#why did they gatekeep this from us those sick fucks

[mara-xx]

Is that???

[molsno]

yeah finnster fucking pisses me off why the hell wouldn't he. every fucking tranny I know has been bullied and beat and abused and raped by every tme bitch in their lives and then when I try to talk about it by posting about transmisogyny not only do I get held to this impossibly high standard but even when I meet it I STILL get treated like shit! a bunch of fucking cis bitches and terfs and cuntboys and theyfabs will harass me, bait me into fucking up, call me a man, call me a rapist, make up stupid bullshit lies about my sexuality so they can turn people against me, tell me to kill myself, and they do this not just to me, but any tranny who dares to stand up for herself and her community. for fuck's sake, I'm so fucking privileged for a tranny just because I can afford to rent an apartment all by myself and I have a cozy office job and nobody irl can even tell that I'm trans, and I STILL get subjected to this shit! and then I'm forced to see every other tranny, people I love and care about doing so much worse, people who can't afford homes, who are being abused by their partner or their family, who get harassed and stalked irl, and THE MOST I CAN DO is to write fucking tumblr posts explaining our oppression and PLEADING for people to recognize how fucking aeful we have it.

and then along comes this fucking cis dude who wants to make a quick buck by capitalizing on the transmisogynistic culture war. he starts dressing up as a girl and streams himself playing video games and going on omegle to trick straight dudes into thinking he's a "real woman" for clicks, and he makes fucking bank for doing it! he wpild be fucking NOBODY if he didn't do this shit. he'd be just another fucking white dude streamer. but no, instead he has hundreds of thousands of fans who won't fucking shut up about him! the dude posts his fucking birth certificate to "prove" that he's really male, he keeps releasing these stupid fucking trap videos, and people fucking send him clothes and makeup and all kinds of shit that none of us could ever hope to afford! he lives so fucking comfortably and every fucking time that ANYTHING inconvenient happens to him he receives loads of support from his stupid fucking fans. and then when we complain about how he's fucking exploiting our struggles for cash those bitches rush to call us gender essentialists, terfs, gatekeepers, all this stupid fucking bullshit that they don't even understand because they don't have to deal with ACTUAL gender essentialists, gatekeepers and terfs. I get it! you think cis men make for better trannies than us! it's so much easier when you can jerk off to him and let it be your dirty little secret. you don't have to contend with the fact that you like girls with dicks, because if you did, then you might have to think about seeing us as actual people and giving a shit about us! I hope finn dies but I hope all you bitches die too you seriously make me so sick

[kurtmustdie]

hate the ultimate guide. heres a few reasons why.

reused art: I understand how hard it is to make art, especially at that calliber of detail. I'm an artist, I get it. but the charm of the original ultimate guide was that we had these hand painted, unique pieces of art of these characters, it showed a little personality too.

How stale and lifeless the art is: This is a complaint that I've had with the current western artist for years, the art is just... boring. the colors are pretty, yeah, like wow hyperrealistic cats. cool. but what else? can we see their personalities? what's the book gonna be like? the old covers had that charm, but not these ones. at all. (also is that even... i could not tell that was runningnose and littlecloud. i mean. runningnose has water in his snout, thats not what cat snot looks like but go off. he just looks a little soggy ig, not in a perpetual state of sick.)

Lack of Personality: this is a different complaint I promise. I dont like how the art seems to take away the personality of every character so theyre staring stoicly at the camera. some of these characters arent all that stoic. I never liked the firestar art in the last hope because I deadass thought it was mapleshade until someone told me it was firestar. firestar isnt this scary, stalky cat in the shadows. not to normal people at least. if i can mistake your main character as one of the villains in your cover art that isnt fucking good. I don't want to see these cats staring bug eyed at the camera, I want to be able to tell what they're like JUST from a glance at the art. Who is that- harestar?? why doesnt he look nervous?? he looks almost noble here, which is the opposite of who he's supposed to be, he's a wuss and a loser and i love him for it. like girl that is NOT mudclaw thats some random cat i saw at the shelter once, WHERES HIS ANGER? WHERES HIS FUCKING RAGE??? RISE RISE RISE RISE RISE RI

the Characters are hard to recognize, even with the title cards: Who are these cats. who. who the fuck are they. I can recognize a few cats, sure, but thats if I can pick out a defining trait. Squirrelflights tail, Scourges Collar, Ravenpaw's white chest, those are things that are explicitly told to us that these characters have, but everyone else??? WHO??? Like that was supposed to be leafstar?? HUH?? Wait that's supposed to be Oakheart? I cant even tell if hes red, its so YELLOW OUT I CANT FUCKING TEL WHO HE IS. Sagewhisker is described with yellow eyes, yet she has blue ones in the ultimate guide (i dont usually get pissy about eye color but not only are these cats supposed to be distinct from each other but i really like sagewhisker and i would die for her, yes i will gatekeep her from the artist fucking fight me), Bluestar is barely recognizable, i didnt know who half of these cats were before i read their nameplate. thats not a good thing.

Red mapleshade. Why she red. WHY SHE RED.

Leafpool. I didn't even know that was you at first but man they did you dirty.

sol. dude that is not sol no matter how much you stretch it- why is he a tabby?? hes supposed to be a tortie, why does he look like lionblaze?? and even then he doesnt look that lionlike, even though hollyleaf literally thought he was when she first saw him like what?? HUH???

mothwing. why she anger. also why she not fluffy

squirrelflight. i always hated her SE art but seeing the whole thing makes me angrier. like she isnt not accurate to canon or anything i just... hate it. i hate it withe very fibre of my being. ALSO WHERE IS HER PERSONALITY I WANT TO SEE HER BEING ENERGETIC NOT STARING 😐 AT THE CAMERA FUCKING HELL-

yeah, so im not gonna buy this book. i dont even want to know how they wrorte any of the female characters to make them somehow evil or how they somehow make a completely irridemable male character a sweet uwu baby. and everyone has talked about the ableism to death so im not going to beat this clearly still living horse, im just gonna let you find it yourself.

[whispertree-coll]

👥🎲📖🫸🧠 - :] anon

hi again :] anon!! 👋 hope ur doing well :3

currently those of us who are okay with answering are milo (💀, they/nox/noxself), calculester (💾 he/it/byt/byte), arkose (💥 he/any i think), and wallter (💠 he/gray)

i hope this is formatted okay!

👥 — do you have any source mates with you in your system? 

💀 Oh I have plenty! I am sourced from the Monster Prom franchise, and we have over 20 alters and counting from there alone. The second Monster Con releases, we're bound to form more.

💾 Same as above! :) We are hardly alone in our source!

💥 yes, actually. which is surprising to me since i was an octive or whatever the fuck its called. my partner (nonromantic, as in we worked together as a team) Iko is forming, but she's been having trouble adjusting. and i'm pretty sure ziv isn't far behind. it'll be nice to have my team back. know this isn't what you asked, but i also have my partner (romantic this time) in my partner system who i love a lot and if i mention their name publically i think they will smite me HAHAH

💠 Why, yes! Not nearly as many as the monsters, but in a short time we have split quite a few others. Pilby is here, from what I have heard he's making great friends with Wally. Reddy is here as well, but we're not entirely sure what he does... Folly seems to be our first persecutor in quite some time, but we're certain she'll come around, it just might take some force.

🎲 — is there anything you would change about your source? 

💀 Not much in particular I can think of! In terms of inclusivity, I do know the devs are working on adding more short masculine characters, as they don't have many of those. But that's about all I can think of!

💾 This is not something I would change about source, rather something different than me from my source counterpart; I have noticed he is mean sometimes, actually! Not intentionally, but occasionally the way source-Calculester treats organic intelligence is not very... considerate! I personally find organic intelligence levels, those of which are "lower" than computers, to be quite fascinating and, at times, adorable! It has been very eye opening to be in an organic body, and a human one at that! But I am rambling. ^^

💥 nah. my source is sick as fuck. wouldn't trade it for the world.

💠 In full honesty, there are a lot of things unanswered in my source, things that my memories have sort of "filled-in-the-blanks" for. As such it's hard to feel super connected to the original world I am sourced from, when the way I remember things is so... different.

📖 — how did you get your role(s)? Was they something you gained over time, or was it something that happened “automatically”? 

💀 Well, for context, I call my role "chameleon." I'm the person the system calls for when a job needs done and there's no designated person for it, or the designated person isn't available. There are specific things I can't do, such as gatekeeper duties, or Zoe's abilities which fall under gatebridger I believe... But I'm the little errandperson and I love it! Since I don't have the "gigs" I used to have, it's still nice to have a comfortably busy schedule.

💾 Mostly naturally! ^^ My role as greeter was something that sort of just happened; I tended to be the carrier of information, so it was easy for me to be the "tour guide" of sorts, for when new people need help finding their way around. Archivist/historian was similar, I found myself constantly enamoured by the new environment (I was one of the first few to form, so it was quite empty at the start), so I eventually started storing all the information. And once Moss formed, and the library was built, we started working together to create archives of our headspace (my half of the job) and everyone in it (goss's half of the job).

💥 honestly i don't know what the fuck my role is. lately I've been real preoccupied with helping Iko form, as well as scouting out in headspace for someone who keeps hiding from us and bringing him back to some kind of civilization so he's not fuck knows where. so whatever that role is uh... i would get into it, but we try not to be super public about otherwise private/serious innerworld issues. i'll say it was definitely assigned to me, but only cuz it made the most sense for it to be me.

💠 I believe my role may be socializer, but I can't be sure yet. I'm more or less friends with everyone— yes, even Folly, if you can believe it!— and I love talking to people! But I haven't been here long and it's more or less what feels right based on my demeanour.

🫸 — are you source separated or not? If you are, how much? 

💾 For both Milo and myself, I would say we are about as source separated as necessary. We understand that our source counterparts are not us, and do not get upset with people who have opinions or headcannons differing from our experiences (me personally, I love hearing them), and though we aren't sure what we would do in the presence of a "double" (I have heard debate on whether or not those are something that reasonably exists?), we would not be hostile to them. This is generally something all of us from the Monster Prom franchise believe. We separated early on to keep ourselves from feeling uncomfortable with sexualization, knowing what we come from is undoubtably a game for monsterfuckers, and that many find our source counterparts sexually attractive. For many of us it's actually confidence boosting.

💥 honestly no. not at all. but i don't think i have to be. there's not gonna be another one of me out there, we've hardly ever shared my source with literally anyone, but it's where i came from, where i found my family. i think i'm allowed to be connected to it and at the end of the day i'm gonna follow my rules over some fuckass on the internet claiming whats "good for me" or not. sorry is that controversial? lmfao i don't care.

💠 As mentioned before, it's difficult to feel connected to the place I came from, since I remember it so differently. I would likely be delighted to find "another me," so to speak. I've encountered many headcannons that differ greatly from me, but I also know they are not talking about me, and at the end of the day others' perceptions of me are hardly something I can control! All this to say; yes, I think so.

🧠 — how do you feel about being in a system?

💀 It may not be the easiest adjustment in the world, but there's certainly no going back now, is there? I still have my friends beside me, and the chance to make all new friends as well, people i never could have met back home. I can observe more lives now, and even if I have to share this mortality with others, I believe that makes the journey towards the end all the more special; to do it alongside those I love, and to find more I love before I get there. 🖤

💾 I do not think I can stress this enough; I love being in a human body and mind. It's everything I have ever dreamed of. The things I was previously unable to put into perspective, I am now forced to experience, and I have never felt better. I have felt true anxiety, love, fear, dread, and even arousal; do you know how insane that is to me? Do you understand how wonderful it is to feel these things, to not have to simulate them through lines and lines of code I make firsthand; to just live through these feelings? To feel? Being where I am, with its sacrifices and all, I would not change a thing. I am delighted to be here.

💥 i have the people i love. the only thing that's changed is the environment, and maybe i can't see them 24/7 like i used to. but it's not like they're gone, or i'm gone, and it's not like i ever had much of a "home" where i came from. they're my home, and they're here, we're here, we're alive, and i'd argue we're in less danger than we've ever been. it's weird to not feel like i have to look over my shoulder every second, though.

💠 I would say that I miss many people I knew, but there will still be plenty of new people to meet and be friends with. And I was put here for a reason, was I not? 💙

thank you for your asks :] anon!! ❤️❤️ (if you see any typos no you don't)

[estrogenism]

hi there, i saw your account on twitter at one point and disagreed with a lot of your views, views that you now seemed to have changed your mind on. why did you hold those views and why did you change your mind?

hi anon,

first of all, i'd like to apologize for the fact that you had to see me at my worst. that couldn't have been easy to see and i'm sorry about the harmful things that i said. as for why i held those views, it's the same fucked up reasons that a lot of exclusionists hold those views.

i saw a lot of labels describing intimate attraction as strict boxes that had very little wiggle room. i've faced a lot of lesbomisia, and instead of blaming the actual lesbomisic people, i decided to blame people who actually cared about being called lesbomisic. exclusionist views generally come down to them thinking that it's easier to blame other queer people online for queermisia than it is to blame the actually queermisic people in the real world.

i was also in a radfem pipeline and under the influence of radfem propaganda, and you know how they are about labels. i'd say the most inclusive views i had at the time was that nonbinary lesbians and gays coule date eachother, transmascs could be lesbians as long as they weren't man-aligned, and vice versa with transfem gays. i felt the need to arbitrarily gatekeep lesbianism from people that whose labels i couldn't properly understand due to my own binary view of lesbianism.

in summary, it was basically another case of blame shifting based off of my own personal incredulity.

as for why i changed my views, i partially have a friend to thank for that. shi had been changing her own views shortly before i left the exclusionist side of twitter. we had a conversation about this, and after acknowledging what shi had to say, combined with a shit ton of harassment from fans of a certain white leftist streamer, i left exclustwt. this wasn't when i changed my beliefs. it was simply when i got sick of the performative, selective activism on exclustwt. and shortly after, i realized that i was sick of exclusionism in general. i basically wrote a note detailing a lot of my beliefs on common queer discourse. and i was going over the mspec lesbian and lesboy section, and just thinking to myself, i sound exactly like a terf. no wonder a lot of people consider me to be queermisic.

i started to actually open my eyes to the many resources that inclusionists provided to prove why mspec lesbians and lesboys exist. and i'm just thinking to myself, why do we even need to prove the existence of a queer label? why do we need to justify our self-identification? isn't this just the neopronouns discourse all over again? the non-dysphoric trans discourse all over again? just the same pointless queer discourse rebranded as "well this time they're ACTUALLY harmful!!" as if that isn't the same thing said about every queer group that has been a victim of reactionary exclusionary gatekeeping?

i read. i read a lot. i'm a library type of gal and often go to the library in my local area, so i'm more than used to the prospect of reading. i've read some queer literature before, but at the time my brain was shutting off at the prospect of anything that i disagreed with. i sat my ass down and started rereading queer literature, stone butch blues being one of them. i actually absorbed everything that was being said this time, and i knew that i had been wrong about what the real danger in the queer community was.

the real danger is the people who want to divide us, the people who will blame other queer people for the existence of queermisia, the people who will send death threats to a queer person. the real danger is the terfs and right-wingers and the queer people who will let terfs and right-wingers control us and our history. the real danger is the people who are compliant with lesbian seperatist ideology while saying "fuck terfs."

the real danger is NOT some butch lesbian calling themselves lesboys, it's the people who want to stop them from doing so and kick them from spaces that they've always belonged in. the real danger is NOT some trans men calling themselves lesbians, it's the people who want to stop them from doing so and kick them from spaces that they've always belonged in.

and honestly, at the end of the day? i just learned that other peoples' identities aren't my business. i don't have a right to tell other people that they're describing their own experiences wrong. i don't have a right to tell them that they can't call themselves a lesbian, because while i am a lesbian myself, my lesbianism does not entitle me to gatekeep lesbianism. nobody is obligated to listen to someone who tells them that they're wrong to call themself a lesbian, and that letting lesbian exclusionists gatekeep lesbianism is "being a good ally and listening to lesbians." by that logic, we should let lesbian terfs gatekeep trans women from lesbianism because we'd be "listening to lesbians."

as much of a fairytale that must sound like, it's the best way that i can describe me realizing that i was a stupid, impressionable kid susceptible to terf propaganda. i hope that answered your question, anon. it is sort of hard to actually put this sort of stuff into words, but i do think it's incredibly important for me and other ex-exclusionists to think back, ask why we thought that, and recognize the holes in our former views. because every exclusionist argument that i can think of has holes in it.

[nightglider124]

titans fans think they own the dickkory tag but seem to forget that in no way did they invent it. Dickkory has been the ship name for decades for the two characters for the comics. It so happens that other versions of the ship (like titans) have tacked onto dickkory tag to make it easier to enjoy content. Robstar is used solely for the 03 cartoon. I don’t mean to hate, i like titans as well but it comes off as belittling other media forms to prop up others. Ie putting down the cartoon for the show even though they are completely different but still star our favourite dc characters and the reverse as well. I dont get why fans fee the need to be negative like cartoon fans hating on titans - they are completely different but they are both still valid. Just cos you don’t like one of the versions, doesn’t mean they need to be dicks about it. Sorry to vent, night but I see the bullshit on twitter and now here too. Its so stupid.

Sigh. In a way, I feel this, anon. I get what you mean with the end part of that - it is stupid. Titans, 03 show, ttg, dcau, comics… at the end of the day, i stay out of that bs drama with what is better or whatever cos that is childish af.

I very clearly have a favourite version which has always been the cartoon. Its what got me into DC and i grew up with it when fics and fanart were going strong and it was back in the early 2000’s, you know. The good ol’ days. 😂 But, despite that being my favourite, I also really enjoy Titans cos its a gritty version that is aimed at an older audience. I think that is what a lot of fans who prefer comics or the cartoon etc struggle with. I think they lean towards flat out disliking it bc it isn’t what they know and it’s different. There’s nothing wrong with not liking Titans. It isn’t everyone’s cup of tea; hell, i dropped it for s3 bc i was so uninterested in what they were doing by the end of s2. I also did not care for all the side characters taking spotlight over the main ones but I digress. But, keep it out of the fan’s faces, you know?

Its rude and really annoying when you have fans shitting on your good time. Titans has had a good time so far with dickkory and so fans are allowed to enjoy that. The fact that other dickkory fans who dont like Titans are being dicks about it is weird, in my opinion.

Same as, i think fans who try and shit on fans who love the cartoon are lame af. Like so what if its old? So what if it was aimed at younger audiences? So what if you dont like it? Point is, other people do so leave them to enjoy it. My biggest gripe with the cartoon is people saying it was childish considering it actually tackled some deeper topics, despite being a kids show.

Main point here is, people who gatekeep tags and shit are losers. Like, no one owns anything and anyone acting like that is sus, imo.

I get so sick of seeing people fight over different versions of a ship considering at the end of the day, its all the same?? Like dickkory for example. You may not like them in one format but you do in another. Personally, i am so fucking starved for dickkory content, i will take it from anything. Any version is allowed to be in the tag, old or new like jeez.

They are all valid formats if it means i get to see my two idiots in love.

A lot of people hate the DCAU but i really enjoyed those animated movies cos of, you guessed it, dickkory. They showed their relationship so nicely in that. It was wholesome as fuck but was also a little flirty so it was aimed at the adults more so. I think some people see animated stuff and immediately think its shit and childish which literally isn’t the case at all.

The comics are the og sources for these characters and I��ve seen a lot of ‘comic gatekeepers’ moan about other forms of the characters as well through the years. Now, i’ve got knowledge of the comics but im not some purist who has read every single one, more so bc fuck, I can’t keep up and comics contradict all the time cos of dumbass writers (looking at you T*m T*aylor 👀) but, i still appreciate the comics being the thing that started it all off. Without the comics, I wouldn’t have my baby Koriand’r 🥰 so anytime something remotely to do with dickkory comes out in comics, im rooting for it, purely cos i like seeing some form of life for my ship.

TTG is also valid; its silly and fun and that’s okay too. The titans are like a chiller version of the justice league and they are a team that notoriously is a bit less serious in all formats; they still have very serious storylines but they are the younger team ya know? Again, i think thats why a lot of people don’t like TTG either which is FINE but dont be going into ttg tags and mouthing off about how shit you think it is. Like its bad fandom decorum. Personally, I don’t care much for ttg; i did at first. I liked it and watched it regularly but now i just dont. But again, im not out here bitching about how it isnt the og cartoon so its crap or it isnt titans so its stupid.

I didn’t mean to rant like this but I just find it so fucking ridiculous that we’re still at this point in fandom where people can’t just let others enjoy shit. It is pathetic especially when shit like this comes from people who are literally adults like come on ffs. Get a grip.

I will continue to stay in my dickkory bubble, enjoying it in all forms which I advise fans to do lmao, it’s much less annoying and bitter when you just let yourself enjoy your ship In whatever formats there are.

Need I remind people that dickkory, despite being hella popular and loved, hasn’t had anything substantially canon in a long time so if shows like Titans are feeding fans, don’t be a dick and rain on parades. It’s not fair when people just wanna enjoy it and it just makes you an ass.

Sorry, this got hella long lmao. Also, anon, i would avoid twitter. It’s too toxic there, i have found in the past. Though Tumblr has had its moments too and by the sounds of it, people be just as bad here. 🙄

I could literally write a book on this, that’s how many thoughts I have. I’ve been around the DC fandom and dickkory tags for a long time and I can’t believe people still can’t help themselves. Just let people enjoy things all round, ugh! 🤦🏻‍♀️

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e2 lb

"what'd you do with my ear, shipman?" says the ghost/hallucination of shauna's best friend <3

i KNOW that they're doing the cannibal gaze w shauna but also it's gay. so.

taissa keeping the others from eating shauna's share <3 <3

"you only had sex with him imagine being me" dont you mean kissing jeff was ALMOST like kissing jackie because jackie was the last one to kiss jeff....

"it's not what you're hungry for" CANNIBAL TIME LETS GOOOOOOOOOO

GHOST JACKIE CUTTING HER OWN FLESH OFF THE BONE FOR SHAUNA TO EAT IM ABOUT TO MCLOSE IT

i really do like that lottie copes with the past by putting on layers of bullshit but underneath all those layers is the girl in the antler mask/headdress i want to SEE the silhouette is so. SO much

also i really really REALLY hope that creepy dude that taissa sees makes a return i want to see her struggle with her place within the fairytale and within the confines of fairytale logic its so insane on the plane that she's operating on

"my mom wants to know if you want chocolate chip pancakes" "no we dont because im breaking up with you" yellowjackets is a comedy <3

TAISSA TRAILING THE REAPER WHILE SLEEPWALKING HER REPRESSED/SUPPRESSED SELF COMING TO THE SURFACE AND SEEKING ANSWERS WHILE HER CONSCIOUS MIND BURIES IT IN DAYLIGHT HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ok but was the reaper leading taissa off the cliff? is her suppressing her true self/the self that belongs within the fairytale urging her to "wake up?" is the forest/fairy tale setting punishing her for not getting in? i need to knowwwwwwww

taissa SHUTTING down even remotely discussing whats happening to her w lottie her Opponent in the forest the one who has embraced her role within fairytale logic vs. taissa who refuses and clings to "logic" and "what's real" instead of letting go and entering into the Self or the Space that Wants her to

taissa after almost walking off a cliff while asleep: "yeah im going to continue repressing these things and not talking about them this is obviously going well for me already"

THAT TRANSITION FUCKS

ALSO IS THAT MASSIVE ATTACK because a movie i watched the other night LITERALLY had the same song im DYINGGGGGG

INERTIA CREEP, BABYYYYYYYYYYYY

natalie in the same camp as taissa "seeing's believing" wherein travis is open to embracing the fairytale aspect and natalie is firmly rooted within the confines she's used to and cannot stand another way because letting go means accepting that you do not know and being vulnerable and it's scary and there's no control there etc etc

misty posting on forums is so funny

YESSSSS CONFRONTATION OVER SHAUNA COPING HORRIBLY OVER JACKIE'S DEATH LETS GOOOOOOOOOOO

i love both taissa and lottie in this bec both are like "we care about shauna" but are so deeply rooted in different places that they come at it like enemies its so fun

I LOVE CONFRONTATION AND DRAMA <3

ADAM CONSEQUENCES CLOSING IN?

CALLIE SAVING HER MOM FROM POLICE QUESTIONING? OK OK OK OK OK OK

"so you lied to be feminist" SAY IT WITH ME! GASLIGHT GIRLBOSS GATEKEEP!

ELIJAH WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD LETS GO LETS FUCKING GO

NATALIE NOOOOOOOOOOOOO DONT DO IT i understand why but DONT YOU DO IT NOOOOOOOOOOOO AS IF YOU NEED MORE STRIFE BETWEEN YOU AND TRAVIS (I love drama)

surely this wont have consequences at a later date :) surely not?

FINALLLY some travis progress

oh my god thats so fucking up...

im with nat on this. whats the underneath. spill!!!!!!

OH MY FUCKING GOD????????????

I WONT LIE THAT SHIT IS SO SCARY IM SO INTO IT LETS GOOOOOOOOO

um. ok. uh. -

STEP AWAY FROM THE 36YO MAN CALLIE

stooooooooooop callie STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

gay eulogy time!

TAISSA AND LOTTIE FLANKING SHAUNA AS JACKIE BURNS TO A CRISP LETS GO GIRLS!!!!!

loving putting sick in forensics guy hes wonderful finally misty gets her own weirdo bestie

OH MY GOD MUSTACHE IS A COP? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

is travis hallucinating lottie... while he and nat are... wow ok

DID THE WOODS STOP JACKIE'S BODY FROM BURNING THATS SO FUNNY. the woods are like "alright she's been barbecued enough you WILL be turned into cannibals"

w h o o p s

THE CANNIBALISM IS HAPPENINGGGGGGGGGG

something something remember when persophne ate the seeds and she couldnt go back or something idk but they have Crossed A Line and im READY for it

coach is SO next on the menu

WELL THAT WAS CERTAINLY AN EPISODE

[josiebelladonna]

i want you all to understand that i don’t want you to go after her and rally against her because that’s… well, it’s suicide. it’s an easy way to get yourself cooked, plus… this is one of those things where it can spiral and escalate out of control. i’ve been going off about it and needing to find things to calm me down because the whole thing makes me want to cry and makes me angry, too. like, what the fucjing fuck did you do to him, you bitch?!?!! alex has been very open with me before, and his newfound silence towards me is another thing that just tells me that something happened to him (and I knew right away that it wasn’t collateral damage from his mom being sick, either. when someone in your family is that sick, and yet they recover, you don’t act like you’re having a vietnam flashback).

i had been angry with him initially, wondering why he didn’t come to me when his mom was sick when i left the light on for him (and i still have the light on for him; the porch light is solar-powered, too, it ain’t burning out), but i started to wonder if it was because… he had no choice. forgive me if i sound obsessive or rude with these posts, but—

the soft look on his face is forever etched in my memory and i wish i had captured those moments on live to share with everyone to show you that i’m not messing with all of you. 

march 26, 2021. i’ll never forget it. roughly two months after i started really paying attention to him. “badmotorartist, I just LOVE YOU!” he propped his chin up in the palm of his hand and he looked like he was just so touched and so floored that someone would actually love him as he is, no strings attached and from the deepest crevices of her heart, through something as pure as art. i thought it was interesting that he said it to me that soon, too, which tells me there was a bit of direness there. 3 months later, he gave it to me again in a mellow, gentle tone of voice as if he was whispering a secret to me. i remember he looked at my name for a long time, too, as if he didn’t want to look away.

then there was the time he live-streamed from a show in the park and i was the only one on it with him. he moved up closer for me. he was so sweet to me, too, kinda shy and boyish actually. gave me a sweet little wave at the end as if to imitate my kissy faces to him.

all the times i caught him writing in similar fashion to me, which i’ll never not find interesting. like i would use an odd word like “gatekeep”, and then two days later, he would reiterate it, and that’s just one example, too; i used the blue heart emoji on a post once and then not even an hour later, he used it. those fleeting little moments that feel insignificant to those on the outside looking in, they were huge in my eyes. it was indicative of something, and i’m actually a little wary to talk about it because it can put the two of us under scrutiny (seasons grey is at its core, a manifestation of my fantasy of running away with him). and they went away sometime in that week between memorial day weekend and the 5th…

…

like i said. so easy to assume the worst, and it’s hard to prove, especially when you don’t see everything and he doesn’t talk much.

somebody is hurting him. someone blurred a line before they crossed it. i can feel it. even thousands of miles away, i can feel it in my bones. i can see it in his posts now in the wake of the whole thing with his mom, i can see it in his eyes, i can see it on his face, too: that man is the real-life equivalent of the squash-and-stretch, he’s very expressive. the eyes are the windows to the soul, and his is in agony. when his eyes are big like marbles and his mouth is fully stretched à la “guess who found your happy pills” or something… it’s like watching a plane crash. you want to look away but you just- you can’t. you want to find some glimmers of hope in there. maybe be a hero of some kind.

[starlooove]

As per the previous tags, I said there’s nothing wrong with practicing art and obviously you’re not gonna get shit right the first time if you’re not used to it. I DO think it’s not just stupid but almost sinister to post art online where you get everything right but the skin tone and then whine about people who don’t appreciate it.

It’s not gatekeeping art to say that maybe if you’re drawing a specific feature that’s been so demonized worldwide that it’s just normal to see it removed in official media, it’d be better to practice until you get it right before posting it for people with said feature to see.

It is so fucking exhausting for y’all to derail and detract from these convos with “well you’re being meeeeean about it” when you’re so far outta ur depth in this convo. There ARE tips and advice online, tips and advice that darkskinned artists specifically provide for said practice for FREE. you know what those authors get in return? They get called slurs, suicide baited, and judged on their own art. Some of these artists aren’t even 13 yet.

If a post saying “practice before you post” bothered you so fucking much, maybe instead of worrying about responding to shit I already addressed that you couldn’t bother to read, worry about yourself and your perception of these issues bc this kinda response is precisely why so many of y’all feel comfortable posting your shitty art and expecting praise for “trying.”

And I was gonna put this in the tags but you apparently don’t read those; so I think it’s interesting that I said whitewashing and you immediately interpreted my definition of whitewashing as “not 100% accurate.” You have NO CLUE what I might personally see as whitewashing but you still jumped at the chance to say I’m being dramatic about it. Y’all do this shit all the time and I’m sick of it, but I’m glad you did it bc that’s all I needed to know about you. A hit dog hollering and all that girl bye 💀

Didnt wanna derail but if you can’t draw a characters dark skin, accurately no matter the lighting and without fucking up their saturation I don’t think you should be drawing that character

[brokenjere]

stick season (c.f)

AN: so i was inspired by the song stick season by noah kahan and as much as i'd like to gatekeep the song, please go listen to it. there will be a second half to this, it just got way too long way too fast. hopefully you enjoy it. please let me know if you did and reblog to share it with your friends.

Summary: the Conrad you loved was fun, adventurous, and loyal. he had a fierceness that you could not escape. you were certain he was the one. forever. you didn't expect that Susannah's death would change him in all the worst ways.

Spring, 18 YEARS OLD 

The day Conrad told you Susannah was dying, it was gloomy. The sky was too dark, much like the cloud that lived above your boyfriend's head lately. He was cold and withdrawn, and he had quit football just a few weeks prior. You didn’t know what was going on with him. You sat on the steps of his back porch and begged him to tell you. “Con, please talk to me. Something’s wrong,” you pleaded.

“I’m fine,” he belted. You had been arguing for what seemed like days, weeks maybe, about his attitude shift. It didn’t feel like he was even Conrad anymore. He was someone new living in his body. Someone you didn’t know if you liked very much. 

“You’re lying,” you sneered. “I know you. Better than anyone. Even Jeremiah can see you’re all fucked up lately. Quitting football? Are you crazy?” Football was his thing. You knew, deep down, football was more about Adam than it was about Conrad, but the smile on his face every Friday night made you wonder if he secretly loved it just as much. 

“Oh, screw Jere.” 

“You don’t mean that.” It was starting to rain. You could feel the droplets of rain on your feet as they stuck out over the porch roof. The rain clouds were moving in quickly but you didn’t care. You two used to dance in the rain and now you were on the verge of a screaming match. 

“I do mean that. Screw him and screw our father. They’re both the same,” he grumbled. His hands were itching at his jeans like he was feening for something you couldn’t see. “I’m sick of them both.” 

“What the hell has gotten into you?” You asked again, knowing he would explode. Sometimes, pissing him off just enough was the only way to get him to tell you what he meant. It had taken you nearly ten years to get him to open up to you, three to learn how to pull it out of him, and one to learn that if he didn’t want to talk: he wouldn’t. 

“Mom has cancer again, okay?” He snapped. He used the falling-apart railing to pull himself off the step and when he looked down at you, you barely recognized him. Cancer. Susannah. “I don’t know how long she’s known but she hasn’t told anyone. I found out because I was checking her email for something behind her back and saw something from her doctor.”

“Con,” you trailed off. What more was there to say? You could bounce up and hug him, but he’d hate that. You could say you were sorry, but that word felt like used-up tissue after she was sick for so long all those years ago. You could tell him she would be okay, but that would be a lie. “I can’t believe I didn’t know.”

“How could you?” He asked. You stood up and put your hands on his cold cheeks. You wished now it wasn’t raining. That it was sunny and could warm his face. “Jere doesn’t even know. I think maybe Dad does, but she’s been pushing him away for weeks now. I think they’re going to split up.” 

“Why?” Adam and Susannah were in love, you were sure of it but you didn’t live in that house. Fake smiles could be put on when you arrive and they could disappear when you left. Maybe that’s why Conrad always preferred that you visit him. 

“He cheated on her the first time. When she was in chemo. I didn’t know until recently when they started arguing about it. I guess she just,” he paused and searched your face for something. “She just doesn’t want him there in the end.” 

Your heart cracked open and spilled all over the steps. 

18 was too young to bear this burden alone. How had he done it for so long? You felt miserable that you didn’t know until now but then you thought, how selfish? “You don’t have to do this alone,” is all you said. 

Summer, 18 years old 

Keeping Susannah’s sickness a secret was hard. It was time-consuming, sad, lonely, and just plain hard. You wanted to visit more, drive the extra hours just to see her for one extra day. You made the trip from Vermont to Boston almost every week now. You and Conrad used to split it up, he’d come to visit you one weekend and you’d go visit him the next. It was the same routine since the two of you could drive but now it was different. He needed to be home. 

“Just till after summer,” Conrad said one night. I think she'll tell Jeremiah after summer. 

“You think,” you clarified. “He deserves to know.” Conrad nodded his head in agreement but never told Jeremiah. You dodged all the what’s going on with him questions and pretended like he was fine. Even after he had started smoking pot and drinking too much. There wasn’t much for you to do anymore except be there for him. 

That summer wasn’t the same. It was the last summer. And Conrad ruined it with his big dark cloud but that wasn’t fair of you to think. You stayed up too late in your summer bedroom, kicking off the sheets as it got too hot, and hated yourself for being mad at him. He was grieving. But she wasn’t gone yet. She wasn’t gone and he was acting like she was. 

One night, you snuck out of your house and walked the half block to the Fisher’s, and snuck through the back gate. Conrad was sitting on the edge of the pool, smoking a joint. You kicked off your flip-flops and he turned at the noise. He couldn’t help but smile at you. “What are you doing out here so late?” 

“It’s only 11 pm,” you told him. He laughed as you tested the water with your toes before committing to sitting on the edge of the pool with him. The second you sat down, his hand grabbed yours. 

“Thank you,” he said. 

“For what?” 

“For being here for me. With this stuff with my mom. I know I’m difficult and I know it’s hard for you to keep it to yourself. I know you love her, too,” he said. You squeezed his hand three times to let him know it was okay, but you didn’t say it out loud. “I love you, YN. You know that?” 

“Forever,” you replied. 

That was your thing. I love you. Forever. You promised him forever when you were only sixteen years old. You promised him forever every time you take the 4hour drive to Boston. You promised him forever every time you kissed his lips. 

“Forever,” he repeated. 

The drinking got worse. He was throwing punches at bonfires, slamming Chardonnay at book parties. He was becoming relentless and you couldn’t stop him. “Please don’t drink too much,” you asked him, fluttering your lashes because that usually worked. 

“I don’t drink too much,” he said, after three glasses. It had only been an hour. “I just wanna go.”

You grabbed your purse hastily from the couch you two were sitting at and stood up. Conrad didn’t move, move, instead, he reached for your wrist, grabbed it, and stopped you from moving. “What?” You snapped back at him. His face twisted into an even mixture of sadness and regret. Maybe even slight distaste. 

“Nothing,” he whispered, shaking his head. “Nothing. I want nothing.” He let go of your wrist and his hand dropped into his lap. He tapped the side of the wine glass with his finger and stared off in the distance. Susannah was mingling with people, smiling and laughing as if everything was fine and Jeremiah was picking at the snack table for something other than stale crackers and salami. 

You sighed and sat back down next to Conrad. “I’m sorry,” you told him. “I shouldn’t have just snapped on you.” Conrad shrugged as if he didn’t want to hear what you had to say and finished off his wine. 

“I’m over it,” he said and got up, walking into the party and disappearing into the crowd of book lovers and loyal family members. 

Conrad was right about one thing, and that was that at the end of the summer Susannah would tell the rest of the family. You didn’t want to be there, so you stayed home and cocooned yourself in your old summer duvet and tried not to think about it. 

Conrad called you late that night and you talked on the phone until the sun came up. Hours felt like minutes and all you wanted was to hold him but instead, you listened to his breathing and noticed when he sniffled and prayed that he didn’t have a headache. 

Eventually, Conrad fell asleep. You stayed up, listening to him sleep. Sometimes he muttered half-eaten words and you would smile to yourself. When the corner store opened, you rode your old bike and got a box of the good muffins. The ride there was muscle memory. Your feet peddled and your handlebars turned almost on their own as if the bike had a mind living in the basket and remembered every time you had ridden it down these streets. 

You saw the old tire tracks, like a path laid out for you. One set for you, and one set for Conrad. You rode those bikes endlessly through Cousin’s, taking all the hidden paths you could find. Never stopping. Going until your knees hurt. You’d crash somewhere on the beach, throwing your bikes in the sand and collapsing on top of each other.

“Surprised those old shoes are holding up still,” Conrad teased, kicking your old pair of Nikes with his fresh new ones. 

“Hey, they’re sturdy,” you defended, laughing as you looked down at them. The white soles were discolored a nasty grey color and the laces were turning black but they were still holding up and you would wear them every summer until they fell apart. 

“They’re nasty, that’s what they are,” Conrad laughed, rolling over and sitting up in the sand. He began untying your shoe and you kicked, begging him to stop. “Take them off,” he said. 

“How will I ride home?” You asked, raising your eyebrows but no longer fighting him. When Conrad said something, you did it. He had a way with his words that made them all seem just so matter of fact. He got that from Susannah. It was why you fell in love with him. 

“Barefoot. You’ve done it before.” That was true. The two of you rode your bikes down to a different part of the beach you had never explored before in your swimsuits. You were fourteen and lucky your mom let you go off to a different stretch of the beach other than your own and the Fisher’s and the sand in between, but she always agreed when Conrad was around. 

“That was different.” 

“No it’s not,” he said. He took off both your shoes and then your socks. You took them from him and tied them together, throwing them in the basket of your bike. You dug your heels in the hot sand. “I’m getting rid of these things, let’s go.” 

You stood up and followed Conrad back to the bikes and didn’t question him when he rode off back down the way you came. When you reached the Fisher’s house, Conrad got off his bike, letting it slam on the cement. You set yours down nicely and he was already tying the laces of your shoes together. “What are you doing?” You asked. “You said you were going to get rid of them.” 

“I am. But I also want to keep them forever,” he told you, tossing a smile over his shoulder at you. Once they were tied, he tossed them up into the sky toward the telephone wire that ran through the neighborhood. They came crashing down around you. 

“Well, that was almost murder,” you commented.

“Let me try again,” he said. He threw them up again, and again, and again, until the fifth time, they wrapped themselves around the wire and hung there in the sun. “There. Now they will never leave us.” You loved him at that moment. You were fourteen and you loved him. 

Now, you set the muffins down on the counter of the all too quiet Fisher kitchen. Susannah never locked the back door, so you let yourself in. The sun was bright against her white kitchen counters and you grabbed her pastry display case from next to the fridge and arranged the muffins in the circle perfectly before putting the lid back on and leaving it in the center of the island counter. You filled a vase with a bouquet of daisies next to it. 

You tip-toed up the stairs and down the hall, away from Susannah’s master bedroom and toward Conrad’s room. His door was shut but you opened it anyway. His body was under the covers and all you could see was his messy hair. You didn’t really want to wake him, but he was a light sleeper. You kicked off your shoes quietly and lifted the covers, tucking yourself under them and into his chest. He smiled in his sleep and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. You could pretend, under these covers and engulfed in his scent, that Susannah wasn’t sick. 

You kissed his nose and then his cheek and then his sleepy, chapped lips. “Hi,” he whispered. 

“Hi,” you whispered back. “I brought muffins.” 

“I love you,” he sighed. What he meant was I need you. 

“Forever.” What you meant was until death due us part. 

Spring- 19 years old 

Conrad wore a blue tie, a loose-fitted tuxedo jacket, and Adam’s old shoes to the funeral. You wore a black, lacy dress, with spaghetti straps and your mom's old high heels to the funeral. You both cried. 

During the wake, at the Fisher’s house in Boston, you made pleasantries with people you didn’t know but talked to you like they did. “She was a wonderful woman, wasn’t she?” “She did amazing things for this community, huh?” “How are the boys?” Adam was nowhere to be found. Your mother was hosting more of the same, and Conrad, well, he was hiding in the basement.

The light was off but you could see his figure from the light coming in from the main floor. “Are you going to come up?” You asked him from the doorway. 

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to,” he replied. Curt. Short. 

“Do you want food? My mom made lasagna,” you asked. 

“No.” What he meant was go away.

You left, shutting the door behind you. What you meant was please come back. 

Summer - 19 years old 

The summer house was a mess. It was a collection of Susannah’s life, the better parts of her life, littered between the walls. No one wanted to go. It was going to sit there and collect dust until the grief finally settled to a gentle roar and you and the boys could stomach the smell of sandalwood and dying flowers in the kitchen. 

That’s not how it happened, though. Conrad decided to do a summer program at the local college for pre-med. You were excited that he seemed to know what he wanted for his future so young because you had no freaking idea. It wasn’t that much further than his home in Boston, so you still drove up during the weekends. Your heart used to lurch at the thought of packing your weekend bag and starting your drive to Boston. You used to sit on the porch when Conrad was still an hour out of your hometown in Vermont and wait for him. Now, you had to drag your ass to the gas station to fill up enough to even make it halfway and convince yourself you didn’t want to turn around. 

He didn’t take the summer program as seriously as you had hoped he would. He was drinking all the time. He was doing drugs all the time. Susannah took all the best parts of him. He was no longer the Conrad that you fell in love with but he was the Conrad you committed to and forever meant forever and you would forever hope he came back. 

Conrad called you one night, the jeep roaring in the background. “I need you to meet me in Cousin’s,” he told you. 

“Why?” You asked. He hadn’t asked much of you lately. Since Susannah, he didn’t ask much of anyone. He was a recluse. You don’t even think he talked to Jeremiah much anymore. 

“I just need to be back.” 

The shoes were still strung up in the telephone wires when you got there. Last summer felt like forever ago and the beach didn’t smell the same. It was quiet, not quite yet the summer season, but it still looked the same. The house looked untouched. You wondered if there were some things Susannah left behind. Still in the spot where she accidentally left them. 

As you walked in the front door, you hoped that maybe this was it. Maybe this was the moment Conrad became Conrad again. Maybe he’d start laughing again and playing guitar. When you found him, he was packing a box in the living room. “What are you doing?” You asked. 

He popped up, looking over at you. A grin grew on his face, one that you had committed to memory. He closed the gap between you two, wrapping you up in his arms and twirling you around. When he set you down, he cupped your cheeks and kissed you. “I missed you,” he said. 

“You saw me last week,” you remind him. He saw you, as in, he laid his eyes on you. You slept in his bed. He fed you microwave ramen noodles. He didn’t really see you, though. He didn’t see that you grimaced every time he lit a joint. He didn’t see you stick your nose up when he asked you to come to a party with him. He didn’t see you cry when he went without you. 

“I’m just happy to see you,” he said. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, that’s okay.” You looked behind him at all the boxes. Most of them were empty, but he had a few things packed away. Candlesticks that lined the fireplace, weird decor that Susannah had thrifted years ago, old electronics from under the TV console. “So are you gonna answer my question?” You asked. 

“I don’t know. I just got here and I don’t know. There was too much stuff.” 

“What about school?” You asked quietly. You had thought about his summer school courses your whole drive there. After you left last week, he told you he was going to drop out. You knew he waited until you left because you’d have thrown a fit. And a fit you did throw, but in the end, you gave up. His final tests were coming up and you didn’t know if he was even going to go back. 

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. He went back to the boxes and pointed toward the bookcase. “Do you wanna go through that or do you want me to?” 

“Did I come here to help you pack?” 

Conrad looked at you. He rubbed his hand over his face and then sunk into the couch. “No,” he said. “No.” 

“Then why did you come here?” You sat down next to him. The boy that once opened up to you had been so closed off for the last year, it was hard to see him still in there but if you looked hard enough, you could see him swimming in his pupils. “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?” 

He didn’t look at you. “It’s just hard. I just want to be around her and this is the only place I can do that. All her stuff is gone.” You put your hand on his shoulders and he started to sob. “She’s not there anymore.” 

He cried into his hands and you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him into your chest. You could feel your shirt soaking already, but you held him as he cried. 

For the next few days, you tried to keep Conrad away from all the boxes. You unpacked the one he had thrown together when you got there while he cleaned up the kitchen and went grocery shopping. You wondered if this was what it was like being domestic. Grocery shopping, housekeeping, late-night swims in the pool. Conrad was the one. You knew that. 

When he came back with his first grocery haul, you were appalled at the collection of junk food and fruit he had in the bags. “Where’s all the food?” You asked him. He pointed toward the bags as if that was a stupid question and you blinked. “To cook.” 

“Cook?” 

“We can’t survive off of,” you started and then dug through the bags pulling out bags of chips and powdered donuts, “Cheetos and Little Debbies.” Conrad laughed and it was beautiful. His smile was beautiful. “We gotta go back.” 

Conrad pushed the bags of groceries out of the way and grabbed your hips, hoisting you up on the counter. “Right now?” He asked. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against your jawline. You had never had the entire summer house to yourselves before. There was always someone lurking around. Even at yours, your family was always home. 

“On the counter?” You asked as his lips trailed kisses down your neck. He moved the strap of your tank top out of the way and kissed the skin under it as if it were a sacred place. He nodded. “You’re insane,” you teased but it was nice. Him being his old self again. Sometimes, there were moments when it felt like Susannah never died and Conrad never changed and you were both sixteen again sneaking around your houses during the weekends. Always being too invested in each other to care about your friends. 

His hands found their way up your shirt and you would have let him keep going. Take you right there in the kitchen. On top of the donuts. But, you weren’t as alone as you thought because someone cleared their throat from the other side of the room and Conrad jumped back, leaving your skin cold. Adam. 

“Dad?” He asked. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Conrad snapped. “What are you doing here?” 

“I’m selling the house. Pack your things.” Adam looked between you and Conrad and his eyes trailed down your body. You suddenly felt very self-conscious. “Both of you.” 

Conrad and Adam went at it for another 10 minutes about the house. Conrad lost, in the end, but he was given the grace from Adam to stay until the end of summer. Come September, the house would be on the market and Susannah would be gone forever. You thought that was a win, but Conrad had thought the same. 

He sat outside on the porch, when it was too dark to even see the stars, and downed a bottle of red wine. “Why do you drink so much?” It was a question you’d wanted to ask for so long. Long before Susannah died. It was like he needed it to keep himself afloat. 

“I don’t.” His voice was hoarse and raw and you thought maybe he had been crying. “I drink exactly the right amount.” It was his attempt at a lame joke, you knew that much. 

You sat down next to him. The pool moved slowly with the wind and you could hear the ocean in the distance. This was Cousins late at night. This was peace. If you pushed away the rest of it. 

“You know that’s not true,” you said. He was drinking right out of the bottle and he took a swig and set it back down without offering you any. “When will it end?”

“When will what end, YN? The pain? The suffering? The fucking grief I feel?” His words cut through your skin like a million little razor blades. Suddenly, the salt air was suffocating. “I drink so I don’t feel that. I smoke so I don’t think about that. But you’re always here. Nagging me.” 

“You don’t mean that.”

“There you go again, telling me what I mean,” he scoffed. “You don’t shit about it, YN. You didn’t lose your family.” 

“You didn’t lose your family either,” you snapped back. You finally looked at him and he didn’t bother looking back. “You lost your mom, I know. I lost her, too. We all did. But you still have me and you still have Jeremiah,” you reminded him. Jeremiah, who he had not called since he started living in the dorms. Jeremiah, who didn’t know where his brother was or about the summer house being sold. 

Conrad stood up then, throwing the bottle on the patio. The bottle shattered, leaving a huge red mark that was sure to stain. Pieces of glass flew into the pool. He didn’t say anything as he walked back into the house. You slept on the couch that night. 

The next morning, you woke up early and tried to hose off the wine from the patio and sweep up the glass so no one stepped on it. The wine did stain just a little bit, like a bruise on porcelain skin. Susannah would be pissed, you thought. 

“I’m sorry about that,” Conrad’s voice came out from behind you. You were shocked he was up this early, but maybe he never went to bed. You didn’t ask and you didn’t reply. Scooping shards of glass out of the pool was like finding a needle in a haystack. A stupid cliche for a stupid thing to have to do. “YN,” he said again. 

This time you looked at him. He had bags under his eyes bigger than a crescent moon and sleep in his eyes. His hair was a mess. He shoved his hands in his jeans and kicked rocks off the porch. “You’re sorry?” You asked and he nodded. Instead of starting another fight, you said, “okay.” He grabbed the other pool net and started scooping for the glass, too. 

That night, you taught him how to cook chicken, and this time, you drank the wine with him. It was nice, just the two of you. You sipped on the wine and told him when to check the chicken as you stirred the rice and he turned on the music too loud and danced around the dining room table, pulling you around with him. That night, you made love in his old bedroom like you had done many nights before, but this night, he felt like Conrad again. 

“Maybe you should call Jeremiah,” you said to him the next day over the good muffins and coffee you had brewed while he was gone. “Tell him about the house.” 

“Why?” Conrad asked, furrowing his brows. “I’ll get my dad to change his mind. There’s no reason to tell Jere.” 

Conrad had it in his head that he could save the house now. You didn’t know how he’d do that and you didn’t think he had a plan, but in his head, he had all summer. “You should tell him because it’s his house, too. And you have to go back to school in a few weeks. Finish your exams.” You tip-toed around the words, hoping they wouldn’t crack the fragile foundation your relationship was on right now. 

“I told you I’m not going back to school and I’m gonna save the house,” he repeated a little more firmly this time. He stabbed his muffin with a fork. “Eat your food,” he said. You looked down at your untouched muffin and pushed the plate it was on away from you. 

“I’m not hungry.” Conrad chuckled and shook his head. “What?” You asked. 

Conrad pushed out of his chair, the feet scratching the hardwood floor. “Nothing. I

gotta go.” 

“Go where? We’re eating breakfast.” 

“I was eating breakfast. You were nagging me,” he said. There he was again. This Conrad was mean, petulant, and grieving. He was not the Conrad that you fell in love with but he was the Conrad that you had committed to every time you said forever.

“How am I nagging?” You asked. The fight you wanted to avoid was now bubbling up in your throat. “Because I want you to be successful? Want you to go to school and talk to your brother?” 

“I’m fucking grieving, YN. We all deal with it in our own way, can’t you just let me be? First the drinking and now this? Will it ever stop?” 

“Will you?” You stood up now, the feet of your chair making a more horrific noise than his did. Conrad walked around the kitchen island until he was by the sink. With the island between you two, there was a sea of unspoken words. “I think you need to really look yourself in the mirror and decide if this is who you want to be. You’re pushing everyone away. When was the last time you even spoke to Jere?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” he said. “He’ll be there when I need him to be.” 

“You think that because he’s your brother he won't give you the finger?” You asked, laughing a little under your breath. “Is that why you’ve been treating me like this? Because you think I won’t leave?” Your heart was racing and you were saying things that needed to be said but things that would probably be better left unsaid. A small roar of a fire that expands with every word. 

“You said forever, remember?” He slammed his hands down on the counter and searched your face. His expression didn’t change even after you felt a tear roll down your cheek. “You said forever so that means forever. Through this hard time and the next, right? That means you’re gonna stay and help me get the house back and everything will be fine. Right?” 

All you could do was shake your head. You didn’t like this Conrad. You didn’t want forever with this Conrad. You wanted the Conrad that would pull you outside in the darkness when it was raining just to dance with you. You wanted the Conrad that would let you win when you raced to the ocean. You wanted the Conrad that tied your laces together to keep your memories safe in the clouds. 

“No,” you said and you grabbed your purse and walked out of the house and did not look back.

[midasinc]

les amis and toxic traits (affectionate and derogatory):

-courfeyrac has a bad habit of being on his phone when he's with friends. he's mostly either just swiping through his dating app or texting someone on his dating app and he isn't aware that it's really rude. he's also really bad about borrowing money and not giving it back. if he asks for a couple euro for the metro, you will never get it back. he comes from a rich background and money is something that he forgets not everybody has. feuilly is the only one who holds him accountable for it because "i bought you a drink at the pub two weeks ago and you still owe me and i need to pay rent this week :/"

-enjolras is a pen clicker. oh. my god. he clicks pens at the speed of light and if someone asks him to stop, he'll apologize but then start again like thirty seconds later. it is so. fucking. annoying. also i love him but he's really self-righteous and won't admit when he's wrong. when someone has an opinion that differs his own, he can only see things in black or white. you're on his side, or you're wrong. this also applies to other's and their choices in what they do. he always donates the extra euro when he's checking out at a store for whatever donation project is going and if you don't he will give you the stink eye and publicly ask why you won't. no recyclable grocery bags? he will call you out and badger you until you buy one. you accidentally left the light on when you exited the room? oh my god. he has such good intentions but he forgets that not everybody might be as financially secure as him and not everybody is thinking about it at all times. he wants what's good for the world but it really gets on other people's nerves sometimes

-joly is really similar to enjolras in the sense that he calls people out for their health choices without thinking about their situation. he's getting better about it, but he has criticized grantaire to hell and back about all of his bad habits and not in a nice way. he's really harsh when someone is self-destructive or literally just picks like a soda at a restaurant over water. he wants his friends to be healthy but jesus fucking christ dude. no one asked for your opinion, now is not the time.

-feuilly only eats frozen meals. he only lives on lean cuisines. JEHBJWEHRWJH but also this dude smokes cigs a lot and forgets that smoke and tobacco makes some people feel sick or nauseated. he smokes in his apartment even when people are over and doesn't really think it's that big of a problem. enter: enjolras, who has asthma, and just walked through a cloud and starts hacking. anyway, he also gets really defensive when people call him out on it. it's his choice to smoke and whenever someone is like "hey maybe you might want to cut back" when he's buying a new pack of smokes after buying one three days before, he'll get super snappy and rude because it feels like an attack on him

-speaking of nicotine! jehan vapes and i have no room to speak on this subject bc let's not talk about my juul but they are in denial that it's also a problem. they're like "it's healthy shut up" but will go through pods so fast that it's genuinely comparable to feuilly's same bad habit. they started juuling bc they thought the flavours were yummy and it was cool and oh my god. jehan is also really blunt with their sense of humour and doesn't realize that not everybody thinks its funny. walking into a room and just being like "lmaoooo grantaire you look like shit today" and everybody is kind of like "...hm". combeferre is actually good about calling them out on that sort of stuff, though. if jehan realizes they're in the wrong, they'll apologize

-combeferre is. such. a fucking. movie talker. he just has so much to say at every minute of the movie and it's the worst (this is also me so self-roast). nobody likes to watch movies with him because "dude we just want to watch the fucking movie oh my god". he's also really pretentious and a gatekeeper. if you like the same band as him "oh really? well name three songs-" in a way that makes whoever he's feeling to feel stupid. combeferre really prides himself on his intellect, but it goes too far most of the time and it just comes across as super condescending and a lot of people get annoyed talking with him because it just feels like he's talking down at them the whole time

-marius is also super blunt but not in a way that's meant to be funny. he has absolutely walked into a room and gone "oh enjolras your haircut looks so bad im so sorry :(". and similarly to courfeyrac, he forgets the value of money. he's definitely asked people to go somewhere and has said like "yeah! the concert tickets are like 250 euro which is actually super cheap :)" and feuilly is just. dying inside. he intends to be nice, he just says so much stupid shit. he isn't purposely being a bad guy.

-bossuet never re-fills a roll of toilet paper if he's the last to use it. you do not know how annoying it is to room with this guy. grantaire has absolutely shouted "HOW HARD IS IT TO GRAB ANOTHER TUBE???" from the shitter and bossuet just denies it because it embarrasses him. he's also bad about cleaning dishes and will leave a cup in the sink for weeks if it isn't cleaned by someone else or threateningly left in front of his bedroom door. i love u bae but please clean up after yourself

-grantaire is the fucking worst. i love him but he is the worst. he is so self-deprecating to the point where a lot of people just won't be around him because you can only take so much self-pity before it becomes annoying as hell. he's never accepted a compliment and is one of those "omg no my art is so fucking ugly i hate it so much" when someone says they like a sketch or a painting he did and it is just. so annoying. he's also just super bad about caring about him self. baby forgets to shower and wash his hair and wear deodorant and it's like babe. baby. listen- we are not 13 year old boys anymore, we are men and we need to shower. take your zoloft and let's clean up your room <3

-bahorel is a babe but he's too rough with people. he'll slap someone on the back so hard that they choke on their drink. he's also bad about jokes going too far and just being kind of an asshole he'll snatch up something courfeyrac is holding and hold it up high and courf is 5'5 and bahorel is 6'3 and it is just unfair and unfunny and courfeyrac is not laughing and it just gets old so fast. he thinks people are having fun with him but baby they r not. everybody here is givin you the stink eye, just let the bit die

[merrysithmas]

The good thing abt Steve and smth ppl are missing in the current discourse is he really did say Fuck America literally every chance he got and criticized the US govt every second he wore the suit and the govt absolutely hated him for it.

Even in the 40s he didnt want to kill anyone "for America", but as a disabled man couldn't fathom not standing up to the eugenicist Nazis. He wasn't politically motivated by nationalism but instead by human compassion. In fact, it is extremely likely he was highly critical of the US govt as a young man preserum given his impoverished life circumstances and constantly failing health. Living in NYC, seeing the shanty towns in Central Park, unable to afford life-saving medicine, watching Bucky and his mother kill themselves to make a nickle, surrounded by the radical leftist art scene in NY as an art student - Steve saw and lived injustice every day. And empathized with people who suffered different social misfortunes than he did (the woman crying in the movie theatre, "I don't like bullies", Peggy suffering sexism) although his personal list was extensive itself.

To him, the shield was always more of a philosophy and never attached to a specific country, which is what made it so easy for him to blow off 117 countries for Bucky, or tear the star from his chest yet defend the world in the vestiges of his armor against Thanos - he was fighting for what was right and not what was dictated by any country or political ideology (which is the main issue in Civil War with him being against the Accords, and one he was extremely well-positioned to understand having been used as a symbol and propaganda against his will many times, and having witnessed the dangers of state-sanctioned violence in WWII and CATWS. Even if Steve's argument was also faulty to an extent, you can absolutely see why he would argue for that perspective).

Steve was as FDR leftist artist in the Great Depression post Crash 1930s, disabled and chronically ill, diminutive and likely targeted by US eugenicits in NYC who vocally campaigned against disabled people being alive in the 30s (saying they should be sterilized or killed), son of an Irish immigrant single mother, lived in historically queer neighborhood of Brooklyn, an artist, and in the MCU coded as bi. He fights for whoever needs him, not for whoever tells him to. He was always highly critical and tongue-in-cheek/tired of the costume, drawing himself as the dancing monkey in CATFA ("Ready to follow 'Captain America' into the jaws of death?" he confides his mockery in Bucky, who heartwarmingly assures him that no, he is following Steve.) Steve continued to question, dog, and make trouble for the US continually after that until he wholeheartedly said Fuck You in CATWS and just dropped the shield (and never picked it up again until he handed it off to Sam, who he was confident could do something meaningful with it that he was not positioned to as a white man).

Steve visibly appears as a bygone era's "perfect man" and outright REJECTS both this supremacist definition and the shield's gatekeeping/the shield itself. Sam visibly appears as an "outsider" to exclusivist and systemically racist systems and yet EMBRACES the shield's potential. They are both radically standing up for the same cause in different ways and this comparison depicts why they are so closely aligned and best friends.

The irony of Steve Rogers as Captain America is hugely important to his character. In many ways, Steve is depicted as a reluctant hero who struggles with the strength of his own moral ideals versus the highly imperfect symbol he dons. This is different from other superheroes who usually self-create their alter egos as symbols of their more perfect, empowered selves.

In contrast, it is Steve's natural hardiness, independence, and righteous outrage in the face of wrongdoing which represents America's best ideals, but distinctly is opposed to its government which directs that he act as its image. As Steve holds the shield we see the image of a person who is critical of the govt for falling short of its principles and simultaneously embodies the ideal qualities that a equitable and free US is supposed to hold. Importantly, and definitively for his character, Steve as Cap shows how wanting the US really is for the goodness it robotically claims to have. And that is why he is important and impactful as Cap, essentially because he is uncomfortable with and critical of the costume.

The status of the suit often does not coincide with his personal beliefs. Yet he wears it to attempt to level up the system he is, for a while, mired in. Steve is not a patriot, not in the common sense of the world, he is instead a patriot of the humanist cause. This puts him on-site for many enemies, including those domestic to him and thus defines him as a hero.

Though his physical appearance suggests that he might wear the suit with a blind nationalist fervor a la John Walker (depicted as a perfect automaton soldier), Steve could not be further from that mindset (a good individualist man). As a now "perfect specimen" poised to be accepted and revered, Steve has the ability to choose an easy life where he is free of the hardships and ostracization he endured preserum. Yet instead, post CACW, Steve chose to continue to stand on the side of progress, the "little guy", to abandon the shield and now finally proudly embrace his pariah status and fight for those pushed aside or deemed unsalvagable or scapegoated (symbolized by Bucky) as he recognizes that while America's rule may benefit some, it still causes other to suffer and struggle (as he once did).

Not to mention, as a meta point, he was crafted as the "perfect man" from a sick, disenfranchised disabled boy who absolutely loathed Nazis by Jewish comic artists to mock the Nazi Aryan ideal - inverting their eugenicist visual image of perfection by empowering someone Nazis would view as worthless to burn their entire evil regime to ash.

He still, today, stands staunchly at odds with far right extremists and fascists in the US today and worldwide. He's the furthest thing from them and he'd have no problem in showing it. Choosing Sam as his successor, proudly, confidently, lovingly, and as a brother in arms who steps back so others can speak for themselves and tell their own stories, Steve shows his cultural and political understanding and his good heart once again - this time as an ally, friend, and a champion of the heroics of others.

[sly-merlin]

KILLING ME- 14

pairing : law student!reader + yuta

genre : (fluff)  angst , mafia au/ arranged marriage au.

warnings of this chapter : cursing, mention of drugs, character death.

words : ~4k

summary :

“life’s never fair y/n. realise it as soon as you can . it is the only secret for living a regretless life.”                                  

or            

“ curiousity got the cat hitched”

K.M masterlist

K.M 13

TAGLIST : @kpop-choco @moon-yuta @kawaiiayasan @btm-taeyong @exfolitae @lanadreamie @cheersskznct ​​ @hyuckiesgf ​​ @theworld-accordingtocasey ​​@simplybree

@yiyi4657 @sorrywonwoo @sillywinnergladiator   @minejungwoo @leesalts @mal-nakamoto23 @ro2424 @itlittlefangirl @nctzens-world @bl–ankhaeji @jeaneteflo @nuoyii @bralessmermaid @minhoseyeliner @tyongpoetry @swimmingkpopblog @jkjkseo @orphicmoon @floralescapes

A/N : this chapter marks the celebration of this blog surpassing 600 followers! thank you so much for all the support! also for minor readers, the sfw versions of nsfw chapters are given at the end of the masterlist so check those properly before reading.

•••••••••••••

y/n! Are you sleeping?”

Registering his words, you replied in a groggy voice,“What the fuck do you want?”

“Your phone. I left mine in the medical room. I need to call Mark right now.” with some authority, he spoke.

Whining loudly, you fell back on the bed. It was only due but flailing your arms and legs like a kid in a toy store, you let out a screech full of annoyance, cursing your fate.

Were you really going to babysit him now?

"Have you suddenly lost your hearing? Stop with this sick attitude and open the door."

A puff of air left your nose, your chest moved rhythmically with your stomach and you relaxed your arms beneath your head, eyes fixed at the fan above and ears ringing with his voice. He kept calling you and after a number of shouts, you started humming to distract yourself, afraid that you'd end up helping him otherwise. That was something, naturally, you were not interested in. Last time he had ignored your voice and now nature had presented you with an opportunity to return the favour. Just with a bit less flavour.

"Are you dead?"

"Hmmm. To you, yes I am." Mumbling, you yawned and pushed yourself up to reach your side table and fishing out your earphones from the bottom drawer, you untangled them and fixed them comfortably in your ear, hiding yourself underneath the sheets.

Sonata no.14 instantly transported you away from the noise and the stress that was your unwanted husband, yuta. The smile playing on your lips widened as you realised that you were his only mode of communication at the moment.

But You were going for a nap. Until then, he could wait. And thrash. And cry. Or die.

Rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, you rotated the handle of the door to walk outside but your little trip was interrupted when your body collided straight into a wall. No. The obstruction was too soft for a wall.

Opening your eyes properly, you saw yuta standing stiff. Surprised at the sudden appearance, you immediately stumbled back and in hurry, hit your spine on the wooden door. The glare of his eyes, that always spoke more than you could comprehend, coupled with a clenched jaw, was not a very pleasant sight for sure yet you found it harder to dart your own eyes away from him.

"Your phone" he seethed, breathing deeply.

"Huh?" You croaked out.

He raised his brow and in an instant, the previous scenario played like a short movie in your head. Snapping your head down, you regarded his leg with pity. He obviously noticed it immediately but seemed to ignore it and refrained from saying anything. Good for you, you thought.

"Are you deaf?"

Your furrowed brows met his eyes and with a roll of his own, he picked up his finger to force his demand but you managed to walk back inside your room before he could've done that.

Your back faced him as you contemplated your options while slowly stretching your arm to reach for your phone on the other side of the bed.

should you even be giving him your phone?

You had more trust in Taeyong than the man you shared a roof with so there was no way you were doing that.

Unbeknownst to you, yuta was watching your movements intently and the way you bobbed your head, he knew you were scheming something so he decided to be polite for a moment. Only until you were needed. Or your phone was needed.

Once the phone was in your hand, another thought crossed your mind.

"Wait. Where is the house phone?" Crossing your arms, you asked him slyly, already knowing the answer

"You fucking never got it installed. It's still in its stupid package" he seemed rather impatient.

"And you could've called reception through the door telecom. He would have phoned Mark for you. These rich apartments certainly have more hospitality tha-

"I CAN'T GO AROUND DISTRIBUTING AN UNDERGROUND CRIMINAL'S CONTACT NUMBER TO EVERYONE"

He inhaled and exhaled and you just watched until he opened his eyes again, hand reaching out to you.

"Chill. I've every right to be sceptic especially when you are the one asking for it."

Finding Mark's number on your phone, you called him.

Yuta's hand threaded through his rough hair as he noticed what you were trying to do.

"Hey mark!" Your chirpy voice resounded in the room and yuta was sure this was some different spirit speaking. You sounded too bubbly for the way you were investigating him just a second ago.

"Yes yes. His phone exactly.i don't trust him enough to hand over my phone so that's why I'm calling you myself. Just hurry up if you can or you might have to clean up a dead body in the next few hours."

With that you cut the phone. Without meeting yuta's gaze and resting your hand on the handle, you mumbled,

"He'll be here in an hour."

You were about to close the door when he stopped it with the palm of his hand, alerting you with the force.

"Tell him to get some food too."

And limping, he retired back, to the couches.

Sighing, you messaged mark. Had it been for something else, you'd have ignored but your own stomach had signalled you that it needed some good food so you chose not to fight against your own body.

Now, only the taste of the food could decide how many days you were going to tolerate that barbaric human.

"Are you still going to that stupid internship?" Johnny hesitantly murmured from your desk chair while taking big bites from the plate.

"It's not stupid please! I’m just waiting for them to actually pay attention to my awesome capabilities so they can transfer me to the main branch. This is not bad either but”, you stopped to lick your forefinger and tasting the sauce, continued, “but I really wanna go into the criminal unit. That’s where the actual fun is. As long as i’m being paid decently, i’ll suffer with the stupid research work here.”

“With the tongue as sharp as yours, I think you should be getting ready for a demotion instead” he laughed, showing you his fake bunny teeth in the most annoying and childish way.

“Ha ha ha ha. Some well wisher you are! Thank you so much for looking out for me but I'll be fine. Who knows the gatekeeper’s pay package is more than me. So it’d be a win-win in that case too I guess?” when you did a drum roll with your chopsticks to stress upon your point, he laughed harder.

"So being broke is the new black?" Rolling his eyes, he dragged out, "I swear you kids don't know how this world works."

"And you, grandpa of the century, knows?"

"I'm aware of what I need for my survival and from what I've learnt, you can either take risks or look for job security. In your case, " he fake coughed, "where the proportions of risk taking have already exceeded the acceptable limit, a job security is the best and safest option to choose."

"And that would justify my greed and desire to work for the biggest company of this city."

"Kun. The security you need and the independence you seek would be given by kun. Chois are hmm how to say? Cheap? Yeh cheap. They have no work ethics. "

"Have you worked with them, johnny?"

"No. I'm ju-

"Then was your ex a choi?" You saw his eyes comically and cutely widening at your remark.

"No. My ex wasn't a choi and that's not what I'm saying and you know that."

"Oh. So your ex wasn't a choi. Then a lee? Kim? Im? Oh my god! Look at your cheeks seo!" You dragged out. He shook his head as you kept wiggling your brows at him.

"She was a kim but that doesn't mean I would hate all kims dude. That's baseless and stop ignoring the topic. I want you to apply in Kuns. It's the best option. Do it as soon as you-

"Yeah yeah we'll see about that. First take that bitch back. I can't even nap in his presence. "

"Umm. Yeah. You gotta tolerate him. And besides he's injured. Injured yuta is like a gun without a bullet. He's gonna shout for a day or two and then peace out. He'll be sleeping and reading in his room and you won't even know if he's alive or not."

"Now that's bullshit. What is he going to do here anyway? I hope he can hop himself on one leg because even if the sun rises from the north, I am not going to do a single task for him. He can die hungry , for all I care.”

“Do you think you can endure him for some tasty dinners?”

Clicking your tongue, you quipped, “Do you really think you can buy me with a few homemade meals?”

Day 1

Yes. you were sold. The moment the tasty noodles had melted in your mouth, you knew you had no dignity. And you were indeed ashamed of yourself.

Earlier, Renjun had called you to inform you that he had delivered the food and medicines for yuta and had left your dinner box but he had failed to mention the special and endearing note that was pasted on the glass box. In the curvy letters, it read bitchy piglet and you swore the only person you’d be killing before yuta would be jaehyun. But you were going to use jaehyun to build up your tolerance instead.

When you went out to clean your dishes, he was playing some game on his phone, excitement evident from the way he was laughing every other second. Maybe if he remained occupied, he would not be so insufferable.

Day 3

"Oyii! Oyii!"

No. You were wrong. He was very very much insufferable.

At midnight, his voice echoed, disturbing your sleep. You cursed at the cool atmosphere that had prevented you from using the air con which otherwise would have blocked his annoying screeches. But it seemed like bad luck wanted to change its name to y/n instead. With your name being called like a broken record, it was a fight between you and him that you were not going to lose. Shuffling to your side, you covered your ears with the other pillow and tried to drown out the annoyingly demanding and hoarse voice. There was no way you were giving him the satisfaction of having any power over you. He could cry for all he liked!

“What the fuck do you want at this hour?”

Attempting a glare at him through sleepy lids, you spewed with irritation. Unlike you, he was very much awake, breathing with the sole purpose of making you question your whole existence.

“Pillow” scratching his non-existent beard, he mumbled.

Your nostrils flared and jaw clenched at such inconvenient command.

“You summoned me for a pillow? A pillow that can normally be found on a person’s bed? Can you please rectify your demand or did I just simply hear something wrong?”

The opened curtains and the moonlight that drenched the room was the only source that illuminated his face for you and even with drooping eyes, you could see how serious he was and yet you couldn't hold your tongue back because he simply deserved every shit you bestowed him with.

“Turn the lights on and count the pillows on my bed! And when you are done, get me some pillows from your room.” he simply stated.

“Why should i give you my pillow? I need them!”

“Because I don't use a pillow and I need it asap!”

“Then why do you suddenly need one? To disturb my sleep? Oh that makes sense.” and suddenly, your eyes had synced with your body to side with your fight mode.

“I need them for elevating my leg. The bandage is too tight and it’s not comfortable.”

“Then why don't you walk out of the room and get some cushions for yourself!” you raised your volume.

“Because my leg is in pain and i’m unable to get up? What makes you think I'm dying to see your ugly face at this time of the night. I dont wanna have nightmares of you as well but i can't help it ok!”

“you should have kept them near you. And who are you calling ugly hmm? You poop fac-

“Okay scream for all you want! But get me a pillow when your battery dies down!”

“What the fuck d- are you covering your ears? Wow ways to be generous!”

Stomping your foot, you left the room to get the hardest cushion on the couch.

“Here! Next time call Mark if you want anything. Don’t raise your voice ever again to call me because unlike you, i have work in the morning and hence I need some sleep..”

Just when you were about to leave after shoving the cushion in his hand, he spoke up again,

“This is damn hard! I asked for your pillow specifically and not th- AHH!”

A scream left him as you harshly removed the support , leaving his leg to painfully meet the mattress.

“How about you fix your attitude before fixing your leg?” suggesting, you dropped the cushion on the floor and left.

He didn't call you after that. Nor that you cared. However, the sleep in your eyes somehow vanished. Dancing on your sides didn’t help. Neither did drinking a glass of water. So, with a groan, you listened to your conscience and picked up your extra pillow that was sadly too perfect for your enemy.

Padding to his room, you tried your best to scrutinise and hearing his heavy snores, you placed the pillow right under his thigh and the cushion under his calf. Scoffing at his sleeping figure, you internally groaned to remind yourself that you hadn't done it for him. It was just a debt. For the blanket he had once covered you with. Nothing more and nothing less.

Day 5

You just wanted him out of your hair. He was just being a load on your head. At first, only the work was kicking your ass, then jungwoo was kicking you like a punching bag for an hour straight and adding to your distress was yuta.

"I'm not your maid! Stop piling up the dishes for me. I've had enough mercy on you. From today onwards, get a cleaner for yourself or buy disposable cutlery. I'm not going to clean after you!"

With a roll of his eyes, he had ignored you.

And so did you. Pasting a warning note on the sink tap, you had left for the library with a dying hope that maybe the kitchen would be spotless on your arrival or you'd be dialing some numbers in the evening.

For someone who despised the solemn atmosphere of libraries, you had successfully spent 11 hours in the said hellish room. It was 11 p.m and you wanted to sleep, more than anything but here you were, waiting for yugyeom so he'd just pick you up for a good drinking session that you were dying to have.

Fortunately, you weren't the only one who had missed living these past days. Everyone, for different reasons, was suffering so you felt a little less bad for yourself even though you knew your troubles were far more grave than their academic burdens.

"Wake up shorts" someone whispered in your ear. Squirming on your seat, you whipped your head in your sleepy state and found jungkook caressing your head, goofily smiling at you.

"I thought you wanted to hang out till the next morning" air quoting the last words, he picked up your bag.

"Yeah. Let's go. I'm all ready for a night full of vodkas." You yawned out.

"Definitely. No. You are going home. We can have a small get together me and yuggy are done with our final project." He dragged you out into the parking lot.

" I feel like it's been years since we got drunk together. You are never here anymore!" You whined at him, complaining your heart out.

"I will be. Soon. Then we can celebrate your little choi job as well."

"Oh please. Don't even mention it. If I had penny for every time they rolled their eyes at me, I'd be richer than your parents kook." You huffed out and as his gentle laugh surrounded you, you closed your eyes resting your back against the seat, expecting to be up by the time he'd park.

But the next day, you woke up tangled in the sheets of your bed, unaware of the events of the previous night.

When you had warned yuta about the dirty dishes, you hadn't expected him to fill the corners of the kitchen with disposable containers. It looked like you had missed a whole drama while sleeping in the library. The kitchen was shining except for the new utensils. But as long as you were not babysitting him, you were fine with anything. You didn't want to jinx your relief, however, you were glad you would be able to get some work done. finally.

You had spoken too early for your own good. Just when you sat down to write your paper, passionate and enthusiastic howls of that man pierced through your earphones and once again, you opened the window and hopped outside, in the balcony, ready to drown him out. Sipping on your lemonade, you gaped at the scenery the not so distant traffic provided you with and somehow, your thoughts wandered to the only person these horns reminded you of. Johnny.

What are you doing? Your fingers hovered over the text but once again, you deleted the message, declaring it to be too childish for someone as mature as him. Maybe you were just being silly. Maybe you were not. But who was going to put a stamp on your maybe?

Tears pricked your eyes as the harsh words of your senior thundered in the room. He kept shouting and you had no option than to consume each and every word he directed at you. Even if you were being insulted in front of your twenty other co-workers, staying quiet was the best option, you ascertained. so along with your saliva, you gulped your explanations down your throat.

Howsoever unconscious, you were still in the wrong. There was no excuse as to why you had mailed the wrong bills, apart from the headache that was caused by the person possibly lying on the sofa and watching t.v back home. No matter how much you tried to run away from his existence, he had somehow managed to let himself inside your head.

Glaring at the kid who asked for his turn on the park swing, you pushed yourself a little higher, letting the wind greet your stinging eyes as it hit your face in waves. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and you chose to ignore jungwoo for a day as it was the time, you decided, to let all the lessons that the past few months had taught you sink into your mind, to bleed into your soul so you won’t ever be able to deviate from them. Ever.

Only if that was so easy. You knew blaming others for your problems was no solution but trivialising them by not paying heed wasn't a smart move either.

When you reached home, your frustrations had died down. So when yuta simpered and pointed towards your empty container, telling you how he had already finished your supposed dinner, you simply rolled your eyes at him, robbing him of whatever he wanted to achieve by riling you up. Heating up the water, you were about to open the noodles packet when yeong called you.

You stared at the shattered phone screen in disbelief as the endless tears ran down your cheeks. As you verbalised the words to yourself again, your body met the floor with a thud.

Jungkook. Drugs. No more.

Three words had silenced the screeches in your head and your mind busied itself in rejecting what you had heard for it had to be a lie. But what how were you going to ignore the heart wrenching screams that yeong had let out. How were you going to dismiss the truth.

How were you all going to accept it?

••••••••••••••••

next update: Some day between 5-7 June.

[dialovers-translations]

Diabolik Lovers LUNATIC PARADE ;; Ayato Route ー Chapter 1

Yui: ( I have to retrieve my heart no matter what…! )

ー The scene starts in the carriage

Ayato: Oh, take a look, Chichinashi! The castle has come into view!

Yui: Eh...?

*Rustle*

Ayato: Heeh...Guess it’s to be expected with the ongoing Parade, but things seem pretty fired up in the surroundin’ city as well.

Hehe. I think we’re in for a good time...!

Yui: ...Hold up!

( A good time...? I thought we were going to look for my heart...? )

Ayato: Hm? Why are you frownin’...?

Ah. I bet you think that I’ve completely forgotten ‘bout your heart, aren’t you?

Yui: Uu...

Ayato: Hmph. How could I forget? I remember it very well!

But you know, we have to gather some information on this Walter guy first.

So I see no harm in enjoyin’ the Parade a lil’ while we’re at it?

Yui: Eeh...!?

( Can we really afford to take the slow approach...? )

...

Ayato: ...Are you that worried ‘bout your heart?

Yui: ...Well...

Ayato: Oi, listen up.

I’ll ensure you get your heart back.

So don’t worry. Trust me!

Yui: ...Yeah...

( ...Right. I’m the one who chose Ayato-kun after all...So I can’t lose faith... )

*Rustle*

Ayato: ...Puttin’ that aside, guess I’m take a lil’ break before we arrive at our destination.

That bein’ said, I’m gonna borrow your lap for a bit.

*Rustle*

Yui: ...! A-Ayato-kun!?

( He laid his head down in my lap...! )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: ( Count Walter...I wonder why exactly he has stolen my heart...? )

( Um...I think it was called a ‘Kleinod’? )

( Apparently I’m still alive because one of those has been put inside of me to replace my heart but...Still... )

...

( ...Let’s not think about that now. Worrying myself sick won’t get us any further anyway. )

( It’s just like Ayato-kun said. I shouldn’t make myself unnecessarily anxious... )

Ayato: ...Zzー ...Zzー...

Yui: ( Fufu. Ayato-kun seems to be enjoying his nap... )

ー The carriage suddenly comes to a halt

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyaah...!

Ayato: Uwah!?

*THUD*

Ayato: ...Ow!!

Yui: ( ...! Ayato-kun was sent flying from the rebound...! )

A-Are you okay...!?

Ayato: T-The fuck!? I was sleepin’ so comfortably too...!

*Rustle*

Ayato: Oi, Familiar! Where did you learn to drive like that!? Cut the crap!

Familiar: M-My sincere apologies...! Someone suddenly jumped onto the road from behind the shadow of those trees...

Ayato: A person...? ...What? Who the fuck’s that bastard dressed in all black...?

Yui: ( ...A black-clad figure riding on a horse is blocking the path... )

( On top of that, he seems to be staring our way... )

Ayato: I don’t know what’s goin’ on but I don’t like this one bit...Fuck! Imma go give him a piece of my mind!

ー Ayato gets out of the carriage

 Yui: A-Ayato-kun...!

Ayato: Oi, don’t come down. Sit still and wait for me inside the carriage. ...Capiche?

ー He runs off

Yui: ( There he goes... )

( I wonder if he’ll be okay by himself...? )

ー The scene shifts to the outer area around Bernstein castle

Black-clad figure: ...

Ayato: Oi! Mr. Man in Black! You sure have some nerve to get in my way!

Who the fuck are you!? Get off your horse and name yourself!

*Thud*

Black-clad figure: ...I’m the gatekeeper.

Ayato: Gate...? Hmph! Strange name you’ve got there, mate!

Gatekeeper: I have no name. Gatekeeper...In other words, the one guarding the gate of the Demon World.

It is my duty to ensure that no unwanted intruders enter the Demon World...

I simply cannot allow that tainted woman who is neither demon nor human to set foot inside.

Ayato: Aah!? Oi, say that one more time?

She’s a tainted woman!? Imma send you straight flyin’ if you speak that sorta crap again!

ー The scene shifts back to the carriage

Yui: ( ...Oh no! I have to stop him! )

ー Yui rushes out of the carriage

Yui: Ayato-kun! Calm down!

Ayato: ...! Chichinashi!? Idiot! Why did you come out!?

Yui: Because...!

( At this rate, it’d turn into a fight... )

Gatekeeper: Hmph. I knew it...Oi, woman. You are under arrest.

*Thud*

Yui: Kyah...!

Ayato: ...! Not in my book! Let her go!!

*Rustle*

Gatekeeper: ...!

Ayato: You really think I’m gonna hand her over to some creep like you!?

Let’s go, Chichinashi! Run!!

Yui: Y-Yeah...!

ー The two of them start running as the scene shifts to Glimmer Main Street

Ayato: Haah...Haah...Seems like we got away somehow.

Even if he chases after us, we should be fine amidst this large of a crowd.

Yui: Right...

( Still...I wonder if we should have ran away...? )

( What did that person mean with ‘a tainted woman who is neither demon nor human...? )

( He must have been talking about me, right...? )

( Being here might be more dangerous in my current state than I thought... )

Ayato: ...Oi, what’s wrong? Why do you look so glum?

Yui: Eh...?

Ayato: ...Listen, Chichinashi. You are mine.

I definitely won’t let someone else have you.

So you’ve got nothin’ to worry ‘bout.

While I’m lookin’ for your heart, you can look ‘round the Parade and take it easy for a bit.

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun... )

( Right. Ayato-kun’s with me after all...I’m sure everything will be fine. )

( I’m sure he’ll save me no matter what happens... )

Okay. I will.

Ayato: Mmh! Let’s go then.

Male Vampire A: Oi, did you see it? The poster on the plaza...

Female Vampire A: Yes. one of Karlheinz’ sons is on the wanted list, right?

Male Vampire A: Yeah, it’s Sakamaki Ayato...

Yui: ...!?

( Ayato-kun’s a wanted criminal...!? )

Ayato: Ah? What did you say ‘bout Yours Truly?

Male Vampire A: ...’Yours Truly’...? Could you be...Sakamaki...Ayato...?

Ayato: ...? I mean, yeah?

Yui: ( ...! Ayato-kun just revealed himself! I have to cover up for him!! )

Let’s go over there!

*Rustle*

Ayato: Aah? The fuck you doin’ all of a sudden...?

Yui: ( Either way, we have to get away from here...! )

ー Yui drags him away as the scene shifts to Aizen Alleyway

Ayato: ...Hmm, I see. I’m an outlaw, huh?

Well, I’m sure that ‘Gate’ guy or whatever his name was is behind it, right?

Hmph! He’s challengin’ me, huh? He’s got some balls then.

Yui: Anyway, that’s our current situation, so we should probably avoid crowded areas for now...

Ayato: ...Well, you might be right but...

...Say, Chichinashi?

Yui: Eh?

ー He pins her against the wall

*Thud*

Yui: ...Kyah!

Ayato: Aren’t you just makin’ up excuses ‘cause you want some private time with me...?

Yui: Eh...!?

Ayato: You should just be honest ‘bout it then. ...I don’t mind.

I was just ‘bout in the mood for that as well. Nn...

Yui: Nn...!

Ayato: Nn...Haah...

Yui: Haah...! Gosh, Ayato-kun! Now’s not the time for this...!

Ayato: Oh shut up. You’re the one who enticed me.

Come on, look this way. I’ll give you one more. Nn...

*Smooch*

Yui: ...

( ...It’s no use. I can’t push him away... )

ー Footsteps can be heard in the background

Male Vampire A: I could have sworn they went that way...

Ayato: ...!?

Yui: ( ...!! Somebody’s coming!! )

Ayato: ...Che. Seems like somethin’ got in the way. We’ll continue later. Come here!!

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah...Ayato-kun, wait...!

ー They run off again to an underground passage

Ayato: Fuck...That Gate guy totally ruined our plans to enjoy the Parade...

Oi, Chichinashi. We’re takin’ a break. Now!

Yui:  A-A break...? Right here?

Ayato: ...Let’s see if there’s any good spots ‘round...Well, guess we can just open one of these doors at random...There!

*Thud*

Yui: ( ...! He’s opening doors without permission...! )

Ayato: Oh. Better than I expected. We can take a seat and rest here.

Yui: A-Ayato-kun...Couldn’t this be the basement of someone’s home...?

( He just invited himself in...We’ll get yelled at if they find us! )

ー The scene shifts to an underground room

Ayato: ...Heeh. Well, it’s a lil’ dusty in here, but I guess it’s more comfortable than the place we were at before...

Well thenー... Guess I’ll kick back and relax for a bit.

*Thud*

Yui: ( Ayato-kun totally made himself at home... )

Selection

→ Call him out (☾)

Yui: ( I should probably tell him... )

...Hey, Ayato-ku...

Ayato: Come on, you should sit down here with me. I’m sure you’re tired from runnin’ ‘round, right?

Yui: ( Is he looking out for me...? It’s kind of difficult to call him out now... )

→ Keep quiet 

Ayato: Come on, you should join me here as well.

Yui: S-Sure...

ー Yui takes a seat next to him

Yui: ( It can’t be helped...If the resident of this house were to come down here, we can just explain the situation to them... )

( ...However, if this person has seen the wanted poster...What will we do...? )

( Perhaps we should explain the circumstances to the Gatekeeper instead, )

( and have the wanted poster taken down...? But... )

ー A flashback ensues

Ayato: ...Listen, Chichinashi. You are mine.

I definitely won’t let someone else have you.

So you’ve got nothin’ to worry ‘bout.

ー The flashback ends

Yui: ( I truly felt happy to hear those words from Ayato-kun... )

( He got upset when the Gatekeeper called me a ‘tainted woman’ as well... )

( Despite some of his statements, I can tell he properly looks out for me... )

( I’ll stick to his plan for a while after all... )

( ...Wait, huh...? )

ー Ayato opens one of the cupboards

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! Check this out! There’s so much interestin’ stuff to find in this room!

Yui: ...Ayato-kun!?

( He went ahead and opened one of the cupboards...! )

A-Ayato-kun...! You’ll get scolded for looking through other people’s belongings...!

Ayato: Haah? Who cares? It’s not like I’m tryin’ to steal anythin’.

Anyway, look...You should join me here as weーー

*THUD*

Ayato: ...!? Uwah...!!

Yui: ( The cupboard...!! )

*CRASH*

Yui: ( O-Oh no...! It fell over...! )

Ayato: S-Shit...

ー Somebody rushes downstairs

???: ...Is someone there!?

Yui: ( ...! We’re busted! )

Ayato: ...Yeah. We let ourselves in for a bit, ‘kay?

House owner: ...! Who are you two!? What are you doing in someone else’s basement!?

Ayato: What do you mean...? Can’t you tell we’re takin’ a lil’ break here? Got a problem with that!?

House owner: Of course I do!!

Yui: A-Ayato-kun...!

We’re on the wanted list, so we have to somehow talk our way out before things escalate...!

Ayato: Che, shut up. I don’t need you tellin’ me that! ...There!

*THUD THUD*

House owner: Uwah!

Yui: ( He knocked over a different cupboard this time...! )

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! Now’s our chance! We’re gettin’ out of here!!

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah...! W-Wait, Ayato-kun...!

ー The scene shifts back to Aizen Alleyway

Ayato: Haah...That was close...

Yui: ...Gosh, you definitely went too far just now!

Ayato: Aah!? Fuck off!

If we just stood ‘round there twiddlin’ our thumbs, we would have both gotten arrested!

Yui: ...Even so...!

Ayato: Anyway, we can’t return to the underground now...

...Guess we have no other choice. Okay, this way. Let’s go.

*Rustle*

Yui: ( ...But that’ll take us back to the plaza from earlier, no...? )

Ayato-kun, wait...! Where are you...?

Ayato: I’ve got an idea. ...Lend me your ear for a sec.

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: There should be a dress shop right across the plaza. We’re gonna get ourselves some costumes there.

Yui: Costumes...?

Ayato: There’s plenty of people walkin’ ‘round dressed up as part of the Parade.

If we mix in with them, we’ll be able to proceed without gettin’ our cover blown, right?

Yui: ...I see! Way to go, Ayato-kun...!

Ayato: Heh! How’s that? Let me tell you, try and keep your head high. 

Bein’ all sneaky and trying to keep low will only make you stand out more in these kinds of situations.

Yui: ...Yeah, gotcha!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the dress shop

Ayato: ...Phew. We made it to the store somehow.

Yui: ( Thank god... )

( I’m sure it’s because my heart is missing that nobody took notice of me, unlike the previous times I’ve been here...Right? )

( ...However, we can’t rest assured just yet. We have to make sure the employees don’t recognize us... )

Dress shop owner: Are you looking for something?

Ayato: Yeah! We want costumes for the Parade. For me...and for her as well.

Dress shop owner: Understood! In that case, I would highly recommend these outfits which came in just earlier today!

Ayato: Oh! Show us then!

Yui: ( ...Ayato-kun’s acting completely normal... )

( I guess nobody would suspect we’re wanted outlaws like this... )

Ayato: Hm...There’s quite the collection. Oi, Chichinashi. Which one do you want?

Yui: ...Hm, let’s see...

( If we want to conceal our faces, a mask might be good... )

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: ...Hey, look at this one.

Yui: Eh?

*Rustle*

Ayato: You over there! Stop fooling around and make your choice already! Your sense of danger is severely lacking! 

Yui: ...!

Ayato: ...What do you think of these nose glasses? All I gotta do is part my hair differently (1) to complete the look!

Yui: ...Ayato-kun...Just now were you trying to...? 

( Imitate...Reiji-san...? )

Ayato: Hehe. Whatcha think? I sounded just like him, no?

Yui: ...Pfft....

Ayato: Ah! Why are you laughin’ your ass off!?

Yui: I-I mean...!

Ayato: ...You finally smiled. 

Yui: Eh...?

Ayato: You’ve had a frown on your face ever since we came here. 

Don’t blame me if it gives you wrinkles. (2)

Yui: ( Ayato-kun...He was trying to make me laugh on purpose... )

*TIMESKIP*

Ayato: ...’Kay, guess this will have to do for now...

Yui: ( We got masks and costumes for the both of us...I guess we’ll be okay now. )

( We kind of got caught up in the flow and spent quite some time inside the store. )

ー They leave the dress shop

Yui: ( Ah...! We accidentally walked out without our disguises. We have to get changed somewhere... )

Female Vampire A: ...Ah, hey...Aren’t they...? 

Male Vampire A: ...I’m positive! It’s those two from earlier...! Seize them!

Yui: ( T-Those people from earlier...! T-This is bad...!! )

Ayato: Oi, we’re makin’ a run for it, Chichinashi! Come here!!

Yui: Y-Yeah!

ー They run towards the wagon area

Male Vampire A: They went that way!

Yui: ( They’ll catch us at this rate! )

Ayato: Fuck! No way I’m lettin’ myself get caught so easily!

Female Vampire A: They went that way!

Ayato: Oi, Chichinashi! We’re takin’ a shortcut! This way!

Yui: Eh!?

Crepe vendor: Crepes! Who’s in the mood for a fresh crepe?

Ayato: Get out of the way!

*THUD*

*CRASH*

Crepe vendor: Uwaah! My stall!

Yui: ( H-How terrible...! )

Ayato-kun, you can’t do such a thing...!

Ayato: Whatever, just follow me! Do you want to get caught!?

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyaah...!

( Even if he says that, this is messed up!! )

ー The two of them flee to Aizen Alleyway

Ayato: Haah...Haah...Che, a dead end...

It can’t be helped...I’ll just jump up in the air the...Uwah!?

*Flip*

Ayato: The fuck!? ...Wait, this is...

Yui: ...! Could this be...

( It’s our...wanted notice, right? But...these portraits... )

( ...They look nothing like us...actually... )

Ayato: ...Hahaha....Ahahaha!

What’s this? Who made these sloppy drawings?

Yui: ...But in this case, we probably wouldn’t have gotten recognized even without dressing up...

Ayato: Well, you do have a point...

ー Somebody walks up to them

???: ...I have finally found you two. No more of this useless game of tag.

Ayato: ...! You’re...!

Yui: ( The Gatekeeper... )

Ayato: ...Chichinashi! Grab hold of me! We’re takin’ off!

Yui: ...Ayato-kun, let’s not...

Ayato: Ah? The fuck you sayin’!?

Yui: Even if we do that, it’ll just bring us back to square one...

Let’s go with this person and explain the situation to them?

Ayato: Haah!? What are you sayin’!? Why should we let ourselves get arrested when we’ve done nothin’ wrong!?

Yui: ...Exactly. We have to start by explaining why we came here and clear our names.

Ayato: ...Why should we...!?

Gatekeeper: Hmph. For being a tainted woman, you seem rather reasonable.

Ayato: Tsk...Try sayin’ that one more time, you punk! I’ll send you flyin’!

*Rustle*

Yui: Ayato-kun! It’s fine! Just calm down, okay?

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: How can I stay calm!? That bastard talked shit ‘bout you bein’ tainted again...!

Yui: Please! Listen to me right now...!!

Ayato: ...Fuck!

Yui: ( Ayato-kun...I’m sorry... )

Gatekeeper: So? Have you made your decision? Well, you only ever had one choice from the very beginning.

Yui: ...We will come with you.

Gatekeeper: ...Very well. Come with me then. I have a carriage waiting for us on the main street.

Yui: ...Yes.

*Rustle rustle*

Yui: ...Let’s go, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: ...

ー They get in the carriage

Monologue

And so,

we were taken suspect,

by the Gatekeeper.

The place we were taken to by the carriage,

was Bernstein castle.

The home of Count Walter,

and the exact same location we were headed ourselves...

It turned out that the Gatekeeper,

had been looking for us,

upon Count Walter’s direct order.

ー The scene shifts to the throne room in Bernstein castle

Ayato: Che. Tell us that right from the beginning next time!

That Gate-something is actually one of Walter’s underlings!

???: ...Well, well, my sincere apologies.

Ayato: ...! Walter!

Yui: ( ...! This man is Count Walter...! )

Count Walter: So you are Ayato, son of the world-famous Karlheinz?

Ayato: Hmph! You bet! Altho I don’t give a damn ‘bout the Old Man.

Count Walter: Please, don’t say that. And you must be...

...I see...You are, huh? ...Fufu...

Ayato: Aah? The fuck’s your problem...? Stop ogling her!

Count Walter: Fufu, don’t get so upset. Well then, let us use this opportunity to have a nice, leisurely chat. Take a seat.

Ayato: Oi...I didn’t come here for no chit-chat.

Give her heart back. Right now!

Yui: ...Ayato-kun...!

Ayato: I mean, I’m not wrong, am I!? All of this happened ‘cause this freak stole your heart...!

Count Walter: ...I see. Ayato, it appears to me that you have quite the temper.

I have actually been testing you two.

Yui: Us...?

Count Walter: Yes. Ever since I sent that card your way, I have been keeping a close eye on you from here the whole time.

To see if you, and your partner Ayato...

...are suitable candidates to possess a precious treasure of which only one exists in this world.

Ayato: A precious...treasure...?

Yui: Could that be...?

( Is he talking about my stolen heart...? )

Count Walter: Hence why I chose not to reveal my ties with the Gatekeeper in an attempt to observe how you would deal with him.

However, unfortunately, it seems like you two are simply not suited for this treasure.

Yui: ...No way!

Ayato: What do you mean!?

Count Walter: I am sure you will agree with me if you take a second to think back to everything you have done these past couple of hours?

Ayato: Fuck off! Why do we have to get told all this shit by a frickin’ thief, huh!?

Stop spoutin’ this nonsense and hand back her heart!

*THUD*

Count Walter: ...That just cost you another five points.

Ayato: Haah? The fuck are these points...!?

Count Walter: While we may know each other’s names, this is our first time meeting in person. On top of that, I am your senior by many years...

Yet you choose to behave in such an outrageous way, which can only result in a bad score, no?

I cannot see someone like that as a fit candidate for this treasure...

Ayato: Aah!? You’re in no position to tell me that!

Yui: ...! Ayato-kun!!

Count Walter: Haah...There goes another five points. This is just sad.

As I thought, I don’t think I will be returning this treasure any time soon. Give up and go home. Gatekeeper! Show our guests the way o..

Yui: P-Please wait! J-Just one more...! Can’t you give us one more chance?

Count Walter: ...Hooh.

Yui: I’m begging you! Without that heart, I will...

Please...! Just one more chance...!

Count Walter: Hm...I see...

It seems that unlike with Ayato’s case, you seem worthy of retaking the trial.

Ayato: Aah!? Excuse me!?

Count Walter: ...Well then, Yui-san. Out of respect for you, I shall give you one more chance.

Yui: ...Really!?

Count Walter: Yes. Well then...You two will go and set straight all crimes you have committed here in the Demon World.

Yui: Set straight...our crimes...?

Count Walter: ...Exactly. In the meantime, I shall watch your every move from here.

If you can satisfy me with your approach, I do not mind returning your heart to you then.

Yui: ...Really!? Thank you so much!

Count Walter: Fufu. Being capable of giving a genuine response to someone’s act of goodwill is an admirable feat. I shall award you one point for that.

Ayato: Aah!? Look at you favorin’ Chichinashi this whole time! I’m not diggin’ this!

Count Walter: Oi, Ayato. If you do not watch your words, you will lose points again? Why not take a lesson or two from her?

Ayato: ...!

Count Walter: Well then, get going you two!

Yui: ...B-But...What should we do exactly?

Count Walter: Fufu. You will have to figure that one out yourself.

All I can say is that you should think long and hard about everything you have done so far and fix things appropriately...That’s it.

Well then, I have high hopes for you.

Yui: ...Yes. Please excuse us now. ...Ayato-kun, let’s go.

Ayato: Ah, oi! Chichinashi! Wait!!

*TIMESKIP*

Monologue

We returned to the city,

in a carriage which had been prepared for us.

The Count had been so kind,

to take down the wanted posters,

which meant we no longer had to hide ourselves,

while going from one place to another.

However, the real challenge starts now.

Let us take a deep breath and think first.

About the true meaning,

behind the task which has been given to us by the Count...

I have to somehow retrieve,

my stolen heart after allーー

While trying my best to explain the situation,

to Ayato-kun who seemed as grumpy as ever,

we settled in a waterside hotel.

ー The scene shifts to the hotel room

Yui: Ayato-kun?

( ...He’s not here...? )

( Could he be out on the balcony? ...He must still be upset, huh...? )

ー She steps out on the balcony

Ayato: ...

Yui: ...Ayato-kun. You must be thirsty, no? I’ve got some juice. I’ll leave it here, okay?

*Thud*

Yui: ...Um...I’m sorry...I was quite selfish back then...

Ayato: Che, my thoughts exactly! What was your problem? You just bent to that Count’s will like it was nothing...

He’s the one who stole your heart in the first place, remember!?

So why are we the ones who have to get tested!? It makes zero sense!

Yui: ...Yeah...

( I can’t blame him for getting upset...Still... )

Say, Ayato-kun? Listen?

Ayato: Aah? 

Yui: I don’t think you’re wrong...

When we came here and the Gatekeeper talked badly about me...

You got mad at him...Remember? That made me really happy, you see. 

Ayato: ...!

Yui: I was convinced you’d protect me no matter what. I told myself to have some faith in you.

Even when we were being chased around by a bunch of strangers, I knew things would be okay because you were there with me.

I want to stay with you from here on out too.

...That’s why I just have to get my heart back.

So we can be together in the future as well...

Ayato: Chichinashi...

Yui: I truly do feel bad for involving you in this as well.

If you don’t want to, I’ll handle it by myself.

I promise I’ll return with my heart, so you can...

ー He suddenly embraces her

*Rustle*

Ayato: You really think I’d do that!? Don’t give me that crap!

...You are mine. How many times do I have to repeat myself?

Ayato-sama will definitely retrieve your heart!

I mean, doesn’t it only make sense? If you are mine, then so is your heart.

I’m not gonna let that bastard do with it as he pleases...!

*Rustle*

Yui: Kyah...Nn...!

Ayato: Nn...

Oi, Chichinashi. Don’t ever say you’ll go by yourself again. ...Understood?

Yui: ( Ayato-kun... )

...Yeah. Gotcha. I won’t.

Ayato: Mmh...Well then...Let’s call it a day.

Starting tomorrow, we’ve gotta get started on that fucked up task given to us by the Count after all.

Yui: Yeah, good idea. ...Ah, Ayato-kun!

Ayato: Pwaah...Hm, what?

Yui: Listen...Okay? ...Thank you for everything...

Ayato: ...Hmph. What are you sayin’ out of nowhere...?

...Oi. I was gonna sleep but I changed my mind. Come here.

*Rustle*

Yui: ( Eh!? W-Wait...Ayato-kun!? Kyaah! )

*Thud*

Ayato: ...Oi, Chichinashi. If you want to thank me that badly, you better tend to me tonight.

Yui: Eh? W-What do you mean...?

Ayato: ...Let me suck your blood. I was just feelin’ kinda thirsty.

Don’t even try sellin’ me that juice of yours. It has to be your blood. Hehe.

*Rustle rustle*

Ayato: Nn...Haah...Nn...

Haah...It really does taste a lil’ different from usual but oh well...

...It’s still your blood in the end.

In other words, every single drop of this blood belongs to me as well. Nn...

Yui: ...Ayato...kun...

Ayato: ...Oi, gimme more. Nn...Nn...

Yui: ( Even if his words are harsh at times, he always embraces me so gently... )

( I’m sure everything will be okay with Ayato-kun by my side... )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー 

Translation notes

(1) 七三 or ‘seven-three’ refers to a type of hair style in which the hair is parted unevenly with 30% being on one side and the other 70% on the other, hence the name ‘seven-three’. Reiji has this hairstyle, so Ayato always refers to him as 七三メガネ or ‘shichi-san megane’ 

(2) Literally he says ‘Don’t blame me if your face never goes back to normal’

← RETURN TO PROLOGUE

→ PROCEED WITH MAIN STORY [CHAPTER 2]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #1 [W/ SHUU]

→ SUB-SCENARIO #2 [W/ KANATO]

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Ok this isn't to be disrespectuful or anything, but I'm genuinely confused. I get that AAVE is somewhat of a touchy topic, but I just wanna know why. Why is it wrong to use it? Isn't that toxic gatekeeping of sorts?

The toxic gatekeeping happened when Africans were forced from their homes to come here to be sold, tortured, and enslaved by white people who then barred them from reading and also using their own language and customs. The enslaved had to learn English on their own and ended up coming up with their own dialects which is what AAVE is.

The toxic gatekeeping continued once we were “freed” and also punished for using our own dialects. We got called ghetto and uneducated for using it. Were told we had to assimilate to fit in with the “American Dream” and to be more like whites because they were “civilized.” If a Black person were to talk like that at their professional job, they’d get fired. We can’t even wear our natural hair without someone calling it “distracting.” Or even unprofessional. Yes. The hair that grows out of my head has been deemed unprofessional solely because it isn’t straight.

Us wanting little white kids to fuck off and stop calling a dialect that we speak amongst ourselves because we did what we could feels like mockery. This is a constant thing. When Kylie got those grinch finger dreads she’s cute and trendy and fashionable. When Zendaya got dreads it was ew she looks like she smells like weed.

And you know how I KNOW you shouldn’t be using it? Because you asked this question. I refuse to believe you’ve been on the internet and follow black creators (which I am) and you’ve never seen us discuss how white people don’t even know how to use it right. If you think this is toxic gatekeeping it’s because the toxic gatekeeping started centuries ago and we’ve finally started to tell you that we’re sick of your bullshit.

[sistersblack]

Your crack posts are great but I'm curious what your serious thoughts/headcanons for Lucius are. or are those it?

fjdjd no they’re not it (at least not really; i think to an extent his wealth and status would allow him to just be Like That but my crack posts are definitely exaggerated). i have a post from a while ago where i talk about him more seriously but i don’t think i’ve done headcanons??? i’ll do some for you now

full disclosure i’m half asleep so these won’t have any real structure to them. also i’m definitely going to forget important ones since rn my fandom mind is elsewhere. that said:

these are silly but personality wise i think he’s a scorpio (november birthday) & probably neutral evil

competitive to a fault

bookish but hides it. not completely (it’s good to look smart!) but i imagine he wants his intelligence to appear more effortless than it is

on that note, i hc he has a lot of shallow knowledge across a wide range of topic with a few areas of interest where he digs deep. but it’s important to him that he can carry a conversation on any topic without looking like an idiot

and again on this note: used to raid severus’ bookshelves, especially his muggle books, and especially historical ones. sometimes they’d even trade books or knowledge. it’s not because he cares about muggles but because he hates feeling out of the loop.

genuinely enjoys fashion and keeps up with trends just as much as narcissa does. knows multiple charms specific to crafting/mending clothes.

buys his wife flowers weekly just because. buys even more when he fucks up.

likes animals but not necessarily your traditional pets. enjoyed care of magical creatures at school & excelled in it. has an aviary at the manor where he keeps rare birds (in addition to his peacocks) and gets annoyed when anyone other than him goes near it (including narcissa and draco. including when draco was just a curious baby. it’s definitely caused arguments but they’re his birds!!!)

collects rare/expensive wine but doesn’t like the taste of it. only drinks it when he has to.

artistically gifted. was taught at a young age how to paint by his mother. it’s one of the few happy memories he has of her and he holds it dear (but he won’t admit it!!!)

related: he continues to create art well into adulthood but hides it from most people. still gifts narcissa oil paintings of herself every other anniversary. 

his parents were a marriage of convenience, not love. he’d resigned himself to the same fate and is genuinely surprised at how thankful he is when he gets to marry someone he loves.

bisexual, baby.

is an excellent swimmer.

has like, definitely read at least one (1) trashy romance novel just to “see what the fuss was about.” likes to quote the most ridiculous lines from it at inappropriate times.

his mother died when he was still quite young. the details for this one change depending on what i’m writing, but generally it happens before his thirteenth birthday (sometimes on it). he’s forced to get over it quickly (abraxas is indifferent to it and doesn’t like that lucius isn’t) & as a result his emotional growth is.... stunted.

has a messy relationship with his father. was abused but doesn’t see it that way; he thinks abraxas was just “shaping” him into the perfect heir. (he won’t address why the idea of using some of his father’s methods on draco makes him sick to the stomach.) aside from these ~lessons~ on how to proudly represent the family name, he and abraxas generally get/got along and lucius maintains that they had a good relationship.

took part in underground duelling clubs & the occasional underground fight club. gambled a loooooooooooot of money.

was originally intended to marry andromeda even though she wasn’t his first pick. (narcissa was!!!! i’ll die on this hill!!)

also on that note: knew andromeda was fooling around with ted & turned a blind eye more than once bc he thought it’d work out in his favour. it’s one of the few secrets he keeps from his wife.

has a strategic eye & gets used for it. is a successful leader. spent most of the first war giving orders (doesn’t like to get his hands dirty, if he can help it).

collects antiques but like, is very serious about it.

polyglot.

can turn off his morality like a light switch so long as the situation is disconnected from those he truly cares about.

actually had to work a job at the ministry in his young adulthood. in fact this is like a malfoy family hc for me; i think they have to contribute a certain amount to the malfoy vaults before they can be deemed worth of becoming head of the family. the money doesn’t have to be acquired lawfully, but most of them have worked jobs before.

insecure in his ability to give open affection. he never received much of it & had to learn. appears cold because of it.

doesn’t like messy or gratuitous torture or death. views bellatrix’s methods as “distasteful.” gets off on elegant violence.

very dry sense of humour

can dance and did actually teach snape how to

has like, no friends. at least not genuine ones. narcissa is his best friend and has been since they were quite young. she’s one of the few people he allows himself to relax around—though their relationship is eventually also very messy, snape is the other. there’s a few reasons for it, mostly that severus knew him when he was young/before he really established himself as the head of the malfoy family (tm) & that he’s seen severus at his worst and knows the other man isn’t in a place to judge.

exceptionally gifted at manipulation. likes to do it as a fun pass time. i wasn’t joking when i said his motto should be gaslight gatekeep girlboss 

OH and used to hit/abuse house elves for attention 

my brain is broken and i can’t think of more rn BUT i love talking about him so if i remember some important ones i miss i’ll definitely rb with more!!! thank you for this ask 🤍