#why do you hurt me my child

[mudpuddless]

AU where Obi-wan is Can Drallig's illegitimate son except of course everyone knows and no one cares except for qui-gon of course.

based on this post by @twinterrors29

[lulu2992]

Hey dear Lulu! Hope you have a good day and congratulations on 100K❤️

I have reached a point in my fanfic where my OC is pregnant with John ( and yes, everything is in terms with Eden's Gate rules ) but I have no Idea how John would react/feel about OC begin pregnant- and how would he even be as a dad?

I am trying to stay true to his character as much as possible but it's hard when he hasn't interacted with other children in the game😭 I to think he will be a devoted, loving and protective over his child...but that's all I have...

How would you imagen he would be as a dad and how would he react to OC pregnancy?

Hey! Thank you, and I hope you had a good day as well!

I think it would first depend on whether the pregnancy is rule-breaking and accidental or if they are an official couple expecting it to happen at some point. In your story, I understand everything happened in accordance with Eden’s Gate’s moral principles, so that avoids a lot of angst and emotional turmoil… Unless John and your OC were trying not to make a baby, I suppose he wouldn’t react negatively.

His behavior would also be influenced by how emotionally mature and stable (as far as possible for him) he became in your story. In the game, John isn’t ready to have a child, I think, but that can change thanks to character growth and the magic of fanfiction! He does have the potential of being kind and loving because, as a young boy, according to Joseph, he was. A lot has happened since then, but these qualities must still be there, somewhere, under the pain and anger.

I agree that he would most likely be very devoted and protective because… well, he already is. The Seed family, despite being dysfunctional, is also tight-knit, and they would literally die for each other. John wouldn’t let anyone hurt his child, and neither would his siblings.

Now, of course, we must also consider the brothers had an awful dad and that none of them grew up in a stable and loving environment. Because of this, I can see them being scared of having children, partly in fear of becoming like their father or, in John’s case, like his adoptive parents. That said, he didn’t spend as much time with “Old Man Seed” as Jacob (who I imagine would be the most reticent to become a father for this reason, but that’s just a feeling I have) and I highly doubt he would raise his child the way the Duncans raised him. John undeniably has problems, but in my opinion, he would never want to put his child(ren) through the horrors he experienced.

We haven’t seen him interact with children in the game but I don’t know if that really matters since this baby would be his child, not just a random kid. A lot of real-life parents don’t particularly enjoy the company of other people’s children but want to spend as much time as they can with theirs. Even if John had canonically said kids were a nuisance, I think he could still love his to death.

So if the pregnancy were planned, I don’t think he’d be upset at all; on the contrary. If it were not but they were not trying to avoid it either, I imagine he’d be surprised and anxious at first, but would welcome the news eventually. And as a dad, since John apparently gives himself fully to everything he does, he could be very, very invested, and maybe overprotective. His enthusiasm would likely have to be curbed, as always, but I’d say how and if that happens would depend on your OC’s personality and relationship with him.

This is my opinion and interpretation, which may be incorrect, but I don’t think you can go wrong in fanfiction anyway because it’s inherently transformative and personal. If your idea feels right to you, then it is!

In any case, if you’re stuck or don’t know how to justify something in a Far Cry 5 fanfic, you can always do what they did in the game and either say “it’s the Bliss” or “it was God’s will” :’) For John to go from an emotionally unstable and violent Herald to a great and loving dad, the second explanation can help! Joseph did say he could free himself from his past and that love would be the key to his salvation, after all.

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[pwurrz]

being obsessed with yakumo is a job and baby i’ve never called in a sick day!!!!!

[axolotlclown]

Well, I was hoping enough time had passed, but I guess Dream is still having his episode. There doesn't really seem to be a good time. I have something to say, though.

EDIT: I did not clarify something in this post that needs to be clarified. Dream is being irresponsible by not seeking help. However, anyone would be resistant to seek help for this because of social stigma. The notes on this post are proving my point. Every behavior has a cause. Abuse is a circle that takes effort to break. That is the point of this post. No one is "just a bad person." That mentality literally kills people.

I maintain the belief that Dream has Narcissist Personality Disorder. Beneath the cut is the diagnostic outline from the DSM-5 so that you can draw your own conclusions. To be clear, I am not yet a licensed psychologist, so this is just my opinion.

Dream seems to be declining help, or he is under the belief that he does not need help. Personality disorders can be debilitating; they affect your relationships, work ethic, and ability to cope with basic life stressors. He needs to see a cognitive-behavioral therapist so that he can begin to learn coping strategies.

Moreso, however, I wanted to talk about self-diagnosis. I do not believe that Dream has autism. I can make a separate post with the Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis if people are interested. (I do have a physical copy of the DSM-5 because I need it for school, but the full PDF is also available online if you're interested in looking through it.) I do not believe that Dream was professionally diagnosed. This is because psychologists no longer diagnose autism based on how much your symptoms align with the definition, but rather how much support you need in your everyday life. For example, I would never personally diagnose somebody with ASD unless they were seeking work or school accommodations.

Diagnosing yourself can be challenging if you do not have a broad understanding of other disorders. Just because you struggle to socialize with others does not mean you have autism. There are a myriad of other disorders it could be, and the correct diagnosis is crucial. This also goes for diagnoses such as depression or anxiety, as they could be symptoms of something else.

Another thing I want to point out is that Dream last saw a psychiatrist to be diagnosed with ADHD when he was about 12—if I remember correctly. However, our brains are constantly developing throughout life. Narcissistic Personality Disorder cannot be accurately diagnosed in teenagers. (Is this teenager a narcissist or are they just experiencing personal fable, something completely normal and expected at this age?) I point this out because it's important for everyone with a brain to understand that you can progressively develop a mental illness without even realizing it. You don't particularly notice that you have a personality disorder—or most disorders that aren't depression or anxiety. Bipolar Disorder on average develops around the age of 16. Schizophrenia develops on average around the ages of 18-25. (Childhood Schizophrenia does exist, however it is so rare that it has really only been observed in case studies.)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is not a diagnosis you can medicate—or any personality disorder, at that. One would need to take several years to learn coping strategies that may involve things as simple as app timers to as complex as perspective-taking strategies. However, this is one of the more difficult personality disorders to cope with, and certainly not one you would want to manage alone. Dream sincerely needs help.

Even if Dream does get help, it is important to know that the people he has hurt have no obligation to come back into his life, nor do they have an obligation to help him when they do not have any education or training in the field. I need those you have someone in their lives who may be struggling with this diagnosis to understand that. You do not owe anyone anything. You are not responsible for anyone, because you lack the training and education to do it. I am spending 10 years of my life in college right now trying to learn how to help these people. Please understand that it is okay to step away without guilt.

Anyway, I said my piece. Please stop calling people narcissists like it's a slur. There are real people that have this disorder that are trying to cope and maintain healthy relationships. It is possible. These people are not doomed. However, it is heartbreaking to watch someone who clearly needs help and guidance but refuses to seek it.

As promised, here is the diagnostic outline for Narcissistic Personality Disorder:

[bacchuschucklefuck]

the boy-but-not-that-way-ism of riz gukgak send tweet

[cheriekos]

these are super, super informal and unorganized thoughts but god these panels are haunting me so:

it’s interesting to finally be reading some of the issues that i assume influence general fanon perception of damian because there’s so much emphasis on the actions against tim (and like yeah fair, fucked up let’s not move past that) but also there’s little moments sprinkled throughout that made me go “…this is a child. This is a whole child.”

like idk man! These two pieces of dialogue are very striking to me! “See? I can be useful!” And “Look at me, Mother!”. Maybe it’s just because I work with kids but i read this and very clearly hear a child’s voice! And sometimes i think because a lot of people get caught up in the “formal” way that damian speaks that people forget he’s a kid. A very competent, highly trained kid. But he’s a kid.

Again, i don’t think Damian’s actions can be brushed off just because he’s a kid, and (within the content of the Morrison run), has had some fucked up shit going on. But like - for fanon, I’m just begging folks to strike the balance between talking about Damian being held accountable for his actions and also understanding that in this point in time he’s like maybe nine or ten-years-old. Idk! I’m tired of reading analysis and fan fiction that absolutely crucifies Damian and doesn’t try to find the nuance at all.

[mitsuki91]

Listen... Listen to me... I can take all the bad takes you want, I can see Snowbaird as a toxic mess, BUT you can not say Coryo would beat Lucy Gray or poison her.

Do you know how a mental breakdown work, right? The fact that the things you do are not who you are in that particular moment?

And I mean. Okay. Maybe he could lose it again and Lucy Gray ends up dead. I can see this.

But poison need premeditation, and beating someone more then once (or, as op said, when he discovered she was pregnant WTF) need something else, and Coryo WOULD NEVER.

HE WOULD NEVER, NOT WITH LUCY GRAY.

... Okay thanks, I needed to scream it out.

[mulhollanddrive2001]

i can’t stop thinking about my boss telling me that i need to “gentle parent” one of the teachers in my classroom who i am having issues with (issues being that she criticizes my every move i make in MY classroom and is operating at a level of incompetency that in any other workplace would get her written up—incompetency that includes inaction when witnessing a child in a medical emergency) because she’s allegedly behaving out of line due to “having a hard time in her personal life.” i am supposed to. gentle parent. my coworker. twice my age. that daily. tells me. how much i suck. and how horrible i am. gentle parent her. in the face of her treating me and my teachers aide like. like garbage. gentle. parent. her.

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

[todayisafridaynight]

i cant capture it in a single picture but the pain and agony i felt watching this shit in front of my very eyes. this was evil <- needs every frame of it in a museum

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

[irritablepoe]

You know what's fucking stupid? The little mean voice inside my head that tells me being in a fandom is childish and "aren't you too old for that" and "aren't you feeling ridiculous caring (and projecting) so much for/onto fictional characters" bc literally no MUM, I'm in fact just doing what I love and it's cruel that I feel ridiculous to this day that I'm building up my personality through fictional characters bc I never knew who I really was and fandoms are giving me the opportunity to explore that. Yes ofc that's not "normal" or whatever but is it really that bad? Like I'm feeling better through that, it's giving me motivation to do things. So yeah... Thanks.. another reason I have to unlearn shame I suppose.

[leatherbookmark]

anyone else's got a family who treats them both like a tiny little child who needs everything done for them AND a big scary abusive monster adult you leave alone and tiptoe around lest they Are Mean to you? anyone else's going fucking insaaaaane

[thewardenisonthecase]

ay i think i might write some more lucanis character study that is truly just me projecting to cope with things

[fearandhatred]

i always have to have something wrong with me at all times and there are always about fifteen different factors that could have caused that Something Wrong With Me so i can never fix it