#why is it always your Uri that brings out the sadness in me

[catleha]

@scionsect asked: "I adore thee too, Y’shtola." another drabble nobody asked for.

   ‹  HOW ODD & UNEXPECTED; yet certainly neither ignored nor frowned upon. Nay, own days of spite & nagging whenever one wagered to EXPRESS some form of affection towards her had long passed. The witch was many things but nothing close to immature. – a ‘stubborn mule’, mayhap, ever prone to deny & defy, alas, but quite frankly a creature simply soothed by those she had begun to call “her dearest”. The astronomer belonged to these chosen few; why, she had found in him someone beyond measure / an ally / trusted friend midst this oh so hostile lot. Perhaps it was inane, to thus permit him to see aspects of a fractured identity that others never dared to even THINK about. To allow HIM to sense the very disruption oh so evident in the way the hooded sage would oft carry herself; anguished, pained by something that invested limb & mind alike. Aye, the lifestream had always been both a culprit & a source of power. – truly, it had unlocked layers upon layers of FORBIDDEN MAGIC one of her scholarly kind had eagerly studied only to NOW wield the fruits of her labor [’tis a sacrifice more like; grim & horrid & wrecking]; both did… to a degree. 

     Mayhap this was the sole reason why trust had, first & foremost, been established, why one allowed him to lay hand on wounds she could no longer mend herself / to combat aether procured fatigue – to admit that prior prowess had been scorched & charred; eyes naught but a piteous mess of brightened white. Say, do you still consider your loss of sight as a suitable punishment for foolery & failure?

    He ever so vehemently disagreed.

       ❛ none of that mush, Urianger, ‘tis does little more than coerce me to question my decisions in all matters personal. ❜ 'twas again, a mere scold. – though she kept herself from lashing out [aye, a witch had indeed mastered the art of ACCEPTING compliments & the likes], she ought to chide him more, to grab whatever sentiment loomed yonder & pluck it out; destroy what little love others felt for a being so utterly beyond being worthy of such, chastise what could be seen as naught but an error. Why, who could feel anything but disdain for a wild girl turned mage turned woman turned sinner, driven to dip head & toe into forbidden wells & complain the very moment she began to drown? -- oh, young had she been & harebrained / condemn yourself for messing with forces too vast to be simply learned & look upon him with but a pained smile, a trembling bottom lip, trying your utmost not to burst into tears --  nay, this would not do. 

     To be so sentimental was naught but a blunder / to pay any heed to his brotherly affection would prove her downfall. For it was easy to conceal worry & grief & self-loathe when being observed from a distance merely muttering objections to yet another of Thancred’s foolhardy plans. Letting none of them know about the ache coursing through her veins akin to molten metal, scorching insides & skin / wrecking the body she oh so lovingly exposed to most dire conditions, was the least she could do to contribute to their heroic acts; a thought that made the scar etched into her very breast itch. -- ah, own sins had robbed her physical form of years already, alas there was no way to prevent the inevitable -- again, aetherial sight & the powers at her disposal demanded more than she could give & oh, was she too haughty, too prideful, too self-depriving & selfless to ask for help.

     ❛ pray, if your adoration is that vivid, use it to lend me a hand. – ❜ there, shifting in her seat, tattered cloak draped across slim shoulders, the sage simply exhales; allows a petite sigh to pass parted lips. To feign displeasure, nay, vexation mayhaps, no matter how out of place it seemed. After all, there was no one here but them; cordially close, fingers running across ancient pages, succumbing to their favorite pastime. Dearest Urianger, words could not express what his very presence meant -- probably never would. He knew, perhaps, that her respond meant naught more than a soft affirmation veiled behind one’s inability to be blunt in such matters. -- peculiar, she thought, for what was bluntness if not one of her trademarks?  ❛ aye, ‘tis a passage I cannot decipher, I am afraid. ❜

     Cue glance’s ascent, blind eyes gazing into his very direction. Exhaustion had turned his form into a pulsating mass of glimmering aether, languidly dispersing, only to reappear at the corner of her sight. Aye, fatigue clung to her, as per usual, threatening to claim what little was left of her ability to stay alert & awake. The strength to defy his genuine camaraderie had long waned, leaving unexpressed sentiments lingering beneath the surface; willing to seize the moment, to spill forth & shatter the very facade one had so carefully built. Oh, a compromise then, show him but a little; grant him the affection he undoubtedly deserves.

     Lo, a  smile, heartfelt this time, devoid of sass & pragmatism. ‘twas a gentle gesture [rare, indeed], an unspoken invitation to move closer / an unvoiced confession, a long dreaded demand for aid pressed into a whisper / tone brimming with subtle resentment for no one but herself.  ❛ be my eyes, if you will. ❜ 

[your-eternal-muse]

I Watch Your Eyes

Heather Series Part Three

Part One  Part Two

Summery: Reader isn’t one for parties. What happens at one solidifies that for her.

Words: 1.7k (they’re getting longer folks, just you wait)

Warnings: Drinking, mentions of vomiting, description of breakdown, swearing, ANGST

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Heather, Spencer Reid x eventual Female!Reader, Platonic!JJ x Platonic!Reader

A/N: Y’all......it hurt to write this. I broke my own damn heart, which hopefully means it’s good. Also, Heather needs a last name and I just can’t bring it in me to think of one. Suggestions? Anyway, Tag List is open! Enjoy this painful chapter!

I’ve never been one for parties.

Small get-togethers at Rossi’s with the team, that’s different.

That’s family.

But wearing a cocktail dress and being around people I didn’t even know worked in the department? Sucks ass.

So, why am I here again?

Oh yeah.

I have to be here. Hotch’s orders.

I have to smile and exchange pleasantries and sip more champagne than I’d like to admit to.

But mostly, because Spencer asked me to be,

“Please? I just really want you there. I’m planning something, and I’d really like my best friend there.”

I have no backbone.

 I caved as soon as he said please.

I don’t know what he’s planning. I don’t even know what he's thinking half the time.

I used to know him like the back of my hand.

No, I don’t think I even know myself.

But here I stand, around a table, sipping on champagne, not really listening to the conversation the girls are having around me, wishing I was anywhere else but in this banquet hall, watching him twirl her around in her pretty pink dress.

“Y/nnnn…” A sing-song voice hits my ears and a hand waves in front of my face.

I blink, coming back to the present. “Yeah? What were we talking about?”

JJ laughs. “Where are you tonight? You’ve been staring off into space for the past 15 minutes.”

I scoff, shifting my weight on my feet. 

Stupid, fucking heels.

“No, I haven’t. I’ve just been….admiring Heather's dress.”

All their eyes turn to look, and they hum in agreement.

A beautiful rose gown adorns her body, flaring at the waist, flowing around her as she spins.

I’m sure Spencer is the one who bought it for her.

She was the center of attention tonight, though I’m sure she’s used to it at this point in her life.

“She’s gorgeous.” Emily says, swaying her head slightly to the music.

I’m sure she’s fully aware of that, Emily.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this happy.” Penelope smiles, gazing happily at them. 

JJ glances at me, a soft look in her eyes.

I can’t help but agree.

He’s glowing.

His eyes are brighter than I’ve ever seen them.

I don’t think he’s stopped smiling since he met her.

You’d never make him that happy.

I down the rest of my champagne.

“Well, watching them dance makes me want to, so I’m off to search for my knight in shining armour. I’ll see you all later, my loves.” Penelope blows a kiss, before she leaves in search of Derek, and I watch as the song ends, and they exchange a kiss before Heather walks back over to her table, and he makes his way towards us.

“I didn’t take you as someone who danced, Spence.” Emily questions, taking a drink from her own glass.

He laughs, adjusting his tie and running a hand through his hair. “She convinced me.” He wipes his palms on his pants.

“You okay there Spencer? You seem nervous.” JJ speaks with a chuckle in her voice. 

If only I could be so light hearted.

“I will be.” He turns, smiling at me. “Thanks for coming tonight. It means a lot to me that you’re here.”

I reach up and straighten his tie, smoothing down his jacket, smiling up at him genuinely for the first time in what feels like years.

Huh.

I guess it has been a little over a year since I met Heather.

“Anything for you Spence.”

“I missed that smile.”

You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?

I can’t help the blush that spreads across my cheeks. I don’t know how to respond to that, so I simply don’t say anything. 

He doesn’t seem to notice.

He takes a deep breath. “Wish me luck.”

I roll my eyes, and chuckle. “Good luck with whatever it is you’re planning.”

“It’s a surprise. For everyone.”

I see him swallow and take a final deep breath before he walks away, back towards his table where Heather stands, charming the people around her.

The wheels begin to turn in my head.

“What do you think he’s on about?” Emily asks, laughter lacing her words.

I watch as he stands next to her, grabbing her hands to hold them within his own.

“Who knows what goes on inside his head nowadays.” 

I can feel JJ staring at me, but I can’t take my eyes off the scene playing out in front of me.

They exchange a few words, and then he’s on his knee,holding out something for her.

Her hands cover her mouth.

No...

“Oh my god.” 

Emily and JJ follow my line of sight and I can hear happy gasps as Heather exclaims “Yes! Yes I will marry you!” for the world to hear.

The hall erupts into cheers and applause and I. Can’t. Breath.

“Y/n? Are you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.” JJ’s voice is soft, and motherly.

I wish someone would scream at me.

“I’m fine. Just too much champagne. I’ll be right back, promise.”

The words don’t even register before I’m walking away from the happy moment.

Their happy moment.

I barely make it out of the hall before I burst into tears, a hand clasps over my mouth to keep the sobs and bile back.

I run down the hallway, slamming into the bathroom, rushing into a stall where I promptly empty my stomach of tonight.

This is it. There’s no chance anymore You missed it. And now you have to live with the fact that he will never love you like her loves her. It’s your fault you feel this way, and no one else's. Your fault.

I reach up and flush, falling to sit on the floor and lean against the wall of the stall.

I hold my arm over my mouth, trying to swallow down the sobs that threaten to echo throughout the building.

The door opens, and heels click to stand in front of my stall.

“Y/N?”

It’s JJ.

Her voice is laced with concern.

I try to take a deep, quiet breath, but it comes out shuddery.

Fake it ‘till you make it, right?

“I’ll be right out, JJ, just needed a minute. Go join the celebration.” My voice cracks at the end and I want to hit myself.

She’s quiet for a moment.

“I know, y/n. Please open the door.”

God fucking damnit.

I sniffle, reaching up to slide the latch over, before pushing it open.

She sits down next to me, and without asking, pulls me into her arms.

I let go.

I curl myself into her, and sob.

Sob for the what if’s and could have beens, for the future I saw between us, for the chances I should have taken but didn’t, for the fact that Spencer Reid deserves someone so much better for a best friend.

She rubs my back and holds me close until the sobs have subsided.

“How did you know?” My words are wet.

“It’s the way you look at him. Like he’s your entire world. Like you would do anything for him.” She brushes some hair out of my eyes, and swipes away some of the tears that are still falling down my face.

“It’s the way he used to look at me.” 

Her smile is sad, and her eyes are distant.

“Does anyone else know?” That’s the last thing I need. For everyone to figure out my secret, to look at me like I’m a child who’s upset they can’t get what they wanted.

She shakes her head.

“No, not that I know of.”

Good to know my acting skills are solid.

I nod, standing up and walking over to the sink.

My eyes are red and puffy. Streaks are run through my foundation, and mascara coats my cheeks.

There’s no salvaging this.

JJ sets her purse down on the counter, digging through it until she pulls out a small pack of makeup wipes.

“I always end up taking off my makeup before I leave these things anyway.”

She hands one to me, and the small smile on my face isn’t forced.

“Thank you.”

She smiles back, and we both turn to the mirror, wiping off the evenings makeup and any signs of breakdown.

My eyes are still puffy, but I can blame that on getting sick.

She hands me a container of mints, and I open it, popping one into my mouth before closing it, and returning it to her.

The air is quiet between us.

“I was planning on telling him. The day I met her, I was going to tell him.”

I bite my lip to hold back more tears.

“I love him, JJ. I love him so much, and he’s never gonna love me the same way. How do I go on, living my life like it never happened?”

I’m cold. 

My chest feels hollow and heavy at the same time.

“I don’t know. I wish I did, but I don’t.” She grabs my hand, holding it between hers. “But I do know that you’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to bare the weight of it alone anymore.”

I nod, pulling her in for a hug, my arms around her waist, my face in her neck.

A home hug.

“Thank you, Jennifer.”

I feel her breath hitch.

She kisses the side of my head. “You’re welcome, y/n.”

We break, and I wipe away a few straggling tears before standing straight, and shoving a smile on my face.

She walks out first, and I follow, trying to look as okay as you can after having a breakdown on a bathroom floor.

We make our way back to our table, and I see JJ shoot a glance at Emily that tells her not to ask questions.

Spencer and Heather are standing in the middle of the hall, glasses of champagne in hand.

He has an arm wrapped around her waist, and he keeps glancing down at her. 

For a moment, his eyes scan the crowd, and when they land on mine, his smile grows.

He raises his glass, and I raise my empty one.

He laughs.

My hands shake as I set my glass down and he goes back to the conversation around him.

Another glance down at her, a kiss placed on her temple.

I down the rest of JJ’s drink when she’s not looking.

God, I fucking hate parties.

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[lexsssu]

Shall We Date: Worship Me AU - Uriel (Avatar of Chastity)

What if the MC gets transported to the Celestial Realm instead? What if the angels were the love interests?

GENERAL HCs

Uriel — “The Flame of God/God is my Light”

Has a penchant for perfection

Give him a task and you bet your ass he’ll come back finished with results so phenomenal you’re sure that if you did it, there’s no way it would turn out this great

Reserved, but not exactly anti-social

It’s not that he doesn’t want to talk about himself whenever people ask about him, but it’s just that he thinks there are a million other things that are worth more to converse about than his exploits or the things he enjoyed

Chastity doesn’t just mean staying pure by abstaining from sexual relations and the lack of temptations one experiences, but being placed in the face of temptation and yet staying true to one’s morals. This is why Uriel doesn’t condemn anyone who decides to engage in such acts, whether within the sanctity of marriage or not, whether it is done because all parties hold sincere feelings for one another or not.

Gone is the ancient time and the rules that once applied then cannot be the same for current times. This is why Uriel has made it his mission to continuously study about humans, to stay up to date with the way they thought and felt so as he can better serve as a guiding beacon to them

When he’s not busy with his regular duties, you would normally find Uriel at the Celestial realm’s library with stacks of reference books on his table. Time is nothing to them, which is why for him it felt as if humans changed too quickly in so little time

An ideology that may have taken decades or centuries to form is but a blink of an eye to them which is why Mr. Perfectionist can’t help but immediately want to be informed in the hopes that it will help him improve himself

If he doesn’t keep adding and updating to his knowledge then how can he even hope to be one of the guiding virtues of humanity with outdated ideals?

Ideals can and will change over time, but his morals are the one thing that Uriel will never change.

His mind and body may be corrupted over time, because eternity is such a long time indeed, but the morals that made him who he is, what HE is will always stay the same

Tbh you can’t tempt this guy with anything

If you do manage to “tempt” him, know that you didn’t actually succeed but he just liked/pitied you enough to go with whatever fuckery you wanted him to commit

That's why he normally agrees with whatever bullshit his twin brother, Gabriel, tries to wrangle him into

Uriel ain't doing it because Gabriel tempted him, but because he loved his twin so much that he's willing to indulge him whenever he wanted to fuck shit up

Gabriel is the one who starts messes and Uriel is the one who just lets him be, because he's a supportive big brother

...Much to most of the other virtues' ever increasing stress

Is an advocate of "actions speak louder than words"

He's a serial head-patter

Will boop your nose when he notices you're a bit too lost in your thoughts

Azrael is normally the victim of his headpats and nose-boops

Since he makes it his job to know all that IS known, he finds some modicum of interest in that of the UNknown

Things like extraterrestrial beings for example. Basically, anything that didn't belong to any of the 3 worlds was within his scope of interest

If you check his YouTube history you'll see it's filled with UFO sightings, conspiracy theories, UMAs, etc.

Probably joined that raid in Area 51 while undercover—

Asks Gabriel to bring him souvenirs and pictures whenever his job takes him to a location near hotspots for UMAs, UFOs, and other strange otherworldly phenomena

Reminds Azrael every now and then to inform him if he ever ferries a soul that had come across any UMA and ask them about their encounter

As the virtue of chastity, it's up to him to teach the little cherubims about the birds and the bees as part of their training to become full-fledged angels

More often than not, his terminology and clinical way of explaining has traumatized most of the little ones…

...much to Raphael's increasing stress

"And then the man will place his pe*** inside the woman's va**** where he would start thrusting continu—"

What's worse is that he even has diagrams for it

So many little cherubims lost their innocence to Uriel-sensei…

He doesn't purposely try to annoy Raphael unlike Gabriel, it's just that his actions and way of going about things aren't the way most people would fo it and what's worse is that he unintentionally traumatizes people

And it's usually up to Raphael to do damage control on all the virtues' behalf

Raphael almost killed him that day he had to give that talk to Luke and his batch

"...What's wrong about telling them what happens between a man and a woman? It's biology and something that's done frequently by humans"

He doesn't see the point of beating around the bush when their purpose was to teach the new recruits about humanity and everything about them, including how they reproduce

Favorite food is pancakes…

...because they look like flying saucers

Uriel enjoys stargazing at night, not just to look at the heavenly bodies but to spot any UFOs if he's lucky enough

He isn't particularly bad at cooking, but he's not great either

Pancakes are what he's most confident in cooking and he makes the best darn ones in all of the celestial realm

If he's the only one left at home and you're sick, don't expect chicken soup and be ready instead for a stack of warm and fluffy pancakes topped with some butter and generous helping of syrup, whipped cream, berries, and etc.

When the day finally comes that he falls in love with someone...the 3 worlds will know true fear—

But legit though, all those millennia of being a single pringle and practicing so much restraint flies out the window when this man finds himself utterly and deeply in love with you

JP VA: Daisuke Ono

ENG VA: Matthew Mercer

ROMANTIC HCs

He's read so much about the different forms of love and has felt them all except for romantic love so he's a bit rattled at first

Probably coops himself up in his room for a day or two to get his bearings

When he does finally step foot out of his room, there isn't any obvious changes at first but you can't help but feel that there's something different about Uriel

Uriel is now a man on a mission

As perfectly as he executed his tasks for millennia, as fierce as he wielded his flaming sword during the Great War against the rebels, and as ruthless as he was when he faced the truly wicked…

…Uriel will have you

Of course, regardless of how much he wanted you to become his that didn't mean he suddenly turned into some sort of barbaric brute that kidnapped women for sport

He will study you so thoroughly that at times it almost feels like he knows you more than you know yourself

The little mannerisms you make during your everyday life that escape your notice? It's a given that Uriel has seen and already safely filed them away in his mind for future reference

"...She likes pointing with her lips?...Cute…" What he wouldn't give to catch you doing that while he was with you so he could partake of your lips as well—

Once he’s interested in you, only God knows at this point what has to be done for him to even lose a small bit of it

You have essentially become a key figure in Uriel’s world

Uriel always has you at the back of his mind to the point that it could even be called obsessive

However, he’s still the virtue of chastity so you don’t have to worry about him ever forcing himself upon you or anything of that sort

He’s super clingy and sorta weird, but he loves you and the last thing he wanted is for you to become sad because of him or anything else

Though he honestly can’t deny that seeing the myriad of expressions on your face, from happiness to sadness, to surprise, excitement, anger, and etc. was one of his favorite hobbies ever since falling for you

Despite his earnest wish to make you his, Uriel surprisingly takes a long time to even confess

He’s a perfectionist so it’s a given that he’ll take everything into account, including how he’ll make you fall for him first before he even thinks about confessing

Bothers Raphael for some “research material” on how to woo you a.k.a. borrow some romance manga despite Raph’s initial protests

For the sake of his own sanity, Raph begrudgingly lends Uri his stash of romance manga

It’s both hilarious and somewhat disturbing to see how taken he is with something other than work and UMAs

Amused: Michael, Cainabel, Gabriel, Simeon

Scared/Disturbed: Raphael, Luke

Neutral/Confused: Seraphiel, Azrael

Secretly plays the alto saxophone, but doesn’t deem his skill worthy enough for you to hear so he practices when he’s absolutely sure that no one is there to hear him when his skills aren’t yet up to his standards

Lowkey jealous when you hangout with the demon brothers and tries to find ways to distract you from hanging out with them

“ I seem to have seen a creature most extraordinary earlier. I believe it was one of the UMAs detailed in the tome for mysterious dwellers of the nether. Mayhaps you’d like to accompany me on a hunt? ”

His face is as straight-laced as it always is, but if you knew him long enough and looked closer, you’d notice that his ears seemed to have the slightest twinge of redness to them.

Honestly speaking, he tries to be a smooth and cool boi when it comes to you, but this dork seems to lose all his tact when faced with the radiance of your eyes and the intensity of your smile

With how long it takes him to make everything perfect before he woo’s you, time and space itself will cease to exist before he finally deems himself ready

So you have to do the wooing yourself and show him that you love all of him, imperfections and quirkiness included

[stenbrozier]

Stumbling Hearts (Past!Stanley Uris x Reader/Current!Bill Denbrough x Reader)

“hi love! could you write a fic for Stanley's POV where he and the reader dated but he broke up with her and Bill took care of her and they eventually got together and Stanley's just jealous? and can it be based on "If I Really Love You" by Lexi Jayde? ty”- @gogo-is-cooler-than-you

Warnings: over dramatic!Stanley Uris. angst, couples fighting (yelling + light shoving), underage drinking, crying + swearing

A/N: This fic is based on a few events from my past relationship and how he and I broke up, so it’s going to hit close to home!!! You were warned :)

——————————————————————————

“You can’t just tell me not to go somewhere, Stanley,” you yelled angrily, trying to maneuver around him so that you could get to your backpack that was sitting on his bed. He crossed his arms over his chest and slid across the floor every time you tried to go around him. “Stan, let me go see Beverly. We’ve had this night planned for weeks.”

He huffed, planting his feet firmly on the floor. “We never hang out anymore, (Y/N). Just spend one night with me. You’re so distant lately.” You stopped trying to get around him, looking at him wide eyed as you crossed your arms over your chest. “You...you never ever sleepover anymore, you don’t talk to me for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time. I miss you, Baby.”

You looked him dead in the eye, sucking on your teeth before answering. “You’re the one who’s busy with all your classes. You’re so smart that you always have to study and you never want me to stay ‘too long’. I need attention. Beverly gives me attention. Bill gives me-“

“Bill?” he asked shocked, his arms falling down to his sides as his whole body sagged. “Bill.” He turned around, tears in his eyes as he grabbed your backpack, throwing it back in your direction. “Go then. Go see Bev.”

“Stan, I didn’t mean it like that with Bill,” you answered, still an edge of annoyance in your voice as you saw how upset he was getting. He has been ignoring you for weeks, not completely, but he didn’t offer for you to sleepover or to go to the diner. Yes, he was busy with finals, but that didn’t give him an excuse to just throw you to the side. “Stan, I’m only hanging out with Bev today. I-I don’t know why I brought up Bi-“

“I think we should take a break,” he said, his voice muffled by his palms being in his face. “I-I need to focus on school and you...I don’t know what you need to do, but-“

“So you’re giving up?” you asked, sadness washing over you as you noticed his fragile frame. He curled up on his bed, knees now to his chest. “Just throwing two years away?” He shook his head, his hands going down to the bed with a surprisingly loud thump.

“Fucking leave,” he screamed, his voice cracking dramatically. “I’m done. Out. Get the fuck out of my house. Grab your shit.”

“So now you’re breaking,” you sniffled, interrupting yourself with a voice crack, “breaking up with me?” You looked at Stan has he lifted his head up, his eyes puffy and red as he nodded slightly, breaking down in tears again. You nodded, wiping the tears off of your cheeks.

“I’ll bring all your stuff that’s at mine by in the next couple days,” you calmly responded. “You better have all my shit together, too.”

You swung the backpack over your shoulders, stomping out of his room, slamming the door shut behind you. You noticed Mrs. Uris standing at the bottom of the steps, concern washing over her face as she saw the tears running down your face.

“So I’m guessing you’re not staying for dinner?” she asked a bit awkwardly, wringing her hands in front of her as you shook your head. “Is he...”

“He’s crying if you want to go comfort him,” you answered softly. “Thank you for offering dinner. I’m sure I’ll see you at some point, not soon though.”

“Okay, Dear,” she answered distractedly, rushing upstairs to see how her son was doing. You grabbed your shoes from in front of the door, slipping them on as you rushed out the front door. You grabbed your bike, sniffling as you tried to stop crying enough to get to the quarry safely. Ultimately, you decided to head home instead, opting to explain your absence to Bev tomorrow.

You now laid in your bed, snuggling up to one of his sweaters that you, unfortunately, offered to give back. He wouldn’t miss one of them, you thought pensively. It was his giant, olive green one that made him look like a grandpa. It had swallowed him whole, which meant it was like a dress, and then some, on you. You sniffled and took heavy breaths, tears falling from your eyes and your nose being so full of mucus that you couldn’t even breath.

“He didn’t mean that,” you said to yourself softly as you sat up against your headboard. “He still loves me. He still...” Your voice trailed off as sobs racked through your body, and you pushed the hoodie further to your face. You heard a soft knock on your door, your mom calling you from the other side to tell you that there was someone on the phone for you. You told her that you’d be down in a minute, wiping the tears out of your eyes as you stood up from your bed. When you walked out the door, your mom kissed your forehead and followed you down the steps.

“Hello?” you said into the phone, your voice thick with sadness.

“I-It’s Bill,” the voice on the other end answered. You smiled softly, looking down at your feet. “S-s-stan told me what h-happened and I f-figured I’d ask y-y-you if you were ok-k-kay.” You sighed into the phone, feeling tears sting at the corner of your eyes once again.

“Yeah, I’m okay”, you lied blatantly, holding back the tears as your voice cracked. “I’m okay, Bill. Don’t worry about me.”

“I-I’m coming to p-p-pick you up and we’re going to g-go to the quarry, o-okay?” His voice was full of confidence, despite the stuttering, and he sounded as if he wanted to see you.

“Okay, I’ll be ready,” you answered, bidding him a quick goodbye. “Mom, Bill’s coming to pick me up so I won’t be having dinner with you guys.” You heard her put a pot down in the kitchen as she hollered back an “Okay, I’ll save some anyway!”

You went upstairs, changing into Stanley’s hoodie and pulling it on, slipping on your sneakers and walking out to sit on your front step and wait for Bill. A few minutes later, he pulled up in his beat up Saturn, waving at you from the driver’s side. You stood up, hugging the hoodie closer to your body as you hopped into his passenger’s side. He reached over and squeezed your knee, giving you an apologetic smile.

“I-I was thinking w-we could catch a m-m-movie at the Aladdin and then g-go to the d-diner for dinner in-instead,” he piped up as he pulled off towards the center of town. “I-I’ll p-p-p-pay.” He looked over briefly, giving you a soft smile.

“Yeah, Bill, thank you,” you answered timidly, running your right hand over your opposite arm and bringing your knees up in the seat. “You don’t have to. We can just hang out at your house if you want.” He scoffed, shaking his head.

“If S-stan couldn’t give you a pr-pr-proper date night, then I-I’m going t-t-to.” You blushed at his words, a real and big smile spreading across your face as he pulled into the parking lot by the movie theatre. He ran around to your side of the car, opening the door for you with a smile and a light blush on his cheek.

After that night, you were with Bill every night, either at your house or his, hanging out and getting to know each other more. You and Bill had always been close, ever since you were little, but he was telling you things about him that you have never heard before. He was taking you on more dates, eventually starting to hold your hand and kiss your cheek; however, you did nothing in front of the Losers. Stanley was still struggling with the breakup, being very distant when you were around and only giving you tight lipped smiles and side glances. You and Bill didn’t want to make him feel completely isolated, so you just kept it to yourselves. The only person who knew that there was anything between you guys was Bev.

She had found out that you guys were messing around when she saw you and him at the Aladdin, making out in the back row when when and Ben had come to see a movie. She confronted you both right after, in the lobby, and all three of you vowed not to say anything to Stan.

Until Stan found out that is.

You and Bill made the stupid mistake of kissing goodbye in the hallway after last period because he had baseball, and Stan had caught you two on the way to the locker room. When you had left, Stan cornered Bill, holding him against the wall by his shirt as he yelled at him for “taking his girl.” The only reason you heard about it was because Bill recounted the incident to you, which caused you to flip out on Stan. Stan avoided the hangouts for a little while after, choosing to “focus more on classes” instead of fooling around and getting drunk. That lead to all the other Losers finding out about you and Bill’s exploits.

That lead you to tonight, the first time you had seen Stan in the clubhouse since the end of March. It was the weekend before your graduation, and you all wanted to get together before the family parties that littered the summer weekends up until August. Richie, like usually, brought a bunch of beer and a bottle of vodka. You all took turns taking swigs from it until it was finished and you were all giggly. All except Stan. Stan was seething in the corner while everyone sat on the couple old mattresses that you all had managed to fit down there a few years back. He was sitting on a little bar stool, his eyes stuck on you and Bill.

Bill’s arm was around your waist, you sitting in between his spread legs, and his chin was resting on your shoulder. You were all laughing at something Mike had said when suddenly Stan’s beer clattered to the ground, cracking and spilling out the bottom. He stormed out of the clubhouse, slamming the door shut. You were immediately on your feet, handing Bill your beer as you ran after him. As you peered your head out into the Barrens, you saw him leaning against a tree.

“Stanley?” you called out, slightly worried as you stepped closer to him. “Stanley.” You said his name again but more stern, catching his attention as he had a scowl on his face and tears in his eyes. He pushed himself off the tree, facing you fully as he crossed his arms over his chest.

“Why are you out here?” he asked softly, a bad attitude evident in his voice. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to get back to?”

“Is that...is that what this is about?” you asked incredulously, trying to stifle back a scoff. “We broke up, Stan. It’s not like I was cheating on you.”

“Yeah, but you went to him,” he huffed, gesturing in the general direction of the clubhouse. “Of course you’d go to Bill. He’s better than me in every way.”

“He gives me the attention I need,” you snapped back, looking him up and down in disgust. “You stopped giving it to me. We were together for a long time and you just-“ You cut yourself off with a sob, looking down at your feet as you heard him shuffle across the leaves closer to you. You felt a hand touch your shoulder, and you moved away, looking up at him. “You broke me. Bill’s fixing me. You don’t have to be an asshole.”

“(Y/N), I’m sorry,” Stan confessed through tears. “I-I shouldn’t have done that to you. I still have that oversized Led Zepplin shirt of yours if you want it back.” You shook your head, giving him a tight smile.

“I still have the grandpa sweater,” you shrugged your shoulders. “But you can have-“

“Keep it,” he cut you off with a thin lined smile. “It looked better on you anyway.” He looked down at the leaves, crunching them until he decided to speak up. “So, we going back?”

You nodded, turning around and hearing him follow suit. “Just...be nice, okay? I don’t want you beating Bill up.”

“I’d never actually hurt him,” Stanley responded in defense. “I’d probably just shove him down or something.”

When you went back into the clubhouse, everyone smiled at you both. You took your place back in between Bill’s legs, and Stan sat next to you guys, laughing along with the jokes and including himself comfortably.

[cocastyle]

Change - Ch. 2 | T W O

Pairing - Bill Denbrough x reader

Word Count - 5,383

A/N - another chapter because I felt really inspired to write! it’s finally time for the reunion and ahh the feels 🥺 also, please let me know what you all think so far and what your thoughts are about Greyson. I honestly love him and his character throughout this half of the series is just so cute in my opinion. this chapter will have tons of feels with the reunion, but fair warning that the next chapter is going to pull at the heart strings even more and I think you all know why.

if you would like to be added to the tag list for this series let me know!

C H A N G E

Change Series Masterlist

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T W O - Jade of the Orient

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Y/N was silent as she stared up at the restaurant before her, her fingers drumming against the wheel of her car nervously as her eyes flickered over the letters that spelled out Jade of the Orient.

She wasn't sure what to expect when she walked inside, but the thought of seeing her friends after all of this time was enough to make her feel clammy. She hadn't been this nervous since Greyson was six years old and broke his arm falling off of a trampoline.

"Mom," Greyson's soft voice spoke out, snapping the woman's attention away from the restaurant and to her son who was still sitting in his seat with a confused look on his face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Y/N replied a little too quickly, her voice coming out rushed and making herself wince. "I'm fine. I've never been more fine in my life."

Greyson raised an eyebrow and Y/N sighed before leaning her head against the wheel in defeat. "Okay, so I'm a little nervous," Y/N admitted, her shoulders slouching slightly as she tried to collect her thoughts.

A look of amusement appeared on Greyson's face and he couldn't help but chuckle, the sound making Y/N look to her son before looking away with a groan. "Fuck you. You don't laugh at your mother's nervousness," Y/N jokingly scolded while Greyson sent her one of his smiles that Y/N liked to say could solve all of her problems.

Greyson was always able to do that, make her relax with just a smile. He had been doing it ever since the day he was born and Stan had told her on numerous occasions that he got his smile from her, but Y/N didn't see it. Her son's smile was unlike any other and she adored him for it.

Greyson and Y/N had the strongest mother/son bond than anyone had ever seen. They were comfortable enough around each other to make fun of each other and curse as if they had been best friends for years now. They understood each other better than anyone and were the person they leaned on when times got tough. Although Y/N made sure to keep most of her problems to herself in order to keep Greyson happy, but she knew that he knew more than he let up.

Y/N knew some people might scold her for the relationship that she had with her son, but he was her best friend along with Stan of course. Her and Greyson had been by each other's side for sixteen years now and Greyson didn't seem to have a problem with being close friends with his mother so who was she to stop him?

"You're telling me that we've been sitting in this car for twenty minutes now because you're fucking nervous?" Greyson questioned, a hand going to his mouth as he tried to muffle his laughter.

Y/N sat back up and gave her son a small glare before leaning back with a huff. Greyson's laughter quieted down as he watched his mother before he smiled softly and reached out to place a hand on her arm.

"There's nothing to be nervous about," Greyson assured her. "I mean from what you've told me these people used to be your best friends. That bond can't be easily forgotten."

Y/N wanted to correct him and tell him how she actually had forgotten about them and that alone was enough to make her nervous, but she held that information back. After all, she would have to go into each of the friendships she had with her friends in order to explain to Greyson why she was so nervous and she wasn't quite ready for that yet, especially Bill who she had yet to mention to her son.

"It'll be just like the old days," Greyson smiled as he shook her arm gently. "Besides, you said Uncle Stan should be coming as well, right? I'm sure he'll be here soon and everything will be just fine."

Y/N knew her son was right, but for some reason she still couldn't shake off her nerves. "You're right," she sighed, thinking momentarily about how once Stan got here everything would be okay. "I just need to walk right in there and-"

The woman fell short and before Greyson could even comprehend what was happening Y/N was quickly turning off her car and getting out, throwing open the door as her eyes locked on a man who she would've recognized anywhere. Although the last time she had seen him he was thirteen years old with a cast on his arm and a fanny pack around his waist.

"Holy shit!" Y/N exclaimed, her voice so loud that it made the man who was walking across the parking lot jump in surprise before looking around. It took only a moment for his eyes to lock on her and the biggest grin broke out on his face as he recognized who she was. "Edward Kaspbrak, is that you?"

"Fucking hell," Eddie laughed as he broke out into a small jog over to the car. Y/N slammed her car door shut behind her and was running over to the man in seconds and the moment she fell into the warm embrace of the boy who used to be like a brother to her, all of her nerves were gone. "There's no way you're Y/N Uris. There's no fucking way!"

Y/N chuckled and pulled away momentarily to look at the man that stood before her, a grin on her face that reminded Eddie of the ones she used to send his direction when they were younger. "You best believe it, Eddie. Look at you! You've grown up on me, Eds," Y/N said, her voice going soft as she looked at the boy.

A flicker of sadness flashed through both of their eyes and Eddie gave her a small smile of understanding before he put his hands on her arms and gave them a small squeeze. "Me? Look at yourself. Just as beautiful as ever," Eddie said before he was pulling the girl in for another welcoming hug, this one lasting longer than the first as the two got caught up in the feeling of having one of their best friends back by their side.

Someone clearing their throat was what had the two pulling away, the two friends turning their heads in the direction of the sound to where Greyson was currently leaning against the car with the beginnings of a smile on his face. He couldn't help but let his eyes flicker between his mother and the man, taking notice that his mother had never greeted someone like that in his whole life nor looked so happy.

Eddie inhaled sharply, his eyes wide as a hand reached out to grab Y/N's arm in surprise and he whispered, "Is he-?"

Y/N smiled softly and glanced at Eddie before walking over to wrap an arm around Greyson. "Eddie, this is my son Greyson. Greyson, this is Eddie Kaspbrak," Y/N said as she gently guided her son over to the man who was staring at the teen in disbelief.

"Hi, Mr. Kaspbrak," Greyson greeted, a smile appearing on his face that made Eddie inhale sharply once again for it was like he was seeing a younger version of Y/N smiling up at him.

"Please, call me Eddie," he insisted before putting a hand to his mouth and bringing it down his chin as he continued to stare at Greyson. He finally let out a small laugh of disbelief before looking to Y/N. "Holy shit. He's like a boy version of you. He even has the same smile."

Y/N smiled at that and Eddie watched as Greyson looked to his mother in what had to be adoration and pride before his gaze fell back on Eddie. "You used to be friends with my mother when she was younger, right?" Greyson questioned, his grin widening when Eddie nodded his head. "What's the craziest thing she's ever done? Mom won't tell me shit about her past and I'm guessing it's because there's some deep dark secret she wants to hide."

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully at her son while Eddie chuckled softly and stuffed his hands into his pocket. "Actually, your mother was a total badass. She once chucked a rock at the school bully's face and made him bleed because he was picking on a friend of ours," Eddie instantly said, his eyes widening in surprise slightly at the memory that fell from his lips. He hadn't even thought he remembered that.

"Woah, really?" Greyson asked before looking up at his mother who had a hand to her face in embarrassment. Greyson only smiled and nudged his mother playfully before looking back at Eddie.

"Really," Eddie nodded as he sent a teasing smile in Y/N's direction. "I can tell you more later, but we should probably be heading inside. Will your husband be joining us?”

Y/N stilled at that and Eddie couldn't help but notice Greyson's face hardening almost instantly, anger and hatred obviously written in his demeanor. Y/N seemed to notice as well and gently placed a loving hand on her son's shoulder before giving Eddie a forced smile.

"No. It's just the two of us," she explained and Eddie's smile faltered.

"Oh, I'm sorry," he began to say, but Y/N waved him off.

"It's no big deal. He left the picture years ago. It's just me and Grey," Y/N admitted as she looked down at her son, the boy instantly relaxing under her loving gaze and smiling up at her.

"That's all we need," Greyson nodded his head in agreement before they looked back at Eddie with small smiles on their faces. "Let's head on in, shall we?"

Eddie and Y/N locked eyes for but a second and both were able to read the nervousness that was still hidden in their eyes. Greyson began to walk on ahead to open the door for the two adults and Y/N took that moment to go to Eddie's side, gently grabbing ahold of his arm with both hands as they walked forward and rubbing it soothingly in an attempt to calm both of their nerves.

For a moment the two each had a flashback to when they were younger and how Y/N would always calm Eddie down when he was nervous or panicked. It seemed each other's presence was still able to do that for the two were able to walk into the restaurant without another beat of hesitation as long as they were by each other's side.

Y/N only let go of Eddie's arm once Greyson had returned to her side and Eddie watched as she looked to her son with a smile before brushing some hair from his face. Greyson sent her a small smile in return before the three were then shown to the room that Mike had apparently reserved for them.

It wasn't long before Eddie began listing off to the waitress all of his allergies and concerns and Y/N couldn't help but chuckle softly as she watched the man who was just like the thirteen year old boy she remembered. Greyson raised an eyebrow as he looked to his mother and all Y/N could do was shrug with a smile on her face that was so contagious Greyson ended up smiling as well.

"And I'm allergic to soy and anything that has egg in it. Uh. . .gluten and if I eat a cashew I could. . ." Eddie fell short and Y/N furrowed her eyebrows before following his gaze and noticing that they had reached the room. "-realistically die."

Y/N's mouth fell open in shock and she was sure both her and Eddie had the same expression of surprise on their face as they looked at the two people who stood in the room already.

However nothing could beat the dumbfounded look on Greyson's face once he noticed that his favorite author was standing in front of him.

"Holy shit," Eddie and Y/N both whispered out, their eyes locking with the gazes of Mike Hanlon and Bill Denbrough before all four of them began to smile.

Eddie and Y/N both moved forward to greet the two, but the woman was quickly stopped by someone grabbing onto her wrist. Y/N turned only to find Greyson staring at her with wide eyes as he squeaked out, "That-That's Bill Denbrough. You. . .you know Bill Denbrough?"

"Yes?" Y/N whispered as she gave the boy a nervous smile. "I'm sorry. I know I should've told you, but I didn't know how."

"You're kidding me. I was-" Greyson glanced over at the three adults who were currently hugging each other and laughing before he looked back at his mother. "I was not prepared for this. Fuck! What if I mess up? What if I make a fool of myself? Mom!"

Y/N couldn't help but chuckle softly at her son's nervous state and was quick to place her hands in his arms in an attempt to call him down. "Woah, kiddo. Just breath, okay? Everything's going to be just fine. Just be yourself and you'll be okay," she assured him.

"Just be myself," Greyson muttered softly as he looked back over at the author who had yet to look their way. He nodded his head and looked back at his mother with a much calmer look on his face. "I can do that."

Y/N smiled and squeezed the boy's arms once before gesturing towards the men behind her. "Great. Now let me introduce you to my friends," she said before she turned and began to walk away. Greyson was behind her in almost an instance and walked practically on her heels until they reached the men who had just finished hugging Eddie.

Mike Hanlon was the first one to turn and the smile he gave Y/N was one that made her heart ache with guilt for having not spoken to him in so long. Mike didn't seem to think anything of it and let out a cheerful laugh as he embraced the girl.

"Y/N!" Mike exclaimed happily as he held onto her tight, the girl doing the same. "I knew you'd come. I just knew it."

"Mike," Y/N greeted as the two pulled away to look at each other. "Of course I came. You know I'll always be there when you need me."

A flicker of emotion flashed through Mike's eyes, but his smile didn't falter as he just smiled at her as if he couldn't believe she was standing there in front of him. But then a voice was filling the air and Y/N swore her heart stopped at the sound.

"Y/N?"

Mike took a small step back and Y/N moved her head to see Bill Denbrough standing there, a look of disbelief on his face as he shamelessly let his eyes flicker over her. Y/N couldn't say anything since she was doing the same to him.

"Bill," Y/N whispered and the name had barely even left her mouth before the two were in each other's arms, neither of them remembering having crossed the room to reach each other but both of them remembering almost instantly what it felt like to be held by the other.

Y/N felt the urge to cry in relief as she held onto Bill, but she held it back as she merely gripped onto his shirt and hugged him so close that her nose was practically resting atop of his shoulder. Bill held onto her just as tight and she could hear him let out a shaky breath as he leaned his head against her own, relishing in the feeling of getting to hold the girl once again while also trying to calm his rapidly beating heart.

The two could've stood there hugging each other forever, but Eddie cleared his throat and gave the two a look that told them they should probably stop hugging before it got too weird. Y/N and Bill both pulled away with a blush, but kept their close distance as they looked at each other.

For a moment Bill felt like he was back in the summer to 1989 when he had first seen Y/N come out of the Uris house. The beating of his heart was the same and his breath was once again knocked from his lungs. And boy when she gave him that Y/N Uris smile that he hadn't seen for years, he knew he was a goner.

He hadn't seen her in years and she still gave him that giddy feeling that not even Audra had been able to make him feel. And for a moment he found himself hoping that was single. He didn't know what he would do if she was married.

"H-H-Hi," Bill finally managed to whisper out and he winced slightly at his stuttering which he knew was merely because of how nervous the girl seemed to be making him. Both of them suddenly got flashbacks to the first time they had met and to when they had reunited that one summer she had spent at Stan's.

"Hi," Y/N replied softly, tilting her head ever so slightly as she looked at the man before her in disbelief and awe. She couldn't believe it was him and her frantically beating heart was only proof of that.

Both of them were shamelessly admiring the other and the fact was enough to make them both blush and look down bashfully as awkward laughs left their lips.

"You look good," Y/N finally said and Bill swore his cheeks grew even more red. He was an adult now and she still somehow made him feel like his thirteen year old self who became a blushing mess whenever Y/N so much as looked in his direction.

"I could say the same for you," Bill smiled, his eyes flickering back up to lock with Y/N's, the girl blushing slightly as neither seemed to remember just where they were or who was in the room.

"Uh, Y/N?" Mike's voice rang out causing the two to look away from each other and over to Mike who was warily staring at Greyson who was standing where his mother had left him like a deer caught in headlights.

It was then that Y/N seemed to remember that she wasn't still a thirteen year old with a crush but a forty year old who had a son and her eyes widened before she quickly made her way across the room and back to Greyson's side. Her arm wrapped around the boy's shoulders almost instantly and she began to walk the nervous boy forward as she smiled to her friends.

"Guys, this is Greyson. He's my son," Y/N smiled proudly. Eddie and Mike were already grinning at her, but she couldn't help but notice Bill's smile falter ever so slightly before he acted as if nothing had happened. "Grey, this is Mike Hanlon and Bill Denbrough."

Greyson stared at the two men for a moment before finally letting his gaze stay on Bill. "Hi," he managed to squeak out, his cheeks growing red out of embarrassment.

Y/N chuckled softly and rubbed her son's arm reassuringly before looking to Bill. "He's a kind of a fan of yours, so he's a tad bit nervous," she explained, her words making Bill soften as he looked to the young teen who was staring at him with a star struck expression.

"He looks just like you," Mike commented as he looked to Y/N with a warm smile. Bill couldn't help but agree with Mike on that one, but his heart still felt as if it were going to shatter right there and he wasn't sure why.

Greyson would've stood there frozen for the rest of the night if it weren't for Y/N nudging the boy forward so that he was now standing in front of Bill with his mother right behind him. Greyson's eyes widened a little more and he gulped before shakily holding out a hand.

"Uh. . .Mr. Denbrough, I-I'm a huge fan, sir. Your work is-is amazing and I just. . .wow, I can't believe I'm standing in the same room as you to be completely honest," Greyson admitted and he couldn't help but let out a small noise of surprise when Bill reached out to shake his hand.

"Please, call me Bill. It's lovely to meet you, Greyson. You look a lot like your mother," Bill said and Greyson couldn't help but smile at that as he glanced back at his mother before looking to Bill once again.

"I've been told," Greyson said with a hint of admiration in his tone. "I think it's because of the smile."

Greyson sure wasn't wrong. He had definitely inherited the Y/N Uris smile. However, his smile in no way had the same effect on Bill as Y/N's did which was definitely a good thing.

Greyson had relaxed by now and Bill smiled softly at the young boy before biting his lip nervously. "Will your-" Bill hesitated and his eyes momentarily flickered to Y/N before he looked back at Greyson, "-father be joining us tonight?"

Bill noticed Eddie wince from beside him and wondered why, but then he noticed Y/N's hurt filled eyes and the way Greyson instantly hardened. "No," she said as she sent the man a small smile. "There's no father in the picture."

"I'm so sorry," Bill muttered despite the relieved expression on his face. After all, he wouldn't lie and say he wasn't absolutely thrilled to hear the news.

"He was a son of a bitch anyways," Greyson admitted and that was enough to have everyone looking to the boy in surprise. However, he was too busy staring between Y/N and Bill with an almost calculating expression to notice.

Greyson's eyes then widened and he sent a look in his mother's direction that made her blush slightly before she quickly looked away from her son. "So where are the others?" Y/N asked, hoping to change the subject before her son could say anything to embarrass her.

The only answer she got was the sound of someone hitting the gong behind them, the noise being enough to startle the whole group who quickly turned to see Richie Tozier standing near the gong with Beverly Marsh and Ben Hanscom behind him.

"This meeting of the Losers' Club has officially begun," Richie announced and Y/N couldn't help but chuckle as she looked at the man all while Greyson watched the newcomers warily.

"Look at these guys," Eddie said before letting out an awkward laugh that was followed by an awkward silence. Richie locked eyes with Y/N and he pointed at Ben from behind before mouthing the boy's name and moving his arms out to pretend like he had a big stomach. Y/N rolled her eyes at the man who gave her a small smile in return before tilting his head as he looked at her, obviously trying to picture how the woman standing on the other side of the room was the same Y/N Uris he knew.

The silence drug on for longer than any of them expected. It was obvious no one quite knew what to say especially since they hadn't seen each other in so long. However, it was no surprise when Y/N broke the silence to move across the room, her arms already out as a big grin dawned her face.

Beverly practically shoved Ben and Richie out of the way to hug the girl, earning glares from the boys which she ignored. "Y/N Uris," Beverly breathed out in disbelief as she hugged the woman tightly.

"Beverly Marsh," Y/N greeted as she pulled away to look at the red head in front of her. "Look at you! You've turned into a real stunner."

"Me? Look at yourself!" Beverly exclaimed before a hand was placed on her shoulder.

The two girls looked to see Ben gently pushing Beverly back as he gave her a small grin. "Okay, Bev, my turn," Ben said before he turned to the woman standing before him. He grinned and Y/N quickly returned it as he swooped her up in his arms to give her a bear hug. "It's been far too long, Y/N."

"It has," Y/N agreed as Ben set her back down. She took a step back to look at the man and shook her head in disbelief before smacking his chest playfully. "Holy shit, Ben. You're like a whole new person."

Ben chuckled at that, his cheeks turning a bit pink while Beverly nudged Ben's arm and said, "If anything, he's the stunner. You're making me feel self conscious, Ben."

Ben's face reddened even more at that and he glanced at Beverly with a small shake of his head. "You look beautiful, Beverly. Don't sell yourself short," he said instantly making the red head's face almost as red as her hair.

Y/N raised an eyebrow at the two and was about to say something when two arms suddenly wrapped around her from behind before picking her up and spinning her around. "Richie!" Y/N yelled out in between laughter, already knowing who had grabbed ahold of her.

There was a loud laugh from behind her before her feet touched the ground and she was quick to turn to the culprit who was giving her a sheepish grin. "Wow," Richie said as he looked at the girl in front of him and slung an arm around her shoulders. "You look amazing, sweetheart. What the fuck happened to me?"

Y/N rolled her eyes at the man's flirtatious attitude and shoved his arm off before playfully pushing him away. "Shut the fuck up, Tozier. You've grown into your looks and you know it," she teased while Richie just laughed.

While Y/N had been reuniting with the other Losers she had failed to notice that Bill, Eddie, and Mike were doing the same. Before long Richie had left her to go hug the others and Y/N couldn't help but watch as Eddie and Richie stared at each other before smiling and pulling the other in for a hug that lasted almost as long as Y/N and Bill's had.

As if realizing this, Richie pulled away from Eddie with a smile and patted his shoulder before turning to the last person in the line he had been going down. However he instantly froze as he looked down at the young face of what looked to be like a male version of Y/N.

Richie scrunched up his nose and let his arms fall back down to his side as he gave the teen a perplexed look, "Who the fuck are you?"

Greyson narrowed his eyes slightly and was quick to stand up straighter as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Who the fuck are you?" Greyson questioned in return making Richie blink in surprise.

Richie and Greyson stared at each other for a moment before a small grin broke out on Richie's face as he pointed at the teen. "I like you," he said before looking back at the Losers. "Which one of you fuckers does this one belong to?"

The group all paused in their conversations to turn and look at Richie who had a hand on Greyson's shoulder and was looking between the adults with his eyebrows raised.

"This one is mine," Y/N laughed as she walked across the room to stand by her son's side. She looked to Richie in amusement before saying, "So guess I'm the fucker you're referring to."

Greyson turned his head to look at Richie who let out a shaky breath as he looked between Greyson and Y/N who had the same expression on their faces. "Well, shit," Richie muttered as he chuckled. "Y/N Uris had a son? What's your name, kid?"

"Greyson," the young boy replied, his eyes flickering over Richie's face hesitantly. "And you are?"

"Grey, this is Richie Tozier," Y/N introduced, the man giving Greyson a short nod in response. She then gestured towards Beverly and Ben who were looking between the boy and Y/N in disbelief much like the others had done. "And this is Beverly Marsh and Ben Hanscom."

Ben gave the boy a small wave while Beverly smiled softly and Y/N couldn't help but notice that Greyson had taken a small step closer to her. She knew this was a sign that he was becoming a bit overwhelmed and a tad nervous, so she gently gave his shoulder a small squeeze to tell him that it was okay and she was there.

Greyson relaxed a little and put a small smile on his face as he waved at the adults. "Uh. . .hi," he greeted softly as he leaned into his mother's touch.

"Oh my gosh, Y/N. He looks so much like you," Beverly whispered, a smile on her face as she looked to the girl who used to be her best friend. For a moment she felt a sense of guilt wash over her. After all, she hadn't even known Y/N had a son and by the looks of it, he had to have been alive for sixteen or so years now.

"It's nice to meet you, Greyson. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?" Ben asked curiously, a small smile creeping onto his face as he looked at Greyson in fascination. To think that one of his childhood friends is a mother was mind blowing to him. Then again, if anyone were to be the best at parenting it would be Y/N.

"Sixteen," Greyson replied before looking down at his shoes, obviously not used to having this much attention.

Y/N noticed and opened her mouth to say something when Bill spoke up. "Come on, guys. Don't pester the kid. Drinks on me, okay?" Bill said and that was enough to pull the Losers' attention away from Greyson and back to the fact that they were all reuniting.

Greyson instantly relaxed once the eyes were off of him and Y/N momentarily locked eyes with Bill before mouthing, "Thank you." Bill just gave her a small smile in response and then the group began to take their seat.

Greyson surprisingly was quick to go and sit beside Bill, the action making Bill blink in surprise before looking over at Y/N who smiled softly and sat on the other side of her son. Bill felt his heart deflate a little at the fact that he wasn't getting to sit next to the girl, but he couldn't complain because something about her son choosing to sit next to him made his heart swell with joy.

Eddie sat down on the other side of Y/N with a small smile in her direction and before long the whole table was full except for one chair. It was in that moment that Y/N found herself pausing, her gaze flickering over to the empty chair beside Eddie while the soft sound of Greyson's voice echoed in her ear as he rambled to Bill about how he was inspired to be a writer because of him.

She knew who the seat was for and a small frown began to take over her features. Y/N went to reach for her phone in her pocket only to be reminded once again that she had left her phone at home. Sighing, the girl looked away from the chair and began to talk with her friends, but the reunion was still not enough to keep her distracted from the nagging feeling in her stomach that told her something was wrong and the one question that kept circling through her head.

Where was Stan?

* * *

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[ice-cream-nekogirl]

dying in UA (Shinsou Hitoshi X Reader)

GAH ANGST... >.< Dunno why I’m in that kinda mood... waaaaaah this made me so sad because I put in some of my own personal feelings in this one too... SO... That’s a warning! For intrusive thoughts and references to depression so... Reader Discretion is Advised...

I’m gonna make maybe two more parts to this... I have to! I have a plan... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aW3axr0o0wY

Summary: Shinsou’s going to be in the Hero Course starting his second year, which was great until he remembered that he’s not the only one with big dreams. 

Hell is trying so hard to get what you want.

And Hell is the place Shinsou felt that he was born into. For the longest time he’s wanted to be a hero, and yet when he was 5 years old that’s when he discovered that his quirk lets him control people just by talking to them. He could make them do whatever he wanted them to do, or rather, it was limited, but still.

He can control people, and so naturally, that made him more like a villain than a hero. He’s heard it all before.

So naturally, that made me more like a villain than a hero. I’ve heard it all before. 

“Your quirk is more like a villain’s quirk.”

“Wow so you can make people do anything you want them huh?”

“Please don’t try anything weird on me okay?”

Stupid ignorant assholes. He would show them all that they were wrong about him, about his quirk. His dream was, no, it still is to be a hero. No his quirk isn’t flashy, but he knows how to use it well, shouldn’t that be all that matters? Why does everything have to fit in a damn category?

He doesn’t know. That’s why he’s stood alone most of the time. No one understood, and frankly he didn’t have time for people. He never really liked them much anyway, not after what they’ve said to him. He doesn’t necessarily hate people, but he would rather not be around many.

Some people call it a lonely life, but he’s used to being alone. He’s used to just sometimes staying home, bored and all alone with nothing but these pretentious thoughts of his. Sometimes just lying in bed and not feeling motivated enough to get out of bed or change his pajama pants.

Tonight, this was one of those moments as he had fallen into a fitful sleep just thinking too much about everything, his life, how he somehow made it into UA and for a moment, he actually thought that his dream had come true. Until he remembered that while he made it into the Hero Course, there were 21 other students here that wanted exactly what he wanted to. Every one of them wanted the same dream, and then he spent the rest of the night thinking, “What the hell am I going to do?”

Aizawa was a fantastic teacher and mentor, but how could Shinsou compete with everyone else here? What if Aizawa training him wasn’t a guarantee? What if all this time he was just fooling himself into thinking that this wasn’t going to work? The moment he stepped into this class it became clear to him, he’s just another kid with big dreams.

There was nothing special about him at all. He knew it, and the darkness in his mind knew it too, and always reminded him whenever he thought about it, whether he was awake, or asleep. 

“If it’s all too much… just keep sleeping…”

“I can’t sleep forever… just go away… I don’t need you to bother me…”

“I’m not going away anytime sugar… I’m a part of you…”

“Why can I stop… feeling this way…?”

“Hero. Villain. Does it really matter?”

“No… Nothing matters…”

“That’s right dear… Nothing matters at all…”

His eyebrows furrowed as he had fallen asleep, having a mental battle with the weight of hopelessness, misery and insecurities falling on top of him, pushing him to the ground until he lied on his back to just keep sleeping. No, he didn’t want to sleep…

Shinsou didn’t even realize that he was tossing and turning in his sleep until he felt a cool hand on his forehead and something soft on his cheek as he cracked his eyes open. “Mmm… Hito… what happened? What’s the matter? What’s the matter…?” You asked with a groggy yet somewhat frantic voice when you felt him thrashing about in his sleep again while you had cuddled up to him.

Suddenly he remembered that he wasn’t alone.

“Nothing…” Now he felt guilty, yet relieved that he had woken up, he hated it whenever he dreamt about his own troubled thoughts and depression literally weighing him down, and he still couldn’t move where he lied. It felt as if he was… trapped.

He felt trapped.

“Oh Hitoshi…” You cuddled up to him, putting your hand on his chest to steady him, feeling rather sad when you could practically feel his sadness. Aura Creation was a great quirk, for the most part, because it let you construct things out of your emotions as long as you could channel them, but at the same time it also let you experience the emotions of others which was very distracting sometimes and as a result you were highly sensitive to your own feelings and others.

Including your poor boyfriend, who swallowed his emotions and kept them bottled up that you teared up and let one slip from your closed eyes the second you touched him.

“There’s a dark fog in your brain…” You mumbled softly as you felt him sigh.

“There’s always a dark fog in my brain.” He replied somewhat sardonically as you wryly chuckled.

“That ain’t good…” Your tone was just as dry as you hugged him close, “Darling… I don’t think this… I know this… you’re way too hard on yourself…” Was all you could bring yourself to say, as Shinsou paid attention, even if he was lost in his thoughts, brain still feeling trapped.

“I know. I can’t stop… I hate it… I can’t even move. I just feel… trapped…” Shinsou might have sounded vague, but you completely understood him and nodded into his chest, “So do I ya know? Feels like while I’m here now… what after? Will it matter? I wonder… I mean… everyone here… is better than me. I know they are…” You thought outloud with a sad tone, and for a moment that lulled Shinsou out of the trap for just a moment.

He could not stand seeing or hearing you sound sad, for once he shifted a little bit where he lied to make sure you were okay, “Yeah… I get it… I really do.” Shinsou stopped thinking about himself for a minute, because while he was selfish by nature and was used to putting himself first, ever since he met you and fell in love with you, it changed a little bit. He wanted to put you first, because you loved him, you actually made him feel loved.

Even in these times where he was starting to realize just how terrible he was. And of course, you also apparently had the same thoughts, you thought YOU were terrible too. Maybe that’s what drew you to him, and maybe that’s what drew him to you.

You both hated yourselves, and yet you loved each other. What a beautifully ironic fucked up romantic couple the two of you were.

“Dammit… sorry… I made it about myself… I’m sorry Toshi…” You immediately apologized for being insensitive but Shinsou quickly shook his head, “No don’t be…” Honestly, he was kinda glad you made it about you because he didn’t want it to be about him, sometimes even he got tired about thinking of himself.

“But I wanted to say that… I know you’re not okay… but it’s okay that you’re not okay… it’s okay to feel like this sometimes… but I don’t want you to think it’s okay to feel like nothing matters, like you don’t matter because… you do…” You sat up a bit, (E/C) eyes finally meeting his lavender ones, which had been looking duller lately.

“It’s so hard to believe that sometimes…” He admitted with a soft, resigned tone as you nodded, “It really is… I know it is… when everyone else makes ya feel that way too… but you’re here Hitoshi. You’re a hero… more than anyone else is… you’re my hero.” You gave him a little smile, resting your head into his shoulder as you didn’t even see his lips quiver a little bit.

“So mushy gushy…” He forced himself to chuckle as he wiped his eyes when his eyes threatened to make tears as you laughed softly and kissed him softly on the lips, “You love it~.” Using a light-hearted tone you smiled up at him and made him chuckle and laugh, “I don’t love your breath right now…”

“Yes you do~.” He was so teasing you but you just kept playing around just to make him feel a little less bad, and it was working, Shinsou put his arms around you and remembered that while he still felt trapped where he was, that maybe it would get better because you were here with him. And maybe he really would be the hero you said he was.

“I just wanna sleep…” Now he really did want to go sleep now, hopefully have a better dream after he talked a little bit with you and relaxed his troubled heart for tonight. “So do I… Brendon Urie lullaby?” You suggested with a little tilt of your head and he couldn’t say no to that. He loved Brendon, and that man knew how to do everything, make someone dance, make someone sing, and make someone sleep with his sensual, incredible voice.

“Perfect…” He didn’t hesitate to get his phone and put a song on for the two of you to listen to and fall asleep to. A tearjerker, but Shinsou thought it was one of his best songs because of the painful realities and the way Brendon sounded so melancholic complete with the sad, dulcet sound of the piano.

“The moment you arrived they built you up The sun was in your eyes You couldn't believe it Riches all around, you're walking Stars are on the ground You start to believe it…”

Shinsou quietly sang the song, and you quickly joined him because neither of you couldn’t not sing a song by Brendon. Especially not this one even if it was sad, it was catchy too. A song the two of you could relate to, especially in a school like UA and the two of you just wanted to be heroes. It was something that allowed the two of you to really connect and bond the way you did.

“Every face along the boulevard is a dreamer just like you You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do…

It was something that allowed the two of you to fall in love because you understood each other.

“But nobody knows you now When you're dying in LA And nobody owes you now When you're dying in LA… When you're dying in LA… When you're dying in LA…”

You could listen to Shinsou singing forever, he had a lovely voice and it was enough to lull you to sleep as your voice grew groggy as you sang with him. Thinking about UA, and how it was both the best and the worst. The worst because not everyone here was amazing, they were some good and some shitty people here, but it was the best also because you and Shinsou went to school here together to work together and fall in love the way you had.

Shinsou certainly thought so, this place really was the best and the worst. You were the best though, to him you were the best and you thought he was the best too. You made him feel like he really was going to be a hero, and he made you feel that you were worth something, that you mattered and that you could be a hero too.

“The power, the power, the power Oh the power, the power, the power Of LA…”

As the song came to an end, Shinsou looked at your peaceful face as you had fallen asleep. You were the last thing he saw before he closed his eyes and finally fell into more of a serene slumber without any of his intrusive thoughts coming back to haunt him after you saved him from them for the night.

And when the morning eventually came, you and Shinsou kept your eyes closed and kept holding each other to bask in the tranquility, listening to the birds chirping outside.

[tr4shmouth-tozi3r]

‘are you sure?’ - stanley uris x reader

requested: yes and it took me a bit to get this out cause I legit suck sorry guys lol, but I honestly loved writing this one its adorable🥺

summary: It’s finally Senior year, the last year all of the losers would spend together completely before they all went off to college. Stan and y/n had made a pact as young kids, that throughout the years if they hadn’t had their first kiss and so on, they would be each other’s first for everything. Now at the age of 12 or so, they don’t really fully realize what that entails, but once they hit 14 and share their first kiss, then 15 and it was their first date, then 16 and it was their first hickey, and so forth they start to realize there’s a first that they hadn’t talked about and by this time around they’ve finally found themselves together in a comitted relationship. Their first relationship. Now, it was time to go farther than they ever had, they both wanted it, but who would speak up first? There’s only one night left before they all go their separate ways and one night can change everything.

pairing: stanley uris x reader

warning: super fluff, smut, swearing.

-

August 29th, 1994

“I can’t believe we all leave tomorrow.” Eddie’s voice spoke solemnly and he let out a sad sigh following his words. All of his friends looked at him with sad smiles and nodded in agreement.

“Eds, I just want you to know, I’ll still keep in touch,” Eddie smiled briefly at Richie’s kind words, but instantly a frown took over his features when the taller boy kept speaking, “I mean, how could a step father ever abandon his step child?”

“Rich, shut the fuck up.” y/n laughed and spoke loudly in Richie’s direction as she lifted her head out of her boyfriend, Stan’s lap who was already rolling his eyes at Richie.

“Hey, it’s true.” Richie smirked at Eddie as he spoke to y/n.

“Can you guys just address it already before you leave and regret it, we put up with your suppressed feelings for years. That shit was stressful.” Mike laughed as Richie’s face flushed and y/n felt the fits of laughter vibrate in her boyfriend’s belly against her head. She looked up at him, a genuinely happy smile adorning her face. She loved Stanley Uris with all her heart and leaving for college and leaving the place where she met some of the most important people to her, was weighing down on her heavy in that moment.

She tuned out the bickering that began to ensue around her and she looked up at him, thinking back to when they were 12.

-

July 7th, 1988

“Let’s make a deal, everyone has a first for almost everything, right? How about if we haven’t had our first kiss and so on, we’ll promise to be each other’s?” Stan blushed at his own statement. He wondered if he was being too forward or too obvious. He had a crush on y/n since they were about 8 or 9 years old and he never thought she would ever feel the same. Boy, was he wrong.

“You got yourself a deal, Stanley.” y/n smiled, a blush creeping onto her face as well.

“W-Wait, really?” He was flustered and she laughed.

“Of course.”

-

July 13th, 1990

It was Stan’s birthday and he was 14 today. You had been 14 for a few months now. You still remembered the pact you guys had made two years ago and you wondered if he did, too.

Ring, ring, ring.

The landline on your bedside table shook you from your thoughts and you answered and instantly smiled as you heard Stan’s voice on the other line, “I’m coming over, need to see my best friend on my birthday, right?”

“Of course, and I have a gift for you, better hurry up!” You hung up before he could speak and you mentally slapped yourself. What the fuck was that? I sounded so ridiculous. He’s gonna show up expecting a gift and what am I going to say? It’s my lips?

You sighed heavily, your cheeks turning bright red. Oh god, you were about to mess this up. You could feel it. He didn’t live very far either, so you didn’t have much time to figure this out.

You spent most of the time waiting for him, pacing back and forth in your room and feeling the way your palms were becoming ridiculously sweaty. Don’t get too worked up, relax!

“y/n, Stan’s here, he’s coming up!” Your mom called out from the bottom of the stairs and it felt like your stomach almost fell out of your ass, you were so nervous.

He walked in with a big smile on his face and enveloped you in a sweet hug, “Hey, so where’s this present? Is it another pair of binoculars? I totally don’t need another pair, but another wouldn’t hurt I guess.” He laughed and then noticed your jittery state and how nervous you looked. Before he could speak again, you began to ramble.

“Do—shit okay, do you remember, when w-we were 12 and we uh, we made that pact?” His confused expression disappeared instantly and he smirked at you.

“You remember? Holy shit, I was thinking about that all day, but figured I’d look like a weirdo bringing it up, but you remember...” He murmured sweetly, his eyes widening and the adoration on his face was clear.

“Well, yeah I remember...” you twiddled with your thumbs, “So, I mean, you haven’t had your first kiss have you?” Your eyes shot up and looked into his and he shook his head furiously.

“No, no no, have you?”

“No.”

“So—”

Before he could speak another word, you stepped forward and cupped his face in your hands and your lips pressed against his, in short and sweet kiss and you pulled back slightly just to catch a glimpse of his reaction. You wanted to make sure he was okay with this and judging from the way he leaned forward and pulled you back in and kissed you quite feverishly, he totally was.

-

You thought about how the year after that came your first date and the year after that things got a little more intense. It was your first hickey and his as well. That one, you swore up and down was unnecessary, but Stan was more than eager and you couldn’t lie, you wanted to know what it felt like. And god, did it feel good. Or maybe it felt as good as it did, because the boy you were in love since you were in 4th grade had his lips pressed so firmly to your neck. His tongue traced your skin so softly, sending shivers up your spine and when he nibbled on the nape of your neck you had let out an involuntary moan. This totally only feels this good when you’re in love. You always told yourself that.

After the hickey escapades your group of friends noticed and relentlessly teased the two of you. They teased you so often and so badly, that they basically drove the two of you into each other’s arms. You didn’t mind, though. You and Stan were both very stubborn and also very shy sometimes. Even when it was clear as day, right in front of you both, you and him chose to ignore it out of fear. And now that you think about it, fear of what? God, 16 is such a weird hormonal age. It was obvious there was something there, but you both would never say it unless the other would admit it and like I said, both of you were very stubborn. So, you would always say your friends brought you two together.

Now, here you were. You were 18 years old, ready to leave for college and leave this life behind and depart from your life long friends. Something was eating away at you, nagging in the back of your mind.

There was still a first that you and Stan had yet to share and you only had about 12 more hours left before that opportunity was out the window. You weren’t sure when you would see him or any of your other friends again, you wanted to make your last night with him memorable. You wanted it to count.

-

You hummed softly, shutting your eyes and wanting to take mental note of the way he smelled sweet like cinnamon and his breathe always tickled your neck in the same spot when you laid with him like this. You took note of the way his thumb would circle over your hip bone, slowly and sweetly. He held you against him like he never would again, but he always did that. He always savored every minute he had with you in his arms, but now he was really savoring it. You were going to try and make plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas, neither of you were too sure which one and if it would even be 100% possible, but you chose not to think about that right now. Right now, he was here with you and you still had about 10 hours before you would be parting ways.

Stan leaned back, pulling his head away from the crook of your neck and looked at you, “What are you thinking about, babe?” He propped his body up with his elbow and rested his head on his hand, his eyes studying your face.

“I...” You breathed out, suddenly feeling as nervous as you did the day that had kissed him for the first time, “I just... I feel like there’s something we should be doing before we leave. Something that I wanna share with you, another first... it’s been eating away at me for the passed couple of weeks. It’s silly, and you probably don’t want to so—”

“No, stop. Don’t say that, of course I want to. Whatever it is, I want to. I want to do everything with you, y/n.” Your heart soared at the way your boyfriend spoke to you. He was so sweet and he wasn’t even trying to be.

“I want to... I want to have sex with you. Tonight. Preferably right now.” You let your eyes wander across the ceiling as you spoke and you were preparing for the worst when you didn’t hear a single thing come out of Stan’s mouth. As you turned to face him, his lips were parted slightly and his eyes were wide with that same look of adoration he had in his eyes when you were 14 years old rambling on about how you wanted to kiss him.

“God, I’m so in love with you.” He kissed you quite fast and with a longing you couldn’t explain. He wanted to kiss you until you were stuck together and you could never leave each other, but he knew that was impossible. A guy can dream, right?

“Are you sure?” You searched his eyes for any sign of doubt and found nothing. All you saw was the way his eyes were dilated and lips quivered in excitement. The way that his cheeks were flushed and his hands were shakily tracing over your arms and your waist.

“Yes, why are you even asking? I’ve wanted this since last year, but I didn’t want to say anything and make it weird. Plus, I just felt like you weren’t ready and now you are. I knew if you wanted it as bad as I did, you would suck it up and say it first, so I waited, but god I’ve wanted it for a long time. I swear,” He pressed his lips to your jaw and trailed kisses down your neck. His touch softened and he became as gentle as you’ve ever experienced him to be. This was new. This felt different. He took care of you.

You had rolled your eyes at the fact that he admitted his fear of telling you he had wanted this, so he waited for you to speak up first. You were both shy sometimes, yes, but out of the two of you it was safe to say that you were the boldest. You said things when they needed to be said. You did things when they needed to be done. And this needed to be said and done.

You smiled at the way he undressed you slowly, taking his time with you. He was really really trying to savor this now. His eyes scanned over your half naked body, watching as you blushed and tried to cover yourself.

“Baby, stop. Don’t cover yourself, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I wanna remember what you look like right now. I wanna close my eyes on the drive out of here tomorrow, and picture this moment. How you opened up to me and gave me the privilege to share something so meaningful with you. Something so intimate. I wanna remember the night that you really became mine in a whole new way.” His words were soft and full of love and his eyes glistened in the light that illuminated your room. He was so damn gorgeous.

“I love you.” You leapt forward, kissing him so hard you were sure your lips were swollen already. He reached around you, unclasping your bra. His fingers barely touched your shoulders as he sluggishly pulled the bra off of your chest. Goosebumps rose across your skin and the cool air hit your chest. He trailed kisses down your chest and whispered sweet nothings to you the whole way, in between kisses.

You were breathing so heavily, you felt like everything was going to collapse around you. At this point, you were completely naked, legs spread and Stan in between them in just his underwear. He pressed against you, letting you know how hard he was and you hummed against his lips. You felt yourself getting wetter and wetter by the minute. You thought you were going explode.

“I really hate this part. It’s going to hurt a bit, before it feels good and I don’t want to hurt you.” He murmured sweetly and you smiled.

“This is a good hurt. I want this. I want to have this with you. If it makes you feel better, talk me through it, kinda turns me on anyway.” You giggled and he laughed at you, placing a kiss against your forehead.

“Good to know.” He whispered. By this time, he was completely naked as well and back in between your legs positioning himself and pausing for a moment. He held on to himself as he slowly pushed his head against your entrance, “If it hurts, just tell me to stop, okay baby?” He tangled his other hand in your hair and you breathed a shaky okay in response.

He pushed into you further and you gasped, the pain hitting you in small waves, but you didn’t want to stop. He locked eyes with you, “Does it hurt? I’ll stop baby.” You furiously shook your head and without thinking, you pushed your hips into him and he suddenly found himself pushed fully inside of you. You yelped slightly and he groaned.

“Babe, that was totally a bad move if you were in pain.” He breathed, revelling in how amazing it felt to be inside of you.

“Keep going.” You whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck and locked your ankles around his waist, “Please...” You bit your lip and suddenly you were gasping as he slowly pulled back, sliding almost completely out of you and then thrusting back into you softly.

“Fuck...” He was breathing heavily against your skin as he buried his head into your neck. He began to kiss and lick all over the skin before him, biting and sucking sweetly on your neck, “I love you so much, I’ve loved you since we were kids. This is the best moment of my life.” He picked up his pace, noticing the pleasure beginning to course through you. Your eyes half lidded and your lips swollen and wet from you licking them. Your face was flushed and your forehead was covered with a small trail of sweat. He looked down at you, into your eyes and wrapped you up in his arms. You clung to him, moaning out his name as you felt him slide further into you.

“I love you, too. I love you so much, too.” You whimpered and he groaned at the way you spoke. You sounded so sexy to him, he loved it.

You could still feel the sting and you winced a bit at the way his hips met yours, “Shhh, it’s okay baby, I’ve got you.” He moaned, “I’ve got you, mmm.”

“Stan, oh my god,” You gasped as his hips came up again, this time a bit harder and a whole new pleasure flew throughout your body, “It doesn’t hurt anymore, go faster, please.” You moaned loudly this time and he threw his head back as he squeezed you tightly, doing as you asked.

“Like this?” Your eyes met as he thrusted in and out of you, at a fast steady pace. You felt your body buzz in ecstasy and he leaned forward engulfing your lips in a hot chaste kiss. Your tongues tangled together and your hands roamed every inch of each other’s bodies.

“Yes, yes.” You cried out in pleasure as he started thrusting harder.

“You’re so beautiful.” He moaned sweetly and you watched as he titled his head back and closed his eyes and in that moment you came undone.

Your legs shook and your ankles detached from around him, your body practically melting into the mattress beneath you, “I-I’m cumming.” You spoke in between breaths and he leaned into you, as you arched your body into him. Your stomach exploded and your walls tightened around him and you swore you saw stars.

“That’s it baby, cum for me.” His thrusts became sloppy and he murmured I love yous over and over again as he twitched inside of you, finally letting himself go and spilling into you. You rode out your orgasms together, tightly pressed against one another, as if you were becoming one person.

You held onto him as you both came down from your highs, savoring the moment of being wrapped up in each other. Feeling him pressed flush against your body, skin stuck to skin, hearts beating erratically against each others.

He pressed his forehead to yours and slid out of you, turning over and laying beside you, “That was the best first by far. You’re amazing.” He pulled you against him, kissing top of your head.

“It definitely was.” You smiled up at him, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much, too y/n.”

-

Okay, I’m actually extremely pleased with how this turned out. This was beautiful:’)

I hope you guys liked it, and to the anon that requested it I hope it was worth the wait for you❤️

[nad-zeta]

Match up (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

ay I have an ikesen matchup, please? I’m an asexual cis girl who leans to boys. Yet, shy around them. Lacking some experience with general things. So I tend to be obvious. Sometimes sarcastic and bold, but with an innocent mindset. Since most dirty jokes fly over my head and I think some people mean well. Though being a little sensitive and may cry.

I’ve been told I can get lost in my own world. I’m a tan brown girl with dark brown curly hair. A petite figure, 5'6. I have a girly, pastel free attire. I love vintage things, post-rock, jazz songs. I love to draw and express myself through art. My dream is to become an illustrator or cartoonist. Including my love for stuff animals, Grimm brother tales.

Hi hi Love! 🌻❤Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy it and i hope you have the best day! Also sorry for taking soooooo long! ❤❤🌻

So I match you with…………. Hideyoshi

The first time you arrived at the castle, Hideyoshi did not trust you one bit. He watched you like a hawk from day one. He didn’t like it when strangers got so close to his lord. 

You kept your head down and worked hard, and all the maids and castle staff really adored you. You were so sweet and kind, like a little rabbit. Even Nobunaga had taken a liking to you, and as classic standard procedure for him, he invited you up to his room that night. When Mamabear heard that Nobunaga has called you to his room, Hidemama, was on high alert. He and Mitsuhide had followed you as you made your way to Nobunaga’s room. They hid in the shadows, and when you finally entered their lord’s room, they placed their ears against the door ready to burst into the room at a seconds notice. 

You shyly made your way up the stairs into Nobu’s room, you hadn’t seen him since he named you as, princess. It wasn't even 3 second into the conversations when he, made a pass at you, about wanting you to warm his bed for the night. A comment which mind you, flew right over your head. Your mind was so innocent and pure, and this boy legit had to explain his intentions to you, which left you blushing. You very kindly told him that you were not that kind of girl, “Fine then fireball, but I still expect you to entertain me somehow.” You were curious as to why someone so busy was still awake so late, and that’s when he told you that he struggles to fall asleep. You gave him a gentle smile and said that you knew a few tips and tricks that could help.

You told him to lay down in his futon, he did as you asked with the most amused glint in his crimson eyes. You then tucked him in and started playing with his hair. “You are treating me like a child, fireball.” You gave him another one of your gentle smiles, you couldn’t help but make a sarcastic comeback to his comment. Nobunaga simply smirked up at you, especially after you mentioned that you were going to tell him a bedtime story. You knew so many stories thanks to your love of the brothers Grimm tales. By the end of your story, Nobunaga’s breath had evened out, and he was now fast asleep. 

Hideyoshi and Mitsuhide knew that if you were to do something, now would be the ideal opportunity. They strained their ears to hear what you were saying. You looked down at the sleeping man’s face and smiled, “Here is one more thing to make sure you sleep soundly.” When Hideyoshi heard you say those words, he opened the door to peek inside the room, it sounded like you were going to kill him. He was shook when you kissed the man’s forehead and stood up, extinguishing the candles. Hideyoshi is that moment realized he had majorly misjudged you, you weren’t an assassin, you were just an extremely kind sweet girl.

The next morning you woke up to your room that was filled to the brim with clothes, flowers and little trinkets. You were super confused, even more so when Hideyoshi had entered into your room carrying a tray of breakfast and a sunshine smile. You had to do a bit of a double-take cause you have never seen anything other than a scowl coming from Hideyoshi. “Oooh good you're awake, I brought you some breakfast, and I came to apologize for the horrible way I’ve been treating you.” He then bowed down super low to you. Honestly, it all felt like one big dream.

Hideyoshi then invited you out to the markets where he absolutely insisted on buying you even more gifts, to make up for his mistakes. You had come to really enjoy this new side of Yoshi, he was super sweet and kind, like a protective older brother

Since then every spare moment he got, he would spend with you. The two of you loved going out for tea together or just browsing the markets. When Hideyoshi had discovered that you enjoyed jazz music he would take you to any and every jazz performance he could find. He would usually make up a picnic basket, filled with delicious snacks and then surprise you with an outdoor picnic concert. The two of you would then sit and enjoy some good food, and music together.

Hideyoshi loved spending time with you, and the more time the two of you spent together, the more and more he found himself falling hopelessly in love with you. He loved your sweet, pure, innocent mind. You were honestly like the female version of his sweet angelic vassal. Who like you was blissfully unaware of Mitsuhide and Masamune’s dirty jokes and minds. 

He also enjoyed watching your bold, sarcastic side come out. It would usually happen when he would confront Mitsuhide. In the midst of his arguments with the snek, you would be right there by Hideyoshi’s side, backing him up. Firing sarcastic comebacks at Mitsuhide whenever he gets on Hideyoshi’s nerves, or evades Hidemama’s questions with sarcastic remarks.

Hideyoshi also loves that you love animals. This boys heart melts into a puddle of goo whenever he sees you playing with Uri, his pet monkey. He will stand in the doorway, beaming with pure happiness at the sight of his two beloved girls spending time together. It was then when Hideyoshi started to make plans to confess his love for you. This doting mother is a hopeless romantic so its, go big or go home when it comes to love.

That morning you woke up to a little not resting next to your pillow, the note contained instructions to a game. You smiled as you solved the small riddle at the bottom of the page leading you to the next clue. After running around the castle solving all sorts of little puzzles, the final note led you to Hideyoshi’s manor. You open the main door to see a path of rose petals leading you outside. You couldn’t help but smile at the sight, Hideyoshi standing in front of a candlelit dinner in the middle of his garden. Honestly, the best part was that he had dressed little Uri up like a waiter, who gave you a single red rose and the final note with the words sprawled across the page, “I love you.”

The two of you made the sweetest couple. Hideyoshi loved everything about you from your loving, kind heart to your sarcastic, bold side. He loved it when you would doodle small cartoon pictures on the napkins during your tea dates. He loved the beautiful art pieces that you would create, they expressed so much emotion and always left him breathless. He would proudly display all your art around the manor. 

When you had told him your dream of becoming a cartoonist and illustrator, he was ecstatic and was determined to help you make that dream come true, even though you were now stuck in the past. Yoshi introduced some of your drawings to Nobunaga, who loved your illustrations so much that he commissioned you to start writing children’s books, to inspire the young minds to follow their dreams. And although Nobunaga would never admit it, he loves reading your children’s books at night, as they to help calm his cluttered mind enough for him to fall asleep.

Hideyoshi knows what a soft sensitive soul you are, and is always by your side to protect you against anyone or anything. If you are feeling low or sad, he would gather you in his strong arms and whispers words of love in your ears. Honestly, this man will shower you with love and affection from dusk to dawn. He absolutely loves to dote on you so, expect to be pampered like the sweet princess you are, cause this man WILL spoil you.

Yoshi loves to sit behind you with his arms circled around your waist and his chin propped up resting on your shoulder, as you draw your latest illustrations. He could spend hours just watching you bring the most beautiful and creative drawings and cartoons to life. 

Don’t be surprised if he occasionally drops a few sweet kisses on your shoulder or cheek as you work. He will 100% brag about your work to everyone in the castle after you are done. He is your biggest cheerleader, and he loves everything you do.

Often the two of you cuties can be found simply holding hands in the teahouse, chatting away about everything and anything.

Other potential matches………….. Kennyo  

I hope you enjoyed it and i hope you have a super good day! 🌻😳🐇@daydreamerneko123

[the-sweetest-dragon]

A Summer Like Never Before

A Summer Job AU - No Pennywise - Georgie is alive - Mostly tomfoolery - 

Fandom: It

Characters: Mike, Stan, Eddie, Richie, Ben, Beverly, Bill

Word Count: 1247

Ships: Eventual Benverly, Reddie, and Stan x Patty

Warnings: Out of character behavior, this one is a bit sad

AN: Look I’m finally posting!  Wow! I’m done with the semester so hopefully I’ll be able to post updates more regularly :)

tags: @nerdsarebetter @audder17 @just-another-shipper-01 @sapphic-bottlexap

Chapter One  Chapter Two  Chapter Three  Chapter Four  Chapter Five  Chapter Six Chapter Seven

__________________________________________

Chapter Eight

“One more time.  What exactly did they do?” Mike asks, a shocked look engraved into his face.  His grandfather sighs and rubs his temples, already tired of telling the story.

“Those boys popped every tire on the tractor and spray painted some nasty words on the side of the barn.”  He sighs, defeated.  “I don’t know how we’ll pay to replace those tires.  We barely could afford them the first time around.  There just isn’t enough money to go around anymore.”

Mike can feel himself filling with anger; he knows exactly who did this.  The Bower’s gang had been terrorizing his family for years with no reprieve.  Henry was determined to make his and his friends' lives nightmares since grade school.  They’d only gotten meaner too, especially towards Richie and Mike.  Richie was not discrete in his relationships, and Henry did not take kindly to Richie dating his cousin Conner.  Sure they had only dated for a month last summer but still.  And they didn’t like Mike because they were racist jerks.  

He sighs and rubs a hand over his face.  He knows what he’ll have to do, but Mike isn’t sure his grandparents will accept the help.  Mike has been saving tips from the soda shop and checks to pay for college.  He’s saved a good chunk of cash but he knows what has to be done.

“I have some money saved up.  I can help pay for the tires and I can paint over the spray paint.”  His grandfather shakes his head.

“I won’t let you do that.  That’s your money Mike, you earned that.  You shouldn’t need to provide for us.”  Mike starts to speak but his grandfather holds up a hand.  “That money needs to go towards school, so you can get out of Derry.”

Mike sags forward, defeated.  He knew his grandparents would never let him use the money to pay for the tires, not when they wanted him to leave town so desperately.  Mike closes his eyes for a moment, to gather himself, before straightening back up and moving towards the barn.  His grandfather didn’t stop him; Mike knew what words waited for him there but they held no weight anymore.  Mike had learned long ago that real men did not bring others down and that the Bower’s gang, despite their awful ways, would never be anything more than ignorant little boys.  

He strides past the words, barely giving them half a glance.  Once inside the barn, he pulls out his phone and calls the one person he knows will always be there for him: Stan.  They weren’t the closest, but Mike knew that he always told him the truth and would be willing to help him with what Mike needed to do now.  

He dials the number with steady hands and watches as a picture of Stan in a shower cap lights up his phone.  Mike lets himself smile for a moment at the memory before Stan answers the phone.

“Hello?”  Mike breathes a sigh of relief at the voice.  “Mike?  You good man?”  He clears his throat and the whole story spills out.  The tires being ruined, the barn being defaced, and how his grandparents wouldn’t let him help them.  By the end, Mike has tears in his eyes and a catch in his throat.

“They won’t let me help Stan.  I feel so useless.”  Mike takes a deep breath and leans against one of the poles holding up the roof.  The barn was old and most likely needed to be rebuilt but the money simply wasn’t there.  They didn’t make enough in selling meat to the local butchers and the fields barely produced enough to keep the animals alive.  “The farm is dying and there’s nothing I can do.  They refuse to sell or remodel anything.  Everything is falling apart.” 

Mike hears a soft sigh come from the other end and knows Stan is thinking.  He’s not much of a talker over the phone; he likes to think before he speaks so that everything comes out the way he wants it to.  

“I’ll be over in twenty.  Find some paint.”  Mike’s eyebrows draw together in confusion.

“Why do I need to find paint?” he asks.

“We’re going to find a way to make money.  But first, we need to fix the barn.”

______________________________________________________________________________

Mike had tried to find the extra paint from the last time they had covered up spray paint but came up empty.  There was nothing to be found, at least not in the correct color.  They had a black, so Mike decided it would have to do.  Stan was over in record time, prompt as always.  Mike took a hard look at his friend when he climbed out of his mom’s old mini van.  Something was different, but Mike couldn’t put his finger on what exactly.  

“I brought paint brushes,” Stan said in greeting.  Mike smiles, used to Stan’s prompt way of speaking.  Stan did not mince words, no matter the subject.  

They work in relative silence, but it’s never awkward.  Soft rock is blasting in the background and Mike catches Stan singing along occasionally, making Mike laugh.  The words were covered in no time and Mike’s grandmother came out with lemonade not long after they were finished.  Sitting in the shade of the barn, Mike finally realized what was different about his friend.

“You cut your hair.”  Stan laughs softly, shaking his head.

“Yeah, yeah I did.  Bev talked me into it.”  Mike has to laugh.  Bev kept all of them fashionable, or at least as much as she could.  “I was tired of looking like my dad,” Stan sighs.  Mike nods, not completely understanding but feeling for Stan anyways.  Mr. Uris was not a fashionable man whatsoever, and it did not suit a teenager.  

“Well it looks good Stan.”  They smile at each other.  Mike looks down for a moment, then clears his throat.  “Thank you for helping me.  I really appreciate it.”

Stan places a hand on Mike’s shoulder, and that single move causes the floodgates to open up.  The tears start slow but come faster and faster until there’s no tears left in Mike’s eyes.  Stan rubs gentle circles on Mike’s shoulder, calming him in the way only Stan could.  Mike laughs through the tears, realizing how silly he must look but ultimately deciding that it doesn’t matter.  He wipes his face with his shirt and lets out a sigh that could tip a cow over.  

“I’m sorry.  Things have just been so crazy lately and nothing is getting solved.  I feel so useless.”  Stan nods, his eyebrows drawn together in thought.

“There’s nothing to apologize for Mike.  Is there anything I can do to help?”

Mike laughs abruptly.  “Not unless you know how to change an old man’s mind.  Gramps is never going to let me pay to fix anything around here and he won’t sell this damn farm until I’m gone.”  He sighs, rubbing a hand across his face.  “At this point it’s just a waiting game, but no one is actively playing.  We’re all out of moves.”

There’s a pregnant pause after that.  Stan continues to rub circles on Mike’s shoulder and he’s glad for the steadying comfort of it.  With a sigh, Mike stands.  

“What about you?  How’s your life?”

Stan shakes his head, his cheeks slightly blushed.  Mike raises an eyebrow; he’s never seen Stan blush in the six years he’s known him.

“I met someone.”

[chipoisanook]

Baby Bird [Part 2] || 2019! Stan Uris x Daughter! Reader

Word count: 3555

A/N: This was long overdue :')

Trigger Warning: Blood, suicide, death, lots of angst :)

The adrenaline was slowly fading away as you stepped foot out of the car, the fight or flight instinct was still all too real. Your dad had always been a quiet man. He had his other characteristics to him, often enough he was quite sassy, passionate about a lot of things, a loving husband and father. But right now the main thing Stan was running on was fear. The way his hands gripped the wheel as he drove, enough to cause his knuckles to turn white, the car filled with such high tension. It was either none of you wanted to break it, too focused on your own thoughts, or, that none of you could.

Stan hadn't even spoken when he left the car. Though, he did make sure you were close to him several times as he made his way into the Town House. "Dad?" Even as you called out to him, voice having an uncertain tone gathered there, Stan didn't answer back as he climbed up the stairs. You let out a small huff before following him up, not allowing the silence to take over again. "Dad?" This time you sounded more urgent, your voice didn't shake this time around, which seemed to be a good sign. Stan finally turned from the bag he had placed on the bed, brown orbs searching around the room before landing back on you. "We're going home." He said. Well, that was all Stan said before he began to quickly pack away the belongs he had taken out before heading out to meet everyone at the restaurant. You shook your head, mouth already moving before you really thought about what to say. "What was that about in the restaurant? We all saw it and you know what's going on." You waited for any kind of response to what you were saying. A head turn, a mumble of sorts, anything to have him acknowledge what you were saying.

But all you got was silence. The only real noise was the voices downstairs, who you guessed were the others who were doing the same thing as your dad. Leaving Derry again, for good.

Frustration began to build inside you more and mixing that with the fear and dread that was also there, it caused tears to well in your eyes. The feeling was too overwhelming and you were fearing something you knew nothing about. Richie said it was a clown, your dad called this thing IT. And you still couldn't shake the look of pure terror that was held in each of them when they realized why Mike had called them to Derry. "Can you please tell me what's going on!?" You finally snapped, hands closing into fists, chest slightly heaving up and down as you finally got a reaction, but not the one you wanted.

Stan had turned to you when you shouted, eyes widened as he stared at you. Yes, this was because it was rare that you both yelled, but that frightened look was still there and clear for all to see. You swallowed back the need to apologize, for now. Your stare didn't leave him when you spoke again. "I-" It was almost like the words were stuck in your throat causing you to not get out what you wanted to. Even upon trying again it was met with your mouth opening for a moment, before closing again. Stan's eyes finally soften as he watched you, a small sigh leaving him before he moved away from his bag. "I can't explain this to you without sounding like I'm insane." Stan paused again, gathering his bearings before continuing. "But I will. After we're out of Derry and you're safe, I'll explain everything I promise."

It took you a while to finally nod, letting out a small "Fine." Stan gave you a sad smile, kissing your forehead before turning back to his bag. "It'll be okay." He mumbled to himself as you waited for him to finish, which didn't take much longer. When he had his bag in hand you both made your way back downstairs, only to hear the conversation between Ben and Beverly with you, Stan and Richie listening. "I've seen all of us die."

You froze at this, Beverly looking over each and every one of you with a scared but serious look on her face, which crossed out this being some sick way of joking around with them. You didn't turn as you heard Eddie coming downstairs, the large bang of what you guessed was his suitcase dropping caused you to jump. "What did I miss?" No one answered at first, not until Richie spoke up. "Apparently Beverly saw Stanley die or something and now we've found out she's seen us all die!" He explained while throwing his hands in the air. Beverly slowly sat down as you looked over to your dad, though his eyebrows were furrowed together, he said nothing. Eddie had begun to pace at this, only stopping when he spoke. "Okay, so, what do you mean you've seen us all die?" Richie nodded at this. "Yeah because I gotta be honest, that's a fucked-up thing to just drop on somebody." You turned to the red-headed woman, who was wiping a tear away. When Beverly dropped her hand she took a shaky break. "Every night... I've been having these nightmares. P-People die, people-"

"There nightmares." Eddie interrupted. "So what, I have nightmares! People have nightmares, that doesn't mean their visions are true." You knew Eddie was trying to make this sound like it was just a coincidence, though his voice still shook as he spoke. Beverly shook her head, close to tears again. "I've watched every one of us die." At this, she seemed far away. As though she was trying to remember all of the horrible nights she had gone through. "I've seen-" You looked away upon hearing the door to the entrance of the Town House, watching as Bill and Mike walked in. Bill looked straight at Beverly, hearing what she had said on his arrival.

"Seen what?" He slowly moved over, sitting down in front of her as she opened her mouth. Beverly took a moment to actually get the words out, but she did nothing less. "The way Stanley had ended up in my nightmare... that's how we all end up." You let what Beverly had said run through your head, the words slowly piecing together as you turned to your dad. "The letters." Stan seemed to have been doing the same thing as you were, trying to fully understand what had been said. But he froze when you spoke about the letters. He knew you knew, even as you continued.

"You were writing letters to them until I came in, that's how I found you. You said something about taking yourself off the board-" At this point, you hadn't looked at the others. Just your dad. When you were home and reading the letter, you almost didn't want to believe what it was saying and honestly, you had almost forgotten about them thanks to the events leading up to this point. You were so busy trying to find him, you didn't have time to allow what you felt to show. "Y/N-" Stan began but you turned away. You looked to Beverly almost not wanting to know the truth to what would've happened, but the words left you anyway. "In your nightmare vision, he killed himself, didn't he?" She stared at you, eyes widened at the question but also something else. Almost confusion carved onto her face as she wondered how you knew.

You laughed at this. Though it came out like you were choking, you didn't need a verbal answer from her. You knew well enough. "Y/N." Shaking your head you turned back, tears welling up in your eyes quickly even when you tried hard to hold them back. "You were really going to kill yourself?" Stan stared at you with wide brown eyes, he didn't try to deny what you were saying, he didn't even shake his head. You almost begged him to do so, to tell you how wrong you had been and allow the panic that spread in your chest to subside. But he didn't. "I couldn't come back here, not after what happened."

You let out a scoff. Stan quickly reached his hand to you, until you backed away. "I couldn't put you or your mom in danger." You felt the warm tears leaving trails on your cheeks, these were the only things allowing you to know this was real. You wiped them away with your hand. "You didn't do it for us. How could you possibly think that would help us?" You tried hard not to let your voice shake or crack as you spoke, focusing on clearing the tears away more than watching your father. So when Stans's hand landed on your arm you didn't think twice about slapping it away. "Don't touch me!"

You looked around at all the shocked faces, before looking back to your dad. His hand was still out, though he began to slowly put it down when he spoke. "Babylove-" You shook your head as you backed up once more, this time your hand came up as you pointed your finger at Stan. "You would rather kill yourself then come face the problem head-on? I thought I was wrong about the letter, I came all the way down here to find you and make sure you were okay, and you were going to leave me, leave mom without a second thought? You're a coward and honestly? I don't think I know you anymore." As those last words left your lips you pushed past where Ben and Mike were standing, and out the entrance to the Town House. You heard your name being called, but that didn't stop you.

You left without even turning back.

***

You had been around the town most of the night. You sat down a couple of times, thinking maybe you should go back and apologize for blowing up on your dad, but then you would think back to it and your feelings would just bring you back to square one. You had every right to be angry at him, and your stubbornness just stopped you from going back to a warm place. So you were left with walking down the streets. It wasn't too bad, despite it being dark and your lack of company. Not many people were out which was fine considering it was the middle of the night.

At first, you were just going to ignore the alleyway that was to your left. You didn't really want to be going down a dark alleyway by yourself and would much rather stick to the main paths which were lit under the streetlights. The quiet crying is what caused you to stop. You peered down the alleyway, waiting to hear it again. Maybe it was just you hearing things, it happened all the time. But upon hearing it again you couldn't count it on you hear things. You reached for the phone in your pocket, turning the flashlight on before you took a breath, stepping forward you followed the quiet sound.

It wasn't long before you saw what the sound was coming from or better yet, who it was coming from. A boy around the same age as you. He was sat with his head tucked into his knees, you took notice of his curly mop of brown hair, it reminded you of your dads. At the thought of him, you frowned slightly but quickly smiled again as you looked at the boy wearing a light blue shirt. "Hey." You spoke softly, even if it still startled the boy as he looked up at you. His brown orbs narrowed because of the light which caused you to direct it away instead. "Do you need help?" At your question, he looked away again. He shrugged before actually answering. "My dad kicked me out." Your face completely fell at this. You used your free hand to move out to the boy, he looked up to it then back at your face. "If it's anything, me and my dad just had a fight."

This caused a sad smile to fall on his face as he took your hand. You pulled him up, letting go of his hand as he dusted himself off. "If you don't mind me asking, why did he kick you out?" Once he thought he was properly dusted off he turned back to you. "I uh, I messed up my Bar mitzvah. I wanted to make a point but he-" The boy stopped as he seemed to be getting upset again, so, you tried to change the subject from his father. "Well we have something in common, I did my Bat mitzvah so we both kinda know how stressful it is." Your smile got bigger at this, it looked like you had found someone in this strange town that you could actually get along with. "Oh." When you realized you had forgotten to introduce yourself you stuck out your hand towards the boy again. "By the way, I'm Y/N." The boy didn't hesitate to take your hand, though you didn't think the quiet male would have a strong grip. You were about to comment, hoping he would loosen his grip or let go of your hand, but then he began to speak.

"I'm Stan, but you should already know that, shouldn't you Y/N?" Your blood ran cold at how his voice changed, going slightly lower as he spoke. You tried to take your hand back, but he just kept the strong death-like grip. "I-I need to go, my dad is most likely worried. It's best I make up with-" You didn't get to finish as the boy began to laugh. It turned from sounding childlike to more demonic, something under his skin began to move, several more following. You ended up dropping your phone to use your other hand to try and claw your hand out of whatever was on you, but it was no use, not that you stopped trying.

"Sweet, sweet defenceless Y/N." You looked up at the voice, coming face to face with your father. He was different though. He wasn't your usual warm and kind dad who helped you with your maths homework, or the scared man you had followed into the Town House. The smile on his face was sinister, his other hand grabbing your arm, nails now sticking in causing you to cry out. "All you wanted to do was to see if I was okay. But you knew all along what was going on, the reason why I wanted to kill myself." You could almost hear your heartbeat in your ears, words coming out in jumbles but still creating a sentence. "Y-You were scared, you-you said it was something to do with the town."

The thing that looked like Stan laughed again, head twitching slightly as he calmed down. "And you were stupid enough to believe it." He sang out. He had finally let go of your hand and you thought you might be able to escape. But just as that thought came, it was ripped away from you as your hair was tugged, a whimper leaving your lips as you tried to move away from the laugh in your ear. "Let me show you what would've happened." You head was pushed forward, but when you fell you weren't met with the concrete in the alleyway. Instead, you were met with a familiar wooden floor.

You scrambled up searching around to be met with your room. That was your bed, and your desk, the same window you looked out of on rainy days. But the atmosphere seemed darker, duller even. You waited until your heart calmed, and your breath evened out before getting to your feet. You could hear the muffled speaking from outside your door which seemed to calm your nerves. It had all just been some weird freaky dream. A smile came to your face at this, you weren't in Derry, and you didn't have a fight with your dad. It was just you and your head.

You quickly opened your door, making your way into the living room. You froze when you saw the people gathered around your mom. They all turned when they heard you come in, all giving you the same disgusted look. Your eyes wandered over each of them, trying to figure out why they were here now, right after what you had just seen. "Mom?" She only looked at you for a moment before glancing away, a letter held close to her chest. You went to speak again but was too late. "So this is t-the reason why he did it?" Bill asked as he looked you up and down, before turning to the others. "I understand why he did it now." Mike was the next to speak, your breathing picking up again as he shook his head. "Just look at her." You were about to call out for your mom again, but Ben stood in front of her. "You've done enough already, you should've stayed in your room." You gulped as you stepped back though you ended up bumping into Beverly as she came in, she gave you a glare before pushing you away from her. "He didn't deserve this." You looked at each of them again, finally managing to get something in. "Please, I don't know what you're talking about!"

Richie let out a scoff. "Stop making this into some sick joke, you're a fucking murderer!" You looked at the ground. What Richie had said went through your head over and over again, you couldn't stop it as you finally looked over at Eddie who, like everyone else, had a glare set on you. "It would've been better if you were the one that died, not Stan." You shook your head, so preoccupied that you hadn't even noticed the tears running down your face. You tried to deny what they were saying as you backed up, but they just followed along.

"I didn't, I didn't want this to happen- I didn't." They all began to laugh at your emotional state, the same as what you had heard before getting thrown back into your room. "If you weren't such a disappointment, he would still be hear." At this point, you couldn't tell who was speaking. You stared around each of them as you backed up, and whatever they were saying just overlapped each other but you heard the taunts and insults clear as day.

When you felt the doorknob in your hand you quickly turned it, moving into the bathroom as well as slamming the door behind you. The voices stopped altogether when the door was shut, however, your sobs continued as you leaned your forehead onto the door. You coughed a couple of times while trying to calm yourself. You didn't need to have a panic attack right now cause you knew whoever was outside that door wouldn't help, instead, they'd make it worse. So you turned around, planning on splashing your face with some water and clean your face up before making a plan.

But all that left you was a deafening scream.

Stans's arm hung from the bath, blood running down from the cuts on his arm and onto the bathroom floor creating a puddle. His eyes were just lifeless, his head resting on his bloody arm as he stared down at the puddle. There was something written on his blood on the wall, and when you finally took notice through the tears you read it. 'Your fault."

Your back hit the door before you fell to the ground, sobs growing louder as you squeezed your eyes shut. You let out another scream as the door lurched forward a bit from whoever hit it, followed by another bang and then another. You moved off to the side of it, back now near the wall as you heard all the losers voices screaming from beyond the door. Your hands moved up to cover your ears, though it didn't fully stop the noises getting through to you. You finally moved, gripping at your hair as you let out another sob and you rambled about not wanting this to happen. You just wanted to go back to the Town House, back to your dad so you could just let him hold you. To tell him how sorry you were and what you didn't mean what you said.

But you would never be able to tell him that.

You closed in on yourself more as you heard the banging become more urgent, though this time, you could've sworn you heard them telling you to snap out of it, calling your name through the haze of panic. But you didn't move, you wouldn't allow yourself to be tricked again. So when the door opened, probably almost being yanked from it's hinges you didn't move an inch. As your arm was yanked you finally opened your eyes, however, the last thing you saw was a bright white light that caused a sharp pain to go through them, before darkness took over your vision.

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[eternaljouska]

Days of Cats and Bears - Yoon Jeonghan

Pairing: Jeonghan x Reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt-Comfort

Warning: Self-Harm (The harmful thought and action, please proceed with caution), several expletives

Word Count: 5,450 (It was supposed to be 3k-ish hehe)

Note: Short Term 12 came to mind while writing this. Happy very late birthday uri cheonsa, Jeonghannie~ Happy late world mental health day, and happy birthday, Jiminnie, you’re also an angel. I love the title header, I love this story, and I hope you love it too. Enjoy!

“I don’t need this,” you spit out, your bloodshot eyes piercing through your caregiver’s bored ones. Your teeth are chattering and your body is shaking from your burning rage. “I know you think I’m a lost cause, but you’re wrong. I’m not a cause. I don’t need this. I don’t need you.”

Hyorin doesn’t say anything back. She turns around and leaves you with the echo of the creaking doors.

The next day, it’s Jeonghan who greets you good morning. Jeonghan is new in the facility; yesterday was his mini welcome party. But now they assigned him to you. You scoff, “You’re not Hyorin,” stating the obvious.

“You don’t like Hyorin,” he asserts as he grabs a seat on the edge of your bed.

Although that’s the truth, you brush his words away. There’s something more crucial than you disliking Hyorin, a question melding with the simmering anger inside your chest which makes your voice break at the end of your sentence. “Why, she gave up on me or something?” She’s not supposed to give up. It’s her fucking job. She’s not supposed to try and prove your point.

Jeonghan’s gaze captures yours for the long second it takes for you to look away. “No. I must tell you, she’s quite relieved that she’ll have a break, but no. I volunteered.”

He volunteered, and you don’t know whether to be glad or to be mad. Your thumbnail digs into the skin of your forefinger. And it only doubles the fury you’re curbing that the familiar act doesn’t give you any sensation at all. They’re blunt, your nails. Hyorin checks them every three days; she clips them too short for your liking. I’m not a cause. Does he think I’m some kind of a level-up challenge in a game that he needs to win?

“I know what you’re thinking. I—“

“You don’t,” you cut him.

Jeonghan closes his mouth, the gleam in his eyes undisturbed by your hostility. “Alright, I don’t. That’s true. Anyway, choose an animal.”

“What?” you mumble, his swift topic-changing catching you off-guard.

“Choose an animal. That’s how we learn about our mood from now on. For example, I’ll be a cat: belly full, lounging on the sofa, generally calm, and admittedly”—he leans forward, voice dropping into a conspiratorial whisper—“just a tiny bit sleepy.”

You scoff, more than a little bit amused by the new caregiver. The others are friendly—professional friendly, just a bunch of people slightly older than you who get a little cocky from the experience of being entitled to or responsible for something. But this guy, he seems to be actually enjoying his time, and that somehow calms the aggression flickering both in your chest and in your thumb. “That’s stupid,” you say briskly, and Jeonghan springs back up to his previous position as if your comment had physically slapped him on the face. “You made that? That’s even more complicated than the previous system.”

“I- I,“ he stutters, “I’m sad. I thought you would appreciate that.”

He’s dramatic, but that seems like fun.

“Appreciate the fact that you’re sad? Very much do,” you say as you bite back your smile.

“I want a cactus,” you confess. “I don’t need an ice cream cake.”

An ice cream cake was nice; it was good. And seeing that you’ve never had one in all these months you’ve stayed in the facility, you knew better to inhale it in one go before vocalizing your protest. You’ve always requested for a cactus before, but they deem it too dangerous. You know they don’t do their research this way. Even though your knowledge of the plant is rudimentary at best, you know that not all cacti are dangerous, as they put it.

It’s been only less than two weeks since Jeonghan became your assigned caregiver, and he’s managed to gift you an ice cream cake. He would give you all the credits, though. ‘Seven consecutive days of cats!’ he exclaimed as he made his grand appearance through your door less than an hour ago. A cat: belly full, lounging on the sofa, generally calm, and admittedly more than a tiny bit bored. So it makes all the sense in the world that you hang your hope of a cactus upon him. With the progress that you’ve made since his arrival here, they’ll certainly trust him, right?

And they do.

After a long—and unnecessary—discussion involving Jeonghan pleading and defending your case, he barges into your room five days later with a small box covered with white wrapping paper with chickens all over it. You’ve anxiously and expectantly waited for him and the news he’s bearing, and although it’s long since he threw away his modesty of knocking at your half-closed door, you find yourself jump from your seat in surprise when he does.

“What is that?”

“Hens-and-Chicks!” His face brightens, seemingly proud of what he has to offer you on his outstretched hand.

But you, on the other hand, are still having some difficulties to fully comprehend his blaring signals. “What?”

“You don’t know? You should know!”

“Again, what?”

“Hens. And. Chicks! A cactus,” he groans as he stomps his way to your bed. “For someone who’s adamant about wanting a cactus, you should’ve known what Hens-and-Chicks are. Argh, I’m so mad. I think I’m close to the bear level, oh my god, this is so disappointing. Ugh, you’re bringing my aggression level to the max.”

You snort, “You’re so dramatic.” You crawl closer to him and accept your present and carefully remove the tape from the wrapping paper. You despise it when people tear the wrapping paper almost as if they’ve buried a deep-running grudge towards it.

“That was supposed to be a good joke.” He nods at the wrapping paper that you set aside.

“What? This? This wrapping paper? Why, because you’re giving me Hens. And. Chicks! in a box wrapped in Hens. And. Chicks! wrapping paper?” You raise your brow at him, and when he feigns a scowl, you pat his head playfully. “A good one, Jeonghan. A good one.”

He watches you that afternoon. As you place the little pot close to the window and water it for the first time, you can feel his gaze that’s sticking to your back like your clothes on a summer day. You ignore it, too busy spooning waters for your new adoptee. You want to thank him, but what comes out of your mouth is a bark of ‘Why hadn’t this baby come sooner?’

Well, that’s the best he can get from you. But he’s fine with that.

Another week has passed, and you almost received the ice cream cake reward yesterday if only your cats hadn’t been interrupted by one dog. ‘It was one day, Jeonghan. One. Day. And that’s because Soonyoung was antagonizing my Henchi,’ you reasoned. Henchi, by the way, is how you call your plant—Hens-and-Chicks abbreviated, so creative.

Jeonghan had only chortled before he brought his hands forth from their hiding place behind his back, and you gasp, gleeful giggles bursting past your previously pouty lips. “I thought someone said ‘I don’t need an ice cream cake.’ Boy, oh boy, now that they have Henchi, I guess now we need the ice cream cake, after all. Anyway, what’s Henchi’s status?”

“Oh, so now it’s Henchi’s status all we care about? And for your information, I didn’t sound like that. Also, Henchi’s still a cactus, the last time I checked. And I’m still a cat.” You take the small plate from Jeonghan’s hand only to find out that something is slightly off from your ice cream cake. “No, scratch that. I’m a dog! Yoon Jeonghan, did you eat my ice cream cake? Ohoho, I think I’m gonna be a bear.”

The young man smiles triumphantly even though he realizes he might be murdered right on the spot because of what he did. “Yes, I—“

“What?! How dare you?!”

“Six-seventh of an ice cream cake for six of your cats. That’s what you—“ His words are interrupted by a shriek that quickly transforms into the laughter you’ve become familiar with—and extremely fond of if you have to add. “Hey! Stop hitting me! That will cost you your ice cream cake! Y/n!”

“No, I’m not gonna stop. You deserve this! You could’ve just cut it from the cake and ate it like that instead of eating straight from my cake.” You keep on hitting his back in spite of his numerous ‘ow!’ since you know that they are as fake as your attack.

“Y/n, stop it right now. I swear—“

“What is happening here?”

You both snap your head towards the door in the instant that you hear his voice, Mr. Choi, the facility’s supervisor. He and Hyorin are standing in the doorway, both giving you suspicious looks. “I’m sorry, we’re just playing games,” Jeonghan answers, immediate enough that you dare to hope they would believe him.

“You know we can’t have games that involve violence.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I will not use that game again.”

From the way he speaks, you know Jeonghan is nervous. And seeing that Mr. Choi only glanced at him once before continuously eyeing the melting ice cream cake atop your nightstands, you understand why.

Shit.

“You’re not supposed to give me the cake, were you?” you shout-whisper after the sound of Mr. Choi and Hyorin’s steps fade into the background as they walk farther.

Jeonghan averts your worried eyes and gives you the tiniest of a smile. “Just eat it, okay?”

Jeonghan is distant in the next few days. You change your animal daily, but he says nothing. So you spend all day sitting in front of Henchi, feeding it two spoons of water right after Jeonghan’s visit to clip your nails ends. Unlike Hyorin, he does it every four days.

You count Henchi’s bulbous leaves over and over again, every day, as you contemplate the changing in Jeonghan’s behavior. There’s no more cat day for you. It’s hard to feel full, calm, and bored when you’re a boiling pot of concern and temper. And now, dread also throws itself inside your pot, for you notice that when you’re about to water Henchi, the bottommost leaves are turning brown. The chair screeches at the haste of your standing up. “Jeonghan! Jeonghan! Jeong—“

“What happens?” he gasps out, breath heavy from the short run he obviously did to reach your room as soon as his legs allow.

“Henchi,” you sob. “It’s—it’s rotting. It’s dying.”

Jeonghan’s body sways out of balance when he takes his first step towards you. “Let me see,” he breathes out as he kneels to take a closer look at Henchi. He sticks his thumb and forefinger under the plant and pulls every brown leaf and tears them off the rest of your Hens-and-Chicks. You look at him warily but do not stop him, your thumb curling to dig its nail into your forefinger. And that action strikes you as familiar and at the same time, peculiar. You can’t remember the last time it happened. It’s been too long.

“Just, don’t water it for the next two weeks, and it’ll be fine.”

He disappears before you say thank you.

Six days after that, you are reduced into a quaking ball of sobs and whimpers. And that’s how Jeonghan finds you in the corner of your room behind the door.

“Y/n!” he calls out, terror dripping generously from his lips despite only saying a single word.

“Henchi… Jeonghan, Henchi…”

Today, you decided that you would water Henchi regardless of Jeonghan’s advice. Four days ago, you found the new bottommost layer of your plant to be rotting, so you plucked them off Henchi’s healthy body, leaving only four rosettes behind. Day after day, you worry your lips into the bite of your teeth and your skin into your nails. You haven’t watered your cactus in days, and the soil is visibly dry on the surface, so there shouldn’t be any reason for it to continue rotting.

Two days ago, Henchi has merely three rosettes left. That’s why when you woke up this morning you wondered whether underwatering could somehow be the reason why. But alas, when you picked up your glass of water and a spoon, you realized that there’s no plant to water anymore.

“Y/n,” Jeonghan coos after he saw that rot had successfully ousted the green flesh off Henchi’s rosettes. “Y/n, shh, stop crying now, it’s okay.”

You grit your teeth, preventing the scream imprisoned in your throat. “It’s not,” you seethe, trying to keep your volume low, lest other caregivers start to crowd in your room. “Henchi died because of me. It’s not okay.”

Jeonghan falls to both of his knees in front of you, his hands reaching out for yours, but you don’t let them. “Henchi,” he starts, “Henchi… you love Henchi too much it died.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, hear me, you- you watered it too much it died. See, water is your love, and the small plant could only take so much. Now, being loved is a burden, Y/n, even more than the act of loving itself.”

You know that those are white lies he’s using to assuage you. But somehow, you let yourself hung your hope upon him once again as you let his cold fingers grasp yours. You don’t need another death attached to your name. And right after that thought crosses your mind, your breath hitches.

“Have you been on Cocaine?”

“It’s none of your business, Y/n. Let me go.” Your younger brother has grown to be taller than you are, stronger than you are, but the hand that you hold is only shaking yours weakly, not enough to release it free. Little do you know, that is nothing but a camouflage for the tremble on his red knuckles. What you know is that the protective clutch his other hand has over his satchel must have hidden your answer.

“Give me your bag.”

“No, Y/n, let’s talk about this—“

“I said give me your bag!”

“Noona,” he pleads. He never calls you that, being only a year apart and so close to each other and whatnot. He only does it when he desperately wants something from you. “Please. I need to go. Let me go.”

“Jisung, how could you do that to yourself? To me?”

He cries. “Noona, please, we need to go. I’ll tell you later, I promise. I’ll stop. I’ll do whatever you want, but please, let’s—“

“Ya! Jisung, you bastard! Give me my money!”

Your attention moves from your brother’s wide eyes to the burly man calling out for his name. The man runs towards where both of you stand with overflowing vehemence, and that alone sends shivers down your back.

“Noona, run! Run, I said run!” Your brother’s urgency is clear through the way he speaks. You want to tell him that whoever that man is, he’s close, but then he shoves you with all of his might. “I’m sorry! I love you.”

The burly man surges towards your brother and punches him in the face. Again. And again. And you just stayed there, stunned. Until both men direct their attention to you and your brother cracks out, “Run!”

And you did.

You run to the nearest police station. But when the officer found your brother, it’s too late.

“Y/n? Hey, it’s okay, it’ll be—“

“Jeonghan?” You call him, the weight of your brother’s death growing bigger and bigger in your chest and the only thing stopping you from exploding is Jeonghan’s white lies you choose to believe. “Do you think that’s why he died? Jisung? Because I love him too much?”

Jeonghan reads into the line of your lips and the wide of your orbs, and he nods, smiling at the sliver of hope that he discovered there. But then your eyes are blinking, searching for truth on his gaze, and your lips are quivering, tears flowing freely until they disappear at the cusp of Jeonghan’s palms on your cheeks. “Is that why then?” Your voice is the weak flutter of a butterfly’s wings when you speak, and your face holds the agony of that same butterfly emerging from its chrysalis in the past, and Jeonghan wants nothing else for you to expand your wings and take your flight courageously already. “Is that why I’m not dead? Because- because—“

“Y/n—“

“No, listen, listen, that… I- nobody loves me. That- that’s… That’s why I’m here in the first place, right? Right?”

“No, no, no, Y/n, no. That’s not right. That’s not—“

“But that’s what you said earlier! Henchi”—you grab on the flesh of your arms and paw at it as you speak—“Henchi died—“

“Y/n, stop that, give me your hand. Y/n, hey, look at me. Look at me, I’m here. I’m here, aren’t I? I don’t die yet. We’re on the same page, Y/n. We’re still alive. But you know what, everybody’s gonna die. And I believe that’s because someday, everyone’s going to finally have it in their life. That person who loves you so much, you can’t help but share the burden of loving, together. And your brother, Y/n, he loved you so much and you loved him just as much, if not more. And let me tell you, Y/n, that much love is dangerous. You are loved, Y/n. You are loved.”

“You promise?”

“I promise.” There’s something in his eyes that makes you want to sob even more—if only to prolong his stay and the comfort he offers. You’re certain; tomorrow he’ll be a stranger to the Jeonghan you first knew. “Come, give me your hand. Let’s clip your nails, alright? Trying to hurt yourself to quicken the arrival of death doesn’t make that person comes earlier to your life.”

Right before Jeonghan walks out of your room, you call him, “Jeonghan?”

“Yes?”

“Will you… will you wait with me? Will you stay with me until that person comes?”

Jeonghan only smiles.

It’s been eight days since they threw Henchi away; they didn’t let you keep Henchi’s plastic pot in your room. And you went berserk. Because Jeonghan didn’t even spare you a glance when that happened.

It enrages you, the way he only shows his reaction when you hurt yourself. You only want to know what happened—what changed so that he became so indifferent towards you. Was it the ice cream cake accident? Did Mr. Choi do something? You tried to confront him after they threw Henchi. And the next day. And the next day. But in the end, you got tired of trying. So you stop minding him. Or at the very least, stop minding him consciously.

It was two days ago that you got a breakdown. You bit your bottom lip through Jeonghan’s daily check-up, and he left after ten minutes of strangling silence. And when you set your lip free from your teeth, you dazed for a second from the metallic taste in your mouth. You laughed then. How stupid of you. They’ve clipped your nails blunt, but you’ve forgotten all about the sharp ivories stored behind the boundary of your lips. You latched them onto your arm, stronger and stronger until tears were blurring your sight and a purplish mark was left on their wake.

Jeonghan noticed the tremble on your harmed arm the next day he checked up on you, and although he was a ravenous, aggressive, and triggered bear, you were glad because he’s once again the man that you’re falling for.

And you’re sad. Because it seemed that the only way you’ll get to see the glimpse of that person was after you planted noxious violet on your skin.

You’re walking in the dim corridor to the kitchen to heat up a glass of milk in the microwave, trying to be as quiet as you can even though you know the microwave will surely kill the quiet you attempt for in such an obnoxious way you want to cease from existence. And yet, before the microwave has the chance to make true of your prediction, the creak of a door interrupts the silence first.

“Hyorin, did you hear yourself? Kissing in the facility would be strike one for you.”

Your heart beats violently at the sound of his voice. You hear it every day, but those words he utters on the daily, they’re like the voicemail greeting of a lost person. But more than anything, you want your heart to stop at the knowledge of who he’s talking to and what the conversation might be about. But in spite of your protesting heart, you tiptoe your way to the source of noise anyway.

“It’d be two for you, after that stupid ice cream cake,” Hyorin scoffs, “I don’t care.”

And you freeze, for Hyorin suddenly buries Jeonghan’s face in the shadow of her head, proving your latest prediction to be true. They kiss. And you thank all of the powers on the earth that you can still turn your body around not to witness your hope shrivels and dies in front of your eyes. You walk blindly back to the kitchen and slump down, leaning on the bottom shelf of the island as you cry. You bite the back of your left hand to suppress your sob. Burying your head on your knees, you clasp your other hand on your ear, refusing to hear the sound of the door opening and closing in a snap.

You don’t know how, but you made your way to your room. You blink. It’s funny. You feel more lifeless than any living person should be, but you can’t laugh, perhaps that’s the very first sign of death.

Jeonghan sees the bite mark, but he doesn’t bark. He whispers his questions, but you keep your silence. And that goes on for days. Until he explodes, and you shatter.

“What’s your status? Is it the bear?” It is clear that he’s trying to control himself, but his tone has long since mismatched the pastel color of his voice.

“What fucking bear Jeonghan? Polar bear? Sloth bear? Grizzly bear? This is fucking ridiculous, you know that?” Your eyes glint with fury, although perhaps it is your perpetual tears that catch the morning lights for the sake of giving out the illusion of life.

“What happened to you? Where’s this coming from?”

“I don’t know, Jeonghan. What happened to you?” He drops his gaze and falls quiet. “Oh, now you’re quiet.”

Your right hand is hiding under your blanket, blunt nail impressing crescents onto your skin. Jeonghan is hiding in front of you, and you want to find him, but one of your hands is too preoccupied and the other is too weak from the scar you inflicted.

“I don’t need this,” you mutter, your thought flying back to the time where Jeonghan had never set a step in your life. “Why don’t you just let me out? Fuck, you don’t even tell me what it takes to get out of this fucking facility.”

“We don’t want anyone to fake or manipulate their condition just to have us let them go.”

“But why? Why Jeonghan, why?” The first sob successfully tears itself out of your mouth, and you see a glimpse of the man whose hand you long to hold. Hatred is forming in your gut. Why? Why only now are you here? “Why am I here? Why? I want to go. I want to go!”

“Your parents want us to care for you.”

At his remote and mechanical answer, your nail digs deeper into your flesh, and in place of the scream bubbling in your throat, you laugh hysterically instead. “Oh, they won’t care.” You watch him watching you crumble. “How… How could I fucking live like this?”

“Y/n, give me your hand.”

“No. Tell me, how could I fucking live like this?” By now, you’re raising your voice since Jeonghan rushes to your side to uncover the hiding place of your furious fingers. “I said no! You think you’re helping, right? Right? Let me tell you this, you’re not! You made things worse! You made things fucking worse!”

Jeonghan catches your hand, and you scream, “Let me go! Fucking let me go! Let me out this fucking place! Why can’t you just let me out and—“

“Because you’re gonna fucking kill yourself, Y/n! That’s why!”

Silence falls with the weight of Jeonghan’s outburst. That’s true. You know that’s true. In fact, that’s the continuation of the sentence he interrupted.

The thin walls listen and words spread. Today is Jeonghan’s last strike.

The face that greets your day is not Jeonghan’s. It’s Hyorin’s. And you want to cry the tears your exhausted ducts can no longer excrete—after last night, you would think your body doesn’t have extra water to waste anymore. Jeonghan is gone.

You were about to close your eyes again, physically and mentally tired to deal with Hyorin, moreover since she only reminds you of that night in the corridor. But it’s the familiar image of chickens on a slick paper that rouses you up so quickly you could’ve collapsed back onto the bed from the pounding in your head. She tried to hide it behind her back, but it’s too late, you’ve seen it, a box very much like the one Jeonghan used to present Henchi.

“Morning. Let’s see your status,” Hyorin lets out, leaning her body on the wall just next to the door. Hyorin, she’s always so straightforward. You’ve always wondered why she works in the facility when she doesn’t seem to like what she’s doing—she doesn’t even bother to hide it. But in any case, you guess it’s good of her not to pretend.

Knowing that your status and the box she’s hiding must have a causative relationship, you decide to lie to her. “A cat. Just an exhausted cat,” you croak out.

But in turn, Hyorin frowns. “What do you mean a cat?” Her words are not hostile; they’re genuine confusion.

“What did Jeonghan say when he reports my status?”

“The usual one-to-ten scale. What do you mean? Did he not follow that method?”

You blink. “Don’t worry about that. He used the scale, but he had his additional method, just to make sure.”

Hyorin looks at you long before she hands the gift box to you, “From Jeonghan. Mr. Choi didn’t allow it at first, seeing how bad it was when your plant died. Doesn’t want to repeat that. But Jeonghan can be very persuasive,” she pauses, throwing her gaze away from you to the floor, “And I helped, too. I’m sorry. This is all my fault that Jeonghan’s gone. I’ve never really warmed up to anyone in this place, but it’s different with him. I think you’d agree to that.”

You nod. Jeonghan was different. But it doesn’t matter. He’s gone.

“And you’re right. This work is not for me. You’ve shouted at me, screaming all those words, and it’s only now that I realized the truth behind them. I’m sorry, Y/n. I guess I have a problem of my own. But anyway, this is my last day of work, and the least I can do for you is help Jeonghan convinced Mr. Choi about that present.” Hyorin tugs the edge of his lips into a small smile, and at that moment, your heart warms even a little. It’s like you’re seeing a different person standing in front of you. And suddenly, that warmth shoots up to your eyes, filling them with more tears you don’t know you still have. “Goodbye, Y/n. I hope you’ll find your peace within you.”

“Thank you,” you whispers, heart heavy with another farewell.

It’s another Hens-and-Chicks. You knew that from the second you laid your eyes on the wrapping paper. You sniffle, the memory only adds to your pain. There are two letters, one stamped with a cat sticker on the envelope and the other with a bear; you open the bear first.

Dear Y/n,

I have no idea what bear the bear on the bear sticker is. But it is a bear since it’s a bear sticker. And I wrote this because I’m half a bear, and I believe you are too. I’m sorry. I hurt you, and you hurt yourself because of me. I hope that doesn’t come out as cocky. But Y/n, I’m truly sorry. For the harsh words that I said and for the stranger that I’ve become. I’m sorry. Mr. Choi suspects that I treated you differently than the others, and I suspect that it’s true. I didn’t want to be relocated to a new facility because I want to be there for you. I want to wait with you. You asked me about it that day, but I couldn’t promise you anything because you see, here I am unpacking my stuff in a new facility (not now since I’m writing this, but probably at the time that you read this.) Despite wasting my time to be indifferent towards you, I’m still stupid enough to get relocated. You might be confused as to why everything happened. You know that we, the caregivers, have rules in the facility too, break three and you’re out. And you guessed it, I did. First is the ice cream cake, the third is the outburst, and the second involves Hyorin. She did something purposefully to add my strike; you never knew what a broken-hearted person’s capable of doing until they do it. But don’t be mad with her or yourself. It’s nobody’s fault but mine. Hyorin helped to get this confidential letter to go past Mr. Choi after all. She helps convince him about Hanchi, too, you see (for JeongHAN’s Hens-and-CHIcks—HA! I’m more creative than you!) I trust Hanchi in your care. I know you’ll do well (I printed out tips I found on the back of this letter. Also, Hanchi lives in Henchi’s pot. I saved it from the trashcan.) But don’t get too heartbroken if things don’t go the way you want them to be. Be gentle with your heart, Y/n. Be kind to yourself. Don’t bite, you don’t want them to start pulling out your teeth (I’m sorry, I’m laughing at the image of a toothless Y/n.)

The other envelope is your key. I can’t elaborate on that, but I know you’ll understand. This has been a long letter. I hope what I wrote here calms the bear in you, Y/n. See you on the other side. I’ll be there when you finally spread your wings and fly.

Sincerely,

Jeonghan

You bring the letter close to your chest before your free-falling tears manage to land themselves upon Jeonghan’s handwriting and ruin it. You want to revel in his words, read it over and over again and save it in the locket of your heart. You don’t want to open the other envelope, not yet. You don’t want the moment to end, but you know it’ll never end—not if it’s Jeonghan. He stays; he will stay with you no matter what. Through the letter he promised you he’ll wait with you, and you trust that he will. So you let your bear go into the wild and his letter back into its home.

The cat envelope saves one big folded poster, and you understand why the cat sticker is there. The envelope—or the poster—is a sanctuary for seven columns and fourteen rows of various cats in various poses. Several cats are missing from the first and last row. Frustration slowly crawls alongside the flow of your blood at your failure of comprehending Jeonghan’s words at the end of his letter. The other envelope is your key. You begin counting the number of cats modeling on your poster by then; there are ninety of them all. Ninety cats are your key.

The other envelope is your key. See you on the other side.

Ninety cats are your key.

And then it occurs to you just what Jeonghan means. You snort, eyes glimmering with both tears and newborn hope. That man and his wit.

That night you dream of your brother, a white cat sleeping on his lap. He strokes her clean furs lovingly, and you raise your head when he suddenly stops. He sees you and smiles. And you aren’t awakened with a jolt or a scream or a sob. That morning, you wake up with a smile. And you share the rare crescent of your lips with the new face who greets you.

Wait for me, Jeonghan, wait for me.

Note again: Is this the longest fic i’ve written so far?? This is how things turn out when you take your time on them, people. Also, Leo, if you read this, I freaked out when I saw that succulent ask you rb, but I didn’t tell you because I was writing this at that time and I give out no spo hehe.

Thank you for reading!

[characternerdocs]

💿 + Emery

You will probably notice that there is an artist that pops up a lot on this list, Robyn Adele Anderson, that’s because she is one of my inspirations for Em, her look, voice, mannerisms, etc., etc. It also plays into Emery’s background of being a singer/entertainer at the Mysterious Stanger speakeasy, back in the early 1900′s.

“Ex’s and Oh’s” by Elle King - Honestly this is just one of the first songs that I remember associating with Emery. Cause honestly she goes through partners quick. But I also think (or at the very least she thinks) that they will never get over her. There are also some lyrics that foreshadow some events. :3c 

"Helena" cover by Robyn Adele Anderson - So this song I headcanon as about said future event. There’s a point that Emery because a ghost, which exclusively haunts Heath since he is the only one who had the ability to. And she really melancholy about it. And I just imagine her sing this to him.

"Soon We'll Be Found" Cover by Robyn Adele Anderson -  And other Heath and Emery song. This one I headcanon taking place after a rather traumatic event in their friendship after Ramiel, Heath’s gf at the time, shot him seemingly in cold blood and then tried to bait Emery with the blood of her best friend. Cause as a hunter, these bound to be SOME collateral damage when taking on monsters. And Heath, who always had an overly kind nature, got caught in the crosshairs. when his friend’s ravenous nature won out. Heath just trusted the wrong monster. ANYWAY, I imagine this as Emery trying to calm Heath as he’s fading. Spoilers’ Heath was ‘‘fine.’‘ ya know, just a few weeks in a coma, ‘bout 10 cm of small intestines lost in emergency surgery, and a star-shaped scar left behind from the gunshot. but he’s FINE.

“Made You Miss” by Maddie Poppe - Again, it’s Emery, she’s flirty and loves to play hard to get. But also she is super spiteful and she will play with people’s emotions.

“Gangsta's Paradise” - Vintage 1920's Al Capone Style Coolio Cover by Postmodern Jukebox ft. Robyn Adele Anderson - Okay so Emery was a gangsta, back in the 1920- late 30′s. She was a part of a strange paranormal mafia. In fact, though she did get her hands dirty too, she was the main squeeze of the mob boss. But Emery also isn’t super happy about being in this mafia life, cause her price to see it was her becoming a vampire. She’s got involved with the boss cause abruptly found herself part of this unseen paranormal underground, and the boss was there to help her. And being the boss’s girl gave her protection and though their romance was very hot and steamy, the boss also kept her somewhat naive to the paranormal so that she could easily leave him. So she was somewhat stuck.

“All The Boys” by Panic! at the Disco - Again Emery is a player, and a femme fatal. She’s been around and highly sought out as she presents herself as a sex symbol. But similarly to how Robyn Adele Anderson is an inspiration for Em, Bredon Urie is an inspiration for a certain demon who plays heavily in Emery’s story. One that does love her madly and believes that she is his.

“Paint It Black” Cover by Robyn Adele Anderson - I just like this song. I sorta imagine it as Emery comparing her outlook to that of Heath, who is overly optimistic and idealistic in her mind. where she is very VERY jaded and has thought of herself for many decades as only a monster. It wasn’t until Heath's friendship, did Emery start to see herself more.

“Requiem (from Dear Evan Hansen)” covered by Anna - This is Emery morning her human life (more repressing the grief for her humanity and most treasured love), that was stripped away from her. It wasn’t a great life. It was filled with a lot of regrets and acts she’d take back if she could. As her father disowned her after she was discovered partaking in unladylike pastimes. And her mother, who she was close to, slipped away to early-onset Alzheimer's (unknown at the time it was 1920′s) And it all topped off with her convincing herself she is not but a monster now.

“Closer” (Nine Inch Nails) Cover by Robyn Adele Anderson - So super NSFW song, but one thing that Em does is that she drowns her problems in sex. That is literally what’s going on in this song. Yay! :’D

“Vampire” by The Orion Experience - Super obvious song is super obvious! Emery’s a vampire! But also the lyrics do fittingly describe Em, with “Hotter than a campfire, Heart has got no pitty, sexy black stiletto, One kiss will bring you to your knees.” So obvious but fitting.

“Candy Store” from Heathers, acoustic cover by Mariah Rose Faith - So Emery was base a bit on Heather Chandler from Heathers, (and yes, MY Heather did get her name from this movie/play, though I don’t feel like fits any character from Heathers. I just watch the movie the night before my friends pressed me for a name for the chaotic “girl”) the whole mega-bitch, queen bee vibe, but as I explored her character more and she became more than just mean, pretty girl, I feel like the acoustic cover of this song is fitting. Cause she’s still mean and bitch, but there’s sadness in there too.

“There are Worse Things I Could Do” from Grease - Hopefully this link works cause I love this performance of the song, which I believe is from the Australian cast recording, but apparently it no longer exists except on my iPod? so I put it up unlisted on my youtube. But again this song I feel goes to the heart that; Yeah Emery’s a bitch but she’s not unfeeling, even though she’d really like you to think she is causing, fuck your sympathy, she a cruel evil monster. Honestly, she’s a lot like Vincent in that she doesn’t like to show her vulnerabilities. I’ve imagined her singing this song to Heath, to Logan. And honestly, this vision I think has the best emotional. don’t @ me for that, just my opinion.

“The Vampire” by Solace and Fury - again! The super obvious song is super obvious! Emery’s a vampire! But I like this song cause I think it goes to Emery’s mentality of being a Vampire isn’t glitzy and glamourous. She is though, but being glamourous and being a vampire are mutually exclusive. As a vampire, you're a monster, your this dark creature that does dark and horrific things. It ain’t sexy. Emery is sexy, but again, mutually exclusive.

Thanks for the ask @icybreaths, I hope you enjoy the songs and the explanation behind why they're in Emery’s playlist. I actually have playlists for every OC, Ship, and relationship. And I’ve considered doing Musical Mondays, where it’s a requested OC or Pair + an emotion or event. Idk, I just hoard music

[omgviolette12]

Dark morning, Part 2

An AU Loki fic

Summary:  Lita sourly regretted going to his office. She should’ve stayed home, to work on her manuscript. Then she would head out to the daycare, and watch her cute little son play for a bit. Live in her ignorant bubble. But no, she just had to make him lunch, didn’t she?

Chapters: 2/3

Pairing: Loki/Original Character

Words: 2292

Warning: Angst, Implied/Referenced cheating

A/N :  A sad fic to match the gloomy, rainy weather rn. I love reading heartbreaking shit on occasion, so enjoy this two-shot of depression. Sorry not sorry. Inspired by @voila-tout‘s fic, “Little Do you Know”

---------

The first thing that Loki found alarming was the darkness of the house. Lita should most definitely be home about now. In fact, he knew she was home since her car was parked in the driveway. This puzzled him. The house would usually be filled with a delicious aroma, a warm glow of comfort enveloping the atmosphere. Her singing as she worked to prepare dinner. But silence reigned.

He held his son as he made his way further into the house, flicking the nearest switch to turn on the lights.

“Mmm... where Momma?” Uri fidgeted restlessly in his arms, wanting to be put down.

“Settle down Uri, your mother’s probably sleeping,”

That was the conclusion he drew up in his head, urging his son to return back to sleep with a gentle whisper. He didn’t have to do much urging however, the car ride making him sufficiently drowsy. He carried Uri to his room, placing him carefully into his cradle for a nap.

After that was done, Loki went to look for Lita, heading straight to their bedroom first. He hoped she was actually there, asleep.

Loki opened the door, and he found her immediately.

Her small silhouette sat by the large window under the cover of darkness, the cold air drifting in to ruffle the curtains above her. Since the window was open, her dress was thoroughly drenched because of the rain.

“Lita? Darling….”

He made his way over to her in large strides after turning on the light in the room, stooping beside her. Worry and confusion overtook his face when she did not deign to acknowledge his presence, her face turned stubbornly to look outside as the rain pelted against her face.

“How long have you been sitting here in the dark? Lita? You even neglected to pick up Uri. I did it for you, so you don’t have to worry. But, what happened? Why is the window open?”

“........”

No response.

Loki swallowed, the lump in his throat becoming extremely painful. It was decided. She knew...she most definitely knew. Why else would she be ignoring him so fervently?  But he had to ask, just to be sure.

He sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable outburst.

“Lita, did...did you come by the office today?”

But again, he was met with silence.

He shakily took a hold of her hand, holding it against his lips to kiss it, “Love...please. I know… I know what you probably saw was - was terrible. It was just...meaningless sex, I assure you. I only love you.”

Even with his outright confession, her body moved not an inch. She didn’t even revolt from his touch, or look at him with the disgust that he knew he deserved.

He began to grow frustrated, his expression twisting. He let go of her hand, moving to grab her shoulders full-on to turn her towards him, “ I know you can’t even look at me, but say something! Curse at me, tell me how much of a bastard I am. Hit me, anything! Don’t...don’t run away from me like this...talk to me,”

All he got in response was the patter of the rain against the windowsill.

Although her body now faced him from when he grabbed her shoulders, her head remained turned away.

He got up from his knee, moving to pace the room in frantic steps. He sat down on the bed with a loud thump, hands moving to cover his face.

Why in the world wasn’t she speaking?

She never ignored him before. Even in their most heated arguments, she always sought to speak with him about whatever it was that troubled her. Was his betrayal that shocking?

Tears threatened to overtake his eyes. Deep down...he knew it was.

Loki looked up from his fingers to stare at her, brows furrowed. Her body was like a statue, he could barely even make out a single twitch. Lita was positioned uncomfortably, her neck craned to look away from him, her hand hanging in the air from when he kissed it.

It hit him that something must be seriously wrong at that moment. This was not a mere act of malice.

He went to her once more, attempting to move her head to look at him. He was met with some resistance, but eventually, his eyes met her own. But although she now faced him, it was like she was staring into the void, her face expressionless.

Loki moved her arms up and down, and they would stay in the exact position he posed them in, like a doll. That was all the confirmation he needed to take her to the hospital. Her behavior was too abnormal.

But first, he had to get her warm. She was cold to the touch, which meant she was most likely sitting there, soaked for hours.

He released a shaky, tortured breath. The reason she was like this...it was all his fault.

In the first attempt to try and move her, he looped his arm underneath her legs in order to transition to a princess carry.

Well, it was an attempt. Because moving her was actually much harder than he anticipated. Lita was a small woman, and especially light on her feet. He had absolutely no issues carrying her previously. But it was like all her muscles seized up in a painful way, adding drastically to her weight.

Still, he never gave up. Now that he knew about the stiffness, he tried once more to -

“D…”

He paused, head shooting up to look at her face. It was quiet, so quiet he almost missed it. Was she trying to say something?

Her face was still mostly expressionless, with the exception of her trembling lips. It looked as though it took exceptional effort just to say a letter, so he waited patiently with bated breath, moving closer so he could hear her whispers.

“D….on’t. F….uh...c, in…..”

There was a momentary silence before she started once again, “Tuh...ch...m..me…”

Don’t fucking touch me.

Lita spoke slowly, with plenty of pauses. But her words translated loud and clear, slapping him across the face.

He didn’t know what he expected her to say. His throat constricted painfully, her words hurting much more than he anticipated. But he understood that whatever hurt he felt in that moment didn’t even come close to what she was experiencing.

He swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears that were starting to form against his will, "I..I know. I'm sorry...please allow me to move you away from here, at least. The last thing I want is for you to get sick,"

Loki wanted to honor her wishes. He knew he’d lost any right to touch her, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave her there to get soaked by the rain any longer.

He resumed what he was doing, looping an arm underneath her legs, and held her against his chest.

Although Lita’s face was serene, he somehow sensed that she wanted to fight against his touch with everything she had.

Loki did not want to make her more unhappy than she already was, so he hurriedly went to place her on the bed. He covered her with the blankets, tucking her stiff feet underneath the covers, “...I will make some soup, to help warm you up. Uri’s sleeping, but he should be hungry right about now as well.”

He looked at her for a long time after he said those words, his expression sorrowful. If only he hadn’t fallen into temptation…then Lita wouldn’t be like this. He’d get to see the smile he loved so much, and hear her laugh…

Loki turned away sharply, marching from the room. He had to focus.

Although Lita loved to do the cooking, sometimes he would offer to make dinner on days she felt particularly stressed. She loved his chicken soup, so he set off in preparing it.

He worked diligently, so it was finished in about an hour. He went to check on Uri and saw that he was still asleep, then brought the soup over to Lita.

Loki’s heart drummed nervously, sitting on the bed next to her as he held the bowl of soup in his hands.

“I made your favorite soup. No carrots, just the way you would like it.”

She only stared straight ahead. It clicked for him that she couldn’t eat even if she wanted, and he doubted she’d be reticent to spoon-feeding.

He dejectedly placed the bowl on the side table next to the bed, then pulled out his phone “I’m going to call Thor, to help you into the car and watch Uri. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

The one-sided conversation was slowly starting to make him feel sick, so he left the room as he dialed Thor’s number.

“Loki!”

Thor burst through the door loudly, looking absolutely enraged, “Where’s Lita?!”

Thor cared for Lita as if she was his own sister, so to hear the nonsense that Loki spoke over the phone…the anger he felt for her was palpable.

Loki was waiting for him, his expression cold. “Hello, brother.” He was immediately lifted by the collar, Thor bringing his face dangerously close to his, “I have every mind to hit you where you stand, Loki. Just...how could you?”

Loki closed his eyes, his true sorrow masked with indifference. “Then do as you will, Thor. Though I doubt it would change a thing.”

Thor’s eyes nearly glowed red, but he lowered his fist, shrugging Loki away from him, “...Where is she? I’ll take her to the hospital. Watch over Uri instead.”

“No. I am her next of kin, her husband,” he adjusted his collar, looking off to the side as he spoke, “It would be more useful to the doctors if I was there, to answer questions.”

“You have no right to call yourself her husband.” Thor turned sharply, “Take me to her. I’ll help her into the car.”

Thor allowed the tears to flow from his eyes as he saw Lita’s state, moving onto the bed to pull her into an embrace. Her hands laid limp at her sides as he hugged her, “I’m so sorry, Lita. You do not deserve this.”

As Loki requested, Thor carried Lita to the car, placing her in the back seat. He put a blanket on her lap to help keep her warm, then buckled her in. “She’s ready now.”

“...Thank you, Thor.”

Thor only shook his head, his voice laced with disappointment, “Just make sure she’s okay, Loki. I’ll watch the little bean sprout.”

With that, he left Loki to take her to the hospital.

-------------------------

Catatonic Depression.

That was what the doctor said, yet he had problems comprehending it.

The doctor had asked him a plethora of questions about her general health, since Lita clearly was unable to answer. The questions then took a strange turn when the woman asked him if she suffered from depression in the past, and started to move Lita's limbs about experimentally.

“Her...sister recently passed, and she would have periods where she would just...stare blankly into space. But, things have never progressed like this before.”  Loki knew that wasn’t the only reason. But he didn’t want to surface his shame.

“And she was only like this when you came home, correct?” Loki simply nodded his head.

“She has most of the symptoms of catatonia, so we’ll have imaging studies done to ensure there isn’t a tumor, or another underlying condition.”

The doctor turned towards him then, “But based on what you said, it’s most probable that she’s suffering from catatonic depression. She’s had history, so this is a likely diagnosis.”

She placed Lita’s arms down back to the bed, writing down notes on her pad, “I will discuss treatment options after the results are in, so I suggest checking her in for a few days.”

Loki’s face paled. Whatever Lita had, it sounded serious, “Cat...Catatonic depression? Forgive me, but I’m clueless as to what that is,”

“It’s a subtype of depression, which means a person may appear speechless or motionless for periods at a time. Hmm...it’s still unclear what causes it, but factors include a history of depression, the passing of a loved one, or any event equally shocking in nature. This isn’t to be taken lightly, as it can hinder her daily life in the future.”

Loki’s entire body felt weak as he sat by her bed, his pallor now a sickly shade. The doctor noticed his distress, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I say this, but it’s very treatable with the correct approach. Lita has a high chance to recover.”

He was no longer listening, his body listless. How couldn’t he have noticed that things were this bad? He ignored all the signs of his wife’s growing sadness, to instead seek pleasures of the flesh. Loki recalled Thor’s words. He had no right to call himself her husband.

In the next few days, he watched over Lita from afar, not wanting to upset her too much with his presence. He wanted her to recover as quickly as possible, so he made his presence scarce. Most of his family visited, however, with Thor bringing Uri in to see his mother.

Slowly but surely, she started to recover. She was placed on medication that proved effective, and she was starting to speak and move again.

He watched from the door window as she slowly ruffled their son’s hair, hugging him to her chest as she spoke to Thor. For the first time in a while, she was smiling.

That smile may never reach his direction ever again...but it made his dark morning a tad brighter.

A/N: I may or may not do a part 3. I have trouble deciding. 

[faiasakura]

long live all the magic we made 

a kent pov jackparse endgame playlist that takes us through their friendship, breakup, and reconnection click here to listen on spotify!

Act 1 – The Golden Age (until it wasn’t)

1. A Place in this World – Kent entering the Quebec Junior Major Hockey League.

I'm alone, on my own And that's all I know, I'll be strong, I'll be wrong Oh, but life goes on Oh, I'm just a girl Trying to find a place in this world

2. Sparks Fly – the electric meeting between Jack Zimmermann and Kent Parson

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world But with you I know it’s no good 'Cause I see, sparks fly, whenever you smile

3. Fearless – the unstoppable Zimmermann-Parson duo

And I don't know how it gets better than this You take my hand and drag me headfirst Fearless

4. Dress – sneaking around in the Q

Our secret moments in a crowded room They've got no idea about me and you

All of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation My hands are shaking from holding back from you

Say my name and everything just stops I don't want you like a best friend

5. Cornelia Street – making memories that will come back to haunt

We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead Leading us home

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

6. Eyes Open – Juniors is still major league hockey

The tricky thing Is yesterday we were just children Playing soldiers just pretending Dreaming dreams with happy endings In backyards, winning battles with our wooden swords But now we've stepped into a cruel world Where everybody stands and keeps score

7. Mean – fuck you media pt.1, we keep dreaming

Someday I'll be living in a big old city And all you're ever gonna be is mean Someday I'll be big enough so you can't hit me And all you're ever gonna be is mean

8. State of Grace – they make magic on and off the ice

You're my Achilles heel This is the golden age of something good And right and real

9. Change – one set back isn’t a final loss

Because these things will change Can you feel it now? These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down It's a revolution, the time will come For us to finally win

10. Long Live – winning the Memorial Cup

Long live the walls we crashed through All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you I was screaming, "long live all the magic we made" And bring on all the pretenders I'm not afraid

11. I’m Only Me When I’m With You – codependence

I'm only up when you're not down Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground It's like no matter what I do Well, you drive me crazy half the time The other half I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you

12. Both of Us (B.o.B. feat Taylor Swift) – how do we help the ones we love?

I wish I was strong enough to lift not one but both of us Someday I will be strong enough to lift not one but both of us

13. Wonderland – the lead up to the overdose

We found wonderland You and I got lost in it And we pretended it could last forever, eh

14. Out Of The Woods – the overdose

Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet?

Act 2 – The Fragile Line Broken

15. The Lucky One – fame and fortune isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

And they tell you that you're lucky But you're so confused 'Cause you don't feel pretty You just feel used And all the young things line up to take your place

Another name goes up in lights You wonder if you'll make it out alive

16. Forever & Always – stage of grief: shock and denial  

Oh, I stare at the phone, he still hasn't called And then you feel so low you can't feel nothing at all And you flashback to when we said forever and always

17. Cruel Summer – stage of grief: pain and guilt

So cut the headlights Summer's a knife I'm always waiting for you Just to cut to the bone

18. Me! (feat Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco) – stage of grief: anger

I know that I'm a handful, baby, uh I know I never think before I jump And you're the kind of guy the ladies want (And there's a lot of cool chicks out there)

I know that I went psycho on the phone I never leave well enough alone And trouble's gonna follow where I go

19. All Too Well – stage of grief: depression

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well

20. Haunted – first confrontation at Samwell

Come on, come on don't leave me like this I thought I had you figured out Something's gone terribly wrong, you're all I wanted

Stood there and watched you walk away From everything we had But I still mean every word I said to you

21. Last Kiss – stage of grief: depression

So I'll go sit on the floor Wearing your clothes All that I know is that I don't know how to be something you miss

Never thought we'd have a last kiss Never imagined we'd end like this Your name, forever the name on my lips

22. Death By A Thousand Cuts – stage of grief: back to denial

I look through the windows of this love Even though we boarded them up Chandelier still flickering here 'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not It's death by a thousand cuts

23.The Story of Us – stepping into the Epikegster

I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us How we met and the sparks flew instantly People would say, "they're the lucky ones"

Now I'm standing alone In a crowded room And we're not speaking and I'm dying to know Is it killing you like it's killing me yeah

24. The Archer – fight at Epikegster

Combat, I'm ready for combat I say I don't want that, but what if I do? 'Cause cruelty wins in the movies I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you

25. The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody) – the unheard plea at Epikegster

This is the last time I'm asking you this Put my name at the top of your list This is the last time I'm asking you why You break my heart in the blink of an eye

26. Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) – newfound grief

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie, It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see 'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down, Now I don't know what to be without you around

27. Red – stage of grief: (attempts at an) upward turn

Remembering him comes in flashbacks And echoes Tell myself it's time now Gotta let go But moving on from him is impossible

28. Sad Beautiful Tragic – stage of grief: acceptance

We had a beautiful magic love there What a sad beautiful tragic love affair

Act 3 – This Love Came Back To Me – the canon divergent pimms endgame

29. New Romantics – LV Aces vs the world

'Cause, baby, I could build a castle Out of all the bricks they threw at me And every day is like a battle But every night with us is like a dream

30. Shake It Off – fuck the media pt 2, ignore them bitches

But I keep cruising, can't stop, won't stop grooving It's like I got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be alright

31. You Need To Calm Down – fuck the media pt 3, possible coming out

You just need to take several seats and then try to restore the peace And control your urges to scream about all the people you hate 'Cause shade never made anybody less gay

32. Holy Ground – parse in a better place

Tonight I'm gonna dance Like you were in this room But I don't wanna dance If I'm not dancing with you

33. Gorgeous –thirsty for Jack and his glow up

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine You've ruined my life, by not being mine

You're so gorgeous I can't say anything to your face 'Cause look at your face

34. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince – stuck in old patterns

And I don't want you to (go) I don't really wanna (fight) 'Cause nobody's gonna (win) I just thought you should know

And I'll never let you (go) 'Cause I know this is a (fight) That someday we're gonna (win)

35. Delicate – reconnection and insecurity

We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink

Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate

36. Wildest Dreams – hookup, not daring to hope for more

His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room And his voice is a familiar sound, nothing lasts forever Say you'll see me again even if it's just pretend

37. New Year’s Day – the fragility of beginning again

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you And I will hold on to you Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

38. End Game (feat. Ed Sheeran & Future) – what Kent has always wanted

I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A Team

39. This Love – together again

This love is good This love is bad This love is alive  back from the dead, oh These hands had to let it go free And this love came back to me,

40. Everything Has Changed (feat. Ed Sheeran) – approach a happy ending

All I know is, you held the door You'll be mine and I'll be yours All I know since yesterday, yeah Is everything has changed

41. Lover – the ever after

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close forever and ever? And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever) You're my, my, my, my lover I’ve spent almost a year working on this playlist and have so many thoughts still. Feel free to talk to me on tumblr, discord, or wherever else you can find me.

[the-sarcastic-trashmouth]

A dumb, stupid love letter

Summary: “Alright, which one of you assholes was it?” Stan’s sharp tone surprised the entire group. Each loser snapped their gaze up to Stanley in confusion as he thrusted the postcard onto the lunch table.

“What’s that?” Bev asked, leaning forward to inspect it before freezing at the declaration of love written in beautiful handwriting.

“A love letter. So who’s idea was it? Come on. I wanna know who to thank for the joke.” He snapped.

“Stan, we didn’t write that.” Eddie comments, looking up to him in worry. “Trust me.”

Stan’s calculating eyes locked onto Richie who froze when he realized that Stan thought it was him. His jaw dropped as he immediately shook his head in protest.

“Look dude, I may be an asshole a good majority of our lives, but even I would think that’s completely fucked.” He explains, holding his hands up in mocked surrender.

“So... So it wasn’t anyone here? There’s someone in this school that actually likes me?” He sounded doubtful of that fact.

“S-S-Sound like it.” Bill points out with a genuine grin of happiness. 

Pairing: Stanley Uris x Patricia Blum 

“Alright, which one of you assholes was it?” Stan’s sharp tone surprised the entire group. Each loser snapped their gaze up to Stanley in confusion as he thrusted the postcard onto the lunch table.

“What’s that?” Bev asked, leaning forward to inspect it before freezing at the declaration of love written in beautiful handwriting.

“A love letter. So who’s idea was it? Come on. I wanna know who to thank for the joke.” He snapped.

“Stan, we didn’t write that.” Eddie comments, looking up to him in worry. “Trust me.”

Stan’s calculating eyes locked onto Richie who froze when he realized that Stan thought it was him. His jaw dropped as he immediately shook his head in protest.

“Look dude, I may be an asshole a good majority of our lives, but even I would think that’s completely fucked.” He explains, holding his hands up in mocked surrender.

“So... So it wasn’t anyone here? There’s someone in this school that actually likes me?” He sounded doubtful of that fact.

“S-S-Sound like it.” Bill points out with a genuine grin of happiness.

Stan blinked in shock before suddenly his face heated up when he looked to the others. Their faces held matching grins of delight when Stan swallowed thickly. He looked to Ben who was looking over the writing with a gentle expression.

“Well, whoever it is... they are very literate. Which means they probably spend a lot of time at the library.” He points out as Stan finally sunk down into his seat between Bill and Mike.

“They must know what you’re into with the sentence about the birds,” Mike comments as Stan stared down at the table, still processing everything.

“Shit guys, I think he’s broken.” Richie snickers as he waved a hand too close to Stan’s face.

“Dude! That’s disgusting! Do you know how many germs are on your hand?” Eddie snapped, slapping Richie’s hand away from Stan.

“What... How do I figure it out? I—I need to know who it is.” He finally spoke after what felt like forever.

“Well, the handwriting is way too pretty to be a guy’s,” Mike comments with a shrug.

“It—It smells like gir—girly perfume,” Bill comments as the others nod.

“Ooh! I bet it’s Katy from Math class!” Eddie exclaims with a snap of his fingers.

“What?” Stan’s face twisted in worry. “But she... Oh, fuck... it can’t be her. She told me that birds are dumb.” He points out with a scowl on his face.

“Well, obviously they don’t want to be known.” Eddie offers. “Maybe they are too nervous and don’t want to be known.” He shrugs.

“You saying it was you, Eddie Spaghetti?” Richie grins deviously as Eddie choked on his water.

“What!! No! I’m not! That’s gross! Stan’s one of my best friends! Besides, it’s possible she just doesn’t want to be known! And don’t call me that you asshole.” He growled softly.

“Guys! Focus! This is about Stan! Flirt with each other later!” Bev huffs earning a glare from Eddie while Richie grins in delight.

“Maybe Eddie is right. What if this is still a joke? What if someone did this to get a rise out of me?” Stan asked worriedly.

“Hey, don’t think like that. You’re an amazing guy and anyone would be lucky to have you.” Mike assured quickly.

“Besides, she must be really shy if she can’t even talk to you.” Richie snorts earning a jab to the ribs by Eddie.

“Shut up Richie!” He huffs softly.

“This is dumb. I’m not going to keep this letter. It’ll give me more anxiety than I need.” Stan stood up, prepared to throw away the letter when Richie intercepted him.

“Okay! Jesus Christ dude, hold on! I mean this girl poured her heart out to you. If someone was making it a joke it wouldn’t be as detailed. Look, I know you are worried and you fucking twist things because you are you! However, even if you don’t want to know who it is... don’t throw that away. Because sometimes people don’t have the courage to write what they can’t say.” He sighed as they all watched him in silence.

“Why do you care so much?” Stan’s eyes narrowed as Richie groaned loudly.

“Because I fucking know who put it in your locker, but I’m not telling you because she begged me to put it in your locker. So fucking sit the hell back down and smile because someone finds your bird watching adorable!” He snapped as Stan swallows before glancing down to the letter.

“You’re gonna tell me right?” Bev broke the silence as Stan glared at her.

“For once, Bevvie... That’s between me and her. I promised her I wouldn’t, but trust me Stan the man... She’s a cutie and you two are weirdly perfect for each other.” He snorts softly.

“Thanks... I guess.” Stan frowns softly before rubbing at his neck as he pulled out his lunch to eat.

The rest of lunch was rather quiet, Stan glanced every so often at Richie who refused to meet his gaze. He was physically trying to force himself not to speak because he promised her he wouldn’t say anything. He cringed at the feeling of all their eyes watching him, waiting for him to spill out and finally admit defeat.

Richie was the first one out of the lunchroom the moment the bell rang to head to their next class. It made the young Jewish boy sigh in slight annoyance that Richie was actually keeping his mouth shut. Of course, he would, right?

Rolling his eyes, Stan got up and went to his next class with his mind racing on who could possibly want to be with him. It seemed almost odd to him that there was someone in the school that actually thought he was worthy enough to be liked. That being said, Stan didn’t want this stupid love letter to consume his life, because there were far too many girls in the school to find out who it is.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on, making Stanley want nothing more than to slam his head against the desk. Normally, he loved to listen to the teacher, but today his mind just wasn’t with it. He glanced around the room before his eyes stopped on one person in particular.

Patricia Blum.

She was a beautiful girl, to say the least. Her light green eyes glittered behind the round glasses that took up over half her features, but her tiny nose held the frames strong. Her long jet black hair was tied back, complimenting her freckled face oh-so beautifully. She always wore sweaters with a long shirt that somehow wouldn’t work for anyone but her.

What if it’s her? No way! She’s too perfect to look at you that way!

Patty moved into Derry over a year ago and she’s been hanging with other people and sometimes the losers. They’ve been paired up for projects multiple times so he knows that she’s really sweet to everyone. He just finds her presence to be calming in ways that only the Losers can bring out of him sometimes.

I mean she had other friends so she wasn’t always with the losers, but a lot of the times that she did come around… Stan found himself feeling happier. He loved talking with her because she always had something interesting to say, or just loved to listen to him ramble on about whatever was on his mind.

Patty glanced over to him before offering him a warm smile, causing Stan’s face to heat up when he realized she caught him staring. He swallowed before offering a tight-lipped smile back as he turned to the book their English teacher was explaining. His heart fluttered gently as his eyes cast down to his bag where the letter remained wedged between his social studies and math books.

“You okay?” A soft voice asked as Stan jerked before looking up to see Patty standing over him with her books in her arms. “The bell rang and you didn’t move. You look really lost in thought.” She was smiling at him.

“Uh… Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry. Thank you.” He murmurs, struggling to get his stuff together as he mentally cursed himself for daydreaming for so long.

“Stanley, um… I--” Her mouth shut with an audible click as she looked concerned. “I’m sorry… This… If it makes you uncomfortable… I’ll just…” She pointed towards the door before immediately exiting as Stan watched her go.

“Fuck…” He cursed softly before going out of the room and towards the exit of the school.

“Stanny! Wait up!” Richie called with Eddie and Bill trailing behind him. “You are speed walking, dude.” He huffs as he finally caught up to Stan as the four boys walked out of the school.

“This stupid letter has been a pain in my ass. I can’t stop thinking about it. I just…” He gritted his teeth when Eddie offers a sad smile.

“Can’t believe anyone would love you?” He finished as Stan’s shoulders slumped slowly.

“Yeah, sadly.” He scrubbed at his temples when Richie threw an arm around him.

“Well someone does! They see you and think you are something special! Don’t know why, but hey you’re not my type.” He laughs as Stanley rolled his eyes and pushed away from Richie, walking ahead of them.

“St-St-Stan… If you are rea--rea--really that bothered by the le-le-letter… Just get rid of it.” Bill offers when Stan looked at him, holding his books tightly to his chest.

“That’s the problem… I don’t want to. I… I want someone to like me. I’m fucking sixteen years old and I’ve never dated before. Like… I want someone to want me. I want to have someone to love me. I just… I didn’t think it was possible.” He comments before groaning. “This is seriously dumb! Why am I acting like some love-sick loon!” He demanded.

“Because Stan the man… Everyone wants that. They want that feeling that love gives them. I mean shit… Look at Ben and Bev? Bill and Mike?” He waggles his eyebrows at Bill who sputtered at him in shock.

“I guess you’re right… What about you? What about Eddie?” He asked, glancing back to the hypochondriac who offers a flushed face.

“Uh… Richie and I have been dating on the down-low for about a year now.” Eddie comments as Bill and Stanley blinked in shock.

“What the fuck! Why didn’t you tell me you asshole?” Stan demanded, looking from Eddie to Richie who held matching expressions of worry.

“Because… Well, we liked keeping it a secret? I don’t know. We just never really thought about it. I guess it never mattered if anyone was okay with us or not. Just as long as Eddie and I loved each other.” Richie nods before glancing at Eddie who shyly looks to the ground.

“You two are already disgustingly cute! Stop it!” Stan huffs, sounding more on the tones of a whine. “Oh… Oh, that makes sense now! Everyone in the Losers club had someone… I always felt left out when everyone paired up… I was the outcast in our own little band of outcasts… I guess that’s why I wanted someone to love the most.” Stan murmured.

“Whoa! We aren’t abandoning you, Stan!” Eddie assured quickly when Stan looked up with a hurt expression.

“How you all went to the movies together the other week, probably as a date for everyone and just forgot to tell me?” He asked as Eddie opened his mouth before shutting it. “Exactly. Look, let’s just drop it. I don’t think I’m gonna go to the clubhouse today. I’ll see you guys later.” He comments, walking off before anyone could follow after him.

Stan was walking when he heard the sounds of shoes tapping against cement, loudly. He jerked back expecting to see Henry and his goons, but instead, there was a flustered Patty who was panting loudly. She held up a hand as if telling him to stop, causing him to awkwardly stand there until she finally made it up to him.

“Richie--Richie told me you weren’t okay. I thought I’d come to check on you.” She said between bouts of heavy pants. “What happened?” She asked worriedly.

“Um… Nothing, nothing that you need to worry about.” He assured as she crossed her arms over her chest.

“I don’t believe that bullshit for even a moment.” She resorts with a slightly sharp tone. “Shit, I’m sorry. If you don’t feel comfortable telling me then you don’t have to.” She waves her hands around.

“It’s not… It’s not that. I… Actually, this is going to sound really dumb, but I got a love letter today. I’ve never gotten one before. It’s made me all weird. I just… I guess I never expected someone to want me as a partner. I just thought I’d adopt a bunch of birds and live my life like that.” He shrugs.

“Oh Stanley, anyone would be lucky to have you. I’m sure everyone is just intimidated by how smart you are. It’s not that you’re cold… It’s just you radiate that sort of energy?” She questioned.

“That might explain why she wasn’t brave enough to actually hand me the letter… Or even talk to me in the first place.” He sighed when Patty moved a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

“Maybe she’s just really awkward and didn’t want to be a complete idiot in front of you.” Patty murmurs softly as Stanley frowns.

“Well, she couldn’t be any more of an idiot than I would be if she actually confessed to me.” He laughs, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“Who do you want the letter to be from?” She asked quietly when he froze at her words.

“I… I don’t know. I never actually thought about that.” He swallowed thickly.

“Um… Stan, I… I have to tell you something.” Patty mumbles, looking down at her beat-up sneakers.

“What’s that?” He asked, unsure as to why his heart thundered so loudly in his chest.

“I… I was the one who told Richie to put the letter into your locker… I’m the one who wrote the letter and I’m the one who was too scared to say. If I had known it would have affected you this much I would have never tried. I’m so sorry, Stan. I promise I’ll leave you alone from now on.” She rambled quickly as Stan looked up to her in shock.

“Wait… What? You? The… The letter was from you?” He asked dumbly.

“Yeah, I… I’m sure you probably wanted someone else.” She comments softly when Stan’s jaw dropped open.

“Holy shit… I’m dreaming. I have to be dreaming. This can’t be real.” He whispered as her features twisted in confusion.

“What--I’m… Stan, this is real. I mean… If you don’t feel the same way just say that… Don’t make fun of me.” She looked hurt when Stan dropped his books without a second thought. He surged forward and cupped her face as her eyes widened before she looked at him in disbelief.

“No! No, I swear I’m not making fun of you! I just… I can’t believe it! Because I wanted the letter to be from you! It just doesn’t seem real. Like this shit doesn’t happen to someone like me. Maybe Bill or Ben… Or hell even Richie…” He explains when she watched him.

“You… So you like me too?” She asked quietly as he nods immediately.

“More than I ever thought I could like someone. You make me feel ways I’ve never felt before. It scares me, but… but you’re someone who always listens to me. You like to bird-watch with me when none of the others did. You are so amazing… and I can’t believe this is actually happening. I’d ask you to pinch me, but I really don’t want that.” He laughs breathlessly.

“Then maybe you should kiss me. Maybe that will make it real?” She offers as his face flushes before his eyes snapped down to her lips. “You don’t have to. That was really forward and--” She’s cut off when Stan smashed their lips together.

Patty moaned in surprise when she slowly kissed back as her hands grabbed at his forearms. She tilted her head gently and deepened the kiss, feeling like the entire world melted away except for them. She smiles as Stan gently pulls away before their eyes locked.

“Uh… How… How was that?” He asked when she giggles softly.

“Well… I don’t really have anything to base it off of considering that was my first kiss.” She whispered, causing him to freeze.

“You… Really?” He swallowed thickly before he started to laugh.

“Yeah, strict parents, but they like you a lot so Mom told me to go for it. She even helped me write the letter… Oh my god… That’s so lame to say! You didn’t hear that!” She whines, burying her face into his neck as Stan laughed harder.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me.” He grins which made her giggle. It sounded like music to his ears.

“So… If I were to ask you to maybe be my boyfriend…?” She trailed off when Stan rests their foreheads together.

“I would say yes.” He comments as her eyes glittered with happiness.

“Um… Do you wanna maybe bird-watch on Friday? Because I’m free Friday after school?” She offers.

“We can do something else.” He assures immediately. “You don’t have to bird-watch if you’d rather do anything else.” He explains.

“Stan, I don’t care if we just walked around this stupid town for five hours. As long as I’m with you… I don’t care what we do.” She smiles before pulling him back into a kiss.

“Get it Stan the Man!” Richie’s voice broke the bubble that had enveloped them as Stan snapped his gaze to the other losers.

“Dammit, Richie!” Bev snapped, jabbing him in the side while Richie outright cackled.

“Happy for you guys!” Eddie laughs before looking at Richie who crossed his arms.

“About fucking time is more like the phrasing I would use.” He shrugs.

“Shove it, Tozier!” Patty laughs.

“Blow me, Blum!” Richie smirks before looking to Stan. “At least now you know! And look, I didn’t say anything! That’s one for the books ladies and gentlemen!” He laughs when Eddie rolled his arms.

“If that isn’t true.” Eddie snorts softly. “We were gonna head to the Quarry. You guys coming?” He asked.

Stan looked to Patty who looked more than excited.

“Hell yeah! Let’s go!” She bent down and retrieved Stan’s books. “You think you can handle me in only my bra and underwear?” She asked as his face flushes before she rushed over and took Bev’s hand.

“Pat--Patty!” Stan exclaims, causing her to laugh as she and Bev rushed off towards the Quarry with Stan and the others hot on their tail.

Yeah, he was more than glad for that stupid, dumb love letter. So glad.

[thoughtfullyyoungduck]

Not complete until there’s three

A/N: for some reason I did something and now I had to re-upload this so yeah 

Summary: Mike’s call brings back some memories for Stan, more specifically memories about Stan and Richie. Stan is in for a rough awakening when he comes back to Derry and finds out Richie and Bill are married. 

The last thing Stanley Uris would ever want to do, is go back to Derry. He doesn’t want to, so he’s not going too. Those are the thoughts that are rumbling through his brain as his forces out a ‘I’ll be there’ to Mike before turning down the phone.

For a second he sits frozen, he’s absolutely terrified and he feels it throughout his entire body, like taking a cold shower. The voice of his wife is what snaps him out of it, a graceful, soft sound that he loved listening to up until 5 seconds ago, but now makes the bile rise up in his throat.

 He drives himself to turn to her with a smile on his face, he’s perfected the art of doing this, pretending that everything’s okay while an internal storm is going on.

 He stand quietly, but not before announcing that he is going to take a bath. He walks past his wife, to reach into the cabinet where they keep the towels, because he knows that’s what his wife expects him to do, and begins walking up the stairs. He’s going to take a bath, only he doesn’t. The only way to get to the bathroom is by going through the light green bedroom, which is always indescribably neat, and stops as his hand is already around the doorknob.

 He turns around and glances over to the closet. The one where he tried to bury a sad and uncomfortable feeling. He backtracks until he is standing in front of it, and He quietly reaches out. He knows exactly how far he’s allowed to pull the closet door, before it makes a creaking sound that is heard all the way down to the living room, which isn’t much, but he doesn’t need to look to find what he’s looking for. When he retreats his hand, he’s a holding a picture, one that he found a couple years ago, only back then the picture made him feel such an intense love and sadness all at once, that he placed it on the bottom of his closet, with his shoes to cover it up.

 He couldn’t remember who was in the picture, he could recognize himself, that much he knows. But there were two other boys with him, one with black unruly hair and glasses so big it was like they were magnitude glasses, and a boy with short brown-reddish hair who was wearing a flannel that seemed to big even for him. The guy with the glasses was spread out across Stan’s leg and the other boy, while Stan had a hand in his hair, and the other boy that was sitting up was looking at him fondly.

Stan had his head on the shoulder of the boy in flannels, who in turn had his arm wrapped around Stan. All 3 of them were shining brightly. Stan knew this picture was taking somewhere around his high school days, knew only because he knows for a fact that he threw away the t-shirt he was wearing, right when he left for college. He didn’t even remember why he threw it away, but it hurt to look so he didn’t keep it. Only now, with Mikes call, does he remember that the shirt was Bill’s and he had given it to Stan someday after lunch because he had a spare in his locker, and Richie had accidentally dunked his entire coke on Stan’s. No, Stanley Uris couldn’t remember for the life of him who these boys were, but right now, he breath hitched and while tracing the boy’s faces he let out their names as a sigh, ‘Bill, Richie’.

 He took a step out on his balcony, which was also connected to their bedroom, and took a few stuttering breaths. He didn’t want to go back to Derry, didn’t want to fight a goddamn child eating clown, but know that he remember his two high school lovers, he couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing them again. He wondered if they felt the same way when Mike had called, and if each of the losers had their own identity crisis at the moment.

Stan knew that he wasn’t straight, he had gone on dates with boys, but nobody even gave him a slightly good impression, so it always stayed with one date. He liked girls too though, and he had met Patty. And Stan was satisfied, had been living a content live with Patty, only know he knows how big his heart had once been filled with love for his boys, he knew he could never be content with Patty again. He couldn’t live his life like that anymore. Maybe that was the reason he decides to skip his bath time, something he hadn’t done in 20 years, packed his suitcase and left for Derry

It seemed that Stan really was the only with an identity crisis after getting called. At least the only one out of the three old lovers. Stan had been late, the last one to arrive from the losers, but coming in his vision latched on to Richie and bill’s hands straight away. They were holding hands. He tried to make it discreet yet he couldn’t help but look at their hands every few seconds, while saying hello to the other losers. He got to Bill and Richie last, and shared an awkward hug and a hello with both of them. He wondered if the remembered their relationship, and if that was the reasons they were standing so closely together, almost like they were one person.

Stan pointedly ignored the slice of jealousy that rips through him, trying to suppress the feeling as fast as he can. He feels embarrassed by it, two days ago he didn’t even remember them, and now all he wants is for to kiss them again, to feel his skin connect with theirs, even though he never had that urge with Patty, and to feel Richie grab his hands again like they always did when they were younger. To have bill kiss him on the cheek and then blush about it while giving Stan a cheeky but bright smile. He focuses back on the losers telling their story and zones back in when Eddie starts talking.

“And what about you guys?” He ask Bill and Richie

“Any special person in your life Richie?” Eddie smirks, the way he always did when he and Richie used to tease each other, the way he knows Eddie is taunting Richie and trying to start a play fight. Instead of this happening, and Richie taking the bait, Richie smiles a little shy.

He smiles in a way Stan has almost never seen Richie do, only when he was alone with Bill and himself, and the moment Richie looks up from the corner of his eyes to Bill, Stan knows what’s coming. The look is barely noticeable for anyone, but Stan has always been observant. He sees Bill give a quick nod of his head, and then turns away himself, he feels his heart break before he even hears the words.

If only he had been observant enough to see Bill and Richie looking over his way, with longing in their eyes.

“Actually”, Richie starts, “me and big Bill have been married for 5 years’.

The way he says it, so casually and full of love, causes Stan to grip his thighs so tightly it hurts, a habit he’s had since he was little. He wants to run out of the room, to cry, to scream or to break something, it doesn’t even matter, he just wants to get away from them. From the feeling of being split apart. Stan hates this, he hates feeling like his not in control of his own emotions. It was one of the many things he has always prided himself in, and the only thing Richie and Bill ever tried to ‘change’ in him. They had said they just wanted him to enjoy every little thing of a moment, without having to worry about how he might look, or which emotion would shine through.

 In a way, he’s happy for them. At least they found each other, where happy with one another, and Stan feels like he should be ecstatic for them, only he isn’t. Not in the way he should be at least. Still though, he focuses all of his attention on keeping his face in a straight line, making sure that none of the tell-tales he displays when he is jealous are showing.

‘We met about 7 years ago, well I guess that isn’t really accurate, we saw each other again 7 years ago, during a comedy evening Richie was in.’ Bill starts his explanation, looking at Richie with adoration in his eyes. Their hands were now linked on the table, and Stan wonders if their hand still feel the same.

‘I saw this awesome stud in the crowed and thought; hey, this guy I want to fuck.’

Bill hits Richie shoulder, without much menace behind it, the embarrassed smile on his face taking away any last doubt that he had meant the hit to be hurtful.

Eddie groans while the rest of the losers laugh, and Stan realizes he should be doing something else that just sitting with a straight face.

He forces an easy smile on his face, as he turns to look at Bill and Richie. Both of them were already looking at him. There’s something in their eyes, an emotion, but Stan doesn’t remember them well enough, hasn’t know them long enough, to decipher it.

He sees Bev look at him though, and the look in her eyes he recognizes, it’s not pity, but it’s something close too. Back when they were still kids, Bev was his go to person for relationship advice. He didn’t like to open up about his feeling to anyone, but Bev always made him feel like everything he felt was valid and she made him feel loved too.

He smiles wider back at her, and this time it’s genuine. He really loved Bev too, just like every other loser here.

“So Stan, how have you been doing?” Bill asks while taking a huge gulp of his beer that’s on the table. His voice has a hard edge, but Stan chooses to ignore it.

He thinks back to him putting his suitcase is his trunk, while Patty ran after him in haste. He thinks of her crying and grabbing his face, trying to get her to kiss him, but him turning his face away. He had wanted to be honest about everything to her, he really did love Patty, just not as much as he has ever loved Richie and Bill, but he was sure she wouldn’t, couldn’t understand him, so he had lied. He told her that he had fallen in love with someone else, that nothing happened, he hadn’t cheated on her, but he couldn’t keep up the facade and the lies anymore either.

She had begged some more, tried telling him that it was just a rough patch they were going through, and that they could get couples counselling, but Stan told her that he loved her too much to do that to her. Then he had start the car and left their life behind.

He had put his wedding ring in his pocket, and had laughed. In 27 years, Stanley Uris had never done anything he hadn’t extensively thought through, but now he just had.  

He thinks back to those moments, and the ring in his pocket that seemed to be dragging him down now, and wonders what his answer should be.

 He makes eye contact with Beverly, and it seems that in the 20 years they forgot about each other, Beverly can still read him like an open book.

She opens her mouth to say something, but before she can, Stan opens his.

‘I’ve been married for 10 years’. He doesn’t know why he said it. Especially since his marriage was over, by his own choice. Maybe he said it because Stan and Bill are still holding each other’s hands. Maybe it’s because he desperately doesn’t want t come across as desperate, how ironic that may sound. He doesn’t want them to think he wants to get in the way of their relationship. Bill and Richie are married now for god sake, and that changes everything. Stan is no longer a part of their relationship, and he want to make it clear to Bill and Richie that he know that.

‘Her names Patty, she’s Jewish as well, and she’s a kindergarten teacher’. Stan continuous. His eyes are drawn by the hand of Bill and Richie tightening together, but he won’t let it deter him.

‘Cool’, Richie says, but his voice sounds strained, like he’s pushing the words out of his throat instead of just talking.

Eddie sees his former best friend struggling and jumps in for him.

‘That’s really nice Stan, I’m glad your happy.’ He gives Stan a small nod, because even with as little as he remembers, he know his best friend, and their leader were head over heals for Stan, and just by seeing the way they’re looking at him, he knows that hasn’t changed.

Stan bitterly takes a bite from his spring roll, he hates how greasy it is, but he doesn’t want to talk anymore. He isn’t happy anymore now that he know of Bill and Richie.

He suddenly feels extremely tired, he want to go home, or his hotel room, at this point he doesn’t even care anymore. His life just turned completely upside down, and he’s just now realizing it. Why did he come here again?

He fork pauses on the way to his mouth, he suddenly remembers the painted lady, closing in on him, eerily getting closer and closing her gaping mount around his face.

‘Stan’, a panicked voice calls out again.

Stan startles into awareness, realizing that everyone was looking at him. His hand is shaking badly. His spring roll already dropped back on the plate. Bill, who sits closest to him reaches out to him, presumably to grab his hand and hold in his, but Stan quickly drops his hand down and Bill’s falters before returning to his side too. He looks sad.

‘Why did you bring us back here Mike’? He asks. Even he hears his voice is monotone, and to people who don’t know him it may sound like he doesn’t care. The reality is that he cares so much, feels so much fear, that he shuts every feeling, and everyone out.

Everyone’s gazes drift over to Mike’s who looks guilty. ‘We didn’t stop it, 27 years ago. The killings are happening again, and we made a vow’. While Mike is talking, a waitress puts fortune cookies on the table waling away with a smile on her face, if only she knew what they ware talking about.

‘Pennywise’, Beverly breaths out, panic lacing in her voice as she frantically looks around her.

Stan sees Eddie reach for his inhaler, trying to breath more easily. Stan idly wonders if he should too, considering it doesn’t feel like he’s getting any air.

Before Bill gets a chance to open his mount, on of the fortune cookies springs alive. A shrieking sound emits from it as it breaks open and a small, dying bird pops out of it. Instantly Stan spring back running toward the back of the room, trying to get as far away from whatever it is.

He sees the others do the same, Bill running in the same direction as Stan did.

‘Hey you guys, this fortune cookie is looking at me’. Richie’s voice sounds as panicked as Stan feels.

Another fortune cookies falls of the platter, and ends up right in front of Stan and Bill. Stan wants to reach for Bill’s hand, he’s so terrified that for a moment it wouldn’t even matter if Richie saw, he just needs Bill or Richie to help him. Before he can though the fortune cookie breaks open, revealing a tooth. Stan knows that sort of tooth. He stared right down at it when She was biting his face off. When he was looking in the deadlights.

He tumbles down to ground gasping. He can’t do this, he should have never come back to this town. He shrieks, just like did all those years ago, and stars to crawl backwards as much as he can no other sane thought in his head but; get away, get away.  

‘Stan, stan look at me’, he hears a shrill voice, laced with overflowing worry and terrifying fear. Hands force his face to make eye contact with someone. It’s bill, and he’s trying to block out Stan sight of the cookie, of everyone losing their minds and mike attacking the table with a chair.

‘Look at me Stan, breath, it’s not real okay, it’s not real’. Bill swipes his thumb over cheekbones, and for a second Stan can pretend that he could reach up and kiss Bill if he wanted to, that he could call out and Richie would come sprinting to see if everything was alright.

The noise dies down and Stan can’t see anything move anymore, so he assumes Pennywise decided to let them suffer for a few more days before killing them.

He faintly hears the waitress and Richie’s warm voice before Richie too is sitting next to Bill, and is grabbing his hand. Bill still hasn’t stopped the soothing movements.

‘You alright there Stan the man, you look kinda pale’. Richie jokingly says, but even Stan can hear the tremble in his voice.

It’s the nickname that makes Stan snap though. He pulls his head away from Bill’s hands and pushes Richie easy from him a little before standing up and brushing of his pants.

He glares, and stumbles for a moment, the anger shooting through his body like it’s unwoven with his blood.

Stan the man was the nickname Richie had always called him, but once Bill, Richie and Stan started dating, Richie, when using the nickname, always said Stan our man. Only now Stan isn’t a part of this relationship anymore.  

He can’t for the life of him figure out why he came back here. Was it so he could hurriedly see Bill and Richie? And then what? Get his heart broken? Maybe it was because he wanted to die? God dammit why couldn’t he just not have remembered. He would have stayed with Patty, and he would’ve been okay with that. Instead he might die here, he’s getting a divorce, and the boys he loved have moved on, together.

 He glanced at Bill and Richie, both of them looking shocked at Stan’s outbursts, as if they were expecting him to stay in his panic much longer.

He looked towards his other friends too. Ben, Eddie, Mike and Bev. He loved them so much too, he wanted to protect them, to make sure they were happy but god dammit he couldn’t do this. He wasn’t strong enough too.

‘Fuck this’, he spewed out before grabbing his coat and walking to the exit.

‘Stan wait, where are you going?’

He could hear the losers following him, trying to figure out his plan, but he didn’t care, it wasn’t too late to live his content live, so that what he was going to do.

‘Stan please, just tell us what you’re gonna do?’, Beverly’s voice cries out.

Stan turned in a flash nearly shouting now, he had never felt such an intense rage before.

‘Home, that’s where, I’m going home. I’ll going to go see my wife, do lay job and I’m going to live, I’m sorry if you want help trying to kill it but Clearly that’s not working out for us now is it.’

‘Stan please, just please we need to defeat IT, think of our promise’. Mike is begging, and Stan thinks he might be minutes away from actually getting down on his knees. Still Stan doesn’t relent.

‘I’m sorry Mike, but I’m not strong like you guys, I have to get out of here’. Stan turn around again to get to his car.

‘Stan’s right, I’m leaving too’. He hears Richie say, but it doesn’t make him turn around.

‘Me too’, Eddie replies.

‘Wait’. Another voice cries out. It’s Bill. Stan feels his hands falter, not looking back at Bill, but also not getting in his car.

‘Can we please just sleep on it for one night? If you guys still want to leave in the morning then we can go. Just we’re all tired and we need to get some rest. Then we can all decide how we’re approaching this.’

Stan wants to leave so bad, but then he mulls Bill’s words over in his head. It’s not even because he’s in love with Bill that makes him want to listen, it’s just that Bill is their leader, and Stan has always looked up to him in that way.

‘Stan’, Bill’s voice sounds soft, asking a question without really asking it. ‘Please’.

Stan sighs, but he still doesn’t turn around.

‘Fine you lead the way to the hotel, I’ll follow one of you’.

First thing in the morning, he’s out of this god forsaken town.

 He leaves in the morning, before any of the others are up yet. He knows he promised Bill that they would talk about this, but there’s nothing that’s keeping him here.

He barely slept, he kept overthinking every little thing that happened. When they got to the hotel he went straight to his room, and locked the door before any of the losers could say something else.

To make things worse, his room was just across Richie and bill’s, to prolong his suffering. He could hear someone stand in front of his door in the middle of the night, but he kept himself as quit as possible, and after about 5 minutes of the person hovering, they left.

When they were kids, whenever one of the them was scared, the losers would all sleep in the same room. They would watch a comedy and eat junk food, and Stan was sure that that’s what they were doing now, but he didn’t have it in himself to go and check.

At around 5:30 Stan walks out of the hotel entrance, with a leather bag in his hands, and heads for his car. He takes a look around the parking lot, because he can still feel the terrifying, numbing fear of seeing pennywise the day before, but he doesn’t see anything. He quickly gets in the car, and drives away before he can change his mind.

This is fine, he thinks too himself as he drives away. It’s fine, He’s going to go home to Patty, fix things, clean his house and keep up his routine. It’s fine because he has done his all throughout his adult life, it’s what’s expected from him. He’s going back to Atlanta, and he’s going to live the rest of his life in peace. It’s fine, but it really isn’t.

He wishes that even when he was a kid, he had never started dating Bill and Richie. If he never dated them, then maybe his feelings for them wouldn’t have burned so bright, every other love he has ever felt seems like coal in comparisons. He’s violently drawn out of his thoughts by an upcoming danger on the road. Before Stan has a chance to see what it is, he’s brain realizes he should swerve, so he does. He forcefully turns his steering wheel, and because of it, his car starts slipping. His foot crashing on the brake pedal, even though Stan logically knows that not what he should do.

His car comes to a stop, but not before flying of the road and into a three on the side, right before the sign that says Welcome to Derry.

Stan’s head hit the control panel harshly, and Stan gives himself two minutes to catch his breath while a small streams of blood drips over his forehead, before realizing he almost hit something, or someone. As soon as the thought formulates he jumps out of the car and runs back to the road, desperate to see if he managed to avoid the person or thing. When he gets to the road he sees a body laying there, and the figure, is not moving.

Stan’s breath hitch and he nearly passes out for a second, but then he sprints forward and drops to his knees. For once, he’s not worried about the dirt on his knees. He reaches out to person, and promptly feels his heart fall to his stomach. It’s Bill.

‘Bill, what wait, Bill what the hell were you doing here’. His voice sounds frantic, and he’s pulling Bill up by his shoulders, placing him in his lap and starts shaking him.

‘Bill please, wake up, come on open your eyes for me. Somebody help me.’ He screams out, but there’s nobody on the road, and the adults in Derry have been known to avoid people when the most need it.

‘Stan.’ A confused voice calls out to him. Stan turns around and meets the eyes of Richie. He looks mostly confused as to why Stan’s screaming, until his sees the body that Stan is now cradling in his arms.

His eyes grow wide, and the next time he speaks, his voice sounds distraught.

‘Bill, oh my god Bill.’ He lunches forward and takes Bill body unto his own arms, roughly pushing Stan away.

‘Bill come on baby don’t leave me. I love you.’ Stan only then realizes that Bill has yet to take any breath, nor does move even the slightest.

‘Richie, I’m…’ Stan’s voice cracks, and he isn’t sure how he’s supposed to continue.

The tears start streaming down his face, and sobs are threatening to escape. He couldn’t have killed Bill, he  loved him, God he LOVED Bill, just like he loved Richie.

Suddenly Richie’s head shoots up, his glare set on Stan.

‘You did this, you killed him.’

Stan doesn’t know how to respond. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t see him coming.’ Stan is trying desperately to explain, but it does little to soften Richie’s glare.

‘Why did you kill me, Stan.’ Startled Stan looks down at Bill, and sees that Bill’s eyes are now opened, and Bill was the one that had spoken.

He feels hysteria building up in his chest. ‘Bill, I, what?”

‘Yeah, Stan why? Was it because we decided to go on without you? Because we realized you were too weak for us?’ Richie spits out. He’s no longer crying or looking distressed, instead he has a mean smirk on his face.

‘you should’ve just killed yourself Stan, like you were planning on doing in the first place’.

Stan jumps back, he had no idea what’s going on, but he knows that neither Bill nor Richie would ever say that to him. Both of them were too kind to do any of that stuff. Which means that this could only mean one thing.

Stan scrambles back up and steps back, continuing to look at fake Bill and Richie. He takes several steps back, but they don’t do anything except for smirking at him.

‘Come on, Stanley’, Pennywise’s contorted voice comes out, the bodies of Richie and Bill forming into one figure. ‘You know it to be true, Bill nor Richie love you anymore, and since you left so soon, why couldn’t you have just killed yourself?’

Stan shakes his head, yet he knows it’s useless, he already thinks to things, otherwise Pennywise wouldn’t have brought them up. In the blink of an eye the clown is suddenly right in front of him, and Stan lets out a yelp before jumping backwards, but pennywise clearly anticipated this, as he just grabs Stan by the neck and lifts him up. IT grins, more terrifying that Stan remembers from his childhood, before opening his mouth, and Stan knows exactly what’s coming. He struggles as hard as he can, but even he knows it’s in vain. In no time, Stan is looking down the throat of Pennywise, staring straight into the deadlights.

A voice in the back of his mind that sounds vaguely like Bill and Richie combined yelling to fight back, to stand up for himself, only Stan is already to tired, so he just let’s himself float. He floats, right back towards the nightmare he just lived through, over and over again.

 ‘Come on, Stanley’, Pennywise’s contorted voice comes out, the bodies of Richie and Bill forming into one figure. ‘You know it to be true, Bill nor Richie love you anymore, and since you left so soon, why couldn’t you have just killed yourself?’

The same goddamn words come out of pennywise mouth again. Stan isn’t sure how much longer he can do this, stuck in this constant loop of terror. He thought that he would finally die from heartbreak at some point, but he didn’t. He always saw the same thing, the only difference was that sometimes he hit Bill, and other times he hit Richie.

He wasn’t sure how long he was stuck in this bizarre place, but he does know that after an immense long time, he’s starting to get feeling back in his legs. It’s weird but the entire time he was on the deadlights, he felt like he was soaked in ice cold water, but now it feels like his legs are submerged in an amazing, hot temperature water. The feeling spreads through his chest, up his neck and ends up warming his face.

‘Stan, Stanley come on. Fight it, Stan. You got to fight him.’ He hears someone call out to him, but he can’t place the voice. He interprets the words though, and even though he is really confused and doesn’t really know what’s happening, he does what the voice tells him.

‘that’s it Stan, you can do this. You’re stronger than you think.’ It’s another voice, one Stan can’t place directly either, but he basks in the warmth of the voice, and the safety he feels that comes with it.

He hears more voices calling out to him, calling out his name. He tries so hard, and he thinks about giving up until he in a split second, it feels like the weight that was pushing him down had been lifted. finally Stan is able to open his eyes, and take in his surroundings.

He is laying with his head on someone’s lap, and when he looks up, he sees Richie’s terrified eyes looking down on him. Instantly, he recalls those eyes staring back with fury, because he killed Bill. Stan jumps up, frantic to get away from those eyes. He crawls back until his back hit’s another person’s body and sags down unto it, once the familiar smell of anti-septic whips hit his nostrils, undeniably save and Eddie. Eddie wraps his arm around Stan, and Stan would bet money on it that Eddie is recalling the first time this happened, back when Stan had been alone too.

‘I’m sorry.’ Stan sobs out. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hurt Bill I swear. I love him and I love you and I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry’. He’s looking at Richie the entire time, straight in his eyes, and he can see the shift from terrified, to confused, to empathetic.

‘Stan.’ Another person’s voice calls out. Stan nearly causes whiplash because he turns his head so fast. Bill is hovering around him, turning his palms up towards him, in a gesture that says I’m unarmed. ‘Stan it’s a-a-alright. Whatever the clown showed you it wasn’t real.’

Bill says it was so much confidence, and Stan feeds off it. He needs reassurance right now, he needs to believe everything is gonna be alright. Richie had a timid smile on his face, and his eyes, just like Bill’s, scream love for him.

‘It is though.’ Stan replies voice so utterly small and destroyed. Eddie starts to shake his head, Stan can feel it, but Stan rips away from Eddie before he can say anything. He needs to say this to Richie and Bill before he never get’s a chance too.

‘You’re together and that’s great, I’m happy for you. But I can’t breath when I see you, because ever since Mike called all I can think about kissing the both of you, and touching you any ways I can. And I know I can’t have that which is why it breaks my heart every time I see you guys together.’ Stan is sputtering around his words, but he doesn’t stop the take a break, he needs to say this, he needs to get it off his chest.

‘That isn’t fair Stan, you’re married’. Richie responds. He and Bill have gotten closer, while Eddie ran to help their other friends, who had called out for a them a few other times. It seemed like the three of them were in a small bubble, unaware of what was happening outside of it.

Bill opens his mouth to interject, but Stan beats him too it. ‘I left her.’

Bill’s mouth shut with an audible click. Both him and Richie looking bewildered. ‘I remembered you guys as soon as I got Mike’s call, and I couldn’t lie to her about my feelings. Once I remembered you, I knew I could never love a person again as much as I loved you guys. We’re not officially divorced yet, I didn’t have time for that but, I will soon.���

‘Stan’, Bill says hopeful, and it makes Stan look up to him. ‘Me and Rich, we, god we were going to get a divorce too.’ Stan blinks once, twice before looking up at Richie who picks up where Bill left off.

‘We were happy, but it was always like it wasn’t enough you know? Like we couldn’t fill a void that was there no matter how hard we tried. We figured that it was because we didn’t love each other enough. We realized, after Mike called, that it was you that we were missing. That it was because you weren’t there, that we didn’t feel whole either.’

Stan feels something blossom in his chest, a feeling of hope. ‘You guys aren’t just saying this right? Because you need to be honest with me if you guys were fine on your own, so I can.’

Before Stan can say something Bill reaches forward, and kisses Stan on the lips. Stan freezes for a second, before shooting in action and clinging to Bill’s shirt while kissing back feverishly. He wonders again how he could ever have thought he was content with Patty, when he missed this every day. He breaks away with Bill to catch his breath, but then he sees Richie staring at them with a blush on his cheeks, and he can’t help himself. This time it’s him that reaches forward and just like that, he’s kissing Richie too.

It’s been a while so the kiss itself is awkward. Richie’s glasses are digging in his face, and he grabs Richie’s hair a little too tight, but the emotions is still wonderful. Both kisses where full of love.

When they pull away Richie kisses Bill on the lips too, and Stan can’t help but feel his heart overflow with love for both his boys.

‘We wanted to talk to you too, straight away after we remembered. Only, we didn’t think it the right time was in front of the entire group, and then you told us about your wife.’ Richie’s face screwed up as he said the word wife, ‘so we thought you didn’t want to be with us anymore, fuck we’r a bung of idiots right?’

‘Hey, this is nice and all, but can you please come and help us?’ Eddie’s yells breaks down their bubble, and after looking at each other one more time, the three boys stand up and join their friends into defeating this monster that has haunt them for their entire life.

When Stan’s hand reaches out to crush the clowns heart, along side his friends, he knows that he in that moment, he’s just as strong as all of them.

 ‘Richie for god sake, will you stop that please.’ From the corner of his eyes, Stan can see Bill struggling to hold in his laugh. Stan, though he would never admit it, tries his very hardest not to laugh either.

Richie was chasing Eddie holding a cup of water that was supposed to be used to water the plants, but instead is now used as an annoy Eddie device.

‘I’m not giving up Kaspbrak.’ Richie yells while speeding up a notch, while Eddie starts laughing even harder. It wasn’t hard to see why they were so close.

Stan shook his head and joined Bev, Mike and Ben around the table, and he could see Bill moving over as well. In the middle of the table in front of them stood a giant cake. The letters read; congratulation on getting a divorce. It had been Ben’s job to order the cake, and Stan could only imagine the embarrassment he must have felt when asking for it. Stan softly shook his head, he still thought this was an insane idea. Bill and Richie had decided to get a divorce, because this relationship was no longer one of just two people, and three people couldn’t legally get married. Stan hadn’t wanted them to do it, he said he was fine with just not being their husband on paper, it didn’t have to mean anything.

Richie and Bill insisted though, Stan was just as much a part of this relationship as they were. Richie dropped down on the chair next to him, still giggling slightly to himself, and grabbed Stan’s hand. A scowl appeared on his face when Richie did so, because Richie’s palm was wet and it felt absolutely disgusting. Still, when Stan tried to pull his hand away, Richie just held tighter. Bill was smiling at the both of them, so Stan put his hand on Bill’s thigh, watching his cheek darken as he did so. After defeating pennywise just 4 months ago, Bill, Richie and Stan had decided to move in with each other straight away. For obvious spacing reasons, they decided to go live in the house Bill and Richie had already occupied before remembering, but they did change the whole interior and let Stan decide what color everything should be. Neither Bill nor Richie really cared.

As Stan looked around his perfect house, with his perfect boyfriends, and the perfect friends, he could not be more glad that he had returned to Derry.