#who's better to ask than the all seeing eldritch that is the watchers

[justtrashperson]

this is very self indulgent but more magistrex lore

[huntresswarlock]

I am so sorry

But also no I’m not

1 for all because I am an evil bastard

Then more specifically

4, 12, 18, 24, 25, 35, 40, 42, 44, 45, 56, 63, 69 for Lady, Harmony, Nomiki, Odonys, Ione and Somnia

6, 44 and 58 for Nik and Valerie

20, 40, 42, 56, 65 for Icarus as well

💞💞💞

under a read more because i cannot shut up about my characters and i won't apologize for that!

most of these will b organized by character instead of by question but since you asked for 1 for all of em i'll put them all underneath it

1. why did they choose their class(es)? their subclass(es)?

Nik: they found a weird book in a thrift shop and accidentally figured out how to poke Ink-Treader to get certain automatic responses in the form of magic powers, which they swear are totally normal and not the result of a pact (conscious or not) at all.

Nomiki: her mother was a fighter who trained her well, and when she was a bit older she swore vengeance against that which destroyed her world, which she initially thought was the gods but then turned out to be The Hungry Hungry Caterpillar (Eldritch Edition)

Harmony: was always an outdoors-y sort of girl, so druid made sense when she was transported into The School, and then the Dictionfairy of the Summer Reading Court took a special interest in her and gave her some extra stuff on top of druidic powers!

Lady: built to be a… let’s call her a “personal companion,” whose main gimmick was that she is extremely intelligent about a great many things with a perfect memory; hence Archivist. as for the Artificer class itself, that came about primarily when she was working with an inventor/engineer named Rowan Keen, who enlisted her as his assistant in his projects. she learned a great deal about mechanical engineering and building from him, as well as receiving some upgrades like sewing/welding tools in her hands to assist her with this.

Somnia: she is very old (like, 650ish years old) and very in tune with nature already, and then the goddess of sleep saved her life with a drop of her blood, giving her the Stars circle powers

Odonys: they were formerly a Watcher Oath paladin, and took up that mantle because it's what their society set out for them. they made the choice to break away from it when offered freedom by the primal embodiment of chaos, though they have mixed feelings on this because it caused them to be exiled

Ione: she didn't have a choice 😔 nearly drowning unlocked some latent sorcerer powers

Valerie: stunt fighting training baybeeeeee

Icarus: also didn't have a choice, on account of nearly burning himself to death and then taking a deal from the god of fire to work for him in exchange for not dying

Lady

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Chaos Bolt is the meme answer, Dream (to reach out to Rowan) is the sad answer

12. have they ever been in love?

she's not supposed to have been. but. ;)

18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?

a follower, for the time being! she has spent a long time taking orders and fulfilling requests, and though that part of her life is done now, she is still content to leave the leading to others.

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

🔥🔥🔥 it's wild and free

25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?

she doesn't really tell stories, but if requested, she would tell stories about things that happened to her

she likes to hear stories she hasn't heard before

35. which party member do they worry for?

Domino Domino Domino Domino Domino D

40. do they enjoy poetry?

yes! she's not really one for composing it, but it's nice to listen to

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

beautiful, intelligent, free

44. what do they need to learn?

WHEN WILL SHE LEARN!!!!! THAT HER ACTIONS!!!!!!!!!! HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

45. how do they hug people?

at 4'11", she's almost certainly going to be shorter than whoever she's hugging, so she tends to go for arms-under-the-shoulders and head-onto-chest. she gives really really good hugs, on account of all of her......... padding.

56. what animal do they most relate to?

caged bird that recently busted out :>

63. what fight has scared them the most?

before she got free will, we encountered some Crown-of-Thorns Starfish (In Space) that knocked her down to single-digit HP. though she wasn't physically able to feel fear at the time, the significant damage was deeply alarming.

69.how would they describe their party members?

Domino: "My dear friend, and a very kind and intelligent woman. I was very concerned for her when I was still under restrictions. Now I am no longer restrained in what I can think or do, but I find that I am still worried about her. She is always so melancholy when she thinks no one is looking..."

Rusty: "Something of an enigma. I only recently learned his real name: Rheneas Dolgoch. Apparently he used to be involved in various criminal activities before being framed for the disappearance of his boyfriend and then taking this portalhopping job for Dr. Horizon. I'd like to get to know him better, and have him teach me some things."

Clifton: "An honest man, with a good heart, and somewhat lacking the brains to think through his actions. Still, he tries, and he is responsible for getting Kinmati's attention with regards to my previous plight. I do wonder if adventuring across the multiverse is the best coping mechanism for the loss of his fiancée, but..."

Harmony

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

the campaign stopped at level 12, but i think she would have jumped at the chance to use Animal Shapes!

12. have they ever been in love?

yes!!!! she loves her girlfriend, Mick, very very much

18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?

she would describe herself as leading from the back, primarily encouraging others to be their best selves but not exactly telling them what to do

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

🌎 (earth), because it's grounding and stable, like her

25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?

harmy likes to hear and tell stories with happy endings!

35. which party member do they worry for?

she worried about both other party members equally, really, for different reasons. they were both working through more issues than her, so she felt the need to be the emotional glue holding them together and getting them to talk things out.

40. do they enjoy poetry?

not as much as prose, but she likes a good poem or two! especially free verse stuff

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

cheerful, outdoorsy, kind

44. what do they need to learn?

over the course of the campaign she needed to learn (and did learn) when to keep trying with diplomacy and when to fight back

45. how do they hug people?

really really tightly! probably while rocking them back and forth, too

56. what animal do they most relate to?

she turned into horses a lot so....... honse

63. what fight has scared them the most?

the fight with Mr. Ciliary when Mick seemed dead-set on sacrificing herself so that Harmony and Bill could leave scared her quite a bit

69.how would they describe their party members?

Mick: "My girlfriend!!!!!!!! She's so strong and cool and pretty, and she's a really big streamer, I love her!!!!"

Bill: "One of my best friends! He's really smart, and crazy good at fencing. And he takes really good care of Mikey."

Nomiki

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Mending would be really useful for her

12. have they ever been in love?

yes, she loves her boyfriend Ramiel, the god of storms

18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?

a leader, even if she has to strike out on her own

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

🌎 (earth) for strength and stability

25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?

she likes to hear any stories told by her dad

she tells a lot of myths and folktales and fables

35. which party member do they worry for?

Xiro, at least until their fighting training started to pick up

40. do they enjoy poetry?

yes, though she's no good at reading or reciting it, she likes to hear it being spoken aloud

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

big, strong, stubborn

44. what do they need to learn?

nomiki needed to learn how to trust people and open up again

45. how do they hug people?

BIG hugs. huge hugs from a huge woman with huge arm muscles (and later on huge wings). like being wrapped up in a warm blanket in the dead of winter, like the promise of safety from any monsters out to get you. like a loaf of bread right out of the oven.

56. what animal do they most relate to?

cows! pretty, large, gentle, stubborn

63. what fight has scared them the most?

fighting the King of the Storm played right into her storm phobia, so much so that she couldn't even face it properly and mostly dealt with its offshoots

69.how would they describe their party members?

Xiro: "Xiro is my friend, and my little sibling. They're a really good fighter and baker, and they've helped a lot of people.

Muire: "Muire's my friend too. She's crazy smart, though sometimes she can forget not everyone around her is as smart as she is. But she has a good heart."

Odonys

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

being able to cast Zone of Truth would come in handy when dealing with Q'ix, but since they only have two levels in paladin now, they've lost the ability to do so 😔

12. have they ever been in love?

tritons don't feel stupid things like love.

18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?

follower. second-in-command, sure, but still a follower. though that's been shifting, lately...

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

🌊 for its adaptability and power

25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?

they don't really tell stories, but they like to hear the tales of myths and gods and heroes

35. which party member do they worry for?

as if they'd worry about any of their party members, hilarious! the closest thing would be mild confusion about Suvi's tangled concerns for the party's free will

40. do they enjoy poetry?

they've never had the chance to hear poetry, and i don't think they would enjoy it unless it was in the style of an epic

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

solitary, unpleasant, scarred

44. what do they need to learn?

how to exist around others, how to rely on others, what their place in the world is

45. how do they hug people?

they don't.

56. what animal do they most relate to?

a dog, a feral dog to be specific. they even resource guard!

63. what fight has scared them the most?

they have trained hard not to feel any fear when fighting, even on the brink of death. still, being chased by every shark in the ocean did get to them.

69.how would they describe their party members?

Q'ix: "Annoying. Good with their fiddle, gifted with magic, but I don't trust them at all, and I don't know if it's worth keeping them around."

Sloane: "A creature that skinny has no business being anywhere close to the middle of the fight, and yet that's where he is constantly, like Breidr when he gets underfoot. Except Breidr has more bulk. Still, he seems to know what he's doing with that sword."

Suvi: "I wonder if there's even anything underneath all the layers of falsehoods and misdirection she wears. But she has been helpful, and having a cart has come in handy."

Amber: "A woman of few words and strong convictions. I appreciate her presence."

Somnia

4. if they could learn one spell that isn’t available to them at present, which spell would it be?

Catnap, so she can cast it on Nemo and Gimmy!

12. have they ever been in love?

Somnia loves her children very much, and loves life, but in terms of romantic love specifically, no. as for the person she used to be before she died and was resurrected? ... also no.

18. do they see themself as a leader or a follower?

a follower, mostly. she's old, and she's done enough leading that she's happy to let her kids take the lead.

24. which of the four elements speaks to them the most?

🌎 (earth) on account of druid stuff as well as dependability

25. what stories do they like to tell? what stories do they like to hear?

somnia likes to tell the stories of the constellations on whatever world she finds herself on! she has an innate ability to know them and know what they mean

she likes to hear whatever sorts of stories are being told, she's really not picky; it's more important that the story is important to whoever is telling it

35. which party member do they worry for?

Nemo, constantly. they are so young and they've been through so much that she can't help but worry. Gimmy is at least an adult, though he still needs a bit of fussing over.

40. do they enjoy poetry?

i don't think she actively seeks it out, but she won't say no to listening to or reading some if the opportunity presents itself

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

motherly, empathetic, old

44. what do they need to learn?

she needs to learn that not everyone can be saved, or is worth saving, i think

45. how do they hug people?

with that good deep pressure therapy and mom bod

56. what animal do they most relate to?

tortoise, probably. old and slow and wise.

63. what fight has scared them the most?

the fight with the Found Footage when she was knocked out and wasn't sure whether Nemo and Gimmy would be okay without her. though tbh this upcoming fight with the Imago is more than likely going to take the scariest fight spot, at least until we finally face the Broken Lurker.

69.how would they describe their party members?

Nemo: "Oh, my poor little Orion... they're a good child, they really are. But they were surrounded by people who didn't know or care to realize that, and they've thought themself a nobody for so long that it hurts my heart. I wish they could see how many people they've helped just by being themself."

Gimmy: "Gimmy is very dear to me. He pretends like he doesn't care, but I know that he does. I can see it when he works on his little dragon construct, and when we were speaking to Minerva about Nemo's past. He just needs a little bit of help understanding how to be polite and kind to others, that's all."

Nik

6. which party member do they relate to the most?

tbh probably svetlana. they're both big smarties who have Simic roots! they're basically identical!

44. what do they need to learn?

how to care about other people beyond just "what can this person do for me?"

58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?

they think they're the brains of this operation and the sole voice of reason, but really they're a bit of dead weight because i didn't build them very well

Valerie

6. which party member do they relate to the most?

tough to say because we've only had a couple of sessions of the campaign she's in, but right now probably Ashlyn. just two mean girls against the world!

44. what do they need to learn?

it's actually not a bad thing to be girly or to embrace femininity, it's not a weakness like she thinks she is but can be neutral or even a major strength

58. what do they think their role in the party is? what is their role in actuality?

she thinks she's the only competent member of the party and the fearless leader; she is an asset in fights for sure, especially once she gets some maneuvers, but in reality she is only one piece of the puzzle

Icarus

20. which of the five senses do they rely the most on?

hearing! icarus has always had impeccable hearing and has relied on it a lot when sneaking around

40. do they enjoy poetry?

he does not talk about the angsty teenage poems he wrote when he was younger and didn't realize he was trans. but i think if he applied himself he could be a good poet, and he likes to read and listen to it.

42. what are three words they would use to describe themself?

selfish, failure, coward

56. what animal do they most relate to?

prior to almost burning to death, he would have said a swan. post-burning... an ugly duck

65. what is holding them back?

what isn't holding him back tbh. he has a lot of issues stemming from being raised to think he was perfect and then tossed aside as soon as he stepped out of line. i think the number one thing though is the image he has of himself as a bad person who does bad things. he used to be a bad and selfish person who has hurt a lot of people; after his near-death experience he became really humble and considerate, but still thinks of himself in terms of his past actions, instead of what he is doing now to redeem himself. what is holding him back is his inability to recognize that he's changed.

[pensivetense]

A List Of (Mostly TMA) Fic Recs Sorted By Vibe

Not an exhaustive list by any means, just a few favourites that caught my fancy. I shortened many of the summaries for space.

I’m going to pin this here and update it as I go.

Also, I’m pensivetense on ao3

MELANCHOLY VIBES

for when you want to feel comfortably muted

(sad but not utterly bleak endings here)

Hope, Etc. (Dickenson, et al.) by yellow_caballero

Jonathan Sims, six months after the Unknowing, wakes to find himself without a daemon - without humanity, without a soul. It’s a cursed half-life, but existence as a shell without a heart isn’t so bad: between solving the mystery of a persistent illusion cast over his friends and some light pseudo-cannibalism, a life as a monster is better than no life at all. At least, it would be, if it wasn’t for the fucking Owl.

A freaking. Amazing. Daemon au. Ties the lore of Dust with TMA lore very satisfyingly, but is mostly about Jon navigating what it means to be human, or, in the absence of that, a person, and doesn’t require prior knowledge of His Dark Materials. Cannot recommend highly enough.

after one long season of waiting by nuinuijiaojiao

Annabelle is not used to having nice things. or, Annabelle heads to Upton House, muses a little, and gets some well-deserved rest

I love survivalist Annabelle and also the concept of the Web as kind of a horrible Patron, actually.

i love you. I want us both to eat well. by SmallishWormMasterOfTheUniverse

At the safehouse with Martin, Jon decides it's time to quit statements once and for all. The Eye disagrees. Martin just needs Jon to be okay. It's quite possible that nobody is going to get what they want.

Scottish Safehouse Era, Jon and Martin coping with their respective Entities... really, really good.

the friend by doomcountry

He always greets a new spider when he meets it. It’s instinct, born in childhood, the same way he instinctively counts magpies, or flicks salt over his left shoulder. A little harmless superstition. A bit of politesse.

A great Martin character study with eldritch spider horror included. The imagery regularly haunts me (in a good way).

autumn’s rare gift by bee_bro

Annually, the two meet, renewing the binding ritual where it had all started. The procedure simple: a waltz.

Singlehandedly made me ship Gertrude/Agnes so there’s that. It’s so bittersweet and bee_bro’s writing is, as always, incredibly poetic. (I’d recommend everything they write, actually.)

smile, you’re trending by Goodluckdetective

During an encounter with another Avatar of the Eye, Jon faces his past, Martin takes a turn at playing Kill Bill and Basira has a second look at the monster she’s determined to see. For three people associated with the Eye, they could all use some perspective.

Features an original Eye Avatar character who’s a YouTube personality; she is infuriating and inspired and genuinely frightening and I cannot say enough good things.

Humility by The_Lionheart

have you no idea that you're in deep?/i've dreamt about you nearly every night this week,/how many secrets can you keep?

An OC centric story but don’t let that put you off, it’s amazing. Very heavily focused around Jonah Magnus and the other Avatars as they change through the years. Also, I’d die for the OC.

oh, for one sweet second without the eye series by faedemon

Beholding does not like in the way humans do, but it likes its Archivist all the same.

I’m just so fond of the way this is done stylistically. I have a great weakness for dialogue only/dialogue heavy writing, not to mention all of the wonderful character beats and interplay of humanity/inhumanity for Jon and Melanie.

Rewind by WhyNotFly

It takes eight days of forced confinement for Jon to start hallucinating. [...] It’s Martin, though, that his exhausted brain conjures, because of course it’s Martin. After all this time, of course it’s Martin.

Jon willingly allows himself to be confined rather than hunting for statements, and examines his relationship with Martin.

for a firmament series by supaslim

There is beauty in destruction. There is art in becoming. In which Jon becomes the Archive, and the Archive becomes Jon.

Part two posted this morning and uhhh. Good. Also if you’re here for weird eldritch body horror (I am), this one’s for you.

ONES THAT JUST HURT

for when you want to feel sad

(somewhat bleaker endings here/everyone is NOT okay)

Feste by yellow_caballero

If asked, Martin would say that he became the shadow director of the Magnus Institute by accident. But nobody ever asked, and nobody ever cared, and it was in this way that Martin stopped lying to himself. Or: break free, Martin. All you have to lose are your chains. And your sanity.

Oh, this one totally didn’t go the way I expected it to. A study in isolation. Could go into the category above, as the ending is not bleak, but the tone of the whole is somewhat more depressing than most there.

Ghosts of Love by RavenXavier

Nothing made Martin more grounded in the world than yearning for Jonathan Sims.

Lonely!Martin that really captures a sort of visceral ache. Hurts me and yet I keep rereading.

i do desire (we may be better strangers) by godbewithyouihavedone

For ages, it only knew how to worship, taking human bodies and living off the fear of those who remembered. It never knew love until it became Jonathan Sims. Now it must fight against every instinct to save Martin Blackwood. Archivist Sasha, Not!Jon/Martin, and the worst kind of Fake Dating AU.

Oh, this one just made me sad. The poor not!them, which is something I never thought I’d say.

Apple Of Your Eye by fakeCRfan

In which the Eye is fond of Martin. Perhaps a little too fond for comfort.

Somehow manages to be both sweet and horrifying—the characterisation of the Eye is incredible. ‘The Eye loves Martin’ is a scenario that’s so utterly doomed to failure and yet the writing is packed with so much pathos that I just want them all to be happy. A fantastic use of themes of agency and choice, and the single best use of Beholding as a source of horror I’ve read.

The Last Press by copperbadge

Jon Sims is awake, and has begun preparations for the Rite of the Watcher's Crown. Peter Lukas, who woke him, would be content to rule at his side. Martin is very upset about all of this, and the Lukases aren't thrilled with it either.

I really can’t say anything without spoiling the end and it’s so good. An alternate take on the Watcher’s Crown. Not a pairing that I ever thought would work for me, but this made it work.

watch the blood evaporate by 75hearts

It starts, like so many things in Jon’s life have started, with a nagging itch of curiosity. Jonathan Sims uses his healing abilities throughout s4. Read the tags.

Dear God please read the tags. But this is some high quality pain if it’s for you.

the lighthouse series by low_fi

Peter Lukas is a lighthouse keeper. One evening, he gets a call from a cryptic overseer tasked with monitoring his work.

This is such a vivid and yet subtle story—from the setting to the emotions portrayed, it creeps up on you slowly. The ending was like the gentlest possible gut-punch. The sequel just completed, and yeah, just as wonderful. This one is very much LonelyEyes but I listed it here because it is just exquisitely painful.

SATISFYINGLY HOPEFUL VIBES

for when you want to feel cozy

Clutching Daffodils by Gemi

Martin has always liked the idea of love at first sight. It’s such a romantic idea, the whole thing of it. Seeing someone and instantly feeling that strange, twisting feeling deep inside that every single media likes to obsess over. Of knowing you are in love within the day, petals falling from your mouth and warmth filling your chest as love burrows deep, vines twisting through your lungs. He always liked the idea of it. And then Jonathan Sims starts working at the Magnus Institute.

Somehow manages to be lighter and fluffier than most hanahaki fare, despite the setting. I’ve reread this one a lot.

the least he could do by Prim_the_Amazing

Martin should in fact not pick this man, specifically because of how attracted he is to him. It would be the responsible thing to do. Except he’s already following him. And he’s hungry.

Fluffy vampire au which everyone’s probably already read, but was too good not to mention.

rather interesting by bee_bro

Jonah Magnus realizes that, for some reason, when he comes in contact with weed, Elias Bouchard's consciousness will come into his life banging pots and pans.

Oh boy. So these are all favourite fics but this one is a favourite amongst favourites. The way Jonah is characterised (i.e. incredibly sensitive to scrutiny) is my favourite depiction of him, and the slow-burn between him and Elias is far sweeter than it has any right to be. Also, it’s hilarious.

The Magnus Records series by ErinsWorks

In a world parallel to that of the Archives and the Institute, a supernatural sanctuary stands against a cruel and uncaring world: A world of bureaucracy and tyranny, of murder and carnage, of loneliness and surveillence, of plague and death. But in this world of fear and misery, 14 entities born of the hopes of the world have emerged. And one of them has made their home here, at The Magnus Sanctuary. Perhaps, the employees within may lead happier lives than their counterparts did in the Archives.

This is just so goddamn pure. The author writes a really imaginative, fleshed-out alternate world and alternate Entities with engaging, well-written short statements. All of the character voices are absolutely on point, and it’s overall absurdly hopeful without ever feeling overly saccharine. I love this series so much, you guys, you don’t even know. I want to print it out and paste it on my wall. I love it.

HARD APOCALYPSE

for when you want to feel dark and angsty (and eldritch)

Most of these are shorts/oneshots because it’s just that kind of genre, y’know?

Ashes to Ashes by marrowbones

A conversation at the end of the world.

Oliver Banks is one of those minor characters that I am overly attached to. Love him here.

Employee Benefits by equals_eleven_thirds

The Magnus Institute offered some normal employee benefits: a pension plan, holidays, travel subsidies, free lunch on the last Friday of each month. Rosie makes it work.

This manages to hit that perfect sweet spot of satisfying and hilarious. Rosie gets to torment Elias, as she well deserves.

a rose by any other name by Duck_Life

Part of Jon blooms in Jared Hopworth’s garden.

This one was sad and honestly too gentle to really belong in this category, but I love it.

Eye to Eye by Dribbledscribbles

In which Jonah Magnus attempts a post-apocalyptic pep talk.

Unreliable narrator at its finest, and the implications are suitably horrific.

commensalis by doomcountry

The tower is endlessly, impossibly tall, but Jon’s work is taller.

If you’re here for the eldritch imagery, then this has some of the best.

SOFT APOCALYPSE

for when you want to feel gently triumphant

apocalypse how series by sunshine_states

Humanity adjusts. The Entities have Regrets.

Some nice vignettes set in a kinder apocalypse.

ceylon series by Sciosa

The one in which Jonathan Sims decides that no, actually, he isn't going to let the world just end.

I include this only for the sake on completeness, as everyone has no doubt already read it.

rituals by doomcountry

Martin is the first person to knock on the Archivist's door since it arrived, fully, into its little waiting temple. The Archivist saw him coming from down the hall, but decides to feign interest when the knob turns, and Martin—still a little bit smaller, a little more translucent than before—stands uncertainly just outside the room.

This one’s a little less focused on the world at large and more on JonMartin specifically.

we raise it up by savrenim

Jonathan Sims reads a book and saves the world; although maybe the real salvation is the friends he makes along the way; (although perhaps the world itself and the darkness that exists behind it isn't quite as out to get everyone as it seems).

More ‘soft revolution’ than ‘soft apocalypse’, but has the same vibe. A time travel fix-it. Incomplete but worth it if this is a mood that appeals to you.

Scarred Ground by DictionaryWrites

“You see," Elias said softly, "people always have this idea that only living things can be scarred - and they're right, of course. But a building is a living thing, Martin. And the ground can be scarred, too." "I don't have any scars," Martin said. "Yes, you do," Elias said. "You just need the right light to see them.”

Falls somewhere between ‘Apocalypse’ and ‘Soft Apocalyse’ but I’m putting it here because I feel like it. Also technically a LonelyEyes fic. I found it hard to follow at first but it’s worth sticking with; things will eventually begin to make sense and come together.

LONELYEYES

for when you want to feel lonelyeyes

marrying anguish with one last wish by procrastinatingbookworm

In which Elias isn't Orpheus, and Peter isn't Eurydice, but Elias brings Peter home anyway.

Lives in my head rent free forever. My favourite lonelyeyes fic.

ouroboros by Wildehack

“You know,” Jonah says, a muscle in his calf quivering agreeably where it’s slung over Mordechai’s shoulder, “it’s really quite--fortunate--that I don’t care for you at all.”

Oh, this one hurts in the best possible way. The endless cycle of their relationship, the way it comes full-circle... yeah, good. Actually, no, this one might be my favourite. It’s a tie.

Breaking all the Rules by Thedupshadove

Elias proposes a somewhat...unusual wager.

Soft lonelyeyes? In my recs? It’s more likely than you think. Short, sweet, and... sweet.

Threefold by Sprinkledeath

Peter Lukas breaks three rules.

I’m just a slut for mythology allusions I guess.

Luck Be A Lady Tonight by prodigy

In 2014, Elias Bouchard takes a rare trip outside of his comfort zone. Peter Lukas wastes a bunch of money. You'd be surprised how many things can go wrong for two beings of cosmic power.

I love the sense of the history of them you get while reading this.

love is just a word (the idea seems absurd) by kaneklutz

"Something's wrong. It's stopped hurting" An avatar of the Lonely and an avatar of the Beholding walk into a bar relationship. It was bound to blow up in their faces.

Short, sweet, painful. Excellent exploration of their priorities.

Victor by penguistifical

elias tries something with his powers that he hasn't attempted before

The one where Elias tries to raise the dead. Not incredibly LonelyEyes centric but that’s still the pairing.

Simon Says by penguistifical

“Peter asked me to drop by and have a word with you, and, so, here I am.” Simon chuckles at Elias’s disbelieving stare. “Well, he asked in his own way. He’s not a complicated man, you know. He either comes from your arms looking like a stroked cat that’s been given a dish of cream or looking like he’s been in that toy boat of his out in an unexpected storm. He was far angrier than normal, so I daresay you weren’t cream today.”

I mean personally I’d just go ahead and rec all of penguistifical’s LonelyEyes fics but this is a standout for me.

AROMANTIC AND ASPEC MOODS

for when you want to feel Seen

The Aro Archives series by WhyNotFly

These are all just really really good. From Aro!Peter to two different aro-spec versions of the Scottish Safehouse to a long and beautiful aro hanahaki fic, this series is uniformly wonderful. The two Scottish Safehouse ones (Torn Edges and Murky Water) are my comfort fics.

and now all fear gives way by j_quadrifons

Before he can think it through, he murmurs, "Is that what it feels like? Being in love?" Martin's hand stills in his hair and Jon's stomach drops.

This one just. Wow yeah this is how it be. Another absolute comfort fic of mine.

Sweet As Roses by Prim_the_Amazing

Jon takes Martin by the shoulders, leans up on the tips of his toes, and kisses him.

I’m going to be honest—I didn’t know where to put this one. But it ended up here because the real standout of this fic for me is the portrayal of Sasha, and especially her portrayal as an aro character. So I’m putting it here. Mind the content warnings with this one!

HUMOUR

for when you want to feel delight

The Torment of Sebastian Skinner by Urbenmyth

After the Eye's victory, the statement givers are trapped in their horror stories, living them over and over again. Naturally, this works out better for some then for others.

Premise? Delightful. Execution? Fantastic. I read this one to cheer myself up when I’m sad.

Unlucky by VolxdoSioda

Jon’s dice betray him

Short, sweet DnD au, and the reason I cannot get DM!Elias out of my head now.

Voracious by beetl

A bird hits the window. Jon experiences The Flesh's thrall.

“Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” but make it literal.

The Stupid Endings by Urbenmyth

There are a lot of very deeply thought out and creative AUs on this site. These aren't among them. These ones are how the story could have ended, if Jonny Sims was a dumbass.

These are just uniformly hilarious, I cannot recommend them highly enough.

PODCAST CROSSOVERS

for when you want to make one of those “if I had a nickel for every time...” posts

The Sabbatical by morelikeassassin

Nicholas Waters is in need of an all-knowing eldritch entity beyond the confines of human imagining to help with his latest ritual. He'll have to settle for Jonathan Sims, who happens to have nothing better to do.

Crossover with Archive 81 (s3, specifically). Both fun and bittersweet.

The City And Its Sorrows by cuttooth

“What makes you think your friend is in Eskew?” David asks. He feels he can risk the scrutiny of the city that far. “I read that this is a place people end up when they get lost,” says the man. “This is a place people end up,” David agrees./The Archivist comes to Eskew.

Contemplative piece, and I love the way it presents David’s relationship with Eskew, the way he finds it horrible and hates it and yet belongs to it, is almost proud in the way he shows to to Jon. Great little vignette of two people oppressed by eldritch powers, intersecting.

Hiatus by bibliocratic

My name is Jonathan Sims, and I am in Eskew. (Jon gets lost in a Spiral city. It is not as easy as escaping.)

This one is far more focused on Jon than David, and is honestly more Eskew-weird than Spiral-weird. In the best way. Told in Eskew episode style, and is very good.

Sweet Music by Shella688

Eskew has a music to it, if you know how to listen. The percussion beat of thousands of footsteps, the melody in the squealing of the trains overhead. Today, the music of Eskew comes in the form of nine musicians, playing outside my office. My name is David Ward, and I am in Eskew.

Not TMA, but since a lot of Mechs fans go here—this one’s a Mechs/Eskew crossover. Short and simple, mostly David Ward centric, just a little well-written one shot I had to mention because I enjoyed it but it doesn’t have much traffic. Nice portrayal of the Mechs from an outsider’s perspective, and how genuinely strange and frightening they’d come across (especially if you’re already being haunted by and eldritch city). If you like Eskew-style storytelling, check it out!

NOT TMA

...but good enough that I physically cannot make a recs list without including them. Here!

[cranesofibycus]

So I've yet to play any wizard or paladin so I was wondering what thoughts you may have had mechanically how Eodwulf could work.

Rn I have an idea of specifically a Swordsinger for the wizard subclass. As for the oath... I think Conquest and Vengeance actually fit best. Like my first thought was Crown but I don't think that fits with the raven queen at all.

There can be paladin not related to a deity yeah but I don't think that his shtick so I think Vengeance or Conquest is more likely. Especially looking at the features. Maybe the Treachery UA but I think the first too fit better in the confine of a Raven Queen connection. I'm curious what you think tho I'm trying to figure it out for writing something

I sent the last Eodwulf mechanics/class theory based ask. But I was just reminded of Thurgy wizards in UA. So now I'm just like hmm. I wonder if he's actually an Eldritch Knight/Thurgy wizard?? Swashbuckler rogue maybe that has charisma involved

All very interesting musings! My first thought was that he was an Abjuration/Oath of the Watchers Wizard/Paladin. I can’t really see any of Trent’s students not having any levels in wizard, though it’s entirely possible that Eodwulf and Astrid have only a few levels and then specialized in different areas early on. 

Oath of the Watchers was my initial thought mostly because of the bodyguard-vibes I’ve gotten off of Eodwulf in the last episode (and even more so at the Vergessen Sanatorium, where he said two words the whole time and was basically just there as back-up for Trent). The spells that come with the Watchers oath are all meant to protect and shield from unwanted magic and monsters, which feels like a good fit for a Scourger of the Empire - especially one who might’ve been trained to protect Ikithon. I don’t quite see how the Oath of the Watchers goes with the Raven Queen, but then again most Oaths are more about mechanics and moral principles than about specific deities. 

I’m not sure Vengeance would fit with Eodwulf, but I love the idea of him being a Conquest paladin. The Conquering Presence feature of the Conquest Oath would fit him really well. 

As far as wizard subclasses go, again, my gut instinct was Abjuration for the added protection for Trent. The way Eodwulf has been shown and described just screams “bodyguard” to me, so Trent may have been eager to train Eodwulf more specifically in that direction. But now that you mentioned Theurgy... that would be the bomb. And now all I can think is: WHAT IF HE CHOSE THE GRAVE DOMAIN JUST LIKE CADUCEUS? Which would go really well with the Raven Queen and would make his interest in Caduceus (who is a Grave Domain Cleric) even more interesting. 

Okay, yes. I love that idea. Theurgy(Grave Domain) Wizard / Oath of the Watchers Paladin. If this is actually what Matt did with Eodwulf... man, how extra. 

[grey-eyed-menace]

Returning

"Kaitou?" Ikuo called, voice a little hoarse.

Silence, utter silence, that was... unusual, typically, his guardian would have come running ready to vault into his arms the moment he made it known he and Satsuki had made it back from practice, (not that Satsuki would be coming into the bouse anytime soon, to busy needling her boyfriend), unharmed and ready with a few new pieces to practice.

Yet, nothing. No grand exclamations, no tears of joy, or demands for Ikuo bust out the viola and show his family, as small as it was, what he had learned in the two hours he had been gone, (which, mostly, was just a hand over of his next recidal piece, and a new hate for trombone players, seriously, fuck Ryuzaki).

Tomoyo was home, that much was obvious from the shoes lined up at the door, but that also meant Kaitou should be as well, considering both his dress shoes and sneakers were thrown haphazardly in a corner as they always were.

And yet, no Kaitou.

Ikuo poked his head around the corner, eyes narrowed, surveying the interior of the living ropm, "Kaitou? Are you dead?"

All he's met with is Yuuki's favorite tea set, sitting idly, untouched, steam still rising from the filled cups.

[A gift, he had been told, from Kanae and Hitomi, hand-made, mismatched, and with two of the tea-plates floppy and bendable from the resin not setting right.

He had made a half-hearred comment about getting rid of those two plates once, Yuuki had threatened to emasculate him shortly after.

Akio had kept sipping his tea without do much as a second look, saying he would help hide the body.

If there was any doubt about the Kurama twins and their relation to Kanae and Hitomi, Ikuo would hold up a neon sign up to specifically highlight that moment, and ask, rather politely, or, well, as politely as he could, and ask if the person was fucking blind.]

Carefully, because this was the sort of shit that happened in the beginning of a horror movie, Ikuo made his way into the living room, eyes trained on the coffee table, where the tea set rested.

It looked perfectly innocent, set in a pretty little wooden tray Akio had made during one of his many, many, many 'idle' hobby projects. Still hot and ready to be drank, it was sorta strange.

Yuuki was very particular about her tea time, you didn't interrupt it without threat of death by decapitation.

And... this was all kinds of wrong, and freaky, and just downright strange.

And then the portal opened up on the ceiling.

It was right about that time Ikuo began wondering if his life was just some kind of fucked up joke for the Gods, because, you know, normally, when kids got orphaned they weren't immediately adopted by batshit insane ex-Watcher's who thought the appropriate reaction to comforting crying children was to offer up combat lessons for fighting against the Supernatural.

Or you know, thrusting them on the creepy as all fuck Necromancer you apparently had on speed-dial, and hoping against all hope they didn't end up just as fucked up as them in the long run.

[Ikuo loved Tomoyo, he did, truly, but he would be the first to admit his little brother had some seriously fucked up shit going on with him due to Eloisè Katherine and their bullshittery.]

Anyway, back to the matter at hand.

Their was a portal to God knows where in the ceiling of his living room, and, considering that he was the only one present, he was the one who had to deal with it.

Lovely.

And all he had on hand for a weapon was his viola, (which, fuck that, he liked the damn instrument, besides, it was fucking expensive to replace), and a few throw-pillows, and a tea set.

Decision made, he carefully avoided his adopted sisters tea set, and grabbed the largest pillow from the collection atop the couch, dropped his instrument case to the ground, and tried his best to look intimidating.

Seconds later, the hole dumped a pair of brunette haired lumps of human flesh over the back of the loveseat, and it was, also, at that moment, that fucking White Haired Anime Jesus descended down gracefully onto the coffee table, and the eldritch hole to Nyarlathotep's fucking sun room closed with a splutter.

White Haired Anime Jesus smiled at him, tilted his head, and took a calculated step backwards, dropping to the floor with a soft thump.

One of the two brunettes on the other side of the love-seat let out a quiet string of curses as they tried to disentangle themselves from their companion, who proceeded to groan in discomfort and make a quiet insult in a language Ikuo did not care to place.

"I bet you have many questions." Was the first thing out of White Haired Anime Jesus's mouth, lips quirked up in a smirk.

Ikuo did not, actually.

He just wanted this shit to be over with, so, without turning his back to the stranger, he quietly stumbled his over to the love-seat, throw-pillow brought up against his chest in a mockery of a shield, and, very carefully, peaked over the back to see both Akio and Yuuki still untangling themselves from one another.

And dressed like they were ready to see the Emperor himself, silently, he reasoned to question that later.

Right now, though?

"What the fuck did you two do." He hissed at them, eyes narrowed in annoyance as he met Akio's confused stare.

"Oh," White Haired Anime Jesus commented from where he had decided to sit down on the couch, ankles crossed, hands folded, and looking for all the world that he belonged there, "were you not informed of their transfer to the Royal Academy Of Diavolo?"

No, he was not, because a little over ten hours ago, Yuuki and Akio had been, for better or worse, been arguing over whether or not they wanted to apply to Murkowski Institute or Kiseki-Haruno Academy.

"I was not." Ikuo did not break eye contact with his adopted brother, instead he sneered as he spoke.

Akio had the decency to look sheepish, Yuuki, rather pointedly, mept herself focused on rising to her feet despite the obvious nausea she was experiencing.

"Ah, well, I guess you know now," White Haired Anime Jesus Mused, "it was quite the eventful seventeen months, if I do say so myself."

"I've been gone three hours," it was taking everything in Ikuo not to start screaming, and, oh, was it tempting to just give in and strangle one of the twins, "what the fuck did you two do!?"

"Seduced the seven princes of hell, of course." White Haired Anime Jesus supplied readily, smile more than apparent in his point.

Ikuo's face went slack at that, and proceeded to slowly turn towards the stranger sitting on the couch, "What?"

"Kurama Akio and Kurama Yuuki, descendants of the Fallen Angel Lilith, did the unthinkable," his smile somehow grew, showing far to many teeth for Ikuo's comfort, "they seduced the Avatars of the Seven Deadly sins, the Crown Prince of Hell, his loyal advisor and butler, an emissary from Heaven, two of the Ars Goetia, and, of course," he made an odd gesture, as though showcasing himself, "the ancient King and Sorcerer Solomon, oh, and they have the cutest little angel as a surrogate brother."

Ikuo proceeded to drop the pillow in his hands onto the twins, which made Yuuki splutter, turn around, and off the love-seat, to grab the case that held his viola, shouldered it, and made his way back to the entrance to the house.

"I did say it was an eventful seventeen months!" White Haired Anime Jesus, Solomon apparently, called out after him.

"Ikuo-onii-san! Where are you going!?" Yuuki squeaked, just as Ikuo heard Akio vault across the love-seat to likely strangle Whi- Solomon with his bare hands.

"Anywhere but here!" He called over his shoulder.

"I refuse to deal with this bullshit for the foreseeable future, until I've rightfully processed it, I'm going to crash at Yanagi's," he gave a half-hearted wave to no one in particular, "don't call me unless you're dying painfully."

He didn't bother to lock the door as he left.

[leidensygdom]

1, 2, 12, 13, 26!

OKAY SO I’m gonna try to focus on the campaign  I’m running myself (Gharmyra) because I’ve had so much RP over all these years and so on I wouldn’t ever stop talking otherwise. It’s gonna be a good way to talk a bit more on what has had Syg been invested into for the past half year!

1. A favorite character you have played.

I think that out of all the NPCs in the campaign I’m running, I’m enjoying Vest the most. He’s an old character of mine (Vor’kalth/Veth’shal, as he’s gone through many names in-character) who I really enjoyed back in the day but couldn’t RP since forever. While working on the campaign’s prep, one of the players mentioned he’d be multiclassing to warlock, and it was both a great way to introduce watchers early on (since Vest, as an undead, is a watcher) and getting to use him again. And I’m really glad I did that, because he’s been hella enjoyable and was probably a much better choice than a possibly edgy-brooding-patron instead.

2. Your favorite character that someone else has played.

oh god this one is just too hard to answer I hate playing favorites with other people’s characters. But p much if I’ve RPed with you I love ur character xoxo

12. Your in game inside jokes/memes/catchphrases and where they came from.

OH god so we have a few--

There’s a running joke over Yu’Yden, that cutie up above, being the BBEG. To the point we have an exclusive channel in which I keep track of the times he’s been called evil. So far, he’s been called evil 44 times

Another one of them is bacteria. It came up on accident, I think it was @eine-krone​‘s character (Hákarl) who mentioned it, and then we realized “shit, this is an industrial setting, bacterias aren’t a thing”. So canonically his... character, who’s an artificer, has invented a soap that kills bacteria. Except nobody knows what are they. Just a marketing thing.

Hákarl’s character also scores very bad in medicine, to the point he often gets crit-fails. As he put it, “he’s a machine-doctor, not a human-doctor”. Most times he checks for someone’s health, it leads to an “inconclusive analysis” on knowing if the person is either dead or alive. He’s currently writing a report on another party member’s defunction, despite how she’s alive. And well. And talking and so on

The monk eats about anything. Including magic items. Specially magic items. Anytime we come in contact with something edible-looking or just... shiny, he rolls a wisdom save to determine if he’ll eat it or not. This is getting problematic, since he once ate a puzzle piece, and he went through a room filled with poisonous pies and ate a couple of them (and he didn’t eat the rest because the party was examining those). One of the things he ate sometimes whispers him stuff. (and for the record, the character’s a human. A regular human)

The roguelock just never sleeps okay. Being a kalashtar, she should be able to have nice sleep, since she literally cannot have nightmares per se, but- She just doesn’t. This is also dice-rolled, and she rarely, rarely scores anything over 10. And if she does, seeing her feeling okay usually scares the rest of the party

Actually, she just has awful luck. Like, she defies all statics overall. A grand majority of her rolls are below 10, or even below 5. She has a +9 bonus to perception, but rest assured, she’ll never score more than 15 on it.

In the same manner, Vest (the roguelock’s patron) can use his own cantrips to do stuff, as long as it’s for comical purpose and not actually interfering with battles or the plot. He will use these for nefarious reasons. Or to steal shinies. Specially to steal shinies. 

There’s a cutie pink tiefling NPC, Isolde, who can be summoned at any point by holding chocolate. No matter what. She’s also effectively inmortal as far as we know.

One of the players has this sheet where he keeps track of all the incognitos, questions and theories about the plot. It’s two-sided, and he filled one side already. And I think the only item they have solved for now was because I officially confirmed “no, there are no aliens either”

I wanna mention Eine did a whole mind map to keep track of the plot too. It’s complicated

13. Introduce your current party.

Ok so lemme introduce my player’s characters!!

This cheerful guy here is Glar, the human monk. He was sold by his family to a thieves’ gang to settle down a debt, and was raised rough. The thieves’ gang kinda disbanded after the two guys in charge got in a big fight, and he’s been trying to figure out his life ever since. Chaotic to hell and beyond, often the comic relief of the group.

This guy here is Hákarl (Cousin Hákarl, legally), a dwarf-goliath artificer and @eine-krone​ ‘s character. Dwarf goliath means he has the proportions of a dwarf but the height of a goliath, and everything about him is pure cryptid fuel. He owns a business which invents all sort of weird gadgets: Everyday items made into weapons, soap, plushies, etc. In his backstory, he... Split his soul in half and put the other half in a warforged as his bachelor’s thesis. Except all the nice things about himself were in that side of the soul. So, the warforged (Ténn) is a sweet cinnamon roll, while Hákarl is certainly cursed. He also wants to destroy Gharda (one of the nations) and commit deicide.

And this one is Laestis Luvali, the rogue-warlock kalashtar. She’s baby, really. Born in the first caste (akin to nobles in this setting), she’s has been realizing her peers are actually pretty awful. Her and her family have now cut ties with the first caste and have moved with The Chain, the rebel ludite group that’s actively fighting against them. She’s a kalashtar because of the sword, a family relic passed down generations that their ancestor fetched from a war from a millenia ago, which... turned out to be sort of cursed. It has a watcher within, one of these crystal-undead beings. Vest, her patron, has been trying to reach the Luvali forever to maybe get himself out of there, and Laestis has been the first one to answer the call. And their friendship gives me life tbh

26. What was your favorite scene to write and show your characters.

oh gods i have so many i want to show them but HUH stuff I’ve done-

I really enjoyed when I introduced them to the first (enemy) watcher they had to deal with, Nilodus, and what happened after. 

It was just ominous as heck, and it was the point in which the players realized what kinda stuff were they facing. At the same time, I enjoyed a lot when one of the villains they had been facing (Uth’gaeel) transformed into some big crystal eldritch horror, with an animated battlemap and everything. The boss fights have been overall very fun, and I’m doing my best to homebrew them and make them interesting!! I have one planned I want to s c r e a m about. Overall I just have a lot of plans--

Anyways, thanks a lot for asking! And damn that was a long post

[queenofthefullmoon]

An exhaustive list of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin bosses I would or would not date

The Last Giant

Listen… The Last Giant has No Face. I like dating people who have faces. Also, his arms detach and he’s like, at least 10 meters taller than me, so I think that would be a hazard. I think he’s more in need of a friend than a romantic partner. I’d gladly sit down with him and discuss his feelings, but we are not meant to date.

The Pursuer

The Pursuer is great because he’s just so… Rotund. He’s shaped like a friend. Or maybe… More than a friend… He’s got a biggass sword that glows blue, which is great if you need to get up at night to get water or a snack, and a big shield he can use to protect you from the hot Drangleic sun when you’re on a date. You never have to worry about losing him because HE WILL FIND YOU. I think he’s a catch.

Dragonrider

He almost didn’t make it in the list of bosses I would date, but encountering him so often made me have a soft spot for him. Plus he’s a little bit round and I’ve gotta say. Rotundness is where it’s at. He’s fun to fight so I feel like you could have some fun jousts together and then chill… And go, like, I don’t know, ride dragons*? Fun couple activities.

*although dragonrider is his name I’m not sure we saw any dragonrider ride a dragon so this is a shot in the dark

Old Dragonslayer

The Old Dragonslayer has a very sexy armor, I’ll give him that, but he 1. Has a furry mask (a terrible fashion faux pas that I cannot forgive) 2. Is just sitting in the Cathedral of Blue while a DRAGON is outside, unslayed, which says something about the quality of his work. I had to kill the dragon myself, while the Old Dragonslayer was sitting around… Being old, I guess. Not for me.

Flexile Sentry

DISGUSTING AND WRONG.

Ruin Sentinel

The Ruin Sentinels are arguably the sexiest armor bosses in all of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin. Something about these long lads and their eldritch identities and behaviors just tickles me the right way. The shape of their helmets looks a little bit like a turtle which gives them just enough cuteness while not taking away from the fact that I’m absolutely terrified of them and that they are in fact very scary (which is good). They’re also very tall which means they can carry me around and make me feel tall too. Definitely a good thing in a partner.

Belfry Gargoyles

I wouldn’t date the Belfry Gargoyles, but I’d be friends with them. I feel like they’d be fun at a sleepover. Girl’s night! Girl’s night!

Lost Sinner

I’d date the Lost Sinner. It might be a little bit controversial because yes she is a little bit nasty, I’m aware of that, but I think she just needs a little bit of company. I don’t want to change her, I love her right like she is, but if she wants me to teach her how to shower, I might just do it! I am a little bit biased because she’s got a big sword that looks really cool? Perhaps.

Executioner’s Chariot

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

Skeleton Lords

I think the Skeleton Lords are neat but I don’t really see myself dating them. Firstly, I’m not a skeleton fucker, so that puts a little bit of distance between us (given that they are in fact skeletons). They also have an army of skeleton children, which I’m just not ready to raise. I’m trying to find a date, not to become a skeleton mom. I feel like we’d be great friends though, I’d probably invite them over so they can practice their standup routine at my house while they leave their 30 skeletons children with the babysitter and we can like drink wine or something.

Covetous Demon

I would not date the Covetous Demon, but I would keep him as a mean dog in my yard to discourage my enemies from entering my property.

Baneful Queen Mytha

I’d be all here for the sniddies if Mytha kept her head on her neck but alas she is headless. 

Smelter Demon

Mh… Yes. He’s big and large and he’s got horns. He could put me up on his shoulder and walk around and I’d be warm up there. Sounds like nothing but a good time.

Old Iron King

Ngghghhh….. I wanna say no but he is Ripped… Absolutely jacked! I’m also a hoe for horns and wings! What can I say. Call me out if I ever make fun of scalies again? (im gonna do that like in a few paragraphs anyway)

Scorpioness Najka

Given the fact that her own fiancé, made miserable by her, asks you to murder her, I don’t think Najka is a fine romantic partner. In addition to that, even though I was here for sniddies, scorpions are scary and gross me out, so no, I would not date Scorpioness Najka.

The Duke’s Dear Freja

She’ll remain dear to the Duke only and she is NOT invited in my yard.

Royal Rat Authority

Wouldn’t date the big rat that makes all of the rules, but similarly to the Covetous Demon, having him on my property to scare people away would be pretty neat.

Prowling Magus and The Congregation

Prowling Magus has a SICK aesthetic I can absolutely get behind (« look at my cool sorcerer boyfriend wearing his goat helmet ») and I’ve stated before I Am a Hoe for horns so we could have something going on.

The Congregation is however BANNED from this house so since they’re probably his buddies that would most likely be a point of tension. Ultimately it might be better for me to keep a platonic relationship with Prowling Magus, as I do not want hollows to crawl on my floor when he invites his friends over.

The Rotten

Oh no lol

Looking Glass Knight

NNNYES absolutely I would date the Looking Glass Knight. He’s not only really cool looking and a Very Dramatic Man (standing in the rain when you meet him… the scenery… the atmosphere… he knows how to make an entrance), but he’d also be a great person to bring with you for a night out.

Exhibit A: he’s really fucking tall and scary which would dissuade anyone from approaching you uninvited

Exhibit B : he carries a FULL BODY mirror around everywhere which means you can fix your hair and/or makeup at any time without needing a shitty pocket mirror or going to the bathroom

Exhibit C : if you need help he can summon a limitless amount of people through his mirror

Just a great partner all around.

Demon of Song

Ohhhhhh noooooo Lord nooooooooooooooo please! Please spare me

Velstadt, the Royal Aegis

Velstadt is very loyal (a real man for following Vendrick all the way to the Undead Crypt) and he’s also very tall, very large, very strong, and very stylish (see the scales cape he wears). I would’ve put him at the top of the date list, but he’s no dating material — he’s husband material. A little downside is that he might put his job before me but I get it. It’s career before everything. I will not limit my husband’s ambitions.

King Vendrick

Vendrick is taken by an eldritch entity and still very much in love with her despite the fact that she destroyed his kingdom and brought the entire civilization down and also caused him to become a war criminal and kill a pacific race of giants all on his own like a big boy so I’m not very interested in him.

Guardian Dragon & Ancient Dragon

I’m putting them together because they essentially boil down to the same thing : I’d offer them a home but I wouldn’t date them. The Guardian Dragon can stay outside and be feral with everyone else that I put in the yard, while the Ancient Dragon can have his own room and like is invited for tea sometimes, but that’s all.

Giant Lord

See Last Giant

Throne Defender & Watcher

I’m a little bit torn on this one because I’m experiencing bisexual panic. We’ve got cool large dude with a beard ; cool slender lady that jumps around everywhere ; they could both beat me up and they both look hot, help me. However, I have to say if I had to pick I’d got with the Throne Watcher because she is hot and looks slightly cooler. I’ve always wanted a very tall wife who could suplex me into the sun, which she could do in a heartbeat.

On the other hand, they do look like a power couple that I’d love to have for dinner and I’d hate to break them up while there are so many fish in the sea and they look so great with each other.

Nashandra

Human Nashandra looks pretty and soft, however anyone who witnessed my first blind playthrough of Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin will tell you that she did not have me fooled and I was very wary of her from the beginning. Anyone who has witnessed my first fight with her looking very skeletal will also tell you that I screamed « WHAT IS THAT » for at least 5 minutes, so that probably gives you an idea of if I’d date her or not.

Also, her weapon of choice is a scythe, which looks cool, but is very unpractical, and just for this fatal mistake, she becomes undatable.

Darklurker

Wings… Four arms = twice the hugs… Cool hood… Yes…

Elana the Squalid Queen

She’s nasty and told me I was undeserving of the mire, which is pretty mean of her. Even if she thinks it, she could at least be nice about it. I would not date her.

Sinh the Slumbering Dragon

Sinh is BANNED from this house because he’s not just feral, he’s RABID and POISONOUS and if I let him live in the yard he could poison my entire property and I do not want that.

Fume Knight

Alas! The Fume Knight looks really cool and has a pretty sexy armor, but tales say that he was infatuated with another woman (whether he met her when she was already an Ashen Idol or not remains a mystery but I’m no one to judge his taste in women). I respect people’s crushes so I will let him be in love with whoever he fancies and they may come over for dinner, as long as they behave.

Aava, Lud and Zallen, the King’s pet

They are very welcome to live in the yard. They may come inside the house, but they are not allowed on the couch.

Burnt Ivory King

No… He loved his wife very much… I’d invite them over for dinner and MAYBE try to seduce one of his knights (they have sexy armors, what can I say).

Aldia, Scholar of the First Sin

Aldia is a weird dude and I wouldn’t feel safe around him. I think he’d probably kidnap me while I’m asleep and go do some experiments on me in his cursed mansion. It’s a no from me chief. Not to mention the fact that he’s a… tree?

Afflicted Graverobber, Ancient Soldier Varg, and Cerah the Old Explorer

I wouldn’t date them, even though their armors are pretty sexy, simply because they seem like a good group of friends and I wouldn’t feel comfortable inserting myself in the group. I think I’d even be too shy to befriend them, but if they wanna come by my house and have a good time, they’re welcome to do so.

Blue Smelter Demon

See Smelter Demon, but with more vigor because this one is blue.

Sir Alonne

Yeah… he’s got the eldritch factor that I like in the Ruin Sentinels while also seeming more human and he’s also a pretty stylish man. I feel like he’s one of the strongest contestants in the game and he wouldn’t mind my long nose, as he’s got one himself. Pretty sexy armor and he is a man of honor. Definitely a yes.

[words-writ-in-starlight]

For the dark powers ask meme: either the animorphs or the leverage crew?also hope your day gets better, youll make it through this

@enbiecrowley asked: 

I started listening to MAG bc of you and it's been consuming my life for the past week, but I watched an episode of Leverage today and now I was wondering, if you're up for it, who you think the Leverage crew would belong to? I'm pretty sure Nate belongs to the Web, and Eliot maybe to Slaughter, Sophie to the Spiral or the Stranger...? 

Well it’s been a minute since this ask meme, but!  Animorphs was already answered here!

Nate is, I’d say, actually the Eye--he’s not a puppeteer, he’s a chessmaster, his game isn’t manipulation of reality but rather making reality work for him.  The reason he’s a good mastermind is because he watches everything and creates a dozen plans for every minute deviation, and then switches easily and fluidly from one to another when needed.  He’s very much the kind of man who would have the hubris and determination to wrestle an eldritch fear power into being part of his schemes not by manipulation but by out and out coercion, and that hollers “Eye” at jet plane decibels.  He was narrowly rescued (if that’s the right word) from a fast descent into the Lonely by Victor Dubenich, who has no idea that he is literally solely responsible for spiking Nate back into his old investigator’s habits and the smug grip of Beholding.  Honestly Dubenich is the architect of his own suffering in any universe.  Nate gets slammed into full avatarship when he gets shot much more fatally than in the show, gets saved by the Eye, and starts gaining real Beholding powers in prison, which is just.  Such a great time for him.

(Relatedly, Nate and Elias would fuuuuucking hate each other, someone please write me an AU where they meet up and snipe nastily at each other over drinks or something.  [theotherdog.jpeg] here.)

Sophie is the Stranger all the fucking way, and no one knows when she became a full avatar, they just know that she is.  If she doesn’t want to be known, she won’t be.  She’s every nationality and no nationality, she’s the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen and you’ll never be able to remember the color of her eyes.  When she’s upset, her features blur and harden like wax cooling into a mold, and she has to blink hard and force a smile that seems like it’ll crack her mannequin-still cheeks.  This also preserves some of the cat-and-mouse vibe in her and Nate’s relationship much longer than in Leverage canon, as the Eye and the Stranger are somewhat antithetical to each other.  Nate doesn’t Know Sophie and works to keep it that way, and Sophie doesn’t make Nate Not Know her and works to keep it that way.  It’s a balance.

Hardison is Web.  Age of the geek, baby, and the geek can get into any computer, any camera, any cell phone.  The whole world hums with a web of wireless signals and fiber optics, and Hardison is the spider at the heart of it, tugging his threads to bring the Leverage crew the juiciest flies.  He’s not a full avatar, but no one would dream of questioning the Web’s claim on him.  There’s a website that’s only there when you need it, and all it has is a phone number to a phone that doesn’t exist except when Hardison says it does, and if you call it, it’ll solve your problems.  Hardison’s cons might always be a bit rough around the edges, because--well, why would he need to be convincing?  He’s the Web’s favorite toy.  He doesn’t need to convince anyone of anything.

Eliot was almost Desolation for his ruthlessness, then almost Slaughter for his love of the fight, and then he chased another Slaughter avatar across Myanmar and got shot and put a knife through their hand before demanding to know how to escape the thing that told him to rip people apart with his bare hands.  The Hunt was on him before sunset.  Eliot Spencer had always had a good reputation as a force to be reckoned with, but now...well.  Not even avatars are safe.  He clings to his humanity until the hunt for Moreau, when the gunfight in the warehouse finally kills him straight into proper avatarship.  He tells Nate, all-seeing Nate, not to tell the others--not yet.  Moreau spots the change immediately, and calls Eliot a hound, nothing more than a dog sent to savage the prey before his master comes in for the kill, and Eliot smiles.  “I know I am,” he says softly, and watches Damian Moreau swallow without hiding the lock of his gaze.  “That’s why you’re afraid of me.”

(You can still hear a bit of the Slaughter, when Eliot sings.)

Parker had a brush with the End when she was just seven years old.  She doesn’t feel fear anymore--she learns how to watch without fearing the watcher, learns how to fall without fearing the sky, learns how to be trapped without fearing burial.  With a country-killing virus in hand, all Parker knows is the laser focus of finishing a task.  Parker can feel grief and joy and rage, but fear is simply...gone.  It makes her the best candidate in the world to mastermind a crew of avatars in the war against the Extinction.

[elizabethemerald]

Jlaire - The End of the War

@yellowmagicalgirl I have no self restraint, so I’m going to write all four ships that came with this prompt. I hope you like it! If anyone else has any fic requests send them my way!

Two armies gather to fight in a last climatic battle. The forces of Merlin and those of Morgana face each other. “You left me, and then you terrified me, but I never stopped loving you.”

Claire walked quickly through the battle field. The constant noise of fighting seemed distant to her. This was going to be the last fight of their lives. The battle that would end it all. That's what they had been told again and again. Morgana had pulled out her entire army, every changeling, Gumm-Gumm and human in her service as well as several infernal monsters. She was not planning on there being a second battle after this. One way or the other, one side would never see the coming dawn.

Merlin had brought his power to match Morgana’s. He had unleashed his most feared creation, the Trollhunter, Jim Lake Jr. Jim had cut a swath through the trolls. Claire couldn’t tell from the rubble whether or not the trolls were Gumm-Gumms. Privately she wondered if Jim had been able to tell before he cut them down. Toby was doing his best to keep their forces away from Jim, but she knew there wasn’t a lot they could do there.

She drew her magic around herself like a cloak and hurried on. The combatants ignored her, unable to discern her clearly under her magic. Also many avoided the path of destruction Jim had carved.  

Claire almost stumbled into one of Jim’s footprints. Fueled by Merlin’s magic Jim had grown to a massive size. The footprint was as large as her leg, and another one further on was even bigger. Merlin was forcing all his magic into his champion and his troll form was drinking it up.

As Claire ran through the battle she thought of the last time she had seen Jim. How he had terrified her. Merlin had ordered him to leave her, and when she tried to stop them from leaving, Jim convinced her to stay. By putting her in the hospital for weeks. It had taken months for her to be able to walk unaided again.

A roar brought her mind back to the battle. She was close to Jim. She raced forward. Over a ridge she could see the bodies of several trolls tossed skyward. More followed shortly after. Claire crested the ridge and she could see him. Merlin’s magic had made a monster of Jim Lake Jr. He was so large Claire knew she would come up to knee high on him. His tusks, horns and claws had grown long. His mane ran wild down his back. The worst was his eyes.

His normally beautiful blue eyes were completely filled with a green light. The blood lust of Merlin’s magic. It didn’t look like he could even see, he hunted the trolls mostly using his other senses. Jim took a deep breath in through his nose and turned to look at her. He could sense her even through her magic. His growl shook her whole body. Or maybe it was her body shaking in fear, remembering the last time she had seen him. The last time he had growled at her.

Floating in the air behind him was the wizard. Merlin! The man who took Jim’s life and free will away. The man who had dragged the two of them across the entire country on a lie. The man who had forced Jim to abandon those under his protection and Claire. The man who forced Jim to try and kill the girl he loved. Claire dropped her cloak of magic, glaring at the wizard.

Claire levied all her hurt, all her rage, all her grief at what he had done to Jim, channeling her magic into a powerful beam against the wizard. The air crackled and burned with the energy of the magic. Merlin easily raised an emerald shield to block the attack, almost dismissively turning aside her magic.

Jim roared and lunged at her. With his size it only took a single bound to put him within striking distance. She braced herself to fight. If Jim crippled her again, all the good trolls who fought here would perish with her. Before he could swing golden light rained down from the sky driving him backwards. Morgana had appeared on the battle field. Good troll and Gumm-Gumm alike recoiled in terror from the display of her magic.

The Trollhunter tried desperately to swat her from the sky. Her magic turned Daylight aside like it was made of tissues, though it was now almost the length of a car. He roared at her, a sound that shook the ground. Before she could react Claire felt the Eldritch Queen’s touch on her mind. She knew without seeing that her eyes glowed gold. Her hand rose of its own accord and a powerful golden spell knocked Jim stumbling backwards.

“Morgana!” Merlin’s gravely voice called out. He gestured toward her with the Staff of Avalon. Before he could unleash a spell Morgana put up her own emerald hand.

“Now Merlin, why waste our magic and our forces on a battle. We have two champions right here!” Morgana said gesturing to the two of them, both frozen while their master’s had their attention elsewhere. Merlin looked considering at them.

“Very well Morgana. Let them fight!”

Claire felt Morgana’s magic flow through her, just as she could see Merlin’s flow into Jim. She cried out desperately in her mind to Toby. ‘Pull our forces back!��� She had no way of knowing if Toby had heard her. Morgana moved her to face Jim across the small open space.

The battle met with a roar and a crash. Jim wielded Daylight like he was born with it in his hand. Claire’s magic crackled and flashed through the air. To an outside watcher it was a fight between to extremely skilled combatants, each pushing their skills to their max.

Claire knew better. The fight was a battle between two puppets. Merlin was controlling Jim’s every motion, just as Morgana was controlling Claire. The fight was evenly matched, mostly because of the two puppeteers. Neither of them knew the person they were facing as well as the puppets knew each other. Jim and Claire both knew each other’s strengths and weaknesses so well. They were only tools now. Merlin and Morgana were pouring all their magic and attention into the fight, they knew that the other would be no match for the combined strength of master and slave, should one of the champions fall.

Claire let her mind wander. Morgana would use her body however she chose. The fight would be won or lost without her input. Claire focused just on the Jim she knew. Not the monster she faced now, but the boy she had fallen in love with.

She thought about him first approaching her in the gym, when she asked him to audition. About his audition, how his speech and passion had moved her. Her annoyance and concern as he kept missing rehearsals and her anger after he trashed her house. The fear as he dragged her into the woods and her wonder as he defended her from the goblins. Her, Jim and Toby fighting to recover the Triumbric stones that would allow them to defeat Gunmar. Their repeated fights with Angor Rot. The night of the dance when they went to the bluff together.

Suddenly she was there, and so was Jim. Plain ol’ human Jim. Everything was just as she remembered it. The music playing softly, the amazing view of the city. And Jim. He looked around in confusion.

“Weren’t we just in a battle to the death?” He asked.

“Yes. But it’s pretty clear they don’t need our attention to make us kill each other.” Claire said, her voice was more tired than she remembered it being the night of the dance.

“The last time we were here, we got interrupted, so I’m doing this first.” He closed the gap between the two of them in an instant, held her face, and kissed her gently. Claire closed her eyes and kissed him back. Their kisses had been so different since his transformation. Jim had been increasingly distant as Merlin took more and more control. Now it was just the two of them again.

Jim leaned back from the kiss to look in her eyes. Claire smiled as he stared at her with his blue eyes. She stood on her toes, about to give him another kiss when the earth shook underneath them. They both raced to the edge of the bluff.

Instead of Arcadia, the home they had left so long ago, they could see the battle their bodies were engaged in. Jim hissed in pain as the Claire he watched blasted his trollform with magic. At the bluff’s edge he doubled over as burns spread across his side. Claire gasped as claw marks appeared on her face, and blood started flowing freely from slash on her leg.

“Is there anything we can do other than watch them kill us?” Jim asked. There were the signs on his face of the physical pain his body was being put through, but also the mental devastation at what his body was doing to Claire’s.

“There might be something.” She whispered.

“How can we doing anything? I can’t hurt Her!” He said.

“And I can’t hurt Merlin. But maybe you can.” Clare looked at Jim closely. He watched the battle continue to rage. Neither of the puppeteers cared for the damage that was being done to their champions. Or the collateral the puppets were causing to their respective armies. He turned his blue eyes to her and nodded. Purple glyphs appeared in the air around Claire.

“I can only buy us a couple of seconds. And we won’t get a second chance to end this.” Claire said as more glyphs appeared and spun around her. Jim nodded and donned his armor.

“I’m ready, and when we are done, let’s continue this dance” He said, a sad smile on his lips. Claire unleashed the wave of her magic, allowing it to wash over the two of them.

The bluff was gone and the battlefield was back. Claire watched the green light fade from Jim’s eyes. For just a second a smile teased the edge of his lips as his blue eyes took her in. Then he smeared a snarl on his face and swung at her. She side stepped placing herself directly between Jim and Merlin. She could feel the barest tickle of Morgana’s presence. The Pale Lady was about to realize they were free.

Jim pulled his arm back and threw Daylight with all his might. Claire sidestepped again allowing the blade to pass by and over her. Merlin was surprised to see the blade suddenly sprout from his chest. Jim hurdled Claire snatching the wizard out of the air and slamming him down and pinning him to the ground with the blade. Claire wasted no time, grabbing Daylight’s handle and pouring her magic into the blade. Purple lightning and fire raced down the blade into Merlin’s body.

Claire fell backwards releasing Daylight. Jim grabbed the handle and pulled the blade from the body. He used one hand to lop off the wizard’s head. In his other hand he held… the Staff of Avalon. He tossed it to Claire.

She channeled all her remaining energy, and all the energy of the cosmos that the Staff contained into a single keen spell. Morgana’s shields crumpled before the power. As soon as she was exposed first Jim’s glaives, then Daylight whirled through the air into her chest. As Morgana crashed to the ground Claire ran up and jammed the emerald of the Staff into one of her wounds and released the rest of the magic.

As Claire stumbled away, exhausted, Jim caught her. In his Troll form he was two or three times her size. He held her close to his body. She could barely see that the two bodies were starting to crumple in on themselves, magical energy, long pent up in their bodies growing out of control. ‘Flee Toby. They are done.’ She thought. Claire could barely feel him acknowledge the thought.

The magic was growing impossibly bright, the green and gold light combining to form a raw white light. Claire sighed and raised a hand weakly to Jim’s face as he held her. He glanced at her then moved to shelter her with his body. But she knew the damage was done. The wounds Jim had inflicted on her. The damage Morgana had done by forcing so much magical energy into a mortal body. The cost of channeling the magic of the cosmos through her body. As the light grew brighter her world grew dark.

Claire stood again at the bluff, waiting. It was only a moment later when Jim joined her. Again they were in the forms before they were touched by magic. Two teenagers. Jim put on their song. They danced. And they danced. Slowly the city below them faded to nothing and still they danced. In time the bluff disappeared until it was just the two of them. Dancing. Together. Forever.

Also this might be a little confusing. I have this theory that because troll bodies are fueled by magic, forcing trolls to consume more and more magic forces their body to change and shift. The Krubera are so large because their home is near a powerful source of magic. Gato is so large from consuming the magic energy of the items in his stomach. In this story, Merlin is forcing more and more magic into Jim’s body, so he is roughly the size of a bus. 

[ari-nemera]

Hey, so I just finished Stranger Thing Season 3, and well, I feel I need to debunk the entire ‘capitalist propaganda’ bullshit I’ve been seeing warnings for since the season first aired, and why I would argue that it isn’t anti-communist in a modern sense as well.

Without spoiling anything for would-be watchers, I will say that (while this should be obvious) Stranger Things takes place during the 1980′s, which was during the nuclear scare caused by the stupid rivalry between the US and the Soviet Union. Season 3 relies on anti-Russian sentiment during the time period to recreate a relatively classical ‘evil commies’ plot (ST is, at its heart, an homage to 80′s horror), but with a eldritch Stranger Things(TM) twist.

I am explaining this because if you know anything about a combo of historical accuracy and the Soviet Union, it isn’t anti-communist propaganda. The Soviet Union was a farce and a thinly veiled dictatorship based around oppression of the working class, and even today, modern communists make a point of stressing their lack of ideological similarities to the SU when questioned by the uneducated. The ‘commies’ in this season have nothing in common with neo-communist thinking, and anyone who knows anything about history would understand this immediately.

Now, in order to debunk the pro capitalism bullshit I’ve been seeing, I will need to spoil minor things about characters/ the plot, so if you haven’t watched the third season, but want to have your concerns based on terrible rumors appeased, be prepared to have some small spoilers. (nothing plot-breaking)

OK- TO START:

There are exactly three instances in which capitalism is mentioned/ alluded to in this season, and I will list them and describe them in order.

First: Hawkins gets a new mall. This mall, like many at the time (thanks ST for the historical accuracy), causes the death of Hawkins downtown small businesses. This is framed as a bad thing. Everyone who owns a business downtown who has lost their store does a picket protest outside of the Mayor’s office. (he funded the Mall)

The Mayor, a minor villain in the season, calls in Hopper to try and convince him to chase away the protestors. Hopper isn’t happy with this idea and argues that it’s their right to protest. (notice that this is the main character saying this) The mayor then uses Capitalism as an excuse for why everyone protesting doesn’t matter, it’s just business! (oh hey, this is being said by the villain.) and Hopper is disgusted.

But the mayor threatens hopper and uses ‘they need a permit to protest’ to force Hopper to make them leave. (something it’s heavily implied Hopper doesn’t want to do, but feels pressured into because of his job)

Already, Capitalism is being framed as unfair and cruel to the working class. it is used as an excuse by a man in power to try and convince a good character (without success) that his terrible actions are Good Actually, but in reality it’s destroying the town’s economy.

Second: A new main character is introduced! It’s Lucas’ little sister, Erica.  We’ve seen her infamously bratty character in previous seasons. In this season, she gets pulled into the spotlight because of her size. Steve, Robin (another new character whom I love), and Dustin need someone small enough to crawl through a vent. She happens upon their secret scheme, and is indoctrinated into their little plan.

After manipulating them into giving her ice cream, they beg her to do it because  “it will save the world”. She seems unconvinced. (she’s already been framed as manipulative and selfish) Dustin, in desperation, asks her if she loves America. She replies by snarking “Yeah! You can’t spell America without Erica!” and goes on to explain that She “loves Capitalism! Do you know how capitalism works? people can be be bought for goods and services. and you will have to buy my services.” This is seen as frustrating and shallow by the main cast, who can’t understand why just saving the world isn’t good enough. Let me repeat, her love of capitalism negatively frames her as the selfish and obtuse one. Her use of pro-capitalism rhetoric is seen as a roadblock, and is not treated like a good thing.

From that point on, Erica is cast as an antihero. She is not interested in doing good for the sake of being a good person. She is seen as someone everyone else must work around in order to do anything with any moral weight. She literally will not help them until she gets paid in ice cream. While she goes on to develop herself in other ways, (and her snark is fun and v likeable at times) Dustin literally only compliments her understanding of different systems of government once (as it’s framed as a weird thing for her to have any understanding of) and never comments on her love of capitalism specifically in a positive light. He uses her smarts to call her a nerd.

Finally: This is probably the most spoiler filled section. Sorry. :/  Another new character, Alexi, is a Russian scientist who can’t speak a lick if English and his relationship with the cast is honestly fucking hilarious. He’s a hostage who wants to keep it that way. He wants to become an American. it’s like, the most classic ‘I want to escape my horrible commie life and live Free(TM)’ plot, but even then, America isn’t treated like some great country. His one friend, Murray (the same from season 2, and the only American who can speak Russian) Unhandcuffs him and takes him to the 4th of July fair while they’re waiting on some other characters.

There, while he’s purchasing Alexi tickets, he mockingly brags about how all the games at the fair are rigged, and that all the money from the poor is fed into the rich’s pockets through tricks and manipulation: “THAT- is America!” he exclaims. Murray is already someone we know hates and distrusts the government. In the context of his character, this is not a positive statement. He is dripping with sarcasm.

While he is clearly portrayed as excited about the idea of Alexi becoming an American citizen, this excitement is not about America itself. He says this as if to warn Alexi that if he wants to be American, he’ll have to put up with everything that entails. Alexi treats this with incredulity, (whaaaaat the games are riiiggged??? no way!) and goes to try and prove Murray wrong. :/ things go downhill from there.

----------------

So anyway, this season is pretty blatantly anti-capitalist???? wtf??? Where did you guys get ANY of the pro-capitalism I kept hearing about?? There isn’t any! Capitalism is clearly being mocked every time it gets brought up. None of these situations would leave the audience being happy with capitalism.

If you want a real complaint, why the fuck did they make Lucas do a fucking Coke commercial in the middle of the goddamn CLIMAX. *internal screaming*

ok but all things aside, this season is p gorey. super triggering honestly. (you want to see a pile of bloody guts move like a slug???? no??? don’t watch this season. seriously. they went for accuracy there and it’s... a lot. I had actual nausea during some of the later episodes.)

As far as pros- It is waaay better and more cohesive than season 2 tho! I really liked it! Max and Steve really shine in this season, and everyone gets some pretty great character development. Hopper is just, the ultimate dad in this season.  (Oh, but Will’s life sucks. Why can’t this boy ever be allowed any happiness. His character arc is best describes as ‘Serious Gay Angst and Longing’. I want Will’s entire family to just have a vacation to goddamn Disney World)

[razieltwelve]

Eldritch Intruders (Eldritch Entity)

At some point between being chased by a tentacled monstrosity the size of a subway car and being chased by a winged terror that seemed to be made mostly of eyes and teeth, Yang began to regret some of her life choices.

Oh, the night had started well enough. Her family had been in the occult business for generations. Her father was rather famous as a monster hunter of sorts although his fame was mostly restricted to certain circles. For obvious reasons, the authorities weren’t about to admit that eldritch beings capable of annihilating the universe were real.

Panic wouldn’t even begin to describe what would happen if they did.

Yang wanted nothing more than to live up to her family’s reputation, and so she had taken it upon herself to investigate the rumours of monsters in the sewers underneath her high school. 

That was her first mistake.

Her second mistake was allowing Ruby, Blake, and Weiss to come along with her. 

Ruby, like Yang, had been trained to fight various otherworldly creatures, but her younger sister had a long, long way to go before she was ready to face anything truly dangerous. She’d run into Blake and Weiss down in the sewers. Evidently, both of them had heard the rumours too and were keen on dealing with the situation themselves.

And that led to her third mistake.

As the most experienced monster hunter, Yang had been in charge. She should have retreated sooner. There had been inscriptions on the walls of the sewers. The Mark of Devouring Flesh, the Sign of the Unfurling Mirror, and the Sigil of the Broken Angle were the three that she recognised. In retrospect, she should have called for a retreat then and there. Anybody - or anything - that could command beings from such disparate realms was someone even her father would have been hesitant to face.

But Yang was Yang. Running wasn’t in her nature… right up until the shoggoth had turned up, thundering toward them like a freight train. They had run for their lives, only to find themselves tumbling through a trap of some kind until they stopped in a vast hall lit by unnatural flames. The cavernous space loomed over them, dwarfing even a stadium, and then there had been the crackling, snapping flapping of wings made of teeth and eyes.

“Come on!” Yang shouted. “We have to get out of here!”

“We know that, idiot,” Weiss growled. “But where are we supposed to go?”

“Stop shouting and save your breath,” Blake shot back. “There has to be a way out of here.”

“Who’s that?” Ruby yelled, pointing up ahead.

Yang squinted. There was someone standing there in robes of deepest black that were lit with runes of eldritch radiance. On their shoulder was… a hamster?

“Just keep running!” Yang began to weave signs in the air. “I’ll get them out of the way! They have to be one of the cultists responsible for this whole mess.”

There was a sound like a gunshot, and a bolt of flame rippled from Yang’s hand. The Javelin of the Sacred Fire was a technique suited for destroying eldritch monstrosities - or melting cars. The figure shrugged and then lifted one hand.

“$%#%#%$#!”

Yang and the others dropped like puppets with their strings cut, and the blonde’s attack vanished like smoke on the breeze. Yang spasmed. That was a Word of Binding spoken in the language of the long-lost Sages of the Sunken Empire. She’d never heard anyone speak that language. It wasn’t even supposed to be possible since everyone who knew it had been dead for more than a million years.

As the two monsters that had been pursuing them stopped, Yang forced herself to look up at their opponent.

“Those are good eyes,” the woman said - and it was a woman - as she walked over to them. “Unfortunately, determination isn’t enough. Words of Binding wouldn’t normally be so effective on people, but, then again, none of you are people in the strictest sense of the word, are you?”

“You…”

“@%&@#$^&!”

Yang found herself unable to speak. It must have been a Word of Silence.

“You know, the Sages of the Sunken Empire were geniuses. The Words they came up were - are - truly beautiful works of occult power. It’s a pity they didn’t exercise any common sense. Did you know there’s a word that, well, translates roughly to ‘shatter a continent’? That’s why their empire sank. Oh well. Less competition for me, I guess.”

More cultists arrived, and Yang mentally cursed. They were completely surrounded now. She had to contact her parents. At the very least, she needed to find a way to get Ruby and the others out of this.

“But, back to what I was saying.” The woman chuckled and then pointed to each of them in turn. “None of you are wholly human. Unless I’m mistaken… one of your ancestors was a dragon from the Infernal Mountains, her ancestor was a snow maiden from the far south, her ancestor was a were-panther, and the youngest of you lot has… ah, yes, I’d say werewolf with a hint of something more exotic… hmm… silver eyes… perhaps one of the Watchers of the Dark?”

Yang shivered, and she felt more than saw the others recoil. Whoever this woman was, her senses were unnaturally keen. No one should be able to tell things like that at first glance.

“Now, what to do with you?” The woman gestured and the shoggoth extruded tentacles to lift them up into the air. “I have half a mind to give you to Barry there. He’s been doing a lot of good work, and he does prefer blondes.”

Yang’s eyes widened in horror. There were all sorts of rumours about shoggoths and their proclivities…

“Oh, don’t give me that look,” the woman said. “The only thing Barry is interested in is eating you. Don’t ask me why, but he thinks blondes taste better. I’ve tried asking him, but he says it a shoggoth thing.” She chuckled. “All those stories you’ve heard are just that. If you want to make more shoggoths, the only way to do it is with the correct materials and a really, really big pit to mix them all in.”

Yang wasn’t sure what to say to that. It was a relief to know that the more… horrifying stories she’d heard weren’t true, but being eaten wasn’t exactly pleasant either.

“Luckily for you four,” the woman continued. “I happen to know who you are. Now, as the grandmaster of an extremely ancient and malevolent cult, I could very easily murder the lot of you. It’s what people would expect. However, I don’t particularly enjoy murdering reasonably decent people, and your families would likely seek retribution. So what to do…?” She laughed. “Winter, what would you suggest?”

One of the cultist stepped forward and pulled back their hood. It was Winter Schnee.

“%@^@&@*!” The woman who had defeated them spoke again. “You can speak now, but I encourage you to be sensible. I will silence you again if I need to.”

Weiss was the one who spoke. “But… but they told me you were dead!”

Winter laughed mirthlessly. “Our father told you that, I assume. I’m not surprised.” She paused and glared balefully at something none of them could see. “You know our family has long had… dealing with otherworldly entities. Our father took that to the next level, Weiss, and when his foolishness resulted in the loss of one of our most important facilities, he tried to cover it up.” She bared her teeth. “He was even willing to sacrifice one of his children to do it. Luckily, the grandmaster was able to save me and a few of my troops. In exchange, Weiss, she has my loyalty.”

“But… they’re a cult!”

“We prefer the term ‘mystically-inclined organisation,” the grandmaster said. “And, really, we’re more like a company that just happens to deal mostly in apocalyptic beings from other dimensions. In any case, you four have a simple choice.” She paused for effect. “You can either join us… or die!” The cackling that followed chilled all four of them to the bone. “And by die, I mean Barry gets to eat you all.” The flying thing made of eyes and teeth gave a keening wail. “Well, he gets to eat two of you. Mickey gets the other two.”

Winter sighed. “With all due respect, grandmaster, Weiss is my sister. I would have her live.”

“We are sort of a super secret cult, Winter. We can’t just let her go.”

“Could you wipe their memory?”

“Yes, but that might also melt their brains.” The grandmaster paused as the space beside her bent and tore. 

A roiling mass of flaying tendrils and crystalline shards lit from within by captured star fire tumbled out of the hole in space and slithered up the grandmaster’s robes before resting on her back. The warped flesh quivered and twisted until it was a vaguely humanoid shape the size of a young child. Eyes and spikes appeared, and the creature made an odd trilling sound before reaching up to pet the hamster on the grandmaster’s shoulder. It made another trilling sound and then jabbed one barbed appendage in the direction of the four teenagers. 

“Hmm… it seems you four are in luck.” The grandmaster nodded sagely. “The Exalted One wants you to live.”

Yang stared. “Exalted One?”

“Yes, you might know her as the Endless Hunger, That Which Devours, the Ceaseless Eater, or also as That Which Shall Consume Creation.” The grandmaster chuckled and ruffed the spikes protruding from the creature’s head fondly. “She’s still got a lot of growing to do, but, hey, that’s what the cult is for. Besides, if she’s anything like her parents or her big sister, it won’t be long before she’s razing entires swathes of Creation in tides of absolute devastation and annihilation.”

“What does she want with us?” Yang asked. She knew what that creature was now… 

“Company, mostly,” the grandmaster said. “She likes collecting things, and, well, she doesn’t have anything quite like you four in her collection yet.”

“I don’t suppose we can refuse, can we?”

“Look on the bright side,” the grandmaster replied. “You’ll get to go about your daily lives… just… she might turn up to hang around at any time. We’ll be there too, of course, for security. But, yeah, you all get to live.” She paused. “I shouldn’t have to say this, but just to be clear, if you tell anyone about us, you’re going to regret it.” The grandmaster cackled again. “Cuddles will make sure of it.”

“Your hamster?”

“Have you heard of the Prison of Angles?” The grandmaster patted her hamster. “Cuddles is a Warden there. If you betray us, you’ll be stuck there, for, oh, I don’t know, several trillion years.”

“Oh…” Yang shivered. “I guess we’ve got no choice.”

“Exactly.” The grandmaster clapped her hands, and the shoggoth dropped all of them. The creature on her back immediately slunk forward and began to poke and prod them before deciding that it was going to sit on Yang’s head. “Oh, and don’t try to move her. She’ll get off your head when she feels like it. But let me know if she starts trying to eat you. I’ll talk her out of it, especially since she’ll be upset about it later. She never does like eating part of her collection, and even if her big sister can bring you back, it won’t be pleasant.”

X     X     X

Author’s Notes

A couple of things:

The grandmaster is Vanille

This is set well after the earlier snippets

The creature on Vanille’s back that wants to add Yang and the others to her collection is… Diana. Even at her age, she is vastly more powerful than anything that isn’t one of her parents, siblings, or an equivalent.

Barry the shoggoth is Vanille’s favourite shoggoth. He’s unusually loyal and motivated for a shoggoth, and Vanille likes to keep him well fed. She has high hopes for him evolving into an Ur-Shoggoth, which is basically like the ultimate form of a shoggoth. Incidentally, he was the second shoggoth she summoned. The first one tried to eat her, so she had Barry eat him.

[sayitwithsarcophilus]

More angelology world-building

Same universe as my previous posts.

The Malakhim (Messengers), Iyrin (Watchers), and Hafatha (Guardians), known collectively as the Eshim, are the angels most likely to be found on Earth, interacting with humans.  By the standards of the Heavenly Host as a whole, they are relatively weak, but their forms and psychology make them better suited to operating on the material plane and dealing with mortals than their more powerful and eldritch superiors.

Every time a bell rings, another angel has smacked into a glass door.

Characteristics of Eshim as a whole:

They all have a thematic bird associated with them, which dictates what their wings look like, the bird form they can take, and some aspects of their powers and personality.  Messengers have pigeons and doves, Watchers have corvids, Guardians have geese. 

Limited shapeshifting: ball of light, bird, full eldritch celestial majesty (sort of an otherworldy garuda-shaped light-elemental with more eyes than are strictly necessary), glowy winged humanoid, regular human.  Angels’ human forms come in all apparent genders and ethnicities and a wide range of apparent ages, although they generally manifest as adolescents or adults rather than children.  Angels can alter their human forms’ appearance to some extent, but generally don’t have fine enough control to impersonate specific people.

Flight in all forms but wingless human - ball-of-light form is by far the fastest, but even a malakh in pigeon form can outrace a peregrine falcon if they really need to.

They don’t need to eat or sleep, but it’s a good idea if they’re exerting themselves heavily while in human or bird form.

Eshim in ball-of-light form can replenish their energy by sitting in the sunlight

Speak all languages

Can see and hear on a wider range of frequencies than humans

Eshim’s human and bird bodies are much more durable than a mortal creature of that type would be, but not invulnerable.  However, destroying their mortal manifestations doesn’t permanently kill them unless it’s done by a few specific and powerful supernatural means.

Eshim in corporeal form don’t age naturally, are immune to mundane diseases and infections, and cannot transmit infections to others.  (Angels cannot give you bird flu.)

Being metaphysical bird people, Eshim have metaphysically sensitive lungs, when they have lungs.  Church incense doesn’t bother them, and mundane smoke is usually annoying but not dangerous, but smoke of an occult or ceremonial nature antagonistic to theirs is quite hazardous.  (This also applies to the Fallen, which is the in-universe reason why setting aromatic plant material on fire is integral to protective and purification rituals around the world: it gives demons coughing fits.)

Limited dimensional travel abilities - between Heaven and the Material Plane, and sometimes other realms if they have particular responsibilities there.  

Small personal extradimensional storage space - this is where they put their wings when they’re in human form, or where they put their clothes, small personal effects, and most of their body mass when they’re being a softball-size ball of light or a pigeon.

Eshim in human form do sweat if it’s hot or they’ve been heavily exerting themselves, but their sweat smells like incense resin (exact formula depends on their religious affiliation)

Thousands of years ago, Eshim were capable of reproducing with mortals or other supernatural beings if they cared to make the effort, but this has been strictly off limits since the Bronze Age.  (Blame the Nephilim.)

Angels in general love music, and Eshim are all decent but not, by the standards of the heavenly host, the greatest singers.

Spiritual senses: at minimum, they can detect sources of great holiness or unholiness, sense the presence of invisible or disguised spirit-creatures, and get a general empathic impression of a person or location’s emotional and metaphysical state.  

The Malakhim: Heaven’s errand-runners.  The most commonly seen choir outside the celestial realms.  Malakhim specialize in travel and communication, but their talents are pretty versatile.

Dedicated Occupation: Messengers

Thematic bird: Columbids.  (Their disrespectful in-universe nickname is “messenger pigeons”)

Powers: Standard angelic abilities, mid-level miracles (up to the approximate equivalent of a 5th-level spell in D&D), magnetoreception (used for navigation), infallible sense of direction, can communicate with any sentient being (including those who don’t use language in the conventional sense), low-level superhuman strength (think Captain America, not the Hulk)

The best flyers of the lower choirs

More likely to be interested in Making An Effort than most sorts of angel, but very monogamous by nature.  

Notes for theurgists:  Most malakhim aren’t very materialistic, and experiences usually make better bribes than stuff.  Musical or dramatic performances are particularly favored - many of these angels have spent enough time on Earth to develop media preferences, so ask them about their favored artists and genres.  If your summoned angel gets peckish, they’ll enjoy fresh fruit, nuts, or anything vegetarian-friendly and high in carbohydrates.  

The Iyrin: The Watchers.  Heaven’s spies and anthropologists.  Curious and restless.  

Dedicated Occupation: Observe and report.  (Although in practice, they tend to intervene more often than they’re really supposed to.)

Thematic bird: Corvids

Powers: standard angelic abilities, slightly more powerful miracles than Messengers and Guardians can perform, stronger physical and metaphysical senses, mildly superhuman strength, eidetic memory

Notes for theurgists: Watchers are easily bored, so make sure your summoned angels have plenty to do in their free time.  They’re more visual than malakhim, and more appreciative of material gifts.  For refreshments, iyrin can eat anything humans eat, but be mindful of religious restrictions.  Cherries and other small fruit are favorites.

The Hafatha: the Guardian angels.  The only angelic warriors who primarily operate in the mortal realm.  Most Guardians look after places or groups of people rather than specific individuals, but there are exceptions.

Dedicated occupation: Protection and butt-kicking

Thematic bird: Geese

Powers: STRONGK.  The most physically powerful and durable Eshin, in any form, and usually the best fighters.  Have an empathic/clairvoyant link to their charges, and more powerful when acting in their defense.  Outside of these circumstances, their miracle game is about as strong as malakhim.  Standard angel abilities.

Notes for theurgists: Guardians will only accept jobs from mortals if it doesn’t interfere with their duties to their charges.  They appreciate offerings of well-crafted weapons.  For refreshments, Hafatha enjoy vegetables and grain-based dishes.