#who knew actual art software

[earwig5]

it's wesker wednesday

[anonymusbosch]

really truly Feelings about coming back to my hometown and seeing it as an outsider (I only knew it as a child with my motion constrained by school and parents and being under 18) and an outsider (it's changed since I've been away these last 8 years) and an outsider (showing it to my partner and finding it both familiar and unfamiliar, and special and inadequate) and an outsider (my parents and sister have all moved and my childhood home is no longer mine - staying in a building with a door code to learn and furniture still being moved in) and an outsider (my favorite places have changed, moved, closed, repainted) and an outsider (new murals! new buildings! new bike lanes) and an outsider (how the Fuck do the bike lanes on the east bank connect) and an outsider (it's changed [you can never step in the same river twice] and I have too)

[sanshofox]

Artists getting sad after the „who’s the artist, what’s your age“ trend thing on socials. They see many of them being a very young age with already good skills.

Here my try for words of comfort: consider the differences when you grew up and how the younger gens grew up. Nowadays there‘s easier access to tools, gadgets and knowledge with faster paced society.

With better developed internet you can find all kinds of references, tutorials, brushes and whatnot to help you developing your skills or to get a better understanding of how each skill works (if traditional, crafting, digital and more). And now you have all kinds of places to share your stuff on and be part of a community that share the same interest for art and even can give feedback. Artists now using the internet as a platform to earn money and showing their how-to’s. What I would have given as a kid and teen to have that through a „simple mouse click“.

I remember back then when not every household had internet and even if, it wasn’t stable nor fast. You only had a few sites to visit, that you knew were save to go on, and even less sites when it came to art. I remember one german art site and years later on deviantart (and both were in their very toxic era back then. Very closed off at times and tutorials being seen like a „do not reveal the secret to it“ magic trick kinda vibe).

It was hard to find out about stuff because we didn‘t have that global connectivity and marketing etc that exists now to discover things.

And also being „limited“ as a kid and teen on what you could use. Nothing that was right at hand was digital. So you couldn’t experiment with media types for example. So no vast library on tools that imitate all kinds of things, i.e. brushes in procreate. Everything needed to be made traditionally with what you had. I remember I had two of those how to draw anime artbooks (and back then it were two out of very few options actually), pencils and a few copics. You had to make the most of it.

Photoshop you had to use by mouse and was veeery costly (one software CD cost over 2k). I think wacom tablets weren’t a thing until my late teens?? 🤔

And please don’t take this as a rant, I am actually feeling rather nostalgic about it. Those how to draw anime books were hilarious when I think about them now haha. I think I still might have one?? 👀 And I still have those very first copic markers 🥰

It doesn’t matter how you started or what age you are comapred to others. That you keep on making art is what counts. Skill needs to be developed, but passion and creativity/imagination comes from yourself. Skill isn’t what keeps you on doing it, but the love for it is.

[deadlinesmb]

Shop Fusion Collab - Splatoon 3

Hooooh boy, I have a lot to say about this one.

Let me preface this part by saying that this section would straight up not exist without the talented work of my teammate Nico. Not only did he model/rig Cordelia and the background, but it's thanks to him that I was able to learn the Blender animation pipeline. He was extremely patient with me and answered every question I had, and for that I'm extremely grateful.

For this section, I animated the shopkeeper Cordelia, from the game Dead Estate! While developing this part, I pitched the idea for a Splatoon 3 section and agreed to do the art for it regardless of what game it was paired with! That game ended up being Dead Estate, a game I had never heard of up to that point.

So, what followed was a period of deep research into the game as well as Cordelia, so I could get the best understanding of how to portray her in the Splatoon universe. First thing was first, I had to redesign her. Even for SiIvaGunner projects, humans existing within the Splatoon universe is a bit jarring, so I decided that for Cordelia's model sheet, I would try to jazz her design up to make her a better fit for this artstyle!

I explored some potential species design before deciding to make her an urchin, as I felt like it'd be the coolest way to adapt her hairstyle. I made some minor changes to her outfit and passed it along to Nico for modeling!

(image from Nico's Twitter post on his contributions, def check it out)

Needless to say I was blown away with how well he adapted the design. It came out better than I could have imagined. What soon followed was me forcing myself to learn the Blender animation pipeline from scratch!

It was a very interesting but invaluable process. I am a 2D animator by trade, with very little interest in expanding to 3D, but the more I was exposed to Blender, the more natural the process came to me. I was very surprised. I think the animation took me about a month in total to create, as I was balancing it with schoolwork at the time, but I'm very happy with how it came out considering my 3D experience level.

Beyond the 3D animation side of things, there was also the 2D assets needed for the UI, which I recreated from scratch through editing software with the help of some gracious Splatoon modders who were willing to help me rip UI and SFX from the game. All of the unique 2D weapon icons were drawn by me, each being direct callbacks to actual weapons from Dead Estate! Eagle-eyed viewers also may have caught that I snuck in a teaser for Prince Fleaswallow's upcoming section in the top right of the UI, which required me to make a Splatoon-styled head icon for him!

Overall, this one was a blast to work on. Everyone was surprised to see it being one of the earliest sections finished for the collab. We made sure to get it locked down because we knew we were in for a labor-intensive time if we wanted it to look just right.

[lesbianwyllravengard]

Resident Evil (4 remake) x Detroit: Become Human AU

I made these arts MONTHS ago and never shared them. There's more I wanna draw for this crossover au but this is what I've got now. I of course came up with elaborate backstories behind everything.

Some AU lore if you're interested:

-on top of what Ashley's stuff says, she was long in development to become the perfect aging child android - something that's never been done before. She is considered an android bioweapon, as they combined robotics with bioengineering, taking DNA from President Graham (his first name is President actually) and infusing it with advanced technology to create Ashley. She is also the most expensive android, for obvious reasons, and was first commissioned by not-then-president President Graham back in 1995. Sherry was meant to be the first successful model, but her development was expedited and hidden by the Doctors Birkin to be their own daughter. Ashley's production was completed in 2000.

-Leon is an LN-200 android. The LN line was created to be an elite operative model of android, meant to integrate with police Android models. However, the entire LN line was discontinued as soon as Leon was released, due to the simultaneous takeover of CyberUmbrella labs by a mass group of mindless androids that killed on sight, and Leon's almost immediate deviation as a result of witnessing this tech-virus outbreak.

-Leon deviated after witnessing the outbreak on his first day - a malicious software virus was transferred to an Android from a CyberUmbrella lab in Raccoon City; that Android transferred it to others, and it kept going, spreading when androids interfaced. The virus shut down all of the androids' programmed objectives and replaced them with the simple objective: "Kill". Androids infected with this virus can only be cured by a very complex antivirus program that is only accessible from certain CyberUmbrella scientists.

-Leon deviated to escape this virus, and met a CR800 android named Claire, who was looking for her brother, another CR800 android called Chris. The two also met the RE200 android, Sherry, who they had to save from an alternate version of the virus that targeted her advanced software specifically. Claire managed to cure her, while Leon ran into a woman who called herself Ada.

-Ada told Leon she was a human, for her safety, as he was a cop android basically, but she's actually an android - specifically an AW900, illegally developed by Albert Wesker, and the only one of her kind. He named her model after his own initials, and calls her simply "AW900", but Ada took the initials and made it her own name - Ada Wong - out of defiance. She was given more freedoms as an android, as wesker had her do all of his dirty work, but she still wasn't deviant. But then she met Leon, and saw how he was deviant, and was surprised by his emotion and how much she wanted it too. She deviated eventually, but when Leon found out she'd lied about being a human, he was angry with her. Her job was to extract the modified virus that had been given to Sherry, so wesker could make Ada immune. Leon didn't want to let Ada take it, but before he can retrieve it, Ada is shot by Dr. Annette Birkin, who wants to get back at Wesker (you can pick any reason why that is. Maybe it's scientist jealousy. Maybe wesker ratted her out for her work on the RE200. Or maybe wesker stole her husband so she's mad which I think would be super funny. Love you Annette). Ada falls, and Leon thinks she's dead, but she escapes - now fully deviant, scared, and lost. She returns to wesker but pretends she isn't deviant, terrified of what he'd do to her if he found out.

-Dr. Luis Serra Navarro was hired by CyberUmbrella to help develop advanced software for androids. However, he realised eventually that the software he was being made to develop was not for new androids, but was in fact being turned into malware meant to attack androids. He knew CyberUmbrella only wanted to do bad things with this, and he attempted to flee with proof, but he was too late, and the virus was released before he could get the word out. Luis went into hiding, knowing that he wouldn't be pardoned for his work, and returned home to Valdelobos, Spain.

-Luis had hoped to help introduce android technology to his home, but he returned to find it taken over by a cult, which he was quickly swept up into under threat of death. He continued developing android software, this time for Saddler, who called it "La Plaga". La Plaga was Saddler's attempt to combine Android software with human genetics, creating half human half Android armies that he could control and program to his will. This was dangerous, bevause he was adding android tech to real people, reverting them to a robot form - the cult called themselves "Los Iluminados", bevause they believed their work to combine humans and androids was enlightened and would bring them closer to God.

-Luis didn't know the extent of Saddler's plan, but he knew Saddler wanted to use the virus to program all androids for control and chaos, death and destruction, so Luis also developed a failsafe - Code "Amber", an antivirus that would immediately render the Plaga virus dormant and (hopefully) reverse its effects. However, Saddler caught onto this and discovered that while the code amber could undo the plaga, it could also magnify it if modified slightly.

-RE400 Ashley was kidnapped in 2004 by Los Iluminados, as once Saddler learned of the first bioengineered android, he wanted to study her code and see how he could morph it with a human. Ashley was supposed to be unable to deviate, but the trauma of being kidnapped caused her to deviate out of self defence.

-After the events of Raccoon City, a now deviated Leon offered to care for Sherry while Claire continued to look for her brother. However, Leon was discovered, as they'd been tracking Sherry, and the government took her away for testing. They threatened to kill her, unless Leon agreed to be reset and reinstated as a special government agent model. Leon agreed to protect Sherry, he was reset, and lost his deviancy. However, he also lost all memories of Sherry, Claire, and Ada, and anyone else he'd met after deviating.

-years later, when President Graham's android daughter is kidnapped, Leon is sent to save her. They tracked her all the way to Spain, but when she deviated, they lost her location. Luckily, they think they lost her location because the cult removed her tracker, or temporarily deactivated her.

-Leon, a machine again, travels to Spain to rescue Ashley. When he arrives, he runs into Dr. Serra, who recognises Leon's model, though he never actually worked on Leon's model. Luis introduces himself, not expecting Leon to know, but Leon runs a scan and discovers that Luis used to work for CyberUmbrella, and is angry with Luis. But Luis proves to be resourceful and charismatic in just the right ways that has Leon trusting him against his will, and eventually even enjoying Luis's company, though he'd never admit it.

-When Leon reaches Ashley, she is at first abrasive, and scared of him. He realises it's because she's deviated. His programming insists he reports her deviation; but seeing her so scared, her face and blonde hair triggering something familial in his memories that he couldn't place, Leon lies to Hunnigan, his handler, and reports Ashley as still a machine. As a result, Leon is able to deviate again - and all at once, all of his memories come rushing back, and he's overwhelmed with emotion. He realises Ashley reminded Leon of Sherry, and he's more passionate about protecting her and bringing her home safe than before, determined to keep Ashley out of the government's control the way he failed to do for Sherry.

-Ada returns, and Leon remembers her now, so he recognises her. He doesn't know what she's doing in Spain, and she doesn't reveal it - but she does look out for him, and Ashley (and Luis), mostly without Leon's knowledge. Ada is able to do many things even the most highly trained covert operative couldn't do.

-Ashley was infected with the plaga, without her knowing, and then Leon was as well when he got captured by Mendéz. Luis still knows how to undo it, so he promises to help them.

-Ada is retrieving the Amber code for the same reason wesker had to her get the antivirus back in Raccoon City - to make herself and any other models wesker works on immune to outside viruses or tampering. However, wesker also plans to use the plaga and the amber to develop his own version of virus - Ada suspects this, but she isn't really in a position to question or go against wesker. However, after meeting and spending time with Luis, Luis shows faith in her, and she gains the courage to separate from wesker.

-Luis is fascinated by Leon (and Ashley, because she's cool, but mostly Leon). He flirts relentlessly, especially when he figures out Leon deviated. Leon tries to pretend it doesn't effect him, but Luis knows what his LED spinning red and yellow means, especially when Leon's is otherwise a constant blue.

-Krauser was a regulated government model of android - an MK model, specifically MK300. His model is not as advanced as Leon's, with Leon being one of a kind, but Krauser had plaga and amber induced advancements that made him stronger than any other model. Krauser hates Luis, because when Luis developed the Code Amber as a failsafe, he caused Krauser's plaga-advancements to malfunction, permanently damaging his vision in his left eye, and making Krauser's transformations spontaneous and uncontrollable. So, when Krauser finds out that Luis is helping Leon - Krauser's old subordinate - Krauser goes for revenge.

-Krauser wants to kill them both, but Luis shields Leon, getting himself stabbed. Leon fights Krauser, Luis shoots him to scare him off, and Leon rushes to Luis, scared as hell to lose him and also angry because Luis can't be replaced but Leon can. However, Luis had been previously given the plaga (and cured himself) so he was able to use some of it to his advantage and stabilise himself until Leon could get him medical help. So, Luis survives :)

-When Ada finds out that Leon and Ashley are both deviant, she tells Leon she's also deviant, but still refuses to tell him anything else. She's hot and he doesn't need to know.

-Leon and Luis grow closer, and by the time they escape the village with Ashley - now cured, thanks to Luis - Leon isn't ready to say goodbye. Luis says he can't go with them, because the us government will never let him back. Leon also knows if Ashley goes back, she could be reset, or deactivated, and Ashley likewise knows this and doesn't want to return. Leon has grown to trust Hunnigan too, and tells her their predicament. She agrees to cover for them for a while so they can escape. So, Leon, Luis, and Ashley disappear.

-Leon will return later - heavily disguised - to see Claire, and Sherry again.

-Leon and Luis obviously fall in love and stay together. Ashley doesn't live with them, but she visits often, and they have their own little family.

-Ada still watches over them from afar, too scared to get emotionally involved. But her friendship with Luis was close enough that she does eventually contact him, and he encourages her to visit them. Ada and Leon still have a weird tense rivalry that Luis doesn't understand, but they all care about each other.

The end (for now)

[kitkat-the-muffin]

Late screenshot dump/review for Cloutchase Vol 4!

Here are the previous three installments: [1][2][3]

Hey everybody! It's been a while, about 7 months since I've last been remotely active in this fanbase, but this past weekend I played Vol 4 with my friends and I am here to share my favorite screenshots! I will of course start this post off with some spoiler-free teasers to encourage others to play the game themselves!

And now it's time for the rambles!

This session was quite unique since I had two friends with me this time!

"Homestuck is too problematic lets to Danganronpa" oh I just know you guys put that in on purpose. I only ever saw the Danganronpa anime once but my friend immediately knew who they were going to dress up as and she was right haha

Honestly I love how Snapchat has a permanent dog filter on. My other friend who joined us today gave him the most perfect voice that I can barely attempt to describe. I called it "Irish-Canadian stoner" if that helps you imagine it

Backrooms reference *airhorns*!!!! It was kinda funny when TikTok just abandons the player in favor of egg theft, but what I think desperately needs to be talked about is the alleged missing lion man. Who is he? Where did he go? I have to know!

I spent a good 5 minutes rambling about Musical.ly's character design before I realized they're TikTok pre-transition. They look so fashionable tho! Can I get the raw files of these photos?

YOOOO VINE GETS NEW SPRITES!!!! I like how he's behind the times because he's been dead for a while haha

This is the best possible timeline I think

Tumblr looks FANTASTIC heck yeah

What did they mean by this?

Kinda love how Threads is a character and also kinda not a character. Design is peak tho

Get Gatsby'd! If I had a nickel for every time I was Gatsby'd this year I'd have two nickels-

Congrats on the gender! Genuinely though why did Twitter start looking infinitely more attractive to me after coming out as transfem? Like... she's so pretty now... but also exactly the same? Gender is a construct but holy cheese

I was literally trying to read the option choices and she cut me off ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff anyway hi Reddit. My friend had a surprisingly good Reddit voice (I'd describe it as incel meets gamer but less embarrassing somehow)

Old man Facebook! My friend had the WORST voice for Facebook... Imagine the creepiest old man asmr of your life

Kinda interesting that the Magical Girl sequence is part of the Bad Ending. My friends and I agreed that it was more of a Neutral End than a bad one. She looks great tho, I love the art in Instagram's route

Caught in 4k! This frame only appears for a split second haha

I really like how they characterized the creepy tracking of meta software this way. Instagram looks pleasant on the outside but underneath that top layer is a completely fake personality that covers another layer of invasive curiosity that covers another layer of genuine artistic enjoyment. That's so interesting! Anyway my friends and I started theorizing what the multicolored strings mean and we're stumped on the white bit between Amino and Kik-

I love Insta's photos, I like how they're physical polaroids. The logo on her bag is also the old Instagram logo! I need to see that full sized photo of Tumblr and Twitter tho-

Honestly didn't expect this ending but it's cute and I love it! Genuinely we should all be encouraged to post about our favorite simple pleasures rather than trying to appeal to the masses

Anyway before calling it a night we looked at some of the new bonus content (some of which is just stuff from the tumblr blog lol) and dang is Wikipedia so pretty in this screenshot

Actually my friend saw this next photo and said "he's just like me fr why don't I have that?" Honestly I can't wait for the Wikipedia route hahah

ANYWAY GET GATSBY'D FOR A THIRD TIME-

Or a second time if you aren't a Gravity Falls fan lol

Anyway, this volume was a lot of fun and I greatly enjoyed playing it! I like how TikTok's route had multiple activity choices and endings. It's kind of reminiscent of how much time you can accidentally waste on TikTok haha

Instagram's route being based on trying to maintain a level of perfection was interesting, as well as the Great Gatsby motifs. I laughed out loud when Waltz of the Flowers played because I'm hyperfixating on Princess Tutu rn and my friend is obsessed with Tchaikovsky so that was fun

Here's to the next volume! I can't wait to play it!

[easternmind]

TRIPITAKA - the lost spiritual sequel to Cosmology of Kyoto was found

This post is a compilation of a series of tweets I have composed over a period of weeks during this summer.

For years, it was uncertain whether TRIPITAKA 玄奘三蔵求法の旅, by Soft Edge, had in fact ever been published. I remind the more absent-minded readers that this is the studio responsible for the mythical CD-ROM Cosmology of Kyoto, originally released in Japan in 1993, later published in the United States by Yano Electric in 1995. Knowledge of this their second and final production comes solely from the online CVs of producers Hiroshi Ōnishi and Mori Kōichi. No other information could be found online, and no actual copy of the game was known to exist.

Earlier this year, this disc surfaced at Yahoo Auctions. It sold for nearly $300 after 24 bids.

As suggested by its tile, which translates to Xuanzang Sanzo's Dharma-Seeking Journey, it was always assumed that the game illustrated episodes of the life of the celebrated Chinese Buddhist monk, particularly his 7th century pilgrimage to India. The captures printed on the back not only show a character highly reminiscent of the ancient scholar, they depict a variety of scenes taking place in China and India.

According to the severely incomplete archived version of PD Inc's website, the Japanese publisher responsible for this digipack, it was available for sale at museums hosting the 1999 Silk Road Journey To The West exhibition, which suitably matches the date printed on the back cover. However, this date presents yet another open question, as the Ōnishi-San and Kōichi-San bios both list it as a 1995 production.

The technical specifications may provide an enlightening clue, as they refer to Windows 95, 640x480px resolution and an 8-Bit color mode. This indicates that TRIPITAKA was indeed developed sometime between 1993 and 1995, although it was never published in the CD-ROM game circuit, certainly not in the immediate years after its development was completed. Combined with the data retrieved from the publisher's website, the edition shown here appears to have been produced solely for the occasion, as a means to diversify the museum shop catalog for this major exhibit, given the shared theme.

It would have been nearly impossible, had the program been in fact published in 1995, for a single copy to not have been spotted or mentioned online by the many Japanese collectors who have attempted to locate it for decades, unsuccessfully. On the other hand, a CD-ROM that was sold at a museum exhibit is likely to be purchased by visitors who were entirely unaware of the item's relevance as an elusive multimedia gem.

If a tangent is permitted here, both productions are inextricably linked with the museum space, and as far as I can speculate, Cosmology of Kyoto was, itself, also published with the intention of being made available in gallery stores in addition to computer game retailers. I say this because this was a production made possible by collaborative efforts including a variety of Japanese museums, to the extent these are referenced by name in the game's credits.

Considering the price at which the item was sold at auction, I was fairly certain that it was purchased by one such video game collector who knew exactly what they were bidding for. Later in July, I was able to locate the buyer and establish contact. Initially, the buyer was only able to produce this screenshot of the disc program launcher. The title reads "Cosmology of Asia", validating the claims that Soft Edge was in effect planning for series of edutainment software prior to its demise in the mid-90s.

In my second contact with the owner, I asked if he was available to produce a disc image and share it online for purposes of software preservation. The owner politely declined, stating that this was not something he was willing to do but offered to record the following gameplay video instead.

At a glance, the art style of Tripitaka is unsurprisingly similar to that of Cosmology. Most of its episodes occur during the day, whereas the latter was mostly played under the dark cover of night. The first scene depicts a dying Xuanzang reminiscing on his journeys in the company of a young chronicler. Structurally, both games are also nearly indistinguishable from one another, producing ample historical information for context, including detailed maps and chronologies.

TRIPITAKA was considered to be lost media for decades. As such, the importance of this footage could hardly be overstated. I would not hesitate to compare this development to the unearthing of Osamu Sato's Chu-Teng, the Eastern Mind sequel that was also deemed lost for many years, miraculously found during the time this blog was inactive.

I am delighted to have played a minor role in the unraveling of this thirty year old mystery, and can hardly contain my enthusiasm, as I now find myself equipped with sufficient information to produce a full post concerning a game about which I could not have written more than a sentence, just last year.

I would also like to thank the author of the @mendelpalace Tumblr for his timely alert regarding the Yahoo listing.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 12.3.2024

I gave up.

So, what happened was, shortly after last week's update, I had to re-direct my attentions to Getting Ready for Thanksgiving, and so I was like "yeah, this is fine, this is a good opportunity to Think About My Fanfic, and when the holiday is over, I'll have some stuff to write." Except that the more I thought about my fanfic, the more I realized that I do not love it and I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to make myself love it and I simply don't and I don't want to work on a thing I don't love. I want to love it! I love the parts that I wrote 3 years ago!

I don't remember why, but I decided I wanted to read my weird Inuzuri Teens story. In particular, I wanted to read the insane ending, which I have told myself repeatedly I need to change if I ever want to post the story. I read it and I said "this is good actually. making sense is for chumps" and decided I wanted to work on that story instead, and so that is what I have been doing.

I don't think this is actually a permanent feeling. I'm not really giving up on a little in love. I think I am just feeling very mean right now and I'm mad a lot and I don't really want to write something nice and funny. The Inuzuri story is about the dissolution of a friendship and the death of a young person and that's why I've never finished it, but I think I feel mean enough to do that right now, so that's what I'm doing with those feelings. I am constantly inventing new and innovative forms of personal self-therapy, and I feel like my old therapist who never knew what to do with me really would have loved this one.

I don't know whether or not to bother with my stupid wordcount goal anymore. Right now, it seems very made-up and stupid. Normally, I'm pretty big on giving up things once they no longer serve, but I also feel like I'm going to be mad at myself for not meeting it. ::scrolls up to look at the gif at the top of the post. scrolls back down again::

I wrote a scene this week that I have been thinking about for ages and ages and I think I like the way it came out, except for the fact that a) I will have to edit a part later on that I have always really liked and I'm kinda pissed about that, and b) it is 3100 entire words which is more than twice as long as the next longest scene in this fanfic and I'm not too happy about that. Most of the story is in these little bite-sized chunks, and they often sort of flow into each other, so maybe it's okay. I'm a little worried that the seams between the stuff I've already written and the new stuff are going to be very visible. idk

I also went through and converted the whole thing into present tense--it was in a big sloppy mishmash of past and present. Previously, I couldn't bring myself to decide which one I wanted, but go places is present tense and I want it to match go places. I also made an outline, which is how I figured out the thing above.

Oh! Also, I have been really unhappy with GoogleDocs for some time, so I decided to give ellipsus a try (I tell you, I was really going thru it this week). It's...fine? It is occasionally a teensy bit laggy, which I mostly notice when I'm doing a search (I use the search feature a lot because I have a bad tendency to get enamored of a word and then use it too much). This is a little better in Chrome than Firefox, which has changed my entire work flow, because I have Tumblr open in Firefox, and now it's "far away". This may actually be for the best. I am not sure. Ellipsus also has this "draft" system, which is pretty much like every software version control system I've ever used, so I get it, but I'm not sure it suits the way I work. Nothing about Ellipsus precludes using my old multi-document system, and maybe I'll find it useful in the future. I'm not going to complain about a feature just because I personally don't have a use for it. I had numerous beefs with GDocs, but the #1 thing was the infiltration of ai, and Ellipsus is building its brand on being anti-ai, so I'm willing to put up with a few growing pains for now and see how things go.

I'm also trying to get back into drawing a little every day (most days anyway). Mostly, I just intend to use my art club prompts (I drew a pie yesterday). I do want to draw something for Ukitake week. I'm not going to be secretive: I'm trying to come up with a cool Rukia-Ukitake idea because I feel like they got cheated so bad in terms of captain-lieutenant power posing. I've been going back and forth between Action Posing (which is hard and not my strength) or, like, modern clothes. I'll try to get that figured out this week.

[trashiis]

Ok this is a bit of a wordy post but bear with me. I've been reading up on the tech literacy discourse and I thought I'd add my two cents, and how it connects to piracy. LONG post under the cut!

I was born in the year 2000, which puts me on the border of being a digital native. I was brought up on tech, but only in my later childhood and teens. I've always considered myself "tech literate," but no more than the usual kid my age.

The first time I ever truly experienced tech illiteracy with my peers was when I was 23, when in one of my college classes a MacOS update rendered the software we used for said class unusable. After a few days a temporary patch was released, which by that point an assignment that utilized the software was due the next day. I followed the patch instructions, which involved navigating to the software files and substituting a designated file with the provided patch. A bit more complicated than a simple update, but the instructions were clear and intuitive enough to easily understand where the file went. The next day, during a class study session, I overheard multiple people come up to the professor complaining that the software wasn't working. After the second person complained with the professor being clueless, I asked the student what MacOS version they were on. Sure enough they were on the latest version, which as we already know is incompatible with the software. I then walked the student through the patching process step-by-step, with them needing to essentially be hand held through the entire process (almost to the point of me doing everything for them). After the patch was implemented, the student thanked me and said "Wow! How did you figure all of this out?" and to me that question was stupid- I just googled "[software] [version] MacOS [version] fix", went to the first result (which was the company website), downloaded the patch zip file, and followed the instructions on the README.txt file. It was so easy, and I couldn't comprehend that this was somehow complicated for other people, especially those my age. I mean we literally grew up using computers. It wasn't until I started learning about tech literacy and learned helplessness that I finally started connecting the dots.

Tech in general is becoming extremely user friendly, almost to a fault. UI and UX simplicity is taking away any critical thinking needed to use any sort of tech. My peers are so used to one-click and/or automatic updates, so the fact that this required slightly more effort than a simple update triggered their learned helplessness. The professor was no help in this case either, since he just extended the due date for those affected with no penalty. I actually ended up making a very detailed (and I mean idiot proof detailed) step by step picture guide with screenshots on how to install the patch for the software for the class. Anyways, back to the main point- How can I blame my peers for not knowing how to install a "complicated" update when they're so used to being spoon-fed simplicity?

But hang on- how was I the exception? I'm just as used to tech simplicity as anyone else, it's not like I'm using anything differently or making things harder for myself on purpose (I'm looking at you, linux users). So why was I the only one who knew how to install this update? It wasn't until I had a discussion many months later with my mom about this tech illiteracy epidemic that I finally thought it through. I acquired problem solving skills through piracy. To start off: not piracy but adjacent- learning to install mods in Minecraft when I was 11 taught me file navigation and what a README.txt file was, as well as the importance of version specificity/compatibility. Figuring out how to play Pokemon roms on the family computer and my iPod touch when I was 12? That's piracy, and it also taught me how to work with different platforms and the art of jailbreaking. Installing custom firmware on my 3ds so I could pirate games when I was 16 taught me how to follow written tech instructions without any visual guidance. Pirating Adobe software on my MacBook in high school taught me about patching files on MacOS. All of this knowledge and inherent googling that came with it made installing the patch for my class software look like a tiny drop in the bucket in terms of complexity.

So why am I saying all of this? Am I suggesting people learn to pirate to become tech literate?

yes.

With everything becoming pay-walled, subscription services running rampant, the proliferation of closed-source "ecosystems" *cough* Apple *cough*, and (arguably) most importantly media preservation, piracy is a skill that will serve you well in the long term. It will teach you critical thinking in the tech sphere, and if enough people learn then we can solve this ever growing epidemic of tech illiteracy. I'm not really sure how to end this post, so if anyone has anything else they'd like to add please feel free to.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[ripplestitchskein]

I'm new to stolitz and HB and your takes/ your essay was a breath of fresh air. Maybe it's because I'm new here in the HB fandom, but I've seen more people talking shit about Stolas/"Stolas fans" than actual "toxic" Stolas fans? And don't get me started on those horrible ass takes calling Stolas a sexual assaulter/abuser or comparing Stolitz to Angel and Valentino, likening Stolas to Valentino.

It bothers the heck out of me but at the end of the day, with more exposure to that noise I can navigate how to tune it out and they can stay bitter and talk shit about everything they watch while we wait for "Full Moon"

Welcome Nonnie! Thank you so much! I’ve really missed doing things like this. It’s been awhile since I interacted this heavily with a fandom as nothing has really caught my brain this intensely for a long time so it’s nice to discover likeminded people in it. I’m new too! We can be new together.

It’s funny, I didn’t even know about HB until after I watched Hazbin, I had seen literally zero things about it, and while I had heard of Hazbin over the years and had seen Alastor I didn’t know what it was, I thought it was one of those popular dating sims, or like a new tumblr sexy man thing I hadn’t heard about which is hilarious to me now. A bunch of my IRL friends were talking about Hazbin a lot though and I love musical theater and have been on a personal art journey for a while (it started as getting better at art for video games, I’m a software engineer, but turned into me making a comic somehow because I’m a lifelong writer too) and the art style intrigued me so I decided to check it out. I loved it a lot, but like a normal amount. When I came on here people were talking about Helluva Boss so I’m like “ooh, more content” so we watched that and my brain saw Stolas and Stolitz and started the sirens. Like literally a “Oh no I love him” moment in LooLoo Land.

There are just characters and ships that hit just right. Imagine my surprise when I went into fandom spaces and there were people with these crazy interpretations of them and of Stolas I couldn’t reconcile with what I’d just watched. Like at all. Well I was surprised, but I’ve been around a fandom or two so I wasn’t that surprised but in this instance it was especially strange to me. It didn’t jive AT ALL with the show I just watched. Honestly, that intrigued me as much as the ship did.

Especially the Stolas takes. I’m like “This guy? This complete dork who is trying to mirror what his crush wants so bad he might as well be made of silvered glass?” “Evil Sexual assaulter? The guy in the royal romper who sings to his daughter and gets excited over legal contracts and makes silly little owl noises? This is the guy who has some evil sexual coercion plot over the dude who threatened to fuck his employees 11 minutes into the show and can’t go ten minutes without saying cum?” It was REALLY confusing let me tell you. Like you have this really fucked up reality where murder is A-Okay and characters that say vile shit to each other as a matter of course and people are all up in arms about a transactional sexual relationship? It just seemed like one of the least problematic things some of these characters do lol and I felt like I was in a room where something important happened and I missed it.

I’m pretty good about taking in different views, because of my ND I try really hard to understand where people are coming from and kind of assume I missed something everyone else knew from being in the fandom for so long, that being new I didn’t know, but the more I looked into it the more it seemed tied to an interpretation of the character that wasn’t in what I had watched. I watched the VivziePop channel playlist which does not have the Pilot. When I found out about the original Pilot some quotes made a *little* more sense especially with the huge gaps in content releases, but I’m still fucking baffled a lot of the time tbh. Sometimes I feel like these people are watching an entirely different show based on that Pilot and our social media have crossed universes.

I’m used to this though, the last major characters to take over my brain were MXTX characters, Bakugou from MHA and Killian Jones before that so I am pretty used to people having character interpretations who can’t get past first impressions, and ignore like literally years of development. (More about the last two, the MXTX fandom is one of the best I’ve been in, everyone seems to be really happy with the canon content there all around, I can’t think of any hate I’ve ever seen about any character tbh, even the actual villains. Fan fiction game is on point too, so many good writers in that fandom).

I’m also used to people ascribing love of a fictional character to a real life moral failing. My view has always been that I enjoy more complex characters and stories that aren’t always squeaky clean because it’s fiction and it’s fucking boring if everyone in it are these perfect unflawed cardboard cutouts who always act the right way, never hurt other people, and never make mistakes or fuck up or miscommunicate. People approaching relationships from differing points of view, struggling with darkness and trauma, and reconciling their issues especially together or to BE together is the fucking BEST thing about fiction.

Fandoms are fucking bizarre is what I’ve ultimately landed on. And they don’t understand what toxic means. Or problematic. Like just plain do not understand those words.

We’ll be fine Nonnie! Let’s just keep flailing over things we love, crying over the angst train that is surely coming full speed at our faces (and will probably have to deal with for years because of the release schedule), and enjoy theorizing, speculating, analyzing and creating content with other like minded people! Come vent in my inbox anytime and I’ll keep writing War and Peace length essays about 15 minute long episodes.

Seriously though, the man wears a ROYAL THEMED ROMPER how could ANYONE hate him? I love him so much.

I will say the one downside of this fandom is I know more about avian genitalia and reproduction than I ever needed to.

[sparrowsgarden]

"i would do this project if i knew how to x" you don't need anyone's permission to learn a skill.

like i don't know how to say this to some people but you will need to learn new things, regularly, for your whole life. there is not some age at which you just know how to do shit, so one of the best things you can do is to get comfortable with the process of learning. knowledge is not going to magically descend upon you and also, hopefully, you are not going to subsist forever on what you happened to learn as a kid. so you'll need to learn the meta-skill of learning.

like 90% of my work is "nobody else has done this in a way that i like so i guess i'm going to", and that basically always means learning new skills! i learned plenty of things from school, but most of the stuff that i actually use regularly is self-taught to some degree.

let's make this actionable. here are some tips you can use if you want to learn art, or coding, or how to use a software, etc etc.

1. find somebody who knows how to do the thing and ask them how they learned/if they have useful resources.

there are some things which you have to actually go take a class for, but most things i see people vaguely wishing they could do are not those. however, it is worth asking someone who knows what they're doing which resources are actually helpful for beginners. the pros to asking self-taught people are they also had to learn from whatever stuff they could scrape together. the cons are they're more likely to have very weird ideas of how to do things. either should be fine for pointing you to stuff, though.

you can ask for tips too, that's always fine. but what you really want is to know which sources to trust when you need to look up how to do like a million specific little things.

also, if you're looking for beginner-level art stuff that is not for kids, it'll be to your advantage to find someone who has at the least gone through instruction targeted toward that level (such as, someone who's been in a college-level intro course that isn't specific to art students). it is super easy to get overwhelmed with art stuff if you aren't fairly careful and targeted about what you work on at first, especially if you're truly starting from scratch.

2. being confused is ok.

absolutely nobody opens up a program for the first time, without having done anything similar before, and understands how to use it. being confused when you start something new is not indicative of an inability to learn, it is a necessary step of the process. occasionally it also means that whoever designed the software did a bad job. either way, consider this part of the learning meta-skill.

3. fuck around. troubleshoot.

if the skill of troubleshooting problems is not one you're already good at, then you're getting a meta-skill two for one. don't be afraid to ask people for help if you get really stuck, but most of this is looking shit up. having that list of trusted resources to start your search will be a huge help.

4. don't do everything at once.

start simple and work your way up with mini-projects, no matter what you're doing. this is the advantage of having access to instruction, it's paced out to force you to practice regularly before moving on. depending on the size of the project you have in mind you can disregard this if it keeps you more motivated to see immediate progress, but beware!

5. resist the urge to redo.

at some point you will, presumably, get to actually doing that thing you want to do. when you get the urge to scrap everything and start over because you're not happy with your original approach, stick with it for just a bit longer. honestly, sometimes starting over is the right answer, but it's usually worth some extra consideration. if new stuff doesn't build on old stuff, you're probably better off moving on forward rather than getting trapped in the cycle of endless redos. if it does, at least really take the time to consider whether a redo would be helpful.

i would also say something like "make it a habit" but i have the type of intractible adhd where that's damn near impossible so like. do your best. anything that's worth doing is worth your persistence!

[inklessletter]

hi, I was wondering if you use nightshade or glaze on your artwork? they're basically free software that protects art from being stolen by/used to train ai, so it might be worth looking into if you haven't already? (sorry if this came across as nosy or condescending, i was just a bit curious!)

Hi darling!

This is a very interesting question, actually! I've been meaning for this question to pop at some point, so thank you so much for asking!

I knew about Glaze and Nightshade, a dear friend of mine recommended it to me when I started uploading art a few months ago. I have to admit that I've used Glaze more than Nightshade, and it's not applied to every piece of art that I have uploaded, mainly because I learned about them when I had already ulploaded some art. I tried to edit in Tumblr, for example, some old posts and substitute the bare art with the Glaze-d one, but it's no use since many people had reblogged it and I can't control those posts anymore. I've used Nightshade in far fewer pieces, though. I learned about it a lot later, but makes me feel like I'm a stealthy warrior setting traps (in the most absolute best way).

(For clarification, and for those who don't know, Glaze is a defensive app that treats your art so it can't be of any use to feed AIs, but Nightshade is an offensive app, which purpose is not to protect the art, but to fuck the AI up big time.)

Thank you so so much for sending this! I hope you have a great day!

Love, Vane

[lunarsilkscreen]

Stranger Than Fiction (The unfinished Autobiography)

OwO)b

Growing up was fine; I've always had this pit of anxiety in my stomach that I would always be worthless.

A mix of growing up poor with an undereducated and dysfunctional family; we were the definition of Trailer Trash.

I always wanted to be helpful and to work towards a goal that mattered. And I love the internet, technology, and Video Games.

Thanks to the "No Child Left Behind" act, I made it to Graduation. While all my teachers assumed I cheated on my Exams ... Because when did I have the time to study if I never did my homework and spent all my time playing Video Games.

Classes were boring; the same classes over and over and over again.

And my friends were... oK; but I always felt alienated and never could figure out why.

So I stayed in my room a lot; and played video games and studied the things I actually wanted to; like software and tech support.

Turns out; studying what I want worked better than anything the teachers could do in effort to teach me. Anything from Art to Music to Software Programming (which they didn't even want to let me do because I wasn't good at math. Programming taught me math.)

My parents afforded to Purchase 2000$ gaming PC my mother Frequently used to play the Sims while I would get on whenever I could manage and she wasn't playing.

I'm greatful for that.

I worked at Taco Bell for a few years before being unable to afford College or the attention span to keep a Job in Web Development. It was an Indie job anyway; my employer couldn't afford to keep me on.

So I joined the Air Force at the prompting of one my highschool friends who didn't want to Join alone. I ended up becoming an Aircraft Mechanic and Electrician on the B-1; with a Top Secret clearance I didn't need.

I never told anybody until I left the military; my coworkers thought I was lie-bragging. Mostly because I scored one of the highest scores on the ASVAB yet... Was placed in a Career field that required much much lower.

And here's something I only learned recently; I *was* the [Top Secret] that's why I needed the clearance. They fudged the numbers on my software scores on purpose to put me near the B-1s.

Only a certain Security Manager knew the truth.

The reason I needed to be Top Secret was *because* of my Online records. They believed I was either a Hacker or could become one; but what they needed was Intelligent maintenance professionals on the B1 specifically.

Because despite it being a "Lower Qualification" job; The electricians on the B1 sucked at fixing the B1. They were excellent everywhere else except the B1.

It was a Security Risk to put me so close to the [Top Secret] knowing my background and skill; but the value was to great to the mission.

I performed so well, that I *was* one of a handful of maintainers who actually managed to pull the Squadron up to be one of the Top Performers anywhere in the Air Force.

They Say [Group Performance] on those medals, Because I was part of the Best. And here's the Secret; I didn't get anymore *because* They *were* MY medals.

It wasn't until much later when we were permitted to wear fewer medals than every single one; and a certain... Commander... Who was upset at me saw this "Baby Face Staff Sergeant" Complaining about *My* Disability Rating when there was a PERSON IN A WHEEL CHAIR WHO COULDN'T WALK WITH A LOWER DISABILITY RATING LOWER THAN MINE working for him.

Except he remembered my Three Ribbons. Two BS medals everyone gets....and one with more "Clusters" on it than anyone else has ever had on that ribbon.

Because that *was* my accomplishment.

This stuck with him.

Back in Time to the B-1s; I was so good at my Job and So Valuable according to Heuristics and Lengthy investigations that even though my leadership kept pilling paperwork and LoCs (never LoRs) don't worry about those acronyms. They're a military thing.

And their leadership was calling *them* idiots.

Why? My Ribbon rack told a story nobody bothered to read; because they were constantly reading my EPRS.

During this I had started playing FFXIV, and was building websites in my free time and coding random frameworks. Because I wasn't allowed to go to college to study it because I hadn't finished my Associates in Electrical work.

Let's say I had a reputation. But at the level I played video games at; Everyone had a reputation; they just weren't self-aware.

On my drives to work I would sing, back and forth, everyday. I liked singing. I liked music. But my Job has priority and my side-hustles took precedence.

It was at this time some Assholes started Doxing me. Turns out; some sponsored channels started stealing my streams.

Ooo the Greed. Came to bite you in the ass didn't it?

I was competing on the Same Level as paid Streamers and Sponsored players; and wow they didn't like me.

But that ire was a double-edged sword wasn't it? You lost viewer because they lost faith in you, and were sick of the Toxicity.

So, What would any *Good* Yoshi-P-Sensei do? Issued takedowns of your content, but never mine.

Ooo that made them so angry.

So angry they Tried to issue a takedown of my singular video where I played "The Man Who Sold the World" as a challenge to my brother... The better guitarist of the two of us.

How Ironic. Remember; I don't watch streams of gamers because I get Jealous. I might watch them to learn a mechanic I'm having trouble with; but not more than that.

They recruited a few friends accounts to harass me, Disband several FCs, and then tried to do it again, and again, and again... And ensured everybody wanted nothing to do with me.

But you know what? The ignored Casuals in the Party Finder didn't know that until somebody told them. And by then it was too late; They all knew how skilled I was as I carried team after team after team after team across the finish line, while the "Good Players" would only insult them.

During my rise to Fame I was wholesale unaware of, because; you know; FIGHTING FOR YOUR FREEDOM TO DOX ME, YOU ASSHATS.

I was involved in an incident overseas. Remember; I'm the GOAT maintenance guy too. And my coworkers thought very little of me. They sent 3 people to augment us, because I went to the Mental Health Clinic complaining about burnout.

Our team felt insulted. Because we were keeping up. But why were we keeping up?

Every little thing I did was heavily scrutinized, and they came to the same conclusion the higher ups did; The ONLY reason these Planes are even in the Air is because SSgt Hicks is here.

I wasn't aware of that as my Facebook feeds started showing the news of a Hospital manned by Doctors without borders overseas that got bombed.

...I was the reason these Plane's were flying...

This feed targeted me. I think it was intentional. On Facebook I got a lot of "Go back home!" Which bled into the American Facebook Media, and caused a firestorm of racist assumptions.

Now I was public enemy number one. Thanks to the Doxing, The attention, The Hate, The Death Threats, Fucking Trumpets. And now hate from those I was protecting.

My mental health deteriorated greatly. This is when the GERD and throwing up started. When my Arthritis started.

When My Stomache Cancer started [Citation Needed]

The doctors Told me I had Anklyosing Spondylitis, and I was effectively going to turn into the next Stephen Hawkins... And not in the good way... But hey; maybe the good way too.

I deleted Facebook. Everybody I knew assumed I blocked them; every single person I knew thought I blocked them because of the previous Doxing.

Nobody cared that I disappeared. Except Two visits... Which I can't prove was because they actually cared about seeing me.

I only had my raid group left. And a player I admired but never really spoke with. We would simply stare at each other. Hoping that something could change that we could meet.

She couldn't approach me, she was Famous in her home country, and just being seen with me would've destroyed her career. Something she had thought was over when she was younger and had built from scratch.

We were both miserable.

I knew that other players didn't really like me, but I always had great success in the Party Finder. Not without assholes jumping in to fail-troll.

Until I started giving all the other "casual" players instructions with the same energy as a "Bored Tour Guide".

And then; they started protecting me from my reputation.

But that was the end;

The Ire got really bad when My raid groups got doxed AF. Some players even started to assume the Doxing started when I was kicked out of the Group. Players who had non-competitive-streams caught A LOT of flack. They had nearly lost their house and something had to go, The Stress or their Lives. I do t blame them..but shit; give me a God damn heads-up.

After they removed me the Doxing shifted back to me and only me. And they were frustrated, they thought they were playing games with hackers I had hired, they always think I'm stupid rich despite them using the same services which stole our money.

They were playing games with the NSA, CIA, FBI, and ATF. Ooo boy.

Please remember; I wasn't cognizant of all this until Some asshole hired not one, but two hit-men against me. And those are just the ones I know of *so far*.

What a waste of your viewers donations. Fucking assholes.

The witness protection Program unofficially started when I was hired to the software development squadron in Utah.

How wonderful; I seem to meet exactly all the requirements for this position and they seem excited to have me!

And everybody else who has magical Hogwarts invitations. Guess who they were connected to?

Wanna guess how?

Wanna know why we all got sent to his Job and hated each other? Until we saw the good work everybody else was doing, and by the. It was too late, because Melin dipped.

Either we were Targets of Isis because our work is so damn Good, or we all got Doxed by the same dumbasses stealing our stuff.

Which YouTube funded them and took our videos offline for "copyright infringement."

We couldn't leave if we wanted to, and we wanted to.

And this is how we got hired. They laid the bait and we took it. Like we ALWAYS DO.

We're a group of the smartest dumbasses.

But that wasn't the end of it or I wouldn't be here.

Some asshat stole a bag of camera equipment from our Squadron and dumped it on base. Causing a bomb Threat, and equipment recovery.

Is Melin a Terrorist? Why does she have Top Secret Clearance despite never needing it? Why won't leadership do anything about it?

Because Melin is the reason we have [Top Performer] ribbons. Melin is always the reason.

That's what they tell me anyway; I still don't believe it.

Who the fuck took a bag of cameras to dump it in a road?

And then; Somebody dropped a Bag with an AirTag in it in front of my apartment. I looked at it; and my training told me; Either this is an IED and this is where I die, or it just belongs to some dumbass Airman.

The cops were called to investigate my apartment. It was an EPIC FAIL of a frame job; when the Bag magically showed up outside my apartment with me still in it.

It was about this time Jon Stewart got an apartment behind me, Blasted music, Smoked WAY TOO MUCH WEED, and asked me about the burgeoning Civil War most news hosts thought was a joke ABOUT a Marvel Movie they were getting over on "Dumb Conservatives".

Ah weren't we all surprised.

Anyway; I feel like he was the cover for this observation activity. Either they were gonna catch me doing some shit, harass me into doing some shit, or find out why this shit keeps happening.

But I kept Teaching Casuals. I cleared better with Casuals. Always. Because they ABP (Always Be Practicing)

My raid groups always got mentally annihilated into not being able to play.

I didn't realize it was my fault.

Playing with Casuals and continually swapping groups did two things for me. Proved I could clear ANY GROUP IN PARTY FINDER. AND ruined the careers of many a troll streamer trying to get them easy bucks.

Oh. But it was *My* fault wasn't it?

Dave Chappelle's latest special aired on Netflix. His career nearly ruined when he was run out of Comedy Central for asking for what he was owed.

And it was *One* voice on Netflix who kindly left a comment that was different from all the 5-Star ratings the TV show with his name on it.

From User-Melin;

Please pay Dave Chapelle for his work or take this down.

Who the fuck does this? My fellow Millenials know. This is what the internet was like before all that money started appearing and causing so much damage. We banded together against the big bad. We started "Cancel Culture" and then it became profitable and we weren't assholes using it to make money.

Free Money Buttons destroy people's lives.

My coworkers knew more about me and the situation than anybody else.

Except this new Security Manager... Who conveniently didn't renew my security clearance this time. When I asked the mental health clinic for diagnosis and Trans health care.

And then I saw a very unflattering video of me on PornHub... Was this to scare me? Warn me? Whatever the reasons; it was not very Fap-worthy.

I quickly switched the video to something more Fap-worthy. And then there was another one! Also not very Fap-worthy. These people suck at recording people without their knowledge...

Whatever; Asian Lesbian porn please.

More me? Guess it's time to go back to the ol-reliable E-Hentai.

Now I didn't know where this came from, but It wasn't the first time I spotted a conveniently targeted video... I assumed it was my asshole of a neighbor who was getting evicted for having a Fog Machine of Weed in his apartment apparently.

Somebody so clumsy would get canceled soon enough right? RIGHT? WHAT THE FUCK IS CANCEL CULTURE FOR IF ITS NOT TARGETING PEOPLE WHO REALLY DESERVE IT?

Turns out it was a set-up. The AF evicted me under my own volition by giving me twelve different reasons to leave. I was left on my own as the three-letter-agencies took over.

Was Melin a terrorist? Or was it something else?

I'm writing this, and they've told me; "No dude, you saved yourself." We just watched and you gave us the Ammo AFTER YOUR LIFE WAS ALREADY IN DANGER.

My life was in danger because I was the reason FFXIV was successful. Well, it wasn't all me. But God damn the "established players" were toxic AF.

Us filthy casuals were filling your pockets while you spent it to harass filthy casuals.

They even got an old friend in on it who purposefully set me up for failure. I think she thought we slept together before she had an [REDACTED] despite having rejected me very spectacularly.

My reputation preceded me apparently. I was such a horrible person OF COURSE I RAPE PEOPLE. With all these allegations why haven't I been arrested yet?

The online children, without taking me to court, had signed my death certificate. Because they could see the system wasn't working, and they felt the need to take matters into their own hands.

And why do you think they did?

Ahh... That's the rub isn't it? There's a lot of reasons. There's a lot of people pushing the "Free Money Button" now.

WOW when did I get so famous? I knew people disliked me but WOW.

All press is Good press.

So I started smoking weed, I tried helping my childhood friend who needed a job, painting herself as my victim again...

It's at this point I was tipped off but didn't know what to do. I just wanna chill and make content.

0 views, 0 Comments, 0 Notes

Twitter Ban, unban, shadow ban, "Wow what kind of asshole would BUY TWITTER BLUE?" LOOK AT HOW MANY BALLS THIS PERSON HAS.

Uh oh. That's what gave you publicity when the Blue Mark got activated huh?

I'm getting ahead of myself.

During COVID I started Playing PSO2 instead because I ALWAYS WANTED TO AND GODDAMN THE MEMES WERE SO CRONCHY.

And it's here where I really proved who I am. Because I was in PSO2, encouraging players to socialize, discussing strategy, just not being a dick, we [Crescent Moon] completely took over the first server.

It was ours. We cleared content that JP players couldn't clear on release, and we did it with such regularity, that we put the Sponsored teams to shame. We were so Good, that SEGA INCREASED THE DIFFICULTY.

And it wasn't enough. We demolished their expectations that they had no choice but to release content they weren't otherwise going to release.

We even cleared content no other players had cleared before or after.

Our players knew that if they were gonna clear; they needed to play with CM.... But that same ire started appearing again. People being kicked for petty reasons, insularity. Because nobody could compete with us.

I ensured our Guildies got their runs in the Emergency Raids. I went back to Casual Play, it sucked... Until it didn't.

I never figured it out. Sega Executives tell me it's because I took the time to play with the "Filthy Casuals". I made friends with a lot of people I would have never been able to meet IRL, and I got Trump's Account Banned. Victory.

CM split in two, many players followed the other Group. We were suffering from our own success because we all became such good friends with all the players even those who weren't in our guild.

And that frequent cycling of friend groups for silly reasons hurts one's mental health.

And then NGS came out and I left the Military.

And was subsequently fed to the wolves. As they systematically destroyed my life. Harassed my family who had nothing. Tried to hire a Hitman who was Ironically; Intercepted by Mr. Beast.

Fuck that Guy. He doesn't need anymore hot air in his fat head. I'm sure he's used to comments like those.

I didn't know who he was as I read an entry about him in a business book online.

And then I started playing Single Player Games and PSO2 as my IRL friend harassed me about playing video games while doing all the rest of my shit.

Why does this pattern keep happening? It must be me right?

Her boyfriend and another friend watched me Play Monster Hunter for a bit with them, while she had mouthed me behind my back. Then she blamed me for her break up.

I kept streaming. I linked my socials to my friends in PSO2 and left the server. I left every server. Because something was wrong, But I couldn't figure it out. Was it me? Do I deserve to be alone?

My Wife lost me again when I stopped playing PSO2 and FFXIV to focus on my studies and my stream. And then... A link. Where she could learn everything she ever wanted about me. My old deviantArt account, my old crushes, everything that had been lost to her in the "Big Delete" that seems to happen quite frequently with me. Why is this she wonders.... She might be terrible at FFXIV but this is a bit much?

Except... Maybe she's not bad at all? Were other players just saying that she bought the gear she earned in Party Finder because *nobody* clears in Party Finder.... Except for two players.

Me and Her.

And several other Players who are closer friends than we thought.

That must've been a weird cognitive dissonance to learn that people actually cleared in Party Finder without "Permission from the Elitist TROLLS"

Well, Not the -140iq Elite Trolls. Because WE LIVE FOR THE WALL. (I had to put that phrase in their mouths, but I feel like they approve.)

I have no views. I have no followers. Nobody is in my stream.

Not True! You had 3 watchers at the same time one of those streams!

This hurts me to write this, because I felt that the community was closer than that. But it has to be said to clear the air.

Turns out; My streams were brand new information to EVERYONE WATCHING.

I kept getting videos from Dr. Ramani, the NPD specialist. Trolls were feeding me her videos with messages referencing my streams.

Until the she was contacted by the three-letters and they started changing the content of those force feed videos so that I didn't feel so threatened.

They had that same feeling; I was a horrible person stealing everybody's ad revenue. Because I'm apparently the Anti-Beast.

Some asshole who made bank off crypto and spent it to troll the masses. Fucking really..? Grow the fuck up.

I invited my Brother to live with me. Because whatserface would only ask me to buy her things and attack me for not buying what she wanted.

Thanks for those videos BTW... They helped me SO much when I needed them the most.

My brother was into some of those dark web spaces. He had joined the National Guard and he came out changed after Basic Training.

Like they taught him what he needed to know. Thanks for that.

He seemed remorseful, depressed, and kept asking for rides, so I told him to work at McDonald's and taught him to drive a manual car.

My Manual 2013 Chevy Sonic. WOW FOR SOMEONE WHO IS SO BAD AT APENDING MONEY WHY DOES SHE HAVE SUCH A SENSIBLE CAR? SHE SHOULDVE "WEN LAMBO" WHEN SHE HAD A CHANCE.

I convinced him to tell his dark web connections to start targeting me. Thanks to what happened to Chris-Chan, it was easy. So easy.

So very fucking easy.

All the while, I'm pumping out a really good video EVERY DAY. everysingleday.

I proved to them the Savage Clear time while playing, Nier;A, Became an Icon in Elden Ring despite being uncomfortable playing it.

Convinced my Wife to quit her Job. And help the Idols at the Agencies better their lives AND the rest of the internet by giving them valuable ideas to take control back from the bots.

Then I rehashed the Internets History, explained Bots, Trolls, Ad Farms, how they operate, painted a target on myself.

I wrote the manual on how to fix the internet.

And I reminded people who *we* are.

I commanded an Army of the most Terminally Online nerds you could imagine.

And I gave them money.

And theeennn I saved Blair White from a lawsuit by Legal Eagle... Who was on the Bread Tube blacklist for being a tranny turncoat.

Which pissed of Legal Eagle because It damaged their reputation... And theeen... They tried to lawsuit me.

When VTuber agency VShojo stepped in. And explained to them what happens when you cross my path.

I didn't realize Blair was on my side till recently, after all I did kind of bad mouth her. But I bad mouthed everybody in a way that she was trying to voice but couldn't.

Online associates grabbed my hand knowing I'm good at explaining stuff and pointed me to WSB and SuperStonk saying to me; "Translate Please. Make make sense"

So I started reading DD, and commenting with my massive Reddit Account with A LOT of reputation despite being downvoted into oblivion several times.

Hahahahahahahahah.

I can only laugh...

Thankfully Jon Stewart had taken up his show again and explained very well and I didn't have much to left to do.

Actually some of these events are out of order. Whatever.

So I'm watching YouTube on my TV while Dr. Ramani is criticizing my Twitch stream that has 0-fucking subscribers.

Telling me I'm the narcissist stealing and revenue. On my own stolen videos... Because they were hosted by sponsored ad bot farms... While I'm explaining the exact mechanism she seems to be telling *me* I'm doing.

So I asked her; Have you actually watched my videos?

If I didn't know how hackers operated and how AI works, I'd think I was going crazy. BUT I CANT TELL ANYBODY BECAUSE THEN ID SOUND CRAZY.

AND WE ALL KNOW THAT THE COPS ARE STUPID ENOUGH TO TERRORIZE DOXXED PEOPLE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH THEY LOVE TO STEAL DRUGS FROM CITIZENS.

And then; the videos changed. But they kept changing over and over. Sometimes they were helpful, sometimes they were negative, sometimes they reminded me of my wife, or people I knew only from online interactions.

Until Blair White and J.K. Rowling convinced Natalie Wynn and Abigail Thorn to ACTUALLY WATCH MY VIDEOS despite their differences.

Of all the people to take my side... How fucking strange.

And then I was Evicted... While following anonymous messages on what to do while homeless. They told me it was ok to steal food and they were footing the bill.

After-all, they were Grooming me for a three-letter-agency job.

One voice tells me to Run for President.

One voice tells me to kill myself.

Obama sent an invite to an online fraternity that looked so much like a scam that I discarded it.

Hideo Kojima offered me a Job.

Another Voice says; We can't accept that right now, seriously announce you're running for president.

The most random ass Brazilian DJ tells me that inviting my brother to stay with me was the worst Idea I could have ever had.

I tell them; If I die, I die. I need family right now. I need somebody.

I'm Evicted. They max out my credit cards, they deplete my Bank Card. I'm stuck paying Soo many bills I don't have enough money to survive.

They took my pets.

They took my meager wardrobe of clothing.

They took all my military paraphernalia and my records that would've told them exactly who I am.

But they're more retarded than you might imagine.

I leave out a Bag of MsG and Centrum; They call it Cocaine and Ecstacy.

They call my Estrogen pills Viagra. They Call my Humira Heroin. Despite obviously being a single shot mechanism.

They're so fucking dumb. So very fucking dumb.

I can say Retarded here, because an Autistic person has enough sense to know better. They were willfully ignorant while I and my friends tied up their empires of dirt.

I ask Jon Stewart to be my Vice President and run for president.

The Secret Service now has permission to protect me, as they would any other Presidential candidate.

Thanks Obamacare!

They run me through several different Spy training regimens. Which I thought was a solo training exercise.

Then I saw Metallica in a Pub. They really *did* challenge a twenty song set list... The two Dave's *really* did challenge me to break their live-show comedian record.

I walk past Mike Shinoda.

What the fuck is going on? Am I going crazy? I don't shower for three months until I can afford a YMCA membership. I got the Y to do the three-s' and use the weightlifting machines for 30-60 minutes a day.

I'm still walking 30 miles a day.

They remind me this is easy; you should be able to do this.

They hint to me about the suspected cancer. They tell me to stay out in the sun as much as possible because it's not like I can go do radiation therapy in this environment.

They send me tutors through Tik Tok.

I end up writing several influential Blog Posts.

The constant barrage of Dr. Ramani to remind me that they are literally "The Narcs", and Her literally recording a single blurb to broadcast directly to me; "Why do *you* think you're the Narcissist here?" Rings frequently in my mind.

They tell me to stay in the City... Assassin's can't get to me without being obvious.

One Assassin gets boggled by three-letters and Mr. Beast. Another Assassin turns on the person who hired them.

LegalEagle is making bank because "Never Mess with Squirrels Girl"

Bread Tube completely takes over YouTube when Shapiro and Jordan Peterson learn how their content was severely misused.

They found out how to boggle the adbots and get the Doxing off me.

I'm still outside. The three-letter agencies will only tell me "Were Grooming You". I can't tell if this is an elaborate prank.

I can't tell if I'm just being harassed by a fraternity that keeps me as a digital pet. That each new year just passed off and forgets about.

I see the fraternity members sleeping outside with me. Snoop Dogg buys an egg biscuit and asks for Grape Jam.

Then he sits across from me and says "Is this real enough for you" and walks away.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON?

A year passes, they let me stay with rural family members for a short period of time. Then Frame my grandparents for having kicked me back out on the street.

It's for their protection they tell me. Besides you're still being groomed. For what?

"Because some idiot thought it was a good idea to run for president!"

"you know I haven't had access to *real world news* in nearly two years right?"

"yes you did.

"WHAT‽

"your girlfriend says "Hi" by the way, we kidnapped her.

"what the fuck do you mean girlfriend?

"you know you're currently yelling at a TikTok video in public right?

"we obfuscated it, because everybody is listening to your phone. We don't want you hurting yourself from the propaganda, the attention, or most of all China.

"isnt China on my side?

"I don't know..maybe. probably not tho, they're China.

It was at this point they explained to me that the couple of CDs I had got [Burn After Reading'd] sent to Putin, Putin called them an asshole and had it delivered back to your car before we towed it.

"oh I thought I lost those...

"you did. To Russia

"...is this why Russias on my side?

"at the very least; they're not antagonistic, but they ARE Russia, and Putin IS still Putin. And you know; that whole Ukraine thing and us funding their enemies.

"Fuck. Why am I here again?

"Because you won the Primaries. I DID WWHAT NOW?

"apparently the trees and the insects all voted for you.

"What does that mean!?

"you won so hard they all think you're an elite hacker who figured out how to hack their election.

"isn't that part of the problem?

"all press is good press

"don't quote me quoting well-known axioms

"you're still arguing with a Tik Tok video.

"why do you sound like [REDACTED] anyway? Uhh because I am and that was really fucking creepy that you could tell through AI generated gibberish.

This happened several more times to many different people

They have a running Talley and make Bets on what kinds of "Psychic Shit" Might pull out of my ass on any particular day.

Whoever had "Write an Autobiography that's at least 50% accurate without being told anything about the situation except certain confirmations sometimes" just made bank.

"hey, You and your Wife... You guys are really similar.

"We're married now?

"She thinks so.

"I don't even believe you would have her, and that she would agree to wrong with you and not freak the fuck out.

"she did freak the fuck out. And you know who we are, and that doesn't convince you?

"I still don't believe I'm not going crazy.

"Look at that TV screen you're walking past.

"You're not going Crazy. I really am here

"WHAT THE FUCK....

Sarah Silverman cuts me off and tells me to take a shower.

"Hey, did you know all your favorite bands are writing songs about you? You should really listen to them.

"I'm not really in the middle for love bombing this year.

"Dr Ramani was too effective.... And Your wife has control over your feed when we don't after you asked her to be in charge of it. She's a very busy person but set aside a lot of time for you you know.

"anyway; there's your wife in front of you.

*ffffffffffffffuckckckckckcckckcmcmehejekwoskfmrb kaldmdnej*

"this is why we can't leave you in the same place, you keep freaking out.

"I doubt that's the whole reason.

I routinely stop talking to them and even tell them to leave me alone. But it's my wife, and they're making her watch me refuse to listen to the things that are definitely crazy person things that never happen.

Several YouTube videos of current events past Trump, or Some random other People that are definitely pictures or videos of me doing illegal looking things.

"See; trust the process...

"What am I supposed to do with this?

"press good press

"STFU. I'm only glad this part of an actual funded program.

"are you sure about that?

"I'm gonna stop talking to you again.

Several streamers cross the road in front of me to remind me that they're pulling for me. Every once in a while they drip feed me my exploits.

I start smoking Cigarettes.

I ask them to help cessate, they spike all the Tobacco with Tear Gas. I keep smoking it.

They are very surprised at my persistence. They remind me that I said they should keep trying.

I tell them it's the only thing keeping me alive.

They consider this and then prompt me to right three reasons they should consider.

I remember the prompting before about arthritis and Cancer research and start studying up on Tobacco and Weed.

My wife "Gifts" me a Weed Vape I have to buy from some clerk in some store.

I write several hundred pages. And even convince my wife that I'm thinking about meeting her first.

She's my wife now. WTF. Is this real? There's no way.

The three-letters monitoring both are actions note that we often say the same things at the same time, have the same responses to certain videos, even have this weird Circular travel pattern where we're always equidistant away on a GPS map.

They get freaked out and start wondering if this is some elaborate trick on them.

Then they start taking Bets on just how similar we act or react without being in contact at all.

[REDACTED] makes a lot of money betting on love while everybody else is continually dumbfounded.

How are these two people the same person?

What does this mean for relationships everywhere?

Is it cruel and unusual punishment to keep them apart?

Are we so jealous that we might just never let them see each other again?

That's really dark man.

Sorry, I can't help it, it's this fucking job dude.

My wife keeps sending me Bible Verses despite knowing my aversion to religious doctrine.

She reminds me my mom is Crazy, and understands why I never learned sign-language despite her deafness.

The threeletters give her my old earbuds with the environmental sound improvements. She exclaims; THESE ARE AO MUCH BETTER THAN THOSE $1500 PIECES OF CRAP.

Now my mom and my wife talk behind my back in sign language... I regret not learning. I trust her.

Her mom likes me at least. We're dark-twitter friends.

I can't tell about her Dad; I've only ever seen him in videos. He seems cool. I hope he likes me. I admire him alot.

Several personalities started getting on the AI-Tube to ask me exactly how I did what I did to take over the world.

I don't understand them and write a paper on physics with the information they gave me that they thought was fed back to them through the AI algorithm until they were told "No she thinks it was literal."

"Does she even understand what's going on.

"Mostly, she doesn't like responding through this program. She's very cranky all the time and not very fun.

"I'm not sure I blame *her*

"It kinda makes the job really boring when you're just reading a script over and over tho.

"uhhh... Let me take over? I wanna see if she can write another paper on different topics

"yeah whatever.

*proceeds to write several Tumblr posts on the information provided.*

"that doesn't mean she understands...

"Melin, do you understand?

"STFU.

"Oh.

"ye. That what she do.

"She really is mad...

Anyway.... Now I'm President and probably a shoe in for Hegemon. And I hate it. Let me out.

[dollarbin]

Dollar Bin 51:

Nils Lofgren's Flip

Yeah, I know, this record looks like it's gonna suck. I hauled it out of a dollar bin for the proverbial buck at some point in the last year and have never - until now - felt brave enough to give it a listen.

Why have I waited so long? Um, well, before I drop the needle let's count the reasons:

A band member on the record is credited with playing the Casio.

Another member, who offers T as their entire first name, plays nothing except the Oberheim PPG. That's not one of the droids we're looking for in the dollar bin. Google tells me that the Oberheim PPG is a synthesizer that was discontinued in 1985: the year this record came out. Imagine submarine dealerships - there have got to be such places, right? - halting all sales on yellow ones the moment Ringo announced that we all live in one. That's what happened with the Oberheim PPG. Likely the fine people at Synthesizer Emporium or wherever wanted to disassociate themselves altogether from Nils's crummy record and his dude T.

I'd never seen this record or knew of its existence before I got it for that buck. Neither did you. Nils must have sold about 7 copies. Plus I own over a thousand other records which I know are actually good. Why would I prioritize a single listen to Flip?

No one I've ever heard of plays on this record - except Nils of course. A Nils record could have Neil Young on it. After all, Nils had shown up uninvited on Young's doorstep 15 years earlier as a teenager, hat and guitar in hand. Neil, who, like an ancient Achaean must have feared any potential angering of Zeus, lord of all supplicants, responded by inviting Nils right in and telling him to play piano, an instrument the kid absolutely nothing about, on a little song he was currently recording entitled Southern Man. By 1985, when Flip came out, they'd made music together, on and off, for well over a decade. And yet there's no Shakey on this record. I guess he was too busy recording Old Ways 6 or whatever.

Young isn't the only great artist who failed to show up and make this record appealing. Nils' Crazy Horse bandmates Billy Tablot and Ralph Molina were apparently too busy doing absolutely nothing at the time to appear on the record. Also missing are Jimi Hendrix, Nick Drake, Jane Austen and Aristophanes. At least they had an excuse: in 1985 they all were dead.

The credits feature other troubling indicators. Someone is credited with doing the make up; someone else served as stylist. That's about as unpunk rock as imaginable. Wikipedia also claims there is software somehow associated with the record but that suggestion is surely some kind of insider Wikijoke.

Finally, someone named Lance Quinn co-produces. He appears to be a prolific disco engineer but the internet also tells me that Lance Quinn serves on the Pastoral Team at Grace Immanuel Bible Church in Jupiter, Florida as the Vice-President of The Expositors Seminary. He has been in continuous vocational ministry for over 35 years, including 25 years as Senior Pastor of two churches in both Arkansas and California. Lance sounds like a great guy! Next time I'm in Jupiter, Florida and have replaced my personality with that of an entirely different person I'll be sure to look him up. It's like I always say: there's nothing better than a pastor who splits his time between three states and produces disco records on the side.

Flip's art and marketing department was totally stuck. Nils was not famous for making hitless records, though he'd made many; nor was he famous as a songwriter or as a singer or as a band leader. Rather, he was famous for just one thing: doing flips on stage while playing guitar next to BRRRUUUUCCCEEE in the E Street Band. Plus, the record's opening track was entitled Flip Ya Flip. There was no choice but to put Nils upside down, mid-flip, on the cover. The move is cool, sure, or at least I guess it is, but one would be hard pressed to claim that music sounds best when it has been recorded while upside down.

Indeed, perhaps the number one reason why I have yet to listen to this record is because it appears to be riding on the coattails of Van Halen's incredibly annoying earworm from the previous year. Those guys clearly had a whole team of Casio players, stylists and make up artists in attendance while they sucked on eggs and bathed in the cash produced by this shite.

Dear Lord Baby Jesus, I hope Nils's record isn't this bad.

Jump inexplicably set the world on fire in 1984; I was nine, however, and was unimpressed. Vin Skully, not Eddie Van Halen, was my hero and my favorite song was probably Surfin' Safari.

But when a stage rose unexpectedly out of the freakin' ground in Tomorrowland as a band performed Jump in spandex with instruments that looked like Magic Alex prototypes...

... nine year old me choked on my Disneyland corn dog and engaged in pre-pubescent mindcontrol techniques I invented on the spot so as to not wet my pants. The whole thing - which, now that I think about it, was surely lip synced - blew my tiny mind.

So, who knows, maybe Flip will do the same thing. One thing is for sure: it's high time I poured myself two, no, make that three, fingers of bargain scotch and dropped the needle.

Okay, the first thirty seconds of the title track actually sound pretty great. Nils' voice is usually pimply and weak. But here he sounds world weary in a wonderful way and the drums bounce along merrily around him. Yes, there are some keyboards answering questions no one ever should have asked and at the end we get into some synthetic YMCAish handclaps and a key change that gives me the momentary willies, but now that my kids are too old to go out there and break their necks on the thing maybe I ought to buy a trampoline for the backyard and do like Nils says and lift my precious dreams so as to hold them high while I flip my flip.

Secrets in the Streets follows and it opens with what may as well be the signature sounds of 1985: a dumb synthesizer building an impossible, Lego-shaped empire of suckiness. But that whole heinous intro disappears and makes way for a perfectly serviceable anthem about dancing in the rain while, once again, living out your precious dreams. So far, Flip seems to be a concept record about living your dreams. Nils's guitar solo, when compared to the one in Jump, is soulful greatness. And when the Lego empire reappears at the end of that solo I still hate it but I hate it less.

This record kinda rocks so far: that's the secret in the street.

And check it out: we even get a vintage video for this track! Nils flips in the street for a strikingly teenage ladyfriend! He's got magic shoes and she's got a varsity jacket! He's like 34 years old at this point and he's still busy meeting the folks and hoping to make to second base without the dad finding out. Nils, you may have boyish good looks, but you are way too old to date teenyboppers.

And then Nils does a whole gymnastic bar routine! This video is so awesome that I'm choking on my corn dog all over again.

The next track is called From the Heart; I fear we may have already heard the good stuff. A bass player shows us his moves and then the Casio gets involved.

Once again Nils announces in this song that he has a dream. That's three songs in a row that focus upon the ancient art of oneirology, or dream interpretation. Maybe Nils was undergoing Freudian analysis when he wrote this record; perhaps he was seeking to put an end to his creepy penchant for adolescent girls.

I hereby announce a drinking game for he rest of this post; feel free to play along. Every time Nils instructs himself or us to live out our dreams we all must drink. In fact I'm gonna start the record over and refill my dwindling cup...

... it's ten minutes later; I'm back to From the Heart and already two out of three sheets to the wind; good thing I didn't buy that trampoline yet. In fact, I'm cancelling - for myself anyway - the drinking game. I've gotta go to work tomorrow. Feel free to go on without me.

The third song: it's less good; my second drink: it was too good.

But Delivery Night is lovely! Nils wants us to know that he needs someone to love; indeed, he needs someone to care. These are some complex lines of verse! He does not have a single dream to speak of here but this song has me swaying and grooving and...

Nevermind and oh, gross! I swear to god the following line is in the second verse: I've wet dreamed of your naked touch. Yuck! Nils Lofgren, I hereby order you and your troubling 7th grade dreams outta this record. We don't want to hear about it!

There are, count them, three dream references in Delivery Night so, if you're still at it, drink up; maybe if you keep it up you'll soon forget we ever heard about Nils' sticky sheets.

King of the Rock ends Side 2. There are no dreams in this song, thankfully. And nothing is wet. Praise god. Rather, the whole thing is about Nils' inability to sleep: it seems he always wakes up dancing. Is that a real medical condition? Nils says it's true and he seems like the kinda guy who probably did medical school on the side in this era so I'm gonna take his word for it and lock up my dancing shoes from this day forth at bedtime.

He also says he is born, born, born and destined to rock. The word alacrity is used; Nils must own a thesaurus. This song is the worst thing so far. I'd almost rather he tell me more about his fetid dreams. At least there's some good guitar happening under the nonsense; the solo once again is pretty great.

Drink up people: Nils works dreams into the working class techno pop blues number Sweet Midnight that opens Side 2 and then proceeds to recommend that the overtaxed laborers among us consider dancing our troubles away. (Side 2 is so obscure that youtube doesn't even have the tracks available so you're just gonna need to take my word on how things sound from here on in.) Is there a Lofgrin song in which he does not consider his dreams and reccommend dancing? Apparently not. He must want you to get really, really drunk.

Once again the guitar manages to save what is otherwise a staggering, flatulent hippo of a track.

New Holes in Old Shoes is a weird detour: no dreams, no dancing, no Casio (unless the Casio produced the song's drum machine). Nils at least takes the time to tell us he was born to love in this song, keeping alive some kinda thematic link. At the end of the track trash can drums join in. The song is kinda awesome. This whole album is kinda awesome. And we got you a whole song-long drinking break. You needed it.

And now break time is over: get chugging because the next song is titled Dreams Die Hard.

For this song Nils invites in some nice electronic piano for a Springsteenish protest track. War, it turns out, is bad for one's dreams. I never knew that until Nils told me so; until now I was convinced that war led to lovely dreams. Thanks Nils!

I don't know why Nils makes what is the record's most pessimistic song so far sound like a suped up version of If You're Happy and You Know It but I trust that my lack of understanding has to do with all the drinking I had to do before I realized what I'd mistakenly signed up for. I think he sang the word dream 7 billion times in this song. Someone better get you a bucket.

Okay, we made it to the last song. I'm really not making things up when I tell you that the second line of Big Tears Fall asks don't dreamers get the blues? He seriously brought up dreams in all but one song (or was it three - you count cuz I'm too lazy; oh never mind, I forgot: you're sloshed) on this entire record.

Here's Nils years and years later, playing the track. He seems like such a great guy. I'll bet he'd weep even bigger tears if he knew how drunk he got you.

I swear to god: I really did write all this in real time and I had no idea you'd have to drink so much. My sincere apologies to everyone out there who is currently running around their house naked, screaming and plastered.

If that's you, please listen carefully: do not, I beg you, go attempt a Lofgren flip on your kids' trampoline. Rather, follow my lead and fill your entire dollar bin with water and get chugging. You'll flip ya flip.

[blkkizzat]

is marketing worth it cuz im a girlie in abm strand abt to graduate soon and lawwdd i dont know what course to take i did NOT plan this far ahead 😭‼️AND HIII IM SO HAPPY TO MAKE U HAPPY I HOPE LIFE IS TREATING U WELL HAVE A GREAT DAY OR NIGHT OR EVENING OR MORNING LOVE YA -🦈

🦈, hey babes. hmm lol it depends! i kinda fell into it, i was actually planning to be a bio major and become a physiatrist or anesthesiologist (which i probably would have done if i realized i had ADHD and dyslexia sooner but didnt know why i was horrible at math not being able to do basic calculations without errors even if i knew and understood the formulas plus couldnt focus lol)

but i took a media class and wanted to be a journalist, then i realized journalism wasnt for me and wanted to do PR, but when i graduated there wasnt alot of PR firms in my city so I had to do advertising/marketing and ive been in there ever since. in hindsight, i wish i was a software engineer. then i wouldnt have to talk to people all day jshskdfjhskdf. i like advertising and marketing because its creative but still apart of business, it does include psychological elements to appeal to your customers (different colors, numbers, etc evoke certain emotional responses). but if you like socializing and are creative but still wanna be in business ad/marketing is a good career. i like socializing but i have a limit as im an introvert so especially earlier in my career i was exhausted everyday afterwork lol.

but theres alot of good perks and companies usually never over hire in marketing so when layoffs come around you are always safe *knock on wood* as unless the company is fr going under for good they are always going to need people strategizing on how to get money through the door.

but unless you truly do love people, work in-house marketing, not an agency. agency life is NOT for the weak on unsocial, you WILL be going out nightly to dinners and happy hours with your clients and have weird ass hours (but i was on set and filmed nationally aired commercials and met a handful of influencers/celebs and had a really awkward encounter with anderson cooper at the this super exclusive gym my company paid for so we could take clients fkjhfkwdjhks).

My advice: take a bit of everything, computer science, media, an actual physical science, history, art, etc and see what you like doing best. I SUCK at numbers due to my dyslexia but I had an amazing accounting teacher in grad school who if I had taken him in undergrad I definitely would have become an accountant, accounting doesnt seem glamorous but is actually really interesting cause you always gonna have the tea on if your company is scamming/embellezelling, etc, khdsjcjksdhckjd. you never know what will interest you so for your general requirements, take everything!

[bathoarchives]

Fikile Malikongwa Discusses Her Debut Short Film And Becoming A Creative

Fikile Malikongwa is a filmmaker, model and creative based in London, She recently released her first short film 'Convictions Of An Empath' which debuted at the Raindance Film Festival. In this conversation, we talk to her about the process of producing her film, being in the creative collective 'WISE', her favourite movies and music and much more.

fikile for WISE, photographed by septemberline

Would you say you knew early on in your childhood that you wanted to be an artist or is it something that you learned later on?

It was definitely an early inclination as a child. I’ve always been naturally curious & constructive and imaginative. That is the heart of who I am as a person . Contrary to what people immediately see, I’m a very guarded and quiet individual and I do tend to get shy. I have never been the best at saying what’s on my mind when one first meets me. When I’m creating, when I write or communicate a visual or even a sonic idea, is when I start to feel my most confident. I just soar.

When and how did you move to London?

I first got to London in 2022 for about 3 months to complete a short directing course. After a very painful waiting period at home,I got the chance to relocate here at the end of September 2023, to complete my BA in film practices.

fikile photographed by frank gorski

How is being a creative in London compared to Botswana?

I would say it is different but the tasks and craft of the game remain the same. The audiences can be wider and it is exciting but you still have to fight to get your foot in the door and be taken seriously. The privilege of Gaborone having a smaller community is the immediate reach of your art. But this is a chapter I’m very grateful for. It really means a lot to me, to be confident enough to share what I’m working on now. I'd just like to relate to people more.

How did you learn filmmaking and writing, did you go to school or are you self-taught?

With the script work, I’ve been writing since I was young. Creative writing was a strength of mine in primary school. Editing clips and making use of overlays or effects for personal projects is also something I’ve always been fond of. I was actually interested in theatre and acting before I realised how much I would really love to produce/direct my own work. Drama is just my first love. After graduating high school is when I familiarised myself with editing softwares, the primary ideas of continuity in scenes and different cuts, insert shots, how tedious grading and sound engineering can be. What writing a script for the camera looks like and how actors need to be spoken to. I learnt that sort of work when I enrolled in a film institution in New York after high school. I’ve enjoyed being a sponge to this kind of world. I’m very new it and I'm just getting started really.

fikile for WISE, photography by septemberline

Around 2021/2022, we were introduced to ‘’WISE STUDIOS’’ a collective you are a part of, what is the story behind it?

“WISE” primarily stands for “With Intelligence, Souls Exceed”. The first shoot that we ever brought to life, with the computer monitors was actually the first time that all of us met and spoken in person. The idea of the collective was really thought of by my homies, whom I love dearly. WISE is essentially a creative agency with the expanse for creative freedom. We wanted to start something cool together and we share the same love for multimedia.

Who or what would say has influenced the way you approach your creative process?

I think a lot of my youthful interests and surroundings have influenced me. All of the non-intellectual artsy stuff. I was a very emotional child and I’m a very emotional young woman. I like nostalgic and romantic and painful palettes of life, wherever they lie. Being a young African female creative, yearning for this idea of a fleeting career in film, it is very scary but these kinds of challenges excite me. I’ve always been ambitious and I’ve never been one to take a break from creating, even when I'm at my lowest. My friends at home inspire me. The music I listen to and the conversations I have with them about our experiences inspire me.

a still from convictions of an empath

You recently released a very captivating short film "Convictions of An Empath", how closely do you relate to such an emotionally grabbing story?

I relate very closely to this first short release. I actually first got to know the word “conviction(s)” in a therapy session about two years ago. I learnt that I often lacked “self-conviction” when I spoke about my own experiences or how I've felt about something that I’ve seen or something that has happened to me. And the word empath has always stuck with me because I’m known to be that very understanding person in other people’s lives. The script was hard to flush out because it is a personal piece, but I wanted to focus on the concepts of forgiveness and how non-linear that can be in intimate relationships. Forgiveness does not look the same to everyone. Sometimes it means nothing, sometimes it means everything. I figured that if I want to debut a first film, it had to mean something to me first.

What was the thinking like behind the whole conceptualization of the film? especially considering that it is a short film, what helped you make a storyline that's not lackluster for a short movie?

This is a great question! I think just the time frame that I was given to tell the story. I needed the script to have a sense of a beginning, some sort of an arc where one character doesn’t remain the same, a sense of conflict and a solid ending that kept people entertained. I wrote the script based on conversations I’ve had in my own past, but also things I’ve never gotten to really say. And I figured if I can combine that with the idea of a flashback then maybe it will be good enough for a short piece. I’ve also learnt to start simple. There are so many things I want to accomplish when filming but keeping it simple and cohesive is what works. There is still so much I want to say and put out! And I had to get some sort of cool shots and editing in there without jarring an audience.

How did you find the actors?

Esmeralda and Gelson are two actors in the acting department at a film school in London. I didn’t really have to source them out, even though one of them works under an acting agency. I spoke to both of them over coffee dates and at parties and so, through conversation I just knew that I had to get them in my first film prior to seeing any of their work. I was lucky enough to do this with no needed budget. We all became really good friends, and they were able to approach the script as realistically as possible, and I was happy about that.

fikile photographed by kwami lee

You’re also a model, how did you get into that?

I started freelance modeling in around 2015/2016. My approaches to modelling really come from photographers and very particular shoots and poses that have inspired me. For reference images on set I always go to Cameron Reed, Conor Cunningham, Renell Medrano and Edwig Henson’s work. I had worked with some really talented photographers in Gabs and fashion brands and then there was this really wonderful shoot that I had with Glotto, and Mboko is just brilliant at whatever she touches, it was when I still had my blonde wig phase and after that I started contacting other photographers that I’d longed to work with on instagram and built a portfolio. To this day I think Septemberline has captured my best work. He’s always been far ahead of his time. Current photographers that I’ve come across in London or even New York would be astounded by his catalogue.

What were some of the challenges you faced when creating the film?

Shooting on location. That park scene was shot in February and it was very cold when we filmed it. It was shot at the top of Primrose Hill park, and my sound designer, Elia Cordaro, had an issue with his lavelier mics; so we had to ADR the whole conversation which is essentially when one re-records the entire dialogue in the studio.

How do you handle creative blocks?

I put the creative project away for a while, and try ground myself in reality. I've learnt to release the guilt that comes with taking my time, if I have enough time. Yoga and meditation help to just destress a lot of the tension I hold in. Immersing myself in what’s actually happening around me, going outside. Watching trash tv. When I feel like I’m getting overly intellectual with something I’m creating it helps to stay away from it. Then the inspiration comes back.

What kind of music do you like listening to and what is your favorite album right now?

I listen to a lot of alternative music, indie, bossa nova, baile funk, jazz and hip hop. I don’t have a favourite album at the moment but my playlists heavily consist of Kaytranada, Ojerime, King Krule, Babyxsosa, Naomi Sharon and Clairo.

What are your favorite movies?

Leon the Professional (1994), Before Sunrise (1995), Love Jones (1997), Passing (2021), C’mon C’mon (2021), and Ladybird (2017)

fikile at the raindance film festival screening

How did you get to debut your film at the Raindance film festival?

I submitted it for the student showcase which is during the very last day of film festival programme, where they screened BA films, MA films and a whole bunch of student films. I received an email one day before the screening that mine was chosen to be in the selected titles category. It was a dream, it still is.

Describe the feeling you had when people were watching your first ever film at the theatre?

You know the feeling you get when you’ve finally grasped that one thing that you know you’re really good at? And it feels like you’re flying and like you could do that for the rest of your life? When you’d discovered a part of your purpose. That’s what it felt like. My younger self is astounded.

What's next for you?

Many things, I can only hope. I have a long way to go but I'm happy to be here. I’m drafting a new script, I’m connecting with more black female filmmakers. Another print shoot is lined up. I’m leaving the rest up to life.