#why is this neverending

[vtforpedro]

personal/med update

My brain is fried mush right now. I survived my disability hearing on Tuesday. It was definitely informal, a little intimidating, but I feel I got through it well enough. My attorney said it’s a toss up because this judge is extremely professional and won’t give any indication and he sure didn’t. The vocational expert narrowed me down to like 3 jobs, then 2, then 1, then 0. I felt that was a good thing? Like am I not disabled if I can’t do any jobs? Either way, my age is working against me so we shall see. It’s very strange that you can be completely disabled and unable to work, but not by US law so they won’t provide aid. Blegh. Gotta wait another 1-3 months for his written decision. ._. Last Thursday, I noticed I had a ‘spot.’ I call them spots b/c I have eczema but I also had a bad ringworm infection in 2015 and called them spots then. Red spots that turn into rings. Anyway thought it was gonna be eczema but by Friday I was covered in many more. Cue me having multiple meltdowns about it interfering with my hearing if it got too bad lmao It didn’t, but it is bad! I had 49 ringworm spots as of last night and they grow in number by day. So, I went to see an NP b/c my dr couldn’t fit me in. Went as well as every other medical professional interaction has, which was terribly, and left me in tears and feeling beat down yet again by the medical field. She wants disabled me, who was bedbound for eight months and currently in PT to recover, to put cream on 49 spots and counting. With IIH and nerve damage that limits my movement and ability to stand for longer than 10-15 min. But she kept interrupting me and wouldn’t let me explain any of this. Her notes said ‘she is not usually terribly active’ so I guess being bedbound translates to that somehow??? She also said I had 3-4 spots on my breasts which is not what she was told by me or what her MA wrote down. lmao so guess who had to message her pcp again!!!!!!!! A completely healthy person can’t be expected to put cream on 49 spots 2x a day. For me, this involves washing my skin since I am unable to shower every day cause of the whole disabled thing. She said a lot more bullshit about my swollen feet and fatigue, so basically I got zero help. It was barely a 10min appt. Fucking hate them, I swear. She refused to give me the oral anti-fungal cause of my other meds, but my mom asked the pharmacist today and she said I’d be fine to take it. The pharmacist asked, unprompted, if an NP, urgent care or ER doctor said no to the oral pill and my mom was like YES! And she said they don’t understand it and won’t give it despite it being used every day even for yeast infections and athlete’s foot. She said her friend went through this shit too trying to get the oral pill. Back in 2015, I suffered this infection for 5mos while applying for health insurance/getting approved/waiting for a pcp because no NP, UC or ER doctor would give me the oral med lmao I saw my new pcp finally and he was like uhhhh no here’s a prescription for it you have way too many spots to worry about putting cream all over your body. Y’all I had been washing my sheets, towels, clothes, taking apple cider vinegar baths, soaking my spots in ACV, then applying one of five or six otc and prescription creams EVERY DAY. I spent two hours twice a day in my bathroom. Ringworm was what I did every day all day for five fucking months. I cannot fathom doing that again. It’s insanity. I was close to a mental breakdown and I only had MH issues back then, none of the physical stuff. I hate it here man Also why do I keep having shit happen every time I turn around. No idea why my feet are swelling, no idea why I have this abnormal fatigue that makes me teary because I sit here and stare at my screen unable to think of anything else but how tired I am. Like for long periods of time. She said to talk to my psychiatrist about it HOOOOOOOO. I woke up this morning and immediately started crying. It’s triggering being treated this way after three years of it. I should’ve waited to see my pcp and used otc in the meantime or something, but my pcp wanted me in asap for my swollen feet so I could get lab orders. Which, according to this NP, ‘there are no labs for swollen feet.’ Where did they get this lady She’s like WHAT ABOUT YOUR LEUKEMIA DID THEY CURE IT? I’m like my chronic, lifelong leukemia? No, it is in remission lmao chronic is right there in the name ma’am. It’s the first word. HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m gonna go cry again sorry for ranting I am so so so fucking sick of medical professionals and I cannot wait for it to slow down but my february is completely booked and march is halfway there. Chronic pain life baby!!!!

[mlobsters]

jared padalecki and jensen ackles discuss season 9, oct 2013

the real fake world of supernatural Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Hurt No Comfort, Brotherly Angst, 100k+

[faunandfloraas]

...

[evan-buck]

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH 2x08 Mermen

Stede...

[layzeal]

LWJ: wei ying… during those 13 years, where were you?

WWX: ahahahaha lan zhaaaan you know how my memory is 🥺 sorry, i really don't remember….

WWX's soul back then in Hua Cheng's ghost city:

[sualne]

it's also about the self but that's a given

[sygneth]

You're an Empire

Darkest of Empires

(inspo song)

[brianskangs]

(231209) YOUNG K x SAY YES

[sidneycarter]

love the idea that post The Situation thomas is just increasingly obtuse when it comes to jimmy's feelings.

so when one day mrs hughes mentions in passing at how much easier it is to handle james now he's settled down, thomas is incredibly confused. and a little bit heartbroken too of course.

it gets even stranger when on valentine's day alfred sulkily asks jimmy how many cards he's sent that year and jimmy merely shrugs and smirks. mrs patmore chastises them for gossiping and announces that surely, jimmy's only got one to be sending.

then one night, most of the staff are enjoying a rare night off in the pub. as usual, a host of pretty girls surround jimmy, and one particularly brave one asks jimmy if he's got any plans on one of his half days. jimmy throws her a cheeky wink and says "sorry, darling, but i'm spoken for."

thomas starts feeling really rather hurt. he's known all along that this would happen eventually - that jimmy would eventually move on and find a nice village lass, but it still stings to hear it. somehow, it hurts even more knowing that clearly jimmy has fallen for someone but he hasn't even told thomas.

thomas puts on a brave face and elbows daisy in the side. "d'ya hear that? jimmy's kept that quiet 'asn't he?"

daisy looks at him with a frown and cocks her head to the side. "well, not really--" but before she can say anything else she's swept up into the rowdy conversation of the table.

a few weeks later, thomas and jimmy are alone in the servants hall, with thomas reading the paper in his rocking chair and jimmy tapping out melodies on the piano. the tune he's playing is sweet and gentle, and thomas finds himself swaying his head along. as the song draws to a close, a gentle round of applause sounds from the doorway.

baxter stands smiling. "let me call you sweetheart is one of my favourites. it was beautiful, jimmy."

jimmy blushes prettily and stands, closing the piano lid. "thank you, mrs baxter. good night."

after he's gone from the room, baxter enters to fill herself a glass of water. she smiles fondly at thomas. "he's so smitten you know. head over heels." she rolls her eyes affectionately.

it takes months until thomas finally figures out the truth of what's going on. well, to say he figures it out is somewhat generous.

he's in the servants hall again, this time feeling a little despondent with a cup of tea. jimmy had gone to the pictures with alfred of all people, their friendship seemingly improved since jimmy's given up on chasing ivy's skirt. thomas is resolutely not waiting up to make sure jimmy gets home safe. anna is the only other person still up, and she sits opposite thomas stitching one of lady mary's hemlines in companionable silence.

thomas dwells on his own thoughts for a while, until anna rests her sewing on the table and fixes him with a worried look. "are you quite alright, mr barrow?"

"hm? oh, yes anna, i'm very well thank you." he takes a sip of his tea to hide his moue.

anna looks unconvinced. "thomas," she says seriously, "is it-- have you and jimmy had a falling out?"

that genuinely surprises thomas. for all his worry and sadness over jimmy's as yet unknown love interest, they'd never fallen out. "no, no, of course not. he's just busy, that's all, which is to be expected now he's, you know," thomas waves his cup vaguely in the air, "courting the mystery lady."

anna chokes on a laugh. "the mystery lady?"

"yes. he's-- he's courting someone, isn't he? everyone keeps saying that he's... or suggesting that he's taken with someone." Thomas adds somewhat bitterly, "seems quite serious if you ask me. not that he's told me anything about it of course."

anna stops giggling and looks at him oddly. "thomas you-- you can't mean--"

"-- do you know who she is, anna?" thomas interrupts a little desperately. he's becoming tired of it all and he just wants to know-- how bad it is, for how long he's going to have to tend to his broken heart.

"thomas. thomas, jimmy's sweetheart is-- well, it's you."

"me?" thomas has a brief, sickening memory of his feelings before, and how miss o'brien toyed with them so badly. but he knows in his gut, that anna would never, and could never do that. he knows she's being honest, as confusing and terrifying as the statement may be.

"yes." anna smiles. "he's like a little puppy when he's with you. surely you've noticed? he gazes at you with stars in his eyes. he wants to do everything you do, and it seems like every other conversation is all about what you've been telling him this week. he only ever plays love songs on the piano when you're in the room. he laughs at all your jokes and he's not even glanced in the direction of a girl since last year." anna shakes her head. "i thought you knew and were just letting him get used to it."

"no i didn't -- i didn't know, i thought," thomas can feel himself blushing, "i don't know what i thought."

anna stands with a stifled yawn. "you make each other very happy. if you really didn't know, i think you ought to talk to him. good night, mr barrow."

"good night anna. and thank you."

thomas is left in the still and quiet of the room, watching the steam spiral up from his cup. a private and hopeful smile spreads across his face. yes, he thinks, nodding his head, perhaps we should talk.

[teal-deer]

Thing I dislike a lot about the Neverending Story film: it turns the dad into just another Boring Absent 80s Dad in a Vague Corporate Business Job

In the book,

a) the dad is specifically a dentist, which I think is neat (it's like how Calvin's dad in Calvin & Hobbes is specifically a patent attorney) and

b) suffering from severe depression due to the death of his wife. His alienation from Bastian is specifically because of that.

The end of the book has Bastian bringing the Waters of Life back from the place between Fantastika and the Real to his dad. The literal water disappears from his hands, but he brings it with him anyway -- the light and hope of imagination and love. He reminds his father that even if Bastian's mother is gone, Bastian is still here, and he needs his father.

I think most importantly, that scene speaks to the fact that adults need stories and dreams too.

[byler-alarmist]

Well, after such a stressful morning, it was nice to go see the 40th anniversary screening of The Neverending Story with my sibling.

I was imagining Mike and Will sitting next to each other, watching it on a movie date in 1984

I'M FINE

[alectoperdita]

this is not relevant to the in-text story because it's rated T, but i need people to know

fox god Seto has a knot

[alexa-nowak]

Thoughts about Astarion's endings

In terms of romance,I personally prefer spawn ending, because,well,it's wholesome and it has it's bittersweet flavour that I usually adore in romance.

However...

I absolutely prefer Ascended Astarion from storytelling perspective and I think it looks more natural and logical as character development for him. I don't think that game gave us convincing "path to light" and redemption arc for Astarion. And it's a shame, really, because I see in his story great potential for interesting redemption arc and nice critique towards the judicial system, "abuser gets his punishment from a greater abuser" and all this intriguing dark stuff.

But his EA backstory got wiped, screenwriters added enormous amount of sugar and tears to his story and it ended up making it look so bleak in comparison with what we could get out of his arc. And in the end, for me his way towards becoming more evil than he was in Act 1 and getting lost in his hunger for power seems to be more true to his character than "change his mind with one dice roll" trick.

My heart definitely falls for spawn ending,yet my mind will always prefer "let's make this vicious man even more evil and powerful than he already was" over "cured by love" classical fairytale

[nayruwu]

um so. hi guys.

i'm currently rereading catastrophe and sending things i notice back and forth with my friend. very fun. but yesterday i came across this page, which is right after guren and mahiru sleep together. and it was like...

longing, huh. i do have a history with that word. so i jokingly messaged my friend going "haha, what if they used akogare here".

it was a joke. i was joking. i thought there was no way the original would say akogare. but guess what? they did. they did use akogare.

like the absolute champion he is my friend found the exact scene in the japanese version, and it's "紅蓮は肌で憧れを感じた".

the fucking 憧れ is back to terrorise me.

because up to this point i wasn't sure if they actually used the same word for mahiru's feelings towards guren as they did for shinya's in chapter 83. up to this point i could still convince myself that they really just meant admiration and my child wasn't actually caught up in some sad ass unrequited love. because it fits! shinya does admire guren! but you can't even say that they might mean longing for mahiru and admiration for shinya because mahiru literally used 憧れ for both her and shinya in the same damn sentence. and i don't think admiration fits mahiru's feelings. at all.

... which would also mean that both guren and mahiru actually are aware of shinya's feelings. which i'll be honest i personally did not think was the case. i thought they meant admiration. or that it was up to interpretation. i did.

what the actual fuck kagami i'm at your door

[cherubchoirs]

Apologies if this comes across as somewhat unhinged, but I'm having many thoughts and emotions with this layer, and the many many implications therein.

I think, now that we're getting a better picture of humanity's journey in the world of Ultrakill, that one of the major themes of the game is abandonment, and what is left in the aftermath. After the Long Night, humanity abandoned the machines for the most part, especially the Earthmovers and V1. Humans abandoned the Hell project and the terminals in the bowels of Hell. God abandoned Humanity and Heaven, giving up on them after so long.

And what happens afterwards?

Heaven falls apart, the Council attempting to maintain some form of order in the wake of chaos. The Earthmovers decay as monuments to failure. Machines without purpose as war ceases to be. The Hell expeditions... well. That brings me to my next point.

The victor in all of this, the one who gains? Hell. Hell, who welcomes in the abandoned and revels in Heaven's chaos. Who learns and feeds on the remnants of Humanity and God's failures. A place of cruelty that feeds on what's left behind and welcomes the last remnant of those left behind with open arms. V1. The final project of the war.

I just think abandonment runs through this game like a vein.

YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT!!! the game is laden with abandonment and utter neglect, that the things left behind are not taken care of, no loose ends tied, but instead left to rot indefinitely. and hell absolutely gains in this, because it was the very first of them all to be left behind - god's rejection of it and its subsequent neglect allowed it to grow as a garden left to weeds, and now it clothes itself in the robes of its abandonment. heaven crumbles into dysfunction, humanity grows calamitous, the machines run on automated, long-defunct orders, and hell, suddenly, becomes the house. it is the long abandoned work now left in a world full of nothing but the mirror-images of itself. ones that don't have its experience, its mind, its comfort in being what it is. everything we see in this world is an orphan, still alive, still doing its work, but forgotten by its maker. god left his creations and humans, in his image, did exactly the same with theirs. they were not destroyed. they were not repurposed. they were not guided into something better. they were all just left. and now hell delights in how they all face what it once did eons ago, reaping all the benefits of a chaos it has long since passed. it watches the machine continue without the maker, into a world of decayed automation. forever stuck doing pointless jobs, in heaven, in hell, in machinery. this world runs with no one at the helm, only the gears and cogs left behind that are rusting down into a catastrophic failure

[debbipete]

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