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pucksalotguys · 4 months ago

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Chapter 9

Masterlist to series

WC: 9K

Back with chapter 9 !! This is where it all goes down and tbh it’s a heavy one. There’s emotions, toxicity, break down of relationships and….an important time jump. If you haven’t read the others chapters I suggest you do so before you read this one. I’m almost done with this series (only one more chapter and an epilogue left) and while I’m sad I’m excited to show you guys the end !! Hope you all enjoy 💙

(If you enjoyed this chapter let me know !! Anon is on for a reason or you can just comment here on the fic 🫶)

Cece suddenly heard a click. Sidney had hung up. She breathed deeply and looked down a her phone, waiting and waiting and until finally his name came up again on her screen “Hey” she whispered “There was a heavy silence on the line, and she could almost hear the gears turning in his head. “Wow. That’s—”

“Yeah, I know it’s a lot, but I wanted to tell you as soon as possible rather than wait” she said softly

“Right… right.” Sidney’s voice became distant, almost strained. “Look, Cece, I—”

“I just thought you should know—” Cece cut him off quickly

“I’m just…..Cece, she knows” he sighed “She knows and….it’s not good”

Her heart stopped for a moment as she sat down and shook her head “I’m sorry, whatever it is….we’ll deal with it. I’m an adult, I know what I took part in. I knew it was wrong and still did it, believe me I know she hates me but whatever it is I’m ready to deal with this with you. We’re in this together”

Sidney sighed “I forgot some stuff at the rink that I need, we can talk more in person later okay ?”

Cece simply rubbed her face as she hung up and waited, she could tell he was annoyed and upset and it made her feel even worse. She reached for the sonograms her doctor had given her and looked through them for a while, standing when she heard a knock and got up to answer it assuming it was Sidney and opened, reeling against the door as she got slapped across the face

“That’s for fucking my husband” Jacqueline panted

She held her cheek as she looked at her, she wanted to talk but no words would come out her mouth. This was her worst nightmare come alive

“What ?” Jacqueline snapped “Nothing to say now ?”

“You wanna talk we can talk, but you will not put you hands on me in my own home” Cece looked at her

“I could end you right now if I wanted to” Jacqueline pushed past her into her apartment “I know you two fucked in Vegas, you are such a fucking whore Cecelia. I was there, my children were there and you did that ?”

Cece shook her head “It…It wasn’t supposed to happen, it was never supposed to get this far” “He won’t leave me” Jacqueline met her eyes, eerily calm “You know I thought that when I saw you I’d feel this rage inside me….but honestly I just feel bad for you Cecelia I really do. Sidney will not leave me, he won’t abandon me or the boys. You should understand that but in case you don’t want to, here” she reached in her purse and took out her checkbook “I’ll give you a little incentive, how does 1 million dollars sound to you ?” “What are you doing ?” Cece whispered “Oh wait, let me guess you thought you were the first ?” she let out a dry laugh Cece shook her head “I…I don’t know what you’re talking about” “I’ll admit no girl has gotten as far as you did, typically he gets bored after a month or so” Jacqueline chuckled “You’ve got that curly hair, clearly you’ve got the body and your face is definitely pleasing to look at” “I don’t believe you” Cece said “You just hate me” “I do hate you but why would I lie to you ?” Jacqueline asked “I have nothing to lose Cecelia. You have known him for months, I’ve known him for 15 years of my life. I’ve been through hell and back with him, things that you wouldn’t be able to handle. So listen to me when I tell you, he will not leave. I’m hurt, I wanna kill him and you with my bare hands but deep down in my soul I know he’ll choose me” “I’m not too sure of that” Cece answered her She sighed “Listen here’s the check, if you cash it then I’ll know you took the offer. You have a week Cecelia, think things through please. It’s a lot of money, you could use that” “I don’t give a fuck about this money” Cece took the check and ripped it up “You’re a miserable person, you two were miserable way before I came in the picture. Yeah, I slept with him knowing you two were still married but you two have been done for a while” “You can’t defend what you did so quit it” Jacqueline snapped “You’re not special, nothing about you is special” she stepped forward and grabbed her arm “You’re just easy. You spread your legs for him, you were just a warm body for him to find comfort in” In any other moment Cece would’ve pushed her away, she was about to when she looked down at the sonogram on the table and simply stayed calm. Jacqueline instantly meeting her eyes and looking down along with her “What is that” she raised her voice, keeping her hold “Cecelia answer me” “Let me go” Cece whispered “Please” It was faith when she turned her head as the doorknob turned and saw Sidney walk through the door and widened his eyes at the sight in front of him. She met his eyes and said nothing, she just couldn’t speak “What the hell is wrong with you” Sidney walked over and removed her hold as he stood in the middle of them “You got her pregnant ?” Jacqueline murmured as she picked up a sonogram and looked at it “You said you were getting a vasectomy !” she shoved him “How you didn’t want more kids, how it overwhelmed you ! You couldn’t even protect yourself well enough ?” Sidney shook his head “I’m sorry, I’m sorry this is how you found out” She quickly wiped her eyes and looked at the sonogram better “It says here she’s 15 weeks, just shy of 4 months….this lines up to Vegas. She fucked Nate that same weekend, I know she did. This baby is his, it has to be”

“Jacqueline stop” he snapped

“I know she fucked Nate too, it was written all over his stupid face” she said “You should be sure before you do anything drastic here”

“Enough” he repeated

Jacqueline shook her head “I’m going home, come by tomorrow so we can talk. And keep what I said in mind, that child could very well be Nate’s.”

Cece stood silent as she left her apartment, she looked up at Sidney “You’re such a piece of shit” she threw a pillow at him

“I’m sorry I hung up on you” he sighed “It was a shitty thing to do, I was just in shock that was all”

“When the hell were you going to tell me you had cheated on Jacqueline before ? Huh ? When were you gonna mention those other women Sidney ?” Cece asked Sidney shook his head as he sat down “It’s not like that. Those are girls that worked sporadically for the team in different positions, I never even talked to them unless I had too. She got in her head that I was cheating on her and had them fired behind my back. She did that, not me, I’ve never cheated on her ever…” “Until now” Cece finished his sentence for him “Until now” “Cece…you need to believe me” he whispered “Do you believe this child is yours and yours only ?” Cece asked him “Do you ?” He stayed quiet for a bit and sighed “Cece, are you sure it is ? You were with Nate, how can you be so sure it’s….it’s mine”

She met his eyes as she looked up at him “Are you seriously asking me that ?” “You slept with him a night before you did with me, I used protection and he didn’t” he looked at her “You’re shy of 4 months, it adds up and yeah I know…we didn’t use protection after when we had sex shortly later but….you have to understand where I’m coming from” “I know myself and he and I didn’t use protection but I know for fact it’s not him okay, do you know how degrading this is for me ? Did you forget you fucked me in the shower without a condom the next day, the same day we slept together for the first time ? Do I have to refresh your memory ?” “You don’t” he said “But you should understand where I am coming from, that sonogram says 15 weeks. Either of us could be the father, I’m not saying I’m not taking responsibility because I am but it’d be better if you could be sure” The question hung in the air, sharp and painful. “Sidney, I would never do that to you. I’m sure.”

He looked away, his mind racing. “I just can’t help but wonder. This is all so complicated.”

She felt tears prick her eyes, the weight of doubt pressing down on her. “I understand it’s a lot to take in, but I love you. I thought we were building something here. I know this child is yours, I know it”

“Yeah, but love doesn’t change biology,” Sidney said quietly, almost to himself.

She reached for his hand, desperation creeping in. “I need you to trust me. We can figure this out together.”

For a moment, he met her gaze, the conflict evident in his eyes. But she could see the walls starting to build, brick by brick, as doubt settled in. “I just need time” Sidney finally said, pulling away “I have so much to figure out right now, I just….I can’t do this. I can’t” “Sidney you can’t do this to me, I’m telling you I know this baby is yours” Cece sniffled “I know it, please don't do this. Don’t leave me like this” “I’m not leaving” he shook his head “I just need to think about things”

The room felt heavy with unspoken tension, and she knew she had to make him understand.“Sidney, please,” Cece said, her voice wavering. “You have to believe me. This is your child, not Nate’s.”

“I know how this ends, you promised me this wouldn’t happen. You told me you loved me and that you’d do things right” she cried “You can’t do this to me” “I just need to get myself together” he whispered “I’ll call you when I can, just…just lay low”

Cece watched him retreat into his thoughts, her heart breaking as she realized the path ahead was going to be much harder than she had hoped ***********************

3 Weeks Later

The 18 week mark had been hell, more than that actually. No matter what or how she ate, she somehow always ended up puking in the toilet. She always heard the second trimester would be harder but in her case it seemed nearly impossible. Her breasts were already swollen, she was showing a tiny bit but she somehow felt like she was wearing a watermelon around her stomach

“Cece, you’ve barely touched your food” Nate commented as she came back out of the bathroom and joined him “You alright ?”

“Yeah just…that salad didn’t hit like I wanted it to” Cece shook her head

“Maybe because you’re pregnant and you should actually eat food and not lettuce like some animal ?” he tried to joke

Cece gave him a weak grin and took a bit out of her chicken. She had called him the day everything went down and told him the news and by surprise he was more concerned than upset. After some talking he had invited her to go over to Colorado since she could still fly, just to see each other in person and talk “I think I’m gonna go back to my hotel room and sleep, I don’t feel good” she said after some silence Nate nodded “I’ll go with you, you sure you don’t wanna go to like an urgent care or something ?” Cece shook her head “No, it’s just sickness it’s all okay. My dr said every trimester was different was for everyone, this one’s just kicking my ass is all” she nodded as he paid and walked with her “I’m just glad I can walk today” “I’m sorry it’s been tough” Nate said softly “That’s not good” “I’m sorry you’re somehow dragged into this” she said back “It was nice of you to invite me out here, I appreciate it” He grinned “Sure” “I feel like you’re holding back on wanting to say something” Cece admitted as they got back in her room “Whatever it is say it” Nate sighed as he took a seat on a chair by her bed “I think it’s really shitty that Sidney’s not really communicating with you. But listen, I like you a lot, I wish that baby was mine. I really do. It’s not fair” “Thanks now I feel shittier” Cece whispered “Mission accomplished, can you leave now” “Cece,” he said gently, interrupting her thoughts. “I know this is a lot for you to handle. But… I want you to know that you’re not alone in this.”

She stopped and looked at him, uncertainty flickering in her eyes. “Nate, I appreciate that, but you don’t have to feel obligated. This isn’t your responsibility.”

He stepped closer, determination in his voice. “I’m not doing this out of obligation. I want to help. I want to be there for you and the baby.”

Cece shook her head “But… I’m not even sure what this means for us. You know right now I can’t commit to you and I didn’t plan this, and—”

“I get it,” Nate interrupted softly. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you need support right now. No matter who the father is, this child deserves someone who cares and I care, I care about you a lot”

“I want Sidney to care” she whispered “I want him to call and text me and tell me he cares. I want him to tell me he’ll be there for me”

“I don’t get why he doesn’t” he admits “It’s a shitty thing to do to you, you don’t deserve that”

She wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater and shrugged “He said he needs time that he can’t do this right now and how he needs me to be sure it’s his. I’ll text him and he’ll take hours to respond with the shortest answers. I’ll call him and it goes straight to voicemail. He just doesn’t wanna hear from me…Jacqueline texted me though”

Nate shook his head “Of course she did”

“She said her offer still stands, I might take it” she admits quietly

Part of her felt cheap for even thinking of taking the money, she didn’t need it technically. She had a good savings account and was prepared for anything but seeing as there was a chance she truly would never see them again she felt like she should take the money

“It’s a lot of money” he nodded “I don’t blame you if you do, if I were in your situation I would to but….remember my offer still stands”

She met his eyes and sighed “I’m not gonna accept your help and money when this child isn’t yours Nate, I can’t and won’t do that to you. You don’t deserve that”

“How…how are you so sure it’s his ?” he whispered “What if it’s really mine ? What if by some miracle it’s mine ?”

“I just know….I just know” Cece murmured “I know I sound crazy but I know it’s his”

“You don’t sound crazy, you sound…in love” he admitted

“I’m moving back to New York” she looked at him “I told my parents a shortened story and they’re insisting I move back. I can’t be in Pittsburgh, I just can’t. I already emailed my 2 weeks notice and moved into a new apartment on the other side of town for the time being but…I know I need to leave” “Whoa that’s far” Nate said “You’re just gonna leave ? You’re not gonna tell Sidney ?” “I just told you he won’t talk to me, he doesn’t care about me. He doesn’t care about this baby so why should I tell him I’m moving ? I need to watch out for myself and this child, I’m almost at that halfway mark. I need to stop having a pity party and get my life together” she sniffled “And I know you’re gonna offer your help again but please….just don’t” “Okay” he nodded “But it still stands so if you change your mind, you know where to find me” She kissed his cheek “Whoever ends up with you in life is gonna be so lucky” “Thanks” he chuckled “I’ll let you get some rest, I’ll come back up and get you for dinner later. Text me if anything” She stood up to walk to him the door and stopped as she felt a cramping feeling “Oh….that hurts” The moments that followed were a total blur and when she woke up she was in a hospital bed, her mind raced as she slowly tried to sit up and groaned “What happened ?” “Hey….easy” Nate whispered “Don’t use too much force” “What happened ?” she looked at him nervously “Did I….Did I lose the baby ?” He shook his head “No no, the baby is okay. You just had what the doctor said was a threatened miscarriage, he was able to control everything and the baby is all good” Cece let out a sigh of relief “Thank god, wow….um…thanks for bringing me, you saved my life Nate, you did.” He gave her a shrug “I did what I hoped any other person would do, I’m just glad you’re okay and that you two are all good, kid’s strong…I got to hear the heartbeat…they thought I was the dad” he admitted with a blush She smiled softly “I can’t wait to hear it when the doctor comes back in the room, it’s the one thing I’ve been looking forward to the most. I told myself that I wouldn’t find out the gender till after they were born” “That’ll be cool” he grinned

Things were quiet after that, she fell back asleep for a bit as he stayed in his chair waiting until the doctor made his round back to her. She wouldn’t admit it but she was scared, nervous even. When the doctor came back inside she did her best to sit up as they scanned her stomach and showed her the sonogram “Wow” Cece whispered “That’s a good heartbeat” “An excellent one” the doctor smiled “Now after today I suggest you rest, no getting up unless you need to. Take it easy Ms.Harper, pregnancies should be easy not stressful. I won’t put you on bedrest but I do suggest not partaking in anything stressful, do it for your baby and yourself. A calm and happy mom mean a calm pregnancy” “Thank you sir” Cece gave him a grin as he walked out, she gently sat up as she checked her phone and once again there was nothing from Sidney. Nothing at all. She didn’t expect anything but it still hurt her “Cece” Nate interrupted “You should stay with me, this is further proof you need to. I won’t feel okay if you leave back to Pittsburgh, you have no one there. At least here you have me, I’ll be around and then you can go to New York” he said softly “Please”

“Okay” she finally gave in ‘Okay….I’ll stay here with you for a bit but I ask of one thing from you” “You name it” Nate nodded “You don’t tell Sidney at all” Cece looked at him “I’m changing my phone number, I don’t want any contact with him whatsoever. You just tell him that you don’t know where I am if he asks you” She waited for him to disagree instead he held her hand and kissed her forehead, the only confirmation she needed **************

A Month Later- 22 weeks pregnant

Agony. Pain. Hurt.

There was no other way to describe what Sidney was feeling. He had been in hell as far as he was concerned. He hadn’t spoken or seen Cece in 7 weeks, after he declined her calls and gave her short answers in their texts she had stopped reaching out all together. He knew he was in the wrong, he knew he had hurt her and he hated himself for it but as selfish as it may have seemed he thought he was doing the right thing “Here” Jacqueline handed him a contract as they sat in his office “It’s an NDA for if that child Cecelia’s pregnant with is actually yours, it says you’ll give her a lump sum of $15 million and that you’re choosing to terminate your parental rights which means your name will not be on the birth certificate nor will she be allowed to use your last name. And that there should be no contact from the child until they are of legal age to do so” “If that child is mine I want to see him or her whenever I please” Sidney ripped up the contract “I’ll raise it and you know what ? Fuck you” “Excuse me ?” Jacqueline whispered “Watch how you speak to me”

“You got in my head, you and your stupid thoughts” he looked at her “That kid is mine, I know it is. I know it, I let you get in my head and now she won’t speak to me. It’s like she’s dropped off the face of the earth. No calls or texts, no voicemail. I have no idea where she’s at, she’s not with Nate. I had people see and nothing. She’s not in New York either, she’s gone. She’s just….gone”

“Oh please don’t start with your woe is me bullshit when you literally told her you couldn’t be with her if she couldn’t guarantee the kid was yours. You left her high and dry, you’re the one who was ignoring her for weeks when she was trying to talk to you” Jacqueline reminded him reluctantly “You showed her the kind of man you are, I hate that you’re making me defend her”

“I was in shock” he defended “I was in shock and it was a lot that day”

“I don’t even like Cecelia and I could even admit you treated her like absolute shit. I mean granted she deserved it” she shrugged “I would’ve killed you honestly”

Sidney shot daggers at her “You do realize I asked my lawyer to draft up divorce papers right ?”

Jacqueline let out small breath “And like always I’m way ahead of you” she picked up another folder and took out the documents “We didn’t sign a prenup when we married, which means I am entitled to half of your assets, not to mention when we go to court and I show proof of infidelity and the fact that you’re away for half the year essentially will absolutely leave me with sole physical custody of the boys…you’ll have a nice weekly visitation though don’t worry and of course this home is mine, as are the two homes we have in Canada, the house in Montana, and the penthouse in Miami. I want it all.”

“You can’t do that to me” Sidney shook his head “We didn’t sign a prenup but those are my assets, I worked really hard for that Jacqueline and I deserve custody too. They’re my children too, you can’t do this to me” “And what are you gonna tell the boys if that kid is yours ? You gonna tell them the truth ? That you cheated on their mother ? That they have a new brother or sister ? Tell me, what are you gonna tell them ?” she asked “I’d love to know Sidney” He stayed quiet and looked down, he hadn’t thought about what would happen after. How he would break such sensitive news to the boys. How this would affect them and traumatize them at such a young age “I take it you didn’t think about the bigger picture ?” Jacqueline took a sip of her coffee “See, this is why you should’ve kept your dick in your pants and looked at Cece from afar like a decent man.” “She’s different, she’s perfect inside and out. I felt drawn to her” Sidney said back “You wouldn’t know that feeling now would you” Her face hardened at his words “You’re slower than I initially thought, must be all those concussions you took. Maybe that’s why you’re a mediocre player now, you’re quite literally fucked in the head” “You are-” “Evil ? A bitch ? Listen I’m not the one who cheated on their wife, ignored time with their children to go make another and then dumped a pregnant girl who doesn’t know who the father of their kid is. That’s you and little miss homewrecker, all I’m doing is protecting myself. You’ve left me no choice Sidney”He sighed “You know this doesn’t have to be this way”

“Oh but it does” Jacqueline looked at him “I’ve been too nice in the past, naive even. I put you above everyone and everything and the one time I wanted to do something for myself you decide you don’t like it so you have an affair. Now I know why you were so on edge sometimes, why you took longer at practice, why your phone was constantly in your pocket and of course why you were so mad I took the boys to vegas”

“You and I had been on thin ice” he whispered “It was wrong….I know it was wrong but she just…she brought a different light back to my life, things had been so bad with us. I know it was wrong and that I shouldn’t have done it but she just made me realize I wanted something different. I wanted to feel alive”

Jacqueline didn’t realize she was crying as she heard him speak, she gently wiped her eyes with a napkin and nodded “I see, well that was your choice and you decided on that. I just don’t don’t understand how you could be with her knowing you were hurting me. I knew you didn’t like me but I….I never thought you’d actually hurt me” “Don’t cry” he murmured “Please” “15 years of my life” she sniffled “I was with you through some of your worst moments, moments where you didn’t even want to exist anymore. Moments where I made sure you ate, that you showered and that you were in a good headspace and that you knew things were going to be okay when I didn’t even know if they’d be okay. I was freshly out of college with my dreams put aside to make sure you could go back and do what you loved. You wanted kids later and I agreed. I put my life on hold for you, my best years wasted” she said through shaky breaths

“Then I got pregnant and I find out I’m carrying not only 2 children but one of them has this disability that I’ve never even heard of, that his life might be different compared to his brothers and you get annoyed that I wanna do everything in my power to make his life as normal as possible. I get told I do too much and I’m so uptight and that I’m doing wrong by him. I’m navigating it the best I can, trying to be a good mother and wife all so you can go be the poor emotionally neglected and sexually deprived husband with a mean wife to some girl who looks at you with stars in her eyes” Jacqueline looked at him

“You act like a completely different person with me now and while I don’t know where stand as a couple, I just know I love you” Jacqueline shook her head and reached for his hand “I’m willing to put in the work if you are. Life has thrown us worse things and we’re still standing. If you’re willing to work on us then I am too, I won’t speak of her again.” Sidney felt a tear slide down his cheek as he took in her words, despite them going at each other's throats he couldn’t deny he still loved her deep in his heart. Jacqueline was a comfort, she knew all of him and even if he had hurt her he truly couldn’t imagine a life without her for some reason. He knew Cece mattered but there was no point if she had iced him out. He had done what he could, he did love Cece too but right now he was focused on his family He held Jacqueline’s hand and kissed it as he scooted closer to her and hugged her. He wanted them to work but he also wanted Cece to just answer him. He wanted to see her, to talk to her, to clear things up but he knew it couldn’t happen

“How are we gonna know if this is gonna work ?” he asked “Because I’m me and you’re you, we’re not quitters” she looked at him with small grin

Sidney chuckled with a sniffle as he leaned into his chair. Life wasn’t in his favor but he’d do what he needed to do to make it better

************ 1 Year Later Cece smiled as she held her son in her arms and showed him his reflection in her compact mirror as she waited with him at a nearby restaurant in Denver “That’s you, that’s Jude” she cooed at the 8 month old “Jude and mommy” “I made it just in time” a voice interrupted “It’s only been a month since you’ve seen us” she chuckled as she stood up to greet him and handed Jude over “He looks the same, nothing different I promise. He’s still super cute and perfect”

Nate grinned as he picked him up “Oh man he’s even chunkier now” he smoothed his hair “Hey buddy…you remember me ?”

“Of course he does, he recognized your voice” she grinned, watching them “Aww he’s smiling at you Nate, see he knows you”

Nate smiled as he held him, Jude was Sidney’s carbon copy but that didn’t matter to him at all. He was still a perfect baby, he could see bits of Cece in him but for the most part he had to admit Jude was 99.9% all Sidney as far as looks. He had his eyes, his lips, his hair, he even smiled like him sometimes. It was like he was holding a mini Sidney in his arms, Jude resembled him way more than his other 2 sons.

“So” Cece interrupted his thoughts “How’s stuff going ? I’m glad you have a small break”

“Season’s going great” he grinned “All good thankfully, how about you ?”

“Work is nice” she nodded

Soon after spending some time in Colorado she finally moved back to New York and settled on her own in Brooklyn and got a job at newspaper writing for the entertainment column. It was different and calm, something she so desperately needed. Being able to give birth with her family by her side made up for everything bad she had lived, times were getting better and now with Jude with her she felt at peace finally “I miss you here permanently but I bet Brooklyn is cool too” Nate grinned “Any chance I can get you to move back ?” Cece chuckled “I have a really good job, my family is near and I like my new life there so no. But I do miss you, and so does he” she looked at Jude “He’s so cuddly lately” “He’s cuddly because I’m holding him” Nate smirked “He missed me” “He sure did, facetime isn’t enough” she took a bite of her food “You know he grabs my phone now and hands it over to me, because he knows that’s how he sees you” “Because he’s the smartest baby alive” he cooed “Aren’t you buddy ?”

“Are you gonna steal my son ?” Cece laughed

“I just might” Nate teased “He’s so cute, seriously how is he so big now ? He looks 2”

She sipped her water quietly. She knew he didn’t mean it that way but it’s how she took it. Jude was essentially Sidney reborn, when he was put on her chest after he was born she looked at him once and just knew. As the days and weeks went by she would often just stare at him and see just how much he resembled Sidney. It brought her sadness at first, he was now a permanent reminder of him. Rather than dwell on the past she focused on the good that was ahead

“So…what are your plans ?” Nate asked “I was thinking maybe we could go out later….just dessert somewhere”

She sighed “I can’t, I still breastfeed him at night. He cluster feeds and doesn’t take the bottle at all. We're in a little regression but I’m hoping the dark hotel lighting will help him sleep. Don’t let those dark curls and gummy smile fool you, he keeps me up at night now”

“You should’ve stayed with me, you could’ve had your old room but you insisted on a hotel” he brought up “I could handle some baby cries you know, it’s not a big deal”

Cece grinned “I know but I just felt better in a hotel, plus you have a game in 2 days and I don’t want you not getting enough sleep”

“I guess I won’t argue about that, but how about after he has his afternoon nap we go for a walk ? The lights downtown are really nice this time of year, he’d like that” he pet Jude’s cheek “Wouldn’t you buddy ?”

“Dadadada” Jude babbled and clapped excitedly In that moment she felt her stomach flip as she felt her face pale almost immediately “I’m so sorry about that, I swear I don’t know where he got that from. He’s only ever babbled mama, I’ve never ever heard him say dada, I have no idea where he could’ve heard that” she rambled “It’s fine…it is” Nate said softly “Listen…I’ve thought about things, I’ve had time and…well, what’s stopping us from taking the next step ? I think I’ve proven myself worthy to you. You know I like you more than a friend, you know you can trust me and that I care about Jude. Why don’t we give this a shot Cece ?” “Nate I’m not ready for that” she admitted “I’m not, and I’m sorry if I’ve given you any indication that I have but-” “You haven’t” he shook his head “It’s me, this is all me. I’m saying this because I want to and because I know that we could have a family. No one has to know, we keep things private” “I have a life that’s just me and Jude” Cece explained “And I really really like it, it’s calm and it’s nice. I don’t have room in my heart for you….not in the way you want me to have. I like you and I consider you a close friend and I hope we’ll forever be friends but right now, I can’t accept that nor can I offer that to you” “I can wait” Nate gave her a small grin “I’m patient” “I wish he was yours. I really do” she admitted in a whisper “Life would’ve been so nice, so much better” He nodded “Part of me really wanted that too, but it’s okay. It doesn’t matter to me, I really really like you and I really like him and I just want you to know that. I’ll wait months if you need me to, I just wanna be with you and Jude” She sighed softly “I gotta put him down for his nap but I’ll take that offer for later, meet me at my hotel lobby by 6” “You got it” Nate smiled as he kissed Jude’s cheek and handed him back over “See you soon” She waved him goodbye as she put Jude in his stroller and walked back towards the lobby, she was on her way to the elevator when someone bumped into her

“Oh god I’m so….Cece ?” “Mr Letang” Cece whispered turning back around “Wow um….hello, so-so nice to see you” “How are you ?” he grinned “And call me Kris please, wait…my goodness did you have a baby ?” he bent down to look at the stroller “He’s adorable” “I…I did” she said softly “This is my son….Jude” “Look at him” Kris smiled as he held his little hand “Hey little guy, you’re a cutie” Cece looked around nervously, she knew a home game for Nate meant an opposing team visiting but she had no idea it would be the penguins of all teams. She watched as Kris happily entertained Jude who was more than content “Now I get why you left so soon without a goodbye” Kris mentioned “Everyone was so sad to hear you left so suddenly, you’re greatly missed. The ladies and kids miss you, so does the staff and of course all of us. It’s not the same without you there helping out” “How sweet, believe me I miss you guys too” she whispered “But um..it was nice seeing you again, have a great game” “Wait I see Sid” he looked up “Hey man look who’s here, come say hi” She breathed slowly as she heard his familiar voice approach them, when she turned around she could see his face just drop “Cecelia ?” Sidney whispered “Wh-what are you doing here ?” “Visiting a friend” she answered quietly as she pulled up the stroller canopy to cover Jude’s face from him “Listen I’d love to chat but my baby needs a nap and I run a tight schedule, have a nice rest of your day” “I’ll tell Catherine I saw you” Kris smiled as he waved goodbye at her It was like a bad dream come true for Cece, she walked away quickly and got in the elevator as she felt her eyes water. It had been way too long but never did she think she’d feel that way over seeing Sidney again. She quickly got in her room and did her best to calm down, she felt a whirl of emotions go through her as she took Jude out his stroller and fed him

“Hi lovie” she whispered and kissed his forehead “It’s okay, it’s just me”

When he finished she burped him and laid him down for his nap in his pack and play, she knew what was coming. It was like deja vu from a year before when she heard a gentle but loud knock on her door

“You need to leave immediately” Cece said as she answered “I’m not playing, I will literally beat you down to a pulp with my bare hands if you move in inch towards me”

“I wanna see…please let me see the baby” Sidney whispered “Please….”

“No” she said sternly “Now get out before I call security”

“Cece….please let me see that baby” he pleaded desperately “Please, I’m begging you to let me see them. I’ll see them and I’ll leave”

She sighed and stepped aside as she let him in, hesitation was written all over his face as he walked behind her slowly. She walked him up to the pack and play and let out a deep breath, all the words she had wanted to tell him suddenly were gone. All she felt now was pure sadness

“It’s….it’s a boy” Sidney whispered as he crouched down

“Yeah” Cece whispered “It’s a boy”

“What’s his name ? How many months is he ?” he asked

“His name is Jude…Jude Harper” she nodded “He’s 8 months”

Sidney stood up as he just looked at him. All those months he wondered and wondered where she was and if she was okay and here she was, now with a baby. His baby. He could feel his eyes well up as he looked at Jude peacefully sleeping away

“He’s….He’s perfect” he murmured “He’s a perfect baby”

“You can leave now” Cece said

“No” Sidney shook his head “Cece…this is my son, this our son”

“He’s mine” she looked in his eyes, staring him down “Don’t you dare call him yours, you understand me ? He is my son, my child. He’s not yours. You lost that privilege the moment you questioned me and didn’t contact me. Jude is mine and mine only” “You don’t understand how hard that was” Sidney whispered “How I beat myself up for it for months but then I tried reaching out and it’s like you disappeared. I looked everywhere for you, I did everything I could and I couldn’t find you Cecelia. I did everything I could” “Yeah okay” Cece nodded “Sure” “Please understand me, let’s talk. I’ll tell you everything” Sidney tried holding her hand, wincing as she snatched it back, almost recoiling from his touch “I’m begging you” “No” she answered coldly “Leave my room now, I don’t wanna see you ever again” “You can’t do this to me” Sidney whispered “Cece please” he got on his knees “Please let me talk to you” “Get up” Cece spoke in a hushed tone “You’re embarrassing yourself and quite frankly you’re pissing me off and if it weren’t for MY son in this room you’d be screaming in pain from the absolute ass whooping I’d be giving you” “I’m sorry” Sidney croaked out “I’m so so sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you and that I wasn’t there for you and that I didn’t answer you when you’d call or text me. I was so selfish, so incredibly selfish and I realized it too late” She didn’t know what to say or do as she took a seat on the corner of her bed and just looked straight ahead “A part of me died that day, I thought you loved me. I thought that you’d be by my side supporting me and instead you ask if I’m sure you’re the father, you tell me you need time. That it’s too much” “Cece-”

“I know what I did wrong, I know it was wrong to sleep with a married man and have an affair but you told me you were asking her for a divorce. You strung me along for months telling me you just needed the right time. You slept with me every single opportunity you had telling me you loved me and how different I was and how you knew you belonged with me. How you saw a future with me and knew I was the one” Cece repeated his own words “And the second I have something terrifying happen you tell me how you’re not sure it’s even yours and how you need time…how dare you do that to me ?” Sidney gulped and opened his mouth to speak “I….I’m sorry”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it” she shook her head and wiped the corners of her eyes “I loved you, I was so in love with you. I was ready to do anything and everything to be with you. To face the whole world and its wrath, to ruin myself just to be with you because I loved you that much. I just wanted to be with you, I didn’t expect a perfect family or a fairytale. I knew reality Sidney. I knew you had your other sons to look after and be there for and I respected that. I never ever thought you’d leave me the way you did Sidney, that hurt more than anything. I was devastated for weeks. I almost lost Jude from how depressed and stressed out I was” At this point tears were streaming down her face without stopping but she needed to continue “It was then that I realized that you just weren’t who I thought you were. I laid in that hospital bed knowing that if you didn’t reach out to me then there was no point in me reaching out to you ever again. I knew I needed to focus on being healthy and being in a good state of mind for my pregnancy and I did a pretty nice job at it and I continue to do an amazing job. I don’t want you nor do I need you and I don’t want you in his life either” “I can’t walk away from you again, I can’t walk away from him…I can’t do that” he murmured “Why ? You’re really good at walking away” she said to him “This won’t be any different Sidney.” He closed his eyes at the insult and nodded “I understand I hurt you but…I’ll do whatever you want me to do” “There’s nothing you could ever do that will make me forgive you” Cece answered “You can die for all I care” she looked in his eyes “You’ve basically already been dead to me anyways” “This isn’t who you are, how could you say such evil things” Sidney whispered hurt “You’re acting like a completely different person”

“I’m not acting like a completely different person” Cece responded “You’ve just never known me when I’m not in love with you and quite frankly thank god I now can realize that it was all some act” The words cut like knives through his heart, the person he knew and had grown to love was long gone and it hurt him. He was about to walk away when he heard Jude stir and wake up, he turned his head and watched him rub his eyes with his tiny firsts and sit up “It’s still nap time” Cece said softly changing her tone and walking over to him as she picked him up “You gotta sleep more, it’s only been an hour Jude” Sidney walked over and looked at him, his big brown eyes meeting his own, pointing to him and then giving him a smile “H-Hi there” he whispered giving him a small wave and getting one in return “Can you leave now” Cece said “I need to get him back down for the rest of his nap”

Sidney glanced down at the baby in her arms. Jude had big, curious eyes and a tuft of dark hair. His heart swelled. “Can I… can I hold him?” “Fine” Cece replied, her voice quiet shifting slightly, as if unsure how to bridge the distance between them.

She hesitated, then nodded slowly, her gaze flickering with a mix of emotions. She gently passed Jude to him, her fingers brushing against Sidney’s as she did

He felt an electric spark at that brief touch, but he pushed it aside, focusing on the child. Jude squirmed a little in his arms, his eyes studying Sidney’s face. “Hey there, buddy,” Sidney murmured, his voice filled with warmth. The sight of Jude stirred a deep sense of connection within him, but he could feel the weight of the past pressing down on them.

Cece watched silently, her expression unreadable “Can this be done now ?” she asked after a few minutes “Cece this is my son too, you can’t just expect me to walk out and never see him again. We can work something out” he said “I can talk to Jacqueline, I can-” She simply shrugged “You’re gonna win anyways so I might as well let you. I don’t have your kind of money or power that can help me out in court in a custody case” “Cece I would never…” he shook his head “I don’t believe a word you say, everything about you is a total farce. What I expect is a call or letter to my lawyer's office soon. I don’t want any outside contact with you at all, it will all be done with a handler on my behalf. I don’t want child support either. The only thing I will allow you to have is visitation and you better tell your lawyer that because if you want more then that’s when it’ll get ugly for you.”

“I realize that now,” he said, his voice shaky “I can’t change the past, but I want to be here for both of you moving forward. I want to prove to you that I’m committed to being a father.” he handed Jude back to her, who then cuddled into her neck as he fell back asleep instantly in her arms “I won’t let him or you down” “This is my lawyer’s email” she scribbled it down on a notepad “If you reach out , I’ll hear from him and he’ll handle the rest” He took the piece of paper and walked out of the room without another word being said. Seeing her was a feeling he thought he’d never have again, one that made him feel nervous all over. Just looking at Cece made his heart race, even if she did hate him now he still loved her and wanted her. She was his opposite, she balanced him out. She now had a piece of him. Even with things being better with Jacqueline he knew he had to make the toughest decision ever, one that could change his life forever but for Cece and now Jude he was willing to do it as long as he could make sure his two boys were okay first.

***************************

As soon as he left the room she put Jude back down and took out her phone and called Nate “When the hell were you going to tell me the opposing team were the penguins ?”

“Cece I swear I didn’t even realize it” Nate said quickly “I’m so sorry, are you okay ?”

“Really you didn’t realize it ? You didn’t realize the team with the father of my child was gonna be in town to play your team at the same time I was here visiting you ? Yeah I call bull” Cece snapped “How could you do this to me ? He saw me, he saw Jude and now I have to deal with lawyers and hope he doesn’t want custody. How could you do this to me ? I thought I could trust you ?”

“I didn’t even realize it” he said “I didn’t I swear, hockey was the last thing on my mind. All I cared about this whole month was seeing you and Jude again. You have to believe me”

“I don’t.” she answered “I don’t believe a word out of your mouth”

Nate rubbed his face “You should, I’ve never done you wrong Cece. I never told him where you were or that I still talked to you. I’ve been there for you, I’ve proven myself and just because Sidney lied to you doesn’t mean I will”

She let out a dry chuckle “How long have you been waiting to use that line ?”

“I….I didn’t mean it that way Cece” he whispered “You know me”

“No I thought I did Nate and like always I’m wrong. I never want to speak to you again” she said as she hung up on him

As soon as he heard that click he raced over to her hotel, he was sure he ran some red lights on the way but he was desperate. He stood in front of the hotel room door, heart racing as he watched Cece pack her things in a hurried frenzy. The tension in the air was thick, and he could see the hurt in her eyes.

“Cece, wait,” he said, his voice a mix of desperation and sadness

She paused but didn’t turn to face him “Just let me go, Nate. I can’t do this right now,” she replied, her voice trembling.

“No,” he insisted, stepping closer. “You don’t understand. I can’t let you leave like this.”

She finally turned, frustration flashing across her features. “And what do you want me to do? Pretend everything is fine after that mess?”

Nate took a deep breath, steadying himself. “I want to be honest with you. I messed up, and I’m sorry. But I can’t keep pretending that I don’t care about you… and about Jude.”

Her eyes softened at the mention of her son, and he seized the moment to step closer. “I love you, Cece. I love you and Jude. I know I didn’t say it before, but I’ve realized it more and more every day. You both mean everything to me.”

For a moment, silence hung between them. Cece’s expression shifted, torn between anger and something deeper. “Nate, this isn’t just about you and me. It’s about Jude too. I can’t drag him into something that might hurt him.”

“I understand,” he said, his voice earnest. “But I promise you, I won’t hurt either of you. I want to be a part of your lives. I want to help you raise Jude. I want to be there for you, every step of the way.”

She looked down, biting her lip, and he could see the walls she’d built beginning to crack. “It’s complicated and it’s only going to be worse now with Sidney knowing”

“I know it is,” he replied, taking another step forward. “But I’ll be there, for you and for Jude. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that I’m serious about this.”

Tears glistened in her eyes, and she finally met his gaze, vulnerability shining through. “I want to believe you, Nate I do but….but I need to be on my own”

“Just let me show you,” he said softly, reaching for her hand. “Please, just… don’t walk away.”

“I like you Nate, but I don’t know if I can love you” she whispered “But believe me when I say I want to so badly” “That’s good enough for me” he smiled softly as he pet her cheek, knowing he couldn’t kiss her “it’s all I ask for”

In that moment, she hesitated, the weight of his words hanging in the air. With a shaky breath, she reached up and kissed his cheek, a flicker of hope igniting inside of him while she just felt unsure. She knew who she loved deep down, but she also knew she was falling for Nate and wanted to love him so badly. She knew he was who she needed but he wasn’t who she wanted and that terrified her.

*A/N- if you read this, it’s so important to give feedback. I know you guys think likes are it but they’re not. Give feedback, interact, do something. If you’re new to this site learn how it works !!! Stop taking our content and not doing the bare minimum.

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bangtanficsforyou · 2 years ago

Text

They Reject You (hyung line)- part three

Pairing: BTS x Reader

Word Count: 8K

Warnings: swear words here and there, a little kissing scene.

Jin

"I told you, you should have done this sooner."

"Hey, if I had known this was gonna be this much fun, I would have."

"I did tell you, you just didn't believe me."

You huff. "Okay fine! You were right all along and I was wrong. Happy?"

Blair chugs down another shot and winces at the bitter taste. "I'll be happy when you listen to my advice."

"Asking for too much, now. Aren't you?"

"Cool then, mop over a boy for over a month again. Why don't you?" She retorts with no real bite, rather genuinely enjoying the glimpse of the old you back.

A wave of sadness hits you when you're reminded about the said boy and you sigh. "He isn't just a boy, he's also my best friend."

Blair immediately regrets her words when she notices the look on your face. "I understand that you would need time but if I hadn't dragged you out today, you would have not made any efforts to move on for at least another six months."

You feel an instant urge to deny it but end up not protesting because you know how true her words are.

Moving on would have been easier if you knew the answer to this one question; how does one move on from their best friend?

How do you forget the moments that made you fall for him? Moments when he was the only one you could confide in. When you two would spend hours talking on the phone about random things. When the two of you would sit on the balcony and judge every passerby. The inside jokes, the tears, the hugs, the words of comfort. How do you forget those and tell yourself to not feel the way you do?

And even if you manage to do so, will the two of you really ever get back to being as close as you once were? Won't that result in you falling for him all over again?

You take hold of another glass of shot when you realise that you were overthinking again. Today your plan is to get enough alcohol in your system so that you do not overthink the little things.

"What is he doing here?" Blair whispers to herself.

"Who?" Your tipsy mind gets distracted by that and you start checking left and right to catch sight of the person she's talking about.

"Jin."

Your eyes widen in shock and you freeze in your seat. "Jin is here?"

Blair nods, feeling the same amount of disbelief as you.

"Should I hide in the washroom?" You whisper shout. You don't even know why you feel the need to run when you and Jin have had a civil conversation just a few weeks ago. All you know is that you do not wish to face Jin. You are not ready to face the stir of emotions Jin would inevitably ignite.

"Fun fact, his eyes are fixed here," she quips with a mix of annoyance and amusement. "I'm also pretty sure, he's aware that we are talking about him."

You shut your eyes and groan audibly. "Fuck. Just what I needed."

"Fun fact part two, he's coming here."

As soon as she completes her sentence, you hear your name being called.

"Y/N."

"Jin!" You put on a fake smile and try to seem as excited as you possibly can. You won't allow your spirits to dwindle so easily. "What are you doing here?"

Jin thinks for a brief moment if he should lie and say that it was a coincidence but then decides otherwise. "Well, Jimin texted me that you're here and I had something important to tell you, so,"

"Well, I don't feel stalked at all." You grin sarcastically.

Jin smiles. That's the first stage of you getting drunk; getting sassy. "Well, I'd be hurt if you were to call me a creepy stalker."

He says it with such a soft look of adoration that Blair has to clear her throat loudly to announce her presence.

"I'm Blair," she introduces herself.

Jin understands that Blair's words are directed at him and he politely puts his hand forward in greeting. "I'm Jin."

Blair nods and shakes his hand. From the look in his eyes, she already has an idea about why Jin might be here and if what she's assuming is right, she should really get out of here as quickly as she can.

"Well, it's good that you are here, I have somewhere to go. Take care of her," as soon as the words are out of her mouth, Blair quickly leaves the spot knowing very well how you are going to react.

You gasp dramatically, concerned about how quickly she changed her colours. What a traitor you have as a friend.

Jin sits on the stool next to you before you can recover from your shock. "So what have you been drinking?"

You look at Jin with your mouth parted open, still having a hard time understanding what just happened in the span of a few minutes. How you came to the club to temporarily forget about Jin and how now, you are sitting right next to him.

You blink a few times to let the shock subside and with Blair gone, you feel your adrenaline rush fade away.

"I don't know, Blair ordered it," you shrug.

He hums, fiddling with his fingers on the table. "Any special reason you are out here clubbing on a weekday?"

"Nah," you say just as casually as you had uttered the previous sentence. Maybe it's because of the alcohol but you don't find yourself feeling anxious in his presence. There's only a very little amount of unease but that's only because you don't want to get too into your emotions.

Jin watches you closely. You don't look drunk, just tipsy. And thankfully, for him, you don't seem to be too bothered by the fact that he just invited himself.

Someone might say that he's being overdramatic coming all the way to say something he could have said any other time. But when Jimin texted him that you're here, his thoughts started getting a little wild.

What if you were in a club trying to get over him? What if some hot bartender catches your eye? What if your friends are telling you that you deserve better? (The last one, Jin agrees with)

It's fair to say that those thoughts made him rush to this place so that he can finally say what he figured out in the last few days.

Jin inhales deeply and asks the million-dollar question. "Do you– do you still love me?"

You choke on your drink and a series of coughs that follows. Jin immediately asks for a glass of water and helps you calm down.

"What kind of a question is that?" You ask in a raspy voice when your coughing fit subsides.

"A very important one?" He asks you back, his brows now furrowing in nervousness.

You mimic his expression, only that your brows furrow in annoyance. "What kind of people do you hang around with to get the idea that people's feelings change in the span of a few weeks?"

Ah, yes. You're sassy right now.

Jin's features soften and he looks at you with a look of disbelief.

"So you still love me?" He asks in a whisper, too scared to say the words out loud.

"Unfortunately, yes." You nod.

Before you can take hold of another glass of shot, Jin's hand comes to rest on yours. You look at him in confusion, wondering what even is he up to.

"Well, I love you too," a wide smile breaks out on his face as if the thought of you is enough to make him happy.

This time, you choke on thin air. "Excuse me?!"

He takes your hand and brings it to his lips. "I'm sorry it took me so long, but now that I know, I just want to be with you forever."

Your eyes follow his movements and you find your breathing getting shallower and only one question coming to your mind; Is this really happening?

Jin notices the way you seem to have run out of words. It makes him want to smirk in satisfaction but at the same time wrap you in his arms. Had he known you would react this way, he would have done this way sooner. But he was busy being a fool back then.

You were always by his side, through the worst and the best. You were his only constant in the world of variables. He always felt so at home with you, that the thought of changing the dynamics never occurred to him. You two were perfect being best friends and he thought that was how it was going to be forever.

But then he's also a hopeless romantic at heart. He has always dreamt of his perfect partner and what life with them will look like. He has also had his fair share of crushes and relationships but never did the faceless person from his dreams appear to be one of them.

Now that he thinks of it, he knows why that was the case.

"You don't have to say anything," Jin adds, not wanting you to stress about it. "I just needed you to know that I love you and I'm sorry for realising it so late."

Now as sassy as you are when you're tipsy, you're just as bold. Without thinking any further, you lean forward and kiss him. It's odd and something your sober self would never do, but right now you're definitely not sober. Plus, you can leave the overthinking for her when she wakes up tomorrow. At the moment, the only thing that matters to you is that the man you so irrevocably love, loves you back.

Jin freezes and his eyes widen in shock when he feels your lips on his.

He knows you are only doing this because you are drunk. He knows that had you been sober you would have asked a million questions by now. He also, knows that he shouldn't be kissing you back but when he hears a whine of complaint from you at his lack of enthusiasm, his resolve crumbles.

He gently puts his palms on your cheeks and kisses you back passionately. The warm sensation of your lips on his makes his head spin and he wonders how on earth has he gone so long without doing this.

However, he pulls back when he feels your tongue against his lips. "We should get you home."

You shake your head like a stubborn child. "No, I don't want to go."

Gosh, he wants to kiss that pout away. How did he not realise that it's been you all along?

Blair watches from a distance as you throw your hands in the air like a small child and a smile makes its way onto her lips. Guess, she won't have to worry about you moping anymore.

Yoongi

As soon as the doorbell rings, you freeze. That must be Yoongi.

You have been looking forward to this moment and at the same time have been dreading it. But it's one of those things that you know just needs to be done.

You haven't had a single moment of peace since yesterday. It's tiring honestly. You don't know how the conversation with Yoongi will go, but you at least hope that after this you won't feel this heavy weight on your shoulders and will be able to have a good night's sleep.

With that hope, you open the door and you're greeted by Yoongi in a purple suit and the sight itself makes you swallow. You really wish you could marry him.

Shaking the thought away, you welcome him in and ask him to take a seat on the couch.

"Would you like some tea or coffee?" You query

Yoongi shakes his head. "Nothing really. I had coffee before leaving."

Well then, guess you won't get the time to figure out how to start the conversation.

You take a seat on the opposite couch and play with the rings that adorn your fingers. "I called you at my place because there's something important we need to talk about and I thought that a public place isn't suitable for the conversation."

Yoongi nods. He won't lie but he shares the same view. It's difficult for him as it is to talk about his emotions. He doesn't want to imagine having to explain why he came across as nonchalant to your confession and how he respects your honesty, more than he could show.

However, nothing could have prepared him for the next words that leave your mouth.

"I think we should not go forward with this marriage."

Your words cause Yoongi to choke. Out of all the things he wanted to discuss with you, he never saw this coming. "What?!"

Seeing Yoongi react like this catches you slightly off guard. Usually, he always has his emotions in check and is unreadable. It always makes you feel like he's out of reach. However, right now, you can read him like a book, which oddly enough gives you a sense of satisfaction.

"We should not get married." You repeat your words and wait for Yoongi's shocked features to subside.

Yoongi looks at you and notices how determined you seem, as if you have thought about this long and hard and only then have you come to this decision. The thought that there's probably no changing your mind, scares him.

Clearing his throat, he tries to sound as calm as he can. "Why though?"

Now it's your turn to be surprised. Isn't it obvious why the two of you shouldn't get married?

Chewing on your lower lip, you ponder how you should frame your words. After a brief pause, you start with a gentle tone that somehow comes out sad.

"When two people love each other, they get married. Not because they have to, but because they want to. It's like this celebration of their love, where they declare to the world that they are each other's for the rest of eternity. But you see, that's the most important factor–" you look up to lock eyes with Yoongi. "–love."

Love.

It's a word Yoongi has hardly ever given thought to.

Yoongi knows what it feels like to be loved. His parents love him, his sister loves him, his friends love him, his dog loves him. He also knows what it is like to love someone because he loves these people just as much. But love in the way you describe it? Yoongi has never felt that.

From a very young age, he has known that it will be his parents who will choose who he is to marry. Which is why he has never felt or given much thought to what it is like to want to spend his whole life with someone.

But clearly, you have.

It looks like you know exactly what you want and he won't lie, he envies that. He wonders what it's like for someone to know what they want so clearly that they won't settle for anything less.

"We can always fall in love," he says with a small shrug as if it's not a big deal. The gesture makes his words look insincere and although it's true that he doesn't realise the intensity of his words, it's also true that he had shrugged simply to hide how uncomfortable he feels. He has never had to talk to someone about falling in love with them.

You chuckle humorlessly. "I don't think you realise what falling in love really means."

Yoongi wants to feel offended by your words but he can't. Because you're right. "Well, it's never too late to learn."

You can tell that Yoongi is being genuine. But you don't know how you should perceive his genuineness. Should you feel flattered that he's willing to give your marriage a try? Or should you feel sad that he has to try falling in love with someone?

You don't know what the answer to that would be but the thought of him falling for you because he had no other choice, does not sit right with you. Even if you two were happy one day, maybe somewhere at the corner of your mind will be the thought that he fell for you only because you two were forced into this marriage.

"I don't think it will work, Yoongi," you say with a sigh.

Yoongi's brow furrows in frustration. Why are you complicating things like this? "I don't understand what exactly is the problem?"

Here goes nothing.

"We have been on ten dates so far and on none of those occasions, did you ever seem interested in getting to know me on a deeper level. You are a closed book and I respect that it might not be easy for everyone to be open, but what counts is the effort. We have never had an open conversation or proper communication." Your voice comes out even, not a speck of anger or disappointment lacing your words. It sounds like you're only reading out observations from a science experiment. "Why do you think that is? If you were to ask me, and I might be wrong, but it's because you were never interested in the prospect of marrying."

"Had I not asked to break the marriage, things would have been pretty much the same and I would have never voiced these thoughts. You would have made no effort and I would have been trying way too hard to fulfil my wishes. Don't you see how wrong that could go?"

Yoongi remains speechless with his mouth parted.

"It's not only that, though," a small smile appears on your lips. "When you believe in love as much as I do, you'd know that love is inevitable. Everyone deserves it, including you. And I hope that when you do fall in love, you get to walk with them with your head held high without worrying about the wife you had to marry to boost your business."

With each word that comes out of your mouth, you feel a weight being lifted off of your chest one by one. Last night, you stayed up with countless thoughts running through your head. Countless reasons and scenarios why this marriage won't work and would be painful for both of you. Especially you.

Yoongi takes a deep inhale and lets the silence linger.

What else is even there to say? You have given this a whole lot of thinking while he has hardly ever thought about it. Which only goes on to prove your point and how different both of your views on marriage are.

Indeed, he has never shown much effort towards establishing a connection between the both of you. There's no denying that, but he wishes he could tell you that it's not because he wasn't interested in forming one but rather that he does not know how to.

He knows there's no point in clarifying that now though, it will only sound like he's making excuses. Hence, he settles for responding to you with the only sentence that he thinks is relevant.

"We can't break this alliance."

"I know," you nod. "It won't be easy but I'm sure we both will come up with a way to convince our parents."

Yoongi huffs, sensing that you are underestimating his words. "Do you know that the deal has been signed?"

Your eyes widen in shock and disbelief. "What?! H–When?"

Your reaction is enough for Yoongi to know that you indeed, had no idea about the papers being finalised and signed. Your previous words make much sense to Yoongi now and why you thought that the two of you even had any other option but to get married to each other.

"About a week ago," he replies, expression now turning sombre. "I got to know about it only a couple of days ago."

A week ago? That would be around the time you and Yoongi went on your last date where you had confessed to him your feelings. Was it around the same time that both of your doors to escape were closed?

Panic shoots through your veins when the thought that there might be no way out, comes to your mind. No, no, no. There has to be some way.

But is there really?

Yoongi's company is way bigger than your father's. If the two of you back down now, the deal will be cancelled but it will be your father's company that will suffer the most whereas Yoongi's will recover in a few days. It was one thing if the deal was not signed. No gains, no losses. But now, it would be no gain, only losses.

How can you do that to your parents knowing how much stress it will cause them?

You can't.

"I don't have any other choice, do I?" Your voice comes out small, highly in contrast with how confidently you were speaking a few minutes ago.

"I don't think we do," Yoongi sighs, a deep sadness looming over his chest at how dejected you look. "But if it makes you feel any better, we can make a deal."

An abrupt chuckle escapes your lips. "Another deal? Haven't we already had enough?"

"This deal gives you the choice to be free," he comments, noticing how a small hopeful glint appears in your eyes.

"How?"

"Let's stay married for a year, if you still want an out after that, we will get divorced."

Yoongi's words give you a pause.

You can't say that the deal is ideal but it is better than nothing. It gives you the hope that the two of you won't be stuck in a loveless marriage. It also does not create the pressure of being happy with each other because that's the only option.

After thinking for a few moments, you realise that this indeed is what it has all come down to and you'll have to accept it whether you like it or not.

"What about the business deal?" You query, your brain jumping to the concerns of the after-effects of having a divorce.

"By that time, the majority of shares will be transferred to me, I'll take care of it so that there is minimal loss."

You nod and sit back, feeling exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster this conversation has been. You just wish things were simple. That you both could get married to people you were in love with. Or that you both were in love with each other.

The thought makes you look at Yoongi. You can still feel the butterflies in your stomach but there's also this dread that tags along.

Last night, you had considered every possible scenario, and each one of them convinced you why this marriage is not a good idea. But out of all those, there was one which stood out, one that scared you the most and was the most heartbreaking.

The possibility of you falling in love with Yoongi but his response being the same as it was on your last date. You know that the pain you went through this time, would be nothing compared to the pain you would experience then.

You don't want that.

The thought scares you so much, that you make a promise to yourself to not let your guard down so that the situation never occurs.

Hoseok

"You went a little too hard on us today," you say, breathless as you take a bottle of water and uncap it.

Hoseok chuckles. "You say that after every class."

"Do I?" You ask with a small smile, knowing very well that you indeed do. But can you be blamed when Hoseok loses track of time when it comes to dancing and the only thing he focuses on is perfection?

He raises a brow as if asking you to stop pretending and you raise your arms in the air in mock surrender.

He chuckles and shakes his head in amusement. "That's what I thought."

"Oh by the way," you say all excited. "I binge-watched little women during the weekend."

Hoseok's grin widens at the thought that you took the time to watch his recommended show. "Did you enjoy it?"

A thoughtful look appears on your face. "I think it would have been better if the girls had more wins throughout but then I guess it wouldn't have been realistic."

Hoseok hums, understanding where you're coming from. That's an emotion he shares as well. While watching the show, he too wished that the girls didn't have to go through so many ups and downs.

"But you know what I liked?" You say with sparkling eyes.

"What?" Hoseok asks, the gleam in your eyes doing something to his heart.

"Choi Do-il's character!" You say with a small smirk on your lips.

Hoseok finds your behaviour amusing. "Liked him huh?"

"How can I not? He's so cool! He was so loyal to In-joo and he has such a sharp mind, made such tough decisions on the spot." You blabber. "I wish there was someone like him in real life, I'd fall for him in the blink of an eye."

"I wonder what Henry would have to say about that," he replies in a teasing tone, trying to pull your leg. But his smile fades when he sees that your excited expression has now turned sombre.

You shake your head with a soft smile. "Well, we have broken up, so I don't think he would have anything in particular to say."

Hoseok hates that his first reaction is that of joy, which is soon followed by a feeling of guilt. He had convinced himself that he wasn't waiting for this particular day but now, his reaction clearly proves otherwise.

For the time being, he puts his emotions aside and puts your feelings first.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

You sigh. "There isn't anything to talk about. The relationship had run its course."

And that's the truth.

Things were pretty smooth at first, but when the honeymoon phase faded, somewhere down the line, both of you realised that you two weren't right for each other.

The breakup wasn't painful for either of you and maybe that's what acceptance is supposed to be like. It was coming to this understanding that the both of you make great friends but there isn't much hope when it comes to something more than that.

Hoseok chews on his lower lip and wonders what's the right thing to say.

It has been six months since that day in the club and five months and three weeks since he realised that his feelings for you run deeper than he had initially thought.

The first three weeks that followed after his realisation was not easy for him at all. He tried his best to be in denial but with time, he couldn't deny it anymore and he felt anger. Anger towards himself for having the audacity to accept that he has any form of romantic feelings for you after you had been so brave about yours and had put your heart on a plate only for him to be a complete dumb wit. Which was soon followed by the feeling of loss. He lost the opportunity when he had it and won't probably ever get it again.

But after that, it started getting better.

He accepted the fact that you have moved on with someone else and are happy with them. But that doesn't mean he did not get jealous every once in a while when he stumbled upon a picture of you and Henry on Instagram. That little spark of jealousy would serve as the reminder that somewhere deep down, he still wishes for you to be his.

There have been times when he had thought about what he would do if someday, years later you and Henry were to break up. But never did he prepare himself for it. Plus, now, he finds it ridiculous that he had always thought that this would be an opportunity for him to correct his mistake when you could have very well removed any feelings for him from the very root.

Before he can figure it out though, you sense the awkward silence and make an effort to break it. "I'm over it though, it does not bother me."

Hoseok nods softly, his thoughts still muddled. "How long has it been?"

"About a month."

Hoseok observes you closely from his peripheral. He notices how relaxed your features are and concludes that the topic of your breakup isn't necessarily a painful one for you. You also seem, pretty okay with the idea of the two of you having broken up, which makes him hope that you have moved on from Henry. And if in case you haven't, he will wait as long as it takes for you to let someone new in and he will do everything he possibly can to be that someone.

"This might be inappropriate but are you planning to return to the dating world?" Hoseok tries to look as casual as he can by pretending to arrange the CDs on the shelf.

It takes a few moments for you to think about the question before you can come up with an answer.

Are you looking for someone you can date? Not really.

When you had downloaded Tinder all those months ago, it was simply so that you can find a distraction from Hoseok and move on. Fortunately, you found that and more in Henry. But now, that chapter is over and you don't find yourself actively looking for someone to be with.

"Not at the moment, no," you reply honestly. "Maybe a few months later, I'll reinstall Tinder," you laugh at the thought.

Hoseok hums, with his back facing you. "When you decide to reinstall the app, do tell me."

You don't think much of his words and innocently ask, "Why?"

The whole of Hoseok's body heats up in anxiety and he starts putting the CDs on the shelf at a much high speed. "Because then I'll install tinder too and will search you up."

Your frown morphs into an expression of surprise and your lips part to form a small 'o'.

Is…..is Hoseok saying what you think he's saying? Is it his way of saying that he would like to take you out on a date? And say, if the answer to these questions is, yes, what will you do?

In the six months that you have been with Henry, you haven't thought of Hoseok in that way. The intensity of your feelings lessened and you could let yourself be friends with him without letting your feelings get in the way.

But are your feelings for him gone?

You don't know.

Hoseok is a great friend of yours. He is nice, charming, kind, helpful and talented. Not to mention that he is utterly gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to have him as their partner. But do you still want him as one?

You look at Hoseok and realise that the thought of being with him doesn't feel weird. If anything, it causes a little bit of excitement to stir up in your stomach.

It's true that your crush on him is not as deep as it once was and you're not looking for a relationship at the moment, but for some reason, you feel like when you're ready, you may just fall for him harder than you have ever before.

Clearing your throat, you come up with a response that you think is just right. "In that case, I'll have to make sure that I don't forget to tell you about it."

Hoseok turns around immediately to look at you with a surprised look as if that was the last thing he had expected you to say. But when that surprised look turns into that of relief, your previous questions about Hoseok's intent are answered.

A smile appears on his lips when his surprise fades and he makes a promise to himself to not waste the chance you have been kind enough to give him again. "I'll eagerly wait for that day"

Something in your heart blooms at the soft look he gives you and you nod.

After that, both of your chit-chat resumes and you two giggle and laugh like never before while you pack your stuff. Once you're done, you get ready to leave. "I'll get going then?"

With a gleeful smile, Hoseok responds, "see you next Saturday."

As you're walking out of the door, a thought appears to you. "Oh, also, you can't search for people on Tinder."

And then you're gone.

Hoseok watches your retreating figure and he has to try really hard to stop smiling like a fool.

Maybe there will be no need for Tinder after all.

Namjoon

"I love Y/N," as soon as the words are out of his mouth, he winces, anticipating and dreading Yoongi's reaction.

Yoongi, on the other hand, merely blinks at Namjoon's words. ".....and?"

Out of all the reactions, Namjoon thought Yoongi would give, this was not one of them. This makes things way scarier for him because he thinks this is Yoongi's version of 'calm before the storm'.

"Listen, you can be mad at me all you want. I understand but I just wanted to let you know." Namjoon rambles, his voice coming out high-pitched.

A small frown appears on Yoongi's face. This is it, Namjoon thinks.

"Why do you assume that I'm mad?" Yoongi's question, however, leaves Namjoon perplexed. He searches for any form of pretence on Yoongi's features but when he doesn't find any, he sighs.

"I don't know–" Yoongi's frown deepening is enough for Namjoon to backtrack and start speaking the truth. "–you told me that if I were to ever try to show interest in your sister, our friendship would be over."

"I mean, I don't recall saying that but it does sound like something I'd say," Yoongi nods.

Now it's Namjoon's turn to frown. Is Yoongi mad or not? "What am I supposed to make of it?"

"Nothing," Yoongi shrugs. "I should rather ask you, what was your purpose in telling me that you have feelings for Y/N? Was it because you felt like you had to ask for my permission? Or were you scared that it would affect our friendship?" A chuckle escapes Yoongi's lips.

Namjoom sighs, feeling his muscles relax as he finally lets himself realise that Yoongi isn't mad. "I think it's more of the latter."

"So you won't ask for my permission, before pursuing her?" A scowl appears on Yoongi's face which immediately makes Namjoon stutter.

"I–I–I didn't mean that. Of course, I would ask for your permission."

Yoongi tries his hardest to hold back the satisfied smirk that tries to make an appearance. It's nice to see Namjoon being scared of him every once in a while.

"That's better," Yoongi hums. "And you don't have to worry about ruining our friendship and all that shit. That's very high school."

Namjoon feels like he can breathe again. After weeks, it feels like he can finally be honest with himself and most importantly with you, without being scared. A wide dimpled smile appears on his face at the thought of finally confessing to you.

"Gosh, that's annoying," Yoongi huffs, with no real annoyance in his tone. If anything, he's glad to see the wide grin on his friend's face. "If she does reciprocate your feelings and the two of you become a couple, I do hope that the two of you don't turn out to be one of those intolerable ones."

You find almost everything intolerable. That's the thought that comes to Namjoon's mind but before he can speak those words, a much scary thought appears to him which takes his breath away.

"What if Y/N does not accept my feelings?" His voice comes out in a whisper, too scared to speak those words loudly.

Yoongi thinks the chances of that happening are very low. But he chooses not to say it. It's your feelings, you're the only one who knows where they lie. Yoongi does not wish to assume. Instead, he chooses to assure his friend that even if he were to get turned down, he will be there for him.

"I will order a bottle of champagne and soju, each. If things work out, then we will celebrate with champagne. If they don't, then we can have soju."

Namjoon is grateful for Yoongi's words, he really is but the fear that courses through his veins makes it impossible for him to think straight. "You don't get it. She confessed to me and I turned her down."

This time, a genuine scowl appears on Yoongi's face. "Why would you do that?"

Namjoon lets out a heavy breath. "I thought you'd be mad and our friendship would get ruined."

Yoongi tries his hardest not to let his eyes roll but ultimately fails. "Now I remember why I had told you not to pursue my sister."

Namjoon's heart drops at the comment. Is Yoongi about to change his mind?

"One because it was high school and you were going through your fuckboy stage," Yoongi says, with squinted eyes that make it obvious that he's judging Namjoon. "Second, you were dense as fuck at times. Which, clearly, hasn't changed even now."

That had been two days ago.

After the very scary chat session with Yoongi, Namjooon needed some time to recover. Two days to be exact. Now he has finally managed to grab the courage to talk to you and be honest.

His hands hover in the air for a few moments before he knocks. He hopes and wants this to go well, otherwise, he thinks, he won't be able to forgive himself.

You frown when you hear the knock. Who has decided to bother you on a fine Sunday?

You set aside the book you were reading and begrudgingly get up. With heavy steps, you head towards the door and swing it open. The regret that hits you is instantaneous. You should have checked through the peephole before opening.

Namjoon notices your features drop and it makes him feel terribly guilty for his actions and words. With that guilt, also comes the strong need to make things right.

"Do you need something?" You keep your tone cold to avoid any display of emotion. It's not that you are mad at him for the rejection. You're hurt about it, sure. Mad? No.

However, you feel incredibly embarrassed about confessing the way you did. You are aware that you were under the influence of alcohol but that doesn't make it any less humiliating.

"I need to talk to you," Namjoon replies shakily as he finds his anxiety increasing. What if you have decided to move on or have come to the conclusion that he isn't worth it?

You'd really like to make an excuse as to why you wouldn't be able to talk right now but something in you makes you decide otherwise. Maybe it's because you don't want things to be awkward between the two of you as it would put Yoongi in a tough spot. Or maybe it's because you hate seeing Namjoon so anxious, that you find yourself moving out of his way.

"Can I take a seat?" He asks awkwardly, with his index finger pointing at the couch, when he realises that you are simply waiting for him to start talking about whatever it is that he is here for.

You are aware that you are being rude but you honestly don't know how to behave 'normally' around him, anymore. So, you simply hum and wait for him to take a seat.

"Uhm," he clears his throat, "I wanted to talk to you about what happened at the party."

"We can talk about anything but that," you say pointedly. There's no way you are going to talk about that night when all you want is to leave that memory somewhere far behind.

Namjoon notices the discomfort that etches your features despite your attempts at hiding it and sighs. "Okay, then I won't bring that up but I need to tell you something."

"Go on."

Namjoon takes in a deep breath before closing his eyes to grab the courage to let the words spill out. "I'm in love with you."

At first, the words don't sink in.

You stand there, leaning against the wall, watching Namjoon. However, when you see the scared and anxious look on his face, you replay his words in your mind.

I'm in love with you.

He's in love with you.

The thought makes you angry.

You scoff. "Do you expect me to take you seriously?"

Namjoon shakes his head. "I don't expect you to but just hear me out."

"I don't want to." You declare stubbornly.

"I know but give me just one chance to explain myself." He pleads gently, not wanting you to feel as if you have to hear him out. He has already caused you enough pain and if you choose that you do not wish to hear him out, he is going to respect that.

You want to laugh at Namjoon's request. You can accept the fact that he does not have feelings for you, no matter how hard that might be. But accepting that he is in love with you after the pain that you have been through? You can't accept that.

You'd very much like to close this topic and never have either of you mention it. But you can't say no to Namjoon when he looks like that. He is one of your biggest weaknesses and not hearing him out would cause you pain as well.

Instead of telling him verbally that you will hear him out, you look out of the window and stare outside blankly, which is enough for Namjoon to know that you're listening.

"I never thought that my feelings would be reciprocated. Which is why, I did not know what to say and said what I thought was right, at the time," his voice comes out vulnerable.

You feel your annoyance flaring. If that really were the case he could have just said the truth. Why lie? Whose first instinct is to lie about their feelings, upon realising that they are not one sided?

Namjoon's next words answer your unasked question. "After my last two relationships ended the way, they did, I thought that all my relationships were destined to be doomed. I was scared to commit to anyone, especially you."

He sighs. "If we were to date and break up, it would change everything not only for the both of us but also for Yoongi. And if that were to happen I'd never be able to forgive myself."

It was around the time that Namjoon mentioned his last two relationships, that you stopped pretending to not care about what he had to say. You know how sensitive the topic is for him and for him to bring it up now, it must be serious.

To put it simply, his last two relationships ended terribly. But each time, Namjoon blamed himself and thought that it was entirely his fault, which you know isn't the case.

Now that Namjoon breaks it down to you, you find your anger fading and find yourself sympathising with him. You may not agree with his actions but you can understand where he was coming from.

What you don't understand, however, is why he is telling you these things. If you're understanding him right, he said what he said at the party because he was scared. But now, he is here, telling you that he loves you. But why?

"Why are you telling me this?" You ask and you are surprised by the lack of coldness in your voice. Maybe it's because he's being vulnerable with you that gives you the courage to put your embarrassment aside for the time being.

Namjoon smiles softly. "I had a chat with Yoongi and it made me realise that I am the only one who thinks this way."

He was indeed scared shitless of his feelings affecting the friendship between him and Yoongi. He had taken Yoongi's cautionary way too seriously and while he was under that impression, what scared him even more was that he would take the risk of being with you only to later wish that he had stayed in his lane. He thought that maybe Yoongi too shares the same viewpoint as he does and hence had asked him to stay from you.

When he had gathered the courage to talk about it to Yoongi, it was with the intention of getting Yoongi's approval. Namjoon already knew that he wasn't going to listen to the voice in his head and that you were worth the risk.

However, when Namjoon went back to his dorms and thought about the conversation he had with Yoongi, it made him realise that he was the only one who was holding these beliefs. Not only that, but Yoongi's reaction made him believe in himself, because even if Yoongi won't ever say it out loud, his calm and nonchalant behaviour was him letting Namjoon know that he trusts him.

"Plus," Namjoon continues, "I know I would regret it forever if I were to let you go simply because I was scared."

You swallow at his words as any remaining trace of anger is washed away from your body.

You know it can't be easy to do something when your insecurities are constantly telling you to do otherwise. But him doing just that, serves as a testimony of his love for you. Hence, even though at the beginning you weren't willing to accept his declaration of love, now you find your heart melting.

"So," you fiddle with your fingers. "What does all this mean?"

"Well if you have forgiven me for my stupidity, I'd like to take you out on a date." Namjoon hopes it isn't too soon to ask you out. But more than anything else, he wishes for your forgiveness.

His words make your chest hurt and you immediately rush to make things clear. "There's nothing to be forgiven, I never held a grudge against you."

"But you wouldn't even look at me?" He asks, with a pained look.

Your heart sinks further. You had thought that it was only painful for you clearly that wasn't the case. "That's because I was embarrassed. It's just incredibly stupid to get drunk because you saw the man you love kissing someone else and then going and confessing like that."

Aaaahhhh.

Right, that whole him making out with someone, thing. He now remembers you mentioning it at the party.

"Sorry to break it to you, but I did not kiss anyone," a small amused smile plays on his lips. "I was only helping the girl to get rid of something that had gotten into her eyes."

Your eyes widen when you hear that. Gosh, could you be any more stupid? You close your eyes tightly and groan in annoyance.

Namjoon gets up from the couch and slowly walks towards you. He understands why it might have looked like he was making out with someone, after all, parties have the worst lighting. But he doesn't want you to feel embarrassed about it. After all, if it hadn't been for that misunderstanding, you would have never confessed and neither would he.

After a small moment of hesitation, he puts his palm on your cheek and urges you to open your eyes.

"Hey," he whispers. "I'm really glad you misunderstood things that day. But I can assure you, that yours are the only lips I would ever want to kiss."

His words make you gulp. Here you were drowning in embarrassment a few moments ago and here you are now, breathless from the close proximity.

"Prove it," you whisper back.

Namjoon's eyes fall on your lips. As much as he would like to feel how soft your lips are, he wants to do things right.

With great willpower, he brings his eyes back to yours and kisses you on the forehead. "Trust me, there's nothing more I want than kissing you right now. But I want to take you out on a date first."

You chuckle at his words. "Well then, take me out on a date and at the end of it, kiss me like you mean it."

Namjoon's heart does a little dance at your words and he already feels his mind coming up with ideas of how he can make the date one that you never forget. "I'll make the date as perfect as you are."

Maybe you two will indeed be like one of those couples, Yoongi finds intolerable.

A/N: I definitely plan to write a Ceo Yoongi series with these two, hence that's how I decided to write them for this part!

For early access to maknae line and for choosing what characters you want the maknae line to play, head over to my patreon! Hope you enjoyed reading this part!

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narrynukezankielover · 9 months ago

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I find the beginning of I’m No Angel cute and funny. Dean is worried sick about Cas especially once he finds out that the angels are working together and killing people. He says if they get to him before we do and all Sam does is sit there trying hard not to tell Dean to calm his ass down. It’s an example of Sam knowing which I really like. Then when they are looking for Cas and Dean describes him as dark hair and blue eyes. It’s a simple description yet I still love it. He’s spent enough time eye f*cking Cas he should know the colour of his eyes.

The poor boy looked like he was about 2 seconds away from losing it from seeing Cas dead and i’m pretty sure in the script it doesn’t say Cas dies then Dean places his hands on both sides of Cas face lovingly anf gently.

I absolutely love this part. First of all as Ezekiel (I know it’s Gadriel but at this point they don’t) is fixing Cas Dean is mouthing come on. Sam faints after Ezekiel fixes Cas and Dean is about to go over to check on Sam and as soon as he hears Cas say his name his head whipped around soooo fast. Then Dean takes another opportunity to put his hands on Cas leg and chest. Think this is Jensens choice again and I’m very happy with his choices.

This actually made me bust out laughing. Cas told Dean and Sam that he had sex with April (think that was her name). Dean looks proud and Sam looks disgusted. I think Sam is trying to figure out why Cas would tell them that not realizing that Cas told Dean back a few seasons ago that he was a virgin so he knew Dean at least would be happy for him. Personally I don’t think Cas really liked misses even before she started torturing him I think it was just a human thing he wanted to experience.

This broke my heart. I feel bad for Dean. He’s in such a hard place. He either has to tell Cas to leave and have him defend for himself as a human which he’s not used to doing and running away from angels that want to kill him or he lets Cas stay and Sam dies. The worst thing is he was extremely happy to finally have Cas in the bunker where he could protect him and take care of him and then gets his heart broken when told he has to tell Cas to leave. I’m guessing the writers tried to explain it with Dean defending Cas and saying that he’s the one that the angels are after, he only let Ezekiel possess Sam because Cas said he was a good angel and that he has the tattoo. Ezekiel saying that misses found Cas even with the tattoo but they never explained how misses found Cas. Dean is extremely confused because he knows the tattoo keeps the angels from finding people so Cas should be protected. I feel bad for Cas because now he has to be by himself again but I also feel bad for Dean because he had to be the one to tell Cas to leave.

If Cas could see the love and sadness in Dean eyes here he would forgive him right away (Heaven Cant’t Wait). I know Dean doesn’t want Sam around or talking to Cas because he knows if he does Sam will say something about Cas deciding to leave and Cas would tell Sam that Dean told him to leave and Sam would know something was wrong since Dean wanted Cas in the bunker but it’s a nice excuse for Cas and Dean to be alone. Sam questioned Dean if there’s no case and you’re not going to see Cas then what’s the point? At least Sam knows how much Dean wants to see Cas. Cas obviously wanted to see Dean too since he called him about the case not Sam. Well 99% of the time he does call Dean but right now he’s feeling rejected by Dean and yet he still calls him and probably knows Dean will drop everything to go there.

Dean says I can’t let you do this and I didn’t see the way Cas looked at him at first but then I realized Cas was hoping he would say don’t go on this date stay here with me.

Dean tells Cas to unbutton some of the buttons on his shirt and Dean is obviously enjoying the sight. He has a huge smile on his face and checking Cas out then when he realizes Cas is looking at him he goes back to making sure Cas looks good.

Earlier in the ep Dean was being as asshole telling Cas he was too good to be working in a little store not realizing Cas has to get money now for food, supplies and whatever else he needs or wants. I think Dean still looks at Cas and sees the strong (as in mentally) angel that he’s used to. He’s used to Cas being more then happy to help them with cases and now that Cas wants to be good at his job Dean didn’t understand it until this point. He now realizes Cas is still mentally strong and if he got to be human he’s going to do it the best he can. He even tells Cas he’s proud of him and Cas looks happy to hear it. I think hearing that Dean is proud of him made him feel better about Dean telling him to leave the bunker. In an earlier ep (the dead people turning to zombies one) Dean couldn’t understand why Bobbys wife wasn’t telling Bobby the truth. She said to Dean you’ve never been in love have you. She wanted to keep Bobby happy and protected (I can’t remember her exact words). Here Dean didn’t tell Cas that the spell was irreversible because he thought Cas was happy as a human and didn’t know what he would do if he knew he was never going to be an angel again. I guess Dean is in love now. Lastly when Cas got out of the car you can see how hard it was for both of them to say goodbye. Dean actually had to let out a deep breath before he could look at Cas again and Cas looked sad as he walked to the store.

#castiel #cockles #dean x castiel #destiel #deancas

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mirpuzzle · 9 months ago

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I've been really curious about this, who are your top ten Yu-Gi-Oh characters?

Hello! 🌷 Usually, I only have a few favorites. So, aside from the first three, the rest is constantly changing. I'll try to put them in order (all under the cut).

♡. 10 ── Carly Nagisa (5Ds)

What's not to love about her? She's funny, pretty, and a complete mess of a person. She gets in all sorts of trouble, all because she's trying to make a living. I like it when she gets screen time.

♡. 9 ── Noa Kaiba (DM)

He was my favorite as a kid, so I still have a special place in my heart for him. His story made me cry. He did not deserve that. He only wanted others to understand him. You're valid, Noa.

♡. 8 ── Yusei Fudo (5Ds)

It's rare for me to favor a protagonist. That's how you know he's good. This man is a blessing to Yugioh. He has a natural charisma that's impossible to ignore. He's perfect.

♡. 7 ── Bandit Keith (DM)

...I think. I have mixed feelings toward him. I don't even know why he's on this list. I keep going to him in games where Kotsuzuka is not there. So, that must mean I like him, right? I'm confused.

Cross Duel showed me he can be really nice to you if you help him win. I appreciate how he helps other duelists fortify their decks, using the themes they originally had instead of giving them a completely new deck. He cares.

While there's no excuse for what he did to Kotsuzuka and the boys, the fact that, behind that 'bad guy' front, there's a sad, broken man makes me feel bad for him. He deserves to heal.

♡. 6 ── Ryou Bakura (DM)

The anime doesn't do him justice. The more I learn about him through other fans and Duel Links, the more I like him. He's a precious cream puff who likes spooky stuff and is treated terribly by almost everyone. He deserves better (friends).

♡. 5 ── Divine (5Ds)

This man is terrible in every way, and that's the point. I hate that his character was designed to be hated. He gets no backstory, no redemption arc, no nothing. He's just there to be blamed for every bad thing that's ever happened. I pity him. He's the worst. I love this guy.

♡. 4 ── Thief King Bakura (DM)

PLEASE give this guy a break. He has gone through enough. The way he pulled himself back up after all that tragedy is impressive. Imagine how one skillful Thief became a Pharaoh's major threat. A Thief who brings up important moral questions that society seems to ignore (deliberately). He deserves to be heard.

♡. 3 ── Kiyoshi Takaido & Satake (DM)

They share third place because I can't have one without the other. I automatically started loving them because they're close friends with Kotsuzuka. I like that they care about him. These guys have so much potential to explore, and it's a shame we see so little of them.

They're not 'Keith's lackeys'. They're duelists in their own right. They have ambitions and aspirations. They just didn't get to be in the spotlight.

♡. 2 ── Yami Bakura (DM)

Sometimes switches places with Takaido and Satake but usually stays in second place. He's wickedly perfect. From his gorgeous design to how he pretends everything is part of his plan, even though he's literally dissipating into nothingness. He has the nerve to make empty threats that he never carries out. And I love him for that. No one can deny that he looks cool when he shows how evil™️ he is.

There's something beautiful about this ancient evil spirit dedicating his existence to fulfill his objective - all while showing us that he can enjoy normal human activities, like playing games. The complexity of his character captivates me. You can study him for hours, and it will still take you a while to figure him out due to his confusing lore. I like reading what other fans have to say about him.

The way he makes others suffer causes me to have mixed feelings. Sure, I love angst. I just wish there were some feelings involved.

Seeing him make enemies with almost everyone he crosses paths with makes me think he wants to keep everyone away, and that's sad. I want him to care about someone other than himself. I want someone to care about him.

♡. 1 ── Ghost Kotsuzuka (DM)

Yes, that one guy who's known for using Zombie-Type monsters. That short, spooky 15-year-old who walks around hunched over pretending to be a ghost, not realizing he's too cute to be scary. That naive boy who trusted the wrong person and then was unlucky enough to cross paths with the main antagonist. He's my favorite.

I love him. The way his eyes light up when he talks about the things he likes is adorable. I could listen to him gush about ghosts for hours.

His character tends to be frustratingly misinterpreted and overlooked. It's sad that some people think of him as nothing more than collateral damage to Yami Bakura's 'mischief'. He deserves better than that.

When you see past his 'side antagonist' role, you realize he's a precious little guy who's trying his best. Behind that ghostly, mischievous smile, there's a lost youth looking for guidance from a 'big bro' figure he can look up to, whether he realizes this or not.

Despite the differences in his characterization between the manga, anime, and games, one thing remains consistent. He grows into someone who wants to prove he can duel by himself.

But what does he get? Nothing but pain. Betrayed, deceived, ending up dead or lost in the darkness, condemned in almost every canon, with only his sentient Duel Links data to remember him by.

He only wanted to duel.

---------------------ꕥ

I'll stop here. Otherwise, I'll be talking about Kotsuzuka for hours. Thank you so much for the ask! ♡ Sorry that it took a while. I was struggling to organize what I wanted to say for some of the characters, and I wanted to add some art :3

Keep in mind that I've only seen Duel Monsters and the first half of 5Ds, so there are many characters I don't know yet.

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mari-lair · 6 months ago

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Good point, but he also made friends with the ants before he knew Kite was dead. But geez, Gon desperately trying to get Killua to remember him mixed with Killua's now very skittish personality...although I do wonder when this would have happened? I guess the first thought that comes to mind would be when Killua almost bleeds to death, but there's several places in the arc you could potentially make it. No matter what though, this is so heartbreaking. Trying to get Kite AND Killua back and feeling so alone...part of me wants to explore it further and the other part wants it as far away from me as possible.

As for the Zoldycks, Alluka was locked up when she was pretty young and they were scared of her because they couldn't control her. They spent years with Killua, and although I don't like the Zoldycks, they would be absolutely heartbroken to realize that Killua was dead. Illumi is rather obsessive about Killua so I think that would seriously affect him (he'd still probably try to control Killua), but I don't see them casting him out. But Gon would fight like hell so they wouldn't take him away. He's not letting them hurt him again, not ever.

What hurts more is that while I imagine Killua does his best in the Ant Gon AU to accept him as a new person (Apo), I feel like Gon wouldn't be able to handle that. His name IS Killua, they used to be best friends, why can't he remember?! He tries to be patient, but he's just so hurt and overwhelmed by everything that's happened. No matter what though, he's not leaving Killua's side again. He won't fail him again, and he'll get his memories back at any cost. There has to be a way, and he won't stop until he's whole again. Or maybe if he changes like Killua did, they can be together again...(oh god, imagining them both as ants together...)

...damn, this hurts. Why would you do this to us? XD

Gon did befriend Meleon before learning Kite is dead but I still can't personally see him targeting ants as a whole cause he always treated them as individuals, being angry when they treated their friends as trash even before Kite's death and choosing to trust Meleon when he was already full of rage from seeing Kite's broken body. I think (?) Melon even mentioned that when he saw Gon, he saw a 'beast' in him.

He also never blames the king/queen or another ant when Kite did die, it's just Pitou, (which split to himself too since Pitou shows compassion and stop being an 'easy' target for gon's hate) from start to finish (sorry for the side track I know it was a minimal thing of your ask but I get too excited when I talk about CA Gon, I will yap about my boy!! yufgytfdyt)

I'll admit I didn't have a specific timeline in mind of when Killua was turned (again the lore is not in my hands) but your idea of him being transformed during the cave breaks my heart. It would have to be an au where the queen somehow didn't die (maybe the king wasn't born prematurily? idk), since only she can birth chimera ants from what I remember, but AUs are all about bending canon and the mental image of Gon never getting the phone call from Killua and slowly realizing people are acting as if he is already dead so he explodes and goes to search for him make me sad... (So i am sharing cause i must spread my pain)

man... I don't even want to think about Gon's mental state, it makes me too sad... I will lose my whimsy and get too focused on this au..

Yes, I agree about the zoldycks! I don't think they would lock up, disown, or ignore ant!killua, they are very tuned to family and indeed love him lots (twisted as said love is), I just don't think they would still want to make him the heir, cause even outside the whole 'non human' thing, Killua is irreparably anxious now. This is not a ploy to try to control him and make him leave Gon to die and become an assassin, is just who he is, and someone that get anxious in the face of power/the unknown is a weakness even to an assassin in big doses. But mentioning Illumi and the family heartbreak does make me realize something! The zolfyck would also want to bring his memory back, and considering the needle, if anyone would be able to get his memories back it would be Illumi. Gon love can make him remember flashes and vague memories (I adore how love make nen do incredible feats in this manga) but getting his whole life forcefully and violently back from start to finish? Illumi is the answer. And he will try to control him too, likely better since he now have both manipulation nen and Killua's memories to use against Ant!Killua.

I really like the idea Gon can't adapt to 'Killua' no longer being Killua. Cause for as sweet as he can be Gon is self-centered as hell so is very on brand, and to make things even worse than the Killua with Apo scenario, ant!Killua (who I don't have a name for so you can come up with one Edit: his name is Lua) is quick to give up, he doesn't want to get into a big argument and make Gon upset and Gon is already very sad (note: Ant!Killua just assumed saying gon is wrong about this would lead to an argument, so in practice they barely reach the talking stage, which just make gon fully confident Killua also wants to be Killua again, so he is more reckless about it and make killua hate it more but gon is doing it for him, and is an endless circle someone pls help them-)

#'i love miscomunication and trauma' the au #man i am so tired from work i hope this doesn't have a bagilion grammar errors

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deanstudies101 · 1 month ago

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5x10, Abandon All Hope

[mid-season finale]

Critical theory: Sacrifice. Family. Fathers. Inevitability.

Discussion point/question(s): Cas in holy fire as a genre of images.

Key quotes: (2x06, Ellen “Joanna Beth, this family has lost enough. I won't lose you too.”); Dean, “Bobby, it’s Dean. We got problems.” Bobby, “It’s okay boy, that’s why I’m here.”; Lucifer, “What a peculiar thing you are.”

Further reading:

“Last night on earth” is Dean’s pick up line. And he used it on Cas (@drulalovescas)

Discussion:

Quite sad innit.

Not exactly a surprise. They are women. It was a more classy death than most women on the show. Well written. Jo’s dad comes to mind—he died because John used him as bait, and John failed whatever he was trying. They both died as bait. But this was an active choice that they made. Dean was really trying to avoid the reality, didn’t want to face it, couldn’t look at her. He didn’t want to cope with that particular loss. And the fact 'hat it was hell hounds, that he’s well acquainted with and has trauma over. [The thing that always gets me. Ellen stays so that she doesn't have to live after Jo dies. And she still does.] But there was no way she was going to abandon her daughter. That would never happen. And good thing she did stay, because Jo wouldn’t have managed it alone. [Actually, I think Jo died because her mum hugged her. She felt safe to let go, maybe?] Yeah, maybe she would’ve held on otherwise.

It’s sad because it’s pointless death. And like, obviously they’re not going to kill Lucifer halfway through the season, you know that they’re going to fail. Obviously they’re going to fail. [It hurts because they don’t know they’re in the mid-season finale.]

[Mid-season finale moment.][When I came up with the theory, this was the season that I remembered the easiest. It has two parts. I have written a little note to myself that one is more important than the other to me, and it’s not the one you think.] Kai, Cas and Lucifer have a conversation about God. Iga, a theme of sacrifice and failure, but need some time to digest the episode. Kai, yeah, a vibe of pointlessness, it’s so big it’s out of their hands.

Iga, I think I said a while ago that it would be funny if Lucifer came out and he doesn’t even like the demons. [Possibly. But. You did say. After 4x22; “It would be funny if Lucifer and Cas have a conversation, and Lucifer goes ‘you’re just like me bro.’” And I just put in brackets. [Damn that would be funny.]] Oh damn. Called it.

[Lucifer, “What a peculiar thing you are.” He's the devil. The devil just looked Cas in the face and said “you’re different.”] He doesn’t fit anywhere but with these weird hunters. [It is tism. But also for me. How world shattering. You’re a rebellious fallen angel, and thee rebellious fallen angel is like, yeah you’re like me, but no you’re not.] But it’s like, there’s that sense when you’re around people that you’re just. Different. There is something different about you. [I think for me it’s like. Cas doesn’t fit on either side. He’s on people's side.]

Iga, “Crowley is the only one with a brain.” Lucifer made demons to prove that humans aint shit. To corrupt them and bring out their worst. Or course he won’t like them. He hates everything they came from. Of course he’s not going to take them to heaven. [I love Crowly.][[What follows are all direct quotes.]] Iga, he’s hot. Kai, yeah he’s hot. Iga, I’d fuck him. [Okay.] Iga, is that not allowed? [[the truth is this is too funny to me. I’m saying nothing.]] Iga, Dean and Crowly fuck, right? [[oh drowley summer of love.]] Iga, Cas, Dean, and Crowly are like, dream threesome, and ideal blunt rotation. I don’t smoke weed. But I’d watch them. Kai, like yes, it would be a great threesome, but Cas and Crowley would both get crazy possessive over Dean. Iga, no, they’d fuck each other. It’d be hate fucking, but they would.

After this they both apologised for derailing the discussion after a very serious episode where Jo and Ellen died, but they like Crowly. [No no. We’ll circle back.] … Do Cas and Crowly fuck? [We’ll circle back.]

What gets people into hell or into heaven? At least for people who don’t make demon deals. Good Place situation. What’s the point system? We haven’t heard of anyone getting to heaven. Like, what happened to John? He escaped hell. [So. He escaped hell, through the devil’s gate. I think the implication is that he goes to heaven, but it’s unclear. And ? The ghost in Roadkill? Does she go to heaven?] She like looks at the sun and fizzles out. They always talk about peace, like finding peace. [We’ll circle back. But I honestly don’t know how clear they ever make it.] It’s just general questions about the lore. If someone stays behind as a spirit, they’re not in heaven or in hell, but then do shitty things as a spirit? [I don’t know. It’s a good question. I feel like they frame the spirits as evil most of the time, but I don't know? They kinda just… stop existing.] And we know the spirits aren’t evil, they’ve just been here too long, and they don’t really know what they're doing, a lot of times they were victims.

Sam is no longer the main character. Dean got a goodbye with Jo. Ellen got a goodbye with Jo. Sam didn’t go anywhere near Jo. His only job was getting Dean to realise Jo was dying and to go say bye to her. [And like, I’d sat the two have equal history with her. Obviously Jo was attached to Dean…] And it was a soft crush, a bit of tension both ways, but very innocent, which makes the kiss very sad. [But there was that whole thing with Sam and Jo with the possession episode… equal interaction. Also. The scene with just Sam and Lucifer? Jared’s acting lets it down.] Kai, knowing how Jared was on set, maybe they did write a goodbye with Jo, but he was goofing too much they they didn’t get anything good. [Or maybe it was the bad acting.] He can’t do serious episodes. But by God can he goof. [I wish I was still 16 and didn’t care about bad acting.]

[I loved watching them watch this. Because, it’s so ingrained that like, yeah, there are things the Colt can’t kill, but this is the first time we see that! I don’t remember my reaction to finding out the Colt can’t kill Lucifer. And they were shocked. It was all “That’s not really Lucifer. It’s not the real Colt. Someone fucked with the Colt.” But no, that’s Lucifer, that’s the Colt, it just doesn’t work. It’s so beautiful.]

Who are the five beings? God? Michael, probably for balance? Lucifer and the four horsemen? God, Lucifer, Michael. Maybe Death? Death. [theories on this, with spoilers for seasons 6 onwards; https://www.reddit.com/r/Supernatural/comments/3kp9g9/figured_it_out_5_things_the_colt_cant_kill/ ]

The Colt was clearly made by a hunter who was autistic and hyper fixated on killing demons/hunting etc. So, did God make these beings immune to the Colt before it was created? How do the gun mechanics work? Need to know more about this gun.

Notes: Iga, 4x22; “It would be funny if Lucifer and Cas have a conversation, and Lucifer goes ‘you’re just like me bro.’” [Damn that would be funny.]

mid-season finale moment under the cut

Lucifer does tell Sam exactly what will happen; Sam will say yes, it will be within six months, and it will happen in Detroit. However, for me, the more important one is

5x10 Ellen’s “I will not leave you here alone.” to 5x22 Dean’s “I’m not gonna let him die alone.” It's about saying 'even if there's nothing I can do to change it, I'm going to be there anyway.' And in the end, that is what changes things

#supernatural #spn 5x10 #5x10 #abandon all hope #class notes

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shallowseeker · 5 months ago

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Worth pointing out... Dean is a soldier.

In this episode, 5x03, he came all this way expecting to die with Cas facing an archangel, which is the thing he may arguably be the most afraid of in this particular moment (with the recent stuff with Lucifer, Michael, etc)

...all because Cas asked.

Dean's used to risking his life for loved ones, friends, and fellow hunters all the damn time. Like... the sad thing IS that when it comes to risking his life for others? It hardly registers.

Back in 2x20, we saw that when faced with happiness, Dean remembered John's "heroic" example.

DEAN: It's like my old life is, is coming after me or something. Like it like it doesn't want me to be happy. Course I know what you'd say. Well, not the you that played softball but... "So go hunt the Djinn. He put you here, it can put you back. Your happiness for all those people's lives, no contest. Right?" But why? Why is it my job to save these people? Why do I have to be some kind of hero? (begins to cry while talking) What about us, huh?

It's what most, nearly all (?), of the soldier-coded characters tend to do. I think too of Mary in Apocalypse-word. The sad part is that, in many ways, the real Mary is even more of a soldier than John was.

MARY: (looking uncomfortable) I, uh...Boys, um...About that. [Dean and Sam look at their mother, confused. Mary sighs.] MARY: I’m not going back. DEAN: I’m sorry. What? MARY: I fought beside these people. I respect them. I respect their cause. You can’t expect me to just abandon them. SAM: No, Mom, that’s not -- You heard what Lucifer said. We have 31 hours -- MARY: I -- Sam...Dean...I know what you went through to come find me. [Dean scoffs at that. He is obviously upset.] MARY: But these people are being slaughtered. They need me here. DEAN: (getting angry) No, we need you, Mom. We do.

#according to my asks this is something i should weigh in on #so here you go #i don't know the specifics but apparently people are playing the game of *dean is one dimensional and cares only about one thing* again...#which is a weird game for anyone to play #imagine these ppl being parents i mean #which of my loved ones would i kill/save if i had to is the domain of sadists and weirdos #sorry if i missed the mark on the discourse #but this is as close to it as i will get #many of these characters are willing to die for each other AND NAMELESS CIVILIANS all the time???? that's sort of the whole point #all the letting the world burn crap is just the angels shifting blame and using others as scapegoats...as others have put so more eloquentl #even the darkness/the mark was chuck's burden #it wasn't even lucifer's or cain's when you get to the heart of it #yet it is laid at the feet of scapegoats because it's convenient to pretend they broke the world #a similar thing happened to gadreel #poor guy didn't break the universe he was just blamed way out of proportion

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sigritandtheelves · 1 year ago

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All Along, Like Fire (Part 7)

FINAL PART!

Mature | 3.4k words | MSR, AU

—

October 13, 1995

Mulder sat alone in his apartment, head in his hands, staring at the floor and thinking. Diana was gone—her things gone, most of the furniture, even the crock pot his mother gave them for their wedding. He wanted to believe that all of this wasn’t his fault, but he felt like a failure for the way their marriage had ended. And for the decisions he’d been forced to make because of it. At his feet was a lone cardboard box of photocopies, the most important documents he was able to salvage. It was the all he had left of the X-Files.

His clothes were also boxed up, along with his books, his trophies, his diplomas and knickknacks. Tomorrow morning, a moving truck would arrive, and he would say goodbye to this place forever. He wasn’t sorry. Just sad, a little ashamed. He’d let Diana make a fool of him here, let her seduce truths out of him while he was blindly manipulated for years. He’d planned to sulk alone until it was time to load the truck, but a knock on the door startled him. He opened it to three familiar faces.

“Well well well,” Frohike said. “If it isn’t the spooky birthday boy on Friday the 13th.” The little man shoved a bottle of Jack Daniels into Mulder’s chest and pushed into the apartment.

“Happy Birthday, man.” This from Langly who toted three pizzas, which he tossed onto the coffee table. Byers echoed the sentiment, carrying a mysterious white box under his arm.

“What are you guys doing here?” Mulder asked, not unkindly.

“Couldn’t let you sit alone on your birthday, could we? We’ve got a lot to celebrate.”

“We do?”

Frohike was digging around in the kitchen cabinet for glasses, but they were almost all packed away. He settled for a quartet of coffee mugs and plastic novelty cups. “Yes! Imminent divorce and new beginnings! Fighting the good fight!” He carried the dishes in and passed them around.

“We’re gonna miss you, Mulder,” Byers said. “But we all agree this is a good step. You can do some really good work this way.”

“Then why do I feel so crappy?” Mulder poured shots of the Jack Daniels into the mismatched cups.

“When’s the last time you saw Scully?” Langley asked, flipping open the first pizza and digging in for a slice.

“Last week.” Mulder frowned.

“Well, there’s your answer. Cheers.” Frohike knocked mugs with Mulder and threw back a shot. “All in good time, my man.”

Mulder downed his shot with a wince and reached for a slice of pizza. “What’s in the box?”

Langley waggled his eyebrows. “Goodies,” he said.

“Open it up,” Byers tapped the lid of the unmarked container.

Inside were several gadgets, one of which looked like a large gray brick, and at least two bulky phones with fat antennas.

Byers explained, “Those are hacked satellite phones that will connect from anywhere. They’re essentially untraceable and should hold their battery for several days between charges. Good for off-grid work.”

Langley was too excited to wait for him to ask about the brick. “And this one’s a hacked satellite modem. You’ll have internet no matter how remote you are. New tech, definitely not consumer hardware.”

“So you can stay in touch,” Byers added.

At the bottom of the box was a new laptop, which Mulder was sure had a range of nonstandard additions and upgrades.

“And we’re gonna come out to visit,” Frohike said. “Soon. Maybe this winter if that’s okay.” If Mulder didn’t know better, he’d think the man was choking up. He was touched, and another wave of sadness washed over him.

“Thanks guys,” he said, voice thick.

—

San Diego, CA

The warm California air made Scully think of her childhood—fond memories with Melissa on base housing, sticky summers when freckles appeared on all the Scully children’s noses. She drove up in front of a small house that was so like the one in which she’d spent those years. She double checked the address against the one on her paper; it was right, though she couldn’t imagine this unassuming abode as the site of any secret research. There was a small garden out front, wind chimes hanging from the porch roof. She breathed in deeply. There was no reason not to go in now except the terrifying thundering of her heart and the sense that there was no going back after this. She opened the driver’s side door and got out.

On the porch, she was greeted by two unsmiling men—not hired muscle, she thought. Maybe doctors in plainclothes to blend in with the suburban atmosphere. They wore khakis and polo shirts and the looked around, suspicious, before letting her in. Beyond the foyer, the inside of the house couldn’t be any more different than its outside. It was sterile, white, and filled with beeping machines and medical equipment.

“This way,” one of the men said. He led her up the stairs to the second floor landing, where a woman in scrubs was backing out of a room, closing the door behind her. The man led Scully to the left, to an open bedroom door that was just as sterile, just as white as the downstairs. Here, though, a crib sat in the corner—also white—with a mobile of farm animals hanging over it. In the center of the room stood Diana Fowley. Scully’s eyes ping-ponged between the crib and the woman she didn’t trust at all.

“Agent Scully,” Diana said.

“Not anymore.”

The other woman’s mouth twitched into a smile. “Right, of course.”

“Where is she?” Scully’s heart was pounding, and she wouldn’t allow herself to think about what—or who—was behind the other doors of this nightmare suburban experiment.

“In the crib,” Diana said, stepping aside to let Scully see. “She’s sleeping.”

Scully took three steps closer. She couldn’t breathe. As she approached, she saw a tiny figure in a onesie covered in stars, little fingers curled into fists on either side of her auburn head. “Oh my god,” she whispered.

The child looked perfect. She moved her lips into a subtle dreamy frown, and her long lashes lay against pink cheeks. Scully bent over to lay a hand on the baby’s chest, to feel the movement of her steady breathing and the tiny flutter of her heart.

“You can pick her up,” Diana said. “She’s yours now.”

Tears were blurring Scully’s vision. She tried to blink them away, but one slid down her cheek. She swiped it quickly. “And she’s well now? She won’t get sick?”

“She’s healthy,” Diana confirmed. “But she’s chipped. Like you are.”

A brief wave of anger flared through Scully, but she swallowed it down. She knew what she’d bargained for. She’d accepted the price. She brushed a finger against the baby’s cheek, and the child turned into it, as though seeking out comfort. “Does she have a name?”

“The nurses were calling her Emily, so that’s the name we put on the paperwork. You could change it, but that might take some time.”

Scully shook her head. “No,” she said. “No, I like Emily.” She couldn’t imagine giving up a single minute with this baby for the sake of another hoop she’d have to jump through. She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat, then reached both hands into the crib to scoop the child up. Emily wrinkled her little nose and let out a whimper, but didn’t wake. Scully held the baby against her chest, buried her nose in the impossibly soft skin of her neck, her downy head.

“Hello Emily,” she said, and closed her eyes against the enormity of it.

—

Traveling with an infant was a new experience for Scully, and not easy while alone. She was terrified that the baby would stop breathing in the back seat while they drove, that she’d be too hot, too cold, too hungry. But little Emily seemed happy enough, and slept for much of the first day’s drive. Scully had bought a pack-and-play, formula, bottles, and diaper packages in two sizes. Instant motherhood was even more frightening than leaving the job she’d worked so hard to prove herself in.

At a rest stop in Santa Rosa to change the baby and get some caffeine, Scully discovered something hard buried in the package of clothes Diana had sent with her. It was a small cryo-package containing three vials. One was clearly blood: Emily’s, she thought, dated July of this year. Before she’d been cured. Another was mysteriously green and unlabeled. The third looked familiar, an amber liquid she’d seen before. It was labeled Purity - 3.9506. A dated code: the current iteration of the vaccine. She almost didn’t notice the note tucked below the package:

To get you started.

- DF

Scully wanted to hate Diana, but she found herself unable to conjure the same fury she’d felt last year. This was a gift that Diana taken great risks to provide. Whatever bargain she’d made to keep herself safe, it was clear that the woman was still ensnared by the Syndicate’s poisoned grasp. Scully allowed herself to feel grateful to her, despite everything she’d done. Scully placed the vials back in the chamber and made a note to store them with her own recovered ova. Emily had woken up when the car stopped moving, and was beginning to fuss. Scully shoved the clean onesie into the diaper bag and unbuckled the baby, hushing softly to her and humming.

“Shh, it’s okay,” she murmured.

Scully was unaccustomed to the number of strangers’ smiles that greeted them. An elderly couple stopped to coo over the chubby infant, to remark how like her mother she was. Scully’s smile was tight-lipped and nervous. They weren’t wrong—the child did look like her. She had the same blue eyes, the same fair coloring. She tucked Emily’s warm little body against her chest and nuzzled her head.

“Let’s get you some food, hmm?”

By the third and final day of driving, fear had turned overwhelmingly to love. When the baby woke in the morning light, she greeted Scully with a wide, two-toothed grin. She sat up in her pack-and-play and pushed at the mesh sides.

“Good morning!” Scully laughed and felt a flood of warmth accompany her own smile. The little girl babbled a steady “yah yah yah.”

They had six more hours on the road, and then a whole new life ahead of them.

—

Lummi Island, WA

October 20, 1995

Beyond the mainland, the salt air reminded Mulder of chill mornings on the Vineyard. He could go fishing here, or watch the sunrise from a boat, every day if he wanted. Though the coastline and the island were different from the ones where he’d grown up, the place felt like home. The closer he drew to his final destination, the more the melancholy that had clung to him in the last two weeks melted away. He was nervous, but it felt more like excitement than anxiety now. He fiddled with the radio—there wasn’t much signal to pick up on the island, but he needed something to fidget with. The anticipation was almost unbearable.

He rounded a grove of trees and finally caught sight of the little house up a short driveway: blue clapboard, a tiny porch, a brown shingled roof over the cozy two-story cottage. He pulled up alongside a white fence—honest-to-god picket—and climbed out, stretching his limbs with a massive heave of his chest outward.

This was it. This was home, now.

The front door of the house opened, and he felt his heart stutter, then swell. There she was. There they both were. Dana Scully walked toward him with an impossibly cute baby on her hip, smiling broadly in jeans and a woolen sweater.

Mulder couldn’t help the grin that broke out over his face. He pushed through the waist-high gate and walked up onto the porch.

“There are my girls,” he said.

Scully blushed. “You made it.”

“I did,” he said as he reached them. He leaned down to kiss the woman he’d ached for over two long weeks. Her lips were soft and sweet, and her eyes dropped closed at the contact. He cupped her cheek, curled his other hand at her waist, and felt the pull of her middle toward his. “I missed you,” he said into her mouth.

Scully breathed deeply, eyes still closed for a moment, and nodded. Then he turned his attention to the baby.

“And you must be Emily.” The infant eyed him curiously and reached a finger out to touch his nose. “Hi baby.” She pulled the hand back and tucked two fingers into her wet mouth. Mulder booped her own nose in return, which earned him a shy half-smile as she tucked her head against Scully’s neck. “She looks just like you said. Just as perfect.” Mulder palmed the baby’s downy head, where blonde hair was growing in soft and fair. The little girl didn’t pull back or object, just watched him with something like awe.

“She’s been really good,” Scully explained. “I think she’s only cried twice since I brought her here. I mean she fusses, but…” Scully shrugged.

Mulder tickled the baby’s belly, and reached into his jacket pocket. He pulled out a tiny stuffed fox about the size of his hand, and Emily’s eyes went wide. “You like him? That’s Mr. Fox.” He handed over the toy, which Emily grasped with both hands. “He’s like me.”

Emily pressed her little fingers into the fox’s button eyes, her tiny fingernails scritching at the plastic. Then she brought the fox’s head toward her mouth and bit down on the pointy nose.

Scully laughed. “She likes it.”

Mulder bent to kiss the top of the child’s head, then added another to Scully’s head for good measure. “Let’s go inside, hmm? I can’t wait to see how it looks in person.”

—

Later that night they lay facing each other on her bed—their bed now, Scully realized, and the thought made her heart beat faster. They were tucked under quilts and printed flannel sheets against the autumn chill. Emily slept in the second tiny bedroom next door, warm and safe with a mobile of colorful planets and her little fox beside her.

Scully felt the momentousness of this night, now that it was just them, now that they were really together. She found herself watching Mulder for doubts, for guilt, for regret. She held her own small sorrows: leaving her mother, leaving her job. But she feared most that Mulder would come to resent her for the loss of their work in D.C., their resources, their allies inside, as it were.

Mulder pursed his lips in a frown. “What are you thinking?” he asked.

Everything, everything. Her mind was spinning: What if we fail? What if we lose her? What if they take back the bargain and come for us all in the night? What if you never forgive me? But Scully just shook her head. It felt like too much to talk about now. “It’s nothing. It’s okay.”

She knew he wouldn’t believe her, and he didn’t. He moved his face closer to hers on the pillow. “It’s not nothing.”

Scully’s fingers fidgeted under the blanket. She heaved a deep sigh, and decided not to begin their new life by hiding things, by keeping anything bottled up. “I know we have a plan,” she said. “I know we’re not giving up and that our work will just be different here, but… it’s pretty enormous change—all of this. You must have doubts. I just don’t want you to… regret this. Because of me.”

Mulder was quiet for a long moment, his brow furrowed in thought. “I understand why you might think that,” he said finally. “I know that in a lot of ways, this feels crazy.”

It did, Scully conceded. Two months ago, they woke up in their separate city apartments and put on suits to go to work for the government. Mulder was married to another woman. Now they were on a remote island off the west coast, with a baby for god’s sake, planning a resistance to a global colonization in secret. Their lives couldn’t be more different.

Mulder reached an arm across the space between them and took hold of her hand under the blanket. “It’s hard for me to explain why, but this feels right.” She could barely make out his features in the dim light, but she sensed how serious his face was, how intense his look. “Scully, all of this started for me, because my family lost a little girl, and it ripped us apart. I lost her. I lost my family. I needed something to fill that emptiness, and I did it with work, which I thought might help me find her again. I wanted so badly to fix what happened to us.”

Scully nodded. She felt her chin wobble at the profundity in the pause between his words.

“But the same evil that took my sister also gave me another little girl. And it gave me you.” He squeezed her hand. “I still need to know what happened to Samantha after my father used her as a bargaining chip. And I will find out. That hasn’t changed.” He swallowed hard, and Scully wanted very badly to lean over and kiss comfort into him. “But this,” he motioned between them, “is a real chance at family, and that’s something I never thought I could have again, not even with Diana. I don’t know what kind of father I might make, if that’s even what you want from me. I didn’t have a good role model. But… I want us to try.”

Tears were dripping down Scully’s nose now into the flannel pillowcase, and she found it hard to speak. She sniffed. Nodded. Bent her forehead to touch his. “I want that too,” she managed to say. “And I want… Emily to think of you as her father. If that’s okay, I mean. If you want it.” She shook her head at her nervous rambling. “I just know you’d be a really good dad.”

Mulder nuzzled her nose with his own , unmindful of the damp. Then he tipped his chin to kiss her lips, sliding his arm around her middle and pulling her toward him. They held each other tight in the near-dark. “Yeah,” he croaked, and Scully realized he was on the verge of tears, too. “I want that.”

Her head fit perfectly, tucked under his chin. Her face pressed against his t-shirt where she could feel his heart beating, and she pressed a kiss there. She pushed one knee between his and breathed deep, letting the smell of him, of them together, fill her with warmth and need. God, she loved him so much. It was like she’d been holding her breath her whole life, and now she was gulping in oxygen. She knew, then, that they would make this work.

“Well,” Mulder said, his tone lighter now, “if I am any good at it, we’ve got all those little frozen uber-Scullys in storage. Maybe we’ll just make a whole tribe, huh?” His hand was on her waist, and he slipped it between them to poke her belly.

She laughed through her tears, nodding. “Yeah, maybe we will.”

And then he was kissing her and she was kissing him back and it was getting too hot under the blankets for all these pajamas. They were hungry for each other. He touched her like she was the only thing he’d ever wanted, like this was the only thing that mattered. They made love in tear-streaked desperation: clutching, dizzy love—though they were quiet and mindful not to wake the baby (their baby) with too much noise. After, when they’d slept an hour or so, he woke her gently with more kisses. This time their lovemaking was slow and gentle and reverent—like they had the rest of their lives.

— END —

A/N: I had many ideas about what their big plan was to save the world, how they’d build a network of allies through the Hosteens (and the Lummi people that they are so close to now), because who better to help them survive colonization than the people who have already survived it? But this ending also felt right and I think I’m happy with it. Thank you so so so much to everyone who has read and left hearts and kudos and comments. This was supposed to be a one-off little thing. It’s no novel, but it’s more than I’ve been able to write in a while.

#a thing i wrote #xf fanfic #msr #au #all along like fire #part 7 #FINAL PART!#it's done y'all

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clairethecutepup · 5 months ago

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Murder Drones: N's New Pet

Uzi didn’t know what the hell she’s looking at… Well, whatever, uh, “that” was supposed to be, N sure seemed excited about it. In fact, excited enough to forget they’re supposed to be on a super important mission here! If they’re going to the humans’ planet, they need to find some way of getting there… Or, Uzi supposes she could always build something to wipe out human life from here, like a giant version of her railgun that’d totally decimate Earth. Nah, probably better to do things “in person” and it’d also be a pretty dick move to wipe out the non-human life there. Sure, the dogs there would be fine, at the very least, but no canonically immortal being would appreciate endlessly floating and suffocating in space-- on top of surviving whatever otherwise-mortal wound a distant attack would leave on them.

Still, Uzi couldn’t deny this was an interesting discovery on N’s part, while the disassembly unit couldn’t stop that large and stupid grin on his face.

“I found her right over there!” he points to some distant portion of the tundra-like wasteland, “I was looking for that possible rocket or something else we could use, but then I saw the cutest little blue eyes watching me--!”

“Uh, what the hell even is this…?” Uzi points at the equally sized weird-creature-thing, “Is it supposed to be, like, some sort of dog…?”

Well, if humans performed experiments to make canines achieve that mentioned immortality, why not experiments to make them something else? But if this clearly wasn’t a pure dog, then what was it…?

“She’s a…!” N still smiles, but needs to pause, “... Well, I know she’s a girl!”

“... Hhhoowww…?”

“Well, she came to me when I tried, ‘Here, girl…?’ after trying, ‘Here, boy…’ In fact, she actually gave me a confused look when I called her ‘boy,’ too…”

“Okay, it’s apparently something that understands speech, so maybe it can actually say something--” Uzi presses a finger into the organic being’s nose, “like what the hell you’re supposed to be?”

“Oh, great idea!” N pats the pup’s shoulder, “Come on, girl, speak!”

The canid creature could only muster, “Ca’ s’ea’...”

Uzi raises her digital eyebrow, while N’s grin turns a bit more nervous.

“Uh, sorry,” he pats the pup’s head, “what was that…?”

The strange kid tries again, “Ca’t… S’e’k…”

“I think she’s saying she can’t really talk,” Uzi points out, “Which, yeah, obviously not…”

“Aw, that’s terrible…” N hugs the pup, “Poor little guy; not only all alone, but she wouldn’t be able to ask anyone she could find for help…”

“Yeah, it’s sad and all,” Uzi sighs, “but we really need to get back to work… If we don’t find some way to Earth, then we can’t make the humans pay for--”

She suddenly narrows her digital eyes, burning holes into the shrinking and recoiling pup before her.

“Wait a minute…” the worker drone points again, “Look past the ears, tail and all that…” Uzi straightens up, eyes wide and arms falling to her sides, “You’re exactly what a human is…”

“Uh, I guess she could be…?” N asks, but his eyes go wide as he recalls, “... Uh, U-Uzi, y-you’re not gonna…?”

There’s a tense silence: Uzi continues to stare, N bites his lip, and the pup backs into N and quivers her own lip. Uzi then begins to giggle, prompting N to anxiously follow suit. Then, Uzi maniacally cackles, while N laughs and digital sweat drops appear on his facial screen. The poor little pup in N’s hands seeks sanctuary in him: turning toward him and clinging to him, accepting his tightening arms around her. Then, Uzi pulls her railgun out from behind and aims straight for the weird hybrid’s head.

“I’ve always wondered what this could do to a human, too…”

N shrieks, “Uzi, NO!!”

“Good point,” she slightly lowers the firearm, “I’d be hitting you, too… So, maybe just set her down over--”

“N-No, I meant you can’t…!” N’s eyes shift in desperation for an idea, “Uh, she…!” he then holds one of the pup’s wrists and shakes her paw, while using his other hand to lightly pull a wolf ear, “S-She’s probably not even actually human!! I mean, humans don’t usually have soft little paws o-or big, floppy little ears!”

“Being part human is just as bad as being fully human!” Uzi lies the gun on her shoulder, “Now, mind throwing her into the air or something, if I apparently can’t have a grounded target?”

“Uzi, please…” N whimpers, giving his biggest digital doe eyes, “Even if she looks human, she’s not responsible for us being sent here to wipe all of you out…”

“That’s another reason, N!” Uzi points at them, “What if she’s a new attempt to wipe all of us out because you guys aren’t doing it ‘fast enough’ or something?!”

“Uh, not to be rude, but I think it’s pretty clear which of you might be the bigger threat…” N steps back, still clutching the pup protectively, “Besides, how could something so deadly be so cute?” he holds the pup up and makes her face him, “Just look at those big little eyes!”

“You ever hear of a ‘false sense of security’?” Uzi shrugs, then properly holds her railgun again but points it down, “It’s also a little fishy that you suddenly find something like that… It’s not exactly like this planet’s rich in more organic life, and why else would something like this even exist if someone didn’t want it made-- like for extermination purposes?”

“Well, maybe she’s something that was leftover, too…?” N taps his chin, looking up. He then motions to Uzi, “I mean, you guys used to be here as worker drones for humans, so maybe they wanted to make…” he looks at the pup, “Uh, humanlike-puppy-things for some other reason-- that doesn’t involve killing anyone!!” N quickly hides the hybrid behind himself, “I-I mean, sh-she doesn’t even look like she could hurt anyone… No scary syringe-tail, clearly no arm-weapons…” he grabs one of the pup’s paws and holds it out, “Just soft little paws, see?”

He squeezes them for emphasis, his smile growing; Uzi simply looks back and forth between the two, slowly accepting the fact N won’t let her desires become reality. Yes, N has regenerative abilities and even recovered from the last time Uzi actually shot him, but she doesn’t like him being generally hurt and thus can’t just fire anyway. What? It’s not like she likes him or anything…! … Okay, maybe a little. Bite her!

Anyway, N made some good points… It’s weird humans would make something like this to kill them all, when disassembly drones seemed to be doing a fine enough job. It’s not like they hid behind her father’s doors because they feared the snow out here… Speaking of fear, this weird dog-thing seemed more eager to escape Uzi than destroy her. She was even the same size as Uzi, making her even less formidable. No, Uzi’s not short, the weird dog-thing is! “But being the same size as something ‘short’ makes you--” blah, blah, blah, bite her-- again!

But still, why was this clearly unnatural thing able to exist; plus, if she’s organic and all, how is she not dying from the frigid wasteland and unsuitable air? Something about her just doesn’t sit right with Uzi…

“Fine, N, I won’t kill it…” she sighs, “... But do me a favor and get rid of it yourself then,” she then rolls her eyes at his dramatic gasp, “No, I don’t mean you have to do it like that… You know, maybe throw a stick or something, and disappear before she’s got a chance to come back?”

“B-But Uzi…”

“No ‘buts,’ I don’t see any reason why it’d be a good idea to keep it around…”

“But there’s no reason why it’d be a bad one…”

“N…”

The taller drone bites his lip, his eyes shifting about. Then he suddenly perks up.

“Okay, Uzi, no problem! You won’t ever see her again…”

“Good, now do it before she causes us any trouble…”

N expands his metallic wings and flies off with the strange pup.

“Hey, just tell her to run back into the trees or something!” Uzi cries, “Don’t just leave me alone to-- UGH…”

Why did she even bother asking him for help…? Well, at least he’d return to actually do that… Uzi puts her gun back behind herself and ventures on. Of course, N was back in a near-instant. Uzi thought he seemed suspiciously happy for someone who just got rid of something that he took a liking to… He claimed he found someplace the pup could safely stay and would be taken care of. Note to herself: Uzi must check any areas that’d be perfect for hiding a potentially dangerous dog-human-thing…

Oh, look at that: later on, she catches N carrying something in his hands.

“What’s that?”

He yelps and turns around.

“Oh, hey, Uzi…”

“... ‘#1 Pet’?” she points to the crafted water bowl, before crossing her arms, “... You’re seriously keeping her?”

That’s all she needed to say. N then shifts his eyes around, holding the welded and muglike water dish in his hands.

“... Mmmmayyyybbeeeee…?”

He chuckles and grins, making Uzi roll her eyes.

“... Do you think she’ll like it?” N asks, “I even put on this handle, in case she wants to drink it more like a person!”

“Just make sure she doesn’t kill anyone or cause any other trouble…”

“Don’t worry, Claire’s way too sweet and obedient for that!”

“You’re going with that for a name? How about one that actually kicks ass: like, ‘Vira’ or the classic ‘Cujo’? Although, I guess ‘Cuja’ would sound better for a girl…”

“Oh no, I didn’t name her, that’s what it said on her tag!”

Oh yeah, she was wearing a collar of sorts… Perhaps Uzi should take a closer look at it sometime, then they’ll get some answers to this “Claire” suddenly showing up-- and why she did.

----------------------------

It's always fun to have your ocs interact with canon characters. Of course, I prefer going the platonic route as I'm not big on romance... Also, it's fun to take fanart/fan comics and turn them into an expanded tale through literary writing. Yes, this will be a bit of a "series" as I wanna make more images/comics.

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adidegmez · 5 months ago

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spn s13 spoilers

s13 ep1(lost and found)

if dean thinks cas is really dead then what did they do to his body? did they burn him, bury him or nothing? jack is just a baby right now. winchesters are maybe not superheroes but they are my heroes. dean is just telling the truth?! he is not okay. he lost everyone he cared except sam. sam is calmer than dean. jack is just a sweet little boy. sam is scared. castiel is jacks father(according to jack at least). thats nice. damian as in damian wayne? i dont think i know anyone else named damian. dean'S prayer… he even add crowley he loved him(sometimes). and Chuck he left and he just doesnt care. he left lucifer on earth. everything happened on this Show is because of him. and i still believe if they raise jack right he will be good. no one is born evil. even if lucifer was a bad guy he was an angel he was the angel. jack is half angel and this is not a bad thing. dean said goodbye to everyone cas, kelly, mom and crowley. and crowley i just cant he said his name with the other people he cared about people he respected and its sad that crowley didnt get to see this. Dean accepted the deaths of all of them. How can he do this? They can still return, why not? and mary did return she is not dead.

s13 ep2(the rising son)

im sos sorry dean but sam is right. He is right on every part of this issue. Jack is not bad, your mother is alive, the only way to save her is with Jack's help. i knew jack was watching scooby i thought dean would let him watch. but i think he needs a little time to know jack. sam is nerveous when talking to jack because he never had an experience with kids like dean had. dean would calm jack down he wouldve known what to do but he is mourning the people he lost and he is angry. and that prevents him see the way that sam sees. sam did a good job with jack. i expected dean to say he is batman but i guess its not the time. lucifer is funny sometimes. good job jack. i think dean will understand jack, eventually. i hope that time comes soon.

s13 ep3(patience)

kelly was a great mother. i get deans point of view but he needs to calm down. it's been a long time missouri. she died! jack really cares about deans opinions just like his dad(cas). dean will get over this and he will be nicw to jack eventually, i just hope it wont be late. yes, sam is the best person to understand jack. this is brilliant. i really love how he treats jack. i love sam. i know dean is in pain but sam is right this is resembles to sam's situation. sam deserved to be saved so does jack. and jack didnt do anything wrong yet he has been on earth like a week. and cas mary it wasnt his fault. dean lost them and he is blaming jack. but its lucifers fault. and jack doesnt deserves a this treatment from dean. dean should help sam save jack. i have always been on the same page as dean always but not this time. i hope dean changes his mind soon. because i need both winchesters in the same page. cas! im glad he is back but if he could return does this mean crowley could return too. and i think i finally understand something. Charlie and now rowena are dead and they wont return cause the story doesnt need them anymore. but i need them to return. i always see spoilers but ive never heard rowenas death. and ive never seen anything about charlie's return. but i want them to return. I didn't even like Rowena that much in the beginning but lately I've started to like her. Charlie is a completely different matter, i always loved her, I need her to come back.

s13 ep4(the big empty)

clone wars!!!!!!! i didnt see that coming. clone wars is my favorite star wars Show. i love ahsoka too but anakin is not bad sam. well he turned to vader but he was a good master palpatine manipulated. i hope jack loves clones. they are my favorite thing about star wars. clones are amazing. dean cas sam and crowley closed the door. crowley sacrificed himself. i think i love jack. cas where are you? why does lucifer need mary? Dean needs to pull himself together as soon as possible, he scares Jack, he even upsets Sam. misha is amazing. finally dean complimented jack. i needed that. finally dean is thinking like sam. thank you dean. cas is back.

s13 ep5(advanced thanatology)

yes, something is wrong with sam. dean wears sunglasses indoors. Do the w's represent how many times the winchesters died? did billie become death? she is death thats not good. I wish Dean hadn't killed death. I loved him. thats a good thing afterall. billie let dean live. Dean lost his faith. But when Cas comes, he will be happy. hi cas. welcome back. look in their eyes. team free will together again.

s13 ep6(tombstone)

cas is back. everyone is happy. i missed you cas. and the hugs. jack did it jack brought him back. team free will 2.0 . dean is back. he really missed cas. his eyes are shining. i missed funny dean. Seeing Dean happy makes me happy. cas… all i can think about is his character development. he is an amazing character. he changed so much. his talk with jack was beautiful. hats, dean is really back. dean finally said it, jack is not a monster. i wish he didnt leave. i hope hell come back.

s13 ep7(war of the worlds)

what happened to mary? So will Michael be the villain of this season? i knew it was kevin. hi kevin! i missed you. i think i would prefer lucifer to that Michael. lucifer is so funny. lucifer is back, Mary stayed in the other World. i thought ketch was a clone. I don't remember seeing anything about clones in this series, but for some reason the first thing that comes to my mind is always clones. But it turned out to be an evil twin. i believe that story hes telling the truth. rowena isnt dead right? cas and lucifer, lucifer is so funny. and he is trying to save the World for himself probably. i believed ketch. asmodeus and ketch, they will trouble the Winchesters. If Dean had said yes to Ketch, would Ketch have worked with them instead of Asmodeus?

s13 ep8(the scorpion and the frog)

supernatural really did everything. now there is a heist episode. and it was funny. yes, i missed hopeful dean. it was nice to see that. Didn't Bart say there were copies of the spell? Couldn't they find them? The bus scene reminded me of the scene where they left Charlie on the bus. i missed Charlie.

s13 ep9(the bad place)

i think jack wants to bring mary back not lucifer. Jack gets very happy when he gets a "good job" from Dean. And that makes me happy too. Jack also joined the family. I love him. dean! why did you treat her like that? well at least jack found mary and the winchesters are together. but idk where kaia is.

s13 ep10(wayward sisters)

claire is getting better at hunting. they are on a hunting trip… they said it again. i like it. i love donna and the others, we should see them more. i love jody. Claire's speech was like the beginning of a new series. I researched but they haven't made a mini series, I hope they tell this story here. i love the girls they are amazing.

s13 ep11(breakdown)

the real fbi is here. The beginnings of the episodes always resemble Criminal Minds. but almost the entire episode was really like cm. garcia would find her quickly. i liked doug. i hoped he would become a hunter. doug and donna were good. come on, first dean now sam they lost hope but it was always like this and they believed this job. but now they are in a dark place. i need hopeful winchesters back.

s13 ep12(various & sundry villans)

lucifer is hilarious. omg not the love spell. not dean please. yes sam save dean. hello boys(crowley said it the best). hi rowena. welcome back. how are you alive? they all forgot about adam. cas loves his son. i love how he talks about jack. Rowena asked about Crowley because she wondered if he might pose a risk to her, right? I wish there were nice mother and son scenes. I don't even think Rowena would be upset about Crowley's death, but I wish she would be. she is sad?! rowena is right. when is lucifer ever gone. he always comes back. cas and lucifer made a good team. that was a little brutal. Rowena took the page, didn't she? i thought sam would give her but i didnt think would do it. but he did. lucifer is not dead. We forget the traumas of the Winchesters very quickly, they are not even mentioned. They always show themselves strong, they don't show what's inside them. Dean spent 40 years in hell, Sam was tortured by Lucifer, Dean had to survive in purgatory… I hope Rowena doesn't cause trouble for the boys.

s13 ep13(devil's bargain)

i thought lucifer would let cupid live but he killed him and i suppose he did it just for fun. i forgot about ketch. How did Lucifer not die? i missed kevin. sister jo(daneel ive been waiting for this, i thought we would saw her earlier on the show). Doesn't the prophet know the difference between Cas and Asmodeus? ketch is right. lucifer cant do the things he promised, right? gabriel!!! well, i hope winchesters can save him.

s13 ep14(good intentions)

Dean you are amazing Cas you are amazing too. Mary is not Mary. They're still messing with Jack's head, right? hi bobby! sometimes jack's smiles are sweet but sometimes he scared me he smiles like lucifer sometimes, other than that he is just a sweet boy. and i love him. i love this bobby too but i want old bobby. mary made the deal she brought so much pain to her boys but we saw what the world would be like if she hadn't made that deal, and I think Mary did the right thing. If that deal hadn't happened, we would never have met the boys. cas! i dont like where this is going. i hope cas wont go far. Dean and Sam are Jack's role models, I think he chose very good role models. Whatever it takes… both Dean and Cas go too far. They need to calm down and think a bit. I hope nothing bad happens to them. I'm sorry about Donatello, I didn't like him as much as Kevin, but he was still a good guy. He didn't deserve what happened to him (like all the good characters in the series)

s13 ep15(a most holy man)

While Dean was saying enjoy, he was thinking things like this will be the last time you drive and he was imagining how he would kill that man. yes i totally believe dean would kill for the baby. I heard that that scene was improvised and it's really a perfect scene. I never thought that the blood would come from that man. I thought it would be from someone we knew before or someone very important.

s13 ep16(scoobynatural)

do you know how long i've been waiting for this. I've seen a lot of clips about this episode and I was very curious about it. When I started this season, I was thinking that they were opening a portal to the Scooby universe with Jack. I even thought that they would travel to different universes throughout the season thanks to Jack's portals. just for fun. But when it comes to SPN, sometimes this is only possible for a few episodes. There is a villain in every season and the world is in danger, so team Free Will has to save the World all over again. But did the trickster really die and come back, or was he never dead? i really love when dean is being a fanboy. he genuinely loves them and he shows that he loves them. and i love him for this. i love deans love for scooby-doo. this is one of my favorite episodes now. it was awesome. i love dean. i love sam and cas too but dean has a special place in my heart.

s13 ep17(the thing)

poor gabriel, I hope he can get out of there. Ketch is saving Gabriel right now, even if it's for himself. where is cas? why aent they waiting for him? ketch did some bad things, idk how to feel about him. gabriel is okay for nw with sam. dean really has a death wish. he doesnt care if he dies he only care about the others. yeah this is a nice thing but he would die to protect them and i dont want him to die.

s13 ep18(bring 'em back alive)

Charlie! Until two days ago, I didn't see anything about whether we would see Charlie in this series again but then I learned that we will see the apocalyptic world version of her. I knew she would come but I didn't expect that we would see her now. i missed her. She shouldn't have died. why didnt they wait for cas? i think ketch really cared about mary. gabriel is back! and he left. Asmodeus is dead, right? i hope he wont come back. ketch is complicated. Charlie is acting like our Charlie. i couldnt believe charlie's death and i still cant. she shouldn't have died.

s13 ep19(funeralia)

rowena what are you doing? i thought maybe rowena was trying to get crowley back but then i said she wouldnt do that. is she really trying to get fergus back? if thatsthe truth please let her try. i want crowley back. rowena is kinda right only team free will gets to come back from the dead. naomi is alive. I hope Sam doesn't have to kill Rowena. I started to love Rowena even more. I think there is such a thing as the Winchester Effect. They changed an angel, the king of hell, the most powerful witch and many more people and turned them into better people, and it is great to watch the character development of those characters. They changed Rowena as well as Crowley. I think Rowena loved Crowley. I wish she had the chance to tell Crowley that, or at least show it.

s13 ep20(unfinished business)

Fenrir from Norse mythology, right? I realized the last part was similar to Steve and Tony's argument (Marvel). we'll löse, we'll do that together too… they lost, steve wasn't there. i hope sam could be there when it comes to that. I can't be sure about deaths when it comes to tricksters. I even wondered if Loki replaced Gabriel at the end, but they wouldn't do such a thing because the story would be extended unnecessarily and there is no need for such a thing. i missed our kevin, he wouldnt do that. poor jack. mary sees her as a son:)

s13 ep21(beat the devil)

rowena and gabriel? little awkward but funny. In the beginning ep was hilarious but then it all went dark. rowena didn't run, this time she stayed. she has changed(the winchester effect). lucifer's bar scene was awesome. Sam died and came back, thanks to Lucifer. I'm glad he is back but lucifer brought him. they found jack and mary. dean watched his brother die, again. and the look on his face is telling everything. im glad the brothers are back together.

s13 ep22(exodus)

no, mary. i know you want to help the other World but your boys came for you. you shouldnt do that to them. lucifer is not entirely wrong. yes he does so many bad things but sometimes he does good things. like most of the villains on spn he is complicated. I've seen the scene where Cas and Lucifer drive the bus on the internet before, but I didn't think it was real. I thought it was someone's dream or something. i know lucifer is bad but he tried to do the right thing. he fought Michael, and now he is doing bad things because sam wouldnt let him come with them. sam has hs reasons but now lucifer is going to help Michael nd i think he is not happy about it because h will have brought Michael to the other world, just as his relationship with Jack was getting better. and he knows this will upset his son. Gabriel isn't really dead, right? Otherwise they woudn't have zoomed in on his face. its always good to see bobby but i wish we couldve seen our bobby with the boys and our Charlie.

s13 ep23(let the good times roll)

I would like to see charlie and rowena together. Dean's dream is very beautiful, but with their luck, it is impossible. I wish it could happen, no one deserved retirement more than them. but i dont think they would get a happy ending. This is how I wanted Dean to treat Jack from the beginning. Dean's speech was beautiful. soft dean is my favorite, he is kind and sweet when he needs to be. I love him. I was going to believe in Lucifer because he wanted his son and was doing good things just for him, but in the end he ruined everything again. Dean, you tried so hard to keep Michael from getting to you. I wanna cry. michael has dean, i hope dean can beat him. Is Lucifer really gone? dean… i want to kill Michael. i hope dean will be the one to kill him. The suit and hat suit Dean very well. Just when good things are happening, everything turns bad, and every season, boys cannot find comfort. Can't the kids relax for just one season? There won't be a big bad guy for the end of the season, maybe if they want they can hunt like in the first season or just have a good time together in the

bunker. only 1 season. I wish… but it's impossible. i just want to see them happy.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jack kline #mary winchester #bobby singer #rowena macleod #crowley #charlie bradbury #gabriel #lucifer #michael #arthur ketch

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