#who only wanted someone to love her enough to kill her

[questionablecuttlefish]

Okay Fine Let's Talk Timebomb and Season Two.

I do want to talk about this because I have a Lot of thoughts and feelings and it has been building up and building up, not only based on what's happening in other social spaces, but what people keep bringing into mine despite my best efforts to avoid it.

This isn't any kind of hatepost, I don't think I could hate Ekko or the ship if I tried, I just want to explain my very mixed feelings about the whole thing.

My likely-to-be-very unpopular take on Season Two's Timebomb romance is that it left me feeling uneasy and uncomfortable.

Not with what was in the show itself, I feel like that was perfect. Powder and Ekko sold me completely. They made me feel things. I even liked how Ekko and Jinx's story ended. I think it was beautiful, poignant, perfect...

...until.

'The Discourse' since, the way the fan culture has exploded around it, and particularly some of the creators' commentary on it, has made me sour on the whole thing.

It feels like I'm suddenly part of an increasingly small subset of people who saw what they did with S2 Timebomb and applied our media literacy to what was on our screens and got something very different to what the fandom consensus seems to be.

For context, I semi-shipped TB before this. Though I've always been Team Lightcannon, I had a lot of respect for timebomb, I understood it, I had read a few very good fics, I was just in the space of "Jinx has hurt Ekko too much for him to ever fully forgive her for murdering his friends, they might come to an understanding, and there will always be a silent undercurrent of love beneath the hurt, they may fight together on the same side again someday, but whatever bond they had as kids is broken and they can't go back, and both know it."

I respected, and still do, people who shipped them romantically, but I've always seen them as a broken childhood friendship being a much more interesting dynamic, and being hot for each other lessening that to an extent and not really adding anything to it.

All of his interactions with Jinx in season one are violent; she murders five Firelights point-blank in front of him in her intro scene, and Ekko reacts particularly upset to the pink-haired girl, Eve or Eva, whom Jinx shoots in the back. It's clear this isn't even the first time she's fought them. We don't know how many of Ekko's found family she's put on the Memorial Wall or how close he was with any of them.

Ekko is clearly convinced that "Powder" is gone, and the person who replaced her is a cold-blooded killer who can't be reasoned with. Leading to the Bridge confrontation, and this:

This is the first time Ekko catches a glimpse of "Powder", yes, but more importantly, this is the first moment he recognizes Jinx's humanity. He's hurting her, killing her, and he can't do it.

....and she knows he can't do it.

So, to save him the weight, she pulls a grenade, with the intent to kill them both, foreshadowing quite neatly where Ekko/Jinx (but not Ekko/Powder) is going to go in S2.

Fast forwarding from Season One here, Ekko disappears for 2/3rds of the second season, completely offscreen.

When we catch up with him he's woken up in the S2E7 AU; the Powder Timeline.

Here's where I start to get a little confused by the fandom take. Because, you know, I've seen enough Star Trek and Stargate and Supernatural and Batman the Animated Series and Quantum Leap to know exactly what this is.

This is the 'bottle episode', this is the 'Perfect World' trope, where the protagonists find themselves in an alternate universe - or trapped in a dream - or they've died or think they've died and this is their 'heaven' - where they have everything they ever wanted.

This is familiar storytelling and E2 follows a familiar pattern, the protagonist struggles to adapt to the surreal new circumstances, they are seduced by the illusion, particularly falling in love with someone in the Perfect World, but eventually, they start noticing something incongruous - something isn't quite right - (In this case, it's Vi's death, and Powder holding back her genius and hiding her grief to be support girl for others) - that reveals the Perfect World to be not as perfect as it seems.

And the hero has to choose to go home, because he realizes that this isn't real, it doesn't belong to him, he doesn't belong here.

Which is exactly what happens with Ekko in E7.

Which brings is to AU!Powder and Jinx.

And here's where I really start to struggle with the seeming consensus that the romance between Ekko/Powder automatically leads to Ekko/Jinx, like you can just transfer the one to the other.

I'm sorry, fam, I thought my basic media literacy was telling me that this girl:

Is not the same person as this girl:

....and I am not getting into any debate about "Jinx" vs "Powder" as identities within our current Jinx. I'm talking about Powder in the E7 AU.

AU!Powder is literally a different human being.

She may have been the same person up until the explosion in Jayce's laboratory, but from that fork in the timeline, she becomes a FUNDAMENTALLY different person to Jinx, shaped by different experiences, different relationships, different life events.

Powder's physicality with Ekko, as you can see in those GIFs, the casual intimacy, the clear affection, the way she touches him, looks at him, her awareness of him in her space, is so utterly opposite to the way Jinx interacts with him that if anything, it nailed home to me how savagely absent this kind of feeling is from his relationship with Jinx.

Powder loves Ekko. She leans on him, snuggles into him, touches his hands, dances with him, kisses him.

Jinx cares so little about him she barely makes eye contact and would casually kill him without blinking.

And I thought that was the point.

I really thought that was the whole point of E7. Being in the perfect world, getting his perfect love story with his perfect Powder, the girl Jinx could have been, but can never be, drove home for Ekko that his feelings for Jinx, both romantic and resentful, were tangled up in his illusions of "Powder", and it took living those illusions as a physical reality for Ekko to see his mistake.

To be true to himself, and true to her, Ekko had to let that go and go home.

To face his world's Jinx, and be there for her in her darkest moment, even if it meant giving up the love he'd found with Powder, a love that belonged to a different Ekko, for someone who could never love him back.

To me that was Ekko's most heroic moment, an act of selfless sacrifice. But that's what it was - a sacrifice.

Meanwhile, Season Two Jinx is not aware of any of this. The last time she saw Ekko was on the bridge where she nearly killed him, and for all we know she might have thought she succeeded.

She never talks about, thinks about, refers to, or even has scribble-nightmares about Ekko, not even once.

Season Two Jinx is, instead, having a love story of her own.

And Isha was and is a PUZZLE to me. Because she's more plot device than character, she isn't necessary except as a way to give Jinx a villain-to-hero arc and a way to reconnect to her humanity.

But she could have been Ekko.

If they really, really wanted us to have Timebomb Canon, instead of confining the entire arc to a bottle episode in an alternate timeline with a literally, physically different girl, they could easily have given all of Isha's considerable screentime to an Ekko and Jinx romance.

I'm sure Amanda Overton would have been on board with that. But that's not what we got. It's almost like reading two different fix-it-fanfics for the same character, put into the same show and running in parallel.

I'm not crazy, this is what's happening for Ekko in s2;

While this is happening for Jinx at the same time.

But Jinx's love story, too, ends with a tragic sacrifice.

And here's where the two stories finally intersect.

When Jinx is in her darkest moment, her absolute rock bottom, Ekko comes back into her life, a miracle, impossible, a Boy Savior.

But she's still ready to kill him.

Because she didn't dance with Ekko. She didn't invent a time machine with him. She didn't sit and watch the city lights with him and share a tender kiss and a heartfelt gift.

That was Powder.

Jinx and Ekko are resuming right where they left off on the bridge, right back to "I pull this pin and we both blow up".

They've both loved and lost, but their stories are absolutely unknown to each other. Ekko Doesn't Know About Isha. Jinx Doesn't Know About Powder.

It's only when Jinx (a genius, a reminder here) sees monkeys of her own design inside the Z-drive - recognizes her own handiwork, but knows SHE didn't make those - that, I think, sheer curiosity stirs her out of her darkness.

She has to know what that was about. She hesitates, just long enough for Ekko to speak. And, though offscreen, he tells her his story, and maybe she tells him hers.

And it's enough, just enough, to set Jinx back on her Redemption Arc, to become the hero Isha always saw in her.

Maybe even the hero Vi and Ekko saw in her, too. Her new costume is full of references to all of the people in her life who never gave up on her.

(side note, the yellow stars and crowns puzzle me, though - they're quite prominent, but who are THEY for? Isha? Maybe? Yellow isn't a color associated with anyone in Jinx's life, but that crown's identical to the one she scribbled on Demacia in Fortiche's map, is... this a very subtle future Lightcannon tease? Nah. I'm not that crazy.)

I mean her costume is also almost literally both a Fishbones and a Fiddlesticks cosplay, with her hair as Fiddle's tongue, so take from that what you will.

It's clear Jinx and Ekko war painted each other for the battle, but the Firelights are also similarly painted up, and (with Linke even confirming this) there really wasn't time to develop anything else, guys.

And I am, honestly, fundamentally angry at anyone who would suggest that, even if she'd been in any space to want it, our boy Ekko, one of the most genuinely good men in recent fiction let alone in Arcane, would take advantage of a girl he just talked out of suicide.

Moving on. During the battle, Ekko is knocked out and lying not far from Jinx. She doesn't even look at him, she leaps up to defend Vi instead.

And that's their final interaction on the show.

Instead of returning to Ekko, Jinx chooses one final act of sacrifice.

Ekko's final shot of the show is this.

He's sitting, alone, burning a mourning paper, where he sat with AU!Powder - where he and AU!Powder kissed - a place that has no significance to himself and Jinx, whatsoever.

It's little wonder who he's thinking about here, and which name he's burning on that paper. The girl he truly loved and lost.

For all he knows, Jinx is dead. But it's not only her he's mourning.

Or maybe he does know, or suspect, she's alive.

But either way, he's making one final act of sacrifice, too, with that paper burning into the breeze.

He's letting her go.

He's choosing his own story.

He's staying where he belongs.

Jinx may have become a symbol of the revolution, but it's Ekko who is, and always will be, the true hero of Zaun.

And this is Jinx's final shot.

Because let's face it, we all know she's on that airship.

She's "breaking the cycle". She's "walking away". She knows that Jinx has left too many scars on the people she still loves - on Vi, on Ekko, on the cities of Piltover and Zaun - for her to pick up the pieces.

She knows that if she's going to find out what "Jinx" might stand for now, she has to go very far away from everything and everyone. She has to leave it all behind and find something new.

Maybe even someone new?

And ultimately, that's why I feel the Timebomb we got was perfect, they shouldn't touch it, they shouldn't try to force it to be "Endgame", not because it couldn't have worked, but because that's the opposite of the story they told.

For the rest of my analysis, lol, this got a bit long but i have FEELINGS.

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't buy Jinx and Ekko as a love story if they had actually told that love story. But they didn't. It had no screen time. They have less interactions in S2, maybe even in both seasons added up, than Vi and Loris. Let that sink in a bit.

We know it's Amanda's favorite ship, so she may have intended more, and may even actually give us all more at some point, but please, dear god, let's stop pretending they fucked or kissed or even held hands offscreen.

That's honestly a bit insulting to both of these characters, to insist hell or high water that this very important milestone in their relationship happened, but they just didn't even bother to depict it. That an entire love story (because it would be a whole one, remember, Ekko and Powder had a romance but Jinx did not experience any of that, she and Ekko are back at Square One) would just be cut for time.

They both deserve better than that.

Let's stop pretending there was some grand, horny, Forever Love story with 60 minutes of cut footage, all of it timebomb content, somehow left on the cutting room floor of an animated show where every single frame has to be deliberately hand painted.

Because if in some insane universe they had written, storyboarded, voice acted and animated an entire 60 minute additional timebomb storyline and then cut it from the show, that would itself be a searing indictment of the quality of the storytelling in that imagined arc, but that's not what happened. Anyone who knows how filmmaking works would shoot this one down, and the showrunners already have, so let's leave it behind.

I know Timebomb blew up hard, and I get it, but what we got on the screen is not confirmation that there is any relationship at all between Ekko and Current Timeline Jinx. If anything, Ekko and Powder's beautiful romance only highlighted the tragic 'never to be' of Ekko and Jinx.

And it's absolutely fine to look at the art book, look at the creator comments, and imagine what could have been. Draw the fan art, write the fanfic, imagine the what-ifs and the fix-its, those are all beautiful and valid expressions and deserve their space.

But don't go insisting it's "the canon" and going after the shippers of other ships for these characters as "not canon" or somehow offensive for existing, especially toward one particular ship that, yes, has been around much longer than timebomb, is uncool.

I think this is mostly people who are New From Arcane, it's Baby's First Ship and they don't know how to share space. The timebomb fans I knew pre-season two didn't do this, at least not often enough for me to notice or care.

But I'll just say to them, if a Timebomb follow up happens and they actually tell a good love story for Ekko and Jinx, I will accept it. Grudgingly, because I think Lux/Jinx is an untold, untapped story full of incredible character dynamics that would complete Jinx's story in ways that as much as I love Ekko, he's too tied to her past, he can't.

But I love Ekko, and I love Jinx, and I will accept it.

But I'll also say to them, if the followup doesn't eventuate, if things take a turn they don't expect, if Jinx's airship is heading for Demacia, maybe they'll have to experience just a taste of what it's been like for Lightcannon fans for ten long years.

And maybe that's healthy. Maybe that's okay. Maybe our endgames don't need to be 'canon' to have value and that's a lesson we should learn.

Maybe there's a new Light on her horizon, and that's okay too. Maybe Ekko won't be alone forever. Don't forget - until Arcane - his story had nothing to do with Jinx, and there was a whole lot of it.

More with the Firelights, maybe bring in the original Lost Children of Zaun from his old stories, his inventions, his parents, all could yet be in his future. Who knows? He might find a way back to AU!Powder - or she might rebuild what they worked on together, and come to him, no matter what butterfly effects that could set in motion...

But if Jinx is heading for a Light on her horizon, maybe Ekko might Explore some of his possibilities. Find a new Spark of connection. Just saying. Jinx isn't his only ship, either 😌

And it is okay for people to move on, and let go. Maybe, for two characters whose themes are letting go of the past, living in the moment, redefining their identities, and moving on, that's what their story should be.

[heartzfromel]

undercover

detective!agnes x fem!model reader

summary; the nypd has been tasked with protecting a murder target in a high profile case. with detective o’connor being the most attractive in the department, she must ditch her rough around the edges look for girly glamour as she goes undercover. but what happens when agnes falls for the young model? will she love her for who she truly is under all that makeup?

tags; suggestive, depiction/mentions of murder and injury, violence, age gap, touchy agnes, sexist jokes, rio as a meddling side character as always

a/n; i love writing this!! also fyp i imagine tony to look like howard stark

chapter 1

agnes was late for work this morning. she’d had what was most likely her worst experience yet on the metro, with some couple arguing loudly next to her at half past six, left her keys on said train and wasted twenty minutes trying to find them, and then missed her second train. safe to say that she wasn’t in the best mood.

her mood was made worse by the teasing from her co-workers as soon as she got in, but they shut up quick after she gave them a warning look. she might’ve got on well with them all, but that didn’t stop then from being scared of her. by the time agnes got into her office, it was near enough nine o’clock. she pulled her chair out to sit, and what couldn’t have been ten seconds later, her office door burst open.

“o’connor!”

oh great. agnes thought to herself, as the chief barged in.

“chief vidal.” she nodded, trying to sound somewhat happy to see her. the look on vidal’s face told her it didn’t work very well.

“what time do you call this?” she snapped, pacing around agnes’ office, “i have been calling you for an hour!”

“listen, chief, i had a rough morning, okay? won’t happen again.” agnes replied. she realised she didn’t sound very professional.

“oh it better not, or else theres a job back on ticket duty with your name on it. now come on, i’ve got a case for you.”

agnes wanted to respond, to snap back in some quick witted way, but she knew vidal wasn’t joking about those parking tickets, so she kept her mouth shut.

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

“so,” vidal began, pacing around the room once again, showing off a case file, “three murders so far, all highly paid models, all y/h/c, all around the same age, all with the same associates. all the victims were killed by a single shot to the head, and each victim had the next ones initials carved into their wrists. they were all also killed during big fashion and beauty events, and obviously the miss u.s.a. pageant is coming up this week. we believe that our killer is going to strike again at some point in the week of the pageant, so we crosschecked the initials carved on the wrist of our third victim with the names of the girls competing in the pageant. three names were flagged, but we took a look at their photos, and only one of the girls matches the description pf our previous victims. her name is y/n y/l/n, she is 27 years old, and is currently miss texas. our unit have been tasked with keeping an eye on miss y/l/n, and ensuring that she is safe until our killer is caught. any questions about that?”

“yeah, uh, cheif vidal?” agnes’ partner, tony, asked, “how exactly are we gonna keep an eye on her?”

“ah, yes, thank you accardi, i was just getting to that.” vidal replied, “someone’s going undercover. we need someone who could win miss new york. she’s gotta be pretty, but also strong and can keep her cool. so who’s up for it?”

the room seemed to have gone silent. it was painfully obvious that none of the people in the room were overly keen on going undercover, and it was made worse by the fact that there were only three women, excluding vidal, in the whole unit.

“well i vote o’connor,” one of the men said, “i mean, if she wasn’t for the ladies i’d totally hit that.”

agnes shifted uncomfortably in her seat, eyes confused, wondering whether or not to take that as a compliment.

“jones.” vidal warned, before turning back to the group.

“i’m with jones on this one, chief. she could win miss new york, easy.” another officer agreed.

“i could see that.” another agreed.

“you are really pretty, agnes.” one of the female officers added.

agnes was stunned to say the least. she had never ever thought of herself as pretty, though it had never seemed to bother her.

“right then, it’s settled,” vidal confirmed, looking agnes up and down quickly, “you’re going to need a bit of a makeover.”

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

“you know, hon, you really should consider going blonde.” your agent remarked, grimacing at your current hair colour.

“thanks marv, but my current hair colour seems to be making me enough money right now.” you replied, rolling your eyes.

you were currently sat in your hotel room, your agent, marvin, sat on the bed, whilst you were at the vanity, hair in rollers as your nail tech finished up your manicure.

“just a suggestion.” he replied. the sound of emails on his computer was irritating you.

“do you have to type so loudly?” you snapped, frustration painting your features.

“well excuse me for trying to book you another vogue cover for next month!” he replied, slamming the laptop closed.

“you know, marv, it’s getting late maybe you should go.” you sighed, feigning tiredness.

“alright. fine.” he mumbled, the nail tech leaving behind him.

you leapt onto your bed and sighed peacefully. you wanted nothing more than a morning to yourself, with a lie in and no marvin yelling in your ear about what to wear and what not to wear. it’s not that you didn’t like your job, you did. it was everything that came with it. the agent, the fame, the scandals, the staged relationships with men you despised, doing anything just to make the front page.

you wondered if you’d ever be in a relationship and fall in love. out of all the relationships you’ve been in, albeit they were all fake, the men always seemed to fall for you. what you couldn’t fathom is that you couldn’t find it within yourself to love them back. all you wanted in life was love, yet you seemed to have everything but it.

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

agnes didn’t recognise herself when she looked in that mirror. tony’s jaw had dropped, and vidal smirked, knowing now that agnes was the perfect choice. she looked like a supermodel. tony let out a wolf whistle and agnes rolled her eyes at him, shaking her head.

“who even is that?” she asked, eyes finding her reflection once again. her hair was down and curled for the first time in what must have been 15 years, and contained so many extensions that she thought there must be more of them than her own hair. her lips were painted a deep shade of red, complimenting her pale skin perfectly. her eyes now sported a flirty set of falsies and a shimmery dark shadow, and she was currently showing more skin than she had ever shown before, the deep purple dress showing off her collarbones and cleavage, but stopping just above her ankle. she looked beautiful, but she wasn’t agnes.

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

the flight felt longer than it was, and agnes was increasingly uncomfortable in the dress. she wondered how people wore things like this on a daily basis, it was so itchy. the flight seemed to last longer for tony and vidal, who had to come along, vidal because she’s nosy, and tony to be agnes’ fabulous assistant. they were quite the trio, both tony and rio threatening to throw themselves out of the jet if agnes complained one more time.

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

the hotel was stunning, agnes had to agree. her bag was heavy, and she wondered what could possibly be in here. she had no idea. vidal had just sort of thrown it at her, and wished her luck, before disappearing to the bar. tony had walked her to the room.

“oh my god, what is im this bag?” he whined, throwing one onto agnes’ bed. agnes threw the other up.

“i don’t know, and i’m afraid to find out.” she replied, grimacing at the thought.

she flipped the bag over as she unzipped it, “oh my god!” she exclaimed as she saw the inside. there wasn’t a pair of pants in sight. the thing was full of short dresses and revealing shirts, bottles of perfume, makeup, and what looked like 8000 dollars worth of heels.

“welcome to washington, agatha harkness.”

•☽༻¨:·. ──── ₊☽◯☾₊ ──── .·:¨༺☾•

taglist; @hannah-0730 @m1vfs comment to be added !

[bloogers-boogers]

One of my favorite headcanons of Adam is that he hates liars which is why he's bluntly honest to people even if he's a dick about it. He can tell a liar a mile away and that's thanks to Lucifer, Lilith and Eve. The first lie detector ~~

And all his kids knows this, so when someone suggests on lying to Adam they immediately put that idea down cause it'll grant doom. They always choose a plan over lying.

St Peter: "just lie to your dad about speaking to Emily! He doesn't need to know about the plan of us forming a group against exterminations."

Abel: "Off the table. Anything else you suggest for us to do? We have to make sure our plan is Lute proof or he'll catch us."

St Peter: "Just tell him where going for a sleepover."

Abel: "no."

St Peter: "Look. I know you're upset at the thought of lying to your dad cause you love him a lot, and killing sinners is just a "hobby" that makes him REALLY happy, but, this is for the greater good. And it'll be healthy for the both of you if all of this stops. You'll have your dad back. End of story. Y'know what? What the heck, I'll do it myself!"

Abel: "No! WAIT—!"

*Adam slurping his smoothie somewhere in heaven*

St Peter: "Hey, Adam! Just letting you know I'm taking Abel to a sleepover with Emily."

Adam *skeptical*: "you two aren't fucking are you?"

St Peter *blushing hard*: "Oh HEAVENS NO! I would never!"

Adam *threatening*: "why? He's not hot enough for you?"

St Peter: "what!? No! I'm just! It's not—!"

Adam: "pch. Whatever, he's too out of your league anyways. I have an eye on some angel who will make the perfect match for him.

Adam *calling one of his exorcist out*: "Clitorisha! This twink isn't in to him! You can totally make your shot. NOT that sort of shot! Put the arrow down!"

St Peter: *eye twitching* "so... does that mean it's totally cool if I take him to the sleepover?"

Adam: "oh fuck no. I know he's over two thousand years old but I know you fuckers are about to go behind my back and call out quits on exterminations. Just wanted you to admit you're not into my Abby for my girl to make her move. Bye bitch!"

~~~~~

Angel Dust: "we don't actually have to tell him?"

Cain *boredly taking a sip of vodka*: "he'll know."

Charlie: "Maybe if we're careful enough he won't find out! We could hide the decorations in my closet!"

Cain: "he'll still know."

Angel Dust: "c'mon man you've been turning down all of our ideas. He ain't that hard to trick or smart."

Charlie: "yeah, Cain... lets avoid using the word 'trick' on Adam, please Angel...? He's very sensitive about it. But Angel is right! You're dad can't be hard to surprise! Everyone likes surprises!"

Cain: "say thanks to your dad for making him basically impossible to surprise! He's literally the only human being I know who HATES surprises."

*Cuts to them turning to look at Lucifer '(>:3)' who was attempting to surprise attack Adam from behind his back.*

Adam: *immediately summons his axe sending Lucifer to another room with a blast*

Cain: "Told yah. My pa hates that."

[witchygagirlwrites]

Broken Bonds-Part 17

Former(ish) Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz x Reader, BabyDaddy! Jay Halstead x Reader

You face a hard case that pushes your limits and makes you finally face your feelings for Jay. The two of you confront those feelings head on.

Warnings: Violence, cursing, nsfw happenings

You sat on top of Kim’s desk next to her as you both went over files from the most recent case. A tip had led to a fairly decent sized drug bust but the tip had also led to the informant being killed and it was your informant. You wanted to know how his name had gotten leaked, who had leaked it and who had killed him because whoever was responsible was going down and you weren’t stopping until you personally put cuffs on them.

“Anything you can tell us that may help us here Kidd?” Voight asked and you shrugged, scrubbing a hand over your eyes “Jerry was a good guy. He had a wife and a kid. Hell he bought me a three pack of onesies when he found out Addy was a girl. He was a sweet guy who’d just gotten into some trouble and was trying to stay out of prison to be there for his son” 

Voight nodded “We’re gonna find who did this, I promise you that. We don’t put up with rats” you nodded because at the moment you didn’t want to hear promises of finding the perp, you wanted names. You wanted their neck under your boot and for them to know the only reason they made it to prison was because you were a mother and didn’t want to go home to your baby girl with any more blood on your hands than was necessary.  

You didn’t miss how Voight cut his eyes at Jay or how everyone was giving you a wide berth. This case was wearing on you. You were responsible for an eight year old no longer having his father because you’d popped him on a drug charge a few years back. You pushed off Kim’s desk to head towards the breakroom. You needed a bottle of water.

You leaned down into the fridge and heard someone walk into the room behind you, you didn’t have to look to know it was Jay. You could damn near feel it was him. “I’m fine” you promised and he scoffed “No, you’re not” you spun around to face him, holding the water bottle out almost accusatory “Ok, I’m not. Jay how the hell would you feel if someone got me killed? Would you think that person should be ok? If someone got you killed I damn sure wouldn’t want them to be ok”

“Sweetheart, it’s not the same thing” he spoke so damn gently you had to blink back tears “Explain to me why it’s not. Because I look at our daughter Jay, our little three and a half month old baby and I imagine some asshole talking you into something that ends up getting you killed and you know what that does to me? Jerry was a good guy. He was just trying to work off his case. This bust cleared him, it cleared him!” you hadn’t realized tears had started falling until Jay was across the room, pulling you into his arms.

He smoothed a hand down your back, the same way he did to soothe Addy “That’s why it’s not the same. If you were some asshole you wouldn’t be hurting over his death. I know he was a good guy. Every time we saw him when you were pregnant he had something for you, he bought stuff for Addy, he loved his son. When we find out who did it and we will I promise you we will bring them down” he pulled back enough he could meet your eyes “But I need you to promise me not to hide away. Addy needs her mom, I need you. The unit needs you”

“I’ve never lost a C.I, Jay” you whispered and he nodded “I know, your heart is so damn big sweetheart. That’s something I’ve always loved about you. For now though you’ve got to use that box to separate emotions from the job then when it's all over and you need to break, I’ll be there to help you or I’ll call Stella or-or even try to get Mouse to call. Whatever you need. If you can’t focus though and promise me you can focus Voight is going to bench you on this case and I’m not going to argue him”

You nodded slowly “I can separate them Jay. I promise you there’s nothing that could distract me from going home to Addy” he smiled “That’s my girl” and pressed a kiss to your forehead “Let’s get back to work” he slipped his arm around your shoulders and the two of you walked out of the breakroom.

You jolted awake for the third time, a thin sheen of sweat covering your body. Every time you’d fallen asleep you’d dreamt of the crime scene but instead of Jerry’s body it was Jay’s. You raised a shaking hand to your face and had to work to draw your breath. You glanced at the time and saw it was a little past two, you had Addy so he was probably asleep. You didn’t want to wake him but maybe if you heard his voice, it would convince your brain he was ok so you could sleep?

You pushed yourself up the bed and grabbed your phone off the table next to the bed. You hit his number and smiled when the photo of him and Addy popped up. It rang twice before he answered, voice deep with sleep “Hey sweetheart, you and Addy ok?” you immediately kicked yourself for worrying him. “I’m sorry for waking you up Jay, we’re ok” he yawned then said “It’s fine but you’re not ok. I can tell from your voice.Talk to me”

“I keep having nightmares” your voice wavered at the end and he spoke your name gently as a way to coax you into telling him “I keep seeing you dead instead of Jerry” you whispered, trying to fight back tears. You heard movement  on his end so you asked what he was doing “I’m getting dressed. I’ll be there in a few minutes” “Jay, it’s two in the morning. You don’t have to come across town.I just wanted to hear your voice to convince my brain you’re ok” “I never said I had to but if you can’t sleep to the point you’re calling me? I’m coming over. That way if you have another nightmare it’s even easier to let yourself know I’m ok if I’m asleep on the couch”

__________

Instead of trying to fall asleep you got up and checked on Addy then waited in the living room for Jay. When he unlocked the door and stepped in he smiled when he saw you sitting on the couch “Is she awake?” he whispered and you shook your head.

He nodded and took his jacket off then kicked his boots off before locking the door back then walked over to sit down next to you. He kept his voice low because he knew if not Addy would pop up if she heard him “Why are you in here?” You shrugged, twisting your crescent ring around your finger “I was waiting on you” he smiled slightly “Well as you see Detective Kidd, I’m alive and well. So you can get some sleep”

You nodded and went to stand then stopped “Do you want to just sleep in there with me Jay?” he opened his mouth then snapped it shut then opened it again before saying “We haven’t shared a bed since Addy was born” you laughed lightly “I know. I don’t think you’re gonna cease being a gentleman because I’m no longer pregnant. I just figured the bed is more comfortable than the couch and this case is kicking our ass enough. I’ll let you take the monitor so if she wakes up”

He nodded after a moment “Ok” and stood to follow you into the bedroom. You walked over to the bed and climbed in. How many nights had you watched Jay strip his jeans and shirt off to get into the bed while you were pregnant? Too many to count probably. However, this time? Your lower stomach flipped when he slid his pants off his hips.

He smiled when he realized your attention was on him “Same sides still?” you nodded so he climbed into the bed and turned to face you “Get some sleep. If you have a nightmare I’m right here to prove I’m ok” you smiled “Thank you Jay” “I told you, anything you need I’m here” he reminded you before pressing a kiss to your forehead.

____________

Jay woke up slowly, sleep fogging his brain slightly. He felt a warm body at his back and the night before came rushing back. You calling after a nightmare, him coming over and you asking him to sleep in the bed. He realized he’d moved around in his sleep to the point he was laying on his stomach facing away from you but you were curled up on his back, fast asleep. You must not have had any more nightmares or had attached yourself to him to the point to ensure you didn’t. Either way he could get used to waking up with you wrapped around him..no he couldn’t think like that.

The light sound of Addy babbling broke him out of his thoughts. You began to stir on his back and he froze when he felt your lips graze his shoulder and a sleepy “Mornin Jay” fall from your lips. “Morning” he replied and you crawled off of him, mumbling an apology. He smirked “Don’t apologize for being on top sweetheart, I don’t mind” and was rewarded with an eye roll.

You shook your head and got out of the bed “You coming to see your daughter since you’re here and don’t have to just meet me at the daycare?” he grinned “Of course” and moved to follow you out of the bedroom to Addy’s room.

You were feeling slightly more human when you walked into the precinct after you dropped Addy off at daycare. Jay had gotten her fed and dressed while you showered then followed you to the daycare. You cut your eyes up when you heard him coming in the door right after you “Here sweetheart” he held out a cup with your usual coffee order and you smiled “Thank you” “Of course”

You stopped at the palm scanner and he opened the door and held it after it popped. The two of you walked up the stairs and you hoped like hell once you got upstairs some sort of break was waiting to find Jerry’s killer. 

You glanced at the board, the picture of Jerry in the corner and felt Jay’s hand on your lower back. You nodded slightly “I’m fine” then headed for your desk. Time to compartmentalize. The mom you who was tearing herself apart at the idea of taking away a child’s father had to sit down while the detective you stood up to find the killer of that child’s father and see them rot in a prison cell.

Kevin bumped your hip on the way by “You good lil mama?” you nodded and bumped his shoulder in turn “Always Kev. You ready to do this today?” “Of course” he replied with a wink.

___________

A break finally came in around noon. Hank had feelers out all over the city along with a good amount of 505 funds greasing the wheels. You had a name. The drug dealer who pulled the trigger was the first hit. “Aaron Pilson” You taped the photo on the board. “History of armed robbery, assault, trafficking” 

Hank spoke up “We take no chance. You get the shot, you put him down” everyone nodded “Gear up, we roll in five”

You cut your eyes at Jay before knocking your shoulder against Kevin “C’mon partner” he grinned “I got ya mama” everyone headed down to roll up to grab their gear.

You slipped your vest on and felt hands adjusting the straps before you had time to and wasn’t surprised to find those hands belonged to Jay. “I can do that” you reminded him and he nodded “I know, I just wanted a chance to tell you to stay close to Kev. We have backup for a reason. Come home to Addy” you smiled up at him “Always. You come home to her too” he grinned “Of Course”

He winked at you then walked off to grab the rest of his gear so you did the same.

_________

“CPD FREEZE” You heard the call out from every entrance of the house as your unit breached it. Aaron was your target. He pulled the trigger but you wanted to know who gave him the name. You could hear multiple offenders surrendering around you and the members of your unit calling clear.

“PILSON IS RUNNING” Adam called across the coms so you cut your eyes at Kevin who nodded before you both ran out the side door “WE GOT HIM” Kevin spoke over the coms.

“Oh this bastard,” you muttered. You’d chased him for two blocks. You and Kevin slid around the corner and a piece of wood caught Kevin, knocking him off his feet “KEV!” you hollered as the same piece swung back towards you, only managing to knock your gun out of your hand. You ducked the second swing and managed to grab the wood,twisting to snatch it out of Aaron’s hand and tossed it.

He grinned at you “Feisty, I like it” You spotted Kevin getting to his feet but didn’t take your eyes off Pilson “C’mon asshole. You killed a friend. Take a swing” he swung on you but you blocked with your left forearm then side stepped and caught him under the jaw with your right fist. He staggered and tried to take another swing but Kevin shoved his gun into his neck “Swing on my partner again, please do it”

He held his hands up so you smiled “On your knees” he glared at you but did as you said. You walked over and picked up your piece then walked back to him “Now, who the hell is selling our C.I.s?” he spit towards your feet as an answer. “Wrong answer asshole” you pressed the barrel between his eyes “One more time. Who the hell is selling our C.I.s?”

____________

You stood between Jay and Kevin as Hank read SWAT into what you were walking into. Logan Henderson. He’d been a patrolman at the twenty-first for a few years and somehow hacked the mainframe, you planned to call in some favors to get it backed up to make sure this never happened again.  “This asshole got money hungry. He’s selling C.I.s now, U.C.s could be next” Hank reminded and a look was passed around the group because all of you had more than one undercover persona.

“We go in locked and loaded” Franklin Young, the man over the SWAT team working with your unit agreed. 

You and Kevin were teamed up with a SWAT member, same as every team of intelligence. You stood at ready until Hank and Franklin’s voices came across the coms “BREACH”

You could hear gunfire and yelling. You moved in with a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. You cleared each corner that way. “FREEZE” you heard Hailey’s voice and came around the corner to see Henderson raise his gun towards her and Jay “DROP THE WEAPON” Kevin shouted but Henderson didn’t so more than six guns fired rounds into his chest.

______________

“Do you want me to go with you?” Jay asked because you were going to see Jerry’s wife and take the money Hank was sending considering she was left with a kid because of a dirty cop. You nodded “Please, I don’t know if I can face her and his son alone” he slipped his hand into yours as the two of you walked out of the precinct “We’ll handle it together”

“I have a question” The moment Stella started any sentence with that you wanted to look for your jeep keys to make a quick exit but considering you were at your apartment and she was holding your baby that was out of the option pool. “Yes dear?” you asked and she grinned “She’s almost four months old, who would you feel about me having her for a night? I just I wanted to take her to the aquarium if that’s ok with you and Jay of course! Plus that way you both get a night free!”

“Stel you know I trust you and Kelly with my life but I have to talk to Jay before I give the ok on something like that” her grin got broader “I thought you’d say that but me and him already talked” you raised an eyebrow and pulled out your phone, scrolling through to Jay’s name.

It rang three times before he answered and you accused “Are you conspiring with my sister?” he laughed “Well hello to you too and no, she asked if I was ok with her and Kelly having Addy overnight and taking her to the aquarium. I said yes because we trust them to be her godparents so why not trust them for one overnight? Why? Is that not ok? She said she was going to talk to you”

You sighed “Honey, you talk to me first. You don’t give my sister approval then tell me when I call” “I’m sorry” he said and you laughed lightly “It’s ok. I’ll talk to you later” you told each other bye then hung up. You looked back at Stella “Friday night ok? Me and Jay have the weekend off unless intelligence gets called on a case” she nodded “That’s perfect”

You shook your head “Now that’s settled, we need to talk” her eyebrows nearly hit her hairline “That’s your serious face. What’s up?” you flopped down on the couch and she looked down at Addy “Uh oh. Mama’s upset. Wanna do tummy time?” she got Addy settled for tummy time on a blanket in front of the couch then sat down with her so she was right in front of you.

“Talk to me” she said, grabbing both of your hands in one of hers. “I think I fell” you whispered, not meeting her eyes. When she was quiet for a moment you looked up and she was chewing on her lip like she did when she was thinking “Out with it” she shrugged “You think? Or you did? And if you fell? Does that mean you fell out? Or are you still fallen and fell also?”

Jesus this conversation was confusing. You knew she was asking if you were still in love with Mouse or not. You raised a hand and let it drop “I don’t know but I know when I’m around Jay the world isn’t as loud. He makes it quieter” she smiled and rubbed your hands “Tell him” you took a deep breath “But what if I’m still fallen and fell also?” she shrugged “We’ll handle it but I still think Jay deserves to know” you looked over at Addy who was gnawing on her fist and gurgling to herself “Ok”

You slid off the couch to sit next to her, running a hand over her head and she began to babble. Stella laughed “See? She agrees!”

Friday evening you’d just finished getting Addy a bag packed when there was a knock at your door. You opened it expecting Stella and Kelly but Jay stood at your door. “Hey” you greeted and he smiled “Hey”

You stepped back to let him in and he went to where Addy was on her blanket and scooped her up. “Just couldn’t go until noon tomorrow?” you laughed and he narrowed his eyes at you “Don’t tease me” you smiled “I’m sorry Jay. It’s adorable really. I love how much you love our daughter”

He walked over to you, holding her in his arms “And I came to see if you want to go to dinner with me tonight” you raised an eyebrow “Are you sucking up for something? Did Adam and Kev steal my jeep and you’re the distraction?” “That happened once!” he laughed so you shrugged “Sure. Dressy thing or?” “No, just whatever you’re comfortable in” you grinned “Even better”

Another knock sounded and you rubbed Addy’s back “There’s Aunt Stella and Uncle Kelly” you opened the door and Stella walked in.You clocked the moment she noticed Jay, her eyes getting big “I’m here to get my niece” Jay smiled “Take my baby then’ she laughed when he passed Addy over and Kelly said “We will handle with care, we promise”

You turned in front of the mirror for the fifth time. You texted Stella and she said this outfit was fine. Nice fitting jeans, cute top and comfy, cute boots. Jay had seen you in so much worse. You’d done your hair and makeup well enough too. You heard a knock and checked the time, should be Jay.

You walked over to the door and opened it, freezing when you saw Jay. He was wearing jeans with a black button down shirt and his st michael pendant hanging loose. He grinned at you “You look good” you nodded “So do you” which only made his grin get bigger. 

“Don’t get full of yourself Halstead” you teased before grabbing your jacket. He watched you with a smirk, “Beautiful woman going to dinner with me who happens to be the mother of my child? Yeah I think I have the right to be a little full of myself” you felt your face warm and laughed “Let’s get going” he reached for your hand so you let him take it, lacing your fingers together.

_____________

“That one was not my fault! I had the choice to take the shot or let Ruzek run straight into three bangers hyped up on pcp!” you laughed as Jay teased you about something that happened years ago when intelligence was freshly formed. He grinned around his drink “Oh come on sweetheart even O laughed” you shook your head at him but honestly now that was a good memory. The bust had gone a little sideways but not in the people died way more in the why are there balloon animals and is that guy making face paint type of way. 

You’d missed this part of your relationship with Jay, the teasing easiness that had always been between the two of you. Since you’d gone back to work and the two of you had found a routine with Addy it found its way back and you found yourself falling further and further. You stared at the man across from you as the realization hit you like a truck. You were in love with Jay. You still loved Mouse but the fact remained you’d fallen in love with Jay.

How could you not? He was a gorgeous man, yeah but he was so much more than that. He was an amazing father, he supported you in everything you did. He had the biggest heart and despite the hell he’d seen still managed to fight for the good in the world. He was gentle when it was called for but absolutely deadly when someone needed to be protected.He was one of your best friends. The night you’d spent with him, he’d checked with you more than once to ensure your comfort and since then he’d made sure to not do anything to make you uncomfortable. When he found out you were pregnant he hadn’t hesitated. He was willing to go through anything and anyone for you and your daughter. He stood at your side, letting it be known that he trusted you to be capable of taking care of yourself but he was willing and able to tag in at any moment you needed him.

He called your name lightly and you blinked a few times, a smile slipping onto your face “Yeah?” the smile he gave you in turn was so damn gentle your heart ached “Where’d you go?” you wiped a hand down your face “Can we get out of here Jay? The food was amazing but I want to talk to you about something important and would rather it be somewhere more private”

He nodded slowly “Of course, let me flag down our waitress and I’ll pay”

____________

The entire ride back to your place Jay kept one hand on top of his truck console, holding yours. You smiled when he parked next to your jeep and his thumb rubbed lightly across the back of your hand “We’re in private” he spoke lightly so you turned to look at him. The streetlight hit his eyes just right, the blue seemed to glow.You felt your heart flip “Want to come in? I know Addy isn’t here tonight but I promise I’ll try to be good company”

He smiled “I think I can suffer through your company” he pulled your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to it before you both climbed out of the truck. He met you at the front of it and slipped his arm around your waist. You shook your head at him but dug your keys out of your pocket as the two of you walked up to your door. Jay always stood behind you, protectively while you unlocked the door as if he was worried that split second of distraction someone may hurt you.

You pushed the door open and stepped inside, looking back at him “Coming in?” he nodded and stepped in behind you, closing the door and locking it by habit. You smiled at the fact that he was so used to your place and slipped your jacket off. He did the same, laying his own the back of the couch.

_________

You walked into the kitchen with the intention to get a bottle of water and could feel Jay’s eyes on you. You weren’t even thirsty, you were stalling. Why were you stalling? This was Jay. You were never safer than around him. Even if he didn’t feel the same it’s not like he was going to be an ass about it. 

You turned back around and walked back into the living room where he stood in the center of it, watching you with a curious expression “We need to talk” he nodded slowly “You mentioned that but I’m waiting on you to start” You ran a hand over your hair and his eyebrows raised “Baby? What is it?” your heart flipped when he called you baby. You shook your head and walked across the room but he followed you, gently grabbing your wrist to turn you towards him and inadvertently putting your back to the wall “Talk to me. It’s just us, you know that no matter what I’m in your corner. You could tell me you killed someone and I’d probably help hide the body”

You laughed lightly “Yeah well so would Stella, Kev and probably Hailey” he rolled his eyes “Ha ha. I’m trying to make a point. I’m not gonna judge you here. You’re nervous and I can’t remember the last time you were nervous around me, hell probably when you first found out you were pregnant. So tell me, please?” You looked from where he still held your wrist up to him and took a deep breath before pulling your wrist away.

His face fell slightly but when instead you put your hands on his chest, one of them playing with the chain of his pendant he smiled, letting his hands fall to your hips. “Talk to me” he urged. You slowly raised your eyes to meet his and your breath caught in your throat at the look in his eyes. He was looking at you like you were one of the most important things to him, like you were absolutely amazing. Was Stella right? 

___________

“I love you Jay” he smiled “I love you” you shook your head “No, I mean I love you. I don’t know when it happened or what it means for the future but I’m in love with you Jay” “What?” he asked and you nodded, feeling the lump in your throat tighten “I don’t expect you to feel the same because Mouse is still there and..” he cut you off by crashing his lips against yours. This kiss wasn’t like the night you two conceived Addy. Those kisses were rushed, fueled by liquor and lust. This one was gentle, coaxing. His tongue flicked at your lips, begging for access and when you allowed it, he pressed you against the wall with his body rolling his tongue against yours and pulling a low moan from you at the feeling.

“Jay” you tried and he pulled back, grabbing your hands in his and pinning them above your head. Your stomach flipped as you looked up into his eyes, the pupils blown and the slow smile working its way onto his face. “I don’t give a damn about anything else. The rest can be figured out as long as you love me” his lips moved from yours to your neck, tongue and teeth teasing the sensitive flesh there “Do you know how hard it’s been to not let that slip? To not tell you how much I’m in love with you?” he whispered against your skin. You whimpered lightly and he groaned “Oh baby, you sound so fucking pretty” 

You swallowed hard and had to try twice to find your voice “Jay, let me touch you” the grin he gave you was enough to make your knees weak “You want to touch me?” you nodded “Please?” his eyes closed for a moment before he released your hands. The moment they were free you started unbuttoning his shirt, lips finding his.

He grinned against your mouth when you shoved his shirt to the floor and let your hands explore his chest and back “Having fun there sweetheart?” you pulled him closer to you, moving from his lips to his neck, working at the spots that pulled small noises from his throat. His hands gripped your hips tightly as you teased the sensitive skin “Fuck baby, how far are you wanting this to go?”

You pulled back from his flesh and looked up at him before pulling your shirt over your head and tossing it down next to his. His tongue flicked out to wet his bottom lip “I don’t have a condom sweetheart” you grinned “I got an IUD back on my six week check up” his eyes widened “Ok then”

____________

You stumbled through the door of your bedroom, lips not leaving each other. Jay gripped your body tightly as you both tumbled to the mattress, his weight pushing you down into it. He looked down at you and smiled so damn sweetly as he pushed your hair out of your face “I love you” “I love you too Jay” you whispered.

He caught your lips in a bruising kiss and you felt his fingers slip under the waistband of your panties, teasing at your clit. When your hips bucked off the bed he chuckled lightly “Damn you’re sensitive” you glared up at him as best as you could give the position “Well it’s been how many months?” he let one thick finger sink into you, pulling a moan of his name from your lips “Too fucking long” he let another join that one, lips finding yours to swallow the moans falling from you.

You could feel that building inside of you and Jay knew you were close because he broke away from your lips to roll one of your nipples between his teeth “That’s it beautiful. Let me feel you come around my fingers” when he turned his wrist enough his thumb could brush against your clit your building orgasm slammed into you. Your vision went white around the edges as you came, thighs shaking lightly as he worked you through it, whispering in your ear how beautiful you looked and how much he loved you.

When you finally came down he pulled his fingers free and held your eyes as he licked them off, eyes closing “I need a taste sweetheart” before you could say anything he was repositioned between your legs, damn near in a kneeled position given his height, looking up at you. You laughed weakly “Jay Halstead on his knees. I could used to that”  he winked at you “For you? I’ll get on my knees any time, any where” then flicked his tongue across your clit, his laughter vibrating against you when you whimpered his name “Sound as beautiful as you are”

It didn’t take him long to have you a quivering mess under him. Your thighs shook around his head and you were fairly certain your orgasms had stacked on top of each other. “Jay, I can’t I fucking can’t” you begged. You couldn’t, you were too overstimulated and he was still working at you with his tongue. He pulled back and kissed you there once more before slowly working his way up your body, mouth mapping out every scar from your work and mark you had from growing his daughter along the way.

When he got to your lips he pressed a gentle kiss against them, letting you taste yourself “You ok darling?” you nodded “Please, I want you inside me” his forehead dropped to your chest “Dammit you’re gonna be the death of me” you felt him move to kick his boxers off before he was positioning himself between your legs, the head of his cock pressing at your entrance.

He looked up at your face “Are you sure? We can stop” you nodded “Please Jay? I love you” he swallowed hard “I love you” and slowly slid into you, a groan leaving you both at the feeling of the stretch.

He stilled once he was inside of you to let you adjust to him. Your hands smoothed down his shoulders as his lips kissed the hollow of your throat “Feel so damn good” he whispered. You tentatively moved your hips and when it didn’t hurt, instead felt so damn amazing your eyes nearly rolled back from such a small movement you whispered “You can move Jay”

He grinned against your skin as he gave a roll of his hips and your nails bit into his back “There she is” he groaned. You shifted your hips to hook your legs around his waist and his left hand moved to grip your right thigh tightly, his right hand supporting his weight as he found a rhythm that had that pleasure quickly building inside of you “Fuck Jay, right there” you moaned and he rolled his bottom lip between his teeth, eyes flickering down to where he was burying himself into you.

“Fuck, I’ve wanted you for so damn long” he grunted, hips snapping into you. His eyes flew back up to yours “Do you know how fucking sexy you were pregnant with my child?” you couldn’t attempt to respond because his fingers found your clit, rubbing tight circles. Your orgasm slammed into you and you were fairly certain you squeezed his waist tight enough with your legs he may have bruises from them and knew he’d have marks from your nails.

He used the grip on your thigh to spread your legs a little further, burying himself a little deeper as his thrusts got sharper trying to find his own release. “Fuck Jay, please let me feel you” you begged and you could feel his grip on you tighten. He hit that spot deep inside of you and your eyes rolled back, another orgasm slamming into you without warning as you felt him give a final thrust before burying himself inside of you, his own release finally hitting him.

The two of you laid like that for a few minutes, working to get your breathing back to normal instead of like you’d just chased someone for seven blocks. He gently eased your legs down and looked up at you, an almost shy look gracing his face “Are you ok baby?” you nodded weakly “I am fuckin amazing”

He chuckled and pressed a gentle kiss to your lips before pulling out of you, apologizing when you hissed between your teeth at the feeling. You watched him walk to the bathroom and turned your head to admire the view, he glanced over his shoulder and shook his head.

He cleaned himself up then came back with a warm rag and gently spread your knees before cleaning you up. He tossed the rag in the dirty laundry in your bathroom then slipped his boxers on “I’m gonna grab you a water” you smiled at him “Will you stop being so damn good to me?” he shook his head “Never”

__________

After he made sure you drank something and found you a shirt to slip on, Jay crawled into bed next to you and pulled you over onto his chest. His fingers were under the shirt, drawing patterns on your thigh considering you had one thrown across his waist. “I meant what I said, the rest can be figured out” he spoke softly in the quiet room and you knew what he meant. You glanced up at him and felt your heart flip. You did love Mouse, you knew that but you were also in love with the man whose arms you were laying in.

“That’s a worry for tomorrow Jay,for tonight let me enjoy finally being as close to you as I want to be” the smile that slipped onto his face was nothing short of heavenly “I love you so damn much. I’ve been in love with you for months. I just didn’t want to scare you” you leaned up to catch his lips in a gentle kiss, feeling his hand grip your thigh gently “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me. Just know you made my pregnancy amazing just by being at my side and I love you so much Jay”

He grinned and squeezed your thigh again “I made it amazing?” you nodded “You really did, I don’t know how I would’ve made it this far without you” one of his hands came up to grip the back of your neck and hold your face in place “I promise you no matter what happens as long as I’m breathing you’ll have me in your corner” you shook your head “You’re too good of a man for me Jay” he pulled you into a kiss before saying “Quit saying stuff like that before I have to show you how amazing you are again”

You raised an eyebrow “That a threat or a promise?” his eyes roamed across your body before he laughed “A little bit of both”

You fell asleep curled up on your side with Jay tucked tightly around you. No matter how chaotic your heart and head was he slowed it down, he calmed it and made you feel safe. You knew he would protect your daughter until his last breath. You’d die for him and he’d die for you.

Did you still love Mouse? Yes but he wouldn’t be home until August, you’d face that part of your heart then and no matter the love you carried for Mouse it didn’t undermine the love you had for Jay, nor the love Jay had for you. You would face it head on.

@desimarie12

Part 18

@nevaehstreater18

@allisonargent144

[voidsturn]

title: cowboy like me

pairing: crime syndicate!matt x undercover agent!reader

plot: matt, feeling betrayed by the one girl he loved, struggles with heartbreak and rage after her role in an ambush nearly destroys his family. she insists it was for the protection of his father, but matt’s trust wavers between eggshell-like hope and total loss. can they put aside their ‘differences’ and hopefully not kill each other?

trope: angst?? (i swear it started off as one), maybe hurt/comfort??, betrayal trope, forced proximity, lovers to enemies, open ending

warnings: words and mentions related to firearms and death. this is such weird timing, (matts slightly aggressive in this one folks) due the shit show caused by the recent friday video.

author’s note: ‘and the skeletons, in both our closets plotted hard to fuck this up…’

also credits to anyone who has ever done anything like this. if anyone wants me to tag them, i’m fully ready to do so cause its a rlly fun pairing tbh

matt - blue | reader - pink | chris - orange | nick - purple

matt didn't have much time left. barely one half hour, before the other side would bust through the mindfully constructed door of his ‘abandoned’ cabin, in the middle of the woods. matt’s mind was scrambling more than his wounded figure. scrambling for answers while his tired and injured body hurriedly searched for guns. matt knew this would happen. trusting a girl that reminded him of himself before ‘everything’ was like knowingly falling into a bear trap. just like how the bear trap suspends it’s target in air for the entire world to judge, matt felt the same. ashamed, vulnerable and filled to the brim with pure, unadulterated rage.

matt heard his heartbeat in his goddamn head. on the verge of either passing out or drowning in a pool of his own tears, he didn't know what to choose. his pride, but most importantly his trust was just left shattered. like a few thousand, tiny pieces of an expensive glass someone purposely broke. he finally chose the latter. completely spent, matt tiredly slunk down the hardwood wall of his bedroom.

choosing to cry was easier said than done. in reality, he felt shell-shocked. replaying the last hour of one of the worst days of his life, thus carved the path for fresh, hot tears to stream down matts battered up face. the engagement was supposed to be a new beginning. it was the happiest the sturniolo family has been in years.

matt remembered his brothers. the stark difference between before and after was depressing to watch. nick was beaming. he was so happy, he finally found the love of his life and nick finally made him his. aaron, nick’s fiancé, along with nick, were decked with brown and grey suits respectively. the newly engaged couple’s childlike grins, were enough to make the saddest one in the world crack a smile. the engagement hall was big enough to fit a few hundred people, yet only the nearest and dearest to the sturniolos were present. them coupled with a few dozen guards made it seventy.

chris and matt were so stupidly happy for their beloved older brother. they kept teasing and lightly punching nick, who was getting more annoyed by the minute. after witnessing the beautiful engagement, all matt could think about was his own future with y/n. she was rough at the edges, but adored cats.

he still remembered the first time she finally smiled at him. it was after matt managed to save a stray kitten from a tree. after seeing her in that light, he made it his life’s mission to make her his. he had fallen in love and was going to tell her once she came back from the bathroom.

”chris y’know where y/n might be? i’m getting worried.” his hard headed brother was finally whipped, chris thought in his head.

thought in his head cause he was in no mood to get smacked by matt. “bro, y’need to calm the fuck down. she’ll be here.”

as if on cue, a door bust wide open. it wasn’t the bathroom door but the main door. it all happened so fucking fast. too damn fast. the horrifying sound of bullets and screams, echoed throughout the hall. the guards ate most of the bullets for dinner while some of the family got shot, a few at very critical places. the main guard, along with others, managed to whisk only nick and mark along with their parents and other cousins to safety.

chris and matt had already run off into the storage closet of the hall where chris thought a few guards were. alas, they were met with two dead and one fatally injured. they had no time to say their goodbyes while taking the nearly empty mags of three shotguns.

sounds of the huge glass chandelier falling gave the two triplets time to escape that they desperately needed. once the gunshots outside stopped, matt and chris made their getaway on some guards bike. matt and chris had been shot. grazed thankfully just on their arms and abdomen. thank the gods the other side had a couple bad shots, or the two would be bleeding to their deaths right now.

“how the fuck did they know where we were?! no one other than the people inside knew about this!” screamed chris while speeding on the bike, away from the worst ambush ever seen. matt screamed back. “i don’t fucking know! your dumbass probably told one of the girls you fucked! hang on i’m getting a call!”

“i might be dumb but i’m not a fucking idiot! i can’t fucking believe you would-” “shut up chris i can’t hear anything!” the ambush might’ve had some bad shots, but nicks phone call was a shot through the heart for matt.

nick was screaming on the other line. “your fucking girlfriend works for them! i barely saw them talking to her while i was fucking getting shot at!”

matt’s short boat ride, trip down a stormy memory river, was harshly interrupted by yelling. someone familiar was calling out his name. it didn’t create butterflies everywhere in matt’s body. not anymore. it was replaced by the urge to shoot her dead.

downstairs, y/n was yelling as if these words were the last to escape her mouth. “matt! i know you’re here! please just let me explain!” she cried, hoping it wasn’t too late. but it was. she turned around and found herself face to face with matt. y/n’s teary eyes met matt’s cold, bloodshot ones. the tension in the woody cabin was bone chilling. matt’s right hand was occupied by a pistol, aimed point-blank at y/n.

“matt-”

“just shut up y/n! just fucking shut up!” matt's loud voice boomed throughout the small living room of the two floor cabin. “i can’t fucking believe you would do this to me! i’m gonna fucking kill you!” even after saying all this, matt’s shaking hands and voice betrayed him. he didn’t really want to kill y/n, but she was the reason his entire family almost died this evening.

“matt if you could just please let me explain-”

“fuck you y/n. i’m not gonna give you time to get out of this. i fucking trusted you with my life, even if nick and chris told me not to. i knew something was up but i didn’t care. goddamnit, i fucking loved you. so much. i would’ve done anything for you-” matts tears started running their previous course on his face, yet again.

“please don’t kill me matt. just please hear me out-” y/n was terrified. she wanted to explain but she knew she really fucked up. matt was probably going to be the last one to see her… alive.

matt had had enough. he walked towards y/n and pushed her against a wall. he turned off the safety of his gun and forced it into y/n’s temple, while his left forearm was pushed against her neck, just enough to bruise. y/n didn’t fight back. “y’ wanna explain then fuckin’ explain. and do it quick cause i’m in no fuckin’ mood to ever listen to you… ever again!” with a shaky voice, y/n began her reasoning.

“i was ordered to investigate your family. your now broken relationship with the changrettas put you in a tough spot with the immunity that was granted after your father agreed to testify in that sealed murder hearing. uhm-” y/n was worried she was going to get killed for even mentioning matt’s dear father when matt was quick to push the gun further into her side to her head, all while pushing his forearm deeper into y/n’s neck, choking her. “keep going… y’fucking traitor.”

“matt- please i- can’t… breathe…” matt didn’t realise how strong of a grip he had on her neck and loosened it cause he just had to listen to her. such strong love for someone sadly can’t just vaporise no matter how much they’ve hurt them. for matt whose love was hard to come by, things just made it worse… more intense for him. he was getting contradicted by the entire fucking universe. it was becoming too much for someone even as dangerous as him.

y/n deeply inhaled and continued, trying to look anywhere except at matt’s death stare at her. “my agency sent two people undercover into the changretta family and managed to kil- uhm… eliminate or arrest them. we were going to arrest your father because he- i…” matt let out a dry chuckle, “and you told them the best time to get my dad, was the day nick gets engaged-”

y/n knew this was coming. “it wasn’t personal matt-”

“i’m so fucking done with you y/n. you’re the worst fucking bitch i’ve ever met my entire life…”

“there’s a fucking reason you dick!”

all this did was piss off matt even more. he punched the wall right next to y/n’s head out of pure agony, but she didn’t flinch. not one bit. she’s seen way worse than some pissed off guy. but this was matt, who was still her one epic love, even if it wasn’t reciprocated anymore. she was worried cause he might never trust her ever again, but she still does. that’s why she came to him completely unarmed.

matt was so overwhelmed by everything. he was just so fucking tired at this point. he never thought things would turn out the way they did. so he did the one thing he never thought he would do. he threw his pistol away from them and let go of y/n. her fucked up hair, the gun head shaped dent on her temple, and the bruise on y/n neck, piled feelings of shame on matt’s overbearing load of emotions. the dried up tears on matts face were immediately replaced with fresh ones.

he yet again, slunk down on the brown couch and supported his heavy head with shaky hands. y/n was just as tired. tired of herself. she knew she’d crossed a huge line, even if it was with the purest of intentions. seeing the sight of her everything in tears all because of her, made y/n want to hug him and kiss him and tell him that everything was gonna be okay.

she sat next to matt and continued her explanation because he needed to hear it.

“i did all this to protect your dad, matt. the two people who went undercover with the changrettas caught wind of some plan to kill your dad after his testimony… and i couldn’t let that happen. so instead, we replaced some of your guards with our people, over a few weeks so you wouldn’t get too suspicious. then we moved to make contact today only cause nick had told me, he and mark were planning to go on a vacation right after the engagement. right now your dad, mom, nick and justin are under custody but they’re safe. the immunity is granted and since your father is always privy to important information, the agency is protecting him. i have no idea where chris is. last we saw him was with you. i followed you and i sent two others to find him. and now-”

“why couldn’t you tell me y/n? i could’ve helped you-” asked matt. he was still in two minds but the mind that believed in her, overpowered his now weak reasons to kill her. “no you couldn’t have matt. i could’ve told you… any step of the way and all that would’ve done is overcomplicate things. no one if your family could know… mainly cause we believe there’s a mole in your organisation-”

“there’s no fuckin’ mole. i trust those people with my life-”

“just like you trusted me?”

“i’m sorry y/n but what i saw and how i got to know about you… i don’t know if i can believe in you. i’m just so fuckin’ tired and all i’m thinking is how the fuck am i just supposed to take your word for it…”

y/n let out a quiet sigh. “i dunno. i’m in charge to get you safely to our headquarters. but, i can’t let you outta my sight until i get to know chris’ whereabouts. and… i'm pretty sure y’know where he is. ”

“what if you’re fuckin’ tricking me into telling you where chris is?” after so long, matt actually looked at y/n. she was making a phone call. “give the phone to jimmy. the second triplet needs confirmation they’re all safe. here matt.” y/n said while giving her phone to him.

“dad?! please tell me you’re okay!” matt heard the code his father said. only they knew about this phrase. this proved to matt that it was actually his dad. after a minute long conversation, matt gave the phone back to y/n.

“no ma’am, i don’t know where he is. but i will bring both of them safely to the headquarters… yes even if that’s… the last thing i do. thank you ma’am.” y/n said before cutting the encrypted call.

“what do you mean even if it’s the last thing you do?” even after everything matt definitely did not want y/n to die. he still loved her but the trust would take some time. “it’s nothing…” she said, moments before y/n heard the noise of tires screeching on the dirt road of the forest. she was quick to instruct matt.

“stay behind me.”

he walked towards where matt threw his gun and gave it to her. “how’d you know i didn't have a gun?”

matt genuinely chuckled for the first time since this fucked up day. “y’might’ve fooled me, but i still know how to read people jus’ by looking into their eyes. and i definitely know your eyes, sweetheart…”

just before y/n could retort, the door of the cabin slammed open, to reveal a wildly shocked chris, looking at his beloved brother and the girl who was the reason he was on a wild goose chase for the past hour.

”chris, lemme explain…”

”you fucking psycho-”

author’s note 2: i would rlly appreciate any sort of comments (not straight up hate) so as to improve my writing skills and everyone’s reading experience! :) hope u liked it! also happy new years in advance!!!

[maddy-k-reads-all-day]

Amanda is morally grey (the one thing I dislike about this fandom).

Amanda from Amanda the Adventurer is SUCH a morally grey character. That is what I love about her. She isn't a horrible person, but her hands aren't clean either. I've seen this discussion in a couple of places and I'd like to join in. The think I dislike about this fandom is it's tendency to either baby or villainize the characters. But I'm going to talk specifically about how people baby-fy Amanda.

Amanda is supposed to be a sympathetic young child trapped in a horrible situation. We are supposed to feel bad for her. However, I feel like some people take this to a babying extent where they see Amanda as a little baby who can do no wrong.

Amanda has done things that are morally questionable or wrong. Such as:

Hurting and killing Wooly. Now we all know Wooly isn't completely innocent. And given what we do know, we can at least understand why Amanda would do this. But unless we get solid evidence that Wooly did something horrible to deserve this (like direct undeniable proof that he was fully in on Hameln's plan and agreed with their motives and morals or something like that) It doesn't fully justify her behavior. This is one of the more tame and excusable things she's done though because we don't know enough about Wooly to say that she ISN'T justified.

Hurting/Killing Riley. This however is absolutely not justified. In the first game I think it was easier to dismiss it as she did not seem to have much control over herself or the demon. And for the first game this may have been true. However, in the second game she does this twice while she seems to have a VERY clear idea of what she's doing. The first is when she asks us to bring her a toy. We learn in "When you feel bad" that she is AWARE of the demon's presence. So this felt entirely like a threat to me. I think we can excuse this a little because Amanda is a kid with way too much power. I don't want to baby her, but she might not really fully understand the consequences or implications of what she is doing here. She is just a frustrated child acting out and releasing her anger. Thus, she might not be fully thinking through her actions. She does this again in the When You Feel Bad Tape. If you make her happy she tells the demon to leave us alone. But if you don't she DOESN'T. She is fully aware the demon is going to hurt us... and does nothing. Even though she could stop this, she doesn't. Refusing to act is still an action. It is still a choice. Once again, it's a choice she makes when she's really upset with us. A choice she probably isn't thinking through. It is understandable and probably realistic for a child to get wrapped up in their emotions and not think things through. But it still makes Amanda objectively not the best friend one could have.

Finally, to some extent I think Amanda is aware of the danger our involvement with her puts us in. The danger the show presents, the danger Hameln presents, the danger the demons present, and possibly more. Yet she still doesn't try to warn us about this or stop us. This is still very understandable because we are probably the only person left who can help her be free, and she is desperate.

Once again, do not misunderstand me. Amanda is not a horrible villainous person. She is a child who has very little regulation of her emotions or self-control over her actions. A lot of her actions come of as impulsive and in the moment. Not carefully plotted or thought-about. I guess I am trying to say that while she is not a horrible person, she is not someone who is incapable of doing harm or being wrong or doing things that aren't morally correct. She's human. She's flawed. She's morally grey. That is what I love about her.

It's not just Amanda either. Almost all the main characters have done something that threatens our safety or something that is morally questionable. (except Sam, but it's still possible that he might have done something morally questionable in an attempt to save Rebecca in the past that will be revealed later).

Kate involved us in this, knowing to some extent that it was dangerous. She regrets this but it doesn't change what she did. She's also involved others as well, (such as her friends), though she was probably less aware of the extent of the danger she was placing them in back then.

Joanne was willing to put us and Kate in harms way and break the law in order to save her brother. Once again, she regrets this to an extent but it doesn't change the fact that she did it.

And Wooly... I'm not sure whose side he's on but it's probably not ours and his hands are definitely not clean either but this is Amanda's post and I'm not discussing him here.

In short, I kind of dislike how the fandom tends to downplay the character's actions and moral greyness. Even though they are not bad people they are still flawed and made mistakes. Actually I consider most of the bad things these characters did to somewhat be mistakes. Mistakes driven strongly by emotion and personal connection to the situation. Kate wanted to save Rebecca. Joanne wanted to save Jordan. Amanda wants to save herself. All of these motivations are justified. But when put in a situation with high emotion, mistakes and bad choices can be made. None of these characters are incapable of doing harm. None of them are safe from the consequences of their choices and errors. None of them are perfect and all are flawed.

But that's why I love Amanda the Adventurer. This isn't a story of good vs evil. It's regular people who are flawed but well-meaning vs big cooperation that has ill intent.

IDK if what I'm saying makes any sense. I just wanted to join in the conversation and share my take on it. Hope you enjoyed reading this post.

[erumai-maadu]

genin era team gai

assuming this is the reply to the previous ask about if i have headcanons, hell yeah I do!

Tenten also really Did Not like Neji when he was in his ‘fate is immutable everything sucks i’m a genius but i’m a caged bird’ era but put up with him because he was the only other one to train with when Lee and Gai were having their training together

Speaking of which, I hate when people say Gai ignored Tenten and Neji in favor of Lee because we se SO MANY scenes where Gai has the whole team training together. This is less of a headcanon but Gai knows his primary skill set is in general taijutsu techniques, so he makes all of his students drill those until they’re second nature, and then leaves Neji and Tenten to learn their respective specialties on their own with a bit of input or advice from him. Neji’s specialized Hyuuga techniques or Tenten’s weapon mastery aren’t something he has direct knowledge on, but his taijutsu mastery does allow him to be able to give them help in whatever small ways he can. he has an easier time with Lee who directly learns all of Gai’s techniques, but he does not neglect his other students’ training when he’s helping Lee.

Tenten is the first one to learn about Neji’s blind spot, through pure accident. I’ve spoken about this in a previous post but Tenten is very exacting and has a good eye for detail. She canonically loves being a “detective” of sorts, figuring things out and cracking puzzles. I think she starts noticing patterns as Neji dodges her weapon barrages; there are certain spots where he always gets nicked because he dodges late, almost as if he can’t see them in time to get out of the way. She manages to figure out he has some kind of blind spot, and knowing how blunt she is, she probably just goes right up to him and asks.

Tenten figuring out his blind spot is probably what gets Neji to open up to her about his seal, and asking her to help him train his Rotation. He knows she managed to figure out one clan secret already, and she’s been fairly helpful so far in his training, he supposes knowing one more won’t really make a huge difference

Tenten is a great secret keeper. Unless Lee is the one asking. Something about his face and her bond with him just has her spilling every secret to him whether she intended to or not

Lee started training with Gai while he was still in the Academy. They definitely wouldn’t have let him graduate if his none of his skills were good, so I think at a certain point, Gai took notice of him as an Academy student and started helping him. Lee just suddenly started getting Really Fucking Good at taijutsu and all the other Academy kids were like “what the hell” when they realized they’re suddenly losing to the class’ former dead-last

These three could not work together for shit when they first started out. Gai literally had them taking out extra D-ranks on purpose during their first year as genin simply because they couldn’t stop fighting long enough to work together effectively. Their bond that they built is due to several long LONG hours of running punishment laps for fighting.

All of them see Gai as a father figure. Of course we all know this about them but still. for Tenten, Gai is the first major male role model in her life, of course he very quickly becomes a father figure to her. For Lee, Gai is everything he wants to live up to, and they look so alike that of course Lee sees him like a father. With Neji, it’s a bit more complicated, but after losing his father, he hasn’t really had many other good familial relationships within his clan. It’s probably almost comforting to him how different Gai is from Hiashi and the Hyuuga Elders. I think he ends up confiding in Gai a lot and relying on him emotionally.

I’ve written a snippet of this too but Tenten is the first one to kill someone on a mission and Gai helps her through it. She gets through it the quickest of the three as well, but it does fuck her up for a bit because of how soon it is.

it became a tradition that whoever won the three-way sparring match that day to pick what they get for lunch. the winner also gets their food paid for. the longer this goes on the more frequent the visits to spicy curry shops get.

[nihilisticlinguistics]

it's not that I wasn't expecting to feel emotional about the approaching end of a D&D campaign. it's been nearly five years, after all. it's that it has come on like a weird malaise, a sort of quiet heartache feeling.

I think I was imagining a more cathartic feeling. maybe that comes when I close the last door and turn out the last light. there are still final battles to complete, one more mission to finish. but we've reached the end of something, nevertheless. three player characters, with whom I have spent five years, have left mortality behind and that's a kind of dying, right?

I think I'm mourning something, but it's not a regretful feeling. I helped to bring them here. They have been transformed. And maybe the catharsis of this tragedy comes when, in the end, they win, having already lost everything.

(I hope so.)

[crittertalez]

ik most of the wc fandom seems to hate how jayclaw talked to frostpaw/dawn while she was in her coma but honestly i just cant see it as anything but comforting or at the very least not as outrageous as others see it being. like im sorry but i cant look at this

and go auuuugghhh how dare jayclaw tell his dying daughter she doesnt need to live for other people and it should be her choice what she wants to do and she should choose what makes her happy. do i like the idea of frostdawn having given up and died? not exactly? but with how this scene transitions into tree busting in to be like NO YOU HAVE TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE THE FATE OF YOUR COUNTRY LIES SOLELY ON YOU i honestly think jayclaw is being way kinder here by telling her no you deserve to be happy youre allowed to do whatever you want

the *best* option here is that jayclaw or someone else tells frostdawn that if she chooses to live it should be for herself and not for anyone else. but no one tells her that! no one! frostdawn is what, just over 1 year old? shes barely an adult (in cat ages, 1 year = 15 human years, ~18 months is when they get into their 20s and by 2 years theyre actually an adult and not a junior. at 15 months like frostdawn shes like a high school graduate) and yes she should get to live! but not because her country Needs her. and between the way shes treated by the other riverclan cats and how jayclaw treats her here ill take "father in the afterlife gently reassures his dying child that she'll be okay and deserves to choose what will make her happy and what will make sure she suffers the least" over "grown ass adults tell this teenager that she Needs to save her country and everyone she loves will die if she's not there to talk to God for them"

[juliareed]

Fandom: Alias Relationships: Sark/Sydney Song: Spiracle by Flower Face Content warnings: Blood, death, violence, spiders, insects, flashing lights

[thefabelmans2022]

well that's just not true at all is it.

[everykonan]

ch. 446

[shidoukanae]

TME PMV frame thingie WIP

I absolutely adore Helene and Lyla's relationship in both iterations of TME's story and i NEED more qpt gal relationships like theirs is i s2g

it's really, REALLY hard to get me sincerely invested in relationships between female characters but damn am i invested in this one.

Something about a do-good heroine who is abnormally hostile only towards her own half-sister for seemingly no reason (read: "no reason") is a dynamic i can't get enough and seeing Lyla constantly make efforts in both the manhwa/LN to reach out to her is so bittersweet and yet amazingly well done

(and i can't praise enough how amazing Helene is handled as a deeply flawed female character!!! She's genuinely the best written female character ive seen and i wish more gals were written as amazing as she is TwT)

[lightdancer1]

See the further irony is:

That in using 'Mall Goth Sauron' as the take on Dark Willow over 'misogynist has character randomly killed for LULZ' it also allows for greater accountability on the one hand and for Season 7 to thematically focus on repairing all this damage in the midst of facing an enemy of shadows reliant on lies to further itself. The only way to break the Druj is the absolute Truth in a very Zoroastrian sense. Characters don't get to neatly skip past accountability for their actions, and this would spiral over into further later seasons with the essential reality that in an otherwise lower-level setting this one random girl from California is a Dark Phoenix-tier reality warper and the most powerful person on the planet, or the universe.

And the questions of how that power could and should be employed on the one hand and that Willow is essentially a Doctor Strange type who beats up Gods and Eldritch Abominations for her regular line of work where her counterparts deal with the more 'street level' crises would in turn be the logical conclusion of where the show ends. She doesn't do as much physical fighting for the same reason that Stephen Strange never uses magic to go punch the Hulk in the face, her narrative role is ultimately that of Sorceress Supreme of Earth, with literally nobody in an ancient established war anticipating that this one random ginger from California was and is the new Sorceress Supreme and that if they had had such awareness the realities are that this power would and could have taken worse forms.

Unfortunately for the world, the reality too is that it is a shy computer geek who has a not at all subtle dark side and the usual teenage anxieties and insecurities given the equivalent of being able to reliably actually do things other people might dream of but can never do.

But again as long as Dawn Summers being a good thing is a narrative convention that's established memory magic is a poor choice to show the corrupting effects of reality-warping. It's a case of 'yes as established in canon all of this is true for that one season but then they decided to retcon it, so the fans are not obligated to care about it any more than the canon does about this itself.'

[crimeronan]

look i'm fully aware that i'm biased in ronanessy until i die but ohhhhh my god greywaren hennessy. oh my god greywaren hennessy especially at the Start Of The Book. greywaren hennessy who keeps trying so so so hard to kill herself and binge drinking and doing hard drugs and smashing things up and frightening everyone around her even though she's ostensibly gotten exactly what she so desperately wanted for the entirety of the first two books, even though she's free from the fear of apocalypse and destruction for the first time.... hennessy going nuclear when jordan breaks up with her and immediately trying to find ways to destroy even more shit.... hennessy who was not even this bad off in cdth when she was literally actively constantly dying and her narration saying nothing about it beyond lmao i'm my mother's daughter.... how there's something stark and yawning and looming in what she DOESN'T say even more than what she Does...... and then after half the book or so of this manic imploding collapse she's like. okay.

i think i killed my best friend.

[goatyuuji]

Baby Megumi whose mom died at a young age, whose father abandoned him and sold him to the Zenins, whose step-mother ran away with the money they got from the Zenin clan. I wholeheartedly believe that kid would have grown up with serious abandonment issues. That little boy who only wanted the best for his step-sister because in the end she didn’t abandon him like the rest of his family so that’s why he has to protect her, her kindness, he has to become a jujutsu sorcerer so he can be strong enough to save her. That kid meeting another kid who is kind, compassionate, silly enough to eat a curse object, but he loves that kid now and that means he needs to save him too. This boy who only wants to save his sister and this new kid he befriended but ends up harming them both, killing his elder sister with his own technique and unable to do anything as the curse residing in his body harms the pink-hair boy he loved and wanted to save while his soul sinks deeper and deeper. So…he gives up…he gives up fighting because who else is left, there is no one, no body that wants him around anymore.

That little kid hearing the words “it’ll be lonely without you around”….i can only imagine the feeling of being wanted, being needed that would have rushed into him after hearing that. The feeling of ‘I am not alone’, ‘there is someone that wants me for me’ coming from that one boy that he needed from the most.