#who has probably even had a look at your internet history from your early teens to now

[wondermacaroni]

Happy 4/13!! Since I’ve been posting group doodles lately, it was obligatory that we draw something to celebrate. Mine is in green (except for the shading, lol). Some thoughts on my history with Homestuck and my reread of the comic with friends are under the cut.

I’ll say preemptively, forgive me if the paragraph spacing is wonky. I don’t post a lot of big text posts, if any at all, so I have no idea if this will show up in a bearable to read format or not. Anyways.

I first read Homestuck on an early morning in April, soon before that year’s 4/13 and a little ways out from my 14th birthday in late May. I hadn’t slept at all that night, and my normal internet circles had slowed to a crawl as the sun began to rise. Bored out of my mind and too energized to sleep, I decided it was finally time to check out that one webcomic that I had seen some people post cool art for.

To keep it simple, I had a pretty big scare in the family that same day I started reading. Everything ended up and has been just fine regarding that, but I think it cemented Homestuck in my mind as a way to process things somehow. Now that I’m about to graduate college, I’ve returned to needing to process things, and of course, my way to process it.

So, one night a month or two ago, I’m looking into some Homestuck browser game (shoutouts to Wigglersim) when my friend asks what it’s about. I get a little clammy, but I do mention the game, Homestuck and all. Imagine my surprise when they ask for a link to check it out as well.

I could hear the interest egging me on like the Green Goblin mask at that point.

Over the next few days, we went from the browser game, to the doll maker, to installing the collection, to almost-nightly streams of our read-along with the comic. It has been a BLAST so far. Sure, we probably could have blazed through on our own much faster. But having someone there to break things down and engage with, especially for a work like Homestuck, has made the whole ordeal even more enjoyable overall.

To be honest with you, I could never really get myself to reread Homestuck before then. I had the collection installed on my laptop but I could never get past some feeling of shame that came with opening it, or even looking at it for too long. Even when I had finally forced myself to get comfortable with Homestuck Posting or die trying, the thought of fully reengaging and not dwelling in the bliss of memories was a little too much.

Having a friend there, one who has been willing to engage despite it all, has made the reread much less daunting. Despite all of my warnings of the future like a frenzied oracle, I’ve been able to expose that long-hidden soft spot after all these years. It’s like unclenching your jaw, in a way.

The time we’ve spent taking it all in has REALLY spurred us to put something out lately as well. Every turn of the New Year, my friends and I boot up a group canvas and collaborate on one big slab of doodles. Lately though, I’ve been wanting to do that a lot more, and so have my friends. With the reread, I finally decided to rip off the bandage and do something I hadn’t really done as a teen first reading through Homestuck— I decided to make some fanart.

It felt like uncorking champagne. Though it was probably more akin to uncorking sparkling grape juice. Whatever. I hadn’t done it, I did it, and it felt GOOD to do it. You get it. If nothing else, waiting to draw that fanart for eight some odd years meant that I didn’t have any old drawings to painfully reflect on, for better or for worse.

I don’t like doing much other than lurking. However, with all of the drawings we had made, it’d be a shame not to share them beyond like ten people. My friend started posting some, to some really surprising amounts of engagement, at least for us. I followed in suit for support, and I’ve seen much of the same myself. It’s intimidating to be perceived, but it has been nice to shake hands with the community from the other side of my normal lurking perspective. Thank you meowrails fans for your support, maybe I’ll cook again soon, who knows?

We’ve now gotten to the point in the comic where this reread just becomes a read, and right before 4/13. I never finished the comic past the second Alterniabound flash, though I’ve picked up on little spoiler things here and there. I’m excited, I’m nervous, I can’t wait to see what horrible ick I’ll get next.

With streaming this to my friend, I have accidentally convinced more friends to look into Homestuck as well. The network slowly grows, and with it, another ticket is reserved for a group movie night of Con Air. I can’t wait to see how it goes.

Anyways, that’s all for my yapping. Have a happy 4/13, consider a reread with friends, and thank you for your interest in my lecture if you’re reading or skimming through this.

[katsudondom]

I need to vent, sorry

long post incoming :)

↓

Yeah, I feel that I was born in the wrong generation

And no, I don't think I'm special or anything for saying that.

Like, do people think I want to feel like an outcast whenever I'm around a group of people that are the same age as me? Because I'd trade my interests and niches any day if it meant I could finally feel what it's like to have a group of friends by my side, or a partner holding my hand.

And yes, I do have many criticisms about certain aspects of modern technology and social media, but I don't downright hate it or dismiss the good that came from modern technology/the Internet entirely. If anything, I'd love to be born when the Internet was just starting to walk, when it wasn't as popular yet and when you were considered a nerd for even owning a computer. That'd be an amazing time to be alive, until "normies" (cant find a better word sorry I know it's cringe) started making the Internet more mainstream and later on it being the #1 reason why Americans are more stupid and self-centered then ever (in my personal opinion).

I'm more so disconnected with my generation because of the culture, not modern technology.. A generation where we believe in anything without doing any research or seeing different perspectives first, a generation that's easily brainwashed into believing anything, a generation that's so sure that their opinion is right that they'll even ruin someone else's life or ridicule them into oblivion just because the other person thinks differently. That's the reason why I feel like I don't belong with my generation, not because "ew social media".

Actually, that's not the whole reason why-

I also really just love the grunge/rock culture of the 90's, and the scene/emo culture of the early 2000's. It all felt like a community back then, like wherever you were at there'd be people accepting you with open arms, no matter who you were or what you looked like, ready to have you join their clique people that just liked the same shit as you do.

Nowadays, there doesn't even feel like a community anymore, even within your own culture. Everyone's divided, everyone's prejudice, and everyone can't put their differences aside and at least co-exist with each other. This "you're with me or against me" mentality is getting old real fast. Instead, let's have thoughtful and provoking conversations with each other, instead of being quick to go on social media and wishing ill to the white kid in your History class just because he wore a red hat that you happened to disagree with.

Idk, it's all just really silly.

I was just scrolling down watching YouTube when I saw a video calling people like me who think they're in the wrong generation "annoying" and I had to vent since it actually triggered me a bit, ngl, because just by looking at the thumbnail where they put a bunch of modern technologies and had "modern" in bold letters with the word being crossed out, I knew what points they were going to make, and I just needed to vent about how not everyone who feels like an outcast is trying so hard to be different.... It's 99% the complete opposite and I just always hated that stereotype from people who obviously have it way better in life, from people who clearly don't understand what it's like to be almost invisible even when you try so hard to be liked/seen to the point where you fantasize about a time you weren't even born in because "what if?".

Shit, I'm done, needed to get that off my chest and the only way I'd feel good about it is by posting it online. Scared to put tags on this because half of the criticisms about Gen Z that I wrote about relate to about 99% of Tumblr users, so I might piss someone off but fuck it, I want my voice to be heard and no one will probably care to read this anyway.

And yes, I know there's other teens/young adults out there like me, who has the same mindset as I do. I don't think that I'm the only special snowflake that feels this way, but it's so fucking hard finding someone who sees the world the same way as I do, that it does make me feel a bit like I am the only one.

Anyway,

Goodnight 🖤

[yourbuerokrat2]

Something after Tapestry I am sure Picard asked himself and is sort of curious about but would never ask Q is just how much Q has seen/knows about his life. 

Like clearly he bothered to take a look (however long that look was) at his university days and he even knew about Picards difficult relationship with his father.

I mean, I think Picard would be aware that considering Q is omniscient it probably is not that big of a deal to a being like him. 

BUt wouldn’t any human be sort of uncomfortable at the thought that someone know absolutely everything about them?

Like has Q seen his embarrassing presentation about horses in second grade? Did Q laugh at the things Picards had done in his youth in order to impress his crushes? 

Is Q aware of his personal trys at the Fine Arts from poetry over painting and has he seen him play the flute?

[soupthatistohot]

Sk8 headcannons because brainrot

- Langa doesn't know how to swim except the doggy paddle

- Reki wanted a dog as s kid so badly that he made an entire presentation about it for his parents and got his sister involved, too. They had to tell him no, because they couldn't afford it and because dogs require a lot of attention. Reki wouldn't speak to his mother for two days.

- Reki has definitely tried to skateboard in high heels before and he definitely failed

- Miya's YouTube recommended page consists solely of playthroughs and theories for his favorite RPGs

- Kojiro was a pokemon kid

- Langa had braces in middle school but hardly anyone noticed because of how quiet he was. His mouth was almost always closed, and he smiled with his mouth closed for photos, so there is no photo documentation that he ever even had braces

- Langa doesn't take a lot of photos, not at all. If he does, it's of nature or whatever. He has, like, one photo of him and Reki in his phone.

- Reki takes more videos than photos. If vine was around when he was a teen, he definitely would've made a viral video

- Kaoru got the first piercing because Kojiro dared him to, thinking he wouldn't actually do it. After that he just kept getting them because he thought they looked cool. (Though he definitely did that first piercing himself and it got infected. He went to tattoo parlors after that)

- the only person in the past five years who has seen Kaoru in anything but a yukata (or similar traditional clothing) is Kojiro. Apparently Kaoru wears shorts in his own home occasionally.

- Reki has long eyelashes

- Reki always has to remind Langa to wear sunscreen, even on cloudy days. Langa did NOT inherit any genes from his mother that would allow him to tan, and thus was constantly either a) white as a sheet or b) red as a tomato

- as soon as Koyomi learned what "gay" was, she looked at Reki and Langa and decided that they were secretly dating (they were not, but she wasn't that far off, it was just mutal pining!)

- Reki knows that airpods are useful and convenient and he can definitely afford them but refuses to ever buy them

- Reki likes grape flavored popsicles and Langa and Miya agree that this is a crime against humanity

- Miya loves sour candy and once made Reki and Langa eat seven warheads at once with him. He was majorly unaffected, but the other two actually physically damaged their tastebuds

- Miya eats lemons in restaurants (including Sia La Luce, and it drives Kojiro crazy)

- Miya doesn't like lemonade, though. It's too sugary.

- Before "S", Hiromi's persona of Shadow lived online as an internet troll

- Langa gets weirdly invested in internet drama even though he doesn't know the first thing about the people they're about (he could tell you the whole timeline of the Tati and James Charles drama tho)

- Reki's English writing is just as bad as Langa's Kanji, and they try to help each other with it but get a little frustrated

- While Miya has great grades in school, it's not because it comes easily to him (like skating). He actually works really hard, and he struggles the most with reading and writing. His favorite class is art.

- Kojiro is a truth serum drunk

- Reki really likes sunflowers, and just flowers in general. He'd probably never say it out loud to anyone but Hiromi or maybe Langa, but he just thinks they're pretty and appreciates their beauty.

- Langa is not a picky eater, but he will, under NO circumstances, eat anything with mustard on it.

- Kojiro taught himself how to braid hair in middle school using Kaoru's hair (he very reluctantly let Kojiro do this)

- Langa used to have a lisp as a child, but he eventually grew out of it

- Reki has glasses with a fairly weak prescription that he just doesn't use (they're supposed to be "just for school" but he really cannot be bothered. plus, he heard that if you don't wear glasses when you need them that your vision won't worsen and might even improve)

- Kojiro not only speaks fluent Italian, but also is proficient in French and even speaks English well enough to get his point across

- Reki loved reading American comic books as a kid. It was just too bad that he had no clue what the dialogue was. He'd try to come up with the dialogue himself, though, and his mom would always find him muttering to himself in various voices when reading

- Reki's headband was a gift from Oka

- Almost anyone in Reki's school could call him their friend, but he never really hung out with anyone (but his other friend who used to skate) until Langa came along

- Langa is a good dancer, Reki... is not (but he has fun!)

- Kaoru can break dance, but no one but Kojiro knows this (for now)

- Miya never has a huge growth spurt like everyone expects him to, he remains below average in height

- Reki doesn't watch a lot of shows, but he LOVES Avatar: the Last Airbender (I assume that show has been translated into Japanese??)

- Langa straightened Reki's hair once with his mother's iron. He burned both his ears multiple times

- Miya actually has a convoluted haircare routine

- Kojiro got Kaoru into the habit of always carrying around lip balm with him (whenever Kaoru would ask to borrow his, he would make an indirect kissing joke. eventually Kaoru just got his own)

- Reki definitely had a crush on the friend that taught him to skate and just did not realize it at the time because he thought he only liked girls

- Reki sleeps under his sheets and blanket all year round

- Langa had terrible acne in his early teen years and he was an early bloomer

- Reki had a tooth gap before he got braces

- Miya wears Invisalign, Reki and Langa insist that he’ll never know the torture that was having braces and remark how “kids these days” have it so easy

- Langa is good at history, mostly because he has a decent memory

- Kojiro got homesick very often when he was in culinary school in Italy, and he called his parents every Sunday

- Langa had a kindergarten girlfriend who was absolutely heartbroken when Langa told her that he just wasn’t that interested. She threw a temper tantrum and punched Langa in the face.

- Hiromi was in a long-term relationship with a girl in high school, but they broke up when she left for college. It took him a while to recover.

- Hiromi is better at mariokart than Miya and it pisses him off

- no one wants to be in the room when Kaoru and Kojiro play mariokart against each other

- Reki got sick a lot as a kid, usually just the common cold (which was kind of ironic given the climate he grew up in)

- Langa never really held anyone’s hand (not since he was a literal child, anyway) until he met Reki. He then discovered that he liked having his hand held

- Kaoru wears eyeliner to “S”

- it takes Langa a few months to really start to unpack his boxes and decorate his room when he moves to Okinawa

[wistfulrat]

this week’s fics! feat. bakeries, bookshops, bisexual awakenings of the angsty and fluffy sort, wolfstar goddads being tender as hell, desi harry reconnecting with his culture, domestic drarry, a lap dance set to akon’s smack that, and more!

But That’s History by @ebbet - 54k - T Harry Potter starts his first year as Muggle Studies Professor only to find that Draco Malfoy has been hired to teach History of Magic.

listen to me. this is one of the funniest drarry fics i've ever read. i was cackling in my bed at 2am because harry’s internal monologues throughout this fic are unhinged. insanely quotable. “what was he, a lothario” and “you were crushing me with your muscular thighs!” are lines that live rent free in my empty head. harry has never played anything cool a day in his life. there’s a faculty meeting where the teachers are planning the yule ball and debating the merits of a DJ when harry decides he must defend his muggle-music-loving honor by dancing seductively to akon’s smack that while a blushing draco loses his mind. i fucking screamed. and the best part is that in between the comedic scenes threading the overall story, you have extremely tender moments of like, padma patil helping harry become a more rooted desi by sharing their cultural traditions, harry proudly donning his sherwani. draco wrestling with his past, going to harry’s lgbtq+ club for students, being sheepish with ron and hermione. ugh, comedic writers with emotional depth are clever and talented as hell!!

Realities, Unfurling by @ebbet - 45k - M Draco Malfoy is released from Azkaban into a changed world.

incredible collage-fic told from multiple povs. 8yrs post-war and everything’s changed. the current state of the magical world unfolds via slice-of-life snapshots from a truly stunning cast. non-binary harry whom is running a non-prof org dedicated to building tolerance and establishing equality for marginalized identities. post-prison-release draco whose life will be changed by the internet. neville’s tender relationship with blaise. andromeda’s fiercely protective mothering. remus and sirius being alive and very hot and just, the tender goddads harry deserved. cho chang being brilliant. baker pansy’s softened edges. found families abound. harry being flustered by their crush on draco and making personalized playlists on an iPod nano.

that all might sound narratively cluttered but the author more than pulls this off. glorious, start to finish.

Knead by @jovialobservationanchor (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 83k - E This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy's lean arms.

cinematic. a love letter to oregon’s expansive landscapes and lively cities. it’s harry finding home in unexpected places and people. in the vast silence of rolling fields, endless coasts, and starry night skies big enough to feel like you’re adrift in space. and it’s also the lingering, intimate quiet of early mornings in a bakery, sitting on a park bench overlooking the city as you eat ice cream next to your crush. it’s harry watching ginny and luna dance and work around each other like bees. it’s the slow unfolding of harry and draco’s relationship as they fill each other’s quiet. finishing this fic is like waking from a good dream. transporting, immersive, lovely. 

Harry Potter and the Bisexual Awakening by @writcraft - 20k - E Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated.

first of all, i feel very seen by draco being a gay-who-can’t-drive. it’s called representation. but mostly i love the ease of harry and draco’s banter, a flustered harry discovering his sexuality, and the way this fic addresses biphobia. also very emo over this exchange: “I think I might be scared of you, but probably not for the reasons you think.” “Yes.” Draco stares at Harry. “I think I might be scared of you too.”

Forged through flowing water by @tedahfromtayla (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 40k - E When Hermione sets up a diplomatic mission to begin repairing the damage British colonisation did to Indian magical communities Harry isn’t going to pass on the opportunity to visit and help his family’s home country. Maybe he should have asked a few more questions about the personnel she had recruited for it before signing on because Malfoy surely has an ulterior motive to be there.

so much to love about this fic. the beautiful settings, from kolkata to mumbai, to the holi festival and colorful lively streets, to remote cave settlements and old intricate temples. it’s harry in the homeland, reconnecting to his family’s heritage and confronting the weight of imperialism in his history. it’s nipping the white savior complex in the bud. this part: That is what England left behind. That is what it still stands for, despite whatever mask of respectability and honour it presents. . .You don't get to step aside and let someone else deal with the mess. You have to listen and learn and then act, Malfoy, you need to learn how to fix your own mess. This is why we're here. my indigenous ass cheered. HP certainly sells the british fantasy but HP fanfic?? fuck jkr, fuck the crown. i love that this fic doesn’t romanticize england’s history. i love that we get to see the vast resilience and beauty of post-colonial india.

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly - 28k - T In which Harry tries to ignore his trauma with fantasy Quidditch but Malfoy's Thereness™ is distracting and all his classmates want to talk about are unicorns, virginity, and Muggle music.

tender 8th year fics where they go from bristly as fuck to understanding and soft 100% guaranteed to make me emo as hell. all the teens have traumas and no one wants to talk about it but eventually Things are Talked About. it’s good of the adults to finally notice. everyone just wants someone to hold their hand. and this part: “You’re the only person around here who’s a bigger mess than I am.” “I thought maybe we could be a mess together,” pls don’t look at me as i weep over their gentle empathy.

Advent, a comic by dustmouth - WIP - T It's Harry and Draco's first Christmas together and Draco is determined to live his full yuletide fantasy, come hell or high water.

dustmouth, patron saint of whimsical drarry. whose illustrations singlehandedly reinvented wizarding fashion. whose cheeky and tender comics are like a soothing balm to the utter depravity of this carnal world. harry and draco being domestic, draco’s xmas spirit brand being “traditional unhinged”!! extremely my shit. we’ll absolutely be reading this all december.

Little Spaces by @dracoladon and @lazywonderlvnd​ - WIP - E Draco's back from France and working on the spell damage ward at St Mungo's with Hermione, who invites him over for dinner. Without telling Harry. This is a roleplay, which means Harry is written by one author (lazywonderland) and Draco by another (dracoladon).

the switch in distinct character voices works so well for this fic!! tonally i feel like i'm watching an episode of the office. i personally love harry and draco being Pissed Off at how much they want to bone each other. the battle of the tapenade was the most riveting dinner scene i've read in a minute. clever, hilarious, emotionally tense. can’t wait until that inevitable moment post hate-sex when they’re gonna be like “oh noooo it’s a Heart Boner as well!! >:((” hell ya we’re subscribing for chapter updates.

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise by @teacup-tai​ - WIP - E In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

non-magical bookshop AU. remus and sirius’ relationship is a marvel. the ease of their affection with harry makes me so emo. draco’s friends being insistently present even as he tries to isolate himself. this is a story about acceptance, found families, and falling in love at a distance. the intimacy, the longing, the tenderness. what a fic!! i keep coming back to this part:...he looks at ease, inside his body, a body he needed to fight for. He’d made peace with his struggles and his scars. And Draco realises he wants that. He wants to be at ease inside his body, the body that now carries a virus. He wants to be at peace with his own existence. you hurt for draco so deeply but you get moments like these where he affords himself a kindness that feels foreign and it’s just!! the boys navigating grief and learning to be vulnerable. so good.

[ascottywrites]

AO3 History

That list that I, for some reason, think is valid enough to share. My personal Ao3 History. 

Saddle up. The inner interests of my brain are kind of all over the place. 

The Basement by My_Write_Life (Wip: 25/? | 40,696) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

Stiles doubles back to the Argent’s house to free Erica and Boyd before making it back home. In which Stiles, not forgetting all about Erica and Boyd very much remaining in the basement saves them, Derek and Peter killing Jackson does make him go through the process of rebirth but he is brought back human and not a werewolf. Allison and her family go through the very legal repercussions of abducting three teenagers and Scott and Stiles friendship is put on hold because of that. Derek’s still the alpha.

Strip by Fessst (Wip: 12/? | 54,439) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

"Singletail whip. Your favorite, isn't it?" Red. Stiles felt nauseated as he bent over the bench. Red. The tremble only increased when his wrists and ankles were secured with leather straps. Red. He heard the Dom behind him give a sample crack of the whip in the air. Red. This would likely pierce his skin. So fucking Red. "What's your safeword?" Red. "Stiles?" "The... the stoplights, Sir."

When Your Back’s Against the Wall by A_Diamond, Michicant123 (Complete: one-shot | 11,976) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

Fifteen years ago, the country of Beacon was shaken to its core when three slaves murdered most of the royal Hale family and one of the politically powerful Argents in the course of a single night.

Six years ago, Stiles Stilinski was forced to grow up fast and hard when his dying mother, herself a freed slave, left him at the head of an abolitionist revolution.

Two months ago, beloved princess-to-be Allison Argent was assassinated; three weeks ago, Stiles was caught and charged with her death.

Five hours ago, he was sentenced to serve the remaining Hales—tyrannical King Peter and reclusive Prince Derek—as a slave for the rest of his life. In a palace where the only people who may hate him more than the king are the ever-present family of the woman he’s convicted of murdering, the best he can hope for is that death will only be a few torturous years away.

Caution: swallowing dick may lead to injury - memoirs of a size queen

by

raeupchen (Complete: one-shot | 7,115) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

“Derek, can you give me my phone? I want to document this memorable moment,” Stiles said, before making grabby motions in the direction of his phone. Derek – unable to deny the other man anything – gave him the device before sitting back in his chair. He only raised one eyebrow when he saw what Stiles was up to. Apparently ‘documenting this memorable moment’ meant for Stiles to take a selfie and post it online. He showed Derek the picture with the caption ‘Dick sent me to the ER’.

soulmates tbh by bleep0bleep (Complete: one-shot | 1,423) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated Teen and Up] 

"It’s been five months," Derek says darkly. "Why am I still getting these proposals? You know these are probably all fake marks."

Five months since the paparazzi had snapped that photo of him with the overzealous fan tugging at his shirt, five months since millions of people on the Internet realized that the birthmark revealed was in fact, the mark, five months Derek was inundated by claims from people who desperately wanted him to believe that they were his soul-mate.

Cornerstone by Vendelin for foreverblue_navy (Complete: 6/6 | 83,738) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

The Triskelion Mafia - Volume I by JamesAlexander (Complete: 10/10 | 20,834) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

Derek Aletto saw his family being killed in front of him. Years of ruling the underworld of the organized crime were flushed down with the flames and the shot of a gun. Sixteen years later, under the name of the Triskelion Mafia, the family is back, leaded by Derek. He keeps his most trusted people close, for the Argento family is forever watching, trying to usurp Derek's prestige among the hidden world of New York. And everything seems to go according to plan, until the Argentos set an ambush for Derek's consigliere, Lydia Martini, and in the middle of the rush for survival, she ends up bringing Stiles along with her to the family's hideout.

tipping scales by jdphoenix (Complete: 2/2 | 3,810) Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: BioSpecialist [Rated Teen and Up] 

An early morning emergency wakes Jemma and Grant.

Slick As A Baby Seal by Faradaze (Wip: 52/? | 131,098) Game Of Thrones: Brimund TarthBane [Rated E]

Tormund is in love/lust. Brienne is repulsed, then intrigued. The story begins shortly after Brienne arrives at Castle Black. This is my interpretation and expansion of the greatest ship that never was. Spoilers for GoT season 6, canon divergent as of season 7.

Rich Man, Poor Man by TyReed (Complete: 10/10 | 58,055) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated M]

During a first date gone horribly wrong, Stiles Stilinksi realizes that the snarky guy he's been asked out by is actually Derek Hale, an heir to Hale Industries, one of the most profitable companies in the entire world. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in the son of a teacher and a cop, a loser who spends all weekend watching movies in his pajamas, and who is also possibly one of the biggest dorks on the Internet.

At the same time, after screwing up their first date horribly, Derek Hale realizes that the funny guy he's asked out is Stiles Stilinksi, the warmest and kindest individual he's ever met in his life, with a family just a loving and caring. Who is, for whatever reason, interested in a guy who screws up everything he does, lacks any semblance of a backbone, and who is possibly one of the biggest history dorks in all of the United States.

These rich and poor men will come to experience a taste of each other's lives, and learn where the real blessings in the world can be found.

Bonds of Blood, Bonds of Family, Bonds of Love by TyReed (Complete: 10/10 | 44,003) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated M]

After being beaten up by a door, werewolf Stiles Stilinksi finds himself bonded to Derek Hale, of the Hale Noble Bloodline. For a scrawny, wimpy, Tainted Bloodline werewolf, Stiles runs away, embarrassed and humiliated as he worries about bringing shame to the Hale Family, and even more shame to himself. Because the Nobles and Tainted just don't mix, never have, never will.

Except, things aren't exactly what they seem.

With the help of the (meddling) Hale family, his adoptive (meddling) human parents John and Claudia Stilinksi, and one very persistent Alpha Derek Hale, Stiles might come to see himself as more than just the blood that runs through his veins, and open his heart to find the happiness, friends, pack, and the family that he'd always wanted.

Matenapped by xcaellachx (Complete: 12/12 | 36,671) Teen Wolf: Sterek [Rated E]

Alpha Derek Hale has known Spark Stiles Stilinski was his mate for over six years. The traumatized Spark had killed the rogue alpha who tried to kill his friend so many years ago and was still scarred by the experience. Now, Stiles was settled in as a magic shop owner and Derek was ready to claim him for his own. The ritual of matenapping was an old but accepted tradition and Derek had his den ready to receive his mate. It was time.

Stiles Stilinski thought Lydia was insane for thinking the sexy alpha wanted to matenap him. He was damaged by his past and determined to stay single so he didn't harm anyone. He kept his magic tightly leashed and couldn't believe that anyone could want him. Not a murderer. Even when the wolf came to see him and touched him gently, winking at him and looking at him longingly, he just couldn't accept it.

Very soon, Stiles wouldn't have a choice but to believe it. Derek was taking his mate and bringing him to his mating den where he would court and woo him until he couldn't help but fall in love with him.

(A/N: This is a lighthearted fic for the most part. This isn't an evil kidnapping/fall in love with your captor type. Not very serious at all, to be honest. Enjoy!)

**I could have sworn I had more eclectic tastes but I guess in 2018 I was firmly about the Sterek. 

[rotationalsymmetry]

A brief history of Unitarian Universalism (casual, with swears, have not fact checked as such but I think it’s correct): In New England back before US independence, there was Calvinism -- you know, that predestination thing, you’re already going to go to heaven or hell, but you should be good anyways so people will think you’re going to heaven, or something like that. Then there wasn’t. Then there was Congregationalism. Which was a lot more chill, but still very “fuck Catholicism”. And around this time, deism was on the rise: the idea that maybe God created the universe, then fucked off, and hasn’t been actively involved with anything since. Then, some people who were actually reading the Bible, because you can’t look down on Catholicism unless you actually read the Bible, were like... wait, maybe Jesus isn’t all that. You know -- the Savior, the Son of God, one third of the Trinity, all that. Maybe he was just, like... a prophet, or some guy who said some interesting things. A teacher. And other congregationalists were like: uh, what, no, Jesus has to be all that. If you don’t think Jesus is all that, how can you even call yourself a Christian? And they decided they couldn’t really be around each other any more. So the first group, which was mostly in Boston, started calling themselves Unitarians (because they rejected the doctrine of the Trinity and instead believed in a one part God), and incidentally at some point also stopped calling themselves Christians because the other guys had a point, and the others called themselves the United Church of Christ (UCC.) Emerson and Thorough -- sorry, Thoreau -- were both Unitarians, as were John Adams, John Quincy Adams, and pretty much everyone else from Boston in early US history. (We like to claim Jefferson, because his beliefs were kindasorta similar to Unitarian beliefs at the time, but as I understand it he was never actually part of a Unitarian congregation.) (Btw: if you’re lgbtq+ and Christian, they’re a pretty friendly denomination. If you’re lgbtq+ and Christian and you think the UCC is too liberal (in the religious sense) or you want a majority-lgbtq+ congregation, consider MCC, which is otherwise unconnected to all this. If you’re not Christian and are lgbtq+ -- atheist/agnostic, or maybe something else if you’re down with worshipping with people that aren’t specifically your thing -- Unitarian Universalism tends to be pretty good. As in: we have a bunch of gay/lesbian ministers and other religious leaders, and a few transgender ones. (Knowledge of less mainstream lgbtq+ identities can vary a lot between congregations and generations -- the younger generations tend to be more aware than the gen x’ers.) I’ve been involved with Church of the Larger Fellowship for most of the past year, which did zoom worship before it got cool and serves people around the world, and people like me who live a mile from a UU brick and mortar congregation but still can’t get their disabled ass over there anyways. Anyways, CLF has more POC on the worship team than most UU congregations (the denomination does tend to run pretty white), is very social justice oriented even by UU standards, and is somewhat more cool about general weirdness than most congregations, which again for UU congregations is saying something.) Then, at some point (sadly, I’m significantly more familiar with the history of the first U than the second) there was this other protestant denomination in the South (as in, the US South) where people decided that God was too nice to send people to hell for all eternity, so they started calling themselves the Universalists, as in Universal Salvation. All dogs go to heaven. Well, time passed, each denomination evolved in its own way. (In particular, Unitarianism caught humanism pretty hard -- the joke was the Unitarians believe in one God at most.) In the -- ok, I’ll look this one up -- in 1961, there was a big old merger, creating Unitarian Universalism, and in the process, everyone got together and was all...wait, so what are our official beliefs about God and stuff? Should we even have official beliefs about God? Maybe we can unify around some ideas around how people should treat each other instead. So they did: they drafted a set of Principles (broad-strokes guidelines on how people should act -- peace is good, truth is good, people have value, stuff like that) and a set of Sources (where UU’s get their ideas about God and morality and so on from, starting with direct experience) and left everything else up to the individual. And then a little while later, the tree-huggers got a seventh Principle and a sixth Source added in -- respect for the environment and Earth-centered religions, respectively -- so now the joke is that UU’s believe in one God, more or less. Currently there’s a movement on to add an 8th Principal that explicitly names racial equality and fighting oppression as something we value, since while the current Principles mention justice and equality, they don’t specifically name race, and the people of color who have stuck with the predominantly white denomination figure Unitarian Universalism can and should be doing better on that front. Unitarian Universalism runs religiously liberal (ie, decentralized, individualistic, non-authoritarian, non-dogmatic, inclined to believe science over the Bible) and politically progressive. Unitarian Universalist congregations tend to be very politically active and concerned with social justice, mostly in a well-educated middle class kind of way: committees, Robert’s Rules of Order, donating to non-profits, Get Out the Vote, inviting in speakers and asking “questions” that aren’t really questions, forming partnerships with other congregations and community organizations, etc. Many UU congregations have put a Black Lives Matter sign out (and when necessary keep putting it out when it gets torn down or vandalized), shown up for the protests, opposed the weird immigration BS that’s been going on in the US recently, etc. In addition to more charity style work, like food pantries and homeless shelters.

Point is: yeah it’s got flaws (don’t even get me started on Unitarian Universalism’s flaws) but if you’re a social justice person and want to meet other social justice people who are doing things, Unitarian Universalism can be a good place to look for that. You get more done in groups.

You’re less likely to burn out, too. With marginalization, it’s complicated, right? Again, for LGBTQ+ people, it’s going to be better than most religious organizations. For people a little bit on the autism spectrum, you probably won’t be the only one. (If you’re unmistakeably autistic, people might be weird/ableist; it might depend on the congregation.) If you’re from a working class background or are currently kinda broke, you might run into some frustrations or feel like you don’t fit in; if you’re a poc or if you’re disabled (or your kid is) or you want a lot of personal support, you might struggle more -- this really might vary a lot, but at least the congregations I’m used to tend to assume congregants can mostly stand on their own feet, metaphorically speaking, and have some extra time/money/skills/whatever that can be directed out into the wider world. It can be a good place for pagans and Buddhists and other people who don’t want a church but are having trouble finding a church-like religious community where you can hang out with people on the same spiritual path. (Uh, for a while UU congregations were emphatically not churches and some officially still aren’t; others gave up and were all “eh, it looks like a church, whatever, we’re just a weird church.) Some congregations are more atheist-dominated than others -- many avoid Jesus language most of the time, some avoid God language most of the time (UU’s who believe in God tend to believe in God in a relatively abstract/metaphorical way), some I hear are pagan-heavy, others do use Christian language a lot more. In all honesty you don’t have to go to Sunday worship if you don’t want to, and really a lot of UU’s don’t; if you want to be heavily involved in the congregation but don’t want to go to Sunday worship and don’t want to deal with pressure to, one way out is to teach RE (religious education -- basically “Sunday school”) the RE curricula are amazing, just absolutely astounding, and if you’re teaching it you get a ton of leeway with adjusting anything you don’t like. (Which could happen -- a lot of this stuff was developed before the idea that cultural appropriation is a big problem became mainstream in social justice circles.) What adult worship is like has basically zero correlation (perhaps negative correlation) to what RE is like. (Which sucks for young adults coming of age in a UU congregation, like I said don’t get me started on UU’s flaws.) Finally: for people who care about sex positivity and sex ed, Unitarian Universalists (in partnership with UCC) developed Our Whole Lives, a sex ed curriculum that, well, it’s not abstinence based education. You wouldn’t expect sex ed coming from a religious org to be better than the sex ed in schools, would you? And yet. Comprehensive sex ed that acknowledges gay bi and trans people and that disabled people have sex too and teaches about birth control and masturbation and abuse and consent and boundaries and bullying and internet safety and abortion. It’s good stuff. The course aimed at teens is most popular of course, but there’s actually (age-appropriate) OWL curricula for all stages of life: young kids, adults, older adults, everyone. And it’s versatile enough to be taught in secular contexts (after school programs etc). Given the direction that unfortunately a lot of school districts in the US have been going in in terms of sex ed, it’s a really important program.

[sally-mun]

I know I mentioned in another recent post that I really want to get back to doing my “shows,” but before I can get started I have a couple of other things to finish first, one of which is working on zines. The one I’m currently working on is a Ranma ½ zine, and it’s been an interesting experience -- both because of working on the zine itself, and because of my own history with this series.

That’s right, it’s time for another rip-roarin’ Sally-mun ramble!

My first encounter with Ranma ½ was on my 15th birthday. A friend of mine, one of the only other anime fans I knew because it was still relatively unknown in the US, got me the second graphic novel, which is as much as had been officially translated at the time. Going into the story with no context was confusing to say the least, but it also intrigued me enough to look up whatever info I could find on the few stray bits of internet that covered the series, and it was enough to get me hooked.

That said, I also had kind of a difficult time being a fan, because I honestly didn’t like Ranma himself. Like, at all. I found it confusing that the author would write the protagonist to be so blatantly and outwardly unlikable, and as a result I found myself just sort of looking past him and trying to follow the lives of the other characters. I was appalled at the sort of things he would say to Akane; his constant jabbing that she’s not cute, she’s stupid, no one will ever like her because she’s a tomboy, his frequent judgements of her body... I gotta say, they really resonated with me. I couldn’t help putting myself in Akane’s shoes, and in a weird way I felt personally hurt by his insults. I really admired Akane’s strength and the fact that she never let his bullying get to her, because I know it probably would’ve destroyed me. And this is just the way he treats her; I was equally uncomfortable with the way Ranma antagonizes and harasses several other characters in the series as well. I loved the series and I enjoyed following it, but there was always this uneasy feeling inside of me anytime Ranma opened his mouth.

The last time I read or watched this series was probably in my early 20′s. I worked really hard to track down all the DVD seasons (which were exceptionally rare and expensive at the time), and once I completed my set, I felt such a relief and satisfaction that I put the story down and, it turns out, I hadn’t picked it up again since. It’s been a decade or so since I was actively engaging with this series, so when I got accepted to work on this Ranma ½ zine, I’ll admit that there was a part of me that felt a mild degree of panic. Yes, I’m still a fan, but I’m not very deep in the weeds right now; I honestly wasn’t even sure if I could decently write the characters, including and especially Ranma himself. In fact, I realized, I didn’t want to write about Ranma. I didn’t want to write about a character that I probably wouldn’t willingly spend time with in real life.

In the end, however, none of that mattered, because I signed on with this zine and I needed to be an adult and honor that commitment. Since it’s been such a long time since I’ve read or watched this series anyway, I decided to binge on the anime again for the first time in all these years. And this is why I’m writing this long-ass post tonight, because even though I’m only a couple seasons in right now, I have been absolutely shocked to find that my perspective on this story has completely changed. My teenage self can’t even believe I’m saying this, but I seem to have switched sides. I now find Ranma extremely sympathetic, and Akane to be the bully.

Although there is still a part of me that feels for her when Ranma really digs in with his insults, it pales in comparison to how upset I get with Akane over her treatment of Ranma. The fact that she’ll purposefully go as far out of her way as possible to paint Ranma as a jerk is honestly something that’s interfering with my enjoyment of the show. She does have her nice moments here and there, but if any opportunity arises for Akane to scream about Ranma doing something allegedly reprehensible, she’ll take it -- no matter how many people point out the very simple and innocent alternate explanations.

With Akane relentlessly campaigning against him, it honestly comes as no surprise anymore that Ranma snaps at her and antagonizes her. It’s about all he can do to vent his frustrations sometimes, and if she’s going to depict him as a jerk no matter what, he may as well let off some steam in the process. Ranma’s situation is difficult enough just having to deal with his curse, but then to also get forcefully engaged to someone who intentionally sees the worst in him? If anything, I’m now surprised at how much he holds back. He could easily be as nasty to her as she is to him, but he actually takes it kind of easy on her, all things considered. And don’t forget, he rarely gets a break from her; they not only live together, but also go to school together. They’re in each other’s faces all the time. I’m pretty sure I’d have had a few choice things to say to her too if I were in his shoes.

It’s even more frustrating when you consider that she doesn’t even have a good reason TO be treating him this way. This all started because of a mishap that was nobody’s fault. Ranma’s not at fault, Akane’s not at fault, NO ONE is at fault here. Ranma had no reason to believe that anyone (let alone Akane) would walk in on him getting out of the bath, and Akane had no reason to think a boy would be in there. I’m sure she felt embarrassed and violated and wronged, and I DO feel for her in that regard, but that is not his fault. If, IF, IF we’re going to assign fault to anyone, it could honestly only be hers, because one could argue that Akane could’ve at least knocked or announced herself prior to joining Ranma (as a female) in the bath. Furthermore, she doesn’t even acknowledge that this mishap went both ways, as Ranma points out himself that she got a good long look at him, too. He was just as exposed as she was, but she immediately disregards his point and tells him “it’s different when a girl sees a boy,” whatever that means.

Akane is too stubborn to admit to herself that she’s the only one you even could assign blame to, too hypocritical to acknowledge that she wasn’t the only victim, and too immature to just let the damn thing go. It’s a really bad mix that becomes the driving force behind her relationship with him from day one. Akane wants retribution for the crime she’s convinced herself that Ranma committed, so she INSISTS that he’s a no-good pervert because she’s mad that no one was on her side that day. If she couldn’t convince them then, then by god she’s going to convince them eventually, which is why she just will not fucking stop trying to paint Ranma as a perverted jerk. She takes any opportunity she gets to show off his allegedly bad intentions, because to her it’s just another step closer to getting people to see she really was justified on that first day. And Ranma is forced to keep tolerating this, day in and day out, regardless of what he does or doesn’t do.

So what does all this mean?

I think this means that this series is exceptionally well-written, more than anything. At the time that I first discovered this series, I was only marginally younger than Akane herself. I related to her so strongly that I was only capable of seeing the situation from her side, and only able to relate to her emotions and her experiences. As I stated in the beginning, I felt like Ranma’s insults hurt me personally, rather than just empathizing with Akane for him hurting her. This tells me that, for all of her faults, Akane is exceptionally on-point for a girl in her mid-teens. Yes, she’s being immature and petty and unreasonable, but she’s also only 16. That’s how we are at that age, and sometimes it’s easy to forget about that once you grow past it. Teenage years are that shitty point in your life where you feel like you’re so sure that you’ve FINALLY got everything figured out, when in reality you aren’t even capable of understanding the depth of how much you don’t know. Akane holds her grudge against Ranma because she’s so sure she’s right, and she’s determined to find validation for that if it’s the last thing she does, because that’s how most of us viewed the world at 16.

But that’s one of the things that makes my revisit to this series so extraordinary: Akane’s not able to grow and change, but I am. I’ll never be able to view the series the same way I did as a teenager, because I’ve had so many new experiences and so much time to grow since then. I can certainly remember the point of view I had and why, but I’ll never actually have that same view again. I’ve learned so much more about the world, about people and relationships, about morals and ethics... all kinds of things that she can’t, because she’s necessarily frozen in time as a character in a story. Akane doesn’t get to evolve with her readers over the years, and it makes for a fascinating snapshot of where I was mentally and emotionally at that time.

I think the biggest and most critical difference between then and now is my self-esteem. When I first connected with this series, I had basically no love for myself and no confidence that anyone else would ever see anything valuable in me. I was in a place where it was not only very easy for words to hurt me, but for those words to stick with me, sometimes for years after the fact. Ranma, despite simply being a character in a book, was effortlessly able to hurt me on a particularly deep level because that’s how delicate I was at the time of reading it. He hurt me so much that I was completely unable to see his point of view; all I could see was someone being cruel for seemingly no reason, and as such I saw Akane’s treatment of him as completely justified.

20 years later, however, it now reads as a completely different story. I don’t share Akane’s kneejerk reaction to these situations anymore, and I’m more focused on thought process and reasoning. I’m more able to recognize when I’m missing information and need to investigate more, more accountable for when I’ve done something wrong, and more willing to let small things go. Hell, I have a better understanding of what “small things” even are. When I was Akane’s age, none of the incidents happening in the story seemed like small things, but now? Now I just don’t have time for that kind of minutia. It’s... wait for it... childish. Because teenagers are still children, no matter how much we didn’t want to admit it at that time.

But that’s part of the genius of how this series is written. Not only did I instantly fall into the same mental trap as Akane when I WAS her age, but now that I’m not anymore, I look back on it as just kids getting wrapped up in their microcosm of the world. No matter how much I get frustrated at Akane for being horrible to Ranma, I can’t not admit to myself that she’s not an adult yet, so in some way it’s me being the unreasonable one by trying to hold her to adult expectations. She’s still got a lot to learn because she’s still just a kid. I literally used to be just like her at one point in my life. If I was able to mature past that sort of behavior, then I’d like to think that, if Akane were able to age, then she probably would one day too.

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

Hey, I'm really sorry but I don't really understand all this anti discourse??? What's wrong with not wanting to see pedophilia romanticized in fiction? Like I understand it's fiction and not real, but I guess for me it's just super weird why anyone would want to read that sort of thing. Also personally I won't watch game of thrones, nor will I read it, because I'm super not okay with graphic depictions of rape. I didn't even know it had pedophilia or incest so I'm glad I never got into it. =/

Imagine you’re in high school, if you’re not already.  You have a significant other of your preferred gender.  You’ve been dating for a year or so. You’re in the same grade, but you’re older than they are.  You’re 18 years old.  They are 17 years old.  You’re only actually 3 months apart in age and you only just turned 18.  

Antis are the people who would see “18yo dating 17yo” and immediately start calling the 18yo a predator.  I have seen them call a late-20s character dating an early-20s character pedophilia, because of the age gap, which is nonsensical.  I can only imagine the names they would call me, who turned 19 days after first kissing my girlfriend, who was 2 years and a couple months younger than me and so who was only 16 for the first few months we dated, even though we were only a grade apart.  (we’re now married, fwiw, and have been happily together nearly 15 years)

Antis see adults writing teenaged characters bc they enjoy a canon with teenage characters and get invested in their romantic relationships and ship them because they’re cute together, and call those adults pedophiles.  For writing fic that is, essentially, the same as 99% of young adult novels.  Which are almost all written by adults.

Antis say that the act of looking at teenagers having an interesting dynamic or potential dynamic and wanting to explore that in a context where those teenagers HAVE GROWN UP AND ARE ADULTS and maybe writing smut of adult characters who are in canon underage?  Is pedophilia and child pornography. Stories about characters that happen to have been children at one point but are - this is the important part - NOT children in these fics.

And, ultimately, antis are calling fictional stories about fictional characters “child pornography” and anyone who has concerns about purity policing and censorship as “pedophiles” or “pedophile apologists” and are diluting the meaning of these concepts when ACTUAL LITERAL CHILD PORN AND PEDOPHILES EXIST and what they are doing is doing absolutely nothing to combat it.

They’re not angry about people “romanticizing” pedophilia, because 95% of the time even fictionally that’s not what’s happening.  They’re angry because they’ve come up with this idea of what “acceptable” fic is, and they don’t like that people disagree with them.  You can tell it’s not actually about that, because you don’t see them trying to get Game of Thrones pulled from libraries, even though it includes incest and sexual assault and a 14 year old girl being married to and impregnated by a grown man (and all this in the very first book).  You don’t see them calling GRRM a pedophile.

At the end of the day, it is fiction.  It is fictional.  No one is asking you to like it, least of all me, but it is NOT. REAL.  These are not real people and they are not in real situations.  They talk a big game about how fanfiction and shipping will “normalize” these things, but fandom is actually a LOT smaller than it feels, and most fics don’t get more than a few thousand hits at the MOST.  And if you just mass ban anything that includes sexual assault or child abuse, you’re going to probably ban the tiny fraction of fandom that is actually really into that, sure, but you’re also going to ban fics dealing with canonical backstory and trauma.  you’re going to ban fics grappling with dark themes and condemning the things that happen to the characters.  You’re going to ban people trying to heal, or even just trying to have a discussion about it.

We know this because it’s happened before in fandom, look into the LiveJournal strikeout if you want to know more about it.  Look into the various ff.net crackdowns.  When it comes down to it, if I look at 17yo character and a 23yo character and say “I want to ship them during this canon without changing their ages”, there is no minor being taken advantage of.  If someone uses my fic to “convince” a teen that it’s okay to date them in their 20s?  That’s on them.  they are abusers and if it hadn’t been fic it would’ve been music, or movies, or history, or god only knows what.  You don’t get to let abusers off the hook just because they MAYBE could use someone’s fanfic as one of their methods of abuse.  There’s… sorry, there’s just a LOT of issues with anti culture.  I’m not pro pedophilia or anything, I am just anti whatever the fucking hell antis are doing.

I’ve been through that kind of black and white all or nothing purity culture bullshit before.  It was called evangelical christianity, and it was (in my case, because of this purity culture shit) deeply abusive and fucked me up royally!  I refuse to let myself be put through that again just to please some fuckos on the internet.

[love-fireflysong]

Day 18: Photo

Fandom: Until Dawn Character(s): Chris Hartley, Josh Washington, Ashley Brown Words: 1962 Rating: Teen (language bitches!) Author’s Notes: *Nickelback’s ‘Photograph’ plays in the background* Still alive over here! And it’s not angst this time! Amazing, I know. Big reason this one is so late is because after spending 3 days thinking about what to do for this, I still had nothing. And then I inspiration came to me in the shower so here we are: the follow-up to Deals and Arguments that probably no one wanted! Because lets be honest, if Ash is the one who writes ‘Ashley Hartley’ in her books, then Chris absolutely scribbled a heart with their initials by accident once. And that’s all it takes for Josh...

For almost as long as Chris had known him, Josh had always been obsessed with the idea. He wants to say that it started when they were in fifth grade, when their teacher, Ms. Franks, announced to the class that since she was pregnant, that she was going to be taking a leave of absence just before the end of the school year. Someone, he couldn’t recall who, had asked if they had a name for the baby picked out, but he could recall the response as though it had happened only yesterday.

“It’s still a little too early for names, but if they’re gonna be a girl, we’re thinking of naming her after a mutual best friend of ours.”

Ever since then, Josh had been all over the idea. Every dare, every piece of blackmail, every ‘dying’ wish was the same: “Name your kid Josh.” When he was younger, Chris would laugh and shove Josh away with a roll of his eyes. It was funny back when he was like ten or eleven, or hell, even when he was thirteen! He was gonna be a super cool app developer, he wasn’t gonna have time for marriage, much less kids. All of his time was gonna be spent developing super awesome games and apps that were gonna save the world! Or something. 

While his mind didn’t exactly change the moment he met Ashley the summer after he turned thirteen, he is ashamed to admit it was pretty dang close. Josh introduced Ash to him in their favorite fast food diner, and declared the three of them to be best friends, til death do us part, yada yada yada. At the end of July, the three of them were inseparable, and by the beginning of school that September, he was gone. Donezo baby! Head-over-fucking-heels for the little braces wearing, red-head that read Sherlock Holmes and Shakespeare for fun.

And unsurprisingly, Josh never let up on his demand. Nope, he did not! In fact, he got even worse about it. 

He needed to borrow a pencil for math? Name your kid after me. 

Can he spot him a couple of bucks for ice cream? Only if you name your kid Josh. 

When did the Battle of the Alamo take place? 1846. But I’ll tell you the right answer if you swear to name your first-born after me. 

While extremely exhausting to try and avoid, Chris was able to do so easily. He just started asking the kid who sat behind him in class for pencils, borrowed money from Ash instead, and he’d rather fail history then name his kid after Josh. Thankfully, after his first bombed history exam, Ash made all three of them do their homework together constantly, so the last one became a moot point. Barely.

Eventually, Josh tapered off on the demand, but not until after the start of the next school year. Most people probably would have stopped a few weeks in, but most people weren’t Josh Washington. When he wanted something, the guy stuck to his guns and didn’t give it up for nothing. Not that he stopped entirely of course, Josh still brings it up during dares and shit but it becomes immensely more manageable. He notices that he doesn’t ask it of Ash during these game, but when he considers the completely mortified look she gets on her face when ever he gets asked, Chris figures that its probably for the best.

(The fact that he not only stops that day Chris walked back into Ash’s bedroom and she’s as red as her hair while shoving something into her desk drawer, but that’s also when the mortification starts, he doesn’t clue into until years later.)

So when Josh walks up to him during their first period together with the absolute shittiest of shit-eating grins on his face, Chris is on red high alert.

“Oh no. What did you do?”

The laugh Josh gives is low and dark, and if Chris’s hackles weren’t raised earlier, they sure as fucking-hell are now. “Oh no, Cochise. It’s not what I’ve done, it’s what you’ve done.” With that, Josh proceeds to just slam a binder onto Chris’s desk, and he looks to see that he recognizes it easily.

“Okay...? I don’t see what my math notes have to do with anything.”

Another laugh, this one somehow darker and eviler then the first. Oh boy, those alarms going off in his head aren’t getting any quieter. “Oh, it has absolutely everything to do with you.” Before Chris can even respond, Josh is already flipping through the pages, past older pieces of loose-leaf that ripped from the binder coils that he hadn’t bothered to repair and and the newer notes with their edges still intact, and stops at the most recent. At first Chris doesn’t see anything, it’s all his notes about logarithms that he had taken the previous day, blue ink scratchy and messy all across the page, and then he does. And he absolutely blanches at the sight and hurriedly slams the binder shut, putting his face in his arms as he covers his head, actually whimpering as he refuses to look at Josh.

He doesn’t have to look to see the triumphant grin on Josh’s face, he can already imagine it pretty clearly. 

“Oh fuck me.”

The worst part is that he didn’t even know it was there in the first place, he never would have lent his notes out otherwise. Josh had been missing more and more school recently, claiming that he was having killer headaches and they were making him sick, so Chris had done what friends do for each other and lent him his notes. What he didn’t realize was that at some point when he had been taking notes down, he had drawn a little heart in the margins with the initials CH+AB inside. Something he never would have done if Josh had been there with him, but he hadn’t been, so Chris had zoned out thinking about meeting up with Ash after school to bring Josh his homework.

He was so dead.

“What do you want?” Though muffled through his arms, he cringed at how small and weak his voice came out.

God, he could hear the stupid grin in Josh’s voice when he answered. “You know exactly what I want, Cochise. What I’ve always wanted.”

Chris didn’t remove his head from his arms on the desk, but he did turn it enough to narrow his eyes at Josh. “Are you fucking serious dude? Really? You’re still on about that shit?”

“I will never stop. You know this to be true.”

“I am not naming my stupid kid after you! I mean, maybe I won’t ever have kids. I’m certainly not gonna if I have to name them Josh!”

Josh rolled his eyes, but the wide grin never left his face. “You don’t have to name all of them after me. Just one.” Somehow, Chris watched the grin get even wider as a thought came to him. “Maybe two, if they’re twins. Can you imagine? The twins, Joshua and Joshlynn, it’ll be great!”

“Okay, now I’m definitely never having kids.”

Josh gave a short bark of laughter. "Please, like that’s ever gonna happen. You wanna know why, Cochise? Cause if Ash is gonna want kids, then you’re gonna want kids.”

He couldn’t help it. He really, truly couldn’t help it. The image of little kids with bright red hair and glasses flashed through his mind unbidden, and he groaned loudly and put his face back into his arms to hide how red his face had gotten.

“Anything else, dude. Make me do anything else. I will strip and run through the entire school naked if you want, just don’t make me promise you this stupid shit.” God, if only he hadn’t drawn that stupid heart on his stupid notes, then none of this would be happening right now! He sat up in his seat at the revelation. “Wait. I can just rewrite the page and burn this one.”

“Oh, Chris Chris Chris.” They way Josh shakes his head in disappointment sends around a million different alarm bells ringing. “Do you really think that little of me? I took like a million pictures my dude. This shit is saved forever. I can send this to Ash whenever the fuck I want. I can post this on whatever social media I feel like and it will live on the internet forever, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Oh. Right. Shit. “I can’t believe that you can literally blackmail me with anything right now, and this is the hill you’re dying on.”

“So are we in agreement then?”

“I cannot believe I’m saying this, but yes. Fine. I will name my stupid kid after your stupid ass.”

“Oh please. Your kid may be stupid, but there is no way that any kid of Ashley’s is gonna be.”

“...I hate you so much right now.”

--------------------------------------------------

Chris hadn’t meant to respond the way he did when he found the old notebook he had bought for Ash years ago. He really hadn’t. He had just been excited to find out that she had kept the stupid thing after all these years, he hadn’t even been joking when he told her that he had spent ages in the store looking for it. (”It has to be perfect, Mom! I can’t just buy her any stupid old journal, she loves these things! I mean, what if she hates it?”) So he had opened it and started flipping through the pages, laughing with her at all the stupid misspellings and bad grammar that her thirteen year-old self had written.

And then he reached the last page.

Things had really been out of his hands at that point. Something about seeing her writing her name down as ‘Ashley Hartley’ had just ignited something in him. The images of her walking down an aisle, of them with matching rings on their fingers, of kids running underfoot, was too much for him to handle. So Chris had kissed her. Kissed her like he was never gonna be able to do it again. Them falling onto her bed had been an accident, though a happy one, as they both didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss.

Finally, he had pulled away and her giggle when she moved to fix his glasses had taken his breath away. It had quickly returned when his eyesight improved enough to really take in the image of Ash flushed pink with her red hair spread out under her on the bed, and he was suddenly reminded that she was going to be living with him soon! That this was a sight he was going to be waking up to every morning at the end of the month, and he had never wanted anything so bad in his life.

“So,” his voice is rougher than usual when he speaks and he can feel her shiver under him at it. He makes a note for future reference. “Ashley Hartley, huh?” 

He watches her bite her lip, and it takes everything in him to not kiss her again. Two years in, and he’s still amazed that he’s allowed to kiss her whenever he wants, that she encourages it even! “Be honest with me,” she starts off and Chris has never been told to do something so easy in his life, “what do you think of the name Joshlynn?”

He stares at her for just a moment, just letting her words sink in, and then falls forward to smother himself in her hair, his shoulders shaking he’s laughing so hard. Of course. Of fucking course he did.

“So he got you too, I see.”  

[lovemesomesurveys]

“The rest of your life” Are you independent or dependent? Both, but definitely more dependent. Even more so these past few years.

If you could put your life into a category, where would it go? I feel like this would be easier to answer if you gave a list of categories. I don’t know what kind of insight you’re looking for. <<< Yeah, I have no idea how to answer this.

How many animals do you have? I have one doggo. <3

Are you popular? Nope. Never was and that’s perfectly fine.

What time were you born? Around 430PM.

Have you had any candy this week? Nope.

Are you more afraid of tornadoes or hurricanes? I’ve never experienced either one, but they both sound terrifying.

Do you like those nerd glasses? I don’t know what “nerd glasses” you’re referring to.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? Nope. Or any kind of physical fight.

What color is your house? Beige.

When was the last time you saw a rainbow? Hmm. I don’t remember.

Have you ever ate a crayon? Nope.

Ever rode in a helicopter? Yes, after my accident I had to be flown to another hospital.

Do you like rabbits? Sure.

Do you like mushrooms? Nope.

“It’s like you step into the room and just press play” What was the last movie you cried at? On Halloween I rewatched It Chapter 2 and the ending always gets me in the feels with what happens to Eddie, when it shows the loser’s club as kids and then adults, and the letter from Stanley.

What ice cream flavor best describes your personality? Vanilla cause I’m plain and simple and “innocent”, ha.

Would you rather work for a small or large company? I don’t know.

Where's your favorite place to buy clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

How many languages do you speak? Just one fluently. I can speak some Spanish, though. 

What was the worst movie you've ever seen? Hm. There’s been several wtf movies, but I don’t know what I’d say was the worst. I don’t feel like thinking much about it.

What video game have you played the most? Mario bro games and most recently Animal Crossing: New Horizons. I’ve been playing that just about everyday for a lot of this year.

What was your favorite TV show as a child? Nick Jr shows, Playhouse Disney shows, Arthur, The Big Comfy Couch, Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Bobby’s World, some Cartoon Network cartoons, and Saturday morning cartoons like Recess and Pepperann.

What's your favorite sport? None.

If you were given a brand new yacht, what would you name it? I have no idea. 

Do you believe there’s life on other planets? Not in the form of ugly green creatures with odd shaped heads.

What was the worst place you ever traveled to? Hm. I haven’t been anywhere I didn’t really like.

What is one thing you’re really bad at? Life.

Do you believe in angels? Yes.

Would you rather be a famous actor or musician? Neither.

“where have you been all my life?” If you could have invented one thing, what would it have been? I don’t know.

What's your favorite exercise workout? I don’t have one. I don’t exercise :X

What's your favorite thing to do? Some things I like to do include surveys, reading, watching YouTube, scrolling through Tumblr, and checking my social medias.

What did you do for your 17th birthday? I’m sure dinner with family. Probably invited my aunts and cousins over.

Does your local Wal Mart have benches in them to rest? Yeah.

Was your favorite stuffed animal really a teddy bear growing up? I got more into stuffed animals as I got older to be honest when I started collecting giraffe stuffed animals.

If your house was haunted, what would you do? Uhh I don’t know.

Are you crazy in love currently? No.

Are you good at swimming? No, I can’t swim.

What's worse: Slow internet or slow walkers? Slow internet is suuuuper frustrating.

What is the rudest thing a guy has ever done to you? Use me and play me.

Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? Out.

What do you do to fall asleep faster? I don’t have much say when I fall asleep, but to try and help with that I listen to ASMR.

Do you carry a bottle of water wherever you go? No.

Ae you afraid that one day you might get cancer? It is something I’m afraid of. I’m someone who tends to think it’s always a possibility whenever something is wrong or I’m really sick.

“Letters to Juliet” Are you a fast or slow walker? I’m a fast wheeler.

Do you usually have to wear a belt with your pants? I never wear a belt.

Does it bother you when people's underwear hangs out? Kinda cause as someone in a wheelchair I’m at the level of a lot of people’s behinds lol and yeah, I don’t particularly want to see their underwear. Even worse if their ass is hanging out.

Are you usually the person to try new things with your hair? No.

When's your birthday? July 28th.

Do you own a bobble-head toy? Yes.

What color was the towel you used to dry off with today after a shower? I haven’t showered yet today.

Has anyone ever walked you home? Yeah.

Have you ever liked someone and they were taken? Yes.

When was the last time you went fishing? I’ve only tried it once, briefly. It wasn’t my thing.

True or false: You've read the book Lord of the Flies? True.

Have you heard of the band Yellowcard? Yep. 

Have you ever seen the show Teen Wolf? I never got into it.

Do you have any quotes, lyrics etc on your walls? No. Are you a fan of Star Wars? Yes. I finally caught up on season 2 of The Mandalorian so far last night.

“Our parents never let us cross the street, but we did it anyway” Has anyone ever told you that you have nice hair? Yes.

What brand of camera do you own? I use my iPhone XR.

Is there something you're not looking forward to? My next doctor appointment.

Have you ever read the book Thirteen Reasons Why? Yep, back when I was in high school.

Do you wear white pants? No. I avoid wearing white cause I’m a slob haha.

When was the last time you were really angry? My doctor pisses me off. I don’t know why it’s so hard to get a call back regarding some lab results. I call and they say they’re waiting for the doctor to look over them and they’ll call me back to let me know but ugh it’s been taking days.

Have you ever made a 3 pointer in a basketball game? I’ve never participated in a basketball game.

Do you think you look better with your hair up or down? Down, but I always throw it up because it’s easier to deal with. I don’t have the energy or motivation to style or do anything with it.

Do you warm up before you hardcore exercise? I don’t hardcore exercise. Or exercise at all.

Do you want a pair of Converse shoes? Not currently.

Are you more of a studs or hoops type of person when it comes to earrings? Studs.

How many shirts do you have of your favorite band? Two.

Turn on the TV. What channel are you on? It’s already on, it’s currently on The Hallmark Channel. 

Have you ever wore a tie before? No.

What did you have for breakfast this morning? I haven’t ate anything yet today, it’s only 5:28AM.

“For the Krusty Krab” Are you good at art? Nope, not at all.

How many times have you read your favorite book? I don’t reread books, actually. 

Name one thing that you really hate. My health.

Have you ever tried walking on stilts? No. That would be impossible for me.

Is there a war that you find interesting? I’ve read the most about the Civil War and Abraham Lincoln. Especially for one of my community college history classes because the professor was a big Lincoln buff and I did a paper on Lincoln and the war.

Would you rather live in the city or country? City.

Do you think $7 is too much for a movie ticket? $7 is okay, but our movie tickets are more than that.

Would you like to be a newscast person? No. Fun fact: I was one of the newscasters on my elementary school’s news program when I was in the 7th grade, though. I enjoyed it, it was fun. It was nerve wracking, too, cause I went to a k-8th grade school and the news program played in every single grade/classroom. 

Do you like word searches, coloring or crosswords better? I enjoy word searches and coloring.

Close your eyes and press a random key on the keyboard. j

How many William’s do you know? I don’t know any.

What time did you wake up this morning? It’s 5:34AM, I haven’t gone to bed yet.

Do you enjoy crutches? I’ve never used them, but does anyone actually enjoy them? They’re beneficial and necessary for some, so it’s great that they exist, but I don’t know if anyone actually enjoys them.

What's better: Snapple or Arizona tea? I used to love Arizona teas when I was a teenager. The green tea and the watermelon flavors were my favorite.

Make a word out of the word: Dinosaur. Sound.

“she said I love this song, I’ve heard it before” When you were younger, did you play with legos? Yeah.

Do you like Trix cereal? Yes. I haven’t had it in several years, though.

Do you get nervous easily? Yesss.

How long is your Facebook password? Uh, I’m not sharing that.

Do you like the movie Mean Girls? Yes.

How do you want your wedding to be? I don’t plan on getting married.

Have you seen the movie or show Catfish? Both. I love the tv show.

Do you hate it when you arrive to something early? No, I hate when I arrive to something late.

Have you ever been on Omegle? Yes.

Are you still in love with one of your exes? Nope. I moved on years ago.

Do you think it's attractive when guys wear beanies? It can be, sure.

What's something that makes you feel shy in public? Being in crowded places is one.

Do you like the shows on MTV? I like Catfish and the Teen Mom shows.

If you could go back and relive one day, what day? Hm. I’d have to really think about that if it was just one day.

What's one word you hate to be called? Sensitive. I know I am, but I hate being told “I’m too sensitive.” Plus sometimes it’s like, “no, maybe you’re just mean?” 

[bippityboppitybibuck]

I know this post will likely go no where but in the midst of everything happening in the news (especially with coverage going down on the protests) and the understanding that not being racist isn’t enough and that we all must be anti racist and the fact that white people are raised into a society that is inherently racist and as such we internalize things we don’t even realize and then have to actively go about unlearning those things, I felt like I had a story I could share.

I am white, and middle class, and who at the time of this stories events identified as a straight, cis woman, who was considered neurotypical.

I was 15, in tenth grade, in a good school with a good group of friends, I was the poster child for ‘healthy upbringing’.

I had also had twitter for about a year. Through Twitter I learned what the n-word was, I have no memory of knowing it before that age (something that is a direct result of my privilege). Though twitter had taught me the word it didn’t teach me its meaning. For a long time it was just another word for me. However I eventually came across the “what is your first memory of being discriminated against” post where POC retweeted with their stories of being called atrocious names at an age where I was dealing with nothing more than not understanding why my friends liked Barbie dolls but I liked plastic dinosaurs.

Of course as you could probably guess the N-word was a common part of that thread. I believe that was the first time I realized the word was far more damaging than twitter had led me to believe. For context this happened almost 7 years ago in early 2014 possibly even late 2013. If you remember anything about the twittersphere for teens in 2013/14 you understand what I am talking about in this story.

One day at school I was with my friend at our lockers getting our books, I have no idea what we were talking about but at one point I thought it right to use the n-word, I didn’t though, I got as far as ni- before I switched the word and said my friends name (her name started the same way). I can’t say with certainty why I thought it was right to say the word. It’s easy to blame it on the content I was exposed to on twitter, but I stopped myself from saying and that proves that I already knew it was not a word I should say (not as in it was a curse word equivalent of fuck or shit because I was already saying those).

I’m not writing this to get brownie points for being a ‘good white person’ and not saying the word, I’m writing this to show any white person who thinks they are above the system we were raised in that you aren’t.

I’m a vocal proponent of the black lives matter movement, (despite my location) I march in gun control marches, I march in women’s rights marches and I attend pride with a sign that reminds people that we didn’t always have the freedom we have now. I vote so far left I’m essentially a socialist, I advocate for proper representation in the media for all underrepresented and marginalized groups, I do this and more.

I have spent years unlearning my bias, unlearning the engrained influences that the media I grew up on instilled in me (POC are always the bad guys, mug shots for POC and family portraits for white people- trying to convince me that POC are inherently more dangerous) the fact that this happens shouldn’t be news to anyone because this tactic is in every single facet of media that you can see in normal cable, satellite, the internet. It’s disseminated through everything, you have been exposed to it from infancy (all of your books featured white characters didn’t they? Even that is part of this system)

I took the time to understand what I had been raised in and how it hurt communities that I valued, for some it may start as an understanding that it hurts a friend instead of realizing the broad and overarching scale of the damage done. And I may be putting my foot in my mouth with this but as long as it starts somewhere right? (this is in the same vein as understanding women shouldn’t be harassed but only because you have a daughter, no woman should be harassed no matter her relation to you- you shouldn’t examine your biases because you have a black or brown friend no POC deserves to be a victim of your bias but if having that friend causes you to examine it all a little harder then at least you are examining it).

I knew at the time that the word wasn’t one for me to use at least to some degree, and yet I was going to use it. My friend asked me about right after, wondering if I was about to say the n word and I said no, because in that moment I knew that it was so far past wrong for me to say it that I was ashamed I almost had.

To any white person reading this, you are not above how we were raised, you are not above the system that overwhelming benefits you and those like you. My parents did a hell of a job raising me, but I know they were raised into the same world, and I know that because of that, biases they hold/held were projected onto me as a child, it takes time to unlearn everything, for anyone who suffers/ed from internalized misogyny who has also gone about unlearning it, sometimes you slip up and think that a woman wearing revealing clothes is below you because she’s a ‘slut’ and you know that when that thought crosses your mind you stop it in its tracks and reevaluate.

It is a never ending process, and it is one you must engage in. Listen to black voices, listen to brown voices. Engage in black and brown spaces but understand that it is not a place for you to look for a damn pat on the back for not being a racist, it is not a time to get on a soapbox and wax about how not racist you are - don’t make it about you, you are there to learn that is all. I am a white person I can not speak on what they have experienced at the hands of a system I have taken for granted all my life. If anyone is wondering I have never said the n-word, not in songs, not in memes I’ve read aloud, not ever.

In the same way a man who has never assaulted a woman isn’t somehow an exceptional man I am not an exceptional white person for never saying that word. It is the bare minimum for you to not use the words that are so often hurled at POC as insults, insults that have centuries of history of oppression and genocide behind them. This goes for any word of that caliber, any. They are not yours to use, if you hear someone say them that does not give you a pass to say them as well, if you see a person who shouldn’t be using them use them make it known that that shit doesn’t fucking fly, never has, never will.

Too often we see people apologize for their behaviour only after they’ve received backlash for it. But this only feeds into the system. No one and I do mean no one knows this story except for me, not the friend who was part of it, not my therapist, not a soul. I could have taken this to my grave and no one would be any wiser about it. But that benefits me and me only. And that is part of the problem. Our re-evaluation of our past transgressions shouldn’t come only when people bring it up. Yes you can do it without sharing it like I am but you must do it. It’s one of the first steps into the long long (never ending) process of unlearning things you aren’t even aware you’ve internalized.

It’s 2020, this conversation should have been happening at this scale (in terms of how big it’s been on media outlets) for decades now, but it is happening now, and as such we should all take the time to participate in it.

Hey white people, do me a favour and read this, thanks

[fairiesherefairiesthere]

Fraxus fake Boyfriend AU part 1/?

So it’s Fraxus day, but this isn’t finished yet so I decided to split it up. Here’s part one folks! (it’s a modern au)

"No Freed, you can't hack your father's bank account. The feds will get you and then I will be tragically best friend-less."

"No, you don't get it", Freed says and on the grainy computer screen, Laxus can see him shake his head. "If I go to jail, it'll probably be in Crocus, which means you can actually visit me instead of videocalling me at stupid o'clock in the morning. Also orange is an excellent colour on me."

A quick glance at the lower corner of his screen and a bit of mental math tells Laxus that it's indeed way too early in the morning for Freed to even consider to talk to him. "Justine it's three in the morning there, why are you even awake?"

Although it's hard to tell with the awful videoquality, Laxus thinks he can see the other man pout. "Talking to my bestie, duh", Freed replies and bashes his eyelashes obnoxiously, drawing a huff of laughter out of Laxus. "What are you, a fifteen year old schoolgirl? The lack of sleep is clearly getting to your head."

Smoothly ignoring Laxus' criticism of his horrendous sleeping habits, Freed continues the earlier topic. "Speaking of besties, made any friends yet?" Groaning, Laxus rolls his eyes. "My roommate is an actual nutjob and I don't know why I'm fond of him. He introduced me to his absolute bitch of a friend and I think I like her even more", he confesses and the pixelated image of Freed gives him a smug smirk. "It's because you like to be bullied, Laxus dearest. You won't say it, so I'll say it for you : bottom rights baby."

"I hate you and if you were here I'd smack you", he half-heartedly threatens and Freed replies "Kinky" without missing a beat. While the two of them are engaged in a staring match without actually being able to make out each other's eyes in the blur of colours on the screen, Bickslow throws open Laxus' bedroom door and yells: "Time to hide your porn blondie, it's time for reallife interaction with actual human beings!"

On instinct, Laxus does click away and as soon as the connection with Freed breaks he sees it fit to pout like a child. Their schedules matching (or one of them not sleeping for a day) and their wifi allowing them to see each other is a ridiculously difficult situation to stumble upon and now he's wasted his chance. Bickslow looks at least apologetic. Laxus was going to forgive him, until he opened his godforsaken mouth. "Dang man, the porn that good?"

"I hate you too", he says without clarifying to Bickslow who the other despised person is. He doesn't seem to mind as he plucks Laxus' computer from his bed, plops it down the nearby desk and sits himself down right in front of Laxus, legs in lotus position and bouncing with way too much energy. "I had a great idea", he announces and Laxus immediately doubts him.

"You see Ever and I, we thought you were a bit lonely and it might heal your soul to... Nah, scratch all of that, Ever and I were really fucking bored and we thought : Hey, let's set our absolute bestie up on a date! So here we are. Get dressed, you're going on a date."

"I can't", he says and desperately tries to come up with a reason. Uni work won't fool them, because they know that he's actually a good student, other activities won't work either because he's a social recluse and not even Makarov can save him because for some reason, the little shits he calls friends are all buddy-buddy with his grandpa.

"My boyfriend would hate it", he continues, cheeks colouring. It's because of the lying, not because he can only come up with one boyfriend-candidate in his mind. The statement is bland and straight to the point, which makes his words sound all the more true. Of course, Bickslow doesn't even buy a little bit of it. "Prove it", he demands.

While mentally apologising to Freed, Laxus digs up his contact information and futily tries to call him. After the third time trying, Bickslow looks even less convinced, which is an impressive feat considering he didn't believe Laxus from the beginning. Sighing, he goes to their chat instead and unlike their usual nonsense, he finds a sweet (?) message from Freed.

Damn, the wifi is really fucking with us huh? Wish we could talk more and I wish I could see your pretty face instead of a black screen and some smudges of colour here. X from the most beautiful man you know."

'Conceited brat', he thinks fondly and replies: Cymbeline (Act 3, Scene 4) Line 35-39, but replace 'slander' with 'you bitch'. They've adopted this weird system where Freed uses slang and Laxus literary references, just to meet each other's vibes somewhat. Sometimes it works, most of the times it really doesn't, but at least it's fun.

"Bro have you forgotten about my entire existence already? Stop smiling at your phone and admit that you don't have a mans!" Wordlessly, Laxus passes his phone to Bickslow who gasps. "Book quotes? Shit man, you're in deep. I'm gonna tell Ever." Without a warning, Bickslow disappears through the window, probably giving Evergreen her twentieth heart attack of this month by landing on her balcony. If the school thought a floor would seperate girls and boys, then they clearly hadn't met Bickslow.

Too late Laxus realises that Bicks has taken his phone with him and hopes his friends somewhat value his privacy and don't scroll too far up. There are the occassional way too deep talks around midnight but also a one time onceler x barry b benson bdsm roleplay (Freed had needed help with a creative writing assignment and Laxus had contributed a whole lot of nothing).

Barely five minutes later, Evergreen marches right into his bedroom, heels clicking snappily on his floor. "What", she spits and waves with his phone, "is this?"

"My cellphone."

Unperturbed, she continues her dramatic rant. "You have a boyfriend and you don't bother telling us?" Her tone turns sly and she elegantly flops down on his bed, rearranging her body to give herself a 'stern posture'. She looks like an irod rod trying to do yoga. "Or are you just making things up? Feel free to prove me wrong by showing us what he looks like."

"Why would I bring my photoalbums to uni?" he asks dumbfounded and Ever looks at him as though he just came down from Mars. "Laxus, honey, snapchat is a thing? Email if you're oldfashioned? Where are your boyfriend's nudes?"

"You're in a relationship."

"With a great guy who loves and trusts me and knows I ain't gonna cheat on him. Show me the dickpicks." Annoyed, he gives her a little shove. "I don't have any, I'm used to him being around. He's on another continent now and I just recently realised that all my memorabilias are at home."

"Convenient", Ever remarks dryly and Laxus sighs deeply and stretches out his hand. After she dumped his phone in it, he sends Freed a message ('Bro send me a pic of u ppl wanna know u exist') and shows it to both of his friends. "There."

Surprisingly fast, he gets a message back. 'No. The paparazzi and the FBI agent assigned to me will have to try harder than that to get a hold of ME (why is this man so ridiculous).' He shows it to Ever and Bicks and the former uses this opportunity to snatch his phone, typing a response before Laxus can properly register what's happening. "Hi I'm Laxus friend and I don't believe you're his boyfriend. Send a thirst trap to prove you exist. Or nudes", she reads aloud. Bickslow guffaws at that and Laxus sighs, resigning himself to face the consequences of his actions. What he does not expect however, is for Freed to send a picture back.

It's an awful photo of high school-aged Freed, complete with braces and a very unnatural smile. He's gangly, thin and looks like the walking embodiment of an awkward teen. 'This is a nude, as my soul has never been as bare as in this one picture', the caption reads and Ever laughs. "You know what, he passes the test." She purses her lips. "For now at least, I'm going to need more concrete evidence of this being an existing human being, because everyone can pluck a photo from the internet. Anyway, you're way too late for your date, so you get off easy Laxus."

After brushing nonexistent dirt from her skirt she opens her arms for Bickslow. "Take me home, spiderman", she orders and he gives her a salute. "Roger madame!" he yells before plucking Ever from the floor and leaping over the balcony railing. Their trust in each other is remarkable, but Laxus does think they're weirdos.

The very next day, Ever once again bursts through his door and Laxus mentally curses because he hasn't had the chance to discuss this whole thing with Freed yet. "Laxus", she says, voice dead-serious. "Evergreen.", he greets back as she half-crawls under the covers of his bed. "It's fucking cold", she clarifies before opening her laptop. That seemingly insignificant action makes Laxus weary, as Ever is holding her rickety laptop that's for illegal purposes only.

"I reverse searched that pic of your boyfriend and before I tell you the results, I'd like to know how exactly you met him."

He recognises her nosiness for what it really is (worry) and with a sigh, he gives her the sparknotes version of their history.

"We lived in the same town and we became friends because both of our fathers were absolute shit. They were friends so we became friends. At age thirteen he moved to Alakitasia and we reconnected because we matched on that stupid tinder profile you guys made me."

"Are you sure you weren't catfished?"

"Yup, because we skype regularly."

"Okay. Then certainly you're aware that he's a billionaire? Like, the heir to Justine Industries, the biggest technologie giant at the moment?"

He tries to see the whole situation from her perspective and has to admit that 'I have a boyfriend overseas, who's also a billionaire', sounds a bit too over the top to be true. "Yep, his pa's job is the reason he moved. I know this whole situation sounds like a huge lie to stop you guys' antics (probably because it is), but I swear it's true (it really isn't)."

"Okay then", she mumbles before putting her feet into Laxus' lap. The audicity of this woman, he thinks as he does absolutely nothing to move her. "I'm sorry for the whole 'setting you up' thing, it was rude of us. We just wanted you to have someone, you know? Because you deserve it and we can also see that you kind of want it and we wanted to help. We were too overzealous."

Ah, what a festive feeling brews in his chest. Nothing like a bucket of guilt to get your morning refreshment. The worst part is that Evergreen isn't even done yet with her sentimental speech. "Also, you get really happy whenever your man sends you a message, so all in all I'm glad our big plans didn't work out. I'm still going to be weary of  his actual existence until I meet him, I hope you don't mind." He shakes his head. "Nah, be weary all you want."  

After dropping Evergreen off at her boyfriend's, he rushes to his room to send Freed a message to update him on his situation (he even uses the actual sms-system instead of the internet, which is crazy expensive but he's in a bit of a panic). Unlike most of the time, Freed responds quickly. Laxus wonders why his wifi is absolute shit if he's rich enough to pay for intercontinential messaging. An agonising five minutes pass as the speech bubble ominously keeps showing that the other is typing. When it finally shows up, all it reads is :

"Lol"

"That's all you have to say?" he furiously types back, but before he can hit send, he gets another message. "Whatever man, I'll be the hottest boyfriend ever." After that, it's radio silence again.

The silence between them is broken a few days later. Laxus is trying to enjoy his lunch while Bickslow and Evergreen bicker over something or other, when his phone pings. Little gremlins that they are, they've already looked at the message as soon as it pops up. They read the godawful collection of words "Send me a pic of your feet" before he does.

"Romance at its finest", Bickslow dryly jokes and Evergreen turns to him with big worried eyes. "You're sure he's not a catfish? Or is this what you consider a raunchy picture?" Laxus would answer if he knew what the fuck is happening. Another message appears :  "With measuring tapes surrounding them, not in a weird, gross, fifty year old with a feet kink kind of way. I want to spoil my boyfriend (with my father's creditcard)."

"Aw how sweet, he's committing crimes for ya", Bickslow croons and Laxus grumbles. "I'm not about to give him anymore excuses to commit theft.", he says while typing "Absolutely not." At the other side of the table Evergreen collects her phone from her bag and opens Instagram. After looking for and finding Freed's profile, she sends him a selfie with Laxus and Bickslow in the background and adds a thoughtful message detailing Laxus' feet. "Honey, you need shoes that fit you. No stores have your size and if your insanely rich boyfriend's dad can involuntarily provide, why not take the chance?"

A few days later, the shoes do arrive. They're the most comfortable pair Laxus has ever owned and there's no obnoxious trademarked name smacked on it. He thanks Freed, but asks him to please not do something along those lines again. Knowing full well that Freed himself would never be financially bothered by it, he still feels guilty. Freed apologises (he really shouldn't, he's been nothing but an angel while Laxus is being bothersome) and drops the matter.

"Where are you rn?" The message feels somewhat ominous, but Laxus ignores his gutfeeling that tells him that today is going to be weird. "The western outside food court of Crocus' uni, why?" The response that he gets is a simple :  " :) ". Like a dumbass, he decides to not question it.

While he's chilling out, head resting on his crossed arms, he hears an unusual amount of chattering. Although he and his friends had chosen this place because of how little people came here, it seems like that peace is now gone. Rest in peace, piece. Vibrating bothersomely, his phone grabs his attention. "Got ya another present!" Brows furrowing, Laxus reads the new incoming message : "Kids and their phones these days. Look up darling !"

[purplesurveys]

706

What weird food combinations do you enjoy? I’m willing to experiment mayonnaise with most food. I also dip my fries in hot fudge sundae and because I’m Filipino I have to have my fried chicken paired with banana ketchup. Where do you get your news? Usually from the Twitter and Facebook handles of my go-to news outlets. My dad is also the only one who turns on the TV in the dining area so whenever he’s home and watches the evening news I get to hear the reports as well. What social stigma does society need to get over? HIV/AIDS, dating or marrying the same sex, tattoos... even breastfeeding is a fucking stigma lmao. So many people are babies. What is the best/worst prank that you've played on someone? I hate being the victim of pranks so I never pull them on anyone. What was the last photo you took? My dog jumping up to ask for food last night.

What makes you roll your eyes every time you hear it? Lately our president has been wanting to give nightly addresses on TV every midnight so when I hear another announcement from the government I just roll my eyes because I know it’s gonna be another hour-long speech that not only has absolutely zero substance to it, but made everyone unnecessarily stay up that late. What are you currently worried about? I’m worried about my remaining academic requirements. With the suspension of online classes and the lockdown being extended until April 30 (which is virtually the end of the semester), I have no idea what’s gonna become of our academic calendar and my grades – and the status of my graduation.

A notable school in the country already mass-promoted (read: passed) all their students and is planning to give tuition fee refunds since only two months of the sem were used. It’s honestly the most responsible thing to do for now and I hope all other universities follow suit.

Do you think aliens exist? I believe we aren’t the only ones alive out here but I also don’t think they look like the creatures books or movies have made them out to be. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? Meh, was never a fan of anything mythical/mythological. What are you interested in that most people aren't? Pro wrestling. In my 15 years of being a fan I’ve only found literally a handful of people (at least who are also Filipino) who shared the same passion or amount of interest as I have. It’s just never been a popular topic or fanbase here so I never get to bring it up – and I’m afraid to bring it up because people seem to judge anyone still into wrestling these days. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? My most pointless purchase was a pink bar of soap with lettering that says “Gay Bar.” It’s a novelty item at best and I never needed to buy it, but I had money that day so I did and now it’s gathering dust in one of my drawers. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The PS1 start-up noise is a big candidate. If given the oppurtunity to open a museum, what kind would you create? They have museums about everything now, so I think it’d be a good idea to turn to my roots and make an ancestral house instead and have it in our home province. My family has a rich history and it’d be a waste if we allowed ourselves to forget. When was the last time you immediately regretted what you said? I think last night? We were having pork belly bought from outside for dinner and I was talking about how good it tasted and that it was the best thing I’ve had in a while. I forgot my dad has been cooking us a different meal every single day since the quarantine started and they all have tasted amazing as well. After I realized what I said I felt like shit and immediately downplayed the pork belly so that he didn’t feel left out. What's the silliest thing you've seen someone get upset about? My mom is a champion of this list lmao, there’s so much stupid shit she’s thrown a fit over. The most ridiculous one happened last year when my sister sprained her ankle and my mom would not help her walk around and even walked faster than the rest of us. It was like she was purposely leaving us behind, which confused and pissed me off. Anyway I was left assisting Nina as she hobbled on. Eventually I caught up to my mom and asked her to slow down and to be with us and to help my sister walk. Apparently it was enough to piss her off and the whole ride home she was yelling at me and legitimately sobbing about how humiliated she was when I called her out because she thinks people overheard and are judging her for it. I mean if you’re afraid of getting judged isn’t that proof you know you did something shitty?

The sermon also turned personal and she started screaming about how I was a horrible daughter and that I’ve never done anything right, and that I was a disappointment, and that I was straying further from God everyday and she could see the horns growing on my head. How’s that for abusive? What was the best thing that happened to you today? I finally finished the level I’ve been stuck on in Mario Kart 8 and now I’m officially done with the game. I’ve never finished any video game before so it feels pretty bitching!!!!!!!!! Do you consider yourself a good cook? I don’t even consider myself a cook. What's the dumbest thing someone has argued with you about? ^ The thing I just talked about, even though it wasn’t technically an argument because my mom didn’t let me talk throughout.

The next dumbest thing I could think of is probably when my grown-ass aunt fought me back when I was 13 on whether Beyoncé lip-syncs or not. It was a random family discussion and I was just talking about how much I like Beyoncé and she not only stole my thunder by picking a fight with me, but she also made me feel bad about something I loved lol. She was so insistent that she lip-syncs and was so hungry for an argument, I didn’t understand why?????? so I just dropped it and rolled my eyes at my dad. IT’S SO DUMB RIGHT What did you google last? Information I needed for an article I’m currently writing. What fashion trend makes you cringe or laugh everytime you see it? Skirts paired with either denim jeans or leggings, and short vests. All the Disney stars wore them and it was the epitome of fashion for us at the time aaaahhhhhhahahahahaha. What's your favorite holiday movie? LOVE ACTUALLY. For sure. I’d also say It’s A Wonderful Life but it has some very low points that ruins the Christmas-yness for me. How ambitious are you? I’m pretty ambitious and also a bit of a perfectionist, but I’m also aware of my limits and I don’t always jump onto tasks feeling confident. I know what I’m capable of so if I’m faced with something I know other people can be better at, I’ll consciously be less ambitious at it cos I usually let my insecurity get in the way. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? As someone who’s always thrived on being an introvert, the last few months and years have taught me that I CAN talk to people if I have to? And they’re not scary? I had little hope for myself prior to my internship - but it ended up being fun and I met a lot of awesome new people. I also never thought I’d get to write articles solely because I hate interviewing people - but my sources have all been nothing but nice to me. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’ve always doubted my ability to talk to people and dive in to unfamiliar scenarios, but when I do either it’s always turned out to be great experiences for me.

What topic could you spend forever talking about? If we’re going for what’s been the most recent hot topic, it would be the government’s incompetence in dealing with COVID-19 so far. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? Over. What word is a lot of fun to say? I dunno. I don’t think of words in terms of how fun they are to say. Maybe curse words? HAHAHA If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? Assuming the internet is nothing to worry about, I’d watch all the series I’ve long planned on watching but can’t because Netflix does a big pull on the entire household’s connection. Are you usually early or late? Early or on time. There is no ‘late’ for me. What do you wish you knew more about? The future. Not knowing the answers to it is so irritating/boring to me. What is the most annoying question you've been asked? Asking if I go to rallies/am an activist/am part of the NPA just because of the school I come from. None of those things are bad at all, but I’ve always been annoyed at the stereotyping. How different was your life 1 year ago? I wasn’t graduating yet then. And I was OUTSIDE MOST DAYS because there wasn’t any fucking virus. What movie title best describes your life? Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, except I literally have to be stuck at home. What was the last lie you told? Telling my groupmates I had some family stuff at home to fix before getting started on our group project, but really I had to take a bath first because I wanted to feel fresh while working. It’s a minor lie, but it still made me feel bad. What type of music do you listen to? It’s usually varied but my go-to genres are indie pop, electropop, alternative rock, punk rock, *some* indie, R&B, and pop.

Are you a good listener? Yeah, it’s why I prefer to be one than a talker. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Cookies and cream or some peanut butter/chocolate concoction. Do you think you're brave? I can be. Just not about everything. What are you most grateful for in your life? The relatively comfortable life we live considering where we live. And that covers everything from the food we eat, the schools we’ve been sent to, where we get to travel (or the fact that we can travel at all), etc.

What was the worst phase in your life? My rebellious, no-one-understands-me, angsty teen phase when I was 12-13 and my time readjusting in college when I was 18-19. What is a relationship deal breaker for you? Verbal abuse. What are some things that give you complete peace of mind? Staying in coffee shops, driving at midnight, views of the skyline at night, staying on the rooftop at night and being under the stars... I just like a lot of things about the night. Would you like to explore another planet? Yesssssss. Who was your favorite cartoon character as a child? Spongebob. Cosmo from The Fairly Oddparents comes at a close second. What would you do if you were the president of your own country? Right now? I’d assure people everything was being taken care of – mass testing, support for doctors, provision of PPEs and free transportation for frontliners, making all the senators (who are all expectedly not doing anything, save for one) work their asses off, put part of the P275B fund to assist middle- and lower-class people who can’t  – instead of imposing shoot-to-kill orders for the military to anyone criticizing the government or rambling about absolutely fucking nothing in nation addresses.

[qqueenofhades]

I have a personal question. So am an almost 30 year old history degree haver who has recently been realizing that I might be more bi than previously anticipated. I have described myself as such to my roommate and some close friends, but I am not really sure that I count. Or that I should. I know you were around my age when you realized and had also not had a girlfriend yet. So I guess my question is “how does one verify if they really are bi?” And not just easily distracted by the (part 1)

Part 2 and not just distract by the frankly gorgeous women in Hollywood. Like I don’t have any women in my real life I want to date, but I also currently have no men I want to date, and I know I like them. But Brie Larson could top me any day she wanted. So, does that count?

Oh, honey. (I hope it’s not weird if I call you that, since we’re about the same age, but just think about it as me in my salty-but-kindly-spinster-internet-aunt capacity.)

The good news is: there is absolutely no test or external confirmation or set of credentials that you have to pass or that you have to adhere to in order to legitimately identify as bisexual (or frankly, whatever the hell you want). If you experience attraction to both men and women: congrats, you are fully free to identify as bisexual. It doesn’t mean a 50-50 split; it can be 80/20 or 90/10 or whatever else. It can shift back and forth. There are a lot of studies being done these days about how human sexuality is a shifting spectrum and how increasingly large percentages of under-40 people identify themselves as not attracted exclusively to one gender (aka the first generation to grow up with awareness of alternatives to Compulsory Heterosexuality, and thus perhaps more confident in feeling things that otherwise had to be ignored). But there is, unfortunately, a lot of gatekeeping in the LGBT community about who can “rightfully” identify as part of it, and still a frankly depressing amount of biphobia. So if you have encountered those kinds of messages, or encounter them in the future, please do know that they are total crap and the only person who has any right to make any call on your personal identity is you.

You can fully identify as bisexual without having had experiences with the same gender. The legitimacy of your identity is not tied to performativity. If you have sexual feelings and fantasies about Brie Larson (and frankly, I imagine many of us have?) and other beautiful women, that means you experience attraction to your own gender as well as the opposite, and that makes you bisexual. (If you want that label, of course.) Frankly, I went through something similar with Gal Gadot, and when I was able to think back over my years of thoughts about how attractive other women were, I saw that I had always dismissed it as “all straight women have these thoughts” or “it just means I want to look that way myself.” It wasn’t even that I was exposed to a ton of overt homophobia or anything like that which would complicate the process, it’s just that kids in the 21st century West, with relatively few exceptions, grow up assuming that everyone is straight and that they are too. I did experience some crushes on men, so there wasn’t any reason to investigate, and I don’t even think it really crossed my mind. I was a sheltered kid growing up in an intermittently religious family (although that went away a long time ago) and it just wasn’t talked about. I discovered the concept of LGBT people through reading slash fanfiction as a young teenager. I’ve mentioned before how fanfiction taught me about sex, because aside from like….. two mortifyingly embarrassing conversations with my parents, it was never discussed at all.

Anyway, all that stuff went on in the background throughout my childhood, and I grew up, and a few years ago I was filling in one of those forms that want to know your sexual identity, and was like….. I can’t put heterosexual because it’s not true. It was such a relief to figure out and things made sense and I have really never done anything heterosexual in my life and yet still thought I was. It’s just that it’s posited as the overwhelming default and it takes a lot of self-reflection and bravery to overcome that. Some kids know instantly at the age of 3 or 4, some in their early teens, some as adults, some even as senior citizens. There is not a “right” time to know for yourself, and there is not then a corresponding obligation to come out of the closet, unless you want to. I told my sister, who was also my childhood best friend, in summer 2017, and I told my parents that Christmas, and they were all very supportive and it was no problem at all. But at the same time, I told them that I didn’t want it passed around the extended family, because…. well, all my cousins are Married With Children ™ and that is just not a life I see for myself. Not that I think they’d really have an issue with it (and I’m lucky in that regard) but it’s… not their business.

I have started attending Pride the last couple years and of course I work on queer history as an academic, and I feel a strong affiliation with my identity, because it explains a lot of things about how the way I have always been and it feels right, whether or not I end up with a partner (and honestly, if I married anyone, it would almost certainly be a woman). I am probably on the ace spectrum as well because I generally prefer my own company and have never properly dated anyone. Maybe this happens, maybe it doesn’t, but it doesn’t make me any different. Sometimes I wonder if I should identify as a lesbian because I have long periods of very little or no attraction to men, but then I remember that I do find some of them attractive, and it’s like “hmm, still bi.”

Anyway. The point is: You can and should choose what feels right for you. If you want to say you’re bi, or feel that you are, then you are! Nobody gets to police or gatekeep that from you. If you don’t want to say you are, you don’t have to. But from the tone of your question, it sounds to me like you want to know if you’re doing it right or if you’re justified in calling yourself bi because you think that you would like to and to explore that, and in that case: please, please believe me that nobody has any right to make that decision but you. It was a huge relief for me and it hopefully would be for you as well. If you have a supportive group of friends/family, that is also good, but at least at your age, I imagine you aren’t living with your parents/aren’t dependent on their approval. So again, identify as who you are and what feels right, and see what happens.

I am honored that you came to me with this question, and it’s a good time for it, since Pride month has just started (at least in the US). Just know that I support you and I am here if you want to ask more things. I will see what I can do.

[reistellae]

A really really long reflection 2/3

The second part in my long, reflective essay. If you haven’t read part 1 (it’s a snooze admittedly), lemme summarize: racism within American society is long and runs deep, it will not be erased overnight; in pop culture and entertainment, Asians/Asian-Americans have never been taken seriously in post-WWII America; the rise in popularity of anime and jpop and the Internet eventually leading to the globalization of kpop. We are currently at 2016.

We last left off in 2016, where BTS was gaining some major traction worldwide. During this time, other kpop groups were making their moves in the States. GOT7 had their FLY Tour shows in the United States July 1-11th 2016 and were doing tons of press interviews to promote the concert. The kpop convention + concert (KCON) had steadily been growing in popularity since its first con in 2012 with a 2016 lineup that featured Seventeen, BTOB, Ailee, Crush, Dynamic Duo, BTS, Day6, Mamamoo, and Eric Nam at the New York convention and  Amber, SHINee, Block B, Dean, GFriend, IOI, Girls Generation TTS, BTS, Eric Nam, Twice, Monsta X, and Astro in at the LA convention. EXO had their EXO’lu’Xion Concerts in the States from February 10-21st, 2016. 

All in all, it became very clear that kpop had an audience in the United States and it wasn’t listened to by just Asian-Americans anymore. The audience became diverse, with people of all ages finding groups that appealed most to them. 2016 saw the year of the announcement of One Direction’s indefinite hiatus, which meant there were teenagers and young adults who were looking for new things to listen to, causing a small shift in fandom culture. I say small because kpop fans and Directioners famously had a lot of conflict, particularly on Twitter, and many Directioners would be xenophobic and racist towards kpop fans and their favorite groups with comments such as “You listen to ching chong music,” “You can’t even understand what they’re saying,” and so on, so I think the overlap between Directioners and kpop fans was very minimal. 5 Seconds of Summer, another popular band in the West, had announced a hiatus around 2016/17 and I believe this was where a lot of new fans came from. 5SOS had an audience of relatively “emo” and “edgy” teens who look for something different and tend to be more open minded, against the “mainstream” groups like One Direction. A lot of 5SOS fans shifted into kpop during the band’s hiatus, from what I’ve seen on Twitter.

However, racism is not just an American problem, it’s global. And within kpop and South Korean culture, racism and colorism run almost just as deep. This was no secret to many Asian-American/non-Korean Asian fans or to black fans. Many groups have incidents of blackface, saying colorist comments, allegations of cultural appropriation, and saying n*gga. A common defense fans would come up with when confronted with the scandal would say “they didn’t know any better,” “they don’t have black people in Korea,” “get over it, it isn’t hurting you,” and many more excuses. As a result, this tends to cause a divide between black kpop fans and non black kpop fans. The discussions of racism within kpop tend to go one-sided, with black kpop fans feeling as though they are silenced and ignored by other fans, idols, and companies. Pop culture in America often takes things from African American culture and acts like they are “new” and “fresh” and “trendy” which leads to kpop idols adopting these things as well to seem cooler. 

Back on BTS, they were no strangers to racist scandals. Leader RM debuted with a fro-hawk-like style, did a rather poor imitation of Stevie Wonder while wearing dreads and sunglasses, and said that he was surprised with how dark fellow members were when he first met them. No formal apology directly stating what he had done was ever issued, so it can be assumed that Bighit Entertainment, the company in charge of BTS, brushed it off. Despite this, the fandom would continue to grow on their main platform of Twitter. 

Twitter is the most immediate way to find people who have common interests as you and to keep up with your favorite celebrities and BTS established early on that they were good at keeping up. Posting little videos of day to day life, interacting with fans often, and posting selcas almost daily, ARMYs were able to feel close to BTS through these interactions. ARMYs would also find other ARMYs and they built a community full of fandom jokes, fanart, fanfiction, and so on. The momentum continued into 2017 with the release of WINGS and its repackage You Never Walk Alone. The MVs for Blood, Sweat, and Tears and Not Today broke Youtube records at the time and they were to go on to another world tour for WINGS. 

2017 is also when some major issues within the fandom began being discussed. Stan culture within itself wasn’t new and while it provided positives such as giving people a community online, it was unforgiving to those who were not within the fandom. ARMYs had a history of fanwars against the other biggest fandom, EXO-Ls and both have done terrible things to each other. In late 2017, African-American rapper CupcakKe had tweeted stating that she would like to have sex with member Jungkook. Subsequently, ARMYs harassed her and said everything in regards to her size, to her being black, and slutshaming her. The abuse was so bad that she deleted her Twitter for some time.* RM and African-American rapper Wale collaborated on a track and some ARMYs accused Wale of just using RM/BTS for clout. Around the same time, however, BTS themselves were making progress within the United States. They had been invited to the Billboard Music Awards to accept an award for Top Social Artist and that same year performed DNA at the American Music Awards, both firsts for a South Korean group. 

*I’m ending this part here because as I was checking the dates for the CupcakKe incident, I watched a video which talked about when CupcakKe returned to Twitter to call out the double standards of how fans can tweet things like “I want Taehyung to cum on my face for 365 days” without a blink but when she says “I want to jungkook to fuck me,” she gets harassed. I made the crackhead choice of checking the comments and I was honestly disgusted. Here’s some screencaps of what I read: 

Now I obviously am trying to remain completely unbiased in this history rundown and will hopefully give my full opinion in the final reflection, but this shit is what disgusts me. CupcakKe is a grown ass woman and uses her social media however she damn well pleases. Literally her whole brand is about a big, beautiful black woman being openly sexual and clearly these commenters and those who upvoted don’t understand that. They do not understand the actual trauma black people have to deal with when they are called dehumanizing things, especially as a public figure on social media. “Oh she’s just looking for attention,” “Ignore this and vote for Mama!” It literally has my blood boiling as I’m typing this. THIS is why black women feel unsafe talking about their experiences with racism, slut shamed, double standards, etc. Because NO MATTER WHAT, people will try to silence them. And yes, I know it’s a small fraction of the fandom but the fact that there’s even HUNDREDS of people who think similarly really is telling. And I looked at the replies too and not many people were actually defending her AT ALL and those who were weren’t getting much love.

Anyway, part three will be coming probably tomorrow. I’m drained.

Part Three