#who are worth nobody's time
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okay, small amendment. If you have to sign off on Any comment that may be positive to chibnall era dw to make it sound like oh Obviously it was all an accident because you don’t want your friends to get angry, you don’t need to sniff grass, you need better friends.
You need Actual friends, to be frank.
#dw shit#this one is meant on the level with no frustration#those people? they're not your friends#look okay as a sci-fi fan friends with people who very much are Not#i can tell you the difference between ppl ribbing you for your tastes#and people not worth being around bc they're judgemental jerks#who are worth nobody's time#and no i do not Care if they're doing it over some kind of moral stance#i could moral stance Your favourite dw era as well#i'm not absolutely divorced from reality so i don't
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finally digging into kashrut and man it's such a beautiful thing
#i genuinely did not get the point until recently#but it's incredible to be able to sanctify and ritualize something else in your daily life#the animals are respected and blessed during slaughter which is something that is so so important#like yeah keeping kosher makes grocery shopping and dinners out complicated but it's such a deep connection to your judaism it's worth that#bringing something sacred to snack time#but bitch i will not lie i am going to miss shrimp fettuccine alfredo like its nobody's business#anyway this is marking a new stage of development in my conversion journey: keeping kosher (to the absolute best of my ability)#also next development is finally observing havdalah#that big ass braided candle scares the shit outta me so ive been hesitant BUT i'm ready for her now#ive got so many extra neshamot piled up that god is gonna start fining me like a pissed off librarian who wants her overdue books back#personal#jewish conversion#jew in progress#jew by choice#jewish convert#judaism#jumblr#kashrut#kosher
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WHAATT ??? SPOOKY MAKING ACTUAL ART AGAIN ??? thiz iz insane
★ version without text + image based on under cut :
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★ song : "Goodbye to This Meaningless Everyday" – Dobu no Awa
#wowza thiz one waz kinda really super mega hard#the background waz a huge pain to make but im actually so proud of how it came out#i felt like i needed to unwind after today . especially cuz tomorrow will be a million timez more stressful . but instead i made thiz ://#ive had thiz song stuck in my head for a few dayz and wowza i needed to make smth based on it – just had to get it out of my system#also i finally drew colin again !!!! featuring some kind of important lore related stuff !!!!#young colin !!!! wow !!!! feast your eyez upon him !!!!#.....#oh who am i even kidding#nobody will care about thiz#nobody botherz with what i make anymore#why should i#itz clear that i have to give up on making mediocre art and instead focuz on getting a good job – i have no worth az a living being anyway#so might az well make myself useful ...#i have no redeeming qualities – everyone i know doezn't care for me and thatz ok#itz fine#i don't mind#some of us need to be the primary pick for natural selection anywayz#dhmis#dhmis art#dhmis au#high voltage au#dhmis colin#colin the computer#dhmis hv colin#bro itz literally midnight i should be sleeping#what am i doing with my life bro – a time such az thiz should be dedicated to studying . not for mucking around#im such a failure child#sigh
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I'm so mad that so far the only good robin!jason content i've ever found is his original run. Everything i've seen since has just been making him out to be the Angry Bad Problem Child and victim blaming him for dying. How is it that the only fucking good characterization of him is 20 issues from the 1980s
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#jaybin#robin jason todd#i love jaybin so much but by god there is no fucking content#ppl are just obsessed w making him out to be Bad and Angry to make him becoming red hood make more sense in their heads#look thats what he was always going to be. that what he was always on the track for. look at how angry and unstable he was#SHUT UPPP#from comics anything told to me abt his time as robin after his death means nothing to me#everyone has a different version of canon in their mind and mine will never include a single bit of info abt jaybin said after his death#i have the most horrible brainrotting ''he would not fucking say that'' abt jaybin. nobody gets him like i dooo#<- said as someone who has been angry and problematic and difficult since a young age bc of trauma and mental illness and shit#AND JASON WASNT EVEN HALF AS BAD AS ME#im gonna go reread his og robin run. my safe space#sorry im being soooo annoying abt jaybin rn i just. i love him#i feel like most people only see jaybin as the precursor to red hood#jaybin is only worth something as the backstory of red hood#which like. its fine to like the red hood version of him most#but i like jaybin :( he's my robin. like if there's a robin in a story i'd want it to be jason#so many fics would be sooo good to me if they did not unnecessarily have jason arguing with bruce abt the no-kill thing while STILL ROBIN??#like what are we doing thereeee#ok sorry im done being annoying and venty and whiny now
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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I think I need to accept I'm having some kind of episode. Not because it makes anything better, but like. Idk I keep feeling bad that I am having Moments but I'm just not getting any better. I can Not Feel It for a good period of time but them something snaps and it just takes me over. I feel like The Calm is the exception to my rule of misery rn.
#ventings#i think my biggest fear is my friends getting tired of how i am right now and that translating into getting tired of me. which ik is more#of an irrational fear than anything but like. i know it cant be nice being an onlooker seeing me get so upset day after day after being fine#im just. i dont know. there are people who i feel like have Gotten me and i dont want them to feel like their words have been nothing but#i really just feel. like im not somebody anybody cares about enough to worry about. not that i want to cause worry but like . idk man#feels like nobody wants to truly look at me. to recognize every part of me to ask if im okay to care when im clearly not even if i dont#wanna say it. its selfish but as much as i want to scream and cry and cause a scene until Anybody cares i just cant#like a built-in lock that keeps me from opening when im even the tiniest bit too much. and sometimes it feels like thats the best#idk. im gonna have to send this to the discord but ig i do wanna thank the patience and care i have been shown#even if it feels like it hasnt done anything it Has im just. always raw brain will always find a new path of painful thoughts#im worried it will never be enough. but idk time will tell and admittedly im Im The Middle Of What May Be An Episode so. yeah#if i dont show it im sorry. but any care has been appreciated and the words do come through even if it doesnt solve things#i hope i can love back enough to make it worth it
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rehyperfixating on a children’s game that came out in 2015, is one of the least popular entries in its series, and has minimal content, the vast majority of which i’ve seen before. the series has been dead for nearly 10 years, nothing has happened recently that would warrant anyone’s returning interest in it, very few of my friends give a shit about this specific game, and those few who played and liked it in the past have no reason to give a shit about it at all right now. i have been coasting through on a playthrough i’ve been doing with a friend who’d never seen the game before and who was kind enough to let me show it to them, but we just beat the game, and after we play the epilogue we will have nothing left to do, and on top of that they really have just been humoring me as they have their own very strong current hyperfixation they would much rather be thinking about. also i am depressed enough right now that literally nothing else except for waiting to play this game with them and playing this game with them and watching them enjoy it at least a little has been able to briefly quiet the constant cacophony in my head screaming how much of a worthless, lazy, constantly-failing miserable excuse for a living person i am and how much better everything would be, especially for myself, if i stopped existing lately. would anyone like to volunteer to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ because i would really like for someone to 🔨💥⚒️Kill Me With Hammers🔨💥⚒️ right now
#me.txt#delete ltr#and i like hearing my friends talk about and show me their interests but it isnt enoughhhh its not enough right now to make my head SHUT UP#right now the only thing that can give me energy is a hyperfixation like this#but with enough content and engagement from others to keep subsisting me without hitting a wall#SOMETHING THAT IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO DO WHEN YOU CANNOT DRAW OR WRITE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#BECAUSE WHEN NOBODY IS MAKING ANYTHING!!!!! AND YOU CANT MAKE ANYTHING FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!!!! ALL YOU CAN DO IS CURL UP AND STARVE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼#immmm so sick of the only thing that makes being alive feel worth it being hyperfixations theres nothing REAL tying me down i cant stand it#because i am!! too broken!!!! to ever achieve any of the things that WOULD give me a real solid tangible reason to keep living!!!!!!#like a stable job!!!! a place of my own!!! a partner whos dedicated to me above everyone else and me to them in return!!!!!!!#a LIFE that isnt just constantly failing over and over and waiting for the shoe to drop and to lose everything all over again!!!!!!!!!!!!#i dont have that!!! and i cant have that!!!!! because im too broken to be able to cultivate and maintain it!!!!!#and the only way. to fix myself enough to be able to do so.#would be to HAVE ENOUGH STABILITY THAT ID HAVE THE TIME AND ENERGY TO PUT INTO FIXING MYSELF AND HEALING#i cant fix myself without stability and freedom. and i cant get stability and freedom unless i’m fixed#so it is. literally impossible!!!!!!!#impossible to create my own concrete solid reason to be here.#impossible for me to even create anything to feed the fixations that are my backup reasons.#theres nothing!! nothing!!! i have nothing new to leap to and ive been dwindling for too long and i think i am about to drown#im just waiting for time to tick out. for me to fuck up too badly to come back from one last time and get found out and punished.#and then? theres nothing left. theres literally nothing else left for me
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actually making my tags from my last post into their own post. writers who struggle with grammar, spelling, typos, errors etc i love you. writers who struggle with rereading their stuff thoroughly no matter how much they try, who don't always have access to other people to help them read i love you. whilst reading through and checking for these things is good practice i really believe that the weight of it should not be put wholly on the writer's shoulders. especially writers who are neurodivergent, disabled, have any condition that can impede their reading + comprehension, are overworked and overtired, are not writing in their native language, list goes on....because grammar mistakes/language mistakes/typos have nothing to do with your abilities as a creative. this is where editors should be uplifting writers, helping them, not scrutinising them for something they cannot always control
#and in case anyone is going to say it...like i said in my tags i get that it can be frustrating#if it feels like a piece has NOT been reread or checked for these things at all#but even then its like...do you know the writers context? their background?#does the story itself still hold up strong creatively?#im just saying some leniency and grace goes far and esp in the short story/litmag scene i think#an editor who is considerate and inclusive should not use those things against a piece's worth#for me its like....1) the word spelling and grammar check is really confusing to work with sometimes#and also just. straight up does not work sometimes#and 2) no matter how much i reread and check for spelling and grammar i will forget a word. i will misuse a word. i will forget things#a bitch is forgetful! a bitch struggles with rereading their pieces and i do what i can to help that#but i need help and grace from the editors who wish to work with me!#i remember one time i wrote vacancy as vanacy in an excerpt in a writing update#literally passed me by and i was so humiliated?? nobody even pointed it out#but i assumed people were going to think of me less that i would make a simple mistake#its just...v hard and daunting being open with your writing sometimes lol lets all be kind to each other
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Mm. Okay. Thought I was kind of over this
#latest from the perch#carrion#just. ugh. I don’t feel like I’m worth really anything and I don’t. get it#why do people spend time on me. it’s a waste#they could be spending time with someone who’s actually smart or strong or funny or kind or handsome or whatever#they deserve something of substance#I don’t understand why anyone would actually want me. maybe they don’t#I don’t know. I can’t sleep though.#I need help. I don’t know how to help myself. I’m just fucked I guess#lord knows nobody wants to deal with me#never have never will. don’t blame them it’s not like it’s anyone else’s problem#I just need to get through it. tough it out#it’s whatever
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Chappel Roan saying she’s sad she’s demisexual and then there’s me being aroace as a whole like don’t you think I’m even more sad 😭
#not saying she’s not allowed to feel sad at all#just makes me think about myself LOL#I hate being aroace it’s like everyone’s part of a secret club I will never be a part of#and that people don’t tend to understand and if they do they never uphold that fact#like I actually have thrown up before from the concept of being in a relationship because it’s horrifying#and disgusting to me in a practical sense#like I don’t want to throw up every time I start thinking about those things I just want to be normal#and not panic like a relationship sounds like even worse than a death sentence#ppl think aroace is cute and problem free but it’s literally so uncomfortable and inconvenient when you’re in a world which a) doesn’t#understand wth aroace is b) doesn’t respect it at all c) has shit povs on what friendship is and how it can be more fulfilling than somethin#and d) how badly it impacts some ;-; like ik it sounds easy but try telling yourself omg I want to have a forever bestie#but then said forever bestie will never end up truly putting you first because they’d have a partner who will be their number one#and as usual you won’t even be second place you will be last like always#because I’ve noticed that the moment ppl get a partner suddenly they become their forever bestie role and then I can’t have that cause it#freaks me out and disgusts me all at once so I’m literally just cursed with forever feeling lonely and not meaning anywhere near as much to#someone who you wish could even look your way the way you do to them …#honestly by the day these reminders make me feel more and more aplatonic but it’ll simultaneously always feel like a hole in my heart#because apparently being aroace is like being some weird person and some freak#and not in the 𝒻𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓀𝓎 type of connotation LMAO I mean just plain freak#and then that loneliness will always accumulate and accumulate and accumulate until I physically cannot handle it anymore or I take matters#into my own hands and just off with her head to myself LMAO#dora daily#and that is why despite aroace being cool to me it’s just not placed in an environement which makes it cool#as those assholes tend to say oh meh meh meh you never struggled girl … we’re in the 21st century every person in the lgbt community is#living the life dating who they want and being with who they want#but allegedly it is but a crime I can’t like anyone and that nobody fucking listens to me when I say I have an attraction deficit#and that they take it upon their hands to define what I’m attracted to or head canon me as whatever they are#I swear I’m not even fucking worth that shit just leave me alone 😭#I promise like if I was with somebody they will regret the day they were born by being with me LOL I am not all that in fact me being aroace#is saving them from torture ☠️ anyways ! rant over :3
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Death Weekend (The House by the Lake, 1976)
"They'll go away."
"They won't go away! Can't you see that? They're not gonna go away. For God's sake, can't you guess what they're gonna do next?"
#death weekend#the house by the lake#1976#video nasty#canadian cinema#horror film#william fruet#brenda vaccaro#don stroud#chuck shamata#richard ayres#kyle edwards#don granbery#ed mcnamara#michael kirby#richard donat#denver mattson#al bernardo#roselle stone#elaine yarish#ivan reitman#slightly superior example of a subgenre that isn't truthfully my bag; rape and revenge films tend to hit me as tasteless and exploitative#(duh) but in a way that's more uncomfortable than it's worth. but.. I'm an idiot who's trying to watch all the video nasties and you better#believe there's a fair few of them on that list. this canadian offering is‚ like i said‚ a superior example: it's decently made‚ scripted#with intelligence and director Fruet approaches the violence with.. if not subtlety then a surprising lightness of touch at times#there's some restraint here‚ with much of the rougher stuff shot in such a way as to obscure or omit the truly objectionable#it's also interesting in how it establishes Shamata's character (who we might reasonably expect to be the heroic action figure in the#second half) as just another misogynistic creep‚ a manipulative womaniser whose creeping and voyeuristic tendencies make him little better#than the psychotic gang who stage a home invasion. truthfully Vaccaro can rely on nobody but herself in the fucked up situation that then#unfolds‚ and her consistent strength and unwavering determination are another fairly refreshing element of a troublesome film type
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An apology passed on by Crinkles partner a while back. Posting bcs im not waiting another year for him to own up to his flock how horrendously he treated people. Redacted certain parts bcs im not entertaining excuses and reasoning as to why it was ok to treat his partner and "dear friend" like trash. The stuff i left in (biphobia etc) doesnt realistically make sense and should have never been taken out on me. Even if it did make sense, being nasty to a "friend" as a 30 year old over an oc is pretty goofy. He made his biphobia MY problem and thats inexcusable. He made all of his issues other peoples problems actually. Thats the entire situation imo. This doesnt cover the extent of how terrible crinkle treated people but i dont expect it will ever get better than this and im not waiting anymore
#crinklytinfoil #The Best Laid Plans of Crewmates and Imposters
#crinklytinfoil#krysmcscience#The Best Laid Plans of Crewmates and Imposters#among us#crinkle was sooo eager to cry to his readers and moan abt how much life sucks etc#while severely underplaying his own behavior that caused this ENTIRE SITUATION!#but when its time to take accountability and let his dear readers know nobody actually lied about him? that he was actually the perpetrator#he suddenly gets REAL QUIET and drags his feet#DRAGGED HIS FEET SINCE JULY 2023#like if he actually cared about not leaving people hurt he would have done something about it sooner sorry#that is a long time and he did NOTHING to actually own up#because getting head pats from readers who dont know how terrible he can be is more important than integrity#just remember that crinkle completely ignored the needs of other neurodivergent ppl in all this while putting his own as a priority#remember that when you bend over backwards to defend someone who acted toxic and abusive#he said im lying when he was the one who was covering that territory eagerly with grima wyrmtongue (krys) whispering into his ear lmao#and at this point crinkle is well aware what type of person krys is LMAO hope all this was worth it for someone like k#enjoy the cat piss smell and general rudeness crinkle <3 such a great best bud /s#at least i got the satisfaction of karmic justice getting them#doesnt fix the fact i was made to DEAL WITH ALL THIS BS
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#I don't want to get attached I don't want to like anyone I can't lose anyone i care about anymore I don't want to lose anyone anymore#i tell myself that if i try to make myself really busy if i try really hard and i talk to more people and meet new people maybe I'll stop#maybe I'll forget it maybe I'll be too busy to feel anything and i work myself to the bone and i barely have time for anything anymore#and still. still.#still in the dead of night i hate myself for feeling like this why won't it go away#logically yeah you can't control how you feel only what you do about it logically ik i shouldn't beat myself up for this#love shouldn't be scary or something like that. my friend tells me i should put my heart out there. but god. god.#i love my friends. and i really really cared deeply about the people i had around me. I've betrayed how i felt before just to. keep them.#i don't want to lose. anyone i care about again. I can't take it. I can't risk it. and so i hope. that nobody i care about. ever likes me.#and i hope that whenever i feel anything that it will go unnoticed and it will pass. please. please. please.#i know unfortunately that i wear my heart on my sleeve but if i never try to figure it out i hope that everyone else turns a blind eye to it#i know it's obvious sometimes. i wish it weren't. hopefully it goes away soon again.#it's not worth it. it wasn't worth it. but I'd rather lose 20 lbs and go through the hospital again than lose someone i love#just because the lines got a little blurry and i cared a little too much#and also bc unfortunately i seem like. a good person to date. i promise i can be a good friend but. it's v different isn't it.#im used to the stress and misfortune i deal with and i try my best to make the bad things going on only entertainment and never a burden#i can maintain space in friendships where that's possible but. it's inevitable to see part of what i have to deal w if u hang around enough#hh. sometimes i feel like im too. unclean. to possibly be able to. have something nice. i want something nice but id just feel bad.#you deserve someone less weathered. someone more untouched by the mishaps in life. someone fresh and clean.#it wasn't something i could control. and it isn't fair. and i wish i were unchanged and untouched but. it is what it is.#白纸就该配白纸。谁又能真的出淤泥而不染呢。我也没法幸免。#im so tired. im so tired. it will pass.#being on the aspec is hard but at least thankfully I don't think i physically can do romance anymore. at least. not as long as. yeah.#anything that puts me back into the context of my ex anyone anything who has any association w my ex. immediately. makes me lose any capabi#it sounds bad and ik it's not healthy but im thankful. im grateful. I can't do it. I can't do it and that's good#delete later#tw sa#tw health
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i'll take a moment to thank, from the bottom of the heart, all the friends and the people i don't even follow for leaving tags on my art. special shoutouts to those who share thoughts about it and compliment my designs. you have no idea how much that means to me
#if you've followed me for a while. i say this frequently. but because i need people to remember#i know people who reblogged my latest art for the poseidon design don't follow me#but some comments i read on it brought me joy. people who say my designs are great. who see things i myself didn't even consider#they get a special thanks. it's stupid. once my internship starts. if it does anyway. if all goes decently. i'll stop having time for mysel#i'll stop having time for art. because i'll have to follow the house and family drama bullshit while also working pretty much#which is something i've never done. working i mean. so i'm scared#but i'm even more scared as stupid as it sounds. that i'll stop being creative. and that i'll stop drawing altogether#it's a thought that has brought me to tears multiple times lately. i know it might not be the case. but i know that life will require me to#step away from art and fully embrace what i studied instead. against my real will but that's details#anyway. i digress. the post is and will stay about being grateful for the people sparing good and kind words on my art#i treasure all of them. january was a burst of inspiration because my head knows i won't be able to be this way and have this time anymore#and it's been shooting me down a lot. but these tags remind me that at least for the time i've been here#for the time i've given art and taking my chances sharing it here. the words prove me it was all worth it#so i'm grateful. to all the people who have supported me and spared nice words. mutuals followers and nonfollowers alike#i don't think people realize how much their words meant to me. so i like to remind people#even if this reaches nobody and even if it's just me talking to myself at 1 am for my timezone anyway
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he does look good on his knees 👀
#me thinking about which young x rush au should i imagine before i fall asleep#also thinking about buying another external hdd#but then i think about is it worth it??#nobody cares about gifmakers and use our work however they like#even other artists#like fic writers who use my gifs to make their work more appealing when posting#like my fav artist who draws my fav couple posting my gifs on their twitter without credit and getting more attention than me here#then i could ever had here posting the rare couple. not posting them much lately. not my fav artist anymore unfollowed bye#one of my fav actors liking repost of my gifs on twitter :) and the thief was over the moon by that fact#ooooh the actor noticed them#cool#and i am not even talking about caos and star trek fandoms#so yeah... maybe i should not buy hdd#maybe i should not be spending so much money on something that is treated like that#might get back to drawing#have not done that for a long time#and then i won't have time for giffing at all and maybe that's for best#you can guess i am pissed off right#cos yet another day when my gifs are reposted somewhere#whatever im going to sleep and i will be thinking about young fucking this lil guy in exact that outfit cos... i can lmao bye
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yeah okay. maybe it is actually all worth it
#the fucking lights in his little eyes.....#i had to crop most of this out bc i don't want my face on the internet but unpictured is him standing horizontally against the chair#and basically laying across my shoulders and kicking his neck back like that#YOU CAN EVEN SEE THE LITTLE SPOTS WHERE HIS TEETH POKE OUT BC THEY'RE TOO BIG FOR HIS DAMN MOUTH#he LOVES to sit and watch movies w me but i don't have a couch and the chair is sort of awkward for him#so to think that one day i will be in my own apartment watching a movie on a comfy couch with this thing crawling all over me....#it'll be hard but if i get to see him like this all the time maybe it'll all be worth it#ive noticed i have a hard time sharing happy things bc im worried people will hold them against me when i become not so happy#so when i have my 30th depressive spiral of the week in like 12 hours nobody is allowed to use this post to invalidate my drama ok#not that i think anyone would but still#just bc i am happy now does not mean i will be happy tomorrow and im trying to learn how to recognize when i feel happy#but it always comes w a little hint of ''people will use this against you''#and for me remembering that i was once very happy and will be happy again does NOT make me feel better#bc who gives a shit if i was once happy and will be again! i feel like shit rn and i WILL AGAIN#anyway. i DONT feel like shit rn but you get the metaphor#edge of sleep. cool movie. my cat rubbed all over me. AND i don't have to work tomorrow#AND i wrote my cover letter today#anyway nite nite
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