#why am i apologizing so much
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dumbassnamedkhoshekh · 2 years ago
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Allow me to introduce myself!
My name is Ian, and I've been here a couple months now, so I probably should have done this sooner, but here's my intro post!
About Me
My name is Ian (what a shocker, I know)
I am 21 years old
I use any pronouns (though I am partial to non-masc ones despite my tragically AMAB nature)
I am a disaster bisexual
I am a dumbass
Some of my favorite things :)
Books
Riordanverse 🔱
The Harry Potter Series (if JKR didn't screw it up so badly with insensitive tropes and being a transphobe) 🪄
The Menagerie Series 🦄
DC Comics (especially Nightwing and Wayne Family Adventures) 🦸🏻‍♂️
Heartstopper 🏳️‍🌈
Wikipedia™ rabbit trails 💻
This one specific TLoZ fanfic called Skyward Sword: Saxophone AU 🎷
Music
Hozier 🏞️
AURORA 🌕
Chappell Roan 💃
Beabadoobee 🍂
Olivia Rodrigo 🧛🏽‍♀️
AJR 🎹
Paramore 🦋
My Chemical Romance 💀
Taylor Swift 🎸
Daisy The Great 🪞
Garfunkel and Oates 👩🏼‍🤝‍👩🏻
Twenty One Pilots 👨🏻‍✈️
Hamilton ⭐
Dear Evan Hansen (questionable handling of mental health issues but goddamn it has a ton of bops) 🪟
Games
DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS FIRST AND FOREMOST 🎲
The Legend of Zelda 🧝🏼‍♂️
Dust: An Elysian Tail (this game never got enough attention) 🗡️
Pokémon 🐀
Minecraft ⛏️
Mario Kart 🏎️
Movies
Little Women (2019) 👭
Wonder Woman ⚔️
Spider-Man: Into The Spider-Verse 🕸️
The Lego Batman Movie 🦇
The Fault In Our Stars 💔
tick, tick...boom! 🎹
Ponyo 🐟
Avengers: Infinity War 🌌
Captain Marvel 🌟
Megamind 🧠
Onward 🚐
Tangled 💇🏼‍♀️
Spaceballs 🚀
Honorable mentions:
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie 🐢
The Emperor's New Groove 🦙
The Mitchells vs. the Machines 🤖
Black Panther 🐈‍⬛
Rogue One: A Star Wars Story 🌑
Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol. 3 🦝
Moana 🌊
(Order not exactly concrete)
Shows
The Owl House 🦉
The Last Of Us 🍄
Gravity Falls 🌲
Gen V 💉
X-Men '97 🎇
The Legend of Vox Machina 🏰
Helluva Boss 😈
Young Justice 🥷🏼
Arcane 🧁
The Boys 🧔🏻
Good Omens 😈
My Adventures With Superman 🦸🏻‍♂️
Inside Job 🥼
Dead End: Paranormal Park 🎢
Amphibia 🐸
Heartstopper 🌈
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 🐢
Parks and Recreation 🏞️
Steven Universe (Future is overhated) ⭐
Avatar: The Last Airbender 💨
Stranger Things 🚵🏻
X-Men: Evolution ❎
I have several more, these are just what my top ones are
Others
Podcasts: The Magnus Archives 👁️📼🕸️, The Adventure Zone (favorite arc: Amnesty) 🪓🌂📕, Welcome To Night Vale 👁️🌵🐈‍⬛
Animals: Cats, bats, owls, and dogs 🐈🦇🦉🐕
Colors: Purple and sea foam green
Characters: Luz Noceda, Dick Grayson (Nightwing), Ellie Williams, Piotr Rasputin (Colossus), Hunter (TOH), Kamala Khan (Ms Marvel), Wendy Corduroy, Magnus Chase, Raphael Hamato, Link AND Zelda, and Reagan Ridley
Foods: Waffles, tacos, any pasta with alfredo, cheesecake, mint chocolate chip ice cream, and nanimo bars
Activities: Drawing, singing, ukulele/piano, sharing every single piece of my personal information online (as shown above), freaking out over common interests, being silly
Epilogue
I am steadfastly unapologetic for the too much information I have put on here (which goes against my nature as a half-Canadian)
Just kidding. I am so sorry.
Anyways, I hope you had a great time meeting me! I hope I'm cool or something like that :)
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corpsentry · 6 months ago
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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starcurtain · 3 months ago
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Just caught up with Natlan's archon quest and lord help me, I have a burning need to see Alhaitham and Ororon interact.
I truly feel that they would vibe perfectly. Not in a ship way, but like, in the way of Kaveh quietly wailing: "For archons' sake, he's brought another tacky thing into the house. Traveler, please do something; they've been staring eye to eye over the coffee table for like an hour now but haven't said a single word. I don't know what to do. Send help."
#genshin impact#alhaitham#ororon#they can bond over being raised by their grandmas!!#Ororon will bring his best aphid to share#Alhaitham will get Ororon some gardening book recommendations from Tighnari#this is how I get Ororon some gay uncles to go with his granny#look do I fully understand that the lore says Natlanese people can't leave Natlan?#yes#do I care?#no#insert “People with incomplete souls can go where they want” lore apologia here#okay here's how it happens#Ororon learns that his garden is infected by a rare and dangerous fungus that will kill all his precious vegetables#if he doesn't find a cure#so even though he doesn't have the protection of the Wayob and it is very risky#he takes off (without telling his granny... oops...) to the land of dendro to search for a way to fight the fungus#but with an incomplete soul he's even more vulnerable to the abyss's effect on Natlanese people#and ends up pretty much face down in a sand dune in the desert#Alhaitham on a research trip ends up finding him and lugging him back to Sumeru City#Kaveh is screeching internally; “You can't just kidnap unconscious people Alhaitham!”#“This is a person not a stray dog!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE HIM TO THE BIMARSTAN!”#“I figured you'd handle it.”#“You figured I--you--that *I* would handle it?!”#“What am I going to do Alhaitham?? Draw blueprints on his face until he wakes up?!”#“That worked on me once.” “YOU'RE THE WORST--”#“Are you two arguing because of me? I'm sorry...”#“DON'T APOLOGIZE ON ALHAITHAM'S BEHALF RANDOM STRANGER!”#“Okay. I'm sorry for saying I'm sorry.”#“AUGH!!!”
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lepusrufus · 5 months ago
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In case you're wondering what I've been up to
Dragons
The answer is dragons
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batfam-stuff-posts-0 · 20 days ago
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I'd like to imagine Tim Drake just going around killing the people who've hurt him and his family (who are not also his family)
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beanghostprincess · 9 months ago
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Sanji and Usopp during The Sabaody Incident™ won't leave my mind.
Usopp standing in front of Sanji protectively because he is wounded and he can't fight, so Usopp will do it for him ("I'll do what you can't do").
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There is just something about Sanji's expression when he realizes he might actually lose Usopp. This is my interpretation, at least. He is literally frightened.
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Usopp helping Sanji stand up to run away. This is crucial for something I want to point out later: Sanji needs help to stand up. (Also, Brook disappears trying to protect them both and saying he will do anything to save them even if it costs him his life. I am feeling sick).
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Sanji being self-sacrificing and blaming himself for not being able to protect them/act sooner is not new. But he does manage to gain the strength to fight when Usopp is the only one left with him and the possibility of losing him is even more real now.
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The thing that I love the most about this is not Sanji sacrificing himself for Usopp, because he does that. He is like that. But Usopp not running away or moving in the slightest because he refuses to leave Sanji on his own.
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Something I'd like to point out too is that Sanji actually touches Kuma before Usopp disappears. He tries to fight and protect him and Kuma could've easily sent Sanji to Momoiro Island right away, and yet Sanji was just sent flying far from the scene and forced to see Usopp disappear in front of him.
And I am not saying that "not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew" but not being able to protect both Brook and Usopp (especially Usopp) is needed for Sanji to realize he has to become stronger and find more reasons to go back with the crew.
Not to mention that we can't deny (right after Water 7/Enies Lobby) that Usopp is one of Sanji's strongest bonds within the crew. This specific scene focusing on them both is more than enough to prove it.
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Sanji seeing Usopp disappear in front of his eyes without being able to do anything to save him.
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Remember what I said about Sanji needing help to stand up seconds ago? Well. This is him the moment Usopp disappears. What adrenaline and the power of love do to a mf.
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They are so "I can lose everything, but not you. Oh God, not you" shaped.
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arealtrashact · 6 months ago
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Ignore my previous post. My favorite character isn't Homelander anymore - it's this guy.
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I'm so serious.
I've rewatched this scene about a dozen times now simply because I get a kick out of seeing 'Homelander' moving so freely / fluidly. Don't get me wrong, I love how composed the real Homelander is (almost) all the time. Hands behind his back, sometimes on his hips if he's feeling really sassy. . .
But I tend to draw him in some very exaggerated poses ( flaunting some pretty out-there color palettes ) so getting to see an iteration of him moving so animatedly while wearing this delighted me on what can only be described as a primal level.
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skitskatdacat63 · 8 months ago
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I've decided to do myself what the cowards at Aston won't. Behold.
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thousandsonny · 1 month ago
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Waiting for the Goose @saccharineheartx
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dynamitekansai · 2 months ago
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THE USOS REUNITE WWE SMACKDOWN (OCTOBER 25, 2024)
#no useful tags just me bitching lmao#i am SO unmoved#im praying theres more to all this than them just speedrunning this reunion just so certain things can line up in time for ple shows#and so wrestling fans with less than one braincell can get the instant gratification of their favwit tag team together again 🥺#bc oh bite me lolllll#so much of this ~cinema~ is starting to feel rushed and im just hoping theres turns or angles or REASONS for it#but thats asking me to trust wrestling with carrying storylines fully and i do NOT#the things i wanted most from this story were jey getting proper acknowledgement/vindication and apology for his abuse#and explanation for why the family treats solo as they do (and then expect him to be a well adjusted adult lmao)#jey has NO reason to forgive them yet like did they buy him hallmark cards behind the scenes?#and theyve done much worse to him for much longer the new bloodline#you dont get to brag about this being the greatest slowburn long term cinema storytelling and then just....#im HOPING so bad its not just as simple as it looks i am#they keep swearing theres so many more 'innings' to this so idk prove me wrong please literally do#but that still wont make me moved by ✨og bloodline reunion✨#bc what yall mean yall are still the heels in my eyes like why do you have so many family members yall left on the side of the road#while talking about family above all and dont divide family lmao#and i get ~twin bond~ but LORD#actually that twin bond excuse is evil too#solo go bring in jeremiah since hes technically part of wwe canon too and beat their asses together actually lmao#i aint forgot jey saying something like having brothers is great but how being a twin is just different/special#like yeah sure but can you not make your other siblings sound like secondhand brothers or whatever shdhfhjf#ok im done. for now. for this post. maybe.#venting about my interests is fun for me ok#its how i process the information given to me and understand it#and also i like to bitch
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feddy-34 · 2 months ago
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inspired by this lovely tweet from @ohymnia have some brain rot
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under the cut: dubcon/noncon, omegaverse, forced mating, mpreg mention, idk man
but anyway that one brock/nick fic on ao3 where brock's never had anyone to share his heat with before and so nick offers to help out cuz he has a moment where he sees brock being alone sitting by his locker and nick can smell the preheat on him and he's like "damn my qb is kinda pretty"
but!!! brock says no
and nick is not a person used to being told no (see above image) so he's pissed. who does brock think he is? rejecting a second overall pick, multi million dollar contract, top DE in the league alpha? he's the last overall pick, nobody wanted him anyway. and nick's getting more and more ratched up and his scent is getting stronger and stronger until brock feels like he's suffocating. he wants to leave but what can he do? everyone else has cleared out of the building already (brock took a long ass time in the showers) and nick's got him perfectly cornered.
plus brock's an omega going into preheat, nick's heavy ass pheromones are really starting to take a toll on him. he can feel his scent glands throbbing, knees getting weaker as the urge to submit takes over. and really, would it be so bad? finally having someone to ease the pain that roars through him setting every limb on fire? "i know you haven't had anyone to help you, but i'm here now," nick says, and isn't he? he's right there, a perfectly viable alpha. some part of brock's brain tells him to resist, to not give in, but that instinct is getting quieter and quieter as brock feels himself pulled towards nick.
and before he knows it, he's on his knees.
nick takes him home, cares for him through his heat, does an okay job, but he never leaves brock alone. every single moment he's there, presence and scent filling up every room of brock's house until he feels like he'll never be able to escape nick. he finally gets him out when his heat is clearly over, only convincing nick by promising that he'll come over after practice.
it's the first moment brock's had to himself in days. his mind feels numb, automatically dumping sheets and blankets into the washer, making himself a quick snack, mechanically scrubbing himself down. until he steps out of the shower and sees the marks. brock is absolutely covered in scratches, bruises, bites, and the more he looks the more he feels them start to sting and pulse. did nick really do this? brock doesn't remember feeling much pain, but he also doesn't really remember much at all. staring at the perfectly defined handprint-shaped bruises covering his hips and waist, his stomach starts to sink.
but nick is nice enough at practice and he sits next to brock on the plane a few times and he takes him out to dinner once or twice and doesn't hit him as hard during scramble drills. brock feels like he's moving in a slight haze until his next heat rolls around. and nick finds him in the locker room again.
this time there's no resistance, brock sliding silently to his knees as the instinct tugging at the back of his mind is silenced. he's quiet as nick drives him home, head leaning against the window. he presses his mouth shut as nick grabs his arm to drag him out of the car. he bites his lip as nick messes up his carefully crafted nest. this time his mind is clear. he can feel every bruising hold, every sharp scratch, every aching bite. but nick's helping him, isn't he? brock's heard that it's supposed to hurt, even when you're with an alpha.
and there is some relief, when nick pushes in, when he rocks his hips back and forth in a smooth continuous notion, when he lightly trails his fingertips all over brock's body. and when his knot finally pops, it's the most relief brock has felt all day.
but then. the bite.
sheer piercing agony radiating out from brock's neck to every part of his body. he feels like he's going to faint, ears ringing and vision blacked out.
and it's okay, it's fine. nick helps him clean out the bloody mess left on the front of his throat, nicely placed for the whole world to see. brock purdy, officially claimed omega. of course he hasn't bitten nick back yet but they'll do that nick's next rut. right? and brock didn't actually ask to be mated but nick's just helping him and looking out for him, the way a good alpha would. nick says it's a dangerous league, that they're aren't many alphas like himself who would be willing to help such a low status omega. brock should consider himself lucky.
and so he lives his little mated life, alphas steering clear of him, even ones he used to call friends. nick scares them away with his dark glare and bared teeth. but that's alright because he just needs nick. all he needed was a good alpha, and now look how well things are going. soon enough nick's going to put a baby in him and then he won't have to worry about football at all. brock won't have to worry about players hitting him on the field, even though he lives for the adrenaline rush. he won't have to deal with leading anyone, even though that's all he's ever wanted in life. he won't have to deal with alphas cornering him when he's vulnerable, although only nick ever does.
but he's an alpha, he can take what he wants. and brock is his. his to use, his to rule, his to discard when he gets bored. and so if brock jumps when he feels those hands close around his waist, so what? so what if the locker room hasn't emptied yet and brock can feel the weight of their stares on his shoulders? so what if he has to wear more and more layers to cover up the marks that nick always leaves? so what if the cleaning staff have tried to slip him notes, asking about his screams?
he won't have to worry about any of that soon, now that his life's been taken away.
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thatonefandomjumper · 10 months ago
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You ever just read a fanfic that rots your brain so much that you had no choice but to make a comic out of it? Yeah.
Anyway, here's the first 1000 words of A Mirror in the Dark by Fastern on Ao3 illustrated.
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(Click for better quality)
I know I could have picked some sort of big scene to illustrate, but idk man, I felt like going from the beginning even if it doesn't seem like much is happening. Trust me when I say this is the best Traitor Kaminari fic I have ever read. My initial plan was to do the whole first chapter but then I realized I didn´t have infinite time so have these 8 pages instead!
Anyway, go read the fic right now. You will not be disappointed.
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xxplastic-cubexx · 2 months ago
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what is your favorite thing about charles and your favorite thing about erik? separately, as in what you like most about their characters :]
a devious question this one is, my friend!!! it's hard enough for me to explain my thoughts cohesively, but having to pick ONE thing i particularly love is difficult. with characters like charles and erik, theres been so much done with their characters over the decades and so they have so many components to them that make them so interesting and fun to observe. BUT I TRY FOR YOU TODAY. under the cut i kinda ramble and the size of this text box makin me anxious
i think if i were to be simple and broad, what i enjoy most about charles is his determination to help others, even if he isn't really thanked and/or if people don't even like him. ofc, this isn't to say he hasn't done wrong- to be honest, the fact he does wrong/questionable things at times is another aspect of him i really enjoy, maybe because- broadly speaking- he's meant to be altruistic (intent vs outcome and all that). i don't know if that's super exciting to most people, but it is for me
as for erik, my reason for liking him is easier to explain tbh. To Be Simple And Broad, his progression from villain to antihero over the decades has been fun to observe (as much as i have so far anyhow) and analyze. i think to be a bit more specific, him using his rage and pain as justifications for his villainous actions is definitely what compels me the most: hurt people hurt and the sort, an idea i've always found interesting (something something vicious cycles and the like). yet now, he recognizes this wasn't really. A Just Thing To Do and is beginning to change that, which i enjoy
#snap chats#may you forgive me anon i always feel awkward explaining things AVELKJEAKLJ#i feel esp awkward cause i haven't read toooo much of the comics yet- like ive read. an ok amount so far krakoa wise#can you guys tell im fighting god himself to Not write a fuckin. NOVEL#im so sorry i have an over-explaining problem my mom was mean to me growing up but anyways#i definitely want to read more and more outside krakoa. the more i read the more im fascinated by these two and their history#but to continue my prattling. as if the three paragraphs above arent enough This Is Not A Thesis RELAX#i think a. 'poignant' moment i think adds to what i like about charles too is that soliloquy where he recognizes people dont like him#yet he could always be worse- like if he's bad now to others imagine if he really just said Fuck It All#it's simple but so am i whaddyagonnadoboutit. i mean that point itself could be discussed but i'm trying to keep this brief bear with me#i so bad want to know what issue that's from tho all i know is that it's from krakoa but i neeeed the whole context#i think like. an additional bullet point to charles i also like is his loneliness#and i say this cause- I Say From My Amateur-Psychology Armchair- it's a component of why he's so earnest to help#but im keeping this point in the tags until i can confidently verify that with myself after some more reading#Unfortunately a favorite pass time of mine is psychoanalyzing characters like why else you think i major in psychology smh#im going to force myself to cap the post here because i ended up typing like 20 more tags just rambling#and as i said id like to keep this simple and clean !!!!! i have sat here for like four hours answering this ngl#ignore the fact half that time was spent getting distracted by solitaire and riffling cards ok I Am Very Easily Distracted#but fr when it comes to charles and erik- charles esp imo#i feel like i need to write a whole paper just so i can mention the nuances of the characters and like. EVERYTHING#because again six decades is A Lot of time for writing decisions to be made and for their characters to change over time#im a glazer but i wanna be a nuanced glazer yk. is that glazing at that point-- w/e anyway#its a lot. so today you will have to tolerate a very Blah answer from me which i must apologize for#down the line once ive read a comfortable amount more varying from multiple eras maybe ill revisit this question more in depth#as of right now tho .... chat i wanna get legion of x so bad i skimmed it and hhhhhhhhim gonna throw UP#i need to shake charles like a ragdoll BUT ANYWAY. bye bye for now lovelies !!!!!!!#please forgive me if i didnt answer your question efficiently ..#here i am saying i wanted to keep the tag count brief and yet !!! jesus christ. shut up My God I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT
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supahstarrr · 5 months ago
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so i was just thinking about whit's behavior in chapter two; he's trying to be so secretive about david's secret to the point of disrupting the flow of trying to survive in a life or death situation. this behavior from him is likely an extension of his behavior in chapter one, where he tried to keep the reason behind charles behavior and the interactions between the two of them a secret as much as possible.
what motivated the secrecy was him being emotionally aware about trauma; how trauma is such an intimate and personal thing. so here in chapter two, could this flaw be in root of him being emotionally aware of how mentally (and life) damaging it could be on david's life if his career, which largely financially supports his life, is suddenly tarnished?
he values privacy so much to the point it becomes a flaw. the root of this flaw is his emotional maturity and awareness towards other people (i can't word this in a way that also acknowledges his awkwardness with dealing with people). and then i think about his relationship with romance, commitment, detachment and his career. the reason he is an ultimate at what he does is because of his heightened awareness towards the emotional aspects behind romance. his patience and consideration of others suggests emotional awareness.
yet despite how serious and aware he is about romance, him flirting as a joke—thus burying down how prudish he actually is (confirmed by drdt dev)—suggests he attempts at somewhat detaching himself from the concept of romance by treating romance as a joke when it's applied to him and his interactions with others. in other words, this behavior can show you're not putting your full commitment when it comes to romance. hinted by treating your romantic words lightly to detach them from romance.
that trait isn't always an immediate deep thing, but what makes it deep for him is that this is an extension of him constantly joking about serious things in general, thus expressing detachment from dealing with the weight of an impactful situation. as he is aware of the impact about romance, this means he is aware of the commitment—and responsibility, which connects with commitment—that intertwines with romance (the commitment can be vary to little or a lot).
so in a way, it appears he has some sense of aversion about commitment and responsibility that he is very aware of. he acknowledges the responsibility with revealing other people's secrets, so he avoids that, even if it means hes heightening up the risk of a deadly situation by being secretive. in fact this interests me because i can take it far and say this aversion of his could very much be linked to his mother's death and neglectful childhood.
i dont want to say too much tho so i wont go on about how. if anyone does want to hear more thoughts then ask me. anyways any other people who analyze characters way more better than i do/get his character way more than me PLEASEE talk to me what do we think .. i usually dont trust myself with deeper thoughts on characters so im just gonna say this is more like an interpretation than a serious analysis
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lloydfrontera · 1 year ago
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wait lmao what I didn't know there was such a skip. I'm sorry this is comedy to me. so you're telling me they have this crazy ass dimension-jumping shenanigans with Javier tearing up as he finally finds Lloyd, his best friend, the most important person in his life, while it's a mutual statement for the both of them, and then we get no dialogue. and skip to Lloyd getting shoved into a hetero romance with no build up. sorry I can't believe this is real. this sounds like a joke and I choose to treat is as such. this is the most hilarious ending and the marriage now feels even more out of place hdufiskaoa9o
OH MY FUCKING GOD RIGHT?!?!?!! it is weird isn't it???? i'm not being crazy for feeling like it's a weird ass choice??? i felt like i was going insane!! i swear to god i felt like i was being gaslighted when i read it!!! there was no way that was the ending!! there was no way that ch 401 ended with one of the most romantic and heartfelt scenes i have ever read and then the next chapter just????? did a time skip where none of that was acknowledged and lloyd was just fucking married off to alicia??? completely off-screen if i may add!
i made a post about it before but i simply need to rant all over again oh my god
general warning for spoilers because i'm about to dissect the entire novel through a llojavi lens
AGAIN. SPOILERS WARNING FOR THE ENDING OF TGED.
i literally cannot express how much of a mid fuck it is when you realize that lloyd and javier's relationship is very much Thee Slowburn of tged. like. this is an indisputable fact. even if you don't think there's anything romantic between them, which, holy fuck that's such a fucking reach one must be really be in denial to not see it but whatever, even then you simply cannot argue that their relationship isn't the most important one in the entire story.
javier is the very first person lloyd talks to in the first chapter. he's the first person that welcomes him into his new life. he's the one he has to work the hardest to endear himself to. he's the one he spends the most time with. he's the one that follows him around literally everywhere he goes.
from the very beginning their relationship is given a special attention that few other things get in the plot.
through the entire story we get constant moments of them getting to know each other as people and getting closer as a result. they're constantly in each other's thoughts, which is very natural as they're in each other's company almost 24/7. it is actually hard to find a chapter where they not talking to each other or at the very least together. i cannot emphasize enough how,,, enmeshed and entangled they are with one another as characters. i mean it when i say they are a set do not separate them.
it takes lloyd 222 chapters to even admit to himself that javier is his friend and that he wants to keep him safe not because he's the protagonist of the story or useful to him or anything like that but simply because he cares for him and doesn't want him to die. because, and i quote, 'he thought he'd always be with javier for the rest of his life. just like now, he thought they'd spend all their time together moving forward. and like they always did, they'd be by each other's side during hard times. happy moments. relaxed days. they'd share all these moments as they exchanged insults and corny jokes, growing old as a lazy lord of a fiefdom and his knight. lloyd always thought so. the thought just came naturally, without much effort from him, much like breathing. lloyd believed that javier would always remain by his side as that was how it had been until now.' (ch222) <- actual textual quote. btw. if you even care.
and then. it takes javier 320 chapters, a hundred chapters more, to realize that he cares about lloyd much more than a knight cares about his lord's son. because he, and once again i quote, 'is [his] true master in [his] heart. lloyd was his friend. and now, javier wanted to protect lloyd. he would sincerely protect him with everything he had.' <- this is, if i may add some context, said as javier is fighting against a goddamn angel, literally heaven's will, to protect lloyd. after figuring out lloyd is a fake. that he's been lying to javier for several years about almost everything including who he is. and yet. this is what javier feels for him.
they are the definition of a slowburn. it takes them this long to even admit they are friends. and this is with us getting to see them together almost every chapter of the way. we get to see every step of the way. we see their relationship develop with all manner of detail.
and then. when you think you cannot get even more dramatic about them. guess what the major conflict of the plot is. guess fucking what the last obstacle for the story to get a happy ending is.
let me set the scene for you:
lloyd has just finished the jewel of truth, the artifact that will get him the answer he seeks on how to stop the restoration of fate, how he can stop destiny from making the original events of the novel come true and destroy everything he has worked and kill everyone he loves. he has javier at his side, who rushed to join him underwater to make sure he was safe and sound while using it, and he can't help but fondly think how lucky he is to have javier, who is loyal and true and has never abandoned him.
a quote of lloyd's thoughts in this scene:
That’s why, you bastard. I’m going to take care of you until the very end. Once I, your wise and older friend, solve the restoration of destiny problem, you’re going to enjoy the rest of your life by my side in peace. [...] He smiled at Javier and thought to himself. You’re my only friend, Javier. I couldn’t have overcome all the obstacles in front of me without your help. So, my trustworthy and reliable comrade, stick with me until I become a lazy lord and you become my personal guard. I hope we will be able to grow old together… -ch 327
as you can see. he's once again planning on spending the rest of his life with javier. canonically. not even an interpretation this is straight up textual i cannot emphasize enough
and then. the jewel of truth gives him the answer. how to stop the restoration of fate. it's very easy. very simple solution in fact.
either lloyd or javier have to die or otherwise vanish from existence.
that's it. there can only be one protagonist in the world and because of everything lloyd has done he's now being acknowledged by fate as the protagonist of the story along with javier. which cannot stand.
so that's the only thing stopping lloyd from getting his happy ending. he just,,, has to either kill his best friend or kill himself.
let me rephrase this from a narrative perspective: the major conflict of the story is now lloyd facing either the choice of letting everything he's achieved and everyone he loves be destroyed. losing his best friend, the person he cares the most about and has been developing an extremely close relationship through the entire plot. or dying himself.
lloyd of course then spends the rest of the plot trying to find a way to avoid having to die. that's literally what the rest of the novel is about. lloyd trying by all means possible seeking a way to not having to die. because at no point, does he ever consider letting javier die in his place even an option. he doesn't want to die of course, but he never saw javier sacrificing himself as the solution to that problem.
the entire conflict of the last part of the novel is lloyd finding a way for him and javier to be able to remain together without either of them having to sacrifice their lives for the other.
he doesn't succeed.
they end up in a battle down in hell where both of them try to give for one another leading to this absolutely delightful parallel
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so fucking tasty oh my god i still go crazy when i see this set of illustrations actually
lloyd wins btw. he gets to sacrifice his life for javier. to javier's absolute heartbreak.
but lloyd doesn't die. he does end up stuck in korea tho, a place he would've rather died than go back to, so he has that going on for him. he's back in his goshiwon, absolutely heartbroken and without knowing what to do.
and then we end up with that scene. javier at his doorstep, having crossed dimensions, tearing up as he sees him and tells him how much he's missed him, looking at him with this face:
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now. let's pause here. let's take a moment. take in everything i've just explained. everything that has happened to get to this point.
be honest with me. what would you say is the most natural way the story can progress from here.
take into account all that i have recounted and that i skipped so many other things of the same nature so we wouldn't be here all day.
what do you as a reader would expect to happen next
well, i'll tell you:
cut to black we're now an unspecified amount of time later lloyd has already had all the important conversations we've been waiting to see the entire time off screen and is now preparing himself for his wedding to alicia that we will also not get to see by the way
and you know what the funniest thing is. you know what is the cherry on top.
fucking guess who's the last person we see him talk with.
guess who's the person he ends the novel sharing a smile with.
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yeah. Yeah.
i really don't know what else to say. i don't know how else to explain how insane this feels. how incredibly dissonant it comes across. i don't want to use the worse gaslighting like this but it's the closest word i can find to describe what it feels like. i feel like i'm being told something is happening when i can see with my own eyes it is not. or rather that i'm seeing something happen and i'm being told that no it is not and that i'm making it up.
i don't know what bk moon was going for. i really don't. especially when this is what he has to say about chapter 401 aka the chapter with javier coming to find lloyd in korea
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clearly he feels very strongly about this scene too. it's the one he's been wanting to show the most, he must have analyzed it from every angle possible, must have put special care to get across what he wanted to convey with it.
so why does it feel like the last true chapter of the novel is meant to,,, undercut the feeling of it?? it almost feels as if the last chapter is telling us 'yeah yeah those two are extremely devoted to each other and would and have given their lives for one another and plan on growing old at each other's sides but don't worry :) it's nothing more than them being pals :) just two guys being really good friends :) see, lloyd is even getting married to a woman that's his real happy ending he's not gay or anything :)'
and this is not me saying that two friends cannot be devoted to each other. absolutely not of course friends can love each other platonically and that be more than enough to justify their devotion to one another.
but. it feels weird when the entire novel is dedicated to building up the relationship between lloyd and javier, taking so much time to make us really feel like their relationship is growing at a realistic pace, take almost 3/4 of the novel to even make them come to terms with how much they care for one another, spend actual years following their development,,, and then make lloyd just marry someone else. someone the novel really didn't spend enough time with to justify him developing feels for her.
this is not a diss against alicia i have nothing against her i just don't... buy that lloyd developed romantic feelings for her. much less that he acted on them that easily.
this is a man who took 222 chapters and several years in-universe to even accept that javier, the person he spent all day with, with whom he spoke almost every single day, who he had risked his life for and had been saved by several times at that point, was even his friend.
and now i'm expected to believe he's in love with someone else who, by comparison, he meets a couple of times and spends a little amount of time with.
well. i don't! it's not in character, it wasn't properly built up in the text and truthfully they don't have enough chemistry to make up for it.
i don't know what happened there. i don't know why bk moon decided to add a romance when the novel didn't need it. i don't know why he chose to make it happen between two characters that didn't have a relationship as deep as the one he spent the entire novel building up and promoting as the most important one. which may i add was between his two protagonists. y'know. the ones the novel is supposed to be centered around.
i don't know. i don't know what happened. i don't know if it was censorship, last minute panic, fear of opposition or rejection or actual obliviousness to what he had written looked like, i simply do not know.
i really hope it wasn't homophobia tho that would absolutely suck lmao
but uh. yeah. i do think the ending is very funny when you put it like that askhdsjkfds
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waywardstation · 6 months ago
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Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.
I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!
I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!
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