#why do people in the church always touch you without consent

[benny-the-killer-kangaroo]

Dear old people (specifically old ladies) at church.

STOP. FUCKING. TOUCHING. ME.

Do NOT touch my shoulders

Do NOT touch my back

Do NOT touch my arms

Absolutely NOTHING about my physicality gives you consent to touch me. I secluded myself on PURPOSE. That does not give you an excuse. Yes I have my earbuds in. It’s super fucking loud and I have misophonia so leave me the FUCK alone.

If you want my attention, gently wave in my line of vision. Do not grab me or tap my shoulders.

The other day I was at a cousins bridal shower. I also have really bad claustrophobia in crowds, so I was backing up into a corner. And this BITCH blocked off my only exit and kept trying to touch my arms.

GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME AND ASK BEFORE YOU TOUCH PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY.

Rant over back to memes now :)

[r0-boat]

If honkai star rail man had audio accounts, pt.2

Read part 1 here

Gn! reader x Gepard, Welt, Luocha, Dan heng

Nsfw mdi

Cw: dubcon, consent noncon,yandere, creampie

( sorry that part two took so long ahhh, this is the final part for now since there is not enough sexy hsr men besides Luka and I guess Svarog for funsies. If you want me to do Genshin Impact men or make an audio headcanon list for women, let me know.)

Gepard

Man, he took pride in being a wholesome internet boyfriend who would only do sweet little audios of himself role playing as your boyfriend or love interest in different scenarios. And then the Reckoning... he posted an audio where him playing as your knight in shining armor takes a hit for you. And oh boy those gasp and growls and whimpers of pain he did while the reader was patching him up- the people wanted more.

He tried to do NSFW audios before but he couldn't do it his face would turn red and it's hard would be so hard he would clutch his chest. Here he was, a grown man practically on the verge of tears out of embarrassment. What would his coworkers think if they found out what he had done? What would Serval think? Nope, Nope, Nope! He couldn't do it!

But then the Stars aligned and he made a separate account when Gepard posted his first audio. A ramble fap, and oh boy his breath shuttering in the mic has he moans and wimpers, you could even hear him begging. Till now he never really noticed how talkative and, loudish He could be Gepard even try stifling his whines when he got gotten close.

Even though it took everything out of him to finally post it, he had to say it felt nice being praised. He only posted initially because he wanted to make his fans happy. He is a people pleaser, after all. And it did kind of feel nice... he doesn't usually get to let go like that, being his job as a Silvermain Guard and all... there's a lot of stuff he didn't realize about himself.

Pet names

Miss/sir/ma'am/mommy

Sweet heart

Dear

Angel

Welt

It is the skeleton in his closet. His ultimate secret that he moans in a microphone for strangers that like his voice a little too much. His listener is absolutely adore him. His sultry voice and his personality drag people to him like a moth to a flame. He doesn't post very often but when he does everyone is crying and sobbing for more. And he doesn't write his own stuff either it's mostly just Scripts he tries to go along with the script says, but he can't help but sprinkle a little bit of his own kinks in there—praise, worship, oral fixation.

Even when he's stroking himself, he even catches himself murmuring about how much he wants to taste you and how good you are for him, how good you make him feel, and how sexy you are. His audios are always gentler, with lots of kisses and touching in that softer tone that makes you melt. From giving you some much-needed stress relief from a hard day at work to a hot heavy make out session after a dinner.

Sometimes he would make his own Scripts and even have some artwork he Illustrated to go with them. His own scripts and audios are very rare but are very well done, dripping with sexual tension and a good plot. He's pretty much allergic to porn without plot.

Call him crazy but he likes that his audio is put a smile on people's faces he wants to think that his posts brighten people's days he likes being relied on as much as he himself likes someone who he trusts with his life.

Pet names

Sweet heart

Honey

Darling

Luocha

Help, because why can I see his audio is being mostly corruption kink? Even his audios tend to lean more on the darker side. Though not by much, the most you can expect is a pastor who can't help but want someone he had been eyeing that comes to his church or a doctor who, while their patient was unconscious, laid his lips upon them and whispered how much they wanted them.

Mostly does dubcon or cnc; they almost did yandere content but decided not to post it. Even in his darker videos, he still keeps that gentlemanly gentle, sweet attitude with an odd obsessive undertone, perhaps even possessive., which many of his listeners fall for.

When close, his listeners can hear him mutter broken sentences about how good he feels and how wrong this is or how much he needs you before begging to fill you up.

He wants it to feel as real as possible so he gets the good mics the ones where you can feel his breath against your ear, and he always loads his audios with sound effects. He has good quality work, and he enjoys doing it too.

Pet names

Dear

Mine

Beloved

Dan Heng

Dan Heng rarely does scripts almost exclusively makes very short audio where you can hear his hand around his wet cock and his moans; he'll go on and on about whatever lewd thought was on his mind. About how much he needs a tight hole around his cock or something inside of him.

Dan Heng has absolute pan panic. One could only dream about having both at the pussy and cock at the same time, and that is a dream he thinks about constantly when recording new audio for his rabid fans to listen to.

He finally got himself a toy discreetly since his hand wasn't enough, and those grunts and frustrated growls eventually turned into shaky breaths and whimpering, the tight silicone walls proving too much as he tried to keep quiet himself. His hips buck up into the toy itself as he continues edging himself. Dan Heng, almost losing control, rolls his head back, whimpering about how much he wants them. His listeners ate that shit up.

Dan Heng makes very standard vanilla content and hardly ever gets too kinky, where he plays the role of a boyfriend. Sadly Dan Heng isn't too good at acting so the boyfriends he normally plays are people with authority or professionalism since his voice naturally sounds like that.

Pet names

Babe

[theonlinemuse]

Welcome to our first bonus blog, the new post segment where we’ll be covering all the miscellaneous things about insert-media-here that didn’t make it into the episode! This week we’re sharing observations and fun facts about the 2021 release of The Green Knight starring Dev Patel as told by IER’s very own Shamila Karunakaran, who unfortunately had to bow out of recording due to losing her voice. 

This post touches on themes of racism and sexual harassment. And as always, beware of spoilers:

People in this movie really love to cradle Gawain’s face (it's understandable though, Dev Patel and his magnificent beard are extremely pretty here) and the lord and the lady are clearly trying to recruit him as their third.

Bi!Gawain is hardly a concept exclusive to the movie either. In the original story, he kisses both the lady and the lord eagerly without being prompted. He even kisses the lord three times! It’s not like in the film where Gawain is being harassed by the lady and the lord on separate occasions and is clearly frightened by their intimidation. It’s hardly necessary when there’s so much enthusiastic consent in the source material itself. 

Dev Patel continues to be adorable with animals as seen with Armani the horse. He’d never ridden a horse before so not only did Dev feed his animal co-star dandelions in between takes, he also tried to gain Armani’s favour by sneaking him apples he had pilfered from the hotel lobby. Petition for Dev to play a Disney prince in 2024! 

Gawain’s encounter with Erin Kellyman’s character is itself a retelling within a retelling! It’s only mentioned briefly in one line of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, but St. Winifred was an seventh-century Welsh martyr who had wanted to become a nun. According to legend, a travelling prince became enamoured with her beauty and tried to force himself on her after she rejected him and when she fled to her uncle’s church, the prince decapitated her after the ensuing chase. A healing spring appeared where her head fell and she was brought back to life when her uncle returned her head to her body, but she would have a red mark around her neck where it had been sliced through for the rest of her life. 

Some of the details have been changed in the film with the suitor now being a lord who returned to kill her after she rejected his advances, but unsurprisingly, Winifred herself is the patron saint against unwanted advances. When you take into consideration that Winifred is played by a white and Jamaican actress and how her bodily autonomy has been violated by a white man for rejecting what he wanted from her, it’s understandable that Winifred gets upset and outright questions why Gawain would ever ask what she would give him in return for her head. 

She likely thought that she found an ally in a non-white Gawain, but even if he was going through the chivalry script, there’s still an expectation and entitlement to get something in return. Gawain still has a certain privilege over Winifred simply through being non-Black. 

I do love that they took this not even a footnote of a character from the original story and fleshed out a scene for her and I do love that Erin Kellyman got to play a traditionally white character. That being said, she shouldn’t have been the only Black character in the film and don’t try to argue for historical accuracy, more Black British actresses in period pieces, period! 

Fun fact: the places in Wales where St. Winifred was decapitated is traditionally considered to be a place Gawain passed through on his way to the Green Chapel. The original story references Gawain traveling past a place called "Holy Hede", which modern scholars generally agree is the Welsh town of Holywell, the site of St. Winifred’s Well. 

Very irrelevant detail, but the way that Sarita Choudhury is dressed in The Green Knight reminds me of Sophie Okonedo's wardrobe as Margaret of Anjou in The Hollow Crown. It’s an interesting throughline considering Sarita and Sophie both play complicated older female characters who were originally white in their respective old British source materials and have lost their sons by the end of their respective stories, depending on the interpretation you go with for the former. 

If I had a nickel... well, I’d have three since Gawain goes on to lose his own son in the vision of the bad future he has.

But let’s get further into Sarita’s casting or more specifically, who she plays in the movie. And to the trolls in the comments, Sarita is half white and her character is canonically Arthur's half-sister, both in the film and the source material, it's perfectly plausible for Sarita and Sean Harris to play siblings. 

While Sarita’s character is simply called Mother in the credits, she’s a composite of both Morgause and Morgan le Fay, both half-sisters of Arthur in legend. Morgause is mother to Gawain and his more infamous half-brother Mordred (Sacha Dhawan for the role anyone?) while Morgan le Fay is the sorceress orchestrating the events of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight.

And Gawain himself is also a composite with Mordred, especially the part where he is Arthur’s delfacto heir and is despised by his subjects. 

As David Lowery states, the relationship between Morgan le Fay and Gawain written for the film evokes Lowery's own experiences with his mother and needing to be pushed to stand on his own as an adult. Having mother and son both be brown in the film adds another layer to an already complicated relationship and reminds me WAY too much of what it was like growing up with a brown mother myself. 

When you think more on it, Gawain and Morgan being brown gives further insight into their motivations. It’s telling that even with all his flaws, Gawain as a brown man would still see himself as unfit to be heir to his legendary white uncle. He himself even says that “I have [no tales of myself] to tell”, which works on a metatextual level since there are very few popular portrayals of Arthurian Knights who look anything like Dev Patel.

With Morgan’s case, you could argue that her being brown would be another sign of her being “othered” in Camelot. Even though her half-brother is king, it’s already canon that he hasn’t been very involved in Morgan and Gawain’s lives and if he didn’t give them support, who else would? Especially since it’s already established that even the tavern patrons have no respect for Morgan, freely insulting her to Gawain’s face.

With that context in mind, it makes sense that Morgan would be more proactive in being a shaper of destiny for both herself and her son, even if that means bringing down the fall of a society she had no place in. 

And consider this: given who his mother is, the vision that Gawain has about the bad future near the end of the film: was it really the product of his imagination or did he inherit some form of magic from Morgan le Fay after all? You could argue that the Green Knight is responsible for causing the vision, but when you realize the extent of Morgan’s role in summoning him in the source material...

Finally, what sort of story would you come up with for the little girl playing with Arthur’s crown in the stinger? What would be her role in a potential sequel? Is she Gawain’s foil or would she be more like him than she’d like to admit? What sort of relationship does she have with Morgan le Fay? Is she the future heir of Camelot or does she spell trouble by inheriting her grandmother's magic? Or porque no los dos? If this is something you’d be interested in exploring, dear listeners, we bequeath this prompt to you.

[postguiltypleasures]

My Peak TV Journey *Sex Education*

With both Sex Education and Never Have I Ever ending this year, the days of me watching television show that are about (and more-or-less for) teenagers. Even though I really liked these shows, part of me is just like, “finally!” Another part of me feels like on some level, my watching shows in this sub-genre really ended when MTV cancelled Faking It way back 2016. Which feels appropriate as what Sex Education does with the new college (Cavendish) in the final season reminded me of what Faking It was doing with the high school it focused on. It makes me feel weirdly nostalgic. Faking It deserves to be better remembered/known.

I have to say as an aside that this season coinciding with the end of You Must Remember This: Erotic 1990s made a kind weird experience from me. Especially when I took a break from the final season and watched David Croenberg’s Crash. How does one reconcile Sex Education’s promotion of body positivity and and enthusiastic consent with that? The podcast did bring home how notably free of “Lolita” types Sex Education has been in a way that might have been unimaginable 1990s media. So bravos all around. Though this may get at why the final season felt off for so many people (besides changing a huge amount of the cast between seasons).  People wanted it to educate about under represented identities, and correct stereo types that have been with us for too long. And it did its best, but it’s only a television series.

I feel like I have to preface any discussion of the season by pointing out that it covers such a short time frame. The first four episodes cover a little over a week, and there had only been about eight weeks since the end of the third season, two years ago. Characters would say things like “it’s like this now” and I would be like “it’s been days, nothing is settled.” It did make it harder for me to invest in some of the plot. For example, Eric’s complaints about the ways in which Otis failed him as a friend felt more like they were residual feelings from previous seasons than responding to incidents worthy of new complaints. And I get that as a teenager, not too distant feelings can easily resurface, but in my middle age, it just didn’t draw me in.

I have to say, I feel like I wanted to like Eric’s plot more than I actually did. I love Eric’s exuberance and love of life. But it felt like it came with some kind of false promise and that made me sad.  As I look back, his story seems tied to the pressure put on the show to be the good example countering all the bad depictions of teen sexuality out there. Eric sees God, gets called to be a prophet, though when he talks with Otis about it he says he wants to be a pastor. (The fact that this would probably involve starting his own church as the congregation in which he was raised has too many homophobes, though not from the pastor himself, goes unsaid.) Otis celebrates this. Their friendship is healed. As a teen, I thought the mutability of Christianity was a beautiful thing, reflecting the importance of an eternal truth while constantly ridding itself of the various out dated baggages. As I age, I see the baggage still there and it feels less likely that it will be dropped. Then I think the truth might better off without this tradition of faith. So ultimately, this plot touched on too heavy things to work, despite always liking the character and his actor’s on screen presence.

Eric was great as tool for getting the new characters acclimated to the audience. It mostly worked! While I will wonder if having less turnover in the cast would make some if the plot less didactic, the new cast was generally likable. I never thought “this plot would be better with a character who is no longer on the show.” 

Ruby, Aimee, Jackson and Vivienne were the only characters who accompanied Otis and Eric to Cavendish. Ruby turned out to be a great character. A complicated self-creation who insists everyone see her as fabulous as she wants to be. She has her hidden (or semi hidden) insecurities, and is a little unclear on what she wants, besides proving her power. In the first season, when she existed  mainly to make Aimee need to keep her friendship with Maeve secret, you would have never guessed this. I just wish she had better makeup, it was sometimes distracting from what is she trying to do.  Her plot in the final season involved confronting a former friend who had once betrayed an embarrassing secret. This friend now calls herself O and had made herself the sex counselor of Cavendish. This also makes O Otis’s rival for that specific niche. Otis calls her a “rip off”, though that was mostly a defense mechanism. Ruby and Otis use this rivalry to briefly work together, but more importantly come to peace with their surprising and tumultuous relationship. Ruby’s plot with O worked better than Otis’s plot with O. The latter mostly made me think how insane it would be to have a school sanctioned sex therapist who was also a student.

Aimee’s plot involved becoming an artist partially to make some personal response to her sexual assault back in season 2, and develop a romantic bond with Isaac, Maeve’s ex. The taking a sudden interest in art art plot rubbed me wrong. Most character-becomes-an-artist plots rub me wrong. Part of it is that their art needs to mean something in a super literal way, which as an artist myself, I have to say it doesn’t always.  I think it was also that this plot happened in the same season many characters go to a screening of Brief Encounter and none of them watch it. That felt like a rejection of the old, and as an old movie fan I can’t abide. Brief Encounter is a movie about a man and a woman who are married to other people. They meet and start a non-sexual but romantic affair, only to mutually end it before it can go too far. While the couple on screen is straight, people have read this as having a gay subtext largely because the screenplay was by Noel Coward, who would be further out of the closet later in life. As Sex Education can be very explicit, crude, and features many openly queer characters, the general rejection of Brief Encounter by the characters felt like a rejection of all the oppression it was about both textually and sub-textually. And I’m not sure that they should. If only because that worked better as drama. 

Jackson’s plot where a cancer scare led him to find out about his biological father was good. Vivienne’s where she gets involved with a boy who quickly escalates into emotional abuse was decent, if rushed. 

Cavendish is mostly portrayed as something near utopia. The clique that is most popular in school is deserving of it in away that no other popular clique in no other fictional high school ever has. But that all also made them feel kind of cult like, and Eric’s religious calling only underlined it. I can understand why some people would say that it felt more like a transphobe’s nightmare than a transperson’s dream. There was a prayer circle when the couple within the popular crowd had tension. That’s not how you treat your peers. And it didn’t feel like a school, despite a few references to preparing for A levels. It wanted to be a fantasy and it wanted to have something to say about the real world, but it didn’t stick the landing of balancing both. This probably became most clear in Cal’s story of gender dysmorphia bringing suicidal ideation. Whatever rejection that they experienced from their parents, was off screen. (And it wasn’t so much rejection as confusion and lack of enthusiasm.) So Cal’s emotional journey is more told than shown. Pinning the season’s emotional climax on them makes them feel like a plot point.

A couple of more thoughts that don’t fit with what I wrote above.

I was genuinely shocked that Maeve’s mother died without one last onscreen appearance. I know Anne-Marie Duff is on Bad Sisters now, but I thought she’d be able to do both. Also I forgot about Maeve’s brother Sean between his appearance in the first season and now. The episode with the funeral was the best of the season, but getting so many characters together for the first time in a long time, mostly reminded me who hasn’t spoken since season one.

I’m glad they found a way for Gillian Anderson’s Jean to play against a character played by Hannah Gadsby. And I like getting to meet Jean’s never before seen sister and find out a little about their childhood. Her having a history of depression made sense with what as happened before. I do wish the end of her relationship with Jakob could have been on screen. 

I did like the resolution of Otis and Maeve’s relationship.

Adam, isolated from most of the cast as he was, had a decent end.

I did like that most of the characters were not paired up at the end. They're still figuring out how they are in relationships, and on their own, which is appropriate for them.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Sugar, Sugar 15

[FIFTEEN/END]

MASTERLIST

Warnings: non-consent sex and rape, violence, mean sugary Steve

This is a dark! sugar daddy! Steve fic. Obvious AU so please keep that in mind. :) That being said, it will be an explicit fic (18+) with noncon. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

(This chapter: violence, threats, fear  :O)

Series Summary: The reader is struggling in the big city but find opportunity before her. Will she take it?

This Chapter: The wedding day approaches but not everything goes to plan.

Author Notes: So this is another series wrapped up after a grueling two years, haha. Sorry y’all.

Please let me know what you think, like and reblog <3 love ya

🍭 🍭 🍭

The floor length mirror was trimmed with twisted gold. You stared at your reflection as your shaky hands pressed against the front of the ivory dress. The cut hid the small bump but you could not forget it. Ever since you confessed, it all happened so fast; the wedding was pushed up, the dress tailored and expedited, and invitations sent out in a rush.

It all felt surreal. The day had come but you just couldn’t accept it. How could you go through those doors and smile through it all?

You closed your eyes and let your breath out. They would knock when it was your time. Your father would be waiting to walk you down the aisle. The guests waited eagerly for the most talked about ceremony in the city. And you still felt like just a footnote in your own wedding.

You moved away from the mirror and sat unsteadily, gripping the arms of the cushioned chair, careful not to catch your veil under you. That night you told him, that was the final straw. But you didn’t forget what Sasha said. You took a picture of the broken door and wrote down the entire scene. You sent it to yourself in an email as proof.

That wasn’t the last time. You recorded Steve one day when he came in as you were texting your sister about the new date. You hadn’t answered his last message about your first appointment with the doctor. He was livid and you sat and listened to him rant as the red dots pulsed. You wrote down every instance, every time he made you appease him, every terrifying word.

Then there were the police reports. Nothing more than words in a filing cabinet but the night he choked you was just the beginning. He threatened to break your finger when you took your ring off because your hands were swelling. Then he broke your laptop when you didn’t pay him enough attention. 

As the wedding loomed closer, he only seemed to get worse. He was clingy, always touching you, marveling over your stomach. He checked in almost every hour on the hour when he was working, and you weren’t stupid enough not to notice that the building was being watched.

It was like you were living two lives and yet you were entirely trapped with him. What good could the emails do? Or the reports when the police wouldn’t act on them? You were going to marry this man and that would be the end of it; of you, of your life.

Knuckles tapped on the door and you stood. You crossed the room and inched it open the door. You flinched as you were met by an unexpected and uninvited guest.

“Sasha?” you gasped.

“You’re marrying him then?” he held the handle but you didn’t try to close the door, “the account gone, I heard nothing from you.”

“I… I’m scared,” you admitted, “when he found out, I thought he was going to--” you shook your head. He wouldn’t actually kill you.

“You know it’s not too late,” Sasha urged.

“You can’t be here, it he finds out, he’ll--”

“I’ll defend myself,” Sasha snarled uncharacteristically, “I’ll give him what he deserves.’

“No, I don’t want you to get hurt. You need to go,” you begged as you glanced past him furtively.

“I will. Come with me,” he said, “just go. Everyone’s distracted, they won’t know--”

“I can’t just leave. You don’t understand--”

“No, you don’t understand,” he argued, “if you marry him, it all gets so much more complicated. I told you that day at the café. It will be harder to fight after the vows, but right now, you can still get out.”

“And go where?”

He swallowed and looked down the hall. You could hear the distant murmur of the crowd.

“Did you do any of it? Keep a journal? Something?” he asked.

“I tried. I went to the police but nothing,” you sniffed and gripped the door tight.

“Nothing yet but that’s a start,” he chewed the inside of his lip.

“Why are you here? Why is this so important to you?”

“Because I can do something,” he hissed, “because I can’t live with it if I don’t. So come on. Come with me, I got a bigger place. It’ll have to do for now and then we’ll work on getting you standing, getting the baby somewhere to grow--”

“Am I trading him for you?”

“I’m your friend,” he said evenly, “that will never change. All I want is you safe. If it makes you feel better, I’ll sleep in the hall. You can lock me out and I’ll sleep against the door. But I came down here knowing I wouldn’t leave without you.”

“It’s a sweet fantasy but--”

“Come on,” he grabbed your hand and pushed the door open, “please, don’t go with him. It doesn’t end well. You don’t get out. It doesn’t get better.”

“I have nothing,” you quavered.

“You have me,” he said, “please don’t make me walk out of here alone.”

“I….” you uttered as your heart squeezed. “He’ll come after you.”

“Good, I want him to,” he clung to you, “please?”

You inhaled and heard the voices. Your father and your sister. You had no time to think but you knew it was your only chance.

“Let’s go,” you lifted your skirt and pulled the door shut behind you as you stepped out, “now.”

He held onto your hand as you rushed away from the voices and skirted around the corner. Sasha urged you on down the back stairs and through the maze like halls of the extravagant church. You nearly tumbled down the stairs and he caught you as you came along the narrow passage beside the main room, the guests and groom just on the other side of the wall.

You came out into the sunlight and Sasha lifted the train of your skirts as he directed you over the grass. our heels sank into the dirt as you rushed over and the organ began to play Here Comes the Bride. As he helped stuff the swathes of fabric in behind you in his modest car, the music stopped suddenly.

He closed the door as you were squished in the back seat amid your layered skirts and he got in the front. The engine turned and he nearly side swept another car as he pulled out without looking. You peeked back behind you but saw no one coming down the large steps of the church.

He turned the corner and sidled in behind a yellow cab. He looked at you in the mirror and nodded. You bit your lips nervously as reality sank in. Your chest hammered and your entire body buzzed with adrenaline. You knew it was only the beginning.

🍭

The day passed in a daze. You sat in your wedding dress waiting for all hell to break loose. Sasha sat with a beer, silently, and tapped his foot endlessly. When the silence was too much, he turned on the television but neither of you paid any attention to the old sitcom.

When the trance of disbelief dissipated, he showed you around his spacious loft. He was being paid well by Stark but you worried how long he would stay on the payroll after what he’d done. Steve wasn’t stupid and there were more photographers at the church then you’d seen collectively over the last year and a half.

“This is the second bedroom,” he showed you into a room with gleaming windows. There was a bed, a dresser, curtains, a cozy rug, all carefully selected, “I thought you’d be here sooner.”

Your eyes lingered on the box leaned against the far wall. A crib.

“Didn’t know how long…” his voice trailed off as he followed your eye line, “I’m not trying to be him. You can go anytime but I… you have a place here.”

Your eyes welled and you blotted them with your knuckles, the rough lace of your gloves scratching your cheeks, “you did all this for me?”

“I told you, I’d do anything,” he said.

“But… Sasha, I don’t--”

“I don’t expect anything from you. High school was a long time ago but you made it bearable for the biggest dweeb in the class.” He sighed and paced a circle around the room, “you know, I had the biggest crush on you. That doesn’t mean anything now, it doesn’t mean I want you to fall into my arms, but it means I want to help you. It’s the right thing to do, somehow I made a career of doing the right thing so what’s one more?”

You felt your chest sink and you covered your cheeks with your hands, “Sasha?”

“Please,” he cringed, “I was a teen boy, I think I had a thing for Oprah once. Really, it’s just… we’re friends. We’ll always be friends.”

“I can’t…” you sniffled and dropped your hands, “I don’t deserve any of this.”

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Sasha intoned, “and you don’t deserve to live like that. I know this isn’t much but I know you. You’ll find your way, you just got a little lost.”

“I…” you shook your head speechless.

“We’ll figure everything else out tomorrow. You can borrow some of my clothes for tonight and then we can see about retrieving your things from Steve,” he neared the door and stopped beside you, “or we can say fuck it and you can start all over.”

You turned and slung your arms around him. You buried your face against his shoulder as tears spilled out onto his jacket.

“How did you know?” you sobbed.

“That day at the shower,” he rubbed your back gently, “you know, lawyers learn how to read people and you never were very good at subtlety.”

“No,” you chuckled through your tears, “No, it’s why I was great as a bard.”

“Mmm,” he grumbled, “if that’s how you remember it.”

🍭

It felt like Sasha was gone forever but when you checked the clock, it had only been twenty minutes. 

You sat on the couch with your feet under you as you watched the news and rocked nervously. All anyone was talking about was Steve Rogers’ runaway bride. Your face was everywhere and the statement issued by Steve made it all the worse.

He painted you as a gold-digger, as an adulterer, as a swindler. He was the heartbroken fiancé and you were the wrongdoer. You knew it would go this way but expectation never softened reality.

You flinched as the lock turned and Sasha entered with a bag in hand. He came to the couch and set it down beside you.

“I don’t know about my taste in women's clothes but those should do,” he said as he checked his watch, “we should go soon.”

“Yeah,” you stood and opened the bag to reveal the lavender blouse and dark jeans, “you really didn’t have to--”

“You kidding, he’s gonna be surrounded by cameras. You can’t win his game if you don’t play it. I’ve dealt with his type before, they’re the ones who need lawyers on standby,” he sneered, “did you eat?”

“Yeah, thanks,” you swiped up the bag and headed for the hallway, “it was good.”

“No problem,” he shrugged as he grabbed the remote and shut off the tv, “and ignore all that nonsense.”

You got dressed and emerged as your anxiety grew to impatience. You left the apartment in brittle silence and the car ride fed the uneasy bubbling of your stomach. .

As you came up to Steve’s building, you sat for a moment before you got out. Sasha followed and shoulder away the cameras as you neared the front door

The elevator moved slowly and fidgeted uncontrollably as it dinged on Steve’s floor. You swallowed and braced yourself to face Steve. Sasha kept a few feet back as you walked down the hall and stopped at the door. You knocked as you found it locked.

It was a while before it opened but when it did, you were startled as Steve grabbed the front of your blouse and wrenched you inside. He spun you but quickly released you as he was knocked off balance and sent sprawling over the floor. Sasha stood above him with his hands in fists.

“Hey,” he pointed at Steve then looked at you, “you okay?”

You nodded as Steve glared between the two of you and cautiously got to his feet, “so you brought your little boyfriend?”

“She’s here to get her stuff. We thought we’d avoid a police escort, as her lawyer I thought it prudent, but we can always make that phone call,” Sasha said sternly, “she is entitled to her possessions.”

“Her stuff? I paid for every single thing she has to her name. Hers? Mine.” Steve spat and reared on you again, only to be caught by Sasha as he inserted himself between you.

“You will not touch her again. Those things you bought for her were gifts. You have no legal rights to them once they are given. She will take her clothes, her phone, and any other necessities.”

“Pfft, she’s not taking anything. She’s not going anywhere,” Steve growled, “she not yours--”

“I am certain the photogs would appreciate a show,” Sasha pulled out his phone, “police? That can only be a domestic dispute.”

Steve squinted and his nose flared as he looked at you over Sasha’s shoulder, “fucking slut.” He crossed his arms and stepped aside, “get your shit, get out…” he hissed, “but I have my rights too. You will not keep me from my baby.”

“That will be settled in court,” Sasha replied coolly, “go on, get your things.”

He waved you past him as he kept you shield from Steve. He was of a height with Steve but not as broad. Even so, you felt safe behind him. You rushed down to the bedroom and quickly gathered up your toiletries and those clothes you didn’t absolutely hate. Your phone screen was shattered but you took it anyway.

As you emerged again, a bag slung on your shoulder, you slid the ring from your finger. 

“You can keep the rest,” you said as you placed the band on the small round table just inside the front room, “goodbye Steve.”

“Goodbye? Goodbye?” he spat, “this isn’t the end and you fucking know it.”

“Calm down,” Sasha warned.

“You don’t tell me what to do,” Steve shoved him, “I should fucking smash your head in--”

“I’d like you to try,” Sasha stood his ground, “really. You think the court would let a violent man be around an infant?”

Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes. He backed down and shouldered by Sasha. “Get the fuck out.”

You left quickly. You had no desire to hang around. As you stepped onto the elevator, Sasha softly touched your elbow and you winced. The bag fell to your elbow and he quickly scooped it up and heaved it over his own shoulder.

“You okay?” he asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” you said, “he was so angry. I--”

“I was stupid, we should’ve brought the police. Fuck the cameras,” he said, “from this point on, no contact with him whatsoever. Only through me and the court. No talking to reporters, no nothing.”

“Yeah, that won’t be hard,” you uttered as he led you out of the elevator. 

As you came outside, cameras flashed and voices called out. You collided with Sasha as he was blocked by a photographer shouting questions, “is it true you’re pregnant? Is it Steve’s?”

“My client will not be answering questions,” Sasha kept on and made a path for you, “go, she’s not answering any of your questions.”

He elbowed past more cameras and opened the car door for you. You fell inside and quickly huddled down in your seat. As he sat behind the wheel, he mumbled and pulled out into traffic. He gripped the wheel tightly and pushed himself back into the vinyl.

“That asshole,” he said, “he’s gonna want the paternity test. This isn’t gonna be pretty.”

“I can’t… he fucking told them. I mean, I’m not surprised but… god,” you grimaced.

“We’ll get the test done before he makes a formal request,” Sasha said, “it shows transparency and when we hand over those results, we’ll include those police reports too.”

“Police reports?” you blinked.

“Sorry, I… It’s a suggestion,” he said tersely, “but he’s going to make this a trial by media.”

“No, no, I want to,” you said firmly, “I want everyone to know the real Steve Rogers.”

🍭

‘I was just like many struggling in the city. I worked a low-paying job in data entry and lived in an apartment which was little more than a box. The dreams of the big city were passing me by as there was little opportunity to be found.

Then I met Steve Rogers. Like a dream or a Lifetime movie. I was in debt, I was desperate, and he offered me a safety net. I can own my part in the relationship; I was interested and I accepted his generosity. I was all too happy with the arrangement.

That was until I found out that it was all based on a lie. I didn’t know that he had access to my accounts even before I knew him, that he had used his connections to force me into that dire situation. And I could not know the real man behind the billionaire façade.

It was little things at first. Any woman loves to feel wanted but his possessiveness soon turned to control. He kept me isolated from my own family and did not permit me to do anything without his permission. His affection turned to obsession and when it was not reciprocated he forced it from me.

He took me on vacation and did not allow me to wear clothes. He chose what I wore, how I looked, and what I did. He coerced me into acts I was reluctant about, and when he was too rough, he did not listen to my pleas for him to stop.

When I tried to leave him, he followed me and dragged me back. He had me watched by PIs and surveilled all my communications. He used his financial power to control me and when that did not work, he used his physical power.

Steve Rogers abused me. He yelled in my face, he threatened my family, and he choked me.

Steve Rogers raped me. He expected me to bend to his will whenever he desired and when I refused, he held me down and did what he wanted.

Steve Rogers took my whole life and when I chose to leave, he set his eyes on the life inside of me. 

The only thing I want from him is freedom. I want to live safely with my child and I want that child to never experience the abuse of their father. I never want anyone to know that horror again which is why I have written this and released the police records. I am not asking for anything but peace for me and my unborn child.’

The statement was carefully edited by Sasha. You reread the font across the glossy pages of Vanity Fair, the article spliced with excerpts not only from the police reports, but your own emailed accounts of your relationship, and the whole thing began with an image of that broken bathroom door.

It was two months since you ran away from the altar but life was not a romcom. It was a disaster. Even with the article, you knew not all would believe you. You knew it would open you to doubt and vitriol. And you knew Steve would have a response.

You closed the magazine and groaned as you rubbed your hips. Freedom didn’t feel so… freeing. There was a long way to go; court dates, doctor’s appointment, and depositions. But it was a start.

You rested your hand on your stomach and pushed on the arm of the couch as you stood stiffly. When you were halfway up, you felt a hand on your elbow and Sasha helped you stand straight. You smiled guiltily. You’d grown a lot in the last few weeks and still had nearly four months to go.

“The reviews are good,” he said, “I know that is kinda grim but… people seem to believe you.”

“Seem to?” you echoed as you went to the kitchen and pulled out the container of sliced strawberries, “or they don’t?”

“Well,” he leaned on the counter as he watched you add too much cream to the berries and smiled, “Stark Industries has cut ties with Shield, Inc. and Tony has made a sizeable donation to several shelters across the city,” he cupped his chin coyly as he leaned on his elbow, “and will be covering legal costs for the support hearings seeing as I can’t legally represent you anymore.”

“Oh,” your mouth fell open before you could spray some cream onto your tongue, “when were you going to tell me this?”

“I’m telling you now,” he crossed his arms as he shifted them further over the island, “I thought I’d give the good news first.”

“And the bad?” you put down the can of cream as you neared the marble across from him.

“I have several requests for interviews and I think you should do at least one,” he said, “I know you hate reporters and all that but… with a little Rogers baby on board, it’s just another part of the process.”

“Oh, and what should I tell them,” you edged around the counter towards him, “that I moved? That I found someone better?” He turned to you, his lips curved as he leaned in and you turned your face up to peck his lips, “or maybe I should tell them I’m single? Keep the intrigue?”

“As long as you tell them I’m handsome, I don’t mind,” he purred as he placed his hand on your side.

“Oh, how could I leave that out?” you cooed and kissed him again, “patient, loving, kind… but what a geek?”

“A geek?” he smirked and framed your chin with his hands, “says the dungeon master.”

You giggled and ran your hands up his chest, “someone’s gotta raise this little bard well.”

“Oh, no, no, she’s not gonna be a bard. Maybe a cleric?”

“No way! That’s lame,” you chirped, “how about… a sorcerer? Ours is a bit lacking.”

“Excuse you,” he quipped, “what was your AC again? Maybe next session I’ll run out of healing spells.”

“See?” you taunted, “geek.”

You drew him to you until he was pressed to your belly and he swept you up in a kiss. You rocked with him as he turned you against the counter and slowly parted.

You squeezed his wrist as you went back around to your strawberries and cream. You took a spoon and scooped up a mouthful as you slid your phone towards you. Sasha stayed as he was, watching you scroll through the emails and piled up texts.

You stopped as one blared in all caps. There was no name, only ‘Private’. You opened the conversation and found a dozen bubbles; ‘THIS ISN’T OVER’, ‘HE CAN’T KEEP YOUR FROM ME’, ‘CUTE, YOU THINK PEOPLE BELIEVE YOUR SHIT.’ Another message blipped up, an image and you dropped your spoon as it opened.

You saw the picture of your sister and her son. You shook as you put your hand down on the counter and choked on the cream.

“What?” Sasha reached over and turned your phone to him, “Shit,” he sighed and blocked the number, “he’s just stacking the evidence against himself.”

“I--” you blinked as tears boiled behind your eyes.

“You don’t need to be afraid,” he screencapped the conversation, “this just makes the case even easier.”

“No, I will always be afraid of him,” you said as you touched your stomach, “it’s not just about me anymore.”

“And it’s not just you anymore,” he took your hand and rubbed the back of it with his thumb, “we’ve been through worse. If we can get through a cave full of orcs, we can defeat Steve Rogers.”

END (or is it?)

[prettypinklass]

What happens when the Barbara Fan Club is bothering Barbara: Featuring the Knights of Favonius and my team

Jean

If she catches Albert bothering Barbara it will be the most passive aggressive you will ever seen the acting grand Master.

"Excuse me, but Sister Barbara and I are on official business. Please do not interrupt us."

Barbara will squeak and then nod in agreement.

If it's one of the creepier fans who try to get a little handsy, things get a little more violen.

She will straight up knock out a person if they try to get handsy with her or Barbara, and sometimes Barbara will have to stop her from doing more.

Essentially, it's common knowledge that if Barbara and Jean are together, don't bother them.

Kaeya

"Excuse me, but Sister Barbara and I are busy. Whatever it is that you require, I'm sure that the church will be more then capable of assisting you."

Not as passive aggressive as Jean, but the air tends to become just a little bit cooler if he thinks someone is bothering her.

If the personnel question tries to get handsy, they may find themselves with cold feet. Literally.

And yes, Kaeya will leave them there until someone comes to help them, or until the ice melts on its own.

Lisa

It's almost as bad as having an overdue book.

She's very sweet and condescending when telling people to leave Barbara alone. She's also very quick to remind them that Barbara is VERY busy as the deaconess, and that if they really care about her, it would be best to leave her alone.

"Tsk tsk, Sister Barbara is so very busy as the deaconess. If you need healing, then I suggest you just head to the church. I'm certain if you really care about her, then you'll be more then happy to let us finish our official business, right?"

Anyone who gets handsy falls victim to her "shock first, question later" policy.

Lisa has gotten into trouble more then once with Jean for her shocking, but for reasons unknown, if the reason for her shocking was related to Barbara, she tends to get off without more then a slap on the wrist.

The knights are sworn to secrecy on this, but Jean 100% approves of shocking people who get handsy with Barbara. Some think it's a bit harsh, but Lisa is more then happy to oblige.

Barbara doesn't like it though, and though she would be more then happy to heal them, Lisa always sends them to the church before she can.

Amber

If Amber is out with Barbara, its unlikely they'll run into obsessive fans. Most of their work is done outside of the city, clearing out hilichurl camps or collecting herbs together.

If somehow, they DO run into an obsessive fan, Amber may or may not "accidentally" mistake them for a hilichurl. Or perhaps miss her shot and hit them in the rump instead.

Never with a flaming arrow, she isn't THAT mean, but there's no harm in scaring them off right?

If they don't leave after that, she'll get Barbara to hide and go talk to them.

"Citizen of Mondstadt! What are you doing out here in the wilderness? It's dangerous!"

"Outrider Amber? Do you know where-"

"If you're friend is missing, then rest assured that I will find them! But I have to ask you to please return to the city, and not to stray off the path. It's too dangerous out here."

That's the end of their conversation, always. If they don't leave, Amber will make them.

Klee

Klee LOVES hanging out with Auntie Barbara. But Uncle Kaeya and Master Jean warned her about people who may try to get too close.

If an obsessive fan is bothering them, Klee will tell them that they're on official business, and they don't have time to chat!

"Sorry sir! Auntie Barbara and I are on official duty for the Knights of Favonius, so we don't have time to play! But if you still want too later, we can play together when we're done!"

Klee doesn't understand what Lisa means by "getting handsy" and has made mistakes before, but through trial and error (and some reflection time in solitary confinement), knows how to tell if Barbara is uncomfortable with the way someone is touching her.

If such a thing ever happens, Klee will grab her hand and pull her away, throwing a small little present at the fan who never learned the meaning of consent.

Said present is usually a bomb, followed by Klee and Barbara high tailing it out of there before the knights arrive so Klee doesn't get in trouble.

Jean knows it's Klee's fault, but Barbara always tells her what happened. She'll always pretend she doesn't know what happen. This has sparked a rumor that there's a crazy bomber in Mondstadt.

It's just Klee. She's the crazy bomber.

Rosaria

Barbara is never truly alone anywhere near town. If she looks to be alone, beware of sister Rosaria, who may or may not be in the shadows.

Rosaria and Barbara don't get along all the time, but Rosaria would never let anyone harass a fellow sister of the church.

She'll stay out of it if it's just harmless chatter. Most of the time, it's just fans trying to get an autograph.

On the occasion that someone wants more though, they won't get a chance

If someone tries to touch her, gets too close, or even looks at Barbara in the wrong way, Sister Rosaria will be standing behind them within an instant.

"Watch where you put your hands/gaze. Harassing a sister of the church is punishable by death."

Thats a lie, but it usually does the trick.

For my team...

Xinyan

Barbara loves hanging out with Xinyan. It's refreshing to see a different style of music, and they've even talked about doing shows together.

The traveler briefed Xinyan on Barbara's situation in Mondstadt though, and if you asked her, it's the farthest thing from rock'n roll.

Xinyan isn't a fan of her scary face. Her upturned eyebrows and naturally narrowed eyes, paired with her punk rock aesthetic make her menacing, and she hates it.

But she isn't afraid to make use of it if anyone is bothering her and Barbara, especially when they're talking music.

A glance is usually enough to scare them off, but anyone who gets too close may get a little more then they bargained for.

"Hey, pal," Xinyan will grab their wrist before they can do anything, "Don'tcha know it's rude to interrupt a conversation? Sister Barbara and I are busy. If you need something from the church, why don't you go to the cathedral?"

Xinyan isn't familiar with a lot of Mondstadt's customs, but she's damn well sure that touching without warning or consent isn't one of them.

Most fans won't approach if she's around though. Her scary face isn't a feature she's happy with, but at least it keeps the creeps away.

Venti

The wind always gets stronger if you're bothering Barbara and the tone deaf bard is around.

It's a strange phenomenon, but nobody really pays much attention to it.

If Venti catches you bothering his dear devoted sister of the church, he will intervene.

"Ah, Sister Barbara! There you are! I composed a new melody, and was hoping I could have the honor of you singing with me!"

Barbara knows this isn't true, but she knows he's trying to help and frankly, she doesn't want to deal with obsessive fans. So she goes along with it.

"Oh, Venti! Of course, I'd be happy to help."

Of course, if you're near the fountain, the wind may just blow you into the water instead.

And anyone who tries to get handsy gets blown into it no matter where they are.

Needless to say, Lord Barbatos doesn't approve of people harassing the deaconess of his church.

Ganyu

Ganyu isn't familiar with Mondstadt's customs or traditions, and nor are Mondstadt's people familiar with the creatures known as Adepti, much less a half Adeptus.

Though Ganyu makes it a habit to avoid entering the church, in favor of her faith to Rex Lapis and her contract, she's more then happy to assist the knights with whatever they need.

She was asked to accompany Barbara out of town once by Jean.

"You mean... Sister Barbara of the church?"

"Yes. If you aren't comfortable with it, you don't have to, but..."

"It would be no trouble at all Master Jean, but... may I ask why the deaconess needs someone to accompany her?"

Jean's expression became disgruntled, but she explained the situation. Needless to say Ganyu wasn't happy with it.

Though she has a habit of bringing her clipboard and papers when she's out with Barbara, she's quite good at getting people to leave them alone.

"Barbara-sama-"

"Sister Barbara, could you look at this for a moment? I understand the church and the knights share the authority in Mondstadt, so I was hoping you could help me plan some trade routes between the Dawn Winery and Liyue..." she'll get in the way of any fans who try to bother them, and get work done at the same time. Really, it's almost impressive.

If they persist, she'll click her tongue and turn to frown at them

"Excuse me, but I'm afraid Sister Barbara and I are quite busy. Relationships between Liyue and Mondstadt have grown rocky as of late due to the recent passing of our archon. It is of the utmost importance that we stabilize our relationship as countries and ensure that Mondstadtians and Liyese continue to be capable of freely passing our border without fear of the other."

That usually gets them to leave. Anyone who tries anything more will face Ganyu's ability of abruptly stopping a conversation and leaving, this time with Barbara in tow.

[princesspiratecat]

The Rise and Fall of the Shepard Family Part 15: Winter, 1082

Part 1& Part 2

Part 3 & Part 4

Part 5 & Part 6 & Part 7

Part 8 & Part 9 & Part 10

Part 11 & Part 12 & Part 13

Part 14

Things changed as soon as Edyth moved in. At first, it was clear that she was acting in the compacity of a servant. She cleaned, served meals, and tended to the animals. But as her pregnancy progressed she was treated in a more favorable way and given her own chambers across the hall from Marcelle. She also stopped doing much of anything, and the house soon became a scene of disarray, tension, and confusion. By the time her daughter, Agnes, was born, Marcelle let her do whatever she wished.

The older children had been shocked that another woman had come to take their mother’s place so quickly. All three of them thought it was disrespectful to the memory of their mother- it was just too soon. The younger children were largely ignored by Edyth, and they knew enough about people to know when they weren’t liked. Edyth had grown used to only paying mind to those that were important, and she hypocritically resented the idea of playing mother to anyone else’s children. This was how little Edith Shepard had come to stay in the Squire’s residence in the first place. 

In truth, Edyth resented them for being born into a life she could only dream of. And when she was alone with Marcelle, acted as his ears and eyes and told him everything that the children had done in his absence. She also talked poorly about Gwendolyn, as it was a well known fact that she was only the daughter of a Shepard- peasant folk. Why should she get to marry so far above her station, when Edyth knew she would never receive such a proposal from her father in law?!

One night, after he had come to her rooms, she said, “My Lord, is she not the daughter of a peasant? Do you think that is a good match for your first born son?” Marcelle said nothing, but the idea had already been injected into his head, and she saw the wheels begin to turn. 

Shortly afterwards, Agnes was born. And the next night Marcelle, who had been rather neglectful of his children, called Frances into the Great Hall to discuss his upcoming marriage. His face was serious and solemn, and he got straight to the point. 

“I have decided that you will end your engagement to the Shepard girl, and instead marry a Lady that is more appropriate to your rank as my heir.”

Shocked, Frances stood there for some moments, not knowing what to say. Finally, he replied, “But the arrangements have been made for some time, and we announced our betrothal to everyone. You have already accepted her dowry and sold her estate. If you did not wish me to marry her, why did you make those arrangements?”

Marcelle cleared his throat and colored. “I can see you are concerned about the girl, and I promise you she will be well taken care of at the orphanage. She will want for nothing and will be able to live in a manner far above her lowly station.”

“Her lowly station? She is not so lowly as you think her. She is intelligent, kind, caring, and has learned everything from Mother that will help her thrive in the role of my wife and Lady. I don’t understand why you have suddenly changed your wishes from that of my Mother.”

He scoffed, “Your mother had some silly romantic ideas in her head, and I should have never let her arrange the match. I let your mother get her way far too often, and I should have put her in her place long ago-”

“Arrange the match?! What are you saying?”

Marcelle bit his lip in regret, as he had not meant to make all known. But what did it matter? 

“Your mother made sure to throw you two together, frequently and often. She wanted you to marry the Shepard girl, and not the Whitestone heir. She thought Llywelyn an honorable man due to his past military exploits. But it was a silly idea. A Shepard is a Shepard, and I will not have it for my first born son.” He gritted his teeth with contempt as he said the last part, so the words seemed to slither out of his mouth like a snake.

Frances suddenly felt a touch of queasiness at the thought of his parents doing anything behind his back. He had always believed that they might arrange a match for him, but he had hoped he would have some say in the matter. What was the reason for all the secrecy? 

“I cannot comprehend what you are saying. You gave your consent long ago! We have been engaged for months, and have publicly announced the match. You cannot just go against Mother’s own wishes and call it off on your own whim! And her name is Gwendolyn. Stop calling her "Shepard girl!” Frances had never so much as raised his tone to his father, ever, but now he was shouting. 

In truth, Frances had always somewhat feared his father. Marcelle did everything with absolute resolution and with such force of will, never had he once questioned his own decisions. He did not bother taking counsel from anyone, or listening, and Frances knew that. Most of the arguments that entered the head of his son died on his lips, as it seemed futile to argue with such a stubborn man.

Marcelle then stood up, his face bright with rage. 

“Do you really want to throw your life away on a mere peasant girl? If you want to make her your mistress, do it discreetly! Build her a cottage where you can visit her. But you will not marry her, or I will cut you off at the knees without a farthing to your name!”

“Father- I love her!” Frances resented the way this sounded, more like a plea from a child rather than a man about to be married.

“Don’t be a fool. You can bed her without letting her lowly birth tarnish your house. Everything I have done I have done for you. I will not see you play the fool!”

Deflated and defeated, Frances knew he still must plead her case as much as he was able. After she had cut off her own long engagement to Oswald for him, he could not abandon her. He would not. 

“Very well. But you must give her back her dowry. How much was it worth?! Not enough I am beginning to understand! If I am not to marry her, you must give her back what is her rightful inheritance. It is the only honorable thing to do, though we both know none of this is honorable!” 

“Don’t you speak to me of honor boy! Lord knows what you’ve been up to at night with your peasant whore! That money has been spent for the care and upkeep of her and her siblings. Our family owes them nothing! Nothing!”

That’s when Frances realized in a moment of terrifying clarity that his father had used her dowry on the building of his church. Stunned, he felt hot tears stream down his face. So he had robbed her of her marriage, robbed her of her dowry and inheritance, and now was robbing the couple of any future they might have had together! He didn’t know what to say, and knew there was nothing he could do. So he simply turned away and walked.

 He kept walking until he reached the open air, and then walked more until his estate was far behind him. He had to clear his head, but he couldn’t stop his heart from squeezing out fresh tears. Oh, to think of the promises he had made her while she wept in her room! They all sounded like lies now, and he hung his head in shame and sobbed. 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry!”

[buildingrelationshipsinanarchy]

A New Intimacy Model

So what spurred this project is a culmination of a few things. Namely, frustration with the imprecise and incomprehensible words, Platonic, Romantic, and Sexual. The English language hasn’t been great at adapting the words for personal relationships as our times and values change.

I fell into Anarchism only very recently, stumbling into the language of ‘relationship anarchy’ through the internet in discussion with forms of polyamory years ago when I started this blog. Over the last year, I’ve been getting into radical politics and finding how my un-politicized opinions were validated, and then stretched the more I learned and studied up. While I’m still learning more about Radical politics, Anarchism, Marxism, Queer and Feminist theory specifically, the more I wanted to link some of my perspectives on intimate relationships with these political and theoretical texts.

“The Personal is Political.” - Carol Hanisch, Feminist Author.

@mythr1der​ wrote a post detailing a bit of the frustration I also share in regards to how the Dichotomy between Platonic and Sexual (which almost all definitions of Romance boil back into), leave much to be desired when discussing attraction, desire, intimacy and relationships in general. I believe that this very simple dichotomy reflects, oddly enough, capitalism and the history of the role of state power in culture. I rant a little bit about it as a response to @mythr1der​‘s post here. 

It’s long, and incomplete, but I proposed an idea of just building entirely new words, so we can build an entirely new map for talking about love, desire, attraction, and relationships that actually discuss what its like to be next to someone you like to be next to! 

What is intimacy? It’s closeness right? To be near some ‘intimate’ part of another person, or them near something meaningful about why you’re you. I wanted to start this series by talking about what it means to be close to someone. If you remember my birthday without Facebook, that might make me feel a bit special. But if you remember how badly I was abused by an old friend, its because I trusted you enough to share some of the sadness that I’m not as loud about.

Intimacy isn’t always trauma, sometimes its tears of joy hearing that your cousin is out of prison, or the laughter of your friends. Being close to each other in a hyper-digitized age is a bit tricky, but phone calls, facetime, snapchat are only some of the tools we use to keep each other updating on what we’re feeling. Whether its about our love life, sex life, work life, or home life, just sharing that information can be real special, and bonding.

When we say that we have friends or that we are [Queer] Platonic Partners, does that mean we’ve decided how often we’re gonna talk or what we’re gonna talk about? What if we just send each other memes or rant about politics? Am I supposed to devalue those interactions because they aren’t the person I’m crying on the phone with?

Intimacy can be as deep as childhood scars and as simple as surprising me with my favorite snack. It all just means you know who I am, what I like, and what I care about. I want to intentionally forge those connections. And this why I set these definitions first. 

Other Words:

A Daekkon (n.) would be person/partner whom you’ve developed intentionally this kind of relationship with. 

If you desired this kind of relationship with a certain person, you’d be feeling Daekeen (adj.) for/about that person.

People who are desiring or actively doing these activities together are Daekkoning (v.). 

This would be understood as Daekkonic (adj.) behavior; as in, “My roomate isn’t super talkative with me, but is deakkonic (adj.) with Sandra from the Mosque.” 

“Tom is going through it, he’s felt deakkonically (adv.) deprived since the move.”

________________________________________________________________

In our sex-negative, ironically repressed culture, we seem to think that if you’re touching your bodies together at all, it means *something*.  I want to remove that idea. I want to reclaim physical affection. I want to be touch and be touched by others. I don’t want my afab friends who have experienced some sort of sexual violence in their lives, to ever feel weary about the fact that I’m physically affectionate. It’s been my #1 Love Language for the last 10 years.��

Fighting r*pe culture is a full-time fight, but I think adding a word, and therefore an idea[l], can be useful in reclaiming safety, and boundaries regarding bodily autonomy, for all of us. Clear communication and respected boundaries and asking consent for everything are the bedrock we need to continually practice. And as trust builds, I believe this could be very useful theoretically tool for improving the quality of our relationships and help create clearer discussion about our individual boundaries, needs, and desires. I feel like this leads me to a relevant question. What activities are inherently platonic, romantic or sexual? Is holding hands inherently romantic when almost all of us have done it with a friend? What about those of us who are religious or spiritual and have held hands with members of church, mosque or synagogue; do you think we’re out here non-stop blushing at the Pastor? Or when we held hands with family members? Doesn’t sound like it holds up, huh? 

What about snuggling a roommate? Holding a teammate while celebrating a victory? The kiss my bestfriend gave me on our shared birthday dinner? Are we left to through our Aro and Ace friends’ out of the discussion, just because our culture has bad takes on sex and romance as the only forms possible of significant physical touch? Physical touch is such an important way to communicate love and affection, as well as care, concern, and comfort. They don’t get to cast their shadow on this space anymore!

Other Words:

If you had this desire for someone, or wanted to approach cultivating these forms of affection in a relationship, you could say you’re feeling Phaddish (adj.) for that person.

.Participating or initiating acts of a non-sexual physical intimacy Phadronic (adj.) quality are said to be phade-ing/phading (v.).

A Phadrone (n.) could be the name of a person/partner you share this kind of relationship with. 

Phadroning (v.) would the act of cultivating this kind of intimacy with another person. 

Phadronically (adv.) could describe a certain level of intimacy implicit in a physical touch between to particular people.

________________________________________________________________

Now lets talk about Sex. That’s the thing the everyone’s mind always gravitates to when discuss words like, intimacy, attraction, desire. It’s the thing we want to stay away from when you use the Platonic or Friendly. But, lets be real. Haven’t many of us had sex with people didn’t even consider friends? Or people who became our “Strictly Platonic” friends after we may have had sex, once or several times, with them?

People who gravitate toward polyamory or non-monogamy tend have had a “hoe-phase.” The boundary between friend and lover, or partner and fuckbuddy have been blurred in a good chunk of people’s lives. Non-monogamous or not, I think it’s useful to talk directly about our sexual experiences, desires, fantasies, and how different it can be with different people, or in different stages of our lives. But what makes an experience sexual? Maybe that sounds redundant or obvious; I mean, it’s got the word SEX in it, maybe that’s got something to do with it? But maybe not... 

Lets ask an odd question. Is sex inherently sexual? Who wouldn’t assume the answer is automatically yes? Well, my first thought is to talk to those in the Adult Entertainment industry or friends of ours who are sex-workers, in whatever capacity. Is every client sexy or shoot erotic? Those of us who have sex, have we never been doing it and been bored through most of at least one experience? 

If sex is inherently sexual, why do we have so many Sexual Health Educators, Marriage Counselors, Pornstars, Yoga Teachers, Personal trainers and Writers telling us how to have sexy sex? Dating Coaches and Websites, telling us how we are getting something that’s supposed to sound so easy wrong.

I’ve come to the opinion that sex isn’t about body parts, genitalia, certain body motions, or even clothing [or lack thereof]. I believe that sex, or eroticism, is all about the context and the people involved. There’s nothing inherently sexy about fruit, or food in general, but if woman eats a banana in public, there are at least several men in area thinking of something than her healthy food choices. 

This is why talking about sex directly is good. And understanding it as an energy that you imbue to any activity or circumstance, could help have better sex; and and on the flip-side, show us how we may need to more aware of how we may take up space with our body language. I do also feel, that in part, some of our Ace friends (those who aren’t sex repulsed), may be able to find some resonance with this model; sex doesn’t have to feel passionate or any particular way at all (other than good?), because sex isn’t about sexiness, but about human connection and pleasure.

Other Words:

Serotic (adj.) activities include any activity that is engaged due to, or is infused with, sexual desire and/or erotic intention. It also describes the type of desire you’re feeling for another person. 

A Serato (n.) is any person you engage in serotic activities or feelings with. 

An activity that was originally un-serotic (adj.), but became sexually or erotically charged, we could described as having become Serotically (adv.) charged. 

When you are cultivating or charging an act with serotic energy, you are Seroticizing (v.) that activity

________________________________________________________________

Lately, especially since diving into Radical Politics, I find less and less desire in defining Who I Am as a part of a relationship unit. It’s an overlay from monogamy, The Couple being the only social unit that is recognized, as it’s necessary to the Nuclear Family; a super important thing for Capitalism to sustain itself. The relationships I cultivate with others, with whatever forms of intimacy or interactions therein, cant be understood by that model. I am more than my interactions with a handful of people; I am a human person, and my engagement with the world isn’t actually reducible to whether or not I’m having sex with someone or not. 

We’ve talked about multiple forms of intimacy, and some of the desires or interests associated with them. Have you noticed that in the desire, or need, to discuss relationships on a basis of, ‘sex: yes or no?’, that we haven’t talked about the webs that form because we are all reliant on each other to survive? Not everyone in your community or workplace or online spaces, you’ll get to know or talk to. Do they, as people, matter less because they aren’t in your contacts list or your DM’s?  

This is a space where not a lot of us to tend think or engage as much. An easy word to discuss this space is community. But is a community the people or the place you spend your time, whether online or off? Is the community the place you live and your neighbors? Is it the people who may share some of your identifiers or face similar forms of oppression, despite living in a different city, state, country?

We are multi-dimensional beings, and with the use of technology, there are so many ways to form relationships, and share resources. I think the ‘community’ is any space you find yourself in, which means that mutual aid is something you are always able to engage in. Whether it’s feeding the homeless guys who hang out by the intersection, or dropping a few bucks in a trans kid’s venmo, mutual aid is so much easier.

But what if that feels so inconsequential? It’s not! But it does, from time to time, feel like the problems of the world are so big, and that you and so many you know are suffering in ways you wish you could help. Well, community organizing is always happening somewhere, online and off. It becomes important to join up with others in order feel like we can actually make a positive impact on the lives of others. We don’t have to wait on a government who’s interest isn’t ours, don’t have to wait for some politician to fail on a promise to Make Things Better.

We have each other, and we are all we really have. At the end of the day, all of our concepts are man-made. COVID-19 showed us how drastically things could be different if the people in power made decisions that actually benefited us. A lot of us understand the need to do something. Capitalism says that competition is what drove human kind into evolution, the fight for survival in a meaningless, terrifying world. Anarchism, as I’m learning, throws the whole idea in the trash where it belongs.

Peter Kropotkin, whose been called both the Godfather and Santa Claus of Anarchism, penned in Mutual Aid: A Factor of Evolution (1902), “under any circumstances sociability is the greatest advantage in the struggle for life.”

We are better off together. Capitalism and the property relationships in our compulsively monogamous society try to tell us other wise. We don’t have to follow that model.

Other Words:

To Mudshop (v.) is to build a mudship with a particular person, organinzation, or community; Mud-shopping (v.). 

A Mudshipper (n.) is an individual in a mudship of any scale. 

I’ve said a lot. I hope this reads as accessible to as many people as it can be. I built this because I want to tell the people in my life why I love them as dearly as I do. And that I’d love to build relationships with as many awesome, lovely people as I can.

If you try to use the words Romantic and Platonic while you look at this post, and find it almost impossible, I’ve done my job.

I hope those words die along with oppressive ideas they uphold.

[holes-to-abuse]

NSFW Asks

1. What tends to feel better for you, sex or masturbation?

Sex... the rougher the better

2. Your 5 favorite spots to be stimulated?

Does it matter when I am just holes to be used and abused for my masters pleasure

3. Have you ever had an orgasm from anything other than your genitals being stimulated?

Yes, I was trained to cum on command

4. Are you well-acquainted with your G-spot?

Yes

5. Are handjobs boring, or underrated?

It does not matter what I think... if my master wants one he gets one

6. Do you like having your nipples touched?

They don't stimulate me unless pain is involved

7. Do you like having your anus touched?

Yes

8. Have you ever been fisted?

Once, but I tend to be too tight to fit a whole hand much less a fist.

9. Do you like mild roughness (scratching, spanking, hair-pulling, etc.)?

Yes, especially biting I love to be bit... I love when my master holds me in place to be fucked like an animal with his teeth on my neck as he pounded away at my pussy

10. Do you have any kinks?

Biting (being bit), pet play (I am the pet, preferably puppy but have role played hucow), incest, impregnation (both force and consensual, and from beginning impregnation through birth, and birth denial/public birth/home birth), cnc (consent non-consent, rape), beastiality, tpe... and I love to rp all of these

11. Are you into anything under the BDSM umbrella?

Yes...

12. Do you pee in the shower?

Yes when alone in the shower... but as a puppy during pet play I have to go restroom outside

13. Do you ever masturbate in the shower?

I have

14. Have you had sex in the shower?

Yes

15. Do you like being naked?

Yes

16. Do you sleep partially/fully naked? Have you ever been to a nude beach, naked party, or other situation involving casual nudity? Are you comfortable with partners seeing you nude in non-sexual contexts?

I sleep full nude unless I am spending the night at a non-partners house then out of respect I wear sleep clothes...

Yes I have, when I was a smaller size

I was when I was a smaller size... as I got bigger (size 22 so big but not holy shit huge)

17. Have you ever showered with someone (non-sexually)?

Yes

18. Do you care if a partner sees you going to the bathroom?

Of course not... especially when outside during pet play

19. Do you have naked pictures/videos of yourself? If yes, have you sent them to anyone? Are they online?

Yes, yes, and yes... but prefer not to do face shots

20. How many sexual partners have you had?

I stopped counting

21. How often do you masturbate?What position do you typically masturbate in (laying on back, on stomach, sitting up, etc.)?

Well I edge usually several times a day everyday... some days I have to miss for different reasons and I always feel off those days... on my back or stomach depending on the toy... and always with a toy... I only cum with permission

22. Describe your masturbation routine, technique, etc.

Pull up tumblr scroll until I get horny, pull out a toy and start using it

23. What do you masturbate to (porn, smut, imagination, etc.)?

A combination of things, just no scat

24. Have you ever masturbated to the point you got sore?

Everyday... I do that on purpose... because my pussy has to be able to take a beating if it is to please my master

25. Your thoughts the first time you got up close and personal with the opposite set of genitals?

I was molested a lot as a child (starting when I was 4) so I don't remember the first time I got close and by the time I was old enough to play with partners closer to my own age I was so cock hungry to be abused I craved them

26. What kind of underwear do you normally wear?

Usually none or bikini briefs... but usually none

27. Do you ever go commando?

All the time

28. Have you ever had a wet dream/orgasmed in your sleep?

I have had dreams that made me wet and horny when I woke up but I don't cum without permission

29. Do you find genitals physically attractive, or weird/gross, or not feel strongly either way?

What does it matter what holes think? I am there to please my master, so I do.

30. Do you like the way your genitals look?

I have a significant FUPA and some people don't know how to handle...

31. Would you be able to pick out your genitals from a lineup?

Not sure why I would have too but probably

32. Do you like your butt?

It's an ass... I wish it was plumper...

33. What do you do with your pubic hair (shave, trim, wax, nothing, etc.)?

I keep it all trim and neat but occasionally shave it bald

34. Do you care/have a preference what partners do with their pubic hair?

No, it does not matter what I think

35. Do you have or want any genital piercings? Do you like any on other people?

Don't have currently... but really want a set... I don't care if they do/don't have any

36. What is the quickest you’ve ever brought yourself (or been brought) to orgasm?

Be in a situation of control and tell me to cum

37. Do you ever “edge” (repeatedly stop and start) when masturbating?

Everyday...

38. What’s the longest masturbation session you’ve had? Longest sex session?

I have been tied up and hooked up to a fucking machine while my former master went to work for a full shift... so I spent 10 hours straight hooked to a fuck machine... my owner came home to a giant mess... I was completely numb... he took me off the machine to fuck me and then put me back on the machine... he would take me off to fuck and then put me back on... keeping my pussy numb and my brain empty because his pleasure is what was important

39. Do your orgasms tend to be full-body, or crotch-centric?

I have both...

40. Spit or swallow?

Spitting is for quitters

41. Is it hot or gross to get ejaculated on? Have you ever had sex in a public place?

I would much rather be ejaculated in rather than on... but I have an impregnation fetish

Yes several times

42. Have you ever had sex/masturbated while somebody was sleeping near you? Strangest/most unique place you’ve had sex? How about masturbated?

Yes, I have had sex with a married man while his wife was in bed beside him.

Bell tower of a church during Sunday service...

Sitting at my friends house on her couch right next to her husband while she was sleeping (he did not even know what I was doing)

43. Have you had any sexual experiences that were downright gross?

Depends on your definition of gross

44. Are you particularly “vocal” when masturbating/having sex?

I can be a screamer if you hit it right

45. Have you ever been caught masturbating/having sex?

Yes a few times, once by a cop but my then master offered me to him and he took a turn too

46. Have you had or do you want to have a threesome (or foursome, or more)? Have you ever used a homemade sex toy, or a regular object as a sex toy?

Yes, all have been ffm

Yes I have all the time

47. Can a dildo feel as good as a penis?

Depends on who is using it

48. What are your favorite positions?

DOGGY STYLE

49. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted infection?

No I am completely clean and disease free

50. Do you think you’re “good” at sex, or your performance/skill could use improvement? If you had the opposite set of genitals for a day, name 5 things you would do.

No complaints received.

Probably spend the day masterbating... and go out and find a chick to fuck... of become a sissy cause I can't not have cock

51. Hard limits?

No scat... anal and ass play are great and I love them... but I don't do ass to mouth and no playing in it... thats gross and how people get sick... thats how you get pink eye

[dusky-dancing]

What Grows in Winter

Rating: T

Length: ~4500 words

Pairing: Felix Hugo Fraldarius / Byleth Eisner

Tags: Mistletoe, Hand Warming, Kissing, Holiday Tropes, Fluff, Pining.

Summary: Fodlan’s coldest winter and a gruesome war greet Byleth upon waking from her five-year slumber, and while an improvised winter celebration is in the works, she’s more drawn to a familiar stability. Surely, whatever grows in the harshest seasons can survive anything.

This is my Felileth Secret Santa gift for Rex a.k.a Smoke n’ Milk! Check out their art twitter if you’re craving some Felileth. I hope you all enjoy, and have a very Merry Christmas!

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Snow made sparring more challenging. Byleth already knew this, but to do so with Felix only a month after she’d awoken from her five-year slumber was much harder than she’d imagined. 

It didn’t help that the weather had been relentless that year, and missing Red Wolf Moon meant missing wolf-hunting season, which would’ve supplied their soldiers and allies with the pelts and meat they needed to survive the cold. The guilt tugged at her mind at all times. So many from both the church and the Kingdom had quickly joined the cause with her name, yet she had nothing to show for it besides barely fending off an Empire assault. 

Perhaps sparring Felix grew difficult because he’d grown stronger, or that Byleth had just grown weaker. No matter the excuse, her chill-stiffened muscles struggled to stay mobile against her opponent’s relentless strength. 

“You’re slow.” He lunged swiftly, barely giving her time to parry his sword to the side and force an opening. His body pivoted with the movement, however, and their swords clashed before she could move forward on the offensive. 

“It’s called a warm-up, Felix,” she panted.

“Maybe you’ll finally buy a coat, or make actual use of the one you already have,” he smirked and sliced at her sleeves that dangled unused from her shoulders. “Or admit that I’ve finally surpassed you.”

“Nah,” she said. “Match isn’t over, Fraldarius, and I doubt you’d accept victory that easily.”

“You’re right,” he chuckled before assuming a ready stance and waiting for her to move first.

Byleth almost accepted his bait out of spite until she felt something tickle her hair. Old habits kicked in, and she spun towards their intruder, which in turn startled Felix. Her sword swung for whatever had snuck up on them, but met only empty air, then a small fishing line. The culprit, a small tuft of twigs, leaves, and red berries, fell to her feet.

“Woah, woah! Easy!” Sylvain yelled from above. The paladin had somehow managed to climb to the roof with a fishing pole without alerting either Felix or Byleth to his presence. Maybe Byleth really had lost her touch.

“Sylvain, what the hell is wrong with you?!” Felix shouted. 

With that, Sylvain leapt from the roof, dusted himself off, and held his hands up in defeat. “I wasn’t trying to sneak up on you! You two must’ve been really distracted.” He eyed the severed end of his fishing line. “How did you cut this with a wooden sword?”

“What do you want?” Felix asked. “We’re busy, if you haven’t noticed.”

Byleth’s eyes drifted to the small green shrub lying in the snow. “And what is that?” she added.

“Oh, this?” Sylvain smirked and picked it up, twirling it in his fingers. “Glad you asked. Annette and Merci tasked me with getting everyone into a more... festive ...spirit.”

Right, the mages’ mission to lift everyone’s spirits with an improvised winter celebration. The Lions had reunited, as had many of their allies, but Dimitri was far from a kingly state, their supplies ran short, and the monastery’s defenses were unprepared for another Empire incursion. The millenium-old walls had been worse for wear after five years of war and neglect, but their fortress, like their resolve to carry on, held together.

Mercedes and Annette had immediately called for a celebration of Byleth’s return, though she argued they had many more reasons to celebrate. The Millenium Festival marked their reunion, but the decorations, the music, the feasts, and the bright firelight that contrasted with the white snow had been absent. The two women were making up for that now, and most of the Lions had agreed to help. 

“Sylvain, you know you’re supposed to hang up decorations, not flail them around on a fishing rod, right?”

“Ah, but this isn’t a decoration, my good friend.” He tied the bundle to the freshly-cut end of the fishing line and wiggled it between Felix and Byleth. “This, here, is a mistletoe.”

Byleth didn’t know what any of that meant, but if Felix’s reaction was any indication, it wasn’t any good. His annoyed narrow eyes flew open, and his cheeks that surely must have been freezing in the falling snow flushed red. 

“See? Felix knows! I knew you’d-”

“Get lost, Sylvain.” Felix ducked away from the plant as if it was a deadly poison.

“Not until you two follow the tradition.” Sylvain’s unyielding grin told Byleth that he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Few were immune to Felix’s sudden outbursts, and Sylvain was likely the most seasoned in navigating the swordsman’s temper. 

Despite the dread hanging in the air, Byleth was curious. “What tradition?”

Felix spun around and pointed his glove in Sylvain’s face. “Don’t tell her!” He didn’t address Byleth directly, but nodded to her. “Trust me, you’re better off not knowing our stupid traditions.”

“Great idea, Felix, why don’t you tell her!” Sylvain nudged his friend as his voice nearly sang. Their moods couldn’t be more opposite, but Byleth knew whose taste aligned more with her own. 

Felix grunted. “Let’s just get back to training.”

In their brief repose, Byleth’s muscles had only stiffened by remaining stagnant. And she couldn’t deny her curiosity. “I’m not participating in any weird Faerghus traditions, but I should still know what they are.”

Sylvain’s smile grew all the way to his eyes while Felix scoffed with a look of betrayal. Maybe he wished that she’d push Sylvain to drop it. After a few tense moments, however, he yielded and turned back toward her. Even so, he kept his face turned away from her.

“When two people are caught under a mistletoe, the dumb tradition says they have to...kiss.”

“Oh,” was all Byleth could say in response. If Sylvain was watching her for a strong reaction, he wouldn’t get one. But that was only because her insides were imploding.

Sylvain wanted him to kiss her? Had he chosen them on purpose, or had it just been coincidence?

Did she... want to kiss Felix?

The man didn’t give her time to ponder the sensation any further. “But like I said, it’s dumb, it’s cold, and we’re busy. So get lost, Sylvain.”

“Oh, you’re busy . I see how it is.” He reeled in the mistletoe and swung it over his shoulder. “You two are the first to refuse, you know. It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just a sign. A mistletoe is an omen of peace and protection from death. They grow even in the harshest winter. The fact that some began sprouting on the shrubs throughout the monastery is good, no?”

Felix’s face flared red, either with seething anger or pure embarrassment. “Then go find more willing participants and tell Edelgard the war’s over because of some weeds. Leave us.”

Sylvain threw his hands up in defeat. “All right, all right, I surrender. Consent is important, anyways.” Before he pushed the training ground doors open, however, he turned and gave them one last of his dazzling smiles. “You never refused, though. All I heard were excuses.” And with that, he shrugged and moved through the doors.

“Don’t waste that fishing line, Sylvain, I’ll need it later!” Byleth shouted before the doors slammed shut. An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment. Byleth was sure her fingers had fused to her sword hilt. “My hands are freezing,” she said in an attempt to break the tension and turn the conversation elsewhere.

When his eyes met hers, however, he almost looked apologetic. He’d never apologized for his outbursts in the past, so why did he look so regretful now?

Oh. 

Oh.

Her attempt to pull his attention away from the awkward situation appeared to work as he strode over to her and removed a glove. Atleast, it worked until his bare hand touched hers, and her cheeks flared with heat. Maybe it was just because his hand was exceptionally warm compared to hers, or maybe it was the sudden close proximity. Regardless, their brief reprieve from recent events was short-lived.

Felix pulled his hand away quickly. “Well, damn, of course they are. You’re gripping a wooden sword in the freezing snow, bare-handed. Will you buy some gloves already?”

“I suppose I’m not used to the cold.” She leaned her sword against a nearby pillar. Relieved that it hadn’t frozen stuck to her palm, she rubbed her now-free hands together for warmth. “It’s worse this year than I remember. Gloves are hard enough to come by, and I can’t...” she paused, recalling how many at the monastery were even less equipped for the cold. “I can’t let myself get comfortable yet.”

Felix sighed, still keeping arm’s distance from her. A moment later, he offered her both of his gloves. She was in the middle of exhaling warm breath against her hands and froze at his sudden gesture. 

“Here, you’ll get warmer faster, then we can get back to work.”

He’d never demanded that she borrow anything of his before - not his coat, his gloves, and certainly not his sword. But she knew better than to leave him hanging for too long.

“Thank you,” she said before taking them. Her hands already felt warmer just holding the thick hide fabric. His gloves outsized her hands noticeably, and she didn’t miss the chuckle that came from him when the tips of the fingers flopped over. 

But they were extremely warm. Instinctively, she clasped her hands together and brought them close to her face, and she inhaled the scent of pine and sword oil.

Was this how he always smelled?

“Felix?” she asked. He was doing everything in his power to not watch her, but his head turned toward her curiously. “You were right. Traditions are stupid,” she smirked. 

His shoulders relaxed, and a half-smile to match her own replaced the scowl that had been present since Sylvain’s provocation. “I get why people have them, but there’s no point to just follow them blindly.”

“Even if they’re just for fun?” she asked.

“Sylvain should know better than to ask me to do something for fun .”

She smirked, “Yes, but he doesn’t know better than to push your buttons. There, I’d say he succeeded.”

Felix scoffed and turned away. As Byleth’s hands warmed, she realized she’d never really taken the time to notice how much her former students had grown. The one before her certainly had. He was taller and stronger, sure. She knew that enough from training with him, but he’d grown in his own mind as well. He’d hardened himself, likely from the war, yet at the same time his gaze had softened towards her and the other Blue Lions, save for Dimitri.

Maybe his vindication, knowing he’d been right all along about the prince, had brought with it a tragic sense of peace. 

Back when the prince’s demons had begun to show themselves, Felix had been the only one she could approach about it without getting excuses or looks of pity. That was five years ago, though it still lived freshly in Byleth’s memory.

Five years. She’d seen the growth of her former students, but how had their view of her changed during her absence? How had Felix’s? If he’d thought her to be dead, perhaps he’d simply tucked away memories of her next to Glenn and sought out another rival to overcome. If he’d thought she lived, maybe he’d searched for her and had become more concerned and angry as time went on. Felix hadn’t volunteered which side he’d leaned toward yet, and truth be told, it didn’t matter to Byleth whether he’d believed her to be alive or dead. The fact that he was sparring with her now was enough of an answer.

She learned one more crucial piece of information - that the thought of kissing her made Felix absolutely flustered, not annoyed or irritated.

Despite how everything had changed, Felix remained a source of stability for her. Training with him brought her down to her humanity again, away from the realm of the goddess, nobles, and crests. A second thing she learned - the thought of kissing Felix made her flustered as well. 

Amidst the realization, her hands had regained feeling. The growing impatience of her opponent made itself known in the way he paced with folded arms and tapped his bare fingers. Or maybe similar thoughts refused to leave his mind as well. 

There was one way to find out.

When Byleth returned to Felix his gloves, she raised herself onto her toes, leaned in, and pecked her lips onto his cheek. He immediately pulled away like she’d just stabbed him, with an eyes-wide look of shock. His cheeks flushed red, and his sword fell from his grasp.

Byleth had seen Felix do many things when caught off guard, but she’d never seen him drop his weapon.

“Wh-what the hell was that for?!”

She retreated a step, doing her best to maintain her calm exterior. “As a thanks, and a way to fulfill that stupid tradition.”

He didn’t respond again, which made her second guess her own judgment. He’d looked like he’d wanted to kiss her, right? She hadn’t imagined the way he let her borrow his gloves, the way he watched her when they sparred.

“I-I’m sorry. I just thought that...you know what? Nevermind. I should go eat. The cold’s obviously getting to me.” She began to back away, but his bare hand caught her wrist. When she looked back in shock, his gaze was still fixated on the ground.

“It-it’s fine,” he croaked and cleared his throat before finally meeting her gaze. “But that’s not how the tradition goes.”

Byleth paused. Why did Felix suddenly care about the rules? 

Unless…

“It doesn’t work with...just that.” He stepped closer, keeping a hold on her arm. “You have to…”

Oh.

Did he actually want to kiss her? The way his eyes held her screamed yes , with a taste of caution and a lingering question floating within them. So she answered with the smallest nod she could muster, afraid that moving too quickly would break whatever trance they’d found themselves in. 

He didn’t move to touch her anywhere else, but heat flooded her every fiber as he leaned closer and tilted his head to the side. Her eyes closed themselves, overwhelmed at the sight, and then a warmth brushed across her lips. It was brief, if a little ticklish, and she responded in kind before the sensation quickly retreated.

Her eyes remained shut for too long, afraid of the image that would greet her. Would he look happy? Angry? She feared that he may have already turned his back and walked away before his calloused grip on her arm reminded her that he was still within reach. 

Finally, her eyelids gained the strength to open, and indeed the sight would’ve made her heart race if it hadn’t been permanently unbeating. Felix watched her intently, searching her for emotions. Her self-expression was still muted, but he’d become one of the few people who could read her subtle changes, and she hoped that his intuition had remained with him after all those years.

What his eyes communicated, on the other hand, was as clear as day to her. Though he watched her, his gaze was soft with his eyelids hanging lightly. She cursed the snow that fell between the few inches of space between them, interrupting her view. She’d never denied that he was handsome in the same way she’d never deny his skills with a sword, yet now he looked to her almost as a lover would. Not quite open and comfortable enough to freely steal hazy glances, but enough to ask another question.

Is this really what you want?

A question that went unasked, as the words that came from him brought her thoughts to a halt. “Now it counts,” he spoke plainly, as if he were commenting on her sword technique. 

They avoided one another's gaze once again, with his eyes darting down and hers upwards. She scanned the roof, suddenly paranoid that their prior company hadn’t completely left, and swore she saw a second, fresher disturbance in the snow that blanketed the roof. Whether the redhead would earn himself a few more weeks of stable duty wasn’t on the forefront of her mind, however, compared to the man retreating from her.

“I thought you hated traditions.” She turned her wrist in his grasp so she could return his hold, telling him he could stay if he liked. 

Or possibly ask for more.

The thought of kissing him again, fully aware and able to better-prepare herself, erupted butterflies in her chest. She wondered if this was the closest she’d feel to a racing heartbeat.

“I do.” He kept his tone, but his expression held the same question as before. His voice dropped when he spoke again. “But I don’t...hate you.”

She tried to stop the snort that escaped from her nose to no avail, so her free hand came up to cover her face. Now Felix just looked offended, but the way his face continued to redden as he turned away told her that he wished he’d chosen his words better.

But she didn’t. Felix wasn’t the type of man to overthink his words. It was one of his traits that allowed him to be honest and insightful, even if his words stung. Regardless, she knew that I don’t hate you from Felix meant more than the words themselves. 

Her grip on his wrist held firm, and she ran her thumb along the fabric of his sleeve. “I don’t hate you either, Felix.”

He seemed to just notice her touch, for his attention turned to their interlocked arms. Facing her again, he made her the flustered one when he slid his fingers down to take her hand instead. It surprised her how quickly he could turn the tables against her.

“Byleth…”

Familiarity hit her as he stepped closer again, only now his other hand caressed her shoulder, his warm gloves discarded somewhere in the snow. The gaze in his eyes, however, had shifted drastically. Where previously he approached her like a stray cat, now his eyes resembled a wolf - hungry and knowing exactly what he wanted. Her breath hitched, and she managed to rest her free hand against his waist. He was warm as always, but she swore he was shivering. No, trembling.

“Felix…”

Whatever words tried to spill from her were stopped, but not with the crashing of his lips against hers like she’d imagined. Instead, the doors to the training grounds burst open. 

The wolf-like expression before her switched from hunger to anger. He pushed her away sharply, but she took no offense as she’d probably have done the same. Her attention turned to the entryway, where she expected to see Sylvain. She was partially correct, but the paladin wasn’t alone. 

Ashe ran to the front and nearly collapsed into the snow, out of breath. “You aren’t going to believe this, Professor! I was scouting and-”

“Slow down, Ashe, you’re hyperventilating!” Mercedes patted his back and offered him water. Indeed, his face was beet red, and his breathing short. He panted as if he’d just run several miles up the mountain, which would be true if he’d been scouting.

“Let me finish.” He took a deep breath and stepped forward. “Professor, we won’t have to worry about blankets and pelts this winter, because a herd is approaching! A herd of...llamas!”

The surprise threw Byleth in many different mental directions. She suddenly became aware of her and Felix’s state. They’d tried to appear as if they’d just been sparring like any other day, yet their bare hands, long-abandoned swords, and fresh shoeprints in the snow gave away their close proximity only moments ago. She quickly scanned the crowd to see if anyone had picked up on those details. Ashe, though a skilled scout, was too winded and had let his senses drop within the safety of the monastery. Mercedes and Annette hadn’t noticed. So that just left-

Sylvain didn’t even try to hide the grin plastered on his face. He stood unnoticed in the back of the group, just so only Felix and Byleth would catch his gaze. Byleth felt heat rise to her face, but retained her well-practiced stoic facade. Felix, however, failed to hide his flustered annoyance, and his face grew brighter with every second. Luckily for him, the other students were only looking for their former professor’s reaction.

“We’ve never hunted those before,” Byleth said.

“You don’t hunt them!” Annette jumped to gain everyone’s attention. “You shepherd them and use their fleece to make blankets! They can even protect themselves and other livestock from wolves!”

“I don’t recall llamas being around when I was teaching.”

“They’re native to south Fodlan, where the climate is a little more friendly to them.” Sylvain finally broke his painfully teasing silence. “I guess the combination of the war in Alliance and Empire territory with the thinning human population around here drove them this far north.”

“That’s great news.” Byleth managed a small smile. One of her burdens - helping her friends and comrades survive the brutal winter - had been lifted. 

“Yes!” Annette beamed. “No one will be cold this year!”

“Does this mean we’ll have to cancel our winter festival?” Mercedes asked.

For whatever reason, they looked to Byleth for an answer. She found the gesture sweet, that they still looked to her for guidance or permission for things she was barely involved in. 

She already knew her answer, yet still scanned their faces. Annette and Mercedes begged with their eyes, and she resisted chuckling at their collective adorable nature. Ashe was beginning to regain his strength, seeming to just notice the other people present. It wouldn’t be long before he’d realize the awkwardness of the situation he’d just barged in on. 

Sylvain looked to her curiously. She and Felix had practically cursed holiday traditions earlier, though Byleth had nothing against holidays or celebrations themselves. He was scanning her to see if she’d prioritize fun or practicality.

Well, why not both?

Finally, she turned to the man beside her. Felix waited for her reaction as well, though he’d probably only taken in half of the conversation. The flush of his cheeks had begun to subside, and he shot her a half-smile with folded arms. He knew the answer she was about to give, and was savoring the wait as much as she was.

“Of course not.” She could practically feel the collective sigh and smiled before facing the rest of her audience. “There are plenty of hands looking for busy work. I don’t see why we can’t handle both. Marianne is good with animals, so I’ll appoint her to lead.”

“We should clear a pasture for them, so they’ll know where a safe place is,” Annette added.

Ashe just laughed, seemingly still in disbelief of the day’s events. He definitely wasn’t the only one.

“Oh this is wonderful!” Mercedes clasped her hands together. “I hope they’ll come back next year, and the year after that! Imagine if it were safe enough to let children see them!”

“If they do, we’ll make it a-” the last word caught in Byleth’s throat, and her attention was immediately drawn to Sylvain’s smirk, somehow even larger than earlier. She swallowed and cleared her throat, looked to Felix, then back to Sylvain, and finished her thought, “-a tradition.”

Sylvain snickered, which confused everyone but the swordsmen. Felix’s flush quickly returned. It really wasn’t that hard to get a rise out of him, was it?

“Changed your mind on traditions, Professor?” Sylvain asked with his hands on his hips. “Could it be because some of them might work-”

“We got damn lucky,” Felix interrupted, letting loose his thoughts for the first time in this conversation. “You said it yourself: the war, the low population - that drove them here. Not your stupid mistletoe.”

“Oh, you took out the mistletoe!” Mercedes exclaimed. “You’re the best, Sylvain!” 

“Just doing my duty.”

“Wait.” Annette tapped her chin. “Did Felix actually kiss someone!”

Byleth had done her work to keep the attention off of Felix thus far, but now he’d thrown himself to the wolves. Even Ashe’s eyes lit up. Byleth couldn’t help her amusement.

“No!” Felix shouted and stomped off to gather his sword. No one stopped him.

Sylvain, despite the endless dancing on Felix’s thin ice, came to his friend’s aid. “Alas, even I cannot get Felix to kiss anyone.” It wasn’t technically a lie.

“What about you, Professor?” Mercedes asked. “Did you kiss anyone?”

“I’m not kissing anyone who still calls me ‘Professor.’” Also not a lie, since Felix hadn’t addressed her by that title since their reunion.

“Good point,” Mercedes giggled. “I just can’t bring myself to call you by your first name yet.”

“Yeah,” Annette said. “You’ll always be our professor, first and foremost.”

“Well, someone’s kiss brought survivability to the monastery, that’s all I’m saying.” Sylvain shrugged his shoulders and shot both Felix and Byleth winks from the back. 

Byleth could practically feel the heat radiating off of Felix, compared to the chilled falling snow around them. Luckily for them, Sylvain pushed it no further. Unluckily for them, the rest caught on.

“Felix, are you okay?” Mercedes asked. “You look like you’re catching a cold.”

“I’m fine,” he grumbled. “Just want to get back to training. In case you haven’t noticed, we’re in a war.”

“I suppose we should go count the herd’s numbers,” Ashe said, “and start learning how to use their fleece.”

“Oh! I’ll come!” Annette skipped after him. 

Mercedes eyed Felix suspiciously, not in the way Sylvain had, but like a concerned mother. She looked to Byleth, almost to communicate, make sure he takes care of himself , and Byleth affirmed her with a nod. Sylvain was the last to leave, simply offering the pair one last wink and a salute before closing the doors to the training grounds.

Being alone with Felix once more, they couldn’t ignore what had happened. Her exposed skin suddenly forgot all about the cold, and the supposedly fearless Ashen Demon couldn’t bring herself to look in the eyes of the man who’d kissed her.

“I should go, too,” she said. “I need to ask Marianne to take on her role and...other things.”

Felix was silent as she retrieved her training sword and hung it on the weapon rack where it would be protected by the roof’s overhang. 

Perhaps he was still as flustered as she was, or he’d lost his courage to act. Or perhaps...he’d regretted it all.

Before she reached the large double doors, however, a firm hold pulled at her wrists and spun her around. Amber eyes met hers again, with a familiar hungry expression. 

“Before you go,” he hummed, only audible by their proximity, “just know that I…”

He took a moment to search for the right words, his darting pupils betraying his thoughts. In the end, he gave up on talking and simply kissed her. Damn him for catching her off-guard again, but she wouldn’t hesitate a second time. She pulled her wrists free in favor for grasping his fur collar. Soon she felt his hands at her waist, and knew he wouldn’t retreat.

So warm. He was so warm, and suddenly surviving the harsh war-torn winter didn’t feel so improbable.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Spider-Man Movie Villains

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Spider-Man, Spider-Man, he does whatever a spider can. And what do spiders seem really good at? Amassing huge quantities of hatred and animosity! True to the wily arachnids that inspired him, Spider-Man has quite the impressive gallery of foes, one that I might say rivals Batman as the greatest in comic book history with how colorful, crazy, and creative they are. Even villains derivative of one another, like Hobgoblin and Green Goblin or Carnage and Venom, manage to carve out unique niches that help make them fun and memorable.

And thankfully, these qualities usually translated pretty well to film! I’ve talked about how good Mysterio, Vulture, Kingpin, and Prowler are before, so now it’s time to cover the others all in one fell swoop! From the Raimi trilogy, we have Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, Harry Osborn, Sandman, and Eddie Brock/Venom; from the Andrew Garfield duology, we have Lizard, Electro, Rhino, and Harry Osborn again; and leftover from Into the Spider-Verse we have Olivia Octavius, Tombstone, Scorpion, and that film’s brief take on Green Goblin! Oh, and why not throw in Riot from Venom while we’re at it, because he sucks way too much to get his own Psycho Analysis.

Motivation/Goals: A lot of villains are motivated by the classic motivation: revenge. All of the Green Goblins manage to have this as a main part of their actions, making them remarkably consistent and very easy to discuss. The Norman of the Raimi films wants to take out his anger at being frozen out of his own company, and his son wants revenge for his death, while the Harry of the Garfield films wants his vengeance because Spider-Man wouldn’t help cure him of his otherwise incurable disaease that would kill him (a fact made worse because Spider-Man is his actual best friend, Peter Parker, who is coldly condemning his pal to death). The only one who doesn’t really fit is the Spider-Verse take on Green Goblin, and that’s more because he has extremely limited screentime and spends all of it fighting Peter and being scary as hell.

Eddie Brock/Venom is a very interesting case as both halves of the character are motivated by different reasons. The symbiote half is, of course, motivated by the fact that Peter has tried to rid himself of it via using a church bell to kill it. Eddie, on the other hand, has the most absolutely hilarious motivation ever: He wants Peter Parker to die because Peter exposed him for submitting fraudulent pictures to J. Jonah Jameson. Eddie literally breached journalistic ethics but apparently Peter’s to blame for exposing his literal, actual crime! And he prays to God for Peter to die! This version of Eddie is cartoonishly hilarious.Finally, we have Max Dillon, AKA Electro, who is lashing out at a world that did nothing but belittle and demean him, giving him a far more sympathetic motive for revenge.

Kurt Connors is an interesting halfway point between the Doc Ocks and the villains above, because he is not really evil and his whole transformation came about for altruistic scientific reasons, as he tested his serum on himself because they were going to test it out on the public without consent. While the serum drives him mad, he initially only goes after those who were going to use his formula with people as guinea pigs.

Interestingly, the two Doc Ocks contrast each other. While both of them are doing evil deeds for scientific reasons, Otto Octavius is being forced by his tentacles and genuinely wishes to make the world a better place otherwise. Olivia, on the other hand, is a gleeful sadist who doesn’t care who she hurts as long as she can get some sort of scientific knowledge from it.

Sandman is interesting case because his motivations are entirely sympathetic and despite being the man who killed Uncle Ben, it was entirely accidental and he always regretted it. He only ever wanted to get money to save his daughter. It’s really hard not to sympathize with a guy who turned to desperate measures because the American health care system sucks even in a universe where a dude dressed in a bright red suit swings around New York.

Then there are all the rest. Aleksei Systevich, AKA Rhino, is just a criminal, and has barely any screentime to establish a motivation beyond that. This is especially hilarious because the ads really hyped this guy up, only for him to get maybe five minutes of screentime, with most of it at the very end of the movie before the credits (we don’t even get to see his final battle). Tombstone and Scorpion are basically just lackeys for Kingpin, with little established beyond that. Scorpion almost shows up entirely out of nowhere, just popping in for the fight at Aunt May’s house and then the final battle. And then there’s Riot, who just wants to start a symbiote apocalypse on Earth.

Performance: Willem Dafoe, Alfred Molina, and Thomas Haden Church as Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus, and Sandman in the Raimi trilogy are, in a word, iconic. Dafoe brings a gleeful, cackling hamminess to the Goblin that perfectly suits him and manages to steal every single with how delightfully, cartoonishly evil he is combined with some hilariously chummy moments with Spider-Man. Molina as Ock goes in the opposite direction of hamminess, where instead of making Octavius cartoonishly evil, he gives him this air of gravitas to the point where he somehow manages to make this villain with giant metal tentacles that are controlling his mind come off as sophisticated and serious as Hannibal Lecter. Church meanwhile just looks eerily perfect as Sandman, as if he were ripped straight from the comics and put onscreen, and then of course there’s how well he manages to sell the emotional moments of the character.

The Harrys are a rather mixed bag, sad to say. James Franco and Dennis DeHaan aren’t really bad actors, but they unfortunately have the problem of living in the shadow of the actor who played their dad (Franco) or being in a really awful movie with a terrible script (DeHaan). Franco at least makes up for this by being hilariously, cartoonishly evil to the extent of his dad in the third Raimi film, but DeHaan unfortunately falls rather flat. Topher Grace as Venom is a choice that seems baffling until you realize Raimi cast an actor like this on purpose because he hates Venom so much he didn’t want to give him any dignity.

Jamie Foxx as Electro seems odd at first, but I feel it’s actually a great casting choice, and despite how unbelievably stupid the script is, he’s actually able to do a fairly good job. If his character was in a better movie, he’d probably get a lot less flak (and he’ll be getting his chance soon enough, apparently). Overall, he’s the best part of the Garfield films. Rhys Ifans and Paul Giamatti as Lizard and Rhino are serviceable, but neither film they’re in really gives them much to work with. Giamatti at least gets to steal the show with his brief scenes by being an absolute ham, but Ifans is sadly a bit forgettable in his role (though not for lack of trying on his part).

Now onto the Spider-Verse ensemble! Considering how I gushed over her delightful performance as the Wicked Witch of Westview in WandaVision as well as the fact she is solely responsible for me resurrecting this series from its long hiatus, it should come as no shock at all that Kathryn Hahn as Olivia Octavius is just perfect. Controversial opinion, I know, might get some flak for this hot take. Jorma Taccone as Green Goblin, Joaquin Cosio as Scorpion, and Marvin Jones III as Tombstone all do well for what they’re given, but it’s clear most of the love among Kingpin’s henchmen was given to her (and Prowler, but he got his own review where I talked about how great he is).

Oh, right, Riot. I forgot about him. Riz Ahmed, who plays the human villain Carlton Drake I forgot to mention because he’s incredibly boring, is a really good (and sexy) actor. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get to be quite as good and sexy as an actor like him should be in his dual role. In an interesting subversion of how things usually go, he ends up being rather bland compared to the hammy, bonkers hero. This was Tom Hardy’s show, and no one was stealing it from him.

Final Fate: The Raimi films were all made during a time when, if your name wasn’t Magneto and you were a superhero movie villain, you were dying, a trend I’m certainly glad is finally starting to die off. Thankfully, Green Goblin manages to stick around and posthumously influence Harry, so in his case it’s not so bad. Harry and Doc Ock both manage to overcome the darkness in their hearts at the end and sacrifice their lives to help save the day, while Eddie dies after becoming such a simp for the symbiote he leaps into it while Peter is blowing it up. With Sandman, Peter actually has a touching reconciliation with Sandman at the end, forgiving him for the death of Uncle Ben before Sandman dissolves into dust and floats away on the breeze. And no, this is his power, not Thanos’ snap reaching across time, space, and dimensions; Sandman actually gets out of these films alive.

The other villains actually get off easier, as most of them go to jail. From the Amazing Spider-Man films, DeHaan’s Goblin and Rhys Ifan’s Lizard both end up in prison, and it’s safe to assume that the villains of Spider-Verse are going to jail alongside Kingpin. Octavius was hit by a bus, sure, but considering how popular she ended up being it would be really dumb to have that actually kill her. With Electro and Rhino though, it’s really ambiguous, the former because he’s made of electricity and the way he was defeated means it is possible he survived, and the latter because we never actually see the outcome of his battle with Spider-Man. If the film they were in was actually good and warranted sequels, we may have found out what their true fates were, but at the very least Electro is moving over to the MCU alongside Molina’s Doc Ock.

Oh, right, forgot Riot again. He dies.

Best Scene/Best Quote: I’m combining these this time just to make it easier on me, because in at least in a couple cases the two are the same.

Green Goblin has a lot to choose from, to the point where it’s easy to cop out and just say every scene he’s in is amazing. I’ve always been fond of his chummy chat with Spider-Man on the rooftop, or the scene where he terrifies Aunt May, or the scene where he attacks the parade and vaporizes the board of directors with pumpkin bombs.

Dock Ock is easy: the train battle. This might be one of the best action scenes in any superhero movie ever, and since he’s the villain in it, it almost goes without saying..There’s a reason this scene is singled out so often.

Eddie Brock and DeHaan Goblin actually have their best scenes also be their best lines. Eddie praying for God to kill Peter Parker and DeHaan!Harry screaming “YOU’RE A FRAUD, SPIDER-MAN!” after Spidey refuses to give him a life-saving blood transfusion are just so absolutely hilarious and memorable that you can’t hate them.

Aside from the powerful forgiveness moment at the film’s end, I think it’s really indisputable that the best scene from Sandman, and perhaps the Raimi trilogy as a whole, is the scene of Sandman’s creation. Words really can’t do it justice, so just watch:

Electro’s best moment isn’t even actually part of the movie, unless you want to count his rendition of “The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.” No, his is from a Tumblr post, proving definitively that Electro’s power can not be contained.

For Olivia, I’d say either of the reveals for her are great. You can go with the twist that she’s the Doc Ock of Miles’ universe, or the twist that she might have fucked Aunt May. Either way, you can’t really go wrong.

The rest of the villains… yeah, I’ve got nothing. At least with Rhino you can say his entire time on screen was fun, but the rest? Nope. They’re kind of just there.

Final Thoughts & Score:

Green Goblin

Where to begin with this guy? He is everything I look for in a great villain: he’s hammy and cartoonish, he can be terrifying and threatening when he wants to be, he has a ridiculous yet memorable costume, every word out of his mouth is hilarious and memorable, and he’s played by an amazing actor. It’s hard to dispute that Doc Ock is the best villain in Raimi’s trilogy, but Goblin is definitely the most fun. If you thought he’d get less than a 10/10, you thought wrong.

Doctor Octopus

Aside from Green Goblin, Doc Ock is Spidey’s most iconic and memorable foe, nd this adaptation of him does not disappoint. By making him a more tragic and somewhat anti-villainous figure and putting him in the hands of someone as awesome and talented as Alfred Molina, they managed to make such a cartoonish villain retain that comic book silliness while still being a legitimately imposing antagonist. I suppose it helps that a director who knows how to balance silly and serous like Raimi helps. It’s absolutely not a shock that the MCU wants to bring Molina back, because really, I can’t see anyone making the dubious doctor nearly as cool as the 10/10 performance Molina gave.

Harry Osborn

Franco’s Harry has an interesting arc, but one that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense under scrutiny. Frankly, his descent into villain is handled well but when he actually gets to be a villain in the third film, things fall apart.. But at any rate, he gets to be cartoonishly hilarious while he pettily ruins Peter’s life, so I think a 3/10 is warranted just for how goofy he is.

Eddie Brock/Venom

For the longest time, I hated Eddie Brock, but loved the Venom symbiote for its fantastic design… A design hampered by the fact Topher Grace keeps sticking his face through the symbiote and talking in his normal voice. But then one day I remembered Eddie literally prays to God for Peter Parker to die, and I realize that as crappy as this version of Venom is, he’s undoubtedly hilarious. A 3/10 mainly because of how hilariously bad he is, though the design of the symbiote is unironically great. Shame Grace kept sticking his face through and that Raimi hates the character.

Sandman

Sandman is a villain who deserved a better movie. Sure, Spider-Man 3 is fun and funny, but a character with this much depth and emotional weight deserved a film of the caliber of Spider-Man 2. At any rate, he adds a bit of class and dignity to the proceedings, and Thomas Haden Church really nails it. He’s a 9/10 for sure.

Lizard

Lizard is just a very boring villain, which is a shame because Lizard is not a boring villain in the comics and other media like the cartoons. I don’t really know if he was the best choice for Spider-Man’s first outing; I’ll at least give him that he’s a more inspired choice than doing the Green Goblin again, but that doesn’t score him higher than a 4/10. As boring as he ends up being, that library fight was pretty cool and had a great Stan Lee cameo, so I can’t say he’s the bottom of the barrel.

Electro

Electro is a villain who desperately deserved a better movie. While his backstory as a nerdy fanboy who got kicked around by the world is nothing new, or fresh, or original, Jamie Foxx manages to make the character work fairly well even though almost everything around him is unbelievably stupid. The fact he managed to make “Don’t you know? I’m Electro” sound cool and badass is a testament to his skill, and thankfully he’s coming back in the MCU in some way, so I guess Electro’s power can not be contained to a single movie. Still, this iteration only manages to get to a 6/10, because while all the elements of greatness are there, he’s hampered by the abysmal writing.

Rhino

Paul Giamatti certainly looks like he’s having a blast here. His attitude is almost infectious, but alas, his time is too brief to bring any great joy, and his jarring appearance out of nowhere at the end of the film certainly do him no favors. Still, Giamatti keeps Rhino from sinking any lower than a 5/10.

Harry Osborn

This Harry is just a joke. His arc makes no sense, his actions are unbelievable, and he ends up looking like a really poor Warwick Davis Leprechaun cosplayer. The only thing of note about him is that he’s a Harry who becomes the Green Goblin before his father, something that doesn’t happen very often, and that’s not enough to score this loser higher than a 2/10. Not even killing Gwen Stacy makes him any more impressive, and that’s a real shame.

Olivia Octavius

Olivia Octavius is widely beloved by just about everyone who sees the film.. myself included. This is just a really fun, clever twist on Doctor Octopus, and it’s the sort of character you really hope gets a Harley Quinn-level break into becoming an iconic character across multiple forms of media. Kathryn Hahn’s fun performance and the wonderful design and fight sequences really make Olivia a 9/10.

Tombstone

Tombstone is a villain you might actually forget is in the movie, which is a damn shame. He’s an albino black man, a badass bodyguard, and has a striking design, but he gets a single line of dialogue and is tasked with bodyguarding a man who not only has cyborgs under his employ, but who murdered Spider-Man with his bare hands. Tombstone ultimately feels really superfluous, which is a shame because around the same time Into the Spider-Verse came out he had a very memorable and well-liked appearance in the Spider-Man video game. It’s a real shame but I gotta give this version of Tombstone a 2/10.

Scorpion

Scorpion has a lot of problems of Tombstone above, but he makes up for a lot of his flaws by having a really cool and striking design. Does it really make him a great villain? No. He’s not particularly well-characterized and he’s really just there to look cool and give Olivia backup. He’s a 4/10 at best, saved from being lower only by his awesome look. Looking cool really can get you far in some cases.

Green Goblin

Out of all the really minor villains in Spider-Verse, this version of Norman might be the best. His role is tiny, only appearing during the scene where the Peter Parker of Miles’ universe gets killed, but his battle with Spider-Man is what sets the entire plot in motion. His cool and terrifying design definitely help make him stand out enough to earn at least a 6/10.

Riot & Carlton Drake

Look, there’s a reason I kept forgetting these guys. They’re not memorable in the slightest. Venom may be a fantastic work of art, but that’s because Tom Hardy kills it in his dual role as Eddie Brock and the Venom symbiote. Drake is just a boring corporate villain, the kind I hate talking about and the kind I’d only ever even bother mentioning in a review like this. And Riot is just a generic Big Gray CGI Monster for the hero to have a final battle with. Neither of these two are particularly interesting, and neither deserves more than a 2/10.

That’s it, right? There can’t be any more villains, I must have covered them all. Well, not quite. There’s one more character who is most certainly an antagonist and who I really, really want to talk about. And you’re absolutely not going to believe who it is.

You ready?

Psycho Analysis: Emo Peter

“Now wait,” you may be asking, “Emo Peter? Really? How does he count as a villain?” Well, as Schafrillas pointed out in his video on Spider-Man 3, Emo Peter is actually the antagonist for much of the second act. Peter, influenced by the symbiote, becomes a raging jackass and hurts and alienates everyone around him by being a colossal douchebag, not to mention how violent he gets as Spider-Man. This is very much an extreme case of the hero’s greatest enemy being themselves, because literally, Peter’s enemy in the chunk of the movie with Emo Peter is his own overinflated ego

Motivation/Goals: I mean, at the end of the day, it’s still Peter. He still wants to do the typical Peter Parker stuff, he’s just a jackass while he does it.

Performance: It’s Tobey Maguire busting loose and getting to act like an absolute doofus. There is literally nothing about this that isn’t amazing and I’m sorry if you can’t see it.

Final Fate: Peter eventually comes to realize that maybe the symbiote making him act like an egomaniacal tool is not a good thing, and so rebels against it, ultimately leading him to the roof of a church where Eddie Brock is praying for him to die and, well, the rest is history.

Best Scene:

Best Dance Move:

Final Thoughts & Score: Emo Peter has gotten a bad reputation over the years, but Schafrillas’ video really made me rethink why. As he puts it, Emo Peter comes off not as someone cool, but as what a loser thinks a cool person would be (which makes him still a loser). It seems fairly likely that the audience isn’t supposed to be rooting for Emo Peter or finding him cool, but instead finding him insufferable, ridiculous, and funny. We’re supposed to be laughing at Peter’s egomania, at his absurd and hammy showboating, not cheering him on and desiring to emulate him.

And that ultimately makes it more satisfying when Peter overcomes his ego and decides to rid himself of the symbiote. It might seem like I’m giving Spider-Man 3 a lot of credit here, but even Sam Raimi half-assing a movie wouldn’t leave things completely devoid of underlying brilliance. Emo Peter isn’t a villain in the sense that he’s some superpowered antagonist, he’s a physical representation of the negative impacts of fame and ego on Peter. This is Peter letting go of what makes him a hero and just reveling in being an absolute jerkwad to everyone around him.

I love the memes as much as everyone else of course, but Emo Peter is also a pretty clever symbolic foe. But even though I’m giving him an 8/10, we all know the real reason why he’s scoring so high:

Ok, but that’s it now, right? No more Spider-Man villains? Well, maybe for now. But don’t forget:

There’s gonna be Carnage.

[ficsilike-reblogged]

Sunshine City: Two

A/N: I am so sorry this took so long. But I do hope you guys like it. If you haven’t watched Kingsman: The Golden Circle, I would really recommend it. I’m pulling quite a bit from the movie for the first handful of chapters and I don’t want to confuse anyone. But if you have any questions, I’ll gladly answer them!

Pairing: (Eventual) Agent Whiskey x F!Reader (No Y/N)

Word Count: 4.1k

Rating For This Chapter: M for Whiskey being Whiskey, inappropriate hand gestures, lusting after your boss, and some dubious consent on behalf of Clara. tldr: finger-fucking a stranger to save the world :)

Read the Prologue and Chapter One!

Louisville was a quaint city—not that she would ever say that to a local. Ginger Ale greeted her as she landed at the airport and had filled her in on the goings-on at the main headquarters and how there was a strange set of explosions in the UK that landed on their radar. After hearing about the “blue” aspect of her and Whiskey’s latest mission, Champ had requested she come down to Kentucky and brief him in person, citing his distaste for mission-brief emails. Whiskey was tasked with keeping the New York headquarters running, as he always did. The lucky bastard. But it was fine. He had nearly strangled her and she still thought he was the most handsome man she’d ever met. 

Something was clearly wrong with her and maybe some time away from his face and crooked smile would help her stop feeling like she had something clawing to get out of her chest every time he looked at her.

(It wouldn’t help. She knew that.)

Their mission in Vegas had been a success—in a strange kind of way. After the men turned blue, she and Whiskey followed them through the club and carried the mission out—with one caveat. They grabbed a vial of blood before disposing of the bodies. There had been a minor shoot out with the suppliers but it was easily handled, too. 

Ginger Ale took the vial of blood and made it a priority to test it as Capri Sun went to Champagne’s office.

“Ginger will probably be able to give us more specifics when the tests are done,” she said as she finished her spiel.

“What do you think it is? What’s your gut say, Capri Sun?”

She wiped a hand down her face and leaned against one of the chairs at the long table. “Something’s going on, Champ. People turning blue? The explosions in the UK? All of it feels…off.”

Champ opened his mouth to say something else but his personal intercom buzzed and Tequila’s voice rang out. “Champ, we’ve got some stragglers on the tour. They’re lookin’ to get inside the cask vault. British by the sounds of it.” He paused. “They’re using some tech to get through our biometric scanners.”

Cap looked at Champ to see him arch an eyebrow. “Ten bucks says they’re here for Butterfly Guy.” 

“Bring ‘em in, Tequila. Real quiet like,” Champ ordered.

“Ya got it, boss.”

As the line went dead, Champ crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at her. “The butterfly guy, huh? You reckon that’s what they’re here for?”

“Three bombings at nearly the exact same time in the UK and the next day two Brits show up here, where we’re housing a one-eyed amnesiac spy? Yeah.” She shrugged. “Call it a hunch.”

‘The Butterfly Guy,’ as he was dubbed after waking up a little less than a year ago, was a fodder for a fair bit of gossip at all of the Statesman offices. It isn’t every day that a Brit, obviously involved in intelligence in some capacity, gets shot in the head outside a zealot’s church after a spike of low wave frequencies catch Ginger’s eye. The fact that he was obsessed with butterflies just made him even more of an anomaly. Agent Seltzer thought he was some sort of double agent from MI-6. Agent Absinthe thought it was a ploy from some terrorist organization to infiltrate Statesman HQ. She didn’t really care either way.

Champ huffed with a smile. “We’ll see, Cap.”

They spoke a little more about the Vegas mission before they heard the intercom buzz again—it was Ginger, quickly relaying that the British intruders did seem to know Butterfly Guy but were here for a completely different reason…supposedly.

She turned as she heard the elevator chime on the other side of the door.  “That’s my cue. I’ll see you later, Champ.” 

“Don’t go too far, now,” he said as she started to walk away. “Whiskey’ll probably need ya when I talk to him about Vegas in a minute.”

She nodded and let herself out, dodging Tequila’s swat that he aimed at her shoulder. Tequila had been the man in the alley all those years ago. He was friendly and sweet, if not a little brash, and she considered him a friend. But the other man at Tequila’s side caught her eye. He looked her over with a critical and quizzical gaze before the Statesman agent all but shoved him into the room and the door slapped shut behind them. Her phone quickly ate all of her attention as she brought up the cameras the doggy daycare had set up throughout their shop so owners could check on their dogs. Bela was currently gnawing on a tennis ball as a golden retriever licked at his ear.

She hated leaving him alone so much. Hated it. He was such a good boy and she loved him so much that she actually asked Champ if she could bring him to Kentucky whenever she came down.

It was a firm no—apparently Tequila had accidentally let loose his fleet of basset hounds in HQ a year before she joined and Champ had to instate a no-pets policy because of the damage they caused. It was a shame, really. She thought Champ would really like Bela.

She checked her email, too, responding to Agent Grenadine’s plea for help. She was a newer agent and still needed a bit of guidance when it came to the more finite details of missions. Whiskey had slept with her within a week of Grenadine being assigned to the New York office. He never waited long, it seemed. And she didn’t really blame him—Grenadine was young and beautiful and vivacious. And always “down for a night of fun with no strings” as she had so eloquently put it. Perfectly Whiskey’s type.

And why was she thinking about that right now?

She shook off the thought and rubbed at her eyes before she pocketed her phone.

The door opened and Tequila came out with a huff.

“The Brits getting on your nerv-” The words stalled in her throat as she saw the blue crawling up his neck and across his face. It was exactly like what she had seen on the targets in Vegas. “Tequila? Oh my god.” Her hands reached out to touch him and winced as he all but crumpled into her grip. “What is happening? What did you do?”

“I-I…fuck, Cap. I don’t even know.”

Her thumbs brushed against his cheeks with a frown. “Go to Ginger. She’ll sort you out, I’m sure.”

Tequila’s smile was small. “I’ll be right as rain by tomorrow.”

Y/N nodded, not believing it, and watched him go with a sigh.

The man from earlier slipped out the door with a sigh of his own. His eyes found hers. “You Capri Sun?”

She held out a hand for him to shake. “Everybody calls me Cap. You’re Galahad or whatever?”

“Call me Eggsy,” he said as he shook her hand.

“Eggsy. Fewer syllables.” She crossed her arms over her chest as they dropped their hands. “Is there something I can help you with?”

“Yeah, uh, Whiskey says you’re coming back with us. He’s sending a jet?”

She groaned.

                                                       **

“I’ve got a surprise for you, Sunny,” Whiskey said as Eggsy stepped out of his office to make a call. 

She crossed her arms with a sigh. It had been hours since they landed back in New York and she was tired. They had been formulating a plan to meet ‘Clara,’ the ex-girlfriend of some Kingsman cast-off who had ties to The Golden Circle cartel who was possibly responsible for the blue rash. Clara was all over social media with her plans to attend the Glastonbury Music Festival. The fact that there was another independent intelligence agency named Kingsman was really the least alarming information she’d learned that day—apparently there was a guy walking around with a robotic arm capable of hacking entire security systems.

She needed a nap before they loaded up to head across the ocean in an hour.

But Whiskey’s smile continued to grow and he buzzed for his assistant to, “bring him in.”

The door opened and she turned to see little Bela wiggling like crazy in the poor woman’s grasp. His entire body seemed to shake when he spotted her and happy little barks escaped him.

She quickly pulled him into her arms and let him lick all over her face. It had only been two days since she’d dropped him off at daycare but he always greeted her like she had been gone a year. “Hi baby. Hi hi hi. Yes, I missed you, too.”

Her fingers pushed through his thick fur as Bela finally settled in her grip and propped his head against her shoulder. She pressed a kiss to his one ear as she smiled. But then it dawned on her: Whiskey had definitely witnessed all of that. A giant crack in the visage she had sculpted. Fuck.

She slowly turned to face him and scowled at the shit-eating grin splitting his face. “Now, what’s a guy got to do to get a welcome like that?”

“Be a one-eared corgi,” she replied drolly.

“C’mon now, Sunny. I had to call in a big favor to have Vanessa pick him up and bring him here without you. That doggy daycare has some stringent guidelines about who can pick up a dog, by the way.” He placed his hands on his hips and they cocked to the side as they so often did. But he was still smiling. “I think I should get something.”

She sighed and Bela nosed at the underside of her jaw. “Thank you, boss. That was very kind of you.”

“And?”

“And that’s all you’re getting.” His smile fell the slightest bit and she bit back a grimace. In truth, it was the nicest thing someone had done for her in a long, long time. Letting her indulge in a little time with her dog before having to fly across the world was definitely spoiling her. And her traitorous mind had to remember how broken Whiskey had looked when he had realized he had wrapped his hands around her neck. This was probably just an I’m-sorry-I-tried-to-kill-you-while-asleep gift. But it didn’t feel like that and she really needed to stop lying to herself or get better at it. “I really do appreciate it, Whiskey. I don’t like being away from him for so long.”

“You really love the little guy, don’t’cha?” He stepped forward and let Bela sniff his fingers before petting him. Bela’s stumped tail quickly resumed its body-shaking wags when Whiskey instinctively found his soft spot. “I guess he’s cute.” The teasing lilt to his voice almost made her smile again.

“Yeah, he’s my favorite.”

“His name’s Bella? Italian for beautiful.”

“No. Like Bela Lugosi. The guy who played Dracula.”

Hearing his name, Bela licked at her face.

“Never took you for a monster movie fan,” Whiskey said, continuing to pet her dog.

“My brother loved them. Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff—if they were in the movie, he made me watch it. But this little guy didn’t look like a Boris. So, Bela it was.”

“Your brother?” Whiskey asked, trying to catch her eye bet she kept them firmly on her dog.

“Yup.” And that was all the answer she gave, her heart a little heavy already. She hoisted the corgi a little higher and Whiskey pulled his hand back. “I guess I should get him back to the daycare before we take off.”

“Vanessa can handle it.”

She nodded and walked to the door and spoke to Vanessa and pressed a series of kisses behind Bela’s ear before the assistant walked away with her dog in a careful hold. Her shoulders slumped as she watched them go. “Thanks for letting me see him. I know you think it is stupid-”

“I never said that, Sunny.”

She hummed, filing away her small bit of melancholy, and turned back to face him. “So, why’d you want me on this gig? I thought you’d be able to handle a pretty girl at a music festival on your own.”

Whiskey opened his mouth like he wanted to say something before shutting. His broad shoulders rolled. He turned back to his desk and settled into his slick black leather chair. “I don’t trust the kid.”

“Eggsy? Why?” She thought him a little cocksure—but she also dealt with Whiskey on a near-daily basis.

Whiskey shrugged. “Call it an instinct.”

She settled into the chair across from him with a frown. “And you thought bringing me along would do what exactly? Stab him in the back before he stabs you?”

He huffed out a laugh. “Maybe.” The leather of his chair creaked as it leaned forward with a smirk. “Maybe I just think you need to let loose a little and a music festival can do that.”

Rolling her eyes at her boss wasn’t really an option so she settled for blinking very slowly. “That’s kind of a waste of company funds, boss.”

“You are absolutely no fun.”

“People are dying.”

“All the more reason for you to come along.” He tilted his head to the side with another smile. “Please?”

She let out a slow breath and mulled over her options. She could call Champ and say she wanted out. It would be the first time she handed over a mission to someone else and each agent gets one pass. But then she could never get out of another one again. And it was just a music festival. Right? “Fine. But only because one of my favorite bands is playing at the festival.”

His smile grew and it twisted her stomach. She shouldn’t let him sway her this much. But the surprise (and probably illegal) visit from Bela did soften her resolve. And maybe watching him seduce someone else would actually—finally—put a stop to her silly feelings for the man. So far, she’d avoided any and all social functions that would let her see him scoping out another fling for the night. And yes, it did make her a little bit of an outcast within the social circles of Statesman. But she was only there to do a job anyway. Save the world. Pet her dog. Go to sleep when she had the chance. She didn’t need anything else.

“I’m glad you’re coming along, Sunny. I wouldn’t have anyone else.”

Dammit.

                                                     **

Finding out that Eggsy was dating a Swedish princess would have been hilarious if Whiskey hadn’t insisted on picking Eggsy up in a fucking Bronco that had the most obnoxious horn known to mankind. Eggsy helped her put the VIP band around her wrist with a small smile. He was a good kid, she decided. A little rough around the edges. Definitely cocksure. But genuine.

She tried to focus on that and not how she caught Whiskey’s eyes trailing up her thighs in the rearview mirror.

She had dressed to blend in at Glastonbury. Tiny shorts, a fringed, low-cut top, and Hunter rainboots. If it worked for Kate Moss, it worked for her.

But the heated gaze she’d caught from her boss almost made her squirm in her seat.

Thankfully, they arrived at the festival grounds without too much trouble and she focused on the passing greenery instead of the eyes she felt on her skin. They spoke about the tracker and the need for it to stick and the two men, of course, made frequent innuendos about the size of their dicks as she tried very hard not to commit murder by bludgeoning them both to death with her rain boot. The music was thumping through speakers, songs overlapping from the various stages and creating a raucous thrumming as they approached the VIP bar. She watched the various attendees pass by. It really was colorful. Some guy was wearing a pair of leather wings and drinking next to a girl in head-to-toe tie-dye.

“I say we both make an approach. Whoever gets on best, goes for it.” Whiskey said. “Sunny will make sure the target doesn’t ditch us before we can plant it.”

Eggsy rolled his eyes. “Well, it doesn't have to be a competition, bruv. Why don't we just go up to her, shake her hand, pat her on the back. Whatever, you know. Job done.”

“The hand is not a mucus membrane, Eggsy. Neither is the back. They teach you anything at Kingsman?”

And she had to laugh at that, despite Eggsy’s absolutely offended face.

“What are you talking about?”

“We need a mucus membrane, Eggsy. Remember?” she supplied, trying to be helpful.

“Our trackers are designed to enter the bloodstream. They circulate harmlessly, providing full audio and GPS.” Whiskey’s pointer and middle finger curled and swirled as he spoke and she had to look away for a moment, knowing exactly what he was implying with that motion. Heat coiled in her stomach. Now was not the time to be thinking about getting finger-fucked by her boss. But the senior agent caught her eye anyway and winked as his fingers curled again and she would swear she could almost feel those phantom fingers. But, she set her lips into a firm line and his smile fell.

Eggsy’s jaw went to side as he mulled their words over. “Mucus membrane. That's like up the nose, isn't it? What the fuck am I gonna do? Stick my finger...” She watched as realization dawned on him. “It's not just inside the nose, is it?”

“No, Eggsy, it ain't. Fuck.” Whiskey shook his head. “All right, I'll take the first crack. Watch and learn, buddy.”

As Whiskey sauntered up to the bar, Eggsy sighed. “Is he always like this?”

She nodded, sagely. “Yes.” But her eyes quickly focused on Whiskey and listening in on their conversation. But her stomach quickly dropped as one horrible pick up line after another spilled out of his mouth. Did he really just ask her what band she was in?

Good god. How did she find this man attractive?

“Eggsy, for the love of God, please go rescue that poor girl.” She nudged him toward the bar and he all but dragged his feet with a scowl but it quickly morphed into a cocky grin when Clara spotted him.

She really thought she had saved the mission. Really. But then Eggsy was just as bad as Whiskey, it seemed, at picking up women. How did he manage to woo a Princess with those lines? It eventually devolved into both Eggsy and Whiskey passive-aggressively trying to one-up each other and Clara quickly had a hoard of drinks she didn’t want or order sitting in front of her.

She couldn’t roll her eyes hard enough at the two men peacocking in front of the poor girl and decided to salvage the mission on her own. She wedged her way between Clara and Eggsy with a sigh and ordered a water as her fingers plucked the tracker from his pocket. Her eyes slid over to Clara to see her already looking in her direction. Perfect.

                                                     **

It hadn’t taken long from the pair of men to realize they’d been all but dismissed by Sunny and Clara and they both retreated (Whiskey to the other side of the bar and Eggsy to the VIP entrance to make sure Clara didn’t leave) to spectate and make sure she didn’t blow it with Clara, too. But Whiskey knew she wouldn’t. Her records were clear. She never missed a target. He wasn’t sure what had thrown him off his game so much. Usually he’d be retreating to a shadowed hallway or an empty room by now with the target ready and wet for him.

Maybe it was the perfect set of legs he’d already spied. His Sunny always looked good. Always.

But she’d never come on a “tracking” mission with him before and he could feel her eyes on him the entire time.

Whiskey watched, a little entranced, as Sunny had the target eating out of her hand within a few moments—and then literally eating out of the her hand as Sunny pushed an ice cube between Clara’s lips with a giggle he’d never heard her make before. Her thumb dipped into Clara’s mouth with the ice and she slowly pulled it out only to lick the water from her skin with a smile.

Something definitely stirred beneath the zipper of his jeans.

Clara leaned close and let her fingers trail down Sunny’s arm as she whispered something into her ear. Sunny then bit her lip with another smile and nodded, grasping Clara’s hand in hers. Even from a distance, he could read her lips, “lead the way.” The pair of women slipped away through the crowd and Whiskey had to lean against the bar to hide what surely was the erection of his nightmares and daydreams as Eggsy walked up to him, a relieved little smile on his face. “She really saved us, mate. She’s a good one, ain’t she?” The kid settled in the empty stool beside him.

“Yeah, kid,” Whiskey muttered as he waved down the bartender. “She’s a good one.” He ordered a whiskey neat before discreetly activating and raising the volume on the earpiece so he could monitor Sunny. He knew Clara wasn’t much of a threat—not against the likes of his Sunny, anyway—but he just wanted to be sure.

The earpiece hummed for a moment and recalibrated before he caught the tail-end of some sort of whispered flirt.  “You’re so pretty for me.” There was a soft answering noise and then a shuffle, like a dress being pulled off. “So pretty.”

“God, you’re mouthy,” Clara said. “I love it.”

“Get on the bed,” Sunny said and he imagined Clara scrambling to do as she was told and then Sunny climbing over her. His mind drifted, for a moment. Was she like this with everyone she brought to bed? Sounds of some illicit act buzzed in his ears as he thought of her lips, her fingers…

“Look at you. So wet. I’ve barely touched you.” His Sunny laughed.

“Oh please,” Clara whined, high and breathy. “Please.”

Whiskey glanced at Eggsy to see him squirming in his seat. He tapped the kid on the shoulder and then snatched the earpiece right out of his ear. “The fuck?” Eggsy grumbled.

Whiskey just pocketed it and ordered another drink.

Clara was moaning now and there was a distinct wet sound that he knew all too well.

“Oh! Right there! Fuuuuuuuu-there!”

Sunny laughed again but it sounded muffled. “You almost there? Yeah, I think you are. Just about covered my hand—leaking all over me. You’ve made a mess.” Sunny sighed and the wet noise grew faster and faster. “Come on, gorgeous. You can come for me.”

The zipper of his jeans was becoming increasingly more cumbersome and he took a healthy gulp of the liquor. He shouldn’t be picturing her making those sounds. Shouldn’t be wondering what she sounded like with his fingers buried deep. Shouldn’t be thinking about what she would taste like on his tongue.

But he did. And it wasn’t the first or the last time.

Clara’s moans turned into a staccato of whimpers and groans that grew and grew until she wailed.

Sunny hummed—he could tell she was smiling. “I knew you’d be beautiful when you came.”

Clara panted and there was a soft sound of a kiss. “Your turn?”

“Mm, no. I just like seeing pretty girls come.” Another kiss. “But thanks for the offer.”

“God, you are just a walking dream, aren’t you?” Clara asked, all breathy and smitten.

Whiskey finished his drink and paid. The rest of the conversation between Clara and Sunny was a hum in his ears as he left the bar and Eggsy quickly followed.

“Think she can teach me her tricks?” He joked.

“Nah, kid. You either got it or you don’t. She just has it in spades.” He walked toward the tent but slowed to a stop just out of reach so as to not look like they were lingering. He gave it a moment, and then another. Sunny walked out of the tent with a smile and licked her fingers. Mission accomplished.

A/N: Welp. There’s that. I will try to have the next chapter up in less time than it took for this one to get published. Please tell me what you think!

Beautiful people who asked to be tagged: @spookyold-saintjm​ @honestlystop​ @paryl​ @fioccodineveautunnale

[netbug009]

I hope this is ok to ask, but what resources did you go to for lgbt things and Christianity? I’m afraid of believing the wrong thing and really interested to know.

Disclaimer: I’m not a pastor or a theologian. This is my personal experience that led me to where I am and ultimately y’all need to come to your own conclusions.  Well, there’s a lot of resources that discuss LGBT issues in particular, such as Q Christian Fellowship, which has a TON of articles and book recommendations on the matter, but TBH I’m gonna go slightly off track because I think there’s a more important discussion to be had here before I could begin to discuss that: 

Should Christians, truly pursuing God in their hearts and doing their best to obey Him, be afraid of making theological mistakes? If it turned out I was wrong about all of this, would my salvation be in danger? 

Are theological mistakes unforgivable sins? Because really, before I re-examined my thoughts on LGBT issues, that was the first question I asked - the first question I HAD to ask, or else I’d be terrified to ask anything else - and I firmly believe the Bible has a clear answer about this in Romans. 

Romans is an absolute SLAP IN THE FACE to Christian legalism through and through, the way I see it. 14:5-6 reads as follows:

“One person considers one day more sacred than another; another considers every day alike. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards one day as special does so to the Lord. Whoever eats meat does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.”

Think about that for a moment. Like, really think about what this is saying, because the American Christian church wouldn’t touch this with a 10 foot pole. Two Christians will come to completely opposite conclusions about a piece of theology, and Paul is arguing that as long as they are both doing what they do for God’s glory, not ignoring signals from the Holy Spirit, neither is in the wrong and neither should feel guilty. 

To make this all the more piety destroying, the theology Paul claims is subjective isn’t even some small theological squabble like what day the Sabbath is - it’s WHETHER OR NOT SOMEONE PRACTICES THE SABBATH AT ALL. You know, one of the TEN COMMANDMENTS? 

Suffice to say, when I started asking my fellow (at the time) Conservative Christians about this... they were not enthused. I ended up getting no-holds-barred flat-out SCREAMED AT by a close family member for simply quoting said scripture and asking what they thought. After they finished screaming they began to passively aggressively email me a bunch of videos that didn’t answer the question and was more often than not anti-biblical. 

When I started to distance myself from her, she started trying to use the Bible to claim I had to tolerate the abusive behavior because God had already forgiven her (although she never truly said she was sorry or tried to stop.) I found it funny how I was Hellbound for asking questions but grace covered any horrible thing she could possible do to me. We’re no longer on speaking terms and she is continuing to harass me to the point I am considering legal action. And all of this started because I quoted a scripture that kicks legalism in the teeth. 

And the fact is... the situation was the same when I tried to ask anti-LGBT Christians for their thoughts on the growing mountain of evidence that we might be mistranslating common “clobber verses” used to argue that a consenting relationship between two homosexual adults is sinful. More screaming. More covering of the ears and singing. No actual retorts. No logic. No answers. Being gay was just bad and if you questioned it you were going to Hell. Period. End of discussion and anybody who has questions as to whether or not this was really the hill Christians needed to die on wasn’t a real Christian. They didn’t care to discuss it. Didn’t even want to consider that they might be hurting people for no real reason. They were absolutely consumed by it. I used to be consumed by it. Even when I was so sure I was right, something always felt wrong in my soul about how laser focussed the church was on that particular issue. I firmly believe that was the Holy Spirit trying to warn me something was amiss about the whole thing, and I brushed it under the rug due to fear of excommunication and loss of family. 

I’m sorry that this isn’t the airtight theological retort of anti-LGBT Christians you were likely hoping I’d have, but the fact of the matter is, if we can’t say grace covers theological mistakes, how can ANYBODY have the audacity to say grace has covered them? 

If you think a mistake made in good faith is enough to destroy your salvation, why is only the theology of this one thing concerning you? You should be like... a pile of anxiety 24/7 about every single thing you think, say, or do, because we’re just humans doing our best and we’re likely to mess up what God wants out of us a dozen times a day without even realizing it. 

I mean, IDK about you, but for me... it’s a big book and it’s been translated a lot of different ways and there’s like 100 denominations who all have opposing opinions and I have two brain cells and just want to love people the best I can. And after a lot of soul-searching, study, and prayer I believe that being a Christian and being queer aren’t the mutually exclusive dichotomy I’ve been lead to think they were.

[tempestuous-cosplay]

just cuz

Ask me these probing NSFW questions ‘cuz I’m bored

SEXYTIMES EXPERIENCES

1. How many people have you had sex with?

13? somewhere around there.

2. Can you remember the names of everyone you’ve slept with?

if I try hard enough, yeah, but off the cuff, no

3. With whom did you first do the sexytimes? Was it good?

My first Bf, and hahahaha no. Not at all.

4. What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?

a close friend and i took MDMA and fucked for, like, 4 hours and it was lovely.

5. What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?

this guy i banged in collage who was just bony, small, boring, and ignored me after.

6. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve had sex?

In a tent? Or the time in a church.

7. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve masturbated?

I don't have any fun or interesting stories about that.

8. Have you ever been caught doing the sexytimes?

NOPE

9. If you masturbate, when did you start, and how?

around middle school or early highschool but it was very rare bc i didn't get much from it. But the first time I actually orgasmed was when I hit 22 and got on T. then jacking it became a regular thing.

10. Have you ever been caught masturbating?

My dad walked in right before I was about to get started. that was the worst.

QUEER SHIT

11. How would you describe your sexuality using only adjectives (describing words–busy, fluffy, squishy, etc.)?

weird and complicated but friendly

12. Have you ever been in a queer relationship?

a solid 95% of my relationships have been queer. Only 1 wasn't.

13. Have you ever been in a straight relationship?

Just one. Gross

14. How and when did you realise you weren’t straight?

the moment i knew it was something that was possible. so very early.

15. Are you out to everyone you know?

p much

16. Where do you meet queer folks to date? Do you find it difficult?

I don't really date. But I made my friends through cosplay and then by meeting their friends and it just keeps going.

17. If your parents know about your sexuality, how did they react?

They always knew. I never really "Came out". I have p chill parents

18. Does your best friend know about your sexuality? How did they react?

Duh. I've slept with a number of them.

19. Describe your first queer kiss.

Much better than my first straight kiss.

20. What’s the queerest shit you’ve ever done?

My queer platonic partner :3

LET’S GET PHYSICAL

21. Are you happy with your body?

happier than i was and on my way to making it exactly how I want. Tho i do wish I was taller.

22. What’s the raddest part of your bod, and why?

my eyes are very pretty

23. What do you do with your body hair (pubes, underarms, legs, etc.)?

I don't do jack shit. Im lazy

24. Do you have stretch marks? Where?

Some where my tits used to be, inner thighs, and my love handles.

25. Describe your nipples in too much detail.

theyre kinda lopsided bc of how they were reattached during top surgery. the right one is super sensitive to touch and its kinda painful bc NERVE DAMAGE and the left one is totally numb

26. (Vagina-owners) Do you have an “innie” (small, tucked-in inner labia), or an “outie” (more visible/larger inner labia)?

supper innie. I, like, don't have an inner labia at all. Its WEIRD

27. (Vagina-owners) Is it very obvious when you’re turned on (swelling, wetness etc.)?

Yeah bc my clit is HUGE now thanks to T. It gets HARD

28. (Penis-owners) Describe the size and shape of your penis. Are you happy with it?

its, like, an inch an a half long and really small :3. I like it

29. (Penis-owners) Have you tasted your own cum? Did you like it?

Yeah, its kinda tart

30. (Breast-owners) How does the size of your breasts compare? Is one bigger than the other?

Back when I had them, the left one was a lil bigger than the right one, but i had huge badonkers. Just MASSIVE. They were nearly perfect, but they were on me, so it was horrible.

SEXUAL FANTASY LAND

31. Describe your most unusual/taboo fantasy.

consensual non-consent in fiction. I don;t think i could do it IRL.

32. Do you fantasise more about real situations, or imaginary/impossible ones?

It fluxuates, but mostly its very fantasy.

33. Who’s the oddest person you’ve fantasised about?

The Devil from The Arcana

34. Do you ever find yourself fantasising absent-mindedly, or is it something you do on purpose?

it fluxtuates, but horny daydreams are common

35. Do you always fantasise while you masturbate?

sometimes, yeah

36. When you fantasise, does it usually lead to masturbation?

it actually doesn't more than it does.

37. Have you ever had sex with someone while fantasising about someone else?

nah

38. Do you have any celebrity crushes that you fantasise about?

Hozier has had more than one sex dream in my head.

39. Have you ever fantasised about something by accident, and felt weird about it after?

oh sure. thats p normal.

40. Describe your most sexy fantasy.

hah, no. THats too much to type.

KINKTOWN USA

41. How do you feel about BDSM?

im fine with it

42. What’s your most unusual kink?

probably being a living sex doll

43. In an SM context, do you prefer giving pain, or receiving it?

Im not the biggest fan of either but I would rather receiving bc im too scared of accidentally really hurting someone

44. Do you consider yourself to be dominant, submissive, both, or neither?

Im a sub leaning switch.

45. Describe your most recent bondage experience.

got tied up in cosplay for a photoshoot.

46. In a BDSM context, have you ever referred to anyone as “daddy,” “mommy,” or any similar term?

nope but i've been called daddy

47. Do you have a kink for any bodily fluids (pee, saliva, blood, tears, cum, etc.)?

cum, blood, and spit to a small degree.

48. Have you ever revealed a kink to someone and had them react negatively?

not yet tbh.

49. Do you have any kinks that you’re ashamed of?

nah, not really

50. How much money have you spent on equipment for your kinks (toys, whips, chains, etc.)?

OOF!!! A good several hundred dollars. Like...... its a fairly high number.

COME FOR THE QUESTIONS, STAY FOR THE SUBHEADINGS

51. (Vagina-owners) Do you ever squirt when you come?

I have a few times!!

52. Have you ever come solely from penetration (anal or vaginal)?

no, that I haven't managed.

53. Can you have an orgasm without your genitals being touched?

HAH I WISH but no

54. Describe how you like your genitals to be touched.

Nice slow strokes on my clit like a dick with some gentle rubbing on the lips.

55. How sensitive are your nipples? Does nipple play turn you on?

One is numb and one is very painful. So no.

56. Do you find it easier to orgasm with another person, or through masturbation?

Jacking it. I almost never cum with a partner. Sex is more for bonding than personal pleasure tbh.

57. Have you ever had an orgasm that you weren’t expecting?

A few times, yeah!!

58. Do you get off easier from rough contact, or gentle?

rough ish??

59. What’s the best orgasm you’ve ever had?

the few times ive squirted.

60. Did it take you a while to have your first orgasm, or were you an early starter?

took until i was 22

ORAL FIXATION

61. Do you enjoy giving oral sex? Why?

YES!! Its a good mouth feel.

62. What’s your favourite position in which to receive oral?

not sure yet.

63. Describe your oral sex technique.

suck and wiggle. suck and wiggle

64. Do you find it easier to give oral to someone with the same genital configuration as you (eg., you both own vaginas/both own penises), or different?

theyre about the same amount of effort for me.

65. Describe the worst oral sex you’ve ever received.

too much teeth.

66. Describe the best oral sex you’ve ever received.

I was..... on some drug or another, can't remember what, and bro, i mELTED

67. Do you ever simulate oral sex while masturbating (sucking on dildos etc.)?

rarely but sometimes

68. How sensitive is your mouth? Is it an erogenous zone, for you?

not much? but its fine

69. Do you like 69ing?

never tried, not super interested

70. Can you deep-throat?

anything smaller than 6" yeah.

EVERYTHING BUTT

71. Do you like it in the butt?

yeah but it takes a lot for me to be willing to do it.

72. What’s the strangest object you’ve had in your butt?

a phallic shaped kite handle (I was young and stupid)

73. Do you enjoy being rimmed?

sure

74. Can you take a lot in your butt, or just a little?

just a lil

75. Describe your most recent experience with buttsex.

I was, again, on drugs a little under a year ago and let my best friend pop that particular cherry.

76. Do you like doing stuff to other people’s butts?

im indifferent leaning on rather not.

77. (Prostate-owners) Have you ever received a prostate massage?

nope

78. Do you own any buttplugs?

nope

79. Have you ever had an embarrassing buttsex experience?

not yet, hopefully never

80. Have you ever pegged someone (ie., worn a strapon and fucked them in the butt)?

not yet

SHARING IS CARING

All questions assume you’ve done group sex of some kind

81. Describe your most recent group sex experience.

got one coming up in about a week? but an orgy at a furry convention.

82. Have you ever had sex with more than two people at once (eg., foursome, moresome)?

sure have

83. Have you ever had an orgy? Would you?

yup, and YUP!!!

84. Do you enjoy watching your partner(s) having sex with others?

ehehehe yeh

85. Do you prefer to arrange group sex beforehand, or allow it to happen organically?

both are fine!

86. Have you ever felt left out during group sex?

nah, im too sexy for that

87. Have you ever done a gangbang (ie., lots of people have sex with one person, but not each other)?

not yet but i WANNA

88. Have you ever teamed up with someone and given a double blowjob/double cunnilingus?

not yet :O,,,, WAIT!!! YEAH I HAVE!!!!

89. Have you ever been penetrated by more than one person at the same time?

not yet but god I wanna

90. Have you ever been ejaculated on by more than one person at the same time?

not yet

**BONUS DARES**

100. Send me $500.

[mistbornthefinal]

Madoka Magica Aniversary Analysis: Part 7

Facing Your Pain

We find Sayaka returning to her home presumably just after the events of the last episode. She tosses down her Soul Gem onto the desk surprisingly carelessly given that she just learned that it’s literally her soul. As she addresses Kyubey he’s just there despite not being in any of the establishing shots.

“You tricked us, didn’t you?”

Kyubey’s response is complete bullshit because, yes he did. Kyubey reveals or conceals information according to his own interests in order to manufacture consent. Even if he never outright lies in the process it’s still blatant trickery and deception. 

(pictured bunnycat being a dick)

Of course if anyone still didn’t get the memo he then places his paw on Sayaka’s Gem and makes her experience the unfiltered pain of being stabbed. In light of this scene it’s hard to believe that Kyubey is some kind of dispassionate utility maximizer. Regardless of what he might later claim about not having emotions it’s clear there’s some degree of sadism at work here and later on when he shows up to Homura’s house to gloat after getting Kyouko killed. 

In particular his deployment of violence as an “educative” tool when his logic is questioned by those it exploits is all to human despite Kyubey’s claims of being beyond humanity. 

He then tells Sayaka that it’s possible to completely shut out pain though he dose not recommend doing so. Which is clearly just him trying to push Sayaka into a worse place in order to put more pressure on Madoka to contract. What a dick.

(cue connect)

At school we see Sayaka’s desk has been folded into the floor of the school indicating her absence. We get a brief cut to Sayaka at home staring into her Soul Gem. Then we’re back on the #aesthetic rooftop with Madoka and Homura. Madoka askes if Homura knew about the lich thing and why she didn’t say anything before if she did. Homura says that no one she has told in the past believed her. Madoka then wonders how Kyubey can be so cruel.

Homura outlines Kyubey’s philosophy as she understands it. Kyubey does not share human values and as horrible as his price is it’s still small one for miracle. Even if Sayaka had dedicated every waking hour of her life to caring for Kyousuke he wouldn’t have gotten better. Yet still the cost of curing him was only Sayaka’s life. 

Homrua tell Madoka again to give up on Sayaka. Madoka reminds us that Sayaka saved Madoka and Hitomi’s life back in episode 4, it’s not in Madoka to abandon a friend especially one who put her own life on the line to protect her. Homura tells her not to confuse gratitude for responsibility (you’re one to talk Homura-chan) and again asserts that Sayaka is beyond saving.

Madoka asks how Homura can be so cold to which she muses 

(don’t cut yourself on that edge)

Meanwhile Sayaka is still lying in bed when Kyouko calls out to her telepathically. As they walk together Kyouko says she’s mostly gotten over the existential panic of “everything that makes you you is in this fragile Gem”. Having magic powers and being able to live as she likes is enough to satisfy her even considering the price (though she is still unaware of the true price of course). She restates her philosophy of living only for herself. 

The two of them arrive at their destination the ruins of the Sakura family church, the ideal setting for Kyouko to relate her backstory. But first she offers Sayaka an apple, because symbolism. Sayaka tosses the apple away and an enraged Kyouko lifts her up by the collar and threatens to kill her. Kyouko doesn’t like it when people waste food for reasons that will soon be obvious.

Kyouko sets Sayaka down, picks the apple up, dusts it off, and returns it to the bag. Then she starts her story which is show to us through a filter of non-diagetic puppets. He father was a preacher, a kind soul who only wanted the best for people. However his desire to do the right thing let to him preaching an unorthodox dogma. He was excommunicated and his family fell onto hard times. A young Kyouko couldn’t stand how know no one would listen to him (though current Kyouko admits that from the outside it must have seemed like he was trying to start a cult.)

(this is what scientologists actually believe)

So Kyouko made her contract and the next morning their church was filled with believers, and the world gained another Puella Magi. For a time Kyouko considered her and her father as two sides of the same coin, each working to save the world in their own ways. Of course then her father found out.

Learning that his new followers were there not by his words but his daughters magic broke his spirt and caused him to turn against his daughter calling her a witch. He turned to drink and ultimately killed both himself and Kyouko’s mother and younger sister. Her wish destroyed her family, because she made that wish without knowing what the person she made it on behalf of truly wanted. So from that day onward Kyouko resolved to only user magic for herself. 

Kyouko the asserts that hope and despair have to ultimately have to balance out. Something other characters will repeat even though it’s kind of dubious. Sayaka points out a hole in Kyouko’s logic if Kyouko is preaching pure selfishness then why worry over her. It’s clear that Kyouko sees her younger self in Sayaka and thus want’s to both save her and have her to validate how she has spent her life since she lost her family. 

(insert Always Sunny style title card reading: “Sayaka regrets her actions”)

Sayaka isn’t interested in validating Kyouko. Instead while she admits that she had the wrong idea about Kyouko she reiterates her decision to never regret her actions. Sayaka then asks how Kyouko got those apples, when Kyouko is unable to answer Sayaka says that if she can’t say than there’s no way that she can partake. She turns to leave, she’ll continue to fight in her own way if that inconveniences Kyouko she’s welcome to try to kill her again. Sayaka no longer bares the other Puella Magi any ill will but neither is she willing to lose to her.

As Sayaka leaves Kyouko goes back to her old habit, attempting to fill the void of lost social connection with food. It doesn’t seem very effective.

The next day Sayaka returns to school and tries to play off her absence, but when she spots Kyousuke she is still unable to approach him. After school Hitomi calls Sayaka for a one on one meeting at the cafe. There she lays down her ultimatum. Hitomi also has romantic feelings for Kyousuke but in honor of their friendship and Sayaka’s longer relationship she will allow her to make the first move. However Sayaka only get’s 24 hours after which Hitomi will confess her feelings.

That night once again Madoka is waiting for Sayaka as she heads out on patrol. Sayaka asks why Madoka is so kind to her as her own opinion of her self has recently plummeted. She “almost” regretted something today, when Hitomi gave her that ultimatum she considered what would have happened if she hadn’t saved her. She’s already given up on being with Kyousuke as since she is a “zombie” having a romantic relationship is impossible. 

This isn’t rational so to speak, rather Sayaka’s depression about not being able to live up to her ideals is effecting how she processes the revelation about what has been done to her body. To a certain extent she would rather call herself a monster than admit that she doesn’t have the courage to confess to her crush or that the idealized standard she set for herself is unachievable. Despite her low spirits she resolves to go kill a witch.

We then cut to the outside of a labyrinth presumably the one Sayaka is fighting in as Kyouko looks on. Homura joins her shortly and Kyouko says she isn’t going to interfere with his hunt, this is a Witch and fighting it is not a waste by her measure. She then notes that Sayaka is having trouble.

Then we cut to inside the barrier, and some of the most beautiful animation that Madoka Magica has to offer. Elsa Maria’s barrier is a world of monochrome with both the humans and the witch rendered as black silhouettes. This witch extends the religious imagery we had earlier with the only color (beyond touches of the girls image color on their outline) is the orange monstrance before which the witch prays.  

Sayaka cuts her way through the witches familiars, animal heads on ribbons of shadow but when she reaches the witch proper an entire tree erupts from it’s body to engulf her. Kyouko comes to her aid cutting her free and offering to take over the fight. 

Sayaka refuses and charges at witch again. This time she is heedless of her own injuries hacking away at the witch with savage abandon. 

It’s true.

If I just detach myself...

it doesn’t hurt at all.

Madoka begs her to stop (cue magia)

Welp that was EP 7. Extrapolating backwards a bit we can sort of see how for the past few three episodes how Sayaka and Kyouko have arcs that are sort of inverse of each other. In EP 5 both of them them aspire to fill the narrative and physical space that was left when Mami died. Kyouko at first sells herself as the veteran magical showing the newbies the ropes while Sayaka swears herself to upholding the image that Mami projected to cover her loneliness. The two move to clash in ep 6 but the revelation of a part of Kyubeys system that neither of them (or Mami) was aware of shocked both to their core. 

With their foundations shaken Kyouko attempts to reach to the girl she tried to kill who reminds her so much of her old self, opening up and sharing her trauma in the hopes that Sayaka can validate her philosophy. To hope the two of them can find some mutual solace in their failure of their old dreams. It’s not to be however as though Sayaka gives up her anger at Kyouko she rejects the possibility of connection. Instead she chooses to accelerate her downward spiral by doubling down on her desire to live up to her idealized image. Now Sayaka is in freefall and next episode we find out what happens when a Puella Magi hits rock bottom.

[gamergirluprising]

Alastor’s Possible Backstory, Emotional, And Mental State.

Okay, so, I find Alastor from Hazbin Hotel one of the few characters that interest me due to his sheer mysterious aura. He has a lot of secrets and I’d like to dissect this man down to his mannerisms, his beliefs, his (low-key/high-key?) pessimistic view of life, and his use of voodoo. I personally am not a fan of the said show since it’s pretty vulgar and hasn’t caught my attention due to the possible problems I see in the show (Why the heck did the God in this universe allow a hierarchy to take place AND give people superpowers by turning them into magical animals and such? Why did he even make a Hell?) 

But anyway, I’m not here to discuss my likes and dislikes about the show, I'm here to discuss the Radio Demon and what could have possibly happened in his life as a child to start this craziness and explain his complex personality, mental state, and emotional state. Alrighty with that being said, LET’S DISSECT!

ＭＥＮＴＡ L~𝓔𝓜𝓞𝓣𝓘𝓞𝓝𝓐𝓛 ~BEGINNING

Dude’s got a mental problem fam, and I'm not saying this just cause this man’s teeth are as yellow as Bill Cipher’s entire existence. No, no, no this man is crazy for not just his unhinged need to see other’s fail and to have utter and complete control(Will tackle later) he’s crazy for his huge narcissistic behavior. Dude, Honestly thinks he’s better than everyone and ONLY allows those he thinks are worthy into his “friend” circle. I quote friend because I’m not too sure how exactly and deeply he feels about Rosie aside from their relationship being like Jack and Mary from Mary Poppins Returns, as stated by Vivzie on twitter. He finds those who don’t always smile as people who are WEAK and LAUGHABLE and regardless of how they are, he still finds them to be weak, which BY GOD is such a flawed way of thinking GEEZ. Now after reading about Alastor and becoming more intrigued, I decided to do research on his behavior and when and how it starts. 

𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐬𝐦 has 9 defining traits. I’ll go over a few that I’ve noticed.

1. He really thinks he’s more important than anyone else and has shown this through his mannerisms, the way he speaks, his vibe and just his general character scream “I’m better than you!”

2. HE LOVES SHOWING OFF! Dude can’t seem to get enough of the spotlight, thus why he LOVES to broadcast his carnage on the radio! Why else would he do so!? He finds constant admiration and respect when he does his “little” display of power!

3. Now, we ALL know he has done some pretty...gruesome things to claim strength and be seen as the strongest, even when there are others who are stronger he displays himself as if he is more dominating and wouldn’t waste his time with, how you say, vermin. This is evident by his response to Vox

You can find where I found this here at Faustisse’s cleanup and Inking vid of the upcoming Alastor Comic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_15UYpcWJ_Q

In case it is too hard to read due to the bad quality, Alastor is saying “Show off all that and no cattle.” which is pretty much  “all hat, no cattle” (or, alternately, “big hat, no cattle”) which refers to someone who is all talk with no action, power, or substance behind his/her words. I’d applaud this power move, and still kinda do, if it weren’t for this dudes BIG HEAD lol.

BUT, you get the point, the dude is an egomaniac! “We already knew this, I mean DUH!” you say to me pinching the bridge of your nose. “Why do you point out the obvious?!”

Well, notice how severe and prevalent these traits are. Don’t you find it odd how this dude has SEVERE megalomania? Well, I did research and found out that Narcissism has a very sad connection most of the time and affects males more than females.

at https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/causes-of-npd here’s what I found

Notice the parental factors during early childhood are all abuse-related. This could very well be one, if not the main reason, why Al is the way he is: He was abused as a child! And to make matters worse, as I was looking deeper into this, I noticed that sexual abuse is ANOTHER factor, which would explain why Alastor doesn’t like being touched without consent or by surprise but will GLADLY invade other’s personal space to feel in control (He's a hypocrite like that). Sexual assault victims ALSO don’t like being touched without consent so this just adds more proof to my claim! And serial killers tend to have a rough family life and have been molested, taken advantage of, neglected, or all of the above! 

It’s also come to my attention that Alastor enjoys talking with women more than men for 2 reasons. 1) Alastor finds it easier and more enjoyable to talk with women. 2) He finds men to be dumb brutes at least in hell.

I give COMPLETE CREDIT to @dollymoon

Thank you for the awesome amount of facts you’ve provided! RESPECT! https://www.tumblr/dollymoon

Alastor most likely has a very harsh grudge against the world due to his treatment as a young child. His abuse, and possible loss of his mother growing up, lead to him finding joy in seeing those suffer and fail EVERY SINGLE TIME! Notice the way he talks creepily to Charlie about watching sinners “Repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pits of F A I L U R E.” Look at this man’s face as he’s saying this! The man looks turned on with the VERY fact of people suffering, that’s his kink, y’all, he a damn sadist! (No, being asexual doesn’t mean you can’t have kinks, I’ve checked, lol. Got you fam.) Ima kink shame the hell out of this man (Pun-unintended) 

Ahem, anyway, this dude has got a hate boner for the world and finds relief when exacting pain on others because he feels wronged and feels the world is to blame. He does seem to acknowledge and accept that where he’s at is the end of the road for those who want to change, their chance was when they were alive, and has accepted that this is the natural order of things and they can’t fix that. I had this vibe that he must have gone to church as a kid due to his mom being religious and he loved his mom so he obeyed, Has been stated by Faustisse that he’s a mama’s boy, BUT remember, Vivzie said anything that comes out of HER mouth is what’s canon. Unless she has already stated it as fact any other info can’t be trusted. (Even though this info is PAINSTAKINGLY clear just by him mentioning his mother’s cooking and it just makes too much sense, lol.)

So he must have grown up to be low-key violent but with manners like he practiced being slick and suave in order to trick people into trusting him so that he may kill them without getting caught, which would work perfectly with him not chasing people due to his moral code. He practiced and practiced and seeing as how he was well-off in his later years, I’d assume he started doing his radio schtick when he was in his early 20s or at the age of 18. So he began when the roaring 20s was just starting, a new beginning for him! 

Alastor's name means "he who does not forget", "avenger", "persecutor", "tormenter", "one who suffers from divine vengeance".

(This also makes me think his real name is Alexander/Alexandre since it's the exact opposite of his Hell-Name and more interestingly, in terms of name-giving traditions, between the latter half of the Spanish period (1790-1803) and the beginning of Jim Crow Segregation (1893-1964), gallicized names of classical Greek and Roman origins dominated in Loiusiana. This may be due, in whole, or in part, to the fact that New Orleans had North America’s (excluding Central America and the Caribbean) first Opera Houses and Theatres, owned, frequented and operated by Creoles from Louisiana, Cuba and Saint-Domingue/Haiti. Adonis is my second choice since It literally means "handsome man" and that would totally fit him for his handsomeness to the fact I feel that his mom would def name him this outside of Alexander/Alexandre.) http://www.mylhcv.com/common-creole-names-for-males/

This is a HEAVY hint to what happened in his life and why he’s so drawn to seeing people fail and helps hold my theory together quite a bit, if not a lot. Of all the names to give this dude, he was given a name that legit is on par with the word “Vengeance” and “Avenger”. Vengeance for what? Avenge who? He was wronged. He possibly is angered also by the death of his mother, who was most likely his ONLY ray of light. He is a broken man who most likely has insecurities, based on the info of narcissism which tells us that narcissistic people are the most insecure sorts of people. Alastor is aware of this and sees it as a weakness, something to be culled and hidden from the world never seeing the light of day. His only way of making himself feel stronger and more in control was through voodoo and cannibalism. Many Cannibals believe to be the bees-knees since they go a step FURTHER into crime by devouring their victims and placing themselves into a rank different and more feared by the rest. They see that no one else would even have the balls to attempt to reach that spot, which again leads back to the way Alastor thinks. He just adds oil to the fire when doing voodoo and doing BLOOD RITUALS which you can see him doing when attacking Sir Pentious!  https://twitter.com/hntrgurl13/status/1197918059836690433?s=20

Dude has so much baggage that he hides behind a smile he thinks ALONE brings strength like niBBa are you serious? I’d like to see this man try and say that to the faces of strong people like Superman, Goku, Midoriya, Naruto, Broly, Wonder Woman, GOD. Yo even GOD shows emotions. Wanna know why these beings are strong? It ain’t just cause they smile, Nah, it’s cause they’re determined or the very literal embodiment of determination. they have a damn balance and that strength helps them smile through the pain, they don’t need to exhibit a smile to be strong cause them being themselves and having the strong mentality is what gives them strength, not a damn smile. Watch Charlie hit him with the good old reality check when the man attempts to freaking take over her joint (Both hotel and hell) and she proves strength ain’t just gained through smiling or dominating others. He high-key sounds weak for even having that mindset, only weaklings think like this. He has a very weak view of life which brought forth a monster, or should I say DEMON.

Here’s the info of him not liking being touched.

I’d also like you guys to keep in mind that Vivzie has stated that none of the characters have split personalities, proving Al knows EXACTLY what he's doing.

It’s all them but some have a DUALITY to them. As hinted at by the word "dual" within it, duality refers to having two parts, often(but not always) with opposite meanings, like the duality of good and evil. If there are two sides to a coin, metaphorically speaking, there's a duality. Notice how Alastor also has a duality in him. What kind tho? Remember those shadows that follow him everywhere? Yeah I'm pretty sure those shadows represents his duality in some way, shape, or form.

I also forgot to add that Masochism and Sadism both ALSO stem from the same things Narcissism does or similar things like being sexually abused as a kid. Remember not all cases are the same, I just wanted to put that out there (Not sure If Al is still a Masochist since that’s old info from him being just a deer and liked it when people tried to kill him.)

So in conclusion:

-Dude was possibly abused as a child by his Father

-he hates society/the world due to his terrible child life

-He possibly feels shame for what he has done and thus has accepted his fate

-He loves his mama and MOST LIKELY hates his father who probs is the one who did him a terrible service for just being his father growing up, this would explain his view on men as well

-He also feels shame for being so weak to even allow his father or any male figure to do what they did to him

-Man gets turned on when seeing people like sinners suffer.

KEEP. IN. MIND. None of this excuses his terrible behavior and excuses for being so power-hungry, He’s an interesting character and I love his quirks but he is by no means a victim without faults. He is a product of society and that’s sad but he needs to pay for his horrible actions. Cannibalism is going to far, using you and your victim’s blood for voodoo isn’t excusable, and just killing someone for the sake of vengeance won’t make the pain go away, so nothing he does that involves harming people is cute or a way to suppress his anger, which he’ll have to learn the hard way in this story, I bet. Hopefully, it’s done well cause he’s still very much a bad guy regardless of the fact that he is aiding charlie.

WHEW, that was a long post, one of my longest ones! I really wanted to write out my thoughts on this character cause I’m ALWAYS intrigued by the mystery characters like him withhold. They tend to have hints to their behavior and it was really fun traveling through the possibilities of his nature. I’m probably 100% wrong about all of what I said since I am still not sure about everything and I researched as much as I could. I wouldn’t have had such an easy time if it wasn’t for @dollymoon and their amazing efforts to inform the community, y’all crazy but y’all dedicated so respect. I am not part of the community so I wouldn’t have been able to pinpoint all the info and more. So this is my piece on Alastor the Radio Demon, a.k.a dude who looks like he’s taken ecstasy. 

P.S

-Why is this man wearing a torn up and ragged jacket when he can easily make himself a better freaking jacket? The man wore a one that was fresh as hell during his reprise, so what gives?! and why in God’s name is his damn teeth yellow? How you gonna say “You're never fully dressed without a smile” but got on one of the dirtiest smiles I’ve ever freaking seen? I'd rather not smile and be strong than to wear my clothes at its dirtiest(his smile I mean). Ain’t no way in the fresh hell would I invite an edgy radioman, who I know does voodoo, into my damn house, I am too black/Haitian for that bull.

-Y’all finna tell me why y’all falling for a man who canonically has stank breathe...?

At least clean his damn teeth and give him a mint first, D A M N people!

again, thank you very much @dollymoon

but yeah, that’s my theory y’all, hope you enjoy and sorry for the constant repetition in here! DISSECTION OVER. . .