#going to rant in the tags a little because maybe someone has the same experience

[trlvsn]

studying psychology literally does nothing for your understanding of yourself btw. you just end up with better knowledge of excel

[scoobydoodean]

Hey 👋 I just wanted to ask when, in your view of Dean, do you see him figuring out his sexuality? I know you don't like the idea that Sam explains it to him as an adult through some inexplicable ability to diagnose someone with bisexuality and I also dislike this idea as I feel it kinda disregards both Dean's personal experiences as well as the general climate towards queer people when he was growing up which was obviously not favourable at all. Also if you believe that he figured himself out early on, do you think rufus and bobby helped with that? Idk I just like the idea of dean having queer elders in his life and finding out about himself that way. Or maybe I just like the idea of dean having a support group 😞. Anyway sorry this ended up being me just kinda going on a rant. Thank you for all your dean posts he is my favourite and seeing you defend him makes me very happy 😊

I enjoy the idea that Dean has been hooking up with women and men the whole time and we just don't get to see that explicitly (because of the network? Because of Chuck? Because Dean keeps his activities with men under wraps out of caution? Because he made a bet over how long it'd take Sam to notice? Pick your poison).

Fun little bits that lend to this perspective for me are 1.15 The Benders, Dean's fascination with Dr. Sexy and his sexy cowboy boots, Crowley and Demon Dean's summer of love (especially the triplets), Dean's affinity for dorky little guys and Victor Henriksen.

The most interesting and convincing one to me though is the idea of Dean testing the waters with Cas a few times in season 5 with little flirtations, only to come to the conclusion that Cas isn't into men because Cas keeps missing all of his hints about hooking up (5.03a, 5.03b, 5.03&4.10&5.15, 5.18). Or they did hook up once at some point but it didn't become anything more and didn't happen again after the one time (6.19).

Regretfully, I must also spare a nod to #sam knows (but so does Dean!).

It's just fun to me. It's fun to think about. I don't really have any specific headcanons about an exact time period when he figured out "Oh I like chicks and dudes". But I also don't think John Winchester would give a shit if Dean fucked dudes or wanted to date or even marry a guy so I don't know that the family aspect would be such a big issue (*cough cough* bi John truthing). If anything, I think John might worry himself sick about Dean getting hate crimed by somebody and open his big mouth and say some things he shouldn't have—the same way he drove Sam away because he was so fixated on the terror he felt at the idea of Sam not being safe (1.08, 1.20). Then again, John was never as paranoid about Dean's safety as he was about Sam's.

I do have a tag where I collect queer dean stuff. #swayze always gets a pass.

[parameciam]

i'm so tired of fandom police and people that demands that i justify why i like the things i like / ship the things i ship -.-

CW: mentions of SA, CSA, ableism + long rant incoming about my own experience in fandom as an autistic person

this morning i stumbled on a post (not here) about my fav ship, saying that we should talk about a certain scene (dubcon) and that their shippers never talks about it.

i read the whole thing and ended up so fkn annoyed and spent all day thinking about why i was so mad.

it's not because someone doesn't like my fav ship, btw, i couldn't care less about other people ship preferences. i only care about my own and wish everyone else did the same so i can enjoy my "problematic" things in peace, thank u very much.

it wasn't about the dubcon part either, i know it's triggering, it's complicated, and many people won't ever ship them because of that. no one is required to ship them, or like them at all, btw. (addendum: it's a canon side ship, not fanon) and of course i'm not going to question other people's squicks and triggers, esp since i was sexually abused as a child.

and then it dawned on me that that i was mad because the post wasn't really an invitation for us shippers to share our views on them. it was an invitation for other people to be scandalized with them about shiping something like that, and since they directly mentioned the ship and the characters, i stumbled upon it.

for a moment i contemplated the possibility of actually replying and going meta over my blorbos, but decided against it because i don't have the emotional capacity to participate on discourse without fear of ending up having a meltdown.

but i kept thinking of how this kind of thing has happened all my life: the things i like, the ships i ship, the characters i love, the media i consume, and the ways i enjoy them have always been questioned (for different reasons across time). being autistic equals being perceived as wrong, broken, too much, too little, too weird (long list of misc etc) and people outright tells you that or shows it anyway, even if they think they don't lol so I'm like, extra tired of feeling excluded and/or constantly being made to feel wrong and immoral.

it's not like i don't know that some of the thinks i like/write/read etc are dark, morally wrong, unsafe irl, etc. it's just that i enjoy all that in fiction, i think it's a safe place to explore delicate issues and themes, and esp enjoy finding the nuances that the narrative wants to explore. i love imperfect victims, i love good people making wrong choices, i love the realism of gray characterization.

i don't anyone to tell me shit i already know, i have eyes, i read/watched the same novel/manga/whatever. maybe we have different interpretations, but that's it. i don't think i'm morally superior, nor do i want to be. what i do want are discussions in good faith.

maybe that's why no one mentions that scene either, because we already know how that's going to go (and it's already a small side of fandom, so why bother).

sorry for the looong ramble, i needed to get this out of my system. i don't want to tag the ship/fandom because this was mainly about my own feelings and don't want to bring hate or initiate discourse about them.

in fact, most of my thoughts and feelings about them are going to take the form of a fic relatively soon: i don't feel qualified to write meta about them 😅 but i want to explore so many things about them, and disability, and ableism, autonomy, agency, etc etc etc.

[yesireadbooks]

Writer Questions Tag

This is gonna be loonggg... haha. Thank you @starbuds-and-rosedust for the tag!

Gently tagging: @the-chaotic-writer @holdmyteaplease @enne-uni @ashwithapen and an open tag for you!

1) What motivates you to write?

Ok, this is a very philosophical one. I've always had a lot of stories but never the right audience to tell them. So, I began to write. This was an on and off thing going on for a while and was basically a thing I did during holidays. But, now that school is a bit easier and the work load lighter, I can start telling my stories. So, whilst the need to tell my stories is one motivation, I also want to write something which would leave an imprint on the reader(s). Something that would either someone finds relatable or opens up someone's perspective.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

Ooof, so, there is this one opening I'm in love with. Mainly cuz it attacks me haha. This is from Experiment 615.

Word on the streets is that if you see a scientist and a policeman together, you are either the next experiment, or the last one is near you. But no one thought of a story for when five policemen, two scientists and ten soldiers and two army generals arrive at the Chromia State High School. So, here is one.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

This one undoubtably goes to Hoshito, whom you might already know cuz I rant about her like a lot. She is a toddler, speaks only Japanese and an adopted child following the death of her parents during a car crash (I'm sorry, little one). She is so adorable and sometimes instead of writing, I just keep smiling at my screen.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

This is a quite hard one; I've never thought about it. But now that I did, I think my favourite part is reading through the second or third draft, which would ideally be the best version of my wip.

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Ouch, this one hurts my self-depreciating personality. I think I am good at conveying emotions via psychiatric reactions. That is becuz I tend to find ways to info dump in my wips and this is the way I info dump Psychiatry. That helps me write some realistic foreshadowing as well as maybe comical hints.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I love the engagement and encouragement of the community. Because, after my English Teacher, this is the only community that has actually said something good about my writing. Academic and Fictional.

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I find notepad very very useful in my writing. I use LibreOffice Writer for normal writing but sometimes when I have only sketch ideas, or poems, I first write it in notepad and then, cross edit with multiple tabs open.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

Ooohh, now I won't bombard you with this, I have @scalmropia for that, but I will rant about the royal attire I made for the Monarch and Princess Admiral.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

This is something I often tell myself. Take a moment and do something else, like maybe draw an OC or make a map or maybe even do something crazy like writing a national anthem or an army skit. That way, you can help yourself immerse more in the wip(s) while also reducing the pressure. Personally, doing this has made me think up better character dynamics, flow of story and even some new pre/sequel or unrelated wips.

Also, try unrelated short stories and poetry. That helps to stretch and loosen you brain muscles (not literally haha) and in the long run, help with your main writing.

Also, doing something else also might push you for balancing wips and other creatives. It did that to me.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

Well, it goes without question that @holdmyteaplease is my biggest supporter while @enne-uni @sanbukk3t @anonymousfoz @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @starbuds-and-rosedust are some of my biggest supporters. Thank you so much y'all, much love and appreciation! Then when I comes to people whose works, I love, I cannot stress this enough, I LOVE ALL OF YOUR (plural) WORKS.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk..!

Clean question set under the cut

1) What motivates you to write?

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters:

[soul-dwelling]

Regarding the last post, and not that anyone asked me, but, hey, I've been on this blog long enough that I'd feel awkward if I didn't say something about the recent news:

This is also why this weekend's obnoxious "OMG we are so going to get a reboot!!1" conjectures piss me off.

Beyond how much Fire Force has flat-out ruined a lot of Soul Eater for me--

(But that's on me: I can debate whether Fire Force in fact ruined Soul Eater, but for me, yeah, Fire Force ruined a lot about what I enjoyed about Soul Eater, albeit not really ruined the initial experience reading and watching it, and certainly not the fandom experience I had years ago.)

--beyond how it ruined Soul Eater, I just see this monkey's paw problem coming. And I have ranted so much about this monkey's paw problem that I really hate getting into it again, because I have nothing new to say that I haven't said already on this same blog repeatedly. Y'all wanted a reboot or a continuation so badly? Well, enjoy seeing the worst parts of the manga finally getting animated (which, again, looks worse after Fire Force, given that now nothing stands in the way of Ohkubo being horny-in-animation because no editor and no animation studio stopped him with Fire Force). And enjoy the lackluster tie-in to Fire Force, a manga that single-handedly took so much of the creativity of Soul Eater and flushed it down the toilet to be a shoddy prequel that erases so many more fascinating ways you could have set up the Soul Eater world but didn't.

"It was our world all along!" Oh, fuck off.

Like, I have wanted to not post this, and I make sure not to tag this stuff in the #SoulEater tag on social media, because who wants someone raining on their parade. But I just can't stand this fixation on getting that reboot, because Fire Force just soured me on this entire experience.

I don't want this to sound like nostalgia rose-tinted goggles: "Ugh, you like Fire Force? I'm a person of culture, I enjoy classic works--like 2003's Soul Eater." That'd be pretty obnoxious, and I hope I'd be a little better than that. I can admit what didn't work in Soul Eater.

The original anime had its own flaws. For example, the Arachnophobia vs DWMA arc divides its attention so much between Maka, Kid, and Black Star so that, while Black Star's narrative feels like it makes real progress, it is diluted by how all of these stories are spread out. And Soul in the anime acts unnecessarily dickish towards Maka, whereas in the corresponding manga chapters he was supporting Maka without being intrusive. And of course Maka suddenly manifesting weapon powers and winning with the punch of courage, even if this many years later we can debate the merits to these choices, were divisive then and still remain controversial because of how abrupt it all feels.

And it's not as if Fire Force created flaws that weren't already there in the original Soul Eater and NOT mangas, in particular how the plots for both series sometimes feel they are just spinning their wheels without progressing characterization or plot, especially around the Sky Whale chapter and pretty much all of NOT.

But it is hard for me to get as excited as other people are over just two pieces of recent news that they are so desperate to read as proof a reboot is coming when, no, even if this is testing the waters for a reboot, the first goal is to just make more money off of our nostalgia for Soul Eater.

Yes, BONES coming out with 15th anniversary merchandise surprised me--but that is primarily just to generate new art they can put cheaply onto cheap raw materials (shirts and maybe tote bags and keychains?) and secondarily to test the waters for a reboot.

Yes, I am really surprised the companies involved negotiated to put Soul Eater stuff into a dull-looking Fire Force mobile game (...that was mean, but, jeez, I thought Fire Force looked uniform and boring already, making it a mobile game looks even worse--at least BONES and other companies made more varied artwork for the Bungo Stray Dogs game, and that is a simple drag-and-aim marble shooter, much less complicated gameplay than the Fire Force game). Sure, maybe that is testing the waters for a reboot, or winking at the audience to anticipate what they already know is coming at the end of the Fire Force anime. But this seems like crass "let's tap into people's Soul Eater nostalgia to get more downloads for our game."

And that's what really pisses me off about all of this. Don't get me wrong, this news has gotten a lot of attention on the shitty bird app, and I expect the shitty bird app has a bigger imprint online than Tumblr does. But I can go through Tumblr every day and see people adding more and more Soul Eater content. I see a fandom that, even if the frequency of posts is less, is still thriving. I don't see that with Fire Force.

I see this news--"OMG, new merch and a collaboration for the mobile game!"--as these flashes-in-the-pan that spur a ton of reactions to trend on the shitty bird app--then, crickets, things die down, no one talks about it for months. It's not a consistent engagement. Maybe that works from an economic standpoint: you sell a lot of merch all at once, then things die off, whereas fandom work is ongoing but also not making the creators any more money. But it is also why I find Soul Eater more endearing: at least people keep making stuff based on it, I rarely come across Fire Force stuff (and it's not like I don't look for it: I may despise how that series ended, but I still want to see how fan creators mostly improve upon what is wrong with that series).

So, TL, DR: I don't dispute that these two pieces of news are to test the waters to see whether an audience would be into a reboot. I find it surprising to get these both at the same time. I'm not disputing whether this can or can't lead to a reboot being announced. But Jesus Christ, calm down, this is just content to get you to buy more stuff, and it's content to prop up a lackluster Fire Force, and it just reinforces how much I hate how it seems like Fire Force depended so much on Soul Eater for nostalgia factor instead of standing on its own as a story.

[cowboylikeekatie]

all 35 lol tysm for answering those 2 tho!!

okay here i go!

6: i get mistaken usually around 15-16, it’s close to my age tho so it doesn’t matter

7: i don’t have any tattoos! i want to get a little disco ball tattoo when i’m older because of mirrorball by taylor swift:)

8: i just answered this one ^^

9: i have my ears pierced but other than that no piercings!

10. i want either a bellybutton piercing or double ear lobes!

11. my best friends name is richie! i forgot his tumblr so i can’t tag him tho!

12. i’m taken! i have the sweetest bf ever:)

13. i’m not going to answer my turn ons because idk

14. turn offs uh i hate when people r like really just mean?

15. my favorite movie huh i wonder…(IT 2017) (or brokeback mountain)

16. i’ll love you if you let me ramble about my hyperfixations or even better if u love them too and reply to me and we can discuss

17. i miss my grandpa because he’s like dead

18. my most traumatic experience was like probably having one of my closest friends in the past like… manipulate me into a lot of stuff, idk i don’t wanna vent so i’m not going to go into detail but it sucked

19. a fact about my personality is probably that i’m like very anxious, i talk fast i ramble fast i rant a lot it’s just a me thing idk

20. the thing about myself i probably hate the most is that i’m really avoidant without realizing it? if i start to actually be close to someone i’ll usually just get distant, or my weight. my insecurity about my weight used to be a lot worse but i just try to ignore it now

21. the thing i love most about myself is that i’m really goal oriented. i love to work hard to do something

22. OOH i love this question! when i’m older i want to be a child psychologist or a pediatrician! i want to go to yale (in connecticut) or to colby college (which is in maine)

23. my relationship with my brother used to suck a lot because we argued so much but i think we’ve gotten closer

24. me and my parents get along super well! they’ve always told me i can do whatever i want and they’re so kind.

25. my idea of a perfect date depends on the person? idk maybe a picnic

26. my biggest pet peeves are snoring and mouth breathers sorry

27. a description of the boy i like uh he’s my age, he’s probably 4 ish inches taller than me i think, he has brown hair

28. the person i dislike the most is taller than me, she’s 2 years older, uh idk

29. i try not to lie but i did have a friendship where i lied to them because i was scared they’d be mad

30. i hate the stress of it, like i’m academically motivated but i’m really scared of getting in trouble or being late to class

31. my last text message is “your gonna be my twin for twin day during spirit week right? i actually think that’ll be easy because we shop at a lot of the same places”

32. being called fat is the word that upsets me the most

33. i enjoy being called smart

34. in women i like when they’re taller, uh masc, that’s it

35. in men i like when they’re taller, glasses, long hair

36. connecticut! i want to live somewhere colder

37. my weight is one of my insecurities

38. i wanted to be a rockstar when i was little

39. coffee is my fav ice cream flavor!

okay thanks 🫡

[justa-smalltown-gargoyle]

this is a rant post, me just unloading my anger so that my poor friends and family don’t have to hear it, this is about Secret Invasion but really Marvel as a whole. Again, this is a grumpy post, and if you’ve come to the tag cuz you’re excited to talk about Secret Invasion, all good, but probably don’t read this post cuz I know the horrible feeling when someone kills my vibe. 

also major spoilers ahead for Secret Invasion episode 1.

What the actual fuck.

No really.

What the fuck.

I was not super excited for secret invasion because the last few Marvel works have been lacking, the last one I enjoyed was Wakanda Forever. It however did not quite hit the spot that Marvel movies usually do.

However, I still tuned in today- watched the episode, not gonna lie, it was slow going. Many people said this was different, more intriguing. To me, it was the same old same old. Literally how the fuck do you mess up an invasion lead by shapeshifters? How the hell do you make that boring? 

It was great to see Fury, Maria and Talos again, but it’s frustrating because we really haven’t had any answers to what he’s (Fury) been REALLY up to all this time. And all this talk about abandoning earth, and “you’re not the same since the blip” because heaven forbid they let Fury keep his swag since he’s seemingly the main character. They really said to make this threat seem legitimate we need Fury to seem in over his head. When has he ever not been??? Just because someone is the main character doesn’t mean we need all their cards on the table as the audience. 

Aside from all those issues, and just being “generic rebel group are evil”, once again. Seems a bit fishy to me- Captain Marvel was so interesting by making them *not* the bad guys, but yet. Here we are.

And then, they fucking killed Maria Hill. 

One, severely under-developed character, who’s beloved, but never had enough screen time since day one. Marketed her as a selling point. and then killed her. Seems familiar to me, a bit too familiar. 

It gives me the same feeling of when they killed Nat for no fucking reason all over again. Idk maybe this time, Maria “isn’t actually dead” and I’m gonna look like a fool but it doesn’t seem like it. I’m tired of them pulling this. It’s a death purely for shock purposes and that is shitty-ass writing. And once again! Killing women to motivate men! Which is the third time they’ve done this, if not more, I’m only counting from Infinity War. 

It’s cheap. All their new content is cheap. And I don’t want to disregard the work that the writers, vfx crew, the actors and set crew and directors are doing- they’re working with what they got. But it’s clear that Marvel is trying to churn out so much so fast that they aren’t allowing time for the creative process, nor are they ever allowing for creativity at all. Once again, Maria Hill is another name in a long list of wasted opportunities by Marvel. 

I used to enjoy these movies so much and I think it’s truly devastating to me, realizing what it’s become and the fact I probably won’t ever experience those feelings again.

I am looking forward to the Marvels film, Daredevil Born Again and a little bit about a few others, but honestly, my hopes aren’t too high.

[jorstar]

im gunna do a little psa on how buy one get one sales work using examples from a customer that uses our pickup dept to shop and has done it incorrectly each time and treats me like im stupid and we messed up her order :) 

also from more of a pickup perspective but im pretty sure it all applies to normal in store check out and in others stores not just my chain.

if youre buying buy one/buy 2 etc get one free products through a pickup service do it exactly how you would do it if you went through the store. the best way i explain it to people is order how much you want to leave with. so if you want bogo bread you would bring 2 ( if you want to pay for 2 and get 2 free you bring up 4 yada yada) up to the cashier and it will be taken off when the sale goes through, and you can always ask the cashier to double check. so my first example using this lady is she ordered 2 pork loins that where bogo i take her order out and shes asks where her other pork loins are “it says you ordered 2″ “well i wanted 4″ “then you should order 4 we cant just assume and add 2 on without your permission” “ well why not thats stupid” :)))))))))) “BECAUSE what if you DIDNT want 4 and only 2, then you wouldve been charged for shit u didnt order and then youd have to come back for a refund and say why did u give me 4 when i only ordered 2 u idiots are you trying to scam me :))))” (ok did not say that last part but in hindsight is still a good explanation) “well now im going to have to comeback later and get the other 2″ hmmm sounds like a learning experience! :) spoiler: it was not. 

the only time we add stuff on is when someone orders only one of a buy one get one product and we will only add it on carside where we’ll say this was buy one get one but you only ordered one and we’ll usually get  “oh i didnt know that! cool!” or “oh i thought thats what i did? did i do it wrong” or “no, i only need one”

and lastly a lot of bogo can be mix and match meaning they dont have to be the same product. a lot of the time the tag on the shelf will say get one free of equal or lesser value. so what the lady did today when i brought out to her was ask where her missing vitamins were. i thought they were straight up missing so i went back to our room to see if there was a missing bag and she came to our door saying she got the vitamins she ordered she just didnt get the free ones. me, whos shift is over and just wants to get out of here, says “ :))) ok, ill have to go grab those for you then :)))” she ordered like..5 different kinds of vitamins. one of each of course! so whoever picked them for her probably saw the equal or lesser value tag and thought thats what she was doing. but nope! we just have to know somehow that she actually wanted 2 of each! so i gave her the other vitamins she wanted FOR FREE bc i had already processed the payment before she brought up missing stuff. and then she was kinda pissed off when i brought them out and had her check that i had everything like lady you essentially only paid for 3 OF THE 10 OF THESE. I HOPE YOU LOOK AT YOUR RECEIPT LATER AND FEEL FUCKING STUPID. maybe when this has happened to you  a couple times maybe maybemmabye mmmaybe MAYBE! its not us :)

this wasnt really an educational moment out the goodness of my heart i just wanted to rant about dis lady

[baladric]

i was just randomly scrolling through the tdt tag and i saw your post about the horrible treatment by supposed fans towards stiefvater and trc/tdt and i couldn’t agree more. things were always tricky and it was a sad sad day when she closed her tumblr and i remember a lot of it had to do with the treatment of kavinsky’s character. i’m not saying there weren’t problematic elements to her writing but she more often than not got criticised for all sorts of dumb shit but i truly hoped that the fandom had matured in the years following the release of the raven king but i suppose it was not to be. i remember when she did a reddit ama and got accused of being homophobic because declan and jordan got engaged but not ronan and adam. like ?!?!? did this person even pay attention to the story and their character arcs?? it would make very little sense for pynch to get engaged, not least because they are barely in the same place for most of tdt. anyway sorry for the rant but i just truly feel bad for maggie, for all the work and love she put into these characters and doing it all through a scary illness that nearly stopped her from writing and by all accounts would have killed her. i definitely think she wasn’t prepared for the level of fandom and attention she was going to receive for trc and it sucks that she’s had to reduce her presence from social media since. i can’t wait for her next books though especially because they seem to be more for adults. i think she has truly mastered young adult fiction so i’m curious to see what she does next, and it’s bound to be good if tdt is any indication

oh word, friend! honestly the vitriolic outlash re: kavinsky was sort of my personal first red flag about the rising of purity culture in fandom spaces (though there were, and are, valid criticisms of k obviously, like yikes re: the "face of a refugee" shit)—and now all this stuff about pynch in tdt is like... idk, people have lost touch with the concepts of nuance and also unhomogenized relationship arcs.

(THIS GOT SO LONG SORRY, I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS)

idk how understood this is, but as a chronically ill person, i think about it a lot—ronan's entire arc in tdt, especially in cdth, is about chronic illness and the arduous, painful process of acceptance of one's disability and consequent limitations. like you said, stiefvater came into tdt after a terrifying illness during which she literally lost the ability to string sentences together, and very much had no idea if it was a skill she would ever regain. and she's still dealing with issues, i'm sure, because any serious illness leaves its marks.

being a dreamer has always had aspects of chronic illness, though one could argue that its original plot inclusions in trc aligned more with experiences of addiction and mental illness (with a soupçon of internalized homophobia, for Flavor™). but the way tdt starts off with ronan being very directly forced into conflict with his physical capabilities in regards to doing the things he needs to do for his own essential happiness (read: moving to be closer to adam, and his following inability to actually do that, as it took him too far off the ley line to be safe for him,or anyone around him) is a classic chronic illness narrative. and considering what stiefvater was coming out of, experientially, it's very clear that this is deliberate.

(i think she's actually talked about this somewhere, maybe in that reddit ama, but idr where! if anyone wants to follow-up with that, it would be lovely)

the thing is!!! navigating one's own disability is a grieving process—and grief is multifaceted, and comes paired with a lot of anger and railing at god/nature/reality/whatever. which, of course, can absolutely ruin relationships and push loved ones away. and even if it doesn't firebomb those relationships, it still complicates them intrinsically. a person can't help someone that's not helping themself, and it's hard to have space for helping yourself when all of your resources are going towards survival. and ronan is very much surviving. he is not helping himself—and he hasn't been for a long time at the start of tdt. we see that in the daily/weekly schedule declan had to force him to write so he wouldn't just waste away, and it continues apace into, you know. violent ecofascism. (which is a lot more destructive than your average joe can manage with their disability crisis, but you know, each to their own!)

meanwhile, adam's on his own self-worth/self-concept journey, spreading his wings at college and doing the very classic job of swinging oneself so far in the opposite direction of their old behaviors or the person they used to be, that it ends up being its own brand of personal disservice. he has put the adam parrish of henrietta in a box and shoved it to the back of his mind, and donned this very literal disguise (my boy! in a tweed fuckin vest and slacks! love that for him) of ivy league therapist friend!adam, and though we obvs lack adam pov to take the actual temperature of this, it's really clear that this shift isn't sustainable. you can't run from trauma, and you can't run from your past self, and he's making a valiant effort at doing both. it's gonna back up on him, if it's not already.

so ronan going off the rails? not something adam has the capacity to manage gracefully, even if ronan was letting him in—which he isn't, because he's grieving the simple fact of an inherent freedom he'll never be allowed. all of his friends have scattered on the wind like so many traumatized dandelion seeds, and he's stuck in the same place, unable to put the ghosts of their collective past behind him, because they live in his house. this is the driveway where he found his father, dead; this is the barn where he spent countless fruitless hours trying to dream a sweetmetal for his mother, only to have her die horribly before he could; this is the car in which he raced a dead boy, and these are the streets he drove with his best friend on long, sleepless nights when all they could do was try to keep each other from falling through the holes in their heads. the school he failed, the church in which he dreamed a crime worse than anything he'd dreamed before or since, the hummocks of disturbed earth, grown over with tall grass, in which he buried the things that wanted to kill him and who knows how many other corpses of his own physical self.

and he can't leave. he can never leave, so he's clutching at straws and alienating everyone who loves him and just McFreakin Losing It! which is fine, because he's nineteen and stranded and feels more alone than he ever has, in this void of anything like guidance, in the void of parental figures, in the void of any kind of traditional life path, and he has to work all of that out for himself.

so of course he and adam aren't getting fucking engaged. of course it's not a happily ever after—and it would be disinenguous for maggie goddamn stiefvater to give us that! because when has she ever been anything but a writer of complex, messy and wretchedly gorgeous characters? isn't that what drew us all to her in the first place? because fuck, y'all, the draw sure isn't her plots or her worldbuilding! (i love her worldbuilding, to be clear, it's just... aside from the dreaming, it's not super consistent)

stiefvater's appeal as an author is the very unique and complex way she understands her characters' minds, and refuses to ever play them as archetypes. gansey isn't just a nerd, or just a rich boy, or just a lonely person—he is all of them at once. he's a king of men, he's miserable, he's giddy with the thrill of being alive, he wants to get pizza with his friends and drive too fast and be allowed to go fuckin bonkers now and again and kiss the girl he loves.

gansey is a fucking problem. blue is a problem, henry is a problem—adam parrish and ronan lynch are PROBLEMS, and god fuckin bless stiefvater for not only allowing this in her characters, but for leaning into it. she lets them be messy, lets them be awful and fight and do the wrong thing, and—most importantly—she lets them find ways to come back together afterwards!

all this to say, it blows my fucking mind that people are surprised that this trilogy is doing anything other than absolutely wrecking shop. stiefvater wouldn't have written these books if there weren't things in her characters that needed to break in order to be patched back up, stronger than before. the entire raven cycle universe is built on the shifting nature of individual identity, and the ways we all have to create our own fulfillment, because the goals we set for ourselves are very rarely the point of existence that we want them to be. and if the first quartet was about gansey and adam, at their core, then this trilogy is about ronan and declan, building their fulfillment. finding their footing in the world as adults (which, you know, quick point, tdt is not young adult fiction, it's regular old speculative fiction, so uhhh yeah of course the material is gonna be even less fluffy homogenized shit than the first series) and that's fucking HARD and MESSY and just. jeez, y'all, have faith in stiefvater that it'll all come out the better, and find some peace that things are messy right now. (it's not HOMOPHOBIC for a queer person to struggle in fiction, and if you're thinking that, you need to sit down and examine that thought very deeply. i could say a lot about how declan falling in love and getting engaged is extremely meaningful for his personal development, where the same thing wouldn't be for adam and ronan, but uhhh idk)

we make a lot of jokes that stiefvater likes to hurt us, but does she? really? like, yes, her writing hurts, but as a person who was dragged kicking and screaming through his mid-20s by the nape of his neck and the slim hope of the brighter future shown in the raven cycle, i can say that her stories are actually, at their core, about healing and the awful paths we have to walk to reach it. and, with the advent of tdt, they're now also about the fact that healing is cyclical, not linear! there's no end point to growth. there's no happy ending—because there's no ending, short of death. life has ups and downs, and with every layer of ourselves we heal, another, deeper layer pulls back, demanding that same care and attention, those same tears and clawing for the light. it's hard. it sucks. but at the end of the day, we can get gelato with our friends. we can look at art. we can find our sweetmetals to carry us through our days, whether those be assistive devices, or people, or a favorite book.

;laskfjw idk TL;DR, these books would not only not be maggie stiefvater books if adam and ronan just... got engaged and were having a happy, fluffy time of it (and fwiw, declan and jordan are distinctly NOT having a happy fluffy time??)—they would also fucking suck. they would not be entries into this world. they would be doing these characters a fucking disservice. so just. everyone needs to calm down and realize they can just not read something if it makes them mad. what's that meme with the skeleton? you can just LEAVE!!! you can put the book down instead of harassing the fucking author, who is doing nothing but staying true to herself and her motivations in storytelling.

clearly i have a lot of feelings about this. if you read this far, blessings be on your funky little soul, you absolute legend.

[anti-ao3]

my experience with ao3

i joined it around 2015 mainly because of an otgw author i followed on tumblr, and since they were very active on ao3 i thought to myself, "why not?". otherwise it took me a whole year to actually post something there. since then i got quite a following for my undertale fics, and later other fandoms such as steven universe.

my fics are, in general, pretty well liked, sometimes even gaining hundreds of kudos. one even got 1k the other day. most nice comments i get are from ao3 users. even then, i never actually interact with them. i rarely reply to comments, nor do i comment myself; i mainly just bookmark the fics i like. i gradually got more wary of the users since the more i tried to consume fics there, the more messed up shit i would find. for instance, a lot of the ppl who read my ut fics were into fontcest and child/adult content, and it was the same thing for the other fandoms i wrote for.

maybe because of my general avoidance, i never had a traumatizing experience on ao3, like many have unfortunately gone through. i have gotten rude comments every now and then, but i was never caught up in grooming or something as such. even still, looking for fics used to be much worse because i wasn't aware of any filtering extensions, nor did ao3 have the "exclude" feature back then, so the great majority of fics i would find was basically pedo/incest/abuse/racist porn. when they did add the "exclude" feature a couple years ago, it became a little less disheartening - while it was still a pain having to exclude 10-20 tags just to get something normal -, but in general i never quite used ao3 to read many fics, only very niche concepts i'm personally fond of. i also always check if the author reads and/or writes any insidious content, so i'm very selective of what i read and who i follow.

the thing that made me create this account, though, was when i wrote a fma 03 fic last year and i included a tag that said "elricests and royeds have no rights and should rot". someone reported me to ao3 and they accused me of harassment, and hid my work until i got rid of the tag. i refused and posted a very heated rant against ao3, which finally got me suspended for months. in the meantime, ao3 began actively deleting works that included any tags that included "x shippers do not interact" or similar. basically, their excuse was "you have to let ppl ship whatever they want. yes, even if it's incest and pedophilia".

at first, when i was angry, i thought of deleting all my works, but after a while, i realized i didn't want to. the reason my account is still up is mainly sentimental. i've been on ao3 for 7 years now, and i did find some good fics and good ppl in there. my fics are very personal to me, so all the positive (and earned) feedback i got means very much to me. i have many fics there, some still ongoing, so i haven't had the courage to delete my account. i guess it's mainly because i never went through something traumatic there, so it's probably easy for me to have these feelings.

i've always been on a little corner on ao3, really. it means a lot to me when ppl find it and decide to stick in. but of course, ao3 has deeply disappointed me in a lot of ways. i'm only still using the site with a grain of salt. sometimes i wish i could let go, but it's really hard for me to do it. maybe one day i will, but for now, i just really wish i could have a safe space where people can enjoy platonic/familial content without any concern.

ao3 is a huge platform nowadays, and a lot of writers i follow and respect use it. i know taking it down is not easy, so i really wish there was a way for us to pressure ao3 to have better moderation - and actually ADD a blocking/muting feature.

i will always stand on the side of minorities, and i hope one day we get justice for all the harmful things ao3 and its users have done to us.

[mikimagines]

within summer blooms. (which taunt you.)

nagito k. / fem ghost! reader.

tags: angst, no happy ending, right person wrong time, major character death, hurt no comfort (kinda).

writting is not checked: we die like ghost! reader.

(reader is the former ultimate gardener, yes…it’s important to the story.)

small inspirations from animes you might know! (or not.) ; tbhk (mitsuba/kou and…tsukasa) and madoka magica. …mostly tbhk.

this was requested by @adelia-chan ! ☆ thank you!

—

nagito always had horrible luck.

no matter where he went, it would end in ways that nobody has seen before. it was a shame to be unlucky, but with the ways of luck, things never change, not even for the victims of despair…

yet, trapped inside of hope’s peak academy was a strange yet non surprising way he got trapped. summer break was coming sooner than expected, so most students rush to do something to celebrate on their finale exams; college exams. leaving lesser students to do all of the cleaning, which nagito was one of them. . .

and when nagito was finishing up his duties it was only him left, and everyone always forgets about him so the school was left to close for the afternoon. it was stupidly his luck, that left him in this way and staying over night might get him in trouble, so finding a way to get out would be the most important.

and to his disappointment, every door was sealed shut. not even with any of his tricks it wouldn’t work. although he did remember when he did knock down a door accidentally, due to his luck. so the student council has to make all of the doors: “nagito-proof” it makes him a weridly thankful that they could name something out of something he did.

which during his entire rant, on how thankful he is to be part of such a delight indeed, a ghost, who was actually in the middle of going to her (old) garden saw the pale-haired boy infront of the door.

you weren’t really into the fact that he was rambling into something, you just had to make sure he was ok. yet, you forgot that people have known to be afraid of ghost…which you are.

“hey, are you ok?” you replied to the boys, thoughts of respect.

and yet, you were scared.

if he gets scared like the people, who you simply need to know if that they remember correctly that it was you, their friend.

…

and if they don’t, it wouldn’t end that much well for you. especially with the stupidly naive deal you made to see everyone again, family, friends. it was your only chance, so taking it would be a final way to say goodbye.

correct?

—

it was a silent pause into nagitos thoughts. it was extremely his bad luck knowing that he is stuck inside his school, know with a ghost who is in front of him, with concern in their eyes.

“hey…hey! are you ok? the more you stare at me the more my flowers are going to wilt!” you snarled at the boy, not knowing what to do.

it was only a few minutes anyways and he finally spoke even with all the questions his head.

seeing ghosts face to face are a thing that nobody has truly seen.

yet to him, he has seen one. not only is that “unlucky.” it is truly lucky. maybe he can learn more about death more. he’s not afraid of it, maybe.

you facepalm at the boy, currently you were going to get to your garden, and now your stuck with a person who isn’t even afraid of you.

he was just shocked. your smirked for a little, taking that way, since nagito has wasted 30 minutes of your time. it would be better to do the same, yes?

and to your shock as well, he agreed to you taking him to your “garden”, unlike any other average student, example: your very own friend, they think your “garden” is truly where you are going to drag them into the same fate as you.

so they leave…well run away from you, leaving you alone, once again. is this just your loneliness, maybe just a eternal curse you will have until you truly pass on.

and for nagito, he just…agrees like a lost puppy dog that wants to know everything about you. this is a rare time that nagito has now seen in his life. which was you, a finally seen not as a scary illusion from guilt. but as a new friend.

ah, you couldn’t think that much about him, it was only your first time seeing him, and you barely had any time.

being the anniversary of your death soon and soon enough the time you truly have to go, any finally rest for another life.

finally, you went to your small garden. it was blooming more than normal, as the suns blesses with its shine and “love.” it was a easy job. it was your garden obviously, a place full of memories, a place where you could be happy with everyone.

and with nagito with you and him listening to every word your saying, it gives you happy memories. the things you truly wanted to do one last time with everyone, wouldn’t it just be so great?

“hmm…are these roses?” nagito asked during your rambling while watering your bonsai.

you put down your watering can and got ready to ramble about the flowers and the meaning of them.

until you saw nagitos bleeding finger, and was getting on your precious daisy’s, which wasn’t exceptional to you as you scolded the laughing man like a mother.

time passed fastly after that, faster than you can imagine, also you promised to get him out of the school so he can get to his apartment before his classmates start a search party.

yes, even if the barely care for him. it was still needed. no matter what. you sighed, once more you took him to the opened door from a security’s guard (which you accidentally scared.)

and waved goodbye.

—

after that fateful afternoon it was a shock to see nagito stay a little more while at the school, most thought he was up to something big, while the class just took it off as him finally getting “a touch of grass” — hiyoko.

also you both actually introduced yourselves, although you were seemingly confused on how he’s the ultimate “luck” he didn’t seem that much lucky to you. and for you, introducing yourself as the (former) ultimate gardener was easy to figure out due to context clues.

it was slightly embarrassingly, only for you… yet nagito just clapped it off as you still being a symbol of hope.

ah, anyways…

—

it’s been about 2 weeks since the fateful day you meant with nagito. (and more importantly, the day you have to go soon.)

he was almost like a close friend, honestly. every time after-school he would come and visit you and your garden and even learned much about how plants have meanings.

yet, you were on the clock. you had been trying for months just to actually get your friends to remember you, yet it didn’t work. all you did was hurt your friends more and more with just being a ghost.

why?

because of guilt.

once someone goes, you can’t see them again, nor can’t say your true feelings or even be with them, not even a hug or a laugh.

they just, disappear. and so with you being a ghost, they think it’s their mind taunting them for not saying goodbye.

or the feeling of self guilt; like it’s their fault.

yet for nagito, he’s just so confusing never scared of anything and you know much about him even when he shows his true personality.

and yet, harm can come in many ways. horrible ways that you can’t say it. you can feel it. so why not just say your true feelings?

…

it’s that easy! right…?

—

exorcists are dangerous to ghosts.

they bring harm and fear to the ghosts and with no mercy in some ways. which brings terror and puts the ghost in ways that they are not ready to say goodbye yet;

or truly pass on,yet some are kind and want to help the ghosts. but flowers aren’t truly that perfect. no matter how kind they look.

take a example, roses. they look pretty, and yet so dangerous that it would harm the ones who dare to touch it.

it was actually the same with you and the ultimate exorcist. as she has had complaints about you in the past, an extremely confused ghost.

yet she gave you time to truly say goodbye to your friends, and of course you accepted the final days you can see everyone and try to talk to friends and family.

most would see this as a blessing, yet to your friends they truly thought you were just there to give them more grief to your death.

(they didn’t know it was truly you, so it gives them a point or two. but they are actually a little stupid..so take off a point.)

and that stupid exorcist, she knows. she knew that you were going to fail anyways and is a entire master at gaslighting you.

and today, you weren’t going to fail. one more time, just one more time!

but you failed.

again, and again.

no matter how hard or how kind you look. it never works. even when nagito tries to calm you down and even tried to talk to them, they would just find him even more scary to the experiences of seeing you.

and today.

the final day you can try to talk to them.

you failed.

you…failed.

like shattered glass, it was giving you more despair, and it gets more shattered everytime until the sunlight, the memories taunt you.

the car crash, the everything.

why…how.

it was just all over your mind, no one was their to be with you anymore, since nagito went home for the day, which will be the last day he will truly see you.

…

why?

I’ll recommend asking the exorcist.

—

note: this will be a little, uncomfortable(?) and it’s not that important to the story at least. so if it does, please skip.

it was truly a painful experience.

you couldn’t do anything about it, because she was just too fast.

all you could do was scream for no one, the exorcist had you by the heart. it was unavoidable. you couldn’t say your true feelings yet, you couldn’t say anything.

maybe, if you weren’t such a idiot and went to the flower shop that day. maybe this wouldn’t happened. maybe, you could of confessed your true feelings to nagito.

but it was way to late, way to late. like the day another person confessed to your crush the day you were going to confess and they accept the other persons confession.

they have a life together, and all you can do was sit back to watch, you could never have a happy life or do regular teenagers things anymore.

you were a ghost, after all. so maybe, it should be your turn to go. forever.

those were the words that came out of your head and the exorcists mouth while taunting you.

and yet,, soon enough.

you were finally going to rest. (not) peacefully.

the exorcist smirked at the work she has done, and left. hopefully you can finally rest.

it was only fate.

after all.

a fate, you can truly. never change, which will taunt you all the way to your final grave.

—

nagito was worried, he hasn’t seen you in a while. not in the garden or the koi pond. you just, left.

he thought for a second: we’re you truly sick of him? I mean, he does ramble a lot and he does say a lot of stupid things.

but you always listened, so why would you leave? he had so many questions that had to be answered. maybe it was his luck? or maybe just him? he has no clue.

his top priority is to find you, I mean who else is going to show him your garden and ramble about all of the flowers you have and their meaning.

he had to figure out quickly, although. maybe your old friends or maybe that exorcist you were scared of said has something to say.

he was just truly, worried. so he had to figure out, quickly. in the name of hope! (and flowers.)

—

one by one, your friends talked about you, how you were just, a sweetheart. even if you were so tough with them. you had your ways of making friends especially in that one garden you had.

the way you died was…messy to say the least, from nagitos research of you most of your friends looked near to crying.

it was a painful way to go, any you were just looking for something so innocent.

roses.

from the garden shop. but to your horrible luck, you got ran over badly by a speeding cars. (nearby people even said you looked both ways.)

and your death was something that they couldn’t change at all. it still gives them pain to that day, especially because you had a closed casket…

after the entire exchange was over, they were pretty worried out on how some random guy from a nearby class asked them such random questions.

yet nagito moved on. to that ultimate exorcist.

—

it was a small yet big talk for him, not only because the exorcist just said that they killed you, the exorcist just treated it like a simple case of a average ghost.

I would say it pissed him off, but he’s always just so calm, putting his true personality would lead to things like him being put out of school (again.)

but for you, you were truly just gone.

not a person nor a ghost.

just a concept they never existed. like, never existed, only the things you loved and liked were still their.

you truly just disappeared, you couldn’t even say anything yet for him, not even he could say anything for you as well.

—

all he can do is just stare at that one bonsai tree you have to him, it was actually your “confession” he was just too confused.

and once again, I think he would just feel deep, sadness. not that he could see you or hear you talk about plants and koi fish again.

but that you couldn’t say your true feelings.

—

nagito always has bad luck. it was something, he couldn’t stop and once again.

he has lost someone important again.

—

extra:

you gave nagito a small bonsai tree, it was truly your favorite in the entire world. you always had it with you and was your first priority. but, you gave it to nagito, it always gave you good luck when you were alive.

maybe it will give good luck to him, he deserves it more than you.

he did ask why it has roses with it.

you just laughed at him, maybe it could be something like to remember you by. if you ever go. of course.

—

authors note:

I apologize for things like not being accurate to the nagito’s character or maybe it being too boring??? I mean this took me about a hour or two.

you guys own me a reroll account/hj

- mod mikan.

[skellebonez]

Who Do I Go To? (Monkie Kid Fanfic)

I totally did not accidentally post this early before I edited it or added everything from my wip file... no... but anon, you gave me so much FREEDOM with this that I just went absolutely off the rails. This is not only set in a post S3 scenario where everyone survives and most of the villains have some kind of at least semi-redemption (except LBD, rip), this does feature a crackship or two of mine (you can read the tags to see the ships before you read)! Sun Wukong also has all of his immortality and some of his powers, I am writing this with the idea that he transferred most of them to MK and some of that was permanent once LBD was defeated and MK got his own back.

So... what if Sun Wukong did start communicating with the others in S3... but still has been bottling up his emotions about the past for so long he doesn’t feel he can talk to anyone because of their shared experiences? And what happens when that guilt and grief finally has someone willing to listen?

“What are you doing here, Si-SUN Wukong?” The Demon Bull King asked slowly, stumbling over his usual insult for the one once so close to him. They still weren’t close, and it was doubtful they would ever be as long as the sworn brothers they once were, but they were no longer at each other’s throats anymore.

That didn’t change how bizarre it was to see The Great Sage Equal To Heaven just... sitting outside his new home with no warning.

“DBK!” Wukong exclaimed, more startled than the larger demon was expecting as he jumped up and turned and if he didn’t look like he’d been hit with a truck metaphorically DBK didn’t know how to describe the way his fur stood on end and the redness in the other’s eyes. “I. UH. Was. Just stopping by to say hi!”

“No you weren’t,” DBK said, face falling into a deadpan glower. “You don’t do that. Even after 500 years I know you don’t.”

“I can start!” Wukong defended, crossing his arms and looking away with a wide teeth showing smile.

Too wide.

Even after everything that happened between them, from Red Boy to what happened when he needed his wife’s fan to sealing him in the mountain and everything that transpired with the Little Thief, he recognized that unhappy nervous smile.

“You can,” DBK said with a nod, gesturing to the smaller being. “You can also be here for a reason. Like what I heard you muttering to yourself behind the door.”

“And that’s my cue to leave!” The Monkey King announced as he turned to walk away before a large hand, with shocking gentleness for the one attached to it, wrapped around his shoulders.

“If you need to talk-”

“No, haha, I most certainly have no need for that!”

“-you know we’ve already made peace. I-”

“You don’t need to do anything,” Wukong insisted, struggling only a little before freeing himself from the other’s grip with an even wider nervous smile.

“-am willing to listen.”

“Don’t have to!”

“Are you at least talking to anyone?”

Neither of them said anything, The Demon Bull King staring down at The Monkey King with both frustrated annoyance and genuine concern in his expression.

The former he could deal with, but the later was so new again that...

Sun Wukong panicked.

“.... OKEY BYE!” He yelled, jumping and allowing his cloud to catch him and take him off.

"YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM YOUR FEELINGS FOREVER SUN WUKONG!"

"I HID FROM THE WORLD FOR 500 YEARS AND I TURNED OUT JUST FINE, I THINK I'LL MANAGE!"

“He turned out fine, he says,” Princess Iron Fan called from behind her husband as she emerged from their home. “So fine that it took him losing his invincibility and his successor nearly being killed for him to admit he needed help.”

DBK grunted, nodding in agreement at her words.

“He needs more, still, my dear. Even I can see that.”

“Let’s call in some reinforcements then, darling. I think there are two people who may be able to get through to him.”

~

Sun Wukong sat on the beach of Mount Huaguo’s island home, clearly trying not to think about what had just transpired.

“Hey.”

“How did you even know to look for me here?” Sun Wukong asked, not nearly as startled this time. He’d heard the footsteps coming for a long time, the other apparently wanting to make his presence known.

“Bull King called Pigsy’s asking for MK. MK called me since he’s working. I remembered where you like to sulk. Hence: I’m here.”

Wukong groaned, wrapping his arms around his knees and burying his face in them. “I shouldn’t have even left the house today.”

“But you left,” Macaque said with a shrug, watching the other stew in his frustration at himself. “And you went to see DBK... and I guess Princess Iron Fan too? But you ran off. Why?”

“I can’t check up on an old friend turned enemy turned less enemy to ‘not exactly friend but we’re not trying to kill each other’ without being questioned?” Wukong grumbled into his arms.

��Not when you make him sound as worried as he did when he talked to MK,” Macaque continued, voice becoming more tense. “You didn’t go to apologize or explain anything, I was there when all that went down. So... did you finally go to talk about everything e-”

“No.” The word was said with such coldness that Macaque knew it was put on. It wasn’t out of malice but something else, something more worried and fearful. “No. I can’t talk to him about... I told him everything that explained what happened. I apologized. I don’t need to talk more.”

"I don't understand why you're so opposed to to just talking about, you know... how you’re doing," Macaque said with a concerned frown. It almost felt odd on his face. Almost. He was still getting used to the whole "not being mortal eternal enemies and now being friends and kinda sorta caring about each other again" thing. "I know it's been centuries and all and you're out of practice but like... it's been centuries."

"I just... can't, Macaque," Wukong rebutted as he refused to lift his head from his arms. "I just can't."

"Why?"

"Don't."

The single word stayed in their air between them, heavy and hard and meaning more than the immortal would ever admit to.

"Come on, there has to be a reason," Macaque insisted as he sat down beside the other immortal. When no response came he sighed, tail flicking absently and flipping over some of the rocks on the beach as they sat in silence for few minutes. "You know... I started talking to someone."

"What?" Wukong turned his head, just enough to look at the other monkey from the corner of his eye.

“Sandy’s a good listener,” Macaque continued, falling back down to lay flat on his back and gaze up at the clouds. He remembered that Wukong felt better, sometimes, when you looked away when talked to. Didn’t know why, but he remembered. “Not exactly the kind of therapy he thinks I need, but he lends me his cats and he lets me talk and sometimes asks if I want advice. Sometimes I say yes, but when I say no he understands. Sometimes I just want to rant at that one little one eyed cat he has and she listened to... I think. She’s a cat so I wouldn’t know. He thinks I should see someone more experienced, an expert. Maybe he’s right, I dunno, but this helps enough for now.

“... who are you and what have you done with the Six-Eared Macaque?” Wukong asked with a soft glower, one that was clearly in jest from the tiny smile the other could see.

“Same Macaque,” the other said with a laugh, sitting back up with a theatrical flourish. “Just realized that talking to someone isn’t as dumb or useless as I made it out to be in my head. A lot of the stuff I thought about alone wasn’t exactly the best. Or healthiest. But now I can get that out there and sometimes it makes Sandy look like he ate a whole lime which probably means it’s good it’s not in my head anymore.”

“You ramble a lot,” Wukong said with a chuckle, tail swishing softly beside him before nudging against Macaque’s. He tensed before it slowly wrapped around the other’s. “It feels odd, having you try to cheer me up again after... everything.”

“Bad odd or good odd?”

“Good.”

“That’s.... good,” Macaque said, squeezing Wukong’s tail with his own. “Feels odd for me too. Like I’m out of practice too. But it’s good odd...” The two sat in silence for a moment, just enjoying each other’s company before he continued. “I do think you should talk to someone. Anyone.”

“I don’t know who, though. Every time I try I just... clam up and run away. I’ve put so much on MK already,” Wukong said, tail squeezing around Macaque’s loosely in return. “And Pigsy and Sandy... After all that came out, that Sandy is Sha Wujing and Pigsy is Zhu Bajie’s reincarnation... I just... I can’t talk to them either, even though Pigsy doesn’t remember anything at all. And you... DBK... everyone... who do I go to that knows enough about me to know what they’re in for but I won’t have those memories floating around in the back of my head toward making me run away?”

“Well, you could have Sandy help you get a therapist. Prepare them in advance. Or, if you’re not ready for that, you could talk to Tang?” Macaque suggested with a shrug. “He listens to me when I’m not talking to Sandy... but that’s probably because we’re dating, that’s what it is now instead of courting, right? So he kinda has to I think? Pigsy and MK talk to him too but with me I think it’s different.”

"I don't think that's how it works," Wukong said with a half hearted chuckle as he finally raised his head all the way. "Besides, I've known Tang longer."

"By like 3 months."

"3 months more is still enough to know that if he doesn't want to listen to you he won't. The man knows how to make a speedy exit."

"Guess that's one more thing that sets him apart from his great-great-great-great-great-whatever uncle," Macaque admitted with a shrug and a chuckle of his own. He squeezed his tail around Wukong's, smile softening when he felt it being returned.

“Feels... weird though,” Wukong said with a shrug. “The two of them looking so much alike.”

“Yeah, but that’s it,” Macaque rebutted. “He’s Tang Sanzang’s great-whatever nephew 5 times removed or whatever and he looks like him. Other than that? He knows pretty much all of your history. He’s mostly out of the hero worship zone but he still respects you a lot. Aside from everything that happened with LBD and MK you two have the least history out of everyone so maybe whatever’s in your head making you clam up might not stop you. And it couldn't hurt to try. It’s not therapy, it’s just talking about something that’s bothering you. Worst that can happen is you get nervous and fumble and he takes the opportunity to ask you 40 questions about the times you were almost incinerated by a baby."

"That was one time!"

~

“Uh,” Tang started, staring out the open door with wide eyes at the being before him. “Hi. I didn’t exactly expect to you see today.”

“I didn’t exactly expect to be here today,” Wukong said awkwardly, nervous smile taking over his face as his tone became far too jovial for what he was about to ask. “Macaque sent me to... talk to you. About me?” His smile drooped bit by bit as he said these words, slowly starting to lose his determination to go through with this. “Oh second thought, maybe I should-”

"No," Tang said, reaching out to put a hand on the immortal's shoulder. It was nothing, really, not to someone as strong as he was. Not when he could brush it off and walk away. Go home. Just sit on his couch and watch Monkey King The Animated Series again and just think about how no one deserved to be saddled with his problems anymore. But Wukong didn't. "Whatever it is, we’re going to talk about this now. I know I’m not trained like Sandy is, but I know how to listen. And if you need someone to listen to you, I can. You wouldn't have come here to talk if you didn't."

“... ok...” Sun Wukong said, letting Tang wrap his arm around his back and guide him inside his shared home with Pigsy and Macaque.

It was... odd. Being inside this place for the first time. He’d been outside of the door more than once, invited in as well. But never inside.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Tang said, stopping his guidance once they reached the sofa. “I’m no Sandy, but I was making myself some tea and it is a batch of his own anyway. I’ll grab us some snacks too.”

“Snacks would be great,” Wukong admitted, watching the other disappear into the house’s kitchen before he sighed and gripped his thrashing tail and muttered to himself. “What am I doing..? I shouldn’t put all this on Tang... I should have gone with Macaque’s first suggestion, I’m-”

“Do you prefer lychee or persimmon?” Tang asked suddenly, startling the immortal for the second time that day. “We’re out of peach bao, but MK’s been making them out of lots of fruits and we have so many that I was planning on eating them myself.”

The scholar returned, faster than expected, with a full tray in hand. Teapot, two tea cups, and a steamer box that presumably held the buns he was asking about.

“Uh... persimmon,” Wukong answered, and he watched as Tang poured each of them a cup of tea and removed some clearly fresh (or at least made some time earlier in the day and freshly steamed), pieces of fruit laden bao to put on a plate for his guest before taking a seat in a chair across from him. “You were... getting lunch?”

Tang shrugged, laughing as he took a bite of one of his own. “Just wanted a snack. But,” He smiled, gesturing to the Monkey King. “We’re not here to talk about snacks. What’s on your mind?”

“Awfully forward start.”

“I try to be forward with the people I consider my friends.”

“... You consider me... a friend?” Wukong asked slowly, turning the bao over in his hands. It was well made, perfect he would say. You’d think MK would have been making them all his life, not that he’d learned how to on the drone ship while on the run from an evil super demon bent on erasing his mentor from the world.

“After everything we went through, how could I not?” Tang said, putting his food down to sip his tea and then putting that down as well and looking at him seriously. “You’re here because it’s the anniversary of the day you sealed away the Demon Bull King, aren’t you?”

The bao in his hands wasn’t perfect anymore. Instead the red lychee inside dripped from his claws from where they punctured it in surprise.

“How did you-?”

“My specialty study is your history after all,” Tang said, smile returning with a sad tint. “I’ve known the date for years but I felt it was something to keep to myself. For some reason. Now with you and DBK back I think that was a good choice. It feels too personal to have out in the open for everyone to make a spectacle of.”

“Is it selfish of me to be thankful for that?” Wukong muttered, gently placing the bao on the plate to lick his claws clean.

“I don’t think so,” Tang answered.

“I feel selfish though,” he continued, not managing to take note of how Tang sat up straighter and turned more toward him. “I went to DBK’s to... I don’t know. I wanted to apologize again? But I already did and he accepted it and it feels selfish to want to again. Then I just. I froze.”

“Why?” Tang asked, scooting closer.

“It felt wrong.”

“Because you would make him feel awkward?”

“NO!” Wukong groaned, burying his face in his hands. “I just. I feel...” He took in a shaky breath, claws digging into his skin slightly.

“Don’t,” Tang’s voice came soft and closer than Wukong expected, as did the hands on his own slowly pulling his claws away from his face. “Don’t hurt yourself. And don’t bottle it up. I’ll listen to you. No matter what it is. It’s not selfish, feeling things isn’t selfish.”

“I miss it,” Wukong breathed out, shaky and choppy as his throat tightened as the words started to pour out of him. “I miss him. How things used to be between us and Iron Fan. I miss that I never got to meet Red Son when he was Red Boy. I miss Beng and Ba and Ma and Liu and how things used to be. I miss Zhu Bajie and Sha Wujing even though they’re here. I miss my Tang Sanzang. I’d been alone for 500 years and I missed so much and I did that to myself and it’s selfish to miss like that...”

He didn’t realize his cheeks were wet until his hands had been let go and one of Tang’s rubbed a cloth against them. Tang cupped his cheeks softly before wrapping his arms around him and tucking the Monkey King’s head into the space between his neck and shoulder.

“No... no it’s not. You’re allowed to miss things, Sun Wukong. Just like anyone else.”

Sun Wukong started to feel better.

He didn’t know why that was what did it, but the dam broke. It broke and his tears came pouring out as he hugged the man who reminded him so much of his Master. He didn’t know if anything he said in the mean time made any sense, if he was just blubbering and finally letting himself mourn what he’d lost and never had, but Tang didn’t ever chastise him. He let him weep and hold him and for the first time in years...

~

“Oh!” Princess Iron Fan startled as she opened the door to see who had knocked, finding herself face to face at sunset with one Great Sage. “You’ve returned.”

“Are you and DBK free?” Sun Wukong asked, smile no longer too wide. “I... kinda just wanna talk with you for a bit.”

“Well... I think that would be lovely.”

[ornithia]

Can you believe that Hearts is talking about you again

lmao, really? god ... i bet this is gonna take a while if it's anything like her previous "rants" -

(also, to the anons who take it upon themselves to keep tabs and share crumbs on the chucklefuck collective - gz, you've just earned the descriptor "my little birdies" in my tags 🐦)

... hahaAHAH GOOD GOD HEARTS

the fact that there's at LEAST 5 posts in reference or alluding to me in some way, 2 of which (minimum) are either reblogs/reposts from yourself about myself and another user (whom i have my own gripes with, yet you seem to assume is my "ally" in this "misinformation" campaign against you? darling, not only are you hardly main-character material, but i operate in accordance to my OWN principles - if you feel like there MUST be some conspiracy against you on this site, then perhaps you should start thinking about the fact that perhaps there's a "reason" (you, you're the reason) that everyone and their not-so-best-friend seem to be reaching the same conclusions based on available evidence -

oh look, here's a list of recent posts if anyone wants to skim through this drivel:

[oh.] [my GOD] [i wish i were joking but] [alas] [if only i weren't so easily "triggered"] [not like hearts, who knows how to move on] [truly an inspiration to us all /s]

i won't subject everyone to a complete breakdown of every single post in its entirety - because i actually have faith in my audience and their ability to think critically within a given context

i WILL, however, clarify those that have been taken out of context and pick apart the ones that most made me laugh:

if you at least TRIED to keep all mentions of me off of your blog, then perhaps i wouldn't be so inclined to keep coming back - after all, it IS a publicly available blog, and i am curious each time i am invoked - not to mention, you may have "blocked" me, but blocking someone does not make you immune to their opinions nor does it make you invisible to their browsing - it simply makes it so that they cannot directly interact with you. think of it as a one-way shield, no - a blindfold. you don't HAVE to see what anyone has to say about you. and most people don't care - at least, not unless you're caught throwing stones within your glass enclosure. it's just rather unfortunate that there are PLENTY of cracks on your walls when you consider how you're responsible for each and every one of them.

ah, back with the aphobia 🙃 seriously, what is it with allos - and i don't mean all allos - i specifically mean these types of desperate, friendless, unwarranted-self-importance types - thinking that reducing one to one's sexual status is ... some sort of epic dab on someone they don't like??? bc i mean -

1. that's none of their business, and in fact can be classified as sexual harassment in that it indirectly assumes disclosure of one's intimate affairs,

2. is so painfully desperate like - do you REALLY put so much value on sex that you basically think all other pursuits in life are worthless in comparison? bc frankly i feel BAD for you - god, imagine thinking people are worthless if you can't have sex with them. imagine having no hobbies, no interests, no passions that don't involve putting hands down your pants bc you truly think so little of platonic bonds and the human capacity for creative output and imagination, and

3. we both follow a kinky, raunchy franchise with a prominent asexual character in the main cast - you're really gonna try and shit on that and what it means for the community and it's members? lmao go fuck yourself, maybe the coital bliss will make you feel better about yourself ("oooooo, the asexual robot blog said the fucky-wucky words" - yeah, bc i've been on the internet for a LONG time and let me tell you, as a fully fledged adult asexual, neither i nor other aces give a fuck what you think about us nor the ways you try to infantilise our community and experience - hell, within this fandom alone, i guarantee you the kinkiest members are the asexuals themselves, whose content you and other undeserving cunts have probably gotten themselves off on (and on that note, i'd like to share that i share explicit and erotic artwork on discord, across various adult fandom servers mainly consisting of asexual members - why? well, it's not a coincidence that we continuously find ourselves flocking to one another (frankly, it's bc we find allo-focused content to be too vanilla as all fuck, LMAO)

anyway, special mention to [this post] - the fact that you unironically reblogged this, the fact that despite all of evidence to the contrary, you still seem to believe you are the "queer" in the setup when you are in fact the "non-queers", and that this COMPLETELY goes over your head, to the point where you genuinely believe yourself to be a queer "martyr" as you ... respond in the most hypocritical fashion about your own insecurities? yeah okay, seems legit i guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

9 months ... is practically a year ... i LITERALLY had no idea about the whole anniversary bullshit until seeing it on YOUR page, where you mention petitprincess1 which, makes sense, HER anons brought it up, but then why drag me into it? with the most recent mention of me being a mere 3 days ago over a period of 3 whole weeks (imagine posting about someone for 3 weeks ... when they haven't even thought about you in 9 months LOL)

newsflash: being in a wheelchair doesn't mean you get free range to be an asshole. and not being in a wheelchair does not make you an automatic target for wheelchair bound individuals to take out their aggression on. doing so just makes you a verified A-S-S-H-O-L-E, regardless of what mobility aids you may/may not use. maybe consider getting some fucking therapy, you angry fuck.

i was defending said sex-worker and their claims to their ethnicity. furthermore - you're really going to hold me accountable for that? instead of the person who actually uploaded the image with the intention so share it so that they could dunk on said sex-worker bc this person was the one with all the stupid biases? lol ok, i'm p sure my 1-2 reblogs made ALL the difference on that post, when the person responsible for it had previously and consistently been flooding the tags with pointless shit and to the point of accumulating a mass following which most DEFINITELY saw the post, of course. my mistake~

i called out a 12 yr old masquerading as a 17 yr old attempting to police and run a purity brigade on a show aimed at adult audiences, using their minor status as "justification" for their bullshit. that is not being angry at them lying about their age, that is being angry at them for actively involving themselves in spaces not meant for them and then them being OFFENDED that ... people were able to spot them talking out of their ass from a mile away. and instead of just taking the hint and leaving the clearly inappropriate space (or just learning to lurk without interacting, and without advertising their highly vulnerable underage status) they chose to block out the voices telling them to get the fuck out for their OWN GOOD, and ended up being surrounded by ADULT antis "coddling" her in ways that were SIGNIFICANTLY more uncomfortable than my playing up the angry internet boogeyman role

lmao are we still talking about me? or are you just projecting your own insecurities here 🤭

love how hearts posts this, and then the most recent post mentioning me is ...

lmao. someone sure missed me.

i've addressed it before, but still think it's fucking hilarious that somehow the irony of that specific statement on this specific website somehow went over their head as "un-ironic". also, my anons are my anons - you have beef with them, you take it up with them (or don't, since you've probably blocked half the website by now, lol). i'm simply here to relay their anonimosity and provide commentary (inb4 "haha orn can't spell" - it's called a portmanteau, and i'm fucking hilarious)

... no idea if you're a racist genius or just lucky and stupid, but did you HAVE to combine lin manuel miranda's name with [manuel ellis, victim of police brutality and one of many victims whose final words were reduced to "i can't breathe"]?. bc, REAL fuckin classy of you. like no, really god you're a real work you racist piece of shit

also ... i have a real job, lol. why do you think i forgot about your shitty essays for the past 9 months? maybe you should get a real job - i doubt anyone with a "real" job in the "real" world has the luxury to be staying up 'til 4am responding incomprehensibly to detractors they supposedly "don't care about"

not one of my anons/followers/mutuals afaik but LMAO ✋✋✋

>says this after posting insults directly meant to harass/demean my asexuality for 3 WHOLE WEEKS despite my having forgotten about their existence for 9 MONTHS.

hypocrisy! hypocrisy!

also, the fact that you even know what's going on in our blogs enough to make posts about is is clear evidence that you're JUST as guilty as "block-evading" as anyone else. only more guilty, bc YOU'RE the one who enacted the block to begin with. this was literally YOUR decision!!! and yet you STILL going out of your way to defeat the whole point of blocking us!!! how stupid can you be!!!

see above. that is NOT how blocking is supposed to work, dipshit

again - i'm not the one that spent 3 whole weeks shouting into the void, lol

oh noooo, your sarcasm is SOOOO subtle. again, this is just sad - maybe go get a real friend instead of trying to fill w/e void you possess in your soul with belligerence from internet strangers - maybe go back to fucking and having all that wild and kinky sex you keep mentioning as a contention of pride - at the very least it'd keep your hands busy and off the keyboard, spare us the edgy bravado and monologues

[esther-dot]

This ask is critical of the Jonsa fandom, so it’s going under the cut

—

I hesitated to even publish this ask lest someone be hurt by it, but I wanted to say that I hear you. 

I personally do understand the distinction between fiction and reality. Calling a ship awful things is different from calling the shippers pedophiles. I agree with you there. That’s like when antis tell us we all want to marry our cousins as if they can’t tell the difference between accepting the rules of the world/literary analysis and how we live life. Sometimes people in this fandom are so weird I feel like if I said, “I read Moby Dick” they’d accuse me of murdering whales. So, I understand what you’re saying, and I also understand why you would feel the need to say this on anon. I too have opinions that are not 100% orthodox and almost every Jonsa does because, depending on who is trending within the fandom, our opinions are swayed, the consensus changes, and whoever has the wind at their back feels free to act like they’re “right” and everyone else is “wrong.” I remember book shippers lecturing us show shippers pre s8 on how we ruined it all because we thought Jonsa was romantic, not a matter of political expediency. Now the active book shippers are all about the romance because it’s new people with different opinions. These things change, and you shouldn’t let what is momentarily the consensus keep you from expressing your opinion. Who knows, it might become the consensus! 

Most of what I have said has been about the ships, not the shippers, but I’m certain I’ve liked/reblogged inflammatory things, and I will think more carefully about what I “tacitly endorse” in the future. The fandom was so quiet for a while there, I got into the habit of reblogging everything in the tag/other jonsas wrote just because I wanted to encourage anyone who was still active, but I don’t want to contribute to a toxic fandom. 

As someone who doesn’t share the prevailing opinions most of the time (I like show Jonsa, I like show Sansa, I’m not convinced Jon wont be forced into a thing with Dany, I accept the show’s endpoints as Martin’s, to name a few), I do understand the anxiety that comes from daring to say something you already know our fandom doesn’t agree with. So, I have a lot of sympathy for you, anon, and I hope you’re willing to still put your thoughts out there all the same. I have. I’ve been doing this for years, and mostly, it’s been a lot of fun. Also, tone and expectations change depending on who is active/who you follow. If you’re frightened to share your opinion, maybe you need to filter some tags/unfollow some people, and restructure your little circle. I gain and lose followers all the time. Don’t be afraid of that. We can only make choices for ourselves which means, as I said in my previous post, take control of your fandom experience. Disengage with the bloggers who stress you out. Your obligation is to yourself. You need to feel good about your fandom experience, what you support and don’t, and you don’t owe anyone anything. 

All that being said, because of the nature of the ships Jonsas hate on, I’m not going to criticize Jonsas/Sansa fans for their righteous rage. As you allude to, they may be victims of abuse. Their anger or grief that other fans dismiss Sansa’s trauma, that may be such a personal thing, well, I will not fault them for decrying it. It might be wiser to rant in DMs, but not everyone has built those fandom relationships that give them that option, so all they have is sending out their feelings into the ether. As long as they aren’t going into the comments or inboxes of shippers or improperly tagging their posts, it’s their right to say what they want. 

And, not only might they have that personal connection, the fandom experience has been so awful for Sansa fans and Jonsas that the framework is totally different for someone joining now, than say, someone who has been active for years. Jonsas were horribly harassed. Not just the rude stuff like brats putting their anti takes in our tag which they still do, but Jonsas got rape and death threats in their inboxes, their accounts were hacked, and people with LOTS of followers on Twitter and YouTube were publicly declaring we should all be killed. The rest of the fandom are not people I respect, and I know they will never respect me. They hate me. 

Also, it isn’t just about the ship, it is about Sansa. People who now say they “like” Sansa regularly interact with those who have posted rants about Sansa deserving to die, mocking her rape, and insisting all sorts of terrible things about her. So, I can’t say they hate Sansa, but if you loved her the way they claim to, would you encourage people who write that stuff? We both know you wouldn’t. If they loved Sansa, why would they rather interact with people who want her to suffer, rather than people who celebrate her becoming queen and think she deserves love? It’s hard not to come to the obvious conclusion. So, with that context, if you see someone say they love her and then ship her with a character who married her against her will in order to steal her home, or someone who intended to rape her, or someone who sexually molests her, all the while talking about how gross jonsas are…well, coming to the conclusion that their interest isn’t the happiness and safety of Sansa is totally understandable. The tacit endorsement you think we give to the most extreme stances in our fandom (pedophilia is bad and people are gross for shipping it) has nothing on what the rest of the fandom said and did to Sansa fans and Jonsas for years and the kind of thing they tacitly endorse by interacting with content from truly gross people. Don’t let them gaslight you.

However, maybe you’ll be a new generation of Jonsa who can interact with nonjonsas and enjoy the rest of the fandom. That would be lovely! But, considering how many fan art and general ASOIAF blogs I had to unfollow last year/earlier this year (people I’d followed the whole time I was in the fandom) because of their inexplicable sudden urge say book Sansa and Dany were the same amount of morally grey or to decry jonsa at the same time they assured everyone the pedoships were fine (a morally incoherent stance if ever I heard one), I’m skeptical that you’ll find people who will tolerate a Sansa defender/Jonsa in their midst. I think your hope of mutual tolerance/respect is in vain. Of course, people are so desperate for ASOIAF content, I guess there could be more crossover going forward, so maybe! But, for me, I get nothing from this experience except the buzz from my fellow shippers, so I’m not aiming to be integrated into the fandom. They’re the ones who expelled me from it, and I’m very happily “excommunicated.”

If you would like, you are welcome to DM me, and we can talk about this more specifically, the tone of my posts, or your ideas you’re afraid to share publicly. It makes me sad that previous interactions have made you think Jonsas are “scary,” and I would love to change that impression. 

[acerace]

tumblr user buildmartenjoyer did you hear dream's latest build mart rant made it onto reddit

I did hear! I read the transcript earlier as well to see more than just the random screenshots people like to vague lmao

Obviously I, Tumblr user buildmartenjoyer, quite like Build Mart! I think it gets a somewhat underserved amount of hate that has little to do with the game itself. That does not mean I think it is a perfect game. If multiple people have multiple complaints over multiple events about a specific game, then yeah there's probably an issue somewhere! Doesn't mean the game is bad and irredeemable and awful and needs to be removed or even retired.

Also whoops I rambled! Below the cut for general musings on Dream's recent Build Mart comments. This is not cc!Dream critical or neg, btw, most of my rambling is me considering his points from the pov of someone who really loves Build Mart and enjoys watching it. 

Man I wanna pick the green man's brain on MCC so bad like!! I don't think Build Mart is a bad game- in fact I think it's like A Tier- and I disagree with a lot of what Dream says about mcc in general, but he also makes good points! Like he's right- if you play 100 games of Build Mart of, let's say, orange 17 and cyan 17, orange is going to win 100/100 games, whereas with games like Sky Battle or Parkour Tag, for example, there's going to be more of a split, because the games have "pop off" potential as he says. See Grian being #1 individual in Sky Battle in 17 with one (1) tnt and good survival points. Personally, I think this is a fair point because part of the fun and charm of MCC is that it isn't set in stone and you don't know who the winner's going to be half way through the event like with twitch rivals or mcm.

In that specific post, Dream's main issue he describes is him struggling with memory and knowing what blocks he needs. Fair enough! The game stresses communication and memorization more than any other skill, and struggling with those is going to hurt your performance and how much fun you have. But imo there are in game strategies you could implement to help. And obviously I say all this as someone who has never Played BM/MCC in general so grain of salt lol.

If he's good at placing blocks but not collecting them, then have the team split into pairs- two builders taking a build each and two runners working with a builder each. Dream stays at the build and tells his runner what blocks to bring him, then Dream can build while the runner goes to work on the 3rd build, for example. Then maybe rush gold builds? Like if the issue is physically getting the blocks, then work with your team to get someone else to do it. For the first set of builds when no one has blocks, have one builder get wood and the other stone, while the runners work on the specific blocks for their pair's build, maybe, so no one's sitting around waiting. Like I feel like there's options, you know?

I also think that most of the problems with Build Mart comes from the fact it's the only "building" game. If you like pvp you can vote for Sky Battle or Battle Box or Survival Games, all of which are pvp games that test differing skills and have distinct strategies- you don't need to bridge in SG, for example. But if you want a building game you have BM and only BM, and it's barely a building game at that. Adding another option- I like the battle box inspired idea- would lessen BM's dominance, because non pvp teams almost always want BM and want it late, giving another option will shake up the meta here and expose the underlying issues with BM.

Also I feel like the thing people get most pressed about is when Dream brings up Grian? I think it's usually a fine comparison because they have very different preferred games and play styles while having similar amounts of experience, and Grian is the largest of the non dsmp streamers. Grian is one of the best Build Mart players and hates Parkour Warrior and says he won't play if it comes back; Dream was one of the best Parkour Warrior players and hates Build Mart and says he won't play if he knows it's going to be played. The difference comes up in specific contexts- when Dream said Grian could hate pkw but he can't say anything about bm because people get mad at him, for example, that was meh to me because yeah you have a point about how people attack you over everything but did you have to pick the one person who had an actual panic attack playing the game? In this specific post, Grian has indeed killed Dream in pvp before, but it's never been 1v1 when both are prepared for it and at full health lol. The closest you get to that is the original Dreamslayer moment in MCC9, but even then Dream was healing from a previous fight and Grian got the drop on him. Dream will kill Grian 99/100 times.

Dream was being pretty sarcastic with his comments on not needing to communicate in BM, and yeah Pete was being quiet but that's because he was listening to what Grian was saying lol. With Grian's BM strategy, the CEO is loud and in charge and constantly talking, the builders only speak up when they need something or have a gold build, and the floater is constantly talking to the CEO. Dream saying Pete wasn't talking much is true, because he was one of the silent roles! But he was still communicating- if he hadn't told Grian about the gold build or asked what was behind the duck build or told Grian to get more glass then they wouldn't have done as well. I also think it's interesting he chose Pete's pov to watch, because it seems to me he's looking at BM strategies and trying to find some that'll work for him? He can't be CEO or floater because those both rely on knowing what blocks everyone needs, so him watching one of the builders makes sense to me.

Most of my issues with how people (Dream included) talk about BM is when they're flat out wrong or subjective lol. Build Mart is not a slow game, you're just watching someone who doesn't know what they're doing. It's not a boring game, you're just watching a team that gives up before the game even starts. I feel the same intense excitement and stress about BM as I do about SG and SoT! Watching Grian play is intense and exciting and edge of the seat! People have a lot of misconceptions about BM, which I rambled about in the tags of this post here, which I still stand by. The tl;dr of my thoughts on what makes a good Build Mart player is that Grian is not good at BM because he's a good builder- he makes mistakes constantly in BM- but rather because he can communicate with his team so effectively it doesn't matter if he spends 30 seconds looking for a crafting recipe or collecting the wrong block.

So there are my thoughts anon! I’m not sure what you were expecting, because I like both Grian and Dream and think they both make very good points about MCC and game design in general (considering they both have experience running mc servers lol) and they tend to have very different opinions and experiences, so comparing them is interesting to me! I don’t necessarily agree with Dream’s points about MCC in general (the only people whose views I tend to wholesale support are H and Pete lmao) but Dream is allowed to dislike a game based on his personal opinions and feelings and he is allowed to rant about it in his own merch discord. Doesn’t mean he’s wrong or right, or that you have to agree or disagree. 

[chocoholicannanymous]

If the Spit Hits the Fan (Glee) Pt XVII

This is the penultimate part. The last one is written and drafted - I did finish while on vacation. Expect it for next weekend.

Follows pt I, pt II, pt III, pt IV, pt V, pt VI, pt VII, pt VIII, pt IX, pt X, pt XI, pt XII, pt XIII, pt XIV, pt XV and pt XVI.

It's as everything happens in May. Kurt feels as if he should be used to it by now, but this year is worse than any before. It's understandable, he guesses, what with it being his senior year, but understanding doesn't help. Some of the squares on his wall calendar has so many things on them they're barely legible, and there are days when he wants to just quit it all.

He can always work in his dad's garage for the rest of his life. Surely that's not the worst thing ever?

The only reason he's not a complete wreck when Nationals comes is the Warblers meeting held right after Regionals where David had used logic (how dare he) and suggested their approach to Nationals.

Kurt's first, immediate reaction is “we're never going to win with that” which he also says out loud, only to be met by “so what”.

“I don't say this lightly. I've been a Warbler for four years. It's been amazing to be surrounded by all of these talented people, and make music just because we like it, and that's why I've kept it up even with all the hints I've gotten that my 'future career' would be better served by me spending that time on learning another language or studying harder. After all, what use is singing and dancing for a lawyer?”

There's a bitterness in David's voice, and it's echoed in a number of murmurs around the room.

“This is the one thing I do for fun, that I do just for me, and some days the only thing that makes slogging through my mountain of homework bearable is knowing that once I'm done I can go enjoy Warblers. This year's group hold more talent of all my years here, which is why it hurts to say that I don't think we can win, no matter what setlist we go on with. We're simply not the kind of group that wins a contest like this.”

Which, probably true. The Warblers are good, yes, but they're an all boys a capella group performing in uniforms. They don't have the productions that teams who wins Nationals do. Doesn't mean that it hurts just as much to hear as it hurts to say.

“The truth is – and I'm sorry, I know we don't talk about him, but I have to – the truth is that we didn't even compete before Blaine.”

Kurt expects it to sting to hear his name. It does, but not much. He's moving past that.

“Blaine walked in here and wanted to compete so badly. He spent his first semester here trying to talk us into trying, even with all the reasons we had for not going so, and he got his way. That doesn't change the fact that this is only our second year competing, and we've surpassed all expectations by making it to Nationals.  To do so again and win, or even place in the top... I don't think we can do that, not even with all the talent in this room.”

No one likes hearing that, but no one's disagreeing either. They aren't going to win. That's just how it is.

“So why not do that we like? Why don't we pick songs we like and that showcases our strengths? Why don't we sing a song that will make you happy, Kurt? And if it knocks us down in the ranking to do so, who cares? I don't.”

To hear someone say that Kurt's happiness should matter more than placement – to hear David say it, after everything the year before – causes tears to well up in his eyes. To hear every single Warbler agree make those tears fall.

They'd walked out of that meeting stronger than they'd gone in, and Kurt lets himself gather strength from that memory for a few seconds before he steps forward and lets his voice soar.

“Something has changed within me, something is not the same / I'm through with playing by the rules, of someone else's game”

They finish eleventh. It's better than they'd dared to hope, with all the absolutely excellent teams competing. It the joy is tinged with a little bitterness? Who can blame them? Maybe, more than one of them wonders, a more conventional setlist could have placed them among the top ten. At the same time they're all aware that maybe it would have have placed them dead last. There's no way of telling, and no use speculating.

They did their best, enjoyed their performance and finished eleventh at Nationals. That's nothing to look down on. In fact...

“We did better than New Directions last year” Kurt says with a smirk.

They've beaten  his old team, his so-called friends, in every way possible and he allows himself to see that as a win.

Finn posts video of all their songs on his Facebook and is proud (and smug) enough to also post the “Defying Gravity” performance in the Glee group with a comment about how Kurt obviously could hit that note, tagging both Rachel and Mr Schue. It's petty, and Kurt should be big enough of a person to ask Finn to remove it, but no. If his brother wants to stand up for him Kurt isn't just going to let him, he's going to be grateful.

Feeling loved and protected is not something he's ever going to scoff at.

Nationals is followed by finals, the less said about the better, and then prom. Or well, “the Dalton Academy and Crawford County Day Joint Spring Formal”. Same thing right?

Wrong.

The spring formal is every thing junior prom wasn't. It's not really the fact that Sebastian asks Kurt properly to be his date for the formal, and compliments his outfit. It's not that even without decorations Dalton's auditorium is more grand than McKinley's gym. It's not even the grand dinner with lit candles, waiters and three courses before the dance or that there's a band that plays waltzes and foxtrot for the first two hours before the DJ is allowed to take over.

It's that even before they've entered the transformed dining hall Kurt spots half a dozen same-sex couples, a number that keeps going up during the evening. It's the fact that he gets to dance the whole evening, not in a group or with a girl, but with Sebastian and the occasional Warbler. Mostly it's Sebastian's arms he's in, and it's amazing.

It's so far from his junior prom and Blaine that it almost hurts.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No. Everything is... This year everything is perfect.”

Sebastian doesn't look entirely convinced, but decides to drop it and instead lean closer for a kiss.

The evening really is perfect.

The morning of his birthday Kurt walks into the dining hall alone only to be met with a table full of Warblers that stand up and sing for him as soon as he clears the door. There's one place left at the table, next to Sebastian, set with the kind of breakfast not even Dalton serves (fresh croissant, strawberries, a piece of brie and a one-person pot of tea) with a rainbow rose in a vase. Kurt sits down with a smile and leans over to kiss his boyfriend's cheek.

“So, rainbow roses are going to be our thing, is it? I love it.”

He spends the day with a smile on his lips, because his boyfriend took the time to do something special for him on his birthday and his friends have promised cake in the Warblers' room after dinner, and he feels loved.

“Cake” turns out to be cheesecake and presents, and more singing, and so much more smiling. Afterwards Sebastian walks him back to his room. There's no kissing though, which Kurt finds unacceptable.

“Isn't there some kind of rule that you get kisses on your birthday? I would have thought that was a part of the boyfriend experience, and to be honest I'm feeling very much unkissed.”

That nets him a crooked smile, but still no kisses. It's almost enough to worry him.

“You can have all the kisses you want, and not just on your birthday, you know that babe. However, there's something else I wanted you to have first.”

Sebastian pulls out a small package from him pocket and hands it over with a smile, which begins to fade when Kurt doesn't immediately take it. It's just, well.

“Another present? You shouldn't have.”

“Another? What do you mean?”

The truth is that Kurt fully expected breakfast and a rose to be the whole of Sebastian's congratulations, and he doesn't quite know how to take getting more than that. He doesn't really know how to explain it though, and definitely not in a way that won't start Sebastian on another rant about how Blaine was unworthy of Kurt's affection. Especially since it's not just about him.

Turns out he doesn't need to say anything – and apparently he's getting yet another present in the form of the absence of that rant.

“Breakfast was a treat. This is your actual present, which I hope you'll like at least as much as that.”

Sebastian looks a little worried as Kurt removes the paper and opens the small box inside (and if he's a little shaky to open a jewelry box from his boyfriend no one needs to know). It's a pair of gorgeous cufflinks with just the right balance between classy and unique and he absolutely loves them.

“These are amazing! They're too much, really, but they're so gorgeous that I'm going to pretend they're not. I love them!” I love you. But that's a bit too early to say, and so instead he leans forward and does his absolute best to communicate exactly that through kissing.