’s arm as the five of them entered the large modern-style house to the sound of loud party chatter over whatever unseen speakers were blasting the top hits of the last year. Plenty of teenagers filled the space ready to celebrate the New Year together, making it tough for the five to all move together through the entrance and into the living room, where a group of boys were all lounging on whatever furniture or floor space was available. 

From her conversation with Kendall, Roxy had assumed it was just a party with the team and a few of their friends, but as she glanced around the space it was packed with people as far as she could see. Mountain Aire was one of the largest high schools in the area; She wouldn’t be surprised if most of the student population was in attendance tonight. From the entrance to the fenced-in backyard, even to the second floor it was wall-to-wall people. 

“Hawkinsssss!” She heard Carlos boom behind her, and one of the boys turned his head, eyes lighting up as he practically jumped out of his armchair to greet the newcomers. 

“Garcia?!” Hawkins called back, arms wide. “Get your ass over here!”

Happy to oblige, Carlos tackled the boy into a bear hug, “Dude, it’s been too long!” 

A few of the other guys were standing now, slowly heading over to greet Kendall, Carlos, James, and Logan as well. 

“Team captain,” James murmured in Roxy’s ear, before flashing his award-winning smile and reaching out from behind her to shake his hand. “Good to see you, man.”

“And you, Diamond! God, look at you!” The captain beamed, and now that they were closer Roxy could get a better look at him in the dim light. Like her friends, he was infuriatingly handsome, which she was beginning to think was a requirement if someone wanted to join the MAHS hockey team just from an inventory of the room. Waved brown hair fell over his just-as-brown eyes as he looked down at the girl in front of him, flashing a wry smile. “And you brought a real Los Angeles model with you? Damn, dude!”

Feeling her cheeks heat, Roxy leaned back into her boyfriend as he introduced her. “Kit Hawkins, Roxanne Somerset. And she’s not a model - though she could be if she wanted, for sure.”

Roxy held her hand out, “I’m a songwriter, actually. And house band member. And assistant… I wear many, many hats. Nice to meet you!”

Kit’s calloused hands rose to meet her own, shaking it up and down before bringing her knuckles to his lips.

“Girlfriend!” James blurted out, pulling Roxy’s hand into his the moment Hawkins let it go. “Did I mention she’s my girlfriend?” 

Raising both his palms in defense, Kit’s eyes widened, “My bad, my bad! Sorry, Roxanne. Either of you want something to drink?”

The assistant shook her head, not for now at least, but James took him up on the offer, snagging one of the cold cans from one of many coolers she could spot around the room. 

Gradually, more and more greetings were exchanged, James letting Roxy know who everyone was around the room as they piled onto the couch together. As he pulled her into his lap to create some room for Logan to sit beside them, his thumb rubbed a soothing circular pattern into her hip as she did her best to remember everyone’s names. 

All of the players referred to each other by last name, which was easy enough with her own friends, but James using first and last names in his introductions was throwing her off a bit as she tuned into their conversations. In one part of the room, Kendall was detailing some of the crazy aspects of Hollywood, in another, an MAHS player, Callaghan, was talking to Logan about the team’s stats for the year. 

“They’re totally gonna make the playoffs,” He spoke aloud, presumably only to Roxy once Callaghan started to rattle off some sort of statistics. “Seems like Hawkins is doing a good job…”

Across the way, it sounded like Carlos was telling the story of their audition to players Streicher and Logan - not to be confused with her own Logan - who were almost rolled over in laughter when he mentioned farting into the microphone in front of one of L.A.’s biggest music producers. 

Draping an arm over James’ shoulder, Roxy leaned into his chest a bit more as she brought her lips down to his ear, “I didn’t expect there to be so many players! Isn’t there… like competition to get onto the team or something?” 

“Most pro teams only have about 20 players; MAHS has room for 16 on their varsity team and you’re looking at every single one of them.”

Roxy felt her eyes widen, “For the entire student population?”

After a slow sip of his vodka soda, James nodded, “Best of the best, baby.”

For a moment, as she turned back to the story Kendall was telling, she thought about what it would be like if they went to a normal high school. Flashes of partnering with Logan at the chem lab, holding her boyfriend’s hand as they walked down the locker-lined hallways, passing notes with Carlos in history… Sitting surrounded by other “normal” teenagers almost had her longing for a life back in Minnesota. 

Without thinking, she lifted the can from James’ hand and took a few small sips. “I can’t believe I’m dating a jock. Doesn’t that throw off the high school ecosystem balance or something?” “Nah,” He assured her, pointing over to another player, Graham. “He’s dating one of the best artists ever and…” It took him a second, but his finger landed on another boy, Miller. “His girlfriend really loves Bauhaus and…” Roxy took another sip of his drink as he pointed someone else out, King. “His partner’s a pothead. All things considered, it’s a good mix.”

“Sounds like you needed a musician,” She mused, planting a kiss on his cheek before resting her forehead on his. “You’d let me wear your varsity jacket, right?” 

“Rox, are you kidding me?” The hand on her hip flexed. “I’ll seriously run home and get it right now if you promise you’ll wear it the rest of the night-”

Bang!

The sound of aluminum crunching against a plastic surface made the both of them jump and turn toward the source of the sound, Carlos. “Whoo!” 

“Shit,” Roxy giggled, watching as he threw the can across the room and into one of the many waste bins scattered about. “He’s one down; We need to catch up.” 

“Say less, babe. Let’s go see what else they’ve got.”

~

Two seltzers later, James and Roxy were tearing up the dancefloor. 

Well, more like James was thanks to his professional coaching over the last year, and his attempts to guide his girlfriend into some smoother moves went unheard as she rocked from side to side. At the end of each song, she’d find her way back into his arms, complaining that it was over, before getting excited on the first note of whatever came next, telling him how that was her favorite song ever.

Eventually, he was able to keep her close by hooking his fingers in the belt loops of her jeans, as her moves slowly began to synchronize with his thanks to their proximity. Despite music flowing through her veins and a presence at every single Big Time Rush dance practice and live performance, she still lacked good rhythm to move her own body to but figured practice makes perfect. 

Hands trailing up the sides of her boyfriend’s chest and eventually winding around his neck, she pulled herself even closer, belting out the words to whatever song was the background track for their moves. Even with her heart beating out of her chest from all the activity, each time James brushed up against her or tightened his hold on her hips, it increased to what Roxy feared may be near fatal levels. 

Though the house was dim, she caught glimpses of his face now and then as he bobbed his head to the beat. Be it their alcohol intake or the loosening she felt overtake her brain, but she noticed a splash of red on his cheeks, causing her own to heat in return.

~

Water. James finally made her drink not one, but two bottles of water after their stint on the dance floor and a small make-out session in the second-floor hallway, before they found themselves back on the couch and caught up in a party game with the hockey team. 

Normally, Roxy was not one to partake in Truth or Dare with strangers, but her inhibitions were lowered just enough and she wanted to see her other friends so badly, that she and James allowed themselves to be roped into the shenanigans happening in the living room. 

Logan - her Logan - was already stripped down to his boxers after a series of unfortunate dares, Callaghan was forced to recount his most embarrassing memory, and Kendall was currently wearing his shoes on his hands. 

“Oh, James!” Hawkins called, slightly swaying in his seat as he singled out his victim for the next round. “Truth or dare?” 

Roxy felt James hum under her while he chose, and she secretly hoped he might have to take off some clothing too. 

“Dare.” 

He almost didn’t catch the beer can the team captain hurtled his way, but managed to use his free hand - the one not circling Roxy’s waist - to catch it. 

Immediately, despite various levels of intoxication, the whole room caught on to Hawkins’ scheme and began chanting, “Chug, chug, chug, chug!”

And chug James did, like a champion, while Roxy watched in awe. And a little bit to see his Adam’s Apple bob up and down and think about all the kisses she could plant on his neck later, but that wasn’t as important. 

It took him about 25 seconds, and when he finished, the room broke into a wild ovation, as though he’d just scored the winning goal at a hockey game. Careful not to disturb the girl in his lap, he chucked the can right back at Hawkins before adding his other arm around her waist and tugging Roxy even closer into him. 

She didn’t even think before she grabbed his face and kissed him in front of God and everybody, licking up whatever remained of the bitter-tasting drink. They ignored the cheers that erupted after that, simply indulging in each other for a few more seconds, until someone cleared their throat to remind James it was his turn to pick a new victim. 

Sometime later, King had begrudgingly told the story of his first kiss, Carlos did an entire piece of Big Time Rush choreography without the music, and Graham had to hold hands with Miller until one of them passed out for the night. 

Roxy thought she had done a pretty good job at hiding under the radar for most of the game, not being too loud or encouraging any of the more embarrassing asks, so when Miller slurred her name, it almost shocked her. “Roxanne? Truth or dare?” 

As much as she suspected James would also like it if she removed a few articles of clothing, she didn’t want to take her chances in a room full of other guys. “Truth. Definitely truth.”

“Alright then,” Miller grinned, though one of his eyes blinked before the other as he thought up his question. “What’s your biggest fantasy?”

Idiot… Roxy smiled, hands playing with the plastic water bottle she had just finished. He didn’t specify what kind…

“I want a big house!” She blurted, “Like so big you want to ride a bike from one end to the other, and your legs hurt from walking up so many stairs. And a huge yard, huge… With a big lake that freezes over in the winter so we can skate on it and trails leading into the forest. Oh! And a music studio inside too, so I can make whatever I want and Gustavo can’t tell me no.”

At some point, James’ grip on her tightened, and she could feel his eyes on her as she continued to babble off whatever came to mind. 

“And pets!” She yelled, so loud it almost frightened her, and she dropped the bottle to talk with her hands as she listed them all off. “Dogs… Cats… Turtles… Hamsters… We are going to have so many pets! And a place to show off all my instruments and all your platinum records, which are actually all my platinum records, but they’ll say your name on them because you’re in the band and I’m not, okay?” 

 By now, it was no secret she was speaking directly to James, considering they were basically staring at each other, as if there were nobody else in the room when she finally finished her thought. He was lapping up every single word his girlfriend was saying with eager nods, offering up no argument or additions to her fantasy.

“House, lake, trail, studio, pets, and… museum? I think I can manage all that for you,” James said, and she felt the circles from his thumbs begin again. “Anything else you’d like to add?”

Immediately, her face caught fire. It was one thing for her to rattle off all the silly things she’d thought of to avoid answering the real question Miller had been getting at, but the more she thought about it, the more truth her statement held than she’d originally intended.

She leaned into him giggling, “Yeah, actually-”

“Fifteen seconds to midnight!”

Everybody began to scramble, grabbing drinks, grabbing partners, grabbing 12 of the fresh green grapes from the kitchen counter. Everybody, except for James and Roxy, who were still locked in their loving gaze as their friends all contributed to the chaos around them. 

“Ten-”

“Roxanne?” 

“Nine, eight-”

“Hm?”

“Seven, six-”

“Can I kiss you?” 

“Five, four-” 

“You think you need to ask?”

“Three, two, one… Happy New Year!”

[8bitsupervillain]

Higurashi When They Cry Hou Ch. 7 Minagoroshi pt. 31

My favorite arc/chapter/whatever term your prefer of Umineko is Chapter Seven. It featured a great amount of revelations in regards to the overall plot, and it featured some of the best, gut-wrenching writing I had seen in the Chapter 7 Tea Party. The main chapter itself ended on a wonderful note, a great blend of sadness, but optimism, only for the Tea Party to come along and just absolutely wreck the previously optimistic tone. It was, without exaggeration, so well written that I felt it absolutely made the entirety of that series worth reading just for that section alone. Which is remarkable to me, as with some of the earlier sections of Higurashi, I came perilously close to abandoning Umineko as well due to an intense dislike of portions of the narrative. I wish the tumblr search function was a more reliable device because there was a quote I saw regarding visual novels that summed up my experiences very well.

This will have to do. Basically the quote I’m thinking of describes VNs as a 40/60 mix of enjoyment to torture. Or something along those lines.

After the credits this comes up. Perhaps it says something about me, but I genuinely enjoy reading fictional documents like this in games and so on. Just little extra world-building minutiae of the day to day about people in the fictional universe. You won't see me passing up files in a survival horror on my first playthrough, oh no.

While this doesn’t outright confirm that Irie is dead, I feel it’s reasonable to assume that Irie “committed suicide” shortly before the gaming club got taken out by Takano and the Mountain Dogs. I feel it’s safe to assume Irie was the Institute Director, and Takano is the chief officer. And given what’s about to occur I really don’t think Irie would sign off on it. Also, everything from Emergency Manual 34 is in red text when it’s going line by line. As with Tsumihoroboshi the log just keeps it white on gray.

Could you imagine being part of this government kill squad, enacting your orders to kill the potential civilians in the telephone company building only to get killed by a different branch of the government kill squad? It’s like that scene at the beginning of the Dark Knight when the bank robbers are killing each other off as they do their job for the heist. Also, I could swear that they mention this quarry at some point earlier on in the series, but looking over my notes and screenshots I couldn’t actually find anything. So it may be I’m remembering something from a manga synopsis? Earlier than the post-game TIP at the end of Tsumihoroboshi I mean. Also, I might be jumping the gun here, but if your grand conspiracy is going to involve killing the entirety of Hinamizawa wouldn’t you burn the bodies afterward? They won’t find gunshot wounds in a pile of ash is all I’m saying.

I just love this little piece of the document. It seems to imply there actually is a giant Resident Evil laboratory filled with H173 and various other deadly diseases related to Hinamizawa Syndrome. So it seems that even though she was going insane with paranoia Rena was actually on to something when she said the secret research facility is located in the Irie Clinic. Someone should make a mod for Resident Evil 4 (original or remake) that replaces Leon with a Rena model. It would give me an excuse to play Resident Evil 4 for the thousandth time.

So, since Keiichi was taken in by the Secrecy Preservation Unit at the end of Tatarigoroshi why did they let him live for as long as he had? Was it because he was well and truly insane, thinking he had the powers of Oyashiro, so they let him live? Was it because this came out years after chapter three had been written, and therefore not really thought about back then? Or do you think he was found by the disaster recovery team instead?

Also this doesn’t have anything really to do with anything, but reading the emergency manual here reminded me of an old 1970s horror movie called The Crazies. It’s about an outbreak of a chemical that drives people insane and murderous in a small Pennsylvania town. And our protagonists have to escape from the military who was sent to contain the outbreak, and the titular crazies, who are sort of proto-zombies. There was a remake in 2010 or so, but I don’t remember that one being very good. Of course it’s been nearly twenty years since I saw the original, so maybe that doesn’t hold up either. It’s got a good poster if nothing else.

It’s interesting how this note portrays Hinamizawa Syndrome as a parasite infection disease as well as being a lifelong ailment that shows physical signs of the disease within ten minutes of infection. Maybe that’s to do with the version of the syndrome that was observed during the war? Which especially doesn’t add up because there was all that prior information of the disease more or less being eradicated at the time.

Now, when I read this last line something about this struck me as incorrect. The population of Hinamizawa had always been shown to be right around one thousand.

Here are screenshots from Himatsubushi and Tatarigoroshi where they talk about the death toll of the Great Hinamizawa Disaster. It’s not exactly the end of the world that this inconsistency exists, but it was just something that rubbed me wrongly when I read it. I don’t know when the population of Hinamizawa doubled, but there it is. I wonder if it’s a situation similar to the Ohagi translation issue in Onikakushi where they just said the wrong thing initially, and this version of the translation is the correct one. Like I said, it’s not the biggest issue in the world, just something that bugged me. Basically what I’m saying is we should string up MangaGamer by the short and curlies to make them pay penance for such a grievous oversight. Made the series completely unreadable it did.

You can tell this was translated within the last decade because of the use of “it’s current year!”

Without getting too far ahead of it, I don’t entirely understand how the Great Hinamizawa Disaster/Operation Doomsday will ascend Takano to godhood. Either of them really.

[softlymaximoff]

Wanda assumed that Nat and Steve are together cause they are always close. Cooking together, workout out and sparring at the same time. Wanda even saw Nat laying her head on Steve 's lap during movie night. To top it all, Wands caught Nat hugging Steve from behind while he is frying some pancakes. It hurts Wanda everytime they see them being so close to each other and would suppress her feelings towards Nat.

But Wanda also enjoys the moment where she is being flipped on the mat by Natasha when they are training. She would blush non stop and Nat would tease her for it. From then on, they also became friends and got to know each other more. Then one time, Wanda was being bold cause she's super jealous of Steve and outright asked Nat if they were together. Nat just laughed at Wanda and said that they were only friends and she only see Steve as her brother.

Oh poor wanda was always insecure of overstepping the friendship she already had with nat and just tried to avoid her at all costs when she realised that “shit I’m falling for the damn widow” And natty ends up all moody cause her best friend was suddenly shutting her out.

Comes training one day and Natasha had enough, flipping the witch, thighs on either side of her head for a little too long. “Nat- c’mon let me up, you win, you pinned me, your score” the sokovian mumbled blushing as the widow pressed further. “Why are you avoiding me” “you’re insane I’m not doing anything” and with a flash of gentle red, Natasha was lifted off her and tossed to the side. Wanda had never used magic on her? “Fine be like that” the spy grumbled and stormed out of the training room leaving a very guilty wanda on the mat.

><><><

Two nights later tony was hosting one of his monthly get-togethers where the team was exempt of missions for a couple of days. And Steve had of course asked his long time best friend to accompany him as his little arm candy. Wanda of course had vision but he was a last minute desperation. The poor robot was completely unaware of his date’s jealousy. “Care for a drink Wanda?” “Not now vis, I’m gonna go play pool” She grumbled when she saw the other coupe-like pair already at the bar.

Unbeknownst to Wanda, as soon as she walked in Steve motioned over to her “there’s your girl Tasha” “she’s not my girl Steve, she’s been avoiding me and I haven’t even done anything wrong” the Russian sighed and downed her shot of vodka when Bruce passed it to her. “Alright calm down widow, the nights still young” Steve chuckled at his teammate but tensed when he felt eyes on him.

“Oh for goodness sake nat do something, she’s burning holes on the side of my head I can feel it” he practically whined to the readhead and she rolled her eyes before venturing off to find said angry witch. “You’re up Sabrina” Tony snickered at the young witch’s scowl “you’re so lame Tony, shouldn’t you be trying to find a heart with Dorothy on the yellow brick road? Tinman looking ass” she challenged back and set up her shot but a chuckle made her freeze. “Finally someone’s putting him back in his place” Natasha giggled, the vodka making her a little less cold and a lot more flirty.

“Here, line it up like this moya lyubov” she whispered and guided Wanda’s position. The interaction making her blush furiously. “Uh, nat why aren’t you with Steve?” She mumbled and moved out of Natasha’s little body trap, just letting her take the shot. “Cause he’s flirting with Bucky” she smirked at Wanda’s prominent blush. “Why, you’re dating him aren’t you?” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms, a frown forming on her lips.

“Oh my god, is that why you were avoiding me? He’s like a brother! Ew he’s so old and gross, Wanda, I’m part of the alphabet mafia” the redhead chuckled drunkenly and cheered when she sunk her number in a pocket. “You’re- you’re not straight?” Wanda was dumbfounded. “No you goof, i don’t sit properly on chairs, I wear boots, listen to girl in red and Taylor swift religiously, and tony won’t let me get a cat for the compound but I’ve managed to convince pepper so we’re halfway there already!” All Wanda could do was blush at her own obviousness

“Oh”

“Yeah oh, now come here and taste some vodka you fool”

[eyeless-jeff666]

Love hurts

Yandere!Best Jeanist does what needs to make Shinya his. Angst (?), kidnapping, open ending

„Best Jeanist and I are merely friends, there is really nothing more to it.”

Edgeshot spoke, into a microphone held close to him by an interviewer. He was smiling underneath his mask, Jeanist could see that by the wrinkles forming around his eyes. Friends. That word stung in his heart. It had always stung, ever since they had been teenagers. Ever since he had first fallen in love with Shinya. 

This pain, this unbelievable ache tearing on his heartstrings, broke Tsunagu down more and more with every passing day. Every time the silver-haired hero’s attention wasn’t on him. Every time anyone else spoke to or flirted with him. He had made people cease contact with him before. He still could, but with being a hero, it seemed impossible to keep everyone away from him. 

He loved him. So much that it hurt. Loved him so much that it made his stomach turn with every night he had to think about how the other always just called him his Friend. It tore him apart, like ripping open a small hole in one’s clothes, making it worse with every little tear he had to endure. 

After the interview, Tsunagu walked over to Shinya:

“Hey. Do you want to come over to my place tonight? And watch a movie?”

“Sorry, dude, Ryukyu asked me to hang out already.”

These words stirred his jealousy even more, and it made him so angry; he had gotten rid of people before. Cleverly, without anyone even suspecting it to have been cold-blooded murder. But he couldn’t do that to a hero. Not because he wasn’t willing, quite the opposite, but because he knew it would be much more suspicious. Much more investigated.

“But you promised to spend time with me today.”

He lied, squinting his eyes slightly. Shinya frowned and tilted his head; clearly unsure of what he was talking about:

“Did I?”

“Yes. You did, last week. When you already hung out with her.”

They were getting too close to each other for Tsunagu’s taste, and he was uncomfortable at the thought of something more happening between them. He wanted, needed, Shinya Kamihara to be his. He always daydreamed about holding him. Going on dates with him, and marrying him one day. And yet, the other had never once looked at Tsunagu that way. No, it had always been other people who had his attention, his heart, but all Jeanist had was being his Friend. 

“I- I don’t remember that. I’m sorry.”

“You can’t leave me hanging like that again, Shinya. You promised not to put others above our friendship.”

The word would barely go over his lips. But his heart fluttered as the shorter one sighed and nodded:

“I’m sure I said that. I will cancel my plans with her.”

He had always been so easy to gaslight. So easy to wrap around his finger. That’s why he had always assumed he wouldn’t need to take more drastic measures. 

“Alright. I will cook your favorite food, how does that sound?”

Shinya seemed a bit down about not getting to meet Ryukyu, and Tsunagu’s eye twitched unnoticeably as he realized that. 

Later, the two of them sat on the couch, watching a movie together; Shinya’s favorite, and the two of them could speak almost all the lines by now. They laughed, and the blonde’s heart fluttered at this wonderful moment; at Shinya’s laugh and the way he was enjoying his company. Tsunagu was brushing his hair, as he often did when seeing it messy after a long day, and he could get lost in the softness and smell of it for hours. 

“You have such beautiful hair, Shi.”

He spoke softly, with admiration, and love, but as always, the other took it as nothing more than a platonic compliment:

“Thanks, Tsu. I really try to keep it soft since you gave me tips on how to keep it healthy.”

“Mh, I’m pleased to hear that. You’re doing a really good job with it.”

Tsunagu replied, feeling his stomach grumble:

“How about I make dinner now?”

Shinya agreed, with a smile that drove the blonde insane and nodded. 

As they ate – onigiri with cucumber salad – the ninja hero started to feel drowsy. With a practiced, fake-confused head tilt, Jeanist looked at him:

“Shinya. What’s wrong. You don’t look so good.”

His voice was almost too soft and kind, to the extent that it creeped the younger one out. It was unsettling, to see his smile, which was less worried and more absolutely crazy; like a villain who had just succeeded with an evil plan. He slapped a hand in front of his mouth, dropping the onigiri as realization began to settle in, but it was too late. Tsunagu slowly made his way over to him, caressing his shoulders, and hair, and leaned down, speaking in a low and much too loving voice:

“You left me no choice. I didn’t want to rush this. Oh, you have no idea how much I didn’t want to rush this. But. You’re getting too close to Ryukyu. And I cannot lose you to her. How will you love me if you love her?”

He spoke, his smile spreading wider as Shinya tried but failed to use his quirk. Despite struggling, it was too late; the drug was spreading out in his bloodstream, and his head dropped, caught swiftly as Tsunagu manipulated the fibers of his scarf to keep him from crashing into the table:

“I’ll need you to sleep a bit, my love.”

With that, the world went black.

When Shinya woke up, he was tied to a bed; a big and comfortable one, and he looked around to take in any information he could about his environment; as a hero, he knew what to do in situations like this, and the first thing always had to be to take in as much about one’s surroundings as possible. A low chuckle caught his attention, as Tsunagu walked into the room:

“You’re awake!”

He exclaimed, clearly happy, but it wasn’t the Tsunagu Shinya knew; this one didn’t look at him nicely, with a small smile, and asked about his day. This one smiled like a maniac, with eyes he could only describe as hearteyes, and with an aura of possessiveness.

“Hakamada. What’s going on.”

Shinya spoke firmly, watching the other’s grin drop; clearly disliking being called by his last name. He didn’t reply, only came over to caress his cheek:

“My love.. my sweet little needle. You have no idea how much I’ve wanted you to be with me.

I’m so happy you’re with me.”

Edgeshot shuddered at these words; the way they were spoken dripping with delusion, and utter obsession, and he wasn’t sure what to reply. 

“Won’t you answer, my darling?”

“What are you talking about. You were my friend. What are you doing?”

He insisted, but the other shook his head, clearly upset:

“Do you have any idea how much pain I was in? Watching you talk to other people. Flirt with other people. Love other people? I need your love but you always gave it to others. I was tearing apart, you can’t even understand, you didn’t leave me a choice. I’ll do anything to have you with me, only me, I need you to love me.”

Not want to. Need to. Shinya thought, seeing now just how far gone the other man was. In a moment of surprise, he wanted to use his quirk again, groaning as it didn’t work; the collar around his neck prevented him from using it.

“What are you doing my fiber? You can’t leave. I just got you. Please, just agree to stay that’s all I need you to do.”

As a human, Shinya wanted to resist and put up a scene. But as a hero, he knew this wasn’t safe; he didn’t know how far the other was willing to go, he had already drugged and kidnapped him. He couldn’t risk being hurt, or worse; getting others hurt. Cooperating also reduced the risk of the denim hero using torture as a device to get Shinya to break. So he let it happen. Just for now, while he came up with a plan and to buy the other heroes some time. What made the situation more dangerous was that Tsunagu was also a hero; no matter how far into his delusion he fell, as the number 4 hero, he still knew all, if not more, of the tricks Shinya did.

“I will stay with you.”

He said, seeing the way his former friend’s face lit up; and it disgusted him. He didn’t struggle as the blonde kissed him. 

“Oh I knew you would come around for me. I’ve been daydreaming about this. About being with you, marrying you...”

He rambled on, pulling out a ring; it looked expensive and was decorated with a beautiful blue stone. Edgeshot hated what this suggested, but simply watched in silence as Tsunagu put it on his finger:

“Won’t you be my husband, Shinya?”

It creeped the smaller one out, how natural and unproblematic this whole situation must have seemed to Jeanist; the way he spoke and moved, albeit much more exaggerated, was exactly how he had always spoken and acted around Shinya. 

“I will be your husband.”

If only for his own safety, which held top priority right now. He couldn’t afford for the other to use more drastic measures. And even if he knew that Shinya was merely acting, as long as he gave the other what he wanted, it should be alright. 

“Tell me you love me.”

“I love you, Tsunagu.”

A chuckle erupted from the other as he leaned down and caught Shinya in another kiss, crawling on top of him, but doing nothing more than that; only kissed, and cupped his face, with the same care with which he had put the ring on him. The obsession in his eyes cooled down to something Shinya couldn’t quite identify. He allowed the other to caress his face and hair, mumbling variations of

“I love you so much”, “You’re all mine now..” and even “You know I had to do this right?”

What was relieving was that the other didn’t seem to want to hurt him; he didn’t seem to want more than kisses, and Shinya could get through that. As long as he didn’t give the other a reason to lose his patience again, he was comparably safe. Shinya closed his eyes, and took a deep breath to calm his still-racing heart down; he was scared, but as long as he played it safe, there wasn’t too much to worry about. Tsunagu alone wouldn’t be able to defeat multiple other heroes, realistically seen, so all Shinya needed to do was hold through and wait for help. He had done that before, and this situation only hurt so much because it was someone he had thought he could trust. Someone he had liked and appreciated as a friend. Maybe, if Tsunagu had spoken about his feelings, he could have even returned them.

“Tsu.”

He said, more softly than before:

“Could you please get off me?”

Quickly the other obliged, lying down next to him instead, with more soft touches to his face:

“Of course, darling. Fiber of my heart, I’d do anything for you. Anything to make you happy, anything I can.” 

So he’s willing to keep me ‘comfortable’. That’s good. Edgeshot thought, turning his head towards the other man; he couldn’t help but feel sorry in a way. The way he acted, it was clear how badly he had been craving having Shinya to himself. It didn’t excuse his behavior, but Shinya knew that he needed to think deeper than his own understanding; Tsunagu had expressed it as painful, so he needed to believe that, if he wanted to cooperate in a safe manner. If it was painful to the taller man to not have Shinya’s love, surely it would be beneficial to play pretend to get him into a better mood.

“If you want me happy you have to promise not to hurt anyone. Focus on me.”

“I couldn’t focus on anyone else right now, you’re with me. That’s all that matters. And I will never hurt you. It feels so good to have you here, do you know that? Don’t you feel the same?”

The lovesickness in his eyes only grew, as Shinya nodded, but that wasn’t enough. He urged the other to speak it out loud. Not with words or actions, but simply with an expectant glance. 

“Yes, it’s nice.”

It seemed like Tsunagu wasn’t eager to hurt anyone per se, and if not given a reason to, would avoid it. Still a hero, after all, just one with twisted morals and lacking limits on how far to go for love. Shinya didn’t even want to know how long he had been like that or if anything between them had ever been normal. Didn’t want to know if any of the disappearances of people he knew oh so briefly, could be led back to Tsunagu. For his own sanity, he chose to pretend that his kidnapper had never hurt anyone.

“Are you hungry my love? Thirsty?”

“Not very, no.”

“Alright. Wonderful.”

The blonde said, his voice almost a giggle, as he wrapped his arm around Edgeshot, catching him in an embrace, and resting his head on the ninja-heroes chest. Listening to his heartbeat. And the younger one let him, knowing it was all he could do to get a moment to think. His mind flashed with thoughts about how surely, the Denim Hero wouldn’t be stupid enough to untie him at any point or take off his collar. He imagined he would feed him, and wash him, and dress him however he desired. At least the threads holding him in place weren’t painful. 

He turned his head, looking at his former friend; who was sleeping peacefully with a soft smile on his lips. It was almost scary how sound asleep he was in a situation like that, but Shinya understood, in a way, that this relief of tension and pain must have made him tired. A tear ran down his face now, which he tried to wipe away on the pillow; he was scared, of course, as anyone would be, but more than that he was saddened. Saddened about how someone he considered a good friend, his best friend even, could do something like this. How his mind wasn’t normal like he had always thought it was. How they would never normally watch movies together again. Shinya didn’t doubt that he would be rescued and that Tsunagu would be put to justice. But despite all of that, it hurt to realize that all the times they spent together would be washed away now. He had liked him, he really had. Deeply, and he had cherished their friendship ever since they started talking.

With his mind running, he looked back up at the ceiling, closed his eyes, and hoped to be lulled back into some form of rest soon.

[e-vasong]

🍰 and/or 🖊️!

OOH! I wish I knew what fandom you were from so I could target you specifically lol.

🍰 Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

I have a few comfort fics, and they're from a whole assortment of fandoms - but, call me biased, I think they're enjoyable even if you don't know the fandoms. The entirety of the Eleutherophobia series by SoloMoon is an Animorphs fic that is perhaps my most-reread fic ever. Everybody lives + my traumatized faves getting a chance at healing? Say no more! Do not let the first person scare you, I promise it's GOOD. The Last Love Song & Testament of Charles F. Xavier (X-Men) is THEEEEE cherik fic to me. Got me back into the ship after a dry spell! Def. worth reading even if you don't think cherik is your ship of choice. gig officially gigged (DBDA) by @laiqualaurelote is super popular. And for good reason. I read that fic and am just kicking my feet and giggling the whole gd time! And while it's far too dark to be a comfort fic....I HAVE to call out how memory makes monsters into myth (IWTV) by @divineatrophy because it makes me insane. Insane, I tell you!

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

Since I don't know what fandom you're from...I guess you can have two lol.

From portrait of an angel (IWTV):

He might as well say it now. “I’m writing it, you know.” The other side of the line is quiet.  “Pardon?” Louis finally says. “The book. I’m writing it. Finished my first draft last week.” Well, mostly. Daniel keeps remembering more and more that he wants to add. Small details, full scenes. A fucking ocean of minutes, hours, and even days all blended together in a slurry of liquid memory—countless events spliced together with Frankensteinian irregularity or lost entirely in the mess. He’s starting to doubt that he’ll ever be happy with the result. And he’ll probably be even more miserable once the Talamasca does their edit. “Figured it was only right to warn you.” “I see,” says Louis evenly. He doesn’t ask how Daniel’s recordings and notes survived. “That’s dangerous.” “Yeah,” Daniel does feel a bit bad about the inconvenience, but well. Louis is the one who asked for round two, and he’s a big boy who regularly drops millions of dollars on a whim. The guy can afford a bodyguard.

And from my currently untitled DBDA fake-dating fic!

Edwin now went out of his way to give Charles alone time, constantly concocting research projects and cold cases that required his attention. Yes, just his attention, really—Charles, why don’t you and Crystal go and watch a movie?  It was clearly intended to be nice. It might have been, if Charles and Edwin didn’t know each other so well. And if Charles didn’t know Edwin’s moods by the way they flavored the air, he would have been oblivious. Even despite their history, he’d missed it the first few times. Edwin hid it that well, that cleverly. But he wasn’t perfect, and Charles always watched Edwin closely. He could do nothing else. Over the months, he’d glimpsed it a few times. The ache and discomfort that underlay those offers; there for a second and then gone, like glimpsing a great whale as it passed by underwater. And Edwin paused sometimes now, when Charles asked how he was doing. Sure, he’d never been wildly upfront about his feelings. That Edwardian stiff upper lip was holding strong after more than a century. But still, Edwin had always given responses that were honest by his reckoning, even if that reckoning was pretty distorted by his upbringing and time in hell.  Hesitating like he was trying to find the answer Charles wanted to hear? That was very new, and Charles didn’t like it one bit. And he didn’t need anyone, not even a client, making Edwin feel even more self-conscious about it.

Ask game

[selttiks4313]

If I were smart or patient enough I would write the best spn/house au and it would be so so so good you guys.

Imagine if you will…

Non spn/human au

Dean takes care of Sammy (obv) and whenever he’s sick they go to the free clinic. John brings them once or twice. House clocks John as an alcoholic probably. Knows he’s ex military (the way Dean calls him sir etc.) and feels for the boys because we all know houses dad was a pos too. Treats John like shit but good with Sam. (Good in deans eyes, even better in Sam’s)

Eventually John stops coming around (dead? Lost custody? Idk idc) and it’s just Dean at Sammy’s apts. (maybe Bobby or Ellen in an emergency?? House could ask Sam where his brother is etc.)

House and Dean vibe even when he’s young. Dean just wants to get in and get out and not waste his or houses time. Sammy doesn’t complain either which is unlike most kids. House is an ass but Dean enjoys those visits more than when he sees other providers.

(I feel like Dean comes in one day (an adult at drinking age atp) and house wants to kill time to piss off Cuddy and Dean doesn’t wanna go back to work. This is when the primary bonding happens.)

They watch general hospital together in the exam room and talk about dr sexy. They leer at nurses and Cuddy. They talk about deans car and houses bike. Having shitty dads. Music, bad horror movies.

Dean likes Wilson too. He comes around sometimes and seems nice enough. Dean notices something is kinda up with those two but it isn’t his business. Wilson’s third wife sounds unbearable.

They don’t ever hangout or anything. (Unless? Maybe they run into each other at a bar a few times? Moody drinking and talking music or something equally them. But never intentionally hanging out) Their worlds don’t blur that much. I’m thinking more like random hijinx leading them to having several interactions (10+?) over the years.

Charlie breaks an arm or something. Benny needs stitches and won’t let Dean do it. Bobby’s been sick for two months and refuses to be seen until Dean makes him go in. STD check up (House would have a field day with this) IDK just random instances to where they have a bit of familiarity with one another.

I feel like House would call Dean “the ken doll” Winchester. Dean would flirt with Cameron and House would be delighted. Etc etc. Just random instances through out the years where they recognize and respect each other. Nothing more.

Until

Cas gets sick. Weird sick, needs houses expertise sick. No one at the clinic is taking Dean’s concerns about Cas seriously. (I feel like Cas having major personality changes would be Interesting maybe?? Like combo of godstiel/insane Cas. Maybe a seizure or two?? Idk something!) Until Dean sees House in the hallway. House agrees to see him because he likes Dean and he’s bored.

Normal medical malpractice ensues blah blah blah

But

Deans reaction to Cas being sick is unsettling to house. They’re just friends right? This is the guy Deans mentioned to him in passing before?

But why does Dean look at him (Cas) like that? Why is he holding his hand? Why did he brush the hair out of his eyes?

Dean once referred to this Cas guy as his own Wilson. But House doesn’t look at Wilson like that, does he?? *Insert House spiral here*

Wilson also gets nervous watching them together or hearing them talk about each other. I think he and Cas need to bond. Both in love with grumpy men who are too afraid to allow themselves to love.

Oooo Cas reprimanding Dean for being rude in almost identical fashion to how Wilson did to House before they entered the room. That would be hilarious.

Speaking of hilarious. Very funny to imagine the ducklings searching Deans place. (Not the bunker. Maybe Bobbys? Maybe an apt above the roadhouse?)

I just know they would have lots to say. Forced masculinity comments with the nudie magazines/calendars etc. Surprisingly good/healthy ingredients/food in the house? Dean cooks apparently. Books on mechanical engineering and fantasy/sci-fi novels.

I feel like he and Cas need to be roommates for some reason in this 🤔. Maybe Cas has just moved in? Escaped his family’s religious extremist right wing bs. Maybe he doesn’t even have a room yet??? Maybe he and Dean share.

Ducklings taking bets on if Dean and Cas are dating, besties, or in love but repressed. “Sounds like two other men best friends that we know” *foreman voice*

House saves Cas because of course he does. Dean cries and rests their foreheads together and House feels uncomfy watching this and skedaddles.

Something about seeing them together will push him and/or Wilson to make a move finally. Not sure who or how yet.

I want to write this soooooo bad but I know I’ll never finish it. Someone want to write this for me?? It would be so good I just know it!!!!