#why is my brain broken
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24 would be a vastly different show if 8 episodes a season were the characters sleeping
(no i have never watched an episode)
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guys this is a new low for me i am eating out of a tub of ice cream with no lights on in the house alone at the dinner table at almost 1am sobbing over satosugu tumblr posts and half of them are literally shitposts
where did i go wrong in my life to end up in this situation.
#jjk#why is my brain broken#i swear the new hyperfixations gotta chill each one is becoming stronger than the last#mortal kombat was like a trial run and jjk is like the final boss on max difficulty#except there is no side quests in between#and the only character development on my end was obtaining the ability to read 260 chapters in 20 hours
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need to start vaping. desperately need to stop getting dopamine hits from ~talking~ to people
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Hmm.. Just was listening to music, and the song Red Moon by Will Wood popped up on my playlist, and I realize that it fits perfectly for felix in emotion.
#why does this keep happening#why is my brain broken#oh shit villainous thing by shayfer james just came on!
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I HATE MY MOM
#sorry this is another vent post about dentists but I’m crying over filling a form out#my mom fucked me up so fucking bad I’m shaking and crying over a form?!?#A FUCKING FORM#why is my brain broken#why am I about to throw up over filling out medical history#this is so unfair#I can’t believe I have to deal with this for the rest of my fucking life#she’s dead and gone and yet I’m SCARED shitless#vent post#talking#god please ignore this#I’m literally sobbing I can’t believe it#do you know how debilitating ptsd is man#because this fucking sucks#I am am the fight person in fight flight or freeze but I can’t fight the dentist#they’re trying to help me#and yet I am in survival mode typing this my Adrenalin is at a high#over a form?!#fuck me ive been so good about not having those thoughts and I just got so anxious that I screamed I want to die over filling out a form#a form made me feel this way because my mother tried to kill me#thanks mom#thank you mother for leaving me with something that makes it so hard to live and exist#anyways if you know me in real life don’t read this#or do I don’t care#fuck#can’t wait to see the breakdown I have when I finally get my wisdom teeth out#brb going to puke now#bye
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anyone else ever have such a good day and then you just get a wave of sadness for no reason?
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Day 23 of Inktober “Rust”.
Rust develops on those areas that haven’t been used for a long time. You haven’t forgotten to use your heart, have you, Charles?
#charles xavier#professor x#professor xavier#x men comics#x men days of future past#x men first class#x men#x men movies#cerebro#x men dofp#dofp#fanart#artists on tumblr#procreate#inktober#inktober 2024#inktober day 23#that scene from dofp changed my brain chemistry when I was a teenager and now I’m gonna make it everyone else’s problem#well it’s also not exactly a cherik thing but we all know why his heart is broken#cherik
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Doodle for the Eden arc
#in stars and time#isat#isat siffrin#in stars and time siffrin#sorry but you only get the AU from me it's rotting my brain#not sure why they have the knife out but now I want them to go at it#let Siffrin stab the red crystal broken star thingy that broke his home for fun#that's not how the game goes but the mental image of him digging the dagger in and make it burst into shards has that je ne sais quoi#asil and art
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Sorry, but I can’t stop think about this right here…
#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#league of villains#bnha#mha#lov#shigaraki tomura#tenko shimura#bnha shigaraki#mha shigaraki#bnha season 7#mha season 7#LIKE— it’s stronger than me… these words keep replaying in my brain#and they actually destroy me ngl because he is right. HE GOT A POINT.#before you are ‘broken’ everyone doesn’t even spare a glance at you… some even might just downplay your pain…#but as soon as you ‘get out of character’ or explode after years of swallowing everything… you just become a ‘crazy bitch’ or ‘the problem’#which i personally think is sick and twisted because as soon as you choose to stop endure and stand up for yourself…#not only peoples look at you… but they even have the guts to call you dramatic problematic and crazy when you’re just HURT#and you were driven to that point by THE SAME persone who call you dramatic and sensitive who lack accountability#because their egocentrism narcissism and arrogance doesn’t allow them to think of themselves to be at fault#hori manipulating and brainwashing everyone into thinking that the lov weren’t onto something right here makes me nauseous…#like— no. FUCK. NO. WHY ARE YOU INVALIDITATING ALL OF THE LOVs FEELINGS?????? STOP IT. USE YOUR BRAIN DAMMIT.
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#faye's polls#writeblr questions#writeblr polls#writing polls#writing questions#neurodivergent#neurotypical#neurodiversity#adhd problems#writers with adhd#writers with autism#just adhd things#adhd writers#i HATE having adhd yet also being a super creative person lmao it's like WHY did i get this super creative yet broken brain#i'm really curious to see the results because i love writing but it's so damn hard#i have adhd and it's SO challenging for me to even do tasks that make me happy WITH medication#so i am really hoping to connect with other writers who are going through the same struggles as me#and see if we can share tips and help each other out#because this world is NOT built for people with neurodivergent brains and it's hard out here! *cries in adhd*#so i think it's so important to interact with others and be part of a community that helps each other thrive#please and thank you if you reblog this i really appreciate it#have a blessed day my creative friends <3
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Eve: "Regarding the lyrics, this time its about portraying the conflicts and feelings of the characters in Jujutsu kaisen. This kind of feeling inside me, made me choose the characters one by one and thus write the lyrics. I don't dare to say where or who..."
Also Eve:
Alternative translations: 1 2 3 4
The lyrics hit different after ch 271. I kinda want this to be the op for s4 ngl
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#ryomen sukuna#gojo satoru#sukugo#my post#this is all eve all I did was take a screen shot at the convenient time to further my Sukugo agenda lol#I think the characters this is about are Sukuna Megumi gojo and maaaaybe yuji and yuta#But I think it's mainly about Sukuna's feelings during the shinjuku showdown especially towards gojo#It's art anyone can interpret it the way they want#but “my passion that towards you only cuts through the air like a wish” while showing the prison cube getting cut in half... yeah...#Also “lost emotions”??? Like what? Nervousness? Lmao#Love is when he makes you feel nervous for the first time in a thousand years#“thoughts voice words and lost emotions and love spin and spin towards the chance of victory” I love the use of the word “spin” here#cuz mahoraga's wheel spinning was like a count down for the you know what#I like how it starts with Sukuna's finger box and ends with it note how it has this black sludge thingy around it in the beginning#but in the end it's cleared (watch the video)#“Expectations overlap with regrets” *Shows their hands reaching* o m g????? That other hand is definitely Sukuna's it has black nails!!!#The other hand we see coming out of an eye !!!!!!#“the memory and love to be hidden and the eternal identity till death shall it be fine to keep them staying” While showing the last finger#And that heart cut in half!!!! it's probably about kashimo but kashimo was only created to bring the subtext into text anyways sooo...#That brain is definitely yuta taking over and I'd like to think that broken sphere is yuta's domain barriers that shattered in ch 263#Expectations overlap with regrets indeed 😏 that being the slowest part of the song is so fucking funny Sukuna's really missing his wife#To me now this song is about Sukuna's unspoken love and regret and preserving this love and memory for as long as his remains exist#Also there's a line in the song about these feelings “riding on the past and future” which is just aghhhh reminds me of Kashimo's question#why mince your soul into cursed objects and watch all those years go by what were you looking for#Sukuna literally time travelled met his love said he will remember him for as long as he lives and died in the same fucking day#only for his remains to stay protecting japan and preserve that memory The body is the soul and the soul is the body yeah?#Also Sukuna is basically tengen now so the six eyes is bound to him 😉 Gojo is the reason Sukuna's memory is preserved and vice versa#kenjaku baby trapped him to do bad things gojo finger trapped him into becoming Japan's protector against curses... Gojo best wife
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#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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Ship: BJ Hunnicutt/Trapper John McIntyre, established BJ Hunnicutt/Hawkeye Pierce and Trapper John McIntyre/Hawkeye Pierce
Rating: E
Word Count: 8.6k
Note: This is an AU where Frank goes home instead of Trapper, so BJ, Trapper, and Hawkeye are all in the Swamp at the same time. I'd intended to save this for the upcoming Rare Pair Exchange, but everyone has had such a rough time over the past few days that I decided we can all have an early treat instead :)
"Something's gotta be eatin' at you if you're being like this." McIntyre's voice warms. "S'it hurtin' you, I mean?" Oddly BJ's vision blurs for a second, but a few blinks clear it right up. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." McIntyre heaves a sigh. "C'mere." "Why?" BJ stiffens, frowns. The cot squeaks violently. "Will you just c'mere?" As far as he can tell, there's only one reason why McIntyre would tell him to come to his bed if Hawk turned him down, one that's never been relevant before this exact moment. Though BJ's cheeks begin to burn, he pulls a lever in his brain, alters the funhouse mirrors in there so he can't see what has him suddenly thirsty. "I don't need any pity." "Listen," McIntyre grunts as he sits up, a slightly darker shape than the all-encompassing night. "I'm just sayin' if you're that hard up for a lay and you're too goddamn prissy to deal with your own hand, then get over here and take it out on me, all right?"
#no idk why i'm just posting fic but still am too stressed to be on discord or tumblr this is just how my broken brain is doing rn haha#beejtraphawk#beejtrap#bj hunnicutt#trapper john mcintyre#hawkeye pierce#my writing#meet me in the dark
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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.
#I fucking hate having bpd#while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you#I feel so stupid#I feel so stupid for believing all the lies#but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist#I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed#it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time#I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead#it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid#being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world#for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately#like that was the plan all along#he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day#I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me#i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him#I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me#not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together#I’ll never be that beautiful again#and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over#it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all#he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up#nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken#it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover#I deserved it but it still hurts my heart#I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me#there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other#but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked#why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient
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"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.
#house md#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#johan being crazy about yaoi md#johan's mindpalace#Im crazy#like im tearing up#this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous#the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken#I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh#Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice#do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening#its been months since i finished house md#and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart#shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has#since day 1 episode 1#Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life#Like im actually never recovering#people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont#Im going through withdrawls#I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move#House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick#Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil#This is not what the stonewall riots were for#I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup#Why couldnt i like music and girls#Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy#Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head#Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr
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this isn't what happened just before the Fall?
#good omens#this is so bad im sorry my brain is currently broken#why am i even awake#if god were real she would zap me to sleep rn now#(this is a challenge)
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