#while I ate

[blairswldorfs]

did not expect my dad to get hooked on Spinning Out of all tv shows

[inkskinned]

i got rickrolled today but it didn't work because i have adblocker installed, so youtube just told me i violated the terms of service. yesterday i was trying to edit a picture as a joke for my girlfriend, and google made me check a box to prove i'm human because i wasn't "searching normally".

it isn't just that capitalism is killing fun and whimsy, it is that any element of entertainment or joy is being fed upon by this mosquito body, one that will suck you dry at any vulnerability.

do you want to meet new friends in your city? download this app, visit our website, sign up for our email list. pay for this class on making a terrarium, on candlemaking, on cooking. it will be 90 dollars a session. you can go to group fitness, but only under our specific gym membership. solve the puzzle, sign up for our puzzle-of-the-month-club. what is a club if not just a paid opportunity - you are all paying for the same thing, which makes you a community.

but you're like me, i know it - you're careful, you try the library meetings and the stuff at the local school and all of that. the problem is that you kind of want really specific opportunities that used to exist. you are so grateful for libraries and the publicly-funded things: they are, however, an exception - and everything they have, they've fought tooth-and-nail to protect. you read a headline about how in many other states, libraries have virtually nothing left.

do you want to meet up with your friends afterwards? gift your friends the discord app. you can choose to go to a cafe (buy a coffee, at least), a bar (money, alcohol) or you can all stay in and catch a movie (streaming) or you can all stay in bed (rent. don't get me started) and scream (noise complaint. ticket at least).

you want to read a new book, but the book has to have 124 buzzwords from tiktok readers that are, like, weirdly horny. you can purchase this audiobook on audible! your podcast isn't on spotify, it's on its own server, pay for a different site. fuck, at least you're supporting artists you like. the art museum just raised their ticket price. once, they had a temporary exhibit that acknowledged that ~85% of their permanent art galleries were from cis white men, and that they had thousands of works by women (even famous women, like frida! georgia o'keefe!) just rotting in their basement. that exhibit lasted for 3 months and then they put everything away again.

walmart proudly supports this strip of land by the street! here are some flowers with wilting leaves. its employees have to pay out-of-pocket for their uniforms. my friend once got fined by the city because she organized a community pick-up of the riverfront, which was technically private property.

no, you cannot afford to take that dance class, neither can i. by the way - i'm a teacher. i'm absolutely not saying "educators shouldn't be paid fairly." i'm saying that when i taught classes, renting a studio went from 20 bucks an hour to 180 in the span of 6 months. no significant changes to the studio were made, except they now list the place as updated and friendly. the heat still doesn't work in the building. i have literally never seen the landlord who ignores my emails. recently they've been renting it out at night as an "unusual nightclub; a once-in-a-lifetime close-knit party." they spent some of those 180 dollars on LEDs and called it renovating. the high heels they invite in have been ruining the marley.

do you want to experience the old internet? do you want to play flash games or get back the temporary joy of club penguin? you can, you just need to pay for it. i have a weird, neurodivergent obsession with occasionally checking in to watch the downfall and NFT-ification of neopets. if i'm honest with you all - i never got into webkins, my family didn't have the money to buy me a pointless elephant. people forget that "being poor" can mean literally "if i buy you that toy, i can't afford rent."

you and i don't have time to make good food, and we don't have the budget for it. we are not gonna be able to host dinner parties, we're not made of money, kid. do you want some kind of 3rd space? a space that isn't home or work or school? you could try being online, but - what places actually exist for you? tiktok counts as social media because you see other people on it, not because they actually talk to you.

there was a local winter tradition of sledding down the hill at my school. kids would use pizza boxes and jackets and whatever worked, howling and laughing. back in september, they made a big announcement that this time, rules were changing, and everyone must pay 10 dollars to participate. when im not scared shitless, i kind of appreciate the environmental irony - it hasn't gone below 40. so much for snow & joyriding.

i saw a bulletin for a local dogwalking group and, nervous about making a good first impression, showed up early. the first guy there grimaced at me. "sorry," he said. "there's a 30-dollar buy-in fee." i thought he was joking. wait. for what? the group doesn't offer anything except friendship and people with whom to walk around the city.

he didn't know the answer. just shrugged at me. "you know," he said. "these days, everything costs money."

[notherpuppet]

Morning After

Part 2/4

Part 1 | Part 3

[roipecheur]

The only thing you need to know about Tim becoming Robin is that he's the protagonist of a horse girl movie and Batman is the horse.

[xx-sketchy-xx]

LOOOK, LOOK WHAT MY MOTHER MADE FROM CAKE. AAAAAAAAAA-

[0-cloud-puff-0]

For @asherraccoon ‘s actor au!

[leclercari]

So you are a nice guy? Just not so much to me.

Gabriel Leone as Ayrton Senna and Matt Mella as Alain Prost in SENNA (2024)

[frownyalfred]

there is something absolutely hilarious about a Bruce who is somewhat new to Batman but entirely new to parenting being told he needs to "lead by example" by Alfred when it comes to Dick, and that somehow includes modeling eating vegetables at every dinner. except Bruce has been drinking fuck-ass protein-maxed smoothies for every meal for the last 1-2 years so he has to (awkwardly) eat his first piece of truly solid food in several months at the fancy dinner table, with Alfred serving everything, and with Dick sitting off to the side with wide eyes.

Bruce, delicately chewing on a single piece of broccoli he's speared to his fork: "Mhhhhm. See? Tasty, chum! Have some."

Dick: "You’re being weird."

Bruce, still chewing and trying desperately not to make a face: "What? Of course not. Alfred—"

Alfred, who knows Bruce will be paying for this later in the bathroom: "Perfectly normal, sir."

[midoristeashop]

Long car trips mean hunch over my ipad and film dumb stupid videos in restaurants at 11pm 😍 (future me screw u idk if it’s shaky also do not perceive me)

(That one vine)

Also have the things

[beansnpeets]

Thinking about human behaviour compared to animal behaviour again.

It's funny to hear people (the older gens) complaining that "kids these days are lazy, they don't wanna work, etc." What do we get for busting our asses? There is no reward. Many will never own homes. Many are unemployed, trying to find work, and nobody will hire them because they don't have a million years experience and a masters degree OR they want people to work for minimum wage??? People are giving up because there is no reward. Why would we do all this for nothing?

Same as a dog that won't recall when you haven't reinforced it with a reward. Your dog isn't going to do what you tell it to if there is no incentive. No, your dog SHOULDN'T listen just because you're boss and it should respect you. That isn't how it works. They don't think that way. And honestly neither do people.

When we went hiking Sprocket wasn't always taking treats gently from me when I recalled her or she checked in and I rewarded and my one friend told me to stop giving her treats. I told him I won't work for free so why should she. And he said "I do things for free all the time because I want to do them," and I didn't say it then, but I wish I had, but if you like doing it, that's the incentive. It's a self-rewarding behaviour. Just like anything else a dog does, like chasing a squirrel or sniffing things or getting into the trash. Heeling instead of going off to sniff stuff or recalling off of something they want to chase is something you have to reinforce. You have to give them something better so they make the choice you want them to make. They won't make it just because they *respect* you. They won't willingly recall off of exciting prey out of RESPECT. You need to give them a tangible reward for that. You cannot possibly expect your dog to listen just because and then punish them for disobeying you.

Yeah, Sprocket bit my fingers a couple times. The one time pretty hard. But she was excited. She knows how to take gently and I reminded her and she tried very hard to be gentle most of the time. I wasn't going to stop rewarding her for checking in with me and recalling while we were off leash hiking in the woods. I want her to know that coming back to me is good and in the event of an emergency I would like her to not blow me off.

[crumb]

SAW 2004 | dir. James Wan

[yrsonpurpose]

Mary & George (2024) Episode 3 'Not So Much as Love as by Awe'

[coraniaid]

Buffy the Vampire Slayer was famously pitched as a subversion of the horror cliche of a young woman walking into an alleyway only to be killed by a monster. What if, the show asked, the young woman turned around and killed the monster? What if she was the thing that monsters have nightmares about?

For the spin-off series Angel -- a "darker" and "more complex" show, as its creators love to describe it -- the writers decided to further subvert the premise. What if, they asked this time, a young woman walked into an alleyway, only to be saved from a monster by a handsome, brooding man? What if the young woman was pregnant? What if the handsome man didn't actually save her, but he felt really bad about her death and brooded extra hard about it for the rest of the episode? (Maybe the monster had lawyers -- everyone hates defense lawyers, right? -- and maybe he could threaten to kill them!) What if the young woman was pregnant? Or what if she was the monster, and so he had to kill her and then feel really bad about it? And what if she was pregnant? Wouldn't that be terrifying? What if there was a young woman and she got pregnant and became monstrous and died, and a stoic brooding man who didn't like to talk about his feelings sat in his office and felt sad about it?

[shootingthe-stars]

might let him make her juno

[salemwasnteverhere]

༒︎𝔜𝔞𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔢 ℜ𝔞𝔯𝔦𝔨𝔞! 𝔵 𝔉𝔢𝔪!ℜ𝔢𝔞𝔡𝔢𝔯༒︎

𝐴𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑠 𝑁𝑜𝑡𝑒: 𝐼𝑣𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖ℎ𝑒𝑑 𝑒𝑙𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑤𝑖𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖𝑚 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑟𝑒. 𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒�� 𝑎 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑅𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑘𝑎 𝑜𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑝𝑝 (;´༎ຶٹ༎ຶ`)

Ps this is kinda shitty since I just had an edible

SFW

Ever since you were a young girl, you had this effect on people.

Family were more protective of you and friends didn't want to be far from you for long

Turning into a young woman only made it worse.

While you didn't live with family anymore, your neighbors were too nosy and your friends would argue over who hung out with you that day

Of course, you were oblivious to this. You were oblivious to everything.

You left your village at age 23 when a giant ran through and killed nearly everyone.

It's the lands in between what did you expect?

But you got on a horse with all your belongings in a bag and made your way to the erdtree.

You didn't have a goal, hell you didn't even have a map, but it seemed as if the erdtree beckoned you to it.

You got to Limgrave and explored, making friends with a few tarnished. Such nice people if you ignore the smell of death.

Do they wash? Apparently not.

Then you got to Stormveil Castle untouched.

Margit stopped you, of course, thinking you were another tarnished. But when he saw you it was like someone spoke to him.

So he stepped aside and let you pass. You walked right through the front gate, no one looked at you and they didn't dare touch you.

You were confused but grateful to get through the castle quicker.

Liurnia was so big you kinda got dizzy.

Things here were more hostile than you thought and sneaking past them was harder. But you managed.

I would get into the nitty-gritty of how you got to the capital but would you read all of that?

Let's say you finally got to the capital.

At first, you think it's beautiful and you're so excited to explore.

Next thing you know your running from foot soldiers yelling about Marika and Radagons consort.

After that, you hid in an alleyway to catch your breath when you got the shit knocked out of you.

Well good news cause you woke up in a plush bed wearing clothing that covered what it needed.

A white dress that had leg slits, the top connected to a gold clasp around your neck.

You noticed your head was laid on something hard and warm.

Sitting up you see Lord Radagon himself laying next to you.

He was asleep and his long red hair was spread on the pillows.

One of his arms was wrapped around your waist and the other hand was under his head.

You, being the oblivious dumbass you are, saw nothing of the situation and laid back down.

:3 <==== you

And when you woke up it was Marika.

You tried to be polite. Called her 'my queen', tried bowing, but she shushed you and pulled you close.

She explained how she and Radagon were both there, sharing a body, sharing you.

And who would say no to riches, safety, mind-blowing sex, and basically anything you want?

NSFW

Didn't take long for them to get handy with you.

I mean your first day with them Marika had already cupped your breasts while sleeping. An accident she said.

But it's not like you were against it. The two of them were so attractive, so attending and so teasing that you found yourself dripping just by talking to one of them.

Now who had you first? Trick question it was both.

There you were on the bed, naked and sprawled out with Radagon eating you out.

His mouth was skilled and he knew every spot to suck and flick.

Marika was the one whose hand caressed your breasts, squeezing and kneading them with a tender touch.

It was only after you came twice on his tongue that Radagon finished slid into you.

His cock was perfect, practically made for you.

It hit every spot and his tip pressed to your cervix.

His thrusts were gentle and intense at first, easing you in and stretching you out.

Marika spoke from him, praising you and coddling you.

"Our angel."

"Just like that, lift your hips up pretty."

"Don't hold back, let us hear you."

"Yes. Say our names just like that..."

Radagon groaned when you wrapped your legs around his waist and your arms around his chest.

His thrusts got harder, faster, his movement more primal that anything else.

He wouldn't break you, but he would destroy you.

He practically lifted you off the bed, driving into you.

The room was filled with skin slapping and your cries of ecstasy, not to mention Marika cooing when you clawed at Radagons back and did like 2 damage.

Your orgasm came first, blinding white light clouded your vision as you squirt all over Radagons cock, your head falling back.

Radagon groaned as he came, stuffing your cunt full of his cum.

If you get pregnant then they'll have to expand the family tree.

Marika has too many damn kids.

Anyways :3

This was your first time with them so they didn't want to push you too far.

[linoyes]

© immiks