#who knows if i sit anywhere on that spectrum (even my mom thinks i do) but if i don't. i just want to be careful | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

umbrellas-umbrellaseverywhere · 4 years ago

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Van HCs

Okay so I saw this post ->

And I HAD to do it for the TUA bbs so I hope you guys enjoy :P

This is how they would sit and no you cannot change my mind

Luther

okay so maybe a couple of the siblings tried to fight Luther for driving rights

but Luther is the WORST when it comes to backseat driving

like Allison is pretty bad and don't even get me STARTED on Diego

but, god

Luther is the WORST

he also totally does that thing every dad I know does where he has to check a million times to make sure they have everything before they go ANYWHERE

"and you're SURE we brought the-"

"for fucks sake YES, we have EVERYTHING"

literally tunes everyone else out as soon as they hit the highway and is v focused on the road

because he'll be damned if they went through all this shit and then end up dying because he hit a slick spot on the road

Diego

he's the one who fought Luther the hardest for driving privilege

he lost but only because Luther annoys the fuck out of him when he tries to drive

honestly the only reason he even wanted to drive was because Luther drives so S L O W

like c'mon

everyone knows speed limits are only suggestions

since he doesn't get to drive, he has total control over the radio

even though everyone HATES the station he chooses

half of them are convinced he just picks the stations he thinks will annoy Luther the most

but Luther doesn't even pay attention so it's pretty much in vain

when he gets bored of messing with Luther he gazes out the window like a bored kid on a long road trip

Allison

mom

will fucking death glare anyone who tries to fuck with her so the back seaters (Klaus) don't even bother at this point

usually working on something (reading a book, looking through a stack of papers, working on some minuscule project)

honestly would've caved and taken a back seat if pressed hard enough, but super relieved that it didn't come to that

had to put down whatever she was doing a few times to stop a verbal spat

usually between Five and Klaus

she doesn't even really bother with Luther and Diego anymore

maybe tried to start up a game a few times, but gave up when it fell flat

bit of a backseat driver

Klaus

boy oh boy

everyone has beef with Klaus by the end of any road trip they go on

legitimately refuses to shut up the entire time

nags Diego persistently until he caved and allows him to pick the station for the duration of ONE song

fucks with Five CONSTANTLY

flicking Five on the back of his head

leaning over the seat to look at whatever Five is doing

asks so. many. questions.

the only time he gets quiet is when he receives one of Allison's death glares

but even that doesn't restrain him for long

the only joy he reaps from these car rides is from witnessing his siblings getting more and more exasperated at his antics

Five

mah boy just wants to gaze longingly out the window like the emo he is

gets super pissy at Klaus but honestly knows he would get bored if Klaus weren't there

that doesn't mean he won't snap a few times

would've been prepared to physically fight any of his siblings if they tried to seat him in the back

"hey guys, you ever heard of the quiet game?"

while Klaus does entertain him (not that he would admit it) he genuinely does wish he could get some peace and quiet

after 45 years you get used to peace and quiet

does crosswords and reads books when he can

Ben

Ben honestly hits both ends of the spectrum when it comes to car rides

for a good half of the trip, he retreats into his own little world

for the other half, he is the life of the unwanted party

he acts as Klaus' right hand man

but he's the one who comes up with increasingly rash ways to irritate the family

having Klaus drop ice cubes down Five's shirt? best moment of the whole trip.

in his calmer moments on the trip, he sometimes glances over Allison's shoulder to read along with her

he's the only one who manages to fall asleep in the car

Vanya

quiet bb

she reads books and newspapers and such

talks to Five about random things for a while

tries to keep Klaus entertained for the sake of the others, but he seems to get even more hyper on these trips so she can't keep him busy for long

tries to nap a few times but can't manage to get there

enjoys watching her siblings doing their individual things

is honestly super entertained by Klaus and plays along with a few of the things he and Ben pull

taps on Five's right shoulder and acts completely innocent when he turns around to look at her

he glares at Klaus and tries to figure out how he's turning away so quickly

until Vanya let's out a chuckle and gives it away

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annaraebananawriter · 4 years ago

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Hands

First off...HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE SQUID!!!

I honestly had no idea it was his birthday until last night from twitter. I was in the middle of writing this scene, in fact, and realized ‘Hey, you know what? I could probably get this done in time for it!’. Now here we are.

Secondly...This is a scene from one of my WIP’s. It will probably take place somewhere in the middle chapters, but I saw that it was a fairly out of context scene to show that it wouldn’t really matter if I showed it now as a teaser or later.

Obviously, I chose the latter.

That said, this is set to change a bit as the WIP develops, but it’ll be nice to see what you all think of it. Hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Undertale, but specifically UTMV

Pairings: Implied Errorink, or Pre-Errorink

Characters: Error (Who belongs to CQ) and Ink (Who belongs to Comyet)

Warnings: Nothing really. Although, again, it is a scene from a wip, which means that it is not in it’s final form. Let me know!

Word Count: 2488

~oOo~

His phone buzzed on the floor beside him. Ink paused in the middle of trying to balance a pencil on his finger, which was probably a losing battle, but since when has that ever stopped him before? That’s right, never. And it never would. Setting the pencil aside, he checked his phone and read the short message.

mommy-bear

Are you coming home for supper? It’s past 5.

Ink jumped, looking outside to see that, indeed, the sun was lower in the sky and time had in fact passed. They must’ve gotten lost in the throughs of their homework, or the casual avoidance of it, for one of them. Error seems to have made some sort of headway into the work from Mx. Alex. Good for him. He’ll be able to hand it in on Monday without it bugging him in the back of his mind while he ignores that bugging and just doddles instead of doing his work like he should until the next thing he knows it’s almost midnight on Sunday and he still hasn’t gotten it done.

But honestly, who would do that? Certainty not Ink.

Error had also noticed his jump and was looking at him now. “What is it?”

“Just a text from my mom.” He answered, gathering up his things. A glance to his study buddy showed Error blinking and setting down his pencil as well in order to listen. “She was just wondering where I was. It’s after five, y’know? I said I’d be back then.”

“Oh.” Error fell silent after that.

Once his things were all accounted for (he did lose his eraser for a minute there and partially freaked out about it, which was kind of silly as he had plenty more than just this one white one, others that were far more colourful, but he didn’t have to worry for long—Error had silently placed it on the bed for him to grab, making Ink smile in gratitude), Ink walked to the bedroom door and got to the top of the stairs before he realized another pair of footsteps were following him.

Man, Error really needed to take him up on the suggestion of bells. He was too silent on his feet, just too much like a ghost for his liking. Not that he didn’t like ghosts. He just didn’t like people being silent when their walking. It made him paranoid.

Ink turned around. “You know I can just walk myself back, right? I literally live right next door.” He held up one finger. “That’s the house right beside yours.”

Error scowled, just like he always did when Ink pointed things out like that. It was also a reason why he was determined to point things like that out as often as he did, which was rather often. “Don’t be stupid. Of course I know that.”

“Then why are you following me?”

“What if I wasn’t? What if I just decided to get some food? To do that, I’d need to go to the kitchen, which is also downstairs.” He gestured to the passageway to said downstairs. “Those are the only stairs to get there.”

Ink smirked, “You have a box on the top shelf of your closet where you keep all the chocolate you bought, stole, or stole from Fell.” This statement was rewarded with a light blush of embarrassment from Error, who looked around as if to make sure his brothers didn’t overhear.

Ink was sure that they already knew though.

He also suspected that they put chocolate in the box too, as Error was sometimes surprised that there was some there when he had said he had eaten it all.

“I didn’t even say I was getting chocolate! I might be getting something else.”

“You don’t snack on anything but chocolate.” Error’s scowl deepened. “You also sort of admitted to following me” He couldn’t help but laugh when the blush on Error’s skull deepened in realization and his taller friend looked away from him. It was always interesting to see just how much it took to get to this shade of blue, with the yellow freckle-like dots just barely seen overtop. The sight made Ink want to draw it.

He wanted to draw it so badly.

Laughter dying down, Ink tilted his head and smiled at Error. “If you wanted to walk with me, you could’ve just asked.”

For some reason, Error glanced back at him and quickly looked away again, blush deepening again, the yellow becoming brighter. He also started to glitch a little bit, which would normally spark a tiny bit of worry, but he could see that the other wasn’t in any danger, so he had no reason to worry. If the glitches got worse, then he could worry.

That was…pretty much the saying for being friends with him.

‘If the glitches got worse, then you could worry.’

Error burrowed down, like he usually would if he had his scarf on. It was, presumably, back in his room. Weird. The glitch he knew never went anywhere without his scarf; at school, at home, at the café, at the park, walking, sitting, it was always on. Well, it probably came off at home. Here he was with his family, a safe, happy environment away from the judging eyes of school and the city. He could be himself here. That’s an assumption, at least, hopefully the right one. Ink didn’t know the relationship between skeleton and scarf and never asked, never would talk about it until, or if, Error brought it up. He wanted to respect his privacy, after all.

But now that he thought about it, the scarf had been coming off around him lately. It had started off small. It started with it being up to his mouth, almost as if a way to hide or be smaller than he was. That was how it was for a while. Then one morning, it was down just a bit, just under his mouth. And as the days passed and the two talked more and became friends, the scarf would be lower and lower. Down to the chin in Math. Under the chin the next day. Around his neck a week later in English class.

It was almost like earning his trust. He had earned Error’s trust, which meant that he got to see the skeleton behind the scarf. The true, unshielded one.

It was…kind of nice, to be honest.

Ink blinked, coming back to himself and realizing that Error had mumbled something.

“Sorry, what?”

Error looked back at him and sighed a little before speaking up just enough so that Ink could hear. “I said, can I…walk with you?” His arms went in front of him. Ink guessed that it was a temporary shield in place of the scarf.

He was prepared to be rejected and just walk back to his room.

Well, Ink couldn’t have that, now could he?

“Of course!” The smile on his face widened and he started down the stairs with lighter steps. It was always nice when friends offered to walk you home or something of the sort. The walk was less lonely, even if you never spoke a word.

It’s just how it was.

They talked in the small time it took to get from Error’s house to Ink’s. Well, that wasn’t really true. Ink did most of the talking, which ended up being mostly complaints about homework and school and also talk about his works in progresses. Error just listened quietly, humming or nodding in certain spots. He would like to think that Ink could talk about nothing at all and Error would listen. It just seemed to be the way he was.

Their friendship was a good one. Maybe there were a few unbalances here and there, but overall, it was good and healthy and, most importantly, mutual. It benefited both of them in different ways. Ink had someone who would listen without interrupting, who cared about his interest and how he felt, even though he didn’t have a soul and relied on substitutes. Error had someone who didn’t pressure him into a conversation, who gave him and respected his personal space and asked before touching his things and body. It was like a missing piece just fell into place, so perfect, it felt like it hadn’t been missing at all.

That said, there were some hurdles.

Like how Ink was soulless. There was always that thought, loud or quiet, one that questioned whether the love he felt towards his friends and family was real. Or if he was just deluding himself and everyone around him into thinking that they were. This thought had always been there, since before Dream and Blue, before Error, before anyone he was with now—what if it was all fake?

It was kind of silly. The substitutes he took acted as a soul. It supplied him his soul magic, the working parts of his body and the emotion spectrum. He may not feel things as intensely as others and may be lacking a feeling in a certain way, but that didn’t mean they weren’t real. They’re substitutes for a reason, after all.

…Ah! They’ve arrived at his house.

Ink blinked, stopping on the first step and turning back to Error. “So…” he said, finding himself unable to think of what else to say. He shifted awkwardly and cleared his throat. “I’ll see you next Friday?” He tried to think back on what else was going on in school. “We have some sort of project to do or test to study for, right?”

Error nodded. “Yeah, I think so.” He fell silent too, but didn’t leave like Ink had expected. He lingered, clearly thinking about something with the way his arms slightly glitched around. He didn’t say anything, though.

“Anything else?” Ink asked, trying to prompt him.

The blush, which had died down as they walked over here, brightened again. “Um…yeah, actually.” Error straightened and fiddled with his sleeve. “Do you remember the lesson we had…I think it was a month ago? In Health?”

Ink rocked on his heels as he thought. It was times like these that he cursed his memory. A month ago…a month ago…he didn’t really remember a lot of the lessons from a month ago. But the ones that he did… “Do you mean the one about the different types of intimacy? I only recall that it was about intimacy, nothing specific.”

“Yeah…yeah, that’s the one.”

“Okay…why is it important?” Curious. Error rarely asked him if he could remember a lesson from as long as a month ago. He knew how bad Ink’s memory was, so why did he ask? And why now, of all times?

“I, uh…w-well…” Error stuttered. Error didn’t normally stutter. It was only when he glitched really badly and was on the verge of crashing that he stuttered, or lagged, as he liked to call it. Normally, though, he spoke fine, if quiet and almost echoey.

Speaking of glitches…the ones on his arms had quickened up a little. Not enough to be too worrying yet, but definitely something to watch over.

Frowning, Ink was just about to bring that to attention when Error spoke again, voice clearer. “Just…can you…raise your hand?” He slowly brought up a hand with the inside facing Ink, like he was to high-five someone. “Like this?”

Ink eyed him suspiciously.

One of the first things he had learned about Error was that the other had haphephobia. He couldn’t stand people touching him, as it usually caused a flurry of glitches in the touched spot, and sometimes it was so bad that the minute someone touched him, he crashed. Those days were few, but they have happened. Ink had been lucky that it hasn’t happened since meeting Error. But this fact he had taken in and committed to memory, determined to not trigger his friend like that.

He would hate himself, if he did.

But now Error was asking him to raise his hand? For what? He couldn’t see them high-fiving. It would be too painful for Error and frankly a bit of a reach for Ink (he hated being short like that). And because it would be painful, he couldn’t see why he had to raise his hand.

But he was curious.

Curiosity usually made his answers for him.

Just as slowly as Error did, Ink raised his hand, mirroring the one in front of him.

Error inhaled and…

Ink’s mind froze.

He could barely focus on Error stepping closer as excitement and happiness began to take over. The urge to squeal was overwhelming, but he reigned himself in as he knew that wouldn’t help Error at all. It would probably just make him run away and never come near Ink again. And he didn’t want that. So, he forced himself to stay still and stay quiet, eyes focused on the hand that started to come closer and closer to his.

He could see the black bones begin to glitch a ton and felt a spark of worry—despite what might just happen, he didn’t want Error to hurt himself. He would never want him to—he should speak up now. He should tell Error to stop and calm down.

They didn’t have to do it like this.

They didn’t even have to touch at all!

They didn’t…have to…

It was…warm.

Fuzzy.

The hands contrasted starkly and they would be stunning in a painting. The white of Inks and the black of Errors. They were different, but they looked so well together.

This…This had to be a dream.

But it wasn’t. There was a light touch to his bones, just enough to know that the hand against his was, in fact, against his and trembling ever so slightly and actually existed in the world and not just his imagination. Somehow, this made it even more surreal. He knew it was real…but he just couldn’t believe it.

If this was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

Despite his promise to stay still, Ink shakily inhaled.

And just like that, the spell was broken.

Error retracted his hand and walked away quickly. Ink was slow to realize what was happening and so by the time his hand was up and the name of his tongue, his friend was already gone. He stood there with his arm outstretched, gazing at the house next door blankly.

He slowly looked down at his hand.

It still tingled.

Gently wrapping his other hand around it, not daring to actually touch, he brought the hands closer to his chest, right over where his soul would be.

It felt like something should be beating wildly in there.

It felt like some new emotion had been lodged in his substitutes.

And somehow, it felt like that contact, the light touch of hands, was far more intimate than a kiss had ever and would ever be.

#my writing #my fanfiction #oneshot #teaser #errorink #implied errorink #pre-errorink #error sans #ink sans #utmv #fluff #happy birthday ink!

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qqueenofhades · 4 years ago

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I really don’t want to start a discourse™, but I want you to know that I really appreciate how you write joe and Nicky in deo volente. So many of the fics I’ve read have placed yusef in the role of more sexually experienced and less devoted to god, while Nicky is depicted as an inexperienced and virginal priest/knight/monk and so forth and so on. Your narrative of joe out there rescuing people and being faithful, while Nicky looks back on his life of gambling and pleasures of the flesh ...(1/?)

Not to say that there’s anything wrong with either, obviously. I love guilty priest Nicky and repressed Nicky and p much every Nicky. But in the vast array of fics out there, it’s rare to see the opposite. Not that you’re working in a binary morally good/religious vs. not way. Your writing in the fic is really subtle and and your characterizations reveal a lot of depth. I just think it’s cool to see Nicky, average second son of a duke, drinking and gambling and feeling terribly guilty (2/?)

Guilty about the crusades and the fucking horror of crusade 1 without being excessively devout. Just an average dude. Not some paragon of virtue (btw, I’m on chapter 2 of the fic, so I don’t know how much your characterization changes moving forward. You have a lovely ability to combine your incredible knowledge of history, your beautiful writing, and these intimate details of the characters that make them fit— fit the canon and fit the history. (3/? Shit I’m sorry this had gotten way too long)

I enjoy the way you’ve really inserted us into the quotidian aspect of history. Aaaaaanyway— the discourse that I was afraid of: I think that a lot of fans of the movie that are generating fan content (tysfm to all of you beauties, btw 🙏🙏♥️) are westerners (which is a whole nother kettle of fish) and that carries a sort of ignorance about the Muslim world in the Middle Ages and this desire to simplify Europe as “Christian” “fighters for faith” etc. (4/? Fuuuuck. One(??) more)

And when we do that, we end up as characterizing the brown people as “not that”. The thing I love about this fandom is that people are definitely down on the crusades. I feel like all the fic I’ve read has been particularly negative about those wars, but the thing I love about your fic is that you don’t just say war is bad because people died and it was despicable and this pious white dude says so and this one brown person agrees. (5/6, I see the end in sight I swear it)

Instead you give us a larger cast of Muslims and Arabs and really flesh them out and give them opinions and different interpretations of faith, and I really appreciate that. The crusades were terrible, and we know this because these regular dudes who struggle with their different faiths and lives say so. And I just. I think that’s really great. Also, I fucking love yusef’s mom. I feel like more people would be accepting of the gift in this fashion and I think she’s lovely and (god damn it 6/7)

Aaaaaaaand. The bit where yusef returns and she’s already gone breaks my fucking heart. Also the moment where he’s like “I’m not sure about Abraham’s god, but my mothers god is worth my faith”?? Just really fucking great. So. Excellent fic. Excellent characters. Excellent not-being-accidentally-biased-towards-white-Christians. That is what I came here to say. Thank you so much for your amazing stories. I love them and I love history. Sorry about the rambling. idek how I wrote so much. (7/7)

Epilogue: tl;dr: you’re great.

Oh man! What a huge and thoughtful comment (which will in turn provoke a long-ass response from me, so…) I absolutely agree that no matter what fandom, I don’t do Discourse TM; I just sit in my bubble and stay in my lane and do my own thing and create content I enjoy. And I don’t even think this is that so much as just… general commentary on character and background? So obviously all of this should be read as my own personal experience and choices in writing DVLA, and that alone. I really appreciate you for saying that you love a wide range of fan creators/fanworks and you’re not placing one over another, you understand that fans have diverse ranges of backgrounds/experience with history and other cultures when they create content, and that’s not the same for everyone. So I just think that’s a great and respectful way to start things off.

First, as a professional historian who has written a literal PhD thesis on the crusades, I absolutely understand that many people (and regular fans) will not have the same privilege/education/perspective that I do, and that’s fine! They should not be expected to get multiple advanced degrees to enjoy a Netflix movie! But since I DO have that background, and since I’ve been working on the intellectual genealogy of the crusades (and the associated Christian/Muslim component, whether racially or religiously) since I was a master’s student, I have a lot of academic training and personal feelings that inform how I write these characters. Aside from my research on all this, my sister lives in an Islamic country and her boyfriend is a Muslim man; I’ve known a lot of Muslims and Middle Easterners; and especially with the current political climate of Islamophobia and the reckoning with racism whether in reality or fandom, I have been thinking about all this a lot, and my impact on such.

Basically: I love Nicky dearly, but I ADORE Joe, and as such, I’m protective of him and certainly very mindful of how I write him. Especially when the obvious default for westerners in general, fandom-related or otherwise, is to write what you are familiar with (i.e. the European Christian white character) and be either less comfortable or less confident or sometimes less thoughtful about his opposing number. I have at times tangentially stumbled across takes on Joe that turn me into the “eeeeeeeh” emoji or Dubious Chrissy Teigen, but I honestly couldn’t tell you anything else about them because I was like, “nope not for me” and went elsewhere rather than do Discourse (which is pretty much a waste of time everywhere and always makes people feel bad). This is why I’m always selective about my fan content, but especially so with this ship, because I have SO much field-specific knowledge that I just have to make what I like and which suits my personal tastes. So that is what I do.

Obviously, there’s a troublesome history with the trope of “sexually liberate brown person seduces virginal white character into a world of Fleshly Decadence,” whether from the medieval correlation of “sodomite” and “Saracen,” or the nineteenth-century Orientalist depictions of the East as a land variously childishly simplistic, societally backward, darkly mysterious and Exotic, or “decadent” (read: code for sexually unlike Western Europe, including the spectrum of queer acts). So when I was writing DVLA, I absolutely did not want to do that and it’s not to my taste, but I’m not going to whip out a red pen on someone else writing a story that broadly follows those parameters (because as I said, I stay in my lane and don’t see it anyway). Joe to me is just such an intensely complex and lovely Muslim character that that’s the only way I feel like I can honestly write him, and I absolutely love that about him. So yeah, any depiction of hypersexualizing him or making him only available for the sexual use and education of the white character(s) is just... mmm, not for me.

For example, I stressed over whether it was appropriate to move his origin from “somewhere in the Maghreb” to Cairo specifically, since Egypt, while it IS in North Africa, is not technically part of the Maghreb. I realize that Marwan Kenzari’s family is Tunisian and that’s probably why they chose it, to honor the actor’s heritage, but on the flip side… “al-Kaysani” is also a specifically Ismai’li Shia name (it’s the name of a branch of it) and the Fatimids (the ruling dynasty in Jerusalem at the time of the First Crusade) were well-known for being the only Ismai’li Shia caliphate. (This is why the Shi’ites still ancestrally dislike Saladin for overthrowing it in 1174, even if Saladin is a huge hero to the rest of the Islamic world.) Plus I really wanted to use medieval Cairo as Joe’s homeland, and it just made more sense for an Ismai’li Shia Fatimid from Cairo (i.e. the actual Muslim denomination and caliphate that controlled Jerusalem) to be defending the Holy City because it was personal for him, rather than a Sunni Zirid from Ifriqiya just kind of turning up there. Especially due to the intense fragmentation and disorganization in the Islamic world at the time of the First Crusade (which was a big part of the reason it succeeded) and since the Zirids were a breakaway group from the Fatimids and therefore not very likely to be militarily allied with them. As with my personal gripes about Nicky being a priest, I decided to make that change because I felt, as a historian, that it made more sense for the character. But I SUPER recognize it as my own choices and tweaks, and obviously I’m not about to complain at anyone for writing what’s in graphic novel/bonus content canon!

That ties, however, into the fact that Nicky has a clearly defined city/region of origin (Genoa, which has a distinct history, culture, and tradition of crusading) and Joe is just said to be from “the Maghreb” which…. is obviously huge. (I.e. anywhere in North Africa west of Egypt all the way to Morocco.) And this isn’t a fandom thing, but from the official creators/writers of the comics and the movie. And I’m over here like: okay, which country? Which city? Which denomination of Islam? You’ve given him a Shia name but then point him to an origin in Sunni Ifriqiya. If he’s from there, why has he gone thousands of miles to Jerusalem in the middle of a dangerous war to help his religious/political rivals defend their territory? Just because he’s nice? Because it was an accident? Why is his motivation or reason for being there any less defined or any less religious (inasmuch as DVLA Nicky’s motive for being on the First Crusade is religious at all, which is not very) than the white character’s? In a sense, the Christians are the ones who have to work a lot harder to justify their presence in the Middle East in the eleventh century at all: the First Crusade was a specifically military and offensive invasion launched at the direct behest of the leader of the Western Roman church (Pope Urban II.) So the idea that they’re “fighting for the faith” or defending it bravely is…

Eeeeh. (Insert Dubious Chrissy Teigen.)

But of course, nobody teaches medieval history to anyone in America (except for Bad Game of Thrones History Tee Em), and they sure as hell don’t teach about the crusades (except for the Religious Violence Bad highlight reel) so people don’t KNOW about these things, and I wish they DID know, and that’s why I’m over here trying to be an academic so I can help them LEARN it, and I get very passionate about it. So once again, I entirely don’t blame people who have acquired this distorted cultural impression of the crusades and don’t want to do a book’s worth of research to write a fic about a Netflix movie. I do hope that they take the initiative to learn more about it because they’re interested and want to know more, since by nature the pairing involves a lot of complex religious, racial, and cultural dynamics that need to be handled thoughtfully, even if you don’t know everything about it. So like, basically all I want is for the Muslim character(s) to be given the same level of respect, attention to detail, background story, family context, and religious diversity as any of the white characters, and Imma do it myself if I have to. Dammit.

(I’m really excited to hear your thoughts on the second half of the fic, especially chapter 3 and chapter 6, but definitely all of it, since I think the characters they’re established as in the early part of the fic do remain true to themselves and both grow and struggle and go through a realistic journey with their faith over their very long lives, and it’s one of my favorite themes about DVLA.)

Anyway, about Nicky. I also made the specific choice to have him be an average guy, the ordinary second son of a nobleman who doesn’t really know what he’s doing with his life and isn’t the mouthpiece of Moral Virtue in the story, since as he himself realizes pretty quick, the crusades and especially the sack/massacre of Jerusalem are actually horrific. I’ve written in various posts about my nitpicking gripes with him being a priest, so he’s not, and as I said, I’m definitely avoiding any scenario where he has to Learn About The World from Joe. That is because I want to make the point that the people on the crusades were people, and they went for a lot of different reasons, not all of which were intense personal religious belief. The crusades were an institution and operated institutionally. Even on the First Crusade, where there were a lot of ordinary people who went because of sincere religious belief, there was the usual bad behavior by soldiers and secular noblemen and people who just went because it was the thing to do. James Brundage has an article about prostitution and miscegenation and other sexual activity on the First Crusade; even at the height of this first and holy expedition, it was happening. So Nicky obviously isn’t going to be the moral exemplar because a) the crusades are horrific, he himself realizes that, and b) it’s just as historically accurate that he wouldn’t be anyway. Since the idea is that medieval crusaders were all just zealots and ergo Not Like Us is dangerous, I didn’t want to do that either. If we think they all went because they were all personally fervent Catholics and thus clearly we couldn’t do the same, then we miss a lot of our own behavior and our parallel (and troubling) decisions, and yeah.

As well, I made a deliberate choice to have Nicky’s kindness (which I LOVE about him, it’s one of my favorite things, god how refreshing to have that be one of the central tenets of a male warrior character) not to be something that was just… always there and he was Meek and Good because a priest or whatever else. Especially as I’ve gotten older and we’ve all been living through these ridiculous hellyears (2020 is the worst, but it’s all been general shit for a while), I’ve thought more and more about how kindness is an active CHOICE and it’s as transgressive as anything else you can do and a whole lot more brave than just cynicism and nihilism and despair. As you’ll see in the second half of the fic, Nicky (and Joe) have been through some truly devastating things and it might be understandable if they gave into despair, but they DON’T. They choose to continue to be good people and to try and to actively BE kind, rather than it being some passive default setting. They struggle with it and it’s raw and painful and they’re not always saints, but they always come down on the side of wanting to keep doing what they’re doing, and I… have feelings about that.

Anyway, this is already SUPER long, so I’ll call it quits for now. But thank you so much for this, because I love these characters and I love the story I created for them in DVLA, since all this is personal to me in a lot of ways, and I’m so glad you picked up on that.

#history #medieval history #queer history #dvla asks #long post #the old guard meta #anonymous #ask

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lesbian-vmin · 4 years ago

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The Topic of Gender Identity - JM Focus

So. This is something that I’ve gotten asked about a few times since people became interested in my analyses. And it’s something I’ve always avoided answering because it seems to me that the topic of gender is way more touchy than the topic of sexuality.

I’m also the sort of person who doesn’t like people talking about things without some form of experience on the topic. I can talk about how I see the potential of someone being gay because I’m gay. I know what it’s like to be gay. I know what it’s like to be afraid for people to find out that you’re gay (passed that, but been there). Someone who isn’t gay and never questioned it wouldn’t have any idea what it’s like.

As someone who has struggled with gender identity myself, I’ve decided that I’ll talk about this. I’d say that I have a controversial opinion on this topic, but no matter what you say about gender identity, one person or another is going to think it’s controversial. So, really, everyone has a controversial opinion on the topic. As it is not my intention to offend anyone, I decided to share that controversial opinion. Anyway. Read on if you can handle someone talking about their opinion without getting riled up that it might be different than yours, and if you’re curious about my thoughts on the topic. If not. Move on. (BELOW THE CUT)

So. Let me start by putting in the “short story” of my gender identity, so you kind of get the idea where I’m coming from when I state my opinion on this topic. You can skip this to the part where I start talking about Jimin, but I just wanted to add this in here so you have an idea of where I’m coming from.

Currently, I identify as a cis-female lesbian, but it took me a long time to accept myself as a female. Honestly. When I was a child, I was more okay with the fact that I liked girls than the fact that I was a girl. Liking girls never felt wrong to me. Liking girls as a girl is what felt wrong. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I know how I felt.

I was what they called a “tom-boy” back in the day. I’m not sure if that term is offensive now? But I always related with the label for some reason.

My parents have a lot to do with my current view on gender identity. My mom told me when I was a little baby, my favorite color was pink. It’s currently pink. She said that once I started learning the names of colors and that they had “genders”, I took a hard turn to the color blue. I pretended that blue was my favorite color for a big part of my life, throughout high school, because I didn’t want to be associated with the “girly” things.

I also liked Hotwheels as child. I was obsessed with cars. This is something I was genuinely interested in, and not just because I wanted to distance myself from girly things. At McDonald’s they often have “boy toys” and “girl toys”. I also have one brother and two sisters. When my mom took us to McDonald’s, she’d always say she wanted “two hotwheels and two barbies”. If the checker ever said “girls and boy toys” my mom would again specify hotweels and barbies. Because she didn’t understand why they were “girl and boy toys”. As a child, I was changing her perspective on gender.

We used to go to Christmas parties when I was a kid, and Santa would always hand out presents to the kids. It always seemed they gave the boys certain toys, and the girls always got dolls or doll related things. So I started to hate going to these Christmas parties. I also question why Santa didn’t buy me the gifts I wanted. He was supposed to know what every child wanted. One year, my mom talked to the people who decided the gift buying, and they got me a giant collection of hotwheels. This Santa became my favorite.

Anyhow. I always wanted to be my dad’s son. I wanted to him to play sports with me and grill with him like he would do with my brother. When I showed more interest in those things than my brother did, he started doing them with me instead. I’d help him build things. I’d play sports with him. And we always grilled together. Until I got older and started going through the inevitable changes that every girl goes through. He stopped treating me like a son and started treating me like a daughter, and it really upset me that my dad’s whole attitude toward me would have changed like that. So I started hating being a girl even more.

Anyway, long story short (believe me, there’s a lot more to this story, but this is a Jimin focus. Not a Koala focus). I eventually came to accept that I was a girl, and actually like feminine things. But, at the same time, I actually like masculine things, too. Coming out to my family as gay really allowed me to express my gender identity more. And I think it’s funny because they often point out how I became more feminine after coming out when many females do it the opposite. I explained to them that I always wanted to be “straight” and like girls, but when I fully accepted myself as gay, I fully accepted myself as female, too.

That being said, I didn’t give in to gender norms or anything like that. I just stopped pretending to hate all feminine things for the fear of being “too much of a girl” to like girls. Pink is my favorite color, but I’ll take the whole fucking rainbow any day. I love hotwheels, and I know more about cars than most modern boys do. I know about computers, and I love math. I absolutely love playing sports (I don’t like watching them so much). I love high fantasy, and I love playing d&d with my friends. But I also love sitting down to a nice romantic movie every now and then. I play all kinds of video games from fps to dress up games, and I love the fact that I don’t have to be apologetic about any of it. I can fix my own kitchen sink and give you tips about how to get stains out of the carpet. I still hate dolls, and they are fucking creepy to me.

I can accept the term bigender for myself, but I label myself as cis-female. Because I don’t want society to tell me that “feminine” things are for girls and “masculine” things are for boys. And tell me how I need to identify because of my like or distaste for either. I don’t mind “feminine” and “masculine” labels, but I don’t think it should determine how much of a “boy” or “girl” you are. I know that people identify as trans and anywhere on the spectrum for reasons that go beyond that, and that’s fine. My story goes far beyond that as well, but that’s pretty much my main focus that brings me to this point.

So. Let’s talk about Jimin now.

IN RELATION TO JIMIN

So, I’ve had exactly one ask that wanted to know if I would refer to Jimin as “they” instead of “he” because we don’t know how he identifies, but I think that can be true for anyone. Just because JK presents himself as more masculine with the fact that he works out and is a “boy” boy, we can’t presume that he identifies as a cis-male. Even if he likes all masculine things, and there’s nothing feminine about him (which isn’t true, but even if it was), we can’t just assume that he identifies as cis-male and is totally comfortable in his 100% male role. So the fact that this seems to come up mostly in relation to Jimin kind of proves how it’s a societal “masculine” and “feminine” thing when it comes many people’s view on gender identity.

I’ve also had a lot of people come to my inbox and talk about how they don’t see why people question Jimin’s gender. “He’s not feminine at all.” And, let me just say that he really is, and I don’t think it would offend him for me to blatantly state that. When he first debuted, he really tried to present himself as masculine, and he wanted to be seen as a “strong/real man.” But he’s eased himself into what he’s more comfortable with, and he, himself, talks about this transformation. How he doesn’t have pretend anymore, and he can just be who he is. And that’s a wonderful thing. And him talking about it the way he does (I’d love to go back and find examples, so people share links if you have any otherwise it’s going to take me ages to source this) kind of tells me that he wants people to realize his transformation. That he is so unbothered by both his feminine and masculine traits that he isn’t bothered if people see him more one way or the other.

Let me bring up Jimin’s bigender tattoo, if you will. (x) Well, it’s not really a tattoo, and more of a drawing. It wasn’t permanent, but still. I’ve had a few people argue that it’s not the bigender symbol because of both extensions pointing straight instead of the masculine symbol being at an angle (x), but seeing as how I don’t know of any other symbol it could be, I’m going to assume that it was meant to be the bigender symbol.

Does this tattoo mean that he identifies as bigender? I’m leaning toward yes, but I’m also going to have to say that it doesn’t confirm anything. We don’t know the reason behind the tattoo unless Jimin tells us himself, and we don’t know the reason it was altered with both extensions being aligned instead of the way the actual symbol looks (if that detail is significant in any way).

Again, I’m leaning toward a strong possibility of him identifying as bigender because BTS are pretty socially aware, and I’m sure he knows what the symbol means. There could be a list of other reasons as to why he decided to use the symbol, so we’ll never know the truth unless he tells us.

I will say that, similar to how I think TH mentioning the Christmas song to us was to see how we’d react to the idea of him singing a romantic song with a boy, I think that Jimin putting that tattoo on his arm was to raise a similar kind of topic. I think he wants people to discuss and question his gender identity. And I think anyone who has come out to their family, friends, and societies would get the same idea. Because it’s a process, and this seems like a step in the process.

I’d often talk about how I loved it when people would mistake me for a boy, and how disappointing it was when someone would be quick to correct them. I’d talk about how being a “girl” is exhausting and how I wish I could flip a switch and be a “boy”. I’d question my parents about how they’d feel if I brought a girl home. I’d use gender neutral pronouns while talking about people I was interested in. I’d question if it was weird to want to hold hands with my best female friends. And the list goes on.

The tattoo seems like a step in a process. Maybe he’s not trying to come out, but maybe he wants us to be talking about it. I don’t think we should just assume that he’s bigender because of it (the same way we shouldn’t just assume TH is gay for Christmas song talk), but I don’t think people need to be so quick to shut the idea down. Because it’s possible that he might not identify as cis-male, and to shut down a piece of evidence like a bigender drawing on his arm is to shut down a pretty strong piece of evidence. That tattoo was drawn on Jimin for a reason because it’s supposed to mean something. Until we know what that something is, there is absolutely no harm in us fans talking and wondering about his identity. As long as we don’t shove it in Jimin’s face and demand that he talks about it. Let’s wonder together. Among ourselves.

As for which pronouns to use when talking about Jimin, until he says anything official about his identity, I think “he/him” pronouns are fine. If you want to call him “they/them”, I think that’s fine, too. I won’t simply because I only like to use “they/them” if I’m intentionally trying to be neutral or if an individual specifically requests to be addressed as such, but I don’t see the harm in anyone else doing it. I think going as far as using “she/her” could be a little too much and a little too presumptive. I’m not the sort to get offended by any type of pronouns. I identify with them all, but that’s not true for everyone. And it might not be true for Jimin. So I think it’s best to stick with “he/him” or “they/them” because they’re the most gender neutral terms.��

And yeah. “He/him” is more gender neutral than “she/her”. And, even if you don’t think so, “he/him” are the terms we use to refer to biological males without knowing anything about their personal identity. I don’t think it’s “assuming he’s cis until he says otherwise.” This is just as harmful as “assuming he’s straight until he says otherwise.” Because, for me at least, “he/him” is referring to the only thing I know about his gender/sex until he confirms otherwise, and that’s the biological part of his gender/sex. It’s not me saying “Oh, I think he’s definitely cis unless he says he’s not”. Because I’m leaning more toward the “not” part of that, but the only thing I can confirm is that he is biologically male. He wouldn’t be in BTS if he wasn’t.

Bringing it back to the first point I mentioned, we can’t assume a gender identity onto any of them. Jimin brings up more questions not because of his “feminine” side, but because of that bigender symbol. But it doesn’t mean that he identifies that way, and it doesn’t mean none of the other members do.

Like I said. I was hesitant about making this post and avoided asks about this topic for a long time because people get more defensive about gender identity than sexuality, but I wanted to talk about this. Because regardless of how offended people get about this topic, I think it’s something we shouldn’t be afraid to discuss.

#gender analysis #needs source #might delete...

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manicdragondreamgirl · 4 years ago

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I haven’t had chemistry since like 2008, and I’m also an idiot who likes to make my friends upset, so I rated the periodic table in order to tilt my friends:

Hydrogen - this is like your childhood friend who has always been with you more or less and always will be down to get a drink and chill even tho you haven’t spoken in years. Solid bro imo 7.5/10

Helium - always down for a good time, even if probably created Alvin and the Chipmunks which in some places is considered a war crime. 4/10

Lithium - Gives me bitchy vibes and is flammable as fuck if I remember. Skinny bitch with an attitude 3/10

Beryllium - idk this sounds like a sailor moon villain lol for that it can have a 6/10

Boron - more like BORONG amirite ha ha wait no seriously I have no idea lol 5/10 clean neutral rating

Carbon - *screaming* 2/10 I will not be taking questions

Nitrogen - cool cool cool tight tight tight 9/10 Nitrogen just is the cool hot chick you wish you were

Oxygen - kid who takes up all the glory for the group project even tho you did all the work, 4/10 for natural charisma

Fluorine - lol what are you knockoff chlorine lmfao bitch 3/10 reminds me of the dentist

Neon - I can vibe with this boy for his contributions to signs which cause my eyes to scream 8/10 modernized Art Deco thanks you

Sodium - 10/10 this is me and I won’t be taking questions next element

Magnesium - magnesium is a close relative of magnificent and therefore I think the case is closed folks 9/10

Aluminum - 10/10 for providing a home to my Diet Coke addiction I’d be dead without you

Silicon - 6.9/10 :smirk:

Phosphorous - This has a very soundly name and it’s welcome to do that but idk, not a fan, seems like he’d be smelly, 2/10

Sulfur - 1/10 pretty sure that dog farts are purely comprised of this and as such if I was leaving negative ratings I would

Chlorine - 7.8/10 for being in pools so we could swim without brain eating amoeba in the south you a champ

Argon - he seems like a nerd jk this guy has a good color 9/10 for just being himself

Potassium - I hate bananas and this word gives me the physical sensation of biting into one but only by thinking of abstract letters and making them into something which we can nutrientise from bananas and to me that shit is bananas, b a n a n a s — 3/10 for making me sing hollaback girl thru adhd word association

Calcium - hm my brain went to mega milk so you get a 2/10 today bud I don’t make the rules

Scandium - pretty sure this is fake lol what’s next faxdium, e-Mailite and copinium? 5/10

Titanium - this song’s a banger and also is the only thing that lets me wear earrings 10/10

Vanadium - if your erection lasts for longer than like idk it’s supposed to then don’t take vanadium wait what do you mean it’s not an ED treatment 4/10

Chromium - decent bloke shame the browser eats all your memory 5/10

Manganese - if a weeb tries to tell me how to pronounce mayonnaise one more time... 1/10

Iron - excellent tool against the fey, in your blood, what a bro, 10/10 this bitch slaps

Cobalt - has a powerful energy; I respect him. 8/10

Nickel - if I had a nickel for every time someone made this joke lol 5/10 he’s doing his best

Copper - taste bad 3/10

Zinc - isn’t that the dude in the green tunic and white tights who saves premcess Lelda or something lol 7/10 those games are good

Gallium - seems like a prick 4/10

Germanium - sounds like a child pronouncing geraniums which are superior 3/10

Arsenic - bad vibes coach 1/10

Selenium - isn’t this just sailor moon lol 10/10 love this bitch

Bromine - farmine wherever you aremine - 9/10 I love a good bro

Krypton - he’s okay I guess 5/10

Rubidium - yet another Steven universe villain who will be redeemed I imagine 4/10 seems a bit dull

Strontium - I feel nothing when I see this lad’s name and that seems like a shame 1/10 I don’t like it

Yttrium - this is an atrium in Yharnam, or something 8/10 would love to sit in one and make contact with higher beings

Zirconium - oh wait THIS is the sailor moon villain from the dead moon circus! 9/10 I enjoyed that arc

Niobium - seems sassy, I like that in an element 7/10

Molybdenum - I hate this one, rancid. 1/10 for making me have flashbacks to difficult Ancient Greek vocabulary there is no fucking way that sound combination is anything but Beta and Delta borking and then Latin being like oh imma steal that

Technetium - 6/10 decent name but seems a bit forced

Ruthenium - 5/10 kindly old lady element I guess lol

Rhodium - 10/10 this ain’t my first rhodium babee this lad has good vibes what a name what a king

Palladium - 10/10 for making me think of paladins

Silver - 12/10 I’m breaking the rules for this silver is the best it is so cool and also it is the other best tool for dealing with supernatural creatures when iron has failed you highly suggest Even if I am extremely allergic to it going into my ears...wait hold on

Cadmium - 2/10 sounds like a total douche

Indium - 8/10, i just think it’s independent and neat

Tin - 10/10 good ear sounds when involving rain and roof shapes and automatically reminds me of Nora Jones’s come away with me album which is also 10/10

Antimony - 7/10 decent protagonist good name all around seems rad

Tellurium - tell ur mom what? That’s so early 2010s league of legends humor bro 2.5/10

Iodine - strikes fear in my soul from having it poured on my wounds but this is why I have more pain tolerance than god 5.3/10

Xenon - I think this is a declension of Xena warrior princess which is a win in my eyes, 8/10

Caesium - kind of has a cunty Latin name, 4.5/10

Barium - yeah boss, bury’im! 7.5/10 I love a good mobster gag

Lanthanum - A bit pretentious on the Tolkien spectrum sorry bud 3/10 sounds like you’d be the dickwad elf everyone hates

Cerium - 6.5/10 I like this one, gives me a clean vibe

Praseodymium - the fuck who sneezed all their alphabet soup onto the paperwork and called it an element Christ we can’t keep doing this 1.5/10

Neodymium - oh my god what did I just say 1/10

Promethium - thank Christ we’re back to greek 9/10 Prometheus was a Chad I could get behind

Samarium - 5/10 gives me boring wizard vibes

Europium - 4.5/10 don’t rename opium chrissake can’t take these nerds anywhere

Gadolinium - 5/10 it’s a starship knockoff but it’s trying to be bold with the G sound

Terbium - 2/10 I don’t vibe with this one

Dysprosium - sounds like an antidepressant that has a lot of shitty side effects 3/10

Holmium - sounds like someone anxious asking their beloved to hold them 8/10 I like hurt/comfort fics

Erbium - you can’t just describe something as herby you daft bastard 2/10

Thulium - sounds like a spell I like it 8.5/10

Ytterbium - macguffin in a shite sci-fi show that gets highly overrated because BBC produced it and superwholock stans emerge and go utterly feral 1/10

Lutetium - bards are an element I agree 10/10

Hafnium - sounds like a river (my dog) sound and has a cute vibe, I’d offer it head pats 7/10

Tantalum - noooo you can’t be sad yuor so sexe haha 6.9/10 tantalizing

Tungsten - 10/10 this is a lad with history

Rhenium - 5.5/10 it’s ok

Osmium - 4/10 I wasn’t a big wizard of oz fan

Iridium - 9/10 sounds like iridescent and that’s in my top 10 favorite words and concepts

Platinum - 10/10 best Pokémon game

Gold - 7.9/10 all that glitters and all but it’s still pretty on some people, silver is better tho

Mercury - yikes 8/10 so it doesn’t kill me

Thallium - sounds like the brother character in a ps4 exclusive western rpg that oddly falls under the radar in terms of reviews and gets shafted at awards for no reason 7/10 I’ll support you tho

Lead - 2/10 that’s gonna be a no from me dawg pretty sure I still have lead in my hands from stabbing myself with my mechanical pencils

Bismuth - 6/10 sounds good in mouth and reminds me of biscuits for some reason, I’ll take it

Polonium - to thine own self be true so stop trying to act like the arts don’t influence science jk pretty sure this is named for Poland but hey that’s where we get the Witcher so you get a pass 6/10

Astatine - 1/10 I don’t even know what you are

Radon - 7/10 this motherfucker knows his shit and how to party, rad is right

Francium - I bring you francium...and I bring you myrdurdium... 7/10 for a good vine

Radium - killed the video star probably 9/10 I can get behind her

Actinium - as opposed to passtinium I prefer actinium in the voice of writing 8/10

Thorium - overrated Norse god 5/10 because lightning is still cool

Protactinum - sounds like some pretentious condom brand 4/10 wouldn’t do it with a dude who bought these

Uranium - I always thought she was a hot sailor scout 10/10

Neptunium - same for her I knew they weren’t cousins you couldn’t lie to me 4kids 10/10

Plutonium - sounds like a macguffin unfortunately 5/10

Americium - I read this with a pivotal letter missing and nearly died, 7/10 for the laugh

Curium - 10/10 gives me Curie vibes and also reminds me of curiosity which reminds me of—[old yellered before the association could set in]

Berkelium - what I shout when I want Burke (fam dog) to slaughter innocents and raze territories 2/10 world was not meant to know his commands

Californium - 1/10 California is cool with geography but probs could stand to chill with the ego sorry to my friends in Cali

Einsteinium - 6/10 it’s alright but we’re really running out of ideas huh

Fermium - 3/10 this one is porny

Mendelevium - 1/10 my brain didn’t like parsing this and I stand by my earlier statement of running out of good names

Nobelium - 0/10 you didn’t name any noble gases this cowards this gas can’t be a noble oh wait it’s NOBEL I take it back 5/10 seems an alright chap

Lawrencium - fear the old blood my sorry dead hunter’s ass I’ll never get back my life from the hours I spent trying to beat this lava shitting bastard 2/10 for being a boss who eats Taco Bell specifically before being challenged to have fresh lava shit with which to punish you for having the audacity to exist in his space

Rutherfordium - my god what a snob 4.2/10 I respect him a little but only because he sounds like a right lad

Dubnium - DROP THE BASS 10/10

Seoborgium - not sure about this one but it can have a 7/10

Bohrium - as an American English speaker this sound combination makes my pathetic throat become a black hole as I try to properly create the sound of it 10/10 I love when my body becomes a massive void in the universe

Hassium - lazy 2/10

Elements 109-118 can go fuck themselves I hate them all, collective 6.66/10 for their general demonic vibe

#the periodic table #made by an idiot #it’s me your manic dragon dream girl #long post

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404fmdminjung · 4 years ago

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famed idol life / career meme

notes: i started doing responses one by one, but then i thought it’d be better to do one big mass-post instead of flooding dash all at once. thank you to all that sent in! appreciate u all :~) (if anyone has any numbers they need, please feel free to like this or just let me know, even if i already sent in an ask!)

2. what are your favorite b-sides/non-title tracks you’ve released?

“i like diana. there’s something moody, sultry about it with a touch of elegance. it’s almost like cheap wine on a long friday — contrasting, but it somehow fits. plus, sooah helped out on that track which becomes the cherry icing on top. perhaps, there’s something better coming out on my next album, where there’s too many b-sides that i’d cherry pick myself to be my favorite. for that, look out at the sea, captain.”

3. what is your least favorite song (title track or b-side) you’ve released?

“i don’t think there’s a least favorite. if there were, then i wouldn’t have partook in any of it — my personality’s in it or out of it. there’s no in between, especially where my voice plays a part. i don’t want to touch things where my heart doesn’t lie, that’d just be cruel. wouldn’t it? if it doesn’t relieve my soul a bit, then i don’t think i’d dip my toes in those waters.”

6. what is one thing (a concept, a genre, an outfit, etc.) you would least like your company make you do?

“i’d like to do house funk, maybe house-pop. you’ve seen elements in it in knight’s old releases, and even the oldies like decipher’s done it. unity’s dabbled in it somewhat in their b-sides, and considering fuse has amassed a long bridge of different concepts — the spectrum’s large. i’d like to wear hawaiian t-shirts and prance around to some summer house-funk, and that’s something i think the general public can all dance around in their rooms to.”

8. if you could be in any idol group, which one would you choose?

“i’ve grown accustomed to fuse — i like being in fuse. i don’t think i’d fit anywhere else, though i would say bee would be a nice change for the summer fun. i’d even enjoy myself to be in unity had i been a boy. can you imagine? the fun that would come out of belting welcome to my playground, and singing the tunes to touch. that’d be a girl’s dream come true.”

9. if you could say one thing to your ceo, what would it be?

“you’re the prettiest person i’ve ever seen. in the whole country, out of all the women in the world — you’re the standard of beauty. but i’m sure the whole world knows that by now, don’t they? i thank you for giving fuse some of the best songs, and though i’ve never met you face by face, i’d like to believe you’re better than what’s shown from face value. but, still — my wannabe face is you but no amount of plastic surgery would turn me into you, would it?”

10. if you were auditioning for your company today, what would you perform for your audition, or what would you change from your original audition?

“i don’t think i’d repeat the dance, nor attempt to dance to something like seo taeji and boys. if i recall, i did h.o.t’s we are the future, and snsd’s kissing you with a ruler i had in my back pocket. in retrospect, that was my standard of dancing — if only i’d known it’d become a bad memory to highlight the work i have left. maybe, i’d only stick to kissing you, ruler version while singing something more melodically acceptable than finkl’s now.”

11. if you could do any special stage, what would it be and who would it be with?

“i don’t know — i don’t know many things when it comes to these mix and match scenarios. i know i’d like to make a stage where i can dance freely as if i’m in the comfort of my own home. perhaps to a song like gee, or even oh — even willing to dabble in lipstick’s genie if it means dressing up like a sailor and going ahoy. i’d want to do the stage with jeonghwa, sooah, and well — i don’t have that many friends to give you a special stage, oops.”

13. if you could become a model or ambassador for any brand, what would you choose?

”again, i’ve been blessed and satiated with each and every opportunity given. working with dior has been a smooth sailing ride as well as cartier — perhaps, given the option i wouldn’t opt for pathere de cartier but a different line. still, nothing really takes away from the heart and soul of their jewelry, which i appreciate with my cup of tea. i’d continue to work with dior, and if hermes would ever take the punch — i’d even have an affair with them.”

14. if you could be on any variety show, which one (or which type of one) would you want to be on?

“knowing brothers — i really watch that show. or even, 전지적 참견 시점 — those are the shows i keep tabs of on a weekly basis. i'd love my manager to have her time to shine and steal the hearts of the world with her variety work. she’s a very funny person you know. as for knowing brothers? that’s a given knowing how quick the crowd is on their feet and the little mini-games that come from each episode. i hurt my stomach each time from laughing along so many times.”

16. what changes would you implement if you were the ceo of your company?

“a free-for-all. i’ve never wanted to become a ceo, but had i been granted the opportunity to rule on all floors, i’d implement a few things. mandatory art classes, and creative freedom to the album jackets for all my artists. no dating-bans, let it all air out — most of all, i’d let them do as they wished as long has it harmed nobody else and they could handle the aftermath. no restrictions, roam free, bunnies.”

17. what do you do to relieve the stress of idol life?

“call me pretentious or call me a sell-out, i do what any other normal person does. i like sitting in the cafes with my notebook out, sketching. i sketch people that come in and out, or the people that decide to sit next to me. if i’m home, i’m painting on canvas with my record player crooning in the background or knitting a sweater to wear next winter. on a really adventurous day, you’ll see me playing the pole or stretching my limbs at pilates. but that’s on a non-lazy day.”

18. what tips would you give to a trainee about to debut?

“wear your skin like armor, and let it thicken as time goes on. no need to get hurt by words, and instead roll with the punches — learn to accept the hate that comes, and be scrutinized underneath a microscope. sometimes, you don’t know if it’s really reality, but the faster you assimilate yourself, the quicker you learn to glide past your career. think of everything as a catch-22, only there’s no real safety net.”

19. what was the hardest part of being a trainee?

“getting along with the other people and have them stay away from getting to know me. it’s obvious, the trainee life is temporary — there’s going to be those that debut and those that don’t, so why pry further than you have to? everyone should’ve been given the basic privacy instead of trying to play formalities and get along. other than that, i hated dance practice and i still do. dance isn’t a strong suit, and having someone force me to follow a tempo i can’t march to was no fun at all.”

20. did you enjoy the lifestyle of a trainee or of a debuted idol more?

“i liked being a debuted idol far better, only because there was a layer of privacy given to me. ironically, i was suddenly in the public eye. yet, it still allowed some layer of anonymity within the inner circle and the day to day people i interacted with. starting from a sea of trainees, and having it dwindle to a group of my members — it all made it easier to handle in the end. besides, i was getting no sleep regardless trainee or not.”

22. describe your dream sub-unit (members and concept).

“take the fuse darker concepts — peekaboo, bad boy, psycho. and merge it into one, all while getting rid of the dresses too short to dress in. wrap it all together, and you get my favorite concept. i like mystery, and latent meanings behind pretty tunes, and being able to do that each comeback would be a dream. surely, the audience might get bored of it, but i wouldn’t and i’m allowed to be selfish, aren’t i? my dream sub-unit, i’d take sooah. without sooah, i don’t know what i’d do, really. she’s like a mini-mom, three years younger. then, i’d take kiana for the dance that sooah and i can’t handle. i suppose i’d add suji in there because i don’t think anyone can belt like she does, no offense to kiana. but there’s a heartier belt when suji does it. sorry to our leader, i guess.”

23. out of the following six options, would you rather be allowed to play a major hand in the lyrics, production, choreography, styling, music videos, or concepts you release?

“i started off in lyrics, so i’ll stay loyal till the end. i’ll keep to the lyrics, so i can continue to write the stories my heart wants to say. sometimes, i’ll fall into cliches, but that’s okay. if it’s not in music production or the general content of the song, i suppose i’d take a dabble in styling — and stop dressing myself in the short skirts making it impossible to dance. really, those are the only two things i’ll be selfish for.”

25. what is your least favorite part of being an idol?

“waking up early, not having enough time to draw — those would just be the superficial things, right? but really, there’s pros and cons to any jobs, just ask any office worker with a nine to five. however, if i’m given a sliver of honesty to wave my grievances, i’d like to mention that i don’t like working in short skirts that get shorter each comeback. i don’t like getting mauled by the public of who i make eye contact with or who i work with — i don’t like getting over criticized and the list goes on.”

26. what is your favorite part of being an idol?

“i’ve always been a story teller. i like crafting stories and telling my world for how i see it, and given this opportunity in music, i’m able to do so. i like playing with instruments, sketching out things for an album idea — the creative process while meeting new people along the way. it’s a journey, an adventure and most of all, it avoids stagnation. i’m on the move, go go go.”

27. would you rather be incredibly famous with a terrible reputation and hated by most or be fairly unknown with a good reputation and adored by those who know of you? why?

“i’m already disliked by most — they don’t like the way i dress, who i’m friends with or the manner in which i present myself. but i’m given the opportunity to ignore these things along the way, and learn to handle things bit by bit. given the choice, i’d rather hide in anonymity with the few around me enjoying my presence. i’ve learned by now, public opinion doesn’t correlate to much as it’s nothing more than a crow perched far away as poe would say.”

29. what have you learned about yourself and/or society since becoming a celebrity?

“i’ve only been taught life skills, such as time management and patience. in hindsight, i’ve learned how cruel people are to judge things from what they see at surface level. the world’s superficial — that’s a bitter pill to swallow. i don’t know much about myself as i haven’t gotten that part figured out. instead, i’ve just learned that the world is cruel and the people in it amount to little to no positivity — go figure.”

#fmdmeme001 #fmdyiyeon #fmdmaverick #fmdjaein #fmdkiana #jihoonfmd #jihaefmd #thank you all again for asking!#(큐뀨↻queue)

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yourholidaymom · 4 years ago

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Your Holiday Mom: Mama Ro

I am SO excited to have you with us for the holidays. We celebrate anything and everything here at the House of Creative Mayhem. You’ll be joining me, Ro, a purple-haired mama, and two of my three kids. Connor is 20, spends a lot of time playing video games, and is absolutely hilarious. He is on the autism spectrum, and sees things a little differently than everybody else, which makes him a wonderful person to know. He says if you like to game, you can play Team Fortress 2 with him, but if you don’t want to talk, he understands. My middle child, Ron, (24) is gender queer, and will be bringing their partner, Greg to dinner. They’re both gamers, too. And vegans,, which means I have to get creative with my cooking. I still make turkey, but I get creative with the side dishes and make a field roast for them, which is a vegan thing made from mushrooms and stuff. My oldest son lives in a nearby city with my granddaughter, but they are busy and probably won’t be able to make it. Could be a surprise visit, though, so prepare to hang out with a four-year-old. She and I will probably put on our matching tutus that I made for us. If you want one, I’ll make one for you, too. Or not. Your choice, of course.

I hope you love dogs, because I have a rescue pit bull named Lord Jasper Bighead, Earl of Fartsalot. I’ve had him for about 2 and a half years now, and he’s the love of my life. Nobody knows where he came from or how old he is, but this is his home for life now. I take him with me everywhere I can. Dogs are good company. They just give out love, and take as much love as you give them. And believe me, I can give a LOT of love. He also loves food. I’ll give you treats to give him and he will adore you.

So my birthday is right before the winter Solstice, and we’ll celebrate that with me taking everyone out to dinner. We’ll have to figure out someplace that has food we all love. I am wondering about your favorite foods and how to make sure you get them. Let’s sit in front of the fire and talk about it. While we talk, I’ll make art. I create weird things out of stuff other people throw away. Sometimes I call myself the Queen of the Trash Fairies. I also take in people who have no where to go, like my friend Chuck, who has been homeless for decades. He camps in my yard now, so criminals and homeless sweeps can’t disrupt his life. And of course I will be inviting all kinds of friends over for dinners throughout the winter months. It’s fun to gather in the warmth and light of home when it’s cold and rainy outside, isn’t it?

I’m really hoping you will spend some time making art with me. I have a gazillion different supplies. I’ve got paints, collage stuff, sharpies, jewelry-making supplies, clay, several guitars (I write protest songs, among other things. I’m what you’d call a social justice warrior and I will never understand why some people consider that an insult. Silly.) and of course, lots of journals and pens, because I’m also a writer. So, you know, whatever you like to do creatively, I bet we can do a lot of it while you’re here.

Can we have a serious talk about something? Being the parent of two queer kids, and being queer myself, I know full well how hard it can be. I spent a loooooot of years trying to fit in and be like everybody else. (news flash, it didn’t work!) Now that I’m older, I don’t even try to hide who I am, and I have found SO many people who love me exactly as I am. My friends celebrate my weirdness, which includes a love of puns, wearing dresses (never pants, ever), studying sword fighting, building an art studio in my yard that is made out of tires, custom painting my shoes… the people I know LOVE these things about me. And they love me even when my depression and anxiety keep me from being in contact very often. They just love **me,** exactly as I am, and exactly as I am not. I am sure that if you haven’t found your people yet, that you will. Just keep shining your bright self and the right people will come to you. Like me and my family. We’re your people! You’re our people. Isn’t that glorious?

Oh, I forgot to mention the house… I ilve in a pink house. The inside is painted just about every color you can imagine. There’s not a beige wall anywhere, so I hope you’re ready to experience a lot of color, because that is exactly what we have here!

What do you want to do while you’re here? We can play games. I have a bunch of fun ones, Cards Against Humanity, of course, Pictionary, Scattergories, the kind of games that rely on thinking outside the box. Or even thinking like you never believed there was a box to begin with! Or we can go for a walk with the dog at the lake nearby. Or we can go downtown and check out the holiday decorations. They have a lot of brass bands and carolers. We could join in the carols if you want. (I will want to, guaranteed. I love to sing. I’m not very good, but I have fun. Of course, I wouldn’t insist that you do anything you don’t want to) Oh, that has me thinking about popcorn. I don’t know why. I want popcorn with tons of butter, while we’re in front of the fire talking. You get to pick the music. I wonder what we’ll listen to first. I bet you’ll introduce me to things I’ve never heard before, too, won’t you?

Listen to me, you precious, wonderful being… I love you and I am so glad you’re here with us. You make everything more fun,more meaningful. This is the best year ever, because you’re here. Now, what do you want to do first?

Love your face, Mama Ro

PS OMG, I completely forgot about baking. There will be sooooo much baking. What’s your favorite cookie? Do you want to learn to bake bread? Make pies?

PSS This silly picture of me is my Halloween costume, Steampunk Peacock. What should I be next year?

** This year we are reprising your favorite letters. The original post date of this letter was Dec 08, 2019.

Your Holiday Mom: Mama Ro was originally published on Your Holiday Mom

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wellhellsbelles · 4 years ago

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How about a Riley finally realizing she's in love with Farkle?

of course! fun fact about this one (besides the fact that it ended up being really long lol): this is actually from a riarkle fic i started awhile ago but never really finished! i liked this part so much and i knew i wasn’t going to get anywhere with the fic, so after a little bit of refurbishing and a bunch more added on (the after prom part is all new stuff for it!!), i finished it!

hope you enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it!! :)

ao3 link here or read below!

“I don’t know how to do this,” he admitted, hands buried deep in the pockets of his pants. He stood in front of her, right in the space between her bed and her bay window, but even that felt miles away.

“I don’t either,” Riley told him, “But I’m willing to try. Are you?”

“Oh my god, you guys better not tell my dad about this or I’m dead!” Riley shouted over the pounding music (it was “Blinding Lights” by the Weeknd which meant she was ready to JAM) as they entered the loft belonging to Missy Bradford.

Missy’s loft was bigger than the apartment her family lived in and fancier; the windows were huge panes of glass, the balcony containing a lit swimming pool. The flooring was made of ritzy mahogany wood and the counters posh marble that stretched around the kitchen and, Riley would wager, the bathroom, as well. She had several rotating disco balls set up around that illuminated the space with a spectrum of colors as most of her graduating class pressed up against each other, gyrating along to the music.

“Because our plan was to let Cory Matthews, our history teacher, know that we’re all getting blasted at eighteen!” Maya quipped, pulling them through the crowd towards the kitchen. Riley could already feel the heat pooling off all the bodies in the room and she had a hunch that she would probably need several runs through the dry cleaners in order to get the sweat out of her jewel-laden lavender chiffon dress.

It took more of Maya elbowing herself a path through a sea of drunk teenagers to arrive at the kitchen, but they made it eventually, their reward the smiling faces of their friends, Lucas, Zay, Smackle, and Farkle.

“What took you two so long?” Zay asked as he sipped at whatever was in the red solo cup in his hand. Maya reached into the bag off her shoulder, pulling out a bottle of her mother’s coconut rum. Riley had warned her that she was absolutely, totally going to get her ass busted for raiding her mom’s liquor cabinet, but Maya only shrugged her shoulders, reminding her that they were going to graduate in two weeks anyway and that any punishment was worth the night of their lives.

“You’re welcome, by the way. There was no way we were getting drunk off of PBR. Also, I don’t want my life to be made a living hell by Missy Bradford the last two weeks of school for stealing her parent’s alcohol. I’d rather get in trouble by my own mother, thank you very much. Alright, bottoms up!” she said, raising the bottle and taking a big swig from it. Farkle’s eyebrows furrowed and he reached over to take the bottle from Maya.

“Maya, geez!” he told her, but then finished with, “Save some for the rest of us, yeah?” Maya grinned as Farkle stole a sizeable gulp of alcohol himself, downing it like a champ.

“Wow! Who are you and what did you do with Farkle Minkus?!” Farkle passed off the bottle to Smackle, wiping his mouth of with the back of his sleeve.

“It’s prom night! I’m letting myself get loose!”

“I’ll say!” Riley exclaimed. She gave him a once-over—he was starting to wobble slightly, obviously affected by the beer he was drinking previously. His hair was mussed up, hanging above his eyebrows instead of gelled in a perfect quaff like it was earlier, and his bow tie was undone, resting around his neck.

“Smackle, rum, please,” Riley demanded with the room suddenly feeling hotter, reaching out for the bottle. Smackle obliged, relinquishing the bottle as Riley brought it to her lips quickly. She was surprised by the rush of rum pooling in her mouth, wincing from the burning sensation as she swallowed it to the best of her ability, coughing once it was down.

“Smooth, Riles,” Maya joked, but she knew it was only light teasing. Riley gave Zay the bottle instead, trading him for his red solo cup of PBR.

“We’re all gonna drink until that bottle is finished, got it? Then I got another bottle of cheap whisky we can get down,” Maya explained as they passed the bottle around to one another.

Riley could tell all her friends were reluctant to do so, but she also knew that it was prom night, their graduation was only less than a month away, and that they had all agreed to let loose at Missy Bradford’s after prom party weeks ago. They all figured it was the last party they were ever going to be at together since they were all going to different colleges and they damn well were celebrating like it.

“C’mon, guys, let’s get a picture together before we all get trashed. I wanna at least get something out of this party that I’ll remember,” Farkle said, pulling his iPhone out of his pocket and gesturing for them to crowd around him.

Riley tucked into his side and Maya next to her, while Smackle, Lucas, and Zay all gathered around his opposite side. They all squished together, smiling brightly until the flash went off. Farkle checked the picture quality before deciding it was adequate and pocketing his phone once again.

“You better make us all copies of that!” Zay yelled at him, the music growing louder with the next song.

“Duh,” Farkle rolled his eyes, stealing back the bottle of coconut rum and draining the remainder of alcohol into his mouth. “Next bottle, Maya!” he proclaimed, setting the empty bottle onto the counter. Maya followed orders, extracting the whiskey bottle from her bag and uncapping it, raising it in the air to toast.

“To getting fucking wasted and having the best night of our teenage lives!” she shrieked, leaning back with the container to get a large enough sip. She hacked after downing a mouthful, handing it over for someone else to deal with.

“Shitty whiskey?” Riley asked, smug. Maya’s eyes bugged out.

“Hunter Rye is so cheap but the worst,” she wheezed. “I have no idea why my mother drinks it.”

“As long as it gets us drunk quickly, I don’t give a damn,” Zay murmured, choking after swallowing.

“Amen to that!” Lucas agreed, and as Riley felt her vision start blurring, she still held to the fact that their night was going to be the best ever.

Riley figured that, if this were her father’s history class and if this were the point where they learned a “big lesson”, the lesson would be “don’t get wasted after high school prom” because oh boy. That alcohol was kicking her ass.

The world around her was extremely wonky, her vision going in and out as she watched her classmates around her having the time of their lives. She had an urge to both sit down and stand up as the world quaked beneath her feet, and her thoughts were both infinite and non-existent all at once.

Being drunk was weird.

“Okay, is it just me or do you feel like you could black out any moment?” Farkle slurred next to her, his hands reaching up to ruffle the locks of his hair that were only getting messier by the second.

“Totally,” Riley replied, nodding her head. She felt herself begin to tilt, eventually resting upon Farkle completely without her even meaning to.

“How much do you think we’re going to regret this in the morning?” Riley shrugged.

“In terms of hangovers, I’d wager a lot. In terms of how much trouble our parents are going to get us in, I’d wager there’s no end to the depth of that scale.” Farkle snorted, burying his nose into her hair.

“Well, you wanna dance so we can get a bit more fun in before the world comes crashing down around us?” he asked, extending out a hand towards her. Riley smiled, taking him up on his offer, following him through the crowd until they found a spot toward the edge of all the dancing. Right as they were about to start jumping around, the song changed to a soft, slow cover of “Iris” and everyone started closing in with their dates, the pace around them slowing with the song.

“I guess we gotta slow dance now,” she commented, looking up at Farkle. He seemed to come to the same conclusion, the goofy smile he had from being drunk fading, concentration suddenly clear on his face as his hands went to rest on her waist. Riley hooked her arms around his neck, closing the amount of space between them as they began to sway back and forth with the music.

Neither of them spoke as the song flourished on, but their eyes kept meeting despite difficulties in keeping focus. Riley could feel her heart stutter in her chest and her breath catch as his fingers tightened and settled on her hips, and she couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was happening.

This was Farkle, her Farkle, and he was making her feel this way? Was it the alcohol causing her to feel dizzy, or was it his closeness, the way his eyelashes fluttered with each blink as he stared directly into her soul, tempting her with those irises of his that were gray as a storm, tossing her about in his tumultuous sea?

“Farkle, I really think you should spin me right now,” Riley told him abruptly, breaking them of their trance. A small smirk played at his lips as he obliged, picking her up easily and twirling the both of them. They broke into a peal of laughter once he began to gradually stop, Riley still high in the air as he held her up.

Their eyes met once again as Farkle’s feet halted in place, and as Riley slid back down to the ground she paused at his shoulders, locking herself into place as she leaned forward, brushing her nose up against Farkle’s. His arms reached around to keep her in place, his mouth hanging open as she ducked down to softly, ever so gently ghost her lips against his. He gasped at the sensation before rushing to press his own lips to hers once again, much more fervently than last time, encapsulating her wholly.

It was fire, kissing Farkle was, like she was frostbitten and he was her panacea, shooting warmth back into her veins with a pulchritudinous rush. Her fingertips sparked with electricity as she grasped at his neck, trying desperately and surely to cling to him and the moment they were existing in. It was only Farkle and Riley, Riley and Farkle, and she didn’t want this reverie the two of them had carefully crafted together to end.

Riley woke up the next day with a headache the size of Texas and the intense need to find a bathroom STAT. The light filtering through her window was overwhelming, and Riley stumbled out of the bed to go close the curtains swiftly.

God, she should not have drank that much. What was she thinking?!

“Someone shut those curtains or I’m gonna vomit all over this bed,” Maya groaned into Riley’s pillow.

“Agreed,” Smackle concurred from her perch on Riley’s fluffy, pink saucer chair, pulling the blanket she had tighter around her. Riley pulled them shut and then flopped back down on her bed, immediately regretting the action when it caused her stomach to turn tumultuously.

She tried to return to sleep when she felt less like she was going to toss her cookies, but as soon as her eyes fluttered closed, an image burned itself into the back of her mind, one of the only things she could truly remember from the previous night. Riley couldn’t remember how she got home, when it was exactly that they stopped drinking, what she even talked about last night—but she could remember one sweltering, staggering detail:

She kissed Farkle.

Or was it Farkle kissed her? Whatever, it didn’t matter. What did matter was she wasn’t aware she had any feelings for Farkle whatsoever, so kissing him was about as mind-blowing as finding out there was water on Mars.

Did she like Farkle? Because she honestly had no freaking clue.

Riley checked her phone to see if he had sent something—she’d never known Farkle to be quiet about something that mattered to him. Then again, she’d never had to deal with kissing Farkle for real (that chin kiss does not count in her book), the territory completely unexplored and frankly to frightening to even consider broaching at the moment.

So when she saw no text or anything, she tried to pretend to not be disappointed, but she was. All Riley wanted to know was what Farkle thought; they were both very drunk, of course, but Riley doesn’t believe in accidents. They kissed, and if Riley remembered correctly, they did it for a long while that night.

Ugh, why couldn’t she have a normal life?!

Riley was almost tempted to get a second opinion from Maya, but she wasn’t certain it’d be of good taste with Smackle sitting there, too. Smackle was Farkle’s ex, but they had parted on good terms and Smackle had since moved on with Zay, so maybe . . .

“Farkle and I kissed last night,” Riley announced with no preamble, flipping onto her back and staring at the ceiling with a long sigh.

“Freaking finally,” Smackle said. Riley glanced her way.

“What do you mean ‘finally’? You act like this was a long time coming!”

“Riles, I’m gonna level with you—it was a long time coming. I mean, with Farkle it was always obvious—no offense, Smackle,” Maya told her.

“None taken,” Smackle mumbled, burying her way further into the blanket she had wrapped around herself.

“But you were more subtle about it, Riley,” Maya continued.

“So was no one going to tell me I was in love with Farkle?! Because I’m literally finding this out right now!” Riley exclaimed, pulling a pillow over her face to shield herself from the embarrassment.

“Riles,” Maya began, extricating the pillow from Riley’s grasp, “I can’t tell you how to feel about him. Ask yourself—how do you feel when you’re around me, and then how do you feel when you’re around Farkle?”

Well, for starters, whenever Riley was near Maya, she felt like she was comfortable. She felt a sense of affection that came from years of friendship, something that glowed in the foreground of her mind as a constant. Being around Maya made Riley happy and at a sort of peace, the way Riley felt always when she was surrounded by the people she loved.

That same sort of feeling always applied to Farkle, but now? Sure, Riley still felt that sense of affection rise from being around him, but now that she had kissed him, that affection became surrounded by tendrils of uncertainty. She felt both safe around him and like she wanted to jump out of her skin, like the neurons in her brain were firing with an intense surge of electricity. There was a pull towards him now like he was a magnet, like all the atoms in her body wanted to simply exist alongside his.

. . .

Oh crap.

Riley was in love with Farkle. How had she not noticed this shift in herself? Looking back, it made sense that she felt that way because of how her heart would respond in kind to his presence, how being around him not only made her feel happy, but she felt safe.

“I’m in love with Farkle Minkus,” Riley declared, eyes wide as she stared at the ceiling. Then she sat up abruptly, locking eyes with Maya. “What do I do?!”

“Wait until tomorrow and then tell him. You kissed, so I’d wager he was into it. Besides, I’d be willing to bet money on his feelings for you; the odds are looking very favorable.”

“Why tomorrow? Why not today?” Riley asked, frowning. Maya sent her Riley look that she couldn’t decipher.

“Because,” she said simply, “We are hungover as fuck, and I want to be able to bask in the glory of years of hard work coming to fruition.”

Riley chuckled, rolling her eyes.

“Nice, Peaches.”

The problem about waiting until the next day was that prom did not mark the official end of senior year, and they all had to return to school on Monday as if they didn’t spend their whole weekend partying and drinking (and subsequently recovering.) Then a problem to add to that problem was that Monday was a homeroom day, so she’d end her school day with her classmates that shared a last name starting with ‘M’.

Which meant that she would, inevitably, be seeing Farkle Minkus at school.

The same Farkle Minkus that she made out with drunkenly at a prom afterparty, the same one who had been her best friend since she was six years-old and despite having a (priorly) unrequited crush on her, made no move to change anything between the two of them.

Until now.

Riley was also aware of the fact that he was currently ignoring her. She couldn’t be too sure, of course—Farkle had the inexplicable habit of self-isolating whenever he wasn’t feeling up to human contact, so radio silence wasn’t out of the ordinary for him. She just couldn’t help but be suspicious of the fact that his current bout of radio silence was following a life-altering event that had occurred between the two of them.

“You’re worrying about this too much,” Maya had told her when she voiced her concerns aloud at lunch, “It’s Farkle. Whatever it is that’s going on between the two of you, you’ll figure it out. I’m just surprised he hasn’t said anything yet. I was sure he’d be unable to contain himself after kissing you.”

Riley wished that was how he felt. But he’s been absolutely silent and it’s killing her; she just wanted to know where she and Farkle stood, what kind of change this meant.

If he’d allow her inside his genius mind for one second, to let her be there in an entirely new way.

Unfortunately, she knew Farkle, and if something was real, he tended to . . . run.

Which is why it was unsurprising to her when he doesn’t show up for homeroom—that doesn’t stop the disappointment from seeping in further, however.

Maybe . . . maybe this was his way of letting her down gently? It wasn’t most gentle of ways, granted, but his sudden disappearance from her life didn’t mean nothing. It meant avoidance, plain and clear, and it felt an awful lot like rejection.

Whatever. She could handle it.

She couldn’t handle Farkle not speaking to her, though, so during those last thirty minutes of her school day, she spent her time typing out a few texts to Farkle.

There. Now all she had to do was wait and see if he’d talk to her.

Riley had spent the last three hours trying and failing at doing her homework. The sun had already set over the city, the world outside her window illuminated only by streetlights. She tossed her AP Chem textbook to the side with a sigh, staring at her ceiling as she laid on her back.

What a mess her life had become.

“Riley?”

A voice so familiar it hurt cut the silence of her room, and she sat up abruptly to face it.

“Farkle?”

Sure enough, the boy that had been ignoring her and yet infiltrating her mind and dreams was standing there, uncertainty clear on his face. Riley couldn’t help but be angered by his presence, but her heart had other opinions on the matter. Here he was, the boy she tried oh so hard not to love yet failed so miserably.

How could she hate him in this very moment, yet still love him all the same?

“So, you’re talking to me now?” she countered, and Farkle winced.

Good.

“I don’t either,” Riley told him, “But I’m willing to try. Are you?”

He nodded.

“I am. I just . . .” He hesitated, the warring thoughts in his mind making themselves apparent through the turmoil written in his expression. “I don’t want to hurt you. You’re Riley, my best friend in the whole wide world. I can’t lose you, I’m so afraid of losing you.”

She watched him for a moment before slowly rising from her bed, her feet hitting the floor as she inched forward to meet him. His gaze never wavered despite the anxiety clawing its way through his bones, and she stopped with only mere inches between the two of them.

“I’m always afraid of losing you,” she said quietly. “I’ve been afraid of losing you since the day I met you, but I want to risk it with you. You mean the world to me, Farkle.”

Farkle’s brow furrowed as his gaze met hers, his eyes so blue they threatened to drown her. His Adam’s apple bobbed hard in his throat, but he did not waver.

“Riley—”

“Farkle, I’m in love with you,” she cut him off, finding the confidence she’d been unable to muster all weekend long. “I’m in love with you, and I know we were drunk at that party, but I don’t regret it. All I regret is that I didn’t realize I was in love with you sooner.”

His eyes widened at her admission, mouth dropping open as the words reeled through his mind. But then he blinked, and as if he’d snapped out of his own trance, he pulled Riley towards him in one swift motion, his lips crashing against hers.

And oh, oh—this was what it was like to have a kiss to end all kisses. She felt the heat rise inside her like she could combust at any second, her mind spinning as Farkle pressed against her. Her hand rose to grip at his denim jacket for traction, eyes fluttering closed as she relished in his proximity and his kisses.

It was like a billion fireworks lighting off in her brain, kissing Farkle was. She never wanted it to end, but she had to breathe eventually, so she broke the kiss off, her nose knocking against his.

“I’ve always been in love with you, Riley,” he told her, panting shallowly, “I love you in so many ways, each one so vastly different. This one is new, but I want to experience it with you, if you’ll let me.”

A smile spread slowly over Riley’s face as she leaned back to gaze at him.

“Are you asking me out, Farkle Minkus?”

He grinned back at her.

“Absolutely, Riley Matthews.”

Farkle kissed her again, this time gentler and not quite as passionate yet still bone-rattling all the same.

“I love you, if that’s not clear by now,” he whispered in her ear.

“I love you, too, Farkle Minkus,” Riley whispered back, “Always and forever.”

#riley x farkle #farkle x riley #riarkle #riarkle fanfiction #riarkle fanfic

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mavenlockwood · 4 years ago

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❝ they told me all of my cages were mental so I got wasted like all my potential and my words shoot to kill when I'm mad I have a lot of regrets about that ❞

CORINTH TASK: HEADCANONS

Andromeda: Talk about your character’s relationship with their siblings (if they have any).

For the longest time Maven thought she was an only child. And as long as she had her mother, that was fine to her. But after her mother died, and it really set in how miserably alone she was, finding out she has a half-sister was like being thrown a lifeline. Because of her trust issues, Maven has a hard time forming deep connections with most people, but family is on a different spectrum for her. She’s got the mindset of “if there’s anybody I can rely on, it’s my family”. She’s honestly kind of built @xrowansmithx up in her mind as the end-all solution to her loneliness, to the point of projecting almost all of her need for affection and love onto the idea of her sister that she has. It makes her absolutely desperate for Rowan’s approval at any given time, and she’s really putting so much more effort into building a relationship there than she ever has anywhere else. But at the same time, that kind of projection is what’s led her to keep from revealing the truth thus far. As long as it just remains Maven’s secret, she can live in the fantasy world of everything good that could be, and doesn’t have to deal with the possibility of being rejected.

Asclepius: Talk about your character’s morality. How do they decide who is morally good and who is not? What does “good” mean to them?

I took an alignment test awhile ago and unsurprisingly (to me), Maven came out as True Neutral, which I feel like is dead on accurate for her. Her morality is honestly pretty flexible and depends on what’s going on in the moment, there’s no specific set of rules someone has to follow other than like, very general things. Like not being a murderer. Or an asshole for no reason. Of course, she breaks her own standard on that last one all the time, and no, Maven does not consider herself to be a good person. But at the same time, she doesn’t really hold being “good” in high regard? It’s not as if she scoffs at them or anything, unless they’re the type that won’t even jaywalk, but also a lot of the time the most fun she has is when around people that are not particularly good, like her. Unless you’re just a straight up evil person, Maven doesn’t really care all that much.

Atlas: Talk about how your character deals with their “responsibility” to either side of the war for the veil, if they are aware of it.

While she isn’t aware of the war right now, Maven would unquestionably be on the side of PRO VEIL, all caps. She cannot imagine her life without magic, and the idea of losing it is one of the scariest things imaginable. Quite frankly, I’m not sure she’d want to live if she couldn’t be a witch. Even just the idea that someone would want to take away the magic from the world is nearly unfathomable to her.

Charon: Talk about your character’s greatest fears.

Like mentioned a bit above, losing her magic is definitely up there. But at the same time, I don’t think she’s really aware that’s a thing that could happen to her? So like, in a theoretical reality it’s a big fear. But in terms of things she’s currently afraid of right now, it would definitely be rejection. Getting attached to people, letting them in, only to have them really get to know her and decide they don’t like what they see. It’s easier to pretend like being alone is her choice, instead of because other people have decided she isn’t worth the time or effort. It’s sort of a vicious cycle of pushing people away out of fear, then getting upset when they take the cues and leave. And the biggest one would be with Rowan, which is why she hasn’t told her about their relation yet. If she gets rejected by who she views as her only chance at family left in the world, Maven might would legitimately die. But @kieratandanu gonna be pretty high on the list too pretty soon enough. Or, even worse, that it was only a ploy to manipulate her the entire time.

Chronos: Talk about how your character deals with their past.

By ignoring it as much as possible. Her go to method for dealing with things is simply to not, and shove it as far and as deep as possible inside of her. Is this healthy? No. Will it most likely eventually explode from all the pressure? Yes. Does she know both these things? Yes. And yet, that is a problem for future Maven. For current Maven, it usually works well enough, thanks.

Circe: Talk about how your character deals with betrayal.

It really just cements the idea of not trusting people for her. She’s already paranoid by nature of the intentions of others, so to have someone get past all of that, close enough for it to be considered a betrayal and then do exactly what she was afraid of... it wouldn’t be pretty. And probably would end up sabotaging all her other relationships as well in the fallout as a chain reaction. Please don’t do this to her. Or do, and sit back and watch the burning wreckage as she promptly starts throwing matches on all her bridges out of fear and paranoia. Better to kill something by her own hand than let someone else make a fool out of herself again.

Eros: Talk about your character’s love life, and how they see “love.”

Love is a neurochemical con job. But seriously, Maven is not a fan. It’s a pretty terrifying concept to her, which her mother had a pretty heavy hand in influencing. Though she had the best intentions and was only trying to protect her, Maven’s mom was really the one to instill the idea that love is a dangerous thing that can ruin people. She spent years witnessing first hand how much her mom suffered after her dad left, how bitter and broken and resentful it made her, which shaped Maven’s adolescence. And not only that, her mom was always quick to remind her that people were always out to use others, and even when they tell you they love you, they really only love something you can give them. Such lessons have stayed with Maven her entire life, and still effect her to this day and how she approaches relationships. Whenever she feels herself getting too close to someone, warning alarms go off in the back of her head, and she usually begins to either self-sabotage, or simply take off running for the hills and ghost. Because of these habits, she’s never actually been in love before, but she’s ruined things herself several times where she could have been. Which really is ironic, considering how goddamn afraid she is of being alone for the rest of her life. It doesn’t help that she doesn’t really see why someone would want to date her in the first place, which just makes her all the more suspicious of someone’s intentions.

Euryale: Talk about someone’s death that would hit your muse the hardest, or their greatest loss.

Right now it would 100% be Rowan. Not only would she be losing a friend, but idea of a family that she craves so badly. But there are a few that are working their way up that list too. Her greatest lost is undoubtedly her mother.

Hektor: Talk about how your character deals with something that is out of their control.

She very much has an, “alright then, fuck it” attitude when it comes to things she can’t influence. It’s weird, because on one hand she hates the loss of control, but on the other hand it’s almost a get out of jail free card? Like, whatever happens, happens, so she’s not responsible for that. It’s sort of like when you’ve stressed yourself out about something so much, that you just hit a mental wall, and suddenly nothing matters anymore? You just accept whatever your fate is to come, and the idea that it can’t be blamed on you because you had no control. Doesn’t make the outcome any less shitty when it goes poorly, but it’s a small consolation that at least it isn’t her fault specifically. That’s how she deals with it.

Lamia: Talk about what other species your character would be/wants to be.

Nothing, honestly. Maven is glad to be a witch and would not trade it for the world. If she were forced to choose, she would pick perhaps a phoenix or kobalos — not that she’s aware of either of those species right now. They both have different ties to things she already possesses and holds valuable, fire magic and nature manipulation. Also the ability to mess with someone’s head would be pretty cool, don’t judge her. Still, she’s very happy as a witch, and would not willingly change to anything else.

Lethe: Talk about if your character would rather forget certain memories or hold on to them.

It depends on the memories. She’s not one of those people that’s like “even bad memories build character and are worth keeping”, she’s not that philosophical. There are so many things she’d willingly forget if it were possible. But at the same time, there are a handful she would hold onto, if only for bittersweet nostalgia, even if they hurt. It’d definitely be on a case by case basis and not a blanket statement.

Medea: Talk about your characters thoughts on redemption, and if they think they need it or are worthy of it.

Redemption is sort of a joke concept to her, it doesn’t really exist outside of TV shows and books. People are who they are, good or bad, and usually aren’t too interested in changing their nature. It’s more of a fairy tale to Maven. Does she need it? Eh. She could be a better person, certainly. But to be redeemed? That’s a tad dramatic. Besides, being better requires an energy she doesn’t have, so she wouldn’t even really want it regardless. She’d probably laugh in the face of anyone that tried to entice her with the idea of it.

Philotes: Talk about your character’s best friends and what friendship means to them.

Maven does not have many friends, and none that she would call a best friend yet. Honestly just the fact that she’s actually making friends at all is a step in the right direction. Back in New York it was basically just her and her mom. Friendship is... complicated. Less terrifying than romantic relationships, but still not safe. Not to sound like a broken record, but all of her trust issues really do lead back to her mother, who sort of isolated Maven from everyone else to where they really only had each other. It wasn’t a Mother Gothel situation where it was done maliciously, she had good intentions, where she was under the idea that she was the only person she was certain would never act to hurt Maven. So she never really encouraged Maven to seek outside friendships, something that makes it hard for her to reach out and form them nowadays. That all being said, once someone gets past all her walls, there is VERY little she wouldn’t do for those she cares about. Her loyalty and protectiveness are second to none of her other traits, and she really is a Mom Friend. The people she feels that protective closeness with so far would be @eliastaylcr, @avxvidalis, @casperhahn and Kiera, obviously.

(The) Phonoi: Talk about your character’s view on murder.

Uhhh bad? Which would legitimately be her response if someone were to ask her that question. It’s really not something she’s thought much about, because she’s never been in a position where it’s been particularly relevant to her. That being said, it is something I could see her being pushed towards for the right reasons. Not sure she knows if she’s capable of it, but she definitely is under the right circumstances.

Ponos: Talk about what would make your character emotionally break.

Honestly too much. She prides herself on being tough but really she’s just like,,,,, 10 different emotional traumas and mental illness stacked in a trench coat that is one bad day from crumbling at any given time. Her goal is to project that she’s handling her shit better than that though.

Tartarus: Talk about your character’s view on retribution.

Not going to lie, Maven is petty. Most of the time it’s just low level theatrics, like being purposefully annoying such as she is with Alarick. Let the punishment fit the crime, and all that. But greater offenses absolutely require greater retribution, and I think it’d honestly fester inside her like an infection until she felt the situation was rectified. She’s kind of like a fury, in that regard. Except to Maven it’s less about justice and more about getting even. It doesn’t matter to her on whether it was technically “justified”, or if she was actually the one in the wrong, if it was a strike against her or someone she cares about, she will not just let it rest. She’s very stubborn and singular about what details are relevant to the story at hand. In example: it doesn’t matter that her friend is the one who started the fight, if you punch them in the face, she’s going to hit you back with a right hook. And maybe a kick.

#corinth.task #&. — char inspo #&. — headcanons #me? finding a way to include taylor swift lyrics? maybe so #this took 800 years and im not super happy with it but w/e

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noctomania · 4 years ago

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As Someone Who Didn’t Vote For 10 Years: Your Vote Matters.

Hey. So, let’s chat. Or rather, hear me out.

I turned 18 in 2006. I did not vote until 2016. Bc even I saw through my apathy & prioritized trying to combat potential fascism. You can get an idea of how many elections one sits out of over a 10yr span here. It’s a lot & I should have done my part much sooner. Though I could say “well I was in college from 2007-2012 & &&” no. Not an excuse. I had time no doubt. I was just apathetic. I have reflections for those who continue to abstain from their right & duty to vote.

I remember my parents encouraging me to register to vote. I think it was part of applying for my license or something. I can’t remember if I ever registered with a party, but I think in TX in order to vote you have to be registered with a party. In any case, since I’ve been registered in the north I haven’t been part of a party bc I too felt the whole thing was a sham. I was still remembering the robbery that was Bush’s terms. TWO WHOLE TERMS. I remember seeing my mom cry when he won his first term. I remember hearing about all the awful shit he was doing as president from my dad & stepmom.

But I also remember thinking: “Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

It can be incredibly disheartening & frustrating & downright angering to hear about atrocities without hearing about the forces fighting back. Death & Drama sells.

I wasn’t eligible to vote when bush was running. Then Obama came along & I was like “Great, surely my blue state I live in now is all for him & I don’t gotta bother - y'all got my order.”

Your. Vote. Matters.

Obama was an incredible victory. I will never allude to him ever being perfect bc he, just like every other president, has had to make tough decisions that do not always work out, or they make decisions you outright disagree with. He’s just part of the spectrum of what we’ve known, but he was the first Black president of a nation that was built & raised on destroying Native communities & enslaving Black people. That was & will remain significant. As you can imagine, during that time of not voting I also was not entirely involved in racial matters as much as I should have been despite what I was actively learning about in college. I sunk into apathy.

Apathy is a comfort not afforded to everyone. It is not an option for everyone as a means of survival. Were Black communities & of color to sink entirely into apathy they would be completely wiped out bc there are organized white supremacists who spend every waking hour trying to find new ways to attack in covert & not-so-covert ways - voter suppression, intimidation, manipulation, propaganda. Apathy is a privilege. A white privilege that even a kid raised on free lunches at school & hand-me-downs from neighbors could afford.

Your. Vote. Matters.

Let’s talk symbolism. “My refusal to vote is symbolic of my disgust with how this nation is run, how our elections are corrupt, to show my hatred of the electoral college, my vote doesn’t matter anyway bc ...”

You’re right. Your vote is symbolic. But not for what you think.

When you don’t vote, that is like not replying to a message. The nation poses a question to all voters: Who do you want to represent you? If you don’t reply to the email, your input isn’t counted at all. There is no footnote to say “I didn’t vote bc of such-and-such reason.” You might have been unconscious. You might have forgotten. You might have not cared. You might care very much.

But there is literally no job in the entire election process who’s responsibility is to sit in an office & contemplate why Jared in Oklahoma didn’t cast a vote.

“Gee, I sure hope Jared is ok. Is he mad at us? I guess he might want change...”

No. The way you show that you are not happy with how things are going is to vote. THAT is how you send the sentiment of “Hey so this isn’t great I’d like to try moving this way.” But we can’t really make progress without continuing to push. Even when things look like they’re going well (”Hey, we got a Black guy in office, we’re doing great with the racism stuff!”) you gotta keep pushing - which is why you need to be able to realize the ones you do vote for need to be criticized as well. Obviously, there will be myths & the ones about Obama probably hit a record tally on that with how angry a Black person as president made the racists in this country feel, but there are valid criticisms as well that should not be overlooked if we want to know how to push for a better tomorrow, or to avoid accidentally electing a new nightmare bc you aren’t getting immediate results from who you thought was going to change the world. It’s a lot to put on one president. It would take multiple terms, beyond 2, to really see a shift considering they may be combating an opposing congress or supreme court.

The only reason your vote matters is because it is symbolic. If we all had esp we wouldn’t need to vote. Writing on a form that looks different depending on where you are yet all cumulatively results in the tallying for ONE election is entirely symbolic. That’s not an argument against voting, it’s proof as to why you should vote. Symbolism is not without consequence. Look at every book-burning that has ever happened. Our ideas are symbolic until they are put into practice. Your vote is your idea. We can’t read your mind. And the government isn’t reading your blog being like “GiantD0ngB0ng really said it best when they said ‘Fuck politicians’. That really change our perspective on how we had been running this nation. You’re right GiantD0ngB0ng, you’re right.”

If we had elected Hillary after Obama, we wouldn’t be so fucking bad with corona bc she wouldn’t have dismembered the pandemic response Obama had built due to swine flu, we wouldn’t be nearly as worried about ACA, we would still absolutely have criticisms bc no matter Woman, Black, Hispanic, Immigrant, Trans, Disabled, Homeless, or any combination of intersection of minorities, nobody is perfect. Nobody knows all the answers. Thus a decentralized government model that will only remain anywhere near as such if we stop letting fascists & bad faith actors get power by using our symbolic vote to say no.

Most everyone HATES group projects. I certainly do. If any people enjoy them, there are still likely aspects of it that rub them the wrong way like having a partner that doesn’t contribute. Guess what.

Elections are group projects.

I believe it was EvelynFromTheInternets who made me realize that, & echoes much of the same sentiment I have written in this.

And at 5:55 she says: What Are You Going To Do On November 4th bc We Are Still Fighting For Suffrage. We have to keep pushing & working towards a better tomorrow, today. None of it will amount to much if people are not voting. You can campaign & fundraising & educate all you want. But if people don’t vote it’s all for nothing. You need both.

“ As of June 2020, the United States had the highest number of incarcerated individuals worldwide, with more than 2.12 million people in prison “ This is absolutely part of the bigger problem & yet another way people have been disheartened. It’s on purpose. They don’t want disenfranchised communities to be able to vote. So we - those of us who don’t have to wait in lines for hours, those of us who don’t face racial violence, those of us who can choose apathy & laziness for a decade with little to no personal consequence - must vote symbolically for them.

If you want your vote to mean something then vote for them. Vote for the people who are still ineligible to vote even though they aren’t in prison anymore. Vote for the people who despite working more than you do, harder than you do, for less than you do, still have to pay taxes & still denied the right to vote. Vote for the people who can’t vote bc police murdered them. Vote for the people who wait 10 hours in line to vote & are turned away when they finally get to the front of the line. Vote for those who don’t have the right to relinquish in the first place. Hell you can even vote for those who do vote anyway but have been misled by propaganda. Bc if you don’t, eventually we all will sink. You may be in the upper class of the titanic but in the end the whole ship is going down & you may just have the opportunity to slowly freeze out in the dark ocean on a lifeboat with all your rich strangers with the slim chance at survival rather than swallowed immediately by the sea like those who were locked in the lower levels to keep them from access to rescue.

At 7:24 Evelyn hits another really important part that I think drives my whole point home: as a Black woman her actual life, & those who share her experience, is on the line constantly in this country & much of this world. It is not entirely as symbolic to some people as it is to the more privileged populations.

Sure, your vote is symbolic, & sure you not voting is absolutely symbolic. But the only thing not voting is symbolic of is your apathy, your own privilege to choose that & think you’ll be fine & that it’s other people who need to “wake up”. No babe, it’s you. Wake up to the wider consequences of symbolic gestures.

Your vote matters whether it’s electoral college or popular vote. Your vote matters to getting closer to an admin that will enable popular vote as the determinant & eradicate the electoral college. Your vote matters whether you’re in a “blue” state or a “red” state or a battleground state. A state is only red or blue until it’s not. I come from TX I know about that shit. The only reason “battleground” states are a focus is bc they fluctuate more often than others, that doesn’t make others ineligible to change. Your vote matters bc you may be only a portion of the overall grade, but the overall grade affects everyone. It will impact others more harshly than you.

Your Vote Matters.

I want to add one last note: voting doesn’t happen once every 4 years, & it’s never JUST about president. If you don’t go vote at all, you are neglecting the more local stuff as well which is what affects the bigger elections. If all you do during a group project is read one line during the presentation in class, the grade will reflect you lack of effort elsewhere throughout the project. If I showed up & only voted for president & nothing else it would be for nothing. Racist & bigoted GOP will vote all red all the time up & down ballot. It’s not about age either. If your vote didn’t matter then they wouldn’t sink so much money & effort into trying to prevent people from doing it.

#vote #2020 #election #it matters #black lives matter #incarceration #prison #united states #obama #trump #clinton #biden #civic engagement #civic duty #suffrage #voting #fascism #democracy #symbolism

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helenaswriting · 4 years ago

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ships for @why-the-heck-am-i-here!

@why-the-heck-am-i-here: “Okay I really really want a ship thingy for marvel, Harry Potter and stranger things pls!! Imma send it here because I want to tell you as much about myself as possible 👉🏻👈🏻. (Feel free to post it still lol! Okay so my name is Bailey and I’m 5’9 (v tall) I currently have kinda short black wavy hair but I’m always dying it! Imma do pink next ;). I have green eyes and I tend to always do big thick eyeliner and smudged eyeshadow. I dress more on the oversized grunge side of the fashion spectrum, tho I would love to go more alternative. Okay now that that’s out of the waaayyy. I’ve always been described as the cool one kinda. I’m laid back but at the same time always up to do something stupid lol. I’m definitely always up for some fun but also a good ol nap. When I’m not doing anything like that I’m drawing or binging any show/movie I can get my hands on! Anime sign me up! Horror sign me up! Romantic sign me up!! You get the point. Back to drawing tho, that is such a big part of my life. I’ve been drawing since I can remember. Rather it’s just doodling or going out side with a canvas and some watercolor I’m always doing something new with art! I even have a small business. And if I happen to get a cool idea I’ll sketch it out on anything! My pets are also a big part of my life. I have a Pomeranian puppy named kuma and a GIANT Akita named Harlow. Their kinda stupid ngl but that means they take after mom 😣. Oh there’s music! I’m literally always listening to it or wishing I was listening to it, some times if I can’t I’ll start humming a song without realizing. Lastly id say I’m really touchy, I like to hold hands and get hugs 🥺. SNUGGLING IS THE BEST AHHH. Just some little facts; I’m a slytherin 🚨🚨 My favorite marvel character is rocket I’m a sucker for sandwiches My favorite color is black I always imagined myself sneaking my dog into Hogwarts as a pet (probably the Akita because 🙃) I’m a master a video games! Pokémon is my bff That’s all I can think of! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I HOPE IM NOT A BOTHER 👉🏻👈🏻”

hello!! you aren’t a bother at all and thank you for your request! i just did marvel and harry potter, if that’s alright? i’m very sorry, i just had so many considerations for stranger things and couldn’t make up my mind :( i hope you still enjoy reading these headcanons!! <3

· so, let’s start of with marvel! · as i was reading your description, i was considering many ngl, but i just have to go with bucky, because y’all would really be a power couple. · so the two of you meet very randomly, and a little cliché, at a blockbuster. (rip blockbuster btw). · you’re browsing shelves of movies, just taking a good look when you spot this tall guy, with shoulder-length brown hair, eyes on you, flustered when you spot him and you just kind of smile to yourself. · you spot the metal hand he’s hiding in his sleeve, (knowing who he was, though it wasn’t something you minded,) as you strike up a conversation with him, about the movie he’d quickly picked up when he saw you heading his way. · “the 40-year-old virgin, huh?” · “what- uhh, sorry?” · you nod to the dvd in his hand, realising that was the movie he’d randomly picked when panicking, though he wouldn’t admit he was, even later when you become a couple. · bucky and you end up leaving with each others numbers on your phones, and though he has a hard time admitting it, he’s very giggly and happy. · i mean he just got a really cute girls number, what was there not be ecstatic about? · anywho, so fastforward to after a little too many dates where he asks if you want to make it official. · it’s actually a really sweet moment. · you two are sitting at a fountain, no one around, your head on his shoulder as you just listen to the sound of the water behind you, a comfortable silence between you two. · he then kisses your lips, and you’re both feeling over the moon. · so this guy loves everything about you. · you both kind of have the same energy in a way, both laid back and though he might not have the same amount of coolness as you, you two just click and fit perfectly. · there’s never awkward silences between y’all, you’re practically soulmates, and that’s what steve and sam say too when they meet you and see you together. · if bucky has to go shopping for new clothes he always brings you along for advice, ‘cause he really likes your style and the vibe you have. · and you love styling him, since he goes along with almost everything. · for only you, of course. · bucky always hypes you up and admires your art, kissing your temples as you draw or paint, looking at your art. though he thinks your the art. · btw he absolutely LOVES your pets, and he spoils them by giving them too many treats sometimes, but he can’t help it. · yes, he is a big dog lover. · is it just because they are your dogs and seem to have some of your personality? · maybe. · he’s a soft boy with you, always there for you, holding you close whenever he can. · and this guy is also very touchy. · there’s nothing he loves more than laying on the couch with you, snuggling and cuddling as you watch a movie together or playing video games. · you almost always end up talking through movies, not being able to focus, but y’all don’t really mind. · and you always kick buckys ass in video games, and when he get’s sad about losing you make up for it with kisses and loads of love <3. · he loves listening to music with you too and you showing him songs you like, since he’s not all that up to date with modern music and what’s popular nowadays. · bucky LOVES holding hands with you btw. · he only really uses lots of pda if he’s jealous of some guy checking you out, but he always holds your hand, proud to have you by his side as his lover. · he just appreciates you so much, and is so thankful that you support him and are there for him, especially when he’s going through dark episodes of trauma and PTSD. · all in all, you’re a real power couple, always strong together and you both rely a lot on each other. the trust and bond the two of you is so deep and stunning, and you’re a real dreamy, grunge couple.

· now to the world of harry potter! · okay, so honestly how can i not ship you with the obvious person who came to my mind first- draco malfoy. · so the two of you are childhood friends and meet in your first year at hogwarts, befriending the boy. · we all know that draco is quite the dramatic person sometimes, and you two are quite different in that sense. · sure you have the same slytherin qualities, but since you’re waaay more laid back, sure up for a little trouble, but nothing with major drama, draco is the opposite. · he’s meddling himself into things that are unbelievable sometimes, getting into trouble for the most dramatic things. · but you’re always there to help him. · you grow to be best friends, and many from the other houses judge you for that due to his reputation. · but the thing was that they didn’t actually know him the way you knew him, as a best friend, though you wanted to be more, and let’s be honest draco has had a crush on you since your third year at hogwarts. · he asks if you want to go to the yule ball with him, and that’s when you both crack at the same time to tell each other you want something more than to just be friends. · might i add draco is very enchanted by your dress, which i personally imagine to be this black or grey, puffy gown. · no matter what you would be wearing, he’d love it and think you look gorgeous. · “draco, i-” · “i have to tell you-” · “oh,” you both say at the same time. · “you go first!” · “no, you, you.” · “i insist you speak first, i-” · but he interrupts you by placing his lips on yours and god are there loads of butterflies in your stomach. · from that night, you’re a couple, but it’s not something you disclose to many people in the beginning, despite draco being so fond of pda. · fond of pda doesn’t even begin to describe it honestly. · once you’re a couple he can’t stop showering you with kisses, hugs, gifts, chocaltes- everything. · infront of anyone, anywhere. · btw he loves shopping with you and for you, and simply must give you really extra clothes worth god knows how many galleons, but he doesn’t mind at all. · whenever you gift him something it’s usual small, but very personal, and god this boy may seem tough and ready to square up, but he becomes so emotional when you give him a present- no matter what it is. · also he loves giving you art supplies, insisting on buying your watercolour paintings so he can have them on display both in his dorm but also at home, though his parents may not be to fond of it. · he’s your number one supporter and inspiration. · draco is very proud to have you, and WILL show you off whenever he can. · he thinks and knows you deserve it, for everything you put up with. · aka him. · draco is the sort of person who has a facade for most people, you being one of the only ones, if not the only one, to be able to break down that facade. · he knows that he can be difficult sometimes, since being emotional is something he’s bad at showing just because it’s something he hides a lot, but he knows he can trust you and be himself around you. · and he knows that you’re always there for him. · and draco is always there for you. · you two have a lot of fun and are always pulling pranks or getting into trouble. · on a date you two went to explore the dark forest, luckily not getting hurt, but even if it was scary, it was funny as well. · afterwards you retreated to your dorms, sitting in the common room, having movie marathons, which annoyed the other slytherins since you two hog the tv quite a bit. · he also loves sneaking up to your dorm and taking you out on midnight walks. · sometimes you take your dog along, and it’s all just very cute. · all in all, you are such a great pair, strong, fun and troublesome, yet sweet and tender.

#ship #ships #draco malfoy #bucky barnes

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mjalti · 6 years ago

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P1. Hi Ms. Mjalti! I hope all is well with you, your family, and your endeavors! I really admire how steadfast you are in your prudence and independence, graciousness and ability to say no because I too have these traits, especially when it comes to men. I recently just joined Tinder (b/c for the New Year I promised to be more open to new ideas and experiences) and it truly has been an exercise in patience. Some of these guys just don't understand or appreciate the nuances of romance

P2. and actually meeting and genuinely getting to know someone and developing a healthy adult relationship built upon time, trust and consent. I’m 21, gay and a virgin and I’m happy to admit those things, and I yearn for a proper adult relationship that isn’t just one night stands and quick hook-ups, but whenever I explain to these guys who want those things from me that I’m not into that and I truly am just a baby gay looking for my own version of the original cliché idealistic romance P3. they say things that make me seem as if I’m judgemental or a bad person for denying them my body for their sexual sustenance. I’m not judgemental at all but I will never waver my morals or lower my standards for someone else! Like, I don’t feel bad for these feeble men at all. It’s just so frustrating trying to establish an adult relationship with love and romance amongst guys who just want to add me to their body count.P4. Have you ever had to deal with similar experiences and how does it make you feel?

——–

Hey honey. This is such big question but let’s get into it lol. First of all, I think being gay still comes with alot of responsibilities that you didn’t necessarily sign up for & none of them are your “fault”. Finding a (1) partner is already difficult for everyone but for people who are gay, there are additional layers bc alot of gay people who are out have come out at the “”price”” of their family’s abandonment or their friends abandonment or something like that. Obviously, a significant amount have also had the opposite happen (where their families were supportive ,etc) but for most people, there is that layer of missing a “community” so instead of waiting to get to know the person (as you seek), there’s a desperation to connect; often that means sex as soon as possible to establish that “connection”. This isn’t healthy but for alot of people, it’s also about having someone around who is ALSO gay and a need to “Secure” a partnership, a connection, or something that proves to them “I am not alone”. There is alot of “”unearned”” trauma & people still haven’t healed from what they had to live through. And those are the lucky ones who are still alive. Now; this isn’t dismal. There are also a ton of people who are happy & well adjusted. I would encourage you towards compassion for the people you encounter. You genuinely dont know what people have had to live through. You think about the photographs of gay partners at their partners deathbed from HIV or Felix Gonzalez-Torres work where people take a piece of candy from a pile & discard the wrapper to illustrate how ignored people with aids felt as they were left to die. There is alot of “past” that goes into “present”. I say this just to tell you that the people you encounter may be anywhere on the spectrum of healing.

Your situation is much more complex than mine is & I won’t sit here telling you it’s going to be easy or that you’re going to meet the love of your life if you do x, y, z. I dont know any of that. I just know that everyone wants to feel safe & validated. I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that we are on two parallel lines & that yours, while similar, is more challenging than mine.

But you asked about me.

I have always encountered people who have yearned to “heal” but not call it healing. To heal through me. And I’ve always denied them that, bc I am not a source of the type of healing they need. In no way can another human being heal you through sex or the depicted “love”. Sometimes love is getting the person to therapy. For me, it’s about communication. I try to understand the person. If someone is just a sexual person & can handle having had sex with several people, then I’m ok with them having had sex. If I discern that it’s a pattern they’re using to self-harm, I try to get them to start asking themselves “why do I do this?” And then if I see them making an effort to be more conscious of their actions, setting goals for healing, AND meeting those goals, then I allow myself to be in their presence. I cannot be around people who self harm or have self destructive tendencies bc I personally know my own limits and I know that …it does bad things to me. I guess the way I deal with it is I try to engage the other person’s soul, I try to talk to their spirit in the least esoteric way possible lol, I just try to get to know them & try to see where they started thinking of “hurting” as their natural state. And then work with them to get to a better place. And then get Chinese takeout. But it’s about..wanting the best for the other person, even if their best doesn’t include me in it.

When I get someone who is still living in their hurt & doesn’t want to engage in conversation about it, I wish them the best & move forward without them in my life, bc I am no one’s savior. I am just a human being trying to be human. I am not here to be anyone’s home, anyone’s mom, anyone’s therapist. I am doing my best and I am trying to engage with people who put effort in me, that I return to them. I am seeking that compassion. But if someone isn’t ready to give that to me, I do not demand it from them. I just move forward.

Additionally, as another virgin, I guess I would only encourage you to not tie your sense of “purity” to what your genitals do. Some people have higher “body counts” bc they have an easier time connecting to other people or bc they wanted to have sex. It is only a problem when a person uses sex as a form of destruction. I hope that makes sense.

I know I said alot but to wrap it up;

I would get the opinion of another gay person on this as a phenomena bc I know it exists (the rapid push towards sex) & they would maybe have a better understanding of it (a more vivid understanding) than me, but overall, you know that someone valuing you for who you are is not an outlandish request (by far) for a romantic relationship. You can negotiate on many things but respect as a human should never be one of them. If someone has traumas to work out, remember to be compassionate bc we all have lived through private hells. Try to meet people in real life bc apps will always include two types of people; those looking for sex and those desperate to get into a relationship. You are neither of those. Join an LGBT group near you if you can find one and try to interact with your community, try to find a person who sees connection with the same definition as you do. I wish you the best!

#qnotqueue #long post #i didn tmean to make this long i wanted something short but i got like...way into my thoughts #Anonymous

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closetcasefabray · 6 years ago

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Blue + Yellow (1 / 2)

@coeurdastronaute’s “colors” soulmates au inspired me to write a different take. thank weird tumblr app crap for the formatting and two parts. still a rather unedited & rushed drabble/fic, but i had to write it and wanted to share so here’s this messy, sappy thing. (forever a sucker for this sort of stuff. also clexa.)

Blue + Yellow

Part 1 / 2

“The leaves are green, Daddy,” you say, skipping through the park on a rare September afternoon your dad has off from work. You don’t think much of your comment, really, because you’re too busy taking in the world now to talk about it, but this simple statement makes him stop in his tracks as you skip ahead.

He clears his throat and picks up his stride again, so you keep skipping along. “Did you learn that in school, hon?”

“Well, yeah,” you say with a roll of your eyes at the memory of tedious flashcard lessons with your classmates, all of you droning back the colors and pairing with an object that color, “but now I don’t have to memorize everything,” you add with pride.

“When did you start seeing colors?” he asks, his voice soft as you take his hand, opting to walk beside him instead. When you look up at him, he’s looking at you with shining eyes, and you feel a hundred nervous butterflies in your stomach, wondering if you should have said something sooner.

“Yesterday morning, just a little,” you say, feeling less worried when your dad gives your hand a little squeeze. “Today it’s all super bright, though.”

“Yesterday at school?”

“Before school, when I woke up? ... I think.” You remember your head hurt at school the day before, and you were tired as soon as you got home from Kids’ Club after school. You don’t remember seeing any colors though, not until the next morning. “Like... some of my cereal was green... and the limes in the fruit bowl!”

″That’s good, Clarke,” your dad says with a bright smile, picking you up into a tight hug. You both growl into your “bear hug” like always.

“So does that mean I’ll meet someone like you or Mommy? Or I’ll fall in love like you and Mommy?” you ask as your dad adjusts his arms to carry you like when you were smaller. You try to remember what your parents told you about seeing colors some day, so you close your eyes to think because what was once mindless, dreary gray is now a loud, growing spectrum of color.

“It means you’ve already met them.”

“I don’t feel like I’m in love.”

“It just might take time, hon.”

You’re quiet for a moment as you think about this new information. After a few moments of silence, you open your eyes and look at your dad with eyes like yours. “Ewwww, I hope it’s not that boy, Bellamy. I like his sister, Octavia. She’s in my class. But he plays too rough at recess.”

You’ll always remember the sound of your father’s laughter at that, three perfect laugh lines at the corners of his blue eyes. You laugh too, and you feel his deep chuckle rumble in his chest against yours. You wrap your arms around him tighter as you pass under a row of trees on the path, and the green leaves rustling in the wind seem to laugh with you both—everything easy and gentle.

A week passes, and now you can see the colors of the rainbow and everything in-between R.O.Y.G.B.I.V. Your art teacher, Mr. Kane, lets you stay in the art room during Kids’ Club after school. He cleans and prepares lessons while you mix the few paints he has in search of your new favorite color. Because of your immediate gravitation toward art, you parents invest in a paint set. You know they’re expensive and for grown-ups because most paint sets aren’t made for kids; painting is a skill mostly adults learn.

Your parents never seem concerned about their five-year-old having met her soulmate, but you do overhear parts of one hushed argument. Your dad insists on asking other parents at the school, and your mom says something about it making sense “in due time.” They both conclude they’re “old-fashioned,” and you’re not sure what that means, but you hear them kiss and decide to go back to bed.

You know it isn’t common for children to see colors so early and you know you’re the youngest in your small town to have found their soulmate... kind of. Out of curiosity, you start asking your classmates if they see in color too, but they all say no. Some even tease you because grown-ups see colors, and they kiss and have coodies.

You learn to be more subtle about it after.

It’s a Friday, so your mom picks you up to go to the park instead of Kids’ Club. She’ll work late, overnight into Saturday evening, sometimes well past Sunday afternoon, so she spends the time she can with you.

It’s been almost a month since you started school and began seeing the world in color. It makes you tired, trying to explain it and understand it. You're pretty sure you’ve learned all you need to know as a five-year-old and no one in school sees what you do, so you dramatically asked your dad, “What’s the point?” and threw yourself back onto your bed when he tried to get you up for school this past Monday. He had to explain that school lasts basically forever, but some day you can go to a grown-up school and just study art if you want, “if you work at it.” So you fill your nights and weekends with coloring and drawing and painting, which is much more exciting than learning math and the alphabet.

You played tag for a bit with Wells and Octavia, but they had to go home and right now you’re happy sitting at a picnic table with your crayons and activity book. Your mom talks with another mother nearby, waving and coming over to see what you’re coloring every so often. Crayons aren’t very fun; they don’t blend well and they’re made cheap and in weird hues that starkly contrast each other for kids who only see in greys, but they’re all you have since your mom won’t let you bring your paint set or special paper and brushes anywhere but art class or home.

“What are you doing?” a voice asks.

"Coloring,” you say, finishing the last petal of a sunflower. “Do you wanna color with me?” You look up and you remember her from a few weeks ago. You remember her pretty face and dark hair and the same skirt she had on for school. Now you can see her skirt is charcoal—boring and almost exactly the same as before—but her hair is brown, almost auburn in the early evening sunlight. Most of all, you notice her eyes—green like those laughing leaves.

“I’m not very good,” the girl says timidly.

You’re used to this; most kids like tracing or doodling because coloring is like schoolwork—you have to memorize everything, like, “the sky is blue, the sun is yellow, the grass is green.” You decide the grass nearby is a much uglier green than you see in this other girl’s eyes.

“That’s okay,” you say, scooting over to make room on the bench. “I can help.”

She takes off her backpack to sit at the picnic table. “Your name is Clarke, right?” she asks as she settles beside you.

You nod.

“I’m Lexa,” she says to remind you.

You appreciate it because you didn’t remember it. You feel your cheeks get warm and repeat Lexa in your head over and over so you’ll remember for next time. You notice she kept on her school skirt but changed out of the white polo private school kids wear, opting for a soft-yellow t-shirt with a sun in sunglasses on it. “You go to St. Mary’s, don’t you?”

“Mhm.” Lexa picks up a crayon and fiddles with it nervously as she looks at it for a moment.

“You use that one for the sky,” you say, ripping out a page from your activity book for her to color—a sailboat on the water with the sun in the sky.

″I know,” she replies quietly, beginning to color the sky, careful not to get blue in the lines of the sun or sailboat.

“Sorry,” you say, unsure if you should ask if she knows her colors from school or sees them like you. Instead you decide to say, “I know you from that coffee place.“

“Mhm.”

“Our moms were sleepy and getting coffee before school.”

“She’s not my mom,” Lexa says. She doesn’t sound upset, but she keeps her attention focused on coloring the sky.

“Oh, well she was a nice lady,” you say with a shrug, “and you were in your uniform. Is it weird wearing a uniform?”

“No, but I can get ready for school real fast.”

“Hm... It just seems kind of boring to me.”

Lexa laughs and you smile at the sound and sight of her grin. “It is,” she agrees.

You chew your lip nervously before asking, “What’s your favorite color?”

Lexa looks at the half-colored paper before turning toward you to sit criss-cross applesauce. She tilts her head and hums as she thinks for a moment. “Blue... or yellow. I haven’t decided. What’s yours?”

“Blue plus yellow.”

“Equals green. Like pine trees.”

“What are pine trees?”

“Christmas trees but without the lights and stuff hanging on them.”

“Oh, yeah! I like that green. I like all kinds of green!”

“Lexa,” a voice calls, interrupting your smiles and conversation, “we have to go back to the house to pack.” A girl appears beside the table and picks up Lexa’s backpack. She looks much older and cooler than you, and also like she could scare Bellamy. Before you can say a word, the girl huffs and starts walking off.

“Sorry. That’s my sister. I’ve gotta go,” Lexa says, setting down her crayon. “Thanks for letting me color with you.”

You pout and you think your heart knows what’s happening more than you have words for. “Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Let’s go, Lexa,” the other girl demands; despite the frustration in her voice, she mostly seems sad.

Lexa shakes her head. “Today was my last day at St. Mary’s. We’re moving to New York City tomorrow with my new family.”

“Oh...” the sound seems to fall out of your chest. “I’ll see you again some day though,” you manage with a smile. “My dad and Mr. Kane say if I work hard enough and paint, one day I could make art in a city or go to school there.”

Lexa smiles back. “OK.”

“You want your coloring?” you ask, offering her the unfinished page.

“You keep it. Paint something yellow or blue for me when you come to New York. Like a sunset or your hair... or your eyes. I like your eyes,” she pauses before adding, “Yeah, I think blue is my favorite. but yellow is my second favorite.”

“OK, I promise.”

“See you later, Clarke.”

You wave goodbye and some minutes later, when you’re by yourself and can’t seem to color because the sunset looks too golden, your mom comes over to check on you. “Did you make a friend, Clarke?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

Part 2 / 2

#clexa fic #clexafic #ccf fic #closetcasefabray #ccf drabble #clexa au #fic: blue plus yellow #fic: bpy #clexa #soulmates au

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