#which was crucial because it meant I didn’t need to order a new one to replace the crumbled one

[sassmill]

I have the power of god and autism on my side

[honeytonedhottie]

a post on persistence⋆.ೃ࿔*:･💝

im super happy and excited to announce that this post is a collab with the AMAZINGG @pinkpigtailsprincess. we wanted to collab on this post and talk about PERSISTENCE in manifesting and how crucial it is when ur manifesting things.

HOW TO PERSIST ; persisting simply means reminding urself that u already have whatever it is that u want. when u persist, you decide what it is that u want and you STICK to it.

the oxford definition of persistence simply means to continue in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

your 3d literally has no choice but to catch up and reflect the new thoughts that ur thinking in ur 4d so just KEEP GOING. if ur gonna whine or complain every step of the way and think thoughts like "persisting is hard" or "theres lots of resistance/difficulty with manifesting" then thats what ur going to experience.

manifesting is easy, effortless, and instant. when u catch urself thinking thoughts that perpetuate the old story, remind urself that no matter what, whatever u persist in will harden into reality simply because it HAS to. stop getting in your own way!!

LIMITLESS > IMAGINATION ;

limitless definition; possesing power of an immeasurable rate a perfect way to describe your power your literally the god of your reality and you know you might think thats silly or “delusional” its so true though like ever since birth people are conditioned to believe that being negative is the more “logical” and “realistic” way to think than positive which is such a stupid revelation because all throughout life you meant to believe that you have to bring yourself down to earth about achieving something and that you’ll never have “” but that makes no sense seeing all of the extraordinary achievements that humans have done like

build rockets and do rocket science

walk on the moon

build the great wall of china

and so many others including the human body its self your cells in your body healing and protecting wounds and your organs being able to stay in the designated spot no matter what and you think “logic” actually matters?

everything in the human mind is projected i mean everything you use on a daily basis started off in the mind it all stems from imagination

DECISIONS ⭐️ ;

deciding is the final decision and the final outcome no matter what no questions asked like if you went too a sushi restaurant and ordered and decided that you want a shrimp tempura roll you will have the shrimp tempura roll no matter what concepts “if the concept of something can exist then that can be achieved no matter what”

literally something i think about alot and a direct quote from yours truly like most people do think that you can have something because its quote “unrealistic” or it “doesn’t exist” but if that were really the case than why is the concept of it allowed to prosper like if those things really didn’t exist then the concept of billionaires or superpowers and superheroes wouldn’t exist or even time travel everything single one of those things are a product of imagination!!!

YOUR THE ONLY POWER ;

alot of the times on loablr you see people say “you’re the only power” and “you don’t even need that method just imagination and that honestly just so real because if you really think about all of these methods ie: 48 hour challenge, 10k affirmations method etc.

and the void state those things also stemmed from that person’s imagination when you use those methods or use subliminals all your doing is giving it a smidge of your power the method is only powerful because your giving it that power in conclusion you and your imagination are the only things that matter !!

[angelasscribbles]

Royal Retribution Chapter 8: Subversion

Series:��Royal Retribution

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Liam x Riley x Drake

Rating: MA

Warnings: mature themes, language

Word Count: 1,654

A/N: I've been trying to catch up on some of the series that have been left hanging. My only series written in first person from Liam's POV.

My other stuff: Master List.

“If you’re going to fire me, boy, go ahead and do it!”

“Oh, I’m not firing you, Bas.”

If I fired him, I couldn’t court-martial him.

“That’s what I thought.” He smirked as he turned to go.

Drake moved to block his exit.

“What the hell, Drake? Move!”

“I don’t think so.” Drake’s voice betrayed no emotion as he stood between his former mentor and the door.

Oh, this part was going to be fun.

“I didn’t say you were free to go.” I leaned back in my chair and watched with satisfaction as he turned back toward me in confusion.

“I don’t understand….if I’m not fired, then why can’t I leave?”

I paused for a few seconds to give my next words plenty of weight, “You’re not being fired, Bas, you’re being detained.”

“Detained?” He spluttered, “For what?”

“Disobeying a direct order of the crown for starters,” I told him, “I believe I gave you a direct order not to alert my father to the fact that Riley wasn’t on that plane.”

Bastien shook his head, “You have no proof that I did! Any of the other guards could have told him!”

“So you admit you’ve lost control of your command?”

“What? No!”

“You just confessed that any of your men could have been responsible for an egregious security leak.”

“No, that’s not what I meant! You’re twisting my words!”

“At the very least, it’s gross incompetence. I trusted you to vet your men better than that. In light of your admission, I have no choice but to put every man under your command on suspension pending a formal review.”

“That’s ludicrous! You can’t just suspend the entire King’s Guard! Who will guard you?”

“The same men that have been guarding me! Effective immediately Alexandros Eliades is promoted to head of the King’s Guard and Drake Walker is promoted to head of the Royal Guard. You are relieved of your command pending a court martial. Drake will escort you to a cell.”

Drake grabbed the older man by his arm and pulled him toward the door.

On the way out he managed to slam Bas’s head into the doorframe.

“Ow! Fuck! What the hell was that for?” Bastien grimaced as he rubbed his forehead.

Drake leaned in toward him with a smirk as he said, “For calling your king boy. Now let’s go!”

While Drake was gone, I called the men I trusted implicitly to my office.

By the time he returned I had Alexandros aka Alec, Jason Toussaint, Lorenzo Romano, Damon Christopoulos, and Luke Zika in my office.

“Now that Captain Walker is back, I can tell you why I’ve called you all here today,” I said, “I’ll get right to the point. You’re in this room because I trust you, and I need men I can trust right now.”

I paused as I looked at each face to gauge their reactions. It was crucial that they understood what was at stake.

I continued, “As you know, I was crowned king last night. That means that the chain of command ends with me now. My father no longer holds a position of authority in Cordonia. It is imperative that his network be dismantled and replaced with one I can trust.”

“Sir,” Alec looked more serious than I had ever seen him, “Are you saying that there are members of the guard we can’t trust?”

“Unfortunately, that may be the case.” I replied, “Colonel Bastien Lykel has been suspended from duty and detained in the cells.”

I waited a moment for everyone to absorb that.

Alec asked the question, “But then who-“

“You.” I interrupted him, “As of this moment you’re the head of the new King’s Guard, which you will have to assemble. Captain Walker is the new head of the Royal Guard, it’s time for Captain Blake to retire anyway. Damon, you’ll head up the new Queen’s Guard, which you will also have to assemble.”

“What about the current members of the King’s and Queen’s guard?” Damon asked.

“They can all reapply. They will need to be thoroughly vetted. We can’t be sure it was done correctly the first time. Lie detector tests, background checks, that’s where you come in Jason, do deep dives on all of them. Financials too, I want to know if anyone is on the take.”

“Yes, sir,” Jason responded.

“Lorenzo, you’ll be heading up the special task force to investigate allegations that there are members of the guard leaking classified information and actively subverting the crown.”

“Those are very serious allegations,” Lorenzo said, “That’s treason. May I ask who made those allegations?”

Ah, yes, the coup de grace to root out any men harboring notions of loyalty to Bastien, “Bastien Lykel has made the allegations in his confession to try and save himself. Schedule interviews with every man and woman that was under his command immediately and make sure they know where the allegations came from.”

“Yes, sir,” he replied, “That’s brilliant, sir.”

“I know.” My plan was to let them think their commander threw them under the bus and watch how quickly they turned on each other, “You’re the new head of the CID.”

The CID, or criminal investigation department was basically internal affairs for the guard.

“Luke, you’re promoted to head of covert security.”

“Sir?” He looked startled, “We don’t have a covert security division.”

“We do now, and you’re the head of it.” I said, “I want an intelligence network to rival the CIA and Mossad. I need to infiltrate and dismantle my father’s network. Get on it. You have a blank check!”

“Yes, Your Majesty!”

“Jason, you’ve been exemplary in your position as head of cyber security, now I want you to take over as head of the entire cyber division. In addition to the defensive nature of cyber security, I want you to work hand in hand with Luke on the cyber portion of the new spy network.”

Jason inclined his head in agreement.

I drew in a deep breath then addressed the group as a whole, “I know it’s asking a lot, rebuilding from the ground up and with no notice, but I think you’re all up to the task. If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be here. The six of you are now my chiefs of defense. That will come with promotions in rank, higher security clearances, and increased salaries. It will also come with increased responsibilities, more stress, and longer hours. If any of you can’t handle that or don’t want to, tell me now.”

Everyone agreed they were up for the task, as I had known they would.

I had been paying attention for years, and I’d had Drake’s insider insights about the culture and structure of the Cordonian Guard.

“Drake, Alec, Damon, you’ll be restructuring all three divisions of the Cordonian Guard, King’s Guard, Queen’s Guard, and Royal Guard. Start with the men you already know and trust. I trust your judgment, but we have to verify. So get me a shortlist by the end of today of men you want in key positions in your command, and we’ll start with them. Extensive background checks, including financials, lie detectors, interviews, references, the whole nine yards.”

We needed to hit the ground running.

“You too, Luke, I’ll need a short list from you of enlisted men with qualifications and dispositions that make them likely candidates to work undercover. Start recruiting maids, butlers, drivers, etc. as confidential informants.”

“The four of you will coordinate with Jason and Lorenzo to get the interviews scheduled and background checks done.”

The new structure would have Drake as head of the Royal Guard, Alec as head of the King’s Guard, Damon as head of the Queen’s Guard, Jason as head of the Cyber Ops, Luke as head of the Covert Forces and Lorenzo as head of the Criminal Investigation Department.

Marco and Bruno would stay with Riley on an off-the-books, undisclosed special assignment.

“I need at least a skeleton crew of trusted people in new positions by the end of the week before we announce the changes.”

I wanted the element of surprise.

I wanted my enemies scattered, confused, and taken unaware.

But first I needed to know who they were.

After the rest of the men had left I put in a call to Rashad, secure in the knowledge Drake had swept the room for bugs prior to questioning Bastien.

“I moved some things around early this morning,” he told me, “You said discretion was of utmost importance, so instead of taking out large sums of money from your accounts, I took it out of several of mine and will replace it from yours slowly over the course of several weeks.”

“Oh, wow, that’s brilliant!”

“I know. It’s why you pay me the big bucks.” He chuckled.

My next call was to Leo.

“Yes, it’s done, all of it. I’ve hired the best P.I. I could find and I’ve got my plane ticket.”

“When does your flight leave?”

“In an hour, I’m at the airport now. I’ll be in Paris by morning, Rivala by lunch.”

I glanced up at Drake.

He nodded, “Tell him I’ll meet him at a place called The Clam and the Pearl. It’s a bar, not upscale enough for him to be recognized by his peers, not sketchy enough for him to be mugged for his Rolex.”

“You’ll take backup with you?” I asked nervously. I couldn’t risk anything happening to him and I couldn’t go with him for obvious reasons.

My father was on the warpath. I had to put in an appearance, and act like I had fallen into line. I needed to make sure Hana was okay, check in with Riley and Liv, and generally keep all the balls in the air until it was time to deploy the plans we had painstakingly spent the day making.

My father’s reign of terror was about to end. He was going to pay for everything.

[alheria]

Anniversary (one-shot)

Ghost wasn't one to celebrate any holidays or special occasions.

But König was.

And since they were dating, he had to adapt in order to keep his partner happy. Because, obviously, he had gotten too emotionally involved and would hate to ruin their stable, somewhat healthy relationship. So they compromised, celebrated everything the Austrian wanted except the lieutenant's birthday. It was the only thing he could not stand, by any means. Painful days full of bad memories should not be acknowledged. Ever. The younger man luckily respected that.

The most important event to recognize was surely their anniversary. They’ve been together for nearly two years now, and the first milestone unfortunately happened to occur while both were on separate missions in two different parts of the world with no way to at least contact each-other.

For Ghost, this wasn’t a big problem, didn’t even think about it too much, too busy trying not to die. König, on the other hand, was utterly heartbroken. Upon them reuniting, he cried, a lot, then informed that missing the first anniversary was a bad sign, and they will surely break up soon because they are doomed. Which was a really stupid, baseless assumption. Nevertheless, the lieutenant ensured next year the date is in the middle of their off-duty period. Just in case. Which involved promising he will do some stuff he didn’t necessarily want to do. Like helping train new recruits or taking over half of Price’s paperwork.

The things people do for love!

Right, love. The emotionless soldier never thought he would use such a term in reference to his own, barely existing feelings. Until the weirdly tall, socially awkward, all soft and mushy Austrian showed up and effortlessly turned his dark, freezing cold world upside down. Proved that loving someone did not make one seem any less scary or vulnerable. Ghost actually appeared to be even more dangerous, now he had something dear to protect.

Which also meant he needed to go that extra mile to make his partner happy enough to not leave him, because if he did, he would have to kill him. And losing König would kill him in return. That’s why he had to agree to participate in the younger man’s undisclosed fantasy for their upcoming anniversary. So they both can stay alive.

The crucial for the success of their relationship day had started with them waking up unreasonably early in the Austrian’s apartment in Graz. Neither was ready to leave the bed just yet, therefore they stayed, embracing each-other’s naked bodies under the cosy blanket. Ghost absolutely fucking adored those rare moments when König rested safely between his protective arms whilst there was nothing to worry about since they weren’t in a war zone but in a normal place, in a regular house, in a comfortable bed big enough to fit both of them.

Sometimes he wondered if this precious time turned into reality, would they still be happy? Probably not. It is truly nice, being in this secure, warm bubble, although it cannot be accurately compared to that intoxicating sensation of being in the field, desperately fighting for survival, and killing your bloodthirsty enemies. Nothing feels as good. Not even sex.

-I need you to let go, love. -the lieutenant whispered softly, loosening the hold around the taller man, who didn’t move an inch, his cheek plastered to the muscular chest.

-Why?! -he whined, making his boyfriend smile. Such a big baby.

-Coffee. -Ghost responded vaguely. -You know I quickly get cranky without my morning coffee.

-I know. -König huffed in annoyance, eventually rolling on the other side of the bed, nearly fully covering himself with the claimed blanket to retain pleasant heat. The Brit got up, and instantly regretted his decision to leave the nice warmth. He swiftly put on some clothes randomly found on the floor and fondly glanced at the steaming burrito as he stretched the stiffened limbs.

-Happy anniversary, my pretty beast. -he hummed once ready to roll, pressing a tender kiss to those ruffled hair before leaving the bedroom. And maybe he didn't see the Austrian's definitely smiling face, but could tell it was blushing furiously. König was naturally terrible at hiding his feelings, which was the sole reason for him wearing the spooky mask on a daily basis. Before knowing better, Ghost thought maybe he was horribly disfigured due to some accident, however as it turned out, he was just readable like an open book, and simply hated that.

Nearly twenty minutes passed before the unmasked soldier showed up in the kitchen, not a single piece of clothing his. Shameful thief. The lieutenant was half-sat on the wide windowsill, nearly empty cup in hand, watching the city slowly start another busy day.

-Took you long enough. -he pointed out, shifting slightly so the other man could fit between his welcoming arms. It was a habit for them at this point, cuddling in the morning anytime they were together to absorb this much-needed affection.

-I'm worth waiting for. -the Austrian murmured, pressing his nose into the Brit's neck. -Thank you for sorting out this time off. It means a lot. -added, softly kissing the muscular shoulder.

-All the best for my precious baby. -Ghost responded, his chilly hands sneaking under the thick hoodie as the cheek rested on his boyfriend’s head. -I love you, —. A lot.

König smiled widely hearing the heart-warming confession followed by his name he used to deeply hate, and recently began to enjoy once again.

-I love you too, Simon.

---

In the early afternoon, they went to get something to eat, knowing well-enough planned for later activities will drain all their energy. There was this small Croatian restaurant in a narrow alley the two of them discovered a few months back while on a walk, and wanted to give it a try since then, but never got about actually doing it. Until now.

Wasn't a disappointment, no fireworks either. Simply delicious food in a great company. Which was completely enough. On a daily basis their lives were filled with constant danger and unhealthy excitement, therefore they immensely enjoyed those slow, peaceful moments when it was only the two of them and no war.

Despite having plans, there was no rush to return home, so they took a longer route, basked in the sun while holding hands. And perhaps some people kept looking at them funny, however neither cared. Today was all about love, and if someone dared to ruin that, they would surely end up dead.

-Where should we celebrate next year? -König asked out of nowhere, fairly surprising his partner with that question.

Next year?

Next year, they will be together for three years.

He didn’t expect them to go past three months.

-Wherever you want, sweetheart. -Ghost answered eventually, not having anywhere concrete in mind. Constant work-related travelling was enough, there was no desire in him to do it casually in his scarce free time.

-Hmm…Finland maybe? -the Austrian suggested after taking a moment to think it through.

-Finland? -Simon frowned, unsure where that idea came from. His boyfriend always run a little cold, thus usually preferred hanging around warm places.

-What?! -the younger man chuckled, seeing the lieutenant's confused expression. -We're always getting shipped to those hot climate countries, a change of scenery would be nice!

The Brit smiled, playfully ruffled those soft, messy hair. 

-As I said, wherever you want. I’ll follow.

---

Once back home, they shortly found themselves in the bedroom, both starting to feel that anxious tingle of excitement from knowing what’s about to happen. The unique gift exchange.

-That’s your outfit for today. -König informed, handing his boyfriend a large, heavy cardboard box he had stored under the bed. -Can't wait to see you in it. -winked before recovering another package, presumably containing his costume.

Ghost quickly removed the loose lid and couldn’t believe this was the mysterious fantasy his partner didn't want to reveal. Inside, there was a brown hat, a pair of light blue jeans, real life fucking cowboy shoes, a thick belt with a big buckle and some black leather straps serving an unknown purpose.

But clearly, some kinky shit.

-Just to clarify…you want me to wear…this? -he asked, pulling out this strange, complicated looking accessory. -What the fuck is even that thing?

-It’s a harness, and yes, I want you to wear that thing. -the Austrian sighed once he got up from the floor. His partner had a rather unhealthy tendency to have a negative attitude towards trying new things. He was surely working on it, however still struggled to show enthusiasm at times.

-How am I supposed to put it on? -Simon frowned, closely examining the confusing object. 

-You’ll figure it out babe. It’s actually pretty straightforward. -the younger soldier smiled, reassuringly patting the lieutenant’s shoulder as he passed by towards the exit, heading to the bathroom to change. 

-I doubt. -the Brit muttered under his breath.

-Just give it a try. -König rolled those pretty, slightly annoyed eyes, and promptly left the room, leaving Ghost alone with this strange contraption.

Somehow he managed to put it on, mostly because it was “actually pretty straightforward”. He felt a little stupid wearing such a ridiculous costume, although damn, it truly looked good on him. Every single piece fit his muscular body perfectly, creating a really fucking weird image of a BDSM loving queer cowboy. But yeah, hats off to that sneaky Austrian for secretly getting correct measurements.

As instructed, once ready, Simon sat down on the bed, awaiting his boyfriend’s arrival. The excitement was prominent at this point, flowing through his veins and making that fat dick of his slowly harden. With every passing minute he grew more and more impatient to see what the other man chose for himself.

And oh, when those doors finally opened, his jaw dropped all the way to the ground, overstimulated brain immediately crashed.

Fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

There was a skirt. A very fucking short skirt. Black skirt, white shirt. Tight shirt, shiny logo, babygirl. Stockings, see-through, high leather platforms. Very high. So tall. Skirt so short.

Leather collar.

-Speechless much? -König grinned, more than proud of himself for breaking his lover’s mind, and fucking delighted Simon obediently put on this ravishing outfit that made his own penis twitch.

-Babygirl… -Ghost swallowed heavily, his throat suddenly dry, brain barely operating, cock wildly hard. -How…how did I deserve this… -he blurted, struggling to comprehend the unbelievable sight. This was beyond sexy. All his instincts screamed to get up right fucking now, press that indecent man to the nearby wall, pull his slutty skirt up and fuck deep into that juicy ass.

-You’ve been treating me very well lately, daddy. -the Austrian fucking purred, slowly approaching the other soldier, short skirt shamelessly swinging in tandem with those narrow hips. -Is it okay if I repay your kindness? -asked as he heavily dropped to his knees, right in between the lieutenant’s spread legs, greedy hands already sliding through the thick thighs towards this visibly strained zipper.

-Please do. -the Brit whispered, further shocked by a sparkly headband entangled in the younger man’s strands, surely preventing them from soon falling into his eyes when he finally leans down to suck that needy dick he’s been trying to free for a painfully long time. Clearly on purpose. -You’re pushing your luck, princess. -Ghost growled as he firmly grabbed his partner's chin and pulled his confused face up. -You're so fucking pretty sweetheart, but for fucks sake, suck my dick already. -he ordered. The response was immediate, König released the prominent erection from its confinement, squeezed the wide base between his fingers and teasingly licked a long stripe before swallowing the hard shaft. Fuck.

The sound that escaped Simon’s throat was way too loud, accurately described the utter pleasure resonating through his body. His head instantly flew back, one hand instinctively held the sliding hat while the other cupped the back of the younger soldier’s moving neck.

-Fuck, baby, you’re so fucking good at it. -he groaned, letting himself melt into the blissful act. That was his favourite part of sex, having that sleek tongue explore his length, silky throat contract on his swollen tip, hot breath dance on the sensitive flesh. Blowjobs were the best, and ones given by his partner?

Fucking divine.

Didn’t take long for him to feel the orgasm build. There was also no reason to hold back. After all, neither liked a long game, quick and dirty was their forte. That’s why not hesitating a bit, when he was at the edge, he pressed his lover’s head down and with a loud moan spilled inside, in a much more powerful manner than usual, causing the other soldier to start choking. Getting further aroused by the visibly struggling, squirming man, he didn’t let go until his leg got patted three times, a sign whatever is happening needs to stop immediately.

-Daddy! -the Austrian whined after coughing his lungs out and finally catching breath, his eyes beautifully watery, palm slowly travelling to his pulsating manhood, giving it a suggestive squeeze. -Help me.

And just like that, Ghost’s sanity nearly offed itself, held together solely by desperate need to violate this disgustingly erotic individual driving him mad.

-Get up sweetheart. -he instructed, and König obediently rose to tower over the older man. He was already really fucking tall, but damn, in those platform shoes his painfully erect penis was in the straight line of sight. -Good girl. -Simon praised his boyfriend as his finger slid through the sleek stocking and curiously pulled up the short skirt, revealing a sizable bulge tightly hugged by a black leather thong. With satisfaction he licked his lips before, without a warning, sucking onto that covered flesh, nearly making his lover drop back on the floor when his knees gave up momentarily.

He could feel those large hands desperately grab his hair and clench them tightly, a subconscious reaction to being overwhelmed with pleasure. The quiet, frequent noises the soldier started producing were going straight to Ghost’s dick, causing him to want more. So he reached towards the back, between the muscular cheeks, and nearly fucking lost it.

There was something there. 

A plug.

-Enough. -Ghost barked as he abruptly pulled away, fully ready to go again. -I’m gonna lose my shit if I don’t fuck you right fucking now. -informed while swiftly getting up and joining their lips in a heated kiss. His arms wrapped around the waist, sneaked under the cropped shirt, thigh forced itself between those long legs. Their clashed hips quickly began to rub each-other, greedily chasing that insanely pleasurable friction. -You may wanna remind yourself that safeword of yours, babygirl. -the lieutenant whispered into his partner’s steamy mouth when he broke the kiss as his fingers returned to that interesting toy, started to slowly take it out. The Austrian whined so prettily in response, Simon couldn’t stand not being in him anymore. He removed the obstructing plug in one smooth move, roughly turned König around and violently pushed him towards the wall. -And if you can’t talk, you clearly know what to do. -he grinned once close enough to speak into the younger man’s ear. And then, without further ado, lined himself up and buried deep inside his shocked boyfriend's ass.

Who surely had an idea of how lucky he was that his hole was somewhat pre-lubed, otherwise the Brit would be mercilessly pounding him raw.

-Daddy, please, it hurts! -he cried out, his legs shaking so bad, the lieutenant struggled to hold him up as his fat cock penetrated the tight hole. Ghost didn’t say anything, only slid his hand from the waist to that rock hard bulge, began to squeeze it through the leather, providing his lover both pain and pleasure. An intense mixture that clouded his barely coherent mind, overpowered all his overstimulated senses and eventually, made him come into his underwear.

The power of König’s orgasm nearly forced Simon’s when the contracting insides crushed his penis, but knowing it would take long to recover after two closely spaced releases, he managed to withstand the ecstatic wave without finishing. And it wasn’t easy with those euphoric whines echoing in his spinning head.

-Babygirl. -the older man hummed softly, seeing tears roll down his boyfriend's flushed cheek. -You okay sweetheart? -asked while gently pulling out of the crying soldier. The quiet "yes" assured this is simply a reaction to being emotionally overwhelmed, and he, in fact, did not seriously hurt the person he loved. So they could happily continue, which was great, because he had a fun idea. He took off his stupid hat and put it on the surprised Austrian's head.

-You’re the cowboy now, princess. -the lieutenant informed as he walked back to the bed he lied himself on, his half-erect cock on full display, one hand slowly masturbating it while the other grabbed a bottle of lube and threw it onto the mattress. -Ride me.

König's glossy eyes instantly went wide open. He quickly removed the dripping with cum thong and eagerly climbed over his groaning partner.

-Stop touching yourself, I want to. -pouted, making Ghost laugh at that comically offended expression.

-All yours, baby. -he winked, letting go of the hardened shaft, his fingers promptly replaced with heavily lubricated ones. The cold liquid spreading through the sensitive flesh felt heavenly, caused him to forget shame, and neighbours, exist. Moans filled the room, soon joined by the Austrian's whimpers as he impaled his wet hole onto that fat penis. Looking at his tall, muscular man's back arch in pleasure while he fucked himself on his dick, Ghost once again approached the edge, began to lose his balance. And when that slutty skirt started to rise, pulled up by the rapidly growing erection, he had to fight very, very hard to last a little longer.

-Daddy, touch me! -König whimpered, his movements so erratic, he had to be close too. Not wasting any time, Simon reached under the skirt, closed his palm around the sticky shaft and began to jerk it violently, hoping for them to finish together.

Soon, his wish got granted. The Austrian bottomed down, overstimulating the Brit's cock, making his hand clench on the penis it held. The two soldiers came nearly simultaneously, their bodies trembled at the euphoric sensation, lips blindly joined in a desperate, messy kiss while they spilled inside and out.

Once this blissful feeling of release passed, the energy seemed to have left alongside. König barely managed to lift himself up before dropping onto the pleasantly cold pillow.

-My ass hurts. -he complained, trying to send Simon a nasty look, but was too content to be mad. The sex was rough and painful however he hated it any other way. Consequences sucked though.

-I’m not sorry. -Ghost snorted, taking the hat off his partner’s sweaty head. -Why do I feel like you put me in this idiotic costume just to have a laugh? -he then asked, examining the accessory closer. Surprisingly, it wasn’t a cheap toy, the quality was excellent.

-Because I absolutely did! -the Austrian grinned, so very proud of himself for successfully pulling that out. -I wanted to see you as a cowboy, and I knew you wouldn't say no for our anniversary. You did look hot tho!

-You cheeky bastard! -the older soldier laughed as he pressed that hat back onto his laughing boyfriend's head. -Actually, speaking of the anniversary, I have an additional gift for you. -he informed, reaching for something he hid earlier in the night stand drawer and placing it in his partner’s hand. -There you go.

-...what…Simon? -König gasped, in shock gazing at a small, elegant black box he slowly opened. Inside, there was a silver ring composed of several connected skulls, which looked oddly familiar. Upon closer observation, he quickly recognized these as exact replicas of Ghost’s mask. It was so fucking adorable, his poor heart nearly exploded.

-Don’t get any stupid ideas. -the lieutenant huffed, suddenly realising this looks a lot like a proposal. -It’s just so you don’t feel insecure about our relationship every time we’re apart. -he clarified, feeling himself blush involuntarily regardless. They never spoke about ever getting married, although considering how strong their connection was, maybe it wouldn’t be the worst idea to open the subject sometime soon.

-I…thank you. -the younger man smiled softly, unable to stop staring at this amazing gift he truly didn’t expect. -That’s so thoughtful. -whispered, barely holding back happy tears. He couldn’t believe his terrifying, merciless, emotionally distant lover cared for him this much. Didn’t feel real. -C-can you put it on for me?

-Of course. -Ghost agreed, gently grabbing the Austrian’s left palm to put the ring there. -We’re solid now, yeah? -he confirmed once done, with satisfaction looking at the perfectly fitting, clearly visible sign of belonging decorating his boyfriend’s finger. König was full-on sobbing at that point, overwhelmed by pure joy to the point he barely managed to respond:

-Yes. Yes we are.

[atomic-thomas]

(Fake ASMR Commission) Your Girlfriend Talks About Musous [Monster Hunter Frontier Roleplay]

_______________________________________________

*just so you know, Musou is pronounced [Moo-So]*

“Damnit, come on! What do you mean I didn’t parry that? My positioning was perfect. Sigh…”

*door opening sound*

“Oh, hey babe. Sorry, I’m just… A bit mad right now.”

…

“What am I playing. Are you sure you want me to explain? You probably wouldn’t understand any of it.”

…

“Okay, fair. Everyone wants to learn new things. Nothing wrong with being curious. You really don’t mind if I talk your ear off for a bit? It’s a lot of information to go over.”

…

“You have nothing better to do. Well, have a seat then. Because I have a lot to talk about.”

“I’m playing Monster Hunter Frontier. It’s a really old Japanese MMO that released in 2007. It’s servers shut down in 2019, but thanks to the efforts of dedicated fans, you can still download & play the game for free on PC using Private Servers. It no longer receives updates, but hey. 12 Years of content updates all the way up to the game’s closing date is a lot to chew through for new players who are just starting out. It even has an English Patch so you can actually read important text.”

“The monster I was just hunting was… A Musou.”

…

“No, not Moose, silly~”

“Musous are the game’s most challenging monsters. The absolute pinnacle of difficulty. They’re some of the hardest bosses you’ll ever fight in any video game. And… I’ve been trying to solo them.”

…

“Well, here’s the thing. Musous weren’t actually meant to be soloed. They were designed around the idea that a full team of decked out meta players would take them on. But if you’re crazy enough, you can beat them alone. It’s entirely possible. I’ll set the stage for just how astronomically difficult these monsters are.”

“Musous need to be slain in 10 minutes. Normally, most quests in the game give you 50 minutes which is way more than enough time to do anything. But Musous demand that you slay them in under 10. And to make matters worse, they have a huge amount of health. Far more than most other monsters in the game.”

“They have extremely fast & lethal attacks. They can lock down & combo hunters. Some attacks just outright one-shot you. And often times, their attacks cover a large portion of the area you fight them in meaning that if you don’t parry, i-frame or positioning yourself perfectly, you’re likely just gonna die instantly.”

…

“Crazy, right? With a team, you at least have some room for error. You can sometimes get hit & survive, someone can play support & there’s less pressure to do most of the damage yourself since it’s a group effort.”

“But if you’re alone, you have no such luxuries. Generally speaking, in order to solo a Musou, you need to use a skill called Adrenaline. This requires you to set yourself at a very low amount of HP using a specific Bento Meal or charm. When you’re at this low HP amount, Adrenaline activates & you gain a permanent 50% boost to your damage output which is crucial.”

“The downside to running such low HP is that everything one-shots you. You literally need to play perfectly. You need to maintain damage on the monster to slay it in time… And you can’t get hit even once. Anything less than perfection won’t cut it. I really can’t express enough just how insanely hard it is.”

…

“Yeah, I’ve soloed most of the Musous. I’m crazy enough to do it. But I’m still struggling with some of them. I can explain what the Musous are if you want.”

…

“Alright, well… Keep those ears perked up because I’m gonna talk about the Musous themselves.”

“Now the funny thing about some of these Musous is that… A few of them released in an earlier age of the game’s power creep. So these ones in particular are ironically pretty easy. Assuming you’re using the game’s modern power creep of course. We have Zenith Gear & Extreme Style which trivialize these earlier Musous’ difficulty.”

“Starving Deviljho [Devil-Joe] was the first Musou ever released &… It’s a joke nowadays. You don’t even need Adrenaline. It’s health & damage output are low. It’s slow & lumbering. You can play sloppily & still win. I can’t even really call it a Musou in earnest. It doesn’t feel like one.”

“Thirsty Pariapuria [Par-Eee-Uh-Pur-Eee-Uh] is… I guess… Kinda slightly difficult just because it’s annoying & can inflict so many different status conditions. But just like Deviljho, it’s very weak & can be slain pretty easily overall.”

“Mysterious Mi Ru [Me-Roo] is definitely the hardest of the Musous that most people consider to be in the easy category. It has a decent amount of health & some pretty dangerous attacks with weird timings. It can also inflict Crystal Blight which totally ruins you. But any reasonably skilled player can slay it after just a handful of attempts. It’s really not that bad.”

“And finally, to cap off the category of easy Musous, there’s Ruler Guanzorumu [Guan-Zor-Ooo-Moo]. This is by far the easiest Musou. It’s extremely slow, laughably lumbering, has incredibly low health & generally just doesn’t really do any significant damage. It even has a combo attack that’s supposed to kill you from full health, but you can actually survive it if you have Zenith Gear. It’s really sad. It’s a shame to because the fight itself is a fantastic spectacle. And the music is so epic! Really makes me wish the fight was harder.”

…

“Yeah, those are all four of the easy Musous. Now I’ll start talking about the Musous that actually require serious effort. There’s six of them.”

“The first one is Howling Zinogre [Zin-Oh-Grr]. Now here’s the funny thing about this particular Musou. It was actually the 2nd Musou ever released during the previous age of power creep. So you might be wondering how it could possibly be difficult. Well, thing is… The devs made it way too strong. It’s an overtuned Musou that was so overpowered on release that many players complained about it being unreasonably too hard. No team was able to slay it within the first 24 hours of release.”

“Even with modern power creep, it’s still a hefty challenge. Fast, aggressive attacks… Lightning dashes that can paralyze you into guaranteed deaths… Massive AoE attacks… It’s just a crazy Musou. Took me a good while before I got my solo clear.”

“The next one is Blitzkrieg Bogabadorumu [Boe-Guh-Bad-Oh-Roo-Moo]. This Musou is… Also kinda funny. It’s moveset isn’t actually the hard thing about it. It’s extremely slow & it’s honestly very easy to avoid getting hit. The problem is that it has a gargantuan amount of health. 1.2 Million HP to be exact. So if you’re trying to slay it alone, the difficulty isn’t the act of fighting it, but rather… Just getting the job done in time. 10 Minutes to burn through 1.2 Million HP all by yourself is… Pretty ridiculous. It almost feels like it was designed around Adrenaline because you get one-shotted at full health anyway. I have yet to solo this one. Not because it’s hard, but just because you have so little time to get through so much health. I usually end up timeout failing rather than dying to it.”

“Next up is Blinking Nargacuga [Nar-Guh-Coo-Guh]. This Musou is all about confounding you with speed. So much speed. It has super fast spin attacks, claw swipes, tails slams that shoot out poison spikes… And most dangerously, it has dash attacks that leave behind trails of razor wind that you lock you in place & deplete your health to zero. It took quite a lot of attempts before I got the solo down. Learning the fight is all about careful positioning, an attentive eye & a lot of patience. However, if you play well, it gets knocked down quite a bit giving you a lot of openings to attack. It’s certainly tricky, but it’s far from the hardest Musou. In fact… Weirdly… I think it’s actually somewhat harder in multiplayer because it’s attacks are less focused & harder to read. Especially if it gets you near a wall. That kind of poor positioning is a recipe for disaster.”

“Next is Sparkling Zerureusu [Zair-Roo-Ree-Ooo-Sue]. This was actually the very last monster ever added to the game before shutdown. But it’s not the hardest Musou. In fact, it’s actually kind of easy… Somewhat. Sure, you still need to use Adrenaline & play perfectly, but it’s attacks are incredibly fair. Very easy to read & well-telegraphed. It’s attacks consist of dazzling bursts of scarlet light. It’s very pretty & the fight itself is overall quite simple. Especially if you use Magnet Spike. Once you learn the fight, you can really bully it with that weapon. It didn’t take long for me to get the solo clear.”

“Next is a real doozy of a Musou. Arrogant Duremudira [Dur-Ray-Muh-Deer-Uh]. This one is… Yikes. Just yikes. It’s probably the worst Musou in terms of game design. It has sped up animations & janky hitboxes. Combine that with so many extremely brutal attacks & weirdly timed electrical explosions & you’ve got yourself a nasty hellish fight. It spams laser beams from several different angles, constantly stumbles hunters with tremors & is generally just an absolute terror to face. I haven’t even gotten close to soloing it yet. And to be honest… I may never.”

“And now… The Musou that I’ve been saving for last… Burning Freezing Eruzerion [Air-Roo-Zair-Eee-On]. This Musou is largely considered to be the absolute hardest challenge in the entire Monster Hunter franchise. It has a staggering one million HP & a plethora of fast, layered & complex attacks. This Musou really has it all. Massive explosions, fire & ice attacks that are rapidly spread over most of the arena, moves that require you to position quickly & carefully… The list goes on. And even if you play perfectly, you still need at least some luck to succeed.”

“It’s so fast… So dangerous… You need to pay so much attention to every little detail of the fight. And even the tiniest mistake will get you punished with instant death. I really can’t express enough just how ridiculous it is. After release, it took 8 weeks for the first team clear to be achieved & a whopping 9 months for the first solo clear.”

…

“Yes, this is the Musou I was fighting when you walked in. I’m trying to solo it.”

…

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll succeed… Eventually… After a thousand more attempts or something.”

…

“I know I don’t need to do it. I don’t really earn anything. But it would be so satisfying, you know? Just the pride & bragging rights of having soloed the critically acclaimed hardest monster ever.”

…

“Of course I’m recording every attempt. If I’m gonna make the claim, I need video proof.”

…

“Sure babe. You can start your own save file if you really want. I need to take a break anyway. Soloing Musous really takes a lot out of a person. I’m warning you though… Monster Hunter Frontier is a pretty hard game.”

…

“You relish the challenge. Oooh~ How exciting. I look forward to seeing how you do.”

_______________________________________________

THE END

[dancingdanvers1]

Sloane had no idea what was running through Avery’s head which was probably a lucky escape for the brunette otherwise her perfectly manicured nails would currently be being used for something other than aesthetics. It was amazing how much damage they could do if they came at someones face from the right angle. Whatever Avery was internally defending Ophelia for, and accusing Sloane of, there was no way for her to know the entire story because no one did. Some knew fractions of it, like her mother, Axel, but no one had the entire lowdown because there was too much shame surrounding it for the redhead. 

Kissing her teeth with her tongue she nodded slowly at the concession that both art form needed teamwork in order to succeed, it was true. As much as Sloane had wanted to be the Prima and lead the shows she couldn’t have done it without the rest of the company, that was just the honest truth. “Well, some are smaller than others, that just doesn’t necessarily make them less crucial.” She corrected calmly, hand still holding tightly to her dance bag that was slung over her shoulder. 

We put in all this hard work because we love it - that was equal parts true and false in Sloane’s eyes but she didn’t comment on it, instead just offering a tight smile to the woman. “I don’t want to be back here, I don’t want to be ranking anywhere in this ballet company, I want to be in New York opening the show I am meant to be opening in two weeks. At the end of the day, we put all this hard work and effort into it because without that we wouldn’t be mid range at best. No one aspires to be average, if they tell you otherwise they are lying, to you and to themselves..” 

Avery’s eyes narrowed, not really caring so much about the insult to her rather than her attack on Ophelia. Still, she kept her lips pressed tight, knowing any comeback—any truth—was Ophelia’s alone. It wasn’t about skill at all. It was about the prettiest girl willing to spread their legs for the bastard in charge. Avery wondered, did Sloane know how close she had gotten to being dethroned for the next youngest thing? Then again, maybe she already had been? It would explain why she was here. If he had been willing to offer Ophelia a chance at the top, who’s to say he didn’t have another girl as backup?

Suddenly, the attack in Avery’s eyes dissipated and was replaced by sympathy. The girl was clearly a bitch but even she didn’t deserve that kind of treatment. She must have been talented to have made it to the top. It was a shame she lost it through no fault of her own. Avery took a deep breath and shook her head, calming herself down. “You’re right. Both our arts require teamwork to truly elevate them. No ballet or concerto is magnificent without the accompaniment of an entire troupe. No part is too small.”

Her eyes went to the door of the studio and she smiled, letting thoughts of her girlfriend calm her. “And at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what rank or company you are in as long as you’re happy. I’m slowly beginning to learn that from her. We put all this hard work and time into it because we love it, right?” Avery spent her entire life chasing prestige because her parents demanded it of her. She won numerous awards and accolades, yet none of that made her love playing the violin. It didn’t make her love it the same way she loved it when she was able to accompany Ophelia and elevate her dance. The violin finally had a purpose beyond her ego and that was a gift.

[the-littlest-goblin]

ooooooooh for fic prompts, could i request: essek interacting with Frumpkin, specifically playing with him (so as to impress Caleb and earn his favor a bit), but our favorite hot boi most likely did not have pets growing up and is at a bit of a loss with what to do. (bonus: Caleb sees this and thinks it's incredibly endearing)

I think you got everything you wanted. ft. my personal 'here’s how Frumpkin can still win’ headcanon.

----

This was not how familiars were supposed to work.

Essek may not have summoned one before (he’d never really understood the use of an assistant with no opposable thumbs), but he had read enough about the spell to know that this was not how familiars were supposed to behave. 

Maybe that was because Frumpkin didn’t technically count as a familiar anymore.

No one knew exactly what had happened, or why. Essek and Caleb had exchanged a number of theories on the matter, but so far the best explanation still went to Beau’s conclusion: “weird fey shit.”

After Aeor and the Somnovem, when they had all finally gotten a chance to breathe again, Caleb had done some sort of ritual to more permanently banish his familiar. Essek hadn’t gotten the full context at the time, but it had something to do with symbolic closure and moving on. The cat was already gone from the Material Plane at that point, but Caleb had wanted to remove the temptation to summon him again, and so devised a sort of reversal of the Find Familiar spell.

However, upon performing the anti-summoning ritual, the cat had appeared in the ritual circle as if Caleb had cast the spell as usual. Only instead of going to his master’s side, Frumpkin had sauntered away from Caleb with a swish of his tail and gone to sit directly at Essek’s feet.

“Hmm,” Caleb had muttered, the hint of a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. “It looks like he has made a choice.”

Ever since, Caleb had been unable to banish Frumpkin, or communicate with him, or give him orders. He had seemingly lost his magical connection to, and mastery over, the cat—Frumpkin was no longer his familiar, as had been the intention. It was just that Frumpkin apparently liked the Material Plane better than the Feywild, and so refused to leave. And since Caleb had let him go, he chose a new wizard to keep him company. For the next several days they had spent recuperating and planning their next moves, Frumpkin stuck with Essek, never straying from his side for long.

But, crucially, he did not become Essek’s familiar, a lesson they had learned quickly enough. Essek didn’t even have Find Familiar in his spellbook. He couldn’t banish Frumpkin, he couldn’t communicate telepathically with him, and he certainly couldn’t give him orders. 

So, Essek just had a pet cat now, one which happened to be fey in nature. Stranger things had happened—much, much stranger—so for Essek’s part, it had seemed easiest to just accept this development in stride. At times, he was even grateful for the cat’s presence. 

But right now, he was very much not. At least familiars were obedient.

Essek winced against the sound of shattering glass—a sound which was becoming somewhat routine since taking up residence in these new, temporary lodgings with Frumpkin as his roommate. 

Essek closed his eyes and took one deep breath before looking up from his notes to survey the damage. His gaze met Frumpkin’s round, amber eyes across the room, looking impossibly innocent where he sat primly on one of the tables which Essek had set up to house his research. His tail swished back and forth where it hung over the edge, acting like a flashing signal to point Essek’s attention down towards the starburst of broken glass glittering directly beneath him.

Mercifully, the beaker which Frumpkin had marked for termination had been holding a harmless and easily replaceable solvent, rather than any of the more valuable or dangerous liquids Essek had lying around in his provisional lab. His fingers curled protectively around the precious vial of liquid dunamis sitting next to him.

“Why?” He let the single syllable of the word stretch out into a long, bone-deep groan lasting several seconds. The question was aimed both at Frumpkin and at himself, and covered a variety of curiosities he had about the situation. Why did Frumpkin feel such a persistent desire to destroy Essek’s belongings? Why had he chosen to adhere himself to Essek in the first place, when he seemed to hold a deep disdain for everything Essek owned or did? Why was Essek incapable of learning the very simple lesson of locking the door to this makeshift lab? Why had he promised Caleb that he would take care of Frumpkin while the Mighty Nein dealt with the Assembly, instead of throwing the mangy beast out onto the streets of Port Dumali as soon as they had arrived at the safe house?

None of these were questions to which Essek was about to get any answers, so he tried another one.

“What do you want from me?”

Frumpkin blinked.

“You are still a fey being. You don’t need food or water, and as far as I understand, providing those two things are the pillars of caring for a pet. So, what else could you possibly need that requires my attention?”

Frumpkin flicked his ears.

Caleb had given Essek a brief overview of what to expect in terms of cat-care, but either he had chosen to leave out a lot of unsavory details, or decoupling from their arcane connection had put Frumpkin through a drastic personality change, because Essek had received no instructions about how to handle the kind of stalemate in which he currently found himself.

“You have my sincerest apologies, but unlike your previous master, I cannot read your thoughts, and your current methods of communication are lacking in clarity.”

Frumpkin’s tail began swishing faster. He broke eye contact with Essek to gaze intently at the row of jars lining the next table over. These were full of various concoctions, including some potentially dangerous acids, the results of Essek’s increasing boredom as he stayed hunkered down in his safe house day after day. He only ever went out for the duration of a Disguise Self to buy food or other necessary supplies; he was too noticeable to amble around the city for leisure, on the slim but ever-present risk that word of a strange drow in Port Dumali would reach the ears of Ikithon or his servants. Essek was under strict instructions to stay as hidden as possible until he got the all-clear from the Mighty Nein. With only the materials to continue his most basic experiments with dunamis, he was growing bored out of his mind. 

Essek heaved another deep sigh before reluctantly abandoning his notes and gliding over to where Frumpkin had stationed himself. With a short wave of his hands, the spill vanished and the broken shards of glass floated gently into the trash bin. Then, Essek unceremoniously lifted the cat into his arms before he had the chance to wreak any more havoc, and deposited him outside the door. 

Distraction removed, Essek made to turn around and return to his research, this time intending to lock the door to prevent further feline interruptions. But before he could do so, he made the mistake of looking into Frumpkin’s eyes again. The cat’s pupils gleamed, impossibly wide and round, and his tail was still swishing back and forth in an incomprehensible pattern, like some sort of code. A mixture of affection and guilt welled up in Essek, rooting to the spot.

Godsdammit, but he had promised Caleb he was going to take care of his cat, and that meant not ignoring Frumpkin when he was clearly trying to tell him something. Because even if Caleb no longer wanted a familiar to travel around with him, he still loved this damned cat, and also Essek was trying to be less callous and heartless in general.

He thought back to Caleb’s instructions with a fair bit of desperation, searching for some hint of what would make Frumpkin happy. All he came up with was a faint recollection, something about enjoying being scratched behind the ears.

“Is that all you want? Is that what you interrupted me for?” Fighting not to roll his eyes, Essek reached down for a pet.

As soon as he got close enough, Frumpkin lunged.

“Gah!” Essek snatched his hand back, nursing the sting of pain from Frumpkin’s bite. There was no blood; the little demons’s fangs hadn’t managed to break the skin. It could barely count as an injury, but the shock of betrayal hurt more than the scratch.

“What in the Nine Hells was that for?” Essek glared at Frumpkin, then noticed just in time that the cat was poised to strike again. This time, he only had to turn slightly to keep his hands out of harm's way, but Frumpkin wasn’t aiming for the exposed skin. There was a loose thread dangling from the hem of Essek’s sleeve, apparently caught by the previous attack. Frumpkin was intent on it. He flung himself at the thread, grabbing at it with his clumsy paws. It slipped through his grip, and he lunged again without hesitation.

Experimentally, Essek lifted his arm so the thread dangled higher off the ground. Frumpkin took the challenge to heart, leaping to grab it in his teeth before it slipped out of his grasp again, and he landed on the floor in defeat. Essek moved his arm over to one side, and Frumpkin followed with enthusiasm, this time managing to get the thread around one claw. The split second of resistance was enough to tear it from Essek’s sleeve. Frumpkin rolled over onto his back, victorious, batting his prize around in euphoric glee.

A grin spread across Essek’s face as he watched this display of simple delight. 

“I suppose you were just bored, too. Was that it?”

Frumpkin responded by biting the string with a vengeance. 

An idea began forming in the corner of his mind as he watched Frumpkin playing. Absentmindedly, Essek twisted his fingers and summoned a trace thread of dunamis into his hand, shaping and stretching it into a longer and longer cord of greyish, glowing energy, which he then dangled tantalizingly over Frumpkin’s head. The boring, non-magical string was immediately forgotten and discarded as Frumpkin caught sight of the dunamis toy. His whole body wiggling in excitement, he lunged at the cord again and again, pulling a genuine laugh out of Essek as he bobbed and weaved the magic around, dancing it out of Frumpkin’s grasp. He needed a break from his lab anyway, and this was shockingly entertaining.

---

“Well? How are they?” Just a hint of nerves colored Caleb’s voice, as it did every time they checked in on Essek. The fear that this time, the scry would reveal him not safe and sound on the Coast, far from the Trent’s reach, but somewhere cold and dark and threatening.

The faint glow faded from Jester’s eyes as the spell ended. Looking up at Caleb with a smile, she said, “You’re not going to believe this Caleb, it’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”

Caleb grinned back at her.

[bigskydreaming]

I feel another fanon debunk session coming over me, and this one’s a BIG one. 

Let’s talk about the DickKory breakup, and why it happened.

Yup, we’re going there.

Before we get going though, I want to make one thing abundantly clear: this is NOT an invitation to bash on Kory. There will be no bashing of Kory on this post if I have anything to say about it, and its my post, so I do. So nyah nyah. But seriously like, don’t get my reasons for making this post wrong. I LOVE Kory. I SHIP Dick/Kory. And I don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, no matter how the page I’m about to show makes it appear, for reasons that I will get into later in this post, but like. I really truly don’t. I don’t think the Dick/Kory breakup ultimately was either of their fault. I think it was the painful end result of them both hitting rock bottom due to endless external fuckery with their lives and their minds during the tail end of their relationship, making it all but impossible for them to be there for each other the way they truly needed and WANTED to be....ultimately forcing them to break off and BOTH try and reorder their lives on their own. But IMO, this NEVER actually marked a dissolution of their feelings for each other, no matter what either (particularly Dick) eventually claimed in order to rationalize things to themselves.

I do however think some of the other Titans bear some culpability for not seeing things as they truly were here. I can understand given what they all went through during this time period like, how maybe it became easier to just blame Dick especially as he has a tendency to be so willing to accept blame? And so I think a lot of conclusions were jumped to that at other times they WOULD have spent more time thinking through. But here and now they didn’t simply because they were so relieved to HAVE an easy, simple explanation for things going wrong and someone to blame, someone who ACCEPTED blame. And thus more easily allowing them to speed through to the portion of events where they worked on ‘forgiving him’ for what he’d done so they could all move past it.

Okay, so let me stop talking in code for those of you who have only the faintest idea of what I’m talking about.

Traditional fanon states - and most wiki summaries I’ve seen actually CORROBORATE this, which drives me COMPLETELY up the wall because I would like to have WORDS with whomever wrote each of these wiki summaries - that ultimately, Dick and Kory broke up because they rushed into things with the wedding and both realized they weren’t actually ready to get married.

Let me be clear: this is totally and completely 100% true.

Fanon and wikis go ON however, to conclude that the ‘fault’ lies with Dick, because he was the one who jumped the gun in proposing, and that he only DID so, because he thought getting married would ‘help him finally grow up’ and ‘hit one of the milestones he thought he was missing while everyone else his age that he’d known in high school and stuff were graduating college and getting married and having kids right about now.’ And also that he eventually concluded that he didn’t actually love Kory the way he thought he did and needed to let her go for her sake.

Now let me also be clear: this is also MOSTLY true in the sense that he did eventually THINK these thoughts, some ten or fifteen issues after their crashed wedding, when he was off on his own and thinking through everything that was going on in his life and trying to make sense of the decisions he’d been making lately, most of which he was unhappy with.

The one part that ISN’T true is that last bit, which a lot of people extrapolate from and use as their basis for saying Dick ‘fell out of love with Kory’ and ‘realized that he no longer loved her the way he once had,’ with this leading into why they never got back together after Kory returned to Earth in the Titans revival series in the late 90s.

HOWEVER.

There’s a tiiiiiiiiiny little correction I must make to that last part, which might seem insignificant, but becomes ABUNDANTLY important when added to some other much needed - and much ignored overlooked - context:

Dick never ACTUALLY said or thought that he didn’t love Kory anymore, full stop. What he actually said, in its entirety, was that he realized “he never really loved Kory the way she deserved to be loved.”

Why is this distinction so important? Hang on just a sec, we’re almost there.

Now I would like to share with you, for those who have never seen this page or those who perhaps have forgotten it or its significance, the EXACT page where Dick proposes to Kory, from The New Titans #99, one issue before their wedding special in issue #100. (What’s that? You’re surprised that they got married the very issue after the proposal? You thought that they were engaged for a lengthier period of time? Ohhhh don’t worry, fair readers. We’ll get there. Ohhhh we’ll get there).

But first, those of you who have never actually read this page before, I would like you to take a look at it, and see if you can Where’s Waldo what it is about this page that makes my blood reach a boiling point in excess of 2000 degrees Fahrenheit every time someone utters the words “Dick rushed into marriage because he thought it would make him grow up or hit some important life milestone.”

Take a gander, what do you see:

See it? Get what I’m talking about?

Any talk of Dick and Kory breaking up because they weren’t ready to get married, and Dick having been the one to rush them into it before they were ready, COMPLETELY fails at accurately representing the events of that time if it fails to mention the fact that:

DICK ONLY PROPOSED WHEN HE DID BECAUSE HE WAS DESPERATE TO CONVINCE KORY, HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE THAT HE LOVED HER AND ONLY HER AND SLEEPING WITH MIRAGE HAD MEANT NOTHING!

(Since, y’know, he didn’t actually sleep with her so much as he was raped by her).

I mean, your mileage may vary, but me, I happen to think that bit there is pretty CRITICAL FUCKING INTEL when it comes to this whole matter.

Claiming Dick is to blame because he rushed into marriage because he was looking to grow up or hit some milestone utterly FAILS as an analytical conclusion in EVERY POSSIBLE WAY....

When there is both ZERO indication from him BEFORE the proposal, that those are reasons or thoughts he has that has him leaning towards proposing.....

As well as ZERO reflection AFTER the failed wedding, that being desperate to convince everyone who thought he’d cheated on Kory that he really did love her, was at all a key motivating factor in him proposing when and how he did.

Like it or not, Mirage and the storyline surrounding that is utterly CRUCIAL to the DickKory breakup, because EVERY mention of that describes the cause of that breakup being rushing into marriage, and if you take away that storyline - and every character’s reaction to it - there is absolutely NO reason to even THINK Dick would still have proposed when he did.

And thus, leaving the Mirage story ENTIRELY out of all talk of the end of Dick and Kory’s relationship, is just....blatantly not indicative of what the story actually was.

Now, in addition, I know we tend to talk about this story as though DC sucks for never calling the rape what it was, and say that if DC’s not willing to treat these things as what they really are, they shouldn’t be using them as story points. First order of business: Yes DC sucks a lot and their handling of all this sucked.

BUT.

It is also not entirely accurate to say that they never TREATED this story as what it was.

Because while everyone else may have been fixated on it as Dick cheating on Kory....initially, at pretty much every point UNTIL the wedding....Dick at least was STEADFAST in not considering HIMSELF having cheated. I mean, look at his language in just the page above. He talks about being “repulsed” by what Mirage did. The writers might have never actually called what happened to Dick ‘rape,’ but initially they were VERY consistent in nevertheless writing him as someone who at least to some degree felt victimized by what happened, rather than culpable. He was trying to convince everyone ELSE to see it that way - until eventually he kinda gave up, and started to see it THEIR way. 

You can literally see him already starting to make the pivot towards rationalizing that POV to himself in the above page....he talks about ‘thinking with his hormones’ and that leading him to make a mistake, even though his hormones had nothing to do with whether what happened was wrong or not.....it was always entirely about: would he have consented to sex with Mirage IF he knew she wasn’t really Kory. Thinking with his hormones in no way addresses the fact that its completely unreasonable to expect anyone to be so on guard 24/7, even in the privacy of their own bedroom with their own girlfriend, that they have their eyes peeled for an impostor even there. 

In fact, imagine what the others would have all said if Dick hadn’t slept with Mirage that night, or else had confided in them later that it felt not right, that something was wrong, at some point BEFORE Mirage entered and told Dick in front of everyone that it had actually been her. How likely do you think it would have been that instead of taking Dick at face value, many of them would have instead viewed this as just another time Dick was exercising “Bat-paranoia” rather than allowing himself to be intimate with a loved one the way normal, non-Batfolk do, y’know? Do you think they would have automatically agreed with him that there was something up and he had reason to feel that ‘something wasn’t right about Kory’ when Dick probably still would have had no idea what for sure he felt was off, let alone that it wasn’t ACTUALLY her? Or would they have gotten on his case about how this is just him self-sabotaging again and letting his issues come between him and someone he cared about?

Tbh, one of the things that was greatest about Dick and Kory’s relationship IMO was that she was one of the best at getting him out of his own head. With Kory, when they weren’t both being jerked around by brainwashing plots and the like, Dick was better at just....letting go and just being himself around her. He didn’t feel like he had to constantly be on his guard or waiting for the other shoe to drop. Ironically, IMO, Dick DOES have a tendency to self-sabotage at times and let paranoia or other issues keep him from totally dropping his defenses and letting himself be vulnerable with other people.....meaning he probably would have been MORE likely to cue into something being off, if it had been anyone BUT Kory he’d been dating when Mirage replaced them.

So bottom line is, you can’t actually fully blame the writing for the others’ reactions to this story. Because whether they ever actually acknowledged it or not, for a good ten to fifteen issues up to the wedding, the writers pretty consistently depicted Dick as someone who was and felt victimized, even if he didn’t consciously realize it yet himself, let alone why. There were repeated moments between Kory initially breaking up with him after it happened through this proposal above, where it basically reads like Dick yelling “Ask me how violated I feel! Go on, ask me!” Except he never really got the chance because he was too busy replying to everyone around him that he hadn’t cheated on Kory, he thought he was WITH Kory, and that was the ONLY reason he had sex that night.

Slight tangent - this btw, is why I can never even get worked up enough about Nightwing Annual #2 to be like, defensive about it. That was the flashback issue written YEARS after all these events, where retroactively Andreyko inserted at some point between this proposal and the wedding - without changing anything else or the events he wrote ever being brought up or acknowledged again - a story where Dick went to visit Babs to personally deliver her wedding invitation....but only AFTER they slept together. And then when he gave her the invitation and she got furious about what had just happened, he just blithely said oh Kory won’t mind, and Babs was like yeah well I MIND!

Which was a totally valid reaction for Babs to have to those events as depicted, its just....I can’t remotely take them seriously, not when I’ve actually READ the events that by Andreyko’s own admission are meant to bookend that story. So you’re telling me, that right after Dick proposes to his longtime girlfriend SPECIFICALLY because he’s desperate to convince her he loves only her and would never willingly sleep with anyone else......he would go and sleep with someone else between then and the wedding? And then just without a hint of remorse say oh what’s the problem, Kory would be fine with it - when literally everything else about the wedding even HAPPENING was based on the fact that he knew for a fact that Kory would NOT in fact, be fine with that? Umm, make it make sense, except you can’t, because that story and the point where it makes sense are in two entirely different galactic quadrants. Green Lanterns couldn’t make it from Point A to Point B. So lol, sorry not sorry, I’m gonna stay not taking that story or claims that Dick is ACTUALLY a cheater, like, remotely seriously. I mean, your mileage may vary, but I especially don’t think anyone who can make excuses for Bruce’s many transgressions being OOC like, has any business trying to pass this particular story off as in character, but WHATEVS. Like, you CAN do it if you really want to, but I mean, I’m just gonna think that’s silly. I’ll be like OMG you’re so silly. Why are you so silly, can we just stop with all the silliness. And then like, I’ll go do something else or whatever. 

(Oh and for the record, the wedding was the issue after Dick proposed, but it wasn’t meant to be like, the day after or anything. BUT we do know it was still pretty damn soon after, like at most a week or two....because the concurrent storyline was Roy being upset because the government was trying to shut down the Titans and said they would unless Roy took leadership from Dick and ousted him, which Roy understandably was NOT keen to do, even and especially with everything going on as the Titans were a family first and foremost and he was stuck between trying to preserve them and keep them going and betraying everything they stood for by basically instigating a vote of no confidence in Dick’s leadership.....but point being, Roy kept stalling the government agent asking for his answer......when said agent was very impatient, and asked repeatedly both in issue #99 AND issue #100. So you’re never going to convince me Roy managed to stall said agent for months or whatever, or any longer than a couple weeks at most, to allow for Dick and everyone else to put together a shotgun wedding for him and Kory. Which just further adds to the make it make sense aspect of the above mentioned Annual, but I absofuckinglutely digress).

Anyway. 

NOW, let’s bring it back around to when I said like, don’t do the thing, don’t actually blame Kory for any of this, don’t you do it? /paraphrase

Yeah. So we’re there at that point now, and I reiterate once more for the court, like, hey, what if you just don’t? Y’know? Even if you’re looking at her dialogue in the above page I posted and are like, I’m feeling the urge, the urge to.....idk something that rhymes with urge but is bad I guess? Whatever. Just like. Don’t do it. Say nasty things about Kory because of this story three times in front of your computer and I will totally like, be conjured by that and crawl out of your screen all creepy girl from The Ring style. It will NOT be pretty. I am NOT meant to fit through there. I can NOT make it look good. You have been warned.

Okay so like, the reason I say none of this is on Kory even though I don’t make the same distinctions for the other Titans is threefold. No, lbr, its probably more on account of I can’t count and I’m always wrong about this shit. But let’s start with three.

1) The first thing we need to address is the fact that Dick WAS acting erratically and out of character through all of this time, even before what happened with Mirage. This was still in the near aftermath of Titans Hunt, and he was still reeling from that, and holding himself totally accountable. People who’ve followed me for awhile have probably seen me fixate on Titans Hunt before, but I honestly don’t think anyone who hasn’t read the full extent of comics from that storyline all the way through like....The New Titans #115 or so, like.....truly grasps the extent of just HOW much that single storyline affected Dick. He was at rock bottom because of it in a way that is probably only truly comparable with the Blockbuster storyline, but for even LONGER. Like the span of comics I referenced just now covers probably like....almost fifty issues. 

That’s fifty issues where Dick consistently brings up his failure to stop that and how much Joey and Charlie and Arella and everyone else’s deaths during that like, just weighs on him, and fucks with his confidence and just.....his overall sense of purpose and self. He WAS lost and aimless for a lot of that time. And he DID absolutely even recognize HIMSELF that it was affecting him. Like ten issues or so after the crashed wedding, when he’s on his own journey of self-discovery while looking for Kory in the Amazon (uh yeah, that’s a thing. I’ll get to that)....like, he acknowledges to himself that ever since the Titans Hunt he’s been getting crazier and more demanding (his words) and he doesn’t even recognize himself anymore...and he attributes all of that to not having come to terms with their deaths and his inability to prevent them. 

Now, notably, he DOESN’T ever at this time acknowledge that his behavior took an INCREASINGLY downward spiral ever since Mirage and specifically due to everyone blaming him for what he deep down felt wasn’t actually his fault but was losing conviction in. And quite frankly, even though he SAYS at this point he’s ready to move on from their losses, I don’t think that actually happened, but I’ll get back to both those things. First, the important point here, in terms of Kory, is that from her perspective, Dick had been increasingly unpredictable and not himself ever since the losses during Titans Hunt. Actually, given that she was the one who went with him to the Manor after Jason’s death and the only one who saw him come in and out and who thus knows the full extent of what transpired there - with this all happening not long before Titans Hunt - you could additionally say her awareness of that also has her almost prepared to expect the totally unexpected from Dick at this point.

Does that mean its right? No. But it does mean that its there.

2) Next. Kory was not actually offered the chance by the storyline to internalize what happened between Mirage and Dick from a stable, grounded headspace. Mirage KIDNAPPED Kory and replaced her before she slept with Dick. In the grand scheme of things, what happened to Kory specifically here is probably far from the worst thing that’s ever happened to her, but it couldn’t have been pleasant and I’m the first to yell NO TRAUMA OLYMPICS so in that spirit, fuck whether it was as bad as it COULD have been, and again, just acknowledge that it happened, and its reasonable and expected that it would have a negative effect on Kory. She was targeted and victimized by Mirage too. Not in the same way as Dick, but add that to the fact that unlike the other Titans, she was the one IN the relationship with Dick and thus the only one besides him that had a stake in what Mirage’s actions served as a catalyst for in that regard, like....she was not an impartial bystander to all this, and that needs to be considered. She was PART of it. It was her life that was hijacked by all this too.

3) Third.....it is extremely extremely EXTREMELY important here to acknowledge that Kory is herself a rape survivor. She has extensive trauma from her childhood in the Citadel, and that is bound to color her perceptions of what happened here, at least initially. I am 174% soooooo not here for vilifying another rape survivor in defense of a different rape survivor. Like, I’m just saying.....do not throw Kory under the bus for not acknowledging Dick’s trauma and trauma responses as a rape survivor in this story if you’re not also YOURSELF acknowledging Kory’s OWN trauma as a rape survivor.

This is key not because it says any opinions she had at this time don’t count, but rather that they simply don’t come from the same place as the VICTIM-BLAMING that is the central issue with others holding Dick accountable for his own rape. In Kory’s case, we have to consider the issue of projection. The ways in which her own experiences and how they’ve informed her DEFAULT perception of something that deeply affected her, might skew her initial reaction to experiences which share a LABEL, but not specific ELEMENTS.

What I mean here is both Kory and Dick, as of this point in time, are rape survivors. But they survived very very VERY different kinds of rape. Both were abundantly clear that they DID NOT WANT what happened to them, that they were not willing parties to what actually transpired....but what springs to Kory’s mind when someone says “I didn’t want the sex that happened” is understandably going to look VERY different from what Dick was describing when he said “I didn’t want the sex that happened.” So its not really all that unreasonable for Kory to hold those two things up in her head and say these are not the same, and from there jump to the unfortunate conclusion that Dick HAD wanted it on some level, else it would have looked more like her own experiences...especially because others around them were already voicing and affirming this opinion in various ways. 

Again, is this fair, or deserved? No. But I talk all the time with other characters and with Dick himself about how its just not reasonable to expect characters - especially ones with highly CHARGED emotions related to their own parallel experiences - to act from an unbiased state or POV and thus leap to the most ideal conclusion without at least first stumbling through some other ones. So with Kory, her own context with rape simply CAN NOT be divorced from the fact that recognizing the central issue of this later moment in time was that it was a rape. Her own experiences and the likely projection of them onto the moment at hand add a degree of context to conclusions she arrived at that other characters simply do not have....and thus, again, its not okay to paint her with the same brush as all those characters. And unless you’re already somehow making a distinction as to why her reaction is different from others despite superficially appearing the same......then like. You need to be. LOL. 

4) The other factor that’s important to consider here is that just like Kory was never offered the chance to RECEIVE information of what happened from a relatively grounded place and headspace....the stories never gave her any real time to think things through, process over time, and arrive at different conclusions from her earlier ones. Again, I talk all the time about how Dick’s experiences with the Titans pre-his time in Bludhaven were colored by multiple instances of brainwashing and his head being fucked with and being personally targeted and jerked around in a ton of ways? The same is true of Kory, and it needs to be given equal weight.

Their wedding was crashed by ‘the dark soul self’ of Raven - who they thought was dead - as she infected Kory with what she called a demon seed that was going to grow a new demon inside of her. Due to her possession, Kory spent weeks in a mental institutition, trying to overcome the entity inside her (with Dick sitting by her side and holding her hand through all of it, just FYI). When she finally did purge the entity from her, Kory took off and ended up in a village in the Amazon, with the ordeal having given her amnesia. Dick went after her, but he’d only just tracked her down when she took off again to foil an alien invasion using radio waves that she was uniquely suited to recognize due to being familiar with their tactics, but which pitted her against most of the rest of the world in like, the Ultimate Gaslighting Showdown as everyone kept telling her she was crazy (she was wearing a tinfoil hat to protect herself from the transmissions, the writers were deliberately not doing her any favors). 

Only after that was foiled did she regain her memories, and while off the page she agreed to meet with Dick to talk about their failed wedding and everything that happened afterward, as he’d returned from the Amazon by now, where he’d ultimately come to his own self-realizations about everything (or what we were told to accept were his realizations)....in the end she took off for Tamaran without meeting him, leaving him waiting where they’d agreed to rendezvous. Again, I say this not to vilify Kory, because I absolutely think she made the best choice for herself at the time, and should have, and I don’t think Dick has ever blamed her for that and tbh they both separately came to the same decisions about needing to be apart to recollect themselves and figure out who they were and where to go from here, like, without having to actually talk it out to arrive at the same point. I DO raise this point simply to put out there that in contrast to many other things I’ve seen said about the break up......they....never technically broke up?

Like I mean, don’t get me wrong. They DID. They both considered themselves broken up and eventually moved on with other people, Dick with Babs, and Kory with a general who she married back on New Tamaran before it was destroyed by the Sun Eater (again, Kory went through some SHIT after their break up. Dick wasn’t the only one.) But I just mean like.....it was LITERALLY the most mutual break-up that is possible for a break-up to be, because neither one of them ever actually communicated their intent to the other in order for them to both CLEARLY be on the same page. There was no “Dick called off the wedding” - that never actually happened, it was just....never revisited. There was no “Dick told her he no longer had feelings for her” - that was something that happened later, and yes, I’ll get to that too. OMG shut up me. But also shh I’m talking. 

But yeah like.....their break-up, despite being almost universally claimed as Dick’s choice and responsibility, with zero mention of Mirage’s role in it in any official accounting of it I’VE ever seen, and with Kory painted as being the victim of Dick’s wandering ways and not knowing what he wanted in the distant aftermath of their break-up, as it was said that due to being Tamaranean, she loved for life and thus would always be in love with Dick even though he after her return claimed he no longer loved her (like, I don’t blame Kory but I also don’t like takes that act like Dick DID all this to Kory somehow. Like that’s literally the entire point here, neither of them needs to be to blame or each other’s victim according to how the story ACTUALLY went).....

But yeah, despite all that.....it really was the most mutually arrived at decision ever, because neither one of them actually EVER EVEN SAID ‘WE NEED TO BREAK UP’ to the other. They both just....ended up there on their own. 

(And also because DC wanted them there in order to secure the rest of their push to put Nightwing solely back in the Batbooks for the next several years. With, don’t forget, this all coinciding with the government forcing him out of the Titans and putting Roy in charge and with this all culminating in Dick having his initial adventure in Bludhaven at Bruce’s ask, and then deciding to make that his new base of operations and kinda reinvent himself there, at the start of his solo title. Again, shout out to the myth of “Dick Grayson always runs from things because commitment issues” - not only did he NOT flee to Bludhaven because he just changed his mind about the wedding and said whoops sorry Kory, it wasn’t even his CHOICE to leave the Titans, even if eventually he agreed it was for the best right now. His ex went back to her home planet and he was asked to leave his team. Why the fuck WOULDN’T he go somewhere else?)

NEXT. (jfc he mumbled to himself under his breath. what the fuck did I start here).

Circling back around AGAIN, this time back to Dick’s STATED reasons for deciding things were over.

Two...umm, fuck it, ‘a number that is more than one’ things that need to be kept in mind HERE:

1) The most crucial bit of context when examining Dick’s journey of self-exploration in the Amazon while searching for Kory and what he comes to say and think about everything that’s happened and his own behavior....

Is that he is an EXTREMELY unreliable narrator at this point in time. Y’know how we talk about Dick having that tendency to take on more accountability than is actually earned and is way quicker to view himself as in need of apologizing than he is to view others needing to do that for him?

Yeah I mean, that’s a thing, I definitely have like a billion citations ready to go on a moment’s notice, but point is, being aware of that tendency means absolutely nothing if you don’t actively APPLY that awareness to Dick’s periods of self-reflection and like....compare and contrast what he THINKS about things he’s said or done with like....what he’s ACTUALLY said or done.

For instance, on the way to his so-called epiphanies about all this, he makes the claim that the entire time Kory was dealing with the demon entity inside of her, he was being so selfish because all he was doing was wishing she would wake up or be free of it so that she could help him with his problems instead. (And just for the record, I can provide actual panels for everything I reference in this post, I’m just limiting myself to a couple because I’m just trying to NOT beat War and Peace’s pagecount as it is. Will I succeed? No. Did I try? Yes.)

Now, Dick spending his time at his possessed fianceé’s side doing nothing but wishing she would snap out of it and focus on his problems instead.....is that selfish of him?

Well, yeah.

But is it TRUE?

I mean, you tell me:

This is right smack dab in the middle of that whole storyline, set only a few issues after the crashed wedding, and before Kory successfully evicts the demon entity and loses her memories. This is literally what Dick was ACTUALLY like the entire time. At the TIME, every single thing he said and did was focused on her.....the CLOSEST he came even in his internal monologue, to making it all about him, was him thinking about how this has shown him just how much he needs her.

Do people helping a loved one through something traumatic occasionally have selfish thoughts where their awareness of their own troubles momentarily supersedes their focus on their loved one? Yeah. Does this actually make them selfish if their ACTUAL focus and actions and words are aimed entirely at their loved ones the whole time, with no single actual detour to “hey, while you’re up, can we talk about me for a sec”?

Mmmmm....I feel like no, but I am open to you drawing other conclusions as long as you are aware that they are wrong and mine is right, kay. I mean okay, fine. You can disagree with me here but I’m still gonna disagree about your disagreement there and its just gonna be this whole big thing and its like, ugh, whatever, y’know?

But hey, you do you.

ANYWAY, point is, unless you draw the wrong conclusion here in which case PTTTHB!, like, I think its safe to say Dick thinking in the midst of his self-awareness deep dive that he was being nothing but selfish during that whole story and thus didn’t deserve Kory, like....whether or not the writers are actually AWARE of it or not, I mean......that’s still a pretty good context clue that his internal monologues at this point in time are maybe a little bit skewed towards being more about accepting blame than reflecting reality, right? Yes, no, maybe so?

Well then again, if you agree with me, then add to that awareness the added bit of trivia that every single other one of Dick’s ‘ultimate realizations’ (he just wanted to get married because he thought it would bring stability to his life, it would help him grow up, hit one of those aforementioned milestones, etc)....like every single one of them.....was an opinion that was FIRST offered by one of the other Titans. 

Every. Single. One.

(Wanted to get married for the stability was something Donna said she thought was his reasoning, to the other original Titans. The bit about thinking it would help him grow up was unfortunately ALSO Donna, but said to Kory before the wedding when Kory asked if she thought this was a mistake and if she thought Dick had proposed for the right reasons. The milestones thing was said by either Roy, Garth or Wally, I honestly forget which, but it was when the three of them went out to discuss the pending government takeover of the team and how to break this to Dick with everything else going on).

And with not a SINGLE one of these opinions present in ANY of Dick’s internal monologues BEFORE the proposal, hinting that they were anywhere near being on his radar at THAT point.

So....which makes more narrative sense? That Dick ultimately just realized that everything he THOUGHT was motivating him when he proposed was NOT true and that it was only his friends that clued into his actual reasons, which he must have overheard at some point and internalized in order to have replicated said opinions in his thoughts so exactly? Again with ZERO mention alongside any of this, that peoples’ views of what happened with Mirage was at ALL a factor in his thinking?

Or.....does it maybe better track, that over the course of Dick repeatedly expressing that he didn’t know it wasn’t Kory, that he never wanted to cheat on her, that he loved her and only her and would never knowingly do that....with NO ONE budging and everyone from Kory to all of his best friends acting like his adulterous guilt was an over and done with conclusion and they’d already long since moved on to the point of how willing or not they were to forgive him, based on everything else he’d been going through.....and with Dick thinking that how remorseful he appeared to be and how willing to ACCEPT accountability was likely to play a part in how much people were willing to look past all his recent fuck-ups here.......

Does it maaaaaaaybe actually make a little bit more sense that Dick’s total 180 into taking full responsibility and coming up with all these rationalizations for his actions that essentially just mimic theories everyone else had for his behavior has more to do with his deeply internalized acceptance that nobody was listening to his side of the story or what he was actually trying to say (without even real SELF awareness at the time that what he was feeling wasn’t just ‘I’m innocent of what you’re accusing me of’ but ‘I was violated and used’)?

That it was more about him finding ways to justify to himself getting on the same page everyone else ALREADY seemed to be on in regards to him and his recent behavior, as that seemed to be the only way to move forward, that he was tired of fighting everybody and feeling like he was in the wrong for it so honestly, maybe they were right?

Because from there.....

Its only a veeeeeery short hop, skip and a jump from “well I guess I DID do what they say and I SHOULD have known it wasn’t Kory”.....to.....”since the only thing I kept clinging to for how I couldn’t know was my insistence that I truly loved Kory, and it turns out that I still SHOULD have known anyway......doesn’t that mean that I didn’t really love Kory the way I thought I did? Or as much as I thought I did?”

“Did I never really love Kory as much as she deserved?”

Cuz uh, remember earlier when I talked about it being significant that Dick never ACTUALLY claimed during this time that he didn’t love Kory anymore or fell out of love with her or anything like that, but rather that his precise claim was “I didn’t love her AS MUCH AS SHE DESERVED”?

Aka.....”enough that I would have known it wasn’t actually Kory that I was with?”

Yeah. Uh, that. That’s the significance there. Yeah. So....

2) Now as to something else to keep in mind in regards to Dick’s eventual ‘self-realizations’ - this calls back to when I said earlier that Dick WAS acting erratically during this time, stemming all the way back to the Titans Hunt aftermath. He was overly aggressive, he was ready to fight anyone at a moment’s notice, he was tunnel-visioned.....in short, he was actually quite a lot how the fanon interpretations of his temper I rage about usually depict him. But the key thing here, and the reason why I wouldn’t have a problem with people drawing references from THIS time when talking about him behaving this way.....

Is that much like when Dick was behaving erratically during the Brother Blood storyline, it was with NARRATIVE INTENT.

There, Dick’s behavior led to the reveal that he was lashing out because he was fighting the Church of Blood’s mental conditioning. Here, Dick’s behavior is directly tied to his downward spiral resulting from the trauma of Titans Hunt and his guilt from that.

In both cases, I’d have zero issue with people referencing specific instances of this behavior....

As long as they ALSO reference and acknowledge the specific narrative context that was directly CONNECTED to that behavior. Its not about whether or not it excuses any specific thing he does, its about the fact that while these behaviors did happen, they shouldn’t be depicted as indicative of his OVERALL characterization, because they were specifically and deliberately written into his actions WITH INTENT by the writers, who were trying to use his DELIBERATELY out of the ordinary behavior to arrive at some narrative point or conclusion.

And here, for Dick, that was the eventual realization that he’d never fully dealt with his feelings about the losses during the Titans Hunt.

I don’t like how he acts in a lot of the issues around this time. Its ugly. But its MEANT to be ugly. I don’t like Dick’s fight with Roy when he tells him about taking over leadership because of the government’s interference. I don’t like it AT ALL. 

But what I DO like is how the very next page after the fight, after Donna follows Dick out of the room, Dick turns around and acknowledges how out of control he’d just been and said he felt it proved that everyone was right, things HAD gotten to him more than he’d realized or admitted to himself, and it probably was a sign he needed to take a step back, and besides, Kory needed him more than the team did right now anyway.

THAT’S one of the core things I like about Dick Grayson, that almost without exception, his worst actions or behaviors are almost immediately followed by his realization of this and a tangible action or change in his actions to address it. That’s not something every character can claim - in fact, its unfortunately pretty damn rare.

But here’s the problem with that, in this specific scenario:

Dick WAS spiraling, he DID act out in ways he was right to be called out on and to feel guilt about, and there WAS basis for him acknowledging that there was stuff he needed to address in his life and his head, and to take responsibility for.

Thing is though, nobody else at any point ever stood up to point to where in his willingness to hold himself accountable for his mistakes and try and do better in regards to his friends and teammates and overall relationships....

He additionally took on guilt that WASN’T deserved. Because the other Titans were the ones who in their overall rush to judgment about his behavior and the reasons why.....still erroneously lumped in with the rest, their conclusion as to how the situation with Mirage should be viewed.

And frankly, though this doesn’t make them look good, there’s plenty of places you can go with that which don’t make them heartless monsters either. They were wrong, not to listen to him about Mirage, and I maintain that this tangibly WORSENED his already existing downward spiral from Titans Hunt, because that was already stuff he really could have benefited from support for the others from....and then this other thing happened that he additionally really needed support about, rather than blame.

Problem is, the overall impression given off by the other Titans was that they thought they already WERE doing their best to be supportive, by being so willing to look PAST ‘what Dick had done with Mirage’ and FORGIVE Dick for that, make allowances for why it and other decisions they didn’t agree with, like his rush to marriage, might make sense based on what they were attributing as the reason for his out of character behavior....the fallout from Titans Hunt...but ONLY that.

Like to be clear, I’m aware that there is a flip side of things in fanon, where some stans overcorrect on Dick’s behalf and act like the Titans all universally slut-shamed Dick and were terrible to him. No. That’s not what happened either. There was ONE slut-shaming Titan and ONLY one....and that was Pantha, who to be frank, like.....she was literally written to be the button pusher in regards to everyone. She likely would have said the same thing no matter who was in that situation, because she honestly didn’t care, she was just interested in making the cheap jokes at their expense.

The other Titans though did not adopt a slut-shaming stance against Dick...just a victim-blaming one. Which makes some things better, but some things worse IMO.

Its easier to understand how they could have all fallen into this trap despite all being seasoned heroes who should have known better than to view these specific events the way they did....if you consider that their fatal flaw here was ironically that they were SO quick to try and find a reason that Dick might have done this that they felt they could forgive....that they never actually thought things through long enough to recognize how quick on the draw they’d been in their reactions. And then they failed to listen to Dick’s side of things because they’d kinda convinced themselves that they were ALREADY doing him a favor and hearing him out by having decided to look past what he’d done and make allowances for it....and so they kinda filtered everything he was saying through a lens of like...waiting for him to catch up to what they’d already decided had happened and onto the part where he did the Dick Grayson thing and apologized and accepted responsibility for it....at which point they, as his friends, would be honestly able to say “already forgiven, dude.”

You could additionally factor in the idea that their very respect for his capabilities and high opinion of his overall ‘on the ball-ness’ made what had happened easy to view as something that’d just slipped past his radar, a rare oversight that again, he could be forgiven for, rather than what it was....again, something that he should never have been expected to ‘catch’ in the first place, any more than they would have been.

Either way, the real problem was always just that they failed to support him in the ways he actually needed, because they were already busy forgiving him for things he didn’t actually need forgiveness for because they were never his to accept blame for in the first place. But then BECAUSE Dick was already primed to accept the blame for what he WAS right to accept responsibility for, he overextended and took on everything that was held against him, rather than first differentiating between where a mea culpa both was and WAS NOT due.

No matter how you slice it, the Titans WERE wrong on this front, and Dick absolutely DOES have canon grounds to nurse some bitterness and resentment about, towards them. Again, with a lot of ways that can be approached. Personally, when I think about fics tackling this subject, my big want is always gonna be like.....confrontation fics? Like that’s what I’ve always really wanted to see here....like there’s a lot of obviously valid catharsis to be had in fics that have someone walk Dick through what a more objective view of what happened back then and let him finally unburden himself of all that unearned guilt there...BUT all the focus there is typically on that realization of the truth for DICK, that like....there’s almost never any follow-up where that realization is further pursued and extended to the relevant Titans? And tbh, I’ve always viewed that as the far greater ‘crime’ this story executed in regards to Dick’s character....not an overall obliviousness to his own victimization, period, but the fact that he was basically pushed into ACCEPTING a culpable view of events when actually, he’d always KNOWN on some level that it wasn’t really his fault and he had every reason to feel repulsed and angry and violated.

Like, I do obviously view Dick as someone with a large degree of self-awareness, in no small part due to how often he DOES do these introspective deep dives and reflect on events and actions and behaviors, and even though I understand the viewpoint that things look different when applied to yourself than to others, I do think its perfectly likely that Dick would at some point come to his own realization about what had actually happened with Mirage and why he’d initially felt the way he did about it. Maybe not before the events with Tarantula, but in the aftermath? I think he absolutely would connect certain things then, even if just because of how FAMILIAR everything felt to that earlier time post-Titans Hunt. The Blockbuster arc was like, the most rock bottom Dick had ever been SINCE that point, and various similarities could have definitely been pinging all over for him....the losses he suffered reminding him of his guilt for the fallen Titans, the end of Dick and Babs’ relationship, while based on more reasons than just Tarantula kissing Dick, like, still including that as a reason and so thus bearing an uncomfortable similarity to the last time he was held accountable for his rapist and now eventual rapist’s actions, etc.

And I do think that Dick having some realizations of his own post-Blockbuster could explain a LOT about his later interactions with the Titans, who I honestly don’t think he was ever quite as close to again?

Which makes a ton of sense if you view the 1999 series, and how difficult it was for them to get Dick to join up, and how he was plenty ready to leave at any point...like, that makes a TON of sense if you consider that Dick might have at this point been quietly nursing hurt of his own that everyone was so eager and willing to let bygones be bygones and ‘forgive’ his mistakes of the past, that nobody still had ever realized what he’d had to realize all on his own....that THEY all had a perception of events and like, their friendships, that included forgiving Dick for a betrayal that Dick NEVER ACTUALLY ENACTED. Where its like, thanks, but I didn’t actually need that, what I needed was someone to listen to me. But at the same time its totally understandable why he wouldn’t ever want to bring that up himself....because he’d already TRIED expressing himself on this matter years before, and been shot down, and its totally reasonable that he worried history would just repeat there rather than bring him the closure he WANTED on that front. But again....the distance he keeps a lot of the Titans at after his return to the team pairs pretty damn well with him being both quietly resentful of forgiveness he never needed and wondering when it was everyone else’s turn to accept the accountability for wrongs done that everyone was always so quick to demand from him....as well as why the last thing in the world he’d want to do is bring this all up again himself.

Similarly, this is why I think he always expressed to Kory, ever since her return to Earth, that he wasn’t in love with her anymore.....I don’t think its necessarily true that his feelings ever fully went away, and I also don’t think he’d bear the same resentments towards her that he did the others, even though Kory too ‘forgave’ him for something he never needed absolution for. Because I think at the same time, he’s more aware than most of Kory’s own history, and he has too much empathy for what all that likely stirred up for her at the time as well as his awareness that she really did love him and always had and that she’d mourned their relationship just as much as he had. 

So I truly don’t think Dick blames her, in ways that can’t be said of the others, and I don’t think it was truly that he didn’t love her anymore, or that there was no longer anything there....I think he always just said that in order to protect himself, because he was still hurting from everything that had happened back then and how everyone had always painted it as his fault ever since, and his own traumas had only compounded those very specific feelings with later events like Tarantula and her impact on his life, and its just like......I think if it ever came out via someone else re-raising the issue, Dick would be like okay, yes, absolutely let’s finally talk about this....but I totally understand why Dick would never want to re-raise it himself because....he definitely did TRY to express his violation way back when. Why should he be the one to have to essentially.....retry his own case with his friends in order to finally get the verdict he should have had all along, y’know? 

Its one thing to get that its probably never going to happen without initiating it himself, but its another thing for that to get you past the hump of just not wanting to relive some of your worst moments when your best friends not believing in you or being so willing to believe something about you in some ways did just as much damage to you as the actual initial violation.

But again, all that said, I would absolutely like, rob the Louvre (Okay I’d also rob the Louvre just for money but like. You get it) for stories where one of the Titans has an ‘oh shit’ realization about everything with Mirage years later. And they tentatively try and bring it up with Dick in the hopes of ‘fixing things’ by correcting the damage they’d done when making him feel it was his to accept blame on.....and for Dick to just be like. “Yeah, uh, I was there. I figured all that out a long time ago, I just didn’t see the point in trying to convince everybody twice.” And them like....being like oh crap we have to figure out a way to make things right, like all this time we’ve thought things were kinda broken between us because of what Dick did but actually it was the other way around and about Dick’s feelings about what WE did.

Okay now like....don’t laugh but I’m literally still not done, because I had this whole other thing about how now we needed to finally talk about the Zitka in the room, which is that IMO its always been kinda backwards to view Tarantula as the focal point of Dick’s traumas here and what happened with Mirage as some kind of footnote kinda....personally I think it should be the other way around. That its Mirage that weighs on Dick the most because what she did was premeditated where with Catalina it was a crime of opportunity. With Miriam though, it was always going to happen no matter what, because it only happened because she MADE it happen. She like....stalked Dick pretty much from the time of her arrival in this timeline (or at least how that initially was viewed - the timeline thing, not the stalking thing. Forget it. Weird story is weird. Doesn’t matter). But like....Mirage went after Dick with intent. She knew exactly what she was doing, and she was willing to do whatever to make it happen, up to and including kidnapping Dick’s actual girlfriend and taking her place.

With Tarantula, like, she was more than quick to seize on the first opportunity to make it happen, but like...that’s still a different thing IMO from like...KNOWING that someone literally plotted out and premeditated one of the most disruptive traumas of your life without any care for what it would DO to your life, and you later carrying all the blame for that in everyone else’s eyes without anyone ever acknowledging what it did to YOU....even though MULTIPLE people know and its even affected your overall reputation. With Tarantula....I think that trauma absolutely compounded everything else that happened with Blockbuster but it was hardly limited to just that, but again with Mirage....that one specific act pretty much derailed the entire course of Dick’s life at the time. Because again....while you could absolutely claim that there are other issues Dick and Kory might have broken up because of later, even without Mirage’s actions, like....you have to MAKE the case for those reasons. You can’t just attribute their breakup to rushing into marriage, when again....Mirage was the literal catalyst for Dick proposing when he did.

Which again, to bring it all back to the start.....that’s why it will forever make me channel Gar Logan and turn into a green-hued screeching howler monkey every time people are like I absolutely agree that its not okay to blame Dick for his own rape at Mirage’s hands....but then turn around and be like okay, but Dick and Kory did break up because Dick rushed them into marriage before they were ready.

Cuz.

Like.

THEY’RE THE EXACT SAME THING!

The one is just the other but described from a different vantage point.

faslkfhaklfhaklfhkalfha

I get if people didn’t know that before now, but please please please can we like....push back against the misinformation on this particular topic because omggggg is it unpleasant to repeatedly hear people contradict themselves in the same paragraphs half the time because they literally don’t know that they’re talking about the same events in both cases.

Believe it or not, I actually had a lot more about Mirage and about other ways things could have gone differently for Dick and Kory if he’d had even just a little more support from someone else at the time, whether from Bruce or even just one of the Titans, like all it would have taken was just ONE person to try and view things from Dick’s perspective and be like okay everyone hold up, some bad fucking conclusions have been arrived at here.

BUT I am tired and this is long and literally just...whatever. I’ll do that some other time. LOL. And I bounce.

[sonoftatooine]

Whumptober 2021

DAY 3: ‘STICKS AND STONES MAY BREAK MY BONES BUT...’ - ‘WHO DID THIS TO YOU?’

Characters: Padmé Amidala, Anakin Skywalker

Warnings: Implied abuse, scars, panic attack

Summary: Continuation of my AU where raised as a Sith Anakin saves Padmé from execution by the Separatists (first two fics here and here). Having managed to get a wounded Darth Vader medical attention at a remote facility on Polis Massa, Senator Padmé Amidala tries to figure out what their next move should be with the threat of her unlikely saviour’s Sith master looming over their heads.

***

The bright lights of the medcenter on Polis Massa were harsh and white, casting its sleeping patient in pale shades so stark that, if not for the tentative grip Padmé had on his hand, she might have mistaken him for a ghost. The Sith assassin Darth Vader, so feared amongst the Republic and the Separatists alike, looked so very young and fragile swaddled in blankets and bandages and surrounded by beeping machines. Cheekbones too sharp, eyes shadowed, and skin a waxy white, he looked far too ill and tired for a man who couldn't possibly be any older than twenty-one. His blond hair, drying in a halo of soft fluffy curls about his head and still smelling faintly of bacta from his time in the tank, made him look almost...innocent. Angelic even.

The rest of him told a very different story.

The flight from the Separatist world that had been intended as her grave to the remote medical facility on Polis Massa had practically torn her nerves—even hardy as they'd always been—to shreds. It had turned out that she had perhaps been a little too optimistic when she had suggested flying Vader's ship back to his location in the canyon she had been forced to leave him in. She had, however, found both a speeder bike and a med-droid inside to bring back to him. By the time they had reached him, he had barely been conscious, slumped in front of the rocky wall she had propped him up against with the promise she would be back soon, his face white and his lips bloodless. Between her and the droid, they had wasted no time in loading his limp form onto the bike, getting him back to the ship's little medbay and flying offworld, setting a course for Polis Massa. But through it all, she had been afraid. Afraid, as she spoke to him quietly all the way through hyperspace, trying to keep him awake when all he wanted to do was slip into sleep and the danger of never waking up again. Afraid that he would not make it to the medcenter. That he would die because he had risked his life to protect her.

She had been afraid even after they had landed on Polis Massa, and he was rushed away into surgery. She had been afraid right up until the point that the droids had come out to inform her that he was stable, and that they were putting him in bacta for a time to accelerate his healing. But her relief had not lasted for long. The droids had had a long list of other...concerns that their programming told them it was their duty to report.

Not least of which was the map of scars across his skin that she had been informed were most likely caused by injuries sustained through some form of electrocution. Some as new as to have been inflicted not more than a few weeks ago. Others years old.

Years old and he was barely even an adult.

Who did this to you?, she had thought, her eyes tracing the wicked patterns along his back and chest—along his shoulders and arm, running down to where the metal of his black and gold prosthetic met with flesh—as he hung suspended in the bacta tank. The freshest of them had already started to heal along with the wound in his shoulder, but the older ones had been carved into his skin long ago. He had looked too thin, too brittle—even though she knew well the wiry strength he possessed—amidst the eerie blue-green glow of the liquid. Was it  your master? Sidious? Is that what the Sith do to their apprentices? Make them hurt, make them suffer, until they rule them absolutely by fear? But you defied him. You defied him to save me. Why risk that for my sake?

She couldn't help the niggling sensation in the back of her mind that there was something about all of this that she was missing, some crucial piece of information she had heard or seen but had managed to slip through her fingers. That she wasn't asking quite the right questions. But there was only one question that was rattling around in her head right at that moment, and all of the others would just have to wait.

Who was Sidious?

It was one of the several reasons that had stayed her hand from attempting to contact anybody in the Republic before her unlikely saviour had woken back up. She knew—definitely now—that the mysterious Darth Sidious was Vader's master. He had referred to him as such to her guard during her rescue, and even if he hadn't, the fact that the man hadn't at all questioned that the young Sith must have been carrying out Sidious' orders would have been clue enough. She also knew from that incident that the name was enough to induce terror even in his so-called allies. And she knew from the Jedi that he was suspected to have infiltrated the highest levels of the Republic's government, and had some sort of influence in the Senate. How powerful exactly that influence was, she didn't know—she hoped it wasn't insurmountable; she needed to believe it wasn't insurmountable, that the Sith hadn't corrupted everything she was fighting for, everything she had dedicated her life to—

But no matter how great or how slight it was, it was there. Which meant that, logically, Sidious must be a politician himself or—more likely—someone in a significant politician's circle. And that in turn meant that, no matter how desperately she wanted to, she couldn't fully guarantee Vader's safety in the Republic.

And so here she sat, by his bedside, his limp flesh hand held gently in her own, and her mind racing through possibilities as she waited for him to wake. If she were to bring him to the Republic, if she could persuade him to plead for asylum before the Senate or—no, the Jedi, there must be a way to keep him safe from Sidious. He must know who his master was—if he exchanged that information for protection, then they could root out the man and his associates before he had the chance to strike back at his apprentice, and surely that, along with his rescue of her, would count for something amongst them. Yes, the Senate took a dim view of Separatist operators, and the Jedi an even dimmer one of the Sith, but if he were to help them take down their greatest enemy in the Republic, that would have to be enough—

Her train of thought was cut off sharply as she felt a slight movement under her touch. Vader was waking up.

"Vader," Padmé called, watching as he shifted about on the bed, his brow scrunched up in a sleep-softened frown as he was dragged back in the waking world. "Vader."

The young Sith groaned quietly in protest at the sound of her voice. His hand slipped from her loose grasp and travelled up to his face to rub at his still closed eyes. It was an oddly endearing sight, seeing him do something as normal and as simple as struggle to wake himself up after a long sleep. But nothing about this was normal—or simple—and she would do well to remember that.

"Wha...?" Voice hoarse and faint, Vader trailed off as his eyes finally peeled open, taking in his surroundings with no small degree of confusion. "Where...?"

Padmé ruthlessly suppressed the urge to gasp. She'd forgotten, briefly, that his eyes were yellow—the only thing, save perhaps for the prosthetic that was currently resting across his stomach, that would have set him apart from any other twenty-something (if, indeed, he had even reached twenty yet) human man had she passed him on the street. The droids had been vaguely concerned about it, she remembered, but they hadn't found any medical reason behind it. Perhaps—she thought back to the Zabrak assassin that had killed Qui-Gon Jinn on Naboo—it was something to do with the Dark Side.

"We're on Polis Massa, remember?," she said once she had stamped down her instinctive reaction. She had told him where they were going back on the ship, assuring him over and over that it would be safe even though he had seemed too out of it to take anything much in beyond the sound of her voice. "I had to get you somewhere nearby that wasn't controlled by the Separatists. It's too remote to be of any interest to them."

Vader blinked at her, still not quite lucid enough to properly guard his expression. She could see the moment he registered exactly who it was that was sitting at her bedside, his eyes widening as his gaze settled on her face. Then, without warning, he shot bolt upright, swaying slightly at the sudden movement so that he was forced to catch himself with both his arms. He winced at the sudden tug on his tender shoulder.

"Don't get up."

Padmé's hand flew to his chest before she could think better of it, attempting to push him back down onto the bed. He let out a startled flinch at the contact, and for one horrid moment, she thought she had accidentally pressed on his healing injury. But her hand was on his sternum, not his shoulder—not brushing against flesh and skin still knitting back together. And yet he had recoiled as if she had burnt him. She drew her hand back sharply.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

Vader turned away from her. A long pause, and then he nodded stiffly.

"You're not fully healed yet" she said, still apologetic. I'm not going to hurt you. I know someone has, but I promise you, I won't.

"I've had worse" Vader replied. He made no move to lie down, even though his left arm was shaking with the effort of propping himself up.

Yes, Padmé thought, trying to keep the corners of her mouth from turning downwards unhappily. I know you have. But I'm not letting you suffer on my watch.

She reached out to push him back down again, slowly this time. He tracked her movements like a wary loth wolf, an impression that was in no way diminished by the strange yellow of his eyes. This time, he didn't flinch under her touch, though he did hold himself uncomfortably stiff as he let her guide him back down to the pillows. His eyes darted briefly up to her face as she drew back before they flicked down to the IV in the crook of his arm. He frowned.

"The med-droids said that you needed it," Padmé said, in answer to the unspoken question on his face. "They were concerned about your weight."

Secretly, she thought it would have been both quicker and easier to list the things which they hadn't been concerned about. Her heart sank down to what felt like as yet unrecorded depths as she remembered the attending droid informing her that, not only was he currently underweight for a man of his height, but that he showed signs of malnutrition dating back to his formative years consistent with periods of starvation as a child and teenager. Vader, however, barely even reacted to the news that he had been deemed malnourished enough to be pumped full of nutrients intravenously. His attention had turned—fully this time—to their surroundings, suddenly agitated.

"How long have we been here?"

"A little over a day," Padmé replied. "They had to put you in a bacta tank."

Vader hissed through his teeth, his mechno hand untangling from its grip on the sheets to the fast-healing wound on his shoulder.

"They didn't need to do that," he muttered. "A few patches would have been enough—"

"Vader!," Padmé cried incredulously, before she could stop herself. Really, she shouldn't have been surprised, given how baffled he'd been by her own clumsy field care—concerned about her ruining her cloak of all things rather than the heavily bleeding blaster wound that had caused him to collapse to the ground in front of her. She got the impression—more so than ever now that she had seen his scars—that he was not at all used to receiving or accepting care, but if he wouldn't treat his injuries with the proper gravity they warranted, then she was more than happy to do so in his place. "You had a hole through your shoulder. You were barely conscious when we landed. A few patches would not have been enough—"

"We can't stay here," Vader interrupted her, cutting across what was fast becoming—not that she would have admitted it out loud—an impassioned tirade. His breathing, she noticed suddenly, was starting to speed up. "He-he'll have heard— He'll know what I've done—"

"Ssh, ssh," Padmé murmured, her need to make him understand subsumed by worry in the face of his burgeoning panic. She didn't need to ask who this "he" was. His master. Sidious, the man whom she was sure must be responsible for both the pattern of scars on his skin and his unfamiliarity with any sort of simple kindness alike. She wanted to reach out to comfort him, but she didn't know how he would react to her touch. "We're safe. Nobody knows we're here. I promise you we're safe—"

Vader shook his head, his eyes closed tight shut. Both his hands had moved to clutch tightly at the blankets about his chest, the knuckles of his flesh hand white with tension. His entire frame shook as his breaths came sharp and fast. Too fast.

"He'll know—," he gasped out. "He'll find us. He always—"

"He won't find us," Padmé soothed, trying to keep her voice as calm and as gentle as possible. She hoped—oh by the Force, she hoped—that time would not make her a liar. "We're safe here. Please, Vader, I need you to breathe."

The young man's breaths were coming in short, sharp bursts, laboured and painful. He shook his head again, though in response to what exactly, she didn't know. She needed to get through to him, calm him, ease him out of the panic that had caught him in its durasteel grip. But how? With anyone else, she might have taken their hand, tried to get them to breathe with her, but Vader was clearly not accustomed to touch not meant to hurt. What if it just made it worse for him—?

Another sharp gasp was enough to cut through her reservations like a knife. She had to do something. She couldn't just sit here dithering in indecision while he suffered.

"It's alright," she murmured. The tips of her fingers brushed ever so lightly against the back of his hand, enough to alert him to her intentions without—she hoped—adding to his distress. "It's alright, Vader. We're safe. You're safe. I won't hurt you."

When he didn't recoil from her touch, she began to drag her thumb slowly back and forth across his white knuckles, trying to give him something to focus on, to ground him in something other than his fear. After a few long moments, she felt the tiniest bit of tension leave his rigid form as, painstakingly, eyes still closed tight shut, his breathing began to slow.

"That's it," Padmé sighed in relief. "In and out."

Finally, his breathing evened out and he flopped down onto the mattress in exhaustion, his entire form shaking faintly from the adrenaline that had been coursing through his system not moments before. His yellow eyes opened slowly, and for a moment, Padmé could read naked distress on his too-young face. Then his gaze flickered down to where her hand was still resting over his, and his expression shuttered, like a pair of heavy blast doors slamming shut behind his eyes. Jaw clenched, he turned his head away.

"Nobody knows we're here," Padmé repeated, now that he was calm enough to properly take in what she was saying to him. "I made sure the droids would keep it off the record, and I haven't made contact with anyone in the Republic yet."

Her heart hurt seeing him retreat into himself, even though—or perhaps because—she understood it. He'd been vulnerable. He felt vulnerable. Ever since he had been wounded protecting her, he had been relying on her goodwill not to take advantage of that vulnerability. And now, he was surely steeling himself for consequences that she suspected he had been taught, over the years, to instinctively expect.

But despite that, he hadn't yet withdrawn his hand from hers.

"Why?," he said hoarsely, his brows drawn together in a deep furrow. He sounded drained, his tone flat, too tired even for confusion. "You fulfilled your promise to me when you brought us here safely. You could be back in the Republic by now."

Padmé's thoughts flashed back to the canyon they had fled into to escape their Separatist pursuers, of his collapse and her attempts at aid. Of him asking her something much the same as he bled out on the ground in front of her. Why not just run? Why not just leave him and save herself? This question didn't quite offend her like those had—after all, leaving a wounded man in safe hands with medical care was not quite the same as abandoning him in the dust to die. But she was still sure it wouldn't have been right. She owed him her life, and she hadn't been about to repay him by leaving him to wake up alone with nobody but droids for company and the knowledge that he had nowhere to go now that he had betrayed both the Separatists and his thrice-cursed master.

And besides, with everything she had seen since her rescue from her cell, she suspected there was far more to him than just what his reputation across the Galaxy painted him to be. The young man underneath that terrifying mask deserved at least the option of a second chance.

"I wasn't going to make that decision without consulting you first," she said. "We're in this together now. We need to figure out what we're going to do together."

And I'll repeat that to you for as long as you need to hear it.

"Do?" Vader asked.

His voice had flattened out even further, so fatigued, so resigned. As if he had given in before he had even begun. So soft and quiet compared to the deep boom of his mask's vocoder, she could barely comprehend that he was the same man that had struck such terror into her captors, that had fought so ferociously through pain and blood loss and overwhelming odds to get her to safety.

But even if he'd been drained of all his own fire, she had more than enough for the both of them.

"Separatist space isn't safe for you now. For either of us." Her lips drew together in a thin, determined line. "And I'm not leaving you until I know that you're somewhere safe out of their reach. Out of Sidious' reach."

Vader's flinch at the name was an answer to all her unspoken questions. He shrank in on himself, and suddenly, for a man who was over six feet in height, he looked very small. Without warning, Padmé was struck by just how true her words were. That she would do it if he refused to come back to the Republic with her. Would stay with him no matter what, no matter how far from home it took her, because she wanted to give him the same protection he had given her.

"Then I guess you'll have to get used to being glued to my side, because there's nowhere in the Galaxy that's beyond my master's reach," he said. She thought he might have intended the words to come out harsh and sharp, but the tremor in his voice betrayed him. "He's more powerful than you can possibly imagine, and he's not the kind to forgive and forget. I've betrayed him and he'll stop at nothing to hunt me down. Stay with me and you'll have an even bigger target on your head than he's already put there."

I'm not going to leave you alone, Padmé wanted to scream, feeling frustrated tears threatening to well up in her eyes despite her efforts to remain calm. Why can't you understand that? I'm not afraid. I won't abandon you. Not when you're in danger because of me.

"If there's nowhere in the Galaxy that's out of his reach," she retorted, not sharply, but pointedly, "then going back to the Republic won't be any safer for me than staying with you."

Vader's jaw clenched tight at her words, but he said nothing. His throat bobbed up and down as he swallowed thickly. Padmé fought back a sigh, pushing away the last remainders of her frustration as best she could. Gently, she tightened her grip on his hand, still resting beneath her own, in what she hoped was a reassuring pressure.

"Who is he, Vader?," she whispered, finally giving voice to the question that had been plaguing her ever since she had seen his scars, ever since he had heard him speak his name on the Separatist base. "Who is he, if he's that powerful?"

Who is this man that can make someone as strong as you afraid?

"Senator." Vader's lips twisted into a bitter smile, and in it she could sense the echoes of a terrible truth that she could not yet see. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

[howlingsaturn]

here's why the police station scene is, and will always be, the best and most meaningful tarlos scene.

we watched TK deliberately pick a fight and we realise that he's not doing well at all. we see him struggle with the aftermath of the break up, the overdose and probably the move to Texas and that's great. it shows that his problems don't suddenly disappear once he's out of New York.

Carlos doing his job, sitting at his desk, in uniform. do i need to add to that? maybe i do: have you seen the way he flicks his keys when he’s walking around TK? wow. just wow. 

we find out TK's full name. and Carlos, out of all people, is the one to tell us.

"Isn't you processing me like a conflict of interest or something?" — TK acknowledges their connection. it's meant as a joke, obviously, he tries to deflect, but he does not deny that there's something between them and that is a very crucial point.

Carlos reaching for TK's wrist to take off the handcuffs. i don't know why but there's something strangely intimate about it. (my darling alice, @reyeslonestar, said that it's a metaphor in the way that Carlos is freeing TK from his fears and insecurities, thus allowing him to finally open up to someone and that's beautiful.)

"The bad news is that means you did this with a clear head." — TK's face. that's all. just look at his face when Carlos says his piece. he's hurting so much, you can literally see it in his eyes.

Carlos is both gentle and firm during his talk. he's careful not to push his boundaries but he feels close enough to TK, which says a lot about the instant connection they shared, to not be afraid to speak his mind. it's obviously something TK needed to hear and it's so important that it's Carlos who does it instead of, for example, Owen. Owen is too close, he's had the front row seat to his son's drama. but Carlos is more neutral, he's only known TK from a distance (excluding the intimacy part, y'know what i mean) but he's an observer. he saw TK and that's the beautiful part. he's cared enough to see him, to notice what was going on and TK needed that. he needed someone different, someone special but not someone close enough to really see him. Carlos also acknowledges that TK is suicidal (thank you @singerofsimplesongs for pointing that one out). it's something that was brought up in the first episode when Owen asked him and even though TK denied it, there is some truth to it and i think that we, as an audience, also got a better understanding of how serious this actually is.

the crud thing; Carlos wiping away the blood. they're on thin ice at that moment but Carlos still reaches out and takes care of TK. that's how much TK has already influenced his life. and TK lets him. he's vulnerable, he's hurting, he has every reason to turn away and walk out, to be mad and isolate himself. but he doesn't do any of it. he lays himself bare and allows Carlos to take care of him and that’s a huge effing thing for someone like TK. there’s also the way Carlos clutches the tissue afterwards like he chastises himself for doing it. TK is not the only one taking a risk here, Carlos is too. he allows TK to see him too. he’s not afraid to show TK that he cares about him. and, of course, the way they look at each other,,, which brings me to my next point.

the eye contact. you can see how confused and vulnerable they both are and you can also see how much they care about each other even in this very early, very fragile state of their relationship. (kudos to rafael and ronen for this one. their emotions are so palpable in their eyes, that's just a+ acting.)

TK opening up to Carlos and telling him about the break up, the relapse and the numbness. that's insane considering they barely know each other and TK hasn't told anyone else. it plays such a crucial part in his development. in order to heal he needed to acknowledge it, he needed to say it out loud and Carlos was right there to listen. the fact that TK felt safe enough to be this honest also tells us a lot about what kind of man Carlos is: the best. (there's so much fragility in TK's voice too, just listen to how quiet he gets all of the sudden. it honest to God gave me goosebumps the first time i watched it. ronen delivered these lines beautifully.)

Carlos apologising for the champagne. he didn't know, there's no way he could've known but he's so frustrated with himself because of it. this just shows how sweet he is, how he wants to make everyone feel welcomed and comfortable, and you bet he is the type of person who won't forget this. who will go out of his way to ensure that TK never feels awkward or insecure about his addiction. also have you seen his face when TK explained that he's relapsed with substances? did you see the shock on his face when it clicked? and he wasn't shocked about the confession but because he thought he had messed up horribly. i mean, this man is just too pure for his own good.

“I guess I just- I wanted to feel something”  — Carlos’ face when TK said that. this man is hurting for someone he literally just met and he already wants to take some of the weight TK carries. i said it before and i will say it again: carlos reyes is the sweetest and kindest human being with the biggest fucking heart. he is so enamored with TK, it actually makes me wanna cry sometimes.

"You’re really busting my balls right now?" — it was meant to lighten the mood and not just in terms of telling a story on television. Carlos knew how hard this must've been for TK, how much he's struggled with this confession and Carlos wants to show him that it's okay, that it doesn't need to change anything between them. he falls back into their playful banter, easing TK into something that he's familiar with because being so vulnerable certainly wasn't. it's such a relief for TK because he turned away, he was about to leave and let that confession hang awkwardly between them but Carlos didn't let him. he offered him support in a way that worked best for TK and the fact that Carlos picked up on that tells us again, how deep their connection actually runs. their relationship is not just physical and it's something that TK realised during that conversation, paving the way for them to become more. and that's fucking beautiful.

thank you for coming to my ted talk, that’ll be all. for now. also thank you to everyone who left me a little message and talked to me about this scene. it’s one of my favourite things to do sksjdksk.

[hellreads]

Chapters: 3/4 Fandom: 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS, K-pop Rating: Explicit Warnings: Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Kim Taehyung | V/Reader Characters: Kim Taehyung | V, Reader, Yandere!Kim Taehyung, Yandere Taehyung - Character Additional Tags: kpopyandere, Smut, Yandere Bangtan Boys, Daddy Kink, Spanking, Drunk Sex, Somnophilia, Twins, Obsession, Yandere Bangtan Boys | BTS, Yandere BTS, Stalking, Photography, Reader-Insert, Emotional Manipulation, Abortion mention, pregnancy mention, unhealthy relationship, bts smut, Taehyung smut, kim taehyung smut, Yandere, Yandere Smut, Oral Sex, Non-Consensual Spanking, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Emotional Infidelity, Dom Kim Taehyung | V, Dom/sub, Love Triangles, Infidelity, Established Relationship, Victim Blaming, yn has low self-esteem, obsessive taehyung, Stalker Taehyung, Missionary Position, Woman on Top

Summary:

Your relationship with your boyfriend hasn't been going well lately. His twin, Kim Taehyung, decides to take advantage of this.

“I know this is wrong of me and I know you probably think of me as some kind of crazy bitch who keeps fucking with you, but I’m telling you now. This is what I want.”

and yes you are a crazy one MC, if you’ve been reading this series since day one you’d know our girl here is in a very uncomfortable and unfortunate situation trying to save her long-term relationship with her boyfriend Minho while having the devil incarnate Taehyung around her testing her loyalty and resolve through and through.

[ SPOILERS AHEAD ]

I don’t think I wrote something for chapter two but that part of the story was crucial for you to see the side of Minho, the side that MC failed to see/acknowledge because she was blindly in love with him, as mentioned before he was master manipulator he knows how to play his cards well in order for people around him to bend to his will and give him what he wants and that was proven when MC decided to make things right by talking to him, ask him what’s going on and prove that what Taehyung told her wasn’t true, that he wasn’t cheating on her and I honestly believe he wouldn’t do that, it’s just Tae shamelessly feeding the two poisonous thoughts so they’d end up separating so he could pursue MC because he always knew that they’re the ones meant to be together. she was made for him as he was made for her.

so long story short Minho spilled the truth and told her he knew everything about the abortion and asked her a lot of whys? actually i’d do the same if I was him, even if she’s not ready it’s just right to let your partner know that you’re having a child together, then you make a decision and let them know that this is what you want to do, what you think is best for you, hiding things like this only feed minds with unpleasant thoughts which made it very easy for Taehyung to plant seeds of doubt by telling the kid might not be Minho’s that’s why she didn’t have the heart to tell him of her plans. but surprise surprise if you thought it was such a sweet moment that the lovers reconciled I viewed it as Minho using the opportunity to pin her down and clip her wings, I truly pity her for not having the voice to tell what she truly feels because Minho was comfortable, they’ve been together for so long it only made sense that they marry eventually even if it wasn’t what she wanted, it was so painful to watch her slowly die on the inside, but also frustrating to know that she was also falling for the wrong guy.

she wanted Taehyung probably because he was similar but also different from his twin, he gave her the attention she wanted, he made her feel things she can’t remember getting from her lover, things were wild when they all got together under one roof, everything escalated quickly and the next thing that happened Minho and MC got engaged and it only put more sinister thoughts in Taehyung’s head he didn’t act out immediately but he had plans, MC added fuel to the fire by wanting to know directly from Tae whether he had feelings for her and then everything just went downhill and he was gone the next day (scenario was wild because MC what are you doing honey?? you okay? please stop playing with fire). 

if you’ll re-read from the start you’ll know that MC here is equally manipulative in a way because of what she’s done to Taehyung, sigh everyone’s just wicked in a sense so here they are MC and Minho back together and planning their wedding and Taehyung found someone new to plaster his broken heart, poor new girl for being dragged into this mess, Tae exactly knew how to push MC’s buttons, time may seem like it wasn’t on his side but it only proved him that his patience even though it was testing him was what he needed and true enough it brought MC to his studio way too many times and waiting for her to go away made her yearn for him more and then they meet again and here goes our MC falling into another trap by Taehyung, she really needs someone to guide her jghaksjdgdfhgkd I was kinda happy that she’s finally being true to herself and accepting it’s Taehyung she wants and she will get him no matter what even if it means breaking Minho and Yumi’s hearts, but just when you thought everything would go smoothly MC wandered around and saw the photos that proved she’s been stalked and put two and two together that Taehyung’s feeling were true but also creepy and she needed to get away from him before all hell breaks lose, but unfortunately for her she ran out of time and who know what’ll happen next, idk if she’ll be kept hidden somewhere or if Taehyung would go to Minho and ruin MC then they’ll be together idk there are so many possible scenarios in my head rn but all I know is MC is regretting everything at the moment and if she could go back she would probably never ask for Minho’s number when he saved her.

ahhhh MC you poor child, I hope you learned from this experience and if you ever manage to run away and save yourself don’t look back. |  🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[hes-writer]

Errors

Summary; harry comes over for dinner

Warnings: angst and fluff for this one

Word Count: 3234 words

A/N: possibly the last part of the Tarnish series. Thank you for all the support that you have given me and @devilinbetweenthesheet-s. This was a month worth of work and I cannot believe that I was actually consistent with the updates (except for this one, which is 2 days late lol). 

Read till the end for a sneak peek of part 6!!

This is Part Five of the Tarnish series.

____

Harry felt out of place.

As a world-renowned pop star, he was used to being paid a different kind of attention in most of the places he went to. He should be used to it. Harry had to take measures in order not to get recognized for stepping into a local coffee shop. Even in hot weather, his recognizable tattoos gave easy access for fans to whisper amongst each other, wondering if it was the right time to ask for a photo or merely share a conversation with him. 

 His voice--the thing that made him as famous as he is now--was tinted into his fans’ heads. Recognition blaring in their ears when the deep, gruff tone projected the open air. It would be quite disturbing if he had to change the pitch for everyday errands. Harry would rather feel out of place than go to extremes to change who he was. 

 This lifestyle was something that he was used to, having been under the scrutiny of the public eye for a little over a decade now. But Harry knew that Y/N was a small, town girl practically bickered and poked until she was forced to cough something out to taint Harry’s name in vain. From the way, he preferred sniffing his nose into a hanky instead of a Kleenex. The way he snored loudly when his nostrils felt dry. The way his hair isn’t as naturally curly as it appears to be. All of these things were the borderline crossing of his privacy that she could’ve taken to the press, urging in many articles written about his odd habits or preferences.

 Not that he thought Y/N was that type of person to spill secrets in the midst of desperation, but Harry had cheated on her for God’s sake. If she did run her mouth, Harry wouldn’t blame her. He was horrible to her; cheated on her for a year, not even bothering to tell Y/N that his affection was teetering in favour of not hurting her and wanting to keep his side relationship a secret for a taste of adrenaline that came with his less-than boring life. 

 Harry left her alone while she was going through a life-changing period of her life. To be fair, Y/N didn’t actually tell him. She tried, but the message never reached his cognition. Harry wanted to save his salvation by choosing to believe that it was her fault for not visiting him in person to tell him the news. 

 Really though, how could Harry possibly know about her pregnancy if she didn’t make the effort to inform him of his own child. It wasn’t like he was supposed to check in on her, his ex-girlfriend, right? That was unheard of. And frankly, Harry thought that the day everything blew up--when she read the letter meant for Camille; Y/N made it very clear that she did not want to speak to him again. So really, Harry was just respecting her wishes. 

 Y/N was supposed to be the one feeling out of place; not Harry. If only she had told him when she identified the symptoms of pregnancy, he could have helped out. Harry wasn’t sure if he would have left Camille to begin a family with Y/N (if she took him back) or if he was only a parent of support. One that was there for the sake of raising a child but not sharing the means and affection to build a relationship with Y/N. 

 These were Harry’s thoughts as he sat with the family of three. In between Y/N and Connor as they sat on opposite ends of the round table with baby Halo in her high chair and Harry across from her. Halo was staring at him with wonder and curiosity; a shy type of look that tinted her cheeks a tad rosy and her lashes to peer at the man adjacent to her, wondering why he was joining them in their family dinner. 

 Harry felt out of place.

___

 “What’s wrong, baby?” Connor asked, feeding the child a spoonful of peas. “Not usually like this,” She shook her head, tucking her arms together and pursing her lips inwards in a sign of rejection. 

 Halo looked at Y/N who was giving her a soft smile, then to Harry. “She’s not usually like this. She must be shy that you’re here tonight, Harry,” Y/N explained, a tone of indifference that she tried to mask to help Halo feel a little more comfortable. 

 Harry gulped heavily. His child was uncomfortable because of him. He almost felt guilty for wanting to scoop her up and canoodle Halo in his arms. Harry still hadn’t had the chance to do that. 

___

 When the door opened earlier this evening, Harry was met by Y/N’s furrowed brows, firmly reminding him that this dinner was for him to be slowly introduced into Halo’s life. Harry would get the chance to care for her by helping the child with her nighttime routine. That included brushing her teeth, tucking her in, a bedtime story and possibly a kiss on the forehead. 

 Harry was giddy, to say the least. Harry was confident with kids and could easily mould into what they needed. If they wanted him to pretend to be a car while they jumped on his back as they grasped onto his curls to steer him, he would. If Harry was instructed to be a pretty princess with a plastic tiara on his head, he would exaggeratedly lift a pinky up to play the part. It was easy for him to win the hearts of his little nieces and nephews because they were familiar with him. They knew him as ‘Uncle Harry’ who gave them gifts whenever he came over to visit or if there was a large family reunion.

 He couldn’t exactly do that with Halo. She was familiar with him, yes. However, the one time they interacted, Harry had made her cry. It didn’t sit right with him that tears sprung from her corneas when she was only trying to make him feel better, sensing that her parents wanted nothing to do with him.

 It wasn’t like Harry knew what she liked either. Did Halo like playing with dolls? Animals? Race cars? The most basic of things, Harry didn’t know. What was her favourite colour? When was her birthday? His resumé was already tarnished since he wasn’t present when her mother fell pregnant. Then, he missed her first steps, her first words. He was just a stranger to her.

 And it showed from the way he stepped foot into the kitchen.

 Harry heard her before he saw her. Tiny squeals and giggles fell from her mouth as Connor chased her around with plates grasped in his hands. Y/N had scolded the man for getting distracted instead of setting the table. Halo’s noises quieting down when she caught sight of the familiar yet unfamiliar man loitering the doorway.

 “‘M sorry, love. Halo wanted to play,” Connor gripped her waist to pull Y/N closer to him, pressing a kiss to her cheek as she fought off a smile from splintering her face. “Right, cutie?”

 “Wanted to play! Sowwy mama,’ Halo apologized, tugging on her pant leg. 

 That was when Harry realized the possibility of ruining the little family they had in the words. But this was supposed to be his in the first place so he couldn’t care less if he wrecked it. As selfish as it may be, Harry thought that there was meaning in him accidentally hearing Gemma’s conversation with Y/N. Sure, it was bound to happen, but it couldn’t have come at a better time. The hole in his heart caused by Camille’s confession of not wanting kids was growing each day, accentuated by the late-night trip to the grocery store and seeing the small baby clothes that took up half of his palm. 

 It was a sign, right? He felt like he was drowning in a relationship that had no future and the next day, he was met with Y/N and their baby. 

___

 Symbolism. As a writer, it was absolutely crucial to introduce some sort of word, item, place, or person and infuse it with impeccable meaning. Irrefutable to the point that that noun is and will be what the writer makes of it. 

 Round tables were supposed to be better at sprouting conversations than rectangular or square tables. Any conversation between a pair must be shared with everybody who sat around it. There was no room to quietly snicker or ration secrets. Yet somehow that theory was not working. At all.

 Harry felt like an intruder sitting in a table that never held more than three people because it was always just them: Y/N, Connor and Halo. As the child got more comfortable with his presence, she slowly started babbling incoherent and coherent words alike, conversing with her ‘parents’ as they asked her about her day at daycare. Y/N asked about Connor’s day at work and the latter reciprocated the question which she was currently answering. 

 “It wasn’t as busy as I thought,” Y/N shrugged her shoulders, forking a piece of mash. Connor made a sound of recognition, “S’that why you texted me to go home instead?”

 Y/N nodded, helping Halo scoop her own forkful of mash, “Yep, I had time to go to the store. I know that you were swarmed at work,” The couple allotted a loving glance towards each other. 

 Harry’s heart was cracking. He was witnessing what he could have had and He had a front-row seat to it. Was it jealousy? Maybe. He was in a relationship so he shouldn’t feel like swarming Y/N’s smaller frame in his arms, shielding her and baby Halo away from Connor. But he did.

 “What about you, Harry?” Connor questioned him with a kink to his brow. Harry could tell that the question wasn’t sincere, purely out of consideration. 

 In a surprise, Harry coughed a little, reaching out to his cloth to dab the corners of his mouth. Truth to be told, Harry spent the day in a state of anxiety. From the moment he woke up, Harry could feel his chest expanding with nervousness, heart beating loudly and pounding in his ears. He picked at the skin of his lip in the wonder of what he was going to wear. If he should wear cologne or if it will irritate Halo’s senses. He spent the better half of the morning browsing online for toys he could get in a hurry to give to Halo. 

 Harry contemplated cancelling the dinner because of the uneasy feeling boiling in his stomach. Heightened senses and pinched nerves convinced Harry that he could feel the muscles of his esophagus contracted as he swallowed. Lungs punctured with the tip of the pen he was using to scrawl a list of ideas to build a bond with his daughter

 “It was alright,” Harry said warily, “Didn’t really have anythin’ to do today except come here,” 

 Y/N pulled her head back in surprise, “Sorry, we ruined your day off,” 

 His eyes widened immediately. Harry’s usual aura of confidence nowhere to be seen, “N-no, no. I didn’t mean it like that,” He could feel stray curls hitting his cheekbones lightly. “I jus’-- it’s m’break so I haven’t got anything for the next couple of months,”

___

 Harry’s settled nerves were awoken when it was time to clean up. Y/N insisted on doing the dishes with Connor while Harry bonded with Halo. 

 “Remember, you’re doing this for her,” Y/N whispered in his ear, causing shivers to crawl up his spine, “Don’t be nervous, Harry. She’s going to love you,” She added, seeing the way he blinked warily at Halo and Connor. Even going as far as giving him a comforting smile. 

 “Thank you, Y/N--for giving me this,” She nodded in response, jutting her chin downwards.

 “Hawwy? Mama said you gonna help me get to bed?” Halo’s green eyes still shone despite the dim kitchen lighting, reminding Harry that this was his and Y/N’s creation. Throughout the dinner, the child had somehow warmed up to Harry’s presence. With a promise of an ice cream trip after her nursery classes earlier in the morning, Halo was quick to befriend the man who she pointed out: ‘has the same dimple as me!’--while poking a stubby finger to her plush cheek, grinning to showcase it. 

 Harry could feel his heart thud, crouching down to her level, worried of her straining her neck looking up at his tall stature. “Tha’s right. Wanna show me where the bathroom is?” She nodded, grabbing Harry’s index finger to drag him along, exerting his lumbar to keep his height low. He could feel Halo’s feet stumbling, keeping her balance by tightening her grip on Harry. 

 Their time in the bathroom was fairly short. Halo had learned to brush her teeth by herself. She only needed Harry to guide her up the stool so that she could reach the sink, spitting the foam from her mouth when Harry made a funny face in the mirror, giggling loudly that had Harry’s chest feeling light. 

 As they walked through the hallway, Harry couldn’t help but let his ears be numb to Halo’s babbling about her favourite stuffed toy. He didn’t mean to. Instead, his neck craned to the door left agape, assuming that it was Connor and Y/N’s with the way the Gucci shoes that Harry had bought her were neatly placed at the bottom of the foot of the bed. He stared down at his moving feet, mood souring despite the bright colours of his loafers imprinted in a little rainbow--the same ones that he just caught sight off and wavered just as quickly.

 “You like it?”

 He snapped out of his thoughts when Halo climbed on her tiny bed, clutching her favourite stuffed toy. Harry plastered a beaming grin on his face, inspecting the painted room, the small desk pushed against the wall and the numerous artworks taped to almost every surface. 

 One, in particular, had his heart aching more so than it already was.

 It was a hand-drawn stick figure portrait of Y/N, Halo, and Connor. Harry couldn’t even pretend that the skinny, stretched black marker was him because the child messily penned Connor’s name underneath. The figures were holding each others’ hands, oblong faces paired with a curved mouth shaped upwards. It didn’t help that the title at the top was “My Famli” which was crossed over with a red marker and re-titled underneath as “My Family” in neat handwriting that Harry could recognize as Y/N’s. 

 “Hawwy?” She repeated, wondering why he was staring so hard at the drawing taped on her bedside table. Her brows furrowed when a drop of tear fell from his eye and landed on Connor’s head, smudging the ink and making it blurry disarray as Halo gasped. “Oh no!”

 “‘M s-sorry, Halo,” Harry’s tongue felt too thick in his mouth, sobbing threatening to escape but he remembered how that would make his daughter feel. Halo placed her soft hand on top of his.

 “It’s okay, Hawwy. I can do it again,” Her timid voice made his heart flutter. Halo didn’t want Harry to cry again and it looked like he was about to so she scurried in planting her shaky legs on the floor. A blank paper was already stable on her desk, grabbing a marker to draw the ruined project again. She could see Harry’s shadow towering over her, thanks to the light projected by her lamp. 

 Flipping the paper over, Halo giggled, “Go away! Y’cant see it till it’s done,” She used her force to push him backwards which wasn’t a lot so Harry walked backwards until the back of his calves hit her bed frame. “Stay there and play with Honey,”

 As she got back to work, Harry searched for ‘Honey’, finding an oatmeal coloured bear with a pot of honey clutched between its threaded paws. He stared at the plush toy for what felt like forever, wondering how special this must be to her. And how Harry wasn’t the one to have given it to her.

 “Done!” Halo’s timidness returned, hiding the paper behind her back yet Harry heard the slight crumple. 

 Placing the stuffed toy on the bed, he asked, “Are y’gonna show me?” 

 She handed the artwork to Harry while he watched, smiling softly. Halo slapped her palms on her cheeks when Harry turned it over, his breath hitching when he saw the extra figure that she had drawn. 

 Harry. With a head of wild curls and dotted green eyes that appeared more black with the lighting.

 He couldn’t help it when happy tears seared his waterline which Halo mistook for complacence. “You don’t. . .like it Hawwy?”

 “I-I do. I love it, honey,” Harry admitted, chuckling slightly as he patted his upper thigh. She climbed onto the bed with him, the wood creaking beneath Harry’s weight. Halo clumsily climbed on his lap, lifting his heavy forearm so she could sneak between his legs. 

 Harry could feel his nonexistent double chin crowding his neck as he looked down at Halo who was cuddled to his chest, lips turned into a pout, looking at her quick-minute work. “I like it cause you’re there,” She pointed at the ice cream in Harry’s hand before yawning loudly. 

 “You’re sleepy, baby Halo?’

 She nodded, pressing a small hand on his chest. Harry took the initiative to lay the child down on her pillow despite every nerve in his body urging him to stay in that position. But Harry figured that he had probably overstayed his welcome for the night. 

 Harry pressed a passionate kiss to her forehead, caressing her head gently. Sleep eyes stared at him as he pulled her fleece blanket to her chin. “Stay?” She questioned, fists crumpling to clutched the end of the fabric.

 “I can’t, bub,” He informed with regret, shaking his head sadly and his mouth curved downwards. His knee was sore with weight pressed on his knee cap and his lumbar was aching with how he crouched down one too many times this evening, but all pain seemed to disappear when Halo picked up Honey the Teddy Bear from beside her and gave it to Harry. “For me? Thank you,”

 Halo laid back down on her bed, “Mhm,”

 “Why?”

 As a two-year-old, Halo could only say so many words, yet her thoughts went far deeper than her brain could comprehend. That she felt a profound attachment to Harry despite seeing him twice. How pleasant it was to spend even just a small amount of time with him. Harry was nice and gave her forehead kisses and rubbed her head that placed a smile on her face. He cried because he loved her artwork and he apologized when he did something wrong. He contorted his lips into a silly face to make her laugh. He was going to be picking her up from school and Harry said he was going to buy her ice cream tomorrow! 

 “I dunno,” Halo shrugged, peering downwards to avoid eye contact. Harry chuckled heartily, puckering his pink lips to another peck on her forehead, and then both of her cheeks. 

____

let us know what you thought!! Part 6 aka Ruin is already up on Patreon!

RUIN - SNEAK PEEK

“Hate to remind you but Harry left you once before, don’t think he’ll hesitate to do so again,”

She froze at Connor’s words. Y/N was aware that he only said that in good faith, to remind her of how hurt she was at the time and just how long it took for her to be able to finally breathe again. 

One side of Y/N urged to still defend Harry. She wanted to turn and around, yell at him because Connor doesn’t know Harry as she does. Harry wasn’t the type to build a child’s dreams up only for him to personally manhandle the heart and crush it in his fist. There was a reason why he was a godfather to so many kids; Ruby, Arlo and Jackson—because he was capable. Harry was a nurturing father who put himself on the back burner in favour of making sure that the little ones were safe and secured. He had no problem being third if it meant that the kids were first, then Y/N, then him. 

It all sounded so good in Y/N’s head; so well-rehearsed and very well thought out. The monologue that had somehow stuck in the sides of her brain like a script taped to the wall, ready for the time it needed to be recited. The shredded pieces of paper also reminded her that Y/N might’ve known Harry before, but she certainly doesn’t anymore. In fact, she knew just as much as Connor did.

Just like Y/N had grown and evolved into a new person, Harry was not the same guy he once was when they were together. 

“I told him the consequences if he did,” 

Connor pulled back, stepping away from her. “But wouldn’t it be better if we didn’t take that chance? Who knows what he might do. . .” He trailed off, grabbing a dry rag to wipe the water dripping from the dish. 

____

Permanent Taglist: @splendidsunsetsx @swagmoneymaya @luviewoo @textingharry @arypesanchez @theresthingsthatwellneverknow @sonofabitchstyles @elizabeth23567 @lauloupi @prettylovley @gohometoacactus @xxxxdelenaxxxx @moonlightmaliksblog

[labomi]

play by the rules [1]

Nanami Kento is a well-known bodyguard who always adheres to his own set of principles when completing a job. But when his next assignment is protecting you, he suddenly finds himself second-guessing his morals and questions whether or not some rules are just meant to be broken.

pairing: nanami kento x f!reader

words: 2.7k

warnings: none for this chapter, please look at the series masterlist for general content warnings

notes: i’ve been meaning to write a multichap fic for nanami for so long and i finally got around to outlining most of the story and writing the first chapter yay! i’m a little unsure if the plot will actually be good or not lol but i’m hoping it’ll turn out okay! thanks for reading!

series masterlist

There’s a distinctive knock on your door that pulls you out of your thoughts as you lay on your bed with an unopened book in your lap. You had been meaning to read the story for the past three months after seeing rave reviews about it online, but for some reason, you couldn’t quite find the energy to start reading. Every morning, you pulled the book from your shelf with the full intention of getting past the first page. But every night, it was returned to the same spot on your shelf, remaining untouched.

With a quiet sigh, you force yourself to crawl out of bed, leaving behind the comfortable warmth of your blankets. You drag your feet as you walk over to the door, dreading the imminent conversation you’re about to have.

To be honest, you’d rather he just leave you alone to wallow in self-pity in the comfort of your own room. You knew he had good intentions, but you dreaded his frequent check-ins with you. If he had no good news to deliver, you didn’t want to see him. And there had been no good news for the past three months.

You have no expectations that today will be any different.

With a hesitant hand on the doorknob, you take a deep breath and try to suppress the bitterness you feel towards the person on the other side of the door. Once prepared, you open the door with a wide grin and a bright twinkle in your eyes.

“Hi Dad!” You greet him with a high-pitched, chipper voice.

Your father looks pleased to see your lively expression. “Good morning, princess. Do you mind if I come in?”

You manage to hide your surprise. Most of his visits consist of a quick hello just to confirm you’re alive in your room, but he heads off to go back to work. If he intends to enter your room, there must be something serious he wishes to discuss. You try to ignore the small glimmer of hope that flutters in your chest. 

“Of course!” You waltz over to your bed and sit down, patting the space next to you. Your father sits on the plush bed beside you, twiddling his thumbs idly in his lap.

“I’m aware these past three months have been hard on you, princess,” he begins.

You dig your nails into the palm of your hands and bite your tongue to prevent yourself from spitting out a harsh retort.

Yeah, no kidding.

“They’ve been tough for me too.” He pats your leg comfortingly, giving you a sincere, apologetic look. “I hate seeing you stuck in your room all day, but you know I only do this because I love you and because I want to keep you safe.”

Your father’s words are genuinely heartfelt. There’s no doubt he cares for your well-being and bemoans the unfortunate situation, but you’re not in the mood to be swayed by his guilt.

After all, it’s because of him that you’ve been trapped inside for three long months.

“It’s okay, Dad. I don’t blame you.” You try your best to act like a caring daughter who wants to console her father and assuage his fears that you despise him for his actions. “I know it’s for my own good.”

Three months ago, your father fired your personal bodyguard. 

This also meant that three months ago, your father shredded your only ticket to the outside world.

You can only venture outside the family’s property lines if a trained professional, tasked with keeping you safe from potential harm, accompanies you to pre-approved destinations.

Your father worries about your safety in public, because he often does business with local mafia groups in the area. He is not an influential or well-known member of the underground economy, but in this line of work, it isn’t unusual to piss off the wrong person in a deal gone bad. Family members are the most common targets, so you are a natural choice for disgruntled clients to take their frustrations out on. 

On one hand, you believe it is unfair that you are forced to live a restricted life under the constant protection of a bodyguard because of your father. You have nothing to do with his business, yet you must suffer from the consequences of it.

On the other hand, there is no doubt that you reap the benefits from the success of your father’s career. You had never worked a day in your life and always received any material goods you asked for, so perhaps you do deserve to face at least a share of the consequences.

Your father is insistent that you must have your own personal bodyguard after an incident involving your mother that occurred when you were just a baby. There was an altercation when she had encountered one of your father’s enemies while doing some errands alone in the city.

It hadn’t ended well, to say the least.

So for three long months, you were stuck inside. To his credit, your father had immediately begun the search for a new bodyguard, but his vetting process was so rigorous that it was not a timely process. There had been some mishaps in the past with previous guardians, and your father had vowed to never let those mistakes happen again.

You know you should be grateful that your father cared about your safety enough to have a dedicated group of his team spend endless hours thoroughly investigating each and every potential candidate. You also know you shouldn’t complain about being trapped in a luxurious mansion, but you hate being at home.

You hate seeing your father’s workers around the premises.

You hate thinking about what sort of shady business deals are happening just a floor below you.

You want nothing to do with it. You don’t even want to think about it, which is why you prefer to spend as much time as possible away from home. 

“I’m so glad you understand,” your father says with a relieved sigh. “But I have some good news this time.”

Your breath hitches in the back of your throat. The moment feels almost surreal. You had been waiting to hear those words for so long, you almost thought it would never happen.

“I approved your new bodyguard.”

This time, you didn’t have to fake your excitement.

“Really?” you gasp, looking at your father with wide eyes.

He nods at you.

Unable to contain your burst of elation, you throw your arms around your father with a squeal, giving him a fierce hug. “Thank you! Thank you!”

Your father lets out a hearty laugh, patting your back as he revels in seeing your utter joy. “He starts tomorrow, so you may leave the property again in the morning.”

In less than 24 hours, you are free to once again explore the city, visit popular shops, and stop by your favorite restaurants. You can barely contain your enthusiasm as your heartbeat drums in your chest from the rush of adrenaline after hearing such wonderful news. Pulling away from your father, you continue to beam at him, feeling an unusual wave of gratitude towards the man.

A loud beep disrupts the heartfelt moment.

Your father looks at his smartwatch with a tight frown. “I’m so sorry, princess, but I have to go to a meeting now.” He gets off the bed and gives you a small smile. “I’m glad I could finally give you some good news. I’ll hopefully see you for dinner tonight.”

Before your father can leave, you reel in your scattered thoughts after being almost too excited to think straight. “Dad, before you go, can I at least ask for this name?”

You cannot believe you almost forgot to ask such a crucial question.

“Nanami. Nanami Kento.”

You nod at him. “Thank you! Good luck at your meeting!”

Alone once again, you throw yourself a little celebration which consists of childishly dancing around the room blasting your favorite “good vibes” playlist. Afterward, you grab your laptop and plop onto your bed with a satisfied grin. You crack your knuckles. 

It’s time to get to work. 

In order to maximize your free time tomorrow, you need to have a rough idea about what you want to do and where you want to go. But before you start the task, you need to make one important phone call.

“Hey, Itadori.”

Itadori Yuuji is one of your father’s henchmen, but he’s a sweet boy who had nowhere else to go when his grandfather died. Luckily, he isn’t directly involved in the main operations of your father’s business. Known for his fast feet and powerful arms, he is mostly used as a source of manual labor to move heavy boxes that are brought in or shipped out of the various underground warehouses scattered throughout the property.

The two of you had become friends when you saw him trying to sneak food out of the main kitchen during the late hours of the night. Only your family and your father’s trusted confidants had permission to be in this part of the mansion.

Itadori immediately got on his knees and begged you not to tell anyone that he was stealing food, but you just laughed and showed him where the good snacks were located. Together, the two of you had a mini feast using the leftovers from the culinary staff. It was the first of many secret dinners to be held.

“Hey. What’s up?” he answers.

“Can you do me a favor?”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Can you sneak into my father’s office and copy a file for me? It’s someone named Nanami Kento.”

There’s a groan. “Seriously? But you know how hard it is to sneak into his office,” he whines over the phone.

“I’m sorry, Itadori,” you apologize. You know you aren’t making his life any easier, but you need him to do this for you. “But I know you can do it. You’ve done it plenty of times before without a problem.”

Itadori sighs. He knows he can’t refuse you, not because he’s afraid that you’ll turn him in for punishment (or worse). No, Itadori genuinely likes you, and he’s grateful for your presence in his life for many reasons. Therefore, he does whatever he can to help you out whenever you ask.

“Alright. You got it.”

“Thanks, Itadori.”

Several hours later, a manila folder is slipped underneath your door. With a victorious grin, you grab the folder and set it on your desk. You shoot Itadori a quick text confirming that you got the delivery and thanking him once again for his help.

Quivering in anticipation, you open the folder and see a grainy, black and white copy of a man’s photo on top of the stack of papers. Even with the image’s poor quality, you can see the man’s sharp cheekbones and styled, light-colored hair. You think he looks rather handsome, but you’re not quite sure with the fuzziness of the copy.

Setting the photo aside, you read his file with an interested hum. Because of your father’s rigorous vetting process, the folder is stuffed full of numerous background reports. You vaguely wonder how Itadori slid such a large stack of papers under your door.

Nanami Kento, huh.

You flip over a page and continue reading.

What an interesting man.

“Did you finally accept a new job?” Gojo asks curiously, craning his neck to get a better look at the papers spread about on Nanami’s desk. He spots a photo of a woman among the various files that catches his attention. “Who’s that?”

Nanami rubs his face with an exasperated groan, wishing his coworker would mind his own business for once. He tries to hide the photo under other papers, but Gojo is too quick. The white-haired man easily snatches the photo off the desk before Nanami can touch it and waves it in front of him in a teasing manner.

“Nice try,” he grins, pulling back to observe the photo up close. “Oh, she’s pretty cute. I’m guessing she’s your new client?”

“No,” Nanami answers begrudgingly. He knows Gojo won’t return the photo or leave him alone unless he partakes in the conversation. “Technically her father is, but she’ll be the one under my protection.”

“Oh, so you did accept a new job then.” Gojo returns the photo with a satisfied grin now that his original question had been answered. “Surprised it took you this long to choose one. How long has it been since you finished your last assignment?”

“About three months. I wasn’t in a rush to start a new job.”

Nanami can afford to be picky about his assignments now. Over the years, he has built a strong reputation as a proficient bodyguard who always follows orders and always gets the job done. Now that he is well-known in the industry with a long list of satisfied clients, Nanami no longer has to scramble to accept any odd job. Plus, as part of Gojo’s renowned bodyguard service agency, he can rely on the secretaries to filter out any scams or seemingly impossible requests before they reach his desk.

Nanami is now constantly flooded with inquiries from influential celebrities, notorious mafia members, and other wealthy figures. These people are always willing to pay big bucks for an extra sense of security as they go about their lives, but Nanami is no longer interested in solely the money now that his multiple bank accounts are flush with cash. Instead, he wants to take it easy with a simple, straightforward assignment that won’t involve a lot of gunfire, blood, or death. 

Being a bodyguard is a lucrative career, but it is also both physically and mentally taxing.

Simply put, Nanami is tired.

This is why he waited three long months to find his next job. With each additional request, he ignored how many zeros were listed as compensation and instead took his time to scrutinize the client, their family, and their motivations in seeking a bodyguard. He had a mental image of what he was looking for in his “perfect” job and much to his surprise, he stumbled upon a request that checked almost every box.

While Nanami was lost in his thoughts, Gojo had secretly snatched your file from the desk and had been skimming through it. He couldn’t resist learning more about this new client.

When Nanami returbs to his senses, he sees the missing file on his desk and glares at his white-haired coworker. Gojo just laughs in response. 

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just curious to see what kind of person would pique your interest after all this time, Mr. Picky.” He purses his lips. “Hmm, she’s not much younger than us. Surprised she’s still single too. Aren’t most women in these sorts of families forced to marry early to strengthen business ties? Oh, maybe her personality is so bad her father can’t marry her off to anyone!”

Nanami rips the file out of Gojo’s hands with a scowl. “None of that concerns me.”

“Aww, come on, Nanami,” the white-haired man pouts. “You’re going to be spending a lot of time with her. What is she’s a demon in disguise? Women are pretty scary, you know.”

Nanami figures Gojo skipped the part in the file where your father had described you as a “bright, bubbly young woman who loves to shop and eat”.

“I think I can handle it,” Nanami responds flatly. “After all, I can reasonably get along with everyone except you.”

Gojo clutches his chest dramatically, acting like he had just been shot. “Nanami, you’re so cruel to me!” He then drops his hands and places them on his hips with a devious grin. “Alright, I’ll leave you alone now. Good luck! And don’t fall in love!” He lowers his sunglasses and winks. Gojo can’t help but get in one last jab to irk his coworker.

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

Nanami is a serious professional, one who always plays by the rules. He adheres to a certain set of principles in order to remain successful in this line of work. Without them, situations can get messy, and he has all too often witnessed other bodyguards make the mistake of deviating from protocol and facing the consequences.

There are three fundamental rules that Nanami always follows without fail:

Never go above and beyond what a job asks you to do.

Once a job is finished, leave immediately.

Never get personally involved with a client.

And under no circumstances would he ever disregard any of these rules.

[thatfanficstuff]

Impossible - 21

Pairing: Eric Northman x Reader

Warnings: Nan Flanagan

A/N: *looks at Godric suspiciously* He's up to something.

***

When you woke you found yourself in bed, laying between two vampires who were quite literally dead to the world. Despite that, you felt safe and loved. You smiled and took the opportunity to do inventory of your injuries. You seemed to be fully healed. At the very least you were a damn sight better than you’d been when you passed out. You spared a second to wonder if you would have survived had Godric not been there to give you his blood.

You turned to face the vampire in question to find him laying so he faced you. You trailed a finger down his face to trace his profile. A ghost of a smile curved his lips. It must be nearly sundown which meant you needed to get ready for the night.

You climbed over Eric to get out of the bed and pressed a kiss to his cheek on your way by. His hand brushed your leg. A glance at the clock confirmed that sunset wasn’t far off. You grabbed your phone from the nightstand where it was charging and headed into the bathroom to clean up. You scrolled through the texts from your father as you turned on the shower so it would warm up. “Shit,” you said as you read his latest text. Nan Flanagan would be here within the hour. God, you hated that bitch. Your father called her a necessary evil.

You responded to let him know that you were awake and healed. You also provided a summary of the events and who was responsible before Nan got his ear. After tossing your phone on the counter, you climbed into the shower and scrubbed yourself clean which took longer than you liked. Only when the water ran completely clear did you shut it off. When you got out, you wrapped yourself in one of the robes on the back of the door.

The bed was empty when you opened the door to go back into the bedroom. You quickly dressed in a pair of black jeans with a red top and your boots. You fixed your hair as best you could without drying it. You simply didn’t have the time. When you left the bedroom, you found Eric and Godric both waiting for you along with breakfast.

Eric was by your side in a flash. “How are feeling?”

“Good, thanks to the both of you.” You hugged him and gave him a quick kiss before releasing him to eat.

“Hello, Godric,” you greeted with a smile. He merely smiled in return. “When are we meeting with Nan?”

“How did you…your father,” Eric said. “Ten minutes.”

“She doesn’t know I’m here. Don’t tell her.”

“Are you not planning on attending?” Godric asked with a frown.

“Oh, I am, but if she realizes I’m there she’ll be on her best behavior. I’d rather catch the bitch causing trouble.”

Eric chuckled. “Should I even ask how you intend to keep her from seeing you?”

You pursed your lips. “Probably not.” You finished your breakfast and ducked back into the bedroom to grab your necklace. You slipped it on and smiled at the other two. “All right. Just don’t talk to me until I speak and we might be good to go.”

The amulet you wore had been gifted to you by a witch. It didn’t disguise you or anything, it simply made it more likely you’d be overlooked. The three of you arrived at the room where the meeting would take place. You stood along the wall in the shadows and kept your head down. Sure enough, Nan came into the room and her gaze moved right over you without pausing.

You smirked and pulled out your phone to hit record in case there was an issue later. Nan lied like it was crucial to her survival. Your father claimed that’s what made her so good at PR. He probably had a point. She didn’t give anyone a chance to say anything before she started in.

“Do you have any idea of the PR mess you’ve created? And who has to clean that shit up? Me. Not you. Me. I should drain everyone of you bastards,” she spat out. You rolled your eyes. As if she had the authority.

“Stan acted on his own. None of us had anything to do with the attack on the church,” Eric said.

“Oh, yes, because no one could have possibly predicted that Stan Baker would attack humans. Especially not his nest mates.”

“And how were we supposed to know that this time he meant it?” Isabel defended.

“Not my problem. Yours,” Nan said with a lifted brow and a glare at Godric.

You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the back of Nan’s head. Why was she always such a raging bitch? Couldn’t she talk to anyone with respect? And if she knew that Stan was a threat, why didn’t she take care of it? Her logic was flawed, as per usual.

Eric was apparently done with her shit as well. “Don’t talk to him that way.”

“Don’t talk to me that way. Do you enjoy being Sheriff? Because I can take it all away.” The arrogance in her voice pissed you off more than anything. Well, that and she was threatening your mate.

His lip curled in irritation. “You don’t have the authority.”

“I’m on TV try me.” She turned her attention to Godric. “How did they capture you?”

Godric’s gaze flicked to you and back to her. “They would have caught one of us eventually. I offered myself.” Oh, and didn’t that make your heart hurt. You suspected, but to hear him admit to it was too much. Eric’s face reflected your own thoughts.

“Why?” the bitch asked in disbelief.

“Why not?” your friend responded.

“They wanted you to meet the sun and you didn’t care?”

Godric simply stared at her without responding. Finally, Nan scoffed. “You’re fired.”

“You cold bitch,” Eric responded while Isabel tried to get Godric to fight for his position. You glanced at your phone and pressed an icon before sliding it back into your pocket.

“Listen, Viking—” she started until you stepped from the shadows and interrupted.

“Stan Baker was to blame for the attack on the church,” you said and Nan’s eyes went wide as she paled ever so slightly. Her gaze moved from you to where you’d been standing and back. She was wondering how the hell she had missed you being in the room. “He was killed in the subsequent attack on Godric’s private residence. The Authority was aware of the danger Stan posed and had already ordered his execution. The order unfortunately could not be carried out prior to the attack.”

Her jaw was tight and her eyes were cold. She didn’t like you any more than you liked her. “That’s your failing, not mine. Someone needs to take the blame and as Sheriff of the area, Godric is the best candidate.”

You took a step forward and narrowed your gaze. “You are a glorified mouthpiece. You don’t get to throw someone under the bus to make your job easier. The fucking humans don’t know about all this shit anyway. You’re supposed to find the truth, not make it up as you go along. You don’t get to decide if people live or die. You don’t get to threaten to take away someone’s territory for defending themselves or someone else. If you weren’t such a power hungry, raging bitch maybe they wouldn’t have to.”

“You don’t even work for the Authority anymore,” she said, but she sounded unsure. “Why do you care?”

“Because you’re not doing your job, Nan. I literally moved from area to area to make sure everyone was doing their job. What makes you think you can get away with it if no one else can? Because there’s no one to dispute you? No way for anyone to tell the Authority what you did? And if they could why would they believe them over you, right?” You pursed your lips in thought before shaking your head. “You’re abusing your position. That pisses me off. It pisses me off even more when you do it to my friends. So, here’s how this is going to go. Godric, without admitting any culpability, resigns his position as Sheriff and will be relocating to Louisiana. Isabel will take over as Sheriff. She’s level headed and had nothing to do with any of this.”

She stood then, fists at her sides as she glared at you. Eric and Godric both stood as well, taking position behind you and to either side. “Who do you think you are? You can’t dictate to me.”

The corner of your mouth lifted into a smirk as you pulled out your phone. “You’re absolutely right. But he can.” You handed her the phone and her face twisted into confusion. When your father started to speak her eyes darted back up to meet yours. She didn’t speak, only handing you the phone when she finished. You slid it back into your pocket.

Her eyes never left you though she spoke to the room as a whole. “Stan Baker is responsible for the attack on the church which caused the subsequent bombing. Godric holds no blame for any of the events that occurred. His resignation is accepted as is his relocation to Louisiana. Isabel Beaumont shall report to the king of Texas to be sworn in as the new Sheriff.”

She walked past all of you and out of the room. Once she was gone, everyone looked to you. Godric turned you to face him and laid a hand along the side of your face. “How did you accomplish that, little one?”

“I would like to know that as well,” Isabel echoed.

Eric smirked and placed a kiss on the top of your head. “She is Y/N. That is all you need know.”

[lovee-infected]

hi hi!!! i love your vil analysis post!! just wondering though...why does vil force epel to do traditionally “cute, feminine” things. i get that it’s, like, to counter neige for the vdc, but it kind of goes against vil’s ideology? like, how i see it, vil advocates for people to express themselves how they want without being bound by gender roles. i feel like if epel tried forcing his manliness ideology onto other people, he’d be justified in his “forcing epel to do cute things” plan, but i don’t think epel has ever shamed feminine guys? he just wants to be manly himself. could this be an allusion to how the evil queen turned ugly just to fulfill her goals? vil going against his core ideals and becoming “ugly” just to win?

Glad you enjoyed it dear! As for your question, I believe that'll be better if I go into details because I've seen many asking similar questions regarding chapter 5, and I guess that's causing some misunderstandings towards both Vil and Epel. Well, we're soon getting the rest of the Pomefiore Chapter, so I guess it's the best time for an analysis on Epel and Vil's relationship and how Chapter 5 has been going so far

First off, let me state something really really important about the Pomefiore chapter, this arc has got pretty wild spirits that are quite new compared to the previous chapters. We've got Neige, the first RSA character to appear as a real rival of a NRC student, Vil and Epel's rough relationship, Ace and Deuce joining MC on the new adventure once again and finally, the VDC: an event with is potentially important to not only the whole NRC but also Twisted Wonderland!

While all fans are surely excited to see what we'll be going through next, there are quite a few of misunderstandings and wrong interpretations that are considerably important regarding the Pomefiore chapter. In order to avoid possible dramas and more misinterpretions between the fans, let's try to take a better look at this Chapter and important Pomefiore hints that we've got so far:

(1)Epel's feelings; the most important element of chapter 5

One of the quite brilliant facts about Chapter 5, is the unique presence of characters and their roles in the story. This might seem quite unrecognizable, but right now Epel's appearance is effecting the audience way more than Vil's! This arc is mainly focusing on making the audience feel his pain and hard time, and I can say that they're doing it pretty well! We'll talk about how his feelings are being presented in part (6). Now, you may wonder why his feelings are so important in the Pomefiore arc? Isn't it supposed to be mostly about Vil? Well of course, the story is most likely leading us to Vil's overblot so he's the heart of this chapter, but the important thing is too see how crucial Epel's role is here. Watching how Epel is in pain, silenty crying and forced into doing something that he doesn't want to by Vil is savagely effecting this fandom's interpretation of Vil, some are commenting on how he's the worst or how horrible he is or hundreds of not really friendly critiques which is awfully frustrating... We'd continue to talk about this point in part (5)!

(2) Epel's relationship with Vil

Let's review what we've got through the side stories. To begin with, Epel obviously doesn't really like Vil, (I'm trying to cooperate and not say that he hates him) he didn't appreciate having him as the dorm leader from the very beginning. But he's got some strong reasons to dislike Vil so we can't really blame him:

1)Vil slapped him all of a sudden just because of his poor posture at the dinner table 2)Vil almost crashed Epels head between his hands while teaching him some manners 3)Vil's idealistic are just the opposite of Epel's 4)Vil is trying to change Epel, especially during chaptet 5. It sometimes feels like Vil is treating Epel like his puppet and Epel doesn't appreciate this all.

At the end of his SR lab story Epel stated how he's going to study his hardest in magic and potions, so maybe at some point he'd beat Vil, which goes to prove that he considers Vil a rival.

"Why is it so though? Isn't this pretty risky for Epel to challenge Vil, especially as Vil is a dorm leader and Epel's just a first year who's still an amateur at magic?"

Farewell, let me mention something about Epel, he's got a really strong will to the point of not giving up until proving everyone wrong. He's often looked down on, is called to be useless and dumb, and is sometimes insulted for being innocent and naïve. True, he still has a lot he needs to learn and he's aware, but he won't take being underestimated easily.

Just look at him! He's been raised in a farm and he still found his way to this school filled with stunning students coming from noble families while Epel is a simple country boy! He proved the point to us once again in his lab coat story where Crewel gave him an impossible task just to push him into giving up and coming to apologize afterwards. When Epel realized that he was just tricked by Crewel, he felt quite frustrated and started to cry, yet he didn't give up and used his personal experiments and what he'd learned back in his farm life and paved his road to success and impressing everyone including Crewel!

This is why he isn't backing up now, he doesn't want and isn't going to lose to Vil. Another important reason might be how Vil seems to have control over Epel, his manners, his attitude, the way he looks and basically, the person Epel is. Epel has indirectly said that Vil may be currently bounding his actions and life, but someday this will change. He mentioned similar lines several times and you can see he really has a strong will to prove everyone, especially Vil, that he's not a cute apple boy to sit still and look pretty. And if he's been waiting for the right time to stand against Vil, chapter 5 has got it. In part (7) you'll see why.

(3)What is happening in chapter 5?

Okay before we continue, let's just focus on what we've got in Pomefiore chapter: This year's vocal and dance championship has an unbelievable amount of media focused on it , because two of the world-famous influencers,Vil Schoenheit & Neige Leblanche, are joining. Both are great influencers and talented designers, but recently Neige has been getting really popular through the social media and TV, thus Vil realizes that the time to face his well-known rival, Neige, has come.

The VDC is no joke to him because hundreds of people are coming to watch this competition between two Celebrities, and his career is surely at risk. If the VDC doesn't go as well as he's planned, that'll be an end to his fame and clout, possibly his whole career! Therefore he has to make sure that nothing is going to ruin his plans for the big day, and that's why he is going to use his ultimate weapon, the red poisoned apple. Note that this isn't just about Vil, it's about protecting NRC's clout against RSA as well, so losing the VDC would seriously effect NRC's picture throughout the whole twisted wonderland. So a really important part of NRC's future is relying on Vil's hands right now.

Look, unlike the previous chapters, Vil's story is about nothing fictional or exaggerated; it's something that's pretty normal to see in real life! Two famous fashion designers joining a competition, both are giving in their best, aren't planning to lose, are going to be awfully strict towards training their models and making sure that nothing would be messed up, and are SERIOUS about winning because losing it to the other side would end in losing their clout and having the reports of their unfortunate fall-down spread worldwide.

Unlike the previous overblots, Vil's strictness and seriousness has NOTHING to do with being evil or crazy, he's just doing what he's supposed to be doing, working his hardest to defend his career. Anyone else who were in Vil's shoes would've done the same, and nothing about it chaotic, heartless or mad. His being pretty strict towards Epel because he's his main hope, Epel is the perfect beauty material and is definitely capable of achieving all the best through the VDC, that's why Vil's counting on him. Just as a fashion designer is strict with training their model, Vil is all serious with his way of couching Epel. And it's just about being professional, not being evil!

(4) It's not about Vil, it's about Epel

This is more of a continuation to part (3), but let's talk seriously about how wrong chapter 5 is being interpreted. "Vil is the worst! Can't he see that Epel doesn't want this?" or "Ew gross! People like Vil who use others for their very own benefits are just horrible" are some of the aggressive comments I've recently heard about how Vil is doing in Chapter 5, which is mainly because of Epel. I mentioned that Epel's feelings are most important element of chapter 5 and this is why!! Vil isn't doing anything that savage or mean but his actions seem to be a lot more appealing to fans due to how Epel's frustration and pain is being focused on. It's not because of Vil, it's because of Epel. Vil had been just the same with Leona back in the fairy gala event and most of the fans considered the story to be much of a comedy, but when Vil's treating Epel just the same way it sounds mean, cruel, harsh and heartless. See what I meant? Epel's presence was crucial to give Vil an evil perspective and make him seem just as bad as Azul or Leona.

I'm not defending his action since Epel as well is surely under a serious pressure. He doesn't even want to be joining the VDC, let alone having to follow all these strict rules that Vil's been teaching him so far. But since Epel forcedly made the deal with Vil and promised to help him for the VDC, there's no turning back now. Vil is counting on him as his very last hope and is putting his hardest of work and effort into training Epel, just like any professional fashion designer would've done.

(5)Vil is NOT the Evil Queen!

As for Vil's biggest difference with the Evil Queen, I must say that Vil does really work his hardest for what he desires. Evil Queen simply wanted Snow White dead while we've got Vil, working his ass off preparing everything for the VDC. He isn't just going to get mad and envies of Neige because his becoming popular, he doesn't want Neige dead either. All Vil has been doing so far was working and working and working and getting to be called cruel and heartless in return, I mean can't you just feel the amount of effort and nerve he's giving into work?

See, a considerable majority of the fandom is exaggerating the story of chapter 5 while Vil hasn't even shown a simple sign of having any ill intentions or evil plans in mind! We don't know what is going to happen i the next episodes but let's say that he hasn't done a single evil thing so far.

Just take a look at previous chapters! Leona was openly planning to unfairly harm and injure other students and Azul fooled nearly 200 students, took away their magic and forced them to work for him in Mostrolounge until they graduate from the very beginning. Heartslabyul and Scarabia weren't as severe as these two but they still did have some sort of a visibly unhealthy aura. Vil's current impression as the villain of chapter 5 is high-kay normal and chill compared to the previous chapters as he literally has done nothing evil so far, NOTHING. Most of the fandom is currently giving him the malicious aura that he doesn't have, or at least he doesn't yet have. Look, Vil's just doing his job. This doesn't even have anything to do with the Evil Queen! Also, Vil's rival ship with Neige has nothing to do with beauty, it's about fame, net-worth and popularity.

We don't know if he'd come up with any ill plans or serious intentions to harm Neige or anyone else in the new episodes, but his current impression in nothing more than going hard on Epel as his coach which is just being overly exaggerated by the fandom. A real life fashion designer would've done JUST the same thing! I know that this story is most likely going to end in Vil's overblot and him revealing his inner villain but come on, he hasn't done anything horrible so far!

(6)How Epel is being presented through Chapter 5

This point is the cause of many misunderstandings and confusions regarding Chapter 5, many find the context of Epel being forced to do what he doesn't like so cruel, some on the other hand are confused becaused Vil has clearly stated that his terms of beauty are gender neutral, so why would he force Epel to do these in the first place? As I said before, it's because of Epel, not Vil.

When it comes to perspectives on beauty, Epel's idealistics are just the opposite of Vil's. Look, Epel hates being mistaken with a girl or being considered soft and cute, this is something that has been bothering him for quite a long time. Being misgendered because of his appearance all over his life has had some negative effects on his perspective toward anything cute or feminine, as it just reminds him as how he often gets misunderstood because of his unwanted appearance and cuteness. Epel is awfully similar to Deuce and wants nothing more than getting to reveal the manliness he's holding within, through not only tastes but also abilities.

This is why he's been feeling quite uncomfortable in chapter 5 because Vil's basically pushing him into doing what he hates the most, looking cute and, well, something that Epel would consider feminine. The thing is, Vil does not consider stuff like 'Being able to sing beautifully, performing eye-catching movements voice, wearing stunning clothes and applying makeup' feminine at all, to Vil these are gender neutral terms of beauty and he doesn't get why Epel might consider them girlish or feminine either. Epel's comment on not wanting to do girlish things sounded naïve and low key rude to Vil because beauty isn't bound to being male or female, and he doesn't appreciate the idea of these works being called girlish at all.

This is neither Epel nor Vil's fault, it's just the difference in idealistics.

(7) Vil's on thin ice right now

Let me tell you a secret, 'choosing Epel to become the red poisoned apple wasn't an accidental act AT ALL'. Vil has been watching over Epel ever since he entered NRC and this is why he was so strict about changing this "Mudded potato" into a well-behaved Pomefiore student. Vil knew Epel's name and had discussed his case with Rook right at Epel's first day, and this is why he treated Epel so harshly at the dinner table because his plan to turn Epel into his red poisoned apple had already begun. He was preparing Epel from the very beginning and was just expecting the big day to arrive, the day he'd need Epel to defeat his rival, Neige.

Remember that I said how Epel's been waiting for a chance to stand against Vil and how Chapter 5 would be his BEST opportunity to do this? Before we explain this point, let's have a review on how Vil has been effecting and changing him so far. During his first days in NRC, Epel was more comfortable with shouting, fighting and opposing to other students including Vil. He used to disagree until Vil slapped him but now in Chapter 5, he doesn't even say a word when Vil tells him to do something, he just silently obeys as tears fall from his eyes. He no longer fights back as much as he used to.

But right now, Vil's career, status and future is bound to Epel. Vil has been working harder than ever trying to turn him into the Red poisoned Apple he's been expecting him to become, and if Epel backs up or decides to ruin the show and stop letting Vil have control over him, that'll seriously make Vil explode. And if you think that Vil deserves to be hurt like this, I gotta say that he doesn't, he seriously doesn't deserve this after all he's been going through. Just imagine being on Gil's shoes, how would you feel about having the result of all that hard work and effort you've given into work for YEARS ruined like this? Look, we need to judge this situation nonetheless, even is you don't really like Vil it's important to realize the unfairness of this possible future to the story.

Epel now has the opportunity to BREAK Vil like no one has ever done, after all Vil has been going through to coach Epel, teach him manners, change his nature and prepare him for the VDC this would certainly be the worst thing that may happen to him and it'll make him mad, like really really mad. The Vil we've seen through the story so far was nothing more than Vil's normal calm self so we can't even imagine how it might be to see him mad. At this point he won't be bound to any manners or consderations, and keep this in mind: "We won't like it when Vil is evil, and we can't imagine how evil he can be,"

I'm honestly so excited and terrified at the same time to see what we'll get to see in the rest of the Pomefiore chapter, the atmosphere is so nerve-wrecking right now and I can't help but to pray that the rest of this story doesn't traumatize us as much as it can- “Yana please, have mercy on us”

[serpentinesomebody]

Why Janus Planned The Entirety Of His Own Acceptance Arc From The Very Beginning

I think that Janus planned everything. From his reveal all the way to POF, he mapped it all out like a game of chess. And I think I finally know why, too.

So let’s start at his goals. He represents deceit, and has the goal of self-preservation. Additionally, however, he wants the one thing all sides want: for Thomas to listen to them.

Janus’ introduction is very different from Virgil’s. Thomas didn’t even know about him. And when things settle down, we get an idea as to what his first impression of Janus is: he’s scared of him, and skeptical, too. He doesn’t trust him. But this is exactly what Janus wanted. But why? Why present himself as a frightening and untrustworthy side? How could that possibly benefit him or Thomas?

Well, let’s look at what would have happened if just appeared and introduced himself as, well, himself. No disguises, no theatre scenario, none of that.

Well for one, Thomas probably wouldn’t be as afraid of him. What scared Thomas so much, I think, was that Janus was able to disguise himself for almost half an hour and he didn’t even know. And until Patton appeared at the end, he truly believed that he had no morality, that it was Janus the entire time. He gets the impression that this new side can manipulate him, and quite easily, too. So not only does he not trust this new side, but he’s scared of him, too.

But if Janus introduced himself upfront? Thomas still wouldn’t trust him, but there wouldn’t be much fear either. Thomas would likely just see him as a simple nuisance. He just doesn’t naturally invoke the same fear that Virgil does. Without the fear factor, he only has distrust.

But why would Thomas not trust him if he introduced himself upfront?

Well, he has multiple things going against him. His primary function is deceit. Not exactly helping his case. But let’s say they look past that. Well, he also has a ‘snake face,’ which really doesn’t make him come across as an honest, well-meaning person. Lastly, pretty much all the sides do not like him. Virgil makes his full-on hatred pretty obvious, and Logan certainty doesn’t seem to like him much either. Patton sees him as an antagonist, his opposite. Roman appreciates his charm, but still sees him as a creepy villain nonetheless. All the sides are against him, so how could he convince Thomas to trust him?

But if trying to intimidate Thomas into listening to him won’t work, and being honest won’t work, what will?

Deceiving him.

He knows that even if he’s honest, Thomas still will not trust him. So if Thomas isn’t going to trust him either way, he needs to find a way to manipulate the situation so that even if Thomas won’t listen to him at the moment, he still has control over the situation.

The first episode with Janus goes perfectly according to plan.

One thing that always struck me as odd was that this was the situation that Janus decided he needed to be involved in? Some texting drama?

But that’s exactly what Janus needed. He needed something small, something he could ensure he could manage. If he had made his first appearance in SVS, that would be way too much for Thomas to take in at once, and Thomas wouldn’t have any clue as to what Janus was like. Janus introduced himself over something minor, something insignificant that he wasn’t truly needed for, for the sole purpose of leaving an impression. He meant to reveal himself at the end.

Now let’s move on to SVS. This time, Janus drops the disguise much earlier. And it’s so, so obvious that this was intentional. Janus says things he knows Logan would never say. Hell, Janus doesn’t often use metaphors himself. He proposes hypothetical situations and uses similes, but when does he ever say anything like ‘straight from the horse’s mouth’?

So if he dropped the disguise so early, why even bother doing it in the first place? Simple: he just needed to buy himself a bit more time before Logan came. He needed to ensure that the courtroom scenario was already set up. Janus knew that Logan would be upset that he wasn’t included in a courtroom scenario and would possibly try to insert himself into one of the roles that Janus didn’t want him in.

This begs the question, though, why have Logan on the sidelines?

Because Janus knows that Logan is an intelligent and professional person, and would likely point out that the trial wasn’t exactly following legal code. So, Janus benches him.

As for Patton, well, it just makes the most sense that he would be in the position he was. Patton is the one that Janus is trying to oppose.

But what about Virgil? Why have Virgil as the jury? Why decide that the one person who hates him the most, who is the most biased against him, gets to decide who wins the case? Simple: Janus knows that Virgil will still let him win the case. But how does he have so much faith in that? Because he knows Virgil. They have history, and by now, Virgil’s actions are predictable to him. Virgil is a pessimist by nature, and blunt. He won’t lie to Thomas and say that he thinks he’s a good person just to spare Thomas’ feelings. Janus knows that despite what Virgil thinks of him, he will judge Thomas as guilty.

As for Roman? Janus may not know Roman as well as Virgil, but Roman is predictable. When it comes to morals, he will follow Patton, no matter what. He has to in order to keep up his image as the hero. So, Janus knows that Virgil will judge Thomas as guilty, and he knows that Roman will sentence Thomas to go to the wedding because he knows that Roman knows that that’s what Patton wants.

That was his entire goal for that episode: ensure that Thomas goes to the wedding.

And the reason he needs Thomas to go to the wedding is because it sets the stage for POF.

Janus knows that Thomas will be upset after the wedding, and he knows that Thomas’ mood will have an effect on Patton. His first goal in the episode, aside from bringing up a few facts, is to get Patton to snap. He needs Thomas to see that sometimes Patton doesn’t always know everything, that things are more complicated then that. And, more importantly, he needs to present himself as the hero this time.

As I said, Janus knows that Roman will side with Patton no matter what. So if Roman is by Patton’s side, then who’s there for Thomas?

He is.

Janus presents himself as the hero. This scene is such a crucial moment. He’s clearly trying to portray the image that he is on Thomas’ side.

But if that’s the case, then why does he dodge Patton’s attack and let Thomas get hit instead?

He feels like he has no other choice. Patton is still insisting that it’s dangerous for Thomas to take self-care too far. The only way Janus can get Patton to see that he’s hurting Thomas is...to let Patton literally, physically hurt Thomas. This, I think, is probably the most difficult thing Janus has ever had to do thus far. Thomas’ safety and happiness is his one goal, there is no one who he puts before Thomas, not even himself.

It’s the hardest thing Janus has had to do, but it works. Patton finally realizes, finally admits that he doesn’t know everything.

Janus is so close to getting accepted.

But there’s one problem left: Roman.

Roman doesn’t trust Janus. And here’s the thing: Janus needed Patton to accept him, yes, but Roman was also a crucial component. I don’t think Janus’ intention was to antagonize Roman, rather, I think he wanted Roman’s approval. Pushing Thomas’ hero down doesn’t help anyone, especially Thomas. He has Patton’s approval, now he needs Roman’s. He needs Roman, Thomas’ hero, to see him as one too. And that, that is where he made a horrible mistake.

He tried to get Roman to take a liking to him in the courtroom, not by much, of course, since he still wanted Roman to sentence Thomas to the wedding after all, but enough for Roman to not be completely against him.

But he screwed up. Roman realized that Janus’ praise in the courtroom wasn’t 100% honest, and now he full-on hates Janus.

The way Janus tries to fix this, I think, is by giving his name. Granted, I’m sure that he would have done it sometime during POF anyway, but he thinks that it’s enough to change Roman’s mind and it isn’t.

This, I think, is the real reason why Janus is so harsh when Roman makes fun of his name.

What he expects is going to happen, is that Roman is going to warm up to him a bit. Or at the least, that he’ll stop spiraling/panicking and take a minute to truly listen to Janus, perhaps allow him to explain himself.

But that’s not what happens. And Janus just snaps.

Because he was so close, so close to wrapping up his acceptance in a perfect, neat little bow and it is ruined.

Sure, he still had his relationship with Virgil and Logan to work on, but if Patton and Roman were on his side, Thomas would be too. And it would be three against two, meaning he’d likely get a permanent seat at the table. He could fix his relationship with Virgil and Logan later, but he needed a seat at the table. Yes, his plan is kinda rushed, but he wants to get to Thomas as fast as possible so he can help him with things like this in the future-things where there could be even more important things at stake. I’m sure he didn’t want to hurt anyone, but he felt like he had to go with this plan in order to help in the long-term.

But Roman laughs at his name and he is so frustrated, so tired, and he doesn’t know how else he can try to get Roman on his side and he snaps.

Afterwards, you can tell he regrets it. He knows he messed up.

And when Thomas says that Roman is still his hero, Roman turns to Janus in a silent question of ‘is he lying?’ But Janus interprets it as, ‘is he telling the truth?’ and so he nods. And when he sees that Roman is upset, he realizes that there was a miscommunication between them, but before he can do anything about it, Roman is already gone.

TLDR: All of Janus’ actions are planned to get him a seat at the table, except for when he snaps and calls Roman ‘the evil twin,’ and fucks up majorly.