#why do i say gay when i mean pansexual

[sexy-sapphic-sorcerer]

1: Magic is a Metaphor < 2: Morgana is a Lesbian < 3: Merlin is Gay > 4: Arthur is Bi

Again with the whole metaphor thing, Merlin's entire character is about having to hide his identity and wishing that he could be free to be himself so that he wouldn't have to lie about how much Arthur means to him. So that's all very gay, but he's also just very queer-coded generally. There are so many jokes about him being more effeminate or wearing women's clothing, most notably in this episode where he dresses in full drag and then takes the opportunity to shamelessly flirt with Arthur. Unhinged.

Basically every other character seems to just assume that he's gay, at least towards the end, because Gaius and Arthur are in utter disbelief that Merlin would be 'seeing a girl'. And of course he isn't, he's actually sneaking around with that druid guy, leading Arthur to question how courting a girl would leave him 'walking with a limp.'

I also think it's very interesting how often Merlin has to pretend to be attracted to women to avoid people discovering his secret, like with Gwen in Series 1 or Morgana in Series 2. Or this scene, where Gwen and Merlin are the only people not affected by the Lamia's seduction charm and they're trying to figure out why. And Merlin says, 'it doesn't affect you because you're a woman'. And firstly, Gwen is like, 'so what?' So, bisexual queen. And then Merlin says, "it only affects men," and Gwen says, "so then why haven't you fallen under her spell?" And Merlin is just like, 'oh shit, I don't know. I can't think of any reason why I wouldn't be seduced by a woman.'

Now, you might be saying, "but Merlin is attracted to women! what about that one female love interest he had for literally one episode who immediately died?" Oh, you mean:

I'm sorry to all of the Freylin shippers out there, but this was so clearly just the writers' last-ditch attempt to make Merlin straight. If you think about it, Freya also 'has magic' if you catch my drift, and that is the only thing that she and Merlin have in common, and the only thing that they talk about. And if you look at their dialogue out of context, it really doesn't seem like it's magic that they're talking about. It's just gay/lesbian solidarity. Also, never forget when Colin Morgan accidentally referred to Merlin's potential love interests as "him or her." So who else could he have been thinking of?

Merlin definitely had a crush on Lancelot. From the moment that they first meet, he just keeps going on about, 'omg, isn't Lancelot so strong and brave and chivalrous? God, I hope he becomes a knight, he would look so good in a suit of armour.' And then he says to Gwen, completely unprompted, "so just for the sake of argument– Arthur or Lancelot?" Why are you thinking about that Merlin? Then that scene ends with Merlin and Lancelot getting drunk and stumbling home together and waking up the next morning having shared Merlin's single bed. So take from that what you will. I don't necessarily think that anything happened between them, not because I think Lancelot is straight, don't get it twisted, just because I think he's a fucking virgin.

But certified pansexual manwhore Gwaine on the other hand, oh they definitely fucked. And it's a very similar situation to Lancelot, Merlin's only flirting technique is just to find some buff guy who's just saved his life and be like, 'oh my god what can I possibly do to repay you? Maybe you could come back to my place and I could tend to your wounds and then we could go down to the tavern, have a few drinks'.

And it works. Merlin literally used his job as apprentice physician to the Knights of the Round Table as his own personal Grindr, and i love that for him. But, of course, these are just side hoes to Merlin's main bitch, Arthur.

You can deny everything else that I've said, but you cannot deny that Merlin was in love with Arthur. And don't even try to say, 'but it's just because it was his destiny'. Because, yeah, like that's any less gay. They're two sides of the same coin, destined to be together, Merlin 'uses magic only for Arthur'. Come on.

Also, it's pretty clear that Merlin cares about Arthur more than he cares about his destiny, throughout the entire show. But it culminates in this scene in series five where, because of very contrived plot reasons, Arthur has to choose between legalizing magic and saving the life of Mordred. And Merlin convinces Arthur not to legalise magic so that he will let Mordred die. He literally enables the genocide of his own people and condemns himself to a lifetime of suffering just on the off chance that he can spend a bit more time with Arthur.

And if that isn't heartbreaking enough, of course, every action that Merlin makes only confirms Arthur's fate. And after he very platonically dies in Merlin's arms, as dudebros do, what does Merlin do? does he go back to Camelot and live a full happy heterosexual life? Of course not. No, he spends the next one and a half thousand years just waiting at Arthur's resting place, waiting for the day that Arthur will be resurrected and they can be together again. What the fuck kind of Greek tragedy, Achilles and Patroclus level shit is that? That is fucking gay.

[exhelluvafan]

Helluva and hazbin hotel being made for porn is true given certain characters such as Loona: She’s 20 years old adult just so it’s fine for her to be depicted in sexual manner at merch and have porn to be made of her aping did shipped with adult characters when her role and personality is her being a stereotypical bratty teenage daughter

About this, I've heard rumors that Loona was actually meant to be 17 by the time that the Helluva pilot got released, but they aged her up so she could be sexualized in merch without anyone saying a thing, but once again, all this is alleged, so take this as a grain of salt. (This is also, allegedly, the same reason why Octavia hasn't received any suggestive merch of her own, btw, but take this as a grain of salt.)

Outside of that, why do you think that Ozzie became the big softie, buff, dom top daddy of Fizzarolli? Why do you think that Fizz and Stolas became defanged and became uwu soft babies bottoms, outside of being Viv's clear Creator's Pet choice (Stolas)?

That's because all of this is just a device that Viv can use to express her twisted, sheltered views of the world, while also making it clear that she has a very obvious problem of fetishizing and stereotyping gay couples, while paying little to no attention to the lesbian / sapphic couples and makes almost all the pansexual males in shows rampant sex deviants that'll fuck anything that moves, while making pan / bi women whores and disgusting individuals, clearly showing Viv's clear misogyny and aversion towards other women.

Also, not so fun fact: before Twitter privated likes, Viv used to like copious, and I mean, MASSIVE amounts of gay porn on her Twitter account, making it pretty clear that Viv doesn't see gay couples as normal relationships, but rather as walking fetishes that she can get off to, so her having a clear problem of fetishizing gay men couples isn't an unfounded claim.

[akookminsupporter]

Male friendships in South Korea are different than in other places. I think that's why people often mistake jikooks friendship with romance. Both Jungkook and Jimin have never spoken about being part of the LGBT community and have always talked about girls.. so why do many people believe they are gay and a couple? If anything, maybe they got together once but that was it.. there are a lot of Korean artists nowadays that support the community and are open about being part of it. If jikook were part of it, they would have said it by now...

I was about to go to bed, but then your ASK came in, and I felt like replying. It’s funny how so many jikookphobics decide when to use the "Korean culture" argument to prove or show that Jikook isn’t or can’t be real, but they get upset when others use that same argument to point out that, because of the cultural aspects of their country, the chances of it being real are actually high. I’ll try to articulate my opinion on your ASK in the best way possible and to do that, I’ll go through it in parts.

“Male friendships in South Korea are different than in other places.”

Men are men, whether in Korea or Timbuktu. And friendships between men even more so, so I’m not exactly sure what you mean by that. One of the reasons why K-ARMY goes wild over the dynamic between Jimin and Jungkook is because it’s not that common in Korea, especially when there’s an age difference between them. Now, this is something extremely subjective—it depends on the people and how close they are. BTS is a good example of that. While all seven of them are quite touchy-feely, it’s obvious that some members have their limits compared to others. Like I said, it’s subjective, so this argument is pretty weak in my opinion, anon.

“Both Jungkook and Jimin have never spoken about being part of the LGBT community and have always talked about girls..”

It’s frustrating how people like you use the "Korean culture" argument when it suits you but forget that because of that same Korean culture, if Jimin and Jungkook were a couple or LGBT, they wouldn’t be able to say it openly. Is your head so thick and your brain so fresh that you don’t get that Korea is still a very homophobic country, and if they were to reveal something like that, they’d become outcasts? Especially given their status right now.

They’ve always talked about girls… Okay, sure.

“so why do many people believe they are gay and a couple? If anything, maybe they got together once but that was it..”

People believe they’re LGBT and a couple because their dynamic points to it. Maybe people are wrong, but you honestly can’t tell me that almost kissing, giving one a hickey, or licking each other's ears are things friends or family do. It’s funny to see how you contradict yourself. Are Jikook LGBT or not? Or do you think they’re not gay but pansexual? Or maybe they experimented at some point together and realised they didn’t like it, so they went looking for female partners? Wow, anon, you sure know a lot. Tell me, were you their bed or something? Is that why you know so much?

“there are a lot of Korean artists nowadays that support the community and are open about being part of it.”

And here’s where I confirm I’m wasting my time, but well, I’ve got to switch my brain off now and then. Although I have to say, anon, if you’re like this all the time, damn, I’m really sorry for you. I’d love to see a list of artists who’ve openly said they’re LGBT and are still part of the mainstream industry—and no, Holland doesn’t count.

“If jikook were part of it, they would have said it by now…”

The ignorance, disrespect, and lies in this whole ASK are truly something (derogatory). I know you’re a troll, but my God, don’t you all feel ashamed of saying this sort of thing? Why do you do it? What do you get out of it? Trying to look more foolish? Because I refuse to believe that you lot feel good spouting this many stupidities all at once. I just can’t believe there are people so empty, bitter, and downright miserable in the world that they resort to this to feel anything.

[rius-cave]

Which sexualities do you think would Adam and Lucifer have?

To me Lucifer looks bisexual and Adam looks pansexual (Ik you think Adam was suffering from internalized homophobia before but no one can convince me that he is not that type of person who would say “a hole is a hole after all”)

Adam is homophobic but that doesn't mean he does not have homosexual impulses himself! Also, he is the kind of homophobe that is only homophobic when it's men but doesn't really articulate why. If you asked Adam why being gay is wrong, he wouldn't have an answer, he'd just say its gross, but if you asked him if lesbians were hot, he'd say absolutely fucking yes, he's that kind of homophobe y'know? (fetishises lesbians basically)

And then he has sex with men (Lucifer or otherwise) and enjoys it a lot but then still probably has repressed homophobia towards himself and still denies it for a bit. That's how I read him lmao.

Honestly? I'd go with bisexual for both. I can see Adam being pansexual but I do think he feels a different kind of attraction for men and for women. His attraction towards women is very... uh... comphet, you could say? Lmfao, like he's almost just "reciting" how he thinks he should be attracted to women, and then when it's men he's in a much more vulnerable and confused state (emotionally speaking), which makes his attraction more honest. Does that make sense? Probably not lmao. Bisexual or pansexual, either works.

[shinestarhwaa]

DAD!ATEEZ REACTION TO THEIR KID COMING OUT

Sorry I made these a little more specified some may have wanted to, but otherwise it'd be hard to write 8 different ones lol, so I made lil scenarios x

Hongjoong

''You have a boyfriend?'' Hongjoong asked with wide eyes. He stared at his son in disbelief. He was quite the typical 'straight' man, he hadn't ever noticed any signs before, but now that his son told him he was gay everything seemed to fall into place.

''I do, dad, I... I am gay. Like really, really gay,'' the son stammered. Hongjoong smiled and placed his hand on his son's. ''I cannot wait to meet him, kid.''

Seonghwa

Seonghwa teared up as he looked at his son, sitting before him. ''Dad, are you disappointed in me now that I've told you I'm gay?'' His son looked down and hid his tears. Seonghwa gasped and immediately shook his head.

''No, no I could never be, I'm just sorry you've had to struggle with this on your own for so long. No, I'll always love you, no matter who you love, I am here.''

Yunho

''Bisexual, huh? So you play for both teams?'' His casual comment startled his daughter, who was fidgeting with her jewelry nervously. ''Y-Yeah well, I guess so.''

''Cool, do you have a girl you like then? Is that why you joined the football team?'' All night long he asked so many questions out of love and interest, making sure she felt loved and understood.

Yeosang

''Wow, I had never... expected you to be a lesbian, sweetheart... This definitely surprises me a little,'' Yeosang said as he took in what his daughter just told him. ''I-I'm sorry daddy-''

''No, no, I am not mad... It's just unexpected,'' he said as a smile formed on his lips. ''Thank you for trusting me and telling me about it, love,'' he says as he kisses her forehead.

San

His son was in tears as he told him he was gay. ''Can you still love me?'' he had asked, body trembling because of the anxiety. San sighed and patted his head.

''Son, you know I'll love you no matter what. It's important that you are happy, and I don't care if that's with a man or a woman. Plus, I totally saw you kissing your friend on the porch so it's not that big of a surprise,'' he smiles as he pulls him in for a hug.

Mingi

''So...Pansexual? What does that mean?'' Mingi asked, curious after his daughter just came out. ''I am basically just... attracted to any... person, any gender, I don't care at all,'' his daughter said with a smile, happy her father took interest in it.

''Okay. That's cool, that's quite romantic actually,'' he grinned. He didn't make a big deal about it or anything and just let everyone get on with their day peacefully.

Wooyoung

''Sweetie, why are you crying? You know you don't have to be afraid to tell me anything... I understand it's scary to come out but you know I love you regardless of your sexuality... You're my one and only angel,'' he spoke with his sweetest voice.

For the coming weeks he'd never leave her side, making her feel loved and treating her like a real princess. ''So when are you going to let me meet your girlfriend, sweetie? I'll make sure to cook a delicious dinner.''

Jongho

''Son, listen to me,'' Jongho said as his son just confessed his bisexuality, shuddering in fear of his reaction. ''No one could ever take my love away from you, you are my son, I love you and I live for you, that's a given. Nothing is ever going to stop that.''

''I promise I'm still the same person, dad,'' he said as he cried in Jongho's arms. ''I know you are, you are my favourite boy, you're smart, sweet and talented and whoever you love does not matter to me, okay?''

Taglist: @anyamaris @a-soft-hornytiny @whatudowhennooneseesyou @star1117-archives @wooyoungmybelovedhusband @pyeonghongrie-main @woosanbby @dreamlesswonder86 @lemonhongjoong @babesindestroyland @changbinslovelylegs

[evenmyhivemindisempty]

how would the Holbrook characters self-ID sexually

Steve Murphy: He’s straight, of course! Why, can’t you see that he’s married? To a woman?? Frankly, I think even if Steve was hooking up with Javi on the regular he’d still compulsively self-ID as straight. And, extra frankly, if he doesn’t want to lose his security clearance, it’s a strategic move! But I almost feel like Steve’s conception of his own sexuality is… weirdly disconnected from actual feelings of arousal, in some ways. Sure, he’s not horny for Connie, and sure, Javi gives him butterflies, but he’s not one of those publicly out San Fran gay guys, so… he’s straight! He’s just… sometimes unsuccessful at it!

Donald Pierce: Pierce actively avoids self-identifying. I think he’s more aware than Steve that he’s not straight, but he also doesn’t want to admit to himself that he’s queer. And he especially doesn’t want the people around him to know! If someone asked he’d immediately prickle and demand to know why the fuck they’re asking, are they accusing him of something?! …I think the most he’ll ever do is sort of hum non-committally if Gabby or Val (after listening to Pierce stutteringly explain his attraction) call him queer or bisexual. Progress?

Cap Hatfield: Oh, period-accurate Cap will not self-ID in any way shape or form, beyond maybe a vague comment about how he doesn’t know what being a boy/man is “supposed” to feel like, or kind of tilting his head at prettied up boy prostitutes or women in trousers and wondering to himself if they’re girls/men now. I think modern Cap, with the language to describe himself, might ID as asexual and genderqueer if asked.

Clement Mansell: He calls himself heteroflexible, with a sly wink towards Sweetie.

The Corinthian: Ha, well, Holbrook calls the Corinthian pansexual, so I assume that’s how he’d self-ID! I can also see him coyly telling someone that he’s “indiscriminate”.

Eli Klaber: Ooh this one was the hardest. I can almost imagine him off-handedly saying he’s “got a woman’s compulsions”, and not really elaborating. Definitely a double (or triple!) meaning there!

Ty Shaw: Ty is absolutely the sort to declare that he doesn’t like labels. Depending on who’s asking him though, he might wink and ask why they wanna know.

Quinn McKenna: Quinn actually HAS thought about his sexuality, and by “thought” I mean “dissected within an inch of its life”. He’s sat down with a notepad and chronicled all the crushes he can remember since his voice started cracking, and their degrees of severity. He’s analyzed the rough percentage of gay thoughts that go through his head when he’s jerking off (10% pre-meeting-Nebraska, 75% post-meeting-Nebraska). He won’t call himself queer or bisexual, but he *will* tell you where he thinks he falls on the Kinsey scale. (It’s a 1.5)

[thecosmosproject]

IT'S PRIDE MONTH!!

Akko: Guys it's pride month! Yk what that means?

Amanda: Here we go...

Akko: Everyone needs to give me 10 bucks! Amanda you first

Amanda: Oh hell nah, I'm just as gay as you!

Akko: No you're not!

Amanda: I'm a lesbian dumbass!

Akko: Ugh, fine fine! Lotte give me 5 bucks

Amanda in the back: Why does she have to give you 5!?

Lotte: Sorry Akko, I'm pansexual

Akko: Okay okay, Sucy yo-

Sucy: I'm asexual and dating Lotte.

Akko: Okay who's straight!?

Diana: Hannah is gay, Barbara is bisexual

Amanda: Jasmika is bisexual and Constanze is non binary and a lesbian

Akko: Jeez... Fine fine, I'll go ask Professor Chariot to give me money

Diana: She's a lesbian

Akko: Professor Croix?

Hannah: She's gay too Akko...

Akko: Awe man! I wanted to get money!

Amanda: At least everyone in school owes us money

Akko: Oh yeah!

Hannah looking at Diana with a deadpan look: They do know that half the school is gay, right?

Diana: They'll know soon enough...

------------------

Happy pride month y'all!

I wanted to share my headcanons on every characters sexuality and who their partner is (aka my fav ships in all honesty)

Akko- Bisexual and Demi-girl/They are dating Hannah and Diana (However both Hannah and Diana aren't, they see each other more as friends then lovers. They have tried dating but they both didn't feel the spark)

Lotte- Pansexual and Asexual, she had a crush on Frank once, however she and Sucy began dating after they saved magic (they took forever to realize their feelings)

Sucy- Asexual and unlabled, Sucy doesn't like labeling herself, it's complicated for her so she rather sticks with saying she's dating Lotte

Amanda- Lesbian and questioning, she's unsure if she's gender fluid or demi, she's still figuring that out. She's dating Barbara and Constanze (She likes blue haired ppl fr)

Jasmika: Bisexual, she's known for a long time she's attracted to both genders and that they're both beautiful, she's currently single

Constanze- Lesbian and Non binary, since they don't talk a lot, most ppl don't know they're non binary or even dating Amanda. They like it like that, but if you ask they'll gladly tell you

Diana- Lesbian, she's known that she liked girls ever since she began going to Luna Nova, at first she was scared to admit it but she slowly started to accept it. People have thought she was dating Andrew and she straight up scolds them for thinking that

Barbara- Bisexual, she likes both genders what can she say? Her biggest crush was Edgar from Nightfall and Amanda (and now she's dating Amanda and Constanze)

Hannah- Lesbian, Hannah had a lot of celebrity crushes, making her believe that she was straight. However, when she began to talking to Akko more she realized that she was attracted to girls. She refused to believe that and was homophobic, but she later accepted it

Chariot/Ursual & Croix: Both are the biggest lesbians I've ever seen omg, and guess what? They're dating!

Anyways that's all, I'll probably post tmr a list of all my favorite lwa ships. So yah

Happy pride month!

(Also Andrew is gay and Frank is questioning)

[scribble-brain-aced]

for pride month, i have:

a list of how the hazbin hotel had their gay awakening. (or lesbian, or bi, or trans, or aroace, pan, etc)

Charlie: she watched Sleeping Beauty, the year after it came out. she looked at Snow White and thought “wow, she’s so pretty.. but also Price Florian.. wait.” because this was in 1938, she didn’t know what bisexuality was, but she knew and accepted her feelings, because it wasn’t a big deal to her. in the 1970s, she found the label for it— bisexuality— and thought “OH THERE’S A NAME FOR THIS, YAY!” and that was that.

Vaggie: when she was still alive, in 2010, a friend sent her a photo of a genderbent character from some TV show, and her first thought was “oh, okay, i see why everyone’s in love with them now. …wait.” she spent the next 20 minutes looking up female versions of characters and realizing “oh. OH THAT EXPLAINS SO MUCH” (based on my own story)

Angel: honestly, he can’t really say. he just kinda knew from the beginning that men were just hot, and he’d marry a guy if he could. molly just assumed he meant “yeah, men are just better than women” and went along with it, even though she personally thought both were radiantly beautiful. (she found out what pansexual meant in 1972.)

Husk: he has no idea. if asked, he just shrugs and goes “any hole is a goal, i couldn’t care less.” at one point, Angel just shoved a poster at him, Husk read it and was like “oh. i guess that’s me.” pretty chill reaction, just continued his normal day, but kept thinking “okay, wow, that’s ME.”

Sir Pentious: he just thought all people liked both men and women, but because of societal rules and whatever, they had to wait until they had a crush on the opposite gender. ..what do you mean thats not what being straight is. (he only found out what bisexuality was after he came to the Hotel and Charlie had a bi flag pin. he asked her what country that was, and she had to sit him down to explain the concept of LGBTQ+, and no, it is ABSOLUTELY NOT a mental illness, wtf, you’re fine, buddy, go be happy.)

Alastor: post-season 1, like three people separately wished him a happy asexual awareness week and he was so confused, he asked Angel to look up ‘a sexual’ on his phone because he couldn’t find anything at the library. (he was looking at the outdated library in cannibal town.) he read the definition, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day. if anybody heard muffled screaming and somehow-happy-sounding swearing, nobody mentioned it.

Vox: pfft, what? no, he’s not gay! he’s perfectly straight! is it gay to say that men are just as good at women? …Val, what do you MEAN ‘no but yes’? (Valentino explained the entire history of LGBTQ+, stressing bisexuality. Vox just said “okay, okay, hear me out.. there’s a whole month for them, right? their whole thing is rainbows? what if we paint all of our logos rainbow-colored? they’d buy it!” Valentino gave up, because Vox just COULD NOT comprehend what he was trying to say. but he keeps sending bisexual memes to Vox.)

Valentino: he just always knew. come on, everyone’s hot, unless they aren’t. even better if they can be exploited. that’s all there is to it.

Velvette: pfft, she grew up with social media, she’s known about this shit since she was a kid. fuck love, fuck fucking, she’d rather pester Vox into making cheesy garlic bread. the guy’s a bitch, but he makes good cheesy garlic bread.

Baxter: back before he and sir pentious became bitter enemies, they were both talking about.. whatever. at one point, they got on the topic of clothing, and Baxter— then Bella— griped that he hated how dresses felt. too heavy, too annoying, and it made him feel sick, anyway. suits were just better, not just because they’re lighter. man, he wished he were a boy. pentious asked if he wanted to be a boy in general, not just for the suits, and after a moment, Baxter excused himself quickly to go find something in his library, shooing Pentious out of the house. a couple days later, he came out, transitioned, all that. the only reason he doesn’t cut off his light-lure thingy is because it’s useful. other than that, he avoids looking at it as much as possible.

[remuslupinkinnie1979]

Some Emilute headcanons cause I'm obsessed

Lute - she/they (mean) lesbian

Emily - they/she/neos pansexual

Lute is VERY protective, if you even look at Emily the wrong way, you have a spear inches from your throat a second later

I hc that Emily is autistic, so Lute always carries noise cancelling headphones in her back (Emily often forgets them)

Lute loves listening to Emily infodumping about their current interests

Whenever Emily sees a homeless animal in the streets she takes it home. Lute thought it was adorable, until it got to the point when: "No, Em. We already have 5 dogs, 4 cats, 2 snakes, 3 turtles and a chicken, we can't adopt this lizard."

They ended up having a little animal shelter

Emily cried every time they had to give out a pet, but was also happy it found a new home

Lute listens to stuff like Metallica, Nirvana, AC/DC etc. and Emily listens to Melanie Martinez and musicals. They both love Queen

They watch anime (why? Because I said so)

Lute gets a lot of bruises and injuries during training and stuff, and Emily always insists to take care of them

This one is kinda dumb, but I hc that when angels blush their face goes yellow (cause they have yellow blood, yk) and Lute blushes A LOT around Emily (especially when they started dating) and Adam gave her a nickname "banana" cause of it and every time he caught them simping he'd be like: "You're staring, banana" (idk, I made it today at 5 am, okay?!)

Emily loves making bracelets and giving them to people (Lute especially). It got to the point when Lute almost had her circulation stop, cause she insisted on wearing them all the time

Lute is more scared of Sera after her and Emily got together, cause Sera is kinda like Emily's parent/big sister so Lute wants her to like her

Sera picked up on it and is very cold and serious around Lute, to not show that she actually likes her

Lute has anxiety/panic disorder and sometimes gets bad panic attacks from all the pressure and Emily always succeeds to calm them down

Also Lute has some major anger issues and is often like "I'm gonna murder the next person I fucking see, I swear..." And then she sees Emily and IMMEDIATELY turns calm and nice. Adam makes fun of her for it

They paint their nails together. Lute always gets black and Emily never can decide what to pick (xe ends up with multicolour nails)

Sometimes when they're talking/flirting and Adam is in the background he would do some stupid shit to ruin the moment, like:

Emily: You look nice today... Pretty much like every day

Lute: *blushes* You think?

Adam: *Fake sexual/puking noises in the background*

They often go on dates on Earth (they love cinema, concerts and Disneyland)

Sometimes on Earth people would give them dirty looks or throw slurs at cause they're gay and Lute would be like cracking her knuckles and getting angry, and Emily has to hold her, so she wouldn't murder someone

Emily pretty much NEVER swears and Lute swears a lot. Lute loves that about Emily, so she makes sure to never swear in their presence:

Lute: Oh you little *realises that Emily is next to her* you little... stupid person?

Emily: *laughs, cause she knows what Lute really wants to say and finds the whole thing adorable*

Adam would CONSTANTLY make fun of Lute for simping

Sera would definitely give Lute 'the talk'

Emily tends to dismiss ze's own emotions and overworked themselves to make everyone happy. Lute sometimes ends up forcibly putting them to bed so she'd get some rest.

Emily loves sweets and Lute loves salty food

Emily drinks tea and Lute drinks coffee

Emily likes knitting, especially in winter, so Lute has a closet full of sweaters, scarves, hats etc. She'd never wear them if they weren't from Emily

Lute likes sketching (mostly their girlfriend)

Hufflepuff x Slitherin

Emily loves hairstyling, so ze insists on styling lutes hair

St. Peter and Emily are friends and Lute absolutely fucking hates this guy

Because of their height difference Emily has to stand on her tiptoes when they kiss

Lute takes advantage of the difference and gives Emily a lot of forehead kisses

Lute often gives Emily piggy back rides (or flies)

Lute always insists on doing 'gentlemen' stuff, like they ALWAYS carry Emily's bag and open the door for her

When they move in together Adam often just comes in uninvited and crashes on the couch like he actually lives there. Lute is kinda annoyed with it, but Emily mostly doesn't mind

Lute plays bass

When they sleep Lute always has her spear next to the bed, just in case

When Emily has a shutdown Lute either speaks for them or makes sure to get her out of there. If anyone is trying to keep Emily in the room and is being kinda pushy and obnoxious, Lute gets all protective and is like: Don't you see we're busy? With a spear targeted at them

When Emily gets overstimulated xe tends to pick up on their skin. Lute noticed that and always has some fidget toys on them, to offer

Emily collects plushies and squishmallows and when ze sees one in a store, it goes like this:

Emily: Look! It's so cute! Can we buy it?

Lute: Babe, we already have like... 20 squishmallows in our room.

Emily: But it's an elephant... *Sad face*

Lute: Oh, fine. But it's the last one. *It's never the last one*

Adam is sceptical about their relationship at first, but grows fond of Emily pretty quickly and sees them as his little sister

They cuddle using their wings as blankets

Okay, I guess that's it for now, but I will probably update. As u can probably tell I'm a little, tini-tiny bit obsessed with them atm

[blackgirlsuperherorants]

Light spoilers for Deadpool & Wolverine below:

Here's the thing. Deadpool was really queer in this movie, in my opinion. Like, queer enough that it just felt like his regular, real personality, to me, rather than shoved in for laughs. But it does still play it for laughs, sometimes, and that does feel... like, you know, it's a shame. Because Marvel has a real chance, here, to just have an LGBTQ+ lead character and just let that be, but it feels like they're a little scared to actually lean in. I don't even get the impression that it's Ryan. I think Ryan would let Deadpool be fully queer, if either studio would have let him.

I think because I fall under the bi/pan umbrella and the way Deadpool is about his sexual orientation is kinda how I am, too (except I don't, like, openly hit on everything with legs because it can border on harassment), I didn't immediately clock how some in the community are finding this movie to be homophobic/biphobic. But I get it. A lot of the gay stuff is played for laughs and sometimes seems to be about the gay panic he's causing in the other men.

But also... in my opinion, Wade feels earnest in his flirtation. Like, when he thinks the TVA guys are strippers and talks about kissing them, and says "I'm not a natural bottom"... like, how is that just quipping? I think he's talking about his actual sex life, and is being for real. Like, he wants to have sex with them... he's not used to bottoming.

I think some stuff is a little disappointing. Like, the joke about being molested as a child by the scout master. I don't like jokes about rape/molestation, and I don't like the implications that his pansexuality is because he is an unhealed sexual assault survivor. There's a dangerous narrative that queer people are predators, right now, and that we want to "turn kids gay/trans", and stuff like that feeds into that narrative.

But also, people are angry that Wade is in love with Vanessa and only flirts with guys. But... he's pansexual. Not gay. And he's been in a relationship with Vanessa the whole time, until this movie. Bi and pan people can be in hetero-presenting relationships and still be actually bi/pan. Finding Wolverine attractive doesn't mean his feelings for Vanessa just disappear.

I'd also say that Wade literally reads a lot more queer in this movie. Like, even the way he talks and moves and stuff. There's nothing about him that reads "hetero guy who flirts with men because it's funny". He's so queer. His friend group is so queer. Like, he is a queer man, to me. And, for what it's worth, he makes stupid quips about everything in his life, everything around him, everything he loves, everything he hates... why would that be the case, but he not make any stupid queer quips? Who under the bi/pan umbrella doesn't? (I'm not speaking for all of us, sorry. Sorry, guys! If you feel differently, you're also correct and valid. This is just one queer girl's opinion.)

Anyway, I felt like he was the queerest in this movie out of the 3. I just hope that if/ when he appears again, Marvel allows him to actually do something queer on camera. A kiss or something.

[bakery-anon]

I lied put your clothes back on. We’re going to talk about how bisexual and pansexual people often have their sexuality invalidated. How if they’re dating a man they’re not gay enough and if they’re dating a woman they’re too gay 🗣️🗣️🗣️ I think we should talk about it. I think we should talk about how instead of explaining to family it’s easier to just say you’re a lesbian or you’re gay instead of bi or pan because that’s apparently too hard for people to understand. I think we should talk about how people don’t even think they’re doing anything wrong when they label you as something you’re not. How they don’t put it through their little heads (yes, even after telling them) that you just want them to respect you. How it feels like they don’t respect you when they can’t even do something as small as respecting your sexuality and identity. How I’m dating a girl so suddenly I’m a lesbian instead of a panromantic. There’s nothing wrong with being a lesbian obviously I love women but there is something wrong with friends, family, and even strangers deciding things for you that took a long time to figure out yourself. There is something wrong with explaining how you feel and people not listening to you and continuing to go against what you want them to. We should talk about how bi and pan (and other sexualities that like more than one gender) are often not treated with respect for their sexuality. How people don’t care enough to just correct their mistake. While we’re here we should also talk about how ace and aro people are often excluded from the lgbtqia+ community for “not being gay enough.” What is gay enough? I don’t know. We should talk about how people often think asexuality and aromantic is the same thing and don’t listen to actually asexuals and aromantics when they explain it isn’t. We should talk about how they don’t care to learn anything about them. How asexuality is a spectrum how being aromantic is a spectrum. How being asexual doesn’t mean you’re sex repulsed and can still do the action. How being aromantic doesn’t mean that you can’t be in committed relationships. Let’s sit down and talk about that why don’t we.

[fallloverfic]

Thinking about how people assuming Seth isn't into men is also a big reason why Osiris is an idiot, and Ra called Osiris out on that line of thinking in S02E78. In fact, she calls him, "Arrogant, foolish Osiris" (among other things) for this. Like that just happened in canon and I guess folks slept through that episode because people keep insisting he only loves Nephthys/is straight/can't like men.

Like people say "Seth isn't gay" and I think that's fair, but I don't think he's het, either. He doesn't evince interest in women generally. Osiris assumes Seth does because Osiris doesn't understand love. To him, Seth must be into goddesses solely because they can have babies.

Osiris does not comprehend that it isn't Nephthys' gender that attracts Seth to her: it is herself as a person. Osiris has no regard for that. He does not fathom Seth as a complex person with agency. To Osiris, "to love someone is to expect something from them." (S01E49). He catalogues people into capabilities: if I could provide the same things for Seth, Seth would love me. This disregards any relationship Seth might have with Osiris, Nephthys, or anyone else. He stole Seth's seed for who knows how many years. He removes Seth's agency in many ways.

This is a really common romance trope with the obsessive non-partner: "I'm better looking, I can provide more/the same, why do you love [love interest] and not me?"

Because the person they're pursuing has agency and love is complicated. This thinking ignores that. It treats people as goals to be reached or objects to be won.

Osiris sees no issue with this, despite his alleged wisdom, because "love" as he understands it, is "a selfish emotion that feeds on personal gain." (S01E49). Osiris is being selfish, and he'll do whatever he has to, destroy whoever and whatever he needs to, in order to achieve the object of his desire that is Seth. As Ra says, Osiris is "a rotting fruit" who "rot[s] those around" him. (S02E78).

So far as we can tell, Seth isn't in love with women generally. The only other woman to whom he potentially showed any sexual advances was maybe Isis? (Seth to Isis, "I had asked you to sleep with me." S01E39). But we don't actually know how he framed that offer/request when he tried to get her to join him in revenge, let alone if he actually wanted to sleep with her or just wanted to get revenge on Nephthys and/or Osiris, or if he just convinced himself that's what he was asking Isis to do and that's part of why Isis rejected him. We do know he's in love with Nephthys (S01E49). Or was in the past. Lately, he cares for Horus. I would argue he's demi-bisexual or demi-pansexual, but also isn't a person who's into labels. Not everyone is. Queerness is a spectrum.

Yes, he calls relations between male humans disgusting in a spur of the moment thought in S02E36, and that's sort of it. Seth generally thinks ill of humans, and he's not given to think kindly of Horus at the time, either. That's also not definitive. He changes (S02E70). He also would not be the first person in existence to internalize bigotry that would possibly target himself. Plenty of marginalized people are/act bigoted against their own people/themselves. At the time, Seth was also ill and trapped in a stronghold of people who hate him, safe on the kindness of humans. There are so many reasons that he might respond weirdly or not in a way that reflects his entire state of mind about his own wants. No one was asking him, "Are you gay?" or even "Would you date and/or fuck a guy if you had a chance?" Horus was carrying on a facade to fool Hanekate in a complex situation that Seth hated for many reasons, and Seth was understandably shocked.

I don't think he likes men generally. I think his body reacts to things (Osiris, Foreign God), as bodies tend to, which doesn't necessarily mean anything about his sexuality. But his being into Nephthys also kind of says nothing about his wants. He wants Nephthys. The person. Not a gender. His lack of being into a specific gender generally does not mean he solely likes women or cannot be into men or must be forced into it or something. He loves people on an individual level.

When he rejects Osiris, it's not because Osiris is male, but because Seth cares platonically for Osiris solely as a brother and monarch.

Osiris to Seth in S01E41: "What am I... ...to you? Am I just the king that rules over the land that you protect? Am I just your brother born from the same womb? What about besides that? Have you ever even thought of me as something more?"

Seth: "Why do you need to be more than that?"

Ra to Osiris in S02E78, "You think that Seth turns away from you because you are also a male god? And you think Seth desires female gods because of their power of creation? . . . If that is the conclusion you have come to, then it is proof that you are already breaking down."

It's all right there. It didn't need to be that overt because you can see it in the rest of the story, too, but the overtness is now there. Clear as day. Osiris' line of thinking about Seth's affections is wrong. And to imitate that is foolish.

It's Seth's deep love for individuals that allows him to open his heart to Horus (S02E70). Osiris and even Nephthys do not see Seth for who he is. Horus does. He refuses to forget. And that's why Seth cares for him, because it's Seth's deepest wish (S01E40-1).

In sum, assuming Seth loves Nephthys because she's a woman and this is the end-all statement about his sexuality/interests will get Ra to laugh at you just like she laughed at Osiris for assuming basically the same thing.

(Also assuming all protagonists and/or love interests in boys love stories have to be gay to have relationships with other men is really weird. Plenty of protagonists are bisexual, pansexual, undeclared, or questioning)

Reply 1

Reply 2

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi I just have a question and I mean to ask it as respectfully as possible

When did people start head cannoning Regulus as trans? I just dont understand how people came to that conclusion?

I’m also just very uneducated on the trans community and I know that and just don’t really know where to get reliable information about the whole community and the people in it.

Idk in my opinion I just almost feel like people made Regulus trans to meet a diversity quota. I also feel like it kind of takes away from the fact that James could be genuinely attracted to biological males? Like maybe people are still so attached to Jily that they can’t truly let go of it even in his other ship?

Sorry I just really would like to see the point of view from someone who is part of the trans community (correct me if I’m wrong on that please) and also enjoys and writes trans Regulus. It really just makes me sad that I don’t read so many fanfics that I’m sure are absolutely beautiful just because I’m a little put off by Regulus (or even Remus) being trans.

Anyway I’d love to hear the reasoning you have and I’m so sorry if any of this came off as offensive or rude🫶

Okay, so to answer your first question, the first fic in ao3 tagged with trans! Regulus Black is dated in March 2016, so 8 years ago. (I see a Jegulus fic tagged in 2005, for comparison).

As far as people coming to the conclusion of reg being trans, I think it's just people seeing themselves in the character, or enjoying the headcanon. It's not like...deciding it IS canon. If that makes sense?

For information on the community, I'm not sure what you mean. Like information in being trans? If you have questions on that, I'm more than willing to answer them! I can point you to reliable websites or try to give you my own experience.

I don't think it's 'meeting a diversity quota.' I think it's that Harry Potter is genuinely super NOT diverse. Canonically, most characters are straight, cis, and white. And fanfiction writers like to write what they want and what they relate to. Many fanfic writers know trans people/are trans, so it's natural to include trans people in their works. It's not meeting a quota, it's just emulating their lives.

And as far as James's attraction..sure, he can be attracted to people with any genitals. But I think you're missing the point that trans Regulus IS a boy. Your body doesn't equal your gender. So when James is attracted to him, he is attracted to a boy. He is, therefore, gay (or at least queer) by being attracted to Regulus. Very gently, seeing trans Regulus as a substitution for Lily because they might have similar bodies is a bit transphobic. Though body parts can be important to some people, putting Regulus and Lily on the same plane is a bit off. (Also, many people headcanon James as pansexual, meaning he can be attracted to any gender, so he doesn't care what gender people are.) You ARE right in saying that some people probably do think this way though. But it's not okay.

As far as not liking the headcanon of trans!Regulus or trans!Remus or whoever...I don't think that's a bad thing IN THEORY. For example, I don't see Harry as trans. There are some Drarry fics which have trans!Harry and I don't read them, because that's not my headcanon. Fanfics are for your enjoyment, and you don't have to force yourself to read them if they don't share your specific headcanons. I would just think about WHY you're not reading these fics. If you just see these characters as cis, then that's fine! But if it's because you might need more education of transness and what it means to be trans, then maybe take the time to educate yourself and go from there, you know?

I hope that helps!

(Also if anyone wants to chime in in the comments, you're welcome to, but please be respectful, this was a genuine question)

[isabelawritesthings]

The Lost Potential of Quinn Fabray's Sexuality on Glee: An analysis

(I personally don't know if people still talk about Glee in 2024 considering the fact that this series ended more than eight years ago but watching it for the first time and reading some posts here on Tumblr I was intrigued by the lack of exploration of Quinn's sexuality in Glee, and I decided to do an analysis about this lost potential and what I would change in her story.)

When it comes to saying that Quinn could very well be a lesbian or even bisexual, many argue that Quinn is the most straight character in the entire glee club, the highly Christian "Miss Perfect" who ended up getting pregnant by her boyfriend's best friend and cheating on every guy she dated, but saying that she is romantically and sexually active with men doesn't mean that she is totally straight (I mean, Santana dated Puck, Sam and slept with Finn, yet came out as a lesbian in season three) Brittany was also a fan of sex with men but ended up marrying a woman, and it's not as if many lesbians and gays in real life hadn't dated someone of the opposite sex before discovering their sexual and romantic orientation.

Santana: I think I know how to make you feel better.

Quinn: I'm flattered Santana, but I'm really not into that.

Glee, 2x22 (New York)

Quinn says she's not "into that", however, doesn't mind sleeping with Santana two seasons later, even claiming she was just "experimenting".

We can't forget the relationship she had with Rachel, which was quite queer coded. It would be funny to see the girl who has dated several boys end up with a girl. "But the show already has too much representation with Brittana and Klaine" Hmm, and since when has too much representation been a problem? The LGBTQ community spent years being seen as invisible in series and films, a study in 2009, the same year Glee was released, revealed that only 3% of television series at that time had gay, lesbian or bisexual representation, and even though our situation is better than it was twenty years ago, for example, let's not forget that we are technically criminals in 73 countries. Take the She-Ra reboot for example, which has two sapphic couples with their own stories, too much representation will never be an issue.

What Quinn needed was a female writer, so that the whole story of wanting to be with Beth but not being able to or deciding to become a punk in season 3 could be explored more and not forgotten in the middle of romantic songs and Rachel Berry's exaggerated protagonism (even though Glee is limited to that lol). I don't think I'll ever forgive Ryan Murphy and Lea Michelle for being so arrogant and fighting with Dianna Agron to the point where Quinn was practically replaced by Kitty (I swear, I watched Glee at least two times but I can't remember any scene from season five where Quinn appeared) She appears in the sixth season because it is the last one and it would be fair for the original formation of the glee club to appear (if it weren't for that, Ryan would probably invent that Quinn went to live in another country or simply forget about her).

Quinn's story pretty much ends in season four, after which she barely appears.

What I would change

In the third season, instead of her becoming a punk, why not have her just come out of the closet? Quinn may be confused in the beginning because she's never felt this way about girls before and is paying "too much attention" to the other cheerios and may even ask Santana for advice on how to deal with these feelings, since Santana herself comes out as a lesbian in the same season. She could be lesbian, bisexual, pansexual or she doesn't even need labels, she could just like girls.

I would still keep that drama involving Beth because Quinn clearly didn't give her up for adoption because she wanted to, just because she had no choice, but maybe a girlfriend would make her see that Beth is better off with Shelby. The girlfriend could be a girl from the Cheerios, since Quinn has always considered them family, maybe a sweet and slightly naive girl like Marley to give more "light" to the cold and provocative Quinn Fabray.

In the fourth, fifth and sixth season I would explore more of the romance between the two and even perhaps some religious guilt on Quinn's part (let's not forget that she is supposed to be highly Christian) and at the end of the series she and this girlfriend can get married like Brittana and even adopt a child, I know that one child does not replace another, but here at least Quinn will maintain her desire to be a mother.

[gay-disabled-characters-showdown]

LGBTQ+ Disabled Characters Showdown Round 2, Wave 2, Poll 9

A character being totally canon LGBTQ+ and disabled was not required to be in this competition. Please check qualifications and propaganda before asking why a character is included.

Check out the other polls in this wave and prior here.

Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Webber / Sun Spider-Marvel

Qualifications:

Charlie is canonically disabled and canonically queer, having EDS and being pansexual. She was originally a spider-sona created by a fan, Dawn Broder, who is agender and disabled.Unlike most disabled characters in superhero media, Charlie stays disabled even after gaining her powers! She uses crutches and a wheelchair, both of which are used alongside her webslinging. Her crutches have webslingers inside them, meaning she uses them to get around even while being sun-spider, and Across The Spider-verse shows her wheelchair being able to help her climb on walls and similar as well. Charlie's story also covers issues faced by disabled people! When an emergency happens at her prom, she's reminded that if she wasn't a spider-person she would be left behind as the others evacuate, which is something that's common irl as well.

Charlotte Webber (Sun-Spider) has Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and is an ambulatory wheelchair and crutch user. As shown in the comics she is also queer! She was created by Dayn Broder, a queer disabled comics editor and writer who also has EDS. Sun-Spider’s screentime in Across The Spiderverse was awesome especially the design of her wheelchair. She has web-shooters equipped in her crutches which she uses to fight with. She’s just so fucking cool and hopefully gets more inclusion in comics in the future.

Propaganda:

Charlie is SO important to me as a disabled person because she shows that we can be superheroes while still being disabled, we don't have to have our disabilities taken away to be super. She's also a very fun character! She's funny!

Mostly what I said in the last section, but once again she’s so cool and her wheelchair in ATSV is so sick (when she is not using it it follows her with sort of mecha spider legs).

Heart-Moonlight Chicken

Qualifications:

He's deaf (and I think one of the first ever deaf love interests in a Thai drama) and canonically gay with a boyfriend.

hes canonically deaf and gay

Heart is a gay deaf character in the drama moonlight chicken.

Heart is canonically deaf and canonically has a boyfriend at the end of the series! :)

Canonically queer and deaf

He’s canonically deaf and the love interest of another male character (Li Ming)

Propaganda:

A lot of his storyline is about the struggles of being deaf in Thai society. The show is only 8 episodes and he’s only a supporting character so it can't go super in depth to it but his arc was really well done imo. He lost his hearing due to illness like 3 years before canon (I forget th exact time frame), but his parents shut him away and never learned sign language so his storyline is about being able to come into his own and leave the house and everything. Like his love interest learns sign language for him and researches what to do to help him feel normal and supports him as his parents are forced to confront how they've failed their son with their lack of acceptance of being deaf. Like his whole story is just him finally getting to live his life normally again after being shut off from the world and having a supportive boyfriend. At the end of the show, he goes to a deaf college in America to study engineering.

he became deaf after a disease and since then is isolated in his home for 3 years. these years also coincide with the pandemic. and his parents didnt learn sign, just writing their messages in a paper and sliding it to him without hearing what he has to say. he was also presumably degraded for talking because it wasnt very clear because hes literally deaf. his parents by the end of the show try to talk better to him through sign but good god. he was so lonely

Heart is an amazing character. His story show us the hardships he faces with his family acceptance but also the importance of forming a community. His love story with ming is beautiful and heartwarming.

Heart is sheltered by his parents after losing his hearing due to illness. Throughout the series, however, his parents gain more understanding of him and his abilities and he gains a found family with his boyfriend Li Ming and Li Ming's family and it's all so heartwarming and wholesome. Although his parents see him as unable to live a normal life after he loses his hearing, he disproves this by seeking work, building relationships, and getting into college for engineering. He is the best boy!

When we first meet Heart, he is very sheltered from the outside world by his parents, who have taken pretty much no effort to understand Heart’s needs or wants since he lost his hearing. He is homeschooled and doesn’t seem to have any friends or sense of community. His parents leave him alone all the time, choosing instead to focus on their work. His bedroom is full of notes that his parents have left him. Hung up on the walls are different sign language posters, clueing the audience into the fact that he taught himself sign language. Over the course of the show, Heart develops a friendship and, eventually, relationship with Li Ming, a boy who works at a chicken rice shop. Li Ming sneaks Heart out of the house, where they do all kinds of things together – participating in a lantern festival, attending a community gathering for deaf folks, and learning how to drive a motor scooter, off the top of my head. While learning how to ride the motor scooter, however, Heart has a small accident and his parents find out about him sneaking out. The confrontation scene is one that is definitely best translated on-screen, but I’ll try to describe it the best I can. Basically, Heart, Li Ming, and Heart’s parents all hash it out. Heart’s parents accuse Li Ming of influencing Heart to disobey them, Li Ming explains that Heart wanted – and is capable of – doing the things they did together, Heart’s parents barely even look at him during the entire exchange, Heart finally gets fed up and tells his parents exactly how they make him feel, and Heart’s parents have to ask Li Ming what Heart was saying. After this confrontation, things get a bit better with Heart’s parents, though not perfect. At the end of the show, Heart and Li Ming travel overseas together, where Heart attends university and Li Ming works, a dream they talk about quite a few times over the course of the show.

He’s the first deaf love interest in a Thai drama! And he has the most adorable love story with another guy called Li Ming in the show who learns sign language in order to communicate with him more effectively. While he faces struggle from his parents being extremely overprotective after he lost his hearing a few years ago (also since he’s still a teenager) it ends up resolved with them changing their mindset and allowing him full freedom. His story shows struggle while not being a tragedy, and he ends the show going to study in America with his boyfriend being really happy <3

Anything Else?:

I feel like it isn't very often we see deaf queer characters, especially not ones who find love and a happy ending!

The qualifications and propaganda paragraphs correspond, @burnsuncomet is the second submitter.

[starbounddragon]

I am 6 years old and my family tries to call me Lexi.

They tell me it's a nickname

It is uncomfortable in a way I don't have words for

Like the Easter dress my mother always made me wear

There is an ache in my whole body I cannot explain

I ask them not to call me that

It's years before they listen

I am 8 and my best friend is a boy

I play sports and read books and detest Barbies

I am branded "tomboy"

It fits like wearing my dad's oversized baseball mitt

Roomy, not uncomfortable, but not right

I am told I should be more ladylike

I am 10 sitting with the other girls from my class

They ask why I never wear the uniform skirt

I tell them I just prefer to wear the pants.

I do not explain how I begged my mother not to buy any skirts.

I do not explain the panic I felt when I tried it in on at the uniform store.

I just prefer pants.

I am 12 and my best friend switches schools

The same girls ask if I miss him

They ask if we're dating.

My face grows hot and I forget how to speak

Before I can deny it another girl scoffs

She says my shoulders are too broad

She says I am not a pretty girl

She means it as an insult

Why am I relieved when she says I'm not a girl

13 and I have a new best friend

A girl this time

It feels different in a way I don't have words for

She doesn't go to my school

For the first time I beg my parents for a cell phone

I text her every day

The school year starts and I have my first health class

I go to a Catholic school

The two "teachers", a youth pastor and the ccd coordinator, tell my class to hate the sin, love the sinner

One of them says she loves her brother but he's going to hell for his "gay lifestyle".

To their merit, my classmates are outraged.

Their uncle, oldest brother, cousin, is gay.

They protest on behalf of their loved ones.

The teacher does not change her stance.

I am ashamed.

I am afraid.

I am silent.

I am 14 and I hold a door open for a stranger and his kid

The man tell his son to "say thank you sir"

I feel like a fish on dry land

I feel my broad shoulders

I feel like wearing a uniform skirt

I feel tomboy

I feel Lexi

He's gone before I correct him

How do I run from this

15 and I only wear blouses and push up bras

I only wear my hair down

I can't bring myself to wear a skirt

My highschool is Christian not Catholic

Chapel every Wednesday reminds us girls to honor our husbands

Health on Fridays says babies are God's plan

There is no path more fulfilling than joyful motherhood

I tell my teacher I do not want to be a mother

She assures me she didn't either at 15

Her husband changed her mind at 20

The rage I feel is familiar

So is the grief

This is the year I learn the term asexual

This is the year I learn I am not aromantic

This is the year I become two people

My family and school friends are all conservative

We do group activities

We talk about their lives

I keep them at arms length

They don't ask

They don't notice

They don't want to know

My summer camp friends are all queer

I tell them everything

My girl best friend is one of them

She's pansexual

I realize I'm in love with her

I also realize I can't have a girlfriend

Not like this

Not as two people

I'm not ready

We're 16 and she tells me she's gender fluid

She tells me her pronouns are she/they

I didn't realize a person could be that

I wish I could be they too.

They call me Lex.

It doesn't hurt.

At 20 I learn the term agender and it feels like finding something I didn't know I was looking for.

I'm still two people but not as much anymore.

25 is the first time I say it out loud to other people

Friends from college who are also they/them

And for the first time since 15 I feel like a whole person.