#who the fuck sent this

[candiedapplez]

why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food

So inspirational im saving this as my lock screen

[somewhereincairparavel]

i will never understand how people have the heart to hate Jason even after they found out that his Ambrosia tastes like fucking sawdust. Ambrosia being tasty is like one single happy thing a demigod can have despite their tragic lives, because it reminds them of the home they once had, but lost. And Jason doesn't even have that, he doesn't even have a home to lose in the first place.

[lxvvie]

fuck nasty!Ghost who shows you how much he misses you.

You were out running errands, leaving Simon, home from his latest deployment, to his own devices. All was going well—so you thought—until you heard the telltale ping of your phone and saw that he had texted you.

Simon probably needed you to pick something up for him on the way home. Mm. Doable. You opened the text under that innocent assumption.

And you know what they say about making assumptions.

Because right there in front of your very eyes was a picture of underwear. Your underwear. Your favorite pair of underwear. Your favorite pair of underwear you'd been searching for while you were getting dressed this morning.

They were covered in cum. Simon's cum.

You receive another text not even a second later: Miss you, sweetheart.

It was a miracle you didn't drop your phone.

[stellarynn]

You're in a meaningless hypothetical competition and your opponent comes out with this, wyd?

[deep-space-lines]

okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.

yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything

((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))

and then they fucked nasty the end

[aljeensane]

“How long will I have to be here? Forever?”

[cubbihue]

the plot on earth: happening. everyone crowing around the lore: okay but tell us more about pixie office shenanigans please

Once, a new Pixie intern accidentally ordered Blue-White paper with 97 Brightness instead of Cream-White paper with 98 Brightness. It sent the entire Pixies Corporation into an uproar, and they tried to take over Fairyworld as a result. Y'know. To ban Blue-White paper from existence.

It took weeks for Jorgen to resolve it all and bring the Pixies back in line. After that event, interns had to take a 2-course seminar on the differences of printer paper quality before being tasked to order more printer paper.

Bitties Series: [Start] > [Previous] > [Next]

[0vergrowngraveyard]

city boy cant understand a damn thing his pirate brother is saying

[the-meme-monarch]

what if i Entirely made up another relationship but with the express intent that they Don’t get together actually. this started out as a lol an lmao even but honestly i think i needed this. cathartically

based on the tags of my post here

👍if you ship scc go away

[lucabyte]

hi. fellow homestuck. sif/loop/isa. ashen with isa as auspistice. do you see my vision.

oh buddy its worse than just that i fear

anyway quadrants this quadrants that how about we fucking remember that the vacillation can fall out of lockstep . can we talk about the vacillation for a second can w

(i am forcibly removed from the post)

[idyllcy]

Concept: Jaime having a lot of left over adrenaline from a fight so he fucks the reader up against the nearest wall

post-fight. - jaime reyes x reader (nsfw warning!)

it happens more often than Jaime admits, but less often than you complain to him about it for.

Jaime has you pressed against the back of the wall in some run-down alleyway, only half of his suit deactivated as he's rutting into you desperately, the sweat and blood still on the back of his armor, his sweat running down his sides as you cling onto his biceps for life, exhausted panting and whimpers slipping past your lips as you stare at him disappear into you with a lewd squelch each time.

"I'm sorry." He whimpers into your ear. "You just— looked so good, mi vida, I just—"

You moan as he presses his lips to yours, desperate to muffle the moans coming out of your mouth, yet wanting to keep listening to them. Maybe swallowing them would work.

It doesn't, but Jaime does get the reward of you biting his bottom lip as he feels you spasm around him, your orgasm ripping through your body as you gush around him, and Jaime only speeds up to chase after his own high, pulling from your lips to tell you how pretty you were, whimpering and moaning quietly over you, eyes raking your body to see how dazzling you were when covered in a layer of sheen from the sweat.

and when he feels his own orgasm rip through him, chest pressed to yours as he gasps into your ear, he makes sure to clean you up, tongue pressed to your you, drunk on the taste of you and him mixed together, hums from his chest shooting up your spine and causing your fingers to fly to his hair, whimpering.

and when he finishes, his suit finally comes off completely as he holds you in his arms, mumbling into your ear about how good you were for him, how he was sorry for taking the adrenaline out on you again, pressing you to his chest as he lets you fall limp in his hold and get some well-deserved rest, he presses a kiss to your forehead and takes care of the rest. After all, it's the least he can do for you.

reblogs are appreciated ( •́ω<;)✧

[ohhamlet-art]

One last black bird without a place to be turns around, in hopes to find the place it last knew rest.

[ryan-sometimes]

I don’t know what’s weirder, the fact that my uncle had his phone stolen and the people who stole his phone sent all the pictures and videos of him having sex with a woman that wasn’t his wife on the family group chat, or the fact that no one in my family seemed to care?? As my grandma recounted this story at the dinner table, literally everyone in my family was laughing hysterically??

[hughmanbean]

The Nurturing Queen and the Greedy Duke

Credit to @sky00asara in this post for this idea I love guys who are moms (if you get what I mean) This will follow the same rough story beats but will still have a little of my own flair.

The Nuturing Queen, Mother of the Wandering Princess and Erratic Prince, has been said to provide protection and inspire devotion to all who come across her. Praised as Balance and Duality personified, she is a large influence and very commonly mentioned in every scroll, book, art piece, and all magic artifacts that Constantine has seen. He's heard from so many beings of how great she is, her feats, and her being the largest connection between the Unknown Realms and Earth.

Here comes the problem. The Nurturing Queen has an enemy who's been around just as long as she has, who's also been seen not long after wherever she goes, chasing her trail and lurking. The Greedy Duke. He wishes to have her as his own, and take the throne to himself, subsequently plunging the Unknown Realms into chaos. Whenever he confronts the Nurturing Queen, legendary battles commence, and he is beat back.

But now, things are going wrong. The Lazurus Pits have been reported as acting, well, erratic. The Erratic Prince, some beings say, has been seen discussing things with the Greedy Duke. They fear his loyalties may not lie with his family.

A shift has been felt in the magics community. Unknown Realms Beings have ventured into Earth, either out of curiosity or to wreak havoc. Now, at the watchtower, JLD work out how to summon a being and demand to know what's going on, the rest of the Justice League desperate.

When they finally do summon one, they're launched into the Unknown Realms as an answer, told to "Find our Queen" as the being dissappears. They're on a floating island in a green void.

[hooned]

if your first reaction to a kpop idol dating or even just to rumors of them being in a relationship is HURT ? or DISAPPOINTMENT ? check yourself coz that shit is not okay. you’ll try to tell yourself your feelings are valid but they’re not. there’s a line and this is it.

imagine not being happy for someone else’s happiness ? YOU DONT WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY THAT’S WHAT IT IS. you’re selfish. period. u dont want seeing them with the opposite sex ? THAT’S WEIRD (DEROGATORY). swallow the fucking pill.

[kacievvbbbb]

You know what? the best supernatural spin off would have nothing to do with the Winchesters and instead would be about Samuel motherfucking Colt because dude absolutely had something going on. And was tripping absolute balls all the fucking time

Dude not only builds a literal kills almost all gun (that no one knows how it works exactly), he also built a fucking devil’s gate and the series of railroad tracks that formed a giant devils trap in the middle of fucking nowhere Wyoming that was somehow also a great fucking hotspot to talk with Lucifer in the cage. Why the fuck would he build a devil’s gate and then the devil trap protecting it? Why could this dude not be normal? Not to mention He also fought a Phoenix!!! A Phoenix! The only Phoenix that has ever been reported to exist and whose ashes are the only thing that can kill the literal mother of all monsters. Which he somehow mails to Sam and Dean in the future using a phone from several years in the future that he literally just got earlier that afternoon.

Dude was on some serious shit. Man was definitely receiving the most violently random prophetic visions from god. Dude literally went, it came to me in a dream and built a weapon that’s literally still confounding people generations later and would function as a key to a fucking devils gate that would literally be the first step in so much shit going down in so little time generations later . Wouldn’t have even surprised me if they also said he was responsible for Ruby’s knife.

He also, most importantly, is from the wild wild fucking west!!! How cool would a show about that be? A fucking genius inventor hunts monsters in the Wild West while some being he knows nothing about but deeply suspects is giving him blueprints for big, wild things and weapons for how to stop them, or at least slow them down.