#white discharge symptoms

[fidicuswomen]

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Signs and Symptoms of Abnormal White Discharge Treatment Cure Medicine Surgery | Gynaecology Women

"Discover the signs and symptoms of abnormal white discharge in this informative video. Learn to identify what's normal and what might indicate a health concern. We cover common causes, associated symptoms, and when to seek medical advice. Stay informed about your health with this easy-to-understand guide. Watch now to understand your body better and explore the natural, effective solutions offered by homeopathy for managing abnormal white discharge."

Dr. Bharadwaz | Gynaecology Women Female | Health & Fitness | Homeopathy, Medicine & Surgery | Clinical Research

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[stonedopossums]

deja has kennel cough. keeping her and the other pets separate, and it should go away on its own, but she has an appointment in a couple weeks to get some antibiotics, she doesn't feel good and it's making me sad

[marlborocrow]

(not so) fun fact: higher testosterone levels can contribute to more yeast infections!

(note: I get into symptoms for everyone and what to do if you’ve been intimate with someone and if you share toys.)

i had REALLY HIGH t levels during first puberty thanks to PCOS, and thanks to that high level, I had chronic yeast infections.

it calmed down around 17-21 years old, and then at 25 l decided to start low dose testosterone.

l recently upped my dosage (with my doctor) because I want more effects of what it's been giving me, and guess what's happening? I'm getting chronic yeast infections again. I had a second yeast infection recently (unsexy! luckily I don’t get the itchiness most of the time) and once my doctor documents a third, they can start me on meds to manage the chronic condition.

things to look out for with vaginal yeast infections:

itching and/or burning that can get worse with intercourse and/or urinating. this is not always a symptom!

red and swollen vulva. this can be harder to see with melanated skin.

increased vaginal discharge

vaginal discharge that is white, clumpy (think cottage cheese), and odorless (sometimes it can smell like bread (especially like bread dough) because of the yeast)

with penile yeast infections, there’s some similarities:

burning, itching, irritation around the head of your penis and under the foreskin (if you’re intact)

thick white discharge that resembles cottage cheese

foul smelling discharge

if intact: difficulty retracting your foreskin

shiny sores and/or blisters on your penis

everyone and anyone can have yeast infections with zero symptoms.

if someone you’ve been with intimately tells you they’ve had a yeast infection, you need to seek treatment immediately so you don’t pass it to another partner or keep passing it to each other over and over again in a loop.

if you share toys, you need to have an actual antibacterial toy cleaner. your partner(s) should still seek treatment.

you also need to be washing bedding and anywhere your parts have been throughout the yeast infection so you don’t get it again. because it can and will linger on those surfaces and infect you again.

be safe. be vigilant. this has been a psa.

[vintageneptune92]

Burn the Shadow- Chapter 6

This one took me forever. I’m still not 100% happy with it.

Please pardon any errors. I’ll re-read again but I needed to get this chapter posted and out of my WIPs

Thanks for the love ❤️

Gia walked around her brother's quiet Upper East Side Penthouse. While she was proud of his success, this definitely wasn't her style. Everything was white, black and tan. It was so sterile. Her eyes were still sensitive after the concussion. She'd always had photosensitivity, but not to this extent. Sure, she needed sunglasses even when it was overcast and rainy, but indoor lights were typically not a problem. The glare off the shiny white countertop made her flinch. There were only two rooms with any real color in them, Anna's and the room Grayson reserved for Gia. He had it painted a calming blue-green that reminded her of the ocean. He had picked out this deep teal bedding, it was perfect for her, calming and and serene. The rest of the house was in Sienna's taste, even Grayson's office; it was too perfect, almost surgical.

She liked Sienna, but she made Gia's perfectionism seem like child's play. Gia suspected she was dealing with OCD, but Sienna had never confided in her. Gianna's education and training just taught her how to pick up on the symptoms. She wanted to help, but Sienna was very private. The agitation Gia saw when Anna brought any of her toys into the living room and then left them thrown about. Sienna did her best not to let it show, especially to her daughter, but Gia saw her. She saw her both physically and metaphorically. She saw the way she touched Anna's doorknob 5 times any time she put her to bed. Anna could not have a speck of dirt on her without it sending Sienna spiraling. The best thing they had ever done was get a nanny. She was able to mitigate those situations. Everything had to be just so, and if it wasn't, panic consumed Sienna. These were just a few of the things that Gia had witnessed. She was sure there were more she hadn't seen. These more severe ones Grayson either ignored or was just oblivious. It was why Gia didn't want to stay with them. She hated the idea of making things harder for Sienna. Grayson refused to see the faults of the women he loved.

Gia had spent the three weeks mostly in her room, sitting with her legs stretched out infront of her, staring out the window and watching the city so full of life. The world around her was buzzing, but she felt like someone had lowered the dimmer switch on her vitality. She was now just a spectator to life, no longer a participant. Despondency was all she had the energy for. The sound of a flatlining heart monitor was constantly playing in her mind. She had to stop and support her weight against the couch, everything felt too heavy. It had been a blood clot that had ended the life of her very talented and beautiful friend. She had said goodbye to Ali in the hospital. Her parents were taking her back to Maine to bury her. She didn't go out for the funeral, Gia didn't want to take the chance that this guy would follow her there. She didn't want to bring anymore pain to her family.

It had been early in the morning on the day she had been discharged. She had woken up and couldn't fall back to sleep, so she made her way down to the ICU. She wasn't sure what compelled her to go down there. She just had an urge to see her that she couldn't quell. She was gone not long after that.

She had talked to Cragen and Liv shortly before she was discharged. They needed to take her official statement and document her visible injuries now that she was up and moving. They wanted to wait, but they couldn't hold off any longer. She saw the look in Rafael's eyes when he saw the almost black bruises that covered her back and legs. It made her feel weak, which she knew wasn't his fault. Then she had to describe the attack in detail. In her nightmares, she could still feel his hot breath against her cheek when he took her down. She could still feel the utter terror as the spots started clouding her vision.

Grayson had become her protector. Not a single person other than their cleaning lady had been allowed in since Gia had arrived. While they had an unmarked car parked outside of her brother's building, it's not like someone couldn't slip by them. They had no further leads, this man was like a ghost. While she couldn't hide forever, she has been perfectly fine with hiding in her brother's ivory tower for as long as she could. Today was the first day she had been completely alone, it was also the first day it felt like the walls were closing in.

Grayson had been working from home since she got out of the hospital, but he had meetings that he needed to be in person for late into the evening. Sienna worked for a non-profit that fought for women's rights and supported abused and battered women. They raised funds to help abused women get back in their feet. Gia loved her so much for it, she was in the middle of planning a fundraiser and needed to be onsite. After a lot of conversation that she would be okay, she found herself alone for the first time since Ali died. Anna had preschool and then was spending the night at one of her friends houses. Normally she would have just stayed with Gia, but Gia did not have the patience in her current state.

She walked into Anna's room. While she was still allowed to call her Annie, she demanded everyone else call her Anna due to her fierce love of Frozen. Her room had been painted in an ice blue and they had gotten wall clings of Anna and Elsa. She sat down on her bed that was covered with a blue and purple comforter. Gia reached over and grabbed the giant stuffed red panda on her bed and clutched it to her chest and she inhaled the smell of Anna's strawberry shampoo. The innocence of it was comforting. Gia had taken Anna to the Prospect Park Zoo and their favorite exhibit had been the red pandas. Gia had bought this for her as they were leaving. Anna loved it, she usually wouldn't sleep without it. She had left it here for Gia incase she got lonely while she was gone. Her telling Gia that was the first pang of emotion she felt in almost a month, but it was fleeting.

She had gone radio silent since they let her out of the hospital. Her phone had been off since she stepped foot into Grayson's penthouse. She couldn't keep talking about it. She couldn't handle the "how are you doings" that always sounded patronizing, even though that was never the intent. She didn't want to be forced to talk about it.

Cragen had told her she had to take a minimum of 4 weeks off to make sure she fully recovered physically, but she could take as long as she needed. How many more time would she have to emotionally recover from a trauma. Did anyone ever really recover. She would be on desk duty for a while when she went back, which she understood.

She had felt deep shame start crawling up her body as Liv and Cragen and documented every single bruise and mark on her. She gingerly fingered the spot on her head that still burned when she washed her hair. She should have done something different. He shouldn't have been able to take her out the way he did. She couldn't stand to see the look in their eyes or the stares between them when they didn't know what to say. The pity in their eyes stared back at her every time she closed hers.

She knew Rafael was going out of his mind and she missed him. She just wasn't ready for the change between them that was inevitable after what happened. He had talked to Grayson a few times, she just didn't have it in her to see him or hear his voice no matter how much her heart willed her to take the phone. Grayson had reassured him that she was doing okay all things considered and she just needed time to process. Her lack of presence left a hole in his daily routine. He knew she was feeling unbelievable pain and likely survivor guilt. Grayson had encouraged her to call him, but she couldn't. Before this, they had been equals and now she felt less than. She was sure Cragen and Olivia told the rest of the squad to give her time. She was actually shocked that Nick Amaro hadn't tried to beat down Grayson's door.

She put the red panda back on Anna's bed and stood up and made her way down the hall to Grayson and Sienna's bedroom. She examined herself in their mirror, while the bruise around her neck had disappeared, it still haunted her. She walked over to Sienna's closet and opened the door. She had said that Gia could use anything she needed. The sheer organization of it made her feel bad about disturbing it. When she pulled out what she was looking for, she made sure she hadn't disrupted anything else.

She peeked out the window, the Unis hadn't left yet. She had a short window while one set left and the others showed up. She needed out of this apartment and she did not want anyone following her. She went into her room and changed into the black dress quickly and slid on the heels. She grabbed her purse and made sure her phone was still off. She watched the window and as soon as she saw them pull away, she made her way out of the building and onto the street.

___________________________________

Rafael was looking off into the distance and tapping his pen on his desk. It had three weeks without any word from Gia. Grayson told him she was okay, but he knew Gia well enough to know that she didn't want to worry her brother. She was excellent at masking. He had seen it with his own eyes. He was sure that was what she was doing now and he was worried that she would eventually break.

He had seen her almost every day for over a year. If he didn't see her, they spoke or at the very least there was a few texts back and forth. He put his pen down and picked up his phone and scrolled through their texts. So many went unanswered. When he scrolled backward, he couldn't help but smile. She would send him screenshots of case law that could help him. Funny quotes and pictures. Any time she came across a dog she would snap a picture and send it to him. That woman had never come across a dog she didn’t immediately love.

He missed her. He didn't think it was possible to miss someone this much. She had woven herself into the fabric of his life and then he was cut off. He missed the sound of her laugh when he would quip a sardonic joke. Her laugh was quite possibly his favorite sound. He missed the way she would blush when he made a comment that brushed the line that was beyond friendship. He would give anything to see her sitting at his table, furiously chewing on her bottom lip as she worked.

After Grayson left the hospital the night he showed up, Gia asked Rafael if he would stay with her through the night. She didn't want to wake up alone. He saw a fear in her eyes and he couldn't deny her. After she fell asleep, he reclined in the chair next to her bed and dozed off himself. He was jolted awake after 1am when Gia was getting out of bed. When he asked her where she was going, she insisted that she needed to see Alison. He tried to talk her into laying down again, but she was adamant. He knew he was no match for a stubbornness at that level. She at least allowed him to wheel her down. That was the compromise. He didn't know what drove her to do it. It was one of those things that made it impossible not to believe in God.

Ali's parents had gone to a hotel to shower and get some sleep. They had been at the hospital for three days. She had been stable when they left, but he had seen this before. A sick family member holding onto life and then when their family left, the person would let go. It was like they wanted to spare them the pain. In retrospect, Rafael knew Ali wanted Gia with her. He had stood behind her with a hand on her shoulder. She had taken Ali's hand in both of hers and rested her forehead against them for a while. Then she started talking. She told her she forgave her for trying to set her up with Tyler and then laughed at what a catastrophe it was. She told Ali how much she loved her. How sorry she was that she hadn't gotten there sooner. That Ali wasn't her friend, she was her family. Not long after that, she flatlined. They were pushed aside as the medical team tried to revive her. After fifteen minutes, they had to call it. What worried him the most was how quiet Gia was after that. Not a single tear, bineajnjnt no.

They made their way back to Gia'a room a little after 3am. By the time she got into bed, she had completely shut down. Her eyes had been blank. When she didn't shed a single tear, he knew she was in shock. Gia felt emotions strongly. He was hoping that she would fall back to sleep for a while, but he also knew that was unrealistic.

He stayed with her during her statement and examination with Liv and Cragen the next morning. The bruising on her neck was bad enough, but when he saw her back and hips, he felt like a volcano of rage erupt in his body. He would have given anything in that moment to get his hands on the man that did that to her.

When she went back into the bathroom to change, Grayson had walked in. Barba quickly told him about what happened. He watched as the color drained from his face. It was then that he and Barba had exchanged numbers. Grayson knew his sister and he had a feeling that he would be seeing a lot of the ADA.

Rafael ran both of his hands through his hair. They still hadn't found the piece of shit that did this. The SVU team was working the case as best as they could. They were all frustrated. They wanted it too much. They wanted justice for their own. He threw his pen down and stood up. He had to get out of this office. He couldn't focus on anything. He folded up his tie and put it in his bag. He put his suit jacket on and headed out of the building, his other jacket thrown over the crook of his arm.

It was unusually warm for early November. It was the type of day he and Gia would take a long walk to clear their heads. He'd give just about anything for her to be with him right then: To hear her laugh float through the city air or to see the curls that came loose from her bun as they walked. He wanted to go to Grayson's penthouse and sit outside of the door until Gia would come out and talk to him, or he at least could lay eyes on her, but he knew she would just push him further away.

He made his way home and into his building. He rode the elevator up to his floor and when he stepped out, he saw Gia standing outside of his door. At first he was afraid he had imagined her. Her hair and makeup were perfectly done. She was wearing a tight black dress that was shorter than she normally wore and she was wearing her black asymmetrical leather jacket. Her red lips matched the red heels she had on. She looked stunning. As he made his way towards her, upon closer inspection, her face looked much thinner and he could see pain and exhaustion in her eyes, even though she was trying to hide it. He had been right to worry about her, she couldn't have been eating much since he had last seen her for her to lose a visible amount of weight.

She had her back flat to the wall next to his door with her arms crossed in front of her and one leg bent with her foot on the wall. When her eyes met his, she smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. He would give anything for the circumstances to be different. He wanted to grab her by the waist and kiss her, to feel the skin of her neck underneath his mouth. He knew he had to push his wants down deep to take care of what she needed.

"Hey Counselor." Her voice still had a little bit of a gritty tone. If he didn’t know why it sounded like that, it would be sexy.

"It's good to see you Gigi. I've been worried and I've missed you."

"I know, I'm sorry. I just needed some time." He was happy to see the the bruise on her neck was gone and replaced by the necklace he gave her. He was almost afraid to touch her, partly because she looked so fragile but also because he still didn't believe his mind wasn't playing a trick on him. When he kissed her on the cheek, she gripped his upper arms for a moment. He then wrapped her into a hug and pulled her close to him. He could feel the tenseness of her body.

"You don't need to apologize for anything. I'm just happy to see you. C'mon, let's go in." He felt her nod against him. He pulled himself away from her and then he unlocked his door and she followed him in.

"I missed you too." She said quietly. He had a spacious corner apartment. She stood in his living room and looked around. The mahogany coffee table in front of a burgundy couch and cream colored walls. He had a beautiful fireplace. It screamed Rafael Barba.

"Want a drink?" He watched as he was looking around his living room. She had wandered over to the fireplace and picked up a picture of him and his mother and was studying it.

"Make it a double." She looked at him over her shoulder.

She was standing in the same spot when he came back out. He wasn't sure what to say or do. He was trying to get a finger on the pulse of what was going through her head, but it seemed to be an impossible task. He didn't want to do or say anything that would make her want to run.

He came out with both drinks, the bottle of bourbon and a jar of cherries. He was afraid he was going to drop one of them. When she took the drink from him she paused to study it and then looked up at him.

"Did...did you buy maraschino cherries for me?" Her tone didn’t come across as surprised, but more of a tone of wonder. She could tell he added the juice and had put a coupe of extra cherries in it. For some reason, this small gesture meant a lot to her.

"Of course I did. I figured I'd need it if you ever ended up here." He said if, but they both knew it was inevitable. She put her hand on the side of his face and rubbed his cheek with her thumb. He almost protested when she pulled her hand away. As he watched her throw back almost the entire drink which caused his concern for her state of mind to grow.

"I love this apartment. It's got color and character. My brother's house is all modern, white and perfect. It's unsettling." She downed the rest of her drink. She walked over to the coffee table poured a little more cherry juice and then filled the rest of the glass with bourbon.

"Gigi-" he started as she took a long sip of her drink.

"You know, I don't let just anybody call me Gigi." She walked back over to him and was standing close to Rafael. "My brother, my dad, Anna, Nick..." she paused for a moment as she counted the names on her finger. She was looking in his eyes with an intensity he had never seen before. She took a half step closer him so there was barely any space between them and put a finger on his chest before saying "and you."

"Well I'm flattered." It was the only coherent sentence he could form. She took another long sip from her drink and then set it on the mantle of the fireplace."

She took another step towards him to close any remaining space between their bodies. She placed one hand on the back of his neck and the other one on the side of his body. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the feeling of n her touching him. She stroked the shorter hairs on the back of his head. He felt himself groan slightly, trying to push out all of the thoughts of what he really wanted to do. He dropped his head on her shoulder with both arms around her waist with his hands planted on her lower back. Her citrusy perfume invaded his senses and was clouding his judgment so he picked his head back up. She slowly slid the hand on his side up his chest all the way to his neck.

"It's because I trust you." She breathed into his ear and the. Her cheek was pressed against his with her lips dangerously close to his. All he had to do was turn his head just slightly and he could take her lips with his. The idea of the taste of her, cherries and bourbon was alluring. The only thing that stopped him is that he didn't want her grief to overshadow the one thing he knew they both wanted.

"Gigi...Gigi..." he whispered. "We shouldn't do this, you're not yourself right now." He felt her body go ridged for a moment and then pulled away with her hands on his shoulders. She looked wounded. She took a few step back, her heels clicking on his floor.

"Oh..." she took a few more steps back. "I thought this was going somewhere." She pointed her finger back and forth between them. "I'm sorry, I misinterpreted this." She grabbed her purse.

"You didn't-" he protested. "Please, it's just not the right time." She held her hand up to stop him.

"No, it's fine. I'll see you later." He grabbed her by the arm.

"Please don't go." He pleaded. "Stay with me." He begged. She yanked her arm away.

"Stop." Her tone was harsh. "Don't follow me." She added before slamming the door behind her.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. The last thing he wanted to do was reject her. Lord knows that he wanted to kiss her. To feel what her lips felt like against his, to explore her. She was vulnerable and shattered. He didn't want to take advantage of her. He wished he had handled it better.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and tried dialing her number but it went directly to voicemail. He wasn't sure where she was going. He didn't think she would go back to Grayson's apartment. She was on a mission and he was concerned. The way she downed the bourbon she was well on her way to being intoxicated if she wasn't already. He weighed his options for a moment and then made another call.

"Liv, I need your help. I think we have a problem."

____________________________________

Gia slid into a familiar seat at the bar. Sharky's was the place she and Ali came to unwind. Friday nights were always busy. Even though she was surrounded by people so felt utterly alone. She was empty, an empty vessel. She just wanted to feel something. She had wanted him for so long. She knew if anyone was going to trigger her feelings it would be him. She felt everything for him before she lost Ali.

She put her best smile on when the bartender came over to ask for her drink order. She didn't want bourbon, that was their drink. It felt like someone had a grip on her heart and was squeezing out any remaining hope and happiness that was under the veil of numbness. She waited for her double vodka soda, trying to figure out where to go from here.

She pulled her phone out of her bag and turned it on. She watched as an onslaught of text message and phone notifications appeared. She promptly ignored them and went right to her text messages with Ali and re-read her last message. "I'm sorry I lied. I just want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy. I thought if you spent some time alone you'd see how cool he is. Please don't be mad, I love you."

Sharky's was not the type of bar that anyone would expect an NYPD Detective and a Surgical Resident to frequent; and that was absolutely the reason why they loved it. They could let loose. The stickiness of the dance floor from spilled mixed drinks, squeezing past people to get to the bar. Her favorite part was waiting in line for the ladies room. You will never find a more encouraging group of women then college girls who are binge drinking. She never did that in college, she was always so much younger and she was too focused on her degree. She loved seeing them having fun and just living life. They seemed so carefree. She and Ali would come here just to dance. It made her feel free. Would she ever feel free again?

When she was three drinks in, she felt a presence take a seat on her left. When she looked to her side, it was the familiar dark hair and perfectly chiseled face. She wasn't sure if her groan stayed in her head or if it was audible. Either way, she knew her irritation was written all over her face.

"Tyler. What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you too detective. I was going to ask you the same thing." she turned slowly on her stool to look at him. The smirk on his face left her unsettled.

"Enjoying the ambiance." He snickered.

"You're enjoying being around all of these drunk losers?"

"This was mine and Ali's place." She snapped. She saw his expression soften to immediate regret. So at least he wasn't a monster.

"Right. I knew that, I'm sorry." He raised his hand to single the bartender. "I'll have what she's having, and get her another."

"You don't have to pay for my drinks." Gia said flatly.

"I owe you one. I was a jerk on our date. I was a jerk just now. Look, I'm bad at all of this. Medicine? That, that's what I'm good at; people not so much. When Ali orchestrated our dinner, I asked for help. Ali said you liked when men took the lead in your dating life because you're in charge of so much at work. I'm sorry." She had never liked that, she didn't understand where Ali would have gotten that idea. Then it hit her...Rafael. She liked it when Rafael took the lead, but it was different. She only liked him taking the lead because he always just knew what she wanted. He wasn't forceful or demanding, but he understood her. She was terrible at making decisions outside of work. She made so many life or death situations some days, just deciding between restaurants seemed impossible. He would choose a takeout place when they worked late because she could never pick a restaurant, she thought he just got annoyed with asking; but he made a choice of something that he knew she liked. He did it to make things easier for her. If she was struggling, he would help lead her to make a decision because he understood how her brain worked. Rafael Barba knew her and he knew her better than any other person in her life, including Grayson. It wasn't until that very moment she realized it. He knew her coffee order and the Asiago croissants she was obsessed with. He knew her favorite music and how much she loved fashion. She never wore yellow gold jewelry and that she loved big sunglasses. As much as he teased her about her sweet tooth, there was always candy in his office and the kettle cooked salt and vinegar chips she ate regularly. He knew that besides her bourbon and maraschino cherries, she drank Riesling and had an affinity for dry, cheap champagne. He knew she always liked the book better than the movie. She could go on and on with the list of things Rafael Barba knew about her. He wasn't dominant, he just knew her well enough to make decisions he knew she would make for herself. He never made her do something that she didn’t want to do. He just wanted to make things easier for her when and if he could. Gia realized then that she would follow Rafael Barba over a cliff because she knew he always had her best interest at heart.

"It's okay." She conceded quickly as she continued to make a mental list of everything Rafael knew about her. Tyler raised his glass to her.

"To Ali." He said. She hit her plastic cup against his.

"To Ali." Gia echoded.

An hour and a half and four more double vodka sodas later, she and Tyler tumbled out of the bar. Gia was drunk. She couldn't remember the last time she was this drunk. The seven drinks at the bar and the two at Rafael's had been far too much after eating far too little. She also hadn't realized she dropped her jacket until she got outside. The warm weather had disappeared. She was unprepared in her square neck sleeveless dress.

They laughed as they walked down the street. Tyler had his arm around her with his hand firmly on the small of her back. Somewhere in the deep depths of her mind she knew it didn't feel right. It had felt right when it was Rafael. He did it gently and protectively. With Tyler, he had a grip on her so that she would go where he wanted. She pulled away and leaned against the cold brick wall of the nearest building. She needed to put space between them.

"You okay?" He asked. She nodded as he moved closer to her.

"I just need a minute. I should probably get a car home. My brother is probably worried." Her instincts were kicking in and she needed to get away from him, just by the look in his eyes.

"No c'mon, we're finally having so much fun." He was standing too close now and was studying her intently. He pushed her hair behind her ear. She turned her head away to avoid his touch. Again, it didn’t feel right. When Rafael did it, he was so gentle, it was like a habit. From Tyler it felt needy. When she shivered he started running his hands up and down her arms, she tried to struggle away and he pushed her hard back against the wall. She wasn't strong enough to fight him off.

He was so close, she could smell the vodka on his breath, it made her want to vomit. His hands were all over her body. She felt his lips on her as he pinned her arms down. In that moment she knew that she would soon be the same as the victims she fought so hard for every day.

____________________________________

Rafael and Liv were searching Midtown Manhattan for Gia. Grayson was beside himself. She had turned her phone on for just a few moments and TARU had narrowed down her location to midtown.

He ran his hand down his face.

"Liv, where the hell is she?" He said in frustration.

"We will find her." She stopped and looked at him. "Tell me what happened again?" She eyed him, trying to drag the truth out of him. He had been evasive on the details.

"I told you we got into a fight and she stormed out."

"Okay but what did you fight over?" Liv's voice was full of frustration.

"Why does it matter? That's not going to help us find her any faster." He sounded defensive and defeated. Liv stopped and turned to look at him.

"Look Barba, I've heard the two of you had gotten close. I didn't realize how close until you took a personal day to stay with her. Which is admirable, but I know you well enough to know that you don't take personal days. I have to ask, is there something going on between you?" He stopped walking and turned to her. He should have known better than to try to hide anything from Olivia.

"Cards on the table?" He sighed.

"Yeah, cards on the table." She watched him as he decided what to tell her.

"Nothing has happened..."he paused for a moment "yet." He admitted. "We've toed the line. We have these moments where it feels like time has stopped. I have never in my life felt like this for someone. Not even Yelina." Liv watched him intently. "I...She...Gia makes me better, a better lawyer and a better man. She understands me better than anyone." He rubbed his forehead for a moment before continuing. "What the hell she sees in me, I don't know. She is so young and full of life." Olivia put her hand on his shoulder.

"And you are a good man who makes her better. I've seen it." She tentatively continued. "Do you love her?" He let out a laugh.

"I don't know, probably, I certainly could."

"Then do me and the two of you a favor; when you finally figure it out, disclose. I didn't and it almost blew up my career. It was a relationship that could have been amazing."

"Should've, would've, could've." He let out a laugh again. "I'll take that under advisement Liv."

"So what happened?"

"When I got home, the was waiting for me outside of my apartment. Just standing there like nothing had happened. She had this look in her eyes, I'd never seen it before. It was this frantic, wild look. Something wasn't right. She's lost weight. I could see it in her face. I got us each a drink and she downed it pretty quickly and poured herself another. We were standing there and she was so close to me. I stopped it before anything happened. She was hurt and she recoiled. I know I did the right thing, I would NEVER take advantage of her, but I hate being the reason she felt rejected. I just...didn't want anything to happen while she's so grief stricken. She just didn't want to hear it and didn't want me to follow her. That's why I called you. I knew you could reach her. She looks up to you so much. You always know what so say." Liv gave him a knowing smile.

"She's hurting so badly and you seem to be her safe space. You are the only person she has made any attempt at seeing or speaking with since Ali died. Amaro is loosing it because she hasn't even called him. I'm sure when she is thinking clearly she will understand."

"I hope so."

As they made their way around the corner he saw her. Pushed up against a building kissing another man. At first, he felt like someone had stabbed him in his heart; but then, he heard her cry out beg him to stop and then he saw her jerk her face away from him. She was trying to push him off of her. As she was trying to fight against him, he was kissing down her neck. All he could see was red. He and Liv broke out into a run.

"NYPD!" She screamed. "Get off of her." As Liv dragged him away from her, he watched Gia slowly slide down the side of the building he caught her before she fell. She was shaking like a leaf. He took his heavy jacket off and wrapped it around her. He didn't know what happened to hers, but it wasn't likely it would have kept her warm anyway. "I got you." He soothed. Liv had the guy in cuffs and the police that had come down the street to provide backup were leading him to their car.

"It's okay, it's okay. I've got you." He told her. He could see her rapid breaths in the cold air. "You're safe." The word safe triggered her and Gia shoved him away. He stumbled back in surprise.

"Don't!" She cried. "Safe?? I'm Safe?! Rafael, I have never been safe." He just wanted to hold her, but he knew she needed to scream, cry and release everything she had been bottling up. Liv had walked back over. "My brother hated me just for being born. Do you know he tried to drown me in a bath tub when I was not quite a year old. My own brother wanted me dead just for being born. My best friend at 13? Dead because my brother wasn't able to kill me, so he wanted to hurt me in a way I wouldn't recover from. I finally find someone that I could trust and count on and now she's dead. Who is next? Nick?! "You? If it's you, I won't survive that. It should be me. I should be the one that is dead. Not Lizzy, not Ali, me. If I had been there just a little bit sooner, Ali would still be here."

"You can't know that for sure." Rafael tried to reason with her. This was what he was afraid of. She had spent 3 weeks isolating herself and stewing in her grief and guilt.

"Can't I? Don't I?"

"Gia, sweetheart, listen..." Liv started as Gia had hid her face in her hands.

"No...no...I can't, I can't" she sobbed uncovering her face. "I wish...I wish I was dead. Because what I feel inside of me? It is too much. It's too much grief. It's too much pain. I can't sleep. I can't breathel. It's been three weeks and I still can't breathe." Gia was grasping at her throat. Liv had rushed over and wrapped her arms around Gia's body so she was holding her arms down. Gia struggled a little bit against Liv as guttural sobs racked her body. Gia's knees eventually gave out and Liv held her up as she shushed her to soothe her.

"Listen...listen to me Gia. This world is better because you are in it. No, you listen to me." Liv quieted her protests. "Do you know what Rafael said as we were looking for you? That you make him better and I have seen how you have made Nick a better man. We need you, your niece and your brother need you. This world? It needs you."

Liv's voice was in a whisper. He had heard her talk this way while she was emotional. He was glad that he had called her to help him. Just like he had told her, she always knew what to say.

"Gia, I promise you that you will get through this. Rafael and Nick will get you through this. I will get you through this." The last four words were spoken like individual statements. "I am not going to stand by while you destroy yourself over something that is not your fault. Okay?" Liv pulled back so Gia could look at her. She gave an affirmative nod and encourage Gia to do this same. Once she did, Liv wiped the tears off of her face. "Okay." Liv let out a little sigh of relief.

"I can't...I can't go back to Grayson's tonight. I can't let him see me like this." She was frantically shaking her head.

"You don't have to honey, okay? You don't have to. This is what we are going to do. You are going to wait here with Rafael. I am going to go and get my car and the three of us are going to go back to my apartment and we are going to take care of you until you're ready to go back. Yes?" Gia nodded in agreement. "Okay, okay good."

Liv gestured with her head to Rafael to come over so she could go get her car. She carefully transferred Gia from her arms to his. He held her closely to keep her warm. He placed his hand on the back of her head and rested his cheek next to her head.

"I got you Cariño." He said to her in a whisper. She pulled away slightly so she could look at him. The utter devastation on her face was heart wrenching.

"I'm sorry, I am so so sorry." She said to him.

"Shhhh...don't even think about that. It doesn't matter. All that matters is that you are okay." He pulled her back to him and kissed her temple. "I promise you Gigi, I will get you through this. Whatever you need. Just don't shut me out anymore, don't push me away.

"Just...just don't let me go."

"Never." His tone was soothing. Then, they stood there in silence until Liv pulled up with her car.

____________________________________

Rafael stood in his office sipping a cup of coffee willing his brain to focus. He had left Olivia and Cassidy's apartment after 2am and he was tired. Gia had asked him to stay with her until she fell asleep. She had cried most of the night. It was like every ounce of grief was exiting her body. Between the alcohol and the grief that seemingly hit her like a freight train, she couldn't verbalize what she was feeling. All he could do was tell her that she wasn't alone and then make her believe it.

The sound of his phone ringing yanked him from his thoughts. It was Gia. He had left her a note to call him when she woke up. He was worried he wouldn't hear from her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Awful and embarrassed." he could hear her emotions in her voice.

"Awful I can certainly understand, but you have nothing to be embarrassed about." He wished he was with her so be could see her face and reassure her.

"I do. Firstly, how I behaved at your house and then getting so drunk I couldn't push a guy off of me and the nonstop crying from that point through most of the night? Yeah...embarrassed about covers it. I mean he ended up getting arrested because I was too wasted to push him off of me.”

"Let me ask you something, would you blame a victim for being too drunk to fight an attacker off?"

"Of course not, but I know better." He rolled his eyes.

"Do you know who he was?" She was silent for a few moments.

"It was Ali's friend Tyler." He scoffed.

"So he got you drunk and tried to make his move. Unbelievable...he took advantage of you."

"We were talking about Ali. I had the two bourbons at your place and then I was drinking double vodka sodas. He kept buying them and I kept drinking them. I didn't realize how much I drank until it was too late. We were laughing, it was friendly, he apologized for being a jerk. It was fun...until it wasn't." She was silent for a moment. "Raf, I've just been numb. I was empty. All I wanted to do was feel something last night, anything."

"Well, I think you succeeded." He actually elicited a laugh.

"Yeah I was on the mission to feel something good, not every ounce of grief that was hiding in my body." It stirred something in him that he was the first place she went to feel something good.

"Maybe it's better that you did. Repressing that isn't good for you." He was happy they were talking over the phone so she couldn’t see the stupid smile on his damn face after his realization.

"I didn't even want to repress it Raf. I just couldn't feel it. I think I was subconsciously too scared to let that level of pain in."

"I certainly understand that. But please, please, don't ever wish yourself dead. None of what has happened is your fault. You have people that love you and need you. Your brother and niece, the rest of your family, your squad. Amaro definitely needs you to keep him on the straight and narrow...and me. I need you Gigi. I don't know if you've noticed but you have become one of the most important people in my life. I need you. You need to take care of yourself mentally and physically. Please don't shut me out again." He knew it was said the night before, but he wanted to make sure she heard him.

"I promise, I won't."

"How is it at your brothers?" She sighed.

"I hate it. I love my niece but visiting a 4 year old and living with one is different. Add on emotional pain and grief? I'm afraid I'll take it out on her. I hide in my room most of the time."

"Are you out of the woods concussion wise?"

"I am, I saw my doctor a couple of days ago. Cragen said I had to stay out for a full month, so I still have this next week and then I can go back if I'm ready."

"Do you think you're ready"

"I don't know. I guess I'll see how I feel next week."

"When is your apartment going to be finished?"

"It already is. I just haven't been able to face it alone."

"Why don't you stay with me for a few days" He said it before he could over think it. He wanted to give her a place where she could heal, not having to worry about anyone else.

"I can't put you out like that."

"You're not putting me out." He rolled his eyes. "I have a guest room." She was silent, he was about to ask if she was still there when she finally answered.

"Grayson will hate it, but he'll get over it. Yeah, that would be nice."

"Good. I'm at the office taking care of some things, but I can can come pick you up when I'm done. Can I take you somewhere tonight?"

"Sure, that would be nice."

"I'll call you this afternoon."

"Sounds good." She hung up. She had no idea what she was doing. She knew that at least at Rafael's she wouldn't have to hide what she was feeling.

____________________________________

When Liv walked out into the living room, she saw Gia sitting in the chair next to the window. She was starring outside with her legs hanging over the arm of the chair.

"Good Morning." Gia startled slightly.

"Morning." She said with a light voice without looking at her. Olivia hoped she made this easy on them both.

"Gia, can we talk?" Gia nodded, swinging her legs over to stand. She picked up her coffee cup. She went over to make herself another cup and poured one for Liv and they went to sit in the living room.

"Gia, what happened yesterday?"

"Since Ali died, I've been numb. Last night was the first time I've cried since she died. I thought feeling too much was the worst thing to deal with. But feeling absolutely nothing at all? Much worse, by far. I was on a mission yesterday. I needed to do something to kick start some sort of emotion. Once it came flooding in, it was too much, it was overwhelming."

"And your first stop was Barba." It was a statement and not a question.

"He told you?!" She could tell by Liv's face she knew something.

"Well, he told me a little bit, but I didn't give him much choice and I'm sure he left some things out. I, uh, asked him if you two were together and he said no. I didn't realize how close the two of you had gotten until you were in the hospital."

"Liv- I" she put her hand up.

"So what happened after you left Barba's?" Gia took a deep breath and sighed.

"I went to mine and Ali's place, it was where we went for happy hour when we could. I was going to have one drink and head home. Then Tyler showed up. He was...nice. We actually had a really good time. He kept buying drinks and before I knew it I was hammered. I have never put myself in that situation. I just couldn't get him to stop or fight him off. He wasn't as drunk as I was, he was too strong." she closed her eyes for a moment and her face registered disgust. Gia turned her head towards her left shoulder.

"I can still feel his lips on me. If you hadn't gotten there..." her voice trailed off. "Then I saw Barba and it was like every emotion I was blocking out came surging in all at once. It was too overwhelming. It was a pain I have never felt before. My chest physically hurt. In that moment? I wanted to die to just to not feel that anymore. It was just that split second moment. I'm just sorry for having a complete breakdown on you."

"Do not apologize. You were here for me after Lewis. I told you, I am always here for you. It doesn't make you weak for needing someone to lean on. You dealt with more than one trauma recently. You're only human."

"What's going to happen with Tyler?"

"Barba is meeting with him and his lawyer this morning."

"He was drunk too. I don't want to press charges." She didn't want him to lose his medical license.

"How can you ask other survivors to press charges if you won't?"

"It's different..."

"You're right. He sexually assaulted an NYPD Officer. It came down from 1PP that they need to make an example out of him, send a message. And if you think Barba would be willing to drop the charges, you're insane." Gia put her head in her hands.

“You're right. I guess it's just one more thing I don't want to have to deal with."

"Well, I'm confident that Barba is going to do his best to get a plea deal so this never goes to trial."

"I hope so."

"So you and Barba?" Gia's face flushed and was burning hot.

"I told you, he snuck up on me Liv. He is the first man I've ever gotten this close to. Don't get me wrong, I've dated and have had a couple of long term relationships, but nothing like this. I've shown him some of the ugliest parts of me and it pulled him in closer when most would run away."

"Rafael Barba is a good man." Gia hummed in agreement.

"I've never told him this but I could be with him, like really be with him. He challenges me intellectually like no one ever has. He makes me think about things differently."

"He said that you make him a better man. I told you last night but I didn't know if you really heard it."

"He said that?" Gia placed her hand on her heart.

"He did. I can tell you that if you want him, he's yours. Just take it slow, you are navigating through a lot."

"I know, and I will."

____________________________________

Gia was back at Grayson's waiting for Rafael. Liv must have talked to her brother because she was expecting him to make a big deal about leaving yesterday on her own, instead he just hugged her when she got home and said she was glad she was back.

Gia was sitting on her window seat while she waited. There was something about watching the city that was so calming to her. Once she had gotten home, she had taken a hot shower and a long nap. After that, she packed her bags so she could wait for Rafael.

She could sense Rafael's presence without even hearing Grayson let him in. It was like there was something electric in the air when he was near her. She didn't look at him until he spoke.

"Well, Park Avenue Princess is a good look on you." She turned her head and gave him a dirty look. There he stood, arms crossed over his chest in a shark skin suit with a black dress shirt. He had fore gone a tie but had an intricately folded hot pink pocket swear. She knew underneath that jacket were coordinating suspenders. All she wanted to do was stand up and peel his jacket off to see them. Never did she think suspenders would be so attractive.

When he saw the dirty look, he held his hands up in surrender. "Princess is not an insult you know. Are you going to invite me in."

"Have you ever needed an invitation?" He grinned and sat on the side of her bed closest to her:

"So?" She had an expectant look on her face.

"So what?" She let out an exasperated sigh.

"Tyler?!"

"Ah, that. I went in with Sex Abuse 2. We settled on Sex Abuse 3. No time, 6 years probation and he's on the registry."

"You could have gone with forcible touching, no registry."

"Absolutely not. He was all over you! Besides the fact that you're an NYPD Detective. He was lucky I wanted to avoid a trial for you. He was always going on the registry." He couldn't quell his need to protect her. Gia just nodded.

"Well, he's going to lose his job for sure.

"Then he should have thought twice about plying someone who was emotionally distraught and grieving with copious amounts of alcohol to take advantage of them."

"You know what? I don't want to talk about him anymore. I'd rather focus on better things. What are we doing?" He smiled, glad that she considered him better.

"Well, I have symphony tickets or would that bore you to death?"

"No!" Gia protested. "I love it!" He saw some of the light flash in her eyes.

"Good, we can grab dinner after."

"That sounds great." His eyes slowly traveled over her body. She was wearing an off the shoulder black sweater with black pin striped wide leg pants and pointed toed heeled black ankle boots. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and kiss the exposed skin from one shoulder to the other. She wasn't even exposing a lot of skin, but she was so distracting.

"Gigi...how are you feeling? He was afraid to ask, but he had to know. She thought for a moments and then stood and went to sit close to him on the bed.

"Better, lighter. Raf, it was bad. I had so much grief and anger building in me, but I couldn't feel it. I was a ticking time. And then you...you saved me.".

"No, no, it was Liv." Gia rose and was standing in front of Rafael. She intertwined her fingers in his hair.

"No.… Rafael....it was you. You make me feel things" his hands were on her waist, it was like where they belonged and he rested his forehead on her stomach, he didn't want her to stop running her fingers through his hair. "Rafi, you saved me." He slowly stood while taking her hands. Anything he really wanted to say at the moment didn't seem right, so he kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger for a moment.

"We should go before we're late" She nodded. He shook the thoughts out of his head and before she could grab either of her packed bags, Rafael had grabbed them. It stopped him from doing something he didn't want to do in her in her brother's home.

She had to fight against every instinct to tell him she could do it herself because deep down she actually liked the gentlemanly things he did. Her favorite was the way he would offer her his arm and she would slide hers into the crook of his. It didn't make her feel like he thought she was helpless. He did it because he wanted to make her feel cared for. It was sweet and she took any chance she could to be closer to him.

"We can swing by my place and drop them off." He said as they were heading out of her room. Gia looked around the apartment to say goodbye to her brother and her niece, Sienna was working again. She saw a note on the counter. "I didn't want Anna to be upset when you left. I'll call you- Gray" He had never done that before. Gia's hurt registered on her face. She thought he had understood what she needed. It wasn't about him. For once, just once she needed it to be about her.

"What is it?" Rafael came over and then glanced at the note.

"I knew he wasn't happy, but I didn't think he'd dip on me without saying goodbye. Apparently he wasn't so okay with it. He waited to let you in and then left" She picked up the pen and wrote "Te Amo" on it. "Let's go."

Gia was looking out of the car window after they dropped off her bags.

"Campanita, you okay?" When she turned her head to look at him, it was the first time he had called her that and she didn't give him a dirty look.

"Actually, yeah. I am not going to tip toe around Grayson and make myself unhappy to keep him happy. Being there was too much for me and it was too much for Sienna. He refuses to acknowledge Sienna's issues." When he gave her a confused look. "Oh, sorry. I thought I told you. I’m pretty sure Sienna has OCD. Me being there, is a huge stress for her. She would never say it, but I know. Grayson pretends like it's not there. It's a battle I can't take on. So long as she's managing, I stay out of it."

He squeezed her hand as they pulled up to the concert hall. "I'll get your door." He said and hopped out of the car and made his way over. She didn't have it in her heart to ruin it for him. He opened her door and she let him help her out of the back seat. Once he shut the door behind her, he took her hand and led her inside.

After the performance, they were at the bar of the restaurant while they were waiting for their table. He had wanted to make a reservation , but wasn't sure how long the performance would run, so they hadn't wait. Gia didn't seem to mind waiting. He had been surprised when she ordered a glass of champagne, she had laughed and said she was going to probably never drink a vodka soda again.

Rafael had spent the majority of the performance watching Gia. She had been so connected to the performance that she didn't notice his eyes on her. He watched how she closed her eyes during a cello solo. He had never spent time with a woman like her before. She had slid her hand into his and he had spent the whole performance rubbing small circles on the back of her hand.

Now, he was sitting on a stool at the bar and she was standing between his legs, he watched her with interest as she played with the lapels of his suit jacket. She was so close and he had absolutely no plans in pushing her away this time. While he wouldn't have changed pushing her away when she was drunk, her proximity right now seemed different. As he thought about it, she was a person that craved physical contact, even in small forms, but from select sources. It was like she needed physical contact with someone she trusted, someone she knew wouldn't try to hurt her.

"So how did you know?" Her voice startled him out of his thoughts. If she noticed, she didn't comment on it.

"How did I know what?" He smiled at her.

"How much I love the symphony, opera, Broadway, the ballet, all of it."

"I didn't." He admitted. "It's something I enjoy, so I wanted to share it with you.

"Don't lie. My brother told you or Nick?" He laughed.

"Amaro is not my biggest fan. He tolerates me because of you. I swear, no one told me. I had tickets and I thought it might be something we could do that would be relaxing, but would get you out of your brother's apartment.”

"Broadway was why I wanted to live in the city. My mother and father wanted me to stay in Boston, but I love this city. Any time I was here with my Grandmother, we went to a performance of some kind. She knew my deep love of it. My mother refused to encourage it. She tolerated my art, drawing, painting- but the idea of her daughter chasing the performing arts? That would never happen. While they are both cities, Boston and New York are so different. The art, the culture, you can meet someone every single day that you can learn something from. Being in New York had always made me feel less alone. Boston is my mother's. Everyone knows her. But New York City? It's mine. I can be present when I want to be, but disappear too, any time I feel the need. I found myself here. My mother wanted me to be a lawyer like her, but that's not where my heart lies. I don't think she's ever forgiven me for that." From what she had told him about her mother, her confession wasn't surprising. She was quiet for a moment and then added, "I don't know how you do it."

"Do what Cariña?" He furrowed his brow.

"See me, so completely. No one ever really has. I've always been put into this box of "highly intelligent" kid who only cared about success. Whether it was getting top grades, the most competitive job, and so on. Everything else about me, the real things about me that matter. No one really cared to find out." Rafael smiled for a moment and wrapped one of her curls lightly around his finger and then watched it spring back into place.

"Maybe it's just fate that we met then." He mused. "Gia, there is so much more to you than your academic and career success. You are a talented artist. You're witty and sarcastic. You make me laugh every single day, even on the worst ones. You are compassionate and empathetic. The way you care about victims. You wear your emotions proudly, and for a guy who keeps his locked away, it moves me. You make me feel things, especially when I don't want to." She was looking down but he could tell she was smiling. He continued, "I just want you to be okay. You've been through so much this past year. I'm here for you, for whatever you need. I thought getting you out and about would help you."

"Well, you were right." She looked back up at him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that." She threw her head back and laughed. His hand was resting on the small of her back again, like it just belonged there. It was a perfect moment and if they hadn't been surrounded by my strangers.

"Do NOT get used to hearing that."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

[spacevixen2024]

A year ago, after twenty years of suffering and not thinking I was abnormal, after being both medically and personally gas lighted into thinking I was the problem, I received a diagnosis which made everything go from black and white to full blown colour.

A week spent in hospital with tests coming up negative, with medical professionals growing frustratingly impatient with my pain levels and symptoms and then looking at me like I'm putting on act for sympathy.

Then a neurologist in shining armour was assigned to my case, and instantly, he knew the problem, he was that rarity amongst the medical community who saw exactly what he was dealing with!

I was hurt and tired and angry that I might have to yet again give up working as I had for years before due to my physical disability.

Upon discharge I had to rest and while reccouperating I picked this game on the Xbox GamePass called Mass Effect.

It has impacted me and taken my heart. To the point I finished it and craved more so dived into the world of fanfiction and fanart. I met a community and here I am almost a year later still in love despite being late to game.

I fell in love with Shepard, and I fell in love with Kaidan Alenko. Not for his looks or that voice but come on, it is pleasant. But because he has a condition that has disabled and killed others, the man is a badass and that's how I endeavoured to function with my own neurological condition.

I sat down with my manager and we came up with a plan, and my company are amazing at being understanding when sometimes my body and brain aren't always in sync. An employer like that is rare so hold onto them tightly.

I guess the point is, it may be just a game, but the message it carries is amazing. The characters are inspiring.

Thank you Mass Effect and the community for making me believe again!

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

Fluff period comfort with tangerine? Pls Can I request that? I just got mine and it sucks and I hate it, and I feel like some good old comfort from tan would help. thank you:)

hii!! of course, I just got mine and im in agony😭 this might be a little self indulgent, bc I wrote what literally happened to me this morning (well obviously without the hunky tangerine🥲) hope this helps! thank you for requesting, hope you like it💌 *I didn't mark it as mature, tumblr did :/ *

period comfort

tangerine x f reader

wc || 1.1k

warnings || fluff and mentions of blood/ period symptoms

masterlist + rules

taglist

Tangerine had the morning off, so it was quite a pleasant surprise when you rolled over to face the sleeping beauty that is your boyfriend. As much as you wanted to snuggle next to him, there was an uncomfortably wet feel between your thighs, you weren’t sure if it was sweat or discharge, so you quietly slipped yourself out of bed to assess the issue.

Standing upright, you look down at your feet and see a few trails of blood travel down each of your inner legs. “No.” You mutter, staring down at the now small pool of blood. Looking around, you look for something to clean up with, you wanted to make as little mess as possible as you made your way to the bathroom.

“Where’d ya go?” Tangerine softly yawns, patting the absence on your side of the bed. “Why you standing there, you nob?” Lightly laughing as he perches himself on his elbow to look at you better.

“I don’t know what to do.” You mumble, gazing around the room in panic as you continue your search.

“Why? What happened?” He asks, head cocking to the side as if to understand you better. He notices the red-stained trails on the inside of your legs and immediately jolts out of bed. “Why didn’t you wake me up?” He warmly questions, running into the en-suite to collect a damp wash cloth and towel. “How long you been there?” His tone careful and sweet as he drops the towel to the floor.

Replying with a slight frown. “I don’t know, two minutes? I didn’t wanna make any more mess.”

He takes your hands, silently urging you to take a step onto the towel. “Don’t be daft. I don’t care about the mess.” Sweetly looking up at you as he cleans around your ankles, collecting the droplets on the fabric.

“Everything is so clean and organised… usually I have a pile of dirty washing in the corner of my room, and I’ll use that.”

“I know, and it’s disgusting.” He lightly jokes, trying to make you feel more relaxed. “Make your way to the bathroom when you can, I’ll go get a shower sorted, ‘lright?” Sweetly grinning as he holds either side of your face, leaning in to place a couple tender kisses on your lips.

“Okay.” You softly mumble, slowly waddling after him. “Oh, god.”

“What? What? Are you okay?” He questions, his tone speckled with panic as he rushes into the doorway to see you.

“The bed.” You sadly reply, staring at the red patch in the white sheets. “I’m sorry.”

He wafts his hands, ushering you along. “Don’t worry about that, come on.”

“I’m really sorry… they’re so expensive.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I don’t care about that, just come here and we’ll get you cleaned up.” He takes your hand and leads you into the bathroom. “Take as long as you need, I’ll only be next door so just call me if you need me.”

“Thank you.” You sweetly respond, closing the door after him, and stepping into the waterfall shower.

You spent as long as you could in there, allowing the hot water to caress and soothe your sore skin. Everything just seemed to hurt and eventually, the water began to do the same. So you decided to wash as quickly as you could before stepping out. Wrapping yourself in the cosy fluffy towel that Tangerine had been warming on the radiator.

Making your way back into his bedroom, you see a pile of things he had left out for you; his pyjama bottoms, a baggy sweatshirt, and clean underwear with a pad and tampon resting atop. Patting dry, you dress yourself and plop down on the now-stripped kingsize bed. Everything felt like too much when you were on your period, everything just seemed to irritate you, it wouldn’t matter how minor it may be, it would still grate on you. All you wanted to do right now was cry and bury yourself under a mountain of blankets.

“Come on you wally, been waiting for you.” Tangerine’s soft voice interrupts your thoughts as he hangs in the doorway. Cautiously watching you. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” You nod, quickly wiping your eyes.

He warmly chuckles as he makes his way over to you, lacing his hands into yours to help you to your feet. “What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know… I’m just really annoyed.” You meekly laugh, hugging into his side.

“I’m sorry darlin'.” His tone warm and considerate as he gazed over you. “I’ve made it real cosy downstairs for ya, ‘lright? Just put your feet up for a bit, yeah?”

He helps you down the stairs, one step at a time as he leads you into the fairy-light-lit living room. It really was a thought to beholder; your hunky broody boyfriend lighting candles and pinning up twinkly lights. He ushers you to the sofa, setting you down and covering you in your favourite blankets. Tucking the corners under you to keep the warmth inside. “Alright, one min.” He smiles, rushing into the kitchen once he hears the microwave ding.

He returns shortly after with a heat pad, a hot water bottle and a sweet smile. “Here, pop your head forward a bit, love.” Carefully setting the heat pad behind your neck and gently pulling your head back to get you more comfortable. He pulls out a fluffy bunny cover from his hoodie pocket and shoves the hot water bottle inside, then lays it across your abdomen, using your facial expressions as a gauge to get it in the place you needed.

“Thank you.” You smile, nuzzling the side of your head into the sofa.

He grins as he takes a seat beside you. “Don’t have to thank me.”

He softly groans as he leans forward to grab a bag from the floor, placing it on his lap and immediately digging in. “I keep a bag like this for you in case you’re here for, you know, your time of the month.” Flashing you a quick sincere smile as he pulls out a selection of goodies. “I got all kinds of chocolate… let’s see, we got chocolate buttons… some cheap shit white chocolate… sweets— a few packs of them actually. Chocolate pretzels, the lot. Oh and some raspberries in the fridge— I heard they’re good for cramps… and other fruits, just depends what you want.” He gushes, somewhat excited to be able to take care of you. “And some paracetamol. Or if you fancy something salty I got crisps in the cupboard above the kettle.”

Warmly gazing at him with a wide smile plastered across your face. “You’re so sweet, thank you.”

He sheepishly grins as he leans into you, snuggling you. “Always welcome… we can watch a film if ya want? Or we can have a nap, whatever you want.”

“Do you not have work later?” You ask, tilting your head to look at him.

Draping his arm over your shoulder, placing a kiss to your temple. “Nah, I booked next couple days off.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to look after you.”

@tangerinesgf @kpopgirlbtssvt @ch3rries-n-cream @earth-elemental18 @ashlynhasmanyhyperfixations @idontknowwhattohaveasmyuser @thewinterv @navs-bhat @ilovetangerinewithallmyheart @theredvelvetbitch @randomawesomeperson102 @lov3lypeaches7 @princess-pebbles-things

[zyrafowe-sny]

November 12th WIP Wednesday Game Community Answered Asks: Unspecified (12/33)

Links: FTH fic | Shared fic

@wizisbored

He was also pretty sure that no one had actually explained what had happened in the Kingdom last night — Gloreth, Matt wasn't entirely sure he understood what had happened — and he didn't have time to make an attempt himself. The hospital was packed to the gills with people hurt by fires and fallen rubble.

"Look, Sir Sureblade" — Matt guessed the knight would respond better to his title — "I'm just going to turn the TV on for you in case you get bored or want to know what's going on."

@twyrewolf

The TV was already on in Sureblade's room when Matt started his shift the next day. The knight still couldn't communicate all that much, so Matt just left it on. Presumably, someone on night shift would turn it off at some point.

@quietly-sleeping Thanks!

This routine continued even when most patients were discharged, except Matt now had time to occasionally watch with Sureblade. The footage of his accident was…something. Matt glanced over to see how he would react, but his companion was a perpetually (nearly) silent knight.

@hurricanebreeze

His own initial reaction to the analysis of the damage to the City was white-hot anger — just how many innocent people had this knight sent to the hospital? — but he reminded himself of his oaths.

Sureblade had his eyes screwed shut, but Matt chose to interpret that as a concussion symptom and (somewhat passive-aggressively) left the TV on. Maybe the knight would learn something.

[dorianbrightmusic]

16 Wound Care Tips

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a doctor. The most medical advice you’re gonna get in here is ‘you should probably see a doctor if you see xyz’. I can’t definitively say if something’s infected or not, nor tell you about your specific circumstances.

TW for references to self-harm, and for somewhat graphic descriptions of wounds.

1. Your skin has 3 layers. The surface-level one is the epidermis; the white stuff beneath that is the dermis; and the yellowish stuff beneath that is the hypodermis. Any wounds that go deeper than the dermis need urgent medical care. Anything that goes deeper than the hypodermis is an emergency.

2. Deeper wounds are more likely to get infected than shallow ones. Unfortunately, deeper infections are also generally more dangerous than shallow ones. General things to look out for that signal infection are: redness; rash; a sense of heat in the wound; inflammation; red lines radiating from the wound; swelling; blistering; crust around the wound; impaired healing; pain; pus; and other discharge. (Note: a healthily healing wound may also produce some translucent-ish discharge. However, if the discharge is very yellow or very opaque, it’s time to see a doctor.)

2.5. One type of infection of the dermis or hypodermis is called cellulitis, and is a Very Bad Thing. As in medical emergency bad. As in will-spread-very-quickly-and-potentially-become-extremely-dangerous bad. Cellulitis usually looks like a red area (with soft borders), and tends to be painful to touch. Cellulitis can turn up anywhere on your body, but is most common on the legs.

2.75. If you have a fever with ANY of the aforementioned symptoms, go straight to hospital. Fever, in this context, tends to signal infection.

3. It’s better to kill an infection before it starts than to wait for symptoms. Wound care is best when it’s preventative. Wash your wounds - yes, even if they’re small - with water + soap, then use a topical antiseptic, such as povidine-iodine or chlorhexidine (that’s bepanthen). You can either get a dropper and drop it directly onto the wound, or get some gauze and swab it on yourself. Generally, covering this with a bandaid is a good idea, as it’ll stop stuff getting into the wound. If it’s relatively shallow, maybe you can get away with leaving it uncovered, but I’d err on the side of caution.

3.5. Do not put rubbing alcohol directly on your wounds - it’ll irritate the skin. However, if you are currently self-harming and seeking to minimise harm, rubbing alcohol can be used to clean any tools. (Clean before AND after, people!)

4. Some antiseptics and antibiotics are provided as creams or ointments. The difference between these is basically how much water they have in ‘em. Creams have more water, so rub into the skin. Ointments have less water, and sit on the wound instead of being rubbed into it. Don’t attempt to rub the ointment in and spread it thin as a result. You can be generous with ointment. Ointment is great, but will stain your clothes - so, it can help to cover it up with a dressing of some kind.

5. Wound dressings are anything you can put on the wound to stop stuff getting in. Wounds will heal faster if you cover them up - no, taking off the bandaid to ‘air it out’ will not, in fact, accelerate healing. Wound dressing options include (but are not limited to): bandages (good for when you need to apply pressure, which is to say anything deep); plasters (good for convenience); gauze + medical tape (more breathable, though I’m not sure of the benefits here). Change wound dressings at least once a day (unless otherwise instructed).

6. Bandaids and medical tape will leave adhesive on your skin. Wash it off with soap and water - otherwise, the sticky stuff builds up, and if you’ve got skin sensitivities, they might get flared up. If wound dressings are causing you continual flare-ups even when you wash the adhesive off, consider using a wound-prep wipe before dressing the wound (but consult with your doctor if it’s infected - I do not know the protocol here). And, for that matter, consult with your doctor anyway if you’re reacting to wound dressings - you might wanna get that checked out.

7. Your dermis contains some blood vessels, nerve endings, and hair follicles. If you hit a blood vessel, it will bleed a lot. So, if you see considerable bleeding:

If it is bright red and it spurts in time with your pulse, this is probably an artery. GO TO HOSPITAL IF YOU SEE THIS KIND OF BLEEDING. IT IS AN EMERGENCY.

If the bleeding is darker but more constant, you’ve probably hit a vein. If this doesn’t stop bleeding in 10 minutes, go to hospital. Put pressure on it in the meantime.

For the record, veins and arteries are not, in fact, bright red and bright blue like they are in textbooks. You will not know that you’re about to hit one until you do. Nerves are similarly difficult to see, but if an injury hits a nerve, it’ll be painful - either it’ll have an electric quality, a burning sensation, or it’ll sting like buggery.

8. The hypodermis contains: more nerves and blood vessels, as well as subcutaneous fat. Fat looks yellow and, uh, bean-like. If you see fat, it’s time to go to urgent care.

8.5. If you go below the hypodermis, go to A&E. I don’t care if it’s small - NOW.

9. Deep wounds may gape - that’s to say that they look, well, open. These wounds will heal quicker if you try to hold them closed to bring the skin walls together - that’s to say that steri-strips and butterfly bandages are your friend. Bear in mind that gaping wounds tend to be deep, so consider getting the wound looked at by a professional before trying to hold it closed at home.

Generally, after 48 hours, it’s unlikely that you’ll be given stitches, even if the wound was deep enough that it ought to have been stitched (that is: hypodermis or deeper). So, if it looks like it’s gonna need stitches (gaping or deep), go get stitches sooner rather than later. A good doctor or nurse will not judge you for whatever reason you’re seeking help.

10. Some skin areas are more prone to infection than others. (See: moist areas; legs; groin/lower abdomen.)

11. Don’t clean your wounds with tissue, paper towel, or toilet paper, as the materials tend to break up, and can leave a fun residue in the wound. Gauze swatches, cotton buds, and clean towels are your friend here.

12. Don’t put makeup on open wounds.

13. For deep wounds: in my experience with dermatillomania, these don’t tend to look like they fill in layer-by-layer so much as they just shrink/thin out. If it looks like it’s filling in in layers/healing slowly or healing in a way that’s incomplete, it’s time to see your doctor. For shallow wounds: if it darkens/goes yellow as it fills in, rather than scabbing, it’s time to see your doctor.

14. If you’re given a course of oral antibiotics, you need to finish the whole damn pack. Yes, even if you seem to have gotten better. Not finishing your dose, unless you’re specifically medically instructed to, may lead to the infection returning. Do not take that risk.

15. If antibiotics seem to be failing to clear things up, it’s time to see a doctor. Many funky things could be at play, but it’s not something you wanna take a risk on.

16. Check when you last had a tetanus shot. If you’re not sure, or if it’s since expired, get another tetanus shot.

[fidicuswomen]

Call : +917997101303 | WhatsApp : https://wa.me/917997101505 | Website : https://fidicus.com

What happens if you Neglect Vaginitis? Treatment Cure Medicine Surgery | Gynaecology Women Female

Neglecting vaginitis can lead to severe complications, including chronic discomfort, pelvic inflammatory disease, infertility, or increased risk of other infections. In this video, we explore the causes, symptoms, and potential dangers of untreated vaginitis. Learn how timely diagnosis and treatment, including homeopathy, can prevent long-term health issues and restore your well-being. Watch now to understand why you shouldn’t ignore this condition and how to manage it effectively.

Dr. Bharadwaz | Gynaecology Women Female | Health & Fitness | Homeopathy, Medicine & Surgery | Clinical Research

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Speciality Clinic Fidicus Women highest success with homeopathy No Sideeffect | Permanent Result | Personal Care

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi sex witch! I have a question, is a white vaginal discharge after masturbating (no penetration) normal? Or does whatever vaginal discharge that happens just eventually turn white. Theres no itchiness/burning/any other uncomfortable feeling but I think it may resemeble the texture of a yeast infection so Im confused about the lack of discomfort.

hi anon,

all kinds of discharge are normal after masturbation. they mostly come from the Bartholin's gland and the Skene's gland, located near the openings of the vagina and the urethra respectively. both create lubricating fluids when your body experiences physical arousal, which obviously doesn't just disappear when you're finished masturbating.

yeast infection discharge has an extremely distinctive texture, often likened to cottage cheese. if you're experiencing a discharge that has chunks like this

rather than just being thick and sticky, then by all means I'd recommend seeking out a consultation with a healthcare provider. but whitish discharge alone is extremely typical, and isn't cause of concern alone in the absence of any other symptoms.

[mariacallous]

Are you experiencing unexplained memory lapses or brain fog? Ever considered that you may have a parasite in your brain? That apparently was the startling diagnosis received by independent presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy Jr. 14 years ago from one of the top neurologists in the US, according to a 2012 deposition which has recently been reviewed by The New York Times.

At the time, Kennedy was reportedly suffering from a constellation of neurological symptoms, which led concerned friends to believe he might have a brain tumor. Instead, it transpired that he had a parasitic infection. At around the same time, he said in the 2012 deposition and confirmed to the Times, he was also dealing with acute mercury poisoning.

The odds of dealing with both a brain parasite and mercury poisoning at the same time seem vanishingly rare. But just how rare is each condition? (Very.) And how can you avoid a similar fate? (Pretty easily.)

There are approximately two dozen parasites that we know can reach the brain, says Hany Elsheikha, a parasitology expert at the University of Nottingham, although this doesn’t always happen; many parasites are either cleared by the immune system or end up in the gut. They range from common species such as Toxoplasma gondi, which is believed to have infected around 11 percent of the population in the US over the age of six, to single-celled amoeba that can trigger fatal meningitis. It’s unclear exactly what sort of parasite might have lodged in RFK Jr.’s brain.

While parasite infections are more common than one might assume, they tend to settle elsewhere in the body. “Parasites don’t normally infect the brain, because it has a special anatomical structure which keeps it well protected,” Elsheikha says. “But sometimes they have a special affinity to the brain, and that person has a preexisting health condition or something going on in the background which makes them immunocompromised, and so the parasite seizes the opportunity.”

When parasites have the opportunity to reside in the brain or spinal cord, Elsheikha says, they usually take it, because the brain has a high metabolic activity, which means there is a plentiful supply of sugars on which the organism can feast. However, as apparently happened in Kennedy’s case, they can ultimately end up consuming brain tissue. Their presence can manifest in a number of symptoms; T. gondi has even been associated with a number of psychiatric conditions.

“It can take a while for a doctor to pinpoint the cause, because the symptoms aren’t specific,” Elsheikha says. “It can be an extremely debilitating long-term headache, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, forgetfulness, some vomiting and nausea. One of the key signs that a parasite might be involved is if an excess amount of white blood cells called eosinophils show up on a blood test, as they are involved in the immune defense mechanisms against parasites.”

It’s not known how RFK Jr. contracted the parasite; he suggested to The New York Times that he may have picked it up in South Asia. The mercury poisoning, though, seems easier to pinpoint.

According to the US Environmental Protection Agency, almost all of us have at least trace amounts of methylmercury—the form of mercury we tend to encounter most—in our bodies due to its sheer prevalence in the environment. However, most of the time these levels are too low to result in any health problems.

While some of this can come from residing near power plants, as coal combustion releases a range of harmful pollutants including mercury, humans tend to ingest the chemical through consuming fish, says Awadhesh Jha, a toxicologist at the University of Plymouth. “A lot of industries are near the coastline, and most of their contaminants, including mercury, are discharged into the aquatic environment,” he says. “So fish accumulate more of them.”

While there is little information on the number of cases of mercury toxicity in the US each year, studies have shown that excessive mercury exposure can cause neurodevelopmental problems in children and expose adults to a greater risk of cardiovascular disease. In various national surveys across the US, people with an income of less than $20,000 per year, low education, and those who consume fish more than three times a week have been found to have the most mercury exposure.

Risks are highest when consuming larger fish, Jha says, because they accumulate greater concentrations of mercury in their bodies over time through eating smaller species. Because of this, both the EPA and the Food and Drug Administration advise pregnant women to avoid eating shark, swordfish, mackerel, or tilefish, as they may contain higher amounts of mercury, which could have an impact on the brain development of an unborn fetus.

For the rest of us, Jha says he advises a limit of no more than 170 grams per week of fish such as tuna or mackerel—approximately a single can of tuna—and in general no more than 350 grams per week of any fish or shellfish. Exceeding these limits on an occasional basis will likely have little impact, but doing so week-in, week-out will raise your risk of having higher mercury levels in your body.

The issue remains contentious among scientists, as eating a lot of fish also has known health benefits such as increasing intake of omega-3 fatty acids, which are protective against cardiovascular disease.

“Ultimately it depends on the person and how well they metabolize toxic substances,” Jha says. “It’s the genetic makeup of individuals which determines the toxicity of chemicals including mercury.”

Research has previously shown that mercury can affect the body in various ways, which can have an impact on immune function. Common signs of mercury poisoning are joint and muscle pain, weakness, fatigue, insomnia, and excessive sweating.

Anyone suffering from mercury poisoning can be treated through medicines called chelators, which remove mercury from the blood and keep it away from the brain and kidneys, but it’s a time-consuming process that can take weeks or months before symptoms improve.

“It will gradually decompose and then be metabolized and excreted, but it still depends if the mercury is bound by certain proteins and other molecules in the body,” says Jha. “If that’s the case, it might take longer to be eliminated from the body.”

RFK Jr. insists that he’s well past any ill effects from the dual maladies. “I offer to eat 5 more brain worms and still beat President Trump and President Biden in a debate,” the candidate tweeted Wednesday on X. “I feel confident of the result even with a six-worm handicap.”

[burning-fcols]

Adam knew something was up when Lucifer was starting to get painful cramps in addition to higher levels of anxiety. It tapped into locked away memories of Eve having very similar symptoms now and again.  The doctor arrived at the Morningstar estate per Adam's insistence of taking charge of the situation. After going through the tests and receiving a diagnosis, the doctor confirmed Adam's suspicions.  Lucifer had a miscarriage. Adam and Lucifer wanted this baby from the bottom of their hearts, but at that moment, they dropped to the pits of their stomachs.  Keeping the stoic facade in front of both Lucifer and the doctor, Adam only asked an occasional question about the discharge instructions. Walking out with the doctor, his hot white gaze narrowed and threatened to keep this a secret. Should any news report snoop around and threaten Lucifer's privacy on his sensitive, vulnerable state, they would have Adam to deal with. The doctor, having had experience with Lucifer's previous temper, left giving an oath of doctor's confidentiality. Adam, now alone in the hall, as he demanded the servants to not disturb him or his beloved, sighed defeatedly. With his back against the door, he punched the wall behind him in frustration and grief.  Head lowered in exhaustion, hand raked through his hair and down the nape of his neck, Adam's gaze rose to the door who no doubt his weeping Lucifer was on the other side. The large angel, with his black and gold tinged wings folded to his person, straightened up and lifted his hand, opening the door to their quarters. Peeking in, his head poked through and called softly. "Lu? Ducky?" - ✧ ˖ ˙ 「 @meansman 」 ˙ ˖ ✧

「 ☆ 」 Physically, it takes a lot to harm the King of Hell, as Adam can attest from battling him during the attempted extermination of the hotel and its residents. A memory that feels as though it happened several lifetimes ago; even more intangible than the ones Lucifer occasionally slips into when pondering their past life in Eden. Despite the First Man’s best efforts, Lucifer received nary a scratch… In all his years of existing, the devil could count the times he felt genuine bodily pain on one hand. Maybe two if he’s willing to include exhaustion: sparring with his twin was usually more exertion than excruciating.

Needless to say, it takes very specific weaponry or ailments. Even then, their potential impact must be devastating to achieve its purpose. So when he began to experience cramps so INTENSE it made him fight to keep from doubling-over in agony— a battle he would lose despite his best efforts —it struck a chord of primal fear within; confusion and helplessness gnawing at his abdomen where one of most precious creations was meant to be carefully kept. Until it was strong enough to be risked out in the world as an egg. Still woefully weak, but one step closer to the warm and loving embrace of its parents.

Something was wrong... and he had been desperate to keep Adam from knowing. Figuring he could handle the ❛ discomfort ❜ for a while longer. Just until the egg arrived. Then things would be better. They had to be. Needless to say, he failed in his endeavor to keep his growing distress from his husband. Able to tell Adam wasn't convinced by his lackluster acting ( the First Man never has been ) when suffocating unease refused to wane and especially not when cramps were at their worst.

Lucifer had been in no condition to argue with the insistence they bring in a doctor. The Sin of Pride attempted to anyway; an irrational terror internally claiming it would cement whatever fate had in store. A foreboding aura had overtaken the room once the tests were complete, Lucifer barely able to breathe as the heaviness upon his chest settled in what felt like a permanent claim. Yet until the very last second before the diagnosis was out of the doctor's mouth, Lucifer had hoped otherwise.

Silently pleaded. PRAYED.

❛ Please... Please don't take away Adam's baby. ❜

— ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ — ✧ —

Lucifer doesn't hear anything else after the doctor delivers the news. Wide-eyed and still, one would think the devil catatonic if it were not for the unmistakable emotion shimmering in red eyes. Pain, raw and inescapable, brimming his gaze with tears that oddly refuse to fall. Instead they lie as if in wait, burning his eyes and blurring everything in tandem with the rest of his senses. He can barely make out the noises in the room; the doctor's voice distorted... Adam's fares little better, Lucifer faintly aware that he should be paying attention too.

Maybe then he would know why this happened, instead of feeling as though he's tumbling through an abyss. Hurtling through sudden emptiness with no hope of rescue. Despite being there since the time of Creation, even experiencing birth firsthand, Lucifer's technical knowledge of life is overwhelmingly scarce. Most of what he did to care for Charlie in her most vulnerable state was born of instinct. Deeply ingrained within. KNOWING what was important even if he couldn't vocalize why. But this type of tragedy is foreign to him, and he's not even offered the comfort of understanding if he could have prevented it...

All he has is the untrue and unmistakable certainty that he SHOULD have.

Maybe if he had told Adam sooner. Hadn't tried to hide... To deny... Maybe this could have been avoided. He killed their child.

Lucifer can barely feel the blanket in his trembling grip, despite his hold so intense it threatens to tear. Gaze lowered without realization, he stares at fabric as the doctor and Adam quietly leave the room. Sound of a door clicking shut slips through the static in the Sin's mind, Lucifer blinking as if dragged from a dream. Chest heaving with quickened breaths, he frantically looks around ( unsure why ) , panic crashing over in a wave. Filling his lungs, threatening to drown him. For a second, Lucifer wonders if he can wake himself up. Perhaps this is all a nightmare and if he only— claws halt over his arm, sinking into skin with droplets of sickeningly shimmering golden blood in what was going to be a haphazard attempt to WAKE UP. But manic intent to scratch his limb stops thanks to a loud THUD against the wall.

Adam is angry.

As he should be.

Flinching at the abrupt sound, frantic gaze flits to the still-shut door. Hair in disarray, under-eyes darkened from the toll of pregnancy and the recent issues of it, Lucifer is forced to face a difficult truth... So the fallen angel does what comes naturally ( other than punishing himself for his failures ) He hides. Throwing himself down onto the bed, blanket covers his head as the King of Hell curls up like a child hiding from the monster creeping out of their closet. Tears take this as permission to fall, Lucifer choking back sobs with the desperation of one who knows they can't stop.

So... This is how it ends.

Adam will leave him. Even if he doesn't, the resentment will fester. Like it had with Lilith, until they're nothing but a shell of what used to be. A cruel mockery of what once was love, plagued with reminders of what he lost. What he destroyed. He promised Adam happiness. A new life. A partner. A child. Convinced the other to trust him again; to forsake a twice-earned reward of Heaven... and this is how Lucifer repays him. More heartbreak. More proof of his inadequacy. Of how he's not meant to be with the First Man; however they may demand otherwise. Failing where Eve succeeded. Where Lilith could, should she have wanted. Maybe this is further punishment. For daring to try and be content in damnation. For thinking he could be... For letting Adam try to convince him that he deserved to be.

In the throes of grief, it's easy for the reasoning of an angel— ingrained with self-blame and fear of a penance that can never be fully paid —to rear its head.

❝ No... ❞ Weakly muffled against the mattress, eyes are squeezed shut as he brokenly sobs. ❝ No. No no no no no no NO— ❞ A wretched mantra pleading for mercy. As if by begging, he can somehow change things. Like that has ever worked. For their child to come back. For Adam to not despise him. Or at the very least, not be in the room yet. For a moment of solitude before the world he began to build again comes crashing around him. For a chance to breathe. He just wants to breathe... ❝ I'm not ready— I don't want it to end... Please- Please, no... ❞

They had been so happy.

They were going to have a baby.

Adam had loved him and their unborn child so much...

Lucifer is not ready to be unloved again.

He can't lose them both so quickly. 「 ☆ 」

[the-might-v]

Mr.X/ ManHunter X

On the planet Mars lays a species of powerful Martian’s. However, between the long departed rights between the supreme Green race over the White lower 2nd class system and civil war lead to the planets greatest lost at the hands of Darkseid.

Only one Martian escaped X. A criminal of both Green & White decent X had dealt with the difficulties of being welcomed to either side from the Martian race accused of a crime he didn't comment the alien made if way towards the Planet Earth. And came into contact with Mr.X a special agent working for the government upon, accident killed the human with a mix of guilt and fear of this unknown planet the Martian did the unthinkable.

Performing a forbidden mind technique the halfbreed alien absorbed all the dying humans memories and being into his own allowing it to steal the former agents life for itself. Now as Mr.X the Martian has made a life for itself while also upholding conscience and morality for meta-humans such as SuperWoman and greater threats believing Darkseid may come for Earth.

Powers & Abilities

Martian Physiology: The average Martian possesses the potential for the following power set.

Shape-Shifting: Martians have psionic control of their physical for down to the molecular level. This allows them to a form of shape-shifting that allows them to mimic other forms, elongate aspects of their body, increase or decrease their physical size, and so on.

Size Alteration: As an extension of their shape-shifting abilities, Martians can easily alter their size, shrinking or growing to gigantic size.

Invisibility: Martians can cause the biopolymers in their bodies to lose their ability to reflect light, making the Martians invisible to normal light and human sight.

Phasing: Martians can go through solid matter.

Superhuman Strength: Martians possess vast levels of superhuman strength and are among the few races that are able to match SuperWoman in terms of raw strength. Martians can easily shatter reinforced concrete and steel, lift and carry hundreds of tons with ease and deliver incredible damage with their blows.

Superhuman Stamina

Superhuman Durability

Superhuman Speed

Superhuman Agility

Superhuman Reflexes

Regeneration: Martians have powerful regenerative powers that enable them to regenerate their entire body from a severed limb, they can further enhance their regenerative powers by drawing mass from nearby sources.

Telepathy: Martians have the ability to read the minds of others and project their thoughts to varying degrees. They can also project their mental essences into a gestalt community known as the "Great Mind". Through this, the community can enhance the telepathic strength of other Martians. This power can also enable them to reverse the effects of amnesia or psychological brainwashing.

Longevity

Flight

Telekinesis:Martians have mind-over-matter abilities and can lift and move objects with their minds. They can also employ their telekinesis in an offensive way by discharging telekinetic blasts capable of great concussive power

Weaknesses

Vulnerability to Fire: Martians are much more vulnerable to fire than the average Earth human. At times this has been portrayed as physical, psychological, or a combination of the two. The effect of this is to strip any Martian of their powers as they involuntarily lose control of their body. X has stated that his reaction is relative to the flame, a birthday cake will make him tense but won't make him wilt.

Chocolate: While on Earth, X has found a great love for the human treat of chocolate due to his physiology making him addicted to the chemicals used in the Earth snack, Chocos. Withdrawal symptoms include violent bursts of rage and loss of intellect. However, this addiction is treatable due to Mr.X's love for Kombucha the fermented drink has a canceling effect on the chocolate though it will leave X with discomforts until his strength is regained

[tieflingkisser]

Columbia University Apartheid Divest coalition statement on chemical skunk attack

On January 19, a protest against the Israeli genocide in Gaza was attacked by counter-protesters using the chemical agent, known as "Skunk." The university bears full responsibility for all violence against the pro-Palestine movement on campus.

On Friday, January 19th, 2024, at 1 p.m., the Columbia University Apartheid Divest coalition (CUAD) held an emergency protest outside of Low Library against U.S. attacks on Yemen and the ongoing Israeli genocide in Gaza, which has killed over 25,000 Palestinians. A group of counter-protestors, some of whom were affiliates of the Israeli Occupation Forces (IOF), gathered in opposition, verbally harassing and provoking the students. Both internal security from CUAD and Columbia Public Safety officers, including John Murillo, the Director of Public Safety, were present. However, Public Safety turned their backs to the counter-protestors and faced the CUAD protest, a clear indication of who they intended to keep “safe.” Around 1:30 p.m., an IOF-associated counter-protester attacked a Palestinian student and issued a death threat. Instead of responding to this serious attack, which they witnessed, public safety officials surrounded and initiated a physical altercation with the Palestinian student, accused him falsely of pushing them, and allowed the assailant to disappear. Around 2:00 p.m., two students sprayed an odorous chemical at CUAD protestors. When the protest ended around 3:00 p.m., the smell remained strong and was clearly noticeable on protest signs, students’ hair, clothing, backpacks, and jackets. Following student and community attempts to find the deployers of the chemical agent, known as “Skunk,” we identified them as two former IOF Officers who are current Columbia School of General Studies (GS) students. While these two students seriously endangered the campus community, they are but two members of a larger imperial project. Their actions are a result of Columbia’s complicity in the ongoing genocide in Gaza and refusal to protect its Palestinian and Palestine-supporting students.  Since Friday, students impacted by the Skunk spray have reported abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, and excessive coughing, with four students ending up in the emergency room. Over the past 24 hours, at least nine impacted students have been sent to the hospital for electrocardiograms (EKGs), chest X-rays, and respiratory and digestive system stabilization. Their medical reports upon discharge all state “exposure to chemical agent.” Despite these frightening physical symptoms, we are extremely grateful and privileged to have access to healthcare when those in Gaza do not. The Israeli blockade restricts medical care Gazans are entitled to receive under international law, and since October 7, the Israeli occupation has bombed all thirty-six hospitals in Gaza. This has forced doctors to perform C-sections and amputations without basic anesthesia. We must highlight that Israel attacks the people of Gaza daily with bombs, white phosphorus, and bullets. In the West Bank, the IOF deploys Skunk spray not only against individuals protesting but against entire Palestinian homes as a method of collective punishment. We cannot pull our eyes from the genocide in Gaza and Israel’s settler-colonial regime. 

[postmoderntongues]

Imagine a mentally ill person falling through on a commitment and instead of asking whats taking so long you start a decade-long hate parade where you commit literal sex crimes giving away a sex workers paid content, make fun of a rape/saying the victim deserved it, making accusations of stealing off baby graves just to rile yourselves up, and then spend 50 pages calling a girl with an ED fat and making fun of her weight/body/textbook BPD symptoms. Like do yall also go laugh at cancer patients like "lol you suck for being in bed, look at all those symptoms, so much milk, omg her hair is falling out from chemo lmfao" like what makes it okay to do to a mental illness but not a physical one? Do you know the rate of suicide for people with BPD? It has a higher mortality rate than some cancers and the only treatment offered is DBT which is white Buddhism with medspeak trying to tell you the things that are ruining your life arent valid to be angry over. Is it fun to try to bully a young girl into the grave because she fell through on some art commissions a decade ago during a bad mental health episode? Should somebody's entire life be over because they were irresponsible at 19? I was a MONSTER at 19 I did a lot worse than get too sick to fill a few commissions. 19 year olds are shitheads who don't understand consequences because their brain has not finished developing. I see her and think "there but for the grace of god go I" if my DOC had happened to be H instead of Speed/club drugs. Im not any better than her just because I chose different drugs.

Also it is INCREDIBLY dangerous to discharge somebody from the hospital who has been on pain meds for months with no taper especially when that person is a former addict who doesnt want to relapse into using street drugs. Doctors get funding to deny people opiates (at least in NY) even when they need them. Especially for tapering, that not only puts somebody at a horrible risk of relapse but also for a risk of OD since their system cant handle that much street drugs anymore. Putting somebody on opiates for 2 months and then cutting them off with no tapering is literally life threatening if they decide the pain is bad enough to resort back to street drugs. The fact that shes a former addict makes it MORE dangerous that they didn't send her home with a tapering dose because she likely still has access to a supply. But again pain patients are casualties of the drug war because drs are more afraid of somebody being high than being in pain when it should be the other way around. IGAF if 90% of the people are abusing it as long as it means that the 10% who actually need it get treatment. They didn't deny her a taper dose due to her drug history, they denied it to get more funding by prescribing less opioids and used her history as an excuse. Is that only funny to you when it leaves the "right" people in pain?

Yall should be ashamed of yourselves, didn't your mothers raise you better than this?