#why are my douches on the nice list

[specialagentlokitty]

Lucifer (fox) x reader - worth more

Sitting down at your desk, you pulled your phone out of your pocket and sighed heavily as you set it down on your desk.

“Still nothing?” Dan asked.

“Nope, I mean usually he would’ve messaged me by now at least…” you mumbled.

Dan gave you a sympathetic smile.

“Just give him so more time, you know what he’s like. I’m sure he’s just busy with work.” Chloe smiled.

You nodded your head, knowing that was usually the case your boyfriend usually just got so caught up in work he’d forget to reply.

“You’re still wasting your time with that low life?” Lucifer asked.

You glared at him a little bit.

“He’s my boyfriend lucifer, don’t be such an ass.”

“Well clearly he’s got you wrapped around his finger because you can’t see that he’s cheating on you.”

“Lucifer!” Chloe hissed.

“He’s not.” You snapped.

Getting up, you walked away with some files, going to find somewhere else to work.

You decided to sit in the lab while you waited for Ella to get back so you could go to lunch with her, and lucifer would most likely stay near Chloe

You managed to work in peace for a little while until your phone began to ring, and you answered it, putting it on speaker.

“Hey, is everything alright?” You asked.

“Hey, yeah it’s fine. Look I’m going to have to cancel our date night. I have to work late.”

“Oh, again? We’ve not had a date night for weeks, and it was really hard to get reservations to this place.”

“Yeah, well work is work so.”

You glanced up as the door was opened and chose to ignore lucifer as he entered.

“No I know that, I just don’t want you to overwork yourself. You’re always working late.”

“Yeah I know.”

Lucifer padded over and looked over your shoulder.

“Oh is that the douche you call your boyfriend?”

“Who the fuck is that?”

“It’s my colleague, apparently he doesn’t know when to mind his own business.”

You heard your boyfriend scoff on the other end of the line.

“Seriously? I told you I don’t want you working with that prick.”

“I’m sorry, you know I don’t get a choice in this.” You sighed.

“Yeah. Right. Bet that’s what you say when he’s at your apartment right? You got no choice.”

“Come on, don’t be like that. You know I wouldn’t cheat on you.”

“Fuck off.”

Your boyfriend hung up and you sighed, locking your phone and you ran a hand down your face, taking a small breath.

“Seriously, what do you see in that idiot? Clearly he’s beneath you, I don’t even see why you waste your time with somebody like him, for someone so smart you sure can be stupid.”

You spun around to lucifer and you punched him, shaking your hand as you hissed in pain.

He looked at you in pure shock.

“What the hell is your problem lucifer!?”

“You hit me!”

“I mean with my boyfriend asshole! Why the fuck do you keep trying to break us up?!”

Lucifer scoffed.

“Trust me if you stopped being so blind you would end this relationship rather quickly.”

“Just because you go sleeping around with everything with a pulse doesn’t mean he does!”

“Well, I have two eyes and a memory that say differently.”

You clenched your jaw.

“You know what, stay away from me. Your job is to work with Chloe, not me.”

“Oh come on, don’t be like that!”

You grabbed your things, making your way to the door and lucifer trailed after you.

“(Y/N), come on!”

“Leave me alone! I don’t want to look at you anymore!”

You dropped everything on the desk, and you grabbed your car keys, deciding it would be a nice way to get away from him.

Lucifer went to follow you, but Chloe grabbed his arm and shoved him into one of the interrogation rooms.

“What the hell did you do?!” She hissed.

“I don’t know! (Y/N) punched me in the face and just stormed away!”

You spent a few hours driving around, just trying to get out of your head, and you decided to go home to grab your shopping list.

Jogging up into the apartment you let yourself in and walked towards the kitchen.

Grabbing the paper on the fridge, you looked over the list, taking the pen from your pocket to add a few more things.

That’s when you heard the sound of something being knocked over.

Furrowing your brows, you set the pen and paper down, hand reaching towards your gun as you started to go around the apartment, checking everywhere somebody could hide.

The only place you hadn’t checked was the bathroom, so you walked over and reached out for the handle.

You could heard somebody inside, and you threw the door open, gun raised and ready.

“LAPD!”

The two people inside stopped and you blinked a few times.

“(Y/N) I.. I thought..”

You calmly put your gun away, and stepped aside, gesturing for them to get out of the bathroom and they did, both scrambling for their clothes.

“Get out.”

“You can’t kick me out of my own apartment!”

“My apartment James, and I said get the fuck out! Both of you before I find something to arrest you both for!”

The woman looked at your boyfriend, and then looked at you.

“Asshole! You said you were single!”

She smacked him, and pulled her shirt over her head, shooting you an apologetic look.

“I’m so sorry!”

With that she ran out, and you looked at your partner.

“Get the fuck out James! This is my apartment in my name!”

“You’re the one who started this!”

“I just caught you in the bathroom cheating on me!”

“So what?! You’re clearly doing that lucifer dude!”

You rolled your eyes, gesturing to the front door.

“I’m done. This is done. We’re through James, get out.”

“Or what?”

“I’ll charge you with trespassing.” You shrugged.

He sneered a little bit.

Storming forward he backed you into a wall, and your hand went for your gun out of reflex.

James grabbed your hand, gripping it so tightly you were sure he was going to break it.

“Nobody will ever love you anyways…” he snarled.

James threw you to the ground, and you hit your head off the corner of the wall.

With that he left, and you sat there, heart in your through, trembling out of pure fear because never had James raised a hand to you before.

You stayed sat in shock for minutes before you reached into your pocket, calling for your best friend.

She was over so fast you were sure that Ella had managed to break more than one traffic law.

She knelt in front of you, touching your forehead where it was bleeding slightly.

“Chloe and Dan have put a bolo out on James, they said you can come in when you’re ready to say what happened.” She said softly.

You slowly nodded your head, and she helped you up, taking you to your room where she cleaned your wound and stitched it up for you.

“I.. I don’t know… he’s never…”

“I know…”

Ella sat on the bed with you, holding you in her arms as tears burned your eyes.

“Why would he do this…?” You sniffled.

“Because he’s a horrible man and when I get my hands on him I swear I’ll.. I’ll… ugh!”

“Ella don’t, please. I don’t know what he’ll do to you…”

Ella looked at you, and she rested her head on yours.

“They’ll find him…”

You just nodded your head.

“How about some ice cream, and some really crazy action films? You love action films?”

“No.. no I uh.. I just.. I’m going to get changed…”

“Alright, I’ll wait in the living room.”

Ella gave you a little squeeze, and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

You changed into a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt, hanging around your room for a few minutes before you made your way out.

Ella was already sat on your couch with a tub of ice cream and two spoons, and she grinned a little.

“Come on, I know you love ice cream.”

You smiled weakly, making your way over and you sat down next to her.

“Here, eat ice cream.”

She handed you a spoon and held the tub out for you.

Ella stayed for a little while until she was called away for a crime scene, and you went to get changed.

“Ah! No!”

“Ella if there’s a crime scene I need to be there.”

“Nope! Absolutely not! You’re going to stay right here and I’ll be right back over.”

Ella hugged you, and she rushed away, and you carried on eating ice cream.

You finished the tub and you went to the kitchen to get another, only to hear your front door open and you went to reach for a knife.

“Well, if I knew you were going to stab me I would have definitely thought twice about coming here.”

You sighed, setting the knife back down.

“This is breaking and entering.”

“Only if I broke the lock, it so happens Miss Lopaz gave me her key.”

“Well.. go away…”

Grabbing your tub of ice cream, you went to walk past him but he grabbed your elbow.

Because of earlier events you immediately recoiled from his touch, shuffling away from him, keeping your face turned away.

Lucifer frowned a little bit.

“(Y/N)?” He asked.

You ignored him, making your way back to the couch, sitting down and you set your ice cream on the table.

Lucifer walked over, keeping his distance from you as he crouched down at the other side of the table.

You glanced at him, and you saw he was looking disheveled, his hair wasn’t as neat as it usually was, and there was spots of blood on his shirt.

“Oh, it’s not my blood if that’s what you’re concerned about.”

“What happened?”

“Well, it would appear your ex took a rather… let’s say nasty fall down the stairs of the precinct.”

You slowly nodded your head, and he slowly held out his hand, gesturing to where you were sat.

“May I?”

You nodded.

Lucifer got up, making his way back around the table to sit in front of you, and he reached up.

You flinched a little, and he hesitated.

“You know I would never hurt you..” lucifer whispered.

He moved his hand upwards, trailing his fingers along your cheek, moving some of the hair from your head.

He ran his fingers over the bandaid that covered the cut on your head, and he could see the slight blood that had came through it.

“I should have done more than throw him down those stairs…” he growled.

You locked eyes with him, and he smiled softly at you.

“You deserve so much more..” he said softly.

You shrugged a little bit.

“Hey, come on. Don’t do that to yourself, you know you deserve more, everybody knows that you deserve so much more… the whole world..”

“Don’t lie..”

Lucifer chuckled a little bit.

“I would never lie to you, you know that. Everything I’ve said is the truth.”

You sniffled a little bit.

“I.. I just don’t get it.. I don’t understand why he’d do it…”

“Because he was a prick, and he never deserved somebody with such a kind soul as yours (Y/N), and believe me there will be a special spot in hell reserved just for him after what he did to you.”

Lucifer wiped away a few of your tears that had falling from your eyes.

“Come now, don’t waste your tears for somebody so unworthy.”

Lucifer shuffled forward so he was sat on the edge of the table, and you held your arms out to him.

He moved over, sitting on the couch with you, letting you rest your head on his chest, and he placed his hand on your head, wrapping his other arm around you.

“You should never have to cry…” he whispered.

Lucifer held you as you quietly sobbed, sometimes his hand absentmindedly going to covered the wound on your head as if he could just take it away.

He couldn’t.

He knew that.

But he could sit here with you, hold you when you needed it the most, make sure that you weren’t alone right now and just remind you that you were worth so much more

[holylulusworld]

The ring

Summary: A ring. A broken heart.

Pairing: Andy Barber x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, breakup, no happy end, Andy being a douche

Hatred. 

Hatred is not the absence of love. It’s the contrary. 

There is so much love in a loving heart that it turns into hatred when you get robbed of your love.

But the love remains deep within you. That’s what’s hurting the most. That your heart still remembers how it felt to be in love. 

The person leaving you doesn’t know what they have done. It’s not their fault your heart is bleeding love after they cut you open.

At least that’s what they like to tell themselves when they lie awake and think about the decisions they made.

If they think about you at all.

You will ask yourself what you did wrong. Or if there was a way to stop them from leaving you. 

Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you not care enough about him? Did you not turn him on any longer?

In the end, you’ll never know. 

Most of the time your questions won’t be answered.

Except. In your case. You know what you did wrong.

You asked him to finally take off his wedding band.

He refused. He didn’t even give you a reason why he won’t take it off. 

It ended in a fight. An awful fight. The kind of fight in which you tear each other apart until nothing is left but bruised egos and broken hearts.

He just left you there, in the middle of the living room you wanted to share soon. 

The door slammed shut. Your heart shattered. The tears started to finally fall.

It took you almost half an hour to remember that you are standing in a house that isn’t yours.

“Fuck,” you buried your face in your hands. “How can he just leave me here? We wanted to have a look at the fucking house!”

“Miss…uh-I’m sorry to disturb your breakdown or whatever you are experiencing,” the broker nervously poked his head inside the room. “Your boyfriend left and…you know…I got other interested parties. They want to have a look around the house too.”

You blinked the tears away. This was the house you have been dreaming of for so long. You decided to buy it with Andy and suddenly, everything was in ruins.

“I guess they’ll get happy here,” you gave the poor guy an apologetic smile. He had to listen to your fight with Andy. “Sorry for the inconvenience and thank you for your time. You’ll sell the house in no time. I’m sure of it. It’s very nice.”

You were more than embarrassed when you turned to leave the house you had hoped to buy. “He’s a fool if he hangs onto the past.”

“Maybe I’m just not the right person for him,” you wanted to roll your eyes at the broker. You never were a fan of unwanted advice. Especially when it comes from a stranger. “Have a good day…”

You left the house and moved on. Never looking back.

It was six months later that you ran into him again. Per accident. Literally.

You ended up hitting his ass and lower back with your shopping cart as you were busy checking your shopping list.

“Sorry, I—” you stammered to his back. Unbeknownst that it was the man breaking your heart you just hit with your shopping cart. “I wasn’t looking where I’m going.”

“Miss you should always watch where you are going. People can get hurt if you don’t,” he turned around to give you an angry look. “Oh…it’s you.” Andy nervously looked around the supermarket. As if he was afraid you’ll cause a scene.

Of course, he still looked good. How you wished he wouldn’t.

“I’ll keep it in mind for my next grocery run.”

Anything in you was screaming to just run out of the supermarket, but you didn’t want to let him win again. Just like you wouldn’t cry in front of him.

“Y/N…”

At least he remembered your name. That was a pro. You would have chuckled at the thought if your heart wasn’t still battered and bruised.

“Mr. Barber,” you coolly replied. “If you would excuse me now. I got more things on my list.”

“You’re still making lists, huh?” Andy tried to keep you from walking off right away. “Listen, what happened back then…we never talked about it.”

“I need to go now.”

You turned your shopping cart and just went away. It was too late for poor excuses now. 

After what happened at the house, you tried to call him. Andy never answered. He just went on with his life and forgot about you and your relationship.

Typical.

Another month later you ran into Andy again. At your favorite café. 

This time, he pulled a chair for a pretty blonde. Again, he was stabbing your heart as it seemed he moved on to the next girl.

Maybe this one wouldn’t ask him to take off his wedding band.

“One tea, chamomile,” you ignored the aching in your chest. “A red velvet cupcake and…” you pushed the tears away as the clerk asked if you want to stay. “No…not today. I got a lot of things to do.”

It was a blatant lie. Usually, you loved spending your Saturdays at the café. Andy managed to ruin this for you too. “Next time then.”

“Next time,” you gave the clerk a cracked smile. “Have a great weekend.”

You passed Andy’s table, acting like you didn’t see him on a date with another woman. 

He moved on. It was time for you to do the same.

Three weeks later you finally made a decision. You had to move on and forget about the life you wanted to have with Andy. 

If he couldn’t even give up his wedding band for you, he was not worth your time.

“I like this one,” you looked around the house. It was smaller than the one you wanted to buy with Andy, but it would be yours. “It’s cute…and I like the garden. Do you think the owner will go down with the price?”

“I’ll talk to them,” the broker pointed at the broken window in the kitchen. “The house needs a lot of fixing. I’m sure they’ll agree.”

“I hope so,” you looked around the kitchen again. “Damn, I’ll paint the kitchen neon and dance all night.”

The broker chuckled. “After you bought the house, you can do whatever you want with it. I’m sure the kitchen will look pretty in pink.”

“They don’t want to sell it to me?” you sighed deeply when your broker called you two days later. “Why? I got the money and all…”

He explained that someone else offered more money and that he couldn’t do more for you. Of course, they would always go for the person paying more money. That’s just how this works. 

A new house for someone else. Another broken dream to you.

You already imagined moving into this new place, now you were back to square one.

“I understand. Maybe next time then,” you tried not to sound too sad. “Thank you for your help.”

You hung up the phone. Disappointed. Disheartened.

“Nothing ever works out for me,” you wiped your wet eyes. “I can’t even buy a fucking house…”

“Tea, peppermint please.”

Once again you found your way to the café. “A red velvet cupcake and some chocolate chip cookies too. I need something to...,” you sighed deeply and shook your head,” doesn’t matter.”

“Y/N,” your body went stiff hearing Andy call out your name. Out of all the days, he could come here, it had to be this one. “Hey, good to see you.”

“Can we not do this post-breakup shit right now, Andy?” you snapped at him. “I lost something very great today to someone else.”

“I thought we could have a coffee together and talk,” he offered as you whipped your head toward him to glare at Andy.

“I’m not in the mood to have an awkward conversation about our past relationship and to hear half-hearted apologies. Your silence and the way you left me told me everything I needed to know. So please, just leave me alone.”

You walked out of the café, not wanting to see his face any longer. It still pained you too much to be close to the man breaking your heart.

Andy followed you outside, to walk next to you.

“What did you lose?” Andy asked, not giving in so easily. “Y/N?”

“I wanted to buy a house,” you exhaled sharply. “They sold it to someone else, though. I didn’t have enough money. Are you happy now?”

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Where was the house?”

“Andy, can we not do this,” you pleaded. “I can’t talk to you. You just left me there at the house and refused to acknowledge my existence. You weren’t man enough to break up with me. No.You just upped and left.”

“You asked me to take off my wedding band,” he argued. “I told you about my past and everything I lost. Still, you wanted me to give up the last piece reminding me of what I have lost.”

“It’s been five years, Andy,” you stopped walking away to look at him. “Do you know how it feels when someone calls you Mrs. Barber and I have to explain that I’m not your wife? Every single time they looked at your wedding band, believing I’m your sidepiece. I only wanted to not feel like I’m your dirty little secret.”

You huffed. “But you are living in the past. Yesterday. Today. Tomorrow. It doesn’t matter. You will never be able to take it off. And I’ll never be able to forget how you made me feel when you left me there, at the house we wanted to fill with love and life.”

Andy could only watch you walk away. Once again, he was the one left behind.

Only this time, it was his fault alone…

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[coltrainbat]

Hi, I loved your Yes, No, Maybe... fic, is so good 🥰. I don’t know if you accepting requests but I would love to see a part 2 about their date 🥹🥹

Trust Me?

A/N: It is ready. Enjoy 💕☘️

YOUR POV

It was hard to find sympathy from your bestie at this point in time. 

Because they were right. 

Like always. 

This is not the worst thing to ever happen to you. 

It may be the most stomach curdling, sweaty palm, internal freak out moment of your life but nothing about having uninterrupted time with Chris Evans was bad. But you couldn’t help but think the worst. You sat in the foyer of your building, taking deep breathes, and pressing tissue to your forehead to make the sweat less obvious. 

You hadn’t told a single soul but them about this date. In the case it was a complete fuck up, that way you didn’t have to explain the could have been. 

When Chris asked to pick you up for your date you were a little taken aback. Where was he taking you? You didn’t know because he said it was a secret. The douche used your own line against you. But before you could run back upstairs to your apartment and throw up, you saw a slick black car pull up outside your building. And there he was. 

The moment you saw him again, the butterflies in your stomach ceded, replaced with this gooey feeling of mush and warmth. Your body tingled with excitement and your mind had to fight your body to just pull him in and kiss him. It felt like walking into a warm room filled with familiar faces or that first sip of hot tea on a cold day. Safe to say in the 24 hours since you had last saw him, you had developed a serious crush. Maybe it was all the YouTube bingeing of his interviews. But, this crush could not happen because from 1 week from now eh will be gone and you will be a past memory. 

He told you to dress casual but comfortable. Whatever the fuck that means to a man. You swear you had a 3-hour breakdown to your besties about the definition of casual yet comfortable who all came to the same conclusion.

Jeans and a nice top. So, there you stood. In your best ass hugging jeans and a top that didn’t make you look like a nun but screamed soccer mom with subtle cleavage.  The most basic outfit to ever exist. Basic = Safe. You were happy with it. 

He got out of the car, throwing the keys in his hand and shoving them into his pocket, beaming as he came up to the front door. 

It’s time to fall to your default in any awkward situation in which you don’t know how to feel… sarcasm. 

CHRIS’S POV 

Holy shit how did she get prettier overnight? 

Stop smiling like that she’ll think you’re a psycho.

God, Jeans, she wants to kill me. 

Truth is, I couldn’t stop smiling. She was just so goddamn gorgeous. 

“You look great.” You fucking idiot why don’t you say hello? Now she’ll think you just like her looks. 

“Is this what you meant by comfy yet casual?” She gestured to her outfit. Simple yet absolutely perfect on her. 

“Yes, but I wouldn’t have cared if you came out in Pyjamas or a ballgown.” 

“Really? Do we have time for me to get back into my pyjamas?” She looked at me, sarcasm written on her face. Funny too. 

That’s another point on the never-ending listing as to why she’s perfect. 

“No, now come on.” I hold out my hand. And…. she walks straight past it. 

“Alright then.” I’m not complaining, gives me at the great view of her ass.  

“Ladies first.” I pull out the car door for her, raising my eyebrows. 

“Ladies? As in plural? As in you have other ladies who are joining us tonight?”

“They wish now get it.”

She rolls her eyes at me. Ooft the sass. I love it. 

YOUR POV

“Sooooo you going to tell me where we are going?”

“Nope, watch your feet by the way the rope and duct tape are underneath them.”

“Very funny.”

“Nah I only bring rope into the relationship later on, so you have nothing to worry about for now.” He winked at you. 

You scoffed at him, trying to hide the blush forming on your cheeks. 

“Do you not trust me?”

“Not really no.”  

“How about we do this thing, where you have to trust me until I give you reason not to. Deal?”

“Deal.”

“Good so now you can stop hiding the fact that you’re blushing.” He smirked.

“Oh, bite me.” You groaned. 

“Gladly.” He smirked. 

You laughed off his advances.

“We are here.” He pulled up on a gravel road, trees surrounded you, but you hadn’t been driving long enough to end up outside of the city. 

“Where are we?” You looked around at the unfamiliar landscape. What seemed like a forest oasis in the middle of the city.

“Thought you lived here?”

“Yet, I’ve never been here.”

“Good then its new for both of us. A buddy of mine told me about it. It’s private that’s what you wanted right?”

“Fair enough.” 

Chris came on the passenger side, opening the door for you and holding out his hand and this time you took it. Appreciating his help as you got out of the car. 

“You’re gonna want to hold onto me for the next bit.” He looked at you.

You stood in your tracks, eyeing him down. 

“You trust me now remember.”

“Fine.”  

You grabbed his hand; it was warm and big encompassing yours. 

You walked down the old, sandstone stairs, with no railing. Rather than uniform steps it was more like large, blocks of rock in the shape of stairs. Chris walked ahead a step, as you had no choice but grip his hand tightly as he led you down the steps, easing you down and in position in case you fell and he had to catch you, all your weight being supported on his strong arms. 

“Great, now one more.” You did a small skip down the last step, finally looking up from your feet at what was in front of you. 

A lush well-manicured garden bordering on the harbour. You could see the whole city in all its glory as the sunset over the skyline, illuminating a golden light as a few office windows started to emote bright yellow light. 

A picnic blanket with two deck chairs between them a complete spread of deli meats, French cheeses, chocolate covered strawberries, assortment of crackers, various dips and spreads, and two champagne glasses laid out on the small table. Fairy lights surrounded nearby branches, lighting up the most romantic picnic you had ever seen. 

“Omg.” You gasped.

“Nice, isn’t it? Came down earlier to set it up. Thought you’d like it. Oh, and don’t worry about visitors or anything the park is officially closed.”  The man grinned sheepishly at you.

“Chris it’s… too much.”

“Really? Cause I’ve got the helicopter on standby if you want to go for a ride on that instead? Or maybe the boat?”

 You were pulled out of your shock “Ok shut up!” 

“Thought so… now come on.” He led you by your hand to the comfy chair. 

The sun had set and the beautiful, arranged platter was now a mess of crumbs and food scraps. The bottle of champagne, empty and the second one half full. For the last 3 hours all you and Chris had done was ask each other questions and you now know his whole family by name, their sacred Christmas traditions, what his first memory was, his favourite place in the world, what meal he’d eat for the rest of his life and the book that changed his life plus more. And he knew the exact same about you to the point you don’t know if you have ever shared this much with someone in such a small space of time. Nor would someone ever listen so intently as you shared your past and hopes for the future, never interrupting but hanging on your every last word, bowling over in laughter at your funny stories while he clutched his left boob. Teasing you and keeping up with your quick-witted jokes if not giving them back in 10 folds. It felt like talking to an old friend you hadn’t seen in while, the warm feeling in your stomach never fading but now spreading to the rest of your body… or maybe that was the champagne. Either way you felt safe and content, like the moment was never ending and once you left the park, reality would return, and you’d be left feeling cold and empty as the feeling dissipates. He felt like heroin, this addictive warmth that you just had to keep, you wanted doses of him 24/7, to feel the electric shock over and over every time he grazed your knee with his hand or when you’d watch his eyes crinkle at a joke you told.  

“Ok, first pet?”

“East, he was a British bulldog. Best dog ever.”

“Your turn, favourite movie.”

“Don’t laugh.”

“I will but tell me anyways.” He grinned, taking another sip of his drink.

“<Insert fave romcom>”

“I was supposed to be in that movie.” 

“Really?” Your eyes bulged at the image of Chris as your biggest movie character crush.  

“No, but if I said I was would you like me more?” He smirked at you at you with faux puppy dog eyes.

“You’re a dick.” You slapped his chest in a fit of laughter, he caught your hand on his chest, holding it in his.

Your eyes locked at the sudden contact.

“You’re cold here have my jacket.” He immediately shrugged off his jacket, moving to the edge of his seat to place it on your shoulders.  Placing it over you, his hand ran down the zipper enclosing it around you. 

“There, all better.” His eyes gazed at the skin of decolletage before concealing the sight in his jacket. 

“I don’t want to leave.” You blurted out, looking at his eyes. 

“Me either.” He moved upwards towards your mouth, planting a soft kiss on your lips. You put your hand behind his head, pulling the kiss deeper. He tasted like champagne and mint and everything delicious as his warm mouth encompassed yours. His hands moving to your jaw to support it as his tongue slipped into your mouth. You moaned at the sensation, quickly coming to your senses, and pulling out.

“Sorry.” You readjusted the jacket around you. 

“Why are you sorry?” His hand still on your face, looking into your eyes for a sign that he hadn’t completely fucked this.

“I just don’t want to make this more than it is.”  

“What do you think it is? You think I plan picnics for girls in major cities and then dump them before I leave?” There was a shock, pain in his voice. Your words stung. He didn’t think you’d take him as a playboy. 

“It’s not you, it’s just me not wanting to get attached to something fleeting.”  

“Y/N, you told me about your past, I told you about my family, heck, I told you things that haven’t ever left my head before. This isn’t a game to me. I don’t want this to end when I get on that plane.”

“Really?” 

“Yes really. I want to do this again and then I want to figure out how the hell I can get you in my arms every night of the week.” 

You smiled, avoiding his gaze. Your mind in a war with your heart that you’ve never experienced before.

“It’s impractical, you’re you and I’m me, I don’t do this life of yours, I don’t fit into it. It won’t work.”

“This..” You gestured to your surroundings. “It’s nice but it’s not the real world and its definitely not my world.” You looked at your hands defeated, trying not to cry as you break his heart into pieces. 

“I’ll make you fit. All the best things start off as a dream. That’s how movies came to be. Look, I can’t tell you it’ll be easy, and I can’t expect you to drop your whole life for me, but I can tell you, heck, promise you that if there is a way for me to make sure you can be a part of my life, I will make it happen no matter what. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t feel what I’m feeling right now too, and I’ll leave you alone forever, but I’d bet everything I have on the fact that you do.” 

You could feel his stare burning into you. You knew if you’d look up it’d be game over for you. 

You bite your lip, finally gaining the courage to look him in the eyes again. You sat in silence just staring at each other. Waiting for you to say something. 

“Oh, fuck it.” You said before throwing yourself back into his arms. 

TAGS: @royalwritersoftheuniverses

[howlingday]

SNIPED!

Pyrrha: That's it? You're just going to bury my circlet here and declare Arkos officially dead?

Jaune: It's symbolic, Pyrrha! I'm trying to get closure because you're dead so you can stop haunting me! I can't even masturbate anymore because your ghost can't get naked, and we're both such fucking bottoms that unless one of us actually grew some fucking balls AND if you were corporeal, then we'd actually get laid instead of me edging myself until POOF! "Hello, again~!"

Pyrrha: Well, you don't have to be a dick about it. And this isn't my fault. Until you figure out where Cinder is and kill her, I'm never going away! I even checked names off our "Where to look" list-

Jaune: I'VE been checking off names! Me! You probably think you did because you thought you were me, and I'm literally insane!

..................................................................................

May: (Aiming at Jaune, Scope explodes) Damnmit! (Grabs scroll) Knock it off! I'm bodyguarding here!

Ruby: And I'm guarding the perimeter of New Beacon headquarters!

May: You broke my new scope!

Ruby: Scope? Psh! Pansy! I've got eyes on you AND crazy-pants over there. Can't believe you need a scope.

May: I don't NEED it! Alright, smart-mouth! You see that sword? (Flicks off scope) Watch!

..................................................................................

Jaune: (Digging) Hey, I found something!

Pyrrha: It must be a clue! Just like the ghost of Professor Ozpin's predicted! Incredible~!

Ozpin: (Nods)

Pyrrha: If you get the prints off it, you could probably find a lead.

Jaune: No, it's just junk. Looks like a figurine, shaped like Spruce Willow

Pyrrha: Better than what I got; they blew my bust size way out of proportion. It was creepy.

Jaune: Better than what they made of me after I fell into the Ever After. They made me look like a total douche- Agh! What the hell was that?! Did something bite my ass?!

..................................................................................

Ruby: Nice shot, granny. Why not just go down there and throw the bullet at him!

May: That was just a warning shot off his stern!

Ruby: Yeah, sure. Maybe you can hit his sword if he wasn't wearing it.

..................................................................................

Jaune: Agh... My ass is bleeding. What the fuck? (Belt explodes, Pants fall) SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK?!

..................................................................................

Ruby: (Pelvic thrusting) UNF! RIGHT ON HIS UNF! UNF!

May: Psh... Lucky shot. Okay then. Keep an eye on those boots of his.

..................................................................................

Jaune: Huh... Melted the leather and every- (Shot in the chest) AGH!

Pyrrha: (Ducks) AAAAAAAIE! Wait, what am I doing? I'm already dead!

[megidonitram]

Everyone's Running From Something

(ch. 5)

A Baldur's Gate 3 University Professor AU

Rating: M

Quick Summary: Astarion and Gale are two University English professors precariously mentoring a troubled 19-year-old and falling in love.

💖Main Pairing : BloodWeave,(Astarion/Gale) 💕Side Pairings: Shadowheart/Nocturne, Karlach/Dammon, Wyll/The Dark Urge, Tav/Tav 💔Past Pairings: Gale/Mystra, Astarion/Sebastian, Astarion/Tav

<=Previous Chapter | Master List | Ao3 | Next Chapter =>

**Please see Master List Entry for Full Content Warnings**

⏰Chapter Warning⏰

Mentions of Child Abuse | Discussion of a Past Suicide Attempt | Implied Eating Disorder

The first day of class was overcast. Astarion woke up at 5:30 am and ran through his usual morning routine: make the bed, hot shower, work out- Mondays were endurance days: planks, crunches, lunges, and a 2-mile run-, cold shower, get dressed, morning coffee- one sugar, one stevia, no cream.

The mornings were when Astarion missed Lydia the most- not necessarily the banal domestic conversation, but the commotion of her in his house. Her inscrutable taste in music and the sound of her knocking around in the kitchen filled the void of silence in a far more alive way than the soft whisper-drone of NPR. It was also harder to fall back into old habits when someone else was there watching him.

His phone buzzed as he was finishing his coffee.

Speak of the devil, and she shall appear.

L: Hey, probably a stupid question.

Her name was still in his phone the way she’d saved it when they first met, as ‘Lydia 🖤😈’ and Astarion thought, as he did every time she reached out for something, that he should probably change that before the wrong person saw it.

L: Is there a purple and white cabochon earring lying around your bedroom somewhere? L: The last time I can remember wearing them I ended up at yours.

Astarion picked up his phone and typed a reply.

A: I know I have one of your earrings in my car cupholder.

A: I keep meaning to get it back to you. I’ll send it along with Wyll if you’d like.

She replied a few minutes later.

L: Absolutely do not do that. L: I’ll just run by your office L: God. L: You’re going to make the kids think I’m having an affair.

 Astarion read the text and put his phone down, intending to end the conversation, but then something clicked in his mind.

A: Hey. A: You worked at a DSS to put yourself through medical school, didn’t you?

L: ooOOOoo

L: You must REALLY need something if you’re willing to admit that sports medicine is real medicine😏😏😏

A: Answer the question, Silverwarden. L: I did. L: But I was an admin not a coordinator, so my knowledge is limited L: You might be better off talking to Isobel

L: She’s very nice! I can introduce you if you’ve never met! A: I’m an English professor, I’ve met the ADA coordinator. A: I need your discretion. A: Can you tell me why a student’s mental health deferment might get rejected? L: Is this about Xenia? L: It’ll be easier to explain if you call me.

Astarion checked his watch before he clicked on her contact information to call her. The phone rang a few times before she picked up. He heard a squawking toddler and the last snatch of her previous conversation: ‘…It’s just a student thing… Alright, see you tonight. I love you.’

“Hello, Mr. Goodman! Are you going to Vemo me a dollar, or shall I?” Lydia had an unhurried lilting voice, with a touch of a southern accent that made her swallow her ‘o’s and ‘t’s.

“What?”

“It’s a- never mind!” she huffed. “Have you consumed a single piece of media produced in this century? You fucking crypt keeper.”

 “Sometimes I have to review Jenevelle’s assigned reading choices for appropriateness.”

“Yeah, yeah.” He could tell she was nodding the way she did when he missed her point. “‘And so I Anal Douche While Kesha’s ‘Praying’ Plays From My iPhone on Repeat,’ I remember. She scandalized half the football team with that one.”

“The American Football team could stand to get scandalized more,” Astarion replied. “How are your little brats doing?”

As if on cue, there was another toddler squeal in the background. “Ruby took her first steps last fall, and Clem’s learning how to crawl exceptionally early, but I suspect you don’t actually care.”

He didn’t dignify that with a response. “Why would the DSS reject Xenia’s deferment?”

“So that’s the thing: They wouldn’t. The DSS covers ADA accommodations for students with documented disabilities; a sudden injury would not be under their purview,” Lydia explained, putting on her lecture voice. “The decision to defer a student’s financial aid awards would go to the university’s finance board—I think? It may go to the board of directors.”

“That’s not what Raphael told me.” Astarion pressed his tongue against his canine until it started to sting.

“I know you're not going to like to hear this, but Raphael may genuinely not know,” and she was quite right; Astraion was going to be pissed if he found out he'd been bluffed into his current predicament. “Disability services is an incredibly complex field- both necessarily and unnecessarily so. It’s still pretty unusual for a student’s medical deferment to get rejected… Can I ask what your interest in this is?”

“I’ve found a channel to contest the decision, but I want to make sure it’s at least a somewhat viable option before I drag Xenia into more bureaucracy.”

“hmm… I knew you two would get along.” Lydia replied, quite satisfied with herself. “You have a very similar energy.”

Astarion sighed. He knew someone had referred Xenia to his sophomore survey class last semester; he'd just never figured out who. “I suppose we both have that ‘father used to beat me’ twinkle in our eyes.”

“Don’t put those words in my mouth!” Lydia exclaimed. “I meant you both have a similar…” She groped for the right words, “…surviverly quality about yourselves.”

“Will to survive?” Astarion corrected her.

“Whatever!” She snapped.

“Do you know why Xenia might have been rejected?”

“Speculatively?” Lydia asked.

“No, I’m asking you to read someone’s mind.” Astarion quipped.

“I answered your call in front of my husband for this, you know?”

Astarion sighed again. “If he’s not comfortable with you talking to your exes, he probably should not have married someone who fucked their coworker.”

“Do you want my help, or did you call me just to snipe?”

“Fine… please speculate. Why would someone’s medical deferment be rejected?”

“Well, if I had to guess… Xenia was sort of a high-profile get for the university. And given her history, I think it’s pretty safe to say that incident-” she paused as if she wasn’t sure she was allowed to say the next part. “-I think that incident last fall was probably a suicide attempt.”

There was a beat of grim silence. When the news came down, everyone had made that assumption, but no one was brave enough to put words to the thought.

Astarion hummed in acknowledgment. “So, you think the school rejected her medical deferment over bad publicity?”

“I think it would turn into a massive media circus if that got out, yes,” Lydia replied. “They may be trying to push her into dropping out.”

“Do you think it’s worth it to challenge?” Astarion asked.

“I don’t know,” Lydia sighed. “At the very least, it would probably be good to have as a precedent if she ends up having to sue the school… You could always just ask her what she wants to do. Poor kid might be too tired for all of this.” 

“Fair.” Astarion pondered her words for a moment.

“Can I help you with anything else?” She asked.

“That’s all for now,” Astarion replied. “…Thank you, by the way. You don’t have to stick your neck out for me anymore, you know?”

“I know,” Lydia replied. “I did this because I wanted to. You’re still my friend -despite everything, I care about you.”

She hung up. Astarion’s phone screen went black. The house was silent again.

***

Gale got stuck in horrible traffic on his first day and ended up arriving 30 minutes late for his morning office hours. He skipped past dropping his lunch off in the breakroom fridge and rushed straight to the office, absolutely mortified that he was so late for his first proper day of class. He was so frazzled he had to double back to grab his coffee from the car.

It wasn’t like there would be anyone there waiting on him- a grand total of one student who knew who he was-, but it certainly made a bad impression to show up late on the first day of class.

Astarion was both bemused and incredibly entertained as he watched Gale flit around their office like a very flustered tornado, trying to cram one hour of planning into the thirty minutes he had remaining.

“You’re going to be fine.” Astarion had assured him. “It’s syllabus week, no one’s expecting Judith Buttler.”

Gale still left for his class 10 minutes early -just in case his classroom had teleported to a different dimension since he last visited it. It hadn’t. It turned out the room was exactly where he’d left it at the end of a strange little corridor in the library, and in fact, there were already two students waiting for him.

Xenia sat near the back of the classroom, wearing the facial expression of a kitten that was being petted too hard, as a pinch-faced, red-headed young woman combed her fingers through the knots in her hair.

“I can’t believe you’re not embarrassed to go out in public looking like this.” The pinch-faced woman scolded.

“It’s ha-ard to brush my hair with my non-dominant hand…” Xenia’s eyes bulged out of her head as the woman pulled her fingers through a particularly difficult knot.

“Chk. I’ll put it in a braid then, so you aren’t struggling to brush it.”  She started dividing Xenia’s dark hair into sections no more gently than she’d detangled it.

“Hello Xenia, It’s good to see you again. How are you doing?” Gale asked as he set his satchel down behind the podium.

“Oh, I’ve been worse… I’ve also been better- Lae’zel, that hurts!”  She squealed as the pinched-faced woman, Lae’zel apparently, tugged the braid tight.

“Then sit still so it will end faster.” Lae’zel scolded her. “I have younger siblings that squirm less than you, and they’re still in diapers.”

“I guess you’ll have to work on instilling more terror in my heart then,” Xenia replied. She gripped the edges of her desk with white knuckles as Lae’zel wrenched her head back.

Lae’zel hummed as if that was a legitimate suggestion. “Yes, I think we would have a much stronger working relationship if you feared me just a little more…”

Lae’zel finally let go of Xenia, who let out a breath like she’d narrowly avoided being hit by a bus as she pulled a few face-framing pieces from the clutches of her new French braid. Lae'zel turned her sights on Gale- though he desperately hoped it wasn't because she was planning on braiding his hair, too. “You must be the new English adjunct.”

“Yes, I’m Dr. Dekarios!” Gale replied. “You must be Lae’zel? The athletic director speaks very highly of you.”

“As he should.” Lae’zel nodded like he’d just given her the correct answer in an oral exam. “You should know that I designed to take this course this semester because I thought it would be taught by Dr. Ancunín rather than Dr. Shadowheart. I will be quite displeased with you if your teaching methods are as frivolous and unstructured as Shadowheart’s.”

Xenia’s eyes went wide, and her mouth formed a silent ‘Oh’ sound as she looked back and forth between Gale and Lae’zel.

“I can’t say that I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching Dr. Shadowheart teach, so I don't know how our teaching methods compare, but I will not deign to be frivolous or unstructured.” Gale laughed nervously.

“I think she is perfectly competent as a professor of literature, but she does quite poorly with the more structured elements of the genera. Dr. Ancunín does not fare much better, but he is preferable to Shadowheart.” Lae’zel explained as if Gale had genuinely asked her option. “You should know that thus far, you have not made a positive impression on me… you were quite late posting the syllabus.”

“My apologies, Lae’zel,” Gale replied, hand on heart. “I got let into my faculty account one week before the semester began.”

“Hm, yes.” Lae’zel considered his response. “This school does have abysmal technical support, so I shall let it slide this time.”

By that time, a few more students had filed in, and it was about time for class to start- or Gale was desperate not to hear any more unsolicited criticism of his colleagues. Astarion was right. The class went perfectly fine. He explained the structure of the course, and had everyone introduce themselves and state their major (he found out Xenia was there because she was a phycology major), before he explained the purpose of taking an upper level grammar and style.

“The purpose of learning advanced grammar is not to improve your everyday language… If the person you are talking to understands what you are saying, then there is nothing wrong with your grammar… Language should evolve to fit the speaker, the speaker should not evolve to fit the language… However, if you are going into a field like law or communication where you’ll be expected to use very precise language…”

It went by in a flash, and Gale could hardly remember if he got everything that he needed to into the lecture by the time class ended, but if anyone was unclear about anything, they didn’t let him know at the moment. He barely registers Xenia darting out of the room before he finishes saying, “Have a nice rest of your day.” A few people lingered to give him the heads up about things in their personal lives that might interfere with class, and one student wanted to know if he’d receive their letter of accommodation, but before long, there was a small congregation of people forming at the door waiting for Gale to leave so the next class can take over the space.

He walked back to his office with a spring in his step. He didn’t even mind that much when it started to pour rain, and he realized he had forgotten his umbrella in the car.

***

It wasn’t much dryer in the humanities building. Gale dodged around liner-less trash bins set up under bulging ceiling tiles dotting the hallway. In the break room, Karlach was holding a bookcase steady so Shadowheart could climb on top of it.

Gale paused and walked back to the breakroom to make sure he saw that right.

He did.

“Do you… need help with something?” he asked sheepishly.

“Nope, I think we’ve got it!” Karlach replied, ducking out of the way of one of Shadowheart’s heels. “Water pools in AC vents when it rains, so we have to bang on them a couple of times to make sure it doesn’t collapse.”

“O-oh?” Gale looked up and realized one of the panels of the overhead duct was swelling dangerously. “Shouldn’t we put in a work order?”

“Be my guest,” Shadowheart said. She precariously balanced on her knees, and Gale held his breath as the bookshelf wobbled underneath her. “But maintenance won’t get to it before the break room floods.”

She reached up and banged on the ductwork above her head, and the vent in the middle of the room started dribbling yellowish-brown water. Suddenly, there was a strange gurgling noise, then a thunk! as the panel popped back into proper shape.

“Great work, Jen!” Karlach whooped, holding out a hand to help Shadowheart jump down. They high-fived, and Shadowheart went about smoothing out her clothes, grumbling under her breath when she realized there was a massive run in her tights.

“This kind of thing happen often?” Gale asked.

“Only when it rains!” Karlach chirped. She checked her watch and immediately started towards the door. “Well, I’d love to stay and chat, but I’ve got to get to my day job.” She gave Gale a friendly pat on the shoulder as she passed him. “If the vents start to flood again, it’s your and fancy pants’ turn to fix it!”

“I don’t know if that bookshelf will support either of our weights…” Gale balked.

“Not with that attitude, soldier!” Karlach called as the stairwell door swung closed behind her.

“You can poke it with a handle broom until it corrects; it just takes longer,” Shadowheart assured him. “I’ve got to go switch tights before I get to my next class. I don’t know if you’ve had the displeasure of meeting her yet, but God forbid Lae’zel catches me with a run in my pantyhose.”

“Oh, so she does talk like that to your face then?” Gale replied. “I didn’t know if I should-”

“Talks like what- never mind, don’t tell me!” Shadowheart huffed. “I swear, after everything I’ve done for that girl- I’ll talk to you later!” She turned on her heels and followed Karlach up the stairs.

Gale sighed in relief, ready to hold up in his office for a little while. He reached into the front pocket of his satchel for his keys only to find it empty. Cursing under his breath, he thumbed through the things in the main pocket, hoping he’d accidentally mixed them in with everything else- nothing. Finally, he pulled out his phone only to find a series of texts from Astarion.

A: You left your keys.

Then, a little while later.

A: I’m going to be out of office when you get back. A: Ask Mizora on the second floor for the spare key, good luck.

[arttrampbelle]

Disney villain confessions:

Fave Disney villain and why: look it's really really hard to choose. But if i had to. Judge claude frollo. Simply because let's be honest. We will NEVER get a villain like that ever again. Dark,real,raw,and complex af. He's not enjoying being a villain let alone thinking he is one. One could argue he is a victim of the very faith he claims. Ah yes. That guilt be thicc boiz! But anyways,i feel he deserves the top spot because solely of the simplicity in the character and the fact he is ironically the most human in his downfall,his motives,his anger. And that my dears is what is terrifying.

The most closest to him in my fave list is hades but that's because he is the closest to his actual mythos counterpart. Chill,funny,just wants to do his job and everyone is making that a problem for some reason. Because some douchebag son of zuse wanted to show off and be a heroic epic. Thats it. The grand scheme of disneys Hercules is funny af if you really think about it. And meg,honey,he's cute and nice and all that but really?! But it's funny more so because greek mythos is kinda ridiculous too. But ya know.

Oh and captain hook. But more so the character in the movie hook. So damn good. R.i.p robin williams. I love you and miss you so much. He was like a childhood friend to me and i cried when i heard of his passing. Plz in all seriousness,check on your loved ones. Advocate for better mental health care. But back to disneys hook in peter pan. He was fun. Just plain fun to me. It was the feeling on playing on a playground,and that was the point. Tho it could get twisted and dark real quick. Oof. But as for overall. He's fun. I think he's neat and charming.

Scar. Oh my god,Jeremy irons. Legit blew his voice out for this character. Great villain. 10 outta 10.

All the lady Disney villains absolutely kill it but we already knew. Cept mother gothel to me. I feel she's redundant. Cool character,fun. But overall redundant in the grand scheme of things. At least compared to other villains,motives and overall vibe. *shrug* i dont hate her. I just feel she's pointless. Dont hate me plz.

But sadly as all the villains are great. Frollo is my top one.

Now onto my least favorite disney villain:

Gaston. Yeah. I mean he served his purpose. His role. But he's the least appealing of the classic villains. As for any new villains? Nah none of them are as appealing as the classics. They are golden years and renaissance for a reason. you just dont see any oomf to disney villains anymore. Hans is a close 2nd. It's legit just gaston but "pretty" and frozen and motives are weak. Gaston is at least upfront. We know what he's about. But overall I'd punt him into the sun. Hell i feel a lot of Disney villains would find this guy obnoxious and eff him up on spot. I feel it would even make frollo,the most repressed man alive,pissed off and defending belle from this douche. Frollo ffs. Just saying in hypothetical. Look it's no shade to gaston stans and enjoyer. He's a great villain. But he's the least appealing because to me,he's slightly boring but he serves his purpose so i can't hate 100% either. But hans? Nah nobody likes him. Nobody i know.

Again these are just my opinions. No shade to any Disney villain truly. But i neeeeeed oomf,that spice,that charisma,that je ne sais quoi so to speak. I need tragedy,comedy,and either a simple to follow motive or something so complex and straightforward it's believable. Which comes to my point. MAKE THE BULLSHIT BELIEVABLE!!!

Which is why we dont see many disney villains that are appealing anymore.

Now onto fave Disney villains songs.

Omg too many!

Helfire still ranks as my most fave a chilling song.

Poor unfortunate souls. Hell yeah Ursula my girl killed that! Love you sweetheart.

Be prepared. Once again. Jeremy irons rules.

I got friends on the other side. Princess and the frog. Underrated af. And that song is catchy and i love jazz. Lousiana. And this soul that is put into this song? Absolutely delicious.

Overall. I absolutely love Disney villains. And honestly. I loved them more than the princesses. Sorry. But definitely more than most disney princes. Until naveen,i didn't care for any of em really. Maybe beast but more so as beast so it doesn't count. And yes,some that aren't "official" princesses,i count as princesses. Because they are to me. And disney can suck it for that. But yeah naveen was fun,simple,cute,and he actually got character development in the movie. Pretty sweet. The only disney prince i felt earned his princess. That's the gospel truth. Hee hee.

Ok anyways im done ranting and raving about Disney villains.

[earnestlyegos]

Rank your fave mark egos, and why

-🗡(not part of the qnapp I just felt like asking)

this one. took awhile. also this isnt a list that like,, shows which one i hate?? i love, all of them! just some a little less, but if i had to rank em, this is how id do it! So this is more of a “most favorite to i still like them, but i like these guys more!!”

(1) Yancy

i like him the most honestly because hes just.. he means so much to me?? ive got no clue as of why i attached to him so hard, but something about the way he sings and dances, his daddy issues, his past, the way he smiles and just how dramatic he is. he makes my heart soar, i want to give him all he deserves. hes an amazing person to me.

(1.5) Wilford Warfstache

literally couldnt pick one favorite. warfstache was the first ego i fell in love with, due to his complex character and lore!! i love how in WMLW hes sincere with abe, and i love how kind he is before he goes “insane”. i love how hes a loyal man as william J barnum, and hes just AUGHHHH!! hes got so much to him and i love him so so so so much!! hes SO cool!! LIKE SPACE!!!

(2) Eric Derekson

eric is a hot and close second. i love how timid and nervous he is, and i love how he canonically comes back, and somewhat gets over that!! i LOVE characters with a tragic past, which is why yancy and wilf are first!! i love eric sosososo much, i wanna kiss his head and hold him, he deserves the world!! hes only second cause yancy and warf are some of my BIGGEST hyperfixations.

(3) illinois

ironically loved him and now i unironically love him. i love the confidence and the stupid fucking suaveness, it makes me laugh! i also headcanon hes a genuinely nice guy, and often teaches at the prison because he works with a program and such!! i like to think he genuinely loves his job, and is maybe (100%) is autistic over archaeology. i love his energy!!!

(4) Damien

i love him. i just, i do! i love how sincere of a man he is, how soft and serious he is, BUT HE CARES SO FUCKING MUCH FOR WILLIAM AND IT HURTS!!!! i hc him as such a nice man, who is genuinely doing his best to make everybody happy. he also deserves the world.

(4.5) THE JIMS!!!!

I FUCKING LOVE THE JIMS I LOVE THE HCS THAT PEOPLE COME UP WITH I LOVE READING THEM IN FICS!!! they are SOSOSOSOOO silly!!! devilish little bastards, rats!! rats in my walls!! I LOVE THEM.

(5) Head Engineer Mark

hes a stupid brat man child and i love him. hes such a smart guy, and yet so dumb and adventurous, i love his energy, and i love how hes basically captains puppy???? he really comes in close with damien for me, but we dont get much of his character in ISWM, so honestly its hard to form a solid opinion on him! otherwise i think hes absolutely fucking hilarious and i adore him and his personality.

(6) Darkiplier

i love you. i have the hc of him being edgy and evil, but hes also doing it mostly all for show. i love how its literally all out of spite because he fucking hates actor, and i love how hes just there to fuck up his plans. i love thinking hes just— HES A CAT, MAN. A SNARKY LITTLE SHIT, I LOVE HIM, HES GREAT. i also love the hc that he goes by most pronouns!! mostly he/they, but sometimes she/her and im absolutely fucking here for it. slay girliepop!!!!

(7) Bing

do i. do i have to explain? hes a douche! i fucking love him! over confident idiot, who looks epic?? dude, thats just me!! i just fucking adore his vibe, love how you see him interact with google in fics and shit, i just, THERES JUST SOMETHING ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES ME LAUGH IN SUCH A GOOD WAY!!!

(7.5) Actor Mark

hes a dumb egomaniacal asshole and i love it. hes fucking stupid and greedy, is also a man child, and i can absolutely see him pouting and stomping his foot when upset. HE ALSO KILLS HIMSELF FOR FUNSIES I JUST THINK THAYS FUCKING HILARIOUS??? literally dies and says to damien “hey i want you to be my villain, bye!!” and RUNS OFF TO MAKE ANOTHER UNIVERSE?? HELLO??? also hes evil and im here for that, slay king, fuck things up!

(8) King of the Squirrels

hes funny as fuck and ive read a few fics with him. love how people think he interacts with Bim and the jims, i also think he would be good friends with eric, considering they both LOVE animals!! love his outfit too!! hes just silly, and i like to think hes this nice energetic guy whose just really passionate over squirrels :)

(9) Bim Trimmer

show host. thats it. cannibalistic show host. love it. its me core, i love him. i like to think hes a nice guy, but also has manic undertones and a slight sinister feeling about him and OH BOY AM I FUCKING HERE FOR IT. im a sucker for the over dramatic show host type, and its a reason why i actually love spamton too! i love the “always have a professional smile even though im clearly extremely angry at you, so ill just be as passive aggressive as possible, haha!!” GOD I LOVE HIM

(9.5) Dr. Iplier

OF COURSE I THINK HE MATCHES WITH YHE HOST!!!!!!! their dynamic is so cute in fics dont even fucking get me STARTED. anyways, i love how much of an asshole he is in the skit(s??), but i also love how people write him as this caring and hardworking man. he would get along well with eric, dark, and the host in my eyes! maybe even yancy, because theyre both kinda a reserved character in my mind!

(10) Google

hes cool!! i love that hes a sinister sentient AI, and is always a fucking smartass. i love smartasses that are always serious and always follow the rules. Tenya iida core, iykyk— uh, love the guy!! again, love how hes an asshole, yet i still hc he cares about the others and alla that, he just doesnt show it and blahblahblah. also love his design, its something so simple yet, it really pops!! love the art people make of him, and i also love the asshole confidence hes got—

(10.5) The Host

hes also sosososooooo neat!! again, seen him in fics, i love how some people write him. he deserves love and care, and i think that him and yancy would really connect, considering theyre both outcasts in their own ways! hes a sweetheart who is trying his best and you literally cannot fucking convince me otherwise.

(and then all the others i dont know/care about)

lots of ties, though, hoped you enjoyed this long and VERY autistic ramble about the egos i like-

[insufferable-talkstuck]

Xenophobia

a post regarding xenophobia within The epilogues and HS^²

let me just preface this by saying, if xenophobia makes you uncomfortable you probably shouldn't read the epilogues, there's a long list of content warnings the epilogues have already but i cannot advocate for this enough do NOT underestimate how immensely fucked up the epilogues get when it comes to this.

Dubiously canon homestuck decides, for whatever reason, that xenophobia should be a plotpoint and that characters should go to fucking war. they use Jane as the major xenophobic douche politician

the way xenophobia exists on earth C, starts of as a belief, held by Jane crocker; that there should be reproductive laws for trolls and mothergrub. Jane expresses that the birth rate of trolls and their long lifespans in some cases, will result in the wipe-out of the human race, she says she's attempting to STOP xenophobia from happening.. by trolls to humans. because if they dominate the planet how could human reproduction ever catch up?

This logic in itself is fucked up enough, Jane wants to control how an entire species reproduces just because humans will be less in the outcome. there is no proper civil way to control this! and about the long lifespans, what would she do? kill the high blooded grubs as soon as they come out? i think you get why this is flawed.

but of course it doesn't stop here, tho at first Jane tries to be polite about this entire thing, more of her racism is revealed via comments that she makes on trolls. She is outright rude to karkat, which is made worse by the fact everyone else is actively ignoring how what she says to him is racist, and even telling karkat he's overreacting.

example one; Jade needed comfort at a funeral and Kanaya comforted her, Jane eyed karkat and exclaimed more of trollkind should be like kanaya.

example two; we can very clearly see she drops the nice act when she's actually mad at a troll, she calls gamzee an insect insultingly on multiple occasions

example three; various comments she makes that are sprinkled throughout interaction such as " im not xenophobic some of my best friends are trolls! " and "what's NOT xenophobic anymore??"

*WORTHY MENTION*

i really should have found a better way to include this because it is IMPORTANT. along with what is mentioned above, and how Jane's polite act falls if she's angered, her racist beliefs don't even stop here! she doesn't JUST want to control troll reproduction but believes trolls should be stripped of many of their rights, and not even be allowed to VOTE

I'm planning to make a list of all the chapters you can avoid in order to not be looking at xenophobia for hours if it's a sensitive topic, but as of now just know, the actual xenophobia spewed here, and the added offensiveness of everyone but karkat ignoring it's an issue can make the reading experience really hard if this is a trigger for you. Proceed with caution

[sparkles-oflight]

Have I ever told you, you are like Dopamin? - CHAPTER 2 - Plastika

Master Post | Chapter 1

Author's note: Hello, hello! Welcome to chapter two 🙃 I hope you enjoy this one!

Word count (according to Word): 5334 words

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It’s 11 am. I am well rested, I’ve drunk my coffee, and I’ve done everything I needed to do – well at least according to my to-do list. I’m just so glad the meeting wasn’t early like yesterday. I hate to wake up early in the morning and I hate every and any interaction when I’m in a “half-sleep” state.

I walk up to the studio and notice it’s already open. Nace must have arrived earlier to open it.

Or so I thought.

I placed my stuff in the meeting room, and as I walking up to the recording room, I hear guitars, bass, drums, and even voices.

- “Waiting for the rain to wash away” – I heard Francisca’s voice – “Everything the shadow dancers say”.

They seemed to be singing “Carpe Diem”, so I entered the room where Todd was listening to them sing.

- “As we light up with the fall of dusk”.

- “We'll play our love against your hate” – Bojan kept it going while also playing the guitar - “Don't you count on us to let you win today”.

I saw her slowly waving at me.

- “Let me hear you say”!

- “We'll dance and play until the stars fade”. – both sang together.

-  Ah-ah – Jan would try to sing my back vocals.

- “Across the sky, we're writing our names”.

-  Ah-ah. – I also sang along, but they couldn’t hear me.

- “Got no regrets, we want it all”. – Bojan sang solo this time.

- “Got no regrets, we want it all”. – and she followed right after.

- “Won't count the hours 'til the sunrise”.

- “Got no regrets, we want it all”. – they truly sounded like a powerful duo with their voice and pitch matching so well.

- “Let's leave a mark before our goodbyes” – and they joined their voices together once more – “Because we're only fully alive this moment in time”. – and I just sang along with them from where I was - “No mountain we can't climb”.

- “We danced and played until the sun came” – and once more, it was just Bojan’s voice as the instruments quieted down – “Writing a story using our names”.

And slowly I saw him turning his head towards Francisca. He held her hand, smiling.

- “About a generation not afraid to seize the day”… - and it was all quiet.

When their eyes met, it truly felt like the song, from Bojan’s perspective, meant more than just a “party like crazy” song. From my perspective…it was different. The truth is that Bojan doesn’t sound the same when he sings in English…there’s something lacking there. And I think Francisca does bring up that something. Both their voices are very similar, and she does have a weaker control over it, sure. However, she excels in interpretation, especially in English…

- Nice. – Nace grabbed a bottle of water – I need to have a break.

- Kris! – she said putting her headphones down.

I walked into the room they were in. She was smiling at first, but quickly that smile vanished as she remembered our past interactions…

- Hey everyone! I can’t believe everyone actually got here early.

- Actually, you are the only one late. – Maček said while picking up his lighter.

- Wait, what?

- We started two hours ago… - she said.

- Why am I the only one who doesn’t know about this? Again?

- Wait, you are telling me you are not in the group chat? – the cat boy said.

- I am… Did you kick me out of the SSF group chat!?

- No, I mean the Joker Out group chat on WhatsApp.

- We have a WhatsApp group now?

And at that moment I heard a notification from my pocket. I looked at my phone and saw: “Douch bag from TikTok has added you to ‘Collab’ group”.

- I might have forgotten to add you – said the Douch Bag, Bojan.

- Very funny…

- Oh, so that’s why I couldn’t save your number. – Francisca said – I just assumed you had me blocked. – I sure as hell can block her now.

- What were you guys doing? – I asked Nace since both Jure and Jan seemed to be out of the room.

- We were trying to figure out her singing key and rhythm.

- We don’t need to change a lot since her voice pitch is very similar to Bojan’s. They both seem to sing in similar keys.

- We were experimenting with Carpe Diem since it’s a song that she can sing well pretty much with no problems. – Nace was back to speaking Slovenian to me, so I looked at the couple who seemed to not be paying attention to what had been said – It’s just easier to experiment this way. You can play now. Bojan was just filling in for your position.

I walked up to those two and grabbed Bojan’s guitar.

- This is mine now.

- What?

- I’ll have it now. – I smiled at him – I’m the guitarist, after all.

- Oh, yeah. Sure, man. – he gave me the guitar and went towards Nace – I’m going outside. Wanna join?

- Yeah, no problem.

- And you? – he asked Francisca.

- I’m fine. I would rather not have to inhale the smell of smoke right now.

Both of them laughed as they left.

I was fidgeting with my rings and hands, and every time I played a cord, the sound just wouldn’t come out…

- So… - she said as she sat down.

But then she stopped. She started rocking in her chair with no idea of what to say. I tried to get the guitar the way I wanted but instead, I only got more nervous because nothing was going how I wanted. Eventually, I actually let a grunt out. That is the second time it has happened when I was next to her. Her stare alone can be pretty annoying.

She looked nervous as if she wanted to say something.

- What?

- I didn’t want to say anything…because you surely know more than I do…but…

- But what?

- Your guitar is unplugged. – I looked at it and I saw it – When you grabbed the guitar, the cord fell.

- Are you shitting me? – I sighed.

- That’s why, no matter how much you raised the volume, it was not working as it should.

- Thanks…I got that. - I resigned.

- No problem… and…

I looked at her.

- Nothing…

- What?

- It’s really none of my business but… you really have beautiful hands…

- And?

- As someone with small hands, I really like them. Also, I like to draw! And hands really do provide some of the best shapes in art.

- You draw?

- Yeah…I could draw you someday…

- I see you two get along. – Matej’s voice entered the room.

- Well, do we now? – She turned to me.

- I wouldn’t say that. – I said sitting down as well.

- I know Bojan is kinda “taking care” of her, but you know you are the boss in this band.

- I’m not exactly the “boss”. Nobody is.

- And I’m not exactly being “taken care of”. – she cringed at the thought of it – I’m my own person and adult. I would rather not be taken as a baby just for being slightly younger, thanks.

- Sorry about that. – he apologized to her - I’m going to call the rest of the boys. – and just like that he was gone.

- Ah, sorry. I was rude again. – she told me as she took a sip of her water.

- You weren’t exactly rude, just stating what you think.

- Yeah, but I never know when to shut up…honestly. I don’t understand much about social cues…

That seems funny. I thought she had this strong character and knew exactly what she was doing. So…she is just winging it? I guess that makes sense, putting a character on should be easier for her…But it also makes it harder for me to understand and connect with her…because I don’t know who she is. And I don’t know if I’m ready to go through something like that again. Knowing someone who doesn’t want to be honest, but instead prefer to act and put on layers of masks…

- Do you… - but before I could ask anything, I was cut off by the sound of the loud but short guy we all know and love.

- Are we ready for more!? – he said enthusiastically.

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I had Fran next to me…we were both looking for some inspiration, but it’s not easy if no one actually has any idea of what to do…

- I have an idea! – Fran broke the ice after a while of being stuck coming up with a concept.

- I’m all ears. – I told her.

- We want a love story, right?

- Yeah.

- Why don’t we spin a wheel?

- What?

- We spin a wheel with different options on what we want to do for the song’s concept and then we decide what to do.

- Where do you intend to get a wheel? – Kris asked her.

- Online, duh. – she smiled as she got her cell phone from her pocket – There are some templates where you just fill in what are your options, press “spin”, et voilà: you get a randomized answer.

- Let’s do that then! – I told her.

- First, “girl meets boy” or “boy meets girl”?

She wrote both options down and I placed my arm around her comfortably.

- Girl meets boy! – she announced.

- Oh my god, it’s us. – I bopped her nose and she smiled.

- Next, who falls first and the hardest?

The wheel spun once more, and the answer was clear:

- Holy shit, you like me? – I told her.

- Apparently, yes! – she said with a smile and with her hand on her chest.

- But where am I from? North, South, West, or East and central Europe?

- You are…

The answer was convenient:

- East and Central Europe. – I slapped my knee and, ironically, I said:

- Oh, what a coincidence. I know a guy like that!

- I’ll let you decide which country he’s from then.

I stretched my arms because of how offended I was by that question. He’s obviously from:

- Slovenia! – I told her, and she laughed.

- Okay, and the girl is from…- and the wheel spun.

- Ah, if it isn’t my favorite part of Europe: southern Europe. I personally believe she should be from Portugal, the capital of Spain.

- Shush! – she hit me lightly – You are this close to Slovenia becoming the capital of Croatia. – she said showing me her two fingers close to each other.

- That’s pretty and all, but uh… - Jan interjected – what about the actual story?

- Wait, I’ll write a bunch of tropes and see which one gets selected.

She copied and pasted the most popular music tropes onto the wheel.

- “Soulmates” … - Kris read the result out loud.

- Good or bad ending? – she said with a trickster smile.

- “Good ending”.

- That’s settled! – I announced by getting up and stretching! - It’s the beautiful story of a girl… - I ask for her hand, which she gives it – who came from a country bathed by the sun and the ocean to a beautiful country that borders the Mediterranean Sea.

- Slovenia has barely any coastline.

- A beautiful country nonetheless. – I help her get up like she was a lady – She meets a boy – I held her by the waist with one hand and with the other, I took her hand – who’s her soulmate and they fall in love.

She doesn’t directly look at me. Instead, she looked at the other members, in embarrassment, and held onto me as well. And after a dramatic pause, I finally let go of her hand and release a bit of her waist.

- I like the idea! – I said with assertiveness and in a funny tone. She laughed and hugged me sideways.

- Well, that was certainly dramatic. – she sat down again.

- Well, that’s what I live for! Drama! – I did some jazz hands which got her doing the same as me.

- Okay this is good, for you guys – Kris muttered – but lyrics aren’t really what is important right now.

- No… - she said – But now that we have a theme going on, we can research the topic. As a matter of fact…- she looked at me.

- Throughout the past months, the two of us have been talking a lot… and we have both shared songs that remind us of our cultures.

- So, we might have an inspiration for what the vibes of the characters are.

- So… - Kris noted – everything just fell into its place very nicely?

- It’s cool, isn’t it? – I showed some enthusiasm to that gloomy face of his.

But it seemed not to be enough. He has been like this since yesterday. He looks annoyed at how things seem to be going smoothly with Fran’s integration and possibly how quickly they are moving…. And he clearly wanted some time and space alone.

So, I did what any normal person would do.

I jumped on top of him and tickled him until he started hitting me with a pillow and we eventually fell on the drums’ cymbals.

- I HATE YOU! – Kris yelled as he laughed his ass off.

- I LOVE YOU TOO! – I was still on top of him. He tried to fight me off with his hands, which I grabbed and kissed him on the forehead.

I smiled and let my tongue out to mock him.

- ENOUGH! – Matej finally shouted at us. – Do you want to pay for damaged materials?

We looked around us as we sat on the floor, and we saw what we had just done. Everyone was very quiet after our storm… But not for too long… Nace and Fran were looking at each other, red as tomatoes, and they were trying to see who would burst out laughing first.

However, it was Maček the first who snorted. It was loud enough to break those two poker faces.

- “I LOVE YOU TOO” – Nace mimicked me – That was too good! - And the younger had already lost her shit and was laughing on the sofa.

Jan, on the other hand, was covering his face so that we wouldn’t see his expression, but I bet it was priceless. I smiled at Kris.

- Not my fault you have such a kissable face. – I told him in Slovenia since Fran was clearly busier trying to breathe.

I got up and Kris lightly slapped me in the butt as I walked towards the sofa. He barely managed to hit me - he was still gasping for air.

Matej and the whole crew were already fed up with us. So fed up that they had to call in lunch early so we decided to go out for a smoke break outside… It’s starting to get cold though and we’ll have to find an alternative to smoking in the studio since Fran is so sensible to the smell…

- Where do we go to eat today? – Juček asked after he let the smoke of the cigarette out of his lungs.

- Honestly, I’m not sure. – I told him, doing the same thing.

- Cya everyone! – Fran said rushing away from us.

- Where are you going?

- Having lunch with my friend! – she only stopped after reaching a safe distance from our “smoke corner”.

- Do you come back in the afternoon!?

- Obviously, you dumb-dumb ¡Nos vemos!

- What did she say? – Juček wondered.

- She said uh, that she’ll see us, in Spanish, right? – Jan waited for my confirmation.

- Yup.

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The five of us walked up again to that tiny room we were in this morning. We would have to, once again, deal with being stuck and! With a small creature claiming to be a singer, also known as Francisca.

- I can’t believe you brought me to a sandwich place… - Nace complained

- But there were gluten-free options. – Bojan told him.

 - Yeah, but gluten-free bread is *not* the same.

- You are a big boy! – the small annoyance told him, in English, and hugged Nace’s arm – You need carbs!

- “You are a small boy! You need soup!” That’s what my grandma would have said. – and of course, the only one who would say that would be her, Francisca, who walked in.

Bojan immediately hugged her and, this time, he even went for two kisses on the cheeks.

- Two kisses? – I asked.

- Last time Bojan tried to go for three kisses we ended up kissing on the lips. – she pointed it out very casually.

- Do you just kiss twice in Portugal?

- Yup. – she shrugged – So officially, Bojan was the first person to ever kiss me. Even if accidentally.

- Also, she’s so bad at kissing people on the cheek – he mocked her.

- Hey!

- It’s true! You don’t know how to kiss on the cheek, and I find it hilarious. She’s like a child!

- You see why we don’t do it.  – she looked at me and pointed at him.

She ended up sharing the playlist both of them had worked on. And after some back and forth, we even start coming out with some sounds. We even decided to incorporate one extra instrument that Bojan knows how to play: the accordion. Apparently, it was a common sound found in both folklore songs that they had compiled. I personally don’t think the sound of the accordion fits our music style, and we still want to be very truthful to our music style. The problem is, Francisca is not attached to a specific music style, and she likes music experimentation so we also should incorporate that part, but we are struggling a bit with it.

- I have an idea… - she said – my “character” comes to Slovenia, right? What if she brought a sound with her? It doesn’t have to be an instrument.

- Go on… - Bojan told her.

- For example, there’s stuff that reminds me of Portugal, certain sounds such as the guitar, like I told you. – she looked at Jan that nodded back at her – now imagine the sound of her footsteps when she meets the boy. In Portugal, we have this thing called “Portuguese Calçada”.

She pulled up her phone to show how the pavement of some sidewalks is done in Portuguese culture. Different black and white rock squares composed the shapes and drawings on the floor.

- It’s very pretty. – Jan told her.

- Yes, but it’s an endangered art. It’s too dangerous for people that aren’t used to walking on them and don’t expect holes in the floor. Or when it’s raining! This rock is super slippery. Now, see this.

She showed us some shoes with flower patterns sewn onto them.

- These are some shoes we use in typical folklore, there are different types of shoes and materials, but the traditional ones were in wood.

- So, what you are saying is…? – Jan was nearly asleep from the long explanation.

- Imagine the “wind” brings the sound of these shoes hitting the mosaic on the floor. It would be a really good repercussion sound.

- Took you that long just to sa- I was going to make a snarky comment, but I was stopped by our loud “leader”.

- ¡Maravilloso! – Bojan told her.

- ¡Muchas gracias, Bojan!

- Aren’t you Portuguese? – I told her – shouldn’t you refrain from speaking in Spanish?

- You aren’t the only ones allowed to speak multiple languages, obrigado.

We kept listing a bunch of noises and possibilities, Bojan and Francisca thought too much alike…even behaved similarly, she was just a bit shyer. When one cracked a joke, the other one had the perfect quote to complement it. When one was stuck, so was the other, and whenever one needed a break, so did the other. These two morons share a brain cell.

I thought that was just too funny. So, I let out a little snort and everyone looked at me.

- Are you okay? – Bojan asked as a grin formed on his face – What’s so funny?

I noticed the staring and decided to compose myself.

- I was sneezing. – I ahem to get my voice back to being firm - But I agree, a break sounds nice.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, sure, man. – and I coughed some more – I’ll just not go outside right now. It’s a bit cold.

- Do you have a cold? – I noticed everyone starting to talk to me in Slovenian, as I tried my best to stay in English.

- No, I am fine. Just need to eat something.

- Me too. – Jan put down the guitar - I’m starving.

Everyone got up and we all went towards the vending machine to get some snacks. Nace had to stick to the ones he brought from home. Afterward, the guys left to smoke, and it was just me and Francisca in the room, once again.

We didn’t talk for a solid minute. She had her earphones plugged in – as if we hadn’t already listened to enough music and sounds in the past couple of hours – and wrote a lot on her cellphone. Even so, from time to time, I would catch her looking at me. Eventually, I asked.

- Okay, who are you texting?

- What? – she said with a confused face as she unplugged her earphones.

- Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me. You are probably texting someone you like, and you don’t want me to tell Bojan that you are seeing someone else.

- What are you talking about? – she still had that same expression of pretending that she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

- Come on, at this point, everyone knows you two have been dating in the past couple of months. If you are cheating on him, you can tell me, and I’ll make sure to tell him for you. I just don’t want you out there breaking my friend's heart like that.

- What!?

- Come on…You wouldn’t talk so casually about an “accidental” kiss, or even behave so alike if you two do if you weren’t dating. You might not realize this because you never had a relationship before, but cheating hurts. Either that or you are just a big “pick me” and are making everything possible to be the perfect partner for Bojan, which, if you are here for that, you might as well have not come. We don’t need an actor playing a character, we need someone focused, and right now you are just slowing us down!

- Comes merda às colheres ou nasceste assim? – she said it with her hand in her head seriously getting angry at me.

- What?

- It means “Do you eat shit with spoons or were you born like that!?”

- Didn’t you say you like people telling you what they are thinking!? Why are you so rude?

- YOU ARE BEING RUDE! I am not dating Bojan! Bojan is helping me out every step of the way. And you? Ever since I stepped foot here yesterday, you have been throwing me shade with snarky comments, side-eying me, and constantly tearing me down and sometimes straight up excluding me. If you want this done in time, be a fucking professional and grow up!

Wait…They are not dating…? And I’m the one being rude? I’m the one excluding her? I don’t think I had realized that…If anything I thought I was the one being excluded. Her bright personality seemed to be shining on top of everyone else’s, and her “narcissistic gentleness” seemed more like an act than her own feelings…but if that’s so…why do I see truth in her eyes right now…?

I had no idea she felt that way. She felt the same as me.

- I’m sorry…

- Well, you better be! – she sighed - I’ve been trying to get along with everyone. And it’s frustrating that no matter what I do, you still treat me like this…

She went silent for a moment...

- Sorry for bursting onto you like that… - she said plugging her earphones again – I understand that I’m hard to deal with, and I understand two days is too long for anyone to put up with my BS, let alone two months. I should have regulated a bit more my emotions. I’m sorry…

Silence again… but this time, I’m the one bringing in the sound.

- Do you need help with something…?

She looked at me…as if I finally said the right words…

- I… - she stopped and messed around with her hair – I’m just texting my friend…I’ll be fine…

- I apologize for making so much drama with you and Bojan… - I looked at the floor and fidgeted with the rings in my hand.

- No, it’s fine… - she said, also looking at the floor.

- I’m sorry I’m acting like a child. I’m an adult… - I sighed as I looked up to avoid a tear to get away from my eyes – I should know better by now that I shouldn’t mess around with other people’s lives and not make assumptions…

- It’s fine… - she kept saying, not actually listening.

- And I was rude…I’m sorry. – she was not listening to a single word of what I was saying. She was just disassociating.

I approached her and kneeled down to see her expression. Her eyes were red from holding back her tears and she started biting on her nails, which was hurting her…

- Hey… - I said as I grabbed both her shaking hands – What do you need?

She took a deep breath and finally let out a single tear. With her voice sulking she finally asked for what she needed.

- So, uh…my manager is going back to Portugal after this week. And I also only have a reservation for a couple of days at the hotel. I was hoping I would find an apartment to rent until January easily here, but I guess it’s just as hard as in my country.

- Can’t you stay longer at the hotel?

- Nope, every single one is booked in Ljubljana until after Christmas, and it’s super expensive either way. Sorry, I don’t make that much money. – she laughed, as more stray tears left her eyes.

- That’s why you were texting your friend?

- Yup. She – she breathed in a little bit, and she was starting to get calmer – she says I can stay at her home for a bit, but personally, I would feel bad because her parents don’t speak a word of English. – she smiled – Do you have a tissue?

I touched my pockets, but I couldn't find the ones I thought I had with me.

- Sorry, already took them away from you. – she said smiling and showing me the package.

- What!? How!?

- You probably have a hole in your pocket. That’s how. – she finished cleaning up her nose and face.

- Oh god, I really do have a hole in my pockets! – I said as I found the motherfucker.

- Let me see. – she said putting the tissues in my pockets.

- They are not just gonna fall out like that.

- I mean… if you move around, they probably will fall.

- Let me just- I was about to get up but before I could process it, a couple of arms were hugging me.

They were of a small person with a long green and white sleeve shirt. They had puffy short hair and the most beautiful brown eyes you could ever picture. That was brave of her…How come she hug someone with whom she was just angry at? Who mistreated her? I understand the whole “forgive and forget thing” …but she should really learn how to have some self-respect.

I wanted to say that…but it did feel nice to have her around me for once…

- Fran… - she let go of me and smiled directly making eye contact with me.

- Nice to meet you. – she told me, extending her hand – My name is Francisca, but you can call me Fran, like you just did.

I was hesitant at first, but I took her hand.

- You must be Kris, right? I really enjoy your music. I’m very glad I got the chance to talk and work with you.

I laughed awkwardly and then I finally accepted it: this is the true way we first met. Eye to eye, no pretending to care about each other, no bickering…

- Yes, I’m Kris. And I hope this collaboration sails smoothly.

She smiled a lot. She was for once looking at me brightly. She was looking at me as someone who actually took her into consideration. She was looking at me as someone meaningful in her life. I hope I’m looking at her in the same way…

From the entrance, I heard some claps. We both looked at the door, and everyone had already returned.

- Whoaw, that was beautiful. – the author of the claps, Nace, said – Bojan is crying.

- No, I’m not. – he tried to wipe away a couple of tears that were running out of his eyes – it’s the cold!

- Think fast! – I told him.

I threw at him the tissue packet, only for it to hit his face and then land on his hands.

- You deserved that for eavesdropping.

- We weren’t here for too long actually. – Juček said as he was doing pull-ups in the doorframe.

- We came in when she was already crying. – Jan walked towards his guitar – So, uh, you need a place to stay?

- Well, I’ll have to find something, yes. – she said still cleaning her face.

- Bojan – Jan called for him – Don’t you have a spare room in your house?

- Yeah, I do. – then Bojan redirected his attention to Francisca – You could totally sleep there, if you are okay with it. I live with Martin, but he’s studying most time. – he crossed his arms – If I sleep on the sofa, my room should be available. Free of charge.

- But I could never do that! – she protested – If I were to go live with you guys, first you’d have to ask Martin. Second, I’m not using your room! It’s yours! I would sleep on the sofa. And third, I can’t stay there free!

- If you insist a lot, I might make you do my laundry.

- Yes, me messing around with a washing machine in Slovenian makes a lot of sense. – she looked at him with a tired look.

The lovebirds debated back in forth for a while before settling on Francisca staying at Bojan’s house until the end of this journey.

And once again, I had that annoying feeling in the back of my head. About this whole collaboration, about Bojan and Francisca’s relationship…why do I despise her? Or do I? I don’t think that’s it… I think I just don’t like all the attention she gets.

Honestly, I would think as an adult I would already have my emotions all sorted out, but, man, I’m a wreck.

WHATSAPP: “+351 XXX XXX XXX sent you 2 messages”

Unknown: Hello hii, it’s Francisca :)

Just wanted to tell you that I arrived at the hotel safely :D

This is your sign to save my number *finger guns*

Unknown: Anyways,

Keep calling me Fran :D

I like it <3

DO YOU WANT TO ADD THIS CONTACT OR BLOCK?

ADD

SAVE AS: “Fran-chica”

♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫♩♫

After note: I actually hate to write Kris 😅 at least bitchy Kris like in these first two chapters. Maybe because he's the one I can predict the least out of all the boys. It's hard for me to read that boy (cough cough I just have a crush on him lol Cough cough).

Btw! Franciscas are usually called by Chica or (more recently) by Kika, not Fran. Anyways, in Spanish, "Chica" means "girl". Just thought you'd like to not that info :)

Chapter 3

[returntosaturn271995]

Saturday, August 10th: A sentence or two for the last 11 days- because the faintest of ink is better than the best memory

God once offered me perfect breasts or a perfect memory- I forget which one I chose.

All jokes aside- here's a vague social calendar for August so far. The vibes have been immaculate but could use some of the basic organization and self-discipline I occasionally dabble in.

Wednesday, July 31st: Ran 4 miles, made Keith schnitzel before he headed off to Vegas

Thursday, August 1st: I honestly can't find any evidence this day even happened, which is ironic because the quote I wrote down for it was "accountability is power". I assume I paid some bills, which is nice.

Friday, August 2nd: Haley, Monika and I went out drinking and dining downtown at Lumi and I lost my car keys like a fucking idiot. Didn't let it ruin the night though. I wore a hot pink dress with a gold clasp in the front and Monika wore a crop top to distract from her peg leg- it's giving pirate wench chic.

Saturday, August 3rd: Got my car keys back! A very annoyed uber driver delivered them unto me. Thanks Tile! All the fake nails I pressed on fell off. Went on a long walk with Maddy in a baby blue outfit to get smoothies. Posted on IG: "Is there a clean girl aesthetic where two showers later your eye-makeup is still on?". Made a peach and goat cheese pizza while Keith sent me filthy texts from Vegas.

Sunday, August 4th: According to my to-do list, I walked to my car and incurred the wrath of newly purchased vans blistering my heels. (Nate actually noticed my car across from his house because it's beat up, 25 years old, a BMW and not at all a metaphor for my life). I wiped down the bathroom and my dressers and took out the trash. Keith came over and we grabbed sushi in PB, the waiter winked too much. I wore a graphic tee, black slip dress, and carried cherry red handbag.

Monday, August 5th: Finished House of The Dragon, read, caught up on the news, and made Keith and I tomato basil pasta with breadcrumbs and parmesan. Kirby called asking to hang out, apparently he's doesn't want the current girl he's dating to be his gf, is it wrong that I'm oddly relieved?

Tuesday, August 6th: For lunch I made myself spicy quesadillas with sour cream. Then after some mild peer pressure I went out to the ball game AKA the VOLO team that so far has broken Monika's ankle and Brielle's arm in three places. We just sat there, drank wine, and DJed. After some swift losing, we went to the Old Town Saloon afterwards and Keith ended up joining us. Turns out he knows Eli from a business lunch in SF years ago. The world is tiny. Keith and I ended up getting Taco Bell and I introduced him to the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

Wednesday, August 7th: Canceled my plans because holy fuck was I tired. I made some black bean and veggie stuffed peppers, cleaned the kitchen, read, grocery shopped, started birth control, and took a very nice shower.

Thursday, August 8th: Kirby came over for fried chicken sandwiches and the sunset at Wind and Sea. Wore a white denim dress and he took photos of me at golden hour. I gave him some books I thought he'd like: Mathew Perry's autobiography and David Sedaris's "Naked". He asked if I ever gave back his sunglasses. "No." I lied. Then I changed in to my, "Play Something Emo" shirt, Keith came over, and we watched the beginning of the final season of The Umbrella Academy. Our Chemical Romance.

Friday, August 9th: A lot of sleeping with vivid dreams. Not sure what any of it means or why I can go down so hard. Factory re-set. Kind of nice. Keith texted to let me know that he paid for an elderly women's flowers in line at the grocery store (where he was probably buying Kombucha or a twisted tea), but she welled up and said thank you. I believe that he did it, there's something romantic and generous to his character- even if he's still kind of a douche in a bunch of other ways. Why must people have layers??

Saturday, August 10th: I woke up ready. Threw on my yellow work out set, did some skincare, and the walked to grab breakfast supplies for the week. I took my meds, went on the briefest of runs (it all counts!), and meditated on pattern interruption. Why stumbles don't have to become falls. I did the laundry while watching My Lady Jane, began planning next week, and ate at home. Bonnie's second baby was born, a girl named Solvei ("Sunny" if she ends up cheerful). Tala's reaction to having a baby sister? "I'm so mad right now, cause I love my baby so much".

That's a she wrote, folks! For now.

[nsfwhiphop]

Angelo & Australian baddie @abbiecornish dialogue:

Angelo: "Hey Abbie! Should we tell them?"

Abbie: "No, don't do that. Bradley Cooper will be jealous."

Angelo: "But it's fun to tell the world we're in love, you and I."

Abbie: "Okay, what the hell! We can tell them we're in love, right? I mean, who cares if Bradley Cooper gets jealous. He hasn't called me since 2010 when we made 'Limitless.'"

Angelo: "Seriously? Bradley never called you after that movie? Wow, he's such a douche. How much you wanna bet he'll chase you now? Yeah, I bet he'll be in your DMs after he reads this text, begging you to let him hit it."

Abbie: "I need a new sugar daddy anyway. Bradley will have to pay for this coochie now. I have Brad Pitt on the other line and also George Clooney. The price of my coochie just went up."

Angelo: "Don't forget the Lesbian mafia. They will chase your coochie too. Ellen and Portia will make you a much better offer than these Hollywood actors. I encourage you to join the Lesbian mafia of Hollywood; they offer good food and good sex."

Abbie: "Thank you so much, Angelo! I owe you one. What can I do for you in return?"

Angelo: "Just tell them that I'm the best lover you've ever had. That will suffice. Because I'm not lying, I just changed your entire career with one simple text. Am I lying?"

Abbie: "It's true, I can't deny that. You are the best I've ever had. You changed my life with one text. No one can do that, only Angelo can do that. You're my hero!"

Angelo: "You know that I will be in your heart and mind after this text, right?"

Abbie: "What do you mean? I don't understand."

Angelo: "It means that I changed your entire life with one text and then decided to move on with my life and ignore you. This is why I'm telling you that I will be in your heart and your mind from now on. You will always wonder, 'Where is Angelo, that righteous man who changed my life with one text? Where is he? I want to meet him.' But I will refuse to meet you for security reasons. As you can imagine, I'm an AREA 51 gang member, and this virtual meeting never happened. I'm basically a ghost who did you a one-time favor. Get it now?"

Abbie: "So, you're not gonna beat this coochie up? For real? Are you telling me that I will be stuck in a relationship with Bradley Cooper from the Hangover series? And you refuse to sit with us? Why? I want to meet you and even let you hit it. Come on, say yes."

Angelo: "Relax, I'm gonna meet you in the future, don't worry. I love you too, Abbie. We will have fun later on. Right now, you have to go team up with Ellen and Portia's Lesbian mafia in Hollywood. They will take good care of you. Trust me, your Hollywood film career will never be the same again. You will have a lot of gigs now."

Abbie: "Do you have a friend in Hollywood that I could give coochie to? I'm willing to be nice to one of your friends and give him coochie. Who do you think I should give this coochie to?"

Angelo: "I vouch for Mike Judge. Call him, and he will beat the coochie up. He will satisfy you, guaranteed. He is one of my best friends in Hollywood. You can trust him; he will be good to you."

Abbie: "Mike Judge is the creator of the Silicon Valley TV series, right? And also the 90s Beavis and Butt-Head?"

Angelo: "Yeah, that's him. Mike Judge is my bro. I have immense respect for his talent as a director. Silicon Valley is one of my favorite TV series of all time, so well written."

Abbie: "Thank you, Angelo! I will never forget what you did for me."

Angelo: "You're welcome, my dear Abbie! I plan on being good to you in the future. Just don't be on the naughty girl list of Santa. If anyone bothers you or tries to bully you, don't hesitate to call these two women: @zoesaldana and @rosariodawson. They will help you find a community of women to protect you. Zoe and Rosario will become your best friends."

Abbie: "Okay, got it! Zoe and Rosario are my friends."

Angelo: "Since you are an Aussie girl, I know an Australian girl in America. Her name is Iggy Azalea (@thenewclassic). You could hang out with her. I'm sure you will get along with her. Margot Robbie and Iggy Azalea are two Australian women in America. You can join their female gang if you want."

Abbie: "Got it, Iggy Azalea (@thenewclassic) and Margot Robbie. Thanks."

Angelo: "You were born in 1982, and I was born in 1981. You get why I look out for you. We are the same age. I see you struggling. I had to help you. You're a good woman, Abbie. I see you from afar."

Abbie: "Are you in love with me?"

Angelo: "No, I'm not. I just want to fuck you , that's all. Plus, I enjoyed your movie 'Limitless' with Bradley Cooper. That film was dope."

Abbie: "If you're a good boy, I will let you hit it."

Angelo: "Thanks, but not now. I'm busy with way too much coochie. I'll take a rain check for now, maybe later when I find the time. Bye, bye now. Love you, Abbie."

The end of the dialogue.

P.S.:

Mike Judge picture:

[stopgapsolution]

List of players/teams I hate some for no reason, most for petty reasons and a few for real reasons I refuse to overlook I kept updating the post for enemy players and I realized how many I actually have. And since I am bored at work I included why in great detail below the cut.

1. Matthew Tkachuk (ratchuk) - attacks my goalies and pissed off Ully and Flower who are literal rays of sunshine and hardly ever attack people

2. Ville Husso (shitso) - not Jake Allen ruined the blues for me and now I refuse to watch the wings games if his bitch ass is playing

3. Nazem Kadri - disgusting shitbag that has seriously injured someone by dirty hits to the head every year since I started watching hockey

4. Tom Wilson - bitch you can be a tough bad ass player without trying to kill people

Auston Matthews - Mister I get drunk and get arrested for mooning and terrorizing women

Semyon Varlomov - shitbag google for more information if y’all want

Patrick Kane - google all of the different reasons he is a shitbag

Evander Kane - shitbag with multiple women accusing him of abusing them and obviously the gambling problems

Logan Couture - game 7 mocking flower after scoring was pathetic and douchy on a new level

Robin Lehner - Not Flower creepy bitch ass and the whole snake thing proves me right

Jack Eichel - I hate his face and want to punch him every time I see him or hear him mentioned

Milan Lucic - gives me the creeps and that dirty hit on the oilers goalie made me hate him

Entire Avs team - my entire family hates the avs in fact it’s the only hockey thing we all agree on

Entire sharks team - at this point I should let the grudge go because I hate the knights just as much but couture is still on the team

Erik Karlsson - on top of being a shark he is a bitch ass dracula reject

Entire leafs team - stop stealing my players actually the fans are the main reason I hate them some of the most irritating people on social media when I bother checking

Entire Canes team- the team itself did nothing but fans are absolutely disgusting and batshit crazy with bomb threats this year and attacking pasta’s family on social media last year 🔪🔪🔪

99.9% of wild team - they did nothing other than being located in Minnesota and I watched my first game a few days after minnesota state eliminated my lakers from playoffs

Entire CBJ team - I just hate all things Ohio

Philipp Grubauer (shitbauer) - played for avs and avs fans made me hate him when I got multiple hate messages on old blog telling me he was better than Flower plus he is boring to watch

Yanni Gourde - bad vibes kind of a less irritating ratchuk

Dylan Larkin - huge self centered douche bag in high school according to my brother and several of his friends plus he acts to nice when there is a camera around and seems fake as shit

Joe Pavelski (shitvelski) - I just want to see him take a puck or skate blade to the throat

[controlaltdelete-my-existence]

List of ✨directorial decisions✨ HxH 1999 is insane for (hunter exam edition):

Episode 1:

- Baby Gon Baby Gon Baby Gon (and Konta)

- okay this is in-line with the manga but still: Mito hates Ging so much that she first lied about Gon’s parents dying in a car crash, then retracted that and told Gon to his face that Ging abandoned him, then admitted at the end of the episode that she forced Ging into a custody battle which. Is objectively the strangest scenario I can imagine.

Episode 2:

- Leorio stops Gon from getting kidnapped (by someone implied to be a child tr*fficker) in episode 2 like HWAT?

- Holy shit the knife he uses during the hunter exam is the same one he took from the kidnapper wow

- Also Gon then spends the rest of the episode following him around and being a Disney Princess so like. Good for him.

- Kurapika is just hanging around most of the episode giving off Main Character Vibes and nothing else.

Episode 3:

- 1999 Kurapika design is just *chef’s kiss*

- Seeing Kurapika now as opposed to Yorknew and Dark Continent hits me like a truck

Episode 4:

- Nothing much this episode except Kurapika adopting Gon and being so passive aggressive it’s funny

- Leorio threatening to beat up/kill an old women is… off putting

- They named the eavesdropper “Matthew” and made him even more of a douche.

Episode 5:

- I’m still confused about the needle mark lol. Like how did Leorio see it under all that fur? At least this version gives him more to do during the Kiriko escapade.

- Alright the fist bump between Kurapika and Leorio is cute

Episode 6:

- Killugon height difference my beloved

- KILLUA’S TINY SHORTS

- Gon asks Killua’s name and age first, when in the manga it was vice versa

- Hisoka having a high, playful voice as opposed to his usual moan-tone is strange to say the least

- Tonpa is even uglier than usual

Episode 7:

- Not only is 1999 pushing the gay agenda it is also pushing the Leorio agenda.

- Killua brought bombs to exam because why wouldn’t he

- “Kurapika would you stop looking at me like that”

Episode 8:

- *People getting brutally slaughtered by wildlife*

Kurapika: My goodness

- Hisoka’s first murder spree <3

Episode 9:

- One thing I do appreciate about the 1999 version is the additional focus on the side characters. Comedy like that between Hanzo and Pokkle during the Second Phase helps the world feel more alive and the characters more engaging.

- Hisoka catching fish.png

- Not Killua and Hisoka making the same dish 😭 Hisoka pouting by the river also deserves a mention

Episode 10:

- Gon is so nice like wow.

- I like Menchi! High-strung cooks are pretty normal from what I understand.

Episode 11:

- Tonpa continues to be an annoying dick, though he’s more useless than anything.

- Gon and Killua bonding!

- Killua is such a cocky little shit and Gon is polite even when making trouble and I love that for them

- The girl with a grudge against the Zoldycks is just. Laughable compared to what we know about them later. She’s lucky she ran into Killua out of the bunch.

Episode 12:

- Gon is straightforward and mischievous. Killua is calculating but cocky. It’s a great dynamic that evolves with the show.

- Idk if this is controversial or not but like,, Killua’s assassin mode is cool. Despite the history that comes with it. I like slightly unhinged!Killua a bit more even if soft!Killua is most people’s favorite.

- I love Gon’s hair physics in 1999. IMO It’s too tall in 2011 (most of the time) but 1999 has a nice balance of springyness and length.

- Killua’s character art is so good. I’m in love with the soft spikiness

- Ah yes, the Hunter exam. The time where Gon’s tendency to push himself to the absolute limit in order to demonstrate his worth as a person was just rearing its head and not as utterly self-destructive as it would later become.

- Not Kurapika throwing Leorio under the bus (Menchi) 💀✋

Episode 13:

- Trick Tower my beloathed. On one hand, character interactions and cute dynamics (Kurapika pushing Leorio). On the other, Tonpa and Leorio’s challenge with the prisoners.

- The expressions when Tonpa surrenders 😭

- “Gon is a sociopath” “Hisoka is a psychopath” incorrect and tired. TONPA is fucking crazy like Jesus Christ have you heard this guy monologue?

- Everytime I watch the manacles drop from the prisoner’s hands I always wonder how they avoid their toes being smushed

Episode 14:

- The candle trick challenge always cracks me up. Kurapika and Killua supporting Gon’s decision until they hear his reasoning 💀

- The sound effects they use for character movements KILLS ME. When Majitani cracks his knuckles it’s like a pile of rocks falling down. When he flexed it’s like rubber. I hate it sm even if I love everything else.

- The Scarlet Eyes in 1999 are the shit fr

- Cuarpickt’s ethics strike back

Episode 15:

- Leorio doing cool shit 😳

- “Kurapika, I’ve dealt with the consequences of your pride.” “Leorio…” PLEASE

- Hisoka and Illumi playing cards 😈

- Another shout-out for the little character interactions in 1999, I love them sm

Episode 16:

- Leorio doing uncool shit

- I don’t wanna talk about it

- I will say I like her design a lot better than 2011

- Killua taking the serial killer’s heart here is objectively cooler

Episode 17:

- I LOVE THE TRICK TOWER MONTAGE LMAO

- It’s amazing how much I want to fucking kill Tonpa. Exquisite feelings of hatred.

- Gon suggesting breaking through the wall is like. Defining character moment to me.

- RIP to Killua’s skateboard :(

- Kurapika’s fondness for Gon in this arc is so underrated

Episode 18, 19, & 20:

- YAS BEST FILLER ARC

- So many good character interactions. So many.

- ENGLAND IS CONFIRMED TO EXIST IN HXH?!!

- The ICONIC “what is going on in this hunter x hunter clip” response comment is from these episodes

- Illumi just indulges himself as Gittarackur huh

- The Kurta artifact :(

- LEOPIKA AGENDA IS REAL

- Gon and Killua put their beds together like a sleepover 😭

- Killua head pat Gon (also the ass smack in Heaven’s Arena… I think he’s just more physically affectionate in this version).

- Everyone working together really makes the next phase hit worse/better.

- My god even TONPA got something to do

- The music here was so good. Not that it usually isnt, but like wow

- LEOPIKA AGENDA IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE. Kurapika refuses to give the order to move despite everyone relying on him because he can’t bring himself to leave Leorio. Like holy shit the bait is real.

- POKKLE AND PONZU WERE SO GOOD 😭

- Captain Kurapika!

- Leorio and Gon take turns being unconscious and saving each other

- Not Killua lIterally SENSING Gon coming back up 😭

- Hisoka and Illumi stand around being useless for most of Phase 3.5 which is hilarious but ultimately save the day. I wonder if Illumi took his needles out as a teaser for manga readers or if he just. Couldn’t see well with them in.

Episode 21:

- Zevil Island time YIKES

- The second the announcement is made Hisoka already has murder in his eyes

- The sheer hatred between Leorio and Tonpa kills me

- Gon drew smiley faces on all of his practice dummies 😢

- He covered the hooks on the fishing rod so he wouldn’t hurt the birds 😭 I love him sm

- PLEASE HE HAS A LITTLE NIGHTLIGHT. I WANT TO ADOPT HIM SO BADLY

Episode 22:

- The only time the rubber skin sfx work for me is when Illumi is taking out his needles

- Alright I may get burned at the stake but I personally love the dub voices for everyone except Gon. Which is really sad, because if his voice sounded anything remotely similar to how it did in both 1999 and 2011 subbed (and maybe 2011 dubbed, though that’s a stretch) I would definitely watch 1999 dubbed all the way through.

- Illumi’s outfit and color scheme is kinda fire though.

Episode 23:

- Kurapika and Leorio fucking around on the forest floor

- Hisoka’s bloodlust run SENDS me

- Who else but Kurapika would negotiate with Hisoka on his own terms?

- The amazing soundtrack strikes again. I get chills when he begins to finally unsheathe his blades. Also Leorio pulling his out of his pocket like it’s gonna be a fucking knife fight lmao

- Hisoka practically creaming his pants while Gon is Right There is nothing new, but uh. This is first instance of it in the show so it deserves a mention.

- Bit of a rant here about Gon and HxH in relation to other shounen: https://bit.ly/3phcBB5

- I remember the Hisoka murder run being so terrifying as a kid 😭

- God Hisoka smiling at Gon after Gon took his badge is just so… eugh.

- Gon got the Leorio Uppercut Special. Talk about humiliating.

- Not the slurping noise when he licks the blood 🤢

Episode 24:

- Just an episode of Gon trying to recover after having his confidence broken. They didn’t shy away from the aftermath, which I’m grateful for. Really shows how much it damaged his pride and affected him. Gon has to think about why he came here, deal with homesickness amongst the most challenging days of his life, and somehow nurse himself back to health while barely being able to move.

- On another note: Baby Gon!

- Killua being adorable

- THE EXPRESSION ART ON HANZO LMAO

- Actually 1999 Hanzo is great I was so disappointed to see what he was in comparison in 2011

Episode 25:

- Gon’s absolute zero self-worth manifesting as a “I need to overcompensate when I’ve fucked up or else I’m worth nothing” rearing it’s head in the form of poisonous reptiles 💀

- Why tf Kurapika and Leorio always staring at each other like yeah Leopika agenda but also chill tf out

- I still wanna know how tf Gon carried three whole ass adults by himself. How does he do his strength training.

Episode 26:

- HAHA I LOVE THIS PART

- Expression art in 1999 is another level. The reactions when they think they’ve figured it out as a written exam are so fucking funny

- Kurapika’s theme is so nice. It’s kind of lonely, but also comforting.

- Kurapika and Gon’s conversation about Zevil Island is such a good moment that helps define their relationship

- Hanzo, Pokkle and Leorio “studying”

- Idiot trio asking HISOKA of all people for help

- Are you joking 😭 Not Leopika watching Killua and Gon play together my god the found family is real

Episode 27:

- Kurapika v Hisoka is great

- Horror-soka face strikes again. I know I praised the expressions but Yikes

- Leorio went from pleading with Kurapika to lose so he wouldn’t have to face Hisoka to not caring about that and just worrying endlessly the entire match. I love him

- I fuck w/ Kurapika

- Gon jumps into Leorio’s arms when Kurapika wins like holy shit that’s adorable (and then Leorio puts him on his shoulders like what a dad moment)

- Ok so interestingly, after Kurapika wins, he admits to Leorio that he should have surrendered. When Gon prepared to face Hanzo, he says, “I have to follow Kurapika’s lead and become the second to pass.” This can mean two things: one, he simply wants to pass, similarly to Kurapika. And/or it could also mean he’ll follow Kurapika’s lead by refusing to give up despite the danger, focusing on the goal of passing the exam. There are so many parallels between them GOD. At this point I just want them to call each other in the manga and just Talk (I know it won’t happen but still 😭)

Episode 28:

- At the beginning of the match, the proctors (namely Menchi) make it a point to talk about how outmatched Gon is, yet within a minute they’re all cheering for him and yelling at Hanzo for taking things too far.

- The sheer brutality of this version tops 2011 100%. I don’t think it’s controversial to say that 2011 sped through the Hunter Exam, which is unfortunate since a lot of impact was lost. This fight was hit particularly hard by that.

- The lighting, the choreography, the direction. All of it was phenomenal here.

- “If he keeps going, he’ll destroy himself,” said Cuararpickt, king of the hypocrites

- Kurapika and Leorio worrying about Gon 😭 Not to mention Killua going feral next to them

- Zevil Island really was a serious blow to his pride. Gon lets himself get beat to shit so his opponent will acknowledge him as worthy. He’s desperate to be ‘seen’. I love him sm but he’s genuinely unhinged (and it only gets worse). Fuck Ging, man.

- Kurapika says as much a second later oops

- HANZO IS ONLY 18???

- Gon is so fucking funny I love him. “Um no thank you I don’t want my legs chopped off. Can we keep brainstorming?”

- So when Hanzo asks, “Why won’t you give up?” Gon says, “I’m looking for my dad. And I feel like if I give up now, I’ll never see him again.” This isn’t ‘Ging will get so far ahead I’ll never catch up.’ This is ‘If I give up now, I’ll never be able to face myself or Ging.’ He reminds me of me when I was 12 :/

Episode 29:

- Killua’s face at Leorio and Kurapika 💀

- It’s an interesting decision for Togashi to do the rest of the battles in recap. I suppose it speeds things up.

- Gon sensed what had happened Killua right before Satotz said it, similarly to how Killua sensed Gon during the Treasure/Battleship phase. 1999 really like that kind of stuff haha

- The lighting, again, is fantastic. This time for Killua v Gittarackur (Illumi).

- The organ music is certainly… something

- Illumi’s color scheme here is better than the greens imo

- I forgot how hard Illumi projects onto/abuses Killua. Its difficult to watch.

- The animation on Killua’s face is incredible. You can see every micro expression as he tries to stand his ground :(

- Very nice visual effect here. Killua’s eyes are somewhat teal and rather dark in this version, as opposed to the bright blue of 2011. When Illumi defeats him, black bleeds onto the screen and Killua’s eyes are so dark they match Illumi.

- Hikari Ga Mienai plays when Killua kills Bodero :(

- Gon confronting Illumi is just short of cathartic.

Episode 31:

- THE LEGENDARY FALL OF 99

- The Hunter Exam after party looks kind of fun tbh

- Illumi when Hisoka catches him trying to kill Gon: ⚫️ 👄 ⚫️

- When they search the internet Togashi seems to imply that ‘cyberspace’ is coming from a human brain directly? Or is at least powered by one?

- Leorio: Gon wants his dad? We’ll find his dad *starts typing furiously*

- *Hisoka does something weird* *Illumi looks straight faced into the camera*

- LEOPIKA 1999 AGENDA IS REAL

- the final scene made me think of that radio drama where Leorio was like “yes Kurapika and I are like newlyweds and Gon is our child”. Unreasonably wholesome

END OF ARC

In conclusion stan the producers for clear skin

[katkafe]

HELLO, IVE JUST FINISHED WATCHING WEDNESDAY

because i am the biggest dumbest nerd when it comes to the addams family: ive made a crappy list of why wednesday is everything i hoped for and more and why it is absolutely fucking perfect. spoilers.

im not entirely sure on how to start slow with this one so im getting right fucking into it. enjoy reading the disaster of my thoughts on this masterpiece:

AMAZING CASTING. jenna is incredible as wednesday, catherine and luiz are the perfect morticia and gomez, i adored seeing christina ricci KICKING ASS. gwendoline christie was amazing as weems, fred armisen as fester???? lost my shit he was so perfect. i don’t think there was a single cast member i wasn’t amazed with.

no genuinely i loved all of the nevermore students

fell in love w enid so fast omg i was rooting for her so hard her arc was so awesome (her and ajax are so cute too)

rip rowan you would’ve loved wenclair

THING!!!: its not the addams family without thing, and its especially not the addams family if thing isn’t being a little shit stirrer the whole time. perfect beautiful i love him A++ 

THE WEDNESDAY/PUGSLEY DYNAMIC WAS SO ON POINT they literally have the actual best sibling dynamic

i now know that you have not lived until you’ve seen wednesday addams stuck in a love triangle. she is not a character that you would expect to have a romantic interest but now in my mind she’s just beautifully a-spec and probably demiromantic. yes obviously i love xavier.

don’t get mad at me but i don’t ship her w enid that much?? at least not romantically but hey i would not complain if we had a polycule or qpr!!!

also it was genuinely so cute to see wednesday making friends like. why was i sobbing so much when she hugged enid. holy fuck.

THE DANCE SCENE. SHES AN ICON SHES A LEGEND AND SHE IS THE MOMENT

i am referring to both her actual dancing and ofc “they couldn’t even spring for real pigs blood. its only paint.” so real.

cant even stop myself from mentioning that jenna ortega looks very hot covered in blood which happens a lot in this series. like almost every episode. jesus fucking christ i am so in love with her.

i am a huge edgar allen poe nerd so i fucking adored every little reference to his works. also the idea that he was an outcast is so real to me.

speaking of outcasts: ngl definitely could’ve come up with a better name, “outcasts” just made it sound weirdly like some awkward teen high school drama but you get used to it

wednesday’s visions were so cool??? i loved the whole goody addams thing their interactions were really cool and god i just was not expecting that at all.

ok tbh it was really weird that her name was goody, since “goody” is the puritan equivalent of “mrs.” (its short for goodwife) so idk why they did that but ok i’m still here for it

honestly in general they do a really good job of keeping you guessing. i was suspicious about almost every single character throughout the whole series. 

in retrospect i should’ve known tyler was gonna be an asshole from the start cause. i mean. his name is tyler. no offense to my tylers, but be real when have you ever seen a tv show character named tyler that wasn’t a douche. i’ll wait.

i’ve typed tyler too many times and it no longer looks like a real name

episodes are nice and long but i obviously wish the series was longer, but it was super bingable and i’m probably gonna rewatch it 3 million times until the next season inevitably comes out.

not to be dorky but i loved how every episode title was a pun w the word “woe” 

i have really horrible media literacy in the sense that i overthink EVERYTHING so to me like almost everything in that was beautifully executed symbolism and maybe it was but when i say i lost my shit when i noticed wednesday stand on enid’s side of the room and fsr thats the only example i can think of rn BUT STILL

overall 5 stars 10/10 show i cant wait for more i love the plot i love the characters i love the cast i will be recommending it to everyone ik and more

[hxt1b]

Only Minutes for You

gif not mine

Jaehyun x Reader

Requested Prompts 4 "say my name",14 "one more"

Genre: College AU. Smut, Angst.

WC: 1.4k

Masterlist

Prompt List, if you want to send in any requests, they are currently open!

A/N: Please ignore the grammatical errors, I read if over, but I always miss something.

| Part Two |

"Don't say my name." You muttered to yourself as Haechan the ringmaster of his horrid game, pulled names out of a hat.

You don't know why you agreed to a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Weren't you all too old for this? You weren't in high school anymore after all.

Yet Haechan disagreed.

"Y/N" Haechan said, his eyes finding you. You narrowed your eyes at him, you had a sneaking suspicion that your name was not on the small piece of paper in his hand.

You looked across the room, Jaehyun slowly getting up. His eyes locked with yours a small smirk spreading across his lips. You turned away from him glaring at the floor.

Of course, you were paired with that douche bag. He was nice enough if you knew him from afar. But everyone has less than pretty sides, and you had the misfortune of always being on the ugly side of Jaehyun.

Not that he was rude to you or anything, there was just a level of fuck boy that he displayed that you couldn't get past.

Also, the fact that he knew of the effect he had on you.

It was also less than stellar that he knew the right things to do to get you worked up.

You cursed Haechan in your head, but then again what were you expecting, Haechan was Jaehyun's friend more than he was ever yours.

"Don't look that excited babe," Jaehyun said coming up next to you. His fingers brushed the back of your hand as he spoke.

You sneered at him and moved your hand away walking away from him towards the room the two of you were supposed to be in.

"Just seven minutes," you said to yourself as you got closer to the door that Johnny was holding open for the two of you.

You walked in first, Jaehyun following closely behind you. Once the door was closed Jaehyun was in your space. His hands moving up the back of your shirt.

"Why do you hate me so much?" He muttered as his lips moved up the side of your neck. You bit your lip not wanting to moan for him.

You hated showing how much he affected you. You always failed and ended up giving into his hands and lips but you always tried.

"Why are you so afraid of letting the world know that you love when I touch you? That only I know how you look under these clothes." Jaehyun trailed his hands to your stomach, his cold fingers sending shivers up your spine.

You'd given in to Jaehyun a long time, but you liked to take the win of never actually allowing him in. You fooled around with him, but you never actually let him in.

Not that he wanted more.

"I'm already so hard." He spoke quietly, his mouth latching onto your ear lobe. You bit your lip harder as your head fell to the side. His hips pressed into your ass so that you could feel his length against you.

You ground back into him, earning yourself a small moan.

There it was. The reason you indulged him so much. Because even though he was just saying bullshit, he acted like the bullshit he said was true.

Like you were the hottest girl he'd ever seen.

Jaehyun move his hand up your tummy towards your boobs, he groaned as he felt that you were wearing a bralette instead of a regular bra under your loose top. His tongue darting out to lick a strip on your neck.

"Fuck." He groaned into your hair. He pushed your shirt up, his fingers pinching at your nipple through the lace material.

"Stop fighting me, baby." He said, placing a soft kiss on your jaw.

That was your trigger, you broke against him. That was typically your undoing, something as small and simple as that.

You pushed Jaehyun's hands off you so that you could take off your shirt and turn around. He smiled at you as you did so. His hand hooking onto the loops of your jeans and pulling your body back into his.

Your lips hovered a breath away from his. You sighed tilting your head up slightly so that your lips could brush against his.

"Hi." He breathed against you before you pressed your lips to his fully. You let your tongue push into his mouth taking control of the kiss while you could.

Your chance didn't last long, as Jaehyun worked the button of your jeans open. His body pushing against yours forcing you to move back until your back hit the wall.

You moved your hands into his hair, letting your fingers get lost in the long, soft strands as his tongue pushed your tongue back so that he could explore your mouth.

You moaned as his tongue swept over yours, his taste intoxicating you.

Jaehyun leaned back nipping at your bottom lip as he did.

"Take off your pants baby girl." He breathed. You quickly complied. He also undid his pants as you stepped out of yours.

Pushing his pants and boxers down he pushed you back into the wall.

Licking his fingers to gather his saliva onto them he looked into your eyes.

"I don't have as much time as I want, so we'll have to be quick." He muttered tapping your hip to get you to lift your leg so that he could grab it.

His fingers circled your clit quickly as you circled your arms around his shoulders again.

"I'm good enough just put it in." You mumbled your body turned on from his touches earlier.

This was what you meant when you said he knew how to work you up quickly. He knew where to touch and how to touch you to get you there.

Jaehyun palmed his cock, a smirk spreading across his lips as he lined himself up.

"Always so ready for me huh?" He asked, his tone teasing.

You weren't able to reply, not that he wanted you to. As he pushed into you quickly. His length stretched you almost painfully as he slammed into you.

His grip on your skin tightened as he began to thrust in and out of you.

Your mouth hung open and you leaned your head onto the wall. Your eyes shut tight, as you let yourself fall into the feeling of Jaehyun using you. You boy heating with each of his thrusts. The ball in your stomach getting closer and closer to exploding.

This is how it always felt with Jaehyun, quick, heated, and amazing. It scared you.

His lips trailed open-mouthed kissed into the side of your neck. You moaned his name as you got closer and closer to being consumed by the white fire that was spreading across your body.

His mouth found yours again, his kiss gentler than before. Much gentler, and you came. Your walls clenching around his cock. Your hands fisted his shirt as your back arched off the wall.

You didn't know if he came, you came back to as he pulled out of you. His hands pulled you into his chest as he brushed your hair away from your face.

Soft kisses were pressed into the top of your head. You let yourself stay with him, you allowed this afterword for only a few seconds maybe minutes at most. But never long enough.

"That was longer than seven minutes." You said looking over at the alarm clock in the room.

Jaehyun didn't reply just looked in the direction you were looking in.

You pushed out of his arms and grabbed your discarded clothing, quickly putting them back on as Jaehyun zipped himself back up.

You had to leave quickly, there was no room for lingering. You couldn't stay long. If you did you'd have to admit you were in love with Jaehyun. That was something you were not willing to admit to yourself.

"Hey wait," He said grabbing your wrist as you moved towards the door. "Come to my house, I can give you at least one more of those."

His eyes held an emotion you couldn't place, but his words were the exact reason you had to leave quickly. You were just sex to Jaehyun, and you needed him to be just that for you.

"Not today." You replied and pulled your arm from him. You didn't glance back at him as you left the room.

-neocain

[istorkyou]

A Situationship (Modern!Ivar AU)

A Modern!Ivar x OFC

Warning -  STRICTLY 18+. Language. Alcohol use. Angst

Synopsis - No strings attached. What could go wrong?

Word Count - 4325

Big thanks to @punkrocknpearls​​​ for cheerleading, laying her beta magic all over this and the AMAZING moodboard. Look at it. Look at it now. None of my bullshit would see the light of day if it wasn’t for her, so she’s to blame!

Tag List - Let me know if you want on or off :)

@smears-and-spots @punkrocknpearls​​ @youbloodymadgenius​​ @momowhoo​​ @zuxiezendler​​ @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog​ @ivar-s-my-brat-tamer​ @pieces-by-me​ @heavenly1927​​ @berryonasummerevening @synnersaint​​ @out-of-the-box-and-into-alchemy​ @petite-hime​​ @serasvictoria​​ @mimiiinspace​​ @itsmysticalmystery​​ @lonewolf471​​ @mylifeisactuallyamess​​ @draculasbride-blog​​ @love-all-things-writing​​ @southernbe​​ @redhead7799​​ @kaybee87​​ @ivarlover​​ @ivarhoegh​​ @idgafiamallthefandoms​​ @darkphoenix5037​​ @profoundtyrantharmony​​ @snarling-through-our-smiles​​ @crazyunsexycool​​ @xceafh​​ @bragisrunes​​@noway4u @batmandallyboy​​ @complicatedbutrare @readsalot73​​​​ @meandmycherrytree

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4

-------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 5

It’s Friday again and she is getting ready for her second date with Matt, a man she met through one of her friends who set them up on a blind date. The first date was okay, nothing spectacular, but he was easy to talk to so when he asked her out again at the end of the night she said yes. 

She’s hoping that this date will bring more fun than the first, and although he seems like a good guy, he didn’t make her laugh once, and in hindsight spoke about his job in IT a little too in depth for her interests. 

She asks herself if she likes him or if she’s going on another date to pass the time. He’s an attractive man and she hopes he relaxes a bit on this date, at least enough for her to feel comfortable asking him back to hers to sleep together. God knows she needs to get laid.

She meets him in a restaurant downtown and he is waiting outside for her which is a nice touch. 

When they are seated the server comes and takes their drinks order, she asks for white wine and he says he will have the same. She notices how he barely acknowledges the server and there is a distinct lack of manners as their meal is served. Not a single please or thank you.

She hates that kind of casual rudeness. She can tell a lot about a person by how they treat wait staff, and he doesn’t pass her litmus test in that area. 

“So, Sonja tells me you run your own business, tell me about it.”

“I told you about it last week, on our first date,” she says dryly. 

“Oh shit, you did. I’m sorry. It’s been a long week.” He takes a bite of his meal and automatically starts looking around. He can’t get the attention of their server so he clicks his fingers until he reappears. 

“Is everything okay, Sir?“

Matt doesn’t even look at him. “This food is cold. Take it back to the kitchen.”

She cringes at his attitude. The server takes his plate, apologising profusely.

She can’t help herself. “There’s a nicer way to say that, you know?” she says bluntly. “That was rude.” 

He shrugs. “It’s cold, I shouldn’t send it back?”

“No you absolutely should, but you could be polite about it. It’s not the server’s fault.”

He doesn’t look impressed at her challenge at all but as his eyes wander from her face to her chest in her low cut top his face softens and he agrees with her. 

She knows why: he wants to sleep with her and it seems he’s willing to be fake about his values to do so. She would have preferred it if he would have owned his rudeness; she still would have thought he was a douche, but at least he would have stood his ground. Still, she finds him sexy and he might be fun for one night and scratch an itch that’s been growing since she stopped replying to Ivar.

She sees her phone screen light up. “Sorry, I’m just going to check my phone in case it’s about my children. I know that’s rude, but it is what it is.” She puts a hand on her phone, expectantly.

“No, it’s fine. Do what you need to do.”

When she turns the screen to face her she sees Ivar’s name. She hasn’t heard from him for weeks; not that she thought she would after their last conversation. She contemplates reading it, but decides against it and stows her phone in her bag, making sure it’s not on silent in case the kids need her.

“Anything important?”

“No. All good,” she replies with a smile, picking up her fork again.

-------------------------------------------------------

Ivar watches her put her phone away and checks his own to see if she’s read the message. She hasn’t.

His stomach dropped when he saw her enter the restaurant with that guy. He’s her age and dressed in a formal suit. He sees the guy dismiss their server without as much as a glance and even though Ivar can’t see her face, he knows that she would have been wholly unimpressed by that. 

Now she is ignoring him. He knows she didn’t see him sitting in the corner of the restaurant with his friends. He hasn’t seen her for weeks and they’ve been the hardest weeks of his life. Seeing her on a date with this man is like a dagger in his heart. 

He hasn’t taken his eyes off them since they entered. Images of her fucking her date like she used to fuck him are playing in his brain, torturing him. 

“Ivar, do you want dessert?” The question pulls up the memory of her in front of him on all fours in her kitchen and he knows he is going to go and talk to her tonight, date be damned. 

He knew he shouldn't have ignored her. He hasn't called or texted her in a few weeks, after she didn’t acknowledge his last message. It had completely crushed him. Now he is having to sit and watch her out with a man she obviously deems acceptable to be seen with in public. I should have fought for her.

“IVAR!” one of his friends shouts.

“What?!”

“Do you want dessert. The server is waiting.”

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” he says, addressing the woman standing at their table waiting for his answer. “I was in another world. No dessert for me, thank you.” What I want to eat isn’t on this menu, he adds silently. 

Her date gets up from the table and Ivar’s decision has already been made. A shift onto his crutch and he is up and on his way to her. 

He stops next to her. “That text you didn’t bother reading was from me.”

The look on her face is totally new to him. She looks floored at seeing him, her face turns blood red and she sits up straighter, looking in the direction her date went. 

“What the fuck is going on here?” He doesn’t mean it to come out like it does but it just does. 

He watches her gather herself together again quickly, her face changing from surprised to irritated. “What does it look like?” she snaps. “I’m on a date. Can you not make a scene, please?”

“How long have you been dating him?”

This makes her face harden and she looks up at him sharply. “That is absolutely none of your business. Rules, remember?”

“Rules? We aren’t seeing each other anymore so the rules don’t count.”

Her expression turns to anger. “Actually, you’re right. I don’t owe you any explanation at all. Please go away before he gets back.”

Ivar ignores her request completely. 

“So apparently this guy is good enough to be seen out in public with, but I’m not?” He stares at her, eyebrows raised, waiting for a reply, but all he gets is a hard stare and her telltale squirm of discomfort.

“He’s not right for you, he’s fucking rude and dismissive, and has spent half the time staring at your tits rather than listening to what comes out your mouth.”

“You were fucking rude the last time we saw each other!” she hisses quietly. 

“I’ve said I’m sorry about that and I meant it. It’s age. That’s the only thing this prick had over me. Age.“

“He’s also not embarrassed to be seen out with me in public like you are.” Her face contorts into anger and that is new to him as well.

He softens immediately. “Fuck is that it? Do you not remember our first morning together? I wanted to go out and you said no. You set that boundary.”

“Ivar, just go. It’s irreparable now.”

“It’s not irreparable. I miss you. I wish we were on a date together. Ditch him, come home with me.”

She looks around the restaurant and the group he is with is clear to spot as they are all staring at him. “Your friends are watching, please don’t be embarrassed. Go before he gets back. I don’t want to deal with this.”

“Are you fucking him?”

“Just go away.”

He sits heavily in her date's chair and grabs her hand, pulling it to his nose to her wrist and inhales deeply. 

“Oh God, you like him.” 

She wrenches her arm out of his grasp. “What the fuck are you taking about?”

She watches his eyes fall to his lap and when he replies his voice is small and shaky. 

“I know that smell. I know that you’ve used the same shower gel and perfume combination you used when I would come over to fuck you.”

“What the hell are you–”

“Your skin smells exactly how it did when I used to see you. You left that shower wash at mine. You want to fuck him tonight. Oh Jesus, are we really done?”

She just shakes her head at him and for a second he thinks he sees her lower lip quiver.

 He stands up as quickly as he can, shifting his weight and suddenly feels completely exposed, cracked open for the whole place to see. He sees her date coming back and looks into her eyes. 

“Please, just go,” she pleads quietly.

He walks back to his table in a daze. 

“Ivar?” Hvitserk has been watching the whole thing, they all have. Ivar’s eyes finally focus on his brother who climbs quickly out of the booth and slides his arm around his brother. “Come on, Brother. Let’s get you out of here and grab a drink.”

-------------------------------------------------------

She watches him leave the restaurant, she should feel relieved but she is too busy fighting to keep the tears at bay. 

Matt continues to bore her so she tunes him out, offering the occasional smile. The smell of her own skin is making her uncomfortable since Ivar pointed it out, he’s right about it, although she wasn't aware that she did that. 

Ivar’s face is all she can see now, all she can hear is his voice. She wants him to be sat opposite her. Fuck, that just cant happen. Stop it.

“Are you listening to me?” Matt asks her.

She breathes deeply, drinks the last of her wine and pulls out her wallet. “I’m not, Matt. I bet I didn't miss anything terribly exciting though. I’m going to leave now. Thanks for the date but we aren't a match.” She puts money on the table and leaves the restaurant.

Tears fall before she even gets in the cab.

-------------------------------------------------------

She is about to head up to the shower when her doorbell rings. It’s 11.30pm on the Saturday after she saw Ivar on her date.

Ivar really threw her for a loop suddenly being in front of her like that the weekend prior. He hasn’t left her head for a second since then, the hurt look on his beautiful face haunts her. The urge to call him is strong but she resists for both their sakes.

When she answers the door there are two men standing on her front porch, and it takes her a few seconds to place them. Then it hits her: one is the guy that hit on her at the bar the night she first met Ivar, and the other is the one that barged in on them at Ivar’s house.

Shit, it’s his brothers.

“Hi,” bar guy starts, “this might sound crazy but our brother is in a bit of a state and he made us bring him here. Hang on, you look familiar, do we know each other?” 

“We met at a bar once,” she replies, giving him next to nothing. She’s not sure she wants to do this. Not again. Not here.

“Oh shit! You are the woman with the ass!” He claps his hands together and laughs. 

“Technically I think all women have asses,” she retorts wryly. 

“Ubbe, shut the fuck up about her ass,” Ivar growls from the shadows. 

She’s taken aback by his voice. Stepping past his brothers, she finally sees him, slumped on the bench next to her door.

“Hi there,” he salutes drunkenly.

She can’t help it, her eyes roll at the sight of him, at his intrusion into her evening, but her stomach does a three sixty somersault. “Ivar what are you doing here?”

He ignores her question and addresses his brothers. “See I told you she would be pleased to see me,” he chuckles before his eyes focus back on her. “I miss you.”

“Oh for fucks sake, Ivar.” She looks at his brothers, the one from the bar is staring, completely dumbfounded. Hvitserk looks apologetic.

“Can I come in? I just want to talk.” Ivar pleads.

“Guys, can you take him home please? This is just…” she doesn’t even finish her sentence, she just throws her hands in the air. Butterflies bat frantically at the walls of her stomach but she tries desperately to ignore them.

“Come on, Brother. We shouldn’t have let you talk us into bringing you here. I’m Hvitserk by the way,” –he holds out his hand and she smiles and shakes it– “we weren’t properly introduced. I’m sorry about that night, I hope I didn’t fuck it up for him. Come on, Brother.” 

 He tries to help Ivar to his feet but Ivar shakes him off. He seems to have sobered up since she requested he leave. 

Ubbe addresses his brother. “Ivar, let’s go. Don’t embarrass yourself,” he lowers his voice and leans in to speak quietly in Ivar’s ear. “What is this, a crush? What’s going on here?.” 

Ivar doesn’t answer him; he pushes past his brother to get to her. She feels guilty when she sees the look on his face, hurt and embarrassed. 

“Please, let me come in.” His hands finds her jaw and he runs his thumb over her bottom lip. “I know I fucked it up, but I can’t stop thinking about you. Every fucking second of every goddamn day I think about you, and it’s driving me insane!”

Her heart is racing inside her chest, she hasn’t let herself think about the feel of his skin on hers in the weeks since they last fucked but now his hand is on her face, stroking gently, and now she can’t stop imagining his hands on the rest of her body, his touch feels so natural, she melts into his hand. 

Ubbe glances at Hvitserk who is watching Ivar with a look of hope on his face. “You knew about this?” Ubbe whispers and steps to Ivar, gently taking his arm. “Brother, let me take you home.”

Ubbe turns to her. “Sorry we’ve turned up at your door and interrupted your night.” He tries to drag Ivar away but when he clocks the way they are both just staring at each other he stops dead, watching. 

Finally she sighs and steps back from the door. “Guys, come in, my neighbours are nosy as shit assholes and I just can’t deal with the gossip. I can imagine the messages flying about as we speak.” She ushers them in as Ivar turns towards the street and flips the bird into thin air. 

She closes the door and Ivar walks into her living room and through into her kitchen grabbing four tumblers from her cupboards.

“Can I get them a drink?”

Hvitserk says what they are all thinking. “Haven’t you had enough?”

She sighs heavily before walking to Ivar and taking the glasses out of his hands. 

“Just sit down, Ivar. I’ll make the drinks.”

In the kitchen she adds ice to the glasses and grabs his favourite whiskey from the cabinet. She puts a generous amount in each glass before handing them out.

“I’ll replace the bottle,” Ivar offers before necking his drink. 

Ubbe clears his throat. “Look, I don’t know–”

“Tell him.” Ivar addresses her.

“What do you want me to say?” Her voice is shrill now.

“Tell him about us, so they don’t think I’m some weird fucking stalker who has turned up at your house in the middle of the night!” 

“Jesus Christ, Ivar.” 

“I need you. I feel like I’m going to explode if I don’t get to touch you soon. Please…I miss you so fucking much.” He’s begging now. “I know I fucked up, hurt you, but I know you feel the same way I do. I’m not the guy you saw at the club…well I am, but not with you. I fucked up, I was hurt. It was a misunderstanding.”

She explodes, everything she’s been keeping inside for weeks, everything that’s been churning under the surface, every second of suppression of her pain that she’s had no outlet for comes flying out. 

“You were the one that said you weren’t coming back! You said that! You were embarrassed to be seen with me.”

“I know! I came back the next day though! I tried to apologise but you wouldn’t hear me out. I was never embarrassed, I was hurt by the way you left after numbnuts over there barged in on us, and how you didn’t message me after like you said you would. I was jealous when I saw you out with all those people and I was cruel. I’m so sorry.”

She throws her hands up in frustration. “What do you want from me?”

“EVERYTHING! I want everything!”

“My kids know about you! Number one rule, Ivar. No fucking crossover, you turned up on Sunday night when you knew they would be here!”

“And?! Are you not allowed to be happy just because you are a mother? I know I make you happy! Do your kids know how happy I make you? Fuck everyone else, the gossips, your ex! The most important thing to you is them and if they know why can’t we be together?”

She flaps her hands around trying to answer him.

“Because…”

“Because fucking what? Because I’m younger? Fuck all that noise! You know I’m the one for you. Why deny it?”

For the first time she lets him know her apprehensions about him, even after her kids knowing about them, there’s so many more reasons she hasn't voiced to him why they can’t be together. 

“I can’t give you the things you deserve,” she finally admits in a small voice. 

“And what is it I deserve?” 

“For fucks sake! A life, children! You should be with someone your own age who can give you the things I have already!” she shouts at him.

“It’s not up to you what I want in life! I’ve never given a shit about that. I want to be at peace, I want someone who calms my noise, I want someone who doesn’t care about my disability, I want someone who makes me laugh, someone I can be myself around, someone who puts a chair in the shower on our first night together. I want someone who I'm never angry around. That’s you.”

“Please stop it, Ivar.”

“I know what you want. Someone who isn’t intimidated by your success, I’m proud of how successful you are. I’m not at all interested in you for your money, I probably make more money than you do. I’m not some guy trying to live off you, I have my own stuff going on. I thought by having you come to my house that night you might take me more seriously, realise I am a genuine option.”

She sits heavily on her sofa, head in hands.

“Did you fuck your date the other night?” 

“Ivar! That’s enough.” Ubbe’s stern voice seems far away for both of them. 

She shakes her head and watches him take in a massive breath of relief, he tips his face towards the ceiling and lets it out slowly. He struggles from his seat and sits down next to her. 

“Why didn’t you fuck him?” he asks softly.

“Because you interrupted my date and then for the rest of the evening all I could think about was you,” she admits candidly. 

“That’s my girl,” he says with a smile that could light up the whole street. He crashes his mouth onto hers, tongue swirling against hers before she pushes him away. 

“I’m not your fucking girl, Ivar,” her voice is serious and irritated but it doesn’t deter him at all. It just makes him laugh. 

“My woman then.”

She shakes her head again. “No.”

He raises his chin up arrogantly. “Yes you are.” 

“I can’t do this with you…” her voice breaks and tears fall. 

“And if you can give me a valid reason for that, that isn’t your children, I will walk out of here and leave you alone. I know you can’t do that, can you?”

She looks at his brothers who are watching the shitshow that is them with baited breath. 

“I’m waiting.” Ivar pushes. 

Hvitserk pipes up reluctantly. “If it’s worth anything, and I don’t want to get in the middle of this, but he’s the happiest he’s ever been. We all knew he was seeing someone, we didn’t know that it was complicated. Frankly we all thought he was seeing one of our exes and that’s why he’s been silent about it.”

“See! They’ve seen how I am with you, how happy I am.” 

She gets up without a word and walks into her kitchen. She didn’t expect all this tonight; she thought they were done. She threw herself into dating other people, she didn’t allow herself a second to get sad over the loss of him and now he is in her house, asking her to be more than fuck buddies. 

Her heart is screaming at her to let it happen, try it on for size, but her brain is telling her to throw him and his brothers out of her house and never see him again. 

She sees him walking to her, his face so happy. 

“I love you,” he says simply and those three words tip her over the edge.

“Ivar! Do you not understand that you don’t know me? The real me?! You know the woman who is free for the two days a week I am not who I actually am! A mother, a fucking slave to the needs of two humans I birthed.” She runs her knuckles under her eyes, clearing the tears away.

“What you’ve seen of me isn’t my real life. I live groundhog day, kids, work, kids, work, twat ex bullshit and occasional fun. You. You are my fantasy life, the life I pretend I have when my real life is out of the house with their dad. You get that?! I’m not fun, I’m not the woman you see at the weekends. I’m not the fuck buddy you are used to. I'm boring, Ivar. You will get bored of me in a minute. The version of me you get is a version no one else sees, a version of me from years ago that was replaced by a woman with responsibilities beyond anything you imagine with my kids. I’m their stability, I don’t have the luxury of their dad to flit around, person to person, I can’t bring someone into their world who is temporary.” 

“I am not fucking temporary, I’m not that. I do know you, and everything I know, I love. If you give me a chance I am not going anywhere until the day I die. I love you. Whether you let me into your life or not, I already love you. I want to be boring with you, fuck I’m boring as shit as well! Please don’t cast me aside because I was born in a different decade to you. I love you and I will forever more. Please let me love you.” 

“Ivar…”

“I am not Steven. You will always be my priority, you and the kids, if you let me meet them. Even if you push me away I will cherish the time we spent together and I will walk away with a broken heart. But I will never break yours, or your children’s. I have changed so much from just knowing you. It’s time for you to allow yourself to be happy. It’s time you pulled your own happiness from the bottom of the pile.”

It’s all too much and she breaks down, her body wracked with silent sobs.

He pulls her into him. Her arms wrap around his waist, allowing herself comfort in his embrace. 

“I don’t have to meet them if that’s what you want, although I would love to. I can be on the sidelines until you think they are ready. Please, I want to be with you. I will make you happy, you know I will. We can still just see each other at the weekends, if that’s what you want, but be together, properly, not dating or sleeping with other people. We can stop pretending and make it real. Are you in love with me?”

She lets out an almost imperceptible nods into his chest.

“What was that?” He says in a high pitched voice. “Did you nod?!” 

She looks up at him and nods again. 

“That’s a yes?!” 

He knows he’s got her when her mouth twists round as she tries to keep a smile under wraps. He kisses her again, his hand snakes into her hair. “Say it, please say it.”

“ I love you, Ivar,” she says with simple honesty. 

“Your pace, no pressure. All at your speed. I will meet them tomorrow or I will wait ten years. However you want to play it. We will be happy together, I promise you.”

Their embrace lasts for a minute, for hours, she doesn’t even know. 

When they break away from each other he looks over his shoulder into the living room.  “Brothers, I would like to introduce you to my woman. This is where I have been every weekend for the past 9 months.” 

Chapter 6 (final chapter)