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thewhumpcaretaker · 4 months ago

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⚜ 𝕋𝕙𝕠𝕤𝕖 𝕎𝕙𝕠 ℍ𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕊𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕃𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝔽𝕠𝕣 - ℂ𝕙. 𝕍𝕀𝕀𝕀: 𝕀𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℝ𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕊𝕥𝕠𝕡𝕤 ⚜

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ ✧.*★ Thank you to @evren-sadwrn for the beta read!

Summary: After returning from the hospital, Vincent struggles to move on.

TW: grief, depression, discussion of past child abuse, flashback to a past murder, smut (frot), Dead Dove Do Not Eat

Author's Note: I searched Bill Skarsgård hospital bed last time and this didn't come up but now I search Bill Skarsgård pajamas and it does come up - it's okay. Sigh. Also yes, the rain-related parts in this chapter are a reference to The Crow.

Whether it was a blessing or a curse that he missed his father’s funeral, Vincent hardly knew. He wasn’t sure he would have been able to bear it, to interact with mourners and give eulogies and talk confidently about future plans for the family name. But one way or another, as prescribed by French law, it took place within six days of the Marquis Àlderic’s death, while Vincent was still in a coma. By the time he awoke, let alone recovered, everything that could have been considered any form of closure was already over, and he had missed it. He seemed stuck in that awful moment in the ballroom, unable to move on.

After another two weeks in the hospital, there was an attempt to take him back to the Gramont estate. Physically, he was better. There were some limitations on exercise to prevent overexertion, but no reason for him to be in the hospital any longer. Nonetheless, upon his return, the household politely agreed that the Marquis was still in severe pain. Yes, that was why he remained bedridden, behind locked doors, for the bulk of each day. He was not, for instance, depressed.

But even he couldn’t deny that he was terrified to leave his room, or to be in that house at all. Setting foot outside his bedroom sent him into nervous fits of cold sweat at the sight of the halls where his father had died, and where he had nearly met the same fate. He could not bear to look at any part of his surroundings, and even in his own bedroom, he seemed to stare through the walls in a way that frightened the servants. They were mostly driven out. No one was allowed to see him. No one except Chidi.

Vincent looked up at Chidi from under heaps of blankets. He was silhouetted against the window, while Vincent just lay there and breathed. It was raining heavily, enough to send sheets of water pouring down the glass, obscuring the ground below. Chidi must be watching that ceaseless pattern of raindrops that depressed Vincent even further than usual. He hadn’t managed to get up at all that day, even to get dressed. His eyes were clouded over with tears that he couldn’t dispel or explain. Yet Chidi stayed next to him, weeks and weeks into this mess, and still waited for him to feel better. Was this the behavior of a bodyguard? What were they to one another?

Chidi looked over at him suddenly. “Monsieur, si la pluie s'arrête plus tard, voudriez-vous aller au jardin avec moi? [Sir, if the rain stops later, would you like to go to the garden with me?]”

“Oui. Si la pluie s'arrête. [Yes. If the rain stops.]” But it showed no signs of stopping, and if it had, perhaps he wouldn’t have agreed. Vincent’s voice sounded worryingly quiet and barely alive. He would not at all like to go to the garden. But at least he was a little more alive than usual. He felt some alertness, had the strength even to think about Chidi at all. The presence of mind to feel grateful. And with gratefulness came a deep affection.

He reached out a hand and pulled Chidi into the bed beside him. Chidi offered no resistance, only his full attention. But Vincent wasn’t sure he had anything to say. He just wanted his bodyguard closer. They sat like that a while, enjoying the sight of one another. At last, Chidi broke the silence, perhaps encouraged by Vincent’s willingness to go for a walk. “Si je peux vous demander… voudriez-vous parler de certaines choses, monsieur? [If I may ask…would you like to talk about things, sir?]”

Vincent stiffened immediately. They still had never spoken directly about what happened, or why exactly it had disturbed Vincent so much. But that seemed too obvious for words. Or maybe too horrible. He cleared his throat and blinked, trying to get rid of pesky tears. “Qu'y a-t-il à dire? [What is there to say?]”

“Je ne sais pas. Vous seul le savez. Mais il semble que quelque chose ne vous laisse pas tranquille. [I don’t know. Only you know that. But it seems that something won’t leave you alone.]”

He was right, of course. Vincent wasn’t breathing. For a long while, he considered whether to answer at all. Maybe, if the moment stretched long enough, he’d never need to. But then he found words tumbling out of him. “Peut-être que j’aurais juste aimé que cela ne se passe pas ainsi. C’était si soudain et si horrible tout ce qu’il avait fait juste avant – et puis j’ai raté les funérailles et il est parti. C’est… c’est juste un tel choc, c’est tout. [Maybe I just wish it hadn’t happened this way. It was so sudden, and so awful, everything that he did right before - and then I missed the funeral and he’s just gone. It’s…it’s just such a shock, that’s all.]” That wasn’t remotely all it was. And Chidi seemed to know that because he stayed quiet. “Ce n’est pas que je ne le reverrai jamais. Je n’aimais pas le voir. Je ne l’aimais pas… lui. Mais c'était mon père. C'était la seule personne… qui était toujours soit à mes côtés, soit visiblement absente de moi. Généralement ce dernier. [It’s not that I’ll never see him again. I didn’t like seeing him. I didn’t like…him. But he was my father. He was the one person…who was always either at my side or noticeably absent from me. Usually the latter.]”

He paused. Chidi was just listening – listening perfectly. Encouraged, Vincent went on. “Il y avait ma mère, bien sûr. Et elle… [There was my mother, of course. And she…]” he considered whether to say it. “Eh bien, je l'aimais vraiment. Mais c'était il y a si longtemps. J’ai beaucoup réfléchi, ces dernières semaines, au moment de sa mort. C'est comme si tout se reproduisait... [Well, I really did love her. But that was so long ago. I’ve been thinking a lot, over the past few weeks, about when she died. It’s like everything is happening again…]”

“C'était pareil, n'est-ce pas monsieur ? J'ai entendu dire qu'elle avait été assassinée. [It was similar, right sir? I’ve heard that she was assassinated.]”

“Oui. Empoisonné. J'ai vu mon père exécuter le tueur à gages qui l'avait fait. Une décapitation. [Yes. Poisoned. I watched my father execute the hitman who did it. A beheading.]” He said it very calmly, like it was just an ordinary fact. Everything felt distant.

Chidi exhaled. “Tu n'avais pas quatre ans alors? [Weren’t you four years old then?]”

“…Oui.” He could still see his father looming over a bound man encircled by guards at the top of the palace steps, under a surreally blue sky. His sword arm rising. The wind catching his perfect hair in a ripple that happened to shade his eyes for half a moment, while Vincent wondered what he could be feeling, how it was possible to do what he was doing, what exactly he was doing. But it didn’t matter. It was for his mother, and his father could do anything for her. He was a hero. And then there was a sweeping motion that moved the whole world with it, and ended in a spray of awe-inspiring crimson that he would never forget…

“Cela a dû être effrayant. [That must have been frightening.]” Chidi rested a hand over his shoulder and Vincent wished he wouldn’t. It was making him feel so small, like his whole body was shrinking around the lump in his throat that was suddenly so tight. He had to take a deep breath before speaking again.

“Oui… j'avais peur, mais j'étais tellement fière de lui. Je voulais alors être comme lui. Et il m'a dit qu'un jour, je le serais. Et j'ai essayé de l'être. J'ai essayé tout le temps de lui montrer que je pouvais le faire, de l'impressionner, de… le rendre fier. Et maintenant je n'ai jamais – [Yes…I was scared, but I was so proud of him. I wanted to be just like him then. And he told me that one day, I would be. And I tried to be. I tried all the time, to show him I could do it, impress him, to…to make him proud. And now I never - ]” Fuck. No. Don’t think about that. Everything slipped out of his control into a very dark place and he was sobbing into the pillow again. There was a voice coming to him so very softly, and a soft, powerful haven encircling his torso from above, practically laying on top of him.

“Monsieur. Tu l'as fait. Vous êtes un homme meilleur qu’il ne l’a jamais été, à tous points de vue. Je suis fier de toi. Il aurait dû être fier de toi. Et franchement, il aurait dû t’aimer de toute façon. [Sir. You did it. You are a better man than he ever was, by every measure. I am proud of you. He should have been proud of you. And frankly, he should have loved you either way.]”

That last sentence tore at him, both because he could not believe it and because of its implicit acknowledgement that he really had not been loved. But it tore at him the way that pulling out an arrow tears the flesh. There was something in its wake that was raw and hideously painful, yet not ruined. At long last, when he had stopped shaking with tears, he felt...not better. But maybe capable of being better one day. What a gift that was.

He rolled onto his back under Chidi and hugged him back, tracing his fingers idly over mountains of muscle. His hands were tingling from crying and the world felt purer. “Merci. Tu sais que je ne dirais ça à personne d’autre. Pas une. Tu es... [Thank you. You know I wouldn’t say this to anyone else. Not one. You’re…]” What was Chidi exactly? “Vous êtes un très bon auditeur. [You’re a very good listener,]” he finished, though not quite satisfied with the phrase. He could feel Chidi smile against him at the praise.

“Tout ce que je veux, c'est être bon pour vous, monsieur. [All I want is to be good for you, sir.]” Warmth spread through him from the heart outwards, unkillable even in the face of all else he was feeling. Gratitude, to be here in this bed entwined with this sweet man.

He was suddenly aware of the bed beneath them: this bed where they Vincent had taken him so easily a few weeks ago, so thoughtlessly, just because he could, just because he liked how much Chidi wanted him. The past days had slowly taught him not to balk at his own clinginess. Chidi embraced it, urged it even. Searching his face now, Vincent found only a hunger to please, to comfort, something almost terrifyingly protective. He leaned over Vincent in deep concern and kissed him on the lips.

Vincent’s body stirred in answer, for the first time in weeks, and he shifted under the blankets, feeling suddenly restless with need. Chidi had become accustomed to even the slightest change in Vincent’s breathing, and he noticed immediately. “Vous avez besoin de plaisir après si longtemps de pur malheur, maître. [You need some pleasure after so long in pure unhappiness, master.]” That was another habit Chidi had taken up: calling Vincent master in private every now and then. Even “sir” did not seem adequate to describe what he was feeling, he had explained. It sent a wave of delicious sparks down Vincent’s every nerve each time he said it. It felt obscene, scandalous, yet so right.

His fingers laced through Chidi’s and he braced their hands together. Yes. I need something good to happen. I need to feel you against me. I feel like I’ll die without something to live for. But he was choking on the words. All he managed was, “S'il te plaît. [Please.]”

It was enough. Chidi slid under the blanket with him and pressed a hand slowly up the front of his torso like he was smoothing him, ironing him out right into the bed, and then swept his shirt up over his head. Two hands on the way back down, cupping either side of his ribcage, his waist, his hips, and the pajama pants were swept away too. He unwrapped him, exposing his flesh to the soft clouds of silk on all sides that smelled like the both of them, like sadness and desire, and Vincent reclined in front of him, legs spread, arms trailing up above his head and water still sparkling on his lashes. Eyeing Chidi, watching him, daring him to show what he was made of. To rescue Vincent bodily from the clutches of sorrow.

He was malleable, supple, but by no means submissive. No, every ounce of his limp body demanded to be carried relentlessly towards joy. And Chidi rose to the challenge. He kissed him open mouthed as if to share the air between their lungs. He trailed kissed down his collarbone and buried his bulk of a head into Vincent’s neck as if it was too much even to see him this way. Vincent just ruffled his hair in thanks, and sighed, and cuddled their whole bodies together. Their cocks lay warm against each other, pulse to pulse, driving them to move, hump, press closer, thrust harder. Chidi’s wide hips seemed to swallow his own. He arched his back affectionately up into Chidi’s chest and bit his lip, trying not to moan. He squirmed desperately. Just a little more and he would feel good, feel adored, the pain would go away…

Chidi rose up and pinned his hands above his head, suddenly bold. “Maître. Je ne veux pas que tu t'inquiètes de quoi que ce soit. Ne retenez rien. Ne bouge pas. C'est mon travail. Dis-moi juste quoi faire. [Master. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Don’t hold anything back. Don’t move. That’s my job. Just tell me what to do.]”

The first sound he made was a moan torn straight from his soul that made Chidi’s cock twitch against him. And then, blushing fiercely, “…Plus rapide. Grince-moi. Chevauche moi. Je – putain. Je veux sentir même tes os contre les miens. […Faster. Grind on me. Ride me. I – fuck. I want to feel even your bones against mine.]”

A gorgeous, crooked, obliging smile. “Oui, Maître.”

And then the world faded. There was only the hot, urgent, ecstatic hollow of heat where a tautness was slowly building, clenched between his hips. Every time he needed more, Vincent cried out in a soft, breathless whine and Chidi responded until vigorous, steady thrusts were driving him right into the mattress and making him see stars. He felt dizzy from gasping. Chidi kissed him again. “Respirez pour moi, maître. [Breathe for me, master.]”

“Ah… pour toi, n'importe quoi. [Ah…for you, anything.]” He didn’t mean that. Did he? Well, he would have to decide another time. For now, that wonderfully taut thing at the base of his stomach was finally on the point of snapping, and he was incapable of thought or speech while it burst out and overwhelmed even the soul-deep misery for half an instant.

In the next second, that misery was back, but Chidi was still with him, kissing his cheeks, holding him, spilling over him in a sweetness that followed his own – never far behind him. There was the sorrow, yes, but there was the joy beside it.

Panting, Chidi looked up at the window. “La pluie s'est calmée pour l'instant, monsieur. [The rain has cleared up for now, sir.]”

“Allons marcher. [Let’s go walking.]”

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#hopelesslydevoted #john wick fanfic #john wick #chidi x marquis #chidi jw #marquis de gramont #wickblr #marquis de gramont whumpee #chidi caretaker #angst #emotional hurt/comfort #dacryphilia #crying #whump fic #assassin whump #ao3 crosspost #// grief

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dynamic-power · 10 months ago

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Evie @energievie tagged me in an end of year writer interview! This is such a cool idea.

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1. How many works do you have on AO3?

15! I plan to increase that by a lot next year!

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Just shy of 62k.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Since Prom - Steddie, E

An Offer - Kanej, T

back to the past - Steddie, T WIP

Coach H - Steddie, T

Kinktober Drabbles - various, E WIP (it's finished on tumbr. I just need to move the last few to AO3 lmao)

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ngl, I struggle with this. I want to. I see and cherish every single one! But I forget to reply, or I don't know what to say, or I don't check for comments for a month and when I finally see them, I feel like it's too late. 😅

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

That would be A Coat Or A Blanket. Angst is not my forte. I want happy endings for everyone.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Probably Since Prom? Or Arrivals. Just because there's an actual plot and a real ending lol.

7. Do you write crossovers?

Not yet. But maybe in the future? 🤷

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes lol. It was on a kinktober fic. Ao3 rule number 1: don't like, don't read. Apparently they didn't get the memo. 🤣

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Most of my fics are kinktober! So kinky, gay sex. 😏 That'll change next year. I mean that I plan to write a lot of non-kinktober stuff, not that I won't be writing kikny, gay sex.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so 👀

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I wouldn't be opposed

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope, but I wouldn't be opposed. Seriously, if you ever want to collab, lmk! 😄

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Currently, it's Gallavich. But my favorite of all time is Drarry.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

It's one I haven't even started posting yet. It's a Gallavich soul mate AU where the pair have special gifts centered around eye contact. Mickey can see soul mates and Ian severs soul mate connections. I'm absolutely in love with it but I'm also kinda struggling to get through it. 😭😭😭

15. What are your writing strengths?

Word limits. I love the challenge of trying to portray certain emotions or situations in a limited amount of time, and I feel like I'm really good at it. I don't have to get caught up in details, I can just make my readers feel in just a few sentences.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing lol. I don't have patience, I always end up rushing my ending.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

2 situations. If the POV character doesn't speak the language, I try to limit it to things that can be easily assumed without need for translation. Expletives, nicknames, or recognizable phrases. Unless, of course, the POV character is meant to not understand what is being said. And 2, if the POV character speaks the language, I'll usually have them translate in their thoughts. I just want the reader to be on the same level of understanding as the POV character.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. That was way back in the day. I posted my first fic in 2010. 🤣 On my current account, it was Six of Crows.

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Hooo boy. Doctor Who comes to mind. I'm obsessed with the idea of Fourteen and Jack Harkness meeting again. I've always wanted to do something for Criminal Minds. I'll probably dip my toe into Supernatural, too. I've done drabbles for Mungrove, Harringrove, and Harringroveson, but i'd also like to do full fics for them. Idk, I've always got too many ideas.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Either Since Prom or Coming Soon To Home Video. I can't pick.

If you write fanfiction, you should totally do this! Consider this me, tagging you.

Our just giving you cake. 🍰

#ask dyno #tag games

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sissytobitch10seconds · 8 months ago

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Febuwhump 28: Unexpectedly Expected

Fandom: Grishaverse: Six of Crows and Shadow and Bone Summary: Death was around every corner, including the one that their car had just rounded. Warnings: Car crashes, graphic descriptions of injuries, blood, gore, major character death, and heavy angst Word Count: 1,883 Ship(s): Kaz Brekker/Nina Zenik/Inej Ghafa/Matthias Helvar/Wylan Van Eck/Jesper Fahey

Archive link!

“Jes!” Nina called as she twisted around in the front seat so that she could see the lover behind her.

“Yes, beautiful?” he asked, his eyes flicking up from his phone for only a moment.

Inej loved them when they were like this, all together in a roadtrip across the country. Nina and Matthias traveled a lot because they had always wanted to see the world and their job forced them to do so. She traveled as she searched for cases that were close enough to what had happened to her and her brother that she could right the wrong that had happened years and years ago (she was aware that it was a bit selfish, but she had her entire life stripped from her when she was only fourteen, so she figured that she had earned the right to be selfish). Kaz, Wylan, and Jesper were always home because of their jobs which meant that they didn’t travel with the others very often.

Despite that, she had managed to convince them that they could take some time off their work for a road trip together. It was mid-December now, as they traveled across the vast expanses of America so that they could visit Colm on his farm in Nebraska. They had woken up very early the morning before so that they could get bundled down in the car and miss the morning traffic out of New York City. The only drove for about eight hours at a time, stopping frequently so that Trassel could be walked and Kaz could stretch his leg out. They rotated drivers and music so that no one would get fed up with any one position.

Inej could just barely see what everyone was doing in the rear view mirror as she tried to keep her eyes on the road. She was driving today, she usually took the midday shift because that was when her restless energy got the better of her. Nina was in the seat next to her, weighted red stuffed dragon in her lap and snacks shoved into every pocket that side of the car had. Jesper was sitting directly behind Nina with his weighted lap blanket spread over his legs to keep him warm and the battery pack for his phone on top of that. Wylan was on the side behind Inej, his head leaning against the window and his pretty mouth open as he snored away. Kaz was in the middle so that he could stretch both of his legs out in front of him, vitally trying to stay awake despite the lack of sleep and soothing motion of the car getting to him. Matthias was in the one seat that remained in the back with Trassel’s bed covering the space where they could be brought up from the floor. The white dog was snoring soundly, sighing every so often when he got a head pat.

“Can you give me one of your Red Vines, please?” Nina asked, perking her lips out in a pout that Jesper was never able to resist.

It seemed this time was slightly different because he narrowed his eyes at her. He picked the candy up from where he had snuggled it into the pocket of the door and then bit into one. “Tell me why I should.”

“Because I’m your girlfriend and you like me very much?” she offered.

“You also have the rest of the snacks,” Kaz’s voice broke through the conversation before the real fight could break out.

Wylan jerked awake and then gave a dramatic yawn. Inej always thought it was so cute when he had taken his anti-nausea medicine. It made him sleepy in a way that no late nights in the lab or his office ever had, cuddly and flushed with warm from the floor heater of the car. “What’s going on?”

“Nina is trying to steal my snacks even though she is the ultimate snack thief!” Jesper squawked indignantly. He leaned around Kaz so that he was closer to Wylan, whispering conspiratorially. Kaz pursed his lips and raised his hands up into the air so that he could accommodate for the sudden lapful of boyfriend that he had been given.

“Nina is not a snack thief, she is the distributor,” Matthias shouted above them from the backseat. “Watch. Nina, my beautiful love, would you please pass me the bag of chips?”

“No,” she immediately replied.

Jesper and Wylan both cackled at that, flinging themselves away from Kaz so that he had some room to breath again. He seemed to miss their presence, if Inej had to guess.

“What? Why not?” Matthias scoffed.

Nina turned around so that she was able to look between Jesper and Kaz to address him properly, “Because every time I give you a snack you end up feeding half of it to Trassel. He has his food back there and we can’t keep feeding him human food or we’ll have to stop more often!”

“That might not be so bad,” Kaz grumbled as he shifted around in his seat.

Inej turned her head back to look at him, her free hand brushing over his knee. “Is it bothering you today?”

“The extra space is good, but the lack of the heater in the middle sucks,” he grouched.

She gave him a sympathetic smile and then turned back to the road. The highway that they were on was taking a sharp turn, which meant that she had to focus on not getting too close to the guard rail. She was good at this, she drove for a half of what she did for a living, after all, so she wasn’t putting that much brain power into it. It was only when they came around the corner of the hill and saw what was waiting for them that she began to panic.

A semi, lights and horn blaring, was charging for them on the wrong side of the road. She swerved to the left, which also happened to be in the direction of the hill, just as the massive vehicle hit the side of their van. She felt the car that had been riding their ass all the way since the last gas station ram into them from behind. Both of the vehicles hitting them at once meant that there was nowhere for the energy of the crash to go but into them.

A scream tore through her throat as she felt the windshield break and shatter glass all over her body. A thousand tiny cuts formed on her face and her arms. She was pushed forward into the steering wheel so hard that she felt her arms dislocate from their sockets, unable to stay so close when her head and torso were being pushed in different directions.

Inej could barely even focus on herself despite the unbelievable amount of pain that she was in. She turned around so that she could see her lovers, to get some glimpse of them to make sure that they were okay. Nina was hunched over in her seat, her head smashed against the airbag that hadn’t gone off and smearing blood against the black matte. Kaz was groaning in the middle seat, his bag leg crunched up against his body and Jesper laying limply against his side. The aforementioned boy had been shoved so far forward that his head was essentially against the middle console, but it was then that Inej noticed the massive tree branch that had entered through Jesper’s window and existed through his upper chest. Wylan wasn’t making any noise other that spluttery coughs that sounded a little too wet to just be vomit. Trassel was in the very back, howling and barking as he too had been affected by the crash. Matthias was doing nothing to help him though, which meant that he was likely injured too.

“Matthias!” Inej shouted. He was the only one that she couldn’t see, the one that needed help. “Matthias!”

The semi-truck slowly backed up so that her side of the car was free to the open air, the freezing cold air of the winter. She just barely turned her head to the side despite the searing hot red pain that shot through her because of her dislocated shoulders to that she could see the door being opened.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even see you guys coming!” the truck driver said as he unbuckled her seatbelt and then got her out of the car.

He shouldn’t have done that, she knew that he should have left her for the EMTs to come and find. He didn’t have the training to know whether or not she had a neck injury that could kill her if she as moved too much. All she could say was, “You were driving on the wrong side of the road.”

“There was ice,” he tried, but she just spit out the blood that was pooling in her mouth from the busted lip she was sporting.

The man got up and removed the others from the van as well. Inej had been surrounded by enough death that she knew Nina was already gone. The defect that they had in their airbags had killed her, prevented her from having the cushion that she would have needed to survive. Her green eyes were glassy and her form was limp as candy wrappers and empty soda cans trailed after her.

Jesper was also gone, the tree branch squelching as he was dragged out of the van and laid down beside Nina. Kaz was still alive, but his legs were twisted in some horrendous mockery of what had happened to him when he was a child. Wylan was soon to be gone, his front was covered in foamy white bile and blood dripped from his mouth. Matthias was dead as well, completely stagnant and bleeding from the entire left side of his body.

The people in the car behind her had the decency to check for pulses, likely because of the EMTs that they were on the phone with. Soon the bodies were covered with the blankets that the truck driver found in the back of his car.

Kaz had started to mumble about Jordie, then his body began to seize. He didn’t stop, his head thrown back against the pavement and his mouth clenched shut. The people that had hit them from the other side tried to pry it open so that he could get some air around the convulsions, but they weren’t trained and they had no medication. Eventually, his entire body went lax. They were doing CPR on him to the instructions of the person on the other end of the phone, but Inej knew that he was gone.

They were all gone, Wylan had already been covered up with another one of the blankets after he vomited up another bout of pinky foam and then went still.

“This wasn’t how this was supposed to happen,” Inej whispered. She could feel her own injuries getting to her the longer that she lay on the cold ground. She was shivering from the temperature of the asphalt, but that only made her hurt worse. She could feel bloating around her hips and stomach, likely because she was bleeding internally. “I’m so sorry.”

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holly-fixation · 1 year ago

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The Remnant Remains: Part 2

Summary: Sephiroth had no purpose for a remnant without power. This byproduct of his true Remnants' creation wandered the snow with three crows, only to be found by the Crimson Soldier. Genesis was far too interested in this Sephiroth-like child, and now was the time for shelter and questions.

Inspired by This art by @queernoctis

Please enjoy!

Beyond the last mountain laid Icicle Village, the closest thing to civilization within a day's journey and an afternoon's flight. Genesis trekked through the final leg of the trip without pause, the ravens that fed the girl following and scanning him carefully. He tucked his wing away the moment he landed, but he kept the cloak on the girl and prayed no one would notice the growth. Luckily not a single citizen walked the streets. It must've been nearly midnight, each window covered by black out curtains for a chance of rest.

At the doors to the inn, the Crimson Soldier turned to the feathered creatures. They hopped along and occasionally scratched their feathers with their beaks.

“Stay out here,” Genesis informed as if they could understand. “Your kind is not allowed in the lobby.”

One cawed at him in defiance, the irritation and distrust clear in its ruffled wings.

“I will let you through the window if you promise not to excrete anything on the carpet.”

The second of the three hopped once.

“I'll take that as a yes.” He turned to the door and sighed to himself. “I've been on my own too long…”

A small hum came from the girl before she adjusted, pulling her hood further over her face. He caught the small shiver in her breath.

Genesis immediately halted his discussion with the crows and entered the lobby. Thankfully no guests lounged around the sitting area. The only obstacle standing between him and the room was the exhausted clerk behind the counter. He rang the gold bell to begin the final encounter of the night.

The dark haired teenager jerked awake, his speech stained with the same sleep his eyes reflected, “Room's five hundred gil. Check out is 11 AM. Breakfast starts at 6 AM and there is no guarantee it actually starts at six. My aunt cooks when she wakes up. Any questions or requests?”

“Yes. Two beds if possible. And is there any place to get a meal this time of night?”

The clerk rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath before speaking, “Seven hundred, then. I'll bring you left overs from the dinner rush in thirty minutes. It’s either that or the old vending machines that don't take cards.”

“Very well. Thank you.” Genesis slipped his wallet out of his pocket and the two continued the exchange without another word. The man in red left with the key in one hand and the clerk fell back to sleep.

At the door, the child in his arms stirred. Her grip tightened instinctively at the click.

“It’s alright. It’s just the door.” He slipped them into the cozy room. An old but clean carpet lined the floor. Hardwood planks covered half the walls, and the window followed the same classic style, every corner decorated with patterned carvings. He could do without the tacky wallpaper, but this shelter would more than suffice judging by the uncontrolled relief in the child’s breath. “Here. This is your bed.” Genesis sat the girl on the plaid comforter. “Take off your cloak and wrap yourself in the covers. I’ll turn up the heater.”

The girl obeyed quickly, silently jerking off the tattered cloak. Only then did he truly see what she wore beneath: a black medical gown and a small pair of black shorts. Not a single scratch or frayed edge marred the material. It was new. Perfect. She yanked the blankets free from their confinement between the mattresses and bundled herself as Genesis finished fiddling with the heater, its renewed activation rattling throughout the room.

“Not a pleasant sound, but it should function well enough.”

A tap at the glass pulled both sets of eyes up.

Ah, right. The crows.

“Forgive me but I must ask, why are these crows so attached to you?” He opened the window with a stern glare, hoping to silently inform the birds what they discussed earlier.

They hopped in and he swiftly sealed the cold outside.

She adjusted her wing further into the covers. “I don’t know. They saw my wing and decided to stay. They guided me to a cave last night. They brought me food when I was hungry-”

“They led you to a cave?” Genesis cut her off in shock.

She looked up at him, her cat-like eyes large and concerned. “Y-yes? Did I do something wrong? I-I didn’t mean to-”

The sudden mist on her mako blues made the man hold her shoulders to ground her. The crows each landed on the bed and nuzzled her sides. Did he scare her that easily?

“I won’t do it again! I won’t- I promise! Please don’t put me back outside!”

“You’re not going anywhere, certainly not outside. Just breathe, alright?”

“B-Breathe?! Breathe. Okay. Okay…” She forced her lungs under control in ten seconds, clenching both the edge of the cover and the hem of her gown tightly, but Genesis could see she simply bottled the emotion. A trained response. Unnatural. Inhuman.

“You’re not in any trouble,” He spoke soothingly, keeping his voice calm and regulated as he carefully sat next to her. “I was just worried. It’s very dangerous to be in a cave this time of year. You’re lucky there were no sleeping monsters, or worse, any exhausted ones that found you in their spot.”

“I-I didn’t know… I just followed them because they kept cawing at me when I tried to go a different way…”

“It’s alright. You’re safe. That’s what matters.” He tried to be kind. “It’s very tough traversing the snow on your own.”

She shook her head slowly. “...My brothers don’t want me to be safe… They said I should die because Mother doesn’t want me…”

He wrapped an arm around her, her weakness and vulnerability stabbing straight to his core. How could a child think so little of her own life? Especially this child that reminded him of Sephiroth? “Take it from me, never let yourself die for nothing. You deserve to live. And your brothers sound like jerks.”

Again, the girl shook her head but it was a bit slower this time. “They just want Mother… I just… I don’t know… I just want to be warm and full and safe…”

She was in too much pain. He needed to steer the conversation away, but his curiosity limited the angle. “What were you guys doing in the north?”

“This is where we were born… I was just the last one…” She shakily sighed. “My brothers don’t have wings. I don’t know where mine came from. It was wet and cold… My brothers know how to use weapons and tried to save Mother. I just…I don’t like it… And I'm not good, not as good as I need to be… So I hid until the people with guns left us alone…” Her eyes fell. “My brothers were really mad about that. They said I’m the reason they stole Mother… I… I don’t know…” She was so unsure of herself, unsure of each and every word that left her lips. “Maybe I was…”

Again he spoke calmly, trying not to push too hard just yet. “It's not your fault. Shinra is strong. Even now, they're still kicking.”

“You're not gonna throw me away, are you, Genesis?” Her tone was harmless and sincere, her mako eyes wide as the moon as she turned up at him. The desperation he never saw through his friend’s mane of silver hair impaled his heart.

“...no. I'm not throwing you away.”

She exhaled softly, the tension leaving her little body.

“...However, if we are going to stick together, we cannot hide anything from one another.”

She nodded. That made sense. “I agree.”

“Then we must answer all questions to each other honestly, correct?”

Another nod. “Correct.”

“Of course. Of course…” Genesis steeled himself with a sharp breath. “So what do you know about Sephiroth?”

“Sephiroth…” She tasted the name on her tongue. The familiar yet unknown name. “He's… whole. He's all of us, me and my brothers and Mother. He… my brothers said I'm the part he forgot already…” She tried to shake away the memory. “I don't know him. I know of him…”

Genesis watched the glowing landscape through the window. “I knew him. In his prime. Long before…” He trailed off, but she perked up.

“Really?”

He smirked a bit at the ancient memory. “Yes. We were comrades for many years. He was very aloof at first, but my friend Angeal and I broke down his walls.”

“What was he like?”

“Back then, shy. Extremely unsure. He exuded absolute confidence on the battlefield, a cunning master of the blade, but speak to him like a human being and he just didn't know what to do. Goddess the first day we made him a meal, well Angeal more than I but I helped gather ingredients of course, he broke down. He said it was the greatest thing he ever tasted, and that was just what we could make from scraps.”

The little girl watched and listened without a single interruption. Genesis went on about his time with Sephiroth continuously, even long enough for the meal to arrive at their door. Two plates waited in the hall after the knock, but Genesis allowed the girl to eat her fill first, reassuring her he would be fine if she needed it all. He kept his stories up, continuing each memory of the time before he degraded. He wanted her to know who Sephiroth truly was, the years before he broke the Silver Soldier at Nibelheim. Minerva gave him a second chance for a reason. He wouldn't waste it by slandering the friend that man used to be.

“Is this enough for you?” The girl interrupted his tales, poking the remaining half of a meal on his plate. Her own was long gone.

He nodded without looking. He would be fine with only a bite. “Plenty.”

She left the desk and sat back on her bed, her eyes half lidded despite her curiosity. She watched him quietly for a moment. “You should eat.”

“And you should clean up before you fall asleep.”

“I'm not tired,” She countered, but Genesis only smirked.

“Of course. But I can't speak with my mouth full, and it's a good way of efficiently using our time.”

“Oh. Okay. That makes sense.” She hopped down, and the crows finally flew to the windowsill. “You wanna go?”

They nodded, cawing softly.

“Thank you for helping me.” The little girl opened the window, letting the three birds escape to the reflective snowscape. She watched them until they disappeared behind the mountains, her cat-like eyes fixed on the last place she saw them.

“As sweet as this moment is,” Genesis placed a single palm on her shoulder to hold her attention, “But we need to close the window before you catch a cold.”

“I won’t get sick,” She explained as she obeyed anyway. “But I like the warmth in here.”

“As you should.” He gave her a small smirk. “Now go clean yourself up.”

Again, the little girl obeyed, striding straight past him into the bathroom.

He sighed after the door closed. He sat on his bed, his mind racing.

A part of Sephiroth. A part of Him. Just what the hell kind of power did that experiment grant him? Genesis didn’t want to think about it. Nibelheim, his greatest regret. Multiple sightings throughout the planet. The meteor incident. Now this silver haired child. Multiple children. Goddess knew what The Calamity planned now.

The child said she was unwanted despite her existence. Possibly just a byproduct of whatever Lifestream control its Whole somehow exerted. She was… he needed to put his finger on it. What she was. She clearly wasn’t a threat. So what was she?

He finally began his meal in silent thought, taking the last bites of remaining sustenance. He thought of her kindness. Her fear. Her uneasiness. Her inhuman control over her emotions. Her trained control over her emotions.

She was…innocence. Pure innocence.

When she came out of the bathroom, he had to ask, “What do you think of the name ‘Eve’?”

The child looked up with sparkling eyes. “You’re giving me a name?”

“I'm giving you an option.”

“Eve is good. Simple. I like it.” She suddenly hugged him, her short wet hair darkening the leather of his jacket. “Thank you, Genesis.”

He nodded. “Happy to help.” Then she met his eyes again, a small, kind smile on his lips. “Would you like me to read to you?”

Her head tilted. “Why would you read to me?”

“To help you sleep.”

“But I'm not sleepy.”

“Perhaps not, but you are tired. It’s been a very long day. Indulge me. Just get comfortable on the bed.”

Eve wanted to argue, but the bed was so soft and so nice. She wanted to spend every waking moment bundled in those covers, her wing folded and protected by the extra pillow.

“Are you comfy?”

She nodded.

“Good.” He sat on his bed and faced her. Then he took out a book with a red cover. “Are you ready?”

Another nod.

"When the war of beasts brings about the world's end

The goddess descends from the sky"

He continued his recitation until Act III, where the child inevitably fell to the very force she denied: sleep.

Part 1

Thanks for reading!

Author's Note: Thank you to @altocat for help with naming the baby remnant!

#ffvii #final fantasy vii #ff7 #final fantasy 7 #genesis ff7 #ff7 genesis #genesis rhapsodos #ffvii advent children #fourth remnant AU

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irritablepoe · 1 year ago

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nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

PS: I'm still working on answering my asks asgdhsjsjs, already have the outline done at least? and a couple of them done (...like the quotes part which is um yeah, you'll know when u see it asgshsjdj). Oh!!!! Forgot to tell you but finished reading the first book of Jackaby last week!!! So I actually recognized the quote you mentioned in ur last ask (ᗒᗜᗕ) (also recognized the one from six of crows that i somehow still remember when i read it in like january but omg yes 😭) (i dont remember if i ever mentioned that i finished c&p a while ago but yeah also got that one 🌟) (the only one i actually need to go and read is the kafka letter 😆)

hiii mila!!! :D thank you so much for the ask!

dw, take all the time you need for answering :3 and omg!!! wait you actually read it, that's so cool😭😭😭 did you like it? who's your fav character? :D jeyyyy c&p too? you gotta tell me about how you liked both books omg!!! :333 and good luck with kafka's letter (as in i hope you don't cry lmao :'))

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

my room is probably very cozy. like i have a big bed and there are many pillows and blankets on it. i also have a lot of art (of others and me) + book pages on my wall. there are three shelves full of books and a record player + vinyls + some old magazines. so it's probably a very typical room for someone in fandoms lmao. also people are always confused about this but i don't have a mirror in my room. it freaks me out a little bit xD

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i would really like to move to heidelberg bc i love the city deeply. i also would really like to travel outside europe (but also in europe hehe). as for more mundane things i would like someone irl to actually hear me out on stuff they may not understand bc they're not in fandoms or don't care about the things i care about. but it would be nice to talk about this stuff and not be interrupted or sth yk. that's also probably the least likly to happen lol. ut i still hope :3

ivy ⇢ what are your ‘tells’ for your emotions and moods? how can someone tell you’re happy, annoyed, upset or tired?

so when i'm happy i get really giggly and childish and i laugh a lot (especially about my own jokes (i'm so funny, trust me)) and tend to get very loud with my emotions (though only when i'm around people i like, otherwise i just smile a lot). on the other hand when i'm annoyed i'm usually really overstimulated and i will not respond to external stimuli of any kind. you tell me sth? i probably didn't hear. i tend to just go very still and quiet. it's probably the same when i'm sleepy, though there are also times when i get giggly too. when i'm upset there are two options: either i will cry or i will defeat you with pure and cold logic. there's no inbetween. in a normal state i'll crack a lot of jokes that are often overlooked bc i always tell them quite dryly. i also will complain a lot when i'm in a normal state (not about anything important, it's just fun). when i'm really in pain though i will go quiet and probably snap at whoever talks to me.

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

i would say it depends on the quality and themes of the medium (i tend to like sad/angry themes) but normally i show the most reaction when i listen to good music or read a good novel. though when i was in paris and looked at the statues in musee d'orsay i was also very intrigued. as for music, there's often lyrcis that are really relatable but they're combined with instruments that give them more... power? ig??? and for the novel, i really like connecting to characters, like who do i see myself in/who do i like the most/find the most interesting etc? and then i experience the story out of the characters eyes, therefore also experiencing loss and tragedy and stuff? yeah, but idk about the statues though. i especially liked the ones that displayed pain, probably bc i feel empathy towards them?

thank you again, mila, that was really fun to answer! :D

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jolapeno · 2 years ago

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jo these asks are soooo cute omg 💜

poppy & tigerlily please!!

arent they just 🌸! i was like YES, i am reblogging this.

poppy— out of the four seasons, which season of the year is your favorite and why?

autumn is my favourite by far. the temperature just begins to hit right (no hayfever). the colours, the candles, the blankets and jumpers. but mainly, i am the biggest halloween lover. i love to throw a party and get all creepy and watch practical magic a thousand times in october, so autumn 🍂🍁

tigerlily— do you have any favorite quotes from any movies, tv shows, books, or poetry? (or from people in real life)

my favourite quote is from six of crows, “better terrible truths, than kind lies”. when i’m less afraid, i’d love to get it tattooed on me as it’s stuck with me for years. and is one of my favourite books (as is it’s sequel).

#halfmoth halfman #asked and answered #kind souls #flower asks

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ninacarstairss · 2 years ago

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ugh i really need a cup of tea too now, i’ve had a veeeery long day, they changed all my schedule for this week because a lot of people are sick and tomorrow i have to wake up at 5am for work 😭😭 please kill me now

drag queens and charlie xcx!!! that would have been so cool and fun!!! i really hope you get to go next year (and share all the rainbows there)

yes exactly 😭 just lean on something maybe, but if you sit like that people won’t be able to stand 😭

“i just exist in a constant state of sitting and waiting” that’s the best definition for both of us. i should add that to my cv. seriously like i have something to do at 8pm?? i’m the same, i’m gonna be completely braindead for the whole day just waiting for 8pm even though i could do so much. it’s a curse

yess!! i got this lilac blazer which is perfect. i have an obsession with lilac lately, i also have a matching corset to go with it but i couldn’t find any pics of that. anyway it’s perfect for my chest tatts 😌 and this dress here, also perfect for those chest tatts!!

it really was nice!! i was about to go on a roll about the show coming out next week and how excited i was when they said they liked the style even though they didn’t know the quote 🫠 i was this close to a very awkward moment. also did you read the six of crow books before or did you start with shadow and bone? because i had a hard time getting through siege and storm too, but the six of crow books were my actual main love. also i’ll probably be mia for a while because the show. it’s coming out on thursday and i’m not sure if i can watch it in one sitting so i have to avoid spoilers at all costs

you know what my advice would be. buy it. just for the aesthetic. anyway i love you so much for justifying my impulse purchases <33 and you’re totally right, it’s the only album from a fictional band i’ll get and i just love the idea way too much!! also yes lol it’s one of my favorite books ever, taylor jenkins reid has a way of always getting to my top ten list 😌 you read the seven husbands of evelyn hugo right?? cause that was the first one i read, then i loved it so much i had to buy malibu rising and djats too. it’s definitely worth the time!!

ughh why are countries so big and why can’t artist choose arenas closer to our cities?? 😭😭 it’s really unfair. and i can imagine how awful that train was lol i have harry’s concert in july and louis’s in october and you’ll definitely hear all about them!!!

i am feeling better, i got back to work today, but yeah it wasn’t great except for that sunny afternoon with simba 🥺

i’ll gladly take that tea and muffin now and go enjoy it on my bed buried in a hundred blankets. and it’s raining outside so i can hear the rain pouring. literally the dream environment. so i’m dragging you into this blanket fort with me and putting on a comfort movie <3333 also go do that assignment!!! i know you can do it nero!! i’m giving you all my energies and strength for this <3333

hello cece my beautiful wonderful beloved soulmate <3

i hope you have been well and looking after yourself! i don’t want you overworking yourself 😭 but it has been two days since i have come back from my trip (i have been exhausted plus i had work and uni to catch up on) so now i am going to sit down and tell you about my trip!! please grab a cup of tea and a snack while you read :)

so i went to sydney again, and i had a much more enjoyable experience this time around. i think it was because i knew what i was getting into, and i stayed in the exact same place, so it was all familiar to me.

although i did try to use the public transport this time, instead of ubering everywhere, and the buses were so bad, but the trains were INCREDIBLE! they were double decker and the back support moved so you could have a single row or two rows of seats face each other??? SO COOL

anyways, me and my friend caught the train to the airport at 4am in the morning 😭😭😭 (and i finished work at 12am!!!!) to get our flight. once we landed in sydney, my friend wanted to get merch from the early presale stand outside the arena and we were outside in 30 degree heat FOR TWO HOURS, with our luggage. good news, my birthday is coming up and my friend didn’t know what to get me, so he bought half my merch 🤭 bad news, i’m ginger and i get sunburnt in two minutes, so think about two hours… the worst thing is we had an umbrella for sun protection, but my right arm and the back of my neck was out so they were FRIED. i’m currently peeling like a reptile but worth it

we got some food from maccas because we were dehydrated and getting heat stroke, and then checked into our room after we managed to get our stuff. we both ended up napping in the afternoon, which we were both surprised about, because i had my phone in my hand still attached to the charger next to my bed and he still had his genshin impact loaded up onto his ipad 😭😭😭

unfortunately the place i wanted to take him to for dinner, the really good japanese place from last time, was under renovation, so we had dinner elsewhere but we had such a good time the rest of our trip

because we went to see stray kids, a kpop group, we had a lot of activities we could indulge in. they had this thing called a cupsleeve event, where someone in the fandom designs a cupsleeve to represent a kpop idol’s birthday, group anniversary or in our case, coming to the city. and i got so many freebies! we went to this kpop store that doubled as a cafe and the drinks were so good! i bought way too much but i have to remind myself that i can’t get it at home 😔

we also went to the biggest bookstore i have ever seen in my life! it took up a whole floor of the shopping centre and it was brilliant. it had books upon books, categories after categories. they even had an entire chinese and japanese section! i also spent a lot of money there BUT my best find was the entire completed infernal devices manga trilogy!! it’s so beautiful and such a rare find, i grabbed it immediately. i couldn’t find the tmi graphic novels though, but they have them on their website, so i might order them in :)

alright, the main event! the concerts! so i went and saw the kpop group, stray kids, two nights in a row! it was amazing. i was and still am a huge fan of their work, but especially because they got me through a really hard time in my life and really were my serotonin while i was at school 😔 i wasn’t allowed to see them when they first came here four years ago (parents: maybe next year, they’ll come! *next year being 2020.*) so i feel like i finally made up for it.

me and my friend also matches outfits! we did black and green (the concert colours) on the first night, and red and white on the second (to match the stray kids colours). i wish i could send you photos, we looked so slay 🤩

i do not have one concert video without me screaming the lyrics (yeah the korean ones too!) in the back. but i don’t care, it was so fun, i had a blast. and it was even better because two of the members of stray kids were from sydney and they just made it feel more homely :) do not regret how much money i spent on them or the sleep i lost at all! i’m so glad i can slowly start to give myself the experiences i missed out on as a kid/teenager :’)

anyways, enough about me! how have you been? what have you been up to? how is simba? 🥺 i adore you so much and i am enclosing this letter with a warm hug <3333

hello nero my amazing perfect beloved soulmate <3

yay i’m so happy to finally hear about this trip!!! i just made myself a cup of tea and brought out some biscoff cream!!

how was the catching up part?? did you manage to catch up without exhausting yourself too much??

nero that’s so great!! i think that having a familiar surrounding is always helpful, and staying in the same place makes it all less scary somehow. i’m really happy it went much better!!

NO WAY THEY HAVE THOSE TRAINS THERE??? they look so cool!!! i’ve seen them on instagram once and i was so jealous of every city who had those trains!! you can literally choose if you want to sit alone or have company and that’s so cool!!! it’s basically a buildable environment!!! i’m getting way too excited about this lol

so you only had like three hours of sleep?? 😭😭😭😭 and you even had to stand in the heat for hours 😭😭😭 but yay!!! merch!!! that’s a really great birthday gift!!! (also when is your birthday??? only if you want to share of course <3)

anyway merch is so amazing and so expensive. this has got to be one of the best presents ever!!! even if it means you’re skinning like a reptile now lol at least it’s just two small spots instead of your whole self 😂 but i get the struggle. i’m not ginger but my skin is so light i always get sunburnt in 0.5 seconds too. definitely not fun, but worth it for some merch :D

that was probably a really fun situation to wake up to, but you both deserved a nap for catching a bus at 4am!!! especially since you had only a few hours of sleep after work!! at least you were rested enough to really enjoy the trip!!

oh no 😭😭 i’m still dreaming about that place!! i went to a my favorite japanese restaurant in my city a few days ago and i really wanted to try that beverage you told me about but i was driving so i couldn’t 😭 i hope this other restaurant was really good too though!!

no way!!! nero this is all way too cool!!! i’m so happy it was so fun and there were so many things to do!!! also this cupsleeves event sounds so cool!! i’m so happy nero, you’re making my day just by telling me about all these freebies and amazing drinks!! and you know i’m always gonna be the little devil on your shoulder telling you that spending money is good and you deserve all that amazing stuff :))

the tid manga trilogy??? how is that even possible omg you can’t find that anywhere!!!! i’m so jealous, i wanna live in this bookstore now 🥺 it’s got to be so amazing!! (you always find the best bookstores, i had no doubt there would be one in this letter too and i was so excited to read about it!!) and let me know if you do order the tmi graphic novels!! i’ve been trying to collect those too hehe

the fact that *next year* was 2020 is so painful. but you saw them two nights in a row!!! that’s amazing!! and it must have been so good to see them after so long, after they’d been by your side in a really tough time 🥹 i’m so happy you got to finally see them live!!

also, the matching outfits?? I LOVE THAT!!! i bet you looked so slay!!! that’s literally the best idea for what to wear to a concert!!!

nero i’m so so happy for you!!! you’ve made my whole day, i’m not even joking!! i’m so happy you’re finally getting to enjoy trips and concerts you couldn’t before!! and this one really sounded so perfect!!! also the videos with you screaming at the top of your lungs to every song are literally the best. i love it when i rewatch a video from a concert and i can hear myself screaming and crying and dying more than i can hear the band or the singer. it just makes me live all those memories and those amazing feelings again!!!

the money spent on this is totally worth it!!! and you can sleep now, uni can wait lol really nero i’m so happy this trip was so good!!! i’m so happy for you!!!

i’m good!! i got three days off from work this week so that was great, and i started to reread chain of iron so that i can reread chain of thorns right after :) i miss them so much already 🥲

anyway i just booked a trip for may, because a friend is coming to visit me and i’m gonna be off work for two weeks so i’m really looking forward to it and now i just wanna skip work and plan the itinerary 😂 and i want to book more trips too. which isn’t great because my bank account is already crying and begging me to stop buying stuff. did i tell you i got the illumicrate edition of chain of thorns with the alternative dust jackets? yeah so my bank account still hasn’t forgiven me for it :,)

simba is also doing really good, he’s eating a lot and sleeping a lot as usual 😌

also, ever since you told me about the rina sawayama concert, and because you always talked so much about her, i kinda started listening to her music a lot more and i’m obsessed with some songs now!!! i adore her style so thank you for this new obsession :>

i’m enclosing a warm hug for you too and a little bouquet of flowers <3

#nero my beloved!!! <3

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reality-exodus · 3 years ago

Text

A missing scene

Warnings:Kaz's hand discomfort (mention), spoilers from "six if crows" and "Shadow&Bone"

Pairing: Kaz x Inej

─────────────⊹⊱✫⊰⊹──────────────

‘It was my last moment;’ Kaz Brekker pondered within seconds while the inferni rose behind him with his flaming fist prepared to burn him down , not so much because he invade the little palace but due to smashing his wrist with a massive candlestick. Kaz managed to befriend with the idea of his flesh burning to his death. Ironic… He was wearing gloves as he couldn’t stand the sensation of the human skin against his -it awakened memories- and now he himself would be the exact opposite of erosion… He would be charred.

Ready for his end, he heard a loud thud. His cyan eyes glanced at his rear… His Wraith standing at the stone railings above him, her lost gaze would not abandon the body of the Grisha, she had murdered… Murdered to save his life. He approached her and she jumped down, her peer unshifted from the dead body laying on the floor. Footsteps echoed in the wide corridors. Kaz panicked momentarily- he wanted to touch her, needed to… His investment, his Wraith, his Inej- Therefore, the only the muse of it compelled his insides threatening to come out, he felt ill. He had almost begged her to look at him so they would escape and he they did.

That’s what Kaz was thinking while his arms where baring Inej’s injured body –would they escape this chaos- His investment had save him once and now it was his turn. They arrived at the boat and Kaz had realized he could do nothing else, other than trust Nina Zenik to save her life.

It had been four days, now crossing the fifth one as Kaz was running out of hope, His heart was sinking at the thought of Inej lying upon this cold table unconscious. He raised his gaze to the deck hearing Nina’s voiced. He smiled –or thought so at least- as the heartrender was supporting the Suli girl. Once hhad he perceived that these were only notions, Inej had spotted him at the captain’s booth. Her expression was cold but he could tell she was disappointed… “Say you are sorry” were the last words she spoke to him. He still couldn’t understand why.

Time had passed and Kaz Brekker was unmoved. He kept spectating the deck that had the endless blue of the oceans. Nina was probably inside while Jesper and Wylan sitting with the druskelle. Inej was alone in her corner, tugged in a furry blanket. Kaz gripped his cane and moved out. He was slowly pacing towards her. He felt his heart pounding against his chest.

“Hello” He greeted as he stood before her.

“Hi” she replied coldly

“How are you feeling?” He asked her trying to ease his voice to show his care but if he judged by her reaction, it didn’t work.

“I can pull of the job” She responded and rolled her eyes.

‘It isn’t about the job Inej, it is about you. I was worried to death the moment I saw you bleed against my chest. I was so scared and I could do nothing to actually help you… I didn’t protect you and the worst part is that you left so upset after the way I talked to you… Maybe that’s why you wanted me to apologize.’

“Good” was all that came out eventually escorted by a heavy exhale, he tried to camouflage.

Inej turned away at his approval.

“Are- are you sure you are alright?” Kaz made another effort with a hesitance he tried to hide.

“Yes and I didn’t thank you… You rescued me…” Inej spoke softly therefore her tone was still serious and sentimentless.

“No need to thank me Inej , crows take care of each other” Kaz quoted with a nod. “May I” he asked pointing at the empty space next to her.

“Go ahead” she permitted him.

“You were acting strangly, you still are” he dared to declare out loud.

“I am alright, the ambush caught me by surprise” The girl replied trying to conceal her little conversation with Tante Heleen.

“I mean before” Kaz spoke referring to the moment she had stormed out of the window ignorant of what had happened.

“It was nothing” Inej turned away. “Nothing I couldn’t handle either way” She added after a sigh. How did he find out? She was wondering. A crow saw and didn’t intervene.

“What is nothing?” Kaz frowned puzzled “What are you speaking of?” he added and looked at her.

“What do you mean Kaz? Were you not filled in by your secret informants that are spread all around Ketterdam?” she asked rolling her eyes discreetly. She felt exposed and still obliged to him… Even more. Like he was constantly reminding her of it.

“No Inej… I am sincerely oblivious. What happened?” Kaz insisted still frowned. It felt weird not being aware of the things happening to the crows of his.

“People of the Menagerie and Heleen approached and talked to me. Nothing I couldn’t handle.” Inej revealed and did not dare to turn Kaz.

“What?! Inej did they touch you, what did she say?” Kaz demanded and turned at her tensed, his blue eyes were filled with anger and concern… but anger was mostly apparent.

Inej stayed as she was. “No and nothing Kaz” she was still avoiding him.

“Inej… to protect you I have to know” Kaz’s voice lightened slightly to ease her even though her eyes were reflecting boiling fury.

“She said that you won’t be able to pay her. That I would end up in her satins again.” Inej spoke unwillingly. Her previous thoughts seemed far as she felt that he cared about her. Not owing to her membership on the crows or her skills. Not because she was an investmeny.

He cared for her.

She couldn’t help but smile a bit. Although she hid it well.

“Of course I will be able. And even if I won’t you will never go back there. I wont allow it” Kaz assured her softly “Inej, if they approach you again I want to know” He added and looked at her. He was assuring. His charming voice sounded stern and terrorizing to whoever stood against it. He was the bastard of the Barel but when it came to his crows he meant it all.

Inej nodded, there was silence between them- an awkward one.

“You should rest… you are still weak” Kaz changed subject

“Yes I should” Inej agreed and tied the blanket around her. She moved and flinched.

“Let me H-help” Kaz offered out of reflex.

“Are you sure?” Inej was shocked

Kaz didn’t reply. He swept one hand around her waist for support, carefully, to not actually touch he. He allowed a heavy sigh escape his mouth. He felt the her weight shifted upon him as he led her down so she would lay.

He helped her with the blanket and let out a sigh.

His Wraith was alive.

He was kept close to her.

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A/N: i am really anxious on how this fic will go since i am about 350 in Six of crows and i just kept thinking abt this certain scene on the 5th harbor ambush. I really hope i got Kaz right. Lemme know what u think🖤✨

#shadow and bone #kaz brekker #six of crows #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #kanej #kanej fic #kanej fanfiction #kanej fluff #freddie carter #amita suman #fanfiction #fanfic

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klbwriting · 3 years ago

Text

Unexpected Allies - Chapter 8

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: the trio finally make it to the resistance to see who of their friends is alive

Note: this will probably be the last chapter for today, I hope you like it!

Taglist: @mcntsee

Y/N nearly cried when they finally saw the settlement that the resistance had set up. She was freezing, tired, and in pain from being on a horse for two days straight. As much as she liked Jesper she was a little tired of him being her main companion. He talked non stop and as much as she loved to hear about Ketterdam and their adventures as the Dregs, including some embarrassing stories about Kaz, she still felt guilty about what had happened to their home and every story brought the memories of its destruction flooding back. Also, she was pretty sure if he told one more story about Kaz screwing up a job that Kaz was going to start hurling his cane around and she really didn’t want to watch him beat his friend to death.

As they approached the camp a small group started walking towards them so they dismounted to meet them face to face. She saw the relief flood to the other’s faces as a young Suli woman approached with a few others of various nations.

“Inej!” Jesper cried, running up and hugging the smaller girl. She smiled just as bright as he did, clearly happy to see they were alive. Kaz wandered up and Y/N fell back to let them have a reunion. She walked over to the others that had come up with Inej.

“ Y/N!” a man said, moving and hugging her, picking her up and spinning her.

“Mal!” she said, clearly happy to see him. She hugged him back. The last time she had seen Mal was at the battle with Alina. He was devastated by her death and last she had heard he had retreated to the mountains for some unknown purpose. She was elated that he had found the resistance and was fighting again. He set her down and she found she was crying a little.

“O tears for me?” he said. She nodded still laughing.

“Last I heard you were still working with the Darkling” he said, frowning. She nodded.

“I was for a time, then I saw an opportunity to truly help the resistance and I brought them with me,” she said, motioning to Kaz and Jesper. She was surprised to see Kaz staring at Mal with absolute malice in his eyes. She would talk to him later, right now she needed to focus on sharing her knowledge with the leaders. “Can we talk?” Mal nodded and he led her into the camp with the others.

Kaz assumed that the man Y/N was hugging was from the war, someone she was close with clearly. He had felt jealousy well up in him for a moment and then it subsided with the realization that she loved him. He smirked to himself as he turned back to see Inej eyeing him. Great, now more people were going to be asking about him and Y/N.

“What?” he snapped. She smiled at him.

“I see you still have your sunny disposition,” she said. Kaz rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smile on his lips. It was coming easier to him and he couldn’t stand it. “Who is she?”

“Her name is Y/N, she was in the Darkling’s inner circle, she betrayed him to get us out of prison and bring us here,” he explained. Inej studied him again and nodded as if she understood something. “Don’t say a word, I already had to threaten Jesper to keep his mouth shut.

“I will keep this to myself but I am sure everyone will know the minute you look at her,” she said. “Good for you Brekker, finally found a soul.” He snarled and she was a little taken aback. “A soul I see that only appears for her. Come, we will get you food and a place to sleep. Mal and the others will want to talk with Y/N for awhile you might have to wait until tomorrow to see her.” Kaz didn’t much like that option but he didn’t have a choice. They were here now so the time he had with Y/N was going to be more limited now. He would busy himself with something.

“Are you doing any jobs here?” he asked as they walked into the camp. As soon as they were through the makeshift gates Jesper ran and nearly tackled Wylan and Nina to the ground. They all gathered around, the Dregs back together and Kaz felt at home again.

“We are the crew that steals supplies here,” Inej explained. “They’re trying to figure out where to attack the Darkling but its hard considering he’s always moving and always heavily guarded.”

“Maybe we can help with that problem now that I’m back in the picture,” he said. Inej nodded.

“I know that is probably why Y/N broke you out, when we arrived they asked about the plan to get into the Ice Court, how we got so close to the parem without being caught. We all knew pieces of the plan but not everything, we needed you for that,” she said, motioning for him to follow as Jesper went off with the others. She led him towards a small tent. “This one is empty, Jesper will probably sleep in the one next to yours.” Kaz wanted to ask about where Y/N was sleeping but he didn’t want to answer anymore questions about her or see another of Inej’s looks so he just nodded and went inside. “There should be clothes for you.” He heard her leave and laid down, intent on taking a quick rest. However, exhaustion from the journey finally overcame him and he drifted off into a deep sleep.

Y/N had always hated meetings and that hadn’t changed during her journey north. She sat at a table with Mal, Inej, and other leaders of the resistance mostly listening. They were trading ideas about how to get the Darkling vulnerable, how to corner him or weaken him. She sighed.

“He thinks I stole a vial of jurda parem. If we can get a plan in place I will let it slip about where I will be and he will come looking,” she said. They all stopped and looked at her.

“You are not going to be bait for him,” Mal said. She shook her head.

“It’s the only way, he knows I took it, he just doesn’t know that I smashed it,” she said. “He also knows I would never trust anyone with that vial but myself. He may be expecting me to bring the full army we have but he is cocky if we tell him to come alone he will. He won’t think we are worth the effort of the Second Army.” Silence fell over the group.

“That could work,” Inej said. Others murmured their agreement. The only person still not convinced was Mal but in the vote to start planning he lost. After the meeting it was nearly 11 bells and she was exhausted. She was about to leave when she saw Inej approach.

“Inej, I’ve heard a lot about you,” she said, offering a smile. Inej nodded and shook her hand.

“I wanted to thank you for freeing Jesper and Kaz, they are dear to me,” she said. Y/N nodded.

“I understand, I’m glad I could get you all back together.” She looked around, the rest of the group had disappeared so she took the opportunity to ask, “do you know if a Pekka Rollins is here? Did he survive the Ketterdam assault?” Inej looked surprised at the question.

“Yes he survived and yes he’s here,” she answered. Y/N nodded. “Why did you want to know?”

“Kaz asked me about him, I was just getting an answer before I went to find him,” she said. She would be searching tents all night but she had grown used to having his presence near when she slept and she wasn’t going to sleep well unless she knew he was there.

“He’s in block 55b, tent 6,” Inej said. “And Y/N, I don’t know what you did to earn his soul but take care of him please.” Y/N nodded before heading to find his tent.

She found where Inej had said, peeking in and seeing him asleep on one of the cots. She took the other and moved it a little closer, keeping arms distance like she did when they camped. He must have heard her because his eyes opened and he sat up quick, cane ready to swing.

“Calm down Kaz, its me,” she said, moving to lay down. She pulled up the blanket and smiled at him as he settled to lay down again.

“You know you can’t sneak up on me,” he said, looking at her. “Can’t sneak up on anyone really.” She made a face at him and he smirked at her. O that smirk would be the death of her really. “So how did it go with…whoever he was.” She heard the edge to his voice and almost laughed.

“His name is Mal. He was Alina’s love and she was his. He was like a big brother to me. I’m happy he’s here. He just vanished after she died, I figured he had left to die in solitude or something, but he’s here fighting, which is great. He’s a tracker, can always use someone like him,” she said. Kaz nodded. “I met Inej, asked her about Pekka Rollins.” Kaz perked up some, leaning to his elbow.

“Is he here?” he asked. She nodded.

With that confirmation Kaz was ready to start doling out revenge immediately. He started to get up when he felt a hand on his coat sleeve, just gripping the fabric and not his arm. He looked at her and once again noticed the lack of disgust at her touch. He had been jostled by Jesper on the way in and had nearly vomited then, his aversion had become selective apparently. He trusted Y/N and her touch, making it ok for her to get closer than anyone had before.

“Don’t go Kaz, he’s not in the camp anyway, I asked around on the way here. He’s on a job in Fjerda trying to gather some of the encampments of refugees and lead them here,” she said. He sighed and laid back down again. She left her hand out in the air between them. Kaz sighed and suddenly felt itchy. He realized he had been in these clothes for two days and needed to change.

“I’m going to change into the clothes they left…” he said, standing again. She nodded and closed her eyes. He chuckled, shedding his jacket and shirt. He got cleaned up and redressed. He was about to put his gloves back on when he looked back at her hand hanging between the cots. He set the gloves down and laid down again. “Are you awake?” he asked. Her eyes drifted opened.

“Yes, I probably won’t fall asleep for awhile even though I’m so tired,” she said. He looked at her face and then her hand again.

“Don’t move,” he whispered. She looked confused but stayed still as he reached out with his bare hand and took hers. He held it gently, feeling the rough skin, every cut and blister from riding and foraging on their journey, and he found he was alright. He didn’t know if he could do more than hold her hand but he wouldn’t push himself tonight. She was staring at him and he gave her hand a squeeze before letting go. “You said you would keep a memory of my touch…I wanted it to be real.”

“Kaz…” he held up his hand to stop her.

“Go to sleep Y/N, you’ve earned a rest. I’ll make sure no one bothers you in the morning and I’ll be here when you wake up,” he said. He saw eyes close slowly as she now seemingly curled the hand he touched to her chest, holding it as if it were treasure.

#six of crows #kaz #kaz brekker #kaz x reader #kaz brekker x reader #kazbrekker #unexpected allies series

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genuineformality · 3 years ago

Text

Febuwhump Day 20: Caged

Six of Crows; Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa; Nina Zenik

Inej hears Kaz’s screams and is out of her bed before she recognizes them for what they are. She grabs as many knives as she can strap on without delaying herself more than a few seconds and she is out her window and climbing up to his, her heart in her throat.

Inej sags with relief that he is not being attacked, at least not by anyone else. He’s in the middle of his narrow bed, red-faced with fever, and tossing and turning. He’s still in his trousers and socks, but his bloodied shirt and gloves are still where he dropped them last night. His braces are buttoned to his trousers, tangled underneath him.

She secures his window, checks that his door is locked.

“Kaz,” she hisses from across the room. “Kaz, wake up.”

He mumbles something she can’t make out and she dares to move closer, repeating herself and praying that he hears her.

It’s only when she’s close that she realizes his eyes are open, but unseeing, focused on something beyond her.

“Brekker, can you hear me?” she forces authority into her voice that she does not feel, hoping that it breaks through something in his mind.

It’s only then that she dares to touch him, to put a featherlight hand on his pale shoulder. He groans, recoils away from her, and she jumps back just as quickly.

“Saints, Kaz. What am I supposed to do with you like this?” she asks him, her heart pounding through her chest.

She thinks about sending for Jesper, but as soon as she thinks it, she knows that Kaz would sooner die than be seen like this in front of him. Specht would be better, but she dismisses that idea, too. None of the other Dregs are suitable, except-

Inej is loath to do it, but she slips out Kaz’s door and down the stairs to find a runner.

-=-=-=-=-=-

“You look awful,” Nina says without preamble.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Inej mutters, staring down at Kaz, wincing that she’s repeating words he said not six hours ago. In the time between Inej sending for her and Nina arriving, his breathing has become rapid and labored, but every time she tries to touch him, to put a cool cloth against his head or give him any comfort or ease, he moans, or groans, or screams. Once he lashed out and Inej was so surprised that he managed to land a hit on her cheek, which she thinks is probably going to bruise.

“I’m not a Healer,” Nina sighs, but even so, she twists her hands in a way that Inej vaguely recognizes and Kaz’s breathing slows.

“Can you tell what’s wrong with him?” Inej hates that her voice sounds fretful.

“Chronic exhaustion, continuous pain, bad sleep? Some sort of infection on top of it,” Nina shrugs. Her eyes are a little unfocused, as if she’s staring through his skin. “He’s a mess, but it’s mostly his own doing.”

In the caravan, Inej’s mother would tend to her childhood illnesses with handfuls of herbs, teas, and baths. She wrapped Inej in colorful blankets, gave her cups of cool water. She can’t imagine doing that for Kaz when she can’t even touch him. “What do we do?”

“It’s a fever.” Nina is matter of fact, but when Inej shakes her head, she continues: “We can call a medik, but they’ll tell you the same thing: make him comfortable and wait it out. A Healer could do more, but they’d be doing little more than speeding up a process that’s probably best done in its own time.”

“I don’t think he’s ever been comfortable in his life.” Inej touches the place on her cheek where he struck her. “He won’t accept it.”

Nina frowns and leans in to look at a mark on Kaz’s chest. “These look like firepox scars,” she murmurs. “I’ve never seen them in person.”

“Firepox?” Inej asks, alarmed. “Isn’t that fatal?”

“It usually is. These are old.” Nina straightens. “I can get some herbs that should help, but it’s up to you to get them down his throat.”

“Why me?”

“Who else is going to do it? Jesper? Pim? Anika?”

“No, I’ll do it,” Inej sighs. “Before this, he said to make the deal with the Ravkan Embassy.”

Nina’s eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Really?”

“Yes. But I think you should take care of it fast.” Inej says firmly, glancing at an insensible Kaz Brekker.

Nina’s eyes narrow thoughtfully. “I’ll send you some herbs and instructions. Do you think you can keep him where he is for a few days?”

“If his fever breaks, I don’t know that I’ll be able to if he insists on it.”

“Can we agree that this would be easiest if he was not… involved?” Nina phrases it carefully, but Inej’s heart constricts.

“Make it fast,” she says instead.

“It’s a cage of his own making,” Nina says gently. “We’re just making sure that it suits our purposes for the moment.”

Somehow, that doesn’t make Inej feel better.

#febuwhump2022 #febuwhump #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #nina zenik #febuwhumpday20

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aster-aspera · 3 years ago

Photo

One place to fall

@badthingshappenbingo

Prompt: Can’t go home

Relationship: Jon/Martin/Tim/Sasha

Warnings: food, Jon just generally being a bit sad? Idk, if there’s something you want tagged, feel free to tell me

Masterlist

If you liked it, please reblog

Jon woke up that morning with a strangled gasp, the afterimage of his dreams still burned into the back of his eyelids, keeping him from falling back to sleep. He rolled over, expecting to find the comforting warmth of one of his partners to keep him company in the lonely hours of an early day. Instead, what greeted him was the cold grey wall of Georgie’s guest room. It didn’t take long after that for the memories to flow back.

Three days. He really should stop expecting them to be here at this point.

They’re not here, they can’t be here, and he can’t go home, not for a long while, not till the police stop suspecting him for a murder he didn’t commit.

He sighed, rolling over onto his back when aches started running up his side. He stared up at the off-white popcorn ceiling, trying not to think of how Tim was probably sprawled out over Martin and Sasha, stealing most of the blankets and driving his sharp elbows into their sides. He tried not to miss Sasha’s warmth against his side and the sound of Martin’s soft snores. He always used to complain about their sleeping arrangements, but now he would do anything to be back in that bed.

He groaned and rolled over a few more times, trying in vain to find a position that was comfortable enough to attempt sleep again, not that that would go very well, with the nightmares plaguing him as soon as he closed his eyes.

Eventually, he conceded and got out of bed, grabbing his cane from the wall and taking a moment to work the stiffness out of his limbs. He limped into the kitchen and smiled at the Admiral when he raised his head sleepily. He wondered if he could convince the others to get a cat when he got home. If he ever got home.

The smile slipped off his face and he turned to open the curtains, letting in the greyish light of an early dawn. The Admiral mewled plaintively at his feet, pushing against him. He bent down carefully to run his fingers along the cat’s back, closing his eyes for a moment and just letting the feeling ground him.

He straightened and made his way over to the cramped kitchen, intent on making himself a small breakfast to keep him company whilst he waited for the world to wake up. He reached towards the cabinet over the sink, and for a moment expected their mismatched collection of mugs with ridiculous quotes and terrible puns. He shouldn’t have felt the disappointment he did when instead it was just a shelf of plain white cups.

He shut the cabinet door a little more forcefully than strictly necessary, breathing deeply against the sudden swell of emotion in his throat.

In the scope of all that had happened to him, this should have been minor, this should have been fine. It was just Georgie, the person he had used to love, the person he still cared for. And his partners were really just a phone call away.

So why then, did it feel like he was breaking? Why did every little reminder this wasn’t his home tear something apart deep in his gut?

Home had always been his safety net, and now, he had nowhere to fall.

And now he just had to sit here, stare at the blank walls and hope the police would finally realise he hadn’t been the one to kill jurgen Leitner. Every day that hope felt a bit further away.

He opened the group chat he shared with the others. There were no new messages, of course not, none of them were awake yet. Six am was a bit early even for Tim. He scrolled back to their conversation from last night.

A picture of Tim grinning into the camera while a pot bubbles over behind him.

Sasha: Tim’s cooking tonight, send help

Martin: If the house burns down or he poisons us, I want you to know I love you

Jon: I’m sure it won’t come to that.

He scrolls back down to the bottom of the chat, a small smile on his face at the easy conversation of last night. It wasn’t the same as being there with them, but it was a small comfort.

The three dots that signalled someone was typing popped up on his screen and he noted with surprise Sasha was already online.

Sasha: Youre up early

Jon: I could say the same for you.

Sasha: Needed to pee

Jon: Yes, I suppose that makes sense.

Sasha: So what’s your excuse

Jon: My back hurts again.

Sasha: :(

Sasha: And is that the only reason?

Jon: No

Jon: I miss you.

Sasha: Darling

Jon: I’m alright, I just wish I could see you

Jon: In person that is.

Sasha: We could come over?

Jon: I don’t think that’s wise.

Sasha: Yeah, i guess

Sasha: We miss you too

A swarm of emotions bubbled up in Jon’s throat at the words, threatening to spill over in a mess of heartache and sorrow and fear. They press against the bounds of his throat, choking him, filling him with so many feelings he could not even begin to parse them out. He just wanted to go home.

He swallows it down, tucks the whole mess into a corner of his mind and puts down his phone. He doesn’t want to bother Sasha, or any of the others. He’s already put so much on them, dragged them into the fear and confusion that was the archives, he had no right to bother them with more.

And he knew he was just being dramatic, he was a grown man, he should be able to handle being away from home for a while. He just needed to get himself together, focus on the next step.

He picked up a stack of statements from the coffee table, slipping on his glasses and burying himself in the comforting rhythm of paper and pen. At least this was something he still controlled, still knew how to do.

Georgie appeared at some point, giving him a disapproving glance to find him working so early and coraling him into eating breakfast with her. She can’t stay long after that, and both Jon and the Admiral watch her leave with the same forlorn air.

Jon looked up from his work as a heavy knock resounded from the front door. His first thought was that it was Georgie, back from her errands early. But she would just have let herself in, and Jon knew for certain she had her key with her when she left.

And who did that leave? The police? Some avatar coming to settle a score? Gertrude's killer finally come to finish the job?

Every option was bad, and every option would not let a flimsy door stop them. He stood up, walked into the kitchen as calmly as he could with dread and paranoia hanging over him like a dark cloud and grabbed the largest knife he could find. The knock came again, and he could hear indistinct whispering from behind the door.

Multiple people then. That wasn’t good for his chances. He gripped the knife just a little bit tighter.

“Hey boss, open up,” came a familiar voice, one he used to hear rough and sleepy in the mornings and soft and loving in the evenings. His heart brightened in a momentary thrill at the thought of his partners, or at least, one of them, being on the other side of that door, so close to him again after all those days without them. And all he had to do was open up that door and pull them into his arms once more.

That thrill was almost immediately dampened again as he realized they should not be here. It was why he had left in the first place. They were too connected to him, too wrapped up in his messy web of conspiracy and paranoia. If the police saw them here, if Elias saw them here, they would be leading all of it right to Georgie’s doorstep.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” He told the door and tried not to think of the warm hands behind it.

“We’re not supposed to do a lot of things,” Came Sasha’s amused voice.

“Like date each other,” Tim filled in, “But here we are, so you going to let us in now?”

“No, the police could find out, and you might get Georgie in trouble and there’s just so many reasons this is a bad idea.”

“Jon please, we’re worried about you, Georgie said you weren’t doing well,” Martin said softly

Jon sat down on the couch heavily, knees protesting from standing up too long. He stared at the door.

“And standing out here is probably a lot more risky than being in the apartment, so best let us in.”

He sighed. You never could argue with Sasha’s logic. The others looked up victoriously when he finally unlocked the door.

“There he is!” Tim crowed, as Sasha and Martin offered him a warm smile while bustling into the apartment, both laden with grocery bags. Sasha pressed a light kiss to his forehead as she passed and he tried not to start crying at the feeling.

“You have to leave,” He said as he shut the door, “You’re not supposed to be here.”

Martin and Sasha didn’t look up from where they were unloading piles of vegetables and snacks from their bags.

“What? No, hey guys, I missed you, happy to see you all?” Tim complained as he draped himself over Jon’s back. Jon scowled at him.

“Jon, stop being stubborn, we’ve all been through hell the past few weeks, and right now we just want to be here to keep you company,” Martin said in that firm yet gentle voice of his.

“You really shouldn’t be alone after all that,” Sasha said as she dumped out a tupperware container into a pot.

“I’m not alone,” Jon said grumpily, “I have the Admiral.” Though he had apparently decided to make himself scarce for the time being. Jon cursed him for the betrayal.

“Are you saying you prefer the company of a cat to ours?” Tim asked, pulling them both back onto the couch and settling a blanket over them.

“Maybe,” Jon pouted, burrowing into Tim’s chest despite the fact that he was still upset with them, “He doesn’t uselessly endanger everyone to come give me cuddles.”

“Well we’re here now, and we’re not leaving till you feel better.”

“And admit it, you’re happy we’re here,” Martin said, apparently finishing up with his preparations in the kitchen and curling up next to Jon on the couch.

Jon did not want to admit it, but something warm and content curled up in his stomach, the warm feeling of home returning to his bones. A warm and savoury smell drifted through the room, clearly coming from whatever Sasha was warming up on the stove.

This apartement did not look like home in the slightest, the walls and ceiling all wrong, the furniture hard and uncomfortable and unfamiliar. But with all of them here, and that familiar smell of soup and Tim’s conditioner surrounding him, it wasn’t all that bad.

Sasha sat down on his other side, handing everyone a bowl of soup and giving Jon a gentle kiss on his knuckles. Martin pressed one to his temple and Tim just ruffled his hair fondly.

A few words were exchanged between them, but Jon didn’t bother paying too much attention. He knew he should still be angry, or at least have a firm conversation with them on what they had agreed on. But not now, not when they were here and he was home and for a moment he could forget all about Leitner and the institute and just be safe.

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nuclearnik · 3 years ago

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You, Me, and the Stars by nuclearnik

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Nina/Matthias

Rated: G

Summary: She is home in this pocket of space where the only glow is from the stars and moon, his heart beating beneath her cheek, strong and steady.

The stars blink down from an inky sky, little pinpricks of light to break up the darkness.

It doesn't feel like darkness to Nina, not when she's with Matthias, curled up against his side and held tight in his arms, lying in the bed of his truck atop the mountain of blankets he's brought to watch the evening sky come to life.

It feels like comfort. Like she is home in this pocket of space where the only glow is from the stars and moon, the city far away, taking all its light pollution with it. She can feel his heart beating beneath her cheek, strong and steady, a reassuring reminder that he is alive and well and with her.

The chilling, dark emptiness that fills her when she is alone is chased away, leaving only warmth in its wake.

She could get addicted to this feeling.

They've been together for a year now. There haven't been any serious discussions or grand plans, though. They just sort of fell into each other and let that carry them wherever it pleased.

For Nina, together looks like the rare mornings when she wakes before Matthias does—pressed close with all their limbs tangled—and leans back just enough to observe him. Just enough to watch the first light of dawn illuminate his face, peaceful in rest but his features still sharp, like some kind of warrior angel sent to earth, made just for her.

Together means the lazy weekend nights they spend watching reruns of M*A*S*H, sprawled on the couch with his head in her lap, her fingers smoothing back and forth through the soft strands of his hair. Sometimes he falls asleep like that, and Nina finds deep satisfaction in knowing he feels safe enough to be vulnerable in that way with her.

Together is found in the little things, like trips to the grocery store, the two of them arguing over the ratio of sweets to vegetables in the cart—because Matthias is still under the mistaken impression that food is fuel, but she's starting to get him to come around to the idea of finding pleasure in it—like an old married couple.

Together is the sense of rightness she gets when she looks at him after he's just finished a shift at work, hair damp with sweat and a smidge of grease on his chin, looking so delightfully rumpled that all she wants to do is muss him up further, drag her hands through his hair and crease his shirt with the strength of her fingers twisting into the fabric as their mouths meet.

So yes, they are together. They exchange I love you's frequently and enthusiastically, but they haven't yet spoken about taking the next step, really and truly merging their lives either with a new place entirely, or Nina moving in with him. Her lease is nearly up, but it's the end of her penultimate semester of college and she's been putting off finding a new place amidst the chaos of exams and final papers.

Utterly comfortable with him in everything else, she has no idea why she's so hesitant to bring up moving in together. But he's had his space all to himself for a while now, and even though she frequents his apartment regularly, often staying over on weekends, she knows things will change, that living together can test even the strongest of relationships. She's a night owl and he's almost always up at the crack of dawn, for one.

And then there's the little matter of trusting someone to not leave, to not abandon her right at the moment she finally starts to let open her heart.

Continue reading on AO3

#helnik #helnik fanfic #six of crows #grishaverse #nina x matthias #my writing

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acourtofsnakes · 4 years ago

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Kov’nyn - Rogue, Chapter 13| The Mandalorian x Force Sensitive! Reader (f)

Summary: The night after Din rescued you from your nightmare, you realise you have a lot to think about… and you might just reach a decision that could change your fate.

Word count: 7k+

Warnings: None I think, in this one. Like one swear? Weapons/knives – not used in violence - Mainly just soft fluffy times!

AN: This one is pretty gentle, nothing super big really happening. I thought I’d give you all a rest after the rollercoaster of the last chapter~

Also, time to play Spot The Easter Egg again!! Theres a quote in here from Six of Crows... can you find it?

Gif belongs to me♥︎

Rogue Taglist: @snipskixandbeskar @weirdowithnobeardo @the-bottom-of-the-abyss @jackgrzs @sarahjkl82-blog @boomtownboy @goldielocks2004 @seninjakitey @what-iwish-you-knew @queenofthefaceless

Mando’a Translation: Kov'nyn - Keldabe kiss

You stirred to the feeling of a pleasantly heavy arm resting over your torso.

You froze, body going rigid on instinct at feeling the intrusion. Further inspection revealed a leg slung over yours and you could feel the line of armour digging into your calf.

Armour?

Oh. Of course.

The Mandalorian.

The previous night came flooding back to you in full technicolour, sending a slow wave of heat across your skin and relaxing your body. You remembered the horror of your nightmare, and then the Mandalorian coming in, soothing you, laying with you and then…

Everything that happened after.

It didn’t even take that much concentration to imagine his hands again, those delightful touches. The husky roughness of his voice as he praised you, coaxed you to the edge and held you as you tumbled over.

And then… he told you his name.

He had given you a part of himself, something that was so poignant and personal. It made him who he was, gave him his identity and separated him from “The Mandalorian.”

Din Djarin.

Din.

It was a gorgeous name. Simple, to the point.

You had to admit, it suited him in that sense. But it felt like starlight on your tongue, and it was yours. He had given it to you, entrusting you with such a precious part of himself.

In your opinion, tt was as significant as taking off his helmet, and it had settled in a place tucked against your heart, curled there and warmed you from the inside out.

Din was still asleep next to you – you assume - on his side. You had since rolled onto your back in the night, which did mean you were precariously close to the edge of the bed.

Din hadn’t moved at all, presumably used to having to be still from all the times he spent wedged into the medical bay compartment on his side, with no room to move and Grogu in his hammock above him.

You could get used it, waking up with him.

The modulator in his helmet allowed you to hear the soft, deep rhythm of his breathing and his armour had warmed overnight where it lay against your skin.

You couldn’t remember the last time you woke up next to someone and had such an immense feeling of safety and comfort.

This truly was home – wherever the Mandalorian was.

Wherever Din was.

You weren’t sure how long you laid there for, but you did know you were staring to get uncomfortable. The thin mattress – if you could even call it that – was irritating you, making you feel a little restless in this position.

You could feel Din’s hand against your side, but you weren’t sure if his hands were still bare or not. Sleep had taken you before him, so you weren’t awake to witness him pulling them back on.

You didn’t dare look properly, not wanting to lay your eyes on his bare skin, to break his Creed. So, you opened your eyes to slits, carefully peering across the room and you didn’t see any sign of his gloves.

You tried to concentrate, to see if you could feel if he had his gloves back on. The blanket and your top didn’t really provide much help in that matter, naturally.

Maybe you could wriggle a little? See if that did anything?

Of course, you could touch his hands, and then you would know. But the two times you had felt his bare skin previously, he was awake, and you had his consent. He was asleep, and therefore couldn’t tell you if it was okay or not.

Wriggling it is.

You began your movement, gently squirming with your hips shuffling side to side, to see if that would provide any knowledge on the matter – not that you thought it would. Truthfully, you didn’t know what you were doing. It was possible your brain still hadn’t engaged after being thoroughly wrecked last night in all ways.

Unfortunately, a bed that was barely wide enough for you, combined with wriggling around and trying not to wake Din… Well, there was only one way it could end.

With you dumped on the cold, metal floor.

And taking the blanket with you.

And yelping in surprise.

“Cyar'ika?”

So much for not waking Din up.

You groaned, rubbing your elbow where you had landed on it and then tried to untangle yourself from the blanket. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

The helmet appeared over the side of the bed, “Don’t be, I was already awake. What are you doing on the floor?”

You rose to your knees and sighed, resting your chin on the edge of the cot, “I was uncomfortable, and I wanted to move, but I didn’t want to open my eyes in case you didn’t have your gloves on. And I didn’t know you were awake.”

Din tilted his head at you, “And that made you fall out of the bed?”

Resting the urge to stick your tongue out at him, you shook your head, “No, I was…” Here we go, “I was trying to feel if you had them on. Without touching you.”

Din was silent.

It sounded like he sucked in a breath to speak, only to let it out again.

He made a thoughtful noise. “I see. So… Instead of turning your cheek against my hand which was under your head by the way, you instead decided to try and… wriggle.. to feel my hand.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, having completely not realised his arm was still beneath your neck. “Yes.”

“Through the blanket.”

“Yes.”

“And your top.”

“… Yes.”

Din made a thoughtful noise again, “I see.”

Then he started laughing, that gorgeous, rare sound that he had made only a few times in your presence. Sure, you sometimes got a chuckle, but this laugh was like liquid honey.

Even if it was at your expense.

“Hey!” You crossed your arms, trying not to laugh too, “Do not laugh at me! It’s your fault! You were awake and watched me struggle!”

The laughter still echoed out of the helmet as he laid back, a hand on his chest, “For someone who has so much grace in everyday life, you are terrible when it comes to night-time and early morning.”

You rose to your feet this time, pushing your weight onto one leg and copying his ‘hands on hips’ pose, “Oh, because you’re so smooth?” You stuck your tongue at him, “Tin can.” You turned your back on him, meaning to walk from the room.

You heard movement, and then he was suddenly behind you, catching your hand and lacing his fingers through yours, “Hey, come back to bed.” The laughter was still in his voice, turning it a little softer – and that combined with the coaxing tug to your hand…

How could you say no to that?

Without turning around, you tried to carry on walking to the door and at least appear strong-willed, “After you just laughed at me? You think you can use that honeyed tone and I’ll come falling into your arms?” You arched an eyebrow, looking over your shoulder

Din gave your hand another gentle tug, stopping you in your tracks “I believe you were falling into my arms last night.” His chest bumped up against your back gently, and his other hand trailed lightly on your hip, just the barest touch in case you didn’t want it.

Maker.

Heat creeped along your cheeks, and the ghost of his touch trailed over you again, leaving you speechless.

He had you there.

The grin on his lips was obvious even through the helmet as he succeeded in tugging you back into his body, winding his arms around your waist. His head ducked down, and you felt the cool beskar brush your ear, “How do you feel...? After last night?” His voice was soft and tender despite his teasing. And you knew he wasn’t just referring to the moment.

Your body instantly turned boneless, and you melted back into him, fitting against the planes of his body, “I feel… good. Really. A little shaken up still but… you really helped me. Thank you for coming to me… again.” Your heart beat a little uncomfortably in your chest, anxiety trembling in your belly as it always did on the rare occasions you spoke about your darker emotions out loud.

Din either felt or sensed this, because he rested the chin of his helmet on your shoulder, holding you back into him with his thumb running over your hip, “I’ll always come to you. Whenever you need me, I’ll be right there. And if for some reason I don’t wake up, you can come and find me, okay? Don’t suffer alone.”

A lump rose in your throat and you nodded, not trusting your voice to speak.

It was still so new to you, this care and attentiveness from someone. And even more so, letting someone care about you.

It was always just you, on your own. If you got hurt, you had to fix yourself up. If you were hungry, it was either hunt, gather or steal your food – or go hungry.

And if you were having a day that things were overwhelming you… well, you had to deal with that on your own too. Usually, you would just push it to the back of your mind, keep going on and on and on. If you didn’t stop, you didn’t feel.

Which is probably why everything had caught up with you a lot more these past few months.

For the first time in your life, you were slowing down. Stopping to breathe, to take note of your surroundings and to listen to what your body wanted for comfort rather than survival.

And so, everything that had been bottled up and restrained had begun to seep out.

Including your powers.

Din ran his thumb over your hip again, in lazy circles, “It doesn’t make you weak, needing help.” He always seemed to know the direction of your thoughts, “It makes you strong. Being able to admit that you need help, letting yourself feel everything. And I’ll always help you with whatever you need. And however much you want to give me, that’s okay too.” He squeezed your hip lightly, “We’re a clan, remember?” He let you go gently, and you would never know that he was referring not only to your trauma, but your powers too. Trying to tell you subtly that it was okay. He wasn’t scared of you, or what you could do. And he would wait.

But, instead, you turned to him, smiling softly with the light back in your eyes that he adored to see, “Okay… thank you.” You reach up, gently caressing the side of his helmet, “And you remember that you can share with me too… always.” You rose up on tiptoe, kissing the side of the helmet and then dropped back down to your feet.

Din nodded slightly, his hand caressing up your side once more and then he let you go, “I’ll leave you to get dressed.” He grazed the back of his finger to your cheekbone and then left the room.

~~~

A few hours later, you were back travelling, playing with Duru’s tail as she laid across her spot next to the big open window.

Din turned around in his seat to look at you, hands resting on his thighs in that achingly familiar pose, “I have to pick something up from somewhere today… Would you mind staying here to look after the kids? I’m not shutting you away or keeping you grounded, it’s just that it’s not the kind of place I want Grogu in… and it’ll only be for about an hour or so.”

The vagueness of his explanation piqued your curiosity and you looked over at him, “Pick something up from somewhere? My my, Din, you have such a way with words!” Playfulness filtered through your tone, but it didn’t quite hide the small hitch in your voice as you said his name.

You would never get used to it, you didn’t think.

The fact that you knew his name. That you could say it, whenever you pleased – as long as you weren’t around anyone else of course.

By the way his chest stuttered, you knew he wouldn’t either. You could sense the eye-roll though, “Ahaha. I have to keep a few things to myself; you know. How else am I going to keep you around?”

You blinked at him, feigning surprise, “Oh, you – you think I stay here for you?” Shaking your head rapidly, you held up Grogu, who had been toddling around on the floor in front of you, “Me and Duru stay here for him. You’re just an added body.”

Grogu cooed brightly, raising his arms in the air and patting your cheeks as you lifted him. To you, it sounded like he agreed.

You smiled widely at him, lifting your eyes back to Din, “He agrees with me.”

Din mock sighed loudly, turning back around with a mutter that sounded something like, “Maker, save me.”

You chuckled, leaning back in your seat and holding out Grogu’s ball to him, “But yes, that’s fine. I don’t mind staying here whilst you go about getting things from places.”

Truly, you didn’t mind. You needed to sharpen your vibrobrade which was looking a little worse for wear lately. And besides, you would be more than happy playing with the kid and Duru for an hour or so – you needed some privacy to have a little meltdown over last night.

~~~

A few hours later, Din had landed the Crest and had set off to ‘pick something up from somewhere.”

Before he left, he’d ruffled the kid’s ears, stroked Duru’s chin and then ran the back of his finger across your cheekbone, giving you a lingering look – through the helmet, of course – and then set off.

You’d then brought your blade up to the cockpit where the kids were, and settled into the pilot’s seat, beginning to sharpen your blade.

The Crest was sealed tight, so you were all safe, and the landscape outside of the windows provided you with a dusty, barren view.

As you sharpened your blade, you let your mind wander, allowing it to take the flow of whatever thoughts it decided.

Naturally, it was going to be one of two things.

Din, or your powers.

Today, your mind chose the topic of powers.

You knew that you couldn’t hide them from Din forever. It had been months now since you’d met, and he still had no clue about it, about why you had such a bounty on your head.

And he’d given you so much, not only by choosing to spare you and keep you safe, but by also given you his name.

And not only that, but every single little thing in between. From making sure you were fed, to coming to check on you after your nightmares.

He would give you his cape if you were cold or offer up extra blankets.

And it wasn’t that he thought you were incapable of doing those things yourself, or that you needed to be ‘cared for’. He knew that you were capable and resourceful, and he knew how strong you were.

He knew that you were stronger than you believed yourself to be, so it wasn’t that at all.

You knew it was because… he liked having someone else there.

Sure, it disrupted his routines and he still wasn’t used to it, which you could tell because you felt exactly the same. You still hadn’t become accustomed to waking up in someone else’s presence or going to sleep and trusting another person to stay awake – and not kill you.

And perhaps the biggest change for him was that now, with you there as well as the kid, there were even less chances for him to remove his helmet and armour and let his skin breathe.

He had mentioned as much to you before in passing, that he had to be more careful with Grogu around, and even though he hadn’t said it, your presence meant those times were even rarer.

He didn’t even have the privacy of his own room to do so – he had given that up for you.

Another thing to add to the list.

He deserves to know.

You knew the voice was right. He did deserve to know.

And not because you felt you owed him for what he’d given up for you – that wasn’t it at all.

This journey you were on, the way your lives were tightly woven together… who were you to watch him put a bigger target on his head – and not even tell him why?

A sigh heaved its way out of your chest.

You wanted to tell him so badly, you felt it in your chest.

But you didn’t know how.

How would you bring it up?

“Hey, Din? I have something to tell you… The reason I have the highest bounty ever on my head is because… well... I’m Force Sensitive. I’m not a Jedi or anything but I have the ability to use the Force. Oh, what’s the Force, you ask? Well, it’s the energy that flows in and around every living thing.”

That just sounded cringey and ridiculous, and you doubted he would even know what the Force was. He didn’t even know that’s what the kid had.

Hell, you had never even acknowledged to yourself out loud that it was the Force.

It just… seemed ridiculous to you.

The Force belonged to the Jedi. If you had the power, you trained to be a warrior and a guardian of peace and life.

You didn’t go on the run and kill people.

You didn’t deserve to be associated with that kind of honour. Even if you never trained to be an actual Jedi… you didn’t deserve it.

But you couldn’t go on like this, hiding it.

Every time a silence fell, it was sitting there, waiting to burst out and just finally tell him, tell someone. And you knew that once you started, you wouldn’t stop.

The whole story would come out.

Your parents, the market, the first time you killed to save your own life and every time after that. He would learn about how good it felt, the sick power that washed over you and then the horrendous shame and guilt that had you vomiting for hours after.

The story of how you ended up on top of that cliff and then in the water would come out.

All of it, every single thing that had tied you to this life would be revealed.

It would all be laid bare to him, leaving you as open and exposed as if he had removed his own armour.

And that’s what terrified you.

He would know every single thing, and it would be his decision how to take it.

And you would respect it, whatever it was.

If he wanted you gone, far away from himself and his kid, then you would go. Willingly.

Sure, it would kill you, but you would understand why.

But if he looked over it all, the darkness, the running, your power… If he looked at it, acknowledged the bad but saw how it had created the good, the fun, the way you’d gone from tripping over a bow to being able to shoot with your eyes closed and the light that had grown in you… If he saw every single thing, and still wanted to be with you…

Well, you didn’t quite know how to take that.

You might well cry.

And… if you were honest, you’d built yourself up to telling him. You decided yesterday that you were going to tell him this afternoon.

But then you had that nightmare.

Of course, you knew that he would never harm you, never hold a knife to your throat and drive it into your heart. That wasn’t what you were worried about.

It was your reaction.

The way the power had exploded and destroyed him.

What if you got too worked up when you told him, and you couldn’t control it?

You’d restrained it for so long, for twenty years and it was started to come out.

And you hadn’t admitted it to yourself but… it was becoming agony.

The aches and pains that you had tried to write off as from hunting or the thin bed…

You knew it wasn’t.

It was the strain of holding back your power.

You needed to let it go, to finally open yourself up and accept it, whatever it may be.

You just didn’t know how.

A soft coo brought you out of your rapidly spiralling thoughts.

You lifted your attention from your knife, and found Grogu holding his metal ball, sitting in your usual co-pilot’s chair. He waved it in his hand, gurgling and you just knew, somehow, that he was asking to play catch.

A broad smile lit your face, and you sheathed your knife, stowing it to the side, “Of course, little guy, I’ll play catch with you.” You turned your attention to him fully and held out your hand, “Whenever you’re ready, Gu.” The affectionate nickname had developed a few days ago, and the kid loved it.

He lifted his hand, his little forehead furrowing in concentration, and then the ball lifted, floating in the air slowly toward you where it dropped into your palm.

A feeling of warm pride filled your chest, and you laughed a little, clapping your hands, “Well done!! You’re getting better at that!”

Din had told you that sometimes he struggled to use his powers and if he used them for a particularly long time, or for something intense, it would completely wipe him out.

He told you he’d been gently coaxing him to use them, to be more confident with them and praise him for every small achievement - at the recommendation of a friend.

You lifted the ball up, “Ready to catch it?” You threw it across the cockpit, gently, so he would have time to stop it.

Which he didn’t.

It fell straight into his lap… but that may have been because he didn’t even bother to lift his hand. He just looked at you.

You tilted your head slightly, remembering Din’s words, “That’s okay, you can try again!” You held your hand out ready.

A few moments later, it plopped back into your palm. You praised him, then threw it back, but yet again he let it land in in his lap without trying.

Four turns later, and he started to huff every time you threw the ball, his ears twitching like he was annoyed.

You sighed a little, “Gu, c’mon buddy… Try at least? For me? You send it to me perfectly, why won’t you catch it?” You raised your eyebrows a little, voice still encouraging but a little firm – again, as Din had relayed back to you as the best way.

The kid just grumbled, his ears raising and falling again, and he pointed at your hand.

Lifting the ball, you nodded, “I know you want the ball, but you have to try and catch it with yo-“

His rapidly shaking head stopped you. He pointed more emphatically at your hand, his glossy eyes wide and then you realised exactly what his problem was.

He wanted you to throw the ball, sure… but not physically.

He wanted you to use your power.

Shaking your own head, you feigned innocence, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Grogu simply wiggled his little feet and waited.

And so did you.

You stared him down, rolling the ball in your hands, “You know, I really do not know what you’re referring to. You’re mistaken. Now, catch the ball, you little womp rat.” You let your affection for him show in your tone, so he would know you weren’t being mean. You tossed the ball toward him.

His palm lifted and it stopped mid-air, before whizzing back at you with speed, straight toward your head.

Your own hand whipped up and you caught it just before it could bonk you on the nose, “Hey! Don’t throw things at me!”

His ears flapped in annoyance and he make some kind of noise, waving his hands.

And then he opened his mouth to cry.

With a groan of defeat, you rubbed your forehead, “Fine! Fine. You’re right. I have the same powers as you.”

His mouth immediately closed and broke into a wide grin.

Cheeky little thing.

You held yourself very still, gazing down at this tiny creature, who had apparently guessed your one big secret. Tilting your head the other way, you narrowed your eyes a little, “How did you guess?”

Grogu mimicked your head tilt but revealed nothing. He just watched you, smiling happily and patting his hands together to wait for the ball.

All of your life a secret, and a tiny green baby with an affinity for frogs and space macarons had managed to work you out.

You couldn’t help the laugh, shaking your head at the whole situation, “You are a clever little baby aren’t you, huh?” You watched him for a little while, and then lifted up your hand flat, letting the ball rest in your open palm.

You took a deep breath, focusing on the ball.

Easy. Just concentrate.

You closed your eyes, slowing your breathing, allowing it to relax in time with the beating of your heart. Ignoring the beeping of the Crest, the worry of using it, you focused simply on the ball, and the air around it. Imaging it rising from your palm, gliding across the air and landing in Grogu’s little hand.

As simple as that.

You swallowed, and then opened a tiny gate in that cage, a small gasp releasing from your lungs as the power thrummed through your blood, letting you feel the space ahead of you, the empty air becoming a malleable thing, and you tried not to flinch as the weight of the ball vanished from your palm.

A breath in, a breath out. Focus.

Like an invisible hand, you began to guide the ball across the open air, as if it caressed the ball like a boat and carried it across the ocean.

You were nearly there; you could feel it. The ball was nearing Grogu’s palm, and you were dimly aware of his delighted noises, pride in his own glee like you had for him.

Nearly there.

You were doing it. You were controlling that wave, keeping it restrained and focused where you needed it. It was easy and it felt… it felt good. Natural, like breathing.

This was what you’d missed for the last twenty years, being able to spread it wide or bring it in narrow.

You didn’t need to be scared, if you could focus it in minimal amounts like this.

It was okay, you were okay and –

“Sweetheart? Grogu?”

The suddenness of din’s voice broke your concentration and the ball fell to the floor with a soft thunk.

Your eyes snapped open as your heart leapt into your both and you looked toward the entrance to the cockpit, hoping he was below, hoping he hadn’t seen.

It was empty.

The sound had come right from below, as he looked for you.

You swallowed, keeping your voice even, “Up here.” You turned your gaze to Grogu, knowing you looked as pleading as you sounded, “Please don’t tell him…” You whispered the words, but you knew he understood, the ball zipping to his hand as if he had been playing with it the whole time.

Gratitude for the small creature flooded your heart and you smiled at him, a little shakily as Din’s shiny head popped up the ladder.

“Hey, sorry I was a little longer than expected…” He reached the top of the ladder, rising to stand at his full height. He saw you in his seat, one of his hands coming to rest on his hip, “Oh, I see it didn’t take you long to replace me.” He motioned to you in his chair, the husky tone of his voice teasing.

You leant back in the chair, swaying it from side to side slightly with a grin, “Nope. Not at all. We don’t need you. You can go back out if you want. Shut the door on your way out.” You tilted your head back against the chair, one leg lounged over the arm like it was a throne.

He called you princess still, so why not play on it?

Did you not deserve a fancy dress and a crown?

Of course, you had no idea what this sight was doing to him, playing on a fantasy he’d had for a while now about this cockpit and that particular pilots chair.

He laughed, shaking his head and he rested against the side of the cockpit, arms crossed and pulling the fabric of his clothes tight – much to your own delight. “Right, I’ll just grab my things and leave, then. It’s been good knowing you, princess.”

This.

This was what you loved. The fact that you could have moments like last night, intense and passionate – or snarling and angry – and still retain the playful teasing that had always hovered between you.

You shook your head, grinning softly, “Nah, I’m kidding. I need you around to fly the ship… I have actually no idea how to.” You looked over your shoulder at the control panel, the mass of buttons and switches and lights.

Put you in front of a forest to track an animal or spot a hunter or present you with a variety of leaves and plants and you could identify them all. Give you a few meagre supplies and you’ll have a selection of weapons crafted in minutes.

But flying a ship?

No, thank you.

Din chuckled, and you knew he was grinning beneath the helmet, “I’ll teach you one day.” He straightened up suddenly and held out his hand, “Come with me.”

With a tilt of your head, you unwound yourself from the chair and slid your hand into his, the worn leather soft against your palm and fingers, “Where are going?”

Din tugged you gently toward the ladder, “I got you something...” His voice was a little quieter as he waited for you to descend the ladder.

You peered up at him, pausing to lower yourself down, “When you were off getting things from places?” You tried not to smile, your lips twitching.

Din huffed softly, and there was an implied verbal eyeroll there, “Get down the damn steps before I push you down them myself.”

Your laugh floated up as you descended, “And I would grab your foot on the way down and take you with me.”

A few moments later, you were making your way through the ship again.

Din stopped at the weapons cabinet, then turned to face you, “Close your eyes.”

You raised an eyebrow at him, eyes flicking to the weapons cabinet and then him, but you did as you were told, closing your eyes.

“Hold out your hands.”

Lips twitching again, you held out your hands obediently.

There was the sound of the cabinet opening and then rustling from within.

A pause.

Then you felt smooth, cool metal resting on your palms, across them both but you could tell it was wider.

You tilted our head curiously, brows furrowing a little as your fingers curled around the mysterious object.

Din’s voice sounded again, sounding… almost hesitant, “Open...”

Light filtered back in as you opened your eyes, looking down at the object in your hands.

Your breathing stopped in awe as you beheld the most gorgeous bow you had ever seen.

The metal was a sleek matte black, dimly reflecting the light of the ship back at you.

Inlaid into the metal was a gorgeous swirling design which spread across the arch of the bow. In the centre, where your arrowhead would rest against, a full moon created the focal point of the engraving.

Just like your tattoo.

Din silently extended his hands, and he was holding a matching quiver and arrows. Everything matched the bow, and the same gold design was etched down the body of the arrows. They ended in wickedly sharp, curved heads and just be the feel and weight of them, you knew they were deadly accurate and fast.

Quite simply, it was the most stunning weaponry you’d ever laid your eyes upon.

It was the perfect size for your body, and when you held it up to test the flexibility, it was exactly as you were used to, just like the bow you had lovingly cherished before you lost it on Sorgan.

This had been made purposely for you.

Din had taken your measurement – of course he knew them, - and somehow got every single tiny detail perfect. The string wasn’t too taught or hard to maneuverer. It responded to your touch, exactly as you wanted to.

You lifted your eyes to Din, your expression one of awe and… just simple adoration.

It took you a few tries to speak, finding your throat has closed up a slightly with tears. You cleared it, though your voice remained husky, “Din… This…” You shook your head, no words being strong enough to relay to him how much you loved it, how perfect it was.

Din was fiddling with his vambrace as he watched you, “Do you like it? I hope I got your measurements right… I had it commissioned a few weeks ago and it was only just finished. I… The design is a play on your tattoo.” He audibly swallowed, “If anything isn’t right, we can take it back and get it changed. Or if you don’t like it, you can have something completely new m-”

“Din, shush.” Gazing across the bow, you caressed the design with your fingertips, “It’s… beyond perfect. Truly. I couldn’t have designed it any better myself.” You lifted your eyes back to him, a swelling feeling in your chest, “This must have cost a fortune…”

He shook his head a little, his shoulders relaxing and his hands stilling when he saw how much you truly adored it, “Cara told me that you were discussing your favourite weapons one day… You’d told her that as familiar as you were with knives, you missed your bow.”

Oh, you did. You knew it wasn’t always the most suitable weapon – considering the number of different blasters and rifles that your pursuers used – but sometimes it had allowed you to escape before the fight had even begun. Perched high in a tree, an arrow whistling you the air in deadly silence and then it was over.

And now you had one.

An absolutely stunning one at that.

A soft laugh of delight slipped from your chest and then you were grinning broadly, “Oooh, I can’t wait to use this. You think I’m lethal with a knife, you should see me with one of these.” You nocked one of the arrows, testing the resistance now it was loaded, and you sighted along it, “We have to go play, soon, I beg you.”

Din chuckled adoringly, fully relaxing at your excitement, “Of course...” He watched you quietly for a moment, leaning back against the cabinet. “In Mandalorian culture… giving weapons can sometimes symbolise – well, not all the time but within some households and clans – it can.. uh-“ He lifted a hand like he was going to scratch the back of his neck, another awkward habit that seemed so out of place.

You looked over at him, carefully setting the arrow back in the quiver, “What can it mean?” You kept your voice light and casual, as if you didn’t notice his fumbling.

Din cleared his throat, “It can sometimes mean a marriage proposal.”

The quiver fell to the floor in a rattle of metal that broke through the air.

He was playing you, right?

You stooped to the quiver, carefully scooping the arrows back in, “I – uh.. You mean-“

Din was watching you intently, “It doesn’t always mean it, but some couples present each other with a new weapon to signify their bond. And that they want to spend the rest of their days together.

Blood pulsed through your ears, making your belly feel funny and your bones feel light. “I… I mean, I know a lot has happened between us, and-“

Din suddenly burst out laughing, lifting a hand to his chest like he could try to contain it, but it just kept coming.

Rising back to your feet, you raised your eyebrows at him, confusion etched on your face at the sudden turn of his behaviour.

The laughter poured from his lips like sunshine, stirring your chest out of its confusion and filling it with adoration. “Oh, you should have seen your face.” He tilted his helmet to you, trying to quell his laughter.

You huffed, crossing your arms over your chest, “When we go and use these, remind me to put you in front of a tree.”

Din tried to speak straight through his chuckles, “And why’s that?”

Walking toward him, you poked him in the chest, “So I can use you as target practice, you shiny asshole.” You tried not to laugh, to keep a straight face. The truth was, if you could have bottled his laughter and gotten drunk on it forever, you would have. It was the most beautiful sound you had ever heard, as rare and lovely as a shooting star. And you just knew that this man didn’t often laugh like this, so easily.

His hand snaked around your wrist, gently pressing your palm flat to his chest as he contained his amusement, “I wanted to play with you… It is true, but I didn’t get them for that.” He tilted his head just slightly, “You’re a warrior, and… a goddess. So… you deserve the weapons to match.”

So simple. Such easy words for him to speak, but the meaning and casual pride and care in his voice completely floored you.

You still weren’t used to such compliments and showering’s of affection – you didn’t think you ever would be.

The fact that he had complimented you more in your life than anyone else (save for your parents) had your eyes turning glass again, your throat closing a little as that realisation truly set in.

This man believed in you, saw you, more than anyone.

You gazed up at him, through the visor of his helmet and not for the first time, you had the truly selfish thought, that you wished he could take it off.

So you could show him just how much he meant to you, show him how his words held you above water when you were drowning.

You weren’t good with them, no better than he was really, but you just wished you could show him. He deserved it, to feel those same feelings in return, to be praised and adored for the brilliant man he was.

Din tilted his head further, his thumb running over your knuckles, “What’s going through that magnificent brain of yours, cyar'ika? Tell me…” The soft, low tenor of his voice never failed to skitter over your bones like fire.

You bit your lip, the words tumbling out before you could stop them, “I wish I could kiss you.”

Not even two seconds later, it crashed through your brain just how that sounded, how ungrateful and selfish it came across. Your eyes closed in disgust at yourself and you flushed in shame, “Maker, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry for how that sounded, please believe me, I didn’t-”

Suddenly, Din moved. He leant down and rested the forehead of his helmet on yours.

The metal was cool, the weight of it gently pressing against your skin, shutting you up with the unfamiliar gesture.

Din lifted his other hand to your waist, resting his hand there lightly – respectfully. “Kov'nyn.”

You blinked a few times, “Kov… huh?” You guessed it was Mando’a, but you had no idea what it meant.

His thumb lightly rubbed over your hip bone, sending tiny shockwaves through you, “Kov'nyn.” He used his other hand to gesture at the position you were in, “This is called a keldabe kiss. It can be used in battle, as a headbutt or something but it can also be a show of affection. Mandalorian’s don’t show each other their faces until marriage… so instead we do this. A keldabe kiss.”

You were quiet as you absorbed that, the soft sweetness of the gesture, your head tilted up to Din, and something in you told you he was gazing into your eyes.

It was incredibly intimate too, despite the later of armour separating you.

He couldn’t quite offer you the kiss you meant, but he could give you this. And… this was as good as showing each other the affection you intended.

You didn’t know how long you stood there, his hand lightly on your waist, yours still on his chest but then you started to laugh at something.

He tilted his head slightly against your forehead, “What now?” His voice was light though, curious as to what had tickled you this time.

You grinned cheekily, tapping your fingertips over his chest. “Again with the marriage talk. Are you sure you don’t need to tell me something?”

Din laughed too, that heart-stopping, gorgeous laugh, filling the space with starlight and joy, “No. At least not yet, sweetheart.”

~~~

You gazed down at the comms unit.

The code on the back of Rena’s card had been typed in and staring at you for the last twenty minutes. You were sitting cross-legged in your room, door firmly shut after your wash in the ‘fresher.

Din was in there now; you could hear the echo of the water splashing down.

You were only going to change clothes and go back to the cockpit, but when you’d taken them off, Rena’s card had fallen out and… here you were.

Just call him.

Your thumb hesitated over the call button, nerves whispering through your blood.

Was this a good idea? To ask for help?

There was still the matter of how he knew about you, and how he found you in the first place.

Maybe this isn’t a good idea.

Din would be furious, he doesn’t trust him. He thinks he’s a legend come to life.

True, Din would be so pissed.

But… this wasn’t Din’s decision to make.

It was yours.

Ever since your parents died, you had been running. From hunters, from the law but mostly... from yourself.

You were being stalked and hunted for your powers.

The very thing that you once adored and made you unique, and special, you now viewed as… a burden?

No... that wasn’t it. It was never a burden.

Yes, it sometimes caused you more trouble than it was worth, and you did fear it but… you longed for it.

With every fibre in your being, you wished you could utilise it. To once again make it a part of you and feel the purity of it. The energy that flowed in and around every single living thing, responding and allowing you to manipulate it.

The little experiments you had started to conduct, testing to see if you could control even a small amount… they were making you crave it even more. Even though it terrified you and your nightmare had flashed back in your mind, you had managed to control it this afternoon with Grogu.

Even if it was just a tiny ounce, it had listened to you – like you were one again.

Rena had told you that there was nothing to fear from him. His sister had been gifted with the same abilities.

Din would understand when you explained it to him… but you wanted to at least know more about how to control it. That way, you could tell him and… show him. Show him what you’d been hiding this whole time.

Maybe it was time.

Maybe it was time to stop being scared of it, of who you were.

Maybe it was time to embrace it and become who you were meant to be.

And so, you pressed the call button.

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