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romances-not-tragedies · 1 year ago

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and i keep my side of the street clean

Summary: When a chat about the case of the murdered magician goes ugly, one of Jo Gar's longtime acquaintances walks up into the scene and chooses figurative violence against the lieutenant of the Manila Police Station who thinks he is right in accusing an innocent man of a murder he may not commit. Or "The Magician Murder" AU in which someone puts Sadi Ratan in his place. Title from Taylor Swift's "Karma".

Content warnings: mentions of murder case, swearing, abuse of power by authority, insult towards an honorable ex-government official, not-quite accurate depiction of legal processes in pre-Revised Penal Code era, mixed opinions on the American colonial government in the Philippines

Note: Edilberto Alcantara is an original character I have made for each and every Jo Gar 'verse. In the stories he is a lawyer who's had the honor of working under one of the most honorable government officials who would figure in the country's history under tragic circumstances (read WWII).

Edilberto knew that he was supposed to be home, in an apartment unit at the arrabal of Ermita where he’d been living two years ago. To be fair, though, he still went back to the house at Calle Azarraga, which his family had bought upon securing enough funds while he entering his teenage years, for the weekends or when he felt like it, since it felt more like home than he'd thought it was before moving out.

But Jo had asked him to come over at his little office near Escolta since he needed his unofficial opinion on a certain case, and he climbed up the stairs after waving a greeting to Wong Ling, who seemed to be fretting in his place. He had wanted to ask but he had no time. He arrived at the door, not locked as he knew Jo would not lock his door as force of habit, only to hear sounds of conversations.

He bent down and pressed his ear against the keyhole to listen to who and what they were talking.

He recognized Jo’s matter-of-fact tone of speaking, countering with the always charged (and angry) tone from Lieutenant Sadi Ratan. He resisted the urge to sigh, as he had known the lieutenant to be a pus-filled boil on your buttocks dressed in a handsome face and spotless uniform. He had intensely disliked the lieutenant from the get-go. They were discussing about the case of a murdered magician, Señor Dario Cardoro who had arrived in the country and was watching the cockfight this night, only to get into a problem after the last round.

What it was, Edilberto had no idea.

And then, as it often went, what was supposed to be a decent conversation (or at least on Jo Gar’s part) devolved into the usual ugly shit. He heard the lieutenant ask in a demanding tone if Jo would accept Señor Sam Markden’s commission as he was seen as prime suspect.

It’s his right, yawa, he wanted to retort, but kept himself silent so he could time his entrance.

Then, he heard the lieutenant accuse Jo Gar, “You are protecting an American. You have always protected them. You like them. He was your client.”

Really now? Edilberto asked, if only to himself. It was like accusing you that you liked the current Governor-General, who Edilberto did not like since the Conley Crisis. Also, why was the lieutenant taking issue with Jo taking Markden as a client?

To Jo’s credit, he was as calm as he could be. “I was not paid that well,” he answered. “I doubt that I could be paid that well. Riazo was not drugged. You have no proof of it.”

Ayos! Edilberto silently cheered with a little fist pump. Drag him to hell, Jo. You’re doing it right.

Hotly, the lieutenant fired back, “I stood over Juan Derigo when he told me—”

So you intimidated him, then? Edilberto wanted to ask him.

“A Filipino does not like to be beaten,” Edilberto heard Jo chuckle as he replied. And the statement was true, unfortunately. “He preferred to let you think as you wished.”

Ha! Take that, you sorry sack of ball-less cocks!

Again, he heard the lieutenant vow to Jo, “It will not be good for you to protect Markden, Señor Gar. When we have caught him—”

Unless proven otherwise, Lieutenant Idiot-Face. You forgot that part. You only have one job and you are blowing it.

“The birds were in condition,” cut off Jo, though he spoke slowly. “Each of them. Riazo was defeated. That was all.”

But Lieutenant Idiot-Face, er, Lieutenant Ratan said, as though he had discovered buried treasure, “It is not all. Cardoro stood up and shouted that he would not pay.” Okay, so the man had money problems, and that’s the least of Edilberto’s worries right now. He was worried about the horrid fucker insisting that he was right despite the fact that his arguments could be thrown away by any sane juez de la paz. “I saw Markden’s face—”

Oh, you could read faces now? Good for you, Edilberto sarcastically said if to himself.

The lieutenant continued, “—there was hate in his eyes. And Cardoro was murdered. A spur knife was used. Markden has vanished. We have searched the city for him. He is the killer of the magician!”

And yet in your hate towards Jo Gar, you haven’t killed him. Also, why must you insist on something not yet fully proven? Anger was simmering in the young attorney. Were his former boss present in Jo’s office and was confronted by someone like Sadi Ratan, he would dismantle the lieutenant’s arguments with calm logic and knowledge of the law. He would gently but firmly rip them apart, one by one, until nothing was left for the lieutenant.

Jo replied with a sigh, “Then it is all very simple. You will find him, and that will be the end.”

Unless the court says otherwise, Jo. You forgot that part.

The calm must have driven Lieutenant Ratan crazy. Angry, perhaps. Which was why he would commit one of the most blatantly terrible acts of injustice Edilberto would hear him threaten Jo.

“And you will be brought to trial for lying to me, a police officer!” Edilberto heard Lieutenant Ratan fiercely threaten Jo Gar.

Anger shot through Edilberto. How dare Lieutenant Sadi Ratan accuse everyone and anyone of lying without solid proof! He wanted to puke and not because of beer, and he didn’t even drink! And he hadn’t made Jo swear an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, an abomination of everything he had learned at law school and his ongoing stint at the Department of Justice. And he would have him tried for a crime he was trying to prove with only conjectures? No solid evidence?

That’s it, I’ve had enough!

He swung the door open and stepped inside the little office of his late cousin’s friend. “‘Lying to me?’” he repeated the words mockingly as a greeting to the lieutenant. He closed the door behind him a little too strongly and raised a brow at the lieutenant. “Who the fuck do you think Jo Gar is, your wayward husband?” he asked crisply and coolly like the amihan winds of December.

That made both men jump out on where they were standing. Cold satisfaction ran through the young attorney when the police lieutenant went stiff and his eyes grew comically wide. Jo Gar blinked a few times.

The “wayward husband” remark must have disoriented them, he thought.

It took both men time to recover from this dramatic greeting, Jo calming down first and greeting him with a faint smile, “Compañero Alcantara, what a pleasant surprise.” Relief washed over Jo’s countenance, though he hid it behind his usual expressionless face.

Edilberto smiled at Jo Gar and answered, “I thought you’ve already known that I would be here, since you sent me a message before I left home. And I do believe that Lieutenant Sadi Ratan here would quickly accuse me of conflict of interest even if I am just here for a different reason.” He delivered the last sentence in a cutting, sarcastic manner he’d always use when dealing with the lieutenant.

“How long have you been listening to us, Compañero Alcantara?” Edilberto turned to the police lieutenant, who was fuming so badly that he could see smoke out of his nose and ears.

The attorney directed his eyes towards Lieutenant Ratan, curled his lips in a here comes trouble smirk that had been a family trademark. He answered, “Long enough to hear you accusing of Señor Gar of liking Americans and committing perjury even if he has not sworn to someone who is fit to administer an oath. And then quickly accuse of Señor Markden of killing Señor Cardoro on the basis of—what?” He blurted out the last word in a mocking laugh. “Simply because he had dug up dirt on the man? That’s not how things work, Lieutenant. I thought you know better. I was wrong.”

He watched Jo Gar watching this unfold with interest and a bit of worry. He must have known that Edilberto hated the lieutenant, even more so when he watched the lieutenant trying to get under Jo’s skin. His underhanded tactics made Edilberto seethe no matter what.

Then his eyes went right back to Lieutenant Ratan as he grew red on the face. He must have hit where it hurt the most. Good, let him be angry and make his head explode.

Then Lieutenant Sadi Ratan exploded, making him barely flinch, “He lied to me! He is having Señor Markden hide behind him even though he is the killer of Señor Cardoro!”

Edilberto recovered from the outburst, thinking that Lieutenant Ratan sounded more like a lover scorned than a member of the Manila Police District. He asked, “Did you administer an oath to Jo Gar? Because from what I have heard, you did not. You just fired out accusations towards Señor Markden based on flimsy evidence and conjectures. If you tried to push it to trial stage at the court, even at the First Instance, the juez de la paz will laugh at your arguments. And while Señor Markden is suspected of killing Cardoro, he still has the right to ask for aid, legal aid.”

“Asking for aid from Señor Gar is not legal aid!” fired Sadi Ratan back.

“Doesn’t he have the right for an attorney?”” Edilberto countered matter-of-factly. “Is that not legal aid?” He watched the lieutenant grow mad once more and he was steps away from what his sister would call an apoplexy. He continued, “Plus, you already presumed him guilty, Lieutenant Ratan. That is not how it works.” He jutted his chin and pointed out, “He is still innocent until judged otherwise by the court of law.”

“And you are siding with Señor Markden, too,” Sadi Ratan accused him, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “You are supposed to be on the side of the law. I thought you know better.”

Edilberto rose an eyebrow on that, amused at this feeble show of power. “Why, I have been hearing that accusation too often,” he remarked, his voice mild but acerbic. He commented, “I must have gotten the lessons from my ex-boss wrong. I thought practicing fairness is important. Maybe I should visit him once more for some…clarification on the matter.”

“But I thought he had resigned from the Cabinet, Compañero Alcantara?” Jo Gar asked as he reached out for the packet of his favorite cigarettes in his coat.

“Which is why I said ‘ex-boss,’ Jo,” Edilberto pointed out with a smile on his face. “I still look up to him, though.”

He returned his stare to the lieutenant, who had dropped his finger when he saw how unfazed the attorney was. Which was a good sign, as it meant that what he’d said frazzled his non-existent brain.

“But he worked for Americans, and you work for Americans, Compañero Alcantara,” the lieutenant blurted out, gritting his teeth. He pointed to Jo and said, “And he likes working with Americans! He likes them and you like them!”

“So what?” Edilberto asked sharply. That this police lieutenant had the audacity to insult his former boss and his more-than stellar career in the government made his blood boil. Never mind he insulted his, but not that of the ex-Justice Secretary! It should earn him a punch or two, but that would be for another day. He stalked forwards, eyes and spirit hardened as he made Sadi Ratan stumble back.

Edilberto icily responded to the latter’s assault on the former Secretary, “My ex-boss was a pensionado, true. He also used to be part of the Cabinet as Justice Secretary before resigning. And guess who is leading the Cabinet? An American Governor-General! Does that make him pro-American? I don’t know except that my ex-boss is a fair and honorable man and is better at serving the people than you are.”

He smirked again at the arrogant lieutenant, who was utterly speechless, and pointed out, “And who is chief of the Manila Police District? An American! Your boss is often out of sight that we forget that he existed. And as for Americans asking for Jo’s help? That, Lieutenant Sadi Ratan, is none of your fucking business.”

He caught sight of Jo Gar looking at him in surprise. He knew that Jo had not seen him this angry towards anyone. Among his family and friends and in Jo’s opinion (at least how he’d say it), he had always been the mediator, the peaceful center amidst the chaotic dynamics.

He went on and said, “I’m not going to lie. It is not ideal, and I am not going to pretend that we do not have blood and muck up our necks because we work with Americans. Do not pretend that you are safe from it, either. You, too, are stained with the same shit as Jo and I are.”

“That is one way of putting it, Compañero,” Jo mildly said to Edilberto as he lit another cigarette. “But I fear that Lieutenant Ratan will not understand what you are telling him.”

Edilberto shook his head. “I’ve given up hope, Jo,” answered the attorney with a wave of his hand. “If he stays like that, that is on him.”

Then his attention went back to Lieutenant Ratan, who was standing there, angry defiance vibrating through him. He would not admit defeat, Edilberto thought to himself. He quietly told the police officer, “I will not be the cause of your downfall. Nor Jo Gar will be the cause of your downfall. You are already doing damn fine job yourself. But if you decide to go ahead with your threats and damn the consequences, go ahead. I will not stop you.”

Lieutenant Sadi Ratan reared back in shock. The shift in his tone must have jarred his brain and that he was giving the lieutenant an opportunity, a choice.

“I will warn you,” Edilberto continued, still mild in tone but with the rage in its undertones, “that since you are fond of committing this particular sin, a false charge can ruin a person. Arresting anyone on false charges can ruin them more. No one is safe from being falsely accused and being jailed for it. Señor Markden may not be safe. Señor Gar may not be safe. I may not be safe. You may not be safe either. So be careful if you keep proceeding. Do not say I have not warned you, Lieutenant Ratan.”

Their eyes clashed, and Lieutenant Sadi Ratan gave him a hard stare. Edilberto returned it with a frigid glare, his lips in a challenging not-quite smile. It was not long before Lieutenant Sadi Ratan broke the spell and walked away, but not without bumping into Edilberto’s shoulder, making the attorney stumble a little, and slammed the door shut. Edilberto muttered something unsavory about the lieutenant as he rubbed his affected shoulder.

Edilberto looked at Jo once more and let out a shaky breath of relief. “That ataya. He should have seen it coming,” he muttered as he approached Jo. “Sorry if I screwed it up.”

“On the other hand, you did well,” Jo said, patting him on the shoulder. “I’m just worried that he would go after you.”

“On what grounds?” Edilberto asked as he sat on the fan-backed chair Jo had motioned for him to take. “That I warned him of the consequences if he continues to be an animal?” He pronounced the last word as his Cebuano parents would pronounce it when feeling annoyance towards anyone who acted uncouthly. “He can file a complaint to our acting boss if he wants to and if he has solid evidence. I’m not going to stop him because I know what is right and he is wrong. He made his bed, so let him sleep in it.”

Jo shook his head. “And yet you deal with him in a way you are daring him,” he told him, his blue-gray eyes on him, weariness evident in his countenance. “I wish I have half of your audacity to call him out like that. But it may take too much of my energy.”

Edilberto felt sympathy for him as he watched Jo run his fingers through his graying hair. Dealing with a stress inducer like Lieutenant Sadi Ratan would take a toll on anyone, even the unflappable Island Detective. He couldn’t blame him, though, if he wanted to deal with the lieutenant in a way he thought best.

“Whatever suits you best, Jo,” assured Edilberto. “But by God, I am steps away from punching his face! I wish I do not have to, because if I do, my family will be disappointed in me.”

Jo appeared to want to say something but closed his mouth and only nodded. “Well, let us set that aside, Edilberto, and discuss that case I am working on before the murder of Señor Cardoro. I would need your advice on how it is best handled in the legal matters.”

Edilberto let out a sigh. At last they had something to divert themselves from the debacle involving the aggressive idiot of a lieutenant.

***

And so, when Edilberto Alcantara heard that Sam Markden had been jailed for the murder of Dario Cardoro, his shoulders slumped. But when he read an article from the most recent edition of The Philippine Herald in his office at the Department of Justice, it turned out that it was Miss Jessie Rayne’s Spanish companion, Señora Elena Riggio, who killed the magician out of spite and a history that ended bitterly. Markden was let go because of this development.

That last bit of news had been heartening, but it made him angry too. Lieutenant Sadi Ratan let himself be carried away by his delusions of grandeur, believing that his word was gold. It turned out to be gold-hued enamel coating over a celluloid bauble. Because of him, he ruined the life of an innocent man with a false accusation and its resulting arrest.

And Jo Gar outwitted him again.

He knew that it did not have to be like that. Had the lieutenant been imbued with half the integrity and willingness to be corrected like his ex-superior, he would have done a fine job. But no, he did not.

There was nothing he could do. Lieutenant Sadi Ratan had brought this upon himself, and there was no one to blame but him alone. He had warned the man but he did not listen.

Now go stand in a corner and think about what you did, Lieutenant Idiot-Face.

For now, Edilberto decided to go on with his life.

He stood from his desk and placed the newspaper on a table along with the others in today’s edition. Going back to his place, he resumed his job, reviewing paperwork for an upcoming meeting with fellow lawyers on a case they were going to pursue at court.

#fanfic: and i keep my side of the street clean #jo gar #island detective #west of guam #raoul whitfield #the magician murder #the magician murder au #original character: edilberto alcantara #cw: abuse of power #cw: mentions of murder #fanfic #fanfic au

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adampenaflor · 2 years ago

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Final Blog

Adam Penaflor

4/10/23

“Reflections on a Year of Reading Honduras Literature”

Titles Read:

The Long Honduran Night

The Lost City of The Monkey God

Honduras Enchantment of the World

In the beginning, Honduras wasn’t my first choice. I wanted to choose the Philippines. Having family from both Honduras and the Philippines I wanted to take a deeper dive into my culture. I have been to Honduras multiple times, even going this past summer leading up to my senior year. I can speak the language, and I have eaten the food many times so I believe that I am more connected to the Honduran culture. But when it comes to the Philippines, I never spoke the language or spent time with my family because I had never been to the Philippines. So I wanted to know the history of the country that the other part of my family was from. But with the Philippines being taken I was forced to read about my second choice, Honduras. At first, I felt like reading about Honduras was going to be pointless because I believed I had excellent knowledge of this country. But after reading 20 weeks of Honduran Literature, I have learned how the country's government is corrupt and the reason many of my family moved to America. I also learned about the country's origins and why the land is very unique with many ancient ruins that are still undiscovered today.

From Preston’s The Lost City of the Monkey God to Frank’s The Long Honduran Night, I’ve learned that through trials and tribulations, you should never give up. In The Lost City of Monkey God, we follow Douglas Preston, Steve Elkins, and their crew on a journey to find the Ciudad Blanca. This quest has been unsuccessful for years, many crews before them have failed or been exposed. Before the quest, everyone told them it was a myth and they shouldn’t perform it but they didn’t listen. The journey was tough and treacherous, at a certain point they wanted to give up but they didn’t and they found la Ciudad Blanca and other Lost Cities, they did the unthinkable. In The Long Honduran Night, the country was always controlled and exploited by the government and by America. But the country was tired of being treated like nothing and the resistance, the military overthrew the government. In both novels, it showed how determined the people of Honduras are and they would do anything to get what they want, never giving up.

Throughout the 20 weeks of Independent Reading, I have learned that I wasn’t very good at time management and keeping track of my reading. At first, the task seemed simple to read 10 pages a day and pick a quote. But as the school year went on I’ve had many things come up like practice, work, etc that sometimes I would forget to read or find a quote often falling behind. I learned ways to use my downtime, especially during school to read, whether it was in intervention or at the end of a class I found time to read and made sure I wouldn’t forget. I would put my book on my laptop to serve as a daily reminder to read. I also learned that I don’t really like reading when I am forced to read, especially when it doesn’t interest me. If the book is too long or is something that I don’t really enjoy reading I would often not be engaged while reading and it would seem like a chore to me. But I can say that reading about Honduran literature has helped me learn many things that I didn’t know before about the country and culture.

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msbarrows · 7 months ago

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Not formally schooled in WW2 history and most of what I have read is related to European theatre not Pacific but stuff related to their reasons, off the top of my head beyond checking some dates?

This is going to be long because I surprised myself with how much I knew that I didn't realize I knew, and it goes back to almost a century before the attack itself. Ack.

(Also yes 'I just followed orders' is never a defence, and that's why people are not supposed to follow illegal orders. Though it's rather a Catch-22 since depending on whose orders it is you might well end up being punished in either case.)

Forced opening of Japan's previous closed borders by a fleet of US battleships (see the Perry Expedition in the mid 1800s) is the earliest history related to why Japan was not favourably inclined to the US to start with (ever heard the phrase 'gunboat diplomacy'? Yeah. Because the US has pretty much always seen itself as Hot Shit and felt that its perceived interests overrode everyone else's sovereignty - look up 'manifest destiny' and the Monroe Doctrine while you're at it for further evidence of US attitudes to everyone not US).

The US and Europeans overthrow the Hawaiian monarchy and then the US annexes the Hawaiian kingdom in the late 1800s giving them a mid-Pacific foothold for expansion further westwards. Note that Japan is also a monarchist island nation, who have already been forced to interact with the US. If you don't think they (and everyone else in the Pacific theatre area) saw this as red flags, you're not putting yourself in their shoes.

At about the same time Spain cedes Guam and the Phillipines to the US as part of the ongoing Spanish-American war (beef between the US and Cuba traces back to then). The Philippine-American war results, with the US eventually winning control of the area. More Pacific footholds even further west.

1900-1911 - US annexes parts of Samao, forming what is now known as American Samoa. (Oh look, even more aggressive US actions in the south-west Pacific area.)

Early 20th century saw boat-building infrastructure built on Hawaii centred on Pearl Harbour. It's mid-Pacific location makes it a very key foothold (and bottleneck) to US trade and military function further westwards.

1919 - Japan proposes that the post-WW1 Treaty of Versailles include a bit about the racial equality of all members of the League of Nations (they're the only non-western Great Nation). The US and the UK slap it down (what, let PoC be equal to their lily white purity? How ludicrous!) The US enacts a bunch of racist anti-Japanese laws.

1930s - Japan goes to war for a mix of reasons, largely economic (wanting to claim areas with resources of metal and oil they need and therefor feel a right to take - just like the western Great Nations have been doing all along). They withdraw from the League of Nations and ally with Germany and Italy. The US levies trade embargoes and restrictions that largely cease the trade of scrap metal and oil to Japan and prevent their ships from using the Panama canal, cutting them off even further from resources they feel they need to support themselves and their war effort.

1940 - US Pacific fleet does exercises off the Hawaiian coast and then remains at Hawaii.

Feb 1941 - Pearl Harbour designated the permanent base for the fleet. The US starts or continues greatly expanding the facilities at Pearl Harbour in support of it.

The US and the Japanese are in negotiations for much of the year. They both have mutually exclusive points they're not willing to give way on. Negotiations are failing.

Japan wants the Philippines, which would both give them resources and remove a major US foothold in what they see as their own area of interest. If they take the Philippines then the US would attack from Hawaii.

Dec 1941 - Japan makes what it considers to be a pre-emptive strike against an obvious US threat. While this is always described as a 'surprise attack' it's worth noting that the US President knew of the possibility of an attack at least three days before it occurred (there's a declassified memo from Dec 4 of that year that predicted it); but much like the warnings of 9-11, they had a 'failure of imagination' to believe that it could actually occur).

So yeah there's basically a long history behind why Japan attacked Pearl Harbour, and it very much was not because they wanted the US to enter the war. In light of both countries expansionism into the SW Pacific and the US's attitudes towards their nation, they saw the war as inevitable. I don't believe they were necessarily wrong. Though that doesn't put them in the right, either.

#Illegal orders #WW2 #Pearl Harbour #Japan vs US history #Annexation of various Pacific areas #That was a long tangent but every time I looked up a date of something it reminded me of other bits of relevant history #Expansionism #Manifest Destiny #Monroe Doctrine #Spanish-American War #Philippine-American War

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jeaninthephilippines · 6 months ago

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Visiting my mom's hood.

On the way to Batangas, I asked my mom what are the qualities of a Batangueno (someone from that province). She said, generous, loud, and family oriented. Laurel is on street signs, trucks, and buildings. It's my mother's last name. Our clan lives here and so does my Lola's family.

We visit the cemetery and tidy it up during the visit. I ask my mom about her favorite stories with her dad and brother. She recalls how her dad always asked about her day and they talked together at her old house in Majada. She remembers her brother splitting chores with her and doing all the heavy lifting trying to transport water. As she tells this story she is happy and my Lola proceeds to sweep. Lola cleaning this mausoleum is her way of saying she loves these men and has never forgotten their passing.

Then my drives us to six houses in Luyos that we must visit: her dad's sister Teresa (talkative), her dad's brother Eugenio (gay), her mother's sister Merced (sweet and strong for 92), her aunt Turing, her mother's sister Dori (stoic), and her dad's sister Lona (wheelchair bound). Each of them happy to recieve my mother's ambush. I told my mom to call the night before, but she was strategizing how not to have to eat at every house by omitting telling them our arrival. It was clever but Teresa's katulong (help) were secretly putting out table place mats and food on the table while we visited. I was able to resist her 3 attempts by explaining I was busog (full) from breakfast.

I was able to eat with my mom at a restaurant across Eugenio's street which is owned by a distant cousin of my grandmother called Jupeter. Literally the best lumpia I've ever had along with my tocino-silog.

While we drove further down my mother's old stomping grounds, there is a corner full of banana trees of untouched land. My mother explains to me this is where she grew up. I cannot believe how beautiful the land is and deeply feel the hard-working history of my family laid before me. I later told my mom, if I was handed the land (which I probably would be the last considered among the grand kids), I'd make it into a library for the town. My mom laughed and said, "Have you seen anyone reading?" I tell her that's why they need it! We can dream can't we?!

All the elders thought my face was beautiful and honestly looking at the pictures, you bet I am. I cannot tell you how relieved I am they didn't mention my weight. And the one elder who mentioned weight broached it to my Lola. I told my mom I didn't like that and my mom insists it means my Lola has a good life. I think about the critique from the woman who was wheelchair bound and let it go. My Lola in fact does have a great life with her mobility, her family, and her legacy.

The humidity made my hair bigger. But the humidity with the rich soil also brought about free food everywhere in nature: avocados, taro, cacao, banana, calamansi, turmeric, dragon fruit, and more. The wealth might not be in the currency here in the Philippines, but God does provide for the Filipino people with the abundance of food growing everywhere people live that is free.

I am grateful to be able to remember these things now instead of 16 when I took this all for granted sleeping on the commute from place to place. I am also grateful at my efforts to learn tagalog that has made me navigate any sort of shame that could be directed my way for lack of the native tongue.

I can tell my mom is proud of where she grew up and even prouder to share me with that special place.

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restingthrougheternity · 9 months ago

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Day 4 ~ imagine what would life be if I'm good at this Blog thingy

I mean I'm decently good but not that professional

Well Hello, I'm kind of a rushing because I'm in a hectic spot but rest assure the content will still be as it was before or even better of course anything for my 1 follower.

So, as you can see in the image what do you think these two has in common? Yes you're right, I can tell by the way your eyes move. These two has a history of having their systems compromised, as for the culprit we do not know, I mean it was unrevealed for security purposes. I mean Jollibee has millions of revenues and stocks with thousands of outlets worldwide—who wouldn't want to compromise such money—I wouldn't. But, oh boy, PNP the stronghold of Philippines, the organization that holds the mightiest name. Why in the world would you have the worst security of all other unit. I mean attackers do always find a way to do their things that is understandable but as a national unit they could have done better. I mean I'm not complaining because I'm also just a normal citizen but still.

Next would be, the phrase "Facebook give us social status and we give them data" ~ from a certain adviser. I mean it's real if we think about it, it's a win-win situation for most people because it's a way for them to have a connection all around the world and it's the most efficient way to advertise/market your product. However, (if you haven't read blog 3 then you definitely should—it's really interesting) there's this thing where we should limit the data that we share to them because the less they know the better. So, you're questioning me as for why the need for it? I mean because my adviser said so—he's really scary so there's no need to question it, it's meaningless. No, I'm just kidding it's because if you control your data then at least you control how it will be used. The amount of data you pull back will be solely dependent on how much you trust Facebook over your data. The massive social network claims to utilize your data to protect you and provide relevant adverts; for example, if someone logs into your account from a country you don't typically visit, Facebook may flag the activity as suspicious. But when it comes to protecting your data, this is not an entity that you can trust. Facebook has shared your information with third parties in an inconsiderate manner, regardless of how it has utilized your information.

The fact that Facebook also owns Instagram and WhatsApp and has the ability to combine some of the data it collects through both apps further complicates matters. The best option to reduce Facebook's tracking is to permanently uninstall all three apps. If you find that too drastic, you should simply go to the countryside; after a few months, you'll be able to live a truly freedom-filled existence. Just kidding, there are actually some ways or you should just be aware of how Facebook handles your data so you will know how to control it.

You could also follow this link. It shows some tips on how to do it. https://www.wired.com/story/ways-facebook-tracks-you-limit-it/

#theBestBlogEver #DataPrivacy #thegreatestTechnicianthat'sEverLived

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missrandomnomad0o · 9 months ago

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Personal rant post regarding Israel and Palestine.

Apparently, either Hamas or allies of Hamas recently captured a ship to take hostage. The ship is full of Filipino workers, which is relevant because my dad is a "Philippines first above all else" kind of guy, and Israel is one of the many countries Filipinos emigrate to for work. He (and Filipinos living in the country due to their alliance with America) can be pretty pro-Israel as a result.

God, it's actually irritating. He said that "Hamas involves those who aren't a part of their war, that's why people should stop supporting them," but like, they work there? They work in Israel, there's no way you can avoid the conflict if you work there. They'd shouldn't (and would rather not) be working there, but God forbid the government subsidises the jobless Filipinos who have no choice because jobs in their own country pay peanuts.

So many Filipinos (especially nurses) go abroad to work in countries with stronger currencies so that they can send money back to their families and provide for them there. Why is this government supported? Do they tax the fucking money sent to the families (the answer's probably yes)? No doubt it's going into the politician's pockets if the money got taxed. The last time I saw my old hometown, it did not improve from when I left to live abroad. Fucking hell.

Back to Israel. They bombed the Iranian Embassy, what the fuck did they think would happen? No, sincerely, what the fuck did they think would happen? I don't care if Hamas was hiding there, you don't bomb embassies from other nations. No wonder why Iran responded with violence.

As for that ship, Filipinos shouldn't have to be working abroad to support their families in the first place. Life doesn't stop just because another country went to war, so it's the government's job to protect their citizens from shit like this. But, uh, I don't have hope in the Philippine government to do anything for their citizens.

Oh yeah, I'm still pro-Palestine because I read about Irish history in the past. The British did the exact same shit with the IRA. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work.

#fuck israel #free palestine #free gaza

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beebunss · 1 year ago

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RACEBENDING PERSONIFICATIONS OF IMPERIALIST NATIONS: LET'S TALK ABOUT IT

PREFACE:

Before you read this, I totally recommend reading @peonycats ‘s entry about racebending in Hetalia. Link here

It adds a ton of context to what I'm about to say! It really helps me out too because I already feel like I have to over explain my points because I'm afraid people will misunderstand or misconstrue what I say.

I'm not trying to attack or force anyone who enjoys racebending countries to stop whatever they’re doing, (especially USA and Spain— both of whom I'm going to talk about in this reblog). I am not accusing anyone of anything. My opinion is pretty much based on my personal experiences as a monoracial, visibly ESEA passing, filipino person of color (ik that's a lot of labels but i want to be very thorough) living as a marginalized racial and ethnic minority in the West. I encourage you guys to please read what I have to say and at least respect my opinion as to why I don't exactly approve of racebending imperialist, colonialist, and settler nations as any marginalized ethnic minorities living in said nation. I hope my perspective may change or offer insight or advice to anyone on the opposing side. I think racebending is usually, typically, fine outside of Hetalia but much like what Peonycats said, racebending within the context of Hetalia becomes very complicated.

Disclaimer: do not feel bad for me or give me any pity. I just ask anyone to sympathize and try to understand my experiences as I am doing the work to connect with my heritage at my own pace and in my own way.

Here is an alternate link to this entry on google docs that may be easier to read.

PART ONE: HETALIA AMERICA

THE MYTH OF MULTICULTURISM - 1

As someone of Filipino descent who was born and raised in the United States, the amount of isolation I feel can be tough to deal with. I'm sure anyone who is a part of a diasporic community, living away from their ancestral home who doesn't have a cultural hub in their area with people they can relate to can definitely understand this feeling. Not to get too personal, but my parents moved to the United States when they were still in their late teens/early adulthood and they’ve been living in the United States longer than they have in the Philippines.

I am very grateful for the life I have lived being raised by my parents who did everything they could to give me everything they did not have when they were younger. They work very hard and they are successful in what they want to achieve. However, I will not ignore the fact that this success and the fact that they have been able to get ahead is because they are nearly— almost fully assimilated into American culture. They were able to keep their bilingualism and many aspects of our culture due to having moved here in what was basically their twenties, but my parents did not prioritize teaching me Tagalog or a lot about our family history and culture. I knew I was Filipino growing up but the absolute lack of exposure to my own culture outside of my immediate and extended family left me fairly disconnected. I did and said a lot of stupid stuff in my youth and it took me a very long time to unlearn the internalized racism that developed due to my standing as one of the only Filipino kids in school— before and after I moved to Long Island from NYC.

I do not blame my parents for my disconnect. I understand they felt it was important for them to assimilate as much as they could in order to give our family the best life possible. My mother does not want anything to do with the Philippines beyond being what is essentially a tourist on vacation— and it is not my place to judge or scrutinize her for that attitude, her personal relationship with her home country is her own. However, I personally want to be reacquainted with my culture and have a connection to the Philippines and I am sad (of course) I didn't get much of an opportunity for that growing up. My entire family is essentially, almost, assimilated. Many of my uncles and aunts attended HIGH SCHOOL in the United States and most of their children (my cousins) do not speak Tagalog or retain a substantial connection to the culture.

I connect with my ancestry by studying the history and politics of the Philippines. It's why I’ve been stuck in this fandom for so long— I can't seem to part with my Philippines ocs that brought me much comfort to research and make content of. History and politics are both things I found that are extremely important to me because my entire existence is so heavily racialized having lived in the United States. It brings me comfort and security to continue learning and taking in knowledge that I can use to then defend my existence— the context that my racial and ethnic identity brings that is impossible for me to part with in Western society. However, I feel an extreme amount of guilt because sometimes it feels like I am only able to connect with the Philippines on an intellectual level— a historian who has never lived the lives of the people they read and study about. I don’t have the lived experience of being in an area of people LIKE me culturally and ethnically. I do not know what it's like to be part of an ethnic majority. I've been in environments in which I was a part of the racial majority, but there were many instances of tension among different ethnic groups that isolated me further because Filipinos were still an ethnic minority. Regardless, I was still the minority in all the spaces I've been in.

This brings me to my first big questions:

Why don’t I find joy in the racebending of the White settler, imperialist nation in which I was born and raised?

Why wouldn’t I support the concept of personifying a white settler imperialist state as its marginalized racial and/or ethnic minority and making them the face of American Imperialism?

I embrace my identity as a FILIPINO-American. I bear no connection to the American identity outside of my Filipino identity and that I have lived my life navigating American society as a Filipino woman— therefore my surroundings shaped my experiences and opinions. I do not want the validation or approval of American society in the form of seeing my marginalized identity or my ethnic/racial background represented as a country that has done little to nothing to prioritize or actively recognize and address the struggles of underserved communities historically and currently.

I am a Philippines Centric creator and blogger because I want to represent my heritage. I do not crave the acceptance and recognition of the state that oppresses me. I create my own representation using my country of ethnic origin. I do not want to see myself; the colonized — in a — MY colonizer.

I do not like Hetalia America being represented by a Black, Brown, or POC person because the solution to getting ahead socially and economically in American society — especially for non white immigrants — is the assimilation, the sacrifice, the erasure, and commodification of non-white cultures.

I do not want a POC; one who would absolutely be a victim of this cruel, violent, and system of White supremacy, be the face of a nation in which the price for tolerance (not acceptance) is the orientalization, the commodification, the erasure, and the assimilation of people of color and their cultures and their identities.

Despite their success and the number obstacles my parents overcame in their lifetime, there will always be another glass ceiling they have yet to break when compared to the number of White American families that needn’t worry about housing, employment, or money because they will have access to an economic and racial safety net in the form of generational wealth that came from 300+ years of slavery, worker exploitation, segregation, colonization, and the systematic upholding of institutions that propels the white population to the social, racial, economical TOP and forcibly bolted POC to the bottom of the hierarchy. My parents will always have to work 10x as hard to make a comfortable living than a white person who makes the same.

I am tired of seeing people represent the struggle of poc grappling with their conflicting identities as one who was colonized or marginalized and one who also upholds the same system that has hurt SO MANY PEOPLE. In my opinion, this depiction shifts blame to the victims of American society and avoids accountability to White America that actively pits POC Americans against each other in order to distract us from the real root of our issues. While it is important to address the problem that is the POC that upholds a White Supremacist system and/or weaponizes their identity as a marginalized group to, again, uphold a racist system, POC Hetalia America is counterintuitive in the long run because he suddenly becomes extremely racialized and is unable to be separated from his identity and context as a POC. Therefore, it becomes impossible to address the issue White supremacy separately as its own entity because POC in America— especially if you are visibly and functionally non-white presenting, can NEVER be parted from the context that their racial and ethnic identities bring.

The US, being a settler nation, is a nation intended for RACIALLY WHITE PEOPLE. US imperialism has resulted in an irreparably damaged system in which it will never fully accept people like me within my lifetime. I do not need to see myself as a POC in a POC Hetalia America.

THE COLONIZED IDENTITY IN THE WEST - 2

CW: mention of racially charged sexual violence in the second paragraph.

Again, as a racial and ethnic minority in the west, it is IMPOSSIBLE for me to part with the context of being a visibly ASIAN, feminine presenting person. It is entirely possible for people, regardless if they live in their home country or in the diaspora, to be able to disassociate from their racial and ethnic identities if they are living in an area in which people share the same experiences, culture, and identity. However, since I do not, I am CONSTANTLY thinking about my race, my ethnicity, and the history that has contributed to my marginalization. This does not mean I do not actively try to move past race. However, in order for me to do that I have to recognize the fact that my race is an intrinsic part of me and it plays a major part in my life. With recognition comes education, change, and reform.

I am never not thinking about my place in society as a hyper-feminized Asian woman and how racial fetishization is so casual, commonplace, and something I can probably never escape. The United States’ imperialism of the Philippines and other Asian nations has contributed to the culture of fetishization and race based sexual violence against ESEAsian women in particular. The trend of white men that go to poor Southeast Asian countries for sex to take advantage of murky laws and corrupt justice systems is rooted in the West’s imperialist history against the East and the West’s entitlement they have to our bodies that has been reinforced through said violent imperialism. It is insanely deep rooted and I detect the remnants of American Imperialism of the Eastern world whenever I talk to a man, whenever I go online, and in the media in the form of casual perpetuation of racial violence against ESEAsian people. I DO NOT want a POC to be the face of a nation that has allowed for this mentality to thrive and has done nothing to try and reverse the effects of their actions or make amends for it.

I do not want the face of the country that has colonized my ancestral homeland for nearly half a century to also be a victim of the same system. I do not want Black Americans, First Nation peoples, and POC Americans represented as the hyper-capitalist dystopian colonizer that historically and currently siphons an unfair amount of wealth and labor from its overseas former and current colonies, its immigrants and minorities, and its own people.

As I’ve said before, people of color are completely capable and oftentimes very complicit in upholding systems that oppress others. However, by making a POC, the colonized, the face of this system through a nation personification insinuates that POC are the backbone and root of this problem. It deflects accountability and the real history that comes with living in a white supremacist state. Even I am inherently complicit with American imperialism because I live on land that is not mine and have benefitted from it. It is extremely important that we recognize our complicity and privilege as those who live and/or were born in the United States and LEARN so that we may give back to the community by being able to educate and be educated. And with that knowledge, we may push for reform and right the wrongs of the American government through voting, participating in local politics, and the like.

The culture war between the Filipino-American Diaspora and Mainland Filipino cultures are very apparent. Filipino-Americans are called out for self-orientalizing, self hatred/racism, and being disconnected from Filipino culture— as Filipino-Americans may be considered “less Filipino” by mainlanders since they do not live in the Philippines and are considered WHITEWASHED. I believe that Filipino mainlanders, as well as Filipino-Americans both have valid complaints about each other and I do believe we should work to mend the division that was created between us by addressing the issues we have with each other and coming to further understandings of one another.

But this brings me to another point: why would I want a POC America when the reason why I am considered less Filipino among mainlanders is, in part, because I am from this country? This country that promotes itself as being a melting pot but contrastingly constructs an environment in which POC feel pressured to assimilate and become culturally disconnected which ultimately makes people from their home countries reject their own? Since Mainlanders do not want to be associated with people they interpret as being ashamed or ignorant of who and what they are, they shame diasporic Filipinos for trying to claim the “Filipino” label and shame Filipinos for where they live/where they grew up regardless if they’re trying to reconnect or if they refuse to. The USA is the reason why I am considered less Filipino in Filipino spaces.

Not all mainlanders think this way, but it's a real issue that I need to address and I use general terms/make generalizations for simplicity’s sake.

I am proud to be Filipino, and I am proud to still be thriving as a Filipino-American in a country that was built without me in mind. I am unashamed in the hand life has given me and I reject the label of being “whitewashed” or “less filipino”. I am still able and willing to connect with my Filipino culture in meaningful ways. But I don't want a country that causes non white diasporic cultures to be considered whitewashed simply by being from there to be represented by a POC.

ALTERNATIVES? - 3

POC do not owe any loyalty to a country that has vilified, excluded, and marginalized us. In my opinion, it is not possible to reclaim something that was never meant for us.

By making a singular personification that represents the multiculturalism of American society by making Alfred a POC, it promotes imperialist cultural propaganda based on the fabricated “cultural melting pot” that has aided in the erasure and assimilation of many cultures within the United States.

I understand the desire for First Nations representation. I completely encourage it!! But, I think it is impossible to have Alfred himself represent ALL of the MANY First Nations tribes across the United States. This is why one of my solutions include personifying the tribes themselves— making ocs. Making Alfred vaguely native american as the personification of the United States promotes the misconception that First Nation tribes are all interchangeable with one another, that they are not diverse or culturally distinctive enough to deserve an individual personification that represents them, and is reminiscent of forced assimilation efforts and cultural genocide that First Nations people had and still have to face. Research a tribe, or multiple tribes! Educate yourself on their customs and have fun learning as you’re designing an oc that can respectfully represent the culture. Allow them to interact with other ocs or canon characters. If you’re a part of a First Nations ethnic group yourself and use Hetalia as a way to reconnect and research your culture, why not personify your own tribe into its own character? I am not a part of any First Nation tribe, but personifying the Philippines and conceptualizing post colonial Philippine people and the numerous pre-colonial Filipino tribes and kingdoms into a Hetalia concept follows a similar approach. For both pre-colonial Philippines and the First Nations, it is important to represent their uniqueness and cultural independence from the ethnic majority or settler population by giving each kingdom or tribe their own personification.

As for Black/POC America, if you truly desire to represent ethnic American minorities in a personification, I honestly do not see the problem in making multiple characters/individuals that all equally represent the United States. I truly do not reject ideas of having more Black/POC American representation. I just need it to be done better with more care and thought put into it, as a POC living in the United States. The logic here is the same logic I have for First Nations representation as I mentioned above. No one personification is able to represent the ethnic and racial diversity of a nation such as the USA. The whole point of diversity is that people of all backgrounds exist alongside each other.

I am not Black, or a part of any First Nation tribe. I am a POC, but I understand that my word is not god when it comes to the representation of cultures that I do not identify with or belong to. However, POC colonized by the West were often subject to the same imperialistic formula. Based on my extensive studying of the topic of western imperialism and how it has affected many groups of people, problems caused by a common aggressor often require similar solutions. I am only trying to connect my experiences and my knowledge and apply it elsewhere. Of course this doesn’t apply to everything, but I believe that in this case it makes sense.

Lastly, I want to see people pay more attention to actual POC nations. I simply don't like seeing people complain about the lack of representation in Hetalia but then ignore the canon POC characters or avoid making ocs/researching different cultures. And instead, opt to represent POC cultures filtered through a western/white nation. It does not make sense to me. I'm sorry.

I hope this doesn’t sound too accusatory but I need some of y’all to be honest.. I feel like some of you think it’s easier to make a poc who is culturally white american or European than put research and effort into portraying different cultures and countries. That is incorrect. We all have infinite access to the knowledge and research conducted about other cultures and nations. But you can't just disregard the non west like that especially if you crave the representation of their cultures. Some of you claim to be nuanced but your interpretation is just the canon white character with brown skin.

This is not to disregard the complexity and complication that is personifying a diasporic population. The cultural legitimacy of diasporic cultures is valid, as someone a part of a diasporic Filipino culture. And personifying diasporic/minority cultures is also valid. However, from what I've seen, many of you retain the original, context of the canon White America, and White Europe, and just slap on a brown skin tone and several small design changes without depicting the nuances of the culture. Or, again, you play into imperialist propaganda based on the myth of multiculturalism no matter how much research you do.

Give us genuine, respectful representation. Go all out instead of just meeting us halfway. I think POC deserve so much better than their cultures— again— being filtered through whiteness.

PART 2: HETALIA SPAIN

CEO OF THE CASTA SYSTEM - 1

While I understand that racebending Spain is considered less acceptable across the fandom, I cannot ignore the many, many instances in which I’ve seen Hetalia Spain portrayed as a “spicy white” or POC adjacent. He is consistently drawn with very tan/dark skin and his features have changed to look less Eurocentric. I’ve also seen people straight up just racebend him to be a POC. Sometimes, people draw him much darker than the actual POC in the show. I think that's dumb. Yes, people from the Mediterranean can be tan or dark skinned in the context of other Europeans, but compared to non European people, even naturally tan Spaniards will be considered light skinned.

This is honestly ridiculous to me. Spanish/Iberian Colonization of the Philippines and Latin America were one of the most violent examples of Western imperialism— as if colonization wasn't damaging or violent in general. The Spanish instilled a racial hierarchy in the Philippines and in Latin America called the Casta system that placed Peninsulares; Spanish born people of full European Spanish descent at the top of society, and non white races at the bottom. The more mixed with Spanish you were, the higher up you were on the racial caste. Western Imperialism operates on the same general concept of White Supremacy, just in different fonts.

To go back to the United States, it is a misconception that the US did not play any part in upholding this system that the Spanish created. They did. Colorism and racism in the Philippines and among Filipino communities in the diaspora is rooted in the US imperialism era as well as the era of Spanish colonialism.

The fact that the Philippines finds it a necessity to differentiate between the different kinds of people based on race, and the fact that we use racial/phenotypic signifiers such as the word “mestizo,” “morena,” and “chinito” to classify various appearances/ancestries is an extremely outdated and a colorist and racist construct. Filipinos will often rank beauty and capability associated with your ethnic lineage.

Examples of discrimination based on race:

“Her father is a (white) American and her mother is Filipino. She is a mestiza, of course she's beautiful.”

(Filipinos mixed with European ancestry are considered the most beautiful by default. Most celebrities in the Philippines tend to be mixed race because they are considered more beautiful than the average Filipino that tends to be dark skinned and have ‘native’ features such as a flat nose, big lips, short stature.)

“She’s pretty, for a morena.”

(“Moreno” is a word used in the Philippines to describe darker skinned people. Insinuating that darker skinned people tend to be less beautiful and that she is the only exception)

“She’s not that pretty. Morenas are too dark and she should try to lighten her skin.”

“Chinitos are so handsome because of their light skin, but they tend to have ch*nky eyes.”

“She’s pretty but she has your typical Filipino flat nose and big lips. Surgery could fix that.”

Dark skin is not seen as beautiful due to colonial mentality. Featurism is also a common occurrence which is discrimination based on physical features such as nose, eye, mouth, and general face structure. Many Filipinos exhibit internalized racism and will often judge each other for their ancestral makeup and how that relates to how they look. Mestizos are the standard because of their proximity to whiteness.

Filipinos mixed with European ancestry makeup less than 3% of the population, but they are what the Philippines uses to represent itself. Many people outside of the Philippines are under the misconception that Filipinos are all mixed, we have foreign blood, we’re all mestizos and it's because Mestizos make up most of all Filipino representation. All of our popular actors and actresses (Western and from the Philippines), world beauty pageant contestants, wtc. are usually mixed with white and are functionally white/white passing.

However, colorism and racism is extremely ingrained into our communities and usage of these words cannot cease because they are often used in assistance when addressing and talking about the unfair racial hierarchy that we still see in the Philippines. In order to eventually move past race, we must recognize the effects of racism and talk about it in order to dismantle the system. This is what Spanish (and USA) colonialism has done. The fact that use of this terminology is necessary in the first place in conversations regarding racism is extremely sad and another reason why I do not believe in POC/Brown Spain. I do not want my colonizer, who instilled such a damaging, long standing, racist construct to be represented by someone who would face the same kind of racism Spain promoted.

I am grateful to have parents that tried to move past this outdated racist construct. My parents have always tried to raise me to be comfortable in my own skin. Many Filipino parents project their internalized racism onto their kids in which they would develop a complex. I do not blame them for the self hatred I felt for myself when I was younger. With the little exposure to Filipino media I had and the lack of Filipino representation in Western media, I grew up with zero representation. Filipino representation from the Philippines did not look like me— and Filipino representation in the West was virtually nonexistent. I found myself attaching to East Asian characters and media, but I was not satisfied because at the end of the day I do not have the lived experience of a culturally Chinese, Korean, or Japanese person and therefore I cannot fully identify with characters of those ethnicities.

I am Filipino and I believe I can pass as Southeast Asian, but because of my Chinese ancestry and lighter skin (my skin is lighter because I live in the West but I do tan dark. However, I do not know what I would look like if I lived in the Philippines all my life. I was dark when I was younger, but my skin lightened as I got older and because I stopped going outside lol), I can also pass as East Asian and often get mistaken for Japanese or Korean.

I would be referred to as a Chinita. Some people will question my legitimacy as a Filipino and ask me if I'm actually Korean. I’ve been told that I am not a “real” Filipino and been told that I am not allowed to call myself that because I don't look like it. Being told you look Korean or Japanese may be considered a compliment in Filipino spaces, but I think it's racist and backward. I am completely aware of the privilege I have as a lighter skinned individual, but it does not negate the racism I experience in American/Western and Filipino spaces. This is also a representation of the fetishization of East Asia and Southeast Asians that are close in proximity to East Asian-ness.

I understand that most Filipinos are darker skinned. My Philippines OCs reflect the majority dark skinned population. However it is not an excuse for others to invalidate me based on my skin tone. My desire for self-representation manifests in the characters I make. I can see myself in my Hetalia OCs as well as my non fandom ocs.

I apologize if I got sidetracked, but my complicated relationship with my own racial and ethnic identity is a result of Spanish Colonialism (and by extension, American Colonialism) and Western Race Theory. I am continuously racialized as East Asian in the West despite my fully identifying as Filipino/Southeast Asian first. I am not considered Filipino because I am also an American, and because I also look East Asian.

Of course, I reject any notions that invalidate my identity. I look Southeast Asian— I am Southeast Asian. I am Filipino. But I am TIRED of constantly having to defend myself and my legitimacy! And the reason why I have to do this in the first place is BECAUSE of Western Colonialism INCLUDING Spanish and American colonialism.

Conclusion

Why do Hetalia fans get to disregard history and harmful racial constructs by racebending white characters—white nations known for their white supremacy and imperialism all the while the victims of these constructs are left to deal with the aftermath.

I am tired of seeing marginalized cultures and people filtered through a colonizer. I am frustrated that we are told to “make our own representation,” but the artwork and stories of people who choose to represent POC cultures as their own separate characters are widely ignored. I am SO annoyed that the racebent POC version of a European country is more palatable and popular to audiences than the canon character or OC representation of the POC nation itself.

My final verdict? Do better.

RACEBENDING NATIONAL PERSONIFICATIONS: A TREATISE

DISCLAIMERS:

I AM NOT WHITE, I AM A POC. I am not writing this because I’m a butthurt white person who gets pissy when someone makes my white faves nonwhite and thus unrelatable to me for ‘some’ reason.

I AM NOT PERSONALLY ATTACKING ANY INDIVIDUALS WHO RACEBEND OR IMAGINE THEIR NATIONS TO HAVE A DIFFERENT ETHNICITY THAN WHAT THEY DO IN CANON; ON A SIMILAR NOTE, DO NOT ATTACK SUCH INDIVIDUALS FOR ME. This is a discussion of general fandom trends and a larger phenomenon, the issue I am talking about cannot be solved on an individual to individual basis.

I AM NOT TRYING TO STOP FIRST NATIONS PEOPLE FROM RECLAIMING THEIR NATIONS. As I am not First Nations myself, I would not wish to deny what these individuals emotionally and mentally reap from reclaiming their nations.

I AM NOT THE “POC AREN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE FUN AND SEE THEMSELVES IN THEIR FAVES” POLICE; I AM NOT YOUR MOM, DO WHATEVER YOU WANT. Again, this is a discussion of fandom trends and a larger phenomenon. I think it’s almost always worth examining why we do the things we do and the reasons behind a trend.

I AM NOT AGAINST RACEBENDING IN GENERAL. This is specifically an essay on racebending in nationverse Hetalia and other personified nations fandoms.

PREFACE

As stated before in my disclaimers, this essay is not intended to be a condemnation of individuals who participate in racebending. Rather, I intend to make a macro-critique of wider structures and patterns. For this reason, this essay is not accusing anyone engaging in racebending of holding any specific belief. I cannot stress enough how much I do not know you, the hypothetical reader who engages in racebending.

Again, my intent is to critique wider structures and patterns.

This essay is a conversation I would like to have with other POC and other marginalized groups, especially POC based in white, Western countries. Thus, I ask people not included in the above groups to refrain from weighing in on this.

ALTERNATIVE GOOGLE DOC LINK HERE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Difference in Reception for Racebent versus Non-Racebent Characters

The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations

The State of POC Representation in Hetalia

The Assumption of Interchangeability in POC Experience

The Myth of Multiculturalism

“It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?"

Conclusion

The Difference in Reception for Racebent versus Non-Racebent Characters

I will start this essay off with an acknowledgement of my station in the Hetalia fandom and how it uniquely equips me to talk about this topic – I am very fortunate to enjoy a follower base that primarily follows me for non-Western characters, whether they be canonical or my own original characters. As someone who mostly posts non-Western characters, I can confirm that there is a wider disparity in reception between drawings of my white characters and non-white characters. The following example is not from myself, but from the artist miyuecakes who similarly focuses on predominantly non-white, non-Western countries. You can see there is a drastic gap in the amount of notes that post focused on five nations considered to be non-Western versus a drawing of Female America.

Stating this fact of the fandom is fairly noncontroversial. I would also assert that the following statement is equally true, however given recent reception, is far more controversial: “There are far more instances of racebent canonically white/Western characters, which receive far more traction than their non-racebent counterparts, whether canonical or not.”

I want to make clear what my statement is not saying:

Racebending is only done by white people seeking to score clout and diversity points without having to care about canon non-white characters. In fact, the vast majority of racebending in the fandom is done by POC looking for representation; given the amount of white canon nations compared to any other nation, POC who engage in racebending see it as a way of “evening” the disproportionate overrepresentation of white countries.

POC who engage in racebending are doing so to score clout and diversity points with a white audience. Refer to my above point.

Racebent canonically white characters are met with no controversy or racist/bigoted vitriol. It is fairly well known that there have been multiple harassment campaigns, particularly on Twitter, against artists and editors who’ve engaged in racebending even outside of the Hetalia fandom: see the Black Anya edit, Thumin’s artwork and resulting hate. POC being visibly POC in online spaces will always garner backlash.

On a similar note, I am not including POC cosplayers cosplaying white or light-skinned characters in my definition of racebending. Being angered by POC who cosplay characters of a different complexion is blatantly racist; anyone who is angered by this has nothing of value to add and not worth arguing with.

I am a bitter artist who is mad that I don’t receive enough notes on my posts with non-racebent characters compared to posts about racebent white characters. As stated earlier, I am grateful for the audience I’ve cultivated who specifically follow me for non-racebent non-Western content; I am also more than aware that my content is not what people who seek out racebent content are looking for, and have no interest in changing either my content or their tastes. The last thing I would wish to do is to label POC creators who engage in racebending as “the enemy” and POC creators who don’t as “my side.”

With that out of the way, I bring up this observation because I think it’s worth asking ourselves, POC specifically, the following questions: Why? Why is there this discrepancy in frequency and reception between these kinds of characters and content? Why do people racebend in lieu of focusing on existing POC and creating their own non-white characters?

The easy answer most would give is because white characters are over-represented and given more screen time and attention in the canon, so people, especially POC, will become attached to them and create variations of them that hit closer to home for them; this is especially the case if you are a POC who has had experiences living as a minority in a Western country. Some POC may also use racebending as a way to subvert national myths that have historically excluded people of color for a variety of racist, imperialist reasons. I know I used to subscribe towards a depiction of non-white passing America and Canada for this very reason.

In the rest of this essay I would like to examine and critique the practice of racebending national anthropomorphisms traditionally and typically depicted as white in the context of Hetalia and by extension other media involving similar premises. This essay argues that while racebending may be harmless for most other anime, Hetalia – by virtue of its content centering real life nations – carries political implications that are not necessarily appropriate.

I stress again that I can’t stop you or what anybody in the Hetalia fandom does. I do not have that kind of power nor the will to do such a thing. All I ask is for you to listen to the following with an open mind, and if there’s only one thing you take away from this, I hope it’s to realize that POC in particular have valid reasons to dislike racebent depictions of white nations; holding such a stance does not make them anti-POC representation and somehow no longer POC and instead, a member of the white oppressor class.

The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations

Firstly, I repeat that a series about personified nations is deeply political and every creative choice carries political and socio-cultural ramifications, whether intentional or not and made by the creator or the fan. Even if you mostly interact with Hetalia in a depoliticized context, others may not, and given that nationverse Hetalia is about personified nations, this is perfectly reasonable.

Let us look into the canon material of Hetalia- It is shown that nations on average have close ties to their governments, viewing them as their bosses and carrying out actions for them. We are shown that there are nations who go against the orders of their governments, such as Germany; this does not mean all nations follow in that pattern, however, and there are many who are in lockstep with their governments and their actions.

Therefore, for individuals whose ethnic groups and nations have suffered great harm from oppressor nation-states (Philippines v. United States, Indonesia v. Netherlands, India v. England), it is not irrational for them to be unsettled by their oppressor being racebent- especially when said oppressor nation-state is depicted as being the same ethnicity as the very group(s) they marginalized. This is uncomfortable for multiple reasons:

There is an implication that a member of a marginalized group possibly chose to take part in atrocities and misdeeds that the said marginalized group historically not the major perpetrator behind. In more egregious cases, a member of a marginalized group willingly chose to commit atrocities and misdeeds on a large scale against their own group.

The oppressor state personification was forced by their government to commit these grievous acts of harm against members of other marginalized groups/their own marginalized groups; thus, the personification of the nation-state, the people, has little to no culpability as an oppressor, and is instead made into a fellow victim of their own government.

This deflects blame from the embodiment of the state of being an oppressor. The suggestion here is that the state is somehow completely separate yet intertwined with the government – it was simply the government who perpetrated the crimes… the people were just unwillingly complicit. This can come across as an erasure/rosewashing of the very purposeful policies used to harm and disadvantage colonized/oppressed groups.

This can also erase the fact that in many cases, the people gave the government’s actions their tacit approval whether it was through whole-hearted enthusiasm or apathy towards the suffering of others.

In the case that the racebent nation’s minority ethnicity was historically involved in such acts, this involves highly sensitive conversations about minorities’ complicity in crimes and assimilation into the white/majority order (e.g. Chinese and East Asian settlers in Hawaii after America’s illegal annexation, Korean collaborators with the Japanese annexation of Korea, African American soldiers in the Philippines); these are extremely touchy subjects that should be had within the relevant ethnic groups, and should not be appropriated by outsiders, particularly white people, especially for fandom purposes.

(I will discuss insiders racebending nation-states to their ethnic group that have suffered mistreatment and oppressed by said nation-states in “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”)

Additionally, racebending may end up justifying those very same crimes, especially in the case of settler colonialism. For example, during French rule of Algeria, the French government began a program of confiscating Algerian land from indigenous Algerians and giving them to French and European settlers. Over the course of two centuries, more and more land was taken away from indigenous Algerians, forcing them to move to the margins of society, where they were barred from accessing employment, higher education, and the other societal amenities.

Many would be able to identify how personifying Algeria as a white, French individual would be erasing indigenous Algerians and implying that the French settlers represent all of Algeria. However, conversely, making France an Algerian man is also playing into colonial French propaganda. The French viewed Algeria as part of France and the French homeland itself, unique even among other French African colonies, and made plans to make Algeria a full-fledged French province, or department. To make the national personification of France Algerian then, is to suggest that this belief was and is correct, that the Algerians are a part of the colonial core of France, even if the intention is to represent the modern day Algerian diaspora in France.

IMPORTANT: I will expand on the politics of representing diaspora populations in the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”

Given all of these reasons for why POC may justifiably react negatively to a racebent white nation personification, some may argue against these with:

“Why is it that when the nation is white, they never have to deal with any of these heavy discussions of imperialism, bigotry, oppression, etc, but when they’re racebent they suddenly have to? Why are they suddenly politicized when they’re racebent?”

My response to that is that they were politicized, even when they were white because the act of personifying a nation is inherently political; to ignore a white nation’s history of oppression is a politically charged move in of itself. Are we really depoliticizing POC when we racebend a white nation and try to maintain that same ‘depoliticization’ and omission of historical oppression but this time for a POC face? To racebend a white nation is to refuse to contend with the contradiction of transforming an oppressor class to the very group they marginalize - making racebending an inherently political act. It is not necessarily that whiteness is unpolitical but rather that an active refusal to deal with this contradiction makes the political implications much more obvious.

Additionally, this rebuttal raises another question- Were we to completely forget about a character’s background as the personification of an oppressor state and the political weight of that, would that truly solve the problem of POC being politicized? I don’t think so- In the current world we live in, POC are always political. But exclusively racebending oppressor states makes no attempt to depoliticize non-Western POC states, creating a divide between POC that get to be “depoliticized” and POC who don’t based on their proximity to the West.

The State of POC Representation in Hetalia

Some would argue with the points of my last paragraph saying that I am not including POC who both engage in racebending but also create non-Western POC OCs; if equal attention is given to both, there would be no division between racebent Western POC who get to be humanized and non-Western POC who don’t, right?

To answer this we must acknowledge wider trends in racebending in Hetalia. Consider the following: When somebody has a North African! Romano, how many other North African nations (canon or non-canon) do they show appreciation for? Create content for? Expound the same amount of mental and creative energy for? Furthermore: If they do have another North African nation(s) they create content for, are they allowed to exist as their own separate beings, and not purely exist to be North African! Romano’s tie to North Africa?

Chances are, Romano is reduced to being the token brown character in a largely white cast and isn’t allowed to ever exist without whiteness surrounding him. This is a very diaspora experience, but I find it unfortunate that in a piece of media that enables us to explore any number of cultures and experiences over all of time and history, we (and I’m including myself as another POC who grew up in a primarily white environment) are unable to imagine ourselves outside of this setting and celebrate ourselves without having to exist against a white mainstream. Stories about white engulfment are allowed to exist and should be told, but why is this so common? Why do these stories disproportionately outnumber POC stories where whiteness is minute or absent?

As my audience is intended to be mostly POC, I will not elaborate on the following scenario too much, but I will ask us to scrutinize the ethics of it. What about cases where white individuals racebend some of their white favorite characters and position them as POC representation in lieu of actually focusing on POC, non-Western nations, canon or not? Does this not have implications about what kinds of POC and diversity are considered more palatable and appealing?

Furthermore, when another North African nation does exist alongside racebent Romano, their character and depiction is almost always heavily dependent on their relationship to Romano, a Western nation. This still perpetuates the same inequality I was talking about earlier where POC nations are humanized based on their proximity to the West, whether because they personify a Western nation or happen to have a relationship with a Western nation.

We should not just be talking about having “more” non-white representation, but also the quality of it. It is completely understandable why some POC may not be satisfied with the representation most racebent content provides, even beyond the reasons outlined previously; this type of representation excludes POC who do not have a relationship to the West, and is still largely focused on the West.

IMPORTANT: I am not saying that contact with or influence from the West makes POC somehow “less POC” or that stories from Western-based diaspora are a “diluted” form of representation. I will expand on this in the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism.”

“Well if it’s not good enough for those POC, then they should just mind their business and make their own representation! There’s plenty of non-racebent content out there!”

Many POC do exactly that- creating their own representation without racebending. However, as established earlier, racebent white characters receive far more attention and feedback compared to canonical non-white characters, despite the fact that both depictions fulfill the purpose of “representation.” This can be especially disheartening in a fandom that already heavily tokenizes canon POC nations, whether it’s India being presented as the “nanny”/surrogate parent in Commonwealth group art or Seychelles as the “adopted child of color” in FACES family. To POC content creators, it feels insulting that the wider fandom, rather than developing POC canon characters (or taking advantage of the source material’s potential by making OCs) and viewing them as representation, the fandom chooses to racebend Western nations and celebrates them instead.

I want to make clear again what I am not saying with that statement:

POC who engage in racebending are doing so to score clout and diversity points with a white audience. Again, it’s a fact that the vast majority of racebending is done by POC looking to create their own representation.

POC who engage in racebending should all go stan Seychelles and Cuba instead. This is an extremely individualist solution to what is a wider phenomenon. I do not blame POC based in Western countries for feeling disconnected to the few POC nations we have in canon.

Racebent POC content is more popular than content of non-racebent white characters.

What I am describing here is how an audience (the Hetalia fandom) receives two creations, both made by POC in the pursuit of creating more representation, and the difference in reception. The difference, it seems, is that the wider fandom deems certain kinds of POC representation more appealing, and thus, certain kinds of POC worth focusing on.

The Assumption of Interchangeability in POC Experience

Earlier, I mentioned that one of the possible reasons for POC to engage in racebending is the desire to see an iteration of their favorite character that is closer to their own reality and lived experience. Therefore, some may choose to racebend a white character to embody a marginalized minority in the country instead so they can share more experiences with the formerly white characters.

Here, I will not be dealing with the practice of POC racebending their own country to their own ethnicity, which is the focus of the next section. Instead, I will be delving into the practice of POC racebending another nation to embody a minority (one which they do not belong to) for the purposes of ‘putting themselves in their interpretations.’ I argue that to do this requires assuming a certain level of interchangeability between POC experiences.

First and foremost, POC are not a monolith- we lead drastically different lives depending on our ethnic backgrounds, where we live, our socioeconomic class, our political and racial context, and etc. Therefore, we cannot presume that our experiences of marginalization mean we’ll always succeed in properly representing other minority groups elsewhere; in fact, the goal of projecting our own life experiences onto them means that there will be an obstacle to properly representing these minority groups.

Take the following example: Imagine a Chinese-Malaysian individual greatly enjoys the character of Spain. Wishing to better relate to him, the individual racebends him to be also Chinese. However, a great deal of historical, cultural determinants and nuances separate the experiences of Chinese people in Spain and Chinese people in Malaysia. There are similarities, yes, but this Chinese Malaysian cannot hope to properly represent the Chinese population in Spain if their primary goal remains self-projection. Now imagine that our Chinese-Malaysian individual wished to racebend England to be Indian; an even wider gap separates the experiences and history of Chinese people in Malaysia and Indian people in England, making it even less likely that our individual will succeed in representing the experiences of Indian people in England.

Another point to consider is that attempts at racebending certain national personifications to represent minorities in the country end up erasing representation for the majority population of the country. For example, there has been a historical Japanese community in Peru that dates back to the 1800s and made a large impact on Peruvian culture. However, it would still be inappropriate to make a Peru OC that is mostly Japanese in race, because besides just being not representative of the 99.9% of non-Japanese Peruvians, it would also be taking representation from Peruvian mestizo and indigenous peoples, who make up over 80% of Peru’s population.

This isn’t even taking into consideration cases where nations are racebent to personify ethnic groups that do not have a numerically significant or historically significant population.

“So what if it’s inaccurate? I just want to self-project onto my favorite character!”

If that’s your response, then I encourage you to read the section “It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?” where I address assertions of "fandom is not activism" and similar points.

For now, I will ask you to consider the feelings of those very minorities you are ostensibly representing, even if your primary intention is to project your own experiences onto a character. Chances are, they also suffer from little to no representation that depicts them in inaccurate and unflattering ways.

Hetalia is a media property supposedly centered around exploring and learning about other cultures, but so often fails to accurately and sensitively depict many cultures and nations. Should we not show them the grace that canon Hetalia fails to provide?

The Myth of Multiculturalism

Multiculturalism is typically defined as a celebration of a nation’s ethnic diversity. This is generally considered to be a good and progressive value to have, but a closer and more critical look at multiculturalism in practice suggests that not even a value directed at xenophobia is immune to in-group out-group biases. When enacted by the state, multiculturalism is less an acceptance of diversity as it currently exists (especially in regards to non-indigenous ethnicities) and more an assimilation of these “foreign cultures” into the dominant national one.

For example, Singapore has built much of its national identity as a “multicultural” society. This is shown through government policies in language and education, where the languages of the 3 ethnic groups (Chinese, Tamil Indians, Malays) are all officialized and the government promotes education for ethnic minorities in their mother tongues. However, the label of “multicultural” hides the reality of power inequality between the various ethnic groups. Minorities face pressure to display literacy in the language and culture of the Chinese majority for greater societal acceptance and inclusion. In fact, the assertion that Singapore is a multicultural society that treats its ethnic groups all equally, is often used as a cudgel to shut down any allegations that Singapore fails to live up to this national identity. As my audience is intended to be predominantly POC, especially those living as minorities in Western nations, members of my audience are of course familiar with insistences of “But Canada/United States/etc is a melting pot society! Racism isn’t a serious issue, POC can’t be treated poorly in those countries.”

By racebending a national personification to be part of a marginalized population, this is making a political statement by asserting that the marginalized population is in fact a part of that nation, and has always been, despite historical exclusion. The act of racebending is an overly idealistic and uncritical agreement with multiculturalism, without considering how the value actually applies in practice. It rosewashes the reality and existence of cultural imperialism enacted on immigrant/outsider groups.

Racebending can therefore accidentally act as multicultural propaganda, especially when the invokement of multiculturalism is used to stamp out valid critiques of othering and racialization by ethnic minorities. (E.g. “Singapore can’t have problems with racism against Malays! Singapore himself is Malay!”)

IMPORTANT: If you want to argue that nation personifications are not inherently representative of their government, refer to the section, “The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations.”

“Well, POC based in Western countries will naturally feel more connected to their Western countries than their homelands, often because of those policies intended to break their connections to their homelands. Why can’t they racebend to reclaim? To feel connected to their Western countries in contrast to their realities of ostracization and othering?”

I have already discussed why other POC (those affected by a white regime’s actions) would be uncomfortable with the implications of tying a POC/marginalized group with said white regime’s misdeeds in the section “The Inherent Politicism of Personifying Nations” so I will not discuss it here beyond mentioning it.

Firstly, I must acknowledge that this argument is fundamentally an emotional one. I do not want to deny what POC in Western countries emotionally derive from racebending the nation-state, even as a fellow POC based in a Western country. Instead, I will approach this argument from another angle.

I ask the following: When trying to represent our experiences as diaspora and minorities, why is personifying a diaspora/minority community not a popular option? The act of choosing to personify a community is inherently political, and we can use it to empower ourselves as diaspora or minorities. For example, by personifying diaspora communities, we can acknowledge that diaspora experiences are different enough from those in the ‘homeland’ to warrant another personification, and also avoid accidentally justifying colonial possession of those ‘homeland’ states.

Additionally, by personifying diaspora/minority communities, we can 1) better reflect our unique day-to-day experiences of being racialized and separated from the mainstream, 2) avoid many of the earlier uncomfortable implications of minority collaboration in majority perpetrated acts and condoning colonialism, and 3) stress our independence and autonomy despite the efforts of the state and majority population to take that away.

To put it another way, why are there so many stories of minorities striving towards being included, or from another angle, subsumed, into the white nation-state despite its frequent rejection of them? Again, what does it say that these narratives of “inclusion into a historically white nation-state” disproportionately outnumber POC narratives where whiteness is minute or absent?

IMPORTANT: I am not singling you, the hypothetical POC diaspora individual who engages in racebending, out. I am asking about wider patterns of representation in media.

“But by personifying diaspora and minority communities separately from the personification of the nation-state, isn’t that basically saying that minorities will never be seen as part of the nation-state? That we will never be included when people think of our nation state?”

I believe this response takes too narrow a perspective on what multiculturalism is and “being part of a nation-state means,” and thus views having separate personifications as ‘justifying’ or ‘promoting’ our exclusion from the nation-state when it may not be the case.

Look at it from this way- Is it not also problematic to have only one avatar for, say, America, and thus imply that there is one true way of being “American?” Having multiple American personifications, in contrast, is a more true depiction of the realities of being American, and more true to the values of multiculturalism; it instead suggests that there are many ways to be American, that we don’t have to be subsumed into the mainstream to be considered “American.”

“Isn’t that functionally the same as different interpretations of the same nation-state coexisting? Why can’t fans just all have a different Alfred/America specific to their own experience who are all equally considered American?”

Once more: I am not trying to stop anyone from doing anything. That’s not within my power to do so. I agree with this statement that largely, having multiple American personifications and multiple America/Alfred fulfills the same purpose of showing that to be American means something different to everyone. However, the reason I advocated for the former approach is because it achieves the same goal with a lot less uncomfortable questions and unique benefits (minority autonomy), as detailed above.

“It’s Just Fandom, Why Are You Trying to Control POC Who Just Want to Have Fun and Want to Represent Themselves?”

First off, I am presenting this essay as a conversation with other POC because I want to make it explicitly known that my position here is not that of a white person seeking to silence POC and lecture them about what is and is not good for them. Secondly, it's because I want to talk about racebending as it currently exists in the Hetalia fandom, something mostly done by POC who wish to represent themselves and create the diversity missing in the source material. I believe pointing out that white people who are uncomfortable with POC characters or only racebend for self-centered reasons likely have a racial bias is obvious, especially to other POC, and wish to progress the conversation beyond this. This is why my discussion on racebending is moving beyond white bias.

As part of centering this as a discussion among POC, I am also assuming good faith from my interlocutors, that their desires for representation and diversity are sincere, and that I don’t look down on them. I hope then, that this assumption of good faith can be afforded to me as well- that my interlocutors believe me when I say that the last thing I want to do is control POC, as a fellow POC.

Having gotten all of that out of the way, let's address some rebuttals to the arguments I've made thus far.

"Who are you to decide what kind of representation resonates with POC?"

You're right. I can't decide what kind of representation resonates with POC. Again, I am not intent on controlling POC, and again, I recognize that many of the arguments in favor of racebending white nations come from an emotional place; I can’t control how POC feel, even if I wanted to do that.

However, it's precisely because of this that I've made my arguments based on factors other than emotional ones, such as the political implications and questioning the inclusivity racebending provides us with. POC joy and happiness is crucial in the face of a system that seeks to crush and suppress us. But from one POC to another, it's not much of a discussion if your response to my points is simply, "Well, it makes me feel represented and happy, and that's what matters most." If we argued based on that, we could go all day. Am I not a POC myself? Do the feelings and happiness of POC who are uncomfortable with racebending not matter? For that matter, who are you to tell the people whose families and people have been historically affected by white imperialist states to stop disliking racebent versions of those imperialist states?

For white people, it is easy for them to shut down racebending, because they don't understand the experience of never seeing yourself in any form of media. I have asked white/non-marginalized people to refrain from this discussion for that very reason. But in exchange for that, we should be able to discuss the ramifications of racebending national personifications, and look deeper at the arguments for and against racebending.

"You're taking this too seriously. People giving more attention to racebent versions of Western countries versus non-racebent POC countries doesn't say anything deeper about someone's political beliefs. People just like the silly anime about personified countries, and that silly anime happens to give more attention to the canonically white countries."

To a certain extent, I get this rebuttal. We cannot solve racism or the privileging of the global north by reblogging Hetalia fanart of Seychelles and Cameroon. Everything I have described here is symptomatic of much, much larger issues that affect billions. But it's symptomatic: fandom is not immune to the ills of wider society. We do not shed our innate biases and prejudices when we enter supposedly apolitical spaces like fandom. In a series about personified nations, our prejudices and biases are naturally magnified because the source material’s nature is deeply political, dealing with history and personified nations and states.

Again I ask: What does it mean that the POC representation made by POCs is so often limited to racebending canonically white characters, in the context of the world order we live in where proximity to the West automatically confers certain privileges?

IMPORTANT: Refer to the section “The Myth of Multiculturalism” if you respond to this with “Are you saying depictions of Western-influenced POC experiences are a lesser form of representation?”

If that fails to convince you, and you still believe the inequality in reception between racebent and non-racebent nations doesn’t say anything deeper, I respond with the following- Isn’t it still worth it to try and show the same support and energy to the non-racebent, non-Western countries and their creators, regardless of whether that content speaks to you or not?

One last time, I’ll clarify what I’m not saying with that:

Stop liking America and Russia and England. I repeat, I cannot control what POC like or feel or do, and I repeat, what characters you personally like is a very individualistic view on a wider, systemic issue.

In the section “The State of POC Representation in Hetalia,” I discussed how disproportionately giving to racebent countries versus non-racebent non-Western countries is not an intersectional form of POC representation, and fails to address the underrepresentation of non-Western countries and cultures given the global colonial hierarchy. My above statement is therefore saying that if we POC want to achieve a more intersectional form of solidarity and representation, to create a fandom that’s more non-Western friendly, to generally support all types of POC creators, we should not neglect certain kinds of POC content just because it doesn’t personally resonate with us.

You don’t have to. Fandom is not activism. For many, fandom is an escape from the grim realities of the outside world. But in a media property all about exploring other countries’ cultures and histories, can we not strive for the spirit of the source material, and be a little more open-minded in exploring other countries and other forms of POC representation? Even in this miniscule way?

CONCLUSION

I would like to conclude this essay on the matter of irithnova, and the recent controversy she’s been embroiled in for stating many of the points I have made. Yes, our tones were different. But no amount of harsh tone warrants the outrage and rather racist backlash her post received. irithnova has been one of the most active voices in the Hetalia fandom speaking out against racism, from the exclusion of POC in j-ellyfish’s character polls to myrddin’s behavior. However, as soon as she, a Filipino, expresses personal discomfort with certain depictions of a nation that’s caused great harm to her people, other POC were the first to get mad at her for seeing the political implications of a POC personified America, to the point of trying to deny her reality as a feminized and racialized member of the diaspora living in a colonial European country and calling her functionally white.

POC solidarity doesn’t mean we have to all agree with each other, or even like every other POC. But I want to note the irony here of people committing the very act they accused irithnova of doing- telling her, a Filipino, that she wasn’t allowed to criticize racebent depictions of America, thereby trying to control POC.

If your response to this is “Well, sure irithnova didn’t deserve the harassment, but she was still wrong to criticize racebending because it wasn’t her place!” I would like to remind you of the following points:

Scroll up to the top and read this essay again. Regardless of tone used, there are valid reasons for POC to dislike and criticize depictions of racebent countries.

irithnova, as a Filipino living in the West and has Filipino relatives in the USA, is intimately aware of the nature of American imperialism and racism against POC. The United States promised to help the Philippines achieve independence but instead robbed it of its sovereignty, putting down resistance to its takeover and instituting American rule because they viewed Filipinos as “lesser” and incapable of governing themselves because of their race. If it isn’t irithnova’s place to feel uncomfortable (and thus criticize) racebent America, then whose is it?

Finally, I want to emphasize one more thing- First Nations/Indigenous individuals have a unique relationship to the colonial settler states that occupy their land. Like I’ve said so many times, I cannot tell any POC how to feel or what to do, and even more so in this case because I myself am not First Nations/Indigenous; I’ve only provided arguments about the pitfalls of racebending and the merits of other forms of representation. But just as how I cannot tell you what to feel or do, nobody can stop other POC feeling put off by a racebent America.

At the end of the day, despite the who-knows-how-many paragraphs I’ve spent articulating the reasons against racebending canonically white nations, I cannot stop anyone from racebending nations if they wish to. But I do hope readers come away with a better understanding of the flaws of racebending, and the benefits of looking away from the Western mainstream and looking elsewhere to represent our experiences as diaspora and minorities. If you’re someone who engages in racebending, but still chose to read this 6K word long essay on the Hetalia fandom, I can’t express my gratitude enough for hearing me out. Honestly, anybody who read through this entire post deserves an award- Thanks for reading 💖

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straycatboogie · 2 years ago

Text

2023/05/25 English

BGM: Betty Boo - I'm On My Way

What does the emotion of "anger" mean? TBH this morning I just tried to stop myself because I almost got mad... and I could. I can't say what happened actually, but I just say "it is because of my work". Yes, I am an autistic person. But should I endure such a disgraceful, humiliating event? If so, why? I felt really shameful about my autism, my destiny. And also I feel a certain unequal about the fact. Why can she (the person must be a neurotypical person) make me shameful so easily? Why is she so harmful? She must be a psychopath who can make lies smoothly... In other words, there must be certain people who have learned how to live their life successfully and neatly. They smile and act cheerful to others, but show harmful attitude to me only... This world is really unfair. But, I also accept that it is slowly and actually getting better than the past. When the issue of autism had not been hot like now, I even shouted that "I have a handicap in my brain" at the workplace. People treated me as a "fragile" thing... At that time, I was alone and hadn't learned any tactics. I couldn't see how to "fight" that situation.

Now I am reading a book "How to Stand Up to a Dictator" by Maria Ressa, a journalist from Philippines. In that book, the author says to us how important we put a proper place to that emotion anger in our minds. Not having struggles to deny or erase that anger, but thinking about why that anger had happened, and also about making new things from it as a source. At least, I accept her opinions like that. Indeed, I respect these opinions. But I can't let myself be into anger. I am not good at showing anger. Although I can feel smooth by shouting or hitting the things actually (maybe, by anger, I almost beat someone else physically), the situation always "revenges" me. It always gets worse when I show anger. Once I dreamed I would beat my bosses or my father, or blame them to the extreme point, but I couldn't do so. I just had to drink a lot to forget that stress with huge anger. I must be not good at showing anger, so I should stay calm. Then everything will go fine... I am giving up like that.

This is a quote of Nietzsche. "It is the stillest words that bring on the storm. Thoughts that come on doves’ feet guide the world" (from "Thus Spoke Zarathustra"). Of course, you might have another opinion. But I have a deep sympathy with this. Finally, as an issue of my policy or lifestyle, "Showing anger is not a good solution of my life" I think. Of course, I am a tiny human being so anger sometimes floods from my mind. It brows me almost completely. It even happens "every day". But I have been trying not to show that to outside, but "swallow" in my stomach. And I "vent" that emotion to other places, not showing straightly at the place I felt anger actually. Now I have so many friends on MeWe, Discord, and LINE. I also connect myself with the real relationship, the "danshu" meeting, and the English conversation class. Venting "my truth" to there, I can manage this tiny and too sensitive mind. That's a way of my "anger management". Ah, as The Beatles sings, "Christ, you know it ain’t easy" ("The Ballad Of John and Yoko").

This evening I attended a ZOOM meeting. At there, I enjoyed a lecture about the castle once had existed in this Shiso city. About the history/truth the pottery from that castle talked to us... Me, I can remember that I started enjoying walking on the mountain. The mountain is the place once the castle had been there. It is really a great and enigmatic fact that I have been enjoying the place where once a lot of ancient people had lived their lives. I also thought that my life. It can never be longer than 100 years. No way! And the history of "our" lives could last longer than such short lives of us. They last beyond our tiny existences. I remember a Japanese poet, Basho, who had left his poem "The summer grass- It is all that's left of ancient warriors dreams"... I am really grateful for this meeting because every member tells us their precious knowledge. There is a person who faces the history or tradition, and studies steadily and quietly. It embraces me exactly, and also "sets a fire" in me. I have to learn English more... the night went on.

#diary #english #journal #online diary #tumblr diary

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mint-moon25 · 2 years ago

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WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE - ONE OF - ENGLAND's -

GREATEST - WRITER - IN ALL - HISTORY - UNITED -

KINGDOM - LIKE PRINCESS - POCAHANTES BOTH -

DEPARTED - FR FEVER - POCAHANTES AT AGE 24 -

'ROMEO - AND - JULIET'

ADJECTIVE - INCONSTANT - FREQUENTLY -

CHANGING

JULIET - REPLIED - 2 - HER - ROMEO -

'O - SWEAR NOT - BY - THE - MOON - REVISED -

THE - INCONSTANT - MOON - LEST THAT THY -

LOVE - PROVE - LIKEWISE - FREQUENTLY -

CHANGING' - 'PASSIONATELY - THEN LIKE -

THE - COLDNESS - OF - THE - AIR - AGAIN -

BACK - 2 - PASSION - A - CHANGING LOVE' -

MR - ASTRO - BOY - HOW - ARE - YOU -

DOLL FACE - I'LL - BE - SEEING - YOU -

MORNING - THERE - NIGHT - COMING -

2 - ME - WILL - BE - AT - SEOUL KOREA -

7-ELEVEN - 24/7 - HOLIDAYS - CAN'T -

WAIT - 2 - MEET - YOU - HAVE PLANS

GBC - FILMS - PRESENTS -

'COULD - HAVE - BEEN' -

WHAT - IF - DR JOSE RIZAL - CHOSE - KOREAN -

ACUPUNCTURE - 2 B - HIS MEDICAL SPECIALTY -

KOREANS - MURDER - KOREANS - THUS - HE IS -

SAFE - AS - HE - OBSERVES - THEIR - FIGHTING -

LEARNS - GUN POWDER - HIS - SKETCHING -

SKILL - IN - PUBLIC - LICENSED - PERMITS 2 -

HE - SKETCHES - RICH - YOUNG - MALES -

SO - THEY - ASKED - DOES - HE - PAINT & -

HE - IS - BETTER - KOREANS - LOVE - THE -

FINISH - ALL - A - CERTAIN - TIME - AND -

THE - MEAL - IS - FREE - YOUNG - JOSE -

RIZAL - WOULD - HAVE - LOVE - THAT -

STARVING - IN - EUROPE - STARVING -

IN - PILIPINAS - 'COULD - HAVE BEEN' -

THE - LOCATIONS - WE - CHOOSE TO -

BE - I - CHOSE - ASTRO's - CHAN - YES -

EUN-WOO CHAN - AS - THE - YOUNG -

JOSE RIZAL - WE'RE - NOT - EVER XO -

READING - SCRIPT - 4 - EVERYONE KR -

WASTE - OF - TIME - 900 BILLION - X 2 -

PER - HOUR - LIMITED - HRS - DAILY -

6 DAYS - MAX - 1 HOUR - LUNCHES 2 -

PAID - 4 - LUNCH - SAME - AS WORK -

CHAN's - PUBLIC - INTEREST - OUR -

OWN - BEAUTIFUL - KATHRYN BERNARDO -

5'2 FT - CHAN - IS - 6 FT - HIS BEST FRIEND -

EUS-OP - 'A - BUSINESS - PROPOSAL' - YES -

ROMANCE - COMEDY - ACTION - DRAMA -

ADVENTURE - MUSICAL - FILM -

FORGOT - ABOUT - DR JOSE RIZAL's -

STORY - AGAIN - BUT - WE'RE - YES -

CHANGING - HISTORY - HE - WASN'T -

EXECUTED - IN - MANILA - NO MORE -

SQUATTERS - IN - TONDO - 4 - THEY R -

DESCENDANTS - OF - WHO - WATCHED -

DR JOSE RIZAL - EXECUTED - RIFFLE -

SHOTS - NON-BLINDFOLDED - TRUE -

SHOOTINGS - 3 GROSS BOILED EGGS -

HIS - LAST - MEAL - CHOSE - 2 - SEE -

EXECUTION - WHY - PILIPINAS - HAS -

HIS - BODY - PART - SHOT - AT - THEY -

REMOVED - FROM - HIS - BODY - FOR -

LAWS - OF - PILIPINAS - U - MUST -

DO - SURGERY - 4 - HIS - BODY - 2 -

BE - FIT - 4 - HIM - 2 - ENTER - YES -

AGAIN - REMOVING - PARTS - IS 2 -

MAKE - IT - NOT - ALLOWED - YES -

ENTRY - THERE - AGAIN - BUT - TRUE -

THEY - COME - BACK - IN - ANOTHER -

BODY - AS - THAT - SPIRIT - DOES YES -

AN - EXCHANGE - WITH - FULL - TRUE -

MEMORY - THE - PEOPLE - OF - YES -

MANILA - REMOVED - HIS - BODY -

PART - INSTEAD - OF A - BODY HE -

CAN - RETURN - 2 - AS - WE - WILL -

CHANGE - THE - STORY - AS - GUN -

POWDER - EXPLODE - SPANISH - SPEAKING -

SOLDIERS - IN - PILIPINAS - READY - 4 - THE -

LARGEST - FLEETS - OF - SPANISH COMING -

AS - CATHOLICS - GUN - POWDER - AND YES -

EXPLODE - ALL - THOSE - SHIPS - NEVER -

ENDING - GUN POWDER - 2 EXPLODE ALL -

SHIPS - ARRIVING - FR - SPANISH - TRUE -

COUNTRIES - IN - THE - WORLD - MEN -

FOOD - 4 - OUR - MAN - EATING - TRUE -

SHARKS - ALL - PHILIPPINE - FAMILIES -

WITH - GUN - POWDER - READY - YES -

EVERYWHERE - THEY - GO - ALWAYS -

READY - AT - HOME - EVERY - BEACH -

GUN POWDER - READY - 4 - INVASION -

SMALL - BOATS - ARMED - WITH - YES -

GUN POWDER - MORE - HUGE - BATALLION -

SHIPS - COMING - THEY - CAN'T - FIGHT YES -

GUN POWDER - AND - MAN - EATING - TRUE -

PHILIPPINE - SHARKS - FR - PHILIPPINE SEA -

DR JOSE RIZAL - LED - GUN POWDER -

ATTACK - KILLED - EVERY - SPANISH -

SOLDIERS - FANS - OF - THEM - THEIR -

FAMILIES - 100 - BATTALLION - SHIPS -

ARRIVED - SMALL - BOATS - GUN - POWDER -

WARNED - EVERYONE - AS - WE - AIMED OUR -

CANONS - AND - BLEW - THEM - UP - AS THE -

KING - OF - SPAIN - SENT - 250 - MORE - YES -

DEADLY - SHIPS - AS - WE - ADDED - MORE -

CANNONS - AND - MORE - SMALL - SHIPS 2 -

AS - GUN - POWDER - WARNING - WOKE -

ALL - AS - ALL - FAMILIES - HAD - GUN -

POWDER - EVERYWHERE - THEY - WENT -

AND - TODAY - GUN POWDER - WHAT WE -

STILL - CARRY - EVERYWHERE - WE - GO -

AND - ALL - OUR - HOUSES - MANSIONS -

TODAY - HAS - GUN POWDER - AND - YES -

MONUMENTS - 2 - DR JOSE RIZAL - WHO -

LIVED - A - FULL - LIFE - AND - EMILIO -

AGUINALDO - BECAME - 1ST - STILL PH -

THE - YOUNGEST - PRESIDENT - BUT -

NEVER - IMPRISONED - BY - THE USA -

BECAUSE - WE - SHOWED - THEM WE -

ARE - BIBLE - GOD - FIGHTS - 4 - US -

WE - NEVER - NEEDED - GENERAL -

DOUGLAS - MacARTHUR - 2 - TRUE -

RETURN - BECAUSE - IT - WAS - YES -

DR JOSE RIZAL - WHO - RETURNED -

AND - TODAY - PHILIPPINES - WON -

MISS UNIVERSE - 25 TIMES

MISS TOURISM - 25 TIMES

MISS EARTH - 5 TIMES

MISS WORLD - 25 TIMES

AND - THUS - WE - BRING - THIS FILM -

2 - LIFE - WHAT - USA - AND - YES THIS -

WORLD - HOW - THEY - TREAT - OUR -

WOMEN - OUR - PHILIPPINES - THIS -

FILM - ENDS - ALL - THIS - TYRANNY

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zedxspacess · 23 days ago

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Here's part two! A much longer read, and admittedly, a bit more personal and vulnerable

Zack Sabre Jr. and TMDK. To reiterate a previous point, ZSJ is the best technical wrestler of the modern era. All I needed was to watch his match against Danielson at Wrestledream and I was instantly hooked. Watched his entire TV title run, started following his matches and promos in NJPW, went back and watched some of his older work in the indies, and whatever else he was up to this year. Not only is he a great wrestler but he’s absolutely hilarious and knows when to bring levity with the seriousness. This man won the G1 Climax (which hasn’t been won by a foreigner since Kenny Omega), but also did hilarious matches in Baka Gaijin and DDT. He fought Chuck Taylor in a bar. Did a “deathmatch” with Nick Gage. He never stops fostering wrestling wherever he goes, sharing knowledge while also learning new things every day. This is personal to me, but learning about how Zack went to the Philippines and did some seminars, doing indie showcases there just felt so…nice. There’s pictures and vids of Zack casually walking around the streets of my home country and enjoying it! Now Jeff Cobb has a championship from a Filipino indie, not to mention Robbie Eagles of TMDK doing indies there for a few years already means so much.

I also just adore TMDK as a whole. They’re my comfort faction, your honor. Going to old interviews with Shane and Mikey back when they were NOAH tag champs, explaining the history of their scene in western Australian indies is a nice little peak of the wrestling world you never hear about. I just love the entire faction, honestly. It’s an incredibly solid line up, with wrestlers that can cover so many categories and feel like legitimate threats, all while being entertaining to watch. Robbie is so loveable, Shane and Mikey are hilarious, Fujita and Oiwa have so much potential in them they make me feel hopeful for the future. The group are pretty much brothers and I love that for them. Zack winning the IWGP world championship with the G1 climax trophy, celebrating in the ring with TMDK, has been my work computer’s desktop wallpaper for months. Here’s to a successful 2025, Kuya Zack!!

G1 Climax 34. This is the tournament that made me understand why sports fans love championship season and sports analytics. All of the predictions, the discussions of the match results, piecing together what could be the story for the individual wrestlers going into the tournament, I was absolutely hooked and invested. I’ve been checking out the odd NJPW show here and there by the summer, and keeping up with news from reactions of fans I follow online. So I knew a lot of the roster, more familiar with certain wrestlers than others, but I understood all the stories and felt invested with every single one regardless of prior knowledge. The very present hole in the main event card and how every wrestler reacted/acted to that vacancy, from the youth to the vets to the outsiders coming in and making a name. This tournament made me understand and appreciate everyone on the NJPW roster, even House of Torture and their role. There’s not one wrestler that I didn’t find some kind of new admiration in. I came in rooting for Zack, but I found myself screaming for Shingo, Gabe Kidd, Takeshita, Goto, and others. Even Jake Lee, who’s performances I found average to dull, managed to endear himself to me just from the interactions and story with Gabe Kidd alone. I didn’t know much about Yuya Uemura before the G1 but honestly? He became my favorite of the Reiwa Musketeers from the pure heart of his performances and solid fundamentals that you don’t see too many new wrestlers highlight. It really broke my heart when he got injured because I was so excited for his run.

This helped me solidify my tastes in wrestling presentation. All the stories were solid, with cohesive throughlines that reach the end of the tournament and have repercussions after it. It felt real, even if some parts required suspension of belief, and it made my enjoyment of wrestling that much immersive. And that’s when pro wrestling is best, for me. When I can get lost in it. Stories can naturally form from sports itself when you watch interviews combined with the action, that can be all you need. It doesn’t spoon feed you, doesn’t treat the audience like they’re stupid. When there are hidden meanings and details, it’s all the more satisfying to piece them together on your own or through discussions. The joy in making connections and discovery. It makes me feel crazy after I get done watching a NJPW show (or anything non-mainstream American wrestling tbh), then hop back online to see reactions to American wrestling shows, and there’s people complaining about obtuse/lack of storytelling or have no patience for any story. When frankly, my main criticism of it is how too on the nose the storytelling could be. Anyways, it’s starting to stray from the main point, but fuck man. I love tournaments as a vehicle for storytelling so much.

2000s Ring of Honor and NOAH. Lumping them together because in my mind, they represent similar things, even though it’s kinda cheating because it encompasses a lot of topics and aren’t actually the same. It’s hard to explain what exactly it is that captivates me about this era of wrestling. I hate the kind of person who lives in the nostalgia of the past, tearing down anything modern. I won’t do that here, but I will admit my gassing up of this time could be due to taste/aesthetic preference. The feeling is similar to why I like retro anime/manga/wrestling, but here, it’s more “tangible” in that most of these guys are still active to this day. The atmosphere, from the dingy armories or gyms of ROH to the excellently designed NOAH stages, there’s a lot of character to it. I love the punk rock, diy, feel and attitude of 2000s indies, warts and all. Rebellious but intimate and exciting and feeling like you’re a part of something special, all of these young guys have something to prove. It harkens to small metal/hardcore concerts in bars, cramped and sweaty in a tiny venue, the guy next to you is possibly drunk but you’re all chanting and yelling, striking the metal barriers from the adrenaline of the show. To the low quality cameras and mics, the very amateur and unintentionally hilarious backstage promos, are all very endearing in their own way.

There’s a lot from just the style of in ring work that blows me away, the stiffness and risk taking maneuvers, to the grit, realism, and experimentation. Seeing the younger versions of familiar faces I see in current wrestling and watching them grow and learn their craft, creating their legacies as they go, understanding their journeys and where they came from. It’s not perfect, there’s more stinkers in ROH than people remember because only the good stuff lives in the collective memory. But it’s all a part of the growing pains of these wrestlers. Even the shortcomings of misogyny and homophobia, are interesting in a way that reflects the times, a historical snapshot so we know how we’ve come so far since then (or tragically, haven’t). Despite the unpolished nature of it, the way the talent still shines bright through it and captures the viewer is a testament to the skill of the wrestlers at the time. To think that so many great wrestlers had sharpened their teeth between these two promotions and the indies, it’s astounding. And there’s still so much of NOAH I haven’t watched, legacy ROH title reigns and feuds I haven’t checked out, but it’s exciting and comforting all at the same time.

Honorable mentions, and things to get into in 2025:

Sting’s retirement

Hangman-Swerve feud

STP and Lee Moriarty

Mark Briscoe, Eddie Kingston, Roddy Strong, Samoa Joe

KENTA and Shibata’s NOAH tag team run

Meeting a lot of new friends thanks to wrestling :]

Travelling to so many new places thanks to wrestling

Started making merch thanks to wrestling

Watch more joshi (particularly Sareee)

Watch more DPW

Watch more CMLL

Proper 2000s NOAH deep dive

Proper deep dive of Kenny Omega, Okada, the NJPW 2010s boom

Proper deep dive of Terry Funk; watch more American territories stuff in general.

Watch ZSJ wrestle in person (probably not happening, but I can dream)

Make more merch

---------

Nigel McGuinness. This one is the biggest surprise for me, especially on a personal level. What initially drew me to him wasn’t wrestling, weirdly enough. I knew of him as a commentator by then, laughed at his quips, and heard about how he used to be a wrestler and the legendary Bryan rivalry. But it was hearing him talk candidly about his life in scattered interviews over the years that caught my attention. How he views life, all the crazy things that happened in it, reflecting on it, getting existential and philosophical, was so interesting. Then his documentary. So raw, hurt, vulnerable, and real, including the ugliness, in a way you rarely hear wrestlers (or men) allow themselves to be. I’m not a person who cries easily; honestly, I’m guilty of repressing myself too much. But I did cry like a baby, and just thinking of certain scenes from it or stuff he’s said in interviews is enough to make me tear up. Sometimes I feel dumb for being so emotionally invested. But I think it was a strange perfect storm of timing, to learn about his story when I did, at a particular mental state and distinct phase in my life that I won’t get deep into the weeds on. It’s what I needed to hear, and I just know it wouldn’t have hit me as much if I heard it anywhere else. Suffice it to say, I was hooked onto him before properly analyzing any of his matches. Then you see him work, his technical skills, his deadly lariats, and some of his more sincere promos, and I understood. He had it all, and he deserved it all, but didn’t.

I flew to New York City for the first time, by myself, on a surprise two weeks notice in the middle of a work week, just to see him wrestle. It’s not the most impulsive last minute trip I ever made, but it’s up there. I just felt like I would never get the opportunity to see him wrestle ever again, and I very nearly went to Final Battle on the gut feeling he’d be there, if travel wasn’t so expensive. I walked into that AEW taping in Arthur Ashe, never having been to a stadium before, with a stacked two show card, and I frankly could’ve left after the first Dynamite match and been satisfied. Just to know where he came from, the journey, and where he is now, and the potential for the future; it makes me so happy. Something good can happen in wrestling. I can’t even imagine what it was like for the people I know who had to wait literal decades for this. Gun to my head, you ask me what my favorite 2024 matches are, regardless of skill/in ring work so we’re talking just pure bias, the top 3 are all matches Nigel’s in. Not even the guy who’s following Nigel on this list can claim that. He was one half of my main throughline of watching wrestling this year, and I thought it would be over by the time Grand Slam happened, but it hasn’t. Kinda ironic, he’s been retired almost as long as he’s been active, but he’ll still be keeping my attention in wrestling despite that. Wrestling is real, the people who live in this world, have to walk through it, experience it, feel the effects of it.

Bryan Danielson. I will say it plainly right now, the rest of this list would not exist if it wasn’t for Bryan. I truly believe my wrestling fandom did not start for real until I got into Bryan’s work or listened/read his thoughts on wrestling. It wasn’t really a character or story or angle that got me interested. It was just turning on AEW tv or ppv since December 2023, watching these Bryan matches for a couple of weeks and going, god he’s just so good. Consistently good. And I looked forward to watching him every week. Why is he so good? How do I describe the technical in ring work or analyze the storytelling in the ring to explain it? I started to appreciate ring work and technical wrestling because of him. I listen to him talk about wrestling, how he loves all types from all over the world, recommending wrestlers/matches, wanting to travel the world and meet new people and experience new things while also lending his own wisdom to other wrestlers and propping them up; I’m rambling but I find that to be such a beautiful and pure thing. So genuine and open minded. Keep in mind, I also read Mox’s book and watched his matches, explored Eddie Kingston’s matches and history, around this same time, but it was constantly Bryan who drew my attention. I’ve heard people say the “wrestler who loves wrestling” character is boring, but with Bryan it doesn’t feel that way to me. I don’t know what it is, but his love of the art is so infectious and heartfelt. His curiosity and excitement has never waned no matter how long he’s worked in the business or what obstacles he encountered. I watched old ROH because of him, CMLL, following ZSJ and Nigel’s work, I had the open mind to watch all the Japanese promotions on this list because of him. I haven’t watched modern WWE outside of clips, but I’m willing to watch Bryan’s run. He doesn’t downplay any one type of wrestling and can do them all, from plunder matches, to technical, to sports entertainment.

Just add to that his overall honesty and plain ridiculousness. When he talks about weird topics, his love for books and the environment, it’s not a character or out of attention, that’s just him. He’s a real person. With thoughts and feelings and insecurities. It just solidifies how amazing of a performer he is that he can get into the headspace of being a silly comedy character, exaggerated heel, a bloody avatar of violence, or glorious babyface and completely suck you in. I don’t know how else to word it other than paraphrasing Nigel, as he described Bryan as a man who is unassuming, but has a weird charisma that lies under the surface. No one ever expects it, it’s just lurking there, but it grabs you and doesn’t let go. And it’s what turned him into a phenomenon. My throughline for following wrestling this whole year is centered around him. First time I ever went to Washington state was to see him wrestle what I thought would be the final time in a long time. I spent the majority of the time driving around the forested areas, going to secluded parks, hiking, sitting by a shoreline with sea lions and otters playing in the water, and enjoying food at the local diners. I love regularly going out to nature and just being there, ever since I was a kid, but the peacefulness of the Washington wilderness was something else to behold. It’s understandable why he’s a granola munching environmentalist. That was the mental state I was in, walking into the Tacoma dome. To see him wrestle live and command the crowd with such power is one thing–I was there in St. Louis to see him fight Ospreay after all–but to be in the crowd during a match like he had in Wrestledream 2024? I can’t even begin to describe it. Every single “yes” chant was like a prayer, in the heat of the moment against the viciousness of Moxley and his ruined neck, every utterance of “yes” was the only thing powering him, keeping him alive and fighting. And the utter quiet resignation and acceptance when he lost in the way he did was palpable in the arena, but it made us even more thankful for everything he’s given than if he were to come out victorious. And it’s so Bryan Danielson to request an ending like that, I wouldn’t have it any other way. He attacks everything with such earnestness. And that’s what my soul needs. I’m so tired of irony poisoning, tongue in cheek approaches to art, humor, and looking at life in general. We’re oversaturated with it, and a performer like Bryan is a good respite. When I picture pro wrestling in my mind, everything that encompasses it, the good and bad, and the pure love for it, I picture Bryan.

It's getting to the end of the year, and I decided to write a list for fun. Zed’s favorite things they experienced in wrestling in 2024 (doesn’t have to be from current year), documenting some joys I’ve had this year, discoveries, etc. The order isn’t definitive, but there is a sense of progression, and the stuff written later on is there for a reason.

This will be part one, as I haven't finished writing my thoughts on everything, but I wanted to get this first section out at least.

FMW. It’s history and formation, from Onita’s background with American territory wrestling, taking what he learned about deathmatches and bringing it to Japan in FMW as a way to circumvent his limitations after his injury. He’s a carny POS, but FMW was such an interesting promotion with it’s uniqueness and grit, for better (amazing deathmatch stipulations!) and for worse (terrible injuries). Its creativity when it comes to deathmatch wrestling for both men and women, highfliers thanks to the likes of Hayabusa, is infamous for a reason and are definite must watches. Learning about the relationship between Onita and Terry Funk was unexpectedly sweet, and if I must recommend one match from FMW, it’s of course, the No Rope Exploding Barbed Wire Time Bomb Death Match. This feels so ahead of its time with how “cinematic” it is, while also being just a good wrestling match with heightened emotions and drama.

Wrestle Kingdom 18. First WK I watched, first proper full NJPW show I watched, and it blew me away. Combining the pageantry with solid in ring work is a feeling I don’t think has been replicated in other promotions, not without the lack of trying. From the amazing junior matches, to the tv title, us title, Bryan and Okada, and the main event, it was a great first introduction even though I didn’t have full context for all the matches. I’ve always known about NJPW for years, even before getting into wrestling, through osmosis of following fans of the promotion over the years. In another world, I would’ve gotten into wrestling in the boom of the 2010s and have been a huge NJPW girlie (gender neutral), because it would’ve been so my shit. I’m glad to finally get into it after all this time.

Deadlock Pro Wrestling (promotion and podcast). People like to lambast how modern American indie wrestling is dead, but there’s innovation and interesting things happening all around if you’re willing to look. DPW is one of them. I’ve only checked out a few matches (some of the MxM matches, Roddy vs Fuminori Abe), but I really need to consistently lock into their shows, because they seem so much fun. Their podcast though? A true joy to listen to every week that leaves me stifling laughter at my office desk. This is like the only podcast I don’t skip the patreon shoutouts for, maybe because I might have the humor and soul of a teenage boy and I laugh at every dick joke. Their patreon content reacting to matches or ppvs has also turned me onto matches and shows I either can’t find online, wouldn’t have checked out in the first place, or elevating the experience of watching a match I’ve seen before. They really emulate the feeling of cracking a cold one with the boys and having fun watching wrestling together. SKEEE WOAHHHHHHHH

AEW and ROH ppvs. Just a general umbrella for all those shows, it falls under the same category of me treating those nights like special events, getting good food and snacks, drinks, screaming my head off and liveblogging, having the time of my life no matter what happened during the shows. Summers spent on the back porch with my laptop and speakers out, or winter in my room. This also encompasses all the amazing, crazy moments in the ppvs, from all the Ospreay matches, Sting’s retirement, Swerve’s title reign, the dichotomy of All In and All Out, the crazy high quality of ROH ppvs despite people downplaying the promotion as “it should just be a developmental”. It’s all just a good time, crazy rollercoaster of good wrestling.

CMLL’s Homenaje a Dos Leyendas. Watching/learning about CMLL in general was just an amazing, pleasant delight. The luchadores showing up in AEW immediately caught my eye, and it led to a rabbit hole of me trying to learn more about the history of lucha libre and the promotion. I was so excited for this particular show, and it did not disappoint at all. All the matches on it rocked, with lots of delicious variety of multimans, apuestas, and tag bouts. But the main event of the BCC vs CMLL? It was magical. That match, Dragon vs Blue Panther, and Fantasticamania MX felt like such amazing cultural exchanges/appreciation. I have my criticisms of how CMLL is treated in these cross promotion events as of late, but when they nail it? It’s good. I wish I had the brain power to regularly follow CMLL, the shows I’ve managed to catch are so fun, but as it is, I could barely follow two and a half promotions on the reg. I will go out of my way to seek the matches of guys that have caught my eye like Hechicero and Xelhua.

Fighting Network Rings and Volk Han. Volk Han is the best technical wrestler I have ever seen, full stop. He just is. Zack Sabre Jr is the current best technical wrestler in my opinion, and the best one in modern times, but if we’re talking about all time? On pure skill? Volk Han. The realism of it is what truly grabs me, treating an armbar like it’s a death trap, the use of a points system and rope breaks, the deadly precision when attacking limbs and the viciousness when it comes to pulling on them. It’s so captivating and I’ve rarely seen anything like it in current wrestling. Rings being a half shoot-work promotion definitely helped foster that tone, and I should definitely check out more matches from other members of the roster. This could also be a message for me to explore more shoot style wrestling or straight up mma, though I’m mostly just interested in the grappling aspect and not “legitimate” fighting.

Despe Invitacional. My favorite cross promotional wrestling show of the year. It was just a fun show from top to bottom, showing love for a variety of wrestling styles from comedy to tag matches, death matches and technical wrestling. Not afraid to bring his friends on and have a good time, while also putting on his personal dream matches with amazing in ring work. Hiromu never doing a deathmatch before but bravely powering through the lego spots, and bleeding before the match even starts is just one example of pure joy found in this show. A true cross promotional event where Despe invited wrestlers from the JP indies, DDT, NJPW, etc. and have fun. And the glorious absurdity of that main event is. Wow. Despe really booked himself to wear a jockstrap and have Gedo’s face stuck in a man’s ass and balls. What a king.

#would you believe i got emotional and cried (a little) writing the last two entires #wrestling #txt

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