#while also carrying their own person baggage.

[violet-amet]

thinking writing stuff.

tackling some subjects, specifically trans and race, is a difficult thing for me, despite being hispanic, and trying to understand trans identity.

not every person has the same experience, so whether i do a good job writing it could be subjective, no matter how much i try to study and understand people of all sorts. i mostly write fluff and stuff, and adventure and romance, and just people with complicated lives dealing with their complicated matters as best as they can.

but i dont want to subconsciously do something that would cause a major outrage. growing up the way i did, some slang is rather common, and some phrases as well. for example, im often called caramel skin by my sister, which i see as an endearing phrase and compliment, but its not exactly a good thing for others to have their skin compared to food and sweets for different reasons.

so i will keep that out of my stories, and just hope i can write about a person skin color and background well.

same goes for gender identity.

and other things i have not talked about yet, such as disabilities.

hm.

[themyscirah]

Started thinking about the Amanda Waller + Ben Turner relationship again.... fuck, I'm gonna need a minute

[thedivinetarot]

If I can't have you no one should

Who is stalking you?

☆How to chose the perfect pile for you?

1) Close your eyes.

2)Take a deep breathe.

3) Ask the question in your mind.

4) Open your eyes and the picture you are drawn to the most is your pile.

☆Note:

- This PAC can be applied on social media too not just real life.

- Please don't think of anyone while you are choosing.

- If you think that someone is stalking you or your social media and you find their energy here then consider it as a confirmation.

- The energy of this reading is open.

- This reading is just for entertainment purposes, and the energy is not set in stone. This reading can't substitute any medical or professional advice.

Stay safe❤

Arya

Pile 1 - Elivera

What are you coming from?

This pile’s energy is a mixed bag to be honest. Some people here are celebrating their anniversary; could be you and your boyfriend, you and your spouse or any anniversary in general. If it is not an anniversary then there's someone in your family who is getting married and you are so happy and excited for the wedding. And if you are the bride then you are so happy that you are going to be a bride. The second energy in this pile are people who are dismissing a connection. Like you might be dating someone for a while but you discovered that this person is no longer good for you or have the same values as you. I see that this person is crushing on you so hard but you are like "ew, stay away". Or if you are not being pursued by anyone then you are learning how to put healthy boundaries with people you are dating. The third energy in this pile is about people who are dealing with trauma. You guys might be holding on this trauma and refusing to heal and let go. There's this sense of "I'm happy with this pain, I don't want to let go". Like you are holding on too tight on this pain and this is what kills me. You don't have to hold onto that pile one, you are way better than this. Also I see that you might be someone who has been victimized themselves all of their life, you might be the type of person who is like "yeah it is my circumstances that made me do that". You might see yourself as a victim or refuse to see the power you hold within yourself. So you stay at that role and you keep carrying on the trauma baggage and refuse to let go of the past. My own advice is to try and heal yourself and try to forgive that person because you'll only hurt yourself pile one.

Who is stalking you?

Ugh, it is an Ex. And if you don't have any Ex then this is a woman from your family. She could be your mother, aunt or a female sibling with water placements (Cancer, Scorpio pr pisces) she is worried about you and she really want to be around you and spend more time with you because she loves you. Okay returning to the Ex, this person is refusing to let you go. He is so damn possessive over you. I'm not seeing any action but he is just watching you from afar and acting prideful. He doesn't want to approach or return, I don't see that. This might just be curiosity, how or what you are doing in your life. And if this person is not an Ex or a female family relative then this is your Ex fiance. And if this is not your fiance or an Ex then this is your crush (for the second energy who is being pursued by a crush). This person might have moon in sagittarius, strong pisces placements or taurus placements, or it could be you. I asked for advice on how to deal with this person and the cards are telling me that if you feel like this person is annoying you by always invading your life and space then go and face them. The cards are encouraging you to be more assertive about who you want in your life and who you don't.

Stay safe pile one and thank you for reading this❤.

Pile 2 - Elaine

What are you coming from?

This pile is is for people who are planning to travel somewhere. and if this is not the case then you collecting your courage to end a chapter in your life with someone who treated you like trash. This person traumatized and made you feel like you don't matter. This person might be a narcissist or a player and this situation left you anxious regarding your love life. I see that you used to be happy and joyful but this perosn sucked your light and made you feel powerless. Pile 2 I'm sorry to see this, I hope you recover and be happy and content on your own. Other people in this pile have an investment that they DON'T want to do, this chance is so good I advice you to take it and if you do take it you'll be so successful and content because of it. It will pay your bills and other expenses. I also see that other energies in this pile, you might traveled somewhere and you ended up being scammed? I see scam here and if you want to travel then be careful of getting scammed, okay?. Pile 2 have you just came from hanging out with your brothers? I see two young guys one have light brown hair and the other is dark brown or black hair one have fire placements and the other have water placements and if they are not your brothers then they might be your friends? Are they teenagers pile 2? I see you hanging out with them or you will. Anyways let's get into the reading.

Who is stalking you?

I see that this is someone you blocked? Were they an option to you? Or have they treated you like an option? This person wants to work things out with you. They might be rich or stable financially and if they are not that rich they could be more stable financially than you. This person is older than you, he have taurus, gemini, aries and cancer placements or it could be you. I see that you walked away from this connection. You gave up on this person and now you are seeking new and more fulfilled connections, especially the romantic ones. I guess this person saw you as a romantic option but never really pursued anything serious. He might have flirted with you and then ghosted you. He might have a strong masculine energy. Or desired by many. I see that you are trying now to put a full stop to this connection and move on with your life. Did this person made you feel desperate for his attention pile 2? I see that you tried to act cool and non chalant but you ended up feeling desperate and devastated by his actions. Let's see what does he want from you; oh yeah, he want a new start with you guys. He is reminiscing over the past and he remembers everything you did together. He want to be involved in a platonic connection with you, and he want to truly be happy and give it a chance. I see that he has a hidden motive; it could be conquering you and making you his. And if not then just enjoy, he doesn't seem harmful but please DON'T TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY!. Detach pile 2, try to Detach.

Stay safe pile 2 and thank you for reading this ❤.

Pile 3 - Vanessa

What are you coming from?

Pile three have you been doubting yourself lately? I see you doubting yourself and avoiding to do the hard work which is taking the lead and be decisive and assertive. You guys have been ignoring that you should do the work and get out of your comfort zone but somehow you either postpone the work and put it off so you can't be uncomfortable. I see that you are thinking negatively and falling in despair, you might be reading a classic literature or just a sad book. I see you overwhelmed by the choices and the "where to start" phrase kept popping in my head. I see you refusing to face this and you can't literally see what is behind this overwhelming feeling of despair. But I see that at some point you should take action and stop postponing what should've been done. Anyway, other people in this pile are my "I'm healthy, I'm wealthy and I'm rich, I'm that bitch" I guess you might like listening to Doja cat or you just repeat this phrase as an anthem to keep your vibrations high. Have you finished working out? I'm seeing you focusing on your health too. Also I see that you are working with high vibrations and trying to manifest a beautiful life like you pile 3. Other people have just finished having sex? Ngl I see you just finished pile 3. He might be your date, soulmate or boyfriend? Maybe a hookup but the sex was so heavenly? I hope you're doing good pile three. And now let's get into the reading.

Who is stalking you?

Okay pile 3 I see that the person who is stalking you was someone you felt discouraged by them romantically?. I see that this is someone with earth placements (capricorn, virgo and taurus). I see that you used to know this person but the divine stepped in between you two and now you don't really know how he is doing? I see that you turned your back on this person. He is a young guy like between 20 and 25. He might be an acquaintance, a friend of a friend I'm seeing. You might know someone who know someone who knows them? This person is not a crush; it is not giving any crush type of energy. They might be a classmate or someone you worked or studied with. I see that they hear the tea on you from a friend? She could be a female friend with air placements. I asked the cards why he is stalking you; the cards are telling me that he want to be your friend and seek a fulfilling connection with you. He might be interested in you and that passion keeps him up all night. Omg 😭 I don't know why I'm getting this feeling. Like he want to act cool but he is so into you. I see that he is so stable and wealthy and if not then he might be mentally stable. I asked for advice and the cards are telling me that if you are interested then you can pursue something with them. I see that you are very independent pile three, and you are so happy and content with how things are in your life. You don't need this person pile three, you want them and that's the difference.

Stay safe dear pile three and thank you for reading this❤.

26th/Aug/2024 - Mon

*Feedback is appreciated

[brujamala-aka-gigi]

random messages from the tarot

so, this is a short pac reading with no theme, anything essencial will show up on this readings. feel free to pick more than one pile <3

pile 1 pile 2

pile 3 pile 4

images from pinterest and dividers by @fairytopea

꒰ঌ ✦ scroll down for the results ໒꒱ ༘*.ﾟ

-ˋˏ ༻ ❁ Masterpost and Tarot Menu ❁༺ ˎˊ-

*˚‧͙✧ PILE ONE ✧‧͙⁺*

During this very moment of your life, you need to stop expecting good fortune and luck to be on your side when you are thinking about taking any kind of new direction. It’s understandable that hope might be a great motivator for you, but you are limiting yourself if you’re ignoring how important are your own actions and your virtues, things that go well in your life, are not because of good luck, they go well because you did well. If you focus on developing your skills and your confidence, you will achieve a lot and actually enjoy those achievements without any sort of impostor syndrome.  Please understand that anything good that happens to you, in your case, is a reflection of what you do on your own in order to keep the abundance and the positive energy coming your way.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE TWO ✧‧͙⁺*

I get this feeling you are watching yourself detach from your own emotions and you are not sure what to do about it. When it comes to feelings of anxiety or sadness, it’s common to want to detach, or ignore them, but at some point this can happen sort of by accident, you know you’re feeling bad, but you don’t quite feel it sometimes. What I can say about this is that: try to deal with this by being deeply conscious on how and why these feelings are being ignored, don’t focus too much on what is causing them right now, but instead focus on why you are not allowing yourself to experience something completely human: feelings. Try to understand them as ways in which your mind and body communicates the needs you’re unconsciously ignoring. And please ask for help if you need to.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE THREE ✧‧͙⁺*

It’s time to stop being resentful with your past self, and /or the people who hurt you.  You’re carrying way too much baggage that is affecting your decision making skills, usually taking you to places and people that are far too similar to the situations that got you the baggage in your first place. This is a great moment to begin healing journeys aimed to allow yourself to have a deeper comprehension on your past, by taking a more objective look on it and being more understanding with your old self, more patient and comprehensive. For you, it’s necessary to see what thought are behavioural patterns are keeping you away from moving on from the past.

*˚‧͙✧ PILE FOUR ✧‧͙⁺*

You’re going to experience a lot of creative energy and fast changes soon. It’s key that you can embrace the fun yet chaotic but overall positive experiences that’ll come your way. These are not only meant to give you new perspectives and new opportunities regarding the material aspects of your life, but they’re also a manifestation of your own energy changing and attracting both positive and negative challenges. You will be put in situations where your passions will become a great source of guidance and hope, while becoming more and more present in your life. Expect new people wanting to approach you during a time of change and evolution like this, some come to help, some to test you, some will stay and others not.

hi, i'm gigi :)

i hope you enjoyed this readings and hopefully found something useful. check my masterpost if you want to know more about this blog or if you want to keep reading some more PACs. also, my bookings for personal readings are open!! so don't hesitate to take a quick look at my tarot menu if you're interested in that.

as usual, im thankful for all the good vibes on here, i hope everyone can get something out of this blog!! i'm really struggling to get consistent with posting since i prioritize my job as a tarot reader on an app and doing personal readings from here (and omg thanks to everyone who trusts me with that and thanks to everyone who books).

so yeah, thats pretty much it.

much love, gigi <3

[queermasculine]

Maybe a stupid question but one I've asked myself, what's the difference in between a butch and a masc for you ? Is there one ?

not a stupid question! "butch" is an older word with more meanings across time. to straight people it's been a military style haircut, a male name (still a few old guys named butch in the US), and a fairly uncomplicated synonym for masculine. to lesbians, bisexuals and gay men, it's been all of the above, but it's also had a whole host of other connotations specific to us and our own ways of loving/performing masculinity. a lot of the different meanings of butch have faded or fallen out of fashion over the years, but the word has more or less kept its purpose among lesbians, giving it the lesbian tint it has today.

"masc" is a much newer term, and unlike butch, i don't believe it's ever been widely used by the straight mainstream. (not a lot of grandpas named masc out there.) it's my impression that masc first spread out from gay guys on grindr, or at least that played a big part in popularizing it, and it's been used pretty much exclusively in an lgbt context ever since. in that sense it's the word with the more explicitly queer origin, despite having a much shorter history. having risen to popularity in the age of social media, masc carries none of the historical baggage of butch, and as such it's a more open-ended term, implying very little about a person beyond their masculinity. you can see this difference exemplified in google search results: while looking up butch will primarily yield information about the word's significance to lesbians, masc will net you more neutral descriptions, like "a person whose gender identity is masculine, but who is not necessarily a man."

despite all that, masc and butch usually serve the same function (to express the masculinity of the subject) and are used pretty much interchangeably in many contexts. also worth noting is that the lesbian association of butch is not a rule, just an observation i've made about modern perceptions. bisexual women have always used butch (and femme) alongside lesbians, and to this day you'll still encounter gay men – usually older – who identify as butch. so in conclusion, if you're trying to pick what label to use for yourself, i wouldn't worry about it too much. both terms have room enough for you in them.

[eroscomet]

Picking Up Pieces That Aren't Yours

Chapter one- Pieces of the Past

┗━━━✦❘༻♡༺❘✦━━━┛

Paring: Tara Carpenter x Fem!Reader

Context: You've known Tara for most of her life in Woodsboro, though you two were never close. After moving to NYC to escape everything she and her sister endured, she finds herself trying to regain control of her life despite being a wreck. After killing Amber, who had been her girlfriend for years, she has a hard time trusting new people as well as trusting relationships. During her time at Blackmore University, she finds herself getting closer to you. She unintentionally plays the push-and-pull game with you, pulling you in as if she wants to be more than friends with you and then pulling away when you actually seem to want to commit.

Warnings: Talks about death, murder, grievance, Trauma, PTSD, Mentions of forms of abuse, Mentions alcoholism, Mentions of weapons, bad writing. (Let me know if I missed anything!)

Word count: 2.5k

A/N: Hellooooo, lovelies! I am currently working on the second part of 'Make it Right', it will be out soon, I promise. For now, I've decided to also begin writing other one-shots or starting other stories! I believe I am going to write more fics for Jenna's different characters. It might've been just a bit inspired by 'Casual' by Chappell Roan but that'll come in later chapters.

╰┈➤Series Masterlist

┗━━━✦❘༻♡༺❘✦━━━┛

┏━━━✦❘༻♡༺❘✦━━━┓

No one said it was going to be easy, especially for the Carpenter sisters. With everything that they have endured, they now carry emotional baggage that they feel will follow them everywhere. Or so Sam feels that way. Tara refuses forthat to be her path, she refuses to be someone who lets one event define her entire life. She saw it with Sidney, Gale, and all those who have been through the same thing as her. People who can never seem to escape or move on from their past.

Tara refuses to see the therapist that Sam has been in contact with for her therapy sessions. She truly believes that she can handle it all on her own. Which, in retrospect, sounds absurd. Planning to go through four years of university without any help with her mental and emotional baggage? She doesn't want to talk to her friends about what happened or even think about what happened.

A part of her is still somewhat grieving Amber, it's expected, though. They had dated for quite some while, but Tara is now left with the thoughts of, 'Was any of it real?' Was Tara a pawn in Amber's sick and twisted game? That's how she felt like, at least. Like she let this all happen. Like all of it was somehow her fault. These destructive thoughts allowed Tara to cave in on herself. Her mind was as much a battlefield as her life itself.

Did she survive? Yes. Did she escape? No. She thought that moving away from Woodsboro would save her, she thought it was an escape. Her mind restricted her of that relief, of that escape. She survived, but at what cost? She feels she has absolutely no sense of direction. She wanted to blame Amber just as everyone had and then moved on, but she couldn'twhen she blamed herself for somehow allowing this to happen. Even now that Amber is gone, she still plagues her mind. 

There is no excuse that she can give for Amber's actions, and she isn't sure that she wants to make an excuse for her.Every night for her is the same. The memory, the nightmare turned reality, haunts her. It's always the same but in a third-person point of view. She sees herself holding the gun, everything slowing down for her at that exact moment. The gun recoiled as the shot was taken, the noise ringing out from it. The look on Amber's face, the realization on her face.

Like every time, the bullet comes in contact with Amber's head, and just like that, she's dead again. The sound of the knife that she once held in her hand clattering on the floor. The sound had been almost deafening in her nightmares. It'salmost taunting the way that she watched as the blood splattered on her face. The blood that had belonged to her once beloved girlfriend.

Beloved. That's how Tara had seen Amber.

It's almost comical to you how Tara had ever seen Amber in any context but fake and off-putting. Amber wasn't the kindest, the easiest to get along with, or even the most caring. You'd almost feel guilty for not speaking out about it earlier if it weren't for others who had also felt that way and kept quiet as well. You weren't exactly friends with their friend group, you had always felt yourself to be a side character.

Chad had always been all over Liv. They were cute, sure, but there was no need for that PDA. Mindy was constantly going on about different horror movies, as well as still somehow complaining about not having a girlfriend and not wanting to commit to one. Wes was caring and all, but he could also get annoying at times. He had been the only one in the friend group who had felt the off feeling about Amber. It seemed like he and Amber were always bumping heads about Tara.

When Wes died, and the news got out about Amber being the one behind the killings along with Sam's boyfriend, Richie, you knew why he had been killed. Amber felt like he was an obstacle—blocking her path to Tara, stopping her from moving forward with everything. But what frustrated her the most was how much he'd begun questioning her, noticing how strangely she’d been acting. You felt almost thankful for keeping your mouth shut about how you felt. It could have been you.

In all honesty, you and Tara had been close at one point. Back in elementary, you had always invited Tara over to your house after noticing how Tara would spend hours waiting for someone to pick her up after school. She'd sometimes mention how she'd be locked out of her house because her mother wasn't home. You had let her come over, you never minded it since the two of you were friends after all.

Looking back at it, knowing what you know now, it's a bit bittersweet. Knowing the only reason it would take a while for someone to pick up Tara was that she had to wait until Sam got out of school, then walk from her middle school to Tara's elementary school, and finally bring Tara home. The times that she would say she was locked out of the house were either her mother was off getting drunk anywhere she could or her mother would lock her out as a form of punishment.

The thought of you not being there for her earlier had always stung. What about the times that it was raining? Was Tara out in the rain alone? You could never bring yourself to ask her, careful not to bring something up that could take her back to that time. You two had stuck together since those days in elementary when she'd come over constantly. Middle school is when it had gotten a bit rocky, Amber had finally come into the picture.

Amber was new, and Tara had always been too kind and understanding for her good. One day of simply showing Amber around the school had turned into having lunches together or hanging out after school. Days when you'd hang out with them or even with Tara alone, you had always felt Amber's burning glare and jealousy, even from behind. You always ignored it though, being able to hang out with Tara was worth it.

It was around this time that you had begun to like Tara and not in a normal friendship platonic way. It was easy to fall for Tara, or so you thought so. She was pretty, inside and out. Her face had always perfectly reflected her beauty on the inside. You were sure that Amber somehow knew that you liked her because of the constant glares. Still, you ignored her because you knew Tara way before Amber had ever known her.

Ignoring, however, had made it worse even though you were trying to steer away from conflict. Amber didn't take you ignoring her lightly. She began finding excuses to take you and Tara's time away from you. Saying anything that would make sweet and naive Tara feel guilty for leaving Amber behind. Hangouts between you and her had become hangouts between the three of you. Then, slowly, Tara slipped away from your fingers and right into Amber's arms.

You tried not to dwell on it too much, as was expected, but it had hurt how it had seemed so easy for Tara to forget and replace you. You weren't angry with Tara, but you were bitter with Amber, yet you held your tongue for Tara's sake.When high school rolled around, rumors had gone around during freshman year that Amber and Tara had begun dating.

This had set you off; your friends hadn't heard the end of it for almost that entire school year. Everything that you see them do, you feel more bitter. That never stopped your feelings for Tara, though, they had only grown since Tara stayed her usual sweet self that had always swept you off your feet. Sophomore year, you spent your entire time busying yourself with your studies and soccer practice. You shut yourself away from hearing things about Tara and Amber's'amazing' relationship.

That's when junior year rolled by, it seemed like you had some luck this year. You and Tara shared a math class, Algebra II, without a certain possessive girlfriend around to keep you away from Tara. You're sure that Amber noticed you two shared a class because Tara wasn't as talkative with you. Maybe you had grown apart? Or maybe Amber had told her to stay away from you? 

Senior year is when it all happened. It was hard to keep up with all the information that felt like it was being thrown at you. First, Tara's attack, then the following murders, Sam being back in town with her weird boyfriend, and Amber suddenly getting more controlling and possessive.

Tara, on the other hand, felt like she had been thrown into the eye of the tornado. She was both happy and bitter that her sister had returned after having no contact with her for so long. Just because she had gotten hurt, she returned? It sounded like bullshit to her, but a big part of her had missed Sam. 

Sam had been around to meet Amber, having left when Tara had been in 8th grade. She never liked Amber; she had always felt something was off about her, and no matter the countless times she told Tara that, Tara had always defended Amber. Upon seeing that Amber was still a part of Tara's life and now has a more important role than a friend, it irked her a bit. Amber had been bitter with Sam from the moment that she returned; maybe it was because of everything Tara had opened up to her about Sam, or maybe it was all a part of the act.

When it had been just Sam and Tara in the room, she had asked Tara where you had gone. "Whatever happened to her, I liked her." She had said. Tara had dismissed it with a small excuse, but hearing your name had tugged at her heart a bit, though she quickly ignored it. When Tara thought back to then, it made her feel stupid how she hadn't reached out to you sooner, but she knew that she was stuck in a position she couldn't leave. She was blinded by what she had thought was love with Amber. 

━━━━✦❘༻♡༺❘✦━━━━

Tara woke up on the couch in the apartment that she, Sam, and their roommate Quinn shared. Quinn was out, probably on some Tinder date that would end in her staying the night with her date. Sam had been working late shifts, still trying to afford both the apartment and now Tara's education as well. She awoke to the sound of a phone ringing, a small groan escaping her lips. 

She sat up on the couch, sighing before grabbing her phone off of the coffee table. She didn't care to check the contact name, she simply picked up the phone. All she had heard was a static noise, which caused her to furrow her eyebrows. A breathing noise was heard through the other end of the phone. Suddenly, the noise of the front door's knob jingling had caused her to be on high alert.

She felt herself retreat to the state she was never able to leave behind. Her hands shook as her heart began to pound, dropping her phone on the floor. A soft thump was heard as her phone fell onto the living room carpet. She completely froze, not knowing what to do and even if she had known, she was too paralyzed by fear to do it. 

Eventually, the door opened and she clasped her hand over her mouth, her other hand grabbing the remote from next to her on the couch. Felt tears beginning to prick from the corners of her eyes.

"Tara! Sam asked me to check up on you-" You had begun saying before you felt the remote hit you in the head to which your hand reflexively held where the remote hit you on the head. "Gah! What the-"

You felt your words die on your lips as you saw Tara in the state she was in. Her sigh of relief did not go unnoticed by you as you began putting two and two together that you had triggered her. Before you could say anything, you saw tears slip from her eyes and roll down her cheeks. You put down the bag of take-out that you had brought for her to eat onto the coffee table before rushing to her. Kneeling in front of her a waterfall of apologies escaped from your lips.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Tara, it's just me. I came to check up on you, Sam just wanted to make sure you were okay." You said as you leaned up, wrapping your arms around her. She quickly responded by wrapping her trembling arms around you.

Ever since attending Blackmore with Tara and her friend group, completely unplanned, you had gotten back into touch with her. You were one of the only 'outsiders' that she trusted with Tara to check up on her on nights like this. It would be considered a bit pathetic how you seemed at Tara's disposal. Everything she needed, you wanted to give her. 

So, for every message, call, and hang out, you'd immediately accept. Tara knew you liked her but she could never bring herself to be honest with herself about her feelings for you. She just knew it felt good to be cared for by you and to have your attention. All your actions were right, she just couldn't bring herself to trust to love someone and trust someone again.

The thought of a relationship was completely out of her mind until it came to you. This was quickly shaken away by her clouding thoughts of fear. She can't deny the pull to you, but she also cannot deny the thoughts that practically consumed her. Still, she continued to see you. She continued to call on you and be around you. She thought that the two of you had come to the understanding that things between the two of you were casual and light. 

Any time that you had begun to bring up wanting more than stolen kisses and secret cuddling, she'd quickly change the topic. You almost felt embarrassed for wanting to ask what you two were. Then again, you felt like it was better to have her this way than not at all.

"Are you okay?" You asked as you pulled away from the hug, your hands cupping her face to carefully examine her. Her tears had calmed, her breathing a little shaky and uneven, but she still had nodded.

"Yeah, I'm okay." She said with a small sniffle, "Just everything felt like... Never mind." 

"I'm sorry. I just came to check up and bring you something to eat." You said as you began peppering her face with soft and short kisses, trying to make her feel better and partially so she could forgive you. 

"You need to eat." You had added as you pulled away, tucking her bangs behind her ears as she nodded. Sending her a small, soft smile, you began to unpack the takeout for the both of you.

┗━━━✦❘༻♡༺❘✦━━━┛

A/N: I'm going, to be honest, I did not expect to write so much. I had to cut it short because I was going to go on and on. I'm beginning to contemplate turning into a fic as well. The words sort of flowed out of me, and there definitely is a plot that I can build on. I hope you guys enjoyed this! Again, I am currently making the next part to 'Make it Right,' this was meant to be like a little filler to keep you guys entertained, and I started a whole new fic. I'm going to hope to finish the next part of 'Make it Right' and post it sometime tomorrow. Thank you all for reading, as well as for the support on my last post! Bye, lovelies!

[hacash]

‘Nate hasn’t earned a redemption arc yet!’ my dude no-one on Ted Lasso ‘earned’ a redemption arc, that’s the whole damn point

‘redeem’ literally means to compensate for. to give something good in repayment for something bad, to ‘buy back’ the shit you’ve done. And Ted Lasso has never tried to do this. Rebecca didn’t ‘earn’ a redemption arc: she couldn’t unsay all the cruelties she’d said to Higgins, couldn’t bring Jamie back from Man City, couldn’t undo the damage that let to Richmond being regulated. Jamie couldn’t unsay his ageism to Roy or his snottiness to Ted. he couldn’t buy his way out of the bullying he’d imposed on the team – he tried, don’t get me wrong, and then Ted put the breaks on buying the team’s love because he knows how poorly that’s going to go down. earning redemption is an exhausting arc, and Ted Lasso’s been very clever in never really doing it.

what these characters did, however, is resolve to change.

Ted Lasso has never been about redemption: it’s been about reformation. reforming your life, and giving other people the space to acknowledge that and appreciate that. former ‘villains’ in Ted Lasso don’t abase themselves or spend episodes earning back people’s good opinion or their trust: they acknowledge that they’ve done something wrong, and they resolve to turn themselves around. and vitally, they can’t do that until they’ve escaped from the shit place they are in their lives, from their own personal dark forest. Rebecca can’t reform until she’s removed herself from the mental state of obsession with Rupert and instead finds herself in a place of community. Jamie can’t reform until he extracts himself from Man City and his desire to get his father’s approval. mentally, they have to be in a better place themselves before they can start being better for other people.

And then, crucially, I think the crux of a Ted Lasso reformation is a demonstration that you are now a safe space for others when before you weren’t, even if it means putting yourself in a position of vulnerability. for me Rebecca did this not just when she apologised to Ted, but when she offered him an out to share her whole story with the press – risking the press intrusion she so hates. Jamie did this when he joined a potentially risky protest against a prominent sponsor, risking further potential reputational damage (at a time when Jamie’s brand has never needed more of a boost) if it means being part of a team.

and because of that, I think it’s impossible to argue that Nate isn’t in the middle of his reform. He’s already extracted himself from his dark forest: he’s put Rupert behind him, he’s sorting his father issues, he’s proven himself to be less dependent on external validation while having greater confidence in himself. and he’s also starting to show that he’s a safe person to be around, even at the risk of vulnerability. he owns a humiliating nickname that we know carries a lot of painful baggage for him for the sake of conveying to Will that he was wrong, and I think for someone who’s had so many self-esteem issues as Nate, owning a name which he saw as minimising and infantilising and humiliating was a big gesture.

I don’t think that Nate’s arc is finished yet. but I think it’s impossible to claim that he isn’t ‘mid-turn’. and no, he hasn’t ‘earned’ redemption, but ma’am, this isn’t the earn your redemption on your hands and knees show, this is the make the changes to your life that are needed and accept other peoples’ grace if it comes to you show. And there’s a big difference between the two.

[scentedpepper]

Missing | TWD

MALE READER X S5 GROUP

Summary: The group reverberates with a somberness upon your potential death

Content Warnings: Mention of Major Character Deaths from previous seasons, S5 and below spoilers

AUTHOR NOTE(S):

Not too sure how I feel about this one

Could be read as GN for the most part (he/him used a few times, 'Father' used once, 'Brother' used once)

Was originally supposed to be centered around Daryl and Rick, but somewhere along the writing process, I devlled into just about every other member of the group

Ya'll know how many last names I had to look up for these tags

Enjoy?

_________________________________________

7 days.

Seven days of them searching for their found family member who went out to investigate and never came back.

Glenn thought for sure that maybe with all the shit they have been through, the apocalypse must have treated you a little kinder.

That was assuming you were already dead.

Which Rick, in all his glory, continued to remind everyone that until there is evidence, there are just as many possibilities as there are stars in the sky.

He thought it was a strange fit, all doom and gloom, it wasn't like Glenn to carry around the carcasses of such negative presumptions about his loved ones, but nonetheless, he had just the same.

An ever present reminder as the fire was stoked by Glenn's constant fidgets, his spaced-out breaths being released with the baggage of endless possibilities.

"Glenn's gonna lose it when he sees this one. "

Is what Daryl said to Rick on the night of day 5, your shirt clenched in hand, approaching the church with footsteps so heavy you could mistake them for Walkers.

The worst part, Rick thought, was how he had found it, which further fueled the possibility that couldn't help but arise.

A decaying Walker's den where there was a mass majority of bodies wearing clothes; Not Walker corpses.

Hopeless and without explanation Rick approached camp with a grim expression that took root in his features.

And when Daryl had handed the shirt to Glenn after he feverishly chanted let me see it, let me see it, over and over, Daryl observed the way his hand shook when he snatched it and how the same hand came up to rub his face after he confirmed in his own mind that, without a doubt, it was yours.

Maggie had to take the shirt from his hands and when she felt the dirt and grime ragged against her skin, she almost burst at the seams, Rick knew by the strain in her brows and the way her hands turned into fists at her side.

She was the first person Rick had questioned upon your missing presence, wanting to know who you had walked out with last night and who stayed behind, wanting to pinpoint possible places you might be, or routes you could've taken.

Her response was ridden with anxious adrenaline, her lips chewed raw in worry, bouncing on her toes before stomping off and pulling everyone together to go looking for you.

There was no conversation within the group but a mutual agreement.

Naturally, the first person they looked to for some account of wrongdoing was Gabriel.

You had always been so intuitive, like you were the one who could read minds not him.

The others felt so comforted by you, Gabriel assumed.

He was only too accustomed to the fact that everyone saw the good in you, the positive, and while that brought him a modicum of solace, there were times where he couldn't help but wallow in envy.

A man of God and yet, it was you who they looked to, as if you were Christ himself.

As if you were his light.

Gabriel couldn't understand this fascination.

When he had confronted you about it, rather presumptuously, Gabriel was too quick to gauge the situation and allow his ego to speak for him. Said confrontation also happened to occur right before Maggie and Sasha who shared pointed looks with each other as they watched the scene unfold before them.

You were quick on your toes, always had been. Back on the farm, when Shane had been more akin to a wild boar, you were always the first to confront him. Always calm, or whenever you spoke you at least had the appearance of it, always matter of fact. Even when your voice raised or when anger was seething through you, it seemed like everyone just stopped, and listened.

It was one of your redeeming traits, sharp tongue laced with facts that wouldn't hesitate to point out things that were missing, contradictions, positions and beliefs.

It left some satisfaction amongst the ton when Gabriel pushed out of Judith's designated room, nearly knocking Carl off his feet as the door came with his exit.

A flustered look had replaced him, no doubt having felt the embarrassment, as if he had been burning inside.

After a beat, he had apologized under his breath and carried himself in haste towards you.

Unfortunately, this incident occurred the last night anyone had seen you.

When everyone had risen that morning, one by one coming off the floors of the church and stirring awake those who remained sleeping, you were the only one who hadn't stirred. Because your body wasn't even of prescence.

Almost immediately, everybody went on an emotional and mental frenzy.

Even when the conversation with Gabriel didn't bode well for him. He refuted, if a little pathetically, that you weren't very friendly towards him.

Upon hearing of what had happened just hours before they woke, Daryl seemed to retreat back to the deepest of his old roots.

Begrudgingly, Rick knew this was what they called "fight or flight."

Luckily for everyone involved, Daryl never moved unless there was something to fight for. The man had gained some sort of control over the years of personal development but like a dog, he'd jumped on Gabriel the second tensions rose.

There was a knife pressed against Gabriel's throat when Drayl pushed him into the nearest wall and the preacher did nothing but pray to himself and accept his fate.

Minuets later of interrogation and threatening, Michonne and Tara intervenned, though Daryl seemed none too eager to back off the smaller man, not until he was physically being dragged back and Rick telling him to get a hold of himself.

"He's lucky I didn't slit his fuckin' throat! It was him!"

Because back in the day, with Merle at his side, he would've and to hell with anyone who said differently.

Rick saw Carol's lips part to say something, as did Abraham, but nothing came out. Not with Rick cutting through them like cloth to speak, clearing his throat, hands rising in demand to appease the tension in the church.

"We are going to look for Y/N. It's no secret that we're standing on a ticking time bomb. " His head turned sharply towards everyone, waiting a beat before he continued. "Everybody gets paired off. No one leaves each other's sides. "

His gaze softened upon the archer as he came around to see the anger and frustration but most of all, the pain in his eyes. He wanted to assure him, they were going to find you. But he couldn't find the words to, as his own fingertips surged with doubt and as the rest of the days proceeded, his whole body seemed to become encapsulated by it.

They all began out at once, weapons gathered, determination and grievance fused into them as they exited the church in pairs. The only 2 persons staying behind being Judith and Abraham.

Before the front doors fell, Rick sought out Gabriel, his fingers ghosting over the knob as his stomach tied in knots.

"If you so much as touch a hair on her head. "

He was referring to Michonne who'd gotten the unsavory job of catering to Gabriel, "I swear it'll be the last thing you do. "

His eyes followed Gabriels timley swallow as he spoke.

"And if I find out you had an inkling of any wrongdoing, God won't be able to save you. "

It wasn't just Daryl that was shaken by the fear of your abduction –or worse, there wasn't a moment where Rick could stop to inhale without thinking about you. How tightly you had embraced him 2 nights prior, when he'd confided that maybe he wasn't suited for this leader job anymore, that he didn't know where you all would go, or if you'd even make it past these religious grounds before succumbing to hunger.

There was warmth radiating off you like a furnace and he couldn't shake the soothing way your fingertips gilded against his forearm as you told him that things would fall into place in time, no matter how difficult it got.

But Daryl was a damn firecracker, this way of his to emote through hostility and intimidation was a way for him to cope with the potential loss of his brother.

You were not Shane.

There's so much Rick could rationalize before he no longer had the will to counter how much he wished you were there now to quell the savagery within his best friend.

Carl was as much of a mess as the archer, if not more. The rage within him seemed to blaze each step closer to the forest. It burned at his eyes, tearing his hands into fists that felt as if their own knuckles may shatter within the grasp.

Rosita had to stop him.

"What?" He initially sneered at her, pushing out of her grip and continuing to stomp forward until he could feel her nipping at his heels.

"Carl, now is not the time to get some kind of revenge, alright? We'll find the fucker, but getting ourselves killed is not going to help. "

In time, she got him to sit down and collect himself, which consisted of roughly pacing and rubbing his face with his palms in an attempt to scrub the hostility right out of him. He wanted to scream, to fucking yell the earth apart because this wasn't fair, none of this was.

Yet, he found it somewhat easier to sit there and allow his teeth to sink into his knuckles while he suppressed tears.

Eugene and Tara had wandered the farthest the fastest, the church began to slowly disappear the deeper they strayed into the density of the trees until there was no distinguishable church at all, or street or houses for that matter.

They were silent the entire way, like speaking would somehow shatter the chances of finding you, safe, sound and alive.

So then when Tara's voice did come, meek and soft, far from anything close to the tone she usually sported, Eugene nearly jumped.

He halted immediately, his body turning as he looked every which way as if you may suddenly appear behind a tree.

"We should turn around and just make our way back. " She whispered.

That was her biggest concern, because with the route they had taken, any further into the unknown, she knew there were no way to familiarize themselves with where they were.

"Rick said to keep searching til sun down and that's just what I intend to do. " There was an an irrtation in his expression and an agony to his voice that confirmed his intentions were anything but logical.

"Eugene. "

And again, his body suddenly felt like it wasn't his, or maybe his bones weren't aligned and he was a puppet, a stranger, someone entirely else.

"Eugene, we won't get anywhere trying to force out this search. Please. The sun is already setting, it's near impossible to see 10 feet ahead and even if we were to press further in the dark, they're-"

She didn't need to finish her sentence to know what she wanted to say, the image was still clear in her mind as if she had just watched the last interaction you'd had with her and Rosita. The absolute dejection you allowed her to see in your eyes, the hesitation and restraint you had felt in giving your hugs. She took one and wrapped herself around you and you didn't dare do more than reciprocate the tightness, afraid to hurt her. As if.

After some minuets, Eugene came to and they turned back.

When they got to the church, Abraham was doing circles around the confinements of the holy sanctuary with Judith in his arms.

"Where's Gabriel?" Eugene spoke cautiously, realizing the weight in his voice when he did so.

"He's locked in his office. Said to leave him to rot or somethin'. Not a bad idea, the bastards a fuckin killer. "

Abraham was just as convinced as Daryl. No one asked to elaborate because they somehow knew the moment he did, he'd lose his shit. Like a bomb that's set to a timer, ticking away until it explodes into your ears.

"Find anything?" He asked as Tara slid down the wall she had been leaning against since they returned and brought her legs to her chest. Eugene shook his head at him which made the soldier nod back bitterly.

By day two, Michonne decided to conduct a one man search party for the nights. When the moon came out, she snuck off to the woods and scouted the area she had previously searched, for any evidence that may have been missed on the 1st visitation. Which would prove to cause strife amongst the group when Carl found her out four days later.

"What are you doing?" He challenged harshly as he forced himself into the dark brush behind her with Michonne's body jolting at the abrupt arrival of company.

"Carl-"

"Are you crazy?”

The boy wasn't the only person who she'd receive these questions from, Tyrese had found himself wandering her way as well.

"Why would you come out here on your own? Have you lost it?" He griped under his breath, tone laced with disapproval as if the woods had just come to eat them alive.

"Well, what are you doing out here?" She retorted back in a whisper yell with a forceful gesture to the man who was just as armed, just as ready as her.

Her efforts were fruitless, though, and no response was heard, which left her walking the same way she came.

Rick wasn't happy about it.

At first, when Carl appeared through the door in the night, he thought his son was the culprit of the secret night searches, but soon realized what has transpired when he saw Michonne making her way inside.

"Everyone is on edge, alright? Everyone is doing exactly what is expected of them, they have been looking and looking and Michonne, it's about time you pulled your head from your ass and sat down for the night. " Rick had said 5 minuets after they'd settled in the privacy of Judiths room. Their voices were lowered considerably so as not to wake the others, but Rick's tone wasn't anything less than a demand.

"So we should just sit around?" She had, then, the urge to spit at him and remind him that you could be dead in the next second. Gone. Poof.

"We are not–" Rick's voice began to rise in octaves but he took a moment to lower the volume. "We are *not* just sitting around. "

There was an enervation in Rick's stance that Michonne could feel pricking her heart strings. He looked exhausted, absolutely strained.

"He could– he could be in trouble. " Michonne attempted to keep her voice leveled as she looked around in disdain, her lip trembling and Rick saw this, that she could not come to accept the way things were."I can't bury him." She hissed as clear glistens of wetness fell from the pools in her eyes.

Rick knew exactly the terror Michonne felt in the pit of her gut and he could almost see inside her head, the vision of a funeral and everyone in a heavy sweat of depression and rage, because it was the same one he saw every night before he closed his eyes.

A few dead bodies surrounding the fire pit in the woods while everyone circled around you and Daryl cried.

He had already envisioned it all, envisioned the way Glenn would crack at your loss. While Maggie was reduced to hiccups and broken speeches, she had somehow found the strength to collapse to the floor and refuse help.

Bobs face would fall, for once, it would fall and Sasha wouldn't be able to handle the breath leaving her body, clutching Tyrese, who looked just as devastated, to her to bring her solace.

Carol would gasp but it wouldn't matter because no one would hear her over Daryl's sobs, no one would see the way her lips pulled down at the corners and the lines in her face would tighten.

Rick didn't like to think about how he might react. He imagined it be something similar to crazed. But beyond that, he didn't want to picture it.

And what about his son? Carl who hadn't even fully grown yet. Rick couldn't stomach the thought, the sheer utter torment he'd experience watching his sons body begin to wither. He didn't want to know.

You'd been there while he was unconscious in that hospital bed, through every storm, everything, by his side. You were a father to Carl as much as he was and you'd been nothing short of a supporting role to Rick. There's been times when you just drove the both of them off in the car, taking trips to lakes and nearby parks, anywhere that offered a semblance of normalcy.

You'd scout the places out days before, cleaned it free of Walker's and set up a picnic on the cool greens of grass or near broken tables. Even once or twice when the fire smothered to ambers or if Carl's blood started to burn so hot, you'd give them a midnight rendezvous, all three of you climbing up a tree or anything that fit the current circumstances in which the group resided.

Rick had to run a hand through his hair and all he could do was grab Michonne by her shoulders, look her forcefully in the eyes and say:

"We are going to find him. And anyone who gets in the way of that will pay. "

Because he wasn't going to accept anything else.

Which is why he didn't stop Tyrese or Daryl or anybody who wanted a chunk out of Gabriel the morning of day eight when he suggested that they move on.

He even went as far as leaving the church entirely, not caring to put aside personal feelings, not caring how he may look. His expression was sour and drained and at this rate, the only thing he cared about was finding you.

He would have no problem burying his tomahawk right into the preachers skull.

Daryl kept watch most of the nights, refusing rest for the past week because every time he tried, he felt as if it were a ploy. He became distressed each time he was reminded you weren't going to walk in and slumber on the floor next to him or Carol. You weren't anywhere.

It pissed Daryl off beyond belief to know there was an actual possibility that you weren't breathing anymore, weren't thinking, feeling.

His anger had to be one of the few things driving him into the same track less search the next day as he pushed through the forest ahead of Rick.

Things were starting to feel all too familiar and he thought he might find you in a barn just the same as Sofia. But you didn't pop out the doors in any walkers veil, you weren't bloodied nor torn apart. There were no traces of anyone or anything in those forests.

You simply disappeared.

And it left them in another night of quiet.

Spoons scraping agaisnt cans, the faint sound of chewing. A tiny droplet of rain hitting a window pane or two.

That was all.

No one spoke, yet they all sat around a room cramped with anxious bodies.

Sasha's leg brushed against her guns outline, her boots rubbed together, her tongue flicked at her teeth and she felt as if her thoughts were vibrating the inside of her skull, riling her from the depths. There was an eerily absence of anything positive, because at this point no one was expecting good news.

Gabriel's execution was more or less inevitable as each of the nights rolled by. There'd be the lingering aura of danger and anticipation due to the preachers remaining presence. But no one ever mentioned it, let alone had the will to.

It was hard to digest the concept of your loss because not a single one of them wanted to bury you, the group preferred to be broken and you had become like an integral part of what bound them.

Food was beginning to dwindle down the line of low and low to nonexistent.

And as they sat there, in silence, there was collective knowing resonating around them that this would be the last night they spent in the church.

Not that anyone dared to speak it, not even Rick, who gazed afar into the burning light of a candle and contemplated.

Carol noticed first, maybe it was her nose, fine tuned for the scent of trouble and like a dog trailing a rabbit, she jumped up with a clatter and darted towards the front door.

But she didn't even get halfway across the church, with Rick trailing closely behind her, along with the others who were all clammering to their feet, when the doors burst open on their own, the cool whip of wind entering the room as the room itself seemed to rise up in temperature.

There, with a trail of blood drops, a scarily dehydrated and filthy body fell into her arms.

It was you.

And the sigh of relief felt as if you breathed the air back into everyones lungs. It reanimated the whole church.

[mysterycitrus]

I know a lot of ppl ask u abt jason or dick but im wondering now, what do u think about bruce? I find him a very interesting character whose characterization is incredibly feeble, both bc of his 80 years of history and the tendency writers have to project their own male fantasies on him. So i'd definitely love to hear ur own thoughts about him. I personally enjoy depicting him as someone morally grey, although my sympatization for him changes day to day. Wether you think he is a good or a bad person, i believe u need to make him dedicated to gotham and the bat as a symbol, and that comes with all its advantages and drawbacks

bruce wayne is sooooo interesting (derogatory) because like u said, he carries the baggage of every masochismo author that decided batman was too woke and should hurt his kids and that supporting gotham’s infrastructure is for pussies. there’s also the flipside of that, where he’s the perfect father who’s waaaay too emotionally regulated for my taste. both of these interpretations are bad imo, and both functionally miss the point.

i think part of this (in fandom) is an obsession with moral angst — u can either be a good person doing good things, or a bad person doing bad things. think about how some characters are crucified while others are babied. someone always has to be absolutely right, and the other has to be absolutely wrong.

in reality, there are a lot of people who are fundamentally kind and fundamentally want to do good that are really terrible to the people in their lives. bruce wayne being someone who relies on having so much control that it implodes his connections to the people around him is an important part of his character. his profound love for his children, for gotham and her people, for humanity in general and his belief in peoples ability to change, doesn’t circumvent the fact that he’s often an emotionally abusive man who hurts others to achieve his own ends. he contains multitudes.

writing him as a functionally irredeemable, violently abusive person is the anti-thesis to the symbol that he himself created. no, i personally don’t believe he actively beats his kids (even though it’s supported in the text). no, i don’t think he’s an irredeemable sadist (as much as frank miller wants u to believe otherwise). to have people like dick grayson and diana and clark and dinah love and believe in u means that there has to be something there worth caring about, otherwise the whole universe is gonna fall apart.

that’s what makes his relationship to cass so interesting — he sees his neuroticism, his dedication to the cause above all else, and does not find it admirable. he finds it confronting and upsetting. and to be clear, cass (like dick) is very much the moral ideal of what batman should be, but still bruce finds it hard to deal with!!

his abject failures — his treatment of the robins, his crippling guilt about jason, his fears of becoming a killer, the impossible load he gives himself to carry — means that when he’s shown as someone who genuinely cares, it makes him more complex. like yeah, bruce isn’t actually a cold hearted person. he really really gives a shit. too many shits, to be totally honest. he’s a morally grey person that wants to do good, but is so terrified of losing control that he keeps others away and hurts them in the process. there’s a reason why his emotional crutch was a traumatised eight year old fr. nothing is more important than the mission, including bruce wayne himself

[zeondraws]

I poked a few questions at Secret Mode on their discord server and got an answer back today. Right after I came home and I can't stress how happy I got reading it.

I'll try to show my the questions and the answers together, so that people on tumblr have enough context what I asked about. Figured you guys might enjoy.

"Does Muir play the Bagpipe?" - Personally (others might disagree), I could definitely see Muir play the bagpipe (especially if he can annoy Innes with it!) but what would most likely happen is that he would bring something small that is allowed in his baggage like an harmonica.

"Something I noticed is that McLeary's name seems to be an innuendo to MacReady from The Thing, which made me wonder: Were names chosen at random or did they serve a specific purpose? Another person I know noticed Muir means "sea" while Innes means "island"." - I think the short answer is yes names have meaning and none of them were picked at random! But our philosophy is to let people draw their own conclusion as we don't want to make things "official" by giving our reasons! (we love to read/see people create their own theories so feel free to share them!)

"One small thing me and other people wondered, ingame we found a schedule for the shifts. A bunch of the crewmates seem to be listed on it, like "Derek M."? and "Joey I." Where we wondered if those were the first names of Muir and Innes?" - To my knowledge Muir and Innes have always existed in the game and can be found listed on that schedule I think although it might be hidden. Derek and Joey might be in the background without lines. - Innes' first name is Terry and Muir's name is Ewan.

"Another mini question I had was, is it possible to know who lived in the room 121? I could never find any indications thus far." - 121 was meant to be Innes and Muir's room...Innes is the one who likes reading. Seeing how much fans love them I wish we'd set dressed it more with clues about them.

"And my last goofy question is, when Muir basically yeets Innes across the deck, he is still animated when he lands inbetween the containers (I'm using a mod to look around the level a bit more). Did that have a specific reason? Did Muir just threw him across the deck or did he want to carry him?" - For Innes being animated for a bit longer, the simple answer is that our lead animator always plan to show a tiny bit more than what is shown because you never know if an angle might change...

With this I am finally able to somewhat complete my picture of the crewmate rooms. Thank you so much! I am learning so much about this game and how the developers approach the lore. I've never really been in such a community before so this is all very new for me. But a very positive experience (Since I feel extremely awkward asking questions, where I never know if I sound pushy/annoying, so I am often extremely nervous).

But this also means I have another detail to add for my video- Ooohhhh!

[penelopepine]

Little Purple Stars Pt. 2

Part 1 Part 2

Ghost x FemReader x Soap

Content: Soulmate AU, fluff, no angst

Despite having made contact with your soulmates it had taken another 2 weeks before finally being able to meet up in person. They had managed to get in contact with your coach though and the three of you were able to exchange phone numbers.

 It turns out that Sun and Moon, or Johnny and Simon as you know them now, had found each other a while ago. They had just been waiting for you to show yourself; which led you to where you were now. Sitting on a plane making your way to England; to them.

You wished that you could've dropped everything and ran to them, but you needed to stay and cheer on your fellow teammates during their events. That didn't mean you weren't almost constantly talking or texting with them though.

Johnny and Simon talking over the phone matched the way they drew. With Johnny being talkative and open; while Simon was more reserved and added his input when he deemed it necessary. Their voices had initially surprised you, but surprise was soon replaced by butterflies in your chest with the way they said your name. 

Plans were quickly made to meet up as soon as you were able to. Everything was happening so fast, but at the same time not fast enough. 

All throughout the plane ride Johnny and you had been exchanging little doodles; Simon adding his little hearts next to all of them. Making sure to let you know that he was here, and engaged with what you two were doing. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, please remain seated, we are about to land in just a moment." The pilot announced to the plane; it was time.  Time to meet your soulmates. You had a photo of them already, Johnny had sent it on the second day of you three talking to each other saying it was only fair that you know what they look like as well.

The photo has been very cute, you may or may not have made it your phone's screen saver. It was them lying down together with Johnny smiling wide at the camera while Simon's face was partly hidden behind Johnny's head. Leaving you only to see his intense stare and blonde hair.  

You make your way off the plane to the baggage claim making sure to keep an eye out for two certain individuals. It isn't until you spot a giant sign with your name on it surrounded by purple stars do you finally see them. 

Simon is standing stoically, a bouquet of flowers in his hands, and with a plain black face mask covering the bottom half of his face. 

Johnny on the other hand is practically jumping where he stands. He is also holding onto the sign and starts to excitedly shake it once he catches your eyes. "Lass, over here!" He yells as he pats on Simon's shoulder before pointing to where you're currently standing.

You can't help but smile watching them. Doing your best to not all out run to them as they too start to walk towards you.

As soon as you’re in arms reach Johnny drops the signs and picks you up. Spinning the two of you in circles, giggling while holding onto one another. He quickly places you down right in front of Simon.

"These are for you." Simon holds out the flowers for you to take.

"They're beautiful!" You bring the flowers close to your chest smelling them before you hesitantly open your arms out in a hug. It seems that was all Simon needed before he too was pulling you close to his chest; holding you tight. 

"Well done love, winning the gold, we're disappointed we weren't able to be there, but just know we were watching you the whole time."  Simon whispers before he releases you from his grip kneeling down and picking up your bag. Obviously ignoring your remarks about how you can carry your own stuff. 

"Aye let him carry it lass heaven knows once he gets his hands on something he doesn't let go." Johnny says, giving you a wink. 

"Oi don't start with that now Johnny." 

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true Lt." A mischievous grin spreads on his face as he turns to face you, "Simon here might act all big and tough, but I promise ya he's a softie."

 "I'll keep that in mind next time we train MacTavish. Let's see if you still feel that way afterwards." 

In a faux whisper that clearly meant for all to hear Johnny leans into your ear and says, "See what did I tell ya; a softie that one." 

Simon doesn't say anything, simply glares at the other man in front of him.

You couldn't help but laugh at how the two are acting. It's cute to see them bickering with one another; you feel content to just listen to them talk.

Upon hearing you laugh both turn towards you. Simon's eyes lose that glare once making eye contact with you. "I can be soft for you though, love." His hand comes up to caress your check. 

You feel your face become hot as his hand continues to touch you for just a few more moments before pulling away as he looks towards the other. “Johnny, pick up the sign and let’s get out of here.” 

"Aye, let's get you home bonnie! We have the entire day planned out for you; starting with you taking all the relaxation you need. Take a nap, shower, or whatever you need while me and the big guy here make our ice princess a very special meal."

Johnny holds your hand, and Simon has a hand on the small of your back as the three of you make your way out of the airport. 

Home that was a good way to describe what you were feeling right now; you felt like you were home right now standing between the two of them. There was still a lot you had to learn about them, but you would gladly spend a million lifetimes doing so if needed. 

End Notes:

Thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this! It really does mean a lot to me. I plan to start writing more so if anyone has any ideas swing them my way and I'll see what I can do!

[windvexer]

When you first started practicing, did you ever have trouble letting go or forgetting a spell after you did it? I know that obsession can be a spell killer but sometimes I can’t help when my mind wanders and I think of the spell or potential outcomes

When I first started practicing this was one of the first notions I was disabused of. So while I think I recall pondering the concept, especially while I was developing my understanding of manifestation, it's not something I currently believe in.

"Random thoughts that pass through my mind can ruin my magic or cause bad things to happen" is not a magical rule. It's not a law of magical physics under which all magic operates. It's a personal belief that some people choose to adopt.

And in my opinion it's one of the poorer beliefs to adopt, because if we spend like two minutes pondering it, I think we can agree that it's not only a shitty way to treat your own practice, but it also just does not make sense at all.

As far as I can recall, the justification for this belief is that if you think about your own spells, they are "pulled back" towards you, preventing them from being able to go to their destination and carry out the work. In addition to that, perhaps you are "tainting" your spellwork by dragging it down with emotional baggage.

However, all of this is immediately solved if you don't operate on a paradigm that your spells are defenseless blobs power created out of the pure thought and belief.

But even if we do operate on a paradigm that spells are blobs of thought power:

I don't believe there is any reason to think that casual thoughts create real metaphysical connections or "cords" with anything.

I think that believing that any random passing thought you have creates real metaphysical tethers is a harmful brainworm.

Not only do I think it encourages you to treat your own mind as an unsafe space where random thoughts can literally hurt you in a real metaphysical sense, or at least harm your willful efforts towards progress and change,

But I just don't believe it to be true at all, because we don't see the results of it when we apply it to anything verifiable.

For example, we might say that spells are a special circumstance where thinking about them always creates an energetic tether or energetic baggage. Perhaps spells are a special case for the following reasons:

The spell was personally created by you, so there is a special link or connection there which wouldn't exist for other things.

Spells exist in nonphysical state, which is more susceptible to being warped by random thoughts being "attached" to them.

If these things are true, then I believe the following would also have to be true:

Literally everything you've ever created has a special link to you that will be pulled towards you every time you randomly think about it, which means if you've ever knit something and then lost it, simply thinking about it will automatically draw the object towards you, such objects perhaps even returning into your life years or decades later because you created them and sometimes thought about them.

Other things you've created which only exist in nonphysical states, like original characters, are susceptible to being warped and losing their true form if you randomly think about them in ways that don't correspond to canon. In other words, you will not be able to control the canon of that character because random thoughts automatically change what you've intentionally worked towards. Which... we know isn't true. You can choose the canon for your characters and it stays that way no matter what little AUs you randomly think of them being in.

And this isn't even to mention that even if an energetic cord does exist, there is no particular reason to think the cord has a drawing or magnetic effect.

And, this also doesn't address the idea that spells aren't necessarily like sponges. There is no reason, in my point of view, to assume that a random spell will automatically absorb any energy sent to it at all.

In fact, I believe that spells often tend to have quite reactive and self-protective natures.

Go on a thought experiment with me here, Anon:

We cast a distance protection spell for our friend. It's our intent to send our friend very warm, cozy, guardianship energies. The spell is created out of our intent and willpower, and perhaps some raised energy, and we send it on it's way.

Then randomly the next day we accidentally start thinking about the spell, and how good it will be to help our friend get out of that "cold," unsafe situation they're in.

So, working on this paradigm, we would assume that thinking about someone we care about automatically hurts our efforts to help them, which again I can't point out enough how weird I think that is, but also,

We would have to assume that our warm protection spell is somehow easily susceptible to feelings of doubt and danger, when it's literal purpose is to melt away and transform those feelings and realities.

So we'd have to believe that our spell is so weak that a few random thoughts that it is designed to overcome can "kill" it.

Which leads us to the next point, would we assume that our random thoughts would have the power to affect a well-cast spell?

I mean, not at you directly Anon, but how weak are we assuming the spell is that all the steps we did to cast it (like.... grounding, entering trance state, raising energy, charging candles, chanting, praying, releasing energy, making offerings of thanksgiving) are literally going to be overwhelmed by randomly thinking, "awwh dang, I hope the spell ends up manifesting this certain outcome, that would be really cool if it did."

Like, if we're saying that the power of random thoughts can control, influence, and dismantle metaphysical energies with almost no effort on our part whatsoever, then what is the point of ever "casting a spell?"

Under this exact same logic, you should just be able to randomly think about what you desire coming to pass, and links will automatically be created to it to pull it towards you, and those energies of desire will have *as much power as an actual spell* to bring it to you.

I mean, if this is all true, why would anyone ever learn how to reverse a spell? All they'd have to do is think random thoughts about a prior spell to eliminate it.

None of this very much even touches on the idea that if you use a separate spellcasting paradigm, none of this is relevant at all.

Suppose you summon a spirit and pay it to carry out a task. The spirit is a real entity that exists independently of you. The spell is not a blob of your mental energy encoded towards a purpose; it's an entity who's going to act on your behalf.

Are we now saying that your random thoughts count as a clear psychic link to entities and they are watching you 100% of the time and interpreting your random thoughts as new spell instructions?

Because in my experience, once you've set those guys on a task, it actually kind of doesn't matter what you think - they're going to do what you asked unless you specifically call them back to the ritual space and ask them to do something else, which they might not even agree to do.

Or another method perhaps - devotional faith. You pray to a god and complete earnest devotional rituals in pursuit of some particular manifestation.

So, your thoughts have the power to control or dismantle that god's efforts? Or, the god watched you perform that special ritual night after night, and then is randomly like "lmao well this morning she idly wondered what the outcome might be so fuck her, I'm not doing it then"?

In the greater scheme of things, Anon, I actually think it's quite difficult to accidentally ruin spells just by pondering the outcomes that might occur, or to have personal doubt, or even to feel very anxious and worried and filled with disbelief.

And regardless of how easy or hard it is, I encourage you to avoid adopting spellcasting "rules" which by default make your own mind an unsafe space for your magic.

[respectthepetty]

For me - I really hope Yuan is super super petty in the upcoming episodes because……from his point of view, surely it feels like Quan cut him out of his life SO EASILY. I would be all “ I suffered for 4 years while I was away and what did you do?!”

I know Yuan will be grown up and all understanding and what ever - but I think everything Quan is GOING to say about his friend and his sister will be affirmation enough about their “brother bond”

I also neeeeeed San Ping to eat his own words because……boy, how is what you have with Lilli different? Every excuse you’re about to give - no wonder Yuan is in the back with his popcorn!

It’s been so long since I’ve watched a show that I have WANTED the ness, the angst and the pain!!!

I am sorry to disappoint you but I have NOT been paying attention to colours, so you have really been helping me through this one!

Anon, I can't believe I, the pettiest person, am about to write this:

I want Yuan to be better than me.

I want him to be petty for five seconds, then I need him to be nice to Qian.

Normally, I'd be advocating for the main character to make his love interest suffer, but unlike all these other BL boys who make dumb decisions and force a separation from their loved one that doesn't make sense, Qian makes sense.

Qian was abused as a child by his mother. Physically (and sexually).

Qian put his life on the line for his siblings because he fully considers them to be his siblings.

Qian was at a work event when Yuan confessed.

Qian sees himself as a parental figure, so if Yuan has feelings for him, what did Qian do to evoke those feelings form Yuan? He was worried about Lili wearing a red shirt and going out, so what is Qian's internal conflict now that Yuan forced a kiss on him? Is he somehow his mother? Someone who was supposed to care for him yet abused him.

Even if Qian could see Yuan as something other than a brother, Yuan has endless possibilities at his feet. Qian specifically stated he didn't want Yuan running home to take care of him because Qian knows Yuan has a future . . . if he isn't always taking care of Qian.

And even if Qian could see a future with them, Yuan was drunk, at his job, during an important event. This is the thinnest argument because we know Yuan was sick and upset, but Qian is stoic and compartmentalizes, so Yuan's emotional outburst, like that, about that, THERE?! I don't carry Qian's baggage, yet I would have been so much worse to Yuan.

So how does a man with that level of trauma deal with any of this? He cares. That's obvious. But how much can he care and in what ways? Someone else already wrote about Qian having NO romantic partners or even shown to have romantic interest. Does a movie star count? No. It's safe. It's distant. He doesn't have to do anything.

He hugs the toilet more than he hugs Lili.

He made it clear to San Pang that Yuan was hugging him in bed not the other way around.

And yet Qian's immediate reaction to knowing Yuan was in front of him was to touch him.

And yet after getting the shit beat out of him, Qian comforted Yuan.

I live for petty ass shit. It's my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus midnight snack. But it would hurt my heart if Yuan carried on his petty shenanigans to the point that Qian doubted Yuan's love or the feelings he has begun to develop in Yuan's absence.

Qian needed time, and he got it. Now, Qian needs to know that whatever he is beginning to feel isn't wrong.

Yuan can be petty to San Pang all day every day because San Pang can handle it. He has two loving parents who have rental properties. He has a girlfriend who is a hardworking model. He has a swing in his office.

But Qian?

He only had his brother and his sister.

And, somehow, with that confession, they are both gone.

[sunset-sprinkles]

Love next door , EP 2

"Always knew what love means-" is what rings in my mind when I see through all of Seung-hyo's action. There's a gleam of love in his eyes in all the moments he looks at her and the reason no one around him probably gets it - because oh bickering is their love language. And you wouldn't know people fighting for each other's lives would actually be falling in love with eachother but also it's most likely they would.

"Hate - 미움" is how the episode is titled and you think why it is? It's because what seems like hate is actually love that has been trampled by situations.

"Hate has its own satellites. Your high expectations, your faith and fondness for a certain person are all interconnected. But when any of these elements leave their orbit or retrograde it can turn into hate" ~Seung-hyo

It was about mending relationships showing the light how there's a thin line between hate and love - why they are the strongest emotions we feel towards anyone.

We all get Mi-sook's trauma right? She hasn't been the best but it's all response to a societal baggage she has been carrying around. "What if I haven't done enough for myself - my daughter will do it !!" - this is where asian mothers fall weak it's to understand your expectations shouldn't turn into a baggage for your child to the limit they fail to express what concerns them. All Seokryu ever wanted from her mother was to stand by her side when she needed the most - as children would look upto their parents to love them the way they are and not hold them as a trophy of achievement or as the compensation of what they themselves couldn't achieve.

While Seung-hyo's emotions are a bit more transparent to us -Seokryu's are not. And in my eyes she has been holding onto a lot more emotions we can't see through - because there is a complexity in her character that comes out as bossy and chaotic but is vulnerable and over burdened with expectations and responsibilities. And you know who knows her the best right!!!!

Though I feel Seung-hyo is an equally hidden and complex character when it's comes to his own emotions but transparent only when it comes to be with her [ofcourse].

Something healed in all of us when he said : "Don't force yourself to laugh when you want to cry". It's something we all want to hear when we are breaking down and still trying to smile through, for what ? Just so people don't see how weak we are , how much we want to cry and hold onto someone. Showing emotions do not make you weak specially to the people who care about you!!

Seung-hyo knew when he had to be by her side - so effortless and comforting. Isn't that the base of childhood friendships- someone who can see through what you feel and brings you to a position where you actually freely express what you are going through.

Umbrella - sometimes symbolised love and sometimes the shield. He let go off her shield and let her get drenched in the rain - let her cry out all she has been holding out , pouring down along with the rain all the emotions she had been hiding in the facade of a smile.

"WHEN YOU KNOW YOU KNOW"- we all know , we all can recall that smile he gave when he got to know she wasn't getting married . We know when he followed her to the park to make her feel better- we know when he brought one umbrella to share , when he closed it to let her cry out, when he rearranged her room like it used to be , when he put the stars she loved on the ceiling, when he shifted close to her just to be by her side. Only two episodes out and I think this episode is already my favorite!!

I don't know if it meant that there's only a thin line between hate and love and therefore it does take only one moment to change it. But I do feel it also meant the things changing between them , between those two windows- between those two friends- it's crazily well shown ❤️‍🩹😭

And here comes my favourite scene with these lines playing in my mind -" If you could see that I am the one who understands you, been here all the time so why can't you see it, you belong with mee...yeah!!"

In my concluding lines, we all feel that why does Seukryu not get what he means , why doesn't she see the same thing we are seeing. But let me tell you SHE DOES! She does see it , she does care for it- but for the complexity and baggage she carries maybe this resides in her subconscious self only and it will take time for her to realise it. To all the times he looked for her , she looked out for him too- she asked him too if he was doing okay.. all because she wanted him to be part of everything she did then and now .

[cherryblossomchronicles]

Bae Seok-Ryu and Song Hyeon-Jun

I am surprised by the turn writers took for their relationship. It’s such a copout to make him cheat on her after the cancer detection and make a villain out of him - an easy thing to do too.

But.

The writers chose to show us the nuanced version of how you can just drift apart, of how you can be unsuitable for each other without it being anyone’s fault.

Hyeon-Jun loved Seok-Ryu with everything he got - he supported her, put his life on hold, held her hands while she was dealing with this new curve the life threw at her. He never faltered in his care for her when she had surgery or was even going through the chemotherapy. In fact, he was her pillar of strength and someone who believed that she would overcome this hurdle of life as well and come out of the other side as a champion. He would have happily continued to support Seok-Ryu for as long as she wants but where it all fell apart was that he, alone, had to bear the burden of looking after her.

One of the first things I was taught as a psychologist was the importance of a proper support system. It was emphasized that I can never or rather should never put the burden of all my physical, emotional and social needs on one person. It is no one’s duty to carry that baggage for us. We all have a different person who fulfills the need for a different part of our personality. Maybe there is someone specific you go to have deep, existential level of conversation or someone else altogether when you want a good session of bitching about someone to just vent it all out. Someone to go on hike with, someone to take you down the nostalgia lane or even someone who’s hug could make you forget everything else in the world. All these someones are different people in our life.

What happened with Seok-Ryu and Hyeon-Jun was the lack of support system and the vacuum it created because of Seok-Ryu’s decision. I am not blaming her for not telling anyone else in the support system about her illness (that beast will be tackled later) but her decision of keeping the fact from everyone and his decision of respecting that was the point where the first crack came in their relationship. And even then, he held fast for her treatment for stomach cancer. What threw an unexpected curveball in the entire scenario was the depression Seok-Ryu had to deal with. When everything was finally making sense and going back to how it was, Seok-Ryu’s depression made them take four steps back.

“If you drag me down with you to the bottom, are you going to stop then?”

It is extremely emotionally and mentally exhausting to take care of someone who faces ailments such as cancer or depression. Having to do so without there being anyone else who could give you a break to sort out your own emotions is exhausting. Hyeon-Jun was just a victim of caretaker burnout. Yes, he shouldn’t have said those words to Seok-Ryu - they were the final nail in coffin of their relationship. But I can’t blame him for saying that even if had meant to (which he didn’t). He was trying his best to be understanding and supportive like a good partner should be but even the best trained caretaker would feel the resentment creeping in if they were the one and only support system of someone. And Hyeon-Jun?  He was just a normal human being trying and not being enough.

“You really tried your best. I know that better than anyone.”

As Seok-Ryu said, he was not at fault, but cancer did change her life. She will always worry about remission; she will always worry about her tomorrow and Hyeon-Jun was not equipped to handle that. She doesn’t fault him for it, but she also knows that they both can’t continue to live like that. He might still love her, she might have some lingering feeling for him, but love cannot be enough for them to last.

[fantasiawandering]

I've been struggling a bit lately and could use some advice from the hivemind. It deals with a lot of the emotional baggage I've been trying to carry lately, so I'm putting it under a cut if you're not in the headspace for that sort of thing right now.

So the relevant backstory: Dad was in love with Mum since high school, and when she died, he went to pieces. My sister, who'd been living at home, helping take care of Mum through the cancer, basically put her grief on hold to keep Dad going through the next six months. Then, on the way home from Mum's memorial six months after her death, he told my sister he was seeing someone. He met her at work when he returned from bereavement leave. Now, I do understand this is a man who never learned how to handle his own emotions. He'd always had my grandmother, then my mother, to manage them for him. But in the next year, he did pretty much everything he could to drive both of his children away for a woman who bailed on him the moment the going got tough. Without getting into too much detail, my sister checked into an institution a while back because she was having some pretty dark thoughts about her own life, and her triggers were feeling like a burden to the family. Mum assured her she wasn't, and that she'd always have a home as long as she needed it. But as soon as that woman moved in and Dad didn't need my sister anymore, he started emotionally abusing and berating my sister, telling her what a burden she was every day until she had no choice but to leave. This was in the middle of the lockdowns. My sister landed with one of the greatest people in the world, and they're living in poverty but relatively happy. Because of this, Dad has convinced himself that not only did he do nothing wrong, he was actually a great Dad, making sure his disabled child developed independence.

But after multiple infections thanks to the woman he was living with (who believed that COVID was "just the sniffles" and vaccines were poison, and as long as they drank colloidal silver they'd be fine), Dad now believes he's developing dementia. His doctor thinks it's actually "pseudodementia," which apparently is mental health related. But Dad watched his mother lost to Alzheimer's and nothing scares him more. And the second colloidal silver and celery juice didn't cure him, the woman he'd moved into the house bounced.

Now Dad's scared. And he's been pressuring us to move in with him to take care of him. My sister will never trust him or put herself in that position again, and I'm of the same mind. He used to do similar to me when I lived there. Meanwhile, I'm still sick with a mystery disease that has no cure yet. I've got GP who actually believes in Long COVID, and a series of specialists I can get to in under 20 minutes. They're basically hacking away at the hydra heads of my symptoms until modern medicine figures out where the heart is. I'm still very much disabled. If I get ANY infection, my immune system goes berserk and starts doing the equivalent of firing a bazooka into a crowd in hopes of hitting whatever is off. I'm just coming off of about 2 months of throwing up at least once a day from the havoc it's wreaked on my digestive system. I can barely take care of myself, let alone another person, and if I moved three hours away to a small town with no public transit, at a time when there's a provincial crisis and NOBODY can find a new GP, not only would I lose my health network, but I'd be essentially housebound in a way I'm not in the city. I also know that I physically cannot handle a three-hour commute either way on days when I have to go in to work, so moving in would involve giving up the career I've been working toward for twenty years.

For all of these reasons, I said no. His siblings are coming at me with varying degrees of "it's your filial duty." None of them really understand just how sick I actually am, but I also don't think that would change things. And I feel guilty. Despite knowing that moving into a place with no infection control could make me bedbound or worse, and that I can't afford to be without a GP or a medical team, I feel like I've failed somehow. I love my Dad. But I can't take care of him and keep myself healthy at the same time. I've been doing what I can from here since he first started feeling like he was losing it. Every other day, I call him and read him a chapter of Sherlock Holmes, and he's told the rest of the family how much he enjoys it. And sometimes it's exhausting to read for that long, but I do it because he needs me and it's something I CAN do. I've also offered to help with his banking and things, but he's turned me down whenever I offer.

Now, since I said no, Dad has said that he wants to sell his house and move into a care community, and that what's holding him back is knowing if he did, there'd be nothing left for me and my sister when he's gone. And I don't think that's an attempt at manipulation, I genuinely believe he's concerned, because he knows how much we both struggle currently. But honestly, neither one of us was counting on getting anything anyway, and as much as we're still deeply hurt by what he did (he also threw my mother's remains away and then informed us in an add-on to an email forward, which broke me in a way I've never been broken before, and when my sister called him out on it, HE got mad and said "it was none of your business, this was between a husband and his wife."), we still want him safe and not alone and scared. We've both told him as much, and that neither of us are the kind of people who'd be sitting around going "raaah, how dare he spend our inheritance! Who does he think he is taking care of himself?"

But it's not an easy thing to deal with, especially given that I'm the one he's leaning on hardest -- I think even he realized he didn't just burn the bridge with my sister, he nuked it from orbit. I've been crying on and off for the last three days. And I don't know how to get myself out of it. Anyway, if you've made it this far, thank you. And yeah, that's what I'm dealing with as I try to drag myself out of this funk. So here's where the advice part comes in. I've been reflecting on a lot of things, and one of the conclusions I've come to is I need something to DO. I fill my days when I'm not working with movies and playing video games with my sister, but I think I need a physical hobby. Something to do with my hands. Something that lets me create things.

I've had to put a lot of what I used to do on hold. My brain still hasn't healed enough to write reliably. I started knitting, but COVID did something to my eyes, and when I look at the knitting for more than a minute or two, the rest of the world goes blurry and I can't see clearly again for another thirty minutes. I have similar problems with the beadwork I used to do. Anything that involves leaving the house is iffy due to my health, so it's got to be something I can do from home. So. Any ideas? What brings you joy?