#who knows how much is hindsight

[mydaroga]

Relieved at how well it had gone we were ready to return to the hotel and leap into the swimming pool again. When we went into the bungalow to change, followed by the trail of girls, we were rather surprised to find Linda [Eastman] sitting there radiantly, totally spaced out, waiting for Paul. She had a joint in one hand and a beatific smile on her face. Paul immediately detached himself from the circus surrounding him and took Linda aside. As I looked across the room, I suddenly saw something happen. Right before my eyes, they fell in love. It was like the thunderbolt that Sicilians speak of, the coup-de-foudre that the French speak of in hushed tones, that once-in-a-lifetime feeling. Paul was struck almost dumb as he and Linda gazed at each other.

Tony Bramwell, Magical Mystery Tours

[cybertron-smash-or-pass]

i knew it would happen but oh my god. oh my. fucking god. i couldn't imagine it would be so bad when requesting. i was thinking about the lola propaganda and emo boy lovers and the gross freak haters. i couldn't possibly imagine that he would get such a GIANT pass percentage. yes there's six more hours to go but i know it's going to get worse over the night. As the blog curator is he really now the most passed on character I'm curious

Currently Masterson is still at a higher percentage than Beast Machines Rattrap, who I believe is our current Least Fuckable character. Masterson clears the bar by a whole percent.

And with your help we can set the bar even lower. It's not too late to Get His Ass

I don't know beachcomber too well but any humanfucker bots are welcome here.

Admittedly I was thinking at least a little bit about the rescue bots when I wrote the post because I swear to Primus every one of the main cast of bots is trying to fuck humans. Not even necessarily their human partners specifically (boulder and heatwave absolutely are tho), but at some point, every one of the bots has Said or Done Some Shit in the show that reads like they're interested in getting with humans. Prowl "I've fantasized about being human before" TFA walked so the rescue bots could sprint.

(I've also just kinda had Boulder/Graham Brainrot lately, so that might be contributing lmao)

[yrlocalghost]

you know. i feel like chara is obviously a very complex character and has a lot of problems and a lot going on, but i always thought that the fact that the whole wanting to kill people from their village was like. not that bad. in and of itself.

[ruvviks]

// ocs as patron saints. [x]

tagged by; @katsigian, @deadrlngers and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @dickytwister, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf and YOU!

– PATRON SAINT OF RELICS.

patron saint of remembering. patron saint of holding something close. patron saint of holding on for too long. for a saint, a relic is often a part of the body, kept for some physical memento of their holiness. they are all in your hands, now: does it feel like remembrance? does it feel sanctified? are the dust and blood as precious as they're supposed to be?

hindsight carries the gun of his deceased father, the last memory he holds of the past and of what used to be his family; he is alone, a vessel for all that used to be, carrying the burden of remembrance like a chain around his neck. he has made himself easily digestible, to fit in, to not stand out; yet the past clings to him tighter than the present and forces him on his knees, forced to worship a twisted and faux idyllic retelling of a place he can no longer get back to.

– PATRON SAINT OF HEARTBREAK.

not of comfort. not of condolences. there is a heart and there is a fissure, a fracture, something that starts to splinter and break open. you're the patron saint of the way a heart is rent open. the way it tears itself apart. patron saint of the rift. patron saint of the gash. when they say to "open your heart" to somebody, you are the patron saint of bleeding out.

erytheia is a grave domain cleric, and has witnessed more burials in her lifetime than any being ever should. she has seen the countless ways in which the best of her abilities still did not suffice, her healing more than often merely prolonging a life rather than saving it; and she carries the consequences of it wherever she goes, the faces of those who were left behind, the broken hearts and wails of sorrow like a symphony in the dead of night, chasing after the trail of blood left by her bleeding heart.

– PATRON SAINT OF BLOOD.

patron saint of the life that flows through our bodies. patron saint of violence. patron saint of love. something that does not watch over but exists within: not for protection but for vitality. there is no passion without a beating heart at its core. when that heart breaks open, someone has to be responsible for what it bleeds.

juniper is full of life, full of passion. her heart hungers and beats viciously within her ribcage, threatening to burst out; all of which shows in her unexpected ferocity in battle, as well as in the way her hands hold the waist of her lover, whoever is within her reach when her desire threatens to spill over. a mouth that kisses as much as it bites, and teeth that graze vulnerable skin and dig into tender flesh; she is a predator, and gods save whoever becomes her next prey.

[neon--nightmare]

forest fire by ajj is SUCH a loveball fresh song to me bro

[longagoitwastuesday]

Thinking of one of those two fanfics that rewired my brain this last summer once again. Thinking of the sunrises

[jadeandroses]

Y’AAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IT’S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[astranauticus]

really not beating the brainrot allegations but genuinely this line has been haunting my brain for ages

[saetiate]

i know irl guys who are kind of similar to both nagi and oliver personality wise and i've slept w them both

[that-crazy-five-foot-two-chick]

I am NOT Thank You Notes

Some disclaimers/notes!

These are the thank you notes from the photo book/liner notes of Stray Kids' I am NOT album, as best as I can translate them.

I do not speak much Korean, but I can read the alphabet and know some basic words. I took a picture of each page, scanned it via Google lens, and ran it through Google translate (and other sites as needed). After that, I cleaned up grammar and weird phrasing and sometimes had to go back and manually correct omissions or figure out where typos got mistranslated. It was kinda grueling at times ngl.

I omitted Woojin's notes, as most current Stays would probably rather it be that way, but I chose not to omit mentions of him in the others' notes. What they wrote is what they wrote.

Hyunjin's handwriting was horrific, so sometimes I truly just had to make my best guess at what he even attempted to write. If I got stuff wrong, blame him, not me.

I'm not gonna correct Felix's own English punctuation and grammar, but again, I'm leaving in his mistakes, and they are not my own 😭

Italics indicate parts that were already in English or the Roman alphabet and [brackets] indicate my own notes.

I left in most honorifics they used, including a common shortening of *seonsaengnim, ie teacher, but putting in addendums like "composer" after every composer listed got a bit tedious, so I left those out. Just assume they're being very respectful of everyone unless they're equal or younger in age lol.

You will quickly figure out that they're thanking a lot of the same people, but you get some quirks too, including some familiar names of other JYPE artists!

Without further ado, enjoy!

Bang Chan

Hello! I have finally made my official debut! There are so many people who helped Chan come this far, and I am truly, truly grateful! First of all, my family in Australia, my dad, mom, Haena, and Wonie! Thank you so much for believing in me until the end and always supporting me... It must have been really frustrating, difficult, and painful to wait, but I'm so, so thankful for sticking with it until the end... I'll be successful and become a great son, oppa, and hyung for waiting so long! Love you always! I am also very grateful to my relatives in Korea. Of course, I don't see you often, but thank you so much for being a great help to me anytime and anywhere!

Another precious family in Korea... JYP FAMILY! Thank you so so so much! First of all, our PD Park Jinyoung, President Jung Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Vice President Pyo Jongrok, please always understand that I still have many shortcomings. Thank you so much for watching me get this far! A cool person who can show correct behavior and a good image in the future, I will be Chan! It's a promise!

Now, the Training Team that has been with me for 7 years! I can never forget it. Jiyoung noona, Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Yeonsik hyung, Allen hyung, Seongha hyung! There are people who have seen me for a long time and there are people who have seen me recently, but time is not important. I'm just so grateful and I love you.. To those who helped me get here, thank you so much for helping me! I am so grateful to the Training Team and the countless teachers who taught me! First of all, Sujeong-ssaem* and Yumi-ssaem are like mothers... thank you very much for always being with me! Ali-ssaem! NO.. God Ali-ssaem! Thank you for teaching me so many things! Shin Yumi-ssaem, Hyungjoo-ssaem, Seongeun-ssaem, Youngsam-ssaem, Jisoo-ssaem, Jaesung-ssaem, Semi-ssaem, Doobu-ssaem, Jinhwan-ssaem, Jaeyeop-ssaem, Jinok-ssaem, Jjitong-ssaem, and Youngwo-ssaem! Thank you so much for teaching me so much! Another family-like Casting Team! Hyunkyung noona, Si-eun noona, Blake hyung, Donghwan hyung, Jin noona, Jiyoon noona (now not in the casting team)! Thank you for always watching over me! KJ[?] hyung, KJ from Thailand! I can't forget it~ Also, my Narae noona! I love you! Jeongeun noona, Heoni noona! I still remember! Ah, Hyang-ssaem, Gyurim-ssaem, Tatsuya-ssaem, and Hasegawa-ssaem, who taught me the language! Thank you for always teaching me well!

During my trainee period, I learned a lot from my trainee hyungs, noonas, friends, and dongsaengs! Thank you so much to everyone who stayed with me so far! It's great to see the current trainees always working hard, and they should continue to work hard in the future!

Yaochen, my favorite and hard-working dongsaeng, are you doing well? I will always be cheering you on! I graduated from the training center and was nervous about the new environment, but when I arrived there were so many familiar faces that I felt really at ease! First of all, I love our Stray Kids Team!

Song Ji-eun, CEO of Division 1, thank you so much for trusting me and my team and letting us go together in the future! Jeonghan hyung, whom I will continue to see in the future, Eunyoung noona, Jiyeon noona! Please take good care of us and we will always keep up with you! Also, Soojeon noona, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona who are watching over us, and the unforgettable A&R Team! Yeji noona and Jiho hyung! Thank you so much for trusting us and being with us! I will do my best! Hana noona, Jihyung noona, Jane noona, Jeongmin noona, Bohyun noona, Ara noona, Jena noona, Dayoon noona, Taewon noona, Jeongeun noona, and Sinae noona! Really, thank you so much and see you often~ Soonhyung hyung? Hahaha, you know that I love you, who is really like a big brother to me, right? Also, thank you to our wonderful engineer hyung/noonas! Team leader Taeseop, Hyejin noona, Sehwe noona, Minji noona, Hansoo hyung, Hongjin hyung, and Sangyeop hyung, thank you always and see you often! Thank you to our Division 1 2PM Team hyung/noonas! Team leader Chaeyoon, Sooyeon noona, Mihee noona... I know the names are difficult, but I will try my best to memorize them all! I will work hard and show only my best side! Performance Team! Namyong-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Taeul-ssaem, Gwangyeol-ssaem, Choi So-ssaem, Dasol (ssaem)? Haha. Thank you so much for helping me and my team so well! I hope to see you more often in the future~

Director Kim Heewon, Director Moon Hoyoon, Jaeho hyung, Team Leader Eunmok, Team Leader Park Chan, Team Leader Park Jongsook, Jihye noona, and Yejin noona! Thank you so much for just knowing me! We will only show you our good side! Ah~ Our Publishing Team’s CEO Lee Jeongyoon, Minji noona, Daye noona and Hyunwoo hyung! Thank you so much for helping me so well! Oh, and Kang Soonhyun! I love you haha. Thank you so much to the sunbaenims I know and appreciate! If you see it sometimes, you wrote it for me too, but now it's my turn!

To the 2PM sunbaenims we really respect, thank you for always taking good care of us wherever you are! We will become cool artists like our hyungs! Also, sunbaenim Yubin, who takes good care of me! And thank you to Hyelim sunbaenim! Thank you to Fei noona and Suzy noona for teaching me many things when I was young! We will work harder in the future! Also, A Yeon noona, Yerin, Jimin, Bernard hyung and Somi! Thank you so much! Thank you so much to GOT7, Day6, and Twice sunbaenims who made many memories together! Jaebeom hyung, Jinyoung hyung, Mark hyung, Jackson hyung, Youngjae hyung, Yugyeom, BamBam, Sungjin hyung, Jehyung hyung, Young K, Brian, Younghyun hyung, Wonpil hyung, Dowoon hyung, Nayeon noona, Jeongyeon noona, Jihyo noona, Momo noona, Sana noona, Mina, Dahyun, Chaeyoung, Tzuyu! I'm so grateful to everyone and it's so nice to feel like we're together again as family~ I love you! Ah, I love our Boy Story sunbaenims/cute dongsaengs too!

Thank you so much to the composers who worked with me on the songs for the last Mixtape album and this I am NOT album! Armadillo, Earattack, Trippy, Won Taek, Garden, Real Men, "School Life" composers, Hong Jisang, Lee Woomin, Kim Park Chella, Faces of Glory, and This N That! Thank you for working with us and teaching us so much! Also, thank you so much to Director High Quality Fish for making our Music Videos and Performance Videos beautiful! And 8oobagraphy took great pictures of us! Thank you so much! Thank you so much to the PD hyungs, writer noonas, and camera hyung/noonas who took good care of us while broadcasting Stray Kids! I miss you all! Thank you so much to the hair and makeup noonas who traveled with us and always took care of us! Thank you for always! And thank you so much to the stylist hyung/noonas who dress me up in cool outfits! Thanks to you, I always have strength!

I am so grateful to my friends in Australia who always believe in me and make me laugh, and I am also very grateful to my school friends in Korea! I miss you all for the first time in a while~ Love ya all! And our Stray Kids members! Woojin, Minho, Changbin, Hyunjin, Jisung, Seungmin, Felix and Jeongin! I really wouldn't be here if it weren't for you guys... I'm always grateful and will always continue to be~! Haha

And last but not least, our fans! Thank you so so so much! We get a lot of strength thanks to our fans! We will run harder for our fans! Even though we are still lacking a lot and don't have much experience, when people support us from the side, we have a lot of strength! We still have a long way to go, but I believe we will go on a fun adventure together! Come run with us! Turn everything upside down~! I love you all and thank you with all my heart!

Lee Know

Hello! This is Stray Kids Lee Minho. This is our first album, and PD Park Jinyoung, CEO Jung Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Vice President Pyo Jongrok all helped us release such a great album. Thank you for creating this great opportunity! And Jiyoung noona, CEO Song Ji-eun, thank you so much, Si-eun noona who cast me, the casting team hyungs and noonas, and the training team hyungs and noonas. Sujeong-ssaem, Yumi-ssaem, Seongeun-ssaem, Sool Jei-ssaem, Taehoon-ssaem, Namyong-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Gwangryeol-ssaem, Ali-ssaem, and Jae-im-ssaem who helped me grow like this. Thank you so much! Also, our team Jeonghan hyung, Soojin noona, Jiyeon noona, Eunyoung noona, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona, Yeji noona, Jiho hyung, 2PM team leader Chaeyoon, and Sooyeon noona. And thank you to Soonhyung hyung, Bohyun noona, and Ara noona. And thank you to the PD hyungs and writer noonas who filmed Stray Kids broadcast and made it great. Also, the composers who created wonderful songs. Director Mackerel, who made a great trailer and music video, and Booba hyung, who took pretty pictures. Thank you for always. Also, I would like to thank my hair and makeup noonas and stylist hyungs for always creating great hair and faces. Thank you for your continued support.

And to my family, mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, Soonie, Doongie, and other relatives, I am truly very grateful.

Thank you to my dancer friends, hyungs, noonas, dongsaengs, and my friends who danced with me.

And thank you so so much to our fans. I want to continue to be together in the future, and I will always show you my best side, please be my strength!! ♡

Also, thank you to our Stray Kids brothers; you must continue to take good care of me. Let's do our best.

Changbin

Stray Kids has finally released their debut album!! First of all, my family, my most beloved supporters in the world, have been through a lot of crying and laughing together to get to this place, and I am so grateful to you for always believing in me and supporting me. We would like to thank PD Park Jinyoung, President Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Vice President Pyo Jongrok for allowing the nine of us to pursue our dreams together and always giving kind words and support. And I am very grateful to Stray Kids' mom Jiyoung noona and training team hyung/noonas who made our Stray Kids exist. My Jayoon noona, who had a keen eye for casting me ^^ Even if you go to other teams, always hwaitinggg!!

We are always grateful to the Stray Kids team CEO Song Ji-eun, Soojin noona, Junghwan hyung, Sunmi noona, Yoonjeong noona, Yeji noona, Eunyoung noona, and Jiyeon noona, who lead us on a good path, support us, and take care of us ㅜㅜ You must have gone through a lot of hardships because of us. Thank you so much for trusting and leading me until the end. Well, please take care of me in the future! Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Ara noona, Dawoon noona, Jena noona, Hana noona, Sunhyung hyung, Jeongmin noona, and Jane noona, who worked hard and worked together all night long for our great appearance and good songs both in the pre-debut album and this debut album, I am always so grateful to all of you! And thank you to team leader Chaeyoon and Sooyeon noona who helped us during our MD filming. Thank you so much to Booba hyung who took a lot of great photos this time, and to Director Mackerel who stayed up all night filming and making the appetizing music video! Thank you to Trippy hyung, Kim Park Chella, Jisang hyung, Jeongseok-ssaem, Lee Woomin, and Faces of Glory who worked with me on the great songs I would like to share on this debut album.

I am so grateful to my friends who give me strength and support from afar ^^ I miss you! Thank you to all of our Stray Kids hair and makeup stylist hyung/noonas who always make it appealing.

Lastly, I am so grateful to the fans who are the driving force behind Stray Kids' ability to run. Even though it's hard and tiring from practicing, I get strength when I think of you all and see your faces ㅜㅜ So, I hope we can be a source of strength to our fans too! Stray Kids will work even harder to achieve that, so please watch closely!! Stray Kids members Jeongin, Seungmin, Felix, Jisung, Hyunjin, Minho hyung, Woojin hyung, Chan hyung! I’m so thankful and happy because we’re a team together, Stray Kids ^^ Let’s go to the end!!

Hyunjin

Hello, this is Stray Kids Hyunjin. I am so excited to debut with our Stray Kids members. I'm so happy to be on such a good team with Chan hyung, Woojin hyung, Minho hyung, Changbin hyung, Jisung, Yongbok, Seungmin, and Jeongin. I love you—let's do well in the future. I think it's my greatest joy to have you as brothers. And the people I am most thankful for in my life are my mom and dad. Thank you for believing in me, helping me go down this path, giving me the most support, and loving me. I love you.

PD Park Jin-young, CEO Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Pyo Jong-rok, who created the family called Stray Kids. Vice President, CEO Song Ji-eun, thank you very much. Please take care of our Stray Kids in the future. Please enjoy it! We are all in the same boat as our team: Soojin noona, Jeonghan hyung, Yoonjeong noona, Neungmi[?] noona, Eunyoung noona, Jiyeon noona, Jiho hyung, and Yeji noona, so please take care of them like your own family! I will work hard, I love you! And Jiyoung noona, Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Yeonsik hyung, Allen hyung, and Seongha hyung, who treated me well when I was at the training center, and Hyunkyung noona, Si-eun noona, Joonwoo[??] hyung, Donghwan hyung, and Jin noona, who were casting members, thank you for making and guiding me to grow like this.

I love you, A&R who took care of us for our album, Hana noona, Jane noona, Soonhyung hyung, Jeongmin noona, Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Jiyoon noona, Ara noona, Jena noona, and Dayoon noona, for making the quality so good and for being ours. And thank you to team leader Chaeyoon and Sooyeon noona for encouraging us to come out and see our MD photos. Please take care of me in the future. Yumi-ssaem, Ali-ssaem, Jaeyeop-ssaem, Sool Jei-ssaem, Soojeong-ssaem, Hyunjoo-ssaem, Jisoo-ssaem, and Seongeun-ssaem, whom I respect, thank you for helping me grow and raising me with kind and sometimes bitter words. I love you. I would like to thank my performance hyungs, Namyong-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Gwangryeol-ssaem, and Taehoon-ssaem for coordinating all my choreography and formations. Thank you for your continued support.

Many thanks to my cherished hyungs, friends, and dongsaengs who were like treasures to me and spent every day with me when I was a trainee. I'll never forget you, and I heard that you guys are cheering me on even when I can't see my old neighborhood friends who support and care for me from far away. Maybe that's why I really miss you. I hope you do well in everything you are trying to do now. I love you. And to the dancers who are dancing hard with me in my class now, I want to make sure we all succeed and dance together in the future. Thank you for supporting me so much and good luck to the 8th class of calligraphy! To my middle and high school teachers, thank you for caring for me and giving me many kind words.

We are indebted to the music video for this album, the writer, and the cinematographer. Thank you for making a great music video for us. And I would like to thank my hair, makeup, and stylist hyung/noonas for working hard to make me look as good as possible on the screen.

And our Stray Kids fans, we met many of you for the first time on Mnet's Stray Kids. I think we worked even harder thanks to your support during the broadcast, which would have been difficult without the fans' support. Thank you so much for always coming to see us and always loving us.

I will work hard to repay you. I love you.

Han

Hello! This is Stray Kids Han Jisung, who finally debuted this time. First of all, I would like to thank PD Park Jinyoung, CEO Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, Vice President Pyo Jongrok, and CEO Song Ji-eun for helping us release our album.

Thank you so much to the Training Team, Jiyoung noona, Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Seongha hyung, and Yeonsik hyung and Allen hyung from the China branch, who helped us grow so far. And from the A&R headquarters, Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Hana noona, Jeongmin noona, Ara noona, Soonhyung hyung who always helped us make good songs! Thank you for always helping us.

We are so grateful to the Stray Kids Team of Division 1, Soojin noona, Jeonghan hyung, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona, Eunyoung noona, Jiyeon noona, Jiho hyung, and Yeji noona, who always work all night long for us. Thank you for always believing in us! We will work harder in the future.

Also, Namyong-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Gwangyeol-ssaem, and Taehoon-ssaem, who created and taught us cool and impactful choreography for our songs! Thank you for always working hard to help us overcome our shortcomings! And I am always grateful and have respect for Yumi-ssaem, Sujeong-ssaem, and Ali-ssaem, who helped us improve our lacking skills. Thank you to our JYP family who work hard for us in places we can't see.

Also, Director Kim Yongsoo and my hyung, noonas on set filmed this quality, wonderful, movie-like music video, so thank you! And thank you, Booba hyung, for always taking pictures of me looking cool and pretty! Thank you so much to our hair and makeup noonas who always come out earlier than us and do our hair and makeup beautifully. Also, I am always grateful to the stylist hyung, noonas who dress us in cool, pretty clothes!

My dad, mom, and older brother, who are always worried about the youngest child in the family, are far away and although they are not with me, I am always thankful for their support and prayers, and I love them so much.

And... our Stray Kids brothers are always by each other's side, encouraging and supporting each other, and now I miss them even if I don't see them even for a day, and our members who have become one family now are Chan hyung, Woojin hyung, Minho hyung, Changbin hyung, Hyunjin, Felix, Seungmin, and Jeongin, thank you always... I'm so happy that our members are Stray Kids. Let us continue to be wonderful and closer brothers to each other! In the future too~ Please take good care of me!! It's a little embarrassing and unfamiliar, but... I love you. Hahaha

Lastly, our fans who have been waiting for our official debut as much as we have... no, even more than us! We are so grateful to you for giving us such a precious opportunity behind the scenes so that we can stand in this position. You always support us. I think it is a great gift to receive support from fans in our lives! Now we're growing up by your side! We will show you that we are always consistent and never lose our original intention! We will do our best to be a Stray Kids who can always bring happiness to you! We are always grateful to our Fans who always give us so much love despite our shortcomings,♡ I love you.♡ [heart exclamation point] Everyone! Please look forward to it in the future! Thank you all so much.

Felix

Hello, this is Straykids Felix. Thanks to PD Park Jinyoung, President Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byeon Sangbong, and Vice President Pyo Jongrok, thank you very much for your hard work for Straykids so far. Still, I still want to learn a lot about Korean culture, skills, and JYP style, and I am honored to be able to work as a JYP artist in the future. I will try my best. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ♡

Thanks to CEO Song Ji-eun ♡♡ Thank you for taking care of us, helping us debut, and being with us in the future. Whenever we do a music video, Jambangee, or something important, the CEO always takes care of us and buys us delicious food, so I think the CEO is a loving mother to Straykids ♡^^ We will work hard to make CEO Song Ji-eun and everyone proud of Straykids. We will show you a better image in the future. Thank you ^^♡♡♡

Thanks to Straykids team Soojin noona, Jeonghan hyung, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona, Jiyeon noona, Eunyoung noona, Jiho hyung and Yeji noona!! When we first met, I was worried because it was awkward with my hyung, noonas, but thank you for working until dawn, coming home late, and being with us Straykids. We, the 9 Straykids, will work hard and show it with good hearts. In the future, we will show you that we will always work hard to achieve success.

Thanks to training centre Jiyoung noona, Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Si-eun noona, Yeonsik hyung, Allen hyung, Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Ara noona, Dayoon noona, Jena noona, and Soonhyung hyung. Thank you for taking pictures, creating the mixtape album, and allowing me to meet the 9 Straykids when Straykids started. I didn't have much time to prepare, but fortunately, thanks to my brothers and sisters, I learned a lot about JYP style and Korean culture, and I will always be grateful and miss you. Thank you for taking good care of me so far, and I ask for your continued support.

Thanks to Namyong-ssaem, Taehoon-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Gwangyeol-ssaem, Sujeong-ssaem, Yumi-ssaem, Sool Jei-ssaem, Ali-ssaem, Jinhwan-ssaem, Jeongseok-ssaem, Jaeyeop-ssaem, Jisoo-ssaem, and Lee Hyang-ssaem. When I first came here, I practiced without knowing much about how to find my skills, but I am grateful to the teachers who have worked hard to teach me a lot so far. If the teachers hadn't focused on it, it would have been very lacking. Although I am still lacking, I have learned a lot and will work harder to become a great artist. Thank you!

Thanks to my family Straykids Chan hyung, Woojin hyung, Minho hyung, Changbin hyung, Hyunjin, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin, from the beginning until now, they have helped and understood each other, given a lot of love, and eaten together. I think we really are a dream team, practicing as a group and shedding sweat like tears. I'm always sorry if I did any harm to the team because I didn't know what to do at first, so thank you. I will learn and work hard to be a plus to the team. Thank you very much for understanding. This is just the beginning and we are short on time, but let’s work hard to succeed in the future! Straykids hwaiting.

Thanks to Straykids fans! Thank you so much for your continued support from the start of the broadcast and for listening to our music a lot ♡. Please look forward to better songs, stages, and appearances in the future, and we will show you only the best. I love you and thank you~ ♡

Straykids Fans! From the start of Straykids reality show til now, thank you so much for the love and support Straykids needed. In the future Straykids will release much more surprising, touching and great music so please look forward!! We will show a much better side!

Thanks to close, supportive mates in school and church. Thanks for all the good times we've had and unforgettable moments. I'll always remember the parties, ceremonies, camping holidays and lastly the kindness Ive always recieved.

In order to repay all the kindness recieved, I have wrote down my thanks in this album for you guys. At this early age, leaving Australia were hard, for my dream and goals however found. I pray for you guys to find your own successful life goals in the future. lastly, cheers.

Thanks to highschool teachers and church teachers

Thank you for all the hard work and effort teaching my year!!

I have learn't many things that will help myself in the future. throughout my years in highschool, there were many fun, memorable moments I cannot forget... it's a shame there was not alot of time to spend with my year and teachers. All the useful, supportive Hps during highschool has help me reach beyond my limits and changed myself into a much better person. Without the support, I wouldn't know what kind of person I'd turn out to be so thankyou and God bless.

Thanks to my family

Thank you for watching over me and giving me so much love when I was in Australia since I was born.

I will miss you all... Thank you for giving me the opportunity to become an artist in Korea. I will show you how hard I work. I love you, and hwaiting! ♡

Seungmin

I am truly grateful to the entire JYP family, my dream company, for recognizing such an ordinary student and helping him rise to this point. PD Park Jinyoung! I first met the PD during the broadcast of 'Stray Kids', and since then, I would like to thank you for always helping me and giving me many kind words. Thank you for allowing all 9 of us to debut together!

President Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Vice President Pyo Jongrok!! Thank you for trusting us and allowing us to come this far. Based on this good start, we will continue to work steadily!! A&R Director Lee Jiyoung! Thank you for seeing the potential and choosing me. I think I was able to come this far because of that beginning. And even though he must have been colder than us during important filming or MV filming, he stayed there until the end, so I really believed in his strength. Please continue to discover more dream trees with better roots! [No idea what was meant here] Subdivision representative Song Ji-eun!! Thanks to the fact that you always trust us and take care of us first, we will also trust and follow you. It's really cool to see how sincerely you treat us every time we see you. Please continue to treat me well.

Training team: Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Yeonsik hyung, Allen hyung, and Seongha hyung! Thank you for helping us get into the outside world. We really didn't listen to each other, but thank you for always thinking only of our success and making it happen!

Casting team Hyunkyung noona, Si-eun noona, Joongoo hyung, Donghwan hyung (Daeho hyung), Jin noona, and Jiyoon noona, who is now on the production team! Thank you for joining us in the memorable start of the public recruitment audition, selecting an ordinary student, and recognizing my effort and passion. I haven't been able to see you often at work because I'm away on business trips, but I'm always grateful!!

And our Stray Kids team that will be with us from now on!! Assistant manager Soojin, Jeonghan hyung, Sunmi noona, Yoonjeong noona, Eunyoung noona, Jiyeon noona, Jiho hyung, Yeji noona! I hope we can live together as a family in harmony for a long time to come! Thank you for always taking care of us first and working hard for us until late. We want to work hard to do the right thing and leave you feeling even more proud. The reason we are able to shine like this now is thanks to our hyung/noonas who worked hard. Division 1 Team Leader Chaeyoon, Sooyeon noona!! Thank you for having us during our last MD shoot and helping us take pretty pictures!!

Production team leader Jihyung, Bohyun noona, Ara noona, Dayoon noona, Jena noona! Thank you for always taking care of us during filming, helping us, and making great videos and photos behind the scenes. I think I was able to work harder because I was encouraged by the frequent pats on set! Our teachers have helped me develop good skills and follow the right path since I was a trainee!!! Soojeong-ssaem, Yumi-ssaem, Ali-ssaem!!!! In a short period of time, and even now, thanks to my teachers, I was able to think and make the right decisions and enjoy singing, dancing, and performing on stage more. I will continue to stick with you and work harder! Performance Directing Team Director Namyong, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Gwangyeol-ssaem, and Taehoon-ssaem! Thank you for always creating cool choreography for our songs and refining it until late so that we can perform better on stage.

Recording engineer team Hansoo hyung and Sehee noona!! Thank you for accepting and polishing our voices beautifully starting from the Mixtape album!! Acting management team Narae noona! Thank you for always saying kind words and welcoming me every time we ran into each other!!

Composers who make good songs together! I will practice more and work hard to ensure that you are satisfied with the song! Trippy hyung, Jisang! Jeongseok-ssaem! It was great to be with you this time too! And the High Quality Fish team who created really cool trailers and music videos, and artist Booba who is always by our side and takes natural, pretty, cool photos!! Thank you for the feedback, I think my photography skills are improving!! Hair and makeup noonas who always make our hair and faces pretty!! Thank you for allowing me to stand in front of my fans with a great appearance!!! I am often surprised to see how you can turn plain white drawing paper into a beautiful picture, haha. When I go to the store, I feel like the person in front of the mirror is not me, haha. And our wonderful stylist hyung/noonas! We are always grateful to you for dressing us in cool outfits that we could never have imagined at first. It may be difficult every time, but we will help you more in the future! There are times when filming ends late, and there are times when I feel sorry that you always take care of us first. Hair, makeup, and costume team hyung/noonas! Thank you for your hard work!

Music team Soonhyung hyung and Jeongmin noona!! Thank you for your many musical comments and compliments. Thank you for your continued support! Thank you for always having great ideas! Jongwook, head of the legal team! Thanks to you, I was able to get off to a safe and good start. thank you!!

Last year’s homeroom teacher, Wonjeong-ssaem!! Thank you for helping me have a good school life and always encouraging me! Let’s keep seeing each other in the future! And my friends who I have grown up with since I was young! Thanks to you, I can smile and have fun every time I go to school. Even if I can't express it in words, I feel proud and thanks for having it, you guys. Let’s work hard in our respective fields and see each other later with a smile.

We, the 9 members who met by fate to do what we wanted to do, let's go without losing our original intention!! Thank you for always being my support. Mnet's 'Stray Kids' PDs, writer hyung/noonas, and camera hyung/noonas who gave us a good start!! Now I see you often on M Countdown!! I'm so attached to it that I can't wait to see it. Thanks to you, I was able to cry and laugh and become closer to the members.

Lastly, even though I can never express it in words, I am so thankful and sorry to my beloved family. Your youngest son, who cried and asked you to live a life singing, is about to start his career as a singer. I have received a lot of love since I was young, and now I am truly grateful to my fans for allowing me to receive love from them as well, which I will share with them and work hard to grow into a worthy person. Thank you so much for believing in your son and allowing him to do what he wants. Thank you again for raising me nicely and properly, and now I will repay you!

In addition to my mom, dad, and sister, my aunt, my family and my two grandfathers who were a good influence on me and taught me what the truth is, my grandmother who wanted to see her grandchildren's faces even once but couldn't, and my grandmother who always encouraged me and made me feel beautiful. Thank you so much to everyone. From now on, I'm going to give back all the love I've received!! Thank you.

I.N

Hello! This is Stray Kids maknae Yang Jeongin! For allowing our Stray Kids to come this far, thank you all. Thank you so so much to PD Park Jinyoung, CEO Jeong Wook, Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Pyo Jongrok, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and CEO Ji-eun who helped us release the album. Thanks to you, I think a much better album has come out.

And the Stray Kids team that always promotes and supports us, Soojin noona, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona, Jeonghan hyung, Eunyoung noona, Jiyeon noona, Jiho hyung, and Yeji noona, we will work harder to repay you, hyung, noonas! And to Namyong-ssaem, Taehoon-ssaem, Gwangyeol-ssaem, and Ali-ssaem, who always help us with our dances, we would like to thank them for making our dances and teaching us. Youngkyoon hyung, Yuri noona, Anjin noona, Allen hyung, Seongha hyung, Yeonsik hyung, and the casting hyung/noonas who have helped us since we were trainees, Hyunkyung noona, Si-eun noona, Joongoo hyung, Donghwan hyung, Jin noona, even those who are not currently on the production team. Thank you so so much ㅠㅠㅠ I think we were able to debut like this thanks to you!! Thank you so so much!!

And the A&R team! Thank you, Jiyeon noona, Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Ara noona, Dayoon noona, and Jena noona for the hair and makeup test, and thank you for always being there during trailer and MV filmings and watching us until the end. I am always so grateful to the hair and makeup staff noonas who always work hard on site and help me, and to the stylist hyung, noonas who always dress me up in pretty clothes! Thank you for being so nice to us, and please continue to treat us well!! I would also like to thank director Kim Yongsoo for filming this music video and trailer beautifully. I'm really glad it came out so nicely. Also, Booba takes great pictures of us, and I'm often surprised at how great the pictures are. Please take more good photos in the future!

Yumi-ssaem, who always helps me with vocals, I will work harder from now on, and Sujeong-ssaem, who always gives me kind words, thank you. Music team Soonhyung hyung, Hana noona, and Jeongmin noona, thank you for helping us produce good songs. And thank you to the PDs and writers who helped Stray Kids broadcast. I think we was able to do so well thanks to them~^^

Thank you to the teachers at my school, and thank you so much to my friends who support me! And I am so grateful to Mom, Dad, my older brother, and my younger brother Yoon for always supporting and taking good care of me. I hope to become a great son to my mom and dad. I am also grateful to my relatives who always support me.

To the 0th generation fan club members and everyone who loves Stray Kids even if they are not from the 0th generation fanclub, I love and thank you so much. Please take care of me in the future. Thank you. Lastly, I would like to thank my member hyungs. I love you, thank you. Let's last a long time!

[Every time Jeongin writes Stray Kids in English, he tries to write it like Chan/the logo, and it's so cute 😭]

Stray Kids

We would like to thank PD Park Jinyoung and CEO Jeong Wook, who always say good things to us and set us great examples, and Vice President Jo Haesung, Vice President Byun Sangbong, and Pyo Jongrok, who always cheer us on with a smile and give us strength.

Jiyoung noona, Yuri noona, Youngkyoon hyung, Anjin noona, Yeonsik hyung, Allen hyung, and Seongha hyung who have taken care of us and guided us on a good path since we were trainees, Hyunkyung noona, Si-eun noona, Joongoo hyung, and Donghyun hyung who always greet us with a smile, Jin noona, our Stray Kids team representative Ji-eun, Soojin noona, Jeonghan hyung, Yoonjeong noona, Sunmi noona, Jiyeon noona, Eunyoung noona, Jiho hyung, and Yeji noona, who always care for us, take care of us, and say kind words, thank you so much.

The music team, Hana noona, Jane noona, Soonhyung noona, Jeongmin noona, who work hard together day and night to make our album great, and the production team Jihyung noona, Bohyun noona, Tae-eun noona, Jeongeun noona, Yeona noona, Soyeon noona, Jiyoon noona, Ara noona, Dayoon noona, Jena noona, Sinae noona, who improve the quality of our album!! Thank you for always working hard for us who are lacking. And to the recording engineer team that beautifully polishes our songs, team leader Taeseop, Hyejin noona, Hongjin hyung, Sehee noona, awesome~ Hansoo hyung, Minji noona, and Sangyeop hyung~~ Thank you for always making our songs of better quality. ㅜㅜ

Thank you to 2PM team leader Chaeyoon, Manager Gwangmyeong, Hwamok hyung, Eunseop hyung, Sooyeon noona, and Mihee noona for being so kind. We are truly grateful and look forward to your continued support!! We are always so so grateful to the performance directing LAB team, including Namyong-ssaem, Hyungwoong-ssaem, Assistant Manager Heeso, Gwangyeol-ssaem, Taehoon-ssaem, and Dasol noona, who teach us our choreography.

Artist Headquarters 2 Head Heewon, Gyunghyun hyung, Seongsu hyung, Jeongyu hyung, Minsung hyung, Assistant Manager Leewon, Assistant Manager Jihye, Yejin noona, Seonkyung noona, Ryerim noona, Assistant Manager Jong-gu, Assistant Manager Yeonjung, Ari noona, Sangho hyung, Donghyun hyung, Jasung hyung, Hyejin noona, Hyesoo noona, Narae noona, Artist 3 Headquarters Manager Hyunkook, Team Leader Joon-gil, Yongkyo hyung, Seonhwa noona, Sora noona, Team leader Haejoon, assistant manager Bora, assistant manager Hyoyoon, Nayeon noona, Jongbum hyung, Raejang hyung, Yongjin hyung, Daseol noona, Hyukjoon hyung, Hanmi noona, Saerom noona, Studio-J headquarters manager Hoyoon, team leader Youngjun, Assistant manager Sungjin, Gyungsin hyung, Junghyun noona, Yejin noona, Kangsoon hyung, Haram hyung, Sihyung hyung, Dayeol hyung, Assistant Manager Yerin, Jihyun noona, Ji-eun noona, Seunghee noona, Hyeri noona, Mujoon hyung, Gayoung noona, Acting Management team's team leader Ga-eul, Manager Sanghyun, Soonho hyung, Jaehyung hyung, Seungwon hyung, Taehyung hyung, Daehoon hyung, Sungbum hyung, Sanghoon hyung, Donggeun hyung, Assistant Manager Narae, Da-ae noona, Sojung noona, Manager Youngjoo, Assistant Manager Hwayoung, Hyunsun noona, Director Sangho of the Public Relations team, Manager Yoonji, Assistant Manager Seoyoon, Dayeon noona, Ye-eun noona, head of the Broadcasting team Jincheol, Assistant Manager Younggeol, Jaeseo of the Secretarial team, Gyungmin hyung, and Miri noona.

Advertising team Manager Jaeho, Assistant Manager Jungyoon, Hosoo hyung, Seongmin hyung, and Na-eun noona. Team Leader Eunwok of the Performance Business Team, Assistant Manager Seungeun, Assistant Manager Hyojung, Yujin noona, and Jeongmin noona. Yongho of the Management Resources Office, Team Leader Hyojung of the Accounting Team, Deputy Manager Yoonjoo, Manager Jinyoung, Assistant Manager Boram, Sister Sejin, Gyohee noona, Team Leader Sunghyun of the Human Resources and General Affairs Team, Manager Gyungjin, Hyunjoo noona, Kangmin hyung, Junho hyung, Team Leader Jongwook of the Legal Team, Changwoo hyung, IR team leader Younghwan, IT team leader Park Chan, Manager Siyong, Assistant Manager Chanmoo, F&B Team Leader Sunkyung, Manager Jaeyoung, Cafe Business Team Manager Sungho, JYP Pictures Manager Rayoung, Assistant Manager Jihye, Gyungheun hyung, JYP Publishing Team CEO Jungyoon, Manager Minji, Assistant Manager Daye, Hyunwoo hyung, JYP Japan Deputy Branch Manager Gyunghee, Manager Narita Rinko, Assistant Manager Jihoon, Assistant Manager Park Won, Team Leader Saiki Ayumi, Sungbeop hyung, Minaka Miho noona, Assistant Manager Sung-ah, Mina noona, Sudo Huuka noona, JYP China branch representative Cheolhoon, Director Yoomyo, Team Leader Miran, Songyoung noona, Team Leader Sungcheol, Assistant Manager Yoosin, Sooyoung noona, Rui Yakpyung noona, Jinhee noona, Team Leader Hyoyeon, Assistant Manager Hagon, Ihan noona, Weeryang, Assistant Manager Jangman, Assistant Manager Gyunghwan, Sangdal noona from the JYP Pictures China team, JYP Thailand branch director Gijae, assistant manager Nutcha Chansing, assistant manager Wasinee Srithavatch, Charunya Thairuksa nim, Vilaiwan Yodmai noona, and writers from the JYP publishing team Jisang hyung, writer Eunji, writer Tommy Park, and writer Eunsoo, writer Woomin, writer Jiwook, writer Daesung, writer Seunggeun, writer Seungsoo, writer Minhyung, writer Hyunkyung, writer Yongwoon, Armadillo hyung, Frants hyung, writer Itoyo, writer RAINSTONE, Garden hyung, writer Haesol, writer Joohyung, writer Seunghyuk, writer Jungsik, writer Inkwan, writer Wonjoon, and the company's seniors, Yubin sunbaenim, Hyelim sunbaenim, 2PM sunbaenim, Fei sunbaenim, Suzy sunbaenim, Baek A-yeon sunbaenim, 15& sunbaenim, GOT7 sunbaenim, Nakjoon sunbaenim, DAY6 sunbaenim, TWICE sunbaenim, Somi sunbaenim, we would like to thank all the JYP family members who helped us debut, and as JYP 's maknaes, we will work hard to become Stray Kids with pride! Thank you to everyone and we ask for your interest and anticipation in the future!! We will work hard without wavering and show only our best side!! Thank you!! We love the JYP family ♡♡

Thank you to Trippy hyung, writer Kim Park Chella, Jisang hyung, Jeongseok-ssaem, writer Lee Woomin, writer Fredro, and the two writers of Faces of Glory for collaborating on such great songs. Director HIGHQUALITYFISH, thank you so much for filming our music video and trailer in a cinematic way. Boobagraphy, thank you so much for capturing our pretty and wonderful sides in your photos. Additionally, Director Jei, Jiwon noona, Jihyun noona, and Miri noona, and other noonas who always bring vitality to our looks! Thank you for letting us take beautiful photos. Also, we are really, really grateful to Director Youngjin, Sangcheol hyung, Hyoseok hyung, Sera noona, and Mijeong noona, who give us wings with their stylish clothes. We will work harder as you make it more beautiful. Please continue to be with Stray Kids, hwaiting!!

I think we exist because of our fans. We felt like we had to work really hard when we saw people waiting outside until late to support our stage even though it was cold. Thank you so much for always supporting and giving us so much love!! We will continue to work hard to show you a good and unchanging image. Will you continue to love us a lot in the future? Thank you ♡ We love you ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

To the members of our 9 families who always support and take care of us, thank you so much for giving birth to us and raising us!! Thank you for taking care of us whenever we are sick and watching over us from afar. We miss you a lot, and we will be great on stage, so please keep an eye on us ♡♡ We love you ♡♡

Lastly, our Stray Kids brothers! We've been running with the goal of debuting, but think of it as a new start rather than an arrival, so let's work hard and make sure that something good happens!! Let's rely on each other and keep it like this and run again!! Stray Kids, let’s turn everything upside down, hwaiting!!!!

[aria0fgold]

Sorry I'm not your God (神様じゃなくてごめんね) Romaji Lyrics

Nee,

Kimi kara mite boku no kao wa

Nani iro ni mieteru no kana

Hont�� wa kimi ga egaku yōna

Sunda iro nanka janainda

Monogatari no shujinkō mitaina

Seigi no hīrō no yōna

Kodo to kotoba o nazotta

Sono kekka ga ima no bokudatta dakenanda

Shinzō ni tenteki o sasu yōna utade

Asa o ikinobite wa

Yoru no omosa ni kubi o shimerare nagara

Iki mo tamerare yashinai

Nigiri tsudzuketeita shinzō mo

Dareka no bunda to shitteshimatta

Sono kuse dareka o sukuitakatta

Sore ga hontō no boku nanda

Aa,

Shōdoteki na aide sukuwaretakunai yo

Nante mie o hatte itteshimatta

Kakkoyokunakute gomen ne

Aa,

Sekai yori kimi o erabutte

Minna ni ichatta

Kono ude wa ni hon shikanai no ni sa

Kamisama janakute gomen ne

Aa,

Furimaita nasake ga

Kiba ni natte osōtekichatta

Kitto subete yuruseru to omotta

Tsuyokunakutte gomen ne

Aa,

Tsunaideta te o hanashite

Kimi o oite ichatta

Kimi o mamoru tame no hazudattanda

Kamisama janakute gomen ne

Kitto boku wa yasashii hito

Demo kimi wa boku yori yasashii hito

Yasashii hito bakari kizutsuiteiku

Kono dōshiyō mo nai sekai de sa

Kitto boku wa orokana hito

Demo kimi mo onnaji orokana hito

Dakara wakattekureru to omotta

Sore o negatteshimattanda

Aa,

Kitto boku wa yasashii hito

Demo kimi ga boku yori yasashii hito

Dōka kimi dake wa boku mitaini sa

Hikari o miushinatte shimawanaide

Kitto boku wa orokana hito

Demo kimi mo onnaji orokana hito

Dakara kimi ga nami o omōka wakaru yo

Konna ketsumatsu jaiyada yo ne

Aa,

Tsuranuita shisō ga

Dareka no kokoro o koroshichatta

Sore dake ga tadashii to omotta

Kirai ni narenakute gomen ne

Aa,

Itsu no hi ka nageta kotoba ga

Zenbu kaettekichatta

Kono ondo wa tashika ni aru no ni sa

Kamisama janakute gomen ne

Aa,

Sayonara o shinai tameni

Kōsuru shika nakattanda

Kimi no me ni tayoritaku natteshimatta

Risō ni narenakute gomen ne

Aa,

Zen jinrui o aisu nante koto wa

Dekinakatta yo

Dakara dōka boku o urandekure

Kamisama janakute gomen ne

[imaginarianisms]

1 day i will make a meta of sansa's dynamic with her metaphorical champions/suitors & how that correlates to the ashford theory (i.e sansa being betrothed to joffrey baratheon, then promised to willas tyrell, then being married to tyrion lannister, then being married to harry hardying then married to aegon vi targaryen & aurane velaryon but it is not this day. lmao. when i make that meta it'll be so over for y'all.

[mars-ipan]

the hinata kinning is strong tonight

[littlestarprincess]

#humans don't even talk about our pheromones that's probably weird to other species

Humans don't even realize how extensive our scent based communication is.

Sexual arousal can change the chemistry of our breath within seconds (both with onset of arousal and like. Offset? Do you call it offset???); anxiety and depression both have distinct smells (know someone who regularly smells sour and disgusting despite looking clean? They might not be doing so hot mentally! DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH SMELLING GROSS WHEN YOU'RE FRESH OUT OF THE SHOWER?? It might be your mental health rather than something inherently wrong with you or your body!) and babies secrete a scent on the tops of their heads that is what new moms are talking about when they can't get enough of smelling their kids heads. That new baby smell is literally there to encourage caretaking.

Pheromones are not even just a sexual thing. They permeate our day to day lives, and humans have no fucking idea how much information they're picking up on other humans through smell because so much of these scents are like . . . invisible to our conscious minds.

Okay so hear me out. Alien who is very close with their human crewmate, and is used to you smelling like the various products humans use for personal hygiene. This is perfectly fine, maybe they even grow an attachment to your preferred brands of deodorant and lotion, but it leaves them completely unprepared the first time they smell your unmasked body odor and realize oh yeah, humans are very sexual creatures and produce pheromones accordingly. It's the alien equivalent of seeing someone you already like half-naked and having an "Oh no they're hot" moment, except you don't even realize the effect you're having on them because you just got done training or woke up from a very sweaty nap and just want to shower.

[wavernot4love]

alright y'all lil (alright, maybe not so little) recap of the second show of AG's Boom Done tour last night 3.4 in Buffalo @ one of my favorite venues, Mohawk Place. because my brain commits absolutely everything to memory at shows & i like writing it all down before i forget

(for fun & plus maybe folks going to this tour want to know what's shakin, since i haven't seen much online yet):

(note there will be setlist spoilers)

- alright so first, a freakin HIGHLIGHT for me was, of course, GET OUT!!!

Anthony was just kinda messing around with his guitar & then teased it by being like "hmm... how should i play this..." and then went into that and the crowd reception was AWESOME, dude. whatever the opposite of masking is, that's what i was doing there. i definitely started physically jumping up & down once i realized what it was (typical wavernot4love @ the AG show behavior). aka evidently he knew your boy (who like i've mentioned on here, got into Circa last summer through a kind person at a Dunes show rec'ing me Get Out & then BSN. Get Out was straight up my introduction 2 Circa) was in the building (/Ih).

also, i had to shorten my clip to post because in the rest i must've had my phone right next to my mouth,,, which made for some horrifying tone deaf live vox from wavernot4love. be glad i spared y'all from that one.

(i'm gonna put one of those keep reading thingies here, click it 2 see the rest)

- he also played Dyed In The Wool & Frozen Creek, continuing that theme (though I expected these more since he's played em recently). Dyed In The Wool with everyone singing along during the chorus was probably my top moment, and one that's gonna stick with me forever, honestly. i remember thinking it straight up felt like, a churchlike (but positive) experience or something during the songs everyone did that for (remember, it's just anthony this tour no backing band, so it was somewhat quiet in there). more on that later, but AG kept pointing out how nice the singing along was & how fun/awesome this all was, and man, that it was.

- he mentioned valuing spontaneity over a planned setlist every night and basically implied he was just goin for whatever felt right at the time. so just consider the songs i mention here as a basic guideline, he could very well switch stuff up every night. i love that he's like this when it comes to shows - idk dude, like, at one point he even asked folks what time it was, laughing when they told him, jokingly accusing them of being untrustworthy & then going right back into the tunes. dude was just here to play, for as long as he could.

- kinda tied to that, there was a running gag of the set being "inconsistent" (his word). he'd bring up jokingly that there'd be moments where everyone could be singing along, and then songs that nobody knows (and he'd jokingly "apologize" for that), and he'd even (lightheartedly) call specific people out and be like (to laughs) "look at this person, they have no *idea* what i'm gonna play next!" actually i think he said that before Get Out. at one point he was (paraphrased slightly) like, "so if i start playing 12 Circa songs in a row, let me know." i love how he just does whatever the hell feels right in the moment.

- also a couple times he messed up while starting a song (i think due to laughing) and bro would call out folks laughing at him for it (lightheartedly) and be like "this is all performance. vou don't know what goes into this!" (this was not at all serious and said through laughter. straight up half the show was all of us in that room just cracking up together)

- he introduced his Title Fight cover (Numb, But I Still Feel It) by calling TF one of his favorite bands & joking that they're gonna hear this & think it's time to get back together so... if you hear that Title Fight reunited, you know why, which, well, if you know that side of the scene, you know what's up. real shits and giggles moment, if i do say so myself.

- at one point (only bad thing) someone at the front was being objectively Weird in the way people (unfortunately) do to try to get an artist's attention (let's just say it involved throwing money (????? literally what) while yelling stuff about understanding because they're in the industry (??)) and he honestly handled it with so much grace. he pretty much said that made him uncomfortable etc and he would Not be taking more of their money please, he already did that, and that led to him ranting for a second i think mostly to himself in a thinking out loud/under his breath kinda way about *hating* having to sell stuff in the first place in order to do this and like,,, i go into this a bit in the tags but it genuinely reminded me of how i get when i'm passionate about something. what i'm trying to say, is dude clearly was heated & meant it. fully. just felt relevant to include

- then he ranted about something related to the moneythrowing, drunk (question mark) weirdo (long story, but it ended in him telling them to tip bartenders with their money instead of weird things), then used that to go on a tangent about how we should always tip people working in service in general and respect/be kind to them even if they seem rude or whatever because doing that shit is hard & sucks and maybe your kindess will be the wakeup call that causes them to one day have a moment where they're like, man, i was a dick back then for no reason. (i feel like i am nearly direct quoting him here)

- then after a song he joked about the incident saving we were probably just all watching like 🧍‍♂️ and it was like watching dad yell at mom at the dinner table while you just sit there staring at the ground and safe to say the mood was fully lightened after that moment of self awareness fhfhfh

- then a few songs later i guess the person that was being weird had left so he was like, (at this point there were no weird vibes whatsoever, like we were all just scoffing/laughing at the situation and cheering him on) "oh that person who hates me left. did they give the bartender that money?" (someone implied they thought so) and he was like "good." and that was the end with that weirdo situation lol. i have absolutely no idea why that person, drunk or not, thought that was a normal cool thing to do. as always, please don't be weird 2 musicians they are in every sense just Some Guys (gender neutral), treat them like anyone else.

- back 2 totally unserious things, during... uh don't mind me, like i've said in my previous posts i'm still getting 2 know Boom Done, so whatever song has like, the horns kinda near the end? he just started making freakin. horn noises since since there were, in fact, no horns in the building and made us all do them too and everyone was just straight up cackling because it was so stupid (/pos).

- idk one thing that stood out to me was one person belting along at the end of... i can't remember what song it was actually, i think one of his older tunes, but you could tell he heard & a song later complimented it & said it was beautiful. i'm telling ya, he kept going on about how nice folks singing along sounded and encouraging that, which was awesome because i wasn't sure what the vibe was gonna be there since it was just him playing.

- don't want to go into detail since it feels like something between Anthony & whoever he decides to tell it to in real time, ya know, but he did tell a pretty extensive story leading up to Miracle Sun. in terms of themes, it was in regards to (with plenty of laughs mixed into the serious bits, of course) letting folks that matter to him down + falling into a cycle of engaging in stuff that temporarily made him feel better but was moreso just self destructive, in the past. just interesting stuff to hear in connection to a song.

- at the end, before Dear Child, he just talked in the most honest manner about knowing he's let people down, cancelled shows (there were laughs mixed in here too), just not been the best version of himself over the years etc, but appreciating how long everyone has stuck around, and how we keep coming back, & jow much it means whenever we tell someone go check out a song or anything like that, & helping him continue to do this and also support his family and whatnot and man it just. embodied everything i love about AG solo sets i guess. i just admire how open a book &p vulnerable dude is. while i love his more theatric frontman persona of course as it's fun as hell, it's so nice at solo shows like this to hear more from him, in seriousness and otherwise. also dude was posting about how fun it was on instagram later so i'm just glad we all had a great time.

- also at one point before a new tune he was talking about these cds he had that have that on it + some rerecordings, Frozen Creek (feat. Keith of GOW), etc. i love cds so i ran to snag one later of course (they're $12)

- as for other merch he had a few shirts (like that cute one i keep seeing around, with him & the puppy), some art prints, & the Boom Done book thingy (i really wanted it but couldn't swing the $25 right now sadly)

anyways,, i posted on Setlist FM for the first time, here are all the songs i remember for sure (there were definitely at least 4/5 others i am not thinking of, i'd say he did 17ish songs, he played for close to an hour and a half. keep in mind he talked a LOT with us which was awesome)

edit: someone added a few more!!!

anyways, that's the show!!! 1. i may or may not be trying 2 figure out how to pull off one of the other northeast dates (looking @ Cleveland, which is closer but i'd have to drive to, or New York, which is further (+ yknow.. dealing w getting around in NY) but i could take a bus to, this weekend/next week as we speak,,,, that's how freakin good and homey (more on that in the tags aka uhh literal diary section of this post) and impactful this show was.

and 2. if any of this (especially said tags) sounds loopy it sure is because i wrote most of this at roughly four am last night post show, when i was even moreso still back *at* the show in my head. i still stand by all of it though of course, i just know it might not be the most coherent.

this tour rocks. AG's tunes mean so much to me. get out 2 a show!!! tell me about your experiences if ya do/did!!!! yay!!!!

[chahnniesroom]

night again

pairing: bang chan x female reader

summary: in hindsight, visiting chan's studio right before a comeback isn't one of your best ideas. what was supposed to be a pleasant surprise leaves you spiraling into self-doubt, wondering if chan even wants to be in a relationship with you at all.

word count: 6.4k

tags/warnings: angst, hurt/comfort, misunderstandings, insecurities, reader not eating due to stress

a/n: the long awaited 'he calls you clingy' fic! title is from the english translation of 또 다시 밤 (twilight)

read it on ao3 | masterlist

You love your job. It's challenging for sure and the expectations from upper management are often unforgiving, but you’re proud of how hard you've worked and everything that you've accomplished in the past few years at your company. 

As you've gained experience, you've slowly been given more and more responsibility. You've grown out of your junior role and though you're thrilled by the pay raise and prospect of being a team lead rather than being led by one, it's also daunting.

When you and your new team are assigned an important project with tight deadlines, you're determined to prove yourself. It's implied that you're going to have to have to dedicate a significant amount of time to finish it and while you're no stranger to long hours, it means that any plans you have of seeing your boyfriend, Chan, are out the window.

The timing is not terrible, Stray Kids has a comeback scheduled in about a week so you didn't think that you would be able to spend that much time with Chan anyway, but you usually try to surprise the boys at one of the music shows with a cake and some home cooked food.

Luckily, you've already been planning for this. Although nothing had been confirmed, you had expected that this project would be awarded to your company and you've already been trying to spend more time with Chan than usual in preparation for the busy season ahead for both of you.

Still, you can't help but agree with your best friend at work after she complains how little she's going to see her partner this month. Jinjoo doesn't know who your boyfriend is, but the two of you are close enough that you’ve shared that you have one and that work takes up a lot of his time. You've gushed to her about the sweet things that Chan has done for you and you've admitted that you think he's the one.

“You should bring him dinner sometime!” she exclaims when you mention you're not sure when the next time you'll be able to see Chan will be.

“Well, he’s really busy-” you start to say.

“That’s the beauty of it. I’m sure he would appreciate if you brought him food at work, especially if he’s anything like my partner and gets so caught up with work that they forget to eat sometimes,” she insists.

“That’s true.”

“Just trust me, Y/n. I wouldn’t be telling you this if I wasn’t sure that it’d work. My partner loves when I do this. It’s literally the perfect way to take some time for each other before you’re both too busy. Even if he's super busy, his work can't be bad enough that he’s not allowed to eat, right?”

You agree somewhat reluctantly. You're still unsure about whether or not Chan would appreciate you barging in unannounced, but it is a cute idea and Jinjoo's confidence is enough to convince you.

The next day after work, you head to the company and order takeout for a late dinner for you and Chan, picking it up along the way. It reminds you of earlier in your relationship before you had gotten your current position and when Stray Kids were just gaining popularity. Both of you enjoyed having more casual date nights that provided more privacy as opposed to going out to fancy places and it makes you even more excited to see his reaction.

About a year after you started dating Chan, he insisted that you get a pass to get into JYP Entertainment without having to fill out a visitor's form and have someone pick you up. It has definitely come in handy more than a few times, although you try to limit the number of visits you make. Even though you're allowed to be there, it still feels intimidating to be in the building, like someone is going to recognize that you're not an employee and accuse you of being a sasaeng.

Luckily the late hour means that you make it to Chan's studio without having to interact with anybody except the security at the door, who had waved you through without a second thought. You had double checked with Felix earlier in the day to make sure that Chan didn't have any schedules or dinner plans, so you directly knock on his door without texting or calling him beforehand. 

“Y/n?” he asks, a bit baffled when he sees you. “Did we- Did I forget that we had plans tonight?”

“No,” you say, a little nervous for some reason. It's just Chan, you tell yourself, but it doesn't make you feel any better. “I didn't think that you had dinner yet and wanted to see you.”

“Oh, I see. Come in,” Chan responds slowly, still processing your sudden appearance. “I just have something that I need to finish up-”

“It's fine! You can work,” you assure him quickly. “I don't want to interrupt you too much, I just wanted to drop by since I don't have plans and wanted to make sure that you're eating well.”

Chan’s studio isn’t messy at all, but he still gets up to clear some space on a side table for you, before returning back to where he has Cubase opened up. You pass over his food and feel relieved when he immediately digs in, but your appetite seems to have vanished, you can only get yourself to pick at your meal.

Chan is short with his responses all evening and continues to work on his laptop, even while eating. It throws you off a bit, you thought that he would be able to get to a stopping point and at least make a bit of time for you, but you did tell him that he could. Even so, you're determined to make the most of the last time that you’re going to see them for a while. You know they’ve been super busy the past few days, or more like the past few weeks, but still you had thought he would be a little bit more engaged or at the very least seem happy to see you.

Finally, after half an hour of eating with minimal conversation, you decide to broach the subject that’s been on your mind this entire time. Chan’s finished his food and you know that you won’t be able to get yourself to eat anymore, so you shuffle everything off to the side and inch closer to Chan. 

“You know that client we’ve been trying to work with for a while?” you start tentatively.

Chan hums noncommittally, continuing to type on his computer. Not quite the reaction that you're hoping for, but you forge on anyway.

“We got awarded the job! It’s a great opportunity for the company and everyone is really excited, but-”

“Y/n,” he interrupts. “I’m sorry, that’s amazing and all, but you know that it’s not a good time for me right now. I have something I really need to work on and now that you’ve finished eating, can we please not bother with the small talk?”

“Oh,” you say, a bit caught off guard. Chan has never been the type to cut you off when you're speaking. “No, yeah, I get it. Uhm. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, just-” he sighs, sounding frustrated. “Next time can you please ask me when you want to visit in advance so this doesn’t happen again? You chose the worst timing to come by. I just need some space, from all of… this,” he says, waving a hand between the two of you.

“Sorry, I know it’s a busy time, but I just wanted to see-”

At that moment, an alarm on Chan's phone goes off, interrupting you. When he turns it off and notices the time, he swears lowly, unlocking his phone and typing out a message to somebody. You’re scared to break the silence. Less than a minute later, someone knocks on the door.

“Come in,” Chan calls. When Changbin and Jisung step into the room, they eye you curiously. You keep your head down and try to prevent your hands from shaking as you stand and start to haphazardly shove away all your belongings and the garbage from your dinner into bags. 

“Noona, it's good to see you!” Jisung says brightly, although his smile dims when you make eye contact and can only manage to weakly return the smile. “Sorry for interrupting you two.”

“Hi Hannie,” you reply quietly, not wanting to make conversation, but not wanting to be rude.

“It’s okay, Y/n was just leaving,” Chan says, his obvious annoyance making things even more awkward.

You say bye to the boys quietly and apologise as you shuffle past them to the door.

The handles of the bag from your dinner are digging into your hand painfully and your purse can’t close with the way that you’ve thrown everything into it. You only take a few steps before you have to stop for a moment to save a container from falling and decide to put down everything and reorganise it all.

When you crouch down, you take a second to mentally berate yourself. Everything you had worried about had come true. Instead of being a pleasant surprise, you had come across as a nuisance.

In your rush, you hadn't fully closed the studio door behind you and you're close enough that you can just barely pick up the conversation that happens inside.

“Sorry,” you hear Chan say faintly. “I don't know what's been going on, but Y/n has been… really clingy these days. She just showed up today without asking and I hate-”

You leave before he has the chance to say anything else. You look like a mess for sure, you had just grabbed all the empty containers without bothering to put them back into the plastic bag, your jacket is partially dragging on the ground, and your purse is hanging off your elbow, having slipped off your shoulder. You're pretty sure you hear an empty drink bottle clatter to the floor behind you, but you don't look back to check.

You don't have it in you to care, you just need to leave.

Even waiting for the elevator feels humiliating, so you bypass it and stumble down the stairs. You dump the garbage into a bin on the first floor, not bothering to sort it properly, and step out onto the street, bee-lining to the nearest subway station.

The ride home passes by in a blur.

It hurts, of course it hurts. 

Honestly the reason that your relationship had worked out so far was because you weren’t the kind of person that needed a lot of attention. You understood that both of you were busy and were content to just exchange messages every couple of days because you knew how important Stray Kids was to Chan. Of course you did, they were just as important to you.

If Chan wanted space, well. You were more than capable of giving it to him.

In fact, your upcoming schedule had been the reason that you had wanted to meet up in the first place, the source of your so-called clinginess. You’d never been called that before. You were hyper-independent and tended to get lost in your own mind, easily distracted by different thoughts. It had gotten to a point that most of your exes had complained at least once about you being distant or inattentive.

With Chan, you had been determined not to be the same. It had been difficult at first, to make the effort to send messages throughout the day. You had to convince yourself not to spend too long drafting replies in your head and try not to worry that you were bothering him, especially if you knew that he had schedules at the same time that you were texting.

By the time that you make it to your apartment, your pain has faded into a mixture of resignation and numbness. You don't want to talk to Chan about how you feel, it's your clinginess that he didn't like in the first place, and you don't think you'll have time or the energy for a long, emotional conversation in the next few weeks anyway. If you keep your distance for a while, it just benefits both of you, you tell yourself. You won’t be a distraction to Chan as Stray Kids has their comeback and he won’t be one to you as you take on this new project. 

As much as you want to spend the rest of your night overthinking- something you’ve done more than you’d like to admit- you know that you have a busy day at work tomorrow. Feeling a bit like a zombie, you force yourself to shuffle through your usual nighttime routine, swallowing a melatonin pill before climbing into bed.

Normally, you would send Chan a good night message. Actually, normally you would have sent him a message the second that you arrived home. It was something that he was insistent on starting from early on in your relationship, wanting to make sure that you were safe.

Tonight, you just turn off your phone, plug it into its charger, and sleep.

—

In the morning, you allow yourself to wallow in bed for 5 minutes, before you get ready for work. You’ve never been good at eating breakfast and today’s no exception. Your stomach turns uneasily at the thought of food so you only force yourself to drink some water before you leave.

Your team at work has agreed to get to work earlier than usual just to get a headstart on everything. Though you’re more of a night owl, you’re grateful to find that deviating from your usual routine means that the subway is empty enough that you can find an empty seat, a luxury that you’ve rarely experienced.

It feels eerie to walk through the streets of Seoul when the sun has just started to rise and you’re relieved when you finally make it to your office.

Unsurprisingly, you’re one of the first to arrive. You’re grateful for the time that you have to unpack your things and make a much needed coffee before the rest of your team shows up.

“How did it go last night?” Jinjoo asks you excitedly when she comes in.

“Uhm, it was okay,” you reply noncommittally. “He was definitely surprised.”

“Oh,” Jinjoo pouts at your lack of enthusiasm.

“I mean, it wasn’t bad,” you backtrack, hating to see her disappointed. “It was just so short, he was kind of… busy. But that’s what I expected anyway so that's fine I guess. Thanks for suggesting it to me though! I really appreciate it.”

“That’s good,” Jinjoo brightens. “At least you got to see him one last time.”

“Oh yeah for sure! I think that after seeing him yesterday, it’ll be easier to deal with how busy we’re going to be for the next few weeks,” you say truthfully. 

It’s not a lie, you justify. For the first time since you started dating, you’re not looking forward to the next time that you’re going to see Chan.

You know that your communication is about to reduce to an all time low for the next few weeks, and while you had originally been worried about how Chan would react, now you’re thinking that he’s just going to be relieved not to hear from you. You’ve never thought yourself to have been overly chatty with Chan during the day though, preferring in-person conversation over texting and knowing that he’s generally not available to read your messages anyway, much less send you a reply. It seemed that you were wrong. 

Luckily your team now has to use a shared box that you’re required to put your personal phones into during working hours and only have a little bit of time during lunch and dinner breaks, if you take them, to fish them out. It’s a policy that your company enforces when teams are working on confidential projects and you can’t blame them due to past litigation that they’ve been involved in after a former employee leaked sensitive information.

For once, you're glad for this excuse to not look at your phone, even if you feel a little bit naked to look at the side of your desk or reach into your pocket and not have your phone there. You’re relieved to bury yourself in your work and forget all about your personal life. Even though your project is just starting, you feel like you're already behind. 

When you're finished work for the day and take back your phone, you find yourself reluctant to check your notifications. It's only when you're waiting for the subway to arrive at your station that you finally force yourself to take a look.

No new messages or calls from Chan.

You’re not sure what you expected, but somehow you’re still disappointed.

You get back to your apartment late, you had wanted to finish a couple of things before you left the office and it had led to you being one of the last to leave. You had also stopped by the convenience store closest to your place, not having the energy to cook anything for yourself.

You pick at your dinner half-heartedly. You're used to eating alone, Chan often had his meals at odd times due to his schedules, but tonight the silence feels more oppressive. 

It haunts you, the tail end of the overheard conversation. You have no idea how Chan was going to complete the sentence, but your mind unhelpfully fills in the blanks with worse and worse suggestions.

He hates the timing of your visit.

He hates that you visited at all.

He hates that he has such a clingy girlfriend.

He hates that you are his clingy, annoying, bothersome girlfriend.

He hates you.

In moments of clarity, you can recognize that it's not true. That's not the Chan that you know and he would never say something like that about anybody, least of all you. It's just hard when a small part of you has never really been able to believe that someone as talented and amazing as Chan would want to date someone as unremarkable as you.

You find yourself falling into a new routine, waking early, working overtime, and trying not to cry yourself to sleep. You succeed most of the time, you keep yourself occupied by thinking about work and you're so physically exhausted by your long hours that you fall asleep the second that you get into bed. Luckily, your coworkers are just as overworked as you are and it’s easy to blame your declining condition on the project. Weekends don't help you rest at all, you've committed to your manager that you can work on Saturdays and Sundays are spent completing the chores that you've neglected during the week.

You still talk to Chan sometimes, either right when you wake up or on the way home after work. The conversation is stilted though, both because of the long delays between messages when you text and the limited time that you have when you call. It's enough of a difference that Chan asks you multiple times if everything is okay. Even though you try your best to assure him that you're fine, just busy, you're sure he knows that something is off, although he doesn't question you further.

Most exciting is the day that the new Stray Kids album releases. You've already heard most of the songs for this comeback, perks of dating the member that's the most involved in the writing and production of the album, but it's different now that they're available to the public too. You make sure to organise your schedule so that you're on break when the music video drops and you send a number of messages in the group chat that you have with the group cheering them on. Usually, you try to take a day off to deliver some food to them at the music shows, but you've had to settle for arranging with one of their managers to treat them to a meal.

You can tell when they get breaks because when you check your phone after work, notifications from the members are all in the same blocks of time. It's mostly them thanking you, taking pictures of the food you sent, flowers that they've been gifted, and letters from fans. They have a short promotion period this comeback, but it's packed with different interviews, performances, and fanmeets. At one point, Felix even sends you a picture of Chan sleeping slumped over on one of the waiting room couches. As much as you're relieved to see that he's able to get some rest, the picture has your stomach twisting uncomfortably.

You're proud of Chan, of all of the boys. They've worked so hard and each comeback seems to be more and more successful. Even if you're not confident in what's going to happen with you and Chan in the future, you want to celebrate with them while you still can.

—

After almost four weeks, your project is nearing completion and you've never been more grateful to have a deadline arrive.

You only have a couple more days left until your last submittal is due and after getting off work, you want nothing more than to collapse into bed even though your stomach has been growling the whole walk from the bus to your building. You had caught a significant mistake in a document right before it was going to be sent to a client and the whole afternoon had been spent trying to fix it in time. Your team had just barely managed it, but your head has been pounding for hours and your whole body is tight with stress.

You’re not quite sure how you make it to your apartment, your exhaustion has made you clumsy. You struggle a couple times to enter in the code to unlock your door and trip over a pair of shoes that are scattered in the entryway.

You manage to catch yourself before you fall, then squint back. Yes, you haven’t had the chance to tidy your apartment in a couple weeks, but you’ve never been the type to leave your shoes on the walking path.

A light is on, further in your apartment. You know for a fact it wasn’t like that when you left this morning, it would have been obvious since you've been leaving before the sun rises. Someone else is here.

You stare at the light for a few seconds in disbelief, then slowly reach to grab something, anything that you might be able to use to defend yourself. Your shaking hands close around a full sized umbrella that you keep beside your closet. 

You’ve already made enough commotion that there’s no way the intruder didn’t hear, but you try to keep your footsteps light as you creep down the hall to where your kitchen is. It’s stupid to try and confront them, but the idea of someone in your space, potentially taking your things, is enough to inspire a sudden bout of bravery.

You hold your breath as you turn the corner, launching forward to attack the second that you see someone. You recognise the figure halfway through your swing, and though it’s too late to fully stop, you manage to pull back enough that they’re able to easily catch the umbrella before it hits them.

Chan wraps his arms around you then eases the umbrella out of your hands, resting it against the wall. You sag into his embrace, adrenaline draining away, leaving you exhausted again. 

“Chan?”

You've missed this. His warmth, his comforting scent, the reassuring steadiness that he always provides. You can almost pretend that everything is fine.

“Sorry for scaring you,” he says, sounding more amused than apologetic.

“You should be,” you grumble into his shirt. “I could have seriously injured you if I didn't realise it was you!”

“I don't think that was going to be a problem.” Even though you can't see Chan, you can hear the grin in his voice.

“Hey!” You lightly smack his arm. “You take that back!”

“Fine, fine,” Chan acquiesces, holding up both his hands in surrender. “I'm very glad that I didn't have to experience the full power of your self defence.”

“Yeah yeah,” you huff. “What are you doing here anyway? Other than trying to give me a heart attack, that is.”

“I made you dinner,” Chan says shyly, turning pink.

“For what?” you ask suspiciously. It's easy to fall back into the banter that you typically exchange with Chan, but you can't help but be a bit wary these days.

“No reason. I uh, just haven't seen you in a while,” Chan says sheepishly, scratching at the back of his neck where it’s now flushed red. “We had so much preparation to do and then all our schedules… Anyway, I wanted to surprise you, so I thought I could cook for us.”

Now that he's mentioned it, you can see that he's set your tiny kitchen table and that there's a couple of pots on the stove. Chan doesn’t cook often, but he’s expressed a desire to learn before and you’ve taught him how to make a few of your favourite recipes.

You stare at him for a moment, lost for words.

It's only been a few weeks, but you feel like you've forgotten how to act around Chan. Instead of a comfortable silence, it's almost awkward, neither of you knowing what to say.

“Oh,” you say finally, touched and still a little shocked that he's actually here. “That's- that's so nice, I just- is it okay if I wash up a bit quickly first?”

“No, yeah, of course. I'm sure you had a long day,” Chan says. “Go ahead, I’ll- the food should be reheated anyway so I’ll get on that. Take your time.”

You skirt around him to go to the bathroom, taking a moment to splash yourself with water. This feels like a bizarre dream and you wonder for a moment if you’re making this all up. But when you leave to go to your bedroom, Chan’s still there, puttering around in front of your kitchenette. You change your clothes slowly, mind racing as you try to puzzle together why Chan has decided to visit all of a sudden.

You eventually settle on the most logical reason that you can think of.

He’s finally decided to break up with you.

You’ve figured that this was coming for weeks by now, but somehow it still hurts. Instead of feeling resigned, it feels like you’re shattering into little pieces. You twist your work blouse into a tiny ball as you try not to cry, even though you know the fabric is going to wrinkle terribly. You finish cleaning up in a daze, already drafting what you're going to have to message your manager later. There's no way that you're going to be in any shape to work tomorrow if you’re right.

“Y/n?” Chan calls eventually. You know you're procrastinating leaving your room, but you want to put this off for as long as possible even though you know it’s just delaying the inevitable. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you reply with a heavy heart. “I’m fine. I'll just be another second.”

You can tell that Chan doesn’t quite believe you. He hovers around you when you emerge from your bedroom, knocking away your hand when you try to pull out your own chair from the table.

He's set the table, going so far as to fold little napkins under your utensils. There's even a tiny vase with your favourite flowers as a centrepiece. All this effort just hurts more.

“You look exhausted. You got home so late. Where were you?” he asks.

“I was at work,” you reply stiffly. You know that if you try and say any more, your emotions are going to spill over and you're either going to scream or cry. Maybe both.

“So late?” Chan's forehead creases with some sort of emotion. You can't quite tell if it's concern or scepticism.

“You're not the only one that has a demanding job.”

“Y/n, you know that's not what I meant-”

“Sure,” you say. “Whatever, let's just eat. Thank you for the food.”

You don't want to deal with this. You're so tired.

You have no idea why Chan’s dragging this out longer than it needs to be. Why he’s forcing you to sit through a meal with him like he’s not about to break your heart. Chan is one of the kindest people you know, he’s probably trying to make this easier for you, giving you one last nice memory, but it just feels cruel.

Chan reaches out, stopping you before you can pick up your chopsticks. He stares at the way his fingers overlap each other around your wrist.

“You’ve lost weight,” he says quietly. You look away, watching steam curl from the bowl of rice that has been set in front of you instead of returning eye contact.

“I’ve been busy.” Is all you can say in response. 

You don’t want to tell him that you’ve been basically subsisting on iced americanos and various convenience store meals in part because of your work schedule, but mostly because of your lack of appetite. Every time you thought of Chan, it made your stomach turn and well, everything reminded you of him. You hadn’t realised how much it had actually affected your physical condition until now though.

“You're not taking care of yourself,” he scolds you. You can feel yourself bristle at his comment even though you know it’s true. “I haven't been around to take care of you either. I'm sorry.”

“Chan,” you protest. It has been weeks since you last saw him in person and you’ve spent more time that you’d like to admit micro analysing your relationship, but you still can’t make sense of his behaviour, especially how he keeps switching between criticism and tenderness.

“What?” he asks in genuine confusion.

“Why are you here?”

“I missed you,” Chan says, sounding hurt and confused. “I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“I just- I don’t understand what you want from me!” You run your hands through your hair in frustration. “One day you don’t want me around, we go weeks without seeing each other, then you’re at my place cooking me dinner? You said you needed space, I gave you space."

“Woah woah woah, what do you mean I don’t want you around?” Chan asks, alarmed. “When have I ever said that?”

“You made it pretty clear that you didn’t appreciate it when I went to bring you dinner that day,” you start.

“No, baby!” Chan stands up abruptly before you can say anything else. He falters when the loud scrape of his chair causes you to flinch back. He slowly walks towards you and kneels in front of you, reaching out to hold your hands in his. His eyes are wide with earnestness. “Of course I wanted to spend time with you. I always want to be with you.”

“So why did you call me clingy?” you ask in a small voice. Gone is your anger, replaced with a self-consciousness that you can’t hide. You look away as tears prickle your eyes.

Gently, Chan lets go of your hands and cups your cheeks instead, turning your face so that he can see you better. His thumbs swipe under your eyes, brushing away the tears that have managed to escape.

“Baby,” he says, sounding even more upset and angry than you feel. “I'm sorry. Did someone tell you I said that?”

“Nobody had to tell me, I heard you say it myself!” you burst out, pushing Chan away. You know that you’re being dramatic, that you keep oscillating between different emotions, but you don’t care. “That day, in your studio, you told Han and Changbin that I was really clingy.”

“You heard me talking to Binnie and Hannie?” Chan asks slowly.

“I didn't mean to eavesdrop,” you sniffle. One of Chan's hands shifts and he carefully tucks behind a lock of hair that has fallen in front of your face. The gentleness makes even more tears well up.

“It's okay, I think I know what you overheard now. It must have hurt, right?”

You can't muster up a response, choosing instead to just nod slightly.

“I’m sorry, I'm sorry,” he soothes you. “Can I explain myself?”

You pause for a moment, then slowly nod again.

“I don't mind that you're clingy, actually, I like it. I shouldn't have used that word. I like that you want to spend time with me, Y/n,” Chan says carefully. “I like that you take time to visit me, even though I know that your work is busy too. I think that it's cute and thoughtful that you think of me and try to take care of me by bringing me food. I know that you intentionally take the time out of your day to text me because you know that I like hearing from you, even though I might not see it or respond right away.”

Chan pauses for a second and you use it as an opportunity to pull away slightly. His hands tighten briefly, before he lets them fall away, giving you the space to process.

It's not that you don't like what Chan is saying, it's just hard to reconcile it with the thoughts that have been eating away at you for the past few weeks. You still don't understand what you overheard though, how it fits into all of this. When you voice your concerns to Chan, he sighs, before continuing to speak.

“I don't know what I did to have someone as caring and thoughtful as you in my life.” You want to protest, but Chan carries on before you can say anything. “It's just that- you visited me without notice and were the sweetest person in the world. I wanted to spend time with you, believe me, I did, but I can't just ignore my deadlines when the rest of the members are relying on me. It makes me feel like garbage when I can’t give you all my attention. That's the thing I hate the most. That I can't be the boyfriend that you deserve. That I can't show you how much you mean to me the way that I want to.”

It makes sense, in some sort of twisted way. You know that similarly to you, Chan often feels insecure. It had taken a while before you had been able to convince him that you really did want to be in a relationship with him even with all of the difficulties that were associated with being an idol. You hadn't realised that your visit had fed into his worries that he wasn’t enough.

“I didn't know,” you say quietly. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, I didn't tell you how I was feeling and that's on me. I’m the one that’s sorry, you have no reason to be. I should have been clearer about what was going through my mind and it wasn't any excuse for the way that spoke to you. Even if I wasn't at my best, I can't believe that I made you feel like I didn't want you to be around.” Chan shakes his head and you can tell that he's beating himself up about it. This time, you're the one that reaches out to him, grabbing one of his hands in both of yours.

“I am sorry that I put you into that position, though. I got caught up in the idea of how fun and romantic it might be, that I didn't give enough consideration to your schedule. Even though I wanted to surprise you, it would have been better to check with you beforehand. I don't ever want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and work.”

“It was a really nice surprise,” Chan agrees. “I wish that I hadn't been so wrapped up that I wasn't able to enjoy spending time with you. I really hated not being able to see you these past few weeks.”

“It was really hard for me too,” you admit.

“I missed you so much. I missed your beautiful voice, hearing your laugh, seeing your smile. I missed all the texts that you usually send, they make me feel like I'm not as far away, that I'm a part of your day too. You kept saying that everything was fine and- I know it's hard for you, especially during comeback periods when I'm not as responsive. I didn't want to pressure you into messaging me more often if I'm not able to do the same.”

“No, it's not that. It doesn't bother me. Work was, is still really busy for me,” you explain. “I was trying to tell you that day, but-”

“But I basically shut you down,” Chan realises. He laughs bitterly. “I’m just the worst, aren't I? No wonder you were so confused by why I was here.”

“I thought you were going to break up with me tonight,” you whisper. Chan looks devastated by your statement.

 “No- you know I wouldn't-” Chan stumbles on his words in his haste to correct you.

“I don't think that anymore,” you reassure him. “I understand everything now, it was just that we didn't communicate well and I assumed… It's okay, we're together now, this won't happen again.”

“I promise that I will make it up to you. I love you and I will prove it to you in every way possible. And I'm going to start right now. You still haven't eaten yet, please go ahead.” Chan moves back to his abandoned chair and doles out a portion of the stew from the pot that's on the table. 

“I am really hungry,” you confess. Your stomach chooses that exact moment to growl loudly and the two of you can’t help but burst into laughter. 

Just like that, it feels like things are back to normal.

You know that there's still more that you and Chan have to talk about. The two of you have only scratched the surface on your insecurities, communication, and how those things led to such a significant misunderstanding.

But tonight, it's enough that you get to share a meal with the man that you love.

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