#who cares i have no brain brain is empty
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Other theories I have about the conclusion to the Meursault arc, in no particular order and in varying degrees of conviction and likelihood:
Dazai believes he is not going to make it out of the prison and in fact thinks he is going to die. He says that he will make sure Sigma gets out but doesn't mention himself. Says his goal isn't to escape but to kill Dostoevsky. He's also being weirdly open about his emotions. Mind you, I think it would be odd if he were to actually die in this arc given that it doesn't make a lot of sense to me character-wise but. Idk.
Dostoevsky is not going to die this arc. Look, we still know nothing about him! I feel he's a much bigger threat than Fukuchi and that we're just barely scratching the surface with him. We know nothing about his ability, nothing about the V connection, nothing about what he's been setting up for apparently longer than most of the younger cast have been active. It can't end like this for him. In fact, he's the only one I'm adamant won't be killed in this arc.
Gogol is the true wildcard and may end up as a spanner in the works - he says he wants Dostoevsky dead but when Dazai or Chuuya or both gain the upper hand, he sways events to give Fyodor an advantage while brushing it off with "it's more interesting and entertaining like this". The real reason is that he doesn't actually want him dead at all. At the same time, I wonder if he might find Sigma and try to work with him to get the info he wanted. I seem to recall he wanted information on what Fyodor's ability was. Gogol is on no one's side. Let him be chaotic.
Sigma will manage to extract the information from Fyodor - as he cannot kill ability users with his own ability. Based on that one theory that Crime and Punishment only works on non-ability users, hence why Fyodor tricked Ace into killing himself and shot Catgirl with a gun. I wonder if Sigma, spurred on by a new burst of confidence, will take some initiative, figure it out (he's quite intelligent, actually, so I wouldn't put it past him), and get the information he needs.
Chuuya deflected the bullet shot at Catgirl so that it drew blood but did not kill her. Or Catgirl froze time long enough to make a plan with Chuuya. (*sob* i just don't want her to be dead)
They are able to use the info Sigma got to send it back to the Agency, thus wrapping up the DoA arc. However, Dostoevsky has gotten away, which means the four of them - Dazai, Sigma, Chuuya and Catgirl - need to go on a chaotic manhunt/road trip to find him. Chuuya is driving. He is livid at Dazai and is giving him the silent treatment while turning on the radio in the car with music he knows will annoy him. Dazai is shoved in the backseat between Sigma and Catgirl, pouting. Catgirl is revealed to be a kleptomaniac who keeps stealing stuff from them and all the places they stop at. She's not even supposed to be there she just enjoys the drama and the vibes. And poor Sigma does not want this at all but he has some moments where he and Chuuya get to talk and that's somewhat civil. Maybe they end up recruiting Adam for assistance. This makes no sense. :)
Gogol saves Dostoevsky because he doesn't really want him dead. This sends him into a crisis where he becomes more and more volatile and unpredictable. Terrible road-trip #2 electric boogaloo. Gogol keeps trying to kill him and becomes erratic, poisoning his drink, brandishing a knife, holding him at gunpoint. He tries to strangle him but cannot follow through. Fyodor does not care because for as long as Gogol's attachment exists, Fyodor is in control. Gogol knows that for as long as his attachment exists, he can never be free. I am aware this sounds like a screwed up fanfic premise. I want angst. :)
Dostoevsky put something in place for Chuuya on the off-chance that he managed to escape the brainwashing. There's no real evidence for this other than I think it makes some sense that Fyodor would have an emergency measure in place. Perhaps access to misleading information that might make him question things? Idk. Fyodor plays the long game. I want some real effects on the cast.
Got anything to add? :D
#these are terrible but whatever#who cares i have no brain brain is empty#going to spiral into no-good headspace again tonight i can feel it#i hate that i can feel it coming but can't stop it#sorry tmi#anyways.#bsd#this is not a meta lol this is wish fulfillment#bsd spoilers#bsd dazai#bsd fyodor#bsd chuuya#bsd sigma#bsd catgirl#fyolai#i guess#storyrambles
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Recognizing Early Signs of Mental Illness
#fe3h#dimitri alexandre blaiddyd#thats all it gets tagged as. if you see it then you were meant to see it.#txt post#side note while im in the tags no one looks at#im not too big a fan of the way people call his untreated psychosis as him being feral#its not a ground breaking take with the last 5 years of the game existing but ive only beem into fe3h for a year and its my blog#so I get to talk about it#like yes I understand its because he's likened to a Feral Boar charging ahead with destruction in its path and no brains etc etc#whatever felix said#but the way fans take that and really focus on calling an unhoused man with unresolved childhood ptsd haunting him for life feral?#the way fans take that and call a guy whos psychotic breakdown went untreated for 5 years feral?#REALLY doesnt sit well with me#idk im not the sort to be like “he didnt mean to murder this isnt him 🥺” because he did do that. a lot of that.#But people do things they dont want to do all the time when given the right mental state for it#Do you see people on the streets talking to themselves and shouting at the air and call them feral?#the ones you can smell from 6 feet away? the ones who have a crust on their hands and hair stiff from not having access to a proper shower?#the ones that havent had access to help or medication? Do you call them feral? Do you extend a hand or even look in their direction?#I'm rambling by this point. tldr mental health awareness and be kind to one another#and also to be careful and use your best judgement when helping because I stopped for an older woman asking for help#and she almost stabbed me in an empty parking lot#not my brightest moment
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assorted thoughts 1/when sklonda mentioned getting drinks with sandra lynn now and then I straight up cheered I was so scared for her social life being so overworked 2/straight up have no judgement on the whole ratgrinder situation on account of being a whole grown man. Im not getting into beef with fictional teenagers let them sort that out among themselves 3/sprak levefre
#not art#my oldest daughter with a grown sibling ass going I hope sklonda makes time to chill#she should be at the club. for free. they should pay her to be at the club#honestly its kind of a thing with riz too but thats more like. ok the thing is riz just fr loves mysteries#so tbh its more like if u yknow. love drawing and u draw for fun#and now u also draw for job. like I feel like thats the thing thats going on with riz#dude who playtests as a job and then goes home and plays more games. but with mysteries#but with sklonda it really feels like. its something shes Good at bc shes diligent and careful and has a moral spine#rather than something she actively enjoys. like her job is solidly her Job#so she immediately hits that alarm trigger in my brain seeing moms going about like#!!!⚠️⚠️STOP⚠️⚠️!! DO YOU HAVE A HOBBY ARE YOU CULTIVATING YOUR SOCIAL LIFE#and with her it fucking Got me too bc she just! doesnt seem to have the time to build that for herself#and the fact that she (Like Riz) is Living While Goblin in elmville and the isolation that probably entailed#like the empty nesting down the line would hit her like a baseball bat it would be Brutal#so genuinely knowing that she is casually hanging out with sandra lynn (and probably other parents in the group as well)#thats a whole piece of anxiety off my mind watching this show lmao. moms!#anyways sprak lefevre my beloved. actually I retract my vow of neutrality sprak's party better really like him and treat him right#or else.#he is prrrrrobably an artificer but personally itd be so funny if he isnt. what if hes a bard
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I'm being so serious rn if I ever talk about doing another fringe festival run in the next like 3 years at least send me to fucking therapy. It is a cry for help. This is bad for me.
#im over halfway at least. but fucking christ.#ive barely seen anyone i care about for weeks. im hardly sleeping. im in knee braces and im still in pain.#13 hours a day of people yelling at me. the busiest ive ever seen public transport. eating the most random sporadic shit.#no hobbies. very few friends or family. crying twice a day. i still havent been paid. binding!! binding 7am til midnight!!!! daily!!!!!#my whole body hurts im physically mentally emotionally exhausted im desperately lonely im not doing the things that make me feel fulfilled#when my loved ones are free im either working or passed out in pain and exhaustion#the boss is enabling all sorts of bullshit yet again#im not able to be a person anyone i care about deserves to know#and that makes me not want to know me either#that is at least when i have enough fractions of a spoon left to feel anything at all except upset or numb#i NEED this all to be over#my next free day is my sisters 21st birthday next month my fucking baby sister is turning 21 and i dont know what to get her#i dont have a brain im not being!! a person worth knowing!!!!#my gran fucking fell the other day she's hurt ive not visited her in ages bc of work and finance i want to see my wee gran i want#to buy her ice cream and tell her i love her#i had to clean up an old guy who smashed his face on the pavement today and im just putting That trauma off til at least mid September#my BEST FRIEND gets MARRIED next week#and i can barely think about it because im on empty#im on below empty#they deserve so much better from me#im out. im not doing this again. not like this.
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#maybe i am a little annoyed or. whatever over stuff i put some effort into getting right clicked and saved and cropped and posted on twitter#or pinterest or wherever#even tho its not really '''art'''' technically so ? am i allowed to feel like that? idk#it feels silly to get frustrated over.. screenshots and gifs and little mods i never even published#but things do take time to make and then seeing them posted by someone who talks about how much they like thembut not where they found them#or who put that effort into making them......... ahh#And. because i dont know how im supposed to feel im definitely not gonna roll up to people like 'hey i made this credit me now' because#i tell myself who cares its not that big of a deal. but then it is . but it isnt.#i have bigger problems but when its late and my brains getting empty i think too much about nothing#★
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one of the worst feelings ever is wanting to write but your hands hurt too much or the words just don’t want to work so you just sit there staring at a half finished doc with tears in your eyes bc you want to write and you need to write but everything is telling you that you can’t
#and that you’re a terrible writer and that no one cares aaaaaaand imposter syndrome kicks in and you just feel like crap#bc all your friends have been wriying recejtky so why can’t you??? cause they’re bETTER THAN YOU#lol idk why my head is so bad today#the feelings of inferiority and emptiness and idk worthlessness are strong and i hate it but i can’t stop it#i just wanna write!!! and like what i write!!!#but i Can’t and i haven’t liked anything i’ve written in Months and ugh i hate not being able to d something i wanna do#oh and now i’m crying??? why the frick am i cRYING litetally why is typing this making me Worse#sorry guys needed to rant#the inadequacy was strong today#something something students keep telling me how much they dislike me or how i’m whiny for asking them to be respectful and like#i Know i shouldn’t compare myself to my friends but gosh it’s hard when they’re all like. so much better than me.#and i don’t have a lot of time to be on tumblr bc of work so i just feel like i’m watching everything from afar and it’s no one’s fault but#my brain’s like no one is Doing anything it’s just my brain being dumb and i can’t stand it and I want to stop feeling empty and like i’m#missing a part of myself and like the words i write don’t matter gOD why can’t i just feel happy with where i am and not care what the kids#who hate me say or realize that no one cares that i’m not on much like i’m still Here and trying to interact it’s not like everyone hates me#for being busy or for liking side characters more than the main characters and just—#sorry#that felt good actually#idk what came over me#imma just. imma shower. then maybe delete my tags#sorry if anyone got this far aT ALL grace is either asleep or trying to sleep so i don’t wanna bother them since they slept poorly last nigh#okay done now for real sorry delete tags later sorry if you saw this and how freaking messed up ky freaking brain is
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Oh em gee :,( ari :,( thank you for yapping at me…………. My brain juices started flowing…….. I knew all I needed was some of your ideas…,,, and the little hamsters in my brain started running around again!!!!!!!!!!! Ik u said don’t feel bad for sending asks but…. I feel a little guilty sending another one….. but the brain hamsters started working and I can’t deprive them of spreading their little hamster ideas 😔😔 BUT ALSO??? I NEED TO TALK ABT HOW U REPLIED TO MY PREV ASK. THEM TALKING WHEN UR SLEEPING??? AND MAYBE?? YOU SECRETLY HEARING??? IM GOING INSANEEEEEEE IM LITERALLY DISINTEGRATING AS WE SPEAK :((( satoru wanting to confess bc he doesn’t want u sad over ur ex……… sugu convincing him they shouldn’t rush u…….. :( sobs… they r so special to me. imagine what would happen if u just sat up in the middle of them talking like “🤨🤨I heard all of that btw.” but like. What do you think they’d do if your ex did try getting back together with you? Either that or just trying to get back into contact ……. Just an idea :3 giggles…. N E WAYS I HOPE UR HAVING A WONDERFUL DAY SLASH NIGHT!!! MWUA MWUA TAKE CARE AND DRINK UR WATER !!!! ^_^ — stsg anon 💐 < with bouquet. For u!!! :3
STSG ANON !!!!!! i’m telling you our brains are synced…��� every time ur brain juices flow mine do too……… i’m so happy your little brain hamsters r running around 🐹🐹🐹
okok first of all ….. NEVERRRRR feel guilty for sending me asks 🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫 never ever ever!!!! i love them so much!!!!! even if i’m slow at replying sometimes i promise i read them instantly and they always feed me so good!!!!!!! i should literally be paying you for these that’s how much i love them. if i catch u feeling guilty again there Will be consequences so watch out …. (ominous)…..
BUTTTT ok :3 YES . THE STSG IDEAS. i’m so happy you liked my little brainworms phdkdjj i just!!!! think it’s a tasty concept!!!!!! and PLSSS reader just sitting up and calling them out 😭😭 i KNOW they’d scream . even sugu does a little squeak bc he was so convinced you were asleep…… but goddd i think they’d actually be a little flustered <//3 our babies. once they recover satoru would be so smug tho. bc now you finally know!!! he doesn’t have to wait!!!!! and sugu is obv very happy too….
but… gahhh…… STSG ANON ………. if your ex tried getting back with you………….. ohhhh gosh. they’d be very offended . on your behalf . in a ”can you believe the audacity” way ….. but ofc they’d also be very furious and protective . like. maybe you tell them that your ex texted you wanting to meet up and they’re both INSTANTLY on guard…. ideally you’d block them ofc but if you insist on meeting them just for the sake of closure then they’re immediately convincing you to let them go with you!!!!! for scary dog priviliege . i’ll be honest i don’t think there’s much your ex could do 😭😭 bc stsg WILL be glaring at them. behind you. and if they even try to lovebomb you or blame you in any way they’re . Stopping Them . in one way or another. i think they get very very scary LMAO sugu stops smiling entirely and satoru smiles in a distinctly furious way 😭😭 ..
but ohhhh ……. if . you were the one who wanted to get back with them ….. then i think stsg would feel so helpless :’3 bc like . they can’t control you. they don’t want to. but i also think they’d rather die than have to watch you be with someone so undeserving…… so i feel like That’s when they’d confess. bc they’re so desperate . and let’s be honest who would choose a cheating ex over stsg????? no one <33333 problem solved. they’d be really terrified though…..
MWAHHHH one big kiss for you my lovely little stsg anon <33333 i’m putting the bouquet in a big beautiful vase <33333333 here r some handpicked flowers just for you :33 🌷🪻🌻🌷🪻🌻 i hope you’re taking good care of yourself too!!!! eating and drinking and sleeping lots . it’s what me and stsg want for you!!!!!! thank you as always for the food i hope u know how much i adore you <333
#protective stsg my beloveds#they both go full wolf mode i can’t lie#sugu is exploding your ex w his mind and satoru is. no thoughts head empty only scary smile :))))))#and ohhhh their desperate confession scene…… it’s stuck in my mind now stsg anon T_T it’s all your fault…. sniffle…….#it’d just be the most dramatic most tender thing ever……#reader who is so confused n frustrated…. hissing ”why do you care so much????” as they’re on their way to meet their ex :////#and stsg both just shout . ”because we love you!” at the exact same time phdodjdk I NEED THEMMMMM#also stsg anon not to feed our brain hamsters too much but… this train of thought has me thinking of . reader having trust issues…..#bc of their ex…..#and the way that spills into their relationship w stsg too :’3 bc they’re just!!! traumatized.#and stsg would be soooo understanding#sugu especially ….. toru would be a tiny bit offended i think . not at all in an assholey way he’s just sad that you’d think that of them#i think sugu is more likely to understand that it’s a direct consequence of your experiences + smth they shouldn’t take personally#satoru is very emotionally intelligent too obv i just feel like he’d feel hurt in the moment!!! bc trust is such a big deal to him :((((#anyway i’m stopping myself before i get too carried away LMAO#ily stsg anon <333#ask tag ✩#stsg anon !! ✩
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#GAGGGEDDDDDD#yay omg yay:)#guys i am going to die#oct 27 2024#no cosnlike. in dreams or whatever WHATEVER#sick to my stomach i've literally been hallucinating delusional etc#u don't understand i'm going to die#LIKE FAVORITE PERSON EVER SORRY#the way i cross my sevens and z's and don't leave a space for the smiley face :|#hope she never knows how obsessedddd :)#oct 28 2024#:| idk it's the only thing keeping me going but also i survived six months#oct 29 2024#giggling twirling my hair kicking my heels looking at my phone get a grip...#. no bc my brain#i am having a terrible day but i love her#being delusional works!#i am SO EXCITED lutkkenekenfksnfn i am so excited i've missed her so much#actually soooo sick and twisted the way my irl ummm what do you call... emotional support older white women are actually the best huggers in#the world like it's not my fault#lik i don't i don't i do not i donut even care !#no thoughts head empty#stoppp cos like building it up in my head based on the past etc etc ...... but it always lives up 2 it & more!#oct 30 2024#cointinuing to be insane 🙏#idk there is something so tender ............#waaaah ok waaaaaaaaaaah i cant#just want to go HOME#want to swim in prelude 4ever#girl who is so so tired and just wants it to be 7:30 east
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What is the point of "family" by the way. I don't really get it
#I mean good for everyone who does but#Like even after developing a pretty okay relationship with my mother I kind of don't.....#I don't know how to put this without sounding really abrasive#I /like/ her for sure as like. An entity right. Who takes care of me? And she's Fine overall I guess but I just don't think I'm feeling the#right way about what is supposed to be my 'mother'. Right. Like I think other people are doing that differently and feel a way I'm not#capable of feeling. Like I just don't have the capacity to emotionally understand a familial bond in that context??#I think it's just my dissociative disorder to be honest. I don't really have a childhood or a consecutive life experience of any kind and#I've definitely felt Familial Bond about fictional characters my brain has decided to get into an uncomfortable position relative to on an#emotional level. Iykyk. [Stares off into the middle distance]#But like on a real level I don't really care I guess about a lot of the people around me and I don't understand how to. I had to actively#decide or puzzle out how to 'properly' engage with a lot of things including emotions on a 'human' level.#Like I had to sit there and make the Choice actively to care about people and humanity which I think most people don't have to do#And not in like a 'humanity has disappointed me and I have to get over a misanthropic phase' I mean like. A sort of detached emptiness#overall#Like we definitely had a misanthropic-adjacent phase at some point but#Whatever nobody's going to read this it's a huge wall of rambly text#Little present for anyone who does: 𓃠
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Absolutely out of this fucking world how celebrities get cancelled now for saying ‘I don’t want anyone to die’. Seeing Israelis (really just Israeli Jews, because non Jews are just brainwashed to them) as human beings is the pinnacle of evil online now
I agree, that's literally the most common sense response to seeing a war happening, and yet these so-called "activists" read it as "I 100% support the (((apartheid))) and think all Palestinians should die" even though the message was clearly anti death period.
#i feel like I have more things to say abt it but my brain is empty#also I personally only seen one celebrity get “cancelled” for a take like that#it was Rick Riordan and I've only seen people talk about how he got cancelled and not actually the cancellers#but that was while I was taking a break from reddit so that's probably why 💀#antisemitism#israel#israel palestine#sceasefire now#celebrities#also like who cares what celebrities think#they're famous for stuff like acting and singing not for being world leaders and philosophers#their opinions on things don't affect their performances#unless they take actions that are racist or [anything]phobic or mysoginistic etc#and if they're creators if they create stuff with racist/phobic/etc content which is painted as positive or normal#yk what I mean#I'm rambling#asks
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#when i was a kid I was kinda neglected and my parents didn't like me very much but whatever#in tv there would always be these talent#and they would stare little kids with they parents being THERE and PROUD#so in my kid brain i thought: alright so to better my situation i just need to get really good at something and then they'll care for me#and the only skill i had been complimented on before was drawing#so i started teaching myself drawing#birds because i liked them and plants because i thought my mother loved and later skeletons because i was emo lol#and i think how i am so perfectionist in my art (eventhough i try to be happy with just whatever i make these days)#and i think about that quote of suzanne riveca thats like:#(my art) has to be perfect it has to be irreproachable in every way to make up for it#to make up for the fact that it's me#and about that one tweet that went something lile#sometimes we strive for pervection in our art because we hope to one day create something that doesn't look like we made it#and how i love drawing and hat that knife against my throat that hinges my life on it being good#and how no matter what i do#I can't get rid of that sinking feeling that i always have to struggle and earn my place in someones life#even when i know it's not like that and thats just the mentally ill part of my brain being loud and dumb#Like i got so many issues under controll by now#many reason to be proud! and be positive about things getting better and my own strength#but some part of my brain is still that little girl alone in all the empty rooms#and i can't get her out of there#because the strength that girl needed to make it through is the same strength i need to help myself through the waves of the aftermath#like i feel like to heal i'd need to allow mysf to be weak but that prospect of not holding myself clenxhed like a fist is so scary#and also knowing how bad my brain can be who knowd what would happen lol#and I WISH not every therapist in my city that accepts patients was a weird nutjob#so i could talk to them about it rather than the tumblr tag#but this is the hand we've been given and it's the hand we need to hold or however that goes#a few days ago someone called me charming and that was very nice#tumblr still limiting the tags to 30 😔 how is a girl supppse to therapise herself in that economy????#whatever!!! i am shattering like glass but at least i have viddy games and cool people in my life that like me despite it all and music
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#dont know if i can stay here til tuesday#what am i even trying to prove#is the crying every approx 2 hours just due to fuckin hormones#i want to hear from you more but i shouldnt need to#when will a conversation with my mother not feel like someone is reaching into my chest and squeezing#will i get through an entire night while here without having to have a drink#relapse relapse relapse relapse relapse re#way to make myself feel even more like im 15 again by venting in the tags of an empty tumblr post#i just dont want certain people who have my private twitter to see this#but when i cant talk to anyone who knows and cares about me i can always talk to hundreds of strangers on the internet (and also some#people who do know me hiiiiii if you read this i am okay)#i miss living (a week ago a year ago 5 years ago never)#too much love nothing to do with it#except cry and drink i guess#maybe try and see A Single Star in the suburban london sky#i used to love it here#i miss my old friends but cant talk to them i miss alex and patrick and kris and travis and gargi and alex the most#i dont want to think in my own brain anymore i cant fucking wait til buxton i need to act again get me out of ym fucking head
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My mew oc Mud recently kind of redesigned by @lotusmew thank you I adore hims this is his new look (just credit where credit is due) meeting @phlurrii 's lovely ancient mew Meau
It was pleasantly cool under the treeline but still distinctly warm, the ancient mew roamed in search of berries to nibble upon, modern fruits didn't explode with an array of flavors like they used to having evolved to be mostly just one, but collecting enough and taking quick bites of all of them nearly replicated the same taste.
They glided effortlessly around a large tree with vines beginning to crawl up along the trunk half wondering if they should perhaps pull the vines off if the plant was parasitic in nature..
Meau pondered before their attention was brought to the sudden awareness of a psychic pattern, they stopped suddenly staring upon the, creature in front of them. It could have been some previously unseen psychic Marowak variant were the skull it wore clearly not its own, it smelt of houndoom smoke and dirt as it dropped some psychic held berries in shock at seeing her. She blinked quickly at them confused before their ears went back and a low but deep growl rumbled in the back of the others throat.
Meau quickly felt a snarl growing from her own throat in response to the aggression her own ears going back in response, the others hands bent in claw like emphasis held out in threat and Meaus own paws sharpened ready to strike if necessary. Both parties snarled growling and hissing digits flexing in emphasis, Meaus fur puffed out and the others hackles raised.
They continued to growl, muscles tensing ends of tails flicking in agitation, ready to see who struck first, leaves russeled with patches of light passing through gaps in the treeline as-
"mmmhhyyyaaa"
Meau quietened as her ears flicked upright at the quiet sound, a yawn, a kitten yawn for sure, the others hands relaxed slowly as they too stopped growling. Tiny blue ears popped out from the side of the others body as Meau stared in wonder, a mew kit poked their head out to look blinking large pink eyes at her and making a soft mewing as they crawled around from where they must have been clinging to this others back. A purple muddy paw caught the kitten as they attempted to float forward gently stopping and pulling them back holding the kitten to their chest, a second set of mews began.
Meau leaned her body to the side to look without approaching as the purple other twisted slightly to reach their long arm around their back to scoop and hold a second kitten, darker blue in color with bits of yellow with more curly fur. This one seemed less curious of her burying their face into the fluff on the others chest as they mewed, they leant their head down and chirped making various soothing kitten calls to comfort the youngling, Meau recalled herself making such sound when her own child was born.
The other regarded Meau again before they slowly turned, the berries lifted by psychic energy once more, Meau watched their tail unwrap from around boney protrusions along their spine stretching out into a significantly longer tail and tilted her head as she regarded them again. They didn't notice, looking over their shoulder and gave a warning growl that clearly meant not to follow as they flew away quickly.
Meau blinked after them in pause.
She pondered.
And she followed.
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None mask version cause god dammit I drew a good face I wanna use it
#my art#my oc#Other people's oc#My writing#Oc Mud#@phlurrii Meau#So context Mud doesn't realise Meau is a mew and since he's taking care of his adopted kids immediately goes on the defence#Meau probably can't tell immediately he's a mew because of his mask and odd appearance/probably strange aura vibes#Basically cats dont realise they're meeting another cat and nearly get into fisticuffs over it XD#Mud: *growls for Meau to not follow*. Meau absolutely understanding that social cue: huh wonder who that's for#Meau like Oh? You think I'm not gonna follow for babies?? You think I will simply let you take the babies out of sight?? Absolutely not#Time line wise this is probably like during mews away time so Meau is empty nested#Mud is a single dad trying his best lmao just growls in the face of a god because he's gon protect his mf kids#They weren't originally gonna have beef but brain said wouldn't it be funny tho and lmao I think it's funny#There was an attempt at a background lmao#Those kittens are lmao just velcro strapped to his tail and yes he wraps it around his deformed bone spine to give them a comfortable spot#It's probably very uncomfortable for him#They basically just end up in an aggression loop until baby distraction#Meau upon hearing this other make mew calls and comforting mew kittens: wait a minute#When u thought it was two babies but turns out there's threeeee#Regrettably Mud has mew mommy issues and will likely not accept mothering#AH! HECK! FORGOT THE WHITES ON HER PAWSIES I'M AN IDIOT AND A FOOL!! SORRY
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I have GOT to just hibernate in november
#BALDYGATE AND NOTHING ELSE. I MEAN IT THIS TIME#I'm too... things. too many. I am all thinged out#but my brain is fried I can FEEL myself burning out#I need to recover steam to actually put together the rest of the halloween costume stuff I bought a bunch of tools and materials for :'D#of course the end of november will usher in yet another holiday season of being the only people who care that covid exists#but I should still have most of a month that's blissfully empty#about me
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im so worried about. roan. i know theyre literally my character but im worried
#feeding my dogs thinking about how they feel after breaking away from bhaal#empty furious lonely devastated ecstatic. afraid numb sheer relief. it goes back and forth#going from relieved to be free to enraged at bhaal for everything to desperately wanting to return to him and then hating themself for it#i think they try to find information about their foster parents. some kind of desperate hope that the memory of killing them is just#a result of their brain being excavated by orin#who i think they cared for! in their way! by the time of the absolute plot there's barely anything left that hasn't been honed by bhaal into#an implement of destruction#but orin is family; her blood is diluted but they still share it. roan sees the way she plays with her bodies as selfishness#also that seems to be the way sarevok sees it and that's the vibe i get from the book/letter durge writes her#which is interesting that she kept it#anyway. roan kills her because they have to but even doing that feels familiar to them. some distant thought in the back of their mind#that says they always knew it would end this way. and some part of them berating orin for not killing them#thinking that this is what they meant; if she had just listened even a little bit she couldve been bhaal's chosen#but she chose personal glory and satisfaction over bhaal and that's why she failed#and i wonder just how much durge changes afterwards. how much of their thoughts still revolve around murder#like. habitually. ofc it obviously varies for everyone but
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#WHY DOES IT ALL HAVE TO BE SO MUCH#i don't usually get like this. im usually a kind of person that just lets stuff happen around me and not care a lot in terms of like social#behavior and relationships#you meet people. sometimes they go#that's how it is#there's people that we just drifted away or they vanished and it wasn't hard feelings#and normally i get over it. i miss them alot but it doesnt hit me this hard#and the thing is i haven't even lost anyone#it's just ive been so angry and low energy and pissed off by everything all the time that ive been distancing myself#and even when im not like that.. im just tired. my brain is clouded i just don't have anything to say#i want to say something but there isnt anything#so i havent been talking to a lot of people#and im like really afraid by the time im done working over whatever this is. that people will have found more other people they#prefer to talk to more or are closer with or we just find out its been too long and we dont have anything in common anymore#because i know ive been away from my friends more and more of late of late ive barely talked to anyone at all beyond 1-2 message exchanges#sometimes not at all .this isn't abnormal#but i happen to the kind of person who crumples if i don't get some kind of interaction daily#so as much as im empty-headed and angry and bad at conversation i need to be around people constantly#at the end of the day i don't have anything going on outside of drawing and talking to friends. i have nowhere to be in real life#i cant go anywhere. i don't know anyone and i hate my family#i don't know. im scared and lonely and it feels like i can be kind of a nothing person to talk to#dib noise#some of this is problems with myself which i do work on and i work on them hard. i don't want to be like that#i'm bad at meeting people too. i don't like taking risks or new things its all so much#I SHOULD CLARIFY. i am happy for poeple i am close to when they meet new people. i love hearing about them#and meeting them. i just have a horrible fear of being replaced or forgotten
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