#why cant I just enjoy food now

[schlenting]

// Idk like food mention/body image issues lmao

The next batch of draws are gonna be pure copium, that imma post on main with like no context cuz I refuse to elaborate in my main accs, cuz everyone ik keeps saying im fat and have gained weight (like yeah I have but considering I was bordering on being anorexic like 90% of my life it def just reinforces that mentality) and like yeah "jaja funny latin culture means we'll say it in a joking way to not make you feel bad" but youre legit just calling me fat out right and Im supposed to laugh??? Gracias mi gente :)

[undermostcorgi]

the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)

[mejomonster]

If enough of you hype me up with (hopefully not false) promises, I will watch Hannibal and liveblog it

Caveat: I like horror but I have a lot of sad tummy health issues so if for some reason the food scenes get too triggering it will just not be the show For me which is okay. Just means I won't finish the show

[muirneach]

algorithms seem to naturally push viewers towards right wing weirdness somehow. as such i’ve gone from interesting nature content to sustainable living and growing food to… ‘homesteading’ and stuff that is definitely almost a cult. anyways i find the idea i see with these people a lot that one must cut ties with ‘government support’ so strange. sorry to the weird progressive in speech but really genuinely a freak in practice who keeps showing up on my explore page, but i like it when i get like. electricity and medical care from the government. but yknow thats me maybe i’m the sheep

[be-good-to-bugs]

i wish i wasn't so shy

[xazse]

hiii pookie I LOVED your hybrid post like it got me foaming from the mouth ngl 🫶 you're so talented!!

If you're into it, can we get cowhybrid! reader and Farmer!Gojo specifically please and thank you? I need to see the reader all needy and desperate and Gojo being the only one who can truly give her release and and what she truly needs (feel free to remix or add anyone/anything that you please)

If you're not into it, please ignore this ask instead of refusing because I get embarrassed hihi🎀🫶 anyways mwah mwah love u take care pookie

ANOTHER TRY?

Notes: THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS IM GLAD YOU ENJOYED MY WORK!!! and to the second ask I’m very happy you requested that bull!hybrid work lLOVEDDD WORKING ON IT!! You guys are so creative I need to eat ur brain!!! THIS IS FOR ALL THE OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN ASKING FOR A PT2 I SEE YOU GUYS!!! (IF UR READING THIS TO MY OTHER INBOX OFC YOU CAN BE 🪬 ANON!!)

Pairings: CowHybrid!Reader x Farmer!Gojo

Warnings: Lactation + big!boobedReader + implied chubby!reader + nipplesucking + grinding + mean!Satoru + pussy!slapping + teasing.

Gojo has spoiled you for far too long it makes his blood boil and temples wrinkle when you continue to go see Toji and Suguru, it becomes a habit for you to come back in the early mornings after having a night of “fun.”

Confronting said men proved to be so fucking useless, they just laughed in his face when he said he’d kick both of them to the curb should they continue to corrupt you.

“You need us Satoru, why are you allowed to have your nightly routines but she cant? It was gonna happen eventually.” Tojis face was decorated with a fat sneer, all those times he tried to make sure you stayed as far as possible were all for naught, it’s hilarious seeing him seething behind a cool facade.

“Never knew what Toji seen in the woman but now I completely understand his point.” Suguru yelled from where he was transporting some wood.

Talking to them proved to be useless, as a little payback he made them clean the shed from top to bottom.

Trudging back to the main house in his thick boots Satoru comes to face you relaxing on the couch without a damn care in the world.

Why is he trying to get them to be on his level when he should be punishing you, you’re the one who didn’t listen, you’re the one sneaking out every night. He doesn’t know why he feels this hold on you, you’re such a beautiful girl that he can’t help but keep you in this small bubble.

When your eyes land on him you don’t say any kind of greeting, simply ignoring his presence for the movie on the huge ass tv he bought for you and eating the expensive food he bought for you.

You look extremely good right now, your fat boobs not swollen, but your pretty lips are. Satoru won’t say it but his pants tighten at the thought of what they do to you.

He needs you right now, he’ll make it up to you as much as he can.

He approaches you calmly and collected, sitting down at the edge of the couch where your legs are propped up, you still don’t acknowledge him. His trained hands start circling on your soft supple skin, you surprisingly don’t push him away. You give Satoru an inch he’ll take a mile.

He starts groping your thighs, the pudgy things hold within the creases of his hand. He pushes your thighs apart and gets a good look at your panties: you always choose to walk around the house like this.

They’re extra tight the way they emphasize your fat pussy, the groan that slips from his lips aren’t-something he tries to hold back, he needs you to know how much he wants you, especially wants you all to himself.

The rise and fall of your chest makes you look so cute, why are you so shy all of a sudden? You’re averting your eyes as well.

Satoru starts teasing your clothed folds, dragging his thick finger up and down, he pushes extra hard on your clit eliciting a small moan from you. He continues this for a little, he needs you wet to take him properly.

He peels off your soddened panties and positions himself above you, finally face to face with you. Your boobs are the first thing he attacks, pulling on your shirt and letting them spill out, the little droplets of milk call to him. He’s grabbing one and putting it into his mouth: he loves your taste so sweet like honey as it cascades down his throat so smoothly.

“Nghm… Toru..” finally you’ve decided to grace him with your sultry voice.

He bites down a little on your nipple making you jump away. He reels you right back in and sucks even harsher, there’s barely any milk left but he’s going to make sure he gets his full.

“Toru.” You call his name so panicked and yet you’re grinding against his fully hard cock. He’s so desperate in the moment that he unbuckles his belt and lets his cock bob free.

His fat tip prods agaisnt your folds, messing with your sticky wetness, he smears it on his tip even grinding down on your clit, but he doesn’t put it in, you don’t deserve that.

He teases you, pretending he’s going to give you what you want just to take it all away.

“Please…” a harsh and loud smack is delivered straight to your clit, you yelp and buckle your legs closed.

“Shirt, take your shirt off.” He commands, of course you’re gonna listen, Satoru has never taken that tone with you.

Your boobs now freely spill for him to gaze at. He spreads your legs back open.

“I’m gonna give you ten slaps, close your legs for even one I’m restarting. Understood?” You nod and your ears move along with it. He likes this look on your face: confusion, arousal and a little bit of fear.

On the first slap you make the mistake of shutting your legs closed: completely an accident but he’s having none of it, he hits your little clit again and again.

“Ahn..” you’re still so fucking wet by the sixth slap, creating a nasty mess that drips to your ass. Gojo’s cock is still throbbing, he jerks himself off, smearing his pre all over.

By the tenth slap you’re gone, completely dazed and only able to whine outloud, he decides that you’ve had enough with the tears that sit on your eye line. He pushes your legs back and lines his weeping tip. The feeling of sliding into your sopping wet cunt is better than any pussy he’s ever had.

His strokes against you are fast even though he should be letting you adjust, the sounds of skin against skin meeting each other is downright lewd.

He tells you to rub your nipples, it adds so much more stimulation that you can’t find it in you to hate it.

His cock drags agaisnt your walls over and over, till you can’t feel anything but the sensitivity of your nipples and the twitching of his fat cock.

He fucks you like that all night, even when you’re meant to meet Toji and Suguru, you can’t stop creaming around farmer Gojos length and nor do you want to.

[bamsara]

what are your most favorite tropes? :3c

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED:

Near death experiences

Emotional revelations due to said near death experiences

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Mutual Pining but they believe its unrequieted

"you're my worst enemy but you're so important to me"

Drunk chapter where at least One fist fight happens

Bridal carry after someone gets injured

Slow Burn...of course

"i got you this gift because it benefits me and im not telling you how" (the benefit is seeing the other person enjoy the gift)

Force Alliances or Temporary Truces

"I don't like killing but I'll do it for you"

"I prefer to kill my problems but I won't, for you."

Or: "This person has no idea how many people I've killed in order to protect or provide for them and I'm going to keep it that way."

Mean or Villian Character is actaully a really good Sibling/Parent/Child,ect and has someone they care about

Or better, Villian character adopts child AND is a good parent

Everyone knows the pairing likes each other except for the pairing

Temporary (or non-temp)Amnesia

"I learn your favorite things because I plan to use them against you one day" (proceeds to not do that) (proceeds to get them food or items that persons likes just because they like them)

Breaking and Entering. Literally.

Person A is in love, Person B says they're not but they're 10x times worse actaully

Slip-of-the-tongue/Accidental confessions. Doesn't have to be love confessions but just "whoops i was not supposed to say that"

Biting as a love language

One is feral and bloodthirsty but is put in the position of 'protecting an idiot' because the other is also feral and has no self-preservation. Both characters must be badass, just equally stupid

Kiss on the head/cheek while the other person is sleeping

Bloodstained kiss

Heat-of-battle confession about something

Protagonist refusing to become villian or repeat villian mistakes, not in a 'owo i cant do that its bad' and more like 'fuck you you dont get to see what you wanted to make of me'

Signifier of 'this is my friend/family/lover'. Could anything between a ring, a jacket over someone's shoudlers or scent marking, anything

"if im immortal, then you gotta be too or we both dyin"

Knight x Their Charge

Human x Non-Human

Sunshine x Grump

Character that looks sooooo cute. Oh he's a little fucked up actaully

"ahhaha he's such a freak haha. i need him carnally."

They are mortal enemies. They are also best friends.

Hostage / Rescued trope plus Hostage / Doesn't get to rescue because the hostage killed everyone already

Plot info that's missing that's vital to the story and it's revealed that One of the pairing or someone in the group knew the info the entire time

"I said mean things to you because I hate you, so why am I feeling guilty now"

There was only One Bed

Really competent and scary character is really GOOD at a harmless and charming small hobby completely uncharacteristic to their public persona

Nightmares. And then sleeping in the same bed because of nightmares

Cultural differences / Language Barrier

Character gets so surprised flustered they trip over something or break something and it topples and it starts a chain reaction like a cartoon

There are more but these are some of which I can remember off the top of my head. I've written many of these myself in several of my stories and will continue to do so until the end of time, esp my faves

[jinnie-ret]

9th member whos family is extremely unsupportive of their career choices, skz do their best to cheer them up after a loud argument that the boys overhear. their family is rude and downright mean to their 9th member and they cant let them be put down by their family so they remind her that theyre her family. love your writing.

family is complicated

stray kids x ninth member!reader (platonic)

genre: angst, fluff

content warnings: emotionally abusive parents

word count: 1.6k

summary: after your troubling phone call is overhead by all of the boys, they comfort you and reassure you that they are your true family

Thank you sm for your request!! I hope you enjoy this one too :)))

MAIN MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Y/Nnie! Lunch is ready," Chan called the maknae into the kitchen, plating up some food for her. Although they lived in different dorms now, Y/N staying with 3RACHA and Hyunjin, and Lee Know and Felix staying with VocalRACHA, they decided to do a whole group meal today.

Everyone was sat waiting at the table, before a sluggish looking Y/N padded into the kitchen, wiping sleep away from her eyes.

"Aw bless her, she looks exhausted," Felix whispered and frowned to Han, who nodded along.

"It's her mum and dad again, don't mention them yeah?" Han quietly replied, offering a light smile to Y/N when she plonked herself down into the chair opposite him.

"Mmm, what's for breakfast?" Y/N blinked her eyes rapidly, where redness could be seen around the lids. After an endless streams of texts from her parents last night, she cried herself to sleep, the boys doing their best to comfort her before she allowed herself to break down.

"It's lunch time, silly," Hyunjin fondly giggled as he ruffled her hair and placed a cup of tea down in front of her. "Here, peppermint tea, I know it's your favourite."

"Thanks Jinnie," Y/N tilted her head upwards and he smiled and scrunched his nose at her in response.

"It's nice having lunch together like this, I feel like we haven't done it in a while," Jeongin commented, twirling some ramen with his chopsticks.

"We had fried chicken at the company like two days ago," Changbin pointed out and laughed.

"Yeah but it's different being sat around the table with a home cooked meal," Lee Know nodded and agreed with Jeongin.

"It's different now, like sometimes I get a facetime and just have Seungmin staring at me whilst he eats like," Han starts laughing, and mimics the face the puppy like member of the group would pull.

"What do you think about eating on your own, Seungmin? Now that we've split into different dorms," Chan asked curiously from one end of the table.

"I love it so much," Seungmin genuinely and joyfully says, causing everyone to break out into laugh, Hyunjin's iconic cackle sticking out amongst them all. Even Y/N, in a tired quiet mood, broke out into a smile.

But that happy mood, was torn in half by the ringtone that blared from Y/N's phone. She picked up her phone and sighed when she saw the contact name, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"Are you ok, Y/N?" Minho queried gently from next to her, making his tone more caring and comforting like he always did when he spoke to her. She was similar to Felix in that she had a sensitive heart.

"I'm f-fine, umm, I've got to take this," Y/N scoots out of her chair from the dining table, and walks round the corner from the kitchen into the hallway that followed down to their individual bedrooms.

"I'm worried about her," Jeongin spoke up, a frown tugging on his features, the corners of his mouth pulled downwards.

"I swear if that's her parents-" Changbin gritted his teeth.

"When will you come home and leave that useless job behind you?"

"Mum, why do you always do this to me? I'm doing something that I truly love and you always dismiss it!"

"I don't care about what you enjoy doing. You're not thinking about your family. How could you leave us like this? It's disrespectful. You've betrayed us!"

"I send money to you every month! I support you! I do everything I can, mum!"

"Your everything isn't good enough, Y/N. You're an embarrassment to the whole family."

"Mum don't say that!"

Then there was the sound of the phone call being hung up on, and Y/N quickly dashed past the opening of the hallway to rush into the bathroom.

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do, girl. I thought you may have changed your mind after my wise words last night, but I can see you're still as stupid and ignorant as ever."

"Y/N-" Han stood up to stop her and grab her attention, but she had already slammed the door.

"Have they always been that bad?" Seungmin questioned, appalled at the phone call they all overheard.

In her tired state, Y/N must have put the call on loudspeaker, and not realised that the boys had heard it too.

"I knew they were bad but... hearing her own mother yell at her like that... I thought the texts were bad," Chan sighed and shook his head. His hands rested on the table and he cracked his knuckles together.

"Why, what happened with the texts? Hannie said just to act normal but..." Felix brought up what he had said earlier.

"Yesterday she got some threatening texts from her dad, telling her he'd fly over to Seoul and personally drag her back home, and if she didn't 'comply and obey him' he'd make sure that she'd 'pay for it'," Hyunjin sighed, quoting the exact words he read from Y/N's phone himself.

"That bastard threatened violence?!" Lee Know exclaimed in disbelief, his fist clenched tightly around the edge of the table.

"We should check on her," Jeongin got up as he shook his head, walking round to the bathroom and knocking on the door. "Y/Nnie? Do you want to talk about what happened, love? We all heard," he added onto the end.

"No, it's fine, Innie. I'm ok, please don't come in," Y/N's voice cracked. "I just want some time to myself," she whimpered from the cold bathroom floor, rocking back and forth as she tried to process the words her own mother threw at her once more. Her mind was frantically pulling her in all sorts of different directions, saying 'what if' a thousand times.

"Sweetheart, please talk to us, we're worried about you," Felix's deep voice came from the other side of the door.

"I'm fine," Y/N sniffled, shakily standing up as her head pounded from all of the stress.

"You're not, we can hear it in your voice, Y/Nnie," Lee Know said firmly, a hint of frustration in his voice but only because he cared about her so much.

"Please open the door, Y/N," Jeongin tried again, hand resting against the door.

"She's not going to, mate," Bang Chan sighed, slumping down into the sofa, stretching out his neck and body. "She said she wants to be alone."

But then, the lock to the bathroom door clicked, revealing an exhausted looking Y/N who had tear streams down her face, as well as red eyes and a red nose.

"I don't want to talk about it," Y/N could barely look up at the three members that had been stood outside of the bathroom waiting for her.

"That's fine, just come sit with us, yeah?" Felix grabbed her hand gently.

"Don't shut us out, please," Lee Know ducked his head down to look into her eyes, and the girl nodded, still looking down at her feet. He rested his hand on her lower back as they encouraged her to head through to the lounge.

"Come here," Hyunjin opened his arms immediately as soon as she entered the room and just like that she was glued to his side.

"Y/N, I know you won't want to talk about it, but let us talk to you, ok?" Changbin started, "The way you have been treated by your parents, is by all means, not ok."

"And we want you to know, because we heard what your mum said, you are enough for us," Seungmin added on.

Their kind words caused her to let out a sob, and she heard coos and hushes around her of 'oh, Y/N!'.

"Darling, please don't get upset," Han crouched down in front of Y/N and wiped her tears away, and Hyunjin's arms tightened around her.

"I-it's just, it's-" Y/N couldn't get her words out before another sob ripped from her throat.

"Y/Nnie, breathe, it's ok love, take your time," Chan gently spoke up, causing her to listen to his words and actively take some deep breaths.

"We won't let you feel down ever again from the things they had said or done to you," Lee Know promised.

"We're your family, Y/Nnie," Jeongin cracked a small smile, eyes glistening with tears of his own.

"I wish you had been my family from the start. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life already," Y/N cried out, her hands digging into her legs.

"Oh, if we could have been a group from the start I'm sure we would have. Just think this, you've got us now. I know it's easier said then done, but don't worry about the past. Let's just think about our future, ok?" Changbin said from next to her on the sofa, gently pulling her hands away from her lap to prevent her from causing more harm.

"But what if-" Y/N stuttered and stopped herself from continuing once more.

"There are no what ifs with us, Y/N," Hyunjin rubbed circles into her shoulders.

"Yeah, you're stuck with us now," Han joked, trying to lighten the mood, and it worked.

For a few more moments you revelled in the comfort of being with your members, your family before going on with the rest of your day. And if anyone asked Chan if he blocked your mum and dad's phone numbers, he'd say no, of course. If they were really worried, they had other ways of getting in contact. It wouldn't hurt anyone. Just make your lives easier as a family.

tagged: @skz-streamer @kiraisastay @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @sakufilms @hanjiquokkaaa @arloo00 @dunno-wut-to-do @splat00z @cheesemonky

[81folklore]

i can do it with a broken heart - f1 grid

parings: gn!driver!reader x platonic!f1!grid x ex!jacob elordi

summary: after yn and their ex break up, they carry on as best they can and no one had any idea how bad they were struggling

type: social media au (smau)

notes: george is in this but he does not drive for mercedes, yn does. i also used a mixture of fem and masc pictures because i couldnt decide and thought you could just imagine whatever you wish!!

notes 2: probably the longest fic ive done so far but im pretty proud of it. the time stamps above each section are semi important so i would keep an eye on them!! also i know ive been gone for so long but i do not promise ill be back. alsoooo i know i only included a bit of the grid but i kept getting distracted and then couldn’t figure out how to include everyone!!

masterlist

march 2024

twitter

charles oh my god i cant believe my cat is finally the pfp

i have been waiting for YEARS

max yes well you better enjoy it because it’ll change soon and you’ll be back to waiting again.

lando jesus max do you have to use punctuation???

alex be glad he doesnt use captials

oscar one thing at a time lando, we dont want to scare him

max ???

lando anyway

yn mate you ok?

yourname im fine? ur scaring me you never ask how i am

lando yeah but usually your not single

lewis oh no! you and jacob split?

yourname yeah, wasnt working anymore

charles ah im sorry, that must suck😣

yourname i mean it does but its been coming for a long time so its not surprising

fernando hello! yn what is wrong? you always use emotes!

yourname theyre emojis nando, and im fine just a bit lost

fernando do not worry, i will come and find you!

yourname no, i dont mean literally just..we were together for so long i dont really know what to do now you know?

lando i get it, you wanna play tarkov with me???

yourname cheers ill get on now

george let us know if you need anything!

may 2024

yourusername

liked by mercedesamgf1, lewishamilton and 814,583 others

p✌️ was just what we needed this weekend!

thank you to everyone who came out and supported myself and the team and huge thank you to the team for working so hard all weekend⭐️

view comments

mercedesamgf1 mega job this weekend yn👊 *liked by author*

landonorris nice to share the podium with you mate

yourusername same time next race?

user33 loved seeing you back on the podium

user2 absolutely smashing it this season

user21 more podiums please🤲 *liked by author*

user3 fourth podium of the year first p✌️*liked by author*

twitter

*pretend it says after march i changed dates around last min*

august 2024

yourusername

liked by lukehemmings, charles_leclerc and 1,124,642 others

did some reading, painting and writing

baked some good food and spent time with some good people, also got a cat…not bad for summer break☀️

view comments

user66 AHHHHHH

yourusername ahhhhhhh

user26 cats name plsplspls

yourusername norman🐱

lukehemmings nice music👍

yourusername woah arent you the guy who wrote mum?!

mercedesamgf1 ready to see you back on the podium

yourusername always!!!!

user74 have you had funnnn??

yourusername yesss!! ive been doing lots of things i enjoy, basically treating every day as my birthday😋

twitter

*was supposed to write them instead of her sorry!! was doing two stories at once and kept getting mixed up😅*

october 2024

yourusername

liked by mercedesamgf1, gracieabrams and 1,291,638 others

p☝️ for the 3rd time this season, very very pleased

huuuuuge thank you to the team, every single one of you who worked tirelessly over the summer break and every moment since then, these have been for you⭐️

view comments

user55 what a good season to be a yn fan *liked by author*

user6 these races have been incredible to watch, so proud

yourusername ⭐️⭐️

gracieabrams woop woop!!!!

yourusername 😝😝

user2 gracie??

user41 why have we not had any personal photo dumps yet😕😕

user88 right we miss seeing you yn!!

yourusername sorry guys😣ive been suuuper busy working on something i just honestly forgot

user41 NEW PROJECT?? WHEN?? (also pls dont feel bad we love u)

yourusername soon!! (and i love u guys too)

twitter

november 2024

yourusername

liked by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 3,689,921 others

tagged: taylorswift

i cannot believe i get to say this, but my new friend taylor just released a new album and i was able to write a song on the album

im honestly not sure how this came about but i had so much fun writing this and expressing all my thoughts and feelings in a way ive never done before

i poured my life and soul into this song and im so glad taylor is the one who is singing it and really bought it to life

send some love to my friend and go and stream THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT (most importantly i can do it with a broken heart😉)

comments have been limited

taylorswift thank you for trusting me with this song, so much love🤍

yourusername NO THANK YOU!!! i will be forever grateful⭐️⭐️

twitter

yourusername added to their story

seen by taylorswift, lewishamilton and 729,282 others

charles i feel completely betrayed yn

fernando oh no😟! what did yn do?

charles THEY DIDNT TELL ME THEY WERE WRITING A SONG??

AND WITH TAYLOR SWIFT HOW COULD YOU☹️☹️

yourname sorry charles, surprise?!

charles ill forgive you because its a good song

yourname thank you my life just got infinitely better!

yuki very good song yn! has been on repeat☺️

yourname thanks yuki, glad you like it!!

lando I LOVE IT TOO

but seriously are you ok?!

yourname yeahhh im better now

was just a lot to navigate

lewis glad you found an outlet! but remember you can always talk to any of us

yourname i know and i appreciate it, i really do

alex yn was that twitter thread right?

yourname mate youre going to have to elaborate

alex user56tweetlink

yourname oh pretty much yeah

some things were changed with taylor but not much

fernando just listened to the song yn! very nice👍well done!

yourname thank uu

max good song yn!

now

lando can you please tell me what you meant on your twitch stream!

oscar max is kind of scary

max dont make me talk about that interview next oscar!

[were--ralph]

Hey i saw you ranting about trans men on a post, and i was just wondering a few things. This is a genuine question, as a stelth trans man, i really cant find anything about a pre op transitioning body attractive. Especially a pre op Chest. Now i do take testosterone, and i think that the parts that i find gross (ex: tits mixed with chest hair) are a perfectly acceptable thing to deal with so i can look the way i want to look. I love my body hair and my muscle growth, i just dont love the obviously not cis parts of me. What do you find attractive about this? I truely cannot for the life of me understand why people find trans men attractive but i would really like to understand.

I think spicy food is disgusting generally. it's like. hot and not fun and to me it adds nothing good to the food experience. Genuinely I don't understand why people enjoy hot foods it makes like. literally no sense.

and yet, people do. it's weird. I've tried on multiple occasions to get into spicy food and it just. suks. every single time it sucks. But everyone else in my family lives by it. And I've asked why for years literally unable to understand it until I realized.

sometimes people just. like things. things I certainly don't like and cannot enjoy whatsoever. But at the same time, this is true for me and not for them. I fucking love coffee to the point I drink it more than water most days, but no one else in my family likes it. BUT other people outside my family enjoy it too.

Life is weird and what I'm getting at is something that took me a lifetime to understand and I still can't wrap my head around it all the time.

People just like things. People love things and hate things. What things mean to one person can mean the world to another and death to the third. There's not always a reason for it, but what you have to do is accept that there are things in life that you just might not like much right now. but as time goes on you'll find value in it the same way your partner will find value in you and all the minuscule things you do and become and like and dislike.

And to build on that point, there are things I hated as a kid that I'm fine with and even love now. Each day changes you more than you'll ever know and with those changes, the acceptance that comes with them may be easier or harder.

So, to answer your question, I don't know! I just love men. Men with tits or pecs, men with vaginas or dicks. maybe both at the same time or neither at all! I just think men are generally attractive no matter the design or what's different about them. and not just men but people who present as masc in general. If you're masc nb there's a chance I'm looking at you through the window of a bar as much as if you were cis-male or trans-male.

I do know for some men, the allure of masculinity displaced with the typically-feminine concept of a vagina intrigues them. Maybe it's the juxtaposition of them together, maybe they just want something unique and new to them. Maybe they just really like vaginas and it doesn't matter who it's attached to, or maybe they just like trans men. Same thing with boobs, some guys just like boobs. Some men have boobs. the overlap doesn't mean net-negative results, it could be double positive.

And I don't expect you to love everything about yourself, god knows I don't love everything about myself, and despite people telling me what's good about me I can still find flaws within it whenever I choose. I think men with chest hair are hot as fuck, but also I've seen some smooth men that are just as if not hotter. I love me a fat man or a man with muscles, but i've seen twinks i'd demolish in one sitting as well. I've seen men with dicks and boobs and scars and and hair pretty much everything under the sun and sometimes I want them to sit on me and forget I'm there and smother me.

What you do have to do though is accept that you have those things, and you are those things, and even though you may not like those things you have to accept that they're a part of you and find value in that. And it's not an easy task at all to love yourself, but you have to try because even if you don't right now, there's a partner who will be waiting for you somewhere. there's a future version of you who loves you as you are. there are friends who love your flaws, pets who don't judge, and there are a lot of things that accept you as you are.

So just say you have boobs and chest hair. even if you don't love it about yourself right now know that there are and will always be people who do, and personally I've said before, but I wish i had boobs and chest hair it's just a perfect look to me. I'm fine with whatever my gender is, i just think its a good look. If I had money for top and bottom surgery I'd get it and never look back. You just have to find the value in yourself we all know is there, and if you can't just know that we know it's there and let that carry you through the day!

[champion-of-love]

thinking about pink squad being the resident party throwers in ever after and all the shenanigans they get up to when planning

in the books, briar had the position of social throne on the student council (or something similar cant remember) so i just know that she has 100% memorized all the forms and steps on procedures on throwing events at eah.

apple wishes she has the same mastery as briar in paperwork. the girl can do budget proposals, logistical planning, role assigning, and etc in her sleep and thats not exaggerating.

(true hearts day being held in secret was an exception since grimm shot the event down as cupid suggested it. all their other events are approved by the school and grimm himself is going crazy trying to find a reason to reject their request but cant find a flaw in briar's event proposals.)

cupid is 'their guy' if they need anything. no matter how weird, how rare, how obscure, cupid knows how to get it. she just knows where to get it or knows someone who can get it for her ;)

girlie always has a delivery incoming to the point that blondie knows how to fake cupids signature so she could shoo away all the delivery birds that come to their dorm room because they need cupids signature before they could drop off their package.

hopper's their distraction guy. while he's not as charismatic in his human form, he's got a silver tongue in his frog form.

it isnt only just grimm who falls for hoppers made up play, but every teacher and professor falls for it too because he's just that good. made up plays, clubs, assemblies. he knows how to lie well enough that any school offical believe the lies coming out of his mouth.

(i know theyre teens still, but you cannot convince me that no one is drinking at any of these parties. theres no pressure to drink at all but the option's there if you wanna get loose and have a lil buzz. they're eventually going to drink alcohol in the future in balls and dances and such, so why not learn about their personal tastes and tolerance in alcohol now?)

the biggest hurdle in the pink squad's goal of getting happily ever wasted is, unfortunately, apple.

apple is a rule follower to her very essence and while she does go to the parties, she is against underage drinking. (but she's drunk on power all the time, okay jan.)

they figured out that the solution is just to always have a bowl of apple juice out in every party so that apple wouldnt know there's alcohol being served. they noticed that unless there wasnt any apple juice out, apple wouldnt try out any other drink. so with a bowl charmed to never run out of a.j., the students of ever after are free to drink as they please.

(i love the hc that ginger is also part of the pink squad, so im gonna give my hc of her in party planning as well)

ginger is their food and snacks girl. she makes the best food ever perfectly themed to the party that theyre throwing. from heart cakes on true hearts day, light finger food for the rager parties, to five course meals on their more classy events, ginger's got them covered. sometimes, she gets too conscious about what other people think of the food that she forgets to enjoy herself, but the pink squad drag her out of her funk and get her to have fun anyways

not members of the pink squad but people who sometimes help out

melody - the best dj in ever after! she uses these events sometime to test the reception to some of her upcoming songs before she releases them

daring - being blackmailed by cupid to act as a medic in case someone gets hurt. (this is also partly based on my cupid and daring friendship fic hjdjskr). he's the best in rescuing damsels, whats a drunk teen of not a damsel? (he's actually really good at giving first aid tho)

darling - security! they do have bouncers and such, but if anyones getting too rough at a party, they can get darling and a look from her gets the troublemaker running in fear or apologizing profusely

blondie - apart from committing forgery in cupid's name, she also gets the word out on her mirror blog when they have an event happening soon!

[cinnbar-bun]

One Piece Characters w/ an S/O who celebrates Ramadan

Characters: Luffy, Sanji, Crocodile, Robin

Rating: SFW

Notes: Muslim!GN!Reader. So yeah, obvy talking about religious beliefs and practices- if those make you uncomfortable please feel free to skip <3

A/n: this is for me and the three other Muslim OP fans here just vibing 😂 cultural notes at the bottom in case you didn't know/just curious about some of the terms here.

Luffy 

Absolutely does not get it, I think he has a heart attack hearing the words “no food or water” and does not listen to anything else after. 

“WHY CANT WE EAAAAT??? WHAT????” 

Blows his mind you would do this… he’s trying his best, poor guy <3

I GOTTA STRESS HE IS TRYING- HE WANTS TO DO THIS WITH YOU 

But you know, he’s Luffy, so that means after an hour or two he gives up and just raids the kitchen. 

Task failed but you know he’ll always stay up late for iftar and wake up early for suhur. 

Sanji 

He at first thought you were trying to- god forbid- starve yourself or diet and nearly screamed. 

When you explain the reasoning, he’s touched and wants to support you! So that means he’s absolutely doing everything he can to make sure you’re hydrated and getting all the nutrients you can get whenever you can. 

He makes you a completely separate dish from the others while you’re working or resting (so your food is fresh and ready when you break your fast!). 

Self-indulgent thought he’s so so so on top of things when it comes to your meals in general, he will never put wine or meat in your meals, and he makes to sure clean the area and use separate pans for when he cooks your meals. Absolutely refuses to give you anything that goes against your beliefs (I need him in my life). 

Please, he’s buying you dates and getting up with you to make sure you’re drinking plenty of water and eating right. Sleep schedule be damned, he’s not messing around with your health!!!!

Crocodile 

Now, he’s one of the few who actually knows what Ramadan is- he’s made Alabasta his “home” for a while and has participated in many celebrations or events to keep up appearances.

He kinda just humors you at first like “yeah, yeah, go be spiritual or whatever” and chuckles at you with that sexy voice of his. 

But he sees how dedicated you are, maybe sees you reading or praying and okay… his heart kinda melts. He’s never really believed in such things, not finding it useful for him, but seeing you just kinda makes him curious. 

Easily can fast alongside you, he just doesn’t make a big deal of it and insists that it’s simply due to him ‘not feeling hungry’ or ‘finding it boring to eat alone’ (sure, sure you big tsun). 

Makes sure your chefs are giving you only the best and freshest foods possible- he’s especially harsh about the food when it comes to Ramadan. 

I’m trying so hard not to inject my MENA!Croc addled brain into this piece so so hard I AM TRYING OKAY GUYS 

But can you imagine him going to the mosque with you or listening to you discuss or read the Quran and he’s just playing it cool but his eyes are so drawn to you and he wonders if you’re an angel and that he really, really does not deserve someone like you because he’s done so many bad things and wheeeeeeze-

Robin 

She’s an elegant and refined woman, one who will 100% want to be involved in your traditions. 

She finds your beliefs fascinating and takes it upon herself to join you in your Ramadan. 

It took her a bit of getting used to, but after a few days, it quickly grew on her. 

Robin likes having tea with you during suhur, alongside a few fresh fruits Sanji had gotten. Light meals are best for her and she prefers to enjoy your company and take it easy before the dawn. 

She likes to keep track of the days and times of when you two begin and break your fasts- she’ll make sure to keep note of the Shawwal moon so you two (and the rest of the crew) can celebrate the Eid together!

Since it’s a time of reflection, Robin decides to sit quietly and talk about her feelings and experiences with you. She did have some reservations and guilt that she was too “demonic” to celebrate this with you, but through your encouragement, she felt better and continued it alongside you. 

Oh, she loves getting the henna done, too. She makes sure to have lots of flowers on her arms and is in love with the patterns.

Cultural Notes: 

Ramadan is the 9th month of the Islamic calendar, which is based on the lunar cycle- hence why you’ll often see debates on when Ramadan starts/ends or why it begins about a week or two earlier than before, since the lunar calendar is shorter than the solar calendar (or Gregorian, the one we normally use). 

Muslims fast for a month from dawn until sunset (there are restrictions of course) so no water or food from that time. 

Sahur/Suhur/Suhoor: the meal you eat before the dawn comes. 

Iftar: the meal you eat to break your fast at sunset. 

Shawwal is the 10th month of the Islamic calendar, so Ramadan ends when you see the Shawwal moon that starts a new month. 

Eid: the big celebration that marks the end of Ramadan. Usually you go do a special prayer or have a big gathering with your family and enjoy yourselves.

[glitterjay]

do u write poly? cuz since i saw this (https://x.com/baekwoniee/status/1804722513248710738?t=llnKbmNUddMJtFrYH9MFoQ&s=19) i can't stop thinking about being sandwiched between them lolol

can it be a lil suggestive? ☝🏼👁

link!

⭒ poly relationship, bf!jayke, short, suggestive content implied at the end, minors dni

⭒ c's note: i dont mind writing threesomes or ploy relationships, but i cant promise you whatever comes out will be good...

⭒ taglist (open): @hollyoongs @fertilizedtoesw

being loved by two handsome men at the very same time was thee life. having jay's act of services around and jake's playful and fun personality was the perfect combo and perfect balance.

today's case was having a movie date at home, where you'd watch movies all day with your two boyfriends and enjoy their presence. as jay got some food ready, you and jake tried to set up the living room for the occasion. blankets and pillows where getting tossed on the couch to create a "big nest" as jake called it.

once you were done, you both cuddled up next to each other waiting for jay so you could start your movie marathon. you had settled on watching the marvel series as they were pretty long and they would take some time to go through.

"jay, dude, hurry up! we'll start without you."

"im here, im here. why did i settle up with the most impatient people in the whole world..." he joked, leaving the food he brought from the kitchen in the coffee table.

"because you love us!" you said, scooting closer to jake's side to leave some space for jay. "come here, lets cuddle while we watch."

-

two hours had passed already, and you could tell both men were starting to get bored. jake was starting to yawn very often, and jay was busy scrolling through his phone, ignoring the movie. an idea popped in your head and it was time to start working.

you huffed at jay to get his attention, jake not paying much attention to his surrounding, and you took the phone from his hands. "i thought we were watching a movie, not our phones! get off of it." he chuckled and nodded in defeat, but you were not done just yet. you took his hand and placed it on your thigh, using the excuse that he couldnt move it away or else he's grab his phone again.

to him it was just an innocent way to get him to actually watch the movie, but you knew he'd start moving his hand up and down sometime soon. he always did.

now you turned your attention to jake, who had one arm wrapped around your waist, so you were basically stuck to his side. he was already making direct contact with you, less work to do.

you simply faked a yawn and grabbed the arm that was loosely resting on your hip, bringing it up to rest under your shirt on your tummy. now you had them where you wanted them. you where almost squished between them, having them make direct contact with your body that would soon tempt them into doing more.

"why dont we make our own movie?"

© glitterjay | tumblr

[fuyuu-chan]

Few Bits of Your Life with Sylus <3

Warning: OOC (this was made pre-release of Sylus) not proofread either

Genre: Fluff

Fuyuu-chan: so i have many fic ideas about sylus, look forward to it lmao, but this is the first thing i finished even though this was not my first idea about him but anyway 乁⁠[⁠ᓀ⁠˵⁠▾⁠˵⁠ᓂ⁠]⁠ㄏ enjoy! ✨

✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

with sylus, yeah you can explore and try new hobbies or try to learn something you suddenly took interest in.

for example, cooking. this man cooks delicious. one night you were watching him cook intently and sensing you watching him. "Why are you looking like that?" "I have the urge to suddenly learn how to cook"

"And you just though about that now?" he raised an eyebrow before looking back at his cooking. "You could've thought about it before, like how did you even survive with just take outs and going to restaurants?" he says.

"Okay that's rude, at least i still ate, and restaurants serve good food" you says as you playfully roll your eyes. "not good as mine and its unhealthy" he states. "But if you actually want to learn then i'll teach you" he continued as he looks back at you after turning off the stove.

after that conversation a few days passed before he get to thought you about cooking since you two got busy about missions. he did let you pick what kind of dish you wanted to learn, he was taken aback when you said you want to learn his favorite food, he thought you wanted to learn first about your favorite, but he was happy nonetheless. the kitchen did get a bit messy but in the end you did it (mostly him tho). 

after a few more tries in other days, he finally let you do it in your own and surprisingly you did finish and actually made a decent and edible food.

the taste, its alright, need some improvement  but he was proud that you're able to do it in your own so you can make a dish and not just fried foods or take outs whenever you're by yourself due to him being away. after that he get to teach you how to cook other meals like your favorite and other more.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

singing, oh my...sylus voice already sounds good but while singing. heaven bro. heaven. i tell you.

you love hearing his singing, and whenever he hums. you always request to him to sing or hum something before sleeping, it helps you sleep faster. to be honest he feels a bit embarrassed and shy to do it (he's stubborn about it too) the first time you requested about it but he got used to it now, and he is happy to fulfill that. he would spoon you while he plays with your hair and sing you a song (mostly your favorite songs) and once you fell asleep. gurl i tell you, you always have sweetest of dreams ever and a good night rest even have a tiny smile while sleeping in which he finds adorable <3. cant change my mind

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

let me tell you something. this man sylus is fashionable. i can feel it. like he knows what styles suits him. and he's there to slay.

like imagine being a fashion couple. IMAGINE. and you noticed how he also wear accessories in his clothes, like some chains in his pants with his belt and all. that's why you convinced him to wear jewelries, matching ones to be exact, i mean you have to take advantage of the situation, like if he is gonna wear jewelries at least match with him. (one of the reasons he starts and styling his outfits with jewelries) ALSO MATCHING OUTFITS. it could be colors, designs or style!!

so yeah, shopping it is. you bought matching rings, necklace and earrings. IMAGINE WHAT HE WOULD LOOK LIKE AAAAHHHHHH

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

okay. so sylus is a boxer right? he would definitely teach you moves. to further increase your knowledge in self defense. i mean yes you know how to defend yourself and all but there's no harm learning more. so yeah he would become your personal trainer. how cool is that more time spent with him. and you two would also workout together regularly. (and to have a chance to admire his muscles too LMAO okay IM SO DOWN BAD BYEE)

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

LATE NIGHT DRIVES.

you and sylus always meets at a parking space where you two can hangout freely with no people, since at night theres usually no cars here nor people, its just you two, and the air feels good too. you two hangout/meet there after missions.

now is one of those days. you two are the only ones there at the parking lot as usual, just talking to each other about the missions you two just finished or how it is going.

you two would mostly spend time chatting for an hour or two but after, you two would drive together, using your own motorbikes, going around city having the time of your life. and he would either be beside you driving or behind you to watch over you and make sure you're alright. i mean its dangerous driving in the dark, even though you're used to it its better to make sure. better safe than sorry.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

i would like to believe that this man would be so neat and tidy person. like he cleans the house, its literally sparkling when he cleans, he is also organize in his things. like when he also arranges furnitures (i can feel he does that too) and when one time you ask where your thing is that you put in the coffee table, he would be like "oh i put it in the bedside table in the bedroom"

the next time that he cleans tho or arranges things he would inform you or put it somewhere you would easily notice so you wont have a hard time. he is considerate and mindful after what happened.

so having this man in the house, is amazing. you're not the only one who will clean cause he will help you no matter what (actually he would have volunteered to be the only one who cleans but since you always insist). i think he would also be more of the type of person who tends to be more neat compared to the two of you.

(⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

one more thing, peaceful reading with sylus. he's a reader himself. he loves reading, and definitely treasures that time with you.

would visit different libraries and bookstores. you two literally collects lots of books and even have a library of your own in your house.

ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ

Please do not copy, translate, repost to any other social media, Thank you

[bangchansgirlsblog]

Can I please request Skz x 9th member with s3lfh4rm like…the boys trying to help and all those things (you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to)

The stages of healing.

warning: eating disorder and mentions of self harm.

Pairing: Skz x 9th member

Summary: the stages are healing are hard but Chan and the boys are here for you.

!not proofread!

Hope you enjoy this bby!

-🩷

*

"Baby you have to eat something" Chan says while pushing the plate back to my side of the table.

We were currently sat in the dining room and everyone had finished eating their breakfast leaving me and chan (who had also finished eating his breakfast) alone.

"Chan I don't want too, I'm full" I complain while looking at the full plate infront of me. It was obviously untouched but i could'nt bring myself to eat it. It was taunting me.

"You only had two bites and we have training all day today, I don't want you passing out my love. You need to eat something," He says while rubbing my back. He was being gentle i cant lie there but the worryb and frustration in his voice caused me to feel more guilthy at the fact that my brain was a constant maze and battle zone when it came to eating

"Look you can atleast just eat the mashed potatoes and peas so you can give you energy. Trust me it wont be bad," He tries to reason with me but I shake my head no. I was so full and food gave me so much anxiety.

I didn't want to grow fat, I wouldn't allow it.

"Channie I don't want too, please don't make me." I beg him while fiddling with my fingers.

"Baby, I'm starting to get worried. You only have one meal a day and when you do, you barely eat. Please don't make me forcefully feed you." his voice was soft and his touch was so warm. i knew he meant well bu the contant voices in my head wouldnt allow me to do anything.

I look at him terrified, mortified because would he really? I knew Chan was stronger than me but he wouldn't pin me down just to make me eat...right?

"Okay Mashed potatoes only." I sigh looking at the plate. Trying not to cry.

"There we go Babygirl" he smiles and kisses my temple. His eyes twinkle and i couldnt help but also smile at how pretty he was.

"what?" he asks chuckling

"your just so pretty"

"ugh stop changing the subject and eat" his cheeks were now a ligh pink and his ears turned a dark red. he rolls his eyes playfully and runs his hand through his hair.

"Yo Chan," Han says coming into the room and looking over at me and Chan. He gives him "the look".

"Is she having trouble eating again?" Han asks worried and Chan nods his head.

"But it's fine she's eating her potatoes today.”

Han smiles at that and comes over to ruffle my hair.

“I’m proud of you kid.” He beams and I poke out my tongue causing him to laugh.

"Chan can you help me look for the flash drive before we leave?" Han asks,

"Yeah sure, babe eat up. I'll be back." He tells me and leaves the room with Han. I let out a sigh of relief and quickly stand up and dunk all the food into the trash can. My heart was beating because I prayed that Chan would take long looking for the Flash drive but luck wasn't on my side because he came right back into the kitchen.

"Hey-" he stops and looks up from his phone. "are you done?"

"I finished them." I said smiling, well whatever you call a plastic smile. A guilty smile.

"You finished all the mashed potatoes?" He says coming close to me. I nod trying to avoid his eye contact.

"Okay then." He simply says before walking to the trash can.

"N-no don't look in there-" I try to stop him but it's too late. He had already opened it and looked inside. He turned to look at me and he was so mad I could tell.

"Your a liar." He growls. i gulp knowing the concequences of my actions.

"i ate half of them?" i sigh and look up at him. He just shakes his head and lets out a frustrated sigh.

"i dont get it! why dont you want to eat anymore? We were doing so well,"

"is everything okay in here?" Felix's head pops up at the corner of the door.

"she just threw out all her food-"

"again? thats the 4th time this week." he frowns and makes his way into the the room.

"exactly my point,"

"i did eat chan, i ate half the potatoes-" i tug on my long sleeves sweaters and look at the both of them.

He frowns and looks down then back up, searching for my eyes.

“Can I see your wrists?” He asks looking back down at my fingers. His eyes were furrowed. Almost in like a confused way?

My eyes go wide at his request but I quickly shove them away.

“Chan they’re ugly, I don’t want you to see them.” I frown. My voice quivers. The tears that had disappeared were now reappearing.

“Chan I haven’t been cutting I promise-“

“Then let me see, I know you too well my love. Let me see.” His eyes are soft now and were reaching out for both my hands that were covered with my hoodies sleeves.

I sigh and give in. His hands are soft against mine but he pulls up the sleeves. He examines the scars that were now slowly healing. His lips in a soft smile.

“See I told you, I promised you I stopped.”

“Hey hey hey and I’m so proud of you. I just wanted to make sure because I care and love you. You’re doing a good job healing.” his hands wrap around my waist and pull me against his body.

“Ew gross get a room.” Felix says killing our moments. Chan chuckles and pushes him away.

"The cars are here everbody!" Hyunjins voice echoes through the house.

"okay this conversation isnt over yet, here take the banana and we'll talk about it after practice yeah?" he kisses my forhead and hands me the banana before we grab our bags and make our way to the car.

"go ahead eat it, im watching you." chan raises one eyebrow while staring at me. "She still isnt eating?" Leeknow asks after listening to our conversation.

"i am! chans just being a overprotective," i sigh and peel the banana.

"i am not!" he defends himself and i let out a giggle while slowly starting to chew the banana and finishing it. "see i told you," i poke my tongue out at him and he let out a little laugh.

"okay whatever but your still having lunch with me." i mentally sigh dreading the feeling of the banana sitting in my stomach.

i play with chans's silver braclet as we wait to arrive at the jyp building. It didnt take long. It was just a 15 minute ride once we arrived. we all make our way up the building to our normal dance room and set everything up.

"lets start with stretching and then get to God's menu, yeah?" we all groan as we get to our places and minho plays the song.

*

[janovavalen]

IT CANT BE OVER .°୭̥ ❁ ˎˊ˗ || carmen ‘carmy’ berzatto x fem!reader

summary: when carmy finds out the sacrifices y/n has made over the years of them dating, he can’t take anymore of himself ruining the possibilities of her life.

warnings: cursing, smoking, stress, braking up, a fight/argument (more on a important subject not a bad argument), angst, fluff.

w.c: 2,695

it had been a busy day and carmy was ready to go home and completely sink in the bed and his long term girlfriend, y/n. he had been thinking about her the whole day to keep him up on his feel instead of crashing out mid day.

sighing as he and his team continued to clean up the remaining left over foods, dishes, loose trashes and other discarded items. while he was in his office typing in his work he finally was done and he sighed.

placing a hand over his face while he groaned a bit he got a smooth vibration in his back pocket where his phone was. grabbing up as he stood up he say a text from you saying you couldn’t wait for him to come home and taste your new dessert you made just for him. he smiled with the warmth on his face growing.

sending back a text with a pink heart emoji as you sent a kissing one back and hearted his message. with a small smile on his face he placed his phone back into his pocket and made his way into the main kitchen where everyone had been having a small snack and chatting before they went home.

they happened to do this every time the day ended, mostly on a busy day or a stressful one.

‘cousin! you did good today’ his cousin, richie commented whine placing his hand out in front of him and giving him a quick snack as well. carmy took it with a smile and nodded.

‘yeah, you guys though? did amazing, thank you all for the work today, i mean it. thank you guys so much, enjoy the snacks, and i’ve gotta go—‘

‘whoa, whoa! where are you going?’ sugar asked while she sat up a bit from her once leaning position. richie laughed a bit while pointing at carmy who looked a bit confused.

‘probably to talk sweet nothings and make love to his beautiful, amazing, sweet sweetheart girlfriend’ he joked while they all laughed a bit at the small joke that only made carmen roll his eyes.

‘real fuckin’ funny’ he commented while looking at richie who placed a hand on his shoulder for forgiveness at his joke.

‘no, but guys, they're so cute! i mean it, the way they look at each other is adorable, really.’ sydney said while eating her snack and looking at carmy who smiled a bit at the thought of y/n.

‘see? see! he’s blushing right now!’ richie joked once more as carmy looked up in a quick motion—‘okay! dude, get the fuck off of me!’ he yelled out with a grin as richie practically jumped on him.

‘wow! i still can’t believe she has that bakery down the street, here i thought she’d be long gone by now’ richie commented whine taking a bite of his snack.

carmy looked at him in confusion while the rest of them looked down at their hands and the floor.

he took notice at how quiet the room got and how the tension seemed to build within. not feeling good about what he said he scrunched his eyebrows and asked—‘what—what do you mean by that? what do you mean long gone?’ he stammered a bit with his attention on his cousin.

richie turned his head as he looked confusingly at carmy—‘what do you mean? what she didn’t tell you she had that offer up in italy and new york a bit years back? she got another offer from italy again not to long ago, you didn’t know?’ richie asked with scrunched eyebrows.

carmy felt his whole world move slow. y/n had a offer up in separate places and she didn’t go? but why? she could’ve went he wouldn’t have minded—maybe most definitely would’ve missed her but he had no problem with flying to see her when he had the chances. why didn’t she tell him? why didn’t she go, she could’ve had a lot of things going for her in those areas and she chose to stay?

looking at the floor with his hands shaking a bit he looked around the room. sugar looked at richie and rolled her eyes while placing her hand on her head, sydney clearing her throat and turning her head away from the situation.

‘wait so…so what? when did she tell you this?’ carmy asked richie who seemed to pick up on the fact he just said what he wasn’t supposed to say.

‘oh…y’know what? i think i got the people mixed up—y’know my friend and her look crazy alike so i think i got them—‘

‘don’t fuck with me richie, don’t fucking fuck with me right now, when did she tell you?’ carmy demanded as his voice rose and echoed through the room.

richie looked at the girls for help as they rolled their eyes once more and turned—‘uhm…a year ago or so man…and the other last month…she didn’t want me to tell you—‘

‘so you don’t? what the fuck! you don’t hide this shit from me!—‘

‘she didn’t want me to tell you because of how your acting man! look at how mad you are right now! you know y/n can’t handle you when you're like this!’ richie added as carmy scoffed and placed his hand over his face.

‘fuck!’ he yelled before walking out of the restaurant and making a rush home.

sugar and sydney looked at richie who shrugged—‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’ sydney said as she decided it was time to go home for the night.

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ 🥘　˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

when he got home the apartment was dimly lit with the many candles y/n had bought, her salt rocks, and some other warm light items she got so that they could use anything but the big light. she claimed it made the house look nasty.

the smell of sweetness and vanilla filled the air around him as he placed his keys on the table next to their door. he couldn’t get what just happened and what he just was told out of his mind. he needed to talk to her, he needed to fix this.

‘carmy! hi, how was work?’ y/n came around the corner with a cup of wine in her hand and his shirt on as pajamas with no pants on. her slippers he got her a bit ago. giving him a warm hug as he wrapped his arms around her tightly, his arm wrapping around her with her arm wrapped around his upper body.

‘oh you feel all shaken up, what’s wrong?’ she noticed his quietness and his face, the way his hands didn’t know where else to go but her or his own hands. placing her wine cup down onto the island table he shook his head.

‘nothin’ it’s nothin’ baby, i just found something out and i don’t know what to do—‘ his breath shaky as she looked at him with her soft kind face, her eyebrows pulled up a bit while shaking her head slowly.

‘awh, it’s okay. we can sit on the couch and talk about whatever it is…come on.’ she reached down and placed his hand in her slightly smaller one as the warmth from his hand completely melted her cold ones.

he couldn’t help but feel his stomach turning in pain and feeling like he’d pass out in any second.

when the comfort of their couch, she laid both of her legs next to her as she held his hands. carmy sitting next to her as she pulled him closer to her. his head falling into the warm embrace between her neck and shoulder.

he could smell her recently used body wash and body oils she loved so much. she always commented about how she was scared of smelling bad but the truth is she never smelt anything but amazing since the first time they met.

her hand rubbing his back in a soft touch while she moved it up and down to comfort him she started to speak—‘what’s the matter? did something happen at work? was it about the restaurant again?’ she asked as he mumbled—‘no..no it’s something else, something worse’ he commented.

he could hear her heart beating slowly in her chest as his head didn’t move from her, she made her hands way up to the nape of his hair while she rubbed it slowly.

‘did you want to—‘

‘why didn’t it go?’ he finally asked. y/n was confused but immediately caught on and tired to play it off.

‘go where baby? where would i go? who said what to you?’ she asked. her eyebrows frowned while continuing to rub his hair.

sitting up from her slowly while he looked in her eyes he could tell she knew what he was talking about—‘y/n please…don’t play with me right now—‘

‘i’m not? i’m not carmy, where would i go?’ she asked again while her hand tried to make it’s way back to his own only for him to scoot back and shake his head—‘no, y/n please baby please, don’t do that…richie told me you had a offer to leave years ago and last month and you didn’t go—why didn’t you go? you could’ve been someone big, something important—‘

‘carmen i don’t have anything in italy or in new york so i don’t go? why are you upset at me for my choices?’ she asked in a bit of anger and confusion.

he knew what he had to do when it came to the two of them and this was the best thing—‘you deserve any and everything and i can’t give you half of it, what you could’ve had you just tossed it away for what?’

‘what do you mean for what?’ she asked while still seated on the couch.

‘you threw away any and everything you could’ve had for what!’

‘for you! i did it for you, carmen! why wouldn’t i? i didn’t have anything there but i have everything here! i have you and our friends, my family and my friends and i don’t regret what i did!’ she started to raise her voice as carmen placed his hands on his face.

‘no, no, y/n that’s bullshit and you know it! you don’t need to be here for me i could’ve went to you whenever i could and you chose to stay here for what? for me? for our friends, family? that’s fucking stupid—‘

‘don’t you fucking dare call my reasoning stupid!’ she stood up with her finger pointed at him in defense.

‘i will! i fucking will! you let yourself be set so far back for something so simple when you could’ve had it all? y/n i love you i really do, but what you did was so fuckin’ stupid!’ he yelled once more as she scoffed and rolled her eyes. her once calm demeanor gone and replaced with anger and frustration.

‘you shut the fuck up and stop telling me how i should feel on what i did! you don’t get to carmen—‘

‘we’re done’ he simple said as y/n stopped yelling completely while she looked at him. her eyes started to fill up quickly with tears as she scoffed and shook her head.

if she wouldn’t leave because of him, then he’d simply let her go.

‘what…’ she spoke but it barely came out from the break in her voice. the lump in both of their throats growing.

‘we can’t be together anymore y/n—‘

‘what are you talking about? don’t—no you can’t carmen…i let those opportunities go because i wanted to and if i wanted to go i would have—‘

‘no y/n you wouldn’t have and we both know it…we know if you really wanted to you’d go, fuck—you’ve mentioned how much you wanted to go to italy when we first met!’ he remembered how it was always one of her biggest dreams since she was a child and learned that her father wanted her to go.

shaking her head as he walked to the bathroom trying to convince her he was done she looked around the room and let the tears fall from her face before speaking—‘carmen please don’t—you don’t have to leave me for this? this is fucking stupid carmen, come on! think for a minute please?’ she said while going into their shared room to see him looking around with his hand on his face.

‘y/n…please, you have so much to give to others and i’m just me—baby, i'm just me, and your you—‘

‘what’s that have to do with anything?’ she cut him off while he shook his head.

‘carmen…listen to me on this please, please?’ seeing carmen look up at her with tears in his eyes she slowly walked over to him trying not to set off something that would involve him in walking away once more. he let her get close with his head hung low.

‘please?’ she whispered once more with her tears falling once more, standing in front of him he broke completely and placed his head against her stomach where she stood. she felt her heart drop when he did so she placed her hands along his head and planted her hands in his hair.

combining through it his shoulders shook as he let himself cry. y/n felt how her cheeks were wet with the tears she once cried while she held him—‘why didn’t you go?’

he asked once more while his face moved to the side, the left side of face pressed against her warm clothed body. she smiled softly down at him—‘what would i have? everything i need is here.’ she repeated her last statement leaving him to let a tear fall once more.

‘y/n you could’ve had it all—‘

‘you are my all, carmen. your all i’d ever want. what’s in italy and new york if you're here? i could always go with you, i don't want to go alone.’ she told him as she placed her hand on the sides of his face, he let her slowly move his face to look at her. her hands placed on each side of his face and he thumbs moving slowly over his washed tears.

smiling slowly at him he stood him, his hight a bit over her own leaving her to follow his eyes and watch him stand over her. his body pressed against her own as he placed his hands on both sides of her face and leaned in to kiss her sweetly.

the kiss was soft, loving, they moved in synch as she placed her arms over his shoulders, his own hands placed around her body to hold her slightly off the ground.

when they pulled away, carrmy shook his head slowly—‘i can’t believe you passed up italy twice.’ he said with disapproval. she smiled a bit while shaking her own head—‘i can’t believe you tried to break up with me over it.’

he looked to the side in a quick motion and hissed slightly in remembrance—‘i didn’t mean i just thought it would help you—let you? leave me? i didn’t mean it, i swear—‘

‘carmy! i know, it’s okay’ she said while placing her hand on his face again to pull him into a kiss. when they pulled apart once more he spoke—‘if i remember correctly, you had something ready for me?’ he said while his hands rested on her waist.

she hummed while nodding her head—‘yes i do, it’s waiting for you’ she smiled while placing her hand in his to take him to the kitchen.

‘mm, maybe after i could have another sweet thing?’ he asked me while looking her up and down—she turned around with genuine curiosity—‘what would you want?’ she asked, seeing if she could make him something else.

‘oh but what i want can’t be baked’ he commented. looking at him in confusion she finally caught on and laughed out with her hands over the mouth. he smiled at her embarrassed expression and made his way over to her with his hands meeting her waist once more and flooding. her with kisses