#why do I like them wtf is wrong with me
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"I might have to cancel our agreement."
#pit babe#pit babe the series#pit babe ep2#babe x charlie#pavel naret#pavel phoom#pooh krittin#thai bl#bl drama#why do I like them wtf is wrong with me#i dont recognize myself when im watching this show#dkjhfkd#help#charlie is such a little devil child I love it lmao#also cant believe we have daddy pavel back dkjghf feels surreal
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eos pt. 2
#im actually close to finishing the game naow... i got to dialga's fight but got my ass kicked#this game is making me emotional wtf.. i teared up a little when my team reunited with the guild#and when they told them the truth abt grovyle and everyone agreed to help them. thats so. peace and love oh my god#also chatot.. i was wrong abt him he comes thru even if hes annoying. “prized recruits” YOURE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY#team skull also. like i cannot defend them being assholes but i still felt bad seeing them beat up#this game is so good at making me feel things towards characters i was actually filled with seething rage everytime i had to watch#team skull scheme against me and not do anything. ALSO the reason why i had such a grudge against chatot to begin with#is bc he THREW ME UNDER THE BUS bc of the apples without letting me EXPLAIN MYSELF#SO IT WAS REALLY FUNNY WHEN HE SAID HES FILLING IN FOR WIGGLYTUFF AS LEADER AND EVERYONE WENT “DEADASS?”#damn i can see why so many ppl make pmd ask blogs. im actually tempted to use my team if i didnt already know#that i would probably get bored and do smth else after a month <- did this multiple times while in pokeask#pokemon mystery dungeon#pmd#explorers of sky#eos#my art#myart#doodles#pmd oc#marmalade#neptune
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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tbh it's annoying when people perceive the "i cant make a decision about where to eat, you decide!" thing as being indecisive and/or noncommittal when in fact it's almost always the person being considerate of your wants over their own and/or also the person having such bad anxiety that they're worried if they tell you what they actually want, you'll be disappointed in what they chose and thus won't enjoy it.
#and conversely oftentimes the person asking can be one of two things#the first is that they genuinely don't care so they want you to choose#OR they're in a similar boat and don't want to make you do something you won't enjoy which is why they keep asking#tangibly related but i one time had an ex who said i was manipulative because i asked them 'hey do you want to get pizza?' and they were#like wtf is wrong with you if you want pizza just say so and dont manipulate me. and i was like. what. whats wrong with you.#im not the weird one here
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hmmmm in the stage of self isolation where i want nothing more than to move away somewhere no one knows me and build a new personality from scratch and never talk to anyone from my past ever again heehaha i want to abandon my life so badly
#unfortunately u cant escape ur past self that easily#sometimes i feel very overwhelmed and trapped by ppl's perception of me it makes me sick#been cringing so hard the last few days overthinking memorieees and being like “why did i do/say that wtf is wrong w me”#i can't make anyone unsee those parts of me so i kinda just want to disappear and leave everyone behind lol#the only time i feel at peace is when i am by myself i dont want to talk to anyone or do anything with them ;-;#girrrlll the self hatred feels inescapable!!!!!
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i honestly hate it when people just interact with me, even though im LITERALLY in their dni. I dont know how they dont realize it, even when they liked/reblogged my posts more than once. Seriously.
please. JUST BLOCK ME!!!! OR DONT LIKE MY POSTS?? It makes me feel guilty of what im doing!
#aimed at someone btw#toazty rambling#im too scared to tell them though caude wtf?? what if they just go like 'EW!!! why are YOU interacting with me then?!?!' like vro...#if im in your dni or something. just block me. dont just interact with my posts knowing that im in your dni. it makes me feel GUILTY!!!!!!#like?? how do i explain to them that im not supposed to interact woth them?#eithrr way. i also would feel guilty if i also didnt tell them/block them. cause huh? it'd be MEAN of me to do that! im not that mean to#just block someone if they did nothing wrong to me!!
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i said i love zelink
#why do these mfs have so many details in their clothing#bruh drawing this was a nightmare#na dont get me wrong i love them but wtf#zelink#zelda totk#zelda botw#zelda#link#lmao tagging link feels so unfair dude why do u have that nameeeee#anyways i love zelink#i did minor changes to zeldas boots and collar? what the heck is that called. anyways i changed some of it bc i can#and bc my eyes get confused by the lighter tone in her boots like. at first glance i always think her legs are exposed#like shes wearing capri pants or whatever the name#i cant read nor write#i could write an entire paragraph here like those AO3 authors about what happened in my life during the making of this piece#but theres a limit in these tags and id rather just laugh about it#i referenced the ao3 authors bc their life seems cursed and thats exactly how i felt during my own said events#but its ok im back again#until im not anymore#expect more drawings of them from me -needs the pressure
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I actually can't tell if I'm catching feelings for someone I'm close to and now I feel disgusted with myself.
#cw vent#tw vent#i thought i was aroace#wtf is wrong with me.#why do i feel this way???#i actually want to rip my hair out#why do i feel like this for THEM.#THEM SPECIFICALLY??
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the trainee reminds me of a boss and a babe and yes it's because every ep has me thinking where the fuck is the hr department in this fucking company?
#so many things happening and almost every one of them is a hr violation#if they're trying to complete the book of hr violations as fast as possible really impressive bc they're close to do it#i think all of these characters need to know what a proper workplace behavior is like wtf#also explain to me WHY judy didn't take ANY responsibility in kissing bahmee...#if i remember correctly she in fact DID kiss her back when bahmee moved her face away#a boss and a babe has the situation a little worse because cher was having a relationship with the actual ceo of the company#also never forgetting him bring the wrong coffee to gun on purpose he would be fired in this exact moment irl#but as i am guncher for life 🤞 i also am janeryan love them very much#still deciding in what at what level am i with judybahmee#i love women and love even more sapphic women so...#the trainee the series#witchbz-bl#witchbz : watchz the trainee
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nnnnggghh are these ppl fuckling stupid wtffffff
#i cant fucking beieve it oh my goood!#so ive sent 3 emails and called them twice - my doctor's office#i need 3 documents from them for my health insurance so my top surgery will be covered#so 2 documents of these are just results of test they've done. easy roght. zhey hv these pdfs ready sitting somewhere in their software#i even added the dates the tests were taken so they could easily find them and just add them to the reply email and send it to me#the 3rd document is an evaluation so that might take some time to write. maybe 3 hrs max if my doctor rly puts his whole pussy in.#i don't hear anything after a week. i send a 2nd email. i hear nothing so after 2 days i call. the nurse on the line says it's being taken#care of. or smth along these lines. i hear nothing so the next monday i write a 3rd email. i hear nothing. today it's been 3 weeks#since i first contacted them. i call them again. the nurse tells me they sent everything in the mail last week. why tf are you sending it i#the mail instead of just replying to my fuxcking email???? anyweay then the nurse says oh it looks like we sent you only 2 instead of 3#documents. she tells me she'll send everything in an email today. i hang up i get dressded i rush downstairs to check the mailbox.#the letter is there i rip it open. it's only 2 documents. like. WHAT. i made an indented list numbered 1) 2) 3) in my email so it would be#easy to spot that i need THREE documents. how tf can you think oh yeah the patient wants 3 documents. but i'm putting 2 in the enverlope no#this is right and im not making a mistake now. anyway after 2 hrs i get an email w 3 documents in them. i finally feel relief bc my#health insurance wants that shit until next tuesday. mind you i reached out to them THREE weeks ago and i contacted them 5 times in total.#i open the files. only one (1) document is actually what i need and it's one of the lab tests. the 2nd lab test i need is not there. instea#there's a completely different lab test. from a different year (i literally wrote the fuking dates so they knew which tests i need!!!)#the evalutation i need which i thgoiught might take a max of 3 hrs to write is 2 sentences long. it doesn't address the actual issue that i#need evaluated. it took you THREE wekks to write 2 sentences that are WRONG??????#are yiou fuckihg stipouzds!! am i going insane like wtf is going on#i can use this to wipe my ass but not to hand it in for the health insurance!!!! *screams*#now i sent them another email (the 4th email) asking them to send me that test results that i need. i added the full name of the test#and the date it was taken. even checked my calendar to double check i got the right date. these ppl probably fucking hate me now#but. do your fuxking job!!! how can you not read how can you take 3 weeks to add 2 pdfs to an email and then one of them is the wrong one!!#idk what's going on but i suspect maybe they don't hv the results? maybe the tube was lost in the mail or it was too little blood to do the#test or the lab couldn't do the test for other reasons. but if this is the case. why do they not fucking tell me that?? l#like we are all adults i get that sometimes stuff doesn't work out or mistakes are made i promise i'm not mad (initially) i just want to#work together w you to find a solution#same w the evaluation. i suspect the dr doesn't hv the expertise or he can't fucking read idk but if he doesn't hv the expertise#instead of not replying for 3 weeks and then writing some 2 sentence bs that has nothing to do w what i need. you could've just told me you
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Am i a bad person for feeling...happy? Vindicated i guess? About the person who hurted me in so many ways being finally seen for who they are; about them being cast aside and people actually understanding how f*cking dangerous they are???
I mean it's been years and i somehow put all that sh*t that happened to me behind my back; but hearing what is happening to them right now makes my heart feel so light and my brain scream " JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED B*TCH!! "
#don't get me wrong i still hate them#i hate them so so much#and i am so happy their life is crumbling in so many lil pieces#impossibile to fix at this rate#and still i feel like i shouldn't be#wtf is wrong with me#why do i feel guilt about feeling guilty#especially about someone who used and abused me#for years#sigh
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sooooo fucked up that eddie and buck are not kissing rn. instead they have to go through more horrors. and they dont even have the option to kiss each other to make it better. fr praying for them. you will be kissing soon kings!!!
#eddies gonna be challenging his parents to a duel soon#maddies about to be kidnapped and bucks gonna be going through It#so fucked up that they are separating them#dont they (the writers) know that buck and eddie are a Set and should not be seperated????#ig not cuz they sending eddies gay ass back to texas#guys i am going insane during this hiatus#i cannot wait any longer#they should start airing tomorrow just to preserve my sanity#youre telling me i gotta wait till MARCH to find out wtf is happening on this show????#noooooooooooo#this hiatus is so painful#pls bts content save me#pls bts ryliver save me you can get me through this hiatus pls pls pls#anyway buddie canon 2025#it is their year#eddies gonna get halfway through the process of moving to texas and buck is gonna be there every step of the way and hes gonna realize that#oh. oh okay i have everything ive ever wanted here in la. besides my son. i need to go get him instead of uplifting my life#pls eddie#pls pls pls#tim im begging you pls dont make eddie throw away the life he has in la. pls pls pls make him be like. okay enough is enough. give me my so#pleeeeeeeeaaaaase#no one is gonna survive eddie moving to el paso (especially not buck)#this is so fucked up why did you do this to eddie#he escaped el paso. he escaped his parents. only to be brought back to them. what the actual fuck#eddie diaz pls fight your parents pls pls pls pls i want to see him yelling at them. screaming. fighting them.#he is a good father. he is such a good dad. its so fucked up hes being questioned about that when thats ALL weve seen from him#ig apart from the kim sit but that wasnt even really his fault (eddie diaz can do no wrong in my eyes)#anyway#i think eddie and buck would be doing a lot better overall if they were able to kiss each other#but nooooooooo
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that autistic feeling when social rules changed so suddenly and randomly and you don't understand why and everyone refuses to offer an explanation becuase everyone ~should just know why~, but you're the only person that didn't get the update.
do you ever see people do something a lot and assume it's fine and normal and acceptable and harmless, then suddenly out of nowhere when you (or even someone else) do it, it's now suddenly "bad/offensive/weird/creepy/a red flag/unacceptable" and you just get so confused and dont understand why it suddenly changed.....
#it was someone else who did it. i just witnessed it. and im afraid to ask why thats a problem now......the person was banned and. wtf tbh#there was no explanation. the mods just said its bad and creepy and a red flag to let someone know you dm'd them. BUT#I SEE THAT ALL THE TIME. everywhere on the internet people will throw out a “i sent you a dm” so whys it suddenly bad?#i never did it because they will get the notif probably so why give them 2 notifs...but still. it seemed so normal and harmless#and now its creepy and weird and unacceptable and a red flag. red flag for what exactly lmao. they didn't explain#its stuff like this that makes me afraid to talk to people in groups like discord servers and twitch chats because#you will get banned and blocked for saying the most harmless things without warning and get no explanation at all#im too autistic for this shit. if someone does a “bad” thing EXPLAIN IT TO THE REST OF US WHY ITS BAD!!!!!!#always offer explanation and another chance because some people genuinely dont know why youre so upset suddenly about harmless things#autistic#autism#actually autistic#lee rants#im the type of autistic that is very good at saying the wrong things without knowing and gets no explanation#especially when just repeating the trendy words and phrases said by others and copying what others do. its only wrong if it's me 🤷#when it happens to others i get upset for them because. the fuck?????? that could have been me walking into an unknown trap
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studying psychology literally does nothing for your understanding of yourself btw. you just end up with better knowledge of excel
#going to rant in the tags a little because maybe someone has the same experience#like. i am aromatic. and probably asexual. sometimes i feel like i might be in love with a person because i start craving company with them#but when i think about any romantic or intimate touch i start dissasotiating and get really weirdly sad and unenthusiastic about the idea#apathetic even. it's like i want something i can't describe or even get realistically#and my own relationship with touch is also really weird#i remember when i was an early teen i would deprive myself of touch in times of stress#if i was crying or something i would sit and spread my limbs so that they weren't touching each other bc i didn't feel deserving#of the comfort#and like!!! wtf!!!! nothing ever happened to me to cause that. did it#i'm literally just a normal girl#why am i like this and what is wrong with me. why can't i love normal why is it always an obsession and a game#why do i get interested and then when i finally understand the person i'm not anymore. people aren't rubix cubes but my heart thinks them so#sigh. please can i have one normal relationship with a person. one good friend#anyways LOL bye
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#ramblings of a lunatic#good lord WHY AM I SO BAD AT TEXTING IT DOES NOTHING BUT CAUSE ME PROBLEMS I CAN'T GENUINELY BE THIS OVERWHELMED BY THE PROSPECT OF#CONVERSATION LIKE#genuinely it's not funny anymore wtf is wrong with me WHY DO I TAKE DAYS TO GET BACK TO PPL#THEY HATE IT IT MAKES THEM MAD AT ME AND THEN I'M MAD AT ME BUT I'M STILL FUCKING DOING IT AND I WANNA STOP#like it's not that i don't love these people they're literally my best friends i just. idk I'm all up in my head#about having nothing to say or not even having memes to send them (my fyp is mostly comics and they don't like that stuff)#god. killing myself i am so dog shit at this whole ''being a person'' thing
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