#winnie is FREAKED THE FUCK OUT???¿

[winniemaywebber]

so which one of you guys is working for Papier, huh??? HUH??? 👁👁

[adozentothedawn]

Shit that scared me as a child that I still get made fun of for because it still kinda makes me cringe

The pink Elephants in Dumbo

The Hephalump song from a Winnie Pooh movie

The Teletubbie vacuum

The stupid murderous cardboard robot from Logan's Run

[dashiellqvverty]

"scary animatronic" genre is so funny to me. bestie im already scared of regular fully functioning state of the art animatronics

[belokhvostikova]

𝐄𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐮𝐧𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

⤷ Comprised collection of work categorized by standalones or multi-part series. Majority of my work will contain explicit sexual content, so if stated: 𝐌𝐢𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐬, 𝐝𝐨 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭. Any and all feedback, constructive criticism, and comments are welcome.

Do 𝐧𝐨𝐭 repost, 𝐝𝐨 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 — Updated as of August 31st, 2024

─── ౨ৎ 𝐒𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬

The Yearbook: Club Pictures | Completed

The Hawkins High 1986 Yearbook is set to encapsulate the '85-'86 school year, capturing all students and memorabilia from the momentous year—with an exception, though... Hellfire. And as a valued member of the Yearbook Committee, Eddie Munson had placed a target on your back to protect himself.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold | Ongoing | 18+

Winnie Ambrose had had enough of Eddie Munson. A cheat, dirty, no good, lying scumbag whose only worth was found in his eight inch cock. But enough was enough, and Eddie Munson was bound to pay his dues. Devising a plan of revenge, Winnie entrust you, her best friend, to hurt the man who hurt others. It was simple: make him fall in love, and crush his heart. Only, you hadn’t expected to fall deeper than intended… and neither did he.

─── ౨ৎ 𝐎𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

Sensual Brutality | 18+

Porn with no plot.

Dustin Fucking Henderson | 18+

In the simplest terms, Dustin Henderson has essentially become Eddie Munson's biggest cock block.

Sweet, Little Bunny | 18+

Perhaps the karma gods of the world were just as perverted as Hawkins’ residential Freak, Eddie Munson, himself, as the perfect opportunity to lay his hands on you arose when you go searching for helpless students to tutor.

You’re Gonna Break His Little Heart | 18+

What was supposed to be a summer vacation to your boyfriend's hometown, turned into God's greatest test of morality against you. In other words, you basically fuck your boyfriend's best friend, Eddie Munson.

The One Where Everybody Finds Out | 18+

Your secret fling with Eddie Munson hadn't gone entirely under wraps, particularly to the know-it-all, Dustin Henderson. With the help of Robin and Steve, the three conspire to reveal the truth, resulting in two of the most awkward people going on a date together...

The “Plug” | 18+

A night after Homecoming has you reveling in the loneliness of your mind, but a drug dealer "meandering" his way by is there to solve your issues, especially after finding a particular toy of yours.

Interrogations with the Unconscious

After five months of no reconciliation with the man whose lifestyle became too much for you to manage, you're met with your ex-boyfriend, the rockstar, after an accident leaves you in the hospital, and you face the realization that Eddie Munson is still your emergency contact.

The Boy is Mine (Sienna’s Version)

There comes a period where most relationships fall stale, yet Eddie never thought it'd happen to him and you, in fact, maybe even worse. With an intimate date planned in the comfort of your home, Eddie hopes to coax whatever thoughts are troubling your mind.

In the Room Where You Sleep | 18+

Halloween had stamped itself as Hawkins' favorite time of the year, where teenager party and murderers prow. And you come face-to-face with that, when a particular masked man takes a special interest in you.

─── ౨ৎ 𝐁𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐛𝐬

Eddie’s Boyish Antics

Eddie’s Pregnancy Shenanigans

Eddie’s Very Metal Lesson

Eddie’s Pregnancy Rules

Eddie’s Smutty Allergies | 18+

Eddie’s Situationship 18+

Eddie’s Really Bad Joke | 18+

Eddie’s Reassurance | 18+

[tea-and-secrets]

dont wanna rush you mod but i need advice for real before tomorrow night

this is a long ramble im so high + freaking out + need advice so damn bad last night i got way too high drank one + a half bottles of cheap gross wine + ate way fucking too much taco bell + tried to suck my own cock + turns out i can get at the head im flexible af im a career poledancer + got hyper mobility bs + not to brag too much but my dicks too long to be near normal so thankfully i can reach + truly is a shame im strictly a bottom but put that side note aside for a sec ignore the cock brag im still too high i smoked way too much this morning + im hung over + freaking out but ignore it all 'cause that fuck ass $60 ish worth of taco bell i scarfed down half an hour before i started the blowing must have decided on violence 'cause tragedy unfolded right when i shot my load a second type of blowing attacked me i shat myself real bad like explosive diarrhea after being constipated for days it was kinda a relief feeling to my body to be honest but put it aside guys i shat massively right in my bed the pink stuffed cat my mom gave me when i came out as gay was a casualty im still grieving her genuinely rest in peace winnie i pray i can get you clean but thats beside the point + i was sitting there with my own cum all over my face + some in my hair + actual liquid shit on my thighs + sitting in a puddle of my own bodily waste but now my one and only bedsheet i own which is or i guess was cute as fuck all light colours with hello kitty patterns on it has a gigantic disgusting horrific huge brown stain with matching splatter stains all around it like the war crime of my mancunt is so damn obvious theres no possible way to mistake that stain for anything else + even though i sprinted to wash the sheet mere seconds after the flood ceased after i swiftly wiped my poor bottom half enough not to drip as i ran the stain wont fucking leave what do i do i have the hottest bear in the solar sytem coming over tomorrow night 7 pm we just went steady hes coming over to abuse my prostate til i cry + then cuddle my twink ass to sleep + only 6 dollars in my account + car broke down on thursday + no second hand stores i can walk or bus to so i cant get new sheets even for cheap + i could not stand to fucking cancel on him i love him so damn much + our work schedules mean we only see each other once a damn month or sometimes twice if god takes pity on his fags + im actually crying in anxiety i havent seen another human being irl face to face in 32 days i work from home + everyones busy i feel like im gonna die if i cant see the living work of art that is my boyfriend + i need that strap impaling me + i need those hairy tits smothering me half to death + i mean i doubt hed think less of me or leave me over anus disaster stains but id rather take a swim with cement shoes than embarrass myself in front of him + hed probably not want to fuck and cuddle me on the manhole blast stained hello kitty bedsheets i really wouldnt blame him + chat i for real think im starting to have a whole panic attack for the love of christ somebody help

.

[thechaoticdruid]

[Eat Your Heart!]

(This Bites: Valentines Day special)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby MC

Plot: Winnie hates Valentines Day, having never been able to celebrate it with a lover before, but now that she has Astarion perhaps it'll change?

C/W: Suggestive themes, Sexual humor, random bigoted asshole encounter, fluffy goodness.

This Bites Chapters: One, Two, Three, Four,

Winnie turned on the television and internally groaned as she noticed a commercial come on. It was one advertising chocolates for her least favorite holiday. Valentine’s Day. Or as Winnie liked to call it Singles Awareness Day.

“God, I hate couples.” Winnie huffed a bit, glaring at the man and woman on the screen, sharing chocolates. How dare they shove their happiness in her face! 

“Meow!” Maddie hopped up onto the bed and took her place on Winnie’s lap, gently headbutting her ribs. 

“You get me, don't you baby?” Winnie asked as she looked down at the raven-haired feline, running a hand over her little head.

“Murp!” The cat made a strange little noise in response before leaning her head into Winnie’s hand and purring.  Winnie smiled softly and rubbed the cat's head before looking over at her phone. Mom and Brian were out of town, apparently going on a romantic trip for Valentine's Day which was tomorrow. 

Stupid candy heart holiday!

Winnie looked over posts online to see what everyone was doing. Her old friends from highschool were all happy and celebrating with their spouses the selfish pricks. How dare they be happy goddamnit! Winnie huffed before noticing Becca from work had posted an update about how she was going out with some girl she met at a con tomorrow and how excited she was about it.

No Becca! Not you too!

Winnie groaned and fell back on her bed. Maddie tilted her head curiously before hopping up on Winnie’s chest and sniffing at her face. 

“Ughhh…. I need some ice cream.” The brunette-haired female picked the cat up before setting her on the side of the bed and getting up.  Winnie walked into the kitchen and opened the freezer, getting a small container of chocolate ice cream out before closing the door to the fridge. She grabbed a spoon before heading back to the bedroom. 

Winnie sat back down on her bed, trying to turn the television on something more interesting to watch as the window to her bedroom suddenly opened. Winnie nearly dropped her spoon as the silver haired vampire elf crawled inside her home. 

“J-Jesus!” Winnie cursed, “for fucks sake Astarion! No one is home but me. You can use a door!” 

“I suppose I've developed a habit of coming in this way.” He said with a little giggle at the end. Astarion had something in his hand as he shut the window behind him. A little bit of blood ran down the corner of his mouth. He'd just been out hunting and was able to drain a plethora of raccoons, possums and even a large deer to boot.   Maddie’s tail shot up and curled into a hook shape as she padded over towards Astarion, immediately rubbing against his legs with a pur. 

“Oh, hello darling,” Astarion smiled and reached down to pet the cat. “I brought you something.”

Winnie’s eyes widened in complete horror as she noticed there was a bird in his hand. A small lifeless looking bird.  He held it out to Maddie who immediately sniffed it before prodding it with her paw.  

“Astarion! You can't just bring dead animals to my cat!” Winnie freaked out, setting her snack to the side before grabbing some tissues from her table. She scooped the bird up into them.

“It's not-” Astarion tried to cut in, but Winnie opened the window, and the bird suddenly sprang to life, pecking her hand before flying out the window.  

“Fuck!” Winnie cursed.

“Oh, now look at what you've done. You've ruined my gift to our precious little pet.” 

“She's MY pet and I don't want her killing birds in the house!” Winnie hissed before rubbing her hand where she'd been pecked. 

God, I hope that thing didn't have a disease….

Winnie sighed and closed the window before getting back onto her bed and sitting. Astarion pouted before sitting on the bed next to her.

“You're awfully snappy this evening.” 

Winnie sighed, “sorry. It's this damn holiday. It always rubs me the wrong way.”  Winnie said, grabbing her ice cream and spooning some into her mouth. 

“What holiday, love?” He asked, sprawling out over the bed and laying his head on her thigh. 

“Oh right, you don't know. It's Valentine's Day. Uh…It's a holiday celebrating romance and candy people really like to sell candy on it.” Winnie said, “people usually give their lovers gifts like chocolate and flowers on it.” 

“Oh, that sounds positively dreadful!” Astarion said sarcastically.

“It is if you've been single all your life and people are rubbing their happiness in your face!” Winnie exclaimed. “I hate it.” 

“Darling, you have me now, remember? And I would be happy to join in on any romantic festivities…as long as it's with you.” Astarion smiled softly, looking up at Winnie with soft round puppy-like eyes. Winnie blushed and bit and cleared her throat.

“I-I guess I didn't think about that…I've just been single for as long as I can remember." Winnie set her ice cream to the side table.  

“Of course I haven't been able to enjoy chocolate for the past two centuries, but I'm sure you'll think of something else for us to enjoy.” Astarion smiled and laid across Winnie’s lap. Since the brunette-haired woman had begun dating courting him the two of them got a bit more comfortable with one another.  Snuggles and hugs were pretty casual now, but they still tended to catch Winnie off guard. She enjoyed them, but it still felt so weird for a man to be so affectionate with her. 

Winnie’s brother was raised the old fashion way, taught to be tough and stoic and that hugging was for sissies so needless to say he wasn't very cuddly. Her biological father wasn't the type of person you wanted touching you.  And Brian pfft…As if she'd ever hug Brian! The fucking prick.

So really, she'd only known affection from other women. And it was all platonic. This just felt so weird. It was nice, but weird. 

“Well, Valentine's Day isn't until tomorrow, but we can go out tomorrow night and do something then?” Winnie suggested.

“Sounds lovely.” Astarion hummed.

“Still, it's too bad you can't actually taste normal food. I would have gotten you a bunch of candy hearts.” Winnie smiled, leaning back a little as she experimentally ran her fingers through his soft white locks. 

“The only heart I'd find myself wanting to eat would be yours I'm afraid.” Astarion joked with a mischievous chuckle, leaning up and laying his head on Winnie’s large pillowy chest as he snuggled against her. 

“The way it speeds up just for me is so…. mouthwatering.” He purred, nuzzling against Winnie. 

“I kinda need my heart you know…” Winnie huffed with a pout.

“Just teasing, my dear.” Astarion hummed, eyes closed as he listened to the comforting sound of her heartbeat, his arms wrapped around her plush waist as he cuddled on top of her. She honestly felt so soft and cushy to the vampire.  Winnie blushed a bit, leaning back with a yawn as she ran her fingers through the vampire’s curls. 

“You just gonna sleep on me tonight?” 

“Perhaps…” 

Winnie giggled slightly, “Okay…” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day Winnie went to work as normal, leaving an Astarion alone at the house with the instructions to NOT get into any trouble. Which for most of the part he didn't. He mostly laid around, played with Maddie, hate-watched some gods awful vampire TV series, placed one of the dog’s ‘surprises’ into Brian's shoes and took a long relaxing bubble bath while using one of Winnie’s mother's facemasks. 

Winnie on the other hand spent the day stocking shelves and cleaning floors at the CornerStore. 

She had to deal with some middle aged lady who repeatedly kept asking where they kept their grills despite the fact that Winnie tried to calmly explain that they did not sell grills at the store and that she should try the Superstore across town.

It was honestly one huge stressful mess and eventually Becca had to come over and ask the woman to leave when she noticed the lady raising her voice at Winnie.

After the workday ended Winnie headed back home on her motorcycle. She had to keep her mind from wandering off to tonight's events, but it was hard! Winnie was filled with both anxiety and excitement at the prospect of being able to spend this Valentine's Day with a romantic companion.

Eventually she made it back and parked in the empty driveway of her home. The neighborhood was mostly quiet aside from the distant sounds of dogs barking and children shouting from their yards. The sun was slowly setting and soon Astarion would be able to leave the house with her. She entered her home, stretching out her arms before walking towards her room.

“Astarion, I'm home.” She called.

“Welcome back, my love.” The vampire greeted, a book in hand as he laid on her bed, wearing a black tank and grey shorts.  Winnie blinked as she noticed the book in his hands, his fingers obscured the cover, but she had a bad feeling she knew what book that was. 

“Uh…What are you reading?” Winnie asked. 

“I never pegged you to be into such scandalous literature. It appears my sweet innocent little Winnie isn't so innocent after all.” Astarion purred. Winnie quickly went over and tried to grab the book from him, her face burning bright red with embarrassment. 

“Give that here!” She shouted, but Astarion immediately got off the bed and held the book up high and out of reach. Winnie was able to see it had been a graphic novel, an erotic BL manga that she'd gotten as a gift back in her senior year of high school from one of the nerdy girls she used to be friends with.  She had only read it once…. Okay maybe twice, but that was it!

“Tut tut, you didn't ask nicely. Naughty girl. ~” 

Winnie growled in frustration.

“Give it back Astarion!” She hissed before trying to grab hold of his arm and pull it down so she could grab the book. However, she had absolutely no luck.

Do…. I suddenly have noodle arms or is he suddenly much stronger!? 

Astarion was snickering, a wide shit eating grin on his face as he kept the book out of his darling’s reach. Eventually however the two of them tumbled back onto the bed in the scuffle, Winnie grunted as she fell on top of him.  Winnie grunted and Astarion then tossed the book to the side before rolling over on top.

“Hey!” Winnie whined, “get off!” 

“Ask a bit nicer and I may consider it, sweetheart.” 

Winnie glared at him, cheeks flushing with both embarrassment and a little bit of something else as he pinned her to the bed.

“Fine…. Please…Let me up…” Winnie muttered. 

“Good girl. ~” The elf said cheekily, planting a quick peck on the female’s face. Astarion rolled over and got off of Winnie, allowing her up.

“You know, I'm only teasing about the book. I really don't care about what little fantasies get you going, darling.” He giggled before tossing the novel back at her.  

“You don't need to be an ass about it.” Winnie muttered before taking the manga and putting it away (this time somewhere different).

“If it would make you feel better, I might be willing to indulge your fantasies one day. Once you're ready of course!” 

“I…. How would you…? NEVERMIND! The sun will be down soon! And I need to get ready….We need to get ready!” Winnie stated, her face looking all pink. 

“As you wish my sweet.” Astarion smiled before glancing over to the clothes he'd had been given. 

He decided to change into some pants while Winnie went into the bathroom with a bundle of her own clothing.  Astarion dressed before looking at the black hoodie Winnie normally had him wear. The white-haired vampire rolled his eyes at it before noticing Winnie’s own jacket hung up in the closet. It was a dark purple hoodie which radiated with her scent. Astarion grabbed hold of it before sliding it on. It didn't fit quite right. It was a bit loose around the chest and waist while almost being too short for him to wear, but he couldn't help but find comfort in the smell. Lavender and cherry blossoms. It made him feel at ease. 

Winnie came out of the bathroom a few minutes later dressed in a red blouse-like shirt with a heart shaped hole over the chest and black tights which hugged smugly around her thick thighs. She was running a brush through her hair as she looked over at him. “You know my hoodie doesn't fit you right?” 

“Gods forbid you let me wear anything with a little bit of color!” Astarion pouted. 

“I'm not saying you can't borrow it…It's just. I’ll buy you your own if you want one.” Winnie offered.

“No!” Astarion said quickly, “I-mean don't bother, you probably won't be able to find another one this comfortable!” The pale elf insisted. 

Winnie sighed, “Whatever. Let's just go…Oh wait…” Winnie looked around in her dresser before taking out a black beanie. She got on her tippy toes before placing it over his head and covering his elf ears. 

“You’re messing up my hair…Winnie…” Astarion complained and glared down at the short female.

“I always fix it for you, don't I?” Winnie shrugged before grasping Astarion's hair. “Come on! The sun's gone down!”  The two left, hopping onto Winnie's motorcycle and driving off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tall brightly lit lamp posts surrounded the archery range as the love birds paid their way in and rented a pair of bows before walking up to the ring. Winnie scrunched her nose as they passed another couple who absolutely reeked of booze. She'd noticed them arrive in some huge camo SUV with deer antlers mounted to the hood and an obnoxiously loud radio playing.

The archery targets were set up past the fence, all set up in a horizontal line and each one was moved further back than the one that came before. Winnie struggled to hold her bow correctly, grunting in frustration as the arrow would slide out of place.

“My sweet, let me help you.” Astarion said, carefully adjusting Winnie’s hands.  She took a deep breath before pulling the around back and shooting it. It fell right onto the ground almost immediately after being shot. 

“Ah! I suck at this!” Winnie huffed. 

“Well, you're still much better at it than Gale.” Astarion smiled a bit. 

“...Thanks….” Winnie said, not sure if being better than Gale was really that great a compliment.

“Try again, love.” Astarion said before moving to help Winnie. He stood close behind her, chest against her back as he positioned her hands, this time guiding them to pull back the bowstring. He had her pull it back as far as it would go before releasing it. The arrow shot across the range and hit the side of one of the targets.

“Whoa!” Winnie smiled, “I actually hit it!” Astarion adjusted her hands once again and helped her notch another arrow, this time hitting closer to the center of the target. 

“Okay! Okay! I'm going to try by myself this time!” She cheered. The elf watched her fondly. He found her giddiness positively adorable.

She pulled back the arrow before letting it go and it went about five feet before falling to the ground.

“Oh goddamnit!” Winnie swore, attracting the attention of onlookers. 

“You did better this time, darling. But perhaps you should take a break, hm?” Astarion suggested and patted her shoulder. 

“Yeah .... I guess so .... How about you shoot some?” Winnie asked. 

“I suppose I could.” Astarion hummed before planting a kiss on Winnie’s cheek. “But don't get upset when I upstage you.”

“No, by all means! Don't be afraid to show off!” Winnie smiled at him. Astarion smirked before taking the bow and notching an arrow. He pulled it all the way before letting it go and immediately hitting a bullseye on his first try.

A make-up-caked woman with short red hair and ruby red lipstick looked over from where she stood next to a tall beefy man in a leather vest, her eyes wide with amazement.  

Winnie clapped, a grin forming on her lips.

“Keep going Star! That was awesome!” She cheered.

Astarion shot another arrow at the next target immediately hitting another bullseye. Most of the targets he'd been used to usually moved so this was honestly way too easy.  Winnie followed Astarion as he hit the targets one after another each with a flawless technique.  

And he even shot one backwards.

Okay I said you could show off, but this is a little much….

“Astarion-” Winnie began before suddenly the red headed lady marched over and pushed her out of the way. 

“That was amazing! Where did you learn how to do that?” She asked, eyes leering over Astarion now that the woman was able to get a better look at him.  

“It’s all instinct really.” The elf replied with a smug, confident look. He appeared to be eating up the praise.

“It's very impressive. You must be very strong.~” She purred, moving to stand closer before placing a hand on his arm, feeling it up. Astarion grimaced and looked at the woman with a flash of disgust.  Winnie glared over at the woman with annoyance. 

Seriously? This is the second time some floozy thinks it's okay to invade Star’s personal space! 

“Look lady, he doesn't like people being all touch-” Winnie was about to try to run the woman off before suddenly the man she'd previously been with stomped over towards the three.

“HEY! Get the hell away from MY wife!” He snapped. 

“Apologies, it seems your lady has had a little too much to drink.” Astarion said, removing the woman's hand from his shoulder as if she was carrying some kind of disease. 

“Are you saying she's not good enough for you!? What are you gay!?” The man pushed through, he reeked of alcohol just as much as his wife did it seemed. Winnie furrowed her brows at the man's ridiculousness. He clearly just wanted any reason to fight. Astarion seemed a bit confused at his question.

“Not at the moment. Nothing really to be cheerful about currently.” 

“You being smart with me, pretty boy?!” The man shouted. Astarion was trying to remain civil for Winnie’s sake but the bastard was really trying his patience. Astarion wasn't permitted to have a knife, Winnie made sure of it but the vampire spawn claws he'd grown while here definitely weren't for looks. Wouldn't be too hard to poke a hole in this cunt’s windpipe if he was quick. 

“No. Not at all.” Astarion replied, “I was simply answering your question.” Astarion had a fake smile on his face, but Winnie could see the irritation in his eyes. If this didn't resolve itself quickly someone was going to get hurt.

“You think you're real funny don't you, you fucking faggot!?” The man snarled. 

“You know I've been called a lot of things, but that…I've never heard of. Probably not a very intelligent insult by any means.” Astarion chuckled a bit, his smile turning more sinister. Fingers clenched as his claws prepared to strike. The bigoted drunkard seemed about ready to blow his top and start throwing punches.  The floozy wife just seemed to be giggling and enjoying the chaos, not even caring if someone got hurt.  Winnie had to act fast before this turned to bloodshed. Before anyone could say another word she grabbed her bow and an arrow before desperately aiming towards the parking lot. She pulled it as far as it would go, almost instinctively remembering how Astarion showed her earlier. 

The arrow flew across the range and hit the drunk couple’s SUV right in the headlights, almost immediately sounding the car alarm. 

“What?” The bigoted man tore his head away from Astarion before suddenly his wife shouted.

“Fuck! That's our car!” She took off running. 

“Goddamn it! Who's breaking into my baby!” The man yelled before running off. 

“Well, that was rather convenient.” Astarion said before Winnie grabbed his arm. 

“This was fun, but it's time to go!” Winnie said before dragging him off and abandoning the bows they'd rented at the range. It took a moment for Astarion to realize that Winnie had been the one to cause a distraction.

“This was your doing? You sneaky little devil! I'm so proud, my love!” 

“Yeah yeah whatever now let's get out of here before we get arrested!” Winnie pressed, dragging the giggling elf with her back to her motorcycle. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I hate that some assholes had to ruin our Valentine's Day. God, I swear nothing good ever comes from this holiday.” Winnie huffed as she sat down on a blanket.  Her and Astarion had made a little picnic on a hill out in the woods not too far from Winnie’s home. Winnie had gotten the idea of trying to head somewhere more private when she'd stopped at a rest stop on their way after the fiasco at the archery range. 

“I wouldn't say that. You and I still get to spend plenty of alone time together.” Astarion said and scooted closer towards her.  Winnie looked up at the sky. 

“I suppose you're right about that. Brian and mom won't be back for a couple of days…” Winnie scooted a bit closer towards Astarion and leaned against him. 

“I…Uh…I have something for you…. Winnie…” Astarion looked off to the side before taking something out of his pocket. 

It was a small box of heart shaped chocolates. 

“I'd still much rather sink my teeth into a different heart, but I'd imagine you'd prefer this.” 

“Astarion…This is so sweet….Thank you….” Winnie took the box and nibbles on one of the chocolates, a smile stretched across her face from ear to ear. Astarion simply snuggled against her, planting a kiss on her forehead.

“When did you even buy ... .? Wait a moment…You stole these didn't you?” 

“Ah….I may have done that….Yes…ah ha ha…” 

Winnie let out a long sigh.

“What am I going to do with you?” She rolled her eyes before wrapping her arms around his neck and leaned in, nuzzling her nose against his. Astarion smiled and nuzzled back, the two pressing their foreheads together.

“Just hold me…” He whispered.

The two love birds were completely unaware as a figure watched them from far away. The figure was slender and corpse-like. 

“Thou doth not know what thy actions will bring. It is only a matter of time.” The figure's echo of a voice rang out. 

End.

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain, @iamsexytrash, @tiedyedghoulette, @hp-art-studio , @gaymistakeboi , @the-disaster-in-waiting, @misscrissfemmefatale, @divineknightmare, @marcynomercy, @gianchan-de, @tinyfreakgirl, @jaksfanficsaver, @im-just-a-simp-le-whore, @dajeong

IDK, but Tumblr would not let me tag some of y'all, but I will notify you when the next parts come out!

[calciumcryptid]

My Mother Watches We Are [ Ep 11 - 12 ]

*continues the dog jokes*

*crying over water motif*

Phum: Stay here, please.

Mother: That is the scariest part, he said please.

She loves Tan and TanFang so much.

*so many PhumPeem pet play jokes*

Mother: Oh, Phum thinks they're married.

*makes remarks about Q being suspicious of PhumPeem*

*giggling about QToey*

Phum: -so I can take care of you.

Mother: Okay daddy.

*snorts at the cat noises*

*giggling at TanFang*

Mother: The cast is not beating the dog allegations.

*After making a joke about Phum and Peem doing the nasty in the campus art studio, she proceeded to tell me how she physically disabled several campus cameras so she and others could get away with having sex*

*giggling over TanFang sex scene*

*giggling over PhumPeem in the art studio*

*face going somber when Kluen shows up*

She called Title attractive though (that is Aou, Winny, Poon, and now Title).

Mother: Peem should invite Kluen to the hangout.

Me: Why?

Mother: I want to see Phum piss on Peem again.

*freaks out at Phums confession*

*hollering at Peem's challenge*

*more dog jokes*

She finally realized Winny is Win from My School President (I am so proud; we have yet to get to Sound in that series).

*giggling over PhumPeem flirting era*

Mother: Wait, this whole time Toey and Peem have been brothers?

Me: No. It is a pseudo-brothership.

Mother: Oh thank god, I thought I missed something important.

*giggling and laughing over PhumPeem*

*giggling over ChainPun*

Mother: Come on Peem, you heard your aunt, take your Chow Chow on a walk.

There isn't much to add for a bit, mainly giggling over how cute everyone is.

She greatly dislikes the parents.

*cries over the hug*

*cries over TanFang*

Mother: THEY ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE-

*dies over the train scene*

*dies over the seafood joke*

*dies over the pony*

*cries over PhumPeem*

[disillusioneddanny]

The Bats and TTPD Songs

This is just me sharing what songs I think matches each of the bats and why :> i take no criticism /j

Bruce Wayne-- Cassandra

Hear me out okay, the lyrics:

So, they killed Cassandra first 'cause she feared the worst And tried to tell the town So they filled my cell with snakes, I regret to say Do you believe me now?

This whole song just reminds me of Bruce and his contingencies, like he's constantly prepared for any situation and he's had people who have gotten mad at him for it before.

Dick Grayson-- Who's Afraid of Little Old Me

God where do I even start? I want to write a whole fucking fic based off of this song and Dick Grayson.

So I leap from the gallows and I levitate down your street Crash the party like a record scratch as I scream "Who's afraid of little old me?" I was tame, I was gentle 'til the circus life made me mean "Don't you worry, folks, we took out all her teeth" Who's afraid of little old me? Well, you should be

In this case, he was bright eyed and innocent until his parents were killed in front of him. Then he became Robin, then Nightwing and this man went through fucking hell and he has survived.

Everyone sees Dick for his smiles and his kindness but this man should not be crossed by any means. He's fucking lethal and has gone through so much shit in his life and he's just not the same bright eyed, innocent kid he once was. And you should be scared of him.

Jason Todd--Robin

So technically this song is about Christopher Robin from winnie the pooh, but I think it also captures Jason really well.

You have no idea The time will arrive for the cruel and the mean You'll learn to bounce back just like your trampoline But now we'll curtail your curiosity In sweetness Way to go, Tiger Higher and higher Wilder and lighter For you

I feel like this song focuses a lot on loss of innocence and growing up tbh, like the person this song is aimed at has no idea how hard the world is, how painful things can be but that they'll learn to handle it and bounce back. IDK the first time I heard it, it reminded me of how Jason believed that Robin is magic and maybe even like Bruce or Dick singing this to him knowing what was going to happen to him one day.

Tim Drake -- Clara Bow

okay, so there's not just one lyric that really sticks out to me but the overarching story that this song tells. It's all about being replaced with the next big thing. Taylor Swift is compared to Stevie Nicks who is compared to Clara Bow and one day T. Swift is going to be replaced with something shiny and new and that just reminds me of Tim.

Tim is the third Robin, he replaced Jason who replaced Dick and one day he himself is going to be replaced. There's a lot of HC where he's aware of this fact, that he knows that his role as Robin is not a permanent thing, that one day, he too will be replaced. And eventually, he is.

"You look like Taylor Swift In this light We're loving it. You've got edge she never did The future's bright ... Dazzling."

Cassandra Wayne -- The Albatross

okay Cass was really hard for me at first to pin down what song fit her but then I listened to The Albatross and holy cow.

The devil that you know Looks now more like an angel I'm the life you chose And all this terrible danger So cross your thoughtless heart She's the albatross She is here to destroy you

I don't know quite how to explain how this song makes me think of Cass except for how it just makes me think about how she decided to take her life in her own hands and become her own person. She was pretty much created with one thing in mind and that was all that was expected of her but she's become so much more than that. Now she's strong and powerful but in more ways than just how David Cain made her out to be. She's caring and loving and she's going to destroy the idea that she was ever just a weapon.

Stephanie Brown -- I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

Listen, listen, this woman has been through so freaking much and she has come out on top and with a smile on her face the entire time. She is resilient and she isn't scared to fight Bruce Wayne himself if she needs to.

'Cause I'm a real tough kid, I can handle my shit They said, "Babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and I did

I know this song is about dealing with a break up but when I hear it, i think of everything that Steph has been through. Her dad who's a rogue, her mom who is struggling with addiction, getting pregnant and giving her baby up for adoption, not being considered good enough to be Robin, the list goes on and on and yet she does it. She rolls with the punches and she swallows it down and she smiles through it all and I just friggen love Stephanie Brown so much.

Duke Thomas -- Florida!!!

Admittedly, I don't know as much about Duke as the others (I'm so sorry, I just haven't gotten there in the comics quite yet, I'm just now getting to the aftermath of the Red Robin run and I haven't read New 52 yet. so this is purely based off of WFA )

Little did you know your home's really only The town you'll get arrested So you pack your life away just to wait out The shitstorm back in Texas

This song just makes me think about Duke because from what I've learned, kid's been through a lot and he's had to move in with the Waynes after what happened to his parents. I think of Florida as a song of starting over, picking up your broken pieces and finding yourself once again and that just feels like Duke.

He's been hurt and he's now having to figure out what to do and where to run. Now he's with the Waynes and he's slowly finding his place with their insanity.

Damian Wayne-- thanK you aIMee

Okay but imagine this song is Damian at Ra's al Ghul okay? Stick with me buddy.

I built a legacy that you can't undo But when I count the scars, there's a moment of truth That there wouldn't be this if there hadn't been you

And maybe you've reframed it And in your mind, you never beat my spirit black and blue I don't think you've changed much

Damian has grown so much since the days he was still with the LOA and he recognizes that not only has he grown but he's done it DESPITE what Ra's did to him and that maybe a part of him is created by Ra's and he has learned to love that part of himself and he recognizes he wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Ra's and his mother being conniving and evil. He's created a name for himself as Robin that goes against so much of what Ra's brainwashed him to believe.

Barbara Gordon-- The Bolter

And I can confirm she made A curious child, ever reviled By everyone except her own father With a quite bewitching face Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless Excellent fun till you get to know her Then she runs like it's a race

This song just gives the brave, strong, independent vibes of Babs. Someone who lives her life to the fullest and embraces who she is. She's just powerful and she knows that she's amazing and she doesn't expect anything less from herself. She has gone through hell and she's come out of it stronger. She rolls with the punches, she doesn't let it stop her from her dreams, her desires.

Alfred Pennyworth-- I Hate it Here

I hate it here so I will go to Secret gardens in my mind People need a key to get to The only one is mine

This song just makes me think of Alfred when Jason died. That time where it's just him and Bruce and he's struggling to take care of his ward and he's also going through his own grief and unable to heal. I think Alfred has his own methods for taking care of himself, I think he's like the world's greatest compartmentalizer.

oh my god that got so freaking long lol. I'm so sorry. Anyway, y'all can listen to these specific songs here

[ddejavvu]

mei i absolutely CANNOT wait for another day do you think we can get a little snippet of love to lie part 3 just to keep us going pretty please with sugar on top? 🥺

so the thing about love to lie part three 😭 IT'S NOT DONE. i feel so fucking bad, especially because of how sweet everyone has been about parts one and two, but i thought when i posted part one surely i'll have enough time in two weeks to finish part three!! and i was mostly correct!! i finished damn near all of it!! i only have one scene left to write!! and i have a good chunk of time tonight, and i have a habit of waiting until the last minute and absolutely powering through my deadlines, so there's still a good chance it'll be posted totally on schedule, but just in case it's not, please accept this snippet as apology and compensation 😭 i hope you enjoy and i'm sorry for not keeping up my end of the bargain! at most you'll have to wait a day or two more, but i'm hoping i can pull through on time :')

--

You rush back to the bed with the cover of the photo album already cracked, though you show it off with a gooey grin, “You were enamored with me from the moment you saw me, Brad.”

“Of course I was,” He laughs, ringing his arm around your neck to hug you tight to his side while you flip to the first page. He peers at your scrunched-up baby face, vague memories of kissing your nose flashing through his mind from when you were younger, and it was the only thing that could get you to stop crying.

“You’ve always been the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen,” He swipes a finger over a photo of you together, stroking it along your cheek where he was feeding you mushed-up green beans. “See? I was so entranced I didn’t even notice you were about to kick me.”

He points to your tiny foot, clothed in a onesie with dogs on it, and poised ready to fire. You’d bet money that right after the photo had been taken, you had launched your foot into his knee, and you hope little Bradley wasn’t brought to tears over it. 

“Sorry, baby,” You hum, voice just as sticky-sweet as your kiss is against his cheek. He leans into it, and you’re not expecting him to, so you smear a bit more spit over his face than you’d intended. However, when you laugh incredulously and try to wipe it off, he wriggles away from your shirtsleeve, insisting on keeping the mark.

“No! I fell out of the sky three days ago,” Bradley gripes, head held high, “I get to keep all of the gross kisses you give me.”

“I’d launch a gross kiss attack if I wasn’t worried about hurting your ribs,” You lament, settling back into his side, “Oh, Brad, look at this one!”

It was your first halloween together. Bradley’s sporting a yellow hat in the picture, with bear ears on top, and a red shirt over his chubby baby belly. His pants are the same shade as his hat, and you’re the Piglet to his Winnie the Pooh as you sit in a pink onesie and matching ear-hat in his lap.

You tug the photo out of its sleeve, reading Carole’s neat inscription on the back: Bradley cried just a few minutes after we took this, because we looked away for a second and when we turned back he was feeding Y/N a snickers bar. We didn’t mean to yell, but we freaked out and spooked him, and he wouldn’t stop crying unless we told him he could finish the rest of the bar. Winnie the Pooh does NOT like raised voices.

“Crybaby,” You tease, and Bradley groans.

“I was a kid! They yelled at me! Of course I cried!”

“Poor baby, you just wanted to feed me chocolate,” You croon, turning sympathetic at the sight of his exasperated brown eyes, “You’ve always been good to me, Brad.”

“Always,” He promises, squeezing you tighter, then pointing at the next page over, “Aw, look at that. They dressed you up as the turkey for thanksgiving.”

“We fell asleep in front of the fire,” You recall, not from memory but from the stories you’ve been told, and the pictures you’d seen, “We were both milk drunk and stuffed from dinner.”

“Still nappin’ together all these years later,” Bradley grins, leaning in to brush his nose against yours.

“Let’s nap together forever,” You sigh as you nestle your cheek back against his arm.

[fourfeetteninches]

tell us your innermost thoughts on tim burton

hello beloved thank u for asking me this because i have many thoughts ok the obvious ones first the things he said about people of colour not fitting into his aesthetic was obvs racist but also stupid like i have this overarching opinion on celebrities that like, you don't have to say things you can be silent like surely you're not stupid enough to think that wouldn't get any backlash? and if so why say it? the same with liam neeson like babygirl you're allowed to be silent. also i think his alleged sexual exploits and the blind items about him on crazy days and nights, if true, fucking gross, also being a serial cheater is kinda cringe of him. that all being said thank you tim burton for elevating hbc to official milf status.

HOWEVER i am an ex film student so please let me be annoying as fuck about his films.

ok SO here's the thing i think his early films are SO good. like in terms of story and aesthetic and cohesion and i think they really do speak to the freaks and weirdos and they're really comforting, like they convey loneliness and being an outsider really well. edward scissorhands ESPECIALLY. and i don't want to just be one of those people that says he 'sold out' HOWEVER i think the aesthetic early on was secondary to the heart and the story etc etc but as time has gone on and he's become known for the aesthetic that's become the focus rather than the story. you know that one meme where its like winnie the pooh but evil 'just a glimpse into my twisted mind' that's how i see his films now. if im being real i think the last one i watched of his was dark shadows which everyone says is terrible but honestly i thought it was really campy and fun. anyway that meme is how i see his dumbo.

ALSO i hold a weird one sided beef with him because years ago he said he hated sequels and he wouldn't ever do them, and then clearly he was offered enough money to make beetlejuice two and suddenly changed his tune as if he'd always wanted to make a sequel like girl you're on record saying you hate them just say it was for the money no one cares

but other than this i do like his films dark shadows is in my top 5 ever and i love sweeney todd also corpse bride i just have not seen any of his recent ones due to both laziness and i've not really been arsed about them. if beetlejuice two hadnt been released during the school holidays here i'd have probably gone to see it unfortunately the idea of a busy cinema is not fun to me

I AM EDITING TO ADD i think he's very much leaning into the brand now with his like weirdo core instagram which is fine but i personally do not find it sincere it feels calculated in this decade

[witchofthesouls]

Batmobile and there sparklings in TFA would be... interesting.

:)

This has a lot of potential for things. On one hand, cute and silly shenanigans since the once human Liaison was from modern-day Earth and TFA is set in the far future, and TFA doesn't have fanon sticky and sparklings. On the other hand, it can delve deep into the impact of the dystopian Autobot regime.

Batmobile would be the largest non-Decepticon 'con the TFA Autobots had ever seen. Even larger than Lugnut!!

Sari has soooo many questions. Not only you're a dimensional-hopper, but a time-traveler that's been, well, transformed and baby robots!!!

Any check-ups need to be done in Sumdac facilities because the ship doesn't have a berth that's big enough to hold you. Of course, you have parts and systems that the Autobots don't have, but things that niggle in the back of Ratchet's mind. Scratching really deep.

Sari takes advantage of it as a sleepover and to get the real mood and culture of the early 21st century.

The bother of trying to figure out how much mass you put away in your alt-mode, and how you're so blase with Drift and Roddy comfort-chewing on your frame. (For reference, you're the Batmobile Tumbler from the Christopher Nolan trilogy.)

The Autobots being so confused by the sparklings. They can't be reasoned with. They make a lot of noise and mess. You follow a ridiculous, in their opinion, schedule with them. They're so emotional over the simplest of things, nor can the babies properly speak.

And then they find out their identities-

The Autobots' extreme emotions over tiny Megatron. He's from a different universe, but Megatron-

Whenever Bumblebee annoys you or the sparklings enough, you can easily pick him up and set high above to give yourself some time. The great thing about a Cybertronian frame is you can manipulate your own sense as your turn down your audials to his screeching.

It would be hilarious if the Deceptions know about the process of sparking up the frame method of sexual reproduction, which kickstarts a sub-plot of them trying to fetch away the sparklings from incompetent Autobots.

Optimus being a young Dadimus as he wrangles the kids with you and deals with boo-boos, especially whenever Roddy and Drift venture too far.

The real-life struggles of parenthood: temper tantrums, childhood illnesses, and deeply ingrained obsessions. You, Ratchet, and Prowl are the only ones unbothered by the constant reruns of My Little Pony, Scooby Doo, and you managed to get them hooked on Winnie the Pooh. Optimus finds himself humming the theme songs, Bulkhead is unconsciously painting ponies during Abstract time, and Bumblebee cries tears of absolute joy when you take pity and get him a TV for video games.

Sentinel freaking the fuck out when he meets Batmobile. (On a side note, in any version of this crossover, wouldn't it be hilarious if Blowhard Prime develops a huge terror-boner of a crush on the new mecha on the block?)

[whyweonlyseeeachotherat]

Daddecember Day 3: Accidents Happen

Glass on the tiles like stars. So pretty for something that meant Meg was so, so fucked. 

“I'm sorry!” She babbled, tongue running away faster than her mind could keep up with as her knees hit the ground with a hard thud, “I'll clean this up, and I'll buy another one, I’m so sorry, I’m such an idiot–” 

Cath stared at her blankly from where she stood by the sink. She blinked her heavy lidded eyes a few times, perfect cat’s eye liner all pointy and intimidating looking. She tipped her head back, swallowed the small handful of pills she’d been grabbing from the organiser on the side, and yelled, “Em, Meg’s freaking out again.” 

“What are you doing,” Meg hissed as her heart rate, already racing, decided to go for gold, “He doesn’t need to know, I said I could deal with it.”  Her hands shook, sweat slicked her fingertips as she piled up the tiny little fragments of glass and piled them up in her palm. 

“You are literally having a panic attack because you broke a glass,” Cath drawled, “Of course I’m telling Dad. We all need the reminder that I’m not the only fucked up one around here.” 

 A sharp pain blossomed across Meg’s hand and blood welled up.

Meg gave a slight shrill laugh, “Guess whatever he has to say probably won’t be worse than my mum making me illegally sell twixes that are specifically ‘not for individual resale’ at a dubiously significant markup to seven year olds to replace her favourite Winnie The Pooh mug.” 

“Heinous,” Cath commented.

“Our teacher pretended to call the police when she caught me,” Meg said, “She got her husband to come in dressed up and everything.” 

“Not even the most fucked up,” Cath said with a dark grin.

At the sound of Steve’s approaching footsteps, she tossed her mess of dirty blond hair over her shoulder, “See you later, fuck-up.” 

Steve walked in then. Or Emrys, she supposed. Seeing as that was his actual name. 

She bit the inside of her cheek as he took her in. Silence stretching like cling film over uncooked turkey - awkward and bulging in uncomfortable places. 

Damnit, someone had to pierce it. “You’re still Steve in my head,” she said, “Sorry about that.” 

He blinked. Most of that amnesiac stupour was gone, he was clear eyed and bushy tailed and no longer prone to wandering naked through the woods of strange fantasy lands. At least, as far as Meg knew. 

“Why… Steve?” He said slowly, “I never asked you that. But I suppose it was my name for a good half a year there. I should like to know your reasoning.” 

“It’s from Minecraft.” 

Steve did not look like he knew what Minecraft was.

“It’s a game where you wander round the forest and punch trees.”  She explained, because it seemed the most relevant thing to mention.

“How… peculiar.” 

“Yet, if your experiences of waking up in a forest with no idea of how you got there are anything to go off, shockingly realistic.” 

He still had scars on his knuckles from that particular experience. He glanced down at them, surveying them under the kitchen light. “Quite.” He looked down at her again, and her heart decided that, in spite of some unfortunate mid race setbacks, it was still in with a chance at winning the whole damn thing. “You’re bleeding.”

She cringed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to break it, I just have butterfingers, you know? I’ll make sure to be more careful next time, I–” 

“Megan,” He interrupted, “I do not care about the cup. I am concerned for your wellebeing.” 

Oh.

“Come here,” He said, crouching, then helping her stand. “I mean it,” he said. “These things happen to all of us. A cup I can replace easily, your sense of safety is not so interchangeable. This is not your mother’s house.” 

“I hate you,” she muttered.

He looked perturbed, “Did I upset you?” 

She scowled, “No, but if you keep making me cry I don’t have any motivation to get as good at eyeliner as Cath.” 

@daddecember

[nickssidewitch]

https://www.tumblr.com/nickssidewitch/758717059299491841/why-in-your-opinion-does-matt-face-more?source=share

For those that keep bringing this up re-read the above. This is actually exhausting that this happens with every single girl that is associated with him online. Oh they are liking instagram photos? So. Listening to same artist? So. Same city? So. A vague tiktok that you have linked to Matt that can actually apply to any male on the planet. FUCKING So! None of this is cause any of you to freak out the way you do nor does it automatically indicate to anything going on. I listen to the neighbourhood, have been to la, liked his photo, mentioned winnie the pooh in my stories before you gonna say I am dating him. ENOUGH. (sorry I'm fed up)

Same tbh 😭‼️

I think any mature fan is absolutely fed up!

[thedreamworldlibrary]

Magia Chap. 9-A Fight for Our Lives

Hey guys! This chapter was exciting to write, as by the title of this chapter you get to see the four using their powers to fight! Yes were finally getting into the magical girl/boy part of the AU!

Trigger Warning: Blood, and someone gets their arm broken.

Big thanks to @gigilefache for being my beta reader.

Enjoy!

Litho and Winnie chuckled as they walked towards Wiatt, Lewis, Oliver and Sara, who stepped back, but with nowhere to go they were trapped.

“Darling is that…” Lewis started looking at the black mass of eyes and teeth, Litho.

“Yes, that's Litho.” Sara replied, whispering.

“I-I didn’t expect for him to be so…” Lewis trailed off, but Wiatt spoke up.

“Fucking creepy.” Wiatt added.

Lewis was about to scold him, but one look at Litho made him realize Wiatt was right. “You're not wrong,” he said.

Winnie chuckled slowly, walking towards the four. “It’s nice of you to invite your friends to the party, Sara.” Winnie said, giving a toothy grin.

Oliver’s eyes widened,  recognizing Winnie. “S-Sara isn’t that the pegasus animatronic?” He asked, stuttering a bit.

Sara nodded, “y-yeah.” 

“Ah! I see that my presence is known here!” Winnie exclaimed. “I thought you kept me a secret, Sara.”

Sara stepped back, frightened seeing her former partners in crime.

Lewis stood in front of his best friend, “don’t you dare hurt her,” he growled.

Winnie chuckled, “oh, so you knew?” He asked.

“She told me everything you little scourge!”

Winnie walked over to the four before facing Lewis with a smirk. “You don’t scare me,” he hissed.

“Ditto,” Lewis replied.

The Pegasus animatronic snickered. He raised his hand and slapped the founder on the face. Oliver yelped and jumped back watching his friend get hit.

“Lewis!” Wiatt and Sara yelled.

“What about now, Bright?” Winnie yelled.

The founder didn’t react despite getting slapped on the face. He just glared at Winnie to prove his point.

Winnie growled and was about to do it again, but felt Litho’s puppet strings wrap around his hand. “Now, now Winnie.” Litho spoke up. “Why destroy them now, without playing with them first?”

“Play?” Winnie asked, confused.

“What do you mean by that?” Sara asked.

“Simple, Winnie here will attack you, and you guys have to find a way to escape.” Litho explained. “However, I blocked every exit in this place so if you can survive Winnie. Then I’ll let you go.” Litho slipped back into the shadows, but not before slipping in one last word, “maybe.”

Wiatt’s eyes widened. “Hey,” he shouted just as he was ready to go after the demon, Winnie stepped in front of him and the founders.

“Now, now!” Winnie spoke up. “I know a fun game we should play. It’s called grab you little fucks and slaughter you piece by piece.” He growled.

The four were backed into the wall, and with Litho blocking every door in this place they couldn’t run.

“What do we do?” Oliver freaked out.

Wiatt looked around the facility hoping to find something to fight off Winnie. His eyes widened suddenly, realizing the answer was right in front of them. “We have to fight him!” He exclaimed.

The founder trio looked at the boy like he was crazy, “WHAT?!” They shouted.

“Darling I love you,” Lewis started, “but we’re not fighters!”

“Well, we have powers!” Wiatt replied. “What else could we use our powers for? I’m sure we can use them against Winnie!”

The trio looked at one another, and all had different opinions about this. Lewis knew Wiatt was right, but what was he to do? He could only heal himself, and the others if Winnie tried to hurt them. 

Sara knew her only option would be to freeze Winnie in time, but for how long he could be trapped there was up to her powers.

Oliver was scared using his own powers. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt his friends, or cause a blackout, which would make the fight harder.

Oliver gulped and spoke up, “Wiatt, I’m scared to use my powers.” He admitted. 

“Oliver, you’ll be fine. Just make sure you don’t hit us alright?” Wiatt reassured him. Oliver wasn’t convinced, but nodded anyways. 

Winnie laughed, causing Wiatt to turn around, “Oh that’s beautiful! You think you're all super heroes now?” He exclaimed. 

Wiatt glared, his eyes flashing yellow.

“Well then, I guess I’m the bad guy in this story.” Winnie’s claws turned sharp as he ran ready to claw the four to pieces. It wasn’t till Wiatt’s eyes glowed a bright yellow as a shield appeared in his hands protecting him and the founders. Winnie growled and kept clawing at Wiatt’s shield hoping to break it, but Wiatt held his ground.

“Come on you guys! Fight!” Wiatt yelled.

The founders looked at one another, realizing there truly isn’t any other choice. Sara was the first to leave the shield with Lewis and Oliver not long after. With Winnie being focused on trying to slash Wiatt, Sara decided it would be best to strike and stop the pegasus animatronic.

Her eyes and hands glowed pink as she was preparing to freeze Winnie. However, the pegasus animatronic sensed her, and quickly moved out of the way. Wiatt’s eyes widened as he tried to warn Sara not to touch him.

“Sara WAIT!” Wiatt yelled.

However, it was too late as Sara’s time stopping powers touched the shield trapping Wiatt in what looked like a time capsule. The woman was horrified to see the frozen boy staring at her in horror. 

“Wiatt!” Lewis yelled. 

“Oh no! Oh no!” Sara repeated, freaking out over freezing him. “H-How do I fix this?!” She tried to touch Wiatt again, hoping to unfreeze him, but Winnie stopped her, slashing her hand in the process. Sara let out a cry seeing blood on her hand, before she could get clawed again, she missed the attacks.

Oliver and Lewis watched in horror as Wiatt was frozen and Sara was being attacked by Winnie. “Oliver!” Lewis spoke up. “I’m going to help Wiatt, you help Sara!”

“B-But…” Oliver tried to argue, but he heard Sara let out a cry.

The pegasus animatronic slashed Sara’s shoulder. She fell on the floor holding it, in immense pain, to prevent blood from seeping out. Winnie towered over her, ready to slice her again. Sara had tears in her eyes as she backed away from the pegasus animatronic. “You know, you were a great kid Sara,” he said. “Such a shame I have to get rid of you like my many other victims.”

Oliver looked at his hands and back at Sara. He remembered Sara sacrificed herself to save him from being crushed by a television. Now it was time for him to return the favor. “Here goes nothing.” He whispered. He took a deep breath as his eyes turned green and electricity started to appear in his hands. “Hey you!”

Sara and Winnie turned to hear Oliver yell, surprising the girl. “Oliver?” She whispered.

An green electrical orb appeared in Oliver’s hands as he launched it at the pegasus animatronic. However, the electric orb misfired and bounced from the wall near Sara and Winnie, heading towards Wiatt. The spark broke the boy free of Sara’s attack, as he let out a gasp for air.

“OH MY FUCK I CAN BREATHE!” Wiatt yelled.

Oliver launched another electrical orb, but he misfired and ended up hitting Lewis. The latter got electrocuted to where his hair sticked up all over the place.

“Oh crap!” Oliver yelled. “Sorry Lewis!”

“Y-Your fine d-darling.” Lewis replied, stuttering a bit as he tried to recover from the attack.

Winnie laughed, “oh this is going to be fun!” He beamed. Soon Sara kicked him, knocking him to the ground. Sara ran as the animatronic growled at her.

Wiatt saw Lewis stand up after recovering from the attack and saw a metal pipe. Seeing Sara and Oliver distracting Winnie, he quickly went over to the pipe and grabbed it.

“Lewis! Catch!” Wiatt yelled, throwing the pipe.

Lewis yelped and grabbed the pipe before it could hit him. He looked at the pipe before looking over at his boyfriend, “what the bloody hell I do with this?” He yelled.

“To fight, obviously!” Wiatt yelled.

Lewis looked at the pipe, but heard a growl and turned to see Winnie was behind him.

“Look out!” Wiatt yelled again as he created another shield to protect his boyfriend. Winnie clawed trying to break the shield, but Wiatt pushed the shield towards the Pegasus animatronic, slamming Winnie into the wall.

Lewis blushed seeing his boyfriend’s strength. Wiatt turned and blushed too. Fuck, I missed his goofy smile, Wiatt thought to himself.

Winnie growled as he slowly got up. “Enough of your games, you fucks!” He yelled.

The four glared, their eyes glowing brighter as they did. Oliver gathered enough electricity from his hands and launched it at Winnie, but the pegasus animatronic was able to swipe it. Quickly, Wiatt created a shield to protect himself and Lewis, but the electric attack bounced back and hit Sara. She screamed as she was being shocked.

“Oh shit!” Wiatt exclaimed. “Then again it was payback.”

Sara growled, looking up. The attack loosened her hair tie as her hair got frizzy, “I heard that!” She snapped.

“You were supposed to!” Wiatt snapped back.

Sara got up and was ready to use her powers to freeze Wiatt in time again. However, Wiatt used his shield powers and sent the shield flying, pushing the girl towards the wall like he did before.

Winnie gave a smirk watching his former partner and a bratty boy use their powers to fight each other.

Sara groaned as she slid on the wall holding her stomach. She got up slowly and was ready to fight Wiatt again, before Lewis stood between them.

“Darlings! Stop!” Lewis yelled. Sara and Wiatt stopped staring at their friend. “You do realize we’re fighting an animatronic right now! Not each other!”

Sara and Wiatt looked at each other, growling. Winnie smirked, seeing this was an opportunity to attack the three.

Oliver gasped and soon an electrical orb appeared in his hands. “Look out!” He shouted as he threw the orb at the animatronic, this time hitting him. He let out a painful scream.

The other two founders and Wiatt looked at Winnie before turning to Oliver, who was just as shocked as them. He let out a chuckle before celebrating that he actually got his powers working for once.

“I did it! I did it!” Oliver cheered. He yelled and jumped around happily. This surprised Lewis and Sara as they never saw Oliver as the celebratory type.

Winnie slowly got up and growled, his eyes glowing red at the founder who attacked him. Lewis took notice of the animatronic getting up, sharpening his claws ready to attack Oliver.

“O-Oliver!” Lewis yelled.

The founder stopped celebrating and saw Winnie running towards him, he let out a scream and used his arms to shield himself from the attack.

Before Winnie could lay a claw on him, Lewis used the pipe Wiatt gave him and smacked the animatronic on the head. The pegasus growled and tried to attack Lewis again, but the latter blocked it again with the pipe. The two kept going at it till Winnie grabbed the pipe and threw it to the side before grabbing Lewis and held his arm.

“LEWIS!” Everyone screamed.

“Still afraid of me now?” Winnie yelled.

Lewis struggled trying to release his arm from the animatronic. “N-No!” He replied, struggling,

Winnie grinned evilly as he took Lewis’s left arm and started to twist it the other way. The founder let out a painful cry, causing his friends’ eyes and hands to glow brighter than usual.

“Let go of him!” Wiatt yelled, getting a shield ready.

Winnie let out a chuckle. “Oh I’ll let him go, right after THIS!” He kept twisting Lewis’s arm till a loud snap was heard, making Lewis cry out in pain. 

His friends were horrified Winnie took it this far. “L-LEWIS!” Sara and Wiatt yelled.

Just as Winnie could do the same thing with Lewis’s other arm, the founder’s body started to glow blue. The animatronic was confused, dropping the man. At that point another snap was heard as Lewis’s arm was put back to its normal place.

The pegasus animatronic was in shock, “n-no! Y-Your a healer?”

Lewis got up as his eyes glowed blue like his friends. “Indeed I am darling.” He said. “Indeed I am.” With that Lewis punched Winnie in the eye, causing him to hold his eye in pain.

The founder looked down at the animatronic glad he was down. Soon, Wiatt ran over to his boyfriend and held him tight. “Are you alright?” He asked.

“I-I am darling. I truly am.” Lewis replied, blushing.

Wiatt blushed too as he and Lewis stared into each other’s eyes. The two were so mesmerized by each other they didn’t realize Winnie was right behind them.

“Look out!” Oliver and Sara yelled at the same time, ready to use their powers to stop Winnie. 

The boyfriends heard their friend’s cries, and saw Winnie coming towards them. They both missed, causing Winnie to fall, however Sara and Oliver’s attacks collided with each other causing Sara to be shocked again, and Oliver frozen in time.

“Oliver!” Wiatt yelled.

“Sara!” Lewis yelled at the same time.

Before Wiatt could go to help Oliver, Winnie scratched him in the back, causing the young boy to yell in pain. His back was burning as his uniform was ripped showing the claw marks as blood oozed out from his back.

“Wiatt!” Lewis cried. He looked at who needed to be healed first, debating between Wiatt and Oliver. The founder saw Winnie trying to claw at him next, but he dodged each time the pegasus animatronic did so.

Wiatt slowly looked up and held his hand out as he tried to create another shield to stop Winnie. He slowly got up, not caring what kind of pain he was in right now, and yelled as he launched another shield at Winnie. 

However, because of his weakened state he misfired and instead of hitting Winnie it was about to hit Lewis and Oliver.

Wiatt got up ignoring the pain to warn his boyfriend, “L-Lewis! Look out!” He shouted before groaning in pain.

Lewis turned and the shield pushed him and a frozen Oliver towards the wall, slamming them harshly. This attack broke Oliver free from Sara’s time attack.

“Ow.” Oliver groaned.

“Fuck!” Wiatt yelled. “Sorry Lewis!” He slowly got up ignoring all the pain in his body going to help his friends.

“Y-Your fine, darling.” Lewis groaned, as he and Oliver slowly got up. However, Winnie leaned over.

Sara looked up too, and despite the pain she was in as well, she got up to go help her friends.

Winnie snickered and was ready to attack Lewis and Oliver, but Wiatt and Sara came by to defend the two. “Not one move, jackass!” Wiatt hissed, holding his hand out and creating a shield to protect his boyfriend and his friend, but due to how injured he was, the shield flicked on off his hand. “W-What?”

The pegasus animatronic chuckled seeing Wiatt low on energy. This made the young boy upset as he tried to get his shield to work. “C-Come on!” He yelled. Soon the shield appeared, but bounced back pushing him and Sara to the wall and slamming into Lewis and Oliver. The group groaned in pain as Winnie looked down on them.

“Well that was fun!” Winnie exclaimed. “It’s a shame you heroes had to fall like this.”

The four struggled to get up, but were weak from everything they went through. Winnie chuckled choosing between who he’d like to kill first, however before he got to choose his victim Litho appeared putting a hand on Winnie’s shoulder.

“Not yet Winnie.” The demon said.

Winnie looked at the demon confused, “b-but we got them cornered! Shouldn’t we kill them?” He asked.

“When they’re weak and defeated?” Litho asked, before letting out a laugh. “That will be to easy, look at them.” Winnie turned as Litho continued to explain, “they thought they could be heroes? Don’t make me laugh, their not heroes, just a bunch of poor souls that think they can defeat us.” Wiatt slowly looked up at the two, if he wasn’t in so much pain, he’d kick both their asses, right then and there. “They’re wrong. They lost they’ll never win.”

With that, Litho went over to the door and released it from his puppet strings before disappearing into the shadows. Winnie growled and turned to the four, as much as he wanted to kill them, he knew Litho would be angry if he disobeyed his orders. He walked off knowing the next fight, if there was one, he wouldn’t show them any mercy.

[pluckyredhead]

Red Hood and the Outlaws #2 (2011)

I'm continuing to make choices.

At least Roy remembered to string his bow this time.

When we last left our hero, he had returned to the headquarters of the All-Caste to find a dead old woman named Ducra. Issue #2 begins with a flashback of Talia taking a recently resurrected Jason to "the Hundred Acres of All," which I guess is supposed to sound cool but just makes me think of Winnie the Pooh. Jason meets Ducra, he sasses her, she kicks his ass but agrees to train him.

Cut to "three hours ago" and Jason and Roy on a plane:

Jason dresses extremely formally in this run and it does feel pretty incongruous to me because Jason doesn't strike me as someone who cares for formality or appearances. I've chosen to headcanon this as Jason rigidly emulating Alfred and Bruce's notions of adult male fashion, especially in situations in which he's uncomfortable, because if he can project wealth and power the way Bruce does, maybe people won't see his painful backstory and soft underbelly. It doesn't really work with Jason's love of telling everyone his trauma to make them feel bad for him, but...look, man, RHATO is incredibly bougie, I don't know what to tell you.

Roy, meanwhile, is essentially just a series of scribbles. "Stage three clinger" is kinda funny, though.

(Roy is actually historically very, very good at not clinging to the people who are constantly abandoning him, but he latches onto Jason for dear life. I know that's because this Lobdell has never read a Roy comic before this, or anything at all including a cereal box or his own sentences he has just written, but I choose to believe it's because Jason is special.)

Oh, Isabel, honey. Don't bother climbing unprofessionally into the next seat like a lunatic. The man is Undateable.

(I'm not posting every panel but on the next page she gets him a second drink - "Soft drink, extra ice" - and Jason's like "Good memory!" "SOFT DRINK" IS NOT THE NAME OF A DRINK. "Liquid in a cup." "Good memory!")

Anyway Isabel hurls herself at Jason for a few more panels and then gives him her number and Jason fully and completely cannot process it for some reason:

I know Jason is supposed to come off in this series like a cool macho dude getting all the ladies, but scenes like this just...don't work? If Jason is supposed to be a stud who has already hooked up with Talia, Essence, Rose, and Kori, why can he literally not complete a sentence here? I feel like this reads much more like a very, very young man who missed most of his teen dating years to death and vengeance and has very little experience.

They arrive in Hong Kong, where Kori meets them in a limo. Why fly away from Kori and then meet her in a limo? Apparently just to show Jason and Kori both spending conspicuously so that readers will know they are rich and therefore cool, and for no narrative or characterization purpose. How did Kori get money? Hush your mouth.

Is the "gorilla" in the room Dick? Both Kori and Jason explicitly stated in the previous issue that she doesn't remember him, so why would she be upset here? Is it that Jason and Kori have supposedly slept together and now Roy and Kori are sleeping together? Both Jason and Kori have ALSO explicitly stated that they don't care. Is this dialogue meaningless? Yes!

Jason refuses to take them to his safe house because last time he did they "soiled [his] sheets," which I'm taking as confirmation that they did in fact fuck in his bed last issue. In the safe house, he finds a woman named Suzie Su and her henchmen, who he quickly shoots a bunch and seemingly kills. We don't know who Suzie is or why this matters.

Cut to the team jumping out of a helicopter over the Himalayas during a freak thunderstorm, where we learn that Jason has gloves with metal wings that allow him to fly or at least glide. This is dumb, but it's extra dumb when you remember that Lobdell gave Tim an almost identical gimmick at the same time in Teen Titans. (He writes Jason and Tim identically in general: hyper competent and extremely bougie Gary Stus with the comebacks of a dull 12-year-old.)

They land in the All-Caste HQ to find everyone dead.

NOW HOLD ON JUST A DING-DANGED MINUTE. In issue #1, we explicitly saw Jason leave Roy and Kori in bed and come here for that scene in the middle panel, alone. Now supposedly Roy and Kori are there? We are an issue and a half in and there's already a massive continuity error? WHY DID THIS MAN GET PAID TO WRITE THIS BOOK FOR TEN YEARS???

The All-Caste come back as zombies (why? not explained) and the Outlaws fight them while Jason flashes back to being trained by them, which is just another generic fight scene. At one point Jason calls the All-Caste warriors "the greatest people I have ever known," but like...we haven't gotten a chance to know any of them, so who cares.

Anyway. Jason is sad, and then tells the others "Let's go kick some ass...team." THE END.

Here's the thing. Whenever you're starting a new story, a new comic, a new universe, whatever, there are always going to be things the reader doesn't know, and gradually learns as the story unfolds. It's not a bad thing that there are some unanswered questions.

However, we don't have any actual sense of who the All-Caste were, what they can do, or how long Jason stayed with them. We aren't shown any significant interactions or relationships between him and Ducra or the generic warriors, none of whom have names or distinguishable faces. There's a little uncreatively quippy dialogue from Ducra, but no actual reason for us to care. To follow this plotline, we need to either like Jason or understand the importance of this relationship or the stakes of the Untitled, and none of that has been sold in these two issues. In fact, I don't think the Untitled are even mentioned in this issue. (I mean, I do like Jason, but not because he wore a fat suit, bragged about fucking Kori, and killed some people, which is all he's done so far in this book.)

We also don't know who Essence is or what her history is with Jason or the All-Caste. And we don't know who Suzie Su is, why she was in Jason's safe house, or whether it matters that he (apparently) killed her. We know nothing about Kori except that she knows nothing about herself, and even less about Roy.

Again, some questions are fine and even good, but this many questions makes the book a parade of disconnected, uninteresting events we don't have any reason to care about. Which isn't a big deal when you're marathoning the series through dubious means in 2023, but I sure as hell wouldn't have paid $2.99 every month for this shit back in 2011.

[thechaoticdruid]

[This Bites] (3)

Pairing: Astarion x F! Chubby MC

Content/Warnings: Sexual humor, suggestive content, animal death, blood, slight angst, no Brian yay!, Winnie freaking out again, fluff,

Quick summary: Winnie gets Star out of the house after being cooped up since his arrival. Vampire hijinks ensue.

Chapter Two: Go Back

Chapter Three: Stay here.

Chapter Four: Lets fucking goooo!

Check out this silly recreation of the chapter in The Sims I did.

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Hiding a secret pet from your parents was stressful enough, but hiding a whole grown ass man in your room would likely be a thousand times as nerve wracking.  Especially with a step douche who had a habit of barging into the room. Luckily for Winnie, her stepfather was never a quiet man, always stomping along the floor in thick combat boots. And her current stowaway was very perceptive. That still didn't cover all her issues. Winnie had searched all over Nexus Mods for that damn cheat mod she downloaded but could not find it again. It was as if the creator deleted it just after Astarion got out. To make matters worse the vampire was likely starting to get hungry. He'd been gazing at her more and more longingly each day since his escape from the computer. She'd need a way for feeding her guest which didn't involve anyone getting sucked flat like a caprisun. Of course she thought about offering him her own blood, but the idea honestly made her uneasy. In fantasy it was very appealing, having an extremely attractive and alluring man suck on your neck, what's not to like? There was the whole sharp teeth tearing into your flesh aspect, but in fantasy there was no pain, no need to worry about death. Just sweet sweet blissful fantasy. But that was not the case now.  In reality if Astarion were to sink his fangs into her neck he wouldn't need to drink all her blood to kill her. She'd probably bleed out from her jugular being punctured alone. 

Winnie stared over at him as he peeked out the window. Night had fallen and he didn't need to worry about the sun. At least not for a while. 

Winnie sighed, “I have no idea how I'm going to feed you if I'm honest.” 

“Since you're so keen on protecting our dear friend Brian I suppose that leaves me with having to go out and hunt for my next meal, well unless you'd be generous enough to offer me your lovely neck.” 

“I don't think that's a good idea, but I guess my arm might be okay…” Winnie lifted up her arm to look at it. 

“You love to take the fun out of things don’t you? But alright, I'm not about to turn down a willing meal.” Astarion's pupils practically dilated at the sight of the veins on Winnie’s arm. His mouth watering at the thought of her warm blood coating his throat and he couldn't help but lick his lips.

“Hold on! I didn't mean right this second!” Winnie hid her arm behind her back, her cheeks turning red at the hungry look he was giving her. 

“Such a tease.” Astarion huffed and crossed his arms.

“I had some things planned for tonight and I can't do them if my head is spinning from blood loss.”  Winnie said before searching through her closet.

She pulled out a large duffle bag and began to unzip it. Inside were some hoodies and other clothing. Grey and black T-shirts, some jeans and a pair of sneakers. “Here, these were my brother's, they’ll probably fit you.” Winnie said before tossing the bag onto the bed.

Astarion made a disgusted sound.

“These are so tasteless and drab!” 

“We’ll get you something more suitable to your tastes later. For now you need to be able to blend in.” Winnie explained. Astarion muttered something under his breath before he started removing his purple doublet and exposing his pale muscular chest. He was so perfect, so flawless. Winnie’s brain honestly turned off for a moment as the elf then proceeded to slide down his pants. Her eyes nearly entranced by a certain large shape in his drawers, her face turning bright red. 

“My eyes are up here, darling.~”Astarion purred, voice husky and soft. 

“A-Ah sorry! I should….” Winnie sputtered before scrambling off into the connecting bathroom. Astarion chuckled a bit, watching the flustered female dash out of the room. He couldn't help but find her rather adorable.  Winnie stood in the bathroom for a few moments, heart pounding as she pressed her back against the door. 

Oh God, why didn't I walk out sooner!?

“You can come out now, my dear.” Eventually Astarion's voice broke her from her thoughts. The human girl let out an exasperated sigh before opening the door and heading back in. The clothes were a little tight around his body, making his muscles quite visible through the light gray tee.  Winnie quickly grabbed a black hoodie and handed it to him. “Here, put this on.” She said, watching him slide the jacket on. Winnie zipped it up for him before leaning up on her tiptoes and  pulling the hood over his head.

“Hey! My hair!” He whined.

“I'll fix it for you later. Right now I don't want anyone gawking over your ears.”

“Why would anyone be doing that?” 

“Ah, right. You see, in this world there are no elves, no magic, no vampires….Just humans really.” Winnie rubbed the back of her head. 

“Really? Gods, how dull. Not that I mind being the only vampire around. That actually sounds rather delightful.” Astarion smirked a bit. 

“Please don't get in any world domination ideas. Just because there aren't any vampires doesn't mean there aren't people who can tear you a new one.” Winnie sighed before peeking out the door into the hall. “Okay, they're asleep. Now come on.” Winnie said quietly.

“Where are we going?” Astarion whispered, slowly following Winnie as they tiptoed out of the house. 

“We're heading out to town. It's probably a good idea for you to get acquainted with the area just in  case something bad happens.” Winnie explained, “plus I feel bad about keeping you locked up in my room for days.” She then took out her cellphone and shook it, causing the flashlight to turn on.

“I thought you said, you didn't have magic here.” 

“We don't. This my fanged friend is technology. It’s a machine mostly for talking to people far away, but also does a bunch of other stuff.” Winnie used her phone to navigate in the dark as they began walking down across her driveway. Winnie’s neighborhood was quiet, each of the houses were fairly spaced out with plenty of trees and brush littering the terrain.  Parked in the yard near her family’s cars was a purple motorcycle. 

“Oh, and this is my trusty steed! Or well it's basically my personal source of transportation. Think of it like a horse but made of metal. To make it even better this won't decide to turn around and bite you!” Winnie said with a smile.

“As wonderful as that sounds. I'm not quite sure about climbing onto some strange metal contraption.” 

“Well…If you'd rather walk….” Winnie said in a sing-songy tone, putting her phone into her pocket.

“Nevermind! Let's go!” 

Winnie climbed on the bike, her hands gripping the handles as she glanced over at Astarion. He looked the vehicle over curiously, nearly jumping up in the air when the girl turned on the engine. 

“Come on!” Winnie said.  Hesitantly he climbed on and immediately clung to Winnie, arms wrapped around her plush waist. 

“Oh, this is rather intimate.~” Astarion took the opportunity to nuzzle his face into her neck, growing a bit more comfortable as he held onto her soft form. Winnie immediately turned bright red, a shiver going down her spine.  She didn't really think this through did she? 

Focus! Do not let the incredibly sexy vampire elf hugging your back cause you to have a crash! 

We are not dying because of horniniess goddamnit!

Winnie mentally scolded herself as she drove off. Not that she disliked his attentions, mind you. She was just very easily flustered, never having been in any kind of romantic relationship, physical or otherwise.  Astarion sighed into her neck, The smell of lavender and cherry blossoms mixed with the delectable scent of her blood was absolutely heavenly.  It took all he had to resist the urge to sink his fangs into her neck and gorge himself on her blood.

Winnie kept her eyes on the road, the headlights of her motorcycle illuminated the street as they zoomed down it.  There weren't too many cars on the road so Winnie could be thankful for that. 

They rode away from the suburbs where Winnie’s home resided, eventually until coming towards a small shop just outside of the city. A large sign that read ‘CornerStore’ sat atop the building and illuminated the parking lot.

“This is where I work.” Winnie said as she turned into the parking lot. She parked up front in her usual spot before turning off the engine and hopping off. 

“Well this seems like a cozy little shop.” Astarion said, getting off. “What exactly could you precure here?” 

“Mostly snacks. Some hygiene products and other things. Just stuff you need around your home really.” Winnie said, leaning up on her toes to fix his hoodie before leading him inside. 

Winnie looked around the shop, thinking about anything she could get which would be useful for her new guest to have in the future. She couldn't get too much however. She only had so much room in the little trunk she had on her motorcycle. 

Bandages would be a good idea, shampoo…. Though he'd likely complain if it was some kind of cheap smelling stuff….

Astarion looked over Winnie as she scanned around the store. His tongue flicked over his fangs as he couldn't help but stare at her jugular. The gnawing pain in his stomach was crying out, demanding to be sated. He backed up as Winnie became engrossed in the products that decorated the shelves. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a small creature outside the shop. Almost cat-like, but with a longer snout, a ringed tail and tiny black hands.  The creature appeared to be picking around in the trash outside. Not his first choice, but it had to at least be better than a rat.

Winnie kept looking through some hygiene products, wondering what her fanged friend would need when suddenly she heard what sounded like an angry raccoon. She quickly whipped her head around, heart nearly stopping when she noticed Astarion was gone. 

Quickly she rushed outside and glanced over to see a dead raccoon fall to the ground. Astarion stood over it, blood dripping down his chin. 

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Winnie whisper-shouted. 

“I was hungry…” Astarion shrugged, looking at her with round innocent eyes, mouth still covered in blood. Winnie grimaced, kicking the dead raccoon off to the side and out of sight before grabbing hold of Astarion and dragging him off. She pulled him into the store before making a beeline for the bathroom. She dragged him inside and slammed the door. 

The young woman pinched the bride of her nose, on the verge of tearing her hair out.  

“Please…Just please….Can you not do any vampire shit out where people can see you!?” Winnie said.

“No one was even around to see me. Sweetie, you worry far too much.” Astarion said, making a sassy hand gesture. Winnie crossed her arms and huffed, her eyebrow twitching.  She turned before grabbing some paper towels and wetting them. 

“You have to understand.” Winnie said calmly, “if people find out you're a vampire they'll probably try to kill you or worse cut you open and try to find out what makes you tick. Just please be careful.” She wiped the blood off his face before crumbling up the towels and burying them in the bottom of the trashcan. Astarion crossed his arms and stepped closer to her.

“I am a master of stealth, my dear. And if you expect me to just wait about for my next meal while you flaunt around that delicious neck of yours, I might not be able to control myself for long.” He said, running a clawed finger over her jugular making her shiver. His voice was playful, a bit flirty even, but the warning was still very clear. If she kept him waiting for too long he might not even be able to think before taking a bite out of her. 

“I promise I'll figure out a way to feed you, just give me time…Please.” 

“Oh alright, but only because you're so sweet.” He tapped her nose playfully. “And that little snack should keep me sated for now, ahaha.” 

Winnie washed her hands before leaving the bathroom to continue looking around for some supplies. Astarion followed after her, red eyes inspecting the isles with interest. Some of the objects looked familiar, but somehow still foreign.

A couple of times he'd ask Winnie what something was, and she'd do her best to explain, but sometimes it was difficult. Especially with some technological items that Winnie herself wasn't even completely educated on. 

She picked up a few things she deemed would be useful for hosting her guest, bandages, hygienic stuff and a burner phone. Winnie was about to go pay for the items when she froze, eyes widening in fear. Shit. Becca was working tonight. 

“Darling, are you alright?” The vampire’s voice was gentle. Astarion noticed Winnie’s fear and placed a hand on her shoulder before looking over to what had her tense. At the cash register was a tall skinny woman with long red hair, round red glasses and a face full of freckles. There was a black visor around her neck with a name tag attached along with several different round pins, most notable ones being a colorful pin with a pattern of pink and blue with a purple line in between and a second pin with what looked like a mind flayer on it. She wore a casual blue dress and didn't look the least but intimidating so Astarion was rather puzzled as to what had Winnie's heart pounding so wildly.

Becca was probably the closest thing Winnie had to a friend these days, considering practically all her peers from high school had ran off to start their own lives (the fucking plebs) and the two were able to bond a bit over a common interest in video games. See where this is going? Becca was a gamer. A rather devoted gamer who was always quick to snatch up any of the hot new triple A releases.  Winnie turned back to look at Astarion before quietly whispering, “when we go up to the counter do not say a word, okay?”

“Why?” Astarion asked.

“I'll explain it later, just stay quiet please.” She said before the two walked up to the register. Becca glanced up from the magazine she was looking over and smiled. Astarion held the small of Winnie’s back and stayed close to her. He was still not sure why Winnie was so frightened of this very simple looking woman. Though looks could be deceiving. She could be some kind of shapeshifter in disguise! 

“Winnie! I didn't think you'd be stopping by tonight.” Becca said in a cheerful tone. 

“Hey Becca!” Winnie greeted in a tone as perky as she could muster. “I…Just needed to pick up a few things I was running low on.” She said handing over the items. Becca’s blue eyes looked over Winnie’s face as she scanned the supplies.

She noticed her nervousness, but didn't seem too concerned. Winnie was known to get anxious quite easily. But then she noticed the male standing next to her and hummed. Becca noticed the white curls peeking out from under the hoodie he wore and took a long look at his very pretty face. He seemed very familiar, but she couldn't for the life of herself figure out why. 

“Winnie,” She spoke up in a playful tone, “is this your boyfriend? He is cute.” Becca teased with a wink. Astarion couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

“A-Ah! N-No! We're just friends!” Winnie said, getting very embarrassed. Astarion suddenly snapped his head towards her, a bit shocked at her words.

WHAT?!

Winnie ignored him the questioning looks he was giving her. She leaned over towards Becca. “I'm just helping him out. He's really really shy….” Winnie muttered to her. Astarion stood there arms crossed as he glared at Winnie slightly, eyebrow twitching.

“Oh, okay.” Becca responded, scanning and bagging up Winnie’s things. “That'll be 29.50.” 

Winnie paid for the supplies before walking out, Astarion stomping after her. She put the bags into the trunk of her motorcycle before she finally acknowledged his glaring.

“What?” She asked.

“Just friends? After everything we've been through, you and I are just friends?!” Astarion almost hissed out, but his tone sounded far more hurt than angry. 

“We literally just met a few days ago.” Winnie said, a bit confused. She backed up a bit, flinching at his tone.

“I wasn't lying when I said I fell in love with you over and over! I..I…Did something happen? Do you not like me anymore?” His voice sounded a bit hoarse. Winnie’s heart shattered as she noticed he looked like he was on the verge of tears. 

“Astarion…” She said softly before approaching him. “I do like you. I like you a lot, but you don't really know me ... .The person in the game, the brave strong beautiful adventurer. That's not me.” 

Astarion huffed, trying to blink away the glassiness of his eyes. 

“I fell in love with the sweet person who saved me, nothing else matters!” He took her hands in his. “Please…I want to be with you…” 

“Honey, you don't even know my birthday.” Winnie said with a sad smile. “And I….I'm really not sure. I know everything was probably quite real for you, but to me it was like I was just a spectator. Someone enjoying a good story. Hell I've never even kissed anyone in real life so the idea of jumping into a serious relationship out of nowhere is honestly terrifying…” Winnie said and looked off to the side. The silver haired male took a moment to regain his composure, wiping one of his eyes.

Winnie thought for a moment before looking back at him and gently squeezed his hands.

“Look, I don't have a lot of experience in this, but maybe we could start over? I could court you, maybe?” 

“Oh….Y-Yes…Yes that would make me very…happy…” The vampire blinked away his tears before mustering up a smile. Winnie released his hands, before hesitantly moving in closer. She thought about going in for a hug before she noticed him lean closer, lips puckered. 

Quickly she stopped his mouth with her index finger. 

“I'm…Not ready for that just yet…” She said with a sad smile as he pulled back. 

“Of course, apologies…I misunderstood.” He said feeling a bit embarrassed. Winnie quickly decided to just pull close for a hug before anything else happened. Astarion relaxed a bit, taking comfort in her embrace, and quickly wrapping his arms around her. It was difficult. His relationship had now practically been set back to stage one. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

After Astarion had calmed down and the two of them left the Corner Store. Winnie decided to keep her word about beginning a courtship with her flamboyantly fanged friend.  The night was still young and a date was the perfect excuse for Winnie to stop somewhere to look for something edible to sate her own hunger. Unfortunately there was little the pale elf could enjoy at such establishments, but Winnie did have one idea. 

Astarion looked over Winnie’s shoulder, his eyes widened in awe at the bright lights of the city. It was rather beautiful, making the night much more pleasant and allowing him to see so much more color than he usually would at this time.

Winnie eventually stopped, bringing the motorcycle to a halt as they arrived at a large pleasant smelling building. The air was filled with the scent of meat and other savory dishes. 

Winnie got off the bike before quickly adjusting the hood on Astarion's head, making sure his ears were not visible.  Winnie then took her vampiric companion inside before ordering a table for the two.  She sat across from him in a booth, looking down at her hands shyly. 

“I know it might be hard to believe with my charms and devastatingly good looks, but I've actually never been on a date before, not a real one anyway.” Astarion chuckled a bit.

“What about before you were turned? Surely you'd have been on a date then?” Winnie frowned.

“Perhaps, but I can't exactly remember much from before. It might as well not have happened.” He sighed, looking off as a waitress walked towards the table. She was rather beautiful, long blonde hair, blue eyes, a waspy waist and thick curves in all the right places. 

“What can I get you both?”  She asked. 

“Oh, something full bodied and red.”  Astarion said and looked back at Winnie. 

“Red wine and a pinjacolada please.” Winnie said as she glanced up at the waitress, eyes staring enviously at her nearly perfect bodice. 

“Ah and some fried chicken fingers, and um….Can you get maybe get us an extremely rare steak?” Winnie asked feeling a bit clumsy and embarrassed about how her last line was worded. 

“An extremely rare steak?” The waiter looked at Winnie like she had grown a second head. 

“I don't know if we're allowed to-”

“Be a dear, and fetch me something as bloody as possible won't you beautiful?” Astarion turned towards the waitress, his tone dripping with charm, his ruby red eyes almost hypnotic as he gave her a flirtatious wink.

The waitress’s face turned bright red. 

“Y-Yes! Yes of course!” She sputtered, a giddy grin spreading across her face. Winnie felt a twinge a jealousy shoot through her. She understood why he did that, but it didn't make it feel any better. The pudgy female took out her cellphone as Astarion began to ramble on about something. Something about how dull all of the people here seemed, and how abhorrent their attires were.

Winnie began looking on Tumblr, noticing a notification about TheRespectfulBard posting a new BG3 fanfiction. Though something else caught Winnie's eye as she skimmed through the Bard’s blog.  Apparently the bard was also looking for a mod that had been recently removed from the Nexus Mod page. However the modification they were looking for happened to be a mod that added a few new overpowered attacks to the game. Winnie quickly looked through the comments and reblogs to find someone saying the mod was made by a user named ShadowMommy69. 

Oh God…….It was made by a simp…..

“Winnie? Winnie? Are you even listening to me!?” Astarion spoke up, sounding a bit annoyed.

“Ah! Sorry…I got a bit distracted….” Winnie hearted TheRespectfulBard’s post before putting her phone in her pocket. 

“Honestly darling if you can't pay attention I might have to find a way to punish you.~” He teased, his hand reaching over to hold hers from across the table.

“Oh shut up.” Winnie rolled her eyes with a grin, her cheeks burning up. Astarion was just eating up all of Winnie’s overly flustered reactions. They were honestly all too cute. He looked at her with soft round eyes, wanting nothing more to plant kisses all over her pudgy little face. 

“I've got your order!” The waitress from before brought in their food and drinks. Her hips swayed as she strutted over and set them down on the table. Blue eyes roamed over Astarion’s face and body, though he didn't seem particularly interested. The smell of blood from the meat hit him like a truck, making his mouth water. Winnie immediately began to nibble on her chicken, but her eyes were glued on that woman. 

“I hope you both enjoy…. Especially you.~” The blonde said, seductively running a finger over Astarion's chest, making him stiffen.

“Um lady he doesn't like to be touch-” Winnie tried to object, though her mouse like voice was completely ignored.

“I'm getting off at ten just so you know.” She winked at him before wandering off. Winnie glared at her strutting form.

“Creepy bitch…” She muttered under her breath. That skank was so not getting a tip. Astarion cleared his throat before dusting off the front of his jacket, acting as if the waitress had got him dirty.  

“Well, now that that's over. I think I have something to attend to.” His looked down at the streak which was practically dripping with blood. 

Winnie bit her lip. She wouldn't lie. This was a bit gross. 

Winnie grabbed her drink, slowly sucking it down as she attempted to ignore the vampire in front of her, cutting up the steak and sucking the blood off. She couldn't imagine what was probably going through the head of any on lookers.

“Oh my God he is so fucking hot.” Winnie’s ears perked up at the waitress’s voice as she gossiped with her friends.

“Who's girl with him? Think they're together?” 

“Fuck no! Have you seen her? Probably his sister or something.” 

Winnie rolled her eyes and glanced back at her food. She didn't really feel very hungry anymore. She looked down at her stomach. The round, plumpness of it made her feel so disgusting. It wouldn't be long before Astarion realized he had more options. Better looking options.

“Are you alright my sweet?” Astarion's concerned voice brought her gaze back up. 

“I'm fine I guess…A bit tired if I'm honest…” She said tapping her fingernails to the table. 

“Well then, perhaps we should get you home so you can get your beauty rest hm? Not that you need it of course! You're already the most beautiful person here.” The elf said sweetly.  

“Yeah, let's go.” Winnie nodded, the two left their table and Winnie payed for the food at the register. She side eyes the waitress from before who was still gossiping with her friends. Winnie turned ready to head out the doors before she was suddenly snatched up by Astarion.

“I just want you to know once we get home. I am going to make you scream my name.” He said, his husky voice purposely raised loud enough for everyone to hear.  Winnie immediately buried her embarrassed face into his neck. Despite being ready to faint she also couldn't help but let out a series of giggles at his bluntness.

The waitress from before looked over with a shocked and frankly pissed expression. The vampire smirked slightly before tugging Winnie outside.

It was around eleven o'clock when they arrived back home. Winnie got off her bike with a yawn before looking over at Astarion who's hood had once again fallen off due to the motorcycle ride. 

Since they were home though, she saw no point in fixing it again.  

“I think that was an absolutely delightful first date, my love.” Astarion said as the two walked over towards the front door. “Don't you agree?” 

“Shit.” Winnie stopped in her tracks.

“Oh come on! It wasn't that bad! Actually I don't think it was bad at all!” Astarion crossed his arms with a scoff.

“No! Shit!” She pointed at the front door which was cracked open about two feet. 

“Oh, oh dear.” The vampire exclaimed before his companion rushed inside. He quickly followed after her as she zoomed into her bedroom. 

“Maddie!? Maddie!” She called looking under the bed and in her closet before checking the bathoom. Astarion went into the bedroom and inhaled, trying to pinpoint the scent of the sweet little kitten’s blood. Was it nearby? However, his red orbs suddenly shot open at the echo of barking coming from outside. 

“Maddie!” Winnie cried in fear. 

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Note from The ChaoticDruid: Been so hyped to get this chapter out! We have a lead on who caused Astarion to suddenly become sentient and it looks like a Shadowheart lover lol. A Shadowheart simp if you will! Also I know a lot of people would probably think Winnie's crazy for not wanting to jump right into a serious romance with Astarion, but I just feel like there are some things we'd love to fantasize about, but might not be too sure about in real life. Besides the girl is very romantically awkward. If anyone has any ideas on how to hide Astarion's ears better I'm open to suggestions, oh and PLEASE tell me what you think of the chapter! I love hearing all the comments about stuff, really makes my day.

Also fuck, Maddie's in danger! Somebody do something!

Taglist: @astarioffsimpmain , @iamsexytrash , @tiedyedghoulette , @hp-art-studio , @gaymistakeboi @the-disaster-in-waiting