#wintergirl poem

[thewintergrl]

Voices.

Wake up.

I’m so hungry I can’t wait to be empty

I wish I had pancakes make coffee.

Paint. Watch a movie.

I want to bake a cake

No. Who will eat the cake? Me not me.

Clean your room.

Maybe I can have some bread and peanut butter.

No. Clean your room.

Think about not eating.

You are empty and light and clean.

I could dip bread in two tablespoons of syrup.

I will be empty and clean. I will have tea.

I will be strong.

But this isn’t strong. I don’t feel strong.

No. Don’t be stupid. Empty is strong.

I deserve to have something. I’m so tired.

NO. Empty is good. Don’t be weak.

But I’m so tired. There are so many stairs.

You want to be full and dirty? You want to be dragged down?

No. I want to feel happy.

Empty and light = happiness. Empty and light = strong and in control.

Okay. Empty is happiness. Empty is strong. Empty is in control.

Empty is the only way.

-The Wintergirl

[ceciliajones07]

[thequeerlibrarian]

24 Books for 2024

@megsandherbooks tagged me to show 24 books I want to read in 2024, thank you! <3

Sword Catcher by Cassandra Clare

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

Unterm Rad by Hermann Hesse

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

The Secret History by Donna Tartt Currently reading

Star Wars: The Master of Disguise by Jude Watson

Ich, Adrian Mayfield by Floortje Zwigtman CR

Versuch einer Liebe by Floortje Zwigtman

Auf Leben und Tod by Floortje Zwigtman

This is How You Lose the Time War by Max Gladstone & Amal El-Mohtar

Dann bin ich eben weg by Christine Fehér

Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

Sad Perfect by Stephanie Elliot

Elena Vanishing: A Memoir by Elena Dunkle

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath

The Collected Poems by Sylvia Plath

Fairytales by Hermann Hesse CR

Spring by Hermann Hesse

Narziss and Goldmund by Hermann Hesse CR

The Color of Magic by Terry Pratchett

Call Down the Hawk by Maggie Stiefvater

Mister Impossible by Maggie Stiefvater

Greywarn by Maggie Stiefvater

Tagging @rollingthunderpouringrain @shhaprajitasreading @justanotherghostblr @madamwayne and who wants to do this <3

[muzzlemouths]

I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS ACTUALLY.

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know

You've already answered this one, but if you're comfortable with it I'd love to hear about/compare experiences, and if not, you can just skip this one or tell us about the scariest thing you've read/written, if you're cool with that? - 🪲

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

If any of these are too serious/boring/personal/etc. feel free to skip them or substitute in a question you like better, and have a lovely night Muzz!! - 🪲

5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?

Don't show anyone an excerpt before the project is named. Can't tell you exactly why this one has me by the throat like it does, but I simply Will Not share any snippets or screenshots if the wip it's from doesn't have at least a working title yet, or the entire project feels "cheated on", somehow. Please release me from this curse.

9. Do you believe in ghosts? [Extended edition]

I'm going to answer this in a separate post because it'll take over the entirety of this one if I let it lmao

15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

I don't write in margins mostly because I write in Big Ass Letters and they'd take up the whole space. My English teacher hated it lol. As for dog earring, I do that with my journals all the time, but with actual books I'll use the closest flat object as a bookmark instead. I don't take baths so that last one's not an issue for me! But I'd probably avoid it anyways just out of anxiety tbh. No shame if you do though!

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. You guys have organization methods???

Okay, in all seriousness, there is no method. I have a gdrive folder for each of my wips and that's about as organized as it gets. Sometimes I have a "notes" document and sometimes those notes are just comments in the doc themselves and sometimes it's just the thought in parentheses that I have to remember to take out later. Some of those notes are from years prior or are old/outdated and I could remove them but I just don't.

Sometimes random scenes or lines or notes will jump into my head and I'll write them down in a notes app or someplace random and then it'll get buried or forgotten about. Sometimes I'll write scenes or excerpts and name them funny titles and those docs don't get put in their respective gdrive folder so when I need them months down the line I have to remember a sentence that was written and punch that into the search bar to see what comes up. It's hell. I have no plans to change.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I love a lot of poetry but this one from @nutnoce is on my mind constantly

As for books, I could write you entire essays about how Wintergirls changed my life (and if you're looking for the inspiration behind my entire writing style, this is it)

Fanfiction is a little harder to pinpoint. I love a lot of fics and I've come across some really breathtaking ones, but the fic I always return to is one I can't recall the name of, and which no longer exists. It was posted on an old forum website long before AO3 existed and I discovered it mere days before the entire site shut down, so I've never been able to find it again.

That said, the plot of that fic was a character coming to the realization of being trans and running away from home to Who Knows Where, and this one line from it had, and always will, haunt me to my core:

"The highway yawned endlessly forward, an outstretched hand, a familiar stranger, he was exhausted by the introduction and the time and time again he'd been made to greet it alone. The wheel under his sweaty palms offered no more control than the act of waking up every fucking day and dressing a body he didn't recognize."

[biteashardasyouwant]

you see twigs, i see logs

& that just adds fuel to the fire

[moonruntz]

I knew how much it hurt to be the daughter of people who can’t see you, not even if you are standing in front of them stomping your feet.

[burninggravity]

If I had lady-spider legs, I would weave a sky where the stars lined up.

Mattresses would be tied down tight to their trucks, bodies would never crash through windshields. The moon would rise above the wine-dark sea and give babies only to maidens and musicians who had prayed long and hard. Lost girls wouldn't need compasses or maps. They would find gingerbread paths to lead them out of the forest and home again. They would never sleep in silver boxes with white velvet sheets, not until they were wrinkled-paper grandmas and ready for the trip.

― Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls

[drunk-on-writing]

i cut myself open and out comes every lie i've ever fed myself every bite of bullshit every morsel of misconception every word i've choked down trying to convince myself that the bitter taste they left behind was actually sweet enough to swallow i need to let it out - let everything out they are hurting - not helping i cannot wonder why i always feel so sick - i know why the truth goes down like ice cold water; it cools down the heat, it gives life to the garden trying to grow inside of me i sprinkle the ground with the contents rotting inside of me one man's crap is another's fertilizer i want to take something ugly (me) (not me) (the distorted thoughts and manipulation and half truths disguised as lies that race around inside my head like a merry-go-round dialed up to eleven) and turn it into something beautiful (not me) (me) (one day, not today, but one day, me)

(cc, 2018)

[simplysemantics]

We are crayons and lunchboxes and swinging so high our sneakers punch holes in the clouds.

Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls

[thewintergrl]

My stomach is full.

It’s filled with those hurtful words they said.

All the times they acted like it never happened and that it was all In my head.

All those hurtful words I swallowed for their sake.

All the truths I never told because I knew it wouldn’t change a thing.

I swallowed it all until it consumed me.

Until it started to leak from my eyes.

Until I had to cut it out of my skin.

So I stopped eating.

Because I was already full.

Full of all the truths I never said and the hurtful words they told me.

“Forgive and forget” they’d say.

Maybe if I forgive and forget I can ignore all the hurtful words they said and truths I swallowed.

Maybe the pit In my stomach would disappear and I can feel light enough to chew again.

But I can’t forget and I don’t know how to forgive.

So I stopped eating to make room for all the pain.

All the pain I can’t seem to cut out of my skin.

Maybe I’ll learn how to forgive and forget once I learn how to float.

Maybe then I’ll be able to chew again.

But my stomach is full.

And if I stop swimming I may sink.

-wintergirl

[ceciliajones07]

“I want to uncover your secrets, the things you hide behind your lies, cause how can you truly know someone when all they do is control the whispered words they silently breathe to you” -cj

[sadwerewxlf]

I am a being of stardust and bone.

I am more skeleton than flesh

I am so close to the monsters that haunted us as children

So close to the girls we idolize on screen

I am pure and light and empty

A feather with no bird

I trace these veins hewn around lace corsets made from protruding rib cages

Which struggle to keep the wildly beating heart inside

To keep it from spouting wings and flying away

I am a wintergirl with no footprints in the snow

And I am so close to the other side

Impatiently waiting to get there

I am latelatelate

I am alive

But decomposing

Skin peeling away

Hair falling out

Shoulder blades transforming as angels

And I could scream

But I’m buried 6 feet deep under fake smiles

And it’s not you care anyway

Besides I’m swimming in a sea of rainbow trout

In a sea of violent euphoria

The kind that comes from ice cubes and toilet seats

From pretty pills

And tracing your collarbone till you forget your existence

And that’s why right now

In this classroom

I have never felt more alive

Because I am nothing

And all my insides are shiny pink and clean

No corruption by creatures that sew my clothes a little tighter every night

I lie here under a blanket of dying leaves

And thorns intertwine with roses as they suffocate my lungs

And my pelvis is a butterfly

And eventually I’ll just disintegrate

Leaving nothing but sinful ash

Could you breathe me then?

Accept that I am pollution

And find a new oxygen

To choke down your esophagus

Your words cut deeper than any box of razors

Society hangs a noose around my neck

But darling

I promise not to scream

[thequeerlibrarian]

I'm trying to reduce my screen time so I have more time to get involved in local politics, so I'm not as active as usual

Please send me a book recommendation✨

Sideblogs:

@thequeerlibrarian-studyblr

@thequeerlibrarian-fandoms

Storygraph Letterboxd

Currently reading:

Märchen by Hermann Hesse

In Weihnachtszeiten by Hermann Hesse

Das Glasperlenspiel by Hermann Hesse

Reigen by Arthur Schnitzler (for uni)

Under the Whispering Door by TJ Klune 🎧

Godkiller by Hannah Kaner 🎧

Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover

Der kleine Prinz / Le Petit Prince: Zweisprachige Ausgabe by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Ich, Adrian Mayfield by Floortje Zwigtman

Books read in 2024:

January

The Raven King by Maggie Stiefvater - 4.75/5

Sword Catcher by Cassandra Clare - 5/5

Star Wars: Darth Vader by Kieron Gillen & Salvador Larocca - 4/5

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott - 4/5🎧

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee - 5/5

Emily Wilde's Encyclopaedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett - 4/5

Yellowface by R.F. Kuang - 5/5

Star Wars: Master of Disguise by Jude Watson - 4/5

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig - 4.75/5🎧

The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur - 4/5

Dann bin ich eben weg by Christine Fehér - 4/5

Wintergirls by Laurie Anderson - 5/5

This is How You Lose the Time War by Gladstone & El-Mohtar - 2.75/5

Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur - 3.75/5

Der Steppenwolf by Hermann Hesse - 5/5🎧

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic - 5/5

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic - 5/5

The King's Men by Nora Sakavic - 5/5

Der Prozeß by Franz Kafka - 4/5🎧

February

The Atlas Six by Olivie Blake - 4.5/5

Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse - 5/5🎧

Das Schloss by Franz Kafka - 4.5/5🎧

Die Erzählungen by Franz Kafka - 4/5🎧

Star Wars: The School of Fear by Jude Watson - 4/5

Star Wars: The Shadow Trap by Jude Watson - 4/5

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath - 5/5

Star Wars: Moment of Truth by Jude Watson - 4/5

Star Wars: The Changing of the Guard by Jude Watson - 4/5

Star Wars: The False Peace by Jude Watson - 4/5

Star Wars: Final Showdown by Jude Watson - 4.5/5

Amerika by Franz Kafka - 4/5🎧

March

I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy - 5/5

Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow - 4/5

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt - 5/5🎧

Unterm Rad by Hermann Hesse - 4.75/5

A Study in Scarlet by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4/5🎧

The Sign of Four by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4/5🎧

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4/5🎧

The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4.5/5🎧

The Hound of the Baskervilles by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4.5/5🎧

Dead Poets Society by N.H. Kleinbaum - 5/5

William Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily, A New Hope by Ian Doescher - 5/5

April

The Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman - 5/5🎧

Winnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne - 5/5

Divine Rivals by Rebecca Ross - 4.5/5

Frühling by Hermann Hesse - 5/5

The Collected Poems by Sylvia Plath - 3.5/5

Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov - 3.75/5

The Subtle Knife by Phillip Pullman - 5/5🎧

Carmilla by J. Sheridan Le Fanu - 5/5

The Raven and Other Poems by Edgar Allan Poe - 5/5

May

Dune by Frank Herbert - 4.75/5🎧

The Murderbot Diaries - All Systems Red by Martha Wells - 4/5

The Return of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle -5/5🎧

The Valley of Fear by Arthur Conan Doyle - 4/5🎧

In Memoriam by Alice Winn - 5/5

His Last Bow by Arthur Conan Doyle - 5/5🎧

The Sunshine Court by Nora Sakavic - 5/5

June

The Familiar by Leigh Bardugo - 5/5🎧

That Girl by Gabriella Santos de Lima - 3.5/5🎧

Siebenmeilenherz by Katharina Winkler - 5/5

The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman - 5/5🎧

July

The Foxhole Court by Nora Sakavic (reread)

The Raven King by Nora Sakavic (reread)

The King's Men by Nora Sakavic (reread)

Narziss and Goldmund by Hermann Hesse - 5/5

The Book of Eve by Meg Clothier - 4/5 🎧

Views by Marc-Uwe Kling - 5/5 🎧

A Midsummer's Nightmare by Noah Stoffers - 4.75/5 🎧

August

David Copperfield by Charles Dickens - 2.25 🎧

Demian by Hermann Hesse - 4/5

Das große Handbuch der magischen Künste by Poppy David - 4/5

Geheimnisse der Hexen by Elsa Whyte - 4/5

Hexen: Enzyklopädie des Wunderbaren by Cécile Roumiguière - 4/5

Das grosse Handbuch der Elfen by Emily Hawkins - 4/5

September

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune - 10/5 🎧

The Secret History by Donna Tartt - 3.75/5

Ruthless Vows by Rebecca Ross - 5/5

Nils Holgerssons underbara resa genom Sverige by Selma Lagerlöf - 5/5 🎧

Emil i Lönneberga collection by Astrid Lindgren - 5/5 🎧

Mio, min Mio by Astrid Lindgren - 5/5🎧

Bröderna Lejonhjärta by Astrid Lindgren - 5/5🎧

Alla vi barn i Bullerbyn collection by Astrid Lindgren - 3/5

Lillebror och Karlsson på taket collection by Astrid Lindgren - 2/5 🎧

Barnen på Bråkmakargatan collection by Astrid Lindgren - 3/5 🎧

Ronja Rrövardotter by Astrid Lindgren - 5/5

Pippi Långstrump collection by Astrid Lindgren - 5/5 🎧

October

Tress of the Emerald Sea by Brandon Sanderson - 4/5

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke - 3/5 🎧

A Study in Drowning by Ava Reid - 4/5 🎧

November

Want by Gillian Anderson - 3/5

Die Leiden Des Jungen Werthers by J W Goethe - 3/5 (for uni)

December

Brüssel sehen und sterben by Nico Semsrott - 5/5 🎧

The Vegetarian by Han Kang - 4/5 🎧

Emilia Galotti by G E Lessing - 3/5 (for uni)

Klein und Wagner by Hermann Hesse - 3/5

Dnf in 2024:

Come back stronger by Sophia Thiel

Emma by Jane Austen

Pageboy by Elliot Page

Femina: A New History of the Middle Ages by Janina Ramírez 🎧

A Tempest of Tea by Hafsah Faizal

Norse Mythology by Neil Gaiman 🎧

Fractal Noise by Christopher Paolini 🎧

[louisegluck]

do you know any good quotes about ghosts or haunting?

“what do you know except for this haunt that i am?”

alice notley, from songs and stories of the ghouls

“we’re all of us haunted and haunting.”

chuck palahniuk, from lullaby

“may you not rest as long as i am living. you said i killed you — haunt me then.”

emily brontë, from wuthering heights

“dear ghosts, i’m sorry. who can understand? what we call history you call home.”

kathleen graber, from the eternal city: poems

“if haunting is anything, perhaps that’s what it is; time in the wrong place.”

jeanette winterson, from eight ghosts: the english heritage book of new ghost stories

“i’m a ghost that everyone can see.”

franz wright, from the beforelife: poems

“do not haunt my soul; i have done well forgetting you.”

jack kerouac, from on the road

“and ghosts must do again what gives them pain.”

w.h. auden, from the question

“it’s a ghost story. is it frightening? no, but it’s a bit sad.”

valeria luiselli, from faces in the crowd

“what is a ghost? something dead that seems to be alive. something dead that doesn’t know it’s dead.”

richard siken, from landscape with fruit rot and millipede

“& you know now, that anything alone is a haunting & any two things together is a terror.”

yves olade, from the miracle mille

“you are so vulnerably haunting; your eeriness is terrifyingly irresistible.”

franz kafka, letters to milena

“in one aspect, yes, i believe in ghosts, but we create them. we haunt ourselves.”

laurie halse anderson, wintergirls

“of all ghosts the ghosts of our old loves are the worst.”

sir arthur conan doyle, the memoirs of sherlock holmes

“nature is a haunted house⏤but art⏤is a house that tries to be haunted.”

emily dickinson, from the complete poems

“to live is to be haunted.”

philip k. dick, from flow my tears, the policeman said

“one need not be a chamber to be haunted, one need not be a house; the brain has corridors surpassing material place.”

emily dickinson, from the complete poems

[iluvcutestuff]

poem #1

She smelt of cigarettes and incense, She was all kinds of beautiful I could see the blue summer sky in her eyes, But she was more of a wintergirl. Small and petite Fragile like a bird, With hollow bones Her lips as soft as feather. and just like a bird she flew away....

[the-finch-address]

10, 20, 30, and 40!

I like your asking style. Did you read my notes about my favoritism for numbers ending in 0 or was this interaction just meant to be? Fate, you could say.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

The entirety of Wintergirls haunted me (hey guys have I mentioned wintergirls before? have I told you guys about wintergirls? it's this book ab—) but I can't say any other novels have. At least, not in a profoundly positive way. The Crank Series did something irreversible to me but who's to say what.

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

Yeah life works hard but I work harder because I'm already engaged to my one true love and every single day with them does bring me eternal happiness. So jot that down.

...would be nice to finish a wip though 🤔

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I either don't dream at all for weeks at a time or I dream for hours every night for a week, there's never an in between. When I do dream, they're incredibly vivid, and I definitely think that contributes to my ideas. The grand majority of my wips came from dreams, or were inspired by something/someone in the dream.

The Dog Yard was the exception. After almost a decade without a new wip idea (like I was on the brink of Giving Up, you understand), I woke up one night in a literal cold sweat and blindly grabbed for my notebook and poured out an entire setting, cast, and rough plot in a dissociative state. It felt like my head was vomiting and I couldn't get it out fast enough. To clarify, I didn't dream. I fell asleep, then three hours something possessed me for no apparent reason, and now here we are.

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

I'm pretty sure this means a published work but I just recently started writing poetry again, so you're getting mine instead.