#why do I like them wtf is wrong with me
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"I might have to cancel our agreement."
#pit babe#pit babe the series#pit babe ep2#babe x charlie#pavel naret#pavel phoom#pooh krittin#thai bl#bl drama#why do I like them wtf is wrong with me#i dont recognize myself when im watching this show#dkjhfkd#help#charlie is such a little devil child I love it lmao#also cant believe we have daddy pavel back dkjghf feels surreal
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"if we make america worse and more of a dictatorship that will be even harder to unravel and make it the way we want the country to be, maybe then everyone will join our Glorious Revolution!" bb girl you cant even be in the same room with someone who thinks you should vote, how in tf do you think you're gonna unite people to fight in The Revolution with you? it's gonna be you and your 5 friends, i hate to break it to you.
#i dont think you realize how repelling you and your politics are to everyone else#you get all of your validation for how Smart You Are from your friends and ignore any kind of feedback that suggests you should#change or do something differently. thats the only reason you're so convinced average people will go along with you bc you keep getting#affirmation from the people who ALREADY agree with you- but you have NO IDEA how to bridge the gap between people who agree#with you and disagree with you. you're horrible at convincing people of your side of things outside of straight up guilt tripping them#or bullying them like a highschooler. im sorry but the tools you learned to survive with as a kid aren't gonna help you in this situation.#the ONLY THING you can come up with to bridge that gap is a bloody revolution. thats how bad you are at this.#and you're also so bad at this and unimaginative that you dont even realize how THAT might not even be enough.#you cant imagine ANY kind of avenue to getting people to change AT ALL outside of blood and fire. and thats why people call you#an authoritarian.#i'll be honest- i really do think the world would be a better place if we did incremental change under a democratic president who wont#set the world on fire vs the godkingemperor republican WHO WONT EVEN LISTEN TO YOU AT ALL EVER AND MIGHT KILL YOU#FOR PUTTING UP A STINK. idk if you noticed but if that evil fuck gets into office we are severely outnumbered if he gets police#n shit to go after his own citizens. letting trump win is making this battle so much harder than it needs to be.#you are choosing trying to fix the world while its exploding vs trying to fix it before it explodes at all.#what is this like a procrastination thing? you wanna wait till the last minute to try? idfgi. wtf is wrong with you#throwing minority lives away to prove a point. and then you try to tell me you care. gtfoh.#accelerationists should never be taken seriously.
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why does every reconciliation fic go like this
#my dc posting#jason todd#red hood#jason todd fanart#ugh i forgot to change tim n dick's skin colours aa i already put my drawing stuff away whatever#bruce wayne#dick grayson#tim drake#<- main offenders#no but. jason will be making some absolutely great points#ill be cheering him on like YEAH know ur fucking value good job call them the fuck out dont fall for their shit!!#then there will be one (1) event n suddenly the author pulls a complete 180#all of jason's valid issues n complaints r swept away without ever being solved#at most he's given a few flimsy excuses or justifications#n suddenly hes all happy n dandy w them#like 🤨🤨🤨 what!!!#like nothing changes nobody makes any effort but apparently one sentence going 'omg no it wasnt like that jason 😭' is enough to sweep#everything under the rug#like why have i never read a fic where anyone actually works to change. to right the wrongs theyve done. to apolgoize and do better.#aside form of course jason going 'i see now that murder is wrong i was stupid n angry for no good reason good thing the pit madness has bee#solved/managed better n i have apologized to Poor Little 10yo Baby Tim whom i hurt and traumatized So Badly how will he ever forgive me...'#'fuck my family wtf is wrong w these assholes' 'i killed the joker for like 3 minutes' 'i love you i have no further issues aside from#Teenage Angst which will be cured via being told my anger is disproportional and of course one (1) hug form my Dearest Father'#when will i read someone 'pullin the alfred card' and jason respondin w 'fuck alfred'. he deserves to be an asshole w the way hes treated..#ok ill stop now im just. very done w this stuff
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tbh it's annoying when people perceive the "i cant make a decision about where to eat, you decide!" thing as being indecisive and/or noncommittal when in fact it's almost always the person being considerate of your wants over their own and/or also the person having such bad anxiety that they're worried if they tell you what they actually want, you'll be disappointed in what they chose and thus won't enjoy it.
#and conversely oftentimes the person asking can be one of two things#the first is that they genuinely don't care so they want you to choose#OR they're in a similar boat and don't want to make you do something you won't enjoy which is why they keep asking#tangibly related but i one time had an ex who said i was manipulative because i asked them 'hey do you want to get pizza?' and they were#like wtf is wrong with you if you want pizza just say so and dont manipulate me. and i was like. what. whats wrong with you.#im not the weird one here
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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently
#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting#with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though#you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would#think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page#disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol#THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended#(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever#so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with#no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know#EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably#It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end#point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc#I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc#rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is#not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school#but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia#and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like#the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot#or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are#familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them#Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol
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i said i love zelink
#why do these mfs have so many details in their clothing#bruh drawing this was a nightmare#na dont get me wrong i love them but wtf#zelink#zelda totk#zelda botw#zelda#link#lmao tagging link feels so unfair dude why do u have that nameeeee#anyways i love zelink#i did minor changes to zeldas boots and collar? what the heck is that called. anyways i changed some of it bc i can#and bc my eyes get confused by the lighter tone in her boots like. at first glance i always think her legs are exposed#like shes wearing capri pants or whatever the name#i cant read nor write#i could write an entire paragraph here like those AO3 authors about what happened in my life during the making of this piece#but theres a limit in these tags and id rather just laugh about it#i referenced the ao3 authors bc their life seems cursed and thats exactly how i felt during my own said events#but its ok im back again#until im not anymore#expect more drawings of them from me -needs the pressure
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Welcome to the “they’re just like me fr (derogatory)” club featuring no color because I would rather die than draw Sif with color
#keese draws#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#jackie stern#oxygen not included#ignore how I made sif look comically tiny I didn’t mean to even if I’m right#also the (derogatory) mostly applies to just jackie but sif made me remember I have hashtag issues so he gets a lil too#I do deeply adore both of them I just like jackie more because she’s a terrible person#which in turn means I bully her harder#I wish I could imagine fun interactions between sif and her or olivia but alas I don’t think it’d be very interesting#jackie would not be interested in talking to sif and olivia as much as I love her isn’t a very interesting conversationalist lol#I’d still enjoy watching her and sif interact but I feel like sif would get kinda overwhelmed by her technical questions#same with jackie if she actually did talk to them but I think she’d be more keen to seek the scientists of their world#and then she’s like this time craft needing immense power thing is bullshit I did it and it generates infinite power all by itself#and then she blows up this planet too to prove her point or smth#but yeah there’s smth deeply wrong with these guys I think they should die horrifically over and over again#but alas that only happens to one of them 😔#I’d love to put jackie in a timeloop she’d actually probably be actively happy for the first maybe few months but once she starts to crack#she’d just spiral soooo bad and shes absolutely incapable of self reflecting so her ass is not escaping#rly the most interesting question of looping jackie to me is how long would it take her to even for a second think she might have done a#single thing wrong in her life lol#sif vc aw shit I just messed smth small up time to have a breakdown over it#jackie vc wtf why did the earth blow up this must be dr.techna’s fault
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I do not understand how this can happen once. But now it's happened twice.
Just an fyi, it's not just america that's going to suffer for the next four years. I'm Australian and I never felt closer to WWIII than when trump was in last time.
Is it sexism? Is that what got him over the line?
Whatever.
Right now, this minute (unless it's bed time in america idk) I want those of you with morals to start working toward the presidency. Every one of you. I don't care about your age, gender, sexuality, ethnicity. If you think ppl should have bodily autonomy, if you think grabbing women Anywhere without their permission is bad, if you think every one of your citizens should be treated equally, if you think war is very bad and there's always a better solution, then start working toward the white house. Flood the options with good ppl. If the only politicians available in four years are those with ethics, then your incredibly weird way of voting won't matter anymore.
Basically, the next four years are what they are. Focus on what comes next.
#do americans know what a joke their country became the last time he was in?#it's astounding they want to do that again#i really truly hope some better ppl step up to the plate soon#don't get me wrong our pollies aren't a bed of roses#but they're currently bickering about how many of them got free flight upgrades#they're not going to be kicking off the nuclear holocaust anytime soon#us politics#us elections#how is this real#wtf is with your way of voting?#this state looks mostly red let's just say they all voted red??#why aren't all your votes counted?#this is why I'm glad australia isn't a republic#i know there are lots of reasons to get rid of the royals#but the one big reason to keep them is the governor general can kick out the PM if needed#like if we ever pulled an 'america' & lost all our collective braincells & voted in pauline hanson for eg#ok i should have been in bed two hours ago#night#I'll hope for a miracle & someone finds out team trump cheated somehow
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I truly don't think I've ever been this into someone who is showing this little interest in me. like is this just a manifestation of my self loathing or something
#genuinely think I've never experienced anything /this/ onesided before#like usually there are at least some sort of signals from the other person that even get me to this point you know#except for like. when i was 12#i guess I'm going through puberty again or whatever#there were some moments though... where i almost thought there was something that didn't exist just on my part#and usually I'm not very delusional when it comes to these things or like. only in the other direction ahejdjd#so i don't even know#maybe they just subconsciously picked up on being wanted#and that made them bask in it a little#and i interpreted it wrong#but yeah. even with those moments#99% of all our interactions proof that there's nothing for them. not even a friend crush where you just really want to get closer to the#other person on a platonic level#they're just. not interested in me#like at all#SO WHY THE FUCK AM I FALLING IN LOVE WITH THEM#like that is sooo fucking stupid. who would do something like that. wtf. wtf
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transphobic kenjaku canon?
#Kenjaku is for sure (afab) nb. But also they ask ur pronouns specifically to misgender u#This is Abt kenjaku like... Using the wrong name(?) for Uraume? Idk wtf is going on.#Anyway dont come at me for this post I'm also afab nb trans guy#Do the sorcerers get to pick the bodies they get incarnated into? Probably not specific bodies but like#Listen. Could mean a lot of things but I'm curious now if Uraume binding(?) their chest was a ''trying to look more masc'' thing#Or a prefernce unrelated to gender or what? Isn't the stuff they use also like not binding(??) it's like a type of chest wrap#Okay I know this is A Thing but I cannot fucking recall the name one sec#SARASHI THATS THE BITCH. Anyway it's often worn to protect the body and I don't remember if Uraume wears it just on the chest or on the#Whole torso or what so idk if it's binding or protective or both. Can someone offer them a binder or a sports bra or something I don't thin#It's healthy to have that stuff wrapped around ur chest like that. Unrelated. Did they always have that red splotch on their hair#And we just couldn't see it in flashbacks or what. why the fuck do they have a red splotch
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the trainee reminds me of a boss and a babe and yes it's because every ep has me thinking where the fuck is the hr department in this fucking company?
#so many things happening and almost every one of them is a hr violation#if they're trying to complete the book of hr violations as fast as possible really impressive bc they're close to do it#i think all of these characters need to know what a proper workplace behavior is like wtf#also explain to me WHY judy didn't take ANY responsibility in kissing bahmee...#if i remember correctly she in fact DID kiss her back when bahmee moved her face away#a boss and a babe has the situation a little worse because cher was having a relationship with the actual ceo of the company#also never forgetting him bring the wrong coffee to gun on purpose he would be fired in this exact moment irl#but as i am guncher for life 🤞 i also am janeryan love them very much#still deciding in what at what level am i with judybahmee#i love women and love even more sapphic women so...#the trainee the series#witchbz-bl#witchbz : watchz the trainee
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ཻ۪۪♡.
#i want to learn how to vent healthily#bc i have this incessant pathological need to like share every thought i have#and if i dont i get this restless uneasy feeling in my chest and i get restless and worried and like wtf?#whats wrong w me? maybe it has smth to do w that during my entire life i have never been listened to or been helped#like during my life i've asked for help repeatedly but when i have i've only been dismissed or not believed etc etc#so maybe that translated into my head to just feel the need to share it in a public space.....#bc i used to write rverything in a diary but i filled them too quickly and i cant afford the money or space to do that#so i started using twitter and now tumblr... but that has only resulted in me like feeding into it?#it's not healthy to feel the need to share EVERY thought or else u feel crazy. i also shouldnt focus or dwell on thoughts sm#i do have issues bc of my disorders and anxiety. plus avpd in swedish is literally called 'anxious personality disorder' 💀#so it is in me to be anxious and worried and neurotic#but still i want to learn how to not be fixated on thoughts and feelings (also a challenge bc bpd makes feelings feel all consuming)#if i think smth - that also can be totally untrue and only based on my worries -#i can just think it and let it go. idk have to dwell on it and obsess over it. (im trying mindfulness for years lol)#bc most of my venting is like me getting stuck in feelings and idk why i feel the need to express it constantly?#it isnt worth it. bc actually it has caused rifts and missunderstandings in multiple connections i've had online...#i do feel like venting isnt smth bad.. and i think emotions are PERSONAL and like completely unrelated to truth and other ppl#but i get it.. esp when u only know eo online and dont know everything going on in eo's heads#then u only get that as a full image when it isnt the whole picture#so like idk. i WANT to be able to get a healthier outlook on it.. bc this isnt working#both bc of myself and for myself but also in relation to others#and like. why do i like never see anyone else on thmblr/twitter that post EVERY thought like me???? (i dont think its wrong to do bc *i*#have a different pov on it and idc abt other ppl's vents but .. yeah idk why do i do this but no one else does it at the level i do?#so idk i've just been thinking of this lately bc yeah.. yeah i just dont know i dont know.... :///#i actually want to be able to not ruminate and get stuck in it but idk how to break free?#plus expressing positive emotions & thoughts is terrifying to me like idk why but i cant????#why??? i feel like im undeserving of good things that i cant even express smth nice bc im like .. i dont deserve to think/feel that??
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Am i a bad person for feeling...happy? Vindicated i guess? About the person who hurted me in so many ways being finally seen for who they are; about them being cast aside and people actually understanding how f*cking dangerous they are???
I mean it's been years and i somehow put all that sh*t that happened to me behind my back; but hearing what is happening to them right now makes my heart feel so light and my brain scream " JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED B*TCH!! "
#don't get me wrong i still hate them#i hate them so so much#and i am so happy their life is crumbling in so many lil pieces#impossibile to fix at this rate#and still i feel like i shouldn't be#wtf is wrong with me#why do i feel guilt about feeling guilty#especially about someone who used and abused me#for years#sigh
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#ramblings of a lunatic#good lord WHY AM I SO BAD AT TEXTING IT DOES NOTHING BUT CAUSE ME PROBLEMS I CAN'T GENUINELY BE THIS OVERWHELMED BY THE PROSPECT OF#CONVERSATION LIKE#genuinely it's not funny anymore wtf is wrong with me WHY DO I TAKE DAYS TO GET BACK TO PPL#THEY HATE IT IT MAKES THEM MAD AT ME AND THEN I'M MAD AT ME BUT I'M STILL FUCKING DOING IT AND I WANNA STOP#like it's not that i don't love these people they're literally my best friends i just. idk I'm all up in my head#about having nothing to say or not even having memes to send them (my fyp is mostly comics and they don't like that stuff)#god. killing myself i am so dog shit at this whole ''being a person'' thing
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studying psychology literally does nothing for your understanding of yourself btw. you just end up with better knowledge of excel
#going to rant in the tags a little because maybe someone has the same experience#like. i am aromatic. and probably asexual. sometimes i feel like i might be in love with a person because i start craving company with them#but when i think about any romantic or intimate touch i start dissasotiating and get really weirdly sad and unenthusiastic about the idea#apathetic even. it's like i want something i can't describe or even get realistically#and my own relationship with touch is also really weird#i remember when i was an early teen i would deprive myself of touch in times of stress#if i was crying or something i would sit and spread my limbs so that they weren't touching each other bc i didn't feel deserving#of the comfort#and like!!! wtf!!!! nothing ever happened to me to cause that. did it#i'm literally just a normal girl#why am i like this and what is wrong with me. why can't i love normal why is it always an obsession and a game#why do i get interested and then when i finally understand the person i'm not anymore. people aren't rubix cubes but my heart thinks them so#sigh. please can i have one normal relationship with a person. one good friend#anyways LOL bye
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genuinely didnt think proship people still existed what the fuck
#hi someonr whos proship joined my server#banned them but like. wtf is wrong with u#i fucking cant#and besides me theres just eclipse and missy in the staff#theyre both offline /nm#so i had to deal with it im dealing with trying to keep myself alive every day i cant do this#im crying i feel physically ill/srs#wtfwtfwtfwtf#i wanna genuinely die i hate everyone#like why do so many people in this world fucking suck#tw sui ideation#vent
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