#why is a tough lesbian more accepted by boys than girls? why can some girls 'beat' sexism and be treated as better than other boys?

[fantastic-mr-corvid]

it may be the autistic tranny fag in me. but gender roles and the whole system of gender oppression is genuinely fascinating to me, partially because it is so complex. ive had some [in hindsight] fascinating looks into 'both sides' and how the rules and reinforcements work and differ, as well as what happens when the systems collide and people get caught in the middle.

[slveepyscwrs]

Question, can I request a Kuroo x Y/N hurt/comfort where Y/N tries coming out to their parents as bi/pan and their parents yell at them so Y/N goes to Kuroo for comfort?? Thanks =)

OMG I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING THIS LONG, I don't even know if you'd still want to read this. :((

Life has been a little bitch, but let me tell you, I LOVED your request, it hit really close to home for me, so that's also why I spent so much time on it... I really wanted to make it something special for you :)

Some quick notes:

-Multispec is used as a catch-all for all identities that involve attraction to multiple genders, rather than just bi or pan, to be more inclusive.

-They/Them is used as a catch-all to include Y/Ns of all genders. However, I did make them a member of the volleyball team... By the time I remembered it was a boys' only team, it was too late, so yeah let's just pretend that this is a more gender diverse world–

-I don't think much is said about Kuroo's mom in canon, so my interpretation of what she would be like in this situation is entirely based on head canons.

With that out of the way, without further ado–

Never Stop Loving

TWs: LGBTQIA-phobia, child abandonment, physical abuse, HEAVY religious bigotry

Growing up, crushes seemed so simple to everyone. A boy and a girl would start spending a lot of time with each other at school, and then everyone would tease them, never ceasing to ship them together relentlessly. Sometimes, in a few lucky cases, either one of them would say ‘I like you too!’ And thus, a silly puppy love relationship began.

Being a boy and liking girls, or being a girl and liking boys, was the standard childhood experience for everyone around you… except for you yourself.

For one thing, you resented stereotypical gender roles from a very young age. The idea that girls must be giggling and gossipy, and that boys should be all rough and tough, was abhorrent to you. Deep down, you always knew that there was much more to gender than that, and that there were probably more than two genders in the first place.

That conviction didn’t help you much in terms of fitting in. However, gender itself wasn’t the only idea you struggled to grasp, it was which gender you meant to be attracted to.

As you grew a bit older, teachers began mentioning that there were boys who liked boys and girls who liked girls too. Yet still, even that didn’t seem to answer the burning feelings you had always held inside.

That butterfly feeling that was characteristic of crushes wasn’t exclusive to any one gender for you– although short-lived, you had periods of romantic fantasies for all kinds of people.

Despite the fact that everyone around you was choosing one gender with ease, you eventually came to accept that this was how you felt. Even though people called you weird and outcasted you whenever you even mentioned the possibility of a person being able to be attracted to more than one gender, there was no ‘getting rid’ of these feelings, so you shrugged and figured that you may as well accept it.

It wouldn’t be until your teenage years rolled around and you began browsing through internet forums that you found that there was a name for these feelings– the multisexual spectrum.

Whichever one of the many identities on this spectrum you came to identify with, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It felt so freeing just to know that there were so many others who had the same attractions as you, and that you weren’t crazy after all.

However, with that freedom also came a realisation that crushed and shattered your whole entire world to pieces.

Tragically, your parents didn’t seem to feel the same way when it came to people who didn’t fall into heteronormative expectations of what they thought love should be.

Forget those on the multisexual spectrum, they despised even just gay and lesbian people.

It began with a quick changing of the channel whenever some news about LGBTQIA+ people came on. You shrugged it off at first, but they slowly began revealing their true colours.

“How can someone be so sinful? They will surely burn in hell.”

“They’re violating God’s natural order!”

“They’re so evil, they’re fucking brainwashing the kids now too!”

“I wish the government would have never legalised gay marriage…”

“One man. One woman. That is the only acceptable version of love.”

Whenever these words from both your mum and your dad rang in your head, you felt sick to your stomach. They had no clue that you liked multiple genders, and judging from their reactions to gay people, they would probably react even harsher when they discovered that people on the multisexual spectrum exist too.

And you were one of those people.

Being aware of what could potentially happen in the event that they found out, you kept your identity on the extreme down low. You didn’t even tell anyone on the volleyball team at your new highschool, Nekoma High.

You had developed a passion for volleyball over the past few years. It was the best distraction that you found for everything going on at home. In fact, you often tried to stay back for as long as possible even beyond Nekoma’s regular afterschool routines, just so you would have to spend time with the two who you weren’t even all that sure you could truly love anymore.

As for your teammates, they were the first real friends you had in a long time. Of course, Nekoma was notorious for their rather… chaotic antics. Kuroo, the captain of your team, was arguably one of the most chaotic of them all, what with his snarky remarks and overly laid back attitudes.

Still, behind it all, anyone on the Nekoma team could always count on each other. You had never felt a stronger “mess with one of us, mess with all of us” mentality anywhere else.

And yet, you didn’t hint at your identity to any of them either. The reality remained that you couldn’t predict what they would feel about one of their teammates having a multispec identity, and besides… you didn’t want to burden them or disturb their happiness in any way.

You resolved to keep everything going on in your head to yourself, for the sake of everyone you cared about.

One day, though, you had let your guard down.

During practice at the volleyball club, everyone was taking a break. Your teammates had boundless energy, but even they got tuckered out at times, and the same went for you just as much.

You sat in a corner as your mind began to wander off to your hidden identity crisis, as it often did.

“Will I have to keep this a secret forever…?”

Despite your best efforts, the burden of keeping a secret weighed down on your heart more and more. Just before your thoughts began to spiral out of control, an idea popped in your head.

You took out your laptop, and frantically began to type all those thoughts you had been keeping to yourself. You wrote about your identity, and your reluctance to tell your parents.

As you typed, it became apparent that, however scary the idea was, your parents would have to know sooner or later. If you ever started dating at one point, especially if that partner was the same gender as you…

Your thoughts were snapped back to the present moment by a sudden wave of thirst. It hit you just how hard you worked on perfecting your volleyball techniques, to the point that you had neglected hydration.

The sense of urgency became so great that you bolted off to find your water bottle.

However, your laptop had been left open.

Kuroo was the first to notice this. You didn’t know why, but Kuroo was always the first to notice even the little things about you.

“Where are they? They left their laptop open, some dumbass is going to fumble with the ball and smash the screen to tiny little pieces!”

His rambling to himself stopped when he noticed the notebook window left open on your screen. Something told him he shouldn’t be reading it, but his heart told him that this was much more important than that.

“Let’s see here…” He mumbled under his breath, reading everything to himself in the lowest voice he could. Soon, he trailed off, purely in shock from all that had just been revealed to him.

Of course, he was taken aback by the fact that you liked multiple genders– partially because he did too, and just like you, he wasn’t expecting to find anyone like him.

However, more than that, he felt ashamed. He was the captain, for god’s sakes. He was supposed to know his team like the back of his hand, and yet he couldn’t pick up on all these struggles.

“God, can’t I just call off the practice for today? I really just want to give them a hug right now…”

That was his first instinct, but he knew that would arouse too much suspicion, and the last thing he wanted to do was to draw attention to you. He knew that you could feel embarrassed when you were the centre of attention.

And so, practice went on, but Kuroo was noticeably stumbling. All his blocks were broken down like glass, and more often than not, he was catching the ball in his face.

“Haha, the way Kuroo’s catching the ball smack in the face is reminding me of the shrimp from Karasuno!” Lev teased.

Kai, Kuroo’s vice captain, sighed.

“Lev, how many times do I have to tell you that we don’t talk smack about other teams’ players behind their backs? But, you’re right… I think we have to call it quits for today, unless we want our captain’s face to be bruised beyond return.”

Mostly, everyone shuffled out of the gym with no more than a few grumbles or jokes, or the occasional side eye from Kenma.

You, on the other hand, immediately raised an eyebrow at this.

You knew something was on Kuroo’s mind.

What you didn’t know, however, was that Kuroo knew something about you as well.

When everyone had left, you both made firm eye contact with each other. As if pulled in by a rope, you took step by step to close the distance between you two, neither of you breaking that unwavering eye contact.

When you were mere inches apart from each other, you kept on with that impromptu staring contest in silence, waiting to see who would speak up first.

After a few moments, it turned out that both of you blurted it out at the same time.

“Kuroo, what is wrong with you today?”

“I support you, you idiot!”

The difference in what you both said prompted your gazes to turn bewildered.

Your eyes went wide.

“Huh!?”

You understood exactly what he was talking about. It was the fact that he must have found out somehow that terrified you, and you couldn’t help but tremble as you fumbled over your words in an attempt to execute damage control.

“I’m sorry… If you want to think I’m disgusting and curse me, you have every right to… I know I’m a freak for being different.”

Kuroo stared at you as if you had just spoken in an entirely different language.

“Now, why the fuck would I do that?” He was always sly like this, but this time, there was a hint of fondness in his voice as well.

Your head and your heart were still racing a mile a minute, and when Kuroo saw that his laid-backness wasn’t helping, his face softened. 

You felt gentle, strong arms embrace you, and without thinking, you buried your head into his chest.

“If you’re a freak, then I am too, you know.”

When you didn’t react, he elaborated further.

“I’m also into more than one gender…”

At this, your head shot up towards him, gazing into his eyes with both a sense of surprise and a newfound admiration for him.

He smiled at your eagerness, patting your head.

“From now on, we don’t keep things from each other, okay? I’m your captain, and I’m well aware that I can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but it’s still my number one goal to support my team in everything I do.”

To tease him back, you smirked into a sly grin, one that could even rival that of Kuroo himself.

“Wow, so you see me as just your teammate?”

He hadn’t been expecting this, so he suddenly let you go as his face immediately turned flustered. He waved around his arms so frantically that it appeared as if he were doing some strange dance.

“No! You’re my friend! Wait, that sounds wrong too… You’re my best friend!”

“Isn’t that supposed to be Kenma’s job, though? Does that mean I’m more than a best friend as well?” 

At this point, Kuroo looked just about ready to short circuit. You were enjoying every moment that you got to see him transform from a scheming genius to a babbling maniac.

However, you didn’t want Kuroo’s brain to actually stop working, so you granted him mercy by shifting the topic to a more somber concern.

“Since you’re also, you know… Did you ever tell your parents? Are they LGBTQIA-phobic too?”

Kuroo turned back to normal and scratched his chin in thought for a moment, and then shrugged.

“I mean, they can be scary as hell, so I thought they were… But when I did finally tell them, they kind of just went ‘Yeah, we know. Just remember to use protection.’”

The bluntness from such a reaction made you chuckle. A small hope ignited in your heart.

“Maybe if I tell them how I feel, I can get them to change?”

Just to confirm this, you turned to Kuroo for encouragement.

“So you’re saying that… even if I think that my parents might not be accepting, I should give it a go anyway?”

He put his hands on his hips, taking the proud stance that he was notorious for, yet still looking at you with an encouraging glance.

“It’s your choice, but I don’t remember ever teaching my team to be afraid of anything… It’s your life, so you have to have the courage to stand up for yourself. You especially don’t want to have weak knees in front of your own damn parents!”

These words were all you needed to make you think that maybe everything would be okay, and you felt your heart beat with a fondness for Kuroo that you’d never truly felt for anyone before, not even your puppy love crushes in childhood.

The thing was, you could have sworn you felt Kuroo’s heartbeat in the air the same way.

“What are you looking at me for? Go home and do it already!” You could tell he was getting all shy again.

And with that, you turned around and sprinted off back home.

Yet, as he watched you fade off into the distance, he couldn’t help but feel some gut instinct gnaw away at his conscience.

“Shit, why do I feel like I said something terribly wrong?”

By the time you arrived back, the sky had dimmed to give way to the evening. The first thing you did when you walked inside was greet your parents more cheerily than usual to set a good atmosphere, and observed their faces.

Oddly, they seemed to be in a good mood. They weren’t even having an argument. Your mom simply made small talk about various matters to your dad, who nodded along in agreement, as she welcomed you to the dinner table.

“You’re back a bit early.” Your mom hummed cheerily.

“Oh, practice got out earlier than usual today.”

“That’s nice, then.”

“You’re also in a much better mood than usual. It’s been a long time since you’ve spent time together with us like this, kiddo.” Your dad added in a tone of approval as he looked up from the newspaper he was reading.

You decided to take advantage of the positive notes that had been set. You inhaled and exhaled as deeply as you could to calm your shaky nerves.

It was now or never.

“Mom, dad, can I tell you something…?”

“Mhm. What’s up?”

Your mom turned around, still multitasking her miscellaneous chores around the kitchen. Your dad’s attention was piqued too, but he was still half focused on the newspaper himself.

“I think I like multiple genders!” You heaved out in a louder than expected tone.

Both your parents immediately dropped what they were doing. Both pairs of eyes fell on you, with an expression that made it look like you had just confessed to committing arson on the school and getting expelled.

“Kids these days! It must be one of those new trends or phases, right?”

Your dad nervously attempted to laugh off, and you could tell that he was hoping to whatever twisted version of God he must believe in that that was actually the case.

However, it very much was the opposite.

“No, it’s not a phase, dad… This is who I am…” Your voice began to shake and drop to a nervous whisper. This was already starting to go down south, but there was no turning back.

“I knew that the internet was brainwashing kids into this filth, but I never thought you would be one of them! We raised you to be better than this!” 

Your mom’s voice immediately began cranking up the dial further and further with anger and hatred.

“I’m not brainwashed, mom! Why is it so wrong for me to just be who I am?”

It was clear that your mom wasn’t going to back down from her stance, even though this was her own child, so two could play at this game, you thought.

“How many times do we have to tell you? There are only men and women, and God only wants one man, and one woman! Anything other than that is disgraceful, filthy, and–“ Your mother argued back, only to be cut off by you.

“Fuck you and your stupid ideas about God! I’m not even hurting anyone, so why do you guys always have to be so hateful when all we want is love?”

You knew that your rage-filled tone and your words were the very textbook definition of disrespect, but you couldn’t take it anymore. More than ever, you were confronted face on with the reality that your parents were never, ever going to change after all.

You began to see red, but just as you were about to double down, you were snapped back by a painful sting to the face.

Your dad stood towering above you, having just slapped you square on the face. The force was so great that you came tumbling to the ground, your butt making a painful impact against the hardwood floor.

“Fucking deviants like you should just burn in hell.” 

He spat this out in a tone so cold it seemed to freeze the air around you. As you looked up at him like a deer in headlights, he simply looked down upon you with an expression that was utterly devoid of any semblance of mercy.

Everything hurt, and in that moment, you wanted nothing more than to curl up in a hole and disappear forever.

Although your thoughts were in absolute overdrive right now, one thing was sure– it was not safe to be here anymore.

Mustering up whatever little strength you had left, you scurried and limped towards the door like an injured, helpless little animal.

“And don’t you dare come back!” Your father yelled after you, still feeling absolutely zero remorse.

As soon as you stepped outside, a burst of chilly wind hit you with a force that felt like another slap in the face.

You hid behind another house that was a safe distance away. You didn’t really care to know your neighbours, but no one was home, so you could at least be confident that no one was going to surprise you.

As you slumped down against the wall, the reality of what had happened began to hit you.

You had just been kicked out of your own home. You could expect yelling, you could expect bigotry, but this was the absolute worst case scenario, and you never thought it could be real.

And yet, it was all happening. All at once. Your parents didn’t love you anymore, and you had nowhere to go.

The uncertainty of what could happen, as long as the icy cold that began to make you shiver uncontrollably, prompted you to curl up into a ball and sob a stream of tears.

“It’s all my fault… I should have kept my mouth shut…”

Still, even though it was Kuroo who had encouraged you to come out, you didn’t blame him in even the slightest bit.

“Kuroo will be so disappointed in me… He was so confident in me, and yet I failed…”

As the graveness of your situation continued to set in, your fingertips and toes started to go numb. You hadn’t even had the chance to pull on a jacket on your way out of the heated environment of your house.

The tip of your nose also turned red from the biting cold, as your only protection was your T-shirt and shorts– the worst possible dressing for the weather.

It was indeed tempting to give up and fall asleep on the icy grass, but another realisation made you fight tooth and nail to keep your eyes open– if you fell asleep in this weather, your life itself would be at risk, and there was no certainty that you would even wake up.

Your choices grew slimmer and slimmer the more you thought about it, but throughout your thought process, one subject ringed repeatedly in your mind.

“Could I go to Kuroo’s house…?”

From the few times you had visited Kuroo’s house with your team, you vaguely remembered that his house was only a few blocks away from yours. It was a risk to go when you were in this state, and you didn’t want to burden him either, but this was a matter of life or death.

You tried to recall to mind a house number, but failed. The only concrete memory of Kuroo’s house that you had was that it was a different colour exterior than the houses around it, so if you were lucky enough to come across it, you would know.

With this extremely limited knowledge in your hands, you took off walk-running in a vague direction. You would normally had no problem running for a few blocks, but the cold battled you for power over your legs.

As you went further and further, your shivering became more profound, but you had to power through. The moment you would collapse unconscious, it would all be over.

With these high stakes sending your adrenaline rushing to an all-time high, you forced yourself to keep going. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem that the physical activity warmed your body even nearly enough to make a difference.

Even when your vision started to blur in and out, even when every muscle in your body begged for mercy, even when your knees started to buckle beneath you, you summoned up every last bit of determination you had.

Just as the dizziness was becoming too much, you finally spotted that house that stood out from the rest. You finally relaxed your body, legs like jelly as you approached the door and weakly rang the doorbell.

Your knees finally gave way, and you fell to their level in front of the door, silently praying that someone, anyone would be home.

However, even despite these circumstances, your heart still yearned for Kuroo above all else.

Inside, Kuroo’s mom started at her son in some frustration, watching him pick at his food with a fork.

“Right then, so are you going to tell me why you aren’t scarfing down your food faster than a competitive eater like you usually do, or will I have to interrogate you until you fess up and tell me what the hell is wrong?”

Kuroo didn’t know how to explain the situation to his mom, and even if he wanted to, his worries for you completely robbed him of any ability to find the right words.

He mumbled under his breath, continuing to push uneaten food around his plate.

“I really fucked up…” Those were the only words that reached his mom’s ears.

It wasn’t the usage of a swear word that concerned her, it was the fact that this was extremely uncharacteristic for someone as self-confident as him.

She opened her mouth to request him to elaborate, but she was interrupted by a very faint version of the doorbell’s ring.

A gut feeling suddenly rushed to Kuroo, making him jump up to get the door so fast that even his usually unwavering mom yelped in surprise.

As Kuroo fumbled to get the lock open with shaky hands, she thought to herself,

“It can’t be his dad… He’s still at work, so who’s come at this hour that’s made Kuroo so riled up?”

She stood from a distance, watching as the door swung open. She couldn’t see who it was from here, but she froze when she heard Kuroo’s breath immediately become panicked.

You could barely form words at this point, as Kuroo crouched down to behold what had happened to you with horror.

Your breathing was visibly laboured, you were on the verge of losing consciousness, and as he reached out a shaky hand to touch you… that skin of yours was so freezing cold that he retracted his hand immediately.

“Shit, shit, shit!” He repeatedly cursed in a whispery tone.

Just as had happened to you, all Kuroo’s worst fears were coming true as well.

He shook your shoulder in an attempt to make you more awake, and when it was apparent that this was doing nothing, he scooped you up in his arms with ease. He took a few steps into your house and shut the door immediately, so that the heating system could begin to warm you.

Gazing upon your weak, freezing body, he couldn’t hold back the tears that stung at the corners of his eyes.

“Fuck, baby… this is all my fault…” 

He ignored the obvious fact that this could be interpreted as a love confession. That was the last thing on his mind now. All that mattered in every inch of his instincts right now was doing everything in his power to fix what he had broken.

Kuroo’s mom still couldn’t see you from where she was standing, so judging from the baby talk, she assumed that Kuroo had found an injured stray cat.

Imagining that she would see a small pet, this finally made her rush forward to approach Kuroo.

When she saw that the ‘baby’ in question was a human, and a human she recognised from photos of Kuroo’s team, her heart dropped straight down.

Kuroo clutched you close to counter your condition with his body warmth, pleading with every ounce of his heart for you to stay.

“Don’t fall asleep, please… Damn it, I need you! Remember what I said earlier? I know you’re a fighter, so please don’t give up on me now…”

Although you were still somewhat awake, his words couldn’t fully reach your ears. All you felt was a strange sense of warmth, that made you feel safe for the first time that evening.

Meanwhile, his mom made a mad dash, practically turning the house upside down as she frantically searched for the warmest blankets they had.

All the while, she shouted in confusion repeatedly at the top of her lungs,

“Dear goodness! What in the name of the heavens could have happened to this poor child!?”

When she found a few blankets that she deemed satisfactory enough, she tossed them in Kuroo’s direction, and he caught them swiftly.

He made quick work of wrapping you up in a bundle tightly enough to be comforting, but also with a gentleness which ensured that the warmth would not suffocate you.

“Now what are you standing there like a statue for? Go to your room and tuck the kid into your bed to warm them up!”

Kuroo rarely agreed with his mom, but he had to admit, that sounded like a good idea.

‘Tender’ was about the last word that anyone would use to describe Kuroo. Yet, as he tucked you into bed, the tenderness of the way he snuggled you in reached your heart far before the actual sensations of warmth did.

He crouched down next to the bed, clutching your hand hopefully, praying that this would work and you wouldn’t have to be admitted to hospital.

Even though he hadn’t heard a word from you yet, he never stopped whispering encouraging sweet nothings into your ear.

As your skin grew warmer to the touch and your eyes opened to their regular degree of wideness, Kuroo sighed with a relief so strong that it was palpable.

“Thank goodness…”

You grew more aware of your surroundings. The room was entirely unfamiliar to you, but somehow, Kuroo’s presence made the atmosphere welcoming.

The first thing you did as you startled back to normal was look down at where yours and his bodies were joined by your hands. You then looked up at Kuroo’s face, which was tear-stained, but also had an ear-to-ear smile as he saw that your gaze was no longer empty.

It took your brain a few moments to recall what had happened and what was happening right now fully, but once everything registered, overwhelming emotions returned once again.

You felt mortified at the mere thought of your parents. You felt gratitude that you were still alive. You felt a sense of security with Kuroo by your side. You felt guilt because, in your view, you were still only bothering him.

You hyperventilated slightly, distressed tears streaming down your face. Kuroo retracted his hand, believing that he was the one who had done something wrong with you.

Rather, it was quite the opposite. All you wanted in that moment was him.

“Please, Kuroo, just… hug me.” You mumbled in a daze.

That was the only confirmation he needed, and he threw his arms around you. The comfort that his embrace provided validated everything that was going on in your head right now, and choked sobs escaped your throat.

Never once did Kuroo tease you for crying, and he didn’t utter a word about it either. You were of far more worth to him than acting cool ever was.

He knew that the best thing he could do in this situation was to simply be there. He rubbed your back soothingly as his grip on you grew tighter, listening to your cries patiently.

“I’m sorry for causing this. I love you.”

He knew it was crazy to confess his love for you at a time like this, but at this moment, he was letting his heart speak the words that his rationale couldn’t find.

He didn’t care if you loved him back or not, as long as he could make you at least a little bit happier.

His mouth widened slightly with surprise as you jerked up to look at him more directly.

“I love you too…”

The way you had made him hilariously blushing back at the gym had returned with full force. It made you smile, albeit small, for the first time since you were kicked out.

As much as you wanted to continue professing your love and eliciting these reactions from him, you were still too weak to do so. Once again, you shifted to talk about something else.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Kuroo… If anything, this was my fault.”

The moment you said these words, he grabbed your shoulders, the determination in his eyes burning into your soul.

“Hey, even if you don’t want me to take it, don’t you dare blame yourself for any of this. If I make you feel guilty, I’ll never forgive myself.”

His words were sharp, but you could tell that he was being dead serious. His sincerity washed away some of your worries, as you comfortably leaned on his shoulder.

“Well… Do you mind telling me what the ‘this’ we’re talking about is?”

Your safety had been very much threatened, so as much as he wanted to reveal more of his lovey-dovey side to you, he needed to address the elephant in the room.

Recounting your experience so soon brought back stress again as you relived the memories, but Kuroo was not letting go of you, as he gently encouraged the bravery he knew you had inside you.

“I told them… They cursed at me and told me to go to hell… Then they slapped me to the ground and kicked me out, that’s why I ran away here…”

As you detailed what your parents had done to you, you felt Kuroo stroke your hair faster. This was his way of trying to hold back the way his blood was boiling with anger and rage towards two people who he regarded as absolute monsters for daring to lay hands on you.

“How the fuck can anyone in their right mind do that to their child?” He seethed through clenched teeth.

You wanted revenge just as much as he did, but you didn’t want anger to consume him, not after he had gone out of his way for you.

A couple of ways to calm him down drifted through your head, and you somehow went with the most shocking of them.

You leaned up towards his face, and pecked him on the lips. However, you had intended this little kiss to land on his cheek.

When you moved back again and saw how over the moon yet bewildered Kuroo’s expression was, your cheeks turned red as you realised what you had actually done.

“Wait, I didn’t mean to–“

Before you could apologise, Kuroo pulled you in to kiss you on the lips softly and lovingly. It didn’t last for more than a couple of seconds, and even still, you felt that your very two souls had grown a connection to each other.

Kuroo’s thumb cupped your red cheek, and he smiled coyly as he continued to elaborate on what he felt towards you.

“You can stay here as long as you need. That way, I can stay by your side and make extra sure no one has the audacity to hurt you ever again.”

Your lips opened to protest, but Kuroo swiftly put a finger on them to hush you.

“I know what you’re going to say, but don’t. There’s nothing you can ever do to make me think even for a second that you’re a burden. You mean the world to me, and I’m not saying that to bullshit you– I truly mean every word.”

“Thank you…” That was all you could whisper back.

As the real extent of his love began to get through to you, it made your heart swell with a joy that finally made you feel at home.

The sound of blaring sirens approaching made both of your heads turn. The window in the room had been glazed over with the cold.

Nonetheless, the characteristic red, white, and blue blurry hues of police car sirens were very much visible as they rushed by, disappearing just as quickly.

Kuroo covered your ears to protect you from the piercing noise. You already knew what those sirens meant, and he knew that you knew, but he wasn’t going to spare any precaution to protect you from further harm.

“My mom’s been working behind the scenes, hasn’t she?” Kuroo chuckled.

He was right. She overheard Kuroo raging after you had confessed to being kicked out and abused, and she wasn’t having any of it. She phoned the police, and even though she didn’t know where you lived, she kept yelling at them until they agreed to go find them anyway.

When the sirens weren’t as loud anymore, Kuroo uncovered your ears, still hugging you close. You looked at him fondly, and he continued to snuggle your head protectively on his chest, peppering the top of your head with kisses now that he knew you loved him back.

With the background noise of the fading sirens, Kuroo whispered into your ear,

“I want you to know that you never have to stop loving… You’ll be safe here, and I promise that.”

[cafeleningrad]

If it's not to late for the ask game:💚💖💔 for Revolutionary girl Utena. (And if you want ofc)

This show is a never ending opportunity to talk about so the asks will be perfectly on time any time. Thank you a lot for the questions! (/≧▽≦)/ 💚 What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character? That would Tokiko. The fandom barely talks about her, if they acknowledge their existence at all - which is in itself perfectly ironic for the Black Rose Arc finale. I've got many, so many thoughts on the limited yet incredibly revealing screen time of Tokiko, Nemuro before he became Mikage Souji, and the Chida Mamiya. But I will keep it brief at their actual, very human story being essential for explaining what psychological issues are determining the logic of Ohtori, and Akio as it's center of gravity. Tokiko appearing, and being the only person Akio can not intimidate or impress is my favourite moment about accepting past pain, and a life outside of Ohtori.

(And I guess for other two favourites Wakaba and Nanami, I think the fandom is pretty spot on about them (also high five to every Wakaba fan out her, love my onion girl 🧅🤎)) (And yeah, maybe some fans are a bit too kind on Saionji. This boy is physically mistreating others for his compensation. On the other hand, I'm a big Theon Greyjoy fan. For both characters the deeply complicated childhood friendship, patheticness-to-likeability-ratio, and gender-struggle make them overcomepnsate in the most dickhead ways parallels are just too close for me to overlook them....)

As usual, writing about this show got way too long, so the rest is under the cut. ;)

💖 What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series? two things 1. This show thrives on accepting ambiguity and plurality all at once. The itself perfectly blends all it's aspects and inspirations together. Analysis of the text is a beautiful kaleidoscope. I do think a bit more of interest for the Japanese, especially the time and Japanese popculture context helps understanding why certain characters are the way they are could be useful. (By example: Juri's distant yet poised demeanour in a male environment reflect the tough position for women trying to survive in a male dominated field, or Nanami's and Kozue's incestuous tendencies corresponding to a prominent shoujo trope of the time, or what it means for Akio to take on his fiancée's last name, or Jur/iori's ashamed perception of lesbian love and desire as impure is combating questionable Class-S tropes). Still, I think different readings of gender, queerness, but also depression, maturity, childism, machismo in facism, Greek theater, colour theory, literary analysis of fairy tales, German literary influences, theater, power dynamics and also personal thoughts of escj viwer don't exclude other. Instead they link to each other, help understand one aspect a bit better, maybe are in conflict, or support each other. Even if I might not agree a 100% with every reading or interpretation, the thoughts of many other fans have helped me seeing different aspects in different lights.

2. Lesbianism didn't save anyone. I know most "gay gals winning"-claims are jokes. However it does irritate me a bit because the show works really hard against gender essentialism. It understands really well how love, and mature, good relationships works - even within same sex couples. There is a lot to untangle here but in order to not jump to 99 tangents at once: Princehood is not only misogyny. It's an entire mindset of egocentrism, and a power hierarchy needing over people to submit so a single person can climb on their backs. Such renders every relationship to a disproportionate exchange of values - not loving the actual person. At the pinnacle of it nothing matters more than an individual being uncritically revered, untouchable, unconditionally be loved without having to risk anything. If homsexuality was such an easy cure Touga, Saionji, Shiori and Juri... wouldn't be like that. They might even quit the show the moment Shiori said sorry, or Saionji returned at Ohtori. Them being all stuck in princehood mentality means seeing relationships as exhange of value, domination and submission as only possible form of intimacy, yet honest feelings and hurt are incredibly dangerous to reveal. They've a bleak outlook into the future, and mostly care about themselves before they actually care about the other. (Even though from all people Saionji might be the most caring for Touga... this boy is such a trainwreck...) This is why it takes Anthy and Utena 39 episodes and movie to flirt and finally kiss each other because they needed to mature and overcome the fears into which they were conditioned. Their vulnerability of loving has hurt them before: Anthy gave her all to Dios just to have her most intimate spheres in every sense getting violated. Utena lost the unconditional love of her parents, and her trust and intimacy got badly betrayed by Akio. However, they dare risk experiencing such pain again for the other. Opening up, daring to believe in something better, believing in the kindness and connection Ohtori so vehemently denies... there might be the chance of an miracle, actually.

(Don't get me wrong, it is a very queer show so it also tears down the pitfalls of heteronormativity. A prince needs a princess to showcase prowess and simultaneously own someone they can rob of power, relationships are just functions. Unlearning patriarchy means learning anew what personhood and what love is. Love is also the preservation and respect for the personhood of another person. i.e. it's basically Erich Fromm but without his fraud understanding of gender...) Again, SKU is incomplete with only one partial reading.

I don't mean it as "love that transcends gender", and "it doesn't need a label" way. No, Anthy is suffering under very real abuse whereas also bearing a heavily symbolic if not allegorical role. Meaning, reconciling with Anthy, Utena does reconcile with her struggles about being a woman. Utena is by design queer as it already is her starting point that whatever is considered "normal" not making intrinsic sense to her.

💔 If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose? Ooof that's a tough one. The entire cast represent different arguments and issues of the Ohtori system, even side characters like Keiko and Tsuwabuki become relevant. Let alone main characters... (And I'm of the very strong opinion that a good story utilizes every character perfectly. Without even a terrible character there would be no plot. Which is to say we have to keep Akio if we want a plot... ) Even when dead, Touga is a necessary foil as self-aware ideal of princehood... I know Nanami only appears once in the manga but what would the story be without one of the best characters ever created for TV?

Alright, I've to choose: Evne though Miki and Kozue are my Rosetta stones to Akio's and Anthy's fraud relationship, I think removing Kozue would make for an experiment in deciphering Miki. How quickly would we pick on his deal if her was a prince without princess. After all, Juri and Shiori are the next step in isolation and dehumanisation, and Saionji has actually as many princesses as Wakaba has princes... hmmm... To say, Kozue is my starting point in understanding the arbitrary of gender roles and misleading concepts of innocence. Without her Miki could mislead the audience much more easily...

[ontheroadrp]

GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN, ALFIE BAILEY (adam di marco fc)

life on the road can be tough, but we’re glad you and yours made it to taos!

we love a soft boy. absolutely gagged at his copy of little women. the laurie and jo comparison??? SCREAMED. lover boys are near and dear to our hearts. kind of disappointed that we cannot be his long lost college roommate lover. but alas one of us is a lesbian, and the other engaged.

[ADAM DI MARCO, CIS MALE, HE/HIM] ever heard about [ALFRED “ALFIE” BAILEY]? Out here on the road, they have a reputation of being [COMPASSIONATE & SENSITIVE] but also [NAIVE & GULLIBLE], no wonder they’re called [THE DON JUAN]. According to local legend, they’re [TWENTY-SIX] and when they pull up to camp not a soul can mistake the sound of [HEAVEN by BRYAN ADAMS] following them. Some say they carry [HIS COPY OF “LITTLE WOMEN”, HIS WALKMAN, A BOX OF MATCHES THAT HE GAVE YOU & A POLAROID PICTURE OF HIM AND HIS MOM] and have been traveling with [THE CON JOBS]. [pep, twenty-two, he/him, gmt] 

biography 

The moment Alfred Bailey was born, the whole world stopped. Or at least, it seemed to stop for his family and especially, for his mom. He was born into a seemingly happy family that longed for a boy ever since the last girl was born. “This is our last try.” His father had said to his mother and just like that, it seemed like the fates had listened to these words and so Alfred was brought onto this world. He had been his parents’ fourth try after their three girls were born, which they loved dearly, but deep down they had always wanted a boy – they just couldn’t share that. From the moment he was born, Alfred was babied. No one could deny it, not even his mom could deny it – it was clear as water that he was his mother’s favorite, even his sisters could tell that. As hard as his mom tried to hide it, she just couldn’t. She would always protect the sweet boy she had given birth to – Alfred didn’t mind, of course. In fact, he got too used to it and the more he grew up, the more he searched for his mom’s approval for everything. 

His sisters never held him accountable for taking all their mother’s love. Alfred was sure it was because they had the freedom to do as they pleased, but he never discussed it with them. The more he grew up, the more Alfred grew sensitive to everything that surrounded him. He was sure that it was either because of his sisters or because of the love his mom gave him, but he knew that he was more sensitive than the other boys in his school. He was the kind of kid that would cry over a stomped flower, which of course, led to some troubles with the boys at his school – but there was one who was different. Alfred was sure that he had never felt like that before – he was only thirteen and he had only read about love, he never could have thought it felt like that. But he knew that he was different from the other boys – not that it was a bad thing, but he never shared his feelings with anyone. Instead, he preferred to daydream and imagine a life with his “friend”. 

Alfred was never sure why his “friend” had stopped talking to him. Maybe he hadn’t been as cautious as he thought he was being, or maybe he had gotten a girlfriend and forgot about him. Just like he had read about love, he had only read about heartbreak, and it was much worse than he thought. His mother tried to find out what was happening, tried to get some answers out of him but he never shared the truth – he was in love with a boy that wanted to do nothing with him. Maybe one day he would tell her about everything, but now wasn’t the time. He promised his mom that he would be fine… after all, if Laurie could move on from Jo, then so could he, right? 

He grew up and learned how to accept himself for who he was. Alfred worked hard, got into college and gained a bit of freedom once he found out that there was more to the world. He didn’t lose his essence when he got into the college. He was still the sensitive and naïve boy that his mother had raised – and he was sure that he was going to fall in love with every boy that he met. There were just too many, but no one was like his roommate. Alfred didn’t mean to fall hard for this one, but he did – and he seemed to forget everything he had learned about his heartbreak from middle school. He found himself daydreaming again, thinking about how life could be with his roommate. They already shared a room, Alfred wondered how it would be if they shared more than that. Maybe he was getting ahead of himself, but Alfred caught himself more than once staring at him and he couldn’t stop. 

There were many good moments with him that Alfred cherishes, but the one that impacted him most was the night of the blackout in the dormitory. It was right before an exam and Alfred needed to study, so amid desperation, his roommate lit a candle right by his desk. “Always carry matches with you, you never know when you’re going to need them.” He remembers these words, they’re always in the back of his mind. Alfred could have never expected that he would just disappear like that. The last thing he expected was to come back to his room and it being empty – the only thing left was the box of matches he had used during that night. He felt like the world was going to end, but he couldn’t let himself fall down the rabbit hole that was heartbreak again.  

A year passed, Alfred graduated, and everything seemed to be normal again. But in the back of his mind, all he could think about was him. He needed to find him. Without much explanation, Alfred left the town he had grown up in, only leaving a small message to his mom. Alfred knew that this was going to break her heart, but he needed to fix his first. And so, he set off in hopes that he would find him, only taking a few essentials with him and the box of matches, hoping to return them to his true love. 

stats 

Please distribute up to fifty points among the following stats! Click here for more detailed instructions on stats. 

Athletics - 1 

Burglary - 0 

Contacts - 1 

Crafts - 2 

Deceive - -1  

Drive - 1 

Empathy - 3 

Fight - -3 

Investigate - 2 

Lore - 3 

Navigation - 2 

Notice - 2 

Physique - 1 

Provoke - 0 

Rapport - -1 

Resourcefulness - 2 

Stealth - 0 

Will - 2 

[autisticandroids]

ok how would girls au work because i feel like to keep true with the theme of toxic gender roles them being cool and butch feels very at odds with that when like the girl version of that would be like christian girl with an instagram talking about country life and her future husband like it would be an interesting combo for them because john would be like ur an inherent failure for being a girl but also the expectations are lower already for them compared to john and sons

yeah it’s like weird! but i think about it a lot. i made a big fun post with it here.

basically my ideas are a combination of serious (dean) interesting (sam) and self-indulgent (cas).

like first of all i think sam is an out lesbian and i think she came out during the fight before stanford. like, i think she told dean when she was like fifteen, but she told john the night she left. she spat it in his face, actually. 

i think dean is like. dean loves her unconditionally but is also lightly homophobic to her about it, you know? they were accustomed to sharing motel room beds as kids but dean won’t do it anymore now that she knows sam likes girls. dean is also like, weird to her about her interactions with other women, and also talks constantly about men, as though men-liking were a cool exclusive club only dean is invited to.

i think sam has like butt length straight hair and doesn’t wear any makeup ever but doesn’t like. wear mens clothes or anything, like she wears plain clothes that are cut for women. on hunts she puts her hair in a braid. maybe she braids a spiked strap into it like beka cooper.

dean is like........ dean is a lot like young, pre-john mary i think. think the song remains the same. dean is obsessed with performing masculinity, while at the same time terrified of seeming mannish or queer. she walks a weird line, and ends up overperforming both masculinity and femininity. she regularly challenges dudes twice her size to arm wrestling contests in bars, but she never goes out of the motel room without a full face of makeup. like she’s obsessed with doing both. masculinity for respect, and femininity for conformity. you know that thing dean does with his voice? the harshening? the intentionally adopted accent and tough guy tones? she does that too. and her voice is raspy, like rachel miner’s. she’s just as invested in her “heterosexuality” as canon dean.

she wears dean’s same green army jacket but underneath it she ties up a flannel shirt so it bares her midriff. she wears her hair like s13 mary, except that sometimes she puts it in little pigtails. 

cas is the easiest because cas’ gender presentation doesn’t matter at all except in how OTHER PEOPLE relate to her, so it’s less a question of “how would cas do woman?” and more a question of “what would it be fun to see other people/dean specifically react to?”

so basically like. jimmy novak is a frumpy feminine christian mom. still wears the trench coat and probably a suit but when i say suit i mean blazer, pencil skirt, tights, blouse (or maaaybe a button down), low-ish heels. long hair in bouncy curls (think rowena’s hair but no bangs and black). actually jimmy novak probably pinned her hair up in a slight updo.

anyway i’ve decided that i refuse to try and remember what actually happened with cas falling in like, canon, like how close he got to human. this au’s cas gets close enough to human that she has to start like. showering. anyway she can’t take care of the hair so it gets tangled in a giant rat’s nest and dean gives her a bathroom chop. she has to borrow the winchester sisters’ clothes, because she has to start changing clothes but also because she can’t fucking walk in jimmy’s heels or in that confining skirt without the assistance of her grace. 

all the winchesters’ clothes look baggy on her because she’s kind of spindly and narrow and flat as a board. like dean and sam have big shoulders, big hips, and big breasts, and cas has zero out of three, so anything she wears looks like a smock. she keeps wearing the coat over whatever they give her. she’s tallish (five feet eight or nine inches?) but dean is taller and sam is freakishly tall. cas could probably pass for a man alone but when she’s with dean or sam it’s obvious she’s a woman just because of the heights.

when she returns to angelhood at the end of season five, she’s wearing jimmy’s white office button down, but no bra underneath because the only reasons she would need one would be to either make her boobs look bigger or to hide her nipples and cas isn’t interested in either of those things and bras are uncomfortable, no blazer on top, a set of cargo pants that look feminine and form fitting on dean because dean is in possession of an ass and hips, but baggy and dykey on cas because she is not, combat boots (also dean’s), and the coat, and her hair is just like canon cas’ hair but way choppier because dean cut it for her.

anyway, dean treats cas in a WILD way, like. they do some intricate rituals in season four? they are dean winchester and castiel, after all. but after cas butches up in season five and then stays that way dean pushes it into overdrive. “i wish you were a boy so i could date you” shit. dean lets cas put a hand on the small of her back. she jokes that cas is her boyfriend. when cas sleeps, they sleep in the same bed, “since you can’t possibly share with sam, she’s a dyke.” also she called cas cassie a lot when cas looked more feminine but switches exclusively to cas when cas looks more masculine. like it’s this whole “”””straight”””” girl intricate ritual where one is attracted to a masculine woman so one coercively masculinizes her further.

sam tries to check in with cas to see if cas is cool with this forcible masculinization and weird gender relationship, because sam is gay and Understands or at least thinks she does. she also catches wind that cas is here to smash a lot sooner than in canon. but anyway cas rebuffs her because cas hates sam. 

tangent, but one of my least favorite things that happens in mid spn, starting i think in s6, is that they start needing plausible deniability for cas, so they start pretending him and sam are like, friends. like 6.20 “i did it to protect the boys. or to protect myself. i don’t know anymore.” like there’s all this emotional stuff where cas is clearly talking about his emotional connection to dean, but sam gets included in order to make it seem SLIGHTLY less gay. and that’s annoying because of the no-homo-ness but it’s actually more annoying because 1) i liked s5 cas’ bitchiness towards sam i think that killed and 2) if sam and cas are gonna be friends after cas was a bitch and called sam an abomination and shit, develop it! develop it! don’t just Say that they are.

anyway it’s my au and i say what happens so the plausible deniability “both the brothers are important to me” shit does NOT happen and cas is a bitch to sam throughout s5&6. they do eventually bond later? like cas still takes sam’s hell trauma, and sam feels like she owes her for that (even though it was CAS’ FAULT IN THE FIRST PLACE but sam is batshit like that). so that’s what kind of gets them to eventually bond a little and become friends and comrades. 

also sam clocks cas as gay. obviously. sam tries to inform cas about being gay. because sam too is gay. it only kind of sticks. cas doesn’t really understand how human societal roles work. cas has HUGE angel autism and i support her.

also as long as we’re talking about five and six, why don’t we deal with male lisa. so obviously the kid thing doesn’t work. the thing that lisa does that makes dean like :o is not “have a kid that might be dean’s” but “tell dean he was going to propose.” this implies that they were dating in the past longer than canon dean and lisa but oh well. 

however, when dean gets pulled back into hunting, she’s six weeks pregnant by lisa and doesn’t know it. cas immediately tells her, and offers to give her an angelic abortion. she accepts without hesitating and cas does it. the fact that this - cas taking ownership of dean’s reproductive organs in a somewhat invasive way, even if it was wanted - contributes to their whole.... season six..... dynamic. dean never tells lisa about this.

that’s everything i can think of. i have work in four hours.

[cloudsnbones]

Here is a selection for your lovely self to choose from <3

50, 63 or 110 please 🥺 For Kerry...Susan...the wives - you know ofc.

My Hidden Angel

prompt 110: just pretend we’re okay, just for tonight

warnings: mild alcohol consumption, touches on topic of 'outing', some references to suicidal ideation

other tags: kerry x sandy (before), kerry x susan (implied), kerry & susan, hurt/comfort, hugs

Kerry’s eyes traced the mulberry patterns intertwine then separate then briefly meet together again followed by a small gap before they finally made themselves whole, ending in solid semi-circles at the opposite end of the duvet, striking loud against the cream which predominated the piece.

She was supposed to be happy, finally released loud and proud into society, herself - different, yet still beautiful. So what was wrong with her? Because she didn’t feel like that. She didn’t feel like that at all. The burning in her throat came in waves of strength whilst her heart felt like a large block of ice that had plummeted into her stomach. As for the rest of her body, it all just felt numb. Numb and useless. For the first time in a long time, she felt small, really small. Peering eyes had followed her throughout the ER as she tried to pretend that everything was ok, that she had wanted that to happen. That… what they thought didn’t matter to her. She was their boss after all. It shouldn’t.

But if she couldn’t even convince herself, how on earth could she convince anyone else?

After leaving work she had stormed over to the Fire Station where Sandy worked to give her a piece of her mind, chew her, and spit her out as Sandy had done to her. Returning the favour. But she had been left feeling even worse.

Even more hated and alone than she had before which was something considering… everything.

And she knew that if she passed away in her sleep, no one would care. No one would come to her funeral, no one would mourn. And as devastating as that is, she felt at peace. For once in her damn life, she wanted to be quiet. To hide. To return back into her bulletproof shell and never leave.

There was a light tap on the door.

Kerry ignored it. It could wait. Probably a door-to-door salesperson. Not worth her time.

A slightly louder knock followed, and then a loud buzz.

This now seemed more like a person, perhaps… Sandy?

Kerry’s heart fluttered in hope. And it was this alone which eventually forced her to get one and then two legs out of bed, wrapping her body tightly in her silk dressing gown before slowly making her way to the door, leaning on nearby furniture to do so.

When Kerry got to the door she took in a small breath, closing her eyes to rack up the courage to be able to speak coherently in front of her again. She didn’t want to relax her guard, or to let her anger completely ease off but what she really didn't want - was to be alone. And it was this sole urge for companionship that drove her resolve to forgive Sandy. She had found herself in the past year and despite her still wavering confidence in her sexuality she couldn't deny that she had never felt more complete, more understood, lighter, and happier since she had discovered she was a…

Lesbian.

In one quick movement, she turned her key in the lock and pushed down the door handle pulling it towards her, she opened her eyes expecting to see Sandy on the other side apologetic and soft but instead she saw someone whom she did not expect. Dr. Lewis.

“I-” Kerry started, her face dumbfounded.

Susan just smiled, 75% convincingly, holding up a bag to her face filled with a lovely aroma of spices.

Kerry looked at her suspiciously.

“I’ve brought you dinner,” Susan said, after a beat, trying to ignore the deep feelings of anger and frustration which she had always associated with Kerry.

“Oh thank you,” Kerry replied eventually, peering at the bag from where she was standing, frozen to the spot, “Why don’t you come in?” She added awkwardly her voice catching on the words and she squinted her nose and eyes slightly in embarrassment of herself, letting out a small sigh.

Susan just continued to smile and stepped into the door as Kerry shuffled out of the way before she closed the door.

“Please come on through.” Kerry said, “oh, and shoes off before you come in please.”

Susan had expected that to be the case, she smiled playfully to herself as she slid her shoes off.

Kerry stood, watching her uncomfortably, wondering what she would do and also questioning as to why this had happened in the first place. She bit her lip and curled her right ankle around to scratch at the back of her calf, which wasn’t the best idea as within seconds she began to lose her balance. Before she really had the opportunity to fall or to steady herself, Susan caught her outstretched arms ensuring she stayed strictly upright.

Kerry was shocked. Not only by the sudden contact but also of the position she was in with regards to Susan. She was staring directly at Susan’s chest. Well, where her chest was below her periwinkle jumper. Her eyes widened and she raised her head to look at Susan before shaking herself back into reality and straightening up allowing Susan to let go of her arms. Despite this, the place where she had touched her, burned.

When Kerry looked back at Susan she noticed her empty hands. But where was the food? Oh, Susan had just placed the bag on the floor. She needed to get a grip.

Kerry made to brush off her slacks only to find silky material there instead and that is when she realised that she was in fact not wearing her day clothes at all but her night-time things, and her cheeks began to glow red.

But Susan didn’t care, she just picked up her takeout bag and gestured towards the entrance to the living room, “This way?”

Kerry swallowed and then nodded, a bit too fiercely. Susan smiled and Kerry followed her into the living room.

“Do you have any films?” Susan asked as she sat herself down on the sofa.

“What do you mean?”

“Just… films.”

“Yeah, I mean, uh… kinda, maybe not the type you’re thinking of though...” Kerry’s voice tailed off.

“That’s alright, we can just watch whatever’s on.”

Kerry stood, passively watching Susan turn on the tv and set out the food she had brought with her onto the table before her. After a moment it registered that this may appear strange so in a hurried shuffle made her way to sit down next to Susan. She placed her hands politely on her knees and looked pointedly at the carpet in front of her. Susan glanced over.

“Are you alright?” She wondered aloud, a touch of a laugh in her voice.

Kerry furrowed her eyebrows, her mouth twitching in tandem, “Yeah, I-” she let herself process what she wanted to express before she turned abruptly round to Susan and queried, “Why are you here?”

The harshness of her voice and the absence of friendliness in Kerry’s general demeanour led Susan to feel as if she was being interrogated, as if she wasn’t welcome in Kerry’s home, and by breaching this unspoken contract of keeping distance between employer and employee she had perhaps angered the beast without intending to. It would not be the first time. But as she took her time to consider Kerry’s apparel, the soft plea in her eyes, and her stiff, clunky posture, the way she glanced at her leg every so often as if she was worried something would happen to it. But what could it possibly undergo? Except… judgement. Kerry’s defensiveness, her ferocity, so present in Susan’s life as a constant adherence and annoyance was down to experiences like she had had today. Susan could see that now. She knew that in the past she had only helped contribute but today maybe she could change that, but first, she needed Kerry to trust her.

Susan relaxed her shoulders and placed the empty take-out bag onto the floor underneath the sofa before she began.

“To cut a long story short; I’m bi.” She looked up to catch her eyes with Kerry’s as if to prove she was telling the truth before she continued, “And, when I was in high school, there was this most beautiful girl, she had dark hair and the pinkest lips and her voice always sounded like she was singing.” Susan closed her eyes, reminiscing.

“We were best friends, her and I, and we did everything together. I was intoxicated, but there was nothing I could have really done about it. I had a massive crush on her. I don’t know how they knew, perhaps I hadn’t hidden it as well as I’d thought but some of the boys in my year started teasing me about it, asking if I was a ‘lesbigay or whatever, and when I obviously didn’t respond and got embarrassed they um, they decided to announce it to the whole school.”

Kerry’s mouth opened, stunned into silence. This wasn’t what she had expected at all! Setting aside the fact that Susan was also gay, Kerry listened to her story with deep compassion, and horror. She tried to express her sympathies but only managed to stare at Susan wide-eyed and she hoped that the empathy she felt in her heart managed to express itself well enough on her face.

After looking at Kerry's face, Susan continued, “Yeah, it was pretty terrible, I lost a lot of friends that year. But um...” She paused for a second, considering her next words. “The thing that happened to you today reminded me of that and I couldn’t rest easy staying at home and thinking about it so I came over and did what I wish someone, a friend, or a parent even, had done when I was in that state. Because it is tough, and it is lonely. And no matter the shit that’s happened between us in the past, no one deserves that, no one. So as allies, I guess, let’s just pretend everything’s okay, just for tonight.” Susan smiled at Kerry then, and the redhead began to understand how much she had needed a friend, someone who would accept her, and understand why she had to hide. Someone to let her know she wasn’t alone.

“But anyway!” Susan clapped her hands together with a new-found cheerfulness instilled in her, disrupting the melancholy mood immediately. “Let’s eat!”

Throughout the evening they talked very little, making mild comments on the hallmark movies or about the food, and Kerry eventually found the strength to thank Susan for her kindness. Once the meal was over, Kerry produced a bottle of Pinot Grigio for the two to share and despite Susan’s inner voice telling her to ‘go home’ she accepted the offer. The alcohol loosened Kerry’s tongue and she was no longer sat like a meerkat on the lookout but instead as if she was spending an evening with a friend. Susan let Kerry cry and rested her head on her, oh the softness of the cashmere against Kerry’s cheek as she buried herself deep in Susan’s softness.

They stayed in that position for a while, even once Kerry’s crying had ceased, Susan would rub her hand up and down her bank comforting her and reminding her that someone was there. Someone who cared about her, who understood her.

The intimacy and the alcohol and the events of the day meant that once Kerry ultimately did lift her head up and came face to face with Susan, so close she could almost feel the light hairs on her face, she was overcome with this urge to kiss her. Not a rough kiss, nor a gentle kiss, more a kiss goodbye or hello, a kiss saying thank you. Her hand tenderly stroking Susan's jawline, suggesting the act was about more than just lust or circumstance.

At first, Susan lent into it, Kerry’s taste being much calmer than she had expected, but once she realised what was happening she pulled herself out of it, gently, so as not to potentially hurt Kerry.

Susan smiled a sweet smile, slightly flushed as if she was sixteen once more and encountering her crush in the cafeteria. “You’re a really good kisser,” she observed trying to relieve some of the deep mortification evident on Kerry’s face, “But not tonight.”

She helped Kerry to her bed before setting herself down on the couch and continued to grin, touching her fingertips lightly to her lips where Kerry had kissed her.

Not tonight, but next time...?

[thevioletjones]

48. “You make me want things I can’t have.” 💜

Thanks for the inspiration! 💜

Prompt 3

Buffer

Ian Gallagher was starting to become a problem.

And the worst part about it was that he wasn’t even a problem that Mickey wanted to resolve. No. He just kept holding Ian closer and refusing to push him away like he should. He was just letting him ruin Mickey’s mediocre life. Because something about Ian was unshakeable. It wasn’t just that Ian kept coming back no matter what Mickey ever said or did, either. Ian was definitely persistent, but Mickey had formed an attachment too, even though he did everything in his power to hide it. It was still there, buried under layers of caustic remarks, aloof expressions, and occasional lashing out. He wasn’t proud of his behavior, but it was just who he was, and remaining unchanged in his ways was easier than the alternative.

Ian was definitely too good for him. Sure, he was hood trash too, but they were on two different levels. Ian was buffed up with a certain surface shine that Mickey lacked. Although, he would admit he’d come a long way in his style and hygiene game since his early days as an unwashed miscreant. Mickey was a gay man after all, and not immune to gaying certain things up, despite his tendency to flout homo conventions. If he wanted the ability to get a decent dick in his ass, there were standards that he’d learned to push himself to meet. This was the glossiest Mickey was ever gonna get, and it still came with a pinch of grime and hostility.

Maybe he’d developed enough sense to give a fuck, but he still didn’t give two shits either; a concept that walking contradictions the world over could likely comprehend.

The thing about Gallagher was that he was sweet. Not in an annoying, cloying, obvious way that was anathema to everything Mickey was about, but in a low-key, casual, incidental kind of way that somehow managed to be attractive, even to someone with Mickey’s abrasive nature. Ian played tough, and he genuinely was in many ways, but he had a gooey, marshmallow center that evened him out. Mickey didn’t see himself as having that sort of balance.

But there were these unsettling moments like this, usually in the middle of the night or early in the morning, when Mickey would catch himself watching Ian unawares. Unawares because he only ever did it when the redhead was deep in sleep. Suddenly, Mickey would be Mr. Contemplation, burning a hole into the face of the dude he was banging, daring to wonder what could happen between them if he wasn’t an emotionally stunted asshole. And then he’d reflect on what Ian’s life was like whenever he wasn’t around; the things Mickey acted like he didn’t care to know.

These circular thought patterns never led anywhere good, because at the end of the day, Ian wasn’t his. And Mickey could never be Ian’s. He’d long ago resigned himself to a certain destiny that involved long-term solitude until his dying day, which he’d always been fairly certain would come prematurely and most likely in violent fashion. It would be ridiculous to drag someone else into his vortex of apathy for life and the general traditions of living it. Especially someone like Ian, who was good; who helped people because he genuinely cared about, like, the well-being of humanity and shit. Despite the occasional soft look or revelatory comment that Ian would throw his way, he knew better than to think he’d want to be saddled with Mickey’s non-reciprocating ogre-y ass.

Usually when one of these intense, one-sided staring sessions would take place, Mickey would overcompensate for silently slipping by adding an extra dose of rudeness when he kicked Ian out after the fact. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure why Gallagher still bothered with him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t get laid elsewhere. Ian was the type that would never have trouble finding a willing ass. Yet somehow he kept coming back to Mickey and ignoring all the negatives thrown in his path. It didn’t make much sense on either of their parts… allowing each other in on any terms. Probably meant that Ian was just as fucked up as he was, really.

Blowing out the last hit off his smoke, Mickey glanced at the bedside clock and stubbed out the cigarette butt. 3:26 AM and he was wide awake, just gawking at his slumbering ginger fuck buddy, and trying to repress the multitude of emotions swirling within him. It was truly pathetic.

He could just get the hell up and drag his ass to the living room to play video games or watch late-night TV, but no. Apparently he liked suffering and feeling conflicted. What a pussy.

Not ten minutes went by before there was slow movement from the other side of the bed... Ian turning over in his sleep, reaching an arm out, and searching. Searching for the warmth of Mickey’s body, it would seem.

A big hand landed on his thigh, rubbing it softly as tired eyes blinked open, and a groggy voice sounded, “What’re’y’doin’?”

Oh, just fuckin’ lying here starin’ at your pasty ass for some reason. “Can’t sleep.”

“Didn’t wear you out?” Ian asked with a breathy titter, squeezing the sensitive flesh precariously close to Mickey’s groin.

Maybe it made his dick twitch a little.

“When did one round ever wear me out?”

“Pretty sure there were two rounds. Did you forget about the couch?”

“Random handies while watchin’ mediocre porn barely counts as a round, carrot-top.”

“A, it wasn’t that mediocre, and B, do you only consider it sex if penetration is involved?”

“I mean… it helps.”

“What about blowjobs, then? How would you classify them?”

“Sex act, but not sex, sex. Know what I mean?”

Ian laughed. “Not really. What about lesbians?”

“Definitely don’t wanna have my cock anywhere near those.”

“Har har. I mean, what would you call lesbian sex?”

“Gross? Boring? I don’t fuckin’ know. Never had it, don’t plan to.”

Ian laughed harder and it made Mickey feel good. “Pretty sure lesbians don’t want fuck all to do with you either, bottom boy.”

“Hey, likin’ what I like don’t make me a bitch.”

“No, but you seem pretty hostile toward anything but a real live human cock poking you in the asshole. I mean, naysaying getting your dick sucked? That’s a bold bossy bottom stance to take.”

“What can I say? I’m a simple man with simple kinks. Aren’t you glad I don’t need any freaky extra shit to get me off?”

“What kinda freaky extras are we talkin’?”

“Fuck off, Gallagher. Don’t act like you don’t just live for stickin’ that big red dick inside any tight manhole that’ll accommodate it. Does that make you a hungry top just begging for it?”

“I prefer ‘brutal top,’ since it’s so big, as you were so kind to mention.”

Mickey rolled his eyes into tomorrow. “Gotta remember to stop accidentally complimenting it. You get so fuckin’ uppity about it.”

Ian rolled over and boxed him in, nuzzling around his face and neck, while Mickey tried to bat him away.

“Come on,” prodded Ian. “Big hard cock seeks tight little hole for another round of deep penetration.”

Mickey could feel said big hard cock firming right up against his hip. “Ixnay on the cutesy man seeking man dirty talk, fuckhead. I will make you take that hulking boner elsewhere.”

“No you won’t,” Ian replied, humping down against him.

Of course he wouldn’t, but he had to front at least a little bit. That was the nature of his inner beast.

While they were fucking, Mickey could just let himself get lost in all the appropriate heightened sensations that really good sex immersed him in. Immersed him and Ian in. Ian and him. Them. Reveling in the pleasure of carnality was totally kosher… as long as it limited him from basking in that additional Ian stuff. That feelings stuff that he had no idea what to do with. That unfathomable connection that existed between them.

He let Ian kiss him a lot too. Like, a lot, a lot. That wasn’t customary for him with other dudes. In fact, it barely ever happened. It was just another habit Ian had slipped under the wire to form with him when he wasn’t paying enough attention. Mickey was pretty sure he’d kissed more girls in his life than boys, because that was always an easy, less disgusting way to publicly appear straight during the years he’d spent in the closet. With guys, there was nothing to prove and everything to hide, so it just wasn’t something he incorporated into his casual sex routine.

Before Ian, he hadn’t exactly attracted the kind of dudes that warranted sticking around for in any capacity, or who made any kind of effort to stick with him. There were never any near-miss boyfriends, or pine-worthy hookups. Sex was always transactional and he’d been perfectly fine with that arrangement.

The truth was that once he’d fucked up and invited Ian in for repeats over and over again, he started to figure out that the sex just kept getting hotter and hotter. That when two bodies really took the time to get to know each other, things fit better, motions got smoother, and orgasms got a thousand times stronger. Turned out that one-night-stands were not where the fuck it was at. Those were always crapshoots with odds that were at best 25/75 in favor of mediocrity. With Ian, it was guaranteed total fulfillment 100% of the time.

That was the only explanation he could find for this unexpected addiction he was stuck with. An addiction to Ian and his stupidly perfect cock. The rest of his body was alright too. And when he spoke, he wasn’t completely fucking annoying. His personality and his nature were tolerable. Mickey didn’t want to gouge his eyes out every time he got sucked into a conversation.

They didn’t really hang out, though. Outside of the bedroom, that is. It was like the whole game changed when they were in bed. They could fuck, they could goof around and have a laugh, they could wrestle, they could accidentally say something profound once in a while… but if Ian had a bag of food when he dropped by, Mickey wasn’t about to sit on the couch and watch TV with him while he ate it, and he definitely wasn’t going to accept a portion for himself.

Until tonight, that is. Or last night, or however the fuck time was identified when you were a natural night owl.

Tonight, they’d crossed another invisible line in the sand, and Mickey had found himself chowing down on tacos, while heckling some shitty 90s action film; his part-time lover chuckling next to him with a sloppy mouth.

It was fucking terrifying.

So as soon as he’d realized what was actually happening, and how much he didn’t hate it, Mickey had switched over to some hardcore porn. They’d cracked jokes about it at first, but it’d done the trick of quickly leading to the familiar comfort of sexual gratification. With that justification, Mickey could just sweep the whole ‘watching a movie and eating together like they were on a date’ thing under the proverbial rug without further examination.

At least until Ian had fallen asleep around 2 AM. Then it was dwell city.

By 4:30 AM, Ian had fucked him into the mattress once again, and promptly fallen back asleep without a care in the world. Mickey was more than sated, but felt even more awake than he had an hour ago, his brain full of fresh bullshit about the man next to him and what was happening between them.

He opened his bedside drawer and pulled out his stash, knowing the high would fog up his brain enough to go off on thought tangents, and eventually shut down for at least five hours. Within ten minutes, he felt a little better, or at least more distracted. He was still very aware of Ian’s looming presence in the darkness, though. He wanted to be comforted by it, but he just couldn’t relax.

There’d always been a buffer between them, which Mickey had been diligent in maintaining, and he could see it slowly falling away now. If he didn’t step up and push back, pretty soon there’d be no barrier left standing. Who the fuck knew what could happen then.

He hated it. He felt so fucking out of control, when it should be the easiest thing in the world to control. All he had to do was break it off. He knew exactly what to say and do to make that happen. Knew enough to be able to really hit Ian where it hurt, both literally and figuratively.

But goddamn it, he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to make Ian sad, and he didn’t want to give into his own desire to try for more. He would always fuck it up, because he was a fuck-up by nature. His goddamn knuckles spelled it all out in block letters.

He wanted Ian, but he didn’t want the responsibility. Didn’t trust himself, because no one had ever trusted him before in his entire life. What kind of dumbass wanted that kind of damaged douchebag for a boyfriend? No sane one.

Against his better judgment, Mickey rolled closer to Ian and wrapped an arm around his middle, spooning him the way he secretly liked it when Ian spooned him. He held him close and breathed in his scent.

“You make me want things I can’t have,” he murmured to himself, exhaling heavily against Ian’s neck.

He fell asleep swiftly, and in the morning, he didn’t ask Ian to leave.

[residentlesbrarian]

The Second Book I Read In the Dark: Another YA superhero novel for me to squeal over forever...YES, Please! Gimme Gimme!

Dreadnought by April Daniels

So Day 1 in the dark continues onward and I have already finished 1 of my 3 library books with still so much day left so what else to do but soldier forward and continue without pause. Well there was a short pause for delicious chicken soup cooked on a blessedly gas powered range (never gonna live in a house with an electric range; I swear this thing has saved our butts in so many power outages), but I digress; I was ready! This time I was taking a break from the whimsical and witchy and diving head first into all things super with an extra heroic twist. 

I had heard so many good things about this book for so long but again it had fallen to the wayside of other distractions (a rainbow montage of movie and TV show gays runs back and forth through my head like the migrating fandom flamingoes). What finally made me make the decision to buckle down and do the thing was a video review done by one of my favorite YouTubers, Dominic Noble (Video Linked below). I love his series Lost in Adaptation, because as an avid reader I too find myself appalled by what Hollywood often does to my favorite books. Hearing him talk about Dreadnought was just the push my flighty brain needed to say, “Fine! Alright! We haven’t utterly obsessed over a teenage superhero book in like 6 months since we near bludgeoned our girlfriend with Not Your Sidekick! Fine! Let’s do it!” So...yeah if this intro is anything to go by this should be a fun one! Let’s dive right in shall we!

Unicorn Rating:

Blurb: She just wanted to paint her toenails in peace but then a superhero had to go and die and give Danny the one thing she never thought she’d have...her proper body. Now if only everyone else felt that way too. Life just got awesome and really really complicated all at once! Oh yeah and she can fly now. Bonus!

Disclaimer: I will try my best to not spoil anything from the book, but my book loving rambles may give more away than a traditional review. Here we go! Ramble time!

Review: 

Holy crap! After the last book this was exactly what I needed! This book was just...so good! The plot...the characters...the world...everything about it just pulls you in and doesn’t let you go. Now I may have felt that way because I didn’t have anything trying to pull me away from this book but I don’t think I would have been easily pulled away if there had been distractions. And so many facets of this story were things I didn’t expect because I had never seen them portrayed before. Like the fact Danny having to deal with the rampant day to day sexism of being a woman now that her appearance matches who she really is. I’ve never seen that in a book before and I absolutely loved it! I was so dedicated to Danny’s story from page 1 it’s ridiculous, and look at that, a perfect segue into the phenomenal characters of this book...look what I did there switching it up going out of order on ya...gotta keep ya on your toes.

Our protagonist Danny is such a phenomenal example of a genuine kind caring person who is also deeply scarred and angry. It was so amazing to read a character that was flawed and struggling and doesn’t see how much a hero she really is and the small moments when others take that double take and go, “You’re the real deal, huh?” But those moments just confuse the living hell outta Danny cause she’s just Danny, she got super powers as a fluke. She is also hilarious and courageous and smart but knows she isn’t perfect and has weaknesses. She may be the strongest person on earth physically now but she acknowledges that that isn’t everything someone needs. Danny is such a good bean, but she has issues and that isn’t glossed over which is so rare. Now the next thing I want to touch on is a very tough subject but is very prevalent in the book so I wouldn’t be a very prudent reviewer if I didn’t bring it up. Danny is, without question, an abused child. This isn’t even really a spoiler, it alludes pretty heavily to it in the blurb, but what I’m gonna touch on next does dip into that territory so I’m gonna break it into a new LONG paragraph so just scroll on by if you don’t want to read this bit.

So at one point in the book Danny mentions a health screening at school that revealed she had hearing damage in her right ear that has now been healed by the mantle of Dreadnought. At the time of the screening she didn’t realize why until her dad had another Mount Vesuvius day and she assumed her usual position of curling in on herself and turning her head to the left so he would yell into only her right ear. Now how loud and how often do you have to yell into someone’s ear to cause permanent hearing damage? I don’t know and honestly I don’t want to know. Why am I highlighting an overall tiny moment...because for me this moment jumped out and gut punched me. Brought literal tears to my eyes. Tears of pain. Tears of rage. Tears of hate. I’m a weepy bitch when I get emotional. I’ve read a lot of books that try and portray abuse and how Daniels wrote Danny’s abuse from her father took my breath away because it felt so real. There weren’t really any good days, there were bad days, there were really bad days, but most days were just anxiously waiting for the next bad day, because Danny knew there would always be a next bad day. Something that did surprise me was my feelings about Danny’s mother. I knew going in I would hate her father, before even meeting him I hated him, but her mother, that was a hate that lay dormant until it exploded onto the scene and froze me to my core. I’m not gonna get into my own demons here but there is one thing I cannot abide by and that is people turning a blind eye while someone abuses another. Danny’s mother is the textbook definition of someone who “goes along to get along”, she will do just about anything to keep the peace, but at what cost? Instead of protecting her child from someone who literally screamed so long and so loud at her child that it damaged her hearing she just sat back and let them. That’s not the worst though, no, after Danny’s transition her mom seems to be understanding of the fact she is happy being a girl and is buying her things she needs like bras and undeniably feminine shoes, only to reveal it was all to keep Danny docile so she wouldn’t cause more fights with her dad. That to me is unforgivable. Not worse than the abuse of the father, but still undeniably selfish. She never cared about Danny or listened to her and what she was really saying. She just didn’t want there to be anymore fighting. Well I’m sorry, but sometimes, as a mother, you should fight to protect your goddamn child when someone is hurting them. The last thing I’ll say before going back to the more spoiler free and fun part of the review is that the fact Danny can never make herself say she is being abused hits so close to home for me. As a reader looking in from outside, there was a scene with a member of the Legion that I felt like, as an abuse survivor myself, I was standing there begging Danny to accept her invitation. To get out of that house. To get away from her father. To see what he was doing for what it was. But I knew she wouldn’t, she wasn’t ready, and it broke my heart to watch her fly away.

Anyway moving on from all that heavy stuff lets talk about other things like some freaking superheroes and one particular vigilante. We have the Legion members: Doc Impossible, Valkyrja, Magma, Graywytch, Chlorophyll, and Carapice. Now How do I want to talk about these characters...in what order...hmmm...how about from best to worst. Okay? Okay. Great! 

I freaking love Doc Impossible! She is a character that from the moment I met her she gave me ‘kookie grandma’ character vibes and I get DOWN with kookie grandma characters. Now I know she isn’t a grandma character nor is she particularly crazy in the way she acts; it's just a vibe I get from her that I love. Now one thing I do want to say without spoiling anything is how Doc is one of the few characters that never tries to take away Danny’s agency in everything that happens around her in all this superhero craziness. Danny can always be her own person and most importantly a kid around Doc, and I feel Danny really needed that. I will stop myself now because I could go on for hours about Doc and how much I LOVE HER!

Next up we get a two for one, Valkyrja and Magma. We don’t see much of them but what we do get is pretty good. They are adult superheroes who have their own priorities surrounding what is going on with Danny, but aren’t mean or cruel and seem to genuinely care about Danny. Valkyrja is funny and surprisingly down to earth even though she is basically a scandinavian goddess of sorts. Also the hilarity of her being Danny’s long time celebrity crush never gets old. Oh Danny, you useless little lesbian. Magma is a precious big hot boy that seems like he’d give good hugs. Yeah, that's about all I got to say about him that won’t spoil anything. 

Now we have another two for one with Chlorophyll and Carapice. These two I'm between dislike and indifferent on.  They weren’t outright mean to Danny but they treated her more like a means to an end or down right refused to acknowledge she was the new Dreadnought whether they liked it or not, but we didn’t really get to see them enough to really learn more about their motivations. 

Finally to round out the Legion we have Graywytch. Excuse me while I get this out. *Exaggerated throat clear.* First of all, Imma slap that stupid robe of ya stupid head. Then Imma stab you with your stupid fancy atheme you like to wave around all the time. And don’t even start on your “Typical male, always resorting to violence” shtick, cause guess what, I’m a ciswoman and I still wanna stomp a mudhole in your ass. And for that...Imma slap your dumb bird too. *Deep breath in. Looooooong exhale.* Sorry about that. Mama had to express some rage. I have never had a hate-sink character that made me feel the fiery flames of rage quite like Graywytch...obviously. Her treatment of Danny had me gripping the book tightly and growling about slapping birds and “shanking bitches” more than I should probably admit. She is one of those characters that I love how much I hate her. She served the exact purpose she was meant to and it was never cast in a light that she may be right in her treatment of Danny, we are always aware that her mindset is ridiculous. Like the fact outside of her parents Graywytch is the only character to blatantly deadname and misgender Danny. To go off on a small tangent here I may relate too much here because I have a younger brother who is trans (don’t worry he is fine with me discussing it in reviews and such) and I went to a graduation party when my best friend graduated medical school and he was out to the family but not extended friends yet. After only referring to him by the proper pronouns for so long at home hearing the wrong ones caused legitimate eye blinking record scratch cognitive dissonance for me. I had the same feeling anytime Graywytch opened her stupid mouth and blatantly misgendered Danny. Because the way this is written Danny is Danny, she is exactly who she is meant to be. Suck it Graywytch!

Okay, I know you probably want to hear about the plot I know, but we have one more character we have to talk about and that is Calamity, the rootin’-ist tootin’-ist vigilante that ever did come through these here parts. Sorry, I have to talk like this now, it’s part of the persona, you have to commit to the persona. But real talk, I absolutely love Calamity as a look into “graycapes” and the real dive into the world of superheroes beyond the big heroes. We get to see how someone who doesn’t have the backing of the Legion goes about helping people, the little people, those that maybe the Legion way up in their tower can’t see from so high up in the clouds. And y’all know me, I love a morally gray vigilante with a heart of gold.�� She had me at “You wanna go capin’?”

Now obviously I couldn’t get enough of the characters but the plot was pretty darn good too. It was so intricately woven in with Danny and her inheriting the mantle from the previous Dreadnought that she had no choice but to be an integral part of it. Now I obviously don’t have as much to say about the plot as I did the characters but know if you come for the plot you won’t be disappointed. It kept me guessing and threw me for an absolute curve ball at the end that I did not see coming! You won’t be disappointed.

So final thoughts...there isn’t much more I can say without going on an hours long squeal fest about how much I freaking loved this book and the characters and the intricacies of how Danny’s powers work and how she was written and how she interacts with different characters and just everything that would mean massive untakebackable spoilers! So I will end on this note; Danny is a character that it would have been easy to lean into the superhero aspect and let the reader forget that she was trans, but April Daniels didn’t want that. Danny was gifted the easiest transition in the history of the world. What takes most people years of HRT and surgeries and therapy Danny did in the passing of a mantle, but it never took away the fact she is and always will be trans. It was a unique reading experience that I have only been blessed with once before but that’s a story for a different review on a different day.

Queer Wrap-up: I would give my left kidney (that’s my good one btw) to give this book five unicorns, but alas I cannot, a one off conversation in an elevator hinting that a certain improbable doctor may have a one sided thing for a particular sadly straight scandinanvian god being is just not enough to count as additional rep. As much as I love this book, and I love it A LOT! We only have Danny as our queer rep and she is fantastic rep and our protagonist so a 4 unicorn rating was a no brainer on this one. Danny is the kind of trans rep I want to see more of in the world of books, YA and otherwise. Being a trans lesbian is a huge part of her character but she gets to do so much more than that in the breath of the story and that’s what I look for in great representation, so Danny easily earned these 4 unicorns on her own merit just being her amazing self.

Links: 

Goodreads

Dominc Noble’s Review

Alright so...this one got long. Ah hell, I ain't gonna apologize for it! This is a damn good book and I wanted to get my fangirl squeal on y’all. 

Oh no, I think I’ve been thinking about Calamity too much I slipped into the persona without meaning to! This book was just far too much fun to read to the point I started reading it out loud with a full cast of voices (hint: the Calamity parts were my favorite) because it flowed so well and was genuinely so funny at parts and heart wrenchingly sad in others and so action packed the next moment. I finished this book in less than a day and if I had been more present and not under a pile of blankets and wearing a headlamp I might have thought to keep a timer to tell you the exact number of hours it took me, but alas know it didn’t take me many. 

So the adventures reading in the dark continue on to the next review after this one but as always if you want to read this but don’t want to spend the money without knowing for sure you are going to like it, go to your local library. You’d be surprised what they have on their shelves just waiting to be discovered. Trust me, I’m a lesbrarian.

[artificialqueens]

Galactica, Chapter 46 (Group Fic) - TheDane/Veronica

A/N: Click here if you’re looking for previous chapters (or here if you’d rather read on AO3). 💫

Last Chapter: Pearl invited Adore to a party

This Chapter: Adore has a very bad week, the design team gets more cronuts, and Raven has a lunch date with her bestie.

***

“I don’t understand…”

It had been a great night. Pearl had picked her up, both of them dressed to kill, Adore’s hair freshly dyed an icy turquoise. They’d had dinner, laughing their asses off while they swapped stories about concert debauchery and their favorite bands, and then went onto the party. It was just hours of dancing and flashing lights and pounding bass, their bodies pressed together, chemistry electric like it’d been when they first got together.

Things were so heated at one point that Pearl dragged Adore off to fuck her against a brick wall, making her shiver and moan, fingers gripping the lapels of Pearl’s motorcycle jacket.

After the party, they’d gone to an all-night diner in DUMBO for pancakes, sharing sticky kisses, leaving most of the food untouched as they giggled happily, party drugs slowly leaving their systems.

And then lastly, they’d wandered over to the bridge, the best spot in the whole city to watch the sunrise.

It was then, snuggled in Pearl’s arms as they watched the sky slowly begin to brighten, the first faint rays of light turning a few clouds pink, when Adore carefully brought up the idea of being monogamous. If not now, she figured, clinging together under a cotton-candy sky, then when.

“This open thing, I just...I feel like it’s making me paranoid, you know?”

What she wasn’t expecting, not after a night like that, was that Pearl would immediately let go of her, shaking her head, saying, “I’m just not ready for that.”

Which brought them to the present moment.

“I don’t understand…” Adore began, eyes welling up with tears. “Didn’t you have fun tonight?”

“Yeah, of course. I always have fun with you,” Pearl said.

“So then why-” Adore gulped as a single tear spilled down her cheek. “Why am I not enough for you?”

“It’s not that! You’re great. You are. There are just things I miss when we’re together. And I don’t want to make you a promise that I can’t keep.”

“Like what? What do you miss?”

“Like…” Pearl faltered. “Like, little lacy panties and kissing with lipgloss. Having a manicured hand in my hair while I eat a girl out. Watching an ass in high heels and smelling floral perfumes. Carrying her tiny purse-”

“So...I’m not femme enough?” Adore asked, head still shaking in confusion.

“You’re the one who asked.” Pearl sighed, pushing away from the bridge. “I like you, and it makes me sound like a douche, but, I dunno Adore. I’m a lesbian. I like girls. Sometimes-” Pearl looked over at her. “Sometimes you seem more like a boy.”

Adore swore she could feel her heart shatter, a wrecked sob leaving her. Growing up, one of her biggest sources of shame was not being enough of a “girl.” She never liked frilly things, she never liked the things her older sisters did, like ballet classes and fashion and shopping. She remembered being a kid, bored silly with the endless conversations about nail polish and push-up bras that she was subjected to.

When she came out, one of the best things was that a lot of those expectations were suddenly removed, lifted from her shoulders. She could make her own rules, and so she did. But sometimes, secretly, she still worried. She still glanced at her reflection when in a group of other girls, still wondered sometimes how she measured up.

Most of the time, she got plenty of validation--her friends praising her constantly, and even her sister’s lighthearted shade was affectionate, never failing to slip in a compliment. So she was able to curb her inner demons, really believe that she was beautiful and cute and lovable, even if she wasn’t the most feminine.

But today, hearing Pearl’s honest opinion...it was like someone confirming her worst fear. Like a boy. As she continued crying, her chest aching, she felt like even more of a monster than she ever had.

“C’mon, don’t cry.” Pearl didn’t touch her, and Adore was so thankful for that, as it would have made everything worse. “You’re a really cool boy, and it’s fun to spend time with you.”

“Just stop talking.”

“Let’s get a cab and head back-”

“You think I wanna ride in a cab with you right now?!” Adore asked angrily, swiping at her eyes, surely smearing her makeup even more. “Fuck you!”

“Adore-”

“Just go!” she exclaimed hoarsely, glaring right into Pearl’s tired eyes, daring her.

After a resigned sigh, Pearl muttered, “Whatever you say,” and turned, walking back towards Brooklyn.

***

Courtney had almost finished getting ready for work, putting the last touches on her makeup and looking for a pair of earrings both plain enough to be acceptable, but that she was certain she hadn’t worn in the last two weeks. She’d just pulled out a pair of small, inoffensive black hoops when her phone started buzzing, sending a wave of fear and nausea through her all at once.

It was barely 6:30, and getting a phone call at this time could only mean that there was some pending disaster for her at work--or worse, something she’d already screwed up. She reached for the phone with her heart in throat, stomach churning, only to see to her surprise that it wasn’t her work phone ringing. Brow furrowed, she picked up her old personal iPhone, wondering what could be wrong.

“Adore? Are you okay?”

“Pearl and I broke up,” came Adore’s shaky voice, hitching on the last word.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry!”

“We had the best night, I thought things were turning around, and then she-”

What came next was almost totally incomprehensible as Adore tried to speak through her sobs.

“Where are you, honey? Do you need me to come and-”

“I’m on the Brooklyn Bridge.”

“You’re what!?” Courtney’s heart nearly stopped, panic rushing through her like a bolt of lightning.

“No, I’m…It’s just cause we were at a party here. Don’t-” Adore managed to chuckle drily through her tears. “Don’t worry.”

“Oh. Okay. Good.”

“I’m just gonna walk across and then like...I dunno. Probably go home and sleep all day. But I thought...maybe we could hang out this week?”

“Of course! Whenever you want, just say the word. Okay?”

“Okay. Thanks. I’m sorry to...I know you’re probably heading to work, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You know you can call me anytime. And Dore?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

***

Pearl was leaning back in her chair, her eyes closed, a constant throb behind her right eye.

Normally, she had nothing against the big glass doors and windows that let her entire team see her at all times, the installment of them her own choice, but right now, Pearl desperately wished she had a private office.

She was feeling absolutely wretched from last night, and if she was being honest, it wasn’t just leftover alcohol and party drugs that had her feeling like shit.

Adore had completely misunderstood, had refused to listen to her when she explained herself, the whole thing a terrible terrible mess.

It wasn’t Pearl’s fault that Adore had agreed to something she apparently wasn’t cool with, this whole situation only happening because Adore didn’t actually know herself.

Pearl crossed her arms, groaning, the lie comforting for a moment, but it was just that, a lie.

Adore had asked for honesty, but it seemed like Pearl had made a mistake indulging it. She didn’t know what to do, the guilty feeling new and unfamiliar.

“Pearl?” Pearl opened her eyes to see Laganja standing at her door, a curious expression on her face. “I need you to-”

“I don’t need to do shit until after you get me a coffee.”

“Okay boss?” Laganja raised an eyebrow. “Way to be a bitch.”

Laganja turned around and walked away, Pearl groaning as she slid even further down her chair, today going from bad to worse to terrible.

***

“Hello! Earth to Chachki.”

“Huh?” Violet looked up, Bob’s voice cutting through her thoughts. It was midmorning, Trixie coming into work with boxes of cronuts, a smile on his face as the designers had flocked around him.

Everyone had gathered at the couches, Violet’s stack of magazines she had already read in the corner, Maxwell asking if he could read them when she was done.

“Are you going to eat that?” Bob pointed at Violet’s plate.

“Oh.” Violet looked down, the pastry untouched. “Umh-” April had been kind enough to bring Violet a plate without being asked, her and Alexis sitting side by side. “What’s Trixie’s deal with these anyway?”

“With the cronuts?” Jovan looked over at her, Maxwell next to him.

“It means there’s a tough week ahead-” Maxwell waved his cronut around. “It’s kind of an apology in advance.”

“Ha,” Violet smiled, that statement so fitting with everything she knew of Trixie, the man downstairs in a meeting with Bendela.

“And the question still stands on whether or not you're eating that,” Bob nodded, his eyes still firmly on Violet’s cronut.

“Ah.” She hadn’t even tasted it, but Violet was not in the mood, Sutan’s question about Aspen still playing around in her head. “No.”

“Dibs then!” Blu grinned, reaching over the coffee table and snatching it from Violet’s plate.

“Hey!” Bob yelled, outrage on his face. “That was mine.”

“We can share it.” Blu smiled, breaking it in two.

“You guys,” Alexis rolled her eyes, taking a sip of her coffee as she flicked to the next page. “Awww, look!” Alexis lit up, turning the magazine around. “Remember when Lupita Nyong’o wore my dress to the Grammys?”

“Gimme!” Maxwell reached out, snatching it from Alexis' hand and Violet leaned over so she could see too, Jovan inches away from her.

Lupita looked stunning in her dark blue gown, the flowy skirt making her look like a goddess, Alexis’ signature draping all over it.

“She looks great,” Violet said, “You should be very proud.”

“Thanks, girl!”

Violet looked closer at the page, grimacing when she saw Katy Perry’s weirdly unflattering, asymmetrical suit.

“Katy Perry, though, what an absolute mess. It looks as if Maxwell and Jovan collabed while on acid.”

The second the words left her mouth, Violet regretted them.

This was the first time she had spoken her mind around her new coworkers, the first time she had let out her most sarcastic and dry thoughts, her heart speeding up.

Jovan and Maxwell looked at each other, and Violet tensed, prepared for the angry response she was sure would be coming. But instead of snapping at her or putting her in her place, both men burst out laughing, the rest of the group quickly joining in.

This was unlike anything Violet had ever experienced in school, her peers not laughing at her, but apparently with her instead, the feeling completely new. No one giving her death stares or looking at her like she was a stain on a carpet.

“Omigod, draaag them!” Bob exclaimed, wiping his eyes.

“I-” Violet didn’t know what to say. As a child, she had kept her mouth shut, never saying anything, even when it got her in trouble. It had gotten better at the academy, her body speaking for her, but her classmates and coworkers had taken her silence as a judgement, her corrections of their work like attacks instead of the advice she had meant it as.

In college, she had just stopped giving her opinion all together, another girl leaving a critique in tears when Violet had shared her honest thoughts.

“I didn’t mean-”

“Just to be clear,” Maxwell smiled, “I refuse to have this color story pinned on me.”

“Oh girl shut up,” Jovan grabbed the magazine. “It’s not the colors that makes this terrible, it’s the fucking cut. Are you blind?”

“Anything but the neckline is fine.”

“Okay, so you are blind?”

“I think all of it looks like shit too.”

“BLU!”

Violet smiled, watching her coworkers argue, for once, feeling like she completely and absolutely belonged with them.

***

Bianca stepped off the elevator into her foyer, nearly tripping over a pair of studded black combat boots telling her that she wasn’t coming home to her usual empty apartment.

“Adore? Hello? Where are you?”

Bianca walked through the living room and dining room to the kitchen, assuming that’s where she’d find her sister, but there was no Adore to be found.

“Adore!”

She started to get concerned when yipping from the dogs guided her into the den, where Adore was curled up on the giant L-shaped sofa, buried under 3 blankets, a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels sitting on the coffee table.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Adore looked up, blue eyes red and watery, lip quivering, and Bianca immediately softened at the sight.

“What’s wrong?” Bianca asked, although she had a pretty good idea already.

Adore rubbed her eyes and sniffled before saying, “Please just don’t say ‘I told you so,’ okay?”

“Aww, baby girl…” Bianca rushed to her side, wrapping her up into a hug and rocking her, rubbing her back, letting her cry it out. “I’m so sorry, pussycat.”

“I’m so stupid,” Adore cried into her neck, and Bianca shook her head vigorously.

“You’re not. Not at all. She’s the stupid one. Okay?” Bianca murmured against her temple.

“Do you have any ice cream?”

Bianca smiled slightly, brushing away a few of Adore’s tears with her thumbs. “I’ll have some delivered. Cookie dough or fudge brownie?”

“Both.”

“Coming right up.” Bianca pressed a kiss to Adore’s forehead and reached for her phone. The fact that things between Adore and Pearl had ended like this was no surprise, not to anyone with half a brain, but she still felt badly for her sister, would still do anything possible to help her feel better.

***

“Juju!” Raven stood up, smiling brightly as she watched her best friend make her way through the restaurant. “It’s so good to see you!” Raven pulled her in for a hug, breathing in the scent of the coconut oil Juju always used.

“Hi gorgeous!” Juju said, hugging her back, and Raven grinned, pulling back to take her in.

Juju looked amazing, her brown hair styled in her signature curls, her blouse of the day a satin lilac with a bow. And of course that bump, growing every day.

“Mama, how did you grow this much in two weeks?” Raven put a hand on Juju’s belly, a tight pencil skirt holding it in. She couldn’t feel the baby yet, but that didn’t matter.

“My best guess is curly fries.” Juju laughed. “I’ve been hitting up Arby’s on my way home from the salon every day, because I…” Juju framed her face with triumphant jazz hands, “am garbage!”

“That’s why we love you,” Raven giggled, pressing a kiss to her friend’s cheek before getting back into their seats.

Raven and Juju had been friends for years. Raven had liked Juju from the moment they met,  Sutan putting her in Juju’s salon chair the second he had signed her for Elite, but they hadn’t officially clicked until she had started dating Raja.

Raven had never really had a best friend growing up, and she was so happy that she had Juju, even though they didn’t see each other as much as they both wanted to. Raven often visited the Sanderson household, spending her evenings there sometimes when Raja worked late--but with the twins, Detox and Kelly around, they rarely had time just the two of them. So as soon as the waiter came by and took their orders, she got down to business.

“Tell me all about your trip!” Raven said. “How’s the new location doing?”

“Oh man. I mean it’s going well so far, but could I have chosen a worse time to open up a new salon? I’m so busy already, and now this new kid. I’m a little worried.”

Juju’s New York salon was such a success that over the years she’d opened up several more locations: Los Angeles, Miami, and Chicago. And now, her latest one in Atlanta, opened just a month before she’d found out that she was pregnant again.

“If anyone can do it, you can!” Raven told her with an encouraging squeeze, remembering how hectic things had been after the twins were born. “Look at it this way...at least it’s only one baby this time.”

“Ha! That’s true. Anyway, so far so good. Plus it’s around the corner from the best restaurant I have ever been, in my life”

“In Atlanta?” Raven asked, stirring her iced tea, one eyebrow raised.

“Yes, don’t be such a snob!” Juju laughed.

“Whatever you say,” Raven replied.

“Rave, seriously. I mean the food was good, but the desserts?”

Raven perked up, eyes getting bigger and bigger as Juju proceeded to describe a decadent chocolate mousse cheesecake and coconut bread pudding soufflé.

“Stop, omigod!” she finally interrupted, picking up her napkin to fan herself with it. “This is too public. It’s like watching porn on the subway.”

Jujubee laughed, clapping her hands. “Sounds fun! I’m gonna try that. Also...” Juju gestured to the dessert tray rolling by, piled high with confections.

“Ugh, I would push my grandmother in front of a bus for one of those!” Raven groaned, and Juju laughed again.

“So have one! You can’t still be on your runway diet, right?”

“No, I am. “ Raven sighed. “Galactica is doing that showroom thing for the holiday collection next week, and in December I have two swimwear shoots.”

Just thinking about it, Raven groaned. She was excited about the Galactica booking, showroom shows technically way below her level of modeling, but Raven took any excuse she could to work with Raja, spending time with her finacée more than enough reason to put up with the tedious task of playing mannequin for the day.

What was starting not to feel worth it, was the swimwear shoots.

Raven wanted the money, and she was happy she had work, but she couldn’t wait for Thanksgiving, Sutan giving her a mere 6 hours of carte blanche to eat whatever she wanted.

“I’ve been in the gym two hours every day, eating like, grass and leaves.”

Raja had been sweet about it, encouraging her and helping her, but her fiancée just didn’t understand, getting in shape and most importantly keeping the same shape never an issue for Raja, Raja’s measurements largely the same in her 40s as they had been in her 20s. Raven was just happy that Raja seemed to love her body no matter what, the grind of being perfect getting harder and harder every year.

“It’s been horrendous.”

“Aww, I’m sorry boo.” Juju reached over the table, squeezing Raven’s forearm. “If it helps, Kelly’s getting into cooking and yesterday she made us the most god-awful pancakes I’ve ever had. I didn’t want to discourage her so I had five.”

“How is you eating five pancakes supposed to make me feel better?!” Raven shrieked.

“They were terrible!”

“They were pancakes! Do you know how long it’s been since I had a pancake, you fuckin’ bitch?!”

Juju opened her mouth to reply, but instead, caught sight of the absolutely enraged expression on her friend’s face and burst out laughing. Soon both of them were laughing, clutching their sides, completely unconcerned with the number of Upper East Side ladies giving them the stink-eye.

***

COURTNEY: Hey honey, how’s it going?

ADORE: Well. Bianca is keeping the liquor cabinet well-stocked, so...counting my blessings.

COURTNEY: I really want to see you.

ADORE: Me too. Ditch work tomorrow and come hang out with me.

COURTNEY: Ha! I wish.

ADORE: Maybe Friday? Sleepover at my place?

COURTNEY: It’s a date. <3

***

“If you’d please direct your attention to the beading samples in front of you, I’ve made horizontal and vertical variations, the horizontal the pattern I’ve integrated on the bodice-”

As an assistant, Violet had been used to Fame’s steely blue eyes every single day, a squint, a lifted brow, the twist of a mouth more than enough to tell Violet everything she needed to know.

Now, it felt like Fame was a complete stranger, her boss sitting with Raja at her side, both of them completely impassive, Fame’s face not giving anything away.

“And it’s my clear conviction that that will be the best choice, the lines creating a more pleasant visual.”

Violet knew it wasn’t her outfit, her hair styled with a golden clip exactly like Fame liked it, her nails the almond shape and pale pink that was never a problem, her shoes the regulated height so Violet wouldn’t tower over Fame if they had to walk anywhere together.

“For the sleeves, I hope you’ll considered the flared options,” Violet twisted her mannequin, showing off the right sleeve that she had carefully attached with loose stitches to her dress, “But I’ve also done a more traditional slender-”

“Violet.”

Violet froze, looking over at Fame, her boss wearing a white sweater and white high waisted pants, the row of pearls on her Jimmy Choo’s matching her bracelet and earrings.

“That’s all.”

“Oh,” Violet felt her stomach clench, a flash of disappointment washing over her. “Yes Miss.”

Violet grabbed her mannequin, knowing defeat when it was staring her in the face. She had no idea what she had done wrong, Fame cutting her off mid sentence, all the other designers getting feedback or questions.

Violet watched as Alexis rolled up, the other woman instantly filling out the room with her personality, even making Raja laugh as she showed off the several garments she was working on.

Violet swallowed her disappointment, breathing through her nose as she left the meeting room, her nails digging into her palm.

Years of ballet had taught her that sometimes, even your best wasn’t enough, but without feedback, Violet had no idea what to change or how to fix the situation.

She sat at her desk, tailoring thankfully sending up a package with options for details on her prêt-à-porter so she could distract herself.

Violet was going over the button options for the clothes that would end up mass produced for the stores, when she felt Trixie’s hand on her shoulder.

“Good work today Violet.” Trixie smiled, sitting down on the edge of her desk. He was wearing a blue fuzzy sweater with a teddy bear on it, the creation so clearly made by Katya, a clipboard in his hand.

“Thanks.” Violet bit her cheek, doing her best not to let the disappointment show on her face.

“I know it’s tough right now, not knowing where you stand, but remember. You’re most likely already in the collection somewhere.” Trixie’s voice was soft, which actually only made Violet feel worse, his compassion not at all what she needed. “While we’re waiting for placements and final feedback, I need you to focus on Holiday.”

“Yes.” Violet nodded. She only had one piece in the holiday collection, but she still had to do her best.

“Everything is happening Monday, and I hope you’re ready for it. I expect you to be there bright and early, getting to know how these things work will be crucial for your further career here.”

“Yes sir-” Violet cut herself off, the sir feeling all wrong. “You got it coach.”

[skepticallysound]

A short story that I’m taking name suggestions for?

I didn’t turn around, because I knew that if I did all I would see is her face, screwed up in pain. Maybe she’d be on her knees, sobbing. I don’t know, because I didn’t look back. I wanted to. Oh, god, how I wanted to turn around and see her one more time, I recalled how her face dropped when I told her; I know I would cherish that last memory of her face forever. It was senior year and we’d both be going off to college next year, so that was the end. We always talked about spending these last few months together, before I left for Yale and she went to UCLA, but I guess my parents had something else in mind. My parents. That was it, they were the problem. I was angry at them, understandably, but they were still my parents. I needed them. I didn’t need her. Just wanted her really, really, really badly. When I finally got home I called Mick. He picked up right away. “Hey, I was just gonna call you. Wanna go get some pizza or something?” I let out a sob. “Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?”, Mick asked.

I tried to explain but I was crying too hard for him to even understand what I was saying. “Ok, it’s ok. I’ll be there in ten.” That was Mick. Reliable. Caring. The best friend I ever had. I can’t even imagine my life without him, we’re basically like siblings. And of course we’ve had the moment where he confessed his love to me - because we’re a boy and a girl, we have to be romantically involved right? It went something like this:

“Jess, I like you. I have for a little while now and I just thought you should know.”

“Mick, I like girls.”

“Oh… Ok. Never mind then.”

And that was that. He was great. Anyway, he came over and found me curled up in a ball in my bed under my covers. “What’s happened, love?”

“I broke up with Alisha.” I cried.

“Oh, honey. Why?” He cooed. He was good like that, supportive.

“Because, because -“ It was at this moment that I realized it was a very stupid reason, probably one of the worst ever, in fact. I started crying even harder.

“Ok, it’s ok, we don’t have to talk about it.”

And like that we stayed for quite some time, him holding me, stroking my hair and me, bawling, unable to speak.

Of course, eventually Mick had to leave. My mom came home and although both my parents adore him, it was also getting late and, like I said, boy and girl. So, no sleepovers allowed - stupid rule if you ask me, especially since I had come out, like obviously I don’t want to have sex with him now, surely you understand that. But no, my parents are very much the “Oh, this is just a phase” type of people. So, no sleepovers. Mick told me to text him if I need anything. He knew how to sneak into my window and he told me that he would bring ice cream or Kit-Kats - my favourite chocolate - in a heartbeat. My mom asked what that was about. I hesitated. I loved my mom, but, she didn’t really get me. She tried really hard, I have to give her credit, but her life was so different from mine and she just really didn’t get what it was like for me. Plus the whole lesbian thing, but we’ve already covered that. I decided to tell her. “I broke up with Alisha.”

“Oh, honey. That’s tough… but I really think this is for the best.” She hugged me. Best my ass. “If you need anything, let me know. I love you.” She let go and kissed me on the forehead. I went back up to my room. I felt like throwing up. I probably grabbed my phone to text Alisha about a thousand times, even typing out what I wanted to say. “Hey, I’m so sorry. It was a huge mistake, can you forgive me?” But I never sent them, it wasn’t fair to her. I break up with her and then a couple hours later change my mind? Bullshit. So, I laid in bed. Eventually, the tears stopped, and all I felt was numb. Right about now, all I wanted was a big hug from my dad and a deep talk from my mom, but my dad wasn’t home yet and my mom wouldn’t really want to get into the depths of my relationship with Alisha. Slowly, the sweet release of sleep came over me as I blasted my music, and I drifted off dreaming of her. Her gorgeous chocolate eyes and dark brown skin. The way she used to straighten her hair everyday in eighth grade because she “thought it looked better” but eventually left it natural most of the time from tenth grade on because she finally started to believe me when I told her it was beautiful. If it wasn’t clear already, Alisha and I were friends. Good friends. Not quite Mick and I good, but good. It’s kinda funny, because normally the two girls are the best friends and the guy and the girl fall in love, but this time the guy and the girl were the friends and the two girls fell in love. So, yeah, we were friends. And I loved her as my friend, but I always thought she was beautiful. Honestly, she was a big part of my sexual awakening, I never really realized that thinking other girls were pretty wasn’t normal, especially because my one girl friend that I talked to about it was also into girls, so, I guess neither of us really realized we were not straight for a while. It took me talking to my sister to figure it out. I remember we were both on instagram and she showed me this picture of this girl and said something like “Ugh, her stomach is so flat. Why can’t I look like that?” Which is total bullshit to begin with because my sister is hot - it runs in the family, I guess. But then I said something like “Holy shit, I’d [Insert sexual comment here]” which got a very strange look from Paige, my sister, and I thought ‘Huh, maybe that’s not normal.’ So, yeah. After that, Alisha and I started dating, we dated halfway through grade 11 through until the end of senior year. At first, I kept it a secret from my parents, and she understood that. Coming out was not an easy thing for me, for Alisha though… lets just say, she had a very different relationship with her parents. They were much more accepting than mine, but also much more strict when it came to some things. Like, for example, when they did find out we were dating, her parents did not let us go into her room, in fact, they barely let us stay at her house alone, ever. My parents, on the other hand, didn’t really care about that as much. Even when my sister brings her boyfriend over, they’re allowed in her room. So, it’s a bit of a different dynamic between her and I. When I did finally come out to my parents, I wasn’t shunned or anything, but I wasn’t exactly welcomed with open arms either. I got a lot of “I’m sure you feel that way now,” and “Theres nothing wrong with experimenting.” But it was clear that they either didn’t think this was a lasting thing, or hoped that it wasn’t going to be.

The next day when I woke up, I had a text from Alisha. I bolted upright in bed and opened my phone. “Hey, can I ask you something?” It read. Why didn’t I stay up? I hated myself for a moment, then I looked at the time stamp. 4:32 am. I wouldn’t have been awake anyway, but I felt terrible because I felt like I was the reason she was up that late. Of course, Alisha was always one to stay up late. I, on the other hand, was much more sensible, usually going to bed by 11:00 or 11:30. I texted her back “Of course. Whats up?”. I sat and waited for a minute. Nothing. I felt the tears coming back. Then, a text from Mick came in: “How ya feeling?” Not great. I send him the crying emoji and the puking emoji. “That good, huh? Want me to come?” Theres that reliability again.

“No, I’ll be ok. Thanks though.”

“Anytime, and I’m still here if you need.” I don’t need to reply to this one, Mick and I are very low communication type of friends. I flip back to my chat with Alisha. Still nothing. Then the text bubbles appear, and disappear again. I wait, but they don’t reappear. More tears. I fling my phone across my bed, watching it bounce and then land on the pillow. My sister comes in. I hadn’t seen her since yesterday morning. She understands what goes on in my house better than anyone, even Mick. I guess Mom told her what happened because she didn’t say anything, she just came over and sat with me.

“Was it because of them?”

I nodded. Again, unable to speak.

“You shouldn’t let Mom and Dad dictate your life. I know theres a lot they have control over, Jess, but not this. They don’t get to decide who you love.” She was always more independent than I am, and even though she didn’t quite have this exact problem, she understood. I loved her for that. I gave her a smile and she kissed me on the cheek and left. I felt a vibration through my bed. I sat up and flipped over my phone, Alisha had finally texted. “Sorry. I just need to know why…Did I do something?” I was in shock. I can’t believe I didn’t even tell her why. I am such a horrible person.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t you at all. It was -“ I hesitated. I felt stupid. It was still a dumb reason. “It was because of my parents. And I feel so stupid. I shouldn’t let them control my life.” My finger hovered over the send button, and eventually it fell. My stomach dropped.

“So, what are you saying?” She replied, almost immediately.

“I’m saying that” I sent that first, that way I couldn’t back out of it. “I’m sorry, and it was a huge mistake.”

My phone started buzzing, she was calling me. I took a deep breath and tried to make it sound like I wasn’t crying. God knows why, but I did.

“Hi.” I exhaled

“Hi.” She replied. “Sorry to call. It’s just-“

“You hate texting, I know.” I finished for her. After all, I did know her very well, we had been friends for four years and dated for two of them.

“So, look. I know you and your parents have a rough relationship, but I just don’t understand why you broke up with me.”

“Like I said, it was stupid. I just felt like, I don’t know, they were starting to resent me for our relationship.”

“Oh. Well, how did you feel?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I felt like you were one of the best things that ever happened to me.” There was no reply, so I continued, “And I feel like and idiot for ending things with you.” I waited.

“Jess, I-I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know what to say.”

“I get that. I know you’re probably mad at me. I get it if you never want to see me again.”

“No. I don’t want that. I want the opposite, but how can I know that you won’t do this to me again?”

“You don’t, but I can make a promise to you that I have seen the error in my ways, and if you want me back, I’m yours, with the promise that this wont happen again.”

“The point is, Jess, that if you didn’t want to end it you shouldn’t have." “I know! I know I shouldn’t have. So, of course I want you back, but if that’s not what you want then I completely understand.”

“Give me some time to think.”

“Of course!”

“Ok… Bye.”

“Bye.” There was a moment while neither of us hung up and I could hear her take a couple breaths in, then the line disconnected. I took a deep breath and felt, renewed? I just hoped she would understand that I knew how much of an idiot I was and that I never wanted to hurt her like this again.

The next day, Alisha texted me asking if we could meet for coffee. I replied right away. “3 at our spot?” She asked. “Sounds good.” I replied. I looked at the clock, 1:43pm. Only another hour to wait, I quickly hopped in the shower and then picked out my bright yellow top and paired it with my solid light blue palazzo pants. Alisha always talked about how much she loved this shirt. I put on my makeup and got in my car and drove to Liz’s Coffee House. This was “our spot”, where we had our first real date, all our hangouts, we went here all the time. I got there and checked my phone. 2:54pm. Perfect. I went in and walked towards our usual table, Alisha was already sitting there, she clearly made as much of an effort as I had. Her hair was down, the way I liked it best, and she was wearing her green off the shoulder shirt and black shorts. God, she was hot. I sat down and she pushed a coffee cup towards me. “I got you your usual.”

“Thanks.” I blushed, half surprised she did that, but then remembering Alisha, feeling more surprised that I was surprised she did that. “So,” I opened

“So.” She let it hang in the air for a minute. “I still like you.” “I still like you too.” I couldn’t meet her gaze, but I felt it on me.

“Then, as long as you follow through on your promise and don’t do anything stupid again…” I managed to look up at her.

“You have my word.” I giggled

“Good. Then we’re good.” She beamed. I let out a sigh and beamed back at her.

So, Alisha and I kept dating. In my head, it was just a few more months but Alisha said that she felt like it was a few more months she could spend with a girl she had the most fun she’d ever had in her life with, and I had to agree. So, a few more months until we would have to say goodbye again. We weren’t thinking about that, though. We were just focusing on us and now.

[danceworshipper]

Since it's pride month and a lot of people seem to be doing this, I thought I'd share my headcanons for the hphm characters' sexualities. Many people have views that differ from mine, so I'm interested to see if anyone agrees with me. (long post)

Merula was the first character that, upon meeting, I knew immediately. She's very clearly a lesbian to me, though after interacting with her more, I added on a demi aspect to her. She finds girls attractive and beautiful, but crushes are hard for her to have and sexual feelings toward them are even harder, though they do come eventually. Her supposed crush on Jacob in the game is stupid and I'm ignoring it entirely.

Rowan took longer to figure out, especially deciding that male and female would be different. In one of my universes, they exist at the same time, so I felt like they shouldn't be the same. In the end, I decided that male Rowan would be gay (the Bill attraction was very obvious) and female Rowan would be bi, because she was still attracted to Bill but her and a female mc had a lot of chemistry too.

Ben was easy for me. Ben I feel is straight, completely straight, never even questioned it. I know a lot of people feel differently, but he's never given me any sort of gay vibes, and during year six (my main mc is a girl) when he starts needing to be a "protector" he came off as one of those "nice guys" which made me decide that yes, he is straight and he sucks and I hate him.

Penny actually changed semi-recently when Quidditch dropped. I had always seen her as mostly straight with maybe a bicurious aspect, but then seeing her obvious crush on Skye zipped her into full bisexual territory. I do feel like she still has attraction to guys, and in one universe she ends up with my male mc, but the girl side became very apparent very quickly and I liked it.

Bill is bi to me. He was bi from the first moment he was introduced in the books - in fact, until Fleur came along, I was leaning towards gay for him. In the game he gives off more straight vibes, but even then I can see him trying to banish the gay thoughts before figuring out that he can be attracted to both. Bad taste though, I mean Emily Tyler? Really?

Charlie is not aroace to me, and he never has been. I know that's a widely accepted headcanon but I really can't see it. He seems more the type to bury his feelings away and never act on them unless the girl figures it out and acts for him, since I see him rather shy in that regard. I think he's straight but nervous, perhaps a late bloomer like me (I was never attracted to anyone until I was 12, much later than anyone I know).

Ismelda I feel is also straight. She was a pretty easy decision after the Crushed side quest, because I never thought about her very much before so I just accepted the straightness without question. It could have been cool for her to be lesbian and to have mc help her accept herself, but that's not the way the game went and I don't feel like coming up with an excuse as to why she would be so obsessed with Barnaby if she was gay.

Barnaby, likewise, is straight, though at one point he decided to figure out if guys were on the table too. They weren't, but he's glad he gave it a chance. Unlike Ben, even though Barnaby is tough and wants to protect people, he doesn't give me "nice guy" vibes, instead giving off "genuinely nice guy" vibes. He's a very strong ally and never judges anyone on who they love.

Andre is gay as hell. I know the whole gays into fashion thing is a stereotype, but Andre fits it so well that I have to roll with it. I also think that he tried to pretend he wasn't gay because he knew about the stereotype and hated it, but later on realized that it didn't matter if he was a stereotype or not. He was who he was and there was no point trying to change it.

Talbott, like Penny, had a change somewhere along the way. From his first appearance, I pinned him down as straight, but after interacting with him more, an asexualness became pretty apparent to me. He has romantic attraction toward girls, but he's pretty happy never doing anything sexual ever. Cuddles are wonderful, though. Poor touched starved boy.

Chiara I feel is pansexual. I wanted to keep her straight, but after she became an official friend and we got to see more of her, that just wasn't possible. She very clearly has a big heart and I can no longer see her as straight. Pansexuality seemed better than bi in her case because I can see her loving based on personality with the physical attraction not mattering as much.

Tulip is someone that I had a hard time deciding on. She gives off strong lesbian vibes but also very strong straight vibes. The obvious solution here would be to make her bi or pan, but those didn't feel right. I felt as though she was someone who had to be one or the other. In the end, I made her both - in some universes she's a lesbian, and in some she's straight. Either way, she's very vocal about who she likes so if she has a crush on you, you'll know.

Tonks was tough. I really wanted to make her anything other than straight, but nothing fit her. In the end, I gave in and made her "straight". The quotation marks are because she likes guys, but she ends up being pretty androgynous and doesn't care what pronouns anyone uses for her. Plenty of people she works with as an Auror use male pronouns, and Tonks is perfectly fine with it. Sometimes, she even changes her voice to sound more masculine.

Diego was very, very easy. The first two words that popped into my head when I met him were "horny bastard" and the feeling still sticks, which translates into him being pan. Girl? Boy? Neither? Both? Doesn't matter. He's single and desperate to mingle.

Jae was gay to me for a long time, but then when I created Quinn ( @pixiefreakquinn ) he was the only one I could see her having chemistry with. This was a very annoying little dilemma for a while, but in the end, he became very similar to myself, only inverted: he's bi, but he's way more into guys than girls. He's so much more into guys that it could be easy to mistake him for gay, and even he sometimes thinks he might be, but then there's a certain girl that he ends up being into and he's bi again.

Badeea struck me as someone that would be interesting to make gay, but as much as that could have been fun, I can't see her that way. Perhaps like Barnaby she gave it a chance, and it didn't work out. She likes guys, but she's comfortable in her sexuality and is able to recognize when a girl is attractive without worrying someone will think she's gay. She's someone who doesn't care what people think of her.

Liz is my aroace out of them all. She strikes me as someone who faked having crushes on boys to try and fit in, even though she never liked any of them. She wondered if maybe she was a lesbian, but she never had any crushes on any girls either. As she got older she cared less and less on why she never liked anyone like that and eventually she forgot attraction was supposed to be a thing she experienced. She's that cool aunt that brings weird gifts and tells stories from her various "vacations".

Orion feels pretty straight to me. Again, he's someone who could have been interesting to make gay, but he doesn't feel like he could be. He's an ally, and has been even before he really knew what gay meant. In his first years on the Quidditch team, one on the older kids was gay and when they got picked on for it, Orion defended them without hesitation, because his team is his family. He could figure out what gay was later.

Skye was going to be straight until I ended up shipping her with Penny despite hating her. However, I also love the idea of Penny having a huge crush but Skye just doesn't feel that way. So like Tulip, she's different in different universes. In some, she's a lesbian and with Penny, and in some, she's straight and stomps on Penny's heart.

Murphy I feel is bi. I love the idea of him and male Rowan pining for each other and being oblivious, but I can also see him with a girl. At first, he tried to ignore his attraction to boys because that would just be another way he would be different, but after he became the commentator and made some good friends his confidence grew and he stopped trying to fit in.

Erika is lesbian to me, though that might have been influenced partly from me thinking "yeah she could step on me". I tried to give her being straight a chance, but the big strong sports lesbian idea appealed to me way too much. Plus, it fits with her whole attitude of "defy me and get destroyed". Maybe that's why she and Andre end up being friends even if they're on different Quidditch teams - they recognized the gay in each other subconsciously.

And very quickly, my mcs:

Gracie Chiva: bi

Tessa Chiva: straight

Sarah Etsysa: lesbian

Oliver Adams: pan

Liam Disteel: straight

Quinn: bicurious, ends up straight

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

how can I deal with the fear of coming out to my family and they reacting in a way that hurts me ? like I'm afraid of what my mum will say, I'm a lesbian and my little sister is bi and she says "supports" lgbt but I think it's just for "other people~" and she believes a lot of harmful stereotypes and tries to teach me things about the community, she believes that every relationship has a men and a woman no matter if it's a gay relationship and corrects me all the time when she knows I did a lot of research, but idk, I don't act as straight as I can to please everyone, I just act the way I want and already told her things like "I like girls" "when I get a girlfriend..." but she just answers and tells me that I am so confused and explains why am I confused and then she keeps on asking about boys and I know she wants me to someday get married to a man and be pregnant and have kids and live a perfect straight life marrying in the church and I'm sad bc I can't do that, I'm afraid of her don't liking me anymore or saying mean things to me or never believing my true self :(( what should I do to worry less about this and feel better ?

There is not one thing you can do or say or think that will suddenly make this prospect seem alright and less scary. Being queer in a conservative and less-than-supportive family sucks. It’s tough. It’s painful. And everyone deals with it differently.

Maybe your mother and family will get around to become more understanding and accepting. And the fact that both you and your sister are queer might actually help with that. It could also just help you and your sis to have each other for support and I would strongly advice you two stick together and support each other.

Now, I assume from your message that you still live with your family and that you’re a minor. So how you proceed from here atm is a decision I cannot make for you. Do you think coming out explicitly can end up being dangerous? Would your mother kick you out? Then do what’s necessary to keep yourself safe and at the same time think up a plan how to get out of this situation as soon as you are an adult (maybe your and your sis can move out together at some point).

But if you know it would definitely not get this extreme then you have to decide how much energy you want to invest in this struggle right now. Do you want to argue with your mother? You have every right to, imo, but it’s your choice to make if you think it’s worth it or not.

Technically you already came out to her, even if you didn’t explicitly use the word “lesbian”. So far she seems to be ignoring that but she’s choosing to ignore that and you could push her in corner where she cannot ignore it anymore and you can try to demand acceptance from her. It’s her choice if she wants to be a good parent or if she wants to alienate her queer kids and risk losing them forever.

But I’m not saying any of that is easy. It’s not.

BUT! It’ll get better one day. At least for you. If you family will survive this, I can’t promise and you may end up having a very broken relationship with your mother. But you will get out of this and you will have your own life and have friends and a chosen family who accept you as you are. So hold on to that and remind yourself that it’ll get better, that other people aren’t as bigoted and obnoxiously homophobic as your mother.

Maddie

[inuykago]

lady friends?

inuyasha pride month 2020 ::

day 2 - lesbian + day 10 - kagome

thinkin of kagome and sango together makes my heart flutter. please accept this one shot I wrote for pride month ヽ(^◇^*)/

inspired by dailyau prompt:

I thought I just didn’t like relationships but turns out I’m actually super gay AU 

for reference! kagome inspo. sango inspo.

{kagsan. modern college au. 3,050 words. ff.net / ao3.}

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I hate college.

The classes are dragging, professors don’t care about study guides or reviews (do they want me to fail?), and, to top it all off, I’m alone.

Not that I can’t be by myself, but there’s friend groups here, friend groups there, a couple right next to me, and all of them look at me like, “Poor freshman, why doesn’t she have anybody?”

Well, everybody, I do have people! There’s Ayumi, Eri, and Yuka … but, I chose a different college than them…

Yeah, they all stuck together… B-But we still talk every day in our “Gal Pals 💕” group chat. Well, they do understand each other more than I do… since I’m out here by myself… but it’s fine.

I’m fine.

“Ms. Higurashi!” I snapped out of my thoughts, releasing my pen from my bite. Uh oh, did he notice I wasn’t paying attention?

“Y-Yes professor?”

The man crossed his arms as he gripped the smartboard marker, “Since it looks like you’re thinking so hard-” I really wasn’t “-can you name me some baroque-style paintings?”

“Of course,” I had to act confident. “Well, there’s the one painted by…” Shit, did we even learn a baroque painter? “Uh…”

Riiiinnnnggg!

“Hmm, saved by the bell,” he said.  

Thank God.

I rushed to close my pink laptop and carelessly dropped it into my yellow bookbag. I refused to give my professor a chance to pull me aside after class because (1) I know I’m not a bad student (so please don’t talk to me like I’m one) and (2) I may have a heart attack if he tries to say otherwise.

As I got up, something knocked me in the head.

“?????” is basically what I said to myself as I bent down to pick up the crumbled piece of paper. “Are we in middle school?” I rolled my eyes and straightened it out.

PARTY AT INUYASHA’S DORM-

“Oi!” a guy shouted as he and another ran up beside me. “S-Sorry, that wasn’t…. Uh…. meant for you.”

Of course it wasn’t.

“No worries,” I smiled, handing back the middle-school note. Honestly, me? Party? Yeah right.

“Say, this invitation doesn’t have to go to waste,” said the guy from behind. His short ponytail, bangs, and gold earrings distracted me for a second. “Hmm…,” he looked at me from head to toe. “Well, you’re just as pretty as the girl we were trying to give it to,” he gave me a smirk that made me uncomfortable. “See you there,” he threw his arm around me and squeezed me.

Should I elbow or kick him?

Well, he’s gone already. Perv.

Finally getting out of that classroom, I minded my business walking through the crowded hallway. I guess let me take another look at this oh-so wonderful invitation:

PARTY AT INUYASHA’S DORM

10 P.M., BRONISLAW HALL

PLEASE BRING LADY FRIENDS 😉

Yeah, I was right. He’s probably a perv.

The next day…

“How is it already 7 p.m.?” I rubbed my eyes, waking up from a long-needed nap.

Those two tests today really killed me, I guess. I’m just not cut out for history nor business marketing.

I sat up from my bed and looked at the empty other side of the room. My roommate never moved in. I don’t know if I should be happy or feel even more lonely??

“Ah well,” I shrugged.

I could see the sharpie-written note “PARTY AT INUYASHA’S” on my cluttered desk. “PLEASE BRING LADY FRIENDS” was ringing in my ear for whatever reason.

“Should I even go?” I asked myself. Well, when in doubt, turn to the Girls.

[ Groupchat: Gal Pals 💕 ]:

Ladies!!! I need help 😩

Ayumi 💛

Anything for my kags!!

Eri 💓

Spill!!

Yuka 💜

👀👀

Sooo I was kind of (???) invited

to this party on campus. Was told to bring lady friends.

Can any of my lady friends plsssss join me??

Eri 💓

Any cute boys?

Ayumi 💛

^^^^^^

Yuka 💜  

^^^^^^^^^^^^

Ehhhhhh, i don’t know. Probably??

Yuka 💜

I wish you told us sooner kags :/ … we’re going

to a party tonight too

Aahhh, no worries! It cant be helped.

Have fun gals, pls be safe 🥺 and

someone please keep an eye on eri…

you know how she is drunk 🙄

Ayumi 💛

You got it mom

Eri 💓

*rolling eyes gif*

😘😘

Well, there’s my answer to that, I guess.

(THE LAST FOUR HOURS BEFORE THE PARTY:1

7:37 P.M.

-- Kagome binging Maid Sama on Netflix, wrapped in a blanket, eating popcorn --

Yeah… I’m not going.

8:37 P.M.

-- Kagome watching The Notebook, crying, on her couch --

I [sniffle] just want [sigh] love.

9:37 P.M.

-- Kagome lip syncing to “I’ll Kill You” by Summer Walker ft. Jhene Aiko, wearing her rose gold beats --

🎶 Dooon’t, have me lookin’ foolish, dooon’t, have me lookin’ stuupid 🎶

10:37 P.M.

-- Kagome, bored, scrolling on Instagram --

Eh. Whatever, I’ll go.

END:1 )

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Ah, the smell of booze and desperate boys. So this is college life.

Inuyasha’s place was a four-man dorm. There had to be like 40 to 50 people here already, and I’ve never seen any of them before. Yay, Kagome.

The music was pounding and all I could see were guys on girls, girls on guys, and, the occasional, girl on girl action. I shoved my way through the sea of people, eventually getting some breathable room near the small table in the corner that had Hennessy, Tequila, and Bacardi Rum.

Well, if I’m choosing my poison, tequila and sprite it is.

“Keh, Tequila and sprite?” I turned around because who the hell was talking to me? “I like your taste.”

His fluff white, silver hair was one of the few things that stood out in the near-complete darkness. He sipped his (henny and coke?) drink and leaned on the table, eying me up and down. Is that all boys do?

"I’m Inuyasha,” he smirked, taking another sip and fixing his backwards red dad hat. “If you didn’t know that already.”

Why did I decide to come again?

“Thanks for the housewarming,” I mouthed sarcastically. “But the bathroom is calling my name so-” I nodded my head to the side and shuffled to anywhere but there. But before I could even move --

“Oi, you don’t wanna talk a bit? Get to know each other?” he put his hand on my wrist. Why do they keep thinking they can touch me?!

I ripped out of his light hold, “Sorry, not interested.”

“W-Why you--”

“Inuyasha!” great, reinforcements. “There you are, have you seen all these ladies?! I’m so h-” oh even better, it’s the Perv No. 1. “Ah! You came,” he nudged Perv No. 2. “I knew you wanted to see me again.”

“As if,” I rolled my eyes. “Now, unless you want me to urinate on your floor,” I raised my glass and gave a sarcastic smile. Jeez, I really wasn’t wrong about the desperate boys.

The two bozos stepped in my way again as if I wasn’t cornered already (think: lap dances to my right; twerking to my left; beer pong behind me). And this is why I prefer my books and Netflix.

“If you think I find this flattering,” I raised my brow, sipping my drink. “I don’t.”

“Feisty,” Inuyasha nodded his head and Perv No. 1 did that weird smile again.

Should I kick them? I should kick them.

Before I could Inuyasha began to lean in, “Yeah alright, woman, suuure you will.”

“LEAVE MY GIRLFRIEND ALONE, YOU DICKS”

Eh?

“Ah, shit, Sango,” Inuyasha awkwardly scratched his neck. “You got a girlfriend already? Jeez woman.”

Perv No. 1’s mouth practically dropped to the floor, “W-What??? This goddess has a girlfriend??” he hung his head in disappointment. God bless this “Sango” chick. “Inuyasha, why didn’t you tell me?? SHE was the one I was trying to invite but then--” he eyed me in disappoint “--well we got her.”

“Excuse me?” Men.

“I got it, sweetie,” she winked and rubbed my cheek. God, why is my heart pounding? “I see either of you talk to her again and I’m ripping lil’ tweedledee and tweedledum off of you, ‘kay?”

She held my hand. Is my palm sweaty? A-Am I doing this right??

Inuyasha rolled his eyes, snatched his drink, and dragged Perv No. 1 away, whose mouth was still on the ground, “Whatever. C’mon, Miroku, the night ain’t over yet.”

“T-Thanks for saving me,” wow, she’s kinda cute.

She smiled and squeezed my hand. I didn’t mind this at all… but why is that?

“Of course, us girls gotta look out for each other, right?”

I felt myself get warm, and frankly I wasn’t sure if it was the tequila or because I was blushing. For the first time ever, I didn’t know what to say. Like, I was afraid of saying something weird and creeping her out… why is that?

“I hate guys,” she tightened her thick ponytail. “They think they’re so big and tough.”

“R-Right?!” we both laughed, and I could feel myself getting giggly. Was it the alcohol? Yeah, Kagome, of course it is.

She made herself a drink: rum and coke. She took a sip and I found myself staring at her, jeez I have to say something before I creep her out--

“So, where’s your friends?”

I snapped out of my thoughts, “Oh, they couldn’t make it… Kinda chose to come here last minute.”

She shifted her weight onto one leg, whew I really like her outfit. “Came to a back-to-school college party by yourself?” she nodded in approval. “I was wrong, you do have guts,” she sipped her drink, her lip gloss staining the red cup. “I like that.”

Uh oh, there goes my heart again. Think, Kagome, say something, be cute. Be cute. “I’m Kagome by the way.” Really, that’s it?

“Sango,” she held out her cup and I met it with mine. We both laughed again.

When our giggles died down it looked like a light bulb turned on inside her head. “Let’s go have fun!” she threw down her drink and interlocked her hand with one of mine.

?!?!??!?!??!!?! is what I yelled in my head and, sweet Jesus, there goes my heart. I shouldn’t have watched The Notebook earlier.

Sango dragged me and I couldn’t stop the fuzzy feeling. We were inside of the makeshift dance floor -- how can anyone enjoy this body heat?! -- and she just started going.

“La Romana” by Bad Bunny made the house speakers -- and just about everyone, including Sango -- jump. Her body was moving to the beats as she shouted the lyrics into the air.

I was trying to let my body loose like her, but sheesh I couldn’t keep up!

🎶 PASAME LA HOOKAH, EH! 🎶

She chugged the rest of her drink and so did I. I think I need more liquid confidence.

Four drinks later…

“Are you having fun?!” Sango yelled in my ear, laying her hand on my back, trying to bring me closer. I may be a bit drunk at this point, but I know I can feel my heart pounding again.

“Yes!!” I giggled into her ear, moving my hips to the fast beat. I don’t even know what song is playing, but my body is going with it.

🎶 IF THEM BITCHES ‘ROUND YOU, BETTER BE BLOOOD

IF AIN’T ME OR YOUR MAMA, SHOULDN’T BE SHOWIN’ YOU LOVEE

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, I KNOOOW THAT I’M STINGY 🎶

“IS THIS?!-” my eyes widened in excitement, the song still in the background.

“SUMMER WALKER?!” Sango pushed her face near mine. If I wasn’t so excited about the song I’d probably be fainting right now.

“AND JHENE AIKO??” we exclaimed in unison.

We both immediately closed our eyes and put our hands to our chests, literally singing our hearts out to “I’ll Kill You,” aka my favorite song.

For the first time at the party, I felt like myself. My hopeless-romantic-who-couldn’t-sing-but-adores-r&b self. I don’t know if it’s the fifth cup of tequila and sprite, the Goddess Summer Walker, or Sango looking so dang attractive that’s making me feel bubbly, but I just… let loose.

🗣I BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR A LOOOOVE LIKE THIS

I BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR A LOOOOOVE LIKE THIS

“Ka-go-me!” Sango shouted as she smiled at me, nodding her head in approval.

I want to serenade her… Yes, Kagome, let’s serenade her.  

🗣FUCK THAT MY BABY YOU ALLL MINE

GREATEST OF ALL TIME

YOU BETTER TELL THEM HOES, “FALL IN LINE”

I DO NOT PLAY ABOUT MINE

My voice is as angelic as Jhene right now. My arms -- with my near-empty sixth drink -- are wrapped around Sango’s neck and she’s smiling so big; I don’t know how my arms ended up here, but I… don’t want to let go.

I should keep going. Yes, keep going.

🎶I WANT YOU FOR LIIIFFFEEEE

DOOONTT, HAVE ME LOOKIN’ FOOLISH

DOOOONTT, HAVE ME FEELIN’ STUPID

Sango ran her fingers through my hair and just kept on giggling. “Okay, Ms. Jhene, let’s get out of here.”

“W-What?!” I let go of my grip. “W-Why are we l-leaving?” my words felt like it wasn’t coming fast enough out of my mouth. “T-The party j-justed start-ted!” I went for a last sip but she grabbed it so fast from my hand.

“H-Hey!” I tried to snatch it back but she was too damn fast. She’s lucky she’s cute.

Sango put down the cup on the corner table. She moved a piece of hair out of my face, “You’re suuuuuper drunk.” She laughed at me, making me even more flustered.

“I-I am n-not!”

“Do you realize how slurred your words are right now?” They are not. “Come on,” she lightly grabbed my hand. “Time for bed, princess.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

I don’t know how I ended up back in my dorm room, but I did. And I don’t remember even falling asleep, but I did.

I slowly opened my eyes and just felt the room spinning. Jeez, I’m such a lightweight.

I held my head as I rose up; it was still dark outside and my wall lights were still shining a bright pink. Water… I need water.

“Woah, woah!” Sango said as she rushed to the ride of my bed with a glass of water. She has to be heaven-sent.

“Wow, it’s like you read my mind,” I laughed, taking the cup from her hand. “Thank you.”

She smiled as she pulled out my desk chair beside the bed, “Of course.” But then she looked at me and started laughing.

“What’s so funny?!” I nervously asked. What did I do? I hope I wasn’t too drunk because then I start… singing…

“You don’t remember what happened an hour ago?” I looked at her blankly. “At Inuyasha’s?”

“Ehhh,” I put my finger to my chin, thinking rather hard. “You saved me from the two Pervs, didn’t you?”

She giggled with her eyes closed, revealing her pink eyeshadow. I love that.

“Let me refresh your memory,” I don’t like where this was going.

🗣FUCK THAT MY BABY YOU ALLL MINE

GREATEST OF ALL TIME

YOU BETTER TELL THEM HOES, “FALL IN LINE”

I DO NOT PLAY ABOUT MINE

“No…”

“Yes.”

“...N-No…”

“Yes!” she chuckled, holding her stomach while I covered my face.

“I-I’m soooo sorry!” Jesus, she definitely thinks I’m weird now. “When I’m drunk I think I sound like Jhene Aiko… she’s just too powerful...”

“Yeah, I see that,” she pretended to wipe tears from her eyes. “But oh please, don’t apologize. It was so cute.”

“C-Cute?!” I accidentally yelled out loud. I immediately covered my mouth.

“Yeah, you’re so adorable,” Sango smiled. “When I saw you at the party today, I knew I wanted to talk to you. So I just went up to you and then I saw douchebag Inuyasha and his little henchman… It was only natural for me to chase them away,” she shrugged.

She knows she got it. I like that.

“Thank God you stepped in. I was really about to kick those guys in the hoohas.”

“The hoohas?” She just kept on laughing. I loved seeing her smile, whew. “You’re so cute.”

We both continued giggling because, let’s face it, I have no idea what I’m doing, saying, or hell, what I’m feeling.

“So, no friends with you tonight,” I shook my head. “How about your boyfriend?”

I shyly smiled, “Nope, don’t have one of those either… Never did.”

“Really?” Sango’s eyebrow propped upwards. “Same here.”

“What? No way!” I tried calling her out.  

Sango giggled, “How can I when girls like you are so pretty?” Oh God, did my heart just stop working? “Ah, wait, that was weird,” she scratched her neck, chuckling nervously. “Now I feel like a Perv like Inuyasha and Miroku.”

“No,” I protested. “Not at all.”

Sango looked like she felt she crossed a line. She really didn’t. In fact, she helped me realize something.

“It looks like you’re sobering up now,” she smirked. “I’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for partying with me tonight,” she blew me a flirty-but-i’m-trying-to-not-be-an-obvious-flirt kiss as she got up.

“Wait!” I didn’t want her to go. “Can you actually… stay with me? I’m here by myself, and I really like being with you.”

Sango looked at me relieved, “Of course.”

I moved more towards the wall to motion her to lay next to me. She kept looking at me and I knew my cheeks were already red, so I tried to look away. Her weight slightly pressed the bed down, but we fit. Perfectly.

I began to think back to my past “relationships” with Hojo, Koga, and Bankotsu. None of them ever worked out for me because I hated it. I hated relationships. I hate cuddling, the affection, the over-protection. But now I know, it was because I wasn’t with the right person.

“Sango?” I turned my body towards her.

“Yes, princess?” she smiled sarcastically.

I giggled, I couldn’t let this opportunity fly by me. I’m going to go for it.

I leaned in 100% for the kiss. Her lips were so soft that I realized her lip gloss was already all gone. I felt her kiss me back and honestly? fireworks. I never felt like this before.

She smiled mid-smooch, “So you do have guts.”

[oskarwing]

TUA Percy Jackson AU

Just me having the need to combine Fandoms. These are just my very chaotic thoughts in no order. Also I might write a fic to this one day...

Note: Even though I don’t mention it for everyone specifically just where it seems to fit because this post will be really long already they all have ADHD and dyslexia because that comes with being a demigod in the Percy Jackson universe.

Luther and Five were the first of the seven to come to Camp Half Blood Hill. They are children of Hephaestus and a male engineer.

Luther spend his earlier childhood trying to impress his human father by working hard in school and trying to get as good as him but the human Dad never quiet came over suddenly having to take care of two children that suddenly showed up in front of his door with a note from the dude he had dated for a while saying that those were their biological children.  

At eight years old Five decided to run away and Luther couldn’t let him go alone. 

Luther has their godly father’s craftsmanship talents which he mostly uses to build his model spaceships and sometimes trying to make more functional ones he also gets pretty good at sculpturing.

Five is good at building things too of course but he’s also one of the children of Hephaestus who have pyrokinesis-powers (I know that is super rare but ssshhhhh) 

While they were running away from monsters Five lost control of his fire and he accidentally burned Luther who will always have scars from this and also restricted movement in his left hand (he is still good with building but it takes him a lot longer and he sometimes needs to ask Five for help)

While he was recovering he dreamed about Hephaestus and his father showed him his deformities and tried to make it easier for his son (I know gods generally don’t care but he can relate and also Luther is a tiny eight-year-old still at that point.)

Five obviously feels immense guilt over this. He was just scared and of the monsters and wanted to burn them like he did with some of the others but instead he got his twin! 

He helps Luther as good as he can though. In the beginning when Luther still had a hard time he’d cut his food for him. 

And nobody, not a soul, not anyone in the whole camp would ever dare to make fun of Luther. Not when his twin is standing behind him with eyes surprisingly icy for someone with fire powers. 

They will try twice to go back home to their father.

Once when they are ten and want to maybe see if it was so bad after all. 

And once when they are starting highschool and want to give normal life a shot. 

The first time engineer human daddy made constant remarks about Luther’s scars. Both of how bad they looked and how it made him a little more clumsy because of how badly his left hand was burned. 

He also like implied that he thought Five did it intentional. That was one of the few times Luther had to comfort Five while he was crying. Though he was crying too.

That stay didn’t last more than two days and they were on a bus back to camp. 

The second time their human father was nicer. He had a new boyfriend and a dog and seemed genuinely apologetic. Though after how he had behaved neither of the twins accepted those apologies. 

He didn’t know how to talk to them still.

There was too much between the three of them and it seemed awkward. 

 In the end it was a drakon attacking all of them that made the twins decide that this wasn’t their place. 

Their father told them that he’d keep their rooms always ready for them to stay when he saw them off. 

There weren’t any ‘I love you’s but that dog? The dog of the new boyfriend? She was a female dog and she had puppies in the time they were there. One of those dogs really loved Five. 

And Five loved him.

And that’s the story how the Hephaestus-cabin got a tiny mascot named Mr Pennycrumb.

Klaus comes to the camp a year after the twins. He’s thirteen. 

His godly parent is Hermes. 

His mother had a big green VW trailer when he was little. One with which they traveled through the whole country staying wherever they seemed fit. 

They lived in the back cuddled together on the bed. Klaus will still say that was the best time of his life. 

It was also his mothers way of trying to protect him from monster. She hoped if they kept going they wouldn’t be to easy to find.

But then she got attacked and killed by a monster anyway and Klaus was handed through the foster system where he was also declared as crazy for how he described his mother’s death.

He went to countless therapists over the years. 

Until he got found by a Satyr who brought him to camp. 

He quickly joined in with the pranks some of his half-siblings did. 

Also he became one of the children of Hermes who smuggle in all the good forbidden stuff the campers need and desire. 

He’s quiet great at stealing as well. 

Somehow he always gets Luther to build things for his pranks without Luther knowing what they are for. 

“What do you need a pieform with a lever system that is remote controlled for?” “Oh, you know, I just wanted to give that harpy on the tree some pie and I can’t throw that high.” “Aw. That’s so nice of you!” 

The pie ends up in the face of a surprised Ares-child. 

Klaus is cackling in safe distance. 

Since he has no other place to go he stays in the camp year round.

Third to join was Allison, only a few months after Klaus at age 15

She’s the daughter of Aphrodite and an artist. 

Her father was bewitched by Aphrodite’s beauty and he has a portrait of her.

When she was little Allison spend hours in front of that portrait just staring at her mother. 

Her father never once told her about her no matter how many questions she asked only one time when he told her he didn’t like to paint humans and she asked: “What about Mom then?” He answered: “Your mother is entirely different, Allie.” 

Allison got handed from school to school. The schools claiming she was manipulative and somehow always got what she wanted and them only realizing what had happened after it was done.

Her father didn’t put her into therapy though. He just ask her to try her best to stop. 

Allison didn’t really understand how she was doing it though. People just did what she wanted them to.

It’s charmspeak obviously.

When she was attacked by a Cyclops in school though her father thought it was time to get her to camp so she can learn to cope with her demi-godliness

But she mostly only goes in summer and spends her schoolyear with her Dad.

When Diego joins the camp at 14 a week and a bit after Allison he’s this angry boy always starting fights with anyone around him. So naturally everyone assumes he’s just a child of Ares.

But then he gets claimed and to the surprise of everyone... he is...

The son of Apollo.

Everyone’s like “That angry dude is supposed to go in a cabin full of sunshine people??”

And Diego is a little surprised too.

But he is very good at archery as it turns out.

And dancing! Apollo might be the god of music but you gotta know your way around rhythms if you want to be good at dancing!

His human parent actually is a ballet-dancer.

After she found out she was pregnant with Diego she moved in with her good friend Grace. The two of them fell in love before Diego was born.

Yep, Diego is raised by lesbians. Because I say so.

Grace is this friendly soft Mom we know but she’s also the one to teach Diego various martial arts.

 Diego’s biological Mom is this no-funny business stern mother who on the other hand very much loves her son.

She just wants him to succeed in life and with her profession she just learned that you have to be tough to succeed.

Diego ended up in the camp because both of his moms got fed up with getting attacked by various greek monsters all the time.

Well fed up is kind of the wrong word but they wanted to make sure that Diego would be able to defend himself if he was ever in danger and Grace’s teaching don’t help him anymore.

So at the start of the summer they drive him down to camp.

He likes his siblings there.

Though he is concert of one Dave Katz who spends far too much time with that one Hermes kid that can never sit still and he’s not sure if he’s good for him.

Ben comes to camp half a year after Diego with a Satyr. He’s twelve and just radiates sadness seemingly.

 Since he’s staying in the Hermes-cabin for a few days before he gets claimed Klaus tries to cheer him up a little with various dumb jokes. 

He doesn’t laugh once. He does however ask for some books.

It turns out that he with help of his father worked through his severe dyslexia just to read the stories his father read to him himself

His father was a marine biologist and super dork.

Little Ben had this big book about different sea species he used to look through.

He also had one about different mythologies because his Dad was also super interested in that kind of stuff and wants his son to be informed all around.

He basically had books about anything and everything. And his father tried his best to answer any question he had and the questions he couldn’t answer he’d find someone else to answer.

Anyway you probably already know that Ben’s godly parent is Athena.

Surprise!

Once he gets claimed Klaus is like a little sad cause he started to feel really protective of him while he stayed in the Hermes cabin.

But he gets to see him every day anyway so it’s all good.

They still don’t know what’s going on with him though.

The Athena Cabin and Klaus try their best to find out why he’s so sad all the time.

It comes out during the mission he, Klaus and Diego go on.

On one of his research trips Ben’s father was attacked by Cetus. Ben was also on the trip but was able to safe himself though for a while it looked like he was about to drown.

His mother saved him however with a small boat that appeared under him.

As soon as he got to land it transformed into a tiny nutshell. 

Ben has it with him at all times and that’s how he saves Diego and Klaus on that mission telling them that story.

Vanya is who Ben, Klaus and Diego are going on the mission for.

She is this ten-year-old girl in an elite boarding school who for some reasons despite trying her very best always gets in trouble.

The reason is constant monster attacks.

She’s pretty upset about that. She knows her human-father expects the very best from her. And so does she! She has to be the very best!

Her father is a conductor in a high-level orchestrate and he expects his daughter to be a lot better than ordinary.

The boys bring her to camp where she shows off her violin talent.

Diego kinda hopes that she’s an Apollo kid so he can keep an eye on her. Though he’s also somewhat scared of her.

She and Five are instant friends! They sit next to each other at the camp fire listening to the dumb stories Klaus tells or the great ones Allison acts out.

She gets claimed during capture the flag where she wins the flag (with the others help)

Her godly parent is Nike. 

She’s a little scared when she sees what kind of overachievers her siblings are.

Sporty kids, Kids that are great at art or acting or school.

And she’s just little Vanya with her tiny violin and she couldn’t even make first chair in her school’s orchestra.

Soon she learns however that even though her siblings are highly competitive they are deep down very sweet.

She goes back to her father after the first summer ends but pretty soon comes back.

He told her what a disappointment she was. 

Five and Luther have also returned from their Dad by then and they bond over shitty parents.

Klaus is also still there to lift the mood!

And Ben! He joins in with books he read. 

None of them can wait for Diego and Allison to finally join them at the end of the school year.

[firesidefantasy]

cute lesbians running a bookstore together except one is a ghost ft. bitchy customer probably called karen or susan

inspired by the reaction to this post.

shoutout to @livvywrites​ for beta reading for me. she beta reads everything actually i just always forget to mention this so uh... shoutout to the coolest writing buddy ever yeah?

“are you sure you don’t have this in first edition? i think you do. i think you’re just hiding it from me. your kind are... like that, don’t think i’m not aware.”

hazel took a deep breath to maintain her composure. she folded her hands atop one another on the counter and looked the customer in the eye.

“i assure you, ma’am, that we are not currently holding a first edition copy of this book,” hazel said, as calmly as she could manage, “nor are we hiding one from you nor am i behaving in any certain way due to my race.”

the customer glared at her. “can you at least go and check your stock? i walked to get here and i would rather not return home without what i came for.”

can i leave the store for ten minutes to look for a book i know we don’t have. hm... tough question.

“we’re closing in twenty minutes, ma’am. perhaps you would like to come back tomorrow?”

the customer slammed her hands down on the counter. “did you not hear me? go and check your stock or i’ll be leaving a downright crippling yelp review. you millenials, you don’t understand the concept of hard work anymore.”

you wanna fucking bet, lady? you wanna bet?

hazel wanted to punch her, but instead she simply sighed. relenting was easier than a fist fight and the blood stained carpet that came with it. karya was not going to be happy if they almost got shut down again. she wouldn’t be particularly happy about the carpet cleaning bill, either. no - relenting was the proper, professional thing to do. but that didn’t mean she was happy about it.

hazel plastered on the nicest, most fake smile she could muster and stepped away from the counter. “i’ll be right back.”

she scurried up the stairs and stomped off the rest of the way. the door was flung open. it banged loudly against a wall, which was covered in the tackiest wallpaper hazel had ever seen, and sent several books flying onto the floor, which had the tackiest carpet hazel had ever seen. karya floated through a tall stack of books and frowned at the girl, eyeing her up and down rather judgmentally.

“did you punch somebody again? i will be so upset if you punched somebody again, hazel williams.”

hazel flumped down onto a love seat and rubbed her face. “i didn’t fuckin’ punch anybody. damn close, though. fuckin’ bitch.”

karya floated over and sat down beside hazel’s head. she ran her fingers over the girl’s body, a ghost of a touch that hazel swore she could feel, even if she knew deep down she was just making that up. how she ached to actually feel karya’s touch on her skin - but she couldn’t, and she had to accept that. it had been twelve centuries and another fourteen decades, however; hazel figured that accepting it wasn’t something likely to happen this millennia. 

“what happened, darling?”

“don’t call me darling.”

“what happened, shit head?”

hazel grinned and flicked karya’s leg. her finger went through the shimmering, purple limb, drawing a dutiful ow from karya’s lips despite her not feeling a thing. it had made hazel smile every time for the past thousand years, and today, evidently, was no exception.

hazel tried to wipe the smile from her lips as she grumbled on. “this bitch wants a first edition copy of harry potter for her kid. we don’t even sell fuckin’ potter boy, never mind a first edition copy. why the fuck would we have a first edition copy? stupid fuckin’ cunt.”

“woah there,” karya murmured. she soothed her hand over hazel’s face and shushed her. “one of these days, i’m going to start a swear jar. that mouth of yours is going to get you into some deep trouble.”

“didn’t i tell you? it’s fine to call people cunts now,” hazel shrugged. she rolled onto her stomach and nudged her head against the outline of karya’s thigh. “you’ve gotta stop living in the nineteenth century.”

“well i don’t get out much, what can i say?” karya swatted her nose. “i still don’t approve of the swearing. i hope you didn’t use those words with the customer.”

“would i do that?” hazel asked, lightly running her finger along karya’s thigh. she felt a little shock run through her fingers and warm her from the inside out. 

“yes, darling. you’ve done that several times. several times this week.”

“well i’m a changed woman after the starling incident, i promise,” hazel nodded. she sat up with a groan and stretched, cracking her back in such a manner that karya’s form turned brown in disgust.

“get back down there and handle the customer in the dignified and respectful manner we discussed,” karya ordered. she did usually wear the pants in their relationship - even if hazel would forever deny it, and karya hadn’t actually work anything but a dress since 1923. 

“what if i don’t want to?” hazel countered. she crossed her arms over her chest.

karya floated close and pressed her lips to hazel’s forehead. “there are six spiders residing behind that stack of books. if you don’t deal with the customer, they’ll be in your duvet tonight.”

hazel cringed and flipped her middle finger at karya. “you’re evil. pure and utter evil.” she started heading towards the door.

“ah, but you’re leaving,” karya pointed out. “which, more than anything, makes me a pure and utter genius.”

“fuck you,” hazel called. she slammed the door behind her and relished in the sound of more books toppling over.

when she walked back to the counter, the customer was gone.

hazel flipped the open sign to closed and sighed.

good fuckin’ riddance. 

tag list: @livingthelovelylife, @commasinsidequotes, @4kidsopfan, @thatworldinverted, @livvywrites @ravenpuffwriter @the-writer-turned-procrastinator @zevranwrites @lulumajestix @sapphicsyn @crypticsx @worldbuildingwren @dove-actually @igotablankpage​ @booksteastories @heldinhishands @faesongwrites

[avengerscompound]

Home - Chapter 1

Home: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word Count:  1855

Warnings:  Angst, parenthood, sexual manipulation, action, injuries, underage drinking and drug-taking.

Synopsis:  16 Years after the death of Daisy, Steve and Bucky have successfully raised two teenage kids with telepathy. Teens are never easy to live with though. Sarah in particular likes to test boundaries. Now on top of all the usual challenges of parenting, they have to deal with troublemaking demigods, a daughter who just wants to be accepted for who she is and running the Avengers. That’s when the children of other super-powered individuals start going missing.

A/N:  While this is a sequel to Finding Home, the themes and tone are very different and it stands alone as a Stucky as parents fic.

Chapter 1

Bucky pulled the last three sponge cakes from the oven and put them onto cooling racks. There were six in total. The other three were out and cooled already and ready to be assembled into a stack together and be decorated.

Steve came up behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. “You don’t think you’ve gone a little overboard?” He asked, kissing Bucky on the spot just below his ear.

“She’s 16. We have to make a big deal about it, Stevie.” Bucky said turning in his husband’s arms.

Steve tucked Bucky’s hair behind his ear and kissed him. The last 16 years had not been easy. Raising two children was always tough. Add to that they were both enhanced thanks to the super serum that ran both through Steve and Bucky and had also inherited their mother’s telepathic abilities. Abilities that far exceeded those of their mother. That made things harder. The fact their mother had died two weeks after their youngest was born, made it harder still. Being on the run from the law for the first five years of their youngest child’s life didn’t help. Their wanted status only ending when an alien invasion occurred. Well, parenting was difficult.

They’d done it though. Jamie was now 19 and at college. They still didn’t know the depths of his powers. His nature was too calm and sweet to test them the way others might have liked. He had done all the training and they’d taken him in to fight more than once against Steve’s orders. He’d fought well and may have been the reason why they’d been successful one of the times, but he just didn’t have that drive to fight. He would if it was necessary. Otherwise, he just liked playing music and learning. He liked to use his powers to help calm people. To heal them. When he was only eight he’d seen how his mother Daisy had removed the memories of both of them from Tony’s mind and he’d fixed it. Tony had broken down and this little eight-year-old boy had hugged him and soothed him using his mind.

Sarah had just turned 16. She was slightly more of a handful. Still a good kid, they weren’t worried about her turning to the dark side or anything so sinister. She didn’t lack empathy or kindness. She did, however, like to test boundaries and was adamant she would be an avenger. She tested her powers to their limits and took her fight training very seriously. Her powers scared Steve. Partially because in the back of his head the fact those same powers had killed her mother made him sure that one day she’d overreach and that would be the end of Sarah too. Mostly it was just because there didn’t seem to be an outer limit on them. Steve was quite confident that if Sarah wanted to, she could take control of every sentient being on the planet and have them do exactly as she wanted. That made her a target and he hated to admit this, but it made her a threat.

Putting their problems with Tony aside and moving back to the Avenger’s compound had helped. There were so many supers now. As Jamie and Sarah grew and realized they were different, having other people who were different around made that feeling of being a freak less persistent. It also helped Steve and Bucky teach them how to use their powers and when it was appropriate to. The whole ‘it takes a village’ mantra is especially true when your kids can just make you take them out of time out against your will.

“She would have been proud of her,” Bucky said. “She’s got her mom’s stubborn streak.”

Steve ran his thumb along Bucky’s jaw and turned. “I think she got that from all of us, pal.” He started pulling out the ingredients from the pantry to make the frosting. “How did you want this decorated again?”

“Sam’s been calling her mini-cap lately. She keeps saying she’s going to take over the role from you. Maybe the shield?” Bucky suggested.

“She’s not going to want something to do with me on her cake, trust me,” Steve said, laughing. “Hasn’t she been obsessed with that movie ‘The Shining’ lately. It came out while we were frozen, so I don’t know it well, but she keeps saying ‘red rum, red rum’,” He pinched his index and thumb together like they were talking as he said ‘redrum’ mimicking his daughter, “anytime I tell her not to use her abilities. Nat says that’s what that’s from.”

“Oh yeah, I watched that with her. I don’t know how you’d make that a cake. Maybe if you just wrote ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’ over it again and again. She’d probably really like that.” Bucky said.

Steve laughed and shook his head. “Alright then. Leave it to me.”

Sarah stepped into her bathroom and assessed herself in the mirror. She’d taken after her dad in the looks department, blond hair blue eyes. Although her mom had had blue eyes too. And so did her other dad. It was a curse that affected the Rogers family. As did superpowers.

She’d been sparring with Natasha. Natasha had all but retired from the Avengers seven years ago when she and Clint had decided they wanted to start their own family. She did still train recruits though. After the workout, Sarah had just given her she’d said she was quitting that too. She’d said that Sarah needed to spar with Carol from now on.

There was no way that would be a fair fight. Yes, Sarah had super strength and the brain thing. But she wasn’t allowed to use the brain thing in combat training. Whereas Carol could fly and shoot energy blasts, and as far as super strength went, she made Sarah look like a feeble mundy.

It’s not like Natasha couldn’t hold her own anyway. Sarah was definitely going to have a black eye. Her dads would be pissed.

She opened the drawer where she kept her makeup, hoping that some concealer would hide it from them. If not she could always just push that it was fine and they wouldn’t notice. She looked down and came face to face with a box of condoms.

- JAMIE - She pushed into her brother. She could do that no matter where in the world he was. Right now though, he was in his own bedroom writing a book report for college. He was back at the compound for her birthday.

- WHAT? - He returned. The word filling her head.

- WHY ARE THERE CONDOMS IN MY BATHROOM DRAWER? -

The feeling of laughter filled her head and was soon joined by the sound as Jamie strolled into her bathroom. He leaned up against the door frame. Jamie had taken after his biological father most. The strong jaw, and dark hair. Blue eyes again. The Rogers curse. “That was dad.”

“Which dad?” Sarah asked. Jamie showed his sister the image of Steve and she groaned. “Seriously? Why would he do that?”

Jamie couldn’t quite stop laughing. He shook his head and tried to get a hold of himself. “He did it with me too. He’s had the talk right?”

“Yeah, Auntie Nat helped,” Sarah said. “He was a fucking mess. Kept going, ‘you’re going to have these urges’ and ‘feelings down there’. He couldn’t even look me in the eye.”

Jamie burst out laughing again. “Well this is his way of letting you know he trusts your choices and that he wants you to be safe.”

Sarah pushed the drawer closed and went back to assessing her eye in the mirror. “Jokes on him. I’m a lesbian.”

Jamie’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, how can you not know? I think about boobs all the time.” Sarah said.

“I don’t look into your head, Sare,” Jamie answered. “Do the dads know?”

Sarah turned to him and headed back out of the bathroom. “I haven’t told them.” She said throwing herself on the bed.

“Why not? I doubt they’d care. I mean, you have two dads. Two dads who were once also with a woman both at the same time.”

Sarah shuddered. “Gross. Don’t make me think of them having sex.” She said. “Besides, I shouldn’t have to come out. I wouldn’t have to if I was straight. I should be able to just bring a girl home and say ‘this is my girlfriend’ and have them be okay with it or you know, chase them off with the shield and some kind of assault rifle the way they would a guy.”

Jamie sighed and sat down next to his sister. “I guess you make a good point. Do you have a girlfriend though?”

Sarah shook her head. “Have you ever used your powers on a girl when you liked them?”

“Uhh, no, Sarah. There’s a word for that and it starts with r and ends with ape.” Jamie said, punching her in the side. She caught his hand and squeezed his fist until he shook her free again.

“I didn’t mean like that. I mean …” She sighed and rolled onto her stomach hiding her face in a pillow. She said something but Jamie couldn’t understand the muffled words.

“What?” He asked.

“There’s a girl in my class and I like her. A lot. She likes me like that too, but her thoughts are all confused. Like she thinks maybe it’s just a girl crush. That maybe she just doesn’t like boys because the boys she knows are all jerks.” She rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I just want to tell her I like her too and that her feelings are okay to have.”

“Aww look at you.” Jamie teased. “All crushing on someone and not knowing what to do. Guess what, that’s what most people are like.”

Sarah rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but I’m not mundy. I can just tell her, right? Tell her I know?”

“You need to stop calling them mundane, Sarah. It makes you sound like you think you aren’t human. You’re still human.” Jamie scolded.

“They call us supers. What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is you think you’re better than everyone else and you aren’t. You’re just different.” Jamie snapped.

Sarah groaned. “If I wanted a lecture I’d go talk to dad. Help me!”

“I dunno, Sarah. Just tell her you like her. If she doesn’t reciprocate she’s not ready.” Jamie shrugged. “Now, speaking of dad. You totally need to mess with him. You should start taking out condoms from the box. Start with one, and then just keep taking more. He’ll replace them. Then when you have heaps, if he still hasn’t pulled you aside to question you about all the sex you’re having, put them all back in the drawer.”

Sarah cracked up laughing. “I can’t do that to him. He’d have a fucking heart attack.”

“You chicken! Little daddy’s girl.” Jamie teased.

“Yeah well …” She gave him the finger and he left the room laughing.

// NEXT