#why yes i have an old classic in just your size

[anartificialsatellite]

Hello friends, I am a westerner with radical politics that I've never really examined and I'm looking for position through which to launder my bloodlust while keeping my cred relatively intact, do you have anything like that in stock?

[krysmcscience]

At long last: either an alternate explanation for or continuation of my prior comic regarding how Bill was ABSOLUTELY naked in Ford's karaoke night drawing. (Because errors in art do not exist. Artists do not make mistakes. So if you see any in this comic, No You Do Not.)

I am so normal about these old dorks.

I'm not really clear on exactly when Bill started throwing his desperation book at Ford just like a needy ex do, but I find it extremely funny to imagine it happening literally the day of or after the makeshift funeral. Bill just gets this weird sense of 'Ford is taking steps to move on' and CANNOT FUCKING ABIDE.

I hope you enjoy all the goofy things I added to each page of Bill's sad spieling. (Everything SHOULD be readable so long as you view the full size, but I have added basically this whole little fanfic in the image descriptions, LMAO, which lays out all the little written notes and such.) Also don't ask how Bill managed to sneak that vampire pen in there. I have no idea, and honestly? I don't wanna know.

Oh, and a little bonus comic:

Of course Bill would take it as flirting. Because between the two of them, Bill is the bigger masochist By Far. :)

Also I have continued applying The Good Place logic to any of Bill's attempts to swear. Case in point, one last bonus image, this time with a motivational line from my slapdash Theraprism OC, EV-01:

Yes, its name is just 'love' backwards. No, I will not be taking any feedback on this. Yes, EV-01 was only ever assigned to Bill's case due to the Theraprism being desperate to make some progress in rehabilitating him. No, it did not work anywhere close to staff's expectations - Bill didn't even appreciate EV-01's matching fondness for bowties! (He claimed the fondness to be "cultural appropriation" and insisted he'd been traumatized by it.)

Anyway, if you like my stuff, reblogs are very much appreciated, and if you really really like it, perhaps consider my commissions or yeeting a teeny tiny tip my way? I am trying to recoup over 500 dollars in vet bills, ahaha... 🙃

In other news, I loved all the fun tags people added to the prior naked-karaoke comic (such as 'the hat and bow-tie stay ON during sex' and the classic '[insert keysmash here]', as well as the many amused/bewildered remarks about how I either made the bricks a piece of clothing or just straight up peeled Bill's skin off). However, I think my favorite thing by far was the several people losing their shit over the fact that I gave Bill toes. Like, excuse me? The magical talking triangle can have fingers but not toes??? Since when was that a rule????? 🤣 (Also the one person who reblogged with the cropped panel where Bill's fishnets pants are falling off to ask why Bill peed himself. Dude, I want to examine your brain...?)

Okie-dokie, I'm sick of looking at all of this stuff now and I'm off to go to work, after which I will either scribble some more goofy "Billford" comics or perhaps draw my lame human!Bill in Situations, idk yet. Maybe I'll even finally draw more than just a single other person's human!Bill...? Who knows, but I sure hope I can mix it up a little and not turn whatever I draw into a month-long fukken project. >:\

[thatdeadaquarius]

About your language brainrot. I see your "Reader's writing can't match tyvat's long and flowery writing" and bring you "Tyvat isn't used to books over 50 pages long so a short story to the Reader is a whole dictionary to tyvat readers".

Seriously, have you seen how thin the books are? They don't wrote novels, they write short chapters formatted in the way really old stories are. As in, summarizing all the events down into one smooth story then adding a few quotes. Fanfiction writers are insane. They will willingly sit down and write hundreds of words at a time. To them, a proper modern day story of maybe, oh 10k words or so, would probably be like the Oddessy itself.

If we were to combine the two headcanons. It would end up as many historians being intimidated by this insanely long written scripture in the language of the forgotten.

I'm going to take this a step further and say that if the creator asked some people to proofread their things, it would establish a hiarchy of who is able to actually finish the book the creator read and who isn't.

NOW THIS, THIS IS MY FUCKING JAMMMM

I'm so sorry this is so old!! u probably all know this by this point that I've really slowed down as the year has gone on, but I graduated university and then got my first job so its been pretty crazy!

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: dash of all the book/nerds of Genshin, heavy on Sumeru?

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Cussing, 16+ Mature Audiences, Spoliers for Sumeru Archon Quests/Scaramouche, & Trigger Warnings: mention of shipping/characters shipping themselves with you.

Comment if any missed, please.

☆

FULL STOP.

THE AKADEMIYA, FONTAINE RESEARCH INSTITUTE, HAVE BEEN WAITTTINNGGGG ON YOUR ASS LMAO

You fall from the fucking sky like a 5 star, or pop out of the Irminsul or whatever

and immediately are mobbed by scholars. LMAO jkjk (not really, bc that's what it’d feel like)

can you even imagine the dread older stories(”the classics” to them), that was instilled in the poor students around Teyvat??

id like to think ur works are the most preserved over the thousands of years of Teyvat archeologists excavating them, in comparison to other authors (teyvat just likes you more, suck it William Shakespeare)

also, bc I cant resist language differences/world building I'm sorryyyy 😭 😭

the vocab of Genshin lang vs. ours, has significantly less vocabulary like their actual dictionary is 1/3 the size of ours type of energy

(Omfg all ur fanfics being considered like insanely long realistic romantic classics or tragedies like Jane Austen-level, and only the richest and biggest play companies put on plays about ur stories bc the script goes on for hours)

(ur plays only get put on for rlly big events bc of this, like Lantern Rite or like a Summer/Winter festival/your birthday, which is, yes, an international holiday)

dude the sheer power move of anything you’ve written being essentially “Journey of the West” to them, like Damnnn.

endless like adaptations, plays, Teyvat-short stories condensing it, (THEIR OWN FANFICTION ABOUT UR STORIES)

the power is, in fact, going to your head every time another scholar both deflates at how long ur stuff is, but also lights up bc they get to read it

speaking of scholars… you know who snatched you up first. you know. you don’t even need to read the next line.

Alhaitham.

sneaky bastard he is, absolutely manipulated, mansplained (and manwhored bc he knows he’s handsome, cheeky little shit) his way into getting you to sit down with him and interview you about both translating other classics, your own, giving your own analysis of others works and ur own, and picking ur brain apart of how/why you wrote urs, etc. its fucking endless,

Kaveh had to come rescue you bc u were starving to death after getting stuck with the Haravatat scholar in his office for nearly 7 hours of interrogation discussion about literature

and Alhaitham wasn't even nearly done, he’d informed you as you left that he already had another appointment for later conversation scheduled (how?? you don't even know ur own schedule??? you have a schedule???) and was looking forward to more of your “creative and enlightening input” :)))

(you’re never going to escape him, not even Nahida herself can save you from his stubborn ass)

On another note, Xingqiu is quaking when you agree to autograph his copy of your stories (of which he has all hard covers of the first edition translations)

Zhongli/Rex Lapis is known for having a near-lifelong passion for searching for your works specifically, and learning how to translate them better into Teyvatian vernacular

like the same way he can absolutely speak on Rex Lapis facts/rocks/adepti info, is the same confidence he speaks about knowing ur work lol

(yes he did also ask for several autographs and another sit-down talk about the works, tho a lot more sneaky then Alhaitham bc he just casually gets u guys into it during dinner)

Barbatos/Venti has written some of the most famous songs based on your stuff, he has his favorites too,

but he always claims the best songs are any that have been written in the story, like either when a character sings something, or there are like quotes from songs ur fanfics are based on lol

(he also demanded to hear what they actually sound like from you, yes, you have to sing them for him lol)

Venti also can surprisingly drunkenly ramble the entirety of at least one of ur stories, like, word for word lmao

(Diluc gave in and did give him a drink on the house for that one, just once, Venti doesn’t remember it lol)

(I forgot to mention, u guys still speak the same language, just like, different versions of it)

ur works being one of the few things all the Archons can freely talk about with each other, like it’s neutral ground bc they’re all fangirling about it lmao

Furina and Neuvillette have had like,, fierce debates over the decades about character dynamics and the general drama of ur stories, they’ve gotten into it enough they’ve stopped talking to each other for a couple days a few times lol

Albedo, Sucrose, Kokomi, Yae Miko, Ei, Raiden, have read every single work they’re gotten their hands on in Teyvat (it took them like a literal year or longer)

Albedo drew you fanart for every single story, bc he’s hyperfixated on everything related to you ngl,

Kokomi had commissioned smaller pocket versions of ur works (which later got popular thanks to Yae Miko) both the OG and the Teyvat shortened versions

THE HARBINGERS ARE THE MOST DOWN BAD LMAO

Childe has literally tried to recreate battle scenes from ur works lmao

and gets especially riled up about fighting someone who resembles any characters from them (esp villains, what a cutie)

You cannot fathom the amount of research throughout Teyvat that has been secretly or indirectly funded by Pantalone/Tsaritsa

from the experts to analyze them, to funding play companies to act them out, to actually excavating places to get more of ur stuff unearthed

(the Harbingers absolutely are the first group of people that got to read several of ur stories first bc of this, like the world’s most exclusive secret book club lol)

Scaramouche used to clown on Childe all the time about how he was too impatient to even “sit down and read the King’s classics”, and he was downright insufferable when he found out about Tartaglia’s habit of recreating battle scenes/that being what motivated him to fight sometimes lol

that being said, Wanderer surprisingly never forgot ur stories.

Even when his memories were wiped for a bit, he found comfort in these fantastical epics still sticking around, even when his old names did not

(he mayyyy or mayyy nottt have secretly namedhimselfafteroneofthetragicprotagonistsherelatesto- )

oh btw, Nahida also found joy and comfort in ur stories when she was trapped, they also helped her literally grow as a person bc she had ur stories to help her sort of process the world/what life was like outside of her dreaming prison 🥺💔❤️‍🩹

◇

OMFG

ANYWAY FULL TONE SHIFT LMFAO-

the ABSOLUTE SPIRAL-RED-STRING-CONSPIRACY-THEORY-BOARD ENERGY IF THIS WAS A BLUNT LANGUAGE AU LMAOOOO

like specifically how Teyvatians like to give all the context ever thru their words, but older deities/beings like you just do simple phrases that can have deeper meanings (whereas teyvat just explains all the meanings behind their words)

STOP there’s like an official display at the Akademiya and Fontaine Institute of red string theory boards 😭😭 (look what you’ve done to themmm LMAO)

for like every story of urs, INCLUDING THE FANFICS STOP

IMAGINE THE SHIPPING WARS IF U EVER WROTE ONE THAT WASNT EXPLICIT OR LIKE ONE OF THE MAIN ROMANTIC INTERESTS HAD CHEMISTRY WITH OTHER CHARACTERS HAHAHAHAA

that's actually what Akademiya scholars argue about the most viciously, it’s like politics you can’t just bring up ships from ur stories casually in regular convos 💀

(poor Cyno has to deal with a shipping war once a year bc someone always makes the mistake of reading ur work for the first time (without being told to not talk to others abt ships lol) and it starts an all out brawl in the cafeteria every time LMAO)

Also yes.

Cyno is a fanboy.

(he has read Creator x Reader-insert fanfiction.)

(As have most of the characters mentioned, and those not lol)

…

(I'm gonna make a whole Creator x reader fanfic post one day i stg lmao)

☆

an iced coffee? for me?? :0

ok but real talk…

wtf do you guys wanna see for new years!!

i didn't do a inktober/october days thingy bc i felt too unprepared (and bc id wanted to post that 1000+ followers eldritch au for Halloween)

but now i kinda wanna, at least for a few days :o

ill post a poll in a minute, so check it out!! but still, please feel free to comment some ideas here! :)

Safe Travels Deafening Dreamer,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily

[johnbrand]

First Session

As a therapist, Jay understood that trust was key, that was why he was currently lounging back into the fainting couch as his client entered the room. Fairly short, pudgy, and deemed “hardly enticing” by an ex-boyfriend, Jay knew he did not come off as intimidating. But this trick of letting his client play the therapist-role during their first session had yet to fail him. So as he watched the tall, young, muscular male approach, Jay’s confidence did not once sway.

“Doctor?” the client’s voice held arrogance and lacked maturity.

“Michael,” Jay extended a hand, noting a smirk emerging from Michael’s face as his meaty mitt enveloped the therapist’s. While the jock was dressed in the local university’s gear, Jay was currently displaying one of his finest suits. “Jay will do just fine.”

“Alright, Jay,” Michael replied, testing it out. “Where would you like me to sit?”

I ushered him to the chair: “For our first session, I like to have clients take on my role. Learn more about me, get to know my background. Trust is a two-way street after all.”

A cocky weight befell the jock’s tone. “So I can ask about anything?”

Jay nodded. Michael took a moment before continuing, “Well I can see why you went into this line of work. The kinds of people you cure must trust an attractive guy like you to fix them.” 

Jay was not sure how to respond. For a second he wondered if Michael was trying to deploy some sort of superiority tactic. But Jay was being too hard on himself. He had fostered his share of boyfriends over the years. His sharp, angular face was typically enough to at least get his clients' attention. Maybe Jay’s pretty privilege did help him with his work.

“You’ll have to share your workout plan with me too. You look better than half the guys on the team,” Michael added.

Jay felt a little uncomfortable. Had he ever visited a gym before? Sure his body looked great. The chiseled abs and wide shoulders gave his torso a very athletic shape. But it felt strange to admit that Jay worked out that much, even if he could recall countless memories going to the gym and exercising. Jay took a moment to refocus back onto his client. If Michael really wanted to know his routine for a great body, he would be happy to oblige.

“I guess guys our size have to be this big, right? We were practically born for the brawn.” Jay smiled politely at Michael, his eyeline adjusting momentarily. He was probably right though, being 6’3 meant either being skinny as a rail or built like a bull, and Jay preferred the latter. “It’s great that you dress as casually as you are too, it really reflects that personality.”

“To be honest, formal options for guys our size are just way too expensive. Even for me.” Jay chuckled, flashing his signature white teeth framed by a perfect beard. It is also a great way to flex my physique, Jay thought inwardly. His short-sleeved button-down left nothing to the imagination, with meaty arms stretching the seams and the tops of his hairy pecs leading the viewer down towards his ample crotch. Venturing further, one could trace Jay's thick, long legs all the way down to his sizable bare feet. “If I wouldn’t have known any better, Michael, I would have thought that was a compliment.”

“Bet you get those a lot from your clients,” Michael grinned. “The fags probably love spending time alone with a real man.”

Jay paused, his interest suddenly alerted. “What do you mean by that?”

Michael’s response reeked of innocence. “Oh, sorry I thought you were a therapist-”

“I am.” Jay's interruption was firm.

“-a conversion therapist,” Michael finished with a snarl. “Isn’t it your job to bring those sissies back to manhood. Classic, old-fashioned masculinity? I'd think you'd be pretty proud of it too.”

Jay remained still for a moment, frozen. Then, as if the answer had magically appeared, he replied: “Yes, you are correct, and I have yet to have anything but success. Although judging by this session, it appears you will not be added to that list.”

Michael chuckled, “So those studies really did allow you to sniff out a proper alpha. I’m really here just to scout you out, get your vibe before sending a classmate of mine your way. He needs to be ‘straightened out,’ if you catch my drift.”

“I’d be happy to,” Jay’s brilliant smile appeared once more, now broadcasting a more sinister, malicious bite.

Michael rose, “Good, I’ll be in contact with you shortly.”

“Thank you for your time, Michael.” The therapist did not get up from his position, instead cockily adjusting himself into a more enticing, predatory pose. “On your way out, would you mind sending the next client in?”

“I’d be more than happy too.”

[star-sim]

california dreamin' ☆ jay park

☆ non-idol! jay x fem! reader ☆ summary: in the final months of your relationship, jay reminisces the taste of beach waves, southern california, and you. ☆ genre: fluff, angst (ish), 80's au + timeskip, this is set in southern california, classic rich boy x alt girl ☆ warning(s)? brief mentions of poor parenting ☆ word count: 1.6k words ☆ this is my entry for @flwrstqr and @cupidhoons polaroid love event! based off of "california dreamin" by the mamas and papas, love the retro cali aesthetic

"Do you want to run away with me?"

Jay pulled the salted caramel apple lollipop away from his lips, the sour taste lingering on his tongue as its crystalline texture rolled against his tastebuds. His brows crashed together.

"What?" he eyed you quizzically, but you kept your eyes trained on the deep blue water that swayed against the coast.

"It's obvious that we're not wanted here," you said plainly.

Jay sucked in a sharp breath, his hand jerking out to clutch your shoulder. "That's not—"

"There's no point in denying it," you shot him a look. Your next words came out wry and bored, almost like you're annoyed, but Jay could tell that you were feeling the exact opposite. "You know damn well that your parents couldn't care less about you, and my old man's always too busy to remember whether or not I left the house."

The corner of your lips quirk up, a dry grin spreading across your face as you reached across to smack Jay's arm playfully. "No one will notice if we're gone."

Words bled onto his tongue, threatening to spill out, but Jay held them in. 

After all, you were correct.

Jay met you in the summer of 1987. You were both sixteen, and Jay recognized you from his sophomore chemistry class— how could he miss your smudged eyeliner and black nail polish? The difference this time was that you were the cashier at the surf shop next to his dad's private beach.

Maybe it was the way you chewed pink bubblegum boredom, giving him a deadpan expression as he spluttered out your name, or maybe it was the fact that even in ninety degree Southern California weather, you still managed to wear a black bikini top with skulls and rhinestones on it, but Jay found himself frequenting that surf shop a little too much that summer.

Yes, it was his fourth time coming into this surf shop in one afternoon. 

Yes, he didn't need to take his time looking at each and every shell necklace on the display next to the cash register. 

Yes, he knew all about surfboards and most definitely did not need to ask for your assistance.

Yes, he knew that you were staring at the water droplets rolling down his chest as he ran his hand through his wet hair, his sun-kissed skin glistening under the golden sunlight.

Yes, he knew was staring at your bikini top, but any man in his position would do the same. 

And yes, he knew that you knew that he knew this.

That didn't stop Jay, though.

If there was something that his absent father was able to do for him, it was to teach him to never have shame. That's why Jay shamelessly walked into that surf shop every day, just to see you.

It took a few (multiple) tries before you agreed to go on a date with him. He brought you flowers, necklaces, rings, handbags, all kinds of luxury items, but you ignored him each time. 

It wasn't until Jay noticed the bracelet on your wrist— it had a frayed tassel and seashells of different sizes, some of them chipped and others burned by the sun— that he realized what he should bring you instead of expensive gifts.

Alas, a clumsily-made bracelet composed of mismatched seashells that was just a little too big for your wrist. When Jay presented it to you, a proud grin on his face, it must have been the first time that he'd ever seen you smile.

Since the summer of 1987, you and Jay agreed to keep your relationship secret, because people always had stuff to say. You were going strong, and what made summer the best was that you could freely love your boyfriend without the pondering eyes of your peers.

Two years later, it was the summer of 1989, and you and Jay were now sitting on the ledge before the beach. In a few weeks, summer would end, and you and Jay would be apart. But this time, apart for longer than you'd ever been. You were staying in California for university, but Jay's parents were sending him out of state.

Soon, it would be autumn, and you would have to say goodbye to not just Jay crawling through your bedroom window, sneaking out to the local beachside diner, slipping love notes into each other's lockers, and making out behind the bleachers, but also running your fingers through his chlorine-bleached hair and feeling the warmth of Jay's body as the two of you napped in the sun.

Jay looked at your face. Under the orangey sunset, he could see the light reflecting off your eyes. With the scent of peach in the air, and the glow of your skin, Jay's chest felt heavy.

How could he possibly leave you? How could he leave you when you tasted like California?

Yeah, it would be hard to say goodbye to you.

It would be hard to say goodbye to you, and nobody else.

Jay's eyes fell to the bandaid on your palm.

He knew you'd think the same about him.

There was a reason that you and Jay got on so well.

For one, it seemed like Jay was the last thing on his parent's to-do list. His only purpose was to carry on the family name and live out their legacy. But if neglecting their son and being absent in his life was their legacy, he didn't want any part in it. There was a reason that Jay spent every day of summer at the beach, not at home.

As for you, Jay hated your dad. He'd never forget all the times you ran to him, tears and smudged eyeliner running down your cheeks. You insisted that you were okay, but Jay had to bite his tongue so hard that he bled to keep his mouth shut.

In a few weeks, Jay will be the Park family's heir studying out-of-state, and you'll be you from California. 

But for now, it was just Jay and you, sharing a lollipop at the beach, basking in the humid night air and listening to the waves.

You gave him another sly grin. You repeated your question. "Do you want to run away with me?"

You always liked to smile like that when you were upset about something; it was your way of concealing your feelings, but Jay knew you better than anyone.

Jay's thought about running away before. Many times, actually. And he's thought about running away hand-in-hand with you more times than he could remember.

Jay slid his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer to him. He pressed his lips to your forehead.

"You know we can't," he said against your forehead, though the way that he held you close said otherwise.

"Says who?" you hummed, resting your head on his strong shoulders, taking in the scent of seaweed, sea salt, and Jay's faint cologne. 

Jay stayed silent. He knew that answer to that question. 

Says no one.

"Seeeee?" you dragged your syllable, a cute lilt in your voice. You slithered your arm around Jay's torso, poking his side. "Nothing— no one— is stopping us."

Jay chuckled, squeezing your waist twice. "Where would we go if we ran away?"

With you gently clutching his jaw, pressing wet kisses along his skin, you breathed, "Anywhere we want."

You cupped his cheek. In the winter, his skin was paler, but in the summer he was a golden honey tan. His cheeks, as a result of being in the sun nearly every day for the past three months, were littered with blotches of brown, red, and pink. With a gentle finger, you slowly dragged it against his skin, connecting each blemish to each other with invisible lines.

"What about Houston?" Jay rasped, leaning into your touch. "I know you've always wanted to go there."

"Well, where do you want to go?"

Jay thought for a moment. "Either up north to Seattle— or maybe London— What about NYC?."

You stared at him quizzically, your eyes narrowing and your lips turned downward; you always did that when you were hiding something. 

"What?" Jay nudged you.

"I dunno," you shrugged. "I feel like those places are just so uncharacteristic for you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You shrugged again, your bottom lip jutting out. "I thought you were a sunshine typa guy." Your eyes flickered up to him. "All those places are so gloomy."

"I mean," your boyfriend sucked in a sharp breath. "I guess. Maybe I just want some change. California is beautiful, but...."

He trailed off.

"But?"

"I want to explore more, yanno? Get to know places outside of California."

You didn't press any further.

The rest of the night was quiet, only the taste of disappointment, longing, and the salted caramel apple lollipop lingering on your tongues.

This was all but a memory to Jay.

He gazed outside the window, tuning out the voice of yet another woman in his living room.

Jay ended up studying in Seattle, just as his parents had wanted. It's been years since he left California. Him and you ended up breaking up on good terms for the sake of distance, and he eventually lost contact with you. He met a few other women, tried out dating them, but it never ended up working out.

There was no place else like California.

It seemed like everywhere else, all the leaves were brown, and the sky was gray. Dreary, gloomy, and full of clouds, so unlike the sunny and golden California.

It took Jay a long time to realize that the reason he longed for California again was not because of the constant smell of sunscreen or sound of synth music pervading the streets. It wasn't the laughter that seemed to bounce off the walls or the vibrant color-grade over every memory in his mind.

He longed for California because he longed for you.

You were California. 

And for a while, he'd be dreaming of California. 

[octuscle]

Hey im really confused and need some help from suport.

So im a male actor/ model and things have been really tough in the industry lately with the strikes and all so i was over the moon when a clothing brand reached out to me. But the wierd thing is this brand does not really catter to ny estetic. I usualy get jobs from high end luxury brands, but this company is a street wear blue collar clothing brand. I went to a meeting and gave me a out fit of a thick t-shirt, carpenters jeans, a flannle shirt, work boots, and a jock strap. All of them a size or more to bog for me. They also gave me a dinged up old cell phone. Then then told me to get comferable in thecloths and show up to the abandand site the next morning at the crack of dawn for the shoot. Im feeling realky weird and hungeryer then i ever been in my life. Please help.

The bag with the clothes for the photo shoot is in the trunk of your VW Beetle overnight. Cute little car. It's already got a few years under its belt. But still drives well. And that's all you can afford at the moment. You also need the money from this job. Otherwise you'll have to part with this car too. That's why you're so excited about the job. You're not sleeping very well. And normally you would go for an hour's run after getting up. But today you're hungry after a restless night. A huge appetite. You make yourself a large portion of scrambled eggs and bacon. You didn't even know you had so many eggs in the house. Yeah, that was good. Now the day can begin. You put on a white button-down shirt, plain Calvin Klein jeans and white sneakers and walk to your car at 05:00 in the morning. Yes, the Mustang is a bit rusty. But it's a classic. It suits you. It makes you feel a bit like James Dean.

Shit, you've left your iPhone in the apartment. But there's still the old Cat phone in the bag with the clothes. You type in the address and turn on the speaker. Looking at your hands, you're annoyed that you haven't had a manicure. You have hands like a construction worker.

One disadvantage of your Mustang is that it consumes an incredible amount of gas. You have to refuel halfway to the photo shoot. And take a shit. Hehehe, if you eat a lot in the morning, you have to shit a lot. And you're hungry again. It's almost 07:00 already. So you fill up at the next service station and then eat a burger with a large portion of fries. Your white T-shirt has a few ketchup stains and slips out of your old 501 over your belly, but now you feel good again. Your cell phone says there are only 50 miles to go. A stone's throw for your mighty pickup. The only thing you need before you arrive on the set of the shoot are cigars. Fuck, you left yours at home too. Luckily, you pass a tobacconist's just before you leave for the abandoned industrial site. The photo shoot is scheduled for two days, so ten cigars should be enough.

You are a star model in the workwear scene. You're actually a crane operator, but you can always use a little extra money. Besides, there's usually a lot to fuck on the set of the shoots. Photographers, marketing hipsters and the effeminate professional models love your huge cock. Your cigar is tiny in comparison.

[kimyoonmiauthor]

Worldbuilding: Governments and Social Organization

So, again, relying on Mr. D's classes from High School, Mr. B's classes on world history, My classes from American history, and Anthropology classes, I'm doing a rough rundown, cross correlating with subsistence systems and telling you...

DID YOU MAKE A MAP YET? MAKE A MAP. I HAVE TUTORIALS< BOTH GRAPHICAL AND GEOGRAPHY. MAKE A MAPPPPP. What? Only of one continent? No, make a map OF THE ENTIRE THING. Geopolitical and trade will shape a lot of how your governments and people/creatures will interact. If you're arguing with me that you don't need to, let me reiterate back to you about the silk road, that Homo Erectus traveled and did trade across large distances, and you're arguing to me that homo sapiens sapiens are less evolved than Homo Erectus and will not travel, and that a CULTURE you are building has NO cooperation? Oh, c'mon. How is it a culture then?

I'd highly recommend you go through the basics of at least geography, subsistence [link] and economics, if you want to create a government. A government is regulation over culture as well as a product of it. This is why it's always near to last in classes. You need to understand everything else before you can understand government.

Some Basics:

This series is pretty good run down on ideas of politics. He goes over ranked voting too.

And I'd also recommend the old classics of 26 Strategems, The Art of War and The Prince by Machiavelli.

Types of Socio-Cultural Integration

Bands

A loose group of people usually anywhere from 5 to 30-50 people. There is no ranking in a band, everyone is equal. There might be an elder that tells where people need to go, but one can separate from the band at will without great friction.

Examples (Historical?) Kung! (Africa).

https://www.britannica.com/topic/band-kinship-group#:~:text=band%2C%20in%20anthropology%2C%20a%20notional,care%20for%20children%20and%20elders.

Tribes

An organized group of people based on mostly family groups by descent. These groups are mostly horticultural or pastoral. The tribal leader will often need charisma in order to keep their position. The leader is often called a "Big Man" https://socialsci.libretexts.org/Bookshelves/Anthropology/Cultural_Anthropology/Cultural_Anthropology_(Saneda)/02%3A_Social_Institutions/2.06%3A_Political_Organizations

Chiefdoms

These are usually ranked with a social hierarchy. These usually do horticulture or agriculture. See previous link for more details.

States

Usually a stratified society that claims an area of land as their own that does either transitional agriculture, agriculture or industrialization. There are rich and poor in this system.

Types of Political Integration

Egalitarian means that people within the political organization are seen as mostly equal.

Ranked means there are some differences in power and access to power within the political organization.

Stratification means that it is near to impossible to rise out of the political organization because identities, etc are told to be more or less worthy.

How Socio-Cultural Integration and Political Integration corresponds to Subsistence Systems

Forager

The government type are bands.

Bands are a group of people, usually a family group that can be of any size. from a few individuals to 500.

Bands follow patterns of food, so may follow seasonal migratory rules.

The case study usually given in Anthropology classes are Kung!

Sometimes bands can also be more settled in an areas in the contemporary age.

Migratory groups are often hated by Agricultural groups. Sometimes these are called informally "troupes"

One thing that's important to note is that foragers do have a sense of copyright. So yes, plagiarism and copyriht don't disappear just because you have a more informal system.

Bands are called in Anthropology "egalitarian" meaning that everyone does equal share of the labor, despite gender, etc.

The biggest feature of bands is that a person can leave them if they dislike the group. Also, in bands of this type, it's really hard to start warfare, but it's also equally more difficult to make permanent structures.

I should note that anthropology does not state you can't figure out the existence of such groups either from the record–which might be what you're thinking. Fire pits, bone piles, and evidence for well-tread paths can show this sort of thing. And hominins, in general, can be traced back as using fire way back when.

https://www.britannica.com/topic/band-kinship-group#:~:text=band%2C%20in%20anthropology%2C%20a%20notional,care%20for%20children%20and%20elders.

Rich Forager

These can be Bands, or Chiefdoms.

Usually the social organization type is called "ranked"

Horticulture

Usually only chiefdoms. May occasionally result in a confederation of chiefdoms as well.

Agriculture

Stratified

State

Industrialist

Stratified

State

So the higher the social organization, the more likely there will be disparity in wealth and a loss of rights for a given group. The scape goat group if you'd like.

Right-Left Ideology

Is specifically French, though it's spread elsewhere. It's useful to think carefully about this.

Radical, left moderate, moderate, moderate right, reactionary

Image credit: https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/luc/2009/11/rethinking-political-ideologies/

This is the chart that one of my teachers, Mr. Bailey drew for me probably Ninth grade class on Governments. That said, people confuse reactionary and radical as governmental terms.

If you want more detail on political ideology I'd read on:

https://blogs.baruch.cuny.edu/luc/2009/11/rethinking-political-ideologies/

Since it's evolved since then, and it's good to think about more ways to think on a problem.

But if you want to faff around and procrastinate you can take this quiz for each of your characters.

https://www.politicalcompass.org/test

A Basic List of governments

Of course there is...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_forms_of_government

But it mixes Tribes with Chiefdoms which isn't the same thing and gets it wrong. (Doesn't have a reference.

Here: https://laulima.hawaii.edu/access/content/user/millerg/ANTH_151/Anth151Unit2/TribesChiefdoms.html

And its missing things like a gerontocracy. This was found in places like Sparta.

And the really cool Witan System from early Britain--where lineage passed through King's brother.

I listed the ones that Anthropologists tend to focus on, but I think instead of copy-pasting, one can do a mix and match, because often in real life it is messier than it is on academic paper.

For example, in Great Britian, There is a monarch, who sorta holds power, and then there are Nobles who inherit the position--that's the upper house, but there is also the lower house which is elected.

These are not the same system of government into one, are they?

These are Monarchy, appointed council, and a representative democracy.

But there is also Jury duty, which is none of these. It's a Demarchy, which BTW, was Athens (for those paying attention in class) though it was a mixed system as well. (and limited because ot everyone could be a part of it.)

This means you need to figure out the system of government, who can participate in it (by age limits and social stratification), and if you have different systems going at once, how they work. who has the better of whom, and why.

Some things people get wrong about Fascism

I am not pro fascist, by a long shot. In the political spectrum, I'm more liberal than Gandhi. However, I think it's fair to go over what fascism is and isn't and why it was so seductive for so many *checks* White suffragettes. Ah, yes, the people who wanted to give women freedom also wanted to go back and take it all away.

The basic story of fascism is also an exercise into understand how governments also gain and lose support.

Fascism was pro-middle class and through this, this is why a lot of middle class women fell for it.

"Pawns for Fascism—Our Lower Middle Class

REINHOLD NIEBUHR"

Characteristics of Fascism:

And the US, UK, Canada, NZ and Australia are...

Representative democracy with a social capitalist system. Partial representative democracy at that due to stratification.

How to be more creative with your political systems

Straight Monarchy is boring. !@#$ Feudal Monarchy without twists is even more boring. Copy-pasting your government system without actually understanding it is just lazy. Fine, maybe your world doesn't really concentrate on these things and you don't want to think about it, but this is Science Fiction gold and ways to make alien races seem more incredible. (Though I'm still sick of the OMG, they sacrifice on an alien planet and can't figure out the advanced tech they have on it in a fit of repurposed saviorism)

Prison System

You do not have to have an insitutionalized prison system that oddly looks a lot like slavery. You have magic, advanced science, etc. PLAY with the morality. This is like 95% of Historical, SF and Fantasy~~? C'mon.

But. but Medieval Europe--unless your world is literally Medieval Europe, you do not have to do all of the torture, hangings, beheadings, burnings, crushings that Medieval Europe did.

As said earlier, how are you going to combine systems that seem so different, and then get them to work together? Maybe your country is so old, that the family unit works on a Matriarchy, but your government works on a Patriarchy. How do the citizens justify that to themselves, versus the real reasons behind it?

Governments Lie

History is retconned and lied about ALL of the time, so think about how the government is legitimizing itself to the people. (yes, we're getting into the political theory of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_contract )

What is its propaganda machine?

That government had nuclear bombs and will kill us all?

That country attacked us which is the excuse we need to enter WWII

But we rescued South Korea from Communism and didn't crush the unions there and set up sex slavery camps.

But women are too weak to understand law and should be doing much easier tasks like giving birth to children.

Figure out where your government is lying, telling the truth, stretching the truth to give maybe the elites what they want.

How is the past being told?

Who got to write the history and why did they get to write it? How much of the history was censored, banned, or otherwise forgotten? Are there methods of storing it? Who gets to learn the history and hand it down?

Judicial System

Often the Judicial system is a court system which is like a jury or a judge and then they are sent off to prison for an amount of time and tortured, often in a prison without a toilet (effing, damn, where is the chamberpot in any of those historical, SF or Fantasy movies? Are you that inhumane? Give the people a toilet?)

But you can be more creative with this one too. YOU have MAGIC and advanced tech and you can't think of ANYTHING you could do to try to find out the truth and then maybe find ways to screw it all up because of a loophole?

Laws

Laws often:

• Go out of date.

As in the reason for them no longer exists.

https://www.tehachapinews.com/lifestyle/ride-the-winds-strange-outdated-horse-laws/article_b56f537d-0909-5cff-9614-7acb1a36a7a9.html

Here are a bunch about horses...

• Are sometimes for obvious things.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/did-the-people-of-middles_b_7129084

There were laws for not throwing out your excrements out of windows, for example.

Laws for buckling your seatbelt.

Wearing a helmet on a bike.

• Can seem mind numbingly WTF level.

https://www.tasteofhome.com/collection/we-found-weird-laws-about-food-from-every-state/

https://www.thelawyerportal.com/blog/unbelievably-weird-laws-in-america-that-still-exist/

• Are always in *reaction* to something someone did back in time that pissed everyone off.

https://www.latimes.com/california/story/2022-10-04/berkeley-anti-karen-law-discriminatory-911-calls-illegal-caren-act

Such as the anti-Karen laws.

• In a Democracy are incredibly slow to be ratified and then eventually implemented.

2018, the term Karen was around, but it wasn't until 2022, the law was ratified.

You know I was going to post this one, didn't you?

• Have no guarantee of being enforced.

https://www.legalzoom.com/articles/top-craziest-laws-still-on-the-books

• Aren't always agreed upon

Abortion for example.

• Aren't always well-known by the general public.

Do you know any of the new laws passed or on the floor in the last few months? Years? Often laws need publicity.

So if you're making up rules to govern society, you can always consider if you should make them all pratical to your characters--which are they challenging, which give them a headache, which do they wish were enforced? And what are they doing about it or not doing about it? Are there laws long overdue to be made, or are there ones passed and enforced suddenly they want to challenge?

You might think this is a minor thing, but I think also, often TV shows and the like make it too tidy and too much like our world. I mean, Gulliver's Travels, anyone? There were a ton of silly laws in that book.

Conclusion

Basically I'm begging you to do something more creative than a straight Monarchy. Have mixed system. Have governments within governments.

Have people who might Iunno, be nomads who have a council of elders. (Gerontocracy Oligarchy) but live under the thumb of a government that refuses to recognize/oppresses them.

Maybe the people that judge everyone are appointed to the position.

Maybe the meritocracy is broken?

Maybe it a mediocracy?

Maybe it's a mediacracy?

I'm asking you to make it engaging if you're focusing on it. Also, there are such things as transitional governments where the point of the story is to debate and think and philosophize about the best system of government.

After you create ALL of that. Your job as a writer is to tear the whole thing down and show its flaws. And that is great political writing right there.

Last little thing, again, I'd say read Sun Tzu's the Art of War and Machiavelli's Prince. If you can stomach Samuel Adams, Jean Jacques Rousseau, etc I'd also read those political theorists. (I con't with Kant though... spelling intentional).

Three more to go in this series. Ah... the clothing one is going to be tricky since I'm limited to 30 images...

[dizzymisslizzie]

Casual Friday

Henry’s luggage is somewhere over the pacific going in the complete wrong direction.

He fantasizes that this would never happen to someone with a private jet.

The heat of LA is overwhelming in his trousers and sweater. His carry-on is a Burberry weekender that has his meds, toiletries and a few books. He’s going to have a buy a whole weeks worth of clothes.

He’s being picked up from airport by his new publisher. He’s on the curb and realizes that he didn’t pass the typical dark suited person holding a sign with his name. He’s looking around and opens his rapidly dying phone to call his contact, Zahra. Before he can type out the message, a red open jeep screeches to a halt in front him. After the dust settles, Henry sees brown curls, a sharp jaw cresting into a chin dimple, a perfect nose holding up aviator sunglasses that reflect Henry’s hapless expression. The curls are cut short but he’s imagining them longer and draped over his shoulder as… wait - is the most attractive man he’s ever seen walking towards him?

“Fox?” The southern drawl that comes out is honey smooth and adorable. He nods and this seems to amuse the gorgeous human who smirks and takes off his aviators. When he pulls the sunglasses off his face Henry notices his sinfully long fingers that he wants to suck into his mouth.

“Is that all you brought?” Adonis asks Henry who still hasn’t said a word. He shakes his head, “The airline lost my luggage.”

“So you need to go shopping?” Eros asks Henry who barely trusts himself to speak so he just nods. The brown eyes of Adonis sparkle and Henry isn’t sure why.

“Well then, Sweetheart. I’ve got just the place. Hop in. Oh! I’m Alex!” Henry’s fucked. “Hi, I’m Henry.”

“Oh I know, let’s get a move on.” Alex winks and takes Henry’s bag from his shoulder and stores it in the jeep.

A short drive full of getting to know you things later…

“Here we are!” Alex pulls in a gravel parking area with an old wooden A-frame store front with gold letters reading Vintage.

“I was expecting…” Henry starts.

“Rodeo drive, your majesty?” Alex smiles wide.

“Not exactly… but maybe one of those malls you’re all so proud of.” Henry looks over the well kept building.

“C’mon, give it a shot.” Alex claps him on the shoulder and walks him into the shop.

A bells rings when they enter, Alex leads Henry to a section of the store.

“Ok, there’s chinos and button ups but there’s some great denim for your readings and these amazing vintage t-shirts.” Alex is pointing in various directions and Henry cannot keep up.

“Sorry, too much?” Alex asks, wincing a little.

“No, I’m not a great shopper. I tend to get anxious.” Henry’s admits as he looks around at the decor on the walls. It’s got rich colors and accents that could border on over stuffed but isn’t.

“Can I pull a few things for you?” Alex asks.

“Yes… I think that’s would be helpful.” Henry is nervous that he’ll just buy whatever Alex picks out for him.

“Stellar!” Alex is off to the races, “oh! Sizes?” Henry tells him and turns to a rack of khakis. He finds a few trousers in his size, a few button up shirts that are neutral colors. He takes his finds to the dressing room where Alex has set up a dressing room full of selections.

“Jesus, we have got to work on your wardrobe.”

“My look is… classic.” Henry’s sticks out his chin.

“Absolutely! But also boring as fuck.” Alex gives him a cheeky smile.

“What’s your plan then?” Henry looks around his selections.

“Picture it! Color… on… your clothes!” Alex does silly magician flourishes and Henry honest to god giggles.

“I am in LA for professional reasons.” Henry’s reminds him.

“And I pulled several business casual options but! You could dress more your age, relate more to your audience, maybe even… gasp… show some personality.” Alex teases.

“Why would my readers care about my personality?” Henry’s quirks and eyebrow.

“They are obsessed enough to come to a reading, they are interested in you. Authenticity, well… it’s something that not everyone can give but I see you can. I think showing more of yourself will resonate with your readers. They might even feel seen.” The sincerity on Alex’s face when he says to Henry makes his inside molten with feelings.

“That’s… exactly how I wanted people to feel with my first book. I… Pez, he’s the only one who sees me.” Henry shares.

“He’s a very lucky human.” Alex says low and a little… Henry can’t place it.

“He is, we became best mates at Eton and it was like he saw straight through the uniform and confident facade and saw me. It meant everything to me and I wouldn’t be who I am today without him.” Henry smiles nostalgically.

“I’m so glad you’ve got him in your corner.” Alex says and Henry can’t believe he’s real.

“Alright, Foxy, let’s try so stuff on!” Alex turns and Henry would swear he wipes his eyes before picking up a few hangers. “Here ya go! Shopping montage!” Alex sits in an overstuffed purple chair and Henry closes the curtain.

Henry tries the trousers first and two of them fit fine, third are too long.

“Hurry up! I wanna see something! Also, I’m almost done with the pick up order for essentials. Any special requests?”

“See something? I’m trying on trousers, I don’t think I need assistance in deciding if they fit or not, Mum!” Henry’s being cheeky.

“I’ll be the judge of that!” Alex calls back. Henry smiles and rolls his eyes. Henry puts on the bright blue button up and navy trousers and opens the curtain.

Alex looks up from his phone and his smile makes Henry’s brain fuzzy.

Tagging @miss-minnelli

[morporkian-cryptid]

Hey, y’all wanna see some more Very Inadvisable Gun Practices by Daisuke “Supposedly The Best Gunman In The World” Jigen,

the same absolute madman who brought us timeless classics like “shooting over your shoulder with the hammer right next to your ear”, “shoving a loaded gun into your waistband”, "twirling a loaded gun by the trigger guard", and of course “using the wrong ammo for so long that your gun just blows up into pieces and buries itself into some guy’s chest”?

-cracks knuckles-

Suppose you are stranded in the Middle Ages (thanks Mamou); Middle Ages People have stolen your gun and used up all the bullets, before kindly returning the now useless gun to you. Do you:

Use your gun to bash people on the head

Acquire a crossbow or perhaps a slingshot

Forge new bullets out of some random metal you melted over a campfire and poured into a hole in a block of wood, then shove them into your used bullet cases, presumably with some gunpowder that you just found somewhere

WHY, OPTION C OF FUCKING COURSE!

I sent these pictures to J (@whosayscrimedoesntpay), my Friend Who Knows Guns™, and he was kind enough to give me a detailed run-down of what exactly is wrong with Jigen. I will now hand the keyboard over to him, so he can explain why, in his own words, “there’s… so much wrong here… so much…”

What the fuck is that metal? Why are you able to melt it over a normal fire?? Why doesn’t the powder flash deform it if that’s the case?

How did you just… find a bullet-shaped hole?? Did you make it?? How did you do that so it was the right size and shape? The wood grain would affect the aerodynamics!

Pouring water on it is just a questionable idea in terms of physics. It could cool weird and possibly deform, if not have water trapped in it.

WHY DOES HE HAVE NO BULLETS, BUT SPARE BULLET CASINGS? [NB: the answer is that he had the spent cases from already fired bullets, which sent J into even more hysterics]

SAME FOR THE POWDER [NB from your local Japan History Nerd™: this movie takes place in the early 1500; firearms were introduced to Japan in 1300 so it’s not completely impossible that Jigen would have acquired some, but then again the villagers there were very clearly established to Not Have Firearms, so…]

Is he… hammering it?? Into the case?? With a rough object?? Risking deforming the bullet?? See point 2 for my point about aerodynamics.

If he doesn’t have spare cases and he’s just using old ones that he’s spent already, no he’s not. THAT’S NOT HOW THAT WORKS.

Expanding on point 7: the whole way a bullet works is the hammer hits the base of the case, either on the rim (the flared bit) or on the center (no flare on those so these are likely rimfire, unless the animators don’t know that either) [NB: .357 Magnum bullets have a flare on the base, so yes the animators did indeed get that wrong.]

That silver bit in the middle of the base houses the “primer”, which is the thing that initially causes the heat/spark that sets off the powder. Depending on if your gun/ammo is rimfire or centrefire, the pin will either strike the rim or the center. On the picture of the spent case (on the right) you can see a dent in the little silver bit.

If they’re spent, you can’t just reuse the exact same case. The primer in the rim/center is spent. You can’t replace that.

Well, technically you can reuse centrefire cases, but you have to replace the bullet (which Jigen did, very badly), the powder (did he?? We didn’t see him do it) and the primer (same here). In the end, the only problem Jigen had with these bullets in the movie is that the aim was very bad, even though the fact that his gun even fires at all goes against the laws of physics.

--------

TL;DR: Jigen is once again defying both science and gun logic. According to J, it basically boils down to “even if the metal is suitable (which it isn’t) and the bullet is made correctly (which it isn’t) and he just… has gunpowder up his ass, he STILL needs a new primer”.

Thank you for tuning in to this new installment of “Daisuke Jigen should not, in fact, be trusted with a gun”!

[maramontwrites]

Dragon Slayer

The man standing before me seems to be a perfectly normal human being, but I know better than that. I've seen enough monsters in my live to recognize one when it’s right in front of me, even in disguise. They're actually pretty simple to spot, as long as you know what to look out for. A weird patch of hair might give away a werewolf, a greyish skin tone means a sea creature has gotten legs. Dragons are usually easy. Strange eyes, some scales that are still exposed, an unsteady tread, signaling that they’re not used to walking on two legs. I could pick a dragon out of a crowd from a mile away.

This man is different. I can't find a single flaw in his appearance. He must be used to living disguised as a human. Even so, I know for sure he is not human. I might not be able to see anything right now, but I can feel it. When you have been in this line of work as long as I have, spotting monsters becomes a second nature, an extra sense. And right now, that sense is telling me that this man is a dragon.

“Can I help you, young man?” he asks, when he spots me. He looks like a nice older man, with grey hair, lightly wrinkled skin and a gentle smile. Even his voice sounds normal, with no hint of that strange accent most dragons speak with.

My hand is resting on the hilt of my sword, ready to attack once he shows his true colors. “Do these people know?” I ask. My plan is to let him reveal his real form to me, so the villagers won't think I killed an innocent man. Besides, killing a full-sized dragon makes for a better story.

“I’m sorry, I don't understand your question. What should they know?” He's still smiling, unaware of the fate that's waiting for him.

“Do they know that a monster is walking among them, disguised as one of them?” I speak quietly, to not alert the nearby villagers. I don’t want them to start running around in a panic.

“Oh.” He looks surprised for a second, before going back to that smile. “They do, actually.”

Now it's my turn to be surprised. “They do?” I'm not sure how to respond. This is not how I expected this conversation to go.

“Yes, they do. Although, I don't think they'd describe me as a ‘monster’.”

“What would they describe you as?” I ask. They're the first words I can think of that make sense. All my other thoughts are just different variations of What is happening right now?!

“I'm not sure. Why don't you ask them?”

I look around and see some of the villagers walking past. They all happily smile at the man, some greeting him with a wave or a nod.

“I can see that you're confused, young adventurer. You can follow me, and I will explain. If you're willing to listen, of course.”

I just nod, not knowing what else to do. At least he hasn't tried to kill me yet. That's one bonus compared to other dragon encounters I've had. I follow the man into a large building that looks like a town hall, made entirely out of wood. As soon as we enter, we get greeted by a young woman sitting behind a reception desk.

“Hello, sir. Welcome back!” she says. Her eyes move over to me, her expression a mix of suspicion and curiosity. “And who's this stranger?"

“Just someone who wants to kill me”, he says. Before she can respond, he opens one of the doors behind him and motions me to come inside. I quickly follow before the woman can try to stop me.

He closes the door behind me. The room were in seems to be an office, with a large desk in the middle and bookcases covering the walls. Behind the desk, between two windows, is a large painting. It is a very accurate portrait of the man, almost looking exactly the same as he does now, even though the dust on the frame and the cracks in the paint indicate that the painting must be very old. I can actually see reptile-like traits in his eyes and traces of scales on his neck, some of the classic imperfections dragons have in their human form, in the portrait. It must've been made when he wasn't used to being human.

“That painting was made two hundred years ago”, he says, conforming my suspicions. Although I didn't expect it – or him – to be that old. “After seeing the destruction that others of my species had caused, I wanted to do something good for the humans. So, I gathered some of them and together we build this town. It's a safe space from all the ‘monsters’, as you call them.” He looks me straight in the eyes now, so intensely that it makes me want to look away. “As you can see, I have no ill intentions. I want nothing but good for these people.”

“This is not a trick?” I mumble. I've never met a dragon with good intentions. My intuition, trained on years of hunting others like him, won’t let me believe him. Despite all this evidence I'm presented with, I can't shake the feeling that something bad is about to happen.

“No, this is not a trick. If I wanted to hurt them, don’t you think I would have done so years ago?” His voice is calming and his reasoning convincing enough to make me to trust him.  

“Yes, you’re right. Sorry to have bothered you, then. I'll be leaving now”, I say, turning back to the door. I want to leave this situation as soon as possible. Talking to someone I was planning to kill just minutes ago is not my favorite thing to do.

“Wait.” I can feel his hand around my arm, pulling me back with force. His grip is a lot tighter than I expected from him. “You can't leave.” The calm in his voice is gone and I can hear hints of that old dragon accents coming through. Instinctively, I reach for my sword, but his grip on my arm is too strong for me to move.

“Why not?” I ask, trying to hide my fear. He was so reasonable just now. Part of me hopes that I can still talk myself out of this. Most of me knows that not going to happen.

He pulls me closer to him, forcing my face right in front of his. “I can't have you get out and tell others about me. People like you will come here. It will comprise the safety of our village.” He smiles.

It's the last thing I see before a claw rips open my chest.

[iwritelmao]

The Maximoffs

summary: Wanda begins her studies on research, history, and literature, while in true Maximoff fashion, bending the rules a bit. Additionally, her classic shut-in behavior must end... With Peter's help, of course.

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5 Coming Soon)

Wanda sat in the library, hunched over a book, exactly how she’d been about six months prior in Queens NY, in the library of Fordham University. Only this one was much smaller, even in its non-relative impressive size. Wanda liked that though. There were no whispered conversations at the circulation desk, no study groups being a bit too loud in a far corner. It seemed in this school, you were either dead silent, or you weren’t the type of person to be in a library.

Of course, there were exceptions. Like when Scott barged in to call Jean out on importan X-Men business. Something about national security being in danger. Or when Hank and Raven flirted over engineering volumes. Or when the professor came to check on Wanda after her third hour of isolation.

“I see you’ve abandoned War and Peace.” He noted, though he didn’t seem upset.

Wanda looked up sheepishly from the book she was reading. “You have a first edition Wuthering Heights.”

“Yes, I believe I also have Jane Eyre lying around somewhere.” Charles Xavier smiled at the girl’s astonishment. “A great something or other of mine was a Brontë fan.”

“Wow…” Her voice was barely at a whisper.

“Do you like to read?”

“Kind of? I think most of the appeal is seeing where the books have been. Looking for signs of whoever read them before; names inside covers, library logs, notes in margins.”Wanda said enthusiastically, though still keeping her voice down. “It’s like you can look at someone else’s life, their reality, through the window of another reality entirely… that’s a special thing for those of us who can’t read minds.”

Charles nodded. “I can imagine.” He said. “Though what I can’t guess at… is why you dropped out of university.”

Wanda looked up from the book. “It’s a long story.”

“Wanda you’re a wonderful student, filled with more academic curiosity than I can begin to muster out of Scott, or Jean, or even Kurt.”

She tensed up. “I really just don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Would you rather talk to your father?”

She clenched her jaw then took a deep breath. “No. And he obviously wants nothing to do with me or Peter.”

“You can’t really believe that.”

“Professor, he knows. And I’m willing to bet he’s known for a while.”

Charles Xavier sat up just a bit straighter. “No, that’s… surely he would’ve said something.”

“Yeah, your guess at ‘what the fuck’ is as good as mine.” Wanda said softly. “Don’t believe me? Read his mind, or something.”

“I’m not going to- no, I believe you,” Charles said. “Whatever he knows or doesn’t know, Erik wants a family more than anything. There must be something keeping him from speaking out… there must be.”

Wanda got back to her room to find Peter sitting cross-legged on her bed, flipping through one of her books. He looked up briefly before turning his attention back to the book, silver hair shielding his eyes. "You wrote all over this thing."

"That thing is a history textbook, so yeah, I annotated it," Wanda said, dropping her bag at the foot of her bed and sitting next to her brother.

"On Bohemian Culture..." Peter read from the cover, then moved to the sticker on one of the bottom corners. "Rented copy... Weren't you supposed to give this back to Fordham?"

Wanda shrugged. "I wanted a souvenir. And it's actually really interesting."

"God, you're boring," Peter tossed the book aside. Wanda used her powers to catch it in mid-air then set it on her desk. "Make any friends yet?"

The girl looked confused. "Why?"

"You're kidding," Peter remarked with raised eyebrows. Wanda shrugged. "Okay, fine. I'm heading out on the town with Hank and Raven tonight, you should come."

"The teachers?"

"Unless you, a vaguely 20-something-year-old, wanna go hang out with the gaggle of eighteen-year-olds," Peter suggested sarcastically, referring to Jean, Jubilee, and Scott. (seriously what the fuck is the aging system in these movies? I'm choosing to believe that the Maximoff twins are both 23 cause I feel like it)

Wanda rolled her eyes. "Fair. But Hank and Raven are... well, I don't know. They're something. I feel like they'd just be babysitting us all night." She said. "Plus, what nightlife is there in Westchester, New York?"

Peter stood up. "Would you stop making excuses to exile yourself?"

She looked at him for a long time, trying to find more reasons to say no, stay in, and read. But she kept drawing up blanks. Her mind kept going back to that one question. Where exactly was one supposed to find good nightlife in Westchester?

Raven threw her head back laughing and Hank watched adoringly. The older man smiled, then took another swig from the bottle of wine he'd brought (apparently, beer didn't agree with his stomach). Raven and Peter shared a six-pack, while Wanda sat and watched with a lukewarm, unfinished hard cider in her hands. She wouldn't drink anything that wasn't sweet or fruity.

They sat around a bonfire in the woods. It had previously been populated by the K-12 students during the homecoming season, but now all that was left was long since scorched grass, and empty bottles littering the clearing.

It was nice, Wanda decided, to be so free with a small group of people. Hank had been hanging from the trees earlier. Raven, shifting from blue, to blonde, and back as it suited her comfort. Peter darted back to the Mansion more than once for more ice to put in the cooler. Wanda had refrained from using her powers much, maybe because she wasn't drunk enough. Maybe because she was too intoxicated to do so safely. After all, dangerous things could happen if one played with chaos magic, the very threads of reality, so carelessly.

"Wanda!" Raven called out. "Your turn."

"Oh, uh..." Wanda paused, considering the question they'd all gone around the fire answering. "Nowhere."

Hank tilted his head. "What do you mean, 'nowhere'?"

The young woman shifted in her seat. "I mean, I've never..."

Peter spit out his beer. "What?" He stared with wide eyes. "What about that one guy? What's his name? He took you to prom, and after, you went to his place and..."

"Watched Never Ending Story on VHS."

Raven set her drink down. "Let me get this straight... You're a twenty-three-year-old virgin?"

Wanda shrugged. "I guess. I mean I've never really felt that way about another person. Sure, I've wanted to date people before... maybe even kiss them, but anything past that..." She looked up from her hands to see the rest of the group staring. "Sorry, I know it's-"

"Natural," Raven said. "Whatever you feel, or don't feel, it's for a reason. It's okay."

Wanda looked at her with a smile. For a moment, the only sound was the crackling of the fire, until Peter took a worryingly long sip of beer and said. "My first kiss was a guy on the track team at the high school I went to."

All eyes went to Peter. His twin sister's eyes widened as her head snapped in his direction. "Not Oliver..."

"Yes, Oliver."

"I thought you hated Oliver."

"Oh, I did. Hated him all the way to third base."

[clioseeker]

Chill Reviews : Do not take this cat home or the fear of being alone (spoiler-free version)

TW : this game has heavy topics that may not are suitable for everyone ! The content warnings of the dev are literally longer than my future. If you're uncomfortable and get triggered about abusive relationships, all forms of violence, heavy horror elements, animal cruelty, mental health related subjects or certain phobias please consider not playing this game. There's also flashing lights, imags and loud noises. Stay safe people, and take care of yourself <3

But if you're still curious, the dev put the entire list of warnings on the downloads, so you can take a peak yourself.

Soooooo, that an heavy one. Today I'm talking about a game that was quite a strange experience, Do not take this cat home. It's an horror visual novel created by Pixeliminal in 2023, it starts with a very simple premice : you (yes, you the player) is walking home on a rainy day, and you find a cute cat in a dark alley. Poor little thing is alone in a cardboard. After this, you have the choice to take it home... Or not.

Isn't that little fella cute ?

Why would you leave it outside ?

I'm not making a classic review with the qualities and the flaws, but more of an essay in fact. This is the type of game that feel more like a unique experiment more than actual gameplay when you turn your brain off and just enjoy. This post is spoiler-free, but the next won't be. If you want to read the second part anyway, I invite you to play or watch the game before.

---{ Graphics }--- ☐ You forget what reality is ☐ Beautiful ☑ Good ☐ Decent ☐ Bad ☐ Don‘t look too long at it ☐ MS-DOS

The graphics seems to be hand-made, it gives a unique look and atmosphere to the game. It's a simple style, cute and looking absolutely innocent. Like the cat is veeeery cute and I personnally want to hug and play with for days. It's a personal opinion but I rather so much 2D games over 3D realist games. The game can't really be dated and that's what it's so charming. It's unique and won't burn your eyes after a few years :3

---{ Gameplay }--- ☐ Very good ☐ Good ☑ It's just gameplay ☐ Mehh ☐ Watch paint dry instead ☐ Just don't

I don't have much to say about it. It's a visual novel, you just have to click dialogue options. You have different choices of dialogue or actions and it'll have a direct impact on the ending you'll get. Just a quick surprise at the last ending, your choices are timed.

---{ Audio }--- ☐ Eargasm ☐ Very good ☑ Good ☐ Not too bad ☐ Bad ☐ I'm now deaf

Dialogues aren't dubbed and the soundtrack is not that remarkable, but it's not bad to listen. In fact, the music perfectly blended with the atmosphere, I mostly keep impressions of cute musics mixed with creepy melodies which stressed me a bit.

---{ Audience }--- ☐ Kids ☐ Teens ☑ Adults ☐ Grandma

Like said above, the game's subjects are a bit tough to handle depending of your past experiences, your fears or your triggers. The horror is there, mostly psychological or body horror. Some endings gave me the itches because of that.

---{ PC Requirements }--- ☐ Check if you can run paint ☑ Potato ☐ Decent ☐ Fast ☐ Rich boi ☐ Ask NASA if they have a spare computer

---{ Game Size }--- ☐ Floppy Disk ☑ Old Fashioned ☐ Workable ☐ Big ☐ Will eat 10% of your 1TB hard drive ☐ You will want an entire hard drive to hold it ☐ You will need to invest in a black hole to hold all the data

---{ Difficulty }--- ☑ Just press 'W' ☐ Easy ☐ Easy to learn / Hard to master ☐ Significant brain usage ☐ Difficult ☐ Dark Souls

---{ Grind }--- ☑ Nothing to grind ☐ Only if u care about leaderboards/ranks ☐ Isn't necessary to progress ☐ Average grind level ☐ Too much grind ☐ You'll need a second life for grinding

---{ Story }--- ☐ No Story ☐ Some lore ☐ Average ☑ Good ☐ Lovely ☐ It'll replace your life

---{ Game Time }--- ☐ Long enough for a cup of coffee ☑ Short ☐ Average ☐ Long ☐ To infinity and beyond

My advice is take an evening or an afternoon when you're fully into into it, the game can me completed in 3-4 hours.

---{ Price }--- ☑ It's free! ☐ Worth the price ☐ If it's on sale ☐ If u have some spare money left ☐ Not recommended ☐ You could also just burn your money

I would even say it's cheaper than free x)

---{ Bugs }--- ☑ Never heard of ☐ Minor bugs ☐ Can get annoying ☐ ARK: Survival Evolved ☐ The game itself is a big terrarium for bugs

---{ ? / 10 }--- ☐ 1 ☐ 2 ☐ 3 ☐ 4 ☐ 5 ☐ 6 ☐ 7 ☑ 8 ☐ 9 ☐ 10

---{ Author }--- ☑ https://vojtastruhar.github.io/steam-review-template

Detailed and spoiler-free opinion : Do not take this cat home is an entertaining game at first, but the first impression of cuteness quickly gives his place to an eerie atmosphere. Strange events were happening to the MC and I was mixed between affection for the cat and curiosity for what were happening to our character. Then let's just say my opinion on my new fluffy friend changed after a few runs. If you're looking for an new whole horror experience, without jumpscares, the game may be for you. I find it excellent and it's definitely a 'must play' in the genre of horror free games.

[stormxpadme]

Character Ask Game:

Scott Summers: 3, 5, 13, 23

Logan: 1, 5, 12, 14

Remy Lebeau: 6, 9, 15, 21

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!!

Scott Summers

3 - Least favorite canon thing about this character?

When we talk about the movies, it's everything about the new movies LOL. Starting from taking one of the most important aspects aka being the older protective brother from him. But since I don't work with that particular multiverse timeline and ignore it even exists, I'll turn to comics for a moment, I guess. Boi really needs to learn how to talk about his emotions more instead of relying on the telepaths in his life to read him and sort shit out for him on a personal level. Seriously. Dude. You don't got your tongue only for making your lovers scream in bed.

5 - What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

People knowing my fanfiction verse know that I gave Scott a rather unpopular hobby with classic dancing (thanks Hellfire Gala 2022 for enabling me in that by him rocking that tango), so there's lots of songs I remember him and the wifey dancing to that are dear to my heart. He's also a bit of a movie nerd, can't change my mind, and I made it canon in my verse that he often watches Breakfast Club with the kids in movie hours at school because yeah, at least in old movieverse timeline, he IS that much of a dinosaur and the movie is great for emotional growth especially for you teenagers. So somehow I always end up with Don't you forget about me for him in my head, not least because I named the oneshot in question after one of the lyrics.

13 - What’s an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

✔️

Look, boi just loves his organization lists and to pester everyone with them even worse since the invention of smartphones.

23 - Favorite picture of this character?

Pfft, that's evil to choose from in a franchise that has so many verses :D.

With comics, there's far too many so I took the latest. For reasons. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's same face syndrom, might just as well be looking at Remy here if you shun the VISOR. But like. Any Scott comic look looking similar to James is fine with me. Also, yes, much as I hate this movie, I have a motorcycle fetish, thanks for asking.

Logan

1 - Why do you like or dislike this character?

It's really the whole "wearing my scars on the inside" thing. I love the whole idea of someone physically indestructible coming with the according mental damage of decades and someday millenia, probably. It's basically a short-sized Tolkien elf aesthetic, think more of Silmarillion elves though who were far more feral and less regal LOL.

5 - What’s the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Going back to my verse again where Logan's big on the classics not least because they often trigger memories of the life he's forgotten. Ring of Fire means a lot to Jean and him in that verse, which is not least why I named a oneshot series about them after it.

12 - What’s a headcanon you have for this character?

Much like Scott, Logan's actually not bad a dancer and not half-bad a singer. He doesn't love both but get him drunk enough he'll hum away and if the occasion calls for it, he'll be on the floor. Grudgingly.

14 - Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Dumpster cowboy Logan never gets old.

Remy LeBeau

6 - What’s something you have in common with this character?

We both have an accent that people often won't understand LOL.

9 - Could you be roommates with this character?

I mean, depends on how aro-poly things get *cough*. Otherwise, we'll both need really good noise cancelling phones because there'll be lots of kinky shit going on in both rooms and a gal needs to sleep every once in a while.

15 - What’s your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn’t matter if it’s canon or not.)

I'm a Romy truther but in oneshots, you can sell me pretty much. Much like Scott, Remy's a fandom bycicle for me. Even wrote him with Scott in a oneshot once or twice because they're just fucking hot together.

21 - If you’re a fic writer and have written for this character, what’s your favorite thing to do when you’re writing for this character? What’s something you don’t like?

I talked about it before and just can repeat, I really am committed to my "former voluntary and enthusiastic sexworker Remy" headcanon. I like working on that part when I get the chance, including all the highs and lows that come with the job, the changing attitude towards sex and physical nearness especially with regard to Marie etc.

Don't ever ask me to write a cajun accent though. I simply let it be because there's enough hacks at Marvel headquarters already who butcher languages they can't be assed to hire someone for who actually speaks them. I don't want to look similarly stupid. Like, it's mentioned that he speaks cajun and the accent in my stories several times but I don't write it out in dialogue because I simply suck at it. But if someone who actually speaks cajun ever is in the mood to redo all my Remy dialogue, you're welcome.

[ask-missparker]

WandaVision AU - We found wonderland you & I got lost in it 🤍

Pairing: Amelia x Nikolai

Summary: What if 2 Agents of Shield were trapped in a classic all American sitcom created by a old friend? Utter bliss!

Characters mentioned: Marlene, Melissa, Wanda, Vision, Agnes, Mr. Hart & his wife and etc

—

‘It’s Been A Long, Long Time’ played quietly on the radio situated above the sink, just loud enough to be heard over the sizzling pancakes on the frying pan. The humming could be as the women swayed side to side, chuckled at the song being played. Her kitten heels clicked against the hardwood floor, running a finger across her pinned curls.

She looked outside the window, listening into her town with a soft smile. The occasional bark of the house dog could be heard throughout the day as they pranced about the neatly cut grass of the town.

Each house was lined with the most decadent array of flowers around the fence, each petal greeting you as you walked by the uniform bushes. A postcard worthy image to behold.

As she worked around the kitchen, her hands went to smooth down your cream colored apron. She glanced around the clock, with a darling smile. 6:45 on the dot. She placed the pancakes onto two sliver dollar plates and poured herself a glass of morning coffee.

As if on cue, her husband walked and called out, “Honey, I’m ready.” He was fixing his tie, newspaper under his armpit and grin plastered across his face. A silly grin to be correct. He was all dressed up his favorite suit, leaning down to place a kiss on her lips and hummed, “You look lovely this morning.”

“You say that every morning.” She replied.

“Because that’s correct, you always look lovely in the morning.”

“And at night?”

“I can’t say that with straight face, doll.”

“Silly man.”

“You love me for it.”

“That I do.”

The two sat down and ate breakfast, listing the plans for today and hearing the soft hums that played from the radio. Sadly, time was of the hour and not a moment later, resulting in the brunette man to scurry off to work not without lacing a few more kisses on his wife’s face.

“Have a nice day!” She called out from the door.

“I will! And remember we have dinner plans tomorrow night!” He called out, touring the car onto the highway.

She headed back inside, cleaning up the living room as she guided herself towards the magazines on the kitchen table with a smile. The pictures were just dreamy. The nicely tuned housing, the radio in the living room, the tv placed right in front of the couch, the curtains evenly sized for the windows, the coffee table filled with magazines and a flower pot of daisies.

——

She sighed happily at the sight, suddenly hearing a doorbell. Who could possibly ruin her perfectly good morning?

She ran up, stringing her dress and opened the door, “Good morning, how may I help you?”

“Why hello dear, I’m Agnes! Your next door neighbor.” She replied with a smile.

“Next door neighbor? Pardon darling, but my next door neighbors is Marlene and her wife.”

“Oh right! I meant next door neighbors on the other side of the block.”

“Is there anything you need, dear?”

“Yes! I was wondering if you would like to accompany me to meeting our NEW neighbors? They just moved in.”

“I’m rather busy, maybe next time? I have dinner plans to prepare.”

“It would only be just a moment, I promise. Besides everyone in WestView should be welcome with open arms, correct?”

“Correct, let me get my bag.”

She followed Agnes out of the door to their next door neighbors around the block, Ms. Vision.

——

Meanwhile her husband appeared rushing into work, and not a second later! He slid into his chair behind the new man at the office, Vision. But his gaze was quickly brought to the brunette woman sitting next to him with a smile. His best friend his childhood grinned brightly as his hair swift to the side typing on the keys of the typewriter, filling in and out paperwork.

“Morning, Nikolai!” She with a grin, handing her best friend the paperwork for him to fill out.

He took the copy of the work and replies, “Morning! How’d you sleep?”

“Alright I guess? The dog from Mr. Jetsons kept me up all night.”

“That was the dog? I thought it was my stomach growling.”

Both laughed at their banter. That was when their boss, Mr. Hart came in talking with all the men and women at the office building. He remarked, “You remember tonight’s plan, ay Vision?”

The blonde man with glasses, “Huh? Oh yes, sir, Mr. Hart!”

“Good because I like a good meatloaf! Hope your wife can cook just as well.”

“Yes sir, Mr. Hart! My wife is a master in the kitchen.”

The two men talked, it was clear to Marlene and Nikolai that Vision forgot about today. He looked uttered lost, like he had a screw loose or something?

Marlene stood up from her desk and carried herself over to Vision saying, “Hey it’s alright. Mr. Hart just wants to see his employees make good impression.”

“Why yes but what do I do? It’s tonight! I had nothing planed.” Vision admitted, running a hand across his blonde locks.

“It happens to everyone! I remember my first dinner with our boss, I practically fumbled over my words and my wife had to save my skins.”

“Really?”

“Yeah but after a few seconds, I pulled myself together.”

Nikolai chuckled leaned over his desk, “Hey man, don’t sweat it! Just call up your wife and see if there is anything that you can do.”

“Oh yes, right!” He said, dialing his wife waiting for her to pick looking over his shoulder, “And thank you..?”

“Nikolai. And that’s Mar!”

“Thank you. Both of you are too kind.”

“It’s no problem, you’ll get the hang of it.”

——

Amelia and Agnes arrived a Wanda’s household. There were plenty of disagreements, trying to coax Wanda on how an anniversary should be spent with your spouse, playful remarks that had an underlying concern to them. But women laughed, including Wanda who took a liking to both girls. She heard the phones and picked up, realizing it was her husband as she spoke with him. Sending signals for both ladies, to take notes about her plans for tonight.

Agnes left soon enough, leaving Wanda alone with Amelia to get ready.

She was brushing the light redhead hair as she asked, “Amelia?”

“Yes Wanda?” She replied, pinning the curls.

“I heard you say to Agnes you have been together longer than us. How long?”

“Since after the wars ended, my fiancé and his best friend returned home safely. And soon we were hitched.”

“Was it lovely?”

“It was. I remember the look on Melissa’s face seeing her best friends get married. We had our honeymoon and you know the rest.”

Wanda chuckled, “Oh yes I do! My husband didn’t go to the war, he stayed behind to help with performances and engines on machines.”

“That sounds daring.” Amelia chuckled, “I remember my husband returned home a little hurt, he bruised his leg but he was fine. Now we’re married then got our puppy.”

The short redhead spinner around in her chair, “You have pet? You didn’t leave him alone did you?”

“He’s only 6 months old, big boy, and staying with a friend for the weekend.” Amelia explained. 

“Aww that’s sweet.”

“I should get going, bye love!”

“Bye!”

“And remember, share tonight like it’s your last.”

——

Nikolai drove up to house down the block away after work with flowers and knocked on the door.

As they door opened, it revealed a set of glasses, pin up curls and a lovely flared out dress.

“Aww for me?” She asked in a teasing tone.

He rolled his eyes, “No Mel. Theses are my wife, yours is coming home later with a surprise for you.”

“Ooh can’t wait! And someone is excited to see you.”

“Where is he?”

In came a strong pair of footsteps hurrying out the door to face his owner. Arrow barked and wagged his tail as Nikolai ruffles behind his ears and kiss his furry face, causing Arrow to lick his own. Melissa chuckled and pats the very dog on top of his head before asking how are things at home with the misuses as he repiled ‘As good as ever.’

With that he left waving at his friend was the same time Marlene arrived home herself. Perfect timing.

~~~~

The man of the hour arrived home with the barking joy following him, knowing his wife had no idea of the little surprise as he held up flowers in the other hand. Walking across the the doorway into the living room, he met the frame of his wife reading a magazine humming with a smile.

He chuckled, reaching over setting his suitcase on the floor with a small thud that catches anyone’s attention. It caught her attention, as she looked up to see her husband and dog.

She chuckled getting up from the couch leaning into to kiss her husband with a soft smile. He gladly returned the kiss reaching down to wrap his hand around her waist, as Arrow stood in-between them barking as if to say ‘I’m here too! Pay attention to me’. She rolled her eyes and held Arrow’s face in her hands pressing a kiss his cheek as he wagged his tail as if to say, ‘There’s the sugar!’

“Is that why your home late?” She asked following him into the kitchen to finish stirring up the pasta, she was making for the two of them.

He placed a bowl of doggie food on the floor next to the table and repiled, “I know we both stay away from him for long.”

“You just him to sleep in your bed with us dear.”

“Guilty as charged.”

As they ate dinner, Nikolai remembered what else happened today at work, bringing up the topic of their neighbors again. Having both met the newest couple in WestView today.

He chuckled, “I hope Vision and Wanda are doing alright tonight.”

“What do you mean?” She asked with a curious smile.

“You didn’t know? Mr. Hart is having Vision host a dinner for them tonight. You know to impress his boss and have his job fully secured.”

“No? Tonight is their anniversary, Wanda said it herself. Their was a heart on the calendar.”

“Then Wanda is mistaken because the heart of the calendar was for Mr. and Mrs. Hart.”

“Ohhh…oops?”

“We’ll see on Monday if he gets the job or not.”

Both couldn’t help but laugh, smiling brightly.

~~~

That’s all folks! Tell me what you think?

Tags: @missstrawbs2001 @purpleprincessonfyre @meiramel @gcthvile @rickb-chaos s @gaminggirlsstuff @wizzzardofoz @thechoooooosenone @luna-d-marsh @rooster-84 @thecavalrywife @cherrysft and etc

~~

[the-larxist-manifesto]

GameGirl36 ~ Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins (1992)

Can we just admire this box art for a second? Mario games have a knack for the whimsical, but there are few that spark the imagination as bright as this. The fish eye lens gives you the feeling that you're peeping into the world inside your GameBoy; so small that it all fits in this one vortex of action, but so vast that every inch is covered in details to admire and wonder about. Older Mario games in particular tapped into that sense of wonder so effectively because, well... what IS any of this stuff? I've never seen that particular boxing shark before! Why is there another island-sized Mario in the background? The moon is out during the daytime?

We do take for granted how strange the Mario world is to begin with; walking mushroom people probably shouldn't feel so normal to us. But due to how standardized Mario's brand is nowadays, it throws you for a loop to see him jumping off of a bomb turtle in front of his own castle. These details just don't line up with who he's been in the latest games. No, these older Mario games showcase a cartoony, plastic version of Mario that is stretched and squashed to fit whatever mood Nintendo was in that year.

Today, we're talking about one of the masterpieces of the GameBoy. I have played it before, so this entry will be less raw and reaction-based than usual. My goal is to explain what sets this one apart from the other millions of Marios that you could be playing right now.

Take a shot every time I say "Mario" for a fun and moderate drinking game! /j

~Guided tour of Mario Land~

This game feels like playing a Saturday morning cartoon many ways, including the plot. Since the developers were forced to come up with a reason for Mario to be scuttling around in the rafters of your home wearing rabbit ears, they settled on creating a brand new world and villain for this game only. After the events of the first Super Mario Land, Mario returns home(?) to "Mario land." Here, he presumably lives in peace with the giant birds and turtles and toy robot clone of himself in his castle at the center of the island. Just... when did Mario get so bougie? His own island? His own CASTLE? Always thought of him as a more modest guy, myself.

Either way, Mario is met with a nasty surprise when everyone in Mario land turns against him upon his return. Everything he loves is taken away and twisted into a flipped-around funhouse mirror of what he remembers by his arch-rival... Wario. (Yes, this is Wario's introduction to the Mario series as a whole!)

World map included with the game manual!

Okay, so now we have our reasoning as to why everything is so weird, and we have to set it back to normal. I like the larger plot subtext that this game implies about Mario villains—while Bowser often employs brute force with merciless fiery obstacle courses and an organized army, this escapade has Wario written all over it. The enemies feel like scrounged-together mercenaries he purchased on the cheap, and each world is some bizarre head trip; like the whole adventure is a giant prank on Mario. Wario is a truly disturbed little goblin man.

To win the day, Mario must journey to all six zones, defeat their corrupted bosses, and collect the titular six golden coins. Once they are all collected, he can once again enter his castle and beat up the man child that wrecked everything.

UGH, as goofy as it is, I genuinely love cartoony space aesthetics in old games .-~*

YouTube comments, everyone. They're not wrong, though

~Weird to watch, weirder to play~

This adventure does technically follow the typical formula for a Mario platformer, but with some... strange twists. Much like Mario land itself, the controls introduce and remove a lot of staples willy-nilly, in such a way that I never quite felt comfortable controlling it. To be perfectly clear, I like this disorienting and unique effect. It's one of those things that sets classic Mario games apart most from the modern entries. I'm gonna lightning-round the weird changes I'm talking about, exclusive to this one game:

Defeating 100 enemies awards an item, shown by a counter on the HUD

Press select on the file screen for easy mode

The player loses ALL golden coins upon game over

High jump by holding up on the d-pad and jumping

Spin jump by holding down on the d-pad while jumping

Spin jump can open ? blocks from above

Jump continuously by holding the jump button (only with Bunny Mario, though, for some reason)

Neither koopa shell kicks nor continuous enemy jumps award 1-ups (but stars still do!)

Not all of its uniqueness is completely random, however. As you might expect, this game does share some DNA with its direct prequel, Super Mario Land. For example, the game does not freeze when collecting a powerup, instead allowing the player to move while Mario's body stretches or squashes into its new form. The end-of-level goals split into an upper and lower part, with the upper being a skill check that awards the player a powerup minigame. Though most of the soundtrack is original, it borrows some ideas from its predecessor: the invincibility theme similarly differs from The Famous One, and SML2 recycles the unique underground theme from Super Mario Land for the haunted house level! I thought that was a very subtle but neat reference; it's an ambient theme catchy enough to deserve at least two games.

The entire soundtrack sets the golden standard for GB music; pop on this 30 minutes of merry melodies for your next walk

~Lil guys~

Next, I just want to show off some highlights from this game's art style by lining up my favorite lil guys I ran across. SML2 definitely has an all-around Hannah-Barbara type feel, with lots of down-to-earth concepts stylized to look more alive and dynamic. The moon gets moody, the distant islands frown at you, and the tiling of Mario's castle halls have teeny goomba likenesses trapped inside of them.

I'm seriously in love with the stylistic choice of "add tiny eyeballs to otherwise unremarkable background object"

Little witchy tongue~! :P

~Conclusion~

Now, I acknowledge that not every Mario platformer is a remarkable game. I will not be the first or last person to tell you that many entries in the series feel like rehashes of the same ol', same ol'. With all the hundreds of Mario games out there, it can be difficult to sift through and find the most unique and worthwhile ones. Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins is the game you are looking for. (And if I had to provide a short list, also write down SMB3, SMWorld, NewSMB, and SMBWonder)

Do I recommend it? Yesss please play it!

100% completion of this game only took me 5 hours, so even if it is a waste of your time, at least it's a small amount of your time! ^^; (For completion, by the way, you just have to reach every level exit. There are 38 in total, including secret exits and the bonus levels that you unlock through these secrets)

I fw with the NSO gameboy color and LCD filters

Alright, we're cooking through this row of GB games! Only two games to go... and the next one promises to be unique on a whole different level...

Thank you very much for reading.

~Lark Lyke

[conkers-thecosy]

Drop some AUs that's you love! I want to read all the things >:)

P.s. hope your day is going well! Give your sweet pup a good scratch behind the ears for me 💜

Hullo lovely!

Ahhhhh!! This is a great ask, okay here we go!!

In June and June and More June by Dragonslaeyr:

"When Bilbo agreed on a trip to Erebor to clear up the last of his mother's estate, what he didn't count on was falling in love with its gorgeous landscape, the fiercely proud people, and yes, the delicious food. Now if only he could figure out why everyone was acting so strangely around his neighbours..."

- Whisper of the Heart by @abliafina-18782

"When Bilbo discovers all of his library books have been checked out by the same guy, a Thorin Oakenshield, maybe it will finally give him the push for adventure he's always wanted."

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Love-In-Idleness by perkynurples

"Taking Bilbo Baggins, a successful movie actor who is only just getting used to the perks and intricacies of becoming A Face People Want To See, and putting him together with Thorin Oakenshield, with his very traditional (read: slightly backwards) ideas about what constitutes Real Art and Real Talent, might very well be viewed as just some clothead’s idea of a joke. But there are jokes, and then there are carefully calculated risks the size of controversial reproductions of classic Shakespearean plays - for Bilbo, it is the chance of a lifetime to prove himself to all those who have ever deemed him too one-dimensional to even attempt stage, while Thorin has the opportunity to get out of the rut that’s been hindering his career for so long now, and shine in a role worthy of his talent once again. That is if the two learn how to share the same space for more than ten minutes without wanting to tear each other’s hair out. The course of true love never did run smooth, after all…"

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Dragonhearted by @lordoftherazzles

"The grandson of a greedy king and his dwarvish companions fall under the curse of literal dragon sickness - at least for Thorin. Bestowed by Smaug the Terrible, an enchanter whose other form is also that of a dragon, the vilest of fire drakes from the north, is seeking riches at the end of a hard trial for the prince of Erebor. Doomed to live his life as a ‘not-quite-dwarf’ and ‘not-quite-dragon’, Thorin and his companions are forgotten by the world around them.

The decades roll by and the curse shows no sign of lifting, for Thorin was tasked with proving that his heart was worth saving and that he would not be corrupted by gold lust like his grandfather. All seems bleak until the arrival of one quirky little hobbit of the Shire with his mother’s stubborn streak and his father’s gentility. Bilbo Baggins, a prisoner of this draconic beast, soon begins to show Thorin just what a heart worth saving feels like."

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Bookbinder//Songwriter by @lordoftherazzles

"Thorin Durinul has always dreamed of making it to the big leagues in the music industry. Ered Luin’s newest citizen, Bilbo Baggins, an aspiring writer and all-around bookworm, has recently taken ownership of the mountain town’s dusty old corner shop, now, Bag End Books. They weren’t looking for love, but now they can’t imagine tackling life’s challenges without each other."

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...There are so, so many more, but I haven't read half the fics I want to, and these are a good place to start if you're looking for AUs!

Let me know what you think!! 💛