#why do i keep seeing her reduced to a caricature of herself

[slightlycomicobsessed]

"we need more complex and irredemable female characters!" yall couldn't even handle Natasha Romanoff

[yuerikoko]

I think I now get where all the Angela hate (and mischaracterization) came from

(Posting another ramble dedicated to my beloved yay)

I might sound like I’m beating a dead horse here since the Angela hate has died down as of recently but I still can’t help but wonder why she had received that much hate in the first place. What warranted her to get this much hate even until recently, whereas other characters who are written similarly to her, or have done much worse, are not as actively hated? Where did the popular fanon conception of her— one that portrayed her as an abuser, stalker and even r wordist at one point— also come from?

After some thinking and also me having known this fandom for 3 years up to this point, I think(?) I was finally able to trace where all this hate came from and where the infamous fanon version of her came to be.

CW: spoilers for WE and mentions of abuse/stalking/sexual assault and other potentially triggering themes. Please proceed with caution.

Also note: I do not intend to harass or call anyone out with this. Therefore, I will not be naming any names (if any) nor will I mention any works that can be triggering. This is simply a meta analysis trying to dissect a character’s fan reception, and while I may give my own thoughts somewhere down the line, I will also try to be as objective as possible with my observations.

0. Pre-C42

Before C42 came out, Angela did not receive as much hate. She wasn’t as popular as Jack or Elliot either, yet people didn’t have a reason to hate her at all prior to IPS. It was likely because she didn’t have much to remember her by other than being “Lars’s wife” or the S3 coroner, either due to the fact that she doesn’t have as much screen time as compared to other characters, or simply doesn’t have anything that makes her stick out as a character or as iconic as others in the team (e.g. Jack, Elliot and Marina for their designs, Lars, Carmen and Elliot for their attitudes towards the team and other people around them in general).

This, however, will be a topic of discussion again in a while, so please keep this in mind as we move on to the next point in this analysis.

1. The aftermath of C42 and C56

This seems to be the starting point of this whole hullabaloo, and understandably so. Angela had just murdered someone, betrayed us, and tried to frame other people for it (C42) and of course, people were upset about it, yet there were still those who had hope for her and tried to sympathize with her. And then came C56, where she returned, but as a colder, more aggressive version of herself that has pledged loyalty to SOMBRA and was willing to carry out their orders so dutifully that she was willing to plant a bomb. This, of course, likely fueled the hate and people had more of a reason to hate her when she made fun of Dupont’s death. Although one take in particular did stand out to me (and not in a good way):

The idea that she doesn’t genuinely love Lars.

Yes, I do understand that this is a very old take from 2016 and things may change from there, but I would just like to highlight how dangerous it is to perceive characters this way. Takes like these erase the complexities of her writing and essentially reduce her— someone who has had to make a lot of hard decisions to even be with Lars, which became the basis of the person she was up to that point— into a nothing more than a caricature of how people think morally gray characters should be based on whether or not they are deemed “good” or “bad” in the traditional sense.

I also do think certain plot holes in PS’s handling of her character in the final case also contributed to it. It felt ridiculous to see how a character whose most defining trait is being family oriented suddenly turned cold and bitter towards her old team, unhesitatingly claiming that they were enemies now as if their previous friendships did not matter. Maybe this was where the idea that she’s manipulative and/or possessive came from: since she was still clinging onto Lars and the triplets (that her literal last wish was to see them again) while showing this lack of compassion that would be unnatural to her past self.

With that said, the fact that she wasn’t as memorable as a main character but was more iconic as a traitor/antagonist did contribute to mixed opinions from the fandom back then. While a lot of people seemed to be mad at the things she’s done, there were some who thought it made her more interesting as a character. I guess it depends on subjective interpretation in this case, though unfortunately, back when WE first came out, many people fell into the mindset of black-and-white morality, and end up hamfisting complex and nuanced characters into extremes based on whether or not they like them.

2. Fanon/“Yandere” Angela

Following the events of WE, this seems to be a very common fandom perception of her. This subject is somewhat hard to accurately put into words, but I will try my best to give my analysis and thoughts on it, so please correct me if I get something wrong.

For those who don’t know, this is what a yandere is supposedly defined as:

TL;DR: yanderes are known to be violent, possessive and obsessed with a particular love interest. This may even go to the extent of hurting any potential “rivals” or even their love interests themselves.

If you have been in the fandom long enough, and especially if you’re into WE or Angela, you might find that there have been numerous fanfics that described her this way: as an absolutely horrible person who abuses and even stalks Lars in some, along with getting upset when others get close to him.

It may have originated from Wattpad, where there were two fics (afaik) focused on the concept of Angela being a yandere in itself. This, and considering the fact that there is barely any fan material of Angela (most especially fics) and that almost every fic that has her in it at the time either has her play an antagonistic role or use her as a plot device (usually for other ships to happen) may have contributed to the whole idea of her being a “yandere” that was almost universally accepted as the basis of her character in fics.

There is also that perceived manipulation and “sociopathy” from earlier that may have contributed to the idea of yandere Angela. A common fandom perception of her is that Angela has a warped idea of what love is and ends up displaying unhealthy/dangerous behaviors towards Lars as a result of her obsession (which she perceives as “love”). And as a result, she ends up resorting to actual criminal behavior in some of these fics: stalking Lars, physically abusing him and in one extreme case, even raped him. (Disclaimer: I will not be naming any of these fics since I do not condone hate or harassment towards the authors, nor do I want to further trigger anyone reading this by openly naming said content.)

This may have also been a big factor in contributing to Angela hate as the normalization of this depiction of her has led to people almost unanimously accepting this as her actual character.

I would like to say that I very much disagree with this take on her character. While yes, it is true that Angela does have questionable morality (e.g. she understands that what SOMBRA did to children is wrong and actively condemns it, yet was willing to blow up the Bureau hq knowing that Elliot and Sanjay are inside), her love for Lars seems to be genuine and even healthy for the most part. Time and time again, she has shown that she really loves him— hell, her laptop password even has his name on it.

3. Popularization of these misconceptions

As these fics were the only depiction of Angela in the fandom for a time, they are, by far, the most infamous depiction of her. This, along with the “I hate her because she’s a bad person and did bad things” majority, has then led to her getting this much hate from the fandom.

Moreover, there was a time in 2023 where there’s an influx in WE-centered fics, and that also resulted in most of the anti-Angela fics for the most part. This may explain the more recent hate directed towards her as compared to characters from other seasons.

Conclusion

Much of the hate towards Angela in particular stems from both severe misinterpretation of canon events and her character’s actions/intentions, and this version of her being extremely popularized to the point where people treated it like it’s actually her. The former mostly applies to around the time WE was still ongoing to after it ended (2016-2017 ish) while the latter could explain the more recent hate. Fortunately, it seems as though more people have the media literacy to read along the nuances of her character and understand her intentions before forming an opinion.

Anyways this was A LOT— probably even longer than the Carmen/Angela post but I’ve been thinking about this for just as long (there was a time I was afraid to admit I liked her because of how hated she was). Thank you for listening to my TED Talk, I guess.

[stop-making-investment-jokes]

okay I’ve seen soooo many investment jokes recently and I thought the fandom was mainly over this by now but apparently a lot of people still think these jokes are okay. I’ve made this blog to talk and educate about it.

one of the primary issues within grishaverse fandom spaces is the excessive overdone jokes about inej being kaz’s investment. the reason why claiming a brown girl was ✨romantically✨ bought by someone with the expectation of making them money is bad should not be so hard to recognise and understand but I guess fandom culture really is that shitty, so

1) the joke is undeniably dehumanising and objectifying in general, but with inej’s history of being sex trafficked as a child (being kidnapped, continuously raped and beaten, being turned into an exotic fetish and racist caricature, and having her identity and humanity stripped away) having the fandom make a joke both about kaz profiting off her as well as reducing her to a funny side joke about kaz’s “bad endearment terms” is especially distasteful. furthermore, the jokes perpetuate harmful lightheartedness about individuals who have survived exploitation. this lightheartedness contributes to the stigmatisation, misunderstanding and lack of empathy about real-world issues related to human trafficking and human exploitation and the severity of it. it’s essential to recognize that these jokes can deeply reinforce damaging notions and that yes, your “stupid funny text post” calling inej an investment is consequential and it is “that deep” because sexual assault survivors in real life are very heavily in these spaces and the least you can do is be considerate about what you say concerning them.

2) if you genuinely think that kaz called inej an investment as a term of affection you have a terrible reading comprehension and terrible understanding of the contextual factors within this scene and should probably get off booktok. as well as severely discrediting both inej and kaz as characters.

while carrying inej, who is currently bleeding out in his arms, seconds after nearly witnessing her kill herself and trying to keep her awake and conversing with him, kaz says a shitty joke about protecting his investments to intentionally annoy her. this was not meant to be romantic or cute and I’m certain that it was the furthest thing on his mind at that moment. cannot stress this enough; he was not trying to be romantic.

and while it didn’t appear to bother her at first, this caused inej severe emotional distress while she was kidnapped and nearly tortured in the next book, seeing as she thought she was nothing to kaz but an investment and that he wouldn’t come and save her. this is, evidently, challenged and explored in the book with kaz acknowledging what he said was unacceptable and reassuring inej that he would always come for her and that she is important and respected as a person. it was still necessary to the plot of the book for this all to occur but in no way is it a thing to romanticise.

(and in regard to kaz; I find when being told about this, people usually jump to insulting kaz and saying kanej is a toxic ship when neither of those things are the point. for the record, these events are crucial to the plot’s development and said by two traumatised children who aren’t perfect. it’s important to note that both kaz and inej are children with no guidance who make mistakes and sometimes say things they don’t mean, and that kaz did not intend for his words to have such a detrimental impact on inej. saying he “doesn’t know how to flirt” or something else similar defies the point, which is simply how it affected inej and how she felt because of it, and how the fandom brushes that aside to turn it into a joke or something cutesy and romantic. that’s the only issue here.)

3) the ingrained misogynistic trend of treating women and girls as anything other than human beings in fandom spaces is perceptible in almost every aspect of their fandom characterisations. think of the way internet people with internalised sexism refer to their female characters with short, overused, female-oriented phrases like “mother” “girlboss” or “knife wife” rather then any kind of meaningful take like the thought and nuance in which they extend to their male faves, or any other similar example. this itself is problematic enough with the way we talk about women and girls (as well as infantilising trans men and gender non conforming people), but characters like inej or lucy carlyle from lockwood and co are constantly and repeatedly called assets and investments and objects on top of that. (i.e. “kaz’s sexy knifewife investment”)

anyway please please stop making investment jokes about inej ghafa. she means so so much to me and it’s so horrible and dehumanising. I’m so tired.

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

day 2 of trying to piss off the sonic fandom so i either get blacklisted or blocked by as many people as possible:

the people who turn rouge into “the bestist lesbian big sister to shadow for ever and ever” are not as progressive as they’d like to think they are.

congratulations, you are reducing a female character to the bettering of a more popular male character, focusing exclusively on one dimension of her personality and rejecting the rest to make it wholesome and cute.

doesn’t seem so different from the people who would only focus on her sexuality in the 2000’s, does it?

listen. you can have your lesbian big sister rouge just like people can have their sex symbol rouge. they can also coexist. HOWEVER. do not pretend like this fanon interpretation does any justice to the nuanced layers of her character.

what about her selfishness? her commitment issues? her self preservation disguised as brashness? her lack of moral stability since she always puts herself first? ignoring the total disregard for her femme fatale disposition, the people who reduce her to a sibling dynamic are completely disregarding how canonically horrible at this she would be. her and shadow are coworkers, yes, and it’s evident she cares about him (in whichever way you choose to interpret that) but she is far from responsible for him. even if she wanted to be, episode shadow proves he completely disobeys orders and doesn’t regard her as a support system lol.

in case anyone is questioning why i keep including lesbian in my description, it’s because of the shipping can of worms. self admittedly, my rouge is bisexual, but that’s besides the point. the reason why the whole “lesbian rouge, gay shadow” makes me raise an eyebrow is because it is almost ALWAYS to eliminate any possibility of them having romantic feelings for each other, and additionally, so shadow’s big sister is also in a gay relationship because clearly he is gay and only gay and therefore rouge is a lesbian. since we need her to be in a gay relationship too we’re gonna ship her with wave, who is a lesbian as well because she wears pants and is mean, and that means we have a scapegoat wlw ship for the REAL focus— shadow and his boyfriend.

do you see what i’m insinuating here? do you see the fanon trend (which is not exclusive to sonic) and are you getting the bigger picture here? i’ll elaborate more on this when i dedicate a day to dissecting amy rose as a character but for now, let’s brush past this sexuality business and onto one more teeny tiny point

hey. so. a lot of people consider rouge to be racially coded as black. now, does anyone see a potential problem of having a black coded female character be this strong, independent, tough, maternal/sisterly caretaker for people? no? nothing historically bad about the caricature of older black women being “no nonsense” babysitters for people? or black women being strong and independent who don’t cry or have softer vulnerable sides? hm? any pancake products coming to mind? and before someone says i’m reading too much into this, i’m not calling anyone outwardly racist. i just think that it is unfair to women but especially black women to not only reduce a coded female character to a caretaker for the male main characters, but especially in the ways which people go about this. ANYWAYS

yeah. do whatever you want with rouge, but don’t think i haven’t had my eye on the ways in which she’s mischaracterized almost exclusively for shadow’s own character development. stop using female characters as tools or resources for male characters. i don’t care if it’s through gender or race or sexuality, there is some serious bastardization going on here and i am appalled when people who scoff at sexy rouge go on to do shit like this thinking they’re “saving” her character from everyone else. no. i actually think you’re just as bad as them, fight me i guess

note: i’m not attacking anyone as a person, i’m attacking the general fanon phenomenon. this isn’t about a particular creator or their work, this is about the way rouge is treated by the fandom as a whole. people can make whatever they want, and in the same vein, i can call it fucking stupid. if you’re offended or think i’m an asshole though, even if it’s just for doing this and you’re not involved with fanon rouge, block me. please. i’m actively trying to get rid of people and this helps.

[skyehigh15]

Fave Sprites in each AA Game: JFA

(Spoilers for Justice For All)

Here we are at the second game because I'm bored as hell so I'm making it now.

(I don't think I even mentioned this in the last post, but the reason why I'm even doing this is because it's fun and also a good way to analyze and get better at art. I love Ace Attorney art, and want my style to get better so here I am.)

Check out my other post in the series so far if you want to. Let's get into Justice For All!

Animation 1:

Ini Miney! One of my favorite characters in the whole series! Definitely in my top three culprits. While her "serious" animations are also pretty good, I love her goofy and silly persona a lot better. This animation reminds me of Fran Sawhit's idle animation in 1-1, except it's now filled with charm and joy. God, I love Ini Miney and how funny she is. Most of her animations are bangers, but this is definitely my favorite.

Animation 2:

Matt Engarde; a fan favorite. It was hard to decide which of his animations was the best, but I think this animation works the best. Here's the thing: Before the big reveal, Matt is meant to be a helpless actor that got roped into a huge mess. He has rely on his manager, and he's completely helpless without her. This animation is amazing at portraying that. While I had had the twist spoiled for me (it's very hard to avoid these things nowadays) this was one of the animations that made me doubt myself and give Matt the benefit of the doubt. It's very effective at portraying what a bumbling mess he pretends to be.

Animation 3:

And here is when we finally get to see him as the real mess he is. He is no longer pretending to be helpless, now he truly is. Matt has gotten himself into a corner that he can't back out of. I love so many of the details in this sprite: The eyes rapidly going from side to side, the hair constantly falling in front of his face, him leaning slowly forward as if he was about to fall, the sweat... It's incredible. I love these games so much.

Animation 4:

Here's this game prosecutor: The perfect Franziska Von Karma. Overall, this batch of animations might be a little biased; all of these characters are my favorites, including the last sprite which you'll see in a bit (I'm actually not that big on Matt, but the women rock). Franziska's cockiness is on full display in this courtroom animation; Her bowing (which mirrors Edgeworth's bowing in the first game), her confident smile, her small bobbing motion... She's an egotistical perfectionist molded the same way as her father. I just wish that so many of her animations weren't just her whipping (I think it's the weakest aspect of her character, and often reduces her to a caricature) so I love when she's allowed to show her personality in a different way.

Animation 5:

(Uh, sorry for how inconsistent this gif is compared to the rest, but I couldn't find her DS sprite, only the HD trilogy version.)

Anyways, let's get to it: Adrian Andrews is definitely one of my favorite characters (I know this is getting kind of redundant, sorry) and most of her sprites are excellent. This animation in particular is really good, and I remember just sitting and staring at it when it appeared as I was playing. The card flipping is so smooth, and the distracted expression she has on her face is fascinating. It's great characterization on how much she's trying to distance herself from the situation as she tries to keep a calm facade. The card being DeKiller's is also very sick and comes back later as the end-of-game reward.

Overall I'd say that from a character-design standpoint, Justice For All might be the most mixed bag out of the whole series. It's got so many incredible designs that I could stare at for hours, but then it also has Hotti and Trilo (I also don't really like Max's design. I tend to switch back and forth on that one, but for the most part I think it's just a little too much.) Anyways, see you soon for the next one.

[rosenecklaces]

Just so you know, i'm cackling because of your tags under that post about Lucien 🤣 the problem with Lucien fans is that they think Lucien is so relevant SJM is going to change everything she wrote and reduce elain and azriel's characters to Lucien's just because they think he's decent and therefore he deserves a prize (elain). Why makes them believe he's this important. Is he a secret Archeron? SJM barely talks about him.

No but is af we are at fault that SJM had given him nothing but "the best friend of tamlin, now best friend of feyre, uhhh son of helion- oh! now elain mate oh wait! and possible lover of vassa" like?? That redhead CAN'T drive a narrative alone and the autor herself has shown that, she needs to push him/relate him with bigger characters so he can do something and move him trought the situations just in case we needed a reminder that he's there... doing stuff. Because lucien having moments of himself existing isn't priority for her (as shown on his barely explored loyalty to tamlin and his ex gf murder, she served us that in the most "have this. Bye" way)

One thing that frustrated me about his character since the get go is that he doesn't pick a side, he doesn't want to it seems and why? because he wants to benefit of whoever and whatever keeps him in a position of power/stability where he can say "look! I'm in the winning side" and although i do think in the first book that'll make him a worthy character and i could even understand why he got fans for it, unfortunately SJM did him a 180° and decided he's...a saint now? The good guy all along? That doesn't matter how much he betrayed feyre and caused harm to her family hes a good friend 🥺 he wants to help the night court now 🥺 ( surprise surprise i wonder why) he's getting new friends! ( good for him honestly, why is he keeping contact with tamlin still tho) he's doing his best with elain and feyre 🥺 (he literally isn't and hasn't even apologized but okey)

And big part of this I would blame SJM of, because she was the one turning around what lucien was supposed to be and what actions he has taken, but also let's not pretend this fandom doesn't loves turning characters in something they aren't or caricatures of those. For me lucien has the potential of becoming a heavily morally grey character close to rhysand on the first books or even antagonistic like tamlin (lucien was literally his side kick and classist as hell so he already was an antagonist) but no miss ma'am decided to throw a half made redemption for him that didn't even worked because he's still asshole- ish and extremely doubtful as a loyal ally, acting as if him following anyone who keeps him in his high horse like a lost puppy is some breathtaking take on him...is not and had never been

and now the only important thing about his story is the undesirable mate bond with the next MC and his relationship with vassa + jurian 💀like listen I am a fan of a "barely there and unique" side character (azriel mi patrón) but atleast my fav basic men haves a background, interesting and brutal backstory, loyal to his characteristics, values and personality, you can see that sjm atleast has interest in him and is planning more for him. Even the little we know about Az sparks interests on exploring who he is, where he came from, what's his thoughts, his relationship with each character without sidelining him and make him seem less important than them (he even haves something related to koschei c'mon). He's a mystery and yes the autor gave us little but what we do have makes for a man that you can understand and follow his actions in anticipation without feeling like someone is pushing you into paying attention to him when there's nothing compelling to look at 🤷🏽‍♀️ (lucien has been since book one compared to az yet the one that makes me go "ohhh what would he do/say next?" Is the shadowsinger)

(Also "booo lucien/elucien I hate your pussy" is one of my most beloved creations thanks for the appreciation 💕)

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Can we take a moment to talk about what a tragic character Minerva is? Y’all know that for the longest time I haven’t been the biggest fan of her, and honestly I’m still not? but I think I might’ve had a breakthrough on why that is. 

Whenever I’ve asked around to see why people find her so appealing or why they consider her their favorite, I’ll get answers like, “she’s such a complex character and she deserved a redemption arc!” or “she should’ve come back to the school with us! Let Minnie be happy, you cowards! Telltale did her dirty! I could write paragraph after paragraph about her!” all sorts of things along those lines… but like, no one seems to want to actually talk about her. I find that interesting? Since when I do follow up with a “care to explain further?” I get nothing. Radio static. Like…. no, talk to me please, I just wanna understand-

Minerva within the context of TFS is such a tragedy. She grew up in a school for troubled youth where all the adults left them for death at the start of the breakout, they had walkers trying to eat the living all around them, and I’m sure she saw her fair share of traumatic violence and despair… but on the bright side, she always had her twin sister, Sophie, and little brother, Tenn. She had her friend and eventual girlfriend, Violet. She had music, and a dorm full of pretty paintings done by Sophie. She and Louis composed a song together to make everyone feel better. There are worse places to live than the school. 

Then one day she got traded away to a bunch of raiders against her will, having no idea what the hell these people were gonna do to her and Sophie. They were made to be soldiers to fight in a war that had nothing to do with them. The delta fucking broke her. If we’re to believe Lilly’s story about the twins, they started their brainwashing process early on when Sophie was still alive, and it seems like Minerva was easier to control as Sophie was still planning a way out and causing trouble. Then, when Sophie convinced her to steal a boat and get the hell out, they got caught and the delta forced her to murder her own twin sister. 

Like…. I’m sorry, not only did Minerva kill her own sister, but she was made to believe that was the right thing to do? That line she says about how she had to prove her loyalty to the place she calls home? That shit’s ingrained in her brain, you can tell that isn’t the first time she’s heard or said that very thing. That is what made her family to the delta. Delta is her home now, her family. Sophie was just a thing that needed to be dealt with. You keep your head down, do as you’re told, and you survive.  You survive and you get to go home, eat a hot meal, take a shower, and be with your delta family.  If not, you end up like Sophie.

What’s also fucked is that Minerva actually cares about these people now. Think about that. After everything they did to her and made her do, she’s been trained to see them as her family and obey. When you save Louis and he kills Dorian, Minerva actually cries out and is visibly hurt by her death. When she’s with the other raiders on land, she's screaming at walkers to get away from them. She cares about the people who made her kill Sophie… and no one ever talks about that??

She fucking hates Clementine. Clementine is just another thing in Minnie’s way. I know the part of the fandom likes to ship these two together and they think it’s hot when they fight and shit, but within the canon text, Minerva wants Clementine gone. Dead. She is the thing stopping her from having her old family merge with her new family. If Clementine hadn’t made them fight, they all would’ve been captured and they’d all be a delta family now. She would’ve had Tenn back. 

Clementine is the problem, she made everyone fight back and that’s why people are dead. Minerva hates her for it… it’s not a “I hate you but like the sexual tension, y’know?” that I see people pretend it is, it’s “you are ruining everything and if I have to, I will kill you myself and I won’t give a second thought about it when they toss your body overboard.”

Like….. seriously, think about how fucked up all of this is. Minerva is a husk of who she was before she was taken away. Sure, you do have to keep in mind that when Tenn and Violet are describing her, their sights are a bit clouded, y’know? But I do believe that she was someone who was kind and cared about people, she wanted to make people feel safe and comforted. 

Now she’s a brainwashed soldier who won’t help the people she used to call friends when they’re about to get limbs cut off. She won’t hesitate to knock someone unconscious or threaten a child.  She’s willing to trick them into being captured with no regard for what’s going to happen to them. … all she knows is this was the mission, and now they all get to be together again back at the delta. 

Then when she finds out there’s a bomb on the boat, she ditches Violet to blow up with it in order to make it to land herself. She loses her shit seeing everyone die and gets her face chewed off by a walker… and then she tries to blow Clementine and AJ up with a grenade. 

Oh, and who can forget the fact that she tracks the group down with plans of murdering Tenn so that they can go to a better place together? And she’ll take down anyone who gets in her way?

Like….. jesus christ, Minerva’s waaaaay too far gone. It’s awful. 

I think that’s what stumps me about why she’s so loved in the way that she is. It’s not that I don’t understand why she’s complex and well-written, I get that perfectly fine. She’s a compelling character study when you comb over all her scenes and take different factors into account.

What I don’t understand is why we tend to just throw everything interesting about her away? For what? 

These days, I never see anyone talking about any of this unless they’re insisting she deserved a redemption arc which…. Eh, I’ll touch on this later. What I mostly see here and mostly other platforms is how great it would be if she and Clementine made out, or hey what if she and Violet got back together if she did come back to the school? Or they just….the best term I have for this is “uwu-ify.” As in she’s reduced to a caricature of a tall, pretty, mean, white lesbian who has “good damage.” 

People insist that Telltale are cowards or bastards because their predictions of her turning on the delta to save Clem and crew didn’t happen. Instead, Minerva ends up being the final baddie you gotta get away from, and she ends up taking someone down with her. But did you really expect to just do a 180 and suddenly decide being brainwashed for over a year was lame and Clementine and friends are cool? Gonna help them out and be with Tenn again? Sure, there’s some left over trauma but love conquers and fixes everything, right?

Uh…. no? That’s not how people work? Honestly, if we entertain the idea that Minerva wasn’t bit and somehow didn’t murder Clementine when they all got back to the school…. romance is the last thing she is ever gonna think of??

I think that’s what bothers me most when reading these au’s and rants about redemption and the entire idea of clemerva as a whole. It’s the same thing that I see happen with Violet- Minerva only has value to fans if she’s in a wlw relationship. By herself, she doesn’t matter. They don’t care about her canon story, they don’t care about Sophie, they don’t care about discussing what could’ve happened if she and Tenn reunited under better circumstances or had a healing recovery together. But why?

Throwing a girlfriend at her isn’t some band aid that’s gonna cover up all the bad she went through?? Having an enemies to lovers romance with Clementine isn’t going to fix a years worth of brainwashing, trauma or the fact that she murdered her own sister and the delta told her she's proved her worth to them?? 

Having the support of those around her is a good thing, don’t get me wrong. The idea of the Ericson crew as a whole trying to help her out and do the best they can to accommodate her is bittersweet since there’s only so much they can do. They’re not trained therapists, which is what Minerva would need and plenty of years ahead of her to work through and come to terms with everything that happened as well as taking steps forward. I’m not saying that she shouldn’t have friends or that she couldn’t have a healthy romantic relationship someday... but that isn’t the solution, y’know? 

I don’t know how else to explain this, but it makes me feel weird that all of this stuff is flat out overlooked or doesn’t appear to matter to fans of her. 

Look, I get it. We all want these characters to be happy. AU’s are a thing, after all. Sometimes we want to forget about the bad things and focus on the good that bring us comfort. You wanna gush about the idea of an AU where the twins never got traded, the raiders didn’t exist, and Clementine got to meet them the way they were before? I feel that, AU’s are super comforting and fun to explore, and my point isn’t to try and shame anyone who has an AU you like this. 

Hell, you think I don’t have days where I pretend mute Louis isn’t a thing because the whole concept of Louis having his tongue cut out of his mouth breaks my fucking heart? No, lot’s of days I just want to forget everything about that route, I want to set aside all the bad and just intake as much clouis fluff as I can get…. But that doesn’t mean I always ignore or refuse to acknowledge the bad just because I don’t like it. I fucking hate the fact that Louis loses his tongue when you don’t save him, but guess what? That’s a canon route you can play, just like any other route, and the possibilities that come with a mute Louis are vast and compelling. 

This is how it is for me… my favorite characters are my favorite for a reason, and I take all the bad with the good. Louis isn’t perfect, and I don’t want him to be. I was to dive into his backstory about why did that to his parents, I like to talk about what he went through with Marlon’s murder and his feelings about AJ and Clementine at the point, I like to view his love of music as bittersweet. He can stand on his own, and while he is a love interest for Clementine, that isn’t his only purpose. 

I know everyone’s different, they express their love for characters in their own ways, but I do have a genuine question: do you guys actually like Minerva?

Believe it or not, I’m not trying to step on toes or make everyone feel defensive which I know is how people will react to this. “You’re just saying all of this to make us feel bad for shipping clemerva! You don’t even like Minnie so you don’t get to say shit!” yeah yeah, I hear you and look, it’s true that she’s not my favorite character. I know I’ve said I hate her in the past but upon reflection and throwing out fandom interpretations.... I don’t hate her. I get it now. She’s a great character study to dissect and analyze and I think she deserves more than what the writers and the fandom have given her. 

And yeah, what I do hate is clemerva, and I’ve explained why. It’s not for me, it makes me uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, who cares? Me not liking it doesn’t mean anything to those who create AU’s for them. They have their reasons, they can do as they please as long as they’re not hurting anyone. I’m just here pointing out things I see and things that bother me in hopes of starting a discussion.

There’s my ramble about Minerva. I’m gonna go make some tea now. 

[sparklycardigan]

out of curiosity, what’s your particular fanon version of blair waldorf like?

The truth is *drum roll*: I'm not the biggest Blair fan out there :/ and I do know it's a big time plot twist of a statement coming from me ("C'mon her face is smiling at me from your profile picture Miss Sparkly Cardigan!!!!" you must be thinking), but it's true... and I'm even more certain about it now... I'm currently rewatching the show and I'm having serious trouble liking her... as opposed to Nate who I like even though I didn't during my initial viewer experience. My journey with Blair had a very Dan tone to it? Because I basically started to like her around s4 (early s3 maybe?) which is precisely when Dan began to feel that way about her (though I've always loved 1x04 it's! so! good!). Finding a character fascinating (I just think Blair is sbjehdjwudiejisis she's so interesting to think about, dedicating my brain cells to her specifically is always such a treat) and actually loving them for who they're painted to be are two very different things, let's leave it at that. But none of this was your question so here's my version of Blair:

The thing with my Blair is that she's still canon! Blair, it's just that she gets to learn more, understand more, focus on more than just the details, focus on the details of somebody else. Because for Blair, everyone's a cartoon character for as long as she can keep thinking about them that way. It's easy, it's familiar, it makes her feel like she's the main character, even though deep down she knows every single one of these personalities is more than just a trope or a plot device or a chess piece (Why is Blair's mind presenting itself as a giant chess board to me????? Anyways!). What's particularly interesting to me is that by doing this, Blair is reducing herself to someone she's not too and not in this glorifying narcissistic manner. The main character's role and story aren't up to the main character. They're up to the storyteller. And I think there's a certain part of Blair that's like: all of my life has already been written down for me ("Dan's a writer!!!!" Dan dares create his own narratives... huh... Dan's a person... oh). And if I'm the antagonist, I might as well play the role. (being with Dan makes her feel like she's somehow breaking the pattern which is why she comes back to Chuck, in my opinion. I touched upon a fragment of that in my tags here. (queues in one of my favorite posts on this app🥰)

And I don't know if I should categorize this as an interpretation or my fanon version of the character, but Blair is a lot about seeing things through a movie lens if you ask me? That's why her dreams sometimes lack color and sometimes have too much of it, either way it's an exaggerated version of her life. On top of that, the dreams are always a shout out to her favorite films and the thing with favorite films... you know how they're going to end even if you don't like the ending. And for Blair, it's good as long as it's familiar (even if it objectively sucks for everybody involved). It's the "I know something's off with Nate, but it's fine as long as we're together." logic. And she does express revolt against this destiny concept but she still believes in it despite everything she says on the matter and she hates that she believes in it, but she does... (Chuck's whole "two people who are meant to be together bla bla" speech can be interpreted... in a different way, let's say)

OKAY, this is turning into Blair meta, I was supposed to be writing my happy Blair headcanons here... guess I'm just not in the mood. The main bit is, my Blair gets to classify her mistakes as mistakes, learn from her experiences and grow to be a better person... not to become this caricature of her initial self like she did on the show... I just hate s6 so much...

[reputayswift]

Ever since I saw your exile literati gifset I cant get over how cyclical their relationship is! They really have seen this film before!! Why do you think Rory keeps coming back to Jess especially when she’s in a relationship with someone else?

Hey there! First off, thank you for checking out my Exile edit, I appreciate that a lot :) Secondly, this question sent me into an analytical spiral which is why you’re getting a response a few days late lol! I wanna preface this by saying that I’ve read a LOT of GG takes so anything I’m about to say has probably definitely been said more eloquently and concisely by someone else. Also I’m not going to get into comparing the boyfriends specifically because 1. I’ve watched the Jess eps more than any other so I don’t feel knowledgeable enough to talk on the other bfs 2. Conflict scares me :)

Okay so!

1. My (Somewhat) Reasonable Answer

I think they have a certain level of understanding that draws them back towards each other. I know Jess saying he “knows [Rory] better than anyone” in s6 is pretty controversial in the fandom (and I would never say Jess’s connection with Rory is deeper than her and, say, Lorelai’s) but that theme of “knowing”/mutual understanding crops up a lot for them (I’ve also seen a quote floating around from the writers saying they were intended to have a “meeting-of-the-minds” situation going on but all the sources I found for that were from Tumblr so not sure on the legitimacy of that).

Aside from both being bookworms they’re also both dealing with having others’ narrow expectations placed on them. The people of Stars Hollow (and in Jess’s case, his mother as well) reduce them to archetypes/caricatures of themselves (Town Sweetheart, Bad Boy). We see this pretty clearly when Taylor takes issue with Rory not wanting to play “Ice Cream Queen” once she sets her sights on college and Rory being hailed as the (literal) “poster-child of censorship.” Early on Jess susses out that Rory’s not exactly pleased with having this role forced on her (when Rory complains that her censorship poster is “stupid” Jess responds that “it’s the people who are stupid” and switches around the movie discs to get it taken down), which is one of our first glimpses at this understanding/peeling-back-their-images theme.

Teach Me Tonight has probably some of the most obvious examples of this. When Rory asks Jess why he’s not planning on attending college (when she knows that he’s more than capable, despite his lack of effort in school) he says:

“Ask my mother, she could give you a couple reasons. Oh, and I’m sure Principal Merton can chime in with a few good ones. In fact, ask your mother. She doesn’t know me all that well but I’m sure she could improvise a few things.”

Notice his response has everything to do with others’ uninformed expectations and nothing to do with his own desires! Then we have Rory saying her dream is to be an overseas correspondent and Jess initially thinking it sounds “a little too rough for [her]” (going off of that gentle Town Sweetheart assumption) then immediately pushing that away and assuring her she’ll do it.

Then we have Lorelai’s Graduation Day/The New York ep which is a huge turning point for their relationship! This whole interaction when Rory boards the bus back home really emphasizes the breaking-through-expectations point:

“Why did you come here?... I mean, you ditched school and everything. That's so not you. Why'd you do it?”

“Because, you didn't say goodbye.”

“Oh...Bye, Rory.”

Especially in conjunction with Rory’s confusion regarding her own actions after the fact:

“This is not who I am. If I were to write this down in my diary and I would read it, I would be like, Who is this freak? This isn't me.This isn't my diary. I wouldn't do this. I wouldn't skip school when I have finals coming up to go see a guy that isn't even my guy and end up missing my mother's graduation, which I wanted to be at so badly. That's someone else. That's someone flighty and stupid and dumb and girly.”

So we not only have Rory going against her own responsible schoolgirl image, but also Rory breaking through Jess’s assumption that people expect/desire him to leave (not caring enough for a warning or explanation). My friend @sanssa has a great post expanding on this better than I ever could :)

Alright so! The controversial s6 “WHY DID YOU DROP OUT OF YALE?” ep! Jess showing up (denim jacket, tousled hair, sparkly eyes...) having finally harnessed his own smarts with a published book is perhaps the perfect example of how the Jess x Rory relationship empowers them to seek out their own desires despite expectations:

“Jess, you've got such a great brain. I knew that if you could just sit down and stop shaking it around, you could do something like this. I knew it. I knew it.”

“I know you did...I just basically wanted to show you that. Uh, tell you...tell you that I couldn't have done it without you.”

Fast-forward to their mid-dinner argument, where Jess says:

“I know you better than anyone. This isn't you...What are you doing? Living at your grandparents' place, being in the DAR, no Yale — Why did you drop out of Yale?!

You could (and many have!) argue that this wasn’t his place to interfere (if you’re not invested in Jess I can completely understand how having the boyfriend with the least screen-time show up — tousled and sparkly as he may be — to tell her he knows her best and she’s — in kinder words — wasting her life away would have you saying “Who’s this guy?” lol) but when you look at their history of pushing past each others’ fronts and get to Rory’s resulting realization;

“[Jess is] doing something...I’m not. I mean, what am I doing? I'm living with my grandparents... I'm palling with my grandmother and being waited on by a maid. I come home, and my shoes are magically shined. My clothes are magically clean, ironed, and laid out. My bed is magically turned down. I'm in the DAR? I'm going to meetings and teas and cocktail parties?... And wasting my time partying and drinking, just hanging out doing nothing,”

I personally interpret it as him telling her a hard truth she was shielding herself from accepting. And of course we see his intervention in-part sets off her reconnecting with Lorelai and getting back on track with her schooling/dreams, in much the same way Rory pushing past his “no one expects anything of me so I’m going to do nothing with my life” assumption motivates him to pursue writing more seriously.

Then finally we get to the Revival where Jess finds Rory in a slump again and encourages her to write a book about her and her mother:

“Where is this coming from? What inspired you?”

“I was frustrated. I was talking to Jess —”

...

“Last night I outlined the first five chapters just like that. That’s a sign...This is it, this is what I’m supposed to do.”

TL;DR: They understand each other in a way that lets them see past others’ assumptions/expectations to the true, complicated them in a way that empowers them to follow their dreams and be better versions of themselves

2. My Extremely Biased Hopeless Romantic Answer

There’s some sort of soulmate/red string of fate thing going on, Alexa play Invisible String

[damienthepious]

it’s too goddamn cold&snowy here right now so i dove back into my summer-y-est fic <3

Made A Garden (chapter 4)

[ch 1] [ch 2] [ch 3] [ao3]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Lord Arum, Rilla’s Parents, The Keep

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, (categorized as ‘other’ bc arum is nonbinary when i write him bye), Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, POV Alternating, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings, edited to feature my Rilla’s Two Dads theory

Fic Summary: Rilla’s parents take her out when they do field work. She’s a smart kid, and she knows how not to get in trouble when they’re caught up with their experiments and research. This time, they’ve taken her to an enormous, beautiful swamp, and their theory is that the monstrous presence in this place should be entirely dormant- which is why Rilla is so surprised, when she meets a monster for herself.

Chapter Summary: A conversation, an argument, and an interruption.

Notes: Please appreciate these children. Please. I care them................ also idk if this needs warning for, really, but i guess chapter warning for an adult Being An Asshole to a child? yeah.

~

"Why did you decide to start actually talking to me?" Rilla asks, laying lazily back on the thick trunk of a fallen tree, her hand draped to trail fingers in the slow-moving water beneath it.

Arum looks away from her, sinking his face further into the water for a long moment before he rises enough to answer.

"Well..." he says slowly, "when I determined that you and your... kin posed nothing of a threat-"

"Which I told you the first time we met," she interrupts in a chirp, and Arum scowls up at her until she laughs. His snout twitches then, a tell she's beginning to suspect means that he's burying a laugh of his own, and then the monster sighs.

"Which I needed to have proven, for the safety of my lands and my own self," he amends, hissing. "I decided that you should have an eye kept on you."

"And..." Rilla tilts her head back, her long braid rolling off the log enough that the end dips into the water beneath her. "You decided to do that yourself?"

Arum raises an eyebrow. "Who else would?"

She shrugs, her shoulder pressing against the bark beneath her. "Mm, I dunno? I just figured- you're the Lord of this place, right?"

"I am," he says, stiff and proud.

"So, I figured you'd, like, have someone else you could send, if you wanted to keep an eye on us?"

Arum growls, though he looks more sullen than angry at the assumption. "Perhaps I simply didn't want to risk any of my subjects in the effort, just in case I was wrong about you."

"In case..." she trails off, and then she blinks. "So, what, you'd risk yourself, first?"

"I can take care of myself," he snaps, his frill flaring quick enough to splash a little halo of water around his face for a moment, rippling across the surface of the pond. "And- and a good ruler is concerned for his subjects before himself, anyway. That is my entire purpose."

Rilla tilts her head a bit more, trying to get a better look at the vague purple blush coloring the webbing of his frill. "Huh," she says, and then his words sink in a bit more. "But- if you got yourself hurt-"

"I can take care of myself," he spits again, and she frowns.

"But if," she insists, "if something bad happened, who would take care of the swamp, then?"

Arum scowls up at her, and then he ducks his head beneath the water entirely. For a second she thinks that he's just going to disappear again, and she sits up, the wet tip of her braid flicking water along her arm, but then Arum reemerges a few feet down the log. He flings himself out of the water like a salmon, then pulls himself onto the log ahead in front of her, easy and oddly elegant.

"You," he growls, glaring at her with his claws digging into the bark, "ask altogether too many questions."

"Is... is that an observation?" she asks slowly, "or do you- do you want me to-"

He exhales an exaggerated huff, then sits back on the log and lets his tail drape over the side. "You may do whatever you want," he says, not for the first time, "so long as you understand that I may do the same. Meaning that I will not answer, if I don't feel like doing so."

Rilla pulls one of her legs up, hugging her knee against her chest and letting her other leg dangle. "Yeah," she says, and then she grins. "Yeah, you've kinda made that pretty obvious by now."

"Good," he mutters, and then he flicks his tail in the water, splashing her leg.

She laughs again, surprised, and Arum's snout twitches.

"Okay," she says. "Okay, mister secrets, I'm totally and completely informed that you're not gonna answer anything you don't want to, but you have to know that I'm still not gonna stop asking." She grins, and the monster frowns at her, and then sighs in an exaggerated way and looks off towards the edge of the pond instead. "So unless you're gonna tell me to stop-"

"I rule my swamp, Amaryllis. Obviously I do not rule you. As I said, you may-"

"Do whatever I want," she parrots, bouncing her head back and forth. "You don't ask questions basically at all, do you?"

"If you wished to tell me about yourself, you would," Arum answers with a shrug, and then- he smirks. Rilla doesn't think she's seen that particular look on his face before, actually. "In fact," he continues, "you have. I don't need to ask, Amaryllis. You are perfectly content to share the bland details of humanity without any prodding whatsoever."

"Humans aren't bland," Rilla says. "Just because you're bored all the time doesn't make everything else boring, it just means you aren't looking hard enough."

"Tell me something interesting, then," he says, leaning his head back and draping himself dramatically across the log, and for half a second he almost reminds her of Marc. She buries a laugh at the idea of the two of them meeting - Tal would get along with Arum better, she thinks - and thoughtfully drums her fingers off her chin.

"What sorts of things do you actually like?" she asks. "I'll be less likely to bore you if I know that much, at least."

The monster rumbles in his chest without opening his eyes, then makes a humming noise. "Blade combat," he says simply. "Music. Pollinators. Translations and ciphers. Questions within questions."

Rilla purses her lips for a moment. "Questions?"

"Indeed."

"So- wait. No, no- we just talked about this. You don't like questions."

Arum glances up at her, then, his mouth curling into a frown. "I think I know better than you do, what I like."

"If you liked questions, you wouldn't get so annoyed at me when I asked them."

"I don't dislike your questions," he says, sitting up again. "I dislike that you assume that all of them will be answered. A decent question will only lead to further questions, and trying to neatly tie anything to a single, simple solution will only reduce a thing from its true nature to a caricature of itself."

"If you can never find the answers, then how are any of the questions useful?"

"It's not about usefulness," he says. "It's about understanding, both the nature of inquiry itself and your own small place in the infinite."

Rilla frowns hard. "Those were a bunch of big words that mostly seemed to mean basically nothing."

Arum blinks, then gives a shocked, incredulous laugh. "How- how dare-"

"Even if a question leads to a bigger question, a bigger question is still an answer, Arum. Knowing that you don't know enough is still an answer. That's just- that's all just dumb semantics."

Arum sputters for a moment, then narrows his eyes. "I would say, I think, that the argument that a question is an answer is far more a matter of dumb semantics than the assertion that not all questions have answers, Amaryllis. You simply do not know what you're talking about."

"If you're not even trying to get to the bottom of the questions you ask, then maybe you're the one who doesn't know what you're talking about," Rilla says, and Arum scowls again, more viciously this time. "I think it's better to actually know things, instead of just- making everything even more confusing. Isn't the world already confusing enough?"

"Maybe for creatures as petty and small-minded as humans," Arum growls low, but as he opens his mouth to continue-

There's a noise. Unexpected, and out of place enough that it takes Rilla a moment to recognize it.

A small whinny, not all that far off.

When Rilla meets Arum's eyes again she knows he heard it too. He looks exactly as scared as she feels.

"Hide," she hisses, and Arum's wide eyes go wider.

"You hide," he snarls, slipping off the log and back into the water. "It could be anyone, you don't know-"

"Horse could mean knight," Rilla snaps, and Arum's frill flattens against his neck. "Just hide and-"

The brush at the edge of the pond rustles, and Rilla hears Arum gasp before he slips beneath the surface entirely, and Rilla holds her breath as she turns to see whatever pushes through the foliage at the edge of the pond.

Rilla doesn't think she's ever been less happy to be correct, before. The knight frowns down at her from beneath his helmet and atop his sandy-brown horse, and Rilla tries to lean into her surprise so the guilt hopefully won't show.

"Oh!" she says, pressing a hand to her chest as she scrambles to stand on the log. "Oh, I- you scared me! I didn't hear you, and-"

The knight narrows his eyes, and Rilla realizes that his hand is resting on the pommel of his sword as his gaze sweeps suspiciously across the shore.

"What is a little girl like you doing out in the wilds all by yourself?" the knight says slowly, and Rilla-

Rilla isn't the best at reading people, but something about the way his mouth curls, the way his eyes stay suspiciously narrowed, something tells her that his tone is less concerned for her, and more concerned by her.

"Oh," she says, and she tries to smile. "Well, I'm not by myself," she says. "My parents are- they're not far."

"Hm," the knight says, and then he swings himself down out of the saddle.

Rilla takes the moment to glance down, and- and she has to hold herself very very still to keep from flinching when she realizes that Arum is still in the water beneath her. She was certain that he'd be- completely gone by now, safe and away and- and she widens her eyes at him quickly while the knight is still busy with the horse, and she jerks her head to the side, trying to tell him- get out of here, obviously, get away-

But Arum glares up at her, his violet eyes furious, and then he jerks his own snout towards the knight.

"Who were you talking to?"

Rilla jolts, wobbling on the log before she regains her footing.

"Wh-what? I- I don't know what you're-"

"I heard voices. Who were you talking to?" the knight repeats, his hand still on his pommel even after dismounting.

His eyes are icy and sharp and unsettling, and Rilla decides that she's really, really glad that she's out in the middle of the pond, instead of on the shore with him.

"I-" Rilla pauses, then lowers her eyes, shuffling her feet as if embarrassed. "I was talking to myself," she says quietly. "I know I shouldn't-"

"You were shouting at yourself?" the knight drawls, dubious, and Rilla tries to smile. If it comes out awkward- well, that'll work too, right?

"Y-yeah. I was- I was making up an argument? I- I'm not good at- at arguing for real, so I like to- to practice? Sometimes? When I'm on my own?"

"Well," the knight mutters, looking away, "I believe you're not good at talking, at least."

Rilla swallows, ducking her head, and-

And in the water beneath her, Arum rolls his eyes hard enough to make a little ripple on the surface above him, and then he makes a face as if he's gagging on a piece of rotten fruit. Rilla presses her lips together tight, choking down an almost overpowering urge to laugh.

"Your parents," the knight says, and Rilla's eyes flick back up from the water to his sullen, stubborn face instead. "They let you wander around in monster-infested wilderness all by yourself, then?"

"They- um. I mean- this place is pretty safe, and- and they aren't far."

"That's what you said before,"

"Do-" Rilla swallows. "Do you want me to- to call them? I can- I have a whistle, I can-"

The knight seems to consider this, looking her up and down as if checking for weapons and then scanning his eyes around the shore again quickly, and then he adjusts his stance, his frame tensing before he nods. "I think you had better, little girl. Go on, whistle for them."

Does he think that I'm a monster? Rilla thinks, feeling maybe just the littlest bit panicked, and then she raises her hand to her neck to lift the whistle.

They have a whole system, Rilla and her parents, for the emergency whistle. There's a call for monster, there's a call for injured, a call for someone else injured, a call for not-an-emergency-but-you'll-really-wanna-see-this-right-now-it's-cool, a call for I'm lost, among others. Rilla doesn't use any of those right now, though, because her parents don't think about magic and medicine exactly the same way that the King does, so-

Rilla lifts the whistle to her lips, and she gives the call that means that she's spotted a knight nearby.

The knight tenses further, as if he's fully expecting to be swarmed or something, and when nothing immediately jumps to attack him he glares at Rilla again. She- barely manages to fake a smile, certain that she must just look like she's showing teeth at this point, but it takes less than a minute for her dad to come bolting out of the underbrush on the far side of the pond.

"Rilla- Rilla what's wrong?" he says in a rush, and he's always been a better actor than Rilla or her papa. When he swings his eyes across the pond and 'notices' the knight, the flash of surprise on his face looks entirely genuine. "Oh- oh, I'm so sorry, Sir-"

"Sir Caradoc," he says, his expression bemused (surprised, Rilla thinks, that she was telling the truth) despite his flat, toneless voice. "The Dauntless."

"An honor," her dad says, smiling sharply, "and what a surprise to meet a knight this far from the Citadel! What- Rilla, why did you..."

He trails off, his sharp on her own, and Rilla manages a weak smile of her own. "He- he was- worried? That I was out here all on my own, so- so I wanted- I wanted to show him that I was- that you were here, if I was got in trouble."

Her dad exhales, something like a sigh, and then he nods and turns his attention back to Sir Caradoc. "Well, I'm glad nothing's wrong, at the least. Thank you so much for looking out for my daughter out here, Sir Caradoc. Please- would you come back to camp with us? I'm sure you're out here on important business, but the least we could do is get a hot meal in you before you've gotta be on your way, right?"

Caradoc raises an eyebrow, but after a moment his lip turns up into a very slight smile, and he nods.

"It'd be a pleasant change of pace," he says. "Been weeks since I've had a meal I didn't cook myself, and I'll admit I'm not as good with a ladle as I am with my sword."

Her dad's smile goes wider and more forced at the reminder of the weapon, but he laughs lightly anyway. "Great! Rilla, c'mon back to shore, now. We might not be home, but we've got company to look out for, yeah?"

Rilla nods, plastering on a smile that she hopes looks as honest as her dad's, and then she- she aims herself so she won't land right on top of Arum, and she hops into the water.

When she's under the surface she cracks her eyes open, and Arum is- closer than she expects. His eyes are narrowed and bright, even through the murk of the water, and when she makes a vague get out of here motion with her hands, he scowls even harder, and then he reaches out and grips one of her wrists. He flicks his eyes towards the surface, then back towards Rilla, and he squeezes lightly before he lets her go again, retreating further down into the muddy detritus at the bottom of the pond.

Rilla gives him one more glance (she can barely see him, obviously he knows exactly how to blend in), and then she kicks her way back to the surface, and then over to the edge of the water where her dad can reach down and lift her back out.

Her dad keeps hold of her hand when she's back on shore, and he squeezes soothingly as Sir Caradoc leads his horse around the pond to join them, trampling through the brush with authoritative carelessness.

"We'll be fine," her dad says under his breath, before the knight will be able to hear them again, and Rilla nods.

She already knew that, actually. She knows they'll be fine, because her papa is clever and her dad is confident and charismatic. She knows they'll be fine because her dad is holding her hand.

As Sir Caradoc comes closer, batting aside a hanging branch and wearing his bland, professional smile, Rilla thinks about Arum's hand, too. She thinks about the odd texture of his scales against her skin, the way he frowned when he squeezed her wrist, the intensity of his eyes under the water.

Rilla is pretty sure - pretty sure - that what he actually meant to say with that little squeeze was be careful.

Pretty good advice, Rilla thinks, if the coldness in Sir Caradoc's eyes above that smile is anything to go by.

[aspoonofsugar]

What do you think about Camilla and her guards’ nen? Do you think any of her guards will actually be able to kill/harm the other princes with their “curses”? I thought it was kind of weird that Camilla is one of the princes most adamant about winning/killing other princes yet has nen that only works if she dies, but maybe she’s just smarter than she looks and planned ahead? Idk I think abt her a lot but I haven’t come up w any answers

Hello anon!

I have talked about Camilla here.

Many of the thoughts in the meta I linked are still relevant, but by that point we did not know that Camilla’s guards are Have-Nots. To discover about them made her whole character more interesting to me.

As far as your questions are concerned, I actually think Camilla’s ability fits her ego-centric attitude. From the meta linked above:

Benjamin takes the powers of his dead soldiers to become stronger, whereas Camilla takes the lives of the ones who hurt her in order to come back to life. So, for Benjamin it is about honouring one’s comrades, while for Camilla it is about punishing her enemies.

I have mentioned in the Benjamin’s meta that it might be possible that this arc will deal with grieving and the acceptance of death. When it comes to this, Camilla’s ability may represent a total refusal of death since her nen power is literally resurrection.

It is interesting to underline how such a strong inability to accept death can be symptomatic of a childish vision of the world like the one Camilla displays multiple times. After all growing up means also to accept death as a part of life.

In short, Camilla, despite being older than the majority of her siblings is depicted as childish and her nen ability which negates death might be just another hint at this trait of her personality.

Camilla’s ability is a selfish-one because it takes others’ lives and makes them hers. At the same time, it is also linked to a primary concern, which is survival, and, in the end, it is nothing more than a very powerful and extreme defense-mechanism. After all, the whole point of counteractive nen abilities is to take damage and to give it back to the attackers. In other words, they are reactive abilities, which are useful only if an external attack happens. What makes Camilla’s power different from other counteractive ones (like Feitan’s) is that Camilla’s ability is extreme. It is extreme in the damage she is ready to take to activate her power (she is ready to die) and it is extreme in the damage it gives others (she kills them). All in all, the fact that Camilla came up with such an ability shows how the environment around her made her feel threatened to the point that her power is one which deals directly with death. It would have been a useless ability for a person living in a peaceful context.

At the same time, Camilla’s ability is also one which does not care about others’ lives and makes use of them. This fits with Camilla’s idea that everything revolves around her. This is another trait of her personality which is childish:

That said, Camilla’s childishness is noticeable mostly because of how ego-centric she is:

Camilla’s feelings are reflected in her nen beast:

A coercitive type ability means that the manipulator controls both the mind and the body of the target and this mirrors Camilla’s desire of control towards others:

Here, Camilla tries to control even her own mother and orders her around. However, I think Camilla’s interactions with Duazul might hint at something deeper than a capricious woman who wants everyone under her thumb.

As a matter of fact Duazul seems to me as the kind of mother who would let Camilla do whatever she likes:

This would explain why Camilla is how she is since she is basically a caricature of a spoiled brat. At the same time, though, I think Duazul’s behaviour is odd.

At the end of the day, in the two scenes above we have a daughter asking her mother for help and her mother negating it and a mother letting her child march towards danger without doing anything. Especially when it comes to this second case, we should consider that everybody could see that what Camilla was doing was crazy, but Duazul let her go and even stopped others from trying to reprehend Camilla.

In short, Duazul strikes me as a distant mother to Camilla, the kind of mother who would give her child whatever they want, but who doesn’t ultimately care that much or who wouldn’t show it particularly at least. I wouldn’t be surprised if Camilla’s odd behaviour turned out to be nothing more than a way to ask for support and for attention, not by the world as she says, but by her parents.

In short, Camilla is very childish and her ability reflects it to an extent. It is an ability linked to a primary wish of survival and to the refusal of death. What is more, it is a power which puts Camilla on top of others. Finally, it makes Camilla feel invincible, even if this is false. As a matter of fact Camilla’s power is strong, but not perfect. For example, a manipulation technique would be efficient against her. Who cares if she is alive if she is reduced to a zombie without a will of her own? And what would happen if she is forced to kill herself while she is manipulated? Will her ability still work against the person who manipulated her or it won’t? And what if the person who kills her dies the moment he kills her? Moreover there is also the possibility that her ability is stolen by someone. What would happen then? Finally, Camilla using zetsu to increase her chances to die makes so that he guardian beast can’t really show its powers nor protect her. As you can see, there are different ways to handle Camilla and her failed attempt to kill Benjamin proves it. All Benjamin had to do to make Camilla harmless was to avoid killing her and to restrain her.

All these considerations are about Camilla herself, but let’s know address her private guards aka the Have-Nots. Them being Camilla’s soldiers is a very interesting detail for multiple reasons. First of all it is surprising that a person so self-centred like Camilla would give the poorest people in society a chance to shine. Why did she do so? Was it just for utilitaristic reasons or there is more to Camilla than what meets the eye? Was it a reaction to Benjamin being the leader fo the military? Since Camilla could not count on regular soldiers did she look where nobody else would have? All in all, I hope Camilla’s reasoning will be explored more.

At the same time, the Have-Nots can be read as foils of Camilla herself. As a matter of fact both the prince and her guards use post-mortem nen, but their approaches to it are basically opposite.

On one hand Camilla gives her life so much importance that she has used her nen to make herself immortal. She gives her life to kill others and to be given her life back to her.

On the other hand the Have-Nots give their lives so little importance that they are ready to live and to die with the sole purpose of killing another person. Consider that in order for the Have-Nots’ curse to work they must spend months or even years thinking about their target and must keep an object linked to them. In other words, they must really live in function of their death and their death will only accomplish the death of another person. Nothing more and nothing less.

What is more, it is interesting that the Have-Nots have decided to bring back a use, which was considered outdated even by the strongly classist society of Kakin. The practice of the after-life companions forced members of the Have-Nots to be buried together with a prince, so that they could keep the prince company in the afterlife. Now, I think there are two possible ways to read Camilla’s guards’ nen ability.

On one hand Camilla’s guards have taken an old practice and have twisted its meaning. As a matter of fact, in the past, the Have-Nots had to die for the dead prince’s sake, while right now they die to kill a prince. One could see this twisting as a way to refuse their previous social-standing and a way to reclaim their personhood.

On the other hand the Have-Nots choosing to base their nen ability on an outdated practice which dehumanizes them shows how frail their sense of self still is, despite Camilla supposedly granting them privileges. In the end, the Have-Nots think so little of themselves that they can only feel they can kill a prince if they die as a consequence of it. There is also the fact that, as far as we know, they all (with some exceptions) share the same nen ability. All in all, nen is a practice which lets people express their individuality, but here we have a group of people who all share the same ability. Morevoer this ability is one which demands their death to work.

In short, Camilla and the Have-Nots are opposites. Camilla is too self-centered and too self-important, while the Have-Nots are too self-hating. This might also be why they work well together. As a matter of fact Camilla wants to be put at the centre of the world and this is what the Have-Nots do. This makes so that, at first glance, they complement each other pretty well.

Finally, will the Have-Nots succeed in killing someone? I think their nen-ability is real, so it should work. That said, if they manage to kill someone, it will most likely be an unimportant prince and certainly not Wobble. Who knows? Maybe their failure to kill Wobble will make their ability known and it will make acting more difficult for them.

Thank you for the ask!

[littlestsnicket]

community rewatching continues, mostly done with season 4. usually i skip season 4 so it’s been a while since i’ve seen it.

- megan ganz GETS britta. she’s the only character that consistently feels like herself. (also, i live for the casual references to jeff being not great in bed, and there’s an uptick in those this season.)

- the muppet episode is unwatchable garbage. i recoiled the first time they started singing and actually for real physically flinched and immediately pressed the button to skip to the next episode when i got to the confession part. just... eeugh, cringe. not good.

- there are two (2) episodes that i think are really solid.

(1) the inspector space time episode: i really like troy and britta’s relationship here, and the complete and utter subversion of the girlfriend pushing the best friend out of the relationship trope. and also that abed ultimately believes that he is important to troy. I also kind of like the annie/jeff stuff in this episode? like... i like how weird and committed to play acting annie is, and her speech about fantasies at the end and if this had affected their relationship where annie realizes she needs to be more careful because jeff is an actual human person she has a real non-fantasy relationship with i would unreservedly like this. but it establishes the new “normal” for how they interact over this season so it’s ultimately really gross.

(2) the body swap episode fucking nails troy and abed’s relationship. it’s, maybe, the only episode that i felt got abed right. and i love how perceptive abed is show to be able to talk to britta as troy. and what this shows about how close and platonically intimate troy and abed’s relationship is and i love it! i love that troy and britta’s relationship just didn’t work. that so rarely happens on tv, and it feels really real. also... the dean trying to body swap with jeff entertains me a lot. the lenord is the valedictorian subplot doesn’t actually make any sense, but whatever. annie and shirley’s rivalry is good here. (even though it doesn’t really make sense to me that shirley’s grades are that good? she’s definitely smart enough to get straight a’s at a garbage community college but her focus is elsewhere—starting a business and having a family would be more important to her than that extra work.)

- abed and rachel are not enough to redeem the rest of the episode they are in (this is the ultimate low point of what we see of troy and britta’s relationship and, actually, also troy and abed’s relationship, ugh.) but ABED AND RACHEL!

things that are generally, not episode specific, not quite right:

- i wish britta and troy’s relationship explicitly acknowledged that britta is not a healthy person and is explicitly attracted to unavailable men. troy is as available as she can handle—she can only put up with his genuine kindness and attentiveness as long as she knows she comes second to abed.

- the way the dean interacts with jeff is very uncomfortable. i keep thinking about the bit in season 6, where the dean likens him coming out as a scarf trick. his obsession with jeff is orders of magnitude less creepy when he’s showing the same focus on other things. the singlemindedness is really ick.

- kind of feels like they softened off a lot of jeff’s pricklyness. do not approve. and a lot of the winger speeches feel really trite and far too honest.

- troy is really reduced to abed’s sidekick. his relationship with britta gets very little screen time and he has nothing else going on. the whole truest repairman plot just evaporated and isn’t replaced with anything else. and we loose a lot of the complexity of troy and abed’s relationship that is built up in season 3.

- the hacked together cameras in the documentary episode... why in the world does abed have less access to tech here than he did in earlier seasons? it’s such a stupid gag. (but ken’s performance as “kevin” is really good; he is so fucking earnest, it’s adorable. that’s good, and the school board members showing up is good too.)

- why has jeff moved? his apartment looks totally different than it did in earlier seasons.

- annie and abed have approximately no meaningful interactions this season and they are my favorite. so that’s garbage. annie knows him better than to set him up with a caricature of a manic pixie dream girl.

[themattress]

On “The Rising of the Shield Hero”:

@ultraericthered on this post said about TROTSH: “The twisted fun of this series in the light novel, anime, and manga mediums is watching people try, to the best of their abilities, to make an enjoyable and acceptable story out of a source material that was anything but.”

Honestly, I think nowhere is that more clear than the resolution to the series’ original story arc. Billed even in official marketing as a “revenge story”, the first arc culminates in the moment where Naofumi the Shield Hero can finally exact his vengeance upon the corrupt King and Princess who had wronged him and made his life a living Hell. It’s the big climax.

And yet across all four versions, this moment is never the same in any of them!

In the original web novel, Naofumi is given the power to determine Aultcray and Malty’s fate...and yet he doesn’t. At all. I’m serious, he is manipulated by Queen Merellia at every turn and is basically led to the exact outcome he ends up “choosing” (having Aultcray and Malty officially renamed “Trash” and “Bitch” and made a humiliating public spectacle of). Why the fuck is the writer denying his protagonist full agency in this pivotal moment!? Well, I guess it’s because he never wanted this to be the concluding moment for Trash and Bitch, given the gratuitous torture porn they get placed in later on. I don’t know what the deal was with the writer’s real life ex-girlfriend and her father, but he certainly takes it out on them in his writing. But not only is this just unpleasant, but it robs the first story arc of a strong conclusion.

In the light novel, the first major change is that this whole moment is initiated by Bitch being given a slave crest on her body and thus forced to admit the undeniable truth of how she and her father framed Naofumi. Afterwards, there is more of an actual dialogue between Naofumi and Merellia concerning Trash and Bitch’s fates, as to what would be considered going too far, what wouldn't’ be far enough, where the line between self-satisfying vengeance and objective justice can be drawn, and stuff like that. Most importantly, Naofumi’s conclusion is made by him alone after Bitch attempts to act remorseful and sweet-talk him with dialogue about how revenge is pointless - realizing that it’s far more efficient to strike at such a shameless person through their ego rather than through any physical harm, he decides on the name-changing, public humiliation route. Overall: not half bad, a marked improvement.

The manga has hands-down the best version of the scene. When Merellia gives the power to determine Trash and Bitch’s fates over to Naofumi, his facial expression immediately conveys that he would much rather not. In both the web and light novels, Naofumi immediately demands the death penalty. But the manga’s version of Naofumi is far more self-aware and has a stronger sense of emotional balance, and he clearly recognizes that he’d only get conflicted over various factors and his personal feelings when it comes to making this kind of decision. But THEN Bitch tries her anti-vengeance sweet-talking, which was the dumbest thing she could do, as it sets off Naofumi’s PTSD and NOW he demands the death penalty for her and Trash. In the previous versions, once Merellia takes this option off the table it was Naofumi who started to consider various forms of physical torture. But here, Merellia herself brings them all up as suggestions. Recognizing just how much power she is granting him even at the cost of her own kin, Naofumi softens up and does the whole name-changing, public humiliation punishment for the Queen’s sake, as he wants to return this favor to her.

But then we got the anime, and....um, what the fuck is this? There is no debate on the matter, Naofumi isn’t even granted the right to decide anything up-front: Mereliia just up and gives the death penalty to her husband and eldest daughter! And the kingdom’s citizens are initially horrified by this, only for them to learn the truth of what Trash and Bitch have done and thus in the very next scene are unanimously crying out for their blood. If this wasn’t stupid enough, Naofumi randomly has a prophetic nightmare of their exact method of execution: death by guillotine. For some reason it disturbs him so much that he is conflicted the whole way through as this is being set up. Surely his own revenge fantasies have been darker than this!

Then, on top of having already creepily sexualized Bitch’s spasms caused by the slave crest, the show proceeds to creepily sexualize her writhing around, crying and begging for her life as she is readied for the guillotine drop. WHY? Who asked for this!? Merellia is increasingly anguished and it’s revealed after the fact that when it came time for her to give the order for the guillotine to drop, she was instead intending on ordering herself to be put to death in her husband and daughter’s place! THAT was her plan!? She’s supposed to be this brilliant manipulator and yet she couldn’t think of anything that doesn’t involve someone dying!?

Finally, at the last minute we have Naofumi making his choice, but the context behind why he makes it is radically different. Bitch addresses him by name and starts pleading with him to save her, and while he proceeds to say in his public speech what his train of thought was in the light novel as a justification for halting the execution - that someone as shameless as this deserves much worse than death or even physical injury - the animation of his face in the moment Bitch made her pleas tells an entirely different story: to put it simply, Naofumi halts the execution because he’s overcome by pity, he actually feels sorry for Bitch in spite of everything because she’s been reduced to such a pathetic, demeaning state where she has to sincerely beg him, whom she loathes, by name, to save her life. And...OK, this might have been an interesting turn if the way Naofumi was written and developed up to this point supported it, but that’s just not the case. That the jaded, cold-blooded, vindictive guy we’d just spent the last 20 episodes watching would do such a 180 on what he wanted to see happen to the people he hated the most, the very people who made him so jaded, cold-blooded and vindictive to begin with, is a bridge way too far to make any logical sense to most viewers.

Also, changing the moment to this degree makes Bitch’s role in it a lot bigger, and thus would naturally have ramifications for her going forward. So...does it? Does Bitch develop from this moment and become less of a one-note, misogynistic caricature of a female mega-villain? 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA - NOPE!

So in conclusion, it’s clear that from medium to medium TROTSH has no idea what kind of story it’s supposed to be telling if such a key moment, the culmination of the story as it was being told thus far, can keep shifting so radically. And...yeah, that’s kind of its twisted fun.

As for my ranking of how this moment: Manga > Light Novel > Web Novel > Anime. 

[dalekofchaos]

Biggest wasted potential in Naruto

Killing off Zabuza and Haku. Like come on. Zabuza could’ve either went on to become a Jonin at Konoha and fought against Kisame, or if Haku were alive. Zabuza and Haku would’ve eventually become powerful enough to pull a successful coup and otherthrow Obito’s puppet and Zabuza would become Mizukage with Haku by his side. Naruto could’ve inspired to turn the Hidden Mist into being better, Naruto did get to Zabuza’s heart so it is possible, it worked for Gaara and it damn well could’ve worked with Zabuza. And we could have Zabuza and Haku taking on the entire Swordsmen of the hidden Mist. We could’ve also gotten Haku finding out more about his clan and becoming more powerful in his abilities. We could’ve seen feats in his powers far more powerful than the demon ice mirrors.  

The Hyuga Clan. Building up the Hyuga Clan as one of the strongest clans  in the first half and barely using them to the point where they are underdeveloped and barely acknowledge the Byakugan. Remember when the Byakugan was supposed to be more powerful than the sharingan (and the sharingan was originally derived from the byakugan)? Such a powerful blood trait that the main branch of the clan would enslave the side branches to keep it safe? Yeah that went out the window pretty quickly.

The White Fang. Kakashi's father who is even more famous and powerfull than Kakashi. Who is at least famous as The Sannin. The White Fang of Konoha. There are no games, no Gaiden, movie or anything about him. We could’ve seen The White Fang brought back to fight against Kakashi and Kakashi could’ve been brought closure. It’s a damn shame.

Shino. Shino Aburame was the strongest Genin and he was the most myterious one and one the coolest among all Genins. He was as smart as Shikimaru, skilled as Sasuke and resilient as Neji. He is from one of the noble clans of Konohagakure and Clan Leader's son. After shippuden he completely ignored and only seeing in filler episodes. Even Akamaru and Tonton has more screen time than Shino. And making Shino a Chunnin as Class Teacher at the end? Shino should be a wanderer, a researcher, a S-Class Jonin as sensor or a duty at central intelligence.

The fact that we never learn anything about Konohamaru’s parents. Could they have just been Jonin or Anbu or Ninjas who died in the Kyuubi attack? We will never know.

Kurenai. Youngest of the 4 Leader Jonin of Konoha. Even at her young age she is stated as roughly equal to other senseis’ such as Gai, Kakashi and Asuma. Her genjutsu was so powerful, she was good enough to stunt instantly a guy like Kisame with her fundamental genjutsu and also she was good at breaking Itachi's genjutsu by her own. Where would this go from here? Who from the Akatsuki will she face? What role will she play in the war? And she’s reduced to Asuma’s love interest and made pregnant for the rest of the series. We don’t even see if she was replaced and see if Team 8 even got a new Sensei. We don’t even see Kurenai interact with Hinata, Kiba or Shino. Literally no interaction between any of her students. Kurenai deserved so much better.      

Tenten. Tenten was the only one not interested in boys. Tenten is the only girl who has a big ideal goal. And that is "Becoming a great kunoichi just like her role model Great Sannin Tsunade" Compared to Sakura, Ino, Temari and Karin, Tenten was the only Kunoichi who got the least amount of screen time. And why is that? Kishimoto didn't wanna write any self-reliant teenage girl.

Uzumaki Clan. Not having Naruto use his clan’s powerful sealing abilities in the war. Hell, we REALLY could’ve learned more about the Uzumaki Clan from Karin. Karin would have been a great opportunity to be the one who lets us know what the clan was really like. This could’ve made Sasukarin work cause both clans being restored really would’ve worked. Like we have both Nagato and Karin and we never learn anything about the Clan from either of them. How do you not use your main character’s clan???  Hell, Naruto could’ve used what he inherited from Kushina to seal away Madara before Madara could possess Obito to bring him back. 

Hinata. If there was a picture in front of the definition of wasted—Hinata would be there. Hinata started to become one of my favorites during her fight with Neji. Kishimoto never really utilized Hinata Hyuga in any real manner. The only times she stood out was when the plot needed advancement. Usually, during a high intense, emotional situation. Hinata outside of extreme life or death moments…is static and seemingly inconsequential. Her existance never affected anything, whether she was living or dead…it wouldn’t of changed a thing. Hinata’s popularity rose, because of her love and obsession w/ the main character. She became a “underdog” in theory, because here’s this shy girl, disowned by her clan, and basically kicked to the curb like yesterdays garbage. The cousin that was raised to protect her—HATED—her and she was cute, pathetic, and terribly shy. Quite a few fans gravitated towards this character, because of these events. The terrible tragedy that was Hinata Hyuga evoked pity, the fulfillment of her dreams, and fans who in some cases sympathized or viewed shades of themselves in this shy gal. Unfortunately, as a by-product…most fans simultaneously used the tragic backdrop and her position of birth right in order to create this image of a “Tragic Princess”. Hinata was elevated not because of merit or depth, but for representing a figure that could be shaped into something that resembled very little of her original form. Hinata lost any potential real development or sovereignty to become one half of a pair, a princess, and a damsal in distress. She became a caricature. It’s rare to see fan art portraying her as the Hyuga head, a keen leader in her own right or as a mature woman, NOT infantilized or glorified for being somebodies or Naruto’s waifu. Most of this characters identity is tied and overshadowed by her love interest. Hinata is a dreamy character that looses tremendous glamour when gazed at objectively. To be truthful, Hinata never really had an identity, nor was she allowed to naturally build up one on her own. Kishimoto undercut her severely in that department. Hinata could’ve been something fantastic! She could’ve grown to be discarded by her clan and viewed as the lesser child, to growing to improving herself and become equals with Neji and grow to move past her crush/obsession with Naruto to both Neji and Hinata becoming the heads of their respective branches and changing the Hyuga Clan together. Hinata, in my opinion was never a strong character physically. Sure she could fight to defend herself, and she had the Byakugan. Yet despite that…she’s just one of many Hyuga. Hinata isn’t nor was she ever a spectacular fighter in her own right. Quite often she was overwhelmed and fatigued easily. In battle she failed, but if given a real voice. She could’ve been influential and endearing in a completely different way. This girl is the odd one out in her family, weak and soft, but despite all of that….Hinata has heart. The traits she expressed, while rarely separated from “N-Naruto-kun” is that of hesitancy, shyness, ineptitude, a rare softness that could easily be kind, but also bloom into complete indifference, selfishness and a one track mind. Hinata is caring until she goes cold. Specific traits like her indifference, selfishness, and complete apathy to another’s situation seem to stem from general Hyuga decorum and behavior. To be apart of such a clan…these traits would be needed to endure the cruelty, tragedies, and fear that hide behind the poshly royal exterior. The Hyuga are about saving face and Hinata is a pro at hiding her own. I think, Kishimoto could’ve shown Hinata at war w/ herself, her clan and the life expected of her in general. She’d be someone w/ an active inner life, but pretty much a dead fish on the outside. The fans would’ve seen a shy female stalking a boy in order to relieve herself of her woes and worries. To forget for a while. Naruto w/o ever knowing it could’ve been a catalyst for a far stronger transformation w/ future implications. We should’ve seen her gradually change shyness into reserve, hesitancy into patience, unprotected softness into emotional strength, and her indifference into engagement. This character could’ve been a nice counter-balance to the constant might makes right scenarios. Hinata shown doing anything other than stalking, obsessing, and worrying over Naruto would’ve been amazing. I’d rather see her slowly, but surely altering the views of the clan by maturely engaging w/ them in a holistic way. By showing having a heart and being aware of others in a intimate nature was not weakness. She’d develop tenacity, a spine and voice her concerns gradually. Linking and working w/ Neji who serves as a teacher in more ways than one, but who also becomes a student, because Hinata in her peculiar way teaches him a thing or two. To see them both mingle and wind themselves through the complexities of the Hyuga clan. Working to attempt change. To simply see Hinata become a better sister. One who shows Hanabi through self sacrifice and unconditional love a different way. Hanabi may detest Hinata’s weakness, because she’s been brought up the traditional Hyuga way. Or even flashbacks of Hinata’s mother…who I feel she’d miss dearly and would’ve had a closer relationship to. Someone which whom she truly felt safe and cherished by. To portray generational cycles through a feminine scope. One of submission, bondage and freedom. “The Hyuga women are like water…we take the shape of whatever container we’re put into.” —Quote from Lady Hyuga, Hinata’s mother Lastly, in fanfiction, Hinata is actually portrayed in ways she should’ve been. For those writers who truly cared for THE CHARACTER and not the waifu…I give props. They present a slow to smile, pearly-lilac eyed women who’s reserved, a wallflower and damn impressive. Hinata always seems to carry a hint of bittersweetness. People ruined all of her wonderful possibilities by keeping her static and a princess. Hinata thrives in difficult times. She blooms when rough roads are ahead and she’s sacrificial….even to her own detriment. In order for her to move on…to become something golden…Hinata has to give up on certain things. This is often true in well written stories concerning her. The obsession for Naruto is only meant to last to a point. Just enough to begin to reveal who Hinata Hyuga really is. To stay pass it’s welcome—means she’ll be forgotten once again…even if the dream unfolded and she got her wish…as canon portrays. Little Hinata Hyuga will be ignored, unknown, and relegated to washing dishes and dusting shelves; as someone else lives out their dreams at her expense.

Lee and Neji being shafted and Neji being killed to justify a ship. The fact we never got to see Sasuke and Neji fight in either the Chunin Exams or in Shippuden is downright insulting. Rock Lee is one of the greatest characters in Naruto, period. He has a great origin story, great setting, very emotional and passionate bonds with others. He had the best fights against Gaara and Kimmimaru and kicked Sasuke’s sorry ass. Then, Kishimoto decided not to develop anyone who didn’t have a Sharingan, not on Team 7 or  Formation Ino–Shika–Chō. We never able to see Rock Lee's development his rough journey to fullfil his ninja way. We don’t even get to see a friendly match between Lee and Neji to show that Lee has FINALLY surpassed his rival or even show Lee fight Sasuke. Such a shame that a fan favorite was wasted. And, no I am not done bitching about Neji. Neji was a perfect candidate for who is gonna build up new Konoha Village and Shibobi System with Naruto as the head of Hyuga Clan. Cuz this is the deal between that promised by 'em long way ago. Neji is the only prodigy type character who died so easily. He has a great history and origin story and has a great bond with Naruto. Naruto once said "when ım gonna become hokage ım gonna chance Hyuga and ım gonna get rid off from family branches and you will be the leader of hyuga" That was the promise of the series. Neji stated even better prodigy than Sasuke. Neji was the most potentially skilled person and Neji had a real bond and story with protagonist. And we never able to saw his development. He never faced with Akatsuki....seriously? His dad came back, but didn’t have any scene with his son???? We could’ve even had Neji and Lee teaming up against Sasuke. Lee and Neji deserved so much better.

Dosu. He was so damn cool and it was such a waste that he was killed off so soon. He could’ve been by Orochimaru and Kabuto’s side. You could’ve even had Dosu become so damn powerful enough that Dosu replaces Kimmimaru as part of the Sound 5. Hell, just keep Team Dosu alive. Dosu, Zaku and Kin should have lived and become apart of Team Hebi/Taka with Sasuke, Karin, and Jugo(in the case of Zabuza living, Suigetsu is not needed) Zaku could’ve gotten past his ego and learn to use his abilities better. Kin could have been developed more and improve her abilities and Dosu could’ve been an untapped powder keg. Team Dosu could’ve been Sasuke’s strongest allies. 

Orochimaru. Orochimaru was built up as the big bad of the series. He betrayed his village and friends for knowledge of all jutsu and immortality. He killed Sarutobi and Gaara’s father and finally he had Sasuke. And Shippuden retconned him into a punching bag for Sasuke. He never reached to his potential or never able to show how much he developed in terms of jutsus and power after killing Sarutobi, I honestly would’ve preferred if Orochimaru was successful in taking Sasuke’s body. It could work. if Sasuke was not strong enough to over power the ritual. what would have happened is Orochimaru would've granted Sasuke his one wish to kill Itachi and Sasuke's strong intentions and desires would have remained as part of Orochimaru's subconscious while he was in control of his body. Plus Sasuke was willing to do this if he was able to see Itachi die. Orochimaru already was a pretty powerful ninja and having the Sharingan definitely would have helped. To unlock Mangekyo he might have had to kill Kabuto which I don't have a problem with. And Kabuto would have no problem with since he wanted his master to succeed. Orochimaru would have mastered Sage Mode(snake sage mode would look awesome tbh), and probably unlocked the Rinnegan (he had enough DNA of the First Hokage to Edo Tensei him after all) The Akatsuki view this news very problematic. Orochimaru was already a problem but with confirmation that he succeeded makes him as much as priority as capturing the tailed beasts. Naruto would have asked Tsunade to order a team to hunt Orochimaru down for him to pay for pretty much killing Sasuke and knowing Jiriya wanting to keep a close eye on Orochimaru and wanting to stop him, he would put investigating Pein on hold and join Naruto. Eventually I think Naruto and Itachi would form an alliance and together fight Orochimaru. I believe Itachi knows that if he could get Orochimaru's chakara low enough, he could force his brother out and use Susano to seal Orochimaru. Then Sasuke would kill his brother.

[tesb]

i've only seen the last jedi, but i do follow thanks to tumblr

okay, so you get the gist!

spoiler alert: i’ll explain what happened in star wars: the rise of skywalker below the cut.

i’ll try and summarize as much as i can and explain a little. there’s many people who condemn the entire film but honestly, i could have swallowed most of it, save for one stupid storyline. but yeah, i’ll get into it. i’ll be skipping a lot of stuff but i apologize if this ends up being pretty long anyway. to be fair, the movie itself is quite long and they were able to fit a lot of dumb things into it.

also: check out jenny nicholson’s youtube video on the movie!

so, in the opening crawls in star wars films, we usually find out what our heroes and main characters have been up to since the last film. they set the scene: nothing major happens in these opening crawls, but major events are left for the films themselves. well, not in this one! in TROS, the opening crawl reveals that emperor palpatine is back, and we’re supposed to just… accept that without any questions. to me, it seems like star wars’ biggest villain coming back would be a bigger event than a couple lines in the opening crawl and deserves more explanation, but i digress.

cut to kylo ren who gets a sith wayfinder, killing a bunch of people in the progress as per usual, and goes to palpatine’s hidey hole on this uncharted planet. palpatine tells him that snoke was his puppet all along and reveals a massive fleet of star destroyers, which is also left unexplained. palpatine orders kylo ren to kill rey (which later leads him to multiple battles with rey throughout the film.)

at the resistance base, they discover that palpatine is on this planet and they need a sith wayfinder to get there. so here starts a goddamn loooooooong mission of them trying to get this wayfinder (they really could have cut this part of the movie down, especially because the whole thing was so convoluted already.) the person who last had the wayfinder conveniently happens to be an assassin who killed rey’s parents and she keeps having visions of them.

at one point on this mission to find the wayfinder, they’re in a very open area on a desert planet and kylo ren and the knights of ren show up in this massive ship. chewbacca gets captured and is in the ship when rey tries to rescue him by using the force, but accidentally blasts the whole thing with lightning. so they all think chewbacca is dead and they leave. but he isn’t dead, because there just so happened to be another massive ship there that they somehow didn’t see, and rey blasted that one instead, and chewbacca was captured in the other. this makes the entire thing feel cheap and their mourning even more hollow.

eventually rey does sense that chewbacca is alive. on their mission to rescue chewbacca, rey confronts kylo ren once again. kylo ren taunts rey about her parents. he eventually reveals that she is the granddaughter of emperor palpatine and that her parents were nobodies because they “chose” to be, and asks her to join him once again. rey being palpatine’s granddaughter makes less sense than her being, say, rey kenobi.

on the same mission, it’s revealed that general hux has been working as a spy for the resistance, and that his only motivation for doing so was preventing kylo ren from winning. winning what, i don’t know. he saves poe, finn and chewbacca and tries to cover up his tracks but dies later anyway. his whole storyline seemed pretty pointless, which is a shame, because he started out as a pretty interesting character in the force awakens. by the rise of skywalker, he was reduced to a caricature of his former self.

we’re introduced to two new characters at two different points in the film, zorii bliss from poe’s past, and jannah, and ex-stormtrooper just like finn, who, as it happens, becomes quite close to finn. i didn’t dislike either of them whatsoever but i strongly feel like these characters were brought in just to reiterate that finn and poe are very much Not Gay (because, let’s face it, the people at disney are cowards.) the LGBT “rep” we do get is a lesbian couple kissing in the background in one of the final scenes in the movie, in a shot that lasts for approx. 0.2 seconds and that has already been cut from the film in some countries.

on a similar note, rose tico was also completely pushed to the sidelines in this film when she had a huge role in the previous one. they don’t even have a proper explanation for it, which sucks, because kelly marie tran was absolutely fantastic in the role. poe’s and finn’s roles were also reduced quite a lot, and i genuinely failed to see any character development from them and there was a great lack of good, character-building emotional moments across the board.

when rey finally gets to the wayfinder (that is on a destroyed death star) kylo ren confronts her for a third time in the same film and he destroys the wayfinder. when kylo ren and rey are fighting, leia organa reaches out to kylo ren through the force while she is dying, and in this moment, rey gets the upper hand and strikes him. but when she senses leia’s death she suddenly feels remorse for him (????? WHY) and immediately saves him by healing him using the force. the tone shift in the scene is jarring.

in rey leaves and kylo ren suddenly sees his dead father – who he killed – and after speaking to han solo, his nonexistent redemption arc begins and he “becomes ben solo again”. i say nonexistent because it literally came out of nowhere. we seldom saw him doubt the dark side and we only saw him turn away from rey when she tried to turn him to the light, time and time again. in the last jedi, their final shot together was rey literally closing a door on him, i.e. symbolizing her finally giving up on trying to turn him to the good side. but since the rise of skywalker tried to undo everything the last jedi did, of course that didn’t matter anymore.

rey uses kylo ren’s ship to go on the same planet luke had resided on in the force awakens and the last jedi because she’s so shook by her parentage (meanwhile i was shook by the awfulness of this plot while sitting in the cinema audience.) luke’s force ghost shows up to tell rey that she needs to face palpatine and so, here begins the worst final “battle” in star wars history, probably.

the resistance fleet follow rey to the planet where palpatine is. rey finds palpatine, and palpatine encourages rey to kill him so that “his spirit can transfer into her.” this whole scene is extremely awkward because palpatine tells rey his entire plan, narrating all the details. it’s very much “you have to do this so i can do this and this” and it feels like the plot needs him to do this so that the audience understands what’s going on, and it’s so painfully bad. suddenly, kylo ren shows up to help rey. and suddenly, palpatine’s plan changes and he uses rey’s and kylo ren’s force bond to “revitalize” himself. and he’s still explaining every bit of the process.

palpatine starts blasting the resistance fleet with his lighting, yeets kylo ren to a hole in the ground (some kind of chasm? i don’t know) and rey collapses. she suddenly hears the voices of a bunch of jedi ghosts in her head, encouraging her, and gets up and manages to kill not only palpatine but herself as well. kylo ren suddenly reappears and brings rey back to life with force healing. in an extremely awkward and forced moment, they embrace each other and kiss, effectively making reylo canon, all for fan service. he does drop dead, but the scene prior to him dying sends an awful precedent for future watchers of the film. i’m all for letting people ship who they want to ship as long as they’re aware it can be extremely problematic and toxic, but it’s a whole different story when a well-known franchise makes said ship canon.

kylo ren has abused rey mentally and assaulted her physically. he is a mass murderer, a war criminal, and literally killed his own goddamn parent. he has done things that are absolutely unforgivable. in the last scene of the film, someone asks rey who she is, and she decides to say “rey skywalker”; there’s a message in TROS that indicates where you come from doesn’t dictate whether you’re “bad” or “good” – see: rey being a palpatine but being a good character. if kylo ren had represented the opposite of rey to the end, i.e. how he came from a good background but still decided to turn to the dark side, the message the film was trying to send wouldn’t have been so undermined.

the last film also makes rey’s entire purpose in the sequel trilogy tied to kylo ren, and it genuinely angers me – they just couldn’t leave her storyline be, could they? her purpose all along was, yes, to kill palpatine, but also to get kylo ren to turn away from the dark side, to help him, to “cure him”. we’re supposed to believe that all along she wanted to “take ben’s hand” and that she was in love with her abuser.

my biggest problem is with this film’s influence and what they decided to do. the fact that they made a romantic scene between the abuser and his abuse victim makes my skin crawl. i could have accepted everything else, but not this. it’s my one big problem with the movie that i cannot, for the life of me, overlook. little kids are going to see this movie. they’re going to see kylo ren murdering, manipulating, abusing people for two and a half movies straight. and they’re going to watch him be redeemed like a second-rate darth vader. but at least darth vader lost everything when he turned to the dark side, reiterating that the dark side is genuinely Very Bad. at least darth vader died without getting a reward like rey was used as kylo ren’s reward for his “redemption arc.” i wish this film hadn’t used rey like it did, but it happened; at moments, she was reduced to a prop in kylo ren’s story instead of her continually being an individual in her own story.

there’s probably a better version of this film somewhere because it feels like a million ideas smashed into one big mess and i sometimes felt like i was watching a fan-film rather than a real star wars movie. the makers of this film being disney, they were trying to please everyone, and that was the biggest mistake they could have possibly made. they didn’t have a solid plan for the sequel trilogy, and it shows. painfully well.

[artificialqueens]

Five People's Thoughts on Adore and Bianca: Laganja Estranja (2/5) (Biadore-ish) - doctor bitchcraftt

Yes gawd mawma, it’s finally time to hear from Laganja, okurrrr?  

1. Courtney Act

2. Laganja Estranja

3 & 4. Raja & Raven

5. Trixie Mattel

A/N: Laganja isn’t a character I’ve written before, and I wanted to avoid reducing her to a caricature of her own behavior by exploring the deep insecurities exposed by her Untucked outbursts and her version of calculated competition.  She’s the quintessential unreliable narrator, and I hope that comes through properly.

Xoxoxoxo, bitchcraftt

********

Laganja had been pleased to find Adore in her group for Drag Race, both as a friendly face and a known quantity: good, but not going to outshine her in the end (she didn’t even cinch).  They’d gotten on well before the show, and she couldn’t wait to kiki with her on camera.  More importantly, she wanted to find a moment to ask if she’d managed to stash anything for later since her nerves had been buzzing for hours already.

Striding into the workroom, she landed a perfect death drop that hopefully would capture the fans’ attention once the episode aired.

Sizing up the rest of the competition proved more challenging.  She almost immediately dismissed Vivacious (what the fuck was that on her head anyway?) and cautiously considered the likelihood that BenDeLaCreme would turn out to be playing the long game behind her sweet persona.  Laganja weighed the potential benefit of establishing Gia as an ally, felt a twinge of envy for April’s showy costume and Latin charm, and came up suspiciously neutral in her impression of Kelly Mantle.

After the photo shoot and gleefully celebrating her first win, she sat back and waited for the other queens to arrive, ignoring how much she really wanted to light up to calm her nerves.

Kelly hadn’t lasted long anyway.  One queen down, and six new bitches to add to the mix.

********

The first thing she noticed when the second group walked in was how much older Darienne and Courtney looked in person (although she had to begrudgingly admit that Courtney’s fishyness was impressive).  Courtney was pretty, but her makeup wasn’t drag-worthy.  As for Darienne, well, a queen who couldn’t wear high heels wasn’t a queen at all in her book.

Joslyn seemed genuinely nice, although probably not savvy enough to last long.  On the other hand, she would definitely make Laganja seem even more polished by comparison, so maybe she would be worth keeping around for a couple of weeks.

Trinity had faded into the background, and Laganja figured she would stay there.  Part of her empathized with the air of someone struggling with their own inner issues, but she couldn’t afford to play nice.  Trinity didn’t seem likely to pose a threat, and it was probably safe to leave her to her own devices.

Most of all though, the last two who came through the doors set off alarm bells in her head.  

Milk looked like a demented marionnette wrapped in organza, but the sheer outlandish energy coming off her might be a problem as the challenges progressed.  She also wondered if Milk had any dance background, watching her assured movement in and out of drag.  So far no one else seemed to be able to match her for flexibility and ability to tear up the floor, but she planned to keep an eye on the bearded wonder.

Last across the threshold and sporting neon eyeshadow that badly needed blending, Laganja recognized Bianca Del Rio.  The queen had to be pushing forty (Alyssa had mentioned her a few times, calling her ‘established in the business’), but her padding and wig line were flawless.  Beyond the packaging though, she recognized the sharp eyes of a fellow competitor.  Combined with her sharp tongue, Laganja might actually have some serious competition.

********

Scream Queens

After the first acting challenge, when Laganja found herself laughing along with Bianca’s cutting retort to Adore, she wondered if the other queen might actually not be as much of a problem as she’d anticipated.  If she was going to devote energy to taking down all of the girls verbally, then it was less to focus on everything else.  Adore rarely played well with other queens in her experience, so why should Drag Race be any different?  It meant that Laganja ought to have her undivided support, at least until she was sent home.  

Bianca didn’t appear concerned with playing to the camera outside of the challenge, nor did she make an effort to capture airtime in the workroom.  Moreover, she didn’t make any attempt to showcase her slender legs (nice, but not as nice as Laganja’s) to take attention away from her overdrawn face, which could only be a serious tactical error.  And while the old Hollywood glamour admittedly flattered her petite figure, it wasn’t edgy or exciting for someone who claimed to be a costume designer.  

The oversized rhinestoned collar was actually impressive.  Not as imaginative as her butterfly fascinator, but definitely interesting.  

Laganja had studied the looks on Bianca’s garment rack, and while a part of her coveted the craftsmanship (apparently Bianca made everything herself), her overriding impression was that the queen was stuck too far in the past.  People like Laganja, and Adore, were the new face of drag, outside of smoky clubs and bars.  

Also, the obsessive neatness and organized rows of identically styled wigs made her supremely uncomfortable.

********

Shade: The Rusical

In the Gold Bar, she struggled to contain her tears when a message from her parents played.  Everything was finally coming together, and she could picture the crown on display in Alyssa’s dance studio for everyone to know that Laganja Estranja of the Haus of Edwards was a true winner.

Sniffling, she turned her attention back to the other girls, waiting for their separate conversation to end so they could finish validating her experience.  It started out well, and even Bianca was complimentary towards her parents.  Who would have thought she had it in her?  (She was half convinced that Bianca spent every night off set thinking up ways to insult everyone else.)

And then, right as Laganja felt safe in relaxing just a little, Bianca cut across her moment with a joke.  It wasn’t the joke itself - she couldn’t care less what the bitter bitch thought of her - but then all of the other girls laughed and started another conversation without her.  Worse, they seemed to be laughing at her, which wasn’t fair at all.  The prickling sense of doubt came roaring back full force, and she couldn’t afford to let anyone see it, especially not here.    

How could they be so insensitive?

…how dare they?

“This was my moment!” she sobbed, not even hearing what was said after and barely conscious of the words coming out of her mouth.

This couldn’t be happening.

****      

Later, when she was calm again and Adore was disappointed in not winning the main challenge, Laganja found herself torn between annoyance on her behalf (Courtney Act was so *pitchy*) and being secretly relieved that one more episode was complete without the judges being drawn under Adore’s charming spell.  

The thing about Adore, was that her powerful voice wasn’t going to make up for her thrift store drag budget.  Her punk rock rebel schtick was only going to go so far, especially in comparison to queens with professionally made looks.  Laganja hated to think it, but Bianca Del Rio’s unclockable hairline next to Adore’s messy shake-and-go Party City closeouts was a point in her favor.

More importantly, she was relieved to unload her frustration at being dismissed on a friendly ear.  Adore might be a little slow, but she definitely stuck up for her friends.  Bianca wouldn’t catch her off-guard again, and not with Adore now aware of her awful behavior.      

********

Snatch Game

Laganja woke up feeling peaky and drained.  She panicked for a moment, thinking about the cameras catching her looking tired.  The only solution, as Alyssa had taught her, was to put on her biggest wig and blow the other bitches out of the water.  Digging in her suitcase, she located her pièce de résistance: a high braided turban that was sure to deflect from anyone noticing the bags under her eyes.

Her tactic seemed to be working, because the other queens were staring with impressed expressions as she showed off her flexibility for the camera.

Crisis averted.

Unsurprisingly, Bianca was the first one in full face and wig while the other queens were still baking and contouring.  She moved around the workroom purposefully, offering to help DeLa with her old lady face and brushing out Trinity’s wig.  When her black-clad form (why did Bianca suddenly look so tiny?) appeared behind Laganja in the mirror, she steeled herself for more negativity.

“Want me to help?”

Laganja blinked, certain that she’d heard wrong, and tried to continue.

Bianca watched her fumble with her highlight for a few seconds before holding out her hand.

“Give it to me, queen.”

Laganja froze, brush in midair and compact clenched in her other hand.

Rolling her eyes, Bianca made a ‘come here’ gesture before plucking both items out of her hands and tugging her shoulder until she turned around.  Gripping her chin gently, Bianca started moving with quick, precise strokes.

“It’s easier if you start near your hairline, and…"  The rest of what she said was lost as Laganja’s mind spun into overdrive.  There didn’t seem to be any ulterior motive, yet here she was helping her competition.

She zoned back in as Bianca set down the brush and highlighter, and nodded briskly.  

"Let me know if you want me to show you how to do it next time.”

As she walked away, Laganja could almost understand why Trinity and Adore seemed to love Bianca and talked about her being great.  Sometimes when the cameras weren’t rolling, she even felt a sense of camaraderie.  It never lasted long enough to convince her that it was real, because the moment filming started and her anxiety rocketed upwards, everything that came out of her mouth seemed to annoy the older queen.

****

She left the Snatch Game set nearly in tears.  Rachel Zoe was an easy part of her repertoire for her friends, but everything had felt so off today.    

It took a trip to the bathroom and a five-minute private mirror pep talk before Laganja felt ready to take on the Night of 1,000 RuPauls.  What she really needed was to get away from everyone and smoke, but that hadn’t been an option for weeks.  

Staring into her own eyes, she tongue popped for luck and resolved to slay it on the runway.

Bianca gave her a curious look when she breezed back into the workroom.

”Everything all right, queen?”

Laganja steadfastly ignored the attention.  

Halfway through gluing her lace down, she realized that Adore was no longer perched on the chair beside her.  Looking around the room, her heart dropped when she located her friend.

Instead of lingering at her station like usual to keep Laganja company and her mind off her nerves, Adore was off in the corner.  Off in the corner with Bianca, who had paused in the middle of piling hair on her head to lace her into a cincher.  Bianca’s cincher.  

Bafflingly, she was actually being nice to Adore and not sabotaging her, because as far as Laganja could tell, there wasn’t anything wrong with the garment and she had seemed genuinely concerned that Adore was comfortable and happy with the final product.

She didn’t understand Bianca at all.

****

The fragile sense of calm that she’d achieved on the main stage crumbled the moment Adore pointed at her and Gia as being in the bottom.

Hearing Adore laugh at DeLa’s naive question about Rachel Zoe hit like a bad death drop and for a moment Laganja couldn’t breathe.  

She scrabbled for something to defend herself with.  Bianca was an automatic target - after playing nice with her makeup, she had turned right around and messed with her in the Snatch Game.  Laganja wasn’t buying her “I hate everyone equally” excuse this time, not when she was obviously trying to come for her.

Looking across the lounge, she was overwhelmed by the sense of betrayal as Adore claimed that Bianca wasn’t singling her out for attack.  

It felt like the floor was slowly collapsing under her feet.  Not only had her friendship with Adore been far less of a stabilizing force than she’d expected, but Adore had actually joined forces with Bianca against her.  

It wasn’t the only thing, but that was the last heave it took to upend the cart of her control.

“Did you or did you not come for me today?” she snapped, hoping that someone else (Gia? Joslyn?) would stand up for her.  

“…hold up girl, I’m not trying to create a moment -“

Her heart pounded in her ears, and she badly wanted to grab the stupid pillow off of Bianca’s lap and throw it at Adore’s bitchface.  

“I’m not saying you came for me but I do feel a little shafted by you today.”

The words were spilling out and Laganja gave up trying to hold in all of her frustration and hurt.

”I don’t remember the exact comment you said, but earlier I do feel like you were saying -“

Her breathing was too shallow, but all she could see was Adore’s newly cinched waist.

“I don’t even know, but I felt a little hurt by you earlier,” she finished lamely, unable to articulate the pain and panic welling up in her chest.

She no longer recognized her rebellious good time party girl, always a few steps behind.  Adore wasn’t even trying to support her, just offering empty words as she she spent her time cozying up to Bianca.  While the person on the other side of the table looked like Adore and spoke in Adore’s voice, she might as well have been a stranger.  

Laganja shied away from Bianca’s touch on the way back into the hall.  Not five minutes after coming for her, Bianca had to be mocking her with her ‘advice’.  

She couldn’t trust anyone here, not anymore.

Why didn’t anyone else see what was going on?

********

Oh No She Better Don’t

“Miss Laganja Estranja. Next time you death drop, reverse that and drop dead.”

Adore’s read felt like a stab in the back and Laganja didn’t even bother to try to smile.  Everyone was laughing at her, Bianca’s cackle rising above the others.  

********

Glamazon by Colorevolution

Surveying the others, Laganja was certain that her black and white runway look would win the judges over - no one else had anything as edgy.  Even Adore was wearing a Forever 21 sweater and a miniskirt, but she could forgive her friend the look because their commercial had gone amazingly well.

Joslyn looked like an extra from a porn about magicians, and Courtney…well, that weird sparkly tuxedo thing was a look.  Courtney was blathering on about someone called Clause No Me (whoever that was), but it wouldn’t matter if she was wearing Dior, because her boy legs were on full display.  Not to mention, the giant pile of hair that DeLa was pinning up made her think of a butt plug.  Laganja was surprised that Darienne hadn’t made any catty comments about it given the palpable tension between them.  She started to move closer, but was distracted by the activity in Bianca’s alcove.

Still in pantyhose and corset with her skunk-striped hair, Bianca was helping Trinity zip herself in.  The domino dress was well-made, although she ought to be carrying drinks in Monte Carlo in it.  Laganja admitted she might even ask Trinity where it came from.

As for Miss Perfect herself, Laganja once again grudgingly had to give her credit for the ensemble as Bianca started to get dressed.  The enormous ball gown skirt seemed to materialize from nowhere in a cloud of tulle.  How the hell had she fit that in her duffels?  It wasn’t even creased, and it must have contained miles of crinoline.  Laganja had barely been able to close her five suitcases, but Bianca’s luggage all seemed to be under the maximum amount.  Not to mention, she’d only unpacked a bag and a half of wigs.

She started to pace anxiously, balance thrown off after the high of performing.  Her feet carried her to Adore’s table, hoping to mend their friendship, but once again Adore was busy talking to Bianca.

********

It wasn’t fair.  She had to keep her chin up, because the road to success was never easy, but it also shouldn’t have been this hard.  

She’d promised her parents and Alyssa that she’d bring home the crown.  Her parents seemed to finally be at peace with her drag, and it would be everything she’d ever wanted to validate following her dreams.

Laganja just had to hold on a little longer, prove to Ru that she deserved to be America’s next drag superstar.

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Queens of Comedy

The comedy challenge was a disaster.  

After seeing Adore perform with shaky insecurity, Laganja’s confidence had risen.  All of the other girls were trying for a ten, but she was going to dial her personality up to one hundred.

Except instead of howling with laughter, the old people in the audience stared at her as if she was speaking a foreign language.  She dug deep for the best jokes that never failed to entertain her usual crowd, but nothing worked.

Barely keeping her angry tears in check, she slumped back into her seat and watched the rest with a stony stare.

Witnessing Bianca Del Rio effortlessly work the audience was awful.  Every laugh she drew from them hit her like a punch to the stomach, reminding her of how inadequate her jokes had been.  

Worse, seeing Adore’s rapt attention made her physically ill.  Bianca was now the recipient of the same wondering smile that Adore used to give her when she performed.

Nothing made sense.

Without heels, Laganja towered over Bianca; she couldn’t understand how the queen could still make her feel insignificant without even saying a word.

She was sick to death of Bianca’s clever insults and her perfect white teeth.  She hated her stupid dimples and how her voice grew soft when she spoke to Adore.  

Adore was her friend, or at least she used to be.  If Bianca had to pick someone to be nice to, why did it have to be Adore?  

This was supposed to be her moment.