#why can't you just do 10
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mythicalcoolkid · 4 months ago
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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bixels · 6 months ago
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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ohnopeh · 5 months ago
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i love the idea that ian finally understands he had been making mickey believe he wasn't loved enough for not singing the paper.
he goes to mickey showing a ring and mickey is hopeful but also wary of what is happening, then ian says it
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i love ian, but darling, you can be a bit dumb (its okay you are learning)
what could have mickey possibly thought? that ian will marry him cause gallagher keep their promises? that's all to it? is it not because he supposedly loves him and genuinely wants that?
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the look on mickey's face as he realises what ian said makes me think that it was the moment mickey fears were ''confirmed''. ian didn't love him enough, of course he wouldn't, why would he? ian bought the promise ring, yes, but he still wouldn't wear it but hang it on his neck where he can hide it, is mickey not it? and then mickey says it
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he realises mickey had been thinking ian didn’t love him and that’s it, he tried many times. by coming out, being there during the whole diagnosis, being broken up with but still thinking of him and hoping to be together, thinking he will be with him in mexico and then getting himself back to prison so that he can be with him, support him through all that. but that was it. he didn't have it in him to fight for them anymore, he had the rights to finally put himself first and say ''that's enough''. ‘you don’t love me enough now, and that’s fine, it’s cool.’
but ian fucked up. he now knows that mickey believed he wasn't enough, he wasn't the right one for ian.
it didn't even cross his mind that it could have been a possibility, cause since the diagnosis, ian had been so sure that he wasn't worth of mickey and the pain that comes by being around him, loving him.
so ian thinks : how can you ever be so sure you love me? how can you even possibly be in love with me when i have such disorder that won't make it easy for you? what do you even see in me to think i'm worth all of that?
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the only explaination ian can think of for someone like mickey to fight so hard for their relationship to work is that : he's either crazy or he never experienced any other type of relationship before.
cause ian has, ian has dated other people after mickey and none of them loved him. one cheated on him, gaslighting him that it was okay cause it was a chick and not a guy. the other made it a challange for ian to be attracted to him, didn't respect ian when it came to his trauma regarding monica, didn't really care about ian being off his meds, being more concerned that his mania was making him the star of the news and not what trevor really wanted. mickey had never done that, mickey had always been there for ian and he knows that— he knows that mickey is the one he loves and the one that will do anything for him. he broke up with him because he loved mickey too much and wanted him to be free.
being with those people made it impossible for ian to even pretend that mickey wasn't the one he loved and that loved him back.
but mickey? he never had a relationship other than the one with ian, so how could he know that ian is the one if he never dated anyone else? someone ‘normal’, someone that wouldn’t make him worry and watch for his mood swings?
ian is telling mickey that he has a choice to do better— he’s telling him that out there, there’s someone that won’t hurt him, that won’t make mickey think they’re not in love enough to take the big step with him. cause ian knows mickey is everything— but how could mickey know that ian is that for him too?
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i love how mickey’s expression changes as ian speaks. it's the moment it hits him that ian loves mickey enough, he loves him too much so that he questions himself just as much, deciding for both of them (once again) what mickey needs and who he shouldn't be with.
and i love that mickey finally understands everything, he understands why ian broke up with him in s5 and tried to move on and pretend mickey wasn’t what he wanted. mickey's first reaction is just to shake his head and say ''jesus christ, ian.''
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and ian looks so confused, he might be thinking : what did i say wrong? i know i am right, you know that this is true. i'm a problem, i'm not worth it, can't you see? but that's mickey’s limit, it was ian’s moment to work on his not worthy of your love shit and realise that it’s all bullshit cause mickey is all in for them. he always has been no matter what.
and mickey knows so well that he can't do anything else to prove it to ian. he straight up tells him the answer to lip's ''figure out why you don't wanna marry him.'' 'cause he doesn't believe he's worth it. but mickey has proved him enough, mickey has told him what's ian true fear is and its not mickey's love for him that will fix it. it was ian's job to work through with it (and he did!! of course he did) back when this episode came out, i was so angry and frustrated about it, i guess growing up makes you see things differently uh?
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yuuchama · 1 month ago
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♠️🖋❤️
"This is bad." Deuce struggled to raise his head, instead slumping his shoulders and staring down at the notes in front of him. The writing started out neat and tidy but gradually became illegible, eventually fumbling off the page and marking the desk with ink.
Ace tried not to draw attention to the fit of giggles he had been overcome with. He kept looking away and clearing his throat now that the lecture had ended. Looking straight at Deuce without laughing was an impossible task.
"Dude..." he snickered. "That's a wild black eye you've got there."
"Shut it, Ace. If you knew I fell asleep during class, you should've woken me up."
Deuce sighed and buried his face in his hands, which only made things funnier. His palm smeared whatever eye makeup hadn't already been smudged, making him look beat up. His hands appeared to be covered in soot and a quarter of his face was a blurry mess of makeup instead of the usual elegant spade design.
It took a minute for Deuce to realize what happened. It was hard to tell if any got on his black uniform sleeves. He gazed at his dirty hands with despair. "Dang it. I don't have anything to fix this. The housewarden's gonna have my head."
Doubled over and clenching his stomach, Ace wiped a tear from his eye. At least one half of their combo remembered to seal his makeup that morning. "Don't sweat it! I have something that can help, don't worry."
It was a suspicious offer, but a sign of hope. Deuce would do anything if it meant avoiding Riddle's wrath. "Seriously? You carry black makeup? Uh, why?"
"Just in case! You should be thanking me instead of asking all these questions. What if I decide to change my mind, hmm?" Ace reached into his pencil case and started rooting around. He put on a great show of being serious. With one hand wrapped around something inside, he motioned for Deuce to come closer.
"Lean this way and close your eyes. There's not much time before Trein's next lecture."
Deuce grunted. Ace was right, and he didn't want to tarnish his future honor student reputation any further. The chair squeaked against the floor as he pushed it and swung his legs over the side. "I'll leave this to you, then. You can use the handkerchief in my bag."
"Great."
Ace hummed as he worked. Removing the blurry mess with Deuce's handkerchief came first, holding nothing back as he scrubbed his dorm mate's skin raw. Then it was time to reapply everything.
He gripped Deuce's chin, angling it upwards towards the light. "Hold still."
"Do you even know how to draw a spade?" Deuce asked.
"Hah? Who doesn't? What do you take me for?"
"It's just... you're taking a really long time to do this. Professor Trein's gonna come back soon."
"You really want to say that to the guy helping you out right now?"
Deuce got the point and remained silent. Applying his makeup usually didn't sting this much. He hoped he wouldn't get poked in the eye or have something inappropriate drawn in the end. Ace wouldn't go that far, right?
After a few blows to dry his face with Ace's gross breath, Deuce could finally relax. Ace proclaimed, "There. All done!"
"You really drew a spade, right?"
"Quit suspecting me! 'Course I did!" Ace turned to the student behind them. "Hey, what's this thing on Deuce's face look like?"
The student, caught off guard, glanced up from their phone. "Huh? The spade?"
"Yes, exactly. Thank you."
Deuce wished he had his handkerchief back to wipe the smug grin off Ace's face. "Alright, thanks. I really appreciate it, you've saved me."
"No problem, anytime. I'll even do your makeup tomorrow if you want." Ace began tidying up his desk space, straightening his notebook and putting his tools back, while Deuce returned his chair to its original position.
Deuce froze mid-chair scoot and narrowed his eyes. "What is that."
Ace pretended not to hear him. Deuce rose a shaky finger to his eye, gently tapping the sore skin.
He lowered his voice to a threat. "Dude. I swear to the Seven, if you just drew on my face with permanent marker..."
There was no time for Ace to enjoy the mischief, he had to stifle his laughter into his shirt as Trein finally returned and the students went quiet. He walked to the front podium and put his books down. A "pfft" snuck out the instant Deuce whacked Ace's chair with his foot.
A peeved off Deuce clenched his pen and mouthed, "this isn't over."
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deoidesign · 5 months ago
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Just a reminder, I have a patreon!!!
I've been working on actually making stuff to post more often for the lower tiers, and have been consistently doing so!
I post at least a few sketches and drawings every month for the $1 and up patrons
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and I've been working on episodes and sharing some updates with my $5 and up patrons
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And I have a merch club for $15 a month, but there's still some $10 slots left! I design and send usually a postcard and some stickers to my patrons every month, but sometimes I'll do some experimental stuff; last month I did foil prints, for instance, and a few months before I made magnets!
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It also gets you access to private channels in my discord server, where I ask for patron input on things like the merch or drawings, and where I sometimes stream while working :)
Buuuut also, even if you don't want any of this stuff, it's a great way to support me directly if you like my work! I'm still on hiatus so I'm not making any money from work at the moment, but I'm working hard and my patreon enables me at least to buy my groceries!
Here's the link one more time, no pressure of course but I need to promote my patreon more so people actually know it exists haha
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triglycercule · 8 days ago
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hhhhidea...,,,, CUTE idea (kinda?) dust reading to phantom papyrus during night to lull him to sleep,,,, but really its just a way for him to pretend that everythings not really that shit (as if phantom paps isn't just dust's denial incarnate) and to help him NOT wake up because of a nightmare again or something
(and just because i can't resist now im imagining this with mtt. not that dust stopped reading to paps in place of killer and horror (because he wouldnt he simply wouldn't) but now the two join them for storytime. horror knocks out pretty damn fast and eventually dust falls asleep too after he makes sure that paps is satisfied with the amount he read and then killer's just left to sit there. maybe he tries to fall asleep maybe he doesn't,,,, maybe he picks up the book and continues reading but EITHERWAY,,,,,, this scene in my head so 💥💥💥😇😇😇)
#sweet soft mtt taking OVER triglycercule's brain has been invaded with them.........#horror probably sleeps like a rock man. dust is a very very very light sleeper. killer doesn't sleep at all and when he does#its just like that half asleep state. better than nothing tho....... those weeks of not sleeping probably leads to the most delicious naps#now in an ideal world killer learns to get a proper sleep schedule even if he can't feel his exhaustion#however in MY mtt dominated world killer doesn't fix his sleep habits and instead just takes a shitton of naps everywhere#they killerfied the house (made everything softer to sleep on) and killer always has 2 walking pillows to sleep on#sure he might not get 8 hours of sleep like during night. but he got that over the day so its ok TRUSY#this surely wont have any bad side effects but whatever its the mtt since when do they care about PROPER habits. if it works it works#ik i aaaaalways say hrkl wouldn't like phantom paps and find it weird but also now im considering#like. them being jealous of dust for always having kinda papyrus with him#like damn..... horror fucked up his brother permanently. he will never get the old paps back#and killer doesnt want to see his papyrus again because then he thinks hell just ruin everything again#but dust gets to talk and laugh and joke with his paps all the time!!! he got it better than them and thats just cus he hallucinates!!!! wt#i mean phantom paps isnt a 1:1 version of papyrus but hes close enough in my eyes#another idea....... horror (and maybe killer if he warms up to it) hanging out with dust JUST to talk to phantom paps#dust could easily just lie about what phantom paps says (although unless he had a reason he wouldnt risk upsetting paps like that methinks)#but theres something there. something something toxic mttpoly dynamic or whatever idc man. im in the mood for FLUFF!!!!!!!!!!#i think it would be funny if phantom paps says dusts deepest thoughts about hrkl. and then if he wants to say it dust has to filter it a LO#they could be sitting near killer and phantom paps would provide a detailed description of why killer has the mannerisms of a cat#and then dust would (hesitantly) agree to everything paps said (he was thinking it too) but when killer looks back at him#(he's been staring at killer for the past 10 minutes to see if what paps said was right) dust just says like. you remind me of a cat#OR BETTER YET he doesn't wanna admit that he thought of that so he just says paps says you remind him of a cat#insert horror version of this moment here. and killer quickly realizes that dust's just using papyrus as an excuse for why he says stuff#like that sometimes. horror just thinks dust's a weirdo freak (but unlike killer he takes the little observations to heart. loser)#killer sans#horror sans#dust sans#murder time trio#utmv#tricule hc
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barksbog · 2 months ago
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Do I remember correctly that you were thinking between borzoi and smooth collie or was it someone else? If it was you, any particular reason why you chose collie? Asking bc im myself considering between those two, I have experience with shelties and really like herding dogs even tho they can be worlds most sensitive babies sometimes
I can't remember if i publicly posted about it but i definitely did consider borzois!
herding dogs are great and i'm definitely very biased towards them. i love those weirdos and all their chaos.
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the reason i ended up going for a smooth collie is mostly prey drive. Borzois are proper sight hounds and will run after fast animals and bite to kill if they can reach them. which is what they were bred for and definitely doesn't make them bad dogs!
herding dogs have a modified prey drive that makes them stalk animals around and ideally have strong restraint on lunging and biting.
i know a lot of sight hounds are very chill with cats but i just felt more comfortable going with a herder. He does annoy his tiny older siblings a lot by herding them around the house when he thinks they need to be somewhere else and is a bit rough and clumsy in his play attempts but it's all manageable.
i also live quite rural with a lot of game like hares, deer and pheasants out and about around the house and have neighbours with free roaming ducks, chicken and turkeys. so having a dog with a low prey drive is honestly just a lot more comfortable overall.
that being said tho my trainer has the worlds daintiest little rough collie who has an insane prey and kill drive. so it's not a given they will just try to befriend every outdoor cat they see.
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another point was size. smooth collies (especially males from US lines) can get quite big. Leon certainly is a good sized guy with almost 60cm shoulder height and 24kg!
borzois are A LOT larger.
i have a small car, bed and couch tbh. My mom is also struggling with physical health and already struggles with leon when he's a bit rowdy. i don't think she'd handle a dog that can get almost twice as heavy!
the accidental injury risk of my cats would have also been higher with a larger dog.
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less a direct comparison thing but a big part of why i went with a collie in the end is that they are known to be kinda annoyingly clingy and oh god he is but so am i. having a weird little guy who doesn't get annoyed by it helps my mental health a lot.
i don't have experience with shelties and how they compare but generally you can expect smooth and rough collies to be a bit lower energy and more "stubborn"/independent than border collies if that helps.
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banditblvd · 3 months ago
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notebookcast.com was an experience and a half
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flying-cat · 3 months ago
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It was crazy watching bkdk go from the most hated ship to the most popular ship in the fandom
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gilded-gheists · 1 year ago
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JUST started a good Durge playthrough and I'm dying over my absolute little guy bard Tinfoil.
#bg3#bg3 tav#baldurs gate 3#(Im a tag rambler so theres a lot here-) he's got voice six and because of that I'm opting he's incredibly INCREDIBLY young#like- probably 9? Dragonborn reach 10 year old human size at 3 for them so. yeah-#human-body wise he's about 17? but he's still got so little thoughts in his head. Which is canon as well at least#not gonna romance ANYONE as Tinfoil but we're gonna all be besties.#still deciding if he'll slurp tadpoles. he gives into peer preassure very easily and is very easily bossed around.#so it depends at the moment in the cutscene i guess.#he's the group kid. i think shadowheart would mother him a lot and he looks up to Karlach A SHITTON. 'She's so cool...'#'why is the group kid the leader?'#everyone shrugs but they see Tinfoil curl up around a small pile of gold and gems as he sleeps and they can't say no to what he wants to do#Lae'zel thinks he's 'extremely weak skinned. and needs all the help a pathetic youngling like him can get'#she says; helping said pathetic kid up off the nautaloid ship floor after he ran ahead to try and get to the controls; listening to her#like a good lil guy#'Tinfoil; darling; you know we can always get *more* gold if you give up some of these precious little rubies and opals. Your hoard#will look *much* more impressive that way.'#-Astarion; trying to convince a now-teary-eyed tinfoil to give up his hoard so the party can buy health potions#'its not...its not impressive?' he starts crying and Shadowheart has to comfort him#I KNOW he's gonna go murder mode and stuff. but everyone at camp thinks it's just dragonborn instincts kicking in#so they just like chain him to a tree for the night.#its funny i think#'NO! BAD TINFOIL! STOP TRYING TO EAT THE BIRDS!'#'Raughguguhguguh. Tinfoil *NEEDS* sauce...'#he is on a leash constantly because he is enamoured with the beauty of the world and runs off- but also to not kill and maim constantly.
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emmavakarian-theirin · 18 days ago
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the way it kinda just dawned on me we're never seeing alistair again
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watery-melon-baller · 12 days ago
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does anyone know how to make an assembly in solidworks. ime fucking dying over here
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seventh-district · 1 month ago
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Could've left me just the way you found me, but you came and put your wings around me. You went out of your way, to fix what you didn't break.
This song is so incredibly Sam & Darlin' coded and no one can tell me otherwise.
[lots of lyrical analysis below the cut] [there's also a short little fanfic blurb of them stargazing down there too (this post got really out of hand lmao)]
For those not fully caught up, note that the following commentary contains various spoilers for Sam and Darlin's stories.
Note: Unfortunately this song is gendered, using the word 'girl' several times. Which sucks a little bit for immersion purposes, not only for keeping Darlin' gender-neutral, but also because I see this song as a duet between them, and Darlin' obviously wouldn't be addressing Sam with the word 'girl' either. So! As with most songs on their playlist, we're just gonna mentally omit any gendered terms we come across.
Side note: Frustratingly, this is one of those songs that didn't really even need to gender the subject in the first place. No part of the story or message is lost without it. But alas, many songs are like that, and so the playlist-makers of the world shall continue to suffer. [/lh]
Anyways, preamble's over. It's lyric time now yay!
Sam's Part
I was a ten-year train wreck
Technically for Sam I suppose it was 13 years, but ten is close enough (and 'ten' admittedly flows a lot better in the rhythm of the song than 'thirteen' would.) Anyways, we're not here to split hairs, (I have to remind myself), we're just here to point out similarities.
In Sam's Dec. '22 HBW, he says "For the last 13 years or so I haven't had to care too much about how I look. Seemed a little redundant after turnin', considerin' I didn't wanna be around much'a anybody anyway."
I think he's mentioned or alluded to that roughly 13 year period of time more than once, but that's the one I remember best so it's the example I'm using. There's still about 4 Sam audios I've yet to listen to as of making this post, so if I'm missing some Key Lore I'll edit this later. But for now, I don't think Sam has given many specifics on exactly how bad things got during that time. Luckily, 'train wreck' is a pretty broad and subjective term, so it easily covers any degree to which he may have fallen apart during those years.
It also feels like a very 'him' way of quickly brushing over the details of his past/his hurt, as he seems to tend to do with Darlin', (not all the time ofc but it's still something I've noticed) putting his own hurt on the backburner to prioritize and attend to theirs. Even outside of his dynamic with them, I think as a healer, it's something he learned to do. And now he does it with everyone. Put on a brave face, compartmentalize things and unpack them later, etc. I could go on and on but there'll be time for that in other posts I'm sure. For now, lets get back to the song at hand.
With a last-call longneck
Due to personal reasons, I've yet to decide if I want to HC him as having used alcohol as a coping mechanism during that time. I don't recall him having mentioned alcohol much, if at all, (maybe one mention of whiskey that I don't have time to find right now) so I don't think it's necessarily canon that he did, but it's certainly possible. My personal preferences aside, I'll admit it makes for some good additional angst. (And- self-indulgently- it makes some other songs on my playlist for them more fitting.) So, for the sake of this song, let's imagine that he did.
I was searchin', I'd been hurt real bad
This one feels pretty self-explanatory given what Alexis did, (and, if you wanna get even angstier with it, whatever his family did earlier on in his life) so there isn't much commentary to add on my end.
I HC that in spite of 'not wanting to be around anybody', he- like Darlin- still had a tiny part of himself buried deep down that was, in a way, 'searching' for someone to find solace in. (No this isn't me projecting onto them both haha what are you talking about-)
Movin' on, gettin' sidetracked One step forward and five back
This is generally applicable enough that I don't feel the need to give too much of a specific example. Anyone who's recovered or is recovering from trauma knows this non-linear, back-and-forth struggle well already, and I'm sure he was no stranger to it.
If I were to give some examples though, I could point to Darlin's (and subsequently, Sam's) encounter with Alexis at the summit, or the shit that Quinn dredged up about Fredrick and threw at Sam in the interrogation room. Those are both more recent examples and I imagine these lines of the song to be coming from a place of him prior to meeting Darlin', but still, they're some instances where I'm sure he felt like the past was pulling him back in. I'm sure that there's been many throughout those 13 years that we were never witness to.
Not your fault, I was scared to fall
This line reminds me of their 'Cuddles and Confessions' audio. I don't think he ever explicitly said he was 'scared' per se, so afaik there's no specific line I can quote, but in that and every audio prior, he was obviously hesitant to admit, perhaps even to himself, that he was gradually falling for them. Even after the initial confession, there's certain limits of his (e.g. biting) that he carries for far longer, and some that I (and others) HC that he'll carry forever. So this line feels to me like him reassuring Darlin' that his reluctance isn't the fault of them, but his past.
Darlin's Part
You were the star in the pitch black Shine the way on the way back
We don't have any canon instances of them comparing Sam to a star, but I can see it being something they'd say (perhaps less poetically, but the sentiment would be there) one night while laying up on their roof watching the stars with him. Maybe they're dead-tired, talking nonsense with lidded eyes at the end of a long day, fighting sleep in favor of more time spent with him.
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"What- what're you pointin' at Darlin'?"
Their hazy focus is trained on the brightest star visible in their line of sight, arm stretched out to the sky above them. "That really bright one, to the... to the left."
Sam does his best to follow their less-than-specific directions of 'to the left', their pointed finger doing little to help given the difference in perspective. Luckily, after all these years, he knows this stretch of night sky like the back of his hand, so it isn't hard to locate the brightest one. Ghosting his fingers up along their arm, he takes their hand in his and brings it back down to earth. "Okay, yeah, I see it now. What about it though?"
"That's you." They say, matter-of-factly.
"That's me?" He questions, humor in his tone.
"Mhm." They nod with finality, blinking slow.
Sam considers the odd statement for a moment before gently correcting them. "I'm uh, I'm pretty sure that's Sirius, actually."
They scoff. "I am being serious."
Sam stifles a laugh into their hair. "No- no I mean- like... what's another name for it... Oh! It's also called the Dog Star."
"C'mon Sam, at least call it the Wolf Star if you're trying to turn this around on me..."
He shakes his head and readies himself to explain further, but they cut him off before he can start. "But no- no, this one isn't about me. That's you."
He decides to play along, finding something endearing in their overtired nonsense. "Okay... then would'ja be so kind as to explain to this confused old man just how, or why that star is me?"
Their frown is audible in their voice as they latch onto the wrong part of his sentence. "You're not old, Sam. ...Do I need to tell Asher to kick the jokes down a notch?"
He smiles at their over-protectivity. "There'll be no need for that, now. Was just a joke, darlin', I promise."
They huff, but thankfully shift focus back to the prior topic. "It's... I dunno. It's just you, Sam. It's... bright. Light. Something warm, out there in the cold dark. Standing out amongst all the rest. Calling to me, stealing my attention. I... I didn't come out here looking for it, but there it is. ...There you were. In the dark. The only bright thing I'd seen in... fuck, in years. Years of chasing fleeting warmth, tripping over myself in the pitch black, falling into... places 'n people I shouldn't have. You were the light in that darkness. Even there, surrounded by the ghost of him. You outshone it. Your warmth didn't hurt. I didn't have to squint when I looked at you. You weren't the blinding sun. You were the brightest star I'd ever seen. You guided me back home."
In the back of their mind, they recall something they once heard, something about light, and time, and distance. Space. Something about... how you can see a star that's already burnt out, because it's light hasn't reached earth yet. The ghost of a star that's already died. Only still perceptible thanks to time, and distance.
They remember Sam's words, once whispered to them on this very roof.
"Whatever your choice is... I'm not gonna live forever. I made that decision a long time ago."
They think about dead stars.
They think about time.
"...-lin'? Darlin'?" Sam's calloused hand slides up their forearm, pulling them out of their thoughts. "There you are. Think I lost ya' for a minute there... you good?"
They look up at Sam, concern creasing his features, shadows cast across his face from the light of the dying stars above him.
They reach out, pulling him down into them. Burying their face into his collar, Sam's concern grows when he feels it saturate with tears. A human might struggle to hear their words, muffled against the thick fabric, but his hearing catches it just fine.
"Don't burn out too quick. Please. I still need you here. I don't- I don't wanna be left in the dark again. Please, please Sam. Don't leave me here. I'm not selfish enough to ask you for forever, but please. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet."
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.......Whoopsies! Really, genuinely didn't mean to improv an entire scene there, good god. Also didn't mean to swerve hard into angst at the end but uh. that's what came out! so I'm rolling with it lmao. Aaanyways let's move on, it's getting late and this is a song analysis post, not a fic.
Out of nowhere, answered all my prayers
'Out of nowhere' reminds me of Sam's words from the same HBW video I referenced earlier. "You came into my life like a damn wreckin' ball. There was no preparing for that, clothing or otherwise." While those were Sam's words, not Darlin's, I still feel like they feel similarly to how suddenly Sam came into their life as well. (Not in a bad way, mind you!)
[the significance of 'answered all my prayers' edges into my own personal more headcanon-y/personal/OC-ified Darlin' territory, so we can just gloss over this one for the sake of at least attempting to keep this more universally applicable]
Picked up the towel that I threw in Took in a heart that was ruined
Again, largely self-explanatory I feel. (*proceeds to explain anyways*) I imagine that Darlin' was at the point of throwing in the towel, hellbent on a solo-mission to find Quinn regardless of the danger it posed to them. I doubt they were looking toward the future anymore, (to reference Sam,) fully willing to throw themself at their problems until they really did break.
The specific use of 'ruined' hits hard here, because after everything they went through with Quinn, and especially after he recounted it all to Sam in that interrogation room, I imagine that they really, truly did feel ruined.
Showed me the past ain't a tattoo Loved me even when you didn't have to
These lines in particular make me sick with emotion every time I hear this song, because I feel like they hit the nail on the head for how Darlin' feels.
I'll be here citing various quotes all night that I feel showcase that sentiment, but we don't have time for that! So instead I'm just pointing to the entirety of 'Quinn's Aftermath' video, and leaving you with this single quote from it.
"Everything that he said reflects nothin' on you, and everything on him."
Equally Applicable Lines
And I don't know why Why you saw something in me, baby But you saw right through All the pain, and you came and saved me Yeah, I know you didn't leave me lonely Weren't the one that put the heartbreak on me Picked up the pieces It wasn't the mess that you made Could've left me just the way you found me But you came and put your wings around me You went out of your way To fix what you didn't break
Again, I think these lines are all pretty self-explanatory, and are just as accurate coming from either one of them. To me, at least, their entire dynamic is that they saved each other, in their own ways.
(But I will admit, the final verses about 'going out of your way to fix what you didn't break' are definitely conjuring up memories of Sam in the early days, literally going out of his way to visit and heal Darlin' after their fight with the two vamps. In general, his continued/repeated healing of them after they once again hurt themselves is the very literal definition of fixing what he didn't break.
But! While we may have more blatant examples of Sam being 'the fixer' so to speak, I think he'd argue that Darlin' has done plenty fixing of their own. Physical wounds aren't the only things that need healing, after all.)
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[shameless self-promo of my Sam & Darlin' playlist for those few of u interested enough to make it to the very end of this wall of text. if u liked this then u might like some of the other songs on there soooo maybe go check it out and maybe perhaps give it a follow so i can get a little serotonin boost or dopamine or whatever the chemical is that's released when Number Go Up. ...okay that's it i hope u enjoyed my fixation-induced ramblings! thank u and goodnight]
#redacted audio#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted playlists#redacted asmr#redactedverse#music stuff#Spotify#Seven's Blorbo Songs#<- starting a dedicated tag for these kinda posts bc i feel like there will be. Many more#gotta go dig up the few i've made in the past and retroactively tag them. they weren't as Involved as this one but i'll still include 'em#good fucking god this post got long. i started it at like 2pm and now it's almost 8. i've been locked in on blorbo analysis for 6 hours#don't ask why it took That long to make this post okay i am. very slow. but i had a good time so it's all good#there's like 10 other things i needed to spend my free time on today but this post Demanded to be made asap so here we are#i've been stewing on this song for several days since i found it and i literally had to make this post to get it out of my system#i was gonna make One Big Post to discuss the entire playlist at once but it's got 80+ songs on it by now...#and i like to Yap if u cannot tell so it literally wouldn't even all Fit in a single post. so i'll probably just do individual songs#or maybe a few per post if they all fit a certain theme and aren't enough to justify their own post#anyways i. am so very very very in love with Sam. if you. cannot tell. from the entirety of this post. and the state of my blog#about halfway thru this post i realized i perhaps should've just written a songfic but those take so much more effort and time#and i'm already editing two that'll come out later this month. with two more in the wings. so i can't afford to start another#(not Redacted fics btw sorry but in spite of the little drabble i did on this post i'm actually scared to write for this fandom)#i don't feel confident enough not to mischaracterize them. plus i'm already juggling more than i can handle anyways#anyways the drabble + this post in general probably isn't very good lmao i Should like. draft it and edit it tomorrow with fresh eyes#but i wanna go ahead and send it out into the world and just let it be. it's not that big of a deal
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mulders-too-large-shirt · 2 months ago
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just finished el mundo gira and i thought it was like. comically bad. sorry to any el mundo gira stans, but tomorrow's writeup will have some hater energy.
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alright. know what? with Secrets of the Obscure right around the corner and plenty of new Mists-related sky island settings coming with it, I'll just bite the bullet and interest-check a little something I've been turning in my head for a long, long while.
would YOU be interested in a Mists-based GW2 roleplay guild that uses a lore compliant multiverse system to allow canon, canon-adjacent, lore-breaking, and otherwise 'contradictory' muses to coexist in the same setting?
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simply put: every writer's cast would be set in their own self-contained universe. as such, everyone could bring whatever muses they want with their own personal headcanons, and no one could dictate what is or isn't canon for anyone else. so long as your muses are GW2-based, you're good to go! bring your Commanders, bring your canon-divergent OCs, bring your canon muses-- and yes, even the ones that are 'supposed' to be dead. who can say what might have happened in a strange world far across the Mists, after all?
neutral hubs and in-character safety guardrails would be in place to keep all muses on a relatively even playing field regardless of their power, history, and prestige, too. play hardball if you like, but it might not end quite the way you'd hope. the main rule would be to maintain good OOC etiquette at all times: no godmodding, no metagaming, no theft, don't blend IC and OOC, and so-on.
if that sounds like something you might have interest in, please interact with this post! and if you've got questions or concerns, I'd love to hear them; feel free to send an ask or a DM, or just reply to this post!
#GW2 roleplay#GW2 rp#GW2#my posts#so there's a LOT of reasons why I'm putting this forward#but the biggest is that I really want there to be a place that's actually inclusive for all the creativity that exists in this fandom#there was exactly one Mists multiverse event a while back and it was well-received from everything I saw!#i know i for one had a lot of fun AND felt a lot more welcome and comfortable than i have at any other event#and then... we proceeded to just never have another again.#like. we could have more of that. that niche could still use filling! we can do SO much more with this!!!#and especially with SotO coming out we could have some REALLY interesting locations to meet up too!#I'd be happy to kickstart this stuff but the thing is: it WILL need support. I just can't do it all alone and that's a fact#example: if we want a guild hall in-game we'd have to work together to get one; that'd be great for hosting public and private events#my personal goal is 5-10 participants so that we can have enough to run small events and mingle muses a bit#IF there's enough interest i'll roll out more information at that time. for now tho i'll just leave it at this to test the waters#reblogs are HIGHLY appreciate here: i'm a smallfry in a big sea and not many people check the tags. spread the word if you want to see this#on that note: thanks for reading and hopefully i'll hear from some of you soon. o/#(side detail: that sky pic is a screen i snapped at night in Istan. it's so pretty there ok)
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purpurussy · 3 months ago
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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