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austinsgirl · 8 months ago

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Rather Die Chapter 21

Masterlist

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Christmas Morning

Victoria woke up to the smell of breakfast being made in the kitchen. Austin & Evelyn are currently frying up ham & making eggs. Evelyn seems to really be getting along with Austin, which makes Vic happy since that is the grandmother to Violet.

"Good morning, Vic." Austin smiles. "Merry Christmas."

"Good morning, Merry Christmas." she smiles back.

Austin walks up to her & talks quietly, "I was thinking we could tell everyone the baby's name during breakfast."

"Yeah, definitely." Victoria agrees happily.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart!" Evelyn says coming behind Vic to give her a hug.

"Merry Christmas, mom!" she smiles. "Breakfast looks amazing. I had no idea you planning to do all this."

"Austin asked me last night if I'd help him. He wanted to surprise you."

"Oh?" she raises an eyebrow at Austin. "Did you now?"

"I did." Austin smiles & blushes a bit.

"That's really sweet of you, Aus."

"You deserve it, Vic. You did so much yesterday. You deserve to just rest and chill out today."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Vic smiles again.

Once breakfast was ready, everyone sat down at the table to eat.

Austin speaks up, "So um, I have some news. Julie & I have made it official! We are now boyfriend & girlfriend. I asked her this morning with the necklace I got for her with my birthstone."

Every one was congratulating them & seemed genuinely happy except for Victoria.

She put on a fake smile as her heart sank when she heard the news, even though she saw it coming any day now.

"Vic & I also have some news..." Austin says, getting Victoria's attention, dragging her away from her thoughts. "Vic, wanna share the news?"

"So, we have decided on a name for baby girl. Her name is Violet Lorraine."

Austin's sister Ashley immediately started tearing up at hearing her middle name.

"Austin, is Lorraine after mom?" Ashley asks.

"Yeah, it is." Austin smiles.

"That's so beautiful, Austin. I love it." she says. "Mom would love it."

"Thank you." Austin starts to get teary eyed himself.

David speaks up, "Your mom would be so proud & so honored, son."

"Thanks dad." Austin replies.

After breakfast, everyone gathered in the living room to open presents as Home Alone played in the background.

Lots of gifts being exchanged, a lot from Austin as he loves to give & tends to over buy.

Vic opens her first gift from him which is a gift certificate to a local spa.

"Oooo this is so nice, Aus. Thank you."

"You're welcome." he replies. "This place has special messages for pregnant women, and you're always complaining about being sore so it should help. There should be enough on there for a facial & to get your nails done too."

"That sounds so amazing. I will be booking an appointment ASAP."

Mila opened up a gift from Austin next which was a gift certificate to the same spa.

"Ooo Vic! Girls day!" Mila says showing Vic the gift certificate.

"Ooo yes, definitely!" Victoria replies.

As they continue opening gifts, Austin & Ashley both open a gift from Victoria. She had gotten a drawing commissioned of them & with their mom. The siblings both started tearing up.

"Wow...this is um...beautiful." Austin says speechless. "Where did you even get this picture?"

"Your dad may have helped me with that." Vic looks over to David who is looking at her.

"This is so sweet. Thank you so much, Victoria." Ashley says getting up from her seat to give Vic a hug.

"You're very welcome." Vic replies, hugging back.

"Thanks, Vic. This means a lot." Austin says.

"You're so welcome, Aus. I'm glad you love it."

They continued opening presents until everything was unwrapped.

They also went through their stockings which was full of their favorite candies, travel size items, lottery scratch offs, little random things that they'd like, for example, Austin got guitar picks since he plays guitar. There was also beauty items for the women.

After a while, Austin's family said their goodbyes & headed home. Austin said his 'see you later's' before leaving to go to Juliette's parents house.

About a couple hours after Austin had left, he had texted Mila saying he forgot one of Vic's gifts in his closet and asked for her to give it to Vic just incase he didn't see her when he got home.

Mila grabbed a little velvet box out of one Austin's drawers in his closet & went back out to the living room where everyone was now watching The Santa Claus.

"Vic, Austin asked for me to grab this from his room for you. He wanted to make sure you had it today just incase you're in bed by the time he gets home." Mila says as she hands her the box.

Vic takes it from her, confused as to what it could be.

"Oh my gosh...he remembered..." Vic says shocked as she sees what's in the box.

"What is it, sweetie?" Evelyn asks.

"It was months ago. Austin & I had some time to kill before our doctors appointment. We had walked down to Starbucks to get something to drink, and on our way back we walked passed this antique store that had this Tiffany's pearl necklace and earring set in window on display & it was the exact set that-

"Your dad had gotten you for your fifteenth birthday before he passed, and you had lost it in the move..." Evelyn says cutting her off.

"Yes." Victoria says on the verge of tears. "We were running out of time to stop in there, and then completely forgot to go in afterwards because we were too distracted from seeing Violet on the ultrasound. Whenever we would be over there after that, the store was closed. But I guess he managed to go on his own to get it for me. I can't believe he remembered it, and how much I wanted it." she wipes away tears that are streaming down her cheeks.

Victoria feels herself adding on more love for Austin to the love she already has that she continues to try and suppress.

"That is the sweetest thing." Evelyn says. "He really loves you, huh?"

"What?" Vic asks getting caught off guard. "Noo. It's not like that, mom. He just loves me in a friend & the mother of his child kinda way."

"But this was months ago, right? He probably got it before he met Julie." Mila says.

"Juliette." Victoria corrects her.

"Whatever. He definitely did love you to do that."

"Emphasis on the 'did'. He's with Juliette now. It's not like that now."

"Honestly, you didn't hear this from me but, I think it's always like that with him now. I don't think this man will ever stop loving you in that romantic way." Mila says.

"You think?"

"Mhm. I just feel it."

"I hope you're wrong, Mila. I don't think it'll ever happen for us."

"Don't be so sure." Mila raises an eyebrow with a smirk. "I'm rarely wrong about these things. Also got the thought, what if Eliana stole your necklace from you? The one you lost?"

"You know what, she totally could have. I did catch her rummaging through my jewelry box once. She claimed she was looking for something I borrowed from her, which I never did. A pair of earrings were missing after that and she played it off like she hadn't seen them. That bitch." Vic says.

"Yeah, she probably did then." Mila replies.

Evelyn says, "It's sad how horrible of a person she turned out to be. But honestly not surprised. Her parents were always so snooty to us whenever they visited New Zealand."

"Her mom especially." Victoria adds.

Some time has passed. Everyone has gone to bed for the night except for Victoria. She waited up for Austin.

He finally walked through the door a little after 11pm.

"Hey, Vic. You're still up?" Austin asks, seeing her from the kitchen as he puts food away in the fridge he was sent home with from Juliette's mom.

"Yeah. I was waiting for you actually." she replies as she stuffs Sour Patch Watermelons into her mouth. AKA, her current pregnancy craving.

"Oh, you were?" he walks into the living room and sits down next to her on the couch.

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you in person for the necklace set, so thank you, Austin. You really didn't have to do that. It must have cost you a fortune."

"Oh, you're welcome. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Aus. It's everything. It's absolutely perfect & something I don't deserve."

"What do you mean you don't deserve it? You absolutely do." he grabs her hand in reassurance.

"I don't deserve it. Not after the way I treated you."

"I don't care about that anymore. You absolutely deserve it. After the shit I put you through, the shit Eliana put you through. The way you wanted this so bad because it was something your dad had gotten you that you lost. You need this."

"You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met, you know that?" Vic says starting to sob. "I'm sorry I ever treated you like you weren't."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. That was something you didn't deserve."

"It's fine. You still piss me off and annoy me sometimes though." she chuckles.

"I can say the same about you, Vic." Austin laughs.

"How was meeting her parents?" she asked.

"It was good. They were really nice. Her dad was kinda scary & weary of me at first but he warmed up to me."

"That's good."

"Yeah. They got me a gift card to Barnes & Noble." he chuckles. "They figured I'd like it since I obviously shop there."

"Right, because you met Juliette there."

"Yeah." he laughs, stealing a piece of candy from her.

"Hey! Those are mine!" she snatches the bag out of her lap. "See, you're being annoying."

"What? You can't give up just one? It's Christmas!"

"No, I need these things to survive right now."

"You're so dramatic."

"I am an actress." she jokes.

"Oh speaking of, I don't remember if I told you. My publicist is already working with yours on getting us interviews for the movie. The trailer drops next week and then the movie is dropping in April."

"April?" she raises an eyebrow. "When in April?"

"Late April I think, but the premier is early April."

"And I'm due the 16th. Great. I hope we'll be able to make it to the premier."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. If we miss it, then oh well."

"I'd rather not, you know? It's my first movie."

"I know, I know. But whatever happens, it'll all work out."

"I know." she sighs.

"We should get to bed. It's been a long day."

"We should. Help me get up?"

"Of course."

Austin gets up and grabs onto her hands and pulls her up.

"Thank you. I'm only 5 months and it's already hard for me to get up sometimes."

"Well, the depth of the couch doesn't help."

"It really doesn't. And hey, thanks again." she smiles.

"You're very welcome." he pulls her into a big hug.

When he breaks away, he drops down to her belly and gives it a kiss. "Goodnight, Violet."

He stands back up, "Goodnight, Vic." he says, looking into her eyes with a quick glance at her lips.

"Goodnight, Aus." she notices the glance at his lips and holds herself back from kissing him.

They turn everything off and head to their bedrooms.

They shut their doors behind them & lean their backs against them, sighing.

Austin thinks, "No. You're in love with Julie, not Vic."

Victoria thinks, "Girl no. We're not doing this again. You are in love with Ash, not Aus."

They take a deep breath, tell themselves everything is fine, and head off to bed.

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#austin butler #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler imagine #austin butler one shot #austin butler smut #austin imagine #austin butler rather die #rather die #elvis presley #elvis

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sukirichi · 4 months ago

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holy shit long rant ahead

"Like-like you're looking for the man who courted you two years ago, the one you truly wanted to marry. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint, because you're not going to find him. He never existed in the first place. Whatever it is you're looking for, you won't find it in me," *shit here we go again audio with head in my hands*

"Get out of your head. Just because I did all those things for you, doesn't mean they meant something. Are you forgetting I spent two years of my life trying to win you over, and I never once felt something for you other than tolerance?" When your face fell, triumph washed over his features. "That's right. You remember now, don't you? She's the one I want. Everything I do is for her. Don't forget your place."

Man idk how the princess heard this another time without breaking down in rage cause either this man is going down with me or nothing. Princess where is your self respect? PICK YOURSELF UPPPPPPP THIS MAN LEGIT RUNS ALL OVER YOU AND all we do is cry and yearn for more LIKE WE NEED TO BLOW IR*S AND HIM UP ATP BRING THE BIG GUNS OUT I NEED KUROO AND HIS ROOSTER LOOKING ASS TO POST THAT ARTICLE ASAP

“Your mother's sniffles was the last thing you heard before the sound of a fist connecting with skin resounded in the area. Pulling back, you gasped at what you saw.”

OH THE SATISFACTION I FELT HERE SWEET HEAVENS I wish someone recorded it and we could watch it all over again cause UM LESGO WWE 🗣️🤺 never have I ever loved a father this much cause he SLAYED LEFT NO CRUMBS AT ALLL #curedmyfatherissues

“Want me, you pleaded silently, at least want me. Just a little bit.” pookie 🤠😟😞 cmon we better than this

“Rintaro hadn't mean to. Sure, he was careless and never used protection, but he thought little of it. Iris® cycles were irregular and they never worried if she missed her period. She was always on the pill - all because of him, since Kiyoomi wouldn't have touched her anyway.”

he’s one sick bastard I hope he rots imagine cheating on your wife that you claim to love, doing it in your shared bed AND without protection like babe the article was so deserved by god

and the ending sentence,,,,,just made me so sick because as much as I hate rin and ir*s, I think I hate the queen and the king more because the issues started with them. with the king being an absolute whore and having kids with random ass women LIKE WHERE IS THE VASECTOMY GET HIS TUBES TIED and the queen being a bitch to rin his whole life just to find out my man got issues for nothing??? not defending him at all but to find out that all he knew as his “home” and family (even tho they sucked) were all never really his,,, I can see his heart breaking with the image he had of his family in his mind in the form of drawings made by his inner child, torn in half,,,,,,,oh I am about to be SICK

(and once he finally found his real home aka princess, bro fumbled it up BADDDD like if I was him I would beg for forgiveness + repent + burn the castle with the queen in it <33 (not the princes, tobio pookie you are coming home with me)

bro’s mental health must be in a delicate state, I hate him but I am also worried for him 🥲

- Freud anon is in shambles btw

THE HERE WE GO AGAIN AUDIO AAHJKA SO TRUE he just keeps on going back and forth like decide already!! 😭 do you want us or not!!

the self respect is… there, just buried under very deep layers of still hoping for something good. but also like we can’t really blame dtd!yn for acting this way because rintaro was FINALLY changing and being the husband we wanted him to be! the whole romantic dinner setup, working on the beach house together, and not once even mentioning iris????!!? BRO WAS DEDICATED. but then yeah he really just had to ruin it all again UGH. “all we do is cry and yearn for more.” actually real.

the daddy issues tag im crying 😭 sending all my love and hugs to you anon. BUT YES omg I loveeee our dad so much in DTD because he really said fuck around and find out! dude literally did not care that he was punching a royal because his daughter was more important than their titles! our parents in dtd are soo parents goals I love them <3

nauh bcos rintaro is careless and CRAZYYY. not only did they do it in OUR bed but he did it raw like! I would’ve thrown up ngl. AGHJSKA the vasectomy LMFAO. unfortunately it’s his duty to have many children and he fulfilled that part VERY well, just yknow… they really should’ve specified to him that he had to have kids with his wife and not other women. but yes I agree! all the problems really started because the king and queen hated each other (or more like, the queen hated him for how he treated her, and the king just didn’t care about her at all. he just knew she’d be a good queen and he needed someone smart and capable in leading the country so he can slack off. terrible, terrible man.) YES OMGGG THE DRAWINGS STOPPP I GET SO SAD EVERYTIME I THINK OF RINTARO’S LIFE WAS STOLEN FROM HIM AND ALL HIS ISSUES, EVERYTHING THAT HE FUCKED UP, HAD BEEN FOR NOTHING! and now he’s fumbling so bad too like bro is losing everything that should’ve never been his in the first place ugh.

YES! we protect and love tobio in this house!! and I agree </3 rintaro is going through a lot and it honestly goes two ways – it’s either he does worse things to cope, or he completely shuts down and forgets everything that happened. I’m not sure which one I prefer…

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #series: dusk till dawn #long ask #freud anon

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gnabnahc317cb97 · 18 days ago

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Color Theory

Jeongin x Female reader

Word count: 7.2k

Synopsis: Your world is varying shades of grey until you meet your soulmate, Jeongin, who brightens up your life in more ways than one.

Warnings: 18+ONLY MDNI! Cursing/strong language, character death, unprotected piv sex (please use condoms), cum shot, cum eating (a teensy bit). I think that's everything but if I missed something let me know and I'll add it asap!

Your mom was teaching you your primary colors. You had learned your shapes and you were working on numbers and letters and now she was working on your colors, an important part of your mother’s world being an artist. Your mom didn’t get why you were having such a hard time getting them right when you had picked everything else up so easily. It was your dad that actually mentioned the possibility of you being color blind as he was passing through the living room where you and your mom were playing during a break from his writing.

She realized your dad might be right so she set up an optometrist appointment for you and had your eyes examined. When the doctor looked, he determined that you had monochromacy or in other words you were completely color blind. It was quite rare really, most people that were color blind had trouble seeing certain colors, but you saw none which was so rare it happened to one in thirty-thousand people worldwide. Being a girl made it even less likely as well since color blindness occurred more in men than women but you were the one in thirty thousand apparently. Your mom’s heart broke a little knowing you’d never get to know and love colors the way she did but she made sure that art was still a part of your life.

You were thankful for that because art ended up being your outlet, your escape, your fantasy world to get lost inside. Any form you could create in you would, drawing, pottery, pastels, but you especially loved painting. You used an array of colors but only ever saw varying shades of gray so you used a lot of texture in your art as well. You became quite well known among the avid art collectors in your city for your unique style and the lack of your ability to see colors. Your paintings were variations of colors chosen by someone with no idea what color was, with the textures it was art that came off the canvas. Your name finally got passed around enough that one of the more selective galleries asked you to do an exhibition. You were working on some canvases for that when your mom walked into your studio. She set down a tupperware bowl and made her way over to you. She wiped at paint on your face shaking her head.

“You wear as much as the canvas does sometimes.” You nodded knowingly.

“I know sometimes I get lost in it and the next thing I know I have spackle caked in my hair.” If anyone understood it was your mom. She looked at what you were working on.

“You’re using a lot of pinks and reds in this one.” You looked at it.

“Have I? I stopped looking at the names on the tubes.” Your mother nodded, examining the amazing work you’d done only knowing black and white and the grays in between.

“I think this one will be my favorite when it’s finished.” You smiled. She was so proud of you. Then she pointed at the food she brought, knowing if she didn’t, you wouldn’t stop and eat. She distracted you just long enough to get you to break away and feed yourself. About halfway through your food your mom got up, squeezed you and kissed the top of your head.

“I’m going to get home sweetie. I have to make sure your dad eats too.” She shook her head at the likenesses you shared with your father.

“Don’t stay up all night.” You nodded knowing damn well you probably would. You had paintings to get done.

“Okay mom I won’t.” Your mother looked at you knowing it was complete bullshit but smiled and headed out.

“I love you sweetie.” You waved as you headed back towards your canvas.

“I love you too mom.” You put your headphones on and got lost in your canvas again. When your dad walked up behind you he scared the absolute shit out of you. You looked at the time and were surprised at how late it was, you pulled your headphones off.

“Dad wha-” The look on his face told you something was horribly wrong.

“It’s mom...” He said and you started to shake your head no as tears came to your eyes.

“No.” He walked towards you trying to grab your hand and you backed away.

“It started to rain, and the car slid...” You kept shaking your head back and forth.

“She’s okay she’s just hurt. Right?” Tears streaked your dad’s face.

“Right?!” Your dad shook his head no.

“She... she didn’t make it sweetie.” You collapsed to your knees and your dad grabbed your shoulders making sure you didn’t hurt yourself falling. You looked up at the half eaten food on the table that she had brought you. If you weren’t so worried about the stupid exhibit, if you had just taken enough care to eat, if she didn’t think she had to bring you dinner, she’d still be alive. When you left your studio that day, you locked it and refused to step foot in it again.

Your dad made all the arrangements and somehow you made it through your mother’s wake and funeral. You moved in with your dad after your mom died and took care of him. Made sure he ate, lifted his head from his computer from time to time so his eyes didn’t burn out of his head. You had wanted to get rid of your studio. Just sell it and let whoever bought it toss the paintings, but your dad wouldn’t let you. He told you to hold onto it, just because you didn’t feel like you could now, didn’t mean you never would. He hoped one day you’d go back to your painting. Two years went by and as fast as your name had been passed around it disappeared from people's lips just as quickly. You were glad.

You were starting dinner and writing down a grocery list when the house phone rang. Your dad was elbow deep in his novel, he wouldn’t stop for a house fire, so you answered it.

“Hello?” You heard a man clear his throat on the other end of the line.

“Oh hi! Uh, My name is Yang Jeongin...”

“We don’t want to buy any but thanks.” You hung up and started to head back over to the food on the stove. You just stirred the sauce when the phone rang again. You sighed and walked over to answer it again. More irritated this time, you were going to burn your dinner.

“Hello?!” He cleared his throat again.

“Hi sorry, I’m not selling anything I’m trying to find an artist by the name of y/n?” You froze, speechless.

“Hello?” Click. You hung up again and walked over to the dinner. The phone rang again and you let it but it kept going and going. You stormed over.

“What do you want!” He was surprised at your outburst.

“I... I... uh are you Ms. Y/n?" His voice had gotten small and you started to feel bad for blowing up on him for no real reason. You sighed taking a deep breath.

“Yea. I’m y/n.” He suddenly got very excited on the phone.

“Oh! Okay um I'm so sorry to bother you but I am a HUGE fan of your art work and I was wondering if you’d be willing to do a commissioned piece for me?” You pinched the bridge of your nose trying to fight off the headache that was creeping up behind your eyes. You sighed.

“I don’t paint anymore.” He hummed.

“Oh...”

“Yea so goodb-”

“Why not?” You were starting to get angry again. You had listened to him and answered him, what more did he want?

“That’s really none of your business. Goodbye.” You hung up and finished dinner. You and your dad sat at the table together as you ate.

“Oh who called earlier.” You shook your head taking another bite.

“No one.” Your dad hummed looking at you.

“What?” He shrugged.

“No one called three times in a row.” You sighed frustrated by your dad’s persistence sometimes.

“Okay! It was some guy asking me to paint him something. I’m not going to.” Your dad nodded.

“Some guy? Did he say who he was?” You nodded and continued to try and focus on your meal and not the conversation you didn’t want to be having.

“Yang... Yang Jeon or something like that. It doesn’t matter, I don’t paint anymore.” Your dad dropped his fork.

“Yang Jeongin?” You shook your head.

“Yea that was it.” Your dad sat there speechless.

“What dad?” He finally snapped out of it.

“You’ve never heard of Yang Jeongin?” You shrugged.

“No?” To be fair when you painted you didn’t keep up with anything on tv or the news. Even now that you didn’t paint you still never really turned on the tv.

“His family is the Yang in the LeeYang corperation. You know that name.” Well yea everyone knew that name, even if you lived under a rock. There wasn’t a single household that didn’t have something made by the LeeYang corp.

“Jeongin is the grandson of the head of the company and his dad is on their board of directors. He was just named the city's most eligible bachelor; his family is old old money.” You shrugged, picking up your plate and walking it to the sink.

“Okay so what. I still don’t paint.” Your dad picked up his plate and took it over to the sink too.

“You could.” You started to fill the sink with water and soap. Your dad stopped you and made you look at him.

“It won’t start to heal until you do sweetie.” You stuck your hands down in the water and shook your head as you tried to will away the tears welling in your eyes.

“No dad.” He sighed, kissed the side of your head and went back to his computer to get back to writing while you cleaned up dinner dishes. That night you laid in bed restless, hoping the clicking of your dad’s computer keys would put you to sleep like they had so many times as a child but you couldn’t. At around two you hollered.

“Bed dad! Brains need sleep to write novels!” You heard him sigh heavily and get up. You weren’t sure when you had turned into the parent. He stopped at your door.

“Goodnight sweetie.” You nodded.

“Goodnight dad.” Thankfully, eventually, you did manage to fall asleep and get a few hours of rest. The next day while you were doing the grocery shopping your cell phone started going off. You grabbed it thinking it was probably your dad wanting some sugary snack. He needed to start eating better and if he asked you for cupcakes you were going to get him apples and bananas. It turned out it wasn’t your dad. It was an unknown number but local so you answered it.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Y/n? It’s Jeongin. PLEASE don’t hang up!” You sighed and pushed your cart down the aisle. Holding your phone with your shoulder as you continued to grab things.

“It’s really not a good time Mr. Yang.”

“I’m sorry I really don’t mean to be a pest. Please call me Jeongin.” You stopped and held onto the phone.

“What can I do for you Mr. Yang?” He let out a nervous laugh.

“Uh well I was hoping that maybe you might reconsider doing the commission? Money is no object...” You hummed.

“I’m aware of who you are and what you have Mr. Yang. I don’t really care. I’m also certain that I’ve told you three times now that I no longer paint.” You hung up on him again and went back to grocery shopping. Jeongin was frustrated. He was usually one to accept a no when that was the answer but he loved your work and he didn’t know why but he needed to get you to paint one for him.

He’d bought so many of your canvas’ from other collectors,for a good deal of money since you disappeared and were no longer painting. No one knew why just that you left the scene two years before, overnight. It had been difficult to dig up contact info on you and after going through all that Jeongin was hopeful that if he asked and said the right number that you’d paint for him. Apparently you didn’t give a shit about numbers which Jeongin found endearing as much as he did frustrating.

A couple days later you were reading a book in the living room when the house phone started to ring. You closed your book, got up and answered it.

“Hello?” Nothing silence.

“Hellooo?” You heard a breath.

“Fuck off perve-”

“Wait wait! It's... I’m not... It’s Jeongin.” You rolled your eyes and sighed irritated that this man was calling you again.

“What do you want Mr. Ya-”

“To apologize...” You stopped surprised to hear his answer.

“For what?” He was surprised to not hear a dial tone.

“For being pushy and not taking no for an answer the first time. If I offended you, I’m deeply sorry.” You felt a little bad. He hadn’t offended you he was just picking at a scab he had no idea about.

“It’s fine Jeongin...” He let out a sigh of relief.

“Okay, thank you for taking my call. Have a good day Ms. y/n, goodbye...” You stopped him just before he hung up.

“WAIT!” He hummed acknowledging he was still there. You were already kicking yourself. You couldn’t believe you were about to say what you were going to say. Why were you going to say what you were about to?

“I’ll do the painting.”

“What?!” Jeongin couldn’t believe his ears.

“I’ll do the painting. Email me your specifications and-” He interrupted you.

“ANYTHING! Literally just do anything you want and tell me a price!”

“Okay okay Jeongin fine.” He wanted to ask a question but he didn’t want to push his luck either. He took a chance.

“Uh would I maybe be able to come by your studio sometime? Once you’ve started?” You hadn’t been to your studio in two years. Your dad stopped by to pick up mail every so often but you had no idea what kind of condition it was in.

“Maybe, let me get it started. Typically I don’t have spectators, especially not the customer.” He understood that and was thankful you were even considering it.

“Yes okay that’s fantastic! Thank you! Thank you so much!”

“Okay Jeongin, I’ll be in touch soon.” You both said goodbye and when you turned to go back to your book your dad was standing there.

“Did I just hear you say you were going to do the painting?” You opened your mouth to complain about his eavesdropping but he quickly cut you off.

“You know what! Forget I said anything! I didn’t hear a thing!” He ran towards the kitchen for a drink and back to his computer before you could start in and you shook your head going back to your book. It was pointless trying to read anymore. All you could think of was a canvas and how you’d move the paint across it. You slammed your book closed, grabbed your car keys and headed towards the studio.

When you got there you stood at the door for a long time. The last time you’d been in there was the day your mom died. When you finally willed yourself to go in it was like stepping into a time capsule. All your paintings were exactly where you’d left them and the one you had been working on was still propped against your easel. You walked up to it and looked at it like your mother had, then picked it up and moved it against one of the walls. You grabbed a fresh canvas, put it on the easel and stared at it, looking for the picture inside it. You stared and stared but you couldn’t see it anymore. Something your mom had planted in you was what made you see it before but she was dead and so was the plant. A whole week you kept going back staring at the blank canvas finding nothing in it.

Week two you were standing in front of the blank canvas, your headphones on trying to find some kind of inspiration. You about jumped out of your skin when someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” You turned and there was a man in a button up shirt and suit jacket. He had fox like eyes that were narrow but some how still seemed kind. You both stood there stunned for a moment. You pulled your headphones down.

“Uh... can I help you?” You wanted to be mad that he’d intruded but he was so beautiful you couldn’t bring yourself to be. You were just curious who this man was standing in front of you staring at you. He shook his head as if he were getting the thoughts in order.

“OH! Uh, yea! I’m Jeongin, we spoke on the phone?” Oh. No wonder he was one of the most eligible bachelors in the city. He was a work of art himself. You still had no idea how he found your studio or what he was doing there.

“Oh Mr. Yang yes, um...” He smiled his eyes scrunching up.

“Please Jeongin is fine.” You nodded.

“Yes of course, Jeongin. How did you find me?”

“I hope it’s okay. I called you a few times and then your house, your father finally answered, he told me I could find you here.” Of course he did you thought to yourself.

“I don’t mean to be impatient I’m just excited to see any progress that you’ve made, no matter how little!” You turned and looked at the blank canvas behind you as he started looking around the room at your artwork.

“Which one is mine?” You pointed at the blank canvas and he looked surprised.

“Oh... I see. Um... well... what’s wrong?” He didn’t mean for the question to come out like it had but as soon as he asked it your face scrunched up angry.

“What do you mean what’s wrong?! It doesn’t just create itself! Why don’t you try to make art out of colors you can’t even see and see how quickly you get it done!” He put up his hands trying to calm you.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you I just meant like... is it why you stopped painting?” You tossed down your headphones angry.

“I’m pretty sure I said that was none of your business!” Jeongin was doing a terrible job at digging himself out of the hole he’d created.

“You’re right I’m sorry it is, I didn’t mean to pry I just, if I can help...” You walked over to the door and opened it.

“Right now you can help by leaving.” He bowed and walked towards the open door. He looked at you as he passed by.

“I’m sorry I intruded. I won’t bother you again, I’ll wait for your call.” He rushed out and down the stairs towards the exit of the building. You slammed your door shut and walked back over to the canvas picking up your headphones and staring at it angrily. You glanced over at the painting you’d worked on the night of your mom’s accident and then did a double take. You saw the shades of red your mom had mentioned when she had looked at it. How? You rubbed your eyes expecting everything to go back to normal but when you opened them you saw shades of blue in other paintings lying around along with the red.

They were all so bright it almost hurt to look at them and then slowly you saw yellow start to seep into your vision. First a pale yellow then a yellow as bright and vibrant as the reds and blues you could see now too. It wasn’t just the paint though everywhere throughout your studio reds, blues, and yellows popped. You rummaged through your paint tubes grabbing the colors and started smattering them across the canvas adding spackle and sand, cotton and ripped paper. When you stepped back you were covered in the vibrant colors and you had Jeongin’s painting started.

That night when you went home your dad was as happy as he could possibly be to see you walk in covered in paint. You didn’t mention the colors. What if you went to bed and woke up and they were gone? You decided if it didn’t go away you by the time you were done with the painting, you’d tell your dad. The next morning when you woke up you looked at your coveralls from the day before and there, smeared all over the front of it, was red, blue and yellow. You were ecstatic! You pulled on another pair of old bibs and ran to head to the studio. Your dad hollered on your way out the door.

“Hey! Breakfast! Most important meal!” You waved as you grabbed your keys.

“I’ll grab some on the way! See you for dinner dad!” He waved and smiled, grabbing his toast and coffee, heading back to his own work as the door slammed closed behind you. When you got to the studio you started staring at the canvas blankly again. When your cell phone rang it gave you an excuse to look at something else other than your half-finished painting. It was Jeongin. So much for not calling you. You felt kind of guilty for going off on him so badly the day before so you answered.

“Hello?” He always cleared his throat before speaking to you, like he was struggling to form his words.

“Hi y/n, it’s Jeongin... well yes... you know that. Uh... would you like to meet me for coffee tomorrow?” You were confused, did he have more questions? He probably wanted to fire you or...

“Like... a date?” You asked and he started to stammer. This man was the most eligible bachelor?

“Well... um... yes? If you want to! No pressure! I’ll still buy the painting either way!” You were a little flabbergasted.

“Uhhh... I... yea... I guess so.” He let out a huge breath.

“REALLY?!” You couldn’t help but laugh a little at his shock.

“Yes Jeongin. I will meet you tomorrow for a coffee date.” He laughed and you could hear the smile in his voice.

“Great okay! Uh... eleven? The shop around the corner from your studio?”

“See you then.” You hung up and started staring at your canvas again frustrated. You made little to no progress the rest of the day and you went home discouraged after having such a burst of inspiration the day before. The next day you went to the studio early, trying and failing to make a little more progress. Before you left to head to the coffee shop you took a couple pictures of what you had done on your phone so you could show Jeongin. When you walked into the café Jeongin was already there waiting at a table. You walked over and he stood up smiling pulling a chair out for you. You bowed smiling.

“Thank you.” He nodded, his cheeks a little pink. The two of you ordered coffee and broke the tension with a little small talk. The conversation naturally evolved into likes and dislikes and you asked a lot of questions about Jeongin trying to keep the topic of conversation off of you. Before you knew it an hour had gone by.

“Oh, wow has it been that long?” Jeongin asked.

“Yea, I should probably head back to the studio and try to get some more done.” Jeongin’s eyes lit up.

“More?!” You had completely forgot to mention the painting.

“Oh yea, well... after you left the other day I made some progress and got it started, here I’ve got some pic-”

“Can I walk you to the studio and see?!” Jeongin’s eyes were scrunched up and his dimples were showing. You’d had a nice time; you didn’t see why not.

“Okay, but only for a minute, I need to work more.” Jeongin stood up excited. He grabbed your coffee ticket and his and started for the register.

“Oh you don’t-” He shook his head.

“Oh no... there’s no way in hell you’re paying for your coffee.” You chewed at your lip and smiled, looking down nodding. He was usually kind of shy around you, soft spoken, so to hear him say something so assertive... well it’s shouldn’t have done the things to your body that it had. Jeongin paid and the two of you walked towards your studio. When you got there Jeongin walked up to the partially finished canvas and looked at it. Something about the way he looked at it from different angles and so closely reminded you of how your mom used to look at your paintings and your heart squeezed inside your chest.

“It’s amazing the way you use colors like this while not being able to tell them apart. This is beautiful already. I don’t know why you would ever stop painting.” Your heart squeezed tighter in your chest and you looked over at the painting from the night of the crash. Jeongin kept looking at the textures and colors, the words that came out of his mouth next shocked not only you but him too.

“Was it your mom’s accident that made you stop, don’t you think she’d want you to continue?” He’d seen articles about the accident when he looked you up. Your jaw dropped as tears instantly welled in your eyes. Jeongin stopped looking at the painting and looked at you as he realized immediately he’d overstepped.

“What?” You heard him loud and clear you were just in disbelief.

“I...” You had snapped here and there at him but this was an all-out explosion.

“DON’T talk about my mother and DON’T assume to know me because you like my work Mr. Yang!” He shook his head.

“It’s not that! I...” You cut him off.

“Is the painting worth more to you knowing that my mom’s death was what made me quit!? That I couldn’t look at a paintbrush or canvas because all I saw was memories of my mother!? Do you need to know that to feel more connected to it!? My mother died because I was stubborn and she brought me food so I’d eat while I worked on my stupid paintings for a stupid exhibit that didn’t even matter! She crashed driving home after leaving here! I killed my mom! My selfish need to create at all costs killed my mom!” Jeongin shook his head as his eyes teared up.

“y/n... no...” You looked at him your cheeks and neck damp with your tears. You started pushing at him screaming.

“Get out! Get out! Just leave me the fuck alone! Leave me! ALONE!” You sank to the ground in front of your canvas just like you had the night your mother died. Tears were streaming down Jeongin’s face now too. He wanted to hold you. Tell you that you were wrong. That your mom dying was just an accident and it wasn’t your fault.

“Get out...” You sobbed, your words a whisper. Jeongin didn’t say anything else he turned and walked towards the door. Just before he shut it he spoke, his voice low.

“I’m sorry.” The door clicked closed and you laid on the floor crying until you fell asleep. You woke up to your cell phone ringing. You grabbed it and squinted looking at it. It was your dad. It was dark now, he was probably worried. You quickly answered.

“Uh... hello?” Your dad could tell he’d woken you up.

“Oh thank god! I was worried when you weren’t home for dinner.” You started apologizing for worrying your dad like that.

“I’m so sorry dad, I fell asleep and I guess I slept longer than I...” You turned on the studio lights and when you looked around you saw greens, and purples, orange. You stopped talking.

“y/n?” Your dad’s voice pulled you back to the conversation.

“Uh slept longer than I meant to. I’m sorry dad I’ll sleep here tonight and be home first thing in the morning.”

“Okay honey, text me when you leave and please be careful?” You hummed absent mindedly.

“Hmm I will dad. Love you.” You hung up and immediately started going through your painting tubes again, you grabbed greens, purples, blues, reds, you mixed new colors and threw paint on the canvas like it would put itself where it needed to go. A lot was still black and white but now there were so many colors! When you finished the painting, you stood back taking it in. It was the most beautiful piece of art you’d ever made. It was vibrant, colors and textures rising off the canvas but it also had a feeling underneath, a sadness, the loss was still there even though you’d gained so much color. You started to cry again, at the pain, at the beauty. When you finally pulled yourself together you pulled out your phone and texted Jeongin.

You: The painting is done. I’ll have it ready for pick up in two days.

Jeongin: I... what?

You: You still want it right?

Jeongin: YES! I DO!

You: Okay it’ll be ready Friday by five

Jeongin: I’ll see you Friday five o'clock sharp

You saw the chat bubbles appear and disappear over and over like he was writing and deleting something multiple times.

Jeongin: y/n?

You: Yes Jeongin, what...

He tried to write sorry a thousand different ways but no matter what he typed out it wasn’t right. Sorry over text for what he’d done wasn’t right.

Jeongin: Thank you

You: You’re welcome

Two days had come and gone and you could still see all the same colors. Inspiration was coming to you a bit more freely now that you’d completed Jeongin’s piece also. You still hadn’t told your dad that you were seeing colors, you still didn’t know what it meant or why it was happening so how were you supposed to explain it to him? You were working on something new when Jeongin knocked at your studio door. Right at five, just like he’d said. You opened the door and he stood there a moment just looking at you. He shook his head and snapped out of it.

“Uh hi! I might be a little early.” You opened the door more letting him in.

“No you’re fine, right on time. You walked over to the completed canvas leaned against the wall and Jeongin followed. When he looked at it his eyes welled up with tears instantly.

“It’s beautiful.” You bowed.

“Thank you.” You whispered. Jeongin turned facing you.

“y/n... I...” He was sorry. He wanted to say he was sorry but his words refused to come out once your eyes bore into his, big and glassy. He took a step towards you closing the space between you, his hand cupped your cheek and before you knew what was happening his soft lips were pressed against yours. Your eyes closed tightly as you kissed him back. He pulled away and you stood there, your fingers pressed to your lips, your eyes closed. When you finally opened them everything was in full color. Red and purple and every color in between. A tear slipped down your cheek and you suddenly realized it was Jeongin. The colors were appearing because of him. He swiped your tear away.

“Please... don’t cry...” You shook your head wiping your face.

“No Jeongin you don’t understand... I don’t know how or what is going on but... I can see colors!” His face scrunched in confusion.

“I thought you’re color blind.” You shook your head smiling ear to ear.

“I am! I was! I don’t know! Every time I’ve been near you more colors have slowly appeared and just now when you kissed me... I can see it all! I can see color!” You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him again. Jeongin wrapped his arms around you, tilted his head and deepened the kiss, taking your breath away.

“Will you go to dinner with me tonight?” Jeongin asked with his forehead resting against yours and you nodded.

“Yes, yes...” You kissed him again and then looked down at your paint splattered overalls.

“Uh... let me run home to get cleaned up and changed?” Jeongin shook his head smiling so big his eyes almost disappeared entirely.

“Text me your address when you’re almost ready and I’ll pick you up.” You were grinning like a fool, you kissed him again three pecks and started backing up towards the door.

“Lock up for me please!” He nodded and you dashed out the door to go get ready as quickly as possible. When you ran into the house you almost ran your dad over.

“Woah woah there speed racer where’s the fire?” You were an idiot. Only just then did you think to tell your dad, everything happened so fast.

“Dad!” He smiled happy to see you so excited about something.

“I can see colors!” He stood up straight and looked at you crazy.

“What?” He asked like he knew you were pulling his leg.

“Dad I swear to god, every time I've seen Jeongin, after I would start seeing certain colors, then he kissed me today and it’s not black and white anymore dad I can actually see colors!” You thought your dad’s reaction would be excitement, hugging you, maybe crying. His face scrunched up.

“He kissed you?” What a dad thing to do, miss the whole point and zero in on that part.

“Yes dad he kissed me.” You rolled your eyes. If at all possible your dad started dadding even more.

“Well I haven’t even met this boy and he’s kissing you?” You shook your head laughing.

“Dad! I told you I can see colors and you’re worried about a boy kissing me?” He shrugged, pouting a little.

“I’m happy but I just would like to know this young man’s intentions.” You hugged your dad.

“Well you’ll get to meet him tonight, he’s picking me up for dinner in a bit.” You started running up the stairs towards your room.

“I have to get ready!” Your door slammed shut behind you and your dad finally let the smile creep onto his face that he’d been holding back. It sounded to him like you’d found your soulmate. It was instant like that for him and your mom too. One touch and they knew. Your dad still missed her every single day, he always would.

Surprisingly you were able to get dressed quickly and you cleaned up nice. A nice black little dress, your hair pulled up and actually paint and spackle free, a little bit of eyeliner and mascara. You noticed a pretty red lipstick that popped out at you and chose that for a final touch. When you walked down your dad was sitting in the living room with Jeongin who looked as nervous as the first time he’d talked to you.

“Dad?” He smiled innocently.

“Yes pumpkin?” You pinched his arm.

“Stop scaring him.” Your dad feigned pain and laughed. He leaned down and kissed your cheek.

“Have fun sweetie.” You smiled and motioned to Jeongin for you to leave. He stood up quickly and walked over by you, his hand resting at the small of your back instinctively.

“It was very nice meeting you sir. I promise I’ll keep her safe.” Your dad could feel it when he’d met Jeongin too, whatever pull there was between you was strong. Your dad knew Jeongin meant it from the bottom of his heart when he said he’d keep you safe.

“I know you will.” Your dad smiled and headed up to his study to put his nose to his screen, he had a novel to finish. Jeongin was an absolute gentleman the whole night, opening your car door, helping you in and out, helping with your chair. You had gotten cold on the small walk you took and Jeongin put his jacket over your shoulders. You burrowed in and it smelled like his cologne and something that was just him, you couldn’t place it but it made you feel warm all over and your body erupted in goosebumps. Jeongin had been holding your hand and noticed.

“You’re cold, let’s get back to the car.” You nodded and he led you back up the walkway towards his car. He opened the door again and helped you in before closing it behind you. He ran around and got in shutting his door then looking and smiling at you. You wrapped your arms around Jeongin’s shoulders and kissed him deeply. Your lips parted, tongue teasing. He held your face as you made out in the car for a while. When you pulled away you gripped at the collar of his shirt, panting and biting your lips.

“This is where I’d invite you to spend the night but I live with my dad.” You huffed out a breathless laugh and Jeongin’s heart raced faster, spend the night?!

“Uh... I live alone, you could come back to mine...” You smiled and kissed him again.

“I’d love to.” You sat down in your seat and buckled your belt. Jeongin’s smile was so big his dimples looked like they never ended. He started the car and headed towards his apartment. If you could call the penthouse of a building his grandpa owns an apartment. When you were with Jeongin you never thought about the fact that he was a Yang and came from money. He was just Jeongin to you, shy, sweet. The apartment reminded you quickly.

“Holy shit! You live here alone?!” He walked towards you and pulled you close.

“Not forever hopefully.” He said cocking an eyebrow at you and you laughed. You started to laugh but then Jeongin’s lips were on your skin moving down your neck and your laughs turned into breathy pants. He claimed your lips again and you started to unbutton his shirt before running your hands up his firm chest and pushing it off his shoulders to the ground. You started to kiss across his shoulder, gently grazing your teeth against his skin and he shuddered. You pulled away and turned, your back facing Jeongin now.

“Will you unzip me?” He walked up behind you, his face buried in your neck as his hands worked your zipper down. Your dress fell off you and when you turned around you were completely naked and Jeongin’s brain checked out.

“Fuck you’re a work of art!” You wrapped your arms around his strong shoulders and kissed him.

“Take me to bed Jeongin, please.” His lips couldn’t be bothered to leave yours as he led you to his bedroom. You worked at his belt pulling it open and off before tossing it and starting on his button and fly. When his pants were loose, they fell and he stepped out of them as he continued leading you towards his big soft bed. When the back of your legs touched the bed you crawled back on to it. Jeongin confidently dropped his boxers and rightfully so. He was not... lacking. He crawled on top of you hooking his arm under your knee and pulling it up, spreading your legs open for him. Before he pushed into you he looked into your eyes. He looked like he was watching the film of your future in them.

“I think you’re my soulmate.” When he said it is when it clicked. Of course. You nodded, your eyes tearing up. When he sank into you, you moaned closing your eyes, a tear slipping down. Jeongin let go of your leg and wrapped it around his waist as he pulled out and pushed into you deep again. He leaned over kissing the skin your tear had rolled down. You opened your eyes and were in awe at the sight of him above you. His dark hair, narrow eyes, his strong chiseled frame held up over you so he didn’t crush you under him. You pulled him closer wrapping your arms and legs around him, wanting him to crush you.

“Faster please...” You whispered and Jeongin’s body moved faster on top of yours. You could feel the pressure building already. You gripped his hair and kissed him as your bodies moved together his cock constantly moving against that place inside you that made your toes numb.

“God yes! Right there!” He fucked you harder and you could feel your climax making the hundred-yard dash towards the finish line.

“I... I... I’m g-gonna cum! FUCK! Don't stop!” Jeongin’s lips overtook your moans as he rolled his hips into you. You didn’t know how he kept doing it but every time you were with Jeongin he showed you new colors. The colors exploding behind your eyes as you came were moving and alive. Jeongin didn’t slow down. No, he sat up as your hands still gripped and clung to his shoulders and fucked you faster with the intention of reaching his own climax and prolonging yours.

“Yesyesyesyes oh it feels so good Jeongin! Mmmm...” a few beads of sweat dripped down the hard lines of his torso as he felt his orgasm approaching.

“Oh go-fuck! I’m gonna cum jagiya!” You moaned and nodded unable to form words anymore. Jeongin pulled out and came on your tummy and pussy. He stroked his cock as he coated you in his cum. He trembled as he worked every drop out onto you. He sat back on his legs, his head towards the ceiling, his eyes closed as he caught his breath and came down. You laid there a million bumble bees buzzing inside you. You ran two fingers through his cum and sucked on them. He looked down at you sweaty and laughing from the euphoria. Once Jeongin was able to function again he ran and got a washcloth to clean you up with. When you were all clean he crawled back into bed and pulled you close, your head resting on his chest, listening to his slow steady heartbeat.

Later, after some digging, you found out you were in fact soulmates. Jeongin never knew why he was so driven to collect your art but it had felt like each piece he got was a piece of you, he felt closer to you with each one. Then he finally searched for you to ask you to paint something and well the rest played out. Jeongin took all the artwork he purchased and opened a gallery for you. You continued painting and even finished painting what you’d been working on the night of your mom’s accident. It was put up in the gallery as a memorial to her. Your dad finished his novel, you found the love of your life and your love for painting again. Your life was no longer a theory of color, it was a spectrum, a prism. It was all the colors your mother had dreamed for you and more.

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

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zorphie · 1 year ago

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Here I saw that you dropped this so I came into your inbox to return it to you 🖊️ (give me any precious OC you have in stock I wanna Know about them)

ty for the ask!! (eats 🖊 whole) everything is below :]

i shall talk about devin for 2day.. my token failboy. God

he's from earth Except it Sucks!! because he's ostracized a lot and has no friends💔 he will often come home and indulge himself in a bunch of his hobbies like drawing ,writing , making music, he's literally just the art kid. he was into a lot of fantasy and imagining himself in those kinds of worlds, doing lots of heroics , yeah you see where this is going . The irony

his only company is his mom which he doesn't mind too much, but it's led him to develop a very self centered attitude (he focused more on himself because he didn't have other people to empathize with if that makes sense?)mf never learned how to share

he ends up in the spiral because there was an urgent situation where mana was flooding into earth, quinn was sent to deal with it. he was worried that devin absorbed it because he could sense his magic and also wanted to save him because devin had some weird negative aura cast on him Somehow (effects include nausea and blurry vision, headaches to anyone nearby, fun all around) quinn was like What Is Going On, panicked, and took him along. worried about this decision later because what if the teachers flip . the plan was just to help devin and bring him back home (uhh very long groan. because this is wizard101 we all know the latter didn't happen)

coming into the spiral has changed devin a Lot for better and for worse. he felt guilty for leaving his mom behind, and she disappeared when he came back to visit. he was excited to learn magic but i think the realization settled in after he killed a man (malistaire)

as the arcs go on he has friends now! finally a circle of people who will accept him. he learns what empathy is because of that! hes still silly and loud but he becomes selfless, a bit more mature and level headed. but he feels like he's become "too selfless" to the point where he's going a little nuts ? always being self sacrificing just to save everyone if possible? the yw pipeline. he wishes he could settle down for A Minute to use his hands to create art again not destroy things . gwah.

just wait until he hears about azteca🙄

he learns his dad is the giant tree and his mom straight up stole him when he was like 3 or something and took him away . Crazy. he's conflicted by the fact that he's being shaped into a weapon by no matter who it is? his mom or the spiral? (his mom is a completely different can of worms I will not be getting to rnLOL but yeah she was just plotting to use him for selfish reasonz) he doesn't like knowing he was born for the sake of (all the horrors he's had to deal with. Erm?) and wants to have an identity seperate from that. his friends remind him that he's still just a human being too. he's doing his best

he delved more into astral magic around arc 3 which was not by choice. at all. (crazy woman told him to . idk why but ihave a lot of evil wizarfd women) and he should not have learned that much but he did! uhmwhoops. it's hazardous. it does not just enhance spells -he could accidentally fuck up time and space. he's learning how to control it with eden and lalin because he needs to eventually. does not actually go to the arcanum scholar about it because he's terrified of seeming like a threat to them

hypothetically he could time travel but that's for his super secret alternate version who's stuck in a time loop we don't worry about that guy

devin's other path would've been a villain if quinn never dragged him into the spiral,, he was missing and people were looking for him but it was near impossible to find him because of the aura he had going on. ambrose's spell wouldn't have worked. (his mom was taking a lot of precautions) it was just known that the scion was out there and he needs to get his ass in the spiral asap or we're all fucked (quinn standing there like 🧍‍♂️as if he isn't ambrose's errand boy)

devin's alternate self is aware of him and is supposed to show/answer "which life would've been better for him". since he's obviously not having a care free time in both

dasein kinda reached him around empyrea because of the astral magic stuff sorta fucking with reality but it was very limited

oh and his eyes turn from full purple to a tint of blue he's got stardust hands now. it's "contagious" and he can flick his hands onto anything and get glitter all over it, he does it a lot on his friends . his blood is also glitter. somebody help him. pros: glitter. Cons: black holes. is it worth it

he's trying to start a silly band.. only amari and erin will join nd they will never stop annoying the others about it

devin is good at the storm spells, but the machines related stuff that his teacher assigns? not at all.so he cheats and asks for eden to do it

his pet is a zappy glowbug who's always scared of everything and frequently flies into glass. it acts as his nightlight. it's also probably radioactive . it can charge your devices but they have a chance of exploding. has also probably electrocuted people

#txt #oc #oc: devin #ask #THIS WAS SO LONG HELP?#OOPS!

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sleepymarmot · 11 months ago

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Vertigo (1958)

[Watched on August 28th]

Please enjoy a liveblog of me watching this classic completely blind and having An Experience. (But only if you’ve seen it yourself, because this is one of the films that work much better when you know nothing in advance.)

Liveblog

The first scene between the man and the woman was the height of “as you know”. They just talk and talk in exposition while I spend several minutes trying to figure out whether they’re a couple or father and daughter.

I decided to watch this film right now because I know it was brought up in Laura Mulvey’s article about male gaze and wanted to read it without getting spoiled, and I don’t know what exactly she said about it, but I immediately noticed how the man is filmed “objectively” but the woman is shown through his eyes, following his line of sight.

Glad I know nothing about the plot because I’m genuinely intrigued.

Has she really not noticed an extremely obvious trail even once?

Oh my god I misread the dates on the headstone as the 20th century instead of the 19th and kept thinking Carlotta died just before the events of the movie. Well, this makes more sense now!

Really pretty shots with the Golden Gate Bridge.

My late grandmother must have looked a lot like the main character when she was young… They were probably born around the same time, she wears her hair in a similar way to what I remember...

Bro I know she’s the other main character and the two of you are probably going to have at least some romantic tension, but why are you grabbing her hand like that, she’s married to your friend…

I am hoping more and more that we’ll get a recap of the entire film from her POV at some point. Like her hiding in the hotel room when he came in to check, or listening in to his conversation with her husband on the phone.

This black-and-white outfit slaps

I’m glad I know nothing about this movie because I genuinely have no idea whether it’s going to be supernatural or not

I didn’t expect her to die so soon. There’s 45 minutes left! So what now? Has the husband been driving her mad to take possession of the inheritance? Is the film going to be about him from now on?

Damn, the effects in this dream sequence did NOT age well

I like how the film draw attention to the 50s pretty women looking indistinguishable. I kept wondering whether Midge and Madeleine were played by the same actress!

Huh, I suspected that she threw a fake body, but didn’t think she wasn’t alone!

Oh, so the dead body wasn’t fake, the living one was.

The film really shifted POVs, and not in a way I expected. Now we know what she’s thinking but have no idea what the fuck he is.

Oh I bet there’s class commentary on this too. I can see where the gender commentary is. I thought the perfect alluring image of upper class white femininity, mysterious and vulnerable, was just a patriarchal cinema convention, but it’s actually constructed even within the fictional universe! What a pity, to know that a man does not want a real you, only a mirage designed to be as stereotypically attractive as possible. “If I let you change me, will that do it? If I do what you tell me, will you love me?” “Yes. Yes.” “All right. All right, then, I’ll do it. I don’t care anymore about me.”

Either he has figured it out and is trying to set up a trap for the murdering husband, or he’s oblivious and poor Judy needs to grab her IDs and run far far away asap

Like, I have to be fair to the dude. From his perspective, he found a woman who is somehow an exact copy of an innocent who’s been murdered by a ghost. He’s living in a fairytale now, as far as he’s concerned she might as well be some magical changeling and if he believes enough he can bring his beloved back or something.

It’s amazing how makeup can change a face — she’s a great beauty as Madeleine and barely noticeable in Judy’s garish facepaint

Oh no is he going to push her into the bay now

“One final thing I have to do.” Nooo motherfucker

“And then, I’ll be free of the past.” Noooo

Oh he’s not pushing her into the water, he’s pushing her off the top floor

Can she push him off instead? Please Mr Hitchcock

Noo why did she kill herself at the last second??

What? That’s the end? He didn’t even jump after her?

Well this was a great movie until literally the last minute. RIP

Why are women so in love with this below average guy anyway???

Rating: between 8 and 9, I think.

[End of liveblog]

Full disclosure: I am publishing this “review” months after watching the film itself, because after reading Mulvey’s “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” I fell into a research rabbit hole, got my hands onto a bunch of academic writing on the film, and didn’t want to post my thoughts on the film until I went through it all, in case my future self wanted to make this movie review double as literature review.

I read “Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema” immediately after watching the film (fighting for my life throughout the psychoanalytical sections, and skipping the paragraphs about the films I haven’t seen yet). Turns out, the analysis of Vertigo takes up only two and a half paragraphs, but it spoils everything so I’m glad I watched the film first. These paragraphs are, of course, quite insightful, except for one weird part where the author describes Judy’s acquiescence to Scottie’s demands as “exhibitionism” and “masochism”. I hope these words had very different connotations half a century ago, because this sounds like downright victim-blaming to me. The current day meaning of these words would imply that Judy enjoyed what was happening, and she made it very clear that she didn’t.

Another essay, “‘The look,’ narrativity, and the female spectator in Vertigo”, written by Karen Hollinger more than a decade later, is a more thorough analysis of this film alone that takes into account the shifts in POV I mentioned in the liveblog above, but to my disappointment, it also describes Judy’s attempts to mollify Scottie as “masochistic”. For the sake of my own sanity, I’m going to assume that word really meant something else in old academic writing.

“The Critic as Consumer: Film Study in the University, Vertigo, and the Film Canon” by Virginia Wright Wexman is a much more grounded essay: it does away with psychoanalysis and talks about the film in the context of its production, which was pretty informative, as well as provides the class commentary I wished for in the liveblog. It was enjoyable to read an analysis based on the material realities of the world that actually exist, and not on someone’s fever dreams. This might be my first dive into this corner of academia, and I was unpleasantly surprised to see people spend so much effort on a methodology that seemed so obviously inadequate to me.

I went through 5+ more articles in addition to the ones I named above, but that reading had diminishing returns. The more I read, the more familiar with the material I became, and the less interesting it was to read other people’s analysis, especially because I kept disagreeing with it. Broadening my horizons in this way was pretty fun and I don’t exactly regret it, but the process wasn’t a great use of my time and energy, and actively demotivated me from watching more films because after months and months I still wasn’t done with this one.

Here’s something I learned from one of the articles: there doesn’t seem to be a singular canonical explanation for whether Judy fell accidentally or jumped to her death on purpose. The initial screenplay, which I found online, indicates it was an accident; Kim Novak herself said in an interview that it was suicide. Not only did Hitchcock not show what happened, he didn’t seem to bother to either inform the actress of his interpretation or come up with one at all. That's how little he, and therefore the film itself, cared about the main female character. Nothing matters but the man and his trauma. Scottie’s storyline is concluded poetically regardless of the reason why Judy falls, but Judy’s own storyline is literally dropped as if it was never there.

#vertigo #liveblogs and reviews #blah blah blah #last day to post all the reviews i've been accumulating throughout the year!

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unitedbydevils · 1 year ago

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Match Review: Brighton & Hove Albion Women 2-2 Manchester United Women

Unlike the Arsenal youth team, Manchester United's women's side did actually make it to Brighton, though it was a difficult affair that took the super sub antics of Rach Williams to save a result...

For United, it really is a case of Jekyll and Hyde at present. In attack, the reds look strong and full of guile and ideas, but perhaps aren't as clinical as they could be - especially given the class of Geyse but her lack of goals since arriving at United.

In defence, Zelem is a dependable captain in the pivot as a passing 6, and Mary Earps - for all the contract drama - is solid in goal (sorry haters, you're just looking to knock her down a peg). The issue comes with the back four. Gabby George, the die-hard United fan and LB, is out injured and missed massively. In her absence we've seen both Hannah Blundell and Jayde Riviere swap between LB and RB to deputise. Both prefer the right side, both aren't at the level of Ona Batlle there, and both aren't as comfortable as George out left. United's defence suffers as a result of the high pressure being put on the wide positions and chances coming in.

For this game, Millie Turner was all over the shop. She missed an early header defending a corner, which forced a clutch save from Mary Earps, and was miles off Terland for Brighton's opener, but it's not purely Turner's issue. Toone lost the ball from a high risk pass out by Blundell. Galton goes to press but then switches players rather than forcing the press and letting someone else - Blundell in this case - pick up the next player. Blundell hesitated which allowed the pass in to Terland, and Turner isn't on the forward whilst Le Tissier is in a weird no man's land behind the pair of them half marking the other attacker and half loitering. Indecision crippled United for the first goal.

It wasn't awful from United though. Geyse was denied by the post first half, as was Ella Toone with a cheeky cross-cum-shot which former red Sophie Baggaley tipped onto the crossbar, before blocking Millie Turner at close range.

The second half saw more sustained pressure from United until finally an equaliser, courtesy of a beautiful curling effort by Ella Toone. Top right corner, perfectly out of reach of Baggaley, and you could see the delight on her face as United were finally back in the game.

Brighton smartly broke on the counter, with Veatriki Sarri testing Mary Earps late on, and again the defensive issues were visible; United's back line clearly not holding any semblance of a line or an offside trap. Rather it felt like a scramble to get back and do anything, which is something coaching needs to address asap.

An 89th minute corner was nodded in back post by Brighton captain Bergsvand to give the Seagulls what nearly all thought was a late victory at the Broadfield Stadium, but never say never when Rachel Williams and Fergie Time are involved. The super sub scored a late late 98th minute equaliser, tapping in back post as Brighton's defence couldn't properly head clear Katie Zelem's corner. Not quite a mirror of Brighton's second goal but a true striker's finish and top positioning to be ready for the opportunity.

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With two wins (Villa and Everton) and three draws, United find themselves 6th of 12 in the Women's Super League, though only one point behind City, Spurs, Liverpool and Arsenal - all of whom are on 10 to United's 9 points.

Whilst Everton were easily dispatched, Villa were close to a result against United, as were Leicester and now Brighton. United have only faced Arsenal from the sides above them, so manager Mark Skinner has his work cut out to shape up United's defence ahead of tougher ties in the coming weeks.

The big dilemma will be whether he benches Geyse for Malard as the centre-forward in order to start with the industry of Lucia Garcia, or will he continue to risk being too big a gap between attack and defence?

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whatsjenniupto · 1 year ago

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Nazaré, a town of ups and downs

After my freezing cold walk through Ericeira, I was hesitant about my stay in Nazaré. I was even more hesitant after sitting outside my guesthouse, messaging the owner on the booking app, whatsapping all posted phone numbers on the door, and scrounging around my bags for every snack source available while waiting for entry.

Eventually, the owner's aunt came along, let me in, and gave me a tour of the place in German because that was our lingua franca. It had taken me so long to gain access to the guesthouse that I was now starving in the middle of the day when all the restaurants are closed. Great.

I decided to do a loop around town, but knew I was going to end up at a grocery store buying packs of chicken and cheese before I fell over from hunger. My guesthouse was conveniently located just off one of the main roads, easily walkable to all parts of the city -- which is completely why I picked it even though every single review mentioned how frustrating gaining access to the place was. My review agreed, but the guesthouse did exactly what I wanted it to: allow me to quickly get to the beach -- where I almost immediately decided to instead duck down shaded streets because Nazaré and Ericeira have completely different climates.

Nazaré was sweltering under the midday sun. It was so bright, I could barely keep my eyes open. I could feel the Death Valley Badwater Basin loopy effect starting to hit me and knew I needed some electrolytes ASAP. I went straight back to the Spar, bought my protein and salt sources, and headed back indoors. Where I stayed until 6pm, shortly before restaurants opened again for dinner.

Ericeira has a microclimate with a northern wind. It's frequently much colder than you think it should be and more humid (hence my not so enjoyable damp, frigid afternoon). Nazaré has much more of a Mediterranean climate with an east/southeast wind that provides warmer and drier temperatures. Ergo, Nazaré is basically perfect at the end of July as long as you avoid the midday sun. Although, if you are the type of person who enjoys swimming in the ocean, you likely will enjoy those hours as well. As I reside ten minutes away from an angry purple sunburn, I was spending from when I finished lunch until when I could get dinner inside.

Nazaré is divided into an upper town and a lower town, connected by a very, very worth it funicular. There is also a slippery staired path that connects the two, but I feared my life climbing down to the swing and deigned to go no further. (If you look to the right of the funicular, there's a wooden arch in the middle of the hill. That's actually a swing.) I also lost my patience after about three groups of people grabbed the swing while I was waiting for it to empty. All I wanted was an empty swing photo. All I got was annoyed that I had nearly fallen all the way down and now had to pull myself up using the railing since apparently my shoes felt they were on ice rather than hot, middle of the day, worn down stones. Or maybe those two are basically the same thing....

The streets at the base of the funicular in the lower town are tightly packed multi-level homes that make up the Fishermen's District. The streets gradually get wider and new construction is easily seen surrounding the area. Older women in traditional skirts sit on chairs at the end of streets all day holding up signs offering lodging, many rooms located in those newly constructed buildings. Nazaré is changing. It's no longer a quiet fishing village. It's trying its best to capitalize on tourism. With beautiful beaches, the biggest waves I've ever seen, and incredible restaurants, it's easy to see the draw.

The iconic boats are also located on the beach in the lower town. Just behind the boats in the top photo are stands where fish is dried and then available for purchase -- unfortunately they were pretty much empty when I was there. I think there was one stand of drying fish. The beach has an accessible boardwalk, allowing wheelchairs to get midway down to the ocean with relative ease. A great addition to any seaside town.

O Sitio, the upper town, boasts sweeping views over the lower town as well as coast. While there might be a slightly higher concentration in restaurants in the lower town along the beachfront, there are plenty of delicious choices up top. I opted for a grilled fish restaurant as I had one goal after finally connecting that barnacles aren't in season in July because they're spawning -- like most seafood. While disappointed that this trip wasn't going to allow me to try gooseneck barnacles, it was sardine season. And I was pretty excited to try me some sardines.

#europe #portugal #nazare

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horsedivorced · 2 years ago

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My Little Pony: Divorce is Magic

In short, it is an alternate universe where the mane six get divorced from as many people as possible.

I had the idea for it when I was reminiscing about early mlp fandom shipping. In 2013 I was 11 years old and the target audience for my little pony g4; I frequented deviantart despite not having an account so I could find bases and look at base edits. And of course, I looked at Next Gens, who didn't look at Next Gens?

This was the early days of mlp, if my memory is correct Twilight hadn’t even become a princess at this point. There were not a lot of major male characters besides Big MacIntosh and Spike. And the mlp fandom (or at the very least the slice of it I was privy to) refused to ship any of the mane six with women.

Which led to the laughable phenomena of people picking out background ponies who barely even spoke and pairing them up with Twilight, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, etc. All because they didn’t like gay people.

Pictured above, left to right: Comet Tail, Caramel, Pokey Pierce/Royal Pin

I saw these three a lot. I saw them with their wives and 2.5 children and I thought “wow, that's really weird, these might as well be ocs“. Alongside them were Soarin (extremely minor character), Big Mac (minor character), and Spike (main character but also hes a child and people were pairing him with adults, ew). I couldn’t tell you how many drawings I saw where they’d settled down with the mane six and started various families.

I’m not saying that any of these ships are bad outright, but the fact that so many people defaulted to them solely because they were straight says a lot about the fandom at the time.

(Which isn’t even touching on the whole ‘2.5 kids’ thing either. I distinctly remember seeing people say that they didn’t ship any of the mane six with each other because then they couldn’t have babies. Not only is this a very deranged reason for refusing to ship something, not only is this ignoring that trans people exist, not only is this ignoring that adoption exists......... like. Even if two cis women ponies got together, you really think they wouldn’t be able to magic a baby into reality that shares their genomes?? This is my little pony, the sky is the limit! Use your head!)

Imagine that! Choosing a no-canon-interaction, basically nonexistent straight ship instead of a gay one with actual basis and dynamic. For Comet Tail, Caramel, and Pokey they were practically inventing new dudes just so they wouldn't have to pair a woman horse with another woman horse.

I thought nothing of it at the time, but thinking back on it recently I thought: well, had these banal relationships actually gotten together...a lot of them would end up separating, wouldn’t they?

Under the assumption that Equestria functions with the same mindset as these bronies (must get straight married and have 2.5 babies asap), realistically the mane six would end up as divorcees.

Not to be cynical, but the idea that all of them would marry a couple milquetoast dudes and have happy fulfilling marriages just isn’t likely. I’m a child of divorce, I’m friends with several children of divorce, things just don’t work out like you think they would. People change for the better and worse. It happens.

Thus, My Little Pony: Divorce is Magic. Everyone’s separated from their bland boy toys and now must navigate the world as they adjust to the separation and joint custody. But...its not 2013 anymore, its 2023 (oh god, ten years?) and mlp has finished with nine seasons to it’s name - and with that many seasons, they have many more characters.

And with that many characters, you know damn well they added in some new straight love interests. Why stop at just one for each member of the elements of harmony? That’s right baby, the mane six are getting divorced from EVERYONE. Their lawyers are at the ends of their ropes. Their children are unimpressed. The martial drama is through the roof!

you get a divorce! and you get a divorce! and you get a divorce and you-!

At this point I thought. Why not gay divorce too? Why not, at this point. Just because gay you’re gay doesn’t mean you can’t ruin your relationship and break up! #equality!

This was a commentary at the beginning. This alternate universe was created to send a message about settling with someone you don't like just to uphold an unnecessary status quo that doesn’t make anyone happy. Now its the battle dome, the ladies are getting divorced from each other, alimony is being fired on all cylinders. The world is in shambles. Every week the Canterlot socialites gather to discuss how long Grand Princess Twilight will tolerate her new paramour. Rainbow Dash does a sonic rainboom outside her ex-wifes house as a means to say “pay child support lol“. Pinkie pie has a running tally of how many more days before she can legally put her divorce papers into the party cannon and launch it at her adulterous spouse’s face.

Oh. And Cadence and Shining Armour. They’re here too...They’re fine, they’re the only couple who has managed to stick together through thick and thin. Every time they visit Cadence asks if twilight is really ok and Twilight says “Yeah I’m having an epic divorce moment“ and its true. She is having an epic divorce moment. I made a fucking spreadsheet.

The only reason Cheese Sandwich died instead of getting divorced is because killing off Weird Al’s ponysona through ‘a tragic sousaphone accident’ is the funniest goddamn thing to me. Hell.

....And of course the kids. The Next Gens. They exist, I like designing characters based on mixing genes together. I like speculating on how colours get passed down through pony lineages.

So they exist and they are caught in the crossfire of the rapid separations. They get half-siblings upon half-siblings. I have experienced firsthand how parents splitting up can negatively affect their kids; so while this is a fun and goofy and silly alternate universe, I’m gonna try and feature the conflicting feelings that would come about if your mom didn’t stop picking up spouses and flinging them at the wall. In a funny way (hopefully).

I believe that’s all the preamble needed to understand mlp dim, you can find posts that exist in that universe under the #mlp dim tag. Primarily through the framing device of Cheesecake Delight, the 4th wall-breaker. I thought it’d be fun if the only canon Next Gen set the stage for the ones I’ve created in my off time.

#Kit dialog #mlp fim #mlp dim #LONG post

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whattheabcxyz · 7 months ago

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2024-05-08

Singapore

2 men convicted in $3b money laundering case deported to Cambodia - good riddance!!!

NEA steps up measures to deter littering in hotspots

IRAS to claw back S$60m from buyers who used "99-to-1" loophole to avoid ABSD

Losses of over $100m prevented after more than 3K scams disrupted by police & banks - haven't we heard all this before?!

Ex-auxiliary cop jailed for misappropriating seized sex enhancement drugs for his own use

Amazon invests $12b in operations & cloud infrastructure here; also launches AI training scheme

Police have incurred $646K so far to maintain assets seized in $3b money laundering case - just f***in' auction them off ASAP ffs!!! 🤦‍♀️

Foreigners make up almost a third or more of PMET staff for 20% of larger firms here

Basketball coach who sexually abused 4 teen boys gets 19 years’ jail & caning

MAS to ensure DBS identifies root cause of recent disruptions & addresses it effectively

LTA says new onboard unit's power draw is comparable to an in-car camera's

Finance

Singapore is now world’s 4th wealthiest city, overtaking London

Business

Company running luxury timepiece investment scheme found to have breached contractual obligations to 5 HK investors - smells like a huge scam to me

Science

Is there a biological basis for why some organ recipients experience a personality change? - turns out there could be!

Health

Teens who vape have higher levels of uranium & lead in their bodies, scientists find - I don't think the stupids will care, since they were stupid enough to vape in the 1st place

Sports

British female darts star refuses to face transgender player allowed to compete in women's tournament - good for her; other sportswomen should be boycotting tournaments that allow this too, unless they don't mind going up against someone physically stronger than them & losing every time no matter how hard they train!!!

Singapore keen to host World Chess Championship at end-2024

Nature

^ Orang utan’s use of medicinal plant to treat wound intrigues scientists - it somehow knew to use a plant known for its pain-relieving & wound-healing properties!

Travel

Surge in Chinese tourist arrivals in Singapore for Labour Day "Golden Week"

#sports #travel #nature #health #science #business #finance #singapore

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dopaminergicaddictions · 9 months ago

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3/8/24

6:46 a.m-updated

I doubled up on the sleeping meds. I should be sleeping by 8 a.m or 9 at the latest. I'm a little worried I'll throw off my circadian rhythm but who knows. I had to double up bc I've only been up for 15 hours.

I cleaned out two draws today. I was productive. Tomorrow aka later today i have to call the psychiatrist and call disability to reschedule my appt.

Then I'm going to finish my password book. I might sweep my room and clean my ac. I got to finish my mattress pillow top. I did all my laundry but that. Including my bedding. I've been productive.

I had a dream about you last night. I wish I could remember it. It wasn't a good one. That's all I know but when I woke up it was before 7 hours and I just passed back out and it was gone.

I have a feeling you ignored me again. Idk.

The hallucination has been the same. So I guess the weed didn't do any damage at least I hope. I hope I can get in with the psychiatrist asap....

No news on the dating front. That arsenal of photos without glasses is coming up. If a girl can't like me for who I really am that's okay. I don't need to see clearly.

I know you would have wanted me to wesr my glasses. It seems most women do not like the bald guy with glasses look.

I looks funky without my glasses but whats a guy supposed to do?

I feel less attractive with them on. Once I wear my new script for a few days I'll see Apple sauce tbh.... so maybe getting those ray bans aren't worth it. I just want to look attractive.

I wish a woman would like me with my glasses. I wish a girl would like the bald guy with glasses look. It's who I am but I guess I need another Katie. Someone who would rather I not see clearly. Its not that's important to see clearly. Maybe I can introduce myself with glasses on thr first date bit without any photos in glasses I'd feel like I was lying. They might not like it.

Also I could wesr them sometime later... idk... Maybe I'm just not meant to be loved how I am... I used to have one good eye. Not neither is good but things aren't that blurry...

I'm never going to be an edgy guy with tattoos who looks sexy. I'm always going to be a dorky guy... without any tattoos at this point I'd get some just to look more attractive...

I'd actually change a lot about myself despite liking how I look to find someone.

It is what it is. I'm going to do one profile as thr authentic Nathan and one profile as the fake Nathan and see what happens.

I can't help but think all the women are like he is dorky. Maybe it's the bald head. We will find out. I'm never wearing a toupee but like- Maybe just maybe taking off Mt glasses will give me an edge.

I might remove all my videos in yotube with my glasses.. I won't have many left but whatever. No one minds watxhing me if they want to see the gameplay but women don't like something about my picture. I think I look handsome. It's their loss but I can't be alone forever.

If you're coming, just know I'm still waiting for you. I'm not joking. None of my eggs are in that basket... but if I found someone I'd drop her for you in 2 seconds.

I want to grow old with you. I want to watch your girls grow up. I want to marry you but most people never get what they want. And I accept that.

I'll always be hopelessly in love with you. I'll always think about you fondly. I'll always love you with every fiber of my being. I'll always wish any girl I end up with is Elise.

I feel stupid for saying that but its the truth

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bunnypopgal · 9 months ago

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Hello. It's been a few years since i made this blog and made my first post. I now deleted my first post bc i found it to be cringe and honestly really painful. i have grown a lot in these past years and have seemingly beat my hallucinations for now. i know that will most likely come back prob once i become a mother one day but i feel more prepared to beat them again.

Other than that i dumped and got dump by two partners, made and lost almost all my friends besides one. dont judge by like im sure many of us are im a sucker for the friends turned lovers trope and well ive been dating my best friend for almost going 2 years now. he has been super accepting, a wonderful partner and my biggest support thru it all so far. hes my only support system honestly.

i am deeply scared to make friends again after what my last friend did to me.. for years and i just let her. i cant really blame it on having low self worth either since i honestly really like myself and who i am but more so i didnt know HOW to be treated by others. let me be clear NOT how I treat others, no-no but HOW others SHOULD treat ME. isnt that nuts? you think that would be something we just have inside of us as humans (or otherwise) that we would just KNOW that. i dont FEEL like a doormat either but maybe i am. not with everyone, mind you. just like people ive grown to have developed a trusting bond in with respect packed in there like a mozzie stick, yum, ya know? i love em like chosen family and youre gonna body shame me for not being short for a woman, like what? you think i wouldve picked it out asap that chick SCREAMED pick me but i also saw her good qualities too which is why i wanted to be friends with her... i trusted her a lot. Oh well tho.

As much as it still hurts sometimes the fear is still there. i, as a woman also fear other woman. i know, i know. there is so many other wonderful women out there who would never treat me so badly but my brain is gone broken from so many traumatizing events over and over again. it irrational, i know it. its also isolating. i dont go out much at all but honestly blame the economy for that. i plan to be getting a part time job soon which you can also blame the economy for haha but also i want to meet people and have some kinda structure in my life again. hoping for friends right now is something im maybe not ready for honestly i think ill just start with talking to people again and let that be that. i hope to get some kind of a cleaning job so it will be a little to no talking to people depending on where im set up.

im just kinda scared to open myself up again to other people. online of course is different mainly besides the usual explanation but also for me, the internet is a black hole where NO ONE see the crap i shit out which includes my art i make sadly. i dont really try all like hard to make people see it anyways. i am still scared of people after all.

anyways today i have plans to hang out with my partner before he has to go to work. im hoping we can play palworld together again hehe. Other than that its house chores and back to drawing for me today. i just came out of another depressive episode recently so i have a few great messes to clean up. its a good thing i like cleaning, ya know when i dont feel like i wanna disappear. what can i say, its genetic. thanks, dad haha.

im planning to get back into my old hobbies too like live streaming. ive been live streaming all over the internet off and on since i was maybe 14. im 23 now so 10 years!!! WOWIE!! when i was growing up my family would joke around saying i need my own reality show haha. i do have a huge personality, ig but thats something im very comfortable and like about myself. bold and funny, i think!! streaming is a super relaxing thing to me. i talk to myself anyways and i always have. you dont stay this "sane" without talking to yourself to fight off the loneliness haha.

that reminds me recently my partner told me he found me to be a "increaser of morale, an inspiring person, you're motivating and you make being emotionally positive SO EASY." im still so stunned and very very VERY flattered he told me that! even if its not true im glad he feels that way bc thats a nice way to be. hes very very sweet to me.

well i could write forever right now honestly but i should probably go drink enough water to take out a house fire so i dont die of dehydration.

oh, if only. (JOKING)

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fixing-bad-comic-art · 4 years ago

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We've talked about the boob socks but what is with comic artists and showing womens navels through clothing?

I Have No Clue??? like i wonder at it every time i see it and i never like Get it? it seems to be 'sexy'? like the only time you see a navel through clothing is when the artist is Undeniably horny on main. but like... when i think of ~sexy~ body parts the navel isnt high on the list? so i just Dont get it, i cant see the logic in the slightest

#not a fix #anon #like its an extra detail thats pretty free floating and doesnt inform about the shape #its More work with no purpose?#idk i think they just want to draw naked women #in other woman related news #the under rated comic lady drawings are on hold for a little bit. as are most other art things on this blog #i got a Fun phone call from a doctor earlier today #had a very routine appointment yesterday #got some imaging done #took a while because these appointments always take 2plus hours #but what ever #anyways #the phone call was to tell me that this specialist was referring me to a more specialist specialist #and that i should start back on some eyedrops ive been on and off my entire life #and that the og doctor had already been in contact with the specialist to tell her to get me in asap #theres normally an 8 month plus wait period to get seen #im seeing her next week on the fourth.#but the og doc was very clear that she just wants a second opinion #and its probably fine #<l:]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]])]]]]]]]]]]#anyways im Very dilated now and will be for a week #which just means everything will be slower #vent over

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crystalcow · 3 years ago

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𝑃𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑢𝑙𝑙 𝑇𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑠//𝐷𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝐶ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑑

Masterlist // dreams child ml

Even the good children get hurt..

Dream x reader !p !child reader // THIS POST WAS INSPIRED BY @smolbox-png

Pronouns used: they/them

Warnings: Swearing, yelling, fighting, therapy

･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Thank you for this.. Puffy.” The teenager looked up to the older women, fear and pain set and plastered within them.

“I saw the request for your case, and I couldn’t bear to turn you down. Now would you like to start?” They slumped down in the chair putting their head into their palms. Faint scars from the egg vines visible on the open skin.

“My father was a good man before everything, but there were times where.. He wasn’t okay.”

✼*･ﾟﾟ･*:*ﾟ:*:✼

Age 6

The small child scoured throughout the brick house, peaking inside the different brown chests. They grabbed everything they could find useful, shears, emeralds, and paper.

They took all the materials running back to their room, bumping into a tall figure on the way. “Hey hey hey, where do you think your going?” Sapnap teased bringing the child up into his arms.

“Working on a little project..” They whispered into his ear, the man grinned playing along. “What kind of project?” Y/n giggled cupping Sapnaps ear, “It’s a secret, you can see it when it’s done tho!” He nodded putting them down, ruffling their hair before letting them go.

Hounding the bag over their head, placing it down on the small table Sam built. The wood was adorned with different drawings and writing, ‘ᗪ𝗋𝖾𝖺𝗆 Ƭ𝖾𝖺𝗆’ carved into it from the help of Dream.

They grabbed one of the colored pencils that were scattered onto table, drawing different designs on the paper. Once they settled with something they liked, they grabbed the extra clay they found molding it into a bowl like shape.

Carefully grabbing the shears, carving a similar look as to what was on the paper to the clay, admitting a quiet whimper as the blade cut their finger. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.. Daddy doesn’t cry when he gets hurt! Be like him.”

They continued to impede themselves from crying, wrapping the bloodied finger in a bandage wrap. Once they finished healing their finger, they grabbed the clay mask bringing it up to the light. Satisfied with the result, rushing to Sapnap.

“Uncle Sapnap! Lookie!” Sapnap jumped off the counter placing the child onto the nearby stool. “Oh shi-taki mushrooms.. Kiddo, this looks great!” He smiled at the child, adorning their craftsmanship. “The time with bad and Skeppy really did the trick.”

His smile quickly turned into a frown, viewing over at the beeping communicator.

‘Sapnap where are you?’

‘Get over here Lmanburg ASAP’

‘SAPNAP THE BRITS ARE USING DRUGS’

He scoffed helping Y/n down from the counter, “Wanna go help uncle Sapnap and your dad beat some child asses?” The raven haired male asked as the child eagerly nodded. “Too bad, maybe next time kiddo.” He ruffled their hair once again earring a slap on the shoulder.

“Cmon, let’s go see Bad and Skeppy.” The pair was ready to go out, as the beeps started once again. “Your pops can be really freaking annoying.” He looked down, laughing as they nodded.

‘Sapnap where the fucking hell are you’

‘Chill man, I’m taking care of YOUR kid’

‘Take them back home, we lost.’

He tatted his foot on the ground biting the inside of his lip. “Never mind I guess, run off to your room. I’m gonna have to deal with some shit..” They shrugged ready to go fix up anything with the mask.

✼*･ﾟﾟ･*:*ﾟ:*:✼

Minutes had passed by, loud slams and slashes could be heard coming from downstairs of the community house. “Where the fuck are my damn emeralds! Sapnap, George!” Their head perked up at the sound of Dreams voice, making them smile being proud of the creation that laid infront of them.

A knock on the door brought them out of their lucid state. “You’re back!” They giggled as dream entered the room, his mask was pushed so only half of his face was showing. A snarl was plastered, eyes looking down and dreadful. “Hey look I made something.”

Dream looked around the room and spotted the green gems spread around the table. “There’s my emeralds, what did I say about touching my fucking stuff. You have to ask permission! My one fucking rule is ask damn permission.” He punched the wall in frustration, causing the little one to jump from their seat.

“I didn’t mean to make you angry, actually I made something.” They pursed a smile, whilst shaking in fear. “You failed at the first part, I don’t have time for your shit right now. Lchildburg is on its high horse, that damn Wilbur soot and that prit.” The man continued to mutter to himself. He grabbed the first thing he could find, before throwing it to the wall he had just previously punched.

Y/n screamed cowarded into the corner, as the mask they had previously made now in shatters on the floor. Sapnap and George came rushing into the room after hearing the loud crash, George immediately running to the crying child. “What the fuck happened!” Sapnap squalled, appalled at the sight.

George cradled them closer to him, the shoulder of his shirt soaking up the tears. “Dream, what the hell did you do to them?” The blonde suddenly felt aware of the situation, embarrassed, pulling the mask over his eye once again. “I didn’t hurt them..” He muttered, Sapnap dragging him out into the hallway.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen when we’re not here.”

✼*･ﾟﾟ･*:*ﾟ:*:✼

“So, did he take your anger out on you frequently?” Puffy asked writing small notes down into the file. “Not necessarily, there were just times.” She sighed, pushing forward the previously set biscuits and cookies from Nikkis Bakery.

“Times? As of multiple?” They nodded fidgeting with the hem of their clothing. “Would you like to continue?”

･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I want to remind everyone that this is purely fictional’ and deals with CHARACTER dream! The actual person would never do any of these things!

As always, ask or request anything! And ask if you want to be on a taglist!

@creatorofstars @georgenctfound @samistheidiot @smolbox-png @ghostlysenses @stellarinstigator

#dreams child #dream x reader #dreamwastaken x reader #dream team x reader #dream team #sapnap x reader #sapnap #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound #dream smp #dream smp x reader #lmanburg

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benevolentbirdgal · 4 years ago

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Purim: a Jewish holiday and wild ride from start to finish

So let me tell you about the absolute soap opera that is the Jewish holiday of Purim. The scene is set in ancient (appx. 4th century B.C.E.) Persia during the first Jewish Diaspora, in the city of Shushan (typically identified in secular sources as Susa, a now-abandoned ancient city in what is now Iran). I’m telling you, as a work of literature (even beyond theological implications for Jewish people), this book has everything: love, drama, royalty, intrigue, ego, plots, irony, mystery, and a strong female lead.

[some non-slur swearing below]

Ahasuerus, party-loving king of Persia executed or exiled (translations argue) his wife Vashti, and had to find a new queen. Why did he do this, you ask? Well, it really starts with an 180-day party across his kingdom for all his subjects to celebrate the third year of his reign. After that absolute rager, party-bro KA has another one immediately after for a week, this time just for the capital city of Shushan. Vashti was having a woman’s party in her quarters, presumably living her best life, when party-bro sends his top seven yes-men to deliver a message to Vashti. This sleaze-ball wants her to appear at his party in front of everyone, wearing her crown, with the clear implication being only her crown. Vashti more or less tells him to pound sand (I mean, not the literal translation, but that’s the sentiment).

KA’s advisors convince him that this is not only an offense against the king but also against all the men in the country (ah, the joys of ancient patriarchy and toxic af masculinity). KA writes a degree that women must respect their husbands so he has an official reason to get rid of Vashti. Vashti is soon thereafter out of the picture and the king is short a queen. Whether she was a Wise Lady With A Point Who Got Screwed Over or a Vicious Jew-Hating Adulteress Who Had It Coming has been a matter of furious debate for over two millennia (the Babylonian Talmud and the Jerusalem Talmud vociferously disagree on her). In any case, KA regrets it pretty quick and wants a new queen.

At the behest of his advisors (you know, since their last advice worked out soooooo well), KA had a big contest/forcible gathering of young women from around his kingdom and a Jewish woman, Hadassah, was the winner. Hadassah was an orphan raised by her cousin Mordechai in the city of Shushan. Hadassah is more commonly known as Esther, because she changed her name to hide her identity as a Jew (at the behest of Mordechai). In any case, KA decided he liked Esther best and she became queen (it’s specifically mentioned both that he loved her most and that the palace staff liked her because she was nice to them-it’s unclear how much of an influence the latter was).

Concurrently, a wicked man named Haman was the top advisor to the king and the king would basically rubber-stamp whatever Haman wanted. Haman was a raging Jew-hater-this will be relevant later.

Some time into Esther’s reign as queen, Mordechai, who has taken to hanging around the gates of the palace to keep in touch with Esther, overhears a plot by two guards, Bigthan and Teresh, to kill the king. Mordechai alerts his cousin, and she tells the king. It’s recorded in the book of deeds and life keeps moving.

Some time later, Haman decides (after a promotion to head lackey) that he wants all to bow to him as he passes. Mordechai refused to bow to Haman every single day (citing that as a Jew he bowed to no man), and that did not sit well with Haman. So despite being prime minister and presumably having more important things to do, “genocide the Jews” made it to the top of to-do list. He didn’t like them before, and Mordechai refusing to treat him like a special snowflake was something he took really, really personally (totally can’t think of any modern politicians like that, nope). He told KA, who frankly doesn’t seem to ask enough questions, that there was a people disrespecting the king and his laws throughout the land, and could he pretty-please exterminate them. As a bonus, Haman would “donate” 10,000 silver kikar to the royal treasury (modern conversion vary, but all agree this an absurd amount on money).

KA handed him the royal seal to do so. Haman was feeling lucky I guess so he decided the best course of action was to draw lots to pick the day for the massacre. [Purim is lots in Hebrew, so that’s where the name of the holiday came from]. The message went out to all the provinces that on the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, that they citizens and leaders should murder all of the Jews, young and old, man, woman, and child, rich and poor and take their possessions as spoils.

As this wasn’t exactly a state secret, the Jews knew and were quite distressed. The planned slaughter was like a year out, but what the actual fuck were they supposed to do? If you lived in Persia at that point that, the empire was functionally your entire world, unless you were fabulously/ridiculously wealthy and well-connected. Having several months notice the other locals and your rules were going to slaughter you and take your stuff isn’t particularly useful when there’s really nowhere to go.

In Shushan, Mordechai (who, although not explicitly in text, is in oral/Talmudic tradition a leader of the Jewish community) goes into mourning. He dresses in sackcloth and ashes, he weeps, and he fasts at the gates of the palace, as Jews throughout shushan and the kingdom are doing. Esther hears of her cousin’s mourning behavior and tries to send along nice clothes through a messenger, which he refuses. It is then that she learns of the decree. Mordechai (through the messenger) implores her to go ask the king if the Jews not getting murdered could be a thing. Esther explains that she could be killed for approaching the king unsummoned. Mordechai stresses the severity of the situation. Esther agrees to ask the king and tells Mordechai to have the Shushan Jewish community fast day and night (as opposed to just day as prior) for three days, and she and her handmaidens will fast too (no word on what the handmaidens thought of this).

On the third day, Esther bravely approached the king, asked him if she could request something. He said anything, up to half his kingdom (which implies to me that homedude, for all his flaws, was actually into her). Esther invited him to a party, where he and Haman would be the only guests. At the party she asks if she can another request. KA is open to it and she invites him to another party the next night. Party-bro king is obviously down and Haman is tickled to death at this second invitation.

He goes home to brag to his wife, Zeresh, about the invite and also to bitch about how angsty he is Mordechai is still alive (this angst reignited by passing him on the way home). Zeresh suggests he have fifty-foot gallows built to make Mordechai an example on, with the king’s permission, ASAP. Haman orders the building of the gallows, feeling secure in the knowledge that his bestie the king will execute Mordechai on them.

Back at the castle KA can’t sleep. He demands a bedtime story from the his records, because those will presumably put him to sleep. The story that gets read, ~coincidentally~, is of Mordechai saving KA’s life. Haman had sidled on up to the castle to speak to the king about killing Mordechai, and the king called him in. KA asks Haman, if he were to honor someone, what should he do? Haman is thinking “this is obvi about me” and tells the king that the honoree should be donned in royal clothing, and ride through the streets on a fancy horse with people someone shouting how great he is. KA is like great, love it, perf, go do that for Mordechai. Haman is not a happy camper but does the thing. After that, he goes home and tells Zeresh about it, who warns him that this is a very bad sign.

Finally, that night is the night of Esther’s second soiree. Haman and KA attend. The latter offers to Esther anything she wants, up to half of his kingdom. Esther asks that her life, and the life of her people be spared. KA is like “whomst” and Esther revealed it was Haman. At this point Ahasuerus.exe stops working and he takes a walk to the gardens. He comes back to see Haman begging Esther for his life, and KA thinks Haman is assaulting her. Haman was seized by nearby guards.

One of the chamberlains is then like, hey, KA, coincidentally there’s these super high gallows Haman just had built. Why not take care of the problem that way? (The fact that the random nearby chamberlain was like yup, that dude, hang ‘em in the morning, probably says a lot about how Haman treated most people around him, even more than forcing all to bow to him). KA orders it be done.

Not that Haman was around to be sad about it, but what happened next would have massively pissed him off, as his old job then went to Mordechai. Esther then implored of the king that the degree to allow the massacre of the Jews be reversed. The king couldn’t Cntrl+Z the order to murder-all-the-Jews, but he could issue an order that they could fight back. The proclamation was sent throughout the land, and the Jews were able to prepare. Since the royal decree had been amended, the governments (princes, governors, satraps) largely reformulated their plans accordingly, but plenty of Jew-haters still wanted to use the opportunity. The ability to self-defend meant that the communities weren’t massacred. In most of the kingdom, the Jews were now safe. Outside of Shushan, the fourteenth of Adar became a feast day.

Shushan was still not safe though. Antisemites were still out and mad (and apparently had not learned from the previous day), so Esther asked the Jews of Shushan to be allowed to defend themselves once more. Her wish was granted, and the Shushan Jews were able to defend themselves once more (so Purim is celebrated a day later in walled cities).

The story ends with the decision to write it down, and although there some debate on authorship, it is traditionally attributed to Esther herself cowriting with Mordechai.

Nowhere in the book is God mentioned. Nowhere is there divine intervention (at least not explicitly). Just Jews sticking up for themselves, being brave in the face of mortal peril, and a metric fucktown of chutzpah.

#jumblr #purim #purim story #jewish soap opera for real though #purim 2021 #purim 5781 #what is purim #purim explained #jewblr

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