#why i am always in the back
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Never beating the fucking voices, leave me alone you ethereal monsters of the mind.
#> tired shitpost#i can HEAR in my head repeated phrase oh 'NOT GOOD ENOUGH'#i'm tired#i just want to be good enough#i want to be fucking cool too#why i am always in the back#why people don't like me or what i do#this stupid loneliness that stupid desire to be loved this stupid fucking want for recognition#i hate this i hate that i feel like that i hate that i am not enough#who decided that who fucking shackled me and chained me to a wall#i want to scream i want to cry i want to hurt physically instead#i want peace and quiet#i do not WANT TO FEEL THINGS#GET OUT OF MY HEAAAAAAD#i hope i choke to death#or something#or maybe i can finally damage me brain enough to actually get numb#and not fake numb like i've been for years#rant over
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big fan of panels where they look like they wld beat me up
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuuji#megumi#YUUJI WILL NOT COOPERATE TAKE HIM AWAY FROM ME >:(((#is it the angle ? is it the expression?? the bangs??????? am i just a fraud and a fake yuuji liker i dont know at this point#god#just . just take it i cant fiddle with the proportions any more ill go insane#it was worse when i tried colouring it but im STILL not 100% sold on it no matter what i shift or tilt#megumi my darling boy i love u at least You always have my back :'<#honestly my leading theory is that bc my yuuji design looks objectively More different than his canon design#its more prone 2 looking Wrong in my head#but even so !!! if i *have* my yuuji design down why does it still feel like im fighting fr my gd life when i try 2 draw him#it feels like he is shattering my drawing hand and smiling at me n taunting me w those shiny puppy eyes th entire time#head in hands I Don't Get It#when will i get it#anyway scoreboard yuuji: 623453766235 hina: 0
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its always âwe should beat up and kill rapists and abusers!â but the moment someone actually does you all turn on them
#gypsy rose blanchard#amber heard#menendez brothers#lyle menendez#erik menendez#because i am SICK and TIRED of it#its always âwhy didnât they fight back?â until they do#you will never understand what itâs like to be a victim of abuse until you are one#so donât speak on it#and even when they do everything ârightâ#when they go to police and leave them and keep their distance#they are still victimised and end up dead. just look at nicole brown#anyways fuck johnny depp fuck deedee blanchard and fuck the menendez parents
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The dog days are over.
[First] Prev <â-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#The childhood flashback is one of my favourite scenes in MDZS and yes I am disapointing myself in how little I am covering it.#If it is any consolation...I'll be bringing JYL's piggyback scene into another comic later on.#There truly is something so specific and yet resonant in the way our bonds as children feel so deep.#But the world doesn't stay as small as it does when you are a kid. The problems you argue about get bigger and more serious.#You still hold so much love for this person despite how much you want to throw hands with them.#To have such a complicated history with someone and then fall apart...You always think you have time to heal the wound.#Why wouldn't you! You've never had anything but time with this person. A brother not in blood but in true and genuine bond.#And then the fucker dies! It's horrible and sudden and the last words you exchanged were cold and awful!#What do you do with those dead end feelings? What do you do but grieve bitterly and angrily?#There is no resolution for all the love you wanted back. There will never be an opportunity to bridge the gap between you.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. Because you thought you had more time.#If anyone dares say Jiang Cheng didn't love WWX I'll be the first to fire up the powerpoint presentation on why he absolutely does.
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weird woman boobs
#it was in the drafts so why not post#for everyone sick of me sorry !#you can always unfollow#i am annoying#this is my weird place lol anyway back to my embroidery or maybe i will be back to hornypost#either way im doing something#personal#about me
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Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis
Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but Iâm jumping into the fray. I think thereâs a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so itâs sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.
Falin cares too little :
A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I⊠Donât agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.
We do see her worrying about what people think of her⊠ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didnât matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. Thatâs why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; itâs always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.
Laiosâ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, youâre great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, Iâll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, sheâd follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, sheâd follow him to the ends of the world, and thatâs what she did.
She didnât care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesnât even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parentâs directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I donât think the motivation is people pleasing, rather itâs being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that itâs as simple as that, mind you, but letâs talk about this for now.
Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). Theyâre the ones sheâs devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didnât care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.
What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think thatâs the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we canât tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that sheâs in there, we just donât know at what degree), that we donât know her enough to be able to tell when sheâs at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.
And this is whatâs very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. Sheâs so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he canât read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that⊠Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesnât care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who sheâs speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they donât cross her mind then of course sheâd be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesnât make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isnât exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see sheâs ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me thereâs this aspect to her that she isnât as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and thereâs something interesting to that.
People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so sheâs friendly and hopefully thingsâll be smooth sailing. Itâs easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you donât care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesnât do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.
One situation thatâs interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what Iâm trying to get at, is Shuroâs proposal to her. Iâve seen people saying she hesitated because she didnât feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I canât say no, I donât want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but itâs actually canon in the Adventurerâs Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didnât feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but itâd have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense sheâd want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, thereâs even a bit on it on Laiosâ Adventurerâs Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, itâs an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brotherâs needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldnât she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?
So her hesitance was "yeah thatâs convenient for me, but where itâs everything to him and heartfelt Iâm able to be detached because I donât care about it that much⊠Can I do that? Iâm not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though itâs not what youâd expect, isnât it?
And central to my analysis, where Iâm going with this is, I feel like thatâs the thing with her character, that she doesnât feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didnât mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didnât seem to get why it was such a big deal, didnât seem to care about how theyâd experienced her choices.
So itâs a tendency⊠And itâs not that she doesnât care, itâs just that the way she measures whatâs good for the ones she loves isnât the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). Itâs an overt but quiet kind of care, itâs doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.
So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuroâs proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because sheâs thinking about reciprocity, about if itâd be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And thatâs a big part of her character isnât it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.
Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, sheâd been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurerâs Bible explanation was released midstory, so Iâm hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didnât react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesnât remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasnât finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what Iâm saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuroâs proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.
And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? Itâs rather layered, because canonically she wasnât aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and weâre not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isnât being mistreated (though doesnât ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough sheâs very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when sheâs worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chiefâs daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.
She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.
And this sort of understanding is part of why I think sheâd notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when sheâs careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think itâs a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. Sheâs not sure wether to accept or reject Shuroâs proposal, doesnât want to lead him on? Sheâll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesnât feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.
We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think thatâs here too. She doesnât get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesnât change that she doesnât want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, itâs just that sheâs learned growing up that she doesnât have much agency.
Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. Sheâll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, sheâll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when heâs pushing her away (because he doesnât want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved themâ And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didnât notice the ostracization she suffered.
Sheâs always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didnât try hard to rectify the dogsâ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.
So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someoneâs presence isnât something you ask for, itâs something thatâs bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you canât ask them to stay or to come with.
Sheâs used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so sheâs learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didnât want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.
And still, itâs the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasnât that Iâd feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I donât regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but Iâm sorry that youâre so much more upset about it than me". Itâs the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.
Itâs the autism itâs the aroace of it all, itâs the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, itâs the feeling like youâre somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. Iâm not joking btw it isnât uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm youâre uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you wonât feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about itâŠ"
So⊠Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I donât think she actually cares about people all that much. Iâd argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesnât mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well itâs pretty straightforward really, sheâs not all that social and doesnât see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but itâs not as much like⊠A conviction or goal. Sheâs too laser focused on a select few people. "Itâs not that theyâre bad people, they just arenât interested in humans."
And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isnât her whole world or that she isnât the kindest soul out there then youâre saying she doesnât care at all or sheâs evil. And thatâs actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but itâs not in a way thatâs quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they donât have the same logic as her, donât show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if Iâm making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isnât uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.
And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, thereâs absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. Thereâs enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason Iâve chosen this angle is I feel itâs more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falinâs character arc as Iâll go over throughout the next sectionâŠ
So.
Not feeling as much as she should. AndâŠâŠ. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?
You canât tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.
Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when sheâs dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just⊠Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. Thatâs what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.
Thereâs excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and⊠Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falinâs choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragonâs wasnât done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. Sheâs stripped of her agency consistently, and so⊠Itâs very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.
Personally, I think freedom is Falinâs own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.
And if you think Iâm going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laiosâ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, itâs something thatâs consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.
Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, itâs always been Laiosâ curse.
Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but⊠On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks itâd be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If thereâs someone you donât like, you can gobble âem up in one bite. If you could fly, youâd be able to leave this village right now." Itâs a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.
But youâll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesnât want to leave knowing theyâll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laiosâ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isnât to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isnât to stay and see how well his friends will live, itâs to go. Itâs to leave. Itâs to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. Itâs again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didnât, or not caring and wishing you did.
In the end, itâs Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. Itâs a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying theyâll get themselves killed, that time is passing while theyâre away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what itâs like to have what sheâs never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.
No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if youâre a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when youâre a beast and you can just⊠Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because youâre at the bottom of the hierarchy, youâre now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.
I think sheâs on autopilot. I think sheâs on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and itâs partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) Itâs familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And thatâs what is weaponized when sheâs a chimera, that instinct sheâs been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesnât matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesnât mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because sheâs trained it to take as little place as it could.
Falin cares too much
She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.
So youâre probably seeing the duality Iâm talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often donât recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesnât care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.
In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. Sheâs undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, itâs text, in the response to Shuroâs proposal extra no less. And sheâs so laser focused on her most loved people that sheâs fine with being callous and risking othersâ lives, even.
Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.
Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.
And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her⊠Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too⊠In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way thatâs not palatable. But she doesnât care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasnât for a while now, and thatâs great.
Notes & nuance
Iâm struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. Itâs difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but thereâs this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "itâs ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldnât fit well in other places but are interesting for Falinâs character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, itâs just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I canât just pull it up whenever itâs relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurerâs Bible profile if you havenât already.
I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didnât seem to mind others ostracizing her, itâs easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid sheâs bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader⊠Thereâs one istanxe of her caring actually, and itâs about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laiosâ said it and as I rambled Laiosâ words are her world, but actually itâs ambiguous. Itâs only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, thereâs no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other handâŠ
Her Adventurerâs Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falinâs struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesnât like being called cute over it, but thatâs not how she wants people to see her. She doesnât want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.
Hereâs a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts donât seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe itâs more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didnât keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be âtroublesomeâ. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.
And on the topic of appearances⊠A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurerâs Bible profile) itâs just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."
Imo the thing is, I donât think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for othersâ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but thatâs not personality wise itâs needs and wants wise. And I do feel like thatâs the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesnât know what she wants because everything sheâs done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesnât change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesnât ask things from people and doesnât hope for more, hope for better. I donât think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her itâs less âappearing stoic to fit in moreâ and more âyeah iâll just chill until Iâm needed or something activates my enthusiasmâ. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you canât be useful the next best thing is being convenient."
And speaking of passivity⊠I want to speculate about Shuroâs proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we donât know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuroâs proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I donât think it was as simple as âshe wanted to say yes for convenienceâ. Logically itâs what would have been best, but itâs not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesnât think sheâll get proposed to again, itâs that self-effacing tendency that yes itâd be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isnât in it, because if itâs convenient then thatâs more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also⊠Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldnât get with Shuro, but imagine how Falinâs whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.
AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much sheâs master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but sheâs for sure there & influencing the dragonâs action to some degree. Having a dragonâs foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but thereâs Falin calling out to her brother Laios, thereâs the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly thereâs the Adventurerâs Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that itâs her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, itâs interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, sheâs described as Thistleâs guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so Iâll reign myself in and just mention it again. Sheâs still at the heel of someone, only now itâs someone who doesnât care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that itâs suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think thatâs part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isnât unlike the care she gives the ghosts.
Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.
But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc weâve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "Iâll lay down my life for you" point? Iâm so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isnât it cool?" gestures of showing things to her⊠Itâs the only way she knows to ask, or maybe itâs the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time⊠I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. Iâd usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but thereâs a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.
Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important⊠Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didnât mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you havenât seen each other in a while or when theyâre alone, and yes thereâs potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin wonât be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way⊠I hope Iâm making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they donât know if thatâs allowed, if theyâre going about the social interaction the right way, if theyâre allowed to ask that out of someoneâŠ
Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didnât see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falinâs actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldnât see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course sheâd see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).
A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcilleâs world, Laiosâ is at the center of Falinâs, and I tend to agree.
Itâs fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course thereâs how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but thereâs how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.
I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think thereâs an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I donât really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. âIf you die do it somewhere where I canât seeâ styleâ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I donât vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isnât needlessly against ghosts. And Falinâs sudden mace hits are fun to me too because itâs not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whateverâs needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.
Iâm working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falinâs dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laiosâ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.
Conclusion
Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.
Tldr: Falin doesnât care all that much, sheâs very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesnât really care because thatâd require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but itâs more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: sheâs canonically very genuinely kind, but itâs more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. Sheâs passive, and softspoken because thatâs just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the olâ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. Sheâs shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but thereâs also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. Thereâs a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falinâs case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.
Sheâs sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and thatâs it donât hope for more donât ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how sheâs not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)
Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.
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I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it
Thatâs it, ty for reading. Even if itâs a bit of a mess, hopefully youâll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.
Hereâs my spotify playlist for her if youâd like
Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-loveâs important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.
#I find it hard to express myself right on the topic of Falin. Both because the issue is pretty vibe based and because we donât#get that many moments with her. So thereâs ambiguous scenes up to interpretation addressing a layered topic and like. Save me. Save me#As always falling down the rabbithole of starting an analysis about a specific facet and then needing to explain everything else around it#Iâm doomed. Iâm getting lost in the sauce.#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#analysis#character analysis#meta#autistic reading#aroace reading as well. Sort of. Itâs mentioned#The aroace autistic guilt of not caring back in the way/with the intensity youâre expected to#As always this is just my interpretation blablabla#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#She loves like a dog aka unconditionally and happy with eating scraps of affection and attention off the floor#Laios touden#heâs here too bc they are an unit#If youâre not capitalizing on the uncanny vibe autistic effect for Falinâs character u are missing an opportunity imo#Fairyâs child is written all over her. Her cryptic-ness is the point so why am I surprised sheâs hard to fully pin down#Even with the graveyard scene it was Falin following Laios⊠Sob. Laios could feel responsible her powers were found out#Iâd like to rework this at some point if i get better at structuring. Iâm not satisfied by the level of clarity#Will 90% for sure edit stuff in if i find more to say.#Fumi rambles#Crazy style#I give a TLDR at the end if youâd prefer. It doesnât have the like evidence/explanations alongside but it makes the main points i think
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
#writeblr#i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again#other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding#and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger#godhelpme.#i was always kind of taken aback#because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything âPG-13â because this was my workplace#and it was kind of their workplace#too. besides#i love swearing#and since i couldn't swear#neither could they - so if they were going to say âfuckâ or become violent#they needed to choose a really specific time#because we only get âthe oneâ.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific âfuckâ utterance. kids listened.#i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them#that censorship is stupid#but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together#also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry#the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy#would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER
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HYUNJIN | CHK CHK BOOM
#hyunjin#skz#stray kids#bystay#staydaily#him doing the body roll like why am i the only one popping my pu$$y rn?#gifs#second gif heâs standing like when ppl go to art museums to look at the pieces.#or like when old ppl go shopping for food and they hit that hands behind back pose when looking at the discounts on frozen food#like without a fail itâs always the hands behind back pose
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hiii, this might be weird, but who is Lazarus? I'm not religious, so I've tried searching for who he is, but I can't seem to get a clear answer and was wondering if you could explain him?
ah yes, lazarus of bethany. a man i consider to be equal parts friend and foe.
lazarus lived in bethany with his two sisters, mary and martha. and when we meet him, heâs sick. so much so that his sisters send for jesus of nazareth saying, âlord, your dear friend is very sick.â
jesus of nazareth was in jerusalem when he received the message. and despite being only a few miles from bethany, and despite jesus loving martha and mary and lazarus, he waited. he didnât go to them straight away. he waited. he waited until lazarus died and then said, âlazarusâ sickness will not end in death. no, it happened for the glory of god so that the son of god will receive glory from this.â Â
and when jesus finally made it to bethany he was told lazarus had already died. that he has already been in the grave for four days. and when martha, sister of lazarus got word that jesus was coming, she went to meet him. and mary, sister of lazarus did not. and when martha saw jesus she said to him, âlord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.â
and jesus said to her, âyour brother will rise again.â
but then mary arrived and she saw jesus and she fell at his feet and she said, âlord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died.â and she wept over her brother. because she loved him and he was gone. and jesus should have been there. because if jesus had been there, her brother would not have died.
and jesus saw her weeping. and he saw the other people wailing with her. because lazarus was deeply loved. and now he was gone. and they had sent for jesus. they had prayed for a miracle. and that miracle didnât come until it was four days too late. and they didnât know that jesus was going to bring lazarus back. they didnât know that jesus had waited that long to teach a lesson. to prove a point. they just knew jesus was too late. and now they were forced to grieve.
and then a deep anger welled up in jesus. and he was deeply troubled. and jesus asks, âwhere have you put him?â and the people say, âlord, come and see.â and he does. and when he sees, jesus weeps. when he sees, we get the shortest verse in the bible. a mere two words to sum up an entire townâs grief. two words to convey the loss of a sibling. two words are offered for the preventable death of a loved man.
jesus is four days too late. and jesus?
jesus wept.
and the people who loved lazarus turned to him and said to jesus, âsee how much he loved him!â
jesus loved lazarus. and then he let him die.
and some of the people said about jesus âthis man healed a blind man. couldnât he have kept lazarus from dying?â
and then jesus, who knew all along that he would revive lazarus. jesus, who let all those people mourn. jesus, who let those sisters lose their brother. jesus, who let them weep. jesus, who wept with them. that very same jesus said to those who loved lazarus, who mourned him, jesus of nazareth said to them, âdidnât i tell you that you would see godâs glory if you believe?â
and then the stone of lazarusâ tomb was rolled aside. and then jesus looked up to heaven and said, âfather, thank you for hearing me. you always hear me, but i said it out loud for the sake of all these people standing here, so that they will believe you sent me.â and then jesus shouted, âlazarus, come out!â and he did.
lazarus the dead man came out, his hands and feet and face wrapped still in burial cloth. and then jesus of nazareth told them, âunwrap him and let him go!â
and then lazarus of bethany became lazarus of the grave. lazarus of the grave that will never be left behind even though he has risen and relinquished. lazarus of the grave who did not make good his escape unscathed. lazarus of the grave who will now check each darkened doorway as death and his sting is keenly felt.
lazarus was a man. a man whose family loved him. a man whose sisters sent for a miracle. a man whose sisters mourned him in the four days it took for that miracle to show up. a man who was made an example for no reason other than being loved by jesus. a thing that we are all told to be. loved by our savior.
lazarus is a man who makes me wonder three things. firstly, if jesus had been there that my brother may not have died. secondly, if jesus of nazareth too weeps for me. and thirdly, if jesus loves us and we in turn love him too like the scriptures command, why does he use us in the lessons he teaches.
why must we be the men he makes believers of?
so lazarus was just a man whose crime was loving jesus. and martha was just a girl whose crime was loving her brother. and they both suffered a miracle because of it.
#cw religion#yeah itâs always time to religious trauma post on main#lazarus was just a man#lazarus was brother#and my brother was a man#and i am a sister#and i too loved jesus as martha and mary did#so why did he get to come back when my brother did not?#i also tend to think of lazarus as dean winchester before i think of him as lazarus from the bible lmao#hence the title of my book being âlazarus rises (amongst other things)â#bc of hit cw show supernatural#and the bible too ig#but mainly supernatural
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No one ever tells Obi-Wan that he is his Master's padawan.
Of course, for most people who had known Qui-Gon Jinn, telling someone else they resembled the the man would in fact be a thinly veiled insult. But still, Obi-Wan feels the absence of comparisons almost as strongly as he feels the absence of his Master.
There is no one for Obi-Wan to push against now, no strong presence at his side, ready to grab him by scruff and pull him back from another reckless stunt. It's an odd feeling. He has been set loose against his wishes. There is no one to his left and Anakin at his heels, but Anakin had needed, still needs, a strong, gentle figure for his prickly but sensitive heart. For even their worst bickering could not hold a candle to the scathing remarks he and Qui-Gon had shot at each other and Obi-Wan knows he cannot push and needle Anakin in the same way.
When Qui-Gon had been alive they had been an amusing, mirrored pair, the maverick and his rule-following padawan. Opposites clashing against each other, yet working together to complete the most difficult missions. Few saw that Qui-Gon's impertinence had indeed rubbed off on his padawan, cultivated from that small, angry initiate, because the only way to rebel against the rule-breaker had been to parrot the Council fastidiously. No one would ever get to see that again. Obi-Wan is one half of a mirrored pair trying to complete a routine on his own. What once was an impish, teasing compliance is now a betrayal of all his Master's values.
"How could Qui-Gon raise such a model Jedi?" He hears them say, "It's admirable that Master Kenobi was appointed to the Council despite his Master's maverick ways."
Padawan Kenobi would have yelled and kicked and screamed. Master Kenobi is serene. It should feel like an achievement. It feels like a disappointment.
Sometimes, Obi-Wan looks at the shape of the man he has moulded himself into, and aches to be his Master's padawan.
#I am so totally normal about them. (screaming crying throwing up)#anyway yeah obi wan has daddy issues but in a very specific way that's less i want a father figure and more i require an animal handler#hence why obi wan likes both alpha 17 and cody finally someone to tell him he's being an idiot and be bitchy with him he's missed this#giving the guilt boy MORE guilt complexes over honoring his masters legacy#but god really imagine you spend a decade making yourself the opposite of your master in a funny back and forth you both indulge in but the#BUT THEN!! he fucking dies and you're left alone occupying a dynamic carved for 2 people and everyone tells you they can't see any of your#dead master within you as if it's a joke. as if that's funny. as if that's a good thing. and people say he would be proud but would he?#would he be proud when everyone always tells you that you are the opposite of him? that you are everything he was not?#obi wan kenobi#qui gon jinn#qui gon and obi wan#disaster lineage#star wars
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How she looks at her when she isn't looking:
How she looks at her:
How she looks at her when she isn't looking:
How she looks at her:
Building Trust:
Coming Home:
#how am i not supposed to be obsessed with them when they're out there looking at each other like that#when day one Wednesday is looking like a lovesick puppy and just following Enid around#when Enid ran into the woods in her human body because all that mattered was Wednesday#when Wednesday said she missed Enid through Thing and Enid spoke her language and set it back#when Enid packed Wednesday's clothes for her because that is their level of intimacy now#when Enid didn't force a goodbye hug even though she thought that would be the last time she saw Wednesday#when Wednesday realized being alone wasn't fun anymore because being with Enid was better#when Wednesday always did what Enid asked without ever questioning why#when Enid said she wouldn't apologize for being herself and Wednesday respected that#when Enid Sinclair sprinted to Wednesday Addams and tackled her in a hug.#and Wednesday Addams pulled Enid Sinclair back into her arms and closed her eyes in relief.#when they are each other's home.#wenclair#Wednesday Addams#Enid Sinclair
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So for some more details:
- I am fairly time-poor with a huge amount of commitments: Grownup Job Senior Promotion, three small kids on summer holidays/starting school, writing a novel fanfic for sick friend, peak growing/harvest season at allotment, etc. so im only offering âwhat I can actually deliverâ at this time
- swan comic is a new idea, people like those donât they? Not sure of how fundraising mechanism would work here but maybe taking prompts?
- not sure how essay would work but itâs probably my best/most appealing skill?
- material items in exchange for a minimum fixed amount. So offline Iâm most known for material works. Iâm not a BAD printmaker / craftworker and for this I would be looking at designing a sort of limited print run of greeting card style original hand printed prints. I know you guys arenât familiar with this work from me, so this would involve a bit of trust that An Art from me would be worth at least ÂŁ5 lmao. However itâs kind of nice to get something real in the mail right??
- super worried about fandom auction so this would be mostly a register of interest that Iâd take to more experienced people and use as leverage to start an auction; Iâm not in a great place to provide much actual legwork here. I also have huge guilt from like 2000-something where someone paid A HUNDRED AND LIKE 20 DOLLARS to charity for earthquake survivors and I DID NOT FINISH THE FIC AND I HAD to write to them, weepingly, apologising forever about it, and they were so graceful, they forgave me and wrote off my fandom auction contribution, but I had never watched the tv show they requested and was in the process of romancing dr glass and it all went SO wrong, this MIGHT heal my scars of shame from fandom auctions generally OR might make them worse. It itvery hard to write fic actually itâs my worst skill pls donât pick this
Anyway
I will dance like a monkey and get sick kids out of Gaza. What would you like to see most?
#drunk tag btw!#I am sloshed on pimms and need to post this anyway.#pls forgive all nonsense and consider this a transmission of my pure feelings into your loving heart.#why are so you so often drunkposting elodie you ask me. and I say. well.#I am raising children in the uk#so we are always messaging each other to pool the children in#feral Wolfpack#while we sit back and drink something dreadful someone has made#and my hobbit liver is now locally famous so thereâs a lot of elodie finish this off will you with reference to stupid things#like homebrew pimms.#hey quickpoint here#hi#gin is not posh. itâs just moonshine. help me explain this to yt British people next time youâre over thanks
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Wowie rly digging the yandere clone headcanons⊠how would each react if their darling tried to run away from them?!
You said tried so I assume this was a failed attempt!
Short answer: they get really upset and try making it your fault (shocker.) Ain't no way any of these mfs think they're the problem. Good news! you're mostly unharmed and alive.
This will just be purely writing bc i mostly had thoughts! sorry no drawing this time!!
[cw! mentions of potential harm to reader (no actual harm done), manipulation, toxic relationship dynamics (yandere flavor), obsessive behavior]
Sekido
You're always being hunted the moment the sun comes down and you don't return home in time. Reasons like that are exactly why he hates it when you part from him.Â
This time is different.. he can't find you in your usual spots. There's no fucking way, right?
How could you.. No, how DARE you? Do you think that he's some joke? That his feelings for you are something that you can run away from like it's nothing?Â
The second he's sure the sun won't harm him, he's already white knuckling his khakkhara, swinging at anything and everything in his path until he gets to you.
They know how to sense if you're near or not, hell, they probably know how your specific blood type smells like.Â
Did you think cuddling up to you and memorizing every detail about you was for nothing? Don't be stupid. All he needs is a trace of you and he's gone in the blink of an eye.
You better enjoy running while you can because when he catches you, and he will, those legs of yours won't have much use after he's done with them.Â
Sekido doesn't WANT to do this, but you honestly give him no choice. After he trusted you enough to stop looking over his shoulder, you do this? How can he ever put any faith in you again!?
On the bright(?) side, Sekido's rage wouldn't be solely on you, it'll ricochet onto everyone, especially the other clones and himself.Â
They were supposed to be looking after you! But they can't do anything right, even a task as simple as this.Â
And why did he think it was a good idea to trust them with something of big importance when all they do is fuck everything up!? Everyone's idiocy is rubbing off on him!
The entire time on his search for you, he's cursing and wanting to crush anything he can get his hands on, especially your bones.Â
He doesn't even bother with speaking to the others, too busy spewing out all sorts of hurtful and frustrated comments about everything.Â
The brutal thought that youâd rather run away than be with him isn't one he wants to entertain, but it's echoing in his head.
At least, once the other clones get there, Karaku and Aizetsu brawl with Sekido so you're unharmed while Urogi carries you overhead.Â
Sekido's jealousy flares up when he sees you in Urogi's arms, making him even more pissed if that's even possible. Great, now he looks like the bad guy and the other three, the saviors. Fucking perfect.
There's a lot of yelling and a lot of blood, especially with Urogi making things so much more annoyingly difficult in the air. Karaku and Aizetsu aren't helping. Why is Sekido suddenly the problem?! You ran away!!Â
But when he calms down enough, he's cursing at everyone through clenched teeth. Sometimes trying to convince the others that you don't even need your legs anyway!!
Once you get back home (or temporary prison until you somehow regain favor), Sekido will eye your legs while gripping his staff from time to time.Â
Exactly why he's forbidden to be in a room alone with you for a while until he settles down..
He glares at you more often and grows colder than before. Arguments are more common where he twists your words just to have you talk with him and be angry within reason.Â
Any other type of conversation makes him so irrationally upset that the others need to step in so that he doesn't lose his temper again.
Karaku
The calmest out of the group. He brushes it off as âyou're playing hard to getâ again, and if he makes a ruckus, you'll scamper back and beg him to stop like always!
Then it gets darker out.. and when Sekido left, he seemed pretty pissed. Like more than usual..... shit.
Karaku sprints after Sekido when it clicks that he's found you. His mind starts reeling, unsure whether he should laugh at the absurdity of your decisions or get pissed off because you didn't even bother to give a hint!Â
Not like that would do anything aside from give you away but regardless!
Everyone needs to relax, this is obviously something they can sweep under the rug. This isn't that big of a deal and you're just having a fit, but things like these can get you hurt, y'know?Â
They're fun and all, sure, just maybe give him a heads up next time, yeah? Sekido can't take a joke, you know this!!! Still.. There's a way Karaku can work with this.
He'll be able to swoop in, save you, be your hero, and remind you why staying with him is kinda important. Just in case you forgot~Â
You don't wanna be out and about without his charming grin and protective hold would you? Don't answer that right now, he has a feeling you'll say something wrong!
Yet.. what if you need a firmer hand to remind you of what Karaku provides? What if you got a little too comfortable being protected so you thought you'd be alright leaving them? Man, who knew you could be spoiled!
Because of this, he would purposely fumble, letting Sekido get near you just so he can stop him at the perfect moment. He purposely gets hit too and makes sure some blood gets near you. To remind you how that could've been yours.
When Sekido calms down, Karaku laughs in your face and would pinch your cheeks if you weren't up in the air with Urogi on the way home.
You should've seen your face! It was really cute~! Maybe getting scared is your thing? He'll note that for later.
He offhandedly advises you not to do things like that all the time, fighting Sekido always kinda sucks, but it's not like you actually had a chance of successfully running away so he won't chastise you too much for it.Â
That's not his job, and his heart hasnât pumped that fast in a long time.. not even in a fight! You're so amazing~~
And delusional if you think he's not going to milk this âheroismâ thing back there for some extra affection points with you.Â
Don't be so mean. he got his head blown off twice and jaw dislocated thrice, not to mention everywhere else on his body. Don't you think those parts of him need some extra loving? more than usual?
There's not that much Karaku can say after that aside from reminiscing like it was a funny story. He's not upset about it, mostly a little miffed you got kinda far without him noticing, but he gets over it.Â
The usual routine starts back up for him when you're back home. It's like nothing happened, but he keeps a closer eye on you since everyone's so tense.
Urogi
If you're not home before the sun sets, Urogi's clawing at the walls with stress. He usually accompanies Sekido to go find you, but this time is different. Urogi could just barely tell you were around.. When Sekido bolts, Urogi's flying as fast as he can, trying to find you first.Â
You're so far.. you must've gotten kidnapped!!!!!
The stress from before burns into anger, expecting to see someone having their hands on you while you're calling out in vain. How could he let this happen?! Damn sun!Â
He darts through the skies even faster imagining it, and when he finally reaches you, you look.. fine? and alone. and looking at him like he's the danger. He's here to save you, dummy..
Urogi falls to his knees, burying his face against your stomach and finally wrapping his arms around you again. Your fists violently hit his head and yank fistfuls of hair back, but it doesn't phase him.Â
Your comforting warmth is back, that's all that matters. And god, your smell.. it's almost making him dizzy. He missed you so much.
There's many holes to the story in Urogi's head as to why you're so far from home, but he fills them in with more convoluted delusions. It's just a peaceful reunion right now..Â
That is until Sekido finally arrives and starts swinging his khakkhara way too close to your fragile bones.Â
Now he's back in defense mode where he scoops you up and tries flying out of reach. This is so stressful!!! There's lightning everywhere and he keeps having to dodge the multiple staffs thrown his way.Â
He shields you with his wings as best he can while trying to stay in the air, so you don't get hurt during Sekido's outburst.
In the skies, it's much clearer to see the hurt behind the haunting glow of Urogi's eyes. Did you care about how he might feel? Did you miss him at all? Did you not feel loved enough? Did someone say something to you?Â
As he maneuvers the sky, he holds you as tightly as possible, lightly digging his talons into your skin.
Being without you for a couple hours is agonizing enough on its own. If you HAD left him, abandoned, cold, alone.. he doesn't want to think about it. All that matters is that your kidnappers or liars or whatever influenced you are gone, and you're back safe with them!!!Â
You.. you still like him, right? Of course you do, fate wouldn't force your paths together if it wasn't for a reason!
Coming back home is uncomfortably tense, especially with how violently Aizetsu kicked Urogi across the room, nearly through the wall, when he tried to lick your wounds clean. It really hurt!Â
When you're patched up, Urogi is ten times as clingy if that's possible. He has his arms looped around you constantly so you can't stray too far, and if his hands are busy, he always has his wings!
As happy as he is that you're back, he can't help but cry into your chest sometimes. Everything is so tense nowadays, he hates it! How could you go and do something like that? Apologize immediately! Or at least hold him too? Doubt creeps in a lot, and your attitude isn't helping..Â
His mood swings are stronger. From sobbing uncontrollably into your clothes to being all smiles and radiating with joy the next just because you said something vaguely decent.
Aizetsu
The demotivation started to creep in the second you left. During the day, Aizetsu sits by the door, wanting to be the first one you properly greet. Sekido and Urogi usually bring you back and he'll be the one in your good graces without lifting a finger. That sounds nice..Â
But as the footsteps fade and the silence lingers, Aizetsu feels miserable the longer he waits... Hold on, silence?
Before he realizes what's happening, he's already dashing to where the familiar commotion is coming from. Dread sets in as his legs take him as fast as they can whilst being the slowest of the four. This doesn't feel like they're rushing over to you after a long day, it feels.. dangerous?
What did you get yourself into..? Why do you insist on going to places Aizetsu can't follow? Are you safe? He hates not knowing.
Usually you're the one who's fine. You deal with four demons almost daily! Please please please be okay. He can't fathom it if you were hurt.Â
When he gets there, the puzzle pieces fall into place and Aizetsu gets even more depressed, but at least you're not hurt. Well, not if he interferes. His movements are sluggish, a perpetual frown plastered on his face as he tries holding Sekido down.Â
Aizetsu wants to dissolve into the floor, and he does sometimes. Not wanting to fight Sekido off anymore, he slumps over.Â
This could've been a regular day where you came home.. Are you serious? Leaving? How pitiful could you be to actually think you could get away? Or was it that you wanted to play some sick joke on them? Well, it's not very funny... It's terrible actually.
Aizetsu stays silent on the way home, walking with a bit more energy knowing you're near despite his heart ache.
You can feel the harrowing disappointment radiating off of him the moment you all go back home.
He's tired, annoyed, and so unbelievably upset. Aizetsu grimaced when Urogi got near your scratches with his tongue, so he âpolitelyâ ushered him away.Â
Knowing a human's weak points is good in battle, but he started trying to learn how to heal them, specifically because he knew these types of things might happen.
As he cleans your scratches, he's actively scolding you for leaving in a cold emotionless tone. And by scolding, he's using manipulative language, trying to make you guilty for everything you did.Â
He barely has the energy to live, but now that he finally found his light in the darkness, you want to leave? Is it so wrong he wants to hold onto what makes him even a smidgen happier than usual? He reminds you that he'll wither away without you, but he's not really too keen on dying just yet.
When he tries to get back into a routine, he just can't. He knows why you left, but he doesn't want to hear it. Even if you're sweet to him or not, he'll hold you from behind when you rest.
Looking at you is too much, but being away from you is even worse. Aizetsu compromises this way, but gets quieter, occasionally sniffling when he hides his face behind you.
There's too much going on and he's so tired.. If it weren't for the others, he probably would've held you so tight for so long so that you both would perish together.
Maybe thatâs why he's only allowed to hold you when you're asleep. Just please don't do that again.. He NEEDS you. Please, please, please.
Safe to say you gave them a scare. When they double down on the protectiveness, living is ten times more difficult for EVERYBODY. when you lose their trust, it's pretty difficult to gain it back, but not impossible!!
Sekido and Urogi will always assume the worst if you're gone for too long while Karaku and Aizetsu give you a little more freedom until the others drag them along into their worries.
#null rot#yandere demon slayer#yandere kny#yandere kimetsu no yaiba#Sekido#Karaku#Urogi#Aizetsu#cloaked cult member#not art#null brainwash#null gospel#IM NOT A WRITER!!!! JUST A REMINDER!!!!!!!!! JST A RAMBLER!!!!!!!!!!!!#i really couldn't think of anything drawing wise to go along with this.... but I really wanted to write for it even if I'm a bit amateur#Am I even doing this bullet thing right?? I'm not good at cohesive thoughts. but I try!! I hope I did this right..??#Also. Sekido honestly doesn't want to hurt you or even put his hands on you. he's just really scared you might something will happen to you#how the fuck is he going to live with himself if you somehow get eaten by another demon? or worse. used as bait from either demon or slayer#now that upper moon fucking four has a soft spot. its really selfish of you to run away..#don't you see how that can ruin everyone's lives including your own!? (manipulative)#why he gets more upset with any other type of convo at the end is bc it reminds him of how things were before. they were good.#but you had to ruin it didn't you? (manipulative Ă2) and for sure for sure. if he holds your hand you're getting a bruise.#Karaku is hella chill bc he's wayyy too cocky that he can find you again. the little arrogance he has rearing its head again.#Hes not stupid. he knows you want to escape. but that means he has to whittle you down a little more. get you used to this. to them. to him#You can't escape. he won't let you. He belongs with you. so just try and get comfortable. yeah?#Urogi.. going through it. Hes like your ankle monitor. very fragile minded with his mood swings but extremely stubborn about letting you go#Hit him. pull at his hair. push him away. spit at him. hes sad for a while but bounces back. he always does! and he knows you will too!!#He just needs to wait.. even if it hurts his feelings sometimes. but never for long because you'll be back to loving him like before!#Aizetsu's stuck in a loop of angry -> sad until he ends up quietly crying because hes depressed you dont like them. eveything is pitiful.#he cant even move on bc youre his light. nothing will change that. even if you hurt him. all he can beg of you is to be kind to him. adjust#hes not the monsters you think he is. he can be sweet kind gentle. whatever you want.. just please.
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Pleasure
Summary: You edge Sanji :).
Tags: afab!Reader x Sanji, nsfw, smut, some fluff, edging, unprotected sex, piv
Word Count: 1k
There was a little devil inside of you, one that you were helpless to listen to when it whispered it's encouragements inside your ear. It was spurred on by those tears pricking at the corner of Sanjiâs eyes, his hiccuping breaths, and his bucking hips. The way that his pleas spilled from his mouth, slurred, hushed, and desperate. The way that Sanji would do anything to be your good boy, even if it meant he suffered.
Youâd lost track of time at this point, solely focused on teasing him. Your hand languidly pumping his cock, slower and slower, rubbing his rosy tip between forefinger and thumb, until you sped it up till just how he liked it. His breathing would quicken, feeling himself coming closer and closer to his sweet release. And then heâd do as you told him.
âIââ his voice broke off, and he had to take a deep, shaky breath to say the rest. âIâm gonna come. Please.â
And once again, youâd let go, preventing his orgasm. He threw his head back and let out a choked sobbed, his hands gripping the sheets beneath. You quickly peppered his face with kisses and rubbed soothing circles into his hip.
âOh, I know. I know,â you cooed. âBut youâre just so cute like this.â
Sanjiâs bottom lip was red and swollen from his teeth digging into it. Youâd pushed back his bangs earlier, and they remained that way, exposing all of his face to you. Little hairs were plastered to his forehead from his sweat, and his cheeks were flushed. He looked up at you with big, wet eyes, and you felt a sharp sting from the crack opening in your heart. Wet and hot, the bloody love that comes pouring out for him is molten in your chest.
You captured his lips in yours, kissing him deeply. A little sigh escapes his mouth and he buries his hands in your hair, loving any bit of contact youâll give him. You suck his bottom lip into your mouth and gently bite down, wanting to let a more careful set of teeth show it the love it deserves. Your hand has wandered again, fingertips dancing up and down his torso, enjoying the hair and skin they dragged across. When it went too low, Sanjiâs hips twitched, and a soft whine emitted from his throat.
Although heâd been turned into an utter mess, it was pure bliss to Sanji. To have someone take the time to unravel him, to want to feel every part of him and drag out his pleasure for as long as possible blinded him with joy. He couldnât believe that someone as lovely as you could want to shower him in so much affection. You may have thought yourself somewhat demented to enjoy his cries so much, but he thought of you as something divine for it. He could be weak, he could let his guard down and be so vulnerable, and instead of turning away in disgust at his exposure, you became enraptured by it. It made you want to touch him more. He never knew what to do with himself in these moments, the ministrations made him so dizzy with happiness, and so he simply could do nothing but enjoy it. Something he wasnât always good at doing.
But it didnât change how needy and desperate he was for you to let him come. His tongue darted into your mouth as he badly needed some part of himself inside you. The wet heat of your mouth reminded him well of the way your pussy wrapped around his cock, tight and welcoming, and he felt himself shiver and his head swim.
He pulled away, but left his lips ghosting yours, to say, âMon amour, please, I need you.â
âYou need me?â you murmured back. âHow do you need me?â
âI need to be inside you. I need to feel you wrapped around me, so warm and soft and sweet. I need you.â His nose scrunched even more as he spoke and the way that his pretty eyes glistened with unshed tears, pleading, you couldnât say no to him any longer.
You threw your leg over his hips, straddling him, and pressed kisses to his face, throat and chest as you moved. âYes, yes, of course.â With one hand, you grabbed his cock to line it up with you, and the other you used to hold his hand, tangling your fingers together. You dragged his tip along your folds, letting your fluids cover him and to tease him just a little more. Sanjiâs breath shuddered, both at the feeling and at the sight before him. He felt he might go insane.
Finally, you sunk down onto him. The wetness, the heat, the tightness, you, you, you, it all overwhelmed him in the most perfect way. Itâs all heâs ever wanted and will continue to want. The moment you bottomed out, he came. He cried out, tears rolling down his cheeks, and gripped your hip with his free hand, doing what he could to thrust up into you.
The initial feeling of his cum painting your insides came as a delightful surprise, but once the shock passed, you rocked your hips to help him ride out his high.
âThank you, thank you, mon cĆur. You feel so good. Iâm so sorry, I know I was supposed to last longer, but youâre just soââ His sweet babbling is cut off by another kiss from you. Itâs long and passionate, and you pull away with a giggle.
âMy silly boy, you did perfectly. Youâre so good for me, now let me take care of you.â You hopped off to grab a warm washcloth to clean the both of you. When Sanji tried to sit up, to stop you so he could do the work, you pushed him back down with a firm âstayâ.
It was his turn to relax. He was always flitting about, doing what he could to satisfy the needs of others. If someone asked for food, he wouldnât hesitate to stop whatever else he was doing to feed them. Rarely did he ever give himself a break. And although he never voiced it, you could sometimes tell by the look on his face that his mind would wander to dangerous places, and that meant he wasnât thinking nicely of himself. You could be taken care of later, for now it was to be all about him, like he always deserved.
#one piece#one piece x reader#black leg sanji#vinsmoke sanji#sanji x reader#moving my work from Google docs to a post here makes me feel insane I am not a fan#also the way I cannot ever remember how I format these damn things#Iâm always referencing back and going huh I was about to do that differently this time and I couldnât tell you why
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straya outfit swap
#vtuber#back on my bullshit#(homeland edition)#axel syrios#hakos baelz#holofateswap#holostars#holotempus#hololive#holocouncil#holopromise#some people still get surprised when I say I'm australian#like IN THE KINDEST WAY POSSIBLE... IT'S ALMOST ALWAYS IN MY BIO. ON EVERY WEBSITE#even tho I mostly put it there bc people were like MINI GO TO SLEEEEPP and I was like THIS IS A NORMAL TIME TO BE AWAKE!!! IN MY TIMEZONE!!#axel always getting the midriff-bearing outfits like#that's just how the swaps turned out but why am I always drawing his tummy#CONGRATS ON THE NEW OUTFIT KING#sorry the first time I'm drawing it isn't even on you#i'm so behind on everything#i love my australian vtubers tho#hope y'all are doing swell#I'm fighting for my life out here but IT'S GONNA BE OK
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skaterboy izuku !! a tddk art trade with my sweet @rivacyte ;;đ«¶đŒeveryone look at their snowboarder shouto right now or else...
#my art#deku#izuku#midoriya#midoriya izuku#bnha#mha#heroaca#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#tddk#tododeku#tdiz#todoizu#my first art trade actually AND with one of my favorite artists ever in this life.... dreams come true y'all.... dreams come true .....#I SAID IT IN MY TWT CAPTION BUT everyone crushes on him i just know it#yes that IS a tattoo on the back of his elbow he he he... it says i am here bc why not !#as always throwing this up on here to archive and exiting the app byeeeeeehjja#shotosizuku#tsukk1
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