#which. thanks dad i can tell ur used to managing anxiety

[mars-ipan]

was super overwhelmed earlier trying to schedule out my meds bc i have 6 new prescriptions plus my standard home meds i’m trying to keep track of. took a nap which helped and i’m less freaked out now but i am for sure still waugh frazzled

[petesvodka]

doubt

request from anon - hey! i love ur writing so much 🥺

i was wondering if u could do something fluffy with pete as a dad?thank u so much💟

word count - 900

warnings - i don't believe there to be any :)

pairing - dad!pete x mom!reader

a.n. - i cannot tell you how much time i spent writing and deleting and rewriting only to delete that too lmao. i dunno, maybe im just overthinking shit, but the only way for me to know for sure is with criticisms! so please, please, please if you have any thoughts on this story after reading it, let me know <3

pete's definitely fallen out of the habit in recent years, but he used to always be an early riser.

he loved telling you his favorite things about the morning, how he embraces the way the earth seems to shake off the night and stretch into the warm hope of the day. how he always meant to personify the night and day but never managed to string a sentence together sound right enough to put to paper.

you'd laugh gently and tell him he was never one for cliches, because there isn’t a single writer alive who hasn’t tried to bring that battle to life. he'd just smile and shake his head, look back towards the city, and begin to walk as he twirled a piece of brittle grass between his fingers.

but all of that was so long ago, you realize. a sweet memory, ivy-held in a long-forgotten cavern of your mind.

in more recent times, pete stays up late to care for the baby while you rest. he assures you he likes it better this way, having sealed his promise with a warm kiss.

"i think of it like lil adventures between me n' the kid, y'know?" he'd tells you with a smile plastered on his face. seeing the way he had smiled and the way his eyes had flickered with happiness, you knew to believe him, to believe that he was genuinely enjoying the late nights shared between just him and the baby.

late nights where pete would sing or hum various different songs while driving, chasing after the moon through forest-lined roads with the baby in the back. car rides always seemed to lull the baby to sleep. even when the pain from teething overwhelmed them both, when the baby would wail in distress and pete could feel his heart shattering within his chest, driving was always the immediate go-to to soothe the both of them.

slightly later on in life, when the baby has sprouted into a toddler, pete found himself commonly walking to the closet to retrieve paints and papers, never bothering to bring brushes.

the two of them loved finger painting and, while you weren't exactly in love with the mess paint-covered hands had the tendency to create, you loved watching them and the way they interacted.

plus, more often than not, you'd end up with a specially-made piece of art from both of your loves, which usually more than made up for whatever mess ended up at your kitchen table. he was always so, so gentle, which was to be expected given he thought of your child as the most precious thing his hands have held, although you do come in at a very close second.

when the baby reaches preschooler age, they become obsessed with all things animal-related, meaning the three of you often find yourselves spending family-time at the zoo, where pete finds joy in reading aloud the descriptions of the animals to a pair of very eager-to-learn ears sat up high on his shoulders, where they could better see whichever animal in its encloser.

there are nights, however, when the moon is high and the kid is fast asleep, where pete is quiet as he expresses his uncertainties of fatherhood to you.

he tells you parenting books can only take you so far, which you can't help but agree with. there's never going to be a book that perfectly prepares you for all things parenthood, that you're both sure of.

but having lost his father at such a young age, there's this "instilled insecurity" as he calls it, where he remains unsure of whether or not he's being a good dad, almost constantly doubting his parenting skills.

you take his hand gently into your own, beginning to explain away some of your own uncertainties, reminding him that he's not alone in this.

within an instant, something simply flicks on in his brain and he lunges at the chance to tell you what a truly amazing mother you are; how endlessly you amaze him with your ability to soothe and settle your kid- even on the most restless of nights, how you always seem to have a solution to whatever issue may arise, how lucky your kid is to have you as a mother and how lucky and thankful he is to have you as a partner- you have to kiss him to shut him up, otherwise he'd go on all night about how wonderful of a mother and partner you are.

when you tell him that he just put to words exactly how you feel about him, his mind and heart settle some. he knows you're right; knows he can trust the words you speak and that he can find genuine security in them.

the anxiety and fear of being a bad father will most likely always haunt his mind, but as long as he has you to help chase away the doubt, he knows things will be alright. after all, he knows with you around, how could things be anything but?

[headheartbellarke]

HOME | Charlie Gillespie

Requested by anon:  "Hi! If request are open can you do a charlie imagine where him and the reader (she/her) met on a project a while back and have been friends for a while, but the reader kinda had a crappy home life so she gets overwhelmed by charlies family being so loving and perfect and she basically breaks down and feels like she doesn’t fit in and isn’t good enough for him? please and thank you so much, ur writing is amazing!!!"

PAIRING(s): Charlie Gillespie x fem! reader

WARNING(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, anxiety, angst, fluff

WORDS: 2,036

SUMMARY: charlie takes co-star and girlfriend y/n home for christmas but that leads to self doubt in her (im so bad at these) [note: this takes place in 2021]

    As Charlie pulls out the key from the ignition, I sigh, wringing my hands nervously. He unbuckles his seatbelt and faces me, giving me a bright, happy smile.

  “My family is so excited to meet you.” He says, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “What if they hate me?” I whisper.

  My boyfriend, Charlie, and I first met on the set of Charmed – we were both in the first episode, but I left it after that due to scheduling conflicts with my other show, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina. I had been a part of CAOS since its first episode – I played the role of Sabrina’s cousin, Sarah Spellman.

  Back then, we were just friends. After I left Charmed, we would text and call each other occasionally. Whenever we were in the same city, we would meet up – but that was hard considering we both had quite different lives. So, we didn’t think of each other as more than friends – sure I thought that he was attractive, but that’s it.

  But, in 2020, after CAOS was cancelled, I got a call from the casting director of Julie and The Phantoms: she was the one who had previously cast me in CAOS, and she believed that I’d be perfect for the role of Julie’s British cousin who joins her school after her parents relocate to LA – I also play Reggie’s love interest.

  I texted Charlie immediately after my manager finalized all the details for the new role. He had been excited and when shooting started in 2021, we were pretty inseparable.

  After a few weeks, I had developed a major crush on him ad the rest of the cast had also picked up on that. They were also convinced that Charlie liked me (which I didn’t believe at that time but later found out that it was, indeed, true) and they used to tease us about it all the time. Finally, a couple weeks before production ended, he asked me out on a date and it’s been really, really great so far.

  We’ve been dating for about nine months now and honestly, he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He’s my home – all my life I’ve always felt lost, but I feel like I truly belong with him.

  Now, he laughs. “Baby. I promise you – they already love you. My mother’s been bugging me to bring you home ever since we started dating, and you’ve already met Megan, and she loves you.”

  “If you say so.” I say, still not convinced.

  He grins and we get out of his car and face his childhood home. I take a deep breath, shaking off my nerves. He knocks three times on the front door, and it opens immediately after.

  A petite, blonde woman steps out, with a wide smile on her face. She opens her arms as Charlie yells, “Mamacita!”

  “Mon chéri. Ça fait trop longtemps!”

  “Je vous ai manqué!”

  I have absolutely no idea what they are saying, but the scene in front of me is so heart-warming. Charlie’s mother is genuinely happy to see her son – one can tell by the way she’s holding him, almost like he’s a little child. Charlie is quite a couple inches taller than her, but he’s nestled his face into her shoulder.

  I can’t stop a grin from breaking out on my face. It’s honestly rather lovely. But I also feel a slight pang in my heart knowing that no one ever greets me like this when I go home.

  They separate from each other and she squeezes his shoulders, looking at him with so much love that I have to look away. I have never seen a mother look at their child like that, with such intense love. That’s dumb, I know. Mothers are supposed to love their children. But all my mother ever looks at me with is disappointment, anger, disgust, and – you get it.

  She notices me next and claps her hands. “You must be Y/N!”

  “Hi, Mrs. Gillespie. It’s so nice to meet you!” I extend a hand toward her.

  “Aw, come here! You’re gorgeous.”

  She pulls me in for a hug too, and for a moment I’m engulfed by the smell of white musk and the feeling of warmth.

  We pull apart and I smile at her, genuinely. All my anxiety has washed away.

  “My son is always talking about you, about how pretty you are and –”

  “Let’s go inside!” Charlie quickly cuts her off, eyes widened as I laugh.

  “But I wanna know what he says!”

  Mrs Gillespie winks at me as Charlie turns scarlet. “I’ll tell you when he’s gone.”

***

    Another roar of laughter erupts around the dinner table.

  Honestly, I’ve never seen a family like this – a family so connected, so loving. All of Charlie’s siblings – from his three older brothers to his little sister are here for Christmas Eve, and all of them are teasing each other, telling childhood stories, and just having the best time. I was, too. That was until I suddenly realized how I don’t fit in here.

  Everyone here grew up completely different than I did. When I was young, about two years old – my dad left my mom and I for another woman. I haven’t seen him since – although, he sends me a postcard and some money on holidays and birthdays. He’s travelling around the world with his new wife and is apparently ‘happier than he’s ever been.’

  The reason he left is because kids ‘freak’ him out and he isn’t ‘ready’ for that kind of responsibility. I mean, it wasn’t like he was fifteen when he had me: he was twenty-seven, and already married to my mother for about two years then.

  Naturally, my mother blames me for her divorce. I was born out of an accidental pregnancy, so my mother made sure to remind me every day that I was unwanted, and my birth was what ‘pushed’ him to leave us. Every single day, my mother told me that I shouldn’t have been born, that I was a mistake, that I was worthless, unlovable and so, so many more horrible things. She used to drink like crazy, and if I accidentally faced her in that state, she would sometimes hit me.

  Years and years of abuse and all that childhood trauma led me to develop a fear of abandonment, trust issues, intimacy issues, anxiety, and depression. Throughout school, I had been closed off, unable to form relationships and friendships with other people. I had feared anything and everything – I couldn’t even maintain eye contact with people.

  Of course, when I auditioned for CAOS and moved away to LA, away from that toxic environment, I got help and turned my life around. (My mother was incredibly happy to see me go since she had married another guy and now has a family with him – so I was the only thing left that reminded her of my father.) I learnt to accept, prioritize, and love myself – but I’m still working on that, of course.

  But, I know, deep down, no matter how well I am, or how happy I am – there will always be a part of me that’s broken. I’ve grown to accept that, accept the fact that I’ll always carry the trauma with me.

  But Charlie doesn’t. He’s lived a good life, and he deserves someone who can give him their everything – and that’s not me.

  As much as I hate to say it, I’m not good enough for him.

  He senses a change in my demeanour and squeezes my hand under the table. I give him a weak smile.

***

    “Y/N/N, what’s wrong?”

  I look up at my boyfriend. He has a look of concern on his face as he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

  I sigh into the quiet. Everyone has fallen asleep, except Charlie and I – we are seated in his living room in front of the fireplace.

  “Nothing. I’m just really tired.”

  “That’s not true, Y/N. You were fine throughout dinner – oh my god, it’s the ice cream, isn’t it?”

  “What?”

  “The pistachio ice cream that Maman made. It was weirdly bitter, eh? It’s okay, you can tell me.”

  I purse my lips. “No, Charlie. The ice cream was great.”

  “Are you sure? You’ve been down since desert.”

  “It’s not the ice cream, babe.”

  “Okay, then, what is it?”

  He looks at me expectantly, and I can sense that he’s feeling anxious.

  “I just – I realized that I don’t fit in.”

  He furrows his brows, but before he can say anything, I start speaking again. “Charlie, you have such a loving and perfect family. And you know how I grew up. What I went through. So, you know that I’m not used to this. I’m not – I’ve never seen love like this in a family, you know. And I don’t fit in here! While your mother was being so nice to me, I kept wondering when she’s going to scream at me. Or when your father was genuinely interested in me, I kept thinking that maybe he’s trying to find a way to get rid of me. It’s just – it’s just the way I grew up, and I’ll always be like this, Char. Your family is so nice, and it shocks me, honestly. And I think that maybe it’s better if you date someone who grew up the way you did, someone who’s like you. Because I have been broken my whole life, and I don’t think that I can give you everything that you need. I don’t think I’m good enough for you. You’re the best person that I’ve ever met, and I think you should be with someone who’s worthy of you.”

  I whisper the last part, and feel a teardrop fall into the space between my collarbones. I look down because I’m too afraid of what he might say.

  I hear him breathe out heavily and I feel him take my hands in his.

  “Don’t you ever say that.”

  “But it’s true –”

  “Y/N. Don’t you dare doubt yourself. You are good enough. No, you’re perfect. You’re the strongest woman I know. I completely understand why you feel what you’re feeling right now.”

  He scoots closer to me and cups my cheeks in his hands. “And it’s okay. It’s okay to feel that way. It’s okay to feel shocked. That doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make you not good enough. In fact, it makes all the stronger – you went through so much as a kid, and still, you have space in your heart for me. You know, I never doubt the fact that you love me, ever. Because you always make me feel special, make me feel good about myself and always make sure that I’m happy. You always go out of your way to take care of me, and you always make me feel at home. I don’t want anyone other than you. I love you so much and I never, ever wanna lose you.”

  I think I’m fully crying now, as Charlie continues, “It’s okay to feel that way. Take your time. But I’m never leaving you. You’re my person, and you’ll always fit in with me, baby. Always.”

  “Charlie…”

  I look at him properly, and I can see the pain in his eyes as a tear traces along the curve of his cheek. He sniffs, saying, “I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine being with anyone other than you.”

  “Why are you so good to me?” I whisper, my throat still tight from the emotions.

  “Because you deserve someone good, and I can only hope that I’m good for you.”

  I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my face in his shoulder as a sob escapes my body. “I’m so sorry, baby. So, so sorry.” I keep whispering that, while he rubs my back, saying ‘it’s okay.’

  “I love you so much, Charlie. Honestly, thanks for being so good to me. You have no idea what you mean to me.”

  I can feel him smile as he says, “I think I have a pretty good idea, yeah.”

***

jatp requests are open <3

[jjkyaoi]

this is quite long (1100 words or so) and i wanted to write more than this 😔😔

so you know those like, stories of pta parents nshit??? imagine that but with sbi yeah trust me on this trUST ME-

and so in this au i guess, puffy is school therapist and sam is like a teacher.

puffy and sam are like, mega best friends that have known eachother since highschool or sumn yeah??

anyways, tommy has been getting into fights and arguments with his classmates for whatever reason, and the staff have called dadza to come to meetings and shit but its always tommys oldest brother wilbur (im not projecting being the oldest siblling in my family and being forced to mature quicker wdym-)

sam, being tommys favorite teacher ofc, decides "mmm, yeah hes mine now," and we get some nice dad!sam bc its waht tommy and us deserve.

but tommy is still getting into these fights so they send him to the school therapist and she takes one look at this scrawny, scuffed up kid, with holes in his shirt and dirt on his pants and ALSO decides "thats my son now,"

of course sam and puffy find out that tommy doesnt have the best home life but "its okay, he doesnt hit us so its not abuse :)" and theyre like "mmMMMmn no tommy thats still abuse sorta" bc having a father that doesnt pay attention to any of his kids is abuse im pretty sure. and they decide together that theyre gonna try to get the rights of tommy, or something to ATLEAST bee a semi-gaurdigan bc they love him now and thats their son >:(

and somehow they manage it, they get shared gaurdianship over tommy with dadza. i dont know how bc i am but a humble person in need of dad!sam and momma!puffy

BUT they do, and now whenever tommy gets into fights, its one of them (or both) that comes to the meeting. the other staff dont question it bc they know how intimidating sam and puffy are about their "children" (its mainly just kids that they pick up and are like "ur my child now" but nO ONE HAS TO KNOW THAT)

sam and puffy both start asking about these fights and how they can helpn all, partly bc its their job but mainly bc they love him as their own. n slowly but surely they help tommy not get into fights. most of the time its the other student who starts it bc they know that tommy is easliy angered but there are times when tommy starts it (mainly for good reason tho and they just dont have the heart to punish him, just softly scorn)

one day tho, tommy gets into a fight,and the staff start the whole dance of calling dadza, him not picking up and just letting puffy or sam go in place.

EXCEPT he pickes up this time, and it desolves into fucking CHAOS in the office. like, the whole office knows that tommy is sam and puffys kid and so they gather around this one front desk worker who is the unfortunate soul who has to talk to him and are like "is that him??? im gonna wring his neck when i see him" cuz the office has seen tommy in there one too many times with a black or bloody nose or both.

and so they tell him that his son has been in a fight and they need him to come to a meeting for it, and dadzas like "yeah sure, what do i need to be there?" and they tell him, but they realize they have a problem on their hands, bc philza NEVER fucking picks up - and by never, u mean this is probably the first time they heard his voice-and bc philzanever picksuo they usually just tell puffy or sam that they have a meeting wayyy before they call philza bc the outcome is always the sam.

so they call up both sam and puffy with major reluctance bc they have a feeling they know whatll happen. n theyre like "hey, uh, so you dont need to attent that meeting for tommy today. his dad is coming in-" "oh, HELL NO, that fucker is NOT going in place of us. expect to see me AND sam at the meeting today" sam is very similar except with more swears which is a tab bit surprising but whatever yknow?

and so the meeting rolls around and tommy is sitting inbetween sam and puffy but notices theres another chair to the right of sam and fucking dadza walks in, and tommy feels his heart stop he feels puffy holding his left hand and tryring to get him to take deep breaths but his anxiety is so overwhelming and he hasnt seen his dad in almost 3 months and whyisheherewhyishehere-

so tommy is having, like a silent anxiety attack as we all do. and sam i scowling at philza and hes like borderline growling and baring his teeth at him lol

philza takes a seat next to sam with reluctance and tries to look around him to see tommy but sams like "nuh uh, fucker. leave my son alone." and philzas like " 'my son?!' " before the meeting starts

(also the other family who tommy got into a fight with is all watching this go down bc theyre highkey confused bc "sam and puffy arent tommyy parents???" bc this is definitely not the first time tommy has punched their kid)

during the meeting tommy comes down off his high of his anxiety attack and is really exhausted, and whenever hes asked a question he whispers it puffy and she says it for him. philza doesnt get a word in and before he knows it the meeting is over.

as they stand up, he tries to get tommy to come with him to go home but sam is faster than him and he goes "hey tommy! lets go and do some crosswords in my classroom yeah?" and tommy is for it, one bc he loves doing crosswords and itll help him calm down a bit more, and two he does n o t want to speak to philza.

n they leave and philza is left with puffy and the other staff member who are minding their fucking business bc heaven knows they dont want to cross puffy whens she in a rage. and they all expect like an outburst of anger and yelling, and them having to pull her away so she doesnt murder him where he stands but no, its not that at all.

philza turns to puffy to say something but he stops dead in his tracks when he sees the way shes looking at him, theres an inferno of rage building up inside her, but she just goes,"he's not your son." and leaves.

*holds this gently* thank you for the,,,.. thank you for the food i’m. i’m soft now. :( anyway haha fuck c!phil he can go suck a cows ass amiright!!!! :DD

[bowieandqueen11]

Remember When / Hargreeves Imagine

Request: Love ur writing btw!! I have a Great idea for a Diego fic! Can u do his siblings somehow finding tapes/videos from the mental asylum Diego was in and seeing how badly he was tortured and abused. Then he has a panic attack or something at the end and they comfort him. 

I-ugh anon omg - my heart <3

Warning, some strong language, and also some descriptions of abuse, so please don’t read if it will make you uncomfortable!

Comments and reblogs are so so so appreciated, as this took me honestly way to long XD! Thank you!!

‘Way to go. Real Team Zero back there.’

‘Diego, we’ve already been through this. Dad’s a stubborn prick, as he has been, all our sad lives, yada yada, we’re sorry, okay? We should have known he’d still be the same condescending asshole’, Klaus replies, waving his hands in the air as he climbs the stairs back up to Elliot’s apartment. Rubbing his left eye with his hello tattoo, he uses his right to try and fumble a blunt out of his pocket, clenching it between his teeth. As he feels Luther’s footsteps pound up the rest of the way and jog past him to the landing, he can’t quite seem to light it - his fingers are still trembling too hard from the pain of Ben stealing his body in the way he did.

Running up the stairs after him, Diego leaves behind the rest of his shell shocked siblings. Instead he focuses on tucking in the corners of his shirt back into his pants, trying to do anything to stop himself focusing on Reginald and the tears that still threaten to prick at the corner of his eyes. He doesn’t even notice when he walks head first into Klaus, until he has put a hand out and gripped onto his shoulder to stop them both from tumbling back down the stairs like bowling balls and straight into Allison.

‘You, brother, are an idiot. And a fat lot of help’, he smirks, sadly, gently slapping Klaus on his cheek.

‘Rude’, Klaus shrugs, winding his way towards the kitchen and kicking off his shoes in the process, looking for some Vodka to steal.

Allison hops quickly out of the way of the incoming shoes, used to his antics by now, and instead comes to settle next to where Vanya has plodded herself down on the sofa. Fiddling with her oversized jumper, a far away look on her face, Allison places a comforting hand on her bicep and gives her a sorrowful smile.

‘What do we do now?’, Vanya murmurs out as Luther squirms uncomfortably on one of Elliott’s wooden chairs. He ignores the beeping of the machines behind his head, instead swallowing thickly.

‘We, uh... wait for Five, I guess.’

‘No no no, right now, the most important thing we can do to try and change the world, is save JFK.’

‘Ughh we’ve been through this a million times! That’s not how it works Diego!’, Klaus calls from the kitchen, only a cloud of smoke trailing out from behind the wall and filling the room with both a stagnant smell of weed, and a light fog that seems to dampen the small amount of sunlight filtering through the askew blinds, which Elliott had been taking photos through earlier this morning.

‘Look, I get that you’re on some big crusade to prove something to dad, but this is not helpful right now.’

‘We all need to stick together and stop this thing’, Allison chimes in, desperation in her voice.

Luther’s interrupted from his continuing thoughts by a small squeak out of Vanya, following her eyes from where they are trained to a spot on the rug.

‘Oh my god... is that blood? Is someone bleeding?’

‘Holy shit.’

He gets up then, following the trail, beckoning his sisters to stay behind him with his hands until he reaches the dentistry chair at the edge of the landing, grimacing slightly as he turns to swivel it towards him with a squeak. He feels Klaus bump into one side of him, and Diego hit onto his other elbow, a rusty kitchen knife raised and ready, and a look of almost determination on his face, as if he had just been waiting for something awful to happen, just another chain of bad events so he knew his life was back onto its normal tracks.

‘Oh noooo’, Klaus groans, cupping his hands over his mouth as Elliott’s body turns to face them, a knife planted firmly in his eye.

Turning away from the tortured body of his friend, Diego swallows thickly, dropping his knife to the floor and placing an arm over his stomach. None of his siblings really notice, all of them looking over the dead body aghast, wondering, pained that they were the ones who caused something like this. None of them noticed the shake in his hand as he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the bile back down his throat again. 

Klaus, however, did notice something. However, sadly for Diego, it was not the right thing - not the signs of shock, anxiety, or guilt that flashed over his brother’s face - the signs of PTSD he would have been the most adapt at noticing in the room. No, instead Klaus looked past poor Elliot’s head, towards a blinking static screen that kept flashing blue and black on a nearby desk, left abandoned underneath the shutter shots of the rest of them by Five.

‘Hello there, what might you be?’

Leaving the rest of them, he fumbled with the buttons on the old TV, trying to shake it out of his head how eerily familiar this seemed to dear old dad’s surveillance system. Hitting any button he can find in vain, he throws his blunt out of his mouth and flicks it across the room, slamming the control panel with the fist of his palm, until his pointer finger somehow managed to falter and hit play on the tape left inside.

Never before had Klaus noticed how much time is like water, that it can drip by in front of his eyes so slowly, or even freeze with each new frame. The past few minutes had passed by as if he had watched a thousand frames per second, too slow to be normal, so unusual. He turns to try and point to his siblings, but his jaw is still so slack and he finds he can’t move his fingers properly. Shock, that’s what they call it, shock, he thinks to himself, fighting to get his words out so they don’t trail out.

There is a sadness in his eyes, the glass green too glossy when he finally turns to his siblings and manages only to feebly point at the screen.

For the first time, since his mouth had been wired shut as a teenager, Klaus was at a loss of words.

This grabbed the attention of his siblings, who crowded over to join him and peer intently at the screen - all except foe Diego, who stayed hovering at the edge of the group.

The screen lights up again, showing an empty room, one without proper handles, only sheets of smooth metal as makeshift windows for staff to peer through. There’s no bed, no mattress on the cold floor, just emptiness, isolation, silence, for the man who sits in the centre of the floor in pure white. They recognise from the shaggy hair and the wild beard that it’s there brother almost immediately.

'You were in an Asylum? What for?’, Vanya asks.

‘For trying to save the President’, Diego manages to mutter, unable to look any of them in the eye. ‘For doing what needed to be done.’

He’s interrupted by himself, the small version of him on the tape muttering to himself, rocking back and forth. ‘I am not enough, I can’t do it, I’m not good enough. You’ll never be number one, never.’  

The door swings open then. In his intense silence, Diego somehow screamed with his whole body. The eyes wide with horror, the mouth rigid and open, his chalky face gaunt and immobile as the doctor approached him with the needle.  

‘Please! Not the needle!’, he begs and cries. ‘Please!’

Luther’s the first to turn round and look at his brother. The first to finally look, to finally see him, how defeated he looks, for the first time since they all landed in that alleyway.  It's the look that he gives Diego. Those pale blue eyes, probing into his soul, desperately wanting to see what's going on in there. That look, it just tore Diego apart, piece by piece, and although it wasn’t his fault, he found himself deeply unsettled, deeply angry at him, at all of them, so suddenly.

‘W-w-what? What are you looking at a-a-ss-’

An invisible hand clasps over his mouth and stops his words from escaping, an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline piercing his heart, making it contort and expand until it feels just about ready to burst. His ribs heave uneasily, and Allison’s afraid he’s about to pass out, Klaus rushing forward, biting his lips. Diego only wants to run, but needs to freeze. All he can do, instead, is fall to his knees, and allow four pairs of hands to catch him before his face hits the floor.

A single tear slides down from his warm, butterscotch eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed it's way down his cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that has been held inside of him for all this time but still he did not make a sound. His siblings made the noise for him, warm, comforting little nothings, telling him it was going to be okay, he didn’t have to go back, they were going to do it, save the world. Save themselves.

The hand appeared from nowhere and tightened on his wrist, white knuckled, strong, until Luther had pulled him against his chest, and the others had gently fallen to their knees too and placed their arms around his back as best as they could. Klaus was half leaning over Allison’s leg, and Vanya in turn was completely squished, face first, against his chest, but somehow they made it work.

There is the hug of gentle arms that still gives you the space to breathe, like the ones Grace used to give Diego after a mission. Shutting his eyes, he realises he isn’t used to this type, the kind of hug with strong arms that tells everything that your are - body, brain and soul - that they are with you. 

They stay like that for a while, the five - well, the six of them, as Ben places his arms around his siblings as well, even if they can’t feel him. The six of them, battered, afraid, neglected, and yet, not alone. They huddle there together, embracing each other and crying and just allowing themselves to be open, to be vulnerable with each other, to realise their dad wasn’t there and they didn’t have to go through this alone anymore. 

Tears were wiped and sobbing laughs were shared, and even Five, when he blipped back into the room, saw the set of his siblings hugging on the floor and felt a pang of loneliness and love for his crazy family ring out in his heart that he joined them, if only for a second.

From then they weren’t numbers anymore. They weren’t even siblings. They were more, Diego said with a smile. They were Team Zero.

[syms-things-5]

Clear The Area - Chapter Sixteen

Previous Chapter Here

Warnings: Language, scenes that are NSFW, angst, slightly annoying people

Tags: @kelbabyblue​ @jennmurawski13​

Notes: I am so sorry for being rubbish in posting this. I started writing it weeks ago and then work took over my life. Thanks for sticking with me and I hope this was worth the wait (somewhat).

Chapter Sixteen

“So, what do you want to do now?” Audrey asked, hands firmly planted on the Diner table in front of her. She had the same careful posture and look on her face as when she had to relay bad news to a family. It certainly wasn’t providing much comfort now. 

She tilted her head to one side and offered a soft smile to try and assuage Sarah’s anxiety but it was no use. This kind of information wasn’t deserving of a casual reaction. She’d pretty much dropped a bomb on her friend and she was expected to deal with the fall out. To Audrey’s credit, though, she appeared to be taking it in her stride which was a bit surprising to say the least. 

“Honestly? I have no idea.” Sarah shook her head despondently before her forehead connected with the table. 

Three Days Earlier… 

The convenient thing about being a nurse and working long and tiring hours, Sarah found, was that you almost always had the perfect excuse for getting out of plans. Or not replying to messages you were deliberately avoiding. “Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I lost track of time” quickly becomes an acceptable code for “Sorry I didn’t reply earlier, I didn’t have a clue what to say.” 

No one would ever dare call you out on it. 

It had been almost a week since Sarah had arrived home and the questions from her family had yet to subside. For someone quiet and relatively lacking in a desire for attention, people sure did have a vested interest in her whereabouts. They wanted to know about the exam and when she was likely to hear the outcome. They wanted to know what would happen next and whether she could appeal it if she didn’t like the results. They wanted to know whether she would try again or if she was just happy doing what she was doing now, and please can you call your grandmother because she wants to hear about it, too. 

She was exhausted. 

But dealing with those messages was an absolute dream compared to messages Chris was sending her. She could copy and paste generic responses to all of the above but with Chris? That was going to take some more thought. 

Chris: You’re so pretty. I miss your face so much x 

Chris: …..And so many other things x 

Chris: It’s not the same waking up without you x Chris: Do you remember me waking you up last week………? 

Chris: Did you pick up my sunglasses?? I cant find them anywhere…….. 

Chris: Just found them! Duh! 

Chris: Have you seen the Last Week Tonight? I think you’d love this one……. X 

Chris: I’m thinking of getting a dog x 

Chris: Can you just tell me ur OK so I can stop worrying?

After coming home late one evening following a long shift, she found herself face-to-face with the most beautiful array of flowers she had ever seen. Sunflowers, glorious white roses, gerberas, tulips, peonies… Truly, indescribably beautiful. 

“Someone sure is popular.” Shanna called from where she was sat at the dining table. “They got delivered earlier today. I don’t mean to be a bad feminist but you should probably think about putting out for Greg ‘cos if you don’t, you can let him know that I am definitely up for it.” 

Sarah side-eyed her friend and tried to locate the card in amongst the substantial spray. “I can’t remember the last time someone bought me flowers that wasn’t my Dad.” Shanna barked out a laugh as Sarah pulled the card out, recognising the handwriting instantly. 

I really miss you x

Now she felt bad for her lazy response to him earlier that afternoon. The second-hand embarrassment was creeping up on her after she tried to casually allay his concerns with an “All good!! x” and regretted the double exclamation marks. That was bound to give the game away. 

She regarded the flowers standing proudly on ceremony and waiting for her to smile at them in utter joy so they knew they had done their job. They deserved that at least, but all she could manage was a sigh and a somewhat reluctant smile at their glowing beauty. 

“I mean there’s certainly no denying he likes you a lot.” Shanna crept up behind her and narrowly missed Sarah scrunching up the card in her hands. “You don’t buy flowers like this without making your intentions clear.” 

“Who says he has intentions?” Sarah playfully jostled with Shanna. “This isn’t Downton Abbey.” 

“Oh, come on!” Shanna regaled in disbelief, running her fingers over the large, open sunflowers. “You can’t fool me, Bernette. These are statement flowers if ever I saw them. He wants you baaaad.” 

She walked back into the kitchen and Sarah could hear her locate and clang the only two vases they owned in the apartment. Neither of them had much need for vases and even if they did, one thing that made them good flatmates was their mutual distaste for needless crockery lying around the place. Neither appreciated dusting as a chore; it was much easier this way. 

“Fuck. I’ll have to ask Mom to bring one over.” Shanna said. “We’re gonna need more to cope with that.” 

As expected, Chris was pretty proud of himself. She couldn’t deny him that as he saw the flowers blossom in and around her apartment. He had popped by under the premise of annoying his sister for the evening but flirtatious glances across the lounge gave away his true intentions. 

“You should be flattered, I don’t normally do flowers.” He joked when he sidled up next to her in the kitchen, tossing an apple back and forth between his hands. 

“You don’t “normally” do anything.” 

“Not true. I once sent a girl a peace lily that came in that nice, tall glass vase. That big blue thing.” 

“Wasn’t that just to replace the one you smashed at her mom’s place when you were trying to sneak out?” 

Chris froze on the spot, staring at her. “I actually can’t remember now, was it? Scott ordered it for me.” 

Sarah rolled her eyes before continuing to tidy around him, Chris evidently deciding not to make her job any easier by moving out of her way. It was the equivalent of him lazily lifting his feet off the floor while she tried to vacuum underneath. 

“Seriously, though, did you like them?” 

“They’re lovely, thank you." Sarah moved to the other side of the kitchen as she continued to dry and place back some wine glasses in the cupboard. “You really didn’t need to do that. It was kinda hard to explain them away.” 

“What did you say?” He rubbed at the back of his neck, turning serious for a second. 

“I didn’t really say anything. She just assumed they were from Greg.” She leaned against the counter across the room from him. He could make out the worry in her eyes. “Which makes me feel like I’ve lied to her twice.” 

It was hard to sleep that night. Chris had somehow got her to agree to meeting him the next day so they could talk some more but she refrained from agreeing to meet him at his place after work. She knew how that was likely to end and she couldn’t face being with him in that way right now so he had finally relented and agreed to a simple coffee at lunch instead. He was less than pleased when he left and Shanna spent half an hour complaining through the bathroom door about his “issues” as Sarah was trying to clean up before heading to bed. 

“He’s always been an entitled asshole.” She started before ending with a one-two punch of “He’s not happy unless he’s in control” and “I wish for once he would experience being told ‘no’” She wasn’t wrong but she also didn’t need to hear just how right she was in this moment either. 

*

A couple of things happened in relatively quick succession. 

The coffee was every bit as awkward as she knew it would be, only not exactly for the reasons she had anticipated. It was times like this she relished Chris’s ability to have it all figured out and to be able to express himself clearly and succinctly, but she should have known better. As a result, Sarah was left more anxious and unsure of what it was she was feeling. Guilt she figured, not just for the knowledge that she was lying to her best friend but also for leaving the man sat in front of her looking like he had not slept properly in days. 

He cleared his throat and shifted to sit up straighter in his seat. They were sat in the corner of the diner, as always, and barring a couple of people having a relatively animated conversation a few booths away from them – relatives of patients, she figured – it was pretty quiet for this time of the day. 

“So, time to be honest but there was a reason I sent those flowers.” He had the look of someone who had just been told off by a teacher. “I sort of thought you might have seen something but I guess it went away. I think Matt dealt with it OK.” 

Sarah put her cup down and looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“OK, don’t get mad but there may have been a photograph.” He barely looked up as he spoke. “Of us at the hotel.” 

Her eyes widened at him and she was about to panic out loud until she realised where she was. “A photograph?” 

“Well, technically a photo of me and an ‘unidentified female companion’.” He deadpanned making air quotes like it was nothing before finally making eye contact with her. He frowned but she knew it wasn’t directed at her. He looked down at the table again and then back at her when he realised she hadn’t said anything. “Don’t worry. It’s sorted. I explained things. I just figured someone might have put it on social media or something but I guess I owe him one this time, which he’ll love no doubt.” 

“Oh.” She knew it was a pathetic response. “What do you mean you explained things?” 

“It looks like a fan spotted me and took a picture at the right time. For them, obviously, not for me. Or us. A magazine picked it up. You actually look a little blurry so technically it could be anyone.” 

“Unless you know me. It’ll probably be really obvious then.” 

“Well now you don’t need to worry because it’s gone away. We’ll call it one of our nine lives.” He sipped his coffee again, slowly regaining his confidence now that he knew she wasn’t mad with him. She began rubbing her temple, a predictable move for when she was feeling stressed out and he realised he’d crossed a line. “Sorry.” 

“Maybe I should seek a career in espionage. Clearly I can hide in plain sight.” She finally spoke and he smiled softly at her in a way that would unnerve her under certain circumstances but for obvious reasons wasn’t having that same effect right in this moment. 

“Trust me, OK? I know how these things play out and people forget quickly. I’ve done this hundreds of times.” He was about to sip his coffee again until he was met with a sterner look from across the table. “That was supposed to sound reassuring but I, er, misjudged it.” 

“Does Matt know about me?” 

A few seconds of silence passed between them, Chris looking slightly to his left before making eye contact with her and pursing his lips, giving her the answer. 

He leaned in and spoke as quietly as he could manage. “But he won’t say anything. He’s a good guy and he looks out for me.” \

“Yeh, I know.” She nodded. “Just doesn’t feel great at the moment.” 

“You know I would love it if you talked to me about this.” He lowered his head so much he was now practically touching the table with his chin. “I feel like ever since we got back from New York things have been really weird and normally I would think I was overthinking things but I don’t think I am, am I?” 

She turned her cup a few times before she felt his hand connect with hers. She saw how small she looked in his and when she looked back up at him, she was met with his doe-eyed expression. The expression which all you could do was smile back, which she did, and she was glad she did because he seemed to lose some weight from his shoulders at that point. His fingers lightly rubbed across hers and she enjoyed the warmth spreading across her skin and up her forearms. 

“I’m sorry,” She spoke after a minute. “I didn’t mean to cause you any stress.” 

Surprised by her apology, he leaned back in his chair. “You don’t need to apologise to me, Bernette. I get it. It’s strange.” 

“I guess I just didn’t know where things would go after, y’know, everything. I wasn’t sure what to say.” 

“Well, I know where I want things to go but something tells me we’re not on the same page.” 

More silence. 

“Look, I get it, OK? Nothing about this is straight-forward.” He rubbed a hand over his beard and over the back of his hair. “But we’re doing OK, right? I mean, I don’t think this needs to end any time soon. We don’t need to make any rash decisions just yet.” 

“But how do you see this ending?” 

She missed his hands when he pulled them back and let them rest on the table in front of him. “Umm…” 

“Because truthfully, I figured it would have ended as soon as it started. You might have got bored or maybe you got a job and you left for months and we’d just…forget about it.” She shrugged back at him. 

“Forget?” He tried to mask the disbelief creeping into his tone. “I don’t think either of us could forget about this.” 

“But you think about our lives and how different we are and even if we take the family out of the equation, like, it was always going to be tough, right? We would have to figure these things out eventually. It would be naïve to think we could carry on as we have done without feeling guilty and…” 

“I don’t feel guilty. Do you feel guilty?” 

“Well, yeh. From time to time. It’s not so bad when we’re at yours because it feels like it’s out of sight, out of mind, and-” 

“-then we’ll just have to stay at mine more.” He raised his eyebrow at her in an attempt to bring some playfulness back to their conversation. 

“That’s not what I’m getting at.” She shook her head at him. Now it was her time to pull back as her head connected with the headrest. “This isn’t gonna last forever, is it? We need to be more rational.” 

“Well…” 

“And it’s only going to get harder and feel more…stressful.” 

Chris narrowed his eyes at her. “Why now?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean, where is this coming from?” he asked. “We seemed to be OK and I thought we had a good time in New York. Then it’s days of near silence and now I think you’re trying to end this but you don’t have the guts to say it out loud.” 

He had her there. She didn’t feel particularly offended or caught off guard by his assumption and he saw that because, truthfully, he’d finally put a name to her thoughts. He wasn’t giving her a way out as such but he was at least addressing the elephant she had planted between them. 

He looked away from her and took in a sharp breath. “Look, I don’t want to have this conversation here, OK? I think we should have taken up my idea and spoken about this later at mine and in private. Will you please just come and see me later?” 

He didn’t give her the softer, more pleading tone she was normally used to when he was trying to make an appeal to her. She wasn’t expecting it given the circumstances but…it would have been nice. How was she going to get through the next few hours of work if she had this struggle to look forward to? 

“Because if you’re gonna dump me, I’d rather have a whiskey in me than whatever crap this is.” He flicked his cup away from him on the table and smoothed his hand over his beard again, still not making eye contact. “I’m gonna go. Just text me when you’re on the way, yeh?” 

So that was that, then.

*

She could have cried, it felt so good. 

She didn’t intend to let things get as far as they did. She was trying to figure out what to say to him. She spent a good portion of time standing outside his front door building up just enough nerve to knock. When she saw him, in a slightly-too-tight sweater, sweatpants hanging loose on his hips, eyes glossy from the alcohol she suspected he had started drinking as soon as he had arrived home, she couldn’t help herself. 

He looked gorgeous. He looked warm and comforting and soft and hot and…all the things that had become so familiar to her now. And when he held his hand out to pull her in, she willingly went to him. 

One thing that struck her as he was entering her over and over again was how tightly he held on to her. After she had finally managed to catch her breath from the onslaught of kisses and touches all over her body. His hands held hers firmly above her head as they fell onto his bed. God knows how they managed to make it that far. 

He hadn’t let her up for air as soon as his lips connected with hers. He pulled her inside his apartment and pushed her towards his bedroom. She knew the layout of his home like the back of her hand, knowing exactly when they passed his kitchen as he dragged her jacket from her shoulders and left it by the table. She felt the curtains in his hallway brush passed her hair and the breeze from the skylight in his bathroom reach the base of her spine, his hands having pushed up her t-shirt and exposed her skin to the brief chill. His arms wrapped around her and held her like he was scared she was going to fall away from his grasp. She can’t remember connecting with anything else after that point; she was focussed solely on the way he was loving her. \

Clumsily, he used to his leg to kick the bedroom open so she wouldn’t bang into it and he got her flat on the bed with minimal effort. He carefully removed clothes until she felt his hot skin smother hers and she realised she made the right decision in just going with it. There was a sweet hint of whiskey to his breath but she didn’t much care. As he looked into her eyes, resting deep inside her, she didn’t much care for anything. This was the power he held over her.

She could tell he was thinking of something to say. Something he had probably practiced in the few hours since they last saw each other but now was coming up short. She instinctively placed her hand gently over his mouth, an acknowledgement of sorts, and asked him to move again, slower this time as he made sure she could feel all of him moving inside her. 

She was on the edge of her orgasm for a long time. His breathing grew laboured, his hot breath fanning over her face and surrounding her before, without warning, he shifted them both in one fluid move so she was lying on top of him. 

“Ride me,” he whispered, a softness belying his request, and she complied.

She gripped at his upper arms so they would hold her weight as she moved purposefully on top of him. It was bliss. She couldn’t look away from him as he struggled to keep his eyes open, taking in everything she was giving him. They had experienced a few moments like this, moments that felt so tender if it wasn’t for the way his hands were gripping her hips to keep her going. 

After they had both come together, she collapsed down over him, her head resting over the top of his chest, him still inside her. She felt sure she had accidently bumped his chin but couldn’t quite manage the energy to vocalise an apology. He wrapped his arms securely around her to hold her in place when he thought she would try and move away from him. They’d slept like this in New York and he had decided he liked it more than the alternative. 

“If that’s the last time we do this, at least we went out on a high.” he sighed. 

“True.” She replied, equally as breathless.

He turned his head to look down at her, stroking a hand over her hair and the side of her face. “It doesn’t feel fair, though. Life’s gonna be a little bit shitter without you to look forward to.” 

“We’ll still see each other. We’ll find a way to make it work.” She shifted her legs from off his before turning slightly to take the rest of her body away from his and he reluctantly let her go. 

“Do you think we can?” He asked as he stared up at the ceiling. He already knew the answer in his mind but he wanted to hear her try and convince him. 

“We have to.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” 

She sighed heavily and rubbed a hand across her forehead, letting it rest it in her hair. “She’s my best friend. You guys are my family. We have to at least try.” 

Chris turned to look at her just in time to see a tear form in her eyes. She gently blinked and sniffed it away not realising he had already seen. 

“You’re gonna be a hard act to follow, Bernette.”

*

“So you slept with him again?” Audrey worried. 

Sarah nodded carefully, holding one hand in the other. “I know, I know…but when I saw him I just couldn’t help it. I couldn’t pull away from him, it’s like he-” 

“Oh honey, listen, I get it. Completely.” Audrey’s eyes widened and she had to stop herself laughing. “I can imagine he’s been very supportive to you with everything that’s been going on but I think when all is said and done, maybe you both needed this?” 

“I wish it was that simple, Audrey. It’s not just the two of us that needs to consider things. Y’know, Shan actually apologised to me, saying she’d been a bad friend and that she would try to be more supportive from now on and…it hit me. It just knocked me for six that I’ve betrayed her completely and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t know how to go back.” 

“It’s obvious this isn’t just sex. I mean, he drove to see you in New York and fucking…” She waved her hand around at nothing in particular. “…fucking tested you on fucking blood diseases and ECGs. Michael doesn’t even do that and I fucking married that guy! Come on, Sarah. If this was just sex, it wouldn’t be an issue, would it? You’d be able to close the book and move on. End of story. The only reason this is causing you strife is because you have feelings for each other. And very serious ones at that I might add.” 

“Ah well, that’s easy. You don’t go back. You don’t just forget the last few months. What’s done is done now and maybe there’s a better way out of this.”

“How?”

“Oh Sarah, I love you but you really are friggin’ naïve sometimes.” Audrey pointedly rolled her eyes for the tenth time since they sat down. It wasn’t something Sarah was appreciating right now, this feeling that she was continuously missing the damn point. 

If this was Oprah, the audience would be clapping and whooping loudly right now and Audrey would do her finger-snap that she reserved for drunken arguments in bars with ladies that pushed in line for the toilets. Instead, she took a sip from her sparkling water and raised an eyebrow at her, content in her response. Your move, she was saying. 

Sarah rubbed her eyes and painfully pulled at the skin on her eyelids. “I should have told you about this sooner. I’m sorry, Audrey. I’m sorry I’m landing this on your now.” 

“Well, while we’re being honest, I guess I should tell you that I kind of already knew.” 

Sarah looked at her incredulously. Audrey didn’t bat an eye and just sat looking back at her. 

“How long? When did you…?” 

“It’s not every day a movie star wanders into the reception of a crumbling ER department.” She said, matter-of-factly. “Plus, I saw you both outside the diner. Aaand I’m guessing the accident you had recently was because of him as well?” 

Sarah awkwardly bit at her bottom lip. She didn’t need to confirm anything; Audrey knew full well. She was astute as hell and while it didn’t feel like it right in this moment, Sarah was quietly relieved. 

“What do I do, Audrey?” 

She sipped her water again. “If you insist on being serious about this, you can’t let yourself be in a room with him alone. You know that much, hun. The rest is day by day. Maybe he’ll make it easy on you.” 

She nodded in understanding. Audrey took that at face value, giving her a sympathetic smile in return while mentally making a bet with herself about how well things would turn out. 

*

[cosmica-candy]

!! Sparky do you have any particular headcanons of 1010 and/or their dads because I see em and is like :0!!

(Badically what is ur hcs of them?)

SNOW ❄️

Snow has gifted child syndrome, His hair had streaks of pastel mint, but the dye used wore off through his life, Snow loves to garden! Snow loves to garden, he has a little area in the middle of the mansion full of his favorite flowers that he tends to every day, Snow is actually quiet mature and responsible, being the leader of 1010, but he's also quite nervous,he's very kindhearted, but also not trusting due to other using his kindess for his own gain, Extremely protective of his three younger brothers, Neo being the most "frail" in his eyes, he behaves like a third parent

AQUOS🛸

Aquos is the quiet and collected one, but he harbors alot of sadness from a period of time where nova was very absent from his life. It was Aquos that introduced Nova to Neon, and it was Aquos and Nova that grew the tightest bond between the family, before Nova split out of fear of commitment and coming out. Aquos spent years in depression strumming his guitar waiting for his space dad to return, and even after he did, Aquos still battles with social anxiety and depression that he's learning to manage thanks to the help of his supportive family. He has photo sensitivity due to a programming error that keeps on popping up so he chooses to have transition lenses in his glasses Aquos is also the only instrumentalist on 1010, he's learned to play the piano, guitar, and violin over the years, and sometimes has solo concerts that he used to dedicate to Nova

SOL🍒

Total hopeless romantic, He falls head over heels for any man who sees him as him and NOT just a member of 1010. Sol has the most energy out of any 1010 member, too much for his own good, he's prone to losing focus on things and if he's not moving he'll get grumpy. He's often the most aggressive out of all five boys, but only playfully so and not from any sort of malice. He has many active hobbies including parkour, running, and gymnastics that help him manage his abundant energy. He's also secretly really sweet, and this can be seen the most around his baby brother Neo. Sol is the only one to have a full name Solaris being his full name

STELLOS💫

Stellos is the smile that is the face of 1010, he never ceases to stop telling jokes, even when it comes to the annoyance of others. His bright bubbly personality is true, but underneath hides a deep fear of being alone, which is why he's so desperate to make others laugh and smile. His twin Sol has helped him deal with that fear many times. There is no greater moment in Stellos day, than when he gets to crack a joke so bad it causes someone to hunch over in cringe, he loves puns and dad jokes. He also loves to bake, primarily the sweet things that Sol is often the first to taste and eat. Stellos is also the BIGGEST of the 1010 boys, although his typical 1010 uniform is great at hiding his extra muscle mass. He uses his bulky frame to protect his brothers the most. Snow might be the leader, but Stellos is the shield

NEO🌱

Neo was built after Nova and Neon's reunion, out of the spare parts that Neon had left over from the first four boys, which explains his smaller frame. However whenever he goes on stage he makes sure to put on his leg extenders to match his brothers height. Neo is the youngest, and is treated as such. Often being babied by his two dads and his older brothers, as he is still developing. Neo suffered from heart problems due to the scrap piece nature of his build, it was a troubling time that for a while left Neo sealed off from the rest of the world, but Neon eventually managed to build him a core that worked in place of his heart. Neo enjoys playing with colored blocks that he assembles into spaceships and castles, coloring in coloring books, and spending time with his big brothers, which he still tries to emulate. Neo has a pet bunny named salad that neon created to keep him safe. Neo has been known to get into some mischief with sol and also has a habit of kicking people he doesn't like in the shins, although it takes a lot for neo not to like you.

NAME TRIVIA🌈

If you notice each of them at least has one O in their name that is actually supposed to be a zero! Neo was always supposed to be the youngest of the team, Neo correlates with new.

So new child, new model (And also plants) aquos was supposed to have a more aquatic thing to him thus his name having the suffix "aqua"

The name soul is used because in Spanish "sol" means sun and the hot firey blazing sun?

Stellos was Actually originally designed to be a girl, having the name "Stella" but after some thinking I decided to have him as a boy, thus came the name Stellos

Snow was easy come up with because his whole theme is monochrome black and white and I got the name snow from his white hair uncreative but eh

[fictional-worlds-are-exquisite]

yeah, i don't lie a lot either, not only because i'm just really bad at it but also i'm a pretty honest person, i rarely see a reason to lie about something to people i'm close with. i do lie to teachers too though. because i am not just gonna tell them that i'm planning on procrasting an assignment for 3 weeks and then doing it on the last night. no, thank you. about that i can lie very convincingly.

there was also this one memorable occasion where i was lying horribly and then somehow managed to save the situation? it was weird. basically this guy i was friends with asked me out and I panicked coz i didnt want to hurt his feelings but i really didnt like him that way, so i said i'm sorry i have a crush on someone so i'm not emotionally available. and he was like oh cool who is it? because he obviously didn't believe me (see: my terrible lying skillz) and i was like oh it's my classmate [insert random name that does not belong to any of my classmates] and he asked for his facebook because again: didn't believe me. and so i panicked even more because i didn't know any people with that name so i told him yeah you caught me, i was lying, i actually have a crush on my best friend (we're both girls) so hopefully ur not homophobic dude. he was not homophobic! so that was great, even if i did lie so horribly at first that i had to come out to save my lie 🤷‍♀️

i'm pan ace by the way! and i'm only out as pan to 5 (i think) people irl and literally no one outside of tumblr knows that i'm ace (because i'm apparently really horrible at telling who in my life is aphobic and after one attempt at coming out as ace and backtracking asap i did not try again!)

also, i figured that you would like to know, that i found some hair dye i bought before (the second) quarantine in my country started and forgot about. so i dyed my hair red again! at 1am (well it's 12.30 but thats close enough right?) i also accidentally dyed my favorite (white) sleep shirt red because in my excitement i forgot to change. so now it looks like someone's head was cut off while wearing it! the chaos! i'm loving it

Oh yeah, I had this one lecturer last trimester that would give you assignments and expect you to have started them like, a solid month before it was due. If it was like a MASSIVE assignment I would understand of course. But half the time it was just like a 1000 or 2000 word essay. Two weeks from the due date I’m pretty sure she expected a draft. That is of course not what I did. I’m over here chatting with my tutor the day it’s due like yeah I started last night gonna try to get it done by the due time tonight :)) shoutout to that tutor, I gave her second-hand anxiety and stress and she did not deserve it. But when talking to the lecturer? nooo I’ve made a start for sure :). On the other hand that was my worst class last trimester and my results just. weren’t vibing. so maybe I should’ve started weeks prior sdkfsdfsk. Lying to teachers about having started an assessment is my specialty. stressing tutors out about having not started so close to the date is also my speciality (i’m so sorry sdfkshdf).

oh my god what a legendary way of saving that lie in the end. that’s incredible. I think I would’ve panicked so much in that situation it just would’ve been stuttered half words and a sprint in literally any direction to get away. What a save. 10/10 quick thinking skills there honestly. to be fair there also weren’t enough people in my high school to get away with naming a fake person. when a guy asked ME out I just stood there staring at him with great fear until he reminded me I could say no so I said uh, yeah, I mean no sorry, and speed-walked away. he was good about it though. until I found out he wanted to ask me to the ball in year 12 I believe and I suddenly disappeared whenever he entered a room. Weird how that worked. so strange. odd. top 10 unexplainable things in the world.

so when I was younger I was ‘dating’ this guy on minecraft. there! i said the first sentence! cue laughter! meanwhile a guy at school had started to show interest in me (the dude above) and i mean. what was i gonna say. sorry dude i’m actually dating someone on minecraft so :)) can’t date you! but some friends got really curious about why I was so against dating him because we did actually get along pretty well as friends. and I wasn’t about to tell THEM the truth either. so i. so i- so. i um. i uhhhhhh. hhhhhh. i confess. the worst lie i’ve ever told. went something like

so the thing is I’m actually in a long distance relationship with someone, which is why I can’t date this guy and am not interested. we met in new zealand though! he’s in america now. it’s SUCH a weird story. we met in [insert place two towns over] and started dating and it was all going really well when his parents found out. they weren’t happy with us dating so they decided to move away so he couldn’t date me anymore. they moved ALL the way to the US just because they disapproved! we still keep in touch through messaging apps and that though. so. then my friends took me to maccas after school asking more questions and what he looked like. so I showed them his insta profile and explained a bit about him. that part wasn’t a lie but geez, THEY MOVED ALL THE WAY TO AMERICA FROM NZ BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T APPROVE? WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT ASS LIE IS THAT. THAT IS THE WORST THING I’VE EVER COME UP WITH. I THINK I GAINED MY ABILITY TO LIE SOMEWHAT WELL AFTER THAT BECAUSE IT TRULY COULD NOT GET WORSE. anyway. that’s something i never want to reflect on EVER again. thank god i’m only exposing myself to all of tumblr. i was like 14 or 15 there is no excuse for a lie that god awful at that age. and yet. ANYWAY.

that’s awesome though! 10/10 identity in my opinion, thanks for sharing!!! I came out to my entire english class in year 13 as part of a speech assessment just cause it seemed to fit the speech topic at the time and i was like fuck it. last year here. let’s do it. and my parents still didn’t find out. despite reading the speech. it was a coming out comment that clearly just went over their heads. they still don’t know. everyone else does. it’s wild. I feel you though. I’m so comfortable saying I’m bi or I’m gay or I’m queer or anything of the sort with people I know are chill but the ace side of things? it’s just trickier for me, at least. the first time I mentioned asexuality was to my Dad when he asked me to explain what the acronym LGBTQIA+ meant after seeing it on the news or something. So I went through each and explained them carefully so he understood. And I got to asexuality and I started explaining and he was like oh but that one’s a choice though with a very final sounding voice. And I didn’t really know my sexuality exactly at the time but I was questioning if I was ace and I was like ! neat ! i’m never telling anyone now ! i’m sure he didn’t really mean harm or anything and if i genuinely sat down now he’d listen but it was enough to keep that part of my identity more private. still i met a bunch of ace people at uni by accident in one class. it was rad. english attracts queer people i swear.

and omg, awesome! I hope it turned out well! well except for the shirt. but honestly, that seems like an awesome edition. i’m feeling a serial killer who collects the shirts of people whose heads they just cut off. who then wears them to bed to sleep in cause like obviously you can’t just wear that in public. what a vibe. also at 1am? sdkfjskdfsdf mood. i’m glad you’re vibing with it though!!

[c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a]

do you have a lot of headcanons? If so can you tell us them? :) 💕

HELLO IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT SKSHDHDH ITS A DOOZY strap in y’all

Connor:

- he’s VERY gay!! he figures it out pretty early in life and tries to tell his family, but they just kind of act like it never happened (internalized homophobia intensifies). he thinks that if he tells people he likes girls too that it’ll be less made fun of (it’s not)

- at first he paints his nails purely to get on his dad’s nerves, but then he likes it and keeps doing it (fuck gender, I’ll do what I want). in college, he goes by he/they pronouns

- he’s got BPD (borderline personality disorder) along with his depression and his family tries to treat it with everything but medication (which he desperately needs) bc they believe it can be solved without “getting hooked on drugs”. he’s also struggled with having an eating disorder.

- he’s rly artistic. his mom has always supported it, but when he brought up the fact that he’s interested in art school after high school, the dreams were crushed bc it wasn’t practical

- he’s got mild ADD!! so he’s been discouraged his whole life because teachers don’t believe in him and think he’s a bad student bc he just can’t focus (or he focuses too much, like with his art, and can’t focus on anything else)

- he’s like incredibly smart. he’d be a straight A student if he wasn’t so discouraged by literally everyone (school, family, etc)

- boi is a Sagittarius and u can’t tell me any different

Zoe:

- (like I’ve mentioned before) she dyes her naturally dark wavy hair blonde and straightens it every day so she’ll be less associated w her brother. people are surprised when they find out they’re related

- zoe is pansexual!! everyone’s hot. it’s a problem. she keeps this to herself because she’s seen how her family has treated Connor for coming out to them, and doesn’t want them to hate her too

- she’s a Virgo

- since she’s so likeable, she has a lot of decent friends. she’s friends with everyone. this also means that she doesn’t really have close friends and spends most of her time alone with her guitar. and...

- zoe’s an extrovert. she gets super frustrated when she can’t be around people, like her family, because they’re all shitty. she loves school simply because of the interaction she gets to have. she can’t wait for college bc of this. she probably posts her music on a private account just to get that interaction

Evan:

- Evan’s on the autism spectrum. this is based on a lovely post by sincerelymlb (x). more details about it are in that post!! seriously go read it

- Jewish!!

- Evan’s zodiac is cancer

- he probably has the worst body image of the main squad. I headcanon that this comes from his dad, who’s always made fun of him for his body shape (and everything else about him) even tho his dad lost a bunch of weight after leaving heidi in the most unhealthy way possible. he probably spews a whole bunch of unhealthy eating habits at Evan every time he calls. asks him how his “beach bod” is coming along

- a lot of people believe that Evan’s bisexual, but I tend to lean more toward demisexual biromantic. demi is on the ace spectrum, meaning he’s gotta have that emotional connection before he feels sexual attraction

- Evan’s been in therapy since before he started high school. he’s got every anxiety and also depression, and possibly a panic disorder, and since his mom’s a nurse she got him medicated. he doesn’t believe he needs medication bc his self esteem is so low that he doesn’t think it’ll fix anything (and doesn’t take it) so then the cycle continues. he doesn’t mesh with Dr. Sherman but he’s too much of a people pleaser to ask for a new therapist & because of this he doesn’t believe in therapy for a long time

Jared:

- aw man. Jared is so sad. all of his “friends from other schools” and “girlfriends” are fake, they’re all lies, his only friend is Evan and he makes up these stories so Evan will think he’s cool & not leave him :,) and Jared helped Evan with the whole lie situation bc Jared knows what it’s like to lie for your own personal gain :)))

- boi is a Scorpio

- Jared is similar to zoe in the way that he just thinks everyone is hot. he ain’t picky. honestly he takes what he can get like I feel like this boy would have sex with anyone

- I have this headcanon that Jared has two moms. idk why I just DO. and that he’s oddly protective of them and all lesbians (like Alana, but we’ll get to that in a sec)

- also jewish!!!

- I also have a headcanon that Jared picks on Connor bc he’s got a crush on him, and Evan because he’s got a crush on him, and Zoe because he has a crush on her, and—

Alana

- she’s a big ol’ lesbian. she figured it out pretty early on like Connor, but her family was supportive as hell so she never saw it as a bad thing. when she got to middle school and noticed all of the bigotry she figured it was a need to know kind of thing. she’d tell them if they asked.

- she’s got two dads, so internalized homophobia was never really a thing for her. they also shelter her & dote on her a lot bc she’s the only kid left in the house (she’s got older brothers who all graduated while she was in elementary school)

- Aquarius babey

- she comes across as very self centered, but she just struggles with interaction and hates silence. it’s almost an impulse to fill the silence, and she’s gotta ramble on about something or she’ll freak out, so she usually talks about herself bc it’s what she knows best

- she takes up extracurriculars to fill up her time, since she doesn’t have any close friends at all. being in every activity possible and stressing over how to manage her time is better than sitting at home and thinking about how lonely she is. she also has excuses not to hang out with people this way, because she’s afraid people will leave if they get too close

- depression & anxiety!!

if u read this far ur a BLESSING thanks for reading my rambles

[lovelahela]

❛ it lives in the woods ❜ ─ prologue

⇢ masterlist ; check masterlist for fancast!

⇢ pairing: noah marshall x f!mc (marisol reyes)

⇢ genre: horror

⇢ chapter: zero (prologue)

⇢ words: 2687

⇢ description: something old and powerful lives in the woods surrounding the small town of westchester... something that knows their names. tensions flare, old wounds are reopened, and lives hang in the balance of one, very important question: are you scared?

⇢ notes + warning: this story will include disturbing scenes, potentially dark/triggering subjects (including but not limited to underage substance/alcohol abuse, depression, anxiety) and strong language. reader discretion is advised.

        Tonight, the moon is playing peek-a-boo, weaving in and out of ribbons of black clouds scudding across the sky. Accompanying the flickering radiance of lampposts scattered across the small town of Westchester, the light of the moon stretched across the vast cluster of trees that surrounded it and to a cosy, modern house far away from said lampposts that stood out significantly next to the worn-out, withering shack that stood meters away from it. The town was characteristically quiet, its folk invested in whatever dream of winning the lottery and marrying the most good-looking Hollywood actor they were having. It was almost peaceful.

        The functioning word here being almost.

        Inside that modern little house lay a young teenage girl, fast asleep in the comfort of her mattress and scented candles. Marisol Reyes tried very hard to be normal, thank you very much. She ran two clubs, maintained outstanding grades, and managed Westchester High's successful swimming team as an efficient captain. Some might even say she was one of the "popular kids," but she was no where near that (proven by the constant degradation courtesy of Britney and her posse), and preferred to keep it that way. All Marisol wanted was to blend, to be away from the spotlight - she had enough of it after being drowned in all the wrong kinds of attention when one of her best friends perished a decade ago. Being pointed at by judgemental kids and gossiping parents took a toll on her, and she swore to go out of her way to erase the devastating, untimely death of Jane Marshall from her life - she would never be the "best friend of that girl who died" ever again.

        Although Marisol strongly refused her mother Soledad's advice to see a child psychologist and cope with the horrible trauma that cost her her childhood, she insisted that she was able to, get over it. She pushed aside the recurrent nightmares and the obsession with self-defense and martial arts classes, plastered on a smile, and said she was fine - every single time, all through the ten years of looking over shoulder and denying just how damaged she really was.

        The sound of violent vibrations against a wooden surface startled Marisol Reyes out of her uncharacteristically peaceful slumber. She jumped out of her bed and grabbed the kitchen knife that always lied stoically on her bedside table like a war veteran, hair frazzled and muscles tense. The focus of her almond-shaped eyes darted around the room frantically, fingers tightening around the hilt of the knife as her heart beat wildly in her chest. Once she could not make out an outline of an intruder in the darkness that enveloped the area, she realized the vibrations were coming from her phone, buzzing enthusiastically with text notifications. She groaned at her overreaction to such a harmless event while rubbing the sleep from her eyes and picked up the small electronic device in her tense hands.

TEXT MESSAGE

3:12 AM

UNKNOWN NUMBER

marisol, you there?

it's dan.

i messed up. i'm sorry, i'm so sorry

Mark as spam?

Block number?

        "Oh my God..." whispered Marisol, rereading that one text over and over again to make sure she didn't imagine it.

        it's dan.

        Those two words stole the breath and heat from her very skin. Suddenly her defenses are like paper, paper being soaked by rapidly falling rain drops. Dan Pierce. They hadn't spoken since the tragic incident a decade prior - after the funeral, the eight children went their separate ways, determined carry the truth behind that catastrophe with them to the grave no matter how deep they buried it inside of them. She debated replying - she hadn't so much as greeted him in so many years, and suddenly he bombards her phone with frantic messages in the middle of the night? Something seemed off. Marisol could practically feel danger creeping up slowly but surely behind her.

TEXT MESSAGE

3:15 AM

DAN PIERCE

marisol?

MARISOL

dan, hey.

it's been a while, u okay? what's up?

DAN PIERCE

i went into the woods.

i had to be sure, i had to prove to myself that he wasn't real.

that it was all in our heads.

but he is, mari. he's real. it was all real.

read 3:16 AM

        Marisol's previously tense hands began shivering vigorously along with the rest of her limbs, all of them weakening by the second. She closed her eyes and drew in long, deep breaths, attempting to calm down and muster up whatever courage she had left. She wasn't sure if the texts she responded with were an attempt to convince Dan, or herself.

TEXT MESSAGE

3:17 AM

MARISOL

hey man, u sure ure not drunk?

DAN PIERCE

he was whispering, just like when we were kids.

MARISOL

dan, please stop.

we made all that stuff up, we were kids.

mr red was just a dumb game that spun out of control.

we made it all up.

DAN PIERCE

 he does. he's with me right now.

MARISOL

for fuck's sake dan

if ure in the woods get out NOW

it's not safe in the dark

DAN PIERCE

i can hear him in the trees.

i can hear him whispering...

read 3:18 AM

        Marisol hissed a long string of curse words, fumbling around in the dark for her jacket. It didn't matter that they lost touch with each other, she couldn't bear the thought of losing him - of losing someone else in the disbanded group that she once would have said she trusted with her life. Maybe, if you dug deep enough through the traumatic, emotional baggage she lugged around every waking moment, she still would.

        Just as she snatched the keys to her mother's car (which she was only allowed to use in the case of an emergency, much to her dismay), someone rapped the window harshly, startling a shriek out of her. Her phone slipped out of her hands and landed on the wooden floorboard with an upsetting thud, just barely illuminating the room with a disturbing glow.

        With the manner of a paranoid animal about to get preyed on viciously, Marisol snuck a peek at the window. Her blood ran cold when she made out the shape of what she was hoping was a human. Wasting no time, she jumped towards her lamp and turned it on. A yellow light filled just enough of the vicinity - enough to see that the man waiting outside her window was none other than Dan. She heaved out a relieved sigh and opened the window  (reluctantly so), ushering him inside outside of the chilly embrace of the crisp night.

        He climbed into his former friend's bedroom, hoodie dirtied by mud and hints of dead leaves. His long hair was unkempt, his eyes were accompanied by worrying and prominent bruises under them, and what used to be his beautifully tanned skin was then pale and sickly as though he was near death itself. Dan sat hunched over on the floor like a frail puppet being held up by a single fraying string. It was horribly peculiar to see him like this - he always held himself with confidence, tall and muscular frame towering over even those taller than him. To see him lying on her floor, so vulnerable and beaten down, it was heartbreaking to say the least.

        "God, Dan, what happened to you?" asked Marisol, eyes softened with concern as she scanned his body for the injuries littered on his skin and mud staining his clothes. He looked up at her, expression shallow, striking a faint but growing fear inside of her. "How... how did you even get here? We're on the second floor."

        "I climbed." His answer was curt and simple, no emotion to his voice at all. Nothing in his eyes or the tone of his voice supported the signs of terrifying struggle that blemished him. Marisol gulped.

        "Oooookay, Spider-Man!" Nervous laughter cut through the uncomfortable silence choking them. She frowned and took small, careful steps forward as to not startle him. She crouched down to look him in the eyes as calmly as she should, slowly pulling down the zipper of his hoodie.

        "Listen, bud, why don't you take a shower? I'll wash your clothes, give you some of my dad's, and you can tell me happened, yeah?" Her voice was low and soft, as though she was consoling a frightened child. Peeling the hoodie off his slouched shoulders, she avoided his eyes, which were - very creepily - trained on her paling face. She sighed, visibly relieved when he decided to focus on the string of Polaroid pictures and what looked like dozens of framed award certificates hung up on her wall, suddenly completely neglecting her physical existence next to his enfeebled body.

        "I'm fine." His words resembled that of an accused, soulless criminal awaiting his punishment in court, perfectly trained to deny his guilt to his grave no matter what the situation was — it seemed to rehearsed. Then, abruptly, his head snapped in her direction and he grabbed her forearms tightly, staring at her with wide, crazed eyes. She could have sworn she felt all of her internal organs cease functioning for a split second and yelped pathetically. "Come on! We need to get the others!"

        Her breath hitched in her throat. She searched and searched her brain for the proper response, hyper-aware of the growing madness that distorted his handsome face. When she spoke, the pitch of her voice was a bit too high for her liking. "What — What others?"

        Dan's hold on her tightened noticeably, causing her to flinch and whimper involuntarily. A curt, mad laugh that sounded like one the Joker himself would utter left his lips. "Our friends, of course! Noah, Lily, Ava, Lucas, Andy, Stacy — the whole gang!" Another laugh that deepened the pit in her stomach, a laugh that would haunt her for days.

        Suddenly, Marisol regretted turning away psychological help. The rate of her breathing quickened anxiously as she felt a gate in her mind burst open, letting unwanted memories flood it mercilessly at the mention of their names. She could not see Dan anymore, only flashing images of ruins, of an eerie forest, and of nine children irresponsibly skipping through the trees, on their way to revisit the entity that would then change their lives forever. Her eyes were coated with a glossy sheen of tears that were more than ready to flow down her cheeks against her weakening will. When she finally mustered the courage to speak again, she whispered: "I've barely spoken to them for years, Dan. Not since Jane — "

        Before she could register what was happening, Dan stood up and pulled her with him with an unimaginable force that was sure to leave bruises. Their faces were uncomfortably close, so close she could smell the scent of blood and dirt that replaced his usual cologne. He stared at her like an enraged panther, tiny bubbles of froth forming at the corners of his mouth and face contorted with a venomous outburst. Fear was struck inside her that she felt in her very core — she almost thought he would kill her right then and there. "They have to come. Everyone has to be there. That's the rule."

        She could feel the sweat trickle down her neck, the throbbing of her tear-filled eyes, the ringing screaming of a little girl in her ears, and the thumping of her horror-stricken heart against her chest. "Rule?"

        The world stilled around them. Suddenly, she could not hear a single thing, not even her own breathing — only the awfully familiar words that the boy hissed: "Everyone plays together."

        Marisol could not have been more thankful for the sound of her phone buzzing yet again against the floorboards. She took that as an excuse to gingerly wiggle out of his loosened grip and, with shaking legs, approached her cell and picked it up. A crack tarnished the previously pristine screen, but she decided to worry about that later when it was a more appropriate time to fret over a slightly broken phone. 

        But what she saw was her breaking point. Her free hand reached up to cover her mouth and stifle a sob threatening to spill out of her quivering lips and before she could control it a steady flow of salty tears coated her cheeks.

TEXT MESSAGE

3:26 AM

DAN PIERCE

are you still there?

i think i'm lost

marisol? my battery's almost dead, please help me!!

read 3:26 AM

        The shock ricocheted up her skeleton; an enormous engulfing terror made her feel so, so sick in her mind and body. She's seen darkness before, the kind that makes an empty street look like an old-fashioned photograph, but this was different — this was the kin of darkness that robbed her of her common sense and replaced it with a paralyzing fear. By her genes, she is a predator with the intelligence and perceptive eyes to hunt, but in that moment, she felt like a helpless prey. Marisol slowly rose from the illuminating screen of her phone, her wide, suspicious eyes meeting his. 

        "Dan?" She sniffled weakly.

        Although his eyes were cold an empty, right underneath them a grin stretched his lips impossibly from one ear to the other, radiating clear indications of raging madness.

        "Marisol."

        She lunged for the knife on her bedside table yet again, shrieking as he took large and quick steps towards her violently shaking form. She searched desperately for an escape route that wasn't blocked by the towering body of the intruder in front of her but to no avail. He grabbed her wrist with a bone-crushing hold, squeezing yet another helpless screech out of her. Her voice broke when she cried out: "Dan, please! Don't make me do this!"

        And he did nothing but widen the frightening smile that would permanently etch itself into her retinas, haunting her every time she closed her eyes.

        So Marisol did the only logical thing her frantic brain could come up with — with a heart-wrenching scream, pained by having to inflict pain on a friend who was once very dear to her, she drove the blade of the knife into his abdomen. Much to her increasing horror, he did not so much as flinch at the pain, only tightened the hold around her throbbing wrist. He merely growled like a feral animal, burning holes into her with his enraged gaze. "Wrong move."

        Dan tackled her effortlessly to the floor, straddling her hips and forcing her into a cage that she would never break out of in her wildest dreams. He smashed her head against the rough surface underneath her, darkening her fading vision. "We all have to go back, remember?"

        "LEAVE ME ALONE! GET — OFF — ME!" She thrashed in his hold, no longer attempting to swallow the sobs. Finally, after agonizing attempts to kick and thrash and flail, she was able to free one of her hands and in result scraped her previously perfectly manicured fingernails down the skin of his face.

         A cry of disgust and disbelief bounced off the walls of the room when it peeled right off, revealing putrid flesh under it. His eyes rolled to the back of his head, leaving her to stare into milky whiteness while the stink of stale dirt burned the  insides of her nostrils. His long, skinny fingers curled around her neck, pressing, closing with a lack of mercy or remorse, feeling like tendrils wound around her oxygen supply. Despite her lungs blazing with agony, Marisol continued to fight fruitlessly until her energy started to dissipate like water going down a drain. Her hands fell to her side and her body grew limp, using her last breath to scream for help that, somewhere in the back of her min, she knew would never come. The last thing she saw before she embraced the coming blackness of unconsciousness was the ghastly monster that rendered her powerless and savagely tore open her old wounds.

[xnchxntmxnt]

Chapter Two - Turtleneck Sweater

“So it’s...Elliot?”

“Yup.”

“Not a name I'm used to hearing, sorry.”

“Well, neither is Decius, but hey,” they shrugged. “Anyway, you’ve had a better reaction than others have.”

“I’m sorry about that.”

“No need to apologize, Koushi, nothing you can do about it. I’ve learned to accept it.”

He smirked, nudging their arm with his shoulder. “Hey, at least I don’t get an ego hit anymore when you wear those basketball sneakers you loved so much in middle school. Nothing wrong with a dude being taller than me.”

Elliot laughed, taking a sip from his (new) monster. Since they knocked into each other, they started catching up (and he was nice enough to get him another monster). They hadn’t realized how long it had been since they last spoke, but it was nice to be in each other’s presence again. After all, the other was the reason they both made it through middle school.

It was safe to say, Elliot had missed his best friend. It had been too long since he and Suga got to spend time together.

Moving to Tokyo for their dad’s job left Elliot heartbroken and unsure of what to do—they weren’t exactly the friendliest person (understatement) and had trouble making friends in real life (also an understatement). Moving away from Sugawara was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do, but in the last two years, it was almost like it didn’t matter

Which was a really, really bad way of putting it. But it was the best wait he could think to explain. Over the last few years, they’d grown apart and rarely talked despite being so close from the age of five on up.

Then again, he never did well in awkward situations. And things had been awkward when he left. He never wanted to overstep anything, so kinda stopped answering his phone. Not intentionally—he never ignored Suga—but would go a couple of hours without a reply, then the other would go a couple of hours. Hours turned into days and days turned into not knowing how to start a conversation.

Which, again, was his fault. At least partly.

“There’s always that,” he laughed. “Seriously, though, thank you for being so chill about this, man. I appreciate it.”

“No problem, El—if that’s who you are, that’s who you are, y’know? Oh, am I allowed to tell my bandmates? They’re good friends of mine, but I’ve talked about you a lot the last couple weeks.”

“Yeah, sure—wait, that’s why you’re here?”

In the ten minutes of them talking and sitting on the curb, neither thought to mention what they were doing there.

“Yeah! That battle of the bands thing! You didn’t see us yet?”

“Not yet, no—then again, any time I’m not playing or practicing, I’m more worried about writing. I leave it to Akaashi to get videos for me.”

“So you can overanalyze them later?”

“You get it!”

“Same dumbass I knew in middle school, then,” Suga laughed, pulling out his phone to check the time. “Ah, hell—told my friends I’d be back in 15 and it’s been almost 30. I gotta get going, but text me later, okay? We gotta catch up sometime this week.”

“We do! Yeah, I gotta head out, anyway, no worries. Text me when you’re bored and we can talk for a while.”

“Sounds good.”

The two of you stood, Suga offering his hand to help them up. They took it with a grin

“I’ll see you later, then,” he asked, keeping their hand in his. With one look, they knew what he was thinking. They spun him, then he spun them around, the two of them high-fiving among several different moves they came up with as little kids.

They broke away, laughing. After all these years, they still had it.

They said their goodbyes again and headed off in different directions. He thought a lot on his way over to Bokuto’s, though—Suga had grown up a lot in the last couple of years. One would say he was pretty. Definitely pretty, actually. Maybe cute.

Unfortunately, the further he walked, the more he thought. And the more he thought, the closer he came to the decision.

Ah, shit. Cute boy.

♬♬♬

Within a couple of minutes of walking, he arrived at Bokuto’s place to hang out before Akaashi and Hiraku came over for practice. They rarely exchanged small talk anymore—three years of extremely close friendship will do that to someone—and Elliot just followed him to his room.

“Had to come out again today.”

“Oh, fun! Not fun? I dunno, how’d it go?” Bokuto asked, flopping backward on his bed. He kicked his fluffy blanket to the bottom, leaving room for them to sit.

“Well...not bad, at least. Just a little weird.”

“I get the feeling you’re gonna talk for a couple of minutes.”

“I don’t have to—“

“Elliot, no, that was a joke.” He sat up, grabbing his hand. Bokuto smiled gently, reassuring him as best he could. “Tell me about it. What happened?”

They squeezed his hand gently, glad for the extra comment. It was a common process: talking/thinking about too much gender stuff -> overthinking -> a little too much anxiety -> self-doubt or crabby mood. As many mood swings that Bokuto had, they knew how to get the other to cool off. Both knew Akaashi was the best with them, but they made do with what they had.

“You remember I moved here after middle school, right?” Bokuto nodded, so they continued. “Before that, I was in Miyagi, all that fun stuff. Anyway. A really old friend of mine is in town for the battle of the bands and I got to talk to him today.”

“Was he shocked?”

“Oh, not really. I’ve always been a little ‘different’ when it comes to style—hell, I started shaving designs into my head when I was...I think ten? Maybe nine. But he said he was happy for me and if that’s who I am, that’s who I am, y’know?”

Bokuto smiled, squeezing their hand. “That’s awesome! Love it when that happens. Good for you for telling him, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Elliot said, smiling awkwardly at him. They took their hand back, beginning to pick at their nails (like usual when thinking too much).

Bokuto took their hand back and leaned over to his bedside table. He grabbed a marker and handed it to him. “Draw me something pretty. No picking.”

They laughed, hanging their head for a second. The laughter increased when he started poking their arm, screeching, “don’t! Hide! Your! Smile! Elliot!” between each poke. It was a nasty habit of theirs that they were trying their best to break, but Bokuto helped a lot with it.

So, they took the marker and started drawing.

About a half-hour and several games of Uno later, Bokuto had both hands full of doodles and designs while they talked about anything and everything.

Somehow, they managed to get onto the topic of love lives.

“Look, dude, I am determined! I’m gonna get a girlfriend by the end of high school! Or a boyfriend. Probably a girlfriend though cause I dunno about the guy's part. But it’s a possibility!”

“Keep telling yourself that, Bo,” they rolled their eyes. He was so in denial, really. They and Akaashi had a bet going.

He pouted. “Hey, well, you’re not doing any better than me! At least I like someone.”

“So you admit it!”

“Not my point!”

They laughed, running their hand through their hair. “I mean, if you’re that competitive, there might be someone…”

“AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME???”

“Oh my god, shut up, Bokuto!” They swatted his arm (gently) and grabbed a pillow (proceeding to hide their face in it.

Bokuto only continued to pick on them for it. He tried taking the pillow from their vice grip, asking more questions and even tried rolling them off the bed, but they wouldn’t budge.

“Just WHAT am I your best friend for if you DONT tell me who you have a crush on??” he demanded, finally pulling the pillow out from under their arms. He then hit them with it before discarding it.

“Fine fine fine—if you want to know so bad, you have to guess.”

“But you’ll tell me if I guess correct?”

“No promises.”

“You’re horrible!”

“You love me. Take a shot at it.”

He thought for a moment, a starry, stupid look in his eyes. “OOH OOH OOH, DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME?”

“You’re disgusting.”

Bokuto clasped his hand over his chest, falling back on the bed like he’d just been shot. But very over dramatically. “You’ve wounded me!” Elliot kicked his leg and he shot up straight. “Okay, okay, okay, fine. What about...ooh, what was your friend’s name? Suga...sugaworo khaki?”

“Sugawara Koushi?”

“Yeah, that’s it! Him!”

Elliot sighed. There might have been some...feelings in middle school. But nothing they ever acted on. Not in a timely manner, of course. And now--shit, now he was gorgeous and all those crazy feelings from middle school were kinda coming back but also not really? Was he just thinking about this too much? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit--

“You’re blushing, El--”

“Shut up.”

He smirked, nudging their arm. “Why are you blushing, Elliot?”

“You’re horrible.”

“So I shouldn’t mention Akaashi right now, either?”

He knew just how to push his buttons, didn’t he?

No, he didn't...like akaashi like that, but he had to admit that he was great. Really great. Like totally want to kiss him sometimes great. But he didn't like him like that. They were just really close friends and knew each other better than almost anyone else and talked almost 24/7 and they wrote music a lot even though Akaashi barely knew anything about music and a lot of his songs were about him--

“You’re still blushing.”

Elliot sighed. So he was gonna play dirty like that? Time to pull out his trap card. Which sounded stupid but it worked.

He composed himself, blinked a couple of times, and smiled evilly at Bokuto. “So, Bokuto--how’s Hiraku?”

“Oh, now you're the horrible one!”

They laughed when Bokuto hit them in the head with the previously discarded pillow. He knew what talking about Hiraku did to him--he got embarrassed and pouty until he talked to her again, then his adrenaline shot up again. Freakin dork.

Yes, this is how i actually think. Yes, this is how character elliot's brain works. Im getting slowly more nervous about this because people get to see how weird i am lol. Anyway, show of hands, who wants to talk about who you have a crush on bokuto

Also hahaha i am very trans gtfo if ur transphobic

Is it bad i expect to lose followers for this lol

taglist: @ellewords @shoyotime @i-reblog-storie @tama-jam

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[lullaandby]

sincerely yours. c text

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short. 

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.  

 a  treasure chest of  anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy. 

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone 

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo!  You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation. 

"These guys are no good.

 Nah. Not like how they used to be. 

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior. 

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad. 

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

 Dad. We're done here. 

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold. 

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good  buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net 

there’s a photo of your neighbor, 

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year. 

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys. 

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the  fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts 

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Or 

Corninthians and just put in random numbers. 

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away. 

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese 

Do it out 

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out 

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

 they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

*

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas  for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set. 

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything 

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential. 

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl. 

Who was just one two many break ups deep. 

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny. 

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one. 

*

STORY- ME

*

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE. 

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office 

Keep talking about going to sweet greens 

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are 

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives 

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness. 

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething. 

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

To

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION. 

Repression  in females comes from mis placed  validation 

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS 

Jessica simpson? 

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it 

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane. 

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off. 

MOTHER SHAME. 

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage 

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except 

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack. 

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah. 

Just do it out. Oprah. 

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s  an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family 

Who came before them

As precious moments statues. 

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a  beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load 

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science. 

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS 

[james-a-b]

hey you don’t mind if i unload a fuck ton of shit on u do you?

good thanks i didn’t think so. today i’m talking about shit friends and the reasons i am one of those. this is gonna be a long ass essay so buckle in

right so i guess writing is cathartic and the entire idea of a therapist is to have someone to unload your shit onto. This is like, free therapy. so thanks in advance, or whatever.  this is going to be a long, rambling essay on Why Im A Shit Friend, and i’m going to start by diving right into the deep end with the shit that went down around Caitlyn. Next up will be Lyssa and why i don’t deserve such a great best friend, and then so on, and finally my conclusion. i don’t really give a shit who reads this right now, so if ur curious go the fuck right ahead

a lot of shit went down with Caitlyn in grade 12. she’s... she was one of my best friends, from 12 to 18, and i miss her. i also tried to call her today, but i think she still hates me. What happened was this: there was a boy. i know how that sounds, at first, but neither of us had any romantic interest in him. he’d been our friend since grade 7, and was closer to Caitlyn than me. I guess he’d decided he liked her sometime while i was away at private school (i was gone for five years), and instead of being a normal human and respecting her refusal he decided to pester her until she said yes. She never said yes, but she did cut him out of her life as much as she could. And then I walked back in, not knowing why they weren’t talking. I asked so many times, and neither of them would answer. Caitlyn told me i shouldn’t be friends with him, and that just made me confused. I didn’t take her seriously, because i didn’t know what had happened. so i kept talking to him, and she drifted away from me.

i suppose she cut me out of her life as well because she felt hurt that i didn’t listen to her. i should have, but how could i have known when she wouldn’t tell me what he’d done? For all I knew they could have had a disagreement about which zelda game was the best or something. Caitlyn was both stubborn and dramatic, after all, and Jory behaved as though whatever happened wasn’t a big deal. so I didn’t listen to her, she cut me out of her life, and then Jory got a crush on me. And again, instead of being a normal human, he tried to trick me into saying yes. I endured months of this, because i am nothing if not loyal to my friends, but it came to the point where everything was soured by him. So I did what I had to do and cut him out of my life. It was hard. We’d grown close over that year, because neither of us had other friends who weren’t busy or hiding from us. 

But I cut him out of my life, and i called Caitlyn, because she had done the same thing and i wanted to complain about him and tell her that she was right. she was.. very cold on the phone, though i didn’t know why at the time, and that was the last time she answered a call from me in over a year. I didn’t realize she was purposefully ignoring me at first. it took me about eight months to realize, actually, because we rarely called each other but when we did we would talk for hours. I figured I was just calling at the wrong times. 

I got in contact eventually, having accidentally embarrassed her into accepting my call by trying to fix things in public. I don’t regret it much, because we needed to have a talk. I missed her friendship so much. And i called that night, and found out she was angry at me, because i didn’t listen to her warning. i hadn’t once considered this might be the case, had just assumed she was avoiding me because i kept talking about him. we had a talk. I cried, i wanted us to try to be friends. She was more than a little reluctant. I can understand why, but nothing that happened was anything i wanted. if i could go back in time and heed that warning, i would.

it’s been half a year since that phone call, in which she eventually said that yes, she would let me try to fix our friendship. Today’s call was the first since then. I was kind of upset with her, too, for being willing to cut me out of her life over this. I didn’t want to call until I could forgive her, and she never called me. I don’t know if we’ll ever manage to fix our friendship, which was once one of the closest i’ve ever had.

i contacted Jory after eight months of silence on my end because i wanted to show him i didn’t need him in my life. I wanted him to know I was moving on. But i kept contact, and while i haven’t forgiven him for what he did to Caitlyn and I, he is my friend. And I don’t treat him well. He is the sort of friend who will go along with whatever you say, for the most part. And I boss him around a lot, i think. I never want to hang out in person. Sometimes i feel like i am using him as some sort of placeholder friend, like i’m waiting for someone better to come and take his place in my life. And whatever he has done, that’s not fair to him. And i hate doing it, i hate feeling like i’m doing it, but i don’t know what else there is. This is how our friendship has been for a long time, all teasing and banter and me bossing him around, and sometimes it feels wrong but I don’t know what to do about it. I tell him close to everything, i am more open with him than i am with any other friend, he probably knows me better than my best friend does. But he isn’t my best friend. I tell him these things because, quite simply, he’s there to listen to it. 

My best friend is always busy, it seems. I love her, but we rarely hang out, and we never talk about important stuff. I wish we could. I want to tell her about the scars i inflicted on myself when i was younger, and the empty feeling i get when my depression hits, and i want to talk to her about the things that interest me. And i want her to do the same in return. We’ve been friends since we were six years old, but there have been years in which we didn’t talk at all. I think the entirety of middle school went by without contact between us, and I am truly only in contact with her now because our moms were friends, and our sisters. I remember being in grade four, asking if we could play sometime else because i was in the middle of a book. I wish i’d put the book down instead. It’s seemed like she has been busy ever since then. I don’t think I even know what her favourite colour is. She knows mine is blue.

I am gratified by the fact that Lyssa’s anxiety doesn’t stop her from letting me see her at her worst, but I can’t help but wonder how I could possibly deserve that. I didn’t try to keep in touch or make time for her when we were younger. I should’ve. God, i should’ve. I wasn’t there for her when her dad started being a worse asshole than before. I Wasn’t there when her parents split, or when her dad left town, or when she broke up with her boyfriend for the first time. I didn’t even know he existed until they’d been dating on and off for a few years. But she says I will be their child’s uncle one day, and I will be her man of honour, and I don’t know how i could possibly deserve this.

In grade 9 i dated a boy. He was just like me, only (i thought) the opposite gender, and maybe with a few mental problems I didn’t have. We were good friends, but I didn’t like him romantically. It was my first experience with anyone liking me, and i didn’t know what to do, so I agreed to be his girlfriend and wished the feelings would grow from there. They didn’t. A year after that his tics got so bad he switched schools, and i haven’t spoken to him much since. I regret that. We were so similar, and i believe it’s rare to find someone like that. We could have known each other as well as we knew ourselves, if we had time and talked about important things instead of playing tag or whatever we did.

To summarize... I’ve managed to fuck up all of my close friendships in some way or another and god i hate it. i wish i could go back to before things went wrong with anyone. Maybe some things can be fixed, but the lost time can never be regained. And if i could only say these things out loud, if everyone i’ve wronged understood that i didn’t mean to, if they could forgive me for being so shit? well. i’d still not deserve them. And maybe that’s depression or insecurity talking, but does it really matter? It’s true.

glad we had this talk, or something. bye

[cheerisuu]

Im Back.

Boy, how time flies fast when you’re busy keeping things feel right. I mean, they’re supposed to be. I’m going to make this update as quick as i can and as precise as i can, bet i cant do both tho lmao.

It has been approximately 3 weeks since Rock Bottom (i guess it’s what you call it? Well, close.) and things has been quite, nice.

The month of July has really been a journey of what felt like forever. Today is the 12th of the month and i have come to the point where i realised that the mind is the only thing that keeps us from doing or achieveing something that we want. And this applies to a couple of situations:

I learned how to do a buck tuck.

This is one of the few things i achieved as i underwent through a “therapaeutic healing” after the incident. I surrounded myself with the few people that im friends with in our Pep Squad and fortunately my friend Dapitanon, P. also had a common friend which made our days more progressive. Just the act of cheering for each other to do one’s best really lifts everyone’s morale.

“It’s really all in the mind.”

We ARE physically capable of doing things but our mind seems to think that there’s an invisible obstacle that prevents us from pursuing what we want to achieve. I realise this as we were practicing for a back tuck, which i proudly achieved (with a spotter pa hehe). But that achievement was already some proof that if i can have control over my body, i can do all things if i just believe just enough to do it right. Heck, I think I’ll attach my tuck video somewhere on here.

1st of July.

We went to a dog cafe.

Idk what’s with me but i really like to do something special at least once a month with him and WITHOUT telling him. After all, I can’t just let myself be carried away with the emotions that lead me almost to the verge of thinking it was over, right? So despite our awkwardness and difference of treatment (slight), I still picked him up (with miraculously good timing too) with our Navara and was able to use it for the whole day before returning it back to my Granddad’s. Did i mention he got car sick? It was the cutest. (Am i weird for saying that? Doesn’t matter tho lmao) i thought of going to the dog cafe cause i was thinking, “Hey dogs can like help with your mental and emotional health right? So why the frick not.” Im surely going to post a little GIF here somewhere on how cute the doggos were. And when i tell you, dogs CAN bring the purest out of anyone. We literally were like talking to babies man and boy the dogs were HUUGE, only the pugs were like “hey hooman u can luv me unlyk diz oder bitchez” haha. But if ever things do go well for us in the future, we are DEFINITELY going to get a golden retriever man. It’s my dream!

Anyways, we also got to watch our first movie as “barkada pero gusto ang isat isa” or BPGAII, it was Toy Story 4. And bitch, dont get me started on how we were wondering if it was a child’s movie or not coz boi, we did NOT like the jump scares at ALL. But still, me being an emotional, soft potato, it still made me cry in the end. The meaning behind was great it was all about taking the risk, which was kind fitting? For him at least hekhek. Basically Woody chose to be with his hoe, Bo, for Buzz, his bro. But this aint no movie review so, *boop.

I gave him my skin care?

Ok tbh this was so random right. He realised my skin was glowing better (coz bitch, we aint lettin no sadness ruin this skin ya feel?) so he asked what was i using cos he was contemplating on his gorgeous face that he was getting ugly now. (The audacity, am i right?? Lol) so i CLEARLY (no pun intended) put into the effort of giving him some travel bottles and put in some samples of what moisturiser and micellar water i was using right, and i guess it worked out well? I also got to drive it TO him still. But the good side of this was i was able to be with my Granddad and spend some time together as his driver hihi.

LADY DRIVER.

So I’m getting good at this driving thing right, as driving from Malaybalay to Cagayan, Davao to Tagum and vice versa, Tagum to Maco and back. So i might as well be good at city driving and yall cant tell me otherwise lol,

(SIDENOTE:except for the fact i got stopped by the Yellow Ranger in Ecoland coz i was at the left lane at a traffic light and my mom told me to go straight WHICH WAS WRONG I GUESS THATS A THING RIGHT, so i was almost charged 1500 pesoses. But thank Heezuz i was with my mom and she was able to talk through the officer but sadly we had to name drop my Granddad since he was a known regional director at LTO before. Sorry Pops, i swear it’ll be the first and last time.)

Back to real time, i helped him with his errands and was really lucky with the timing coz my Dad went off for a trip and my mom was left with his car. So yup, got the chance to borrow it for half of the day and drove all the way to Maa to get a keyboard his friend is letting him use for the mean time, her name is Jen and she’s the sweetest. (No backstory will be dropped for privacy). Aight, so we drove back to their house at Magallanes but didn’t have enough time to say hi to his folks coz it was noon and they were on siyestas, right. I still regret why i didnt like fake-pee or something tho. HahahahahahahDONTJUDGE. We ate for some late lunch at SML and felt korek coz before we joke about “asa ta nag park?” And now we get to be in the situation haha. It’s funny coz just when i thought things were detoriating between us, the world just chooses to keep things tight and close and say something like “oh, u guys are having an emotional conflict and struggle about ur relationship? Here are things that only REAL couples do and i hope u enjoy em!!” Dumbass. Jokes aside, I drove him home and goodbyes are still awkward, but i was starting to understand the type of ‘low-key’ he means.

Usapang Gym.

Oh wow it’s already the fifth point. If you manage to read this far, congrats! You get nothing but to keep on reading this rollercoaster wreck lmao. I wasn’t expecting he would pay the whole month at our gym and expects me to come with him. And it came to me: i kept on thinking that i should ask for assurance but in reality, he really does mean what he said about just being “me”. Things were different but things also got better. It’s like losing some and gaining some right? Like a body excrcising, losing weight, gaining muscle, idk its a weak analogy but its close enough for yall to understand. It’s our first week today, (it’s Friday) i hope i could keep up tho haha. I guess I’ll keep progress updated? Idkidkidk. Also, i got to mention thats he is VAIN af. Idk if its a good thing or just a tragedy waiting to happen haha. I also became his coach, (oha san kapa haha), he told me he wanted help with increasing his verticle as he would help me with abdominals. So i bought sets of ankle weights only to find out the first one didnt suit him so i had to buy another set. AND IT WAS HALF THE PRICE I BOUGHT THE FIRST SET AND IT WAS BETTER. Prices will be disclosed. (250) So i like, i do my own workout right and he suddenly shows his hot-headed side of things coz he was upset he had to go home early coz there was this no-towel-no-workout policy at my gym so we had to cut our day short.

In times like these, my mind just goes to places to different situations. All the what-ifs start filling up my mind on how he could react to other situations that would cause a similar effect on what his character was showing right. But in the end, i still give kudos to myself coz im able to keep up and cope with how quick his personality changes sometimes. And sometimes, im the one with a crack on the head lmao. Well, most of the time.

TAKE AWAYS.

Fast forward to this very moment, its 11:30 in the evening and im recalling all of this on a positive note. Today was an addition to a great day we had as a rest day from gym. We watched Spiderman: Far From Home and i guess its now my current favorite and HAD to watch it twice.

Speaking of Twice, bruh i want to do a dance cover so bad of #Fancy or #YesOrYes coz i been itching and the choreo is sooo goood! Not to mention Twice was in Manila last 29th of June. *sighs in broke* but i cant say it was the best concert from them coz there were complications like Jungyeon had a sty and was wearing an eye patch the whole concert, Dahyun got sick after along with Mina who wont be attending the 2019 Twicelights Worldtour because she gets anxiety attacks and feels insecure about performing on stage suddenly. I mean i know you got no idea what im talking about but its just sad to think of the fact that even someone so adored by many people, someone who has great physical, social and emotional support, can still feel the lack of these mentally. And if you’re one of those people who feels anxious about anything? I hope you get well soon and i hope you find the true meaning of your purpose in this simulation, because you are not alone. x

In addition to almost wrapping this up, i also treated myself again something from Adidas (coz again, bitch, if no man gon treat me i gon treat myself! HAHA!) which i later on realise i now own 3 bags from there and thinking to get a fourth one....someone help me¿ i also have to mention i already treated myself about a week ago (🎶) by waxing my own axillae, grooming my own brows, a gorgeous lippie from Beauty Cottage called Elegant Impressionist shade #9 Byzantine for half its original price haha, nothing beats fishing me through a sale. Speaking of treat, my Dad gave me my first pair of Tigers man and i cant help but tell yall its the same pair that the He wanted and it totally pissed him off that i got the pair he wanted first so bad and now he doesn’t know what to do coz he’s afraid if we have the same pair we might wear it at the same time and it would be cringy and weird (now for normal people that would sound cute right, matching kicks and all. But no. Not in this lifetime.), since im just blabbering of how im spoiling myself might as well end it here folks.

Guess I’ll keep you updated on how stuff might go on from now since class is fast approaching. Tomorrow I guess I’ll be attending a send-off party for our friend she’s going to the U.S soon. Oh, did i mention the re-run for Endgame is out? 🤔

[zodiacale]

maybe it’s just the fact that I’m graduating in about a week and I’m in that weird end of the year limbo where school is essentially over but I still have to show up, but I can’t help but to reflect on whatever the past 17 years of my life have been.

I couldn’t really tell you what my childhood was granted I’ve tried blocking most of it out, but even the best patched holes don’t stay patched forever. I mean there are the glimpses of sunlight in how determined I was to get an Easter basket in pre-school that I was the only one to fulfill the requirement (mind you it was just to completely finish my lunch). There were the days where I would play on the swing set in my backyard, swinging as high as I could to reach the flowers on the bush that grew behind it and times spent running through sprinklers and slip n slides and catching fireflies at night with my dad. But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget the smell of the endless mental health clinics, psychiatrist offices, and social service offices. It’s such a weird smell ya know, the same bleached smell of a hospital covered up with some kind of scent that barely feigns comfort on a good day. I never quite realized how innocent I was now that I think about it, especially that one time I tried to show the police officers in my house all of my stuffed animals (some of which are still tucked under my bed today) because my only thoughts were “a friend???”. 

Middle school is an even bigger black hole, but a slightly less painful one. That school was ridiculously old (I blame it for my mold allergy and tired voice), but I don’t think I could’ve spent my three years anywhere else. I remember my 6th grade history teacher who is still obsessed with the local legend, the leatherman, giving us pencils on the last day of school that said “Historic Writing Implement C24″ which I’m able to quote because I’ve kept mine in the same spot for the past 6 years. I made most of my friends during those years (despite having fought most of them at the beginning), having been joined up with kids from the three other elementary schools in my town. Gym class in middle school is also unforgettable, the uniforms and mile runs, the lockerrooms filled with decades of that “ugh, gym” feeling. That building is gone now and I’ll spare you the imagery of hundreds of sweaty adolescents who aren’t all aware of deodorant melting away in a flat roofed brick building with no a/c in southern New England days before July. 

High school!!! An even weirder evolution!!!! It began without warning, I remember sitting in the back of my town’s green during the last summer concert watching the sun set with one of my friends and just mentioning how high school was starting the next day and sitting in one of those comfortable silences until it got dark and it was time to leave. I don’t recall sleeping that night, but for each passing year it got easier to sleep the night before the first day either out of the fact that the day was inevitable or I was simply more comfortable. I don’t remember any of Freshman year given there was one senior who can rightly die in a hole thank you very much!!! However, I did meet one of the teachers who has definitely impacted me the most and offered me one of the best academic experiences (she’s an Aries, ur welcome). Sophomore year was the easiest year of high school, but I did meet another teacher who’d become incredibly influential to me as a student and a member of society. I also took an adventure course that year where we’d go and climb trees and do team building stuff in the woods behind my school that essentially started the worsening of my anxiety, but there was a moment when doing the zip line (the last climb of the year) where it all just kind of fell away and hey I was done?? I also met someone towards the end of that year too that I’d have no idea what they’d come to mean to me and I still really don’t. One of my favorite memories ever came just at the end of that year. My dad’s high school was going to be knocked down and there was a little meet up there of people who wanted to see it before it was gone. My dad and I being a fun little gemini and libra +leo moon tag team decided to poke around and see if any of the doors were unlocked (here’s a post from that day) and we managed to find a way in. I remember roaming around the building and going into classrooms my dad had classes in and poking through the locker rooms and running around the gym turning all of the motion sensing lights on and going into the teacher’s lounges. We even found a way onto the auditorium stage from rooms backstage and tried to play the piano in the dark and found all of the squeaky floorboards and spiders. That summer and the first half of my Junior year ended up being a super low point for me mental health wise, but I like to think I’ve come a long ways out of that. Junior year was nothing spectacular or memorable either, but the spring and summer after it turned very sweet and full of butterflies. I think last summer was my favorite as it was my happiest after years of summer camp and depressing summers. I got to meet one of my long time internet best friends in person and spent so much time at my best friend’s pool and just sharing silence with her. There was also one day where my parents and I decided to explore one of the empty houses in my neighborhood before it got torn down as the sun started to set. The sky was completely clear and although the yard was completely overgrown, there were lots of crickets and cicadas and frogs. In the field behind that house there’s a little stream and marsh area and you could see the sun sparkling off of it and deer were running around back there and the moon was waxing a crescent, it was incredibly beautiful. I also got to go to Florida which was essentially just me rolling around in hotel sheets smelling like sunshine, chlorine, and perfume, and falling in love with the busboy whom I’ll never see again at some restaurant in the middle of the night, but that was ideal by my standards. Senior year hasn’t been terribly exciting either, being focused mainly on college stuff and not senior sliding!!! I spent an unusual amount of time being sick so I have a lot of those weird days where I don’t know if they were a fever dream or what and I’m not sure how many of them have impacted my decision making skills. It’s weird feeling the year coming to a close, turning in books and walking out of rooms I’ll never step into again. It’s been especially painful wrapping up the last pieces of my art work and bringing them home knowing I’ll never make another piece in high school, or for all I know, ever again. Also, it’s interesting to see just who comes out of the woodwork as your friend or someone who has a friend crush on you as they’re faced with never seeing you again. 

I’ve been spending my sundays on my grandpa’s boat and although it’s always fun, you eventually have to go back to shore and go about your life on land. But hours later at night once you lay your head down and close your eyes, you can still feel the rocking of the waves and I let it lull me to sleep.

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘