#why does she have to be miserable and why is this like the 5th time this has happened over the past 6 months | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

jodilin65 · 19 years ago

Text

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 29, 2005 We ended up getting 8-10 inches of snow yesterday. UPS should still make it in ok with the headboard since Tom cleared a path. I’ve been up since midnight, so with my shit luck, the thing will come after I’ve gone to bed. At worst, I have just one more night without it and we assemble it in the morning.

Any second now next door will make the first of their many trips in and out. I still don’t see how she can work if she slams in and out of here between 10 AM and midnight as she does. She stays in for a few hours between the late afternoon and early evening hours as well as the early and later morning hours, but still, I wish she’d either stay out or stay in! I just don’t see why one or two people need to open and close doors half a dozen times when coming and going.

She may be a piece of cake to live with compared to most neighbors I’ve had, but she’s still your typical rude Western neighbor. The bitch shoveled the snow from in front of her door and onto our back porch just up top the steps. Tom rarely goes up the back steps, as she probably knows, but it is still a rude thing to do. She could’ve put the snow alongside the houses or something.

A big fuel truck pulled up and pulled a hose down the driveway and did something at the very back corner of the house next door. They were only here for a few minutes, but I wonder what it is they could’ve done?

I still don’t understand. Coming to this state may’ve been a mistake weather-wise, but we came here to escape people’s bullshit. Instead, we’re right back in the midst of it all over again. I was hoping the fact that it’s so much quieter here than the duplex meant that the noise curse is slowly coming off since the stage is set for chaos and no one’s causing any yet, but then I said, Nah. Maricopa was quieter than Phoenix, but then the noise curse was on again as soon as we came here, so I know better than to think we’ve escaped the past forever. Old shit really does have a way of finding us, so I’m sure we’ll live in plenty of noisy places if this place doesn’t get noisy before we leave it. I’d still like to move because of the spiders and lack of space, but being in a tilted shoebox filled with spiders is nothing compared to the duplex and Phoenix, so if we can’t get out in March it won’t be such a big deal unless trouble’s moved in by then.

I won my 5th bottle of lotion. I hope I get them all! I can’t believe I’ve hit instants 4 nights in a row! Someone once posted a message saying that nighttime seemed a better time to hit instants. I’d say this is definitely true! I don’t know why, since everything’s predetermined and set to allow only so many winners after so many entries, but I know I do seem to win more of those at night than in the daytime.

Boy, this really is one small town! I just saw this old, hideously ugly snot-green van go by that I know lives on Shasta. It’s bright green and yellow and really stands out. It lives towards the bottom of the hill, far from where we used to live. I am soooooo glad I’m not there right now! I pity whoever is there unless they’re so damn noisy themselves or at least don’t mind noise.

Incredibly, I’m up to 30 views. Who are all these people checking me out?

Later…

The headboard arrived surprisingly early at 11:45. The 61-pound box felt like 661 pounds! It was a bitch to unpack and took me a while, but it was worth it. I got a good workout. Plus, I figure it’s only fair since Tom’s going to assemble it.

Tomorrow’s the big day. That last day of the month when I’m most likely to win something other than instants. Hope it’s another multi-hundred-dollar item if not more!

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 28, 2005 It’s been snowing for hours and the grass is nearly covered. Argh! I have such mixed emotions about the weather/moving. I still say I want to go where it’s warm and get settled someplace for at least a decade ASAP so we can start building up equity. Yet I love the peace and quiet this miserable weather brings, and I too, like the variety and adventure of moving, even if it is a pain in the ass. And now we’ve got the sweeps to factor in, too. Just as long as we’re never connected to anyone again! White, black, Mexican; they all make terrible neighbors if they’re ours, although the whites aren’t as bad and can usually be reasoned with.

We’ve revised our money plans so we can move in March when the lease is up. I think I’ll want to do that even if it doesn’t get any noisier. I just hate the lack of space, the tilted floors and all the spiders the warmer weather brings, though it’s nothing compared to what we went through at the duplex, and therefore, not moving then won’t be such a big deal. Meanwhile, we’ll each take $50 a week for fun, plus anything we save in groceries, plus any overtime he gets. My next goal is a Tonner doll of some kind, and Tom’s going to get me tons of oils and a new camera in exchange for the guitar.

I’m not out of incense or oils, but I love variety so much that I can’t wait to order! I’ll be ordering in a couple of weeks. Plus, they’re running a sale till the end of the year where everything’s 25% off. If I do an order of $150, I get free shipping, plus 4 free samples. I’m going to try lots of new scents, plus grab a few of my old favorites. I plan to get: Aloha, Angel Cake, Angel Wings, Baby Powder, Banana Taffy, Berry Blast, Beverly Hills 273 Rodeo Drive, Blueberry, Brown Sugar, Bubble Bath, Buttercream, Candy Corn, Chestnut Brown Sugar, Chocolate Chip Cookie, Chocolate Covered Strawberries, Cinnamon Jasmine, Coco Mango, Coconut, Coffee Cake, Cotton Candy, Cranberry, Cream Brulee, Creamsicle, Creamy Sweet Floral, Dazzling Gold, Dazzling Silver, Deep Red, Downy April Fresh, Eat it Raw, Egg Nog, English Toffee, Envy, Fcuk Her French Connection, Fireside, French Toast, Fresh Baked Bread, Fresh Cake, Frosted Snow, Geranium, Giorgio, Graham Cracker, Grape, Green Leaf & Bamboo, Hazelnut, Hollyberry, Honey, Hugo (sticks for Paula), Hypnotic Poison, Iris, Jasmine, Jelly Bean Tarts, Licorice, Milk Chocolate, Minty Patchouli, Miracle, Mochaccino, Moonlight Path, Musk, Nut Medley, Nutmeg, Oatmeal Cookie, Oreo Cookie, Ocean Breeze, Orchid, Patchouli Ylang Ylang, Peony, Pineapple Supreme, Pink, Pink Lace, Pink Sugar, Pussy, Raspberry, Red #2, Red Door, Red Giorgio, Secret Crush, Smores, So Pink, Spearmint, Storm Watch, Strawberries & Champagne, Strawberry Cheesecake, Sugar, Sugar Cookie, Sugarplum, Sweet Mango, Swiss Miss Cocoa, Tulip, Vanilla Musk, Very Sexy, Very Vanilla, Violet & Yellow Silk.

I have a good variety of perfumes, fruits, sweets, flowers and more. I hope I won’t miss incense sticks, but if I do I’ll just get a bunch of blanks and put up with the residue they leave. It’s just that it’s not convenient to change scents as easily with the burner, and especially with the warmer.

I get $50 every Friday and have decided to put the $50 I get on the last Friday of each month towards a spring trip to the department store, which we’ll do in the middle of the night when there aren’t any crowds to annoy us. By then the truck will be up and running again.

Unbelievably, I’ve hit my 30th win. I started the month with 18 wins and last night I hit 30! I had two nights where I hit instant wins twice, even if most of it is crap I don’t want. I got another iTune, my fourth bottle of lotion, and a King Kong collectible poster. Sometimes you just gotta get stupid instants in order to be registered for the grand prize which is usually something everybody wants.

I’ve now supposedly earned a small iPod, but I still doubt I’ll get it from these people. The last thing we did to give me the 1000 points required was to do a 30-day trial of AOL. We figured that since it’s been since Phoenix since we’ve had AOL it would be pretty cool by now, but we weren’t at all impressed. If anything, it caused us computer problems.

Later…

I went out and shoveled the walkway and even the porch, since the snow is blowing into it, but will probably do it again before I crash with the way it’s continually coming down. It’s getting awfully MA-like, though I haven’t even heard a car stereo today. Just vehicle motors and train whistles.

She just came out to clean her car off so she could take off. Why it took 6 door slams to do it, though, beats me. Especially since she’s alone. And who the hell was she talking to? In the bathroom, I heard her speak a few times very softly and never heard a response, so I guess she’s just one of those strange self-talkers. She certainly appeared to be alone when she pulled out.

This rat gets around more than any other rat we’ve ever had. She’s still lots of fun, but she can be a downright pest! She’s always begging for attention and to be let out to roam around, and when she does, she falls in the toilet and climbs the microwave’s cord to try to get onto the counter. That one hasn’t been successful yet! Sometimes I wish her house wasn’t where I work and that she’d sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. At least she doesn’t piss like Blondie. I guess being a female and all, she’s not naturally as territorial.

I’m afraid my palm tree is dying. After doing so well for so long, I must admit I’m a bit surprised. It really sucks too, after I fought so hard to save this little tree. It’s a slow process, but I recognize the signs after losing two other palms. It will take several months, but it will die for sure. Next time around, I’ll get a fake palm for damn sure! I kind of miss having a banana palm, too.

Later…

I just got a win notice for the Court TV Clean Getaway Sweeps. It’s just a $10 cleaning kit, but it’s better than a damn King Kong poster! Besides, things always need to be cleaned at some point, so I’m sure I could use it. It was a 3-star premium sweep and I was one of 250 to get this prize. I had to print out an affidavit to fill out and send in. I couldn’t imagine why the affy for such a small prize, but then I realized it was in case I won the grand prize.

Some people say they win more premium sweeps, others say they win more regulars. Well, I don’t know just which I’m winning more of lately, but I do know that the $30 I spent to go premium was well worth it because I’m winning a zillion times more! A lot of them do seem to be premiums, too.

My ear has gotten so bad. Tons of popping and pressure. I hope I survive one more week till I can see the doctor! And I hope he helps me and doesn’t charge us a fortune to do so!

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 26, 2005 For the first time ever, I hit two instant wins! My third bottle of lotion and a $10 iTunes card. I wonder if I’d win this much if I weren’t psychic.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2005 This is the deadest Friday I’ve seen around here what with today being the biggest shopping day of the year.

Despite it being cold and rainy, we went to the grocery store earlier. A black chick saw me sharing Tom’s umbrella with him and said she thought I was a child sharing an umbrella with her dad at first. I told her I was to be 40 soon. She was shocked and told me she was 38.

I called Paula. She was her usual self – hyper, switching subjects rapidly, and anxious. I guess that lady cop is still harassing her and that she got caught driving again. I asked her why she doesn’t just go get a license and she said they wouldn’t give her one. She says she’s sending something for my birthday and to get her the Hugo Boss she loves. I told her I’d get her 100 sticks anyway. I don’t need oils, but I want variety and to try new scents, so I’ll probably be making an order soon enough.

She also says the lady above her drives her crazy by stomping, and that her toe’s been worse since they operated on it. I guess they had to remove a bunion and they put a pin in it, too.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 2005 And another instant win! God, this is incredible. I won a $10 Disney certificate. I ordered the Then and Now Barbie that celebrates Disney’s 50th anniversary with both a modern and a vintage outfit with Disney themes. Mickey Mouse and Tinkerbell are on the newer shirt.

Tom cooked the turkey last night and it came out good. We’re going to make a casserole out of everything but the legs, wings, and skin.

I’m up to an incredible 14 views. I can’t imagine who all the viewers could possibly be. But will any gold members ever read my full Q&A and see my pictures? Are there even any gold members to begin with?

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 2005 I’m dead centered on nights now, so that means I can’t sleep without an occasional wake-up call from our local hear-me obsessors. Will we ever escape these city animals??? Although I’ve had my share of surprises in life, I doubt it. I’ve been on my own for 20 years now and just 5 of it was spent in the country. That alone tells me something. I know I was meant to be in the city. I just wish it could be a bigger one if God won’t allow me to leave the city, so we could have a bigger variety of stores at our fingertips. I also wish it was in a warmer climate since we can’t live in peace anyway. At least it’s quieter than the duplex was, and we’re not attached to anyone!

I’m amazed to be up to 8 views at Classmates. Could that many people remember me, even though I was out of town by the time I was a sophomore? I suppose that with Dureen O’s eagerness to share with the town that her crazy daughter cut herself and jumped out of a window, they certainly would remember me after all. I still can’t believe she told the entire town she had me funny-farmed and that I jumped. And this was someone who always stressed her being against my telling too much about myself to others, but I always did say she was a hypocrite for a reason now, didn’t I? I’ve long since stopped caring who knew/thought what, but I sure am curious as to who my viewers are! It’s too bad I can’t find that out, though I’d still bet on Lori, Lisa or both of them.

Tom heard there’s now a pill available that’ll make your hair either straight or curly. If I can get a hold of that thing and we can afford it, you bet I’m going straight! I don’t know if you have to take it regularly, though, or if it’s a one-time shot. There’s also to be a pill that’ll eliminate gray, too.

What I don’t get is why there isn’t yet a pill to break down and dissolve fat. I’d love to melt down to 110-115, then not worry about what I ate till I hit 130, then drop back down, and back and forth.

I hit another instant win. It was just a dumb family board game, but it still amazes me to know that I’ve had 5 wins in the last week between this game, two bottles of lotion, movie tickets, and an MP3 download!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 20, 2005 Up to 4 views now at Classmates. Interesting.

My ear continues to annoy me and I continue to wonder if I’ll ever be able to live without chronic pain. It doesn’t seem likely after all this time. I’ve decided not to bother with my teeth after dealing with my ear. It’d simply take too much time and money to deal with. Especially money. We’ll never get ahead if I put hundreds of dollars in my mouth like that, and if I did deal with it, there’d only be something else.

I could tell by the amount of barking that it was warmer today. It was in the upper 50s.

I won another bottle of lotion. I hope I get it and the other one.

Tom likes the guitar so much that he wants to “buy” it from me.

Okay. Why not?

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 2005 They gave everybody at work a turkey just like last year, so we’ll make that up over the weekend. This year we got a bag that you bake it in to help seal in the juices.

Still no clue as to whether or not he really stands a significant chance at a partnership or if something up there just wants to tease us with the possibility, but he should get a bigger bonus this year from what he’s heard. Last year he got a $25 Fred Meyer certificate and this year it’s to be $50.

We got the guitar today. It’s ugly and very cockish, but it should eventually bring us a few hundred dollars at least. Tom’s going to enjoy playing it through the computer till it comes time to sell it. We saved the box and packing so we can repack it easily enough.

Tom’s X-box will arrive tomorrow, so he’s really excited about that even though he’s still sick.

My last story that I sent to Mary was returned. Figures, huh? They said it was because there’s a 5-page limit of printed pages. I don’t know if they really mean 5 sheets, but since when is this the case? Fucking jails, always changing and adding new rules! I think it was really a case of the person being too lazy to take the time to read it since they have that policy where they have to read incoming mail. Besides, it makes them feel more in control and all-powerful if they do shit like this and waste someone 4 stamps like they did, even if Mary’s 10 stamps more than makes up for it. I told Mary I wasn’t about to play any more mail games with that damn place, so since she’s so sure that she has no more than 3 years to go, I’ll send her anything I’ve written at that time. I figured I’d burn her a CD of my stories and pictures. I assured her that the pictures would look much better on a computer than printed on paper anyway. I just hope she’ll have regular access to a computer when she gets out, since it may be a while before she gets her own.

I also asked that she not pester me so much once she’s out, in the nicest way I could, and I let her know that the more we do for ourselves, the more independent we feel, and that’s a good feeling. I just hate to do favors for others and I try not to ask favors of others myself unless I have no choice, simply because I know that that way no one ends up feeling guilty or used in the end. Besides, I won’t have a whole lot of free time to cater to her because I expect to sweep for the rest of my life! And I’m not going to let cruel fate press the pause button on it for a few weeks or a few months, and make me have to start all over again! As it is, I started up again with Webshots, but because it’s been under a year since I was last a premium member, I didn’t lose any pictures. I just couldn’t get some of them for the last 10 months. Once we get a new camera, I’ll eventually upload photo albums, too. It’s good to store pictures online. I wish it were as easy to store my documents and MP3s there, too.

Anyway, as far as Mary’s begging for favors goes, I understand why she does it. First she was her mother’s puppet, then she was a slave to men, and now the jail has owned her for 5, nearly 6 years. She simply doesn’t know how to fend for herself and make her own decisions. Like me, she wasn’t given much of a chance to. In fact, she’s been more of a puppet/slave than I ever was.

Last night I hit an instant win and won a 10-oz. bottle of lotion. Since I have so much lotion right now, I jokingly said to Tom that not only do the rich get richer while the poor get poorer, but the well-lotioned gets more lotion as well! I still hope I get it because some of the smaller wins obviously don’t show up. It’s neat to know that since I became a premium member, I’m now winning something every few days, even if it’s mostly piddly crap.

We ordered a black platform and a Woodland oak headboard with shelves. It may be several weeks before they arrive, but I’m looking forward to it after a year and a half of sleeping on the floor! The shelves are going to be so nice too, to use in place of a nightstand.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 2005 Well, Coconilla’s history. She bit me so she's been returned. I can’t believe this rat could be so calm and friendly-seeming in the store just to turn out to be such a bitch. Once I saw that she refused to be handled, I knew she wouldn’t change.

Tinkerbell continues to be the exact opposite. She’s playful, energetic, loving and quite demanding of my attention. She loves to play in the bedroom lately. Hopefully, she won’t chew my new comforter. I have to keep her out of the bathroom because I caught her on the side of the tub and she could get hurt jumping off. She could also fall into the toilet.

It took me a few days, but I managed to teach her to climb up and down my legs when sitting at the computer. Only this little stick of dynamite won’t sit for hours on my lap and go to sleep. Maybe when she gets old she will.

The for-sale sign next door has been taken down, though Tom’s sure it isn’t because it’s sold, but because they’ve given up on this realtor and are going to go with someone else. He said the sign is down at the other house he showed me that was for sale in the area, and it was managed by the same realtor. Tom believes that if they were stubborn enough to hold out as long as they did on the first realtor, then they’ll probably do the same with a second one, figuring that the house hasn’t sold yet not because they were asking a ridiculous price for it, but because the first realtor was bad. Well, I hope they’re so damn determined to get the crazy amount they’ve got it set at that they’re willing to wait a decade if that’s how long it’ll take to sell the place, but I’m sure it’ll be sold by the spring and I’ll be the one to have to deal with it.

I’m surprised to have 3 views so far at classmates.com, though they can’t see the photos I posted or the Q&A I filled out unless they’re gold members. I’d bet just about anything that Lori or Lisa was one of the people to check up on me. Could be Brenda P or Lauren K as well, but I can’t believe Lori or Lisa would see my name and simply bypass it no matter how crazy they think I am or how much they hate me due to any rumors they may’ve heard about me, true or false, or for calling their mom and her second husband, or for sharing a piece of my mind with their sick dad. They may’ve actually got a kick out of the letter I sent their dad, though, half a decade or so ago. He wasn’t just mean to me and Tammy, he was mean to everyone. Particularly women. He’s just like his nephew in that department; they may prefer to bed down with women, but they’re true gays at heart otherwise, always preferring the company of men over women. I know without a doubt in my mind that Larry wouldn’t have been nearly as crushed had it been Jenny who died 8 years ago rather than Larry Jr.

Anyway, the thing I find hilarious about it is that it’s going to get to Ronnie that I said I had kids, then it’ll get to Larry, then it’ll get to Doe and Art. If Larry’s dumped them again, it’ll still find its way to them. My business always does. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to see the shocked and confused expressions on their faces when it does! Then again, I think seeing them, even secretly as a fly, would make me rather ill.

I wonder if Misha, who would now be 40, ever had the kids she wanted. Did she get her boyfriend to give her any? Did she have to go man-hopping like Madonna did in order to get pregnant? Did she simply fail to conceive? Or did she change her mind and decide to keep her freedom and her money for herself? Then again, the poor girl could be doing prison time for all I know. Drug charges aren’t taken too lightly in Arizona, not that much ever is. I think they got her for running an escort service, too.

Mary says that although she loves men, she knows she doesn’t have to be with one to be okay. We’ll see when she gets out, cuz I say she’ll go back to taking up with the wrong guys and that she’ll have a kid each year till she gets too old to conceive. It’s all she knows, and these are the kinds of guys that can’t think rationally. If a man can think, he’s highly likely to insist on birth control or some form of controlled sex. Not the guys she digs. The kids are the weapon to use against her as far as they’re concerned.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2005 I’m typing this entry on my new office chair. Oh, how nice it is to be on wheels again and to be able to swivel and lower the level of the seat! The only catch is that I’m facing downhill, so I sort of slump forward. Maybe when Tom gets over his cold he can help me rearrange the room.

I don’t understand why I can’t prevent Tom from colds like I can myself. It’s coming up on 9 years now since I’ve had a cold.

The bed came yesterday. Although I don’t regret getting it, it’s not quite as comfortable as the airbed and doesn’t distribute body weight as evenly as air and waterbeds do, but it’s still a fine bed and certainly more comfortable than most beds. It’s heavy too, so perhaps it won’t slip so easily when it’s on a platform. I sort of wish it were a bit lower-density foam, but that’s the kind that breaks down too fast like the foam that ran around and between the airbags of the bed we had in Arizona. This bed has a 20-year warranty. I wouldn’t mind sleeping on it till I’m 60 if we don’t lose it before then (what I mean by that is that we’re either moving up in life to stay, or we’ll continue to build ourselves up just to get kicked down over and over again). The memory foam which is attached to the regular foam part (it’s 6” in all), doesn’t seem to work well, probably because it’s too thin. If I didn’t know any better I’d think it was all regular foam, but it sure beats RV or jail mattresses! It’ll just be all the better and complete once I have the platform and headboard/shelves.

The rats are doing well. Tinkerbell still doesn’t climb up my leg, but she climbs down now. We never had a rat this jealous before in our lives! She is one spoiled little attention-lover! Coco still won’t let me pick her up without squealing, but she’s started coming out of the cage. She hops in and out and goes back and forth. Meanwhile, Tinkerbell just loves me. She perks her ears up and comes running when I call her or go near the cage.

Tom made me an appointment to get my ear cleaned, but I won’t be able to get in for a few weeks, the day after my birthday. I just hope this doctor knows what he’s doing and can cure the pressure and popping I’ve had for so long now! Then God can give me some whole new long-term problem.

Now that I’ve got glasses to help me see fine things, I’ve been able to sew easier. I beheaded both Falling Star and Murganah because their bodies were poorly put together. Very disproportionate and unstable. Their heads, however, make nice figurines. Actually, Falling Star ends just below the collarbone and Murganah ends just below the boobs. Meanwhile, I adjusted Murganah’s clothes to fit the Tonners. Did a damn good job if I do say so myself. I made a jumpsuit out of Murganah’s pants and took in the skirt and blouse.

I received a large paperback from The Human Kindness Foundation that Mary told me about. It’s not very interesting, but I might be able to trade or sell it. It’s basically geared toward helping prisoners do an easier time.

I got letters from Paula and Mary.

Paula thanked me for the CDs and incense. She had surgery on her toe. They put a pin in it, I guess, and she’s been in pain.

She’s also seeing a 55-year-old bus driver who’s a Puerto Rican. I guess he’s separated right now. She says his age doesn’t matter so long as he knows how to work it. This girl has a man’s appetite for sex as Tom has a woman’s appetite. Then again, Tom has no appetite. I hate to say it, but I’m glad. I simply have no desire for sex anymore than he does.

Because it had been a while, I figured Mary would hit me for a favor soon enough, and she did. Her brother recently married a woman from Thailand and now they’re getting divorced because she only married him to stay in the country. Well, because he’s so down and out about it she wanted me to send him the Misfits shirt we never got and enclosed 10 stamps to do it with. Again she jumped the gun, so again she loses since I can’t send her stamps back. I explained to her that the shirt we got had nothing to do with the Misfits and only had the company’s name and logo that was running the sweep, and not to ever assume I’d give up my wins. It was nice of her to send the stamps, but rude to assume I’d just give up a win like that. Again I suggested she wait till I gave her an answer to her requests, but hey, that’s just more stamps for me. From now on, though, forget about bragging about my wins to her! Not if she’s only going to expect me to send them to those she knows who are having a rough time in life.

Mary also reminded me that the media’s full of shit and explained the real reason Monster is in the funny farm. It isn’t because he’s incompetent, as I always suspected, but because he nearly succeeded in killing himself and the jail doesn’t want to be held responsible should he succeed the next time around. She says, however, that no matter what happens, they can’t keep her in there for more than 3 more years. I almost dread the day she’s released. What kind of a pest will she be then?

I just can’t believe her at times! How can someone be so generous and so rude at the same time? She’s too generous. Therefore, she wants others to do her generosity for her when she can’t. I just don’t understand her. She says she can’t ask for help with her problems yet she has no problem asking people for things and to do this and to do that. What’s the difference?

I can’t believe she hasn’t moved yet next door, but it is winter and people don’t move as much during the winter. I just don’t want to lose her if the worst she’s going to do is annoy me every so often. She doesn’t annoy me nearly as much as they did with their damn doors at the duplex. If we were suddenly attached to her, though, all that would change. It’s a Western thing, I guess since people out west just don’t seem to make good neighbors for the most part. Put her adjacent to us and I’m sure she’d be anything but kind and considerate. I’ve had way more neighbors in the west than I had in the east, yet only a few of the eastern neighbors were bad while only a few western ones were good.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2005 Yesterday turned out to be a fun day. We caught the bus downtown and learned that on Saturdays it’s only a quarter per person, but we didn’t have any change so we paid a buck. During the week it’s a buck a person.

Our first stop was a discount store where I got 3 mauve bath towels, 2 sports bras, and a tablecloth of blue geraniums and purple tulips.

Then we stopped at KFC before heading to the pet store. Normally we get male rats because our experience with lady rats hasn’t been great. One died the day after we got her, the other turned out crazy. However, the instant I approached the cage where the females were kept, which was next to the males, I knew I had to have Tinkerbell. Tinkerbell’s a cute little brown rat and seemed really friendly and curious from the get-go. I also picked out Coconilla, named for her chocolate brown and vanilla cream colorings. Although they both were fine with being held in the store while we waited for the girl to fetch us a box for them, Coco’s been rather shy here at home. Not aggressive, thank God, but shy. The girl at the store said they turn any aggressive ones into feeders. Serves them right! Anyway, I wouldn’t mind if Coco never wanted to come out, since having to entertain Tinkerbell outside of the cage is enough! She is one awesome rat! She’s very playful and affectionate. I never thought any rat would make me happy again after losing Blondie, but Tom said he figured they would. I still miss Blondie, though Tinkerbell’s quite a hit.

They were in with two other rats, and one of the good things about stores like this is that they take the time to tame the animals by paying regular attention to them. One of them was even raised by someone like Blondie. The big chain stores, however, like Petco and PetSmart, who deal with so much quantity, simply don’t have the time to tend to all their pets, so they’re only good for getting things like fish and supplies.

Tinkerbell’s about 5 months old and Coconilla’s about 3. Coco was the smallest of the 4 ladies, and since she’s been eating like crazy since we got her here, we’re thinking the others bullied her out of eating much. I know Tinkerbell takes food from her so I make it a point to serve plenty. I just love Tinkerbell. She’s a lot of fun. She may sit with me when she gets older and loses some of her spunk, though she does a combination of sitting with me, playing with me, and running around the place. And this has been going on since day one. Usually, it takes them time to warm up to you and to want to come out. I haven’t taught her how to climb my leg when I’m sitting in my chair, though she may one day figure that out on her own like Blondie did, though she runs up to my chair when I’m not on the floor with her and I scoop her up for a few minutes, then put her back down so she can run around some more.

Tom set up the bigger cage with the bars spaced closer together since there was no way I could keep them in the other one. Neither of them is interested in wheeling, but the wheel makes a good door prop. That’s the sucky thing as far as the design of this cage goes. This door opens inward while the other swings out and down, making a little ramp for them.

We had to wait 15 minutes for the bus back, and because it was in the low 40s, I was glad there were two of them to keep each other warm. We took the wrong bus too, so we had to walk up from downtown, but being right on the edge of downtown, it only took a few minutes.

The buses sure have evolved since I was taking them regularly 15 years ago. The buses here have cloth-covered padded seats.

The only bad news going on right now, which is nothing compared to past bad things we’ve had to deal with is that one of my dolls broke a leg and a pinky finger. Fortunately, it wasn’t a favorite of mine and was easy enough to hide by throwing her in a long gown.

Also, my ear has been driving me nuts as usual. If Tom can’t find anyone who will help me (he’s going to make some calls tomorrow from work during lunch) then I’ll just assume it was meant to be and I’ll learn to live with it somehow. I know God would be oh so proud of me if I hurt myself somehow on my own, but I’m just not ready to go that far. Having no choice but to give in to the fate He lays out for me is one thing, but deliberately going along with it is another.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2005 I finished my daily sweeps early today so I don’t have much else to do. I know I won’t get a DVD today since they’re so damn slow at sending them. It’s like they don’t want us to get more than our money’s worth and like they want to prolong our membership. Guess they know that once people go through their queue list, they’re done with them. At least for a while anyway.

We’ve agreed to take the bus to this locally owned store that had a good selection of animals back up by where we used to live. As much as I miss Blondie, living without rats just isn’t me. I don’t care when we move, I want my rats!

I still wish the neighbor wouldn’t make so many trips in and out since she seems to load things into the car so much of the time, which calls for several door slams in a row. I can see it’s just her coming and going, too. The only time she doesn’t seem to load stuff up is at night. At night she has that guy with her, too. I can’t imagine what she could be loading up so often. I mean, her place can only hold so much. I kind of wish she was home all the time, but if she was she’d have tons of company, and that could be worse. At least she doesn’t have a boom stereo. You just can’t get those turned down too easily because that’s the whole reason behind them. They’re not bothering to blast their music across the street not because they suddenly stopped enjoying music, but because they know others won’t hear it with it being too cold to open their windows to let the sound out. It’s utterly freezing out there right now and it’s been damp and foggy all day, too. It’s about 30º.

My ear is getting worse so Tom’s going to call on Monday and hopefully be able to make an appointment for me. My worst fear is not being able to find anyone around here who can help me, but if that’s the case, then I guess I was just meant to suffer and that I’ll just have to live with it and hope for the best.

My new comforter is due today, so since all I have to do is wait for that and watch for new sweeps that come out, perhaps I’ll check out Heart of the Forest, the story I started before I got my last story idea and wanted to jump on it while it was fresh in my mind. I started Heart of the Forest early on in our 10-month duplex stay.

Later…

Maybe she suddenly did decide to stay home all the time because now she does have company. A maroon car I’ve never seen before. I heard a few car doors like maybe there were a few people in it. I thought I saw it there earlier, but only for a few minutes. Someday, someday we won’t be living on top of someone else’s driveway. I hope this loading up of stuff isn’t her finally moving and I hope these people aren’t here to see the place. At least they don’t have a stereo if they are moving in, but then again maybe they do. They wouldn’t blast it till they moved in. They always creep in quietly, then just when you think they’ll be okay, they may as well scream to the neighborhood, “I have arrived! I am here!” And then we have to hear their every goddamn move. I’m just always so paranoid this chick will move. I don’t want to swap in something that’s a little annoying for something that could be a real nightmare.

Meanwhile, my comforter came and looks way more gorgeous in person than online. Shiny things don’t photograph that well. It’s quite glittery alright! The way it sparkles makes it look like there are more colors than there are. There’s purple, magenta, blue, green and gold.

Oh, the car’s gone. I didn’t even hear them leave. Maybe they were just picking stuff up. I hope they weren’t helping her move, whoever they are. But I know she is going to move out before we do and that next door is going to move in before we move out, and they won’t have no little poodle or pomeranian. No, they’ll have a dog that’s at least 40 or 50 pounds.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 9, 2005 Well, the time has come to deal with this ear and teeth of mine. I know I may be defying and pissing off God since He gets off on my suffering, but it’s ok because He can give me a whole new long-term problem to deal with after I square this one away, and I know He will. For now, I’m tired of this shit and I’m ready to deal with it and move on. I’m now getting about $400 a month in spending money. I’ll use half of it for a dentist and an ear doctor. Tom found an ear doctor who does ear surgery, so we’re hoping they can at least clean artificial canals. We’re still not sure if it’s the ear or teeth. Had the pain been on the other side that would’ve ruled the ear out since I have cavities everywhere, but being on the side of the bad ear, I don’t know what to think. Although I know it has to be one or the other, nothing I can think of makes sense. If it’s just a long-term build-up of dead skin that that ear doesn’t produce enough wax to shed and carry out, why aren’t the oil treatments softening it? If it’s the teeth, why is the pain only on one side? If it’s an infection, why don’t I have some of the symptoms that go along with infections like a fever? All I know is that I’m so backed up in bodily repairs right now that it’s going to cost thousands of dollars to fix! After I deal with this shit, then hopefully – hopefully – we’ll never be so poor again that I can’t afford to see doctors for regular check-ups. I don’t care to have yearly female exams, because I know I can trust my intuition on that, but I need to keep up on the ear and teeth with all the problems they cause. I just hope whatever the next problem is stays below the neck! Meanwhile, I wish I could get the canal sewn shut, my teeth replaced with dentures, and my uterus yanked out!

Just for the hell of it and because I was curious to see if it would draw any response, I registered at classmates.com. The good thing about it is that since I’m not a gold member, which costs a few bucks a month, no one can bother me in any way, which is a good thing because I’m not interested in buddying up with anyone I once knew. Especially with me being 3000 miles away since New Englanders rarely move. I’m sure that of those within the class of ’84, I could count those who moved out of state on one hand. Most people are closer than I ever was to their families and they tend to have a better selection of friends than I had at the time, so they wouldn’t be as quick to run cross country and not look back. I won’t bother telling Tom about it because knowing him since I gave mostly bullshit answers on the Q&A, he’ll fear the cops coming after me. He’s so paranoid at times that I’m surprised he had no objections to my ordering books in a bogus name, though I assured him I’d only do it once. I just thought it would be funny for gold members to read that I make over $200,000 a year, have a couple of kids, etc. Of course, if things continue to go well, everything I said, though I did mostly state the truth since most of the questions were personality-geared, all the BS could become a reality, except for the kids. Since I was out of the local school system before I was a sophomore, I was surprised to get one view so far, but Lori and Lisa are members, so it was probably one of them. It could’ve been Brenda P. She and I were friends for a while till we drifted apart. What’s confusing is that there’s an Elisa G as well as a Lisa G. Well, Lisa’s full name is Elisa, and there were no other Gs in town except for Nana and Pa, so I’m pretty sure they’re both her. The funny thing is that she said she had 3 kids as Elisa and 2 as Lisa. Anyway, whoever it was that viewed me obviously wasn’t a gold member because the thing said my photos and full Q&A were not accessed. As a non-gold member, all you can see is the person’s marital status and how many kids they’ve got. I was surprised at just how many don’t have kids since they were young before the women and work movement got so heavily underway.

They weren’t kidding by saying that this part of town is snowier being closer to the lake. It snowed all day on Monday. We ended up with 3-4 inches. Last winter it would be pretty much gone by noon, yet most of the shit has yet to melt. It started drizzling a bit from what I can see, so maybe more of it will melt. I hate the cold and snow, but it sure keeps the dogs quiet. I haven’t heard anybody’s music either and even the car stereos have lessened.

Like it or not, I feel like I’m already re-adapting to the cold climate. It took me 5 or 6 years to adapt to the desert climate, but after spending my first 26 years in a cold one, I’m getting used to the cold pretty fast, though I still hate it. Of course that could also be partly due to the fact that this year we can afford to heat the hell out of the place. I’m just so glad we’re not back in that miserable duplex! I’m sure it’s not as noisy now in that the bitch isn’t leaving the dog out back for hours at a time, and next door’s not hanging out back barbecuing for hours on end either, but it’d still be bad enough. We’d still hear the dog every other time it went out to shit, the TV would still be blaring away, and next door would be slamming back and forth several times a day.

My biggest question right now, besides what the hell’s going on with my ear and teeth, is whether or not Tom’s been sitting on a gold mine all this time with this job and not known it. When he couldn’t get hired at that auto parts place or at Walmart I said, “Well, there’s a reason for everything.” Only I thought that reason was to keep us poor since this job seemed to be going nowhere for so long. Now the stage is set for a potential partnership. This would literally mean us going from being the financial underdogs of our families to richer than any of them could ever be, and most of them are pretty close to being rich! Like Tom said, he doesn’t want to get overly optimistic, but if things continued to progress as they have been and he continues to score points with the owners, he could be made partner in which case we’d stay here 2-3 more years, then he’d sell his partnership, and we would go not to find him a new job in Sacramento, but to retire anywhere! Maybe not on a yacht or in Beverly Hills since we’d have the same problem we had in Maricopa by going to Beverly Hills where most of our money would be tied up in the house, leaving us not much extra for other things. Since I wouldn’t want to return to the intense dryness and heat or the giant spiders that deserts bring, I think we may settle somewhere along the coast of northern California. That way, with the water being so cold up there, we wouldn’t have a million sunbathers right outside our window. It’ll depend on the climate there. If it’s going to be too much like this, then I’d want to go tropical or back to the desert.

I know I shouldn’t go getting my hopes up. A few good months don’t necessarily mean that it’s not still in our cards to struggle for most of our lives, but I can’t help but hope for good things to happen!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2005 In the midst of the usual ear/teeth annoyances, and listening to her slam in and out next door, I hit my biggest instant win yet. A $200 custom racing jacket! I hope they send one that’ll fit Tom because they didn’t ask for sizes. It’s an auto-racing jacket of some kind. I can’t find a picture of it. The grand prize is a car. I’ve won nearly $1000 in merchandise this month! Tom thinks I’ll one day win a prize worth thousands. I do, too. I just don’t know what or when.

Living with this chronic pain day after day, year after year really gets old. I just don’t understand this Jodi-must-have-something-going-on-with-her rule. If it’s not my asthma, it’s my allergies. When it’s not that, it’s my ear and teeth. It’s always, always something. I’ve quit praying. He obviously wants me to suffer and I should’ve known better too, because I’ve prayed for help with other problems just to be ignored and forced to deal with them for months or even years on end. What kind of a God does this?! Why bother trying to treat my ear and teeth anyway? It’d only cost thousands of dollars and delay the move indefinitely for one, and it’d simply mean trading them in for new problems. Maybe the next problem will be worse, so I’ll just keep this one and learn to toughen up a bit more. They say there’s a reason for everything. I don’t see why any good being up there would possibly want me to suffer, but it does. It does and so I have to just trust in it and hope it’s for the best.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 2005 She just pulled out next door for the second time that I know of today and slammed her doors three times, once so hard that the palm fronds of my plant shook. That’s another obsession of people I could never understand besides their craving for attention; why do they have to slam doors? Car doors, home doors, any doors?

Anyway, it’s been snowing steadily since I got up 7 hours ago. It sure keeps things quiet out there overall, though I don’t like it.

By the 17th we’ll have 4 things – the bed, 2 sets of sheets (one polar pink, one passion rose), a comforter of shimmering lavender, blue, and gold, and an office chair. Then in a couple of weeks from now, we’ll get the platform and the headboard/shelves.

We checked out the pet store we got the betta from and all they had were 4 boring white rats. Also, the lady wouldn’t let me pick them up. She said I could pat them in the cage, but not pick them up in case they got loose. That told me something right there about their temperaments, so when we get rats, we’ll get them somewhere else where we can handle them. We agreed to wait a while anyway, though, till we know if the move is going to be worth delaying or not. If we are going to move within a year, however, we don’t want the hassle of having animals moving with us. I still hope this job ends up really being one hell of a jackpot, but the worst-case scenario – and I know it sounds funny saying this – we go to Sacramento as early as July.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 4, 2005 I am still sad over the loss of my Blondie but doing better.

UPS just brought me that Christmas scrapbooking prize that I really couldn’t use in any way. Guess I’ll yard sale it someday.

For the first time in ages, I’m actually a bit bored. I’m caught up on my sweeps and don’t have much to update on other than the fact that tonight’s the night we order the bed and a new office chair. Watch, the bed won’t do a damn thing to rekindle our lost appetites, but oh well. At least I don’t have to worry about conceiving either way. At this age, sex just isn’t a high priority for me. Making money, winning prizes and going shopping are what we both live for these days, and having as much fun along the way as possible. Still, I’ll do what he always said was the magic cure for his so-called problem, which I still think was always intentional, and not say anything about his not cumming, and as time goes on, assuming we get it on more than once or twice, time will prove that the problem was never me, but rather his fear of impregnating me. I’m sure that even if I had a full hysterectomy today, however, he’d still hold back to cover the truth. I have mixed feelings about his not allowing himself to cum these days. I don’t want him to because that way I know I couldn’t get pregnant, not that I ever believed it was in my cards to do so in the first place. On the other hand, it still adds a sense of non-normalcy to my life, and I’ve got enough of those. How many people wake up to the sound of a pin dropping? How many can’t sleep with other people? How many can’t keep a schedule? Even so, if the choice were mine, I’d prefer him to hold back. Keeps the sheets drier if anything!

Unless something up there is teasing the hell out of us really bad, there is a distinct possibility that he could end up making a ton of money at this place. To think that Oregon, which I’d quickly come to hate with a passion, could possibly change our lives in such a huge and wonderful way, is pretty mind-boggling.

I don’t know if the mailman’s just late or if we simply didn’t get anything today. I could really go for a movie right now, so I doubt one will show up anytime soon.

I’m beginning to doubt I’ll see the DVDs I won, but oh well. That happens sometimes. I just better get the guitar I won in 2-3 weeks like they said I would!

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2005 I’m quite crushed with sorrow at the moment because Blondie died last night. It began on Monday, the last day of October. Instead of always wanting to be let out to sit on my lap he just slept like crazy. He was having a harder time breathing and wasn’t eating. All day yesterday he could barely move and he was ice cold to the touch. Yesterday evening we put a Benadryl tablet in his water to help him sleep because he seemed to be fighting so hard and the struggle was exhausting him. We turned in around 9:00 and when I got up at 4:00 he was gone. We knew he couldn’t possibly survive the night. I never wept so hard for a lost animal before in my life. Even Tom agrees it was the best pet he’s ever had. He was so smart and so loving, totally beyond any other animal we’ve ever had.

This morning before work, Tom buried him at the side of the house. Initially, we were going to bury him by the back fence, but we decided not to so the lady next door wouldn’t see us. We didn’t want to risk her telling Pam that she saw us because Pam would no doubt be able to put two and two together and know that we buried a pet we weren’t supposed to have here.

I’ve been bawling my eyes out on and off. He was one traveled rat, that’s for sure. From Arizona, on up through California, to Oregon. He stayed in so many motel rooms, then the duplex and then here, and that’s quite a fun adventure for a rat. It was for him, anyway. To think that he’ll never again run to the door for me to let him out and that I’ll never hold him again makes me sick with grief. It’s a different kind of grief and pain than say when the sickos had me thrown in jail or when we lost the house and then the land up here, but it’s hard just the same. I keep thinking it must be somewhat like what it’d be like to lose a child.

Later…

I had to stop because I was crying so hard that the screen became nothing more than one big blur. I might wear my glasses for most of the day to help me see better when I’m sweeping. Most people are content to just lie in bed when they’re sad, but I have to keep busy. Maybe that’s why I just did some rearranging. Plants and dolls now adorn the corner where his big cage was. As nice as it looks, I wish I could snap my fingers and have the cage be there again with him in it, healthy, happy, full of spunk and life as he begs for treats and attention. Sometimes he’d really get on my nerves, always bugging me to play with him or to at least cuddle. Well, I really wish he could be here right now to annoy the hell out of me for the millionth time while I try to get my work done.

I was in the kitchen earlier when I thought I heard him moving around, but of course when I came into the living room, I found it was just the heater. Just the damn heater.

This morning I pulled back the shower curtain and found the air freshener in the tub. I asked Tom if he remembered knocking it off the side of the tub, but he didn’t. Did he really knock it in there and just not realize it? Or was that a sign that Blondie’s spirit lives on? See, the thing was empty and I’d never have thought to check if it hadn’t been in there, so I took the battery out. I’ll get a new oil refill soon.

Tom believes in spirits, he just doesn’t know what they do or where they go. Maybe they live someplace else with other spirits, or maybe they float around the world and stick with their loved ones. Or maybe they have a choice and can go back and forth.

I hate to say it, but since we had to lose him someday, I’m just glad it didn’t happen when we were broke. The stress of that would’ve only compounded the grief. To help with the pain I just try to remember the good times we had with Blondie over the last 20 months and I try to think of the good things like the fact that we have extra money right now because when we move to California, it’s back in the poorhouse for a while until we get established there, but that’s okay. It’ll be worth it, and hey, sometimes you just gotta lose in order to gain.

We made it to November without any snow, though they’re saying once again that we’re in for some tomorrow which sucks. It took me 5-6 years to adapt to the desert climate, but I can already feel myself adapting to this one. Guess that’s what happens when you spend your first 26 years in a cold climate. Still, I don’t intend to stay here any longer than necessary. Of course, this winter we can also afford to heat the hell out of this place. In a place twice as big with electric heating and us being as broke as we were, it was kind of hard to do. I froze my ass off in that duplex! As small and as tilted as this place is, I wouldn’t mind staying in it for a few years if there really is a once-in-a-lifetime windfall at work that could bring us thousands of dollars. That’d be well worth the delay. However, I know that the peace around here can’t last forever. Sooner or later the house next door is going to sell and I’m 100% sure there’ll be a dog barking its ass off 24/7 in the yard just outside our windows, maybe two. Also, the lady on the other side is bound to move sooner or later, and the summer bugs here are a nightmare. Most people don’t stay in rentals for more than a year or two. We’d still also prefer a level place that’s a little bigger and newer so that it’s sealed up better. Part of what makes this place not sealed up as well is the fact that it’s tilted. Another 10-20 years and this thing’s coming down for sure. I know it’s safe right now because they recently redid the plumbing and electrical, in which case it would’ve had to be inspected and would’ve been deemed inhabitable if it had been found unsafe.

We survived another Halloween in the city, which is a good thing considering that I was crashing at the time they were to be out and about. It seems that I’m always asleep on Halloween, just like I’d always be asleep whenever the pigs would come to start shit with me.

My ear has been better these last few days, but I know better than to assume the problem’s going away forever. If there’s any good in knowing that, however, it’s that I know I won’t develop something else while I’m dealing with it!

I won some sort of crafts thing. Christmas-related stuff, I guess. It doesn’t seem like it’ll be very exciting, but we’ll see.

0 notes

skinni-girls-eat-books · 10 months ago

Text

Friday, April 5th, 2024!

10:04am: I just unadded him from snapchat and I know that's just a baby step and probably could get reversed any day now. It helps not seeing the chat thread right there every time I open it up. He's just doing too much and everyone was right ig, once he loses her he's gonna realize he lost both of us because I don't see him the same way. Or he found his dream girl and needs to stop being a dick about me irdc. He didn't appreciate me and it's clear he doesn't appreciate her!! If he did he wouldn't be jeopardizing his relationship with her. They're both stupid and I'm tired of dealing with it. They both have miserable lives and obviously need to fill it with ridiculous relationship drama because they are unhappy with their lives and themselves. No sane person would do this dumbass shit.

11:31am: Also figured out that archiving the FB messages is basically the same as deleting in my brain 😂 feels guud to not see it every time I wanna text my mom n stuff ❤️ The hehe haha funniest part of this shit is I don't think he's even gonna notice for a while. I just can't deal anymore with a half-assed friendship, gaslighting toxic, treats women like shit total dumbass. Keeping in mind what F said, do I want my son to act like this? Absolutely the fuck not. Couldn't imagine raising a child WITH a not-grown man child 😭 WTH y'all will never catch me doing that shit.

6:52pm: idk why I still feel so burnt out oh wait probably bc.... I'm burnt out! Anyway I still think it's a good idea to start a X number of days since I've heard from him, today would be #2. I want to say, oh this time I think he's definitely gone! But Jesus fucking Christ we've been through so much and he still bothers me so I have no fucking Idea anymore.

12:16am: lmao I re-added him and told him off some more, like I've said previously, what do I have to lose? A guy who mentally incapable of being monogamous and does nothing to fix himself 🤷‍♀️ whatever he's fucking lucky I don't send his gf screenshots of his dick. 💀 Idrc but it's nice knowing I could. She's too much of a whore to care though so yeah they're really a perfect pair. Lol all this because I got frustrated from busy work today 😂 if I didn't have to do all that dumb shit today would've went really differently. But that's what's friends are for right the good and the bad so fuck him, he sucks as a friend and doesn't deserve me. He sucks so bad he doesn't even know about these messages bc he hasn't readded me yet 🙄 it's so hard to feel bad for him, he has done all of this to himself. Idc anymore. Jeez it's gonna take me so long to fall asleep wish me luck!

0 notes

jeza-jezaro · 8 months ago

Text

Excuse me for butting in, but I'm hoping I can give a different perspective.

Like, I know it's, as you say, "fucking stupid", but that doesn't make it go away.

That kind of thinking is 'fucking stupid', but not because it's plain stupid. Calling it stupid and not examining it further doesn't help.

I can't speak specifically about what has made *you* think about it like that, but I can talk about it on a larger scale. It's a way of thinking that stems from the outdated belief that men should be able to make a woman orgasm just with their penis. This does such a big disservice to everyone. The truth is that most women can't orgasm from just penis in vagina intercourse. The vast majority of women need additional stimulation, be it clitoral or something else. I think the most optimistic study says that fewer than 25% can orgasm just from intercourse. (did you know that it's only the clitoris and the vaginal entrance that are sensitive? the deeper you go the fewer nerves there are. what are going to do with that penis?) Placing this kind of expectation on men and women creates a lot of hurt feelings on both sides. Men, as you rightfully pointed out, feel like they are not good enough and they can't satisfy their partner. Women end up feeling like they're broken and there's something wrong with them. If there isn't healthy communication this can fester.

Now a lot of people compensate for this with foreplay - fingers and cunnilingus being the most common ways. Toys are another way to do that. Think about it this way - do you watch TV with your partner? Does it make you feel like you are not a good enough conversation partner? Do you think the two of you should be able to always talk without doing anything else? If you can't do that then you must be failing at conversation? I doubt it. In pretty much the same way a sex toy just adds another fun activity (or more) to what you do in the bedroom. You don't have to if you don't feel comfortable, no one has to do anything they are not comfortable with (don't take this out of context). But it's always worth examining why something makes us feel uncomfortable and if there's anything that should be addressed.

After all, in a culture where you've been taught to make sure your sexual partner reaches an orgasm and you do your best, you start asking yourself (and your partner) "if I can't do it but toys can, what am I for?".

I think this is a good place to ask yourself - what has our culture done to teach us about sex? Sure, we had sex ed in 5th grade (or somewhere around there), but beyond that? How do we talk about sex? In what ways can we learn to have good sex? Can we find help if we are having problems in our sex life? My answers are - nothing, badly, we can't, we can't. That's not even getting into the everyday expectations placed on men and women and how those affect us in the bedroom.

Finally, if you and your partner agree to use a toy, it won't magically make her orgasm. It's a tool like any other and it's all about how you use it. It can be miserable, or it can be about the two of you experiencing something new together. And if your partner reaches an orgasm it would be because the two of you have created a space where it's alright to try and enjoy new things, you are allowed to learn, and the two if you are sharing that experience. Sharing the moment with you will make everything 10 times better than if she was doing it on her own.

"using sex toys in bed means im Not Enough to satisfy on my own" "my partner owning and using sex toys means im not good enough and its almost cheating" is such a wiiiiiiild mindset in general like i cant imagine living like this. well you see when you take your girl out on a date to a restaurant the food that shes eating and enjoying is food that someone else made, not food that you made. so its someone else satisfying her. why didnt you cook this for her? you paid for someone else to be making your girl feel good and you know you cant compare. might as well let her go to the staff area so she can give everyone a handy. cuck.

13K notes · View notes

wyrmhaven · 11 months ago

Text

Session #18

July 5th, 2023

White reports to an unknown entity about his time at Wyrm Academy He mentions the ongoing preparations, and expresses his concern that the entity in the shadows hasn't made any recent moves He comments about the necessity of secrets, and asks if the entity has any questions The entity does not, and tells White that he's free to go Meanwhile, the Angels have a discussion amongst themselves Angelika is fuming that Zoey chose to perform with Carmilla and Doya instead of them They agree that Zoey cannot win They decide to enlist Chadriz's help, and Angelique goes to speak with him The following day, our group play MASH with Larksann and Quentillius Antiphiun Melentor III Carmilla and Zoey get bad results, Quentillius and White get decent results, Larksann gets great results Doya asks what social clique Quentillius is part of Quentillius assures her that he's a social chameleon, and can play whatever role he needs to Zoey goes to sit with the angels as class begins Later that day, White goes to the Firejolt Cafe to get some coffee He is approached by Nicollin, who asks to speak to him Nicollin is unsure what to order White suggests tea, and orders extra coffee for himself Nicollin tells White that he's noticed how people speak to White voluntarily, and asks why White asks if they can speak in private Elina doubles on that request to get Nicollin away from the main counter Nicollin and White go sit in a booth Nicollin asks what White's secret is White explains that he's less social than he looks, but he makes a point to get to know people Nicollin admits that he's already asked Carmilla for help about socializing, but didn't get many results He mentions that he's making an effort to listen to people more, but nothing has improved He wants to change how he interacts with people He asks White what would happen if he were to talk about minute details about Mage Tower White explains that he would try to steer the conversation he is interested in, and if not likely leave Nicollin asks how to find a subject people would like White suggests asking them, or discussing things that people broadly like Nicollin wonders what to do if wants to talk about something no one cares about White suggests that he be a writer, and that the Wyrm Watcher has open position Nicollin comments that he was playing coy about his drink order, thanks White, and leaves Carmilla is approached by a student who gives her a signed picture of Angel d'Amour That night, Carmilla sneaks out, and goes to speak to the people that Ramon recommend They give her information about a job, and tell her that Don will be happy She tries to break into a store, but gets spotted by a canary and then a bystander as she leaves She hides, and sees the store's owner argue with the bystander The guards are called and arrest the bystander She returns to her employers, who tell her that she won't get to speak to the Don and that she now owes them 100GP Carmilla is more miserable than usual the next few days Aurora notices, and asks what's happening Carmilla states that she messed up in a major way When pressed, she explains the situation She asks what to do Aurora doesn't know She asks if Carmilla's tried Rin's blood She adds that that she did, and that it tasted weird The two discuss how to drink Rin's blood, and how Zoey might react to Carmilla drinking someone else's blood The two agree to get Nicollin and finally talk to the nurses Aurora asks why Carmilla hangs out with him so much Carmilla explains that she finds him funny They find him, and head to the nurse's office

Carmilla offers the two friendship bracelets as they walk They find Nurse DeSantis Carmilla delivers a prepared statement about their situation The Nurse asks about how much it hurts Nicollin is difficult about that The Nurse explains that she can't do much to help, but can offer some pain medication She also gives them forms that she can present to Archjusticar Yasha about adding some exceptions to the ward for them She writes down the name of a magic item that could help, but her handwriting is illegible Meanwhile, Rin notices that Ethel seems extra irritable He sees her trying to set up some pranks, but failing He spots Chadriz and his friends trying to shove her into a lock He intervenes and tells them to stop They say no Rin asks if Chadriz is too weak to take him on Chadriz asks if he's going to just tattle to Nadia again He asks why Rin cares, and if Ethel is Rin's friend Ethel says no Rin says yes Chadriz asks how someone like him got into the school Rin counters that he doesn't know how someone with Chadriz's lack of talent got in Chadriz decides to fall back, but assures Rin that next time he sees Rin, Rin is dead Rin helps Ethel out of the locker Ethel asks why he helped her He assures her that he couldn't let them treat her like that Ethel storms off Rin follows Ethel asks why he's following Rin explains that he wants to help her Ethel points out that associating with her will put a target on both of them Rin counters that they'll get bullied either way He explains that growing up with his siblings taught him how to stand up for himself Ethel asks about his ice magic, and if he's used it against Chadriz She explains that she has a plan for a prank against Chadriz, but she needs help and Vladimir was unwilling to help her The two scheme their revenge against Chadriz as Rin escorts Ethel to her room He finds out that Prism is her roommate Prism wants in on the prank The next day, they meet up outside the boy's locker room Rin sneaks in, and waits for Chadriz to be alone in the showers He signals Ethel to come in, and freezes the water As Chadriz reacts, Ethel yells at him and casts Darkness on him The two laugh as Chadriz slips and slides in the darkness The continue to laugh as their flee Ethel asks how Rin casted the spell silently Rin admits that he's actually a sorcerer, and asks her to keep it a secret Ethel asks how much he's willing to pay to keep his secret Rin wets her pants instead She wets his pants in return She agrees to keep his secret and train him as a sorcerer if he helps her prank people He agrees Meanwhile, the Angels talk to Zoey They ask about her performance and what she had planned Zoey admits that she didn't have an outfit planned The Angels allow her to use some of their old clothes for the performance Zoey accepts, thanks them, and goes to show Carmilla and Doya Carmilla refuses the offer Doya has conflicting feelings but accepts Anji's outfit The three agree to coordinate around Zoey's outfit from them The day of the festival comes, and our group go towards the Rose Theater along with Dawn They discuss what Dawn and White have planed The two keep their secrets They enter the packed theater, and find seats near Pain's group Professor Totsky speaks up, introduces herself and the show, and asks that the students get ready She introduces the judges for the show: Herself, Professor Auron, a dwarven Lorehold professor named Ghostforge, and an elven Prismari professor named Cecil Rin explains to our group that Cecil was also a friend of his brother Professor Totsky concludes her speech, and the show begins! There a lot of various acts, some good and some bad As Missing Peace get ready, Zoey notices Larksann wandering off She approaches, and asks what's wrong Larksann explains that she's nervous about the audience Zoey asks that she not look at the audience , but her instruments and the band She assures Larksann that the audience will be barely visible, and it'll be like she's just at practice Larksann thanks her, and goes to rejoin Missing Peace

Missing Peace is up next, and they performs a song written by Larksann Greta performs a bunch of weightlifting, ending with lifting Rampart in full armor Cad does some standup, and makes jokes about a wife Urzmaktok does a dance of his people with illusory orcs while scantily clad Larine does a water dance routine in a pool that is conjured for her Javenesh and Jooli perform a fake fight scene where Javenesh breaks various objects Rosimy and the LARP club do a physical comedy adventure Drazhomir reads a moving poem Rubina, Shuvadri, and Tilana perform an acapella song Egao and Haru perform a Yumikuni song with traditional instruments and fans Dawn and White go next White explains that they will be painting something, and encourages the audience to guess what they're making Dawn creates a massive three-dimensional canvas The two paint a massive golden creature, which is revealed to be a sphinx! Sunny performs a song with a spectral band He thanks his family as he leaves Carmilla panics at the thought of his family being there Nicollin delivers a monologue that puts most people to sleep Quentillius puts on a one-man play Carmilla, Doya, and Zoey go behind stage to prepare Zoey asks if Carmilla needs blood Carmilla assures her that she does not They are interrupted by the Angels, who wish Zoey the best As the three go on stage, Anji kisses Doya Doya walks on stage with her halo floating and her wings out Carmilla sees Sunny's parents, and panics more Zoey introduces the group to the audience as the Rainbow Rebels The three begin to perform a song! Rin and White spot Chadriz in the rafters above Doya He casts Catapult and flings one of Doya's energy drinks at him Chadriz and the drink and knocked over and fall elsewhere in the rafters The Rebels finish their performance, and go backstage They return to their seats as the Angels being their performance The performance has three parts; a song for each Angel Anji's part features all three songs with twintails and puffy skirts, purple lightning, and vines that lift Anji above the audience Angelique's part features the three in suits, Angelique singing as the other two follow her around, and Angelique acting romantic to the other two as she sings Angelika's part features the three in tap dance shoes, and a music number that features Angelika opening her wings Doya gets a perfect picture of Angelika They get a standing ovation as the performance ends Doya stops the Angels as they return to their seats Angelika tells her that she's welcome for the picture Doya tells Anji that she should be cheer captain Doya tells Angelique that she… had a nice song As the girls return to their seats, the Losers and the tiefling twins hand out the tomato bags White gives his to Chadriz, who gladly accepts it Pain walks on stage with his team, and introduces his team as Violent Tendencies He explains that he's going to play a song about how all the bad things add up He begins to sing a very suggestive song while occasionally looking at Doya Professors Auron and Ghostforge get up to try to stop the show Carmilla sends Nandor to invisibly distract one of them Doya convinces Maxwell to give her chicken feed to put on the ground to make them trip She then sics Nicollin on one of them Puff investigates the pyrotechnics, catches on fire, and explodes Vladimir casts Wall of Force to protect them from the professors As all the chaos ensues, some of the props back stage shamble forward, animated by black ooze The crowd begins to panic! Some of the students go to stop some of them, as our group goes to stop some others: An otyugh, an owlbear, and a slaad! FIGHT!

#sessions #18 #dnd #strixhaven

0 notes

thisselflovecamebacktome · 1 year ago

Note

Yeah like i don't think Taylor needs to tells us anything. Her music says enough, tbh. But when she gives us info, she wants us to believe. She has no reason to lie, she could just not say anything but when she says something (either via PR, music, IG or interview) it comes from her heart and is honest and having someone saying she's lying is just upseting.

Yeah so I've been putting a lot of time into like thinking about fan boundaries (more so in terms of myself) over 2023, and like I've fallen on "Anything that comes from Taylor or her team/friends is fair game" for the most part. Like yes, I'll clown a little about low stakes things such as Reputation (Taylor's Version) being announced at my show or discuss ideas surrounding her career endeavours like music and her upcoming movie, but I've been trying really hard to not post/reblog pictures she didn't explicitly want taken or clickbait stories, especially about her private life.

Even so, I'll admit, the last 48 hours have blurred that a bit for me because obviously the 5th of December 2021 is just a date. It doesn't actually tell us that Taylor was miserable for all of 2022 (and I'd argue she wasn't), so some implications have to be made. I also think it's very easy to get caught up in a moment when everyone else is posting about something and shift those boundaries, which arguably I have done and something I need to work at more.

But ultimately I agree that overall Taylor just does not want to be misunderstood, and, especially given Snakegate and her past as a whole, does not want to be seen as a liar. Like as others have noted, I don't think the trauma is purely about whether she was married or not, it's about how she's perceived and the dissonance between what people say happened compared to what did. Because for someone who wants to be 'good' and 'fair' like Taylor, the implications that the ceremony happened and she's coming for Joe for nothing (which, as an aside, this whole thing with Deuxmoi is stupid because if Taylor and Tree were stupid enough to lie about this, Joe could very easily sue them for defamation, so that tells me enough about who's telling the truth here tbh) in itself is hurtful and could be traumatic. So yeah, I completely get why they've lashed out about this specifically and while I unfortunately doubt it will, hope it gets Deuxmoi to shut up once and for all.

#taylor swift

1 note · View note

bivht · 2 years ago

Text

Things the People in My Life Have Said and Their Astrology Placements

Not word for word because my memory is crap. This is a roast out of love.

◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━

✧ “They have to come to the hang out… they don’t get a choice” —Venus opposite Mars.

✧ “They better come… I’ll kill them if they don’t… jk” -Venus square Mars.

✧“I need a LOT of attention” -Jupiter in the 5th house.

✧ “I just feel like I need to help them with their problems yk” -Chiron in the 7th house.

✧“I’m stuck in the aliexpress rabbit hole” -Leo moon+Leo Mercury.

✧“Don’t listen to him, everything that comes out of his mouth is sh*t” -Aquarius moon to another Aquarius moon.

✧“Make sure to add veges next time when you eat ramen, it’s not healthy” -Virgo venus.

✧“People are so stupid” -Scorpio moon.

✧ “Whenever I get angry I just lash out on my mum, I’m like why did you make my life miserable by giving birth to me??” -Mercury conjunct Pluto+another Scorpio moon🤦‍♀️.

✧ “omg heyyy” -TWO of my Sun-in-the-11h+libra-moon friends to 5 different people within the span of a 2 min walk.

✧🔞 “I read another swordplay, vore fanfic on a03” -Mars square Neptune.

✧ 🔞 *quoting Brandon Rogers’ aristocrats joke* -Mars square Neptune.

✧🔞 “I’ve thought about taking pictures of my feet and selling them on onlyfans, do you think I could make a lot of money? -Mars square Neptune+Mercury conjunct Pluto+Mercury in sagittarius, the list goes on.

All three of these mars square neptune are different people btw.

✧I’m soo tired” *giggles hysterically* -mercury opposite neptune.

✧“WHAT?? nooo you have to eat something” -taurus venus when someone says they haven’t eaten breakfast.

✧ “I love doing these personality tests” -cancer mercury.

✧ “I’ll come and be your moral support” *does* -capricorn venus.

✧ “manipulate him” scorpio moon.

✧ “You made me feel really insecure about my calculator” -scorpio moon.

I swear all these scorpio moon ones, they were just saying it as a joke- kinda. I love them�� when developed.

✧ “People were so annoyed at me because I was so intelligent *whispers* and pretty”

-sun conjunct uranus, sun conjunct venus, venus conjunct mars, mercury conjunct uranus, venus conjunct uranus, mars conjunct uranus, sun conjunct mercury, mercury conjunct venus, sun conjunct mars.

She has a lot of conjunction alright? And they’re all in libra.

✧ “That’s so stupid” -virgo moon.

✧ “I’m gonna use you as my personal Uber from now on” -scorpio moon.

✧ “I need to interrogate him to decide if he’s good enough for you” -scorpio mercury.

✧ “When I was in school, I was popular with the women” -aries moon.

✧ “People suck” -aquarius mercury.

✧ “People suck” -mars in the 11th house.

✧ *shit talking* -capricorn mercury.

✧ *looking at our friend from -a very far- distance* “You can tell it’s her right away, look at the way she walks -THE CONFIDENCE” -@ our sun conjunct asteroid sirene (1009) friend.

✧ *crashes car* *when confronted abt it* “I was TIRED, the car next to me was TOO CLOSE” *comes up with more excuses* -sun square mars+mercury square neptune.

✧ “omg I definitely failed that test” *gets 87%* -jupiter in the 3rd house.

✧ “I did soo bad on that test” *doesn’t* -sagittarius moon.

◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━◈━

Edit: The small writing is cute lol.

#astrology observations #astrology notes #idfk

402 notes · View notes

its-actually-minicika · 2 years ago

Text

Headcanons for the HotD!Main Three

Part 1? (Let me know if you would like more);;

Pairing(s): Aemond x Reader, Jacaerys x Reader, Aegon x Reader

Warnings: None, for once in my life;

Author's Note: just a couple of fluffy headcanons for your pleasure, to make up for the last part of the Yule Ball series;; they date back to your first meeting with the boys, and go as far as to touch close to the full-swing celebrations of the ball, during your 5th year at Hogwarts :)

Of First Meetings And First Crushes

☆ Aemond Targaryen ☆

There is a single, undisputable fact when it comes to your life at Hogwarts - you and Aemond go way back;

He bumped into you on your first ever ride on the Hogwarts Express. While you were discoursing with your new possible housemates, he was frantically searching for his old cat, Vhagar;

"I lost my pet. She is a Siamese cat with only one ear - answers to the name of Vhagar." He said stiffly to the cheery group of people, and one 3d year Ravenclaw snickered in reply: "Shit, little guy, I'd run away too if my name was Vhagar."

His group of friends immediately started laughing and it's safe to say you didn't like that;

After a short screaming match with the rude Ravenclaws (which you effortlessly won), you decided to help Aemond find his missing cat;

"You shouldn't have done that." He chastised you with a serious tone. "They could be your new housemates."

"There is only one thing I won't tolerate in my presence, and that is a bully!" The fire in your eyes made him smile - truly smile. "Now, let's go find your cat."

Vhagar ended up being in the back compartments, with all the other caged pets; she was trying to reach for your own cat with a shaky paw, but was failing miserably

Aemond grabbed her hurriedly and you made a joke that your pets should be best friends - he turned really red after seeing your wide smile;

For the rest of the train ride, you both sat together in an empty compartment - and when Aemond got hungry, you gave him one of your P&J sandwiches that you made for the trip;

"I also added chocolate chips. The secret is to add many, many chocolate chips."

He felt really dejected when you were sorted into Gryffindor, and he in Slytherin. He thought that was the beginning of the end for your sudden friendship - but you proved him wrong when you defended him time and time again whenever anyone made a nasty comment about his hair, his height, his gloomy disposition or his "ugly" cat;

He fell in love with you very quickly: how could he not, when you were so radiant and so good to him?

Your friendship was going steady, until the end of your 1st year, when he stopped writing to you mid-summer;

You were crushed by his silence, and eventually stopped writing as well;

When you saw him on the Hogwarts Express again, you understood why he ghosted you - his left eye was covered by a black eyepatch, and a deep scar cut from his brow to his lower cheek.

A lot of drama ensued between you two: Aemond tried his hardest to push you away, but you were very determined and head-strong. Eventually, your friendship won in the face of any argument or harsh words Aemond could throw in your face;

During your 3d and 4th year, he was COMPLETELY DEVOTED to you;

He was your shadow - wherever you went, he was quick to follow.

Some students made nasty comments about it (always behind his back, of course, because Aemond had that scary presence);

When he told you about the stinging comments, you assured him that you loved hanging out with him and it would really hurt you if he stopped being near you;

Aemond.exe stopped working for 3 working days after hearing you say that - yeah, he does loves you that much, HE IS WHIPPED;

That being said, Aemond's love language is acts of service and quality time;

He "helps" you with homework (a fancy word for "he literally does it for you even if you don't ask him to") and is always there when you need someone to listen and lend you a crying shoulder;

You invited him over for Christmas during your 3d year, and he was so nervous, he wore his best clothes when meeting your parents;

He looked really chill on the outside, though, and spoke really mechanically for the 1st half of the night, like he was applying for a job or something;

Little do you know he was applying to be your boyfriend EYYY--

Everyone knows you're in love. EVERYONE. It's really annoying to look at the two of you sometimes smh;

"JUST CONFESS AND GET IT OVER WITH PLEASE WE'RE ALL BEGGING YOU"

"Celeste, he doesn't like me like that..."

"YES BITCH HE DOES"

He's the main Slytherin Chaser and the Quidditch team captain;

What a surprise, omg!11!!1!

He's not even into the sport, he just wanted to make a point that even with his missing eye, he can still do anything everyone else can - and better;

Okay, Aemond, we get it, you're really cool;

You're also the Gryffindor Seeker (oh-oh, athletic rivalry???) and he ALWAYS comes to your games (when he's not directly playing against you, of course);

He won't be cheering for you while swinging a butterbeer in the air - but he will curse the other seeker out under his breath and smirk when you catch the Golden Snitch;

Your first ever game was against the Ravenclaws, and when he came to support you wearing all silver and green, you gave him your Gryffindor scarf;

"So you can blend in with the enemy!" You beamed at him so innocently;

He gaslit you into believing he gave it back and you just lost it;

You didn't lose it;

He stole it from you and now hides it in his trunk;

He takes it out when no one is in his dorm and sniffs it from time to time LMAO;

He bought you a new scarf from Hogsmeade, though;

Never give it to him during a game.

NEVER!

He will steal it again.

And buy you ANOTHER scarf;

And repeat the terrible cycle;

It just smells like you, okay???? It's not his fault, now leave him alone;

When you win a game, and you're not otherwise engaged, he celebrates with you in Hogsmeade;

He takes you to "The Empty Barrel" (literally the fanciest restaurant the little town has to offer);

"Don't even think about covering the whole check, Aemond!"

"Hmm."

No, he won't take you to Three Broomsticks. The tables there are sticky and he wants to do this right, god damn it...!

You feel bad that he always pays for those little dinners, when it should be you who covers the table;

So you shyly ask him if he wants to go celebrate one of his victories with you one day;

He wants to whisk you away and keep you all to himself with how adorable you're being;

Aemond accepts (how would he ever say no to you), but has to take an hour long cold shower after your proposition to cool off;

Anyway, you decide to take him to The Hog's Head!

You eat there and HE STILL COVERS THE DAMN CHECK;

"Aem. We agreed on something. Come on!"

"Did we now?"

"You're terrible. I'm never going out with you again."

But you do. And he knows not to take your cute threat seriously;

He gives you a small chuckle that makes your whole face burn in embarrassment over the things it led you to think about;

Despite the initial set-back, you do manage to one-up him that night, though! You tell him to wait in the empty Great Hall for you, and you return with a homemade apple pie and those horrible peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that you gave him when you first met;

"We never ate dessert! There's no way we can end the night without dessert."

He almost kisses you then and there, but gets scared you'll reject him;

The Portrait of Merlin ships you two. That's all I had to say.

No, but seriously, the most invested on-looker is the portrait of Merlin - he learns both your schedules every year and always keeps one of you busy with talking in between classes, so that you may "accidentally bump" into each other (see part 1 of the Yule Ball for a snippet of that);

The whole ass West Wing placed bets on who you'll end up with between Aegon, Aemond and Jacaerys.

Bonus: when you walk with Aemond, no matter the time of day, you have the biggest "scary dog privileges". NO ONE is getting close to bother you;

☆ Jacaerys Velaryon (Strong) ☆

You and Jace are also in the same year! But despite the fact that you guys have been seeing each other day and night since your sorting, you weren't really friends until your second year, when you suddenly got partnered up in so many of your classes;

You were excited to work with him, since he was so sweet to everyone, but you were also a little scared of rejection;

He came from a good family, he had a good last name, a million friends and a thousand extra-curriculars he partook in;

You half-expected to do all those projects wholly by yourself - to your surprise, Jace was incredibly serious, and the best partner anyone could ever hope for!

He never takes himself and his vision on things too seriously, and is more than happy to admit when he's wrong or when you have a better idea than him;

He smuggled pumpkin pastries into the Library for your first study meeting, and it ended up becoming tradition for the two of you;

How you never got caught eating in a forbidden space is beyond everyone at this point;

Although you never really started hanging out outside of class after your first couple of projects, you now called each other "friends" and always sat next to each other in Potions and DADA;

Unbeknownst to you, Jacaerys got into a fight over you and actually broke a Slytherin's nose when he heard him talk smack about you and your supposed weight;

"I dare you to say that again."

50 points were taken from Gryffindor that day - it was a pretty big deal;

He ended up talking so much about you to his parents on Christmas break, that they invited you to celebrate the New Year with them - you accepted, although a bit confused by the spontaneity of it all;

His family is the sweetest EVER;

Laenor made you a beautiful maroon sweater with your name designed on the collar with golden letters;

Of course, Jace had a matching one and wore his almost every day when you guys came back to Hogwarts;

He loved the fact that you were twinning your fits - even if you did it accidentally;

During your stay with his family, you got really close to Baela, Rhaena and Luke! You felt really grateful - your second year was rough for you, with Aemond's ever changing mood, and you felt so happy to be surrounded by friends who cared about you;

Jace and Luke BEGGED their parents to buy them a phone to talk to you over the summer in a more conventional way;

And they literally called you every single day while they spent their summer away in Denmark, visiting relatives;

You can only imagine how much they had to pay for all those international phone calls...

Let's get one thing straight, Jace has always been adorable.

BUT HIM DURING YOUR THIRD YEAR AT HOGWARTS??

HELLO??

Puberty hits this boy LIKE A TRUCK;

He looks so soft with that short fluffy hair and THE CURLS;

He also grows taller than you with half a foot;

To your (and everyone else's) mind, he was literally perfect - unapproachable;

People started calling him the school's prince, AND UNDERSTANDABLY SO;

Third year is a busy time for both of you - the try-outs for the Quidditch team are in full swing, and Jace lands himself the position of chaser (Luke follows you shortly the following year as your new keeper);

He quickly becomes the star of the Gryffindor team;

Girls swoon over him and his "sexy dimples";

You make fun of him for that and he blushes profusely, saying that he "doesn't like anyone like that anyway";

He literally sucks at Charms and Transfiguration, and he uses that to his advantage to get closer to you, since you excel at those subjects;

HIS LOVE LANGUAGE IS PHYSICAL TOUCH AND ACTS OF SERVICE;

Jace is so, so respectful of you though, he drinks that women respekt juice every single day; he wouldn't dare touch you if you weren't comfortable with that;

If you are just as touchy feely as he is, he LOVES having a protective hand thrown over you;

He has his own insecurities regarding his paternity rumours - The Targaryens are the embodiment of those very old pure-blooded families who still believe that muggleborns and half-bloods shouldn't "mix and match";

This is why Rhaenyra is even married with Laenor (who is obviously gay, and in the same predicament as she is, due to his family - bless him) and not Harwin Strong, Jace's actual father;

He feels trapped in his own family heritage, and feels so guilty when he catches himself thinking about escaping it sometimes;

Due to all that, Jace has a tendency to over-work himself and try to be in too many places at once;

You manage to level him and bring him back to earth - when he's with you, he forgets about his worries and he's so, SO GRATEFUL;

He falls in love with you during your 3d year at Hogwarts, but doesn't realise it until the very end of your 4th year (denial is a river in Egypt...);

Speaking of your 4th year, you have a small fall-out with Jace during that time, due to the fact that he gets his first girlfriend;

She's an exchange student from Ilvermorny, and she doesn't approve of your friendship one bit (oops);

Jacaerys tries to be the perfect gentleman with both of you, and fulfil both his "friend" duties, and his "boyfriend" ones;

Unfortunately, the perfect balance he figures out is ruined the moment you come to him with an emergency, and he completely forgets about the dinner date he had with his girl;

She breaks up with him the next day, telling him that he shouldn't use people to get over others;

And he's so confused, bless his heart;

"W... That's not... That's not what that was about!";

He feels really guilty for making his ex feel that way, and eventually figures out a way to make it up to her enough to stay friends;

Jacaerys is honestly the perfect ex LMAO;

Don't hate the player, hate the game;

His face completely falls when they brew Amorentia in Potions class and the whole place starts smelling like you;

But he STILL denies it for a while;

Psh, please, so many girls in this school could wear your exact perfume.

Right?

... right?

Jace is a very, very determined person. And once he sets his sight on someone, it's on;

You can bet the moment he hugs you goodbye at the train station, he's gonna think all summer about you and your beautiful soft hair;

Bonus: Jace's Boggart is a random manifestation of his loved ones dying - the worst one for him to face is yours;

☆ Aegon Targaryen ☆

Aegon doesn't care much about you at first;

He knows you're his younger brother's and nephew's "little girlfriend", and honestly doesn't see what's so great about you;

That is until you have a heart to heart with him when he's drunk out of his mind in Hogsmeade one day, during his 6th year (and your 4th one);

He was passed out into the snow, and you - beautiful, angelic you - came to his swift rescue;

He feels your warm hands touch his cheeks and forehead, and your own trench-coat cover him;

You lead him to the castle, and give him your coughing syrup that your parents packed for a quick pick-me-up;

"What's this?"

"It's cough syrup. For when your throat is sore."

"My throat isn't sore."

"Yet."

He becomes completely obsessed with you after that - and shows it to you in the harmless ways that he knows how;

Endless teasing, big and small pranks, small anonymous gifts;

His love language is gift giving and physical touch, so expect a lot of both, even if you aren't comfortable with that;

He is so thirsty for attention - even more so for your approval;

But he'll never admit it;

Still, if he happens to overhear that you like boys with short hair, he'll cut his hair short;

If he hears you like that soft boy aesthetic, that's exactly what he'll aspire to look like;

Unlike his younger brother and your other suitor, Aegon doesn't play Quidditch;

He'd much rather watch from the sidelines, thank you very much, and cause trouble while enjoying a cold butterbeer;

And unlike his baby brother, Aegon goes crazy with cheering for your victories (and even your losses when he's very drunk);

"HELL YEAH, (Y/N), THAT'S MY GIRL, WOOOO!"

"You do realise we lost... right?"

"... Oh."

"And I'm not your girl."

"... YET!"

The latter doesn't happen as often as you'd think;

It's cheesy, but you really do change him for the better. Slowly yet surely;

His support and affection for you goes as far as denying support for his own house.

"BOOO, FOUL PLAY!! THAT SEEKER SHOULD GET A RED CARD, HE PUSHED (Y/N) INTO THE OLD ARENA!"

"Aegon, that's the Hufflepuff Seeker..."

"..."

"BOOO!! AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES THESE THINGS?"

It's kind of obvious to everyone that he's also in love with you;

Except for you, since that's a theme;

You take his flirting as just that - Aegon flirting.

He gives you flowers on your birthday and a very expensive necklace with his initial on the back? - Nah, that's just how Aegon is.

He asks you out? - Nah, that's just how Aegon is.

He only dates girls who have a resemblance to you? - Nah, that's just how Aegon is.

Everyone gives you judgy looks when you say those things;

Aemond and Jacaerys are the only ones who are sort of glad you don't realise the depth of his feelings tbh;

You can bet Aegon and Aemond fight a lot because of you LMAO;

Oh, I'm sorry, you thought their relationship was bad before you entered the picture? Have a look at it now that Aegon's also courting you;

"You are so spoiled."

"I'm sorry? It was just a necklace. I don't understand why you're so pissed off about it."

"You know I love her."

"Are you dating her?"

"Hmm."

snickering "I'll take that as a no, then"

"Why is it that you feel the need to go after everything I want?"

"Easy there, brother, she's not your property or something."

"She's mine."

"You've known her for five years and you've done nothing to court her."

"Not everyone sleeps around on the first fucking date."

"Some people go after what they want. I warmly suggest you start doing the same."

"You aren't worthy enough of her. You never will be."

"... We'll see."

Bonus: Aegon has a moving picture of you and him in his wallet and sometimes talks to it when his life at home gets too hard;

Now this could be cute and sad at the same time, if not for that fact that Alicent caught him reciting a love poem to it once and Aegon panicked so hard, he pretended he was schizophrenic so she'd leave him alone;

She didn't, in fact, leave him alone;

He had to go to three different psychiatrists over the summer, to confirm that he was okay;

#aemond targaryen #aemond x reader #aemond fanfiction #aemond imagine #aegon x reader #house of the dragon hogwarts au #jacaerys x reader

216 notes · View notes

angelicsaggie · 2 years ago

Text

Matchmakers of the Zodiac: Juno

Juno is known for bringing people together through marriage and relationships. She wants you to find an individual that best suits you, therefore in your natal chart the asteroid Juno reveals the type of partner you need in your life. Do not focus on the 21st century definition of soulmate because love and relationships happen naturally when you are spiritually ready to attract your partner. This is also how you attract friendships, you do not focus on the term "best friend" you just go with the flow.

Do This Before You Start a Relationship

Would you want someone to give you a heavy suitcase to hold and you cannot place it on the floor? If not then leave your baggage behind when you enter a new relationship! Relationships is a job that requires you to sacrifice, make time, and reevaluate your boundaries (you usually blast music at 10pm but your partner dislikes it now you have to compromise.) In addition, you are suppose to grow with your partner spiritually, mentally, and physically. This is why Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, and Aquarius are hesitant about committing to relationships.

—

Why Am I Still Single?

You attract your partner and friendships when the universe believes that you are ready to start a new relationship. Sometimes you think that you are ready when you actually are not.

You and/or your future partner is currently healing

You need to focus on loving yourself more because you get too dependent in your relationships and forget that you are an independent person.

You need to learn more knowledge or spiritual information about the world before you can attract your partner

You need to balance your masculine and feminine energy.

You need to improve the quality of men/women that you date. You are so desperate for a relationship that you will date anyone who is attract to you, but just because someone is attracted to you doesn't mean that they are a great fit for you. You need to connect mentally and spiritually not just physically.

You are deeply wounded and you need to heal your scars before you play Russian Roulette in a new relationship.

Some people need to remain friends. Look beyond lust.

You are too controlling, passive, mean, rude, dominant, selfish, obsessive, manipulative, jealous, busy, or have too much free time.

You wear rose colored glasses. You look for the best qualities in a person and ignore their toxic behaviors and words.

—

Juno

1st house ♈️

Do not let your ego or your partner's ego get the best out of the relationship. This partnership is meant to grow mentally and spiritually. It will benefit the two of you if you can do physical things together like hobbies, exercise, and travel. Since Aries represents self, make sure that you spend time alone to recharge your energies.

2nd house ♉️

Someone in this relationship most likely has a love language of giving or receiving gifts. However, being in nature can heal the both of you, enrich your spiritual knowledge, and bring you closer together.

3rd house ♊️

Similar to Juno 9th house, this placement brings intelligent people together. As long as the two of you are honest and express your true emotions and opinions to each other the relationship will feel very nurturing. Do not settle with a partner that does not fit your communication style and love language or you will be miserable.

4th house ♋️

Cancer makes you very sensitive rather it is through your emotions or environment. You need a partner who will be honest with you and not judge you for being open to your emotions. Your partner will also be open-minded, gentle, and very spiritual.

5th house ♌️

This is a fun sign to do experiments with your partner. You could travel, work on hobbies, and create businesses together. You might need a very romantic partner, and if your partner does not treat you like the king or queen that you are then it is time to call it quits.

6th house ♍️

Virgo can make you value a partner who is perfect, but it is important to remember that being perfect is a myth. Focus on the best qualities of your partner without overlooking toxic habits. You can attract your partner if you work on your hobbies, go to work, and help out the community.

7th house ♎️

This duo needs to have time apart. If you spend too much time together it could make you form a dependency. Make sure that you make your own decisions and that you are not always relying on your partner to choose what to do. This can be a very beautiful placement because your partner will be very beautiful rather through their interests, looks, actions, or personality.

8th house ♏️

You crave a partner who will worship you. Not necessarily by shrines but someone who will find you alluring and intriguing. This individual will be loyal to you and shower you with love, merging energies, and their possessions.

9th house ♐️

You need a partner who wants to increase their knowledge. This could be from traveling, college, spirituality, and beyond the world of Jupiter. You and your partner will share information to each other. Your relationships will always transform your mind because you are flexible with information. Attract a partner who will be open to spirituality so the both of you can travel through the depths of time together.

10th house ♑️

Your partner or yourself could be a workaholic so it is important to find time to be together and apart. You need a partner that you respect. Perhaps your partner has a career, integrity, or mindset that you find wonderful.

11th house ♒️

This is the placement where you are most likely to meet your partner in the community (also Juno 6th). It would be great if you have an unconventional relationship. Who cares what society says? Do what is best for your relationship!

12th house ♓️

You and/or your partner is extremely sensitive to the world. Your partner needs to be able to talk with you about everything even their subconscious world. Attract a partner that will be able to travel with you through the art, music, and the fantasy world.

—

12/12 Portal

How to Boost Your Energy

December Horoscope 2022

Change the Narrative

26 notes · View notes

mrsfrecklesmarauders · 2 years ago

Text

Forbidden Love. Part 1: Bellatrix.

This is from my personal Muggle Modern AU about the Black Sisters. Hope you enjoy it. If you have a question or want to know more, let me know.

Trigger Warning: Mentions of violence and abuse.

**********************************

November, 2009.

Bellatrix was ignoring her calls. She couldn't have someone so dependent on her. Or the other way around. Bellatrix had been soft about someone. She had given everything for that person. And it wasn't worth it. He had hurt her. And Bellatrix couldn't let it happen again.

But Susan was very insisting. At the 5th call, she answered.

"Does your husband know you are calling me?"

Susan was crying.

"Please Bella..." she sobbed "I need you right now. You are the only one I have"

Bellatrix's heart ached. And she hated that. She hated caring about Susan this much.

"Did he hurt you again?" Bellatrix clenched her teeth.

Susan simply sobbed in response

"I love you, Bella"

Bellatrix's tummy twisted. But not in a good way.

"I can call the police" Bellatrix could only worry about her sisters, not Susan.

"Do you love me, Bella?" Susan asked now more calmed "Do you think we can be together? That we can run away together?"

Susan started as a stupid desire. Susan was a beautiful woman Bellatrix had found crying in the office bathroom. Bellatrix had found her so delicate, so easy to protect, so innocent and desirable. And the fact that she was married with a monster, kind of made things interesting. Forbidden love with the wife of one of her father's friends. Mr. Runcorn. Who also worked at the Company.

Susan was so young and she had fallen in the devil's trap. But Bellatrix was no different. She wasn't the saving angel Susan was looking for. Or she couldn't be.

Living the Romeo and Juliet romance with Susan would be totally impossible. Bellatrix, defying her parents, giving up to her inheritance and the chance of being the first female President of the Family's Company, for love? It sounded hilarious.

"I can help you get that bastard in jail" Bellatrix answered "But if you are planning on making me give a stupid declaration of love, then I cannot help you... Anything else?"

Susan was quiet for a second.

"I know have feelings for me"

"It's called lust" Bellatrix answered "I just wanted to fuck you, Susan. And now I am bored. Goodbye"

Bellatrix swallowed the knot on her throat. She had learned to be a cold bitch. Because if she was soft and delicate like Susan, she would've been eaten alive.

Bellatrix rolled her eyes as she pocketed her phone. That's when she saw them.

Bellatrix hadn't seen Andromeda as much since she started working in the Company months ago. Her father Cygnus gave Bellatrix the opportunity after she begged and begged.

"You're quite intelligent, darling. I'll have to test you out" he had said.

Perhaps Cygnus saw in Bella the potential of being more than a wife. So Bella had flexible hours at the office as well as classes at Uni. Bella had assumed that Andy had been busy with Uni as well. But Andromeda had been acting strange, hiding something. Bella thought she had been secretly seeing Rodolphus. Because he had been talking a lot about her. And Bellatrix was fine. She was over Rod. If he wanted to marry someone that should be her sister. But Bella was wrong. She was seeing him all these time.

Bellatrix was far away but she still saw clearly how Andromeda and that bastard were getting out of The Leaky Cauldron. Place she didn't step foot in anymore. All because that asshole worked there as a waiter. It had been fun going there with her friends and making his life miserable. But now it made sense why Andy defended him. She wasn't only a "noble soul". But she had been migling with him. Tonks.

In that moment, Bellatrix not only despised him for messing with her friends at school. Or being a starving piece of scum who believed he was better than everyone else. But Bella felt some sort of intense rage towards him for messing with her sister. Not with her sister. Bella felt like she could kill him. And when Andy smiled and kissed him, Bella felt nauseous. Andromeda had been lying to her. To everyone.

But even if Bellatrix wanted to go there and rip Tonks' face off, she had a better plan. Revenge, sweet revenge. That wanker was gonna pay and never come near her sister again.

*********************************************

Bellatrix concluded that Andromeda was innocent and easy to impress. Just like Susan. Susan had told Bella that Albert had been nice at the beginning, complementing her looks, offering her the stars. He had been her first love. Her first everything. And then once they married, he showed his true colors.

Andromeda was the same. She had never had a boyfriend before. She had never got drunk before. She was a virgin. And Tonks was taking advantage of that. So Bellatrix was not gonna allowed it anymore.

She went through Tonks' profile on Facebook. And after disgusting minutes of research, she saw a post. And invitation to a club. Where Tonks and his lame band would perform live. Bellatrix printed that and smiled. She knew exactly what to do.

*******************************

"Hey Rabastan!"

Rabastan Lestrange was painfully in love with Bellatrix. Or he just wanted to get into her panties. That was never gonna happen. Bellatrix would rather die. Rabastan was a wannabe that would never fill his brother's shoes. Rodolphus was the golden boy everyone loved.

But Bellatrix flirted with him to get things she needed from him. And it always worked. It was so bloody easy.

"Hey Bella" Rabastan's eyes went to her chest as always.

"I need a favor" Bella played with his shirt.

Rabastan was very excited about it.

"Tell me" he leaned closer.

"I..."

"Rab... leave Bella alone. She is not gonna give you money for drugs"

When Bella saw the man of the hour, she had a better idea.

"I can get my bloody money from somewhere else"

Rodolphus was Bellatrix's first love back when she was a stupid teenager. He was the popular handsome boy every girl dreamt about. Bellatrix created this fantasy of him that it was easy to admire, easy to talk about to her girlfriends and sisters. That stupid school crush that made Bella do stupid things like starve, look pretty and get drunk so he would just notice her. Rodolphus had always been into someone else.

"I actually need both of you" Bella made a worried face "It's about Andromeda"

"What happened to her? Is she okay?"

And now Rod was obsessed with Andromeda.

"She told me about it" Bella said "She had been going to the Leaky Cauldron without us. And Tonks..."

"Tonks?" Rab made a disgusting face.

"Tonks is molesting her" Bella said "Following her around, threatening her, wanting to kiss her and touch her. Of course my sister would never let that happen. But he won't stop. That wanker is insane.... Andy is scared"

Bellatrix was an incredible actress. She could fake tears and everything. She was so good that Rodolphus was furious. Rabastan was uninterested, still looking at Bella's breasts.

"We have to do something. I'll make that wanker stop. I'll kill him"

Bellatrix got what she wanted.

"Let's go, Rab. I'll gather the lads and we will go to the Leaky Cauldron right now! We'll beat the shit of that twat!"

"I actually have this" Bella said taking a piece of paper out of her pocket. She showed them the post about the gig. "His band is playing this Saturday...." she smirked "Why don't we go and ruin it for him?"

Rab smirked mischievously like her. Rod was still furious.

"I could go now..."

"What he loves the most is that little band of his. Go and beat him now and it won't be worth it. But ruin his dream... Destroy his friends...."

"Wow Bella that's evil" Rab let out a chuckle.

Bellatrix played innocent "He hurt my sister"

"Okay done! We will go on Saturday" Rod said convinced. He took the post from Bella's hand and walked away.

Bella turned to look at Rabastan.

"And I need you to do something special for me. But that would be our little secret"

Rabastan smiled.

"What would I get in exchange?"

"We will see"

Bellatrix grabbed Rabastan's shirt playfully. Rabastan's cheeks went a little red thinking she was gonna kiss him. But she just pulled him in to whisper in his ear. As Bella spoke, Rabastan's smirk grew wider.

#the black sisters #bellatrix black #andromeda black #andromeda tonks #ted tonks #tedromeda #rodolphus lestrange #rabastan lestrange #Muggle AU #Muggle Modern AU #Forbidden Love

1 note · View note

13uswntimagines · 4 years ago

Text

Fraternizing with the Enemy (Alpha Lindsey X Omega Emily x Alpha Reader)

Request 1: Soran and reader where Emily gets fouled a lot or something and the both of her girlfriends come to her aid but the reader is on Seattle’s team? I meant NWSL where Soran is still on the thorns

Request 2: soran x reader with Lindsey and the reader as alphas and sonnett as an omega

You had a reputation. Your temper on the pitch was known (and feared) around the world. You would argue part of that temper was due to your protective nature (particularly over your unmated mates at the time), and that the rest were some really bad overblown rumors (anyone who played on the field with you would venture to disagree).

Since mating your mates a year and a half ago, you had relaxed considerably, mellowing out and becoming much less quick to anger.

This whole chaos cup had put you on edge. You were on OL Reign, while your mates were Thorns and that meant that you were kept segregated from them. To make matters worse, Emily had experienced a heat during this shit show, and the NWSL wouldn’t bend the rules to allow you to experience it with her and Lindsey. Thank God your alpha mate had been there to protect your omega.

You hadn’t wanted Emily to play so soon after her heat, but here she was holding up the Thorns backline against your team.

“Better luck next time Daddy,” Emily laughed, helping you up from a well-placed slide tackle and pulling you into her. You hugged her close. You weren't a soft person, but you were soft for them. You allowed her soothing pheromones to calm the beast inside you for a moment before pulling away. You smiled crookedly, leaning down to kiss her lips, savoring her scent. It was always so sweet after her heats. Her hand trailed down your chest and landed very high in your thigh. You laughed, reaching around to lightly slap her but.

“Watch it hot stuff, wouldn’t wanna write a check you aren’t willing to cash,”

She giggled, slapping your chest, and you couldn’t help the corners of your lips tilting up. Lindsey shook her head at the two of you from across the pitch. She knew how painful it had been for you to be separated from them when they needed you, but she didn’t think you and Emily would actually start groping each other on the pitch. She thought Mark was crazy for having Emily be the one to mark you. Yes, she was a fantastic defender, but Becky would have been a safer option considering you and Sonny were doing everything in your power to touch each other. She guessed he thought it would force Sonnett to focus, but all it seemed to be doing was distracting you both.

“You two aren’t supposed to be touching,” Sofia Huerta called out, approaching you. You rolled your eyes at the woman, unsure why your fellow forward was interrupting your moment with one of your mates.

“She’s my mate, I think it’s safe,”

“Yeah, well when you risk the rest of the team’s safety, I think maybe you should give a fuck about something besides your penis,” She snorted. She didn’t like that you always thought you could break the rule with no consequences. You were constantly shirking the rules, with both the national team and your club, and she was fucking tired of it. This was their health you were messing with by fraternizing with the other team.

“Hmm, your cock does sound good though, missed it last week,” Emily mumbled, reaching down and trying to squeeze your member. You caught her wrist, bringing her hand to your lips instead.

“Behave hot stuff,” You mumbled, kissing Emily’s forehead, blatantly ignoring your annoyed teammate.

“Yeah, good luck with that Y/n,” Lindsey laughed as she approached, pulling Emily away for the hydration break, you smirked after them, sure you would get the opportunity to get close to them again during the game.

****

You were going to kill someone. Somewhere between the hydration break and the restart of play, your teammates had lost brain cells. They took absolutely every opportunity they could to sweep your omega off of her feet (which didn’t make sense cause she was a defender and not a forward).

“What the fuck are you doing?” You growl, passing Sofia who had just taken your mate down for the 5th time. She smirked in your direction.

“Shirking the safety regulations just like you are,” she shrugged, and you clenched your fist, watching as Lindsey pulled Emily to her feet, holding the omega close and sending you a short nod. You gulped, taking a deep breath.

“Knock it off before I decide to break the regulations a different way,” You said, far too calmly. Your famous temper was about to make an appearance (and though your mates found it hot when you went all alpha on people, they really didn’t want a brawl during this stupid game. That was all they needed, they wouldn’t be able to go to the hospital with you anyway).

“Whatever you say,” She rolled her eyes at you, sprinting off. The best thing she thought she could do for your team was get the distraction off of the field, and if that meant on a stretcher then so be it.

*****

The rumble left your lips before your brain even registered it. The dominant pheromones rolling off you in a wave determined to protect your mates at all costs. You rushed towards the forward who dare hurt your mate, too enraged to join Lindsey in comforting the omega layer out on her side.

Lindsey watched you with worried eyes, returning her attention to your hurt mate, and allowing you to go and play protector.

“I know that was a bad tackle, but I’m fine,” Emily rolled her eyes at the protective behaviors of her alphas.

“You’re bleeding,” Lindsey growled back, her attention returning to the leg that the medics were doing a patch job on. It was by for the lest serious injury she had ever suffered, but the fact that your team went after her at all was astonishing.

“You two are going to be miserable aren’t you?” Emily sighed, huffing slightly. She wasn’t an invalid, but with you unable to accompany her during heat and the insane amount of fouls she had taken today, she was sure that you two would be smothering her in love and protection. Probably throwing fits if she didn’t let you cater to her every need. It was going to suck.

“Y/n is still being forced to quarantine with Reign so it’ll probably just be me,” Lindsey mumbled back, puffing out her chest. She needed to do the job for both of you, and she would.

She watched as you rushed your teammate, hauling them up by their shirt and growing angrily in their face. You shook them a few times, ignoring the yell of the ref for you to let go and calm down. You were too far gone, and your inner wolf wouldn’t be happy until the girl was cowering in submission.

“I don’t think they’ll keep you separated after that,” Ali said softly, kneeling next to Lindsey to check on Emily. If anything, the only thing that would help the situation would be to let you room with your mates. It was Sophia’s only hope of living through the remainder of the tournament.

“Shit,” Lindsey winced as you tossed the young alpha to the ground, standing over her with your teeth bared.

“Fuck that’s hot,” Emily said breathlessly, her eyes zeroing in on how your clenched fists made your arms pop. It was rare they got to see you angry anymore, and when it wasn’t directed at them, it was a sight to behold. She was definitely adding that to the spank bank for the nights she was stuck in Georgia without the two of you.

“You better go stop her. I think you’re the only one not in danger of losing an arm if you try,” Ali mumbled, nudging Lindsey’s shoulder as you took another menacing step towards the other alpha. Lindsey bit her lip, glancing at her omega. She didn’t want to leave her, especially when she was in pain.

“Go, stop the knot head from killing her teammates,” Emily laughed, shoving her alpha. Lindsey looked unsure but jogged off anyway.

Emily shook her head as you melted into Lindsey’s strong embrace and allowed her to drag you off the field.

There was never a dull moment with her stupid, protective alphas. Sure you were technically fraternizing with the enemy, but that was safer than trying to keep you away from the women you loved.

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #emily sonnett x reader #lindsey horan x reader #lindsey horan imagine #emily sonnett imagine #soran x reader #soran imagine

317 notes · View notes

pet-genius · 4 years ago

Text

Excerpt from an old fic - "The Snapes' Last Christmas"

Hogwarts, December, before the Christmas break, before the Courtyard scene, Severus’s 5th year

“Why do I hear rumours that you’re going to stay here over Christmas?” Lily asked Severus in mock-outrage.

“That depends, Lil. Is Potter leaving for Christmas?” He answered her with an earnest question.

“’Course he is,” she told him.

“Then I am staying. I’ll finally get some actual studying done in this place.”

“Oh, don’t be like that, Sev!” Lily pleaded with him. “Who wants to be at school over Christmas break? It’s time to be with family!”

Good one, Severus thought to himself. “You haven’t been to Christmas at our house, though, have you?”

Lily looked down. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I meant… Come home for me!”

For a change, refusing her came easy. “Why don’t you stay here?” He asked his friend.

“No way. My parents will kill me. And I miss the little Muggle town! Come on!”

Lily might have had something to miss over there; Severus did not. The only place worse than school was home, and with Potter gone, school wouldn't be that bad.

“Drop it, Lily, I’m not spending another Christmas with Tobias asking why I didn’t bring him anything from that good-for-nothing wanker wizarding town when he doesn’t send me any money. You have fun though.”

She looked hurt. “So that’s it? You’re leaving me alone with Petunia?” It was not a welcoming prospect.

“What about all your Muggle friends?” He asked her, not without a note of bitterness. “Why don’t you spend your break with them?”

That’s great, Lily thought to herself. He was just trying to make her beg him to come, and she knew it.

“Well, I can’t tell them about magic, for one. Two, my parents told everyone I’m going to some posh private boarding school, and we don’t learn any Muggle subjects here and all my friends will expect me to be clever and I will feel like an idiot. Three, they’ll all want to talk about movies and records, and I haven’t seen a movie or heard a record in ages. Don’t you miss it at all? The movies?”

She doesn’t get it, does she? “Hey Tobias, can I get some money to go to the movies with my freak witch friend, please? How do you expect this to work out, Lil?” She forgot, sometimes, how awful he was. Good for her, Severus thought. Then she suggested he use magic, as if he was stupid to not have thought of it before.

“You can try Summoning his wallet, the last time I tried that I was limping for a week.”

Lily started to look exasperated, or maybe Severus imagined it. “Then I’ll get my mum to buy you tickets. Come on, is this what this is about? Money? Because we can study at my house, you know, mum and dad will be pleased.”

Severus did not need her charity. He wasn’t the one so desperate to go to the movies.

“Just ask Potter to spend Christmas with you. He’ll fly his stupid Nimbus 1000 across the entire United Kingdom for you twice, I reckon.”

Why does he have to tease me about James? It’s not my fault he fancies me. It’s not like I like his stupid stunts.

“Maybe Malfoy will give you a couple of Sickles, if you don’t tell him it’s so that you can go to the movies with a big Mudblood!”

Why are we fighting? She is the one who came to me!

“I don’t think you’re a mudblood, Lily, stop it,” he told her. Besides, Lucius had been busy. The last time Lucius had written him was weeks ago, and even that letter was really short. Lucius had been learning fascinating magic, though, so who could blame him? Much more useful than the rubbish they were teaching Severus at Hogwarts, he reckoned. There was magic out there he could really use, and he could not wait to use it all on Tobias… on the glorified trolls that made it their job to make his life as miserable as possible…

Lily noticed he was no longer in the same conversation as her. “A knut for your thoughts?”

“Nothing, honest.”

“So you’ll come?” She asked him. “Please? Pretty please? We don’t have to go to the movies. We don’t have to do anything. I just want you home with me.” She looked at him with a devilish spark in her eyes and almost sung: “and it will drive Petunia crazy.”

“I’ll think about it.”

“Yes!” Lily exclaimed, and kissed him on the cheek. “I knew I could count on you!”

She ran off to join a group of giggling girls. Shocked, Severus remained where he was and touched his hot cheek. Currents ran up and down his body. Now he had to go. You’re good, Evans, he thought.

Spinner’s End, Christmas Eve, Severus’s fifth year

Of course, Tobias did not let Severus go to the Evanses for Christmas dinner. It'd been like that every year - a Christmas dinner with no decorations, with no guests, with his mother looking especially miserable (of course, this year he knew why). Every year, it was only the three Snapes sitting there while Tobias angrily barked at them to look happy. Not that he ever looked happy - he looked drunk. And mean.

“My own son wants to spend Christmas Eve with the redhead freak uptown and my own wife can’t be cheerful on this holy day to save her life.” Great, Tobias has something to say. He never shuts up.

“You know, they invited us. All of us. Even you. It was very nice of them, and it was very rude of us not to come,” Severus said. He knew his cheek would cost him, but he didn’t care.

“Rude, am I? They only invited us to show off their posh house, again, you idiot.” Just because they are not dirt poor does not make them “posh”, Severus thought. His father did not even know what posh was. But Severus did - he’d been to the Malfoy Manor.

“They invited us because Lily is my friend, Tobias!” Severus shouted - better go down for the dragon than for the egg.

“I am your father, Severus, your only father, and I certainly don’t want to spend Christmas with yet another abomination!” He waved his knife and fork ominously. “You and your useless mother are bad enough without that little pest running around my house, eating my food, stealing my belt. Don’t think I didn’t know about that, you wanker.”

Now he made Severus angry - well, angrier. “You don’t know anything, Tobias, she is a witch, not a common Muggle thief, she Vanished it!”

Tobias saw weakness, and he pounced. Even when drunk, he was good. An understanding smile spread across his revolting face. He looked like he just got his Christmas present. “She is too pretty for you, you know. She will outgrow you. I’ll bet the house she won’t know who you are by this time next year. She’ll vanish your knob before she comes near it. Pretty girls like her don’t go for gormless, ugly gits like you.”

Right where it hurts. He was that transparent, was he? And who was Tobias to call anyone else ugly? I hate you so much, Tobias.

“Do you ever shut up, Tobias? Or will you actually drop dead if you don’t shout at us? Can you not be a perfect arsehole for once in your life?”

They were nearly hook nose to hook nose, and there was nothing in either of their pairs of black eyes but hatred.

Tobias started undoing his new belt.

“Dinner is over,” he said with one of his special heinous smiles he saved just for his family, and as far as Severus was concerned, dinner could not end soon enough. Eileen hid her face behind her hands. “Don’t, Toby, please, I beg you. Let’s just eat,” she said. But since when did asking nicely get you anywhere in this house?

Severus was getting too big to kick around, but Eileen was getting smaller every year, if anything. Severus managed to run away with minimal damage, but his mother did not. She never even tried.

Moments later, Severus was in his mildewy room, listening to a symphony of plates breaking, Tobias shouting profanities, and the belt cracking.

Not one of your best ideas, Lily, he thought miserably, wondering if she was thinking about him at all.

He stayed awake, because he knew what was about to happen. Tobias would fall asleep and then he and his mother would finally have a moment of peace together. Since he was home, he figured he might as well ask her a few questions.

Sure enough, she quietly made her way to her son’s room as soon as Tobias started to snore.

“He’s a right bastard, you know that, right?” He asked her, as soon as she came in.

“You shouldn’t provoke him, Severus.” She struggled to make her way to his bed and sat with a wince. “I can’t help it, Mum. How can you let him treat you like that?”

“Never mind that now, love. Help your mum. You remember the healing spells you used last year, don’t you?” Severus nodded. “My clever boy. You’re a natural, you know.”

“Hmmm,” Severus grunted as he focused on performing the healing spells on his mother. He watched the swelling go down and the bruises melt away. There was a limit to what he could do with charms alone. If only he had some dittany or murtlap on him… Then you should have thought of that before you let Lily drag you into this miserable holiday.

Then his mother said, “All better. I’m glad you came home, Severus.”

“I ought to have fought him off you.”

“Don’t. I’m glad you didn’t. I’m proud of you. It hurts me more when he does it to you, you know that.”

She got up with effort; the bastard must have got her in places she didn’t want to let her son see.

“Are you going to go to a Muggle hospital, at least?”

“I don’t think so, no. I don’t like hospitals. I’ll be fine.”

He knew, he just knew, she was hiding something from him, and he’s had it. “Mum, I know why you can’t do magic.”

If she had any colour left in her face, she would have lost it there and then. “How?” She asked him, mortified.

“They have old Prophets at Hogwarts, you know.” She gulped. She remembered how the Prophet had told the story, and it was not good - ‘St. Mungo’s experimentalist Eileen Prince kills entire family on Christmas’, she believed, was the exact subtle wording they'd used.

“I’m sorry.” She said, choked up. “I should have told you sooner, Sevy, I’m sorry.”

There was only one thing Severus wanted to know. Well, two.

“If you did this, they deserved it. It’s just… how much worse can they be than him.” His head jerked in the direction of the snoring. “And why won’t you kill him, mum, I mean it.”

Her eyes were wet. Severus hadn’t seen her cry in years.

“They did not deserve it. They were wonderful. It was all my fault, Severus. I didn’t mean it.” She drew a laboured breath and wiped her eyes dry.

“Have you learned about Felix Felicis yet?” She asked him. The official curriculum hadn’t covered the lucky potion yet, but Severus knew what it was.

When she was done with her tale, her son understood everything.

*****

Sitting in the Headmaster’s office, Professor Severus Snape figured since it was almost Christmas, after all, he might as well use a Christmas memory to produce his Patronus. In his mind, he carefully avoided stepping on the landmines of memory that could extinguish even the strongest Patronus, and focused on Lily’s singing voice telling him that “it will drive Petunia crazy” and how she had kissed him on the cheek, and he sent the Doe Patronus to lead her son to the Sword.

#snape fic #snape #snape content #snape fanfiction #severus snape #young snape #snape love #let me know what you think?#i keep saying i'll republish this fic when I've fixed some issues but I never do #since i realized i could write AUs where he lives or something instead #sigh #but it always comes out angsty in the end :(#why #but please tell me what you think?

26 notes · View notes

hellisoursalvation · 3 years ago

Text

LOST TO THE THUNDER:

— Hours have the habit of dragging into days, which drag into months. Dirt roads begin to look the same after a while, as does the motels. The caves to camp in become home away from home, but his true home is with her. Thunder cracked across the sky once more, shaking the ground beneath the man and his companion. It was their 5th month in their year long training journey. Lately, they didn’t know where they were going, only that they were still walking.

— “Natsu?” The Exceed spoke up, his voice soft from the sling his adoptive father had made out of his scarf. “I don’t see anywhere to camp out for the night, so where are we going?”

— The Dragon Slayer had been asking himself that question for a while now. He vaguely remembered how he ended up in the countryside, with a storm so chaotic it reminded him of the guild. Natsu clicked his tongue. He couldn’t worry Happy, not when he was cold and miserable. His eyes strained through the rain, pushing his hair back with his hand. They’d seen nothing for a while, only fields. All corn, from what Natsu could gather from the smells. As much as he hated to admit it, but he should’ve come up with a plan first.

— “Hey! Boy!”

— He spun on his heel, his arm holding Happy tighter to his chest as he did. His free arm sparked, readying itself, but it died as his sights were set on the keeper of the voice - an old woman. “Oh, hello ma’am,” Natsu greeted, scratching his neck. “I thought you were an enemy, sorry.”

— The woman hummed, nodding. Her gray hairs shook at her action. “My husband was the same way, though he was not a wizard.” She stepped forward and stuck her umbrella out so they both stood under, “I am Marcella, pleasure to meet you.” Marcella bumped his shoulder with a wrinkly smile.

— “I’m Natsu and this-“ he motioned to the sneezing cat. “Is Happy.”

— Marcella frowned as Happy sneezed once more, “You boys need a good meal, come along.” She linked her arm around his free one and began her walk home, never easing up her pace for him.

— He wondered if this was how Lucy felt when he did such things.

— Marcella’s home was nothing of what you expected of someone her age. The walls were painted painted bright, lime green with pictures and paintings hanging down them. Her kitchen cabinets was painted pink and she dished out soup in bowls that were shaped like animal faces. Utensils were rainbow colored, with stars on the darkest part. It was odd, but it seemed right.

— “Thank you, Marcella!” Happy crowed as he sat in a high chair, a bowl of hot soup in front of him. She pulled it out before either of the boys could protest, saying that such a little thing deserved a nice seat. So Marcella fluffed a daisy shaped pillow and set in in the seat, than Happy, than a cow patterned blanket. He was quite a sight to see.

— Lucy’s laughter filled his mind as he poked around at his soup, picking up some before letting it spill back into the bowl. He should’ve brought her with, but she has the guild, she’d be okay. Natsu would come home soon, and she’d tell him all about her adventures with the others. He just had to remember why he was doing this - to protect the ones he loved, and that included her. “Something wrong with my soup, son?” Marcella’s voice cut through, sitting beside him. Her hair was wrapped into curlers and she wore teddy bear patterned PJs.

— “No, nothing is the matter with it, I’m just lost in thought. Sorry.” Natsu shrugged, running his tongue over his teeth.

— Marcella hummed, “No, you miss somebody.” His eyebrows furrowed as he glanced at her. How did she know that? She leaned on her palm as she continued, “I had that same look after my husband died, never could wipe it off my face. So who is it that you miss?”

— He glanced towards Happy - who paid no mind. The Exceed was flying over to the pot, spooning himself more food. Natsu sighed, turning back, “It’s my dad. I found him after all these years when he just, dies. I had so many questions, but I can’t ask them now.” He sniffed, water filling his eyes. “Jeez, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this.”

— “You’re probably just tired, sugar,” her thumb wiped at his tears. “How about you boys get some sleep?” Marcella asked, looking between Happy and him. Happy slurped his last noodle up before flying off into the living room. Natsu stood, but Marcella caught his wrist, “who’s the girl?”

— Natsu scoffed, “What?” Was she a mind reader? Did he need a tin hat? Is he safe here? Is she reading his mind right now? Oh lord, what if she was-

— “I know what it looks like when men think about their girls,” she exclaimed, dropping his hand and collecting the bowls. “I grew up with three sons, each of them held the same expression as their friends when they missed their girls.” clink. The bowls sat in the sink as she spun back around, leaning against the island. “So, who is she?”

— “She’s not mine. She’s my friend, not an object.”

— A belly laugh fell from her lips as she smiled. “My husband used to tell his friends the same thing before he asked me out. God rest his soul,” she made a cross. “She have a name?”

— “Lucy, Lucy Heartfilia.” He began, the corner of his lips tugging up as he said her name. The only time it fell from his lips was in the name as he called out to her after a nightmare, but now, her name sat in sugar on his lips. “We met in Hargeon and she told me how she always wanted to go to Fairy Tail,” he shrugged his jacket down to show his mark. “It’s my guild, my home. So, after I helped her save these girls, I took her home with me.” Marcella’s eyes never trained off his eyes as he spoke. The irises dilated as soon as he said her name, and she had her answer.

— “Where is she?”

— “At home,” he sighed. “I left to get stronger, to protect the ones I love.”

— She spoke with a laugh, “To protect her?”

— He just nodded. “I haven’t seen her in 5 months and all I want to do is talk to her. I want to tell her about my days, my training, the things I have seen, everything - but I can’t.” He dropped back down in the chair. Why is he telling her all of this? Natsu rubbed at his tired eyes. “I can’t go home yet.”

— A drawer opened and closed quickly before Marcella made her way to the table. A notebook landed in front of him. “Write to her,” he just stared at she spoke. “I do it for my husband. I go to his grave sometimes and read it to him. Maybe it will bring you some peace.”

— He reached for it with his signature grin, “Thank you, Marcella.”

AHHH. FIRST THING I WROTE POSTED ON TUMBLR. I wrote this in like, 20 minutes so bare with me here guys. Hope you like it though! 💜

#fairy tail #lucy heartfilia #natsu dragneel #ft natsu #ft fanfic

13 notes · View notes

rowanwhitethornisbae · 4 years ago

Text

Faking It Ch 5

Faking It Masterlist

Aelin groaned upon realizing that the last chocolate chip cookie was gone. She glanced towards the stovetop where another empty tray sat.

"Lys," she yelled, "what happened to all the cookies?"

Her best friend emerged from the bathroom with a wide grin on her face. "I think you ate them all."

Aelin laughed and slumped into the chair nearest from her, suddenly feeling the tightness in her chest back in full force. "I guess so."

Lysandra's smile faded slightly as she took in Aelin's tone. "What's on your mind?" She asked softly, pulling up a chair.

Aelin took a moment to think back on all that had happened. In all honesty, things had not been good. Rowan had pointedly ignored her after their hallway confrontation, to the point where Aelin hadn't even bothered merging their friend groups for lunch like planned. Instead, both of them just chose to pretend the other didn't exist. She texted Rowan last night to confirm that he was still picking her up for Dorian’s party tonight. All she’d gotten in response was that dumb thumbs up emoji he always used. The only other person she knew who used that emoji was Aedion’s literal fucking grandfather.

Aelin swallowed slowly and loosed a breath of air. "He still thinks I cheated on him."

Lysandra bit out a harsh and humorous laugh. “Of course he does. You told him that.”

Aelin flinched, surprised by her friend’s harsh tone. “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Lysandra sighed. “I am,” she paused to think about her next words. “I am Aelin. But you told Rowan you cheated on him and then never bothered to tell him the real truth. If you want him to forgive you, than just tell him what really happened.”

Aelin willed herself not to cry. She’d done enough crying over Rowan Whitethorn to last her a lifetime. “I can’t tell him.”

Lys just shook her head in exasperation. “You can Aelin. You’re just too scared of what might happen.”

Lysandra was absolutely right, but Aelin would never admit it. Ever since her parent’s death, she’d spent the following years in a constant state of fear. Over time, she had just gotten better at hiding it.

“Come on,” Lys said, sensing the shift in Aelin’s body-language. “Let’s go get ready for the party.”

They got dressed quickly, Aelin doing Lysandra’s makeup and vice versa. She took a moment to examine herself in the mirror. She looked hot, even if she didn't really feel it. Her black mini skirt was unnecessarily short, to the point where one wrong move would have her ass falling out, and the red tank she’d pared it with left little to the imagination. Her lips were painted light red and silver eyeshadow had been brushed across her eyelids.

She fiddled with her hair before finally settling on just leaving it down. She couldn't find a hair elastic anyways. Aelin plopped down on her bed to watch Lysandra pick a pair of shoes. Aelin was wearing doc Martens - but when wasn't she - and couldn't really care less about Lysandra’s shoe choice.

“How about these?” Her friend asked, showing Aelin a pair that looked identical to the previous four.

“Sure.” Aelin nodded, and picked up her phone to scroll mindlessly through instagram. There was nothing of interest, so Aelin searched up Rowan’s name for the first time since their breakup.

Her phone slipped through her fingers at the same second Aelin took in his most recently post. She scrambled for the phone, picking it back up to stare at the post.

It was her.

She was in sweats and his hoodie, her hair up in a messy bun. She was rolling out the dough to make sugar cookies, using all different shaped cutters. Rowan must have taken the photo without her noticing, which is why she wasn't smiling at him. There was no caption, and the comments were off.

May 5th, 2019.

The date was the only thing under the picture, but it was enough that Aelin had to crane her neck to check in the mirror that the tears in her eyes hadn't smeared her makeup.

Two days after that photo was taken, on May 7th, Rowan had fucked everything up. At least, she liked to pretend that he was the one who screwed up. It made not hating herself a little bit easier.

Her phone buzzed and she looked back down at it. Aelin read the words and sighed, preparing herself for this dreadful evening.

“He’s here.” Aelin said, climbing off the bed.

“Fuck I don't have any shoes yet.” Lys squealed.

Aelin laughed and gestured at the piles of heels and platforms of every colour. Sighing, Lysandra grabbed the one closest to her and threw it on. They walked down the stairs, Lys nearly tripping, and opened the door.

Rowan’s black car was pulled up in front of her house. He was sitting in the passenger seat, glaring at the front lawn like he could still see their breakup taking place. Aelin walked down the porch steps and cleared her throat as she neared the car.

Rowan tore his eyes from the grass lawn to look at her. He didn't show any reaction to her appearance, merely nodded. Lysandra snorted softly behind her, and Aelin elbowed her friend subtly.

Rowan was in the passenger seat, which meant that considering Fenrys didn't have his licence, Lorcan must be driving. Aelin internally groaned at the thought of being in a confined space with the always brooding teenager.

Unable to avoid it, she backed away slightly so that Lysandra could climb in first to put separation between Aelin and Fenrys.

Fen, unfortunately, noticed and offered Aelin a pitiful smile across the seats. It was at that moment, that Aelin realized for the first time, that she missed Fenrys Moonbeam. When she’d been with Rowan, her and Fen had been nearly inseparable. He constantly made her laugh, engaging in whatever trouble making scheme she asked of him.

She’d gone to see him actually. Right after Rowan and her had fought on the lawn, she’d gotten in Aedion’s car. Her body was shaking with the weight of her sobs, to the point where she was barely able to see. For a reason she couldn't even figure out now, she’d driven to Fenrys’ house.

Aelin had gotten out of her cousin’s truck and made it all of three steps before she’d vomited all over Fenrys’ porch. He’d come out of the house then, but the normal playful look on his face was wiped clean. In it’s place, was nothing but hatred and disdain.

He’d picked her up and driven her home. When he thought she was passed out, he’d kissed her on the forehead and mumbled he was sorry.

As Aelin noted the slight tic in Fenrys’ jaw, she finally understood what he'd meant by those two words.

Fenrys’ wasn't sorry about something that he’d done. He was sorry because he knew what she’d done. And why.

Aelin supposed she should've known that Fenrys would've figured it out first. He wasn't clouded by blind love or hatred like Lorcan and Rowan. His view of her allowed him to think clearly. Work through the logic of it.

She’d pull him aside later at the party. For now though, she just smiled back and slammed her head against the back of the seat. Fenrys turned away from her to stare out the window, and Aelin felt like she could finally breathe again.

“So,” Lysandra began hesitantly, “Are we going to talk about this?”

Aelin’s head whirled in Lysandra’s direction, her eyebrows shooting halfway up her forehead.

“No.” Rowan answered bluntly, saving Aelin from speaking.

“Why not?” Fenrys whined before Lorcan turned his head to shoot him a glare.

Aelin watched Rowan’s knuckles go white from his grip on the door handle “There’s nothing to talk about.”

Lorcan made a sound that was some sort of cross between a laugh and a grunt. “Sure there is. You two,” he waved his finger between Aelin and Rowan, “are back together.”

“We’re - “ Rowan began, but Aelin cut him off.

“We’re not actually together. It's just an agreement that works for both of us.”

Fenrys let out a long suffering sigh. “Yes Galathynius, we are all aware.”

Aelin flinched at the venom in his tone when he used her last name. She adjusted herself in the seat and cracked the joints in her fingers. Tonight was not a good night for her anxiety.

“How do you plan on getting Rowan on the football team?” Lorcan asked, always the skeptic.

“Cairn.” Aelin told him, her toes curling and uncurling inside her shoes. Moving parts of her body helped to relieve the pent up tension swirling in her gut.

“Cairn doesn't do favours for anyone.” Fenrys replied, sounding slightly dejected. “If that's your plan, it won't work.”

“I’m not just going to ask him for a favour.” Aelin snapped back, upset at their lack of faith in her. “I’m going to offer him a deal.”

“You and your deals Galathynius.” Lorcan mused under his breath.

Aelin made the smart decision not to reply, and the rest of the drive was completed in silence.

------------------------

She looked good tonight. Rowan wasn't stupid enough to deny that glaringly obvious fact. They’d walked into the party side by side, earning a few shocked glances from fellow classmates. Aelin had offered him a smile, one which he didn't return, and went off to get them both drinks.

She’d been gone for all of three minutes, and Rowan was already incredibly uncomfortable. This was Dorian Havillard’s party after all. Rowan and Chaol were high-school’s definition of mortal enemies. So, by association, he and Dorian were enemies as well.

The dark haired and blue eyed heartthrob hadn't ever been explicitly rude to Rowan, but he still got the feeling he wasn't totally welcome. Fenrys had gone after Aelin, mumbling some lie about not trusting her with his drink order. On another day, Rowan might've gone after them to eavesdrop. But not tonight.

Instead, he just slumped against a wall and glared at every human in the room. Music was blaring across the speakers, so loudly that he could feel the vibrations in his lower stomach. People all around were swaying awkwardly or chatting against the wall with plastic red cups in hand.

Rowan looked around for familiar faces, more specifically Vaughn or Gavriel, but found neither. For a brief second, he wished he was better at making friends.

“You look miserable.”

Rowan almost sighed in relief at the sound of Lorcan’s low and rough voice. His friend held out a cup of some sort of alcohol, but Rowan shook his head.

“Aelin’s bringing me a drink.”

Lorcan let out a breath through his nose. “I wouldn't count on it. I saw her and Fenrys heading up to the bedrooms.”

Rowan’s heart stopped dead in his chest for a moment as he processed Lorcan’s words. The loud music became nothing more than a subtle roar in his head.

“Fenrys and Aelin?” He managed to stammer.

Lorcan, realizing his mistake, swore under his breath. “Not like that, holy shit. Just to talk.” Lorcan paused. “Fenrys would never do that.”

Slowly, Rowan’s body began to function normally again and he managed to take a deep breath. His hands were shaking, so he took the solo cup from Lorcan in an attempt to calm them.

“Talk about what?” Rowan finally asked.

Lorcan shrugged. “I don't fucking know.”

“Whatever man. This party is shit.” Rowan took a long sip of the liquid in his cup and nearly spit it out immediately. It was some mixture of coke and beer that tasted like pure vomit.

Lorcan laughed at the expression of disgust on Rowan’s face. “Yeah it’s pretty bad. The brunette making it was hot so I couldn't really say much.”

Rowan involuntarily laughed at his friend’s antics. “You always were a sucker for brunettes.”

Lorcan’s jaw fell open in shock. “I don't have a preference.”

“Sure man. Whatever you want to tell people.” Rowan finally spotted Dorian across the room and his heart rate began to accelerate once again. “Kaltain, Nesryn, Maeve, Nehemia, Sar -”

“Okay okay,” Lorcan conceded, cutting Rowan off. “Don't pretend you don't prefer blondes.”

“I do prefer blondes.” Rowan’s eyes trailed from Dorian to the figure beside him. Chaol. “I would never hide that fact.”

Lorcan held up his cup in a mock cheers. “At least we’ll never fight over women.”

Rowan clinked their plastic cups together, happy for any excuse to celebrate something. Even if that something was that Lorcan Salvaterre had a thing for brown hair.

At long last, Chaol spotted him from across the room. His brows furrowed and he whispered something in Dorian’s ear, who then turned to look at Rowan. As the two friends continued to discuss Rowan right in front of him, Aelin Galathynius chose that moment to reappear.

---------

They were in Dorian Havillard’s bedroom. A place that Aelin was uncomfortably familiar with. She’d lost count of the hours she’d spent on Dorian’s bed, on the phone with Lysandra, as Chaol and Dorian played video games.

Now, her legs were cross as she sat against his headboard, Fenrys Moonbeam on her left.

“What do you want to talk about Aelin?” Fenrys asked, clearly anxious to return to his party.

Aelin figured there was no point to dancing around the truth. “You know.”

He stiffened, but let out a relaxed sigh all the same. “What do I know.”

“You know the real reason behind what happened last year. I never told you, but you somehow know.”

Fenrys, it appeared, also didn't see the purpose in faking dumb. “It wasn't that difficult to figure it out Ace.”

Her heart squeezed at the casual use of the nickname he’d given her. “Rowan and Lorcan couldn't do it.”

“Lorcan hates you and Rowan’s heart was shattered. Emotions can hold you back if you’re not careful.”

She elbowed him playful, and internally rejoiced when he smiled. “When’d you become so all knowing?”

“Probably around the same time you had a huge growth spurt. You’re a fucking giraffe now Aelin.” Fenrys’ tone was light and joking and a familiar hint of laughter was present.

“Five Seven,” she announced proudly, “and still growing.”

“Maybe Rowan was slipping some anti-growth potion in your drinks.” Fenrys joked.

Aelin chose to laugh, rather than dwell too much on Rowan. “That’s why water at his house always tasted off.”

Fenrys eyes widened and he turned to look at her. “It does doesn't it.” He exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air.

Aelin laughed, a real laugh, and smiled broadly at Fenrys. For a moment, there was a tension filled pause, and then Fenrys spoke again.

“I get why you did it Aelin, truly I do. But don't you think he deserves to know the truth.” Fenrys’ eyes were full of pity, and Aelin had to turn away.

“It won't make a difference?” Aelin shot back.

Fenrys gave her an incredulous look. “Aelin you were scared. Your parents died and it fucked with your head. Rowan told you that he loved you, and you got scared.”

Aelin’s heart was racing, but she finished the story anyway. “I panicked. Thought that if I let myself love him, he’d hurt me just like my parents did. So instead, I hurt him first.”

Fenrys picks it back up again. “You told him you cheated on him, because you knew that was the only way he’d stay away.”

“Then I went back to Chaol because it was safe. Because I didn't love him enough for him to hurt me.”

Aelin felt like she was floating above her own body. She could do nothing but watch as the biggest secret in her life was exposed to Rowan’s best friend.

“Why didn't you tell him?” She managed to say through her own terror.

Her lips felt raw, and she realized with a start that she had been chewing on them with reckless abandon. A shiver ran down her spine and grit her teeth in an attempt to hide her discomfort.

“It wasn't my secret to tell.” A lock of Fenrys’ golden hair had come undone from his ponytail, and Aelin had to fight the urge to tuck it back. Aelin sometimes found herself jealous of just how pretty Fen was, if that made any sense.

Rowan and Lorcan were the type of heavily built males with hardened features and miles of muscles. Fenrys was prettier, with attributes so perfect that it hurt to look at him. Now though, it hurt to look at him for an entirely different reason. She felt exposed, like the barrier she’d crafted for herself was crumbling down. All her insecurities were on display for Fenrys to see, and Aelin fought the urge to flee the room.

Luckily, Fenrys made the decision for her. “Ill give you a moment. Meet me downstairs?”

The last part was a question, but Aelin couldn't bring herself to show any response besides a subtle nod.

He seemed to deem that answer enough, and left the room to rejoin the party. Aelin suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion take over her body. She lay back on the pillows, not bothering to climb under the duvet. With her baggage weighing her down, Aelin fell promptly asleep.

-----

TOG Tag List

@queen-of-glass

@courtofjurdan

@fictional-horan

@bamchickawowow

@julemmaes

@in-love-with-caramel-macchiato

@cheiflemming

@morganofthewildfire

@http-itsrebecca

@captainswanandclintasha

@booknerdproblems

@sassys-world

@thegoddessofyou

@cityofchelsea16

@loudphantomdragon

@poisonous00

@becarefuloflove

@more-espresso-less-depresso-xx

@rowanwhitethorn600

@heirofthrnightcourt004

@sportfire1089

@inthecityair

@aflickeringsoul

@sjmships

@superspiritfestival

@perseusannabeth

#rowan whitethorn #rowaelin

58 notes · View notes