lullaandby - Tumblr blog

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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SECTION A.

DIC PICS

THANKS NANA

TELEMARKETING

BE AN OLD LADY

Story- old people stories

***

SECTION B.

UMAMI

STORY- MADONNA

BEST LIFE

MHP

MOMS NEW CAREER

2. THE SHIT PARENTS SAY

5. THEMS THE BREAKS

7. STORY. Something my parents did on me

8. As a “lesson that I do back”

9. -stealing the balloons//

10. -the special dolls// it’s my affection

11.

12. Story. When you parents get nuts

13. Dad always

14. Mom working

15.

16.

17. MY STOMACH ISNT FLAT

18. *

19.

20. SECTION C.

JIZZ FOR JESUS

ST HORROR

FIREY PITS

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

BIBLICAL HERO

PORN HUB THE WORLD

LADIES NIGHT

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

STORY- ME

Old sunshine thought of revenge

Just settle for the good parents visit

FOR REAL REVENGE

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

START OF Repression

COME A LONG WAY

MONGOOSE

VALIDATION STATION

THAT FREIND

DOWRY

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

A FEW MORE STEPS

SECTION F.

METH NANNY

Story-Trisha

OVERSHARE

TRYING

ROCK BOTTOM

ASS THAT WON’T QUIT

*build out

Maybe what you thought you’d do as a kid

Business ventures

Work// office rips

-bosses

-ppl

Work parties

Work gifts

Work birthday cards

Admin assistants.// mid level managers

Some are like bold coyotes you have to stand them down

Others are like waiting for dial up

spouses Having people over from work

STORY- work

Competitive sports at work

LIFE IS MONOTONOUS

PAINT NITE

REAL HOBBIES

SECTION D

KNOW YOUR READY FOR KIDS

GROUPSEX

BJS WHOLESALE

FIND U A MAN

POETRY

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MALES AND FEMALES

WHY WE KILL THEM

WHY THEY KILL US

MARRIAGE VS DATING

DAVIDS BRIDAL

BEST PART OF BEING SINGLE

S-CAVEAT EMPTOR// ECONOMY MODEL HUSBAND

S-BLACK LAB

S-TUNA MELT//BJONES

***

SECTION E.

Emotional baggae

Tauma report

CHINA STUDY

Popcorn and maraschino cherries

CAN’T HANG

FREINDS (material)

- Dave Mathew band concert

AFFIRMATIONS

QUESTIONABLE INTESNSITY

ORPHANS

MID LEVEL MANAGERS

FRIEND BREAK UPS

***

SECTION G

MOCHA

OUTRAGE

CRAFTS

STORY- affirmative action

***

SECTION H.

DIC PIC

DIC AS CURRENCY

DATING (material)

STORY- DATING STORIES

-pimple guy

-scat Guy

BALTIMORE BUTTS

(TRYING HARD AS A LADY)

CAHTZ

SUPERIOR SEX

**************************

SECTION I. (Insert wherever in show)

2. NERDS

2. ARTISTIC INTEGRITY.

TRUE FEMINISM

PROTEST

Discussing gay rights and homophobia with a solid idiot

Low budget music video. Comparisson

***********

SECTION A.

THANKS NANA

TELEMARKETING

BE AN OLD LADY

Story- old people stories

THANKS NANA 37 seconds

Guidance around reproduction changes tremendously as your age increases

In your 20s it's-

{voice second grade teacher}”hey. you literally have your whole life ahead of you, dream big.

Really Think about what type of family you'd like to have."

In your 30's it's-

{voice. Delores} " hey. Listen. If you're lucky enough to find a gentleman

who will put up with your particular brand of nonsense-

You better be pragmatic.

Just let a few slide in there."

Thanks Nana. Good looking out. Always got my back.

TELEMARKETING. 40 seconds

My favorite moments are when family members,

The variety only seen at sporadic events like funerals-

approach the topic of child bearing with such force as if there was a commission based payout for their efforts.

{cousin Linda} Hi Ms. Galvin, it's cousin Linda.

(Sniffle. Throat clear )now- I just wanted to circle back on your womb intentions.

The last time we spoke you were undecided -

NOW Because you're a special member of our family I'd like to interest you in a brand new offer that would be perfect for you-

embryo harvesting.

No thanks.

BE AN OLD LADY

SECTION B.

UMAMI.

There was a woman who made a post about wanting to borrow a cat from someone

So that her children could live out the fantasy of having Garfield over for a lasagna dinner.

If I ever asked my mother that she would give me the newspaper strip of the cartoon

and let me know that’s what I’d be eating.

She would however throw in a umami packet for flavor

Story- madonna

No body is afraid of my mom now.

2. BEST LIFE

3. My mother recently retired and decided that this year she was going to live her very best life.

5. So far her efforts exist of the life changing choice between sand dune and waffle cone two

6. Thrilling shades of beige for the downstairs bathroom.

9. MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL

10. Growing up I asked to see a therapist as my idea of a fun playdate was-

11. Opening up a cabinet, chucking the entire contents

12. And gently settling them back in an organized fashion.

13.

14. Which if you’ve ever spent anytime around kids classified me with a disorder just known as

15. weirdo girl who rearranges shit.

16.

17. My mother informed me that she was my therapist.

18. With a real level of confidence, like I should just know

19. That our entire family is going to make up my team of health care professionals.

20. Who is my dentist? Grandma?

21. Seem sketchy as she..

22.

23.

24. To her credit, no one told my mother that daily episodes of Steve Harvey does not

25. A mental health professional make.

26.

27.

28. MOMS NEW CAREER

29. Teri does have a new job.

30. She buys furniture so often I recommended her to be in the 1930s industrial revolution

31. As it utilizes her skills and is alignment with some beliefs.

32.

33. Just kidding she’s settled in on a cake baker

34. Where she insists on baking cakes for your celebration

35. Then setting them up and pretending to not suck all

36. The attention out of the room

37.

38. Just kissing she’s a full time narcissist.

39.

40.

41. THE SHIT PARENTS SAY

42.

43.

44. THEMS THE BREAKS

45. Using things against them.

46. That they taught you were rules.

47.

48. Story-stole something and she made me go back (something about flipping it back)

2. FIGHT TO THE DEATH

4. Winner gets all expense paid trip with mom.

1 note · View note

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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SECTION C.

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

*****

SECTION D.

KNOW YOUR READY FOR KIDS

You know your ready for kids because

Before when you didn’t get your period and you weren’t having sex

All you would do is just be like wishing your uterus fondnesses

Thinking that she finally quit,

Because you can’t blame her all you see around you is nonsense

Hopefully she is living out her dreams in tiajuanna on a donkey

Wearing a sombrero and partying with a small person,

Who she has to set boundaries with because she’d very into

Group sex and that’s not her jam

GROUP SEX

Steph and group sex

Have you ever had a friend who is either being very sexually curious

Or has a really specific thing that they want to try and they’d like

You to come with them so they just start injecting it into conversations?

FIND SOMEONE

You can’t seem to find anyone yet every single member of the Duggar family is married.

That’s a lot of kids and you still can’t get a date to last past month three.

BJs WHOLESALE

FIND U A MAN

There’s a lot of dating advice out there for ladies but the best is-

Find u a man who looks at you

And takes care of you like he does his own penis.

You’ll have

infinite protection

Generous massages

Fresh assortment of culture- movies and photos

Literature in the form of light reading

Long trips

Shelter

If you have sad emotions he’ll do anything to take care of you

And

Poetry.

POETRY

Found a website called Hogtied, part of a collection of websites called kink. All the women were tied up. Hot. They also all had clips on their nipples. Sure. The dudes fucking them had locks on their balls.

I'm young, I just assumed that's how adults fucked. So I found some bigass locks for a locker, locked my balls, and started rubbing. It was uncomfortable, but if that's how adults fuck, then I guess I'd better get used to it.

I'll never forget when I finally came. I felt warm inside, like my soul was being cradled by light, all emanating from my dick.

I'm just glad my roommates didn't happen to come downstairs and see me putting mustard on my dick illuminated by the gentle glow of the open fridge”

PEZ "Sat at the edge of my bed and catapulted starburst off my rock hard dick into the bobbing maw of a lovely lady I had harbored a crush for for many years. We are still in romance."

"I'm a grower not a shower so I like to take my scrotum and encase my penis with it. Then when I get an erection, it's like an emerging butterfly."

DIFFERNCE BETWEEN MALES AND FEMALES.

WHY WE KILL THEM

Let him live.

Riffs on how ladies don’t listen

Like a dog in a cone

We are always trying to do most likely way too much

WHY THEY KILL US

He is constantly on a voyage to my boobie.

If I look inside his head it often times it will be like this:

Entry log number 654. I’m approaching the boob.

How men don’t listen

How they are so sensitive and we are so so mean

My husband is one of the most sensitive people I know

He bruises like a soft Carolina peach

OK he’s only that way with me b/c he loves me and same with me to him.

So why would I put it in that context?

How about

My husband is so sensitive he has a thick cock?

PHD. /// BOB

MEN ARE A LOT MORE SENSITIVE

Men ae more sensitive but if their values don’t align with yours

FORGET IT.

But we are the same we just keep seeking the validation from them that we don’t give ourselves.

MARRIAGE VS DATING

You stick around for varying reasons

You can’t talk shit behind your husbands back

Not only is it rude

It’s ineffective

Gotta do it right to their face but they are so sensitive

So like to give him the same petty sick burns I give to a female

He doesn’t quite get it which is amazing

When he tries to do it back he does it with sports or movies

And I’m like yeah but I still pulled in money

You my friend are giving questionable hand jobs in the back seat of a car

DAVIDS BIRDAL

BEST PART OF BEING SINGLE

Jelly bean jar/ hyptoenuse

You’ll never figure it out because couples lie

S- CAVEAT EMPTOR//Economy Model Husband

Black Lab

Story- TUNA MELT//BRIDGET JONES

Just don’t care

*****

SECTION F

OVERSHARE****

METH NANNY pt2. 20 seconds

My go to overshare detail

Is that I’m a nanny and graduated from college

Some people quickly catipult into concerned pity.

They'll go-

"ohhhhhh nooooo. what happened? {really dramtic sad face}

did you take a slipsy- slidey into the meth-em-phetamines?

it that what you did?

well you have all your teeth, so, it looks like you're on the upside of things"

TRYING 20

I want life advice from a person whose stumbling onto their own personal truth-

The guy in the office who does barely any work,

yet has taken it upon himself to give all the ladies in the office massages-

He's found own glory in caressing Edna's sciatica.

BUSINESS VENTURES.

Sending off used panties, Netflix dvds

ROCK BOTTOM

Some jobs feel like your own personal rock bottom.

In reality you're in an office watching an excel presentation

But in your soul you’re standing in the middle of Target holding a bag of sun chips and trying to move slowly because you just had an accident in your pants.

ASS THAT WONT QUIT 15

Some people have told me that I have an ass that won't quit,

which is strange.

I've never stayed in a job past a year.

So Historically I'm a quitter and I'm pretty sure my ass follows suit.

Stories- work

*******

****

SECTION F.

CANT HANG

FRIENDS (material. )

AFFIRMATIONS

The biggest cautionary tape is When a friends occasional affirmational FB posts turn into daily ones.

I called up one of my best friends after seeing her posts and asked if her marriage- which had been rocky for several years had finally ended.

How did you know? She said.

If I had strung a week’s worth of her posts together there'd be fantastic copy for a new anti- depressant commercial.

FRIEND BREAK UPS

TRUE FEMINISM

QUESTIONABLE INTENSITY

Friends who are Fathers can be slightly overprotective of their daughters,

And mothers can have a questionable level of intensity with their sons.

My friend pointed at her son as he was playing with Legos and said, "oh my God.

Isn't he soooo hot?"

I had to remind her, " ah at one point he relied on you for sustinance-

and that’s Nasty Caroline.

And she said, " I know. I know-

{caramel voice} But oooooh gurl if he didn't, Hey baby . I see you. Keep building that tower."

We then had a conversation on what voice intonations are available to nice white ladies from the suburbs-

That’s not one of them.

Not for you girlfriend.

Ditto to any snapping motions.

Twerking on a case by case basis.

SECTION G

MOCHA

OUTRAGE. 25 seconds

When a white Person stands up for issues facing people of color with such force-

It feels incredible.

Wow Luke. You really care. Super woke. Good job.

Then you see that same person display the equivalent level of outrage-

for an empty ketchup bottle.

And you realize just they're working out a wide array of anger management issues.

Not really. on. my team.

CRAFTS

Thank you. To the white people who actually do something.

Any show of support is great but I do have some questions.

To the people who went into their craft bins and got pins, to affix to their shirts and show solidarity.

ah- but you had a whole craft bin.

I’m not saying anything fancy but a little flare would have been appreciated.

A hat with a pom pom?

Story- affirmative action

****

SECTION H.

DIC PIC. 20 seconds

I've been working with kids for about 15 years, that means parents periodically send me unsolicited snapshots of their little cuties.

Which- is the same as a dick pic.

That little head pops up on the screen, {hand movement} and all life choices need to be reevaluated

DIC AS CURRENCY. 20 seconds

I heard a person say “that’s going to cost you a dick pic”

Hmm. Have things gotten so real with bitcoin we’re now using Dick pics as currency.

Starbucks girl:Venti iced coffee. Ok that will be two chodes and a a gagger

Me: ok, here you go.

Starcucks girl: Oh okokok. Sorry um that’s only one chode.

Me: Oh I’m sorry. I was trying to be generous.

Never gotten a dic pic :(

I have never gotten a dick pic.

Perhaps it’s because my personality is it’s own restraining order.

I used to be sad about that in my twenties.

The same way I was sad about having small breasts,

I mean let’s be mature and call them tiddies-

In my twenties.

But then you wake up at thirty two, the sun shining in your apartment and you go out for a ice cream sandwich without a bra and watch a couple looking miserable

And it all makes sense

DATING

Dating-stories

Cemetery guy//soap

Divorced guy with ring

BALTIMORE BUTTS. 50 seconds

Ladies have a tendency to set the expectations of themselves incredibly high.

Take body maintenance.

My friend gets electrolysis everywhere,

including. her butthole.

Which is not only fiscally rediculous-

It's a welcome statement.

NOPE. mmmmhmm not here.

I need my butthole to be COMPLETELY terrifying.

You're driving down a really pleasant residential street and you see that one house that gives you the chills and you have roll up the windows.

That's the aesthetic I desire.

A creaky step. Some chipped paint. Screams from the inside. Ace.

It's tricky though because of the close proximiity to my punash, which needs to be incredibly welcoming.

It's doable.

Have you ever been to Baltimore or Philly?

***tag

So, possible. Just give specific coordinates.

BB tag. Dinner party.

***

2. CAHTZ (differences between men and women)

3. Girls are always covering for cat’s poor behavior past or present

5. “Yeah well what did you do to the cat?”

7. Boys are always selling

8. At least one sports team’s merits even if they don’t like sports.

SUPERIOR SEX.

There is no superior sex

If men were the superior sex

They would tell ladies that if you swallowedjizz

You’d loose 10lbs

If women were the superior sex

They’d bottle up all the hope in a mans eyes

When you talk about blow jobs

And just place it in a jar.

Just unleash it like fairy dust

Or whatever they use to make Disney world so magical.

SECTION I

2. ARTISTIC INTEGRITY.

3. Brother is a nerd

5. NERDS

7. Valuing yourself for your intellect is no different than valuing yourself for your looks

10. Put you down for not knowing things

11. Ask about things they know you don’t know

12. Have side conversations with other people who know things and laugh at a person not knowing

13. Act like your like you’re stupid b/c they had certain training without talking to you

14.

15.

16. They don’t value.

17. Having athletic ability

18. Knowing about pop culture

19. Being able to socialize

20. Being able to build things in a blue collar way

21. Having a work ethic that doesn’t require “difficult” mental tasks

22. Being kind to people who don’t have influence

23.

24.

25. Things they do.

26. Being lauded for smart achievements

27. Knowing things in their field

28. Knowing niche culture things

29. Not caring if they are cool (but caring)

30.

31.

32. Things they get pissed off on.

33. If you don’t validate their knowledge

34. Making fun in anyway way

35.

36.

37. The kardashians of education.

38. Look at all this intelligence just look at it.

39.

40.

41. Reformed

42. Married a wife who dragged him away from his home base of friends

43.

44. Double down

45. Always ready to quiz you on arbitrary topics

46. Like doughnuts

47.

48. Dabbling

49. Until you hit a point of their area of expertise

50.

51. Professor

52. Debates and bows out when they loose

(The only thing we have in common is our insane parents. He doesn’t like religion I love it)

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years ago

Text

LS WOULD NEVER EVER

be in a open conversation about how she may have done something wrong to hurt someone else feelings

the stuff about ES would NEVER be brought up b/c KF has said her own stuff about her and LS made sure she was regularly iced out by lots of people SHE MADE SURE OF THAT

now. the whole stuff thats going down with KF AND ES oooohooohhhhhoooooooooooooooo CHYYYYYLD. that is just ripping her up

and ER and KL are now flapping in the wind being slowly pulled in by KF, ES AND KMc BUT THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN

b/c ES was onto her

AND THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN B/C LS THINKS SHE IS CLEVER BUT SHE ISNT AND SHE IS TOO IMPULSIVE

THE ONLY WAY SHE COULD DO THIS IS WITH MAGIC

and i would have said that as a joke but she went above and beyond

b/c she wants to be the ruler and

she and ES HAVE BEEN IN BATTLE MODE FOR A LOOOOOONG TIME

AND KF let her wear herself out and now the two have aligned

LS WILL NOT AND CANNOT SHARE THE SPOTLIGHT AND EXPECTS THAT EVERYONE HELP HER AND GIVE HER HANDOUTS

BUUUUUUT WHAT KF was doing was also wrong from the start she’s not gonna let LS get her glow up before her

LS started to see this and then started plotting

she also saw this from KMc so she said

NO ONE IS STANDING IN MY WAY

and guess what?!

if ur good no one will but

she don’t wanna consider options and wait until the time aligns

she wanted it all then

b/c all these other people are moving to nyc and getting big stuff and she wants that too BUT NOOOOOOW

WITHOUT POLISHING UP

WITHOUT NETWORKING WITH THE RIGH PEEEPS

WITHOUT SHUTTING HER MOUTH AND NOT GOSSIPING AND BLOWING OPPURTUNITIES B/C OR HER MESS-SY BEHAVIOR

SHE WANTS ALL SHE WANTS

SO. SHES COOKIING UP A BIG SCHEME

and here i come saying “something smells funny” i dip out

i say nah it’s u who be farting and i see you

you smelling that ish too

AND SHE IS FUUUUUUUUUUUCKED

but it’s working so what does she do-

set us up

and there are levels to her plan

and if it doesn’t work she wants us to take the blame

BUT THAT SHIT DOESN’T WORK

and she is hardly practiced

BUT ALSO IT DOESN’T WORK

AND THIS ISN’T ABOUT HER OR ANYONE ITS ABOUT US

and she will never understand that

and so now she’s got those two after her

pluss Kmc

AND IT’S ABOUT TO GET UGLY

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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everything in it’s right place

so for LS

it was

- why can’t you accept that sometimes people do mean things when you hurt them

-you hurt me several times by talking to someone that i told you threatened me and you didn’t protect me from her

b/c LS is now recieving this maternal comfort from me and playing out her maternal deficiets on me in part b/c she really wants to do this with KF but she is having a very challenging time realizing that KF is really a nasty person

BUT

the same thing regarding DKP is playing out with me as it was with KF

LS told DKP lots of her secrets b/c she lost herself and they had an open conversation about some of their deep famililal trauma

DKP was attracted to LS b/c she does have natural talent AND and this is the big AND she is friends with KF

DKP cannot get into the girl group one and the cool crew

she has created an ilusion that she’s in the cool crew, but she isn’t

she has her own little mini group of people who are in the cool crew

the only person who is really in the cool crew is it’s creator and maaaaaybe JL

THE WHOLE COOL CREW IS AN ILUSION

but the cool crew was created really as just a tool to mimic the power of the girls group and the power of these guys groups and the power of the CS cool crew

aha! the CS cool crew and the girls group is an offshoot of this

so JC made her own comedy cool crew and IT WORKED

pluuuuus the energy stuff

but DKP and LS connected over this issue that it’s bullshit

that was where they bonded

KF can’t relate to ANYONE so she does the school marm, mentor act

but she is not doing well b/c she can’t network

now LS is starting to

DKP is seeing she is rising a bit and she genuinely wants to see what shes about

they overshare way too much

there was a fight between the two of them b/c LS made some comment to DKP and she tweaked. IT WAS LITERALLY OVER A BURRITO. probably DKP ws hurt that LS hadn’t given her the attention she wanted, DKP OVERRACTS and now she is in crisis control mode

LS IS SCARED OF HER.b/c and i can attest to this- the way she acts when she messed up is CRAZY and it’s very instantaneous. LS though is scared of her b/c she has told her lots of secrets and invested in her and she thought that DKP is in the cool crew and is terrified of her.

now this was all in december.

come that feb LS is in full gear trying to prove that DKP is nuts

b/c she has told her way too many secrets

sound familiar?

she is gaslighting her so so much and has gotten lots of ladies in a tizzy over her so much so that she feels sick going out in public and being around lots of ladies

all she did was have an overraction to what LS said

but here’s the point- LS once she pulls you in and you have a conversation with her and she feels like she’s given you something YOU NOW OWE HER

and she feels justified doing anything to you and will start rumours and a shit show around you until you are vilified

****

but heres the other thing. OLD ASS LADIES WHO ACT LIKE THIS ARE OBVIOUS IN THEIR CRAZY YOU JUST GOTTA LOOK AND STAY AWAY

younger girls say under 28 are kinda just going through the shit and it may nor be intentional but still just gotta watch

girls in their 30s maybe to about 35 yeah mayeb going through some shit, BUT it’s clear if they are tapped after sometime

OLD ASS LADIES ARE OBVIOUS YOU JUST GOTTA WATCH

they have tricks that they employ to smooth this shit over

and it always involves hanger aorund younger ppl they can use and tirck

they will be around older people BUT OUTSIDE OF WHATEVER PLOY THEY ARE RUNNING AND JUST SOCIALLY and their demeanour is really different almost little sister like

*****

DKP is now terrified of LS

LS is still scared of DKP

THEY will be like this until one of them gets in trouble and it has to be big trouble so they again will battle out, but they will keep getting stopped as long as they have these pawns and there are a lot of them left

but now its gone outside comedy and into peoples personal lives

but it has been like that for a while due to LS, b/c she pulls in everything, she has no boundaries and thats what DKP liked at first but now it’s scaring her

LS views it all as a soap opera

LS brings her kids into comedy, no problem she had no boundaries

she has no clue how to protect herself and she just continually makes things worse especially when she is in need of attention or control or looking like she is powerful

she never solves things she just makes stuff worse and there is NEVER any breaks or moderation

when shit gets too much, she takes drugs either prescribed or pain meds

or she develops some condition and then gets a surgery and it’s just a constant shit show

***

your point is that she was her own part of orchestrating this for me and primarily for you b/c she knows you were coming to help me

she wanted me to have a repurcussion for leaving her

she wanted to know that she made my life miserable for a period of time

and then just scoot off to whatever else she wanted to do

and it just wasn’t working

she was pissed about this b/c it did work on other people

and this made her feel outdone by me and now,

scared of me and you

her thought was- what’s going to happen?

i better make them look even worse

and so we had to lift up b/c we had two big ones

tg, ls, and potential a1- if we weren’t mindful

and then have enough energy to do big sweeps

and put things back in their place

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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ls + dkp

-linked by

--- same feelings of rejection by same people

--- awe and jealousy over same people

-this acitivity bonds them

the suitors

ok. so part of it was to

-tempt us

-freak us out

-get us onto other people as culprits

when we got onto other people as culprits to goal is for us to then

-fight with them

this then

-creates tension and drama that

--- they can spin as “oh look at them they are doing bad stuff”

and oh look they did yxz

-it also creates long standing tension FOR NO REASON

WE DID NOT HAVE A LOT OF ENEMIES WHATSOEVER

*****

without the sm cover

there is the ability to drum up a lot of drama that I am

stealing you from someone, and that makes me bad + powerful

this is the angle they have decided to pursue

b/c it plays into both CW + JC

(side note. CW + JC are ESSENTIAL in their plan from the beginning all the way through here’s why-

those are the only two who have burning animosity towards me

AND

here’s the part where this is distinctly tied into circumstances

those are the two that they are obssesed with

and would like to get away with doing stuff to)

the fact that i can steal someone makes JC + CW

feel justified in their feelings of animosity towards me

not that, someone liked me over them

this is something those two had a hard time processing with regard

to me b/c

- I was doing well in comedy without giving them any attention

to them it was like “how can this be? i have a strategy that makes everyone kind of want to be associated with me on some level”

and i did not, nor was i intimidated by them

now, with time this would have healed over

BUT.

LS+ DKP wanted to riled this aspect up and get me introuble with them

IF i am coming back----

now ask yourself why

b/c they were trying to get close to those two and I am going to ruin it

and so are you.

not only that but if they are exposed for what they are doing

those two are the ones who will do it

and those are the two they are obsessesd with to beat and for validation

THEY ARE TERRIFIED OF THOSE TWO SHUTTING THEM OUT ENTIRELY

IT MEANS SUDDEN DEATH.

i have shut them out, and you are getting too close to making inroads with them

and when we connected it meant those two were DONE.

now.

as a way to prevent this

-try to keep us apart

not working

so there comes the strategy of slam us with energy

and in the meantime try and work out a way to make me

look like i stole you from someone else

this is also crucial b/c LS + DKP were running amock now

and didn’t want to stop and they did not want to be outed OR

loose their power

however the power is only temporary anyway, they do sense this and get it

b/c they don’t know why they got this huge bump up

however they are realising that when they piggyback off negative energy things start to work

and so while they can they want to drum up as much drama to fuel negative interactions from us to others as they can

so without the sm cover

they are going to find someone who likes you and say that i stole you from them.

if we just moved forward and quit,

that feels yucky.

and you want and need, as do i to see this through

the fact that it would have died down is moot

the goal was to face the situation down

and for you not to be concerned that they can do anything detrimental

they have set up a plan

and we are moving through each peice of it and closing it down

nice and slowly

b/c if not we will get this challenege in another way at some time

and this is part of us recieving our gifts in full

regular ole heroes journey shit

and couple coming together gorgeousness

and it’s challenging

after everything is gonna look like

“oh wow why didn’t i just...”but it’s not like that

the energy in negative is pulling up all it has b/c

we are now developing a strong light force

it’s just how it goes

and it looks similar whenever it happens

but it’s not personal or bad

just gotta stay lifted and edited down to what matters to us

and really serves us

which meant for us-

lots of editing stuff out

and being truthful about what wasn’t serving us

you’ve done this before

it just didn’t feel as targeted

AND you were going through a big shift as a person

all in one go

over a very short time period

and you never had the knowledge of how to know

“oh this is what this is called”

it’s just pushing out a big poop

it’s essentially a hold over from

-Jo

****

this challenged you to do things that previously you considered out of pocket behvaior

you made mistakes, but there is no wrong action when your intention is for overall good

also-

dissapointing people is part of being in your truth.

at first it is oddly hard and frustrating b/c people are like

“well why can’t you hang out or help me or solve this for me”

sometimes the answer is just

-ah i don’t have time

-sometimes it’s higher in that- “that is your work and i have given you sources and clues that can point you to your answer but you need to figure it out” and people don’t intially like to hear that, but then they do just stop asking

as you keep doing this people get it quicker and you feel less bad

b/c your work is on a macro level not micro in helping

and yeah it can be micro but not invasive “hey good job” “hey nice work” but not oh hey let me get in here and help you

****

now if we went back and redid things youd have a ballance of bold moves and subtle moves, which you just did out

but you know that these outward battles aren’t needed and are the maniupluative work of someone else-

b/c your/mine/our intention is to not have these BATTLES

they don’t help, but to soothe, lift up the person, and in oursevles find why that person agiated us, heal our own selves and find the humility in the process

that’s our work, always has been

BUT WITH BOUNDARIES NOW

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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MOM SAYING

NO I DON’T LIKE DENZEL ANYMORE... AS IF IT WAS A LEGIT BREAK UP

0 notes

lullaandby · 4 years ago

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cabins

1. love and protections 2. sorry-

forgive myself- blame, shame-

forgive you- blame, shame

we help eachother forgive others

3. empathy

4. trust

5. love and more gentle protection and now deeper tranquility

0 notes

lullaandby · 5 years ago

Text

5 girls

they are all in their early thirties

they have all sacrificed relationship for carreers that haven't actually panned out and they are still very jealous of other people around them

they are essentially failures and all competing now to see

who gets married first or influencer status first

they aren’t really best friends what ties them together is they all work on a podcast together and they know each other from several circles

this podcast is their last chance at making it

they know one of them will hit influencer status first

they bring on a girl to help produce and throw her on the show and

she starts blowing up.

you watch how their segments reflect their jealousy.

6 episodes. web

each episode 20min

watch how they copy one another and one up each other

group chat

segment

interview

GURU

POLYSCI

BIZ

NEW GIRL

0 notes

lullaandby · 5 years ago

Text

ESSAY4

0 notes

lullaandby · 5 years ago

Text

sincerely yours. c text

JIZZ for Jesus 1 minute 15 seconds/ short.

My being single was a topic that has worried my 85 year old father.

a treasure chest of anxiety who had anointed himself my dating guru.

Every week he comes up with a new line of advice.

The first was that I should go to church and find a nice guy.

Ah ok, but Church is centered around redemption themed activities.

What am I going to do- tell someone

"hey. I ah just saw the way you placed your lips to that chalice- and it got something going down here

He thought about it some more and came back with-

["Hey Jo! You know what?"

That's the way my dad always speaks, in a tenor most people reserve for an extreme emergency, like a school evacuation.

"These guys are no good.

Nah. Not like how they used to be.

So you fuck 'em Jo. Take what you need and get outta there. Don't be a whore but just get what you need."

Okay dad. Very different types of advice but thank you.

So I figured out a way to combine the two bits of information. It's a little program I like to call Jizz For Jesus.

Just vats of cum in my face in the name of our lord and savior.

Just trying to be a good daughter. ]

Then he goes " HEY Jo"

That tone means he doesn't want my mom to hear.

What Dad.

"Are you a lesbian?"

No Dad.

"ok well I want you to know it's ok."

thanks.

"well.... do you know what they do?"

who?

"The LESBIANS!!! how do they do it"

Dad. We're done here.

ST HORROR

Catholic interior design is amazingly bold.

Where else would you be able to get away

With that focal point?

Imagine walking into the grocery store to get some ice cream

And you saw a statue of someone over the cereal aisle

life size

Just bleeding.

Then another one by the ice cream

Smiling while a gentle breeze rolls

Through his luscious locks

And sun illuminates down upon him.

And everyone else was like oh yeah.

That’s our good buddy Ralph.

He helped to make this place.

No worries just keep hoping for a good life and

Get all your groceries into a cart.

Or just rolling up to your first soccer game

And over the goal net

there’s a photo of your neighbor,

Mr. Gershon who served in Vietnam

And passed away last year.

Just bleeding profusely.

And everyone’s just like oh yeah.

He sacrificed for us.

No worries here’s an orange slice ad some high c fruit punch.

It’s just how you avoid hell.

Did you bring in money for team photo?

And how’s your fundraising going for the new jerseys.

FIREY PITS

The whole concept of hell gets so left behind.

It becomes this thought in the back of your mind,

To Avoid the fiery pit.

Really the church needs a revamp.

Instead of a fiery pit just start telling people

They will get zero likes on their posts

If they don’t comply.

Watch pews fill up.

GOOD TO KNOW the Bible

Dad the only person who invited in Jehovahs they multiplied.

The he…

Years later they still came to visit him so we had to do what I like to call reverse bible chats.

It always starts with a lead in question

“Do you know…” and they insert a bible verse.

It’s a trap like when your friend asks you if you know someone else-

Either they talked shit about you or you are going to hear shit talked about them.

But when it’s bible rhetoric it’s so easy to just listen

And hit them with

Dueternonmy

Corninthians and just put in random numbers.

Then conclude with your own opinion.

And they walk away.

OFFERING OTHER SALVATION

Just so odd

What other types of salvation?

Some like weird cheese

Do it out

BIBLICAL HERO

Take a quiz to see what type of biblical hero you are

Moses

Mary Magdalene cuz she’s a hoe

How did they have hoes in the Bible?

I’d like to see a Moses parting the seas of peers who are holding back orgasms

And older ladies shaming for wearing too short skirts and saying well you asked for it,nder their breath

And he just bellows out

“Let my whores go”

Then they walk to a land where

they create amazing porn for ladies and general

healthcare that covers all forms of birthcontrol

PORHN HUB THE WORLD

More than the bible, The answer is porn

if there were as many categories on porn hub

As there were ideas for world peace and conservation

We’d be all set.

LADIES NIGHT

We need more categories for porn by ladies.

Just liven it up make it more representative.

Less filthy next door neighbor taking big dicks

Reading a book and getting your nips tweaked

Getting your ass eaten while watching cute animals lick their faces

Finishing a craft while on top - look how cute his eyes are, and then you just go to outer space

Eating lasagna while anything

LADIES ARE MORE DANGEROUS

More outlets for female intelignece and for ladies to cum.

That combo creates a burtito cloud of peace with melted cheese around the female psyche.

This is essential.

Ask any dude who is pissed off a crazy eyes girl.

Who was just one two many break ups deep.

There are absoultely crazy guys

But they more start a ned narrative that didn’t happen

Or if something was wrong they just avoid and deny.

Pretty Much All Ladies will say-

Ok let me find your birth record,

Then trail onto you best friend from preschool

Take a flight to New Orleans- get a witch

Dig up a dead body and procure the two pinky fingers as payment

Rally up anyone else who hates you

Put their soul in a doll, send it to your house

Then around 10pm give you 3 hearts on insta to hide the evidence.

That’s day one.

STORY- ME

( How sexual repression makes you into a vengeful person)

FOR REAL REVENGE.

Girls who are all about the revenge you generally can find zero social media presence on them

And they like to do control based things

The girl in your office

Keep talking about going to sweet greens

Or paint night

They are the mid level managers of the world who Marshall over every event and

When you go out to dinner make sure that everyone is paying the exact amount

THE REAL REGINA GEORGRE

I have no idea why people are obsessed with teenager Regina Georges

Because the real assholes are

repressed, undersexed mothers with body image issues

Who feel as if their children have stolen their lives

BECUASE FAIR IS FAIR.

They begin to not even see it as revenge.

It’s just fairness.

Because they have been taught to be nice and they are seething.

COME A LONG WAY

We’ve come a long way sexuality from

Your aunt who has the solid Ronald mc Donald hair cut and a long short chino

With a polo shirt

[50k categories and several articles]

MONGOOSE.

VALIDATION STATION.

Repression in females comes from mis placed validation

The validation that seems promised from being nice and doing the right thing.

AND JEALOUSLY

AND WORRIED UR FMAILY WILL REJECT U FOR SPOILING THE GOODS

Jessica simpson?

Take most of the single males you know perhaps they are sad,

But they will general find a hobby, pussy, or both.

When the barrier to entry of pussy gets to expensive, psychotic, difficult or all three.

They will resort mc guyver like tendencies to find ingenuity.

Take most females who are single.

They will use the same ingenuity to gain validation from friends and family

Which includes carrier achievement and marriage.

When the Barriers to entry become challenging they become crazy.

THAT FRIEND.

If you have been single over twenty eight you have have 100 percent taken a turn

Into crazy town. Driven straight through then taken a right into county love town.

It looks so much more intense when it’s your friend doing it

There rare two options for yourself and that friend,

A) you’ll make it by having a life and randomly crying to ColdPlay

B) you will spend all your time trying to find someone like a person who has lost

A puppy.

MISPLACED.

LOOKING FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS

This is so insane.

DOWRY

This starts with our parents,

you chose in your family but I like to blame my mother.

But my dad is to blame to b/c his standards are just wanting me minimally taken care of he’d be like

do you have a car?

A job?

Ok here’s 10k

Remember she likes cheese.

Bye baby remember to turn the lights off.

MOTHER SHAME.

JENNER WORLD

Pretty soon moms will be fighting over how many likes their daughter gets.

(Play on how moms compete for girls getting career + marriage)

end on marriage

The moms who are exactly the same as Kris Jenner

And there’s a lot

Except

Kris is a narcissist who pairs her daughter up with dudes that aren’t great.

Or at the every least doesn’t encourage them to leave.

Lots of moms are like this- they loose their daughter and their daughters

“Wins” a happy marriage.

The only difference is these girls wear bikinis instead of a nice tailored slack.

But who is the influencer of the influencers?

Do the equation and you will always come up Oprah.

Just do it out. Oprah.

And she doesn’t even have instagram.

And who is her influencer? Maya angelou?

So strong black women. Mostly BBW.

PRECIOUS MOMENTS

Maybe there’s an age where repression just starts settling in

And people look at the people in their family

Who came before them

As precious moments statues.

Ummm just a quick refresh your moms

Vagina was once a beatiuous place holder for jizz.

And grandma probably took a load

And not just to the laundry

Why do you think she carries all those werthers?

Just our old friend science.

****

JESUS INVENTED BROS

FEMALE VERSION OF BROS

PRODIGY KIDS

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